#shakespeare on crack

[trauermaerchen]

macbeth and lady macbeth are in a classic malewife x girlboss relationship

[randomshenaniganery]

Class went out of hand...

Don’t discuss your theories in front of your underclassmen or at least don’t get caught. Tristan is no longer allowed to sub without supervision.

Rook is just gathering information don’t mind him

[fallen-angel-adam-frankenstein]

Who's your favourite Hamlet character and why is it Horatio?

[hekateinhell]

Anne Rice's Notes for TVA: Some Context Behind Armand & Daniel's Breakup...

... that she didn't end up using!

Great for fic fodder though — if you're like me and like angst:

But the parting from Daniel had been the worst. Daniel had no eyes for him. Daniel stared only powerful ancient Khayman whom he had taken as a wandering partner, and how he Armand realized that he was glad Daniel was going, that he felt no love for him, no love since the moment that he'd given him the dark gift. "And this my only child, where is he now? I can not call to him. I will not call to anyone."

At one point, Anne Rice really sat down and had Daniel leave Armand... not for Marius... not even for Lestat... but for Khayman!

ANNE.

[oh-allie]

shakespeare and swooning

alhaitham x g/n reader

synopsis; you read one shakespeare play and now you want to impress your "buddy" alhaitham with your newfound knowledge !! what could go wrong?

fluff, g/n reader, TOTAL CRACKFIC, OOC alhaitham, SWEARING, kind of a modern au ???? i mention "ringing tighnari" but that could just be imagined as using the akasha terminal !!!! didnt write this with a modern au in mind

warning ‼️ PLEASE dont expect this to be accurate, if youre a big classic literature fan then dont attack me for not being a NERD ☹️ just imagine a poser using their fancy words (because they think its cool)

you know how libraries are supposed to be a place of study and tranquility? no the fuck you don't, or at least you don't care, because running through the house of daena with shakespeares, "romeo and juliet," in your hands is NOT very tranquil.

multiple poor akademiya students look at you, PISSED OFF because your shoes are going clu-clonk on the marble floors, which wouldn't be an issue if you weren't scurrying through the library.

is that kaveh ?? he's giving you the same look he gives alhaitham every day ..

... but this is IMPORTANT !! you're on a MISSION right now !! you just finished reading the first act of "romeo and juliet," and you're convinced your brain has expanded tenfold in size.

you're now rushing to your good pal haitham to share your knowledge! how kind and gracious!

you're stopped before his house, you've known him for long enough and gotten close enough for him to let you come in whenever. you know kaveh isn't home, and haitham would never purposefully work overtime, so you're certain you can get his attention and show off in peace.

why are you so adamant about showing off to alhaitham? is it REALLY showing off, or are you trying to, heehee, impress him?? its too late to be flustered at this thought because you already unlocked the door with the spare key kaveh leaves behind one of haithams ugly ass decorative plants and you've taken off your shoes and oh god hes right there and the sunlight from the door is lighting up his face in that way that only happens to him and hes looking at you with a suprised, slightly annoyed, but incredibly fond look and oh no what was your plan again?

"greetings, alhaitham! ☝️🤓" you say, finding a surge of confidence remembering the story you read.

"... hey. what are you doing here?" his response is quick but before you respond he continues, "did you just say greetings?"

"indubidibdibdly! hath you be surprised?" you pretentious hipster. you think youre SO cool, but unfortunately your little crush doesn't seem very impressed either.

"okay, what are you doing? you're being weird." he's not even looking at you, and he's back in his chair before you can rush over and sit on the couch. "is something wrong? should i get tighnari to give you a checkup?"

you'd be touched by the care of the suggestion if he wasn't so cheeky in his tone.

"wha, what, no?! no what the hell- stop ringing tighnari."

"are thou o'er wrought with admiration?" you grin, somehow still under the impression that you sound cool.

he gives an eyebrow raise to that. not bothering to mark his place in his book, he stands up.

"i lie testy in why you act so unpregnant, my dear."

"what"

HUH ? what did bro just say ? testy ???? unpregnant ?? MY DEAR ??? backtrack again, UN-WHAT ??

"be still my beating heart, thou hast taken mine with absolute cunning." is he making fun of you i genuinely can't tell ... its like hes speaking in moon runes right now.

"haitham, heheh, WHAT are you DOING ??" you can't help but laugh at his funny little words, magic man. even if you're clueless to what he just said to you.

"whatever doth thou mean?" he's totally making fun of you !! after ALL your effort to impress him too?

