#really almost every meal we've made in the past week and a half has been off-the-hook good

[rustbeltjessie]

We’ve been making some amazing dinners in my house recently, and rather than spam your dashboard with individual posts for each meal, I decided to do a compendium.

Top row:

1. vegetarian calzones (cheese and sauce, plus mushrooms, spinach, fresh tomatoes, and fresh garlic) with a side salad

2. Thai green curry, and spring rolls (with radishes from our garden inside!)

Second row:

1. Southwest burger (chili lime aioli, guacamole, grilled peppered bacon, tomato, grilled red onion, roasted poblano and serrano peppers, pepper jack cheese) and corn on the cob

2. homemade ravioli (filled with ricotta, lemon zest, mushrooms, and asparagus) topped with homemade vodka sauce, served with bread, Italian sausage, and salad

Third row (all from the same evening):

1. mint julep

2. the first harvest of mustard greens from our garden

3. Carolina-style BBQ chicken, biscuits, greens (made with the greens from our garden!), mac and cheese (with bacon, green onions, sharp cheddar, and smoked gouda)

Bottom row:

1. grilled porterhouse steak, grilled asparagus, loaded baked potato

2. grilled quesadillas (cheese, chicken, black beans, jalapeños) and elote-inspired corn

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

I know it might not seem like much but mom having a place to walk to daily, that isn't just a bathroom, has had results! She's disabled and her need for a cane has gotten worse and worse over the past half-decade. BUT, she would still try to stay as mobile as possible in the meantime. While homeless for almost 2 full years, she was confined to a bed in a small room, or stuck in the van most of the time, unable to go anywhere or get in steps.

She deals with chronic pain on top of it all, whether she sits too long or walks too long.

But ever since we've gotten into a house, she's made an effort to walk into the kitchen several times a day even if only to get some water. She's been helping cook, usually spear-heading dinners half the time with me as a support.

This week, she's been able to walk from one side of the kitchen to the other without even using her cane.

Getting those steps in every day, as often as possible, is really helping. Being able to eat balanced meals for the most part, is really helping. And they seem like such small things to celebrate, but for us it's a big positive after everything that's happened since our eviction back in 2016.

[btsxmalereaders]

1:31 AM

Pairing: Im Jaebeom x male reader

Genre: angst

☆ Requested

Word Count: 2,08k

🎵 잘 지내야해 1:31 AM

[I am always drowned in the thoughts of you. I get exhausted from crying, but I look for traces of you again...]

The patter of the rain hitting the window has been the only thing that has set the gloomy place for the last couple of hours.

The catheter placed with an uncomfortable sticky tape on the back of your hand feels heavier and heavier. Your eyelids shutting even when you try to keep them open. You're tired despite only spending all the time laying on that stretcher.

Some nurses come from time to time to make sure you're comfortable and you only nod tightly to the questions they make; a routine that you don't have the energy to hate.

Of course, not all days are like this. Sometimes you wake up in a good mood and the personnel would take you out to the small garden behind the hospital, pulling your wheelchair since you're still weak, but it is still something. You would smile and take the sun on good days like those, and if a familiar visited,  they would bring you your painting tools for you to clear your head and have a good time.

But you haven't had good days, lately.

Your friends called you constantly and, when you had enough energy to respond, you tried to put your best smile for them.

You didn't see it as a bad thing, though. They didn't need to know that you were going through thick.

But there was someone you couldn't lie to.

"The receptionist told me 'You can see your fiancé now.'" Jaebeom says as he walks towards you, placing a cute bouquet of flowers on the small table next to you. He looks stunning and always walks in with the hugest smile on his face to greet you. Probably to lift up your mood, too. "Was that an insinuation?"

You can't help but giggle at that, "Maybe. But also they wouldn't let you in if I said you were only my boyfriend. And I don't want to keep this lie."

"Then I better hurry up, right?" He smiles, placing a kiss on your forehead and dragging the chair next to you, taking seat as he grabs your hand tightly. "As soon as you are discharged, I'll put a ring on your finger. I promise."

You keep the big smile to him and cup his cheek with your free hand, being careful because of the catheter. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you so much more," He murmurs. His semblance suddenly changing. "We've been really busy with the tour now that it is starting soon, I'm sorry. I wish I could see you everyday."

"It's okay, love. I understand."

A silence sets in after that. Jaebeom closes his eyes and enjoys your touch for a moment while you observe him in detail; every mole, every mark on his skin, his warm breath against your wrist and his grip on your hand, as if he would never want to let you go.

When he opens his eyes again they're full of tears. You don't even recall when was the last time you've seen him cry.

