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stargirlinterludefr · 4 months

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1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK: rafe cameron x fem!reader

Based off of the song 1 step forward, 3 steps back by Olivia Rodrigo

Synopsis: It’s always 1 step forward and 3 steps back with Rafe, until you’ve finally had enough.

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional & verbal abuse, drug usage, references to sexual relations but no smut, addiction, heavy angst, small amount of fluff, guilt tripping for not having sex (I do NOT condone any of this, you should never be made to feel guilty if you don’t want to sleep with someone!), Rafe being an arsehole

Word count: around 3,500

‘Called you on the phone today

Just to ask you how you were

All I did was speak normally

Somehow I still struck a nerve

You’re laid down on your front, hand mindlessly plucking at your lilac coloured blanket as your other hand holds your phone close to your ear, waiting for your boyfriend to answer your call.

“Hello?” Rafe’s deep voice rings through the other end, cutting out the ringing sound that you’d been listening to whilst waiting on an answer.

You smile softly, “Hey baby, just thought I’d ring, not heard off of you in a few hours.” You say, still plucking mindlessly at your blanket as Rafe sniffles down the phone before he answering.

“Uh yeah, been busy with Barry sorry, what’ve you been up to?” He asks, and while deep down you know he’s distracted and probably doesn’t even care about what you’ve been doing as long as you’re not out flirting with other boys or…out doing anything at all.

“Barry? I didn’t realise you were hanging with him today, is he doing okay?” You ask sweetly, kind nature shining through despite how much you disliked Barry for continuing to get Rafe involved with dealings.

“Why you sound so mad about me hanging with Barry, huh?” Rafe snaps back and your heart plummets to your stomach as you pause your mindless ministrations on your blanket.

“Wha- I’m not mad, baby, I was just asking-“ You start but you don’t have the opportunity to finish as Rafe is quick to cut you off.

“Well fucking don’t! I don’t wanna deal with your bitchy attitude, it’s like you- you’re judging me or something so just cut it out a’ight? Get enough of that from my fucking dad, didn’t know my girl would be all up in my business to.” He says, voice agitated and slurred making it clear to you he’d been snorting up lines like there was no tomorrow.

You stay still in your place, eyes laced with tears that were on the verge of falling if you didn’t swallow the lump in your throat.

“What, you gone mute or something?” Rafe snaps and you jolt slightly, clearing your throat as you answer.

“M’ sorry.” You mutter, voice strained and quiet as though he’d zapped every inch of energy and happiness from you in a matter of seconds.

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He scoffs, the sound of beeping ringing through your speaker signifying that he’d ended the call and as you slowly lower your phone from your ear, silent tears stream down your face and instead of picking mindlessly at your blanket you bury your face into it.

You got me fucked up in the head, boy

Never doubted myself so much

Like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

I hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

Parties had become something you dreaded immensely.

Rafe would usually leave you as soon as you arrived, seeking out people to sell his stuff to and snorting so many lines of it that you’d be left to deal with either his raging temper or his raging boner.

Despite that fact, you made sure you looked your prettiest each time. At the start of your relationship, Rafe showered you in compliments each time you’d get all dressed up but now he’d simply complain about how long you took and then he’d go flirt with some other look or touron making you seriously question whether you were even pretty enough anymore.

And at this particular party? You felt the burning pit of insecurity like it was etched onto your skin.

You were sat beside Rafe, two other kook girls across from you who were alongside Kelce and Barry.

Rafe was pouring out some coke from a small baggie, organising it into lines as he glanced toward you briefly.

“You want some?” He asks, pupils blown as wide as spaceships.

“No, I’m okay.” You say immediately, you’d never wanted to indulge in things like cocaine as you’d drawn the line at weed and alcohol.

“Oh my god, you’re like no fun are you? Live a little, girl.” One of the kook girls hanging off Kelce’s arms says, making the surrounding people laugh in response as their eyes dart to you.

And the worst part? Rafe laughs along with them.

“Alright then.” You mutter quietly, making the same girl holler in excitement as Rafe smiles, gesturing to the lines of cocaine he’d organised.

“All yours, baby.”

And as you sniff up the line of coke, you wonder when you’d let Rafe have so much power over the way you perceived yourself.

‘Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

The next morning you woke up to a regretful Rafe, the boy showering you with a million apologies for essentially forcing you to do something you’d never been comfortable doing in the past.

You’d assured him it was okay but he still preached his guilt, continuing to spend the remainder of the day spoiling you with a shopping trip and ending it with a walk on the beach.

The day had you feeling hopeful, Rafe had promised earlier on that he’d atleast stop doing cocaine around you so you wouldn’t be forced to.

This was progress…wasn’t it?

The hope you felt quickly diminished when you caught sight of your old friends, JJ and John B.

And JJ would be damned if he didn’t say hello to you, while you never talked much to the Pogues anymore JJ’s loyalty was impossible to extinguish. If the Maybank boy cared about you, he wasn’t ever going to let those feelings diminish.

“Ain’t this a sight for sore eyes?” A voice calls from behind you, making yours and Rafe’s heads whip around as you come face to face with JJ who is lightly jogging toward you both. John B trailing slowly behind as he adjusts two surf boards under his arms.

“How you been, y/n/n?” He asks, head cocking to the side as his messy blonde hair moves softly with it.

You open your mouth to speak but Rafe quickly cuts you off, hand tightening on your own “She’s good.”

JJ’s face immediately drops as he narrows his eyes, “Don’t think I was asking you, bro.” He says dryly as Rafe clenches his jaw.

“You gonna answer then?” Rafe spits out, making you look at him with pleading eyes, knowing by the look on his face that he was going to end this in a fight with you.

He simply gives you a glare and you turn to JJ, eyes not daring to meet his.

“Uh yeah, I’ve been good, you?” At your words Rafe lets out a scoff and you bite your lip anxiously, praying to whatever god that whatever has him mad will be resolved quickly.

“You know me, I’m always a’ight, you should uh come by the Chateau soon so we can catch up with ya…we’ve missed you.” JJ says, eyes trained intently on you as he ignores Rafe’s looming presence.

“Yeah, that sounds real nice.” You say, smiling softly and before you can say anything else Rafe is tugging you away.

“Yeah, real good to see you JJ, always a fucking pleasure!” He shouts sarcastically, ignoring how the blonde boy calls out your name when John B finally makes it to his side. You send an apologetic smile over your shoulder as Rafe’s hand detaches from your own.

“That sounds real nice?” Rafe parrots your words, eyes wild with anger as he scoffs to himself continuing his rapid walk back to the truck.

“What else was I supposed to say?” You ask desperately, running slightly to keep up with Rafe’s fast paces as he refuses to slow down for you.

“Rafe!” You call out when he doesn’t respond, the two of you now all but five meters from his truck.

That’s when he spins back to face you, face scrunched in anger as he points at you.

“I’ll tell you what your fucking problem is, y-you can’t be happy with what I’m giving you so you put on the sad kicked puppy act when Maybank is around for what? Huh? You fucking him or something?” Rafe shouts in anger, now towering over you as you all but freeze in your place.

“What? No I’m not fucking Jay, Rafe. I haven’t seen him in months, ever since you told me to stop hanging round with my friends!” You say, voice trembling as you attempt to hold back tears of frustration not missing the way Rafe’s eyes flash with more anger.

“You might as well be fucking him, you got nicknames for him and shit?” He states mockingly, letting out a dry laugh when you go to correct your mistake as a force of habit from your childhood, he spins back toward his truck before you can even respond. “Go hang with Maybank for all I care, prove how much of an attention seeking whore you are.”

Your brows furrow as Rafe rounds his truck, clambering into it as you step forward.

“Rafe?” You call out, listening to him start his truck and rev the engine. You begin walking toward the truck but Rafe reverses so quickly that sand flicks up leaving you to shield your face when he spins the truck around,leaving you stood there.

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

You receive an abundant of text messages from Rafe later on in the same night as your pacing the small space of your room, nibbling anxiously on your nails.

Rafe 💜: am sory baby

Rafe 💜: Pogue get me soooooo pissed

Rafe 💜: I lobe u so moch ❤️❤️

You let out a groan of frustration at the words, your mind spinning as though you’d experienced whiplash. You didn’t know how to keep up anymore, you didn’t understand.

