#reghan's writings

[rockwoodchevy]

Cold

Jackson!Joel Miller x F!Reader

summary: after an attack by raiders, you end up lost in the dead of winter. Joel doesn't take the news very well.

Word count: 2.9k

warnings: mentions of death (no actual death though), some swear words

a/n: hi all! this is my first piece of Joel workings so please let me know what you think! i have some WIPs that i am excited for as well so look forward to those as well! thanks for reading!

_________________________________________________

You’re smart enough to know that the fact that you no longer feel the cold isn’t a good thing.

The shaking has stopped, so have the pins and needles in your body. Your breathing is shallow and little puffs of what seems like fog come from your mouth as you exhale. The ripped up puffer jacket on your body is no longer keeping your body heat in, the thick leggings barely helped in the first place but now helping even less with the rips. In all honesty, you’re slightly surprised that you’re still alive or at least conscious. You know that you’ve probably lost quite a bit of blood from the stab wound in your upper thigh and maybe the laceration on your head. You can’t feel if the beanie you were wearing hours ago is still there but that thing was pretty itchy anyways so you don’t necessarily mind. The only thing you can feel right now is the pressure of your body pressed against the ground, your eyes locked on the sky. What seems like thousands of stars staring back at you almost taunting you, waiting for you to join them. You can’t feel it in the slightest, but a tear rolls down your temple. It’s a beautiful way to go, numb and looking at the galaxy above your head. 

You aren’t completely positive what happened, all you know is there was a yell from one of the others on patrol behind you and suddenly you were on the ground, head ricocheting off of something, what it was you aren’t sure. It took a second to come to, but everyone was a blur. The only person you could really recognize was Jesse who was fighting off some raider. In your attempt to help him, one of them stabbed you deep in your thigh. The last thing you remember is Jesse telling you to run and you didn’t second guess his words. You took off in the first direction that you saw, running until your leg could no longer hold you up anymore. You were losing too much blood and the cold was no help. You had no idea where you were or what your surroundings were. No idea how far away Jackson was. All you knew was that you were going to die here. No warmth. No pain. 

No Joel.

God, you almost want to pray to whatever deity was listening that your body would rot away out here after you die and nobody, at least nobody from Jackson, would ever find it. You would hate for Joel to have to see you like this. You know that he isn’t a very emotional man, but good God, does he love you. You’ve heard it from multiple people in Jackson; Ellie, Tommy, Maria, even people that you have never even talked to before. You can hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes, feel it in his touch. You’ve never had to worry with him, knowing that you were safe, appreciated and loved every second of every day. You couldn’t bear the thought of him having to see you like this; broken down and dying if that is what this is. Knowing that he’ll be in pain once you go, that is the worst part of all of this.

What you don’t know is that Jesse spent the better part of an hour searching for you. He began panicking once the sun went down and decided he had to make his way back to the town and gather a search party. He feared having to explain to Joel and Tommy why he was alone. As he rode up to the gates on one of the horses that was spared in the fight, he could hear one of the gatekeepers yell out ‘lone rider!’ and his heart dropped. He knew that Joel waited for you after every patrol shift that you had and that he most likely heard the keeper yell. As the gate opened, he could see multiple people, including both Joel and Tommy, run out to him. While a couple of the people including Tommy helped tend to Jesse’s wounds, Joel immediately started questioning him about your whereabouts. Jesse could only babble out what he could about the raid as he broke down into tears, explaining the attack and him telling you to run so you wouldn’t get more hurt all the way up to his search for you in the surrounding wooded area. Joel’s heart fell completely out of his body, freezing as it landed in the soft pile of frosted grass beneath his feet. He didn’t hesitate to help drag Jesse back inside the safety of Jackson’s walls, not to ensure their protection but to question the hell out of him as to where he looked. Jesse told him everything he could. After Jesse was brought to the infirmary, Joel looked to Tommy who was already looking at him wearily. 

“Joel-“ Tommy began, but Joel didn’t let him finish his sentence.

”I’m going whether ya like it or not. With or without ya.” 

In 20 minutes time, a search party of about 10 people, including Tommy, Maria and Ellie, had gathered together to search for you. Joel’s heart couldn’t stop its rapid beating in his chest. Jesse told him about your hit to the head and injury to your thigh. They didn’t know the severity of them both. The party headed off in the general direction of where both you and Jesse were attacked and spread out from there. Joel started to yell out your name in hopes that you would be able to respond to it. Tommy immediately began to shush him.

”Joel, we can’t just start screaming her name out here, there could be more raiders in the area-“

”I don’t give a fuck who else is out here,” Joel interrupted Tommy. “My girl is out here and we are gonna find her tonight.”

They agreed, much to both Joel and Ellie’s dismay, that an hour-long search would happen before they would all have to retire until the next day. They all separated in 5 groups of 2. Each with weapons to defend themselves, whistles around their necks and first aid in the hopes that they could find you.

But you had already given up mentally and almost physically. You couldn't ask for better company in death than the stars. The crickets. The wind. The trees. Death would be peaceful, painless, easy. The only thing you wished was that you could say goodbye to Joel. Kiss him one last time. Hold him one last time. The only heat you’ve had in a while bursts in your chest at the thought of him. You close your eyes, the heat dissipating. 

