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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 1 month

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medialog february 2k24

is it almost april. yes. am i letting that stop me. no. the perfect is the enemy of the good!

watched

she must be seeing things - a 1987 indie about a woman who gets obsessively jealous about her girlfriend's past after discovering her collection of photographs of ex-boyfriends; this movie contained one of the most human-feeling love scenes taking place between two characters in an established relationship i have ever seen, and captured the feel of new york city apartments inhabited by the un-rich in a visceral way. it is also a funny movie about how annoying artists are. i am like sincerely curious as to whether jonathan larson, during the years before or while he was developing rent, caught a screening of this (it had its premiere at film forum, where i saw it), because a story of sexual jealousy between a very professional black lesbian lawyer and her irritating yet captivating white bisexual artist girlfriend... did feel a little familiar to me as a person who could still belt out every line of take me or leave me in my sleep, ngl!

poor things - we've discussed this but: Yes. Me. Absolutely. i wanted to live in the world of this movie forever, it could have been four hours long and i NEVER say that shit. one of those where sometimes i see critiques or queries i think are valid and i nod peacefully and think: ah, but it wasn't for that; it was for me, to have a treat. also one of those where people are saying some bonkers ass shit about it all over the place, as we have also discussed; i do genuinely believe that reading it as in any way interested in or convinced it is describing a story of female empowerment is deeply misguided, and that much of the pleasure of the movie comes from the fact that bella doesn't need to be empowered, because she has been lucky enough to be raised as an experiment rather than as a woman, which is a fun sexy provocation that is of course nonsensical if taken literally but incredibly fun for me (the person this movie was for) to sit with for two hours.

office space - i watched this in high school and HAAAATED it, was bored out of my mind, and then every time it came up in conversation, which it did a lot because this is how things were in high school in 2005, i would say i didn't get it and the person i was talking to would say, "you have to watch it twice." i don't think i've ever had an experience with a piece of media where the response to my response was so reliably uniform. anyway yeah this is funnier the second time. stephen root might be our greatest living actor idk

drive-away dolls - YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCHHHHHHHH

the heartbreak kid - elaine may's mikey and nicky is one of the most emotionally brutal films i've ever watched, but i think i found this harder to sit through. it's brilliant - i talked about it with a friend who'd seen it sometime earlier who said it was the first movie she could remember seeing that confronted men's fantasies so directly, which is apt - but absolutely excruciating. i never really understood what the film people were talking about when they talked about the use of cuts to build/release tension until the scene at a restaurant where a guy keeps winding himself up to break up with his wife on their honeymoon, and not doing it, and the camera just makes you stay with him until you are begging for relief.

sex, lies & videotape - rewatch with director's commentary. steven soderbergh is definitely on the list of famous people i delusionally believe i could be friends with if the circumstances of life had caused our paths to overlap.

zone of interest - another one that has really Brought Out The Takes, about which i'll just say: no one in this movie is turning a blind eye to what they're doing with the possible exception of the mother, who's happy to join in with some chattily murderous antisemitism but finds the material reality of it too distasteful to stay (in at least one potential reading of a plot point left interestingly ambiguous). personally i thought the film was (1) almost completely disinterested in the question of the banality of evil (2) quite good.

mission: impossible - i talked my friend into going through the series with me and we started off with a double-header; the colors in this movie are sooooooo good. tom cruise at this point has obviously had work done by xenu's finest specialists but revisiting this did remind me that he actually also genuinely always has looked quite young for his age - he's 34 in this but he looks like a baby.

mission: impossible - 2 - i literally can't believe there are people who don't like this movie. grow up

read

monster midway: an uninhibited look at the glittering world of the carny, william lindsay gresham - i guess i don't know what i expected from a nonfiction book about the carnival by the author of nightmare alley, the great american novel, but it definitely wasn't 300 pages about how the carnival is the most special and wonderful place on earth and the people who've given their lives to it are the noblest, boldest, most magical folks you can find. i particularly enjoyed the section on palmistry as cold-reading, which included a long quote from fake psychic about how really most people just need to be told some basic emotional truths and to believe in themselves, so if she can give them that, that's a dollar well spent, which is tbh hard to argue with.

listened

rosie tucker - tiny songs vol. 1 - rosie tucker came onto my radar through one of dave's mixes, which i'm still listening to - her song "all my exes live in vortexes," which opens "i hope no one had to piss in a bottle at work to get me the thing i ordered on the internet," caught my ear - and while i haven't delved further into her discography, i did love this 12-track, 10 minute album (not a typo!), which gives you the sense of someone spitballing an idea for a song just long enough to start it, then losing interest and moving on to the next one, but in a good way? idk it's fun and weird and only 10 minutes!

#media 2k24 #isabel 2k24

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scrollll · 5 months

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Okay, I know, we're all absolutely ready, have our clipboards with notes and the blackboard with pictures, threads and theories that make Kim Theerapanyakun's look like a damn kids' game board to go completely all in with the analysis again.

But here I ask for a brief pause to honor what a fiercely good job the actors have done for this series.

Seriously, my examples of this are endless. Of course, probably the most obvious, the many smut-scenes. It takes a lot to allow that level of trust and professionalism to become so intimate with not just one but multiple acting partners.

What I particularly love is that so far none of the sex scenes or general hot scenes have been "just sex". In each one you could see what was going on inside the characters.

You could see Soong's hesitation, the moment when he ignored his own preferences in order to please others and the emotions that built up bit by bit, First's joyful anticipation of finally being able to live out his fantasies and his urge to go further.

Zouey's hesitation, alternating with moments in which he tries to rise above himself, Teena's way in which he first tries to put on a show, only to fall for Zouey after all.

Nont's microexpressions, every time he's near Prom, the fear, the determination, at the same time the lust and tension.

Jump almost willingly throwing himself into Porsche's clutches, kneeling and showing himself submissive, but just waiting to be more deeply involved with Porsche...

The individual examples are endless, and truly insane.

Secondly, the intensity with which the actors prepared for the roles. At this point, I'd like to mention the Playboy actors in particular.

The actor from Teena said in an interview that the weight loss and training had presented him with enormous challenges. There were days when he didn't have enough energy to go to the gym or even lift a weight because of his diet.

Again, guys, the bodies we see don't come naturally. To be able to see a six-pack, the water balance in the body has to be extremely low. And the total body fat percentage must be between 13 and 6%. I'll leave the math to you, but as a spoiler, that's pretty damn low.

Third, the acting in general, not just in the nc scenes.

For example, the friendship between Captain, Zouey, First and Porsche, our pampered gang of the privileged.

I love their scenes together, not because I think their friendship is flawless and great, but because it feels real to me. I like seeing how they interact and how their actions and consequences affect each other.

There are many roles in Playboyy and yet none of them feel like a repetition of another already existing role. The characters are different, different written and different brought to life by the actors.

Every character has their own depth, their own characteristics, goals, motivations, abysses and things they are prepared to sacrifice.

Anyway, these people put a hell of a lot of work into this series and with every new episode I'm left speechless as to how the hell they managed to pull off scenes like this in front of a team of I don't know how many people.

Okay, I can't go on for very long here and I invite everyone to do so. There's so much hate for so many shows and things right now, so let's enjoy some stuff that's just really awesome:)

#playboyy the series #playboyy appreciation post #these actors are doing such an amazing job and I need more subbed behind the scenes and vlogs of them #i am so ready for the next ep but i have the feeling i will eat this words like dirt very soon

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a-strange-inkling · 11 months

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Ew Grace joined a misogynistic org. U still gonna Stan her?

A good time to say my piece on this and then that will be it. I’m a fan blog for fictional characters, not a celebrity commentator.

Not my field of expertise.

Anyway… People are really losing it right now as they do with anything this woman does and the best thing for us to do is handle this all with awareness. Real awareness. Like everyone needs to stop and take a second to think about this, then look at themselves.

First things first, yes I really enjoy and admire Grace as an actress, she brought to life a character I love and strongly connect with. I consider myself a fan of her work and have also witnessed her receiving a disgusting amount of hate for simply existing in the same space as her male co-star because many of his fans behave so atrociously that multiple articles have been written about them. They’ve made subfandom history as one of the most toxic groups of people on the internet.

I’ve always had sympathy for her having to deal with this and constantly having to stand up for herself for a small role connected to a side character. And then, of course, having to deal with the backlash of actually standing up for herself and continuing to dare to have an online presence. Because how dare anyone try to counter lies and unjustified hate about/directed toward themselves?

That being said, I don’t believe in blind loyalty either. Especially for celebrities. We can admire them all we want, but we don’t know them and they don’t know us. They’re not the characters that they play. Grace is not Chrissy. Joe is not Eddie. Grace is a human being that I don’t know in real life. Being a fan is not the same as really knowing someone and being their friend. I don’t believe in parasocial relationships with actors, actresses, musicians etc, it’s not healthy. As much as I enjoy her as an actress, and will speak up for her against unnecessary hate, I don’t have to agree with everything that she does or says. I don’t put her on a pedestal. She’s liable to make mistakes like the rest of us and I don’t think this was a wise or safe decision on her part.

With all the information I have on this current situation (which is not much), I can say that I’m worried for her more than anything else. This woman has gone through the ringer for a full year now and it seems this will just be used as more fuel against her. Whatever she chooses to do professionally, she is met with so much hate and frankly misogynistic hypocrisy. All that negativity worries me the most. She’s young and trying to make a living doing what she loves, so I feel bad seeing things going in the direction that they are presently.

I don’t know much about the gaming community, I’ve avoided it and have always played solo because what I do know is that it can be a very toxic and hate fueled place. Especially for women. After having to deal with what she already has, angry gamers and her own fans turning on her is going to be sad to see. And I’m not saying calling her out on this decision is turning on her, or hating on her, I think people should call out their faves when they do something wrong… it’s just going to be sad to see the discourse that follows this.

For context, for those that don’t know, this organization she’s signed up with has some really bad allegations against it, really bad, and I don’t condone or support anything to do with that.

But this is where the self awareness has to kick in for anyone in fanbase communities or, you know, just going about their daily lives.

What large entertainment organization or company doesn’t have red in their ledger? Tell me honestly. Anything dealing with a big group of people is going to have skeletons in the closet. Not condoning anything, but also trying not to be a hypocrite here, as we all should.

If you watch and enjoy Stranger Things on Netflix, if you’re a Joe Quinn/Eddie fan, you’re supporting a company that’s riddled with scandal, hiring numerous actors, writers, producers and directors accused of s*xual assault. Do you watch Disney? Visit the parks? Wear Sketchers? Any name brand clothes? Buy from Amazon? Wal-Mart? Target? Listen to Taylor Swift? Support or watch anything in Hollywood? Read Harry Potter? Watch the movies? Are you on Twitter? This website? YouTube? Facebook? Eat name brand food? If so, you’re supporting problematic, at best, people, companies, and organizations all around. We all know they’re tied to histories of scandal, hate, controversy, or even criminal activity, yet we keep watching, buying, wearing, listening, eating, consuming and supporting them as a whole. Unless you’re living off the grid, grow your own food, make your own clothes and don’t watch any form media, no one has any room to talk here. No one wants to hear this, but we’re all supporting things we would normally speak out against either consciously or unconsciously. Hollywood and streaming services are full of misogynistic, r*cist, behavior. They’ve hidden countless accusations and protected numerous r*pists since the beginning of film. But we’re still watching their movies and shows. Not saying it’s right, but we should criticize ourselves first before going after one working actress signing a deal with just one of the many bad organizations out there.

Joe recently did a voiceover for an organization that apparently is really problematic. He’s currently working with a big Hollywood film industry that also has some really shady (again, at best) history, but everyone’s going to go watch his movies, aren’t they? His stans are going to keep stanning him. So make sure you anon ask all of them the same question, kay?

Being hateful and criticizing a twenty-six-year-old actress/streamer really should not be anyone’s first steps toward activism or change. Especially if you originally didn’t like her because she’s standing near the favorite white British boy of the month. I’ve said it from the beginning, if you don’t like her or what she’s doing, block her. Unfollow her. Obsessing over her and everything she does is on the same level of intensity as stanning her.

I am disappointed in her decision, I’m worried what this means for her and her fans who’ve been in the trenches for her, but Grace’s decisions are not mine. From what I’ve heard and seen, she said she considered the risks and wants to be apart of rebuilding the organization that is trying to move forward from the allegations last year and be more supportive of female gamers. All I can do is hope that’s true. What they need to do first is call out and condemn the parties responsible for any and all crimes they’ve committed. I hope they do and that Grace will encourage that as she’s signed on with them. If not, I hope she leaves them for her own morals and safety.

This is how I feel on the matter. I’m not going to get into this any further via asks. This blog is for hellcheer content and will continue to be so. I want it to be a safe space. Anything negative in my anon messages will be reported and/or ignored from here on. So keep that in mind. I’m not into drama. If any mutuals just want to talk or vent about this you can always DM me.

🤍

#gvd #grace van dien #anon ask #just going to say it once #i’m so tired #back to just hellcheer after this

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kalena-henden · 7 months

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Destined With You Final Thoughts

THE GOOD

Rowoon - Every new role I see him in (Extraordinary You and Tomorrow), I feel like he's grown leaps and bounds as an actor. Here he got to be literally be EVERYTHING. He was an arrogant emotionless jerk, a lovesick puppy who says the cutest most ridiculously things, a serious no-nonsense professional who's great at his job, a man struggling with his feelings and choices, a devoted protective lover, gutted and sobbing over life or death circumstances, respectful patient attentive boyfriend, an impulsive and passionate lover. I know we say ALL THE EMOTIONS sometimes but he literally when through them all.

Jo Bo Ah - Hongjo was a hard character for me because she was so passive and let everyone walk all over her again and again. Her saving grace is she always stood up to Shinyu and eventually learned to stand up to those around her. I could easily be annoyed with this character if it was played by a less competent actress.

Ha Joon - I enjoyed his turn as a suave lawyer who's actually a total dork in his personal life so much so that I started watching his new 50-episode family drama, Live Your Own Life, where he's finally the male lead with his own romance. Jaekyung came as Hongjo's sage guide when she needed him and happily exited when she was settled. Honestly, not a bad arc for a SML.