"Why are you crying? What's wrong?" You ask, sliding your thumb across his cheek to erase every trace of tears falling down.

"I'm sorry," Jaebeom softly whispers. "I hate that I can't do anything else for you."

You sigh, bringing him closer and moving a little, making a space for him to cuddle with you. "Come here. Don't cry."

He does as told, hiding his face in the crook of your neck, calming his nervousness with heavy breaths. It breaks your heart to see him like this.

Your boyfriend gets to calm himself as minutes pass by, with the help of your hand tracing circles on his back, and sweet words whispered to his ears.

You two get to talk properly afterwards, telling each other about how your days have been, although Jeobeom did most of the talk and you only listened, occasionally commenting about it and also asking about your friends.

"As usual, the boys send you greetings and hugs, but only I get to do that, right?" He chuckles, kissing your forehead for the nth time and making you blush. "They might even pop up at the videocall tonight since we'll be rehearsing."

"That's good, don't tell them I said this, but I actually miss seeing their faces and hearing their voices everyday."

Jaebeom laughs at that. "No wonder why I see Bambam sending you voice notes all the time."

A nurse comes back a moment later to let you know that the visiting hours is now over, so Jaebeom stands up and kisses you goodbye, "Don't forget that-"

"-we have a date. For dinner at half past eight. As we do almost every night. Of course I won't forget."

He smiles at you and kisses you again. "And that I love you."

"I love you too." You murmur with a smile and see him walk out of the room.

The nurse changes the serum, as usual, and you only stare at her, not knowing if you should ask...

"Is everything alright, ____?" She asks.

You've known her for a while now, it's almost as if you two were friends, but still, you were still undecided about something that has been in the back of your head for a couple of days.

"Noona, could you do something for me?"

GOT7's tour was about to kick off two weeks after that visit, although it wasn't the last one. Jaebeom did make sure to visit you whenever he could; after rehearsing or even skipping his time to have meals to rush in to the hospital -thing that you obviously scolded him for, but he promised he would get something in his way back-. He also made sure to show you clips of the rehearsals and some videos with messages from the boys for you, which you truly loved.

However, even if that lifted your spirits, it wasn't enough to make you feel better from the terrible days you've had. Not only you couldn't move and hang out as you did weeks ago, but you were feeling so weak that most of the time you would spend it sleeping. In one of Jaebeom's visit you two were talking until you fell asleep, and next thing you know he was saying goodbye again with a worried expression on his face.

And the worst thing is that you didn't have to be a genius to know the reason why. The disguised words you heard from your doctor were enough confirmation for you to know what was about to come.

And you definitely weren't ready for it.

"So? You got good news for me?" You ask the nurse once you see her entering the room.

She tilts her head and sees the hope shining in your eyes, despite looking so small and weak. "Yes. I talked with the doctors and they gave the authorization."

And that was enough for you to feel happy for the rest of the day.

"Are you sure you are okay?"

Unlike other days, today you have woken up happy and eager to go out. You suppose it is normal because you have anxiously waited for this day to come

You nod as an answer and the nurses carefully help you to get ready. 

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You weren't even sure how did the idea come to mind, but you were really determined to do it. And as you get in the van, you quickly send a message to Jinyoung to let him know that you were on your way there.

You've thoroughly planned all this; after all, it was a surprise for Jaebeom.

Of course he couldn't believe his eyes. He froze in his place while the boys almost ran to hug you; Jinyoung pushing the chair behind you and telling them to be careful, but you were too happy to even care about the bone crushing hugs you were receiving. It was all you wanted.

Jaebeom walks slowly to you and gives you a hug when they're done, letting out a sigh he didn't even know he was holding.

"Really? H-how did you even- Are you okay?" He asks, concerned, to which you laugh and nod.

"I'm good, hyungie. The doctor allowed it and I've been wanting to see you out of the hospital." You murmur, holding his hands. "And what kind of boyfriend and ahgase I'd be if I didn't attend your first concert of this new tour?"

They all seem very happy because they haven't seen you in a long time, so it's not surprising that everyone is around you all the time in backstage, asking you lots of questions and updating you on everything that happened since the last time they saw you, although no big news since you're used to chat and videocall them quite often.

While they are fascinated to have you there, Jaebeom seems to be more quiet and with a worried expression, indecipherable. You wonder if he knows or at least suspects about the reason behind it.

The concert finally starts and after more worried looks from your boyfriend, you decide to see from the first row the entire show. Even Yugyeom got you a lightstick for you to cheer them up, and Jaebeom stressed that whatever you needed you could ask anyone from the staff.