Maybe you’re dreaming or maybe you’re just hallucinating, but you think you can hear someone calling your name. You think it could be an angel calling you home or some religious shit like that, but no, you know that voice. You open your eyes, looking back at the stars. You hear it again and another familiar voice echoes behind it. 

Tommy and Maria are here.

You could cry, out of happiness or sadness you don’t know. Happy that you could be rescued and brought back to your home, regardless of either it was Jackson or Joel. Sadness because you know that there is a bigger chance of you not making it than there is that you will, and either they or Joel will have to watch it happen. But regardless, you’re happy it was them and not Joel. 

Your name is called again, slightly closer than it was before. You know that you won’t be able to speak, to call out that you’re here, so close yet so far away it seems. You worry that if you don’t make noise soon, they’ll turn the other way and your fate will be sealed. You think fast, remembering that small handgun Joel likes to shove into your pack. You muster up all the strength that you can and search for the pack without turning your head. Feeling the zipper, you undo it and slip your hand in, feeling around until you grasp the handle of the gun. Pulling it out, achingly slow since the burn in your muscles is agonizing. Tears fall down your temples again as you hear your name once more, now further away. Using all the strength you can, you aim the gun away, cock it and shoot. The sound of it is almost deafening, the shot making your arm fly back some. That shot is all it takes.

Tommy and Maria both turn towards the sound of the shot, both of them reaching for their weapons. They’re confused when they don’t see another raider but continue towards the area. Maria gets there first, gasping and throwing herself off of her horse and falling to her knees at your side. She touches your face a few times and says something to you, but you can’t hear it through the relief that floods your brain. More tears fall as Tommy slips off his thick jacket, laying it on top of you. Maria rubs her hands along your arms to attempt to warm you as much as she can. 

“We gotta get her back to town. She’ll die out here.” Tommy says hastily. 

They both aid each other in helping to lift you up and onto Tommy’s horse. He straddles it behind you, praying Joel will forgive him for doing what he has to in order to keep you both warm and alive. He pressed his front to your back, resting his head on your shoulder and immediately began to ride back towards Jackson as fast as he could. He was speaking to you, telling you that you had to hold on, that you had to fight because he didn’t know if Joel could take another heartbreak like this. He had one hand on the reigns of the horse, the other one rubbing against your thigh to try and help you gain your heat back. His hand felt wet and he pulled it back to see it covered in crimson. His stomach churned and he attempted to get his horse to ride faster. He couldn’t let you die, Joel wouldn’t be able to come back from this. He barely came back from Sarah, he couldn’t imagine what this would do to him. 

Maria rode back towards where the party originally separated and blew her whistle as loud as she could. She did it for a few moments before turning back towards the town while still blowing it. As she left the wooded area, she could see a few of the other riding back towards Jackson as well. Mostly, she could see both Joel and Ellie riding as hard as they could back to their little sanctuary. They all reached their within the same small time frame. Maria, Joel and Ellie all stormed towards the infirmary and saw Tommy’s horse abandoned outside. Maria could see the fear in Joel’s eyes as they stormed inside, pushing past the doors and into the main room. 

Joel pushed past a few people to get to the back room that they usually keep unoccupied for emergencies. When he pushed the door open, the doctor was hovering over Tommy who had her huddled in his lap, hands gliding up and down whatever inch of skin he could reach. Joel promised himself that this was the one time he would let that slide, especially since her life depended on it. Tommy made eye contact with Joel as he stormed over to them, subtly sliding her over to Joel as he sat next to them. Joel could feel her weight press down on him and first the first time that night, the tightening in his chest loosened just a little bit. He immediately started to run his hands up and down your body through the two blankets that were tucked around you. The doctor was speaking to him, but he wasn’t listening. He called your name a few times, hoping that you could hear him. 

“C’mon, honey,” he begged, “I need you to open those pretty eyes for me. Lemme see them.”

He was practically talking to a statue, the cold almost becoming you. Joel didn’t cry very often but he figured now would be an exception. They ran down his cheeks rapidly as he held back a small sob; he couldn’t care less that Ellie, Tommy and Maria were there to see it.

”Please, baby. I need you to look at me.” He sniffled some. “I can’t do this without you. I’m so sorry; I should have been there. I should have protected you. You… you’re everythin’ to me. Please don’t go. I promise I’ll do anything as long as you stay. I won’t… I won’t make it through this.” Joel shook his head, pulling you closer to him. “I need you to stay with me. I’m beggin’ you.”

Ellie had to turn and leave, she thought she was going to be sick. Maria left with her, not wanting to interrupt this moment, whether it ended good or bad. Tommy stayed with Joel, assisting in trying to get your body heat back to somewhat normal. 

You, on the other hand, felt like you were floating. You could hear Joel’s words, the pleading in his voice, the urgency in his and whoever else’s hands were brushing up and down your skin. You thought that the stars were the perfect company in death but now, you realize that if there was something you’d want to look at as you go, it would be Joel. You wanted so badly to let him know that you were here with him, that you could hear him but your muscles were so tight, so tired. All you could get out was a deep hum from the back of your throat that you weren't sure was even your voice, you couldn’t recognize it. But Joel did, pulling you tighter against him. 

Joel turned to Tommy quickly with an urgent look in his eyes.

“You gotta leave.” He told him.

