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archangeldyke-all · 5 days

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more plug sev pls ☹️ it can be like almost anything just pLEASE

heheheheheh gonna combine this

giving Sevika sloppy head 🙂‍↕️ under a desk...or.....in a public space

men and minors dni

sevika looks so fucking good right now.

she's got enough regular customers for her to not need to go to parties to sell much anymore, but from time to time she'll get an invite to a party she just can't turn down.

she's dragged you along-- insisting that she's horrible at socializing without you, despite the fact that she's got a crowd of partygoers cackling at her jokes and stories right now.

you're watching from the couch, a small smile playing at your lips as you watch your girlfriend easily work a crowd. her henley sleeves are tugged up around her forearms, her hair is loose and brushing her cheeks, and her fingers are quickly rolling up a few joints for the crowd.

she looks up, her eyes finding yours across the room immediately, a shy smile on her lips when she catches you staring. she nods her head, trying to summon you toward her, and you go easily, moving through the crowds of people to wrap your arm around her waist while she wraps hers around your shoulders.

"what're you starin' at, huh?" she asks. you snort.

"there's a really hot weed dealer here."

sevika grins and ducks her head. "shut up." she mumbles. you giggle and kiss her cheek.

for a few minutes, you help her roll joints and count cash, snatching one for the pair of you to share, the two of you getting gigglier in the corner as you slowly smoke it between customers. but as the night gets later, more people start dancing and drinking, and pretty soon you and sevika are all alone in your little corner.

"so..." you start, trailing your hands up sevika's arms to grope her biceps. she smirks at you.

"so?"

"so... you think i got a shot with that dealer?" you ask. sevika giggles and swoops in to kiss you. it's far too sweet and chaste for your taste-- but you'll change that soon enough.

"baby, i think you got that dealer wrapped around your finger." she says. you grin and kiss her again.

"you look way too fuckin' good tonight, y'know." you mumble against her lips. she chuckles.

"yeah, my girlfriend helped dress me." she says. you smirk.

"she's got good taste."

you've both started swaying to the music, and you trail your hands down to grab sevika's hips, slowly pushing her further and further away from the crowd. "and where exactly are we going?" she asks. you giggle.

"well... you've got a few options. we could go out to the back patio, there's a few people out there you haven't met yet."

"or?" sevika asks. you grin.

"or we could go to the bathroom so i can get my fucking mouth on you-- show you how crazy you drive me."

sevika gulps, then she grabs your wrist and drags you down the hallway. you cackle the entire way.

it takes a few tries to find an empty room. there's couples hooking up everywhere-- drunk girls crying in the bathroom and people making out in the supply closets-- but eventually you find an empty bathroom.

you pull sevika in by her belt loops, slamming her against the door as you fiddle with her belt buckle, launching forward to slam your mouth against hers. sevika whimpers against your mouth and you sigh sweetly. "i fuckin' love you." you say.

sevika smiles as you start to kneel before her, tugging her pants and boxers down her thighs. "fuck. i love you too, baby."

for a moment, the weed and the sight of sevika's wet cunt overwhelm you. you're stuck in place, your mouth going dry and your head getting fuzzy as you admire her.

"take a picture, it'll last longer." sevika giggles. you huff and pinch her thigh.

"i have pictures-- none of them are as pretty as the real thing."

"fuck off." sevika shudders, pulling a joint out from behind her ear and putting it between her lips. you kiss her happy trail, your eyes locked on hers while she lights up, watching in fascination as she blows the smoke out of her nostrils.

"gimmie a hit." you demand. sevika chuckles and rolls her eyes, but places the joint between your lips regardless. you take a quick hit, then kiss her knuckles.

"thought you wanted to get your mouth on me." she mutters as she pulls the joint back up to her mouth. you giggle.

"feelin' needy?"

"'course i am. got a beautiful girl on her knees in fronta me." she says, gently swiping your cheek. you smile.

"i'll take care of you, sev. you just stand there 'n look pretty." you say with a wink. sevika snorts, then cuts herself off with a moan when you dive forward and start eating her out.

fuck she tastes good. she's soaking wet too. you groan against her and she lets out a curse, her head falling back against the door and her hands threading through your hair.

"shit, baby, you're so fuckin' good at this. couldn't wait 'til we got home, huh?" she teases. you giggle a bit.

"not when you look so good." you say before diving back in. sevika moans.

with the weed in your system and sevika in your mouth you easily lose yourself in making your girlfriend fall apart above you. the sweet moans and grunts she's letting out are like music to your ears, and you can feel her cum and your drool starting to trail down your chin. you don't care. all you care about is the sweet twitch of sevika's thigh as she gasps and bucks into your mouth.

"f-fuck, baby, you're makin' me all messy." sevika whines.

you groan against her cunt, nodding up at her. "i love it." you mumble between kisses and sucks. sevika huffs.

"shit, i'm gonna cum. you look so fuckin' cute on your knees-- my cum all over your face-- fuck baby, you've been wantin' this all night?" she asks. you moan and nod against her.

there's a knock on the door and sevika jumps. you don't stop, just diving back in for more of her as she scrambles to get herself under control enough to shout. "just-- just a minute!"

you chuckle against her and she smacks a hand over her mouth to muffle her moan, flicking your forehead.

"i gotta pee!" a drunk voice calls through the door.

"well do a lap around the house and find a different bathroom!" sevika growls, her voice squeaking halfway through when you sink a finger inside her. she glares down at you. you just chuckle and press against her g-spot, smirking as she shivers.

"some fuckin' people." the drunk outside the bathroom huffs as they walk away.

sevika snaps her head back as she cums, her skull hitting the door, her fingers scratching your scalp, the joint falling from her parted lips and landing on the bathroom floor. you chuckle, dodging the joint to lick up every drop of cum that you can.

sevika's got hearts in her eyes when you finally pull away with a gasp to blink up at her.

"you okay?" you ask with a giggle.

sevika doesn't respond. instead, she swoops down, grabs you and the joint, and pulls you up into her arms, kissing you passionately. you gasp against her lips, and she groans at the taste of herself.

"let's get outta here. i made like six hundred bucks tonight-- i'll take you anywhere you like."

you giggle. "home? for some cuddles?" you request. sevika melts at your request and wraps you up in a hug.

"'s long as i can repay the favor once we're in bed." she mumbles against you. you laugh and nod, and pull the bathroom door open.

there's a line of about five people waiting when you stumble out into the hall, and they all boo and groan as you and sevika walk out.

you just laugh as sevika flips them off. "you're just mad none of you have a girlfriend like mine!" she yells.

you muffle your cackles against her shoulder.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@shimtarofstupidity @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen

@mirconreadzztuff22 @veoomvroom

#sevika #sevika arcane #sevika imagine #sevika x reader #sevika x you #soft sevika #sevika smut

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mythicmanuscripts · 25 days

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Imagine aegon going into sub space for the first time

This is such a great question anon!! I can't believe I've actually never discussed Aegon going into subspace for the first time.

Originally I planned on only writing about the first time he went into subspace but I ended up also just talking in general about the first few weeks of him starting to submit as well so I guess you guys are just getting more sub!aegon than planned. Anyway, sub!aegon below the cut!

So firstly, I definitely think there would be a few times he came very close to subspace in non-sexual settings first??? Like, he so desperately wants someone who can guide him gently.

And gently really is the key word there.