No, I don't understand

You: I love you too 🤍

And maybe in some masochistic way

I kinda find it all exciting

Like, which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home cryin'?

Your sat reading on the dock at the back of your house, one foot dangling into the water when your phone buzzes.

Rafe 💜: coming over.

Your stomach churns with an excited sort of nervousness, mind reeling on how Rafe is going to be today.

His emotional imbalance had made such an impact upon your own that you didn’t know how to feel anymore, whatever you felt was never right in his eyes.

you: okay, on the dock <3

When you hear Rafe’s footsteps drawing closer you don’t dare look up, pretending to be engrossed in your book to see how he would react.

Whether he’d be his teasing normal self that you’d fallen in love with or the coked up angry Rafe that you’d grown to hate.

Rafe steps grow dangerously near and his voice comes along with them, “That book so interesting it mutes your hearing?” He asks, voice boarding on teasing as you look up at him a few meters from you.

You smile and shrug, “It’s a good book.”

Rafe cocks a brow, coming to a standstill in front of you as locks down upon you.

“That good book better than my presence?” He asks, and some part of you sighs in relief at his calm demeanour and undiluted pupils.

“Not a chance.” You say, holding your hands out for Rafe to pull you up and as he does he picks you up into a tight hug and spins the both of you around as you squeal in delight.

It's one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

“Come on baby, please.” Rafe pleads with you, hands tugging at the waistband of your pants in the country club bathroom as you give him a pointed look.

“Not here Rafe.” You say softly as he groans, head on your shoulder.

“We’ve done it here before.” He says in response, lips suckling on your neck as you laugh, gently prying him away from you.

“Yeah, when we weren’t at a business party with your father here.” Rafe then stands to his full height, his jaw ticking and your stomach immediately drops at the quick shift in demeanour.

“My father’s never seemed to bother you before.” He says, referring to the abundant amount of times the two of you have fucked in the house while Ward was just downstairs.

You sigh softly, “We’re at a business party, baby, I promise when we get home-“

Rafe withdraws his hands from you and runs one through his bangs, “Whatever.” He mutters, moving swiftly toward the bathroom door as you reach out for him.

“Rafe, talk to me, what’s wrong?” The boy in question turn his head and rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong is my girl is more interested in my father than me.” He says simply, shrugging as he goes “I didn’t even wanna fuck anyway, you make it to much work.”

And like a child who’d been refused his favourite toy, Rafe leaves you stood there swallowing the all too familiar lump in your throat.

No, it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

Instead it's one step forward and three steps back

Rafe had been giving you the silent treatment since you’d gotten to Tanny hill, only exchanging a grunt in response to you when you placed a kiss to his head as you sat beside him.

Your mind was raking over whatever it is you’d done wrong as you sit on his bed, anxiously waiting for him to come off of the phone to see if he’d talk to you.

You’d be a fool to yourself if you said this wasn’t a regular occurrence, Rafe constantly gave you the silent treatment in response to something.

And then he’d act like you were stupid for thinking such things.

You’re mind couldn’t pin point a thing you’d done wrong nor could it pin point anything you’d said wrong.

You should know by now that this is Rafe’s way, when he’s annoyed at everyone else he takes it out on you. When he doesn’t want to face his own emotions he pushed them onto you so you can face them. Like his own personal punching bag, you should know it’s not your fault yet you feel like it is every time.

When Rafe re emerges from the balcony, he lies down on the bed beside you as you remain sat up trying to find the courage to ask him the question that often leads to him essentially biting your head off.

“Are you mad at me?” You blurt out, turning to look at Rafe who sighs loudly in annoyance.

“Not this shit again.” He groans, rubbing a hand over his face as you fiddle with your fingers.

“I- you just seem quiet today s’all.” You point out and you can predict Rafe’s response before he even says it.

“What? I can’t be quiet now? It’s all good when you wanna be quiet but when it’s me I’m suddenly mad at you?” He asks rhetorically as you shrug half heartedly, avoiding his gaze as he sighs again bringing himself to a sitting position as he places his chin on your shoulder.

“Stop asking me stupid shit, a’ight?” He says and all you can do is nod numbly.

And I'd leave you, but the roller coaster is all I've ever had

As youre walking out of Tanny Hill, face wet with tears due to another screaming match with Rafe, a voice calls out your name from behind you.

You’re quick to wipe your cheeks when you realise it isn’t Rafe, it’s Sarah.

You turn, forcing a smile onto your face as she approaches you, and by the look on her face you know she heard.

“Hey Sare, everything good?” You ask, voice hoarse due to the amount of shouting and crying you’d done.

“I should ask you that, are you okay?” She says softly, brown eyes so kind that your heart nearly breaks to think of how much anger her brother’s blue ones hold.

“You heard, huh?” You ask, watching as she nods, “Look, he- he’s just had a long day and-“

“Y/n, he’s always either had a long day or he’s had a fight with our dad, that doesn’t justify the way he treats you.” She states, deja vu hitting you remembering the similar conversation the two of you had but in that conversation she’d been cautious with what she’d said to you but it was obvious now that caution had gone out of the window.

You stand silently, biting your lip as you look at your former friend “But he loves me.” You whisper, as if that justifies anything.

Sarah’s face breaks out in so much empathy that you swear you can hear both of your hearts break, “Love isn’t supposed to be that hard.” She says and you suck in a harsh breath, “He does love you but…not in the way you deserve.”

Tears roll down your cheeks once more as you respond, “How am I supposed to know what I deserve? I’ve never known anyone else’s love apart from his.”

Sarah immediately brings you into her arms, hugging you so tightly that you have no choice but to let yourself fall into the embrace.

Yeah, it's one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy

I don't understand

You and Rafe sit silently together at one of Rose’s infamous parties, your eyes trained intently on both Sarah and John B as the Routledge boy spins her around whilst watching her with such a lovesick expression that it makes your stomach churn.

You don’t think Rafe has ever looked at you in such a way.

Not even Ward argued with the fact that Sarah was dating a Pogue, JB was so fiercely in love with his daughter that everyone with eyes could see it. He worshipped the ground she walked on making you come to realisation that Rafe had never been that way with you.

Your head turns to said boy as you speak up, “Do you love me?” You ask, making Rafe slowly turn his head toward you in return, the motion slow due to how high he is.

You don’t think he’s been sober properly since you got together, and you know he won’t be sober any time soon.

You’d helped him in every way you could, he threw it all back into your face.

He needed to figure his shit out for himself now.

“You really asking me stupid shit again?” He asks harshly, yet this time, you don’t waver in your response and you chose to ignore the lump in your throat.

“It’s a simple question, Rafe.” You state calmly, eyes twinkling with such a small amount of hope for whatever thread is hanging on in yours and Rafe’s relationship.

Rafe simply stares at you, as though he can’t bring himself to say the words he’s always eager to say when he wants to get you into bed.

You nod, hope dying out as the thread finally snaps and you unlatch the necklace he’d given you, signifying you breaking free of the prison he’d had you in for over a year.

“I hope you get better Rafe, but I don’t think you’re ever going to do that when you’re with me, I don’t want to be the thing that takes on all your shitty emotions…you need to face them for yourself.” You say, gently prying apart his clenched palm and placing the necklace there before you stand up.

Rafe is quick to follow, calling out for you as you walk away, ignoring the multiple gazes on you and the attention drawn toward you at Rafe’s desperate shouts.

Somewhere in the crowd, Sarah and John B watch with small smiles, happy you’d finally made the first step for yourself.

No, I don't understand

Two weeks later and you’re sat on the front porch at the Chateau, hair flowing softly in the morning breeze as you watch the sunrise.

Rafe had been non stop texting you during the duration of your split, words of love and hatred that you still couldn’t begin to understand no matter how hard you tried.

You did come to the realisation that he’d never even allowed you to understand him, despite how hard you’d tried.

He’d attempted to come to your house but you’d made the wise decision to crash at John B’s, rekindling your friendship with the Pogues as they welcomed you with open arms. Eyes filled with immense guilt for not realising how bad things had gotten with you and Rafe but also with so much love that you’d felt overwhelmed, you didn’t realise such love still existed.

You smile softly to yourself, eyes dancing over the colours coating the sky and you decided things would be okay.

