#rather than a fuck-you-i-hate-you letter to my abuser... which i dont even know if i would send

[mr-ghost-face]

ok wow people care about my jamie tartt lyric symbolism in kyoto by phoebe bridgers way more than i thought so buckle up buttercups

"i dont forgive you, but please dont hold me too it"

jamie is angry at his dad, he's resentful, we know this from the scene with his mother's boots, "i actually fucking hated that", he's past the point of realisation that his dad is a prick. but he is still far from the point of being stable enough to do somehting about that. he gets sent back to man city and suddenly his father is back in his life, his father who tries to make jamie feel bad for who is is, who he is becoming, what he is doing, what he isn't doing. in the end, jamie is always the one who feels bad for trying to distance himself from his father. he really can't be held to his anger because he is always being manipulated into guilt.

we see it in the finally shot of him and his dad. his is expected to forgive and forget by others, be the bigger person, be the good son. he is pushed into this role by people like ted who don't understand the severity of his situation (even we the audience only know snippets and assumptions, verbal abuse, very likely physical abuse, sexual abuse with amsterdam). in the end, jamie doesn't want to forgive, he wants to craddle his anger and keep his safety, but he is never allowed to do this by others.

"to tell me you're getting sober and you wrote me a letter, but I don't have to read it"

i think this is part of that guilt that jamie has about trying to distance from his father, because as of the final season he is seemingly sobering up and by social standards imporving. but jamie, who grew up with this angery and drunken man, knows that everthing doesn't stop when the glasses are only filled with water. it is important to note that james tartt snr is an angry and drunk man, he is not an angry drunk, his abuse is not the direct result of his alcoholism, though that might worsen it in the moment. right now, his father is playing the role of 'superdad' in everyone else's eyes, he's trying to improve. once again jamie is left in a state of guilt and assumption that he must forgive his father. he shouldn't have to, he should be allowed to distance himself, but in a culture ruled by forgiveness he is stuck.

jamie doesn't have to read the letter, he doesn't have to pick up the payphone, he doesn't have to visit his father. but with the advice everyone has given him about forgiveness, what choice does he really have. a person who has never had stable male role models in his life will not suddenly ignore what is being said by the role models he now has.

"i'm going to kill you, if you don't beat me to it"

this is essentially jamie's inner dialouge. or rather, what he wishes he could say. he knows he wouldn't ever be able to say it so his face. he also knows that eventually his father will die, either of alcoholism or not, and either with jamie still wrapped arond his finger or free. he knows which he'd rather, but he also knows which is more likely.

this lyric also screams roy on jamie's behalf. after wembely and amsterdam, roy probably has one of the clearest understandings of what james tartt snr is like, and he also (begrudgingly) cares about jamie. roy can be an anger man, but not like jamie's dad is. roy gets mad and he wants to protect jamie, he wants to take away everthing his father had ever said to him. he wants to climb out of jamie's childhood poster and fix it all. he can't though. roy gets mad and promises violence. he promises violence in the name of protection. and jamie deserves that.

"25 felt like flying"

jamie is a young hot fit footballer, he's ontop of his game, one of the leaugues tops scorers. he is 25 and he is flying. but within the song this also means 25mph, a slow speed, felt like flying. with his father even the slow and safe suddenly feels dangerous. 25mph is dangerous. jamie's life is dangerous with his father around.

guess i lied, i'm a liar

the stress of being a victim who physically can fight back. jamie is physically stronger than his dad, escpeccialy drunk, but that doesn't matter. so sometimes jamie sees himself as a liar, letting it all happen to him. this is obviously not true, but, it's what jamie believes.

but he also knows he's a lair about forgiveness. he wants to forgive because that is what others want him to do, but deepdown its not what he wants. he just wants freedom and safety. two things his father has denied him. so yeah, jamie lies about wanting forgiveness. and he wishes someone would see through him and realise what he really needs is distance while he still has the urge to run.

thank you to @antitheticallyargumentative @jamietarttdodododododo and @fanficfanattic for hyping me up to write this because it was good to get out into the world

[frecklystars]

You know what... I think... I’m gonna.... send Nick Blaemire my thank-you letter/message in these next few days. After work today I’m off 4 days in a row!! So what better time than to just gather my courage and send it this week!!

[strrwbrrryjam]

001 zukka, if youd like.

hi! okay, first ask, thank you for asking.

when I started shipping it if I did: ...im going to be completely honest, im new to atla, but not new to tumblr. i actually had a large tumblr that i made when i was fourteen that was dedicated to hetalia. but over the years i got bored of it, so i stopped updating it, i only looked at the blogs i followed and then one day, someone reblogged some zukka fanart, and i loved it. i knew nothing of the characters, but from the looks of each of them and how it followed the classic red-blue gays and representation that i craved as a young lesbian i decided to give it a watch, still in love with a ship i knew nothing about, so imagine my whiplash that i got when they were two people who weren't even friends until the final season, but i never got discoaurged because of all the tension and the parellels and how if either of them were female-male i definitely felt that zukka would be canon and have so much more hype.

my thoughts: im not the best at describing why i love them, but ill try. i love zukka for a lot of reasons, but mostly because... for me relationships are a partnership, you both get benefits from it where you can rely on eachother, where there is a mutual understanding between each other to the point where you know exactly what your lover needs to hear... and sometimes, no matter the mood your in, they are the only ones who can truly make you happy, and thats what i get from zukka. sokka is very much the older sibling, he goes so underappreciated for so long that when piandao tells him he should be proud of who he is and what he can do... he just doesn't believe him. now, this isnt the fault of katara, aang or anyone else, maybe a little bit hakodas fault i mean he literally left a kid with such high expectations of himself to protect the village by himself with what limited training that he had. even when they listen to his ideas, some of which are very much right but have failed to no fault of sokka like walking because appa is too noticable, katara or someone else pokes fun to these ideas for failing miserable, which they may mean in jest, but can still really hurt, so he needs someone to encourage him that sure, maybe this idea has failed, but its just a learning experience. zuko... my god he has trauma. zuko was this sweet and kind and passionate kid born into an environment where he didnt belong and he was abused for everything that he was. ursa while was a safe haven didnt do enough to protect him, as she too was powerless. his sister turned from this sweet and kind sister to someone who quickly realised that being that way makes it impossible to survive so she began to tease and taunt and turn into a mirror of their abuser. while id like to think lu ten was there for the both of them, iroh and lu ten where getting ready for the siege so they were rather busy... and azulon actively wished that ozai kill him, and ozai, fucking ozai man, is there anything else left to be said? once ursa left... everything when down and he was burned and banished for his wish to protect his people. iroh... for all my love of iroh, he doesnt understand zukos intentions or actions, he thinks hes lost his way but... he doesnt see that zuko doesnt want to hunt the avatar, he doesnt want to stay at the tea shop, what he wants is to be home. hes not safe in the watertribes, not safe in the earth kingdom and while he isnt truly safe at home, its his nostalgia(?) and how everything hes used to is at home, its where his mother memory lives... its where his the remnants of his past relationship with azula and where his baby sister is... its as safe as a home they could get. he knows people doesnt like him and he while isnt okay with it, nothing matters more than getting home. which isnt a good reason for his literally capturing of a twelve year olds, fourteen year old and fifteen year olds, but... it is for him, hes sixteen, still a kid, like the one hes chasing and he doesnt realize that the home he hopes for isnt what he thinks it is, at least not anymore. that his father doesnt love him, that his sister is no longer the sweet kid that she used to be and she too was abused, that his mum is no longer around anymore and he doesnt have a happy life or a happy family. he repeatedly doesnt listen to iroh because iroh doesnt get it. iroh grew up loved and cherished and praise while zuko doesnt, he grows up hated with no chance of change, he... is very much an asshole and doesnt listen to anyone, but hes trying in season 3. and then... the boiling rock happens. my god, its... like my favourite episodes. sokka feels like he has to go alone because he felt like he failed, its his responsiblity, it was his mistake despite the fact that it wasnt, that there were many, many adults who it the fault could fall onto, and the fact that the odds were stacked against them completely, but sokka being who he is, still feels responsible, but wants to go alone. except, zuko wont let him, he understands sokka, because thats what hes felt like his whole life. hes

