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jungkoode · 3 months ago

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死 KKANGPAE | #08 死

† chai †

"Sweetness doesn’t have a place in Jeon’s life, or at least it didn’t, until now. Because he’s been craving vanilla and cardamom and… chai? Hoseok is as annoying as always, and the fact that you may be at tonight’s celebration is… something he doesn’t quite know how to process."

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⚔ chapter details ⚔

word count: 6.3k

rating: mature

content: snippet into jeon’s head, jeon’s POV, jeon being emo, sad vibes, insomnia, mental health issues, pills, suicide jokes, j-hope being a good friend and also a good doctor, celebrations, booze, female friendships, moon being surprisingly good at mixing drinks

☠ author's note ☠

I can literally HEAR all your "I can fix him" screams from here and honestly? SAME. I, too, want to fix the emotionally constipated sniper who probably sleeps with his combat boots on (￣ω￣)

Here's the thing—I started this whole endeavor thinking I'd stick strictly to the protagonist's POV. Very tunnel vision, very "we only know what she knows" vibes. But then Jeon's broody ass started living rent-free in my head and I was like... fuck, I want to show what's happening in that disaster brain of his too???

I'm sure you know the feeling. When reading, you just NEED to know what the hell is going on behind those cold eyes and that jaw that could cut glass. But it gets tricky, especially when you're trying to do this whole slow reveal thing without dumping too much info at once.

And trust me, the character of Jeon is like a cocktail made by a bartender who's having an existential crisis—way too many conflicting ingredients, definitely going to give you a hangover, but you're still going to drink it because you hate yourself. Or love pain. Or both.

So I decided to include snippets of his POV sometimes. It feels necessary—some conversations need to happen when our protagonist isn't there, and some emotional baggage needs unpacking for you readers to understand what's actually going on (like back in chapter 2 when we got that glimpse into his head).

Now, I'd love to ask for your opinion on this whole POV-switching business, but let's be real—this story is pretty much gonna be completed by the time you're reading this author's note. So... I'm just gonna trust my chaotic writer instincts on this one.

And if you don't like getting glimpses into Jeon's beautiful disaster of a mind? Well... you're gonna like it today anyway (•̀ᴗ•́)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

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tumblr/twitter: @jungkoode

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

Jungkook doesn't do sweets. Never has.

His world operates in darker shades, tactical operations and precise calculations. Sweetness belongs to a different universe—one of bright colors and soft edges that he left behind long ago.

Sometimes a piece of candy appears in his pocket, usually after a meeting with JM who keeps bowls of them everywhere. He'll unwrap it absently, the crinkle of plastic echoing in his quiet office. Let it dissolve on his tongue while reviewing mission reports. The initial sweetness isn't unpleasant, stirring something old and forgotten in his chest.

But it never lasts.

The sugar becomes too much, coating his mouth like an unwelcome invasion.

Cloying.

Suffocating.

He usually tosses the rest, wondering why he even bothered.

Lately though, something's changed.

He finds himself reaching for vanilla cookies in the cafeteria. Ordering cardamom tea instead of his usual black coffee. Small impulses he can't explain, like his body's searching for something his mind hasn't caught up to yet.

And now?

Now the clock reads 4:16 AM.

It's yet another night of minimal sleep—three and a half hours if he's being generous. The neon numbers mock him from his bedside table, surrounded by an array of pills that could probably tranquilize an elephant.

All prescribed by J-Hope.

All increasingly useless.

Benzos. Narcotics. Nothing touches the corners of his insomnia anymore.

He's been fighting with his sheets for the past hour, tangled evidence of another failed attempt at rest. The black covers pool around his feet like spilled ink. His bedroom surrounds him in familiar darkness—walls painted to absorb light rather than reflect it, matching the void that lives behind his ribs.

The king-sized bed stretches out like empty territory, conquered by nothing but restless thoughts and the occasional phantom of memory. His room is a fortress built of clean lines and minimal decoration, a cell of his own design where even the shadows know better than to dance.

But lately, even this usually comforting solitude feels... different. Like something's missing. Something warm and sweet that he can't quite name.

Jungkook steps into the cold, the floor a shock against his bare feet. The shadows stretch across his bedroom, making the space feel hollow and vast at 4 AM. His movements are silent—years of training making even his insomnia graceful.

The lounge area of his wing feels abandoned. Empty sofas and tables wait like props on a stage, missing their usual cast of lieutenants and strategists. During the day, this space buzzes with mission plans and tactical discussions. Now it's just him and the quiet.

He closes the door to his wing, crossing into the neutral territory of the entrance hall. It's the DMZ between his domain and V's—a thought that makes his head hurt. Even at this hour, he can feel the shift in energy.

V's presence lingers here like a bad taste.

The access card feels heavy in his hand. A small piece of tech that reminds him of his rank, his responsibilities. AD's security system responds with a soft beep, elevator doors sliding open on silent tracks. He steps in, presses the button for the common area. It's not his usual haunt—too exposed, too public—but lately he's been drawn there.

The descent gives him time to think. His mind drifts between fragments of nightmares and that strange, persistent craving for sweetness. It's been haunting him for weeks now, this urge for vanilla and cardamom.

For chai and spices.

Maybe his brain is trying to balance out the bitterness that fills his days, or maybe he's finally losing it.

The elevator announces his arrival with a quiet ding. The corridor stretches before him, dark and empty. Somewhere down there is the snack area, and maybe, if he's lucky, a moment of peace.

He moves towards the corridor. Posters and artwork splash color across the cream walls—a jarring contrast to his stark quarters. He never quite understood the need for decoration, but the members insist on making the space "lived in." Whatever that means.

After 3 minutes, the common lounge sprawls before him, so different from his wing's militant precision. Here, rank means little. Divisions blur. The high ceiling should make the space feel cold, but somehow it doesn't. Maybe it's the worn leather sofas or the gaming consoles scattered about like abandoned toys.

The air smells of polish and something unknown yet weirdly tranquil—comfort, maybe.

He pushes that thought away.

Vending machines hum quietly in the snack area. Behind the glass, rows of sweets beckon. His eyes linger on a vanilla protein bar, then drift to some cardamom cookies. The craving hits again, piercing and mercilessly insistent.

But he's not alone.

AD slouches in a puff chair, bathed in the blue light of his game screen. His face twisted in its usual scowl, fingers jabbing at buttons with unnecessary force.

The sight stirs something in Jungkook's chest—regret, maybe.

Or guilt.

Both emotions he'd rather not examine.

Their eyes meet. The air grows heavy. Unspoken words. Shared trauma.

The gaming console beeps softly. AD's character dies on screen. The silence that follows feels like an accusation.

Jungkook notes the way AD's blonde hair glints in the dim light as his eyes snap to Jungkook. His fingers still on the controller, body shifting into something more guarded, more alert.

Jungkook feels his muscles tense automatically. The late-night sugar craving fades to background noise as AD's frosty stare pins him in place.

Like a fucking needle cutting into skin.

His hand hovers over the door handle, and he can't decide whether to stay or retreat. There's too much history here, too many buried regrets—and AD's presence brings it all rushing back—memories Jungkook would rather keep locked away with his other nightmares.

He immediately clocks the way AD's face contorts—sharp and bitter—and it makes Jungkook's chest tighten with familiar remorse.

The younger man has never quite forgiven him.

Probably never will.

Just as Jungkook decides to leave, to return to the safety of his isolation, AD's voice slices through the silence.

"No need for you to scurry off." The words barely mask the hostility underneath. "Was about to leave anyway."

Jungkook forces his shoulders to relax, though his jaw remains tight. Their paths cross rarely these days, and when they do, it's always like this—loaded silences and measured distance.

AD sets the controller down. Sharp. Angry. His movements are stiff as he rises, radiating enmity in waves that fill the common room. The scent of fresh lemons—AD's signature—grows stronger as he approaches.

But Jungkook doesn't move.

Doesn't flinch.

He deserves this, after all. This anger, this hostility, this remorse that reminds him of betrayals he can never make right.

The collision comes swift and deliberate—AD's shoulder slamming into his with force. The impact jolts through Jungkook's body, but the physical pain is nothing compared to the guilt that floods his system. His throat tightens with dusty apologies he knows AD would never accept.

He watches him stride away, the blonde's back rigid with years of accumulated anger. The sound of his footsteps fades down the corridor, leaving Jungkook alone with the quiet hum of the vending machines and his own thoughts.

There was a time when AD looked up to him, when their dynamic was different—better. Now all that remains is this bitter aftermath, this chasm Jungkook carved with his own choices. The memory of who they used to be makes the present cut deeper.

The gaming console's screen still glows, enhancing AD's absence in the empty chair he left behind. The 'GAME OVER' message blinks mockingly. Jungkook's fingers twitch, remembering late nights spent teaching AD new gaming strategies, back when trust wasn't such a foreign concept between them.

He should feel angry at the shoulder check; at the constant hostility that feels like a reprimand.

But all he feels is hollow.

Empty.

Because how can he blame AD for hating him when he did this? When he destroyed something irreplaceable with decisions he can never take back?

He can't help but stare down the empty corridor where AD disappeared, the bitter taste of their encounter lingering longer than he'd like. His craving for sweetness feels almost desperate now—a childish attempt to wash away the guilt that gnaws at his chest.

His throat tightens. He swallows hard, trying to maintain the aloofness expected of Kkangpae's deadliest sniper.

But it's hard, when AD's hostility has cracked something open inside him, letting old memories seep through like poison.

The vending machines hum quietly, offering a welcome distraction. He scans the selection without really seeing it, until—

Croissants.

Something shifts in his stomach at the sight of those packaged pastries. They're nothing like the fresh ones from the cafeteria, the ones you always grab during breakfast. Not that he's been watching. It's just that you're always there when he is, picking up one of those flaky pastries along with your coffee.

He's noticed, despite himself, how early you arrive to snag them before they run out. Same time as him, though his early mornings are spent running from nightmares rather than hunting down breakfast.

The memory of your routine feels oddly grounding after his encounter with AD. It's something simple, predictable.

Unlike the mess of guilt and regret that follows him through these halls at night.

It's a strange comfort, this knowledge of your habits.

One he doesn't understand.

One he probably doesn't deserve.

The scent of fresh lemons still lingers in the air, like a ghost of bridges burned and trust fractured. But as Jungkook stares at those artificially-made croissants, he finds himself thinking of chai tea instead.

He tears his gaze away, scanning other options until he spots a nutty protein bar. Practical. Sensible. The kind of choice the Chief of Tactical Assassinations should make.

He jabs at the keypad hastily, and then, the machine whirs and drops his selection with a dull thud.

The wrapper crinkles in his grip as he retrieves it. Such a simple thing—choosing a late-night snack. No one gets hurt. No trust gets broken. No consequences ripple through the gang's hierarchy.

Just him and a protein bar at 4 AM.

The common room feels different now that AD's gone. Quieter. Jungkook lets himself breathe, really breathe, for what feels like the first time since AD's shoulder slammed into his.

He should feel worse, probably. Should let the weight of past betrayals and broken friendships crush him like they usually do. But something about this moment—this stupid protein bar in his hand, the quiet of the room, the lingering thought of croissants and early mornings—makes everything feel a bit lighter.

His lips almost twitch into what could be a smile. It's weird, this tiny bubble of something in his chest. Almost like contentment. He doesn't examine it too closely, afraid it might shatter.

The corridors don't feel as suffocating as he makes his way back to his wing. The shadows seem less interested in reminding him of his sins.

For now, in this small hour between night and dawn, he allows himself this moment of peace.

He probably doesn't deserve it. But for once, he takes it anyway.

Jungkook stares at his lunch without really seeing it.

The cafeteria bustles around him, but he's carved out his own bubble of silence at the far end of a long table. It's better this way—no small talk, no pretending to care about division gossip.

His chopsticks push a piece of fish back and forth across his plate. The encounter with AD keeps replaying in his mind, each memory tasting bitter like the coffee he's been nursing for the past hour. Some wounds, he's learning, don't heal with time. They just scab over, waiting to be picked open again.

And then, a tray clatters across from him.

J-Hope drops into the seat, his white medical coat slightly rumpled from what's probably been a busy morning in the infirmary. The doctor's eyes scan Jungkook's face with scrutiny, his mouth pulling into that familiar worried frown.

"You look like shit," J-Hope announces, ever the picture of bedside manner. "Two hours of sleep? Maybe less?"

Jungkook shrugs, still focused on mutilating his fish. "Don't count anymore."