You’d be okay.

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t0ast-ghost · 5 months

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S3 EP8 (For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky) welp that’s the longest title in tos and this is a long post because I was not normal about this episode

Let’s get it started:

- Immediate red alert with Spock in charge

- You think they ever held hands?

- What’s got Chapel so upset? She’s most likely right about whatever it is

- The way he kind of yells and then lowers his voice and just says, “Please, Christine. I promise I’ll give the captain a full report.” He’s not actually mad at her and he knows she’s just looking out for him but he’s scared

- Bones can’t say that he’s the one who’s dying. He can’t admit it out loud. He says that the cmo has it (not even gonna try and spell the diseases name)

- “Without me, Jim? You’d never find your way back.” My heart- oh my heart. He doesn’t want to be cut away from the crew, let alone Jim and Spock.

- Spock is standing in the transporter room like, ‘What is going on?’

- This asteroid looks like the planet where Tasha dies to the goop in TNG

- I was looking at McCoy about to beat someone up and then it was violently revealed to be a stunt double… obviously

- McCoy was fairing pretty well in that fight until he looked at that lady

- Kirk not only fighting to get to an injured McCoy but begging (he’s using his words cause he cares about him sooo much)

- Normal! Normal thoughts and feelings 🙂

- Okay I know not very relevant to anything but I’m appreciating the stairs shot

- “You will kneel.” All three of them just go, ‘okay’

- Absolutely stunning wardrobe, makeup, and hair for the priestess though

- “THEN LEARN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE OUR ENEMY BEFORE YOU LEARN WHAT IT MEANS TO BE OUR FRIEND.” Get fucking zapped, idiots

- mhm mhm

- Good thing Kirk’s not a doctor (especially a therapist) cause this man is NOT confidential

- Kirk looks so sad. Holy shit .

- McCoy’s like sleeping beauty, cause he’s beautiful… and sleeping I guess

- MHM YEAH. So UHM SPOCK JUST- he just grabbed McCoy’s shoulder to help him up. Why does this have me blushing???

- “Well we’d better get to the control room.” Is this just the normal procedure? Find the control room -> blow shit up

- McCoy immediately tastes the random substance

- he’s dead. (Edit: NOT McCoy! The random guy)

- He CHOSE to sit in the sluttiest way possible. No wonder everyone wants him DAMN

- ‘Bones listen, you’ve got to seduce her. For the mission.’

- I- she loves his stunning blue eyes

- “Is there a woman for you?” He takes way too long to answer this. How do you explain that she just met your two boyfriends

- I love her. I don’t care. She’s so amazing. Like “Until I saw you there was nothing in my heart. It sustained my life, but nothing more. Now it sings. I could be happy to have that feeling for a day, a week, a month…a year.”

- Hiding behind a pillar works…

- Spock and Kirk listening to Natira asking the god if she can have McCoy as her mate and both of them look so ready to attack

- GET ZAPPED IDIOTS

- “for me” 🥺🥺🥺

- THE FUCKING HAND KISS

- “You’re returning with us.” “Dr. McCoy I order you to return with us.” Kirk knows this won’t work but he’s desperately clinging onto any last thing that could keep them together

- “Your decision is most illogical, Doctor.” “Is it, Mr Spock? Is it really?” IM SORRY THIS MOMENT?!? are we? are we not going to talk about this? There’s no real fight between them here. It’s Spock telling McCoy this is ‘illogical’ because he doesn’t want him to leave. And McCoy’s reply is calling Spock out, basically acknowledging that he knows what Spock is saying but also challenging him to find another reason for him to actually stay :(((((((((

- Kirk’s going to cry. That long look from McCoy looks like he’s going to cry. He’s going to cry. I’m going to cry.

- After the breakup :( Kirk is in silent hurt and Spock is pouting (he’s gonna listen to Logical by Olivia Rodrigo after this)

- WOW. McCoy wasn’t sure if they’d actually leave him. I think, if I may speculate, that McCoy was expecting rejection (as a doctor, crew member, friend even) because of his illness. Then Natira wants him, and as she states, she’ll have him for however long she can. Now, McCoy thinking that he’ll inevitably get pushed aside by the people he’s closest to is testing them. It’s a win- win situation for him, right? Either Spock and Kirk force him to go back with them, proving they won’t leave him, or he stays with Natira for the rest of his days. Ideal situation… but I don’t think he actually thought they’d leave him.

- congrats on the marriage I guess

- I like how McCoy is still in his starfleet uniform… no I do not, let him change clothes

- “Starfleet command will take care of the situation.” They’re gonna blow it up.

- “An urgent call from dr. McCoy, sir.” This is like after a break up texting, ‘you up?’

- McCoy stops answering the phone so Kirk and Spock immediately beam down to the planet they’re banned from to save him <3

- That was a fast divorce. This is the second time that they’ve helped each other divorce someone.

- THEYRE BEING PUT IN AN OVEN

- If McCoy and Natira went to an event together everyone there would fall in love with both of them immediately

- The chin tilt. He looks down and she tilts his chin back up. I love them both

- “Which indicates that the flow of oxygen to each cell of your body is back up to its abundantly energetic level.” Spock says this and is basically smiling in relief (you have to see it to believe it)

- Kirk is still in support of his boyfriend’s wife

Honestly 10/10 episode. Thank you so much for this one.

Masterpost

Episode written by Rik Vollaerts

#star trek #star trek tos #star trek the original series #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #tos spock #leonard bones mccoy #tos bones #tos mccoy #captain james kirk #jim kirk #tos kirk

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kazistired · 2 years

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I don’t know how to do the “under the cut” thing so I’m sorry about how long this post is.

Okay guys, here’s my reactions to The School for Good and Evil movie (this was me taking notes as I watched).

THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE

Live reactions:

-KIIIIIIIT

-His guyliner is on point

-KITS MAKEUP IS AMAZING OH MY GOOOOSH

-THEY PULLED A LIV AND MADDIE WOW

-Dang, the CGI is both good and bad, wow

-okay the opening scene? The dialogue is a little cheesy but WHO CARES ITS KIT YOUNG

-first scene over and it’s already very different from the book

-SOPHIA ANNE CARUSO MY QUEEN I LOVE HER

-AGATHA. QUEEN. HECK YEAH

-they changed her mom from a healer to a wannabe witch. Weird

-they gave them more of a backstory together it’s so cute

-THEYRE SO SARCASTIC I LOVE THEM

-oh my gosh they’re so gay in this haha

-the girl playing Agatha looks so familiar

-white men. Scary dude. KEEP AWAY FROM HER YOU DRUNK WHITE ADULT MAN

-HE PULLED A KNIFE ON HER OH MY GOSH

-SOPHIE TO THE RESCUE RAPUNZEL STYLE WITH THE FRYING PAN AAAAAHHHH

-they’re gay your honor

-they’re screwing around with the people’s knowledge of the school. They didn’t know about it until now. That’s weird

-And there’s Sophie being Sophie. Good for you

-the way Sophia plays Sophie gives Lydia Deetz vibes. Maybe it’s cuz she’s the only other character I’ve seen her play, idk

-They’re a lot better friends in the movie than in the book. I think I like it

-they don’t have the whole “shadow kidnapping people every four years and the town knows and tries to stop it” thing

-at least they still have the scary bird

-they don’t set Sophie up as much as a brat before the school so it’s confusing

-the animation for the wolves isn’t very good

-THE FAERIES ARE FREAKY

-the school for evil is full of gender whyyyyyyyyy

-mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. (Red hair lady)

-mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. Mommy? Sorry. (Professor Dovey)

-dang lady 360 much?

-Tedros isn’t blonde. It’s a stupid thing to be petty about but okay

-Hort’s voice is very gender

-WHO’S THIS CUPID HARPY DUDE?????

-“CLOSE. DOESN’T. CUT IT. UGH.” Mommy, sorry

-Kit Young materializing in a column of blood? Yeah, okay, why not?

-Hester spits sparks. Dang

-THEY PUT BRUTAL BY OLIVIA RODRIGO IN HERE AAAAHHHHHH

-Gregor is a KING. I love him

-Sophie just straight up kissed a random dude and it was hilarious

-“I thought gnomes were supposed to be short.” “And I thought princesses were supposed to be likable.” HAHAHAHAHAHA

-Agatha and Tedros’s interactions are weird. Not as cagey as in the book.

