#rasa speaks

[punchdrunkdoc]

Today's chapter of Tabula Rasa will be posted a little later than normal. I just ended up doing a whole cut and paste re-order of the next few chapters, and I then had to fill out chapter 22 with an additional 2000 words....so I need to take a break, eat, then edit!

But I'm very happy with where everything's ended up, and can't wait for you to read it!

[prorneth-eus]

here i stand, a girl who loves when her friends watch her favourite shows, with my bestfriend and her boyfriend on the precipice of The Body episode of Buffy, and my sister starting the Redux arc of the X-Files, apologizing for the pain about to come

[mayfriend]

bonjour, je voudrais relire ta fanfiction tabula rasa mais je ne la trouve pas. tu l'a supprimé? désolé si tu ne comprends pas le français.

I didn't delete it, it's just now only viewable to people who have AO3 accounts like the rest of my works, to stop them being scalped to train AI. If you make an account, you'll be able to view it again!

And now, translated poorly into French by Google Translate:

Je ne l'ai pas supprimé, il n'est pour l'instant visible que par les personnes possédant des comptes AO3 comme le reste de mes œuvres, pour éviter qu'ils ne soient scalpés pour entraîner l'IA. Si vous créez un compte, vous pourrez le consulter à nouveau!

[writing-reference-redux]

I felt like sharing my collection of Latin phrases that may make good fanfic or fanart titles or inspiration. Some of the translations may be off, so you might want to double-check them before use. Also, I used capitalization liberally so you might also want to check where capitalization is actually indicated.

Ab Intra (From Within)

Acta Est Fabula (The play has been performed)

Acta Sancti ___ (The Deeds of Saint ___)

Ad Undas (to the waves / to hell)

Advocatus Diaboli (Devil's advocate)

Aegri Somnia (a sick man's dreams / troubled dreams)

Alea Iacta Est (the die has been cast / point of no return)

Apologia Pro Vita Sua (defense of one's life)

Caetera Desunt (the rest is missing)

Cedere Nescio (I know not how to yield)

Damnatio Memoriae (damnation of memory / denying someone ever lived)

De Nobis Fabula Narratur (their story is our story)

Decessit Vita Patris (died before their father)

Diem Perdidi (I have lost the day)

Dies Tenebrosa Sicut Nox (a day as dark as night)

Dolor Hic Tibi Proderit Olim (some day this pain will be useful to you)

Dulce Est Desipere In Loco (It is sweet on occasion to play the fool)

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus (while we live, let us live)

Dux Bellorum (war leader)

Ex Umbra In Solem (from the shadow into the light)

Festina Lente (hurry slowly)

Fortis Cadere, Cedere Non Potest (the brave may fall, but can not yield)

Fui Quod Es, Eris Quod Sum (I once was what you are, you will be what I am)

Graviora Manent (heavier things remain / the worst is yet to come)

Haec Olim Meminisse Iuvabit (one day, this will be pleasing to remember)

Hic Mortui Vivunt (here the dead speak)

Hinc Illae Lacrimae (hence those tears)

Hodie Mihi, Cras Tibi (Today it's me, tomorrow it will be you - of death)

In Ictu Oculi (in the blink of an eye)

In Somnis Veritas (in dreams there is truth)

Inter Spem Et Metum (between hope and fear)

Lapsus Memoriae (slip of memory)

Luctor, Non Mergor (I struggle, but am not overwhelmed)

Lux Ex Tenebris (light from darkness)

Media Vita In Morte Sumus (In the midst of our lives we die)

Memento Mori (remember that you will die)

Memento Vivere (remember to live)

Morior Invictus (I die unvanquished / death before defeat)

Mundus Senescit (the world grows old)

Nemini Parco (I spare no one - death)

Nitimur In Vetitum (we strive for the forbidden)

Non Ducor, Duco (I am not led; I lead)

Non Omnis Moriar (I shall not all die / part of me will survive beyond death)

Nunc Scio Quid Sit Amor (now I know what love is)

Oderint Dum Metuant (let them hate, so long as they fear)

Omnia Mutantur (everything changes)

Onus Probandi (burden of proof)

Opera Posthuma (posthumous works)

Ophidia In Herba (a snake in the grass)

Pax Aeterna (eternal peace - a common epitaph)

Primum Non Nocere (first do no harm)

Pulvis Et Umbra Sumus (we are dust and shadow)

Quis Leget Haec? (who will read this?)

Quod Periit, Periit (what Is gone is gone)

Res, Non Verba (deeds, not words)

Respice Finem (consider the end)

Scientia Et Sapientia (knowledge and wisdom)

Seculo Seculorum (forever and ever)

Sed Terrae Graviora Manent (but on earth, worse things await)

Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum (if you want peace, prepare for war)

Sic Infit (so it begins)

Sic Vita Est (such is life)

Silentium Est Aureum (silence is golden)

Sine Nomine (without a name / author unknown)

Sola Dosis Facit Venemum (the dose makes the poison)

Solvitur Ambulando (it is solved by walking / simple tests find solutions)

Stamus Contra Malum (we stand against evil)

Succisa Virescit (cut down, we grow back stronger)

Sum Quod Eris (I am what you will be - of death)

Summum Bonum (the supreme good)

Summum Malum (the supreme evil)

Sunt Lacrimae Rerum (there are tears for things)

Sunt Omnes Unum (they are all one)

Tabula Rasa (blank slate)

Transire Benefaciendo (to travel along while doing good)

Tu Fui Ego Eris (I was you; you will be me - of death)

Ubi Amor, Ibi Dolor (where there is love, there is pain)

Ultima Forsan (perhaps the last / sundial quote "perhaps your last hour")

Usque Ad Finem (until the end / fight to the death)

Vacate Et Scire (Be still and know)

Vi Et Animo (with heart and soul)

Victoria Aut Mors (victory or death)

Vincit Qui Patitur (he conquers who endures)

Vita Ante Acta (a life done before - of reincarnation)

Vivere Militare Est (to live is to fight)

Vox Clamantis In Deserto (the voice of one crying in the wilderness)

There are also some longer ones that may not make good titles because of their length, but are still worth inclusion:

Aut Simul Stabunt Aut Simul Cadent (they will either stand together or fall together)

Flectere Si Nequeo Superos, Acheronta Movebo (if I can not reach Heaven I will raise Hell)

Forsan Et Haec Olim Meminisse Iuvabit (perhaps even these things will be good to remember one day)

Igitur Qui Desiderat Pacem, Praeparet Bellum (therefore whoever desires peace, let him prepare for war)

In Regione Caecorum Rex Est Luscus (in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king)

Minus Malum Toleratur Ut Maius Tollat (choose the lesser evil so a greater evil may be averted)

Quem Deus Vult Perdere, Dementat Prius (whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad)

Ubi Sunt, Qui Ante Nos Fuerunt? (Where are they, those who have gone before us?)

Virtus Junxit Mors Non Separabit (that which virtue unites, let not death separate)

[alienwithabox]

Lost's referencing is crazy when you stop to look at it.

Philosophers like Locke (tabula rasa + personal freedom + building civilisation from chaos), Bentham (making choices that create the greatest amount of good for the greatest amount of people aka utilitarianism) and Rousseau (civilisation = root of mankid's evil) mirror the show's themes, even down to the characters they're named after. There's also Hume, Lewis, and Faraday. The religious and faith-based topics are absolutely everywhere too.

And then you get to the literary references. The contrast of Fyodor Dostoevsky (psychology, morality, suffering, complex and intense style) and Ernest Hemingway (love, loss, resilience, simple and direct style) and how it relates to the personalities of Ben and John respectively. Every book mentioned and seen in the show is carefully picked by Cuse and Lindelof due to their themes blending with Lost or as clues for upcoming storylines. Of Mice and Men, Watership Down, The Brothers Karamazov, VALIS.

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck centres on the themes of (failure to access) The American Dream, isolation, and trying to find how you fit into the world. One of the main characters also has visions of rabbits, which ties so well into the episode where Ben and Sawyer quote the book at each other.

Watership Down by Richard Adams is an interesting one because the main group of rabbits is displaced from their home and looking for a new one. There's another group of rabbits they clash with who seem to be very well-organised and possibly morally dubious. But there are very few outright villains in the story because, for the most part, these "other" rabbits are just doing what they need to in order to survive. There's a whole faith system the rabbits believe in and one of the main rabbits has prophetic dreams of future events. There are so many parellels to draw to. The fact it's about rabbits is a big one for the Others and Ben specifically.

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky is given to Ben by John. The book heavily features patricide, which is amazing foreshadowing for both Ben's backstory reveal and John's future plotline with his father.

VALIS by Philip K. Dick features a few shared themes with Lost, mainly surrounding science. Both feature the concept of mental time travel, the ability to access information from your own brain in different times without physically leaving the present. Horselover Fat describes this as "remembering" the past and future. We see Desmond doing just that throughout the show. VALIS also delves into other brain studies, including telepathy. Parapsychology is one area of interest that the DHARMA Initiative was studying and The Swan's orientation film feature a woman seemingly doing a telepathy experiment. That tape being hidden behind a copy of The Turn of the Screw is extra fun as the phrase "turn of the screw" is used both in the novella and in real life to mean intensifying an already tense situation or making a bad situation a touch worse; tightening the screws of the torture device so to speak.

Ben's entire bookshelf is, in itself, a fascinating look at his inner personality and interests; sociopolitical commentaries through the lens of dystopic fiction and non-fiction literature about indigenous cultures, social justice, and religion. It looks like the bookshelf of not only an intellectual but a man who values faith and locational belonging. Far from the black and white villain the audience is given at first.

Most people would know that Ben's Henry Gale persona is inspired by Dorothy Gale's Uncle Henry from the Oz books by L. Frank Baum. The hot air balloon crashing on the Island is a clear homage to Dorothy's flight from Kansas to the magical world of Oz in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Ben's mother's name is Emily, a name also famously attached to the Gales in the form of Aunt Em. An extra bit is that the beginning of Ozma of Oz features Henry taking Dorothy on a vacation to Australia by boat, where Dorothy is then swept overboard and ends up back in Oz.