always felt like a failure, not being able to protect his sister, not being able to protect himself so he knows what sokka is going to do, and, forces himself onto the journey. its awkward, at first, because of course it is i mean this is the guy who was chasing you for half a year and was inadvertidely responsible to two of your closest friends deaths/near-deaths. but once they get past this awkwardness, the banter very much starts when they land. and zuko. zuko who never asked for someones opinion, looks to sokka for guidance and listens and encourages sokka. for me boiling rock is peak sokka for how well he plans. sokka is able to express himself and talk and give advice and when his plan fails, zuko is there to help him through it and see it with a different perspective, and they just... the trust, its there. its already there despite how much it shouldnt be. it just works so well and then sokka defends zuko to hakoda and finally hakoda tells him what he should of and... its up from there. they are just there for each other and its... wonderful. they are both absolutely miserable people but... they make each other happy. it happens so fastly too and its just absolutely wonderful.

What makes me happy about them: honestly, i just wrote what makes me happy about them and how much i love them in the above question.

What makes me sad about them: god. how complicated it will be in the actual universe and how they will have to spend most of their lives seperate from each other. ive mentioned before that im a romantic at heart and it hurts, because despite how realistic it will be to have them seperated for most of their early religion, i mean... zuko will have to stay in the firenation despite how much it isnt home for him anymore and sokka is able to move from the southern watertribe to the northern air temple and to the firenation... so id like to think that when izumi comes around, the soon travel together, as by the time izumi is around, things are getting settled and zuko doesnt need such a close eye on everything.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: listen... i dont have anything that really annoys me, except when they play into babified(?) versions of each other, (zuko beng too soft-boy and sokka... being to "daddy" if thats the correct word.) but what bothers me is the lack of sokka-comfort, all of them have trauma. sokka, too. i love zuko. hes... just my favourite/comfort character and someone who i relate to so much, hes just... ive never related to someone more than zuko, but zukka is a more mutual relationship than anything, and i wish we had more fics dealing with sokkas trauma too.

things I look for in fanfic:

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: okay, okay, okay, for zuko, i have many, i just think zuko and sokka both have extreme pretty boy privilege, and while zuko doesnt realize the effortless charm and how pretty he is, sokka most definitely does and uses it to his advantage. so... maiko, jinko, (platonic/relationship) zutara, jetko and sukka. listen. i love yue and sokkas relationship, but they had such a short time together that i could never really ship them. i think sokka mourns her and it is very valid for doing so but i always felt that he mourned his friend and what their relationship could of grown into. also i am a diehard yueki fan.

My happily ever after for them: that they grow hold together, and are able to see their children, (yes, i said children, as in izumi, varrick and senna with trans!zuko) grow and change the world and have their own families.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: dude. dude i dont know. i want them both to be held. i want both little spoon zukka and big spoon zukka. weighted blanket zukka. all zukka sleeping positions. i like to think that like me the both of them cannot stay still while they sleep, they wake up in each others arms but end up at the foot of the bed or something.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: god... everything, picnics, roadtrips, reading together, stargazing, sharing letters... just as long as they are their together everything is their favourite activity as they spent most of their youth and twenties and possibliy early thirties separate from each other.

[strykingback]

Ok... Gotta say my Farewell to Vol 8. So If you dont like  what Im about to say best click off now or ignore it.

Ok so you decided to click on it,  Alrighty brace yourself 

This entire Arc was just fucking horrendous. No joke, this entire arc was just garbage entirely, no joke. The way how they made Ironwood into a cartoon villain making him into some albeist joke of people who are diagnosed with ADHD, PTSD, Actual Amputees’, etc. This was meant to be A FUCKING WAR ARC!!!

Which means I expected these few things from this Arc even though I was not watching it.

- Plenty of Character Deaths ranging from Main, Secondary, and Tertiary Characters.

- Stakes at An All New High. 

- Characters being forced to make tough decisions or risks that fail or pay off.

- Uneasy Alliances being forged.

- Tensions between Team RWBY, Ironwoods Group, and Salems. 

-SALEM TEARING ATLAS AND MANTLE A NEW ONE. 

- THE VILLIANS ACTUALLY FUCKING WIN THIS VOLUME. 

Instead We Got: 

-Ruby’s Group BEING INSIDE THE FUCKING HOUSE LIKE IN VOLUME 5 BARELY DOING FUCK ALL!!!

- Ironwood being “villainized” even further instead of turning him into a morally-grey villain. 

- Team RWBY “winning” through plot armor and bad writing like the Mary Sues they are. 

- Bumbleby Ship-Baiting... AGAIN. (Seriously. . . fuck off) (No hate to anyone who ships BB but at this point it was seriously getting annoying and tiring)

- Salem Just Getting Merked... NOT ONCE FOLKS. BUT TWICE!!!

- The Hound Getting Merked.....

Seriously no joke, this was such a bullshit, deadbeat volume. No joke it makes me so frustrated to see that this entire Volume was fucked up to no end. Yangs and Rubys argument did not feel like an actual fucking argument. 

What I expect from an argument was four things.

- Calling them Out On Their Actions. 

- Person A and B Debating About their Actions/Decisions which said argument intensifies. 

- Person A or B Starts a fight after saying something that pisses one of them off

-  Fight Between A and B, Totally Optional to have a bystander such as C or D end the Fight. 

Instead we get....a simple Argument that barely intensifies and only has Yang calling Ruby out on her abilities being a leader of a team. We should have Ruby also calling out Yang for sharing the information to Robyn and her “Happy Huntresses.” Which should’ve escalated to the point where Ruby says.  “Well that Gung-Ho Attitude is what caused you to lose your Arm!!” 

or Yang saying: 

“Well If you didn’t decide to...Oh I dont know have our faces pasted on EVERY VIRTUAL BOARD IN ATLAS FOR YOUR SHIT DECISIONS!” 

Not to mention to have Blake ,Weiss, and the Rest of ORNJ just look in awe or shock.... at seeing them argue to the point where they start fighting SERIOUSLY THATS WHAT A FUCKING ARGUMENT IS MEANT TO FEEL LIKE IN A WAR ARC!!!!

