#sam and autonomy

[hundred-thousand-nightmares]

Why do you insist on protecting the sacrificial lamb?

Both color and sketch (wanted to do somenthing a little sketchy and dirty). And on a different note, this is the most decent animal I have drawn in my life😵‍💫 (kinda proud of it)

[sammyycain]

Sam Winchester and parallels to Christ

Despite religion and religious imagery being extremely prominent throughout the 2005 tv show Supernatural, one import figure in both Catholicism and Christianity is missing, Jesus Christ himself. I found this strange when I was watching the show and while I still do, I think that we as an audience can attribute a great many “Christ-like” traits to one of the main characters, Sam Winchester. He, just as Jesus did, must go though a great many periods of suffering in order to prove himself, with one of these periods even being referred to as a trial. However, unlike Christ, Sam is not able to attain holiness and absolution in the eyes of the Lord.

Religious symbolism is rife throughout most of Sam’s plot lines, with him often being cast as the pious believer as a character foil to Dean who is often cast as a very sinful person. This is shown when a town outlaws drinking, gambling and premarital sex in order to gain. God’s favour and Sam remarks that those things are “90%” of Dean’s personality. It’s also revealed that Sam prays every night and has done so since childhood. This connection of Sam to God s further strengthened when in season 15 Sam and God or in this case Chuck are rather literally tethered by the bullet that Sam shot him with. Another thing to note about this is that the “bullet” is made of Sam’s flesh and blood, further showing that despite Sam constantly praying and giving to God it ultimately only leads him to be harmed.

The God that exists in Supernatural is no longer the hallowed name that we all know, this version of God only takes, instead of giving like the merciful version of the Lord that children are told about who helps and cares for humanity. This God has existed for so long that he only knows boredom, and consequently created Dean and Sam to entertain him. Dean was always His favourite with Chuck intending for him to become the vessel of the archangel Micheal, a holy and noble job. Sam on the other hand, was created for only one purpose, and that was to become the vessel to Lucifer, Dean’s opposition. Sam was never created, or intended to be holy or even able to attain that title, even despite his longing to do so. He can pray and give himself to the Lord, but is unable to attain or regain purity.

Sam must, through the trials, combat evil by closing the gates of hell, in a way reminiscent of how Christ had to suffer the persecution, bearing off the cross and eventual crucifixion. Jesus was always aware of his fate, just as Sam was during the trials. They both understood that in order to better humanity, they would have to suffer and eventually die. The trials were Sam’s cross to bear, just as Jesus was only able to accept minimal help throughout his suffering. This help, for Sam comes in the form of Dean, who helps kill the hellhound and takes care of Sam, just as the bystander who carried Jesus’s cross for him for a time. They both were able to help share the load, even if it was only a temporary relief.

Sam is also referred to throughout the show as an abomination and unclean, by both himself and other characters, particularly in plot lines that are heavily rooted in religion. During the trials in season 8, Sam recalls a time when Dean was reading a book to him about the knights of king Arthur and their search for the holy grail and Sam says that despite wishing that he could go on a similar quest he knows that it’s impossible as he’s “unclean.” This further cements how despite being the most openly religious and pious character in the main cast of the show, apart from Castiel, he is not considered holy enough to serve the Lord. This is due mostly to what happened to him as a baby when he was fed demon blood by Azazel in order to groom him into becoming the antichrist and leader of the demon army. As I discussed in my last essay on Sam Winchester, this is a very obvious metaphor for CSA (child sexual assault), especially due to the line “so he could bleed in my mouth.” This quote in particular pinpoints this original “sin” as the catalyst for the subsequent events of Sam’s life.

The theme of purity and by extension, holiness is incredibly prominent in Sam’s character and plot lines, especially during the demon blood arc and subsequently any one that involved religious themes or ideals. Because of the fact that he’s “impure”, Sam is unable to reach “true holiness.” The closest that he ever came during the 15 season and 327 episode runtime of the show was during the trails in season 8. Not only do the trails bear a striking resemble to the trials that Jesus himself had to endure, specifically the 40 days in the desert, but they also help to “cleanse” him of his sins and wrong doing. Whether they were committed on him by others on done by his on hand seems to not matter to the God that exists in Supernatural as they all bear the same consequence. These perceived sins render Sam impure, unclean and unholy.

