#real life mental disorders aren’t ““cute””

[techyghoul]

Cold Compress

General Rating, Sickficlet of Mist caring for Zephyr.

I don't make specific mentions to disorders or medications, its all general. Warnings for mentions of quintosis control, as well as central lines (Zephyr has one).

You can find it here on AO3, or bellow the cut! This is apart of @jesusbutbetterrr idea for Ghoullete Appreciation!

The transition from one medicine regiment to another is always horrid. The changes it’s made to the body undoing themselves in real time feels like progress being stripped away. But it was what was best, Zephyr has built up too much of a tolerance for the pain management he was on, and it ran risks that weren’t worth it. He’s been in bed for days, only really moving to sit up to eat and to go to the bathroom with assistance of another pack member.

Staring at the same ceiling and walls tends to blur the line of how time passes, his only real tip being the clock on the wall and the light peaking out from the edges of black out curtains. Omega and Alpha have tried multiple times to offer a shutter that would black it out entirely, Zephyr always refused.

The first thing that pulls him out of his own haze is Mist’s cool touch to his forearm. “How you holding up Zephy?” Their voice always calm and collected. “You want me to grab you anything?” Zephyr shakes his head. “Want some company then?” Mist gets a nod.

From experience, they know most of the pain is concentrated in his back, shoulders and legs. So they crawl in behind him, smaller body pressed up as close as they can manage and it’s a relief to his body. Mist had the tendency to run colder than the other water ghouls, their body actively acting like a giant cold compress at this moment. “Thanks.” He mumbles, getting himself comfortable in Mist’s arms.

“Of course.” They smile, pressing a small kiss where hair meets the nape of his neck. “I’ll always be here for when you need me.”

Mist can feel the way the air ghouls muscles relax and give under their touch, one hand on his shoulder that’s been bothering him for days on end, trying to urge the muscles to unclench there. “Omega been by?” Quintessence control wasn’t always ideal for him, found it too mentally draining being on the receiving end, and with only three quintessence ghouls in the pack it wasn’t a feasible treatment.

“He comes by at night, usually just to get me to sleep. Phantom’s been by to help.” Zephyr smiles. “Kids cute. Afraid they’re gonna break me.”

Mist chuckles in return, settling more at his side with their arm around his middle. “They’re learning, the humans aren’t always so eager to be a teaching case. Little Quint will get better at it with time. Hells, remember Aether’s first go at it? Shaking in his boots the first time you were in a flare.”

Zephyr does remember, the first time he used his powers on him, the first time he ran fluids through his central line to learn it’s in and outs. It was sweet to see another Quint grow within their powers with the help of human medicines. He's grateful for it, even with all the small caveats of side effects and having tubes hanging out of him.

Zephyr's grateful for a lot of things, the band he had a blast touring with. The pack that accepted him and all his issues on the medical front. The Siblings of Sin that tended to him in their absence. But he's especially grateful for Mist and their unwavering support. Every matriarch is different, some more ruthless than others, but that's not them. They've never rejected him, not for a single second he's been topside. Mist has been accepting, gracious, full of wisdom he couldn't comprehend. A rock he never knew he'd need in his life.

There's a comfort with Mist, and the entire pack that he enjoys so deeply, and currently it's lulling him to sleep in their protective embrace. It's peaceful now that Mist is here, and their cool touch has his body relaxing.

[gladiatorcunt]

"#if autism doesnt show in the way people want it too then suddenly youre a freak to them again Imao"

EXACTLY!!! people think they're so accepting of nd ppl and then they're not perfectly neurodivergent and they freak the fuck out

YES like even with the concept of ‘perfect victims’ or how mental disorders like depression & anxiety are only tolerated if you’re cute about it make me go insane. Social media will have you thinking that maybe you can win/be accepted if you’re perceived in a certain kind of way but if those people knew you irl and you exhibit a negative or “weird” trait then it’s over. You can’t see gaining the often times shallow approval of followers or wtv as a substitute for real life companionship and support (that’s another conversation but anyway)

It’s painful for the people (especially kids growing up on the internet) who feel like they have to change even though it’s impossible and it just contributes to an awful treatment of nd people that honestly hasn’t changed that much. Some acceptance is like you said very performative too so sometimes the rug can get pulled out from under you. I grew up extremely sheltered (idk if thats the word) bc of bullying relating to not being “normal” and to find out that it’s most likely untreated autism (getting diagnosed is journey from hell) kind of puts this in a personal perspective for me.

Anyway not that there aren’t ANY neurotypical people who wouldn’t love/want a ND partner/friend! But some of them online are lying lmao

[thefactsofthematter]

for the fic title game!

“i dream of you almost every night (hopefully i won’t wake up this time)

- @we-are-inevitable ✨

@we-are-inevitable i am taking this title very literally but i think you’re gonna like this one 😁

davey jacobs has a crush.

and it’s not that weird. okay? he’s not a creep or anything. he’s just a normal guy… with extreme social anxiety, who pretty much only talks to his parents and his therapist on the day-to-day, far too freaked out to interact with anyone else. he tries not to be too hard on himself about his social ineptness— he’s mentally ill, it’s a disability, and it’s not his fault— but he often finds himself frustrated with the situation.

he’s taking online university classes, he works from home doing simple stuff like data entry and surveys and typing captions/transcripts (so that he can just take jobs from a database and do them himself without needing to send pointless emails or make calls), and he rarely leaves his apartment. he’s been diagnosed with agoraphobia, among several other overlapping anxiety disorders. he truly wants to get better— he checks in with his therapist every single day and he’s genuinely making progress— but it’s hard.

a big step for him is that he’s started going out to get a coffee every morning. he mobile orders it from the shop on his block, so that he doesn’t need to talk to anyone, but he still gets to go pick it up himself. someday, he’ll try to move on to actually talking to the staff or buying a drink that isn’t black coffee, but he’s not quite there yet.

there’s this barista. jack, his handwritten name tag reads. he’s there every morning, looking utterly joyful— he seems to truly enjoy making good coffee and greeting people and pouring fancy latte art to impress everyone waiting for their drinks. he’s pretty, in a way that most people aren’t. he’s a normal-looking person, not necessarily a model or anything, but his confidence shines through so brightly that it makes it hard to look away from him. simply put, davey is awe-struck by this beautiful man.

he doesn’t talk to jack, doesn’t even quite make eye contact with him, but jack starts to recognize him. he never pushes davey to interact, but smiles at him as soon as he walks in and has his coffee ready and greets him with things like there he is! right on time! here’s the usual, dave— have an amazing day! and davey always catches himself thinking about jack on his way home. it doesn’t even make him nervous that jack notices him and talks to him, because he finds he sort of likes it.

and then he has a dream about jack. you see, in his dreams, davey isn’t so anxious— he can talk to people without his throat closing up, and he can go out and do things without the utter terror that tends to grip him when he deviates from his routine. it’s an escape from real life, and he often looks forward to living in that world for some brief relief. he has a dream where he decides to take his laptop to the coffee shop to sit there and work, and then jack comes over to talk to him, and they hit it off and exchange numbers.

the dreams don’t stop. almost every night, jack is there— or rather, this fantasy version of jack that davey’s lonely and anxious brain has invented. davey doesn’t actually know the guy past their daily customer-employee interactions, where jack has a one-sided conversation while davey forces a polite smile. in davey’s fictional world, though, they’re in love <3

there’s 2 ways this au could go from here. option one, davey tells his therapist, who helps him thoroughly unpack the unhealthy obsession and eventually, after that’s dealt with, encourages him to actually introduce himself to jack and see where real life takes him. it’s cute and sweet and it turns out they do make a very good pair.

option two (which i think you’ll like jac bc i know you love a toxic javid au) is that davey gets a little unhinged.

the obsession grows, and he doesn’t tell anyone about it. he finds jack’s social media, figures out where he lives and who he knows, and starts to piece together every bit of information that he can. it’s not like he’s going to use it for anything— that would be creepy. he’s obviously not a stalker or some kind of freak… he just likes jack. he likes knowing about him, likes seeing him every day, and loves seeing him in his dreams, where everything is coming together as realistically as possible. it’s not just at night anymore, no, he daydreams constantly about the life that he’s convinced he’s supposed to be living. if he weren’t such a shut-in, he’d be happy. he’d have jack. that’s how things should be.

i’ll leave it open to interpretation how far this goes— maybe the obsession fades and jack never finds out. maybe davey goes too far. he’s definitely not quite joe from you (which i haven’t watched but have heard enough about to know that this au is starting to have similar vibes) but he’s def got a creepy side to him. idk. i’m never actually going to write this, but i feel like it could make an interesting psychological horror kinda thing to go with this option 👀 feel free to use your imagination!!

[lucifers-writing]

Original blog (pls check this one out too): @coven-of-cards

Hey, this is a writing blog for the host of the Coven of Cards System, I encourage you to read all of this before requesting or checking out the blog please!!

Fandoms I will write for

- Miyagi-Verse (all movies + cobra Kai)

- Star Wars

- The Outsiders

- Original pieces (own stories off the top of my head or book ideas I have planned out)

- Pokémon (I’ll try my best lol)

- Marvel/DC (not as much but I’ll try)

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Boundaries

Things I will, won’t, and will maybe write (This is for all my fics in general)

👍

- Fluff. OMG I LIVE FOR FLUFF. I LOVE JUST READING WHOLESOME STUFF ITS SO CUTE AND MAKES ME SO HAPPY. If u have a fluff request PLEASE drop a comment or send ur requests in my ask box! I love hearing your ideas!

- Angst. I love angst just as much as I love fluff! We gotta make the readers cry sometimes, that’s life. Just like with fluff, if u have an angst request, please drop a comment! Remember, this includes violence, major/minor character death, etc

- DIVERSITY. LIVE LAUGH LOVE DIVERSITY!!! POC characters? Bet, just don’t change the characters ethnicity or race! I will never make a character a different race than they actually are (example I won’t make a black character white or vise versa) but if a character doesn’t have a canon race and their race isn’t obvious, I will do my research! Queer characters? OMG YES!! Again, I won’t change a character’s canon sexuality. But if a character doesn’t have a canon sexuality, I’m willing to experiment! I have no problem headcanoning a character as bisexual. But (example) I won’t make a lesbian character bisexual for a story just bc someone asked me to. I find that to be disrespectful. I also will definitely have characters that are neurodivergent. As someone who is neurodivergent, I find it hard to find stories with a Y/N who rlly shows what anxiety feels like, or any mental disorder for that matter. So if you want to request a character who is neurodivergent, I’m all for it! I’ve always headcanoned Tommy (karate kid) to have ADHD and Jimmy (karate kid) to have social anxiety. If you request a certain mental disorder I don’t know much about, I will research the disorder first so it may take a little longer than usual! Anyways, I’m all for diversity and will have lots of diverse OCs and if requested, Y/N stories too!

- Ships!! Both platonic and romantic. I will not ship real people like actors though. I’m also all for writing abt ships that aren’t my own, again, love diversity! I personally don’t ship Lawrusso(karate kid) that much but I think they’re hella adorable and would love to write a Lawrusso fic in the future. Also, again, just bc I love diversity doesn’t mean I won’t write about heterosexual couples too. You ship Tommy and Susan and are struggling to find a fic abt them? I gotchu! It’s not a crime to like a ship that is not queer!

- A lil bit of spice. A little make out session will always be okay with me. I will only write the kissing, anything beyond that is considered smut in my eyes. So if u want a lil kissing then that’s alr. Kissing in general will always be okay with me, kissing in general falls under the fluff section. Making out has its own section.

- Crack fics. Another type of writing I love is comedy. I’ll write stories purely just about a group chat of people doing stupid shit. Or incorrect quotes bc you have to love those.

- Alcohol/drugs/smoking. News flash, most of my stories are gonna be karate kid/cobra Kai/the outsiders themed. Or just 80s movies and general. And guess what? During those movies everyone is smoking and drinking and having a whiff of cocaine once in a while. I’m not uncomfortable with writing about this type of stuff, but if you are remember I will always read back and add trigger warnings.

- Other alternate universes. Uhm, we need these! I love doing the occasional soulmate AU or a fantasy realm AU! It’s just such a fun way to add a little twist to the stories. If you want a crossover, it depends on if I’ve seen the movies or not but I’ll try my best.

- Gore. There are times I will write it and times I won’t. If it’s gore to get off, absolutely not. If it’s gore for angst, yes. If it’s gore for a horror story, yes. If it’s gore because I’m writing a fanfic/ one shot of a fandom that involves a lot of violence (examples are movies Star Wars), yes. Fantasy, yes. I will not write gore for you to get your rocks off or just to take pleasure in because that makes me uncomfortable. If gore is written, it is strictly for angst, horror, fantasy, etc.

- Headcanons for characters. I’ll do headcanons for characters, readers (as long as the request has enough info about the specific reader to do so), and same with OCs. Also, if requesting headcanons for a certain reader and your boundaries are different than mine (example not okay with kissing, PDA, etc) then tell me, and don’t be ashamed to tell me.

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Maybes

- Smut. This is definitely more on the no side. I’ve never written smut but like, it’s whatever the reader wants. I’ll try my best. Lists of things I won’t write in smut will be in the ‘no’ section. Anything on smut that’s a maybe will be on here, obviously. Also the smut will not be detailed, and will most likely just hint at it so pls don’t get your hopes up.

- Requests. It sounds bad at first but let me explain. If you comment a request once and wait, I will try my best to do it! Keep in mind I am busy and have a life outside of social media. But I won’t accept a request if it breaks my boundaries or you spam my comments with a certain request. If you do the first one, I’ll remind you to read my boundaries before requesting and if you continue to disrespect my boundaries, I’ll block you and you can’t read my stories. As for the second one, I’ll simply ignore you and if that doesn’t work I’ll block you. So don’t do those two things please.

- x female reader. I’m sorry to say this (truth hurts) but female readers have 50x the amount of writing content than male readers have. I can’t find a single Star Wars x male reader fic, can’t find a single Karate kid x male reader fic without smut that I haven’t written myself, and it sucks. And if it is a male reader, it’s usually a heterosexual couple. Nothing wrong with heterosexual couples, but queer male readers exist too. So I will only rarely write content for female readers. If it’s a WLW ship, then of course I’ll write than for you. But heterosexual ships are simply not my specialty.

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🚫

- Pro-shipping. Any pro-shippers are not allowed on any of my blogs. If I find out you’re a pro-shipper, you’re getting blocked.

- Zoophilia. Y’all are weird.

- Rape, dub-con, and non-con. All of these make me very uncomfortable and will simply never be written. Call me boring, call me rude, but I don’t think it’s healthy to get off to rape. This is a safe space page and will stay that way.

- Pedophilia or large age gaps. I think this explains itself. No minor x adult, no large age gaps (4-5 years is my limit. Nothing over that. And 4-5 is still on thin ice.)

- Omegaverse. It simply makes me uncomfortable. Anything to do with breeding makes me uncomfortable. So I’m sorry but if you’re into that, you won’t be getting it here.

- Kinks I will never write: CNC, scat, piss, spit, extreme choking, slapping/spanking, any form of hitting basically, pet play, age play (age regression does not count), whipping, rimming (I know a lot of people r gonna get annoyed at that but I just hate it. Any form of eating someone out makes me very uncomfortable.) These all make me uncomfortable and there are no ways to wiggle around them.

- Kinks I will add trigger warnings for: Extreme BDSM, any form of gags or covering the mouth, slight choking (even just a hand resting over the neck. This does not include someone lovingly holding the side of the neck), finger sucking, religious kinks as long as it’s respectful, (and usually I’ll add a warning for just the smut itself but these are specific kinks I will point out), degrading, uses of the safe word, inappropriate use of the force. And after smut I will ALWAYS WRITE AFTERCARE BC AFTERCARE IS SEXY ASF.

- Full on smut. The closest thing to smut you’re ever going to get on this page are hints that it happened, suggestive language, making out, and skipping the action but knowing that’s what happened. I’m leaving the smut to your imagination but I will never write it full on.

I am begging you on my hands and knees to KEEP YOUR REQUESTS INSIDE MY BOUNDARIES.

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Characters I will write for

Star Wars:

Also note, the reason a lot of Luke and Leia’s stories will be kinda tied together is because they are twins, we don’t do incest on this blog

- Luke Skywalker (PLEASE HE’S MY FAVORITE PLS REQUEST FOR HIM I LOVE HIM)

- Sith!Luke Skywalker (unpopular opinion but Sith Luke is such a cool idea)

- Farmboy!Luke Skywalker (can you tell I like Luke Skywalker?)

- Mechanic!Luke Skywalker (you can can’t you?)

- Literally any other AU!Luke Skywalker (send requests NOW /nf)

- Leia Organa (she was my bi awakening)

- Farmer!Leia Organa (ESPECIALLY if it’s Luke being a prince instead of a farmer, but I’ll make them both farmers too because both are cool ideas)

- Sith!Leia Organa (especially if Luke is also a Sith, but him as a Jedi instead is also accepted)

- Royal AU!Leia Organa (where both her and Luke are royals/political figures, but Luke can just be a regular farmer too if you want)

- Literally any other AU!Leia Organa (send requests within my boundaries)

- Han Solo (I thought he was kinda mean when I was 4 but like, 🤷)

- Request AU’s for Han Solo bc I don’t have much for him

- Chewie, Yoda, etc and all must be platonic/family

- Poe Dameron, request AUs

- Finn (FN-2187)

- Stormtrooper!Finn (omg imagine if the reader is a general or a rebel?! I’m giving you guys ideas)

- Actually rebel!Finn (where he was actually a rebel and didn’t lie about it lol)

- Just gonna say now if you have any other AU’S about characters besides ones I’ve listed just request

- Din Djarin (I think that’s how you spell it?)

