#rw rage quit

[slug-love]

are iterator ships okay ?

if so , either trafficlights ( nsh x srs ) , ragequit ( nsh x fp ) , or triple divorce ( all three of them ) please :D you get to choose

[mothsakura]

consequences

[feliformiaboy]

needy streamer overload redraw w/ pebbles ..

[iterator-ask-blog]

Sig, how often do you poke fun at Pebbles? I bet it’s a super common occurrence XD

[sig-got-a-gun]

Pissbabies

[fatratinatophat]

iimzard

Sorry I haven't posted for a minute I haven't had much motivation and I've been drawing OCs a lot cause I've run out of ideas for Rain World stuff, but anyways have a lizard. Not very good and I didn't shade it but it's a first attempt thought I'd share

[lilac-gold]

guess who's back to drop another out-of-the-blue hero analysis! i've been looking at & comparing hero's sprites both in the real world and in headspace, and i couldn't help but notice a couple things :]

exhibit a: the hurt animation

rw hero just looks a little nervous; it's the kind of smile we see when he's uncomfortable or upset but trying to hide it. he smiles even when he's hurt, which provides a pretty stark contrast to hs hero. in headspace, his injured face is the same one he sports when encountering a spider. he has no qualms about showing he's scared because he knows he's around people he can trust & confide in. he doesn't try to mask it with a smile. and yet, while hs hero only has one bead of sweat, the rw version has 2.

we see a similar expression to the rw injured expression in headspace when hero tries to reject sweetheart, but there are quite a few differences between them. hs hero looks more outwardly outwardly alarmed; his teeth are gritted and his eyebrow's arched, his eyes more incredulous. on the other hand, rw hero's eyes mostly just seem sad. without the reassuring smile, he looks miserable. without the creased eyebrows, he seems perfectly fine.

hero hurts more in the real world, but he's far more determined to not let it show. he'd much prefer people to assume he's fine and move along than to give any sign that he's not okay.

exhibit b: the angry animation

again, let's evaluate them. hs hero's lip seems a little curled where rw hero's is smaller & more pursed. hs hero has a clear target for his rage, his eyes focused and squinted in anger. on the other hand, rw hero looks away from whatever- or whoever has got under his skin. his lips are tightly shut, a shadow obscuring his face as he tries to keep his expression controlled. there's disappointment there. he doesn't want to get angry. he doesn't want to hurt anyone, especially after he hurt kel in their fight.

exhibit c: the reassuring animation

hs hero's smile is bright & genuine. he empathises & understands with the others, and shows he's there for them. then there's rw hero, who looks far less genuine. that's not to say he's not as determined to help people! quite the opposite. he's just far less prepared to show vulnerability. he uses a fake smile to make himself seem perfectly okay, does a complete 180 from misery to keep up the facade.

there's more i can say- particularly about the happy & sad sprites- but i'm running out of time & feel i've gotten my point across pretty well. after mari's death, hero learned to hide his feelings as a way to cope. he pretends he's fine when that couldn't be further from the truth. he's so much more complex than people typically give him credit for, and it's always such a pleasure to dive into that :]]

[eeveekitti]

WC/RW DAY 12: LOOKS TO THE MOON

meet moonstar, the leader before pebblestar, and his sister!

she was what drizzleclan considered their best leader in moons, especially with their last being quite reckless. moonstar was loved by her clan, and she in turn loved them, willing to defend these cats with her life. an issue arose however-- her brother grew sick. deathly sick. she was on her last life, but when presented with what seemed like the only solution, she agreed. she gave up her leadership and last life to save the newly named pebblestar.

but it was all in vain. he was still sick despite losing a life. the plan had failed, and moonstar was dead long before her time. she felt so conflicted upon entering starclan. should she be angry? grieving for a life now lost to her? stranded in the depths of the stars around her, she questioned her continued, torturous existence.

when pebblestar lost his last few lives to the flood, he asked moonstar to send him to the dark forest, feeling he was entirely undeserving of her forgiveness. she could not bring herself to turn her brother, a cat she cared deeply for despite his mistakes made in rage and desperation, away from the stars. she allowed him to join the ranks of drizzleclan's past leaders, and provide his deputy peachheart her last life.

