#respect my trans homies or i'm gonna identify as a fucking problem

[jessieroses]

Dear Joanne Kathleen Rowling,

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

TBB Incorrect Quotes, Part 16

Hunter: Please, Crosshair, after everything we’ve been through together. You can’t do this. Crosshair: I’m sorry Hunter Hunter: I’m begging you. Don’t do it. Crosshair: It has to be done. Hunter: Crosshair: Hunter: Crosshair: *Places +4* Uno.

Wrecker, dashing into the room: WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?! Echo: …What does that even mean?!

Hunter, talking to Tech: They're trying to lure me into a false sense of security! Well, joke’s on them! I’ve never been secure in my life! And I’m not about to start now!

Crosshair: They called me the B-word. Echo: Motherfucker doesn’t start with ‘b’.

Echo: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in. Echo: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall. Echo: *looks at camera* Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

Crosshair: Quick! You must come with me! You're in great danger! Tech: Why?! Crosshair: Because I’ll kill you if you don’t.

Wrecker: ‘Technically legal’, the two best words in the the English language, right before ‘cowboy spectacular.'

Crosshair: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend. Hunter: Yeah? Crosshair: Bitch.

*Echo, Wrecker, and Tech are playing poker. Tech is winning by a long shot.* Echo: Aw, come on. Wrecker: It’s not fair! He doesn’t even know what we’re playing! Tech: Go Fish?

Tech: Do you want this handful of moss? Crosshair: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss? Tech: Damn, you could’ve just said no.

Crosshair: You say “Please” and “Thank you” in front of Omega all the time, and she never repeats it. Crosshair: But you call Hunter “Ass-faced motherfucker” ONE TIME…

Crosshair: All I did was kill people, is that really such a crime? Hunter:  Hunter: Yes?!

Wrecker: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

Echo: Are you free tomorrow? Crosshair: No, I’m fucking expensive every day.

Omega: How do you type so fast? Echo: Anxiety.

Wrecker: Wanna hear some dark humor. Echo: Yeah, I love dark humor. Wrecker: Alright. Wrecker: *Turns off the lights* Wrecker: Knock knock. Echo: Turn the damn lights back on.

Crosshair: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them. Hunter: That’s brilliant. Crosshair: Thank you, Tech.

Hunter: You're ignoring all your problems. Echo: I know. Hunter: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism? Echo: I'm ignoring that fact as well. Hunter:

Wrecker, playing a video game: How do I play? *Wrecker has drawn first blood!* *Wrecker is on a killing spree!* *Wrecker is on a rampage!* *Wrecker is unstoppable!* *Wrecker is dominating!* *Wrecker is godlike!* Wrecker: Don’t worry guys, I figured it out.

Crosshair: *Hugs Tech from behind* Crosshair: *Tucks Tech's hair behind his ear* Crosshair, whispering: Eat all the frosted animal crackers again and they'll never find your body.

Omega: Did you know spiders can hold 8 guns at once? Wrecker: How does it WALK?? Omega: Omega: Did you know spiders can hold 7 guns at once?

Echo: Tech? You just drove through a stop sign without stopping. Tech: I'll stop twice on the way back.

Crosshair: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

Crosshair: CHARACTER. FLAWS. ARE. FUCKING. IMPORTANT. Wrecker: Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they’re gogurt tubes.

Hunter: One time I went to hand Wrecko a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!” at the same time, so instead I blurted out “Careful! It’s soup”.

Hunter: And what did we learn, Crosshair? Crosshair: Tackling someone isn’t the correct response to being asked a simple question.

Crosshair, proudly: I slept. Tech: Is that so much of a rare thing that you have to say it?

Tech: Things will get better! Tech: Tech: Okay, maybe they won’t. Tech: But they will be terrible in new and interesting ways!

Echo: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Crosshair: Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to fear how much they love me.

Omega, looking at a map: It’s a barren, featureless wasteland out there, isn't it? Hunter: Other side, Omega...

Hunter: Can you be serious for five minutes? Wrecker: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Echo: I’ve come to a point in my life where I need a stronger word than fuck.

Omega: Your smile looks forced. Crosshair: That’s because it is.

Echo: So what’s for dinner? Wrecker: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Echo: … Echo: Is it soup? Wrecker: I soup-pose it could be! *winks* Echo: Please, enough with the soup puns! Wrecker: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Echo: STOP! *one hour later* Echo: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

Crosshair, to Hunter: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it’s not going to be me.

Omega, running: Slow down, Tech, I can’t ketchup! Tech, not slowing down: You’ll just have to use all the strength you can mustard.

Echo: Get in the Halloween spirit and make a ghost! Hunter: That’s called murder and I heard somewhere that it was illegal.

Tech: I’m going to get so much done today. Hunter: I’ll hold you to that. *8 hours later* Hunter: So how much did you get done? Tech: One thing. Hunter: Well, that’s one more than usual.