All of this is further highlighted during the season 15 reveal that Sam, Dean, Castiel and by extension all of the characters in the show are nothing but playthings for the all powerful God, or as he calls himself, Chuck. Sam Winchester is not special, not holy and not favoured by the Lord. He is but one of many, existing only through the lense of how entertaining he can be to his God. It’s revealed that he was created on a whim by a bored God who wanted something interesting. He, along with Dean and Cas, find out that they are one of the many versions of themselves that God or Chuck has created, and that they have only survived this long because they were interesting to him.

Another period of suffering that Sam goes through for the greater good of humanity is his time in the cage. During the season 5 finale, Sam Winchester, once again gives up his autonomy in order to save people. He allows Lucifer to use him as a vessel, Sam then overpower’s Lucifer and causes them to both fall into the cage the Lucifer was originally trapped in. Sam, in many ways does this as a repentance for his sins. In this case, it’s the sin of allowing himself to be manipulated and groomed into drinking demon blood and subsequently, freeing Lucifer from his cage. This action results in Sam being stuck in the cage with Lucifer, where it is heavily implied that he was not only tortured for thousands of years in every way imaginable, but also raped and sexually assaulted. When he is finally freed, it’s only his physical form, or body, leaving him soulless. While he does eventually regain his soul, he is so traumatised that he is hospitalised for a good amount of time. During this period, he is constantly experiencing flashbacks and hallucinations of Lucifer, in a manner that is heavily reminiscent of PTSD. However, like most heavy topics in the show, this is fairly quickly brushed over.

To conclude, Sam Winchester is one of the most pious and prayerful characters in the show, which is a stark contrast to his brother. However, he was never intended to be a holy man and was thus doomed from the start. Despite suffering plentifully, he is incapable of reaching sainthood or canonisation as he will never be holy, clean, or pure enough in the eyes of the angels or the Lord.

[carnalsaturn]

Sam: Yeah I’m into guys, gals, and non binary pals but idc rn because Lucifer won’t shut up and oh fuck the horrors keep happening always more situations oh please god no why. I just want freedom but have been trapped in this unclean skin since infancy and every time I try to get that freedom I hurt the ones I love. Why does my freedom equal selfishness? My very existence is a curse and my loved ones will all die anyways so I will force myself to stop loving.

Dean: Oh no I find this man attractive but that’s not possible I am a man a very masculine man the epitome of dude bro. My dad raised me to be the strong and tough hero and to repress anything beyond being a brute fighter and if I’m not internalizing that to the letter with every fiber of my being then I have to look inside myself to realize this persona I have fabricated is a product of those expectations of toxic masculinity and parentified childhood? NOOO NOOO LA LA LA I AM A STRAIGHT MAN! STOP BEING A NERD AND REMAIN THE COMFORTABLE SHELL OF YOURSELF YOU WERE RAISED TO BE! SOMETHING IS ALWAYS HAPPENING NO TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOURSELF EVER! YOUR HAPPINESS HAS ALWAYS BEEN SECOND TO EVERYONE ELSE NOW BOTTLE IT UP AND BE A MAN!

[crowleysmistress]

My life… lost that fight already but won’t let her lose her fight.

i LOVE this exchange bc it's so short and understated but you can feel the twelve years of bodily autonomy violation-related baggage in "it's her life."

[2sw]

He barks orders at us, Dean. He expects us to follow them without question.

[mochii-derogatory]

oh bartender! one Stanford era Sam winchester night of self discovery please !!! and yeah sure make it unrecognizable as spn fanart thank you

[hundred-thousand-nightmares]

Grow up

SAM APPRECIATION WEEK 3: Childhood/Mental Health/ Impurity and Evilness.

Even if I love Dean (and I'm actually a lot like him, overprotective oldest sibling) something about Sam catched me inmediatly.

The fact that the man was doomed before he was even born is just crazy. How he felt "dirty" since he was a little kid. And how, as the series progressed, he just accepted he was never gonna have a normal life; that he was not worthy of a normal, safe life, and that his wishes for it were just a childish dream.

