#recently ive found my people on there and its more fun to talk abt them if someone actually replies instead of screaming into the void

[lanshappycorner]

Recently I've been kinda quiet on here and it's not that I don't like byakusho enough to talk abt it its just that 90% of my brainpower is spent rambling on twt......sorry 💔

[boydepartment]

ive noticed you tend to apologise a lot when youre tired and taking a break 😅 you shouldnt do that. youre a human, of course you'd feel tired sometimes. hope youre taking enough rest and recovering soon, no pressure to take and accept requests.

im sorry your interview went weird, but its good you pulled back the moment you found it sketchy. hopefully youd get a chance to accomplish your dream sometime soon in the future! take care jayjay

-🎄

hi it’s okay 🎄 anon :) i’m gonna use your ask to talk abt something if that’s okay, this isn’t @ you, i pinky promise.

i’m gonna be honest after valentine’s day i might just leave this account ? i don’t think ill delete anything but i just can’t be on tumblr or read any of the content i used to. i talked about it a bit a couple days ago i just want to elaborate more.

it makes me really just idk :/ i don’t like the community at all anymore and it’s been declining my mental for a bit. i love enha and all my people in the different groups i like, but i really really hate how some ppl write them and it just freaks me out REALLY bad. ESPECIALLY RIKI. like fuck some of you guys are so weird bruh…. and shameless. like you have no respect and don’t even on the “it’s not that serious.” you’re fucking weird. period. there’s no reason to make some of the shit you guys say public at all.

it’s been talked abt more recently how dubcon and dark fics are more common now and i can’t keep scrolling past it and seeing it. it freaks me out that people will write about actual people like that especially someone who lived at the receiving end of abuse like that. why would you want someone you love to be put in the situation of the abuser? like it doesn’t click to me and sometimes even scrolling past and seeing the tags and send me into a bad episode so i just can’t anymore. i don’t know how people think that’s okay to push their coping mechanism that’s darker and extremely damaging on an actual HUMAN BEING. coping mechanism or not that’s fucking weird. they may be idols but they are human beings too.

i’ve also had a few asks in my anon that are just straight up rude, demanding, or calling me weird for liking riki at all? like you are attacking the wrong girl i have nothing but respect for him. those anons are just stressing me out aswell and it’s just too much. i’m exhausted constantly being disrespected. tumblr is supposed to be a platform where i can get away and get lost in lighthearted stories and it’s not that for me anymore.

i might come back after i leave on valentine’s day but i need time to actually enjoy kpop like i used to. the fans are ruining it for me and it’s just been making me really depressed. i can’t even go on tiktok sometimes because of the fan bases. i’ve always been very open with you guys and like, i need to pull back from these fan bases and take care of myself. i barely eat, sleep, or enjoy anything anymore(that’s due to offline stuff but being on tumblr doesn’t help any of that at all). i miss having fun and the communities are ruining it.

[whenwillderekhalebehappy]

so i just started playing fallout 4 ,,, here are my preliminary opinions

- lame storyline, i don't want to be married heterosexual. idc abt this fuckass baby either.

- fr tho, it feels like the devs just chose the most generic backstory they could think of so they could get that part out of the way. it's not interesting or good. moreover, if that actually happened to a person, they'd be traumatized and terrified, not running around looking for guns and stimpaks. like, it feels like my character doesn't even give that much of a shit that this happened. like ooh the world ended, my wife was murdered, my infant child was kidnapped, it is 200 years in the future, but yeah no i don't have any questions, ill just roll with it. LAZY WRITING!

- also: how does the survivor know that his baby is still alive. the story has him frozen, unfrozen to witness murder and kidnapping, frozen again and then unfrozen to start the game. how am i supposed to know when that kidnapping happened? like yeah it could've been recent but it could also have been 100 years ago.

- upon exiting the vault you immediately start like 11 quests. why?? for what reason?? i just got here??

- do not love that feral ghouls will just lay on the ground waiting for you to get close enough so they can attack you. 1. its annoying, you get ambushed every time. 2. why would they be doing that, are they sleeping? waiting? doesnt make sense for them to be doing either of those things. they're feral, they wander around attacking whatever comes near them, they don't lie down and wait for prey, thats just ,,, not how they work?

- i especially dont like that the ghouls also dont show up as hostile on the little navigation bar until they get up. the whole point of that is so i know if there's hostiles in the area. if all the hostiles just sneak up on you, there's no reason to look at it.

- the fact that you can just max out your SPECIAL stats kinda defeats the purpose of those stats. the point is that it allows you to pick strengths and weaknesses for your character, instead of it being skills you can learn. it adds difficulty and personalization.

- i genuinely don't like the "improved" graphics. maybe its because my pc is shitty and i have to run low quality, but i cant see shit. especially all the harsh shadows make it really hard to gauge depth and to see things on the ground (like feral ghouls waiting to attack you).

- why is VATS under Q. thats dumb

- follow up: why are we now using the enter key and arrow keys in addition to wasd. let me keep my hand on the mouse instead of constantly having to switch (update: after 10 hours in-game i found out you can also press E, still stupid)

- why cant i just go up to people and ask them shit. why do i have to wait until they want to talk to me.

- i do like the whole settlement building thing. ive been having more fun with that than anything else tbh

- it is nice that you can make radaway and you dont have to rely on scavenging or bartering for it

- they are harsh on the raiders. like i get that they're enemies but labelling them 'raider scum' is a bit much. like thats still a person.

- in the intro thing they say war never changes at least 3 times. i get it. dont overdo it.

- also in the intro, they just say the US ended ww2 by dropping the bombs on hiroshima and nagasaki which is a VERY BOLD statement about history.