It goes pretty well, and you didn't feel uncomfortable or bad at all, but that didn't stop your boyfriend from making sure you were indeed okay every time he could; approaching the side of the stage right where you stayed and nodding in your direction from time to time, and the fans close to you were respectful and careful with your space.

Jaebeom gets somewhat sentimental while performing some songs, and when he stares back at you, you know it. He knows it.

So the first thing he does when the concert is over and gets to backstage is kneel in front of you and cry on your lap.

The boys don't understand the situation, but they leave you two alone for a moment, thinking that maybe their leader was too emotional tonight.

"What are you hiding from me? What have the doctors said?" He gets to babble while the tears are covering his face.

You're hurt from seeing him crumble like this in front of you, so you cry too, holding his hands and tracing circles on their back, trying to calm him down.

"Nothing you don't already know," You say. "You've seen me. I'm not doing well, and... I just had this feeling, I had to see you again, one last t-"

"No." He stops you. The lump on his throat making it harder to speak. "Don't say that. Please."

"Hyung, I'm sorry." You murmur, now caressing his back and placing a kiss on his head. "Please forgive me."

Before going back to the hospital, you say goodbye to your friends, who seem to now be understanding of the situation, but being too shocked to even say anything about it. They hug you more and try to lift the mood making lighthearted jokes that genuinely make you laugh.

Jaebeom doesn't want to separate from you anytime; he's either holding your hand or leaving kisses all over your face, letting you sleep on over his chest on your way back and whispering words to your ears.

"I'll come to see you again later today, alright?" He promises as you lay on the bed and get comfortable. "Sleep for now. I'll be here when you wake up."

He kisses you with so much love, not knowing it was the last time he would do it.

He didn't expect to receive that heartbreaking call that soon.

Just when he was getting ready to see you, he received the news, and he couldn't stop crying and shaking for a long moment. His friends were there, trying to calm him and themselves down; hurt by hearing they've just lost you and feeling so wrecked and weak. 

Naturally, the next shows were postponed, which raised suspicions and fear among the fans, who saw you just a few hours ago.

Jaebeom has never felt this empty and pained.

A part of him ruthlessly ripped away.

He can’t believe it,

That when he opens his eyes you won't be next to him.

Even if those memories make it hard on him,

It’s on his head again.

Even if he clears out all those memories,

He will always be drowned in the thoughts of you.

[romanceandnothingelse]

Paris, France.

10:43 pm

Dear Alice,

Its been twelve years since Renesmee was born. Twelve years since I married Edward. Twelve years in the face of forever.

If I were still to age I would be thirty now.

It's strange to think of such an amount of time both short in the reality of my having forever, and so long and everything I had feared such a short time ago. In three days time comes my worst nightmare. My thirty-first birthday. Edward tells me that I shouldn't count, but how can I not when I look at my life now, and see in it what could have been. What could have been if Edward had his way and made me age and get old. What could have been if I got to this day naturally and saw myself as a grown woman, standing next to my husband who looks seventeen. My husband who will look seventeen forever as I would have died a little each day slowly watching the creases on my face deepening.

Oh, Alice. I'm sorry. the trouble with letter writing instead of emailing is there's no way to undo what you've written- except for scrapping the whole thing and starting over, but I won't do that, you've waited long enough for my reply.

I haven't told Edward about your letter, and you know he wouldn't be happy with you if he knew in advance, but I think it's a good idea. I haven't seen Renesmee since she and Jacob visited two months ago. I still can't get used to the idea of my daughter being with my old best friend. But luckily I've got the rest of my life-which will never end- to come to terms with it. I've missed them while we've been here. I hate not seeing her so much but what can we do? Jacob lives with his pack and Renesmee is wherever he is. But maybe it's for the best, the less I have to see them together the less I have to think about what exactly that means.

I'm looking forward to seeing the old house again after so long. I hope you've stocked the kitchen for Renesmee, I've missed you all so much, Edward has too, despite what he'll say when he sees you all. We'll see you in a few days. But you already know that.

  

All my love,

                   Bella

Returning to our townhouse after sending my letter, I found Edward where he had been sat for the past 3 days straight; bent over the grand piano in our 'living room'. Without much need for typical human comforts we kept pretences for just that. Pretences.

Drawing closer I sat beside him on the small bench and tapped his arm gently. Nothing. I rolled my eyes; we needed to be back home at Faulks in two days, but he was completely absorbed in the new piece he was writing.

"Edward." I cleared my throat, raising my eyebrows.

