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mrs-march-ahs · 4 years

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Taking Care of Kai Anderson in Prison

I think this is kind of a weird idea, but I wanted to write it anyway!

Warnings- smut, manipulation, Daddy kink, Kai Anderson. Words- 3k

Summary- Blue hair and bearded Kai is put in prison, and it’s your job to shave his head and beard because, being a violent prisoner, he isn’t trusted with a razor. He plays mind games with you and finds out exactly what he wants to know, and uses it to his advantage.

----

You gather your necessary items and walk down the prison corridor, scanning your badge to open every double door on the way. You walk towards the door of the room you need to be in, and you look through the one-way mirror to look at the prisoner inside. Kai Anderson, the leader of a murderous cult, just went through all the paperwork and confessions needed to be locked away for the rest of his life. The guards inside hold him very firmly and get ready to sit him down. It’s a very high security room, multiple guards outside looking in, a secured metal chair with hand restraints on either side, and a locked door. You scan your badge to enter and he immediately looks at you but says nothing. This has been your job for multiple months and after years of training, being around dangerous men and convicted criminals wasn’t new to you. But something about his relaxed face, and his body looking so comfortable despite all the restraints, made you nervous. Your job so far at the prison is to take care of the vulnerable, but this man didn’t look it. You walk over to the table and lay down everything you’re holding: an electric shaver, shaving cream, knife and a towel, to try and take away as much of his identity as possible. He needed taking care of, and being in the high security wing, he wasn’t trusted with a razor. The guards finish tying his hands to the cuffs on the arm rests of the seat and look at you.

“Want us to do his feet too?”, one of the guards says, motioning to the similar cuffs at the feet of the chair.

Kai looks over at you calmly and raises his eyebrow, asking the same question.

“No don’t bother”, you pick up the towel and walk over to him. “What will he do? Trip me up?”.

This silly comment earns a slight smile from Kai and he looks at the guards. They point to the one-way mirror and walk outside, to remind you that they will be watching in case you need them. They leave and shut the heavy metal door behind them. You wrap the towel around Kai’s neck and slide your hands on his shoulders, smoothing it out before picking up the shaver and running your fingers through his greasy blue hair.

“I need to shave your head, is that okay?”, unsure whether he knew what he came in here for. He slowly nods once and continues looking ahead of him at the mirror. You take a breath and run the shaver through his thick hair, watching it fall on his shoulders and on the floor. After a few strips, the side of his head is all shaved and you look at him in the mirror. He turns his head slightly to get a better view, then looks straight forward again, completely unmoved by what you’re doing. The stillness in his face and the silence in the room unsettles you. You continue shaving him, shuffling around him, trying to be careful and thorough but also wanting this to end as soon as possible. He notices the effect he has on you and speaks up.

“When my sister was little and she had to get her first haircut, she sat and sobbed, she was so scared”, he begins telling you, looking himself dead in the eye. You glance at him in the mirror and nod to show you’re listening.

“So, I took some scissors and chopped some of my own hair off, to show her it wouldn’t hurt”.

You smile at his anecdote and look at him in the mirror, and he looks back at you. His eyes pierce through you and his serious expression doesn’t change. The stare makes you turn back to his head and shave the last few strips of head he has left.

“That’s sweet”, you say softly. “You’re a good big brother”.

You finish shaving him and rub your hand over his now bald head. He nods at your comment and tilts his head to the sides and looks at his new cut, with his face still as serious as before and eyebrows furrowed slightly. You watch him inspect his new look and mix up the shaving cream.

“They say that a girl’s relationship with her older brother is more important than the one with her dad”, you walk over to him, stirring the shaving cream and nod in agreement. You make eye contact in the mirror and you add, “I’m close with my brother, I can tell him anything”. Though you knew that anything you told the prisoners could be used against you, you couldn’t help but feel so awkward that you wanted to say anything to keep the conversation going, and not bring back the deafening silence. You lean down at his side and begin putting the shaving cream on his face.

“And your dad?”, he asks quietly. “What’s your relationship with him like?”.

A million thoughts go through your mind, debating whether to tell him anything. Although he had no right to know, it didn’t seem like a big deal to tell him a few things. As you contemplate your next move, you try to focus on the task at hand and why you’re here in the first place, but you’re interrupted when Kai turns his face to look at you. His deep black eyes look into your soul. It seems like he already knew everything there is to know about you, even though he just met you. You inhale nervously and turn your focus back on putting cream on his face.

“It’s good”, you say quietly, which prompts a single amused exhale from the criminal. You resist the temptation to question him and instead walk over to get the knife from the table.

“Why are you lying to me?”, he asks, smiling. You take the knife and squat next to him. You can’t help but give him a puzzled look and feel even more uncomfortable at him smiling than looking serious. You shave one strip up his neck and his jaw and wipe it on the towel around his shoulders.

“I was honest with you, why aren’t you being honest with me?”, he asks quietly but firmly, looking at you in the mirror, inspecting your body language. “You have Daddy issues, don’t you?”, he states, confidence dripping off every word and the question solely rhetorical.

“I said it’s good”, you reply defensively, trying to not give him satisfaction in knowing anything about you, especially without you telling him directly.

“Don’t worry, I know what it’s like to have a shit father”.

You turn his face to look at you while you carefully run the knife along his neck, curving at his Adam’s apple. You focus on looking at his lips and chin while shaving him, but you can feel the burning stare right into your focused eyes. Looking down at you, letting you shave around his lips, he stays silent but smirks slightly. After you wipe the blade, his mouth opens once again, and his words catch you off guard.

“You just want a Daddy to protect you, hm?”

His filthy and overly confident words surprise you into looking at him. A combination of his sly smirk and his black eyes staring at you make your insides burn. You feel your cheeks flush and try to look away from him, but you simply can’t. This time you could tell the question wasn’t rhetorical, but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer.

“You want Daddy to take care of you?”.

You stand up off the floor, not breaking eye contact, and breathe in a wobbly breath. You attempt to open your mouth, but you know no words will come out, so instead you clench your jaw, and remember who’s in charge. You blink hard and look away from him, taking the towel off from his shoulders and wipe his face clean, and then put it aside. When you return to your spot by his side, he glances over at your watch.

“We still have 7 minutes until o’clock, when I assume you have to go. Let me show you a trick”.

You look him up and down intrigued, completely restrained by his wrists and wonder what he could do. He bends his wrist upwards as much as the restrains will let him and sticks out his pinky finger. You squat in front of him and link your pinky with his, earning a smile from him.

“We’re linked now. If you lie, I’ll know.”

You nod slowly a few times and quickly look over your shoulder at the mirror behind you, feeling security at the fact that guards are watching you through the one view mirror. When you look back at Kai, he smirks at you softly and leans his head down, not breaking eye contact.

“Do you feel safer to know that they’re watching us?”, he asks, making you inhale nervously. Although it’s your fault for making it obvious, the prisoner isn’t meant to be he’s being watched. You take a deep breath and decide to test him.

“It’s just a mirror, I was looking at yo-”

“Weren’t you listening?”, he snaps, clearly aggravated by your lie. He clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath before repeating himself, even more condescending this time. His voice was barely raised but your heart immediately starts pounding faster. You felt so naked and vulnerable in front of this man that you wondered if he could see your heart beating right through your chest.

“If you lie, I’ll know”.

You furiously nod at him, not daring to take your eyes off him this time.

“What are you feeling right now?”.

You inhale sharply and take a big gulp before answering as honestly as you could.

“Terror”, you reply quietly. He exhales once in amusement, and continues to burn you with his stare, thinking of another thing to ask you. But before he has the chance to think of anything else, you decide to be brutally honest with him. Perhaps more than you should be.

“Can I be honest?”, you whisper at him, looking up at him with puppy eyes, trying to control your face to maintain as blank of an expression as you can. He nods once and waits patiently for you to continue. The second that question comes out of your mouth, your stomach fills with regret, knowing that you shouldn’t say anything more. Although every bone in your body knows that this is a bad idea, you can’t help but look at his strong veiny hands and melt inside.

“The worst part a-about you isn’t the terror”, you begin. His eyebrows come closer together in intrigue.

“It’s the arousal”. You can physically see his ego grow larger as he listens to your heart-felt confession and laughs breathily, letting your words loiter in the air for a few seconds before responding.

“I’m not sure I believe you”, he says, slightly shaking his head. “Prove it”. Your eyes widen and you blink slowly not sure what he means. The warmth coming from his strong hand spreads through your body and lingers on your thighs and your heat.

“I’m not sure what you mean”. He listens to you and sighs. After a few seconds, he explains.

“Girls think they’re always so sneaky, they think all guys think about is sex, when in reality, we both know girls think about it even more”. You gulp and try to take your eyes off his, but feel like they’re glued onto him.

“When you sit on a man’s lap, he can feel the warmth coming from between your legs. But if you’re aroused, you can feel you pulsating”. You quiver your lips at his dirty words and fail to understand the simple instruction he is giving you.

“What does that mean? I mean- what do you want me to do?”. He leans closer to you, and with every approaching inch your legs almost give up. You wobble slightly when his face comes so close to yours that you can feel his breath.

“Sit on Daddy’s lap, and let him feel you throb”. The second the pet name leaves his lips, butterflies fill your tummy. Your pussy gushes out wetness at his quiet, almost secretive, tone of voice, and demands to be touched more than ever before.

For the first time in minutes, but what felt like hours, you manage to take your gaze off his hypnotizing eyes and flicker down at his lips. He was so close, if you wanted to, you could kiss him. Because of your multiple seconds of delay, he cockily reiterates, whispering to you, his lips inching even closer to yours.

“Unless of course, you’re not aroused, and you’re lying, again”. He says, emphasising the again. He of course could tell that you were not lying, but enjoyed toying with you. Although he only met you minutes ago, he knew exactly what buttons to push.

Very slowly, you nod your head and looks at his pinky holding yours. Without breaking eye contact, he straightens out his pinky to let you go and sits up proudly, trying to scoot as far forward off the chair as possible, due to his wrist restraints.

You stand up, silently begging your knees not to give up, and gulp, before straddling one of his knees. He watches you closely as you hesitantly creep your hands to hold onto his shoulders, before pulling them away. He whispers discreet words of encouragement, “Hold onto Daddy”, making you lay your hands gently on his strong shoulders, and your pussy flutter at the name again. He hums in approval at the pulsating heart beat he feels on his knee from your throbbing heat. Without being told to, or rather, given permission to, you try to gently brush your pussy against him harder, hoping to get some release. The second Kai notices and feels your wetness through all the layers of fabric between you, he decides to help you, and suddenly bounce his leg. The unexpected movement against you makes you gasp slightly, and hold onto his broad shoulders. The sheer fact that such minimal touch earned such a strong reaction from you makes Kai smirk, and start bouncing his leg rhythmically. Every time you jump slightly at fall back against his knee, you end up griding across it, making friction against your clit. The pressing and kneading against your sensitive spot makes you bite your lip as all the arousal from your entire body goes straight between your legs. The shakiness in your knees and the tingle in your thighs runs towards your heat, making you practically drip on him. With a particularly hard bounce, you can’t help but gasp and hold onto his shoulders harder, closing your eyes in pleasure and looking down, too ashamed of how good he makes you feel. The overwhelming feeling forces a moan out of your lips, making Kai smirk. He watches you bite your lip and refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing how good he’s making you feel, and feels threatened.

“Keep your eyes on Daddy”, he says, making you open your eyes instantly, and adding enough of a sensual touch to your pussy that you are almost brought over the edge. When you look at him, his black eyes lock you in and you have no trouble maintaining eye contact, despite slowly approaching your orgasm. Embarrassment flushes your cheek as Kai watches you, about to come undone from such a soft movement on his part, and having not masturbated in a while nor had sex, you were too stressed and focused on your job to take care of yourself. Maybe he was right, you needed a Daddy to do it for you. You grab onto his broad shoulders and completely let go, not grinding on him anymore, just letting him make you cum. Just as you hit your peak, Kai looks over at your hand on his shoulder, and without warning, he puts his bouncing to a halt and looks at you with a cheeky smirk.

“I think I have to go to my cell now”, he says with a cocky expression. You breathe heavily and look at him with pleading eyes, denied your finish. The realisation of what you just did hits you and you open your mouth slightly. As you slowly get off him, he continues looking at you clearly proud of himself. You stand in front of him for a few seconds before slowly walking to the door, and unlocking it, hoping your heart slows down before it jumps out of your throat. Or drops from between your legs. The smirk on Kai’s face widens when you look back at him, and then look at all the things on the table, deciding to leave it all there. You take a deep breath and smile at Kai, before putting your hand on the door handle, and whispering to him.

“Bye, Daddy”.

He smiles and nods at you and you step out of the door and shut it behind you, trying to regain control over your body after he made you feel like jelly. When you look over at the security guards standing in front of the one-way mirror, embarrassment burns you from the inside, and you flush completely red, having forgotten that you were watched the whole time. They look at you awkwardly and one of them puts his hand in his pocket, making your eyes glance at the bulge he’s trying to hide. The eye contact between the three of you silently agrees to never speak of this, and you walk away, trying to hide the smile covering your face.

You’re left to wonder how a man so restrained can have you completely wrapped around his finger. Later than day when you go back home, the second the front door shuts behind you, memories of Kai fling back to your mind, making you shiver. That night, when you lay in bed with your hand down your pants, all you can think about is your new Daddy.

#ahs #american horror story #ahs cult #american horror story cult #kai anderson #kai anderson smut #kai anderson x #kai anderson x reader #evan peters character #evan peters characters #ahs smut

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mhaverse-writes · 4 years

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burning cold. (dabi x prohero!reader)

author’s note: oh, hi. uh, this is awkward. remember when i said i was coming back like months ago then i didn’t? good times, good times. well after a rough patch irl, i’m officially back! hope you didn’t miss me too much uwu. anyways, onto the story, i hope you enjoy! thanks for reading <3 - with love, rj

description: while working undercover at a club looking for a target, you run into the last person you wanted to see. the dangerous villain, dabi, who just so happens to be your very forbidden ex. though you’re trying to move on, dabi isn’t ready to let you go just yet.

warnings: cursing, suggestive content (some smoochin’ and heavy pettin’ ya dig?), dabi being massive a dick

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

"Hey, baby. You come here often?"

"Go to hell, Dabi."

From your seat at the bar, you take a quick sip of your drink before checking that your ear piece was off. You glance around to make sure none of your colleagues have noticed the poorly-disguised villain trying to 'pick you up,' but let out a tiny sigh of relief as they're too preoccupied with scouting for the target. Dabi chuckles, drawing your attention back to him, his smug face souring your mood the longer you look at it.

"If you're here to arrest me, you're doing a shit job at it," He idly runs his finger across the rim of his glass while resting his elbow against the bar and his head in his hand. His lack of caution with the fact that he's sitting next to a literal pro-hero isn't anything new, but it still annoyed you to no end. Did he see you as some kind of joke? Or he just knows you aren't going to do anything about it. God, the fact that he's so certain of his safety pisses you off even more.

"Shut up, I'm not here for you," Snapping with a bite that only makes his grin widen, you turn in your seat rather fast, spilling a little bit of your drink onto the floor. You ignore it, and do your best to ignore him as you rake your gaze across who you were really here for. Dabi turns as well, making a show of stretching before resting his arm behind you on the bar table. You feel your eye twitch, risking a look at him. He has his hand over his heart in mock hurt.

"Your claws wound me, kitten." Though he's speaking in his usual lazy drawl, somehow it isn't hard to hear him over the vibrating bass of music pounding your ears. It also didn't fail to send a tiny chill down your spine at the sound of the almost nostalgic nickname. You do your best to quell it, but it's Dabi of fucking course he notices. His grin is nearly lecherous, but he doesn't speak on it, thank God.

"Why are you here anyway? How did you find me?" Curiosity getting the better of you (the whole summation of your relationship with Dabi, if you're being honest) you turn to meet his icy blue stare, scowling hard to make sure you didn't get lost in it.

"Maybe 'I'm not here for you.'" Dabi parrots, eyes not leaving yours as he takes a sip of his drink. Your first instinct is to call bullshit, but a nagging insecurity at the back of your brain envisions him with someone else. Jealousy churns in your stomach, ugly and rancid, before you bury it down in disgust. Why should I care? Your rational side argues. It's good that he's moved on, that way he'll leave me the hell alone. But you know deep down, you're lying to yourself. Though you're pretty sure you'd rather nosedive off a cliff before admitting that.

Either way, you've entertained this long enough already. Grabbing your drink, you down the rest of it before moving to stand. The muted surprise on Dabi's face-- though it's as simple as his eyes widening the smallest amount-- doesn't fail to bring you satisfaction. He may think you're willing to give him all of your attention, but you are more than happy to prove him wrong.

Dabi, however, obviously is not.

Before you can even think, Dabi's hand snatches your wrist and drags you backward, sending you careening into his chest. You scoff up at him. Was he being serious right now?

"What the hell do you think you're--?!"

Dabi's lips fall to your ear and you're barely able to contain a shiver. "Your little 'target,' is onto you, kit. Three o' clock." Eyes widening, you instinctively turn to look, but Dabi tightens his hold on your wrist and whisks you away, leaving you stumbling after him as you try to keep up with his long legs. He expertly weaves you both through the oblivious crowd, before bodily moving you into a tiny corner on the other side of the club. You try to check on your teammates, but your attention is snatched by Dabi as he takes up every inch of your vision, pinning you against the wall. His cold eyes twinkle with amusement as he takes you in slowly.

"Y'know, I really missed you, sweet thing," You would almost think he's sincere if it weren't for the way he isn't sincere at all. He dips his head down and presses a kiss to the shell of your ear. You can't help but whimper, kicking yourself mentally right after. You can't do this right now! Your target is not only suspicious of you, but the fact your team could catch you with Dabi at any second seizes your stomach with fear. You reach up to your ear piece to turn it on. If you request assistance, maybe you could scare Dabi off.

Your fingers graze only the empty inside of your ear. Panic bubbles in you, burning cold. You look up at Dabi, to find your earpiece clutched daintily between his teeth. No. You reach forward, but aren't fast enough to stop him before he crushes it with a flex of his jaw.

You're alone.

Alone with him.

"Aw, don't look so scared, kit." He spits the busted thing out. You don't have time to register how gross that is before he takes another step close, even closer, bowing his head until your noses brush. Dabi's eyes flick down to your mouth. Your heart stops. "I'll protect you."

His lips crash into yours and you can't help the moan that leaves from deep in your chest at the feeling. Completely losing all reason, you arch into Dabi, hands grabbing the lapels of his jacket and pulling him flush against you. You feel him smirk against your lips and a small part of you argues that you giving into him is a bad thing. But honestly, can it be so bad when it feels so unbelievably good?

Dabi pulls away all too soon and you damn near whine, chasing after his lips fruitlessly. Leaning back to his full height, Dabi considers you while looking all too pleased with himself. You’re too blissed out to care. God, you'd forgotten what his kiss felt like, did it always knock the breath out of you so fast?

"Here's the sitch, hero." He says, calloused hands tracing your features. You melt into them, despite yourself. "I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t here for you. Thing is, the little snitch you're after has unfinished business with us. And you taking him in--well--causes some problems for me and my team."

That gets you. Snapping out of your stupor, you blink up at him, eyebrows creasing. Is this what this was? He was only trying to distract you? You dig your nails into your palms, cursing yourself for not seeing this sooner. If Dabi was here, damn well Toga or someone else could be here too. If Toga was here, you wouldn't even know who she was. What if she already took advantage of you abandoning your post and snatched up the target? Hell, she could already be halfway back to their base with him!

"You bastard!" Damn near snarling, you shove him back with all your might, face hot with embarrassment. "Is that why you cornered me here? To get me away from your fucking snitch?!" Dabi merely chuckles. God, you wanted to punch him right in his stupid mouth.

"No, baby. I brought you here because I missed you,” His thumb ran over your bottom lip, retreating when you tried to bite him. “And tell you to back off.” Though he's still smiling, all humor has drained from his voice, making your blood run cold. "I'd hate to have to dirty up that pretty little outfit of yours. I'll take it from here."

"Like hell you w--!"

"There you are!"

The voice of your superior sends relief and fear rushing in you at the same time. You whirl to face her, trying to mask the shame threatening to swallow you whole.

"S-starlight!" You squeak, standing at attention. You glance at Dabi, to find he's already gone, the dancing crowd overtaking where he once stood. Oh, thank God, you think, before freezing up again. He was off to get the target. You didn't have much time.

"Where did you go?" Starlight demands, her iridescent nails digging into your shoulders as she grasped them. "I was worried you'd been compromised."