- i've barely encountered anyone who's nice. ive met preston and his friends but beyond that its basically been nothing but raiders. where are the friendly npc's? it makes the whole world feel hostile and empty

- the variety of weapons and mods is ,, actually a little too much. i don't know the difference between a pistol and a revolver, let alone what a receiver is. the game kind of expects you to just , understand what all these things mean and how to best modify your weapons. I don't. i barely know what i'm supposed to be looking at. "um yeah i definitely prefer the hardened enhanced glowsighted tempered auto pipe revolver pistol over the hardboiled standardized incendiary double barreled shotgun rifle" <- statement dreamed up by the utterly deranged

- recently encountered super mutants, why do they yell at you that they are super mutants. i know that. i mean, the character technically doesn't since no one's bothered to explain all the new creatures to him, but still.

anywho, ive only been playing for a week or so, so there might be more redeeming qualities later on. but so far im not very impressed

[theonetrueyeet]

spider ramble... particularly about false widows

in a Mood™ abt spiders currently, ESPECIALLY false widows. been going back over my arachnid section of the invertebrate module bc i have exams soon and its late and im frustrated abt how false widows get portrayed by the media and percieved by the british public... this is gonna be long and rambly and probably not make much sense and go off in a million and one diff directions sorry i just feel like talking abt spiders. this also came about bc of the big fuckoff house spider that was in my room last night on the top of my door frame but since it was late (like. midnight) and also out of my reach i went eh. ill deal with it in the morning. and then i woke up in the morning and no more spider to deal with! which i should be more stressed about i feel but im so exhausted from the run up to exams and other life stuff that im just like ok cool thats Around somewhere now ig. im guessing it was a female from the size but i cant be sure... anyway without further ado onto the main show.

so here in the uk we arent exactly known for our venomous animals. we have some but they're nothing really that dangerous (to us as humans at least. im not going into venom-prey specificity rn ive had ENOUGH of that recently). we have the european adder (which is also percieved as terrifying bc its a venomous snake but it poses very little risk to us as humans bc they are very shy and i have a lot to say abt adders but thats for another day), wasps, bees, some venomous fish (didnt know this until i found one rockpooling they r pretty neat), even some stinging jellyfish and siphonophores like the portuguese man o war. and then we have the spiders. all species of spider are venomous (minus the uloboridae family, aka the cribellate orb weavers which im not too sure off the top of my head if we have those in the uk... we might have one or two species?? idk but they arent venomous and i think theres another family that has some non venomous spiders BUT THE POINT IM MAKING IS PRETTY MUCH ALL SPIDERS ARE VENOMOUS). there are 650ish spp of spider in the uk and of those VERY FEW are at all medically significant. of these few are the rabbit hutch spider, the cupboard spider, and... the noble false widow. these 3 spiders are all known as false widow spiders. we also occasionally get the meditterreanean false widow, but to my knowledge these only arrive on imports and dont have a population within the uk.

belonging to the genus steatoda, false widows are usually seen as these terrifying death spiders that will kill you just for looking at them when really... they arent actually that dangerous. most cases of bites being severe are either a) a result of an allergy or b) it was actually caused by something other than the bite itself (such as a bacterial infection in the bite, or the "bite" not actually being a bite) or even c) greatly exaggerated by the tabloids (shocker)... like ok we dont have many scary animals in the uk but. we dont need to overexaggerate the ones that really arent as bad as people think! badgers probably pose more of a threat to you than a false widow does. have you seen a badger?! they look so cute but they are VICIOUS those things will FUCK YOU UP and give you TB on top of getting absolutely mauled. a false widow will, at most, just make you feel a bit ill for a couple of days. me personally i would take a falsie over the badger. false widows also only bite in defense! most of the time they bite because you didn't see them and happened to be a very big thing up in their personal space! tbh i would bite too

false widow bites are, to most people, no more harmful than a wasp sting. so its not exactly a fun time but its not exactly the limb destroying death bite that the british media loves to make it out to be. most bites are probably dry bites or have near neglible amounts of venom, so won't cause anything more than a bit of pain. when venom does get involved it gets a bit more complicated bc it depends on how ur body reacts to it. as i said before, most ppl its not much worse than a wasp sting but it can cause things like muscle spasms, sweating, and a raised temperature. it rarely gets worse than that. of course you can be allergic to it which will cause anaphylaxis which is a medical emergency, but this is an exceptional circumstance. most ppl bitten by a false widow will not experience that. the panic over false widows in the uk is a mixture of media-driven mass hysteria and arachnophobia.

anyway in conclusion shoutout brandon collier who did an amazing talk abt false widows during the bhs venom day both at the 2022 and 2023 events both of which i was lucky enough to attend. if i cant go to venom day this year you will see me on the news.

[windmills123]

intrigued by what u love most abt yume nikki

like what made u go "oh damn this game is SUCH A GAME"

if u kno what i mean?

im glad you asked. well... holy fuck, i could talk about yume nikki for hours!! but... if i had to summarize it down, heere are some points:

its yume nikki!!! such a unique and different game from anything ive seen, even with its fangames. well if you look back at the gaming scene in 2004, then something like an rpg maker game thats NOT an rpg and actually a weird surrealism thingy was kind of crazy. it does seem to be inspired by the mother series, which has a lot of weird artsy stuff and also lsd dream emulator, also a game where you walk in dreams, which is self explanatory. also it utilizes rpgmaker mechanics in SUCH mindblowing ways, it doesnt even feel like it was made with it. it flows VERY well for a 2004 indie game.

the atmosphere and theming is so awesome. the NPCs who are completely indifferent to you, the worlds all connectin g together, etc. also, the art and music is really charming in kind of a nostalgic way, the aztec inspirations for the npcs, all the different sights and how desolate and lonely it feels, yet kind of still comforting. you know?? like the dreamworld is an escapism for madotsuki, but she still cant escape the horrors of reality..............

3. every part of it is very mysterious. a whole intigue of the game for many people has been what the dreams are really about!! of course there is also the developer kikiyama, who theres practically 0 info on. even though obviously people should respect their privacy, people still wonder what happened or why the game never got finished. i hope they're well....

4. the fanbase of yume nikki is one of the most cool ones ive seen. its one of those old fandoms from back in the 2000s that never stopped going, like touhou.. you can find a lot of old short little animations of yume nikki. theres the big viewed ones, but also ive found really obscure ones with under a 1000 viws, which shows how much people cared about it. even though the game was seen as dark, they were often really wholesome. theres also yume nikki fansites from back then, and a lot of cool fanart. even though the fandom was fairly small, its kind of like a window to how different the internet used to be. now its even more popular with internet horror stuff being more noticed recently.

its just really kind of heartwarming that so many people connected with a short game about isolation and anxiety posted on some forum site back in 2004 by an unknown person, i think.

