#rtte incorrect quotes

[msnewobsessioneveryweek]

Viggo: Personally, that’s why I don’t agree with your opinion.

Dagur: Kay, I have a counterpoint.

Viggo: Valid argument?

Dagur: No. Pipe bomb.

Viggo: Oh shi-

[dontgetcaught256]

Tuffnut: I think it’s time I get my life in order.

Hiccup, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and fought a raccoon.

[violet-moonstone]

Dagur: *hugging Hiccup way too hard* Aww you're so cute and cuddly

Hiccup: Dag—can't—can't breathe

Dagur: *loosens grip a bit* Whoops, sorry, forgot how small and delicate you are

Hiccup: Wh—okay, I'm not delicate, I just need to breathe—

Dagur: *petting him on the head* My small little Hiccup

Hiccup: Oh gods. Dagur, I'm not—

Dagur: You're so small, you're the smallest

Hiccup: Dagur, I'm literally taller than you

Dagur: My teeny tiny little Hiccup

Hiccup: *sighs and stares into the camera*

[uselessreptile]

Viggo (interrogating Tuffnut): Can you tell me what your relationship with Hiccup Haddock is?

Tuffnut: I’m Hiccup’s right-hand arm. Man. I’m Hiccup's everything. I'm his confidant, his best friend. His silly rabbit.

Viggo: His what?

Tuffnut: His silly rabbit.

Viggo: His silly rabbit?

Tuffnut: Yes.

Viggo: Is that what he calls you?

Tuffnut: No.

[milksuu]

Hiccup: Careful, this place has booby traps.

Snotlout: Obviously! That's what I'm here for.

Hiccup: For the traps?

Snotlout: For the boobs.

[mialicassi]

random person: you two are a couple, right?

*hiccup sitting in astrid's lap while he gives her orange juice and drinks in the same cup*

both: why would you think that?

[smallfrogpleasedtomeetyou]

Ruffnut: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I’ve got a whole box of old positives at my house. Heather: You’re an American treasure.

[lilliths-httyd-blog]

Viggo: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

--

Hiccup: I like your new pants!

Viggo: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Hiccup: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Viggo: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Hiccup: Thats’s… not what I meant.

Viggo: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Hiccup.

--

Dagur: Hiccup-

Hiccup: *sighs* Viggo used to call me Hiccup...

Dagur: ...Because it's your fucking name.

--

Viggo: So, are you two friends?

Dagur: Yes.

Hiccup: No.

--

Hiccup, looking through their clothes: Has anyone seen my top?

Viggo: Astrid's in the kitchen.

--

Hiccup, bursting into the room: You two are having sex!

Viggo, not looking up from their book: Really? Krogan, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

--

Krogan: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.

Hiccup: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.

Krogan: Not when you’re playing with Viggo, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

--

Viggo, washing the dishes: Who the fuck used this pan??

Viggo: Wait. I the fuck used this pan…

Krogan: It was you the fuck.

Viggo: It was I the fuck…

Hiccup: Who cooks rice in a pan?

Krogan: They the fuck.

--

Hiccup: You should have realised, Ryker , if Viggo didn't kill you, we would.

--

Viggo: So what’s the plan?

Hiccup: I don’t know. You’re smart, *points at Ryker* they’re mean, come up with something.

--

Ryker: So, what is Hiccup to you?

Viggo: The reason I wake up every morning.

Ryker: ...That’s adorable.

Hiccup earlier that morning, barging into Viggo′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

--

Hiccup: It's locked. You got a lock pick?

Heather: Yeah-

Viggo: *kicks in the door*

--

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*

Johann: Rude.

Krogan: That's fair.

Hiccup: Not again.

Viggo: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

--

Viggo: *falls down the stairs*

Hiccup: Are you okay?

Johann: Stop falling down the stairs!

Krogan: How’d the ground taste?

--

Viggo: Blue M&Ms are the best.

Hiccup: whAT IS THIS SLANDER?

Viggo: What about it? They are.

Hiccup: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!

Hiccup: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST!

Viggo: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HO!

Johann: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything.

Krogan: I like the yellow ones.

Viggo and Hiccup: SHUT THE FUCK YOUR MOUTH!

[reallyprofoundkryptonite]

Krogan: the gods let me live another day and I’m about to make it EVERYONE’S problem.

[flirtycrab29]

fishlegs: personally that's why i don't agree with your opinion.

snotlout: okay, i have a counterpoint.

fishlegs: valid agrument?

snotlout: no, pipe bomb.

fishlegs: oh shi- BOOM

[xovera-toz]

Hiccup: I'm not paid enough to deal with the twins' or Snotlout's BS today

Astrid: Correction, you're not paid at all

[msnewobsessioneveryweek]

Ruffnut: I don’t care what anyone says, the middle of an Oreo is the best.

Tuffnut: Light without darkness, darkness and no light. One can not exist without the other.

Snotlout: Yo, Socrates, it’s a fucking cookie.

[dontgetcaught256]

Gustav: How would you guys deal with a toxic friend?

Fishlegs: Tell them how you really feel.

Hiccup: Slowly distance yourself from them.

Astrid: Engage in a 1v1 sword battle and if they lose they have to stop being toxic or pay the price.

Gustuv, being handed a sword: … well heck.

[violet-moonstone]

For your entertainment:

Hiccup: *trying to get stuff done at his workbench*

Dagur: *dramatically lays his head on Hiccup's shoulder*

Hiccup (clearly annoyed): ....Hello, Dagur

Dagur (moping): Heeeey Hiccup

Hiccup:....

Dagur: What'cha up to?

Hiccup: I'm trying to make improvements on Toothless' tail.

Dagur: Oh? That's cool.

Hiccup:...

Dagur:...

Hiccup: *sighs* How about you Dagur?

Dagur: Oh nothing, I've just been waiting all day for my boyfriend to pay attention to me.

Hiccup: Oh gods.

Dagur: But hey, it's okay, I guess a tail is more interesting than me.

Hiccup: *shakes his head* You're impossible.

Dagur: *pouts*

Hiccup (finally breaking a smile): Hey! Don't try to distract me with those sad puppy dog eyes!

Dagur: *perks up* I have sad puppy dog eyes?

Hiccup: *realizes that he's given Dagur a new weapon for his arsenal*

[uselessreptile]

Snotlout: Laying out a little sugar to catch my snake

Fishlegs: Flies. Sugar catches flies

Snotlout: What catches snakes?

Tuffnut: You gotta wear snake traps

Ruffnut: No, you need those metal sticks with a grabber at the end

Fishlegs: My grandmother uses those to get cereal down from her cupboard

Tuffnut: Why are there snakes in your grandmother's cereal?

[mialicassi]

Astrid: come on, you probably don't even know what do inflation means.

Snotlout: of course i do! it's the thing we do when we fill baloons