#reference from ''out in america'' the link to the post no longer works so i couldn't put it in

[linaxart]

Ever the gentleman

[bakerstreetbabble]

The Oxford Sherlock Holmes

I mentioned The Oxford Sherlock Holmes in an earlier blog post about "Sherlock Holmes in Print," but I thought I'd spend a little more time on the collection in this post.  You see, I recently got a little closer to acquiring the whole set; I had found three of the nine volumes used online awhile back, and now I've just gotten two more, with two on the way.  Finally, I found the other two volumes that I needed as Kindle ebooks, which will complete my Oxford collection.  (Word of warning if you're looking for the individual volumes on Amazon: if you just search for "oxford sherlock holmes," you may get other editions of the books, without annotations, that Oxford University Press has released over the years.  So be careful.)

Some Sherlockians may find the Oxford annotations to be rather a let-down, especially if they're used to Baring-Gould's Annotated Sherlock Holmes, or Leslie Klinger's New Annotated Sherlock Holmes. The Oxford editors approach the canon purely from the standpoint of fictional literature, authored by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.  No "Sherlockian Game" for the Oxford folks!  However, the introductions are full of useful information about the publication history of the stories and novels, and many of the notes have useful background on historical references found in Doyle's work.  Moreover, the Oxford notes quite usefully point out differences in text between English and American editions of the canon, as well as meanings of words that are different in modern usage, or words that are no longer used in contemporary English.

In a novel such as A Study in Scarlet, for example, which contains numerous references to Mormon history, the Oxford notes can be absolutely indispensable.  A good example comes in A Study in Scarlet in the second part, which is, of course, mostly a flashback to Jefferson Hope's background in America on the Mormon frontier.  One of the Mormons who rescues Lucy and John Ferrier refers to "the Angel Merona." The Oxford note reads as follow: "Angel Merona: the Angel was in fact called Moroni, whose Irishness ACD may have subconsciously rejected.  He was the son of Mormon." (I can't help but think, the way the note is written, the syntax makes it seem as if ACD was the son of Mormon!)  These kinds of historical/literary details are very useful to help the modern reader appreciate the Sherlock Holmes canon more fully.

The interested reader may like to know that the full 9-volume set of The Oxford Sherlock Holmes is available as a box set (pictured above), so it's not necessary to acquire the set piecemeal, as I have done over the past few years.  However, it's rather pricy--$199 or more.  Incidentally, the Kindle versions that I have of a couple of the volumes are nicely laid out, with in-text links to the annotations, which enable the reader to flip back and forth between text and note, without the tedious flipping of pages one has to do with the print versions. (In print, the notes are all at the end of the book, which enables the reader to read the stories without being interrupted constantly by footnotes.)  I would say The Oxford Sherlock Holmes collection is a must for any serious Holmesian's collection.

[preppernewstoday]

This weekly column contains short excerpts. It includes responses to articles, practical self sufficiency items, how-tos and lessons learned, tips, tricks and news items. We may choose to post long e-mails as separate letters. -- F.J. suggested the following documentary film review over at American Thougher: The Story of Jewish Partisan Resistance during World War II. o o o Reader Pam B. suggested the following news story from Tennessee: Man discovers hidden TWRA camera at his property. o o o Len C., a blog reader, wrote: "We read your posts daily,. My wife and i have a comment about the Cartels Today articles. We are retired and live in Central Texas. However, we were talking to our Christian friends about the shortage of labor in Central Texas a few weeks back. Their dairy is closed and they are struggling to find labor to milk the cows and help with the farm. Their last hires were from Central America, and they were transferred via Cartels. They had to pay for their journey, and they also had to continue to pay a portion. This could mean that their families back home would suffer. They were told they weren't getting enough pay and they needed to find another job that paid more so that the Cartels could pay them more. This was an interesting twist. This is what I thought you'd find interesting. Please do not use my name in reference to this. My sheriff buddy said that we have a Cartel cell just down the street from me. I don't want to be watching my back for my remaining days. I'm 78+ now and would love to see 80. o o o Reader C.B. C.B. spotted this video: The US Military’s New Smart Optic That Aims for You. The XM-157. o o o H.L. H.L. o o o Simon, an Englishman, spotted this important piece of Internet misinformation. It could have been written by an A.I. to be used for link spamming and Amazon sales: Grim Warrior. What is the difference between a 22-inch long rifle and a 22-inch short rifle? The barrel length is what makes a 22-long rifle different from a 22-short rifle. The barrel length of a 22-inch rifle is shorter, so it's less precise. What is the difference between a 22-long rifle and a22LR? A 22LR rifle is longer than a 22LR rifle. The difference lies in the size of the bullet. The bullet size of a 22LR is smaller, so it's less powerful. Could they have done it more wrong? This website is chock full of similar know-nothing dreck. Another gem of incompetance. (It seems to have been copied from another website's description for a modern optical sight. ): There are some things you should keep in mind when using the 1891 Mauser sights. These sights can only be used with rifles that have a scope. To use the sights, you must have a scope mounted to your rifle. You will not be allowed to use the sights if you don't have one. Keep in mind that the 1891 Mauser sights were not made for open sight use. Open sights on your rifle will prevent you from using the sights. You will need to take out the open sights if you wish to use the sights. JWR's Comments: I'm sorry, but they don't have a website with their expert advice about how to apply a tourniquet. o o o Tom J. made this comment about Pat Cascio’s latest article: Pat's compressor and storage tanks are a great option. They can be used to recharge your PCP air rifles/guns. There is nothing quieter, less maintenance and more simple to use. o o o Robert P., a reader, offered this comment on the same article: Tire pressure sensors are found on most modern cars and trucks, so "Fix-a Flat" will not work. These can be replaced at a cost of $125 o o o This YouTube video is a fascinating five-minute long: Man Discovers Secret Passage in His 500-Year Old Home's Library. o o o Reader Mark McC. wrote: "Thank you, thankyou for today's post about the dangers of CBDCs. They are not covered in sufficient detail anywhere. I hope that you will write a post in the future to encourage readers to prepare for CBDC implementation.

This could be done by purchasing PMs or other tangibles. Then, they can establish a service or product trading system and see how daily living outside of this beastly system. o o o Tim J. liked this 22 minute video: Ken Hackathorn analyses Red Dot Sights in handguns and explains the pros and cons. Masterclass EP 31 o o o National digital ID cleared congressional hurdle amid concerns it could be used. D.S.V. For the link. o o o This was sent by Reader M.J. "I liked the Preparedness for a Shoestring Budget article. It's a great place to start. I have never smoked and don't drink as much alcohol as I used. I don’t have cable TV or streaming services, and I make most of my meals from scratch. I have many DVDs and books that I borrow from the library. Inflation is a problem. The lack of time is another factor. Because I have a full time job, I wasn't able to enjoy my garden as much as I should have. I am also studying for a certificate that will allow me to find a job that will keep inflation at bay. Money is a concern but time is my real poverty. The plus side is that I work a hybrid schedule so I can still get things done at home between flights. It's a great way of saving money (gasoline, vehicle maintenance, and time) and I recommend that fellow SB readers do the same. My experience is that time is the greatest barrier to independence (preparation) for anyone. The Federal Reserve increases the dollar's value, which means that more people have to work in jobs that are of questionable utility to society to stay ahead. This may be a feature and not a problem: People who work are less likely cause trouble. Although I don't think it is possible to eliminate paid work, I believe that 40 hours per week was not inherited from Mount Sinai. o o o Another one from H.L. : 5 people are trapped in the Grand Canyon Caverns by a broken elevator o o o And, lastly, D.S.V. D.S.V. also sent us this: Sandy Hook Families Demand $2.75 Trillion in Losses From Alex Jones. JWR's Comments: Do I need to update the meme? We would love to receive your snippets JWR would appreciate your snippets. AVL. E-mail and our Contact form are both options.

[lettheladylead]

running in circles

chapter twenty-one: i wanna know me like you do summary: Goldie visits Duckburg after a long, long absence. warnings: references to sex, nothing explicit wordcount: 4710 playlist (will be updated as chapters are posted): shorturl.at/bfBCQ ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33776632/chapters/91579945

here’s chapter twenty-one!! text will also be included in this post for those of you that don’t use ao3:

1949; Duckburg:

On her trip from China to Iran to France to Canada to Calisota, Goldie had plenty of time to catch up on some of the things she’d missed.

First big thing: there’d been another World War. Alright. That one thing contained a lot of little pieces of information and she spent a nine-hour flight just trying to learn as much as she could about it. It certainly explained all the fear and anxiety from the Chinese civilians she’d interacted with.

Second big thing: the planes she’d been a passenger on were much nicer than they used to be. Felt safer and more comfortable. So some significant technological advancements had happened. Goldie wondered if Scrooge had anything to do with any of that.

She’d looked him up when she got to France, happy to browse the French newspapers since it was a language she’d been familiar with since her childhood. She found an article about Scrooge investing in some German airship that crashed and killed a bunch of people. She found articles about how Scrooge, as of 1947, was the second-richest man in the world. How did they determine something like that? It seemed like it’d be a hard number to come up with out of the blue.

But still, she was happy for him. That was what he wanted, after all.

It was frustrating to hear about how well he was doing, though. Goldie didn’t want him to be a miserable sack of pathetic nothingness, but she had hoped her being out of his life for such a long time would at least have thrown him off his game. She didn’t see anything from the mid- to late-1930s that indicated he’d had a meltdown of any sort, so...she supposed he didn’t care all that much.

Privately, she hoped he’d hid it well.

---

Goldie wandered through Duckburg with a hollow feeling in her chest. The whole town looked so different than the last time she’d been there. There were new stores and shops everywhere, so many cars, so many more people. But Scrooge’s mansion on top of the hill and his giant money bin looked exactly the same.

It reminded her that Scrooge wasn’t someone who liked to change. He’d be the same old Scrooge she’d known for fifty years.

She paused in her stroll as the number fifty repeated in her head.

Fifty years was a long time. She’d known Scrooge for more than half her life.

Goldie turned and looked in a nearby window, seeing how long her hair had gotten. Her bangs had grown out completely and it made her feel weird to see a hairstyle she hadn’t sported since she was a teenager.

As she glanced down at her torn and ratty clothes, Goldie figured she should at least make herself presentable. It wasn’t like she was trapped anymore. She could go shopping and eat nice food and get a haircut before barging back into Scrooge’s life. From all the reading material she found, it didn’t seem like he had a wife or anything, but that didn’t mean he was alone. She wanted to show him the same face he’d fallen for so many years ago.

It was hard to put off seeing him any longer, but Goldie figured an extra hour or two wouldn’t make much of a difference.

---

Scrooge McDuck was old and tired.

At the tender age of eighty-two, he’d been all around the world, collected hundreds of treasures and artifacts, he’d traveled to dozens of different dimensions and made friends and enemies in each and every one of them. He’d climbed mountains and found sunken ships. He routinely fought off evil witches who appeared out of nowhere and he regularly dealt with a gigantic family of criminals who were trying to steal his fortune.

Since he started out as a poor foreign boy trying to make it in America on his own, Scrooge definitely considered himself a success story.

That being said, despite all his riches and businesses - he fixed his family’s ancestral castle and he had his own butler! - Scrooge felt like he was missing something.

He knew what it was. He knew who it was. But she’d died over a decade ago and Scrooge hadn’t even considered the possibility of moving on. He’d known since the 1910’s that no one would ever make him feel the same way that Goldie did. 

Scrooge sighed and walked over to his desk, pulling out a thin, white envelope with his name scribbled across the front. Thinking about Goldie always made him want to reread her letter. It was hard, but when he’d first received it he spent months thinking about it every…single…day.

“Mr. McDuck? Here’s your mail.”

“Just put it on the pile,” Scrooge scowled and waved a dismissive hand at his butler. “All a bunch of bills ‘n charities beggin’ for my money!”

“Actually, sir…” Quackmore said hesitantly. “There’s something new today.”

“And what’s that?”

“...a handwritten letter from Miss O’Gilt.”

Scrooge’s head whipped around and he stared at the envelope in his butler’s hands. After a few seconds of hesitation and anxiety, he forewent all his paperwork and grabbed it, gripping the edge of the envelope roughly.

Quackmore didn’t say anything as Scrooge held the envelope up to the light of the window, trying to see through it. It was obviously just a piece of paper inside. But a piece of paper could still contain a lie or a con. There was no way to say one way or another without opening it up.

“...would you like me to leave, sir?” Quackmore asked.

Scrooge sighed and held the envelope in both hands. “I got a letter from Goldie once before. Only once.”

Quackmore didn’t respond, assuming Scrooge wasn’t interested in a two-way conversation.

“I didnae read it. Didnae even look at it. I just assumed her words would be cruel and awful so I threw it in the snow and never looked back.” Scrooge ran his thumb over his name, the ink smearing a little bit. “I cannae do that again. But...what could she possibly be writin’ me about?”

His butler frowned and felt the urge to comfort Scrooge, though he quickly ignored that urge and straightened his back again. “There’s only one way to find out, sir.”

“Right. Of course,” Scrooge mumbled. He glanced at the address the letter came from and frowned. “Mongolia? She’s...still there? After two years?” His brain started overthinking and Scrooge wondered if her ‘contact’ from their Gobi Desert adventure was more than just a ‘contact’. Maybe she got married and moved there and this letter was just her way of breaking the news!

Quackmore shifted his feet awkwardly as he watched his boss having a brief mental breakdown. “Um...sir?”

Scrooge shook his head and looked up. “Yes?”

“...the letter?”

“O-oh. Right, yes.” He was visibly nervous as he tore the edge of the envelope. He knew he was thinking too hard. Was Goldie the type of person to settle down? No, of course not. And if she was, then...why would she always be popping into Scrooge’s life? He didn’t really think he was her dirty little secret. If anything, she was his!

Scrooge pulled the letter out of its envelope and frowned at himself. No, she wasn’t his secret. He genuinely loved her and if she really loved him and wanted him to, then he would parade her around the world for everyone to see. But she didn’t, so he wouldn’t.

He unfolded the paper and felt his heart jump at the date in the corner. The letter was written two years ago. She wasn’t still in Mongolia, then. So why did it only send now?

Not wanting to lose to his anxieties, Scrooge finally started to read Goldie’s words. The letter wasn’t long, but it said a lot. A lot more than he ever imagined getting from her.

Quackmore desperately wanted to know what the letter said, but continued to stand there because Scrooge hadn’t dismissed him properly and he knew from Goldie-related experiences that his boss might need a drink or to go for a drive immediately after. She had a hold on him that Quackmore did not understand, but he was never one for romance. Still, he was curious. And his curiosity only grew when Scrooge started to laugh.

“...Mr. McDuck?” Quackmore asked.

Scrooge had covered his eyes with one hand and started laughing while he put the letter down on his desk. His laugh sounded hollow and pained, and as he pulled his hand away Quackmore could see his boss was crying.

Unable to stop himself, Quackmore grabbed the letter and scanned it quickly before Scrooge could take it away from him.

“Oh...Mr. McDuck, I’m so sorry,” he said quietly, putting the letter back down. “Are you, um...do you need anything?”

Scrooge’s shoulders were shaking and he was staring up at the ceiling, unable to stop himself from crying and unable to get up from his chair. He felt like he was going to pass out. “Of course Goldie manages to break me again!”

Quackmore frowned.

“Even from the afterlife, she just…” Scrooge leaned forward and grabbed the letter again. “...she just completely...she always knows how to ruin me.”

Listening to his boss was making him feel anxious, so Quackmore finally decided to leave the room. “I’ll go get you something to drink.”

Scrooge didn’t respond and just read Goldie’s words over and over again. He couldn’t stop. Every curve and angle in her handwriting was captivating and he never wanted to look away. He wished so much that he could’ve seen her one last time.

Scrooge -

If you’re getting this, I’m probably dead. I can’t really explain how or why because I don’t know yet. But I’m about to do something a bit stupid and dangerous, so I thought I should write a little something for you just in case I never come back.

I hope you know that I love you. I really do. Despite everything, I always enjoy waking up next to you and listening to you talk in your sleep. I miss you when we’re not together. And we aren’t together often, so...I miss you a lot.

This is turning into a lot of sappy bullshit. I guess potentially being on death’s door will do that to a person. I don’t know. Maybe I won’t be dead, maybe I’ll just be lost. But don’t waste your time trying to find me. I know you've got better things to do with your time.

Alright, this is getting long. I was supposed to keep it short and sweet, but thinking about saying goodbye to you is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I guess I should've known, you've been the biggest part of my life and I wouldn't be who I am without you.

XOXO

GG

For days, Scrooge had thought the letter was a trap.

He didn't understand what the trap could be or where Goldie was or why she'd sent him a letter that was so...emotional and heartbreaking, but he didn't want to believe that Goldie could be dead. She'd survived so much and the idea of her just throwing it away to chase some dangerous scheme was a bit too much for him.

For over a year, Scrooge assumed Goldie was still alive and would come back any day. She'd sent the letter to goad him, and when he didn't respond she would have to come get him herself.

