#she WANTS To see her clan used for good! she does! but she’s self-loathing in the extreme

[maaaahri]

Oh no I’m thinking about VtM npcs again

[velvetwarfare]

Alone and Betrayal for Betty!!

ALONE: How does your OC deal with loneliness? Have they ever been completely alone before? How do they act when there's no one around to see them?

All the time. Constantly. Because of her loneliness, she puts up a large wall of bravado to hype herself up and become her own biggest cheerleader. Loneliness is CRIPPLING and she often seeks praise and attention from both her peers and audience in order to fill that void — but it’s never completely saturated, as these are not genuine connections. Just distractions. She’s too scared of showing people who she is at her core — hence why she uses illusion magic at all times to hide her nosferatu appearance. Betty wants people to see her as an icon of entertainment and beauty, not some bat beast hybrid that’s been rotting away since she got cursed.

Her longest duration of being alone was when she arrived in The Fated Place ( W.arhammer End Times ) . After being ran out of a few towns for being a vampire, she resided here for the remainder of her days until she got sent to Hell — as this place matched her corruption and deformity. With no one to accompany her and no place to call home, Betty spent the first several years engrossing herself in self experimentation to test the limits of her immortality, then moved on to hyper-studying the skaven race. It gave her a sort of mad scientist trait, getting way too immersed in how mutations functioned in the body, how certain ailments and magic harmed or healed, how her immortality and curse reacted to certain properties, etc. All she had was herself and her studies to keep her from going mad beyond repair.

When no one is around — well. It’s a rarity. Betty is almost always in someone’s presence. She LOATHES being alone. It makes her feel a degree of psychosis. The rare times she’s alone, she’ll probably just curl up and disassociate until someone returns.

BETRAYAL: Has your OC ever been betrayed by someone they thought they could trust? Has your OC ever betrayed someone who trusted them?

Yeah, by her own brother LMAO. Her other brother, Gideon, blackmailed her into telling the entire town she was a vampire when she first took on the disease. He claimed she was now a liability to their family and what they stood for ( proving to the town that the Shavali were not all murderers and thieves to be distrusted ) , so it was either she come clean or he’ll tell everyone himself. Indirectly, he caused her execution. She had thought about returning years later just to behead him herself.

Betty betrays people CONSTANTLY. Whether it be in favor of another or because of her loyalty, she’s incredibly stealthy and persuasive. During the fated era, she collaborated with Clan Moulder in the Hellpit under Throt with furthering her skaven and experimentation studies — they grew closer with similar mindsets, but her allegiance was still for Clan Fester. So naturally, she’s relaying information about Clan Moulder to her boss.

Except, you know. She slipped up at one point because she started to feel REALLY guilty after establishing an authentic connection with Throt. And then he beat her ass for that — near death. Then branded his symbol into her arm with molten iron as punishment. So now she has both Moulder and Fester clan symbols on either arm — one as loyalty, one as punishment for treason.

Nowadays, she’s part of the Vee’s by proxy of being owned by Valentino — and once again pulling her dastardly shit by relaying information about the hotel back to Vox. Good riddance LMAOO

[xaracosmia]

ꕥ — WELCOME TO EXO COSMIA, OBANAI IGURO. 🌑

ꕥ  — OOC INFORMATION;

name / alias: Monet age: 24 pronouns: She/They ooc contact: @thebankery on twt other characters in xc: Philomena Roxbury, Prince Papillon

ꕥ  — IC INFORMATION;

name: Obanai Iguro age: 21 pronouns: He/They series: Demon Slayer canon point: End of The Entertainment District Arc (Ch. 97) app triggers: Deaths/Murders, Human Sacrifice, Child Abuse, Eating Disorder, Mutilation

personality: Harsh, strict, and intense as hell, Iguru is the quintessential edgy snake guy. Not but seriously Obanai is someone who focuses on structure and order. He obeys the rules of The Demon Slayer Corps perfectly, and keeps everyone who doesn’t in check. And not just because they saved his life. He’s quick to lose his temper when things aren’t going how they’re supposed to. There’s no room for even a little failure when they’re living in life or death situations.

At first, Obanai only seems to have two emotions - anger and temporarily not angry. But get to know him and it’s obvious that his attitude comes from a deep sense of self-loathing. Most of his criticism is directed at himself more than anyone on the receiving end. He thinks himself completely unlovable, a self-described ‘piece of shit’ from an evil family, with nothing but sludge coursing through his tainted veins.

But when he does care for someone or something, he really really cares.

something your muse struggles with: Self-Love, Tact, Being Open About His Emotions, his mental health is terrible…

your muse’s greatest strength: (Origin of it be damned,) He’s extremely determined, strong-minded, and generally formidable. Also really good at caring for people…when the opportunity arises. 

history / background:

Obanai was born into a wealthy clan of thieves who worshiped a serpent demon. In exchange for her riches, they fed her newborn babies.

Obanai escaped this fate by being the first male born into their family in 370 years. His heterochromia only made him more valuable in the eyes of his family and the snake demon. Viewing him as a prized possession, they kept him locked in a wooden cage and fed him offerings of foods so rich and pungent and in such large quantities it made him sick. At night, the serpent would circle his cage and keep him awake. He never knew what it was or what it wanted. All he knew for sure was that life wasn’t safe outside of that cage. At 12 he was allowed to leave the cage for the first time and see the snake demon face-to-face. Despite how often they tried to feed him, was so small, sick, and frail she put off eating him for even longer…but she did cut his mouth wider to be ‘more like her’. Obanai was cut 

After this he began to plan his escape. Using a hairpin he stole from a family member, he began to carve away at his wooden cell. As he did this a small white snake slithered in and kept him company. After a long, long time, he was finally able to break out and run. The snake pursued him and killed 50 of his family members before The Flame Pillar slayed the serpent. There was one survivor in his family, his cousin, and she blamed Obanai for all of their deaths. He internalized her words and carries it with him to this day.

With blood on his hands and guilt weighing him down, Obanai decided to join the team of people that saved his unworthy life. He put his all into training to become a Hashira, a Pillar of the Demon Slayer Corps. But his life won’t be worth anything until he rids the world of all demons…and after he’s gone, too.

powers / abilities: 

Breathing Style - Serpent Breathing ; A focus on the twists and turns of a slithering snake. His attacks tend to be unpredictable and quick.

Techniques: First Form: Winding Serpent Slash - The user moves like a slithering snake and releases several slashes in a winding pattern.

Second Form: Venom Fangs of the Narrow Head - The user dashes behind their opponent at blinding speed and aims to swiftly slice off their head.

Third Form: Coil Choke - The user circles around their opponent while using their sword to slice them from all directions.

Fourth Form: Twin-Headed Reptile - The user leaps forward and performs a horizontal slash that slices through the target.

Fifth Form: Slithering Serpent - The user curves their sword in multiple directions and slices their opponent, making it capable of decapitating multiple enemies at once.

inherent abilities:  

Strong As Fuck - As all Hashiras are. Despite his short stature Iguro is stacked, easily pinning people twice his size. 

Inhuman Speed, Reflexes, & Stamina - As all Hashiras do. items / weapons: 

Kaburamaru - A relatively small white snake, more of a friend than a pet. He can see through his eyes. He can also understand speech, follow directions, and solve basic puzzles.

Twisted Nichirin Katana - A lavender winding sword shaped like a slithering snake (think Indonesian Kris Sword). His scabbard is designed so that he can unsheathe his sword vertically.

starting ability: First Form: Winding Serpent Slash  starting item: Kaburamaru

extra:

5’3” , Bi

Talks to his snake more than he talks to people.

He is afraid of women. dont laugh im serious

Mostly blind in his right eye.

Can go days without eating. snakekin.

discord id: snake.pillar

[agentrouka-blog]

What would be your self-indulgent ending to ASOIAF? Or, if that's too much, just Sansa. Where do you want her story to go, and how is it getting there? Who are her friends and allies she makes along the way? Where does she travel on her journey? etc.

Hi anon!

I don't actually have too many thoughts on Sansa's ending that I would consider self-indulgent. Most of what I picture are things that I simply expect the plot to be. Queenship in the North simply makes sense. I can never tire of emphasizing that I was converted to Jonsa by the pure and simple logic of it. And the myriad hints in the text foreshadowing it. This is not wishful thinking on my part but a concrete expectation based on what I think is the most probable from GRRM's end.

Now, what self-indulgent thing would I adore about her journey there? What am I not certain about but would love?

(A lot of random things, it turns out.)

Sansa having shenanigans with the mountain clans. Just, after drama in the Vale, they help her travel, and she loathes the discomfort of the wilderness, she has inner snark even while appreciating the natural beauty around her. She perseveres in spite of neither liking nor being good at it. She learns about how their culture with the same polite curiosity she had for Ellaria Sand. And she finally forms genuine relationships with others once she is removed from the pressure of having to perform to captors or being unable to trust anyone. I would love to just watch Sansa in the process of finding her feet in a strange environment on her own terms.

I also want to see her feel safe enough with someone to just be herself. And who appreciates her in turn. Jeyne Poole and Sansa sneaking into the kitchens together to grab a secret snack and just talk and cry and comfort each other would be splendid. A sad but warm mirror to their strawberry tart escapades in KL.

I want GRRM to show us Sansa singing again. And I want him to finally make good on her talent with needlework. We've been told but we have not been shown, and since Arya's needlework is thematically important, Sansa's also has to be. And since that discrepancy is voiced in the text in the context of Jon Snow... well... some kind of garment with the Stark sigil for Jon would just make sense. With "exquisite" stitches. I want needlework metaphors that emphasize the contrast to the sword, the process of connecting and constructing.

I want big hugs, especially with Arya, who needs hugs and acceptance from Sansa, as well. I want every Starkling who ever uttered that Sansa's interest in songs and romance is "stupid" to utter something admiring about her intelligence or her soft skills. I want her to have some kind of paternal relationship that values her strengths, without an abusive or neglectful element in it (Bronze Yohn?), and I want her to have the ability to make peace with her relationship with Ned, probably in the context of someone else who has similar issues with him (Jon), and I want her to reflect on Lady and her connection to her without it being framed as inferior to full-fledged warging.

I want Sansa to get drunk and dance. Elegant courtly dancing and then just wild, jumpy, sweaty circle dances where everyone's on the verge of stumbling over each other's feet and giggling. Party all night, Sansa, you’ve earned it.

I want Brienne and Sansa to meet and Sansa to practically implode with the inner validation: A True Knight, and have her say all kinds of admiring things to Brienne who will very bravely try not to cry at Being Perceived by someone who loves every single thing she stands for.

I want Sansa in the snow again. I want her to look at Winterfell, be davastated and then straighten her spine and remember her snow castle.

I want Sansa and Ghost to form a deep bond. Essentially, her white-cloaked queensguard when Jon is in the South.

I want Sansa and Rickon to see each other again, I want him to be hugged by someone who reminds him of his mother, and for Sansa to develop a nervous twitch at having a little wildling on her hands even more temperamental than Sweetrobin.

Just.. lots of stuff! That centers around Sansa finally being free and being allowed to shine. Or form real connections, even when they are hard. Or just genuinely be annoyed at something without it being a delicate balancing act. 

[elfyourmother]

FFXIV Black OC Week: Day 3

“What was their childhood like?”

I was born unto a place which made the Brume resemble the Pillars, in truth. Twas naught but Mother and I--but her vallaslin was no blessing as it had been among Clan Halathren, rather a curse to the city of Denerim. It marked her as wild and Dalish, and she could not find work. And so she was the local eccentric, reading fortunes in the market until the city guard chased her back behind the gates which imprisoned and kept us safe by turns, we elvhen of Denerim. There, in the alienage, Fereldan hounds were set upon we children for sport, the laughter of their shem masters loud and hateful. 

But still, there was the warmth of community, of tending the vhenadahl, of foraging with Mother for the herbs she used to tend the sick--and betimes swindle the shems when they did not sic their hounds upon us. Sickly and malnourished as I was, my tiny stomach knotted with hunger more times than I can count, I clung to her colorful skirts and learned the names of herbs, of stars in Elvhen, the stories of the Creators our people held dear. Her Dalish wisdom was all I possessed--and the gentle spirit who watched over me for so long as I could remember, for I knew Her before I knew mine own name. Until my constant companion and self-appointed protector, little Serena Tabris, skinned her knee, and I laid my hands upon the wound as that Spirit guided me, and she was healed. Then, I had my father’s gift, Mother said in awe and wonder--the legacy of a storied lineage of which I should be proud. There was much magic in the Surana line, of course. Twas why the old Keeper deemed her unfit for him, and she fled the clan back to the city she so loathed, for her pride could not suffer their condescension.

But when the templars came, and took me from her, I had only seen my eighth winter. The Chantry cared not; small and sickly as I was, I held a dangerous seed within me that must be tightly controlled in the name of their distant and uncaring god. And so Kinloch Hold became my home, such that it was: a forbidding tower in the center of a lake malms and malms from everything and everyone I ever knew.

I admit, for all I wept for my mother, the Circle was a gilded cage: for the first time in my short life, I did not want for shelter, neither for food. But a cage it was nonetheless. Mayhap I did not realize it until I spoke of these things to my Sharlayan comrades and lovers, and scandalized them with how I was treated. I never believed the Chantry sisters when they called my gift a curse, for Mamae taught me otherwise, and it was still a far better life than I could have had in the alienage, where I would have known little more freedom in the end, crushed by poverty and married off for the good of my community. Nowhere in Thedas could an Elf achieve such respect, such dignity and authority, as the Circle of Magi. I learned to read, I was educated, I was taught to think. The petty indignities we were made to suffer, the leering of the templars as I blossomed--one becomes numb to such things, after a fashion. Even our blood was taken from us, the better to hunt us should we think to escape, but it was a home to me. I knew love there, as much as resentment. I made it mine own.

Eorzea was a revelation, once my memories returned. The cruelties of mine upbringing were made stark in a land where my gifts were celebrated rather than feared. Where Hydaelyn’s Blessing made me a heroine of the realm, not an Abomination in waiting. (By the Fury, if only I had known who that gentle Spirit was all along!) Does a bird truly know she is caged, until she is set free to soar the skies?

And as I walk amongst the vast libraries of Sharlayan, I see young scholars following their fancies without being torn from their families, nurtured and molded free of fear and condemnation, and weep for what I was--what I did not and could not have, in that dark world of prejudice and superstition which birthed me. How might I have flourished, had I been born to the Leveilleurs in all their attendant wealth and privilege in a city which valued knowledge--rather than backwater Ferelden, under the boot of the Chantry, caging mages out of fear of what Tevinter wrought?

I would not be Gisele des Fortemps, no. My youth shaped me in ways both tangible and incomprehensible. That I as yet thrive in this land I have so come to cherish, that I have mastered every conceivable art of the arcane to which I have ever set my mind and aether? Tis despite the suffering of my youth, not because of it. And I did not deserve it, any of it. So sayeth Urianger, and Shtola, and Krile, and the twins, and Thancred, and for all I cannot bear their pity, I cling to their words as a child might a blanket.

Tis what I tell myself, when I begin to weep.

[monstersandmaw]

Tell us more about your inquisitor!! I would love to hear about him(?) and Dorian

Ok, here's the second of the two asks I got about Ciúin thank you thank you thank you (His name is pronounced like 'queue-inn'). I've talked about him a fair bit before, but I'll do a new post now for the sheer, self-indulgent fun of it! Thank you.

He, like Lein, means a huge amount to me for all sorts of reasons not really related to the game itself, and he's one of the few characters of mine who really does live rent free in my head all the time. His story has had a few versions over the years, but here's my latest 'canon' version, as of 2021.

(I've also written for him before, and if you want a sfw angst-fluff-fest story with him and Dorian, you can read that here on my AO3) Also the immeasurably talented @hanatsuki89 drew him for me and you can find that here Alright, here he is. For tonight's other post with more photos, see this one.

And a close up (please ignore the horrible Skyhold pyjamas):

Ciúin is quiet, reserved, and a bit gruff, but he has an affectionate heart and will laugh freely around people he feels close to. Outside of the limitations of the game's hair options, he has very long, black hair that falls almost to his waist, and no side-shave.

He's actually a quarter Tevinter, with his grandfather being a low-ranking (now-disgraced) Tevinter magister, who fell in love with an elven slave and risked everything to free her instead of selling her when he fell on hard times in the Magisterium, and had to sell almost everything. She was taken in by Clan Lavellan, and her son was born a few months later. Ciúin tends to keep his heritage quiet on the whole, given the distrust in the South of Tevinter in general.