5. the fangames!!!!!!!! there are so many fangames for this game, all because people liked the idea so much, hundreds of them wanted to try making one. ynfgs are always really charming to play, however none of them compare to yume 2kki ( the big one). its the closest ive ever felt to going to another world in a video game, even more than yume nikki itself.

because so many people have worked on it, 2kki has an endless seeming amount of content which is pretty awesome. some people think its incoherent because of how big the game is, but it always made it feel more like a dream to me. especially like one you would have as a child, falling asleep while being driven home from a birthday party or something like htat. fun fact: 2kki got started in 2007, before the final yume nikki update, which means there is a chance kikiyama might have even played it, which is pretty crazy...

well, thats my rambling about my favorite things about yume niki! lol i think thats too much text, oops. well, high five if you actually read that................. <:,-]

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[extravalgant]

hi! ive been listening to your playlist abt the wizard lately (“the only time when most people feel alive is when theyre suffering”) (very good btw. your mind….) and i was wondering if you had any other song/artist recs that have a similar sound/vibe!

OMG I HONESTLY FORGOT ABOUT THAT PLAYLIST... went back to it and kinda realized the vibe was all over the place HAHAHA but some of the songs there are bangers fr....

heres the playlist if anyone is curious. i made a whole post about each song and why i chose it but its probably so far back... ill add it later (lying)

mitski has a lot of good songs!! i feel like her and weyes blood sort of have a similar vibe ^^ theyre also the more well known artists among that playlist. i know mitski just released an album and rest assured that shit has destroyed me

PERHAPS... A LOT'S GONNA CHANGE BY WEYES BLOOD? its a very yw-coded song now that im lookin at it...

smokes a cigarette very solemnly.. oh yeah.. this hits harder after my novus rerun

I LOVEEEEE broadcast their songs are very calm and soothing... i found them through their 1997 album work and non work! my first song was the world backwards ^_^ you can try there and see if you like the way it sounds hehe

crumb has so many good songs.. u might have heard them from their song locket but if u havent GO CHECK IT OUT!! its a good song.. a good band. i also like tunnel (all that you had) from their most recent album ( ^ ^)b

the voidz' frontman is julian casablancas who is also part of the strokes which as you know. kinda popular BUT IF IT HELPS my first song of theirs was human sadness which is like an 11 minute song 😭 THEY MIGHT BE HIT OR MISS but i like em. havent listened to them in a while though

cusp is a band i found offhandedly from a video suggestion BUT I FOUND THEM FROM THEIR SPILL EP!!! u can check that out to see if thats to ur fancy...

steady holidays... oh my gaaawd i love steady holiday. SHE HAS A LOT OF GOOD SONGS!!! my favorites are eastern comfort, love and pressure, nobodys watching, trapping season...

fun fact i associate them with empyrea and cool ranch because thats all i would play when i ran those worlds LMFAO

ok sorry this was really long i just never get the chance to talk about music LMFAOOO BUT I HOPE THESE HELPED!!!

[iwadori]

Hiiii can i request prompt 53 with tsukki? My annoying cousin u may know @chibiiichan(i cant tag her its a surprise) recommend ur account and well she never been right more than now I LIKE UR ACC TOO URM JUST TAG HER IN THE POST (bcs its actually her birthday next week monday so....the least i could do this bcs she likes tsukki and shes recently talk abt the iwazumi story of yours....lmao shes cringe but in the same time got mad n i was besides her hearing her whining like bruh 'its 1 am'...i know i should buy something for her but she got spoiled enough 💅...that mf-) thank you ✨

‘ALWAYS AND FOREVER’

TSUKISHIMA X READER

2K WORDS

GENRE: ANGST,FLUFF

TW: SLIGHT AMBIGIOUS MENTION OF SUICIDE/ASSISTED DEATH, AND DEATH, CURSING (IN MY A/N)

THIS IS FOR @chibiiichann Happy birthday, I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS (BECAUSE I HATE IT :D ) SOOOOO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY.

NOT PROOFREAD AT ALL. EXPECT SLIGHT MISTAKES

You were dying. You knew it. Your husband, Kei, knew it. Even friends you haven’t spoken too since high school knew it.

So why did you all pretend that everything was okay?

5 year old Y/N:

You were running around your neighbourhood park chasing after butterflies, without a care in the world. As you were frollicing in the grass, you manage to trip over a rock tumbling to the ground scraping your knee making it bleed. Looking down at your slightly injured knee, your lip begins to quiver which eventually leads to wails of tears streaming down your face.

“you don’t have to cry you know?” said a slightly quiet voice towering over you. Above you was a boy, quite tall with a fat pair of glasses, golden eyes and a head full of blonde locks.

“Well when I get hurt, I cry” you say matter oh factly (is that the phrase?) rubbing your nose as you sniffle. He held out a hand to you, which you immediately took shooting upwards and brushing yourself off.  

The boy, after looking at you wildly, turns around and walks back to the actual park. “Oi wait,” you call at the boy swiftly following him “aren’t you going to ask my name?”

“no.” he says simply, proceeding to walk ahead.

“well my names Y/N L/N pleasure to meet you,” you say jumping in front of him so he doesn’t move, waiting for him to tell you his name...which he doesn’t. “you don’t have to be so rude you know”  

“I’m not being rude” he says stiffly “ it’s just my brother says not to speak to strangers” a smirk appears on his face to say ‘you can leave me alone now.’  

As if on cue, his brother approaches the both of you given the boy a slap on the back making him cringe “Hey Kei, who’s the friend you’ve made here?”  

“My name is Y/N L/N and I'm here to be KEI’s best friend!” you said putting the emphasis on the word Kei after just learning that was the blondes name.  

Kei rolled his eyes and sighed saying “nii-chan can we go home now” he folded his arms in annoyance.

“No Kei, you’ve got to get to know your new found friend Y/N-Chan right?” his brother said teasingly, knowing it was the last thing Kei wanted to do.

“Yes ofcourse!” you say with a toothy grin, dragging Kei along with you to his demise.

Until the sun went down, you spent the rest of your time with Kei getting to know eachother (well him getting to know you more, since you did all the speaking.) Regardless of his previous annoyance in getting to know you in the first place, Kei would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know you now.

As the sun was setting, Kei’s older brother (who’s name you learned was Akiteru) called him to tell him he had to go home because dinner was ready. Before he left, you grabbed his hand and wrapped your pinky finger around his saying “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”

back to present -  

In some odd way, this was Kei’s way of looking out for you. He knew what you had was uncurable and would weaken you even more as the days go by, so pretending like nothing was wrong seemed to be best in his eyes.  

Everything you and Kei did was a game or some nostalgic act that you once did when you were children. It was sweet to say the least, seeing Kei all engrossed and determined to make you happy.  

Your alarm rings snapping you out of you daydream, ‘it was time for medicine’ you thought with your face scowling at the thought. Immediately on time, as always, Kei comes In the room with all your medicine thats needed.