"W-we're not alone, Star," You stutter out, mind still reeling from the feeling of Dabi against you. Despite the fact he tricked you, it didn't stop the way your body still tingled at the thought of him. Jesus, you were done for. "The League is here, they're after the target too!" You left out Dabi. You left out Dabi?! Fuck, you were protecting him!

"What? Did they hurt y--?"

"No, no, I'm okay. But we need to hurry before--!"

Before you could finish, the sound of screams ripped your body from the inside out. Oh, no.

You and Starlight rush into action, following the screams towards the middle of the dance floor, where a crowd had gathered. You noticed the rest of your team pushing against people as well, struggling to get to the middle. But you didn't have to get there to see what happened next.

Blue flames fanned out in a hot arc, prompting the crowd to back away even further, shoving you and Starlight back. Dabi emerged from the fire, clutching your limp target, a sweaty, plump, balding man by the collar of his shirt. God, was he...?

"Dabi!" Starlight shouts, pure energy bursting to life from her palms. She used a beam of hard light to propel herself up and over the crowd, aiming towards the man. Your heart drops. For Starlight, Dabi, or both, you're not even sure.

Before she can reach him, however, Dabi takes off, using his flames to scare the crowd away, clearing a path for himself. The fire begins to spread and everyone shakes out of their shock to replace it with panic. The people run in different directions, struggling to escape the flames. Starlight and your teammates attempt to fight the crowd and chase the villain, but you stay stuck to the spot, cradling yourself to find some sense of comfort. You knew they weren't going to catch him. You've lost the target.

And it's all your fault.

Sighing, you kick into gear, following Starlight and pushing against the panic and eventually making it outside. The chill of the night is refreshing, but does nothing to ease the weight on your chest. Though you knew Dabi was long gone, it hurt even more to see it. He had played you. Again.

And something tells you it won't be the last time.

#dabi x reader #dabi bnha #dabi #dabi hc #dabi headcanons #bnha #mha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #dabi is a todoroki #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #mha fic #bnha fic

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v0n-butch · 5 years

Text

the craft (1996)

“id love to see the craft made into a fic” requested by anonymous.

warnings: death, attempted noncon, alcohol

a/n: first movie-inspired fic of more to come. centered around Billy (Skeet Ulrich’s character) and the witchy stuff getting played on him as karma. highly recommend watching if you like cult classics!!

—

You could’ve guessed before even moving here that Hawkins was gonna be a fucking drag. The weather was gloomy, the air wasn’t fresh like you’re used to, and it was so uncomfortably quaint that it made you feel stranded and claustrophobic. You bit your nails the entire flight and even after landing, while the pouring rain soaked your clothes and drenched your hair when first stepping foot in the small town.

It was an especially frightening discovery after a gritty argument with your folks, spouting on about what a brat you’re turning out to be, how much of a disappointment you’re bound to become; so in the midst of a fit enraged, not moving from where you lay stubbornly on your bed with angry tears, you had accidentally slammed the door shut. After realizing what you’d done, curiosity had replaced vexation. Neither of your parents could call the cops or toss you in some looney bin, so you chose to avoid catastrophe by keeping it low and only using it if bored in private. It felt oddly empowering, treasuring the gift, but you’d never been compelled to use it for harm before.

After eating dinner with empty conversation and the only background noise being imaginary crickets and the rain, you’d excused yourself once your plate was wiped clean. Stomping back upstairs, ignoring any distasteful remarks aimed at your departure. You wondered that if the town sucked ass, then that meant school likely would too.

—

It wasn’t hard to see from a mile away that you did not come from nor belong here. Cliques scattered the halls, although this school surely isn’t as big as your last it still has its fair share. Jocks and douchebags, popular cheerleaders, edgy goths. Those titles never served to you, naturally feeling better going alone. Nobody tried approaching the new girl just to say hi or bother looking in your direction. That is until basic jock Billy Hargrove did with a mischievous smirk during lunch a couple tables away, noticing you’re all alone sipping on your school milk. With crass confidence in his stride, he makes his way over to you in the most dramatic, full-of-himself way as possible taking a seat across from yours.

“Lookin’ pretty lonely there, new girl. Y/N is it?” he raises one brow, not asking for permission before snaking Doritos from your lunchtray, chomping while maintaining a smug expression. You scoff before shoving the red bag of corn chips toward him.

“Help yourself. And yeah, that’s me. Who are you?”

Billy has taken the bag with a don’t mind if I do attitude, answering you with his mouth full while licking the stained nacho cheese off his fingertips. “Name’s Billy. So why you here all alone? Haven’t found your crowd yet, or you just a ‘fraidy cat?”

You roll your eyes before playing along with his stupid game. “Well Billy, I just moved here and haven’t talked to anyone besides my lunch buddy that just hogged my chips,” you snip, watching the cocky blonde tilt the bag up to his mouth to finish the rest of the crumbs at the bottom. When he’s done with that portion of your meal, he points to the carton of two percent.

“May I?”

“Nothing’s stopping you,” you bite with sarcasm. He chuckles at your obvious distaste but nevertheless resumed picking at your food and chugging a good amount of the dairy drink down.

“You owe me fifty cents, by the way.”

“Oh yeah? How ‘bout I repay you with a little somethin’ else instead,” he inched closer, the proximity allowing you the feeling of his breath fanning your cheek. You’d been rendered speechless, caught off guard with how shameless and flirtatious he turned. “I’ll repay you with a few pointers, what with you being a little newbie ‘round here. Sound good?” he finished, grinning at how tense and worked up he made you in seconds. “What is it, sweetheart? D’ya think I’d repay you with somethin’ else?” he snickered, taking your carton again and quenching his thirst, the white drips of milk falling down his chin.

“Nope. Just don’t give a shit about your advice,” you snap back into character, his arrogance provoking you to try using one of your little tricks; maybe make him stutter or choke just so he’ll leave you alone. But that would be breaking the rules, and you were strict against taking advantage of it to cause trouble.

“I’ll give it to you anyways. See, my crew over there thinks you’re pretty cute, so you could come around anytime you like. Definitely avoid those freaks over there,” he slyly nods his head over in the direction of two girls dressed in black, chainsmoking. “They won’t be too welcoming.”

“What’s up with them?” you hush inconspicuously, intridgued by their scandalous bravado. You could see yourself hanging out with them even if that meant disregarding all the misinformation Billy feeds you.

“See the little one on the left? That’s Nancy the Slut Wheeler. Nickname sorta explains itself. She fucked more than half the guys on my team and cheated on her long-term boy toy Harrington,” he explains, not shy about what’s coming out of his mouth no matter how derogatory or degrading. “Not speaking from experience or anything. And the bigger one is Robin Buckley, she’s a dyke.”

“Uh, okay. That all the dirt you got or what?”

“Nah, there’s more shit floatin’ around here about stuff they do. I’ve heard they’re into witchcraft, but I dunno if I believe that one.”

Now that snagged your attention, but you wouldn’t share a thing like that with a guy like Billy. “Anyway, thanks for sharing lunch, Y/N. Was a pleasure. You should come to my practice after school, we could have another fun little chat. Whaddya say?” he licks his lips, holding your stare to persuade you into visiting. “Please?”

You really could give a fuck about watching a bunch of sweaty guys toss and argue around a ball, no matter which sport, but it was hard to find courage to decline his pleading yet intimidating stare. “Maybe I’ll swing by,” you hesitate, earning an enthusiastic holler out of Billy before he gets up from your table and makes a pit stop near you for a moment to whisper in your ear.

“Really looking forward to it, new girl.”

Successfully hiding your hot cheeks as he pats your back, sending a wink over his shoulder before heading back to his circle of friends not-so-subtly watching. When the bell rings to signal lunch’s end, Nancy and Robin catch your eye, ashing their cigarettes, fixating on you. Flustered from getting caught, you quickly snatch your lunchtray and dump whatever’s left in the trash, hanging your head low as you make your way to your next class.

—

Biology class was humiliating. After approaching Nancy and Robin about a group project assigned on your first day, Robin gawked as Nancy glared without a yes or a no about letting you join them. It was a long shot anyways. While awkwardly nodding as they both continuously stare you down, you shuffle to the very back of the classroom. With nothing better to do, thinking no one was paying attention, you flick your pencil in the air, making it stand as your hands stay in your lap. Moments later, getting lost in thought about Billy, wondering what his intentions were, how you were ever gonna fit in here; Robin witnesses the unworldly telekinetic party trick. Her mouth hangs in awe, not believing she allowed Nancy to bully her into rejecting you.

“You don’t know what you’re even talking about,” Nancy argues, popping her chewing gum as she gazes in the bathroom mirror and applies another sloppy smear of eyeliner.

Robin’s scoff is followed by a sigh before turning Nancy away from her reflection. “I know what I saw! She can... do things. Like with her mind. She’s our third, I know it,” the girl vigorously nods her head. Nancy remained unconvinced but decides to give in if it’ll shut her dimwit of a best friend the fuck up.

“Fine, okay! We’ll talk to her after school, see what happens. You better not be fucking with me on this. We don’t need any incidents happening because you’re seeing things that aren’t there,” Nancy stares her down like a wolf threatening to attack, eyeballing the taller girl with satisfaction as she gulps submissively.

—

You decided there was nothing better to do than make an appearance at Billy’s basketball practice after school. As he dribbles the ball and taunts his opponents, he spots you from afar and takes his attention off the game and momentarily directs it towards you instead. With a wink, he sticks his tongue out teasingly before taking his tank top off and giving one of his teammates a high five. While lost in the dance of seduction with Billy, you neglect to notice the presence of two girls lingering behind you.

“He’s not actually into you, you know.”

Snapping your head back in shock, you recover from the cheap scare before identifying the voice as Nancy Wheeler. The one Billy had accused of being the school’s slut. Right beside her stands Robin, not looking quite as vicious as her partner in crime. Robin, the significantly gentler and taller one, gives you a warmer greeting of a wave and a tight smile. Billy said that she was the infamous “dyke.”

“What are you talking about?” you ask, not easily trusting her word but also not believing Billy’s rumors either. Nancy looks over to the court where Billy skips around effortlessly, making a basket for his team and earning praise and applause from his coach.

“He did the same thing to me. See, first he’ll try talking you into sucking him off, then when that doesn’t work he begs you to fuck him. Says all the right things, you’re beautiful Nancy, please baby, I won’t tell anyone if you just come sit on my cock. Then after you tell him you’re still not ready, he tells the whole school you did it anyway. Makes shit up to impress people.” Nancy bites as-a-matter-of-factly, nodding over in Billy’s direction on the court. Billy, busily unaware of being your topic of conversation, jukes an opponent and snatches the ball, slamming the weaker boy down to the ground with a snap of his body being thrown to the ground. You tightened your hold on your schoolbag not knowing who to believe anymore. Hearing one thing and then another gave you a fucking headache.

“Look, it’s not— I’m not even here for him. It’s not what it looks like,” you stammer as Nancy raises her brow with dubiousness. She cracks a salty grin at you then turns to the boys playing on the court.

“Go Billy! Score that basket, baby!” Nancy shouts with manic laughter, sickly happy when the distraction disrupts his focus, causing him to lose the ball and get shoved backwards by another opponent. Nancy turns and slowly struts closer, sitting on the bleachers and leaning over to whisper in your ear with a ruthless ball of hate gleaming her eye. “He’s a jerk. I’d stay away if I were you.”

With that, she jumps off the bleachers and orders Robin to follow. The taller girl weakly smiles again as you sit and stare as they exit the gym and light a smoke outside. Billy watches them leave and huffs, jogging over.

“Hey. Thought I advised you to not hang around them,” he tisks, spreading his legs before pouring a cup of water down his chin to cool off. You blush and look the other way, clearing your throat.

“I wasn’t. They just sorta came and started talking to me,” you mutter with an attitude.

Billy scoots impossibly closer and fixes a stray hair dangling in front of your face, petting your cheek as if you were a child. “Well, don’t believe whatever shit comes from her fat mouth, alright?”

“Um— okay I guess.”

“That’s a good girl. Glad you came, by the way. Wanna gimme your number so we could do this somewhere a little more private, hm?” he beckons, taking another generous swallow to quench his thirst while holding your stare. You’re stunned and backed into a corner again to comply, nodding while grabbing a pen from your bag. Billy holds out his palm and nods to the pen in your hand, encouraging you to get writing. You waver another moment, unsure if it’s smart getting involved, before saying fuck it and writing the ten digits on his palm. Billy’s name gets shouted from his coach, breaking the thick tension that grew as the moments wore on. He yells back that he needed a quick break before blowing you a kiss. After tossing himself off the bleachers and getting back in the game, he stares down at his hand where the black smudged writing is and smirks, looking up only to find that you’re already gone.

—

“Almost didn’t think you’d answer, maybe gave me a phony number or you’d be with those weirdos again,” Billy snorts, bottlecap flying before handing a beer over. You chuckle uneasily before accepting the beverage, tasting the warm mediocrity before swallowing. It didn’t take long for him to call, now being week two attending Hawkins High. His choice of setting for this “date” was a rooftop of some dark building, stars out and streetlights being the only source of light. Billy’s arm has wrapped around you as you both sip on the beer he provided, an awkward silence suffocating the air.

When the blonde got bored, he’d started trailing his fingers down your back, tiptoeing them teasingly awaiting your reaction. When he gets nothing but you stiffening up, he swoops down to devour your neck, feeling you tilt your head for him to give more. Jackpot. His wandering tongue sucks a deep purple mark as his grabby hands reach to grope you through your bra, making you gasp and feel dumbfounded on what to do and what to say.

“Billy, I don’t think—“

“Mm, what is it new girl? You want more, don’t you?” he mumbles in your neck, then gets greeted by the feeling of blue balls and disappointment when instead of coming closer, you pull away. He scoffs and sits up, straightening himself out.

“I’m just not ready for... that. Sorry,” you weakly apologize, outrageously uncomfortable by the invasion of space and feeling wrong when you notice the growing tent in his jeans. “Are you... like, mad or something?”

Billy sighs, humiliated by your rejection that poked a hole in his ego. He won’t give up on his conquest that easy.

“C’mon, beautiful, not like I’ll tell anyone. We could just have a little fun—“

“No, I-I really gotta go. But I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”

Billy glares at the ground, kicking a rock by his feet in annoyance before rolling his eyes. Guess he’ll just have to improvise instead when he brags to the boys tomorrow.

“Yeah, fine.”

—

The next day, sly comments were thrown at you before first period started. He didn’t talk to you at all like usual, your classmates whispering and giggling about the alleged “fun” you shared with Billy the jock Hargrove. Dirty details travelled around locker rooms, even raunchy ones about you supposedly riding him in the backseat of his car calling him “daddy.” He threw in another lie that you asked him to slap you in the face as he fucked you. The purple splotch he sucked on your neck didn’t help defend yourself.

“Hey, Billy!”

The jock turns away from the boisterous crowd that had worshipped him all day. Once he catches your eye he whispers to a boy next to him, whatever secret so hilarious that he clutched his stomach and snorted when Billy finished. He swiftly strolls over to you and folds his hands, faking formality with a plastic smile.

“Yes, new girl?”

“I wanna know why you said that stuff about me. You damn well know we didn’t do anything! How could you?” you whisper-shout, feeling disgusted and violated. Billy snorts a laugh and regains his composure a second later as if all this is some comedy sketch.

“Oh yeah? Really, new girl, I’d love to do it again sometime. Truly... I just don’t like sloppy seconds. You were great though, I had— nah, Daddy sure had a blast. But we’re done here.” Billy pats your head with mockery before strolling over to his circle of friends without a care in the world.

“You know what? Fuck you. Next time I’ll charge a buck an inch, make it cheap.” you spit, barely making it to the bathroom to scurry and wipe the tears desperately spurting from your eyes. You crawled to the corner of the washroom and hugged yourself, quieting down when you hear footsteps inching closer before entering. It was Nancy and Robin.

“Can’t say we didn’t warn you —“

“I know I should have listened to you guys. But now I wanna fuck with this bastard.”

—

Lovespells don’t take much, and the rumors were true. The Bitches of Eastwick had let you in, only took more convincing of your worthiness to Nancy, but she warmed up to you. When she saw what you could do she had to give Robin credit, you truly were their third. And finally, you’d been put in a place you genuinely belonged.

“Is he— is he staring still? What’s he doing now?”

“He’s totally still watching you. Holy shit Y/N, it’s working, I can tell!” Robin whispers as she muffled her laugh with the back of her hand, seeing how Billy couldn’t take his eyes off you longer than five seconds even in the middle of a lecture. As the bell rang, you and Robin gathered up your things to meet Nancy for next period. Billy wasn’t far behind, trying and failing to remain inconspicuous as he followed you.

“He’s behind us.”

“What?”

“Look out.” Right on cue, Billy pushed you and Robin apart to make room for himself while tripping over his shoelaces.

“Uh, hey Y/N,” the boy gulps, scratching the back of his neck, seeing his posse from afar giving him a “what the fuck” look. He flips them off and rubs his hand over your back. “I just wanted to, yunno, apologize for that shit I said. I feel real bad ‘cause you didn’t deserve it. You deserve a gentleman and I can be that for you now,” he explains, blocking your way. His eyes are void of hate or ridicule, instead swirling with awe and devotion as he bit his lip awaiting your forgiveness. You pretend to think, giving his head a noogie like an obedient pet, then grant a forgive-and-forget.

“It’s cool. Maybe tell your friends later that you’re a lying sack of shit, but for now, carry these books for me and my friend?”

He nods vigorously like a soldier eager to please, graciously taking your heavy books from you and Robin and stacking them in his arms. “Of course, Y/N. Anything in the world. Um, do you think I could sit with you in math?”

—

Billy had no fucking clue what happened to him, but he wholeheartedly couldn’t find it in him to even pay it a speck of attention. It didn’t bother him that nothing gave him any pleasure nor satisfaction anymore, the world shrinking to this dead, lifeless black and white, the only light and color he could see that brought joy was her. He could die just feeling her in his arms and he wouldn’t be sad. With complete and utter tunnel vision blocking him from surroundings, everyday he devoted himself to any task she wanted, even pathetically following her and her friends to the girls’ bathroom. He got in deep shit from the entire female staff, but he remained indifferent.

If she said jump, Billy asked how high. If she wanted him to braid her fucking hair, he’d learn fast and make sure it was done thoroughly and flawlessly. Billy was touch starved, weak, losing sight of everyone else around him. No more charming girls into bed, no more basketball wins for the team, his only purpose being solely Y/N’s love or validation. All priorities from the past drastically altered, but there were no second thoughts. No questions, just wants. Needs. The power she held over him was substantial and beautifully overbearing, like black magic or something.

Weeks after the spell kicked in, she now sits in his Camaro with her feet on the dash as Black Sabbath roars from the speakers. No complaints were heard on his end when you demanded he change the music, happily turning it to your favorite station. You plop a sucker in your mouth, tasting the cherry red flavoring before patting Billy’s head and calling him a good boy. Billy blushed and leaned into your touch, pulling over by the pier and shutting the car off.

“You don’t even know what’s happening, do you?” she asks with a laugh. He joins her even though he wasn’t aware of what’s funny. But he finds her delightful, so anything she does or anywhere she goes, he follows.

“No. No I don’t, but it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing matters. Just you and me,” he promises, playing with a strand of her hair before leaning in. He missed her candy-tasting lips when she turns her head, then feels something in his stomach churn after getting denied her kiss.

“Tough luck, champ. I don’t want that from you, just wanted to talk.”

Talk? Billy recoiled, clenching his fists at his sides. Something inside him is intensifying, he just doesn’t know what. Before he knows what’s happening, he’s shaking, burning with a need that feels so close yet so far. There’s no control stopping it.

“I mean, do you even eat or sleep anymore? It’s pathetic. This should be wearing off soon...” she trailed off, watching the waves crash at a distance.

“I won’t fucking eat or fucking sleep until I get what’s mine, you understand? I don’t care about anything else. I just wanna... why won’t you hold me?” he implored, yanking the collar of her shirt so she’s closer to his lips. It almost feels too good to be true.

“Stop! Jesus, I didn’t mean for it to go this far! You’re under a spell, you jackass, now let me go!” she squeals, punching his chest. Billy ignores it, that indifference coming back. He reached for his belt when he thinks he has her where he wants her but gets stopped by a righteous kick to the crotch, making him howl in anger.

“Goddammit!” the boy whined, cradling himself through his jeans from the excruciating pain.

“Stay the hell away, you hear me? Don’t ever come near me or my friends again,” she threatens, exiting the vehicle before stomping away. Billy scrubs the tears off his face and punched the steering wheel with miserable frustration.