His half-elven father died when Ciúin was quite young, and he was sort of raised by everybody and nobody in the clan after that. He helped out where it was needed most, and slept alone near the halla most nights. He’s a spectacularly good rider and loved caring for the halla. His Red Hart mount with the Inquisition is called Conker.

He was an apprentice with the Clan's blacksmith (hence choosing June’s vallaslin, the Dalish god of craftsmen) before his magic developed quite late at the age of 14, at which point he reluctantly began to train with the Keeper in his spare time so that he didn’t lose control of his magic and hurt someone. He found he had to become her First when he was 19, since they had no other mage and he was pretty talented.

As is the case for many Dalish clans, his clan was attacked a fair bit by opportunistic humans, which made him wary of them, but they continued to trade and interact anyway. Unless his life depends on it, he rarely uses his magic (unlike Dorian, who will happily use it for everything), preferring to do things by hand. Vivienne finds this provincial and endearing, and Dorian is somewhat confused, but they can both see that Ciúin’s not going to change his ways…

He's panromantic and demisexual, and before he unwittingly falls for Dorian, he's only ever had one relationship.

More miscellaneous facts include:

His vallaslin (tattoos) go all the way down the centre of his chest, branching out towards his shoulders, and down over his hip bones as well. He also has a similar design to the one at the centre of his forehead going right up his spine, from the small of his back into his hairline. He will freely admit that the most painful bit to have done was his lip and throat.

Prefers savoury to sweet, and doesn't like fish

Hates ale and beer but enjoys liquors like brandy, elven fruit spirits, whisky, etc. He's a truly miserable drunk though, so it's best if he sticks to his limits.

Gets on really well with Bull and the Chargers, and ships Scout Harding and Professor Kenric really hard.

He's very, very unapologetically Elven about a lot of things, especially about his beliefs/religion, though respects people with different beliefs. For example, he admires that Dorian considers himself Andrastian while simultaneously loathing the hypocrisy of the Chantry and all it stands for.

Ciúin's 28 at the start of Inquisition

He's surprisingly nervous of mabari (who adore him, especially the one Cullen acquires in Trespasser), but he kind of wants to adopt one anyway

At Skyhold, he helps Blackwall with his carpentry projects - making June puzzles for the children of Skyhold - when he gets (or needs) a moment to himself. He can also be found in the forge quite a bit, making new weapons and armour for his friends in the Inquisition.

Can't cook. Don't ask him to. You'll get charred sludge.

Any more questions, please feel free to ask. I will literally talk about him (and Lein) until I keel over.

I'm also probably going to do some writing based on my gameplay, so if that's of interest (it'll be a 'Lavellan x Dorian' story with lots of plot and ambient description because it's me), please also feel free to let me know. If not, thank you for tolerating this long post about my Dalish elf.

^him scowl.

Also boop the halla snoot for good luck if you made it to the end of this post :)

[mira--mira]

Ok so, questions for OoT: Do Hashi + Madara cheer when Rock Lee kicks Sasuke's ass? If that still happens. Do they save Lee from getting his leg + arm crushed by Gaara's sand? Do Kabuto + Hashirama ever fight one another? If so, does Hashi kick Kabuto's ass? What does Hashi think of Kabuto's regeneration ability? Do Tsuande + Hashirama ever team up + kick ass? Please, I need this so bad. Also maybe Hashi hugging Tsunade when she has her freak out over seeing blood? Please? Does Madara face off with Itachi after Hiruzen dies (if Hiruzen still does die)? Do Hashi + Madara manage to save Sasuke from getting beaten by Itachi when Itachi + Sasuke see one another again in canon, when Naruto is doing his training with Jiraiya? (Also please tell me Madara at least stabs Jiraiya for stealing all of Naruto's saving when Jiraiya had plenty of money himself, AND was supposed to financially support Naruto as Naruto's godfather. If Madara doesn't just outright steal/demand Jiraiya give Naruto his money back or pay him back. That bothered me so much in canon.) I haven't been able to keep up with out of fic stuff in a while because of irl stuff, so I'm sorry if you've already answered these. Just link me, please, if you have?

Hey no worries! OoT is a monster that takes most of my energy to manage, lol, I don't expect everyone to be able to keep up with everything so please don't feel bad or like you're bothering me by asking! I haven't answered most of these questions, I'll answer a few below the cut but not quite all because 1. got to keep a few secrets :P and 2. I don't have specific answers to all of them yet either lol!

Do Hashi + Madara cheer when Rock Lee kicks Sasuke's ass?

Doesn't quite progress to that point! All of Team 7 and Gai's team go out for Sasuke and Lee's fight (here with a slightly different set up and explanation for why Gai's team was outside of the room bc that scene still irritates me in canon lol) but Team 13 gets lost (read: Hashirama and Madara not used to big buildings like the school and Sai laughing as they stumble around) and wanders in right before the fight happens and interrupts it. Even if they had been watching and not interfering they wouldn't be cheering outright I'd say. Hashirama has nothing against Sasuke and neither really does Madara. He doesn't has a grudge from the clan head duel, but Sasuke is a walking trigger for his own trauma that he subconsciously avoids.

Do they save Lee from getting his leg + arm crushed by Gaara's sand?

😶 The Tenten v Gaara fight happens and she's pissed at him so...

Do Kabuto + Hashirama ever fight one another? If so, does Hashi kick Kabuto's ass?

Not in the chunin arc (maybe in search for Tsunade, but probably not? Honestly idk at this point). Kabuto has a very good sense of self-preservation and he pegged them almost immediately as weird kids that he does not want to get involved with.

What does Hashi think of Kabuto's regeneration ability?

Honestly idk. I'm still trying to figure out how to classify it in a way. It's not from the mokuton, that really wouldn't make sense with my lore, but I'm not sure what else it stems from. I'm open to ideas and reactions to this, if anyone wants to suggest something! Otherwise I might make it where Kabuto doesn't have a regeneration ability, but he's such a competent medic, it's like he mimics the ability.

Do Tsuande + Hashirama ever team up + kick ass? Please, I need this so bad. Also maybe Hashi hugging Tsunade when she has her freak out over seeing blood? Please?

Yes, eventually. Their meetings are...rough at first. Hashirama and Madara know how Madara dies at this point and Hashirama has a grudge the size of the five elemental countries against his edo self (which will also be revealed if it's him or a parallel version by this point 😉) and he connects Tsunade to that at first and it puts an initial strain on their relationship. Add in Hashirama is very different from the "god of shinobi" Tsunade grew up with, 5 imo is too young to recognize the flaws and humanity in parents/grandparents so she doesn't have that perspective, and it leads to a clash. Not to mention the giant elephant in the room, Madara, and well...it's just a tough family reunion. I will say though the longer the fic goes on the bigger the "ripples" and canon divergences will be. There's a big moment at the end of the chunin arc that impacts...pretty much everything else in drastic ways. Just be prepared for a pretty sharp diverge!

Does Madara face off with Itachi after Hiruzen dies (if Hiruzen still does die)?

Hiruzen does die but I'm going to be mum about the rest of this 😉 Note I do have plans though 👀

Do Hashi + Madara manage to save Sasuke from getting beaten by Itachi when Itachi + Sasuke see one another again in canon, when Naruto is doing his training with Jiraiya?

Another one that's a mix of I have ideas but not solid enough to commit yet lol. Also the big spoiler at the end of chunin will affect this as you'll see!

Also please tell me Madara at least stabs Jiraiya for stealing all of Naruto's saving when Jiraiya had plenty of money himself, AND was supposed to financially support Naruto as Naruto's godfather. If Madara doesn't just outright steal/demand Jiraiya give Naruto his money back or pay him back. That bothered me so much in canon.

Oh fam, let me just say Madara and Jiraiya do not get along and the hate is mutual. Madara is 12 and he's going to fight that old man for custody of another 12 y/o and win. The money issue will definitely be brought up and dealt with. He, and all of Team 13 really, has zero tolerance for Jiraiya. I try to avoid the cliche "bashing" fic style, but I'm not going to shy away from Jiraiya's shitty canonical behavior and the "heart of gold pervert" is a character archetype that I loathe with the passion of a thousand suns. He's not getting excused for that either. Tsunade and Jiraiya have a complicated relationship with two people (three with Orochimaru) have experienced war and some of the absolute worst that humanity has had to offer and only each other to depend on...but then that trusted friend betrayed you and your boundaries and treating you like an object not a person and suddenly your entire relationship can never be the same (ie the peeping in the bath and almost killing him scene isn't going to be treated like a cute little jokey-joke~ Top 10 things I hated in canon, I can write an entire long post about this alone lol.)

[robotslenderman]

Perry and Elisa headcanons:

Elisa thinks it's weird that a Nosferatu Thinblood has a Hecata-like bite, but it's Dove who, due to her experiences with Modian, immediately realises that Perry is a full blooded Samedi. When Dove raised the possibility that Perry might be Cappadocian to Elisa, she was worried they'd have to protect him from the Hecata (and that Dove would refuse to extend that protection because of the treaty), but Dove said "nah, he's Samedi, he's Hecata. He probably has that bane as the equivalent of a genetic throwback - sometimes that happens." (Dove would know.) Much relief ensues and Elisa helps Perry learn about the Samedi and Hecata, and even gets him in touch with a couple over time.

Elisa is pretty casual about the smell. She mentions it and she doesn't pretend it's not there either. "I'd hug you, Perry, but it's three AM and you smell like shit so I'll hug you first thing tonight." Perry is a bit defensive/standoffish at first but comes to appreciate it over outright hostility and/or when people "politely" pretend it's not there while obviously not wanting to deal with it.

For example, when Elisa gives him a room in her haven she'll be upfront about the fact she's using sheet/pillow protectors to stop him leaking on stuff, a room with no carpet so the smell doesn't get stuck in it, an ensuite so he can clean himself off easily... but unlike most, you know, she's actually offering a bed instead of pretending she doesn't have a place for him to stay, and she's also pretty "yeah you smell like shit in the morning but I'm just gonna have to deal with that." He's not sure what to think about this attitude in the beginning.

Elisa also teaches him to weaponise the smell. "You just met someone? Be considerate. Insist on meeting your contacts outdoors early on in the night, and standing downwind from them. They get difficult? That's when you start visiting them in their office an hour before dawn and sitting in their chairs and leaking on their upholstery. They'll soon get the idea that you're someone they want the goodwill of - and that's invaluable. Most fledglings have to work really, really hard to have that kind of power over somebody and all YOU have to do is change what time you're meeting someone. Use that."

The above point pretty much drove home to him that yeah she hates the smell, but not HIM, and she's willing to work with it. He develops a crush on her after that.

He does make a move when he's more confident, a few years later. She turns him down and at first he's pretty self loathing over it but they have an open discussion about the smell and she's like, "look, if I had feelings for you I'd just work with that - sexy stuff first thing after dusk when you're at your best. But I'm not going to pretend I'm interested when I'm not out of pity because we both deserve better. I'm sorry I hurt you but I can't say yes to this, not when I wouldn't mean it."

He got over it rather quickly, to his own surprise.

He has his own car. He calls it the Corpsemobile. When he gets the opportunity he loves to give people ultimatums - "either I ride with you and stink up your car, or you can ride in mine. And mine smells worse than the state I'd leave your car in."

Elisa helps set him up with a good ghoul - someone who runs a small mortuary. Puts a small mattress in one of the shelves, actually makes a nice comfortable haven out of it. It being a mortuary means the smell isn't suspicious, and he just pretends to the staff that he has a medical condition and its way less hassle to sleep in one of their drawers.

Getting the corpse stink out of his clothes is almost impossible so he's ALWAYS going through fresh clothes. Elisa helps set him up with another ghoul that can give him a steady supply of shirts, underwear and pants.

He hates getting pulled over because the second a cop gets a whiff of the interior of his car they think he's got a body in the trunk. Elisa uses her connection with Dove to get him a third ghoul in the police force, but when he's not in Tucson he's SOOL there.

He has discovered that maggots actually keep the smell down, as they eat away at the rot, so when he starts rotting a few hours after dusk, he applies maggots to the areas he sees are starting to deteriorate and wraps them in bandages. The smell doesn't go away completely but it does make a difference.

When he's outside of Tucson and a cop insists on searching his car, he peels away a bandage and says "actually, that smell is me." He also has a bunch of fake medical paperwork so that they don't insist on taking him to the hospital - he says he's on antibiotics and the maggots prevent the gangrene from killing him, and because of that he doesn't have to stay in hospital.

He knows a lot of facts about maggot therapy to make it convincing. In reality I'm pretty sure that gangrene is not something that you can be an outpatient for but most cops aren't going to know that if he can be convincing enough.

Once, he was travelling with Harley in the front passenger seat when they got pulled over in the early hours. He played dead as Harley desperately tried to get him to wake up to prove to the increasingly freaked out cop that he was alive and just had a "medical condition". After calling for backup and getting Harley on the floor, when the cop opened the side door Perry went "BOO!"

The cop shot him.

They had to kill the cop and bury the body to preserve the Masquerade before backup got there, because while they can cover up Perry's clan bane with "it's a medical condition", it's a lot harder to cover up a bullet through the chest.

Perry thought it was hilarious. Harley, who's a lot more squeamish about killing innocent humans and destroying the lives of their families and loved ones for the lulz, didn't think it was funny at all.

(Elisa backs up Harley but privately also thinks it's hilarious, except for the bit where they had to kill the cop. "It's one thing to kill to protect ourselves, it's one thing to kill because we're hunters eating our prey, but it's completely another to set up a human to die for your own amusement. Don't do that again."

"I didn't kill her for the lols, I just didn't think she'd -"

"SHE WAS A COP OF COURSE SHE WAS GOING TO FUCKING SHOOT YOU, YOU DUMBASS.")

Yeah, that prank did damage his relationship with Harley for a while.

BUT sadistic prank notwithstanding, he actually has a pretty good relationship with Harley. Harley wasn't sure about the stinky Samedi at first, but was too much the southern gentleman to be anything but polite about it. He quickly got used to it and saw Perry for the lost kid he was. Because Harley was in his forties when he was Embraced, he was pretty calm and difficult to faze, so he was able to rub off on Perry and help calm him down over time.

Perry and Harley were both furious at Lettow when Lettow came back to Tucson. The way Harlow saw it, putting Elisa through her First Season was completely unnecessary and Lettow could have properly vetted her, and also a huge risk to the Masquerade. The way Perry saw it, if someone of a different clan can put her own life on the line (due to the Accounting) to take in a complete stranger who'd been a Masquerade issue for nothing in return, the least Lettow could have done was look after his own fucking childe.

They were even less impressed when Elisa got sexually involved with him and then romantically, because they saw it as Elisa wanting the security of having a sire and Lettow exploiting that. Elisa, meanwhile, didn't appreciate being infantilised. She defended Lettow because "he kept an eye on me from a distance", and he left caches for her to discover and arranged for her to have jobs when the courier jobs started drying up. Harley and Perry were like "gee, how generous of him."

Perry was like "if I knew her standards were that fucking low I'd have asked her if she'd changed her mind about not going out with me"

Lettow was on thin fucking ice with the two of them for a while, and it took time for them to realise his feelings for her were sincere and that he wasn't going to abandon her again. In the meantime he rarely took their bait and let their attacks and accusations roll off his back - as an elder he rarely took things personally, understood it was between Elisa and her childer, and wanted to respect that she wanted to maintain some peace. Part of it was also due to guilt and self loathing. But he was also glad she had two very protective childer to watch her back, since he knew that safety and support was very important to her.

Harley and Perry also threatened to Fight Him, which caused Elisa to double facepalm bc one, Men, and two, elder with super strength and fortitude. Lettow just thought it was funny but also took the opportunity to bait them on being young and rash. He didn't resist ALL the time.

Lettow and Perry would never be close, but they came to respect the place the other had in Elisa's life, and even came to rely on each other every now and then.

[saberspirit]

jiang cheng character analysis essay under the cut! bc he means a Lot to me (its 5 pages im sorry)

tl;dr my thoughts on his relationship to his parents, his relationship with anger and feelings of inferiority, what zidian represents to him, his siblings (largely about what led to him and wwx falling out), and my thoughts on reconciliation between him and wei wuxian in the end.

tw!!! for child abuse and death, also warning for spoilers for the ending. 

alternatively can be read on google docs for accessibility

foreword: by writing this it is not my intention to imply this is the end all be all interpretation, or that i know more than fans of colour (especially chinese/chinese-american fans). i’m looking at his character as a white fan and through a western lens. i understand there are nuances i wont understand, but i have tried and continue to look at him w/ an educated view point and i’m always trying to continue my own self-driven education. i’m as always open to criticism and correction, although i understand it is no ones job to do so. it’s purely an interpretation from someone relating to his themes that i talk about here. thank you for reading! 