Alicent ‘guides’ him all the time, but she’s harsh and cold and she makes him feel bad. When you smile gently at him and take his head and suggest that maybe he should let the master coin finish their sentence before he kicks them out… he melts. And then when he listens and then dismisses the master of coin and you praise him for being so good? He’s a puddle. You no longer have a husband you have a happy little puddle at your feet, absolutely zero thoughts left.

Anyway point is, those types of interactions are the first times where he starts to come close to subspace. This is especially true when you’re sitting alone with him in your shared bedroom. When the fire is roaring and the blankets are so soft and you’ve got a hand in his hair, of course he’s gonna start to feel all fuzzy and warm and it’s utterly perfect.

Once you start to show that guidance aspect, he stops with the summoning of you to your shared chambers to try for an heir. He can’t do that anymore when he starts to see you as the most special thing he’s ever had. He doesn’t care how much Alicent yaps on and on about him getting an heir, he won’t do that, not when he can spend that time genuinely feeling safe again.

Of course because it’s Aegon things will turn sexual eventually. And this is an idea I had a while ago but I haven’t found a reason to bring it up so I’m just gonna do it now: once that intimacy starts he stops going to brothels and stops fucking servants, he can’t do it. He can’t do anything with anyone else. But this of course does eventually cause a bit of an issue because he’s a very sexual person.

Long story short, the first time he goes into subspace properly with you is after a few weeks of him not going to any brothels. He ends up taking an impromptu nap in your shared bed after he had spoken to you for a while and he wakes up so hard. He’s cuddled against your chest and grinding his hips down against your thigh and of course when he wakes he’s absolutely mortified.

But well, he’s been so good. Of course you’re going to help him.

You end up giving him a hand job, letting him hide against your shoulder as you slowly stroke him and he loses his little mind because it’s perfect.

That’s the first time he truly reaches subspace, and you can tell because he’s actually quiet. Usually he’s a babbler, always talking, never being able to stay still or silent, but now he’s relaxed back into your arms not making a single sound besides the occasional little whine when he breathes out. He cums with just a whisper of your name and then turns to nuzzle into your chest, his body completely devoid of tension.

(Side note: Aemond is the opposite, he’s loud in subspace, so so loud)

You get worried actually, because you’ve never known him to act like he is right then. But at the same time, he’s clearly happy?

When he recovers and finds the ability to speak again, you ask him if he’s alright and what can you do to help him and he just says he’s fine, he’s absolutely perfect in fact.

#sub!aegon #aegon targaryen x you #aegon targaryen smut #aegon targaryen imagine #aegon smut #aegon ii targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon x reader #aegon the second #king aegon #hotd aegon #house of the dragon #house of the dragon fanfiction #hotd #house of the dragon imagine

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herefortheships · 7 days

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I hope we get a third Beetlejuice move and Lydia is the one trying to contact Betelgeuse this time around. That can even justify the movie being called "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice", because you have to say the name three times to summon him!

Why does she need or want to contact him? It can be for whatever reason, really, but my favorite is this: Betelgeuse has pretty much disappeared from Lydia's life and she isn't seeing him "haunting" her anymore, and she realizes or can sense that he is in danger, and Lydia knows she is the only one who will care or even want to save him.

Then she can start wondering why she is even doing this, why does she care? And she realizes he's sort of been watching her and protecting her from afar all this time and maybe she even has started missing his shenanigans. She realizes that even when she thought he was scary, he was actually looking out for her all along because he really loved her. And they share that psychic connection too, which she will probably use to find him if she can't summon him in the third movie for whatever reason.

Look, the ending left the door open for many possibilities for a final installment and I just hope they decide to do it and give Betelgeuse and Lydia their happy ending! Third time's the charm and they can marry for real. My only concern is that they may not be able to top the beautifully romantic wedding scene from the second movie. Who knows? That was so a Tim Burton aesthetic. We'll see. But that wedding needs to happen!

I honestly think Lydia's failed romantic relationships have to do with the fact that her true soulmate is in the "Neitherworld". Soulmates born too far apart from each other. Betelgeuse will wait for Lydia forever, and after the second movie I'm sure she will start to see him a different way. Maybe not romantic yet, but something must have changed, having seen a different side of him. Yes, he will always be creepy and gross, that's just who he is (come on, he is a ghostly entity or a demon of sorts, a "thing of nightmares"), but he does love her and will do anything for her. And by the end of the movie, she will know they belong together! As weird at that might be. haha

#Ok maybe I will write this fanfiction myself #Can we agree BJ was an absolute gentleman to her?#well if we scratch the creepy baby part 😅 that was him messing and doing his scaring thing which is so a part of him lol #Beetlejuice Beetlejuice #Beetlejuice Beetlejuice spoilers #spoilers #spoiler #Bj2 #Bj2 spoilers #Beetlebabes #Beetlejuice x Lydia #Betelgeuse x Lydia #did I write all the tags? lol #Beetlejuice spec #Beetlejuice 3 speculation

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aphroditelovesu · 1 year

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Yandere Alicent Hightower Headcanons (Romantic)

❝ 🐉 — lady l: I wanted to write something for our Green Queen and this is what came out. A romantic and a little confusing headcanon, but I hope you like it anyway! Forgive me for any mistakes, but I'm sleepy so there's that. Good reading! 💚

❝tw: obsessive behavior, mention of jealousy, manipulation, denial of feelings, messy writing.

❝🐉 pairing: yandere!alicent hightower x gender neutral!reader.

Alicent knew she was in love with you. She always knew she loved you deeply but never had the courage to admit her feelings because she knew they were wrong. They had to be. Alicent tried her best to contain her tendencies, her feelings, but every night she caught herself thinking about you, how much she wanted to be with you.

She had to stop denying them, it wasn't healthy for her and it wasn't fair to you. It wasn't an easy task, considering how reserved and insecure she was about her feelings. She already knew she loved you long before she realized it, but she didn't know how to deal with them, how to suppress them.

Alicent Hightower is very reserved when it comes to showing her feelings. She never knows how to deal with them in a healthy way and ends up reacting in a way that is completely contrary to how she really wants to and she always ends up blaming herself for it. She desperately wants to grab you and tell you everything she feels without caring about anything, but she can't do that. She can't allow herself to do that.

She's not sure when she fell in love with you, but she guessed it was when she met you. Alicent could feel that the air had changed the moment your eyes met and you smiled at her. So ethereal that she almost knelt right there. All she could do at that moment was wave back, speechless and stunned by your presence. From her perspective, that's when she fell in love with you.

And it was her most anguished moment. For she was a married woman and with the King, she could never have you. The Queen's heart broke in that moment at the prospect of never being able to tell you how she felt. But that didn't stop her from yearning for you, every night, every day, she yearned for you and your attention. When she was with her children, in her husband's bed, she thought of you. It was in those moments that she knew she needed to end this once and for all, she couldn't think of another person that way. Not while she was married.

Needless to say, that's not what happened. Alicent managed to avoid you, she was the Queen and had this advantage going for her, but she was dying inside. Every day you weren't around her a part of her died. She needed you like she needed oxygen to live. But she managed to hold on, she persevered until when she saw you too close to someone else and something inside her exploded. Jealousy, anger, it all came out at once.

She didn't know what had happened to her when she summoned you later into her private chambers and revealed everything she felt like a devastating wave. Alicent told you how much she loved you, how much she tried to fight those feelings but she couldn't take it anymore and couldn't bear the idea of seeing someone else close to you. Not when this was her place. She finally vented and when she finished speaking, she approached you and pulled you into a kiss with passion and force. For the first time in her life she wasn't thinking about the consequences but was doing what she wanted.