Shinyu's mom, Shinyu's lawyer friend, Hongjo's Landlady, Uram and his grandfather, and Shinyu's assistant - These characters were alot of fun and added to the depth of the story. I wish we had actually gotten more development from them which would have filled out this story a bit better.

Symbolism & Magic - This show is rife with well thought out symbolism. Love all the flower/plant stuff around Hongjo (Bloom) and Shinyu (Groot) equating to a blossoming and thriving relationship. The magic is actually pretty well explained and is there if you're interested in it.

THE BAD

Dropping the Magic Halfway Through - I am EXTREMELY disappointed in a show billed as a FANTASY ROMANCE that went to painstaking care to introduce the spells and curses to be like oops! don't care if the spells worked or not but we kinda care if the big curse is real cause we want to keep Shinyu in perpetual danger. Like I have ZERO respect that the FANTASTY aspect was dropped (and no the reincarnation plotline doesn't count). I feel hoodwinked and things make even less sense now. It's basically a JJ Abrams Mystery Box level of non-sensical bulls*t which is one of the main reasons I stopped watching most Western shows. It also leaves MASSIVE holes about how and why the Gardener and Nayeon started working together as well how did they learn about and come to believe the curses would even work. It was just she's a backstabbing two-faced bully and he's an insane murderer but zilch on their motivations. I really wanted a mini-montage of the black magic curses that were so well foreshadowed. I'm unsure if this was a writing call or directing call because in Korea the directors have final edit rights, not the writers. What got left on the cutting room floor?

Hongjo's coworkers - Why were they so terrible and unfunny the entire time? They were also irrelevant to the plot. The only good thing was her boss stopping the others from bullying Hongjo. It wasted time that could have been given to the side characters l liked (see above).

Noble Idiocracy & Repetitive Danger - I'm not sure which is worse that they repeatedly put themselves in danger time after time (even when bad things kept happening to them) or they broke up or stayed apart for the other person's 'benefit'. *face palm* If it was a great story, I can forgive some of this but...

The Pacing/Editing - If they had done a big reveal of the magic and other stuff at the end that really brought things to a climax, I would be like yeah it was slow at points but look at the payoff! Instead, I'm looking back at this going, if this is the story you wanted to tell, it could use a serious overhaul in HOW it was told. Even though there was stuff I liked about this drama, I wasn't that emotionally invested.

VERDICT

I would only recommend watching this to see Rowoon act his heart out and be in a ridiculously cute and sexy romance. That's it.

I'm sad because I really loved deep diving into this show. It could have been so much more like Goblin, Doom At Your Service, or Alchemy of Souls.

#destined with you #kdrama #kalenapost #kalenameta #destinedwithyoutmeta #kalena watches kdramas #tv

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denimbex1986 · 10 months

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'The day Christopher Nolan called Cillian Murphy about his new film, " Oppenheimer," Murphy hung up the phone in disbelief.

The Irish actor, though a regular presence in Nolan films going back almost two decades, had always been a supporting player. This time Nolan wanted him to lead.

"He's so understated and self-deprecating and, in his very English manner, just said, 'Listen, I've written this script, it's about Oppenheimer. I'd like you to be my Oppenheimer,'" Murphy, 46, told The Associated Press recently. "It was a great day."

For Murphy, it is never not exciting to get a call from Nolan. It's just hard to predict if he's going to. He knows there are some movies he's right for and some movies he isn't.

"I have always said publicly and privately, to Chris, that if I'm available and you want me to be in a movie, I'm there. I don't really care about the size of the part," he said. "But deep down, secretly, I was desperate to play a lead for him."

Murphy first met Nolan in 2003. He was brought in to screen test for Batman —not just the movie, the character. Murphy knew he wasn't right for the Dark Knight, but he wanted to meet the man who'd directed "Insomnia" and "Memento." They hit it off and Murphy got to tap into a sinister intensity to play the corrupt psychiatrist Dr. Crane/Scarecrow, who would go on to appear in all three films. Nolan would also call on Murphy to be the conflicted heir to a business empire in "Inception" and a traumatized soldier in "Dunkirk."

"We have this long-standing understanding and trust and shorthand and respect," Murphy said. "It felt like the right time to take on a bigger responsibility. And it just so happened that it was a (expletive) huge one."

Soon after the phone call, Nolan flew to Dublin to meet Murphy to hand him a physical copy of the script, which he devoured right there in Nolan's hotel room in September 2020. It was, he said, the best he'd ever read.

Then the scale of it started to sink in.

This would be a film about the charismatic and controversial theoretical physicist who helped create the atomic bomb. Oppenheimer and his peers at Los Alamos would test it on July 16, 1945, not knowing what was going to happen. Then several weeks later the United States would drop those bombs on the Japanese cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, killing tens of thousands of people and leaving many with lifelong injuries.

As Nolan said last week in Las Vegas, "Like it or not J. Robert Oppenheimer is the most important person who ever lived."

"Oppenheimer," which opens in theaters on July 21, features a starry cast including Emily Blunt as Oppenheimer's wife Kitty, Matt Damon as Leslie Groves Jr., Robert Downey Jr. as Lewis Strauss, Gary Oldman as Harry S. Truman, and many more rounding out the pivotal players in and around this tense moment in history.

"You realize this is a huge responsibility. He was complicated and contradictory and so iconic," Murphy said. "But you know you're with one of the great directors of all time. I felt confident going into it with Chris. He's had a profound impact on my life, creatively and professionally. He's offered me very interesting roles over and I've found all of them really challenging. And I just love being on his sets."

Murphy continued: "Any actor would want to be on a Chris Nolan set, just to see how it works and to witness his command of the language of film and the mechanics of film and how he's able to use that broad canvas within the mainstream studio system to make these very challenging human stories."

Over the years, Murphy has come to appreciate that with Nolan there's always something deeper to discover than what's literally on the page. "Dunkirk," he recalled, was only 70 pages and there wasn't much to his character, not even a name.

"He said, 'Look, let's figure it out together and you and me can find an emotional journey for the character. And we did it. We did it out in the water on that boat. That comes from trust and respect," Murphy said. "I'm really proud of that performance."

As with all Nolan endeavors, secrecy around "Oppenheimer" is vitally important. Murphy loves the "old-fashioned approach" that builds interest and anticipation.

The difference with "Oppenheimer" and other Nolan originals, though, is that this is rooted in historical fact. You can read the book it's based on, Kai Bird and Martin J. Sherwin's Pulitzer Prize-winning "American Prometheus: The Triumph and Tragedy of J. Robert Oppenheimer." You can watch the 1981 documentary "The Day After Trinity" on The Criterion Channel.

And you can try to parse Nolan's words for clues. He's talked about recreating the Trinity Test, the fascinating paradoxes, the twists, turns, and ethical dilemmas, and that the story is cinematic and both dream and nightmare. But ultimately, it's something that just needs to be seen.

"The question will be how Chris presents it," Murphy said. "I think people will be very surprised and wowed by what he does. Anything I say will just seem a bit lame as compared to seeing this in an IMAX theater."

The time for discussions will be after the movie comes out.

"There's an awful lot to talk about when we can talk freely," Murphy said with a smile.

He did offer up that they worked hard to get Oppenheimer's look right, from the silhouette to the pipe to the porkpie hat. The man, he said, "seemed aware of his own potential mythology." But, again, those conversations will have to wait.

"I'm really proud of the movie and I'm really proud of what Chris has achieved. This was, for sure, a special one, certainly because of the history with me and Chris. We were not walking around the set high fiving, but it did feel special." Murphy said. "It's an event every time he releases a film, and rightly so. Whether I'm in them or not, I always go to see his movies."'

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becauseallhellseeisme · 2 years

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Highlights from Hayden's Star Wars Insider interview (2000)

Mostly, though, I just walked around with a huge grin on my face, and everyone asked, "Why are you so happy?" I would just say, "You'll find out sooner or later." It's been very surreal. It's the hardest thing, because I love to share.

"I love to share". Of course he does.

Los Angeles, or Hollywood, just seems so full of ambition-overcrowded with ambition. It's overwhelming. I always thought it would be this place where artists could come for a place to create, which it's not really. It's much more commerce here than it is art, which took me by surprise.

Aw, that's too cute.

As an actor, you don't really think of how well you're doing in terms of your level of fame. It's rather the quality of your work.

That depends on what kind of actor you are...

It's like I'm sitting next to myself, seeing myself, and asking, "Are you understanding this?"-"No, are you understanding this?" It's incredible. I never would have thought this would happen. I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm overwhelmed. I'm experiencing so many different emotions right now. It's a lot to deal with. But I'm thrilled with the challenge.

Brought to you by the same man who said "Seeing Ewan again as Obi-Wan Kenobi was a surreal experience, one that I will remember for the rest of my life I think.”

I'm a fan of all her films. I think she's made some really smart choices in the work that she has done. I'm really excited to be working with her, and Ewan too. He's great, so that will be fun.

It was my agent and they sounded really excited, so I knew immediately what was going on. I just walked outside for a minute, and then I called my mom.

Love that he called his mom.

My original plan was to go to university on a tennis scholarship, but I got side-tracked with acting.

Good for him.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT ACTING THAT YOU LOVE?

It's the ability to reinvent yourself. There are so many things that I myself would never do, but I have the ability to live vicariously through my characters. They say it's the shy man's revenge-which in my case it definitely is.

YOU THINK YOU'RE PRETTY SHY?

I'd say so. But acting definitely brings it out of me.

YOU DON'T SEEM SHY.

Yeah, interviews are different.

😭😭😭❤

YOU KNOW SOFIA COPPOLA IS in EPISODE I AS ONE OF THE QUEEN'S HANDMAIDENS.

No way! Are you kidding me? I had no idea. That's pretty cool.

Too funny.

All my favorite work so far has been on stage. I've done a couple professional productions. I did Hamlet. That would probably be my favorite part-Hamlet.

Ooooooh. That makes so much sense!

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE STAR WARS CHARACTER?

Vader! [Laughs]

For the most part, I'm going to create my own Anakin - so be prepared.

#interview #hayden christensen #attack of the clones #star wars

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cassandra-has-moonlit-eyes · 2 years

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Some rambling

Cats Vienna is ending soon and I just want to write a few toughts down.

When I first got into Cats back in October I watched the 1998 DVD first then I went to the theatre to see it (I blame google ads for that because I was googeling the Musical and of course living in Vienna I got an ad for the Ronacher. your not immune to online ads but in this case I’m happy about it haha).

After that with the theatre being quite expensive I stuck to the DVD for quite a while and then I became part of the Musical Club that the VBW have so I could get tickets quite cheap like one hour before the show starts.

That’s when I started to go regually. When I felt like Cats I didn’t watch the DVD I literally just went to the theatre. That was really amazing for me because so I could become a fan not just by watching the DVD but by seeing it live again and again (I’m somewhere between 20-25 times now).

Seeing it live has quite a few advantages.

First of all Vienna has quite a few Swings and “minor” characters covering “major” characters so I was able to see quite a few actors in different roles and see their different interpretations of the characters. And because some portrayed their relationships with the others very differently from other actors it fed my headcanons and my poly ships.

Next advantage that other than the DVD, where die movie is a fixed text that can’t be changed, theatre is an “open” text which changes with every evening you go. There was always something new or/and something different to see and to fall in love with.

Also you become biased. That’s some sort of taboo to talk about in some fandoms but I’ll just say it: You start to enjoy some actors perforamnce of a character more than an other’s. This is of course very subjective in most cases. Cats was the first Musical I saw that often and let me tell you: There is a certain joy I developed when I saw certain names on the cast list. I do not know if that is an unique experience or it other musical fans have that too because I never was part of a musical fandom before.

All in all the cast in Vienna is absolutly amazing. I don’t know how long I will be part of the Cats fandom because my fandoms tend to change but I’m pretty sure that if I get the chance to see other productions later in life that I will take it just so I can reexperience the joy I felt every time I went into the theatre during the last half year.

And not just the cast. The orchestra, the stage, the costumes, the make up the production as a whole is absolutly amazing. So much thought and love went in every little detail and even thou it’s a classic post 1998 Movie reblica production it has it’s own vibe and feeling to it. The costumes alone do not make the characters, the actors do.

The Vienna Cast is absolutely amazing, and I will always remember them and their enactment of the characters very fondly. They were quite some hissy kitty cats but they portrayed the bond between the characters and their love for each other so well.

This post is more of a dairy entry for me really. This post is mostly me “fangirling”, it is subjective and biased and I’m not a professional theatre critique (thou I had to write some reviews for university). I generally do not know the criteria for good or bad acting, I’m not a professional dancer and I have no theoretical knowledge about music.

I can only write about how much joy these people and their performances brought into my life. This text is very subjective, it talks about my interpretation of the acting and a big part of it is just me fangirling and saying how much I loved their performance. I just want to shout out some of them specifically.

Anneka Dacres (Cassandra)

Most of the times I went she played Cassandra and she really made me fall in love with the character. She really took her three words (thou I do not know for sure if Vienna used them, but I guess): haughty, disdainful, aloof and put them into her performances but she didn’t make them her whole performance. She also had a lot of fun with the character, especially during the Tugger number, the Jellicle Ball and Mistoffelees.

She stuck out to me from the beginning. Her posture and movements were always on point, and she put so many small details into her performance. First time I went I knew next to nothing about the characters but her cleaning herself before getting picked my Mistoffelees, being the only cat that was not trying to get chosen for the part but was just minding her own business was so fun. The actors don’t use words, there is no dialogue, so they must put everything into their acting. Her being surprised, pointing at herself and then shaking her head like “what? Me? Nooo!!!!” was so well played and funny from the first time I saw her when I didn’t even know her character trades or name and is still one of my favourite parts of the musical till today.

More than once I was lucky to sit front right, right there where she talks to during the Naming of the Cats. Her facial expressions, eye movements and reinacting of the words were always on point and she really took that “acting like a cat” very seriously. She could be seen cleaning herself in the background from time to time. During the Jellicle Ball I loved how she sometimes looked confused after the cartwheel but then when seeing Alonzo there was pure joy on her face and she took his hand and perfectly in sync they danced together. She also portrayed so much joy during the Bomba section and the Rum Tum Tugger, but at the same time she could be proud and aloof, especially in front of Grizabella or when she got attention by other cats that she wasn’t feeling at the moment (in character). I loved the moment, when she shooed Victoria away, looked and Grizabella and then left the stage with every movement looking absolutly on point, cat like and proud.