-the props are painfully obviously props. Specifically the gnome’s staff

-WHY ISNT THE BLUE FOREST BLUE?????? ITS GOT A BLUEISH FOG AND THATS IT. IM LIVID.

-I like the pink little monster flower. It’s adorable. So cute. I love them

-someone get Gregor out of there and give him his grocery store

-SOMEONE. SAVE. GREGOR. PLEASE.

-NOOOOOO GREGOR!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEY FRICKING LIGHTNING ZAPPED HIM TO DEATH OH MY GOSH WHY???????? WHY????????????????

-Lesso is BACK. Mommy, sorry, mommy, sorry

-why does Hort look like the front man of an emo band? Love him haha

-“Why don’t you go find someone else to go have mommy issues with” DAAAANG SOPHIE

-Hester is hot. Very. Hot.

-oh yeah, I forgot about the bees

-op the bees formed Kit Young. Kit Young covered in bees.

-Lesso’s got a thing for Rafal (Kit Young’s character). Wow

-okay but why is the scene with Hester putting her demon tattoo back actually heart wrenching?

-Lesso and her freaky love of Rafal. Dang.

-THANK YOU AGATHA FOR POINTING OUT HOW WHAT HAPPENED TO GREGOR IS WRONG

-“they have weapons but we have animals” wow

-CALL THEM OUT AGATHA. GO OFF GIRL

-why are they all so shallow? My gosh, I hate this trope. I’m tired of shallow princesses

-THE WISH FISH TURNED INTO A PERSON OH MY GOSH THAT WAS COOL

-THAT PERSON IS LITERALLY A CHILD OH MY GOSH AND THE CHILD FRICKING DIES IN A CLOUD OF GLITTER WHAT THE HECK

-oh yeah here’s the animal scene where they want Agatha to free them

-GREGOR GOT TURNED INTO A SKELETON BIRD OH MY GOSH

-WAIT TEDROS KILLS HIM IN THE BOOK

-NOOOOOOO TEDROS KILLED HIM I WAS RIGHT

-“Good used to be good and true. Now we are in the age of self-centered perfectionism” ha true

-there’s always a wolf playing the organ I love him

-Sophie is so pretty oh my gosh. She’s gorgeous

-wow, the doom room already? They’re really skipping a lot of stuff. The Tedros and Sophie build up isn’t happening.

-aaaaaaaaaaand there goes her hair

-the fact that Lesso cut it and they don’t have Sophie kill the Beast makes me sad, cuz that’s her tipping point in the book

-Agatha spitting FACTS

-and freaky Rafal in the mirror, lovely

-I love Kit Young so much. His voice? Amazing.

-he’s got his red vampire aesthetic going and it’s hilarious. He literally just needs fangs

-Agatha getting the build up Sophie and Tedros was supposed to get, nice

-did he trip her with his sword? I dunno

-“unlock your finger glow” “master your finger glow” why does the finger glow thing sound so weird

-Hort you masochist

-the key inserting is slightly triggering

-SOPHIE BURSTS IN LOOKING LIKE A HOTTIE WHILE YOU SHOULD SEE ME IN A CROWN BY BILLIE ELISIH PLAYS????????? OH MY GOSH SHE’S SO PRETTY AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

-They’re montaging her bonding with her coven. No development. Just sudden friendship. Even Hester is in on it

-Sophie is hot. So hot. Her dress in the archery scene? Oh my gosh

-This is a two hour movie, I just realized that. I still have an hour left

-Agatha helping Sophie cheat. Good job.

-and now Agatha is getting sad

-Hester…. Hesterrrrrr….. I’m gay

-“you promise” word choice besties

-so…. The trial by tale isn’t a school event in the movie? Really?

-Hort really holds gender in every other shot. Sometimes he’s meh and others I want to look like that

-Bestie don’t announce your location to a dangerous forest at night

-okay from certain angles Sophie with this hair cut looks like Kallmekris (YouTuber)

-FRICKING REAPER SCARECROW THATS TERRIFYING

-HA Tedros got yeeted

-WHAT IN THE FREAKY GHOST STORY WAS THAT CRAWLING PUMPKIN REAPER????? I DID A PROJECT ON A GHOST LIKE THAT IN SOCIOLOGY AND IT MESSED ME UP FOR WEEKS

-reaper go boom

-Sophie is starting to craaaaack

-AND THERE’S KIT IN HIS VAMPIRE COSPLAY AGAIN

-Dovey’s acting needs work

-okay, the Never’s dorm is top notch

-Agatha is bisexual and Sophie is a repressed lesbian. Change my mind

-op, and here comes the nemesis signs

-Kit and his vampire cosplay back at it again

-THATS SO CREEPY

-Lesso is 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

-see, in the book you don’t know which brother the school master is. Here, good is explicitly stated as the school master and Rafal is causing chaos

-“oh no she’s missing” and no one thought to check the library?

-Sophie’s nooooooooose whyyyyyy

-ooooooo, I like how they made Lesso a reader

-Tedros spitting facts

-“she’s like my sister” NAH YALL ACT TOO GAY TO BE SISTERS SORRY

-Tedros “you’re my true love” after barely interacting. Lovely.

-Sophie had a veil on how ugly is she under there?

-YO WOW SHE LOOKS LIKE MIRACLE MAX

-“quiet Aggie the protagonists are speaking” I’m stealing that, that’s such a good line

-Wow Tedros throwing Agatha under the bus

-see, if you didn’t read the book, the nemesis thing wouldn’t have made sense

-Sophie turned the teachers into wooden dolls, dang

-Agatha literally being the only one in this movie with brain cells

-Never Ball!!!!! I love it!!!!

-Sophie looking like a goblin from Gringotts

-SOPHIE’S HOT AGAIN THANK GOODNESS

-YAS QUEEN MAKE THEM UGLY

-yooooooo Hort is wearing a skirt

-awwww, they’re not ugly, their clothes are just black now

-Hester’s dress is gross

-THEYRE FIGHT SCENE IS LITERALLY A TOXIC BY BRITNEY SPEARS REMIX OH MY GOSH

-HORT IN A SKIRT IS KING LEVEL BEHAVIOR

-I love Hort. He’s my favorite

-Sophie, snap that pen

-YOOOOO THE SCHOOL MASTER WAS ACTUALLY RAFAL

-Vampire cosplay is back at it again

-wow imagine Kit Young watching this back and basically watching him kill himself

-I mean, he’s not wrong. He really did corrupt them.

-Tedros and Agatha had no build up. They had maybe two scenes and that’s it. Ugh. I hate it.

-I didn’t know I’d ever watch Jesper Fahey seduce Lydia Deetz yet here we are

-the CGI for the school’s collapsing kinda sucks not gonna lie

-wow Agatha, that’s cheesy

-what’s with 100s of years old beings wanting to marry Sophia’s character?

-and after an awful stab scene the school’s rebuild lovely

-Sophie being stabbed by the Storian was cheesy as heck

-Rafal called Excalibur an oversized butter knife and honestly good for him

-Sophie is dying so slowly my gosh

-why didn’t Agatha just grab the sword? Why waste Sophie’s fading energy to send it through the air?

-all it took to kill him was one slash? Really?

-Ha, they kissed (yes it was a kiss goodbye cuz Sophie died but whatever)

-ah yes, the magic tears trope

-goooooood morning Sophie

-so…… no teleportation? They don’t get yeeted back to their home town?

-NO WOLF/FAERIE EVER NEVER REVEAL?????? SERIOUSLY????? THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE BOOK!!!!!!

-HORT STRAIGHT UP REJECTING BEATRICE YESSSSSSS

-oh okay, they walk through a portal instead

-AGATHA STAYS????? FOR A BOY?????? THAT SHE BARELY KNOWS????? SERIOUSLY???????

-okay nevermind, she goes too

-they use their magic to make birds poop on their bullies. Nice.

-they set it up for a second movie. Good for them.

Okay, so basically they hit enough of their basic plot points to make it through but honestly? Wasn’t the best. The book was waaaaaaaaaaaaaay better.

#the school for good and evil #the school for good and evil spoilers #the school for good and evil movie #the book is always better than the movie #what the heck did I just watch?#Kit young’s vampire cosplay #I’m very gay

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sobelowstory · 1 year

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Zap him.