Alicent felt alive for the first time in a long time when she kissed you. When you lay in her bed, naked and in love and in the silence of the night, you made love for the first time. She didn't remember being so happy. When you were lying side by side and covered by just one blanket, Alicent knew she was loved. And she loved you and would be cursed forever if you were taken from her. She made a promise to herself that nothing and no one will take you away from her and anyone who tries will suffer the severe consequences.

She is incredibly understanding and kind to you, nothing but love in her eyes and cuddles exchanged when no one was watching you. Alicent loves to sneak into the Red Keep like a child in the dead of night and escape to the comfort of your arms. She knew there would be consequences for her and you if anyone found out about this affair, but she didn't care. The thrill of being caught in your loving arms was what made her nights even better.

Alicent is not exactly possessive, but she is jealous, she just knows how to control herself. She feels jealous in a milder way, but it's still jealous and depending on who made her jealous, she'll make sure they don't dare get in her way again. Alicent will be seething with jealousy as she watches them interact with you, her nails digging into her hands and leaving marks. Her eyes will be full of tears when she comes to meet you later and she will make you tell her how much you love her, with her words and her body.

She is an unscrupulous manipulator. Alicent doesn't mind using others to make you hers, manipulating your feelings, making you feel guilty, because at the end of it all, you will be with her and that is a price worth paying. You are hers and always would be, and she knew it, but she likes to be sure and act before she suffers the consequences.

Alicent never knew what it was like to love someone so devotedly, so fervently and keep them for yourself at any cost. She have never feel that way until you come into her life and she finds out that she would do anything to have you. She just knew that she needed you desperately and felt like she couldn't think straight when she didn't know what you were doing or who you were with. She just needed you and she always would. And Alicent will do everything in her power to make this happen.

Once Viserys was dead and Aegon was King, she would be free to love you without worrying about being caught. You could stay together until death and no one would get in your way. She will be sure of that. You would always be stuck by her side, for the rest of your life. Isn't that romantic? Just you and Alicent.

#a song of ice and fire #house of the dragon #yandere house of the dragon #asoiaf #yandere hotd #hotd #yandere alicent hightower #yandere alicent hightower x reader #yandere alicent hightower headcanons #alicent hightower x reader #yandere headcanons

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dianawinchester03 · 6 months

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Prologue - Enter Y/N

Series Masterlist

Y/N's POV

I straighten out my shirt,sighing as I watch the corpse ignite into flames in-front of my eyes.

Salt and Burn. Check. The chilly air in the cemetery engulfs my body, I warm my hands over the burning corpse, rubbing my hands together to gather the heat.

Internally rolling my eyes, I pick up my duffle bag and make my way towards my bike. My pride and joy. Quinn's a Harley-Davidson VRSC. I named her after my favorite DC Comic book character, Harley Quinn. Original huh?

Breaking me out of my thoughts I hear my phone ring. Fishing my phone out of my pocket as I lean against Quinn. Rolling my eyes, I answer roughly after seeing the contact.

"I'm alive, f/n" I say hastily. I could practically hear the frown crease on my fathers face with the way I answer. Don't get me wrong, I love the man but boy can he be a pain. "I'm glad to hear you're okay baby....how're things" He asks.

I pull my bottom lip into my mouth answering "Everything is fine, I just finished a quick salt and burn of an old pastor who had been terrorizing atheists" I chuckle ironically at the fact. Like father like daughter, my dad chuckles over the phone. "Wonderful, I knew you'd do well on your own" He says lightly.

"Is that so?" I say sarcastically. "Aren't you the same one who said, and I quote, 'Don't come back if you go out there on your own, don't call, don't text, pretend I'm dead' " I mock his rugged voice as I quote his words to me two years ago bitterly. Granted he's called me every so often since our falling out but I haven't dared called him.

Flashback

September 2003

"Daddy I'm 20 years old! I can hunt in my own. I've been doing it since I've been in diapers!" I yell frustrated at my father. "You better watch your tone with me! Who the fuck do you think you're yelling at!?" He screams back at me causing me to flinch.

"You're not ready! I know the shit that's out there in the world and I'd prefer if you and I do it together. There is no reason we can't hunt together!" He yells in my face, causing me to flinch in habit.

"Your obsession with finding the thing that killed mom is the reason I can't work with you" I say harshly. The look on his face alone, scared the crap outta me. When I was younger, anything he said would scare me. I'd listen to him and follow his orders like a good little soldier but I'm sick of it.

Two decades of this crap, it was bound to happen. My mother died in my nursery when I was six months old. Pinned to the ceiling just like Sam's mom, only a couple months after Mary died, my mom died.

Mom and Dad were childhood friends with Sam and Dean's mom. They bonded through all of them coming from families of hunters. Basically my parents were childhood sweethearts which honestly touches my heart.

After knocking back a few, dad could tell the story of when he fell in love with mom a million times. He loved her with everything. I always wondered if I'd have something like that. Frankly, I don't believe love like that exists anymore.

My mother was also a psychic, a powerful one too. She basically had these abilities like seeing into the past/present/future, moving objects with her mind, summoning/binding ghosts and reading minds. Psychics develop their abilities by 18. She could even communicate with the dead.

She and my dad hunted together after meeting and settled down in Lawrence, deciding to have a family. Giving it up for the apple pie life. Honestly sometimes I think my dad's disappointed at the fact that I'm not like my mother.

"So you don't care about your mother then?" He says back to me coldly, rage dripping from his voice. "I never said that dad! I just can't deal with you every single goddamn day breathing down my neck. I love you so much daddy but shit! I can't take this anymore" Tears prick at my eyes as I pick up my helmet and army green duffel bag. I throw on my leather jacket and head for the front door.

Jumping on my bike, before I could put on my helmet I hear his yell from the safehouse. "Listen to me and listen to me good Y/N L/N. Don't come back if you go out there on your own, don't call, don't text, pretend I'm dead". My heart jumped out of my chest, my helmet clutched to my side. Angrily I wipe my tears away from my cheeks "Fine". With that I snap my helmet on and make my way out of the driveway and into the night.

Present Time

September 2005

My father sighs heavily over the phone because of my habit to hold a grudge. I was surprised last year when he called me for my birthday to say the least. Since then, he's called me every so often. "Listen baby, I didn't call to argue. I just wanted to make sure you're okay"

"I'm fine dad, look I've gotta go. I'm hungry and tired. Okay? We'll talk whenever" Without letting him say another word, I hang up. You might think I'm being harsh but if you've lived a day in the life of my childhood, you'd be just as angry as me right now.

I straddle my bike, placing my helmet on my head. The roar of the engine fills the quiet cemetery, revving the engine I make my way towards a local dive bar to pick up some grub and hit the hay.

________________________________

"Say your prayers little one,

Don't forget my son,

To include everyoneeee"

I jump awake hearing the beginning guitar riff and first couple lyrics of "Enter Sandman" by Metallica from my phone. Without looking at the contact I click decline, turning over to see the handsome naked man next to me. I slightly jump before realizing he's the guy I met at the bar. I'm not one for constant one night stands but sometimes I need a release. Especially after that call with my dad. I groan from the pounding pain in my head. Great, I'm gonna get a bitch of a hangover.