- Sith!Din (read a fic like this once)

- Regular dude!Din Djarin (where he’s not a mandolorian)

- Kylo Ren (I want to boop his nose)

- Jedi!Kylo Ren (this was a cool concept in my head)

- Padawan!Kylo Ren (could be training under Luke still, training under the reader, just giving ideas)

- Ben Solo (yes they will be different, Ben Solo will be used if he’s just a regular guy and Kylo Ren is for any Jedi or Sith AUs)

- OCs x reader (OC must belong to the reader or have permission from the person owning the OC)

- General Hux

- Anything else, send requests

The Outsiders

(For this I’ll be more strict because most of these characters are minors)

- Ponyboy Curtis (ONLY MINORS AND NO SMUT)

- Johnny Cade (ONLY MINORS AND NO SMUT)

- Dallas Winston (I think he’s 17 so 16+ only and no smut)

- Two-Bit Matthews

- Darry Curtis

- Sodapop Curtis (16-17 only and no smut)

- Bob Sheldon (I think he is 18?)

- Cherry (16 and no smut)

- Marcia

- Randy

Request AUs

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Any other fandoms, I’ll write for any character and rules still apply. No proshipping here.

[wickwrites]

Wonder Egg Priority Episode 4: Boys’ and Girls’ Suicides Do Mean Different Things (But Not in the Way the Mannequins Want You to Think!)

So, let’s talk about this for a second. After I got over my initial knee-jerk reaction, I realized I wasn’t sure how to make sense of exactly what the mannequins were arguing for here. So let me rephrase their statements to make the argumentative structure more explicit: Because men are goal-oriented and women are not, because women are emotion-oriented and men are not, and because women are impulsive and easily influenced by others’ voices and men are not, boys’ and girls’ suicides mean different things – girls are more easily “tempted” by death, and therefore, more likely to require saving when they inevitably regret their suicide. While Wonder Egg Priority, so far, seems to agree with the vague version of the mannequins’ conclusion, namely that boys’ and girl’s suicides mean different things, it refutes the gender-essentialist logic through which that conclusion was derived.

The mannequins choose a decidedly gender essentialist approach in explaining the difference between girls’ and boy’s suicides; they argue that the suicides are different because of some immutable characteristic of their mental hard wiring (in this case, impulsivity, emotionality, and influenceability). Obviously, this is a load of bull, and Wonder Egg Priority knows it. The mannequins are not exactly characters we’re supposed to trust, seeing that they’re running a business that is literally based on letting these kids put themselves in mortal danger. As faceless adult men, they parrot and possibly represent the systems that force these girls to continue to be subjected to physical and emotional trauma (it’s probably more complicated than this, but four episodes in, it’s hard to say more). So, we’re probably supposed to take what they say with great skepticism. Also, the director, Shin Wakabayashi, has recently said that in response to these lines, Neiru was originally going to object, “When it comes to their brains, boys and girls are also the same,” (which unfortunately is not exactly true and is somewhat of an oversimplification, but the sentiment is there). While that line ultimately did not make it in, Neiru does reply with a confused and somewhat indignant, “What?!”, a reaction that gets the message across.  Neiru is not a fan of gender essentialism, and as a (more) sympathetic character, we’re supposed to agree with her.

That is, the differences between boys and girls is not something inherent to their biology or character, but something constructed by culture and experience. This rejection of gender-essentialism is apparent in Wonder Egg Priority’s narrative, which takes a more sociocultural perspective on the difference between boys’ and girls’ suicides. It says, well of course boys’ and and girl’s suicides don’t mean the same thing, that’s the whole reason why we’re delving into the experiences specific to being a girl (cis or trans) or AFAB in this world – to show you how girls’ suicides are influenced by systems of oppression perpetuated by those in power (ie. the adult, in this specific anime).

And all the suicides we’ve seen up until now tie into that somehow. For instance, Koito is bullied by her female classmates who think that Sawaki is giving her special treatment. This is a narrative that comes up over and over again, in real life as well: that if a young girl is being given attention from an older man, then it’s her fault – that she must want it, or at least enjoy it somehow, and that it signifies a virtue (eg. maturity or beauty) on her part. And if Koito is actually being given such treatment by Sawaki, an adult man in a position of power over her, that is incredibly predatory. 

And we all know that child sexual abuse is something that overwhelmingly affects girls, with one out of nine experiencing it before the age of 18, as opposed to one out of 53 boys (Finkelhor et al., 2014). Regardless of whether Sawaki was actually abusing Koito or if the students only thought that he was, Koito’s trauma is ultimately the result of this romanticized “love between a young girl and adult man, but not because the man is predatory, but because the girl has some enviable virtue that makes her desirable” narrative. Similarly, in episode 2, Minami’s suicide is driven by ideas related to discipline and body image in sports, which while not necessarily specific to female and AFAB athletes, is framed in an AFAB-specific way. For instance, take the pressure on Minami to “maintain her figure”. Certainly, male athletes also face a similar pressure, but we know that AFAB and (cis and trans) female bodies are subject to closer scrutiny and criticism. We know that young girls are more likely to suffer from eating disorders. And Wonder Egg Priority situates Minami’s experience as decidedly “about” AFAB experience when her coach accuses her change of figure due to her period as a character failing on her part.

 Likewise, episode 3 delves into suicides related to “stan” culture, this fervent dedication to celebrities that is overwhelmingly associated to teenage girls. And Miwa’s story, in episode 4, explicitly shows how society responds to sexual assault. When Miwa does have the courage to speak up about her assault, she’s instantly reprimanded by basically everyone around her. Her father is fired because her abuser was an executive of his company. Her mother asks her why she couldn’t just bear with it, telling her that her abuser chose her because she was cute, as if that’s supposed to make her feel better about it. Wonder Egg Priority shows that this sort of abuse is a systemic problem, a set of rules and norms deeply engrained in a society and upheld by all adults, regardless of gender, social status, or closeness (to the victim). Wonder Egg Priority says that, yes, girls’ and boys’ suicides have different meanings, but it’s not due to some inherent difference between the two, but the hostile environment in which these girls grow up. Girls are not more easily “tempted” by death, they just have more societal bullshit to deal with.

But Wonder Egg Priority goes further than just showcasing how girls’ (and AFAB) experiences are shaped by sociocultural factors. The story also disproves the supposedly dichotomous characteristics that the mannequins use to differentiate girls and boys (i.e. influenceability/independence, impulsivity/deliberation, emotion-orientation/goal-orientation). If the mannequins are indeed correct, and that girls are just influenceable, impulsive, and emotional, you’d expect the girls in the story to be to be like such too. Except, they aren’t. Rather, they’re a mix of both/all characteristics. This show says that, certainly, girls can be suggestible, but they’re also capable of thinking for themselves. For instance, when Momoe asserts her own identity as a girl at the end of episode four, she rejects the words of those around her who insisted that she isn’t a girl. If she were as suggestible as the mannequins believe her to be, that would never have happened – she would have just continued believing that she wasn’t girl “enough”. But, she doesn’t because she is equally capable of making her own judgements. Likewise, Wonder Egg Priority shows that girls can be impulsive, but they can also be deliberate and pre-mediating. When Miwa tricks her Wonder Killer into groping her to create an opening for Momoe to defeat it, she’s not doing it out of impulse – it’s a pre-mediated and deliberate choice unto a goal. And Wonder Egg Priority continues, girls can be equally emotion oriented and goal oriented. Sure, the main girls are fighting because they have the goal of bringing their loved ones back to life, but those goals are motivated by a large range of emotions, from guilt to anger, grief, compassion, and love. 

Being emotion-driven doesn’t mean you’re not goal-driven, and vice versa. In fact, in this case, being emotional drives these girls toward their goals. In other words, none of these traits that the mannequins listed are either “girl traits” or “boy traits”. Being one does not mean you can’t be the other, even if they seem dichotomous at first. Wonder Egg Priority’s diverse cast of multi-dimensional female characters allows it to undermine the mannequins’ conceptualization of gendered roles, refuting the idea that these (or any) character traits should be consider gendered at all.

As an underdeveloped side thought, I think Wonder Egg Priority’s blurring of gendered roles is also well-reflected in its style. There’s been a lot of talk about whether Wonder Egg Priority constitutes a magical girl series, and I think that’s an interesting question deserving of its own essay. Certainly, it does follow the basic formula of the magical girl story: a teenage heroine ensemble wielding magical weapons saves the day. But it also throws out a lot of the conventions you’d expect of a magical girl story – both aesthetically and narratively. Aesthetically, it’s probably missing the component that most would consider the thing that makes an anime a magical girl anime: the full body transformation sequence, complete with the sparkles and the costume and all that. Narratively, the girls are also not really magical girl protagonist material – they’ve got a fair share of flaws, have done some pretty awful things (looking at Kawai in particular; I still love you though), and aren’t exactly the endlessly self-sacrificing heroines you’d expect from a typical magical girl story. On the other hand, the anime also borrows a lot from shonen battle anime. We get these dynamic, well choreographed action sequences full of horror and gore, the focus on the importance of camaraderie between allies (or “nakama”, as shonen anime would call it) exemplified through all the bonding between the main girls during their downtime, and in the necessary co-operation to bring down the Wonder Killers. That said, this anime is not a shonen; the characters, types of conflicts, and themes are quite different from those that you’d find in a typical shonen. The bleeding together of the shonen genre and the magical girl genre, at the very least (and I say this because I think it does way more than just that), reflects Wonder Egg Priority’s interest in rebelling against conventional narratives about girlhood and gender.

[ganymedesclock]

These are questions I've had for some while and it's hard to find someone who'll answer with grace. This mostly relates to disabilities (mental or physical) in fiction.

1) What makes a portrayal of a disability that's harming the character in question ableist?

2) Is there a way to write a disabled villain in a way that isn't ableist?

In the circles I've been in, the common conceptions are you can't use a character's disability as a plot point or showcase it being a hindrance in some manner. heaven forbid you make your villain disabled in some capacity, that's a freaking death sentence to a creative's image. I understand historically villains were the only characters given disabilities, but (and this is my personal experience) I've not seen as many disabled villains nowadays, heck, I see more disabled heroes in media nowadays.

Sorry if this comes off as abrasive, I'd really like to be informed for future media consumption and my own creative endeavors.

Okay so the first thing I'm going to say is that while it IS a good idea to talk to disabled people and get their feedback, disabled people are not a monolith and they aren't going to all have the same take on how this goes.

My personal take is biased in favor that I'm a neurodivergent person (ADHD and autism) who has no real experience with physical disabilities, so I won't speak for physically disabled people- heck, I won't even speak for every neurotype. Like I say, people aren't a monolith.

For myself and my own writing of disabled characters, here's a couple of concepts I stick by:

Research is your friend

Think about broad conventions of ableism

Be mindful of cast composition

1. Research is your friend

Yeah this is the thing everybody says, so here's the main bases I try to cover:

What's the story on this character's disability?

Less in terms of 'tragic angst' and more, what kind of condition this is- because a congenital amputee (that is to say, someone who was born without a limb) will have a different relationship to said limb absence than someone who lost their limb years ago to someone who lost their limb yesterday. How did people in their life respond to it, and how did they respond to it? These responses are not "natural" and will not be the same to every person with every worldview. This can also be a great environment to do worldbuilding in! Think about the movie (and the tv series) How To Train Your Dragon. The vikings in that setting don't have access to modern medicine, and they're, well, literally fighting dragons and other vikings. The instance of disability is high, and the medical terminology to talk about said disabilities is fairly lackluster- but in a context where you need every man you possibly can to avoid the winter, the mindset is going to be not necessarily very correct, but egalitarian. You live in a village of twenty people and know a guy who took a nasty blow to the head and hasn't quite been the same ever since? "Traumatic Brain Injury" is probably not going to be on your lips, but you're also probably going to just make whatever peace you need to and figure out how to accommodate Old Byron for his occasional inability to find the right word, stammers and trembles. In this example, there are several relevant pieces of information- what the character's disability is (aphasia), how they got it (brain injury), and the culture and climate around it (every man has to work, and we can't make more men or throw them away very easily, so, how can we make sure this person can work even if we don't know what's wrong with them)

And that dovetails into:

What's the real history, and modern understandings, of this?

This is where "knowing the story" helps a lot. To keep positing our hypothetical viking with a brain injury, I can look into brain injuries, what affects their extent and prognosis, and maybe even beliefs about this from the time period and setting I'm thinking of (because people have had brains, and brain injuries, the entire time!) Sure, if the setting is fantastical, I have wiggle room, but looking at inspirations might give me a guide post.

Having a name for your disorder also lets you look for posts made by specific people who live with the condition talking about their lives. This is super, super important for conditions stereotyped as really scary, like schizophrenia or narcissistic personality disorder. Even if you already know "schizophrenic people are real and normal" it's still a good thing to wake yourself up and connect with others.

2. Think about broad conventions of ableism

It CAN seem very daunting or intimidating to stay ahead of every single possible condition that could affect someone's body and mind and the specific stereotypes to avoid- there's a lot under the vast umbrella of human experience and we're learning more all the time! A good hallmark is, ableism has a few broad tendencies, and when you see those tendencies rear their head, in your own thinking or in accounts you read by others, it's good to put your skeptical glasses on and look closer. Here's a few that I tend to watch out for:

Failing the “heartwarming dog” test

This was a piece of sage wisdom that passed my eyeballs, became accepted as sage wisdom, and my brain magnificently failed to recall where I saw it. Basically, if you could replace your disabled character with a lovable pet who might need a procedure to save them, and it wouldn’t change the plot, that’s something to look into.

Disability activists speak often about infantilization, and this is a big thing of what they mean- a lot of casual ableism considers disabled people as basically belonging to, or being a burden onto, the able-bodied and neurotypical. This doesn’t necessarily even need to have an able neurotypical in the picture- a personal experience I had that was extremely hurtful was at a point in high school, I decided to do some research on autism for a school project. As an autistic teenager looking up resources online, I was very upset to realize that every single resource I accessed at the time presumed it was talking to a neurotypical parent about their helpless autistic child. I was looking for resources to myself, yet made to feel like I was the subject in a conversation.

Likewise, many wheelchair users have relayed the experience of, when they, in their chair, are in an environment accompanied by someone else who isn’t using a chair, strangers would speak to the standing person exclusively, avoiding addressing the chair user. 

It’s important to always remind yourself that at no point do disabled people stop being people. Yes, even people who have facial deformities; yes, even people who need help using the bathroom; yes, even people who drool; yes, even people whose conditions impact their ability to communicate, yes, even people with cognitive disabilities. They are people, they deserve dignity, and they are not “a child trapped in a 27-year-old body”- a disabled adult is still an adult. All of the “trying to learn the right rules” in the world won’t save you if you keep an underlying fear of non-normative bodies and minds.

This also has a modest overlap between disability and sexuality in particular. I am an autistic grayromantic ace. Absolutely none of my choices or inclinations about sex are because I’m too naive or innocent or childlike to comprehend the notion- disabled people have as diverse a relationship with sexuality as any other. That underlying fear- as mentioned before- can prevent many people from imagining that, say, a wheelchair user might enjoy sex and have experience with it. Make sure all of your disabled characters have full internal worlds.

Poor sickly little Tiffany and the Red Right Hand

A big part of fictional ableism is that it separates the disabled into two categories. Anybody who’s used TVTropes would recognize the latter term I used here. But to keep it brief:

Poor, sickly little Tiffany is cute. Vulnerable. How her disability affects her life is that it constantly creates a pall of suffering that she lives beneath. After all, having a non-normative mind or body must be an endless cavalcade of suffering and tragedy, right? People who are disabled clearly spend their every waking moment affected by, and upset, that they aren’t normal!

The answer is... No, actually. Cut the sad violin; even people who have chronic pain who are literally experiencing pain a lot more than the rest of us are still fully capable of living complex lives and being happy. If nothing else, it would be literally boring to feel nothing but awful, and people with major depression or other problems still, also, have complicated experiences. And yes, some of it’s not great. You don’t have to present every disability as disingenuously a joy to have. But make a point that they own these things. It is a very different feeling to have a concerned father looking through the window at his angel-faced daughter rocking sadly in her wheelchair while she stares longingly out the window, compared to a character waking up at midnight because they have to go do something and frustratedly hauling their body out of their bed into their chair to get going.

Poor Sickly Little Tiffany (PSLT, if you will) virtually always are young, and they virtually always are bound to the problems listed under ‘failing the heartwarming dog’ test. Yes, disabled kids exist, but the point I’m making here is that in the duality of the most widely accepted disabled characters, PSLT embodies the nadir of the Victim, who is so pure, so saintly, so gracious, that it can only be a cruel quirk of fate that she’s suffering. After all, it’s not as if disabled people have the same dignity that any neurotypical and able-bodied person has, where they can be an asshole and still expect other people to not seriously attack their quality of life- it’s a “service” for the neurotypical and able-bodied to “humor” them.