“Aren’t you my perfect little nurse Kei” you say teasingly giving him a wink, laughing as you see his face turn red.

“Do you have to do this every time y/n?” he asks rolling his eyes at your childish behaviour.

“Oh I'm just showing love to my best and favourite nurse” you continue laughing at your own words

“Im your only ‘nurse’” he deadpans giving you your medicine as you talk.

“Well that is more reason to make you the best nurse.” you say smiling.

Silence falls between you, and you stare down at your arm watching as your husband gives you the medicine making you frown. “Do we have to keep doing this?” you ask which is probably the 1000th time you’ve asked.

“Of course we do Y/N as I’ve said yesterday and the day before that and the day before that it-”

“But do we really?” you interrupt “I can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep doing this.”

“Do you doubt me Y/N, I can do this forever” he says “ I can take care of you forever”

“But I don’t wan-”

“I’m finished, I’m going to start on dinner” he gets up and leaves the room yelling “I’ll call you when it’s done.”

Sometimes you and Kei have these conversations. And all the time it ends the same way. You complain, he ignores and then you go and have dinner.

You can understand why he doesn’t want to have this conversation. Who would want to hear about their partners complaints about practically being alive. Kei was torn, ever since he met you all he wanted to was to keep you happy. But could he compromise his own happiness for it.

15 year old Y/N - flashback

“Kei Kei, aren’t you excited!” you yell smiling widley

“Excited for what?” he asks, amused by your enthusiasm “it’s just highschool.”

“Well it’s a new highschool! Karasuno high school, to be exact.”

“And that is still just a school.” he says

“Not just any! That’s the school nii-chan went too, and even tho he lie-”

“Let’s not talk about it Y/N” he murmurs “we should go now, don’t want to be late on our first date.”

Going to Karasuno was fun, at the start everyone was pleasant and nice. But after a week or two when you and Kei were still stuck to eachother like glue, people weren’t so pleasant. Kei was like a pop idol, being gorgeous and over 6ft at just the age of 15, caused alot of attention, especially when he was always around you.

At the start, the hate you got was bearable, it was the petty bitchy notes in your locker or just people blatanly talking badly about you infront of you. People didn’t do it when you weren’t around Kei, so when he had volleyball practice (which you were so excited that he joined the team) you were a big target for the bullies to come around.

Kei didn’t really know of the bullying that happened towards you, especially since he was mainly in practice or not around when it happened. But one day in practice he heard some of his teammates, kageyama and hinata who seemed to talking about a student in one of their classes that was always getting picked on by the other girls in the year.

“Yeah and I heard that Nana-san was planning on getting her and her friends to attack Y/N-san soon.”  said Hinata

“Shrimpy, who are they planning on attacking?” Kei asks to make sure he just heard the ginger correctly.

“Oh this lovely person in our class their name is Y/N-san” he says, looking at Kei’s reaction he also asks “Why? Do you know them?”  

Kei doesn’t respond, and immediately leaves the gym, ignoring Hinata’s and the other members of the teams yells of ‘Where are you going tsukishima.’ He didn’t care, he just had to get to you.  

He searched all the classes, asking every student if he knew where you were. Someone directs him to the toilets, where he burst through the door to see the other girls in your year surrounding you and beating you up.  

“What the fuck are you doing to them?” he yells startling the girls.

“T-T-Tsukishima-san" one girl says “It’s not what it looks like.”

“Oh fuck off” he says, with them still frozen in shock “I said go!”  

“And don’t think I don’t know your names either” he calls after them.

He rushes towards your bruised body on the ground and cradles you gently, confused on what to really do. “Oi Kei,” you say weakly catching his attention “I would’ve won if you didn’t come to stop the fight.” you joke making him scoff.

“Whatever you say Y/N.”

After you heal up, Kei already told on the girls that beat you up getting them suspended, and you explain how they were treating you because of their infatuation of him. And how they only did it when he wasn’t around.

Once he learns this information, he decides to quite the volleyball team, to your surprise. But you demands on making him not quit were ignored, as he excused it by saying “I have to make sure you’re always alright remember, and if that means quitting some volleyball team then so be it.”

That was one out of the many times that Kei put his happiness before yours.

Flashback over.

When you first got diagnosed, Kei was immediately researching on it as it was a very rare condition. But sadly, he only found what the doctor already told you both. It was uncurable and your immune system and your body will weaken as the days go by.

Which it did, you were a shell of your past self. It was always shocking for Kei to see, especially with you only being 25. ‘It wasn’t supposed to be this way,’ but he never let you see his sadness.

Whenever you knew Kei was sad you always reminded him “Kei, I may be dying but please don’t cry over me” every time you said, there was a slight undertone of humour in your voice which always worked in boosting Kei’s spirit.

AN: IVE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I HATE THIS SOOO IM SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE SHITTING RUSHED ENDING IM GOING TO PROVIDE FOR YOU LOL.

The days passed and the years went by, and you and Kei were still alive and kicking it. Doing your daily routine of you making some joke, Kei giving you your medicine and then you eating dinner. You eventually stopped complaining, realizing and remembering your promise you gave to Kei at 5 years old in that park. “As long as we shall live, we will always look out for eachother as we are forever bestfriends, agreed?”

Of course you had your rough days, everybody did and it was even harder being sick with a terminal illness. But having Kei to guide you through the storm made It better for you.

However, Kei isnt a miracle worker. He couldn’t save you, noone could. And you both knew that. That didn’t mean it made it any easier when the medicine stopped working and your pain got too hard to bear. Kei couldn’t watch you do this anymore, “the choice is yours” he said with tears in his eyes.  

So you knew what you had to do, you got in your bed pulling Kei with you, and letting him envelope you in a big hug as you both cried.

“I love you,” you say “You know that right?”

“Of course I know that, idiot” he replies “And I love you.”

“Always and forever?”

“Always and forever.”

AN: how did I END UP CRYING WHILST WRITING THIS WHEN IT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE, I WAS TRYING TO DO THIS COOL NOTEBOOK (I HAVENT EVEN WATCHED THE NOTEBOOK) ENDING WHERE ITS AMBIGIOUS AND SHIT AND I JUST GIVE UP OKAY? I APOLOGISE LOOOOOOL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY ATLEAST A SENTENCE OF THIS AT LEAST.