Moving on from that... anyways Cinders Past was just so so so SO LAZY.....

No joke her past was so boring it was to the point where I found it just uninteresting at all. Yet that brings up a good point hat I said once and I will say again. “How Come the FNDM praises Women that get beaten and show love to them rather than Men who also get abused like Adam whose EYE WAS BRANDED and MERCURY WHOSE LEGS WERE BROKEN BY THE FEMUR NO LESS.”

No joke for her it was just... a shock collar and she was berated verbally.....You know this actually makes Ellie from Last of Us Part 2 Look Better than Cinders. (Yeah I went there!)

Like if you want to do Twisted Cinderella with some RWBY Vibes.... heres how you do it. 

- Have Cinder be in Awe at the Sight of a Huntsman or Huntress fighting which inspires her to be a Huntress when Reeves finally tells her she can be one. 

- Show that Reeves does care about her and when he falls ill and dies Cinder is berated even more by the twins and the proprietor where she was enslaved. 

- What Finally causes her to snap and kill everyone was when she finds out her “sisters” burned her Academy Approval letter on their mothers order causing her to kill and murder which she is later on arrested and then bailed out by Watts who leads her to Salem. 

Seriously DO IT FUCKING RIGHT ESPECIALLY  WHEN IT COMES TO CINDER WHOSE PAST WAS IN SHADOWS FOR 8 WHOLE FUCKING YEARS.

8 YEARS AND YOU DROP IT LIKE A RAW PIECE LAMB CHOP!!!

Finally SALEM. Oh God how did they fuck up with Salem?! I will admit there was some moments that spooked me. However it was not enough to make me feel nervous for the characters as a whole. 

Like for example I expected her to wipe the floor with Atlas’ forces and just seriously showing destruction and chaos arriving. Instead last season it looked like she was JUST APPROACHING THE CITY. 

Which would have been a “Race Against The Clock/War” Volume since Salem would have begun her destruction of Atlas and even forcing her way into Atlas.... and then suddenly Hazel performs a Heel-Face-Turn that suddenly screams BS because seriously he should’ve had some sort of a better redemption that felt built up, then she gets  BURNED THEN NUKED BY OZPINS MAGICAL CANE OF SUPERPOWERED BULLSHIT. Which Held enough magic to unleash it....which could have been used during the BATTLE OF BEACON. However, I wont complain about it why?

Cause, I think the major reason is because If he were to use it in there he would be revealing Beacon’s Relic Vault as well to Cinder which she can use to open it and take the Relic of Choice. Which I believe was a pragmatic choice because you also have to think of the people who are still trying to escape or evacuating at the moment. 

Now the ultimate disrespectful thing the CRWBY did for their “Design a Grimm” contest was the Sulfur Fish. 

THIS DESIGN WAS SICK, AND THE ABILITIES WAS JUST JAW DROPPINGLY COOL!

However what does CRWBY do instead of giving a Full Scene where we see its Forms or attacking other soldiers/people. 

It gets... *Drumroll*

A Cameo sequence...thats it. A Cameo....Wow CRWBY you are shit. Just absolutely shit at writing and even giving the winner of the Design-A-Grimm Contest Winner an actual shot...while you overwork your animators giving Anxiety Disorders or PTSD. Great Show. 

 TL;DR: RWBY Volume 8 was one of the most boring, shittiest, and a snoozefest of a volume with such bad writing that it makes even watching The Last of Us Part II look good! 

If you are planning on dropping RWBY let me offer you an Alternative. 

Say hello to Meta Runner! A series that I find to be a favorite of mine and one that is actually better than RWBY’s garbage ass bullshit writing. 

To give you a brief synopsis, This series follows Tari a girl who wakes up in Silica City without any memory of what has happened except some brief flashbacks. To which TasCorp the antagonistic corporation seeks to use her for entertainment, while there is a mystery element about a famous gamer gone missing... and its up to Tari and the help of a Resistance force to find out this mystery. 

This series is done by Glitch Studios which many do know them as...drumroll please!  *drumroll*

The Youtubers SMG4! Who is well known for doing GMOD Shitposts! 

Its actually quite relieving to see a series that these two brothers actually want to share with us! They dont want to do it for money or for anything just for the sake of a good story! 

AND THATS WHAT I LIKE!

Oh did I forget to mention that Meta Runner is backed by:  Epic Games

Crunchyroll 

AMD Lastly.... and hold onto your butts...

THE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT!!!

You know you hit it big WHEN THE GOVERNMENT BACKS YOUR SERIES!!! Come On you cant help but smile at that! So far the Third Season is being worked on at the moment but no release date at the moment so it could be sometime this year or next year. 

So if you have any plans on watching that I highly recommend giving it a watch. Anyways 

Fuck RWBY Volume 8. Fuck the Canon. Fuck Everything about RWBY!

[your-localghost]

so um who wants to read a 50 page essay of me and my mom's journey through the IT movies?

too bad you're reading it

so like i saw this goddamm clown, and i, also being a clown, said to my mom, also a clown, "lets watch this clown movie lol" and she said yes. and in the like first five minutes we are already awwing and stuff because??? omg georgie and bill are so cu- oh. oh my god. oh this us not what we thought at all-

so enter Losers. instant RELATE i am also a LOSER hellO?? hAh look at these 2 idiots theyre bickering like an old couple an- oh my fucking GOD of course there are bullies. one of them looks like draco malfoy??? guYs did draco malfoy play in this movie we see him like 2 times-

oh my god oh no poor bill he is trying to find his brother :( but alsO BEV IS SO PRETTY??? IM SO GAY???? and yeah i really feel the New Kid On The Block like same man i didnt even get to meet a pretty girl and a buncho losers who will go jump into lakes with me

OH and the lake scene? it bites me in the ass later. i fucking passed it off as a "theyre bonding" moment and then it transforms into a feelings plane and crashes into my house

--

me: they just keep leaving their bikes

mom: well It takes kids, not bikes

--

fastforward and??? the fight secene?? the fuckijgn fi Ght SCE ne??? o H M Y GO D

bill was so desperate to find georgie?? richie was so scared he would die??? beN BEING SCARED HIS FRIENDS ARE GONE?

i AM ALL OF THESE FUCKERS

and oh?? bev's dad??? hate the vibe this dude gives to me. like this dude def did more than mentally abuse her and im so glad she beat him up

uhHHH??? WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT EDDIE STANDING UP TO HIS FREAKSHOW OF A MOM??? HOW HE WAS SO MAD????? HE THREW HIS PILLS ON THE GROUND HELLO, HE STRAIGHT UP YEETED HIS FANNY PACK??? MAN the things a gay goes through for his friends

bill's speech on georgie, like, dude just fucking stab me it will hurt way less

fastforward more, the oath??? how scared stan was??? like i ddint really feel any connection with stan other than his actor played my fav character, stan, in ianowt, but uHm? i still love him??? so mUCH???