(this is a bad way to think. Either human lives matter or they don’t. There is no “wretched half-experience” here- if you wouldn’t bodily grab and yank around a person standing on their own feet, you have no business grabbing another person’s wheelchair)

On the opposite end- and relevant to your question- is the Red Right Hand. The Red Right Hand does not have PSLT’s innocence or “purity”- is the opposite extreme. The Red Right Hand is virtually always visually deformed, and framed as threatening for their visual deformity. To pick on a movie I like a fair amount, think about how in Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the title character is described- “Strong. Fast. Had a metal arm.” That’s a subtle example, but, think about how that metal arm is menacing. Sure, it’s a high tech weapon in a superhero genre- but who has the metal arm? The Winter Soldier, who is, while a tormented figure that ultimately becomes more heroic- scary. Aggressive. Out for blood.

The man who walks at midnight with a Red Right Hand is a signal to us that his character is foul because of the twisting of his body. A good person, we are led to believe, would not be so- or a good person would be ashamed of their deformity and work to hide it. The Red Right Hand is not merely “an evil disabled person”- they are a disabled person whose disability is depicted as symptomatic of their evil, twisted nature, and when you pair this trope with PSLT, it sends a message: “stay in your place, disabled people. Be sad, be consumable, and let us push you around and decide what to do with you. If you get uppity, if you have ideas, if you stand up to us, then the thing that made you a helpless little victim will suddenly make you a horrible monster, and justify us handling you with inhumanity.”

As someone who is a BIG fan of eldritch horror and many forms of unsettling “wrongness” it is extremely important to watch out for the Red Right Hand. Be careful how you talk about Villainous Disability- there is no connection between disability and morality. People will be good, bad, or simply just people entirely separate from their status of ability or disability. It’s just as ableist to depict every disabled person as an innocent good soul as it is to exclusively deal in grim and ghastly monsters.

Don’t justify disabilities and don’t destroy them.

Superpowers are cool. Characters can and IMO should have superpowers, as long as you’re writing a genre when they’re there.

BUT.

It’s important to remember that there is no justification for disabilities, because they don’t need one. Disability is simply a feature characters have. You do not need to go “they’re blind, BUT they can see the future”

This is admittedly shaky, and people can argue either way; the Blind Seer is a very pronounced mythological figure and an interesting philosophical point about what truly matters in the world. There’s a reason it exists as a conceit. But if every blind character is blind in a way that completely negates that disability or makes it meaningless- this sucks. People have been blind since the dawn of time. And people will always accommodate their disabilities in different ways. Even if the technology exists to fix some forms of blindness, there are people who will have “fixable” blindness and refuse to treat it. There will be individuals born blind who have no meaningful desire to modify this. And there are some people whose condition will be inoperable even if it “shouldn’t” be.

You don’t need to make your disabled characters excessively cool, or give them a means by which the audience can totally forget they’re disabled. Again, this is a place where strong worldbuilding is your buddy- a handwave of “x technology fixed all disabilities”, in my opinion, will never come off good. If, instead, however, you throw out a careless detail that the cool girl the main character is chatting up in a cyberpunk bar has an obvious spinal modification, and feature other characters with prosthetics and without- I will like your work a lot, actually. Even if you’re handing out a fictional “cure”- show the seams. Make it have drawbacks and pros and cons. A great example of this is in the series Full Metal Alchemist- the main character has two prosthetic limbs, and not only do these limbs come with problems, some mundane (he has phantom limb pains, and has to deal with outgrowing his prostheses or damaging them in combat) some more fantastical (these artificial limbs are connected to his nerves to function fluidly- which means that they get surgically installed with no anesthesia and hurt like fuck plugging in- and they require master engineering to stay in shape). We explicitly see a scene of the experts responsible for said limbs talking to a man who uses an ordinary prosthetic leg, despite the advantages of an automail limb, because these drawbacks are daunting to him and he is happier with a simple prosthetic leg.

Even in mundane accommodations you didn’t make up- no two wheelchair users use their chair the exact same way, and there’s a huge diversity of chairs. Someone might be legally blind but still navigate confidently on their own; they might use a guide dog, or they might use a cane. They might even change their needs from situation to situation!

Disability accommodations are part of life

This ties in heavily to the previous point, but seriously! Don’t just look up one model of cane and superimpose it with no modifications onto your character- think about what their lifestyle is, and what kind of person they are!

Also medication is not the devil. Yes, medical abuse is real and tragic and the medication is not magic fairy dust that solves all problems either. But also, it’s straight ableism to act like anybody needing pills for any reason is a scary edgy plot twist. 

(and addiction is a disease. Please be careful, and moreover be compassionate, if you’re writing a character who’s an addict)

3. Be mindful of cast composition

This, to me, is a big tip about disability writing and it’s also super easy to implement!

Just make sure your cast has a lot of meaningful disabled characters in it!

Have you done all the work you can to try and dodge the Red Right Hand but you’re still worried your disabled villain is a bad look? They sure won’t look like a commentary on disability if three other people in the cast are disabled and don’t have the same outlook or role! Worried that you’re PSLT-ing your main character’s disabled child? Maybe the disability is hereditary and they got it from the main character!

The more disabled characters you have, the more it will challenge you to think about what their individual relationship is with the world and the less you’ll rely on hackneyed tropes. At least, ideally.

-

Ultimately, there’s no perfect silver bullet of diversity writing that will prevent a work from EVER being ableist, but I hope this helped, at least!

[katelynthecrazy]

Avoiding Celebrity Super-Parents

       Raita was getting tired of the constant publicity. Everywhere he turned, on every screen and billboard, every window ad and passing bus, his father's red eyes stared back at him.

       And the media was awful. Every week it was a different jarring variation of: 'Aren't you and your partner a little too close?' 'When are you two going to tie the knot?' 'How far does your "professionalism" extend outside of work?'

       Like, fuck off. Jesus, those damn vultures needed to get a life. Preferably one that included minding their own fucking business. Who in their right mind wanted to hear about the sexual tension between two male middle-aged heroes. Didn't they get their fix of that from the Erasermic Scandal a decade ago? Couldn't they just leave people who didn't want to be bothered the fuck alone?

       Nope. Dynariot, Red Might, the dreaded Poprocks--fanmade ship names harassed him from every corner. He had hoped beyond hope that maybe, now that he was going to school, he'd be able to escape from most of the bullshit.

       He should have known better.

       He should have known that getting into a hero school would make hero gossip the number one fucking priority. And he also should have known that getting into the top hero school in Japan meant getting an unwanted update every. Five. Minutes.

       Class 1A had been living in the dorms for only a week, and Raita had already learned that all of his female classmates were hardcore Dynariot shippers--which was cute for anime characters, but those were his parents. Like, holy fuck. And to say they were merely obsessed was an understatement. These girls were the unhealthy type of 'I have Twitter for the fanfiction' and 'I read the dark side of Archive' level obsessed.

       One of them had a shrine in their motherfucking closet.

       But it was one of his male classmates that really took the cake. Honestly, that kid had a mental disorder or something, nobody was just that blunt and unaware.

       A Monday morning. Homeroom. Their first real day of class. A room chock full of children excited to meet their teacher.

       Raita was not excited in the least. He'd been kept awake all night because the dumbass motherfucker next door was blasting heavy metal at two o'clock in the goddamn morning. His classmates brushed off his overly bristly attitude as normal. To be fair, he'd done little more than snap at them over the course of the past week, and they'd already dubbed him a "Dynamight Kinnie."

       A fucking Dynamight Kinnie. He was bound to act just like his own fucking father, it's called learned behavior. Fucking dumbasses.

       The door to the class slammed open, startling the students into silence. "Alright, listen up you little shits--"

       NO.

       An intimidating frame stomped through the doorway, boots slamming against the floor and a wild frill protruding from its head. "I'm going to preface this shit by saying that I am not a typical teacher. I cuss: get over it. I will verbally berate you: get over it. My job--my only job, is to turn you extras into the next generation of heroes alongside UA's new staff."

       GOD, PLEASE NO.

       "My name is Bakugo Katsuki. You all know me as the Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight--and if you don't you can get the fuck out right now. I am your new homeroom teacher. Are there any questions?"

       Cue the fangirling.

       Cue the beginning of the end of Raita's life.

       "Dynamight, you and Red Riot are sooo cute!" "Dynamight, is your partner working here too?" "Dynamight, do you don't you ever wish you weren't straight?" "Ooo~ Dynamight, so many muscles!"

       Raita gagged, noticing that the telltale vein in his father's temple was beginning to bulge.

       The annoying male classmate--whose name he did not remember--leaned over and poked him hard in the side. "Have you ever noticed that you and Bakugo Sensei look really similar?"

       No fucking shit, Sherlock. Genius detective skills. "Fuck off," he growled quietly instead.

       "No, I'm serious," he kept on. "If it weren't for the black hair and pointy canines, I'd say you were a mirror image. Your quirk is Landmine, right? And your last name is Kirishima? What are you, Dynariot's secret lovechild?"

       "I SAID FUCK OFF!" Raita snapped, jumping to his feet, and his desk started to glow. "Shit--"

       Dynamight was there not a second later, booting the desk through the open window, where it promptly exploded. "And that's why you're in the front row. And you--" he whirled on the annoying one. "If I hear the words 'secret lovechild' ever again, I swear I'll boot Icyhot off the Eiffel Tower, is that understood?"

        Another voice spoke from the doorway. "Secret lovechild."

       Raita sat down on a classmate's desk and glanced towards the doorway, seeing his other father leaning against the frame with a shit-eating smirk. There had been another person behind them, but they'd run away saying 'I need to pack for Paris.'

       Red Riot smiled and waved at the class, noticing Raita and his lack of a desk. "Landmine already, bud? Didn't class just start?"

       The class was quiet for a moment. "You two... know each other?"

       Riot blinked. Caught his mistake.

       And promptly fled out the door, away from his husband's angry glare.

       "Has..." the student sitting at the desk Raita had stolen gathered the courage to speak. "Has no one ever noticed that Dynamight wears a wedding ring..?"

        The blonde hero rolled his eyes. "And I thought the mistletoe fiasco twenty years ago had us caught, but noOo, these extras are way too stupid."

       "Dad, please shut up.

       "DAD?!"

~End~

[youarejesting]

Mad

[MASTER LIST] Beta: @fluffy-fluffu​ Rating: 18+ Pairing: Taehyung x Reader x V Genre: SMUT, mature, angst, fluff, mystery, thriller Words: 4.9k WARNINGS & TRIGGERS: psych ward in a mental asylum from back in the 1920’s, misguided medical practices; Electroshock therapy etc. Multiple personality disorder/alter ego’s/Dissociative Identity Disorder, Sex, Dirty Talk, Masturbation, Fingering, Exhibitionism, Voyuerism, blow jobs, Yandere V. If you squint for a split second there is like a slight hesitation in the reader but they consent. Nurse sleeps with the patient. Sad boy Tae, Tae vs. V, Talks about cum, Restraints, Sedation.

Summary: Taehyung from room 10 on the ward is being haunted by V a mischievous sexual deviant. Taehyung likes puzzles and his friends which includes you. But V likes you, your hair, your face and the warmth between your thighs. It’s a fight between Taehyung and V who will win?

Authors note: This is in no way shape of form a diagnosis of DID or multiple personalities nor is it an accurate depiction of said mental disorders or illnesses. This is purely fictional. If you are triggered by old medical horror please don’t read. If you identify anything you think should be added to the warnings and triggers let me know so I can warn others.

“The patients on this ward are docile, they won’t hurt you” the nurse explained, smiling softly. It was your first day, you were a fresh new nurse and it was safe to say you were a little scared of your new working environment. “The only one we want you to look out for is um, the patient in room number 10” 

“Number 10?” you repeated. 

“Let me introduce you to some of them.” You had already met some, there was a group who thought they were kittens and puppies and it was adorable. “Hyuka, don’t scratch the mattress” the head nurse chided before guiding him to the bathroom. 

You heard a noise from room 10. It  sounded a lot like something fell. You walked over and quickly scanned over his chart. “Patient is manipulative, he can do whatever is needed to get what he wants, compulsive sexual behaviour, the patient has two prominent altering personalities, Taehyung and V. When the patient addresses himself as V it is best to leave.”

You unlocked the door, peering inside you saw him cuddling his pillow in deep slumber. He seemed to have knocked something off from the bedside table in his sleep. You sighed softly before walking over, trying not to wake him while doing so. 

He had a beautiful face. It was honestly making you feel self conscious to be around him, you fought the urge to brush your hand through his soft curls and crouched down to pick the book up off the floor. 

You stayed crouched whilst examining the book. It seemed to be a comic book you concluded, a famous one that you knew of. You moved to put it back to its original place. As you were about to stand you turned to the patient to see his eyes open, staring directly at you. 

“Hello?” He yawned rubbing his eyes “I am Taehyung”

“Hello Taehyung, I was just picking up your book, how are you feeling this morning?”

“I’m tired, who are you?”

“I am the new nurse” you smiled as he sat up rubbing his hand over his arm casually scratching an itch.

“You are new, that’s exciting” he smiled sitting up properly on his hospital bed showing his impeccable manners “What’s your name?”

“My name is Nurse Y/L/N,” you said with a soft smile trying to appear friendly. From the hall you heard the head nurse call out.

“Kim Namjoon, please don’t try to escape this morning. We are about to serve breakfast okay? You know breakfast is important to fuel that big brain of yours, so sit back down while I will get you a book. How does that sound?”

You turned to look at the door which was still a fraction open, when a hand touched your hair.  Your body went stiff, heart racing in fear. You had turned your back on him. One of the most important things to remember on your first day and you had to let him get the upper hand. 

“Your hair is really pretty, I like the colour” he smiled and you turned, giving him a polite and gentle smile. 

“Thank you Taehyung, you are so sweet” you smiled. “Are you hungry? I can bring your breakfast in, if you would like?”

“I have to shower first, I have a schedule; shower, breakfast and then I get to do some activities” he said 

“Nurse y/n?” The head nurse said “is everything okay?”

“Yes of course Taehyung and I are just talking, he is telling me about his schedule” you smiled 

“Well aren’t you nice this morning Taehyung,”

“Hello Taehyung, are you ready for your shower?'' the male nurse appeared at the door smiling. Stepping past you he uncuffed the patient's ankle chain that restrained him to the bed, there was raw skin where the metal dug into his flesh and some blood stains on the corner of the sheet. 

“You must be the new nurse. I am Jihoon, a resident nurse on the ward, if you need any help, or there is something you're not comfortable with you can call me,” he grinned, shaking your hand. You thought you heard Taehyung scoff which made you blink up at him curiously. You shrugged it off thinking maybe it was all in your head. 

“My name is Y/n,” you prompted yourself to move on, “it’s nice to meet you” 

“Nurse Y/n, could you get some spare clothes and bring them back?” Jihoon asked softly, “Tae’s clothes are in the green cube on the shelf.”

You went along the corridor and found the cubed shelves. Each cube seemed to have a coloured basket, the green one had Kim Taehyung written on it. “Hello?” A voice called behind you, you turned to see two young men sitting playing cards at a table. 

“Hello, my name is nurse y/n, What are your names?”

“My name is Hoseok” the man laughed

“And I am Jungkook-ah” the other said sweetly “we are roommates, will you sit with us at lunch?”

“I will have to see if I am allowed. I don’t want to get in trouble,” you grinned before waving and heading back to Taehyung’s room where you heard the sound of banter coming from the bathroom. 

“You don’t want to miss breakfast,” Jihoon said standing in the doorway, keeping a lookout for any sudden movements. “Oh Y/n! Thanks, you can leave the clothes anywhere”

You took it upon yourself to make the bed and tried to disregard the blood and other intimate stains on the white sheets. You looked up and caught sight of Taehyung in the reflection of the mirror, he was watching you. His eyes were not wide with curiosity as you thought it would be, no rather they were hooded with something darker. 

“Nurse Jihoon, I am almost finished with my shower” he moaned, still staring at your reflection, you saw how his arm shook and how his lips fell open in ecstasy. “I just have to finish this, it would be quicker if it wasn’t my own hand for a change”

Once the bed was made you ran off into the hall trying to ignore the sounds and clear the images from your head. 

You helped serve breakfast and smiled sitting with the two young men from earlier. The nurse who showed you around had approved of the two boys, saying they were harmless. She did however have a bit of a laugh, “this one is Hoseok and that one isn’t Jungkook, his name is Jimin, they are roommates one has narcolepsy and the other is a pathological liar”

You sat down, talking with them about their card game and laughed at some of their jokes. Jimin promised you the world and told you sweet nothings. He even proposed to you several times, you concluded he was a shameless flirt. 

“Hey Jiminie?” Taehyung said walking over, and brushing his fingers along Jimin's neck, “you want to play a game of cards?”

“I can't, I have to go to a photoshoot today.” He said before standing up, “I should get ready.”

“What a shame, maybe next time?” He smirked. The boy across the table started to draw frantically. You looked over and saw it was a general shape and the clothes and hair were that of Taehyungs but the face was distorted. You hummed at the boy's work.

“Nurse, the young ones are going to play outside.” The head nurse in charge of this ward announced, eyeing Taehyung carefully. “Would you be so kind as to watch over them? Please make sure they don’t eat anything strange.”

“Of course. I will be back in a little while,” You told the boys, they were so cute, it was like playing make believe but there was no turning it off. They really thought they were cats and dogs and you loved them already despite it only being your first day. You wanted to protect them while they were in this headspace no matter what.