Sighing I check the time. 3:33 am. Who the fuck would call me at this hour? It's a bit creepy no? I put my phone back onto the nightstand and wrap my arms around my mystery man, resting my head on his chest. Mark? Mike? Im not sure. He stirs a bit but eventually falls back asleep. As if on cue my phone rings again.

I let out an exhaustrated groan before turning over and answering my phone. "Whoever the fuck this is. you better have a damn good reason to be calling me at this ungodly hour because I am *this* close to reaching into this phone and going all terminator on your ass!" I whisper yell angrily into my phone while I hastily put on my flannel, buttoning it up and slipping on my panties as I was still naked.

The deep humorous chuckle that I, all too well recognize echo in my ear. "Sorry princess, didn't mean to interrupt your night. I've been trying to call you for weeks and couldn't get a hold onto ya" My heart flutters at the sound of Dean's voice, he's one of my best friends. He's always called me "princess" and I've always called him "charming". His brother Sam and me have always been closer, being the same age and all. Me and Sam shared a stronger bond.

Where as Dean and me....there was never a Dean and me I guess. He's sees me as a little sister but while growing up I had a slight crush on him. I always reminded myself that he'd never see me like that so I just discarded it. One thing for sure, he's always protected me when necessary. Same with Sam, he's like a brother to me.

Growing up Dean teased me and Sam all the time, joking calling me his little girlfriend. Saying we'll get married and all that crap. But me and Sam came to the conclusion that we are just friends. Hell. We're basically siblings.

It's kinda bothered me knowing I had a crush on Dean but that died down when I hit my teens and puberty. We all grew up together going from motel to motel to Bobby's house to motel over and over. Our dads were hunting partners, my dad would leave me with Sam and Dean.

Dean always in charge of course, John made sure to enforce that. I tried my best to help Dean out because no kid should have that much responsibility but he'd always say "I've got it" or "It's okay y/n/n, just go play with Sammy". I love those boys with all my heart.

Last I'd seen Dean for my 21st last year, he took me out and I quote he wanted to be "the first person to see me take my first legal drink".

I turn around to see Mark/Mike stirring in his sleep again, grabbing pack of cigarettes and lighter I walk towards the door and unlock it, stepping outside the sleazy motel room. I respond to Dean "Jesus Christ Dean, it's 3 am" I roll my eyes as I flick my lighter, putting one of the cigarettes to my lips, lighting it and taking a puff.

"Like I said, been trying to reach ya but you're basically a ghost" He says ironically. "Sorry man, I've been trying to avoid pops" I say, taking another drag. "Yeah I actually called him to get a hold onto you, told me you hung up on him. Kinda cold not gonna lie" Dean says lightly chuckling and it all clicks into place, that's why my dad called me.

"Shit, my bad. How have you been? You alright?" I ask worried, leaning against the door of my room. I just know he has that shit eating signature grin on his face when he hears my tone. "Awww is the Princess worried about me" He teases. "You better watch that tone before I hang up on you too" I mock threaten, teasing him back, trying to fight the smile on my face.

I take a drag from my cigarette that's nearly done as he dramatically gasps "You wouldn't dare" He say's melodramatically like an old lady in a soap opera and I laugh "Try me, Winchester" I chuckle as we share a laugh. "It's good to hear from you, Charming. What's the problem though? I know it has to be serious for you to call me at this hour" I queried, waiting for an answer.

"It's Dad, Y/N. He's gone on a hunting trip, and he hasn't been home in a few days" He says, his voice somber. "He went on a case and hasn't updated you? That's strange" I say as I out my cigarette on the door still, now leaning against the railings over the ground floor of the motel.

"I'm on my way to California. I'm gonna grab Sammy from Stanford and head over to Jericho. That's where dad was working his case. You wanna tag along?" He asks hopefully. Without hesitation I say "I'm in Phoenix, just finished a milk run. If I leave as soon as sunrise I can make it for probably the next morning with a few pit stops"

"Great! I'll see you soon princess" He says flirtatiously. "Yeah yeah whatever Charming" I say chuckling "Wait did you say you're gonna grab Sammy? Have you guys talked since...." I ask cautiously. "Nah we haven't, but I'm hoping to change that. Have you?" He asks now sounding a little down. Truth is, I've talked to Sam a couple well times since he left for Stanford a couple years ago. I supported his decision to leave hunting and live a normal life. It's all we've ever talked about as kids.

He's updated me on his life at Stanford, he's got a girlfriend now. Jessica Moore, boy is she gorgeous. My little Sammy is all grown up. Ignoring the fact he's a couple months older than me and never lets me live it down but that's besides the point. He's happy and I feel bad that Dean has to go get him, but his dad is missing. They always butted heads but if it were me I'd wanna know. He needs to know.

"Yeah a couple times..." I say softly. "He misses you Dean" I add, trying to reassure Dean, knowing him he's probably overthinking going to see Sam. Dean sighs heavily before saying "I do too. I miss you as well you nutcase" I smile at this before replying "I miss you too you asshat. See you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow" He says and with that I hang up. I walk back into my motel room to see Mark/Mike still asleep on the bed. I gather my things, tossing them into my duffel bag. After taking a shower I wait a couple hours for sunrise so I can leave.

Right as I'm about to pick up my helmet Mark/Mike wakes up, causing me to freeze. "Didn't take you for a dine and dash type" he says chuckling. I laugh as well "I'll take that as a compliment, I'm actually on my way out to meet a friend. It's important"

"That's cool, it was nice meeting you Y/N" he says nicely before laying back on the bed "You too Mark" I say back smiling, his face drops "It's Max". Crap.

Authors Note

HOLY SHIT! I'm so excited I can't. If you haven't noticed this is my first fanfiction, not my first book. The others I've deleted because they were embarrassing and I wrote them when I was 12 lol.

This book however, I plan on sticking to it. I've been contemplating doing a series rewrite on Supernatural for monthssss. Honestly I've read so much and there are plots I loved but also hated in some. So I decided to add a bit of a twist on mine.

I really hope whoever decided to read this that you like the plot I'm going with and I'm sure you've noticed that y/n is a little cold towards her father. I'm gonna be honest, I'm writing based off my my experience with my dad.

I do plan on developing their relationship but in the later episodes/chapters. Whoever is reading I just want to say thank you for giving my book a chance and I do hope you like the plot I am going to use for y/n's story.

As I am bisexual, I've been thinking about making y/n bisexual also but I know there's a lot of straight girlies on Wattpad. So I'd like to know your opinion if I should add that fact. Also I know Harley-Davidson VRSC came out in 2006 but this is a fictional book so let's just pretend it came out in the 90s or something lol.

Side note.

Y/N- Your name

Y/N/N- your nickname

F/N - your father's name

M/N- your mother's name

Xoxo

#spn #dean winchester #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x you #dean and sam #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean x reader #sam and dean

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jolapeno · 1 year

Text

ii - it’s just aah little crush

javier peña x f!reader | chapter two of late night texts

summary: It's the year 2000. Javi is minding his own business on the porch of his pop's ranch when a text from an unknown number vibrates his phone. The only problem is, no one knows he has a phone and no one has his number.

chapter warnings: fluff. discussions of deceased parent (javi's side) continuous romcom vibes. an: i can't believe so many of you are in love with this, hope you're still grinning. wordcount: 2.2k.

text key: bold is you/reader | italics is javi

Go to song that’ll get you dancing.

I don’t dance, hermosa

Let me guess, you’re the type to sit in a corner smoking and drinking away while everyone else has fun.

for one I don’t smoke anymore

Ha! Knew it. Bet you have a moody face too. All annoyed that people dare to have fun.

i don’t know what gave you the impression I hate fun

Name a song, then.