Lesser known is that Ben takes on another literary alias when off the Island. Dean Moriarty is a main character from On the Road by Jack Kerouac, which is a fictionalised version of the author's travels around the USA with his friends, from the perspective of the Beat/Counterculture generation. Dean is a go-getter, daring to a fault, and rubs a lot of people the wrong way. He's a morally grey man who fumbles his love interests constantly. If you can't see the parallel with Ben, look again.

Something that I didn't pick up but @darkwing-katy did was how similar the endings of Sayid and Jack Torrance from Stephen King's The Shining are. The circumstances surrounding how they end up at this plot point are vastly different and yet Sayid becomes a vessel for the MIB/Monster, just as Jack is for the Overlook. You may remember the movie ending better but the novel's ending has Jack fighting against his darkness, affording himself a long enough moment of clarity to save his son. He doesn't try to escape, instead staying with the hotel until it explodes. Sayid also finds mental clarity near his end and chooses to sacrifice himself in an effort to get a bomb far enough away from his friends.

Nothing I have said here is exhaustive in any way as there is so much more to look at, even within the examples I've given. I implore you to go wild!

[ausp-ice]

Rhome (they/he/she), an Edeia representing the Idea of Melancholy. They were once a human who died and returned to life as a Sanctial, eventually setting off on his final journey before Actualizing right before they thought they would fade away.

Edeia Site | Edeia Discord | Personal Website

Rhome

"There is a certain beauty in things that cannot last. The final notes of a song. The warmth of a cup of tea as it gradually cools. The memory of someone you loved. Your tears are proof you experienced something meaningful enough to mourn. Let me sit with you a while, in this gentle ache that reminds us both how deeply you've lived."

Rhome is a quiet, contemplative presence. They are patient and attentive, preferring to listen rather than speak. They find something profound in sitting with others during moments of transition and loss, drawing out their melancholic emotions and helping them recognize the beauty within them. Rhome believes that melancholy is not something to cure but to honor, as it represents the lingering echo of experiences precious enough to be missed.

When Rhome speaks, their voice carries a gentle, soothing quality. They find particular beauty in impermanence and the bittersweet nature of loss.

Abilities

Melancholic Resonance: Rhome can perceive and interact with the emotional imprints left behind by significant moments of transition, loss, and other events that leave lingering feelings of melancholy. They can induce vivid recollections of memories or even enter a manifestation of those memories, with or without the person in question, and control the scenes like a movie—playing, pausing, rewinding, fast-forwarding. The scenes often take on a monochrome, blue-tinted appearance, with certain colors becoming more vivid based on the emotions felt by the subject and other members of the scene. 

Melancholy: Rhome can draw out and amplify feelings of melancholy, often in a gentle way. They can use this ability to create physical spaces that induce this effect on others as well. 

Crystallized Memory: Rhome can transform melancholic emotions into tangible objects that capture the essence of what those feelings represent. These "Mementos" can take all sorts of shapes, but typically have the appearance of pale, bluish crystals with pale gold ornamentation. Touching the object transfers the emotions gradually, and holding it for a long time can allow for the associated memories to manifest in the mind's eye. 

Abstraction

Rhome's Abstraction is a realm of pale blue tones, always raining. Sometimes the rain is heavier, and the sky is darker; sometimes the rain is a light drizzle, and the sky is more of a pale, white color. A city of stone and gold sprawls across the Abstraction, with the waters of a lake present in the gaps between sections of buildings. In a central area is a castle with windows of glass, pale light emanating from within. 

When in their Abstraction, Rhome spends most of their time in the castle, often gazing out the windows at the lake. The halls are quiet, filled with a melancholic, solitary energy. There are various crystallized Mementos decorating the space; when Rhome wanders the halls, they might brush their hands across them and let the emotions of those moments run through them once more. 

Though the city is vast, there are not many residents. On occasion, Rhome might offer a place to stay for those who cannot bear to live with their melancholic emotions. These people are told to take as long as they need to mourn what they've lost and what they've missed. Here, there is no need for sustenance—only the gentle weight of melancholy, eternally pouring from the sky. 

Story Synopsis

Born into a wealthy but emotionally distant family, Rhome learned early to suppress their desires and emotions, existing primarily as an extension of their mother's ambitions. A brief connection with their pet snake, Rasa, ended when their mother secretly poisoned it. Rhome did not understand the emotions they felt, simply asking their father to handle the remains. 

In their mid-20s, Rhome was caught in a fatal accident and brought to a Sanctuary where they received a second chance by being revived as a Sanctial. During their years in the Sanctuary, Rhome developed connections with other Sanctials, especially one with a snake-like appearance. As Rhome learned to feel emotions they had suppressed in life, they discovered a particular affinity for helping others process their losses before departing on their final journeys. When the snake Sanctial eventually left, also revealing its identity as Rasa, Rhome began looking inwards. After a meeting with Anim, they began their own final journey, expecting to fade from existence as they ventured beyond the Sanctuary's protection to experience the world's varied melancholies.

In their travels during the early Age of Reunion, Rhome encountered Janus—the reincarnation of their snake, now human with no conscious memory of their connection. Something shifted in Rhome, then, and they accepted both the beauty and sorrow of their journey. They felt themself unraveling and parted ways ready to fade away, but at their final moment of finding peace, they Actualized.

Inspiration Notes

The Abstraction is somewhat inspired by the City of Tears from Hollow Knight.

I was sparked by the emotions I felt when reading Monochrome Rumor, a story that's become something of a comfort to be due to a certain feeling of soft sadness present throughout the story.

[dreammfires]

Harold A Spencer. CH 1 translation.

Harold. A. Spencer

He is the first King of Philip and the ancestor of Willfred and Hayden Spencer. These stories take place in a (for lack of better term) medieval setting.

The MC in this era unlike BMP 1 and 2 is not from Oriens. She is from Philip and is a medical assistant working at a clinic.

Japanese is not my native language so there is bound to mistakes.

CORRECTION: The character Uncle Rasa, I translated his name wrong I have no idea if ラサル is Lasar or La Salle.

CREDIT ME IF USING /POSTING ELSEWHERE

??: What? You haven't seen the King's face yet? It's been some time since he became King.

MC: Y…yes

A loud voice boomed through the waiting room where it's just the person and her. The loud voice belongs to Mr Moliere, who runs a pharmacy near the clinic she works at.

MC: The clinic is so busy I have no time to bother about him!

Mr. Moliere: You didn't even attend the inauguration ceremony or the speech of the first King of the Kingdom of Philip. It was one for the ages.

Mr Moliere: Above everything else YOU are a traitor to your country since you never saw his national treasure worthy face!

He says it with so much force that MC leans back from behind the counter.

Moliere: I was just kidding.

Resting her chin on her hands on the counter, Mr Moliere speaks again.

Mr Moliere: But it is typical of you to be such a hard worker. You're glued to your work to a point I never hear anyone talk about you romantically.

MC laughs then wonders if she should be happy about it.

All she can do is give a bitter smile to him.

Moliere: I guess that's where you take after your mentor when it comes to being single minded about work.

MC: What? I am nowhere near the skill level of Uncle La Salle. He's always buried in books from morning to night. No matter how many times I call him for dinner he never comes out of his room.

Mr.Moliere: I can imagine that!

Uncle La Salle is her mentor and benefactor. MC was born into an aristocratic family. She was the daughter of a feudal lord of a region before the unification of Philip; however she lost her parents one after the other.

She was considered a bringer of bad luck by everyone because of that so nobody would take her in. On the verge of being sent to an orphanage the one who took her in was Uncle La Salle, her family's doctor. He trained her to be a medical assistant. Without him and his clinic she has no idea where she'd be.

Mr. Moliere: Now he'll be treating the servants of Philip Castle right? I also have a royal warrant as well so it will be busier than ever.

MC: I agree. She wonders if she will be going up to the castle more often now? If she has a chance she'd like to see the King's face one day.

Darius: MC

Darius, a senior medical assistant's head peeks out of the medical examination room. Like her he was also taken in by Uncle Lasar due to unfortunate circumstances so he is an older brother to her.

Darius: The clinic will be opening soon. Are you ready to start the day?

MC: Yes! Mr.Moliere: It's that time already?He pushes the lint, bleach powder and olive oil that he brought with him onto her.

Mr.Moliere: Thank you for your business. Give my regards to Darius!

He waves and passes her. She then goes to the medical examination room.

Darius: You are late.

MC: I'm sorry.

She bows and apologizes to Lasar and Darius. Uncle La Salle waves her off and tells her it is okay.

Uncle La Salle: Let's start our usual meeting. Check who is reserved for today.

They have these meetings every morningwhere they check in with each other and look at info they know about the patients. It helps things run more smoothly.

Darius: For the past few days we've seen an increase in patients with coughs and sore throats.

Uncle La Salle: The temperature difference between night and day may be the cause of that.

MC: So that means we'll soon see an increase of people complaining of joint aches?

Uncle La Salle: That is possible. MC prepare some treatments for that in addition to cold treats please. Come Darius let us go and see to the patients.

The clinic door opens and someone calls out to MC and Uncle La Salle dismisses the meeting. Today is going to be a hectic day for the clinic.

___

Meanwhile in the elegant Castle of the Kingdom of Philip.

Minister A: What?! You're increasing the number of government officials to 100 at once?Minister B: He's also promoted people from the surrounding provinces who were his enemies before the founding!

Ministers and attendants gather around crying out in unison and disbelief.

??: It's because we were enemies it was important to nip their discontent in the bud at an early stage. Equal and open employment act as a deterrent to rebellion. That's how we integrate them into the Kingdom of Philip quickly.

A man with blond hair, blue eyes and a perfect face like that of a marble statue said in a calm tone while sitting the throne.

An older man sitting next to him stood up and agreed with the sentiment.

???: Yes! What the Kingdom of Philip needs right now is a sense of unity! This is a meaningful gesture.

