#rishtas

[inqilabi]

My sister is introducing my parents to the man she will marry. She has been seeing him for 2 years and told them about him recently. Leading with that she will marry him eventually and they have to accept it lol. My parents have changed now so I don't think she needed to say it this firmly but I guess she remembers what was done to me so pre-emptively did that thinking they won't approve or something.

And I'm just thinking about the wild difference between what I went through in life and the things my siblings now get to do. And I mean I am super happy that they are able to live their lives as they wish but certainly wouldn't have been possible without an older sibling taking the beating first 🫠😭😭😭

It's very hard for my dad to swallow that she chose someone on her own without parents involvement. And that parents are secondary to this process and that this person she'll marry regardless of whether the parents said no.

My dad's niece, she wanted to someone of her own choosing. And my dad refused. And then she wanted to marry someone abroad so she could have a better life and asked my dad to atleast do that. Something about that irked him too so he married her off to some loser within the family. This is the level of control he'd ideally like to have.

I entertained some proposals coming to our home with their parents as the first meet, serving them tea and the whole traditional subservient shit. Until I stood up for myself and said, this process is humiliating and subservient for me and I won't do it. And then I was forced still to entertain proposals through other means. Had my number given out. Expected to go meet them if they were local. My mom talking to their moms in the meantime. One time forced to talk to some dude on the phone and his mom on video. My siblings never had to endure this kind of intrusion into their personal live. I don't anymore either but did for many years

[unsilken]

how do i know if i am in love with someone?

ever since i turned 25 ish, i've stopped feeling love/attraction/crushes. not even platonic love. whoever was my friend before i turned 25 is my friend and i feel my love towards them like an objective thing, a separate matter, something i trust because i trust the memory of it.

i've never been in a relationship before so i would really like some insights.. how do i know that "i" am in love with this person and not just in love with them being in love with me?

[aloneandforsakenbyfateandbyman]

Aishwarya Rai in Dil Ka Rishta (2003)

[ohmybollywood]

Aishwarya Rai in Dil Ka Rishta (2003)

[desicinema]

AISHWARYA RAI in DIL KA RISHTA (2003)

[filmtribv]

Arjun Rampal / Aishwarya Rai Bachchan DIL KA RISHTA (2003)

[aahanna]

Bold of u to think we desi girls are red flag

We literally grew up watching "pavitra rishta" "yeh rishta kya kehlata h" and "yeh hai mohabbatein " 😌

[jeonghoneyss]

results day tomorrow

[graciebrams]

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[hanaasbananas]

on arranged marriages

it's funny. mums been in the whatsapp rishta groups for years looking for someone i might marry. she'll send me a profile once in a while and ask what i think, if she should contact his parents or not and most of the time i say yeah, alright. nothing ever comes of it though, so when my dad calls me after work and says mum spoke to him about a rishta she's thinking of moving forward with i'm intrigued, but not particularly invested.

mum's really picky, i tell him. this probably won't go anywhere but we may as well see it through, right? dad is hesitant, but agrees when i say that i do want an arranged marriage.

but then things do move forward and the next thing i know, he is going to visit us with his parents. on the day, my uncle picks me up from work so i don't have to walk. you don't have to make a decision today, he tells me. this is just a first visit. my cousin helps me get ready and i am reminded of the similar scene in the movie vivah. nothing has to happen today, she tells me you guys are just meeting today. the thought does nothing to settle the nerves roiling in my stomach and i try to go back to my room three times instead of going downstairs until my cousin practically shoves me down them.

i enjoy meeting his mum, even though she immediately clocks my nervous clasping and unclasping of my bracelet. she hugs me as if i'm her own daughter and is so happy to see me that my heart lightens. eventually, we go to the other sitting room where the men are sitting-where he is. my nerves flare up again but he doesn't look up from his hands clasped in his lap when we walk in.

too nervous to speak, i only answer say anything when a question is directed at me and try to sneak quick glances at him across the room instead. his mum catches me more than once and smiles knowingly at me. we meet each others eyes only once for a split second and it makes my heart pound rapidly in my chest. when he speaks, i force myself to look at anyone other than him. he has a nice voice, my brain whispers and i bite my tongue, hard.