Tommy looked at him oddly. Joel shook his head.

“Body heat. She needs body heat.”

Tommy finally understood, standing and exiting the room to go and find both Maria and Ellie. The doctor excused himself as well, standing outside the room in case there was some sort of emergency. Joel wasted no time in stripping off any layer of clothing that he could get to. It didn’t take much to rip off what was left of the leggings that you wore but he struggled a bit with your jacket. He laid you down on the small bed, taking off his clothes as fast as he could; he didn’t want you away from him, worried that even a second not near you could do more harm. He laid himself on top of your body, both of you now only covered in your undergarments. He knew that you would most likely complain about the fact that we were practically naked in a public place but at this point, he couldn’t give a shit. All he cared about was making sure you stayed alive. He covered as much of your body as he could while still whispering sweet nothings into your ear, trying to get some sort of reaction from you.

It took about half an hour but your body temperature was coming up slowly. You almost wished you were still numb because the pins and needles were returning, causing some discomfort. You found your voice a little while later, moaning out of pain. The dull throbbing in both your thigh, now stitched and covered up, and your head (which surprisingly wasn’t busted open like you thought it was) was hurting. Tears developed in your eyes and for the first time that night, you could feel them running down your face. You could feel a sob rising in your chest quickly before it came out of your mouth. And though it was a sign that you were in pain, Joel was ecstatic. Because it meant that you were warm enough to feel again. 

“I know, I know honey. I know it hurts. I’ll get you taken care of.” Tears rose in his eyes. He never thought he would be excited to hear you crying, but here he was. He continued to warm your body as he held you while you cried. You genuinely thought that you were going to die out there, alone with the stars and sounds of nature. You never realized how you had taken being held by Joel for granted and boy, did he know how to hold you. 

Once you could feel your limbs again and had full control over them, you slowly lifted an arm to warm around Joel’s middle, holding you to him as tight as you could. Joel released a sob at the touch of your skin on his. Like you, Joel started to realize how he had taken holding you for granted. The world was a scary, uncertain place. Every day, people walked a thin line between life and death and today, you almost crossed it. You were both so close to never being held by each other again and Joel couldn’t handle the thought of that. 

“It’s alright, honey. I gotcha. I always have ya.”

And you believed him. Because he saved your life. 

And unbeknownst to you, you had saved his too.

[rightcrowlung]

Call of Duty OC

note: yes, COD has its nails dug into me now. This is my OC, Reghan (he/she). He’s in the MW reboot timeline. I’m gonna be writing headcanons and shit for the reboot folks since I think about them so much. He is black btw.

————————————————————————-

Reghan Twia Anjo Satrinava-Idrissu

Aliases:

Bravo 1-1 (would not leave Price alone until he allowed this)

Rhys (by John Price and family)

Rhea (by Soap and Price)

Angel (ONLY by Soap)

Sergeant

Welshy

Sheepshagger (do not call her this, he will kill you)

Grim fucking Reaper (a Shadow)

D.O.B.: June 1st, 1997

Gender: X (intersex)

Nationality: Welsh

Laterality: Ambidextrous

Height: 223 cm

Weight: 285 lbs

Vision: good enough, do not ask him for specifics

Blood type: O-

Relatives:

Fia Satrinava-Idrissu (Mother)

Aakesh Satrinava (Father)

Major Somatra Satrinava-Idrissu (Oldest Sister)

Cardamom Satrinava (Older Sister)

Basil Satrinava (Older Sibling)

Priya Satrinava-Idrissu (younger sister)

Paternal+Maternal Grandparents

Salem Satrinava (Cousin)

Wraith Satrinava (nephew)

Marital status: Single

Eye colour: Gold

Hair colour: Black

Languages: Welsh, Portuguese, Twi, Scottish (Gaelic)

Children: None.

————————————————————————-

Have pictures of soap since I have no pictures of my OC

[sthenosims]

inspo for this whole set (x)

[sosavtoday-blog]

April 2nd, 2017

Hello!!! What is up what’s the deal :-) OK so I haven’t had like a long blog post for a WHILE because, well, I don’t know. I’m really lazy. Since I blogged last, a lot of shit has happened. I ran away from home, I qualified to state for DECA, went to state for DECA, got a new job, quit my old job via text message, started smoking again, got myself a boyfriend, fallen behind in school, broken ALL my new years resolutions, slept in my car bc I was homeless, went to California for spring break, cheer ended, and that’s about it I think. Ok well I’ll start with the most significant thing I suppose. ME running away from home!! Haha okay so once upon a time there was a girl named savwal who wanted to see a movie with her friend Haley Higgins. she asked her father if she could. her father proceeded to insult Haley resulted and savannah having to defend her friend. her father finally agreed but on conditions of savannah having to have her room, bathroom, downstairs and catbox clean which would take a span of at least an hour-hour and a half and the movie would start earlier than that. savannah then told her father never mind and to forget the whole thing. she said she would NOT be hungry for dinner and she would NOT be eating with him. shortly after she sent that text she heard footsteps stomping down three flights of stairs. she then heard her father barge into her room and demand her phone. she asked why he was taking her phone and he replied that she was grounded. he then asked for the passcode which she replied no. she knew that if he looked through her phone she would be in a lot more trouble than she already was. he said she would not be receiving her phone back until she gave up the password. this was not the first time savannah’s father was being mean to her. he had been narcissistic and rude before this day and savannah was FED UP with it. she packed her old GAGE cheer bag, her sesame street suitcase, school backpack and outer space backpack up and ran outside to her car and peeled out!! she saw her dad behind her running inside to get his keys and shortly after, his car pull out of the driveway. savannah thought to herself, “no way am i letting him catch me” so she turned left out of her neighborhood and took the first right and proceeded on to her supposed friend Taylor’s house. Once she had arrived at Taylor’s house she walked to the front door with tears streaming down her face with nothing but her car keys in her hand. Taylor’s very nice mom answered the door and said Taylor wasn’t home but that savannah was more than welcome to come inside. Savannah had no where else to go so she went inside and sat with her mom. Her mom said that if there was anything she could do just to let her know. I asked if I could stay there that night. She said of course. Fast forward to when Taylor got home, savannah asked if she could borrow Taylor’s phone to log onto her snapchat. While on Taylor’s phone, she saw that she was texting her mom. Savannah then saw what they were talking about and that was Savannah. Taylor was saying mean things like how do I get rid of her and I don’t want her to stay here. Savannah then got very sad and walked outside to grab her laptop. While outside, she saw her friends Adrian and Reghan. They invited her to go eat with them and she agreed. 