Crosshair: If Wrecker says he'll be ready in five minutes, he will be. Crosshair: No need to remind him every fifteen minutes about it.

Tech: If there are no questions, we’ll move on to the next chapter. Crosshair: I have a question. Tech: Certainly, Crosshair. What is it? Crosshair: What’s the point of human existence? Tech: I meant any questions about the subject at hand. Crosshair: Oh. Crosshair: Frankly, I’d like to have the issue resolved before I expend any more energy on this.

Omega: What’s the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite? Tech: “Stalagmite” has an “m” in it.

Wrecker: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time. Crosshair: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

Hunter: Look, I know we don’t always see eye to eye but— Crosshair: Thats because you're too short to do so. Hunter: …Listen here you fucking—

Tech: Wake up! The sun is shining! Crosshair: What do you want me to do, photosynthesis?

Omega: Will Crosshair be okay? Echo: He won’t be when I find him.

[maidofdarkness23]

Arbiter Corps AU Incorrect Quotes Part 2

Valkyrie: *spits mouthful of blood onto floor* You’ve become far more powerful since we last crossed paths. Dentist: Please stop, there’s literally a sink right next to you. -

Valkyrie: If there’s one thing I learned from Skulduggery, it’s to set people’s expectations real low, so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all. -

Skulduggery: What is this!? Valkyrie: That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend. Skulduggery: Ow! Make it stop! Valkyrie: Surrender to your kindness, Skulduggery. It’s nice to be nice. Skulduggery: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness! -

Skulduggery: I feel like I can be myself around you. Valkyrie: You’re weird and quiet around me. Skulduggery: Yes. -

Nefarian: I need to dye my hair. Valkyrie: ... Nefarian: Or get another tattoo. Valkyrie: ... Nefarian: Or a new piercing. Valkyrie: Why? Nefarian: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods. -

Skulduggery: *looks at Valkyrie* Skulduggery: Baby boy. Baby. Skulduggery: *looks at Nefarian* Skulduggery: Evil. -

Omen: Wow, this parking is as straight as I am. Skulduggery: I know I should be focused on the fact that you just came out, but HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY PARKING! -

Skulduggery: Stop thinking whatever you're thinking. Valkyrie: Huh? Skulduggery: You always make that face when you're about to say something stupid just to piss me off. So cut it out- Valkyrie: I love you. Skulduggery: Valkyrie: Valkyrie: Also, cereal qualifies as a soup. Skulduggery: I KNEW IT!! -

Valkyrie to Omen: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just... Nefarian: Cockroach ankles! Valkyrie: Ye- uh, what? -

Skulduggery: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem. -

Skulduggery: Where's Valkyrie? Nefarian: Don't worry, I'll find her. Nefarian, shouting: Omen sucks! Valkyrie, distantly: Omen is the best person ever! Fuck you! Nefarian: Found her. -

Skulduggery: I'm having a baby. Valkyrie: Oh, congradu- Skulduggery, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here -

Valkyrie: I would let you ruin my life. Skulduggery: Sorry, I’m busy ruining my own. You’ll have to wait. -

Valkyrie: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby? Valkyrie: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us. Valkyrie: I also want to softhack his circuits. Nefarian: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again. -

Nefarian: *watching the squad's shenanigans with concern* Do you feel like this has gotten out of hand? Valkyrie: I don't know. Feels normal enough for a group that's on 911's blocked callers list. -

Valkyrie: I want to be like a caterpillar. Skulduggery: Explain. Valkyrie: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful. Omen: You know they have a lifespan of a week, right? Valkyrie: Valkyrie: That's just another highlight! -

Skulduggery: Y’know, maybe things aren’t so bad. I’m here. I got the nice ocean breeze. Just alone with my thoughts. Nefarian: Hey, Skulduggery. Skulduggery: GODDAMNIT! -

Nefarian: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Omen's birthday invitations. Skulduggery: Well, what are they supposed to say? Nefarian: "Omen's birthday". Skulduggery: So, what do they say instead? Nefarian: "Omen’s bi". Skulduggery: Skulduggery: Works out either way. -

Skulduggery: Do you cook? Valkyrie: I made a cake once. Omen: Yeah, it was good. Valkyrie: Really? Omen: Don’t make me lie twice, Valkyrie. -

Valkyrie: I’m having salad for dinner! Skulduggery: Valkyrie: Well, fruit salad. Valkyrie: Actually, it’s mostly grapes. Skulduggery: Valkyrie: Okay, it’s all grapes. Valkyrie: Fermented grapes. Skulduggery: Valkyrie: Skulduggery: Valkyrie: It’s wine. Valkyrie: I’m having wine for dinner.

[the-mighty-mittens]

I did a bunch of Castoff incorrect quotes, you wanna see?