With. Pleasure.

(*Leon puts his all into one last zap, Rodrigo screaming as loud as he can manage.*)

#e. leon #day 17 #act 1 #sbstory

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i-need-entertainment · 2 years

Note

I was a bit suspicious of the keep reading sign...

And the tags

Suspicious😰 of me😰😰???

Bestie I've literally never done anything in My whole life why would you accuse me of mischief😔☹😭💔

#zap stands accused for something zap didnt do✊😔#qui💔#alexa play traitor by olivia rodrigo💔💔

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fablefan · 6 years

Text

The Shape of Water AU

Hooo boy, not even a full week back in the Phineas and Ferb fandom and I’m already coming up with AU ideas.

(Some spoilers ahead, as well as some fairly gory talk. Then again, it technically is an R-rated movie.)

Ferb Fletcher and his step brother Phineas Flynn work at the government facility OWCA near the height of the Cold War - Ferb, due to his laconic nature, tends to stay more in the background and deal with mechanical maintenance, while Phineas works as one of the main engineers and architects there.

While Phineas tends to do most of the talking, Ferb is mostly mute, due to a set of scars along the sides of his throat. He’s capable of a little speech, but prefers signing in BSL, and having Phineas speak for him.

Isabella is a pie-shop owner, along with the Fireside Girls, and who welcomes all people, regardless of who they are and who they like (even if some of those people are cute, oblivious red-heads who like pie instead of pretty girls.)

Buford and Baljeet are both in charge of the movie theater below the two brother’s apartments, as well as dealing with their rent and making sure they don’t get into too much trouble.

Major Monogram is still the leader of the organization, while Carl is still his underpaid assistant. Both are unaware that two of the organization’s new recruits, Doofenshmirtz and Rodrigo, are really double agents for L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.

One day, though, something incredible is going to be housed in the facility - a strange creature, simply labelled “The Asset”. It’ll supposedly help OWCA launch animals (or even humans!) into space.

However, none of them suspected the creature to be so... aggravated, as Rodrigo soon learns when two of his fingers are bitten off... which Ferb finds, after being requested to please, please clean it up, one of our agents nearly slipped on it all, great googly-moogly it’s so gross -

Ferb also finds out something phenomenal while doing so - the Asset itself, a beautiful mermaid-like creature with ribbed, black fins and sharp, intelligent eyes. She (he refuses to call her an “it”, and she does appear to be feminine) seems to understand him just fine, and she’s curious by whatever he is.

As a scientist in his mind, he’s fascinated and curious.

As a man in his heart, he’s a little in love.

(Kept under a read more, because it got pretty long)

He starts sneaking in when the scientists are gone on break to have lunch there, beside the tank, humming and thinking of what he needs to do next. She starts coming beside him when he does, eventually taking some of the food he’s offering.

He starts teaching her BSL, and she’s a fast learner, bright and eager to know more, even a little sarcastic with him. He realizes that just calling her “the Asset” would be rather degrading, so he discreetly asks help from other people about different girl names.

There’s a bit of trial and error involved, and more then a few eggs have been taken in the process, but they eventually settle on the name “Vanessa”.

It’s beautiful. He thinks, because it’s what he does best. Just like her.

One day, though, he finds her chained and bleeding, outside the tank, deeply in pain. He’s concerned and wants to do more, but the doors open up and he can hear voices. He manages to hide when Rodrigo arrives, bearing the new cattle prod he got, and starts zapping her, taunting her.

It makes him sick to his stomach to see her so hurt, and to hear the others be so uncaring towards her.

When Major Monogram arrives, along with Doof, they’re both horrified at the sight. Rodrigo explains the only way to truly learn is to vivisect it and study it, just like any other experiment, no?

Monogram is hesitant, but agrees, while Doof knows the signs of abuse when he sees it and refuses (”You can’t just take apart some giant half-fish, half-human person, Rodrigo, it just doesn’t seem right. I mean, we’re evil and all, but that is evil.”) He notices Ferb out of the corner of his eye, but says nothing as they all leave to discuss a course of action.

Meanwhile, Ferb has already decided his - he loves Vanessa too much to let her die, especially if he can do something about it.

He’s got to get her out of here.

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portugalnet · 6 years

Link

O novo actor no jogo da televisão em Portugal chega com vontade de protagonismo: a HBO Portugal foi directamente para o streaming sem passar pela casa dos canais convencionais, porque o streaming “é o que está em ebulição”, e vai estrear todos os conteúdos da marca norte-americana em simultâneo (sim, incluindo os novos episódios de A Guerra dos Tronos). “O mercado em Portugal está maduro”, disse o presidente da HBO Europe, Hervé Payan, em conferência de imprensa esta terça-feira, e “vai explodir”.

Na conferência de imprensa, Payan prometeu produção nacional e novos horários para os devoradores de séries. O maior fenómeno televisivo global do século, A Guerra dos Tronos, é uma série HBO, e a sua última temporadachegará umas horas antes do que o esperado aos ecrãs portugueses — o SyFy tem o exclusivo televisivo e exibe os episódios às segundas à noite a partir de 15 de Abril, mas a HBO Portugal tem o exclusivo da estreia simultânea com os Estados Unidos e vai disponibilizá-los logo às 2h da manhã do mesmo dia.

Hoje somos espectadores num cenário planetário, doravante “todas as estreias serão simultâneas, sempre”, com o país de origem das séries, respondeu Payan ao PÚBLICO. “Porque se não o fizermos os piratas vão tê-las antes.”

A HBO está desde segunda-feira pela primeira vez em Portugal com um canal próprio, mas digital e não como mais um canal na lista do zapping dos operadores de TV. Porquê? “Já não fazemos canais de televisão tradicionais nos novos mercados. Fizemos isso na HBO Nordic [no mercado escandinavo] e parámos”, esclareceu Hervé Payan ao PÚBLICO, enquanto esperava para ser fotografado com os actores Rodrigo Santoro (Westworld) e Stephen Dorff (True Detective), que vieram a Portugal apresentar as suas séries. “Porque o OTT [o “over the top”, ou conteúdos distribuídos pela Internet sem a mediação de um operador] é o que está em ebulição. Os dois mercados estão a desenvolver-se, mas o OTT é muito mais interessante”, rematou.

#tugasnet

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sonhosdeescritor · 2 years

Text

Três meses depois, Marlene termina de passar o café, Zuleide e Simão ali na mesa saboreiam o bolo de morango, geléia de jaca, suco de cajá manga. - Minha nossa, filha, esta tudo uma delicia, bom demais. - Obrigada, aqui trouxe o café. Os 3 tomam café enquanto o ambiente é tomado por um som sertanejo antigo. - Não é hoje o casamento da tia do Rodrigo? - Sim, ás 10. - Nossa, providencial, terminam de assinar e ja fazem o cobre bucho. A gargalhada toma conta deles, com um atraso meigo de um mês, Carlão esta no salão do Clóvis a fazer barba, depilação do peito e pedicure. - Nossa Carlão, que te vê assim, duvida. - Qual é Rodrigo, sou homem tenho que me arrumar para a gata da sua tia. - Sei, vocês dois são loucos, isso sim. Risos. - Um pelo outro. Risos. Genilse esta no vestido de acetinado branco champanhe que comprara a quase dez anos atrás em uma proposta furada de matrimônio com um primo de terceiro grau de Tocantis. - Nossa, você é bem louquinha, casar no cartório de branco. - O que foi Odete, eu guardei essa tralha tanto tempo, agora quero usar. - Justo no dia do assino, sei não, pode dar............... - Dar porra nenhuma, eu quero ver é dar, quem vai dar e muito sou eu lá naquele hotel em Caldas Novas MG. - Olha, tá ai um acerto daqueles, ouvi dizer que o hotel é tudo de bom. - Lógico, fontes termais miga. - Viu, a louquinha quer ficar nenê. Risos. No salão do Clóvis, Carlão termina o corte e a barba, seus pe´s ficaram perfeitos e ele é direcionado para o uforô de banho com leite de rosas.

Nossa, isso é muito fresco, não.

Vai logo, entre ai na sua que eu entro aqui.