during the reformation of drizzleclan, she guided wayward ex-apprentice bubblepaw back home after many moons, where they became bubblebounce. rain and flower's journeys to the clan were also aided by moonstar through signs and dreams.

and here's living moonstar :3

[etherfabric]

Tarot Story for @fishnapple

@fishnapple Thank you so much for joining me in this new experiment 🙏 I'm excited and curious what will come out, and how you will receive it :)

I plan to pull 3 cards from my 3 main decks, Thoth, Hermetic and RWS, and then just do some semi-automatic writing, with the intention of a short story to emerge. Let's go!

*shuffling*

(I put which cards I pulled at the end)

Having two mothers can be a blessing, and a curse. The princess was dragging her rusty sword behind her after a long day of fighting practice, and tried not to think too hard about the upcoming conversation at the dinner table. Despite her efforts to expel any energy that could manifest into a filial tantrum (the wooden figures on the training ground, hacked into rough splinters, bore witness to that) she still felt like a dry fuse next to a bonfire.

She was convinced that a father present would understand instinctively why she can't give in any longer. Why she was thankful for her rage, for it was giving her the necessary force to break what suffocated her. She was more than willing to accept any collateral damage on either side. Her vision was clear, her path free, her capabilities on par, so why hold back? Her grip around the sword tightened, her breath fanning the ember closer to the fuse.

She knew that her lack of effort to close the door silently behind her would haunt her not too far into the future, but she had passed the moment of lucidity to choose her actions according to peace. Now all there was left was the reality of her anger. The reality of the Queens, with their relentless prayers about forgiveness. And the infuriating pull she felt on her heartstrings anytime she had provoked them to recite it. It was slowing her down, robbing her of her vigor, and she hated them for it. A hate that was disturbing home life for quite some time now.

"Didn't the rain bother you?" The elegant timbre of the Moon Queen carried effortlessly across the hallway. Somehow, it was always hard to tell from which room her voice came from. This time was no different. The princess threw her sword in a corner, hearing only taunting in the question. Anything seemed to be an attack on her abilities and judgement these days. Even silence. She felt trapped, constantly. Today, she would break free for good. Today, she won't be swayed again. Enough is enough.

The lack of reply didn't register tangibly with the Moon Queen, but she rarely showed reactivity to open affronts like these. With slow steps, straining with the attempt to gain some calmness, the princess inched closer to the dining room. She whispered to herself: "It is yours. They can't take it. This is yours…" As soon as she stood in the doorframe, two heads, one framed with silver hair, the other full of golden curls, turned towards her, meeting her with the same loving gaze that used to be everything she had to know when she had been cooing in the cradle, looking up to the benevolent Gods of her world. What used to be a source of safety, now felt like a prison, where the only escape was to become the villain she strived to defeat as long as she was able to set a conscious intention.

"We're having duck today", the Solar Queen sang as her only daughter pulled back a chair. "Your favorite!" The princess stared at one of her empty glasses.

"You should've taken a coat with you", the Moon Queen said as she studied the hue of her child's face. "You need warmth for good circulation."

Nobody had seen an arm move, but the shattering at the wall was proof enough that the empty glass had been thrown. The fuse was lit ablaze. Nothing other than a scream was possible.

"IF YOU BELIEVE IN PEACE SO MUCH, THEN WHY DO I HAVE TO FIGHT YOU EVERY DAY?"

Her panting was the only sound for a while after that. The silence in the kitchen next door was telling. Everything had frozen, except the Queens' faces. They looked at each other with a mixture of sorrowful recognition and subtle determination, like they had to tell a lamb about wolfs. The Solar Queen was fidgeting with a corner of her napkin, lost in thought it seemed, but after feeling the Moon Queen's hand on top of hers, she exuded nothing but clear focus and called for one of the servants, her voice like golden bells. The princess furrowed her brows in confusion; the usual rhythm of their evenings so far had been tantrum, pacification, counter-tantrum, philosophical discussion about right and wrong, final tantrum to leave the table. What had changed?