[melto]

Ive been following you for years and I love seeing your hc/long posts even when I dont super know what they are about I just think you have such a fun/smart way of thinking about things. I miss it you should start doing it again…So uh what are your favorite hcs about this ENGR crew?

ough this is such a sweet ask thank u i love u im glad u enjoy them wwhjkhsglrkjgfdl

hmm.....favorites for them....i have so many i think about them like 24/7. let me say this first: korn is a trans man to me and chang uses any pronouns (hot girl at a bar hitting on him really changed him i see it clearly). also mo is 5'6 and korn is just barely taller and never lets mo forget. just for some little things i feel very strong abt<3 but anywayss

pat mindlessly plays with his friend's hair mindlessly. like specifically braids it. he used to do it all the time for pa and he doesnt even notice at first that he's doing it until like one time he's ranting to korn and he tugs a little too hard and korn shouts but never tells pat to stop or anything. just does it all the time and they looovveee it and if they all have pat gifted braids in their hair at the same time they r so annoying about it. they just go around with matching hair and pat gets sooo embarrassed bc they wont shut up about how their bestie did it for them literally if you even glance in their direction they will tell you

engr besties cuddling...they are so obviously just an overly touchy group they've always got an arm around shoulders or hand on the back, half sitting in laps and all the like. no concept of personal space in that friend group!!! they like to be close to each other!! and they get fake jealous if they get left out of the affection which is how 50% of the time they find themselves in a cuddle pile, the other half is intentional/just kinda happens bc they drift together. korn is 100% someone who likes to hold people he's always wrapped around one or multiple of them. mo likes to spread out and it works well bc he's the smallest. chang likes to nestle up. like curl into people's laps or lay his head there or on a shoulder. pat's pretty fine with any arrangement he just likes being able to touch everyone in some way like korn wrapped around him, mo's legs in his lap, and a hand stretched all the way over so he can touch chang's arm. he does start to like get all >:( if anyone tries to like spoon him after he and pran start dating bc it simply never feels as nice so it makes him irritated. korn and pat are kinda chronic overheaters, korn gets whiney about it but pat doesnt notice its just everyone else's problem. chang runs super cold and mo is just normal. he's fine and normal in this department. they dont usually use blankets though bc they will fucking die then. esp if they are squeezed tight. they are convinced they can all fit anywhere until it blows up in their faces. pat lovveess playing with his friends' hair and hands and they all love when he does. mo falls asleep super easy when he gets cozy. korn thinks its funny to just randomly shake them around sometimes or just full on start trying to get everyone to wrestle with him with only works like 40% of the time. chang, surprisingly, is the one who talks the most like sometimes its just a normal hangout session so they are all just having normal conversations but on the days where its like more sleepy/quiet chang just kinda fills up the space by like monologuing about something he found interesting recently or whatever. they also have like a very specific way of holding each other when one of them needs some Serious comfort. it varies per person, like after the (fake) break up, korn and chang would glue to pat's sides and mo would lay across their laps and hold one of pat's hands and they'd usually watch something or pat would feel safe enough to vent. but yeah they all have a special comfort cuddle setup...they love each other soooooo much that it's embarrassing. and oh my god? pran is not safe? they walk in and see him and pat cuddling and they just fucking leap onto that couch and snuggle in best they can everyone wants to be close to pran bc he's their special guy! and he gives very good rubs and sometimes gives their heads a little kiss (which they all do to each other but its different bc again! its pran!) and pran feels so nice and loved but he cannot last very long bc it gets so hot so fast and he does not enjoy being sweat on by multiple people for more than maybe 45 minutes. sometimes inkpa join. pa's a lot more used to it and has a higher tolerance but both would much rather just be cuddling each other. with them it is just like a prolonged group hug basically, korn once got a black eye trying to keep ink in longer and she hit him in the struggle. they love each other (:

pa gets sooo many brothers. like she has pat and pran but she also get korn mo and chang and they all love her soooo much (society if i finish my fic abt this>)

ive talked about it before (mostly in reference to korn and pat's relationship) but i think the engr crew has an interesting relationship with violence and anger. pran being the catalyst in the change in it since it allows pat to become further removed from those things which leads to the other 3 to do so as well. i have a lot to say.

chang breaks him arm and the next day mo shows up with his broken too so korn and pat are like dude what the fuck happened and mo is just like oh i didnt want chang to feel weird being the only one ): the only reason korn and pat dont do the same is bc pran stops them. korn mo and chang were having a really hard time when pat got shot bc they could not easily recreate it for themselves to share his pain

korn mo and chang love pran so fucking much not an ounce of this is just out bestie's bf in them pran is THEIR special guy!

silly little group of bisexuals<3

months after the (fake) breakup starts to die down pat’s out at a bar with his buddies and chang just is like “this was pran’s favorite appetizer here” and then both he and mo just start drunkenly bawling about how much they miss pran leaving pat and korn to comfort them

korn mo and chang take that fake break up SOO hard. korn at least knows its fake but he still doesnt get to see his guy as much as he wants now but mo and chang? Devastated. oh i have so much to say i have many visions that make me so ]: (society if i finished this fic lol>)

they have secret handshakes

they like to tease pat for how down bad he is and force him to share his bf. pat's out there acting like a chauffeur bc they make pran squeeze in the back with them. shouldnt have gotten such an epic bf if he didnt want to deal with the consequences

Simply they love each other so much and are so supportive and learn to navigate newfound vulnerability with each other which allows them to just continue to grow closer and into the people they actually want to be<3

[pilotheather]

hey i never really watched or followed the chibnall era what was wrong with his writing that made people happy he’s gone

i think this will get you different opinions based on who you ask.

a LOT of people were extremely unhappy with the s12 timeless child plot twist. which, if you don't know: basically he redestroyed gallifrey, and revealed the doctor is not a timelord at all, but was instead the progenitor OF the timelords (a child that kept regenerating, even when they died) and that she was tortured on as a child, being repeatedly killed to realise the secret behind her regenerative abilities, to create the timelord race and then had her mind wiped.

which, im not a fan of. some ppl are? but mostly it panned: lots of ppl are unhappy, bc theyre saying it's "ruining the lore"; personally i dont mind since dw is fast and loose with its canon - and im moreso unhappy about centreing the doctor as, like, the big important chosen one in the universe (like blech) bc its just such a stale narrative decision.