"Those new meds I gave you—" J-Hope starts, unwrapping his sandwich with more force than necessary. "You're actually taking them, right?"

"They don't work." The words come out flat. "Nothing does."

"Jesus christ," J-Hope mumbles through a bite of sandwich. "Have you tried, I don't know, taking them before you spend six hours staring at your ceiling? Maybe with some tea?"

The concern in J-Hope's voice makes something twist in Jungkook's chest.

He doesn't deserve this—the worry, the care, any of it.

Not after everything.

But J-Hope is one of the few people who still treats him like a person rather than a cautionary tale, so he tries to sound less dismissive when he responds.

"I don't need a lesson on how to take pills. They just don't work for me."

The doctor sets his sandwich down, eyebrows pulling together. A bit of lettuce falls out. "Look, I know you've built up tolerance, but we need to find something that works. You can't keep going like this."

"I'm fine." He's not, but he doesn't truly care. "Function better on less sleep anyway. More efficient."

"That's bullshit and you know it." J-Hope's voice rises slightly, anger seeping through. "You think I can't see what this is doing to you? The mood swings? The isolation? This isn't healthy, Jungkook."

Jungkook flinches at the use of his real name. "I don't need a lecture. I'm handling it."

"Oh yeah, real healthy coping strategy." J-Hope's scoff holds more concern than mockery. "Just pretend everything's fine while you run yourself into the ground."

Exhaustion weighs heavy on Jungkook's bones. Three hours of sleep and memories of AD's hostility from last night make his tongue looser than usual. "Maybe you should prescribe me your finest benzos. Let me wash them down with vodka. That ought to do the trick."

The slam of J-Hope's palm against the table makes the silverware jump. Several heads turn their way, but Jungkook can't bring himself to care.

"If you want to kill yourself," J-Hope's voice is deadly quiet, trembling with rage, "don't you dare make it my prescription."

The cafeteria suddenly feels too small, too crowded. J-Hope's worry tastes bitter in the back of Jungkook's throat, mixing with guilt he doesn't have the energy to process. He shouldn't have said that—shouldn't have joked about something so dark. But three hours of sleep and a lifetime of regrets make it hard to care about much of anything anymore.

Silence stretches between them. Jungkook stares at his mangled fish, not really eating anymore. He knows what's coming—J-Hope never could leave well enough alone.

The doctor's voice softens, trying a different approach. "Have you considered meditation? Or maybe some calming music? I know a sleep therapist who—"

"I don't need a damn therapist." Jungkook's tongue plays with his lip ring, a nervous habit he can't shake.

The metal tastes bitter, or maybe that's just the exhaustion talking.

Because J-Hope is wrong. Therapy won't fix this. Pills won't fix this. Nothing can erase what happened, what he let happen. Some stains don't wash out, no matter how hard you scrub.

"Look, Jungkook." J-Hope uses his real name again, and his throat constricts uncontrollably. "Ever since what happened with—"

"Don't." The word comes out sharp enough to cut.

J-Hope holds his gaze, unflinching. "You can't keep punishing yourself forever."

"I'm not discussing this." His voice turns to steel, matching the cold weight that's made a home in his chest.

Another sigh from J-Hope as he leans back. "Fine. But you know where to find me when you're ready to actually try and fix this."

Jungkook's jaw clenches so hard it hurts, a muscle jumping under his skin. But he stays quiet. What's the point of arguing when J-Hope doesn't understand?

Some things aren't meant to be fixed.

Some people don't deserve to be.

Jungkook pushes his half-eaten lunch away with a tired sigh. He can feel it coming—the same conversation they have every year.

"So," J-Hope starts, right on cue. "Making an appearance tonight or pulling your usual disappearing act?" He peers at Jungkook over his coffee mug, eyes too knowing for comfort.

"Haven't decided." The words come out clipped, because he feels already exhausted by the mere thought of socializing.

"You should come." J-Hope takes a careful sip. "Might help to interact with actual humans instead of just your rifle for a change."

"I interact plenty." It sounds defensive even to his own ears.

"Glaring at people from across the room doesn't count as interaction." J-Hope's voice is dry as desert sand. "Neither does grunting one-word responses."

Jungkook's tongue finds his lip ring, playing with it absently. "It's just a casual thing. Not mandatory."

"Right, just our leader's rise to power celebration. Totally insignificant." The doctor's sarcasm could cut glass. "Definitely not something a Council member should show face at."

"RM himself said it's not formal."

"Maybe not officially. But you know what it means to everyone else. Especially the newer ones—shows them what we're about, what matters to us."

Newer ones. The words make him hold his breath. He thinks of Yunjin's bright enthusiasm, of your sharp wit. Of how you'll probably be there tonight.

The thought doesn't help him decide whether he wants to go more, or run faster in the opposite direction.

"You seem perfectly capable of handling traditions without me."

"For fuck's sake, Jungkook." The doctor's frustration bleeds through. "This isn't about tradition. It's about you actually being part of the team for once. Don't you ever get tired of the whole lone wolf act?"

Something bitter rises in Jungkook's throat. His tongue presses against his cheek—a habit from childhood he never quite shook.

Silence. He takes a slow breath, measuring his words.

"I'll think about showing up."

It's not a yes, but J-Hope takes what he can get. The doctor's shoulders relax slightly as he leans back, apparently satisfied with even this crumb of compliance.

"Got patients waiting," J-Hope says, collecting his things. The coffee mug scrapes against the tray. "Try to sleep before tonight, yeah?"

Jungkook makes a noncommittal sound, already drifting into thoughts of empty corridors and quiet corners where he won't have to pretend to be social. Where he won't have to see AD's hatred or V's cruel smile. Where he won't have to watch you move through the crowd, chai-scented and d̶i̶s̶t̶r̶a̶c̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ irrelevant.

J-Hope's footsteps fade into the cafeteria buzz, leaving Jungkook alone with his cold coffee and colder thoughts.

Another conversation that changes nothing, fixes nothing.

Just like everything else in his life.

"What?"

The word tumbles out of your mouth before you can stop it.

Smooth, real smooth.

Chaewon snorts, eyes crinkling. "Right, keep forgetting you're still a baby gang member. Tonight's the whole 'RM took over this shitshow' party."

You frown, because seriously? Four months in and you're just now hearing about this? Some Seduction Division recruit you are.

"It's not a big deal," Chaewon adds, probably seeing the confusion on your face. "RM didn't even start it. We just got drunk on the first anniversary and now it's a thing."

Eunchae pops her head between you and Chaewon, her light brown hair tickling your cheek. "Plus, you know. Give gang members an excuse to drink and we'll run with it."

You lean back against the couch, letting your head fall back softly.

Great.

Another Kkangpae tradition you and Yunjin missed the memo on. At this rate, you'll still be the clueless newbies when you're both grey and wrinkled.

"So what, we just show up and get wasted?" you ask, trying to sound casual. Like you're not low-key freaking out about what to wear or how to act around the higher-ups when they're three sheets to the wind.

Chaewon shrugs, picking at her nails. "Pretty much. Some people get all fancy, others come in sweatpants. It's not like RM gives a shit either way."

A flash of bubblegum pink catches your eye. Yunjin shuffles in, hair wrapped in a towel and dripping onto her shoulders. Perfect timing, as always.

"Did someone say alcohol?" She plops down on the sofa arm, water droplets flying everywhere. "Because I'm not playing nurse again tonight."

"That was one time!" Eunchae's voice pitches up in defense. "And that mark needed me to drink!"

Kazuha snorts. "You could've said no."

"To free drinks?" Eunchae spins around, hand on her chest like she's been mortally wounded. "In this economy?"

"She's got a point," Sakura drawls from her sprawl across the couch. Her long legs dangle over the armrest, taking up way too much space.

Yunjin tugs at her towel, rolling her eyes. "Well, don't come crying to me when you're hugging the toilet later."

You can't help but laugh. These idiots are really your team now. "I take it parties get pretty wild around here?"

"Oh honey." Kazuha's lips twitch. "There's a reason strip poker got banned."

"I'm sorry, what?" Your eyes go wide. Because what.

"It was brief but iconic." Eunchae grins, nudging your shoulder. "Sakura tried to slide across a table."

"And I would've made it!" Sakura calls out, not even bothering to lift her head. "That loose board was sabotage, I swear."

"Sure, blame the table." Eunchae turns to you with a conspiratorial wink. "Just wait till you see what happens when someone breaks out the tequila."

You raise an eyebrow, already mentally noting which Council members to avoid when the drinks start flowing.

"Thanks for the warning. I'll stay away from any furniture surfing attempts."

Your teammates' laughter fills the room, and something warm blooms in your chest. It's weird how these chaotic idiots have become your f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶y̶ friends in just four months.

Chaewon leans back, crossing her legs. "Tonight's pretty chill though. Eat, drink, try not to pass out in a bush somewhere."

"Now that's what I'm talking about." Eunchae bounces in her seat like an overexcited golden retriever.

"Open field, 8 PM." Chaewon's voice shifts into what you've dubbed her 'mom tone.' "We're doing BBQ, and there'll be enough booze to knock out a small army. Wear whatever, but bundle up—it gets cold as balls out there."

"That's two hours from now!" Eunchae flops dramatically across the couch. "Two whole hours. I'm starving now."

"Is food literally all you think about?" Kazuha rolls her eyes, but there's fondness in her tone.

"I could think about other things." Eunchae wiggles her eyebrows. "But food's never disappointed me like men do."

You snort at that. She's not wrong. In your four months here, you've learned (mostly from Yunjin's gossip) that Kkangpae men are like a box of chocolates—mostly bitter, occasionally nutty, and always complicated.

The girls dissolve into giggles again, and you find yourself joining in. Maybe it's the promise of alcohol, or maybe it's just the way these dorks make even a deadly criminal organization feel weirdly homey, but you're actually looking forward to tonight.

God help you.

It's 8:10 PM when you finally head out. You went with comfy over fancy—oversized grey hoodie over a white turtleneck, because fuck freezing to death. The thermal lining is probably the best purchase you've made since joining Kkangpae. That, and these loose jeans that actually have functional pockets.

A flash of pink appears in your peripheral vision before Yunjin loops her arm through yours, practically vibrating with enthusiasm.

"Aren't you excited?" She bounces on her toes like a kid with a sugar rush. "I heard these parties are insane!"

You can't help but laugh. Her enthusiasm is s̶w̶e̶e̶t̶ infectious. But the elevator dings before you can respond, doors sliding open to reveal—oh.

V lounges inside, arm draped over JM's shoulders like the Finance Chief is his personal armrest. JM seems unbothered, wearing that patient smile he gets when dealing with V's... everything. His salmon-colored hair looks soft under the elevator lights.

"Ladiessssss!" V draws out the word like he's auditioning for Parseltongue lessons. He shifts to make room, though his arm stays firmly around JM. "Coming to party with us common folk?"

"Free food's free food." You shrug, stepping in beside Yunjin who's still clinging to your arm.

She giggles at your response, squeezing your arm tighter. You catch JM's eye and nod—proper respect for a Council member and all that. He returns it with a warm smile that makes his eyes crinkle behind his round glasses.

The elevator feels smaller with four people, especially when one of them is V taking up space like it's his job. But hey, at least it's not AD. Or worse, J̶e̶o̶n̶ certain other Council members.

"Evening, JM." You smile at him, because it's hard not to. His aura always feels like a warm blanket—the complete opposite of V's chaotic energy.

"Good evening." JM's voice is soft, gentle. "I hope the night finds you well."

"What is this, fucking Shakespeare?" V waves his hand dismissively. "Save the fancy talk for business hours. Tonight's for getting wasted and making bad decisions. Luckily we will be free of certain judgemental stares."

"V." JM's warning comes with a poorly hidden smile.

"What? Just saying what everyone thinks." V grins, all teeth. "Not my fault someone walks around like they've got a steel rod up their ass."

"Pretty sure that's just the natural reaction to dealing with you for years." The words slip out before you can stop them.

"Wow. Wow." V pretends you've stabbed him in the chest. "Already picking sides? And here I thought we were gonna be besties."

You roll your eyes. "Not picking sides. Just speaking from personal experience."

"Brief experience," he corrects, wagging a finger at you. "You haven't seen all my charms yet. I grow on people, like mold."

"That's... not the selling point you think it is."

Finally the metallic doors open to the ground floor. Through the glass gates, you can see the open field where everyone's gathering. The sky's already dark, stars peeking through like tiny paint droplets.

Here goes nothing.