TO BE CONTINUED 

(i’m sleepy. it’s kind of fun writing in the third person lol.. good night)

:-)

[karpedayam]

Days 42-46: Paper Writing and Dancing! - July 2-6

This week was filled with a lot of writing for my three courses. I had 3 research papers to write, 1 take-home exam and an in-class exam. I think everything went quite well, but it was definitely a tiring week! 

We had our last cooking class on Wednesday the 4th, we made 2 types of Gobi Manchurian. It’s kind of like that new trend of Cauliflower Wings but more flavourful. We made a batch which you deep-fry, then fry in a sauce, and a batch where you coat them in the seasonings and then fry. Both were fantastic. 

On Friday, everything was submitted by 1:30 so I spent the afternoon relaxing. We had a meeting with Dr. Rehka and she gave us these beautiful mugs with a picture from our Orientation on them, so so sweet. That evening we had our final cultural event which was traditional dancing and it was so cool. Normally the dance lasts about 4 hours as it tells the story of the entire epic called the “Ramayana” which is one of the great Hindu epics. They condensed their performance to 1 hour for us. There was a live band and they were so in sync with the dancers it was really amazing. Their facial expressions were coordinated too and there were short bursts where they would dance kind of similarly to step-dancing which was really cool. 

That evening, many of us were packing as the rest of the Mount Allison students leave Saturday morning for Delhi, but Rachel, Reghan, Annie, Saku, Jevon, and I went to the Barge for a final hurrah. We had some Fruity Sandy’s and lots of laughs. I’m really going to miss these moments together.

[rockwoodchevy]

Pneumonia

Jackson!Joel x F!Reader

summary: you're feeling icky today but Joel has patrol. unfortunately, it's more serious than either of you thought.

word count: 3.1k

warnings: illness, fainting

a/n: hi everyone! it's been a hot minute since I posted anything so here is a little thing I worked on between work. let me know what you all think! enjoy!

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“Joel, please don’t go out today.” You ask, sniffling to yourself. 

You know that you’ve been feeling a bit under the weather recently, chest feeling heavy and thick with something that you cannot quite put your finger on. The world seems dizzying almost, weighed down by something you can’t quite place your finger on. The thought of being alone right now makes you anxious, especially when you don’t know exactly what is wrong.

”You know that I have to. Town’s getting bigger by the month and we need people out on patrol.”

”Just this once? I’m just… feeling down in the dumps right now.”

Joel turned to look at you sitting in the bed. He noticed that you looked a bit pale recently and could hear the slight sniffles you were releasing, but he talked it up to you having a small cold. He would be back in about 12 hours so he wasn’t too worried.

”I have’ta go, honey. I won’t be gone long. Plus, Ellie will be here to keep you company. I’ll ask her to stick around for a while.”

”Please, Joel? I really don’t… I just think something is wrong with me.”

”I probably just have a bug, I know something has been going around lately in town. Just try and sleep it off, maybe Maria has something for you to take. I’m sorry but I gotta go.”  

Joel places a quick kiss to your forehead, eyebrows furrowing when he realizes that you are a bit warm. He decides to shrug it off as the small illness some people in town are fighting right now, straightening back up. 

“I’ll be back later tonight. Just… rest, alright?” 

You’re too fatigued to continue arguing with him. You nod your head, resigning from the conversation. He dips his head at you one time, grabbing his bag and heading out the door.

”Love ya, hon!” He yells from downstairs. 

You’re too tired to yell anything back, laying back in your spot and throwing the blanket off of your body. You feel like you’ve already sweat through the sheets and your stomach rolls and turns. Bless him for putting the garbage can in here, you think to yourself as you lean over the side of the bed, feeling like the breakfast you forced down this morning was coming back up for an encore. To your dismay, nothing comes up and your stomach continues to feel the same way it did a few moments ago. Throwing yourself on your back in your spot again with an arm tossed over your eyes, you drift off to sleep praying to whoever is out there that Joel’s patrol shift flies by.