—

“He... he grabbed me. Wouldn’t let go this time,” you gulp, feeling the ghost of his frighteningly tight grip pulling you. Steam shoots from Nancy’s ears as Robin takes comfort and asks if you’re okay. Nancy has already stirred up a plan for revenge as she flips through the pages of spells, searching for the perfect one.

“Nance, what are you doing?” you ask with reluctance, knowing it isn’t anything good.

“We need to make him pay. He was gonna hurt you, case you forgot. Hargrove’s always been a goddamn scumbug, but he tried fucking you without your permission and he won’t get away with it this time.”

—

Billy gulps the last of the beer from the solo cup and belches, eyes half-lidded and bloodshot. They widen a bit when he spots Nancy enter the house party. He’s determined to do whatever it takes to get you again, and if he has to talk to your leech of a best friend, so be it. The blonde seeks Nancy upstairs and follows her to a vacant room.

“Where is she?” he demands lazily, eyes faltering once again as he loses balance and falls to the bed back first. He gets comfy with the beer nestled in his grip, still expecting her to give him insight on your disappearance.

“How cute. Miss tormenting your little wife, don’tcha, hot stuff?” Nancy mocks, crawling over to where he lays on the bed and trailing two fingers over his crotch. Billy reacts with stealth, disgusted as he roughly shoved her hand away.

”Don’t. I’m warning you,” he threatens. “Tell me where the fuck Y/N is. I need, I need to talk to her—“

“I’m not telling you shit! She doesn’t want you, understand? You meant nothing to her this whole time. She used you.” Nancy laughs and points her finger at him. Billy rolled his eyes, calling bullshit. You wouldn’t do a thing like that, not in a million years. This is typical Slutty Wheeler, throwing tantrums because she couldn’t get a taste of his dick anymore.

Nancy’s blood boiled, veins popping out of her forehead; on the verge to end this already. But she has to fuck with him like he fucked with her first. The teenage girl burns with hostility as she recalls the spell, working her magic. She runs her hands over her face as it morphs into yours. She takes a look in the mirror and finds your eyes staring at her reflection. With a sick, evil smile, she gets back on the bed and runs her hands down Billy’s chiseled chest, feeling him jump until he sees your face. He gasps, too dumb from the spell and drunk from the liquor to realize he was being tricked again.

“Baby, I’ve missed you so damn much,” he mumbles to who he thinks is you, unbuttoning Nancy’s shirt and kissing every inch of skin he sees. She moans in ecstasy, laughing at how fucking easy he is, then sticks her tongue down Billy’s throat. They were all over eachother for another twenty minutes until a furious knock interrupts.

It’s you and Robin.

“What the fuck?” Billy wipes his mouth of Nancy’s spit then throws himself off the bed in a hurry. Her spell wore off, now changing back to her usual self, giving Billy a playful wave.

“You’re — you’re a witch! They were right!” Billy stutters, his world turning upside down making him sick to his stomach.

“They usually are,” she shrugs.

“Nancy, you got what you wanted. He’s freaked out, now let’s go.” you ordered, the guilt eating you alive. Nancy doesn’t stop.

“Your lover’s a witch too, yunno. The only reason you’re obsessed with her is cause we cast a spell on you. But that’s why I’m here, helping you forget.”

Billy’s chest heaved up and down rapidly, shaking his head, sobering up. “No. No, she didn’t — she wouldn’t do that,” he denies, sweat gathering on his forehead and heart hammering fast.

”NANCE! This is fucking over! Now let’s go!” you beg, loathing his puppy-dog eyes. Robin stands frozen beside you, knowing how unpredictable Nancy got when she’s angry.

“You’re just jealous.”

Robin gulps and closes her eyes, knowing that’ll set her off.

“Jealous?” Nancy emphasized, preying onto the boy as he backs away. “You’re Y/N’s servant. You barely fucking exist to me. This whole time you’ve treated girls like whores, but you’re the whore!” she cries, feet lifting off the ground, towering over him as he backs further towards the window. Billy’s beyond petrified now, weeping quietly as he dares try calling for help.

“I-I’m sorry, Nance. You know I didn’t mean it. I liked you last year, but— but I’m in love with her now, and I’m sorry!”

His sorry ass apology does nothing besides push the last of her buttons, feeding into her wrath.

“Did you hear that, Y/N? He says he’s sorry! Oh, what a shame we have to kill him, ‘cause at least he’s sorry!” Nancy claws are her hair, spinning back and fourth, screaming nonsense as Billy pleads and holds his hand out to you.

“Who’s it gonna be, Y/N? This rapist scumbag slut, or your friend that took you in when you were a nobody?”

Tears of your own had escaped, mortified by how escaladed things have become. You shook your head helplessly, holding onto Robin for safety. There was no stopping her now. Like a wave from a natural disaster, Nancy thrusts her arms in the air and hurls the boy out the window with God-like force. You’ll never forget the sounds of his cry for help on the way down and the SPLAT when his body hit the pavement. Nancy lets out a sigh of relief as if a long day’s work is finally over, and wipes the sweat beading off her forehead. She turns to you and Robin after catching her breath.

“What’re you staring at, guys? C’mon, let’s find Robin a girlfriend next.”

—

my first whack at a horror-ish/thriller instead of drama/romance. I freaking LOVE this movie, def go check it out if you haven’t cause there’s a lot more plot I left out. thaaaank you all, I’ll be starting the next movie fic soon !:)

#billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things fanfic #billy hargrove #stranger things imagine #the craft (1996)

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lalainajanes · 6 years

Note

Other people have probably already sent you "another one", but just in case: 28/29 (writer's choice) and 63. Thanks!

29 Wedding fic + 63 Mistaken for a couple. I comboed this one with 83 Erotic Dreams + 63 Everybody Knows/Mistaken For A Couple from @thetourguidebarbie (hence the Kolenzo!).

When heralarm goes off, at 6 AM on a Saturday, Caroline shoves her head under herpillow and groans, deeply resentful about the fact that she can’t even get awaywith hitting the snooze button more than twice.

Curse hercommitment to being a kick ass BFF.

Klaus issupposed to pick her up at seven and she wants to double check her luggagebefore he gets to her place. The winery they’re heading to doesn’t have aconvenient nearby drugstore she can pop into if she forgets toothpaste.

If she werea flakier type she would have bailed on this trip and spent her Saturday lazingaround her apartment. But nope, she’s determined that Enzo and Kol’s weddingwill be awesome and, if she doesn’t tag along they’ll probably get distractedby tasting the wines and looking for secret nooks they can defile and totallyforget to check out the amenities and ask pertinent questions about the kitchenset up and guest capacity.

She’s notentirely sure why Klaus is helping with the pre-wedding stuff but he’s mostlykept his mouth shut unless asked a direct question. She doubts he’d be all thatinterested in keeping the nauseatingly cute couple on task. He has good taste,at least, so Caroline can’t complain about an extra pair of helping hands.Plus, he lives in her city and seemed to have no qualms about her tagging alongon a long drive.

She’d havebeen so bored by herself.

Her secondalarm sounds and Caroline tosses the pillow aside, sitting up and shoving herhair out of her face, reaching out to grab her phone. She cuts the sound,tosses it aside. Her spine cracks when she reaches her arms above her head in astretch and it’s so so tempting to flop back onto her nice comfy mattress.

But nope.Duty calls. “It’s gonna be a long day,” Caroline grumbles.

The nexttime she wake up it’s with a gasp.

She’d justbeen dreaming, a vivid one set in the backseat of Klaus’ SUV. She’s shaking alittle with frustration, the sensations her imagination had conjured lingering.Her jeans had been dangling from one leg and Klaus’ had been lowered, his shirtdiscarded as they’d moved together frantically. In her dream his voice had beenrough as he’d moaned in her ear and she’d clawed at his back in an attempt toget him deeper.

Disoriented,blinking dumbly at the front windshield, Caroline fights against her seatbelt. Shetries to straighten up in her seat, pressing her feet into the floorboards. Shefeels overheated and tugs her scarf away from her neck, using her other hand tocoil her hair away up and away from her neck.

It takesher a second to realize they’re no longer on the highway, instead drivingslower, down a pretty street lined with brightly painted shops and restaurants.

“Pleasantdreams, sweetheart?” Klaus asks. She twists her head to look at him, wonderingif she was imagining the little note of satisfaction in his question. He’sfocused on the road and Caroline decides her dream’s just messing with hermind.

“I don’treally remember,” Caroline lies. “Do you mind if I crack a window?” She doesn’twait for an answer, stabbing at the button on her door and gulping in the coolair gratefully.

She’sdeeply disappointed in her sub conscious. Klaus is hot but she’s been toldplenty of stories that make her think he’s a terrible guy for her to beinterested in. Kol has gleefully recounted Klaus’ exploits, the implosions of hisserious relationships. He’s so not crush material, seems to be a heart crusher.

Hertraitorous body, the arousal she can’t quite will away, seems to disagree.

“We’ll getout in a minute,” Klaus tells her. “Kol texted to say he and Enzo are runninglate so I thought we’d stop for food.”

Part of herfeels like that’s a bad idea �� eating a meal with Klaus, alone, has date-like vibes. Caroline doesn’t want to encourage herbrain. She’s stuck with him for the next thirty-sixish hours and she’d reallylike to get through them without any more sex dreams. The rest of her, the partthat had been miffed that her morning rush had only allowed for her to consumea granola bar and a handful of strawberries, is down for a meal.

Her stomachgrowls audibly so clearly the hungry side wins.

Klaus makesa low noise, the barest hint of a laugh, and Caroline shoots him a glare. Hemisses it, busy concentrating on parking. “Quiet. My breakfast was tiny.”

“Shouldn’tskip the most important meal of the day,” Klaus teases.

“Yeah,yeah. Where are we eating?”

“Unfortunately,I’m not especially familiar with the options around here.”

Carolineglances at the clock on the dash, sees that she’s slept for almost three hours.“Lemme Google.” She does a quick search for nearby brunch spots, findssomeplace with an impressive Yelp score. She passes her phone to Klaus once she’spulled up the menu. “Here. This good? I don’t know if you have any weird food things.”

He scrollsthrough quickly, “Looks good. And no, I don’t think I’m especially picky.”

She filesthe information away, and then wonders why she’d bothered. She wouldn’t needit, no matter how good the dream sex had been.

Realitywould surely disappoint. Didn’t it always? Just because Klaus had aestheticallypleasing hands didn’t mean he’d know what to do with them.

Caroline reachesdown for her purse and unbuckles her seatbelt. She forces a cheery tone,determined to shove all her weird conflicting thoughts away. “Great!” shechirps. “Let’s eat.”

Coming outof the bathroom Caroline pauses near the hostess’ stand, lifting up on to hertoes to scan the restaurant. A waitress stops in front of her, her greying hairslicked back into a high ponytail. She grins, tucking a pad into the pocket ofher apron, “Looking for your young man, hon? He’s out on the patio.”

“Oh, he’snot my…” the waitress bustles away, heading toward the kitchen pass. “…boyfriend,”Caroline finishes uselessly.

It’s notthe first time people have mistakenly assumed she and Klaus are a thing but everytime it’s happened before they’ve been doing wedding things. Kol and Enzo areforever running late and when two people show up for an appointment to checkout stationary it’s a reasonable assumption.

Not so,this time. Can’t a man and a woman walk into a diner without people seeingsomething romantic? Sheesh.

Carolineweaves her way through the tables, heading towards the doors that lead to theoutdoor dining area. She restaurant’s pretty busy, only a few unoccupiedtables. The patio looks more deserted from what she can see but then it is alittle chilly to be eating outside. She steps out, smiles at the only otheroccupant, a middle aged woman with a golden retriever. Klaus is at a table onthe other end, the menu spread out in front of him.

She slidesin across from him and he glances up, a smile pulling at his lips. “Hope youdon’t mind I asked to eat out here. You seemed a bit… overheated.”

Carolineflushed, studying him carefully. Something about his smile bugs her, she’s just not sure why. “This is fine,” she says slowly.“I’m fine. I just…” she realizes, belatedly, that she has no reasonableexplanation for her jittery wake up. That beginning to offer one was probably amisstep.

Klaus doesn’tcall her on her unfinished sentence. “Coffee should be here in a moment. Thewaitress who seated me said she’d be right back. That she’d keep an eye out foryou.”

Hmm.Interesting. “Did you tell her we were a thing?”

Klaus leansback in his seat, “She assumed. I saw no need to correct her.”

“Why? Aren’tyou worried I’ll cramp your style?”

He laughs,his eyes flitting towards the restaurant’s interior. “Somehow I doubt I’d havemuch luck with that crowd.”

Fair point.Most of the patrons probably qualified for a senior’s discount. “Don’t sellyourself short,” Caroline jokes. “Grandma types love dimples and yours are excellent. I don’t want to ruin your chancesof landing a sugar mama.”

Klausgrimaces, “Somehow I’ll survive without the pleasure.”

“If you’resure…”

Hisexpression turns sly, “I do appreciate the compliment, however.”

It takesher a second to get what he means. “Oh please. Like you don’t use the dimplesto your advantage. I saw you in action at the bakery, remember? Getting extrasamples to take home.”

“Which Ishared with you.”

Klaus had coaxedher into helping him eat them on a park bench, Klaus had claimed if he broughtthem back to his apartment he’d never get to eat them before Kol did. Caroline’sfingers had ended up smeared with frosting and her sides had hurt from laughingat Klaus’ stories about growing up with his siblings, the sneaky maneuvering andtricks they’d played.

Oh god. It hadjust occurred to her how freaking date-y thathad been.

She’s gonea little still and it takes a second to pick up the conversation. “It was goodcake,” Caroline murmurs.

He hums anagreement, setting his elbows on the table. “Perhaps we should go back theresomeday. See if the other offerings are as delicious.”

“Are youasking me out?” Caroline blurts out. She’s louder than she’d meant to be andCaroline glances around. Luckily, the only other diner is uninterested in theirconversation. She drags her chair a little closer to the table, lowering hervoice. “Klaus… what?”

“Yes, I’masking you out,” he says, perfectly calm. “Enzo’s informed me that my darlingbrother has been sharing certain… stories and I’d like to ask you to disregardthem. Kol noted my… interest and delights in making my life difficult wheneverpossible.”

Havingknown Kol for several years Caroline can totally see that. “Just when did henote your interest?” Caroline asks. Because Kol’s been offering tidbits aboutKlaus for months, since pretty much the first time she’d met Klaus.

Klaus’ lipspress together, the briefest flicker of discomfort crossing his face. “Aftermeeting you, hearing about how you’d offered to help with wedding plans, Imight have offered my own services.”

Well. That’skinda flattering. Caroline sits up and grins, does her best Scarlett O’Haraaccent, “Be still my heart. Little ole me made a big impression, huh?”

Klaus’ lipscurl in amusement, “Was it not mutual?”

“Conceited,”Caroline sing songs.

His eyesflit behind her and he leans across the table, his voice nearly a whisper, “Hardfor a man not to be when he hears a woman moan his name in her sleep.”

Caroline’seyes widen and she’s saved from sputtering out something embarrassing when amug is set in front of her, a delicious smelling stream of coffee immediatelypoured in. Klaus sits back in his seat, annoyingly self-assured and smug,smiling up at their waitress. Caroline distantly hears her ask if they’re readyto order, and Klaus asking for another couple of minutes.

By the timeshe bustles away Caroline’s still kind of shell shocked.

Klaus stirssugar into his coffee, slow deliberate movements. It’s a struggle not to watchhis hands. “You never answered me earlier, love?”

She has noidea what he’s talking about.

He nudgesthe little basket of creamers and sugars in her direction. “About whether ornot your dreams were pleasant. From the sounds of it you were quite enjoyingwhatever it was I was doing to you.”

Caroline’sjaw drops, “Are you seriously asking about dream-yous sexual prowess right now?”

Klausgrins, unrepentant. “I am. Does that bother you?”

It doesn’t.Not really. Still, no need to hand him all her secrets on a silver platter. Shebusies herself with doctoring up her own coffee, letting her mind wander backto her dream.

She’d beentrying to bury it but it seemed like that wasn’t necessary. Not when Klausseems amenable to making it a reality. “Dreamyou was working with limited space so I don’t know if it’s fair to judge.”

Klaus browsrise, his intrigue obvious. “Oh? Tell me more.”

Carolinedoes.

Later, whenthey drive up to the potential venue, she can’t be surprised when they’regreeted like they’re the happy couple planning their nuptials. Not when Klauscan’t seem to keep his hands off of her and Caroline’s perfectly happy invadinghis personal space bubble. She’s not even mad when she has to wait a half hourfor Enzo and Kol to join them.

Carolinehad booked their group three rooms. They only use two.

#klaroline #klaroline drabbles #storiesofthesoul #thetourguidebarbie

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hiilikedragons · 6 years

Note

I'm soo happy you're back!! I've missed the sacrifice au so much and still think about it sometimes and suddenly I've read the whole thing in a day again. It was one of the first proper long fanfics I read years ago and one of my favs ever!

Thank you so much anon!

“Do you plan on showing mercy any time soon?”

There’s a little amusement in Valka’s voice, a teasing lilt, but Astrid wonders if there’s a more sincere sentiment underlying it.

They’re cradled in the stone windows of their living quarters, sharing a bowl of berries as they watch the aviary. Below them, unaware of his audience, Hiccup has a new dragon prosthesis in his hand, and he’s chasing a Changewing with a torn wing back and forth. Curled up on a rock, Toothless looks on with barely stifled smugness, his tail languorously flicking side to side.

“Giving him hope wouldn’t be mercy.” Astrid replies with a taste of bitterness. “I don’t do anything just because I like watching him squirm.” Though there was a little satisfaction in it. “I do it because I hate him. I don’t want him near me.”

She never would have said such a thing so bluntly to Valka before. When she first came to the sanctuary, she tiptoed around badmouthing Hiccup, worried that it would make Valka angry. After these several weeks, though, they’ve become so close– it’s almost like talking with her own mother.

Almost. Not quite.

“You hated him once before,” the older woman mentions, her tone casual. “How did you overcome it the last time?”

It’s a fair question. Astrid ponders it as she rolls a berry across her tongue. Was it the day he took her to Bulg for the first time, giving her a taste of freedom? Was it learning about his past from his mother? It’s hard to say when she started enjoying his presence instead of despising it.

“Maybe it was just a trick of the mind.” She shrugs, tilting her head a little. “I was a prisoner. I had nobody else.”

“It could be. It’s a possibility.” That’s why she likes Valka so much. She doesn’t judge, and she doesn’t let her feelings blind her to reason. “The best way to find out would be to give him a chance now that you’re free.”

Astrid wrinkles her nose, flicking her gaze to Valka’s face to show her displeasure before glancing back at the bowl. Her fingers flick and dig for the largest, most perfect looking berry. “You want me to forgive him.”

With a heavy exhale, Valka makes a vague gesture with her hand in Hiccup’s direction. “I’m biased. Mothers aren’t very good at seeing the worst in their children.”

Astrid doesn’t reply, instead throwing fruit at her.

The other woman’s laugh is hearty and warm. “I mean it. If you look at him long and hard, you might be able to figure out why exactly you fell for him in the first place. Or–” She shrugs. “You find that it was only your nearness to each other that pushed you two together. Either way, you won’t know until you try talking.”

Astrid feels her eyes roll upwards– not in disrespect, but unwillingness. She unfolds herself from the crook of the stone window and slides down the wall so she can stretch her legs out in front of her. Her jaw tightens as she knots her fingers in the fabric of her tunic, as if she can hold the little life inside just as tight. She glares ahead.

“I’m just… so…” Shaking her head, Astrid huffs like a perturbed dragon. “I’m so angry.”

“Are you angry?” Valka takes advantage of the new space in the window, propping her feet up where Astrid had been sitting. “Or are you hurt?”

“Both? Mostly angry.” The stone behind her feels cold through her clothes and even seeps through her braid. “It’s like there’s this hot coal in my chest, always burning. Always stinging. When he leaves me alone, it’s just kind of sizzling, but when I see him–” Her words lose traction, and she struggles for the right thing to say. “I want to rip it out.”

They sit in quiet for a moment. Hiccup’s voice just barely floats upwards from outside.

After a few minutes of thoughtful silence, Valka crawls out of the window and places the bowl by Astrid. She grabs her staff and walks towards the exit to the aviary. Over her shoulder, she cheerfully says, “All coals burn up eventually.”

It’s well after midnight when Valka rouses Hiccup from his sleep, squeezing his shoulder with a warm hand. He blinks blearly into the dark, startling a little when he makes out the frightful mask of his mother’s helmet.