oOOOH i just realied i didnt talk about mikey

ahem

THE ROCK FIGHT THE FUKING ROCK FIGHT THE ROCK FIGHT OH MY GOD

THESE LOSERS ARE SCARED SHITLESS OF THOSE SHITBAGS BUT THEY SEE ANOTHER LOSER AND THE FIRST THING THEY DO IS THROW R O C K LIKE FUCK YEAH YOU FUCNKY LITTLE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STAND UP FOR YOUR FELLOW BULLIED I LOVE MIKEY SO M7CH OH MY GOD

__

so between the 2 movies we realized it wasnt on netflix and went on various websites to watch the 2nd movie, got progressively angrier until i got my laptop and just watched it blindly because we are both blind

--

okay heres the tea yall

they completely erased bev's character in the 2nd movie. in the first it was emphesized SO MUCH just how brave she was compared to the others. she took the first step, she wasnt afraid to go into the house she fought her abusive dad and in the 2nd movie it was all gone. i really liked the fact that bev wqsnt a damsel in distress until in the 2nd movie she was. while in the 1st movue you forgot that gender roles existed in the 2nd it really seemed like they wrote bev as a "woman" rather than "bev" you dig me??? okay rant over. basically fuck the 2nd movie bev and im not just saying this because her 1st movie actor made me realize i was a lesbian. on to the movie

oh mY GOD HOMOSEXUALS??? WILL THEY HAVE A PART IN THIS STORY OH MY IM SO EX- oh. right. oh hey theres mikey :D

___

me: who's this??

mom: its bill look, its his surname

me:

me: you remember bill's surname but not richie or ben's names?

---

oh theyre all grown up!! oh bevs fighting an abusive man again and uh

___

mom: i have a feeling stans gonna kill himself

me: hah can you imagi

---

STANLEY??? BABEY BOY OH NO???? and also are we gonna let the spider with the baby head thing pass?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DONT REMEMBER ANYTHI-

"this is like a virus its been eating us for 27 years!" YEA MIKEY ITS CALLED PTSD YOU FOUGHT A FUCKING DEMON AND DIDNT SEE A THERAPIST????

also the whole tribe thing seemed really out of story and like it didnt belong there at all? idk maybe its just me but i dont wanna believe that bill's 3rd eye opened after he got drugged by his friend idk

so like hightlights because ive got many rants about the 2nd movie

what the fuck do you mean bev got out of jer specilized hell after ben recited 1 fucking poem are you kidding me are yOU FUCKING KIDDING ARE WE REALLY DOING THE SAVED BY LOVE BULLSHIT AGAIN OH OKAY

OH OKAY FUCK YOU

SO BEV GETS SAVED IN THE FIRST MOVIE AFTER BEN KISSES HER WHEN AT THE TIME HE PRIBABLY THOUGHT LOVE WAS AT ITS PEAK WHEN YOU GAVE YOUR 2ND GRADE CRUSH A BADLY WRITTEN POEM

AND UFKCING HELL IT HAPPENS IN THE 2ND MOVIE TOO??? DOES PENNYWISE JUST THINK "oh these bitches hetero bettet keep them alive" BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS WOULD ALL BE OKAY IF

IF

IF EDDIE LIVED TOO

FUCK I RELATE TO RICHIE SO MUCH??? HIS FIGHT WITH HIS PEERS AND HIS FIGHT WITH HIMSELF OVER HIS YEARS LASTING CRUSH ON EDDIE?? OH MY GOD IT WAS SO OBVIOUS THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS GAY AND I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL THE 2ND MOVIE WHEN HE HAS A BREAKDOWN BECAHSE HIS SOULMATE GETS STABBED BY HOMOPHOBIC FORTNITE DANCING CLOWN WHILR HE TRIES TO SAVE HIMA DN THEN FUCKIN G DIES EVEN THOUGHT THESE 2 IDIOTS HAD MORE CHEMISTRY THAN BILL+BEV AND BEN+BEV COMBINED OH MY GOD IM SO MAD THE HETEROS GET TO LIVE BY TRUE LOVE BUT THE GAYS DONT AND UG G H H G G HH "hes dead" NO HE FUCKING IS NOT THIS ISNT FAIR I LOVED EDDIE SO MUCH

well uh now that we got my love for richie on papet um

the lake scene

i cried and i had to watch heteros kiss underwater while wiping my tears. its only cool when percabeth does it guys

the lake scene aside i full on BAWLED LIKE A BABY at the ending because i felt so bad that stan died already and i felt bad that not only was richie facing years if bullying and homophobia anf the loss of his friends it finally is confirmed that richie had a crush on eddie and i

i just cried man? it hurt me so much as it weighed on me how many jokes richie made, how scared he was when he saw the missing paper of himself, his flashbacks to people calling him names, his speech to eddie and that he had to get dragged out because this fucker obviously couldnt let go of his feelings. and between all of that and stan's letter my brain blocks out everything and focuses on one

R + E

oh my god

OH MY GOD NO

NOW i dont really like watching movies. as a writer myself im really critical of everything involving the world building, the characters, the plot and all that jazz and usually the acting is so bad that i dont feel for the characters but THIS ONE. T H I S O N E

my mom turned to me and was SO SHOCKED to see my flat out CRYING because i just dont do that man, and she just asked my what made me cry and i just made a noise like "hhhnnnn" and she nodded and went "richie's love story" and i, still crying, went "hhhnnnn" but in a higher pitch

and im just so mad? that eddie didnt get to live?? we didnt get an "i love you" or even a "im gay" from richie??? we didnt get to see them holding hands and letting go of their trauma together and being gay and happy yet

yet the fucking bad-writer-white-boy and boo-hoo-i-had-no-friends and not-bev get happy endings??? mike can get a happy ending because he is a well thought out character

thESE 3 ON THE OTHER HAND OH MY GOD

bill had to change his endings which really makes me angry because ima writer yada yada

bill has been bullied his uh what whole life? he got told his opinion didnt matter and from what i remember even his parents shut down his ideas and i feel like he should have made the endings how he wanted instead of changing to what the public wanted. thats what he defended as a kid, thats why he was in the losers club unwilling to change, because they were losers. yet he changed.

ben should have stayed fat or at least have abnornal weight because that also defeats his story with bev. it makes it seem that suddenly and magically when ben is hot bev can BEGIN to consider that she loves him.

i already ranted about bev.

mike is decent i guess? i like that he didnt stay with whoever the fuck that was in the first movie because he seemed very aggreasive to me. im glad the chose to research into pennywise because others were too stupid not to (RICH AND EDDIE GET A PASS AGAIN BECAUSE THEY SHARE HALF A BRAINCELL AND I LOVE THEM)

well stan is just tragic

___

me: who the fuck is afraid of spiders why do they keep showing up

mom: its stan?

mom: he brought the hair things and all

me, about to cry: oh m y god

---

so TL;DR: we really liked the first film! the acting, the plot, the creepiness is overall better and you get to relate to a bunch of Losers who get abused by their parents

the 2nd film doesnt exist. i refuse to acknowledge it exist EXCEPT for the ending where stan writes a letter about how he would like to meet hks friends again while BREATHING and richie and eddie carve their initials on a piece of wood and get to be gay.

if your name starts with B your opinion is invalid in the 2nd movie

also can anybody give me fanfics where the fortnite dancing clown doesnt exist and richie goes to therapy to heal from the bullying and once he gets over his homophobia he gays with eddie??? specific i know but im willing to write it if it doesnt exist

[drake-the-incubus]

1-50. Your turn >:3

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

I hope so! Hey @hero-of-bowerstone do you love me?