Minister A: But Zackry

Zackry: Wait, his majesty hasn't finished speaking

??: ……

His majesty, meaning the man on the throne is the first King of Philip.

Zackry: Your majesty, please continue.The man sits again and urges the King to speak.

The King: Furthermore we will build more shipyards in the coastal areas that were cooperative with us and create employment opportunities than we have just seen with the increase in government officials. The sole purpose of shipbuilding now is to increase trade with other countries. From now on we will take advantage of our unified geography and leverage this to strengthen our ties with other countries via strong maritime transport.

Servant A: If that is the case shouldn't we get the public's consent?

Servant B: But they were once enemies. To bring them into the heart of the matter is risky!

King: That is probably true.

As opinions for and against flew around, the king spoke again.

King: Think about this way if the employment opportunities are equal then the guilt when they rebel will be just as equal. This measure is to prevent future discord.

King: On top of that, we will give generous rewards to the regions that have maintained a cooperative approach so far, so that they can feel the benefits.

King: Both of these will surely become the cornerstones of the future development of the Kingdom of Philip.

Ministers:.....

There was silence for a moment before the throne room was filled with applause.

Zackry: At this rate there is no need for a vote all of those who approve can respond by applause.

As Zackry calls this out the throne rooms’ applauses get louder.

Minister A: Wow I can't believe you thought that far ahead.

Minister B: The new Kingdom of Philip is safe and sound.

Servant A: Long live the Kingdom of Philip!

Servant B: Hurrah!

Zackry: Silence! With that the meeting today is at an end. You may go now.

One by one the ministers leave until it is just Zackry and the King alone in the audience chamber.

Zackry: You were truly impressive just now, Your Majesty.

The King: Zackry I've known you for a long time. When we are in private there is no need to address me as Your Majesty.

The atmosphere is relaxed now and the King gives a wry smile.

Zackry: Hahaha That's true.

Zackry says that even being the King's assistant is a daunting task and there's more laughter in the room. The King speaks with a friendly look on his handsome face.

King: My late father's right hand man Zackery. I am glad you are here.

Zackry: That's what I should be saying. You even went from a naughty little boy to a fine young man.

Zackry's eyes narrow with deep emotion.

Zackry: I'm sure your father who passed away before his goals could be achieved is very proud of you.

King: I'll be counting on you in the future.

Zackry: Of course your majesty.King: Hey!

Zackry: I'm kidding.

Although he is old enough to be the King’s father he acts childish. The King joins his jovial mood showing his smile.

His gaze is full of absolute trust in Zackry.(A/N: Zackry is gonna betray him later I am calling it.).

_____

MC has just seen the last patient out of the clinic, closed the clinic doors and stretches. Uncle La Salle and the others will be going on house calls later.

She has to sort medical records and update people's medical history but before that she has to get more medicinal herbs.

They’ve handed out so many cold prescriptions today that supplies are low and there will be more cold prescriptions to hand out in the future. She's picked everything in her gardens unfortunately.

Uncle La Salle and Darius are getting ready to go out on their house calls and she asks Uncle La Salle if she can go out for a bit.

Uncle La Salle: Well of course. I don't mind.

Darius: Where are you going?

MC: The herbs for my medicines are running low so I need to collect more.

Uncle La Salle: Where are you going to get them? The mountains?

MC: Yeah even though it's not a mountain though.

Darius: Does it have to be today though? It's a holiday tomorrow, we can go tomorrow.

He's still worrisome and overprotective as usual.

MC: It's still light out and I've been to that place often. I'll be fine besides if you consider the time it takes to soak the herbs, the sooner the better.

There is other work that can be done on the holiday. La Salle laughs and calls her a workaholic and she makes a retort. Darius tells her to be careful.

MC asks them to leave their key in the usual place for her. She takes her basket and leaves.

She walks up the small mountains near to the clinic and she feels relaxed when she comes here. The open area where flowers bloom every season it's one of the few places where she can take a break. Best of all it is a treasure trove of medicinal plants.

Ofc she buys dried and processed herbs from Mr Moliere but as she gained medical knowledge, she has learnt that fresh herbs is the best plus not spending money is a plus. She hopes that no one else will find out about this place.

MC: I'll gather what I need then head off home.

She picks plants that can be used to help the cold, clears out some poisonous flowers and she nibbles on plants that could be used at the dinner table.

Before long the sun begins to set. MC looks up at the orange sky and stands up.

MC: That should be enough for today.She looks at baskets full of plants and flowers indicating she had a good harvest.

MC: Time to go back before Uncle La Salle and Darius scold me.

??: You! Woman over there!

A voice behind her carries across on the crisp, clean air as she puts her hands on the handles.

Are they talking about her?

She turns around and her eyes widen.

Man: What are you doing here?

His golden blonde hair sweeps in the fragrant wind and his features are like an angel. A beautiful man stares at her with clear blue eyes from on top of a white horse.

She cannot help but gasp.

[baileythebean]

Naruto OC lore dump!

So when the first Kazekage gathered his shinobi together to form Sunagakure, there was a group of natives who resisted, wanting to do things their own way and forming their own tribe, Oashisu. Oashisu trained their shinobi separately from Suna and lived out of their control, which caused lots of conflict between the two because it made the council uneasy that these people were just living in their territory out of their control with no information on their techniques or fighting styles.

Fast forward way past the 1st Kazekage, and now we have the 4th, Rasa. During this time, a woman named Kiroko, who hailed from a powerful bloodline within Oashisu, the Tsukime clan. (Which I’m positive is not actually a name, but we’re gonna go with it because this is what 9 year old me came up with, and it’s got a ring to it.) The Tsukime had incredible techniques inherited through generations, but Kiroko was not a shinobi because it skipped over her or something - A family in Suna had heard about this, and wanted to snag the power for themselves. They wanted their oldest son, Riku, to marry Kiroko and bear offspring to integrate this power into the Sand. Despite Kiroko refusing many times, Riku eventually changed her mind, mainly because Kiroko isn’t very… strong-willed. They had 4 kids, first twins, a girl and a boy, named Akira and Koi, then a boy named Ichigo, and then a boy named Yuki. Yuki is about a year older than Gaara, for perspective. If Gaara is 12, then Yuki is 13, Ichigo is 14 and Akira and Koi are 16.

They are all half-breeds and not really accepted anywhere, especially with Suna being one of the less progressive villages with a hostile Attitude towards Oashisu, and the kids having distinctive Oashisu features, mainly their skin color. This, in addition to Riku being a less-than-great father, was a lot of pressure, especially when Akira and Koi basically had to raise their little brothers because Kiroko was extremely depressed, and Riku was abusive both emotionally and physically. Akira and Koi went into the line of healing jutsu, because they inherited intensive healing from Riku, enhanced by the Tsukime bloodline. Ichigo and Yuki however, were much more connected to the spiritual Tsukime techniques, and could draw power from spirits who made pacts with them and agreed to lend them power, with Yuki’s being particularly strong. The village kids were obviously unsettled, seeing this very feminine-faced boy seemingly speaking to himself? But this ostracism from the others set him on a great path to becoming friends with Gaara, the Kazekage’s son.

a few weeks of this goes by, and they’re best friends! Gaara finally has a friend. But they are now forbidden from going near each other. Why? Because Yuki is a distraction for Gaara from becoming the weapon his village needs him to be. Plus, a half-breed of the tribe Suna had been fighting for years. They were eventually stripped away from each other completely. Akira and Koi decide enough is enough, pack their things, and leave with their siblings. They navigate back to Oashisu, explain the situation and are gladly accepted in, except… Yuki is gone. And didn’t turn up for years after. Until finally, his bloody heap of a body was found right in front of the door of the siblings’ house. They asked him what had happened, and all that he remembered was that they had tried to take his powers, failed, and injured him really horribly in the process. Yuki is now scarred all over for the rest of his life. The organization that took him was never identified. He’s also not exactly… stable. Yuki, Ichigo, and another boy from Oashisu form an all boys team to enter into the Chunin exams, where Yuki and Ichigo both wear specially designed spirit masks. They enter as ninjas from Suna, with Koi as their Jonin.

When the nin are all gathered in the building, Yuki immediately spots Gaara, and BOY IS HE STUNNING. So obviously my boy is now madly in love, and so the tests commence. Their team passes everything and Yuki develops a pointed dislike of Sasuke as well as Naruto… actually just team 7 in general. Which is strange because he’s actually really good friends with Naruto later. But anyway, he chats with Kankuro a bit throughout the 3rd test, both preliminary and real, but never gets to fight before Orochimaru fucks it up (Yuki’s opponent should be thankful for that.) Yuki immediately goes to find where Gaara is going because he knows about Shukaku (obviously, he can talk to spirits.) and gets INCREDIBLY upset at Sasuke for trying to harm Gaara, but just ends up getting in Gaara’s way trying to help him :( eventually he sees that Gaara will be hurt if he doesn’t do something about Shukaku, so he helps Naruto and Gamabunta, summons a shit ton of spirits, including the very large jackal spirit that gives him his main powers, and ends up on the ground with Gaara and Naruto, except very much not conscious. Gaara requests that his siblings find Yuki’s teammates because he can see his Sand symbol on his headband and figures they can go home together.

after much recovery, Gaara recognizes Yuki as his old childhood friend and is very happy to see him. Gaara does not return nor know about Yuki’s feelings at this time. At the end of the series, when the Sand Siblings run a training program for their village, Gaara takes on Matsuri as a student and Yuki immediately does not like this because… y’know. It’s Matsuri…

(Her blushing over Gaara btw)

he doesn’t think it’s a big deal she got taken, as logically he knows they want Gaara and don’t necessarily need to harm Matsuri to get him. But he goes along with the rescue anyway because Gaara cares about her, as much as it pisses him off.

Yuki forms an elite squad (sorta like the Anbu) with her siblings when Gaara is appointed Kazekage, and they happened to be on a mission when he got kidnapped :( Yuki was SO mad at himself for not being there and snuggled the living shit out of the Kazekage the moment he arrived in the scene (once he was back to life, obviously) He and Matsuri got in a little fight over this, to which Yuki responded with clinging MORE to Gaara >:)

this is as far as I’ve gotten with his lore, so enjoy your yummy soup!