After all that time with no response, Scrooge finally took a trip back to Dawson. Her properties were still there and he knew she spent a decent amount of time in town. But the Blackjack employees were no help. They hadn't seen her in years.

Years.

It was at that point, in 1936, that Scrooge had finally started to accept the reality. Goldie O'Gilt was most likely dead. She was dead and...she loved him. Actually, genuinely loved him. Why did he have to learn both things at the exact same time? Was there anything in the world more cruel than that?

There was still a little part of him that was holding onto the ‘most likely’ and all the (many) questionable parts of Goldie’s letter, so for two more years Scrooge checked in on her hotel every other month just to see if they’d heard anything. Each time they had not. And eventually the woman at the front desk said she’d checked the other hotels, and Goldie hadn’t been at any of them, either.

Scrooge faltered at the concept of other hotels. Then he thought back to his and Goldie’s conversations over the years and realized he’d thought she was exaggerating her own success or lying to get into fancy parties. But when he looked into it, it seemed that...Goldie did own a few hotels. All around the world. And they were nice. He had a brief moment of frustration when he realized he could’ve been staying in her hotels, probably for free, when he was on business trips in those cities.

He sighed and laid his head down on his desk. 

By 1938, Scrooge had given up. Goldie was dead somewhere in Mongolia, which was foreign and empty and vast and they’d never be able to find her, and he would never see her again.

Scrooge was sad. More than that, he was depressed. He had a lot of regrets when it came to Goldie and he’d never had someone so close to him die before. There were so many unanswered questions and things unsaid and he needed to talk to her again! But he couldn’t. And when Quackmore mentioned needing a day off to go to his brother’s funeral, Scrooge was hit with an idea that would get him back on his feet.

He needed to give Goldie a funeral.

He didn’t know anyone else that knew her (not the way he knew her, at least). And if he was being honest, he just wanted this to be between them. A quick flight up to Dawson, a visit to the old cabin, a glass of whiskey and a few goodbyes. That’s all he needed.

When that was done, Scrooge did his best to focus and get Goldie off his mind. For years, he didn’t think about love or romance. When his sisters visited or he visited his parents and they all harassed him about a wife and kids, he brushed them off like they were fools. He didn’t need any of that.

So in the far off year of 1949, when the doorbell rang one Saturday afternoon while Scrooge was in the kitchen with some guests, he absolutely could never have guessed who would be on the other side.

---

The man who answered the door was the same butler from last time. Goldie thought he looked a lot older, but she supposed that was because...he was. Still young, though, maybe forty? He definitely wasn’t old. Not like Scrooge. And not like her.

She was glad she’d stopped for new clothes and a haircut before coming over, though, because the butler’s face was absolutely hilarious.

“M-Miss...O’...Gilt?!”

Goldie crossed her arms over her chest and stuck out her hip. The mid-length skirt she’d picked out was flowing nicely in the breeze and definitely gave her more of an entrance. “That’s me. Is Scrooge here?”

“He’s...I don’t, um…” Quackmore looked concerned and confused, looking at Goldie, then back into the manor, then back to Goldie again. “I need to...just, uh…pardon me, but…” He suddenly reached out and poked Goldie in the shoulder, then recoiled his arm as she glared. “My apologies. Please give me a minute.”

He shut the door in her face and Goldie pouted. Rude. She politely came to the door and rang the bell and he just shut her out?

She leaned to the left to try and look in the window, seeing a silhouette that was definitely probably Scrooge and the silhouette of his butler. There was some conversation happening, but she couldn’t hear a word of it. Then Goldie saw another silhouette and wondered who that could be. Scrooge’s new girlfriend? Maybe. Seemed unlikely. But it would explain the door in her face.

The silhouettes seemed to freeze for a moment, then the shadow she recognized as Scrooge ran out towards the front door. In only a second, the front door was open again and she was face-to-face with the man of the house.

He didn’t look much older. Maybe he’d found another fountain of youth or something. But seeing his face again did make her heart skip a beat. Several beats. It was beating so fast that she couldn’t hear it anymore. Her arms dropped to her sides and she felt suddenly very nervous. Especially since he hadn’t said a single word since he laid his eyes on her.

Scrooge’s face was unreadable. Over the years she’d figured him out and gotten used to all his little quirks and expressions. But at that moment, Goldie didn’t know what to expect. She didn’t know what was going on in his head. Was he mad? Had he thought she was dead? Had he...read her letter?

“...Goldie,” Scrooge said finally. He stepped forward and put a hand against her cheek, cradling her face. “Is it really you?”

She sunk into his hand, her heart jumping into her throat as she realized how long it’d been for him since they were last together. “Who else would it be?”

He breathed out a short laugh and stepped even closer, bringing their foreheads together. “Goldie girl…” Scrooge’s other hand came up and cupped her other cheek. 

Being held by him made Goldie feel safer than she had in years.

“I thought...I...where were you? It’s been so long.”

“I was away,” she mumbled, trying to ignore the warm feeling spreading throughout her chest and failing miserably. “Not on my own terms. But...now I’m back.”

“You are,” he answered, his eyes sparkling. “And you look even younger than the last time I saw you.”

“The power of a good haircut,” Goldie laughed. She moved her hands to his shoulders while he continued to hold her face. “So are you gonna kiss me or what?”

Scrooge smiled brightly, but he had the beginnings of tears in his eyes. “First, I, um...we should talk about your, uh...your letter-”

“Mmm, no,” she said quickly, cutting him off. “You should forget about that and kiss me and invite me inside.”

With a sigh - a happy sigh, Goldie noticed - Scrooge obliged and pulled her beak to his for their first kiss in a long, long time. For her...she’d waited longer. But the longing in his kiss was contagious and Goldie felt herself yearning for him as if she’d felt all sixteen years pass. She’d missed him so much in such a short amount of time...if his feelings were anywhere close to hers, then he must’ve been miserable.

If being the key word. But he certainly didn’t not miss her.

“SCROOGE! Where’d you go?!”

Goldie and Scrooge separated at the sound of a woman’s voice from inside the manor. Scrooge looked annoyed at the interruption and Goldie felt a boatload of questions piling up in her head.

“Did you really just kiss me when you have another woman here?” Goldie asked judgmentally, though she hadn’t moved her arms from around his neck. Or moved her body so it wasn’t pressed against his.

“Another wo...oh, no, God, no,” Scrooge said, starting out confused and transforming into outright disgust. “No, they’re not-”

“Matilda, go get him! It’s his turn!”

“SCROOOOOGE! Monopoly isn’t goin’ to play itself, ye-”

Scrooge and Goldie froze in their spot, staring at the loud woman who’d just made her way into the foyer. She had a flower in her hair. Goldie could’ve sworn she’d seen her before.

The woman cupped her hands around her beak and screamed, “HORTENSE! You might want to come oooouut here!”

Scrooge groaned and finally let go of Goldie, hiding his head in his hands. His face was bright red and Goldie finally realized what was going on.

“Ah...these are your sisters, aren’t they?”

Scrooge nodded just as the second woman entered the room, her feathers curled up all around her face. The two of them had several features similar to Scrooge’s - Goldie could definitely see the family resemblance. Plus, well. The accents.

They both looked very young. Goldie knew they’d been around since before the Gold Rush, so she was extremely curious about that. The one with the flower in her hair could’ve been as young as twenty-five, and the curly-haired one looked even younger than that. If they weren’t his sisters, Goldie might’ve been feeling a bit insecure about her age at that moment.

She thought about the hair dye that was applied to her head just a few hours earlier. Maybe she was a bit insecure either way.

“Matilda, do my eyes deceive me?” asked the curly-haired sister. “Is that our brother...with a girl?”

“Oh, Hortense, it’s true!” Matilda answered in a dramatic pose. “Our big brother is finally growin’ up! You wouldnae believe the amount of kissin’ I just walked into!”

“Kissin’?! Surely you couldnae mean our dear sweet brother would kiss someone without marryin’ her first!” Hortense added with a laugh. “After what he said about me and Quackmore, I assumed he would propose before even holdin’ her hand!”

The two girls continued their little show for a minute while Goldie turned her focus back to Scrooge. He looked absolutely mortified. As much as Goldie wanted to milk this for all it was worth and go share embarrassing stories with the pair of them, she also really just wanted to spend some alone time with Scrooge. It’d been a very long time since she’d had intimate contact with another person. Had it been as long for him? She wasn’t going to ask.

“Scrooge.”

“Hrmmm. Yes?” Scrooge grumbled quietly.

Goldie grabbed him by the lapels of his sportcoat and pulled him closer. “Tell your sisters to give us one hour of privacy, alright? Just an hour.”

The smile reappeared on his face and Scrooge ignored his sisters as they started whooping when he wrapped his arms around Goldie again. “Goldie girl, an hour won’t be enough time with you.”

“We’ll make it count,” Goldie said, giving him a brief peck on his beak.

Scrooge’s sisters started oooohing at that and Scrooge’s face quickly turned from joy to anger. Goldie found it very charming. She’d never seen him with his family before, so this felt like...a new step for them. Something different.

---

sex summary: https://sites.google.com/view/running-in-circles/summaries/nsfw21

---

“So...where were you?”

Goldie sighed from her spot laying against Scrooge’s shoulder. She just wanted to keep playing with the feathers on his chest, not talking about all the stupid shit she went through. “Away.”

Scrooge had his arm around her and he pulled her closer. “Goldie…”

“I went through an interdimensional portal and couldn’t find my way out again, alright?” Goldie answered quickly. “I traveled through two dozen different worlds, some of them terrifying and deadly, and then finally made it back here. And I guess I missed a lot because our world is very different than it was before.”

He blinked at her rapidly, trying to soak in all that information. “You were...I...are you...alright?”

“Really?”

“Okay, yes, I know you’re alright. But...well. I’m glad you’re here, then.” Scrooge started running his fingers through her hair. “Sixteen years is a long time.”

“Well…” Goldie started, still debating whether or not she wanted to share every little detail with him. “For me, actually...it hasn’t even been two years. Or at least it didn’t feel like any longer than that.”

“Oh?” Scrooge raised his eyebrows, thinking about that. “Some kind of time travel? Or did time work differently over there?”

“No idea.”

Scrooge paused for a moment and then slowly turned his body so he was next to Goldie and completely facing her. “So you missed me this much after only two years? I guess...you really do love me.”

Goldie’s eyes widened and her cheeks turned pink - though there was a bit of nervousness in his voice, Scrooge knew he had the upper hand at that particular moment. He wanted to bring up that letter and she wasn’t going to let them just move past it without addressing the gigantic elephant in the room. Love. Love.

She stupidly used that stupid word in her stupid letter ‘cause she stupid thought she was going to stupid die. Stupid! It wasn’t like he’d ever said as much to her. She assumed because of her hair in his box, but it wasn’t necessarily true. Was he going to mock her for having feelings? Goldie wondered if she should just brush it off and pretend being unsure of her own survival made her feel things that weren’t there. She didn’t really love him, she just wanted to feel something strong before her untimely demise!

Scrooge placed his hand against her cheek again and Goldie’s eyes were drawn to his. He looked so sincere and his cheeks were also quite red and she could tell he wanted to talk about it. He wanted to talk about them and their feelings and…

...and Goldie wasn’t sure. She just...she didn’t know where that would lead. Or if she wanted to go wherever that was. But there was no benefit to arguing about it, no joy in starting a fight. She still wanted to be there with him in that moment. So…

“...and what if I do?”

The shyness in Goldie’s voice combined with her inability to keep eye contact was keeping a big smile on Scrooge’s face. He thought, for sure, that she would deny everything and move on without addressing the letter. He absolutely did not want to do that. But instead she asked him exactly the right question.

“Then...I’d probably say I love you, too,” Scrooge said quietly as he brought his beak closer to hers.

Goldie closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, trying not to get too ahead of herself. He was feeling a lot of feelings after thinking she was dead for over a decade. A few decades ago she would’ve convinced herself that his feelings were a lie, but now she knew better. He definitely did love her. But...he might’ve been overselling it a little. Just because of how excited he was.

Well...for once, she didn’t mind. Maybe she could enjoy being loved, just that once.

Their beaks crashed together in another kiss.

---

sex summary: https://sites.google.com/view/running-in-circles/summaries/nsfw21#h.ufjt2xx4dnq7

---

“Kathmandu?”

“Mhmm,” Scrooge said with a nod. “I have it on good word that King Malla’s gold is hidden there. And it’s a lot of gold.”

“Huh.” Goldie was cuddled against his side and picking at the feathers on her fingertips. It sounded like it could be a fun trip and a good way to get them back into the swing of things. But… “Are you in a hurry?”

Scrooge raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean...can it wait a month or two? I want to go check on some...investments. And some people that I haven’t seen in almost two decades.”

He didn’t answer for a few seconds and then breathed out a happy sigh. “You came here first?”

Goldie blushed and shoved her elbow into his side. “We’ve already established that I missed you, sourdough, time to move on.”

Scrooge rolled his eyes and kissed her on the top of her head. “Yes, yes. How long do ye need?”

“Give me three months to get my life back in order. Then...meet in New Delhi?”

“Sounds perfect,” Scrooge mumbled, leaning in for another kiss.

Goldie kissed him back and then smirked. “But for now...I’m very curious to meet your other houseguests.”

Scrooge frowned. “I dinnae think you need to talk to them.”

“Oh, but I do.”

“They’re very annoyin’, you willnae like ‘em.”

“But you’re annoying and I still like you.”

“Annoy-?! Now that’s the pot callin’ the kettle black!”

“Are you trying to say something, Scroogey?”

---

---

the following links leads to graphic/explicit sexual text, please do not read if under 18 but if you do anyway please dont tell me you did lol https://sites.google.com/view/running-in-circles/summaries/nsfw21

---

REAL HISTORY FACTS:

- Okay so Goldie actually would not have been able to get out of China by plane in 1949 BUT sometimes I must embellish. So China to Iran to France to Canada she went.

DUCK FRANCHISE REFERENCES:

- The 1950s is when the original duck comics took place. I guess that's not really a reference it's just a fun fact. Now they just take place whenever they want so that they can have cell phones and laptops but also Scrooge's riches started in the Klondike gold rush. It doesn't matter lol - In Don Rosa's comics, when Scrooge gets Goldie's letter (that contains her feelings and hopes for their relationship), he thinks it's a rejection letter. So he throws it into the snow and never reads it. Then they don't see each other again for 50 years. Fun! - I don't think my characterization of Quackmore is all that accurate, but his writing is kind of all over the place in the comics. It's hard to get a consistent read on him. - Matilda and Hortense love to tease Scrooge about Goldie. That's only canon from one panel but it just feels right lol

[mimzy-writing-online]

Writing A Blind/Visually Impaired Character: Canes, Guide Dogs, O&M

Wow, back in June I decided to take a few months break from blogging to recharge and focus on my mental health. About a month ago I began writing this specific post, slowly and in stages because of how demanding, detailed, and long it is.

I’m not sure when I planned to come back. I have about 200 posts with tags and image description in my drafts folder, waiting to be queued, but I wanted to finish this guide before I fully came back.

Come back with a bang, right?

But this blog, and specifically, my Writing a Blind or Visually Impaired Character  guide, has gotten so much traffic and support that I felt incredibly motivated to come back now.

So I finished the guide, and now here it is. It’s been a year+ in the making. Since the very beginning of this writing advice series about writing blind characters, I’ve promised to write a guide specifically about canes, guide dogs, O&M, and other accessibility measures the blind community relies on. 

In fact, if you look at my master post for this guide (now pinned at the first post on my blog) you’ll find that it was reserved as Part Four, even as other guides and additions were added over the last year.

In this post I’ll be explaining 

What Orientation and Mobility (O&M) is

How one learns O&M

About canes, from different types of canes and their parts, as well as how to use a cane. 

I will be explaining the sensory experiences of using a cane and how to describe it in narrative. 

I will include small mannerisms long-time cane uses might develop. 

At the very end will be a section on guide dogs, but this will be limited to research because I have no personal experience with guide dogs, being a cane user.

Disclaimer: I am an actual visually impaired person who has been using a cane for nearly three years and has been experiencing vision loss symptoms for a few years longer than that. This guide is based on both my experiences and my research. My experiences are not universal however because every blind person has a unique experience with their blindness

What Is Orientation & Mobility

Orientation and Mobility (O&M) is the specific skill of understanding and navigating the world safely and confidently with vision loss.

I’m going to quote Vision Aware’s specific definition [link]

"Orientation" refers to the ability to know where you are and where you want to go, whether you're moving from one room to another or walking downtown for a shopping trip.

"Mobility" refers to the ability to move safely, efficiently, and effectively from one place to another, such as being able to walk without tripping or falling on steps or elevation changes, crossing streets, and using public transportation

O&M can involve :

-learning how to use a cane, as well as what cane works best for you

-safely navigating obstacles with your cane, including stairs, ramps, elevators, uneven or curved sidewalks, through crowds, around furniture

-learning safe strategies for crossing the street

-planning routes to new or recurring locations

-using technology enroute, including GPS and apps like Uber and Lyft

-safely accessing public transportation

-how to ask for help when needed

-working with human sighted guides

A Note on the Blind Community and Their Relationship with Canes

The Perkins School for the Blind estimates that only 2-8% of the blind community rely on canes for navigation. The rest rely on remaining vision, guide dogs, and sighted guides. Only about 2% of the blind community relies on guide dogs however, and to get a guide dog in the first place, a person must go through O&M classes and use a cane for six months before they can sign up for a guide dog.