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I’m turning 22 and have done nothing with my life. It depends. I don’t really know many 18 year olds.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

Re-reading my favourite book series a couple of days ago. Menoetius please love yourself more my baby, my child. Also writing my last fic is probably sooner. Cause Xiphrus needs love.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Uh… how the fuck do people smile?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Uh yeah. He’s blocked and hopefully will leave me the fuck alone.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

Uh not really. I have tailored playlists.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A t-shirt, shorts and underwear? I need to change actually but that requires a shower and I’m too lazy to get that ready :/

8. How often do you listen to music?

24/7. Unless I’m watching a video/video calling, I’m constantly listening to music. When I say I’ve listened to a song for a week straight, it’s likely the song has been looped… for a week straight.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Sweats, jeans fucking suck and cause issues I’d rather not deal with.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?

I mean the year already passed but back then I was going into 7th I think? If you mean the turn of this year, yeah I fucking do look at the world.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Anti-Social. I don’t like spending time with people too much and need a lot of alone time. That being said I crave attention from friends.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

I don’t know? I’ve kissed a lot of people I have forgotten bc of truth or dare. Not that I recall.

13. What about ‘R’?

See the same as above.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

No, and legally if I drive I’m going to be arrested as my learners expires soon and I a) have no glasses, b) can’t concentrate on the road to pass a driver’s test. Also why the fuck do people drive those, it’s… so unreliable.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

If they’re not telling me to my face, yeah. If you have a problem with me, bring it up to me. I don’t like people talking behind my back. That being said, nah. Talk shit about me to my face all you want I don’t give a shit.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

I’m spending the next month in another province so the answer is, already out of town. I’ll be going out of this town quite often.

17. When was the last time you cried?

A few days ago I cried over Menoetius losing his fucking shit at love and then again when Joxeia was struggling.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

Plenty of times. Then it got thrown back into my face almost the same amount.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Yes and no. If I could have full heterochromia with a blood red eye I’ll fucking take it. That shit’s cool and I still love it. Otherwise only to make my own centerlized-heterochromia more distinct. (Blue/Green Split)

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

My boyfriend? IG. I mean fictionally a lot of boys. IRL I don’t think I could do everything for anyone. Not my style.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

I’m hungry and I can’t finish the series I’ve been waiting on bc scanlators dont have the final two chapters.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

No. Ew. It reminds me of what parents are supposed to do. Otherwise why’re you checking my fever? What’s the point?

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Uh depends on what that’s defined as. I talked out loud, verbally to my boyfriend so yeah. Otherwise, no.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

A very uncomfortable arm chair/lazy boy type thing.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

My boyfriend. My friends. Also bold of you to assume my family tells me they love me.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, I want a lot of people. Fictional characters are nice, man. Otherwise kinda. On and off.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

Staff on a server.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Yes! It fucking sucks because I sound like I’m dying MORE now.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

RTX 2018 when I went down there. Wish I could go again.

30. Does anyone hate you?

I would think, someone does, I'm not the most likeable person in the universe. I secretly think everyone does.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

I should fucking hope not. If there is my boyfriend is going to have to answer some questions.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

That’s my favourite movie genre.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

Ew no. Someone else does and I hate them for it. No that shit is… no. Good on other people but I know ppl who have had it and no.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Um… 2016 bc that ruined my life :)

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Fuck if I know. I woke up hungry and focused on that.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Yesterday. My boyfriend.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I don’t know if I even want to be married, but given what’s going on if I’m not then my bf might cry? So I think yes if we get the finances.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Uh… my boyfriend. But otherwise? Yeah. I’m fairly aware a lot of people develop feelings for me. It kinda weirds me out bc 90% of the time it’s never romantic.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Uh. Statistically speaking someone probably is.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Nope. I don’t really think it was a net good or bad day.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Yeah. We’re two years in September.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

I currently share a house with my sister in law. We just had a conversation when I reached this question actually.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes and that brings up bad memories.

44. What’s the best part about school?

I got away from my abusive parents. Got to write in class. Met some friends. Uh. Learned about many things, people who’re 13 and spent five minutes learning about, argue with me on them. I learned how to write and use none of that knowledge now.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I wish I didn’t, but yeah because I had to upload things for my parents. Including images of before I was out as trans.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Yup. Pretty common past time.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Obsessively. So much so I’ve caused issues. So now I keep fictional worlds going as a coping mechanism.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Nope. Won’t be this one either,

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

Hahaha. Fuck no and im glad for it. Not with my parents, not struggling with other issues, not with my ex. Shit’s baller.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Probably writing a fanfic or planning a book. Cleaning. Could use a shower. Will I do any of these? Probably not, my boyfriend jacked my PC.

[kennothythebard]

Things I’ve learned about writing DEH characters

THIS IS NOT A GUIDE BY ANY MEANS THIS IS JUST SOME OBSERVATIONS AND THINGS I DO.

So while researching for and writing “A Worthy Explanation” (pls read i crave validation) I’ve noticed a lot of little things that I don’t always see mentioned in writing guides for these characters so I thought I’d point some of these out. Idk how love this is going to be so I’ll prolly put a cut here.

General

I like to create kind of a “loneliness chart” and graph the kids on it (looks kinda like those political alignment things). On one axis theres introverted vs. extroverted, and on the other theres like polite vs. rude I guess? But in summary: Evan is introverted polite, Jared is extroverted rude, Alana is extroverted polite, Connor is introverted rude, and Zoe... is just kinda generally lonely. Where she falls really depends on what’s going on with her (but she typically is a less extreme introverted rude than Connor).

Obviously each character has their own faults, but I often see these faults viewed quite selectively, see “cinnamon roll evan” and “fucking larry” for two very different examples of this phenomenon. Evan is not perfect and always trying to be nice, and Larry is not a super abusive parent who deserves no happiness in this life. They’re both complex and it’s hard to let go of our misconceptions to write truer to the characters (e.g. I really, Really don’t like Larry. I see him as a lousy father who just kind of chose to be “the strict one” but does nothing but criticize and dole out punishment, ignoring his kids any other time), but that’s an important part of deh, is that people aren’t always what we perceive them to be.

Evan

Evan is often viewed as like a cinnamon roll, but in act 2 especially Evan gets mean. Like, he’s dismissive and rude and angry and just a jerk. Evan can be just as bad if not worse than some of the “angrier” characters

Ppl often talk about his lying as his biggest character flaw, but I’d argue that most of the lying we see in the show just stems from the one lie which he was kinda forced to make bc he was in a bad place (i mean, thats pretty much the entire point of awe).

The character flaw that I don’t see discussed enough is that he’s ashamed of his mental illness. He’d rather pretend it’s not there, even when it impacts every part of his life. He doesn’t do the letters the way his therapist assigned them, he’s apprehensive towards medication and stops taking it, and basically feeds into his self-destructive tendencies, arguing his mother sees his as “broke” or something to be fixed.

