#regardless of all else because I do not do politics

[drbased]

ok I have to talk about 'the dialectic of sex' by shulamith firestone because it was one of the first proper feminist books I read and I didn't have the confidence back then to address this book:

so this is still the only book I've read so far that actually uses the words 'radical feminist' - except her definition of this politics is essentially transhumanist luxury space communism. because her understanding is that the 'root' of women's oppression is our reproductive capacity and therefore no matter what happens society will never fully be able to share the burden of childbirth and child-rearing across both sexes.

this book feels so evocative of its time - like there was a small window of pure hope shortly after the invention of the pill and the hippy movement where everything entirely changed for women. like, think about it: up until that point unless you use some sort of condom (which men don't like using - and also not 100% effective anyway) you're basically always vulnerable to being impregnated by a man during piv, which is considered the basic form of sexual intimacy wth men, which women are expected to engage in to be considered full members of society. so women would have all been in some sort of constant state of low-key fear; one sex - or rape - away from having a child that would change their entire existence. that's got to really fuck you up, especially your relationship with your own body. and you could get an abortion but only if you're incredibly lucky, and still getting an abortion is probably more like surviving a car crash than anything - like you're glad you made it through but also you're still damaged psychologically and probably physically as well. and it's such a silent fear as well - because women are supposed to want babies and babies just happen so you're not allowed to complain that this is because your husband always wants sex and he's the one who impregnates you but if he does people say 'she got herself pregnant again'. like there's layer upon layer of psychological terrorism surrounding men's impregnation of women and that's gotta mess you the hell up.

so the invention of the pill - holy shit, just imagine it. the hope. you can take the pill in secret, you can take the power back, you're not uniquely vulnerable to your own bodily forces anymore, that gives you time to fucking think, to be alive, to feel, to feel vulnerable, to feel free. it's like literal magic. if the most basic of happenings - pregnancy - can be actually prevented, then what else can we do to the body? what else can science do for us?? how more free can we get?? It's women's first time to (ironically) feel like a god, able to transcend the body. I'm actually surprised that I've not found more writings like shulamith's - that there weren't more women spurred on by this amazing discovery into further transhumanism. I guess the problem was that women were starting to notice that whilst women were able to change their own individual lives with the pill, that wasn't making men behave any differently.

but I still find it fascinating how this definition of radical feminism hasn't survived at all. as it stands on radblr, the 'root' of women's oppression is men, and therefore the only real solution is separatism. but like, what happened to the brand of feminism that says, uhhhh isn't it actually kinda fucked up that half the human race are burdened entirely with pregnancy, birth and child-rearing? and could we maybe be freed from that if we used science to bring about children another way? I'm not even agreeing with her that that would solve everything (because regardless even if we *could* make babies in a tube, that doesn't mean all women are going to magically become infertile, and it certainly doesn't mean than men are going to be less violent against us), but I'm very interested in questioning what the 'root' of women's oppression is - because modern 'radical feminism' has a lot of gaps to allow for a simplistic narrative that I'm sure many in the community, definitely myself included, are rapidly tiring of. and I think it shows in the separatism debate, which rages on because no one can think of any other solution, because the unspoken tenet is that what the 'root' is is solved and agreed-upon, and therefore the answer is just so damn obvious that the women who don't agree must be scared and stupid. I've been wanting to address this in some form or another for years now, and I guess I'm dipping my toes in it now.

at the very least, I'd like to know if someone has a good source on where the term 'radical feminism' came from and how its meaning has evolved over the years. in ariel levy's 'female chauvinist pigs' she touches on this debate that started in the late seventies that led to the fracturing of feminism and the creation of liberal feminism - and it seems to be along these same lines of separatism vs fucking men. I've always found it odd that there's essentially no middle ground here - like you don't need to embrace 'sluttiness' in order to want to have a healthy sexual relationship with a man, but it seems the liberal feminist side chose that, meanwhile the only other 'mainstream' option seems to be separatism. obviously a lot of the women in radblr don't actually fully agree with that - but all us hetties are suspiciously silent on that subject.

to me the issues with separatism go further than simply sex with men - sure it's psychologically good for you to only purchase from women owned businesses and only read books by women etc etc, and it financially uplifts other women. but also we live under capitalism, which obscures our reliance on each other. when you buy from that woman-owned business, the person delivering your package is likely to be male, the person who assembled the vehicle he drives is likely to be male, the person who constructed the roads he drives on is likely to be male. this is not to say that men are vital - but rather, your 'separatist choice' is a fundamentally capitalistic one that exists more for your peace of mind than being anything actually radical - as in, nothing about the 'root' of women's oppression is addressed in doing so. there's no ethical consumption under capitalism yadda yadda. and only speaking to women irl is also less of a capitalist action but still ultimately an individual one. there's so much emphasis on personal actions as the height of feminism and it screams liberal individualist to me. like you took 'the personal is political' and ran with it.

but if the root of the problem is men, then that's simple, isn't it? just don't interact with men. don't have sex with men. don't pay men, apart from the men who happen to be an inescapable part of the supply chain, they will inevitably get paid by your actions anyway, but you don't have to think about that because that's what capitalism does: it makes you think you have this magical power as an indvidual to make real radical choice in the world, to 'vote with your dollar'.

I'm not exactly calling for firebombing a walmart but I'm bored with the capitalism-loving individualistic liberalism of what this community calls 'radical feminism' - but that same thought-terminating cliche keeps getting thrown at us: 'we're radical, which means we grasp at the root, and the root is male violence, so you can't call yourself a radical feminist if you don't want to do the basic things of not wearing make-up and not fucking men'. and nobody ever seems to stop and question, does any of that actually address the root of our oppression? capitalism isn't the only economic system that has ever oppressed women, but it's the one we live under, and it's very good at sneaking into the backdrop of our lives and naturalising hierarchies - capitalism becomes its own justification, e.g. women choose low-paying jobs just because that's what we gravitate to, yanno?

being genuinely anti-capitalist recomplicates politics all over again, because suddenly it's not an easy men vs women but also men vs women vs rich people, some of whom are women??? and like, what's the solution to that? do we stand with men agains the capitalist system and risk our voices getting silenced, or do we go full single-issue and just go fuck it, capitalism was created by men for themselves like solanas said, so if we stand against men then idk capitalism will just sort of fall by itself? or in reality it's just not addressed at all. separatism itself always sits there as a thought-terminating cliche in and of itself - an accusation ready to be levelled at anyone who wants to question any of these unspoken tenets of radblr. and the goal-post is ever-shifting - separatism is women's land, but if you say that's not a real solution in our capitalist interconnected world then you get accused of not wanting women's spaces because that's obviously what separatism has been about this whole time. also separatism is not fucking men, actually it's not about that it's about prioritising women (vague), and on and on and on - the argument always shifts so the word stays pure. but like, is separatism an end-goal? a political tactic? something you do to enrich your own life and psyche? something to give space for consciousness-raising? I saw someone ages ago claim that the suffragettes wanting the right to vote was somehow separatist because idk, the women were making spaces for themselves? but wanting to involve yourself in male politics is literally assimilationist, no??

I'lm going to stop rambling for now but this was good to get my thoughts out there - I enjoy my theorising in this space but I'm also deeply interested in questioning. I've noticed time and time again that discourse is always stopped by 'you're not a real radical feminist if you do/don't do x' and I've found it really odd and telling that no one's questioned that? like sure I know we've built our whole political framework on 'words mean things' but also it's always worth questioning the definition of 'radical' and what the 'root' of our oppression is, and what we can actually do to address it, and if our narratives and assumptions are too simplistic. the community would be all the better for it imho. I already think the influx of 'tirfs' in the community and the khelif debate has been opening up these unspoken simplistic narratives on the nature of gender vs sex, of socialisation vs low-key biological essentialism, and I think we can push that kind of questioning even further. ramble over.

[chewbokachoi]

"You said you liked it so I brought it for you." bireenaaaaaa

Eyy looked who finally got to it--sorry for the delay! Ended up a lil longer than anticipated but I had fun regardless :D

Bi-Han felt out of his element.

He was standing, watching just out of sight, not sure if he should make himself known or just continue to observe. Most of him, the sensible part of him (or what remained of it) said he was being obtuse and a creep. But a small part of him, a small voice he ignored for years and thought left for dead, chimed in. What if she hates it? It whispered.

To let insecurity rule him after clawing his way back to life. Bi-Han shoved the voice back once more and slipped out of his hiding place. He snatched up the gift and decided to find Sareena rather than wait in the shadows, or worse, leave it unguarded.

He slipped the parcel into a satchel he had taken to wearing. The idea of being seen carrying around something so carefully wrapped yet so clumsy and unrefined would have been one too many humiliations to deal with. 

Watching Tomas wrap all of the gifts he had prepared for everyone had only done so much to help Bi-Han. He wasn't sure if Tomas appreciated the audience, or who the audience was, but he didn't say anything at least. It was a mix of comfort and further frustration for Bi-Han. While it was good Tomas didn't shun him, Bi-Han resented himself for not knowing how much Tomas truly tolerated him.

Of course it made sense somebody like Bi-Han didn't have as much skill as Tomas at gift wrapping; Tomas who had the time to pursue such a frivolous hobby. But it still gnawed at his pride that he couldn't make something for Sareena half as good. And to even consider asking Tomas to help wrap it for him? Absolutely not.

Bi-Han hoped Sareena would at least appreciate the colors. She always wore black and red. Finding red ribbons was easy enough–black wrapping paper, he found, was harder despite how popular goth fashion and other grim aesthetics had become. Of course part of him was eager to point out it was probably only difficult because he didn't dare ask anyone for help. And then the more delicate part of the gift…Bi-Han found his face warming at the thought of it. It was stupid. He could just leave it in his bag.

To his relief, Bi-Han found Sareena by herself. She was in Liu Kang's library and she had found a rather large, old book. Bi-Han wanted to know what it was, and he wanted to see if he could find out without having to ask. But the closer he got, he saw it wasn't in any language he knew. How much time had he lost out on? Clearly enough for her to have comfortably learned another language.

Despite how quiet Bi-Han was, she knew he was there. Covering his scent on a whim wasn't something he had figured out how to do. Still, he walked close enough to be polite but keep a respectful distance and waited for her to turn around.

Sareena set the book down and turned to face Bi-Han, her expression neutral despite her demonic features. They always made her look vaguely upset or annoyed. In a better mood, Bi-Han could see himself tolerating comments saying that he could relate. But when that mood would finally arrive, he couldn't say. So, instead, he kept his own neutral expression, waiting on Sareena to decide if she had the patience for him or not.

"You're done with training early," she said.

Bi-Han gave a small shrug. "I woke up earlier," he said. He had woken up early so he could get his training in and have time to wrap the gift and present it to her on time.

She tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes, the action always somehow ensnaring Bi-Han to her. "I thought you preferred reading one book at a time," she continued, uninterested in Bi-Han's reason for being done with training earlier than she expected. "And the book I last saw you with from here was sizable."

"You are correct," he said, not knowing what else to say. She was still paying attention to him and the thought alone made him want to disappear. He could still make an escape, but he'd have to at least give her her gift. Perhaps while she was distracted by unwrapping it–there was no way it would open neatly–he could disappear. "I came to find you," he said, reaching into the satchel.

Her irises widened like a curious cat's.

Bi-Han pulled out the first gift, his fingers brushing against the second half. For a second, he thought he broke it. But to his relief, it was fine. He pulled out the parcel and handed it to Sareena, barely able to keep his gaze on her.

"Who's this from? Did somebody ask you to deliver this to me?" Sareena asked, pausing her reach.

Bi-Han felt his face flush. "No," he said. And that was all he could manage.

Sareena's surprise gave way to realization. "Oh." She looked back down at the parcel and picked it up, her movements sharp and angular–more demonic than human. She back down on the stone bench, suddenly entranced by the little parcel. "Did you wrap this?" She asked, tugging at the ribbon, a hint of amusement in her voice.

"I may have," Bi-Han muttered, trying to keep his focus on how her hands moved, peeling at the tape and paper. But instead he was watching her face, seeing how happy and curious she was. It occurred to him that the odds of getting a gift from the Netherrealm were low, and they'd be tools more than anything–especially for a demon of her rank.

She pulled back the paper to reveal the gift: a metal, crocodile incense holder. Its mouth was open, meant for the stick to be inserted into the mouth. 

Bi-Han reached into the satchel before she could say anything and pulled out the incense packet. It was wrapped in blue paper with silver wrapping. He had noticed her preference for sour things, and so he hoped she would appreciate the variety of citrus incense sticks he had found. To his relief–and a boost to his pride–Bi-Han could see Sareena could smell what it was through the wrapping.

"Bi-Han," Sareena said, accepting it with her free hand. "Thank you." She looked up. "But…" she trailed off, not wanting to be rude.

Bi-Han couldn't find it in him to see the question as rude. Maybe a small part of it was because she was still a demon and her ways weren't ever going to fully align with the human world. But Bi-Han knew he couldn't judge anyone for any apprehension or hesitation around him. So, he gave her another shrug. "I heard you saying to Ashrah how much you liked it," he nodded to the holder. "So I bought it for you."

Sareena blinked, processing what he had said. Then she smiled. She carefully placed the still unopened bundle of incense sticks in the hand with the burner. Then she picked up the book. "Would you like to join me for some reading?" Sareena asked, moving to make space for Bi-Han.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. Then he looked around, quickly looking for any book to avoid making it awkward. As he walked over to a shelf full of Chinese books and tales, he could hear Sareena unwrapping the other gift. When he returned to the bench, he saw her inserting a stick into the holder. Then she lit it with a light tap of her finger. She turned around and looked up at Bi-Han, the smile still on her face.

He sat down near her, but not next to her.

Sareena crossed her legs, her knee brushing his thigh.

Bi-Han remained where he was–Sareena had done that on purpose, but he couldn't deny he liked the casualness of her proximity to him. The smell of citrus mixing with the enchanted torches that lit the library was providing an odd and unexpected comfort. Bi-Han felt his shoulders relax and found himself hoping this was something he could enjoy again.

[uncanny-tranny]

So often, I see people who treat certain bigotries as being almost... an unfortunate byproduct of the More Important Bigotry. I see it a lot with bigotries that people are broadly willing to put up with as long as there's a Bigger Picture, or if the bigotry in question is subtle.