Sabe Carlão, eu não me sinto muito bem fazendo isso aqui.

Nem eu, por isso que te trouxe, amigo e agora somos parentes.

Que parentes, não viaja, você vai ser marido da minha tia.

Seu tio, obedeça viu.

Tá vendo, ja tá se achando. Risos.

Tá, tá bom, mais me diz, ai como ficou você e a Rafa?

Não ficou Carlão, eu vi a pior coisa do mundo, depois eu a confrontei ela negou e nega ainda hoje, dei marcha, segui o pião, ela que se foda, bem longe de mim.

Você não a ama mais?

Sei lá, acho que vou ficar na revoada por um tempo.

Bem, o que posso te dizer, siga do seu jeito, mais tome cuidado.

Falou como tio. Risos. Rafa termina de lavar a louça na cozinha da panificadora, leva o lixo em vários sacos para o ponto específico demarcado por Simão.

Olha, ficou bem limpo aqui.

Bom dia Romeu.

O que foi, que cara foi essa?

Não gostei das mudanças viu, agora fiquei aqui pra trás e…………

Olhe, esta de aprendiz no forno, logo vai ser padeira.

Ninguém me perguntou se eu queria isso.

Olhe, garanta sua vaga, aqui ficou um mel com a vinda da dona Marlene, ela trouxe uma nova luz para este lugar.

Você tá ficando esnobe Romeu, só por que foi para gerente.

E você nem disfarça a inveja.

Eu jamais, querido. Risos. No balcão foram contratados duas moças, Zuleide fica no caixa por pouco tempo, logo entrega para Marlene que maneja tudo como que se fosse criada naquilo. O depósito de Simão também fora reformado, e novo letreiro agora luminoso fora instalado, dois rapazes na entrega e uma moça no telefone e zap, Simão esta faturando muito mais, Marlene faz diversas promoções e sorteios de brindes a cada dois meses. Vanusa termina de colocar a calcinha enquanto Nicanor vai se lavar na pia do lavatório aos fundos da loja, ela vai até o espelho ao canto, arruma os cabelos e se olha ali, terminado, vai até a prateleira e pega uma micro filmadora.

Vou ter de sair velhote.

Vai aonde coração?

Resolver algo meu.

Volta logo, sabe que tem de trabalhar.

Volto sim, coração.

Beijo.

Beijo. Ela sai mascando chicle, entra num táxi que pedira por aplicativo e 20 minutos esta numa lanchonete do outro lado, ali na sua frente a mulher de Nicanor.

Fez do jeito que combinamos?

Como me pediu.

Ele desconfia?

De nada, muito bobo.

Como sempre, a Marlene me disse.

E a grana?

Pegue, não precisa voltar.

Nem vou, obrigada. Vanusa sai deixando a mulher ali com o aparelho. 160622....................

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pattytacuri · 3 years

Text

Feb 5, 2022

The picture with me in a black top was taken exactly a year ago; the picture of me in red was taken today. I worked an 8-hour shift on 4 hours of sleep and joint pain. When I got home, I laid on the couch and watched a movie. Now, I'm lying in my bed with my energy zapped out of me. I'm probably going to read until I go to sleep. The woman that I was a year ago was used to making time to see her partner at the time after a long shift on little sleep and joint pain. Today, I wonder how I did it. I really wonder how I didn't break sooner. I mean, some weeks, I was working 68 hours and still made time to see my partner. I guess when you love someone, somehow you find the time and energy for your person. Maybe that's why I still get sad sometimes about the breakup 😕. And maybe this is super tire me talking . I mean, right now, I can't even manage the energy to write in my journal, which is okay. I'm listening to my body's need to rest. But last year, my urgency to see my partner was stronger than anything my body had to tell me. Sigh. I guess the lesson in all of this is that I really need to prioritize myself first for a really long time without anyone else in the picture. Tonight, I have the tranquility and peace to just be, and I'm honestly grateful for that. To lie in this bed without giving any fucks feels like I luxury well deserved. 😌

#real life #truth #feelings #life lessons #life #bpd mood #i am tired #2nd job #luxury #Spotify

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honeysucklw-archive · 3 years

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11, 29, 56, 89, 99

SPOTIFY WRAPPED IS HERE! (open)

11: Come On - Michael Paskalev

29: Divine Intervention - Taking Back Sunday

56: happier - Olivia Rodrigo

89: Zap Zum - Pabllo Vittar

99: Vials - Miss Vincent

MEU ANJOOOOOO ME DIZ QUAL O PLANETA QUE VOCE ESTAAAAA

#◜🍨◞⠀ 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒎𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒔⠀⊹⠀answered asks.⠀◜♡◞#thanks loml ❤️❤️❤️

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queijodalagoamg · 3 years

Photo

Além da cara e da coragem; Além da raça e da garra; Além da boa intenção e da força de vontade! O que mais você tem pra vender o queijo ou outro produto artesanal? Você tem Departamento de Marketing? Você tem agência de Publicidade? Vou ministrar uma Aula Magna: Marketing para Pequenos Produtores Artesanais & Lojistas dia 16/06 às 19:00hs. Quer fazer da primeira turma? Responda Eu Quero nos comentários que te mando o link para entrar no grupo (não vai encher seu Zap de msgs, pois só os Adms que mandarão poucas mensagens). Se você conhece algum pequeno produtor artesanal (de queijo, azeite, cerveja, vinho, charcutaria, doces, geleias, mel, etc) avisa ele (clica no aviãozinho e manda pra ele este post ou marca eles nos comentários). A aula será a on-line (não vou chamar de #masterclass pra vc não ficar pensando que vai ser um trem chato com palavras em inglês). Esses dias o Rodrigo da @pamonhariaimperiodomilho perguntou: - Quem faz pamonha pode fazer o curso? Claro que pode! Se você é produtor artesanal vem com a gente! Se você é lojista e comercializa produtos artesanais esta aula também é pra você! Haverá um módulo exclusivo tratando dos lojistas! Confesso que estou super empolgado pra compartilhar o meu conhecimento e minha experiência em marketing com vocês! 🧀 Queijo D’Alagoa-MG: O Sabor Mineiro da Mantiqueira! - Como comprar o queijo? 🛒 Pelo site: www.queijodalagoa.com.br (entregamos em todo Brasil); 📞 pelo Zap do SAC: (35) 9988 5 6638 ou em algum Revendedor Autorizado! #queijodalagoamg _ __ ___ #mktppa #aulamagna #cervejaartesanal #azeite #geleias #queijo #queijos #instaqueijo #queijoartesanal #instavinho #pequenoprodutor #minasgeraisuai #engajamento #queijomedalhudo #aulademarketing (em Queijo d'Alagoa/MG) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPWkQPnrQO9/?utm_medium=tumblr

#masterclass #queijodalagoamg #mktppa #aulamagna #cervejaartesanal #azeite #geleias #queijo #queijos #instaqueijo #queijoartesanal #instavinho #pequenoprodutor #minasgeraisuai #engajamento #queijomedalhudo #aulademarketing

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 06/02/2021 (Fredo’s Money Can’t Buy Happiness)