@konoharfts @anomal-studios

Uncolored Yuki pic around the time of the Chunin Exams!

[kuruzawaizanami]

KITTY COUPLE

1. Kitty Cat In Heat

"Rin, tunggu dulu", Kahar calls out

Zahrin lifted his head to the other man and before he could respond, Kahar already pressed his body on his back. Making the omega freeze.

"...Har?"

Kahar quickly nuzzles his nose onto the Omega's skin. Zahrin could feel the alpha's breathe on his neck. But it doesn't last long though. Kahar pulled away just in time to give the man a friendly hug and a pat.

"Kau scent aku?", the omega ask

Zahrin touched his neck, making sure the alpha didn't bite him there. It's not like he hates Kahar. But he already has his own alpha. Not one but two alphas. He didn't want to be marked by another one with or without his consent.

Zahrin's curious eyes wander into Kahar's. He could tell the alpha in front of him isn't in the rut. So, he's safe from Kahar. He trusts his new Kapla just like how he trusts the previous one. They might be bad but they care for their friends.

"Bau kau kuat sangat ni, Rin", Kahar touch Zahrin's red cheek, "Mana Fahmi? Bukan dia selalu ada jaga kau ke?"

Zahrin likes the gestures and without thinking, he leans closer to Kahar as he nuzzles into the Kapla's touch. At first Kahar let him. But after a while, he pulled away. Making the omega whine at the sudden of loss contact.

Kahar shook his head in apologetic looks. He loves his friends but he couldn't bring himself to cross the boundaries. He sees Zahrin as his dear friend. Just like how he sees Hakeem and Fahmi. He would help to comfort him when he was in heat but doing sexual things is a big no. After all, Kahar already has a mate that he needs to take care of.

Lucky for Zahrin, he has his own alphas. So, there's no need for Kahar or Hakeem to handle the omega...sexually.

"Mi mana, Rin?"

Kahar places back his hands into his pocket as he repeats those questions. Zahrin mewl softly as respond. He sounds like a kitten with those red cheeks. Kahar let out a sigh as he pulled the brunette to the nearest room. So, no one could see them especially the omega in heat.

"Okay, cakap. Kau nak pergi mana sebenarnya ni?"

Zahrin try to pinch himself, to stay awake and stop giving into his heat. He leans his body to the wall as he gives the other man a small shrug, pulling his bag on his shoulder.

"Mi ada game. Aku on the way nak jumpa dia la. Tapi...", his breath hitch, "Dah kau cakap bau aku kuat macam ni...aku rasa tak perlu kot p-pergi"

Kahar knows how much the omega wants their alpha to hold them. And no alpha would let their omega go through this heat alone. He's alpha too, he knows the urge to comfort his mate. He was lucky Fakhri wasn't an omega. If Fakhri was about to go into his, it might be a huge problem for Kahar as the Kapla.

"Takde, takde. Aku teman kau", Kahar state

He moved close to the other man and pulled his body close.

"Har, tak payah la-"

"-Aku cakap takpe. Aku ni Kapla kau. Aku jaga kau", he assure, "Kita tunggu kejap si Hakeem tu kat sini. Lepas tu kita gerak sama-sama hm?"

Zahrin couldn't bring himself to deny the alpha's request. He's the alpha of the pack, his leader. And Zahrin wasn't in the position to even speak. He's weak right now. He's in the fucking heat. The omega cursed under his breath when he could feel himself helpless like that. He hates the fact that he can't even stand still. He was lucky Kahar was the first to notice his smell. Or else...he might get bitten.

"...sori, Har"

Kahar put Zahrin's head on his shoulder as he ruffled his hair.

"It's okay, Rin. Rileks je. Kita cari Mi sama-sama"

Zahrin hum. Nuzzling close to the alpha. He doesn't actually mind having Kahar's pheromones around him. Kahar smells good and dominating. It sometimes helps him to survive his heat in KUDRAT. That, before Fahmi and Prakash bit him. After he mated with those two, Zahrin already made up his mind, having two alphas was enough. He adores his Kapla, he admit. But if he was going into heat and wanting someone to embrace him, he would rather choose Fahmi or Prakash.

Kahar is one of those fine, richest and good looking alphas in KUDRAT. Not to mention, he comes from Abu Yamin's family, the most powerful alpha in the country. Of course everyone would want him to be their mate partner and breed their heirs.

Zahrin would've lied if he said he didn't feel a little crush for the Kapla. But that was before. Zahrin knew he wasn't a perfect match for the alpha after all. Well, he wasn't as good as Fakhri, Kahar's mate. That kid was already above him and easily captured their Kapla's heart. Zahrin had always thought it was stupid, honestly, to fall for your own nemesis but since Kahar is happy, Zahrin can't argue with it. He already gives up his little feelings for Kahar.

Fahmi is a good alpha though. Of course, he wasn't as cool as Kahar or came from alpha's family but he was quite popular with the juniors, especially among the football team. Zahrin has been with the alpha for almost 2 years now. He didn't notice it at first, but the more he stayed on the alpha's side, he realized how gentle and caring Fahmi was. Especially with his juniors, take Naim as an example. He was Fahmi's favorite, after all. Zahrin never likes the boy. Every time those two meet, Zahrin would cling to Fahmi and force the alpha to pay attention to him. Fahmi would just smile and pull him closer.

For Fahmi, it was his duty as an alpha to protect the omega in need. Unlike their Kapla, he wasn't actually into this kind of relationship. His focus was only on his study and his soccer team. He never wanted to mate with someone actually. Not until he met Zahrin. Fahmi had to admit, Zahrin was so tempting. His kitty-like grin, his sassy and annoying remarks, his playful glare, his cute hissing and his sweet moaning, Fahmi love all of them. The alpha can't help but to fall for the omega deeper and harder.

Prakash on the other hand, was so uptight. Zahrin always thought he was a beta until he got a glare from the man. The sudden chill once their gaze meet makes the omega excited. He was hooked. Zahrin loves how the alpha would react whenever he provoked him. The first time he lured him in with his heat, Prakash was rough. So rough and hard. If it wasn't about his meds, Zahrin would've been pregnant and being a mother right now. But he got addicted to the play. Zahrin fucking love how rough their mating was.

The alpha didn't like being surrounded by people especially omegas. Prakash didn't like how his inner alpha would easily growl when he could smell a sweet scent from the omega, any omega. But the only omega that kept forcing his way towards the alpha was Zahrin. Both of them didn't even like each other but their inner self, they were purring, drawing each other with pheromones. Funny when Prakash thought they won't be fit to be together but now, they are mates. Zahrin is his omega.

Once they arrive at the school's field, they watch the soccer team members practice with their coach. And Zahrin could see Fahmi on the other side of the field tackling his opponent to get the ball. Not long after that, he scored the game with a loud 'gol'. Just by seeing his face, Zahrin's legs almost give out. He clung to Kahar with a soft gasp. Making the alpha wrap his arm around the omega's waist.

"Duduk dulu sini", Zahrin shook his head

Kahar sigh but touch Zahrin's cheek. He rubs it with his thumb, gently. Hakeem walks past them to his favorite spot and sits down.

"Ada game ke?", he asked, "Siap practice gila-gila macam nak rak"

Kahar chuckle, craning his head back to the field.

"Bulan depan, aku dengar diorang lawan sekolah sebelah", Kahar reply

His rest one arm over Zahrin's shoulder while the other one loosened his tie, just enough for him to breathe. Zahrin leans his head on Kahar, trying to calm down as he closes his eyes. Knowing how much the omega needs his alpha, Kahar uses his alpha voice and calls out for Fahmi. Like an obedient puppy, the captain excuses himself from his team and jog over the High Council.

"Kahar", he does a little bow at the Kapla

Then, nodding his head to Hakeem. Before his eyes land on Zahrin that is still clinging to Kahar. He looked surprised when he could pick the sweet smell lingering in the air. Kahar hum as respond.

"Rin", he pat the omega's head

Zahrin flutters his eyes open. He didn't even realize his alpha was right in front of him. The heat blinds him with the comfort from another alpha he trusts. It almost makes Fahmi frown. Kahar turned his head to the omega and pinch Zahrin's cheek playfully.

"Rin, Fahmi dah datang tu"

It wasn't a command. It was just a simple guide. Zahrin blinks his eyes for a moment. Not long after that, he pulled away with a whine and quickly ran towards Fahmi. Fahmi didn't waste time catching his omega and wrapped his arm around his body. He smiles widely, feeling happy when Zahrin reaches for him. Zahrin buries his nose into Fahmi's neck and smells him.

The same goes for Fahmi. The alpha didn't even want to let go. He nuzzles his nose into the omega's neck and purposely nibs his skin.

Zahrin didn't care about the sweat or stinky smell from the alpha. Hell, he wants the alpha to touch him already. To get him into bed and mate with him. The alpha gave his omega another nib on his neck, leaving just enough marks to help the omega to stay sober. Zahrin let out a soft mewl as he closed his eyes. He could feel his body shiver under the alpha's touch.

"Alahai, sweet-sweet la pulak", Hakeem cough

Kahar raises an eyebrow at the beta, placing both hands in his pocket.

"Kau cuba jangan sibuk, Keem"

"Tak, tak. Aku tak kacau diorang pun. Aku cakap pasal...", he looked around for a second before he pointed anywhere randomly, "Haa, tu! Budak tu haa! Tsk, tsk, apalah...sweet tu"

Kahar shoves Hakeem playfully, to which makes the betas laugh. Fahmi chuckled as he rested his chin on Zahrin's shoulder and ruffled his omega's hair. It doesn't last long, however, and Zahrin whines once his alpha pulls away.

"Shh, shh", the alpha assures, "Pasni kita scent. Lima minit je, sayang. Mi nak buat wrap"

He explained, brushing his fingers into Zahrin's hair and gently presses a kiss on his forehead. Zahrin pout, clinging to Fahmi's jersey as if he doesn't want to let go.