"well, usually i do all the ranting and you sit pretty and listen, so it's weird that you're talking so much, especially like THAT?" fym sit pretty ....

"when words are scarce they are seldom spent in vain." that sounds familiar, but you can't think about it longer before he continues, "shall i compare thee to a summers day?"

"ALRIGHT, i recognize that one, dummy." you laugh, "were you really not impressed by me?" you whisper, the rush of embarrassment you shouldve felt in that library is finally catching up with you.

he stares at you for a second. you just wish you could find out what hes thinking up there, if you could even understand it.

and then he lets you into his mind, with a simple "i love you." as if alhaitham, renowned scribe of the akademiya, top student, couldn't find the words to describe how he felt for you.

or maybe that was what he felt for you. he loved you.

"... you called me unpregnant."

a/n; i read romeo and juliet like... 3 years ago.... so.. uam... 😇😇 totally accurate! hope this crackfic style of writing isnt too niche so this doesnt flop because EMBARRASSING....... do people even like al haitham anymore like guys lets go back to the good old days before the FRENCH came in..... (this is just me projecting cause i havent played genshin in a while and i still lovelove sumeru)

[xxsycamore]

𝐍𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐨𝐧 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞

↬ 👖 Napoleon has a little problem dressing up for a date in the 21st Century. Luckily, the mansion's residents are there to give him fashion advice, divided into team Sexy, team Defense, and team Cute.

Napoleon Bonaparte x MC, ft. all residents ( Leonardo, Mozart, Arthur, Isaac, Dazai, Comte, Sebastian, Jean, Theo, Vincent, Shakespeare) • rating: G • tags: Humor; Crack; Dress Up • wordcount: 1,797 • masterlist

a/n: An early celebration for Napoleon's upcoming birthday, with the prompt Napo Style from my Napoleon Birthday Celebration 2023 event! Enjoy the chaos!

Thanks to The Door at Comte's mansion being fixed and thus allowing a safe trip through the time and space continuum, newer and cooler dating spots are now available for the mansion's lovebirds, Napoleon and MC! How exciting is that? The latter is especially enthusiastic about strolling the streets of 21st-century Paris and showing off her lover…

The former is currently losing his mind.

Because there is an hour left until they step into the vortex of time-traveling, and Napoleon has no idea how people in the future dress for a date. At all.

"This is a problem." Napoleon muses out loud as he paces back and forth in the mansion's lounge room. Of course, he's not alone there, in this house you never get a moment of privacy no matter where you are. Currently he shares his air with… Leonardo, Mozart, Arthur, Isaac, Dazai, Comte, Sebastian, Jean, Theo, Vincent, Shakespeare… wait, why are all of them here?! Even Shakespeare? Could it be that his worries are so prominently written on his face that the residents' gossip-meter was able to track it, and now they're bursting with curiosity?!

"Everything alright, Naps?" Arthur tests the waters, taking a noisy sip from his coffee.

"Yeah, you can always tell us if you have problems with your dating life. That's what friends are for."  Theo chimes in, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"Problems with my dating life? No, it's just… I don't know how to dress up for the date. I thought that maybe I could just go with these clothes…?" Napoleon shrugs, fixing the lapels of his jacket.

"I strongly suggest you don't." Joins Mozart, closing the piano he was pretending to play as he listened in.

"Then what do I put on? MC will be ready in just a moment and she'll no doubt be stunning. Gods… Can any of you help me out?"

"We can."

"Alright old chap, come out whenever you're ready. Too bad that our team's idea is first and therefore it will put an early end to this fashion show." Arthur boasts confidently as he takes his place on the left along with his other team members, part of the Sexy team. As the curtain is dramatically swooshed to reveal Napoleon, the audience livens up in a cacophony of different murmurs…

Napoleon has no idea why the bunch targeted his favorite red curtain-- erm, cape, as the first thing to be removed from the outfit, but in a flash Napoleon sees it hanging from the staircase's railing and he understands. The small space behind the stairs becomes a makeshift changing booth… he does live with the smartest men in history after all. From there on, the smart ideas keep on coming as he steps behind the curtain and braces himself for accepting the various articles of clothing being handed to him to try on.

Napoleon poses awkwardly while trying to hide his attributes, the small cloth hiding his crouch area making it difficult as his pants have been reduced to just that, a loincloth that his trademark big belt holds together. His shirt too has suffered a massive reduction in length and now barely covers his chest, leaving his abs and stomach exposed, a similar thing done to his sleeves so the shirt now reminds more of a tank top of sorts. The golden epaulets from his jacket remain. His boots are untouched, at least. His look is completed with ruffled hair for a messier, sexier hairstyle.