With a swift stride, a heavy wooden chest was placed next to her dish. It was longer than her arm, and her bepuzzlement left enough room for her to feel sorry watching the man trying his best to seem unbothered by the acidic athmosphere. He retracted backwards, which would have seemed silly in any other circumstances, but he managed to make it look appropriate. She looked back at her mothers. Another nonverbal encouragement was exchanged between them, and this time, the Moon Queen spoke.

"The swordsmith finished it this morning, about an hour after you had left. It should serve you well."

Watching the clouds of suspicion break into a dawn of delight on her daughter's face was like a soothing balm on a nasty burn right on her heart. The tears started to well up in all of their faces, for different reasons, but also the very same ones. It was finally over.

"What made you change your mind?", the princess sniffled as she finally dared to lay hands on her treasure chest, tracing the hinges with her thumbs.

The Queens smiled at each other, not without a hint of humor. They may or may not had practiced saying it in unison.

"Peace and forgiveness."

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

The cards were truly magical, I pulled one of each deck, face down, and revealed them slowly. The Empress, The Princess of Swords, and... The Empress again! The sheer mathematical probability is astounding to me. First I thought there would be abstract themes showing up I had to somehow craft into the rhythm or maybe even moral of the story, but this spread read like "These are your protagonists, go!" Intimidating at first, but it was a great exercise to see what a positive mindset can accomplish.

I am very curious about your feedback, please don't hold back and let me know. I'm super nervous but also feel revitalized in an ancient part of me. Thank you again for making this experience possible for me, it means more than I can say! 🙏🦋

[dennis7231]

I have a question for all of you rw shippers whose participated! Remember when I made a poll asking which ship I should use for @iterator-ask-blog? And Rage quit and SunStone won? Well, I'm back to ask whether we should keep that ship(triple divorce) or not.

If you're answer is no, tell me the two ships you'd prefer to see!

(the reason I'm doing this again is because I'm somewhat unsure about this paring, but if y'all are sure about your decision then I'll do it)

[ruthlesslistener]

We need to make you a rainworld mod that smoothes out the pixels. Awesome rage quitting game. Tho it is a shame the fan base is. Crazy.

PLEASE I AM CLAWING AT THE BARS OF MY ENCLOSURE (the physical limitations of whatever it is with my eyes/brain that makes RW a confusing headache-inducing mess for me to look at) I WANT TO PLAY IT SO BAAADDDD

as for crazy fanbases, i really can't complain, i used to be in the seraph of the end fanbase and that was deadass the worst fandom experience in my life. i doubt that rw would be worse that that clusterfuck lmfao

[woodchipp]

In relation to the OMORI rewrite, what if RW fights had completely different combat systems and mechanics to emphasize the disorientation of coming back to reality? I was thinking of everything becoming time based and you had to suddenly have good reflexes otherwise Aubrey would smash your head in/ you get beaten to death, and instead of there being music at all for fights it would just be birds chirping bc you're in the real world so you don't get music idk

It would be a major difficulty spike and probably would make people rage-quit the game though

I'm not entirely sure what to do about multiple people in combat (is your only true RW battle partner Kel? I kinda forgot), or if you die. Maybe they'd passively deal damage (you can't control them like in HS), and if you aren't careful you can deal friendly fire damage to them? Friendly fire could possibly be handled if you attack while a friend is attacking (You'd be able to see them from the sides of your vision). If/when you die (to Aubrey's bat or something idk), maybe you have to reload the save instead of continuing like nothing happened.