Looking up at the second floor of the hospital you saw Taehyung pressed against the glass looking down at you. He seemed to be angry at the fact that you were playing with the boys. You saw him get dragged away from the glass and you could not help but feel concerned, hoping he hadn’t gotten hurt.

You didn’t see him for the rest of the day he had been confined to his room and when you walked past all you could hear was crying and begging. You went to open the door but Jungkook, the silent patient grabbed your wrist gently. He handed you two sketches one was labeled Taehyung and it was him smiling and looking happy and genuinely adorable. The other was labeled V and it was the distorted picture from the morning. You flicked through the rest of the book and saw the others drawn, they looked a little different from real life but you knew who was who. The five young boys were drawn as cats and dogs making you smile.

The next day started a little differently, your shift started at lunch and you saw Taehyung sitting at the table looking forlorn, he was bandaged and looked weak. “They sedated him yesterday”,one of the nurses gossiped, “apparently he was trying to come onto one of the nurses working yesterday”

“I wish it was me, I would let him do whatever he wants,” Another nurse whispered back, you ignored them as you walked over and smiled “Good afternoon, how are you all feeling today?”

“Nurse y/n! You are here” Namjoon said, “Tell me, do you have any books to read at home?”

“I have a small bookshelf, why?”

“Well, I am bored and I would like some more books to read” He said and you hummed, “How about instead I tell you a story little by little so you have things to think about throughout the day?”

He reluctantly accepted and you started the story. There was a small giggle at one of the jokes made by Taehyung and you smiled, he looked so tired and soft in his little blanket, his wrists and ankles bandaged.

You were there for a while and the group began playing different card games, you had to explain some of the games and they picked up the concept quickly.

Taehyung left after a while, yawning while stating he was too tired to continue playing and the boys waved goodbye to him. 

Jimin who just yesterday was afraid of him, walked him to his room, practically carrying Taehyung on his back while singing that they were soulmates.

It was odd because Taehyung didn’t seem that strange and when he did it wasn’t as extreme as people made it out to be. You had noticed Taehyung was a sweet boy, whilst V was just a little more forward and flirty. 

Sure he still had his tendencies to do inappropriate things but you tried to ignore those moments and be professional at all times. 

The problem was they began haunting you at night and you were finding it hard to keep your fantasies at bay. He was charming, flirty, and pleasing to the eye, could you really be blamed for being attracted to him? 

The first time you met V and you mean really met V was when you were greeting him one morning and he sat there smirking at you. 

“Hey there bad kitty, you want some milk?” He had his hand wrapped around his hard shaft. It was thick and the tip was an angry red, oozing out precum.  “I want to give you all my milk, but you're a bad kitty and won’t take it”

You tried repressing the images from your head, squeezing your thighs together for some sort of friction, nothing has ever aroused you and made you this wet so quickly. Ignoring him as he jerked off on the bed you continued your act of nonchalance at his actions. You picked up his clothes off the floor and placed them in the wash basket. 

You dodged his hand reaching out to grab you and he frowned before going back to his previous task. You cleaned his bedside table, he was becoming very vocal and more profoundly dirty as time went on. He had resorted to explaining everything about what he wanted to do to you in great detail. 

Your underwear was soaked at this point and you were finding it hard to breath. You had to leave right then, you didn't know how long you could remain professional. You moved to pick up the book that had fallen off the bed, losing focus of your distance from the bed. You were briskly reminded when he took a firm grip of your hair. 

Fuck. 

You cursed at yourself, you made a huge mistake letting your guard down. Stupid stupid stupid. He pulled you up by your hair. “Open your mouth.” He growled as he came on your face. You watched him as his face contorted he growled and came hard as you kept your mouth firmly shut. When he finally finished he let go of your hair. 

“You wasted my milk bad kitty” he huffed watching you clean your face in the sink before you promptly rushed out of his room. 

Taehyung sat confused after breakfast. He took a puzzle and started working, “You okay Tae?”

“Oh hey, yeah I am just working on this puzzle, I am just a little confused” he smiled as the two of you sat and started working on the puzzle. It was a basket of kittens. 

“This one looks like you” he laughed “you are a kitty”

The words and context were so innocent but you couldn’t help but remember what happened that morning and you glanced at the young man from the corner of your eye. 

“What did he do?” Taehyung asked

“It was nothing you should be worried about” you smiled patting his head. “We should only worry about finishing this puzzle”

The night shift was different, you ate dinner with the residence and you all sat and watched a movie afterwards. It was a general audience movie with nothing bad in it. 

Taehyung leant his head on your shoulder as everyone else including the other nurses sat watching the movie as well. The male nurse was sitting with the five young boys. They laid their heads in his laps and he gave them pets on their backs, trying to give all of them equal attention, otherwise one would whine and rub their heads into his arms. 

The female nurse sat with Namjoon painstakingly discussing the movie instead of actually watching it. You and Taehyung were wrapped up in his blanket and you felt his hand start slithering down towards one of your thighs rubbing it tenderly. You glanced at him to see him smirking at you, “You’re such a bad kitty aren’t you?” 

His hand slipped under your dress and into your underwear. His finger grazed your clit gently making you shift in your seat. Taehyung snickered as you bit back a moan, he moved inconspicuously a little closer and whispered in your ear. His voice was deep and barely audible, his breath brushing the shell of your ear.

“You are a bad kitty aren’t you?” He pressed his nose against your neck and inhaled deeply, “Bad kitty smells nice”

Your mouth fell open, a silent gasp escaping as he pushed a single digit inside of you, “Taehyung, stop” You warned him and he chuckled darkly.

“I am not Taehyung, I am V” He took your free hand under the blanket and brushed it against his dick, letting out a small satisfied moan. He tried to pry your fingers open but you refused, he growled lowly and pushed another digit inside you. Whilst you were distracted he slid himself into your closed fist letting it mould around his shaft.

Unintentionally your fingers clenched around his boner as he gently guided your hand along his length back and forth. You kept your mouth firmly shut but it didn’t seem to stop the feelings from building, you were panting softly, the wet sounds coming from between your legs becoming more audible to you and you sighed in relief when you sawa loud action scene was underway in the movie. 

He pumped his fingers and moved your hand faster as his breathing became sporadic. V turned to you, biting your shoulder hard and coming into your hand. Without hesitation V pressed his thumb against your clit as he pumped his finger into you harder and you came, your body almost doubling over in pleasure.

“You are a bad kitty” He grinned, pushing your hand to your mouth “Lick your milk.”

“No,” You muttered seemingly uninterested and his smile disappeared.

“Bad, bad kitty” He watched as you got up and left.

As the days passed you understood more and more the difference between Taehyung and his counterpart V. You loved Taehyung, he was such a sweet boy who could do no wrong, but, you longed for the thrill of V, it took everything in your power to refuse his advances. 

An easy way to establish who you were talking to was their nicknames for you, Taehyung called you a Kitty after that fateful day of doing a puzzle together. Whereas V called you Bad Kitty for reasons unknown.

One day during the night shift you heard Taehyung crying. Stepping into the room you saw how he wiped his eyes quickly, feigning that he was okay. “Hey, Taehyung, tell me what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing please, you can go?” He sniffled, choosing to ignore his request you got closer and sat on the edge of his bed concerned.

“I am here now, I want to know what has got you so upset?”

He looked up at you innocently. The bedside lamp was his only source of light and it was quite dull. It made the room feel small as the shadows waited on the edge.

“I remember less and less, V is taking over and I can’t remember things, the boys sometimes get really nervous with me, Jungkook’s pictures are horrific.” He sniffed, “I have never been with a lady, let alone kissed someone and he has done such vulgar things”

You leaned over and kissed him before leaning back and smiling softly, “You have kissed a girl now”

He was frozen, fingers slowly pressing to his lips in shock, “Wait, nurse can I um, can you kiss me again a real kiss, I want to know what it feels like” 

You knew you shouldn’t have but you let him. Yet you kissed him and he kissed back, it was soft and timid. He pulled back, “That was amazing, if I was just a normal person. Would there be a chance that you would ever like me, Kitty?”

“I would.” You smiled brushing his hair back and smiling at the innocence in his eyes.

“Would you let me take you out to dinner?” He asked softly, you nodded “Would you let me kiss you and maybe even spend the night together?”

You nodded and he frowned, “I wish I was normal, I just want to be normal” He cried into your shoulder hugging you and as you held him he kissed you softly. You didn’t have the heart to stop him with how gentle and kind he was. He pleaded sadly, “Please, just once, just tonight”

You were helpless to the look in his eyes and you shut his door climbing onto his bed where you kissed him, touching his body as he did the same. The light tinkling of his ankle cuff was the only thing keeping you alert to any possible dangers. But he was gentle. Taehyung wasn’t V.

“Does this feel okay?” He whispered “I am not hurting you?”

Riding him was like a dream, he guided you with his hands on your hips and you felt his heart racing against your hands that were on his chest. Right before he was going to finish, you got off and took him in your mouth, you weren’t going to take any risks without any condoms.

“Yes kitty,” he whispered as he grabbed your head and came. You managed to pull away and he came all over the two of you causing him to frown, “bad kitty you got us all dirty”

Alarm bells rang but he still looked so innocent and carefully wiped your face with a tissue, apologizing the whole time. Taehyung helped you dress and even helped you tie up your hair. “I am really thankful that you helped me experience something, I won’t tell anyone, I don’t want you to lose your job or anything”

“It’s okay, Taehyung, I trust you.” He gave your hand an affectionate squeeze and you slipped out the room before people would start to suspect something.

You and Taehyung spend the next few days bonding, he warns you when he feels himself slipping away and you have enough time to prepare before V emerges. Whilst painting in the garden Taehyung is talking about all the things he loves, his favourite style of music and his favourite colour and the two of you talk about what you would do if you could do anything.

On your way back Taehyung is telling you about a new electrotherapy that has been said to remove alternate persona’s from one's mind. “It is worth a shot don’t you think?”

“It sounds a little scary, what if something goes wrong, what if you die?” you asked

“I would rather die than spend my whole life in this ward trapped in my own body because someone else is taking control of me, making me do things I don’t want to” He exclaimed, laughing almost bitterly.

“Sorry Taehyung, I didn’t know” You whispered “It’s not something I can truly comprehend.”

“That’s right because you are perfect and everything is normal,” He hissed getting aggravated, he was being restrained when he panicked and started apologizing. “Wait I am sorry, I am sorry, please let me go.”

He was taken to his room and your heart felt like it was breaking, he was afraid of himself and he wanted to get better. He was alone, longing for someone to love him for who he was. Could you be that for him perhaps?

After dinner you went to the room to see him, he was hunched over his shoulders shaking as he sniffled, “I’m sorry,” his voice was small. You stepped over and touched his shoulder, his hand came up and squeezed yours. “You should go, I am not the person you should be with”

“I want to stay, I want to be with you. If there was a way, I would love to get married, have a family and live happily ever after.”

His grip tightened and the sniffling turned to laughter, you were pulled on top of him, his grip was harsh, “You want to get married, my bad kitty, you want me to put some babies inside you?”

You were grabbed and one of the male nurses sedated him, you were crying and you left the room, “I just tried to comfort Taehyung, I am fine I was just startled and scared. I will go for a shower and I will head home for the night.”

You came back to work the next day but you didn’t step foot into Taehyung’s room. You spoke over meals with everyone and he was his usual nice and gentle self. He told everyone that he was getting electroshock therapy. He was saying if it all went successful he would be allowed out of the asylum and allowed to live like a normal human again. 

It took three whole weeks before you had willingly stepped into Taehyung's room, it was his first interview about him and his illness they were recording data to compare with afterwards. You walked him to his interview and walked him back, opening his door and stepping inside.

The door shut behind you and you knew he was behind you. The number one rule is don't let the patient block your exit. And here you were stuck in the room blocked in by Taehyung. 

“Hey Taehyung, you want to play another game of cards” you said, watching him look at the door shoulders hunched over. He slowly turned, looking up with a dangerous glint in his eyes. 

“I’m not Taehyung.” he said,his face void of any expression. 

“Who are you, then?”

“You know who I am!” He shouted before reigning himself back in, “I am V, I am the one that scares you bad kitty, that day when they sedated me, I almost had you” 

“You liked what I said though didn’t you, you pressed your thighs together and the sweet scent of arousal filled the room. You want to get fucked and you want it hard” he said, gripping you by the hair and pushing you so your chest is flat against the bed. 

You wanted it, god you wanted it and he knew it, but you would get fired. As if reading your thoughts V softly whispered into your ear, “you can blame me if they come in sweetheart, no one has to know you were willing, just tell me you want it”

“I can’t” you whined into the bed cursing that you couldn’t. 

“You let Taehyung fuck you but not me?” He pressed himself against you letting you feel how hard you made him.

“Because Taehyung was sweet,” and upset. You were trying to comfort him and had forgotten you were at work, but you didn’t say the last bit out loud.

“Listen to me. Taehyung doesn’t control me but I can control him, that was all me, you know it because I called you by my nickname. Didn’t he call you bad kitty that day?”

You looked at him in shock as he continued, all the while lifting your dress and pulling down your soaked underwear, “That’s right it was me all along so what’s the harm if we try it again?”

“Fuck me, please” you moaned throwing caution to the wind, if you lost your job then so be it. 

He pushed himself into you in a single, hard thrust and you felt your walls stretch around him. He felt bigger then Taehyung but that had to be impossible.

Where one was timid and soft, he was rough and ferocious, his hips pistoned in and out as he fucked you hard. He was vocal and unrefined, he didn’t have any other thought except the primal urge to fuck you. The lewd sounds bounced off of the walls as he pounded into you. He thrusted deep, you could feel him deep inside in your inner walls.

You were drooling, biting the blankets on his bed clutching them between your fists trying to muffle the sounds you were making. 

Taehyung had thrust hard one last time before you felt heat spreading inside you and your eyes shot open, “Fuck, Tae what about a condom?”

“You are mine.” he growled, punctuating each of his words with a thrust as he went, leaving you a writhing mess. 

You quickly got dressed and stormed into the staff bathroom and took a shower.

You changed your clothes and hurried home. You spent the night huddled in your blankets crying yourself to sleep. 

You left for a while after that incident, you spent christmas and new years with your family and when you came back you went back to working right away. The shift was awkward as Taehyung kept staring at you, you didn’t know what it meant but you tried to pay it no mind. The end of your first week back was the day Taehyung would undergo Electroshock therapy.

When it came around you walked him to the theatre and stayed in the hall, you didn’t want to witness it but you wanted to be there by him as soon as it was over. What you didn’t expect was the screaming. What felt like after an eternity but was only half an hour later they stepped out wheeling Taehyung on a gurney, he didn’t look so good. 

It took awhile but Taehyung was starting to grow stronger and he would chat and seemed to be getting healthier and there was no sign of V. You were extremely happy and a month later he was reviewed and approved for discharge from the asylum. He was finally moving in with you and you two were going to live together and start a family.

He waved to the boys but they hadn’t stopped crying all morning, they didn’t say a word, only sobbing more when Taehyung hugged them before leaving. “I wish I could take you all with me,” He said, wiping his eyes.

Taehyung moved in and you two started decorating the apartment to make it more homey. You were cooking dinner for him one night, everything was going well so far, it had been two months since his discharge and the two of you were happy.

“We could try for a baby, if you wanted?” Taehyung shuffled his feet looking at the ground. You giggled, grabbing his hand and leading him to the bedroom, he undressed you and laid you on the bed before undressing and settling in between your legs. You hadn’t been intimate since Taehyung had been discharged from the asylum and it was just as amazing as you remembered, slow and sensual just like your first time with Taehyung. 

Taehyung lifted your hands above your head, kissing and licking your breasts. Panting against you when his hands tightened his grip around your wrists. His hips drove deeper inside you, he was soon going faster and harder pounding into you with all his force and you whined in pleasure. “Yes please.”

“Do you like that bad kitty?”

If you enjoyed this story don’t forget to Like | Reblog so others can enjoy it too.

[yoifanficrecs]

april recs

here are the fics i read this month that i recommend :)

The Society Ruined Soulmates by teawithfiction - T - 2.9k (complete) - cw: alcohol use

summary: “yuuri had never thought that soulmates are needed, and finally someone agreed with him.” soulmates au where they aren’t skaters. cute first meeting fic.

A Myriad of Possibilities by xtwilightzx (blackidyll) - T - 92k (complete) - cw: mention of animal death (vicchan), anxiety, depression, alcohol use

summary: yuuri’s stammi vicino video is never posted and victor doesn’t come to japan. instead, yuuri is an assistant coach to minami kenjirou for the season.

i really truly love this fic. it has a nonlinear timeline, but it’s not confusing and is clearly marked. the progression of yuuri and victor’s relationship is really nice

a call to motion by stammiviktor - E - 20k (ongoing) - cw: emotional abuse (by an oc), gaslighting, disordered eating, weight issues, anxiety, underage alcohol use (as of april 22, so check the tags as more are added)

summary: based in real-life figure skating politics, victor leaves his coach in russia at age 23 to train in detroit with celestino and yakov. yuuri and phichit welcome him. 

i’m super excited to see what happens next! this fic is currently ongoing and i also recommend this author’s other works while we wait. so far it’s a 8/10 on the sad victor scale 

Learning To Be Comfortable by somuchanemoia - G - 4k (complete) - cw: anxiety

summary: “yuri is terrified of dogs. he doesn’t know why. he doesn’t know how. but now he has to live with one.” centers around 6 year old yuri plisetsky, pre-canon. cute fic about yuri and victor.