Jared

I love writing Jared

There’s already a lot about what a complex character he is and stage directions, but one thing that most people notice is his actions frequently contradict his words. Take the sincerely me reprise at the start of act 2. Why would he try to insert himself into the narrative at this point? What good would that do at this point? When evan dismisses him he gets annoyed and defensive. He says that he can’t do anything until Monday because he’s hanging with his camp friends (whom he claims are his “real friends,” a term he will later ascribe to himself regarding Evan in Good For You), and when Evan dismisses him again he tries to offer to help with the kickstarter, but is quickly shot down once more by Evan. Despite what seems to be a natural ending place in the conversation, he insists on continuing to talk with Evan, and when Evan cuts him off again he becomes rude and slightly threatening. This happens over the course of maybe three minutes and it’s one of the most insightful scenes to jared’s character

When writing a canon-compliant Jared, his actions and thoughts should conflict with his words. He cares about Evan but he’d never say that out loud (in more canon-compliant fics), and it hurts when he’s pushed away, which he responds to with anger.

Zoe

Zoe is one of the most difficult characters to write, imo.

She’s often portrayed in a slightly sweeter, saccharine way in fanon as just like a fun, silly girl who is just a tad sarcastic, but really you can tell that she’s Connor’s brother. She’s angry, blunt, unafraid of speaking her mind, etc. Yes, she is funny and kinda sarcastic, but her sarcasm isn’t always of the funny variety. She’s obviously angry at her parents, but this often comes across as a “doesn’t love them” variety of anger when her real feelings seem to be much more complex. 

Basically, I’m still learning a lot about writing her but I think just like the other kids she’s a little lonely, so Evan comes along and he’s there and that’s enough for her. She has such a wide range of emotions that I don’t feel are always accurately represented, even by me. (especially by me)

Alana

Hella, hella lonely. Covers it up by talking to people and doing extracurriculars. Sure, “college apps” is her excuse for why she does so much, but it’s not the real reason. If she keeps busy, she doesn’t have to be alone with her thoughts. But at the same time she has similar fears to Evan about people seeing the worst of her. “Close acquaintances” seems to be a statement about how little she makes friends, but I also see it as a defense mechanism. If she remains “close acquaintances” with people, she’ll never have to be their friend and they’ll never have to see the worst of her.

She’s cheerful and annoying, but in the way that pisses high schoolers off. Like, we all knew that one kid who was just way way too nice, and most of us were like “yeah ok they’re pretty cool i guess” but like some people just hated their positivity. It also doesn’t help that she tries to insert herself in situations she hasn’t been invited in, and does some questionable things to help her accomplish her goals. (Evan/Alana contrast: Evan does questionable things to accomplish internal goals, Alana does them to accomplish external goals)

Gets easily distracted. Forgets to sign Evan’s cast in scene 1. Her mind has a million different thoughts at any given moment. It wouldn’t be out of line to headcanon ADHD Alana (some of the things she does reminds me of the things I do when I forget my meds).

Connor

?????

We don’t see a lot to really get a huge insight into his personality. We know he was angry and had some serious mental illness.

We also know that he could recognize when he went too far and would go out of his way to make amends. (Why was he in the computer lab? Why did he sign Evan’s cast?) He may recognize a kindred spirit in Evan.

Clearly he doesnt hate his family (he goes to school despite not wanting to go, and seeing Zoe’s name is what sets him off showing possible concern), and it would not surprise me to learn that he thought his family would be better and happier without him. He clearly has intense emotions and reactions even to things that might seem minuscule or inconsequential. When writing him in canon, I think of a rubber band stretched too tight, and any characters action could loosen or tighten the pulling.

Heidi

Such an emotional character, I nearly break my own heart when I’m trying to writer her.

Theres two odd kind of paradoxes in a parent-child relationship like that between Heidi and Evan. For Heidi, the paradox is that the more she wants to do for Evan, the less she can actually be there for him. For Evan, he wants his mother to succeed and loves her so much that he might even encourage her to not worry about him or spend time with him, but then resents that she’s never there. Or at least when he meets a mother who can provide and be there.

Heidi pretty much worries herself sick over Evan. Evan comes before everything else in her life, and so it’s easy for her to feel like she failed him, which is a huge reason for her intense reaction in Good for you: evan has just confirmed her fears that she’s failed him.

Heidi tries so hard, but she isn’t perfect. She’s clearly very sensitive about money or about Evan’s father, and this sensitivity can easily change to anger or passive-aggressiveness. She has deep insecurities that we may never see or fully comprehend.

Cynthia

Mom. like shes completely a mom. like, “can i speak to your manager?” type mom.

Loves her kids and tries to be supportive but struggles communicating with two very headstrong, sarcastic kids

she probably wouldn’t say this, but takes connor’s death very personally. wonders why he would do this to her 

Is desperate for her children to listen and understand her. Which Evan is more than willing to do.

A little bit selfish? Like, thinks about what will make her better rather than accepting everybody grieves differently

Larry

Fucking larry. I don’t like him and he’s the hardest character for me to write.

Ok since I made such a big deal about it in the intro i’ll try to be nicer than id normally be

A masculine archetype. Sports dad, wants sports son, which Connor isn’t

He’s got some really ableist/misogynistic tendencies that causes the intense demonization of him in the fanon but I mean... he could be worse i guess? (that’s literally the best i can say about that so yeah i dont like him at all)

Really just oblivious. Completely ignored Connor’s need for help, does not know how to read a room, you could say he frequently has a foot in his mouth if it weren’t so intentional.

I mean...probably a good guy if you can get past all that stuff? just really, really self absorbed.

yikes that was long. Again, not really a guide, just some things I think about when writing these characters. if you read this far at all thank you for indulging me this much.

[fifty-shades-of-succ]

Questions 1-104

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? “…..FUCK”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? Nothing, never been kissed

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? Yes

4. Is your last name longer than six letters? No

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Never been kissed and never been drunk

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? YEA

7. What does your last received text say? What classes u got?

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Never been kissed

9. Where was your last kiss at? ^^

10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Don’t have one

11. What do you drink in the morning? A chocolate up and go

12. Where did you sleep last night? In my bed

13. Do you think relationships are hard? Fuckin oath

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? In the last 6-7 months maybe

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? It’d be an empty room so nah no worries

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Rainy I reckon

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? No

18. Are you wearing jeans, sweatpants, or pajama pants? A dress

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? I think so

20. Does anyone like you? Yea

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? Nope

22. Is the last person you kissed gay? Nope

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Yea

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Not really

25. In the past week have you cried? I don’t go 48 hours without crying yo

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? I think a maltese…

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Nah

29. Do you think you’re old? No

30. Do you like text messaging? Yea its my life

31. What type of day are you having? A long and shitty and lonely one

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? No

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Colder

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yea

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Relationship I think

36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated, everyone’s complicated in their own way

37. What song are you listening to? Shelter - Porter Robinson and Madeon (I cannot stop listening to this)

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Yes, I mean it more than anything

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? No. No girls know even half about me.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now? I don’t even know.

41. When did you last receive a text message? 5 mins ago

42. What is wrong with you right now? Fuckin everything

43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Very well

44. Does anyone disgust you? Yea

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Hmmm idk….