Hmm, battling with a knife could possibly have a bleeding mechanic where the more you attack the faster the opponent is defeated (passed out or surrendering)

If Kel ends up taking your knife away, your attack becomes trash and attacking inflicts recoil damage since your knuckles get hurt punching people lol. (What if you could actually pick up things that would be weapons? Like a stick or something. Maybe you could chuck rocks lol)

The "RW" fights (recycultists) would have the HS mechanics since Sunny is imagining that

I think it could look something like this? I'm not entirely sure. There would probably be 2 or so frames of animation for each character when doing things like attacking or getting hit. Emotions and their effects wouldn't exist (why would you be feeling emotions in a fistfight beyond fear and rage, much less happiness)

This looks really overwhelming oml hopefully it's coherent at all

This is hardly a thoroughly thought out combat system but I had this idea for a bit (sorry my handwriting is crap)

This is so interesting! I like the idea of Sunny weaponizing everything in his immediate proximity and I really like the idea of a Game Over in the real world booting you back to the title screen

Personally (and rather ironically), I think it would've been interesting if the town's gameplay was built to strongly discourage combat instead - Sunny is anemic, after all, and realism-wise, that'd translate into him having a single hitpoint to his name lol. The closest thing to this idea I can think of is Disco Elysium's "checks" (which would also give Sunny a personality by giving you dialogue options to choose), but that's not quite it.

Perhaps Sunny spends the first day getting into shape before any real fighting can happen and he has more than a single HP? In that case, I can see your idea of a combat system being used :D

[spotsupstuff]

What’s your thoughts on all of the scugs and their campaigns? I’m curious in general, but also wonder about peoples thoughts on the scugs if they dislike the campaign or vice versa

well- i haven't played through all of the scugs yet (haven't touched Riv or Saint at all) so i can't really speak on what i think about the campaigns when it comes to the gameplay itself. ya get me

for Monk: i really like the idea of a really chill campaign even though i don't fucking know why but i managed to have more rage inducing time with Monk than with Surv. i REALLY fuckin love Monk's story though. it's So Fucking Good, i'm such a slut for actions made out of absolute, endless and unquestionable platonic love between siblings (wink wonk at my takes on Moon and Nish). like that one post i wrote about the comparisons between Monk the brother/Surv the sister and Pebbles the brother/Moon the sister? that one line where i was like "he walks across the entire facility grounds of two iterators, dreaming of her, having faith in that she's still around."????? i LOVE IT SO MUCH -punches a wall- imagine you love your sibling so so much that even though they might be dead your faith in their ability to live on is so Fecking Stronk that you are dreaming of them, see them sleep in the corner of a shelter

for Surv: Surv is Surv, it's like trying to live without bread and water. can't say anything negative or really positive about the campaign cuz it's just so intrigated into my head as the Base for everything. just like bread and water, you love and appreciate it silently. can always count on it being there. doesn't mean it gets loved any less just because you don't put the thought of adoration upon it every second. it's just a constant note in the background of your life that offers comfort by its existence

for Hunter: i fucking LOVE... i Have played Hunter only after Spear and Arti though which, as defined by utuber user Ruby Rooz, is cheating (/lh) so i haven't had the same frustrations with the cycle limit like a pre-Downpour player (even though i'm pre-Downpour, i never finished any campaign back then). i had fun just kind of zooming by everything and idk man, NSH is my absolute favorite iterator so everytime i looked at the green neuron i just kind of smiled to myself cuz i kept thinking "he's right here, making the journey with me". Hunter's lore is what first captivated me and made me interested in RW (along with the buddhistic roots of the game's religion)! they introduced us to NSH, explained quite a bit about Moon's current position, what Hunter could mean to Pebbles makes me wanna -Pepe Silvia bit from Always Sunny in Philadelphia-