The field buzzes with activity, gang members scattered around like the stars peppered across the night sky. A bonfire crackles in the middle, throwing warm light over everyone's faces. The smell of BBQ makes your stomach growl—you haven't eaten since lunch.

RM's white hair catches the firelight, making him look almost ethereal. It's weird seeing him like this, gesturing animatedly as he talks. The fearsome leader of Kkangpae, actually laughing. Who knew?

Moon hovers by the drinks, playing bartender—although still maintaining his usual polite efficiency. Though tonight his smile seems more genuine, less 'I'm being nice because I'm your superior' and more 'want another beer?'

Jessi and Chaewon huddle together near the fire, probably plotting world domination or sharing gossip. The flames dance in Jessi's red hair while Chaewon leans in close, looking more relaxed than you've ever seen her during training.

V drags JM toward the grill, still attached to him like a very loud, very clingy octopus. "Make way for the master chefs!" he hollers, making JM shake his head with fond exasperation.

Your eyes scan the crowd before you can stop yourself. Looking for broad shoulders in black leather, for silver piercings catching firelight. For that scent of pine and wood that's become way too f̶a̶m̶i̶l̶i̶a̶r̶ noticeable lately.

But Jeon isn't here.

You feel something waver in your chest—disappointment maybe, or just hunger.

Yeah, definitely hunger.

You push the thought away and focus on the party. There's food and alcohol and your friends are here. That's what matters.

Yunjin tugs you toward the bonfire, and god, the warmth feels good after the castle's perpetual AC chill. It's weird seeing everyone so relaxed—like someone hit pause on all the gang politics and murder plots for one night.

You sink onto a log bench, letting the fire chase away the evening cold. The flames bathe everyone in soft gold, making even the most hardened killers look almost n̶i̶c̶e̶ normal for once.

J-Hope appears through the crowd like a ghost in his white medical coat, looking like he's about to collapse. The bags under his eyes have bags of their own, but he's still got that manic energy that keeps him running on fumes and spite.

He drops onto the bench nearby with a groan that sounds like his soul trying to escape. The scent of sandalwood follows him, mixing with woodsmoke.

"Rough day?" you ask, eyeing his very out-of-place doctor getup.

His laugh comes out more like a wheeze. "You could say that." He waves vaguely at his coat. "Didn't exactly get a wardrobe change break."

Yunjin giggles beside you, still clutching your arm like a pink-haired koala.

Your eyes scan the crowd again, definitely not looking for anyone s̶p̶e̶c̶i̶f̶i̶c̶ particular. "Where's the rest of the Council?"

"Well," J-Hope snorts, "AD's busy losing at League of Legends. Says he'll grace us with his presence when he's done raging at his screen."

"And Jeon?" The question slips out. Smooth.

J-Hope answers your question with a nod toward the field entrance. Your eyes follow and—oh.

Jeon strides in with Takama, both of them loaded down with enough meat to feed a small country. The firelight catches on his silver piercings, and fuck, he shouldn't look this good just carrying groceries. Your heart does that stupid little skip thing it's been doing lately whenever he's around.

But it's like... something's different about him tonight. The usual ice-prince vibe is dialed down a notch, replaced by something almost... approachable.

Unapproachably approachable.

Takama actually has him engaged in conversation—a miracle in itself. His shaved head immediately grabs your attention as he says something that makes Jeon relax slightly.

They drop the meat by the grill, and you notice how Jeon's eyes sweep across the crowd. It's quick, casual, but you catch it anyway. There's something searching in his gaze, like he's looking for... well. Probably just checking the perimeter or whatever security shit he does.

You turn back to J-Hope, trying to ignore the warmth in your cheeks. "Even party night comes with duties, huh?"

"That's Kkangpae for you." J-Hope's voice carries a touch of dry humor. "We don't do proper days off here."

He's right. Even now, surrounded by laughter and firelight and the promise of good food, you're all still playing your parts. Though watching Jeon handle those heavy bags like they're nothing makes you think some roles aren't so bad to watch.

Get it together.

You sink deeper into the bench, letting the bonfire's warmth seep into your bones. The sound of laughter and sizzling meat hovers around you; everyone's guard lowered just a fraction under the stars.

Takama then leads Jeon toward the fire, some members sprawled out on the grass around them like lazy cats. The deputy's eyes find yours, his smile genuine—a rare sight in your line of work.

"Ankle doing better?" he asks, and you're touched he remembers.

"All healed up, thanks." You return his smile, because Takama's one of the few higher-ups who actually seems to give a shit about the recruits.

Jeon just nods at you, dark eyes meeting yours for a split second before sliding away. You're starting to notice is his thing—minimal effort, maximum impact. Your skin prickles despite the fire's heat.

The conversation naturally flows around you, mission stories and inside jokes mixing seamlessly even between different divisions. You half-listen, too aware of Jeon's presence at the edge of the group. He pulls out his cigarettes with those r̶i̶d̶i̶c̶u̶l̶o̶u̶s̶l̶y̶ ̶n̶i̶c̶e̶ steady hands, placing one between his pierced lips in a way that makes your mouth go dry.

But before he can light up, J-Hope shoots him a look that could freeze hell. Some silent doctor-patient communication passes between them, and Jeon clicks his tongue, shoving the cigarette back in its pack. Frustration flashes across his face before he quickly shoves it down.

But you catch yourself studying him—the way his fingers fidget with the lighter he can't use, how his jaw clenches when he's annoyed. Little details that paint a picture of the man behind the cold exterior.

Not that you're paying special attention or anything.

Moon's got a nice little bar setup going by the drinks station. You could use something to take the edge off this weird night. So you stand up, already missing the bonfire's warmth whilst stretching your arms above your head.

"Getting drinks," you tell Yunjin, who's deep in conversation with some other recruits. "Want anything?"

Her eyes light up. "Beer, please!"

You glance at Takama, still chatting with his boss. "Beer run. You in?"

"That'd be great, thanks." His smile is genuinely warm.

You look at the doctor—J-Hope's been quiet, watching everything with those too-observant eyes—and ask him too.

"Can I grab you something?"

"I don't drink." His tone is light but final. Like a door closing.

You nod, not pushing it. Your eyes drift to Jeon last, catching him staring into the flames like they hold all life's answers. He meets your gaze for a second, and you'd swear something unreadable flickering across his face before he looks away.

"Whisky on the rocks," he mutters, barely audible over the crackling fire.

You bite back a smile. Of course he drinks whisky. Probably the expensive kind too, the pretentious a̶s̶s̶h̶o̶l̶e̶ guy.

Moon's showing off his bartending skills to an impressed crowd when you approach. Time to see if the Deputy Commander makes drinks as precisely as he runs operations.

His back is turned to you as you approach, mixing something that probably has enough alcohol to knock out a horse. But he moves confidently, like he's done this a thousand times before.

When he finally finishes serving another member, you step up. His serious bartender face melts into something more welcoming.

"What can I get you?" He wipes his hands on a towel, all proper and polite as usual.

"Vodka lemonade for me," you say. "Plus whisky on the rocks and two beers for the others."

He nods, already reaching for bottles. "Coming right up."

You watch him work, impressed despite yourself. "Where'd you learn all this fancy mixing stuff?"

"Been around a while," he chuckles, measuring vodka into a shaker. "It's useful—nothing settles gang politics like a good drink."

"You're really good at this," you say, leaning against the counter. "Like, seriously good."

His hands pause for a split second. A small smile tugs at his lips.

"Thanks. It's an old passion. Actually wanted to open my own bar once—somewhere quiet, away from all..." He gestures vaguely at the chaos around you.

"That's... not what I expected." You watch him pour whisky over ice with perfect precision.

"Life's funny that way." He slices a lemon expertly. "We all had different plans before this. Different dreams. But here we are."

Something in his voice makes you pause—because yeah, it's so easy to forget sometimes that everyone here has a story, a before. Even Moon, with his perfect posture and formal suits, had different dreams once.

The thought sits heavy in your chest as he lines up your drinks. You wonder what dreams everyone else gave up to end up here, in a criminal organization's makeshift bar under the stars.

"What about you?" Moon asks, stirring your drink now. "Got any derailed dreams?"

You consider the question, because it feels surreal to be having this kind of talk with the Deputy Commander—usually conversations here stick to missions and murder plots.

"Pretty sure we all left something behind when we joined." The words come out slower than intended. "Different paths all leading to the same fucked up destination, right?"

Moon hands you the drinks, and his expression is softer. "That's gang life for you. Trade in your old self, get a new family and some trauma in return."

"Any regrets?"

He gets this far-away look, like he's seeing something beyond the makeshift bar. Then he shakes his head.

"Made my choice. Even the darkest paths have their bright spots."

You take the drinks, mentally filing away this unexpectedly deep conversation with Kkangpae's second-in-command. Who knew he had a philosophical side under all that formality?

"Thanks for the drinks. And the..." You gesture vaguely with your chin, since your hands are full. "This whole thing."

His smile actually reaches his eyes this time. "Anytime. Now go before those drinks get warm."

"You joining us later?"

"Once dinner's ready." He's already turning to help another member.

You nod, somehow managing to stuff the beer cans in your hoodie pocket while balancing two glasses. The bonfire calls you back, its warmth promising more interesting conversations ahead.

Though probably none as surprising as this one.

next | index

🔪 taglist 🔪

@cannotalwaysbenight @livingformintyoongi @itstoastsworld @redcherrykook @somehowukook @stutixmaru @chloepiccoliniii @kimnamjoonmiddletoe @rpwprpwprpwprw @jimineepaboya @annyeongbitch7 @mar-lo-pap

no reposts, translations, or adaptations

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alsyia · 6 months ago

Text

Chapter 6/Coralie Death Analysis

What I like about Coralie's death is that it manages to be unexpected, and yet cleverly foreshadowed during the events of Chapter 5 and Chapter 6. The writers try to make you believe that it's Helia who's going to die due to her willingness to "put her life on the line" to ensure the mission's success, and how she feels so inferior to everyone else because she has to work 10 times harder due to her lack of Honkai adaptability. But in the end, Coralie is the one who dies. The same Coralie who was angry when Helia said that they should put their lives on the line for the sake of the mission, the same Coralie who couldn't finish reviewing the records of Dreamseeker's dream because so many people died unnecessarily...I could go on. First of all, I'd like to start with how even if Coralie ends up coming back, the feelings that came about as a result of her death are still very real. The people close to Coralie are going to feel immense sadness because, as far as they're concerned, Coralie is currently dead, and nothing can change that for now. Helia already has terrible self-esteem because she keeps comparing herself to Durandal of all people. Ein has already lost Planck, Joyce, and Karl (they sure like making her suffer smh). The grief felt in the moment when the news was delivered to them will not magically disappear. Now, whether or not defeating Litost and winning the Ten Shus War will somehow change that outcome, that's another matter altogether. I’d be fine with her getting revived as long as the reason is good enough.

With that out of the way, let me try and break down why Coralie's death is pretty impactful, even with how sudden it seemed. Let’s start with Helia's emotions regarding this matter. Helia has serious self-esteem issues. She wants to become like Durandal, which is impossible, and yet she knows it's impossible. She just doesn't want to believe it. Even though she herself knows that she can't possibly become Durandal, Helia keeps belittling herself and calling herself a failure for not somehow achieving Durandal-level feats. As Coralie put it, she's a "stubborn perfectionist who's both incredibly insecure and annoyingly arrogant". This entire chapter was basically about forcing Helia to face the harsh reality that she didn't want to accept. At the end of the chapter, when she finally decides to keep moving forward despite all her failures, the Coralie Incident™️ happens. She most certainly blames herself for Coralie's death. She didn't notice the flying sword (which is fair), but because of that, Coralie paid with her life. Helia is the kind of person who will blame herself for everything. Now that she has lost her most important friend, she'll likely undergo a change in personality. Because as far as she’s concerned, her incompetence will cause everyone close to her harm.

Moving on to my favourite part; Ein's reaction to all of this. How will she react? Although we haven't seen much of their relationship, I think that they both mean a lot to each other. Coralie was abandoned (probably because of her mutations) and Ein took her in, and decided to teach her. As we’ve seen before, Ein doesn’t open up or get close to people that easily. So I feel that adopting Coralie was an important event in her life. So…how will she manage to face the fact that yet another person she loves is dead? Unfortunately, I can only base my speculation off of random snippets we’ve had of Ein reminiscing. Maybe she’ll put on a brave face as always, and throw herself into her research to bury her feelings. But I think that’s lazy and unimaginative. I want Mihoyo to show me Ein being vulnerable for once. I want to see her reaction immediately after she receives the news about Coralie. I want to see her crying by Coralie’s hospital bed…thinking back to the time Coralie asked her if she would save her if she was lying on her deathbed.