What this means is that 90% of the blind community don’t use a cane.

I didn’t know this fact until I begun research for this guide, and that number astounds me. 

Truth be told, while I have navigated my life without a cane before, I can’t imagine going back to the way it was before I got it. Even if I only need my cane some of the time, I can’t bear to not use it in the situations I need it. Having a cane made my life a lot easier, a lot safer.

I don’t know what to attribute this number to.

I might attribute it to the concepts of invisible vs. visible disability, internalized ableism, or the feeling of ‘not being blind enough’ for a cane, as well as accessibility to the blind community and knowledge, and access to buying a cane in the first place. I could write a thing about it, but if I try it’s gonna be its own post.

Onward~

How Do You Learn O&M? How Will My Character Learn?

You will have to find an Orientation and Mobility instructor and have them personally teach you O&M skills.

The O&M Instructor is a sighted adult who has gone to school for a bachelor’s degree and gone through O&M training themselves while blindfolded, usually fulfilling a certain requirement of hours (one program required 400 hours of O&M practice blindfolded before you could become certified), and apply for certification to teach O&M.

(Or, as is the process to become an instructor in the United States, where I am from. Becoming an instructor would vary in other countries, I’m sure)

To find an O&M instructor, you would reach out to your local school or foundation for the blind. Finding your nearest school for the blind could be done through…

Google search

Your Ophthalmologist (eye doctor) referring you to a school for the blind

A Social Service Worker reaching out to you and helping you contact the school

Possibly your school (as in grade/primary school, high school, university) reaching out to the nearest school for the blind on your behalf.

Unfortunately, there is not an abundance of schools and foundations, so your nearest might still be a far travel distance. My local school is a 45 minute drive away. For some it might a few hours away. 

This is, again, a U.S. experience, because our land mass is spaced out, and something like a six hour drive feels like nothing to most people (although is highly impractical and very difficult to a blind person who cannot drive themselves), but in other countries a six hour drive would mean crossing several borders, and other countries have different social programs.

There is not a full and complete database of every available school for the blind either, no one website to find every possible option. For example, the school I went to wasn’t listed in most of the website resources I found, even though it has seven branches and locations. 

This is more a complaint at the real life struggle to find disabled services, that there are few comprehensive resources out there. If you ask me, it should be made significantly easier to find and access your local blind communities. Accessibility and disabled services should be easily available everywhere.

If your story is based in a real world location, googling ‘school for the blind (city/county/country)’ should suffice in finding the one most local to your setting.

What might a school for the blind provide for your character?

Well, on top of helping your character connect to an O&M instructor, a school for the blind might provide other rehabilitation classes and access to additional resources.

Those rehabilitation classes could include lessons on:

-Reading/Writing Braille & using brailling machines

-Technology classes for screen readers, magnifiers, etc on your computer and smart phone.

My local school has separate classes specific to Andriod, iOS, JAWS, Zoomtext Fusion

-Independent Living skills (cooking, cleaning, organizing, planning how to get groceries and medications)

-Self Improvement (dancing, art, music, self defense. These were classes my school taught)

The additional resources form these schools might include- 

Referrals to counselors for coping with vision loss

Access to their audio-book and braille library

Access to magnifier devices, brailler machines (think of a typewriter for writing braille)

Some schools also offer grade-school or high-school education, meaning blind children/teens learn there instead of a mainstream school.

Some schools have lodgings for clients to stay at while going through rehabilitation, especially if the vision loss is sudden and severe. They live on-campus and take part in classes. Other schools only have day classes offered and you need to find transportation for every visit. Many schools might have a rehabilitation specialist or O&M instructor visit you in your home.

My local school did the last two. They had on site classes, but the school is a 45 minute drive from me, so I only visited a few times. They were able to send an O&M instructor to me. 

On Wednesdays at 3 pm she would drive to my house and give me lessons on using my cane. Those included her driving me to different locations to practice certain skills (like using stairs and escalators at the mall, or crossing a moderately busy intersection, or visiting a bus station to practice boarding a bus safely and communication with a bus driver where my stop was).

She also brought multiple different types of canes for new students to try out and determine which felt best for them.

The Many Types of Canes

Long Canes are used to sweep the immediate area in front of the cane user as they’re walking. This is the cane type that the general public is most familiar with seeing. There are several sub-types of long canes. They can also be called white canes or probing canes.

[Image Description: Man in business clothes traveling on the side walk with a white and red cane. End Image Description]

White cane can be a misnomer for two reasons: One, the concept of the standard cane for the blind can look different in different countries. In America, the standard is white with a red tip. In some countries the standard is an all-white cane. In some countries an all white cane might mean the user is blind while a white cane with a red tip means the user is deaf-blind.

Two, some companies like Ambutech allow customers to customize their cane colors and tips. Example: Molly Burke’s hot pink cane. My white cane with a purple tip. An all black or all sky blue or all red or all purple cane. A black cane with a blue or purple tip. Ambutech also allows customers to request neon-colored reflective tape to make their canes more visible at night.

Probing cane is not a term I’ve personally heard before, but it is a term Vision Aware uses on their website.

There are three main types of long canes:

Non-folding Canes: a cane that has no sections, cannot be folded or collapsed.

[Image Description: stock photo of man in business suit with a non-folding all white cane. End Image Description]

Folding Canes: The cane has 3-6 sections depending on its height. The taller the cane, the more sections it has. The sections are separate pieces that are made to snap together and are held together by a strong elastic rope inside the sections.

[Image Description: a folding cane with four sections, white with a red tip, and a rolling marshmallow tip. End Image Description]

Telescopic Canes: in which the sections slide into each other, similar to a telescope/spyglass, rather than pulling apart and folding. The handle is the widest section, and the tip section is the thinnest.

[Image Description: Three stacked images of a blue telescopic cane. First is of the cane completely collapsed. Second is of the sections partially sliding out. Third is the cane sections completely out and locked.]

Beyond that is also the Identification Cane. The function of this cane is to visibly identify the user as blind. It’s not used for O&M the way long canes are, there is no sweeping out the next two steps. It can be used as a support cane, however. 

It’s appeals most to the elderly who not only make up a huge percentage of the blind community, but might also benefit most from having both a support cane and an identifier for their blindness, in case they need assistance. 

[Image Description: identification cane with curved handle. All white with red tip. End Image Description]

A note: From what I’ve heard in the blind community, some people prefer solid/non-folding canes over folding or telescopic canes. The reason for this is that solid canes transfer vibration better than folding or telescopic canes. It’s said that the more sections a cane has, the less precise the vibrations are. 

Some cane users train themselves to understand the vibrations of the surfaces their canes are touching. It tells them what kind of surface they’re on (wood vs. marble vs. concrete), if there are nearby objects to their cane. While I rely somewhat on cane vibrations to tell me what surface I’m walking on (more on that later), it is beyond my current O&M abilities to use cane vibrations to sense nearby walls or objects.

Cane vibrations are just an additional information-sense to add to the others in use, and extra bit of data input.

Parts of the Cane: Materials, Handle, Tips, Sections, Elastic Band

Material

The three most common types of materials used to make canes are aluminum, carbon-fiber, and fiberglass. Each material has some drawbacks and benefits.

The ideal cane is lightweight and durable. It should be strong enough to withstand hitting something solid without bending or splintering.

Aluminum is strong and durable, but heavy. If it’s damage, it’s more likely to bend than break entirely. A bend can be straightened out, but it takes considerable strength.

Carbon-fiber is lightweight and durable. It’s stronger than fiberglass, and it can bend out of shape rather than splintering.

Fiberglass is lightweight but a bit rigid. If it breaks, it splinters.

Handles and Elastic Bands

While some canes can have specialized grips (plastic, wood, corkboard) the most common handle material is a black rubber handle that is about ten inches long, give or take. In the previous photos you’ve seen, the canes have had black rubber handles.

Here is an example of a cane with a wood-mesh material used as the handle.

[Image Description: a four section white cane with a red tip and a orange wood mesh handle, with black elastic band attached. End Image Description]

The benefits of black rubber handles over others are that it’s easier to hold onto, especially if your palms are wet or sweaty, than a plastic or polished wood handle. It also wouldn’t show the indents or scratches from wear and tear daily use. I’m guessing that is cheaper to make on the manufacturing standpoint, and thus is conveniently the standard.

Pay attention to the black elastic band attached to the handle in the above photo. Notice how it has a tied off loop? That is so that when the cane is folded, that loop can be stretched over the folded sections to hold it together.

[Image Description: a four section folding cane folded up with the black band around them. End Image Description]

Additional benefits or functions of the elastic could be to use it as a wrist strap while using the cane, or hanging it up on a hook while not in use. I tend to have my cane folded up and tuck my wrist under the strap to hold it more securely while carrying it. Images of that ahead in my cane-isms section.

Cane Height

Ideal cane heights depend on the user. For most users, you want your cane height to be to your shoulder, give or take a few inches. You might need a longer cane if you are a fast walker with long strides, or a shorter cane if you prefer to hold your cane at a lower angle than is traditional.

What I mean when I talk about holding your cane at a certain angle is that the standard is to hold your cane handle in your dominant hand and position it in front of your belly button, moving it side to side with each step. Traditional grip methods are holding your hand palm side up with your cane in hand, or to hold the cane at the section joint closest to the handle with what is called the pencil grip, holding the cane like a fat pencil.

Depending on the height, a cane can have anywhere between three and six sections. Longer canes have more sections. The top section includes the handle, and the last section includes the stripe color (traditionally red, unless customized) and the tip. 

The sections of the cane are generally slightly reflective, regardless of color. If you hold a cane up to the light you’ll see tiny specks of light reflected back, almost like very fine, tiny particle glitter paint. This detail is important in cane production because it makes the cane more visible at night, especially if something like car headlights reflect off it while someone is crossing.

Additional visibility at night can be added by wrapping stripes of reflective tape along the shaft.

Cane Tips

There are several different tip options for canes.

[Image Description: four different types of cane tips on a blue background with labels. From left to right: marshmallow tip, ball tip, pencil tip, glide tip.]

[Image Description: a rolling marshmallow tip with a blue background. End Image Description]

[Image Description: Bandu basher tip with a white background. For anyone not familiar with the name, the long, curved cane tip that looks like a hockey stick. End Image Description]

Some of these tips are better for the tap-tap method of cane travel, as in tapping the spots where you plan to step. They can also be used to feel out the shapes of objects, stairs, etc. 

marshmallow tip, pencil tip, 

They should not be scraped over surfaces, the tips will wear down much faster than they should. There are better tips for rolling over surface

Some tips are better for the rolling method of cane travel, which is the method I use. They aren’t great for tapping, but it can be done in a pinch. 

rolling marshmallow tip, ball tip, glide tip

The Bandu Basher tip, the hockey stick shaped tip, is best for hovering an inch off the ground and lightly tapping objects. It could be tapped. It should not be scraped over the ground like a rolling tip. It hovers.

After enough use, the tips will wear down and need to be replaced. The part of the tip that has the most contact with the ground, usually the edge of the shape, gets scrapes, sands down, and eventually begins to look like it was shaved off while still having bits of plastic still gripped to it.

Never fear, cane tips can be removed and replaced when they wear out, replacing the whole cane is not necessary.

Some tips slip on or twist on. Others hook on. By hook on I mean that the elastic that keeps the cane sections together also has a loop at the tip end that a hook onto and stay held into place. Look back at the photo of the rolling marshmallow tip and you will see the hook that attaches to the black elastic.

Cane tips sell for about 5 - 10 U.S. dollars, plus shipping, so it’s advised to buy several back up tips with your cane. I replace my rolling marshmallow tips once every six to twelve months. I don’t know if that’s considered too much or too often. The last time I needed to replace mine was June 2019 (It’s July 2020 at the date of writing this, but I’ve hardly left my home for the last six months because of COVID-virus related quarantine/social distancing.)

Sensory Details/Describing What Using a Cane Feels Like

Every surface type feels and sounds different when tapping or rolling a cane over it. It’s this difference that tells us a lot about our environment.

It tells us when we stepped off the side walk onto the grass, when we’ve walked inside because the concrete changes to wood or carpet flooring. These little details become trail markers too, useful for places we anticipate traveling to a lot.

Example: A week before every semester in college, I would travel to each of the classrooms and learn necessary routes. I learned that certain paths had giant cracks in the sidewalk that would be distinct enough to use as a trail marker to where I was on a path, or that certain paths went from cement to gravel, or cement to brick.

Carpet: The sound is very soft, and if you’re rolling your cane across carpet it sounds like a quiet swish-swish-swish. Tapping sounds depend on how thick the carpet padding underneath is, the thicker the carpet the softer the sound. If there’s a lot of padding then taps don’t make much sound, but if the padding is thin or underneath the carpet is tile or concrete then you hear a louder thudding tap. It’s still pretty quiet. If you’re rolling the cane you would feel a little bit of drag, the cane moves slower over the carpet. The thicker or shaggier the carpet is, the more drag it has.

Wood floor: Cane tips make rumbling sounds when rolling over wood floors. The smoother the wood, the less it rumbles. There’s a little vibration moving from the cane tip, through the cane and into your hand as you roll over wood planks. Very small. The more sensitive you are to vibrations, the more you feel it. Tapping makes hallow, thudding sounds on the wood. Sometimes they sound a little snappish if you’re tapping harshly. You feel stronger vibrations when tapping. Older wood feels softer, with more give. New wood is stronger, more vibrations in the cane.

Tile:It depends on the size of the tiles and the wideness of the grout lines, but it’s not a pleasant feeling. Tiles have grout lines, which are little divets between the tiles. The smaller the tiles or rougher the grout lines are, the more the cane vibrates in your hands. Every bump is felt running from the cane to your hand. The sound is a little grating too. Imagine fifty sets of stiletto shoes walking on tile, that’s what it sounds like when you roll your cane over rough, small tiles. Larger tiles with smoother grout lines aren’t so bad. Tapping the tile with your cane sounds like one really loud step of a stiletto heal, one step for each tap. Tile floors are usually found in bathrooms, kitchens, and industrial locations where the room is going to have harder walls (more tile, concrete, etc) and few furniture, so the room echoes more.

Linoleum: is a smooth even surface. It feels like your cane is gliding when you roll it, barely feeling any vibrations. The rolling sounds are very soft because of the lack of bumps, however tapping sounds are a bit louder. Not as snappish as tile or marble, but almost.

Marble: is similar to linoleum in its smoothness. Your cane glides when rolling. Tapping sounds are sharp. Because marble floors are common in high end malls, luxury homes, and fancy office building entries, places that usually have high ceilings and hard walls with minimal decorations and minimalist furnishing, those sharp tapping sounds may echo. Assuming there isn’t too much noise and the environment is relatively quiet.

Concrete: (I’m referring to concrete found in parking garages and industrial buildings, not sidewalk) It depends on the age of the concrete and how it’s maintained. Old concrete with lots of cracks and mini-craters feels very different from smooth concrete that was set less than a year ago. With old concrete there’s a rattling sound as your cane tip rolls over the bumps and those vibrations travel up your cane. New concrete can feel similar to marble or linoleum. The taps are loud thuds on dull concrete and sharper on new concrete.

Sidewalks: are made of concrete, but in my experience they feel a little different than the above example. Sidewalks have a grittier surface, they’re slightly rougher, more dry. There’s a bit more rolling cane vibration with sidewalks and the taps have more of a thud sound. And because they’re outside, you’re unlikely to hear any echoes unless you’re walking in an alley or between buildings.

Asphalt: is one of the worst surfaces in my personal opinion. Asphalt is the material used in roads and it’s made to be rough and gritty so that car tires can grip onto it and not lose traction while driving. The older and more damaged it is, the rougher it is. Because it’s rough the vibrations are much stronger, sometimes irritatingly so. I can’t roll my cane over asphalt because the bones in my hand can’t handle those kinds of vibrations, so I almost always use the tapping method instead. The sounds are gritty and dull. Unfortunately, asphalt is an unavoidable surface, unless you can find a way to never need to cross a street or walk through a parking lot.

Note: the white or yellow lines that have been painted into asphalt sometimes feel smoother because of the material they’re made of and because they’re added after the asphalt has been laid down.

Note: There’s something called tarmac which is similar to asphalt, used for a similar purpose, and more common in the U.K. (I believe) but I can’t say that I’ve ever knowingly walked on it so I have no personal experience to give you.

Gravel: Another one of those evil surfaces. Gravel is just loose rocks and they’re common in rural roads, driveways, some landscaping. The looseness of them is what makes them untrustworthy. It makes a crunching sound. If you roll your cane, you’re likely to end up tossing small bits of rock and dust here and there. If you tap, you’ll hear the crunch but your brain might not translate that into “it’s gravel” until you’re walking on it and only realize when you walk over it and the sharp rocks begin digging into your shoes.