This is an odd, scattered week - a slow one thankfully for the day after my birthday - but we do have a bigger album bomb than I expected from Fredo, even if “drivers license” is still at #1 for a fourth week, blocking EDM remixes of sea shanties because of course, it’s the UK after all. Let’s just get back into REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Now, I predicted last week that Fredo would have two songs debut high up on the chart from his most recent album, Money Can’t Buy Happiness, and the pre-release single “Back to Basics” would rise to the top 10. That didn’t exactly happen, as “Back to Basics” actually dropped out of the chart off of the debut for being one of the lowest-performing Fredo tracks, or at least less successful than the three songs that debuted, as that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows. Speaking of drop-outs from the UK Top 75, they’re all mostly inconsequential, made up of recent debuts like “Wellerman” by the Longest Johns and “Bad Boy” by the late Juice WRLD and Young Thug. In terms of notable drop-offs, we do have some arguably premature falls for minor hits, like “champagne problems” by Taylor Swift, “Body” by Megan Thee Stallion, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco, and, finally, “Diamonds” by Sam Smith. This is a slow week outside of the top 40, so we just have some spare oddities to cover outside of the drop-outs. For our fallers, we have “34+35” by Ariana Grande fading its remix boost at #14, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #30, “SO DONE” by The Kid Yaoi at #52, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #54, “Lo Vas A Olvidar” by Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA at #64 off of the debut and a couple real crashes at the tail-end of the top 75, those being “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #71, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #72, “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone featuring Chip at #73 and “Dynamite” by BTS at #75. This may explain the otherwise inexplicable returns for songs that are always clinging onto the back half of the chart, like “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #74, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #70 and, incredibly, “Mr Brightside” by the Killers at #68, the highest it’s been in a while (and that’s a feat considering how long it stays on the damn chart). For gains, we’re really not picking up much traction here. Sure, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is back at #73 for some reason, but otherwise we just have middling songs with middling gains, like “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #61, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #59, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles rebounding to #44, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S making a surprising and scary gain to #42 (and I’ll admit, I’ve warmed up to it quickly), “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra clawing back in the top 40 at #39, “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself up to #24 (Please don’t make this a hit) and finally, “Streets” by Doja Cat continuing its rise up to #12. Oh, yeah, and “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter is down to #41 off of the debut but everyone’s forgotten about that song considering how big “drivers license” still is, so yeah, let’s just get to our new arrivals, because we do have some interesting things to touch on this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#66 – “Higher” – Clean Bandit featuring iann dior

Produced by Mark Ralph, Grace Chatto and Jack Patterson

Well, they made a song with 24kGoldn, and that was awful, so... I guess it’s Puerto Rican emo-rapper iann dior’s turn. They might as well remix “Mood” while they’re at it. Instead of Mabel filling in for the singing where 24kGoldn couldn’t on “Tick Tock”, however, we have honestly a less charismatic singer in iann dior playing all the parts, without a rap verse to speak of. Okay, so this could work if he just fills in the spot of generic anonymous singer, and it fits exactly within that mold if he wants to, even though that’ll take away any of the character he had – not that any of that character was likeable or interesting, but hey, baby, he is not your dad, so maybe he’ll blend in well with Clean Bandit’s decreasingly unique production. This is a tropical EDM track where iann dior’s non-existent range and raspy, uncaring tone zaps the energy out of the touches of steel drums and orchestral stabs. This drop is nothing more than a vocaloid loop, and a pathetic one at that, with iann dior’s really gross falsetto proving that Auto-Tune can’t really fix bad singing, not that it needed to be proven. The lyrics here are nothing to write home about, wrapping a love song with ocean metaphors probably just so he can say “I’mma get her wet, oh, baby, then slide”... Gross. There’s like zero build-up to this drop at all as well, so there’s no stakes, no climax, and hence not a good EDM track. Come on, Dan Smith of Bastille wrote this, can’t he get the lead vocal? At least it would sound competent.

#63 – “Grown Flex” – Chip featuring Bugzy Malone

Produced by the Fanatix

Ah, my favourite duo. Apparently this is from a Chip album that I didn’t even know existed, thankfully because it’s 21 tracks, over an hour, with two consecutive Young Adz features. “Grown Flex” is another collaboration with Bugzy Malone, probably here because of the video and the sample of iconic UK bass tune “Heartbroken” by T2, one of the most popular songs in that wave of EDM and a pretty damn great song. It has been sampled before by people like DJ Khaled and Drake but no-one’s made a better song, so maybe these formerly feuding Londoners can make a good song with this sample as the base? That isn’t a question actually, but if it was, the answer would be no. They pitch up the (honestly ahead of its time) vocaloid loop, and put an obnoxious UK garage-adjacent drum loop over it that’s barely on beat with all of the chiptune sound effects distracting from Chip’s also off-beat flow. The chorus is really awkward, with him being off-beat and uncredited female vocal backing vocals with entirely different vocal processing coming in and sounding equally janky. This beat isn’t broken inherently, it could work but it’s too shrouded in these two rappers void of personality. Bugzy Malone is here but his rough tone does not work on this beat, regardless of how much he wants to pretend there’s any melody to his drawl with the Auto-Tune and multi-tracking. He’s still somehow the best part though because, yeah, this is just... incredibly awful. The production is onto something by the end with the horns coming in but they immediately fade out and eventually it just abruptly cuts to some pointless chiptune beeping sounds that have been there the whole time but play alone right at the end for no reason. This is aggravating, I know I’m pretty much nit-picking but there’s nothing of substance to pick apart here anyway. This is pure incompetence and a butchering of a good sample... that they should be allowed to use freely, though, by the way. Abolish copyright law.

#62 – “Ride for Me” – B Young

Produced by Mike Spencer and Pacific

Since everyone seems to have forgotten how to actually make music this week, at least we can always count on B Young... okay, no, but at least he’s given up on trying to be a rapper or R&B singer at this point, as a lane of generic guitar-pop probably would work best for the guy’s voice. I mean, we have an acoustic loop here that sounds like it’s jacked straight from a Shawn Mendes demo. At least the incompetence here is charming, with his rougher vocals being a pretty nice contrast from the otherwise kind of ugly mixing, especially on the flat percussion. I do like the lyrics here, as he’s simply love-struck and enjoys the company of this woman, for more than just sex and appearances. He just hopes that things don’t change and the relationship lasts forever. Sure, it’s shallow but it seems genuine. Sure, there’s some drug references and him being pushy to ask her for no make-up, though it does come off as just enjoying her presence instead of any stuck-up preference, especially since he offers his tracksuit and they end up watching some crap Netflix original film. Yeah, this is just a sweet track if nothing else. Since I did do a full song review for his song “Jumanji” years back, I feel a weird sense of almost parenthood for this guy, like I’ve seen him grow and finally he’s made a good song, even if it’s a bit out of his wheel-house. He’s never not been genuine, just only now that’s given him some more likeability, even if it’s just to make a cute love song. He sounds like a good boyfriend, and that’s really the appeal of the song, so, yeah, good job. I’m honestly kind of surprised.

#60 – “Gravity” – Brent Faiyaz and DJ Dahi featuring Tyler, the Creator

Produced by DJ Dahi

This is the most frustrating song I’ve heard this year so far, I’m almost fascinated by it. Before we get into that, I’d like to say that it’s good to see Brent Faiyaz finally debuting a song relatively high, and this is DJ Dahi’s first ever credited UK Singles Chart entry, although he’s produced top 40 hits before for Kendrick Lamar. Faiyaz has been a bubbling artist in R&B for the past few years, and honestly he might have had the most successful career off of the three artists that propelled themselves off of the back of “Crew” with GoldLink and Shy Glizzy. It was a minor hit that ended up producing no rising stars until around five years later, where we have a genuine hit potentially coming from the guy who sung the chorus, of course with some help from Tyler, the Creator. I do think this song is good but owes a lot to that to the production and charisma of our artists, as I can pick this apart way too easily for my taste. This beat is good, with some incredible guitar work from Steve Lacy as he would always deliver, but feels very aimless, especially with the pointless air horns in the background that if anything distract from Brent Faiyaz, who needs room to breathe. I mean, he’s an R&B singer, of course he does. The beat takes certain left turns during the verses that seem like meanders and if it’s not deflating any of its groove for the sake of guitar loops, it’s got this really tense percussion that does not work for the content or performances here, which are both pretty checked-out, especially Tyler, who’s as stiff as always but without any really interesting lyrical moments or a shift of flow. It’s one of his worst verses in my opinion, and he really goes in one ear and out the other with how short it is, which surprises me because of how Tyler usually either steals the show or meshes really well with his collaborators. So, our two performers are mostly checked-out with little to no chemistry, and the beat is awkward and unfitting for the content, which is about them being brought back down to Earth by their loved ones, hence the name, despite their travel habits due to touring – which isn’t a thing that’s happening right now at all, so maybe this’ll be a slow burn hit before it can really resonate. If we listen to these lyrics more closely, we also don’t get the sense that Brent Faiyaz is even likeable here, as we have no reason given for this woman to not feel uncomfortable that he’s paying little attention to her. Instead, Faiyaz just comes off a dismissive ass to this undeserving woman who is reasonably upset at the lack of time spent with him. It’s never made clear that she’s pestering him, so I honestly don’t get how Faiyaz wants to frame this. It doesn’t help that Tyler has the opposite reaction, longing for his partner when he’s on tour instead of feeling annoyed by her, but ultimately with no interplay so this means nothing. Oh, and if the songwriting weren’t janky enough, the chorus is barely catchy and covered in pitch-shifted multi-tracking that takes any of the focus off of Brent Faiyaz, who’s constantly crushed by backing vocals, being pitched down for no reason with unnecessary censor bleeps when they both swear freely at other points in the song. This type of maximalist production works but only when there’s any grandiosity to make it feel warranted, and if there isn’t that, the gunshot percussion is out of place and there ends up being a lot of empty space. There’s nothing smooth about this, and that’s frustrating as you’d expect these three to bring a really relaxed tune with some great 70s soul vibes and... I mean, that’s obviously what they’re going for here, but it is painfully over-produced and ultimately immensely disappointing. I can see people enjoying this a lot but no, this doesn’t work for me at all. Sorry.