"Ahem. As you may know, the 21st century is vastly different from our times in terms of dressing to impress… so to say, the meaning of that phrase is turned upside down!"

"Undress to impress!" With a finger in the air and a smile on his face, the most unlikely member of team Sexy, Vincent, hurries to add. Before Theo can collapse, Vincent backs up his (unbeknownst to him) scandalous vision with a little bit of his wisdom. "How nice that is, a world that celebrates the body instead of hiding it. Napoleon has a body that many would put on a canvas, and he should celebrate it!"

"Thank you, Vincent."

"Sebastian, why are YOU on this team?" Someone in the crowd asks.

Despite Arthur's confidence in winning this "competition", the other teams are more than eager to have their go in an attempt to beat his idea of modern fashion. After another round of handing stuff to the haphazardly changing behind the curtain Napoleon, a group of four residents get ready to present their idea.

With a perfect little nod, Sebastian says matter-of-factly, "Master Napoleon has a body that many would put on a canvas, and he should celebrate it."

With difficulty, a man in a knight's heavy full armor (that normally can be found in one of the hallways as a decoration) steps in front of the audience's eyes, who they can only assume is Napoleon, due to not a tad of his identity being visible underneath this "outfit".

As a leader of Team Defense, Jean turns to the audience to explain. "The modern world is filled with dangers we're unaware of. Napoleon should prioritize his safety," he eyes his teammate, Shakespeare, who is ready to take the word next: "As well as the safety of his beloved. Thus he clothes in steal and prepares a heavy blade, or a dozen; if the chance arises, he shall defeath all that's on his path, in the name of her!"

As Napoleon hears the signal, he demonstratively takes out a spear, a chain mace, a war hammer, a longsword…! The audience takes a step back.

"They're right. You never know what's out there. There might be cats." Theo nods approvingly, slapping Napoleon's armor as if to test its durability. The last member of team Defense, Mozart, is ready with his own argument.

"Everything there must be dirty. This will protect him from exposure."

Still, this can't end without the final third team showcasing their own unique idea of dressing up Napoleon. And besides, the mansion's daddy, Comte, being a leader of this team is enough to make everyone quiet down and pay attention.

It's a shockingly good argument.

"And finally, team Cute. Because you, my dears, are forgetting a key element of what our fashion show is about, and that is helping our Napoleon win his girl's heart all over again, in a different time, in a different world. We must look from the eyes of MC. And a lady like her, oh her heart surely sings at the sight of everything that can be called cute. She'll swoon and melt as she witnesses Napoleon embracing his inner adorableness; that is for sure!"

Without further ado, Napoleon steps forward, revealing his outfit that for some reason troubles his walking more than the armor from before… the reason might be the tight corset Comte put him in, one made for men nonetheless, but still making it hard for the soldier to act naturally wearing. Especially combined with those high-heeled boots! There's not a trace of any dark colors anywhere to be seen, from frilly innocent whites to sunny yellows to baby pinks, he's dolled up like a little prince from a fairytale. His hair which is the only color out of place, is densely covered in small hairclips, that are not exactly Comte's style, so there might be put there by…

"Napo-chan is so kawaii with the little hair accessories I put on him. I'm convinced MC won't resist kissing you all over."

"Why am I on this team?!" Laments Isaac, whose contribution is narrowed down to an apple he found laying around… surprisingly, posing with the apple does add cute points to Napoleon's look, as much as the physicist hates to admit. He's only on this team because he refused to join in the absurdity of the other two…

"They're right, Naps." Leonardo agrees with a hand on his chin. "I've heard cara-mia gush all over you being cute when you make a slip-up from your mister perfect persona. Be a little clumsier and clueless. She'll find it charming."

Napoleon hums and looks at the palms of his glove-clad hands, a little lost. "I'm, uhhh… not so sure what you mean."

"That's it, just like that."

"Okay, that's all, which team won?" Arthur asks impatiently, not very amused about the fact that his coffee mug is now empty.

"That's for Napoleon to decide. What do you think, Napoleon?"

Napoleon takes a look at all the faces lit up in expectation, and makes a "wait" gesture as he disappeared behind the curtain again. A few seconds later he is out, dressed in what appears to be an untouched replica of his original outfit, but almost hidden beneath various items that each of the teams can recognize as their own.

"You all joined forces to help me, so the answer can only be a combination of your efforts. With this, I'm confident about covering all bases necessary for a successful date with my Nunuche. Thank you."

"Spoken like a true leader!" Dazai cheers, instantly approving the idea.