Jiang Cheng has a very complicated relationship with his parents (understatement), though different from Wei Wuxian’s complicated relationship w/ them (some overlaps being given).

It’s obvious to me that JC identifies more as his mother's son than his father's—feels he has to be because surely that’s why he feels neglected and like he’s constantly being found wanting by his father (even if Fengmian does Not mean to come across that way and isn’t a cruel man). He identifies with his mother’s anger and feeling of not being what his father truly wanted or loved and I don’t think he realized the effect she had on him with her constant comparison game—trying to measure him up because Madam Yu used him as a playing piece in her constant warring with Fengmian and instilled a sense of otherness in him and his deep-rooted feelings of inferiority and not being Good enough, not being enough in general. And yet he still deeply loves them even through all that he’s been through because of them both.

He never grew up learning how love should be in a relationship; should be from a parent to a child. The love he learned is a different type of conditional love from WWX's (WWX being that he doesn’t trust it in the first place, knowing it will leave). JC receives love and praise but knows it comes from a silent arrangement: it’s transactional. He upholds what his parents want and he gets…a form of it. Jiang Fengmian loved him in a way that you just kind of do love family, perhaps without a real reason otherwise—not pretty, but it is as it is. Madam Yu loved him in a way one loves a possession: she saw too much of Jiang Fengmian in him and JC was a reminder of how unhappy she was and how much her husband didn’t seem to care about her or what she gave him. (This isn’t to downplay Yanli's role in JC’s life: I think she was truly the only one to show him unconditional love in a way that he understood and recognized but it's unfortunately different from siblings and fell on half-deaf ears when all JC really wanted was his father’s approval).

Madam Yu was (afaik) stated to not be physically abusive (aside from the whipping when the Wens came from Wei Wuxian), but she was one-hundred percent verbally and emotionally abusive (for example, punishing WWX w/ isolation from the family w/ seclusion, or in general just how she talked to JC and WWX). She broke those two boys and it's something that can’t be undone…and Zidian represents that trauma, abuse, and expectation and JC’s anger and resentment that was the product of it. It’s literally lightning in a whip form; able to bind without harm, but it’s primarily used to hurt; it can reveal a true form; control over it is only relinquished to one’s family and loved ones.

JC doesn’t just lash out verbally at Wei Wuxian when they meet in his second life, he literally does. It’s his anger under his skin like static, driving him forward and being unable to rest because he’s constantly looking for closure he can’t have. He resents how his parents and Wei Wuxian made him feel but it’s also the only thing he has of them, and he clings to that (and therefore Zidian). It’s the last thing, bar Lotus Pier, that he has of his family anymore, and he wields it like a weapon…because ultimately it’s the only thing he's known for a very long time. Anger is an easy emotion. He wears it well. It was an emotion he learned from his mother, and he is his mother’s son.

As a side note for Zidian: Jin Ling refusing to take it from JC in the Burial Mounds to me was very much about not wanting a goodbye. He's a stubborn kid—JC mirrored what his mother did to him in handing off Zidian before certain death, and I think Jin Ling realized "take care of Zidian" meant "because I can’t anymore". JC wanted Jin Ling to stay safe and keep a hold on their family's legacy, but Jin Ling refused it and stepped forward to protect JC—JL is tired of goodbyes and afraid of losing more people, but also that stubborn streak to protect his family back. He went into the fray himself even if it’s not what JC was asking him to do (but then to JC’s chagrin the kid never really does do what he asks usually, Jin Ling has a good head on his shoulders and he’s as stubborn and quick to anger as his jiujiu but he’s also as incredibly loyal and caring). And I think it's a good vehicle to show that JL is breaking that cycle for them both.

Back to Jiang Cheng and anger and his siblings though. Yanli is all about showing affection in her words and actions (ie. meal sharing, peeling the lotus seeds, etc). WWX struggles to show it in forthright actions, let alone verbalize it (he’s truly bad at it) so while WWX does love his brother and shows it in actions like giving him his golden core…it’s not something JC picks up on well, or at all because he doesn’t even get told about the core until the Guanyin Temple. Jiang Cheng is someone who needs verbalized confirmation and very obvious action. But then to be fair, JC is also not good at verbalizing his love and care (he and Wei Wuxian are two peas in a pod w/ this one). It’s often behind barbed wire because 1) that’s how it was shown to him and 2) because it’s safer and easier to hide behind anger. He really does use it as a shield to protect his real feelings because he’s used to his feelings being trivial and being thrown in his face, and is used to loss. It’s a buffer.

This leads to a problem: Wei Wuxian does love him unconditionally, but I don’t think JC knows that. When he’s faced with the golden core surgery after everything, it’s definitely obvious, but it’s so twisted up in being hidden from him, in his own fears and feelings of failure and reliance that it’s soured. And he struggles to reach out and be frank with his own worries.

And this leads and lends to the severity of their falling out (not the only cause, but a big player in it).

He deeply loves his brother, but it's also entrenched in his bitterness and fears. If it was initially hard for him to verbalize because of those issues (on top of being a teenager/young adult and his feelings of inferiority irt WWX), he’s now in the current day steeped in sixteen years of loss/grief/trauma. Of unresolved tension between the two of them because WWX never told anyone anything—even if that’s just how he is, nothing personal towards JC except maybe that it’s his little brother, his shidi, and he doesn’t want to put a burden on those he loves—and JC tried time and time again to believe him and in him.

The problem was that his trust got thrown in his face time and time again. His older ‘peers’ (clan leaders) mocked and insulted him to his face for his naivety, pointed out that what WWX was doing was an insult to JC and their family, that WWX’s actions disrespected him and that he should do something about it. WWX’s actions themselves alongside him never letting JC in on anything further isolated them and put walls between them. This sewed the seed of the idea for JC that maybe he was naive. That WWX couldn’t uphold his duty and promises to JC and their family while also upkeeping his own personal code of ethics. (Not that it helped that Jiang Cheng also started lashing out at Wei Wuxian in minor ways for not having Suibian, but he didn’t exactly know why, to his credit).

His trust was him trying to care for WWX through all they’ve lost, but he’s also under the immense pressure of leading and rebuilding his home while also being looked down upon for his inexperience and ties to the man the cultivation world loathes.

Jiang Cheng believed WWX when he said he'd help him, wanted him to and expected him to. That’s his big brother and ultimately family comes first, so it was out of the question that WXX wouldn’t uphold that duty to him. Jiang Cheng is barely an adult as Sect Leader and was still a teen when they lost everything, so of course he wanted to rely on and believe Wei Wuxian when he said he'd help. JC doesn’t usually rely on others—I’d wager he hates relying on WWX especially as a callback to the inferiority complex—but he lets WWX in when they have the “Twin Prides” talk, lets him in when he promises JC to help him rebuild their home…and then WWX lets him down several times.

Post Burial Mounds there are signs that JC notices, if not consciously then subconsciously, that something is off with his brother (the demonic cultivation, the flute, the lack of Suibian, his weakness when pushed, etc), little things that he noted but didn’t have the time during a War to think too deeply on. He’s more relieved to just have him back where he can see him, happy that his brother can help them. Jiang Cheng gives him his vote of confidence in his abilities, in him, because he never thought of WWX or his methods badly (having been a fan until it became a symbol of losing Wei Wuxian to Something Else). Even if he had thought something of it, did have a concern, they don’t easily talk to each other now.

That much is obvious when after various meetings post the Sunshot Campaign as WWX is struggling with his temperament and resentful energy, after WWX saves the Wen remnants from the Jin Clan, and Jiang Cheng shows up at the Burial Mounds. He still believes in Wei Wuxian, still is bound to help him, and wants to help him. He’s willing to sacrifice the Wens for his brother. His actions and words are not pretty, but by god is he desperate. Jiang Cheng wants to save him and hides it with harsh words because once again he’s not good at being forthright with his feelings. He’s at his wits’ end, he’s barely 20, and suddenly he's losing Wei Wuxian too. It’s not about them being Wens because at this point he’s aware they’re helpless—it’s because it’s WWX and he’s supposed to make the right decision and be competent. It’s freshly post-war and he’s scared: his big brother is leaving and he feels powerless and he Hates that. Once again feels like he’s not good enough. Not good enough to save WWX, not good enough to lead, and he’s under intense scrutiny. He tells WWX as much that at this point he can’t help, and it hurts him to not be able to. Jiang Cheng wants Wei Wuxian to help him, help him. It’s an admittance wrapped in hurt and hurtful words, and WWX throws it in his face because he can’t let him in.

It’s not meant in any malicious way. Wei Wuxian is also traumatized, scared and hurting and dealing with the changes demonic cultivation is causing within him. But this is a key moment when JC for once verbalizes his fears and WWX tells him, ‘good, you don’t need to worry, I don’t have anything to do with you from now on’. (And of course, WWX is doing this to protect JC, but this response is what JC is afraid of).

So we have two times that JC has tried really hard in his own ways to let WWX in. To rely on him and be honest with him and WWX ends up…breaking his promises and leaving him and their family behind. And to me, that explains his actions when the last time they speak before he dies (that we’re shown anyways). WWX is sitting down with Jiang Cheng and Yanli. JC is the one that set up them being able to meet him, the one that reached out even after they fought to make his defecting from the Sect look convincing. He was the one that told Yanli that WWX should be the one to give a courtesy name to her child.

And then WWX brings Wen Ning. Yanli is open to Wen Ning sitting in and enjoying their family tradition, but JC can't understand why. Why WWX chose these people over his own family. He resents it. When he says "you might not be able to come back, to your family" I can imagine how much it destroys him to hear WWX say "but the people I’m returning to are also my family". Because what does that make them, WWX’s siblings; what does that make the promises and the years spent raised together, the duty he had to them first. Wei Wuxian might return to the Burial Mounds, but Jiang Cheng has to return to an empty Lotus Pier. The ghosts of his parents and ghosts of memories of his siblings he’s never getting back (because Yanli will be in Jinlin Tai after her upcoming wedding).

Repeatedly over and over Jiang Cheng reaches out, but time and time again it’s like WWX is telling him he’s not enough: not enough for WWX to rely on, not enough to protect him, not enough for him to want to return to, not enough to be family.

Then the cultivation world comes for WWX and his amulet. Yanli is killed, as far as JC can tell, because of the mess WWX made, and once again he’s in the dark about everything. Then WWX dies and rumours swirl that JC killed him, and maybe he did, maybe he is his brother’s killer even if Wei Wuxian would call it a misunderstanding. He’s left alone with an orphaned nephew in Lotus Pier with his entire family, bar an infant, dead.

So Jiang Cheng spends the next sixteen years without answers, with WWX having reinforced his insecurities and fears that stemmed from the abuse he'd suffered during childhood and then died. Yanli died when she never should’ve been in danger in the first place, seemingly because of Wei Wuxian. And he's so angry. He lashes out at memories and reminders, lashes out at anyone who chooses that same path that WWX chose over his family.

By the time Wei Wuxian’s come back from the dead and JC knows it’s him, WWX is still deflecting, still hiding still not telling him the truth. The fact that WWX comes back at all hurts purely as a fresh opening of the old wound, but the fact that he doesn’t come to find JC, that once again JC and his family isn’t a priority and once again is second best (this time to Lan Wangji)?

He doesn’t kill his brother. JC sits him down in a room and tries to talk but old hurts rile up and he reaches for anger again. WWX isn’t forthright and it makes it worse, neither of them are good at communicating: too many things unsaid, that can’t be said, too many misunderstandings and neither of them knowing how to talk about it. JC has Fairy there and it’s a minor act of revenge. JC uses what he knows is WWX’s weakness to intimidate and immobilize him, but it doesn’t help either of them actually talk.

Reconciliation is going to require WWX being able to talk to him without deflecting and JC getting angry so easily. But by this point, he’s given WWX a lot of chances and it’s why I think they could and would easily post-canon. Jiang Cheng's starting to come to an understanding that WWX did and still does care about him. He didn’t give him his golden core for no reason, and JC starts to understand why WWX did it for him and that he knew JC well enough to hide it in the first place.

He started to reach that conclusion shortly after Wen Ning told him—oh the pain of it having been WWX's chosen little brother figure—and Jiang Cheng had gone around asking people to unsheathe Suibian. It's why he brought Chenqing to the temple in the first place.

I think it speaks to his maturity that he decided at that moment he couldn’t say what he wanted to tell WWX in the end. I think he knew neither of them was ready, but I also think it speaks of how much he misses and trusts WWX to have let him go for now…I think he knows they will meet again as long as they both live, and that they'll be better for having waited. After some time to think, digest, they’ll be ready to be family again and all that entails.

[alexius-fr]

Chapter 5 - The fires of betrayal

Click the link for the AO3 version, or enjoy below the cut :)

His skin was on fire.

His blood coursed palpably through him, searing hot when Rowan's wings spread themselves out wide. There wasn't enough room in the lair for the full wingspan of the large imperial, but that didn't seem to bother him. His blind eyes darted wildly, the blood magic churning in his veins. Sanguine couldn't move, the power of Rowan's magic binding him in place. It was a haunting experience, yet primal in it's nature, making every inch of Sanguine's body tingle. The sensations and the smell of blood were overwhelming, to the point that Sanguine nearly passed out, bordering on the brink of consciousness.

Vision going dark, he felt his whole body starting to lean more heavily on his legs, head spinning. He tried to signal to Rowan, but he was too caught up in the ritual and did not hear Sanguine's weak whisper, Sanguine's heart slowing dramatically, eyes fluttering shut and his body slumping to the squishy floor. The last thing he heard was a gasp, then darkness took hold.

When he woke, he was covered in something stringy, soft and warm. He jerked his head up, blowing the substance out of his face. It appeared to be Rowan's mane, the hair covering both of them as Rowan had gone for a nap right next to him. Had the imperial passed out during the ritual as well? No, he was positioned too deliberately for that. Sanguine felt strained, his body hurt, a tad cold as well. It was that cold part that made him stay where he was. Rowan was a living furnace, warming him up with his body, that was coiled carefully around him. There was no harm in staying put a few more minutes, recover from the whole ordeal.

Sanguine wasn't exactly sure what had happened, what Rowan had seen or done during the ritual, but he didn't feel different, apart from his weariness. Part of him wondered what had made him trust the ancient Imperial with this in the first place. Why had Rowan wanted to perform this ritual? What purpose did it serve? He supposed he would find out in due time, now that he hadn't actually been killed by it. He hadn't even really considered that he could die during this. And he was a bit shocked to find out he didn't actually care. He could've died, sure. But then what? His clan was rebelling against him, so what harm was there to just disappearing? Then they would finally find out how hard it was to lead a clan and lead it well. They thought Silas could do better? Let them find out the hard way how wrong they were.

But he was alive, and he was pulled from his thoughts of self loathing by Rowan's stirring body, a dismayed moan rumbling through him. Sanguine took a look at the imperial's scarred face, wondering what had inflicted such terrible damage to his eyes in the first place.

“Someone pressed my face into the Wyrmwound.” Rowan mumbled. Had he read Sanguine's mind? “Yes.” “Stop.” Sanguine said, frowning disturbedly.

“I can't.” Rowan yawned, lifting his head. “We're connected now. That's what the ritual did.” “What? Why?” Sanguine asked, worming himself out from under Rowan's coil. “I don't know.” Rowan said with a shrug.

“What do you mean you don't know?!” Sanguine snapped. “I didn't ask for this!” “Nor did you try to stop me. Or ask me what I was doing beforehand.” Rowan frowned with a hint of playful sass. He had him there, though.

“Tch.” Sanguine tisked and turned his head away from Rowan's peering white eyes. He had no answer for him.

“Were you hoping for an easy end by trusting a seedy seer to perform an obscure and possibly lethal ritual on you? Sorry for dissapointing.” Rowan said, his expression intrigued. “But it'd have been a waste of such a handsome dragon.”

“Who dunked your face into the Wyrmwound?” Sanguine asked, ignoring the attempt at a compliment. Rowan rose to his feet, yawning again. He shook his body, his dirty mane dropping several bits of old dirt and whatever else was stuck in there. Sanguine felt a bit antsy, knowing that mane had just been draped over his body. He'd have to bathe when he got back.