Just Let Our Walls Cave In by kazul9 - T - 141k (complete) - cw: depression, anxiety, injury, mention of bad parenting, yuuri thinks he’s hallucinating, alcohol use, mention of animal death (vicchan)

summary: takes place in a canon-adjacent universe with magic and soulmates. victor and yuuri appeared to each other as spirit-like figures as children, and victor appears again after the sochi gpf

10/10 on the sad victor scale

Reverse Hades/Persephone AU by secretkeeper18 - G/T - 32k (complete) - cw: mention of alcohol use, kidnapping (kind of)

summary: series of fics “in which viktor kidnaps the lord of the dead and imprisons him in his garden, and yuuri is just too awkward to leave.” LOVE this one so fun and fluffy. greek gods au!

On Our Love by LiaoftheDawn - M - 46k (complete) - cw: alcohol use, depression, victor is not taking care of himself

summary: takes place after canon ends. victor breaks up with yuuri at the world champs after the barcelona gpf. veryyyy angsty in the first chapter especially.

10/10 on the sad victor scale

Necrophilia* and Other Crimes by aceklaviergavin - T - 21k (complete) - cw: mental health issues/anxiety

summary: imagine buzzfeed unsolved, but it’s victor and yuuri. really fun fic. it has some angst, plus friends to lovers, and hilarious dialogue from their ghosthunting adventures. (there is no actual necrophilia)

Glory Is Two Steps Away by Quirmzi - T - 100k (ongoing) - cw: anxiety, depression, mention of animal death (vicchan), alcohol use, mention of an unhealthy relationship, sexual harassment, mention of sexual assault, injury, major accident (check the end notes on chapter 33 for specifics)

summary: yuri and yuuri meet in the bathroom at the sochi gpf, but yuri is a little nicer. they become friends! (this is centered around their friendship, but has background victuuri)

i really love their friendship and how yuuri’s talent is recognized! 

please let me know if i left any content warnings out or if you want me to start adding new ones :)

[damn-behzinga]

Damn-Behzinga’s Masterlist

angst - 🌧️

fluff - ☀️

favourite - 👑

⚡ The Eboys ⚡

Will Lenney (Willne)

The Veteran - The reader surprises Will at a panel after fighting in another country for a year. (X Reader) ☀️

Kissing In The Rain - Will’s friends meet his girlfriend for the first time but the couple is to busy having an argument. (X Reader) ☀️

Pancakes, Anyone? - You make breakfast for everyone after a night out and Will realises how much he loves you. (X Reader) ☀️

Nail Polish - You and Will have a pamper night (X Reader) 👑☀️

Moving In - Will and Gee get a new neighbour and Will happens to find her very cute. (X Reader) ☀️

Get Better - Will helps you through a bad day of depression. (X Reader)🌧️

A Little Bit More - Will and Reader recite their vows at their wedding. (X Reader)☀️

Tough Guy - Will and Reader are complete opposites but somehow have a strong bond. (X Reader)☀️

Will’s Friend Otis - Will gets a dog to help with some problems he’s having, Will can’t find his confidence to talk to his friends. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Toxic - Part Two of WFO, a look through social media as Will deals with his mental health 🌧️

Hometown - Part Three of WFO, Will goes home to take care of himself but re-lives the worst memories possible 🌧️

Will Comes Home - Part Four of WFO, Will comes home and tries to do a Livestream. Stephen doesn’t let it happen for obvious reasons. 🌧️

Taking A Leap - You are scared of love, Will isn’t (X Reader) 🌧️

Deserving - You get fired from your job and Will comforts you (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Alex Elmslie (ImAllexx)

First Kiss - You have your first kiss with Alex after he lists the things he loves about you. (X Reader ☀️)

Hurt Me Once -   Alex knows what his partner has been getting up to (X Reader)

James Marriott

Enough - Reader is content with the relationship they have with James, they decide to go public. (X Reader) 👑☀️

You Walked In And My Heart Went Boom - Reader and James have a heart to heart at 3am (X Reader)☀️

Grow As We Go - Reader thinks they need to break up with James in order to figure themselves out. Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader)🌧️☀️

George (Memeulous)

Protective - George gets protective when Reader gets assaulted, he decides to do something about it. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Temporary Love - George doesn’t want this to be a one-time thing… Part of the Ben Platt Writing Challenge (X Reader) 👑🌧️☀️

✨ SIDEMEN ✨

Ethan Payne (Behzinga)

Baby Behzinga Meets Her Uncles - The Sidemen meet your month old daughter (X Reader) 👑☀️

“Dad, Can’t you hear me?” - Ethan opens up about his dad, the sidemen don’t realise how truly scary it is. (Centric)🌧️

Hush Hush - You are JJ’s best friend, he warned his friends not to date you, Ethan doesn’t listen. (X Reader)☀️🌧️

After Meeting A Little Early - You and Ethan have a son at the age of seventeen. the sidemen love him to pieces. (X Reader)☀️

Happy Hours - Ethan talks about you and your son on the Happy Hour podcast. Part 2 of AMALE (X Reader)☀️

Hooked - after a little too much drinking after JJ V Logan Paul, you and Ethan hook up (X Reader) ☀️

Doubt - Ethan has his doubts about being a father but you easily soothe him. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Top - Ethan sees you wearing his top and he decides to tell you something. (X Reader) ☀️

Losing The War Against Himself - Ethan is losing the war against his depression but other soldiers are going to fight beside him and help him win. (Cenric) 🌧️

Falling On The Battle Field - Ethan tries to take his own life, the sidemen try to cope (Centric) Part Two of LTWAH 🌧️

I Can’t Wait For Forever - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s weddings, here are the fan favourite bits (X Reader)☀️

Secrets Always Come To Surface - Ethan’s secret gets revealed when someone appears out of the blue. (Centric)🌧️

Together In Isolation - Ethan loves to spend time with you in quarantine (X Reader)☀️

A Painful Memory - The Sidemen Roast is all fun and games until someone jokes about Ethan’s friend who passed away. (X Reader)🌧️

Fitting In - Ethan introduces you to his  friends, you get a bit insecure because you’re a bit bigger then other girls (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

To Be Free Again - Ethan gets into a car accident and has to learn to walk again. There are moments where he wanted to give up but he quickly had his friends help him feel better again. These are some of those moments. (centric)🌧️

Dumb Ass Love - If Ethan had to chose between men being horrid to you or a bloody nose, he would chose the latter. (X Reader) ☀️

Unclear - Ethan’s addicted to heroin, the boys have to find a way to help him (Centric)🌧️

Best Couple On YouTube - You and Ethan take part in Simon’s Best Couple On YouTube series. (X Reader) ☀️

Unconventional Family - Ethan meets his half sister for the first time and he decides she should meet his family, the sidemen.(OC & Ethan Centric)☀️

Heart Pains - Ethan has a lot of things that he wanted to do before he hit thirty, having a heart attack and almost dying was not one of them. (Centric) 🌧

Harry Lewis (Wroetoshaw)

Tranquil - You and Harry are soft when others aren’t around. (X Reader)☀️

livestream - harry watches your livestream and realises you’re not okay (X Reader)🌧️☀️

What He Thinks - Not What He Is - Harry finished filming with the weight gained video and he feels terrible about himself so you have to teach him otherwise (X Reader)🌧️☀️

Moment To Moment - This is Harry’s story of his relationship with an abusive woman. (Centric) 👑🌧️

Flustered - Harry gets flustered when a pretty girl comes in for a speed dating video (X Reader)☀️

Medication - Harry suffers from bipolar disorder and has medication, it’s awkward when his friends find out. (Centric)🌧️

Surprise - Harry thinks the biggest surprise of the day was the boys forgetting his birthday, little does he know. (Centric)🌧️☀️

Waltzing - You teach the Sidemen to waltz, Harry gets partnered up with you (X Reader)☀️

Date Night In Isolation - The activities you and Harry get up to in quarantine. (X Reader)☀️

Unexpected But Adorable - You and Harry are famous Youtubers, no one expects your relationship (X Reader)☀️

Nightmares - You have vivid nightmares, thankfully, Harry knows what to do. (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Cuddle Time - Harry wants to cuddle, the boys happily oblige. (Centric)   ☀️  

Taken Over - Harry has a seizure after a shoot, the guys help him. (Centric) 🌧️

JJ Olatunji (KSI)

Helpless - You perform your first show as Eliza Schylur for the music Hamilton and JJ supports you. (X Reader) ☀️

Jealous, Babe? - You watch Jaackmaate, JJ is jealous (X Reader) ☀️

Caring - JJ takes care of you whilst your sick (X Reader) ☀️

Not To Blame - You go to a party with all your friends, the night takes a twisted turn and JJ tries to understand it. (X Reader/platonic or romantic) 🌧️

Josh Bradley (Zerkaa)

Not Your Anxiety - The Sidemen don’t know how to handle Josh’s panic attack, luckily Freya is the best. (centric) 🌧️

Hard Worker Shouldn’t Over Work - Josh tends to overwork himself but luckily has amazing friends surrounding him. (centric)🌧️☀️

Mine - You love Josh. Josh loves you. If only love were that simple. (X Reader) 🌧

Vik Barn (Vikkstar123)

Not Just Banter - Sometimes, Sidemen banter goes too far and Vik needs comforting (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Meeting On Minecraft - You and Vik met online playing Minecraft and now you meet in real life (X Reader) ☀️

Tobi Brown (tbjzl)

Small Comments - You and Tobi promised each other that you wouldn’t go public, so why was the comment left in the video? (X Reader)  🌧️☀️

Falling - You and Tobi were on the lowdown, but what is he doing with that other girl? (X Reader)🌧️

Simon Minter (Miniminter)

Antics - You and Simon have a fun night out and have to get your drunken selves home (X Reader) ☀️

Simon In The Bathroom - Simon gets ditched by his one friend at a party, now he’s alone in the bathroom (Centic) 🌧️

THE GROUP

Acceptance - You come out to the sidemen as a bisexual (Sidemen & Non-specified reader)

🔥 + FRIENDS 🔥

Stephen Lawson (StephenTries)

Brother’s Best Friend - You are Will’s twin sister and Stephen might be developing an itsy bitsy, small crush on you. (X Reader) ☀️

Callum McGinley (Callux)

The Most Confident - Cal meets Harry’s old school friend, he likes her immediately but is she too cool for him? (X Reader) 🌧️☀️

Talia Mar

Strawberries + Cigarettes- Talia reveals her relationship with the reader through her music video for her song Strawberries + Cigarettes (X Reader) ☀️

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 2

 -you dislike frank dillane’s portrayal of tom riddle only because you don’t think he’s attractive-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION (and this time, featuring a bit of armchair child psych from a student).

Wait, don’t clutch your pearls just yet. Compose yourself.

I am about to explain why it’s not actually that bad, and Dillane’s portrayal is vastly underappreciated.

I definitely agree that his portrayal comes off as ‘creepier’. It’s not helped by the stylistic decisions in the scene -- the smeary, green filter gives the scene a sinister quality. 

Even Slughorn looks suspect here, which is somewhat appropriate, given that he is complicit in this crime. 

Again, this scene is very much intended to be slightly off.

You’ll notice (and I’ll discuss this again when I talk about Coulson’s portrayal) that Dillane is almost always shot from at least slightly below, which makes the lower third of his face look bigger (and thus more menacing). The lighting also makes his eyes glow in a really unnatural way. There’s an echo-y effect to make his voice (and not Slughorn’s) sound unnerving.

People talk about how Coulson would have looked in this scene, and if he was filmed in the same way (monotone, smeary/shadowy filter, and always from below), he’d look a bit creepy, too.

But all of this, imo, is for a pretty good reason. Slughorn isn’t the POV character. Harry is. Harry is learning about how a young Lord Voldemort wheedled the secret of Horcruxes out of an unsuspecting teacher. Unlike in COS, he expects Riddle to be evil. And, so, Harry’s new perception of Tom Riddle literally colors how we perceive him.

Take this shot, for example: he does that head-tilt thing that Coulson does, and it’s actually... kind of... cute???

Imagine Dillane filmed from slightly above, like Coulson usually is, and it looks even more innocent. (I mean, come on, he does not look like he’s killed four people, does he?) It’s not hard to imagine teachers being taken in by this kind of act.

Even that little smirk he does when the camera (aka, Harry’s gaze) pans in, is for Harry’s benefit. No one else noticed that. 

However, I still fail to find this creepy, like, at all. Yes, it’s a fake smile, but he’s portraying a different side of Tom Riddle to Coulson. Whereas, in COS, he’s in his vindictive, murderous element, where he’s free to express himself, in this scene, Tom Riddle is doing what he does best -- manipulating and managing appearances. 

This entire scene is an act. And because Harry knows it’s an act, it should look a bit stilted. 

From the Hepzibah Smith scene in the books: Voldemort smiled mechanically and Hepzibah simpered.

So, Harry is pretty adept at parsing Tom’s fake expressions.

But just look at the expressiveness in his face: he goes from brooding, he blinks, and his entire face changes to this charming (fake) smile. 

At the risk of sounding elitist, I’m a bit tired of seeing the word ‘psychopath’, which is not an actual medical diagnosis recognised by any psychological or psychiatric institution, being tossed about, especially with reference to Tom Riddle (and from a neuroscience perspective, it’s doubly annoying). There’s no such thing as ‘insanity’ or ‘psychopathy’ or being ‘crazy.’

-although I use it too a shorthand in conversation to distinguish ‘canon’ Tom from his ‘softer’ OOC counterparts, I really shouldn’t-

Unfortunately, I’ve seen the ‘psychopath’ comment used time-and-time again as an excuse or a full explanation of ‘why Tom Riddle went evil’ (JKR in fact, has made a weird comment in an interview, basically saying that ‘psychopaths can’t be redeemed or learn adaptive coping skills’ or whatever), which really just goes to show the lack of understanding and compassion when personality disorders, especially, are concerned.

But what I like most about the opening of this scene, actually, is that first, listless expression. And this is where we get slightly into headcanon, but Tom Riddle is the opposite of a happy, mentally healthy teenager. By Dumbledore’s own admission, he has no real friends. He has no parental figures, no real attachments. Yes, he might derive some pride or enjoyment from being good at magic and top of his class and all that, but I really don’t think even Tom finds that truly fulfilling. There is nothing that makes him happy. 

In fact, although some might perceive it as ‘creepy’, I think that listless expression is an accurate window into Tom’s psyche. 

I know people aren’t big on Freud, but I think that he does make some interesting points (also, cut the guy some slack for being relatively open-minded for the Victorian Era, and inventing psychoanalysis and while yes he did say some sexist stuff, good luck finding a field of science that isn’t male-focused and makes crazy generalizations about women, especially back in the day) about the possible origins of thanatophobia, the fear of death.

According to Freud, thanatophobia is a disguise for a deeper source of concern -- he did not believe that people were capable of conceptualizing their own death to that extent. Instead, he believed that this phobia was caused by unresolved childhood conflicts that the sufferer cannot come to terms with or express emotion towards.

Now, I know Freud almost always attributes mental distress to childhood experiences, but I think in this case, it really has some merit.

According to attachment theory, the basis of how we form attachments in adulthood is dictated by learning it from experiences with caregivers in the first two years of life. We know Tom was born in an orphanage, and that he didn’t cry much as a baby, and subsequently, probably received very little attention. Compounded with possible genetic factors and his caregivers being afraid or wary of his magical abilities, he later struggled to form attachments because of this -- I would actually go so far as to say that by the time Dumbledore meets him, Tom Riddle is severely depressed. 

And that flat affect and anhedonia, I think, comes over very well in Dillane’s portrayal. There’s kind of this resignation -- a very deep sadness and loneliness to his character.

Of course, he doesn’t derive any comfort or fulfillment from human interaction, because (to borrow the description from the Wikipedia article on ‘Reactive attachment disorder’, which Tom meets all the criteria for) he has a “grossly disturbed internal working model of relationships.” In other words, he is unresponsive to all offers of attachment because of this unacknowledged trauma.

(You could arguably class Tom as having an avoidant attachment style, but I think in his case the trauma and its effect on him are severe enough to call it disordered.)

RAD isn’t particularly well-characterized (especially neurologically) and quite new in the literature, but here are some links if anyone is interested in doing a bit of digging: Link 1 | Link 2 | Paper 1 | Paper 2

And, instead of trying to resolve this conflict in a healthy way, or at least recognize that this is why he can’t be happy and try to learn how to cope from there, he (a) represses the desire for human attachment and (b) funnels that negative emotion into being the fault of Death, the Grim Reaper (again, to borrow Freudian terms). 

And we all know how that turned out...

(And now, this should go without saying, but psychoanalyzing fictional characters has nothing to do with assigning a morality to mental disorders. Mental illness is neither a cause nor an excuse for criminal behavior -- in the same way that the cycle of violence is a phenomenon, not an excuse. Tom Riddle did not become a genocidal murderer because, in common parlance, he was a ‘psychopath’ -- he was not necessarily ‘predisposed’ to evil and could just as easily chosen to not follow the path that he did -- instead, he willingly made poor choices. This is a descriptive analysis, not a justification -- a ‘how’, not a ‘why’)

Here’s a Carl Jung quote that articulates it better:

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

Yes, he’s a bit stiff (and a lot more formal than in COS during his *conversation* with Harry). But, and here comes the controversial bit, this is appropriate for a portrayal of a schoolboy in the 1940s. The upright posture is accurate -- respectful, polite -- everything Tom Riddle would have been expected to be (and even Coulson, in that scene with Dumbledore in COS, is quite stiff). Even the way he looks at Slughorn and maintains eye contact is very *respectful.*

And, Dillane (I think he’s seventeen or eighteen here) actually looks like a believable sixteen-year-old. I’m sorry, I love Coulson’s portrayal as well, but he looks around nineteen in COS; so in HBP, he probably would have looked at least twenty-two or so. (Sorry, not sorry).