He doesn't even know I'm here right now. I sighed, heading into the kitchen to resume by activities of the past week. Authentic Italian cooking. Every year since I became a vampire I've taken up a new interest and this year I was inspired by one of my moms old cooking books. She, of course never used it, or any other cooking book but when Edward and I 'vacationed to Italy' after we were married she gave me an old book full of Italian recipes when we returned. And so, after falling in love with the recipes I decided I wanted to be able to perfect them in the real Italian way; installing everything I needed into our modest French townhouse and buying every cookbook I found, and lastly being tutored by an Italian chef. It's been amazing. But I missed being able to cook for the people I loved who could actually enjoy it. Renesmee left too soon, I sighed to myself, but was gently consoled by the fact I was going to give Charlie a shock when I got home with a proper Italian meal for him and Sue. I couldn't wait.

After practicing my signature dish- which I was told by the locals was 'très magnifique'- I followed the music coming from the living room and found Edward, perfectly content, leisurely playing a composition I'd never heard before.

"You're done?" I asked.

He turned from where he was sat and looked at me serenely, his gentle smile slowly turning into the one reserved only for me.

"Yes." He smiled softly, rising to meet me.

"Would you like to know what it's called?"

"What?" I grinned, throwing an arm around his neck as he leaned down to meet me.

"I don't know yet." He confessed in a whisper.

I laughed, "Well, you can think about it on the way to Faulks." I said as I watched his face intently for his reaction.

To my surprise, he frowned and the rest of his features softened, eyes straying from my own, wonderingly.

"That's a good idea." He said slowly. "Yours?" He asked.

Oh god. I don't want to lie to him but...

"Yes." I tried to smile without wincing, but somehow I didn't think it would escape his notice.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Alice's?"

I straightened my already unnaturally straight back (vampire posture had me looking more graceful than I could ever feel. In this life or my human one), and looked him in the eyes challengingly.

"No." I said firmly. "My idea. It's almost my birthday and I want to go home for it. I want to see our family again."

A half truth. I thought to myself. An omission isn’t really a lie.

He arched an eyebrow casually down at me, obviously seeing through me, but pressing no further.

"I've packed for both of us already. You were busy." Thankfully.

"Okay," He said, dropping the subject before taking my hand and leading me to the piano. "Let me play for you before we leave."

"But we're not leaving until tomorrow." I objected instinctively. "Wait no." I laughed, "that doesn't matter.” I shook my head, smiling up at him. “Play for me." I corrected myself, sitting on the chaise opposite him where he sat at the piano.

He smiled and rolled up his sleeves and read from the creased papers standing tall above the keys.

"Pour toi, mon amour." He said softly as he began to play the most beautiful melody I had ever heard. It reminded me of one of my favourite chopin pieces he would play for me... something in E flat. I sat perfectly still with my eyes closed as he played, hearing his fingers stroking the keys, the quiet movements underneath the music adding something much more intimate to the practice.

As he stilled to a close, I opened my eyes only as I felt him beside me.

"That was beautiful." I breathed.

"I'm glad you like it." He murmured. "It was written for you."

"The next thing I take up after my Italian kitchen ventures, will be something that will benefit you." I promised. "This isn't fair, you being so perfectly considerate and me...learning to cook in a household where nobody has any need to actually eat food."

"Just because I don't need to eat food doesn't mean I don't enjoy whatever you make." He said softly. "And for your information... just you being here... just your existence alone... benefits me. I don't need anything else."

My heart fluttered as he slowly smiled down at me. I looked into his eyes and I blushed as I realised this was never going to get old. I was going to keep feeling like a teenager hopelessly in love forever. And, to my embarrassment, forever in our world really meant forever.

[hashtagsmitty]

Smitty's Thailand Adventure - Day 5

Jesus God and Christ Almighty, this platform and this web connectivity and this city. This is the third time I've tried to write and post this entry. I wrote one that I tried to upload all night last night, using up half of my remaining bandwidth. The tumblr app kept saying "something went wrong, we'll try again in a few minutes." except every time it tried again, it uploaded the images and video again. Then I wrote another one this morning, same issue. Damn it.

My solution to the problem is to save every post as a draft before I post it, and include fewer photos. I'll put everything in a big album if anyone wants to look at it later.

Anyway. I woke up with a nosebleed at 5:30. I felt a runny nose; I wiped it with my hand, still runny, I blew my nose into my hand, big splatter of blood. Thankfully, it sealed off pretty quick, but nosebleeds always wipe me out for a few hours. I cleaned up the blood and went back to sleep.

Breakfast at Pauline Hanson's One Nation and White Family Mart. Josh showed me an upstairs area I didn't know existed the day before, so I ate up there and planned out the day. I eventually decided to walk around Emporium for a while.