I can’t think. what’s yours?

Tough to pick one. But, since I did just dance in my kitchen to I Want It That Way, I’ll choose that one

I bet it was a sight

You are right, it was an award winning performance.

what you wearing

Shut up, Javi.

In time, Javi begins to learn things about you.

Such as your aversion to certain weather types, the kinds of foods you dislike on pizza and that you travel for work.

It’s not every week, but most. You have a place, but you live outside of a suitcase more often than you like. But, you’re not complaining—that you repeatedly stress to him—because you’ve never really had to travel anywhere overtly far. Just from one side of the country to the other.

But, it does steal hours—both from being in the air and entering a new timezone. Something he, too, tries not to feel annoyed about, but still is.

If anything, he’s beginning to find it hard not to be that person, the one who repeats texts—obsessively checks. The one who looks forward to the time of the day he gets to speak to you.

You’re a nice treat at the end of the day—one which has spread into being a welcomed surprise at other times.

The two of you texting, bleeding from the night to the day, with him waking and seeing a text waiting for him on his screen. A ‘Good morning’ here, a ‘hope you don’t stand in shit today’ there.

you land ok

Truthfully, he knew there was a good chance you were still commuting—knowing more about this flight and your plans than previous trips.

But he still grows impatient, tapping his fingers on surfaces, hovering around, earning him stares from his pop as he makes a drink or admires the weather.

He knows his pop has picked up on it—the change. Had stopped asking him in the fields what his plans were going to be that evening, as though knowing he’d find his son on the porch or at the table, clicking keys until they spelt out a word.

But, deep down, Javi knew his Ma would have said something—made a comment about it being a girl. Likely sat next to him, asked him if you were worth the trips to the store and the amount it was all costing him.

He knew what he’d say if she were here to ask: yes.

As much as the change is noticed, his pop says nothing. Just skirts around it, the Peña way.

“You fancy coming with me tonight, Jav?”

He asks him each week, even if the answer is always the same. A hopeful look simmering in his eyes, waiting.

It makes him hate declining, hates having to summon a reason they both know is an excuse. Because even if he’s been here for years, they all still look at him like a hero. A celebrity. A walking statue they can all admire—talk to, and about.

“Not tonight, Pop.”

The nod he receives makes his stomach churn, guilt mixing with selfishness, wanting to explain—even if the two of them have had this conversation countless times.

Just checked into my room. Guess who got an upgrade?

He grins, eyes reading each word, feeling his stomach unknot, his chest flutter—all the while being aware there’s warmth spreading up to his ears.

Texting you makes him feel like a teenager all over again.

So much so, he forgets his pop is still there. Standing, hovering. Glancing up to find a knowing look, one he rather hates but doesn’t want to unpick.

Not sure how too.

Not sure what to even explain.

“Hasta luego, hijo.”

nice, they do room service at this one Maybe. Gonna order so much food, charge the company.

Javi nods to no one, biting back a smile, the one desperate to show. Sliding the paper off the chair beside him as he lies it flat on the table, hearing the distinct sound of the front door shutting, the storm door following closely.

Waiting, just like he did when he was younger, for the sound of the truck sparking to life. The crunch of gravel, and then, the noticeable silence. The one he welcomes—not that he always did.

In the first months of being home, a mist would fall over him when his pop left. A loneliness that ebbed and flowed, him walking around the house, brushing past memories, hearing the whispers of ghosts from when they were a family of three and not two. It lessened as the months added up.

Am I too late for the crossword?

Snorting, he bites his bottom lip.

He’s unsure at what point in their texting he should have told you that he waits for you. Not sure he has the words to explain that it’s become a thing for him, an extra pleasure in completing it.

Javi waits until the sun truly sets, and the day tries to turn to the next. He’s even left it to the last minute—11:36 pm—hating that you even apologised for your day having derailed what has slowly become their tradition.

just in time Perfect. I’ve just put my order in. I am ready. Test me this time, okay? Stop going easy on me.

Smirking, he releases a light laugh, fingers wiping across the hair above his lip, shaking his head in disbelief. Both in how you take it so seriously and how he likes it.

It’s odd, strange—but there’s a lot he likes about you. Like how you challenge him and hold him accountable. Making his old instincts and his gut, both of which had rotted in ranch life, awaken all over again.

In truth, he feels alive, thrumming—feeling warmth, seeing colours, expanding happiness flushing through him. It blows away all the eroding loneliness, shining and injecting light into the darkest corners of his soul—the parts wilted due to what-ifs and regrets.

superheros home, 10 letters I said test me. I’m warming you up I’m plenty warm, Javi. You worry about yourself. It’s metropolis, the answer.

His mouth slides to the side, pencil scratching at the paper.

Crosswords end too quickly with you. Your brain is full of words, ones he knows are tucked away in his own, but they rise to the surface in yours. Come so quickly, called and answered.

Somedays, he swears it takes him a while even to welcome the day, never mind finding a word.

It’s the truthful reason he began this in the first place. It helped that it wasn’t a risk. There was no real need to complete it (yet he always did). But in truth, he had felt the need to keep himself sharp. To work a mystery over, just one with no stakes, no actual losses.

His life couldn't handle that now. His back twinged at the thought, a muscle tensing under the thoughts of Colombia.

praises lavishly, 6 Javier. ha no it begins with e Extols. howd you even know that I read, Javi. I read.

pop’s just asked me if I want to go to a bingo night

I’m going to hazard a guess that you screamed yes, dressed so quickly you have headrush?

obviously

I’m cooking for my friend tonight.

Aish?

No. Different friend.

a male friend

Jealous, are we?

No, a colleague. She’s had a rough day.

do you know how to cook or will I be finally seeing your face… on the news

I know how to cook, sorry to disappoint you.

But I am impressed by your use of punctuation.

I aim to please

you awake

I am. You good?

just can’t sleep

That happen a lot

less recently, but yeah

Tell me something, Javi

what you wanna hear

Anything.

I look forward to our texts all day

You need a hobby.

maybe, but my statement still stands

I do too. Don’t think I’d even reply to anyone else who woke me up at 1 am.

shit hermosa I didn’t mean to wake you

I don’t mind.

go to sleep, we can talk tomorrow

No it’s okay, I want to talk to you.

You ever seen Charmed?

no whats that

Oh, Javi buckle your seatbelt.

What do you even meaaan

I’ve never had it

If we ever meet in person and I have a kitchen available, I’m making it you.

yeah?

Yes. I know you were in Colombia, but you’re missing out.

you wanna meet me in person

I mean, I do love second-guessing myself about if you are who you say you are.

hilarious

Of course, I do.

Do you wanna meet me?

more so now I’m gonna be be cooked for

Now who’s being hilarious.

Each bead of sweat which clusters at his waist, is rewarded with a gentle breeze. It sits, spreading patterns up his tee as it clings to his skin.

The warm, dry heat offers some relief, dancing amongst the tall grass. It rustles through the trees as he sticks the spade back into the soil, wiping his brow, allowing the yellow of his aviators to slide down the bridge of his nose—causing a contrast of lemon and natural lighting to flare across his gaze.

Javi’s been at it for hours. Having set himself up before the sun really began spreading its fingers across Laredo.

Digging, shifting wooden posts into the newly created hole, before he’s filled it back up again. With each one he completes, he takes a second to pause. To lose himself to the whims of his mind—thoughts usually stuck on how much longer it’ll take, and now perpetually on you.