Transphobia (for example) isn't an acceptable trade-off for combatting sexism. Often, people are willing to put up with or perpetrate the bigotry (transphobia, in this example) because they see it as an acceptable price to pay for what they actually want.

The thing about bigotry that makes it bad isn't just that different bigotries feed into each other - antisemitism feeds itself into transphobia, which feeds itself into sexism, which feeds itself in racism, and this goes on ad infinitum - it's that bigotry actively affects actual, real people's lives. It prevents people from living, from accessing autonomy, and ultimately deprives them of their human experience. I don't think you ought to see bigotry as a "price to be paid" so you can get yours.

[designernishiki]

tbh out of the games I’ve played all the way thru thus far (0, 1, 2, 3) I think y3 is by far the strongest in regards to kazumaji content/implications, at the very least when it comes to majima’s feelings and displays of affection and whatnot. like. it’s legitimately hard if not impossible to adequately explain some of majima’s actions in this game as anything other than being out of way-beyond-platonic love for kiryu and it makes me want to slam my head against a wall and scream

[chronotopes]

WHY do no virginia colleges have nonfiction mfa programs except for the one i don't really like the nonfiction faculty at. it's not fucking fair.

(warning so much whining occurs in the tags)

[sillimancer]

2024 us political landscape as someone on the lefter end of the spectrum feels kinda like the end of that one spongebob episode where he finally starts doing fry cook shit after pissing everyone off trying to act and sing and everyone's cheering for him as he gradually figures out people don't want him to act and sing they want him to make their fucking krabby patties

[masterhallmark]

Rant incoming

I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.

All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.

Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!

Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.

Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.

We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?

We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?

We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.

Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.

Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.

And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.

Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?

Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.

Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."

Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.

Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.

The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.

[nisuna]

Mouth watering 🤤🤤 I'm really in the mood to turn this into a full-length fic, but my porn with plot stuff usually doesn't do that well, so here's some of my thoughts instead<3 Depending on if this does well or not I might do it! (But, tbh I might do it regardless because I love this idea and it's one of my top favourite scenarios to think about 👀👀 so who knows? Maybe some of you will find this interesting. Please lmk!)

[part 1 & part 2 of this AU]

TW: cult leader!Geto x non-sorcerer!f!reader, oral f&m receiving, period sex and oral, breeding kink, power imbalance, dumbification, public sex, mentions of pregnancy, different positions, name calling, degradation, mirror sex, virginity loss, manipulation

<3masterlist<3

--------------------18+ ONLY MDNI--------------------

cult leader!geto, who didn't pay much attention to you at first when you came to his shrine with the nasty little curse on your shoulder that's been plaguing you for the past few weeks. cl!geto who wanted to have as little to do with people like you and disposed of it with the snap of his fingers.

A weight was literally lifted off your shoulder as you smiled and reached out to grab his hands to thank him, bowing your head. Usually, he would've pulled his hands away and politely told you off not to touch him. But he allowed it this once. There was something about you he couldn't put his finger on just yet. Who would've thought that if he hadn't done that, it would've never come to this.

cl!geto, who noticed you coming back each week with a new complaint, immediately seeing right through your lies, but indulging you nonetheless. cl!geto, who grew increasingly interested in you, inviting you over to show you his organisation.

cl!geto, who made you suck his cock on the first occasion he got. you were so obediend and dumb. he got off on how naive and blinded you were by him, your lord and savior.

cl!geto, who was taken aback when you confessed you were still a virgin. cl!geto who made a religious ritual out of taking your virginity, manipulating and fucking you stupid from then on out.

cl!geto, who enjoyed you doing all the work while riding or squatting on his cock. cl!geto who fucked you mercilessly, saying it was for the greater good of the organisation. cl!geto, who started fucking and eating you out while you were on your period, saying you were his blood sacrifice. and who were you to deny your lord.

cl!geto, who started fucking you more vigurously himself. be it from behind or with him on top. any position that asserted dominance over you, he tried. and he made sure to let you know how much of a lowlife you were compared to him. and you just nodded, blinking up at him through your eyelashes as you sucked on his thick fingers.

"You're so good for me, pet. Keep going."

pet, he called you because that's all you were to him. you were his plaything, nothing more.

cl!geto whose huge hands would roam your body however they pleased. his long fingers working you open until you were ready to take him. cl!geto, who loved feeling your soft and tiny body against his massive frame. cl!geto who would relish in seeing his thick cock through your belly whenever he fucked you so deeply, you could almost feel his tip hit your cervix.

cl!geto who made a public display of fucking you in front of his followers. cl!geto who marked you up with purple marks for everyone to see. however, some didn't understand why he chose you of all people voicing their disapproval. cl!geto, who over time grew fond of a lowly human like you but kept denying his growing feelings for you.

cl!geto, who didn't think it would bother him as much as it did when someone else tried to touch you. his followers starting to see you as public property, which was meant to be shared. cl!geto who felt his blood boil when someone dared to kiss you in front of him, taunting him that he fell in love with a non-sorcerer, which only earned the person a slap across their face as he pulled you close.

"No, it can't be." he thought as the person laughed," Oh, so it is true!" cl!geto, who was shocked when you spoke up.

"Of course not, that couldn't be! Right, Geto-sama?" right, he couldn't fall for someone like you. you were the very thing he swore to destroy. this shouldn't have happened.

gl!geto who avoided kissing you and only saw sex as an act of service and obedience. cl!geto, whose eyes widened in shock when you accidentally leaned in, cradling his face in your hands when you got too overwhelmed with pleasure as he came deep inside.

when you snapped out of it, you were terrified. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Geto-sama, please forgive me-"

as you were about to pull your hands away from his face, he stopped you. you were trembling in his grasp, expecting the worst. but you were surprised by him pressing his lips against yours and holding your hand in place on his cheek. the kiss was hungry, his tongue prying your mouth open and all you could do was moan and just take it.

"You surprised me for sure, pet. But let's continue, I quite liked it.", he mumbled.

as you were making out, you felt him harden inside of you again.

cl!geto, who thought "fuck it", abandoning his principles each time he crashed his lips against yours and made you cream on his cock over and over.

cl!geto, who got tired of hearing you moan "geto-sama" like all of his other followers and made you call him suguru whenever you two were alone.

"AH- Geto-sama"

"Try Suguru."

"Su- what? Geto-sama, I couldn't possibly, that's too-"

"Do it for me. I wish to hear you say it. But only in the bedroom, this is between you and me only.

"I-if you wish so, I will try. S-suguru..sama."

cl!geto, who soon deemed you worthy of carrying his offspring and telling you how big of an honour it was. cl!geto who filled you up over and over. and you taking it so well, always begging for more.

cl!geto who would fuck you in front of the mirror while groaning into your ear.

"Look at you, I can't wait until I can see you plump with my children."

cl!geto who didn't stop fucking you even throughout your pregnancy. cl!geto who got incredibly aroused at the sight of your body and belly plumpening up over time.

cl!geto, who massaged your aching breasts and hips religiously every night. cl!geto who stopped fucking you in front of everyone and stopped showing you off as he wanted to have you all to himself.

cl!geto, who began questioning his whole mission, when you first confessed your love for him. cl!geto, who soon gave in and said that he loved you as well for the first time.

"I'm a man of exceptional greed. If I had it my way, I would have you look and smile at me only."

cl!geto, who got incredibly protective over you. "Don't ever go anywhere without me."

"Where could I possibly want to go without you?", you mumbled, falling asleep in his arms.

cl!geto, who was overjoyed when he saw his child having your eyes and his features. cl!geto, who made his followers worship you just as much as they did him. cl!geto, who threatened and intimidated anyone who refused.

cl!geto, who made you his wife and mother of many more of his children.

cl!geto, who never stopped loving you until his final breath.

------

I'd love to hear your thoughts!!<3

[sunderwight]

With moshang I think I'm equally fond of the possibilities/concepts where either Shang Qinghua is ludicrously attractive to demons in a broad sense (but doesn't realize it), or, where Shang Qinghua is just some weird little gremlin and everyone else cannot wrap their head around why THE Mobei Jun is so smug about seducing this man.

Or a combination, where no demon in their right mind would ordinarily look at Shang Qinghua and perceive a sex icon, but because such a high-ranking demon has clearly done so, they go "well there must be SOMETHING going on there" and then look closer and before they know it they're on the slippery slope to being horny about a guy who could help file their taxes or arrange to have their clan base's faulty plumbing fixed.

Basically it's all good. Demons en mass going "yeah yeah big scary dudes who punch good are a dime a fucking dozen around here, but do you know how hot someone who can skillfully use an abacus is?" vs demons going "the ice king is a respectable ruler but he has garbage taste in men, we all just smile and politely nod while he insists the weird rat guy he fixated on as a teenager is a catch" vs demons going "I really don't see the appeal -- wait he did what? he killed how many guys at once with 1 trick? he betrayed WHOMST? and lived?! and he knows how to get my door to stop making horrible squeaky noises?! okay yeah figures the king would marry him" but every option is a winner.

I'm also a big fan of both Shen Qingqiu and Shang Qinghua being not very attractive to demons in general, but it also being really common for demons to get super weird about first crushes and fixate hard on them, so in that sense they are completely normal choices for a couple of high-level demons to marry. Like the demon populace can appreciate the emperor actually landing his hot teacher and the king successfully marrying his teenage sweetheart. It's an idealized fantasy in terms of the scenarios, even if the actual guys are just weird humans. Nearly every average demon has lifelong daydreams about successfully seducing their first crush, so regardless of who those crushes turned out to be it's still a power move for LBH and MBJ to actually succeed.

Bonus if the fact that both SQQ and SQH are peak lords from the same sect leads to a bunch of demon kids developing crushes on the other remaining, unattached peak lords, and chaos ensuing. Especially for Liu Qingge. I think it would be funny for him to gain a flock of teenage demons with crushes, whom he keeps trying to fight off, only to discover that beating them up does NOT discourage them at all (actually makes the crushes worse). Or Yue Qingyuan getting mobbed like he's a pop star any time he makes a diplomatic visit to the demon realms. Sha Hualing deciding that she's just waiting for Liu Mingyan to become a peak lord before they make things official, since That's Obviously How It's Done, or Qi Qingqi doing a head count one day and realizing she suddenly has a bunch of unfamiliar "guest" disciples who sigh at her a lot and have funny-colored eyes...

[jewishvitya]

I remembered this essay from years ago when I was unlearning what I knew of Israel and zionism and I couldn't find it again, and now I see it in a Shaun video, with the source.

Ze'ev Jabotinsky, "The Iron Wall." I downloaded it from the Jabotinsky Institute.

These are the titles he gave this essay:

I said that Zionist leaders explicitly talked about Zionism as a colonialist movement. This is an example of what I was talking about.

Some quotes:

There can be no voluntary agreement between ourselves and the Palestine Arabs. Not now, nor in the prospective future. I say this with such conviction, not because I want to hurt the moderate Zionists. I do not believe that they will be hurt. Except for those who were born blind, they realised long ago that it is utterly impossible to obtain the voluntary consent of the Palestine Arabs for converting "Palestine" from an Arab country into a country with a Jewish majority.

My readers have a general idea of the history of colonisation in other countries. I suggest that they consider all the precedents with which they are acquainted, and see whether there is one solitary instance of any colonisation being carried on with the consent of the native population. There is no such precedent.

He's saying openly: no land was colonized with the consent of its indigenous population. So we have to do it without that consent.

Every native population in the world resists colonists as long as it has the slightest hope of being able to rid itself of the danger of being colonised.

That is what the Arabs in Palestine are doing, and what they will persist in doing as long as there remains a solitary spark of hope that they will be able to prevent the transformation of "Palestine" into the "Land of Israel."

He said that any zionist who depends on the Arab population accepting a Jewish state on their lands, might as well withdraw from zionism because that's impossible.

Zionist colonisation must either stop, or else proceed regardless of the native population. Which means that it can proceed and develop only under the protection of a power that is independent of the native population – behind an iron wall, which the native population cannot breach.

And then he says that this Iron Wall is the British Mandate and the Balfour Declaration - they're the power that stops Palestinians from resisting us.

He says that despite this, zionism is moral and just, so justice must be done, zionism must move forward. He just wants to be honest about what it takes. He wants to discourage talks of an agreement to avoid signaling to the British that they must try to reach one between us and Palestinians. Just stop them from fighting us, we'll colonize the place.

Zionism was openly colonialist until this language was no longer politically useful.

Editing because I was kinda shocked by the response this got, in several moments. When the slavery of US founders was brought up to dismiss this whole thing. When First Nations reservations were brought up on the same list as the United States as equivalent to Israel, because I said I oppose the existence of a country that prioritizes one ethnic group at the expense of others, and I support democracy that protects everyone equally.

But another thing that's still nagging at me is the idea that this whole essay can be dismissed based on semantic arguments, like sure this uses the word colonialism, but is it actually the colonialism that we talk about and oppose? And what if this word is only used to appeal to the British for support?

This isn't the the first time that prominent zionist thinkers talk about zionism as a colonialist movement. I saw it in old publications, things like magazines, I'd be posting them too if I found them again. I did my own deconstructing years ago, I don't remember where I found all my sources.

I do remember that they talked about the two concepts together - the idea that we're here to colonize, and that we're here to come home. So nowadays there's the arguement that people can't colonize their own homeland, but to them there was no contradiction. I saw it again looking at Herzl's diary last night.

I say I define colonialism through actions and tactics, through the harm that's done to the victims of colonization. Because if we knowingly repeated the actions of colonizers and used the help of an imperial force to conquer a land, having a historic connection to it shouldn't absolve us.

Jabotinsky didn't write to the British in this essay. He wrote to other zionists who wanted to aim for something more collaborative with Palestinian Arabs. And it's true that word choice can mean different things in the context of the time, but there's a reason I chose those quotes. What is he actually saying in this essay?

Consider colonization throughout history - the native population never agreed, so we must do the as colonizers did in the past.

Palestinians will never agree to a Jewish state - so we must do it by force. We should use an imperial force as an "iron wall" to prevent them from resisting. Stop talking about an agreement because then the British will try to reach one instead of holding them back and letting us do our thing.

He's comparing the zionist movement to other efforts of colonization, to talk about emulating them.

This isn't a game of semantics. I'm not just bringing this up just because he used the words.

What he's describing - conquest by force, preventing a Palestinian state, forcibly creating a Jewish majority - is what happened. And it's still what's happening.

This is the branch of zionism that went into practice and founded Israel.