____________________________________

You think you’re dreaming still, but you can hear a voice calling out your name. Blinking a bit, your vision clears and you see Ellie sitting on Joel’s side of the bed, a concerned look on her face.

”Damn, and I thought that Joel slept like the dead.” She said, quietly.

”Sorry, El,” you croaked out to her, sitting up. “Just not feeling too hot today.”

“That’s what Joel told me. Asked me to come and watch you for a bit.”

Once you were completely sat up, Ellie reached her out to your forehead, placing the back of her hand against it.

”He said you were warm but I didn’t think you were this warm.”

”I’m alright. Joel thinks I have that stupid bug going around right now.” You say, looking down at your hands in your lap. You hear Ellie say your name and you look back up at her.

”I don’t know about that, I’ve seen the people who have the bug and they aren’t close to as bad as you look.”

”Gee, thanks El.” You roll your eyes, turning to move out of the bed.

You stand even though it makes you feel slightly dizzy. Stretching out your body, you turn back to Ellie who is tracking your every movement.

”I hope you didn’t have to cancel any plans just to come and babysit me today.” 

“Nah,” Ellie stands from her spot. “Was just gonna go and see the movie they were playing today. Guess it's a new one that someone found while on patrol or something.”

Now you felt bad that Ellie had to change her plans just to come and take care of you. Shaking your head, you move for the dresser.

”No way, Jose. I’m taking you to watch that movie.” The sentence barely finishes coming out of your mouth before a cough attack happens. 

“I don’t think that is a good idea, dude, you look like walking death.”

You turn towards her, a look of determination on your face. “Absolutely not, we are going to see that movie if it kills me.”

Ellie rolls her eyes but gives in. She knows that if you are able to fight Joel hard enough for him to give in, then she has no shot against you. She nods, throwing her hands up.

”Alright, alright. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

________________________________

The winter air outside feels like Heaven against your skin, which you know is still sweaty regardless of how cold it is outside. Ellie and yourself are walking side by side as you approach the town center where the movie will be playing tonight. She looks at you warily, worried about your well-being.

”You sure about this? We can always just stay at your place, play a game or make fun of Joel or something.”

You laugh slightly but that turns into a full blown coughing attack. “Yeah, I’m sure. I feel fine, actually.” 

That was a big ol’ lie. 

Ellie nods as you both enter the hall. She searches for someone, you aren’t sure who, but her eyes brighten a bit once she sees them. 

“I’ll be right over there if you need me!” She points as she runs off in the opposite direction. You nod to no one, moving to the back of the room to stay out of the way of everybody.

The movie, apparently something called ‘Angels in the Outfield’, plays for a little while before you see someone walking over to you in your peripheral vision. Turning your head, you see Tommy heading your direction. You smile at him slightly, but his mouth is downturned as he approaches you.

”Whatr’ya doing here, huh?” He says, his arms crossed over her chest. “Joel said you weren’t feelin’ too hot.”

”I’m fine,” You say back, though you can tell he knows that you’re lying. “Just a little bug. He had poor Ellie cancel her plans just to watch me while he was gone but I couldn’t let her do that so I brought her here to see the movie.”

”You sure about that? You look like death.” He moves a hand towards your forehead but you move before he can touch your skin.

”Why does everyone keep saying that? I’m alright! Peachy actually. It’s just a little warm in here is all.” You respond, rolling your aching shoulders back. 

Tommy gives you an odd look. You scrunch your eyebrows at him. “What?” You question.

”Warm? In here?” 

“Yeah,” a look on your face like he said something ridiculous. “I’m sweatin’ like a whore in church.”

He says your name, resting a hand on your shoulder. You raise an eyebrow at him.

”The heatin’ in here broke 4 days ago. It’s, like, 65 degrees in here.”

Your stomach flips again like it did earlier today. How could that be? You’ve been sweating for a while now, you figured maybe the people in here were still cold from the outside air since they all had their coats and jackets on still. You’re confused suddenly, almost a panicked feeling running through your body. You look at Tommy, placing a hand on the arm that is still attached to your shoulder. 

“Tommy, I don’t feel so good.” You tell him, the room spinning slightly.

He looks extremely worried now, placing his arm around your shoulder. He begins to lead you towards someone else in the hall.

”We should get you to the infirmary. Let’s go get Maria, huh?”

His voice sounds a bit far away and your vision tunnels before it blacks out. You don’t feel your knees give out as your body collapses to the floor, your head barely missing the ground as Tommy goes down with you. Tommy yells out for help from anyone, also yelling for both Maria and Ellie as he keeps your head up, lightly tapping your cheeks to see if you’ll come to. A few moments pass before both Maria and Ellie are around your body, some other citizens now on the ground trying to help in any way they can. 

_____________________________________

By the time you come to, you’re laying on a tiny cot in a small room that smells like antiseptic. You take a deep breath, moving to rub your eyes. You hear your name and move your head to see both Maria and Ellie, Ellie now standing over you, your hand in hers and Maria still in her seat. 

“I’m so sorry, I should have made us stay at your house! That was such a bad idea, oh Christ, Joel is gonna be SO mad at me-“ Ellie practically rants. You shush her, moving to sit up in the bed.