Wood Chips: I don’t have any experience with this since vision loss and getting a cane, so I’m using my memories of being on the playground in grade school because the surface on the playground was wood chips. I’d say wood ships are a love child between gravel and wood floors. The surface is loose and rolling your cane over it would kick up loose chips and dust. It would probably sound similar to walking on sand I think, because wood chips are much softer than gravel but not as consistent as wood. If it’s rained recently, then the waterlogged wood chips sound even softer.

Hard Dirt: I’m thinking dirt roads here, which are a lesser evil to asphalt and gravel. They can be rough like all roads, but the material isn’t has hard and solid. Rolling your cane will kick up dust on a dry day, but if it rained a few days ago you might hear a soft crunch as you roll over wet dirt. Tapping will have a very soft thud.

Soft Dirt: Think gardening dirt. Because it’s so soft, it makes very little sound and is easily kicked up. There’s a bit of drag, about the same or slightly more drag than grass or sand. Tapping has almost no sound but you might feel a slight give as your tip lands in the dirt, a slight resistance as it sinks in.

Mud: Yuck. I’m imagining this getting in my cane tip and how gross it would be after. Sound and feeling depend on how wet the mud is. Wet mud sounds slurpy. There’s more squish if you roll or tap your cane. Your character might not identify it right away until their shoes begin slipping as they walk over the mud. This is a personal experience. Drier mud sounds soft and feels almost solid underneath your cane. Wetter mud has more drag for a rolling cane. Muddy areas are also generally uneven because top soil has been displaced, so muddy hills and fields have unexpected but usually subtle changes in elevation.

Puddles: have both a slurpy and splash-splash sound. The slurpy sound is more common with rolling cane techniques. The splash sound is more common with tapping. The deeper the puddle, the louder is sounds and the more drag you experience. I am not fond of this texture/experience.

Snow: I have zero experience with snow since the development of blindness. So no experience of what it’s like to walk through with a cane. This is something I hope a blind reader can inform me on so I can edit this at a later date. My best guess is that it has a soft crunch, softer than the crunch of shoes in snow. A lot of drag too. Rolling through snow would probably be near impossible, especially if it’s deep snow or hard packed. Again, my best guess. The last time I experienced snow was when I was twelve.

Grass: One of my least favorites personally. Too much drag. Worse than shag carpeting. It’s very soft and doesn’t make much sound either. Like a crisp crunch you can barely hear. If the grass is wet or frosty you hear it a bit more crunch.

Surface with fallen Autumn leaves: Leaves everywhere! This is a bit dependant on whatever surface the leaves are on. It would soften the sound of cement, but there would be a louder crunch on grass. If the leaves are big and very curvy/pocketed then they’re easy to push aside. Smaller, flatter leaves don’t push as easily. The driest ones will crunch under your cane. It’s fun sometimes, if you’re the kind of person who likes stepping on leaves on purpose, but if you can’t see the leaves it might lose some of its fun and be more unexpected. 

Sand: I’ve never personally taken my cane to the beach, despite living so close to the coast. The reason is because beach sand is so squishy and loose that it’s already impossible to stay steady on your feet. The sand is always sinking under your feet, unless you’re next to the water line and the dampness has made it firmer. So a cane isn’t very useful to me at the beach. Not to mention that sand isn’t something you want inside your cane joints if you want the cane to last. Sand will erode and damage the joints, regardless of if they’re metal or plastic. If I were to take my cane to the beach, it would make the softest crunching-swishy noise of sand sliding over sand, similar to what your footsteps sound like on sand, but possibly even quieter because canes are lighter.

Side Note: My mother sarcastically asked about rolling your cane through dog poop or gum left on the floor. Can’t say I’ve ever rolled through it, so couldn’t tell you. Use your imagination I guess, Mum

The Invention of Tactile Paving

These are amazing! Tactile Paving are those yellow (or sometimes grey) bumpy squares you see on ramps leading into parking lots or when crossing the street. In 1965, Japanese engineer Seiichi Miyake used his own money to develop a tactile brick that you could feel even when walking over it with shoes, and he designed this because a friend of his was losing their vision and he wanted to help. These are amazing, and accessible to everyone, even the blind who don’t have a cane or guide dog. These are literal life savers. Before I got my cane, if I felt those bumps under my shoes I knew to immediately stop because I was about to walk into the road. Because less than 10% of the blind community uses canes or guide dogs, this is the most accessible form of blind aide available.

[Image Description: a yellow rectangle of tactile paving in front of a ramp leading into a parking lot. End Image Description]

Note: similar detail, most doors in commercial buildings (in my localized experience) have a metal plate on the threshold to hold the door in place so there are no cracks underneath. The metal scraping sound when you roll or tap your cane on it is distinct but temporary and non-repeating, so it’s a good indication that you’ve reached and passed the threshold.

Blind-isms

I have a section in this guide about blind-isms, but these ones are focused specifically on cane use.

-Do. Not. Touch. My. Cane. Don’t. Just fucking don’t.

-The above ism comes from the fact that our cane is our safety net, an extension of our body, our eyes, the one thing that makes sure we’ll get somewhere safely. For that reason, blind people hate having their canes (or their on duty guide dogs) touched by strangers, acquaintances, friends we’re not very close to, some family members.

Important Note: That is a universal thing for disabled people. Don’t. Touch. Their. Mobility Aides. It’s assault. Touching someone’s wheelchair or pushing them around without their expressed permission is assault. Moving their wheelchair while the user is currently standing is assault. (Most wheelchair users are not paralyzed, but they still need the wheelchair because of their medical condition, which is not your business to know). It doesn’t matter if the wheelchair is in the way, the disabled person needs it right there, do not touch it. Touching or grabbing someone’s support cane or their long cane is assault. Touching or moving someone’s walker is assault. Touching, poking at, or tampering with someone’s hearing aids is assault. Touching their oxygen tank or cannula is assault.

Back on topic-

-Idle motions with your cane while waiting in line. I often rest my chin on my cane or lean on it

-twirl my cane like a staff when I’m alone and no one can see. I would not ever do this in front of anyone because I don’t want anyone thinking it’s a toy or they can just touch or grab it. I’m just a little childish and bored sometimes and idle motions are a common thing for people with ADHD.

-When carrying my folded cane inside (like say a store) I hang it from my wrist by the strap.

-Keeping my cane within arms reach at all times, even in situations where I don’t need it currently. Example: if we’re doing a classroom assignment where I need to leave my desk, I know the classroom well enough to not use my cane, but I won’t leave it at my desk, ever. (This does not apply at home. And in the homes of a very few, very trusted friends I will leave it somewhere I deem safe.)

-Having a set, specific place in my home (living with my immediate family, who almost never have guests) for my cane. In my case, it’s the top of an antique dresser in the living room, across from the door. It has a little bowl for my sunglasses as well. If I move out and have roommates, my cane will be in my room.

-Love me a bag or backpack that has enough space to discretely store your cane, but most of my bags cannot do that.

-People with folding canes develop a muscle memory for folding and unfolding their cane, so they can do it without really thinking about it.

-Unfolding my cane: I hold the black handle between my thumb and palm with my other fingers folded over the remaining three sections, cane tip pointing up. I slide the elastic over the tip, loosen my four fingers and roll my wrist to the side. The red colored section unfolds first and snaps into place with its neighboring section. I roll my wrist in the opposite direction so the next white section can unfold and snap into place with it’s neighboring section. Roll it back in the first direction and the third section snaps into place with the handle. My four section cane is now unfolded and straight.

-Sometimes I just grab the black handle and let the sections fall and unfold as they will, but this is less controlled and risks your cane bumping into something or someone.

-Folding my cane: I start with the black handle, lifting it up so the joints unlock. I fold it down, grab both sections in my hand and lift the second section away from the third and fold it over. Wrap my hand over all three sections and unlock it from the red section.

-Because I have a four section folding cane, the cane tip and the handle are on the same side while the metal joints are on the opposite side. Those metal joints are what my elastic slips over.

-A three or five folding cane will have the head of the handle (and its elastic) on the opposite side of the cane tip, and you will be folding the elastic over the cane joints and tip.

-A six section cane has the tip and handle facing the same direction like the four section cane.

-People with non-folding canes like leaning their canes up against walls and other objects when not in use. Corners are popular, the corner of a desk up against a wall too.

-But oh god the frustration when the cane randomly rolls out of place and hits the floor, it’s a combination of “Not again” and “did that really just happen” and “you had one job. one job.”

-Sitting with our cane tucked between our legs. Picture a bit of man spreading, the cane tip leaned against the side of our foot to keep it stable and the cane leaning against our shoulder or opposite knee, possibly also held securely with our fingers too.

-The no-manspreading alternative of that is with the cane leaning against our shoulder, cane tip resting on the toe of our shoe or the outside of it, held securely with our fingers or our arm wrapped around it, elbow hooking it.

(Okay, a while back I was looking for photos of someone using a cane to use as a reference for drawing Ulric. I only found three, and two of them were Daredevil promo photos. Which, no offense to Charlie Cox, but he is not blind and he does not use a cane in his daily life, he does not have that relationship a blind person has with a cane and the concept of a fifth limb, and it shows. So the photos were stiff and unusable, so I had to like use several photo references of different poses and Frankenstein them together to get what I wanted.

And I still haven’t finished the painting... fuck)

-In a car with a non-folding cane: 

-Right passenger seat- The cane tip goes all the way into the corner of the foot well to the right of my feet, with the handle resting over my right shoulder or on the seatbelt. It pokes a bit past my headrest. The longer the cane, the harder it is to tuck into a car.

-The U.K. / Austrailian / New Zealand / Japan version of this (because they drive on the left side of the road with their drivers seats on the right side of the car) it’s like this: Cane tip in the foot well to the left of my feet, handle on my left shoulder or on the seatbelt.

Backseat: the absolute worst. There’s less foot well room, and if you’re in a sedan there is almost no room behind your shoulder for the handle. I position my cane diagonally with the handle on the shoulder closest to the door and the tip next to the foot closest to the middle. 

-For this reason, no one with a non-folding cane will want to be sitting in the backseat.

About Guide Dogs

While my knowledge of guide dogs is limited only to what I can research and not personal, I will give you some basic facts and practical knowledge from said research.

Guiding Eyes for the Blind estimates that there are 10,000 guide dog teams out there in the world. That makes up 2% of the blind and visually impaired community.

Guide Dog Training

Becoming a guide dog is the most difficult form of dog training there is. The majority of dogs who enter guide dog training wash out and either become family dogs or go into a different type of service dog training, like medical response or PTSD/anxiety response, or possibly become therapy dogs, which is a career altogether different from being a service dog.

Guide dogs go through two or three years of training, which includes puppy training, basic socialization, proper behavior when on duty and actual guide training. Most service dogs only go through a year to a year and a half of training before they are partnered with a disabled handler.

Between the cost of training, the cost of housing and feeding the dog and the cost of vet bills from birth until being partnered with a blind handler, the overall cost of a guide dog is something like 30k to 40k. While most service dog training organizations require handlers to fundraise and pay for the cost of training (usually something like 15-30k), guide dog organizations give their dogs to qualified blind clients for free. These organizations pay for the dog costs through their own fundraising and charities. Fortunately for these organizations, guide dogs are a highly respected field and have a lot more charity directed their way, while other service dog types have less public interest when it comes to charity.

Guide Dog organizations have an application process, requirements, and a wait-list before you can be partnered with a guide dog.

Requirements to get a guide dog are (usually) as follows: 

Must be legally blind (as in not visually impaired, but legally blind) and have had at least six months of O&M with a cane and demonstrate enough O&M stills to navigate by oneself. They also require you to be responsible enough to independently care for a dog, able to keep up with training and retraining of the dog, as well as financially able to handle food and vet bills (which are at least a few thousand dollars every year).

The reason for cane training before getting a guide dog is because the dog cannot do everything for you. You, the dog handler, are responsible for knowing where you are and how to get where you need to be.

The dog can’t read stop signs or tell when a light is green or red, nor do they have GPS to find a brand new location nor can they learn that route on the first try, nor will they know exactly where you want to go when you say “Starbucks” or “library” or “school” or “mom’s house” and guide you all by themselves. That falls on you, the dog handler, having enough orientation and mobility skills to know when a street is safe to cross and knowing how to learn new routes and how to keep on route and make sure you make the correct turns. A guide dog can’t communicate with bus drivers for you either, they don’t know which number bus to use or what stop to choose. That falls on the blind person’s own skill.

Other Guide Dog Resources

Molly Burke is a guide dog user and has made several videos about what kind of work guide dogs do, her personal experience being a guide dog user for over ten years, how she got a guide dog, specific commands, unique experiences with things like travel, etc. She has a playlist all about guide dogs, but here are some of my favorite videos.

How Guide Dogs Guide A Blind Person

Guide Dog User Answers the Most Googled Questions about Guide Dogs

How I Met My First Guide Dog

Final Thoughts:

There is a lot more to be said about Orientation and Mobility, such as:

How do you safely cross the street with a cane?

How do you learn new routes?

How does getting a cane significantly change your life?

How do family, friends, and strangers react to you “suddenly” having a cane?

I could also write a ton on other tools the blind community relies on so strongly, such as screen readers, magnifiers, etc. In fact, I originally promised to include those in my master post when Part Four was titled  Part Four: What Your Blind Character Needs to Survive and Not Die. However, this guide is ages long and it feels better to focus on this specific topic for here.

Did you like this guide?

Consider checking out my other guides, links of which can be found on the master post here.

Follow my blog, I write and curate writing advice guides outside of blindness, I reblog writing memes with image descriptions, reblog soothing aesthetic photos with image descriptions, talk about disability, lgbtqa+ issues, ableism, and mental health.

If you want to further support me, this is the link to my ko-fi (however there is no such requirement nor pressure to do so, and please don’t worry about it, especially if you are in a financial situation that can’t afford it)

[fanficmemes]

Hey guys!!! Thanks to our lovely anon/blog historian, Soupy, we now have a recorded history!! Blog lore, my beloved. I'll try and start adding in our new things too, but to any newbies out there, come take a look :):):):)

About the lore for this blog, i cannot remember everything, but i can do something about the cursed asks lore and history, since i just scrolled all the posts in the tags!

31 Jan 2021: an anonymous send an ask asking what people actually mean when they tell a ship if "pedophilic". This start a big number of asks about real survivor and how fucked up is fandom water down the word, purity culture, and consequently story time about harassing people in fandom for purity culture.

1 Feb 2021: someone speak about how much fucked up fics helped them. This probably opened the possibility of cursed asks. The same day, someone other send an ask about a terrible person known for harassing people about the sexuality of a character. The person is called "train fucker".

2 Feb 2021: anonymous point the attention on the train fucking thing. The cursed ask tag is created.

In the following hours, always in the cursed ask tag, people discover the fandom was Death Note and the guy was apparently in real attracted to trains and planes. Hell break down, memes are created.

History is made.

One of the characters will later become protagonists of the tag already existed. PKD already was knew since the 22 Jan 2021, when they sent an ask about the color asks and you had the intuition the tags he was probably someone with a piss kink and the tag "chronicles of piss" was created.

Cursed ask history part 2:

At this moment on time,the tags is still not clearly used. One of the First post tagged as such, the 9th Feb, is an anon answering to the ear fucking conversation about micropenis, while all the other posts are not tagged. The day after PKD enter the cursed asks tag, while the others ask still stay out of it. People start sending the stories they read.

12 Feb Hagrid/Hedwig fics are discovered. Owl fucking anon appear. Someone suggest a friendship between them and mlp guy.

Also mlp pony guy is a lore being who did not appear before in the #cursed asks, but already had their history in the simpler ask tag and in the previous cancel scale period, that we could call the ancestor of #cursed ask.

The First post tagged as cancel scale is from the 2nd Jan 2021. It was an anon answering your post of the same day "alright guys scale 1-10 how screwed r u if it ao3 history and bookmarks get released".

This is the gold era of this blog lore. The philanthropist, wound fucking discourse, rpf bdsm and mlp guy (with the first ask behind paywall) appeared during the first month and a half of the year, mixing at the end with the cursed ask tag.

Cursed ask history part 2:

At this moment on time,the tags is still not clearly used. One of the First post tagged as such, the 9th Feb, is an anon answering to the ear fucking conversation about micropenis, while all the other posts are not tagged. The day after PKD enter the cursed asks tag, while the others ask still stay out of it. People start sending the stories they read.

12 Feb Hagrid/Hedwig fics are discovered. Owl fucking anon appear. Someone suggest a friendship between them and mlp guy.

Also mlp pony guy is a lore being who did not appear before in the #cursed asks, but already had their history in the simpler ask tag and in the previous cancel scale period, that we could call the ancestor of #cursed ask.

The First post tagged as cancel scale is from the 2nd Jan 2021. It was an anon answering your post of the same day "alright guys scale 1-10 how screwed r u if it ao3 history and bookmarks get released".