It never seemed inconsistent to me but simply cat-like. Most people who own cats know how it be sometimes. In one moment, they are playing or snuggling the next moment they become very distant and don’t want you to touch them at all.

Anneka Dacres also covered Demeter and Bombalurina a few times and I was so lucky to see her as Demeter once. I loved her portrayal of this character too. She put so much emotion into her acting and seeing her dancing the Macavity number was so amazing. With her you could feel the story that is told through the choreo.

George Maniadis (Alonzo)

At the beginning of getting into Cats I wasn’t really interested in Alonzo at all. In the 1998 movie he was just there for me. I didn’t understand the fandom obsession with the character and then Maniadis’ interpretation of the character stepped into my life. He and his performance made me like the character.

His line during Jellicle Cats is: “Bist du stolz wie ein Pfau?” and he took that line and made it an important part of his character. He played Alonzo vain, he was always cleaning himself in the background and carrying himself with a little bit arrogance. He thought that he is the main character and made sure that the audience had the best view of him all times possible. At the beginning I thought he was scared by Grizabella but really, he was disgusted by her. He also took the uncertain part very serious whereby (?) I would describe him as more scared especially when confronted with danger like Macavity. During the first Macavity scare when the cats leave the stage, he often really tried to be brave and to stay at Munkustrap’s side, but he just was too scared. Again, no words, but Maniadis portrayed it so well, the proud posture at the beginning, then started to crouch slightly and hastily leaving the stage.

He also played the Macavity fight so well. He came back on stage, looking at the fight and at the other cats, like he was looking for somebody else to step in. When nobody stepped in he had to find his courage and do it himself. It was always so great and so satisfying to see him overcoming his fear in order to help the others.

Maniadis also played Alonzo quite flirty, mostly with Cassandra, a lot of Bombalurina, some Demeter and sometimes even some Jennyanydots. He also put so many small details and interactions in his performance and was always 100% in character. He also was very good at portraying a cat, a very neat and clean cat. His dancing was always amazing and enjoyable to watch especially during the Jellicle Ball (Jellicle Cats are black and white and big boiis 1 A+).

I was also lucky to see him as Admetus/Macavity a couple of times and he was the scariest Macavity from all the Macavity’s I’ve seen in Vienna. Greatly enjoyed his performance here too.

Nicholas Li (Admetus/Macavity)

Like Alonzo I never cared much about Admetus in the 1998 movie then Li’s interpretation of the character stepped into my life. This man put so much joy and effort into that character.

He was always so happy and cute, and I loved how he sometimes nuzzled Electra’s head after helping her with the trapeze.

During Tugger, I know that Tugger is the protagonist of this song, but I usually looked at Admetus when he was played by Li because it was so enjoyable to see his different facial expressions and the small details he put into his performance. More than once he for example nuzzled Tugger’s head when the other cat was leaning on him.

He was also always very active during Grizabella’s performance, interacting with Carbucketty and Bill Bailey. During other numbers he stepped in when either Bill Bailey or Carbucketty were missing.

He was always so fun and cute during the pas de deux, very shy at the beginning and very proud of himself, when he lifted Vicky. More than once her tail landed in his face, and he seemed like he really needed to hold back his laughter. His posture and form always seemed right and on point for me.

He was also an amazing Macavity. Admetus/Macavity is more of a dance role, and I can’t stress enough how perfect he was casted for that role. You could really see how well he worked with the others, especially with the Munkustraps and Alonzos, so everything would go right. The little signs he gave them so they would know when to jump him. He also played the being hurt at the end so well, when everybody was attacking him, he just wanted to get away.

With all three of them Dacres, Mandiadis and Li you could see how much love and effort they put into their characters and into their performance. Even thou there is no dialogue in cats they portrayed their characteristics, sympathies, dislikes and their emotions over all so well through playing and in some cases even put them into their dancing. I can’t do a really close analysis because I can’t rewind and rewatch certain parts put it always felt to me that Dacres put a lot of elegance and precision in her dancing, Mandiadis did the proud and sexy parts very well and Li as Admetus was always so playful while being very dangerous, forceful and threatening as Macavity.

I think we as a fandom must hype up the dance roles more (I’m a biased bitch). Vicky and Misto get a lot of love but what the Admetus/Macavity actor must pull off is also incredible and I feel that the dancers hardly ever get recognition for it because general audiences can’t tell them apart from the other cats and Admetus doesn’t do the bows in the Macavity costume. If you ever have the chance to see a performance, give him all your applause and cheers, he really deserves it!

Barbara Obermeier (Jellylorum/Griddlebone)

I just looked at all the cast lists from the dates where I went and Barbara Obermeier played Jellylorum so often. She was always an absolute amazing Jellylorum, a little bit more fun and chaotic than your usual Jelly I would say. She had a lot of great interactions with Gus, taking his hand for example when leaving the stage during a Macavity scare. During Tugger she was so much fun. One time she imitated his hip movements, another time she was a part of his “band”.

During Gus she was always so caring but also a little bit done with his antics. You could see the Fremdschämen on her face when he tried to do his growl, but it didn’t come out as expected.

She is also the main reason why I started to enjoy the Growltiger part. Honestly, I don’t like Opera at all, it’s one of my least favourite genres of theatre but her voice was always so beautifully clear that after some time I really started to enjoy this part. And she was such a fun and dramatic Griddlebone. I enjoyed when she pulled her long tail away from Growltiger and showed him a no no no with her index finger.

I also was so lucky to see her as Grizabella and she played her sadder and more broken I think than some of the other actresses. And I’m absolutely in love with her voice, really. I know this is a me problem, but I have something with my ear/nose so sometimes it hurts me when things explode on stage and the “touch me” part usually did too but when she was performing it didn’t hurt. I could really enjoy this part to the fullest.

Jo Lucy Rackham (swing, dance captain, booth, covering 1/3 of the cast!)

I saw her as Demeter, Rumpleteazer, Electra and Carbucketty and there was hardly a performance I went to where she wasn’t on stage (and when she wasn’t she was in the booth). None of the performances I watched were without her (apart from one). For me she IS Cats Vienna. I completely fell in love with her pure talent, versatility and hard work.

Every single character she played she played differently. She is not just a great singer with clear voice and a great actress she is also an amazing dancer with perfect stamina while singing, even during numbers like Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer or Macavity. It always felt like she knows and understands every character (as dance captain it’s probably also part of her job) and she put so many details into every single character she played. If I would write everything down, we would be sitting here still tomorrow. Just know following: Fun and cheeky Rumpleteazer, great interactions and chemistry with Mungojerrie, Tugger and some of the younger cats. Extremely prominent and energetic during the Jellicle Ball. She also knows Demeter well and I loved her portraying her relationship to Macavity with fearing him and being drawn to him at the same time. It always felt like she really thought about Demeter’s backstory. Macavity Number A+. Great Jenny, great tap dancing, great interaction with Bustopher Jones, Tugger and Victoria (+other kittens). Extremely cheeky Carbucketty, also dancing with Misto during the Jellicle Ball was very enjoyable. Great interactions with Electra, Bill Bailey and Grizabella.

This woman was hell of prominent on stage and always did an absolute amazing job for every single performance.

Others I want to mention:

Vicky Riddoch: Saw her as Electra, Rumpleteazer and Jemima. Amazing actress and dancer (Electra has centre stage during the last part of the Jellicle Ball and she absolutely deserves it <3). She is so fun and had always great interactions with the other cats and with the audience even thou she had to stay on stage. A+ cat like movements and facial expressions always on point.

Meghan Peploe-Williams: She will always have a special place in my heart because she was the first one to newly join the cast after I became a fan. I saw her as Electra like three times or something and she brought so much joy to the role. Loved her interaction with Bill and how she played during Tugger and Skimble. Also saw her as Tantomile and Cassandra. Very cute and very caring Cassandra and Tantomile.

Both are the reason I fell in love with Electra too.

Anneke Brunekreeft: Saw her as Demeter quite I few times and I always loved her voice and her portrayal of the character, especially how she played her relationship to Munkustrap. To me it seemed like you could really see how the romance evolved through the play. Also saw her as Jenny, Tantomile and Bombalurina. Loved her performances here too. Versatile queen.

Giulia Vazzoler: To me this woman has one of the most beautiful voices I’ve ever heard live, and she has incredible stamina during the Macavity number. I loved er portrayal of the character very much, especially her reactions to and compassion for Grizabella. Also: Amazing dancer. I can’t describe it but I just love when you can feel the Macavity choreo.

All in all: Vienna has had amazing Demeter actresses. Good job with the casting.

Petra Ilse Dam: I fell absolutly in love with her Tantomile. She was always so in synch with her Coricopats but made the character stand out on her own. I also loved the sort of friendly beef she had going on with Rumpleteazer. That brought so much joy to the character. Loved that she also recogniced Macavity and on some evenings sche had more interactions with Demeter which I loved too. Saw her as Bombalurina too and enjoyed her performance as the red queen too.

Hannah Kenna Thomas: Nearly every time I went, she played Victoria und most of the times she was on fire. I loved her reaction to Grizabella (and not being allowed to touch her, lol) and how well she played her admiration for Tugger. Her dancing in form and posture during her solo and during the pas des deux looked always so clean and right

Andrea Luca Cotti: nearly forgot him because he left a few months ago but he was an absolute amazing Mungojerrie. I loved his voice and his acting so much. He was fun and chaotic and had absolute great chemistry with every single Rumpleteazer he played with. In German I would describe his Mungojerrie as schelmisch and that’s exactly how he should be. He made people in the audience laugh a lot.

And last but not least:

Stephen Martin Allan: An absolute happy, fun, wiggly and sassy Mistoffelees. He took his character trades but never “overplayed” them. He was a little bit aloof, quite a bit neat and hardly ever competitive but still. I always loved the faces he made in reaction to the other characters or even to the audience, how he looked happy, curious, shocked or even scared. As far as I can tell he is an amazing dancer. The conjuring turns were always on point.

I mean I could shout out the whole cast. In my opinion they were all amazing, really (I now see here a had a strong bias towards the dance heavy roles haha). Great dancers, great singers, great actors, very multitalented and very professional with mistakes, mishaps and accidents. I started going regularly quite at the end of the run and they all seemed like they had their characters and how they wanted to portray them figured out. The make up was always amazing, even if you sat very close. I do not feel sad that it is ending. I’m happy that I had the chance to watch it as often as I did and that these people brought so much joy to me.

In retrospect this cast and their interpretations of the characters are the main reason why I got into Cats.

#loved every performance I saw so much #personal stuff #plz don't reblog #I just want to share

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popontomarlie · 2 months

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We're heading towards the end and I get some pieces of information from there and there, I get less brain rotted about DFF day by day and don't really care about pheejin so much (still love Copper and protect Jin though, hearts), so now I see this story as a whole. And I don't like it.

I'm not a professional script writer and have only a few fanfics on ao3, so, I'm the least qualified person. But as I always say when it comes to hockey games, if even I noticed it, it must be an obvious thing.

When pre-release trailer just came out, I was crying, screaming, throwing up for about a month. I still re-watch it every one in a while, because it's a beautiful thing and I could write a story based on it only.

But we've got what we've got and I have some questions and thoughts.

First, the evil five or whatever people call them. Throughout the flashback we see Jin not really getting along with Por, Tee and Top, who are, I personally believe, the original trio. Fans proposed that Fluke became friends with them because they used him for school, and I am all for this explanation. But Jin? The question is not why he became friends with them but rather why they became friends with him? I can only suggest that Por brought Jin into the company because rich kids (people in general) like to be surrounded by rich kids (people).

Another question is why Por attends this school? Why doesn't he attend blue pants private school like White and Phee? When I first thought about it, I explained it to myself that maybe Por's father wants to be this down-to-earth politician whose kid goes to a state school, but I don't think his mother would just allow it.

Also, as surprising it was for all of us that Por called out Keng, it is pretty reasonable for a politician's teenager son to know about sa and power harassment. At least it makes sense to me. Maybe his father had some scandals at his workplace and talked about it at home, idk. Just saying.

Second, Non's family. His parents in particular. I do understands that their behavior might be realistic, some people can act the same in real life, but we're talking about characters, and characters' actions usually have a narrative. So we have two neglectful towards Non parents. They don't love him, because he's not as good and hard-wordking as New, he dares to ask for money or whatever. And when the video is leaked they're ashamed of their son sleeping with a man, but don't even think about their son being groomed (and they know about his mental state, they must realize his son is vulnerable). They don't care about their son until he disappears. And what should we expect from a characters like this? That they probably gonna believe that Non run away with Keng and pretend they only have one son. But suddenly their focus shifts to Non, and this twist frustrates me so much. The parents are just plot tools, not characters, and it makes the audience even more fierce, but once you start analyzing?

I'm not sure about New's character, because for me there are some contradictions in him too. First of all, New, how the fuck could you not know about your mother's state? Okay, they didn't tell you bc they thought you were in England, but why didn't you send Phee to check on them or something?

Okay, this is the question I have for him as a person (who calls her mom every day) to another person. But to think about it in a context of a character? New just doesn't care so much? See, he get obsessed easily, first with his education, then with his revenge. And, yeah, as other people have already pointed, New does it all for himself, not for Non.

The problem that I have with DFF is that once you reach ship wars/wars with jin haters post clarity you come to realize how messy this story is. Hear me out.

I think there're too many characters. Yes. It could be Top who took and leaked the video. Why you make Jin do it if then you give no explanation of his actions (in the show, not by the actor) or don't even show some shift of his attitude towards Non if he's disappointed? Make him a jealous bully! Make him the reason Non loses it completely when the last person who's been nice to him becomes mean too. Or if Jin doesn't become the absolute antagonist, why don't you make at least one scene when Jin realizes he's fucked up? And if he's a manipulator as many believe, show his manipulative side! And if it's revealed he was not the one to leak the video, there will be even more questions. Again, I love Jin, I see so much potential for him, but at this point I think that Jin girlies developed his character much better that the writers.

I think it was possible to split Jin's character into two: Top and Fluke. Top takes the video. Fluke makes Non stay in the project as a fellow bullying victim.