Of course you do

1

Marina: Pick a card, any card.

Rori: Fine.

Marina: Wait, that's my credit card!

Rori: You said any card.

2

Marina: *running towards Arianna with open arms*

Arianna: *moves out of the way*

Marina: Hey, why'd you move?!

Arianna: I thought you were going to attack me.

Marina: I was going to hug you!

Arianna: Why would you hug me?

Marina: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

3

*when a child starts crying in public*

Sage: *tries to make the child laugh*

Frankie: *tries to play a game with the child to make them calm down*

Marina: *gives detailed instructions to the parents*

Rori: *cries with the child*

Arianna: *ignores the child*

Vector: *is the reason why the child is crying*

4

Vector: Man, it smells like wrongdog out here.

Arianna:

Arianna: Vector, are you alright?

Vector: *sobs*

5

Vector: A sprite is anything not static.

Sage: A sprite is a variable object, be it 2d or 3d.

Rori: A sprite is a fucking soda.

Rori: You god damn geekass bastards.

6

Vector: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

7

Vector: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi!

Rori: Hey- what are you doing-?

Vector, shoving an oreo into their mouth: I am saving space :D

8

Rori: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’.

9

Rori: You’re kind of a pushover, aren’t you, Vector?

Vector: …I’m sorry.

Rori: See!? That’s exactly what I’m talking about!

10

Arianna: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?

Sage: Do it or you're straight.

Arianna: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

11

Arianna: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.

Arianna: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

12

Vector, texting Arianna: Arianna there’s a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Vector: Pls hurry because I’m going to cry

Vector: Arianna

Vector: Arianna

Arianna: Arianna is dead. You’re next. Love, Moth.

13

Rori: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

14

Arianna: That's it, I'm cutting off the internet!

Frankie: No, please don't! I have a family to feed!

Arianna:

Arianna: What?

Frankie: I need to feed my Neopets!

15

Arianna: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Marina: Those are wanted posters!

16

Marina: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Rori: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

17

Vector: *eating a cinnamon roll*

Arianna: Cannibalism.

Vector: *confused chewing noises*

18

Sage: Where is Vector?

Marina: I'll do you one better, who is Vector??

Rori: Here's a better question, why is Vector?

19

Arianna: BEHOLD, the field in which I grow my fucks! Lay thine eyes upon it, and thou shalt see that it is barren!

20

Vector: Arianna.. I'm gonna cry!

Arianna: Please don't.

Vector, crying: Request denied.

21

Arianna: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

22

Vector: What’s it like being tall?

Rori: Is it nice?

Vector: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Frankie: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb four chairs, two boxes, a small coffee table, and six oddly placed stools to get what they want.

23

*in a group chat*

Marina: First one to reply is gat.

Marina: *gay

Marina: Wait...

24

Marina: What did you get on your shirt?

Rori: Rust.

Marina: From what?

Rori: Weapons.

Arianna: Time for more adult supervision.

Bonus Zebra herd quotes!

25

Zera: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless and the horrors never cease.

26

Zera: Hi, who's this? Terran changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.

Liam: What's mine?

Zera: Dwarf.

Liam: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Zera: Oh, hey Liam.

Liam: FUCK!

27

Liam: Oh gosh I wish I got more sleep I only got six hours!

Sonja: Six? I only got three!

Terran: You guys got sleep?

Zera, comes stumbling out of their room and grabs a jug of coffee before saying: What year is it??

28

Terran: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?

Liam: Ooh, yes please!

Zera, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!

Terran: It's not a bug though...

Zera: ...

Liam: ...

Zera: Well I still don't want to see.

Liam, realizing: Please don't throw-

Terran: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

29

Zera: Self-care is suppressing all your trauma until it comes back and hits you in the face with the force of 7 very large trucks.

[atomic--peach]

Putting the Mains of Apocalyptic in a quote generator and posting the most accurate results

Red: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

Red: Did you have to stab them?

Nuada: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Red: What did they say?

Nuada: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Red: That’s fair.

Abe: Nuada isn’t answering my messages.

Mary: Allow me.

Abe: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-

Nuada: *replying to message* Hello.

Mary: Guess what I'm about to get!

Manning: On my nerves.

Abe: When do you usually go to sleep?

Mary: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

Nuada: Who the fuck-

Nuala: Language!

Nuada: Whom the fuck-

Nuala: No.

[caramel-sandiego]

Ivy: Respect my trans homies or I'm gonna identify as a fucking problem!

[gavinisqueer]

Gavin: Respect my trans homies or I'm gonna identify as a fucking problem.

[saintfijiwater]

Respect my trans homies or I'm gonna identify as a fucking problem 💯

[atty-goldstein]

Deb: Respect my trans homies or I'm gonna identify as a fucking problem

Alice: you better be out here respecting trans people or your pronouns are gonna be was/were