for Gour: i don't really have much to say about their campaign. i'd put it above Monk gameplay-wise but story-wise underneath them. running around collecting food is nice, i like how it deviates from the previous three in that the iterators basically don't matter at all. the most they matter is eating a neuron and yellin at Pebbles to LET ME OUT LET ME OOOOUUUUUT. it offers a different perspective from what we are used to and i really like when things turn 180° and just walk a completely different path from what is "widely accepted" (honestly a reason why i silently adore Shkika's Innocence so much). in Gour's eyes these godly machines are nothing more than just part of the background. unimportant. just another obsticle. something so important in one part of the world diminished into nothing important. no matter how holy someone thinks a thing is, to someone else it's going to be pointless (and, wonderfully enough, it goes the other way around as well.). Gour's most shining moment story-wise is reached once you think about it deeper and come to realise that what they stand for is a hint of variety of understanding the world. they expand the world very subtly. they make thinking about RW less claustrophobic. other than that i'm just "i just think they are neat" about them. i keep quoting the Ruby Rooz video when i think about Gour too- "who ELSE has the arm of a GOD capable of decimating most of the local fauna with one spear and strongly suggesting to those that it doesn't to promptly LeAVhe." also hot take but the big gamer peeps need to stop bitchin bout the tiredness factor of Gour. good challenge. nice variety. are you allergic to planning? have you not listened to Lyanna Kea, in her skits about Asian moms, telling you to have some Initiative for once in your life? because i am an OVERTHINKER and that one utube short, said in that way of speaking changed my fucking life and now i'm here living to my fullest with the local fatty. jokes on u, speedrunners, i've found joy

for Arti: murder is fun! :) scav tolls are not. :( ability to maim remains superior to everything else in this fuck of a game (affectionate). Garbage Wastes need to be stopped. this is probably my number one fav screen from the entire game (Metropolis kicks ass, the lore reveal in person of at least a Small piece of what it was like to be an Ancient makes me giddy)

for Riv: i recognize a threat to my safety in those eyes. i do not trust them. gameplay experience pending (i'm going to break something while travelling through The Rot, i already know it). the soundtrack Not Your Rain is one of the best fucking things i've ever heard come from a game (high praise) and everything that is happening to Pebbles in Riv's campaign goes right along my morbid angst needs. other than that Riv is also in the "i just think they are neat" category. i wish we could've gotten a clearer hint towards what's up with Riv and what iterator they met

for Spear: the most kickass motherfucker was made by the most fail cringe dumb fuck creature i've ever been forced to bear witness to and i am both perplexed and deeply delighted by this (i wanna square up with Suns so bad i cannot begin to explain how much i wanna kick their ass). Spear's campaign is rn my most fav one because of all the lore drops, so much new canon NSH content, the sheer Worldbuilding, the fact that there's been more iterators shown and that they felt like Normal People... the conversation about SoS betting on lizards, the reveal that NSH was the first one to bring forth slugcats as messangers, the conversations between Secluded Instinct and Wandering Omen are one of my most favorite broadcasts besides NSH's attempts to reach Moon. gameplay-wise, i love that Spear's campaign feels like upgraded Survivor campaign. you are faster now, there's more aggressive enemies, you are on no time limit, you don't have to bother with finding spears, you don't have to bother with Directly Taking A Corpse Into Your Hands and Eating it, you get to eat the fuckin carnivorous plants... -dreamy sigh- what more could one want. the whole lore pearl bringing to Moon was a headache without a stomach storage but that is such a little piece of it that i don't mind. the storyline pearl i could stand because i found it nice that i was forced to adapt to it. Moon's whole superstructure was breath-taking to see and i'm very glad that we got to explore an uninfected iterator while their antigravity and bugzappers didn't work. though it hurt to think about it cuz We Care Moon, i had a lot of fun slugging around her superstructure and using needle ladders to get around- OH YEAH i fuckin LOVE making needle ladders. i also really enjoyed the fact that you can make friends with the scavs like -snaps fingers- this fast thanks to the whole needle production thing. seeing Pebbles get angry like that was awesome. i'll admit that i really admire his anger and this sort of... "justice" seeking (?) he has going on that is heavily influenced by the game's/Ancient's religion. you can fight me on this but Pebbles is the least pathetic character in the entire game besides like Hunter, maybe NSH and Gour. i also got to meet the ugliest scav i've seen in RW so far and i'll prolly never forget the experience because i Just got thru the Underhang to the Wall (my first time going thru Underhang and using the grapple worms, i was dodging having to that for ages) and i was SO pissed and annoyed that i was just about ready to quit the game for that session but then i saw this ugly ass motherfucker just waltzing about and the sheer and sudden Horror and Affront of an Artist i've felt straight up snapped me out of my rage. LIKE GJLKDMKLSD that NEVER happened to me before Suns' design also kinda sorta actually plays into my little silly iterator color coding theory from two years ago which was fun to see! i'll still kick their fuckin ass Garbage Wastes need to be stopped. here are my fav screenies from my Spear playthru