“I don't remember.” Rowan replied truthfully. “They're probably dead. At least I hope they are.”

“Or what, you'll kill them?” Sanguine frowned. “And how did you survive being dipped in acid?” “I survived through Her will only. I saw Her great eye blinking back at me under the surface of that horrible pool. It was the last thing I ever saw with my own eyes.” Rowan said, Sanguine intrigued.

“She's been speaking to me ever since.” Rowan leaned in closer. “She tries to speak to you as well, but you deny Her. Deny your legacy. It will catch up with you, wether you like it or not. You can't run forever.”

“But what if I no longer see the point in running?” Sanguine spoke, done caring about how weak he'd probably look if he admitted to his depression. “Or the point of even continuing?”

“So you're just giving up? Why? Sure your brother is rebellious, and your clan doubts you. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise. Rid yourself of the doubters, continue with only those who are true to the cause.” Rowan said, as if it was that simple. But Sanguine found himself liking the idea, none the less. There wasn't a time he remembered that he was ever without Silas. And going back to face him almost felt stifling, like it was choking him. Would it not be nice to be free of him?  

Rowan looked amused. “You are considering it.” Sanguine did not respond, still in his head about it. Rowan cocked his head and observed, wings out slightly so his rune eyes could see. Sanguine looked back at them and found that he was no longer weirded out by their stare, instead finding something strangely comforting about Rowan's presence.

He'd gotten used to the carved runes, the blind stare, the slightly off focus angle of Rowan's head. And beneath that messy mane, and the scars, was a  smart, powerful dragon. Wether it had been the ritual or the fact that he'd not experienced physical contact for so long, he felt something drawing him to the imperial.

“Would you like to stay? Just a while longer.” Rowan asked, a warm tone to his voice. “We could talk a bit more. I'd like to know you better.” “Don't you already know everything?” Sanguine frowned. “Your blood, sure. But I'd like to listen to your tale from your mouth. You have a nice voice.” Rowan was hardly subtle, the years of loneliness had likely left him a bit socially awkward, but Sanguine did not mind. Instead, he smiled. “Thank you. I think I would like to stay a little bit longer.”

“I'll get us something to eat. I'm famished after that bloody ritual.” Rowan grinned at his own pun and Sanguine rolled his eyes as he made himself comfortable, but couldn't stop a little smile.

-

When he left Rowan's lair the following day he felt strangely rejuvenated, energetic. Rowan followed him outside, his wings spread as widely as possible to take in the environment. “It's been ages since I went outside.” Rowan stretched. “It seems the land has moved on, Her influence spreads slowly but surely.”

“It does feel good to be back.” Sanguine admitted.

“Does that mean you'll come back one day?” Rowan asked, a suggestive nature to his question.

“Maybe. If you promise to wash your mane.” Sanguine teased with a wide grin, Rowan pushing against him. “Fine. You may have a point there.” he admitted, blowing strands of hair out of his face self-consciously. Sanguine chuckled, pushing back with affection.

“I will come back.” he promised. “Soon.”

“Good. I'll miss you.” Rowan said, surprisingly honest. “I always thought I would hate having company in my lair, but..  well, I don't hate yours.”

“Just a mild dislike, then?” Sanguine suggested, Rowan chuckling.

“No. I liked it. Be careful out there, and come back in one piece.” he said, with a hint of worry.

“I've faced hotter fires than Silas, don't worry.” Sanguine comforted him. “I should leave if I'm to make it back in time before sunset though.” “Of course.” Rowan said, a little dissapointed. The two shared an affectionate headbutt before Sanguine stretched his wings and prepared for take off. Rowan watched him, echoing a soft roar of goodbye. He watched until Sanguine had become a dot on the horizon, sighing as he walked back into his lair.

It was awfully empty here now, without Sanguine's presence to fill it. But it wouldn't stay empty for long, Rowan smiling as he curled up, magic filling his mind and body with a gentle glow.

-

The lair was in uproar when Sanguine returned, Silas out front speaking to his clanmates. Khadiyah was next to him, the golden rings that decorated her horns gleaming in the sunlight. Sanguine was intrigued, landing a little bit further away to be able to listen in.

“We were not meant for this. We don't belong here. And to stay here because Sanguine's got cold feet about returning home? I say we don't have to take his leadership at face value anymore. He's been leading us for a long time, not always to the best of results. You know that as well as I do.” Silas preached. “We shouldn't be denied our home because of an old man's fears.”

“Aren't you just as old?” Lethe asked, with a frown.

“We are two months apart!” Silas snapped. “It makes a world of difference. I am clearly more fit to lead. He's old, traumatized, scared. He's outlived his usefulness. We can be better without his melancholy dragging us down.” he spoke passionately, obviously committed. “We do this the way we know how. Like Plague dragons. Because that's what we are. Weakness can not be tolerated. Even if it comes from our leader. Especially if it comes from our leader.”

The other dragons seemed unsure, though some were openly nodding. The fire in the pit crackled hard and cast high shadows upon the rock behind them, coating everything in a hard orange glow.

“Why are you so reluctant to stand up to him? Do you think he will harm you if you try? We are all faster, stronger, better fighters than him.” Khadiyah said, spirited. “He won't stand a chance if we all leap upon him. If we use the strenght of the pack.” She was supported by many, nods and murmurs travelling through the group. “His time is done. Join us, and together we will make a strong clan. A true Plague clan, under new leadership. A fresh start, with a Queen and King who honour our traditions!” she spread her wings and roared, others mimicking her.

Ever a flair for the dramatic, Sanguine decided now was a great time to emerge from hiding.

“Oh, am I interrupting?” he asked, glibly. Khadiyah pulled up her lip as a warning, but Sanguine was focused on Silas.

“Sanguine.” Silas said, surprised. “You're back. I thought you'd left.” “But I've returned, as I always do, to my clan. What is this?” Sanguine looked around. “Gathered to hear the heresy my little brother is spouting? Are you all really so eager to leave?”

“Honestly?” Almediha stepped forward, her gentle voice determined. “Yes. We were promised a new home. A new clan, a stronger clan. The wait has made us all anxious. Why do you even want to stay here?” “There is something here I must set right before I can move on.” Sanguine said. Nobody knew he was talking about Zephyr, and his mother Ziray, of course, but he didn't want to drag them into this now. So he kept it vague. “But we don't want to wait for that.” Azrael said, his gleaming green skin flickering in the light of the fire. Traitors blood.

“They want to go home, Sange.” Silas said. “Just like me.”

For a long, tense moment, the two brothers stared at eachother. Sanguine had taken comfort in Silas' presence from the moment they met, knowing he had someone he could always trust at his back. After all, who better than his own brother to support him? He always enjoyed their snarky banter, even if it grated on him sometimes. Had they truly changed so much that this was the only direction they could go from here? Silas seemed convinced it was, eyes gleaming with purpose, his mate directly behind him, and behind her, their child. He supposed Silas had different priorities now. He couldn't even really hate him for it. But it stung none the less. For five years, they had faced their problems together. But it seemed that time was at an end.

“Go, then.” Sanguine said, the words grave out of his mouth. “I don't want to fight you over this.” “Because you know you would lose.” Khadiyah hissed.

“No. Because I don't want to hurt the one dragon that has been at my side through all of it, despite his reluctance to do so. Despite his rebellion. You are still my brother, and I will not turn to fratricide. If you must leave, if that is what you really want.. then go.”

“Wait, you're not going to fight me on it?” Silas asked, taken aback. “You're right. I'm old. Tired. If you think you can do better, please do.” Sanguine said, shaking his head. “But I'd like to walk away with my life. Survive, adapt, overcome. I need this as much as you do. Perhaps to grow we need to go our own separate ways.”

“..Yeah. Perhaps that's true.” Silas agreed. “Well.. I guess, goodbye then?” he still seemed baffled, unsure how to hold himself.

“Goodbye, Silas. Lead them well.” Sanguine nodded solemnly, turning around. He retreated into the lair under the baffled stares of his clanmates, the silence respectful and stunned. This was not how anyone had expected this to go down. They were expecting a fight, or even just an argument. But Sanguine was done giving others what they wanted. He felt relief at the realisation that after tonight, nobody would be depending on him anymore. He could do what he wanted, truly, for the first time in many years. It gave him a sense of freedom, listening to his former clanmates leaving,  The sound of their wings slowly disappearing into the night.

[itachi-uchiha-deserved-better]

Just imagine Kakashi catching wind of Naruto disappearing- Hiruzen doesn't make it public, because if the rest of the Elemental Country finds out that Konoha doesn't have Her Jinchuuriki anymore who knows what might happen? But Kakashi, despite his grief and the soul-crushing self-hatred and self-loathing, still wants to make sure that Minato's son is alive, so when he goes to check the boy is just... Not there anymore, and from then on he simply starts taking every single mission that has to do with rumors about Naruto being somewhere

(And Mikoto, for all that she was a housewife since Itachi's birth, is a vicious woman. She's protective and she's cunning and she's smart in a way that speaks of an almost genius-like brain, and people often underestimate her because they think that Fugaku is the real brain of the two, but really, the world couldn't be more wrong, and she is incredibly skilled in keeping her four precious people away from Konoha's radar in a way that makes even Jiraiya have trouble on picking up trails)

And when Tenzo first and Shisui after are assigned to his squad, Kakashi almost expects them to change team after a while, because surely someone with a sane mind would grow tired of following false trails and empty, fake sightings, often used to tend traps, but they don't, and Team Ro gets mostly known for their never-changing target: finding Konoha's supposedly stolen Jinchuuriki

Itachi and his family sees them often during the years. Sometimes they're hidden well enough that Team Ro doesn't find them, and sometimes they have to flee to not get taken back to Konoja as traitors. The first time Team Ro sees either Mikoto or Itachi with the Sharingan they're like "Holy fuck what the hell are getting into" and it's Shisui who brings up the fact that the Uchiha clan head's family disappeared more or less around the same time Naruto got taken away

It’s one of Konoha’s most closely guarded secrets. If the rest of the Shinobi world new the truth, they would see it as weakness and Konoha would have a target. The official story is that Naruto was placed with a family outside of Konoha for his protection and as far as the village knows, the family of the Uchiha clan head died in a house fire (there are whispers that it was arson, carried out by the Anbu. There is some truth to that, as the house was set on fire and it was Anbu who set the blaze but really that was more to cover up the disappearance) 

And Kakashi knows it’s all bullshit. 

He knows there is no way that Hiruzen would let the jinchuuriki out of his sight. So when he finds that Naruto is gone, he knows that something is very very wrong. And it’s the only thing he can do to honor his sensei to figure out what happened to his son, and bring him back if possible. 

Kakashi encounters Mikoto first. Officially the mission is after an unnamed missing nin. This is before Kakashi becomes an anbu captain. It strikes him as odd that a search and destroy of an unnamed missing nin is an S ranked mission that needs a full anbu squad, but it isn’t his place to question it. 

Finding the woman isn’t hard. She is shopping in the market of a quiet out of the way village. She doesn’t seem aware of their presence. Once again, Kakashi gets that weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something about this isn’t right. 

The woman is carrying a bundle, and the squad are arguing about it’s contents. Most of them believe the bundle is concealing weapons. 

Kakashi is the one who sees the shock of blond hair sticking out of the bundle. Its impossible, but it’s so distinctive. 

The feeling in his gut gets stronger. 

The team leader gives the signal once the woman turns down a less populated ally. The feeling in his stomach makes Kakashi hesitate just a moment before he reacts. 

And by the time he gets in, the rest of the squad is on the ground and the woman is pulling a Kunai out of his captain’s chest. She turns to look at Kakashi and he sees the infant in the bundle and he has no more doubts about what is going on, “Give him back.” 

It’s foolish. To threaten this woman who so easily dispatched his team. But Kakashi knew he was better than them anyway. And he was prepared to do whatever it took to bring Naruto home where he belongs. 

Mikoto is poised to strike, but Kakashi is only a few years older than Itachi and she recognizes the boy from Minato’s genin team. She shakes her head. She closes her eyes and when she opens them, Kakashi sees a flash of red and a wave of exhaustion rolling over him. 

Sleep.

And in the second before Kakashi hits the ground, he swears he sees a sharingan in her eyes. 

From then on, Kakashi’s only focus is on tracking the woman down. He tries to convince the hokage about the sharingan and is summarily dismissed (although he does catch the way Hiruzen’s face pales when he mentions it, so he knows that what he saw was real) 

He doesn’t see her again for a long time. He gets close a few times, but she’s always gone before Kakashi can get there. Kakashi gets promoted to captain. He finds Tenzo and rescues him and Tenzo joins team Ro. 

Not long after, Kakashi gets a new lead. A blond haired boy, a dark haired woman and a dark haired child on the border of the land of wind who attacked a patrol from the hidden sand village. Hiruzen tries to forbid Kakashi from taking the mission. But Kakashi disobeys and he takes Tenzo to go after them. 

This time, he sees Itachi, standing protectively in front of two young boys, one with black hair and one with that same distinctive blond. They’re surrounded by sand shinobi. Kakashi and Tenzo leap in to fight off the Sand Shinobi and by the time the fight is over, Itachi and the boys are gone and Tenzo is looking at Kakashi with a curious look. 

Kakashi has dozens of other run-ins with either Itachi (who is frustratingly good at suppressing his chakra and disappearing) Fugaku (who is more of a caretaker in this AU since Mikoto is really the one who keeps them safe) or Mikoto before Shisui finally joins team Ro. 

Instead of joining Anbu to spy on the village, Shisui is placed in the Anbu in order to find the clan head who abandoned the village. Neither Hiruzen nor the Uchiha clan can allow those sharingan to remain outside of Konoha’s control or risk them getting taken down by another hidden village (for fear of the secrets their bodies would reveal.) 

And since Kakashi won’t leave the issue alone, Shisui is assigned to team Ro and their official mission becomes tracking down Naruto. 

They’d been tracking the family for close to a month when they manage to get close. 

Mikoto had gone into town to buy supplies and the trio found Fugaku and Itachi training together in a clearing with Sasuke and Naruto sitting nearby. Kakashi goes after Naruto. Shisui goes after Fugaku. Tenzo hangs back to support which ever one needs backup. 

Itachi and Fugaku’s sharingan’s flair to life in unison as Itachi moves to protect Naruto. 

Kakashi has no idea what to make of this, other than to notice the way that Naruto and the other dark haired boy seem to hide behind Itachi. 

Shisui doesn’t even flinch. 

Team Ro is getting the better of the fight. Itachi is strong, but Kakashi is simply more experienced than him, although Itachi doesn’t tire as quickly with the use of the sharingan. Shisui outmatches Fugaku but Mikoto was close by and she quickly intervenes in the fight.

While Kakashi is embattled with Itachi, Tenzo slips in and grabs Naruto who starts to cry. Itachi immediately turns the full power of his sharingan on Tenzo, taking a kunai to the side from Kakashi as he hisses out- “Get away from my brother!” 

Tenzo falls to the influence of the sharingan and Kakashi darts over to protect him. With Mikoto by Fugaku’s side, Shisui is forced to retreat. 

Fugaku picks up the younger boys as Mikoto scoops Itachi up in her arms. Both sides retreat and as soon as they’re safe Kakashi rounds on Shisui, demanding answers. And Shisui explains about his mission and the missing clan heads. Shisui doesn’t know the whole story, but it confirms Kakashi’s suspicions that the village knew about Naruto’s disappearance and when they get back to the village, Kakashi starts digging deeper for answers and what he finds only makes him angrier. 

He finds the records of Mikoto’s petition. All Hiruzen had to do was say yes and things would have been so much different. Naruto would be in the village, with a family that cared for him, with Kakashi to watch over him. Hiruzen was going to condemn the boy to be an orphan.

[trensu]

Episode 29: The One where WWX is the Grandmaster of Self-Loathing and It Kills Me

~THEIR SONG~ IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND ALREADY

WHICH MEANS WE’RE STARTING THE EPISODE WITH QUALITY WANGXIANTICS

Actually the whole episode has High Quality wangxiantics and then it guts you with depressing feelings ahahaha 

bc apparently we’re not allowed to have nice things without Suffering™

So they’re sharing a meal at some meal-selling place in Yiling (idk guys, is it a winehouse? a teahouse?? An inn??? DOESN’T MATTER)

Lwj and wwx are sitting on either side of the table looking somber

I guess they’re feeling awkward maybe??

Idk why, it’s weird

A-Yuan starts frolicking around lwj and wwx gets all antsy about it

He’s all hey, stop bothering lan zhan, come here!