What you’re doing.

If you’re having a good day.

He finds himself so lost in thoughts of you, that it doesn’t feel anything like what it has with others. Not close to drowning, but instead swimming. Moving with a current of his own making, drifting, feeling something other than mundane and boredom in his bones.

He's also noticed how the texts and conversation are no longer strained and frayed—that he isn’t picking apart intention like he once was. That he gets you, reads you. Can almost hear your voice in the way you text him.

Before, he'd never have described his evenings as empty, but now he's busy—occupied. Doing something more than simply passing the time, actually looking forward to the time between the sun going down and the stars lighting the sky.

It's on the second stab into the ground that it hits him: he'd miss you if you stopped texting.

Having grown used to you—enjoys tuning into the evenings spent with you.

He was never lonely in Colombia. A thought which has riddled him in the years since he’s been back. The goal—the job—kept him busy when his conquests couldn’t. How he had been focused on the many, the plans and the takedowns occupying all space that would allow for such things.

But this is different. A different kind of busy—a nicer one. One he craves more than he should.

“There were fresh flowers at your mamá's grave again.”

Javi slams his foot on the shovel, forcing it down further, splitting the soil—letting it cut into the grass, the roots. Turning it up, choosing then to only lift his head to meet the stare waiting for him at the last second.

Last month, he’d been able to shove it off.

He'd been able to blame the suspicions on anything but him. Javi realises how much harder that is going to be now—especially with the way his pop is leaning. How he begins tilting his hat up so he can see him clearer—just like when he was a boy.

Pushing his shades up, Javi chews his cheek, standing straighter and straighter until he fills his lungs with air. Not speaking, choosing silence.

Kicking the dirt, his pop hooks his thumbs in the loops of his jeans. “Same flowers as before.”

“Hmm, nice.”

It’s all he can muster.

All he wants to, as well—desperate to continue digging. And, do so in silence.

“I know it’s you, Jav. You don’t... Y'don't need to be secretive about seeing her.”

“I’m not.”

Even if he is.

Has been.

It hadn't been intentional to go see her. It had begun absently, without real cause or reason.

When he first came back, there was a cause, a reason. A birthday, the holidays—times when his laid-down bouquet wasn’t alone. Guilt biting at him for all the times he didn't visit when he was away, and the times he put off in the months he was back.

Then, one day he turned down a road, and he found himself there, and so it began. Now the guilt has wilted, like the flowers he often replaces. Doing this thing he does when he heads into town.

And, it just so happens he’s been in town more often as of late. The phone—the one heavy in his back pocket—being the cause. His mouth purchasing more credit while his eyes admired the store's beautiful arrangements—ones adorned with the same flowers he’d grown up with in the centre of the dining table.

“You’ve been smiling more, too.”

“Pops, c’mon.”

He laughs—his dad laughs. “It’s nice, hijo. Nice seeing it. Hearing it. She work in town?”

Shaking his head, running a hand across his forehead, he mumbles a no. Pebbled sweat collected on his fingers, closing his eyes, willing the conversation to die before it got going.

It never works, not with his pops.

“Tell me about—“

“Papá, para.”

“—you can try and hide it, sat in the other room from me. But whoever she is, I like her.”

Smirking, he snorts, dropping his hand from his face. “You don’t know her. Fu—I don’t even know her, alright?”

Shrugging, his pop stands from his lean, hand on one of the posts Javi had put up earlier. Wiggling it, testing it, brow raised in a way that screamed he was impressed.

“That’s what time is for, Jav. Getting to know someone.”

“Alright, Pop. Can I…? Please?”

Waving him off, he tips his hat at him. Shooting him another smirk, a knowing one—another Peña trademark.

Aish asked about you today.

what did you tell her

That you’re very good at crosswords.

you’re a tease.

I aim to please.

my pops knows I’m talking to you

Told him all about me, have you? I feel special.

you should feel special

but not just because of that

You’re flirting again.

I am

Charmer.

do you dislike it? me flirting

No. Not really. I like it.

that's good to know

Why?

means i can do it properly now

Is that so? Do I need to brace myself for Javi-flirting?

i would if i were you

an: yesssss, now let the menace texts begin.

next chapter ->

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moonlits-ocean · 9 months

Text

Long Way Home [Part IV]

[Azriel x Reader fanfic]

Synopsis: Y/n is the daughter of a healer in the city of Velaris. After a small incident, she moves to the House of the Wind to work for the High Lord, Rhysand. Everyone in the house seems to welcome her except Azriel, the second in command. Even though he is just blankly polite and does not acknowledge her much, she can't help but fall for him. Does Azriel return her feelings or remain unfeelingly aloof?

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Read Part 1 here.

Read Part 2 here.

Read Part 3 here.

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Part IV

"I'm seriously surprised that you've never flown before."

I levelled Cassian with a dead stare. "I don't have wings, dumbass."

"You could've asked me or Azriel to take you flying."

"I am also chubby and heavy to carry."

He scoffed, and in one movement, picked me up in his arms, bridal style. "Heavy, my ass. You're perfect."

I blushed and brought my hands around his neck as he directed. He stepped onto the balcony wall, and my heart thumped in the thrill of anticipation.

"Ready?"

I nodded, grinning uncontrollably. This was fun.

He jumped, spreading his wings to catch the wind. I screamed as we dipped for a moment before he soared high and steadied.

For a moment there, I was sad because I had missed out this experience. Not for long, though. Cassian weaved through the highest parts of the city, laughing along with me. He circled around the perimeter of the city and then went beyond, above a thin ribbon of a stream. Here, he swooped down sharply, and my stomach plummeted along.

While we were just a little above the water's surface, he tilted me and let my feet dangle in the cool water. It made me giggle, and soon enough, he was soaring above again and returning to the city. He flew for some more time, until he was tired and deposited me on the balcony.

My legs trembled as I walked over to a seat and flopped down. Cassian had to leave because Rhys was summoning him, and I thanked him profusely before he left. He was very sweet, and this short trip was amazing. I spent the rest of the day in a daydream, packing a small suitcase to take home since I was spending the next two days with my father.

When I was packing some toiletries, Amren knocked on the open door.

I waved her over to one of the chairs. "Come in."

My quarters was mostly empty now, I had shifted everything except the ones I immediately needed. She looked around and perched elegantly on the chair and lifted her head at me.

"Why are you leaving?" She asked bluntly.

My hands stilled, and I thought over my response. I had planned to leave without anyone noticing, and I wasn't prepared in the event that someone did notice.

"Are you unhappy here? Do you feel unwelcome? What is it?" She asked again.

"The actual reason for my leaving is not valid, to be honest."

She leaned back and crossed arms. "Try me."

"It involves one of the residents here. It's not their mistake, it's mine. I carried a lot of unfulfillable expectations, and I just want to stay away."

I didn't have any idea what I was saying. I spoke one word after word without even thinking whether they made a connection or not. She stared unblinkingly at me and I returned it with a steady gaze. Finally, she stood up and walked out without a word.

I broke the news to my father at dinner the next night. He was very confused about my decision, as he thought that things at the House of the Wind were going rather well. However, he came to the crux of the matter quickly.

"It's about Azriel isn't it. He hurt you."

"No he didn't. They are all very nice to me. But I can't stay there any longer. The problem is with me. I have feelings for Azriel, and I want to go away from him since there is not a chance of anything happening between us and I can't take it anymore."