[hedgehog-moss]

The blueberry tart moral quandary has been very fun to ponder! Thank you for sharing it with us. I think the real question, however, is what each of your animals would think about ordering two slices of tart under the circumstances

You're right, that IS the true question here. Let's situate this in a universe where blueberry tart is safe & delicious to eat for all animal species.

CHICKENS. The chickens would definitely want that second helping of tart because chickens live in a solipsistic moral universe and would hesitate to share tart even if it was their dying sister's last wish. However if you place two slices of tart on the ground for 2 chickens, they will immediately and violently start fighting each other over the same slice, thus giving you the opportunity to discreetly retrieve the first slice for yourself. Moreover, if a chicken manages to break off half of the slice and starts running like hell to go eat it elsewhere in peace, the other chicken will take off after her instead of eating the other half happily by herself. If they then break this half in two while fighting over it, they will resume fighting over that half of the half, allowing you to retrieve 3/4 of the second slice. And so on. This is Zeno's paradox applied to chickens and tart: the hens will spend the rest of eternity fighting over diminishing crumbs while you get almost all of the second slice back (albeit broken in increasingly minuscule halves.)

CATS. Not only would the cats want that second slice regardless of who else wants it, they would also sit & start grooming themselves on the rest of the pie with great serenity, rendering it inedible for anyone else. However, my original post established that the pies were under large bell jars. Two of my three cats are (to their everlasting torment) stymied by this sadistic human invention. If the bell jar is heavy enough that you can't push it off the table (a popular strategy), then Mascarille and Merricat will just circle it a few times, ram their faces into the glass, do a full body swipe against it in case this might open a secret door, and then walk away in frustration. Morille on the other hand is a cat possessed of extreme patience, diabolical intelligence and acute interest in forbidden food. She will get the tart no matter how long she has to lie in wait.

DOG. Pandolf would not want a second slice or even a first one, if he is made to understand that this might make other people sad. The thing with Pandolf is, he can smell disappointment. His great big nose picks up on every particle of human disappointment in the air and they go straight to his heart. He is also too polite to even defend his bone from thieving chickens. There's no way he would claim any tart at all unless someone gave it to him and made it clear they would be happy for him to eat it. However Pandolf is very cute when he sits there with a lolling tongue, happy for others to have a good time, and there is also no way one or several persons wouldn't give him their slice of tart. He would definitely end up with tart.

LLAMAS. Pampelune is the matriarch and since her duties involve dying to protect her herd in case of predator attacks, she considers it her prerogative to eat first and as much as she damn pleases in compensation. She would get two slices. I believe Poldine would choose to have only one slice and kiss everyone in the restaurant on the cheek for good measure, and I also believe she would actually get zero tart. As shown in the salt video, Poldine understands her place in the pasture hierarchy (the one who eats last) and has to resort to subterfuge to get even 1 lick of salt while others are gorging themselves. She will be very dependent on other people's temperance and decency to get any tart (so, Pandolf is her best bet.) Meanwhile Pampérigouste is trying to figure out how to escape the restaurant undetected to go on an adventure while the sheeple are talking about tart. She will get one or two or three slices but only if they can facilitate her various stratagems (for example, to bribe a guard at the door.)

The FISH—do not have the cognitive abilities to worry about morals but more importantly, do not experience soul-deep desires in the way the birds and mammals in this list do. My fish live in a smooth and quiet world where the gods make food rain from the sky every day. In this luminescent existence of untroubled abundance their capacity for longing has atrophied. They do not understand what wanting tart means, let alone the complex philosophical agonies humans can put themselves through when faced with culinary conundrums.

DONKEY. Pirlouit's first instinct would be to claim all the tart he can eat and then some. However donkeys and fish sit at opposite ends of the philosophical spectrum; Pirlouit strikes me as an animal who would be interested in exploring the ethical ramifications of the issue, as an intellectual exercise. 70% of his life consists in quiet deep ponderings. I think Pirlouit could get distracted ruminating the blueberry tart quandary in light of the rich philosophical heritage of donkey civilisation, and arrive too late to get any tart by the time he determined whether one or two slices is the right answer. Kind of like that time he got distracted by his need for revenge and was late for breakfast and the llamas had already claimed the hay.

IN CONCLUSION.

[simmerandwrite]

electric touch (part 1)

Pairing: Bucky x medical team! reader

Summary: Getting a spot on the field medical team was your dream. And your closest work friend Bucky Barnes finally asking you out? That was the cherry on top of your good news. Now all you had to do was pass your training week. Seems easy enough until you’re faced with someone who doesn’t want to see you win.

Warnings: abuse of power, verbal abuse, physical assault, some PTSD (but none of these are because of Bucky!!!!)

Wordcount: 7k

Part 2

Notes: hello! Are you hungry for a lil slice of ‘who did this to you’ pie with a big dollop of protective Bucky Barnes on top? Dig in!! I aim to be as nondescript as possible for the reader but I will note reader is shorter than Bucky and wears glasses. Thank you for reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts! please consider reblogging, it helps my work reach more lovely people here on Tumblr. <3 merci!

---

Your regular lunch dates with Bucky started unintentionally. In fact, your friendship with Bucky had started that way – very unintentionally.

In retrospect, you couldn’t believe you had been late on your first day. You had intentionally set extra alarms to make sure you got to Stark Industries early.But you couldn’t control the inconsistencies of the New York subway system. When you skirted into the training room, only one seat was left – beside Bucky Barnes himself.

It was funny to think that the mandatory onboarding applied to new Avengers, too.

Of course, you knew who he was – the former Winter Soldier – but you didn’t realize he had to sit through the boring health and safety discussions and HR seminars like everyone else. When the first lunch break arrived, you turned to him and asked if he wanted to join you for lunch at the burger place down the street.

Initially, it looked like he was fighting off the urge to decline, but then he said: “Sure.”

Your conversations were very stilted in the beginning, which you didn’t mind. But as the week carried on, you felt the foundations of a friendship.

(He told you, later, that he appreciated your kindness that first day. That he had been really fucking scared to sit in that room with strangers judging him. He liked that you treated him like a normal person.)

It had grown organically since then – but you were simply just work friends. Your roles at Stark Industries slash The Avengers Initiative didn’t always overlap, but you did occasionally see him in the halls or if he happened to be by medical when you were working. Then, one day, you saw him eating alone in the cafeteria and you dropped down across from him to catch up.

Then lunch turned into a routine for you both. Typically on Wednesdays you’d sit together, if Bucky wasn’t on a mission or you weren’t on the night rotation. Sometimes Sam or Steve or some of the other nurses joined you, but secretly, you liked when it was just you and Bucky. Sometimes it felt like he preferred it that way too.

“So, guess what?” You sat down on the chair across from him, your tray knocking against his. He slowly moved his eyes from the pages of his book – he almost always had his nose in a book at lunch, regardless of the company – and matched your smile.

“I take it you got good news?”

You searched his face then frowned. “Wait, do you already know? That’s not fair.”

“Sam showed me the roster.”

A groan rumbled from your chest. “Boo.” You tipped your head to look at him as you paused. “Can you just pretend you’re about to hear this for the first time?”

Bucky smirked, putting down his book and politely stacking his hands to give you his full attention. “Sure. Start again?”

“Guess what?” You repeated, rolling your eyes.

“I’ve got no clue, doll. What?”

“You are looking at the newest member of the field medical team!” The chair legs squeaked as you danced in celebration.

“Congratulations,” Bucky replied, a wide smile crossing his face. He reached out and offered his fist, which you met with your own. You knocked your knuckles into his twice then wiggled your fingers at one another - a silly secret handshake you had invented together over a Taco Tuesday lunch one day, mostly out of annoyance to Sam.

You deflated afterwards, though, as reality set in. “Hopefully I can make it through training next week. It’s going to be hard but.. I can do hard things.”

Bucky reached over and grabbed your hand, holding it for a moment though he quickly pulled back. “You’re going to do great. You wouldn’t have been picked if you weren’t capable. You’re more than ready and, well, uh, I’m proud of you.”

You smiled, glancing down to where his hand had briefly made contact with yours. It felt.. hot, for some reason. You resisted touching the skin there. This had been happening more than you wanted to admit recently – a new spark when you saw him, when you touched. You thought you had easily avoided the possibilities of a developing crush on Bucky but.. something had been brewing for you. And maybe the same was happening with him, too - when you thought about how he looked at you, how considerate he was…

You wouldn’t know with any certainty unless you asked and you were way, way too scared to ask. Ruining your friendship may not be worth it. Especially if you were joining the medical team that would accompany the Avengers on some of their missions. What if you made it weird? What if you went on one date and it was terrible and your friendship never recovered? What if you asked Bucky out and then he laughed in your face and –

“We should go out and celebrate,” he cut you off. 

Wait. Was his voice shaking?

You met his eyes. Was he nervous? “I still.. I have to pass the training.”

“I know,” he nodded. “And tomorrow I leave for.. an undisclosed location for the week. So. When I get back and you’ve crushed the training and have the new job title, let’s go out.”

“Just you and me?” You asked, swallowing hard.

Bucky took a deep breath. “Yeah. If you..”

“Like a date?”

He closed his eyes, face scrunched up. It was cute. “Yeah, like a date, sweetheart. Just you and me.”

Okay, well, okay. Yes. Okay, that answered your question. You supposed the risk was being taken either way. There. He did the thing before you could even talk yourself out of it.

You smiled, nervously adjusting your glasses. Oh my god. You hadn’t even answered. With eyes wide, you reached for him. “Yes, that sounds.. that sounds wonderful. I’d love that.”

He grinned, squeezing your hand. “For a second there, I really thought I screwed all this up.”

---

Bucky couldn’t believe it had taken him this long to finally just do it. Asking you out had been at the top of his list for a long time and although it scared the shit out of him, this follow-up feeling of anticipation had been totally worth it. Now he just needed to get through a grueling mission with a sweet reward at the end – a date with you.

You- the first stranger who treated him like a regular person. You - who cared so deeply about your job. You - who seemed to always hear his snarky comments and always laughed, giggled, snorted, at them. With a smile that could make his entire body warm up. 

You. He couldn’t wait for that damn date. 

A date was the scary next step. But he was tired of waiting and tired of denying his feelings. And thank god you had reacted just as positively. The foundation of your friendship was so important to him but he had a feeling things could be even better. He prayed he wouldn’t fuck it all up.

When he showed up at the compound early in the morning to get on the jet, Bucky was surprised to see Sam prepping in the pilot’s seat.

Sam jumped in with an answer before the question even left Bucky’s lips. “Natasha had to join Clint on the Belize mission, last minute. So it’s you and me, pal.”

Bucky rolled his eyes. Though he wasn’t mentally prepared for a week with Sam, he could handle it. Bucky was certain he could handle anything that he faced this week, knowing it was your face on his mind keeping him going.

As you crossed his mind again, another thought surfaced.

“If you’re here, who’s taking over the training for the med field team?” Bucky reached for his phone then cursed. They were going dark for this mission so he’d left his phone in his locker. Although he had sent you a message after he got up that morning, he wanted to reach out one last time and send some extra reassurance your way. 

“Don’t worry,” Sam knocked his shoulder, standing up to do a final check of the gear. “Your girl is in good hands.” Sam added in a wiggle of his fingers in Bucky's direction.

You weren’t Bucky’s girl.. yet. He didn’t feel bothered by the term. In fact, he loved it and so badly wanted you to be okay with him saying it some day too. Though it was still worth correcting Sam. It didn’t seem fair to put a label on something without consulting you first. Not to mention Sam’s teasing about you and Bucky had been going on for months and Bucky did not want to indulge him.

“She’s not mine,” Bucky replied, scrubbing a hand down his jaw.

Sam carried on. “Boone is doing the training protocol instead, but I’ll manage the final evaluations next week.” 

A quiet groan escaped Bucky’s lips. “Boone is a jackass.”

“I don’t disagree that he can be a bit too self assured - but he has proved himself in the field and will be a great mentor to this cohort.”

“Wasn’t he one of the agents Steve benched a few months ago - after his annual physical? What’s the term they used - he was doping?”

Sam sighed. “He was clean but a couple of his buddies were thrown out. But Boone is good, Buck. She’s gonna be fine.” With a final glance at the screen between them, Sam clapped his hands. “Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

---

When you applied for the job at Stark Industries for their medical team, you weren’t entirely sure what the role was going to entail. Your years of working as a nurse at the busiest emergency room in Chicago had given you plenty of experience with, well, everything and anything imaginable. You were always prepared for the unexpected.

What you hadn’t expected though was the pace - it was significantly slower than you imagined. Most of your days revolved around small visits from agents for anything from minor injuries and lacerations to annual physicals. On occasion you’d support when the Avengers came in, but usually they worked directly with Dr. Cho or the other on site doctors.

You figured the cure for your unrelenting desire for more was to get on the field medical team - a group of agents and trained nurses who accompanied the Avengers or other strike teams on missions, acting as a resource for any injuries to civilians and team members alike. Not every mission needed a team and sometimes it would involve last minute travel, but you didn’t mind.

When your application for transfer was finally accepted, you couldn’t get over how excited you were. You had been working hard for months getting into better shape, especially your stamina. Sure, maybe you could do a bit more when it came to targeted strength training but you had qualified on the initial testing to even get into the training level, so you’d be fine.

You could do this.

Truthfully, you were really excited about it. And Bucky had sent you the most encouraging message before he left that morning and you just.. You knew you could do this.

Bucky's words echoed: “...you wouldn’t have been picked if you weren’t capable. You’re more than ready and, well, uh, I’m proud of you.”

You were going to do this well and you were going to make yourself proud, too.

Most of your excitement depleted when you walked into the gym though. You joined the rest of the agents in the training group and braced yourself when you saw Agent Nathan Boone standing with his tablet, calling out names for attendance. 

“Wilson had to suit up as Falcon and jump on a critical mission this morning so I’ll be running the training program this week,” he explained as he sized up his group, which included you plus another half a dozen training agents. 

Without a doubt, Boone was the worst replacement for Sam you could think of. Boone exuded a confidence you couldn’t quite wrap your mind around, given his frat guy personality. Hiding behind his smarmy grin, linebacker build and perfectly coiffed hair - he was a real jackass. 

You tried not to let your mind race as Boone walked you all through the upcoming week of training. You’d be going over everything from basic self defense skills to hand to hand combat strategies to overall endurance drills. Then he explained that next week it was Sam Wilson who’d be doing the final evaluations.