but even before that there was a lot of criticism of chibnalls writing. and again: ur gonna get different opinions on who you ask. there's, uh, for example... a LOT of ppl (off tumblr, mostly) who tout it as sjw bullshit (yawn) bc of jodie and the diverse tardis team. that's bs outrage over nowt, ofc. but like- other than that its just... the writing. yeah, some ppl like it but ik a lot are unahppy with it for different reasons.

and to, like, summarise my own thoughts on chibbers writing: there's LOTS of little things that sort of build up for me. but at the crux of it? personally i dont think the man can write sci-fi - like, at all. thats my own personal main gripe with him. i hear he's good at straightforward drama: whilst ive never seen broadchurch myself, a lot of ppl whose opinions i trust liked it well enough; and furthermore, when it came to torchwood, he did have one or two eps in there that i liked in premise. however, when it comes to sci-fi, i respectfully think he just flounders. like he just cant integrate those other skills he has into a scifi story. the tardis was super overcrowded in s11&s12 (and that brought its own issues) but even still it was sort of... laughable, how much development the companions got. a lot of the time they'd sit there like pints of milk and just?? not really do anything? it got a little better in s12- but its like... he doesnt know how to handle a sci-fi storyline, whilst also exploring the characters in tandem and its like theyre just theyre as objects to move things along. its really fuckin weird.

like, in the most recent episode (last years NY's special, Revolution of the Daleks) the pacing was so strange. there's this whole section in the middle of all the action, where they just STOP and talk inside of the tardis. and don't get me wrong - i dont mind a heart to heart! but a lot of the companions are, like, purely telling and not showing their personality msot of the time - and thats it! its so... stale. they just stand around, state something about themselves and then just do nothing half the time? bc he just doesn't know how to use them in the stories. unlike in rtd or moffat era, where you'd have the companions jumping in and actually interacting with stuff- you'd know its just... like theyre being swept away by the plot. and you could frankly cut them out of almost all of the episodes, replace them with a sonic screwdriver or some other technobabble and it just wouldnt make any damn difference to the vibe of the ep, which is a shame bc they had PROMISE as ideas but they just don't pull their weight.

and i think that's just... super unfortunate. bc a lot of the pull with nuwho especially IS the companions and their personalities and when theyre just flat cardboard cutouts its got no energy. not to mention, like, the companions really facilitate a lot of the plots themselves- not the other way round! having companions ask questions, explore, and make decisions and react to stuff... that's IMPORTANT to really realising a lot of it. there's been a lot of times in eps where i was watching it and i just WANTED desperately for one of them to do something, to ask the doctor about it but like... she kind of just stands around and talks to herself? then there's a canned comment abt how theyre the #fam? its like. ok.

and then its like- maybe if they were being pushed to the side, and the show was servicing plot over characters that would be ONE thing but its also like i get a LOT of insecurity in general from chris when it comes to sci-fi writing, too. which ok, dude. but its like- he'll introduce a concept, but never fully explore it; he'll just drop it, and introduce something else; and then drop that and move on. and its like... we dont get any actual playing with whats going on? its like-

its just all... ultimately very superficial. like ai generated doctor who. i dont want to say it hasnt got heart, but sometimes it really feels like it you know? and a lot of it is just.. flat. because you can bring in lots of cool stuff (visuals, bring back jack, build a found family type, give us a fun quirky doctor) but if you just don't actually put work into making it all happen then its just going to be like, pretty wrapping paper on an empty box, yeah? and so its like- its like theres PIECES in a lot of s11 and s12 that are right, and they're fine, and they could make for good stories but he just doesn't know how to use them. like, at all.

and there's honestly like. a lot of other... smaller things that i could mention. i feel like theres just like... lots of little issues wrong with it all, but theyre all so fundamental and they all just build up and its just- it just culminates in bad writing, man. not moffat type of bad. but just... nothing interesting at best; frustrating at worst.

ofc theres ppl who will disagree with me and like it and thats fine. and theres also ppl who will have other things they dont like abt it that they can bring up. i would advise lookin thru ppl talking abt it on here more, omg. get a nice lil crossection of all the little messes ppl babble on abt.

[dog-teeth]

quick little life/blog update if anyone’s interested:

-i have been gone for a few days in the mountains but have a bit of cool art to share soon, i’m sorry i havent been posting much art lately

-i hit 20,000 followers a few days ago (!!!) & am still figuring out how to celebrate that?? i was thinking an art/zine raffle or something in addition to the type of comic i usually do when my blog reaches a milemark! i’m open to suggestions if anyone has one id like to do something big!!

-ive got some stressful things going on in my life both situationally and mentally so hopefully i can make some comics about it but its largely preventing me from making good art recently, as well as taking a while for me to get back to some people about commissions and zine/print sales but i’m working on it

-i’m trying to set up a shop to sell zines and prints more efficiently but have no idea what to use to set it up, also want to put together a website/portfolio for my work i own a url but need to learn how to code it etc, have absolutely no idea what im doing but hopefully my mom (who is a software engineer) can help me when she gets back into town this week :) if anyone knows a good site to facilitate selling art let me know!

-i love u all thanks for supporting my blog i hope i can show you some cool stuff soon

things not relevant to my blog but i want to talk about:

-mountains were big fun i’ll post pretty pics soon

-gender stuff has been both good and bad, my insurance rejected my claim to get my top surgery covered so i don’t think i can get it before i have to go back to school (if at all) like i had been planning (ive been in contact w a surgeon and everything planning a tentative date in august so it really fucking sucked to get my hopes up even a little bit which i tried not to do). but aside from that ive been more comfortable with being genderfluid, i bought a cute dress at the thrift store i look nice in & i havent bought a dress in years bc i have a complex relationship w femininity, but hrt is making it better. but i got misgendered this entire weekend which sucks a lot, and i found out about the insurance thing right before leaving for the mountains so i put aside my devastation in order to enjoy my weekend but its caught up now that im back. sux

-i get my grades for this semester back in a week and every day i dont have them im just anxious abt it even tho theres nothing i can do at this point, and im stressed about making plans for next semester. like how can i make plans during all of This

-i have a few fwiends coming into town this week so thats happy :3

-this weekend i got to be around people i really love in my favorite place on earth just reading and painting and hanging out with dogs & eating good food & looking at pretty stars and trees and bodies of water; yay

-i started making pickles (maybe u remember my pickleposting last week..) and its going really well they’re fizzing and fermenting and already look much more pickley than when i left a few days ago, very very excited!