On my skytrain line (the Sukhumvit line, which is the bigger of the two lines) there are two stations with huge shopping centers attached. The one next to my station is Emporium, which is split into two smaller parts, Emporium and Emquartier. Emquartier is split into 3 Quartiers, each of which I can't tell you the names of but they're all sufficiently fruity. They're all about as big as the Emporium in Melbourne. It's a huge complex. The other shopping center, Siam, is even bigger though.

I walked around there for a while. I noticed two things:

There were way too many people working. The place was deserted, but every store was open with stacks of employees. There are too many people employed by EVERY Thai business as a rule, but this took the cake. I saw a travel agency with 7 people working. No clients. In every elevator, there was a bell boy pushing buttons. Every restaurant we've been in this week has at least 3 people standing around doing nothing. It's insane!

Consumerism - the amount of shit being sold as high-end is crazy. The aspirational class in this country is REAL. It's such a trip to go from relative poverty to extreme displays of wealth on the same street.

Anyway. I found this cool garden space upstairs and hung out there for a while. Awesome views of the city, and really peaceful. Except, in classic Asian style, there's an arcade in there and they're blaring pop music.

I eventually sat down in a food court and read some more Growth Mindset. Josh texted me eventually and I headed out on the skytrain. We met up and walked our lunch destination - a cheesy 50s American diner. Espy met us there a few minutes after we arrived.

The decor was almost there - like 80% of the details were there. The windows were too high, the lighting was off, some of the neon was broken... But pretty good. The food was okay.

We spent most of the meal chatting. Espy is sick and Josh was giving her shit for not taking her antibiotics. They decided to get some from a pharmacist first chance they got. Pharmacists in Asia will sell you anything - there's no regulation and no requirement for a prescription from a doctor. Josh buys his testosterone treatments (some hormonal imbalance, not juicing) over the counter. It's odd.

During the meal, it was decided that I had to experience the movies in Thailand. And sadly, the only thing worth watching was Bumblebee. We caught the skytrain to Siam. Siam is the fancy shopping center - if Emporium is Melbourne Central or Highpoint, Siam is Crown Casino. We went to the cinema and sat down during the advertisements because Espy thought it'd be faster to use the escalators, even though we used the lifts to get to the cinema when we did VR there. We walked past the lifts on our way in. Come on.

The movie and ads were in English, with Thai subs. Subtitles don't distract me, so no worries. Before the movie started they played a video honoring the king. The king is youthful and vibrant, and a paragon of masculinity. Long may he rule. Of course, one cannot forget his father the late king, who sadly passed two years ago. He was a beacon of wisdom and justice and led Thailand through many years of prosperity.

We all had to stand up during the video to show respect. Espy nudged me as they were all standing up.

The movie was a movie. It had characters. Some of them developed. There were emotional moments and silly moments. The acting and CG were actually pretty good, but it was a transformers movie. The fights were boring, predictable, and definitely didn't matter. The male love interest got told at the end of the movie, when he went to hold the protagonist's hand, that they weren't quite ready for that yet. But she also took his shirt off while Bumblebee was driving for them, so I don't know what to make of that. Partial nudity must be first base and hand holding is second, in this new topsy turvy world.

After the movie we did some window shopping, looking mostly at technology stuff. Espy wanted a PS4 - it cost $600 over here. Josh said he'd get her one from Australia. We walked past some Pokemon plushies and I went to look at them. There was a giant Lapras plushie and one of my new students says he loves Lapras, so I had an excuse. I still got laughed at by a pair or passing teenaged girls.

We got back on the train after buying nothing. It was pretty packed, I could barely move, but Josh insisted that it wasn't nearly as bad as peak time. Josh had to meet with Bill to discuss business, so I got off at my stop and went back into the Emporium. There was a Nandos knock-off that I wanted to try.

It was my first time negotiating a restaurant on my own in Thailand. The only Thai I've managed to work out is thank you - K̄hxbkhuṇ khrạb. I've been saying it as Cap hoon cap, and I'm not 100% sure that's right. At lunch me and Josh were deliberately mispronouncing stuff, but I'm pretty sure that's right. Anyway, I used a combination of English and gestures and managed to get through alright. The chicken was ok, but the waitress messed up my order and got me spicy rice instead of chips, so no comment there.

I went home and started typing this the first time. Bloody tumblr.

Oh! A massage girl acknowledged me on the street! Two in fact. One said "hello", and another made kissy noises at me. I ignored them both, but it was nice to be validated like that.