“So let’s prove to him you’re all a good batch, okay?” Boone’s demeanor shifted as he got into his coaching mode. “Let’s start with a warm up run. Onto the treadmills.”

This wasn’t your first interaction with Boone, though you weren’t sure he would remember you. 

During your first few weeks you’d been responsible for doing the annual physicals for most of the agents. It had been a very repetitive (and boring) assignment, until some anomalies came up in the test results. A few agents, including Boone, had weird things flagged on their blood and urine tests - mostly markers that indicated steroid use. Which was completely against standards for agents and employees at Stark Industries. 

One of them, some bulky aggressive asshole, tried to convince you to look the other way but you had ultimately reported it. The fallout caused a huge uproar between the medical team and the agents, with the consequence coming down on a handful of agents who were fired due to drug use. Boone had escaped that fate somehow, passing his re-test with perfect results. And even though HR promised you it was a sealed case, you were always worried it had left a bit of a target on your back.

Nothing had come from it. The next round of physicals you assisted with didn’t involve any of those field agents and no other concerns had been flagged. Everything seemed back to normal.

In fact, you had seen Boone once since that whole controversy. A few months ago you passed him flirting with one of the admins in your department but you kept your head down and ignored him. That was it.

Hopefully the week of training wouldn’t be soured by your history with him but you figured it was safest to go in with an open mind. 

Thankfully, by the end of your run, as you were moving onto some basic tactical drills, he continued treating you just like everyone else. Generally firm and distant overall, but nothing strangely out of the ordinary. His barked orders were delivered to everyone evenly. If he had any recollection of your connected history, he didn’t bring it up.

The first day of training had been tough, especially since you still had a few extra hours of work to log afterwards. When you returned to your reporting station in the medical wing, you had to really settle your mind down and talk your way through the unkind thoughts racing around your brain.

You could do this. 

The second day focused exclusively on muscular endurance, which wasn’t really your strong suit but you managed to keep up with the group all the same.

Boone had the entire cohort going hard - with a lot of tough but constructive encouragement coming from him along the way. When one of the other trainees dropped their barbells, it seemed to irritate Boone immensely too. He let out a few curses as he helped them pick the weights back up then apologized for his reaction but the flare of anger was evident. 

When you were all heading back to the locker rooms, it was one of the other agents muttering about ‘roid rage’ that raised a red flag for you. 

It was during the third day of training that you felt the first tug of resistance with Boone. It was small things that you couldn’t help but file away. The way he delivered supportive commentary to everyone else in the group but only gave you critical feedback. During one of the practical scenarios, he undermined all your answers.

“I see why you’d think that way if you’ve never done this before but I can tell you by experience, it wouldn’t work. Bit of an amateur way of looking at things, actually. You need to do better if you’re going to be in the field with experts. Are you sure you passed the interview for this role?”

He said things in a way that didn’t always seem personal to you, but he certainly delivered them in a condescending tone. 

But, maybe, well, maybe you were just reading into things. You were feeling tired already and not really sleeping, so your focus was a bit off. 

Yeah, you could do better, strategize better, think things through in a better way.

On the fourth day, after a morning of weapons training and spending time at the range, the session moved onto sparring drills. It was quite basic - Boone walked the group through easy to follow hand to hand techniques, spending time here and there with each person to adjust their form. 

Everyone who qualified for the med team had to pass certain physical testing standards already. You had been working hard in the gym for months to get your mind ready, though you knew you weren’t very experienced in anything related to defensive techniques.

When he got to you following one of the scenarios, there was a firm frown on his face. “You need to be less in your head.”

You nodded, flexing and stretching your hands out. “Okay. Uhm okay, well, do you have any tips on how to–”

He was quick to cut you off. “Figure it out. I don’t have time to teach you critical thinking skills.” Following a sharp finger snap, he pointed directly at you. “And what’s with the glasses?”

“Ran out of contacts this morning, but I can do without them if I need to. Its–”

“They’re a safety risk.”

He didn’t care for your explanation or offer you any other advice, instead just muttering something as he moved on and tapping something into the tablet. None of his feedback had been helpful. Christ, you figured maybe it was worth starting a list to consult with Sam about following your evaluation instead. 

You just had to get through one more day with Boone. You were tired - down to your bones, from the physical and mental work during this week.

But it was nearly the weekend and that meant next week was approaching. Most importantly, the training would be done and you would have a real date with Bucky on the books, too. You couldn’t wait.

---

The last training day was mostly a culmination of everything you had gone over from the week. There was more endurance testing, some strength and performance work and the day ended with more sparring and situationals. 

You knew this was the light at the end of the tunnel. And when everything was wrapping up, you were relieved to finally be done with taking instructions from Boone, too.

Until his final speech. “You’ve been a great group and I would say most of you are ready for next week. Wilson will be impressed.” After a few more notes and instructions for the following week, he dismissed everyone. As you headed back towards the locker room, he called your name.

That made your stomach drop. He waved you back over towards the mats.

“I just wanted to give you a heads up,” Boone started slowly, eyes glancing around the empty room before he looked down at his tablet screen. “Here is the report on your training this week.” He turned the device so you could read over it.

After the first line, you took it from his hands. “Wait - what?”

“I just don’t think you’re ready.” Boone crossed his arms. “You’ve got the medical knowledge, sure. But the rest of it, even if you had another two months to train, I’m doubtful.” He took the tablet back and continued scrolling, as if he hadn’t just delivered such a disappointing blow to you. “It’s up to you whether you still want to do your test with Sam next week, but if I was in your shoes, I’d tap out.”

You swallowed hard, head tipped slightly to the side as you took in what he was saying. “That doesn’t make any sense. I kept up with everyone here this week.”

“This is a controlled environment; I don’t think you can hack it in the field.” Boone shrugged. “Like I said, you’re more than welcome to do your evaluation but I don’t think this will impress The Falcon enough to solidify your spot on the field team.”

“Good thing you’re not in charge of this decision then,” you bit in return, taking a step back. It felt like he was egging you on and you didn’t like it. Even worse that you were alone with him in the gym. “I don’t have to prove shit to you.”

“You don’t have to, or you simply can’t?” He countered, tossing the tablet to the side as he crossed his arms. He sized you up, eyes drawing up the shape of your body. “Let’s try something.” He motioned to the mats. “I’ll give you another chance to change my mind about that report. Maybe I misread your abilities and intentions.”

You knew the right thing to do would be to walk away and ignore how he was antagonizing you. But a tiny voice in the back of your head kept reminding you that you were good, that you had earned your place here. That you needed to show him that. 

No, you didn’t.

Yes, you did.

You took a deep breath and stepped forward, placing yourself in the middle of the mat. “Fine. Let’s do it.”

Boone laughed, standing in front of you. He scanned you over again. “Scenario. You’re in the field, there’s a civilian who needs medical attention. You’re alone with them as everyone else explores the area for threats. But, it's night time, it was a busy bit of action and –” Boone reached over and pulled your glasses off. “And you lost your glasses in the chaos.”

Before you could protest about the logistics of this stupid scenario, he threw them to the side.

You shook your head and immediately stepped back. “What the fuck?”

“Maybe you should have worn your contacts today.” He replied and this time, there was something more at the edge of his words. Something unsettling.

This was a bad idea. But he was waiting for you to reply, to call his bluff and tap out. You growled to yourself and stayed.

“The civilian has a broken limb so you’re on the ground beside them.” Without even hesitating he placed both his hands on your shoulders and shoved you down to your knees.

None of this made any lick of sense. This wasn’t a scenario you’d end up in. You wouldn’t be alone or you’d call for backup.

He continued without a second thought, moving to stand behind you, placing his hand on the crown of your head. “And someone comes at you from behind – now you’re compromised and so is your civilian.”

You sat there on your knees, chock still. A red flashing light was going off in your mind but for some reason, you stayed.

A low, grumbly laugh escaped him. “See? Not only are you a terrible nurse but you have no fucking instinct—”

You immediately swung your leg up to hook behind him, not sending him down to the ground but gaining enough of your own momentum to plot out your next move. Planting a foot, you lunged forward and grabbed his waist, pulling him towards the mat.

That really set off whatever anger had been simmering in him. The next thing you saw was the training mat as your face and torso were being shoved against it. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Your shouting felt useless as your body writhed under his weight. Your cheek dragged across the plastic mat as you moved, burning against your skin. “Get off of me, you—”

“Defend. Yourself.” Boone barked back, adjusting to grab your arm. He gripped your elbow, then twisted your wrist behind your back. A jolt of pain rushed down your shoulder. “Took me a few days but then I remembered your face.”

You cried out, squeezing your eyes shut. “Please just stop. What is—why are you—”

“Three of my friends, my brothers – you ruined their lives, you know that? They lost all their job prospects, they have fuck all left because of what you did. You know, we need that stuff - to keep up with supersoldiers. There is nothing fucking wrong with some pharmaceutical help. If I’m backing up Captain America, I deserve the boost.” With his knee pressing against your back, he leveraged himself to sit up a bit straighter. But his grip on your wrist remained, growing tighter and tighter. “If you had just turned the other way and ignored those tests—”

“I was doing my job,” you mumbled back at him. “They were the ones who broke the rules and—”

His voice hadn’t quite grown to shouting but the intensity grew. “And you are the one who suffers now, alright? And you sure as hell aren’t joining the field team. I’m going to make sure of it.”

---

All Bucky wanted to do when they got back to the compound was text you. It was late Sunday night but he didn’t care.

After the grueling week he and Sam had, Bucky took comfort in knowing soon enough he’d get to see you. He wanted to know about everything from last week - from training to everyday life, he just wanted to talk to you. Crossing the threshold from friends to something more was scary but during his long, sleepless nights, you provided a strange sense of comfort to him.

Without doing a dang thing. Just knowing you made him better, inspired him to be better and to be present. 

“Hey,” Sam tugged on Bucky’s arm before he headed to the locker room. “Medical check first. Then you’re free to send your little smiley face emojis to her.”

Bucky grumbled but didn’t have the energy to argue with Sam. The mission had gone well but hadn’t been the smoothest for either of them. While they both returned unharmed, Bucky knew coming down from these sorts of weeks properly was important.

Finally, after a clearance from the nurse and a quick shower - Bucky was turning his phone back on.

He dismissed all the messages from Steve and an Avengers group chat he liked to ignore then finally found his way to his conversation with you. Seeing a slew of your thoughts over the course of the week made him smile.

You: good luck this week - come back in one piece, please <3 

You: made it through day one and two, turns out my five-story walkup apartment is good for my cardio skills after all lol You: remind me of that next time I complain about the stairs

You: day three has proved that I do need to work on my upper body strength You: wanna be my personal trainer? ;)

You: miss you, hope everything is going safely You: this week has really kicked my ass

Your messages did peter off by Friday and although Bucky longed for more, he assumed you were probably just tired after the long week. Plus, the training wasn’t for the light of heart. Sam had shown him the schedule and although it was standard, its intensity was intentional. Not that Bucky doubted you - he knew you’d been preparing as best as you could since you had shown an interest in joining the field team months ago. But that could really exhaust someone by the end of it.

And tomorrow you had to power through a final evaluation with Sam too, so Bucky hoped you got to spend the rest of the weekend resting.

He dropped down onto one of the benches and planned his response.

Bucky: hey doll, made it back safe and sound Bucky: in one piece, I promise :) Bucky: can’t wait to hear about last week, I’m sure you did great Bucky: good luck tomorrow, I’ll come find you after the eval Bucky: sweet dreams 

---

Bucky felt a little bit silly, lingering outside the training gym. At least he wasn’t pacing, that would have been an even worse look. He leaned against the opposite wall to the doors, arms crossed.

Something just felt a bit off for him and, well, finally seeing you would help ease his mind. It was just strange – the lack of communication. Sure, he had sent his message quite late the night before but he assumed he might hear something back from you during the day.

But no, it had been radio silence. He could attribute it to your needing to prepare for your evaluation but that didn’t seem like enough of a justification. In all the times you and he had been friends, you always managed to send a reply.

He would just have to settle for an in person update, following your testing with Sam. Five other agents exited the gym by mid afternoon, but you never showed up at the door. 

Sam did eventually emerge, tapping quickly against his tablet. He came to a halt when he spotted Bucky waiting, arms now tightly locked behind his back.

Bucky looked over Sam’s shoulder, trying to glimpse into the gym before he met his eyes. “How’d she do?”

Sam let out an awkward laugh. “Well, she didn’t show. She sent me an email earlier saying that she was sick.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed slightly. “Oh.” 

“I know, weird. What’s even more weird though is that when I said we could reschedule her for another date, she tapped out.” Sam raised his shoulder to shrug then showed Bucky the screen.

Bucky scanned over the message and frowned. It was true. Your reply to Sam was short, explaining you didn’t want to reschedule and declined any further interest in the field team. That was it. You were out.

“Given how she sent me a five-paragraph essay explaining how excited she was to join the team, this seems out of character.” Sam tucked the screen under his arm and patted Bucky on the shoulder. “Give me an update after you talk to her.”

“What makes you think—”

“Oh, I already see your wheels turning. You’re doing the math on how quickly you can get to her place.” Sam called after him as Bucky turned to leave. “Let her know I can reschedule her anytime!”

---

You knew you couldn’t ignore Bucky forever. It was just.. it felt like too much, thinking of a way to reply. After what happened with Boone on Friday, every single thing in your life felt like climbing the steepest mountain.

It was absurd how quickly things had escalated. You should have just walked away the instant Boone brought up your evaluation. Getting on that mat with him was really fucking stupid and.. here you were.

You could barely remember how you got home Friday – dazed and confused and numb. After Boone finished screaming and you had stopped trying to fight back, you curled up on yourself. You fought back tears over the humiliation and pain, hands shaking as you grabbed your things from the locker room. One ridiculously overpriced cab ride later and you made it home to your studio in Astoria.

Then you cried in the shower and all the way to your bed - where you stayed as long as you possibly could on Saturday, dousing yourself in painkillers just to try and stay asleep.

You knew you needed to go to urgent care, or even just an emergency room - somewhere you could afford the x-ray. You had never broken a bone before but you had seen plenty of hand fractures during your time working in triage. You couldn’t make a fist, your hand was bruising up towards your wrist and the pain was excruciating. The image of Boone stomping on your hand and wrist as you tried to crawl away was imprinted in your mind…

You were stuck on the climb though. The mental battle of trying to figure out the best lie to tell the admitting nurses anywhere was daunting. Christ, how would you explain this?