And Phee's new love interest? Oh god, this boy could've lost his focus with anyone or anything. Send him into a university party life and he will forget Non just fine. Or make him fall in love with Tee, imagine how spicy it would be.

Anyway, my point and position when it comes to books, movies, shows is that if you don't/can't develop a character/plot line properly, don't do it at all. And this is exactly what happened with Jin; he's definitely not a secondary character like Top and Por (i mean their screen time and depth), but not main like Non, Tee, Phee or New either. He's stuck in this limbo, hated by almost everyone (and oh how funny it is that Copper started getting hate too, I though DFF fans were anti-bullying). Again, I love Jin, and I think about him just as I always think about things I love: you do it well or you don't corrupt it with your ass work at all (and BOC is usually guilty of this but don't let me start).

To conclude:

If I were given this idea, set of characters and asked to write a script (12 ep) I would go for an already proven method and make one episode per character from their perspective (other three for murder in the woods). Start with Top and Por' pov, then go to Fluke, then Phee, then Jin, then New, then Tee and White (not sure if Non's pov is better in the beginning or the end). Give each character a backstory, even Top who is literally just a guy (derogatory), show through his pov how the original five became friends and how stupid and evil teenagers can be.

P.S. My main suspicion is that writers created (poorly) some characters so BOC could establish their young actors, which, to put it respectfully, was a bad idea. What do you get in the end? Ship wars, actors being bullied, disappointment by both fans who want a revenge horror and fans who want a gray characters' story.

I hope I will be proven wrong and have to put on my clown wig again this week, but you should've seen me in January and see me now, the disappointment vibes are killing everything around me.

P.S.S. If White turns out to be Non but after surgery, my facepalm is gonna be so strong I'll have to go under face surgery myself. Non's face to White's face? He'd have to break his jaw and would not be able to move it for months, not saying that he'd probably have to wear braces!

#dff meta #this is not meta tho just late night rumble

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tomhiddlestonfanfic · 2 years

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I Don’t Have Time for This

CHAPTER NUMBER/ONE SHOT: One shot

WHICH TOM CHARACTER: Actor Tom

PAIRING: Tom Hiddleston/Reader

GENRE: Romance, Drama

AO3-link

REQUEST: The reader and Tom are in a relationship and he is getting ready to start a new movie or play, but he either gets injured or sick (something like the flu or a broken ankle, nothing life-threatening) and that jeopardizes his ability to perform the role. He’s stressed out and worried and the reader has to take care of him whilst comforting him about the entire situation.

TAGLIST: @waddlenut @sleutherclaw @twhiddlestonsstuff

I Don’t Have Time for This

“I don’t have time for this.” Those were the first words you heard Tom utter as you came into the hospital room he was sharing with three other people.

“It’s nice to see you too, darling,” you huffed amusedly and sat down beside him on the hospital bed. Tom pulled you closer towards him and brought you into a kiss.

“Of course I’m happy to see you, love,” he assured you and kept his arms around you, holding you close. “I just don’t have time for a broken ankle right now. I have so much work to do,” he explained. He seemed stressed.

“I know darling,” you sighed and gently caressed his cheek. “I’m sure it will work out somehow. It’s not like they can replace Loki with another actor for season two. You are Loki. I’m sure they’ll find a way to work around your injury.”

“I feel like such a klutz,” Tom confided in a lower voice so no one else would hear him but you.

“You were unlucky,” you told him. “It could happen to anyone.”

“But it happened to me,” Tom said with a pout. Your heart melted at how adorable he looked as he was moping around.

“I’m truly sorry that it happened to you, darling. If I could switch places with you, I would,” you told him sympathetically.

“I wouldn’t want you to,” Tom objected and sighed heavily.

“I know,” you said with a gentle smile. “But I promise, it’s going to be alright. They’ll make it work somehow. You’re the main character. You can still practice for your part, even if you won’t be able to walk without crutches for some time. They’ll simply leave out the running and action scenes until your ankle has healed. It can’t be that hard. They’re professionals after all,” you reasoned. Tom managed to smile at you.

“You might be right,” he agreed, but still seemed a bit frustrated by the situation. “I was just out for a run and then one false step and bang, it just broke. I feel like such an idiot.”

“But you’re not an idiot. You’re the smartest man I know,” you told him and he smiled at you. “You were just unlucky, that’s all.”

“Thank you darling,” Tom said and kissed you again.

Tom didn’t have to stay for long at the hospital and after a couple of hours, you were back home again. You cooked the dinner as he contacted his working colleagues to fill them in on what had happened. To judge by the look on Tom’s face after finishing his calls, it had gone better than he had anticipated.

“You were right. They’ll find a way to work around it,” Tom informed you with a smile as he stood in the door opening to the kitchen with his phone in his hand. He looked so relieved.

“Of course I was right,” you told him confidently and walked up to kiss him. After the kiss you looked up at him with a mischievous grin.

“What?” Tom asked with a smile as he looked at you thoughtfully.

“I…” you hesitated and blushed.

“You…” Tom said in an attempt to make you finish your sentence.

“I can’t wait to see you as Loki again,” you revealed and Tom smiled knowingly at you. He knew about your weakness for Loki.

“Is that so?” he asked playfully and placed his hands on your shoulders. He lowered his voice and leaned in to whisper seductively in your ear. “Kneel.”

Your cheeks instantly grew warm and you looked up at Tom in surprise. He seemed pleased with himself as he smirked at you. He was Loki.

#loki x reader #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston x reader #tom hiddleston x male reader #tom hiddleston x female reader #tom hiddleston x gender neutral reader #loki fanfiction

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camxnoel-updates · 3 years

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Cameron Monaghan brought the character of Ian Gallagher to life on Showtime’s hit series, Shameless. The series aired for a total of 11 seasons after originally premiering in 2011. It ranked as the network’s no. 1 comedy, longest-running series, and had the youngest-skewing audience of any Showtime series. Monaghan also joined two legendary universes with roles in both Gotham and Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order, which I got to ask him about too!

The final season of SHAMELESS finds the Gallagher family and the South Side at a crossroads, with changes caused by the COVID pandemic, gentrification, and aging to reconcile. As Frank confronts his own mortality and family ties in his alcoholic and drug-induced twilight years, Lip struggles with the prospect of becoming the family’s new patriarch. Newlyweds Ian (Cameron Monaghan) and Mickey (Noel Fisher) are figuring out the rules and responsibilities of being in a committed relationship while Deb embraces her individuality and single motherhood. Carl finds an unlikely new career in law enforcement and Kevin and V struggle to decide whether a hard life on the South Side is worth fighting for.

Along with the final season, fans also got a six-episode series that featured new Shameless scenes juxtaposed with a retrospective look at each character’s journey over the prior 10 seasons, titled, Shameless Hall of Shame. The first episode followed Ian and Mickey, showcasing their unique relationship and its evolution from a teen fling into a loving, complicated marriage.

I was able to chat with the actor over zoom and ask him all of my burning questions regarding the series finale, Ian and Mickey’s future, the show’s open ending, the representation his character provided to those watching, what he kept from the set, his future projects, and so much more! Keep reading to find out everything he told me.

So first of all, I want to say a huge congrats to you for wrapping Shameless after 11 seasons and bringing this character to life, who has inspired so many and that so many relate to. I wanted to ask, what has your time on the show meant to you and how would you describe how it helped you grow as an actor?

Cameron Monaghan: I mean, it’s so difficult to distill 11 years into some sort of concise answer, but it’s meant a lot for so many reasons. I think that obviously it’s been important for my career and my life in a sense of how it’s not only given me exposure but also given all of us a platform as performers to be able to tell interesting and challenging stories and to really develop and grow. Obviously, we had a couple of old pros on the show– when I say old pros, I’m not calling them old, just that they’re professionals and they’ve been doing it for a long time, but like William H. Macy, Joan Cusack, and a number of people who had very storied careers. Then we had actors on the show who had never appeared on anything prior and for a lot of us, we were somewhere in the middle, where we’d been working for a number of years, but hadn’t been given the opportunities to really put ourselves out there in such a significant way.

So being able to get an audience over the course of 11 years– and the show grew steadily, it was a marginal success at first, but it wasn’t until like season 4 or 5 that it really started to be seen by people and really connect on a larger platform, and a lot of that had to do with Netflix. When that happens we had such an influx of people kind of saying how they related to it and I think that that’s something that I’ve really taken away– I think we’ve all taken away, to be able to hear a lot of other people’s stories and how they’ve connected these stories in entirely different ways. Everyone has had different favorite characters or storylines and they have brought their own personal experiences to that, but for people to say that they feel seen or heard in some ways by these stories, I think is very special. You know, the character that I was playing was an LGBT love story, as well as a story about mental illness, and coping and struggling with that. I had so many positive responses from people regarding those things, and it was amazing to hear people’s responses. So I think that not only was I able to grow as an actor but being able to hear that response and feedback helps you grow as a human being too. I guess that’s what one of my major takeaways is.

What was that final day of shooting like for you, and how did you feel when you officially wrapped?

It was a bit surreal. I don’t think it really set in at first. It’s always funny when you wrap on a project, I feel like it comes in waves, and with something like a TV show, you start to feel it on the last few episodes of like, “Oh, wow, it’s going to be over.” You start trying to find your little ways of saying goodbye to people and understanding that these conversations are obviously not the last for everyone; we’re still close with each other, but you start to recognize that within the context of the show they’ll be your last so that’s a difficult thing. I’ve never been particularly good at saying goodbye, you know? I feel like in general, I’m kind of a person that just likes to be like, “I’m just going to walk away from it cause I don’t know what else to do really.”

So, we were shooting pretty late at night and we were all there hanging out and cracking jokes, and it was just of like, “Oh, I guess that’s it.” We all kind of looked at each other like, “Well, what do we do now?” A bunch of us stuck around for a few hours afterward, we popped a bottle of champagne, and we sat in each others’ trailers and just kinda hung out until pretty early in the morning, the next day. Then we’ve all kind of just been hanging out and seeing each other since. Everyone’s been really busy, thankfully. So we’ve been traveling and going to different cities for work, but when we’ve been in town we’ve been trying to see each other. I had dinner with Jeremy and Ethan, who played my brothers on the show last week. Noel Fisher, I just saw yesterday. I’m going to see Shanola Hampton in a few days. We’re all still staying in touch with each other is what I’ll say.

Were you personally satisfied with the ending of the show? I think it was very open-ended, which was kind of nice and left a lot open for the future. And was there anything you wanted to see for your character that we weren’t able to?

Endings are difficult in general, but I feel like, especially with a show like Shameless, which is a show about a slice of life and sort of how existence doesn’t really fall into a perfect narrative; it tends to be messy and kind of just continue in spite of itself, and it’s a stream of these little victories and these constant mistakes. So you can’t really cap off a pure ending to a story like that. I think that what John Wells tried to do with writing it is not really conclude the stories. He concludes certain aspects, but the way that he explained it to us is he wanted it to feel like if you were walking through the streets of Chicago, maybe you might bump into these characters. Maybe they’re still out there and maybe they’re still doing things. Some of us had more resolution than others.

I would actually say that the Ian and Mickey storyline was one that did have a fair amount of resolution for the final episode. It was about their anniversary, how they were going to deal with their future, and they’ve kind of figured out some sort of life with each other. There are still large questions, whether or not they’re going to have kids and what the terms of their marriage will entail in the future, but those are questions that are lifelong questions, and ones that I think that we know these characters well enough and we understand their relationships well enough that we can draw our own conclusions for. I think there is something beautiful about the fact that the audience will project what their future for these characters will be.

I think it was a challenging final season because of so many extenuating factors in the world. All shows, businesses, everything was trying frantically to keep up with a changing landscape, and the fact that we were able to make it in spite of all of those things, I think is a victory in itself; one that we are all proud of and happy with. I do think there’s still a future, years out, where we might return to these characters and explore them further. I think that I’m happy putting them to bed for now, I think we all are, but I would like to maybe check in with these characters in 5 or 10 years, and just kind of see where they’re at and what they’re doing.

Kind of like a little Shameless movie, just to play catch up for a little bit.

Yeah, I think that’s something that is kind of more possible now with these streaming networks. They’ve done it with a few series, to sometimes success and sometimes mixed results, but I do think there is a possibility of a reunion season or something like that, depending on where the show fits into the public consciousness in a few years, you know? It’s an open question, but one I’d be excited to see.

How you would describe Ian’s evolution and journey on the show?

I think that Ian has come a long way in terms of confidence and assuredness in himself and his own decisions. I think that’s what a lot of the exploration of the character was, especially in the middle seasons between seasons like 3 to 8 or 9, are this guy who sort of just doesn’t necessarily know what he wants for himself and he’s dealing with a bunch of surprises about himself that he doesn’t necessarily understand, or hasn’t really come to terms with. I think it’s amazing to see Ian in these earlier episodes where he’s kind of getting kicked around by his relationships and by his family. He’s kind of a forgotten kid a little bit. He’s like a middle child, who’s just sort of– people aren’t really looking out for him. His brother does to a certain extent, but also his brother is kind of telling him what he wants for himself and Ian isn’t as active.

At a certain point, he starts to really come into his own as an adult and as a human being. I think it’s amazing how we see him as not only a big brother by the end of the series, but also sort of– there’s something a bit paternal about him. He becomes a bit of a father figure, even a little bit in his relationships. I think it’s interesting how Mickey was always sort of the commanding force and deciding factor for so much of the series; when Ian was really struggling with mental illness and down in the dumps, Mickey is the kind of guy who was looking after him, but by the end of the series, Mickey is a bit childlike in certain ways. Ian is kind of protecting him to a certain extent, and even with his older brother, Lip, Ian is sort of looking out for him in a slightly paternal way, which I think is kind of interesting. He really comes a long way in sort of being confident enough in himself to start looking out for other people that I think is a really great quality. It makes him a character who has made a fair amount of mistakes but mistakes that we understand, and I think that ultimately he’s a guy that I understand and really relate to because he does have this quality to him.

So I have to ask you some questions about Ian and Mickey. I personally love them together, they were one of the reasons I started watching the show. In the end, as you said, we kind of get some closure, but also an open ending with them and it’s a happy one; they’re together and celebrating their anniversary. In your head, what do you think that their future holds? Do you think kids are in the picture; do you think they’re going to be parents? Ideally, what is your version of their happy ending, if you could create it?