#45 – “Dancing on Ice” – Yxng Bane featuring Nafe Smallz and M Huncho

Produced by Don Alfonso and Quincy Tellem

Oh, Jesus Christ, these guys again... and Yxng Bane, I guess. So, you know what the deal is with this UK ‘trap-wave’ type stuff, right? There’s a vaguely interesting synth loop drowned out by cheap percussion and crap bass mastering, as well as awfully processed vocals from everyone involved. They can trade verses, but more often than not don’t say anything that doesn’t embarrass themselves. You get a sense of really toxic masculinity, misogyny and materialism without any charm in their delivery, inflections or wordplay – which is usually non-existent. Here, it’s not any different. Yxng Bane has some good melodic flows – and I really like his line about his Rolex Presidential Watch being discontinued but since he’s “going Donald”, he wears it anyway – but he also threatens... presumably the listener with gay conversion therapy in the first line of the verse, so all good will’s lost. Nafe Smallz sounds better than usual but his nasal flow is still whiny and insufferable, and M Huncho is here to waste time and sound bad doing it, although he’s probably the least worst sounding vocally out of these three clowns. I misread his line about his rucksack being heavy as “nutsack”, and that’s all the positive engagement I could claw out of this. I ask this every time but honestly, who listens to this?

#21 – “Ready” – Fredo featuring Summer Walker

Produced by Mojam

Much like the end of a Morrisons sweet aisle, past this point, it’s all Fredo. Admittedly, I didn’t end up listening to the record but I have heard a select few songs, this being one of them, and I’m not really a fan. I do like the eerie loop but it seems a bit unfitting for a triumphant flex song emphasising a rags-from-riches narrative, especially since the mix really crushes both Fredo and Summer Walker in this blend of boring skittering trap percussion and the ambiance, making her hook impact a lot less. Fredo’s verses are pretty damn heartfelt, I’ll admit, and I really like his lines about pleading with God that he should be let into Heaven. In fact, Fredo’s bars are pretty consistently great, focusing on how his criminal past in the streets of London refuses to escape him despite his efforts to make it out using rap, and by the end, he sounds pretty defeated when he says, “Yeah, I’m lonely, but that’s just a player’s life”. Honestly, for a song that initially builds itself up to be a triumphant flex song, it ends up just being kind of sad, and that’s fine, more fitting for the instrumental but it really makes the hook feel even more out of place. Ah, well, the song’s fine, really, just a blend of ideas that never really stick the landing together.

#18 – “Burner on Deck” – Fredo featuring Pop Smoke and Young Adz

Produced by RicoRunDat and Yoz Beats

Now this is what I want from Fredo. Now, this is posthumous in Pop Smoke’s case but it’s far from an unexpected feature, as whilst this is one of his first UK drill collaborations, Pop Smoke was known for his pioneering of the New York style of London’s grittier, more menacing drill music, and even named Fredo and Young Adz as some of his favourite rappers. Okay, so he had questionable taste – I mean, Young Adz? - but Pop Smoke felt more of a connection between New York and London beyond just instrumentals, with a shared slang, street culture and arguably most importantly, inequality. This is all cited from a Complex interview, by the way, but you can tell even from his music what a great respect he had for British hip-hop, especially considering his main producer, 808 Melo, is from London. The song itself is pretty great too, relying on these spacey synth loops that build up with more eerie keys before finally crashing into an intense drill beat, with all artists sharing the Auto-Tuned hook, but Young Adz probably shining the most in how he plays off of Pop Smoke’s deeper, rich voice with his nasal whine. The lyrics may be generic gunplay and flexing, but the delivery saves it for me, with Fredo enthusiastically shouting out Gorillaz of all people, and the chorus being way smoother than it would usually be for a drill track, as well as being really catchy. Pop Smoke absolutely kills it here, going with his typical stiff, fast-paced flow for a verse that is really short but just as powerful as he usually delivers. You can tell this was made for this track as well from the interplay on the hook and him shouting out Young Adz in his verse. Fredo pretty much completes the second verse by chiming in and showing more of the charm I enjoy from him as he mentions coughing the bar before he coughs for basically an entire bar. It caught me off-guard at full listen and it still leads in perfectly to the oddly-mixed sombre piano that comes in for the final hook. With a better mix – and even then, it kind of works without it – and maybe some extended verses from both London and New York drill artists, this could bang even harder. Maybe for a remix, this beat could bring the best out of Swarmz, DigDat, AJ Tracey, Hardy Caprio, Tion Wayne, Fivio Foreign even... I could go on, this could be a great posse cut. As it is, it’s still pretty damn good, and again, rest in peace to the late Pop Smoke.

#3 – “Money Talks” – Fredo featuring Dave

Produced by Dave

At first, I was surprised this debuted at #3, which seems high for a British rap track, but then I remembered that the last time these guys collaborated on a single it debuted at #1 without an album attached, and it helped that “Funky Friday” is also a great song, admittedly something I didn’t think at the time. It does make perfect sense that this debuts so high, especially since this album was actually executively-produced by Dave, so given these guys’ track records together and alone, I did expect something great, and, well... okay, so instead of a drill beat as this pretty vocal sample would be fit for, as would the flows, we get a lightweight trap beat with odd vocal and bass mixing. Admittedly, the 808 slides here are pretty excellent, but that’s the only shred of intricacy I see here, which is usually commonplace in Dave’s production. There’s also simply not enough consistency or variety here to make it worth the four and a half minutes, with the chorus being awkward if anything. There’s less depth to the rags-to-riches stories here, with Fredo probably giving more commentary than Dave does, which seems odd but fitting for how checked-out Dave is here. There’s just a resounding lack of anything to this song other than a boring beat and performances that could be a lot sharper and interesting. Sure, Dave flexes his technical piano skill by the end but the beat had already run dry by about two extra minutes before that – this could have run through your second verse, Dave, or you could have added a bridge instead of repeating the chorus. I do like some of the lines here that are obviously more personal and introspective, like Fredo’s conflict with the justice system and Dave explaining how he got robbed when he was a child and to cope with the trauma of this, he started toting weapons. I guess the EastEnders reference is funny but it just reminds me of DigDat making a similar cocaine joke with arguably funnier source material on “Guten Tag”. Yeah, this could be a lot better but it’s not offensive and hey, it’s competent at least. I mean, it’s Dave, it won’t be anything less, just a tad disappointing. I mean, come on, “coochie freshly shaven, man’s got expectations”?

Conclusion

This week is so disproportionately male, huh? Ironically as I say that, none of the women represented here – in the form of soulless EDM production and boring guest feature – get Best of the Week, as that’s going to Fredo’s “Burner on Deck” featuring the late Pop Smoke and, yes, Young Adz, with an Honourable Mention to B Young of all people for “Ride for Me”. Worst of the Week will obviously go to Chip and Bugzy Malone for the pathetic “Grown Flex”, with a tied Dishonourable Mention this week going to both “Dancing on Ice” by Yxng Bane featuring Nafe Smallz (for being gross and offensive) and “Higher” by Clean Bandit featuring iann dior (for being remarkably inoffensive). Yeah, Brent Faiyaz and Tyler are safe there but that’s still a fascinatingly bad song, though I don’t think I’ll make any friends with that opinion. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for this week:

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed and want more of my cacti-branded rambling, follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank. I can’t make any predictions for next week that aren’t depressing, but we may have to discuss death and politics next episode if a certain song gets renewed traction. Happy times. See you next week!

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