This is the gold era of this blog lore. The philanthropist, wound fucking discourse, rpf bdsm and mlp guy (with the first ask behind paywall) appeared during the first month and a half of the year, mixing at the end with the cursed ask tag.

Cursed ask history part 3:

The philanthropist appeared the same day #the cancel scale started. With their iconic "i am a shameless philanthropist and so my bookmarks are public. I eat dead doves for breakfast. Come on down to the buffet y'all! You want some wound fucking? 8-yr-old omega abortion? I got you fam, watch me scramble these eggs" they left a forever sign in this blog. Still to this days asks are written to know if they are good. They obtained a 12/10 in the cancel scale.

Wound fucking discourse started, also the same day, by CB answering "is that where the wound fucking comes in??" At a ask about vivisection and medical experimentation. Discourse about what classify as a wound and how it works continued trought the day.

Rpf bdsm is thought to have beat the philanthropist with their mix of rape, underage, incest in a foursome, huge age, rpf tentacles and, mostly, someone getting turned into a pickle and his partner fucking himself with it.

This also started a string of asks about people being transformed in object used for sex.

Rpf bdsm would appear again later that day to specify the pickle fic was a rpf.

Cursed ask history part 4 (i think? Already lost the count)

Mlp guy. The one and only. Always in the terrible 2 Jan 2021, they first appeared in the tags of an answer to a marvel ask. #Hey HEY mlp guy #u know who u r #i'm afraid to look at this ask #like yeah we saw some shit tonight but this blows that outta the fuckin WATER #y'all would dead ass have to pay me to post it

Someone noticed the tags and asked about it, and a strong sexual tension between everyone and the unpublished mlp ask started. Someone ended up paying, cause the ask was later published as last post of the day and terrorized every follower of the blog. It was published as screenshot of the ask, and is not even put in the #cancel scale.

MLP guy stayed so in the apex of the cursed asks for some months, till the Pokémon ask by soupy was published the 9th may 2021, taking home a 15/10. MLP guy made a Tumblr profile, @therealmlpguy, in retiliation, and reblogged answering with a new terribly cursed fic. CB have still not voted it, so who have the worst cursed ask is still in question.

The day of #cancel scale the blog fanficmemes lost many followers, but the story was, as we know, not finished.

Cursed ask history part 5

I like to stay an half cryptid of this blog, so i will not tell my blog of origin, but i can tell you I am Soupy. Also i need to know if i am actually considered a cryptic of the blog and if i need to make a lore post about myself XD.

This is starting to get hard cause i cannot reread what i already sent, but the end of the tunnel is near.

We already told about owl fucking anon in the cursed ask tag, but their story is a bit more longer. The cursed ask was actually their big return, and they are probably one of the most proficious lore making, having also a part in the creation of the PKD legend. They should really have their own tag.

How? Well.

The 17 Jan 2021, when the big part of the cancel scale was done and the elders of the lore created, they sent an anon ask about what the cancel scale made them remember. It was a fic, red when they were ten or eleven, about someone fucking an owl while the owl was on their period. Consensual, and apparently the authors were two teen girl who write only character x owl. Their mom proofread. CB answered with their profile picture, edited so that it red "i can't believe it's gotten even worse!" Instead of "i can't believe it's not canon".

This post created, if we want to say, PKD, cause their first ask, that assigned them piss kink, was yes about the color asks (that, in case someone does not remember, was CB asking what colors people assigned to them), but had as explanation "if you keep posting stuff like the owl period whatever". So the owl fucking anon indirectly created, the 22 Jan 2021, PKD.

Owl fucking anon continued their ascension to lore of the blog.

The 12th Feb 2021 sent an ask were they were surprised someone had found Hagrid x Hedwing fics, and than sent anther 9 parts ask about the story of how they red lot of cursed shits thanks to an old tumblr blog that had the links, and how from there they found an author who only published Hagrid x Hedwing, and how that introduced them to FF smut.

(it is also discovered they are only 15, baby, please, i am noone to talk with the shits i red at the time but i hope you are ok).

They are now consacrated in the memory of the blog.

Cursed ask history part 6

Before continuing with the history of the cursed asks, is now time to finally give a small talk about PKD. We know how they originated, but how they become so famous?

Probably is the fact they appeared so many time during the last months. Being it for cancel scale, cursed asks or just normal asks, they continue to give us company with their exploration of piss kink fic. Is true they soundly negate having the kink the first months, but after lot of memes and people speaking about it, the 25 Apr 2021 they finally admitted of having the kink,and discovered it reading an a/b/o Captain America fic.

I would suggest to read all the posts, but they stopped being tagged halfway through, so is half in the specific #chronicles of piss and half in the #cursed ask

Cursed ask history part 7

The big lore is finished, and now only the later history stay.

#cancel scale posts and #cursed asks post lived side by side for some days. The owl fucking one of the 12 Feb was actually the last cursed fic published in the cancel scale post, leaving the tag only for some history reference later.

#cursed asks saw the appearence of every type of cursed possible to thought, with scat and nipple fucking between the different tags. At the start there was no specific day chosen, but later, for CB schedule reasons, Saturday was assigned as cursed ask day, and some week later it was moved to Sunday.

And here we are, today, to see what other cursed things we will bring in this world

Cursed fic History part 8

The cursed fic History have been covered, but i still think is important to talk about some of the before time tags that created the good ecosystem for the creation of #cursed ask.

The most famous is #the lube discussion.

It started the 23 Aug 2020, when CB wrote a post about FF using the word "supple" in smut without the thing being actually supple. In the tag, they added #also #that does Not work as lube.

Some anon asked what was being used as lube, that was answered with "one was peanut butter. I will not discuss the other". This started the bug lube discussion, were everyone talked about what they continingly see used as lube when it cannot be used as lube.

Between the classics soap and blood, we see some more daring one as mud, yogurt, aloe vera, years, milk, hot sauce and the more intersting, cannoli (have no idea if they are talking about the cream you put in cannoli or some american thing i don't know).

Nothing reached cursed material, but it put the first seed for the blog.

[mooshs-crack-headcanons]

Hello! I'm Moosh (or just Paul) a 26 year old trans man and a humble welcome to my corner of the internet! I hope you enjoy your stay!

Current status; slow but steady.

Moosh's fandom Masterlists

One piece

Lupin III

Devil may cry

Star wars

The elder scrolls

Red dead redemption

Attack on titan

Some base blog rules!

My main is @mellumarbles, where I give updates and shitposts about my life and mostly is used to communicate to other writers.

This blog is not spoiler free from...pretty much all fandoms I cover, one piece in particular (which I am caught up and I do write for Egghead characters!)

Don't be an asshole. Whether it's just an ask to ask me how my day's going or you're dropping a request, please don't be rude or I'm most likely not going to respond.

Hey, trans rights. Don't be a dick and misgender people, including yours truly.

English isn't my first language, my native tongue is norwegian. Although I've been a good chunk of my live in America and have spent years learning the language I'm still not great with it at times so forgive me if my language can be 'clunky' I try my best to properly make sure I fix everything before I post but stuff falls through cracks sometimes.

I make shitty edits and jokes with my poor sense of humor.

Please tell me if links don't work!

Basic request rules

4 characters for headcanons and 1 for event/occasion only scenarios.

For alphabet requests I only do three letters a request!

I write sfw content for; gender neutral and male (But gender neutral requests always more preferred!)

Please be specific in your ask! I don't want to have to scrape the barrel for details because I have nothing to work with so please have basic details in your request! However, don't have too many details in your request because then you basically write your request in your ask and will leave...well nothing else is left for me to write?

If gender isn't specified in your request I will ALWAYS make the reader gender neutral!

I don't accept matchups at this moment.

No yandere. Don't even try to hide it, I've seen anons try this with other blogs.

No 'child' reader requests.

No Au requests I'm just personally bad at them and I'm not all that interested in them so I write canon only.

Polyamory is A-okay! (But depends on who are the two other characters)

I update my fandom of focus in the bio but when I get requests that aren't the fandom of focus the tend to take longer!

Some fandom specific rules for star wars in particular.

(NSFW related stuff under cut)

NSFW related rules

I will not write for characters under the age of 18. I will for sfw, of course with s/o as a minor, but NOT for nsfw. And for characters (one piece in particular) that become of age after a timeskip, for example Vivi, NSFW works will always be set after that timeskip.

No female readers when it comes to NSFW content. Male and gender neutral only! If you need more details please read this post.

Things that are an absolute no: pedo content, non con/forced, scat/pee, the omegaverse, furry (that includes minks and fish man) extreme degradation/humiliation, master/slave, daddy kink* and incest. If I missed anything feel free to ask if I will write for it or not! 

*Absolutely important; even though I will sometimes joke about it daddy kink has a deep trigger for me so I'm serious even if I use the term in a joke to refer to a certain character I'm usually not being 100% serious so please don't come to my askbox with all of the characters you think like being called daddy or whatever. It has a deep in real life effect on me so I'm begging please don't even try it.

For devil may cry I am completely comfortable writing devil trigger smut.

All NSFW content is tagged #sin content and NSFW request are hidden from the children's eyes with a read more link. If I find out any of you are minors looking under that read more link I WILL BONK YOU!

Trans men readers; I love you and I am more than will to take requests with a trans reader, but when it comes to NSFW trans male requests I won't take it unless it states does and don'ts of what the reader in the request is comfortable with. I don't want to have to go off my dysphoria to write it and everyone is different so I also don't want to unknowingly trigger the requester. So please gives necessary details but make sure you're absolutely 100% comfortable giving!

If you have any other questions feel free to ask!

[rjzimmerman]

Yesterday, I posted links to stories that told us about the rebellious shareholder vote at Exxon and the order of a court in Netherlands against Shell. I wasn’t aware that Chevon faced its own shareholder insurrection, so this story fills that gap.

Sometimes, capitalism works. I know many on Tumblr have strong anti-capitalism values, and I respect that. Unfettered capitalism is destroying us, so we need deeper and stronger laws and regulations, globally but mostly in the US. But once investors sense that they might be losing money, and sometimes a lot of money, they react by addressing the cause of that loss. This is what is happening at ExxonMobil and Chevron. That’s the good part of capitalism, sometimes: self-interest, provided the self-interest reflects a broader social value.

Excerpt from this story from Earther/Gizmodo:

To say Tuesday was a bad day for Big Oil is an understatement. Chevron and Exxon, the two largest oil companies in the U.S., got rolled by their own investors.

Shell also suffered a crippling defeat in a Dutch court in what may end up being the biggest win for the climate. But it’s the investor revolts at Exxon and Chevron that are perhaps most telling about this moment. The threat of regulation coupled with the diminishing returns of oil companies shows that they no longer control their own fate. If ever there was a time to actually reform our energy system to run on clean energy, this is it.

At Exxon, shareholders voted at least two activist investors onto the board. Meanwhile, at Chevron, shareholders endorsed a resolution to curtail so-called Scope 3 carbon emissions. Scope 3 refers to carbon pollution that comes from burning Chevron’s products, which accounts for more than 90% of the company’s emissions. The same is true of other oil companies, and they’ve almost all to a tee failed to factor those emissions into their climate plans. (But make no mistake that Chevron and Exxon are the two biggest laggards by far.) It’s like tobacco companies pretending they could ignore the public health problems their products created, and we all know how that turned out.

Exxon management told shareholders to not vote for the activist board members and Chevron’s leadership team did the same for the Scope 3 resolution. Yet shareholders told them to kick rocks—and with good reason. The first is purely financial. Exxon and Chevron have steadily underperformed the market as a whole over the past decade. Shareholders want to make money, and America’s top oil firms have delivered decidedly middling returns. The past year has been an even bigger wake-up call as covid-19 brought the world to a standstill and caused oil prices to collapse, turning dwindling profits into losses. The shareholder resolutions and new board members are a call to change course and make Exxon and Chevron profitable once again.

Shareholders did Exxon and Chevron a favor by bringing them closer in line with these new realities, though obviously TBD if companies that have spent decades being villains have a virtuous side. But the dramatic boardroom changes are nowhere near enough to bring about a safe climate. Governments need to follow through on the regulatory side as part of those “reinforcing patterns” to protect the climate. If they fail, sure, a few folks invested in Big Oil may make some money in the short-term, but we’re all likely to be poorer in the end.

[theculturedmarxist]

The University of North Carolina has rescinded its offer of a tenured journalism professor position to the author of the New York Times '1619 Project' after an intense backlash.

Instead, UNC officials confirmed this week that Nikole Hannah-Jones, who won the Pulitzer Prize for the 2019 series which 'reframed' American history to focus on when the first Africans arrived to Virginia as slaves, will join its faculty this summer with a five-year contract.

That means one of the New York Times's most vaunted reporters who the newspaper has doggedly stood by even as the project has come under withering criticism by historians for its inaccuracies didn't qualify for a permanent appointment.

The university's Hussman School of Journalism and Media had announced late last month that Hannah-Jones had been tapped for its Knight Chair in Race and Investigative Journalism, a tenured professorship. 

The news was swiftly condemned by conservative political groups with links to the UNC Board of Governors which oversees the state university's 16-campus system, according to NC Policy Watch.

Among the loudest critics was the The James G. Martin Center for Academic Renewal, which argued that Hannah-Jones is unqualified for the position because her 1619 Project was 'unfactual and biased'.

The conservative watchdog group said her hiring signaled 'a degradation of journalistic standards, which should deter any serious student from applying to the journalism school'.

The 1619 Project proved a cultural lightening rod, drawing criticism from some historians who said it was a cynical view of American history - and also contained inaccuracies and generalizations.

The backlash over Hannah-Jones' hiring proved fierce enough to cause UNC to dramatically reduce its offer to a mere five-year contract - with the possibility of tenure after that but no guarantee.

A member of the Board of Trustees at UNC's main Chapel Hill campus explained the decision to NC Policy Watch, saying that it all came down to politics.

'This is a very political thing,' said the trustee, who asked to remain anonymous. 'The university and the Board of Trustees and the Board of Governors and the Legislature have all been getting pressure since this thing was first announced last month.

'There have been people writing letters and making calls, for and against. But I will leave it to you which is carrying more weight.'

'It's maybe not a solution that is going to please everyone. Maybe it won't please anyone. But if this was going to happen, this was the way to get it done.' 

Susan King, the dean of UNC Hussman, called the decision 'disappointing'.

'It's not what we wanted and I am afraid it will have a chilling effect,' King said, according to NC Policy Watch.  

Daniel Kreiss, an associate professor at Hussman, also condemned the controversy over Hannah-Jones' hiring.

'Obviously, they knew the hiring could be controversial,' he said. 'But I think it's all quite silly to be honest.

'Nikole Hannah-Jones is one of the most prominent journalists in the United States, frankly in the world, today and [is] doing exactly the kind of work that is necessary to help the US come to terms with its racial history.

'She's an alum we're frankly quite proud of and should be. We've had her in to give numerous talks over the years. Like her work, they've been rigorous, historical, investigative, and it makes a strong and forceful argument for coming to a full understanding of the US's history to move forward from there.'

Hannah-Jones has not publicly commented on the news that she will no longer be eligible for tenure.  

In a statement on April 27, Hannah-Jones said her UNC courses would teach how to write stories that are 'truly reflective of our multiracial nation.'

It's sort of a homecoming for Hannah-Jones, who is a MacArthur Fellowship Genius Grant recipient. She got a master's degree from Hussman in 2003.  

'This is a full-circle moment for me as I return to the place that launched my career to help launch the careers of other aspiring journalists,' she tweeted on Monday. 'I'm so excited to continue mentoring students from the classroom and for all I will learn from them.'

She said she'd still be at the New York Times where she wrote the 1619 Project, which was published in 2019 as a collection of essays, photo essays, poems and short fiction stories.

She joined the New York Times in 2015 after working at ProPublica, the Oregonian, the Raleigh News & Observer and the Chapel Hill News, according to a release from the school.

Teaching at UNC is a sort of homecoming for Hannah-Jones, who graduated from Hussman in 2013.  

Hannah-Jones became a household name in journalism with the 1619 Project - which was slammed by former President Donald Trump as 'totally discredited' and part of the 'twisted web of lies' that has caught fire in American universities that teach American is a 'wicked and racist nation.'

Trump formed a '1776 Commission' in response to teach 'patriotism.' It released a report this year before being ended by President Joe Biden.

The series 'reframed' American history to have it start in 1619, when the first slaves from Africa arrived to Virginia, instead of 1776, when the founding fathers declared independence from Britain.

In her essay, Hannah-Jones wrote that slaves laid the foundations of the US Capitol and built founding fathers' plantations. She said the 'relentless buying, selling, insuring and financing of their bodies' made Wall Street and New York City the financial capital of the world.

'Before the abolishment of the international slave trade, 400,000 enslaved Africans would be sold into America. Those individuals and their descendants transformed the lands to which they'd been brought into some of the most successful colonies in the British Empire,' Hannah-Jones wrote.