”Ellie, it’s alright. It was my idea anyways, so I’m the one that he’ll be upset with, not you.” You squeeze her hand. She smiles slightly at you. “What happened, anyway? I was talking to Tommy and now I’m waking up here.”

”You fainted. Tommy said he was bringing you here and then all of a sudden, you were on the ground. Doctor said you have some sort of lung thing that starts with a P but it doesn’t sound like it.”

”Pneumonia?” Both you and Maria say at the same time, though yours sounded more like a question and her more like an answer. You look over at her.

”It’s pneumonia. Doctor said they have some antibiotics you can take for a little while. You scared the shit out of us, you know?” Maria said.

”I’m sorry. I thought I just had that bug going around.” You groaned at your aching body. “Where’s Tommy?” 

Ellie and Maria looked at each other. 

“He’s riding out to get Joel. We tried to tell him that his shift would be over in a few hours but he said Joel would have a conniption fit if he found out after he got back. He left about half an hour ago so it may be a little bit until they get back.” Maria told you, standing and grabbing a bottle of water off the floor to give to you. You took it gladly, drinking almost half of it in one go. ”Doctor said you’re good to go once you feel like it. You wanna stay for a bit or head back to your place?” 

You shook your head. “I wanna go home. Be in my own bed. Plus I’m sure that will be the first place Joel will go so…”

Ellie and Maria both nod and help you up from the bed. They help to keep you steady as you all walk back to the house. Once you arrive, you sit on the couch in the living room, Ellie on the other side of you. She refused to let go of your hand the whole way home and still won’t now. Maria stands by the front window, searching for both Tommy and Joel. All three of you have casual conversation, save for your couple of coughing fits. About an hour later, as Maria is finishing up a story, she stops mid-sentence. You and Ellie both look at her weirdly before she starts again.

”Joel runs pretty fast for an old man.”

Your stomach flips one more time as you anticipate Joel’s arrival any minute. You can feel your heart rate spike, heat in your veins. Ellie’s thumb brushed back and forth on your hand for a second, catching your eye. She opened her mouth to say something, but the front door slammed open. All three of you looked towards it at once, Joel barreling in with Tommy not far behind him. Joel’s eyes fell in you, looking distressed and uneasy. 

“Baby…” A breath fell from his lips. 

You stood from your spot on the couch to approach him, but he was much faster. He swiftly made his way over to you, engulfing you in what you think may be the tightest hug in all of human history. Squished to his chest, cheek pressed up against his shoulder. His arms were wrapped around you as taut as they could. You could feel the quick rise and fall of his chest, his rapid heartbeat. 

“Let's leave them be.” You could hear Tommy say from the doorway. You could hear both Ellie and Maria move throughout the room to the exit, the door closing behind them. 

You both stood there for a minute, Joel holding you to him and you enjoying the comfort of his arms. You missed him, even for the less than twelve hours that he was gone. You missed him every second he wasn’t by your side, which unfortunately was more often than you would both like due to his patrol and you helping out with the cattle some days. Regardless, you both made what you could out of the time you both got together. It was incredible to see Joel’s growth since you both settled down in Jackson, how he began to open himself up more. He seemed less stressed all the time, his shoulders not carrying the weight that they used to. But you know that now that all three of you are settled, he feels like he needs to pull his weight in making sure the town stays safe. But you know him well, and you know that he probably feels beyond guilty right now knowing what happened to you after he left for patrol even though you practically begged for him to stay with you. 

“Joel-” You whispered into his shoulder.

“Don’t. Just… let me hold you a second longer.” He responded, voice tight in his chest. 

You obliged him, just standing in his grip. After a few more moments, his hold on you loosened and he pulled back a bit. His hands gripped your upper arms, holding you out in front of him. His eyes scanned over your body, searching for something you weren’t sure of. 

“I’m alright.” You mutter to him.

His eyes snap back up to yours, searching them like he’s looking for something specific. 

“What the fuck happened?” He asks, running one of his hands down to yours, bringing it to his lips and pressing short kisses to your knuckles. 

“I can’t believe you told Ellie to cancel her plans just to watch me.” You changed the subject, slightly upset with him.

“That isn’t what I asked, honey.” He responded, his lips still brushing against the skin on your hands. 

“I don’t care, why would y-”

You were cut off by his gruff voice saying your name in a tone, that tone where you know he isn’t playing. You sigh, moving away from him to sit down again. You take a breath to start explaining to him, but get cut off by a rough coughing fit. Joel immediately sat down next to you, a hand patting your back. After a quick moment, the coughing stops.

“I took Ellie to see the movie because I felt bad that her plans got cancelled because of me. Tommy saw me, which I don’t appreciate you just yapping to people that I’m not feeling well by the way, and pretty much wrung my ass because I was out. I told him that I was hot in the hall and he said something about the heating breaking and apparently it was super cold in there so he wanted to take me to the infirmary but I got dizzy and confused and all of a sudden, I was waking up at the infirmary. Doctor said something about me having pneumonia.”

Joel remained silent for a moment before you finally looked up at him. You almost couldn’t believe it, but his lower lash line was stinging with tears.

“...I left you alone while you had pneumonia?”

“Joel, I’m fine really. It isn’t that big of a deal really-”

“Yes, it is!” He exclaimed. “You practically begged me to stay home with you this morning and I just left!” He stood from his spot, a hand on his forehead.