There, I said it. I didn't meet Azriel frequently, but I thought of him every single day. He consumed my thoughts ever since I've lived in the quarters next to him, even when he didn't look at me for more than a span of five seconds. I must've gone insane.

My father watched me in silence for a few moments.

"Alright. Let me know if you need any help. Stay safe out there, and reach out to me if you need any provisions and supplies."

I smiled, a bit teary as I reached across the table and took his hand. "Thank you."

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Tags:

@kalulakunundrum

@thelov3lybookworm

@hnyclover

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

Read Part 5 here.

This fanfic can also be found in Wattpad, along with other exclusive parts like playlists and pictures. Here's the link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/358573037-long-way-home

Happy reading! <3

─•~❉᯽❉~•─

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iinsertblognamee · 1 year

Text

social media au

y/n face claim; gracie abrams

liked by taylorswift, samanthakerr20 and 214,984 others yn cheeky 🍒's

view all 837 comments

ynlover hottie

iloveyn when are you releasing new music??

ynfan3 you're so gorgeous!

billieeilish 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

ynfan8 ^ why is that us ??

ynfan12 drooling

mackenziearnold 👀 samanthakerr20 ⤷ samanthakerr20 shutup ⤷ yn hello ladies 👋👋

ynbiggestfan wot is this ^??

vanityfair

liked by yn, samanthakerr20 and 52,095 others vanityfair check out our new video featuring our favourite aussie y/n as she talks music, relationships and gives us an insight into what it was like growing up down under.

view all 314 comments

ynlover why is she so cute??!

user14 no, but like i knew she was australian but that accent threw me off a little not gonna lie.

yn thank you so much for having me !!

user27 been a fan since her first single. so happy that she's finally getting the recognition she deserves

iloveyn okay but the sly smile she gave as they asked if she had any sort of romance going on. i think our girl isn't as single as she claims to be

samanthakerr20 😨 i think i found my missing medal ⤷ yn you gave it to me you ass

user31 i love how as a kid she wanted to be a famous soccer player, girl really switched teams on that one.

ynlover

liked by 1,812 ynlover anyone know what this is about? and why have i been stalking samanthakerr20 for the past two hours since seeing these comments.

view all 39 comments

user12 why is it kinda cute?

ynfan13 they grew up together!! i think she mentioned it in one of her early interviews years back.

samkerr20fan they're friends. She's been at a couple of Sam's games over the years.

user82 they're both single 👀👀

user61 yn is 💅 ?? since when

samfan72 i swear sam was in a relationship a few months back??

ynfan57 i've been investigating both their pages and they've been pretty vocal on both sides - except for a period in 2020 where neither of them commented or liked anything of the other.

ynlover i feel like we need weekly catch-ups to discuss everything everyone has found in this new predicament.

liked by samanthakerr20, calumhood and 310,287 others yn recording album number 3, keen as a bean 🫛

view all 3,919 comments

yn poll; should we name the album cool beans?

ynfan12 holy hell!!! cannot wait

5sos 👀

user28 what is 5sos doing here??

iloveyn i love you

user98 ohmygosh yes yes yes

samanthakerr20 did you write any songs about me? ⤷ yn no xoxo

user11 ✍️ someone put this in the receipts ^

calumhood vote yes for cool beans

samkerrfanupdates

liked by 2,082 others samkerrfanupdates sam with fans at last night's game.

view all 111 comments

samfan28 so jealous!!

user73 great game last night girls! can't wait for many more to come.

user25 that's me and my sister in that photo!! we asked her what he favourite album was right now and she said cool beans ?? we tried searching it up but i low key think she made it up. she was really nice tho!

samkerr20fan um... ynlover you're seeing what i'm seeing right? ⤷ ynlover 😨😨😨 why are they such girlfriends.

(can't do better by kim petras)

samanthakerr20

liked by yn, matildas and 401,286 others samanthakerr20 i wonder how many songs this face has inspired?

view all 3,208 comments

user23 so cheeky!

user80 hi sam!!

yn ohmy.

samfan39 im coming to your next game! can't wait to see you.

samkerr20fan so she's just not even denying it anymore?

user15 y'all really gonna forget that fans saw yn and samanthakerr20 kissing when chelsea won the FA women's cup a few months back against man city?? samkerr20fan im sorry??? wot ⤷ user15 yeah, they seemed cosy enough. yn was sitting with the partners of the other Chelsea teammates during the game so...

ynlover i've been summoned

liked by samanthakerr20, matildas and 519,028 others yn last night

view all 1,920 comments

user91 hiiiii

ynfan18 i was there last night you were amazing !!!!

ynfan66 so in love with you

iloveyn why is the matildas here ?? 🤨🤨

samanthakerr20 so proud of you! ⤷ yn mwahhh 😚

user8 i love you so much yn

liked by samanthakerr20, matildas and 610,384 others yn and to think I've been writing songs about you for years. happy two year anniversary my love 💗

comments are limited

samanthakerr20 i love you

matildas our favourite love story

mackenziearnold 👏👏 for putting up for her for years ⤷ samanthakerr20 excuse you ⤷ yn thank you

hayleyraso look at little sammy!

elliecarpenterr yes yes yes!

charli_grant my mums 💗

samanthakerr20

liked by yn, matildas and 510,428 others samanthakerr20 she wrote many songs about me 💗

comments are limited

yn baby, i wrote every album for you

#sam kerr x reader #sam kerr imagines #sam kerr imagine #woso imagine #woso imagines #woso x reader

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writingonleaves · 5 months

Text

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? (did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?) - jeremy swayman

pairing: jeremy swayman x original female character

warnings: swearing, pretty angsty. hopeful ish ending because i can't do sad endings, very personal but i think many can relate in their own way, cliche ish, barely proofread

inspired by + title: "the smallest man who ever lived" by taylor swift

word count: 5.6k

author's note: i'd argue almost every piece any author writes is personal, because it has their life interspersed through the words. but this one really is, because a majority of this is the exact same words i wrote years ago after a break-up. heard the bridge to this song and immediately knew i had to write something inspired by it. also trying a new format of sorts (maybe a bit meta??), so i hope you enjoy and lmk what you think!!

~*~*~

When Noelle Betsko walked away from Jeremy Swayman, holding back tears until the call dropped, she knew it was going to be a tough time for the foreseeable future.

It didn’t matter that the pandemic had forced them apart. She knew she would still feel him for months to come.

She did the only thing she knows how to do when trying to deal with things. The one thing she always resorts to as an aspiring novelist. Sometimes on her laptop when the words were spilling out too quickly for her brain to catch up, tears littering the keyboard. Usually in her old beat-up journal, scribbling in the cursive that Jeremy claimed he always loved (“It makes your handwriting unique”) with the pens he had gifted her just a few months prior.

At the age of 21, Noelle got her heart broken for the first time. At the age of 26, she’s about to publish her first poetry collection of sorts, all of the poems modeled after journal entries written throughout her life. So not really poetry, though her mother would say otherwise.

She swallows as she thumbs through the middle part of the first known and binded copy of “miscellaneous.” There are only eight entries in the whole collection that are taken verbatim from her past writing. These are the eight.

May 13, 2020 (three days post-breakup, crying in my childhood bedroom)

I don’t even recognize who I was and who you were in those writings before these pages filled with love and hope and happiness. I can’t even summon up those feelings anymore that I knew existed at one point. Those feelings of complete bliss and love for someone so deep you can’t explain it.