-im sorry this was so long it was supposed to be a short update originally

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

z. Zach ? Zach deadly premonition ?

hehe absolutely bc like what i said abt york where his characterization is just a bunch of headcanons stacked on top of each other in a trenchcoat, that but x100 bc zach gets like no time to develop and in dp2 when he gets more development time its like they forgot all the slim characterizations they gave him and just made him a worse copy of york but like anyway ANYWAY,

Send a character’s name to receive four different headcanons

Headcanon A:  realistic

This is going to be kind of 2 headcanons bc i just have so many headcanons for both york and zach.

Zach has a much more casual dress style than york, in fact hes really really satisfied with just a tee-shirt and jeans, hell even pajama pants can be fine to go out in for zach. This mostly is because hes used to how it was when he was a teen, him and york would go thrift shopping for clothes, mostly punk clothes. (And a small bit because he (and to a lesser extent york) just doesnt like how dress clothes feel (too tight :( york often doesnt wear his tie bc of this <3)) 

To add onto the thrifting headcanon, back when they first got into punk n punk music, they found a really cool punk as hell leather jacket at a local thrift store and bought it even though it was pretty big on them. (They were small in their early teens i think i headcanoned like 5′4?) a few years or so later they had a major growth spurt (launching them up to 6′2) and the jacket finally fit properly! Zach still has the jacket somewhere and can still wear it, even though its tight in some places.

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Zach doesnt know how to play chess and absolutely refuses to learn. Its one of the only things that has made york outwardly frustrated at zach because york just doesnt understand that zach is doing it purposefully to make him mad, and well, it works :-) (Small bonus, im disregarding canon here bc dp2 makes me mad, he continues to refuse to learn chess even after york has left him even though theres no real reason to keep up the bit. He likes to think though one day he’ll meet up with york again and he can keep making him mad :-) )

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

I think for zach this section is much too easy, after all his whole childhood and everything :/ plus alot of interpretations of him, his character, and deeper examinations of him rely on him being tragic, thinking of an original sad headcanon is kind of hard so im just going for something ive only recently thought about and probably isnt as heart crushing and awful but at least its a little less touched upon.

Zach hates his scar, it was something that never really bothered him until he got full control of his body after york left and realized how ugly and still present it was. After all its a ever present physical reminder of his trauma, his responsibilities, and just all of the things he really wouldnt really want to remember. Its one of the main reasons he really avoids mirrors and imo probably has a small fear of them. Its that and also his white hair probably. The scar and the hair make him stick out horribly in a crowd and he just knows people talk about it behind his back. (Plus i have a bonus headcanon that goes against his canon design but zachs father had some white hairs even though he was pretty young because of the stress of his job, thus zach seeing his own white hair would likely remind him of his father and uh yeah bad times for zach :( )

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

this part is just going to be me hissing and growling at dp2 be prepared. Also gonna have multiples here.

Anyway so Zach doesnt care much for movies, thats yorks thing after all, while i do think he would watch movies and enjoy them (in part bc it makes him feel closer w york) i dont think he would particularly be at the same level as york is with them. I think personally Zach would be much more of a TV guy! Probably would be fine with TV edits of movies too (Gets rid of the bothersome blood n guts that probably bother him imo) 

Zach swears, like alot. I think he should drop way more f bombs than in dp2. He talks way more casually than york and just in general is more of a casual guy. I like thinking this bc i mean just the CONTRAST between his anime protag looking ass and his casual barely quirky at all demeanor is very funny and just fun in general. Also i think he would be a very outwardly nice guy <3 contrast to york whos kinda an outward asshole.

Final one but i think zach didnt really want to become an FBI agent, i think that was more yorks business, instead i think zach wanted to be someone involved in the music industry. In fact when he was a teen he really wanted to start a band and would write lyrics and little melodys, probably still does on occasion. Probably accidentally humming something he thought abt while on the job c:

[we-always-hit-our-ass]

First Date Headcannons with Shifty Powers

thank you so much @noneofurbusinez​, you inspired me so much when you were chatting with me- 💕💕

-------------------

-------------------

okokok this man will take you to the carnival ASAP, no questions!

when you two stop to look at the entrance, cue the squeals-

you two already knew that this date is gonna BOMB AS FUC-

you two arrive in the afternoon and while you look at the map, shifty’s already got his eyes on the food and a booth in the front

shifty is a literal sucker for EVERYTHING in the fair

will look in awe of the lights and booths and he will jump in glee when he sees the ferris wheel

points at the randomest shit and you two will literally you both forget that you are grown adults-

who gives a shit though, you two are EXCITED and HYPED

you two are the human embodiments of cuteness and happiness, and i’m living for it-

uhhh who tf gave him the right to be so cute???

you both feel like children again and you just constantly want adrenaline

there will never be a time where you haven’t stopped smiling with him-

both of you take turns choosing the booths or rides you want to go to

but he’ll mostly let you take him wherever because any ride will be better spent with you anyway-

you two go on every ride at least twice but you’ll never get tired of ANYTHING

if you say ’awww shifty, look at that plushie!’ or anything similar

and HE WILL LITERALLY PROCEED TO WIN YOU AT LEASt ONE PLUSHIE FROM EVERY BOOTH

shifty thinks he’s in heaven after he sees your smile after he wins you your plushies

its blinding him but youre adorable-

um hello excuse me, would you like to talk about how great of couple you and shifty are?

you have a mountain of plushies near you and shifty, and people are like hMMM

will give you piggyback rides when you sometimes get tired of walking

sometimes you two would just chill in one of the benches with mount plushie at your side

you and shifty totally name the plushies he won after the easy boys

you named the duck plushie after george and the dog one after floyd-

would literally not stop getting you plushies because shifty thinks you deserve more-

you tell him to stop but its one of the rare times he doesnt listen

“babe, i got another one!”

“but we have too much-”

“look what i won!”

“how did you even get it that fast????”