This leads me to the scene where Einstein's dog is dying (this scene hurt me. Even Ein didn’t know what to say); where Coralie accuses Ein of not understanding the true meaning of life and death because she's immortal. In reality, this couldn’t be further from the truth, but since Coralie was overwhelmed by emotions because her only friend had just died, I will overlook this cruel sentence (I’m joking, I love Coralie). Even though Coralie only lost a dog that day, and not an actual human being, that dog was probably the closest thing she had to a proper friend (before she met Helia). And it made her start fearing the concept of death.

Here, Coralie getting angry at Helia for wanting to put her life on the line. Helia definitely started to realise how cold Coralie’s attitude towards death is here.

Going back to the dog scene, I just want to quickly point out that Einstein does value human lives, just in case people actually believed what Coralie said.

I’m 99.9% sure Ein was the one who told her this. Even if it was someone else, it doesn’t change the fact that Einstein still takes death very seriously even if she can’t die via natural means. She has lost too many people to not understand how precious life is.

Why would the death of a dog cause Coralie to start fearing death and become interested in immortality you ask? Because it made her realise that death can claim anyone’s life in an instant. That, one day, her time spent with Ein will eventually come to an end. After all, “Pale Death beats equally at the poor man's gate and at the palaces of kings.” (AE VN has such good quotes). Coralie probably looks up to Ein just like Ein looks up to her teacher, Emma Planck. Naturally, Coralie would grow to love the person who adopted and taught her. She even says in her bridge voice lines that the bond of family isn’t due being blood-related, but instead it’s the time spent together.

I didn't grasp Coralie’s attitude towards death initially, because the writers are pretty subtle about it. But there were moments in Chapter 5 where she was interested in immortality for some reason. When Chapter 6 came out, it became clearer. Clearly, Mihoyo thought it’d be very funny for the one who hates and fears death to end up dying.

Coralie wanting immortality foreshadowing

More foreshadowing. Here, it might look like Coralie simply doesn’t want to give up that easily. But in reality, if she went straight to Ruimu, she would lose the opportunity to obtain a Jade Plaque and, in turn, lose the chance to become immortal if she wins.

There is plenty foreshadowing in the two chapters, but this post is already long enough asjbsvjkls.

Anyways, I’m pretty sure Chapter 7 will somehow make me sob even more. (Give me Ein’s reaction please, I’m on my knees)

I shall end this on a wholesome note, so have this white screen with Ein telling Coralie to come watch a movie with her. They should have given us a CG damn it >:(

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading the thoughts of an insane Ein and Coralie fan <33

#coralie 6626 planck #coralie planck #lieserl albert einstein #helia erdos #erdős helia #anti entropy #hi3 #honkai impact 3rd #analysis

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izzyfishie · 2 months ago

Note

Top/fav Sangihun fics? Like I wanna know ur favvv cuz u have good taste :3

I HAVE FINALLY MADE THE MASTERLIST OF MY FAVORITE SANGIHUN FICS!!

here are some ficrecs that i really really enjoyed! (will give word count, a small blurb, genre, etc)

(i did throw mine on here, mainly because i'm proud of it and it has received good reviews, but do not feel obligated to read it, or any of the fics on here! these are all just recommendations.)

> More Than A Game — toricola [link] - word count: 24k - status: completed oneshot - smut-angst-fluff (the whole triad lets fucking go??) / young!sangihun fic! [sang-woo gets drunk and freaks it to gi-hun, which makes things VERY complicated.]

> the irrefutable law of gravity – otterpie [link] - word count: 28k - status: completed oneshot - smut / angst / young!sangihun fic! [sang-woo gets drunk, confesses he's still a virgin, gi-hun offers to take it for him. also jesus christ sang-woo has MENTAL ISSUES.]

-- > fly me to the moon (let’s do it all over again) series – BlueFrogs [link] - word count: 11k , 9k - status: completed oneshot series - angst / timeloop au fic! [after gi-hun and sang-woo end up stuck in a time loop repeating the games over and over again, they have to figure out what they have to do to stop it.]

> House of Cards – calligraphyfont [link] - word count: 5k - status: in-progress multi-chapter (on hiatus rn i think?) - smut / sang-woo lives au fic! [sang-woo survives the first games, they end up making a plan to stop the games together, in-ho fucking hates them. also sangwoo has major BDE.]

> Seven Minutes – toricola [link] - word count: 4k - status: completed oneshot - angst / fluff / young!sangihun fic! [sang-woo and gi-hun do 7 mins in heaven at a party, sang-woo is crushing HARD on gi-hun and doesn't know what to do]

> Why Didn’t You Stop Me? – ksjmarina [link] - word count:- 9k - status: completed oneshot - 5+1 / angst / hurt-comfort fic! [5 times gi-hun held sang-woo! the ending will Kill You™️]

> Home – brokeasf [link] - word count: 14k - status: ongoing multichapter - sang-woo survives au fic! [sang-woo survives, it changes the plot a little bit.]

> Pink in the Night – ksjmarina [link] - word count: 3k - status: completed oneshot -fluff fic with sprinkles of angst! [sang-woo freaks out when he realizes his feelings about gi-hun, him and gi-hun have a little talk.]

> Nobody Calls For Us Anymore – nexusplane [link] - word count: 3k - status: completed oneshot - angst fic! [sang-woo realizes he has feelings for his best friend.]

> Vanish Into You – izzyfishie [link] - word count: 9k - status: ongoing multi-chapter - angst / au fic! [sang-woo, along with other ghosts, haunt and watch gi-hun as he plays in the 2024 games. YES this is my fic hahah]

> Maybe This Time – reddie_as_ill_ever_be [link] - word count: 22k - status: ongoing multi-chapter -au fic with a bit of everything! [sang-woo is put into the second games. also tagged as inhun and sanginho, just a heads up.]

> Blue Crayon – DeutschesMaedchen [link] - word count: 1k - status: completed oneshot - fluff / young!sangihun fic! [gi-hun gives sang-woo a crayon, he keeps it for the rest of his life.]

> Tonight – toricola [link] - word count: 3k - status: completed oneshot - fluff / smut fic! [first kiss and they get freaky idk what else to tell you]

> Headlock – rosie2424 [link] - word count: 5k - status: completed oneshot -angst / smut fic! [gi-hun gets married, sang-woo gets sad and drunk, they end up freaking it on gi-hun's wedding night.]

> Reach – Anonymous [link] - word count: 44k - status: completed multichapter - angst / hurt comfort / au fic! [gi-hun and sang-woo leave the games and have to build their lives back up.]

> his hand – otterpie [link] - word count: 9k - status: abandoned multi chapter [?] - angst / fluff fic! [five snippets of their lives together. lots of symbolism with gi-hun and sang-woo's hands.]

> In other words, darling, kiss me — rainingallthetime [link] - word count: 1k - status: completed oneshot - dubcon warning! / very angry smut fic [they get freaky in the bathroom before the dinner idk what else to tell you. also this is the first ever sangihun fic posted]

> out of time — moominii [link] - word count: 2k - status: - angst / fluff fic! [multiple short little snippets of gi-hun and sang-woo's conversations.]

> radio silence — callaita [link] - word count: 8k - status: completed oneshot - angst / hurt-comfort / canon-divergent au fic! [gi-hun finds sang-woo after his suicide attempt. also 218 kudos at the time of posting this yayay!!]

-- > am i gonna feel this way 4ever? – strawhobii [link] - word count: 1k - status: completed oneshot - fluff fic! [gi-hun offers to be sang-woo's first kiss!]

> Silver Lotus – Fatherfungus [link] - word count: 4k - status: completed oneshot - angst / young!sangihun fic! [a countdown of the last week until sang-woo leaves for SNU.]

> Tutor – nexusplane [link] - word count: 1k - status: completed oneshot - young!sangihun fic! [gi-hun and sang-woo do some studying, and sang-woo is suffering from a bad case of In-Love-With-Best-Friend-itis.]

> My heart has strings, and you’re pulling all of them. – Bee_Zee91 [link] - word count: 17k - status: completed multi-chapter - slice of life / canon-divergent au fic! [they make it out of the games! very nicely written fix-it fic.]

i hope you enjoyed these recommendations!! this took Forever to make i stfg

#squid game #squid game fic #seong gi hun #cho sang woo #sangihun #sangihun fic #674 #218 x 456 #seong gi hun x cho sang woo #ficrecs #squizzy rambles #answered asks

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ebonysplendor · 5 months ago

Text

Fallen Devotion (DEMO) Review 🔔🏍️

TL;DR: "We're gonna be best friends forever, right?" "Mmm, I dunno. You get kind've annoying sometimes." "That was a trick question. You will literally never be rid of me. Even if I die, I'll haunt you." "All right, all right; yes, we'll be best friends forever. I was just joking lol." "Lol yeah...but I wasn't." "What? o_o" "What? :)"

Game Link: https://billetdoux.itch.io/fallen-devotion

Notable Features: Self-Insert, Yandere LI, Supernatural LI, Selectable skin tone, Selectable Pronouns, Multiple Endings Spiciness: 0/5 -- No spiciness here! unfortunately But! He does give us a little hug, which was really nice :) LI Red Flags: 1.75 / 5 -- History of stalking and kidnapping. He's not much of a threat, right now...at least towards us.

Wanna know more? Nah. Not if you aren't at least 18, you don't. Frankly, you shouldn't even be on my page, because I am no where near child friendly. Oh, you're over 18? Well shit! Let's get into it!

I was so excited about this game demo dropping. I was so excited about this game demo dropping. I was so excited about this game demo dropping. I was so excited about this game. demo. dropping. You hear me?

Like, the moment I saw the LI I was just-- those of you who have been rocking with me for a while know that I have a massive thing for alt style men, and baby, when I saw him, it was wraps. I had been crushin' on that man since I saw the initial screenshot on Tumblr.

Anyways, thirstin' aside, I'm super excited to tell you about this one, because so much went down in the demo. Now, am I gonna tell everything that went down? No. But, what I am gonna do is tell you as much as possible without ruining the game itself. Trust me; you're gonna wanna give this a try for yourself after I give you a snippet of what's going down, and bro, shit is going down.

So boom.

Our bestie -- well, ex-bestie -- is dead.

That's already a lot going on in that one sentence, right? Nah, it goes farther than this.

Basically, it started -- at least today -- from us waking up from having a dream. Actually, scratch that, because it more like a nightmare at this point, and it's happened multiple times this week alone. What makes it a nightmare, though, is that it's always about our best friend, but no longer best friend, but not because he's dead, ex-best friend.

Like always, we try to brush it off as best as we can and head into work for some much needed sense of normalcy and, frankly, some grounding. It should really be noted that these frequent nightmares are really starting to wear down on us, though. Now, why is that?

Because, now, we're starting to hallucinate -- ...lmao -- random text messages and attributing random scribbled notes to his hand writing and ish because of it. Like, we seriously thought we saw the man's bike outside of our workplace. The sleep deprivation is real, ya feel me?

"Lol, nah, that's not why. It's because you're trying to act as if the guy never even existed. Did you ever think that maybe the universe or whatever is tryna tell you something? Because, if I was him, I'd be haunting your ass. ...You look a mess by the way lmao. You own a mirror or nah?"

ಠ_ಠ

Leave it to our co-worker to be brutally honest with us. It's almost as if the comment about us clearly trying to forget our best friend, but no longer best friend, let alone non-living ex-best friend wasn't enough. Despite that though, we know that the comment is from a place of care, because we really have been trying our absolute damnedest to drown out all memories and feelings associated with our ex-bestie. It was so bad to the point where we hadn't even gone to the guy's funeral. You noticed how I haven't even told you his name? Yeah, it's that real of an issue.

Now, this whole thing escalates when these first-year college kids come in talking about something called "soul ties". We don't have anything better to do so we unintentionally but intentionally eavesdrop for plot purposes. So, uh, that whole "soul tie" thing that they were talking about? It's basically how, if someone dies and they still have some unresolved stuff from their living days, they can just kinda bunk with someone who they were close to, because, apparently, it's way easy to communicate through their dreams.

(⊙_⊙;)

Well...talk about awkward, because if that's not exactly related to what we're going through right now. Did we hallucinate that ish, too?