I think that they both still need to do some work. I would say that they need to do work as a couple in their marriage still of just defining the terms of what is it that they want financially, sexually, intimately, personally, all of these things. It’s a show full of people who aren’t great at communication or dealing with their own feelings– I mean to a certain extent, most human beings aren’t, but these guys, especially, come from a rough background and they have that tendency of just kind of wanting to push that stuff down. Ian has really opened up Mickey and Mickey to a certain extent has really opened up Ian over the course of the series, but I still don’t think they’re fully all the way there. Mickey has a lot of emotional baggage when it comes to parenthood, his father, and dealing with responsibility.

I don’t know if Mickey is fully there. Hopefully, he would be one day in the future. And hopefully, Ian would be patient enough to give him the space to make that decision and to not want to rush into it. I do think that it would be something in their future. Parenthood was a huge motivating factor for Ian earlier in the series, going so far as to steal someone’s baby at some point because he wants to be a father. I would hope that they would be able to provide that for him and for themselves, but there’s no way to know, we have to sort of make that assumption for ourselves, but I think so.

Ian and Mickey have been this fan-favorite couple that means so much to the LGBTQ+ community in terms of representation. What was the moment that you personally started rooting for them?

I think it was pretty early. I was rooting for Ian from the first episode, from the pilot, but the second that Mickey gets introduced to the show, he brought such a fun dynamic with him. Obviously, a massive amount of charisma that was coming from Noel Fisher. The scenes were always fun, exciting, and felt steeped in a lot of dramatic tension. Whether or not they were destined to be together was kind of a question that still was developing. In the first season to the third season, the Mickey character is pretty rough emotionally and physically; he is at points pretty, extremely abusive in a way that is great for a character and for a story, but if I was talking to Ian as a person in real life, I would probably say, “Get the hell away from this guy. He’s awful for you.”

But within the context of the story, we’re able to get the internal life of these characters and we understand them well enough to really want to be rooting for them and see them succeed. It builds into this pretty epic love story of these characters that really do feel kind of intertwined by fate and something greater. It feels like you have these forces pulling for them in a way that you want with every fiber of your being to see it work out for them because you care for them. So obviously, Noel and I had been rooting for these characters the entire time, but it was really fun playing some of the ridiculousness of the situations of the two of them, where they were just very at odds with each other at times. It was a joy bouncing off of each other in both the highs and the lows of the character.

Is there sort of a message that you hope their love story gives to viewers that see themselves in these characters?

Well, I think the aspects of the characters, especially for Mickey, that I’m sure a lot of people relate to, and it is sort of the greatest tragedy of the character, is how he is deeply in the closet and he feels that he can’t embrace his own self and also this beautiful love because of this situation that he’s in; a traumatic home life, specifically an abusive father, and also an environment that doesn’t allow him to be what he wants to be. I guess the message that I do hope that people who are relating to that get is that there are places where you can be accepted and there are better options for you, and sometimes that takes time, but as cliched as it is, it does get better. So hopefully people are able to find these safe environments for themselves to be able to improve the quality of life and to get better situations. I hope that people find hope in the story ultimately.

Another relationship of Ian’s that I have to discuss is his relationship with the whole Gallagher family; that was a focus of the series since day one. What was your favorite part of their dynamic and playing off that?

Obviously, the chaos of the family is always really fun to play. We had these scenes that were kind of an amazing balancing act of like 8 or 9 people in a scene, all messing around with these different storylines that are bouncing off of each other, intertwining, and you have this really biting sharp satirical dialogue that all had a very specific rhythm to it and was a sort of flow that was established early in the show that was kind of kept across the entire series; one that was a genuine joy as a performer to play. But I think that specifically the relationship that I’ve always been a fan of and I love from the start, is probably– it’s definitely one of my favorite relationships on the show– was the relationship between Ian and Lip.

There’s not a lot of depictions of brotherhood and intimacy between men that are deeply sensitive, close, and uncomplicated. Those are definitely scenes that I felt very personally moved by, of two brothers who have just had a world of shit, a lot of complicated and messed up things that have been dropped on their heads that they’ve been dealing with for the entirety of their lives, but they’ve sort of made a pact that they were just gonna be there for each other no matter what. If they weren’t there for each other, who knows if they would have survived. I think that there’s something really amazing about those scenes in that they’re just very open with each other, and that’s something that’s established right from the start and was kind of one of those key relationships for the show that survived until the very last episode and that I’m very proud of, cause I do think that those are some of my personal favorite scenes of the show.

Here’s a fun three-part question: most challenging, fun, and insane storyline for you as an actor?

Most challenging would probably have to be… we reached a point in the series around season 8 and they were trying to contextualize the characters in a modern way, put them into new circumstances, but try to retain what the characters were, but they’ve moved a lot from where they originally were. We were at a point where we were getting so many new writers onto the series, and the show I feel struggled for a second, which happens with any series that’s been on for a while. It felt like there was a point where they didn’t know what they wanted to do with Ian. There were a couple of episodes where I was kind of looking at the story and being like, “What are we doing here? It doesn’t really feel like anything is happening with him and we’re kind of floating across these relationships.” I wasn’t sure what we were trying to say, but that being said, that is kind of true to life, to a certain degree, where we do find ourselves sometimes in these ruts where we don’t know what we’re doing with our relationships, our lives, and ourselves. There is a little bit of a struggle there and that is kind of real to a certain degree, and I do think having those episodes make when they started finding the way with the character and relationships again, kind of more satisfying cause he sort of loses his way and he comes back. So it was kind of a challenge, but I think it all worked out ultimately.

Craziest would have to be… so this is one that no one would even know is like a thing really, no one would even think of it as a thing, but the scene in the pilot episode, Lip and Ian jump out of like a window and they run out of a house to escape an angry parent, right? And they’re kind of running in a rush. So they run out in their socks, down the street, and it’s the middle of January in Chicago and the streets are covered in mud, water, and ice. I think it’s the first time I’ve ever felt in my life that I actually thought my feet were going to like fall off. I thought we were going to have to amputate a toe because of frostbite. We did the scene a bunch of times, and because Jeremy and I were young, we were just sort of trying to be tough, just like, “Yeah, whatever, it’s not a problem. We can do this over and over, not a big deal.” Then I definitely learned a lesson of like, when something is a problem, you have to say, it’s a problem.

Most fun… I don’t know if I can distill it to just one scene. I think the most fun was just getting to interact with all of the wildly different personalities of our show, and just kind of get to sit around and hang out with everyone. There were times that we would just be laughing so hard that one of us would start and we just end up crying, laughing. Usually, it was because of Howey cracking jokes or something like that, but it could be just the dumbest to smallest thing, but it’s the kind of thing when you become so comfortable with people, it just starts to happen. Sometimes it was just the downtime and these little small kind of boring or mundane moments that really ended up being some of my favorite experiences.

Did you take anything from the set at all?

I did. So in the final season, there’s a storyline where Frank steals Nighthawks, the Edward Hopper painting, and that was actually done in cooperation with the Art Institute of Chicago and the Edward Hopper estate. They did these really high-resolution prints of it that were then painted over by hand, and they even took pictures of the back and mimicked the way that the canvas wrapped over, the small writing, and everything. It’s a pretty damn good forgery of Nighthawks. So I stole one of those and that’s hanging up in my living room. I also stole one of the mugs cause in the show we’re always having breakfast and drinking coffee, so there are these rooster mugs and I stole one of those.

Since you’re talking to The Nerds of Color, I have to ask you about Star Wars and Gotham. What stood out to you about Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order compared to your other work, and what did it mean to you to join that iconic universe?

I mean, what stood out pretty quickly was that it had a tone all of its own. Star Wars is a very specific tone. It has sort of its own language, pacing, style, and rhythm; there’s something very specific about it, something that I’m a big fan of. I grew up watching the Star Wars movies and that was definitely… you know, anytime that you’re jumping onto something with an active and passionate fanbase it’s going to be slightly intimidating. There’s no way around that. Thankfully, I’ve at this point done enough projects with really passionate fanbases to kind of understand what that entails, which is that there’s going to be a lot of opinions. A lot of people are really excited about things and no matter what, even the smallest things, someone’s going to be very, very angry about it. That comes along with the territory, but that’s kind of fun to a certain degree; it’s fun to hear such minutiae and being examined, and these conversations are ones that are being had on set too.

There’s so much conversation between the Lucasfilm story group, Respawn, and EA, who are the production companies behind the game, and also the cast, directors, and everybody involved are sometimes discussing, “How does a person stand? How does one get onto a speeder bike? What kind of sound does this monster make?” And there’s always a genuine deference and respect to the series. We know how much people care about it. We know because we care about it a lot, and everyone on this project are huge fans of the source material. So that was exciting to be a part of, obviously; I mean, that should go without saying. It’s so freaking cool to be a Jedi and to be the face of this massive franchise, and to be able to not only be a part of a really well-known property and part of this large project but also to be able to tell an interesting and intimate story within it. For as bombastic as all of the action is, and as big as the Star Wars universe is, I feel the story of Cal Kestis and the people that he interacts with is a somewhat smaller one and a more intimate one. It’s ultimately, at least for me, a pretty emotionally resonant one and a story that I actually very much care about and relate to. I think that was probably the most exciting part about it, was being able to within the framework of this big machinery of what Star Wars is, still tell a story that might actually affect people and make them feel things, I think was just really cool.

Could you describe how it felt to take on the role of the Joker?

Exciting, intimidating, an honor, and challenging; it’s a role that I didn’t take lightly. I understood what it was, which is that a lot of the people who were seeing me in the role had never heard of me and didn’t know who I was, and it was a way to prove myself and to show off my take of what I could do with this. It was really cool too with that show that we were getting to do something that had never really been done before with the character, which is to show multiple versions and possibilities of what that character could be, and to kind of tip our hat to some of the famous stories that came before, and then kind of give a unique spin and show off some new things with it as well.

Obviously, that show was heightened to a certain degree and kind of existed in this wacky over-the-top violent, but also slightly cartoony universe that was kind of its own little thing. That was really fun to play around with it and to totally get to do something kind of different with that, something that we hadn’t seen before. But I think it was specifically really intimidating because, at that point of casting when I performed the episode in the first season of that show, no one had played the role since Heath Ledger had posthumously won the Oscar for the role. So the only people who had touched it in live-action had been Jack Nicholson and Heath Ledger, which are just massive, massive shoes to fill and two people that I deeply admired. Again, it’s just sort of a case of respect and wanting to kind of come in, just do my absolute best with the material, and to try to pay a certain level of honor to the people that came before.

Anything you can tease about what you’re going to do next? Any future projects?

Absolutely. It’s always difficult with this stuff because there’s only so much you can say. I can say that I just shot a film that hasn’t been announced yet, but I was out of town shooting it for a while. It’s the starring role in the film, and that will come out to theaters in the near future. I’m also working on another project over the course of the next year that I will be working on and off for. Again, thanks to the joys of NDAs, I can’t actually say what it is. I have a movie that I will be doing in June and then also I’m starting to move a bit behind the camera as well. So I’m working on producing and starring in a feature in August or September. And I’m writing a couple of projects right now as well. So it’s a loaded year for the next year, but it’s all very exciting that’s happening.

#LOVED THIS #cameron monaghan #shameless #shameless us #ian gallagher #gallavich #noel fisher #mickey milkovich #jerome valeska #the joker #gotham #jeremiah valeska #mr j #cal kestis #jedi fallen order #star wars

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philhoffman · 2 years

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“There was just so damn much of him. Actor was just one facet. There was so much to the man. How to describe him without mere words making him less. What would he like people to know that isn’t on film? Very little.

Phil played many sophisticated and effeminate parts, yet in many ways he saw himself as a jock wrestler from upstate New York. As an artistic director of LAByrinth Theater Company he sparked and nurtured literally hundreds of plays that would not exist right now had it not been for Phil. There was his note that got to the heart of things and his smile that told you he believed in you though failure was possible, sometimes inevitable and okay. And then a word of encouragement and the bear hug. His bear hug. Any of us would trade a thousand film roles for just one more.

Phil was the most compassionate non-judgmental man I have ever met. He was a practitioner of the rarest most esoteric art in the world the sincere, non-coerced and generous apology. He told me once how he was troubled over how rude he once was to one of his high school teachers. Years later he found her and apologised for his teenaged behaviour. Of course she said it was fine and dismissed it as nothing. But Phil would never allow a sincere moment to be reduced to a superficial nicety. He looked her in the eyes. ‘It wasn’t nothing. I want you to know how very very sorry I am.’

The ferocity of his love for his children could only be expressed in an opera or something written by the Greeks, before irony, or in an ancient Vedic poem when love shredded mountains and created worlds. The gaze of Philip Seymour Hoffman. To look directly into his eyes. Though that’s already a flawed way of putting it because when Phil looked you in the eye what you were seeing became secondary to the overwhelming force of how you were being seen. Like a sun that emanated truth instead of light. Relentless and warming. Other actors, writers, directors. They didn’t just bathe in it. It brought out the truth in them. He demanded it. I saw Phil in his first professional theatre role. A production of King Lear at a small theatre in the middle of New Jersey. Phil played Edgar. And in one scene he was buck naked. I enjoyed teasing him about that. I thought we made eye contact that night. And like so many in the audience, I felt like I was the naked one.

The gaze of Philip Seymour Hoffman. I don’t remember if in any of his films Phil ever looks directly into camera. But then the audience would get a taste of the limitlessness of the man. And yet again and again Phil created such limited, deeply flawed characters each of whom were also limitless. Yet their limitlessness was a mere fragment of Phil’s. A fragment he polished and gave life. Then gave to us. A piece of flawed, beautiful absolutely complete humanity taken from his overabundance. An eternity within an eternity.”

-David Bar Katz, 2014. Pictured with PSH in 2011, a photo Phil liked of himself.

#truth instead of light relentless and warming #a stunning collapsed star #philip seymour hoffman #psh #*#words #i miss you in a way that spreads #and aches and never ends #gd.

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link4eva · 3 years

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Kiro’s Mind’s Quest: Infatuation Play Translation Part 2 [CN]

Hey! Here’s Part 2 of Infatuation Play. Here is Part 1 if you haven’t read it yet.