This may be influenced by my own interpretation of the character (because I imagine Tom always looks young for his age, and Dillane fits that archetype, but I don’t think that’s very popular), but I think young Tom Riddle is supposed to be *cute* and a bit stiff/shy/awkward (being charming and awkward is very much possible), if you consider the way Dippet and Slughorn treat him. 

To support this, he says very few words to Hepzibah Smith (in the book, that scene’s not in the movie), and is very... bashful and coy during the whole interaction? I think yes, he’s charismatic, but he’s not loud, suave, openly flirtatious or particularly verbose. Tom Riddle should have a quiet magnetism, and to me, that came across in Dillane’s portrayal.

"I'd be glad to see anything Miss Hepzibah shows me," said Voldemort quietly, and Hepzibah gave another girlish giggle.

...

"Are you all right, dear?"

"Oh yes," said Voldemort quietly. "Yes, I'm very well. ..."

Even the ‘ugly, greedy look’ described in the books, when Slughorn starts spilling his secrets, is there. This is how he’s supposed to look! Slughorn glimpses it, but doesn’t understand its significance. Harry does. 

“Slughorn looked deeply troubled now: He was gazing at Riddle as though he had never seen him plainly before, and Harry could tell that he was regretting entering into the conversation at all.”

Remember the context of this moment, as well: He’s just discovered how to create multiple Horcruxes. Excuse him for looking a bit creepy (if not now, then when?).

Here’s two direct quotes of Harry’s impression of Tom Riddle in that scene: 

“But Riddle's hunger was now apparent; his expression was greedy, he could no longer hide his longing.”

“Harry had glimpsed his face, which was full of that same wild happiness it had worn when he had first found out that he was a wizard, the sort of happiness that did not enhance his handsome features, but made them, somehow, less human. . . .”

Tom Riddle’s Horcruxes are a direct metaphor for his refusal to allow himself to heal from his trauma -- instead, he continues to inflict destruction on himself and others.

His desire to continue creating more Horcruxes sort of resounds with the fact that self-harm can also become a compulsion.

I’d also like to digress a bit to discuss the Gaunt Ring, while we’re at it. While we’ve talked about his attachment issues in general, this discussion is particularly pertinent to father figures. And while Tom’s attachment issues are extensive, I think there’s ample evidence that as a child, he craved acknowledgement and acceptance from a father figure -- the man who gave him the only thing Tom truly owned -- his name. He would have had a vaguely defined mother figure in Mrs. Cole, perhaps.

"You see that house upon the hillside, Potter? My father lived there. My mother, a witch who lived here in this village, fell in love with him. But he abandoned her when she told him what she was.... He didn’t like magic, my father ... He left her and returned to his Muggle parents before I was even born, Potter, and she died giving birth to me, leaving me to be raised in a Muggle orphanage ... but I vowed to find him ... I revenged myself upon him, that fool who gave me his name ... Tom Riddle. ..."

We know that by June of 1943 (COS flashback) Tom has already uncovered the truth of his parentage; he knows he is the Heir of Slytherin via the Gaunt line, and he describes himself to Dippet as ‘Half-blood, sir. Witch mother, Muggle father.’

In Part 1, I discussed the high probability that as a presumed ‘Mudblood’, Tom Riddle was treated rather poorly in Slytherin House. But by this scene in the fall of 1943, he is surrounded by a group of adoring hangers-on. Why?

In my opinion; the Gaunt Ring. We know that Tom stopped wearing it after school, so its sentimental value couldn’t have been that great. We know he likes to collect objects (which I believe stems from his attachment issues -- he seeks comfort in things instead of other people).

Signet rings (such as the one belonging to Tutankhamun seen above) were used to stamp legal documents and such, in order to certify someone’s identify -- like an e-certificate, if you will. Like Tutankhamun’s ring, the Gaunt Ring bears an identifying symbol -- Marvolo Gaunt tells us proudly that it bears the Peverell family crest.

By the Middle Ages, anyone of influence, including the nobility, wore a signet ring. Rings in antiquity were auspicious -- they signified power, legitimacy, and authority. And so, I believe that all the Sacred Twenty-Eight families would have worn these, too.

And so, bearing the Gaunt Ring would have established Tom Riddle, symbolically and in the eyes of the Sacred Twenty-Eight (his future supporters and followers), as the legitimate heir to the House of Gaunt. This is why, I believe, Tom coveted the ring as soon as he saw it -- not just because it was a family heirloom, and not just because he thought it was a pretty toy for his collection.

(He curses it so that no one else but him can wear the Gaunt Ring safely.)

This is why, to make the legitimization literal as well as symbolic, Tom murders his father and grandparents. It’s not just an act of vindictive, murderous rage due to his perception of being rejected by his father (although it is that, too). And so, Tom, abandoning his search for a father figure (and possibly also giving up on the possibility to allow himself to heal from his own personal trauma rather than continue to inflict it on others), ‘cleanses’ his bloodline, to make himself truly legitimate. It’s rather telling that instead of affirming his legitimacy as a Riddle, which would have put him in line for a nice inheritance, and hey -- money is money -- (thus accepting his half-blood status), he simply kills them all. He has done all the murdering he needs to become immortal (and he hasn’t had the discussion about multiple Horcruxes yet); but yet, he does it again. Frightening stuff. 

(Just look how the others look at Tom. All but the one to his left -- possibly Nott, Rosier, or Mulciber -- have their torsos turned towards him. Their attention is on him, while he knowingly regards the viewer/Harry. Tom seems a little uncomfortable with the attention.).

“And there were the half-dozen teenage boys sitting around Slughorn with Tom Riddle in the midst of them, Marvolo's gold-and-black ring gleaming on his finger.”

...

“Riddle smiled; the other boys laughed and cast him admiring looks.”

...

“Tom Riddle merely smiled as the others laughed again. Harry noticed that he was by no means the eldest of the group of boys, but that they all seemed to look to him as their leader.”

The ‘gang’ are true hangers-on; Tom doesn’t seem to pay them much attention. 

So, if not via careful flattery or charisma, the attraction must be status.

And perhaps yet more telling...

"I don't know that politics would suit me, sir," he said when the laughter had died away. "I don't have the right kind of background, for one thing." “A couple of the boys around him smirked at each other. Harry was sure they were enjoying a private joke, undoubtedly about what they knew, or suspected, regarding their gang leader's famous ancestor.”

That, in my opinion, is as good as we’re going to get as proof that Tom’s shiny new signet ring (and by extension, his new status) made a big impression on his fellow students.

So, when he returns to Hogwarts, he is ‘pureblood’. He is cleansed of his Muggle roots, and becomes the legitimate heir of the House of Gaunt, now well on his way to becoming Lord Voldemort...

Watch the scene again, with a critical eye, and imagine Slughorn’s perspective, instead of Harry’s. There’s nothing creepy about Tom Riddle... unless you know what he is...

Strip away all the effects of Harry’s gaze (and notice, here he’s still looking at Harry), and he’s quite the charmer, actually.

(I will concede that I don’t like the promotional images where they have him looking like he’s up to no good. And I do wish he blinked once in a while.)

My challenge to you: Rewatch the scene with an open mind, and let me know if you agree that Dillane’s portrayal comes off as depressive rather than ‘creepy.’ And if not, why do you dislike his portrayal?

[djkhgfdsfjkdbv16753654]

i have, like. a lot of thoughts about the way systems are treated in this On Line age. like... how heavily skewed the system experience is from people online. everything about systems online seems to be about how FUN being a system is, because wow you've got your very own group of buddies and protectors in your brain!!!! but like... that isn't always the case. what about the constant anxiety that someone will call you out for being a fake system when you know you're not? what about the fact that this mental illness is literally born from trauma? what about the persecutors, the perpetrators, the alters who will abuse the host? what about the internal questioning as to whether your alters are even real, whether or not people will like them being around instead of you? what about the fact that we can't even control what alters form and we could end up with someone really unpleasant and triggering?

and on the subject of "fake systems", this is another unfortunate consequence of the internet. system discourse and the constant patroling that some people (who are more often than not singlets themselves mind you) do where they'll jump at whatever chance they get to call a system "fake" adds so much more fear for systems just finding out they're systems. i was terrified to tell my friends i had alters! i was terrified they'd think i was faking because my experiences as a system didn't line up exactly with the other systems they knew! and i know other systems who feel the exact same. and even if it turns out that a teenagers alters were "fake", that's still a tip off to something being mentally wrong.

and there's another thing-- DID and OSDD are mental illnesses. they're not exactly all sunshine and rainbows. i feel like online on social media systems get an unfortunate short end of the stick with regards to the whole phenomenon of "social media isnt real life, it doesn't show the ugly bits". when it comes to DID and OSDD, rarely do i see posts about how terrible it is to have complete and utter gaps in your memory and to struggle with depersonalization, etcetera. DID and OSDD isn't just "having alters syndrome", it's far, far more than that. it is a mental disorder born out of trauma that occurs so early on in a person's life that their developing brain doesn't even get to figure out how to form a singular personality.

tldr: systems aren't all sunshine and rainbows, and like other aspects of life, social media happens to only show the pretty parts of it that you can dress up and call cute. please treat any systems you know or may come to know with kindness and openness, and don't jump at the first chance you have to call them "fake". please.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Confession Time

TW: For talks of mental illness as well as a mention of suicide.

This has actually been on my mind for quite a while but I was worried about how it would be taken. However this has actually come up several times in the Azula tag now so I might as well talk about it. And before I get to the point I just want to say that I’m very much open to respectful discussion. Please don’t rip me apart over this. 

So here we go; Azula/Therapy makes me rather uncomfortable.

And it does so on a rather personal level and for several reasons. I can’t really get into my biggest reason because it’s very deeply personal and I don’t feel comfortable sharing it online. So I’m gonna start with the less personal reasons as to why I think that Azula/Therapy is kinda sketchy imo.  

I feel as though most people who ship Azula/Therapy don’t really realize how it affects real people? For one thing I feel like it makes a joke of therapy. It’s kind of hard to explain but therapy isn’t some cute and quirky thing. It’s a very serious matter and to ship Azula/Therapy like it’s the next Drapple (Draco/Apple) just doesn’t sit right with me. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I feel like most people who ship Azula/Therapy don’t particularly mean any offense. I feel like to a degree it comes from a place of innocence. But and its big but, I think that Azula/Therapy got its origins from a not so wholesome place. In fact I think that the ship was  born from a place of hate. I think that the first time I encountered Azula/Therapy it was from a very notorious Azula anti. It gained traction with the anti crowd as a means to harass and guilt people for shipping Azula with anyone. And that’s not okay. I think that somewhere down the lines, the Azula fandom kind of reclaimed it but. I am damn near certain that this started as an Azula anti thing.

It’s one thing to ship Azula/Therapy because you don’t feel like Azula is sound enough to be in a relationship. But don’t try to guilt others for disagreeing. And this kind of leads me to my main problem with Azula/Therapy.

I think that it’s kind of, sort of (dare I say) ableist? Just because someone has a mental illness doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t be loved. I’ve been kind of keeping tabs on discussions on this and I came across one anon who literally say something about how “Azula would just be a burden to her lover.” NGL that had me floored because this is the exact line of thinking that puts depressed people in a bad place. Speaking from experience, people with depression feel like burdens/like they are bringing people down. And to see this line of thinking being affirmed in fandom spaces does not help real people who are experiencing the same thing. God forbid someone shares disorder traits with Azula and they see that. 

I am 100% that there are some relationships where a person just isn’t stable enough to be in a relationship and it would be detrimental for them to have one. But for other people finding a lover can be instrumental to recovery! So by all means, this is definitely a matter of something being a case by case thing. Getting a littler personal (but without getting into too many details) I know two people who literally saved each other. And by this I mean, one was super depressed and the other was ready to kill themself. Finding each other was what rekindled their will to live again. That’s why it really bothers me to see Azula/Therapy being tossed around so carelessly. To me there’s this underlying implication that mentally ill people shouldn’t be allowed to date and get love. And that’s just not fair?  I feel like people maybe don’t think about this when posting Azula/Therapy stuff. 

“Well Azula specifically shouldn’t be in a relationship yet because she’s not in a good place for it.”

Okay fair but consider a few things; 1. some people specifically write post-redemption Azula ship fics 2. some people enjoy writing out fics where romance helps her heal. 

I have seen it come up that someone (I won’t mention names because I’m not sure if this user would want that) mention that they ship Azula/Therapy because they aren’t up to writing a fic that involves an arc of Azula getting to a place where she can have romance. Which is totally fair. But, that doesn’t mean that other people can’t. And I feel like this fandom has been trying to guilt people for shipping Azula with anyone. As mentioned, this isn’t fine. (@ mentioned user, feel free to reply). 

Another thing that I saw was an anon saying that being anti Azula/Therapy is aro/acephobic. I’m going to put my foot down as someone who has been very openly aro/ace and say, don’t try to speak for all of us. Yes romance isn’t the solution for everyone because romance isn’t what everyone is looking for. And I absolutely agree with this. However Azula is a fictional character and not everyone headcanons her as aro/ace. For some people, writing Azula in a romance as part of the healing process is what makes them happy. It doesn’t make them aro/acephobic. 

One more thing that I saw come up regarding Azula specifically. And I think that they made a wonderful point; Azula’s breakdown (as I interpreted it) came from a lack of love. Azula craved genuine affection whether she realized it or not. So I would argue that Azula would be one of those people who could strongly benefit from being in a relationship as part of the healing processes. By all means, make therapy a part of that healing process! She can be in a relationship and she can still go to therapy. She can use that therapy to help her keep that relationship healthy. I guess what I’m trying to say is I could get on board with Azula/*Character*/Therapy as an OT3. 99.99% sure that this is really common in real life. Actually 100% sure because (again without sharing too much personal info) I have seen a rather unstable person get into a relationship and use therapy to help them make sure that said relationship stays healthy. 

A person doesn’t have to be 100% mentally sound to be in a relationship. And having a mental illness while  being in a relationship doesn’t automatically make it a toxic or dangerous relationship on principal. I think that (depending on the disorder) some long discussions need to be had and some boundaries need to be put in place. Speaking from experience, I have heard someone say something akin to, “alright, I have *disorder* if I ever do *bad habit* then take these steps and don’t let me push you around...” Things like that. 

TL;DR: I feel like Azula/Therapy (even if it comes from a well meaning place) can be disheartening for people who relate to Azula & people who already feel like a burden in their real life relationships. Ship Azula/Therapy if you want and if it makes you comfortable but don’t try to shame people for shipping her with other characters. Also be weary of people who ship Azula/Therapy  as a means to belittle others.

I think that’s it for now.  If I think of anything else, I’ll add it. I’ll just end by saying that I don’t mean this to be antagonistic or yell at anyone but to offer a new POV.

[jpegjade]

Physical Therapy - Ch. 1 (Spencer)

WELCOME TO PHYSICAL THERAPY!! in honor of this bish starting physical therapy in real life (and missing it bc i can’t drive and my mom and i’s schedules not being synched on google calendar all the time) i’ve decided to write a fic about it. it will be a little series with a goal (yes, an end game) and it’ll be cute. some of it is based on actual things that happen and some is literally just the story. ENJOY.

gender: neutral

tw: nothing that i can think of

genre: fluff | angst

Description: After getting shot in the leg, spencer goes through physical therapy before he can get back in the field completely. What happens when he starts to fall for his physical therapy assistant? 

__________________

Two honks at 6am meant that it was time for Spencer to get going. Derek was downstairs, in the car, waiting on boy wonder to crutch his way out of the apartment complex. Derek wasn’t sure how to feel about this trip considering he missed his early morning run for this but he knew how nervous Spencer was for his evaluation today so he didn’t mind as much as he could have minded. 

Spencer was patiently waiting in a pair of very short shorts, mismatched socks, and running shoes. He threw on a t-shirt and looked in the mirror, noting how tired he looked. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately for some reason but he couldn’t be sure why. He combed out his hair one more time before he and his crutches headed to the elevators. 

“Ready, kid?” Derek said, opening the front door for Spencer like a world class chauffeur would if Spencer was a celebrity. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” Spencer mumbled.

In truth, Spencer was more than ready to get started on his physical therapy journey. He wanted to get back in the field full time, adrenaline pumping, connecting with victims, walking again. He didn’t mind the assisted mobility but it was hard for him to know that the best he could do sometimes was stay back in the office or hang out in Garcia’s batcave. 

The car ride was filled with a comfortable silence between the two men. Derek was thinking about how he could make up his missed morning run by doing another type of high cardio workout while Spencer was just trying to figure out why it had to be him. He wouldn’t wish the frustration of his recovery process on anyone else on the team but the frustration of the recovery process just got to him on some days. Today was one of those days. 