And A-Yuan is all like, NO, I DON’T WANNA and clambers oNTO LWJ’S LAP

IT’S TOO ADORABLE

Wwx starts to scold him but lwj is like NO NO, THIS IS FINE

Wwx teases a-yuan

He’s all, oh, i see how it is, you’ll just chuck me to the side for anyone who’s willing to buy you stuff, huh?

Like i said before, a-yuan is a smart cookie

Then a-yuan takes a seat and goes to town on a bowl of soup.

I understand, a-yuan, i love soup too.

And then he calls wwx to get his attention SO HE CAN SPOON-FEED HIM A BIT OF HIS SOUP AND IT’S TOO CUTE 

Wwx is like, oh, so you DO still love me!

Lwj watches this go down and then informs A-Yuan very somberly of the lan fam rule “no talking during meals”

That’s RIGHT

LWJ JUST DAD’D THE HECK OUT OF HIM

A-yuan continues to chow down on his food but definitely stops talking

Wwx is offended and aghast that a-yuan obeys lwj so easily and he complains to lwj that he has to repeat himself SEVERAL TIMES before a-yuan listens to him

Lwj: silence during meals. You too.

Wwx just smiles at the ridiculous rule and continues talking

Wwx: you haven’t changed one bit. 

Wwx: you know, i know my way around this town, i can be your tour guide!!

Lwj pointedly does not take him up on his offer AND I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, IT’S NOT LIKE HE DOESN’T WANT TO SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT WITH WWX ANYWAY

Wwx: lan zhan, you’re a terrible liar. You aren’t in town for me, are you?

And still lwj doesn’t respond??? 

IT’S BECAUSE OF THAT STUPID LAN FAM RULE, ISN’T IT??

TALK TO YOU SOULMATE, DAMN IT

WHO CARES IF YOU’RE HAVING A MEAL WHILE YOU’RE AT IT

Wwx: you know, i was gonna invite you over to my place but if you’re just gonna nag at me about my demonic cultivation and how i should meditate or whatever, then forget about it

Wwx: i can control myself! I don’t need anyone to save me.

Lwj: wei ying

Wwx: lan zhan, i finally bump into someone i know who doesn’t try to avoid me...it’s been a boring couple of months, why don’t you tell me about any big events happening?

Lwj: what do you mean by big events?

Wwx: idk, like if there’s any new clans or if any clans expanded or made new alliances...just chit chat! Anything is fine.

Lwj: a marriage

Wwx: a marriage? Which clans? 

he sounds so excited to get some juicy gossip here

It’s not gonna last long

Lwj: the jin clan and jiang clan

Wwx: do you mean my sister---Lady Jiang and Jin Zixuan?

Oh god it HURTS

He corrected himself when he called jyl his sister

BECAUSE HE’S NOT PART OF THEIR CLAN ANYMORE

And then he plasters on a smile TO HIDE HOW HURT HE IS THAT THIS IS ALL HAPPENING WITHOUT HIM and asks when the wedding will be

WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE TWO WEEKS AWAY

And his face iS ALL SAD AND HE’S STILL TRYING TO MUSTER UP SMILES 

He’s all, such a big event and jc didn’t even try to tell me about it!

Wwx: even if he told me about it, what could i do then? I defected officially and have no ties to them. What could i do if he had told me?

Wwx: *chugs wine*

Alcohol, wwx, we’ve talked about the alcohol thing. Please stop drinking.

LWJ CAN’T EVEN LOOK AT HIM RIGHT NOW BC HIS SOULMATE IS HURTING AND THERE’S NOTHING HE CAN DO TO MAKE IT BETTER

Wwx: lan zhan, what do you think about this marriage? Oh, right, you don’t care about this sort of thing.

Wwx: i know everyone says that my sister doesn’t deserve jzx, but in MY eyes, that peacock doesn’t deserve her! 

He slams down his wine jar and his voice gets all upset 

And little a-yuan reaches out and grabs wwx’s wrist TO COMFORT HIM, PRECIOUS DARLING BABY

Wwx: She deserves the best man in the world!! JC and i promised her a grand wedding that would be remembered forever!! No other wedding would compare!!

Wwx: and it doesn’t even matter because i won’t be able to go anyway.

AND HE HAS THE SADDEST SMILE ON HIS FACE 

Obviously he takes another swig of wine here because alcohol makes everything better in wwx’s book, which is a lie but since when does anyone listen to me

Lwj: wei ying

And lwj was about to say something else but they get interrupted by wwx’s home alarm talisman informing him that’s something going down in the burial mounds

So wwx grabs a-yuan and dashes out the door

Lwj is quick enough on his feet to remember to pay for the meal and grab a-yuan’s toys (very important, very important, it’s why a-yuan likes him right now) and then follows wwx

Wwx: lan zhan, why are you following us??

Lwj: wei ying, where’s your Magic Ghostbusting Sword?

Wwx: uhhhh...i forgot it at home?

Lol, lwj doesn’t even bother to respond to that. He just grabs a-yuan and runs with wwx all the way back to the burial mounds

OH NO, THERE’S RESENTFUL ENERGY EVERYWHERE BEATING PEOPLE UP AND MAKING A MESS OF THINGS

Holy crap, wwx does this really impressive Dramatic Twirl and magically slams the resentful energy away

HE’S SUCH A BADASS

IT’S ALL IN THE ~TWIRL~ BABY

Lwj hands a-yuan off to granny while wwx gets the low-down

Turns out Wen Ning sort of woke up but is not, like, all there or smth idk

It’s sad seeing wen ning all violent and mean like this when he’s such a gentle soul :(

ON THE PLUS SIDE, we get to see wwx and lwj work together to save him!!

Surprisingly, the flying here is not super cringey, it’s only mildly awful

LWJ HAS GOT HIS GUQIN OUT AND PROCEEDS TO GUQIN THE HECK OUT OF WEN NING

Also, i love how it kind of looks like he “powers up” his guqin attack by making that circular motion over the strings? The accompanying music from that motion really makes it seem like it’s charging up. I like it.

While lwj is guqin’ing wen ning to stay in one place, wwx goes ninja-fast and slaps like, ALL the talismans on wen ning and activates them simultaneously

And between the two of them, they manage to save wen ning from being a mindless zombie forever!! I mean, he’s still a zombie but he’s got his mind back! EVERYONE’S REALLY HAPPY, INCLUDING ME.

Wwx to wen ning: how are you feeling?

Wn: i feel like crying

LOL ME TOO WN THAT’S USUALLY HOW I FEEL LIKE WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME THAT

Wn: ...but i can’t

Oh.

I take back my lol

Not being able to cry when you want to is actually super depressing.

Lwj: you did it *is impressed*

Wwx: of course! I’m a man of my word. Hey, since you’re already here, why don’t you visit for a bit?

Cut to wwx and lwj walking into the cave that wwx calls home

Lwj: ...it’s called the demon-subdue palace?

Wwx: YEP! I named it myself!!

Wwx: now, i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking it’s a terrible name, BUT THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG

Wwx: see, i know everyone thinks i’m, like, evil or whatever and this is the place i sleep most often. 

Wwx: a cave with a demonic man lying down in it all the time? Of course it should be called demon-subdue palace lololol

Me: *facepalm* stop….stop naming things, wwx.

Wwx: let me show you around!

I would like to point out that they walk past the ONE BED in the cave to start the tour

This ONE BED in this SPECIFIC CAVE has featured in many a wonderful fic! And should continue to feature in many more wonderful fics

Wwx: this here is my Blood Pool! It’s where i heal up and buff my stats, just like you have your Cold Spring! Except mine has water that smells like blood and comes out of that creepy giant stone face thing

Lwj looks rightfully concerned

And also, i am offended on his behalf that wwx would compare this creepy ass pool to the cold spring. How very dare.

Oh man, they’re about to have a Serious Conversation

BUT IT’S BETTER THAN THEIR LAST SERIOUS CONVERSATION

Because this time they actually talk things out

(see, lwj can learn from his mistakes!)

Lwj: wei ying...can you really control it?

Wwx: control what? Wen ning? Of course I can! Look at him, he’s all better!

Lwj: what if he loses himself again?

Wwx: i’m a pro at handling his rampages now. As long as i have Plot Device 2, nothing will happen to him!

Lwj: but what if something happens to you or Plot Device 2?

Wwx: it won’t

Lwj: how can you be sure?

Wwx: it won’t and it can’t!

Lwj: you want to keep it this way from now on?

Wwx: what’s wrong with that? Don’t underestimate this land! It’s bigger than YOUR land and the food here tastes better too!

Lwj: wei ying, you know what i mean

Wwx: lan zhan, i’m trying to avoid the topic and you keep talking about it!!

Then their Serious Conversation gets derailed bc wwx starts coughing. Which might not seem like a big deal but it is

Lwj: your injuries…

And here lwj grabs at wwx’s wrist but wwx yanks it back real fast

Bc the wrist is where they check for spiritual energy or smth and we all know wwx doesn’t have that anymore, since he GAVE UP HIS GOLDEN CORE

Wwx: no need. Why use spiritual energy for such a small wound. I can just sit here and let it heal on its own

LOL, WE’RE GETTING A FUN BIT HERE TO MAKE UP FOR ALL THAT SERIOUS STUFF BEFORE

Wen Qing walks in and is all, what, my badass doctor skills aren’t good enough for you? I could totally heal you

Wwx: what are you doing here interrupting my date with lwj. Are you done crying already?

Wq: i’ll make you cry

Wwx: pffft, yeah right

Wq: *goes and hits wwx in the back*

Wwx: *coughs up blood*

Yeahhh, i wouldn’t want to go toe-to-toe with wen qing unless she asked me to and then i would happily do whatever she wanted

Wwx: you’re so cruel! *swoons like some maiden*

Lwj: wei ying! *catches him all gallantly*

WWX YOU LITTLE FAKER, YOU JUST WANTED LWJ TO HOLD YOU

And we know this bc wen qing pulls out her Very Scary Medical Needles and wwx wisely RUNS AWAY even tho he was all “passed out” two seconds before

And after that fun bit, the show makes me sad about tea somehow. I don’t even like tea.

Wwx is all, wen ning, why are you serving our guest water?? How embarrassing, go get the tea!

And wen ning is all, but there’s no tea??

Then wwx is like, well we gotta get tea for next time we have guests

There’s a hella awkward pause

Wwx: that’s right, we won’t have any more guests…

THIS STUPID SHOW IS GIVING ME FEELINGS ABOUT TEA

MY ONE TEA OBSESSED FRIEND HAS BEEN TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL STUFF FOR TEA FOR YEARS WITH NO SUCCESS

AND THIS, LIKE, TWO MINUTE SCENE MADE ME SAD ABOUT TEA

Anyway.

We cut to the next scene which has wwx walking lwj out of the burial mounds and we’re getting another Serious Conversation

Wwx: lan zhan, you asked me if i intended to keep things the way they are now. Tbh, i also would like to know what else i could do besides this.

Wwx: give up my crafty tricks and turn over Plot Device 2? What happens to the Wens? Do i turn them in? I can’t do that.

Wwx: i believe if you were me, you wouldn’t be able to do that either

WHY IS HE SUCH A GOOD PERSON. WWX IS BETTER THAN ALL THE OTHER CULTIVATORS PUT TOGETHER

Wwx: can anyone give me any better options? One where i can protect those i want to protect without using demonic cultivation?

He says this so passionately. HE JUST WANTS TO PROTECT PEOPLE. HE’S WILLING TO DO OTHER THINGS IF IT MEANS HE CAN STILL PROTECT PEOPLE BUT HE CAN’T!!! AND I AM DISTRESSED.

Lwj doesn’t say anything in response.

He knows wwx is right and there’s nothing he can do to make things better for him

Wwx: lan zhan, thank you for your company today. And thank you for telling me about my sister’s wedding

HE SAYS THIS WITHOUT LOOKING AT LWJ AND HE LOOKS LIKE EVERY WORD HIS HURTING HIM BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL WORDS HE’S USING TO SAY GOODBYE AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO LWJ.

And before i can start crying, A-Yuan appears to make me feel better!!!

He’s latched onto lwj’s leg again (bc i mean, honestly, who wouldn’t??)

And he’s asking lwj to stay for dinner!!

Wwx: a-yuan come here. Lan zhan has his own food at home. He won’t be eating with us here.

A-yuan: but i heard a secret! I heard there was going to be lots of tasty food today!

Wwx scolds a-yuan for half a second before turning to look at lwj WITH THE MOST HOPEFUL EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE

HE WANTS LAN ZHAN TO STAY FOREVER FOR DINNER TOO

But for some unfathomable reason lwj looks at a-yuan and says that he is leaving.

WHY

YOU WANT TO STAY THERE TOO

WHY MUST YOU TWO MAKE THINGS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME YOURSELVES

Wwx gives this stiff, sharp nod like, yeah, of course of course, i knew that, this doesn’t kill me inside AT ALL

Lwj walks off and wwx + a-yuan make their way towards the burial mounds

A-yuan: will the rich man ever visit us again?

Wwx: what rich man?

A-yuan: the one from just now!

Wwx yoinks the toy butterfly from a-yuan’s hand here

Wwx: you really like him that much, don’t you?

And he holds the toy out of reach and teases him

A-yuan: give it back! He bought that for me

Wwx: no! I won’t give it back until you say i’m your favorite

And this entire adorable scene is being watched by lwj who is just a ways away 

I’d say he’s lurking like a creeper, but Hanguang-jun is too honorable and handsome to be called a creeper by anyone ever. 

BUT he is lurking. 

He looks all solemn

A-yuan tells wwx what he wants to hear and gets his toy back.

Unfortunately wwx’s distraction tactic didn’t work

A-yuan: so will the rich man come back or not?

Wwx: probably not

A-yuan: Why??

Wwx: there’s no reason why. In this world, everyone has their own paths to walk.

A-yuan: oooh

Lol, he nods like yeah, i totally understand what you’re telling me bc i’m a big kid who can know things. HOW CUTE!

AND HERE WE GET THAT QUOTE. THAT IMPORTANT ONE. THE ONE THAT IS LATER USED AS A PUBLIC LOVE CONFESSION.

Wwx: who needs the crowded, broad avenue? I’ll stick to my single-log bridge until it’s dark.

Lwj is still here, watching. And he hears wwx say this.

Lwj doesn’t turn to walk away for real until wwx and a-yuan are out of sight

HE WANTED TO SEE THEM FOR AS LONG AS HE COULD

I’M TOTALLY NOT TORN UP ABOUT THIS

I’M CHILL AND COLLECTED FOR REAL

Then we cut to wwx arriving back at the demon-subdue palace where there’s a surprise dinner party!! 

AND A-YUAN GETS SO ADORABLY EXCITED OVER THE ABUNDANCE OF FOOD, I LOVE IT SO MUCH i get excited about food too, a-yuan!!

This whole thing here is very sweet and this is when we really see wwx accept the wens as his family rather than as his moral obligation

As the @theuntamednarrator said, they gave him homemade liquor! That’s the one guaranteed way to our sunshine boy’s heart!!

It’s all super sweet, like i said, until wwx gets himself plastered. Then it takes a turn towards the Hella Depressing. 

I really want to skip over it because it really is HELLA DEPRESSING AND STILL MAKES ME LEGIT CRY ACTUAL TEARS EVERY TIME I WATCH IT 

but i can’t because it’s got some wangxiantics and this is a wangxiantics guide

So everyone at the dinner party drinks until they pass out, basically. 

Except for wen qing, who is completely sober, and wwx who is an alcoholic with an inhumanly high tolerance apparently

He’s all flushed and red-eyed tho

Wwx: wen qing, the first time i saw Lan Zhan was when i snuck Emperor’s Smile into the Cloud Recesses

He laughs here, remembering; it’s all cute here for a bit.

Wwx: it’s too bad you didn’t see his face, his stony face...but the emperor’s smile is really good. I wonder if i’ll ever get a chance to drink it again

And his entire demeanor changes here. He started out more or less cheerfully reminiscing about his first meeting with lwj but in that last bit his whole posture droops and he gets the saddest look on his face

Wen qing notices this, but is kind enough to pretend not to by focusing on wiping down that table.