for Saint i'm rn mostly like:

i don't fuckin know what why and how is happening and it feels like such a giant ass steppy from what i had grown used to with the base slugs that even though i'm very stern on myself with being open minded about everything all the time i'm having trouble adjusting to it kgjsalkmklsdgjklsd i don't trust myself with giving a solid verdict until i've beaten Saint myself. i'll prolly talk about it in my "finished the slug!" post when i do get thru 'em

finally rating of the campaigns: Monk - 7/10 Survivor - 8/10 Hunter - 9.5/10 Gourmand - 6.9/10 Artificer - 9/10 Rivulet - TBA Spearmaster - 10/10 Saint - TBA

[iterator-ask-blog]

HEY SIG!

MY OLDER SISTER LIKES YOU!

(she's gonna be so mad hehe. By the way she's @frozenhi-chews)

[mysteriouslynn]

So if RW Omori was in Hyper's Superhero au and say that he was with Sunny around the the time they we're 12 and 16 until now where Omori is 15 and Sunny is 19. Imagine if Dreamer and Omori get into a fight and both of their masks and scarfs came off exposing them. How would they react?

If Dreamer's hood and scarf came off he'll be freaking out until he realized the guy he was fighting was Sunny. Dreamer would be pretty upset seeing Sunny as a villain and probably will quit the fight or if his anger takes over attacks Sunny out of rage

As for SV Sunny I'm not sure how he'll react. That's up to Hyper

[oftarotandnoodledragons]

Seventy-Three: Five of Cups (Reversed)

Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, But cheerly seek how to redress their harms. -William Shakespeare, Henry VI, Part III

Grief tears his heart, and drives him to and fro, In all the raging impotence of woe. -Homer, The Illiad

Regret, they say, is the most expensive thing in the world, but it’s a lie. Regret is free; you get to have as much regret as you want. And then, when you’re done wanting regret, you find it’s yours to keep forever. -William Barton, Down in the Dark

It's the final straight in this steeplechase and I'm determined to see it through, even if I don't feel as ready as I could be with each card between now and the end. June 13 would mark the 10th anniversary of me starting this journey and I don't want it to come to that before I make it through. Right now, once more, I've been given a challenge to surmount, but, like with the Two of Cups, the challenge lies in its message more than coming to terms with the meaning of this card.

Moreover, the meaning of this card is quite clear: | |i || |_. If that sigil doesn't mean anything to you, welcome to the internet. The Five of Cups is about loss and, as I interpret it, how one deals with that loss. Being of the Cups, it naturally lends itself to the emotional aspects of it, with Bunning's other themes being that of "bereavement" and "regret"; of course, the main theme she identifies is the big one associated with this card. I feel it would be a purely academic move to contrast what Bunning, Thirteen, Esselmont and Fairchild each have to say about the card when their messages are very similar and their perspectives are like different prescriptions of lenses in the same frame design. Though, as this blog is a de facto review of the Tarot Nova then Fairchild does need to be singled out, especially when he states that things are not as they seem, to keep one's emotions in check, be wary of deception and illusion, reinforce one's beliefs with facts and demand others do the same and to take care of unfinished business. Whew, that's a lot to associate with "loss", "grief" and "regret", isn't it?

This is where my summary interpretation of "how one deals with it" comes in. If we look at the traditional RWS image, the grieving figure is looking down at the Cups whose contents were lost, and cannot see the two behind them. Paschkis takes a different route: a figure is under an umbrella as four Cups rain down on them, with the fifth upturned in their hand. Other than depicting responsibility for at least one of those Cups, the thing that strikes me about her image is that the figure is disguised by that umbrella and is so deep inside it that they cannot see out of it. This is, as Bunning puts it, the most acute pain of loss and, as Thirteen and Esselmont allude to, its blinding and seemingly all-consuming nature. The blindness here is how I interpret Fairchild's response: more as cautions one needs to take in this state. Yes, sure, given what the loss may be one may be drawn to feel compassion for the depicted figure, be that the querent or another subject, but it must be kept in mind that not everything in the figure's universe is lost. The choice right now is to wallow in self-pity, perhaps even due to some old wounds and self-blame, as Esselmont puts it, and while dealing with one's emotions is naturally healthy, the way forward (says Thirteen) is to have the strength not to look at what was lost, but what one still has.