46. Are you in a good mood right now? I’m in an alright mood

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? Luke

48. What color shirt are you wearing? A dress, and white and blue

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? Yea.

50. Anyone you’re giving up on? I can’t really give up on people

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Not really, hard to hate someone like that

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? Yea lol

53. Do you like rain? Yea

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Um idk if they're legal then I dont care. Unless theyre abusive or reckless.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Um….no I generally have told everyone I’ve had crushes on, even if its been years after I had said crush.

56. Do you like to cuddle? YE

57. Are you shy? Idk a little bit

58. Do you get along with girls? Sometimes

59. Have you dated the person you texted last? Nah

60. What do you carry with you at all times? My phone, headphones, and a nail file

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? YES, either ay I die from ghosts or I walk out with money so its a win win

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? yea

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Ye

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? HELL YEA

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? Yeeeeeee

66. How old are the last three people you kissed? Never been kissed yaaayyy

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do them myself, they don’t last long anyway so why pay money

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra maybe…

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? No  

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Who?  

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone ^_^  

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? Um….September 17th when I stayed at my friends house. Yeah I don’t get pizza that often I don't like it

73. Do you like diet soda? Not a fan of soda anyway  

74. What color are the walls in your room? Grey and light grey  

75. Are you 16 or older? Yeah bro  

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No  

77. Do you have a job? No  

78. What are your initials? EAM  

79. Did you ever have braces? Yeah and boy I am so thankful for it  

80. Are you from the south? I guess  

81. What does your last status on facebook say? Don’t have facebook!  

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? Never been kissed

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? Mum I guess  

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? Gymnastics, yes, but I’d love to have been a cheerleader  

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? God…..uhhhhhhhhh….oh yea I remember. Ice Age FUCKIN 5.  

86. Do you smoke? No  

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heels boi  

88. Is your phone touch screen? Yes  

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? Straight  

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No  

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? Pool  

92. Have you ever made out in a car? Unfortunately not  

93. …Had sex in a car? God no  

94. Are you single or in a relationship? Relationship  

95. What were you doing last night at midnight? Sleeping and dreaming  

96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? On people’s snapchat stories for new years  

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? Its better than my last phone  

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nah  

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? No  

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? Ddont have fb   

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Yeah I didn’t get my period for like 3-4 months even tho I’ve never so much as kissed a boy. It was a terrifying few months

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: TiK ToK  

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? Fake tans lines too many, but I have a triangle on my chest  

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? What kind of fASHION SIN    

Thanks for the ask!!! :D

[isaacathom]

theres not a whole lot to the cop to develop, i guess. she’s a cop. she has a wife and probably a kid. which of them had the kid? dude. idk. shes like..... 30? so shes the oldest person there, yea, but thats not meaning a lot when its just a bunch of 25 year old criminals. seniority in age isnt exactly the issue here.

at my best guess, part of what inspired her to be a cop would stem from her being an elf. while the north are rather friendly towards elves, particularly in comparison to the south, its impossible for there no hostility, no stereotyping. as an elf who only speaks basic elven, she’s got a disconnect between her culture and that of her environment. as an elf, she’s a poor one. as an elf, she’s isolated in a predominantly human city. its a sort of lose lose.

so you get treated like shit a lot. and you grow to idolise those who have power. in part, that explains her loyalty to the royals, despite the kings utter fucking incompetence. she’s not blindly loyal, which is why she usually talks to Crown if she must talk to one of them, but she’s got that streak. and the guard, obviously, and all the associated groups. it makes sense to want to be in that untouchable position, where noone can hurt you, when you’re being hurt.

so she becomes a cop, because royalty isnt gonna happen. it takes time. it takes years. she falls in love with and marries in the time between starting training and being formally inducted into the guard. she feels absolutely unstoppable now. that she’s going to protect those who are wronged.

then, yknow... the law? and the letter of it? oof, baby, honey, no. she comes to see how those in power can abuse it, with her rose tinted glasses removed. she sees how its the letter and not the spirit that is enforced. how those that are hurt can be kept hurt. and it fucks her up. and theres the fact that now she’s a cop, and actively trying to curb the power of the major criminal players, that they have their eyes on her. that there is likely an incident where her wife could have died. maybe their first child even dies, i dont know. and it sucks! it absolutely sucks! that she has to both arrest people who she knows are good, and good people, and that she has to watch those she loves most be hurt because of her choice of profession. it sucks!!!! she and her wife have to live separately, and it sucks!!! she likely has to arrest someone she knows after they get attacked and fight back, and it sucks!!!

she’s probably a little disillusioned with the whole thing. the guard aren’t untouchable, aren’t infallible, and are often wrong. it sucks

the criminals fighting crime initiative wasn’t her idea. it was Crown’s idea. but the cop is a champion for it. she firmly believes that it could be a way to save some of the people who were imprisoned unjustly, but who the law couldnt save. she volunteers - volunteers - to be in charge of the first batch. but she’s not in charge of the full op, is she? so of course its someone above her picking the participants.

she’s a little miffed about the selection. Koci she’s glad is getting a chance to reduce her sentence, since Koci is one of the cases the cop has been fighting hardest for. since, well... its not exactly subtle the signs that koci was badly injured before joining the pact. its obvious that she was almost killed (or actually killed, they dont knw) before she lashed out and killed hundreds. she was possessed, it wasnt her. but she did the crime. she does the time. and the cop hates it.

Rien is a mixed bag. the cop has met them before, and they seemed a good person. they were suspicious off the bat for being a westerner, and due to the existing migrated western gang, but they were nice, and Amali trusted them, so they seemed good. they were well liked among the farmers and the market. but then, yknow, they come in confessing to being a bandit who had robbed dozens and carted goods illegally across the southern border and who had also gotten Amali killed in a bandit attack. ok. we’ve got issues. are they a good person, or a bad person? do they deserve a chance to redeem themself? the cop sort of manages by justifying it as Rien proving that they aren’t a liar, and that they meant what they said. which would prove them as a mostly - mostly - good person, in the end, right????? sure.

Warzens a flat ‘fuck no’ from the cop. Warzen is an unapologetic necromancer. unapologetic. unabashed. mans a proud fucking necromancer. he’s weird. he’s an asshole, he’s a criminal with no remorse. the only thing tha seems to go in his favour, aside from his skillset being potentially useful in the field, is that he seemed genuinely distressed when they destroyed his workshop home when hey arrested him. like... that was some from the soul pain. not the pain of someone mildly inconvenienced. he lost something in that fire, and it... it tugs at the strings, a little. a little. he’s still kind of an asshole, and the cop is POSITIVE he doesnt fuckin deserve the chance. but fine. fuck it. he’ll be under lock and key the entire fucking time, planar magically speaking. it should be fine.