Wwx: i’m a good for nothing

OH GOD

Wwx: i promised my sister i would help her hold the most splendid wedding in the world

FUCK, HERE COME MY TEARS

And wen qing fucking freezes here eVEN SHE KNOWS THIS IS GONNA HURT

Wwx: but now, i can’t even attend the wedding

Wwx: i’m completely useless, i am completely useless

SHIT, GOD DAMN IT, I DON’T FUCKING WANT TO CRY WHERE ARE THE GOD DAMN TISSUES 

Wwx: i am completely useless

HAVE MERCY, HAVE MERCY ON MY POOR HEART, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

So while i’m fucking sobbing out every ounce of moisture in my body, we cut to the cloud recesses and we see lwj kneeling in front of a set of closed doors

(we’re not going to dwell too long on that because i’m already in fucking shambles from two seconds ago and i can’t handle any more Family-Related Sadness right now)

He’s on his knees, with his arms outstretched holding two long, heavy bamboo sticks

There are disciples scurrying around and avoiding the scene, like oh shit, better not get in the middle of that

Lwj’s head is ever so slightly bowed, still as a statue, and completely blankfaced

And we get ~their song~ BUT WITH VOCALS THIS TIME

THE FIRST TIME WE HEAR THE VOCALS WITHIN THE SHOW

YOU KNOW

THE VOCALS THAT ARE SUNG BY THE ACTORS PLAYING OUR BELOVED LWJ AND WWX???

YEAH

THOSE VOCALS

BECAUSE I WASN’T FEELING ENOUGH INTENSE EMOTION YET

The scene starts off in the daylight and we see him enduring this punishment 

HOURS go by bc it’s dark and there’s a good inch of snow accumulated around him by the time some random lan cultivator dismisses him

Lwj gets up GRACEFULLY (bc that is his default mode, i guess?? HOW??) and there’s a literal patch on the ground completely devoid of snow bc that’s how long and still he kneeled there for, holy shit.

And he walks away calmly

There’s no more wangxiantics in this episode

But show-runners decided they didn’t want to COMPLETELY DESTROY OUR SOULS just yet so they give us an anticlimactic but kind of cute ending to the episode 

We get to see that there are “yiling patriarch disciples” who are actually frauds in terrible cosplay trying to sell mediocre talismans at high prices

and wwx is all “who the heck are these guys, wait, i don’t actually care”

We get to see that the wens are slowly starting to prosper in their little corner of the burial mounds

Also, somebody built a shrine and left food offerings at the entrance to the burial mounds?? Which, hey, wwx doesn’t say no to free food and neither do i because what kind of crazy person turns down free food??

And, i mean, that’s basically it?? Like i said super anticlimactic

SO WHO ELSE HERE IS SITTING IN A PUDDLE OF TEARS NOW? ANYBODY?? ANYBODY???? PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME CRYING BY MYSELF, THAT WOULD BE PATHETIC, I CAN’T HELP IT IF I HAVE A HEART FULL OF FEELINGS

Return to Masterpost

[iximaz]

Running thoughts on The Mandalorian Episode 8

This episode summed up in one word: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???!!!

I’m only gonna say it once: MASSIVE spoilers beyond the break!

THEY PUT BABY YODA IN THE BAG ASDFGHJKL; YOU MONSTERS aw cute point of view shot from inside the bag but also HOW DARE YOU

DID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY HIT MY BABY 

did you seriously do it TWICE

Okay these two troopers have big Taika energy and as much as I already hate them I’m laughing my ass off

These two trying some target practice to pass the time can’t shoot for shit and I’m living for it

That other trooper be like

Okay it’s not just me who heard that trooper say “Oh my god”, right??

You go Baby Yoda, you bite that mean trooper WHO JUST FUCKING PUNCHED YOU WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM I HOPE THEY DIE

oh my god IG you better show them what’s what

Breaking that fucker’s arm after he hit Baby Yoda yesssssss

IG is an icon and i love him

“The Mandalorians have a covert down in the sewers” oh that’s neat so that’s where it was

“If we can get down there, they can help us escape” uhhh Dyn how long has it been since they said they’d have to relocate buddy

Oh the troopers are getting out a big gun thing this is fine they’ll just miss with it anyway

...What the hell kind of sewer has access inside a bar lounge?

can we just get more footage of cara with her big gun being sexy and stuff please

SHE’S FROM ALDERAAN HOLY SHIT WHAT

HE KNOWS THEIR NAMES OH SHIT

!!!!! SPELLING CONFIRMED IT’S DIN DJARIN MY MAN I NEED TO GO EDIT MY FANFIC NOW BUT AAAAAAAA

“Night of a Thousand Tears” is this just me or does this just sorta feel like Kristallnacht like seriously yikes and also oof

Ughhhhh I hate Moff Gideon so good job writers on that I absolutely loathe your villain well done

“Mandalorian isn’t a race.” “It’s a Creed.” FUCKIN YES THANK YOU THIS IS SOMETHING FANS WON’T SHUT UP ABOUT

baby din is so precious and i wanna feed him cookies and tell him it’s gonna be okay send help please

ARE THOSE DEATH WATCH MANDOS OH MY GODDDDDDD

Baby Din being carried away via jetpack my heart

Oh man so the Purge would have happened semi-recently which means Din’s clan are a more orthodox version of the Way that’s neat aw shit Imma have to tweak my fic again aren’t I

Baby Yoda and IG-11 on the bike together are just stunning

“I am fulfilling my base function. ... To nurse and protect.” YOU GO NURSE DROID IG

Greef downing shots thinking he’s gonna die is honestly such a mood

hnggg yess more of Cara being sexy AF

MOFF JUST BLEW UP MY HUSBAND HOW DARE YOU

Cara yes RESCUE HIM PLEASE

“If you go near this child, I will have no choice but to kill you.” ME TOO

Oh shit oh shit that’s chunky blood

Not good not good not good

Din baby please you can’t die this is your show

oh god is he gonna need to take the helmet off

oh no he’d rather die than take it off

he wants cara to protect his baby send help

“the foundling” BABY YODA IS CONFIRMED HIS SON NOW AAA

BABY YODA REDIRECTING THE FIREBALL YOU’RE DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

Din asking IG to kill him nooo ;-;

The episode’s only half over and I still haven’t seen some of the trailer shots how’re they getting out of this

oh

oh m

my god

“No living thing has s-seen me without m-my helmet since I s-swore the C-Creed—” Din stoppit stop stuttering and dying you’re breaking my heart

Oh no is this gonna make him stop hating droids so much is this a loophole is this not can he not be Mandalorian is he g

oh my g

Din baby look at what they’ve done to you

(internally: oh my god he’s hot this is not fair imma die send help my ovaries am become explode)

HE’S SO EXPRESSIVE WITHOUT THE HELMET

his reaction to IG’s attempt to make a joke like my god aaaaaaa

I’m just gonna go cry seeing all the helmets and armor piled up here if we’re gonna continue the Jews parallel this is like all the shoes you see at Holocaust museums and I bet this was 100% intentional

Din just slowly falling to his knees seeing it :(

Oh thank fuck the Armorer is actually alive and the preview scene wasn’t from a flashback!

She knows about the Jedi~~~

Din: “So you mean this thing is my baby now?” Armorer: “Bitch haven’t you been watching the entire show”

For real this brings my heart so much fucking joy I can’t even

“You are a clan of two.” ASDFGHJKL; AAAA

HE GOT THE MUDHORN AS HIS SIGNET AFTER ALL

“Have you trained in the Rising Phoenix?” JETPACK?

“When I was a boy, yes.”

JETPACK!!!!!!

BABY DIN LEARNING HOW TO USE A JETPACK ART NOW PLEASE AAA

Also okay so like he says nobody’s said his name since he was a kid but apparently the entire clan knows it? What? Did I miss something? Guys?

Maybe he’s never heard the name from people outside the clan? Fuck it, that’s what Imma go with

Oh my god the Armorer beating the absolute hell out of those Stormtroopers I am so gay for her right now aaaaa

Cara watching Greef and Din trying to move the boat and then she just shoots the dock it’s on XD

aww the little R2 unit’s got little arms WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING IT’S GOT LEGS TOO??

Din: “I don’t suppose anybody here speaks droid?” IG-11: “bish u wot m8″

God the convection from this lava river’s gotta be brutal

omg fire ferrets good bois good bbs

...Literally everything about IG’s death and Din starting to overcome his hatred of droids just in time to watch his savior self-destruct to save them all hurts so hard, jesus christ

oh shit it’s the Moff in a TIE

“Come on, baby! Do the magic hand thing!” Greef you absolute icon i love u

Baby Yoda just fuckin waving back at him and cooing im ded

oh shit it’s motherfuckin JETPACK TIME

wait how’s he wearing it over the cape won’t the cape burn up

Nvm he’s got the cape slung over one shoulder now

HE FLYIN HE FLYIN HE FLYIN

aAaAaAaAaAaAaA THAT CAN’T BE GOOD FOR HIS ARMS

hahaha Moff get fuckin REKT (no way he’s dead though people climb out of worse crashes than that all the time)

Okay Din using the jetpack is way sexier than it should be can he just take me now please i thirst

Cara becoming Greef’s enforcer is just perfect and I hope we see more of these two in the next season also sweet Din is gonna find his life a lot easier now that he’s not running from the Guild

BABY YODA WANTS TO BE PICKED UP BY HIS DADDY MY HEART AAAA IT’S JUST LIKE WHEN DIN WAS SAVED AS A KID

He made Kuiil a grave im not crying ur crying

is he gonna name the baby Kuill

Baby Yoda has the pendant he gave Cara!!

HE GETS TO KEEP THE PENDANT DIN HAS ACCEPTED HE’S GOT A SON AAA

And now we pan back to the wreck where Moff is climbing out of it

or not

fuckin Jawas, man

Now Moff?

wait

oh

my

g

w

o

OH

MY GOD

IT’S

IT’S THE DARKSABER!!!!!!!!

[chicagocityofclans]

Arthur ‘Art’ Milligan Jr. → Hal Ozsan, Ellen Page, Brett Dalton, Daniel Gillies → Human Shifter

→ Basic Information 

Age: 287

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Asexual

Birthday: November 5th

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio 

Religion: Atheist

→ His Personality In his adolescence, Arthur Milligan Jr, was a person who could not stay out of trouble. As the younger of the two brothers, Arthur was something of a black sheep to Michael Milligan's golden child; he made unwise, reckless, often selfish decisions. Arthur was an outgoing, rebellious party boy and as a teenager, he got into some legal trouble, including one incident of stealing a local mayor's form performing multiple elusive acts. Arthur embodied a petty and jealous nature; he had an affair with Michael's girlfriend while using his brother's form. That was the last straw and his family had had enough; he was sent to join the clan of distant cousins, Marco and Giuseppina Cipriano and their son, Jev. It was after this incident that Arthur noticed he was different. He had never wanted someone romantically or physical. All of his conquest had been out of revenge or spite; Arthur lacked the normal sexual attraction to others and had no interest or desire for sexual activity besides inflicting pain. Arthur did stop his sexual quests but it only increased his desire to start fights and ruin lives. 

However, after his near-death experience with a vengeful ghost from his past, Arthur became more introverted, apathetic, and cold, as well as infatuated with ghosts and the afterlife. His obsession led him to Roman Cleirigh, a warlock with the power of evocation and his gaggle of ghosts. It took decades but after spending time with Roman and his ghost, Arthur soon regained his sense of trust and loyalty. Arthur often stews in his personal feelings of self-loathing due to his difficult past. It sometimes causes him to believe that he does not deserve to be friends, or consider most of them family, with the people he is attached to. Despite Michael being one of the inspiring motives for his reckless behavior in his teen years, Arthur still cares for him, to the point that when Michael disappeared, Arthur employed everyone both supernatural and not, to aid in the search. 

→ His Personal Facts

Occupation: Criminal Investigator 

Scars: On All Shifts/Forms 

Tattoos: Depending on the Shift/Form

Two Likes: Pizza and Outcasts

Two Dislikes: Manipulators/Users and Time Travelers

Two Fears: Being Shipwrecked and Temporal/Grandfather Paradox

Two Hobbies: Ghost Hunting and Spelunking

Three Positive Traits: Manly, Adventurous, Charming

Three Negative Traits: Prideful, Arrogant, Temperamental 

→ His Connections

Parent Names:

Arthur Milligan Sr (Father): Arthur sent him away while he was still a teenager. His father once told him he was a stain on their family name. 

Marco Cipriano (Father Figure): Marco is a distant cousin but raised Arthur like his own son. Their relationship has now moved past father-son and Arthur can genuinely call Marco his best friend. 

Michelle Milligan (Mother): Michelle did not fight for him when Arthur's father decided to send him away. She never loved him as much as Michael. He was only the spare son and treated as such.

Giuseppina Cipriano (Mother Figure): Giuseppina treated him like a son should be. Even after the couple had their own son, they continued to treat Arthur as their own. Arthur can be a little overprotective of Giuseppina since she prefers younger attractive female forms. She and Marco both look younger than him and their son.

Sibling Names:

Michael Milligan (Brother): Arthur grew up being compared to Michael. As an adult Arthur knows that the anger towards his brother was unwarranted. However, he cannot make amends since Michael has been missing for 250 odd years. Arthur knows he is out there and constantly changing his forms. Arthur just wants a verbal confirmation that he is okay and is not running from danger. 

Jev ‘Patch’ Cipriano (Brother Figure): Jev was born decades after Arthur joined the Cipriano family. He never felt left out or as if his place might be taken. Patch has been more of a brother to him than Michael. Patch alway handles his cases first and was the one who introduced Arthur to Roman.

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Greta Bow (Romantically Interested): Arthur has never shown any genuine interest in another person. However, Greta has been a constant buzz in his head for nearly a century. Sadly, his self-loathing and sexual confusion has kept him from pursuing her.

Platonic Connections:

Roman Cleirigh (Old Friend): They share the same interest in ghost/spirits and sexuality's. Roman is easy to hang out with and is always willing to randomly go on an adventure with him. Roman introduced Arthur to caving/spelunking.

Vincent Kane (Old Friend): Vincent was one of Arthur's first friends in the coven his parents sent him to. Vincent has always been there to help Arthur put the pieces back together when he screws things up or after a particularly bad fight. 

D.W Colt (Good Friend): D.W is one of the select few from the younger human shifters Arthur talks to on a friendly basis. He finds her wildly courageous and intelligent. Arthur knows about her dealings with the Colt family and has one of his forms tied in as a high school and college connection for D.W.

Winston ‘Sticks’ Abioye (Friend): Winston and Arthur get along well enough and share a mutual respect for one another, their clan and superiors. 

Churchill Darling (Friend): Arthur can also count on Church for his darker nights and activities away from the usual ‘right and wrong’. Church also offers Arthur a judgement free zone that most of the younger human shifters do not. 

Sirius Cobic (Friend): Arthur has acknowledged a long time ago that he looks for father figures in all of the wrong places. Sirius is far from being one of those places. Arthur has broken enough of their laws and started enough fights to be severely punished, however, Sirius keeps him alive and sees something in him.

Douglas Gish (Friend): Douglas is hilarious and keeps Arthur entertained. He is able to switch from joker to superior in a heartbeat to handle dire situations.

Angel Landyl (New Friend): Arthur stopped visiting newborns a few decades ago. Angel was among one of the batches he missed and has just been introduced to. Arthur believes he knew Angel grandparents and once worked alongside them. 

Eli Kohen (New Friend): Arthur met Ben during an outing with Winston and Douglas. They continued to share pleasantries while at work, have recently exchanged numbers and are planning on going out for drinks.

Colin Colt (Acquaintance): Colin is married to D.W, Arthur had a run in with them in the beginning of their relationship while test driving a new female form that Arthur will later call Artemis (Ellen Page). The form has taken on the role of a former high school and college friend. Colin and Arthur only share pleasantries and a few drinks.

Imani Anderson (Acquaintance): Arthur has dealt with with multiple Anderson hunters but Imani has always been the most pleasant to work with. 

Montgomery ‘Monty’ Wilders (Acquaintance): Monty is new and Arthur has yet to have the chance to hangout with him. Arthur and Monty have exchanged pleasantries around the department but nothing more, yet. 

Hostile Connections:

Ishtar Cleirigh (Fears): Ishtar is a time traveling warlock who is a part of the Cleirigh family. One day Arthur started a conversation with her that terrified him. After talking about temporal and grandfather paradoxes, Arthur is convinced that certain powers should not be in the hands of everyday people, immortal or not.

Nada Rajui (Arguing/Old Friend): Arthur and Nada were once good friends. However, with Venus' death and the disorder among the clan, Arthur and Nada haven’t been on the same page. Arthur had to bring in a few hyenas for questioning and that did not sit right with Nada. 