You had to - you had to tell someone. The way Boone had flown off the handle, how he attacked you verbally and physically, he couldn’t get away with it. You knew the right thing to do but… fuck if you weren’t scared. He had made it pretty clear he’d be keeping an eye on you. And there was no way you’d be able to do your test with Sam now.

If you reported him, you’d probably have to get HR and the police involved and what if he denied everything and—

You ended up in a helpless loop every single time.

Saturday came and went. You only left your apartment to visit the nearest drugstore for a new compression bandage and more pain medication. Sunday passed by just the same. You skipped your normal spin class and barely spent time outside of your bed. 

The pain in your hand was growing worse and worse. You had to use your left hand to send Sam and your manager messages - because even just moving your right hand made your stomach swirl. And the guilt about not responding to Bucky was growing bigger and bigger too. 

How could you explain it? Boone had pressed your buttons and you pushed back and look what happened. How could Bucky be proud of you now?

Your phone had buzzed mid afternoon, just after you were supposed to be doing your session with Sam.

It was Bucky - worried and asking if you needed anything for whatever illness was plaguing you. 

You ignored it.

When he called, you ignored that too.

You were balled up on the end of your couch, eyes glazed over as another episode of your favourite show loaded up on Netflix. You knew you needed to eat something, that the pain medication on an empty stomach was a recipe for disaster. But… you couldn’t get up. Laying perfectly still with a bag of frozen vegetables on your hand was the closest thing to relief you had.

Then, someone was knocking at your door. The noise made you gasp, though you couldn’t move. You could ignore the noise along with everything else. It was probably just your downstairs neighbour back to complain about your TV again and –

Whoever was at the door knocked again, this time calling out your name. 

You recognized the voice.

Bucky.

He called your name out again. “Listen, I don’t care if you’re sick. I just want to make sure you’re alright. I grabbed some soup from that place I was telling you about.”

You sucked in a deep breath and pulled yourself up off the couch. You really, really wanted to see him - just the idea of his smile made everything feel a bit better. But then you couldn’t hide anymore and… hiding felt safe.

“I’m okay,” you finally replied as you got approached. “Feeling better but I might be contagious, Buck.”

You sensed some relief from him as his feet shuffled on the other side of the door. “Sweetheart, I.. I can’t even get sick, okay? I just need to see you.”

“My apartment is a mess.”

“I don’t care.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Bucky, I’m.. I’m not at my best right now.”

“I don’t care.” He said your name once more. “Please.”

You pulled up the hood of your sweatshirt then reluctantly reached for the door knob.

---

When you finally opened the door, Bucky was relieved. But when you immediately turned away to return to your couch without a word, his relief felt misplaced. Something was wrong. Your sudden weekend illness and dropping out of the new job training weren’t adding up to anything that felt good.

He was worried.

Bucky had never been inside your apartment before. There were a handful of occasions after work or some happy hour thing when he dropped you off but this was new. He liked the idea of seeing your home but he wished it had been different circumstances. 

Home was a little studio, with a compact kitchen ahead of him across from the door. Beside it was a cozy living room area separated from the bed and windows, divided by a short bookcase. It was so very you and Bucky wanted nothing more than to just be there with you, scan over the books you like and curl up together on the couch.

But it wasn’t the time to daydream. Instead, he stepped into the kitchen to deposit the takeout bag, retrieving the soup before moving to where you were curling back up in your blankets. 

“How are you feeling?” He took another step closer but stopped when you leaned away from his approach. He took a seat opposite you and extended the container in your direction. 

“Yeah, I’m.. okay,” you replied with a shrug. “Thanks for the soup.” You took it from him, reaching across yourself awkwardly with a shaking hand, and rested it on your lap. 

He took the moment of silence to get a better look at you. Behind your glasses, your eyes were swollen, as if you had been crying. Bucky watched you carefully maneuver the spoon and it wasn’t lost on him you were favouring your left hand. In fact, your right arm was barely moving. 

“Do you need anything else? I could run to the pharmacy..” He trailed off as his eyes shifted to your coffee table, which was littered with an array of pill bottles. Mostly painkillers and what looked like a melting bag of frozen peas. And tucked under the table was… a half empty bottle of wine. Not exactly the type of self medication for a stomach bug or the common cold.

You closed your eyes, taking another taste of the soup before gently moving it to the table. “I think the worst of it has passed. Just.. tired now, I guess. I’ll be back at work tomorrow.” You smiled, just barely, then it disappeared as your eyes shut.

Bucky considered that the perfect opportunity to change the subject. Your name left his lips. It was quiet. You peaked one eye open to look at him.

“What happened last week?” he asked.

You laughed, though it came out quite empty. “Just five very intense, rigorous training days. I wasn’t great but.. I managed, I guess.” 

Bucky cut to the chase, though he couldn’t predict your reaction. “So how come you’re not doing the final evaluation?” 

A long sigh escaped you, rolling your eyes before leaning back again. You stared at the ceiling. “Should I just start adding you to all my correspondence with Sam?”

“Don’t be mad at Sam,” Bucky replied. “I asked him and he only told me because he was worried.”

You laughed again, with more of your body. The same emptiness remained and this time it seemed to cause you pain. You winced, swallowing an uncomfortable look on your face as you turned to peer at him. “I’m not mad at Sam. I’m mad at..” You shook your head. “At myself, I guess.”

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter, alright? It’s over and I missed today and–”

“Sam offered to resch–”

“Bucky, it doesn’t matter!” You snapped this time, cutting him off. 

Bucky shook his head. Something else was going on. He had never seen you like this before - despondent and… broken. Sure, your friendship had rarely escaped the walls of work but the foundation between you both was solid. He had seen your ups and downs, and you had seen his too - recalling bad dates and ranting about missions and laughing over lunch and all of it. 

He knew you. The person sitting across from him, it wasn’t you. 

“Sweetheart, please tell me what’s going on.” 

Your eyes were closed again, head shaking. “Nothing is..” Your lip trembled. “Maybe you should just go..”

Bucky stood from the couch, but he didn’t move to the door. Instead, he crouched right in front of you. “If that’s what you really want, I’ll go, okay? I’d never stay if you didn’t want me here. But you opened that door for me. You could have already sent me away, soup in hand. I’m here right now because I care about you.” He said your name again, like a plea for you to look at him. “I can help, okay? Whatever is going on, I can help. Let me help, please.”

Your breath picked up, intertwined with winces of pain as you adjusted on the couch. You crossed your legs then moved your arms carefully, using your left hand to tear away your sweatshirt. Finally, you opened your eyes and extended your right arm to Bucky.

Despite being wrapped in a compression bandage, the swelling was evident on your fingers. Bruises littered your hand too and continued upwards to your t-shirt line. 

Bucky dropped to his knees, looking from your face down towards your arm. He whispered out your name, desperately trying not to fill in the blanks without getting more information from you. “What happened?”

You simply shook your head, swallowing whatever response was trying to escape. 

“Can I–” He motioned to your hand, cautiously reaching for it. You didn’t move, allowing him to unwrap the bandaging. You winced at the touch and change in pressure, eyes clamping shut again as you breathed deeply. 

Bucky skated his fingers along the side of your forearm, down towards your wrist and hand. Light shades of purple and blue decorated your skin but the swelling was what concerned Bucky the most. 

“I’m worried something is broken.” You finally said quietly, letting out another groan of pain as Bucky flipped your hand over to assess the underside. 

He wanted to reply with ‘yeah, no shit’ but figured that wouldn’t be helpful. If you hadn’t sought out medical attention by now, there was probably a good reason. You were smart, a nurse who could easily figure out her own symptoms. But something was stopping you. Embarrassment, guilt.. Maybe fear? 

Bucky was gentle as he held your hand. Christ, his mind was racing. “What happened? Did you fall? Did something go wrong last week?”

You shook your head.

Although there was one giant fucking obvious glaring answer to his next question, Bucky wanted to hear your response. Maybe you had fallen or dropped something on it this weekend. Maybe you had crushed it between a door or something, anything else than someone hurting you. Because the thought of anyone doing that, inflicting any intentional harm –

Bucky sucked in a breath and looked back at you. Your lower lip was already trembling again. He had to ask. He didn’t want to, but he fucking had to.

“Sweetheart, who did this to you?”

“I should have walked away, Bucky. I..” You immediately trailed off, head shaking again as you tried to collect yourself. 

With you, Bucky would be patient. He would always be patient. A few moments ticked by as he waited, still holding your injured hand in his. 

“It was supposed to just be a routine scenario, a test sort of thing I guess. But he was… he was volcanic. The anger erupted and he - he.. Bucky, I was just doing my job, it’s not my fault his friends lost theirs an-and he got so mad. I tried to get away but he just kept going.”

He said your name quietly. “Take a deep breath for me, okay?” You did, breathing in tandem with him a few times as you steadied yourself. “You’ve gotta tell me a name, please.”

After another deep breath, you nodded. “It was Boone.” You closed your eyes. “I think he’s taking drugs, steroids–again and he just.. I shouldn’t have engaged him at all. And I tried to get away once I realized he was freaking out..”

Bucky stilled, lips pulled into a straight line. “Hey, look at me.” He waited for you to meet his gaze. “This isn’t your fault.” God, he wanted to say so much more but the simmering anger below the surface was bubbling up. And that wasn’t important. You needed an x-ray and real medical attention. Then, maybe he could face the rage coursing through his bones. “Sweetheart, we’ve gotta get this looked at, okay?”

Reluctantly, your head shook. “I know. I just.. I don’t want to have to go to urgent care and explain what happened. I should have already gone and I feel so stupid about the whole thing and-and–”

He placed his free hand on your knee to stop you. “Okay. It's okay. I think I know where we can go. Let me make a few phone calls.”

---

PART 2

[spaceclefairy]

Keep that Coffee Hot

You, a bounty agent. The Ghoul, a bounty hunter. The Ghoul needs to cash in on his most recent job and ends up with more than the contract promised.

Act II | Act III | Act IV | Act V | Ao3 Compilation

When the Ghoul walks through the front door of your office, you know he's here for one of two things: a contract or a cashout. This no-name wasteland town is little more than a hub for the bounty agencies, so you get rough characters milling in and out of town all the time, but no one can clear a street quite like this Ghoul. You always know when he's back in town - the few people milling about scatter, and even the other bounty hunters coming through make themselves scarce. Even in the middle of a wasteland, he somehow makes the place even more desolate with his just presence alone. 

You don't mind the Ghoul, personally. Dealing with him is part of your job, after all - you're a bounty agent, he's a bounty hunter. You manage the contracts, he hunts the target, you give the payout when he's done. Easy-peasy. He's intimidating, sure, and dangerous, but he's always been all business with you, and he’s damn good for business. 

And if he’s a little flirty sometimes, well, you don’t mind.

This time when the Ghoul struts through your door, he’s dusty from the wasteland outside and carrying a grimy, drippy leather bag in hand. The leather bag squelches faintly as whatever's inside shifts around, dripping brownish liquid on the scrubbed wooden floor. He greets you in his usual way, with a howdy and a sugary darlin’, and plonks the bag down on your desk, goo oozing out from the seams. 

“Howdy, Coop,” you greet, eying the bag with glee. As you drag it over to you, it leaves a snail-trail of ick on the wood, staining it further. You peer into the bag and confirm it's the correct bounty in your contract.

“One mutant heart, as requested,” the Ghoul says. He watches you with a faint amused smile. “Never brought the bounty straight to the agent before.”

You dump the faintly-pulsing mutant heart out on the desk. It’s overly large - much larger than a normal human’s - and gray-brown, and it spurts little gushes of blood when you poke it, so you know it’s still fresh. You’re surprised it’s still working, but that’s why you paid for the Ghoul: he gets things done quickly. 

“That's because I'm the client this time.”

“Aw, you asked for me?” the Ghoul teases, only a little derisively, grinning at you. “That’s sweet.”

You roll your eyes. “I didn't ask for you - I gave the contract straight to you.”

“Straight to little ol’ me, huh?” he grins, resting his elbows on top of your desk.

Anyone else would have been shot for getting this close to you and your contract book, but you’ve always had a little bit of a soft spot for this Ghoul. It might be the flirting swaying your judgment. It might be that he’s actually fairly polite when he comes in - for a bounty hunter anyway. Regardless, you can’t deny you let him get away with more than you let the others who come in for payout.

“That’s what I said, Cooper,” you say as you duck down under your desk to retrieve a sack of caps from the safe and a case stocked with chems and rad-away. “You’re expensive, but you’re worth it. And I needed that done quickly.”

The Ghoul gestures down at the faintly thumping heart. “What’d you want with that guy anyway?”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“Explains why you wanted his heart in a bag,” the Ghoul comments. He sounds vaguely impressed. “Your ex-boyfriend was a mutant with two heads.”

“Four heads if you count the two below the belt,” you reply. You hand the Ghoul the bag of caps first and the case full of chems second. “Here's your payout and a bonus for quick work.”

The Ghoul opens the case slightly and snaps it shut, apparently pleased by the way his non-existent eyebrows raise. He shoves the bag of caps and case into his shoulder bag and slings it back over his shoulder. “Much appreciated. You got anything else for me to do?”

“Plenty. Let me check the contract log.”

You reach for your book to check, but he stops you by dragging the book over to him. Truly, anyone else would have been shot. Not him. He flips open a page and runs a gloved finger down the crease in the spine, pretending to read whatever’s on the page.

The Ghoul glances up at you. “Are you in the contract log?”

You meet his gaze, eyebrows raised. “Are you telling me you want to do me, Cooper?”

“Sure am, darlin’.”

You lean back in your chair, eyeing the Ghoul where he stands. You’ve always liked his eyes. It’s the only part of him left that looks like there’s still humanity to him.

The Ghoul steps back. “But, if a ghoul’s not really your thing…”

“Didn’t say that.”

“Then what do you say?”

You pause, pretending to think, but you don’t really have to think about it. “Sure, why not?”

“You got a backroom or somethin’ or we just movin’ your book out of the way?”

You nod towards the door behind you, not that you’d be opposed to just fucking him here in the middle of your office. “Yeah, I got a backroom.”

Said backroom constitutes little more than a spare desk and chair with a window, but that’s really all you’ll need. There are no curtains for the window, so whoever walks by is going to get an eyeful of what’s going on if they peek in at the wrong time. You don’t particularly care, and the Ghoul surely doesn’t.