“wait, this one’s cute”

“shifty- nO!”

both of you have so many plushies you had to resort to naming the most recent one lord winters IV

man this adorable boy does not run out of energy and youre just constantly questioning how he has enough to run back and forth between the booths

when playing in booths that require aiming, shifty will totally hold you close to him and instruct/teach you how to throw the darts/shoot the toy gun.

like he will literally stand behind you, your back touching his chest

he will hold your arms up to where you need to shoot and whisper words of encouragement

and that method of teachings WORKS-

he’s so PROUD of you when your first target and the SMILE HE GIVES YOU-it will literally put the carnival lights to shame

stars who? sun who? i only know shifty’s smile-

you buy cotton candy for the both of you but shifty finishes his first and will take a BIG chunk from yours

you hit him with one of your many plushies but he hugs you and spins you around

you couldn’t stay mad at him for that long, i mean just look at this baby! you just cant get mad at him-

guaranteed sweet kisses from him while he holds your waist while waiting in line

he says that he holds your hand to not get lost but he lowkey just wants you near him at all times.

its like 10% doesnt want you to get swept away by the crowd, and 90% wants you near him and just wants to feel your touch

but dont get me wrong, shifty is worrying 24/7 about you

will probably lose his mind if youre not there the moment he turns around

turns out you’re just getting water but when he sees you he hugs you tightly but you dont care, its shifty

protective as fuck-

constantly asks the people running the rides if its safe to ride or not

after the 30th time asking he looks over at you with a sheepish grin and you two hop on

y’all are blinged out with the carnival’s merchandise

shifty’s lowkey flexing abt it and you just find it funny

you two stayed for so long at the fair that you already practically memorized the layout

you two will definitely stay until nighttime, and the fair atmosphere just CHANGES

it went from fun to really ROMANTIC quickly, loves-

will take you to the tunnel of love and hes just smiling bashfully the whole time

you will lean your head on his shoulder throughout the ride and his face is so cute oml-

he just loves and adores you so much, have i mentioned that?

also finds it cute when you that to him, like hes just constantly thinks abt u

sometimes too shy to lean back because hes worried if he’ll mess up or not

but you constantly reassure him while handing pieces of popcorn because he needs it, but like most importantly needs you

you might or might not have splashed each other with the water but who am i kidding?

shifty will blush and shit and its the cutest thing you’ve ever seen mark my words

when the sun goes down, its time for you and shifty to go to the ferris wheel

this baby is literally emitting enough energy and joy to power the whole entire planet

shifty will zoom into the ferris wheel and help you get on

you totally sit in shifty’s lap during the ride and you two just look like puppies-

YOUR SMILES ARE HUGE as you gaze outside the window to take in the nighttime view of the carnival

will kiss you so tenderly when the ferris wheel stops and you two are at the very top

forget the view, the view only worth looking at right now is shifty-

did i mention how adorable he looks when the fireworks go off for the night??

woah there matey, cuteness overload

the colored light from the fireworks give him a literal GLOW, like the angel he is excuse me

you two are sitting in the grass holding hands and being the cutest the thing in the entire planet, the other couples in the fair could NEVER-

couple goals right here, okay?

you even overheard an old couple saying how you two reminded them of themselves

you two were blushing the whole time and you just found it sweet

no but seriously everything about this carnival date is SWEET

the date is amazing and youre just falling in love with him over and over again

you two are leaning your heads as the fireworks come to a stop, and when you face each other the glow and twinkle is his eyes are unreal

so many kisses from today, but the one he gives you after the fireworks are the bEST

softness overload, this man is a gift from the heavens and you dont know what you did to deserve him

the world doesnt deserve him-

the way he admires you after you two pull away from the kiss, this man is WAY sweeter than the cotton candy you two ate earlier

words cannot describe how much love you two were feeling

this is lowkey the second best day you two had in your lives

(we’re saving the first for when you two get married)

its gonna happen i swear

we need to make one thing clear though-

shifty and you will certainly have more dates like this in the future 💕💕😩

-------------------

-------------------

[aximili]

drafted this from @dominocity ages ago and forgot abt it until i was procrastinating just now :0

check in tag game ✅

1. why did you choose your url?

went by axx for a very long time (incredibly this actually had nothing to do with aximili-esgarrouth-isthill even tho i did grow up loving animorphs. i had an OC who used the online handle axolotl.... something... i cant remember.... and i thought it sounded cool so i started using it. wow i had actually forgotten this info until just now! lore!) anyway someone on tumlr reminded me how much i loved animorphs and i wanted a new url at the time. someone just had it saved and wasnt using it so i was like fuck it, why not ask. politely messaged the blog and they were like oh ya i forgot abt this and freed it up

2. any side blogs? if you have them name and them and why you have them.

i have like 6 but i no longer use any of them & havent for years lmaoooo

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i think its a decade this year. and ive never changed blogs once. im like a fungal infection here they cant get rid of me

4. do you have a queue tag?

i have never queued and i never will. you get my posts when you get em.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

a lot of my friends on deviantart (yes dear god) were becoming more active here and i started checking some humour blogs daily until i was eventually like why not just make an account

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Him. (from the cover of #8 the alien, the first ax pov book, which i found in a 2nd hand bookshop as a kid and was soooo excited bc i could normally only read animorphs at the library, they were never in shops. still a treasured possession.)

7. why did you choose your header?

it just really describes my emotional state at any given time

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

unfortunately i believe it's this, which is not even my original content nor even the OP's original content, as it turned out. but "online job application form" dnd joke is probably second

9. how many mutuals do you have?

who the got damn hell is keeping track of this?

10. how many followers do you have?

1439. its been around this number for like 2 years i really just stagnated at a certain point but idm

11. how many people do you follow?

968. to paraphrase lydia, i suppose i should follow 1 more. (im sure that at least half of those are inactive. i have been here for a decade.)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

by no means. none of my posts are shit

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

uhhhhhhhh i probably open it and glance at activity/briefly glance at my dash llike 5 times a day? a lot less now that i use locked twitter for socialisation

14. did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? who won?

god no i am incredibly nonconfrontational. a couple times in my younger and more vulnerable years id post some stupid uninformed take and someone would rightfully disagree, and occasionally vice versa, but i honestly can't recall a "fight"

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

it's good to only follow adults the dashboard becomes a peaceful place

16. do you like tag games?

yes i like talking about myself 😊 but i never tag anyone bc im lazy oops.

17. do you like ask games?

i rarely do them bc i would usually not get any lmao, but they can be fun

18. which of your tumblr mutuals do you think is famous?

alma my friend alma seems to get a lot of nonsense in their inbox even tho they only post abt yugioh. eliza was definitely my most famous mutual but she freed herself from this place to become a real author, godspeed. and logan really blew up with "your dad looks gnc af" most recently

i think i have some more well known mutuals (again. been here 10 years.) but i cant think of them rn lmao sorry if ur a famo and i excluded u.

generally people think i have a lot more followers than i actually have? it's hard to gauge whether that's a compliment or not, but i take it as one.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i have crushes on like everyone i meet it's called being bisexual </3

20. tags?

i tag...... YOU yes you. if u want!

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!