'But it would be historically inaccurate to reduce the contributions of black people to the vast material wealth created by our bondage,' she said. 'Black Americans have also been, and continue to be, foundational to the idea of American freedom. More than any other group in this country's history, we have served, generation after generation, in an overlooked but vital role: It is we who have been the perfecters of this democracy.'

The project heralded by some and criticized by others, including a number of historians and Trump, who adamantly opposed the idea that it should be taught in classrooms.

Princeton historian Sean Wilentz criticized the '1619 Project', and some of Hannah-Jones's other work, in a letter sent to top Times editors and the publisher, The Atlantic reported in December 2019.

The letter, which was signed by other scholars James McPherson, Gordon Wood, Victoria Bynum, and James Oakes refers to 'matters of verifiable fact' that 'cannot be described as interpretation or "framing''' and says the project reflected 'a displacement of historical understanding by ideology,' The Atlantic reported.

Wilentz and the other signatories demanded corrections.

Trump called it 'revisionist history' and threatened to withhold federal funding from public schools that used it.  

Republican lawmakers in a handful of states, including Iowa and Missouri, are continuing his fight to ban it from schools.

Bills were introduced in those state legislatures that would punish school districts that use the '1619 Project' by cutting federal funding.  

A major critic of the project has been The Heritage Foundation, which says it 'has been tireless in its efforts to debunk the radical and anti-American positions taken by The New York Times and the '1619 Project.'

One of The Heritage Foundation's articles pointed out post-publication edits that the Times made, including changing a in Hannah-Jones' leading article in the series to say that 'some of' the colonists fought the American Revolution to defend slavery.

'The editors called this a 'small' clarification, and it was indeed very small, although considering that the 1619 Project's full-throated commitment to demonstrating that American history can only be explained through the lens of slavery, this correction appears nothing short of essential,' Heritage policy expert Jonathan Butcher, a senior policy analyst for Heritage's Center for Education Policy, wrote.

One of the project's supporters, Seth Rockman, an associate professor of history at Brown University, wrote in an op-ed for the Washington Post that the project 'is a testament to patriotism, not a repudiation.'

Rockman wrote that history is 'an ongoing conversation in which trained professionals and multiple publics wrestle with the meaning of the past' and disagreement is desirable 'as it shows us that something important is at stake.'

He said there are warranted criticisms that 'we should spend our time debating,' for example the project was 'insufficiently attentive' about how the Native Americans lost their land.  

Trump suggested, however, that the project's teachings were dangerous.

'Critical race theory, the 1619 project, and the crusade against American history is toxic propaganda, ideological poison that if not removed will dissolve the civic bonds that tie us together,' he said, according to the Atlantic. 'It will destroy our country.'

Hannah-Jones, meanwhile, said on Twitter that 'history, in general, is contested.'

'The project unsettled many. I think that is good.'  

[not-close-to-straight]

I’ve been wanting to read some of your WinterIron fics after seeing all of your new updates, but the ship feels a bit off balance to me after everything that happened in the MCU. I was wondering if you’d like to share what you like most about the ship, as well as what backgrounds you usually give Tony and Bucky in them (I have a feeling yours are better than “he killed my parents and my friends chose him over me”). Thanks and congrats on starting your new blog! 💕

Ooooh WINTERIRON! It’s basically my favorite thing ever when people ask me why I love a ship/background info so buckle up, cos this will be a long post complete with links to all my best Winterirons and reasons why it’s fun. 

The thing I like the best about Winteriron is that Tony and Bucky have so.much.in.common. 

Shared trauma by way of non consensual body modification (WS and of course, the arc reactor). PTSD. Body image issues and probably at times crippling dysphoria. Panic attacks and anxiety. Repeating the question “am I who they made me to be, or am I actually me” and then “who am I, exactly” because both have gone through life altering horrifying events completely out of their control. Phoenix metaphors-- Tony in Afghanistan and Bucky as the WS/fighting free of the WS. A shared interest in science (see Bucky’s dorky face at the Expo as well as how he feels about Wakanda in IW). A wish against a battle but always ready to suit up. Top of their game in their own right (Tony with tech and Bucky as a sniper and Cap’s right hand man) and then even better after their trauma. Both struggling to find their place in a world they no longer recognize, Bucky as post WS and Tony after he’s confronted with the truth of Obadiah/Stark Industries. Shared trauma by way of “bucky is a victim forced to do terrible things, Tony is a victim of the terrible things Bucky was forced to do”. 

So much in common. 

When I get to write them, it’s not about who saves who like it is with most of my Stony where yes, Tony is bad ass but it’s still Steve who swoops in and saves Tony’s heart and emotions and sometimes also his actual life. With Winteriron they are both broken and both trying to get better one step at a time and I love that so much. I love soft soft nekkid times where neither has to be ashamed of the damage on their body or if their body doesn’t quite work the way they want it to, I love them finding each other after nightmares, or Bucky getting too rough with Tony and apologizing and Tony knowing Bucky would never ever hurt him.

As far as the background I usually give them...it varies from fic to fic and verse to verse but there always is lots of themes of body positivity and acceptance mixed in with quite a bit of flirting even in the more serious verses because at some point I decided Bucky was a flirty mc flirt and that’s just all there is to it. 

Some #NCTS-verse Winteriron Standards: 

Bucky calls Tony “sweet thing”. Signature phrase “sure thing, sweet thing” and it is in every single one of my full length Winteriron/Stuckony fics, and usually shows up in most of my short ones as well. I make the rules, and the rules include “sweet thing” 

Tony loves loves Bucky’s arms and shoulders and the way he walks all murdery. 

“Bucky-bear” and “Brooklyn” are Tony’s nicknames for Bucky ie: “come home again Brooklyn” and “Aww Bucky-bear, its’ okay I’m rich, I’ll buy another one” 

Bucky likes Tony’s fluffy hair and Dat Badonkadonk but also SIZE DIFFERENCE because I prefer my Winteriron to be TolSmol and also kaakjsdhkasjhdsmuscles 

I realize nowhere does canon Bucky talk with a ridiculously Brooklyn accent buttttt in my (funnier) fics, he 100% does. Also aware that how I write him talking probably isn’t Brooklyn at all, but that’s just how we do it on #NCTS. 

Also, you will notice a reference to Bucky “Bronco” Barnes and his tag line “You wanna know why they call me the Bronco? Cos I’ll give you the ride of your life” and this is something that happened actually in a Stony story where he was only around for like one chapter, but my readers loved the wilder, flirtier, sort of stupidly hot and also insanely dangerous version of Bucky so it stuck around. You find “Bronco” Bucky in my non powers, lighter hearted fics and quite a bit in my Stuckony fics. 

Steve is always 100% pro winteriron because he’s 100% pro Bucky being happy and even in the very few fics where he and Tony aren’t also best friends, Steve has never tried to actively break them up or warn Bucky away. Uh uh. Not in my house. If anything, he is basically oblivious to Tony or in my few post CACW fics, Tony isn’t Steve’s favorite person but he still comes around to Winteriron being together. 

I write very little canon verse winteriron that deals with WS and Tony’s parents. If it’s mentioned at all in fics, it comes with the obligatory apology and forgiveness scene and then they move on. We all cry at that part in the movie, no need to bring it up over and over in fics. 

Let’s get into the stories! Here are some that are sure to not only ease you into my version of Winteriron, but also to slay you with some fluff and some feels. 

Cookie Day: Bucky shares his cookies with no one but Tony. Plotless and fun

Bad Days: Even the WS wants to keep Tony safe

Ducks in a Row: Possibly the cutest shit I’ve ever written in my life ever. 

Professional Cuddles: Tony is lonely, Bucky has hugs, this was a 3am prompt fill and it turned out GREAT. 

Not Yet: A little spooky but maybe one of my fave short stories

Murder Floof: Tony brings home a grumpy kitten for Bucky. 

Sure Thing, Sweet Thing: the origin story for the infamous phrase. 

And I have to add this one for nostalgia’s sake...

Letters to Bucky: My very first Winteriron and honestly, so good. Non powered AU with a little canon mixed in. Epistolary style so they fall in love over letters before meeting. Top tier art by @latelierderiot which kickstarted our friendship and I love her so much. 

And if you are really up for a challenge, I rewrote the entire Captain America trilogy as a Tony-centric Time Travel shenanigan and it details Tony going back to the 1940s and meeting/falling in love with Bucky Barnes, returning to present day and trying to reconcile things with Steve Rogers, then both of them finding out about WS Bucky and working to bring him home, and you can read all that HERE.

I’ve got lots more Winteriron on my MASTERLIST and if you check out the themed masterlists like  CHRISTMAS and VALENTINES DAY  there are some pretty great fics on there too! 

I hope you get as hooked on this ship as I am. 

Cheers!

[knightdale-secret]

Today I learned a haunting truth about a secret hidden right in my very neighborhood. An ugly truth that has been hidden, covered up and mostly forgotten, until now.

In Knightdale, North Carolina the prominent plantation owner, Charles Lewis Hinton, purchased and built a plantation home for his son David Hinton and his new wife Mary Boddie Carr as a wedding present on a stretch of land that would come to be known as the Midway Plantation because it was halfway between two other Hinton family properties. The beautiful, two-story Greek Revival plantation home was built in 1848 as a forced-labor farm. A slave plantation.

I’m not certain how many people were enslaved there over the years, but I do know that at least 130 of those slaves were buried on a site that would later be knowingly built on top of to create Widewaters subdivision. MY neighborhood.

Right behind the community pool and club house there is a strange white gravel path that leads up a slight hill to a black wrought iron fence gate that is always latched. There is a rickety wooden fencing surrounding a wooded area on a hill. This is in the middle of the neighborhood. There was never any explanation for it - for why, in a development, this overgrown patch of trees is fenced in and gated off, untouched, where normally there would be another few houses perhaps. I pass this area almost daily in my car or on leisurely walks. I had noticed the fence but thought maybe it was part of someone’s property. I didn’t think too much of it.

But that changed today. Today I was bored and looking up about local plantation owners in the area because history has always interested me. I learned a little about the Shoppes of Midway being built where the plantation house once stood and that the original house and its outbuildings were moved 2 miles up the road so a Target could be built and the ever expanding road wouldn’t keep encroaching on their lawn. This made way for growth in Knightdale. And grow it has. What was once a small town on the outskirts of Raleigh has become busier and more built up as available housing in the city has decreased and people leave it in search of quieter suburbs to live and raise their families. So as I was researching for no reason in particular other than personal interest, I stumbled upon an article about Midway Plantation and it stated that there was a slave cemetery that was surveyed and a neighborhood was built on top of it. It said it was across the street to the east from where the Midway Plantation house originally stood and that all that was left of the cemetery was maybe 50 graves on a hill in some trees surrounded by a black wrought iron fence. The article states that after the building of the subdivision was started, it was clear that houses were more important than the graves of the many slaves that worked the plantations. And yes, the builders did know about the cemetery. It was surveyed and it was signed off on to be built over. I think this is when the downplaying, lying and covering up started. A letter was reportedly written according to the below article when the preparations for the subdivision were being made that said that such a large slave cemetery couldn’t have existed in this area based on the shaky reference that the present owners didn’t have enough slaves to have this type of burial ground and no church could be identified on the grounds (cause cemeteries only are constructed on church grounds?) this mysterious letter writer conveniently failed to recognize that the land was originally Hinton land and they had slaves numbering in the hundreds here and could most certainly have amassed a deceased slave population of that size over the years it was in operation.

There is a saying about guilt : “A given excuse that was not asked for implies guilt.” If this letter writer submitted this without prompting from any public outcry than he was already defending a guilty mind. He was trying to persuade people away from the truth and to avoid any public outrage over the very wrong they knew they were committing by building here.

That article link is here: http://www.knightdalehistoric.com/pdf/plantations3.pdf

This was the only article or snippet of information I could find about this cemetery that very clearly under my neighborhood and whose remaining grave sites lie just mere feet away from our community swimming pool. This disturbed me greatly because to date, this site is unmarked and unrecognized. So i first decided to submit a request for a historical marker to be made for the site. I was met with an emailed response by a very helpful administrator for the NC Marker Historical Society who said that they no longer do markers for cemeteries but she would contact the National Register for Historic Places and see if the cemetery could be added to the Midway plantation that is already registered as a historical place. She has been talking with archaeologists who are working on this and she’ll be in touch. I also emailed someone in archives to see how I could find the site survey that was done but haven’t received a response yet.

Next I decided to post this information on Facebook to the local community groups and see how they felt about it, and to inform them as well as pose that a marker be made and that I would try to get that facilitated. An outpouring of support and offerings to donate to help fund its creation were given. I knew I was onto something that was important not just to me as a person living in a neighborhood with a secret of this magnitude, but to a community of people who would also want this recognized.

Now, I myself am not African American. I am pretty much as white as they come, I have the genealogy report to prove it. I struggled with the idea that I would be lambasted as trying to be some sort of “white savior” or something by trying to make this happen. I felt guilty that I was the one that found this information and had to be the one to put it out there. I felt like this belongs to the descendants of slaves. this is something that would affect their community,feelings and hearts maybe more than the white community’s in its ramifications and would of course be more important to them on a more personal level. Who am I to come in and make a big stink about something that isn’t even my history someone might say,but it is America’s history. It is the history of the land I now inhabit. And it is an issue that I hold dear to my heart because these men and women and children that lived, worked and died here were not just property or possessions, they were people and their graves should be respected just like anyone else’s. More so I think. Their graves can serve as a reminder of the great bloody sins that occurred in the building of this country. In the building of the south. The only monuments I’d like to see in the south would be to commemorate the slaves, not the enslavers and the people that tried to tear the country apart. The hero slaves that helped build this nation against their will and with great laboring and suffering due to an abhorrent institution that stains our history. They are the ones that should be remembered. Their stories told.

I have always been a sympathizing person. My first hero in elementary school was Martin Luther King, Jr. I gave an oral report on him and did papers later in junior high. I have always been the type of person that hates seeing injustice done to people and the hatred that divides communities and people over nothing more than color or ignorant biases. It never made sense to me and I never understood why people can’t be kind to one another and celebrate differences rather than fear them.

Some people made the point that many cemeteries have been likely built on over the years including white cemeteries, which I also think is awful, but in this situation PART OF THIS CEMETERY IS STILL HERE! Part of our history, this city’s history is still here in OUR NEIGHBORHOOD. We pass it every day! It is here with us and it should be recognized. It should be visited and reflected on. It should be acknowledged.

I visited the cemetery site today and saw the indentations in the ground and the old stone markers left on some of the sites where the slaves were buried. I couldn’t believe that this was just here, between houses and a pool, not in a historical site that you had to pay to see. No fanfare or brochure handouts. Just dusty old bones in the ground marked by grey stones in a patch of trees in the middle of a subdivision, silently waiting to be seen. I whispered to them before I left that I would do all I could to make sure they were not forgotten. That a marker in their honor would be made so they could be remembered. I sincerely hope I can make that happen.

Thru my posts on Facebook, I met a man named Keith Gibbs who has apparently already done a lot of work to try to have this cemetery recognized with a small group of others but they hit many roadblocks. He told me that there are cover ups and corruption surrounding the area from higher ups and people that don’t want this information out there. He was unsuccessful in his journey to get the site recognized, but he has agreed to hand over his research and findings to me in hopes I will be the one to get something done. ME, a curious girl with no real clout, lol. Yeah, ME, I’m the one. I’m the one that will make this happen where others failed. RIGHT?? Right.

Now, it should be said that I have never really been the figure head for anything in my life. I have never been the spokesperson, the leader the public person, the socialite. I am a shy person that works best from the shadows, behind the scenes. The one that does the work but doesn’t get the credit. And I have largely been okay with that role. It’s less stressful. But now people are looking to me to lead them on this issue. To call the shots and take the donations and create the marker. And that was all fine and dandy…. until CBS 17 messaged me asking if I’d like to do a story for them to help get attention and funding for the marker. I got excited and also nervous. I let her know that would likely be a good Avenue to take to get it done but I am still in the information gathering stage. I let her know of my meeting with Keith and told her I’d get back with her when I knew more. She was okay with that.

Honestly, I was relieved I had a reason to stall. I’ve never been on TV before! Cameras DO NOT love me unless its a selfie photo with a Snapchat filter that i’m taking of myself lol. I’m no public speaker. And also I still feel like it shouldn’t be me. I mean, it should since I discovered it and put it out there for the masses, but how can I be the face of this? Me, a white girl from small town Pennsylvania, be the face of a covered up slave cemetery? I feel guilty but also I do feel like there is something to white privilege and power and I hope to only use it as a force for good in this world and to help those with less privilege than I where I can. We only live once and I think a whole lot about how I want to be remembered when I am gone. When someone is building houses over my grave. I’d like to know somewhere out there I might be remembered fondly for doing something that was right in this world of wrongs.

I’m terrified to do the story, but I feel like it is my duty now and my responsibility. I am just so scared of fucking it up. What if I say something stupid or that can be taken out of context? This is such a touchy issue after all. I just want to do them justice. God help me. I just want them to be remembered.