'Cute', Fahmi smiles, ear to ear

Zahrin looks so adorable with those red and puffy cheeks. Fahmi cups his face and presses another kiss on Zahrin's cheek. After the omega feels okay, he slowly let go of his hold and looks at his alpha.

"Lima minit, janji?"

"Mi janji. Rin tunggu sini dengan diorang kejap tau?"

Zahrin nods, making the alpha pat him one last time before he takes off, running. Zahrin was dazed. He couldn't move from his alpha scent. The strong smell of iron, copper and leather already pinned him there. He didn't know how much scent he was letting out since he didn't take any of his meds. Only when someone grabs his arm, he snaps back and sees Hakeem. The beta gives him a look as he gestures at the bench.

"Sini, Rin", Hakeem pull Zahrin to the side

Making him sit. Zahrin couldn't bring himself to argue with them. His attention was only on Fahmi and he wanted his alpha, so fucking bad. But his alpha already told him to wait and he cannot say no to it. The omega nervously bounces his left foot as he watches his alpha talking with his teammates. It was just a few minutes but fuck, Zahrin couldn't wait any longer.

"Nak mengawan dah ni", Hakeem put both hands on his waist with a sigh, "Aku dah cakap makan ubat kau, Rin. Makan ubat kau. Tapi kau degil"

"Dah depan mata kan?", Kahar grin

"Kalau tak tahan sangat, kenapa tak cari yang satu lagi tu?", Hakeem raise an eyebrow

"Sape? Budak Prakash tu?"

At the mention of his another alpha's name, Zahrin perked up like a cat. His eyes grew big when he looked at Kahar.

"Prakash...?"

Both Kahar and Hakeem shut their mouths. They didn't expect the omega would recognize the name when he was so focused on Fahmi. Zahrin turns his attention to Hakeem and grabs the beta by his tie as he pulls him closer.

"Nak Prakash...", he mewl near Hakeem's ear, "...nak"

Making the smaller blush at the sound of the omega. With enough strength, Hakeem tears himself from Zahrin and keeps a safe space between them. He point his finger at the Lekir's dorm.

"Sana! P-Prakash kat sana!", he stutter

Zahrin blinked his eyes twice as he furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Hakeem with a confused face. Then scowl at himself for giving in to the heat. Kahar quickly cut in and patted the omega on his back.

"Hei, rileks okay? Dedua pun kau punya kan? Kalau kau nak Prakash pegang kau, kitorang boleh bawak kan"

Zahrin grunt. He shook his head.

"Tak, tak...aku dah janji ngan Mi. Mi suruh aku tunggu dia", he wiped the sweat that was dripping from his jaw, "Tapi...fuck it, Har. Aku tak boleh tahan lagi. Aku nak alpha aku", he whine, "Aku nak dua-dua"

"Kalau gitu, aku pergi tarik Mi", Kahar state and then turn to Hakeem, "Kau pergi cari Prakash dan clear kan bilik isolasi untuk diorang"

Hakeem nod and hurry walked away. Kahar ruffles the omegas hair before he gets up. Using his alpha voice, he shouted at Fahmi from the benches.

"AHMAD FAHMI BIN SAZALI!!"

This time, he roared.

Just like trained dogs, all of the boys stopped whatever they were doing and snapped their heads towards the Kapla. Obviously listening to their alpha's command.

Zahrin flinched at the call. He almost submitted to Kahar's voice. Luckily, Fahmi was quick to rush back to them, leaving his team behind. He didn't even wait when he heard his name. Kahar points at Zahrin once Fahmi reaches them.

"Rin nak kau ngan budak Prakash tu. Bawak dia sekarang dan ikut aku", Kahar command

Fahmi quickly nodded, obeying the Kapla. He moved to Zahrin and took his hand in his. The omega didn't hesitate to launch himself into his alpha. Taking all the scent he could get to feed his lust but the heat won't stop until he gets the alpha to mate with him. Fahmi stopped him before the omega could get any idea and let himself be exposed in public.

Kahar already picks their stuff and walks away. He doesn't need to know what the two are going to talk about.

"Rin, elok-elok jalan. Nanti jatuh", Fahmi remind the omega

"Mi", he planted a few kisses on Fahmi's cheek, "...cepat"

Whining when he received nothing. Little did he know the alpha was beyond crazy. Zahrin couldn't help it, he wanted the alpha to touch him right there. He even dares to nuzzle into the alpha's throat, so dangerously close.

Fahmi had to grit his both fangs when the omega's skin brushes his. His inner alphas were literally screaming, telling him to bite and breed the omega right away. Fahmi hates those dirty thoughts that were forming in his head. But as much as he tried to endure it, they were mates.

"Sana, masuk"

Kahar's voice snapped Fahmi back to reality. He was biting his lips so hard, it was bleeding. He looks at where the Kapla's point out. The isolation room. The alternative rooms that were prepared for students who were in heat and ruts. Fahmi grunt at the thought of him, Zahrin and Prakash locked inside there.

"Prakash dah kat dalam", Hakeem blurt

Getting a glare from Fahmi. Hakeem looked away almost instantly as he hid himself behind Kahar.

"Nanti kau masuk, kitorang kunci dari luar. Aku yang akan pegang kunci", Kahar said, showing them the keys, "Minggu depan aku yang akan buka"

Fahmi gives him a small hum, pulling Zahrin closer as he reaches for the door's knob with his other hand.

"Ah, satu lagi, Mi", Fahmi halt, "Meds ada dalam laci. Aku nak kau stop bila Zahrin cakap stop. Kau faham?"

Fahmi cleared his throat and nod. He pushes the door and steps inside. Once his feet were set inside, he could hear the lock clicked. The doors locked. Fahmi notices another alpha's presence in the room. Prakash. He was sitting on the bed with both hands together. When he noticed the two, he quickly stood up.

"Dia tak perasan bau kau. Kau nak bawak dia tak?", Fahmi offer

Lifting Zahrin's chin up so the other man could see him. Zahrin's face was already red like a tomato and oh boy, his face was so messy.

Prakash clenched his jaw when he could smell the sweet scent coming from the omega. It almost makes him lose control. He hurries to walk to them and take the omega from Fahmi's hand. Carefully, he touches Zahrin's cheek. Letting the omega pick up his presence.

At first, Zahrin couldn't smell him but once he could tell the familiar and calm scent around him, Zahrin lifted his face to Prakash.

"Prakash...?", he whimpered, softly

The alpha hum, pressing a kiss on top of the omega's head.

"Lay down first okay?"

The omega nod, reaching up to hugs the alpha. He nuzzles his nose to the man's collar as he takes his scent and breathes slowly. Prakash brings Zahrin to the bed and carefully lays him down. Once he could feel the fabric hit skin, Zahrin pulled off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt almost immediately. He couldn't wait anymore. The two alphas watch the omega take off his shirt, sucking a deep breath. Zahrin didn't even mind exposing himself like that. He wants them to stare at his body. But before he could reach down for his pants, to be fully naked, Prakash stopped him.

"Tunggu"

His hand was on the omega's exposed belly. Zahrin whined when he was told to wait again. He couldn't. The omega hugged the hands that were holding him. He wants them to touch him more and more. His eyes were glassy as if begging for them to breed him right now.

Of course the two couldn't wait.

But before they decided who was going first, Zahrin already grabbed Prakash by his tie and pulled him down. He crashed his mouth onto the alpha, mouth gapping for attention.

"...kiss", Zahrin tugged his tie again

Biting them using his teeth.

Prakash cursed under his breath before kiss the boy almost instantly. His both hands roam over the omega's body and rest it on his waist. He pushes Zahrin down with a little bit of force, making the omega moan in the kiss. The kiss was silly and rough. But none of them want to pull away. Even if they did, it was just to take a breath.

Fahmi already pulled up his sweaty jersey and threw it on the floor. He wants a taste of his omega too, he couldn't wait.

"Mi...?", the alpha hum as he nib the Omega's ear, gently, "...Mi"

He cups the alpha's face with both hands. Then kiss his lips. Fahmi smiled in the kiss as he deepened it. All of Zahrin's touch feel and taste so good, he almost eats him for real. Prakash, on the other hand, is busy undressing the omega. He wants his mate to be completely naked for them.

"Oh"

Zahrin breaks the kiss to face the other alpha. Fahmi did the same. Prakash is holding Zahrin's pants in his hand while his eyes wander between the Omega's legs. Then, they both look down. Zahrin was already soaked with his own juice. He's so fucking wet, it drives them crazy.

"Patut la bau sayang sedap", Fahmi sucks in his breath, brushing his nose on Zahrin's collarbone, "...fuck, Kitty"

Both of them are already panting, hard. A little push from Zahrin could make them go out of control. Yet, the omega didn't seem to care. He already lost to his own lust.

Prakash brings the fabric to his nose as he inhales the sweet smell of the omega. He even licked it, tasting how good Zahrin was. The scent of omega in heat is enough to make the alphas blind. And he's hard as fuck.

"Kitty", Prakash purr

Making the omega's body react to the call. He reaches his hand to Prakash and pulls him closer.

None of them want to stop. Both of the alphas kiss their omega on the cheek and forehead, scenting and marking him like the omega wishes for. Gentle or rough, Zahrin loves it. His omega reacts to each touch from his alphas.

Zahrin's heat usually lasts for a week. And yeah, both of the alphas were ready.

"Bagi dia rest kejap", Fahmi throw a snack and water bottle at Prakash

The man caught it right on time before he laid the omega down. Zahrin nuzzles into his pillow as he slowly falls asleep. Both of the alphas sit on the edge of the bed, eating and drinking to gain their strength. They have more days to catch up.

"Rin comel kan?"

"Huh?"

"Aku cakap, Rin comel kan?", Fahmi brush Zahrin's hair and pat him, "Walaupun mulut ngan perangai dia cam puaka sikit. Tapi tu yang buat dia, dia"

Prakash looks down to the sleeping omega as he rests one hand on his knee. He chose to just listen, doing absolutely nothing. Other than watching Zahrin. He's not good with this talking and communication stuff after all.