Mary Ametheon nee Stone (Stalker): Mary had made a few unwanted advances towards one of his forms. She did not know he was a human shifter but had become a stalker of that form. Arthur was forced to retire the form to keep Mary from finding out who and what he really was. 

Garrett Cleirigh (One-Sided Hate): Garrett may or may not hate Arthur because he joined Roman a few times in separating Garrett while he was disintegrated. Arthur does not hate Garrett; he just likes to see him angry and Roman laughing.

Belle Cunningham (Dislike): Belle mistakenly caused a city wide manhunt when she brought home a supposed possible witch; which they were not. Seekers/Liaisons usually contact them if they are taking someone underage or who would be missed. Belle did not follow protocol causing Arthur to be stuck on the case and messy coverup over a holiday weekend.  

Pets:

None.

→ History (paragraph(s) on background) → The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

[mdnightson]

                                                   BASICS

GIVEN NAME : edward anthony masen, jr CURRENT NAME: edward cullen BIRTH DATE : 20th june , 1897 BIRTH PLACE : chicago , illinois AGE : 21 / 123 SPECIES : vampire OCCUPATION : ‘college student’ - pre-law, composer MORAL ALIGNMENT :  true good

                                                 AFFILIATIONS

COVEN / FAMILY : olympic coven - carlisle cullen ( adoptive father ), esme cullen ( adoptive mother ), rosalie hale ( adoptive sister ), emmett cullen ( adoptive brother ), alice cullen ( adoptive sister ), jasper hale ( adoptive brother ) ROMANTIC TIES:  isabella ‘bella’ swan  OTHER TIES: denali coven, various nomads ENEMIES: newborn army, victoria, the volturi ( loosely ) 

                                  APPEARANCE & SKILLS

HEIGHT: 6′2″ BUILD: lean & muscular - athletic EYE COLOR: black ( when abstaining from blood / underfed ) , golden ( due to ‘vegetarian’ lifestyle ), green in human life HAIR COLOR: brown with russet tones PREFERRED HAND : left hand dominant COMPLEXION : fair & flawlessly clear EDUCATION : various degrees, at least 2 medical degrees ABILITIES: traditional vampiric abilities, improved speed, exceptional self control UNIQUE ABILITIES : telepathy MEDIA INFLUENCES : fitzwilliam darcy, edward rochester, the beast  ( disney’s beauty and the beast ) 

           CHARACTER ALTERATIONS & DIVERGENCES

there will be a significant number of tweaks that are made to edward’s canon due to my belief that they are more consistent with who edward is and should have been . these include , but are not limited to:

edward never tampering with bella’s truck in any way shape or form. bella is entitled to make her own decisions, and while edward does still err on the overcautious & protective side, he would never strip her of her own agency. 

the thinly veiled abstinence plotline does not exist in this world. it’s unhealthy and i don’t agree with it. while edward is traditional in many respects, and definitely more formal than the average 21 year old, he is not waiting for marriage. any hesitance related to intimacy exists purely out of fear of harming bella in the process. kay says let edward be horny in 2020. 

in a similar vein, edward is not pressuring bella to marry him at all. there are no ultimatums in place regarding bella’s potential change. he still wants her to live her human life, and would like to marry her one day, but does not hold those contingencies if she makes the decision to be changed. 

edward did not visit bella’s room without her knowledge beyond  one instance  - we’re not about that in 2020. when he did, it was a moment of panic over her safety ( as described in midnight sun ), and was the instance in which she said his name in her sleep. after that, he attempted to pursue her romantically in a more traditional fashion and did not return to her bedroom until it was with her consent and knowledge. 

he is absolutely still broody and withdrawn, but let’s not pretend he hasn’t had any fun in his whole 100+ years of existence. his family has been his whole life, as well as the friends he has made -- while he has been lonely, he has never been alone. 

he still thinks he doesn’t have a soul, and is filled with a lot of self-loathing, but it’s more closely related with personal hatred and remorse for the lives he has taken than hatred of his species. while he is dubbed as one of the vampires with more self control than others, it is because he is actively fighting what he believes to be a monster inside of him -- he cannot reconcile being both man and monster, and often defers to the latter. 

i guess this isn’t so much of a canon change but ?? edward is wildly insecure and unsure of himself  - - he’s also incredibly anxious. the suave persona we see in the books is just that. really he’s just a mess. 

edward’s ‘gift’ is much less of an asset than it is an incredible annoyance and frustration. he doesn’t take pleasure in eavesdropping on the innermost thoughts of others, and is often overwhelmed by tuning in to the anguish and pain from others. he has spent decades trying to fine-tune this skill and actually uses it as infrequently as possible around strangers, unless he absolutely requires it. his ability to control it is entirely dependent on his emotional state

TBA !

                                                 BACKGROUND

       mentions of childhood illness, anxiety murder, & suicide death below 

i am going to link the WIKI here, as most of edward’s history & personality remains unchanged , but i’ll also be giving a brief overview below, including some additions to his canon. 

20TH JUNE , 1897 - edward  is born the only child to edward and elizabeth masen. he is given all of life’s advantages due to his family’s wealth, but is estranged from his father. he is a rather sullen and often sickly boy - he becomes the center of his mother’s world, and music becomes the center of his. he is able to study with the finest instructors and discovers a virtuosic gift.

edward grows into a ‘fine’ young man, destined for a life just like his father. however, he isn’t like his father. he is sentimental, selfless, and kind where his father is stern, selfish, and withdrawn.  edward is able to bring out a smile in just about anyone, and though his wit is dry , he’s capable of making people laugh. he is a GOOD young man - - everyone says. he is GOOD.

THE GREAT WAR comes to a head, and edward ( driven by a sense of duty and bravery ) attempts to enlist. due to his childhood illnesses and the damage incurred on his lungs, he is deemed unfit for service. soon after, the first wave of the spanish influenza takes the life of his father. soon after, edward and his mother become ill. elizabeth begs the doctor responsible for their care to do what she cannot - save her son . death feels like a welcome friend after the suffering the illness had caused , but it does not come for him. instead, a new , excruciating pain . a rebirth - a living death. 

RESENTMENT - uncontrollable anger, uncontrollable thirst color edward’s first days in his new life. he does not understand the changes that had been thrust upon him. the only constant among the chaos was carlisle. carlisle and his goodness, his unfailing faith. suddenly , edward has a father , and his paramount goal was to make him proud. 

edward spends his days fighting the monster inside of him, riddled with an emptiness he could not name nor control. his talent, as carlisle described it, feels more like a curse than anything. he could read anyone -- understand their deepest most secrets, and yet he could not control or contain his own. his darkness was once again mitigated with a new light in the form of esme. esme, who reminded him so much of his own mother. esme, who had lost her own son & found someone to care for in edward. carlisle & esme and their unfailing goodness were almost too much to bear. he could not disappoint them. rather than subjecting them to emotions he couldn’t understand - he disappears. 

1927 - 1931 : the monster rears its ugly head. edward abandons a humane lifestyle and becomes judge & jury for the living. he kills - - and he kills many . he determines who is worthy of living , and seeks out those that deserve to die (  his first victim is esme’s tormentor , and tens of hundreds of men like him follow ). if he must be a monster , then he will seek out other monsters as well . eventually , his guilt consumes him and he returns , eyes crimson , to carlisle & esme . what he does not expect is their undeserved forgiveness , their unconditional love. he will forever be unworthy of such love , and this thought haunts him . he is a monster , but he must do better - - for them. 

the numbers of the cullen clan grow , and family replaces coven. they fall into a familiar rhythm - settling when they can , moving when they must . edward is grateful to be loved , to be forgiven , but he cannot find his own redemption. whatever heart of him is left goes to them - to his family. he is constant for them alone.  he watches their all-consuming romances blossom throughout time and cannot help but be reminded that he is alone . he fills his days  to the best of his ability , and time passes. 

2017 - the cullens re-settle in forks , washington . edward plays the part of recent high school graduate on a gap year in order to buy the family more time in their place of residence. time passes.

MARCH , 2018 a frozen life jumpstarts when isabella swan moves to forks. try as he might to protect her from himself , he is drawn to her. to her goodness , her intelligence , and her clumsiness. this , he realizes , must be what his family had found - - an inexplicable drawing near , the need to be close to someone. if his heart could beat , it would beat for her. 

but life is not that simple . she is fragile , and human , and he puts her at risk by simply being near her . loving her doubles that risk , and yet he does.  fiercely & unconditionally. 

MARCH , 2019  he loves her so much that he thinks it is better to leave her . he cannot see past what he is , and what he is capable of . he will not risk her life . when he thinks she is gone , he risks his . the volturi won’t take the life of a gifted vampire who has committed no crime , so he sets out to do it himself.  she , in all of her goodness , saves him , regardless of whether he is deserving of it .  but it comes at the cost - to save his life , she must sacrifice her own - - she must change. 

PRESENT  for the first time in his immortal existence , edward wants a life , and he wants to live it fully , but he cannot be selfish . he cannot subject bella to a life like his , and he cannot deny her her right to choose.  all he can do is love her with whatever soul he has left to love with , and protect her  ( and his family ) until his last breath . 

[this-haunting-hunger]

fic: don’t take this haunting home III

Wei Ying lives with many ghosts. It's usually not a problem. He used to be one himself, after all. However, ghosts have one glaring fault, and it is this: they are, by definition, people who refuse to stay completely dead.

And as far as Wei Ying is concerned, some dead people should stay that way.

Chapters: One, Two, Three

Content: angst, violence, ghosts

Pairing: Wangxian

Length: 5000

read on ao3

//

It’s a little funny, and a little unfair, how immediately he regrets his decision. In another place, he might even have laughed, the kind of laugh that stings the throat and barely keeps back tears or screaming. But Wei Ying isn’t doing any laughing, now. No crying, either. He’s just along for the ride.

And what a horrible ride it’s already promising to be.

He – they – are staring down at a crumpled heap of robes that spread out in pale lilac waves, a series of delicate purple petals, trodden on and discarded. Except that the petals are moving, little wracking shivers, and the dishevelled cascade of black hair masking the face of the man on the floor stirs with his violent, heaving breaths. Each sob seems to struggle to claw its way out from the man’s lungs, so broken that it’s impossible not to imagine that something is broken on the inside, too.

Besides, Wei Ying doesn’t have to imagine. Wen Zhuliu knows, and so does he. Jiang Cheng’s core had made no sound when it imploded, but the man had screamed, his last coherent plea leaping seamlessly from words to a tortured, animal noise. Wen Zhuliu remembers, and so does Wei Ying, deep in his chest and far beyond anything so mundane as an explanation, but not like this. Not as the culprit, standing over his victim with things like regret and guilt and pity flitting on the edge of consciousness, shoved there by colder realities, by things like necessity and orders and obedience.

It is a very good thing that Wei Ying had no ability to see this before he started Empathy, because if he had, the hate that’s crackling through his mind would have made it impossible to do anything but tear Wen Zhuliu apart. With his bare hands, if necessary.

As it is, Wen Zhuliu’s perspective is like a runaway horse, ripping him off his feet with his hands caught in the halter. He has no time to stabilize himself within the man’s memories. With a nausea-inducing rush, the scene changes, Jiang Cheng bleeding away in a blur of purple. While that disappearance is welcome, the face that comes abruptly into focus is not. If Wen Zhuliu thought his feelings of contempt and dislike as he looked at Wen Chao would make Wei Ying feel better about any of this, he was very mistaken. Actually, it’s a good thing that Wei Ying isn’t in control of this body right now, or they would have toppled over dead; he’s so enraged that he can’t breathe, the crippling heat catching in his throat and making him choke.

But his fury can’t touch the past. Wen Chao sits at the entrance of Sword’s Hall like he belongs there, and his drunken declaration about triumphing over Jiang Clan, along with the sight of the vicious tramp clinging to his arm, leaves Wei Ying seething in vain.

It’s clear they’re celebrating their victory at Lotus Pier, and Wen Zhuliu is part of the throng of soldiers, settled at their little tables as if they aren’t sitting on the stains of the blood they’d spilled only hours ago. Wei Ying is very nearly grateful the bodyguard doesn’t look around much, his eyes mostly set straight in front of him. It means that he only sees the strung up bodies of Sect Leader Jiang and Madam Yu in little glances, red-flecked moments so brief that he almost convinces himself they’re hallucinations. Stress induced nightmares. Almost.

The memory of disgust – almost physical repulsion – from Wen Zhuliu hasn’t faded any. Caught up in the man’s mind, Wei Ying can feel with cold clarity just how much he despises Wen Chao, even resents him. How much deeper that resentment goes, directed inwards and burgeoning into full blown self-loathing. The emotions are like sludge at the bottom of a pond, murky and stifling, and there’s nothing above it but the crystal clear waters of Wen Zhuliu’s self-control. Again, that ironclad necessity.

But necessary why? What makes him sit here and… The question splinters, dissolves into Wen Zhuliu’s mind as the man’s attention sharpens and he shifts to look impassively at Wen Chao. Wei Ying can’t hold on to his selfhood against the steady wash of foreign impressions he’s wading through. The next thought isn’t his own, though for a dizzying moment he’s not absolutely certain of that. It seems pretty similar to something that would cross his mind.

What does he want now? Should I wipe his face for him, the spoiled brat?

Wen Chao is saying something about taking a drink. About Wen Zhuliu deserving it, given his part in taking down Lotus Pier. More resentment and repugnance. More restraint. Wen Zhuliu reminds himself of the thing that he can never forget – the thing that he’s remembered so often that it has no real label in his mind, just sits there as an unexamined, formless fact – and curls his hand around the previously untouched cup. Brings it to his lips. And smells, almost immediately, the subtle, slightly-too-acerbic scent of the powder Wen Ning had poured into the alcohol.

Caught up in a sudden surge of emotions, drawn into Wen Zhuliu’s perspective, Wei Ying barely has the cognitive power to be confused, to wonder how Wen Ning had managed to drug everyone if the bodyguard had noticed his attempt. The thoughts flow too fast to completely follow, something like gritty shock morphing into speculative interest becoming vague approval. There’s a moment of hesitation, as Wen Zhuliu considers a scale of loyalty and humanity and decides which side weighs heavier. He doubts anyone could blame him for allowing this to happen, at least with any validity. That decides him. With something like a mental shrug that displaces all the suspicion and speculation, the bodyguard swallows the liquor in one quaff.

He tastes the powder as it goes down. Makes no move to alert Wen Chao. Just sits in calm acceptance, relief warming the icy self-disgust even as the drug billows out in soft clouds through his system. There’s no regret in Wen Zhuliu. He’s doing the right thing. Hopes someone will have the opportunity to rescue the boy he broke. Jiaying would approve. And Mingxia…

The hazy faces attached to those names melt as the memory does, too quickly for any kind of recognition or absorption, and Wei Ying loses them. Loses everything while they spiral into the next experience. More and more, he feels like liquid cupped in a palm, gradually trickling over the edges. Or – like blood from a wound submerged in water, seeping out and disintegrating in the overwhelmingly vast presence of something else.

That’s the danger in merging with someone else’s soul; do it too well or stay too long, and you start to forget where your scars end and the rest of the world begins.

Wei Ying he hears from a voice that isn’t his own but belongs to him all the same, and then Wen Zhuliu is seated on a bench in the shade of a pavilion. It’s off to the side of a walled courtyard, surrounded by a gorgeous bloom of flowers and trees cut through with minimal paths. There are a few people dressed in simple white and red robes strolling about the garden, and they bow to him with deep but friendly respect when they pass by. He returns the gesture, fondness softening the by-now familiar excitement of seeing Jiaying again. It is only a day visit today – His Excellency is taking a tour of the clans of Qishan, recruiting soldiers for the war efforts, and had given him leave for a brief detour – and he wants to make the most of their time together.

When she comes into view he immediately rises to his feet, not able to contain the slight grin that betrays his amusement at her awkward gait. Before she’s even a few steps into the garden, he is at her side, solicitously offering his arm. Jiaying takes it, but not without a scowl. She’s noticed his smile, and he schools his face into an expression of stoic attentiveness instead.

As they walk back to the bench and the shade, his wife leaning heavily on him, Jiaying’s tight grasp on his arm is his only indication of her delight. It is enough. They are neither of them keen on loud displays of affection, especially not in public, and simply sitting next to her, feeling her presence, is enough to have his heart leaping with joy. For several minutes they say nothing, just lean towards each other, let skin briefly brush as they drink in each other’s existence. It is enough.