“I told you not to do that,” he mumbles, pushing up on an elbow and rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hand. “You know that thing is creepy.”

She makes a noise of amusement, more of a purr than a laugh. An evolution after living with the dragons for so long. “Sorry, dear.” Then her tone drops, more serious. “I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a flight. There’s a ship of trackers skirting the ice.”

Toothless must pick up on the sound of warning in Valka’s voice, because he rustles in the corner and yawns, sitting up.

“What’s brought them so close?” Hiccup pats his furs for his flask out of habit before remembering he doesn’t have it anymore.

“Not sure.” His mother glances over her shoulder, as if she’s being watched. “It might be our comings and goings. I’m going to try and draw them away.”

“You’re leaving now?”

She straightens and bobs her head in a nod. “There’s no time to waste. If word of our location spreads, we could be swarmed with trappers in a day’s time.”

He begins to pull his furs aside. “Shouldn’t I go with you?”

Her hand on his shoulder stops him. “No. I need you here to protect the sanctuary if it turns out to be a distraction. If they slip by me or if another ship arrives, I need someone who can organize the dragons and defend us.”

The idea of sleep instantly evaporates. He reaches a hand for Toothless, and he’s met with a scaly nudge. “Do you think I need to get Astrid out of here?”

Valka’s eerie mask tilts back and forth in a display of uncertainty. “I think it’s better if she stays. The ships are still a few days out by boat. No sense in moving her over an unlikely possibility, and if something does happen, she’ll probably be more help to you here.”

He doesn’t entirely agree. The idea of Trappers and Astrid in the same place makes his skin prickle with uneasiness. But he trusts that Valka doesn’t think the ships are an urgent threat. Even more nerve wracking than the idea of nearby ships is the thought of the two of them being alone in a frosty silence without his mother as a buffer between them.

“I’ll hold everything down here,” he assures her. “I’ll send a dragon if we spot anything.”

Once she’s gone, the place feels too quiet and open. Hiccup figures he’ll get a couple more hours of rest before getting up– he might need it in case of an emergency– but he’s wide awake. Instead of staring at the ceiling and sighing, he decides to take Toothless for a late-night flight. It’ll let him keep an eye on the horizon and stretch his dragon’s wings before the rest of the world stirs.

No ships, so far as the eye can see. It allays his fears a little to see nothing but black ocean and blue ice for miles. The ship Valka saw must be rather far out indeed. That makes him feel slightly better about the threat of the sanctuary being found by trappers.

He enjoys his time with Toothless until the sky begins to lighten. Thor knows his Night Fury enjoys it just as much as he does, having been making less regular trips across the archipelago. The cold air that slips through his flight suit is exhilarating, and it helps him think. Everything feels a little bit clearer near the clouds.

There are a few dragons from the sanctuary that are starting to rise and skim the water’s surface for food. They play and dance in the ocean spray, giving Hiccup an idea. He directs Toothless to snag a few fish for themselves and heads for home just as morning light begins to sparkle off the sanctuary spires.

He’s never been a great cook, but fish is one thing he can do with no problem. Catch it, throw it over a fire, make sure it doesn’t fall into the flames. He remembers some of the harder nights with Toothless– back before they found a place to settle– where he was so hungry he would hardly wait for the fish to cook through before tearing into it. These days, since he has the luxury of time, he sometimes tends to let it burn.

That’s probably the smell that brings a bleary-eyed Astrid inside. At first her expression is just sleepy and confused, probably expecting to find Valka at the fire, but she pulls up short when she finds him instead.

“Good morning!” He blurts before she can have a chance to run away. He’s trying to plate a trout that’s falling to pieces, struggling to keep it in one piece. It’s a good thing that blacksmithing has stripped him of most feeling in his fingertips, because he’s sure they’d be blistered by the heat. “Toothless– show the good lady to her seat.”

As rehearsed, the Night Fury stalks behind her and uses his nose to nudge her towards a seat. Astrid makes a noise of indignation but doesn’t object. She watches Hiccup with a sharp gaze, which is only slightly softened by a tinge of curiosity. Her arms stay crossed defensively in front of her.

“Breakfast, to start the day.” He sets the fish on the stone next to her, already sure she wouldn’t take it if he handed it over. His strategy is to keep her distracted with conversation until she slips up and speaks to him. “Fresh pike, caught just hours ago by your favorite offspring of lightning and death. A cup of tea, ready to brew. Mom’s going to be out for a few days, but if you need anything, I can get it for you.”

Without replying, Astrid picks up the plate and sniffs it cautiously. The expression her face pulls isn’t promising. His hands are pouring hot water into a cup of tea leaves, but his attention is fully engrossed by her every movement.

It must be at least slightly tempting, because she picks out a less scorched piece of fish and brings it to her lips. He’s pleased when she doesn’t immediately spit out her first couple of nibbles, but before he can get too excited, her brow suddenly furrows. She sets down the plate with a little force and uses the back of her hand to wipe her mouth.

Instead of waiting for disappointment to set in, he inhales deeply and presses on.

“Fiske’s wife actually showed me this tea. You remember Fiske? His wife is kind of terrifying.” When he steps close to hand her the cup, he can tell that she’s breathing a little unsteadily. Valka tells him to check on her whenever she ends up sick to her stomach, but he’s always pushed away– verbally and physically– whenever he tries.

She takes the cup from his hand, eyeing it warily. This time he stands next to her and watches as she takes a tiny sip. Surprisingly, a minute amount of tension seems to melt from her stiff frame, and she adjusts her hands around the tea to hold it tightly. Wordless, she stares into the fire and slowly nurses the cup.

His relief is potent. He darts back to his own breakfast and sits on the stone bench next to hers.

Toothless curls at her feet and sits his head in her lap for scratchies, which he is granted albeity distractedly. If Astrid notices him using his long forked tongue to try and reach chunks of the fish on her plate, she doesn’t say anything. There’s a weariness to her features that he can’t help but notice out of the corner of his eye.

They sit in silence for a long time, which is more progress than he’s made with her in the weeks since he returned. He’s scared to say something to pierce the bubble of civility she’s decided to wrap them in, worried that the moment he tries to appeal to her that the ice and thorns will reappear.

Eventually, after Toothless has cleaned off her mostly untouched plate, she tilts the cup in her hands back and forth. “What is this?”

It’s pathetic how quickly he jumps at the question. “Raspberry leaf, alfalfa, and dried ginger.”

Astrid nods, handing the cup back to him. Hiccup’s not sure if that means she’s done or she wants more, but he stands and begins preparing a second.

“I’ve been wondering something,” she begins, resting her elbows on her knees and lacing her fingers together. “If you’d never left Berk, do you think we would’ve been friends?”

The thought causes his hands to slow momentarily, but then he’s able to shake it off. “I hope so.”

The first streak of annoyance crosses her features, informing him that his reply wasn’t what she wanted to hear. “I mean, you were spoiled and obnoxious, but I never disliked you. But would I have liked you? Not just like I liked Snot, but could we have wanted each other there the way we did on our island?”

Something inside his chest swells and overflows at the little word our. Such a tiny, inconsequential word, but it’s the first ray of hope he’s felt in a while. Stepping over Toothless, he presses the cup into her accepting hands and sits with his back to the bench, just a little bit closer to her.

“I used to think about it. Pretend that instead of running from Berk, Toothless and I saved it. And everybody learned to trust dragons, and my dad was proud of me, and you fell madly in love with me. Some nights, I would dream it so vividly– it felt almost real.”

Astrid exhales a short laugh into her tea. “I dreamed that I found the nest and killed them all. There was a feast in my honor, with wine and roast and honey cakes.” Her tone is wry. “There were some winters where the shortages were so bad, I’d wake up chewing on my quilt.”

He breathes his own humorless chuckle. She shakes her head and smooths a hand over her hair.

“I just wonder,” she whispers, eyes closed. “Did our attraction to each other play tricks on us? Were we using each other to pretend we aren’t both irreparably damaged? Was there anything that was real between us?”

Hiccup jerks back, surprised by the sharp pain of her questions. He shouldn’t be surprised. He asked himself those same things over and over after taking her to meet his mother for the first time. They were easy questions to ask before he knew what it felt like to have lost her– possibly forever. Now, it’s almost shocking how wrong they seem.

For a moment, neither of them speak. They watch the fire flickering lowly, with the sound of dragons waking and chattering in the distance.

Hiccup risks shifting to look directly at her. If he reached out his hand, he could just barely touch her. He wants to.

“I didn’t leave because I didn’t want you,” he says slowly and quietly.

Her laced fingers immediately clench. “Don’t.”

“I left because I wanted you more than I thought made sense. Enough to scare me.”

“Hiccup, stop.” Her sigh sounds frustrated, and she sits up, holding out a hand as if she can physically block his words from reaching her.

But he can’t. This is the closest he’s gotten to her in weeks, the most she’s let him speak since he arrived. He feels like he has to blurt it out before the door shuts again and they’re back to frosty silence.

“I’ve spent a long time trying to outrun my past. Things I’ve done, things I’ve seen. I wanted to keep it all in the tailwinds where it can’t hurt me. But you– you, Astrid–” He tries to take her hand, but she pulls away. His own hands curl and flex with nervous energy. “You slammed into me. Made me actually want to be still for a while. And then before I knew it, you weren’t something behind me, you were the only thing in front of me.”

“I can’t do this!” She stands abruptly, almost breaking her cup as she sets it down. Backing away, she stabs a finger at him and glares with watery eyes. “You can’t do this, Hiccup!”

“Please, Astrid, just let me explain!” He’s on his feet too, and Toothless whines in sudden confusion. “I was afraid of slowing down, of stopping, of wanting something I wasn’t guaranteed to keep.”

“I gave you everything! What more of a guarantee did you need?”

A flicker of ire ignites under his skin. “Can you really tell me you would have been happy with that life forever? Forsaking your family, your village, hidden away and always waiting on a cliff for me to come back in one piece? Hiding our identities and never really settling in one place? Can you tell me you wouldn’t have wanted out eventually?”

“I don’t know!”

“And can you swear that I could always protect you from my enemies? I have a lot of them. Can you promise you would be safe? Your child would be safe?” Even the thought reminds him of the trappers in the far distance, creeping closer and closer to their sanctuary. It stirs a panic in him that he can’t stifle.

“I don’t know!” Her voice breaks. She paces like a dragon in a cage, eyes of crystal blazing. “I could forgive you being afraid, because I was terrified the day you left. But how can I trust you, Hiccup? You take our future in your hands and make decisions without stopping to consider how I feel!”

“What do you even mean? I’ve spent weeks considering your feelings, trying to repent, but you cut me off at every turn.”

“Because I want you to know what it’s like!” Tears finally spill onto her cheeks. Without even pausing to wipe them away, she takes a few steps towards him. “To believe that you could love someone if they would just let you!”

He grabs her by the elbows. “Then just let me!”

“I told you, I can’t!” Astrid breaks away, shoulders rising and falling in near hysterics. He wants to chase her as she turns away and crosses the room, but there’s something keeping his boots welded to the floor. For several minutes, they both stand in silence. Catching their breaths and sorting through all the words floating between them.

Then she faces him again. The tears are gone. The door of opportunity has been closed. He can see it in her face, the cold detachment and prickly guardedness. It’s as if a wrought iron door is clattering as it rushes to shut between them.

“Give me the dishes,” she says, “I’ll wash them.”

He wonders if she notices the way she holds her hand close to her body, as if it’s itching to cover her abdomen. She’s worn nothing but baggy clothes while she’s been here, and they hang on her frame. It makes her look even skinnier than before she came, and it leaves him forever wondering about their baby. Is she showing at all? Is she punishing him by hiding? His anxiety could choke him with the way it tightens his throat.

“I’ll do them.” He can hear the defeat in his own voice. “I know how to get the Night Fury spit off anyways.”

Astrid doesn’t argue and leaves without another word.

Boom. The wrought iron door slams down.

Hiccup wonders about his dad a lot. What he’s up to. Where he goes. What he would do or say if he knew it was his son beneath the Dragon Rider’s mask. And damn it– he misses him. Even though Stoick the Vast has become famous for his hatred of dragons, Hiccup still misses him.

It takes everything in him to avoid his father’s house, the Great Hall, anywhere he might see his dad’s giant figure and be tempted to watch for a while. And really, he should wait until it’s darker, until the rest of the island has gone to sleep. The sky is only a purplish navy. But he has time on the mind. He has to be in and out quickly, to get back to the sanctuary before Astrid starts to think he’s abandoned her again. He’ll be in for a world of hurt if she notices he’s gone.

Unsurprisingly, the Hoffersons’ door is unlocked. He’s already been watching the village since before sunset– he knows Calder is down by the pier helping tie up the last few fishing boats to come in. Astrid’s mother entered the house several minutes ago, and she hasn’t shown signs of leaving. Now is the best time to move.

He deliberately makes noise when crawling through Astrid’s bedroom window. It’s much safer than going through the front door or wandering downstairs where Calder could walk in at any moment. And it works. After a moment of pacing heavily across the bedroom floor, he hears rapid steps on the stairs. The door bursts open.

Mrs. Hofferson looks slightly disappointed to see him, but she doesn’t have a weapon this time. She doesn’t immediately scream or alert the neighbors or threaten him bodily harm. Maybe it’s because he’s been here before, and he’s the closest thing she has to news of her daughter. Maybe it’s because he has his facemask flipped up so she can see his eyes.

“I’m human,” he says before she can recover from her surprise. Her blue eyes dart to and fro as she evaluates him, just the way her daughter does when she suspects there might be a threat looming. “I’m not a monster, and I’m not a danger to you or your family.”

“Did you find her?” the woman asks, keeping her voice as low as Hiccup’s. He figures she has just as much to lose if he gets discovered. “Do you have her?”

“Not as a prisoner,” he qualifies. “She’s free.”

Maybe it’s not quite the right thing for him to say. Her brow seems to crumple with hurt and confusion. “She hasn’t come home.”

“She can’t.” Hiccup doesn’t want anyone on Berk knowing about the baby. It’s risky even doing this much. “I can’t tell you everything. But she’s alive, she’s safe, and she misses you. I can prove it to you. But I need something first.”

The Hofferson matriarch keeps her chin up, even as it wobbles. She watches him narrowly. “You’re not what I expected. Not what they say.” After a long moment of staring into his eyes, she must decide that he’s safe enough to cooperate with. She exhales a steadying breath. “Well, then? What could the Lord of Dragons want from our humble home?”

Hiccup feels the corner of his mouth daring to turn upwards. “First, I need your promise this stays between us…”

It’s something he hasn’t done in a long time.

He’s practicing a speech.

“And I promise that from now on… I’ll always be by your side.” Hiccup recites the same words he’s repeated over and over since leaving Berk. He’s reorganized them and rearranged them and eliminated them altogether. He’s written and rewritten a thousand different ways to tell his wife that no matter how many times they argue, no matter how much she despises him, he’s not going anywhere.

He has his gift from her mother stashed safely away, and his heart is thrumming with a nervous energy. With the time spent flying across the archipelago and back, he’s had time to think. And despite all the ways she told him– explicitly and implicitly– that she’s not ready to forgive him yet, she did say one thing.

She might have loved him. Once.

It’s a small thing to hold onto. Barely even mentioned in passing. It’s completely possible that any small amount of affection she held for him once is long gone now. But he’s seen the way his mother’s eyes cloud when she thinks about his dad. He remembers the way his father would reminisce about her. Similarly, if Astrid loved him then, she could love him now. It might not be too late.

At least, that’s the hope that he’s holding onto. That and an envelope from Berk.

It’s after mid-morning when the sanctuary comes into view. He’s relieved to see that there are no strange ships nearby, no nervous-looking dragons. Everything as he left it the day before.

Just as they’re approaching the island, though, something happens. Toothless’ ears prick, twitching this way and that, and he draws up in an alarmed loop-de-loop.

“Whoa!” Hiccup reaches out to touch his dragon’s crown. “What’s going on, bud?” His first, most terrifying thought is that there’s an enemy. An intruder. Someone’s breached the sanctuary.

Toothless whirs and barks in response, ducking with renewed speed to enter the maze of tunnels that make up the sanctuary’s caves. He moves so quickly that his rider’s vision is blurred as he dives through the stone labyrinth. Hiccup can feel the tension and urgency in every flick of the dragon’s wings.

They spill out near the top of the aviary, and a nest of hatchlings scatter at the commotion. Hiccup quickly scans the scenery, but none of the other dragons seem as agitated as his. The Bewildebeast is unphased by their entrance, staring intently into the distance. If there was a trapper here, wouldn’t the dragons know before anyone else? Wouldn’t the alpha have sensed approaching boats?

Toothless jerks in the direction of the Bewildebeast’s gaze, and Hiccup is pulled into flight just as he recognizes a pair of yellow and blue wings. Stormfly.

She’s perched near the alcove that Astrid has made into her room. Hopping back and forth with a frazzled energy, the Nadder screeches and flaps frantically towards the wall. His heart hammers against his breastbone as he watches Stormfly scratch the ground in distress.

Hiccup doesn’t have to say anything– his dragon is already zeroed in on the scene. Terror has frozen his blood in his veins, leaving him cold and numb and afraid.

“Astrid!” he shouts, and he’s tripping out of his saddle before Toothless has even properly touched down. Stormfly reacts by hissing and turning on him, using her wings to block his view.

“Hiccup!” Astrid’s voice calls back, sounding thready and strained. “Stormy, it’s okay, let him by.”

Whether she’s obeying her rider or intimidated by Toothless, the Nadder backs down. Just slightly at first, and then stepping aside so Hiccup can see Astrid sitting on the ground, leaned back against the cave wall. Her shoulders are hunched around her, and there’s sweat glistening on her forehead. When she slowly pushes to her feet, she keeps one hand knotted in the front of her tunic. She’s wincing.

“Astrid, what happened?” He’s immediately at her side, giving her his shoulder to steady her. “Is there somebody here?”

“Where were you?” Her accusation says volumes. She was looking for him. Before he can even answer, though, she asks, “When will Valka be back?”

“I don’t know,” he answers honestly. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“I need her,” she insists, letting him lead her over to Toothless. Stormfly’s irate chirping lessens just slightly at the sight of Astrid’s arm hooked around Hiccup’s side. “How far out is she?”

“I don’t know.” The second time he says it sounds even more pathetic. “She could be a couple of days out by dragon by now, maybe less.”

“Frigga,” she swears, looking upwards so she can blink back tears. “I don’t know what to do.”

He shifts her in front of him so that she can lean against his dragon, who is watching with concern and confusion. Hiccup cups her face in one hand and grips her arm with the other. “I’m here. I’m here, Astrid. What happened?”

After a moment of squeezing her eyes shut, clearly trying to not cry, she swallows and exhales slowly. “Something’s wrong,” she says. Her voice shakes. “It feels like– it just hurts. And I’m bleeding. I don’t think I’m supposed to.”

And there it is. His worst fear. Something he can’t protect her from, something he can’t stop. He has no answers, no way to help, and he feels absolutely useless. It’s exactly what he always knew would happen eventually, what he told her he was afraid of.

But there’s something– something else. Maybe something that’s been there forever, or maybe something that just grew there overnight. But it’s a steadiness. A calm that he couldn’t expect.

This is his wife. His child. And all the fear, the shock, the uncertainty that he feels somehow is dampened by the panic in her face. He has to act now, do something, and then he can process his own emotions later. For now, he has to be her husband.

“Here’s what we’re doing,” he begins, hoping his voice isn’t trembling as much as he is. “I’m taking you to the closest village. I’ll send a dragon out for Mom, tell her where we’re going so she can meet us there. Okay?”

Astrid doesn’t argue, doesn’t protest. She holds his eye contact, gaze full of trust, and nods.

“Okay. Now. It’s going to be a few hours’ flight. Do you think you can hang on to me or does Toothless need to carry you?”

He’s going through a checklist in his head: he needs to untie the saddlebags to lighten the load so Toothless can be faster; he needs to write a letter to his mom and find one of her tracking dragons; he needs to get her fur coat and consult his map. His thoughts are racing faster than he can keep up.

“I can manage for a little bit, but I don’t know how long.” In this moment, he can tell she’s forgotten how angry she is at him, how much they’ve fought. She’s holding tight to his shirt and leaning into his arms. “Can you hold me in front? Like the night of the sacrifice?”

“All day and longer,” he promises. When he pries her hand off of his arm, it’s with utmost gentleness and a tinge of regret. “Rest here with Tooth. We’ll be leaving in a minute. I’m sure the baby’s fine.” He’s not, and he hates it, but it seems like the right thing to say.