"Aku tak faham kenapa dia pilih kau tapi kalau tu buat Rin happy, aku tak masalah"

Prakash knew he was the second option. He wasn't the one Zahrin would think of. Yet, he couldn't help but to fall for the omega. Just like Fahmi said, Zahrin was indeed lovely. Even though Zahrin always pushes him on edge and makes him want to punch the boy so bad. But he is still falling.

"Kau sayang...Zahrin?", he asked, quietly

Almost sounds like he was squeaking. Fahmi pauses, staring down on Zahrin's sleepy face.

"Sayang...?", Fahmi brush his thumb over Zahrin's cheek

Feeling the dry tears there, he gently rubbed em and then smiled softly.

"Gila la kalau tak sayang", he laugh softly, "Aku tak pernah jumpa orang yang annoying macam budak ni. Sassy, annoying...tapi caring"

Then lifted his face to Prakash. It caught the man off guard.

"Kau benci Rin gila-gila dulu kan? Macam mana rasanya bila dah sayang? Bila dah jatuh cinta?", he raise an eyebrow

Making the other alpha choke in his food. He smacked his chest, coughing for a second before he wiped his mouth. Then narrow his eyes at the alpha. Fahmi already grin, ear to ear. He never thought he could make the younger startled like that.

"Tak payah tahu", he grumble, finishing his food

"Hah! Ikut suka kau la!"

Prakash looks away with a huff as he picks up a bottle of mineral water, drinking it. He's not in the mood to talk about feelings with an alpha.

Fahmi was too busy staring at Zahrin's, taking all his cute snoring and his beautiful sleeping face. He didn't even care about the other alpha.

And they would take turns to please the omega's needs after that.

On the fifth day, Zahrin's scent went back to normal, unlike usual. Both of the alphas notice the changes from the omega and hurry to check on Zahrin.

"Hey?", Prakash rub his cheek, "Kitty?"

Trying to wake the boy. The omega opens his eyes slowly as he stretches out his arm like a cat before he rubs his eyes with a small hum. Both of the alphas exchange a look between them. Then let out a sigh of relief when Zahrin seems alright.

"Rin, sayang", Fahmi kiss his forehead, "Heat sayang dah stop ke?"

Zahrin blinks his eyes for a moment. Then narrow his eyes at them, confused and pissed. But when he was about to speak, his voice came out hoarse.

"Alamak, sakit tekak ya?"

The alpha tease. Getting a hiss from the omega. Fahmi laughs as he cradles Zahrin's head and lays them on his chest. He misses that angry face of his omega already. Zahrin bit his arm that was near his face, almost too hard it made Fahmi wince.

"Ganas betul la", he pinches the omega's cheek, playfully, "Kitty Cat marah"

Zahrin rolls his eyes in annoyed as he lets go of Fahmi's arm.

"Minum?"

Prakash offers Zahrin a bottle of mineral water and some vitamins for the omega to gain some energy. But it's not enough for Zahrin, though. The boy was hungry. Like so fucking hungry. He was lucky they had a lot of food that was prepared for them in the room.

Fahmi and Prakash watch how hungry that omega was. One hand was holding an apple and the other grabbed the snacks. Zahrin does look like a toddler that way and it's adorable. All three of them were sitting on the mat on the floor together and ate their share of food. Fahmi and Prakash only took a piece of the crackers since Zahrin was munching down almost all the food.

"Pelan-pelan, Rin", Fahmi assure, "Tak lari mana pun makanan tu. Semua kau punya"

Zahrin replied with a small huff as he stuffed another sumi in his mouth. Earning a chuckle from Prakash. Somehow he likes how silly that boy could be. Ah, just like how good it was when he threw insult at him, Prakash purred at the thought.

"Comot", he wiped the corner of Zahrin's mouth with his thumb, "Melayu makan macam ni ke?"

Zahrin licks his lips with a glare.

"Diam la", he paused for a moment before putting the apple in front of Prakash, "Eh kejap...kau makan benda ni tak?"

Zahrin sounds so innocent when he blurts that out. Fahmi crack, holding his body when he burst out laughing. Prakash grabs Zahrin's face in his hand and forces a kiss to the omega. Making the boy gasp in surprise as he was pushed down. Zahrin pushed the other boy with both hands on his chest, clearing his throat with red cheeks. He looks so confused, it irritates the alpha.

Fahmi uses that time to slip in and hold both of Zahrin's wrists. The omega runs his eyes between the two, feeling himself shivers under the alpha's gaze. They were staring at him like he was the prey, like a prey.

"...fuck", he breathe

And yeap, they make out again. This time, on their right mind.

"Sayang nak balik bilik arini? Sebab sayang dah okay ni?", Fahmi ask, licking Zahrin's neck

The omega shook his head as he leaned into Fahmi and kissed his collarbone. Leaving a few hickeys there and there. It's only fair for the omega to make his mark on his alphas. Since his body was all used and marked by them.

"Lagi?", Fahmi grin, pressing a kiss on his head, "Comel la kau ni, Rin~"

"Kan? Aku comel kan?", Zahrin replied with the same grin and got on top of the alpha, "Tak adil betul mark kau orang boleh tahan lama tapi bila aku buat, dua tiga hari je terus dah hilang"

He fakes pouts, pawing on Fahmi's chest like a cat. Fahmi cracks a laugh when he hears that. He placed both of his hands on Zahrin's waist with a wide grin.

"Buat je, sayang. Nak cekau pun Mi tak kisah. Ni nak lagi ke apa hm?", he purr

Zahrin likes the idea. Both clawing and mating ideas. He loves it when his alphas pay attention to him. Just him. He leaned down to Fahmi, running his fingers up to Fahmi's neck. He opens his mouth and licks the alpha's jaw before he nom on his cheek.

"Ah, tolong~ Aku kena gigit dengan kucing besar", Fahmi fake a dramatic gasp, "Habislah aku dimakan~"

Making the boy laugh. He scrap his teeth on the alpha's neck and nib them. But before Zahrin could go any further, Prakash slammed the bottle onto the table, startling both of them.

"Kau apa pasal?", Fahmi click his tongue

He clearly doesn't like how that man cut in and interrupted them. Prakash didn't reply. He just simply keeps his back on them. Drawing Zahrin's attention to the other alpha. At first he was confused but a moment later, he realized why.

Prakash is jealous.

He turns back to Fahmi with a sneaky grin as he leans to whispers in his ear. Fahmi looked at the omega with surprised face. He never knew Prakash could be that jealous when they were playing together. His anger easily swept away.

"Oh", Fahmi chuckled, "Kau cemburu Rin bagi perhatian kat aku ke?", he turn to the other alpha, propping one elbow to his side, "Cakap jelah kau nak turn kau pulak"

Zahrin almost giggles at the words. He gets off from Fahmi slowly and crawls over to Prakash. With a gentle move, he wraps his arm around the alpha's shoulder and nuzzles his cheek on his hairs.

"Aww, sini, sini", he rubs his head on the alpha's cheek like a cat, "Merajuk ke? Nanti hodoh la, aku tak suka"

Prakash groan, making Zahrin grin when he heard the response. He loves pissing him off and it never tired him.

"Prakash~", he pressed a few kisses on his cheek

Fahmi let them be and just watch. He knows Zahrin could handle Prakash on his own so he's not that worried. They are sharing the omega though. And since Zahrin chose that kid himself, it's not Fahmi's place to complain.

Zahrin kisses Prakash's skin from his cheek down to his shoulder. Then he pulled the boy to look at him. And like magic, Prakash was easily lured into the omega. Zahrin cups the alpha's face and pecks his lips.

"Aku nak gigit kau boleh?"

Prakash furrowed his eyebrows. His inner alpha grunt, dislikes the idea of them being marked by someone.

"No", he said, sternly

"Apsal pulak?", Zahrin tilts his head, "Fair la kan sebab kau dah mark aku banyak kali", he point to the bite marks on his neck and shoulder, "Tak adil kalau aku tak boleh. Kau mate aku kan? Kalau kau boleh gigit aku, mesti aku boleh buat kat kau jugak"

"He got a point though", Fahmi whistle

Clearly agreeing with Zahrin's rambling. Zahrin nod, giving the man a point look. There's a long pause before Prakash finally sighs and gives up.

"Okay, fine. Boleh", he wraps a hand over Zahrin's waist, "Come here"

Prakash pulls Zahrin closer, so the onega can bite him. Zahrin didn't waste any time and sank his teeth in the alpha's skin. Like a cat, he bit, nibbing and kitten lick the mark he did on the alpha. But none of the marks and hickeys could be seen. Prakash's skin was way too dark for people to even notice it.

And it pissed Zahrin off. The boy keep on biting, this time a little harder. Just to make the mark visible, at least for him to see.

"Okay, that's enough", Prakash pushed the omega's head a little bit away with a chuckle, "Bad kitty"

Zahrin sticks his tongue out, grinning at the alpha. Prakash raise a hand and touch Zahrin's cheek, brushing his thumb on the soft skins of the omega. Zahrin nuzzle under the touch with a small purr. The alpha then leans closer and kisses him. Earning a soft sigh from the omega. Zahrin ran his hand up and down on the alpha's abs, feeling how good that boy was.

While the two were kissing, Zahrin could feel Fahmi move onto his back and snake his hand down to his bottom. Making the omega moan in the kiss. He pulled away with a wide cat-like grin and turned to Fahmi. The other alpha was waiting for him, obviously for a kiss.

"Let's do it one more time", he purred, "Kitty"

One week has passed and as promised, Kahar unlocked the door for them. Zahrin was the first to come out, looking so refreshed. Like his burden was lifted. The Kapla watches him with a surprised look. He thought Zahrin would be weak, at least limping himself out. But seeing how well that kid was, Kahar was glad.

Fahmi and Prakash did take a good care of Zahrin. So good that both of them look like a mess.