The door swings open as MC walks in at a fast pace, hurrying to collect Napoleon's hand and take him away. She's dressed in a simple sundress and wearing her light pink bag over a shoulder with the little Mousette charm hanging from it.

"There you are Napoleon, we're going to be late for our date…! What are you wearing?"

Napoleon makes a troubled humming noise as he shakes off item after item, throwing them in different directions as they clatter against the floor and roll off somewhere. He's back in his day-to-day outfit.

"Nothing much. Nunuche, the truth is… you're stunning. I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm sorry but I couldn't find anything to dress up for our date."

"Oh? What are you talking about, we're going to get you dressed up right now! As soon as we step out of the door we'll go to my friend Mai's boutique and you can have a full Comtherapy!"

"…I…What's a Comtherapy?"

"A Comte-therapy! A shopping therapy, dummy! He even gave me money to dress you up this morning! Thank you, daddy Comte!"

"You're welcome, ma cherie."

"COMTE? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?" a bunch of voices speak up at the same time.

"Why, my dearest residents and I were having so much fun. Who am I to spoil it?"

Amidst the chaos, Napoleon and MC begin to laugh, their hands still intertwined because of MC's earlier attempt to sneak Napoleon out of the rowdy room. Napoleon smirks and takes the lead, leaving the residents to their wits.

"Come on, Nunuche. Let's go on our date."

MC swoons and gawks, following right after.

"Gods Napoleon, you're so charming!"

Taglist: @arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran    @pumpumnnnp @thesirenwashere @ravenarld @kimmy-banana @devonares @galaxyprison @sadshaxk @starshards26 @thewitchofbooks @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @keen19thcenturygoatsstudent @lordsister @ikemen-banshou   @themysticalbeing @canaria-blackwell @otome-scribbles @rhodolitesrose @coornn @kpop-and-otome @queen-dahlia @kisara-16 @chaosangel767 @ikemenlibrary @queengiuliettafirstlady @aurora-morning @aquagirl1978 ​ @ikemenlover24 @violettduchess @mcofthemansion @joy-the-reader @katriniac @ikemen-writer @tele86 @lovely-bubb1es @aria-chikage @babyblue0t7 @rhodoliteschaos @my-day6 Let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged!

[nanabanonana]

Zuko: but, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? it is the east, and Sokka is the sun.

Sokka: wow, Zuko, i didn't know you knew poetry.

Zuko: what the fuck is poetry

[cloudcountry]

IKEMEN REQUEST BC IT SAYS 5/5 AND I HOPE I'M LAST DFJGHFJDKSDFFJKDLS

Shakespeare "reusing" one of his sonnets to woo the reader with his extremely shitty guitar skills under the window (outside the door) and overall he's just yowling like a cat bc of the guitar 🎸 (also I say reusing bc we've read it in modern times, but for him it's new asf)

note: he is trying smth "modern" to woo the reader but also thinks a guitar is a cittern/cithren hence the yowling

SUMMARY: theo yells at you to wrangle your lover. said lover is trying his best to serenade you.

WARNINGS: none!! :D

COMMENTS: YOU ARE THE LAST DW im writing two things today since i missed yesterday oopsie. i feel like will would be a really nice singer though :(( he has such a ncie voice :((( so yea i changed your request a little bit because i doubt hes the type to YOWL but yk theo is fed up with anyway!!

i used sonnet 116 for this because its so beautifully written excuse my geeking

“Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments.”

“Hey, Hondje. Tell him to shut up.” Theo huffs, a string of very creative Dutch swears leaving his lips after he slams the door shut behind him.

You can hear what Theo is talking about.

There’s a strange warbling noise that sounds like a musical instrument, along with a very familiar voice cooing unintelligible lyrics from out on the balcony. You open the door that Theo just left, stepping out into the cold night air. The singing becomes clearer, and a smile creeps on your face when you lean over the railing.

“Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove.”

It’s Will, a guitar in hand that he’s clearly struggling to play, his eyes trained on the space you occupy now. A smile blooms across his face as he sings, the notes too plucky to be anything but offensive, but it's him and he’s doing something for you, and so you listen.

“O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken; It is the star to every wand'ring bark, Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.”

It takes you a second to register the words he’s singing to you, but when you realize it's a sonnet giddy laugh tumbles from your lips. Will’s eyes gleam with joy at the sound, and he steps closer to the balcony. His neck is craned up so he can see you, yearning to be close and yet being a whole floor away.

While he may not be able to physically reach you, his words do.

“Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks Within his bending sickle's compass come; Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom.”