[giftofshewbread]

Converging Signs

 By Daymond Duck     Published on: June 20, 2021

Many excellent Bible prophecy teachers believe there will be a convergence of the signs (all of them coming on the scene) at the end of the age.

Here are some reasons to believe that is happening now.

One, concerning the Battle of Gog and Magog: on June 7, 2021, U.S. Sec. of State Blinken said if Iran continues to violate its nuclear agreement, Iran could have enough enriched uranium for a nuclear weapon in a matter of weeks.

If Israel follows through on its threat to prevent this, Israel could be forced to act very soon.

(Note: On June 14, 2021, Amir Tsarfati said, “If nothing is done in the next month or so, Iran will be nuclear.”)

Two, more on the Battle of Gog and Magog: in recent years, Israel has launched hundreds of strikes against enemy targets in Syria, but on June 9, 2021, Israel launched one of its largest strikes ever.

In the early morning hours, Israel struck several major Iranian targets (some sources say at least 6) almost simultaneously all over Syria.

The attacks were followed by several hours of secondary explosions, indicating that out-of-control fires continued to destroy stored missiles, rockets, powder, etc.

The attacks will probably get more intense as Iran gets closer to developing nuclear weapons.

Three, concerning Israel: on June 13, 2021, the government of Prime Min. Netanyahu ended, and the government of Naftali Bennett and Yair Lapid began.

The Bennett-Lapid government contains 8 political parties (some leftist, some non-religious, a minority of conservatives, and a group of Arabs with ties to the terrorist group called the Muslim Brotherhood).

Some conservative religious Jews say:

Israel’s new government is evil, dangerous, and it will end Zionism (the Jewish character of Israel; freedom of religion in Israel, etc.).

Bennett has lied because he promised during his campaign for office that he would not form a government with some of the political parties that he has now joined forces with.

The Bennett-Lapid government will divide Israel because Arab leaders claim that Bennett and Lapid made concessions that will let them reclaim land in Israel, and Bennett and Lapid are not denying it.

Prophecy teacher Amir Tsarfati said:

The new government is the beginning of the end of Israel as Christians have known it.

God is changing Israel for the worse.

Israel is no longer a democracy, no longer conservative, no longer united.

He believes the stage is being set for the fulfillment of major prophecies (perhaps Gog and Magog, a covenant, the Tribulation Period, an agreement to rebuild the Temple, etc.).

Prophecy teacher J.D. Farag said:

Some suggest that the unprecedented four elections and now this new government may actually be the catalyst for the anti-Messiah to arrive on the scene under the banner of the vacuum of leadership.

Israel is ripe and ready for the Antichrist to come on the scene now like never before.

Prime Min. Netanyahu said:

His party “will not rest until we get rid of this dangerous government.”

Bennett “is not a man who upholds his word. Neither are he and his ministers capable of standing up the U.S. and world nations – nor are they even willing to do so.”

“They are not fit to represent this country for a single day.”

“They must be celebrating in Tehran” (Iran).

Israel needs the prayers and support of Christians as much as ever.

Four, concerning world government: many highly respected Bible prophecy teachers have long taught that U.S. power and influence must decline, and EU power and influence must increase.

Pres. Biden is traveling overseas for separate meetings with the G-7, NATO, the EU, and Russia.

Concerning Biden’s meeting with EU officials, it was reported that many EU officials believe it is time for the EU to start influencing U.S. policy instead of the U.S. influencing EU policy.

According to one report, EU leaders plan to be less submissive to the U.S. and more likely to carve out a bigger role for the EU on the world stage.

Five, also concerning the decline of America: on June 10, 2021, Rev. Michael Bresciani, editor of American Prophet, expressed his opinion about several issues that are well worth repeating.

Concerning whether black lives matter or not: Bresciani asked how can anyone say that black lives matter “when almost 4,000 black babies a day are aborted, and many thousands of black lives are lost yearly to black-on-black crime?”

Concerning worship of the Antichrist: Bresciani said, “Our children are being indoctrinated by liberalism, critical race theory, BLM, Antifa, communism and Godlessness – is it not all that hard to believe that they, our children, will be the ones who will soon worship this ‘beast’ scripture refers to as the antichrist? If you are thinking this is not possible – you are not thinking.”

Concerning the mixing of genes from humans with monkeys in China, the mixing of genes from humans with pigs in California, and the mixing of genes from humans with mice in Japan: Bresciani asked, “If God is displeased with the perverting of the sexes, what will his reaction be to the mixing of the species?”

Bresciani believes these things are coming from depraved minds, and they signify that America is sinking into depravity.

Six, Rev. Bresciani mentioned the world’s tallest moving statue called “The Giant.”

“The Giant” is a 10-story tall digital art gallery with millions of pixels in the shape of a human, its head and arms move, it speaks and sings, changes its appearance every hour to look like different famous people, and it will be displayed in 21 cities in 2021.

Concerning this statue: Bresciani quotes what the Bible says about the statue of Antichrist. “And he had power to give life unto the image of the beast, that the image of the beast should both speak, and cause that as many as would not worship the image of the beast should be killed” (Rev 13:15).

Bresciani is not saying “The Giant” is the statue of the Antichrist, but he is saying that the creation of a statue that looks like the Antichrist and speaks is no longer in doubt.

This writer believes that God is showing the world pictures or shadows of things in the Book of Revelation, and the coming fulfillment of those prophecies is not in doubt.

Seven, in case anyone doubts that world leaders are in the process of establishing a world government, here is this writer’s understanding of some of what G-7 members agreed to in writing on June 13, 2021.

Work with the G-20 to explore ways to strengthen accountability, increase the tracking and allocation of global health security financing, and establish a Global Health Threats Council (use Covid-19 vaccinations to track people’s health, etc.).

Reform the World Trade Organization (WTO) to make it more resilient and responsive to the needs of global citizens (citizens of the world, not citizens of nations).

Push a global tax system to improve the global economy, the prosperity and wellbeing of all people (wealth redistribution), to uphold the common good (world government) and our shared values (world religion).

Maintain its commitment to international cooperation, multilateralism and an open, resilient, rules-based world order (world government).

Tackle racism in all forms and violence and discrimination against LGBQTI+ populations (oppose those that hold Christian values).

Reaffirm its commitment to the Paris Climate Accords (an agreement that some say surrenders the sovereignty of nations) and strengthen and speed up its implementation (push nations to act faster and more aggressively; speed up world government; understand that the existing UN goal is to have it up and running by 2030 and the G-7 wants to speed things up). Vaccinate at least 60% of the global population by 2022 and recognize that extensive immunization is a global public good (make forced vaccination a global law for the benefit of world government).

Ensure that Iran will never build a nuclear weapon (force a nation to obey world law).

The Holy Spirit is the only One that can restrain the coming world government and world religion, but people need to know what is coming and truly accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour before the globalists bring in their world government and world religion.

Eight, for whatever it is worth, on June 14, 2021, Populist Press reported, “The truth is coming out. I think we all expect this as Biden is going downhill fast!”

“Trudeau [Pres. of France] overheard telling staffers he expects Kamala Harris to be President by the end of 2022 per W.H. official attending G7.” (This comment was originally posted on Twitter on June 14, 2021, by political activist and news correspondent Jack Posobiec.)

Nine, concerning vaccinations for Covid-19:

On June 14, 2021, LifeSiteNews reported that “The vaccine advisory committee of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) will convene an emergency meeting this week to discuss heart-related side effects possibly linked to Covid-19 vaccines.”

The same report said, “Johnson & Johnson’s jab again was dragged into controversy last week when the FDA ordered the company to discard 60 million COVID-19 vaccine doses, citing contamination risks.”

Finally, are you Rapture Ready?

If you want to be rapture ready and go to heaven, you must be born again (John 3:3). God loves you, and if you have not done so, sincerely admit that you are a sinner; believe that Jesus is the virgin-born, sinless Son of God who died for the sins of the world, was buried, and raised from the dead; ask Him to forgive your sins, cleanse you, come into your heart and be your Saviour; then tell someone that you have done this.

[iamwhoiamtmblr]

Title: Remember Who You Are

Story Rating: Chapter 12 – 18+ Warnings: Fluff, mention of smut, mention of masturbation, language Relationships: Nomad Steve Rogers x Reader; Steve Rogers x Reader; Dark Steve Rogers x Reader

I’ve decided to tell the story from the point of view from both Steve and the Reader. Tell the both sides of the story. The main villain is being introduced gradually. I’m referring to her as “Mistress” for now. Other characters will also be introduced as the story progresses, one an OFC.

Master List - Links to Other Chapters

***My work is to not be posted on any other site without my permission. If you see it anywhere other than Tumblr please inform me***

(FLASHBACK 1st date)

The afternoon session was a grueling workout. Hand to hand combat training was intense. Thankfully you had martial arts training in the past so you were used to the tactics and speed. Still it was painful. Getting kicked in the stomach several times and getting your legs swept out from underneath you had you on guard. Captain America evaluated everyone, making notes on what each agent needed more training with. The “asshole” Peter tried to punch you in the face. Steve came up behind him and threw him against the wall. “Never leave your back open, you could get killed.” Peter was taken aback. Part of you was shocked Steve did that but you were happy he did. Peter was arrogant enough to think he was perfect. Steve knocked his arrogance down a peg or two. “Alright everyone, that’s enough for today. 4 hours is enough.”

Leaving the locker room, you are anxious to go home. Tired and sore, you make your way to your car. “Excuse me, (Y/N)?” You jump and spin around to see Steve behind you. “Holy crap you scared me!” “Sorry, didn’t mean to.” “Yes?” “How did you make out today?” “Ok, I guess, sore & tired” you smile. “Too tired for dinner?” “Ummm, no” – you blush. “How about 8:00? I’ll pick you up” “Sure, I’ll be ready.” “I’ll see you then.”  Steve walked away smiling.

You turn and get inside your car, waiting for Steve to walk away out of sight. “What the hell just happened?” He asked you out! Dinner? You rush home as fast as you legally drive!

You sighed. “What do I wear?”  “Where are we going?” “Why did he ask me out?” Butterflies were in your stomach.

After showering, you put your make-up on and you put your hair done up in a fancy bun. You open your closet door. You must have tried on every outfit you have at least twice.

Finally selecting a not too extravagant black little dress; simple but elegant. You look at the clock, 7:55, you were nervous and shaking. One of America’s greatest heroes, who was not bad looking by the way, was on his way to pick you up. “Why me?”

Falling into a daydream, a knock at the door makes you come to your senses. Trying not to show your nervousness, you answer the door to find Steve standing in jeans, leather jacket, crisp white shirt, holding a bouquet of purple roses. You realize your overdress. “Hi Steve.” “Wow, you look great.” You blush. “I’m overdressed huh.” “Well, we are going to dinner on my bike so yea I think so.” He smiles. “ok, brb”

You run back to your bedroom grabbing a pink blouse and jeans. You let your hair down; the helmet wouldn’t fit over your up-do. You pause, looking into the mirror. You try to calm yourself, counting to 30. You head back to the door. “Ok, ready.” “Thank you for the flowers by the way. I love purple roses. They’re my favorite.” “I know.” Steve blushes. (He blushes too!)

Going out of the front doors of your apartment building, you and Steve ride on his Harley.  Arriving at the restaurant which was a casual diner, you and Steve enjoyed light hearted conversation and “Home-cooked Meal” as he put it. (Meat and potatoes kind of place).

He suggests going for a walk on a nearby walking trail. Immediately after getting off the bike 🏍 he quickly takes your hand. You blush. His hand is strong as he holds you with a firm grip. Almost afraid to let go. You both walk for quite a while. Talking about this & that. His life since coming out of the ice. He wants to know about you. You tell him of the heartbreak you suffered as a child. Losing your parents at an early age, thankfully your grandmother took you in. She was a cop 👮‍♀️. You admired her strength so you decided to be one to, except your a SHIELD agent now. Steve realizes you both are have gone through a hard life. He holds your hand tighter. His eyes show love and compassion. He smiles at you. “Dessert? Ice cream?” You nod. You and Steve go for a drive around town, stopping at an ice cream shack near the bus station, not far from the city center. “Are you enjoying yourself? You’re awful quiet now.” – (Steve) “Yes.” you smile. “I guess I’m nervous.” “About what?” You didn’t want to tell him the truth that you were nervous about the date so you made something up. “My first mission.” “You and the other recruits are almost finished your required training. Hopefully soon you’ll be out in the field soon. The 2 weeks are almost up.” “How are we doing?” “Umm… not bad, but I think you’ll do ok.” He smiles. Steve looks at his watch, “Time to go, I have a mission briefing in the morning.” You nod, too nervous to say anything else. The ride back to your apartment went by way too fast. Having your arms around Steve felt like you belonged there. Getting off the bike, you turn to Steve. “Thank you for dinner.” “Your welcome, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stops, reaches for your chin and lightly kisses you. You blush as Steve rides off into the night. “Wonder how tomorrow will go?” you sigh. You walk into your apartment and plop down on the bed. You can’t believe what happened. He kissed you. You had a hard time to fall asleep wondering what will happen next.

Steve drove away as happy as he could be. He kissed you. It was a start. His heart started to feel alive again. He didn’t expect to fall in love after Peggy. He tried dating but most women weren’t his type or they just wanted to be with “Captain America”. He thought you were special to capture his heart. He didn’t want to scare you so he ended the night.

In fact he lied about the meeting. He knew if you were in presence any longer, he would take you home with him. He wanted you in his arms tonight, crushing you beneath him in his bed moaning his name as he fucked you senseless over and over again. Never wanting to let you go or let you out of his bed. His lust and desire for you matched the hardness in his jeans. He’ll satisfy himself when he gets home. He sighed. He told himself to be patient. That first day you met, he noticed there was something special about you; your smile. It was warm and inviting which matched your soul. He fell in love with you fast, head over heels so to speak. He’d hope you’d fall in love with him. He wanted to take it slow but he was scared someone else would try to date you instead. He did the same thing as you; he had a hard time to fall asleep wondering what will happen next.

-----------------------------------------------------

I welcome any feedback; negative or positive and reblogs 😊❤ 

[butchfemmelove]

im blocking out your blog name because you cannot promote your nsfw blog on our sfw blog that is followed by many minors.

i would really strongly recommend reading through our faq, because it seems you have a misunderstanding on what butch and femme are and what roles they play in the lesbian community. there are no identities “between” butch and femme, there are just butch, femme, and lesbians who are neither. (and just in case you were wondering: “futch” is not a thing.)

butch is not just a word for “masculine lesbian” and femme is not just a word for “feminine lesbian”. they are each whole and complex identities, with a specific community, culture, and history. they are flipsides of the same coin, not two opposite ends of a spectrum of lesbianism.

there aren’t a huge amount of lesbian labels with the same kind of history and community as butch/femme have. there are a few that are specifically for black/latine lesbians, such as stud or AG. there are some terms with less significant meaning behind them that may refer mostly to appearance, such as androgynous or lipstick lesbian. there are probably many in other countries/cultures that i am not aware of. but there is not a masterlist of lesbian identities that you can pick and choose from like accessories just for fun. maybe you see other butches and femmes celebrating and finding power in identifying as such, and you want to get in on that, but that does not mean that they apply to all lesbians and that all lesbians should try and fit themselves into them. there is just as much power in simply identifying as a lesbian, and seeking broader lesbian culture and history to connect with.

if you were an adult lesbian around the 1950s and you frequented working class lesbian bars in america, you may have had to fit yourself into either a butch or femme role, because that was the dominant culture at the time. but that context no longer exists, and butch and femme identities have evolved and adapted to modern times. that doesn’t mean that they’ve lost all relevance and can be used however you like though - there are still plenty of butches and femmes today that continue to uphold and improve our culture and traditions.

as a lesbian, i encourage you to read about and find connection with lesbian history, as well as modern lesbian culture. but please don’t do so with the goal of just finding another label to tack onto yourself. butch and femme are only one piece in the rich tapestry of lesbianism, they are not all encompassing or meaningful to everyone. there are many more lesbians like you, who are not butch or femme but who find their own lesbian identity to be powerful and personally significant. trying to apply butch or femme to yourself when it doesn’t fit you will either result in watering down the meanings of butch and femme, or in restricting your own self expression and growth as you attempt to conform to something you are not. its okay to be a lesbian in your own unique way, and you can celebrate that.

again, i really would encourage you, and anyone else seeing this post, to thoroughly read through our faq, as well as our info tag which contains quotes, helpful posts, and links to further reading to understand butch and femme identity better.

https://butchfemmelove.tumblr.com/faq

https://butchfemmelove.tumblr.com/tagged/info

[virtual-lara]

Collection of Information from the official Tomb Raider 1 Website

If you've ever gone back in Web Archive history for the official Tomb Raider website, you may have come across the front page for Tomb Raider 1, but due to the age, any links have been lost and many pages are now inaccessable. After searching for very, very old fansites, we've come across 3 that have filled in these blanks. The following post will go through these lost pages. Hopefully you will find this as interesting as we did.