"Apa?", Zahrin asks when the Kapla stare blindly at him

But Kahar didn't reply. His attention was on the alphas that were walking out behind Zahrin. Both of them share the same looks, messy bed hair, tired faces and loose shirts. As if Zahrin sucked the energy from the two alphas. Kahar crosses his arm with an eyebrow raise, looking a bit impressed.

"Kau betul-betul kerjakan diorang?", he gesture

Both of the alphas yawns, brushing their hairs back. Zahrin grin at the question.

"Kenapa?", he lean closer to the Kapla, "Kau nak jugak?"

He didn't mean it though. He was just messing with the Kapla. Just want to see how the other would react. And if Kahar did want to join them, Zahrin wouldn't mind. He trusts the alpha anyway.

The two of them stare at each other for another moment before Kahar's lips curl up into a smirk. He takes a step closer to the omega and leans down to meet his level.

"Comel, Rin. Comel"

Zahrin didn't expect to be that close to the Kapla. He could feel his cheeks burn at the praise. He was almost falling for the Kapla again. Almost. But then Kahar pulled away with a soft sigh and shook his head.

"Tapi tak boleh, Rin. Aku dah ada mate aku sendiri. Dan aku dah janji kat kau, aku takkan sentuh kau macam tu, ingat tak?"

Kahar's voice was so soft. It melts the omega's heart just like that. Kahar raises his hand and pats Zahrin on his head with a small smile.

"Sori"

"...hnn", he nodded, closing his eyes when the alpha did that

And before he could falls for the alpha even more, Prakash has already pulled Zahrin by his arm. Almost growling when he sees another alpha lays a hand on his omega.

He wasn't as chill as Fahmi.

Fahmi trusts Kahar as his leader. He knew Kahar wouldn't want to cross the bond between them. Plus, Kahar has his own mate. And the Kapla was so into his mate. Not Zahrin. That's why he isn't really worried when they two get closer like that.

Zahrin turns his head to Prakash, blinking his eyes at the alpha. Then, he laugh.

"Kahar main-main jelah! Kau tak payah la ambik serious sangat! Ke kau jealous lagi ke? Wow, syok gila kau kat aku eh!"

Prakash groans when Zahrin keeps saying that. The omega is not going to stop anyway. Prakash makes a face when Zahrin hugs his arm, clinging to the alpha.

"Kau tak payah la usik Rin macam tu, Har", Fahmi move to Kahar's side, "Nanti yang situ ngamuk"

"Rin yang mintak", Kahar replied before he paused and turn to Fahmi, "Eh, tapi kau bertiga ni mengawan je kan? Takde pukul-pukul kat dalam?", he asked

Kahar didn't like the idea of two alphas picking on an omega. Even though he did warn Fahmi to stop if Zahrin couldn't take it. But he couldn't help it, he was worried those two might hurt the omega. Kahar didn't know how one omega handled two alphas. Reza couldn't even take both of his partners at one time. Let alone Zahrin.

"Takde. Kami gilir, ikut turn", Fahmi said, "Hakeem mana?"

Kahar nod, feeling relief. That's good. He placed both hands in his pocket.

"Hakeem balik kampung. Nanti malam dia baru sampai asrama. Kalau kau nak mandi, sempat lagi ni sebab tak ramai orang. Arini Ahad"

"Oh, baguslah", he nod, "Rin? Aku mandi kat dorm kau"

Zahrin and Prakash turn their heads to them. The omega nod, pulling away from his alpha.

"Nak pergi ke? Jom, jom", he pushed them to walk

Both of the alphas shook their heads but did as they were told. Zahrin lagged on the back and walked side by side with Kahar while the other two walked on the front. There's long silence between them. Zahrin was too busy nibbing on his snack that he sneaked from the room.

If Hakeem were there, he would share the food with that beta.

When they walk, Kahar noticed something from where he was standing. He opens his mouth and leans closer to Zahrin with a lower voice.

"Teruk betul kau kerjakan diorang ni sampai merah leher"

Zahrin choked at the food.

[freeeggbailiffcash]

Drawing is something precious to Kahar.

It’s his coping mechanism, a safe haven, but he’s never liked showing off his drawings, let alone drawing in front of someone else.

Sure sometimes he’d show Hakeem, but other than that there’s no one else.

(there’s a part of him that feels the gnawing weight of insecurity.

that anxiousness of fakhri might respond.

would he think it’s a useless skill kahar’s father did?

would he fake interest like beja?)

Fakhri wordlessly waits on the sideline as Kahar makes his usual sketch first–something Kahar is grateful for because he hates it when someone is hovering when he draws.

They’re both quiet again.

The silence doesn’t feel that heavy and Kahar feels himself get immersed in his moment of contemplation, adding the necessary details.

He almost forgets Fakhri’s presence when he starts humming the song he’s gotten stuck in his head.

“Kau memang lebih otak kanan, eh?”

“Kau percaya ke bende otak kanan otak kiri tu?”

Fakhri hummed, not really answering. Kahar bites his lips, faltering a bit but continues his art. Personally speaking, Kahar doesn’t really trust much on the right vs left myth.

He’s the son of Dato’ Abu Yamin.

Regardless of anything, he needs to prove his merit–arts and music are not worthy of any measure of success–not by his father’s standard.

And to believe that he has more affinity in arts just because he’s more prone to his right brain would be admitting he’ll never be good enough.

When he’s finished, he slowly puts it down. There’s still some hesitation–worry that Fakhri might look down on him, but he slides it towards him anyway.

Kahar drew an ink art of a raven, tangled in the embrace of a boa constrictor in mid air.

It might be morbid; but it’s all that he could envision and what he thought he could try in the limited time that they have with each other.

(in his mind, kahar is cursing himself in hundreds different ways imaginable.

hating himself for baring his twisted broken side.

hating himself for being weak in front of fakhri)

For a moment, Fakhri said nothing. His eyes traced every detail of the piece—the snake’s scales, the bird’s feathers, the way they were intertwined in an almost violent dance.

The silence was unbearable. Kahar felt the familiar gnawing weight of insecurity creeping in.

"Kalau kau rasa ni hodoh or dark sangat—"

“Hebat.”

Kahar froze.

“Lukisan kau... hebat,” Fakhri said again, his voice steady, almost reverent.

Kahar stared at him, waiting for some sarcasm or critique, but there was none. Fakhri’s expression was sincere, his eyes fixed on the drawing like it was something sacred.

“Bukan cantik?” Kahar asked hesitantly.

Fakhri snorted, “Aku dah puji hebat, kau nak mintak cantik pulak.”

A wry grin broke into Kahar’s face when he noticed how much lighter Fakhri seemed.

“Tapi memang cantik, kan?” Kahar goaded.

“haa amik, amik.. yee lukisan kau cantik nak mampos, Kahar.”

The tension between them shifted, the weight in the room dissipating into something lighter, almost teasing.

Kahar chuckled, leaning back as he watched Fakhri still staring at the sketch.

There was something reassuring about the way Fakhri’s fingers hovered near the edges of the paper, as if afraid touching it might ruin its integrity.

“Kau nak try lukis?”

“Kot aku lukis memang sekor jadi cacing kerawit, sekor lagi jadi burung lidi.”

Kahar is almost disappointed. He wanted this to be a shared activity. A give and take because the essence of their relationship was built on that.

Symbiosis.

Instead, Fakhri stands, pulling Kahar to his feet. He proceeds to teach him how to properly handle a knife in a fight

Admittedly, Kahar is surprised at first, and it’s not something he ever expected. But astonishingly enough, it feels intimate.

Maybe they’re both broken

How Fakhri’s hand slid over his wrist, adjusting his grip, his breath warm against Kahar’s ear.

Kahar’s heart thudded—too fast, too loud. Was it the adrenaline? The proximity? He couldn’t tell, but he wasn’t about to pull away.

[mayfriend]

I don't want to pressure you at all, but do you have any idea when the next chapter of Tabula Rasa will be ready? I'm very excited to find out what happens to Spider now that he's been rescued. And would you mind posting a snippet of anything you have for the next chapter please? Thank you 💙

I can't tell you when the next chapter of tabula rasa is going to be up, because I don't know myself (there's a chunk in the middle I'm not happy with rn, so I don't want to move on without fixing that), but it is in progress and I can give you a snippet!

Preview of CHAPTER 11:

His hand goes to his throat as the low-level buzz of voices grow louder, the contrasting textures of the wooden rosary and metal dogtags calming his panicked thoughts. It’s a split second decision to throw himself back down to the mat and screw his eyes shut as he feels the floor shifting with footsteps. “–the boy still asleep?” The man’s voice is pitched low, presumably to avoid waking him, but Miles bites down a flinch regardless. Terror twists in his stomach, and he knows if he was turned towards his captors then his strained expression would give away his consciousness in a moment. “Yes,” a woman’s voice replies. “But I am told this is not unusual. A human will need more rest than we do, and you told me yourself that the boy exhausted himself yesterday.” The only reply is a hum of acknowledgement. Neither voice has grown closer, and Miles dares open his eyes to see two shadows spilling across the marui’s woven floor, almost leaving the hut entirely in darkness The larger of the two – taller and broader both – lifts a hand and bring it up to his head. “I fear we have made a mistake in bringing him here,” the man sighs. “I told you this was all a mistake,” the woman states, and her shadow grows bigger. Miles has just enough warning to close his eyes and force his expression into something resembling slackness before he is in her view. “But the time for these doubts and recriminations is past. Our people must live with our choices, your choices. Those that can.” “Ma yawne…” “Uturu is uturu is uturu,” the woman says, right above Miles’ body. He is sure that it must be blindingly obvious that he is awake, his every muscle taut as a bowstring, but Tonowari’s mate makes no mention of it, so maybe she is not looking. “You do not need to tell me this. As soon as you accepted their petition, we were bound. I advised otherwise at the time, and you ignored me, olo’eyktan. Do not tell me now that you regret, not now.” “You would have had me turn away children?”  A hiss. The floor shifts again; Miles daren’t even breathe. “I would have had you turn away the father, yes.” “To separate a father from his child–” “Then what is this, Tonowari?” 

somebody's in trouuubleee (it's tonowari. tonowari is in trouble.)