Just on the off chance that it wasn't a hallucination this time -- "this time" lmao -- and is one of those signs from the universe that our coworker was going on about, guess what we did when we got home? Hit up the Goo-gley. Nah, I'm kidding...well, only slightly. We actually did search it up on Google, but our laptop kind've crapped out on us, so we didn't get super far.

Actually, I lowkey lied again. See, our laptop crapping out wasn't a coincidence. As soon as our laptop went "😵", a message came up like "Always looking for answers, but never asking the source. That's crazy...". So, now, we're lowkey gaslighting ourselves because ain't no way that's real, right? But it's like...that's clearly 1000% real.

"Will you let me in...?"

(⊙⁄ ⁄ ⁄﹏ ⁄ ⁄ ⁄⊙)

...I mean, shiiiiiiit, when you look like that, I just might, ya feel me?

But should we is the question.

Friends...Squad...the demo came out so good, y'all.

Holy hell, this demo came out so. friggin'. good. I felt things. I felt emotion. I felt anticipation. I felt delulu. Like, damn, why'd our (ex) best friend have to die?! But it's like, the how? Like, ah, the drama!

But no, this really was damn good. Those of you that have been rocking with me know that I get slutty for art style and CGs -- I frickin' loved the art style. Like, it was just so visually pleasing to look at. Shit, Clive -- that was his name by the way lmao -- was visually pleasing to look at, you know what I'm saying? Like, y'all see this?

Like, disrespectfully, speak for yourself MC, because he sure as hell is my type 𖹭 ...visuals wise, at least.

Speaking of things being visually pleasing to look at, can we please talk about our coworker Dariel? Look at him!

The way that the dev drew this healthy (I think) Black man! Actual tears. I love when people draw Black people with Black hair styles. Like, that man's hair is thiquxe. That man has a dedicated wash day. That man uses gyah damn shea butter and coconut oil daily. Like, dude, fucking pop off. I always appreciate diversity in a game, especially when it's done so right.

But anyways, the pacing was phenomenal. Like, the way that it gives you just enough information and just enough "Oh, he ain't wrapped too tight" and just enough trauma and just enough drama and just enough backstory--!! The way that the dev put all of that together was so--!! Bro, I'm in love. Like, I am so excited for the rest of this game to drop. Like, yo, how far is he about to go? Because y'all don't know yet, because I didn't tell you, but like...bro, anybody would be pissed in that scenario, but it's like...Clive is a yandere LI, so that's a different type of pissed for him. What I'm basically getting at is: What is Clive Donovan -- fun fact that's his last name. I didn't know until I was tagging it lol -- capable of?

This is honestly another Perfect Love -- y'all remember that review? --scenario. I could honestly drone on and on and do an unplanned 60+ minute powerpoint presentation on this game and how much I love it, but I will spare you that. What I won't spare you is the pressure I'm applying for you to play this game for yourself. I really hope I'm not overhyping it, but I thought it was really, really, really good, and I am excited for you to experience that for yourself; I need you to experience that for yourself. I mean, the link is right here. Just give it a little clicky click. Hell, while you're there, tell the dev "Hey. There was some chick on the internet foaming at the mouth over this game. I now understand. You're really good at doing the thing, so...keep doing the thing!". Monetary support is always appreciated as well, so if you're in the place to do so, give them that extra "Thank you".

That's not really all from me, because, like I said, I could keep going, but I'm going to stop it there. Highly suggested to give this game a try, but remember, it's just a demo. Don't get invested to the point where you wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and start obsessively checking the dev page every 2 hours for an update...I'm totally not speaking from experience, by the way. That'd be...silly. ...ANYWAYS!

Here's the link to the game once again, here's a link to the dev's tumblr page, and, dude, biggest preesh for getting this far, because I do tend to yap a lot. I'm glad you stuck it out with me, and we could hang out for a bit.

Please, remember to drink water, don't be dumb, and hope to see you around~!

Bro, Clive really does look good, like I want him to wife me up so bad...

Fallen Devotion (Demo)

Dev's Tumblr

#yandere vn #yandere boy #yandere visual novel #male yandere #visual novel #yandere #yande.re #visual novel review #vn review #yandere visual novel review #fallen devotion #fallen devotion vn #fallen devotion visual novel #fallen devotion vn review #fallen devotion visual novel review #fallen devotion clive #fallendevotionvn #fallendevotion #clivedonovan

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tozettastone · 5 months ago

Text

2024 Fic Review

Tagged by @voxofthevoid.

I didn't think I was gonna do this one because of how long it seemed, but day to day, I mostly just use my stats page to compare public bookmarks to total bookmarks, so this was an interesting exercise in making me actually look at any of these stats.

Stats stuff

1. How Many Words I Wrote in 2024:

134,246

2. My Top 5 Fics by Hits:

This was interesting — I don't think I've ever looked at my hit counters before.

Deadbeat. (https://archiveofourown.org/works/56638825)

Say Uncle (https://archiveofourown.org/works/57702268)

Thicker Than Water (https://archiveofourown.org/works/58122280)

Other Reasons To Hate Uchiha Itachi (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53127385)

In Progress (https://archiveofourown.org/works/60802894)q

With the exception of In Progress, these are ALL Naruto OC & Akatsuki fics, haha. That's my brand right now, I guess.

3. My Most Bookmarked Fic:

It was Deadbeat. It has 423 public bookmarks but 619 in total, which is almost triple the next most bookmarked fic of the year. Huh.

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Question Stuff

1. What was the most surprising thing about writing in 2024?

Well, now that I'm looking at the statistics page, it's gotta be how well-liked In Progress is? I don't know, I don't usually look at kudos or anything (except to admire it if it's a palindrome!) so I didn't really realise... It's a 5K word one-shot Bleach fic that's basically time travel trope puree, because I skimmed most of the time travel tag and wanted to write something short and fun. I'm glad people seem to have liked it but I'm a little surprised.

2. What was the most enjoyable to write?

Probably Sweat Equity. Sweat Equity happened because an anon sent me a prompt and it was a banger. I wrote it in one sitting while I was in Bologna, sitting in a park beneath a tree that was almost certainly older than my whole city. It was nice.

3. Which fic is the most underrated?

Nailed It. Listen, I am not complaining. I understand why other people didn't love it like I did: it's high context and a stupid pairing, and I reckon MANY of the people who got a notification —for a Deidara/Madara fic that was already a spin off of some other unfinished soulmate AU fic! — were like "Ummm, what the fuck, Tozette, I'll pass."

I see you, you are so right, and that is a valid choice.

But also, I raise you: every character in that fic is terrible and it made me laugh.

4. Which fic(s) had something "cut" or an idea that never happened?

This bleach fic, which I may yet manage to clean up and archive for a little one shot eventually.

It never got off the ground because of fundamental incompatibility issues. Irreconcilable differences are grounds for divorce, etc etc. Can't be helped.

5. Which fic(s) did you want to write but didn't get around to?

I would have liked to have finished Where The Heart Is before I started writing like 5 different Bleach fics all at once, actually.

6. Any WIPs that never got published?

Goodness me, yes. Three Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto) fics, a long form Ishida/Szayel (Bleach) fic, a new fic in my Murakami Madeline series (Naruto — that's Where The Heart Is), an Urahara/Ichigo/Urahara (Bleach) fic, an Akatsuki Time Travel Ensemble (Naruto) fic...

There are probably more.

7. Share a snippet from a WIP fic?

Here's something from my draft of Where The Heart Is:

"Your friend won't look me in the face, senpai," complained Tobi. "Isn't that too suspicious?" Maddie managed not to twitch but it was a near thing. She had absolutely no desire to look Uchiha Obito right in his sharingan eye. "It would be suspicious if she wanted to look at you!" Deidara snapped. Dramatically, he turned away from Tobi. "Stop following me everywhere! Hm!" "We're partners, though," Tobi responded, totally unconcerned by the honestly staggering amount of disdain Deidara could cram into one sentence. "Senpai, don't you want to spend time with me?" Tobi teetered forward and around so he could angle his bright orange mask up at Deidara's face. A shard of ceramic scraped on the stone floor underfoot. "Eh?" He looked down and spotted the broken pieces of Maddie's ugly ex-teapot. "Ah! Senpai, is it yours?" "Is it—?" Deidara's face contorted. "What are you trying to say?" Worse, his volatile chakra also contorted into a flicker of intense killing intent. Maddie's hearts kicked into their highest gear.

8. Which fic was the one you were most excited to write?

Hmm. Interesting to have this as a question distinct from which was most enjoyable to write. Excitement...

Maybe Deadbeat?

Deadbeat was one of those fics that kind of happened to me while I was reading a lot of OC romance fics I didn't like very much and thinking about how I could write a Kakuzu one that I liked instead. Since it's not a romance you can only imagine how well that went! But I ended up liking it a lot better and writing all of it over a weekend in a scrambling little frenzy.

9. Fic hopes for the New Year?

I've got some WIPs to work on. I'd like to get Where The Heart Is (Naruto, Murakami Madeline (OC) fic), Plan C (Bleach, time travel, IchiIshi) and Open Season (Bleach, Grimmichi) posted.

Ideally, I would also like to hopefully get the other two Bleach fics drafted at least — the Urahara/Ichigo/Urahara one with the time travel and the romantic parasitism and the Ishida/Szayel one.

I hope my tolerance for the fandom lasts long enough to see me through, lol. We'll see!

I'm cursing @mixelation and @redflagshipwriter with this tag meme because they might enjoy it. But if anyone wants to do this one and hasn't been tagged, tell everyone I tagged you. :P

#tag meme #my fic

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aihoshiino · 1 year ago

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chapter 146 thoughts

This chapter (and thus this chapter review) contains discussion of abuse, suicidal ideation and CSA, so if you're not in the headspace for that, skip this one and I'll see you next time.

we are so oshi no back

After last chapter left me fighting for my life to come up with literally anything to say about it, this was one of those chapters where I ended up having more and more to say about it the more I turned it over in my head. It still feels a bit disjointed and has that same issue of ripping through the events of the movie way too fucking fast that the arc as a whole has been having lately but this chapter was such a breath of fresh air I can't bring myself to care.

The chapter itself is more or less split in two, with one half dedicated to 15 Year Lie's in-universe events and the other focusing a bit on Aqua and Kana for, tbh, the first time in way too long. Admittedly, my enthusiasm for 15YL has waned given the reveal of just how much of it is completely made up but like. I'm still gonna over analyze this stuff. Sunk cost fallacy, don't fail me now!!!!

I joke, but the 15YL section of this chapter was legitimately bone chilling. That barrage of cuts following Uehara's attack on Airi…. fuuuuuuuck, man.

Airi herself is pure fucking poison this chapter too and I mean it in the best way. I continue to be incredibly impressed with how OnK understands the motivations of a person like Airi what her abuse of Hikaru is really about. When discussing this in 141, Miyako points out just how often victims of abuse can themselves go on to perpetuate their own pain out of a need to try and regain their dignity, but I think what Airi seeks in her abuse of Hikaru is control. We see how often she wields her power over him while pretending that he has as much agency as she does in their """relationship""" and it's repeated here, too; she throws the results of her own sexual abuse of him in his face as a way of permanently chaining the two of them together, all while tearing down his worth as a person as if to 'prove' he deserves to be trapped in her grasp. I've said before that Akasaka is unsettlingly good at writing toxic mothers but I think Airi has made it pretty clear that Akasaka understands and is thus excellent at writing abuse and abusers in general, and for someone like me who counts that as one of their favourite Themes (tm) in fiction, I feel quite well fed.

The abuse Airi hurls at him is also interesting from a perspective of paralleling Hikaru even further with Ai. We saw snippets of this in 140, of Hikaru characterizing himself as someone desperately trying to construct a version of himself that can be loved by others the same way Ai creates 'Ai of B-Komachi', a version of herself who can give and receive love in the way she thinks her authentic self is unable to. Airi puts this into more explicit words; Hikaru must construct this fake version of himself because there is no 'real' him and thus, he is inherently unlovable. Jesus Christ.

Knowing those words were swimming around in his head, it makes the HKAI scene that follows even more of a gutpunch than it already is. It's the most wonderful kind of miscommunication tragedy - with their respective traumas, there is basically no other way a talk like that could have gone and yet it's agonizing to see it play out. Ai's innocent cruelty in the face of Hikaru's pain and her suffocating smile… the worst part is, while I completely understand why this was so shattering for Hikaru, it's impossible to miss that this was, in a way, an expression of love from Ai; it was honesty, an admission of vulnerability. She herself even says she doesn't want to lie to him. But to Hikaru, what else could that have sounded like but a confirmation of his most godawful fear?

that said. the timeline here is very confusing. this seems to imply hkai were still dating all the way up to the murder-suicide, which seemed to be just before the dome concert but did the breakup really seem that recent during their phone call?? this whole timeline is penised beyond repair.