Enjoy~ 💛

*Spoilers for future content below!*

[Chapter 4]

MC: It seems I’ve put too much salt in the seasoning….

MC: If it’s salty…. add more water!

Kiro: Haha.

Kiro was amused by what I said, and he shook off a piece of beef and tasted it.

Kiro: Good to eat!

Kiro also gave me a piece, the evening light leaked in from the window, reflecting a small layer of fluff on his face.

In the steam, the spicy and delicious smell seemed to dispel the previously unremarkable smell in the house.

I took a sip of soda and brought up the topic from before. *Changed some wording*

MC: By the way, in addition to encountering the big challenge of an actor’s career, filming NG….

MC: Is there anything else that left an impression on you?

Kiro looked down and thought about it seriously.

Kiro: Does scaring a crying kid count?

MC: Of course!

Kiro smiled when he saw the eagerness on my face to hear the story.

Kiro: This scene is also related to entering the character state.

Kiro: In order to maintain this state, I kept myself bored in the hotel room for a long time….

Kiro: Probably because of my routine, no one reminded me.

Kiro: Later, I didn’t know the exact time anymore. When I came out, I felt that I had been in the dark for a long time.

Kiro: I realized that I was a bit too immersed, so I went to buy a bottle of soda to take a break.

Kiro: Then I met a kid in the crew…. I didn’t do anything, he just saw me and then cried.

Kiro’s voice was very low, and the hot pot gurgled.

I think of Kiro’s immersive performance on the screen, and then I dig a little deeper into what he said just now-- *Changed some wording*

It was as if he had a bitter fruit in his heart, and he desperately wanted to hide it from me. The more bitter it was, the stronger the taste.

In the end, the fruit still found its way into my heart.

I sniffed and couldn’t help joking.

MC: From another perspective, that kid got to watch a scene for free.

Kiro raised his eyes, and I continued with a smile.

MC: I want to watch the exclusive performance of the big star Kiro too!

MC: Thinking about it this way, I feel a little jealous.

I took his hand and his fingertips quivered slightly.

Kiro: Don’t you think I’m not doing well enough? As a professional actor, I shouldn’t be in this situation.

I shook my head.

MC: Remember, you asked me before if there was anything interesting about this business trip.

MC: In fact, in the city where I was on business, there would be lively gatherings at night on the street next to the hotel.

MC: Looking down from the balcony, there are clusters of lights, and everyone sits on the steps and chats casually.

MC: When I saw it, I was thinking, “I must bring Kiro here next time. He will love the sparkling cider here.”

I looked at Kiro brightly. He seemed to be imagining the scene I described with slight waves in his eyes.

MC: I want to share with you all the good and bad, brilliant and lonely times.

MC: You can be imperfect, you can have lonely and dark moments because I will be with you.

MC: We share each other’s lives. No matter what life it is, as long as we experience it together, it is enough.

Those blue eyes staring at me seemed to be lit by some kind of warm light for a moment, filled with soft emotions.

I paused and asked him softly.

MC: I remember that every time you acted in a play, you would bid farewell to them at the end.

MC: You said that you were lucky to participate in a period of their lives and experienced their emotions.

MC: So in the end, you have to bid farewell to the partners you have been working with….

MC: Looking forward to another time and space, they will continue their lives.

MC: Did you say goodbye this time?

Kiro looked at me and suddenly reached out and wiped the oil stains on my lips.

The boiling of the hot pot sounded and there seemed to be some fragments of emotions in his eyes that had melted silently.

He paused, turned his head and raised the bear cup on the table. He raised it in the air, the emotions in his eyes were clear and calm.

Kiro: Americano is still too bitter, I prefer to drink soda.

Kiro: The hot pot made by Miss Chips is delicious. As long as you are with her, even the little things like walking your dog to the supermarket are worth remembering.

His gaze flickered over the neatly coded script on the sofa, and there was a sense of relief in his voice.

Kiro: What you didn’t find, I did.

Kiro: In the time and space I don’t know, you will definitely find what you want, and come back to shine on the stage again.

Kiro: Now, it’s time to say goodbye to you.

The starry sky is gentle, and the steam from the hot pot rises, almost like a response. The wind blows the curtains and the room is full of starlight. *Changed some wording*

We are both covered.

(Cut to the living room)

MC: What’s going on with Cello lately? She seems to be more irritable.

MC: Not only did she knock over the sunflower vase in the living room, but also bit her tail….

I pet Cello who was being held in Kiro’s arms and spoke tentatively.

It is said that the mood of pets will be influenced by the owner. Is Cello….?

Kiro looked away with a guilty conscience.

Kiro: Maybe it’s because the season makes everyone more irritable.

Kiro: [coughs] Just leave her be, save the sunflower first.

He found a new vase in the cabinet and handed it to me. I trimmed the sunflower’s branched and leaves that had been bitten by Cello.

Kiro sat cross-legged across from me and stared at me without blinking. I was a little embarrassed to be stared at.

MC: What are you looking at?

Kiro tilted his head at me and his blond hair swayed slightly. It was obviously a naughty action, but the smile in his eyes was very gentle.

Kiro: Of course I was looking at Miss Chips.

Kiro: Looking at your actions, expressions, the flower in your hand, and….

Kiro’s tone was stretched out and I followed his gaze to see the light-coloured hairband on the side of my head.

The soft end of the hairband slid down my neck and onto my skin.

MC: KI-RO!

I blushed for a moment and when I was hurriedly trying to retie my hairband, my hand was suddenly grabbed.

I looked up and under the frivolity of the sun, I didn’t know when Kiro got so close to me that I could see the creases on his lips.

His gaze fell on the end of my hair. He tucked the hairband lightly and winked at me.

Kiro: Miss Chips, let me help you.

Without waiting for my answer, he took a strand of my hair and maneuvered his hands dexterously, rubbing my earlobes with his fingertips which caused a burst of scorching heat.

The hairband is like a streamer that can be held in his hand, and he is the creator of beauty.

The mood is changing silently at this moment as we stay so close. *Changed some wording*

No matter how difficult the moments we encounter are, they will definitely be healed in the accompanying time.

After a while, Kiro held my face and looked at it with satisfaction.

Kiro: That’s it.

I reached up to touch the hairband and couldn’t help but smile. *Changed some wording*

MC: You even tied a small bow!

Kiro: Of course, this is the exclusive mark of Kiro.

Kiro picked up the end of the hairband and looked down at me tenderly. His blue eyes were like a vast and boundless sea and I willingly indulged in it.

(Cut to morning)

The morning light was in the room and the sound of the phone vibrating awakened me from my sleep. I picked up the phone and pressed the answer button.

MC: Kiki? What’s wrong?

Kiki: Boss, the project you flew abroad to talk about has passed!

Kiki: Anna received the letter of intent last night, and the person in charge there said that he hoped the date of the contract signing could be confirmed today.

Kiki: Where are you now? Come and visit the company!

MC: Okay, I’ll be there.

I hung up and turned my head, Kiro’s sleeping face came into view.

He seems to be having a good sleep and his lips are slightly upturned, he looks particularly meek. *Changed some wording*

MC: ….

It looks like he is still a little sick. *Changed some wording*

The lack of sleep made my brain work a little slow, so I shook my head in an attempt to wake myself up a bit.

Just as I was hesitating whether to go, Kiro woke up with a hint of sleepiness in his eyes. He was startled when he saw my neatly dressed look.

Kiro: [cute sleepy voice] Is something happening at the company?

(If you pick “No”)

Seeing Kiro’s still pale cheeks, I shook my head and smiled at him.

MC: Nothing, I was just talking to Kiki.

But Kiro looked at me and suddenly smiled.

Kiro: Miss Chips, you should go do more important things first.

Kiro: I will wait here for you to come back.

Seeing him look at me quietly, I nodded gently.

(If you pick “yes”)

I was conflicted for a moment and then nodded honestly.

MC: There is a little situation that needs to be dealt with, but….

Before I finished speaking, I saw Kiro stretch out lazily with a slight smile in his tone.

Kiro: I will wait for your return.

He looked no different from what I was familiar with. I hesitated for a moment and finally nodded gently.

[Memory Silhouette]

MC: Hahahahahaha! This episode is so funny!

I laughed so much that my cheeks hurt and I had to lean against Kiro’s arms. He opened his arms and caged me in them.

Kiro: Is the way I eat mustard so funny?

I lifted my head and looked at him as he asked me.

The sun was shining on us warmly through the French windows, Kiro’s milk fragrance also wrapped around the tip of my nose. I couldn’t help but squeeze his cheek with my hand.

MC: No, but I like it.

MC: Didn’t someone say that if there is a person who can keep you smiling, then he must be an important presence in your life.

MC: You make me laugh without even thinking about it, your existence turns cloudy days into sunny ones. *Changed some wording*

As if he had accepted my theory, Kiro no longer struggled with his expression about the variety show, so he clicked the button to continue playing.

Kiro: Okay, I agree with Miss Chips.

This variety show has Kiro as a guest appearance. When he participated in the show, he had not yet joined the cast to make a movie. The show was as bright as a little sun.

In the space between the advertisements, I quickly glanced sideways at the person next to me.

Over the past few days, I can feel his gradual relaxation.

It’s not that I’m always vigilant, telling myself that I have to be happy in front of him, but because when I’m with him, I can relax and smile.

I liked this relaxed and soft Kiro.

MC: But speaking of it, in this variety show, I see you in a way that I don’t usually see.

MC: Planting seedlings, bargaining with the owner of a small shop, and making mosquitos nests by yourself.

MC: So Kiro turned out to be a secret master of life?

MC: So when I was making homemade cranberry cupcakes, a certain superstar asked me to teach him how to beat the egg yolks?

After being questioned, Kiro gave a cheeky “um”.

Kiro: That’s because, in the cast, I need to play the image of SuperHero. This is my job.

Kiro: But in front of Miss Chips, I can be willful and not so perfect, can’t I? *Changed some wording*

He looked at me with a smile in his eyes, like an afternoon orange soda full of refreshing taste.

MC: You said that…. I can’t refute it.

Although I said that, I couldn’t help but laugh.

MC: But two people mixing the egg yolk batter together is always more interesting than doing it alone.

There was constant laughter on screen. I looked at Kiro who was always smiling on the screen and couldn’t help but lean into his arms.

His chin rested on my shoulder from behind and his warm breath brushed my neck.

It’s always a good time to need each other and be together. *Changed some wording*

MC: Next time, teach me how to make a mosquito net.

MC: Maybe in the future when we go on a trip, it will be useful.

Kiro: Okay, let’s make a big and beautiful mosquito net.

MC: Huh? Why does it have to be so big?

Kiro: It can be used as an open-air tent. If you watch the stars at night, you don’t have to worry about being bitten by bugs.

I couldn’t help being amused by Kiro’s serious tone.

MC: Okay, let’s do it together.

Time is moving slowly and quietly, walking forward with a lazy pace. The lazy rest is close to the not-so-perfect Kiro.

Put together a cupcake with a honey-flavoured centre. *Changed some wording*

[Chapter 5]

When I had walked halfway towards the company, I decided to pull out my phone and call Kiki.

MC: Kiki, there are some things on my end that I can’t get away from. You can help me with the people from the other company and change the meeting to a virtual one.

MC: The contract has been sorted out, I will send it to them later. You are responsible for monitoring the online meeting.

Kiki: Mhhm, okay. Sounds good, boss.

After temporarily solving the company’s problems, I returned to Kiro’s house.

In order to avoid disturbing Kiro, who might still be asleep, I opened the door very quietly.

But when I entered through the door, I saw Kiro sitting cross-legged on the floor with his back facing me.

Kiro: Cello, don’t move.

A cat’s tail came out from his side, swinging back and forth uncomfortably, but was caught by Kiro in the next second.

Kiro: A few days ago, I didn’t play with you, which made you unhappy with me.

He was talking to himself, then sighed slightly.

Kiro: From now on I will play with you every day, but you are not allowed to bite your tail.

Kiro: If you bite your tail bald again, I will confiscate your dried fish!

Hearing what he said, I couldn’t help but laugh.

Kiro turned around when he heard the sound and when I saw Cello resting in his arms, I opened my eyes wide.

MC: You made a small flower for her bald spot.

A small flower made of pink wool is tied around Cello’s tail, which was probably taken from Kiro’s clothes. It covered most of the bald spot.

Kiro: Miss Chips, why are you back so soon?

Kiro was a little taken back, but because of my presence, there was an unconcealed smile in his eyes.

As I walked to Kiro’s side, I creased my eyes and opened my mouth.

MC: Because the witty Miss Chips changed the meeting to an online one, if it is synchronized with the time abroad, it will not start until the evening.

Kiro touched his chin thoughtfully.

Kiro: In other words, before the meeting, you still have a lot of time alone with me.

MC: You can think of it like that.

Suddenly I saw the familiar sly smile in his eyes. I was stunned for a second as I realized something and then took a step back cautiously.

Kiro smiled innocently and brilliantly.

Kiro: Miss Chips can’t run away, you came back to me by “getting caught” by my net. *Changed some wording*

In the next second, he hugged my waist and his presence hit me overwhelmingly.

Cello jumped to the ground, licked her paws, and curiously tilted her head to look at everything in front of her.

Kiro led me to the sofa where I sat in his arms, my heartbeat still a little fast.

Kiro chuckled.

Kiro: Why does Miss Chips look like as if I’m going to do something bad?

His palm touched my bare back, arousing a shudder.

He looked down at me, but there was nothing else in his eyes other than like.

I think of his unusual moments these past few days and my heart can’t help but feel moved.

The next second, I reached out and hooked my arms around Kiro’s neck. Kiro looked at me in a daze.

MC: Kiro, all the things that happen to you, I want to be the first person to share them with you.

I paused.

MC: Just as happiness and sadness are all the flavours of life we must experience;

MC: I want to be together in those bleak moments that must be experienced.

MC: Because--friction generates heat.

MC: So next time if you feel empty, let me stay with you.

MC: Let me fill your time.

Kiro’s eyes seemed to have a small sparkle of light in them after hearing my words.

After a while, I was pulled by Kiro and fell back into his arms.

Following his movements, my bag fell to the ground and a clear sound rang out. Kiro turned his head and glanced, leaning over and picking up a lipstick.

I reached out to take the lipstick, but Kiro grabbed my wrist.