It seems rather prescriptive to have just this answer to the card's energies, but I feel it's really at the core of dealing with its energies. Even if one doesn't feel they have the strength to look at their upright Cups, the answer does form another guise: forgiveness. Forgiveness is a very powerful counter-energy here, and doing so does take a lot of strength; but in a way, it's also a catalyst. One of the ways that this card can refer to loss is in disappointment with another, and that blindness can be to that other person's good qualities: here, forgiveness is vital to moving on. Finally, as Bunning and Esselmont write, a loss is an opportunity for change, and loss is the emotional response to change, but one can (perhaps in time) see the blessing in disguise as new opportunities for growth have presented themselves. A plant that has been pruned will put its energy into new growth.

The Five of Cups has a very easy Upright interpretation and response, so what about the Reversal? Fairchild prescribes to not be overburdened by chores and responsibilities, to rise above petty politics and while friends may be supportive one should take time out. I see it as an evolution of the Upright energies, perhaps, in a more muted tone. Of course, doom-and-gloom Thirteen opines that everything is lost, but that is such a basic and limited view to have. I am so thankful that I have found Esselmont's interpretations because here I'm finding resonant energy, and until I took in what she had to say I have to admit I was fearing this card because it presented such a damning energy at face value regardless of orientation. She suggests that perhaps one's had a setback of some sort, or made a wrong choice, and they want to keep it secret; but, they're suffering from it and she prescribes turning to those one trusts for counsel. It could also be that one needs to accept that the past cannot be undone, or even that they're now in a state beyond grief where they're learning to open up once more, or that they've realised the lessons learned from the experience.

But what I found resonance with was Esselmont's other interpretation, that of self-forgiveness. Coming off the back of the Two of Cups' call for self-love, this card reinforces the message of the other for me. It's a process that is part of this metamorphosis that I've been undergoing for some time, where I'm coming to reconcile with myself, with who I am. Learning to let go of the emotions that I've harboured for many years is difficult and forgiving myself is challenging. Hindsight is very clear and having that clarity is what I hold myself accountable with and judge myself by. That, I can see, is not a healthy thing to have, even if I feel like I should have known and should have done: because "should" is a word that denotes obligation from somebody else. That somebody else is, well, myself. I spoke about the high standards I hold myself to: the feeling that I need to be 120% so that the extra 20% makes up for feeling of being worth only 80%. I am my own worst critic, and while I have made strides in not listening to that voice and not giving in to the negativity, it is very difficult. The blessing of this card is that I now see, perhaps clearly for the first time, that self-forgiveness is a key to my happiness. I don't feel like I can just write "I forgive you, self" in response to last post's apology and all will be fine and dandy, though. It needs to be an ongoing process. I need to regard my mental self-flagellation as a chronic disease that I must tend to, both the symptomatic scarring that's resulted, and putting down the whip. I've gotten better with the latter, so as to not make any new wounds, but tending to those old wounds (hey, that's an aspect of this card) as well is something that I feel like I've neglected in the hope that they'd go away. Well, they haven't. Self-forgiveness. Work on it. Do it.

With the end of the Cups, the suit of emotions, comes an emotional breakthrough. I feel this journey started very strongly in the Suit of Cups, where I was dealing with some very strong emotions but, in the course of ten years, I feel like I might be getting somewhere. Of all the Cups to provide clarity and closure, it's the one that I ended up fearing the most. In and of itself, I think that is a pertinent lesson to take out of the journey.

And journey on I shall, into the last five cards. And with five cards to go comes the last Five, yet another card I've been wary of: the Five of Pentacles. And, guess what? It's Reversed too! The cards have much left to teach me. Bring on the challenge.