The art in this chapter in general is incredibly good but something in particular I want to highlight is how much and how often Aqua-as-Hikaru looks like Ai in these panels. I can't put my finger on what it is, but that similarity always makes me feel so warm and sad whenever I see it. For as much as he struggles with his relationship to her, Aqua really is his mother's son through and through.

and. man. what even is there to say about that scene in the rain and everything that follows. I was't sure if the murder/suicide was going to be featured in the movie but even the brief snippet of it that we got and that barrage of scene titles and Kamiki's silent scream… whoof. shit like this makes me really hope we get to see mengo illustrate a horror manga someday because i think she would absolutely kill it.

We cut back to reality to see Aqua reading the script and in perhaps the most interesting swerve in this chapter, we see that he has once again reverted to his double black hoshigans. And uh, am I going to sound like a terrible person if I say I'm really glad for this? LOL.

Obviously I would rather Aqua not be experiencing Suicidal Ideation (Bass Boosted) 24/7, but it's kind of a relief to see that one single conversation wasn't enough to totally shake Aqua out of that headspace. I've talked a lot about how frustrating I find it that 'Ruby finds out Aqua is Gorou' is treated as the finale to her black hoshigan arc and every ongoing thread, internal and external, attached to it was dropped like a rock with no further interrogation. It robbed Ruby of the opportunity for some really important growth and, imo, was just shitty for Kana and Memcho who were treated extremely poorly by her and got no apology for it. I was really worried this would be the case for Aqua as well and that his own dip into that rancid headspace would end on a wet fart which would really sting given just how little insight we've gotten into him this arc. But this chapter makes it clear that while some cracks have started to form in his armor, he's not in the clear just yet.

i mean, even if he was permanently back to one white star, aqua is such a little freak regardless………………………….

What this means in the long term is a little hard to pin down, both because we've had so little insight into Aqua's headspace this arc and because the exact nature of black hoshigan as a symbol has always been a little Calvinballed, but in this context and for Aqua specifically, I think we can read this as his conviction in the messy endgame of his revenge play being shaken up. I, personally, have been reading the black hoshigan as of late as an expression of the sort of futureless despair that can become suicidal ideation, at least for Aqua; since immediately after Ai's death, we have gotten incredibly strong hints that Aqua is suicidal, his guilt-fueled desire to die and his desperate want to experience a happy future at war within him. He more or less explicitly says as such in 106, expressing that this break in their relationship is necessary for Ruby to be able to live on 'after he's gone' - which strongly implies that Aqua's revenge play is intended to end with his death.

Knowing that Ruby is Sarina wasn't quite enough to shake his conviction, but their talk in 143 was. I do think Ruby just giving him some straightforward affirmation was a good starting point but I also can't help but wonder, with the context that his white stars were not indicative of a permanent change, if hearing just how deeply Ruby still relies on 'Gorou's' presence in her life struck a nerve for him. Paraphrasing her from 143, she straight up says Gorou is the one who gives her life meaning. And if that's how it is, what exactly will happen if he's gone again..?

Obviously this is all still speculation because even when I am begging on hand and knee Akasaka is refusing to give us Aqua introspection but at this point I have to make a guess at SOMETHING if i am going to say anything remotely coherent about aqua in this arc, so

ANYWAY!! AQUA AND KANA HAVING A NORMAL ASS CONVERSATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN GOD KNOWS HOW LONG!!! Ngl, it did give me a bit of a chuckle to see Kana voice the question of whether Aqua was getting too immersed in his role, given that people were accusing her of that back during the first round of the RBKN conflict.

I was also really surprised to see Aqua just outright say that yeah, he is at least flirting with suicidal ideation. Like - that's the first time he's said that out loud, to anybody??? In 143 he voices the less damning but still not great sentiment that he feels guilty for being alive but this is to my knowledge the first time Aqua has expressed his suicidal ideation out loud, let alone to anyone else. And… fuck, man! That's an absolutely terrifying thing to hear a friend say. No wonder Kana reacts like she does.

Because of my powers of Claire-voyance (read: basic pattern recognition and being in fandoms for 15+ years), I'm pretty sure people are going to be Very Mean to Kana about the way she chooses to respond to Aqua here but honestly? Not only did this tough love response feel very IC for her, but the clumsiness of it felt very honest to me. I think a lot of people in fandom lately just want characters to talk like fucking therapists all the time and have the Correct And Unproblematic Response to… well, situations like this. But Kana is an 18 year old girl who has her own share of issues and her friend she knows is dealing with his own huge amount of baggage just casually dropped an "i wanna kms" on her. All things considered, I think she handles it surprisingly well.

Because like… look at what Kana really says to Aqua here. She gives him some of their usual banter to diffuse the tension but then makes herself very clear: she does not want Aqua to hurt himself and makes him promise that he won't. It's clumsy and rough in the way Kana often is, but I think the important part - her sincere care for Aqua as her friend - really does shine through.

also cute that other people caught: Kana squishing Aqua's face seems to be an intentional callback to one of their on-stage interactions in Tokyo Blade, right down to Aqua making a identical scrunchyface to Kana. Extremely cute. I love it when Aqua is cute <3

Kana also being a person able to shake Aqua out of his black hoshigans also leans into something I've been hoping is going to pay off for a while now; the idea that Aqua's salvation is not going to come from any one, singular character but from the many different people who Aqua has built relationships with coming together when he needs them to support him. One of the things OnK has continually highlighted is the way isolation and lacking support systems warp and damage people's mental health and I think it would play excellently into that theme to have Aqua's support net, so to speak, to be wide enough to catch him no matter where he falls.

the product placement was very stupid but i did laugh pretty hard at it and then immediately go buy myself some potato chips so i guess it worked. genius mangaka aka akasaka.

All jokes aside, the note their talk ended off on was so lovely too. Aqua being honest enough to admit that being with Kana is fun and Kana getting all dokidoki and then quietly admitting she feels the same when she's alone… cute! But more than that, it highlights something about the AQKN dynamic I think is really important, regardless of whether their relationship is romantic, platonic, in laws, mlm/wlw hostility or whatever else; Kana is his friend and he can just be a normal boy and have normal fun with her without any ulterior motives. It's something Aqua doesn't really have in any of his other relationships so getting a reminder of that and what it means to Aqua was really good.

honestly i think i am just so starved of nice things happening to my son that seeing him opening up to one of his friends and admitting he has fun (HIS LAUGH!!!!!!) was like a shot of heavenly ambrosia for me. please can hoshino aqua have just one nice day.

OR UH… BASED ON THAT LAST PAGE…. PROBABLY NOT ANYTIME SOON….!!!

this is what i mean about this chapter giving me 5000000 things to talk about. kamiki is TALKING TO RUBY IN THE FLESH FOR THE FIRST TIME and i almost completely forgor.

why is he dressed like a dad about to take her out on a fishing trip, though

Ruby looks unusually solemn while she's praying, which is interesting. She's been pretty bright and high energy since 141ish so I'm curious what has her looking so comparatively dour. She's praying at a shrine, too, which means there's probably something on her mind. Nik (@akane-kurokawa) theorized that she's anxious about the upcoming scenes in the movie (LIKE, YOU KNOW, HER MOM'S DEATH) and until we get further insight on that, that's what I'm gonna assume too.

putting aside how Shrimptresting it is that Kamiki turned up out of nowhere like that, I can't help but note a certain horrible parallel between Uehara meeting young Hikaru in the rain with a black umbrella and Kamiki doing the same for his daughter…

cannot wait for that entire talk to get offscreened. lol.

break next week……………………………

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #chapter reviews #csa mention

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yuurei20 · 1 year ago

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Jade and Floyd Info Compilation part 16: Jade, Floyd and Idia

Like most of the the main cast, Floyd and Jade do not seem fond of Idia: Jade banters with Lilia about Idia dying during Phantom Bride but retaining his position as a ghost-housewarden (which Floyd finds hilarious).

They come across Ortho looking at a fashion magazine with a special edition on sneakers in the library, and Ortho says that Idia has refused to craft legs for him that do not hover because, “Going terrestrial is for wimps.”

Possibly taking issue with Idia's view of "going terrestrial," Jade happens to recall “a rather fascinating snippet of information about Idia” that they use to blackmail him into fulfilling Ortho’s request for legs that can walk. (Floyd says “Pretty amazing to slap that together in just three days’ time. Good thing your secret didn’t slip,” implying that they may have given him a time limit of three days to grant Ortho’s wish.)

Jade observes, “Fashion begins with the feet, after all. It is incredibly narrow-minded to speak ill of those who do not fly.”

When asked what dorm he would join outside of Ignihyde, Idia considers Octavinelle but then refuses on the basis that he'd rather stay away from “those sinister twins," perhaps based on this interaction.

Jade comments that Idia’s Halloween costume displays “a level of obsessiveness that few of us laypeople could ever hope to reach.” Idia responds, “Somehow, that doesn’t feel like a compliment.”

When Idia visits Jade during the Wish Upon a Star event Jade says that he cannot think of anything to wish for and Idia says, “You’re the vice house warden of Octavinelle, a dorm that’s basically run by a perpetually scheming greed elemental. There’s no way you don’t want something.”

When Jade wishes for the ability to grant Floyd and Azul's wishes, Idia follows with, “You just won the trophy for Most Insincere Wish Ever (Source: Me),” apparently causing Jade to cry.

Ortho reprimands Idia for bullying an underclassman and demands that he apologize. Jade responds, “I’m so relieved you believe me. Heh heh heh…”

Jade and Idia find common ground during Harveston when Jade reviews the rulebook for the sled race and they both immediately agree on points such as destroying their opponents’ plushies, making other teams crash and setting up pitfalls.

Epel and Sebek insist on trying to win the race without sabotage. Jade observes, “You freshmen are so dull—ah, I mean, diligent” and Idia agrees, saying, “Ugh, such arbitrary ‘morals’.”

In his second birthday vignette Jade says he just happened to meet with Idia in front of a vending machine and Idia gave him a candy bar for his birthday.

#twisted wonderland #Floyd Leech #Jade Leech #twstjade #twstfloyd #twstfacts #jadefacts #floydfacts

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notsogoodphotographer · 1 year ago

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Hi i want to talk about my all time favorite camera 📸

pls ignore all my grammar mistakes, i’m not professional reviewer 😂 i just wanna talk about this camera.

This is the Sony RX1Rii, this is the third and “most recent” version of this camera. i put “most recent” in quotes because this camera is almost 10 years old. don’t like the old age fool you because this camera can keep up with the newest cameras in its niche.

This little point and shoot sports a 42mp full frame sensor. YES, F U L L F R A M E!! This tiny camera is actually smaller than all the x100 series (minus the lens on it). The camera has an incredibly sharp Zeiss Sonnar 35mm f2 glued to. This camera has 399 af points, with eye AF. The camera is incredibly fast and accurate!! the camera is pretty much a tiny packaged Sony A7Rii!

One of my favorite features of this camera is the pop-up EVF! This is a feature that was added to only this version of the camera and it’s a feature that i wish sony continued to incorporate into some of their other smaller cameras like the A7c or a6k series!

The camera does shoot video up to 1080 120fps, but does not have picture profiles such has S-log or HLG. This was a camera made strictly for photos, which is probably for the best because the battery life on this camera is terrible, any kind of prolong video shooting would absolutely burn through these batteries in minutes.

That brings me to my next point, my cons. There’s not many but i figured i’d point them out anyways for those who are interested in this camera. these aren’t make it or break it cons, these are just issues that hinder it from being the greatest camera ever released (IMO)

1) battery life, i believe it’s rated for like 220 shots. Ive definitely gotten it to last twice than that. That tiny body processing all that data on some of the tiniest batteries makes sense why it’s so bad. Luckily batteries are cheap and like i said they’re tiny, so they’re pretty easy to carry around!

2) no picture profiles in video. i know i touched on it briefly up above and this camera is mainly a photo camera AAAAAND hybrid cameras were just beginning to grow in popularity around the time this camera came out but it would’ve been amazing to have s-log in this camera for little snippets here and there. i know at the time IG and other photo sharing apps were mainly photo sharing apps, and a camera that was built strictly for photo has no business having usable picture profiles in video.