He looked at me and suddenly put some on his lips slowly.

In the small and charming space, all his movements seemed to be slow and carefully planned, which made me suddenly think of the fragments I saw in the lens.

Kiro: While eating hot pot, Miss Chips said that she regretted not being able to see my exclusive performance.

He paused for a moment and gave a grin.

Kiro: Well now you can.

He raised his hand and the hot red in his palm brushed my hair and then letting it fall onto my back, bringing the smell of spices.

It’s like a light kiss.

I stiffened for a moment, only to feel that the spot touched by him was burning like fire, making me want to get closer.

MC: Kiro….

I muttered Kiro’s name softly. As if receiving some kind of response, he suddenly took my hand.

Then he lowered his head slightly and pressed his warm lips to my wrist.

Kiro: I’m here.

There was a warm touch from his skin and Kiro’s lips were still pressed against my wrist, but he lifted his eyes to look at me.

I blushed suddenly and wanted to lower my head and look away. The next second, I was firmly grasped with his other hand.

He held my hand and guided my fingertips past his lips.

His look was seductive, like a fairy falling into the world, unknowingly attracting me.

But perhaps, he knew it.

Kiro: Now I am sure that you have filled the most precious time in my world.

His blue eyes are as gentle as the sea and there is only a small me inside of them.

He looked at me and got closer, hot breath fell on the side of my neck accompanied by a soft voice.

Kiro: In fact, there have always been many temptations and difficulties on the way to becoming an actor.

Kiro: It’s a small boat called “Kiro”, sailing on the waves of the world. He often encounters danger, gets injured, and breaks.

The soft touch lingers from the side of my neck to my earlobe, and the breathy whispers fall on my ears very affectionately.

Kiro: But this one person, she found the boat on the boundless sea and repaired his damages.

Kiro: She then stayed on the boat and sailed the world with him to see glaciers and lakes.

Kiro: This person is called Miss Chips, and she is-- the beacon that guides me through the world.

His voice is like falling petals; quiet and soft with the ultimate sincerity. *Changed some wording*

Kiro: In the play, Kiro’s emotions belong to the stage.

Kiro: But Kiro outside the play, his world, everything about him belongs to you.

The scorching temperature left my neck and he looked at me earnestly with undisguised emotions in his eyes, like the surging ocean tides.

I couldn’t help but hug his neck back.

MC: Kiro, you made me the best Miss Chips in the world.

MC: Let’s go to farther places together, see glacial lakes, and sail the world together….

MC: Nothing can make me leave your side.

The sunflower grows enthusiastically and his golden hair is soft and brilliant. The world is flourishing and beautiful, just like himself.

If I were Kiro’s beacon for sailing the world, then let me be that tower that illuminates him.

Because-- he is also the most indispensable part of my world.

End

#mlqc #mlqc spoilers #mr love queens choice #mr love #mr love game #mr love dream date #mldd #mr love kiro #mlqc kiro #mldd kiro #周棋洛 #date translation #IM SO PROUD OF MC!!

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mah-gah-lee · 3 years

Text

You’re such a bitch - (Charlie Gillespie x reader)

Word Count: 2486 Request: no, again @jatpsmut inspired me with his fic “What Happens in Hawaii Stays in Hawaii - Charlie Gillespie x Reader (SMUT - 18+)”. I asked her if I could use the Hawaii idea and now I am writing this!

However, some details change from the original fic:

“Charlie and y/n haven't been best friends since they were kids, but from the first season of jatp. y/n is an additional actor on Julie and the Phantoms, also a dancer. Charlie didn't confess his feelings to y/n in Hawaii.

The only thing I got from the idea of @jatpsmut is the fact that something happened in Hawaii. So thank you to her for writing this incredible fic, without it this could not happen Summary: You and Charlie were best friends and roommates in LA. One evening, you heard it with a girl, the next morning, everything is awkward, bitchy and everything changes. Warnings: mention of sexual activities - language disclaimer: I don't know Charlie or his family personally or what his life is like. All you will read in this "x reader" is from my imagination. My point is not to invade Charlie's privacy. I don't want to offend him or offend anybody else in his life (family, potential girlfriend…). All of this is not the reality

Tagged: @asdfghjkl-fanfics @standingtalllove @lukeys-giggle @happinessinthedarkesttimes if you want to be tagged in my next fic let me know !

---

You try to focus on the TV show you were watching, but obviously your roommate had company. And that company was way too loud in your opinion. You were rolling your eyes in annoyance when suddenly your phone vibrates, displaying the blonde head of your second best friend. If there was one thing you miss since you came back to live to Los Angeles, it was obviously living with this sarcastic character. Vancouver seemed so far away to you. You picked up your phone and Owen's face appeared.

“Hi sweetie.” Owen told you with a smile “Oh, hey… Why that face?” he clearly noticed your annoyance. "Hi O." you said before complaining "Ugh, I miss living with you in Vancouver so much" "Yeah me too. We had so much fun. But hey, I'm sure we'll have a season two." "I hope so much"

You were an extra cast member on Julie and the Phantoms, you also were a dancer on the first season, just as Tori. You wished so much Owen was right about Jatp season 2 renew but Netflix seemed to enjoy making you patient. But the coronavirus had also literally messed up all your plans. However, you were angry, some series came out long after yours and got renewed while yours stayed on hold. It was clear that fans of the series as much as you were just waiting for the renewal of season two.

A moan came out of Charlie's bedroom with the sound of a bouncing mattress, you rolled your eyes again, groaning with a sort of anger.

"Jesus Christ ..." you complained "Wait, y/n, what's that sound?" “You know what I miss most about living with you in Vancouver O’? Rule #3. " “Rule #3? Rule #3" he seemed to think about what you said when he finally realized "Oh ... Oh! Rule #3! Wait.. Oh my God! Is Charlie being with a chick right now? ” He asked you with stupefaction. "Oh I wish you were wrong"

A laugh came out from you best friend mouth and you gave him a killer look through the screen, making him laugh harder. When you were in Vancouver, living with two boys forced you to set limits and rules for living. The first was; everyone cleans up their own mess. Second, the housework takes turns. Third rule: no one-night stand allowed in the flat. Surprisingly as it may seem, this rule had been followed very well by everyone. But at the same time, the boys' schedules really didn't make time to bring anyone home, and then after all, they were professional. But as soon as Charlie returned from his parents' quarantine, he forgot the existence of this rule, as if it did not apply to Los Angeles. It wasn't like he brought a different girl home every night, or even every month. It might have been the second or third time since you had moved in. But this situation embarrassed you more than you might have thought.

“Owen, don't make fun of me. I've been hearing them for about an hour now. " "Poor you. Now you understand how I felt in Hawaii" he smirked at you. "Wait, what did you say?" you asked him, in shocked. "Oh please y/n ... you heard me clearly"

Of course, you had heard what he said, but you were in shock at the revelation, so you needed confirmation. This story was supposed to be a secret between you and Charlie. The fact that Owen mentioned it could only assume two things.

"Did you hear us in Hawaii?" “I was in the room next door! Of course, I heard you. It's not like you and Charlie are the quietest couple ever having sex ... " "It seems Charlie is the loudest one…" you said, referring to your best friend having sex in the next bedroom. "Oh darling please, I can remind you of what you said that night. You two gave me nightmares." "Please don't. I feel so embarrassed right now"

Last year you went to Hawaii with several cast members and Kenny. A booking error forced you to share a bed with Charlie. It seemed that sleeping with a girl seemed more adequate than two boys sleeping in the same bed. Charlie and Owen had avoided that possibility the second the problem had arisen. One thing leading to another, after a few strong cocktails, you and the dark-haired boy had ended up having a horny night. The shame caused the next day made you both never talk about it again and "what happened in Hawaii will stay in Hawaii". You didn’t know that Owen heard you and it seems that boy can keep a secret for so long now.

The problem was that that night you realized that you felt more than an attraction to your roommate. It went beyond friendship or mere sexual tension at the sight of this Canadian. You wanted every aspect of what you might have experienced with Charlie and more: the laughs, the funny times, the lots of talking, the quiet times watching a movie or just playing Nintendo Switch, the sex. But you also wanted the PDAs, the feelings, just being with him like his girlfriend. But the actor was totally oblivious to your feelings for him, and you didn't even want to try to make him understand it on his own. You just created a shell for yourself and buried your feelings deep within yourself.

“I don’t understand y/n. Why didn’t you tell him your feeling?” “Because I know he doesn’t love me back, O.” “Oh come on! You two are the most stubborn people I ever met!”

Again, for the third time tonight, you've rolled your eyes. You were pretty sure Charlie didn't feel the same way you did. Since Hawaii, neither of you had stepped forward towards each other, but sometimes your behaviors showed that you were more than friends. Another moan was heard from Charlie’s room and Owen's face on the screen was memorable. His eyes were wide and his cheeks were red.

"Okay, y/n. I'm sorry but I don't want to keep talking to you and hear my other best friend hooking up at the same time ..."

You laughed and he hung up the phone not forgetting to say goodbye. You tried to focus on your screen again, your headphones being way too far away for you to catch them. Minutes later you finally heard the distinctive sound of Charlie's orgasm and knew you were finally going to be able to sleep.

…

The next morning you woke up with a high level of fatigue. You casually walk to the kitchen to make coffee. While you were pouring yourself a cup of this much-desired black liquid, a person entered the kitchen.

"Who the fuck are you?"

You raised an eyebrow, bringing your mug to your lips. The girl looked at you with a disgusted face.

"Roommate, darling. Not nice to meet you." "Why the hell are you wearing his shirt?"

A smirk appears on your lips, far too happy that she asked the question. When you were in Vancouver, it wasn't surprising to see you wearing the boys' t-shirts, although you had a preference for Charlie's, there were times when you wore Owen's. The boys never complained about this mania and you had to continue when you moved to Los Angeles with Charlie. The scene was pretty funny, you were there drinking your coffee in a t-shirt borrowed from your roommate while his conquest from last night stared at you in disgust, decked out in another Charlie t-shirt. You took a look at the Looney Tunes t-shirt you were wearing and just shrug your shoulders.

“Old habits.” You simply said. "Yeah, you're gonna have to break this habit."

You laughed disdainfully. You didn't like this girl. Not because it was the conquest of your best friend for whom you had blatant romantic feelings. But rather because she had this condescension and believed that spending a night with Charlie gave her every right.

"What makes you think that, sweetie?"

You leaned against the kitchen counter, your posture offhand, a smirk on your lips. You weren't used to being such a bitch, but the girl in front of you pissed you off. And it was only nine in the morning.

"Well, hello, I spent the night with Charlie." "Oh yeah sure, but that doesn't mean you're dating him." "Charlie is a great guy"

She wasn't wrong. Charlie wasn't heartbroken but he was still human and a twenty-two-year-old boy. Just looking at her you knew your best friend hadn't chosen her for a serious relationship with her. The little conversation you were having with her now confirmed that he couldn't date her. Another smirk spread across your lips as she looked at you with disdain again.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You are nowhere near his level" she said to you

This time, you couldn't help but laugh sarcastically. Yeah, she really pissed you off. Physically, she was everything Charlie didn't like about a potential girlfriend: big breasts, much bigger than him, slightly shallow. Oh but she had a fucking ass and maybe that was why he had chosen her. Her whole body reflected Charlie's choice for a one-night stand, but not the ideal girlfriend.

"Oh honey, I'm nobody, but neither are you. Listen. You were just a one-night stand and me? Me, I'll still be here in his apartment with his t-shirts on when he brings you home, telling you that it was cool but that it will not go further. I will always be there ... "

Charlie woke up and headed straight for the kitchen. He greeted her conquest with a nod, giving her a hello. Instinctively, he approached you and put his hand on your waist before placing a soft kiss on your cheek. Charlie was tactile, it was his language of love. You couldn't help but smirk at the girl, giving her a victorious look. The actor looked at your outfit and a smile appeared on his lips.

"So that's where it was! I thought I lost it in the Galapagos." he was referring to his looney tunes t-shirt

Your attention fell on Charlie and you smiled happily at him. You cheekily handed your cup of coffee.

"Coffee?" "Hell, yeah"

He grabbed your cup and took a long sip, leaving his conquest almost nonexistent to his eyes. The girl was so pissed off that she seemed to be boiling. She cleared her throat, annoyed.

"Hmm, I'm going to go" she said. "Oh wait, let me have lunch and I'll bring you back if you want." "It won't be necessary."

You bit the tip of your tongue, amused, far too happy to hide it. Charlie's conquest returned to his room to get dressed. Your roommate turned to you and gave you a questioning look.

"y/n, what did you do?" "Nothing. We were happily getting know each other. I'm surprised at your choice, by the way" "Are you getting revenge?" "Get revenge for what?" "Since ... Hawaii, you've scared all the girls I've brought back." "Did I scare them? Stop, I haven't acted any differently than usual." “You scared them away,” he repeated. "Oh come on, Charlie, please, it's not like you're going to date them."

He pulled away from you with a look of dismay. You were not wrong, he had never called back the girls he had brought back here, he did not intend to call back the one who was currently in his room. In fact, the only person he really wanted to spend time with was you. But since Hawaii, you seemed to be okay with never mentioning your night together again. This Canadian boy has been in love with you for months, maybe even years now. It quickly fell for you when you were in Vancouver.

"You're right. But I could have ..." he finally confessed "It's wrong. You know it's wrong Charlie, I know you, I'm your best friend. These are not the kind of girls you date. "Yeah… I couldn't date any of them. They just aren't you." He said, his last sentence ending in a whisper before hastening to take a sip from your cup of coffee.

You were paralyzed. Did he really just say what you've been dreaming of hearing for months? Did he just drop it like a bomb, in the middle of a morning conversation between sips of coffee?

“Wait, what?” “Nothing” “It wasn’t nothing, Charlie, you said something” “Nothing important” he repeats “Did you just say that if you didn’t date those girls it’s because they weren’t me?” “You seems to hear voices” “Charlie, I’m not joking… Did you say that?!” “Maybe” “Oh fuck, you’re an idiot!” “I am a..”