[blazehedgehog]

It's been all but confirmed that SEGA's upcoming reboots of Jet Set Radio and Crazy Taxi are going to be live service games with predatory monetization. Why would they do this? Why are live service games with predatory monetization still popular?

I mean this is the most naked example of capitalism.

Financially speaking, let's break down what a game means. If a company like Sega gets you to buy one game a year, that means you are giving them $50-$70 annually. If it's a game you really like, something that becomes your favorite game of all time, then it is the bar you compare all other games in the franchise to. Yakuza 5 is the best one? Well Yakuza 3, 4, 6, and 7 aren't as good as Yakuza 5, then. And maybe that means you eventually stop buying new Yakuza games, because you'd rather replay your favorite one.

In comes the live service game. You never buy it, it never ends. You can't say "Yakuza 5 was my favorite" because there is no Yakuza 5. There's just The Yakuza Game, and maybe season 5 was your favorite, but parts of season 5 are still in the game even though its season 28. Right? Season 5 never really goes away, not entirely.

An item in The Yakuza Game is $5. Maybe it's a shirt, maybe its shoes, whatever. And that's a lot cheaper than $60 for an entire game, right? So people are more willing to buy it. If you buy one $5 item a month, then Sega has made the same amount of money from you that they would have if you bought a full price game.

But the idea isn't just to make you spend $5 a month. Maybe you spend $10 some months. $15. Even $20. For $20, you get four virtual shirts, and that's cheaper than the price of one real-life shirt. Right? You feel like that has appropriate value.

But in Sega's eyes, all these small increments add up to you giving them more money over the long term. And on a game that lasts forever. $60-$240 a year, every year, in perpetuity.

They don't have to worry about a remaster in ten years, because if it catches on, then this forever-game will still be getting played in ten years. At worst, you can do what Fortnite, Overwatch and Apex Legends did, and have throwback seasons (and in those cases, you can charge people a second time for updated versions of items users might already have).

This is how Epic Games makes $20 billion a year. A live service game has the potential to vastly exceed the profits of a traditional one-and-done game by truly staggering degrees.

The catch being the same thing that happened in the mid 2000's. World of Warcraft exploded big time and everybody scrambled to make their own MMO to steal WoW's thunder. Turns out: people only have so much time in their day. Dozens of MMOs failed. Wild Star, Everquest Next, Tabula Rasa, Warhammer Online...

Remember when I said "Maybe Yakuza 5 is your favorite" and mentioned how many Yakuza games came both before and after it? Yeah. Now you aren't competing with other games in the series, you're competing with the pillars of the genre. For a live service game to succeed, you need to nail "the favorite" on your first shot. And there aren't very many games that do that, in any format.

And in a live service arena like this, where a lot of the profit is generated from entrenched, habitual spenders who burrow into one game and never leave? The odds of pulling them out of their comfort zone shrink, and shrink, and shrink. If you only play video games for an hour per day, why would you go somewhere new when all of your friends and items already exist in the current game?

But such is the siren call of profit. Why make $100 million on Jet Set Radio when it has the potential to be $1 billion, $5 billion, or even $10 billion? Even just a sprinkling of live service can sweeten long term earnings, after all. Users may not like it, but they'll tolerate being annoyed a little bit. And it's fine annoying them a little bit. And a little bit more. And a little bit more. And a little bit more.

Please, we only made $390 million on this game. We expected $1 billion. We can't make games that don't generate $1 billion in profit. $390 million is nothing. Nobody can do anything worthwhile with just $390 million. The investors are laughing at us. Throw yourself before the golden throne or you'll get the cattle prod again. Your favorite game franchises demand it.

[talonabraxas]

The Secret Knowledge—Purusha-Prakriti in the Cosmic Operation

His works, his thoughts have been devised by her, His being is a mirror vast of hers: Active, inspired by her he speaks and moves; His deeds obey her heart’s unspoken demands: Passive, he bears the impacts of the world As if her touches shaping his soul and life: His journey through the days is her sun-march; He runs upon her roads; hers is his course. ||14.4||

A witness and student of her joy and dole, A partner in her evil and her good, He has consented to her passionate ways, He is driven by her sweet and dreadful force. ||14.5|| His sanctioning name initials all her works; His silence is his signature to her deeds; In the execution of her drama’s scheme, In her fancies of the moment and its mood, In the march of this obvious ordinary world Where all is deep and strange to the eyes that see And Nature’s common forms are marvel-wefts, She through his witness sight and motion of might Unrolls the material of her cosmic Act, Her happenings that exalt and smite the soul, Her force that moves, her powers that save and slay, Her Word that in the silence speaks to our hearts, Her silence that transcends the summit Word, Her heights and depths to which our spirit moves, Her events that weave the texture of our lives And all by which we find or lose ourselves, Things sweet and bitter, magnificent and mean, Things terrible and beautiful and divine. ||14.6||

Her empire in the cosmos she has built, He is governed by her subtle and mighty laws. ||14.7|| His consciousness is a babe upon her knees, Her endless space is the playground of his thoughts, His being a field of her vast experiment; She binds to knowledge of the shapes of Time And the creative error of limiting mind And chance that wears the rigid face of fate And her sport of death and pain and Nescience, His changed and struggling immortality. ||14.8||

His soul is a subtle atom in a mass, His substance a material for her works. ||14.9||

His spirit survives amid the death of things, He climbs to eternity through being’s gaps, He is carried by her from Night to deathless Light. ||14.10||

This grand surrender is his free-will’s gift, His pure transcendent force submits to hers. ||14.11||

In this description of the Sankhya metaphysics poetry might look somewhat thin but it holds another plain descriptive charm, charm of bareness; there is another fascination in it, its own well composed beauty, saundarya, its own serene yet tranquil essence, rasa, a deportment that has the quality of bringing wideness of the spirit itself. From a spiritual point of view the description is of the secret knowledge that Aswapati has to have if his concern is dealing with the cosmic issue, this creation opening to the higher possibilities that must enter into it. The Soul is at the back of everything and the job of Nature is to prepare this world, full of anguished mortality, to receive the immortal gifts of greatness, of light and love and sweetness and power and knowledge and joy. Let us read Sri Aurobindo’s Triple Brahman from the Upanishads. (pp. 45-50) ‘Love is a Cosmic Force’ Alex Grey

[panka-attic]

These writers don't pull the punches. I've been thinking about how Armand keeps throwing in tiny little Latin phrases whenever he speaks.

Greek philosophy, something he would learn as a human, and still uses when he's feeling clever. Devastating if you ask me, and also loaded. Making this guy talk about kids' development, are you joking? Or is it the sleep of an infant? Tabula rasa.

[fake-protagonist]

Jika apa yang kau impikan tak terjadi sesuai keinginan kau, maka senangilah setiap yang terjadi, barangkali takdir itulah yang terbaik menurutNya.

Lambat belum tentu buruk, gagal dalam percubaan juga tak bermakna gagal selama-lamanya, so what if you came last in the run? At the end of the day, kau sampai juga pada titik penamat.

You go according to your own pace, not your peers, jalan hidup kita tak sama, kalau rumah kita dibuat dari kaca jangan sesekali bandingkan rumah kita dengan rumah yang diperbuat oleh bata.

Bersyukur is the keyword. Percayalah bila kau sampai pada titik Qana’ah, kau akan rasa yang apa kau kejar selama ni, sebenarnya tak bawa kau kemana pun selagi dalam hati kau tak kenal rasa syukur.

And speaking of a parents doa, tak semua anak seberuntung itu, nama je ada mak ayah, tapi belum tentu keduanya ataupun satu diantara dua yang benar-benar melangitkan doa untuk anak-anaknya, maka beruntunglah kalian, yang masih ada mak-ayah, yang selalu sudi melantunkan doa tanpa kenal erti jemu.

Kerana diluar sana, masih ramai yang mencari arah tuju hidup ini, tanpa doa mak-ayah.

[thepunkmuppet]

have you thought about anyiles because I have Thought About Anyiles. strap the fuck in guys

first question. why does anya like xander?? like obviously anybody can be attracted to anybody, that makes perfect sense and is fine, but WHY does she love him and pursue a relationship with him?? she’s not actually a teenager, they have literally nothing in common! he makes it very very clear that he doesn’t understand her at all, not to mention constantly belittling and undermining her. when he tries to be “helpful” and teach her social skills and cues, he only does it because it embarrasses him, not to actually help her understand, and is just so fucking condescending and rude!!!! (can you tell that autistic/neurodivergent-coded anya in relation to the way xander treats her makes me mad??)

basically, regardless of how much I just don’t really like it, I genuinely never understood why that relationship ever even happened.

anya and giles however. it’s not necessarily my favourite ship in the fandom as it is, but the idea of what the show would have been had it been canon instead of xanya makes me love it more and more by the second.

let’s talk about canon moments. they have a connection! when they bicker, buffy compares them to her divorced parents, he calls her “dear” at one point for literally no reason, and the biggest one is of course tabula rasa. sure they pieced together the context that they ran the shop together and then just ran with it, assuming they were a couple, but tara and willow were fully attracted to each other and seemed to somehow know that they had a connection, as did xander and willow. xander and anya barely even speak to each other, while anya and giles fall into the role of a couple so easily, kissing passionately without even breaking a sweat

so just think about an alternate version of the show, where instead of liking xander for absolutely no reason, anya pursues giles.

they are both incredibly knowledgeable on demons and history, they both have crazy evil pasts, they both have dry senses of humour, they’re both way more powerful than they come across. and just the poetry of it - giles was the one to destroy her necklace and essentially curse her with humanity. him being the one to make her fall in love with humanity and want to be human again is so FUCKING BEAUTIFUL! and just the idea of exploring his trauma around jenny, unwillingness to love again, etc.

also ik it makes perfect sense for xander’s character so I don’t have beef with it from a writers perspective, but it needs to be said. GILES WOULD NEVER LEAVE HER AT THE ALTAR