Derek pulled up to the physical therapy clinic sooner than Spencer hoped. Part of that was because Derek was a very fast driver while the other part was because Spencer wasn’t paying attention for most of the drive. 

“You owe me one.” Derek said, completely joking. Well… Partially. That morning run was what kept him awake during the day, energizing him for work. 

“Do you want to come in?” Spencer said, looking down at his hands in his lap. 

Spencer’s hands were tapping his leg as he awaited Derek’s answer. He was nothing short of a nervous wreck on the inside. All he could think about was how much pain he would be in once the evaluation was over and the physical therapist had finished poking and prodding at his knee. He hated to think that it would be worse than everything else going on. Plus he still had to go to work today. 

“Sure, kid.” Derek said. 

Derek wasn’t going to sit in the car and do nothing the whole time so he might as well support his friend. 

Climbing out of the car, the boys slowly made it to the sliding glass doors of the physical therapy clinic. Much to Spencer’s surprise, it was nothing like he originally imagined it to be. Some part of him thought it would somewhat resemble the clinic where his mother resided but it was completely different. There were floor to ceiling walls for over half of the first floor building. High tech equipment was stationed everywhere from anti gravity treadmills to hand bike motors, medicine balls and so much more. Spencer stood in the doorway, leaning on his crutches, while he took everything in. There was so much light in the air, it was almost like the feeling of recovery was airy and not meant to bog him down. This was a strange feeling for him to comprehend...

“You coming, pretty boy?” Derek called, taking a break from chatting with the pretty receptionist. 

Spencer and his crutches walked over to the front desk and grabbed the paperwork that covered how much pain he was in today. He filled it out quickly, hoping to get everything over with sooner than later. He was already here so he might as well just finish everything quickly so he could get out of the place. 

When he finished writing everything down, he returned the paperwork to the receptionist who slipped him a piece of paper and pointed to Derek. Spencer already knew it was the receptionist’s personal phone number and he didn’t even need to look at the paper. Sitting down, Spencer handed Derek to a very confused Derek before it hit him what it was. Derek winked at the receptionist, who blushed before answering the phone. 

“Spencer?” A voice called his name shortly after he sat down. 

It was nice to know that here, he didn’t have to be a doctor. He was just another person healing. He didn’t have to be smart, he could just exist. 

“Good luck.” Derek said, noticing that Spencer’s hand was shaking in the slightest bit. 

“My name is Nora and I will be your lead physical therapist.” The woman said, walking Spencer to a vacant padded table. It reminded Spencer of the types of tables you lay on when you get a massage. 

He only got a massage once when Garcia got stood up on a couples’ massage date. He spent half of his part of the massage giving the masseuse facts about how their job could actually give them an infection from the amount of germs in the air and on the table. His delivery of facts caused the room to be incredibly uncomfortable and bleach the table very thoroughly. By the time he and the masseuse finished, only 5 minutes were left in the massage and Garcia was left horrified and amused at the same time. 

“Don’t worry. We bleach the tables every time someone finishes a session.” Nora said, noticing the look on Spencer’s face. Spencer visibly relaxed and sat on the table. 

“So, Spencer, tell me a little bit about yourself.” Nora followed up, pulling up a backless roller chair. 

“Well, I was on a case and the unsub, unknown subject, shot at a dad but it ended up hitting me in the leg instead and…” Spencer paused, looking at Nora’s amused face. 

“No, I mean tell me about you. Your hobbies, what you do for fun, things like that. I need to do a complete profile for you so I know how your quality of life has been affected and which exercises you can do at home so we aren’t pushing too fast.” Nora smiled at Spencer. 

“I work.” Spencer said in a matter-of-fact tone. He didn’t really have anything else to say. 

“Okay. So you’re a workaholic.” Nora wrote. She was about to ask a new question when you came quickly walking to Nora. 

Spencer was left dumbfounded. There seemed to be a halo of light radiating around you, making you glow. He knew it was the sun finally rising but his brain short circuited as he continued to gaze at you. 

“Hey Nora?” You said, looking down at your boss. “Mrs. Gillespi wants to know why you haven’t come back to check her form. She doesn’t trust me because, her words here, I ‘look like a child who doesn’t know their left foot from the color orange.’” 

“Sure. Here, you can take over Spencer’s evaluation.” She handed you her clipboard.

You looked at the detailed notes on the paper and then up at Spencer, who looked like one of the youngest people here. 

“It’s not often we get cute guys in this place. Other than Kyle. But Kyle’s an asshole who could almost be my dad.” You blurted, not realizing you said it outloud as soon as Nora left. 

You noticed that he started blushing and looking at his converse and you realized that you said something. You usually spoke your thoughts out loud but the people you worked with were used to it so no one bothered to say anything.

“What?” You asked, confused. 

“You called me cute.” Spencer said. “Which is fine. I don’t understand the appeal but I do believe that your blurting of what you perceive as a fact is a coping mechanism. It can also be tied to ADHD, which is a common mental disorder that causes your brain to impulsively say things.” Spencer paused, looking at your face. 

“What?” You asked, again, confused. 

“I’m not saying you have ADHD. I’m a doctor but not that kind of doctor. Although I could get another Ph. D. Prove my father wrong. And…” Spencer realized he was rambling. 

“Cute and a talker.” You said, writing that down. 

You wrote something down on the paper that Spencer couldn’t see but he was curious about. 

“Let’s check out that leg.” You said, pulling out an instrument that looked like a compass. 

You asked Spencer to move his knee certain ways and it wasn’t as bad as Spencer thought. You were gentle, soft even. Your hands were delicate and you ended the session massaging his leg and smiling at him. 

“You were a good patient today, doctor Spencer.” You said, smiling at him. 

Spencer blushed, unable to meet your eyes. 

“You… I mean… I enjoyed our session.” Spencer said. “Which I don’t normally enjoy. Not that I’ve been shot before. Or had physical therapy. Or been here. Or even worked out really.”

“You’re funny, doc.” You smiled. “Your next appointment is Tuesday of next week according to the schedule so I guess I’ll see you then. I can’t wait.” 

Spencer stared at you as he wondered why you were so excited. 

“Why?” Spencer asked. 

“It’s not every day I get the case for a cute guy who is smart and awkward. It’s almost like the heavens have answered my hopes and prayers.” You joked, looking up at the ceiling and putting your hand on your heart. 

“I believe in science.” Spencer stated, grabbing his crutches. 

“A man of science. Does it get any better? What’s your star sign?” You joked. 

“Scorpio.” Spencer stated. 

“Oop. All the scorpios I know have been some hoes. You better not be a hoe, doc.” 

“I’m definitely not a gardening tool, if that’s what you’re referring to. Otherwise, I’d like to thing my lack of dating skills doesn’t qualify as being a… hoe? Although, I don’t believe in the use of the word to describe someone who enjoys spending time with multiple people. I’d like to think the use of the word is meant in jest and fun for a term of endearment.” Spencer stood up, balancing on his crutches. 

“I’ll be the judge of that.” You said, walking slowly with Spencer to the front desk. 

“What’s your name?” Spencer asked, turning to you. He realized that he never got your name.

“Y/n.” You smiled. 

The clouds must have parted again because as soon as you turned to walk away from him, towards Nora, you were covered in another halo. And just like that, you were gone again.

_____________________

Future tag list: 

@ellvswriting @sageandberries-png @l0ve-0f-my-life @rexorangecouny @kennedywxlsh

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[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (10)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 4,7K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness (?)

Updates: Tuesdays [Today I’m posting it a little bit earlier just because] [Also, I have up to chap 12 written but I’ve been blocked/busy to write. I already started chap 13 but the updates may be changed in the future]

Tagging: @aliceu @thatrandomoneinthecorner  @channiewoo

                                               /////

     “Holy Shit!” You sputtered, stumbling over your feet.

      Chan’s arm immediately wrapped around your waist, steading you as you tried to support yourself on the wall; eyes wide like saucers and mouth agape, utterly surprised by the scene you ran into so early in the morning. Hyunjin rubbed his eyes, dragged steps trying to bring him to the living room to check what startled you and Chan that much.

    “Holy shit!” He blurted out, suddenly looking awake. You would have laughed at him in other circumstances but right now you could only focus on Paris and Han sleeping together on the couch. Their bodies were covered with a thick blanket, and you could only hope for them to be fully dressed under there.

    Actually, that was kind of cute.

    As soon as the shock dissolved, you took in the scene. Though the blanket didn’t allow you to see much, you assumed Paris was lying right on top of Han, head resting on the crook of his neck. She nuzzled him, nose rubbing against his neck, which made him squirm a little bit, humming as he adjusted himself, probably hugging her under the sheets. You gave them a small smile, looking at Chan and Hyunjin with soft eyes.

    “Don’t look at me like this, you’re going to clean that couch if his butt touched my cushion” Chan hissed, arms untangling from your waist. He made his way to the kitchen, looking for something to eat “We don’t have anything for breakfast…” He sighed, looking at Hyunjin.

    “I didn’t think about it” He shrugged, and Chan pursed his lips, nodding in disappointment.

    “Of course you didn’t” He rolled his eyes, straightening himself and closing the refrigerator “I guess I’ll order something before we wake them up” He looked at you in doubt, wondering if it was a good plan. You frowned, looking at him in shock.

    “Why the fuck you’re going to order breakfast? Are you nuts?” You scoffed, studying your outfit. Sweatpants and an oversized T-shirt. Good enough to go get some stuff “I’m going to buy something real quick” You offered, heading to the door.

    “By yourself?” Hyunjin asked surprised. You arched your brow, looking at him in question “No, I mean… Shouldn’t one of us go with you? Actually, just let us order something, it’ll be way easier” He rambled. You sighed, rolling your eyes before looking at Chan.

     “I’ll be back in a min—“ Your answer was abruptly cut off by a startled Paris. She shrieked, floundering to lift her body, completely embarrassed by the situation. You assumed her attempt to lift her body wasn’t really gentle to Han’s torso, because he shut his eyes open, coughing and trying to move, startled by whatever was happening, which just served to drop Paris to the ground.

    She ended up dragging the blanket with her, uncovering Han to display a fully dressed boy with a damn hangover. He shoots his hand to his eyes, covering them in an attempt to make the light less painful, uncovering the next second to check what was the soft thud followed by a whine that reached his ears. He lifted himself just a little bit, looking to the ground, being greeted by a huge blanket covering something unknown to him.

    “What the actual fuck?” He muttered, covering his eyes again, trying to sit up. The whine came right away. He curled himself on the couch, bringing his knees closer to his chest and holding his head as he rested his forehead on his knee, utterly done with the day.

    Paris wasn’t much better.

    She got rid of the blankets, upset by her fall, a frown carved on her face. She cupped her temples, lips quirking down, another whine leaving her lips as she probably realized she had a hangover. She mimicked Han, curling up and shielding her eyes from the light.

    “Everything good?” You checked, and both of them hissed at you, complaining you were too loud. You sighed, looking at Chan “Do you happen to have some med?” You asked, feeling too young to be the mother of both of your friends. You glanced over at them, snorting as you studied their exact same antics, finding it kind of amusing.

   Chan made his way back to his room, going to look for some pills, and you stood there watching Han and Paris whining like kids. You chuckled before looking at Hyunjin, who seemed quite amused at the situation himself. You approached him, nudging his side.

   “They’re so gonna die of embarrassment later” You grinned, and this time he giggled, nodding and crossing his arm.

    “I’m not going to let them live it down” He promised.

                                                              ////

    “Well, that’s all for today” Mr.Lee announced, standing up before looking around the class. You closed your notebook, shoving it into your bag like everybody else, hoisting your bag over your shoulder to get up but sitting back as Mr.Lee raised his hand, asking silently for all of you to stay a little bit more “Before you all go, I want to ask for feedback about your essay. As you may know, it was the first time I gave you an essay like this, so… Well, I guess I want to hear you out”    

    “I think it was pretty invasive” Someone raised their hand, stiffly exposing their opinion “Also, we could have more time… It’s not exactly easy to put all your life in someone’s hand when you don’t know them” You nodded in agreement. Although you had ended up with Paris and Hyunjin, you could imagine how hard it was for the groups who didn’t know each other.

    Embarrassing, to say the least.

    “I agree” Someone else raised their hand, boldly crossing their arms right after, a challenging look across their face “How were we supposed to give all our lives to someone to discuss when we didn’t even know this person? We had two weeks to know one another… It’s not like we can just trust people like this” It was a good point. You looked at Mr.Lee, who hummed, nodding at the input.

   “I’ll admit that this was one of my goals” He said, thoughtfully grabbing his chin “The whole point was to put all of you on the spot, just like a patient feels when they go to therapy. I understand it’s hard… Also, in therapy, you have the law beside you stating the psychologist can’t spread your life around… But the vulnerability itself was my point” He seemed pleased with their discomfort, and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

   You never felt as vulnerable as you felt talking about yourself and your family issues with Paris. If that was the whole point, he did an amazing job embarrassing you all. You looked at Paris, narrowing your eyes as you pondered his arguments. Indeed, even if she was a “psychologist” to the project, she also had to put her story in both your hand and Hyunjin’s, so she was on spot too, even if she didn’t need to discuss it with you.

    There was no one to be saved there.

   “Let me ask you this… How many of our fake psychologists think they had a positive impact on your group?” He looked around and so did you. Some people raised their hands, including Paris, who smiled proudly, chest puffed out “Now, how many of you think that impact could replace a real therapy?” You looked around again.

    Not one hand raised.

    “Good, good” He said softly, nodding in approval “You aren’t psychologists and therapy is way different than this activity. I want you guys to understand that it’s hard to open up and you, as a psychologist, won’t be the only one studying what is right in front of you… Patients are logical and judging human beings like all of us. They can and will study you” He walked around, hands to his back, watching all of you “They know you are analyzing them and they will choose you based on something. It can be your empathy, it can be your responsiveness to them, it can be the apparent lack of judgment… It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that none of you are better than them, and the sooner you realize it, the better”

    You took in everything he said.

     He was good.

     “Lastly, who would consider going to a therapist after all the debates you guys did for this project?” You raised your hand immediately, looking around to see if anyone else would raise their hands. To your surprise, a lot of people did, such as Hyunjin, who didn’t seem too comfortable to raise it fully in the air, shyly letting his hand hover over his lowered head.

     Your eyes met Paris, hands rested on her lap.

     Really?

    Mr.Lee finally waved his hands dismissively, allowing all of you to go. You got up again, followed by Paris and Hyunjin – and all of your classmates, eager to just go anywhere else –, hoisting your bag over your shoulder and heading to the stairs. You risked a glance at Paris before clearing your throat.

    “No therapist?” You asked curiously, and she gave you an amused look, chuckling.

     “Why? Do you think I need it or something? I think I’m pretty well by myself” She sounded placid, her face totally at ease, as if she didn’t give much thought to your question. You shrugged casually studying your surroundings before returning your gaze to her.

     “Well, we all need someone to talk to” You said hesitantly, and she eyed you weirdly, ready to confront you. Before she could say anything, though, Hyunjin joined the conversation. He had a teasing smirk adorning his lips, a mischievous glint on his eyes warned both of you about his intentions.

     “She already has someone, right, Paris?” She rolled her eyes, groaning and throwing her head back as if she could ask God to take him away at any moment now “I just don’t know if they talk much… I’m sure as hell they cuddle a lot, though” You chuckled, shaking your head amused by him. Paris blushed, gaze fixed on the ground.

    “She won’t even say anything! I guess she just fell like this” You joked, getting an approving nod from Hyunjin. He looked proudly at you, glad to know you were going to join him in annoying her “I’ve heard you and Han have a project together this week” You grinned, making her scoff and push you lightly, holding the strap of her bag tightly before looking at you.

    “Yeah, I kinda told you that yesterday” She pointed out sarcastically “Really, guys… Will you ever let it go? I was drunk” She gave you her puppy eyes, which normally would have some effect on you but not today. You chuckled, nudging her too, smirking as you saw her pointed look at you, grumpily waiting for whatever you had to say.

  “Please!” You rolled your eyes “Even in your drunkest days you never woke up on top of me!” You accused, and she groaned again, clutching her cheeks and pulling them down. Hyunjin chuckled at her reaction before nudging her, pointing ahead to the stairs.

   “Oh, look! Boyfriend is waiting for you” He teased, pointing to Han, who waited for you on the stairs, nervously gripping his backpack’s straps. Paris shouted to get his attention out of habit, which just intensified your teasing until you got next to him. You and Hyunjin smirked at him as soon as you reached him, throwing him a suggestive look.

    “What’s up?” He tried to break the ice, blushing as his eyes darted between you and Paris before setting on Hyunjin “Is he going to stick with us from now on?” He asked displeased, and you were prepared to send Hyunjin away so you could head to the dining hall but Hyunjin interrupted you before you could say it.

    “Rude” He pointed out “As far as I remember, you came along to my house, and I even let you sleep on my couch with my girl” He joked. You and Paris chuckled, though she whined right after, knowing she wouldn’t be able to live it down so soon. Han seemed to blush harder─ which didn’t seem even possible─ and cleared his throat before grimacing at Hyunjin.

    “First of all, She’s not your girl” His tone was kinda threatening, and you had to fight back a smile as you glanced at a blushing Paris beside you “And what was I supposed to do? Let them with a dick like you?” He challenged, puffing his chest and trying to look more intimidating. Hyunjin scoffed at him, looking down at his eyes and grimacing.