The hat and duster stay put as the Ghoul backs you up against the desk. He’s only a bit taller than you, but his presence takes up the remainder of the tiny, boiling hot room. The hollow, pitted flesh of his face appears raw and red, but his eyes are pretty and alert. His lips are dry and smooth against yours, raw like the rest of his skin. You don’t mind - there’s no room to be picky out in this wasteland town. 

You’re not sure how he’s not miserable in the heat of the tiny room, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. In any case, you drag him closer by his belt, fisting your hand in his duster.

The Ghoul kisses you again, then strips off one of his leather gloves with his teeth and tosses it on the desk behind you. “Guess a ghoul is a step up from a mutant, at least?”

You yank his belt open and shimmy his pants down over his hips - he doesn’t let you get them down any farther. “I like ghouls.”

“Well, then, you’re a fuckin’ weirdo, ain’t ya?”

You slide down the side of the desk and hit your knees, your back pressed against the creaking wood. “Works out well for you, doesn’t it, Coop?”

His still-gloved hand wraps around the back of your neck, the leather sticking to your skin in the heat. “Sure does, darlin’.”

You take his exposed cock in hand and lick him root to tip, grinning at the hiss he gives you. His hand tightens around the back of your neck, catching in your hair. He looms over you, his unoccupied hand planted on the desk, blacking out the sides of your vision with his duster. You slide your hand down around the base of his cock and inch your lips down his shaft, hollowing your cheeks out, and he groans, low and slow, hips twitching like he's fighting the urge to just bury himself in your throat. You look up at him, wrapping your tongue around the tip of his cock, and his eyes are dark deep in the hollows of his eye sockets. 

He doesn't tolerate your teasing long. No, he tangles his hand in your hair and presses himself deep down your throat until your nose is flush with his skin. You gag around him, and he grins, pulling out and thrusting back in so you'll gag on him again.

“That's it,” the Ghoul says, teetering right on the edge of breathlessness, “you take it so well.”

You punctuate his words by scraping your teeth down his shaft, which he seems to like by the way he slams himself down your throat. Your eyes water, and you can feel the tears rolling down your face as surely as you can feel sweat snaking through your hair.

“Look so good on your knees for me,” he says, threading his fingers through your hair. He catches your chin with his ungloved hand, tilting your face up with his cock still in your mouth. His thumb swipes through the tears staining your face. “Pretty as a picture.”

The backroom is only getting hotter the longer you're stuck on your knees, clothed and trapped underneath the Ghoul’s duster with him. You're sure you're soaking through your clothes by now. Your hand snakes down to undo your top and pants so you can get some relief from the heat. It doesn’t help much, but it’s enough to keep your head from swimming.

The Ghoul takes that as an indication you’re itching to take your clothes off (you are). He hauls you to your feet, picks you up, and deposits you on top of the desk, looming over you with a grin. You let him strip the rest of your shirt off and help him get your pants off of one leg. You squeeze his hips between your thighs and hook your foot around his back, pulling him flush against you. 

“Take off the duster, Coop,” you say, moving to tug it down his shoulder. “It’s too hot in here for that.”

He takes the hand clutching his duster and pins it down to the desk. “I think you just want me to get naked.”

You smirk. “That, too.”

He strips off the other glove with his teeth and grips your hip. “Maybe next time, doll.”

“Aw, you wanna fuck me again - oh, fuck-”

The Ghoul doesn’t let you finish teasing him, instead thrusting into you with a rough stroke. The words get caught in your mouth, and he loves that. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Dick,” you say, grabbing the front of his shirt and yanking him into a breathless kiss. “Just come here.”

The Ghoul yanks you closer by the hip and wastes no time rutting into you. He can’t decide where to put his hands and runs them up your hips, your sides, grabs at your tits, before finally settling one hand around the back of your neck (seems to be his favorite place to grab you) and the other hand down in your lap so he can press his thumb to your clit. You clench around him, and that just makes him thrust into you harder, rubbing tight circles into your clit.

You’re not gonna last long - not like this. It’s hot, and he feels so good, thick and heavy in your cunt, and the way he groans in your ear and licks at your neck makes you whine.

You can tell the Ghoul is getting close to from the way his hips start to stutter, pressing deeper into you, pace quickening. He yanks your head back by your hair and latches onto your neck, sucking a bruise into your skin.

He presses his lips to your ear, “Where do you want it, doll?”

“Inside,” you reply, tightening your legs around him. “Less cleanup. And I’ve got extra radaway.”

The Ghoul takes that to heart, pounding into you until you cum with a sharp whine. It doesn’t take him long to finish after you, spilling himself deep inside you. He pulls out, cock soaked and softening slowly, but he’s not done with you. He stuffs his fingers into your cunt to keep you full, pumping in and out, and keeps pressing down on your clit with his thumb. It’s teetering violently on the edge of too much, overstimulating you, but you cum again anyway, this time harder and louder from the aftershocks ripping through you.

You drop bonelessly to the desk when he pulls his fingers out, and you watch him idly through your comedown as he licks his own fingers clean.

After a beat, you clamber up onto your elbows. “You still want another contract?”

The Ghoul adjusts himself and zips up his pants, chuckling lowly. “I just fucked you stupid and you’re talking about work.”

You grab your shirt and pull it down over your head, climb down off the desk, and set to work pulling up your pants. “Gets boring around here - gotta keep you coming back somehow.”

He snorts. “Oh, babydoll, you’ll be begging to get rid of me if you keep that up.”

“Try me.”

“I could use another contract,” he says. The slow grin that spread across his face would give anyone else chills. “Let’s see what you’ve got in your little book out there.”

[ilovetoxicfictionalmen]

SO MUCH FOR A BREAKUP

Pairing - Jackson Rippner x fem!reader

Summary - You broke up with Jackson because you felt like you didn't know him, thinking he took it well was a mistake.

Warnings - 18+, noncon, smut.

Word Count - 1.3k

Break ups were shit. You’ve been through a couple, but this one was different. Because this time it was you breaking up with your boyfriend. It’s not that you fell out of love, or anything dramatic (you still loved him very much). You just felt like you didn’t know who Jackson really was. Nevertheless, Jackson was dreamy. He was obliging, supportive and protective of you. But you just didn’t know as much as you wanted to know about him, his story didn’t seem to add up at times, tampering with your trust with him. You wanted to believe him, more than anything, because you were in love with him, but he wasn’t honest with you. It became a dealbreaker, you gave him a couple of chances but he just seemed to go unphased by them. 

The break up however, went unusually good from a third party perspective. If anything, you were the one in shock. He just politely smiled, nodded and wished you all the best. Was he even upset by this? Did he even love you like he claimed? A lot came into your mind, but after your final apology, the last thing he said to you was eerie, “sure”. 

Anyways, your few days of misery must end. You’ll have a nice warm shower, have a blissful sleep and then tomorrow you’ll take your life off hold. Maybe even message Jackson during the week to see how he is doing, no, scratch that, it’s better if you don’t. 

You turn on the hot water and strip till you’re completely naked. Staring at yourself in the flogging mirror, you let out a loud sigh, you’ve been feeling so insecure with yourself recently. 

“God, I’ve missed this view,” Jackson grinned, appearing against the doorframe.

You shrieked as you spun around and covered your body from him with your arms. When you realised it was your ex, it lowered your horror only to a fraction of an extent. “Wh-what are you doing here!” You cried as you backed into the corner. Shivers ran down your spine as you pressed yourself against the cold counter.  

“Baby, I’ve seen you naked countless of times, why hide yourself now?” he chuckled as he slowly walked towards you. 

“H-how did you get in?” you stuttered, unable to keep eye contact. 

A shrug of the shoulders, “never asked me for the key back”.

“And why are you here?” You gulped, arms still covering your body. 

He stood right in front of you, grabbed onto your arms and forced them to your sides. “Because I had time to think” he sighed, caressing your tits. You felt your body submit to his touch, you missed him. Maybe he’s finally reconsidered how he’s acted, regardless, this isn’t the action you’d take. 

But then you cried out as your lower back was pushed against the counter, his hand tightened around your throat. You tried to break the hold, but it was no use. 

“Fuck baby, why did you have to break my heart?” Jackson pouted, watching you gasp for air. “I really liked playing house with you. It was such a stress reliever from work. But you just wanted to try to fuck that up for me, huh?” Jackson exhaled as he dragged you by the throat to the shower. “Maybe we can clean the brattiness off!” he exclaimed.

Forced into the shower, you gasped for air as you curled up against the cold tiles. Jackson quickly stripped down his suit and jumped into the shower with you. You’re pulled into Jackson as he grinned down at you. 

“Why did you have to hurt me like that?” he asked softly, kissing your neck. 

“I-I told you-” you sobbed, hands pressed against his chest, the water hiding your tears. 

“Yeah, kinda selfish, I don’t get how my work life interfered with us. Fuck, you didn’t think I was out fucking whores did you?” Jackson laughed. That thought did cross your mind more than once. He’s always on business trips, what else were you meant to think. 

You’re flipped around and chest pressed into the tiles. Stroking himself a couple of times, he allied his tip with your entrance. Usually he’d give a bit of foreplay to warm you up, but the water will just have to do as lube tonight. With one forceful push, Jackson groaned in relief, you didn’t react the same. 

“How could you possibly want to break up with my cock? You love my big, fat, fucking cock” he said smugly, thrusting in and out as you wailed. Jackson smirked as he felt you squeeze against him, “your pussy wraps around my dick perfectly, we both know this!” Jackson chortled.

It was terrifying, this wasn’t the Jackson you knew. The sweet, caring, charismatic man you fell in love with was gone. This was the sinister reality he wanted to protect you from. The vague words, rough touch and lack of respect. He didn’t care that he was hurting you, he didn’t care that he was physically assaulting you. 

The grip on your hips will leave a bruise. Shower sex could be difficult, it was hard to hold onto anything. So you really had to depend on your balance by how hard Jackson was pounding into you. With every pound, his balls smacked against your clit. You could only hold out for so much longer. Whimpering like crazy, you tried to hold in your tears as Jackson grunted and mumbled under his breath with your walls pulsing like crazy around him. 

Fear and dignity made you not want to come for him. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough, you clenched around him, back arched, seeing stars, moaning loud as you came hard. Jackson lent forward and wrapped his arm around your upper body to pull you back. “Did I say you could come? You filthy slut” Jackson spat by your ear, still inside of you as you’re still feeling the after waves of your orgasm. “Next time, ask for my permission” he threatened as you’re forced down to your knees. 

He slapped your face with his cock, gesturing for you to open wide. Hesitantly, you did so. Jackson echoed a slow groan as he pushed his full length down your throat. It was hard not to gag on him, but that just made him moan in return. 

“Have you told anyone of our so-called break up?” Jackson questioned in a mocking tone, as if he didn’t already know the answer and as if you could reply. He held onto the back of your head as you gently shook your head around his cock. You just wanted to spend this time alone to grieve. “Aw, see? You didn’t even want us to break up. Just some typical female hormones right?” he condescended, pushing so deep that his balls pressed against your chin. 

You nails dug into the back of his thighs as he fucked your mouth. His breathing got heavy and cock twitched in your mouth. You knew he was going to explode at any moment. “I should be coming in your cunt, getting you all pregnant and shit so you can never think about leaving me again” Jackson grunted, his fingers yanking at your hair roots as he thrusted in your mouth. 

Your moans and cries only sent sweet sensations down his cock. Your nails drew blood and it was so hard to keep your mouth open for him. If his dick wasn’t so far down your throat, he’d be able to make out your pleads and sobs. It was only a wonder if your jaw or cunt would be aching more in the morning. With a harsh moan, his seed spurted out down your throat, he held your head still with his cock buried down your throat. Eyes squinted shut, you tried your hardest to breathe through your nose. 

Eventually, Jackson let go of your head and slowly pulled himself out of your mouth. Turning off the shower, he sighed and gently helped you to stand up. Still being a crying mess, you whimpered against his touch and refused to make eye contact. 

Jackson placed his fingers underneath your chin and directed you to look at him, “well, I suppose it’s time for you to get to know the real me”.

[finn-writes-stuff]

Hello! Can you write for Gale, Astarion and Halsin's reaction to tav wearing the wavemothers robe? Nsfw please😳

An Intricate Jewel

Tales tell of a most wondrous fish, scales resplendent, an intricate jewel that shone beneath the sea. When it died, the Wavemother gifted its hide as a robe to her most devoted follower - and demanded she drown the sailors that killed her gem-bright fish. - Item Description

Halsin, Gale & Astarion x Reader

Fandom: Baldur's Gate 3

Format: Headcanons

Gender Neutral Reader

Masterlist

I haven't actually gotten to this robe in my own playthrough yet, but I've seen plenty of it online lmao. This one isn't fully nsfw but it's spicy. -Finn

Halsin

"Oh. You look stunning, my heart."

He is openly admiring you any chance he gets. It is shameless because why would he be ashamed of looking at you? Of admiring all of nature's bounty before him.

He's handsy if you allow it, holding onto your hips where the slits of the dress show off your skin. Pressing kisses to the back of your neck just over the collar. Halsin always loves getting to see more of your skin, and this dress is certainly showing it off.

In general, he is a big believer in wearing whatever you want and enjoying it. He's hardly going to get jealous about others getting to admire you, so long as he's allowed to look as much as he pleases as well.

Even better, when you still have water clinging too you after being healed, dripping down your skin and making the dress cling even tighter.

You'll have him pressed up to your back to murmur in your ear about what he would like to do to you the moment you can both slip away.

And once you get the chance, he'll be between your thighs with the skirt pushed up around your hips. And you'll get to see just how long he can gold off before tearing the dress off of you completely.

Gale

"Oh! Yes, well, um, you look lovely! That sure does, well, show off your figure. Hmm. Yes."

This man is bright red and cannot look away from you. Yes, he can be blatant in his own flirting, but you make his brain shut down sometimes. And in this dress? Oh Gods

He is trying so incredibly hard to be a gentleman. He is NOT staring at your legs or the cut out in the back of the dress or how much it reveals of your chest or the way it clings to you as close as he wants to be. He is definitely not thinking about any of that. He missed his spell for unrelated reasons.

Show off in front of him, put yourself in his line of sight constantly. He will be going insane trying to stay polite and focused. And it's always a fun game to see if you can make him trail off in the middle of a monologue about magic.