“Doesn’t matter if you stayed home or not. If my body was going to give up on itself, it would have done it regardless of you being here or not.” You stand shakily. Joel immediately had his hands on you, making sure you were steady.

“But I still coulda been there. Christ, honey, do you know how far my heart dropped into my ass when I saw Tommy riding towards me like that? He wouldn’ta come all the way out there for any reason except you so I knew something happened to ya. Scared me shitless, know that?” 

“I’m sorry.” You apologize. “I really thought I was alright. Just… I don’t know, this morning I thought I just had anxiety about you leaving but I guess my head just knew something was wrong.”

“You ain’t got a reason to apologize. I’m the one that should be sorry for not listening to ya this morning. You never ask me to stay home like that so I shoulda knew there was something wrong.” He wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you in towards him. He dropped a kiss to your forehead, causing you to smile. 

“Can’t we both just be sorry and call it a day? I missed you and my body feels like jello.”

You can hear him huff out a laugh, placing a second kiss to your forehead.

“Course we can. Not letting you go for a while. I already told Tommy he’ll have to find someone to take my next few patrol shifts because I am not lettin’ you out of my sight until I feel like you’re 100% recovered.” He moves your body back from him by your shoulders, his thumbs tracing small circles there as well. 

“Think we have ingredients for you to make me soup?” You ask him, trying to clear your throat. 

“Even if we don’t, I’ll raid this whole town to find some. Do anything for you.” He replies. 

And you just smile at him, because you know he’s not joking.

[rockwoodchevy]

Somethin' in Common

Jackson!Joel Miller x F!Reader

summary: Joel comes across someone at the bar who has something in common with him. Something he wouldn't wish on anyone.

word count: 1.9k

warnings: child loss, some swear words

a/n: OMG!!! I cannot believe the feedback I got on 'Cold'! I'm SO glad you guys loved it! Here is another little writing I thought of today. Not sure how I am feeling about this one but let me know if y'all like it!

___________________________________________

Joel seldom treats himself to a night out at the Tipsy Bison but after days like today, where it seemed that everyone and everything was out to get him, he thinks he might just deserve it.

As he sits towards the end of the bar area, he watches as the world continues on without him. Couples, families, and loners like himself go about their lives, seemingly forgetting that all of them are still living in end times. Joel scoffs to himself, returning to the drink he had been nursing. It was his third one, about to be his fourth. The bartender, whose name he didn’t even bother to listen to, sauntered over to him with the bottle of whiskey. He gave Joel a look, almost of pity or disgust he wasn’t sure. 

“Another?” He asked, already starting to pour the poison into his glass.

“Keep ‘em coming until I say so.” Joel grunts out to the man, pulling the glass back to him before the bartender even finishes pouring it. A small amount of the liquor spilled onto the bar in front of Joel but he didn’t flinch as he raised the glass back to his lips. The bartender rolled his eyes as he wiped the counter down, walking away from him back to the other patrons sitting towards the end of the bar. 

Joel continues to sip on his drink, watching as people come in and out of the bar. He doesn’t think twice about the woman who comes in, hood up over her head like she is trying to hide from someone. She sits down on a stool 3 seats down to his right and removes the hood from her head. She’s a pretty girl, Joel thinks to himself. His head snaps to his left when he hears the bartender say a name, walking over to the woman with a big smile on his face. She smiles shyly at him. Joel repeats the name in his head. Pretty name, fits her perfectly. 

“Hi, Mathieu.” Her voice resonates through the bar, though it might just be through Joel’s head from all the whiskey he's had. So Mathieu was his name. 

“Want your usual?” He asked her, already beginning to make a drink. She nods.

He makes something with a couple of liquors that he isn’t sure of before plopping it in front of her. She practically slams it in one go, Mathieu smiling as he starts to make her another.

“I have a surprise for you.” He says, turning to walk towards a back area. She follows his movements, eyes wandering to her left. She makes eye contact with Joel for a moment, smiling at him. He gives a small grin back before they both look away from each other back to their respective drinks. 

A few moments pass before Mathieu comes back from wherever he was with a smile white box in his hands. He placed it in front of the girl, stepping back from the bar. She gave him a confused look, opening the box in front of her. Her face froze and Joel couldn’t quite place the emotion on it. Reaching in the box, she took out what seemed to be… 

A small cupcake?

Joel was a little shocked. He hadn’t seen a cupcake in quite a while. It wasn’t huge or anything too flashy, just a regular sized vanilla cupcake with a bit of frosting on top. She placed it in front of herself, leaving her forearms resting on either side of it. She was rubbing her thumb and pointer finger together on both hands before lifting one of them to her face. Joel followed her movements, watching as she wiped at her eyes. Mathieu placed a comforting hand on the arm that remained on the bar and ran his thumb over her skin. 

“Thank you.” She let out, voice a little louder than whisper. 

“Don’t thank me yet.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small pack of matches. He struck one, the flame burning huge and bright for a moment before settling into a small light. He stuck the match in the cupcake, motioning for her to blow it out. She let out a watery laugh but blew out the flame no less. Mathieu clapped and spun in a little circle, making her laugh a little harder. 

Joel scoffed a little at the sight. There really wasn’t anything special to him about birthdays, especially after everything that happened on his all those years ago. He shook his head, taking another swig from his glass. Until another one of their conversations caught his attention.