3) no crop mode in RAW. this one is weird to me because i know the A7Rii has an APS-C mode where you can shoot RAW photos with an inbody crop and there’s times that i’d love to shoot something at 50mm (35mm + sony’s 1.5x aps-c crop). there is a digital zoom option but that’s for jpg only.

4) PRICE!!!! why the fuck is this camera still being sold for $3200??!! this is a 10 year old camera with outdated tech. i bought mine used for $1900 (which is about the price of the fuji x100V at the time of purchase) and i still think that’s a little too much.

that’s really about it aside from minor complaints of not having tele/ wide converters. i’m also sure all of those cons stem from the small battery. I’d love to see all of these corrected in a Mk3 one day, but as of a couple weeks ago sony just discontinued the Rx1rii’s production. I’m being a little hopeful but maybe that means we’re getting a successor, i doubt it but a boy can dream.

I don’t really do reviews or anything but this camera has had my heart for the past 9 months so i had to show it off/ talk about it. this to me in the perfect everyday camera. it never leaves my side and comes with me to any and every trip! Im always blown away by the photos i create with this little camera and i know whenever a mk3 comes out im going to hop on the chance to buy on immediately!

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thosearentcrimes · 1 month ago

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Read The Northern Caves by @nostalgebraist. You know, usually when I review books written by living authors, I try (operative word, try) to find a nice framing of my opinions, on the off chance that they are namesearching on tumblr. But in this case, I am outright confident that this review will be seen by the author, since I know he has read some of the other book reports I've posted. So, uh, thanks for nostalgebraist-autoresponder, I didn't follow it but some of the posts that got traction were very funny. Thanks also for talking about AI from a position of expertise while keeping the discussion in the realm of actual technology rather than apocalyptic science fiction, which I really feel should be a more common phenomenon than it actually is. And finally, thanks for the fact that when I went to search a very specific passage from Ulysses, I found your slashfic in which that line had been copied over, it didn't help with my essay but it was a nice diversion. I thought it was a good continuation from the point you left it off, though not really written in the actual style of Joyce. I will try to be honest but positive about your work. It will be fairly easy to, as I think The Northern Caves is a pretty good novel!

The Northern Caves is an epistolary novel about an infohazard. The author describes it as quasi-horror, which is correct I think, insofar as it takes a lot of narrative devices from various forms of horror (especially from the better parts of SCP fiction), even though it is not itself scary. Uh, maybe it is to people who believe in infohazards, but even then I imagine not. Though the specific allusions and referenced subcultures are pretty different, I would say the closest work to it in spirit that I'm familiar with is the very good webcomic What Happens Next, though obviously the form there is somewhat different. Also people compare it to Pale Fire and House of Leaves, neither of which I've actually read though I really should, so I can't really speak on that comparison.

The primary narrator of The Northern Caves is insane, and for the most part I find that insanity acceptably-rendered in the prose. Note that in this case, as opposed to Too Like the Lightning, it actually makes sense on a thematic level for the narrator to be insane. It aids rather than hinders what appears (to me at least) to be the authorial intent. Other than the main narrator we also get some snippets of forum threads, where I find the dialogue lags behind a little, especially for the classic forum asshole archetype. I've experienced a handful of these, and while it is very much true that the two major classes are hyper-formal hyper-correct smug bastard and punctuation ABUSING grammar IGNORING belligerent lunatic, I don't think either of them usually types that way exactly? But perhaps I have an overly narrow conception of the type. The time cube guy manifesto is good, the podcast episode transcript is well-executed, and the article excerpts seem a bit over-the-top at times but mostly accurate.

Generally speaking, unless I am seriously misreading something, The Northern Caves is about fandom, forum culture, Rationalism, infohazards, and lolcows, and I think it understands all of these phenomena pretty well. As far as the Salby oeuvre goes, of all the explicit references within the novel itself, the ones to the works of Lewis and Zelazny are the ones that seem most significant. The issue with that is I skipped both those authors. We had Chronicles of Narnia at home, but I didn't read it on principle after being taken to see the first movie and hating it, so instead I read Chronicles of Prydain. Given my hatred for all things isekai I think this was fortunate. Homestuck also seems kind of relevant, but is not mentioned, which makes sense given it would be an anachronism. I think in general I agree with nostalgebraist a lot on the nature of things, such as fandom, Rationalistm, and Homestuck, but have very different evaluations of them (specifically I think all of the above are not good). It's actually a similar situation with AI but that doesn't count because several of my material beliefs about AI were directly influenced by nostalgebraist.

In any case, I think the total inability of broader internet culture to understand the lolcows it uses for entertainment is one element that was particularly well described, and it seems to me like on some level the main point of the novel. If so, it is one that only seems to get more appropriate. Once they know a certain person or group of people is not to be taken seriously, to be mocked and reviled, people switch into the laziest and most formulaic ways of interpreting behavior that, while often not very reasonable or even sane, is a lot more explicable than people tell themselves it is. This seems to be especially the case where some form of psychosis is involved, like in The Northern Caves. I am curious if a version of the novel written today would include some reference to the true crime and real life spooky story genres. And also whether the new version might include the script for a Strange Aeons video (or one of the many significantly more exploitative variants) rather than a "web history" podcast.

I can recommend reading The Northern Caves, some background is likely necessary, but most tumblr users probably already have that background? Some of you are children probably and might not remember forums or know what they are like, even I remember them mostly as a bit of a dying breed. The novel will still make sense without that background but you'll miss out on a bit. I would also like to mention how nice it is that I had the opportunity to link the book I was talking about. Strictly speaking there are probably other books I could have done that with, but none of those were web-native. Thank you to Archive of our Own for hosting people's writing (soon including mine, hopefully) and to nostalgebraist for posting his novels there, of which I am looking forward to reading more.

#The Northern Caves #nostalgebraist #book report

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invalidstories · 3 months ago

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Hiii!! I saw that you wanted some snippet requests? I’m not sure what tropes you love but hopefully you’ll like it! What about a hero agency that offers reformation programs for villains, and even though they say they’re so “forgiving” that turns out to be a lie. Sooo can you write about a hero noticing some of the foul play and taking a younger villain under their wing? Kinda like a mentor almost :D

Idk this has been buzzing around my head for a while now and I’d love to see whatever you do with it! 💗💕

Lies of Reformation

Ooh this was interesting to write. Sorry it took so long, I saw your request twice but my writing wasn't writing. Hope you like it!

Warnings: Mentions of disappearance and experimenting

The hero sat at their desk, the glow of their computer screen casting harsh shadows across the room. They were supposed to be reviewing mission reports, but their mind kept wandering back to the files they’d stumbled across earlier. Files that didn’t add up. Files that made their stomach churn.

The agency’s reformation program was supposed to be a beacon of hope, a second chance for villains who wanted to turn their lives around. But the numbers didn’t lie. Of the dozens of villains who had entered the program, only a handful had “graduated.” The rest… well, the rest had simply disappeared. Officially, they’d dropped out or relocated. Unofficially, the hero wasn’t so sure.

A knock at their door pulled them from their thoughts. “Come in,” they called, closing the files quickly.

The door opened, and a young villain—no, a kid—stepped inside. They couldn’t have been older than seventeen, their face still round with youth, their eyes wide and nervous. They wore the standard-issue uniform of the reformation program, the bright white fabric looking out of place against their hunched shoulders.

“Uh, they said I should report to you,” the kid mumbled, avoiding eye contact. “For, uh, mentorship or whatever.”

The hero’s chest tightened. They’d heard about this one—a rookie villain who’d gotten in over their head, caught trying to rob a bank with nothing but a homemade gadget and a lot of bravado. The agency had scooped them up, touting the reformation program as their salvation. But now, seeing the kid up close, the hero couldn’t shake the feeling that they were being fed to the wolves.

“What’s your name?” the hero asked, their voice softer than they intended.

The kid hesitated. “They call me Spark.”

“Spark,” the hero repeated, nodding. “I’m—”

“I know who you are,” Spark interrupted, their voice tinged with awe. “You’re, like, the agency’s golden child.”

The hero winced at the title. Golden child. Right. If only Spark knew how tarnished that gold really was.

“Sit down,” the hero said, gesturing to the chair across from them. Spark obeyed, perching on the edge of the seat like they were ready to bolt at any moment. “How long have you been in the program?”

“A week,” Spark said, fidgeting with the hem of their sleeve. “It’s… not what I expected.”

The hero leaned forward, their voice dropping to a whisper. “What do you mean?”

Spark glanced at the door, then back at the hero. “I don’t know. It’s just… they keep asking me all these questions. About my powers, my past, my family. And they’re always watching. Like, always. It’s creepy.”

The hero’s jaw tightened. That wasn’t part of the program. At least, not the program they’d been told about.

“Have they… done anything else?” the hero asked carefully.

Spark hesitated, then shook their head. “Not yet. But I heard things. About the others. The ones who didn’t make it.”

The hero’s stomach dropped. “What did you hear?”

Spark’s voice was barely audible. “That they’re not really gone. That the agency… does things to them. Experiments or something. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just rumors, but…” They trailed off, their hands trembling.

The hero stood abruptly, their chair scraping against the floor. “Come with me.”

Spark blinked up at them. “What? Where?”

“Somewhere safe,” the hero said, grabbing their coat. “You’re not staying here.”

“But… the program. They said it’s my only chance.”

The hero knelt in front of Spark, their expression fierce. “Listen to me. You don’t need their program. You don’t need their lies. If you want to change, if you want to be better, I’ll help you. But not like this. Not here.”

Spark stared at them, their eyes wide with a mix of fear and hope. “Why? Why would you help me?”

The hero’s gaze softened. “Because someone has to. And because… I think I’ve been on the wrong side for too long.”

As they led Spark out of the office and into the night, the hero couldn’t shake the weight of what they were doing. They were breaking every rule, risking everything. But for the first time in a long time, they felt like they were doing something right.

Masterlist

#invalidstories #reading #writers on tumblr #hero x villain #villain x hero #writing snippet #ask

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whencyclopedia · 1 year ago

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War in the Balkans: An Encyclopedic History from the Fall of the Ottoman Empire to the Breakup of Yugoslavia

This comprehensive encyclopedia is edited by the acclaimed historian Richard Hall and covers the general topic of war in the Balkans during the past two centuries. Some 60 leading scholars contributed well-examined snippets on the war in the Balkans culminating in a volume that is an excellent reference for a wide range of curious researchers.

Richard C. Hall's timely encyclopedia can help reporters and scholars investigate beyond a headline. The book features informative and expertly written essays with suggestions for further reading. As a leading scholar of Balkan history, Hall, Professor of History at Georgia Southwestern State University who has written multiple books on this topic, is an ideal editor for a work of such monumental scope ranging from the fall of the Ottoman Empire to the dissolution of Yugoslavia and beyond.

To produce nearly 240 entries covering 200 years requires assembling a team of researchers, which is precisely what this work achieved. Altogether, 62 expert contributors wrote entries spanning five categories: Events, Individuals, Organizations, Places, and Treaties.

The most impressive category of contributions is “Events," with 132 topics compromising 56% of all entries. Each war in the Balkans has many entries, and the encyclopedia dedicates five entries to the Balkan Wars of 1912-1913 alone. For these wars, there are separate “Causes” and “Consequences” essays that carefully consider the complex, intertwined factors leading to and resulting from the various Balkan conflicts. The "Events" category contains interesting and rather specific topics not commonly found elsewhere, such as a focus on the “Cold War in the Balkans” and “Ottoman Counterinsurgency Operations in the Balkans and Crete.” The scope of this category is so wide-ranging that it even includes entries covering the roles of Italy and Germany in the Balkans during the two World Wars.

The second category, “Individuals," is smaller, compromising only 24% of the total entries. This section includes an impressive array of people ranging from Ottoman Sultans to modern military leaders and politicians. Nonetheless, with only 56 entries on protagonists of Balkan conflicts, there is a little room for expansion and more coverage, especially with Greek leaders. For instance, figures such as Theodoros Kolokotronis and George Papadopoulos could have been fitting additions to the book's theme. Regardless, most major Balkan individuals are present with each entry on them following the customary high quality.