You snatched the cup of coffee from her hands and hurriedly put it on the counter. Never mind about the stains on the floor, you will clean up later. You didn't want to miss a second of this possibility. You wrapped your arms around Charlie's neck before resting your lips on his. Your best friend seemed surprised at first so much but quickly relaxed and wrapped his own arms around your waist as your lips moved to give the kiss more tender. The situation was most strange and funny; you were kissing your best friend, running your fingers through his long brown hair. You had to admit that even though you had found him attractive with his Luke's look but you couldn't imagine Charlie without that impressive mass of hair. Luke had short hair, Charlie had long hair. End of the discussion.

So, you were kissing your roommate, making up for lost time while in his room, a girl he had fucked the night before gathered her things. Charlie's conquest stepped out to head for the exit. You broke the kiss making Charlie growl in protest.

"I'm not showing you where the door is." you said. "whore .." the chick whispered.

Charlie stepped away from you and brought his one-night stand to the door, apologizing. He wasn't that kind of boy to go from girl to girl and the circumstances were really strange. The girl left, not without forgetting to curse him. When Charlie walks into the kitchen, you were sitting on the counter, a smirk on your face.

"You're such a bitch y/n" “It's my revenge for keeping me awake last night.”

His gaze was sly, his smile was mischievous and you knew he was going to find a phrase worthy of the fucking boy he could be.

"I can keep you awake for a while if you want." “A date wouldn't be too complicated, Charlie. Please be a gentleman. "You can count on me"

He gave you a softer look and you wrapped your arms around his neck again before kissing him. Ultimately, not everything that happened in Hawaii has to be restricted to Hawaii.

#charlie gillespie #charles gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #jatp #jatp cast x reader #jatp fic #jatp cast imagine #owen patrick joyner #owen joyner #julie and the phantoms

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lucky-dreamfisher · 3 years

Text

Queer Subtext in The Illusion of Living - Part 5/5

It’s time to address the elephant in the room: Henry.

Joey tries very, very hard to ‘no homo’ his relationship with the man:

“His presence was helpful, I can happily admit, but his absence was even more so. Not having him at the studio ended up being one of the best things that could have happened to it. Of course, the funny thing is, I couldn't have not had him without having him in the first place. Just like you can't appreciate the light if you haven't spent time in the dark, so too does a person's absence become clear only if he has been around.” TIOL, page 154

“A letter from Henry. You might not think I'd keep such a thing, but I do. I have no ill will toward the man as you know. Him leaving, as I said, was the best thing that could have happened to the studio. His letter reminds me of that.” TIOL, page 218

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

The only hint we get regarding Joey’s true feelings for Henry is the following note by Nathan:

“NateA: Joey has always been a professional person, far more so in many ways than me. That is why this section of the book is so forgiving of the man who abandoned the studio he helped create. Joey can't help but see the good in people. That being said, as a good friend of Joey's, I know that Henry's departure was a great upheaval for him and a great personal betrayal. Joey never truly forgave Henry, and I don't think he should have felt obligated to. The fact that Joey is so gracious in this part of the book is a reflection of his incredible generosity in allowing Henry Stein to be stainless in the eyes of history. I think, had he lived longer, Joey might have in later years called it his greatest illusion.” TIOL, page 155

I’m very surprised by the harshness in Nathan’s tone here. Especially since Henry appears to believe that he and Joey have parted on good terms, and Joey admits that they have continued to exchange letters for a while after Henry’s departure. We’ve also seen Henry’s note to Joey in the game, and it comes across as warm and supportive:

It really doesn’t sound like anything ugly happened between him and Joey. So then why are both Joey and Nathan convinced that Henry is a monster?

While I can believe that Joey is pathetic enough to consider anyone who slights him his worst enemy, Nathan comes across as a more level-headed person. So for him to voice his approval for Joey’s petty grudge must mean that he knows something that we don’t. But what could it be?

Honestly, nothing else comes to mind except for romantic heartbreak. It’s the only thing that could justify a man holding such a deep grudge for so many years. This isn’t Joey’s first friendship that grew apart over the years - his army friends have moved on with their life as well. It’s a normal part of life and there’s nothing in TIOL that would suggest Joey is unable to cope with that. We also know that the studio did fine for quite some time after Henry’s departure, so it’s not like Henry left Joey deep in debt. Henry wasn’t even the only animator at the studio:

“When the studio opened I surrounded him with artists of all skill levels, and the Writing Department had its own de facto leader in Mr. Hemmings, and so the whole of Creative was well managed for that first year of the company before I had to part ways with Henry.“ TIOL, page 155

And so we’re left with only one rational explanation: that Joey isn’t so much hurt by Henry leaving his job, as by the fact that Henry left specifically for the sake of his marriage.

Try as I might, I found no reference to Linda in TIOL. Even though Joey claims to have been friends with Henry for many years, he makes zero mention of ever having met Linda. While there are some hints that Henry wasn’t yet married to her at the time when he and Joey opened the studio together (such as the fact that he claims he hasn’t seen her in “days” even though he presumably slept at home, implying that he and Linda weren’t living together at the time. A shopping list among his notes in the Handbook also suggests that he cooked his own meals, which would be unusual for a married man with a demanding job), the two were already a couple by then, and must have known each other for a while already. Surely, as Henry’s friend, Joey would have met her?

Even when talking about Henry leaving, Joey uses a cryptic language:

“Henry left for his own reasons, and the correspondence between us became less and less. To be honest, it was almost like a weight off when he left. He had grown more sensitive as the studio became more successful and giving him pep talks had become exhausting for me. All the good qualities he brought, the hard work and diligence, were being undermined by a restless need for something different. Something that wasn't Bendy. I will never understand that drive. Bendy was and is perfection.“ TIOL, page 177

In DCTL Norman claims that Henry left to spend time with his wife. Why doesn’t Joey say that? It doesn’t make him look bad to admit that an employee left to enjoy a quiet family life. It’s almost like he refuses to acknowledge Linda’s existence at all. Like it’s too painful for him to speak of her.

Perhaps the “personal betrayal” that Nathan is referring to is related to Henry choosing a real family, over the “studio family”, and the possibility of having a real child, as opposed to a fictional one?

The symbolic image of Bendy as a child shows up multiple times in the game: for example the drawing from Henry appears to depict Bendy, Alice and Boris as a happy family, with Bendy holding onto their hands like a child would:

There’s also Alice using a womb imagery to describe the ink machine:

And of course, the final monologue is centered on Henry’s choice to pursue a family:

That monologue is very interesting if we assume Joey to be gay. Because a gay man would never have been able to follow Henry’s road. Gay!Joey could never choose to have a real family with a man he loved, because that option was denied to him by the homophobic society he was living in. The studio is the closest thing to a family that gay!Joey could ever hope to have.

And evidently, that was not enough for Henry.

If Joey’s indeed gay, that must have felt incredibly unfair to him - knowing that he had no chance of happiness in marital bliss from the start, through no fault of his own. This would explain his desire to create a real, living, breathing Bendy, no matter the cost, just to prove to Henry that Joey’s “child” can be just as real as the one Linda could give him.

“Bendy was Joey's child, and he felt just as strongly about Bendy as I feel about my flesh-and-blood son.“ TIOL, page 2

This idea of an illusory choice very much resembles the choice between the Angel Path and the Devil Path in Chapter 3. It’s the only choice that Henry ever gets to make in the game, yet no matter which way he chooses, he still ends up in the same corridor. Some of the golden messages highlight his helplessness:

The symbolic meaning of the choice between the Angel and the Devil also shows up TIOL. There’s a scene in the book, where Joey writes a play about an Angel and a Devil fighting over the soul of a human man. Eventually, the Devil confesses that he doesn’t want the human to make his choice, because then one of them would have to leave. The play was supposed to end with the man making his choice, but according to Joey they lacked a third actor, so the ending was never played out.

I believe that the play is symbolic of the relationship between Henry and Joey, specifically with regards to Henry choosing a relationship with Linda over his friendship with Joey.

There are several reasons that lead me to believe this:

The human in the play making a choice between the Angel and the Devil is reminiscent of Henry choosing between Devil Path and Angel path in BATIM.

The play highlights that the Devil is on the left side of the human, while the Angel is on his right side:

“ANGEL: Spending my time with a devil has been an enlightening experience. Working with you over these years with you sitting on that left shoulder, so far and yet so near, all our debates, they were invigorating for the spirit.

DEVIL: I won't miss you! Fighting all the time, trying to trick you into agreeing with me, trying to push you off that right shoulder of yours. The violence and the anger. I won't miss it at all!”, TIOL page 89

Much like the Devil Path is on the left side in the game, while the Angel path is on the right side:

The Devil is obviously a stand-in for Bendy. Joey even dances on the stage at one point, and one of Bendy’s nicknames is “The Dancing Demon”. Joey also claims that the Devil from the play was an inspiration for Bendy:

“Let's start with the basic idea of a cartoon.You need a main character. Someone who has adventures and who the audience relates to." I did. I needed that. I needed a character who didn't just reflect the general population back to itself, but a more exciting version. I had no interest in moralizing, besides I didn't think moralizing was particularly realistic. People don't see the world as one populated by do-gooders. I thought of the angel in my play. She could never be a lead character. The devil on the other hand…” TIOL, 165

The fact that Joey claims the ending was never played out is strongly reminiscent of the missing ending of the Tombstone Picnic

It’s possible that Joey is lying about the ending not having been played out, to hide Henry’s role in the success of the play, much like he removed his part in Tombstone Picnic. After all, what would be the point of writing a play for 3 actors, when you only have 2? Why not ask someone to play the 3rd?

Although the play itself is centered more on the relationship between the Devil and the Angel, rather than their relationship with the human, there is still a strong queer symbolism in the play:

“Abby shifted nervously next to me the whole evening. She was in a dress for the first time in a long time, white and soft. I was pleased she'd come in character. For my part the only red thing I owned was a garish bow tie, so that was all I was able to contribute visually.” TIOL, page 82

The angel is played by a woman, who usually wears men’s clothing, but of course, the Angel being a symbol of Christian values couldn’t possibly be portrayed breaking the gender norms. She had to wear a dress, though Abby is clearly uncomfortable in it. She’s essentially performing heteronormative feminity. Next to her we have Joey as the Devil, dressed in a red bow tie, which as I’ve mentioned in the first part of this analysis, used to be a symbol of homosexuality.

This contrast between the uncomfortably heteronormative Angel and flamboyantly queer Devil is striking. It’s also very much in line with the views of the society in the 1920s. For something to be the symbol of purity and goodness, it has to be heterosexual, and the Devil is queer, because he’s also the symbol of sin.

That symbolism could be indicative of Joey’s own internalized homophobia. Back in his army days, his friends used to bully him for breaking gender norms. Joey likes to present himself as the hero, who was easily able to outsmart the bullies, but many of his later remarks in the book and in DCTL show that some of that attitude has left a deep mark on him.

The symbolism could also be intentional. Joey boasts about having personal ties to Noel Coward, a real life gay playwright, who was known for his many affairs with men, and for putting an ungodly amount of queer symbolism in his works:

“The old woman took a liking to me, and she was nice enough. Besides, her connections were incredible. She knew everyone, she even had the playwright Noel Coward come to stay with her whenever he was in town.” TIOL, page 144

There’s a lot of evidence pointing to the play being symbolic of Henry’s choice between his relationship with Linda and with Joey. But it’s also symbolic of Henry’s choice between Bendy, and a real child. The studio family, and a traditional family. Heteronormative relationship vs a queer relationship.

Although there’s no indication in canon that Henry might be bisexual, he doesn’t need to be. The game has beaten into our heads that the “choice” is an illusion. Henry was never going to choose the Devil, or at least that’s what Joey believes. Although we’re never told what choice the human in the play was going to make, we’re told that he was supposed to be dressed in white, which suggests that he chose the Angel.

“(The door stage right opens. A man all in white enters calmly and chooses a seat, brushes it off carefully and sits. He takes his hat off and holds it gingerly in his lap.) (Quiet.) (Curtain.) THE END” TIOL, page 91

That might be why the Devil in the play confesses that he doesn’t want the human to make his choice, fearing that one of them will have to leave once such a choice is made:

“DEVIL: You think he has made a choice?

ANGEL: It is possible.

DEVIL: Do you think he might be all bad?

ANGEL: I hope he is all good.

DEVIL: If he is all bad, my job here is done. If he is all good, you can go home.

DEVIL: Strange. If we win we also lose. You would think that would be something I would find delightful.

ANGEL: You would think I would love to make such a personal sacrifice.” TIOL, page 89

The line about a “personal sacrifice” is very interesting in this context. The Angel and the Devil clearly care for each other and for the human, and don’t want their relationship to come to an end. Though the Devil in the play seems to make gestures that the audience interprets as romantic in nature, Joey insists that it isn’t the case:

“I leaned in and placed a hand on Abby's knee. There was a gasp from someone in the audience, but I knew Abby wouldn't be flustered by it. That wasn't the nature of our relationship.” TIOL, page 89

It makes me wonder if perhaps Linda and Joey used to be friends at some point, and both competed over Henry’s attention.

There’s a much overused trope in fiction where two men compete over a woman, which ends up ruining their friendship. It would be really interesting and subversive to see a man and a woman competing over a man instead.

EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot to add this part:

"Joey, thanks for coming," said Henry, approaching from behind us. I turned to look at him He had dressed up for the event but every item of clothing looked slightly wrong. The sleeves of his shirt a bit short, his vest a bit long, his tie askew. He smiled, though, with such confidence that I couldn't help admire him. I still do.” TIOL, page 160

Joey fell for Henry’s smile, how romantic!

“We watched in silence as he worked. Despite his lack of genius, to this day, I will always say that watching Henry work was a real pleasure.“ TIOL, page 173

“It's fascinating. Henry was never the showman like I was. He didn't tend to be easily remembered by those who met him when we did business. I was invariably the face of the company, the one introduced first at a gala, the one to whom people slipped their business cards.Yet in the end he ended up setting up camp in this small corner of my memory. I can't deny that he is tied to the creation of Bendy, to the creation of the studio itself. That at one time, in one small apartment, one too warm evening, we had shaken hands. That once upon a time we had been partners. He'll always be there, in the dark recesses of my mind. Always linked to me that way. Funny how the forgettable man is now forever in my mind” TIOL, page 177

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #batim #bendy: the illusion of living #joey drew #Henry Stein #Linda Stein #dreamfisher certified #nathan arch

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