Gale will spend an entire day suffering and watching you and trying not to say anything about it, but the moment the party breaks camp, he is dragging you into his tent to show you just how much he likes this dress on you.

You've left him so pent up after the whole day. He can't get enough of you, touching and grabbing and kissing you like you're the air he needs to survive.

The dress stays on until he's made sure you are both fully sated for the night. And he swears that if you wear it again he won't be so patient.

And if he's going to make a promise like that, he shouldn't be surprised when you wear it the next day.

Astarion

"Ohoho, please do say you're all dressed up for me, love."

He thinks this is delightful and would do the same thing if he could find something flattering enough.

Trying to tease him with it? No, that's his game. He's teasing you by letting his hands just barely touch you, appearing behind you to whisper in your ear about how delectable you look. Then slipping away before you can say anything back.

If he's noticing anyone else paying you too much attention, he'll make fun of them for it, but he's also likely to stick closer to your side, his arm around your waist. Showing the world that you're his.

He's the least worked up about the dress, but he likes it when you still stay by his side regardless of how much attention it gets you. He's just as much yours as you are his, and he'll be more than willing to reward you for being such a sweet thing all day.

He wants to see the way the fabric presses into your skin when you arch your back and let him sink his teeth into your neck.

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

EXTRA HOT REUNION

Bangchan x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist.

Synopsis: You and Chan are having a Too Hot To Handle reunion with other contestants to catch up on the life after the retreat. (6k words)

Author's note: Happy Valentine's day, my spicy lovers ❤️

Chan has one hand on the steering wheel and the other hand on your knee. Somehow whenever he's with you, he needs his hand constantly touching you.

"Do you think they like me?" You ask, nervously glance his way.

"Who?" Chan doesn't mean to not listen to your cute rambling, but he has his focus on driving.

"Who else?" You ask back instead of answering.

Chan has to think for a while whether you're still talking about his parents whom you just met and had dinner with earlier or his friends you're going to meet soon.

"My parents?" He asks.

You subtly roll your eyes, "duh?!"

He chuckles at your response and grabs the hand resting on your lap, he can feel that it's cold and a little damp.

"Why are still nervous?" He confusingly asks because the dinner has already ended almost an hour ago.

"I wouldn't be this nervous if your parents didn't watch us having sex on TV," you lowly sigh at the end of your sentence.

He bursts out laughing hearing that, you worried so much about these little things that he thinks it's cute.

"Does it matter that they like you?" He curiously asks.

"Of course!" You shorty answer like it's not obvious enough.

"They're your parents. I want to be deemed good, I want to be liked by them, your parents," you explain, shaking the hand in yours.

It doesn't matter that much to him. Regardless his parents like you or not, that wouldn't change the fact that he loves you. He also thinks you couldn't be cuter than this, worrying about whether his parents like you or not.

Once Chan parked the car, you put the visor down and your purse on your lap, he guesses you're about to fix your makeup before getting out of the car.

Wanting to tease you, he turns your head to the side and kisses you once you have applied a fresh coat of lipstick to purposely mess it up.

"Baby, you—" your complaint ends with a sigh instead, "you ruined it."

With his hand on your jaw, he holds your face still and leans in closer, "May as well...?"

Your hand stops him from coming closer, "Your friends are waiting," you remind him.

"Uhm... I don't think they would mind waiting a few more minutes," he says.

"Babe, we shouldn't—"

But he cuts you off with a kiss, a kiss that sends the windows of the car foggy with how much heat you're both producing inside.

You both giggle as you run to the bar where you'll meet his friends and once you step inside, you can see the red tint around Chan's lips and even on his nose from your lipstick.

"It's all over you, "You mutter as you reach to wipe it with your fingers as Chan cranes his neck to look for his friends inside the crowded bar.

"There they are," he takes your hand and leads the way to take you to the corner of the room where his friends are.

It's been great being where he grew up and meeting the friends who grow with him, but it always gets you nervous when he introduces you to new people.

You hate being perceived and with how you acted in the show, you're afraid that they get the wrong ideas about you.

Chan greets his friends with a bright smile and a quick hug, then he proceeds to introduce you after.

"You know who this is," he gives a short introduction of you with his hand resting on the small of your back.

"I'm James," the tall guy says with wavy brown hair, offering his hand at you.

"Hi, nice to meet you," you say as you shake his hand and politely smile.

"This is Leah, my girlfriend," James introduces the girl standing next to him, a beautiful girl with dark long hair and freckles dusted her both cheeks.

You know Chan wouldn't make you feel left out but you feel relieved that you're not going to be the only girl hanging out with these boys tonight.

"Very nice to meet you," you say, giving her a quick cheek-to-cheek hug.

"It's so nice to finally meet you in person," James says.

"Yeah, Chris can't stop talking about you. He's been yapping," Leah says, poking fun at Chan.

You turn to the side to look at Chan and raise an eyebrow at him, "Oh, really?"

"It's true," Chan immediately admits with a coy shrug and a shy smile.

Then he holds his hand up and glares at Leah, "Except for the yapping part," he quickly adds.

Everyone bursts into laughter and unlike the dinner you had with his parents earlier, you feel like you don't need to try hard to impress them.

"Let's get you guys a drink," James says.

While the boys are playing a game of pool, you and Leah are chatting over drinks., exchanging a few things about Chan like how James and Leah are his friends from high school which is also when they began dating.

"So you guys have been together like... forever?!" You say in awe, admiring their years of dating when your and Chan's relationship has been going on for nearly a year.

"Well, time flies by," she casually says like a decade-long relationship means nothing.

She sips her drink and snacks on a tray of fries in front of her, "how do you like Australia so far? Where have you been exploring?"

You quickly swallow your drink to answer her question, "Oh, I love it here, anything but the heat honestly," you answer along with a low laugh.

"I know, the heat is crazy these days," she says, finishing her drink in one long sip.

She glances at your glass and sees that you have finished your drink too, "How about a round of wet pussy?" She asks out of nowhere.

Not sure you heard her right, but your head is looking around to see if anyone heard it too and can confirm it for you.

"Excuse me?" You ask with a puzzled look on your face.

Leah bursts out laughing, amused by your utter bewilderment.

"Not that, oh, you thought—" she pauses to take a breath from all the laughter.

"It's just the name of a drink. It's sweet, it's delicious, you're going to like it," she assures you.

Leah doesn't wait for your answer but leaves the table to order it and returns with two shot glasses filled with pink-colored liquid. She hands one to you and holds one for herself.

"What's in this?" You curiously ask.

"Vodka, peach snapps, a dash of cranberry juice, lime, and every deliciousness there is," she playfully answers.

Chan comes to the table to have a sip of his drink and notices the drink in your hand, "Having wet pussy?"

"Uh-huh," you answer.

He winces after sipping his drink, "Be careful with that!" He says.

"Lighten up, Chris!" Leah says.

She makes you ignore his warning and initiate a toast with you, clinking the shot glass together then takes the shots at once.

The wet pussy is fruity and sweet, apart from the burn of alcohol down your throat, you would think that it's a glass of juice.

"Oh!" You gasp in amazement.

Leah smiles in satisfaction, knowing that you approve her recommendation, "Good, right?"

"Yeah," you say, "Can we have another round?"

"Sure, yeah," Leah says, doesn't mind ordering it for both of you.

The next thing you know, your tables are filled with empty shot glasses and you can feel yourself loosening up with every sip you take.

You're laughing at something when Chan presses his knuckle on your cheek, probably noticing how flushed they are.

"You might want to slow down on the drinking," he mutters to you.

You hold his chin so you can place a peck on his lips, "Oh, you mean these wet pussy?"

Chan laughs at that and puts his arm around you, pulling you closer to his side, ignoring the fact that James and Leah are making out across the table.

"You should have one of these wet pussy," you tell him, saying the name of the drink with a sly smile.

He leans into your side and whispers, "I'll have one, later, at home."

You put your hand under his chin and hold his face, wanting to catch up to what James and Leah are doing. Maybe it's the alcohol or Chan is simply a damn good kisser that you get that flutter and warmth all over you.

-

Chan can't tell how drunk you are but he has to hold you close to his side to keep you steady.

You both stand outside the bar to send his friends off on their way home, you manage to wave your hands as they leave in their car.

"Can you walk, love?" He asks.

You bob your head and begin walking toward the car in slow, careful steps.

Chan hurriedly holds your hand, afraid that you'd stumble in this state that he believes is the most drunk of you he's ever seen.

He reaches for the door of the car to open it for you when you pin him against the car, putting all of your weight against him as you put your hands around his neck.

Chan can't say no when you kiss him so passionately that he has a hard time returning it to you. He puts your arms around you to keep you steady and kisses you back just as hard and as deep.

It's when your hand wanders to the waistband of his jeans, that he breaks the kiss. He cups your cheeks in his hands and gently kisses your nose.

"Let's get home first, mmh?" He says

"Mmh, okay," you croak, letting him help you get into the passenger's side.

When he finally gets into the car, you fall asleep holding the safety belt on your lap. He quietly laughs, then buckles the belt for you.

Getting you inside the car is one thing, getting you out is another thing. He has to carry you in both arms when you suddenly wake up and insist on walking on your own.

"I'm not a baby," you slurred your words, trudging your way into the elevator.

Inside the elevator, you eventually cling to him again and instead of getting upset, he thinks you're adorable when you're drunk.

You kick your shoes off right after you enter his apartment and walk further inside while trying to take your dress off by yanking at it.

"Why is it so hot?" You grumble, still yanking at the front of your dress and heading straight to the bedroom.

Chan goes to the kitchen to get a glass of water and finds you still trying to remove your dress while hurling yourself around the room.

"Let me take it off for you, yeah?" He offers to help.

You stand with your back facing him so he can unzip the dress and pull it off of you. You immediately collapse onto the bed, lying down on your stomach.

"Have a sip of water first, okay?" He suggests, forcing you to drink some water by bringing it close to your mouth.

"Want to sleep..." you grumble again with your nose scrunched.

"Just a sip, baby, please?" He sweetly begs.

You lift your head just enough to sip the water from the glass and hurriedly rest your head on the pillow again.

"Good girl," Chan mutters with a tender caress on your head.

He keeps the glass of water on the bedside table and he heads out of the bedroom, putting the things he has prepared for the night back in their place.

He puts away the cake, and flowers, then dumps the rose petals scattered on the kitchen island into the trash bin. He washes up real quick and finally joins you on the bed, carrying the surprise he's been keeping close to his chest all night.

Catching you keep tossing and turning on the bed, he scoops you his arm and holds you close, he knows how much you like being cuddled.

"Cold," you murmur with eyes closed.

Chan hurriedly pulls the duvet up to your chest and affectionately kisses your bare shoulder, "Is it warm enough?"

"Mmh," you hum in answer.

He's aware that you're barely awake and probably wouldn't remember having this conversation with him the next morning, but he's been meaning to ask you something all evening.

"Baby?"

"Mmh?" Your hum is muffled with your head buried in his chest.

"Do you love me?"

"Mmh."

He looks down to see if you're awake but your eyes are tightly shut, "I love you," he mutters.

"Love you," you mutter back with a sleepy tone.

He chuckles at how you keep replying to him even though you're drunk and half asleep, he can't help but place a kiss on the top of your head.

"What do you think if we get married?" He playfully asks.

"Mmh."

"Do you want to get married to me?"

"Mmh."

"Is it a 'mmh yes' or 'mmh no'?"

"Mmh."

Chan laughs again and rewards you with another kiss on your forehead for being so cute. Even though tonight doesn't turn out the way he wanted, he still appreciates it as it is, another precious day shared with you.

"Will you marry me, baby?" He asks, while

"Mmh," you reply with another hum but this time along with a subtle nod.

He then takes the box he's been keeping in his jacket pocket all night and takes out the ring. Slowly, he puts the ring into your ring finger and then places a kiss on it.

"You can't take back your answer, you hear me?" He warns you.

"Mmh."

Chan has said it before but he didn't expect to meet you in a dating show and finds the one he's looking for in you and everything seems to fall into place ever since, it feels as if he's fated to be with you which assures him that he made the right decision to propose you.

But it seems like Chan has to try again tomorrow.

-

The morning sun blinds you when you open your eyes and you immediately close them again.

Your hand flies to your head as it's pounding from all the drinking last night and the alcohol evaporates through the pores of your skin.

"Oh, God!" You mumble with your hand rubbing on your temple.

The more you shift on the bed, the more you feel sick and you unintentionally wake up the man lying next to you. He scoots closer to you and looks at you through his half-shut eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks with a deep voice.

"Not okay at all," you groan, putting away the hair stuck to your sweaty face.

He props his elbow against the mattress, "Headache, mmh?"

You nod as you massage the side of your head as much as you can to lessen the pain.

"I'll get you something for the headache, okay?" He says with his voice heavy with sleep.

"Yes, please?" You whine.

"Wait a minute, yeah," he says, dragging himself out of the bed half-naked.

He shortly returns with a tube of ibuprofen in his hand and sits on the edge of the bed. Shaking the tube, he manages to take out a pill and hands it to you.

You shove it right into your mouth and take the glass of water from Chan's hand to wash it down. It's a suggestive thought but you already feel so much better.

"You're right..." you mumble.

You slump down and lay back down, "Those wet pussy are dangerous."

Chan chuckles as he rubs his hand up and down your arm then kisses your shoulder, "Now, you learned your lesson," he says.

"How drunk I was last night?" You curiously ask even though you know you wouldn't like the answer.

He sucks air through his gritted teeth and thinks for a moment, "You kept saying it was hot and you started taking your clothes off."

You cringe imagining in your head how you behaved last night while you were drunk out of your mind.

"How embarrassing!" You groan, covering your face with your hands.

"Nah. You were so cute," he adds with a sly grin that showcases his dimples.

"You enjoyed it, huh?" You elbow his side to get back to him.

He nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck and begins to pepper your neck and face with little kisses. When his lips are about to capture yours, you look the other way.

"I have a really stinky breath right now," you explain, covering your mouth as you speak.

"Since when do I care?" He takes your hand away and leans in again.

You usually wouldn't mind but for this morning with your breath reek from last night's drinking, you quickly dodge away for his sake.

"I seriously need to brush my teeth," you tell him.

And remembering that you didn't clean your face last night, you need to wash up immediately.

"Okay," Chan says with a pout.

To make up for it, you give him a quick peck on the lips and a longer peck on his cheek.