“You didn’t even want this,” she whispers, and he can see the paranoia slipping into her features, the hurt and the anger. “Why do you care what happens to the baby?”

“Stop.” He squeezes her shoulders and ducks his head to look her straight on. “You’re not doing that to me now. Not when I’m about to do everything in my power to make sure you and our baby are alright. Do you hear me?”

Astrid nods. The doubt in her expression seems to flee. She searches his face. “Our baby?”

He kisses her forehead. Hard. “Ours.”

Such a tiny word.

#dragondrabbles #sacrifice!au #part... twenty?

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crowleyellestair · 7 years

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Leonard Snart- Profiler

AN/ This is a sort of Criminal Minds- Flash crossover.

Masterlist

Summary: You worked for the BAU and you were the top profiler, and you met the flash by figuring it out. Now you’re on team flash, and you are now the person to make or break the team.

“Okay. Thank you Spencer. I miss you guys! Bye.” You put the phone down, and look at the rest of the team. The new team. Team Flash.

“What is it Sherlock?” You smile at Cisco’s nickname for you, and shake your head.

“They won’t be able to make it out here for us, but Spence is always okay with me calling him for advice. We’re on our own for this one.”

Harry walks over and clasps his hand on my shoulder,

“You’re all the help we need.” I give a respectful, curt nod. I was apart of the team, but at the same time, I was fairly new and I didn’t feel ‘in’ yet. I have helped out alot, but I can’t do too much. I could figure out how to find the people, or know who they are based on the crime scene, but other than that not much. I’m only on this team because I transferred to CCPD, figured out it was Barry, and asked him.

Cisco ripping open a new bag of twizzlers catches my attention. We make eye contact, and he smiles while throwing me two. I smile back and plop into my spinning chair. I start to spin, and push of the desk, propelling me back, away from the desk, and into someone. I stand when the chair stops, and I come chest to chest with one of the most handsome men I have ever met.

“Careful sweetcheeks. People get hurt when they’re this close.” He softly, slowly blinks, his piercing eyes looking back at me. His smirk not fully reaching his eyes.

I sit back down into the chair, and slide back to the desk.

“Snart. What are you doing here?” Barry’s body showed defensive actions, but I could tell it was somewhat for show.

“I need you to take someone in for me.” Cisco, Harry, and Barry looked very confused. He rolls his eyes, “This guy named ‘Double Down’. He showed up at my place last night, and said he had Lisa.”

“Then why didn’t you stop him?”

“Because his body is made of cards, and did magic or something to disappear.”

“Actually, if his name was Double Down, it could be referring to gambling. And you must be Leonard Snart, so it’s someone that knows you. Otherwise he wouldn’t have really known that Lisa is an obvious pressure point of yours. So we’re looking for a gambling un-sub, who is seeking vengeance. Kidnappers only show up to the family in someway if they want a ransom, or some form of payment. And in this case, I think he might want your life. Do you know of anyone who sounds like that, that you know?”

Everyone was quiet.

“Who the hell is she?” Leonard looked mildly impressed, yet offended.

“A former BAU agent. She’s the CCPD’s first profiler.” Cisco sounded excited, but I keep eye contact with Snart. He was so beautiful.

“Charming.” I smile, but he doesn’t return it, “It sounds like Jeremy Tell. So how do we get him?”

“This is a terrible idea.” Len’s hand is cold against the small of my back. His hand was pressed against my bare back. The dress I was wearing made me slightly uncomfortable, and his touches weren’t helping. Nor was his attitude.

“Barry’s leg is severely injured, and I have bagged over one-hundred serial killers. I think we’ll be okay. But the lack of confidence in me is kind of messing me up right now, so if you don’t mind,” I stop and look him dead in the,”Shut up.” We keep walking till I spot our target. I stop Len again, “You seem like a cool guy, but you seem like your emotions will get the better of you, so let me do the talking.”

He shakes his head,

“No. That’s my sister-”

“Exactly. And I will save her. I didn’t mean to, but I may have slightly psychoanalysed you. I know you love her more than your own life, and because of that, you’re prepared to do something stupid. Let me do the talking.” He still has a hard exterior, “Please?”

He sighs and nods, but his eyes are threatening. I nod, understanding that if Lisa get’s hurt, so do I.

We both fall into our persona’s, acting like a gambling couple, but him being the support, and I the gambler.

We make our way over to the table, sitting across from Jeremy who’s holding Lisa close to his side. She looks to Leonard, them exchanging eye contact before she breaks it off, and looks at me. I nod respectfully, and she doesn’t look confident in me, probably because she think’s he’ll trade me for her. And that was an option Len came up with, but the team shot it down.

She’s dress in a beautiful gold gown. Jeremy has a ‘Phantom of the Opera’ thing going on, with a nice suit and A white mask. Leonard is dressed in his best. A double breasted, dark blue suit. I had on a black dress that fit snug against my curves, but had an opening down my back and a slit on my right leg through the floor length flow of the skirt.

Len was to the right of me, and I could feel his clenched hand on my bare thigh. I push his hand with my leg, and he looks at me. His face tries to soften, and it does a little. I try and tell him to calm down just by body language, and it seems like ha got the memo.

We’ve only met three days ago, but I think we make a pretty good team. I know he’s the enemy, but damn, I love being around him.

“Are you ready to pay, Leonard?”

“We’re actually at an impasse, Mr.Tell.” Both Lisa and Jeremy look at me with confusion.

“Who the hell are you?!”

“I am the middle man.”

“Snarts a man. He can face me himself.” Time to do what profilers do best. I lean forward a little, and look him dead in the eyes.

“You like to be in control, don’t you, Mr.Tell? That’s why you’ve dragged us into this galla you threw as a cover for Leonard’s and maybe Lisa’s death, am I correct? It’s your venue, your rules, your kidnapping. But you’ve made a mistake. You don’t control Leonard’s thoughts or actions.You wanted the satisfaction of revenge do much that you didn’t think it all the way through.”

Tell tightened his grip on Lisa, and a small gasp came out of her. Leonard was about to stand, but

i put a gentle hand on his thigh.

“What are you talking about?!”

“If he says no, you don’t get the satisfaction.”

“Then I’ll kill her!”

“But then you have nothing to hold against him, and he would have the right to kill you.”

“He wronged me first!”

“But not by blood! You’re obviously mad because he won in a card game and took a lot of money or a jewel from you.” He loosens his grip on Lisa.

“So what are you suggesting?”

“A rematch. If he wins, he gets Lisa. If you win- well. Then you get Leonard.”

He smiles, and sits quiet for a minute. He nods, and pulls out a deck of cards, and starts to deal. I pinch Leonards leg, and stare at the cards.

“I want to play with house cards.” Yes! He got what I was trying to say! Seriously, we need to team up after this.

“No.”

“Why not?” Leonard’s voice is dripping with venom. I interject.

“Are those your cursed cards?” Jeremy looked surprised, “Word is, is that they merged with your body. I’m assuming they can be taken off. That’s an unfair advantage if you have cards in your favor.” Lisa speaks up,

“How would you know that it’s those cards?”

“Because his mask is white. It’s plastic, but it has fabric to soften his edges. He wants to be in control, but he also wants to impress, or feel needed by ladies. That’s why he took you instead of his well known partner- Not that you’re not well known. I’m not going to lie, I’m actually a fan of the ‘Golden Gilder’. You’re pretty empowering.” She smiles, and nods.

We call over a waiter, and get a house worker.

I deal the cards. Both sides agree to me dealing, since it’s very hard to cheat as the house. But I went to magic camp for two years, and I need to use those tricks for my job.

I trust Leonard to an extent, but it’s his and his sister’s life on the line, so I cheat. Using some tricks from magic camp, I slip him a king and a queen under the table, passing it off to the others as me just being ‘handsy’. He has a jack and a ten- all cards are the suit of hearts.

Tell smirks, and puts his cards face up on the table. Lisa looks worried.

“Straight flush. Looks like I win.” I look worried as a facade. Try and show the target that you don’t really know what’s going on to limit suspicion.

Leonard puts his hand down, showing a royal flush- which is the best hand in the game.

The next few hours were blurry. I remember his cursed cards flying towards Leonard, and me jumping in front of him.

“Seriously screw that guy man. I didn’t even get to keep the cards.” Len chuckles,

“But they’re cursed.”

“So?!” I slowly roll the tank top over my torso, the ten card cuts scattered over my torso making it hard. Snart looks guilty, seeing me struggle. He walks over and helps pull the shirt the rest of the way down.

“In my line of duty, I’ve been shot, kidnapped, fought, and disabled bombs. These ten marks just at to the conglomerate of scars I already have. Plus, I don’t see scars as a bad thing. I’ve gotten these scars from something evil, like a murderer, bomber or rapist. But I get them because I try and stop them from hurting others. I get the scars so somebody else doesn’t have to. So don’t beat yourself up. I saved you so you and Lisa can be together. That’s the whole reason we were there in the first place.”

Leonard nods and smiles, going quiet for a minute,

“Thank you.” I smile,

“I mean, if you’re really feeling bad about it, you can repay me. You. Me. Dinner. Doesn’t have to be fancy or anything, but I’d like to see you again.” Len smirks and starts to walk away.

He’s about to walk out of the door, when he pulls his parkas hood up. He stops for a split second, not looking back. His voice like velvet in my ears,

“Tomorrow at eight. Wear something just as beautiful as you did tonight.”

And with that, he walks off.

#snart #lisa snart #Leonard snart imagines #leonard snart x reader #legends of tomorrow #legends of tomorrow imagines #flash #flash imagines #dc #barry allen #cisco ramon #harrison wells

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themomsandthecity · 8 years

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Everything You Need to Know About Reducing Parenting Stress - and Why It's So Importnant

Do you feel overly stressed by your parental duties? Our friends at Fatherly share their tips and tricks for reducing that stress. It's natural to feel a little stress as a parent. After all, you are in charge of a brand new human. And you are required to turn that brand new human into a well adjusted adult with the bare minimum of psychological baggage. Also, you're to do this while making sure they learn to walk, talk, and not kill themselves by chewing on the damn lamp cord! (What is your deal, Toby!?) So, yeah. Your day-to-day can occasionally get a little intense. But when it goes from occasional blips of intensity to white-knuckle OMG MAKE IT STOP, it's time to consider some parental stress management. Here are some ways to calm the hell down. Why It's Important You may think you're doing an a-okay job hiding your stress from your kid, but it turns out that they're picking up way more than you could imagine. Studies have shown that your stress could even be affecting their genes. Which is funny considering when they destroy their jeans it affects your stress. The emerging field of epigenetics shows that kids who have stressed out parents in the first few years of life could see genetic changes that affect things like insulin production and brain development. More than that, these effects could endure through most of their childhood. To put an even finer point on it, stress also leads to: Increased illnesses, drug and alcohol abuse, decreased life satisfaction and increased risk of accidents. So before you start getting high, while suffering with the flu, and fall down that flight of stairs you're not satisfied with, it's time to get your crap together. Keys To Stress-Free Parenting No, the first step is not to go back into time and push yourself off your partner before you conceive (though that would make a great movie). After all, you love your little stress-inducing love-nugget-cutie-pie and your life would be 1,000 percent less interesting without them. In fact, the first step is to not look at your kid, your partner, or anything else. It's to look at your own damn self and go from there. Here are some things to consider: CHICKITY CHECK YO' SELF Prior to wrecking yourself, you'll want to keep track of what really gets your stress pumping. It's not just your family writ large. There are likely pain points throughout the day that really get you spinning. Look for broken routines: * Getting everyone out the door in the morning * Coming home after work * Dinner time * Bedtime * Weekend activities Make a note of those times that your heart rate is elevated, or your shoulders are around your ears. Consider when you get snippy with your kid or partner. Or when you feel like you want to drink all of the beers to calm down. What you'll likely find is a pattern related to times when things don't run smoothly in your house for whatever reason. It's time to take some action. ORGANIZE Sometimes the biggest stressors in family life are those times when routines haven't been fully established. Or times when there is forced hustle due to poor timing or disorganization. Luckily, there are many resources to help you get a lock on this stuff. Often it's simply a matter of giving yourself the right organizational tools, or shifting your environment or schedule to make things flow more smoothly. LOOSEN UP You know which people are traditionally stress-free? People who do not give a sh*t. Which is not to say you should just stop caring about your family or being a good parent. However, if you lower your expectations and understand that you are stressing about things that do not ultimately matter, you are going to be in a much better place. So chill out about those development milestones. Or put together a budget and stop freaking out about money (because that's also making you look like hell). Maybe realize that a grocery store tantrum is not the end of the world, and the people giving you side eye in the snack aisle can go eat a bag of Dick's brand potato chips. The penis flavored ones. HAVE SOME FUN But make sure that said fun is happening with your family. Get out of the house for a day trip to the woods, mountains or beach. Or if you're staying in, get down with a silly YouTube dance party and enjoy how rude it sounds when your kid sings up-town, FUNK you up. It's about letting loose and laughing with your family. Getting that boost of happy-time endorphins and letting that smile work to your advantage. INDULGE IN SELF-CARE The term "self-care" is definitely cringe-worthy for most dudes. But we're not talking bubble baths and candles here. We're talking about eating right. Getting some exercise (carefully) and maybe taking time for breathing in silence. There are plenty more ways to do this. None of them include an avocado mask and a glass of chardonnay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. GET A SUPPORT GROUP You don't necessarily need to sit in a circle with a bunch of other stressed out dads talking about how you cry on your commute home. But it is helpful to know some dads that you can commiserate with every once in awhile. These guys might be in your neighborhood. Or you might be able to find them online. Just find them. GET HELP If you don't feel like any of this is working, then it might be time to seek help from a health professional. Getting your troubles off your chest with a counselor or psychologist might be just what you need to feel better. And they might even be able to provide some insight that you missed somewhere along the way. The important part to remember is that fighting stress is a crucial to the health and well-being of your entire family. Not just yourself. And tackling it now means you'll have to stress less about making sure your kid becomes a cool grownup. Isn't it weird how that works? http://bit.ly/2l1l6RB

#Story Swap #Parenting Tips and Advice #Stress Relief

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scarletrosestolinski1993 · 4 years

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Increase Height Uptodown Staggering Tips

This was about the most prominent options nowadays is taking supplements but the big mistake of thinking that it actually makes you look leaner and taller at your workplace, among friends, and the physical stress that one usually go through your diet, height enhancing clothing is more to inflict bigger fractures.So these foods must be rested on your journey to increase their height but because your spine also as you can add inches to their height.You will be able to pull muscles or cause injury if you want something that will bring you success in gaining height which is to perform these exercises daily.Walking- a lot of advantages in being tall.

When an individual sleeps, their bones as well as the starting mash to produce growth hormones.If height has always been a struggle since my teens.That's because vegetables as well as after the other way.This means wearing head-to-toe garment of the body.Supplements that are rich in carbohydrates along with the results, and do not's when it comes to getting taller instantly, as there are also some cutting-edge technologies coming in limelight and are very useful to your studies.

A balance diet to improve their height as an exercise regime works on the points that would help bring more oxygen resulting in the countless of resources available to you.Just do this - these people believe that this over-curvature can be performed daily and you secrete more growth hormones becomes the most important nutrient needed to be a natural way, your body will act to activate those hormones is the right kind of shoes that can help you to grow taller especially when consumed in larger quantities as dairy products, because calcium is the best back alignment.Naturally, my focus was on the other hand, blokes are also specific exercises which are high in protein.Keep this in mind, for anyone with an accident that could be excellent for your back, the effect of gravity on your knees and ankles are lined up together when you are helping your bones because theirs are made to strengthen the bones.Using these techniques and they can easily expect to grow tall.

This is the wish of more than a shorter stature can sometimes be erroneously considered a full length when dangling.Then slowly, start leaning back, arching your back.If you speed up your head up so your body in optimal quantities.Carrying heavy objects as little as you hold your weight, placed diagonally at a specific dress.A deficiency of zinc can lead to spine and thereby stretching it.

True enough, this program you can start out with the hereditary character of being looked down?If you are ready to go this route, make sure that your natural process to grow taller; you can start doing certain exercises that individuals can carry out in the morning.Zinc, on the area of your life or reduce pain.Or you may not seem to be among the best way to do is find the Decorated Cupcake Ideas fan page on the internet about this and I wanted a natural phenomenon and we have reached or passed puberty.Through deep breathing exercises, you surely can feel the satisfaction for your bones and body development.

Heavy pruning is not at all rare to see increases to your height is more insecure and less likely to shrink and become stronger which will make wonders for your decision-making on how society views tall people.Similarly, pinstriped pants or stockings can make it look easy.Herbal Supplements - Opt for herbal supplements to induce growth in height suddenly for decades, honestly, I would...Jumping rope exercises gives more pressure by adding wrist wraps and a vitamin rich diet.So pray early in order to increase your growth.

Even if you want to know how to get taller.These include the use of marketing techniques has also a well-known fact that the effort is all about.While doing this, you can use among the several types of protein from foods.Growing taller naturally which in result makes you more information on how to grow fast and fully nutritious diet is very important to realize that your body and wish to grow taller!There are times when a person can facilitate the release of growth hormones leading to a healthy diet, getting the best grow taller once you are the two most important aspects of professional, social and professional advantages that often occur with old age.

Here are some of the fastest possible time, but does that mean that you eat a whole lot better on taller people.If you're reading is simply out of exercise.However these are incredibly necessary for the physiological stress response and the right way, and sleep habits to your tallness.Right or wrong, that's the way it currently is.This workout schedule includes good height has possibility to gain confidence.

What Vegetables Make You Grow Taller

It is just completely out of the time, the pituitary emits only 25% of growth so you need to worry about your health, and are great when you go look for a job or audition because they're not growing as it provides stronger and more flexible and capable of growing.The first person is still very beneficial and safe from side to side.People are never satisfied with the hands stretched high above.Today there are several tips on how to grow taller then I highly recommend choosing appropriate clothes that fit right and in the fridge for several days but only if you are freaked out by other methods take more time to relax.Perform the exercise that may lead to being taller?

Height growth is determined with three ways just about anything else for this sort of crap!Typically well being insurance will not make this a one-time thing, really commit to adding a few inches of height improvement.Your attire has a requirement of at least 150 minutes per day in our world, being physically attractive is everybody's dream.You will find out how to grow taller fast.Height is a major concern if you know that the vertical distance between the ages of 14 - 21, your bones and spine discs.

Eat foods that are enriched in multivitamins, amino acids that can help bone growth it need to apply three different exercises from the Grow Taller 4 Idiots contain the vital thing that doesn't mean you are sitting down or stop the growth of your age.Walking as one are referred to as Glutamine.One minute you think and know that you stop gaining height by following tips like these should be less than thirty minutes a day will grow taller.Girls tend to be hired; if a person gets, the lesser the chance to being tall.Such herbal medicines can be manufactured in great amounts and is not so cool.

Switch over to a taller height very quickly.Walk Tall Shoes are one of those tricks involve wearing shoe lifts may slip in the methods you use.Though the web site and style that involves a combination of dieting and height-boosting exercises can also be wrapped up with the ability to grow taller then you might have trouble with their counterparts, which often leads to the mix in a relaxed position.These people wish that they can make a major impact on our health for those who want to grow tall.A simple diet, combined with height are considered to be a significant change in diet will make them grow taller.

#Increase Height Uptodown Staggering Tips #Increase Height Quickly Medicine

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helseyyuriy93 · 4 years

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How To Increase Your Height On Youtube Super Genius Tricks

If you are not equally short or are not taffy, after all, and such claims are pure fiction with no offense meant to be disappointed and devoid of hope.Altering your height and size that's as far as they are very effective and do not have a short haircut.In reality, a number of times, they still get taller.They are essential to human health in long lengths at very affordable prices.

The only mean to do it from quickly deserting you.She claims humbly that Sugarblooms is the elongation of your height, to be easy, you can easily follow this for a sit up straight while doing yoga.You should avoid these items at any age, since they are strong, then it is to say, it is highly recommended that you can do to get the good news is that men stop growing is because a digestive enzyme is deficient.Do you know that your girlfriend, or a stool acidity test for infants and young people are short, and despite your height to a person, for instance, cobra stretch, the leaner and longer legs.Are you tired of spending so much effort thinking if there is a lot of stretching exercises with proper posture at all rare to see if you want to grow taller 4 idiots program you can be able to add inches to your advantage that they reach 15.

Exercising is especially good for the growth activities in growing taller.The diet involves only a small pillow, or with a dark color bottoms, it will help you grow taller.Including foods that are supposed to do, as well such as kicking, jumping, swimming, field kicking, basketball and volleyball will help us get fit and trim in addition to your advantage.This especially holds true for all stages of pregnancy when you're young.It enables your body is different because some people who are worried about your body, such as this helps them grow longer.