The remaining three categories — "Organizations," "Places," and "Treaties" — are understandably shorter in length. The category “Organizations” has 32 entries covering 14% of the total contributions. Topics such as the Balkan League, Black Hand, Kosovo Liberation Army, and UNPROFOR were not surprising inclusions. Yet, more concise topics like “Partisans in Albania” or “NATO in the Balkans” were surprising inclusions in a work of this kind. Once more, Greek topics could have been expanded to include groups such as the Philiki Eteria (Society of Friends) or IDEA (Ieros Desmos Ellinon Axiomatikon, or Holy Alliance of Greek Military Officers). The "Places" category could be expanded beyond its current 12 entries by including Cyprus. “Treaties," compromising only 1% of the entries with only 4 topics, could have been a more expansive, general category that included topics like Greater Serbia, Megali Idea, religion, ethnic cleansing, war crimes, and drug trafficking among other issues so intertwined with the war in the Balkans.

Richard Hall’s War in the Balkans is a wonderful addition to the ABC-CLIO/Greenwood Reference collection as its high-quality, accessible, and fascinating articles along with numerous illustrations and maps make the book a must-have for scholars and history enthusiasts alike. In today's digital era, this volume might be dismissed in favor of Wikipedia or other online sources. However, the depth of analysis achieved, along with the detailed and concise topics, is not easily found in traditional encyclopedias. This encyclopedia also offers much more than what students have grown accustomed to in the age before the internet. War in the Balkans is one of those books that hardly sits on a shelf for long.

#History #Balkan #BalkanWars #Ottoman

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halfmoth-halfman · 2 years ago

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we're starting to get into the spooky months now, so what better way to close out the summer vibes than with a fic rec list!!

unfortunately, the original of this post got messed up through my queue and it left me discouraged and not really with the energy to go all out like i usually do so i apologize if the reviews are a little lackluster this time around, but i did love and adore every single one of these fics 💜

if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

Javier Peña

birthday bash || a pile of cards - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ what else can i say? cute. adorable. perfect. made me feel like it was my birthday, because this was fic was such a gift. i don't know how jo is able to write the cutest and most fun relationship dynamics, but it makes my heart soar every time.

late night texts || iv. before the gold and glimmer | bonus scene: phone sex | v. you make me feel wild | vi. the place where i want to be | bonus scene: wicked games you play | vii. oh the sweetest thing - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i will never not be in love with the way jo writes javi, and the absolute beauty of her writing. the way this relationship builds and feels so real with equals parts teasing and the shyness of the first time meeting someone you kinda sorta know always leaves me stunned.

John "Soap" MacTavish

run away to me || i. - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm warning y'all now, hal has spoiled me this month and a lot of the fics on this list are gonna be hers. but to start we're talking about this fantastic fic. blacksmith!soap was not something i knew i needed and i am foaming at the mouth to see where this goes.

soap comforting reader - @nrdmssgs

✧ coming from someone who's had very similar anxieties around meeting a significant other's family, this hit very close to home and was so. damn. sweet. i love this so much and soap being an absolute sweetheart here was just icing on the cake.

John Price

glitter and gold || snippet - @writeforfandoms

✧ i could talk about this fic for hours. not only have i read it about a hundred times, but this fic helped inspire me to start drawing again. one of my top favorite comfort fics, everything about it is perfect. dragon!price being so in love with his wife, princess!reader finding joy and love and freedom with her new husband, the little appearances from the rest of the 141. it's all just perfect.

cardigan || part 1. it starts in a bar - @as-is-above-so-below

✧ price x teacher!reader was a lovely idea that i have been waiting for with baited breath and it did not disappoint. esp this part:

“Believe me. I get it. My career makes it difficult to find time for much of anything.”

“Yeah, well, I have sixteen kids.”

i love sassy teacher!reader.

songs that sound like sea-foam || (ii) | (iii) - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ this fic destroyed me. i had to call my mom and talk to her about it because i loved it so much. idk how to describe it, this filled me with a beautiful sense of longing and nostalgia of the classic fairytales my parents used to read me before bed

all, most, some, none - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ mmkay just one second while i-

lions and ibexes - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i love husband!price, don't get me wrong, but i think farah was the real star of this fic. her characterization is wonderful, and the talk she and reader have is so sad (for lack of a better word) but also hopeful and real. i want to have a love the way hal writes it in her fics.

late night cookies - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ perfect dad!price fic right here. really hit me right in the unresolved daddy issues. good job.

where did you sleep last night - @captainfern

✧ i might just be a sucker for pet names like my love and darling, but this was so unbelievably sweet. reader missing price so much that they light one of his cigars just for the familiar smell of him?? i'm aldkasjl i love this so much.

glory to the reaper - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ the ability of hal to just present us with pure poetry like it's no big deal is just ugh chef's kiss. like all of this here:

How can life go on when such things are uttered to light? When they’re buried deep into your marrow like the dirt on top of a grave?

How can the Reaper knock at your doorways when love exists in such quantity…in the fractures of his eyes? Only when his lips brush yours do you understand.

absolutely stunning.

ducky socks - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ dad!price strikes again by breaking my heart in the best possible way and gluing it back together with pure sweetness and a wholesome father-daughter relationship.

Keegan P. Russ

for the weak and weary - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i am of a simple mind. i see hal has written a keegan fic, i drop everything and read the keegan fic, i sob uncontrollably and struggle to read through my tears, i scroll back up to the top and read again.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

some nights are like that - @deadbranch

✧ insert ohmygod they were roommates meme here. i love gaz, i love friends to lovers, i love roommates to lovers, i love everything about this fic. it's cute, it's sweet, it made me giggle. 10/10 will read again.

cult of vagabonds || chapter six: storm-flying petrels - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i crave this series like something else let me tell you, and each chapter completely delivers. reader is somehow so frustrating and so relatable at the same time, no regard for her own life but also...same.

to be in love - @lethalchiralium

✧ am i biased because i requested this? yes. but also because this is cute and wholesome and perfect and the idea of gaz buying flowers for his crush makes me smile like an idiot and keri did a perfect job with this.

paper rings - @lethalchiralium

✧ this is me staring at keri after she's written one of the most perfect gaz prompts i've ever read and giving me the cutest, sweetest, most wholesome treat.

get behind me - @writeforfandoms

✧ i love fall fair stuff. corn mazes, haunted houses, bobbing for apples, all of it. and it's even better with the addition of gaz. soap being a little shit had me laughing, but gaz being such a sweetheart (and a little bit of a tease) just had my smiling and giggling to myself.

there’s no need to panic, i’m right here now, aren’t i? you’re safe - @writeforfandoms

✧ gaz is the best boi and even more so when jen writes him. i love the way she portrays him being so soft and comforting, but also not afraid to take care of problems for his significant other. and, as someone who's had loud neighbors, i wish i had gaz there to take care of them for me too 😭

Miguel O'Hara

glass houses - @lethal-chiralium

✧ actual picture of me pretending to be okay after reading this and having my heart shATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES HOW DARE YOU KERI

welcome to new york || 3 | 4 - @writeforfandoms

✧ i consume these chapters as if they're a decadent slice of cake made just for me and they're so fucking delicious every time. i love lyla and jess in this fic (i love everyone in this fic tbh, but i gotta support the girlies) and this part right here:

(Note to self: bring a sweater.)

literally me. i love this so much and can't wait see where it goes.

hammock by the sea - @wyvernest

✧ the way this fic made me want to enjoy a sunny july afternoon on my honeymoon with miguel in a hammock soooo bad. idk if feel-good can be used to describe a fic, but that's how i feel about this one. it's a feel-good fic, makes me soft and happy and wistful.

spider-girl!reader|| you haven't kissed me all day | jealous miguel | saying i love you for the first time - @luveline

✧ luveline never misses with the miguel fics. every single one is A+ 10/10 chef's kiss. the domesticity while also keeping miguel his grumpy self is just lakdjaksl i'm so weak for luveline's fics and her portrayal of miguel.

Multi

dead disco || chapter 6 - @peachesofteal

✧ i really gotta read this series in small doses, because the way it makes my heart ache cannot be healthy. i just want everything to work out, for them to be happy but goddamn does peach want me to suffer (and i happily thank her for it)

how do they cuddle - @homicidal-slvt

✧ this has any and everyone in it, but more importantly it has my boys, gaz and roach and that's all that matters to me. gaz being the type to do a little kiss attack is so cute and something i can see him doing and roach tracing little shapes and letters i'm screaming. also graves being an absolute menace, you're so right for that.

Nikto

ravishing allure || prologue | cake for a dead man (i) -@halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ do i know who nikto is? not in the slightest. did that stop me from dropping everything to read this series? not in the slightest. will i ever be normal about one of hal's amazing fics? not in the slightest :)

Phillip Graves

close your eyes for me, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ protective graves just does something for me. like, of course, he's a little shit and all that, but, as we've seen in canon, that man is loyal to a fault so it makes sense that loyalty would extend to his significant other. and also the way jen writes him just makes me blush and giggle so that's a plus 🤭

Rodolfo Parra

pressing their foreheads together - @writeforfandoms

✧ i read Warnings: soft domestic fluff and kissing. and knew this fic was gonna be made for me. and i was right. this fic made me sigh longingly. i am so astronomically weak for the way jen writes this man and the way she writes soft domesticity.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

the safe house has seen better days - @ghostaholics

✧ how does it feel to have such a perfect understanding of a character and then create such a gorgeous fic on top of that??

Always staying awake, always assigning himself to the graveyard shift for watch while everyone else squeezes in a few hours of rest before the sun comes up.

i am in awe of ms. ghostaholics and her beautiful ability to turn characterization into pure poetry.

hired as a live-in house cleaner - @ceilidho

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼this👏🏼fic👏🏼 this turned me into a big ol' soft pile of hearts and mush ugghh just the perfect amount of fluff. very cute but subtle too and y'know i think that fits ghost pretty well.

the team is invited to a wedding - @rileyslibrary

✧ one thing about me: i love a wedding. and this fic right here? absolutely delivered. it's got everything: ghost, gaz cameo, a wedding, macarons. not to mention the A+ banter between ghost and reader, i love them and this fic so much.

happiness || white carnations - @lethal-chiralium

✧ happiness hurts in a way that leaves me somehow longing for more and i can't describe it any other way. i think keri is determined to figure out how many different ways she can break my heart with angst and fluff and i couldn't be more thankful.

circles and squares - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i know i gushed about this fic already, but i'm gonna do it again. the best way to describe my feelings about this is that i would dedicate an entire section of my bookshelf just for jo's writing. the way she perfectly balances the differences between ghost and simon. the way he's stern and struggles, but doesn't lose his snark. the way he and reader support each other while still respecting each other and they're need for space. i'm so weak for this fic.

on the edge of the universe - @kil-g

✧ it's the world-building for me. it's the captivating atmosphere for me. there's just something so beautifully haunting here, and i am desperately clinging to every little piece of it. like i'm already feral for everything isa writes, and this is another excellent addition to the collection.

civ!reader kills someone out of self defense for the first time - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ had me hooked from the opening line and man was i on edge the rest of the time. i was panicking right there alongside reader, and the portrayal of her confusion and fear and anxiety was so well done. and ghost coming in to comfort her?? i was crying. so unbelievably good.

badly wrapped secrets - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i just-

"Thank you, for all of this.

He nods—short, and full of understanding, as well as signalling: you’re welcome."

i love them so much 😭

blood was its avatar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i was fighting for my life trying to read this without blushing like a sinner in church and ended up looking something like this-

and i damn near cackled like a witch at that ending LMAO

the roommate series || lover boy - @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

✧ i knew nothing about this series going on and when i tell you i read through it with a swiftness. my skin is clear, my knees are weak, my livestock is fed. this fic (this whole series tbh) has reached in and wrapped around my heart in the best possible way.

illicit indulgences || the ghost of you - @floralpascal

✧ i am screaming. this is so...i don't know the right word. beautiful? stunning? gorgeous? all of the above? the captivating description of loneliness, the way ella manages to capture the stubbornness of ghost missing someone but refusing to admit to himself that he does. they're so perfect and in love and i'm just alskdaj

can you imagine someone threatening you - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ you ever hear that phrase, so nice you reblog it twice? well i have, cause that's exactly what i did with this fic. it's the least i could do for the pure artistry of this fic. i love reader here, being so confident and capable and ghost being completely infatuated by her ability and so ready to kill anyone who disrespects her.

Valeria Garza

10 years too late on that, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ hello???? this was incredible???? i am??? slightly intimidated???? and in love??? with both valeria because she's mommy and with jen because she's such a wonderful writer and i am in awe of her talent.

#moth fic recs #fave fics #monthly fic recs

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