“If you don’t mind me asking… how old would he have been today?” Mathieu asked her, leaning on the bar towards her. 

“Ten.” She said, voice low. “He would have been ten.” 

“Wow. Double digits, huh?” Mathieu tried to lighten the conversation.

“Yep.” She looked at the cupcake, picking it up and turning it in her hands. “He hated vanilla.”

Mathieu stood up in his spot, looking at her wide-eyed. She looked at him, a small smirk on her face. Lifting the cupcake to her mouth, she took a big bite out of it. “But I don’t.”

He laughed at her, shaking his head. “I have to keep doing my job, but I’ll be back.” He walked off to the other group of people at the bar and engaged in conversation with them. 

Joel was intrigued at the conversation that just occurred in front of him. Who were they talking about? He looked back at his glass, moving it around and watching the ice and liquor move around before he spoke. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but-”

“No worries. You aren’t the first person to ask about it.” She looked up at him. She reached a hand out to him, offering him her name. He obliged in her offering, meeting her hand in the middle of them and giving it a shake while telling her his name. When she let go of his hand, she turned in her seat to face him.

“Today is my son’s birthday. He would have been ten years old today.” She told him, not breaking eye contact. “He passed away 6 years ago. Infected got him. I didn’t have the heart to… to kill him. You know, afterwards.I couldn’t have imagined my son dying, let alone at my hand.” She looked down at her hands, ringing one around her wrist. 

Joel looked at her with shock on his face. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it wasn’t that. He wasn’t quite sure what to say back to her but he knew what not to say. Because he was tired of hearing it too. He turned his body towards her and took a deep breath before he began.

“I lost my daughter. At the beginning of everything. So I understand the pain you’re going through.” He grunted out to her.

She looked up at him, the shocked look mirroring his from earlier. She hadn’t met another parent who lost their child and it felt somewhat comforting to know that she had someone who understood her. She smiled at him. And he smiled back. They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, randomly sipping their drinks when Mathieu came back over to them.

“How are you guys doing?” He asked.

“I think I am gonna head out, Mathieu.” She said to him. He nodded at her and let her know that she was good to go. She thanked him before turning to Joel and giving him a nod. He hesitated for a moment and watched as she walked towards the exit. Fuck it, he decided. He called her name, standing from his seat. Turning to look back at him, she gave him another smile.

“Can I walk you home?” Joel asked her. 

She beamed at him, making his heart hammer in his chest. “I would like that.”

He grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair he was on and rushed over to her as he was throwing it on. They walked out of the bar together, walking side by side in a peaceful silence, only the sound of the town and the few people around could be heard. They reached her home about 10 minutes later, just a couple of minutes from Joel’s place. He walked her to her door and watched her stop before she opened her door. She spun and looked at him.

“Do uh… Do you wanna come in? I’m not sure if you like it or not but I got some coffee grounds in a trade recently and have been dying to try it.”

He smiled at her, nodding as he stepped forward towards the house. She welcomed him in, pointing towards the living area as she stepped into the kitchen to make the coffee. He explored around the living room, looking at the small trinkets lined along the fireplace she had. There was a polaroid of her and a small child who he assumed was her son. The boy looked quite a bit like her, same nose and small smile. He grinned at it as memories of Sarah at that age ran through his mind. He heard someone clear their throat and he turned to see her standing in the doorway with two mugs. 

“That’s my boy. He was little there.” 

“I assumed it was. Handsome fella, he was.” Joel said, walking to the couch she was now sat on. He sat next to her, graciously accepting the mug from her. They both sipped on it and hummed at the delightful taste. She giggled at the sound of their hums harmonizing together and he laughed in return. They sat in silence for a moment before he spoke. 

“Thanks for the coffee. It’s difficult to get some nowadays.”

“It is. I don’t wanna tell you what it took to get it. I’m glad I did though. It’s actually really delicious.” She examined the mug before placing it on the table in front of them. She leaned back on her couch and looked at him. “So… tell me about yourself, Joel.”

He looked a little taken aback. “Ain’t nothing special about me. Nothin’ anybody would really wanna know.”

“Try me.”

So, they spoke for a bit. About their hometowns, their respective kids, their travels, how they both ended up in Jackson. But also about themselves. Their likes, dislikes, what they wished they could have done if the world hasn’t ended. Before they knew it, the sun was starting to rise. They had spent all night enjoying each other’s presence and neither of them were too upset about it. 

“I should probably get home. Ellie is probably wonderin’ where the hell I am.” Joel said, standing from his comfortable position on the couch. She stood behind him and walked him to the door.

“It was really nice talking to you, Joel. It’s nice being able to have someone who understands, you know?”

He nodded at her. “It is. I appreciate the coffee and company.”

“I appreciated your company too.” She said, beaming at him. 

They both stood by the door when Joel suddenly turned to her. 

“Can I see you again?” He asked shyly. She immediately nodded. 

“Whenever you want. You do know where I live, so.”

“Okay.” Was all Joel could say. 

As he was turning to leave, she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek. He was taken aback for a second but couldn’t help it when his grin grew bigger. 

“Can I see you tonight?” He asked, a hand coming up to rest on her cheek.

“Name the time and place and I’ll be there.”