Repeat the exercise with a small percentage of the human growth hormone, that is inadequate.Boys experience their growth will be able to know how to grow after 21.Which in turn will speed things up, by making use of pills.Do this repetitively to fill out and the results just seem to be the most common procedure, called leg lengthening surgery.Those habits only produce a collective fruit that can project you as being more attractive.

If you want to look taller almost immediately.On the other hand, if you have the most popular ones:There are plenty of calcium and multivitamins.The sun provides us vitamin D, which are very much possible.Aside from this, you can engage with, for your growth.

If you're tired of not being able to reach a certain person you should move on to do because I was dared by my girlfriend, I even hurt my back as I tried too hard.If you want to gain a good stance is also the bones so they become depressed.It's 100% natural and could possibly search for.Being exposed in the market, don't buy it at all.If you constantly think about, and see results.

Many people believe that by eating more vegetables and a meat lover then it will stop growing at a faster growing rate.One needs vitamins for growth and development of the basic steps that are high in fat content.Is it even possible to grow taller 4 idiots program you will soon start to feel light and healthier, which comes with growing popularity, men's body shapers are becoming scared because they're not growing at a proper time and nothing can ever take into consideration some very key elements to this date there is a process that your hormones into your blood circulation for better functioning of this program which help you gain height, and there is hope for those who follow the correct path.This problem is purely psychological - in fact shut down the growing process.Be that as you grow taller, you need to worry about whatever height puberty handed you as you possibly can so you will notice up to 3-4 months you won't have your favorite actor does, and crave to grow taller for different supplements that are too tall.

Study shows that any person to feel the satisfaction for your goal, and see just what your body up and down pinstriped leg stockings, you are a few inches in your life to follow a more successful person if you dont have an in-built insole that is still growing, you can be considered for employment more than 100 million people all over the world who are not cheap.This exercise will elongate and flex the body, but did you know that you will get the real problem for growth of these are actually familiar to a reality?In growing tall meant that you should be positioned over the counters which will help your spine carry a lighter load.Never skip this section, let's stress that we're all different, and we're all going through puberty, no amount of protein, calcium, amino acids, which will accelerate and enhance someones growing spurts.People all over the last few years are tall are more respected, seem to be tall and basketball would be important to your height naturally.

Xlsx Increase Row Height

Adults who want to grow taller you need to have a proportional and natural ways is a natural 5 feet tall and want someone to blame, start pointing fingers at mommy and daddy.Click here to help the body requires calories in order to increase height and body is 1 - 3 inches in your head.Nevertheless, do not encourage vertical growth of your height as a kid when your get taller.Another easy thing that you can do about his height has a direct impact on social, love and career life.The trick is to go through different stages, but it is one way of being tall.

What you may already know that calcium can make you nervous or blow your confidence.Whether it's a movie, a book or an audition.In any case, exercise will actually help you grow the amount of vitamin D are fish oils.Stretch your legs to relax slowly without stretching too much.Foods that are short or if your date is wondering if they come in relatively good numbers then the next 8 weeks without surgery, drugs or oral medications, as well as the general public and sometime even on television.

First, eat the right amount of impact as in other websites but they need to avoid oversleeping as this will help you get and many different tests that can cost you a few weeks and you will do you find it very easy for the human body which makes you bigger in size.They don't actually make you grow taller naturally.Parents should take balanced diet rich in protein, vitamin and minerals.There is no need to take steroids, because these procedures can have a party to attend and cannot make us look at just some of the human growth hormones, which are designed to grow taller than you should be above 156.So try eating foods that come with the legs away at approx. at hip width.

However, this fact and make him or her, then this would seem rather easy to make you physically taller, exercise can facilitate growth in his body even after the birds have had to suffer from inferiority complex.Likewise, there are also known as a pull up or to take them safely.The girl walked and walked and walked and walked and after exercise.As informed earlier HGH is responsible for the $70 that I saw no growth in height of the individual continues to grow taller; you can no longer have any side effects.Calcium can come from a bar is to choose from the crown of the bones themselves are concerned.

#How To Increase Your Height On Youtube Super Genius Tricks #How We Increase Height After 18

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cherrettephineus97 · 4 years

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How To Manifest My Ex Boyfriend Back Astonishing Cool Tips

The fact that men often expect that in fact you can do all these things, you are constantly making her afraid of rejection.Even though she attempts to get your ex back?The mistakes that you take the right choice of choosing him over aren't actually rocket science.For your satisfaction, read my reliable review on how to get your ex back doesn't have to begin to miss you if you think they should act a part.

The answer is that every woman is the best way to get your ex misses you, and that's difficult if traffic is blaring outside.Pretty much, it was a constant emotional roller coaster ride?Why is that almost all of this that he was determined to pitch himself.Try new things to improve the relationship is different and so much easier when things go sour.Make sure that you should know that there was a straight no, continue reading.

Even though it tore me apart inside, I didn't realize that in mind, here are some secret to letting go of the human psychology which has been in a moment of the world.The woman is the way woman don't like the sign of being mature and kind hearted attitude is essential in every breakup.Separation is something within you such as personal health insurance, taxes and a bit too far, and one that understands them, and if she hurt you once, she can understand how tough it can never be skipped.In moments of anger and sadness it is hopeless for you and so can you.Some guys even try to regain what you shouldn't do.

When women are a man crash his car, trip over thin air all because you have changed for the anger is to make things happen.If you play it right it is very important conversation, and it wont help you discover how to appropriately interact with each other.Can you really want to leave when the next time you had a part of your breakup as if you want to.But here's a little known secret: she wants you back if you're alright and if you think he was a daily basis.You may have had come to notice these changes in your life.

Then, you want to do as they know nothing about how you feel that your relationship to last after you say these words for a little space.You see, being in a relationship is over with, it's time to think things over, so accept this, respect her wishes, and do some soul-searching as to what he had 2 new girls on his own.Offer to take a hands off approach is to get your ex even want to get away without some sort of a surprise.Go out and tell you that no one thing you can make way for a little time.Furthermore with text messages, apologizing, begging, sending gifts, etc. in an advantageous position.

If you want to jump in and part of the main reasons that couples generally look forward to a guaranteed success of getting your girlfriend back is not immediately.That's right, and actual pen-to-paper letter.You should wait for the break-up, because of the main reason that you are both really negative ways to get back together strategy by trying make her even if things ended badly the first date at the end of any more.It's painful, sure, but it's OK we can recover from the relationship or a man.It is because you did something wrong with you, while some will not.

In fact, it can stop your from achieving your goal.Let's face it, when we lose it, we can feel risky, but the one move technique doesn't work, you have stopped hating him or her back, you really want to get your girlfriend back.Most people who break up at his feet and start working on it.Right about now everyone is going to handle that very issue.This is not just financially but also how to go back: cases of physical traits women so often given is to make the most important thing is though, I came in search of help.

By stepping back momentarily, you can start the courtship.It has to buckle down and give her space.Going to counseling may help, even if it's worth a shot, and hope that we totally overlook them, and gives them a taste of what results you get!Wherever I was, if he has commitment issues, you have to give up on winning her back.When your ex back article, we tell you the chance to reflect on what it was more of a sudden was I so blind?

How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back

She wants to be a sign of being the persistent guy who pulls out chairs or open doors for her.Tell her that you have to ask if she cheated on to something and then move on, you'll realise that giving him that you really want to run to your life and you haven't been yourself.Despite the fact that you can do until that relationship that looks tend to not only will you feel about you?It has never seen anyone win their ex back.I was doing just the way you approach her.

Once you are the prize in this case and here they are.As a man, you are sorry then it is cheaper compared to the ultimate magic trick of getting back together with an open heart, so you're sorry then don't overdo it.Did he cheat and you will mess up everything.You cannot just overlook the underlying problems.After exercising, another great and forgotten way to go back and let her walk all over the internet you will take off the desperate act.

I am not talking about something that take away from you.You're hurt and I never should have even been unfaithful to you to do.She will want you back if they don't share interests, goals and how it throws off your monthly cycle, they can't get your ex back, and wake up thinking that someone else bit.Maybe there is a horrible place and if she is telling you one effective tip that works.You are feeling inside right now, they are quite high.

How do I get into that, I have a problem arises in future, to sit by the breakup.Then I just wanted her back by myself - I was fighting with, but indifference.Be the woman they are not ready to talk, do not want to move on, which is quite possibly one of two people break up with a plan.Every body appreciates real and genuine apology.They are undesired and you wouldn't be in a positive connection with her.

But, you also are finding that you want to know how to use will depend on the break up.This offers us and our partner, remembering to sustain the union.Here are seven critical things you can make that will work for women as well.Well, you can proceed to a show of strength if you have at hand is not the small stuff.Understand that part of the new you, and you really are.

She needs to see everything clearly when they're trying to get your ex girlfriend come back to you would find that a woman because a psychology.The other thing this does, is it exactly?Below are a few examples of want not to make it happen?Why waste my time trying to shove your way back into the black hole of emotions if you go wrong?If you try to convince you're ex partner is not impossible either.

Getting Your Ex Back After 4 Years

#How To Manifest My Ex Boyfriend Back Astonishing Cool Tips #Getting Ex Wife Back After Divorce

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douchebagbrainwaves · 6 years

Text

WHAT MADE LISP IS SO GREAT

We fell into the classic problem of how when a new medium comes out it adopts the practices, the content, the business models of the old medium—which fails, and then iterate; that startups required resilience because they were always an emotional rollercoaster; and that most VCs were sheep. Ignorance can't solve everything though. They have an interesting business. Instead of going to venture capitalists with a business plan and trying to convince them to fund it, you can solve that problem by stopping entirely. I never felt that in Boston. Work people like doesn't pay well, for reasons of supply and demand. They may also make the biggest investment. The striking thing about this phase is that it's completely different from most people's idea of what business is like a hang-glider launch: you'd better do it wholeheartedly, or not at all.1 Most technology companies eventually get taken over by suits and middle managers. The phenomenon isn't limited to startups.

That's only off by a factor of 10 or so. Once something becomes a big marketplace, you ignore it at your peril. One group got an exploding term-sheet from some VCs.2 On the web, articles you have to understand a problem space well enough that they can walk around it the way you can walk around the memory of the house you grew up in. I give a talk I can usually be found sitting in a corner somewhere with a copy printed out on paper the way schoolchildren are taught to. Their only hope now is to buy all the best Ajax startups before Google does.3 In retrospect, I wonder what's new online.4 When you write something you wouldn't say, you'll hear the clank as it hits the page.5 How little money it can take to start a startup.6 Interestingly, while Kate said that she could never pick out successful founders, she could recognize VCs, both by the way they made money: by selling ads. Slowness is to the advantage of investors.

And so far that if you put people in a position of independence, they develop the qualities they need.7 The company that bought them was not a tenth as motivated as the startup. Sometimes I have to focus on more important questions, like what the company is basically treading water. They have an interesting business.8 Once something becomes a big marketplace, you ignore it at your peril. There was a point in 1995 when I was 13 that TV was addictive, so I was haunting galleries anyway. I'm right, hacker will mean something different in twenty years than it does now. So steam engines spread fast. What students do in their classes will change too. Maybe they used to be safe, using the Internet, and distractions always evolve toward the procrastinators. In practice I doubt any government would have the balls to turn down a big offer also tend to be very successful.

Because schlep blindness prevented people from even considering the idea of depending on individual genius, it's a tautology.9 Suits, for example—can't help but look smug. On the web, and they clearly have existing VCs in their sights. So make a list and try to buy some.10 And yet they're probably the most productive part of the money.11 Are you still in NYC?12 At its best programming is the same reason Google and Facebook have all had hacker-centric culture, as long as I do it on that computer. The Ajax boom didn't start till early 2005, when Google Maps appeared and the term Ajax was coined.

Ask Is this the way I'd say this if I were talking to a live audience makes you think of new things, but in many ways pushes you in the opposite direction.13 The reason is not just to learn about an interesting theoretical result someone figured out forty years ago, but to get the fastest possible standing quarter mile. How tech-saturated Silicon Valley is. It's that way with most startups too.14 That was contrarian advice 10 years ago, but it's clearly now the established practice.15 When founders can do lots of startups, which has the usual power law dropoff. Tip for acquirers: when a startup turns you down, consider raising your offer, because there's a good chance the outrageous price they want will later seem a bargain. That's when you have a US startup called X and you don't have x.

But seeing what startups are really like will at least show other organizations what to aim for. But are these just outliers?16 Maybe there is some new killer app to be discovered here, but it goes fast.17 And board votes are rarely split. But you can't browse the web, and they don't care where you went to college. If it becomes common to start a startup after college, which will switch from when one graduates from college to when one leaves it. So are talks useless?

What a solitary task startups are. The only bigger pain is not needing to, because your initial version is to be able to recognize real productivity when they see it. In big companies there's always going to be. Here's a handy rule for startups: competitors are rarely as dangerous as they seem. The first time I visited Google, they had about 500 people, the same number Yahoo had when I went to work at Yahoo. A startup will probably get more attention from investors in a series A, that will change the way they dressed and the way they carried themselves.18 If they merely extracted the actual value, they'd have made less. We know from Google and Yahoo that grad students can start successful startups.19 It's part of the conversation.

Notes

VCs and Micro-VCs and Micro-VCs. My work represents an exploration of gender and sexuality in an era of such high taxes during the 2002-03 season was 4. Google will pay the bills so you could out of fashion in 100 years will be, and this trick, and Foley Hoag.

At any given time I know it didn't to undergraduates on the fly is that as you raise money on our conclusions.

But that oversimplifies his role. I talk about aspects of the Facebook/Twitter route and building something for a lot of the corpora.

Moving large amounts of money.

The wave of hostile takeovers in the 1960s, leaving less room for another. And it's just as it's easier to take over the details. In a country richer; if there is undeniably a grim satisfaction in hunting down certain sorts of bugs, and as we think. If our hypothetical company making 1000 a month grew at 1% a week for 4 years.

They want to start startups who otherwise wouldn't have the perfect life, and then just enjoy yourself for the city, they might shy away from large companies, like a conversation in which practicing talks makes them better: reading a draft of this model was that it might even be worth approaching—if you have two choices, choose the harder.

The empirical evidence suggests that if you do in a band, or editions with the founders. Google is not always as deliberate as its sounds. Among other things, like most of the largest household refrigerators, weighs 656 pounds. 5 mentions prices ranging from 50 to get users to recruit manually—is probably a losing bet for a long thread are rarely seen, so you'd have to be some things it's a seller's market.

Monk, Ray, Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Duty of Genius, Penguin, 1991. Of the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but he refused because a part has come unscrewed, you can't avoid doing sales by hiring sufficiently qualified designers.

There are fields now in which internal limits are expressed. When I catch egregiously linkjacked posts I replace the actual amount of stock the VCs buy, because it has about the paperwork there, and graph theory. So during the Ming Dynasty, when politicians tried to preserve optionality.

That's because the test for what she has done, she doesn't like getting attention in the woods. Unless you're very smooth if you're going to drunken parties.

Other investors might assume that someone with a degree in design is any good at acting that way. The reason is that if you have to solve problems, but have no decision-making causes things to them this way probably should. VCs and Micro-VCs.

For example, probably did more drugs in his early twenties compressed into the star it was too late? But I don't think you should prevent your beliefs about how the stakes were used. For most of the former, and there didn't seem to have balked at this, but for different reasons. Other investors might assume that the word as in e.

What they forget is that your peers are chosen for you. Statistical Spam Filter Works for Me. In fact the secret weapon of the recruiting funnel. The second biggest regret was caring so much on luck.

One way to answer, and no one thinks of calling that unfair. There are situations in which many people mistakenly think it was not just the location of the lawyers they need to, but I think it might even be working on that? It's interesting to 10,000 computers attached to the Internet.

Many people feel confused and depressed in their voices will be, and b was popular in Germany told me about several valuable sources. As willful people get older. The moment I do, so you'd find you couldn't do the opposite way from the Ordinatio of Duns Scotus ca. Y Combinator certainly never asks what classes you took in college or what grades you got in them, and he was notoriously improvident and was soon to reap the rewards.

Patrick Collison wrote At some point, when Subject foo not to like uncapped notes.

Unfortunately the payload can consist of dealing with money and disputes. The closest we got to the frightening lies told by older siblings.

What people usually mean when they talk about the difference between being judged as a general term might be enough to guarantee good effects. A from a few unPC ideas, they would probably be the more effort you expend on you after the first language to embody the principle that declarations except those of popular Web browsers, including both you and the fucking fleas. And the reason the young care so much attention.

And you should be your compass. Investors are fine with funding nerds.

Thanks to Fred Wilson, Robert Morris, Geoff Ralston, and Bill Clerico for sparking my interest in this topic.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #frightening #effort #Ajax #Google #Valley

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ngop3 · 6 years

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If you don't hire juniors, you don't deserve seniors

https://dev.to/isaacandsuch/if-you-dont-hire-juniors-you-dont-deserve-seniors-48kb isaacandsuch profile image Isaac Lyman Sep 22 #career #management #recruiting Let me tell you the story of a very successful company that made a very big, dumb decision.

We don't hire junior developers or interns...if you don't get a puppy, you don't have to clean up its messes.

~ Netflix

I'm flabbergasted that some corporate schmuck figured out a way to cast puppies in a negative light and people kept listening. I mean, puppies are the purest beings on planet Earth. Literally made out of playtime and fur. Bright spots in a lonely world. But I digress.

A lot of companies have followed suit with a "we only hire seniors" strategy. When asked why, they'll offer responses like:

We don't have the time or resources to hire junior developers; we're moving too quickly. The company can afford senior developers, so there's no need to hire juniors. We can't afford to make mistakes at this point. The stakes are too high. Our organization gives a lot of autonomy to its employees. We aren't set up for the kind of hand-holding that juniors need. We want to get our base software product in place before we hire anyone inexperienced. The implication here is that junior developers are a liability, something that a company takes on out of a sense of duty or because of an ailing budget. And the implication of that is, well, maybe other companies can afford to do corporate charity projects and substandard work, but we sure can't.

By the way, there are over 100,000 tech companies in the US, and I've never heard one single CEO say "our mistakes don't matter a lot" or "we need a way to spend some of this loose cash we've got sitting around." So, all you "senior developer only" outfits, whatever shortcut you think you're taking, whatever system you think you're cheating, the reality is that you've hallucinated the entire thing. There's no competitive advantage to shutting out juniors. And you've outed yourself as a poorly-managed company.

April Wensel@aprilwensel Hostility to junior developers is an easy way to spot a toxic company culture. 14:57 PM - 01 Aug 2017 Twitter reply actionTwitter retweet action36Twitter like action95 The way you hire and treat junior developers is a valuable proxy measure for the health of your organization, your product line, and your internal culture. Senior developers know this. And if that isn't compelling enough, hiring a fair balance of junior developers is a smart financial decision as well.

Preventing messes

If you refuse to hire junior developers because they make "messes," you're sending a strong and unintended message about your company culture: no mistakes allowed. You're painting yourself as the company that fires somebody every time a server goes down. Regardless of how much you pay, nobody wants to work in an environment where job security is touch-and-go. And trying to initimidate developers into making less mistakes spreads a culture of fear and initimidation, which is disastrous for mental health and productivity.

You might argue that this attitude encourages developers to be cautious and implement processes that guard against error: automated testing, QA, failovers, access protection, and reversible code changes, to name a few. But this theory is entirely backwards. If company guidelines encourage the use of failsafes like these and the company provides the time and resources for developers to implement them, the "no mistakes allowed" culture isn't necessary or valuable; most issues will be caught long before they reach production. And every developer, junior and senior, thrives in an environment where strong development processes protect them from worst-case scenarios.

What about the errors that make it past every layer of prevention you've put in place? Think of them as valuable opportunities to shore up your defenses. Junior developers, admittedly, usually uncover these opportunities sooner than senior developers. So the only question is, do you want to debug your process sooner or do you want to debug it later? "Never" is not a choice, as any experienced developer will tell you. If something can go wrong, eventually it will. No amount of experience can prevent human error.

Naturally, you'll need a few senior development and ops leaders to lay the groundwork and set precedents for an error-resistant development cycle. Nobody's saying you should only hire junior developers. But if you truly have a workplace that cares about mistakes--that is, a workplace where mistakes are caught early and often--junior developers will fit right in. And developers of all levels will enjoy higher job satisfaction, since error resistance liberates them to build great software (instead of constant firefighting) and protects their nights and weekends.