"I'll be back in a minute," you tell him as you get up from the bed.

It's horrifying to see your makeup melted and smudged, you're surprised that Chan is not disgusted already. You thoroughly brush your teeth and finish it with a cup of mouthwash.

You wipe your face with a damp towel to remove the excess makeup and scoop cold water to splash your face with. All the time you're standing in front of the sink and looking into the mirror, you've been seeing something different about you but can't tell what it is.

It's when you put your hand under the running water to scoop some more water you finally notice it, a ring on your finger.

Thinking that you're still slightly drunk or hallucinating, you bring your hand close to your eyes to inspect the ring, it has a beautiful teardrop-shaped diamond on it and it's on your ring finger so does this mean...

"Baby?"

You hear Chan's faint reply to your call from the bedroom, "Yeah?"

You can't seem to fathom your thoughts into words and end up calling him again, "Baby?"

"Yes?" He answers again.

With your eyes stuck looking at the ring, you walk back to the bedroom without drying your face first. You hold your hand up and show it to him.

"Did you see this?" You ask with a bewildered look on your face.

Chan is slyly smiling as he watches you get on the bed and sit in front of him, "Yes."

Not close enough to you, you decide to sit on his lap facing him, "Is it like... uh..."

Probably from the alcohol you consumed last night, your brain can't seem to compute words and your heart can't stay still inside your chest.

You inhale air to calm yourself, "Is it a gift or.... uh, something else? Something I don't know happened last night?"

Chan is grinning ear to ear, he seems excited to tell which one it is to you. He rests his hands on each side of your waist then says, "What do you think?"

"Whichever it is, I'm going to give you head for it," you playfully answer.

He chuckles with his tongue slightly sticking out from the corner of his mouth, "It is what you think it is," he cryptically says.

"I think you just can't wait to get a head from me," you joke again.

He laughs again and you gently hit his chest from beating around the bust, "Just tell me what it is," you whine.

He takes your hand and holds it, rubbing the diamond on the ring with his thumb, "Since I met you, I get this feeling that I couldn't love anyone else this much except for you like I have this much love inside me and it's only there for you."

You tip your head to the side as you intently listen to him talking his heart out.

"I'm stuck with you... in the best way," he remarks with a light chuckle, "and I think we may as well..."

It's endearing to see how he's slightly nervous and excited at the same time. You lean in close and tease him, "May as well what?"

He chuckles again and licks his lips, "We may as well get married. What do you think?"

You place your hand on the nape of his neck, "Of getting married? To you?"

"Yeah," he answers with a nervous sigh slips out of his mouth.

You brush the soft curls on the back of his head as you stare into his brown eyes and try to fathom your feelings into words, "Oh, baby... All I ever wanted is having all your love just for me," you playfully say.

You hold the side of his face and see that his eyes are pooling with fondness as they gaze into you, you get that fluttering feeling inside you.

Oh, you love him so much and you also think you couldn't love someone as much as you love him.

"I think I'll never get enough of it, I need it for the rest of my life," you continue.

Chan takes a deep breath to prepare himself for what he's about to ask you, "Will you marry me, my love?"

There's only one right answer to that, one that you know for sure you'll never regret.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes... " You peck his lips again and again for every yes you give him.

The last peck lasts the longest that you run out of breath and gasp for air when you let go, "A thousand times, yes."

Chan brings your head close to him so he can kiss you, kisses you so hard yet so gentle that you can feel the emotions he puts into it.

It's one of those moments where you feel like you and him are the only ones existing in this world. It's just you and him, encased in this moment forever.

When the kiss breaks, you melt into his hug and feel your hearts beating so close to each other as you hold him close.

"I love you, baby," he mutters with a rub on your back and a haste kiss on your neck.

You lift your head from the crook of his neck and look at him as you say those three words back to him, "And you know I love you too," you steadfastly say.

Chan just can't have enough of it the first time so he crashes his lips onto you again and his arms are tightly wrapped around you as if he tries to crush your body.

The kiss takes things further as you start grinding on him and when your lips aren't on his, you place slobbering kisses on his neck knowing how much he likes them.

While you're busy kissing him all over, Chan reaches for your back to unclasp your bra and takes it off of you. He grabs you by the waist and dives right into the valley of your breasts.

You look down to watch as he takes your breasts into his mouth in turns, switching between sucking and fondling them.

Your lips eventually land on his again, kissing him hard before going down to keep your promise. You pull his hardening member out of its confine and repeatedly stroke it.

Chan lifts your chin to place a kiss on your lips before you lower your mouth on him, taking his cock into your mouth and sucking on it.

You compensate the rest of his length you can take with your hand. You sync your hand and your mouth to give him the utmost pleasure.

He gathers all of your hair in his hand, making a makeshift ponytail, and holds it away from your face so he can see how you take his cock in your mouth.

"Mmh... just like that, baby," he breathlessly mutters to you.

"Keep going, yeah," he mutters again, throwing his head to the back in pleasure.

He keeps muttering sweet praises to you as you pleasing him with your mouth and once in a while, staring at him with your mouth full of him.

"You know how to please me, mmh?"

"You're so good at it, baby."

You know you're doing the right thing when he starts tugging at your hair harder and his breath becomes erratic. Continuing with your hand, you keep the pace knowing that he's close to his release.

"Cum for me, baby," you seductively say.

You maintain eye contact with him with your hand relentlessly pumping his cock, leading him to his high until the white of his cum spurts out of the tip, making streaks on your chest and chin.

His cum feels hot and sticky on your skin, he uses his boxer to wipe it clean for you, not wasting time crashing his lips against yours after that.

"Why are you so good at making me feel good, mmh?" He takes you down the bed and pins you under.

He has his lips constantly pressing on you, kissing you so hard that you're struggling to either kiss him back or take a breath in between.

He breaks the kiss only to kiss you elsewhere, down the column of your neck, and eventually presses his mouth close to your ear.

"I'd like to have my wet pussy now, please," he sweetly whispers, making you tingle inside.

As if he needed your permission, he pulls your underwear down and out of your legs, not wait another moment to dive into your wet cunt.

There's no doubt that he knows his way around you, making you arch your back to seek more of that delicious lick of his tongue between your folds and sends his nose pressed on your clit, but there's one thing you want more than his skillful mouth.

Failing to stop him a couple of times, you tug at his hair a little too hard to finally get his attention. Chan lifts his head, looking at you with his mouth and chin glistening with your essence.

"Want you inside me, baby," you sweetly ask.

He comes at you, hovering inside you to press his wet mouth on you, "Want me inside you, mmh?"

You let him kiss you again before telling him what you really want, "Want you to make love to your fiancé," you say with a smile.

"Fiancé, huh?"

"Mmm-hmm."

It seems to only hit him that you are his fiance, "Fuck yeah you are my fiance."

You wonder how he gets this hard even though he has just cum a few moments ago, you can feel how stiff he is when he enters you. You moan at how good it feels to finally have him inside you.

"You're so hard, baby," you whine as you sloppily kiss his mouth.

Your head falls onto the pillow, overwhelmed by the sensation of being filled by him, "So hard, mmh... so good," you

Chan puts your legs up and against him, holding them close as he starts thrusting into you. You grip the sheet underneath you as each thrust launches you to the back of the bed.

He slows down the pace and puts your legs around his waist, lowering himself onto you so he suffocates you with more kisses as his hips pulsate into you.

The gaze he gives you is affectionate and soft, in contrast to his slow yet deep thrusts. He is indeed making love to you, putting all of him into it, and you feel as if you became one, body and soul.

-

Chan sets everything on the dining table, the cake and the bouquet of flowers which he has now put in a pitcher filled with water to keep it from withering.

You finally out of the bedroom after hours of showering, dressing up, and doing your make-up to get ready for the video call for the show reunion.

"Oh, you prepared this?" You gasp, seeing the little surprise on the dining table.

"If you weren't so drunk last night, you would have seen it," he sneers with eyes squinted.

You chuckle at that and come up to him, putting your arm around his waist, "I'm sorry I ruined your surprise," you sincerely apologize along with a sweet peck on his lips.

"I'll forgive you if you let me take pictures of you and that ring on your finger to let the world know that you're taken," he requests with a sly smile dancing on his face.

You chuckle again and enthusiastically agree to this request, "With pleasure!"

Chan takes countless of photos of you with the surprise he prepared for you and countless more of you together, showing off the dainty ring on your finger.

"Should we share it with the group?" He asks.

There's a group chat of everyone from the retreat and you're still in contact with them through it. It's a good idea but you want to hold that plan for a bit since there's someone more deserving to know the news first.

"Maybe later after the video call?"

Chan considers it for a moment and then nods, "Yeah, I think so too."

You reach for the bottle of champagne and hold it out to him, "What about having a toast?"

"Only if you promise not to get drunk," he jokingly says.

"Oh, my God! Let it go already," you dramatically sigh while Chan hugs you from the back and kisses your neck.

You clink your glasses of wine together, having a toast to your engagement and having a little celebration, eating the cake right away with forks.

"Is it the time already?" You ask, shoving another spoonful of cake into your mouth.

Chan checks the time on his laptop screen and confirms with a nod, "Yep. It's time!"

-

HOST: Next up on my hot seat is the couple whose relationship was as sexually charged as it was fiscally reckless. Before we talk to them, let's take a look at some of their best bits.

[Video plays]

HOST: Hi, lovebirds!

YOU & CHAN: Hi, hi! [Waves hands]

YOU: Lovely to see you!

HOST: I see that you guys are together. Where is your location?

YOU: Take a guess! [Smiles]

CHAN: Yeah, take a guess.

HOST: Er... maybe I'm projecting it too much but it would be good news to know you guys are... in... Australia?

YOU & CHAN: [Applause]

HOST: [Exhales] Oof... What a relief to know that you guys are together at the beginning of the interview but I think we can safely say that almost everyone in the world is now watching your love story unfold.

YOU & CHAN: [Nods]

HOST: So where are you guys now in your relationship? Like... what has happened since the retreat?

YOU: [Turns to Chan] Want me to answer it or...

CHAN: Yeah, you.

YOU: Chris and I, came off the retreat and Chris went with me and stayed with me for a couple of days.

HOST: Didn't you guys plan on going to Australia together after the retreat?

YOU: We did. Then I got a call for work so I had to postpone it.

HOST: Was it like being away from each other? Because you guys can't seem to keep yourself away from each other in the show [laughs] How are you guys making it work?

CHAN: I obviously wanted to stay longer but I had a few things I need to work on too. The long-distance thing didn't put that much strain... it wasn't easy but we managed.

YOU: Right. We managed. We did alright, I guess [laughs] CHAN: We video call each other a lot.

YOU: And always sending nudes to each other.

HOST: [Eyes widen] Oh, wow!

YOU & CHAN: [Laughs]

HOST: And now you're back together, in Australia!

YOU: [Nods] Yes.

HOST: What did you guys do? Tell us all about it.

YOU: It's been an absolute blast. I had so much fun. I met his family, went sightseeing, tried all of his favorite foods, met his friends—

CHAN: She had too much fun, in fact [chuckles]

HOST: Whatever kind of fun that is I hope you've done it responsibly and safely [squints eyes]

YOU: To be honest, I got drunk last night and I had the worst hangover a few hours ago. Thankfully, this man [points at Chan] took care of me well.

CHAN: She had too much wet pussy.

HOST: Excuse me, wet what?

CHAN: It's an Australian thing, it's the name of a drink here. She got drunk on that.

HOST: Sounds like a fun drink.

YOU: You should try it. It's delicious.

HOST: I want to but I don't know if I'll ever find myself bold enough to say that to the bartender [laughs]

YOU & CHAN: [Laughs]

HOST: So... I do have to bring up a couple of sticky things. Uhm... first is Mac. Do you have any regrets about going on that date with Mac?

YOU: Uh... [glances at Chan] [Clears throat] I regret how flirtatious it got. It was really hard to watch that back because I was like... did I really say that? I was nervous about how Chris would react at that moment.

CHAN: Honestly, I hated to have that part included in our best bits [Shrugs]

HOST: [Cackles]

CHAN: But I was more than proud of her after it once I watched the whole thing.

HOST: We'll quickly move on from that and onto the future. I want to know about the future of you two. Have you got anything you want to share with us about... future plans maybe?

CHAN: Well, we've been looking for a place together and... also... at rings [Giggles]

HOST: [Gasps] Oh, my God! It's so happening! Has the question been popped yet?

CHAN: [Looks at you] We may as well, yeah?

YOU: [shows off ring] He already did!

HOST: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! I don't know how to react, it has never happened before!

YOU: Just so you know he proposed to me this morning, like literally a few hours ago.

HOST: We need the details. Please!

YOU: Well, remember that he said I was drunk, right? [Laughs] he prepared this surprise with a cake and flowers, he initially planned to propose last night but that didn't go as planned so he tried again this morning.

HOST: And you said yes?

YOU: He obviously knew I wanted to marry him [smiles]

HOST: [gleefully laughs] YES! I'm loving this so much.

CHAN: I couldn't imagine being with anyone else [smiles]

YOU: He's just so cute [smiles]

HOST: You are aware that Lana's rules no longer apply. You guys can totally kiss right now.

YOU & CHAN: [Kisses]

HOST: [Coos] I kind of in love with this love story right now. Oh, wait, were we the first to hear about this?

YOU: We want Lana to be the one who knows about this.

CHAN: And obviously to everyone who is rooting for us [smiles]

HOST: Lana, girl, you should hold a wedding for them! The first Too Hot To Handle wedding.

YOU: Lana sponsor us, please? [Laughs]

CHAN: Jokes aside, we thank Lana for bringing us together and—

YOU: That's true.

CHAN: In case you don't know, Lana is doing God's work [chuckles]

HOST: Are you going to celebrate it with more wet pussy?

YOU: [Laughs] Yeah, that's actually a great idea.

HOST: How about you, Chris?

CHAN: I just had it this morning [Holds in laughter]

YOU: [Covers his mouth] [laughs]

HOST:... OH?!

CHAN: I'll probably have it again later at night.

HOST: [Blinks eyes] Oh... I expect nothing less from you guys.

YOU & CHAN: [Laughs]

HOST: Oh, my gosh, you guys! It's been incredible talking to you both. I wish you nothing but the best.

YOU: Aw... thank you. It was a really great reunion [Lightly claps]

CHAN: Thank you, Lana. Thank you, everyone [Waves hand]

YOU: Much love [Blows kisses]

-

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