[carnalsaturn]

Sam’s birthright his very life and essence was a pawn that Mary GAVE to Azazel for John to be brought back, when Sam was born his autonomy was again taken away by Azazel again while he fed him demon blood, then the fealty that Sam was expected and raised to have for John and how the narrative villainized him for getting AWAY from John just to be once again doomed by the narrative when SAM AND DEAN HAD THE DESTINY TO BE VESSELS, TO BE THE BODIES, THE MEAT SUITS, THE PUPPETS, THE PAWNS FOR LUCIFER AND MICHAEL GOD I MEAN IT MAKES ME INSANE Sam was trapped in the struggle for autonomy (azazel, Lucifer, Meg, gadreel just to name a few not to mention his own freedom as a person and was punished for it by Jess death, hell, Lucifer and Michael) Dean trapped in the struggle as well but instead of being able to fight in doubling down in it attempting to find comfort when eventually in the final battle DEAN WAS ABLE TO SAY NO and Adam was used in his place and dean got his freedom of autonomy (bodily until season 14) and then when Dean takes sams autonomy AGAIN with gadreel (I don’t and could never hate him for this of course and tbh I GET IT) WE SEE YET AGAIN SAMS CONSTANT DESIRE AND WANT FOR AUTONOMY THAT HE HAS NEVER HAD EVEN BEFORE HE WAS BORN HE WAS JUST A BODY TO TAKE AND NOTHING MORE IT MAKES ME INSANE CAUSE HE HAS NEVER BEEN SOLELY HIS OWN

[lambmotifz]

interesting (and symbolic) how sam doesn’t like being called sammy and at the beginning of the show, he actively rebels against dean calling him that, but dean keeps repeating the nickname and eventually sam lets him. accepts it. submits

sammy as a pet name, sammy as the symbol of the idealised version of sam, sammy—diminutive, childish, innocent, pure and submissive, sammy as a precious baby doll to be admired and protected at all costs, sammy as dean’s possession….

[crowleysmistress]

What do you call being tied to a bed, held against your will and having something shoved into your body painfully?

You begged not to have it done. Plus others (more expert in soul matters) have counseled against it but your brother, who your father bequeathed ownership of you to, has decided it has to be done because you need to be “you”again.

He said NO/please/Don’t 14 times in 1 minute and 20 seconds.

It infuriates me that 95% of people forget about this scene or even justify it. It’s super triggering. The rapiest one by far on the show. Appointment in Samara. Started a new fic set in the panic room and it brought me to this.

[winchesterlesbian]

I think Sam's lack of privacy inside his own head is a worse violation of his autonomy than any bodily possession or physical assault he has experienced. So many supernatural beings have been inside his mind and know exactly what he thinks. Dean saw his heaven which was all positive memories that he kept to himself. People are constantly berating Sam for his own private thoughts and feelings, his anger, his desire for a normal life, the memories he cherishes. Both their enemies and Dean can't stop reminding Sam how horrible his inner thoughts are, that the mere feelings and ideas he holds inside are transgressions that need to be atoned for. Both the characters in-universe and the people in this fandom have decided thought crimes are absolutely real when it comes to Sam Winchester and they are punishable by death.

[aliusfrater]

i was awake for some of it, dean. born under a bad sign [2.14] i don't remember anything. [6.12, 6.22] i can’t know that for sure. you understand me? hello, cruel world [7.02] he deserves to know. rock and a hard place [9.08] you've seen everything that he's seen, even if you can't remember. that's what i need you to do. i need you to remember. road trip [9.10]

[mediamime]

I don’t have any excuse for being obsessed with this show I just am. It’s lived rent free in my brain since I started watching it in like 2009

[gothicrepetitions]

Supernatural truly is a horror show because it says what if we took the antithesis of the house, the car, which tends to symbolise autonomy and freedom, and instead made it the domestic sphere, a symbol of the family structure and status quo, in which the characters are trapped, repressed and isolated to the family and the home forever

[dareduffie]

loving sam winchester is a trap that you will not ever find your way out of. i've been here for over a decade. i keep thinking i've escaped. and then it's 2 in the morning. a tuesday. i'm crying because sam winchester fought tooth and nail to break free of his upbringing's teachings that his life is not his own, only to learn that it isn't, it never was, and he was destined from birth to belong to the devil

[hundred-thousand-nightmares]

SAM APPRECIATION WEEK 2: Addiction

After his complicated childhood and his awful relationship with his dad, and Jessica's dead, and really EVERYTHING going on in his life, it's not a suprise that he ended up with a fucked up addiction that gave him a small ounce of control in his life (or at least the illusion of it).

How I miss you Psychic/Boy King Sam, the damn CW didn't appretiate you enough🥺