Saval is...... a very mixed bag. they have the same issue as Warzen - an unabashed and unashamed criminal. A shit one, sure, considering she knocked herself out trying to rob a place, but a criminal nevertheless. she regrets none of it, beyond the consequences it held. That would place her in the Warzen camp. But. But but but. her information has resulted in the arrests of dozens of criminals. her in conjunction with a few of them captured have basically destroyed most of the western gang. she has been valuable. so her position on the crim gang is basically a sort of thanks, since the law provides no other way to reduce her sentence, really. but that doesn’t mean the cop likes it. does saval genuinely deserve the chance to get out of jail earlier, considering she’ll likely go right back to crime when she’s free? the cop doesn’t know. how far can kindness extend?

but the cop championed the initiative. she has to stick by it, regardless of her distaste for the group that was picked. on the inside, she knows its a form of sabotage. she knows that there are higher ups who dont want the initiative to work and are going to scapegoat the fuck out of her when it fails due to their shit selection of people. but she’s gonna fight tooth and nail to make it successful, god fucking dammit. 

she’s basically trying her damn hardest to keep the entire group from falling apart. its the only reason she breaks up arguments - not because she really, personally cares too much, but because the less fighting, the better. like when koci starts angrily ranting at Rien for no other reason than that Rien seems like an easy target, the cop doesn’t.... personally care? but knows that breaking it up early is better than potentially making Rien angry, and having Rien sabotage the whole thing. especially since Rien seems to be on board with the whole thing.

its a bit higher stakes when it comes to warzen and saval due to their uhhhh unreliability, we’ll say. HARD fuck no. the less those two get pissed off, the better. its a cfucking relief to the cop when warzen/rien and saval/koci become friends. because now theres a sort of ‘back up’. theres a fall back. they can be caught before exiting. the concern is that warzen might drag rien outwards rather than rien dragging him inwards, buuuut she’ll cross that bridge when it comes up.

tl;dr the cop wanted to be untouchable and protect people, kind of got neither by becoming a cop and essentially the king’s fucking lackey, and is reaaaaalllllllyyy fucking hoping that this criminals-fighting-crime thing works out and she is completely fucked. both in terms of having a job (and potentially being alive, depending on outcome) and in terms of like. mentality. :)

[rustyfilingcabinet]

Doin a survey to pass the time until I can go make pancakes. Ya gal has no life whatsoever.

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

-Well I wouldn’t be complaining.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

-WHO THE ACTUAL FUCK EVEN KNOWS. Suppose time well tell.

3. If your significant other was into drugs, would you care?

-Oh lawd. I’m happy for us to smoke together. I’d even be alright if they tried trippies for a spiritual thing, if it was controlled and what not. But I wouldn’t be okay with drug abuse otherwise. Addiction takes over literally everything and you end up being in a relationship with the addiction, not the person.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

-Nope.

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

-Stoned.

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

-Yesssss.

7. What does your last received text say?

-”Better than bored and poorly!x”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

-I don’t fucking count.

9. Where was your last kiss at?

-In the car.

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

-I saw one on saturday. Before that I’m not sure.

11. What do you drink in the morning?

-Coffee. 

12. Where did you sleep last night?

-In my bed.

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

-Only if you make them hard.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

-Hmm... I’m not sure ya know. Probably not.

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

-Nope.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

-Sunny please.

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? 

-Yus.

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

-Sweatpants.

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

-I have no clue. Kinda hope so.

20. Does anyone like you?

-Apparently.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

-S....hmm... I don’t think so?

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

-Not entirely.

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

-Ohhh a couple.

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

-I have 4. I spend 90% of my time thinking about getting more tbh

25. In the past week have you cried?

-I HAVE NOT CRIED IN THE LAST WEEK I AM DOING GOOD I AM PROUD OF ME

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

-Staffie

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

-Out the shower. Of course. What kind of a demon are you?

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

-I’ve kissed a person that played football for fun occasionally?

29. Do you think you’re old?

-Nope.

30. Do you like text messaging?

-Yeah. Kinda. I’ll groan if you text me, I’ll groan if you dont. 

31. What type of day are you having?

-I have achieved literally nothing so its going really well.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

-Yeah but I have a massive nose so decided against it.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

-Cold tbh.

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

-Lots of people.

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

-I’d take either if it were coming from him tbh haha. I’d like a relationship. I’d like to start to settle tbh.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

-Oh both.  My dreams, my intentions etc are all very simple. But i’ve had quite a complex life, and i think deeply about everything. 

37. What song are you listening to?

-I’m not.

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

-Of course.

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

-Kirbie knows a fair bit, but no one knows everything.

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

-Oh i really really don’t know. I thought he was a right arsehole when i first met him.

41. When did you last receive a text message?

-Last night (i use messenger more)

42. What is wrong with you right now?

-I’m a bit bored and i need a wee but otherwise I’m alright

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

-She’s my niece so pretty well.

44. Does anyone disgust you?

-Not really. 

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

-A particular person yeah, not just anyone haha.

46. Are you in a good mood right now?

-I’m pretty mellow tbf.

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

-My dad haha.

48. What color shirt are you wearing?

-Ooh it’s a horrible browny blacky grey 

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

-Nope. Well sort of a little bit. It’s confusing. 

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

-Not yet haha. Give it a couple more weeks and i’ll be so unbelievably over it 

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

-Nahhh

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

-YES 

53. Do you like rain?

-Love it

54. Do you care if your significant other drinks?

-Nope. I’d rather they werent an alcoholic like.

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

-YES

56. Do you like to cuddle?

-Yes, for like 5 minutes then i get uncomfortable or too warm. Or it turns to sex.

57. Are you shy?

-Sort of but not. 

58. Do you get along with girls?

-I get along with most people tbf.

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

-Ugh.

60. What do you carry with you at all times?

-A phone.

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

-Yep.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

-I lasted in a really bad one for 4.5 years so i reckon so

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

-I was not.

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

-Yep.

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

-Yep.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

-Old.   Bored now.

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?

Do them myself.

     68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

-Neither.

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

I do. A flag.

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

Who?  I AM OVER THIS SURVEY

71. Blackberry, Android, or iPhone?    

-Android. Do blackberries even still exist?

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

-I’ve been once in my entire life about 3 years ago.

73. Do you like diet soda?    

-No.

74. What color are the walls in your room?    

Red, cream and black.

75. Are you 16 or older?   

-I’m 23.

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

-No.

77. Do you have a job?    

-Yes, kinda.

  78. What are your initials?    

-GVS

79. Did you ever have braces?  

-No

   80. Are you from the south?    

-No

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

-It’s probably a picture who knows.

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

-You’re fucking obsessed with kissing arent you. No I dont.

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

-Mum

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

-HA No 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

-Errrrrrrrrm.....   oooh Assassins Creed

86. Do you smoke?    

-Yes

87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

-Neither plz.

88. Is your phone touch screen?    

-Yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? 

-....neither tnh   

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?     -Never needed to

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?  

-River. 

   92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

-Yep.

93. …Had sex in a car?    

-Yep.

94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

-Single

95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

-THIS SURVEY IS TEDIOUS BUT IVE PUT TOO MUCH TIME IN TO IT TO QUIT NOW.   I was drinking vodka and eating something but i cant remember what. 96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

-NYE

97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

-Nope

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

-FFS yes.

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

-Once.

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

-Nope.

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

-Ugh yes.

102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

-That one where she’s silent for the rest of eternity.

103. Do you have any tan lines right now?     -I do and i dunno how.

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?  

-Nope. 

FINALLY ITS DONE