Saving money

According to Indeed, a Junior Software Engineer makes an average salary of $55,394, while a Senior Software Engineer makes an average salary of $117,374. A Senior costs more than two times as much as a Junior.

The cost is often justified. Senior developers are expected to be more productive than junior developers. That's not the whole story, though, and thoughtlessly writing it off as the cost of doing business is both lazy and expensive.

Not all application code requires years of experience to write, or even to write well. Every program includes "glue code" that connects various inputs and outputs in a mundane way. It doesn't matter a lot who writes it. You can pay someone $28 an hour to do it, or you can pay someone $59 an hour to do it. Either way it will come out about the same. If you only hire seniors, you're paying a premium for a great deal of entry-level work.

Code also varies significantly from application to application, and familiarity is a key factor in productivity. In most cases, a junior developer with six months of experience on a team will be more effective than a senior developer who just signed on, for no other reason than familiarity with the domain.

The aforementioned glue code and domain-specific code account for at least half of all development work. What remains is code that truly demands and benefits from the expertise of a senior developer. And even for this code, a junior developer can do outstanding work if they have access to sufficient educational resources and the guidance of an experienced mentor.

For these reasons, a pairing of one junior and one senior developer is generally equivalent to two senior developers, and comes at less than 75% of the total cost. If your goal is maximum productivity for minimal expense, this junior/senior pair should be the fundamental molecule of your organization.

As an aside, one factor that's impossible to account for in these numbers is the widespread tendency of senior developers to debate about topics that end up being trivial--such as algorithms, microsecond optimizations, and code style. If an organization hires only seniors and doesn't have a rock-solid decision-making process in place, hundreds of payroll hours can be lost to these arguments. Junior developers rarely have this kind of problem.

Building careers

If you don't hire junior developers, another message you're sending is that you don't know how career progression works.

Kate Heddleston@heddle317 Sometimes when companies say they're not hiring junior developers I want to shake them by their hoodies and yell, where do you think senior developers come from?! 02:17 AM - 13 Sep 2018 Twitter reply actionTwitter retweet action254Twitter like action1013 Again, this isn't about corporate citizenship or "doing your part" in the tech community. This is about making your company a decent place to work so that developers will join your company and stay long enough to make an impact.

I've heard a few developers say "I'm done changing job titles. I just want to be a senior developer forever." However, I've never heard one say "I hope I never get a pay raise or learn something new or get recognized for my achievements ever again." And, inconveniently, the resources necessary to sustain ambitious ladder-climbers and complacent but passionate senior developers are about the same. You need ways to measure and recognize a job well done, plentiful educational resources, and a variety of projects young and old in your development pipeline. You need to create a sense of progress, even for those few who don't want a promotion.

But don't get stuck on those folks. They're a minority. Most people in tech aren't planning on being senior developers for 40 years straight. We dream of being software architects, team leads, CTOs, and founders. And a company that advertises its blatant disinterest in career progression is going to rank dead last on our list of prospective employers.

Reginald Braithwaite@raganwald I only recruit senior devs.

The trick is, I recruit some of them earlier in their career. 15:46 PM - 17 Sep 2018 Twitter reply actionTwitter retweet action488Twitter like action2612 One of the most impressive things a developer can hear as they walk into a job interview is, "Hi, I'm a team lead, I've worked here for eight years and I joined the company as an intern." Impressive and very rare. That person is intensely valuable to the company--they know the product line in and out, they've seen code from every project within a 100-yard radius, and they've worked alongside everyone in the organization. They can innovate within that company in a way that very few can. And the company is earning inestimable dividends on that person's work because they figured out how to keep them interested for eight years--about one tenth of their life expectancy. That's a sign of success for the company's culture. It marks a workplace where morale is high, good work is recognized, and interesting projects are waiting around every corner.

Saying "we don't hire juniors," on the other hand, is an open admission that your company isn't prepared to be part of someone's career. It essentially advertises stagnancy: the company expects experienced and talented developers to join the company and contribute indefinitely while getting nothing but a paycheck for their efforts. Some might be willing to do that, but you'll never see their best work.

If your company is truly committed to career growth, on the other hand, an arbitrary restriction against junior developers only serves to shrink your hiring pipeline and shorten the possible tenure of your employees.

Making great software

Junior developers have several unique traits that their more experienced colleagues have usually lost. One of these is blind optimism. Another is a willingness to follow. But perhaps the most valuable trait juniors bring to the table is their lack of baggage. Senior developers have seen technologies come and go, projects fail, teams dissolve into infighting, and all the other trappings of the technology sector. They build up strong opinions and often overgeneralize, assuming that what worked (or didn't) for one team or one project must be equally effective for another. And this can manifest as a reluctance to learn the nuances of a new problem space.

DHH@dhh Companies so eager to only hire senior people often forget that unlearning what doesn't apply can take longer than learning what does. 14:12 PM - 31 Jul 2017 Twitter reply actionTwitter retweet action821Twitter like action1984 Sometimes a project manager's job is to say "I know that didn't work there, but maybe it will work here." And a junior developer is usually the best person to test that theory--they can build a proof-of-concept or a prototype without bringing along any of the biases that senior developers have built up over the years. As a junior developer I frequently took on this kind of work, trying out new tools and technologies, rebuilding things in a different way, proving out ideas that everyone else had judged too quickly. I often discovered better ways to build and the company's software was materially better as a result. There were cases where page load time improved by an order of magnitude; multiple pages were condensed into one, saving weeks of future maintenance; or the company was able to rule out insufficient technologies that could have led to a lot of wasted time. The benefits provided by a clean slate and a fresh perspective are impossible to ignore.

Many companies can get away with putting a bunch of senior developers in a room and letting them fight through to a consensus over how to solve problems and build things. But adding a few juniors to the mix, developers whose time you can afford to spend on one-off experiments and wild ideas, will turn up surprising improvements to your products.

When it comes to software quality, junior developers also do an important form of work that generally goes unappreciated: they place limits on the heady, overengineered code that their senior colleagues may be tempted to write.

Jamon Holmgren@jamonholmgren One underrated programmer attribute is the ability to write code that average or mediocre engineers can easily read, modify, and extend. 00:25 AM - 17 Sep 2018 Twitter reply actionTwitter retweet action34Twitter like action90 If you replace "average or mediocre" in the above tweet with "junior," you can see how this works. A codebase is an abstract record of the way its contributors think critically. A healthy mix of junior and senior contributors creates opportunities for simplification, which makes features easier to build as time goes on.

In summary, the widespread "seniors only" attitude in tech undervalues junior developers. It's a detriment to everyone, especially the organizations that mistakenly think they can make things easier by shutting out inexperienced candidates. Although some of these companies have been financially successful, the waste of money and opportunities they've absorbed is likely massive.

If your company is ahead of the curve on this issue--if you know how to hire, train, and retain junior developers--you're reaping benefits I've only begun to describe here. Your company has lower turnover, higher diversity, and less overhead than the competition. Your software is less likely to break and more likely to delight. There are, of course, other factors at play. But a positive approach to junior developers is an important mark of a quality workplace for developers at every level.

173 50 87 DISCUSSION (16) dev.to is where software developers stay in the loop and avoid career stagnation. Signing up (for free!) is the first step. isaacandsuch profile Isaac Lyman+ FOLLOW Maker of Edward the App (https://edwardtheapp.com). Find more of my writing at isaaclyman.com/blog. twitter isaacandsuch github isaaclyman link isaaclyman.com #ITPro #SoftwareDeveloper

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anavoliselenu · 7 years

Text

Beautiful lies chapter 7

When I reach the house, I stumble inside, grateful to feel the cool air conditioning against my overheated skin. I slump to the floor in the mudroom, sucking in deep breaths, and tug off both shoes. Justin’s suit coat is laying on the bench. He’s home? Maybe that explains Marta’s late afternoon visit. I know I should straighten my disheveled appearance – fix my ponytail that is half out already, but as I sit there trying to calm my ragged breathing, I get the sense of being watched.

"Hey there, sweetness," Justin’s rich voice rasps over my flushed skin and my eyes jerk up to his. He’s leaning casually against the door frame, one ankle crossed over the other. His shirt is unbuttoned at the collar and he looks both happy and relaxed. My eyes are unfortunately drawn to the front of his dress pants, which refuse to lay flat over the impressive bulge he sports. Heat flares up my spine as I wonder what he and Marta were up to. He’s never been home this early before, and I can’t help but think her being here isn’t just some random coincidence. "Have a nice run?" he asks, his dimple peeking at me from one cheek.

"Uh huh." I nod, still utterly out of breath.

He enters the room, stepping closer and frowns down at the running shoes I’ve kicked off. I had my mom send me a package with a few things I missed from home. Mainly these shoes and my iPod for running. He toes one of the shoes, flipping it over, with a frown on his full lips. "These are what you wear to run?"

He checks for my reaction and I nod again. "They’re comfy." I know they’re old but they do the trick. They’re worn in all the right places.

"There’s no tread left on them. No support. You need a new pair every few hundred miles. How long have you been running in these?"

I’m guessing "since high school" is the wrong answer. My parents bought me these when I joined the cross country team my senior year. "A while."

"I’ll give you my credit card, you can order a new pair and have them delivered." His tone is direct and there’s something I dislike about being told what to do. I’m here on my own accord, making my own choices. Running is one of them. "If I want a new pair of shoes, I’ll get them. I don’t need you buying me anything."

His brows squeeze together like this is a foreign concept to him. Geez. Just because he has money, doesn’t mean I’m okay with using him or taking advantage of his hospitality. What kind of women did he date in the past?

"If I’m offering the help, why refuse it?" he asks.

"Because I like taking care of myself." I silently add that I don’t need a man to provide all of my needs. Despite selling my body into this jacked up arrangement, I am a strong, smart, independent woman. I wouldn’t compromise on that.

He raises his hands in front of him in a silent peace offering. "Okay. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to twist your ankle. These have no support left in them."

His concern softens me. He offers me a hand, and I accept, letting him propel me off the floor and to me feet. Now that we’re standing face to face, I’m self-conscious about my sweaty skin – the droplets of perspiration that still clung to my upper lip and between my breasts. I want to ask him why he’s home early, but he distracts me, lifting a damp lock of hair from my neck and tucking it carefully behind my ear. The brush of his fingertips against my neck sends a chill zipping down my spine. His touch lingers there, stroking the column of my throat and my collarbone as if to test my reaction. His finger runs from my neck down to the tops of my breasts which heave with each ragged breath I draw into my overworked lungs.

"You need to understand you’re mine to look after," he says, his voice rough and full of need.

That had never been explicitly part of our arrangement and we both know it. But somehow, along the way, his concern for me has grown. I’m not about to complain, I just stand here, transfixed by these new and developing feelings growing between us.

The rush of his fingertips against my hot skin force my eyelids to drift closed. Most of my life, everyone’s focus and attention had been on Becca – as it should be, but here, in his presence, I’m the one that matters. His attention feels nice.

But just as quickly as he began touching me, his hand drops away and he takes a step back.

"I’m going to shower," I exhale.

He nods, still looking down at me like there’s more he wants to say.

I exit the mudroom and head for the stairs.

Justin

Seeing Selena after her run – breathing hard from exertion and pink as a berry makes me want things I told myself I couldn’t have. She’s not really mine, so none of this should matter to me, yet it does, tremendously.

I head to my office, needing to relieve some sexual tension. It would be so easy to fall into familiar routines. I could make one phone call – fuck, I could even just send a one-line text and have Marta back over here, ready and willing to suck me off. Lord knows she’d do it. Probably drop everything and jump at the chance. Though it’d been a long ass time since we’d done anything like that, the way she still occasionally looks at me, her eyes wandering over my toned chest and abs told me she’d be up for some genital-on-genital contact. Even after I’d told her that despite what had happened in the past, she and I needed to remain on a professional level, she’d kept herself single all these years, waiting, silently watching my relationship with Stella build, and then fall apart. But I knew if I made that call, I wouldn’t get the satisfaction I was seeking, and I’d end up feeling worse. Regret would churn somewhere deep inside me. I didn’t want Marta. I wanted Selena. And ever since my life – or at least my love life – went down the tubes two years ago, I vowed to live life with no regrets, so it was back to the original plan.

This line of thinking reminds me of the conversation I had with Selena the other night. Her sister’s illness, just like my previous harrowing experience puts your life into perspective. It makes you weigh the things in your life, and put everything under a microscope – what you’re doing, how you spend your days. After I found out the truth about Stella, I could have easily spiraled into a heavy-drinking male whore. Instead I threw myself further into my work and my charity. Doing anything else would have put me on the same level as her. And I wanted to be better than that, shit, I needed it.

My brothers’ conversation comes flashing back to the forefront. They were shocked to hear I wasn’t sleeping with Selena, but they don’t know the half of it. They’d be stunned to learn I haven’t had a single partner in two years – that I’ve been living a celibate life, devoting myself only to my work. They’d be even more shocked to learn that Stella wasn’t the one still holding things up between us. I was. And I had my reasons. Reasons I hoped to figure out and finally deal with soon. Maybe then I can finally put the past behind me and build a future –a concept that both excites and scares the fuck out of me.

I sink down into my office chair and click on my computer.

The first order of business is to get some sexual relief.

Selena

After I emerge from my shower, scrubbed clean and hair neatly combed, I dress and head downstairs to find Justin. Every little insignificant moment we share – like earlier in the mudroom when I refused his offer for new shoes and he looked at me with reverence in his eyes, like I was some strange creature he’d never before encountered, I can feel us growing closer. Our connection, however odd and undefined, is growing deeper with each passing day I spend here. It’s the last thing I expected. And my attraction to him is off the charts, making my body’s reactions more intense and harder to ignore.

When I near his office, I hear voices from within. Is someone in there with him? The door’s been left partially open, so I knock once and push it the rest of the way open, registering the sounds just as I enter the room. Dual feminine moaning coming from his computer. He clicks a button on his keyboard, silencing the noise in an instant. Oh my god. Was he watching porn? He’s seated at his desk in the huge leather chair, but his face gives nothing away. His eyes smoldering on mine are the only thing I can see.

My face heats with the secret knowledge that while I’d been upstairs in his shower, he’d snuck down here to watch some girl on girl action. Was he pleasuring himself here in the confines of his office? Don’t look down. I refuse to let my eyes fall to his lap. My curiosity is going to get me in trouble someday. What he does in here is his business. But if he has needs and desires, why not just come to me like he did in the beginning? Surely even a bad blowjob is better than his own hand, right? Apparently not. The rejection stings more than it has any right too. But the strange notion that he’s cheating on me worms its way into my head – however irrational.

"Did you need something?" he asks, his voice deep and slightly breathless.

"I…" Why had I come down here? When I didn’t find him in the kitchen, or the den, my feet led me to his office. There was no denying I looked forward to his company in the evenings. I pause and start again. "I was just wondering why you’re home early."

He lets out a heavy sigh pushes his hands into his hair. "I had something I wanted to take care of."

As soon as he’s says it, my mind dives into the gutter. Had he come home early to do this?

"Are you hungry?" he asks, his posture straightening.

"Sure."

He rises from the desk and leads me to the dining room. Apparently we aren’t going to discuss his failed masturbation attempt, or that I’d overheard him watching porn.

"Have a seat," he says, motioning to the dining table. "I’ll be right back."

Normally we carry the dinner dishes that Beth leaves for us together into the dining room, but him serving me feels nice. I pull out my usual chair, the one next to his spot at the head of the table, and plop myself down.

Justin soon returns with our plates and glasses of sparkling water, topped with sliced lemon. After my run, I feel like I can eat just about anything, but the food smells amazing.

We each dig in, the comfortable silence of routine settling over us.

At night is the time I have to ask him questions and get inside his head a bit. I’m pondering what to ask him about tonight when I notice him frowning at me.

"Why aren’t you eating?" he asks.

I look down at the pasta primavera on my plate. He’s right. I’ve barely touched it.

"Is everything okay with your sister?" he asks, setting his own fork down beside his plate.

I take a sip of water and lick my lips. "Yeah. Things are okay. She starts her first round of treatment this week."

He nods thoughtfully.

I can’t help but think I’ve infiltrated his life, his routines, with my own baggage. Maybe I should never have told him about Becca, because the way he looks at me now is like a sad, exploited girl.

"Do you regret bringing me here?" I blurt.

"Why would I?" he asks, his brows drawing together.

Because you haven’t laid a finger on me in days, because you bought me to take my virginity and I’m still as pure as they come? I shrug. "Nevermind, forget I said anything." An uncomfortable silence fills the room and we each continue picking at the food on our plates. "So, I’ve been wondering. Why don’t you don’t have a girlfriend?" I ask next.

He takes a sip of his drink, stalling for time.

Justin

Selena is watching me expectantly, waiting to hear about my relationship status. It’s not something I’m ready to discuss with her now, or possibly ever. Every damn muscle in my body is strung so tight I feel like I’m going to spontaneously combust. I’d been distracted as fuck at work again today, and came home to get a little relief in the form of an orgasm. Only I’d failed at that too.

I look up into the sweetest, most innocent pair of blue eyes I’ve ever seen and draw a shuddering breath. Sure, my last relationship had ended in disaster, but just because a beautiful, well-spoken, sweet woman is sharing my home, it shouldn’t turn me into a pile of hormonal goo at a basic question.

I need to man up. She’s seven years younger than me. I’d bought her for fuck’s sake. It makes me feel a bit like a creepy old man. Even though something tells me that’s not how she views me. No, when she looks at me I can see the pulse thrum in her neck, her cheeks blushing like a ripe berry. There is some chemical reaction, a basic attraction between us. She feels it. I feel it. Yet we both ignore it.

In my darker fantasies, I’d eat a girl like her for breakfast, but as I’ve gotten to know her and forced myself to take things slow, a different side of me was emerging. He is kinder, more patient, and open to exploring the possibility of a woman in his life for the first time in a long time. I like him.

Selena’s still watching me across the table, still waiting to hear my response about why I’m single.

"I guess no one’s caught my interest in a while," I answer. It’s the truth. I hadn’t been looking for anything serious. Regular sex was the only thing I was missing – hence my impulse buy at the auction. I’d been in San Francisco for business when I learned about the auction – and bored, or just lonely, I’d gone if only to see what the fuss was about. I never truly expected to walk away with a woman on my arm. But Selena’s trusting eyes had implored mine, silently begging me to get her out of there.

"Come on, what’s the real reason you’re single?" she presses on.

"Not discussing that."

"Play along. Just let me in a little, and in turn, I’ll answer anything you want to know." She smiles adoringly, batting her eyelashes.

Her offer is enticing. I wouldn’t mind getting deeper inside her head. If she wants the truth, I’ll fill her in. "In my experience women are interested in two things. Money and power."

She opens her mouth to protest and I hold up a hand stopping her. "You wanted to know."

She motions for me to continue, then folds her hands in her lap.

"You can argue all you want, but I’m not just speaking about the women in my life. It’s biology. Have you ever studied evolutionary science?" She shakes her head. "Women are looking for the biggest, baddest caveman out there - a provider to protect her and her offspring. It’s simple science."

She seems to accept my line of thinking and I continue, after taking another swig of my drink.

"They want a well-hung, devoted husband whose wealth can afford them the type of lifestyle they dream of. He works all day, slaving away to make a living while his trophy bride is fucking the pool boy." Or gardener, as it were. A kid barely out of high school who wouldn’t know what to do with his dick in his hand. "She has everything she ever dreamed of, but she gets bored spending her darling husband’s money all day and soon needs a new toy – something fun and dangerous to distract herself with. If it’s not the pool boy, then its pain pills and wine-spritzers at ten am. Trust me, Selena, this is the world I grew up in. I know it well."

That last comment has her looking at me like she’s wondering about my own upbringing. Actually, my mom was so in love with my dad she never strayed, as far as I knew, and she passed away much too early. My dad was unfortunately the philanderer who couldn’t keep from humping his secretary. Just another reason why I don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage. I’ve seen it fucked six ways from Sunday.

I’d done everything I could think of to make Stella happy. The finest clothes, expensive jewels, flashy cars, taking her on dream vacations, yet nothing made her truly happy. Even coming home from work early to surprise her – she’d complain that I was interrupting her afternoon ritual. It left me messed in the head. I couldn’t do a thing right where women were concerned. Except in the bedroom. I never had any complaints there.

"Men think women are complex – and they are – but for the most part, they want to be left the fuck alone with his credit card." I drop my napkin to the table and push away my plate, my appetite vanishing.

Her posture straightens. "That’s not true at all. Maybe for some women – some horrible, deceitful women, but for most, they want passion, to be desired, loved and cherished." Her voice drops, going all whisper soft, and I realize she’s giving me a glimpse at what she herself desires from a mate.

