#roman rambles

[starfleetacademy]

Why is this the example in my textbook about public v private language

[instantromannoodles]

Don't mind me just venting out an idea

Okay so I saw someone talking about a kinda 'Dirty girl' situation for Michie but like Max about Richie and that idea has not left my thoughts all day but I also think about it with Richie about Max, so what if I did a three part fic with one chapter about Max thinking about Richie and one about Richie thinking about Max and the third one would be them actually being together for real, because I thought it be fun to play around with how they would think of the other verses how they would actually be, if that makes sense, like we know Max liked Grace because she was all religious and well for lack of better terms a prude, so it's safe to assume Max likes that idea Max would think about Richie being all shy and Max has a quite an ego (I am Jagerman, I am God) but also seems a little insecure (don't need no one to tell me high school will be my peak) so of course he would also think about Richie telling him how strong and handsome he is. And Richie wouldn't really know Max only the bully and jock attitude he sees at school, so his idea of Max would be brash and dominant, and rough (but like all in a good way). But then I thought it would be interesting to see how they actually would be together how their ideas of each were at points right or wrong, how they assumed things but actually get to see what was real and what was a fantasy (and of that reality was better than fantasy)

Anyway hope this made sense and that some read this and is maybe interested in me actually making this because this thought won't leave my mind

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hey all!!

I've been trying to write this post for forever but uhhh yes I suppose it's a lot easier to do a quick primer first but uhh

I'm so so sorry I don't answer asks! And I want to change that soon.

[a LONG post about autism, blog updates, and PDA]

TL;DR: I have Pathological Demand Avoidance, but I'm growing from it and hope to become more social on here in the near future!

If you've seen me asks or messages, I promise I don't hate you!! I love you!! I'm so serious

Soon I plan on making a longer post explaining what I've been preoccupied with, and also changes I want to make to this blog in the near future (all small and good!)

But to put it shortly -

I've been suffering from Pathological Demand Avoidance SO HARD and it's been something I've struggled with for some time.

If you don't know Pathological Demand Avoidance - or more accurately named Pervasive Drive for Autonomy - is a profile of autism:

In short though - because asked to do something, ANYTHING, even indirectly makes my brain stall. I know it sounds ridiculous.

It's not even in a cute anarchist 'I don't have to listen to you!!' type of way. Fam it's. EVERYTHING.

It's not so much the activity that's triggering it. I LOVE talking to people so much, but... like, speaking in conversation is like a demand. Someone calling my name is a demand, doing homework, showing up to places on time, brushing my teeth everyday etc.

It's often why young children with autism may not respond to you talking to them, say 'I can't do x, my legs don't work!!', hide when expected to do things, literally REFUSE to go to school (big me thing), etc.

It's linked to the diagnosis (and misdiagnosis) of 'Oppositional Defiance Disorder'.

That's why I may seem very extroverted (which I am!! ILY!!!) but I don't ever appear to talk to anybody or react to them.

For example - It's more likely for me to add to a tag game if I'm not tagged because when I am, I feel really happy to be thought of but then 'Oh God I have to do a thing. Not right now but soon. The thing I have to do. That eventually must be done. I have committed and I must Do Something. Me doing the thing is approaching. The inevitable thing. That must be done. The inescapable thing'.

ON & ON regardless of what it is. I'm not opposed to doing whatever it is, the demand could be completely self-imposed. I'm just opposed to doing something.

Anything preplanned, asked, or expected of me.

That's why I often abandon fics, or say I'll write an essay and then don't do it. I still remember, but finishing the essay becomes a self imposed demand and then.. I can't do it lol

All in all - this can kinda make notifications really hard for me.

@spidey-bie can tell you, even in discord I'm a little lurking gremlin who is only summoned at inopportune moments and when someone has pissed me off

Usually, my response is ALWAYS flight. I may like an ask or message and enjoy it, even have a response in mind - but instead of answer my immediate reaction to is abort mission and FULLY close the app and find the nearest corner, or try my best to appear offline.

IT'S WEIRD.

I have no idea if others will understand what I'm trying to convey because I know the concept may sound bizarre, and I get that. It really was a concept I only really learned about recently.

But that's why I mean seem very talkative and hyperverbal and bubbly but also like never appear to be social with anyone ever.

PDA is like -

Me: oh wow this person is so sweet. I consider them a friend, I should message them back.