The sonnet reminds you of Will’s love, of how it’s never changing, of how it’s held up even though everything the two of you have been through together. It reminds me of how devoted he is to you, his love, and how he’d do anything to ensure your happiness, even if he has to sacrifice himself.

It’s something he’s been working on. He’s well aware that it’s not just him who would die if the two of you were parted now.

“If this be error and upon me prov'd, I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.”

The final notes ring into the night and you offer him a polite clap, the soft sound leaving the night around you two undisturbed.

“Sebastian told me that was an effective way to woo someone from your time period. I do hope you found it satisfactory.” Will confesses, awkwardly holding the guitar like he isn’t sure what to do with it.

This time you laugh loud, raising your head towards the stars as your heart flutters for this man.

“Come inside already!” you call out to him, giggles still seeping into your voice as you rush back inside to let him in.

You’re going to have to make sure Theo isn’t around, but you can deal with that when the time comes. Right now, you need to concern yourself with your silly, wonderfully talented lover.

[iamnmbr3]

Shakespeare better be trending bc he rose from the dead to write a sequel to Taming of the Shrew where Petruchio gets wrecked by every woman from the later Shakespeare plays and that ends with

exit pursued by an angry Beatrice

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Planning a crackfic where Fëanáro signs his sons up for a Shakespeare play with Valar Productions, where they meet the family of Náro’s old nemesis and a few prodigy hippies (cue Luthien drama).

Synopsis of each play below.

All these plays are versatile with many similarly prominent characters, except perhaps King Lear (but I adore act three so much).

The Tempest follows Prospero (evil), his daughter (heroine), and fairy servant (kind of camp) as they shipwreck Prospero’s usurping brother and cause general chaos. Includes drunk clowns, a love struck prince, murder, apparitions, and disgruntled slaves.

Twelfth Night is genderbent romantic shenanigans involving servants taking the piss out of a nobleman, a fool for fool’s sake, and some very gay interactions. Class divide is for dummies.

Henry IV doesn’t have many women, but it’s got a lovely range of scenes between Prince Harry and the war, some fun at a pub, shenanigans, and Falstaff. Plus serious Revolution business.

Comedy of Errors is complete crack. Some women, plenty of bumbling, and hectic costumery. Twins get separated, named the same thing, end up in the same city, and cause chaos.

[that-gay-jedi]

Star Wars and all the dialogue is the same EXCEPT all of the infamous Star Wars insults get replaced with insults directly lifted from Shakespeare plays. Obi-Wan calling Anakin an incontinent varlet for having slept with Padme. Anakin encountering fallout from Obi-Wan's drinking problem and calling him a ruinous butt. Luke lands on Dagobah and immediately calls Yoda a crusty batch of nature.

Leia is exempt. Her insults remain unchanged, *EXCEPT* she gets to say "Fuck."

[shakespeareofficialaccount]

MY BRAIN IS TINGLING I CAN FLY C'EST LA VIE BITCH BE GAY DO CRIME NOCTURNALISM SLAY PEPPY BOY BAND SHIT

~ William Shakespeare, 17th June, 1:49am

[galaxytoons]

the sun in her pussy

the moon in her eyes

I dunno how to make this rhyme

4 big guys

[queenmeriadoc]

Richard II: Be merry.

Me who happens to be called Merry: Done.

[theenglishnarwhal]

I have witnessed enough egg-cracking and out of a mutual appreciation for Shakespeare, we have concocted this masterpiece

[megamindsupremacy]

Good Omens/The Sandman crossover idea:

I’ve seen a few fics before where Aziraphale and Crowley are professors teaching in their respective fields at the same university. I’ve also seen that apparently there’s a deleted scene that shows Hob Gadling as a history teacher in the modern era.

So obviously, there should be a fic where the three of them are all professors at the same university, and one poor student has all three of them as professors.

They have Aziraphale for English Lit, Crowley for Bio, and Hob for History. And this kid is CONVINCED they have an immortal professor

This person they’re convinced is immortal is Random Calc Professor. This man has absolutely WILD vibes but is otherwise a normal mortal human person who is definitely not immortal

I should add that Aziraphale and Crowley know each other is at the school, but neither know Hob is there, and vice versa. So we can add another layer of shenanigans onto the already wild pile of miscommunication happening here.

Also I need to emphasize how much of a Some Guy with Wack Vibes this random calc professor is. He is not by any means a demon, angel, immortal, deity, or otherwise an entity of supernatural origins. He’s literally just Some Dude but out of all the professors they have this kid has chosen the mortal one to believe is immortal.