(The intimacy sends Wei Ying reeling, even more unbalanced than before. This is a feeling that he has no shield against, nothing to keep him separate. It would be a pleasure to drown in such delight, and it becomes that much harder to stay apart. Wei Ying the voice is insisting, and it stirs something in his chest, something too similar to their joy to let him escape.)

Eventually she breaks the silence. “A-Shen says you’re only here for a few hours?” He inclines his head in agreement, and Jiaying sighs. “It’s not long enough.” Wen Zhuliu can only dip his head in further acknowledgement, and she does not press him about it more. “Have you been well?”

“I have,” Wen Zhuliu replies, reaching out and caressing her cheek in a quick, self-conscious motion. “And you? How has everything been?”

She respects his need to forget about the war, about his service to Wen Ruohan, to focus on her and nothing else. It is only one of the many reasons he loves her. “We’ve finally decided on building another teaching room off of Ink Hall. Zhao Feng tried to argue about who can attend – again – but we managed to get him to shut up eventually.” The way she rolls her eyes is just another reason for the affection singing in his chest. “With such fortune as the Zhao Clan has experienced, how can we do anything but give everyone a chance? Besides, I think people like Zhao Feng could have afforded to learn alongside peasants and common folk. I don’t believe he even knows how to start a fire without cultivation… unless his bad temper could manage it.”

A couple of young disciples are passing by as she says it. They freeze, and a moment later break out into giggles. Jiaying straightens with fake indignation, and it’s enough to have the juniors bowing to them. “Apologies for the interruption, Seniors Zhao,” says one, which earns him an elbow from his companion. She bows even lower and says pointedly, “Senior Zhao, Senior Wen.” It’s meant to be respectful. It almost doesn’t hurt. Without even glancing at him, as if she didn’t notice the correction, Jiaying flaps her hands at them, and the motion has the young ones hurrying on their way, still snickering.

Wen Zhuliu supposes he might discourage her from mocking the senior cultivators, but truth be told, Suntouched Sanctuary has never been a place for discouragement. The home of the Zhao Clan’s cultivators is one of openness, of exchange. Even Zhao Feng, more conservative than most, might have cracked a reluctant smile to see his students so amused. Besides, hearing his surname has taken enough of Wen Zhuliu’s pleasure from this day. He would rather focus on his wife and the place he left but never stopped loving.

They speak in that vein for a long time. He praises the garden she has gone to such lengths to nurture, and Jiaying glows under the compliments. Glows from something else, too, though Wen Zhuliu feels too nervous to broach the subject. Almost as though afraid that if he mentions it, the miracle might disappear. A silly notion, but one Jiaying seems to share. They dance around it – and around anything to do with his work for Wen Ruohan – and if there are two voids in the conversation as a result, it’s easy enough to fill. She tells him about all of the progress the village situated below the temple has made because of Wen Ruohan’s generosity, along with many improvements to Suntouched Sanctuary.

It gives him a quiet satisfaction, a soft reassurance, that everything he’s done has been worth it. There’s no starvation or fear or poverty here. He killed it with a simple oath. It was worth it.

(Was it? Wei Ying wonders, and genuinely can’t tell who the question belongs to.)

Finally, when it’s probably been too long already, Wen Zhuliu sighs. Of it’s own volition his hand – his harmless hand, the one that has never melted a core – reaches out, strokes her stomach through her pale red and white robes. It’s the cue they’ve both been waiting for, and Jiaying catches his hand with both of her own and presses him a little closer, splaying his palm against the bump that had been small the last time he’d seen her and no longer was. “She’s doing well,” his wife says with a proud smile, and he can’t help but shake his head in gentle amusement.

“She?” he asks, and her chin juts out rebelliously.

“She. You haven’t felt her kick, or you wouldn’t be so skeptical.” Just as she says it, he does feel something, a little impact against his palm, and his heart gives a strange, clumsy skip, like it’s trying a dance it’s never attempted before. Lips parted, Wen Zhuliu stares at his hand, so large against his wife’s stomach, and can’t think of anything to say.

Jiaying has always been good at speaking for the both of them. “She feels you. It’s her reaching out to you.” He thinks it would be a very ridiculous thing to start crying on this beautiful day. “Will you be back in time for…?”

The answer he needs to give sticks in his throat, so first he shakes his head. Her slump, barely perceptible, makes guilt take a stranglehold that’s even harder to speak through. “There’s too much unrest amongst the other Sects, and Sect Leader Ruohan has asked me to guard his younger son once we get to Sunless City. It is unlikely I’ll be back so soon, but I will return as quickly as I can. You won’t be alone for long.” Now his hand moves up, brushes against her cheek, and she leans into the touch before turning and kissing his palm briefly.

Lips still brushing his skin, she whispers, “I could come with you to Sunless City.”

He withdraws his hand, puts it tense and still on his thigh. “His Excellency has decreed that you stay here. It is a kindness.”

Her temper flares, and she stiffens. “A kindness to keep us separated? May His Excellency forgive me if I do not follow his reasoning!”

This is not an argument Wen Zhuliu can win, not without revealing too much. He cannot tell Jiaying about the countless families that have been forced to take up residence in the Sunless City. For their own protection, they’re told, but Wen Zhuliu knows that guest is just a pretty name for hostage. Wen Ruohan choosing to leave Jiaying in Suntouched Sanctuary is a sign of trust, of respect, one Wen Zhuliu is not keen to discard. He has seen the Sect Leader at his best – and he has seen him at his worst. Better to keep all of his loved ones distant from that.

Clearing his throat uncomfortably, he says, “You are protected and cared for here. I am not often in Sunless City, and at least here, you have your friends and your teaching.”

“I would rather have you! Even in pieces, your presence would give me more joy than anyone or anything here. Besides, I could teach in another place, make other friends.” He says nothing and she leans closer, catches his face with both of her hands. Jiaying’s eyes are fierce and dark and beautiful and he can hardly make himself meet them as she searches his expression for something he cannot give her. “Zhao Zhuliu, for how long will it be like this?”

“The emperor has given us so much, I owe him –”

“Everything. I know. I took your name for you, and you lost it for him. But how long will this last? Will your daughter grow up knowing your title better than your face? Will you be Core Melting Hand to her, too?” His jaw is too tight to work, his throat squeezed by too much emotion, and Jiaying’s eyes soften. “It has been close to a decade since you joined him, my love. Longer, if you count your training. And you have changed since then. Perhaps you have given enough.”

It will never be enough. That truth sits hollowly in his stomach and cannot be ignored. “A decade, and I have not aged,” Wen Zhuliu says quietly. “If not for Wen Ruohan finding me, seeing my potential and nurturing my talent, I would look even older than I do now. Even more mismatched against your beauty.”

“Do you think I care about how you look?” she demands as her hands drop.

“No. But I would not want to grow old, to die, to leave you alone forever. To leave our daughter too soon. Please, Yingying, believe me. I will be here for you, and for our daughter, too. We will put down the disobedient Sects, bring back peace, and then I will ask for an extended leave.”

Jiaying stands up. She still looks angry, yet it is the sorrow behind the anger that makes him swallow hard. “And you will be even more changed when you return. There will be yet more words you cannot speak, thoughts you cannot share, deeds you cannot admit to.” By now, everyone has vacated the garden, either out of respect or simply because of the late hour, and they are alone with the bitter accusation between them.

When he rises too, but doesn’t reply, his wife shakes her head. “The gods were kind to me the day I met you, even though you had no cultivation training. I do not think that they were so kind to you the day you met Wen Ruohan.”

That is too dangerous, too close to saying something she shouldn’t. “Jiaying…” he warns, and almost winces when she backs away from him. He wants to reach out to her, to close this yawning gap, but his hands suddenly feel too calloused, too numb, too big to touch her without breaking something vital.

(Hold her! Kiss her! Apologize! and it is truly impossible to separate the frustration and despair spanning between Wei Ying and Wen Zhuliu. It doesn’t matter. The past can’t be changed, even when it reverberates in the present. Even when the voice is still persistently, desperately alive, an anchor and an agony, all at once. Wei Ying, concentrate. Come back.)

Jiaying has always been able to stand on her own. It was the thing that first attracted him to her, so many years ago. She stands there now, and gazes at him steadily, one hand on her stomach. “I love you,” she says simply. “Forever. You are a strong man, my love, and a good one. But I did not fall in love with your power; I fell in love with your good heart, and I do not want to lose that.”

“You won’t,” he promises, desperate and reckless, as though it hasn’t happened already.

The words sit for a long time in silence, Jiaying tight-lipped and tense. Eventually she nods. “You should go now. I would not want to make you disobey Wen Ruohan.”

He really does wince this time, and maybe that garners sympathy, or maybe she’s longing to touch him as desperately as he’s longing to touch her. Either way, when Wen Zhuliu spreads his arms in mute, anxious appeal, Jiaying comes back to him. She presses her face to his chest, so small in his arms, and he holds her gently, mindful of their child, wanting nothing more than to keep them there forever. “I love you,” he says, because he can’t think of anything else worth saying.

“I love you too,” she murmurs, and he aches, gods, he aches so much, for things to be better, or different, or done, or –

She is the one to step away, her hands slipping down to catch his, and the smile on her face is at odds with the tears shining unshed in her eyes. Her voice is remarkably steady for all of that. “At this rate, our daughter will be born before you leave.”

He forces himself to chuckle. The sound comes out raspy. “Best save her from seeing my ugly face for a while longer. I’ll go now.”

Smiling, pale and abruptly tired, his wife nods. “Please be careful, my love. Come back soon. We’ll both be waiting for you.”  

Wen Zhuliu brings her fingers up, kisses them in tender goodbye. Then he’s letting go of her hands, feeling like he’s letting go of something more, and turns away. He’s only taken a few steps when a thought occurs, and he looks back to Jiaying. She’s standing, quite still, looking after him. “Last we spoke, we said you would decide the name,” he observes quietly. “What did you pick?”

Her smile becomes a little less weary. “Mingxia.”

“A pretty name,” he says with warm approval. “And if it’s a boy?”

Jiaying’s eyebrow arches, and this time they laugh together, and he’s suddenly impatient to be gone, if only to get back to her that much more quickly. “Goodbye. I love you both. I’ll see you soon.”

And when his wife waves, still smiling, Wen Zhuliu can leave with a lighter heart, genuinely believing his words. Confident that, months from now at most, he’ll be back and holding them both in his arms, and things will have only gotten better.

(Don’t worry, Wei Ying might have said if he weren’t lost within Wen Zhuliu’s happiness. I’ve made some pretty fucking wrong predictions, too.)

The memories shift. They find themselves Elsewhere.

Elsewhere also sucks.

This is different from the last recollections, vastly so. Everywhere they look is black and silver and grey, ashy and cold. There are no straight lines in this memory, only blurry edges and distorted shapes. Sounds come strangely to their ears, like a scream through thick fog. Even their thoughts are opaque things, echoing around their head like a jumble of musical instruments playing different parts of the same song. And not playing it particularly well, in their opinion.

(Concentrate the voice commands. It entices. It begs. It is now joined by sweeping chords of music, sweet and nostalgic and yearning. Wei Ying, come back. How can they come back from this place when they fit it like shadows cast by a light? They remember this condition in a way that’s engraved in them, their bones transformed into hatred, their blood replaced with resentment, their breath nothing but short bursts of rage. They’ve been here before, they’ve been here, they deserve to be here, and – Wei Ying. Please.)

There is no awareness of time, here. They couldn’t guess the year or even the season. It is After – after the death, after the loss, after the awakening and the frenzy and the grief that tore their mind to ribbons, that had set them to floating nowhere until they were suddenly somewhere.

During that time, they had burned with their emotions, but the fire was dark, feral, made up of so much negative energy that it blinded them to anything else. It illuminated the world in shade. For a long time, they were just existing, hating, but their purpose, when it came, was cold water dousing the resentment and leaving a stark and brittle objective in its place.  

They had to find her. That was the purpose. The goal that would see them through the cycle of fire and ashes and burning all over again. Their passions turned them to cinders countless times, and their purpose brought them back to life, kept them moving, searching, slipping through the warped world that was their only reality. That same purpose had turned them away from the bright flickers of light seen through the murky screen separating them from everything else. They had kept their distance from those people – those living people, who could incite such fury in them – and kept going, pulled by a compass they had hardly understood. They had also occasionally sensed things like them, dark beings that had lost their intent, that were all of the hate with none of the hunger for something else. They had avoided those, too.

And, eventually, they had found her. And she had been safe. And if she was not always or even often happy, at least she had been alive. And they knew, with a resonance that cut through the mist and muffled sounds, that she had to be kept that way. So, they had lingered, fighting off the forest fire that was constantly raging within them, and when the flames fled from their control, they had always kept just enough consciousness to go somewhere else, to lash out and burn where it would not harm her. And then they would return, and continue their watch.

Over time (how much time?) it had grown easier. Thoughts became clearer. The resentment surfaced less often. Wen Zhuliu was able to begin to think in a way he hadn’t for a long while. But even then, his thoughts circled around her. Around keeping her safe. And he had done just that, scaring off some who would harm her. Killing others. The objective was different, but the necessity was not.

Until there came a time – this time, this memory, this failure – when he could not protect her.

He watches, silent but shrieking, the talismans pinning him in place as people in robes of green and gold grab her, begin to drag her away. She’s screaming, crying, but he can’t understand the actual words, they’re being suffocated by smoke. The bitter burning is back, but there’s something else, something wilder and more frantic – something that he hasn’t experienced in forever. His essence thrashes against the magical restraints, billows of black and grey shearing off his form as he literally begins to rip himself apart in his efforts. There comes a moment when he manages to free what he needs to free – and Wen Zhuliu’s hand touches the first talisman. It melts.

She’s gone, but others are still clustered around him, shouting things he can only shallowly comprehend. Something about demons and resentful energy and suppression. They’re accessing their spiritual power – it shines far brighter than they do, a glowing pit in the core of their bodies, and when Wen Zhuliu really looks at those beacons of light, the rabid emotions surge, drowning thought. He destroys the second talisman and relishes the spikes of terror that scatter from more than one of the cultivators still present.

They try to banish him. They fail. He tries to crush their cores. He does not fail. Their bodies too, bones and blood and breath, he crushes it all, and it is a long time before Wen Zhuliu wakes from his rage, wakes surrounded by death and stillness. She is gone.

She is gone, and he cannot find her this time.

(Wei Ying!)

He searches, but the thing that had driven him to her before is missing. He’s lost, directionless, being eaten alive by the emotion he remembers but cannot name. Wen Zhuliu floats in the void and the void is darker than it has been since his purpose became clear.

(Please!)

For the first time, he reaches out to the living for reasons other than bloodshed. Most cower from him, flee, and only some few recognize him, even if Wen Zhuliu recognizes them. He cannot make them understand, no matter how much he pleads. Some try to destroy him, and he cannot allow that. But the last time he struck back, let himself unleash the violence, he lost her, so it is his turn to flee, to fade himself out of the world and chase the next memory of someone who might help. The list is not long, but he lost her, it’s his fault–

(I can’t lose you. Please.)

So Wen Zhuliu keeps searching. Makes another, much shorter list, more dangerous than the first. Titles it necessity, and comes to Lotus Pier on a day when the rain is pouring heavily and everyone is sheltering indoors. Everyone but a man in drenched, deep purple robes, who sits beneath an unremarkable tree and presses his hand to his chest like he’s trying to reach the radiant core inside. The feeling of that core had confused Wen Zhuliu in another time, another place – and by now he knows what thoughts to avoid, what memories to shrink from to suppress the rage – but he’s beyond confusion now. Clutches only desperation in his fists. Even the silver death curled around the man’s fingers and wrist isn’t enough to deter him.

He drifts closer, invisible. The man is crying and  

(Wei Ying.)

swearing and saying things that Wen Zhuliu can hear and understand, if only faintly. Things like you bastard and why and take it back and, sometimes, I’m sorry. Wen Zhuliu stands in front of his murderer – the man that he murdered, in all but name – and suddenly realizes the word for the emotion that’s been taking him apart ever since he lost her. Realizes, because it pours off of the man in waves so thick they’re enough to drown in.

Despair.

Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng says, all ragged grief and very little hate, and Wen Zhuliu remembers what he really should be looking for. A black flute and cruel music and a hollow core. Someone whom he fears – if he fears anyone, anything – but who knows about haunting and craving more than almost anyone else living. Someone who must be approached cautiously, because they hold the potential for both his salvation and his end, but who must be approached all the same.

Wen Zhuliu turns and leaves Jiang Cheng to his own search.

(Wei Ying. Please, do not leave me.)

(Please.)

(Wei Ying.)