The left above image is dated Dec '96, the right above image is dated Jan '97. Note how 'Lara's Page & Calendar', 'Features' and 'Contests' is added in just over a month. The websites that I will be referring to are: the official Tomb Raider website and the following fansites: Saint Francis Folly C. 1996-1997 | Robert Wheeler's Tomb Raider Archives C. 30/11/1996-2001? (later hosted by Croft Times) | Tomb Raider Unleashed 1997-1997

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lara's Page

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- OFFICIAL LINK - Dated as early as Jan 1997 | SFF | TR Unleashed | TR Archives

We believe that this included the very first draft of a biography for Lara. Sadly it does not appear, so we can only ever be 99% certain but the information was saved due to the very early fansites - TR Archives especially as he created pages using exact/very similar titles to the official website. All three listed fansites give the same details:

========================

NAME: Lara Croft

DATE OF BIRTH: 14th February 1967

PLACE OF BIRTH: England

HEIGHT: 5'7''

WEIGHT: 8 Stone, 11 lbs (about 55Kgs)

FIGURE: 38" Bust, 22" Waist, 34" Hips

HAIR: Brown

EYES: Brown

BACKGROUND: Lara the daughter of Lord Henshingly Croft, was raised to be an aristocrat from birth. After attending finishing school at the age of 21, Lara's marriage into wealth had seemed assured, but on her way home from a skiing trip her chartered plane had crashed deep in the heart of the Himalayas. The only survivor, Lara learned how to depend on her wits to stay alive in hostile conditions a world away from her sheltered upbringing. Two weeks later when she walked into the village of Tokakeriby her experiences had had a profound effect on her. Unable to stand the claustrophobic suffocating atmosphere of upper-class British society, she realised that she was only truly alive when she was travelling alone. Over the eight following years she acquired an intimate knowledge of ancient civilisations across the globe. Her family soon disowned their prodigal daughter, and she turned to writing to fund her trips. Famed for discovering several ancient sites of profound archaeological interest she made a name for herself by publishing travel books and detailed journals of her exploits.

DISCOVERIES: 1993 - The Lost Ark of the Covenant. 1996 - The Alantian Scion.

========================

VL Thoughts: The inclusion of a discovery date for the Ark is very interesting. Perhaps the developers felt that they needed to date the item in the mansion. Other than that, nothing's too surprising.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Calendar

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- OFFICIAL LINK - Earliest capture: Jun 1997 | TR Archives

You could visit the Calendar page each month (starting from Jan 97) to see that month's page, featuring clickable links to wallpapers, new sounds and details of any upcoming releases, including other Core/Eidos games. Check out the TR Archives link just above to see 6 months of the calendar. A later capture of the TR Archives fills in the remaining 6 months, but only December works now and the design starts to change, ready for TR2!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Storyline

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- OFFICIAL LINK - Earliest capture: Jun 1997

No need for any fansite on this one as this page is available!

========================

Lara Croft has just returned from a hunting trip in the Himalayas where, having bagged a 12-foot tall yeti, she's itching for a new challenge. While enjoying a little R & R, she's contacted Jacqueline Natla, a conniving business woman who convinces Lara to recover a mysterious artifact from the tomb of Qualopec in Peru.

Wasting no time, Lara sets out on her quest to find one of the three pieces of the ancient Atlantean Scion, a talisman of incredible power. After disovering the fragment things get ugly, Lara finds herself face to face with one of Natla's hired goons. Using her cunning wits and athletic strenghth, Lara escapes!

As she delves into the reasons why Natla would double cross her, she uncovers a mystery that reaches back before the dawn of recorded time to the treachery that destroyed the Atlantean civilization and the disasters that struck the world when it fell.

Enter the Tomb Raider world in 15 massive 3D environments within four lost civilizations:

- Vilcabamba... A civilization that flourished for hundreds of years in the Peruvian rainforests of South America. Guide Lara through the lost Incan city while battling wolves, bats, bears, raptors, and more.

- Labryinth...The Golden Age of Greece, and later Rome. Here Lara battles lions, alligators, crazed monkeys and more as she explores ruins of this ancient civilization.

- Egyptian...Where the vast power of Egypt rose with the pyramids. Explore buried pyramids and a hidden sphinx while fighting pumas, crocodiles, and some surprising mystical monsters.

- Atlantean...The pyramid of Atlantis where the mystery unfolds. Play and see!!!

========================

VL Thoughts: There are a couple of cool things. Firstly, here is an early source to date Lara's escapade for Bigfoot, but later in 2003 when the AOD Official Companion book is released, it is dated to 1995. But a location is mentioned - the Himilayas and Bigfoot is incorrectedly called a Yeti, the latter would be geographically more accurate. Secondly, the locations of the levels are broken up into zones, as mentioned in an early '96 draft recently released by Paul Douglas. Note the Labryinth levels. It was not an accident that St Francis Folly includes a mix up of Norse/Greek/Roman characters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Features

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- OFFICIAL LINK - Earliest capture: Jun 1997

No need for any fansite on this one as this page is available!

This page contains a listing of elements about the game, camera, enemies and levels etc. It also includes various 3D patches and demos, too much for us to list here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Extra pages

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

- OFFICIAL LINK (Sounds) - Earliest capture: Jun 1997 | OFFICIAL LINK (Wallpapers) - Earliest capture: Jun 1997 | TR Archives

There were wallpapers, soundbites and even movies available on the official website but they're not listed on the front page. We believe that these pages would have been linked to via the calendar pages. Tomb Raider Archives lists out the sounds and even the movies. To avoid making this post any longer, check out the link above. We have a little bit of info on the wallpapers. In TR Archives' fansites list (dated 4th June 97), there is a fansite called Game Schtuff's Tomb Raider page. This particular website says that there are 8 wallpapers (backed up by TR Arc) but this site shows them. Sadly only two images load.

VL Final Thoughts: We couldn't find the 'Contests' or 'Screenshots' pages, and although most of this data is now known, it's nice to see it on the official website with an early date. If you've reached the end of this article, we hoped that you've enjoyed looking back in TR1 history as we have raiding the archives!

[capsicle13]

A Second Chance (Chapter 2)

Here is the second part! Sometimes I post more on AO3 so if you want to follow it here is the link. https://archiveofourown.org/works/24064321/chapters/57912079

*********

There’s not a day that goes by when he’s not thinking about her. She is constantly on his mind, and he always lets those thoughts wander, wondering if she’s doing okay and if she’s thriving just like he hoped she would.

The decision to leave her plagues him, filling him with a regret he has to carry for the rest of his life. Some days he wishes he had kept her, but the life he was now forced to live wasn’t the life he wanted for her. She deserved better than what he could give.

His thoughts always shift between his daughter and Tony. There have been no signs of communication since the night Steve turned Tony’s world upside down for the second time. No calls, messages or letters; nothing. It was worrisome at first, but Steve knew deep down that Tony wouldn’t abandon their daughter.

She was probably doing well, at least that’s what Steve liked to tell himself. He doesn’t regret leaving her with Tony, knowing she’s being spoiled and loved by him. Steve wishes he could be there with them, but he ran for a reason. He was a criminal. He’s caused enough harm to the people he loved.

He was no longer Captain America, ditching that title the moment he let the shield slip from his fingers in the old Hydra base. That wasn’t who he was anymore. He was a criminal, the complete opposite of what Captain America was supposed to represent.

Staying hidden and out of sight was a struggle initially, but spending a majority of that time with Natasha taught him how to keep a low profile. The beard he let grow out helped; no one recognized him anymore. And maybe that was for the best. He wasn’t the Steve Rogers everyone knew him to be.

He could only be on the run for so long. It wasn’t until Natasha suggested they return home did Steve finally agree. He’d been away long enough.

Bucky remained in Wakanda. He was still recovering, and Steve didn’t feel right ripping him away from the peace he’s found and dragging him back to New York. He also didn’t know how Tony would react upon seeing the ex-assassin. Their last encounter had been brutal.

Going home was risky. There was a chance that he would be turned over to Ross, but it was a risk he was willing to take. He needed to see his daughter.

“You guys look like crap,” is the first thing Rhodey says when Steve, Natasha and Sam step foot back into the compound. It was clear Rhodey was still bitter about the incident involving Steve and his best friend. It’s not surprising, this is exactly how Steve imagined he’d be greeted if he ever showed his face again.

“Yeah, well the hotel’s weren’t exactly five star,” Sam replies and the small grin that appears over Rhodey’s face gives Steve hope. Maybe there was a chance of him being forgiven. He can only hope Tony can do the same.

Rhodey is shifting his attention to him again and he folds his arms over his chest. He’s still upset, but it’s clear he’s doing his best to be civil. “He’s not here,” he says, and Steve doesn’t even need to ask who he’s referring to. “and honestly I don’t think he wants to see you.”

Steve’s shoulders sag. He’s doing everything he can not to let his emotions get the best of him, but he knows he’s failing miserably. All he wanted to do was make things right.

“Where is he?” Steve asks, not knowing if he was going to get an answer or not.

Rhodey sighs and glances down near his feet for a moment before meeting Steve’s eyes again. “Listen, he wants to be left alone. He’s happy now.”

Those words are like a punch to the gut. Steve should be glad Tony is happy, and maybe a part of him is, but the other half doesn’t want him to be. At least not until they’ve restored their relationship.

“I just want to talk. I want to make things right.”

Rhodey stares him down. Steve would understand completely if his request wasn’t granted. What he did to Tony was unforgivable, and perhaps he should move on like Tony has. But he can’t. Not without him and their daughter.

Rhodey lets out another sigh. “You should shower first. I doubt he’ll let you near him smelling like that.”

Steve does more than just shower. He shaves the beard off. He wonders what Tony would have thought of it, but the facial hair makes him unrecognizable and the last thing he wants is for Tony to not know who he is.

At least...anymore than he already does.

The last place Steve expected to find Tony was in a secluded lake house. He had pictured Tony living in the compound or one of his many extravagant homes. The lake house wasn’t like Tony at all. Perhaps they both had changed over the years.

Natasha had come with him. Steve’s not sure if she tagged along for support or to clean up another mess if one were to get created. Maybe both. Whatever the reason, Steve is grateful for her company.

“You coming?” Steve asks when he realizes she hasn’t unbuckled her seatbelt.

She smiles softly at him. “I’ll give you two some space. If anything happens-”

“Nothing will,” Steve is quick to assure. The point of seeing Tony again was not to fight. They’ve done enough of that already.

Tony is outside with a little girl in his arms when Steve does get out of the car. Steve knows immediately who she is, and his heart aches to see more of her.

Seeing Tony for the first time in years brings forth an array of emotions. That love he has for him is still there, outweighing everything else. But the guilt lingers. It never left despite the time between them.

Tony doesn’t look the same. He’s aged some over the years, but it’s not the bit of gray in his hair that makes him different from what Steve remembers. He appears happy, content with where he is. Steve has never seen him so calm and relaxed. So at ease.

It was good. Tony deserved this.

The moment he notices Steve is when something in his eyes shifts. Steve waits for the yelling to start, for him to be told to leave the property, but instead Tony is allowing him closer until they’re standing on the front porch of his house.

Their daughter isn’t with them. Steve wishes Tony would have allowed her to stay, but he understands that the conversation they needed to have didn’t need to happen in front of her. There was time for Steve to meet her after they’ve finished talking.

Tony makes himself comfortable by occupying one of the chairs. He gestures for Steve to do the same, but he declines, deciding to stand instead. Maybe he should sit down, but he’s still hesitant to get too close. He doesn’t know how Tony really feels about him yet.

“It’s good to see you, Tony,” Steve is the first to say. He means every word. For years he’s wondered how Tony had been doing and if they were ever going to cross paths again.

“I wish I could say the same.” Tony’s response hurts, but Steve understands why his presence would make Tony feel this way.

“I’m sorry.”

Tony scoffs. “What are you apologizing for exactly?”

“Everything,” Steve says. “I know me being here isn’t what you expected-”

“You want to know what I never expected, Rogers? I never expected you to lie to me, to betray me. To keep lying! How long did you know?”

The question could be in reference to the truth about Tony’s parents, but Steve knows he’s talking about their daughter.

“After Siberia-”

“Jesus.” Tony runs a hand through his hair. “You were pregnant when we…” he trails off, cursing when Steve nods his head.

“I swear I didn’t know about her before all that,” Steve explains.

“But you found out later. Why wasn’t that in the letter?”

Steve lets out a sigh. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“So you kept something else from me?” Tony spats. He’s growing angry, and Steve knows he needs to be cautious. He can’t risk losing his shot at fixing what was broken.

“I’m sorry, Tony. I wanted to tell you, but the truth is I was scared. Which is why I left her with you.”

“I get you abandoning me and the team. I’ve learned to move past that, but abandoning her...that’s where I have a problem.”

“I didn’t abandon her-”

“You left her! You snuck into the compound and you left her! Did you even care? She needed you.”

“She needed you more. Tony, you know why I did what I did. You know what I’ve become. She didn’t need to be around any of that...around me.”

“Why now?” Tony asks. His tone is still the same, dripping with venom. There’s a bit of hurt in there as well. “Why show your face now? For years you could’ve done something.”

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me,” Steve answers honestly. “I wanted to write to you, but I didn’t know if you would even read another letter.”

“You could’ve called.”

“I know. You could’ve, too.”

Steve has no idea if the phone he sent Tony was still in his possession. He would be lying if he said he never waited to hear from him. Not once did he ever receive any phone calls.

“Yeah, but your letter said if I ever needed you. Guess what? I never did. I think I did just fine.”

“Can I see her?” Steve knows he should have waited to ask that question until they were both calm, but he can’t wait any longer. He needs to see his baby.

“You already did,” Tony says.

“Please? I just want to meet her.”

“She doesn’t know you.”

Steve frowns at those words. He shouldn’t be upset. He knew from the beginning that giving her up would result in them never having a relationship. He had hoped to create one with her if given the chance. But Tony wasn’t about to give him that chance.

“You didn’t tell her about me?”

“Why would I do that? I didn’t know if you were going to come back. You made it clear that no one else mattered when you disappeared with Barnes.”

“Believe me, Tony I wanted to come back,” Steve says, ignoring the way Tony scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I wanted to be a part of her life, but the life I was forced to live-”

“Was because of your doing! All you had to do was stand down, but you can’t seem to do that, can you?”

“He’s my friend.”

“And she’s your daughter.”

The silence that follows is unbearable, more so because Steve knows he’s the reason for the tension between them. His intentions were to never hurt anyone. If only things had played out differently.

“What’s her name?” Steve breaks the silence first. Tony peers up at him, the fiery look in his eyes slowly dying out.

“Morgan,” Tony replies.

Steve smiles. “It’s pretty. I guess I thought you would’ve named her after your mother.”

“We named her after Pepper’s uncle.”

At those words, Steve’s eyes are landing on the gold band on Tony’s fingers, brows furrowing at the sight. He can’t help the sad sigh that leaves his lips. Of course Tony and Pepper would rekindle their relationship. Steve was too late.

“I didn’t know you two…”

“Steve, come on. What did you think was gonna happen? That you were gonna come back and pick up where we left off? It was never going to work.”

“I just wanted to see her. To see you.”

“Well you saw us. Don’t know when you’ll see us again. Knowing you probably not for another few years.”

“I’m not leaving. Not anymore.”

Tony nods, though he doesn’t appear convinced. It doesn’t matter. Steve will prove to him some way or another that he was here to stay.

“Where have you been?” Tony asks.

“Everywhere. I don’t really have a place to go to,” Steve says. There’s the compound, but he’s not sure if he’s granted full access to his past home.

“You have the compound. It’s your home, too.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

Another silence falls over them. So much is still needed to be said, but neither one initiates it. Steve tries to remain positive, reminding himself that they were at least getting a few words out and avoiding another fight. They’ve come close to one, but somehow managed to keep themselves in check.

Steve decides to keep their conversation going and he opens his mouth, only to shut it when the front door of the house is opening and Morgan rushes outside. She runs straight to Tony.

“Mommy told me to come and save you,” she says.

Hearing those words hurts. It hurts more than the painful words Tony or anyone else in his life has spewed. Hearing his daughter call Pepper mommy was the last thing Steve ever expected. It wasn’t fair.

Tony lifts Morgan into his arms, hugging her close. “Good job. I’m saved,” he tells her.

Tony rises to his feet and heads to the door with Morgan in his arms. Steve quickly stops him from going any further.

“Tony, wait. I’m happy for you, I really am. But just give me a second chance.”

“I got my second chance right here, Cap.”

“Let me have mine. Please?” Steve begs, his eyes filling with tears. Morgan is staring at him, completely unaware of who he is. That only brings more pain. “Tony-”

“You need to go,” Tony says. Then he’s turning away and leaving Steve alone on the porch.

There’s no reason for Steve to stay, he’s already overstayed his welcome. He doesn’t want to go. He promised he wouldn’t leave anymore, but it was obvious Tony didn’t want him around.

Natasha doesn’t say anything when he joins her back in the car. She already knows how it went, and she lays a comforting hand over his shoulder. It helps, but it’s not enough to fully take away the pain.

It was too late. He lost his second chance.