   “I wasn’t the one who woke up drunk with someone on the couch” He sneered, stepping ahead to approach him, getting just a few inches away from Han “I don’t think you’re in any position to call me a dick” You darted your eyes between the two boys, worried. The tension built up to the point the four of you got silent, looking warily to each other, swallowing dry and clearing your throats once in a while.

    “You know what? We’re getting late to our lunch with Chan” You blurted out, locking your arm with Hyunjin’s, who gave you an astonished look. You gave a tight smile to your friends, ignoring the distressed look you got from Han and the confused frown Paris shot your way “See you guys later! Bye!” You waved your hand, dragging Hyunjin along with you hurriedly.

    “I’m sorry but what the fuck?!” Hyunjin looked at your arms locked, brows knitting together as he looked at them incredulously “I don’t recall Chan saying anything about a lun—“ You glanced back to make sure Paris and Han wouldn’t be looking at you, dropping his arm and interrupting him immediately.

    “I don’t want you guys to fight” You waved dismissively “Also, it’s better if they got some alone time together, don’t you think?” You snorted. He hummed in agreement, straightening up and peeking at you.

   “So… Where are we going to eat?” He asked curiously, shoving his hands on his pockets casually, tilting his head to observe you.

   “What do you mean?” You scoffed, arching your brows amused. He rolled his eyes, gesturing to the dining hall impatiently.

   “Well, Chan didn’t invite us to eat so I’m assuming you’ll eat somewhere else since your friends will be there” He wagged his hand, looking at you as if you were dumb. You nodded slowly, realizing he was right.

   “I didn’t really think it through” You admitted “I can go anywhere else, that’s not a problem… One day won’t make such a difference to my final budget” You shrugged, and he nodded back, uncomfortable. You arched your brow, nodding your head in question.

   “So… That’s it” He raised his hand to wave you goodbye, stiffly standing in front of you “See you around” And that being said, both of you parted your ways.

                                                                      ////

    Wednesday was a lonely day.

    By now, you were used to having lunch by yourself and go back home to enjoy your few hours before your shift. You always treasured these two hours. It was the time you had to stay in silence, peacefully laid down on your bed, or stressfully trying to put up with your assignments.

    Usually, you didn’t open the door to find Paris and Han on the couch, though.

    “Oh?” You let out, clearly confused. Han held the guitar to his torso, looking down to the strings as he thought about something, humming as he heard Paris mumble. They raised their heads slowly, looking at you froze on the doorframe “I didn’t know you were going to be here… I just came to…” Your eyes wandered around the room, spotting your book on the table “To pick this up” You walked over to the table, smiling awkwardly before getting your book.

    “You’re going out?” Paris asked surprised. Of course, she did. She knew you liked to stay in your room at this time, even if she wasn’t home. You always beamed about your alone time on Wednesdays. You took quick steps to the door, nodding before your eyes roamed around the room, struggling to focus on them and hide your nervousness.

    “Hm… Yeah! I’m actually… I’m meeting up a friend” You stumbled around your words, letting out a fake giggle “To… Lend him this!” You raised your book, finally finding something to say “He asked me this book and I totally forgot to take it with me! Yep! That’s right” You smiled proudly, waving at them “Bye! Take your time together! See you later” You said as you closed the door behind you.

    You stood there in front of the door, blinking a few times before letting a sigh out. God, you were horrible at lying! You glanced at the door, holding the book close to your chest and ready to go to the only place you could go now that you expelled yourself from your room: The garden. You absolutely loved to lay there on the grass, watching as squirrels and birds passed by, afraid to get close to you.

    You let out a sigh.

    Definitely not your plan for the day but it would work.

    You made your way to your destination, calmly walking through the halls ─looking at the garden as you walked beside the arches, hand sliding through the baluster as you felt the soothing breeze huff your face ─, watching the green grass and the yellow flowers that you liked so much. You smiled as you watched a squirrel pick up something from the ground, quickly moving to hide it somewhere else. When it reached the tree it was aiming at, your eyes fell upon the guy who was resting there.

    It was Hyunjin.

    He seemed absorbed in his book, which was pretty surprising as you never pictured him as the reader type. Especially not an under-the-tree-reader kind of a guy. He was laid down on the grass, earbuds on and backpack supporting his head; one leg bent while the other one was straight, giving him a relaxed and composed look. As the treetop danced around with the wind, the filtered sunbeam danced around him too, making it look like there was the perfect spot to read a book.

    You averted your eyes to look around the place, noticing a few more people than usual hanging there. It wasn’t hard to notice most of them were girls simply admiring him while he was reading, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes. As soon as you went down the stairs, finally getting to the grass, you made your way to him, ignoring the few pointed looks you received.

    “Hey, Hyunjin” You called but he didn’t answer.

    He must be really focused on his reading to not listen to your calling. You shadowed him, which appeared to get his attention, his startled eyes raising from the book to look at you. He took one of his earbuds out, hand hovering beside his ear as he held it, looking confused at you.

   “What are you doing here?” He asked surprised, raising his torso and sitting on the grass. He lifts his chin to look straight into your eyes, and you chuckled at his response.

    “Should I send you a warning every time I come to a public place?” You asked jokingly, and he let out a chuckle of his own, shaking his head in amusement. He closed his book mindlessly and you couldn’t help but be in stitches as you realized what happened right before your eyes.

    His phone slid from the book, and even though you couldn’t hear it, you could see the Drama playing on his screen. You covered your mouth, trying to muffle your laugh, and his eyes shot to his phone, cursing under his breath as he quickly took the phone from the ground, shoving it into his pocket. You pinched the bridge of your nose, squatting as you tried to recompose yourself, pointing out to his pockets.

    “I can’t…” You had to stop, gasping for air as you let another fit of laughter slip from your lips “… Believe you’re pretendi—“ Before you could end your sentence his hand shot to your mouth, cupping it. He jolted forwards, his other hand reaching for your nape so you wouldn’t go away from his grip and keep talking.

    “Shhh” He hissed, widening his eyes in a silent warning. You looked into his eyes, studying them until he realized what he was doing, letting go of you immediately. He looked away for a moment, seeming embarrassed before he shot you a smug look “Did you miss me or something?” He teased, and you rolled your eyes before sitting on the grass, legs crossed.

    “Yeah, that must be it” You scoffed, bracing yourself on your thighs “So…” You drew out, smirking as he looked at you annoyed, sensing you would mock him “Why are you here pretending to read… Political Science stuff?” You ended up confused, fixing the book so you could read its title.

    “Well, I’m a Political Science student” He pointed out as if it was obvious. You grimaced, flicking his book before nodding.

   “So you kinda should read it for real, hm?” You gave him a tight smile, and he snorted, nodding in agreement.

    “Okay, that’s fair enough” He shrugged “Just in case some Professor goes by… You know, I have to look smart to keep up my better-than-you facade” He smirked, expecting you to retort him or something but you just rolled your eyes again and pushed him lightly.

    “If you have the time to look like you’re better than me, you should start studying for real” You suggested, and this time he was the one who scoffed, tilting his head to the side before grinning obnoxiously.

    “Then I’d be way better than you and it would be too easy” He teased, grinning dissolving when you threw your head back groaning, making mention to get up. He grabbed your wrist, laughing “No, no, no! I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” He giggled, and you looked at him with narrowed eyes before settling back on the grass.

    “Well, what are you doing here after all?” You asked curiously, waving dismissively to his apologetic eyes. You liked to spend your time in the garden, so you’d know if he hung around your garden like this… You didn’t recall seeing him even once.

    “I come here on Wednesdays… I’m just waiting for my classes” He shrugged “What about you? I never saw you around here” He eyes you curiously, and you chuckled, hands going to the ground as you leaned slightly back, supporting yourself, straightening your legs.

    “I was going to rest before work but Paris and Han are at the dorms, so I figured I should leave them alone” You said, looking at him with a small smile. Hyunjin furrowed his brows, tilting his head to the side, confused. He waited for you to continue but you didn’t, so he frowned, deciding to speak up.

    “Okay?” He said warily “What about it?” You looked at him as if he needed a new brain, snorting before nudging him with your foot.

   “Well, They like each other so –“ Hyunjin interrupted you by chortling, looking at you as if you were a confused kid, fondly mocking you without a word. You tilted your head, confused by his reaction, waiting for his explanation.

    “You’re kidding, right?” He chuckled, looking at any signs of amusement on your face, which he didn’t find “No! Seriously?! It’s so damn obvious he likes you!” He seemed surprised by your obliviousness, and you laughed at his delusional self, shaking your head in amusement.

    “You’re crazy! He likes Paris for like… Years!” You retorted, rolling your eyes “Where did you even get that from?” You scoffed, and this time he leaned forward, legs crossed and hands fisting the grass lightly.

   “No, look… I’m sorry to break it to you but he likes you” He repeated himself, and you looked away in disbelief “No! Really! He doesn’t like Paris! Just think for a moment, Y/N! Why would he even come to punch me for thinking I made you cry?” He looked distressed, totally taken aback by the fact that you didn’t agree with him.

    “He’s my friend! Of course, he would get upset if he thought someone made me cry!” You rolled your eyes “He stands up for me and Paris all the time. It’s called friendship, Hyunjin” He scoffed, looking away before grimacing at you.

   “Okay, and why was he all riled up when we ate the hot dog that night?” He challenged. You frowned. Well… Apart from his worries about Hyunjin in general, Han didn’t really have a reason to get so upset “See? Deep down you know I’m right” He smiled triumphantly.

   “He acts differently when he’s around Paris” You retorted, crossing your arms. He rolled his eyes, sighing “I mean it! Did you see how he acts beside her?” You insisted eagerly.

   “Please… He acts differently when he’s around you” He arched his brows, as if to make his point, “That’s how he acts around you! Have you ever seen how he act around her when you’re not around? I mean it. He likes you.” He was serious, and for a moment you couldn’t take his words out of your mind.

   Was that how he acts around you not her?

   “Anyway… I don’t even know why I’m trying to make you understand it” He shrugged “It’s none of my business” He sighed, arching one brow, studying your flabbergasted expression “Though I think I made my point” He chuckled, and you shook your head.

   “No, you didn’t!” You blurted out; too eager “He likes her! He has to” You decided, settling with your previous beliefs “She likes him, you heard it yourself! And I’m sure he likes her back… They just need some alone time to get together” He sighed in defeat, giving up on the idea. As you prepared to get up, wondering where you should go to rest, he tilted his head, grabbing your wrist again. You looked down at him, and he bit his lips in doubt before speaking up.

   “Do you want to watch it together?” He asked, taking his phone out of his pocket “You can read your book too if you prefer… The tree is big enough for both of us” He smiled friendly, and you had to smile back. It was the first time he was being friendly without any suggestive or teasing remarks attached.

   “I’d love to” You nodded, crawling to the tree trunk, leaning against it. He laid down again, resting his head on his backpack and giving up on pretending to be studying, raising his phone right up his eyes, so he would be watching it in peace. You opened your book, prepared to re-read it since you had actually read it over the weekend, noticing as he glanced at you.

   “Is that book this good for you to prefer reading it instead of watching something?” He asked cautiously, and you smirked at him.

   “Yes, it is… I think you should try it” You offered, and he scoffed.

   “No way, I’m going to watch my Drama” He rolled his eyes.

   “We watch it together and then you read my book” You suggested “Then you have to be sincere about it! You can’t just decide your drama was better without trying to read it!” You looked at him accusingly, and he chuckled.

   “What is on for me?” He asked smugly, and this time you rolled your eyes to him.

   “The shame of being so wrong throughout your life that you should hide under a rock” You grimaced, making him laugh “Or maybe I’m the one who should hide under a rock…” You let the sentence hanging in the air, and he smiled confidently.

   “Deal” He agreed. You closed the book, resting it on his stomach as you laid down, resting your head on your hand, elbowing the grass.

[sicloudlifting]

Underrated Self Care Items to Lift

Okay so I was talking on Peach about how I hate that I only ever see the stereotypical self care items like haircare, skincare, makeup, etc. So, I decided to make a list of things to lift to care for yourself that isn't just the usual lotions and lipstick. This can be for people with mental illness or neurotypicals who just aren't that good at participating in self care. Alright, here we go.

A water bottle. If you have a really nice water bottle you're way more likely to drink water, it's a proven fact. I take several medications with side effects of dehydration but for some reason I very rarely feel thirsty so I am chronically dehydrated. Honestly if you feel like shit one day and can't figure out why drink some water and see if you feel better. I always feel so icky when I don't drink enough water. I've even seen smart water bottles that you can connect to your phone. If you don't like regular water, lift some of those Mio water flavoring bottles, or some fruit to make infused water.

Nutritious foods. Grocery hauls are becoming way more of a thing on liftblr which I love to see because there's only so many clothes and so much makeup you really need and can use. Lift some fancy nutritious food from like Whole Foods or something. I mean how hard is it to slide a couple of organic bananas into your bag? Some granola? A bar or vegan and ethically sourced dark chocolate? Whatever man just lift a nutritious snack to eat during your self care time.

Socks. I feel like socks are a pretty common lift but just in case you weren't thinking about it. I like those really thick and cushiony old man socks lmfao, they're so comfy to wear around the house especially if you've just put some lotion on your feet.

Nail polish. I feel like this is also common to lift, but if you haven't thought about it, consider it. Taking a little time to paint your nails garuntees you won't be doing anything for awhile, and gives you an excuse to just sit around while your nails dry. Plus it's fun, simple, and I feel like everyone feels a little more put together with their nails painted.

A really nice robe. Getting a really nice robe to just wear around the house or after you leave the shower is heavenly, truly. Imagine stepping out of the shower freshly shaved, moisturizing with a thick nice smelling body butter, and then sliding into a silk robe? The vibes.

Comfy pajamas. I always just wear old t shirts and boxers at my house, but consider lifting some cute and soft pajamas. How you dress is directly related to how you feel, so even if no one is going to see you that day it never hurts to dress up a little for yourself. I don't recommend anything sexy and lacey, just some simple, soft, comfortable PJ's to lounge around in.

House slippers. I honestly hate having things on my feet, I like my toes to be free. But if you've got carpet like me, walking around barefoot absolutely sucks the moisture out of your feet and leaves you with cracking, crusty heels. Gross. You could always just wear the aforementioned comfy socks, but having a designated pair of fluffy house slippers is just the height of luxury.

Foot care in general. Face and body care gets all the hype, especially on liftblr. But, feel get neglected asf by almost everyone. Do you know how luxurious it is to give yourself a good pedicure at home and have soft, smooth feet? I lifted myself a Pedi Perfect (one of those motorized foot files) and it's life changing especially if you're like me and your feet are just the gross neverending callous. Get some nice toe nail nippers, some foot cream, a pumice stone, whatever. Your life will never be the same.

Tea and coffee. Stop buying cheap af tea and coffee when you can lift the good stuff. Get the bags of Starbucks coffee beans, steal a French press, get some loose leaf tea, whatever. Just get the good shit ffs I never see y'all lifting tea.

Plants. Obviously don't lift plants if you don't think you can care for them, and ofc you can't fit a huge ass shrub in your bag, but taking a few succulents home won't hurt. Some people find that caring for something else, like a pet, makes them feel better. If you don't have a pet, try a plant! Plus being around a lot of plants always lifts my mood, especially in these dreary winter months.

Vitamins. Lift some good quality hair skin and nail vitamins, pre natal vitamins, or even just a multi. Getting some extra nutrients that you may not get from your diet can't hurt. Also, speaking of the dreary winter months, a lot of people suffer from seasonal depression. This can actually be caused by a lack of vitamin D! Lift some vitamin D and take it in the winter, it might keep you from feeling sad and tired. If you get dizzy when you stand up too fast, get cold easily, or are easily fatigued, you might also be deficient in iron. Obviously get any of those symptoms checked out by a doctor, but it won't hurt you to lift some iron pills and see if they make you feel a little better. A pretty reliable sign that you aren't getting enough iron is if your nail beds have a pale or bluish tint. Finally, try some St. John's Wart. It's an herbal supplement that has been shown in recent studies to help relieve mild depression symptoms. If you have major depressive disorder, obviously an herbal supplement won't be quite as good as a real antidepressant. But, if you suffer from mild mood problems or need help feeling a little calmer, try this. Before you try any of these supplements please READ THE WARNINGS and TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. If you don't have access to a doctor right away at least GOOGLE if these supplements interact with any other medications you are taking, I know that the St. John's Wart in particular can be tricky.

An aromatherapy diffuser and essential oils. Idk if I believe in aromatherapy completely, but it's pretty hard to feel shitty when you have the gentle smell of citrus essential oil wafting around your room, I'm just saying.

A salt lamp. Apparently the salt lamps are supposed to "cleanse your atmosphere". Again, not 100% buying it, but they are soooo pretty and I use mine as a nightlight because it gives off a soft orange glow. It's apparently better to use a red-tinted light at night if you have to have one because it won't keep you up. You can even lift tiny salt lamps that plug into the outlet just like a night light.

A notebook/journal and pens. Sometimes writing about your feelings makes you feel a bit better. You can also get art supplies and express yourself that way, or get a planner and organize your life to reduce stress related to a busy schedule.

Okay so this is all I can think of for now but please please PLEASE reblog with any of your suggestions! I've been thinking about the kinds of things I can get to take care of myself better, and everyone just says face masks and stuff. I have hella face masks, and I don't feel any better lmfaooo.