My brain: Yeah.

Me:... message them back.

My brain: fuck you. anyway write an essay literally no one demanded

Me: Why? Can I at least write that fic that I left hanging for eight months

My brain: No someone complimented you on that once and now there's Demand. Write something 100% unrelated.

Me: *starts writing an essay no one asked for and doesn't even finish it because finishing it has become a demand even though I'm the only one who even knows the essay exists in the first place*

Like girl be so fr. Even saying this I feel like it sounds like a lie 😭 I got Hobie brain. Some old 'I'll do it but not because you told me to' headass.

I'm Miguel and my brain wanna 'Nah imma do my own thing' on some Miles shit.

Guess how many drafts I have. Guess. WRONG. TWO HUNDRED.

Nah be forreal is that normal? Y'all got that or nah? Is that common I'm being deadass 😭😭

And girl I'm not even gonna show the number in my inbox cause I'd rather be tarred and feathered than indure that humiliation imma be honest 😐 rather be burned at the stake

But I know that me being so active and like... Not Responding can be very hurtful and I'm so sorry!!

Though I know that didn't make up for it. I know it can make me come off as fake or mean but that's not my intention at all, I promise.

Honestly I just have a brain where everyday feels like opposite day.

But I'm a grown ass person and uh!! I want to change that response.

So please don't stop replying or tagging me in things! I genuinely do love it 💖

This blog is really one of my favorite places in planet Earth and I love this community SO SO MUCH.

Going forward I want to invest more time here and just meta writing in specific.

I'm thinking (girl I'm phrasing this SO CAREFULLY so my brain doesn't think it's a demand like shh I hope the autism doesn't hear me) -

I'd like to maybe designate a day for asks to be answered/queued (as many as I can pump out) because I really love talking with y'all and y'all have SUCH good ideas

I'm hoping to do more Spidersona stuff but I'MA HAVE TO PACE MYSELF OKAY that's not a Demand autism we're just having nice hopeful thoughts NOT A DEMAND

So uhh I don't know how I'll encorporate more Spidersona stuff but yeah... It'll happen.

Other stuff too. Other stuff.

[Notice how I have to be like 'I'm hoping, I'm thinking, I might, I'd like to,'. I'm ALLERGIC to 'I will' 🤢🤢🤢]

I plan on making another life update post just to clear up some things maybe talk more specifics. I'm thinking Tuesdays or Thursdays -

I'll most likely close my ask just to pump out the asks that are still relevant time wise.

I'd also like to take more about PDA in short posts of if anyone is interested. Honestly, I think there are some advantages to PDA.

YES I HEADCANON HOBIE AS HAVING IT.

I DON'T FOLLOW ORDERS NEITHER DOES HE.

Save me Hobie.. Hobie save me (I be using him to internally justify my PDA.. 'like Hobie wouldn't want me to answer this linkdin email' 😭😭)

BUT UHHHH If you read this far and you're still here I LOVE YOU YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME HOBIE BE UPON YE

I truly appreciate you, thank you for hearing me out!

Hobie says remember to be a public nuisance and never cooperate with anything and leave the function early and steal

I'm gonna go do something that doesn't matter and that no one asked for that I probably won't finish for no reason :) (/pos)

Bye.

[arachnidcrawl]

Raise your hand if you have more than one mutual who you want to be friends with but can't reach out because *gasp* "what if they think I'm weird!!" Yeah this is me, I'm doing this rn.

[babeyyopossumm]

i know everyone headcanons cleo as the collective caregiver of the server littles, but im rewatching their 3rd life pov and.. big sister cleo (8-10) with little brother bdubs (4-6) is real to me

[1p2p-heta-imagines]

Random Rambling about 2p France

Yet another ramble because I have many thoughts about many characters :D

Louis is that gifted kid in your class that everyone thought would live the best life and be something amazing but burned out and never lived up to their potential.

The kind of person that could read countless books in a day but now can’t even get through a paragraph. The kind of person that seemed to pick things up effortlessly but now abandons things when they aren’t immediately good at them. The kind of person that never needed help with thing and now doesn’t even have an idea how to so they give up instead.

The drinking, the smoking, the over-sleeping, any form of escapism and distraction is something that he’ll dig his nails into and refuse to let go of - it makes him feel like alive for once, it helps him feel real.