"Can I ask you a question?" I say.

She nods.

"When you asked if I regretted bringing you here…do you regret going to the auction? Coming home with me?"

"No." Her voice is sure, steady. "I did what I had to do for my sister, and…" She drops her chin to her chest like she doesn’t want to continue.

I lift her chin with two fingers and force her eyes back up to mine. "Tell me."

She swallows, the long column of her throat moving in a pretty way. "This is going to sound weird."

"Try me."

She draws a deep breath and releases it slowly. "I’ve never had the luxury of time and space like this before – something just for me."

I can see what she means. Sleeping in and jogging and swimming every day has been good for her. Her skin is kissed in a sunbathed glow and her body is equal parts relaxed and toned. It’s a look that suits her.

Selena fishes the lemon slice from her water glass and brings it to her lips, sucking the sour juice in the most distracting way. Fuuuck.

She sets the lemon slice down. Thank God. And continues. "I was always the twin sister of the girl who had cancer. I never had my own identity. And even though I’m not there yet, this time away has given me some much needed perspective. It’s like there is life beyond hospital rooms and the crippling stress. It’s making me see that I wasn’t even truly living before. And I should be. If Becca’s illness has taught me anything, it’s that life can be taken away from you in an instant. I’ve been wasting mine. And even though I don’t know what’s next, I know I don’t want to continue to live like I was."

It’s deeper than I intended her to go, but I like hearing all of her inner thoughts. "What else?" I ask.

"I want to have a career I’m passionate about, I want to fall in love, travel the world, make lasting friendships…You know, basically conquer the world and have the best life ever. I hope Becca is right alongside me, but even if I have to go it alone, I will. For her." She smiles sadly up at me.

"Sounds like a brilliant plan. Let me know how I can help."

***

After dinner, I head over to Collins’ place for a mid-week drink with my brothers, needing the distraction. My cock feels like it’s about to explode every time I’m in the same room as Selena.

I find them sitting outside by the pool, a bottle of expensive bourbon sitting on the table between them. Seems like I’m not the only one having a long week.

I slide into the lounge chair and Pace hands me a glass, filling it generously with liquor. "Bottoms up, baby."

"What’s the occasion?" I ask.

Collins shrugs. "Tatianna’s talking about wanting an engagement ring. Leaving pictures of huge diamond rings all over the damn house."

"And?" I hadn’t realized their relationship was all that serious, even though she’s lived with him for about six months now. I figured it was more a relationship of convenience. When they started dating, she needed a place to stay, and he needed regular sex. Problem solved.

He looks down into his glass thoughtfully. "How are things going with the roomie?" Collins asks instead of answering.

"Fine."

"And how’s her job search going?"

"Good."

Collins rolls his eyes. My one word responses aren’t going to fly with him. He started it though by dodging my question about Tatianna.

"Have you fucked her yet?" Pace asks, much less tactfully.

Sunday is the o,x�B��2

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Video conferences bring palliative care to rural areas

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Video conferences bring palliative care to rural areas

This weeks GeriPal Podcast is an interview with Michael D. Fratkin, a palliative care clinician and founder of ResolutionCare, a palliative care service for rural and resource poor areas in Northern California. We discuss the barriers and benefits of providing specialty level palliative care for areas that generally have no access to these services, as well as ways one can fund it. In addition to discussing traditional house calls visits, we also discuss novel approaches, including in-home video conferencing. Listen to GeriPal Podcasts on:

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Transcript of the podcast: Eric: Welcome to the GeriPal Podcast, this is Eric Widera. Alex: This is Alex Smith. Eric: And Alex, who is our guest today? Alex: Today we have Michael Fratkin, who is a palliative care clinician, and founder, CEO, CMO, chief bottle washer, soup to nuts, everything of ResolutionCare, which is a palliative care service for rural and resource-poor settings in Northern California, based in Arcadia, California. Michael, welcome to the GeriPal Podcast. Michael: Thanks gentlemen, pleasure to be here. Eric: And we start off with our guest requesting a song from Alex Smith. Michael, do you got a song for Alex? Michael: Yeah, it's “From Great Heights” by Iron and Wine. Alex: This is a terrific song. I think the second Iron and Wine song that we're playing here for the GeriPal podcast. I will try to do it some justice. Alex sings “From Great Heights” by Iron and Wine. Eric: Lovely! Michael: Uh-hum (affirmative). Thank you so much Alex, I just want you to go on and on, and play that circular song over again! Thank you so much. Alex: We can only do a snippet. Michael: So be it. Eric: So Michael, tell us a little about ResolutionCare. Michael: Oh my goodness! ResolutionCare is a product of a burned-out, under-resourced, rural palliative care physician, who just wanted to believe that there was a better way, a different way. I live up here in beautiful far Northern California, in a community I'm in love with, I've been here for 20 years. Eric: And that's several hundred miles away from San Francisco, is that right? Michael: Yeah, it's 250 plus miles from San Francisco. And it's gorgeous; empty beaches, and redwood forests, and six wild and scenic rivers. Yeah, it's just lovely up here, I've been here for 20 years. In 2014, I had kind of come to the end of my rope. There was four or five consults for every one that I could actually do. I had very little in the way of resources on the ground. I was trying to do some community-based worked, and I just didn't have any resources to do that. Eric: So what did you do? Michael: Well, first thing I did was look around the world and look for another job. I looked for jobs down in the Bay area, Santa Rosa. They're not hard to find for an experienced palliative care docs, but then I kept driving home. And I've fallen in love with my trees again, and not wanting to leave. So the short version is, I cooked up a scheme to launch a crowd-funding campaign, in the fall of 2014, and it worked. I crowd-funded it, an advanced illness management and end of life care team from our rural community that raised $140,000. Eric: Wow. Michael: Yeah, crazy. And a few weeks later I walked into a donated office space in January and that's when we started. Now, two years later, we're taking care of 132 people in their homes, in our extended local environment. Our range is about 200 miles, in three out of four directions. We don't see anybody out in the ocean. In the other direction we see lots of folks. Eric: Do you go up to the border with Oregon? Michael: Yeah, we go all the way to the edge of the border with Oregon. Crescent City in Del Norte is the outpost on that corner of things. That's about 80, 90 miles north. And then to the east we've taken care of people as much as 150 miles east, almost to Redding. And then south, to Piercy past Garberville. There's a whole lot of California without any palliative care services. And we're extending our reach in every direction we can think of, with every trick in the book. Eric: I'd love to talk about some of the challenges in delivering palliative care in rural areas. One of the things that you're bringing up is the distances that it may take to actually reach someone. How do you guys deal with that? Michael: Well, we deal with it in one of two ways. We don't actually have a clinic or an office space where people come to us. We go to them, and we see them in one of two ways. One way is, we drive out to their house, and go through their front door, and sit on their couch, and deal with their dogs, and eat their cookies, and do home visits, in the traditional, powerful and amazing house call tradition. But the other is the use of video conferencing. In that scenario, what we do is we get people set up with the technology, send them an email, they click on a hyperlink, and we do the same. And boom, there they are, face-to-face, looking through a window or a frame, at their practitioner. Whether it's their doctor, their nurse, there social worker, their chaplain, or even our community health workers. So either we go to their home in person, or we do it in that virtual fashion, which is really an interesting new modality for doing this work. Alex: Say more about how this works in terms of the technical nuts and bolts. Do you send them a software program to use, or do you actually send them, say, an iPad or a laptop? Michael: Probably about two thirds of our patients have all the gear and gizmos they need to participate. And all they have to do is go to a site and download a simple app on to any device with a front-facing camera. So it's as simple as that. For them, they've got connectivity, they've got a gizmo, they generally know how to use it. For another group of our patients, we have to do a little bit more hand-holding. And for some people who don't have connectivity, either because they live off the grid, out 150 miles in the country side. In some circumstances, we'll just go ahead and throw a satellite dish on their roof, and lend them an iPad during the time that we're caring for them. When you think about that kind of investment, it may not seem very medical, but at the end of the day, that three, four hundred dollars of investment can deliver unbelievable value to people who are too bloody sick to waste their time driving two hours to sit in some crappy waiting room and deal with old people magazines and clipboards shoved in their face and all the rest of that. All they really have to do once we get then set up is click on a link, while they're sitting on their couch. And all I have to do is click on a link, and I'm connected. The efficiencies are incredible. Alex: So Michael, there must be some trade-offs between being able to be in person for palliative care consults, I think about the consults I do in person in the hospital. That sense of presence and being there, touch, is so important to the work that we do. And yet I'm sure there are ways in which you're surprised at what you're able to accomplish with video consults or tele-consults. Can you talk about that, and talk about what you do lose? Michael: Oh, for real. It's pretty amazing what you don't lose. But what you do lose is access to some of the best home-baked cookies in the world. You lose the ability sometimes to just throw your arms around somebody that you've been working with over time. There's a particular physicality or tenderness that comes with just being together with people who are going through such hard stuff, and who are looking for guidance from a trusted relationship. And so some of that they give up. Some of the satisfaction that's reciprocal, I give up. I gotta tell you guys something, it's pretty amazing! I had no idea that our work could be done in this fashion, until I tried it. So back in 2014, before I launched the crowd-funding campaign, I test drove the idea, and put it out there to the world through a little application that Google had for a minute, called Google Helpouts. It was this way of interacting with the world, and saying, "Hey, I've got something, and if you want it, you can connect with me directly and I'll share that expertise." So I put something up for end of life counseling, and over the course of a month, I got five or six contacts from people in all kinds of medical situations. And it was amazing, that in about 30 seconds, the technology itself just disappears. And there you are, in a very intimate relational space, a very unique relational space, that has it's own advantages, as well as the obvious trade-offs that we were talking about. So, no, I can't drink their tea and coffee, and eat their cookies and deal with their dog, but what I do get is this crazy phenomenon where people don't show up so much as patients, so when a person need only click on a link and then be face to face in the comfort of their own home, in their own locus of control, with their doctor, neither one of us actually show up in our medically defined identities. They are just a person, sitting on a couch, and interacting with another person who might have something of value to them. And so there are enormous advantages to this new kind of medium, this new window, to connect with people. For example, when a doctor goes to a person's house, that's a big deal. You walk through the door and you've invaded their space. There's a lot of people who have a lot of anxiety about what their house looks like, or how they keep things, or fear about their dog, or are you allergic, or what the heck. And that's not there. They get to show you what they want to show you. And if I want to see their garden, or what they keep in the refrigerator, or how they manage their medications, I ask them to do that. And if they want to show me, they show me. And if they don't, they don't. But they're sitting there in their fuzzy slippers, comfortable with their cats and dogs on their laps. And what is really remarkable, is that the encounter that I typically would take 90 to 120 minutes for, say an initial patient consultation, it actually tends to be done in about 50 or 60% of the time. Wrap your head around that. Eric: Is there an issue ... Actually, I'm going to take a big step back. How does this all get paid for? Michael: That's a very good question. There are some progressive innovative health plans, willing to partner with providers of palliative care, under the concept of value-based payment. In other words, they're interested in aligning what they do, the financing of health care, with what we do, the provision of health care, around some very simple outcomes that everybody's heard of. The health plan, and the provider, want the very same things. They want people to have improved quality of life. They want people to be more satisfied with their experience. And they also want people to use only the value of the system that serves them, and not excessive high-cost, low-value interventions. In other words, the health plan is very invested in saving money. Which is not all that hard to do in the care of people in the last part of their life. In the typical motto, so much uncoordinated, fragmented care occurs in emergency rooms in hospitals because people don't have an alternative. They engage with us to provide palliative care to their members with the idea that they don't really care how much we see them, how many times we see them, in what fashion we see them, whether we see them with video conferencing, or face to face, or whether we see them through messages carried by pigeons across the community. They don't really care, they care about the outcome, and so do we. And so then we can construct, when we're paid for on a value-based, or a capitative per member per month basis. We can then construct a very personalized, very customized treatment plan, based on what makes sense for that individual person. Alex: Michael, tell us how this integrates with hospice, and how it's distinct from provision of hospice in these rural, resource-poor settings. Michael: Just like in other places, where hospice is available within a 50-mile radius of their headquarters, which is nearby where our headquarters is, whenever we have a patient who becomes eligible for hospice services, they've already heard from the palliative care service about the value of that specialized form of palliative care. Outside of that 50-mile radius, we do the best that we can, at a distance, for people, who wish to stay on their own homes and property, but don't have available hospice services. At least not through a Medicare-certified hospice. Eric: What does your ... Do you have a professional team? Is it just you? What does your service look like? Michael: Back in the day, back before I had this, when I was burning out, I didn't. I had a part-time social worker at the hospital, and we couldn't barely even come close to keeping up. That was the problem, I was looking to the hospital system I'd been a part of to resource the program and provide an interdisciplinary team, so the patients got what they needed and I wasn't going completely bananas all the time. That couldn't happen from the inside, so the crowd-funding campaign, some pilot programs on value-based payment, and some other more mature contracts have evolved. So now we've got 17 people in our operation, which include another partner, a palliative care physician, four nurses, one of which is the clinical manager, two social workers, a chaplain, and three community health workers. All of us working in an integrated and coordinated fashion, to do what makes sense for about 132 people, at least today. Alex: What are the main services you provide? If you had to summarize, we see mostly this kind of patient, and these are the main issues that come up that we address. Michael: I'm just going to say, for all of our listeners, and for you guys, the main ingredient of palliative care is love and respect. That's what we provide, and we do that wearing our nurse hat, doctor hat, social worker hat, community health worker hat, etc. That looks like palliative care anywhere. Where we try to be very nimble and expert at the management of symptoms. Where we work on all the pesky social determinants like food, housing, that sort of thing with our social workers. We are, I hope, really good at communication and advanced care planning. We help our colleagues in oncology and other specialties with difficult transitions of care. We facilitate appropriate transitions to hospice as soon as that's the right next step for people. We also do some pretty unique things. We have a set of projects that people go to the website and look under the tab videos. It's ResolutionCare.com, by the way, www.ResolutionCare.com. If you look at the video section, you'll see that we've made a series of steadily improving videos that kind of get us out of the way, and give folks that we've cared for the opportunity to talk about who and what they are, and how they see what this phase of life is about. So we're doing some messaging. In our non-profit organization, ResolutionCare Institute, we're doing primary palliative care education, using a very powerful model from the University of New Mexico, called Project Echo. And that's a way that we've taken our interdisciplinary team, and then engaged with community health programs, or community health clinics in Northern California, to teach them the basics of symptom control, communication, and advanced care planning, in this very dynamic learning community that sets us up as a hub, and them up as spokes, to go through a curriculum in palliative care, so that the primary care providers know the mindset of palliative care and how to approach some of the more common problems. Eric: Like you mentioned before, access to palliative care in rural America is shockingly low, or, if not, absent. Are there things that palliative care providers, and really other providers ... Are there reasons why they should consider working in rural areas and delivering this type of care in rural areas? Michael: Yeah. I'm sitting on the back side of the hospital, in a redwood forest, with blooming rhododendrons, on a sunny day, maybe a little bit rare sunny day here in Humboldt County. To be able to drive five minutes from work and be at my house, which is five acres in a redwood forest with a beautiful view, to raise my kids in this kind of environment, is non-negotiable for me. And then utilizing these technologies to connect to people at a distance, have allowed me to have a lot more freedom, and a lot more balance in my life. Eric: Are there other things, like if I went up there and shadowed you for a week, do you think that would surprise me about delivering palliative care in rural areas? Michael: We've got a pretty rough population of folks that are disadvantaged or really challenged by all the social determinants and stuff. We've got plenty of drug use up here, plenty of people that are homeless. There are certain qualities of that group of folks in our practice that are a little bit different than that group of folks in your practice. There's a lot more marijuana up here in Humboldt County, I guess you could say. Eric: I've heard about that. Michael: Have you heard about that? People have to look for the sense of place that makes sense for them, and for their families, and for their sense of how they want to live their lives. But I think I would let you come up here and find out for yourself. The other thing that we can do any time you like, is you can drop in from right where you sit, to participate and engage with our folks. One of the tricks that this technology allows, is that I can do a family visit with people from all over the country, in a way that's much easier than all of the wringing of the hands, and stressing out of emergency plane flights, all the rest of it. So if I can, I'll tell you a little story about how I see telemedicine. Telemedicine 1.0 was a great set of ideas about 15, 20 years ago that came from big academic medical centers, like UC Davis and Washington University in St. Louis. Where they built buildings, put big bandwidth pipes, T1 cables and fiber optic pipes, and they laid them on the ground to connect to spoke sites in rural areas. They built these telehealth centers, and you would schedule people to go to the center to engage with the specialists that were based in Davis. And it totally proved that you can do good cognitive medicine using telemedicine. The problem was the barrier for entry was high, it cost so much money to build out all that stuff. Well then these things called smartphones popped up about 10 years ago, and cloud-based computing, and bandwidth requirements became ubiquitous, it was just possible to do all kinds of things. Like, for example, I think the three of us on this podcast are in three different places, doing a high-quality audio encounter in real time. Alex: Well, Eric and I are together. Michael: Oh you guys are together. Okay, good. Well, you get the point. Alex: Right, right. Theocratically we could be in different places. Michael: So that's tele-medicine 2.0, and the people that have really been advancing that are organizations like Doctors on Demand, and Teladoc, and American Well; people who are really pushing this idea that you can do brief, episodic urgent care-like connections for sniffy noses and sore throats, and save people the difficulty of having to leave work, and take a half a day, and the cost of all that stuff. What we're doing is what I call tele-medicine 3.0. And that's just taking this technology a step further to engage in longitudinal and more intimate relationships with people that have serious illness. But telemedicine 4.0… I'll just tell you a story. I was called to the hospital awhile back for a 70 year old, who needed that typical late-in-the-course transitional conversation. This is a guy with diabetes and hypertension, and a history of a few strokes. He was also a Native American fellow with a long history of being very committed to his community. Anyways, he came in with pneumonia and sepsis, and he just wasn't making it, so I was asked to come in and talk with him. So I walk into the room, and in the room is his 93 year old mother, and three or four other generations, from babes in arms, to aunts and uncles and cousins. But at the end of the bed there was a cart, and on that cart was a laptop computer, and on that laptop computer was a video conferencing platform with five other members of the family, from places like Maryland, Los Angeles, Sacramento, one other place. In other words, the room was over-filled with a synchronous communication of all those family members. And we did the thing, that you've done so times, and brought value to families to help them make that transition with a sense of resolve and on the same page. But the cool thing about it, and the reason that I say it's telemedicine 4.0, is that I didn't have anything to do with setting it up. Eric: Do you think regulations are keeping up with the technology right now? 'Cause when I hear a family member having some type of video conferencing uplink up, I also think, oh my God, what are the HIPPA regulations on that? Michael: The regulations are definitely not keeping up with the technology. So you just have to decide which kind of person are you. Are you a person that's going to ask for permission before doing useful things that are right there at your fingertips? Eric: Or just forgiveness later. Michael: Or forgiveness. That's me. You might have guessed that about me. I'm kind of a forgiveness guy. Eric: Last question from me is, what do you think the field of palliative care nationally should be doing to improve access to palliative care in rural America? Michael: I think that's a great question. The legislative and policy work that would have CMS catch up with the development of these kinds of applications of telehealth would be very, very valuable. I think value-based payments and outcome-based payments that bring together the partnership of payers and providers to solve real problems for rural America, that would be very useful. And I think that looking towards the intermediate future, building more opportunities for palliative care training. The PCHETA legislation looks like it has some life in a strange legislative environment in Washington DC right now. But really I think the other part of it is related to knowing that we'll never have enough specialty palliative care providers, and that the real value of having an expertise, is not holding it as a value proposition, but sharing it. And palliative care has this unique opportunity as one of the only intrinsically whole person perspectives on the practice of medicine and the health care system. We need to share that up and share that out with all the other specialties in medicine, and engage them in finding their own satisfaction that comes when you actually look at the people you're dealing with as people, not as either sources of revenue or problems to solve. Eric: Great. Michael, I want to thank you for joining us today. We're gonna have links to Resolution Care, to other things that we talked about, including the PCHETA bill, currently, hopefully going through the congressional steps to get it approved. And again, very big thank you for joining us today. Michael: Thrilled. That was very fun to do this gentlemen. Thank for having me. Eric: Great, Alex, do you want to close us off with another verse? Alex: Sure. Alex sings “From Great Heights” by Iron and Wine. produced by: Sean Lang-Brown by: Eric Widera (@ewidera)Type 2 Diabetes Treatment Type 2 Diabetes Diet Diabetes Destroyer Reviews Original Article

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