they leave, and we say they'll know our decision after a couple months. i know what my answer will be though. later, when they get back home and his mum calls my mum, i stand outside the door to eavesdrop, my heart in my throat but i can't stop my grin when i hear his mum say he's happy to go ahead with this, because there was a part of me that still worried he'd see me in person and go NOPE. she suggests that we get to know each other over the next few months and i silently beg my mum to agree. i know that where she is from, in her tradition, the bride and groom speak once or twice before the wedding if they're lucky, and that things are still done that way back home, but just as im gearing up to argue against that, she agrees. it's a miracle!

of course, chronically shy person that i am, the thought of our first conversation taking place on our mums phones is terrifying so instead i ask to get his number so we can text first. she sends his number but theres no way i'm texting first so i send them my number and thankfully he gets the hint and texts me first. i hope you don't mind me texting, i'm just shy still. i say. that's fine, he reassures me. we have time.

time, as it turns out. flies. it doesn't take long to move from texts to voice notes, to phone calls. he really does have a nice voice, i find out, and its not as awkward as i thought it would be. i didn't actually think that we'd talk that much, maybe once a week at most and yet...

i almost cried last night because we were talking about going to Pakistan together next summer and I remembered how when I was a teenager I used to daydream about going to Pakistan with my spouse and visiting all my family with him.

then over the years I sort of gave up on that idea because I'm not the type to go out and meet someone and in the desi arranged marriage market whose gonna choose me?

and now I'm 26, and we talk multiple times a day and when I catch myself thinking oh he isn't really interested, he's just talking to me because he has to to get to know me, why would anyone actually like me?? I find myself countering with well actually if that was the case why would he start calling you every day? how come you went from one call a day ending with 'i'll talk to you tomorrow' to him calling you on his way home from work and 'i'll call you after dinner' when he gets home to a THIRD call after maghrib right before bed? those are not the actions of a man who is uninterested!!

hanaas insecurities- 0, hanaas logic- 1

anyway idk where this is going except i never thought i'd be this excited and happy when it came time for me to get married but here i am and it is SO SCARY to realise that i am maybe possibly (definitely) falling for him but wow, and like? (literally the other day i was telling him a story from when i was a kid and the story had such a silly ending but it was unexpected and he laughed really hard in surprise and it made my heart almost explode i swear its so fun to make him laugh)

but like there's SO MANY logistics i'm restarting my driving lessons so i can pass before i move and i literally just got my new job in april but i'm gonna have to give my notice lmao and i've already started looking for new jobs but GAH so much stuff is happening and yet at the same time i feel so calm about it all it's wild i'm just vibing trying to enjoy my summer holidays and having the highlights of my day being when he calls lmaooo

[inqilabi]

My mom thinks my brother deserves the prettiest girl in the world. And I disagreed with her and she got soooo mad. She thinks my brother is the most beautiful handsome boy and how every other Pakistani man we know from among the family friends is ugly. Which is true tbh the folks we know the men are meh and my brother is objectively better looking

But it's funny to see how she isn't even remotely letting me say to temper expectations etc because the dating scene is rough out there for men.

Meanwhile I was told that I was nothing and how dare I reject men who are ugly. Every guy I was ever shown was unattractive. And every girl my brother has shown my mom has been pretty and she thinks they're ugly & below his standard

[kashmirichaiwithmehr]

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[aloneandforsakenbyfateandbyman]

Aishwarya Rai in Dil Ka Rishta (2003)

[sosuigeneris]

my father showed me a rishta that came in last night. For my non Indian girlies, a rishta (rish like fish and ta like tar) is when you opt for arranged marriage, and you start getting proposals from different families of suitors.

The rishta actually came in for my female cousin who is 2 years older than me, but there’s two sons in that family and my father just casually showed their photos to me.

Financially, they’re worth about $500mil. The older son looks fine, he’s in his early 30s but honestly looks like he’s 38-40, his younger brother looks like an absolute donkey. The families are thinking of the older one for my cousin and before my grandfather could say another word, my mother and I both said NO. Tbh, the real reason why we both unanimously said no was because the family does appear to be too conservative, and both my cousin and I have been raised very liberally and were given all the freedom we ever wanted. Although we could be too judgmental in assuming things about them, I’m sure as hell not going for the younger one.

[basic-bitch-alkali]

honestly if any desi who follows me thinks that toppers should by default take science as a stream, unfollow me rn

[haveyouseenthisseries-poll]