He’s so sick of hearing people tell him that they had such high hopes for him or that he disappointed them - he knows and it makes him feel nauseous to even think about.

He has to rely on Oliver to make him food and prompt him to shower because he will just lay on his couch and refuse to take care of himself. In his mind, he hasn’t done anything to deserve having the basic necessities, those feel like luxuries to him.

All his hobbies, all his likes, all his interests: he just lost interest in them. He doesn’t even know what his favourite colour is or what kind of person he is, he’s not sure what he likes anymore.

The only time he even tries is when the child nations are around, he doesn’t want to poison them with his issues so he tries his best to be presentable for them. He wants them to be better than he is, he couldn’t stand seeing them turn out like he has.

He knows that he’s doing bad and he needs help but he’s scared of getting better, this sickness is strangely comforting to him and he’s not ready to let out of that yet.

[romandles]

In the mood to make someone cum. Bonus points if it’s deep in my cunt/ass or down my throat.

[d3lux4ry]

This video reminds me of Leo and Donnie, a lot..

*PLEASE DONT TAG TCE$T PLEASE

[hopelessrromantix]

i finally did it... i got into stranger things

and now im living for steve/billy/eddie x supernatural creature! male reader... hmu w requests or recs lmao aksdjhfk

[starfleetacademy]

I think it makes ghost so mad that soap isn’t wearing more tactical gear or covering his arms. Like yeah the vest whatever but in comparison ghost is wearing kevlar long sleeve shirts and pants beyond his military assigned uniform. Also soap is never wearing a fucking helmet which makes ghost SO angry because it only takes one hit he’s a sniper he knows!! And soap is like. But it’ll mess up my hair L.T. And ghost is like. Know what else will mess up your hair. Your fuckin brains.

[aliennopossumm]

i dont think zepotha will succeed like goncharov because of the apps they started on, and the reason they were started. tumblr is a very meme and community based app, while tiktok is a very "who can be the best" app. who can make the most characters and scenes and lore and comments. goncharov was just a silly joke from a shoe. zepotha started to promote someones album, not to make a genuine community project

[instantromannoodles]

Can't wait for the Shayne and Courtney moments that hit different videos

[roman-lxix]

If I had a nickel for every time I got attached to a traumatized cartoon man with abandonment issues named Simon, I’d have two nickels.

Which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happen twice.

[arachnidcrawl]

I fall down the stairs and it sounds like two hundred cans clattering at once

[babeyyopossumm]

session 1-3 mean gills are actually just two regressors playing mermaids and pirates send post

[1p2p-heta-imagines]

Random Rambling about 2p North Italy

This is literally just a thought dump, I’ve been tweaking my interpretation of him recently and I need to talk about him, feel free to skip over

Luciano deals with such a large amount of trauma that haunts him and his friends/family sort of gloss over it. They help him and understand he’s fucked up but they don’t see how MUCH it really affected him

He won’t sleep with his back to a door, he freaks out if people try to touch him, he breaks off friendships/relationships when he thinks he’s becoming too attached and so many other things that show he’s never really healed or processed any of it

He can’t sleep without getting horrific nightmares so he drinks cup upon cup upon cup of coffee because the idea of sleeping fills him with so much dread not only because of the nightmares but because he’s terrified of being vulnerable and defenseless for that long

He’s EXHAUSTED, he’s irritable and he’s always on fight or flight mode so he’s stressed beyond belief

Anything he enjoys is hidden away from others because he’s worried that someone will destroy it. People who “know” Luciano only know the carefully picked things he chooses to show. If someone were to ask them what kind of person Luciano was or his interests, they would realise how little they actually know this man. Most people say “He’s angry, he likes knives and he’s opinionated”.

Luciano is opinionated because he knows it’s the one thing people can’t take away from him, his opinions. He doesn’t like something? He makes it known. He complains and complains and complains because he doesn’t know what else to do.

He’s bratty and lashes out when he doesn’t get his own way because the idea of not being in control TERRIFIES him, he can’t go back to being someone’s plaything or soldier. He’s a control freak, he’s a leader, he needs to be otherwise he sees himself as a failure and a disappointment.

I love him so much and I think it’s fine for characters to be fucked up and unhealthy, he is genuinely messed up and as much as his family/friends try to help, he will never accept that because he sees accepting help as being weak

I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ON MY INTERPRETATIONS OF CHARACTERS ESPECIALLY THE 2PS