I’m mad at myself for not being able to conjure those feelings, because at one point, I did love you. How could something that was part of my daily life for over two years just disappear so quickly?

But now, I’m not mad at myself. I’m mad, but I don’t know where to direct that anger to. I feel a bit empty sometimes, but then frustrated the next. Sometimes I get sad, but not so much compared to the other feelings. I spent enough time being sad during our relationship.

When we broke up, on an annoyingly beautiful Tuesday in May — over the damn phone, mind you, which whatever, it’s COVID. Fine — You told me you felt like you had been putting more effort into us.

At the time, I didn’t react, but I’ve been thinking about how angry that statement made me. Makes me, actually. I was always very open with how much I gave to that relationship. How much it meant to me. How much it affected me. But I understand that with some people, sharing everything too much equates to things not meaning anything anymore. But you out of all people should’ve known that I mean everything I say.

I felt like I gave so much. I know I gave so much. When I told you I loved you, I always meant it. Every single time. When I told you I missed you, I always meant it. I wished you were right next to me at that moment. I mentally gave so much, because to me, I wanted to. You were always on my mind, always high up on my list of priorities. I never took us for granted.

I’ve been questioning if that was the same for you. Did you start becoming complacent?

The second thing you said that day that hasn’t left my head is that you knew me pretty well. And initially, I remember not thinking much of it. So I don’t doubt that; you always knew right when I was about to cry, even over the phone. You often knew when I was mad or upset, but when I look back now, you never pushed. Which is a good thing, to an extent. But it was a bad thing sometimes too. I knew you often wanted to give me space, but sometimes I didn’t want space. I wanted you to push. To try to understand. Maybe that’s unfair of me; it probably is. I should just say I want to talk about it more, right?

But if you genuinely knew me, you would’ve known.

After two years, seven months and 12 days, I still feel like I didn’t know you. Did I ever know you at all?

When people talked shit about you, I always defended you. And I still would defend you now. But lately, I've questioned what I’m even defending. All those good qualities that I thought you had, were they even real? Of course, I know some of them were, to a certain extent. But as I look back on us, there’s a lot of doubt about whether I even knew the person I called my boyfriend for so long. I know there was a point where you cared about me, but I can’t remember when.

I often felt like I was letting you know so much about my life, but you didn’t do the same. I get that sometimes a person just wants to forget about the bad and focus on the good with a person you like for awhile. I get that. But once that was happening every damn time? That should’ve been a red flag.

June 7, 2020 (twenty eight days post break-up, outside my childhood room on the deck)

I don’t understand how you can give so much to something or someone and have it not be recognized or appreciated or enough. If I wasn’t enough for you, how will I be enough for anyone?

I hope one day you’ll truly understand how much this hurt. Not just the breakup, but feeling like I was always being pulled in a direction I didn’t always want to be pulled in. Feeling I was stuck between a rock and a hard place and never ever being able to win. I hate that I settled so much in the last year. Because I should’ve demanded more, even though deep down I knew you were never going to be able to give it to me.

I think back to our past daily texts, and I just don’t get it. At one point, we both meant the things we said to each other.

Yet we still hurt each other.

This fucking hurts.

You’ve hurt me so much, but most of it wasn’t intentional, which I think is somewhat even worse. Because I’m not totally mad at you for causing the pain. You never did anything outright to cause me pain, but I still feel like you did.

Unintentional pain almost stings more than intentional.

When I asked you out that night after we were both on an emotional high, I took a chance. For once in my life, I took the leap, knowing that I could get humiliated or hurt or just straight up shot down.

Where did it all go wrong? Or, more realistically, how did we think that we could go through the wrong when it was there at the start?

I’m trying not to blame myself too much. Trying not to tell myself that I should’ve known better.

All those times, especially at the start, when I would ask you if you genuinely liked me, you always thought I was just trying to be annoying. But you never understood that I genuinely thought that way. My self confidence from the start was lacking, and you didn’t try to understand that, because I come across to everyone as confident and self-assured.

It hurt, when you would brush things off like that. I felt like you didn’t care.

And then, it got to the point where I stopped asking that question. Part of that is because I did become more confident and you did show that you cared, and part of that was because I knew it would piss you off.

The amount of things I was scared to talk about with you because I knew it would piss you off? I don’t wish that feeling on anybody.

I shouldn’t have been scared. I shouldn’t have been uncomfortable. But I was. And if you did notice like sometimes you claimed to, why didn’t you make it more comfortable for me? Was that too much to ask for?

So larger than life that at the end, you faded into just the smallest man who ever lived. Fuck you.

Was it too much to ask for when I just wanted to know why you were upset? You didn’t have to ever tell me the full story (lord knows there were times I didn’t), but was it too much to ask for something? You told me once that I’m the person you’ve told the most to. How? You barely told me anything. And when I wanted to talk to you, whether it was about growing up in Alaska or why you were in a bad mood last night, you always brushed it off. Always.

So I don’t feel so bad about feeling like I gave more effort. I gave so much of myself to you. If you really cared about me like you claimed you did, why couldn’t you show even just 1% of that care back? Or just meet me in the middle?

I could’ve tried harder to meet you in the middle, I’ll admit that. But you didn’t even give me a map or a clue how to.

I felt so fucking left in the dark. I felt left in the dark about my own fucking relationship, something that I should be completely sure about. If you really love someone and care about them, how can you leave them in the dark? How could you not even see that I was struggling to find a flashlight?

You did care about me. I know that. To some extent and at some point in time, you did care about me. But caring about someone and their well-being isn’t always enough.

Why couldn’t you have worked with me? When I was extending my hand out, why didn’t you reach for it? How can someone just be so blind? I mean, I’m practically always spelling it out for you.

Maybe I am being selfish. But fuck, I just wanted to be happy. At some point, you made me happy. When did I start making you feel like I wasn’t enough? Why wasn’t I enough for you?

It’s useless, in a way, to keep going about this. Because I know I deserve better. And we’ll both find people who are better for us. We just couldn’t be that person to each other.

I fucking loved you.

I wish it ended differently.

July 8, 2020 (fifty nine days post-breakup, in front of the lake)

I really really fucking miss you.

I do.

I miss being able to text you that i love you and not necessarily expecting a response until the next morning. I miss knowing that as soon as you wake up, you’ll text me back and assure me that yeah, you love me too.

I’m left feeling bittersweet as I look back on memories that are just splashes and not definite strokes on the canvas that used to be us.

I miss having you as a friend.

I’ve been having more urges lately to want to text you. And it isn’t even anything important. Just moments I experience throughout the day.

Do you get the urge to do the same?

July 19, 2020 (seventy days post-breakup, still in the same damn house)

It’s hard. It really is. And it kinda just hits you at random parts of the day. Sometimes I wake up from a dream that you were in and have to remind myself that it didn’t happen.

Sometimes it physically aches when I realize that you won’t ever help me put on my jacket again, or complain that my hair is in your face when we’re lying on the couch watching Brooklyn Nine Nine, or groan when I drag you up to dance with me (which you never improved on, no matter how many times I tried to teach you basic rhythm). I can’t view our song the same way anymore, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to.

The other day, I read some simple thing on Twitter. I don’t even remember what it was, but I do remember that for a split second, I could see your smile in my mind. But it wasn’t just any smile. It was the smile you gave me when you took me ice skating that first time. I remember asking you what you were smiling at, and you said that you just were taking in this moment. I don’t know if you took a mental picture that day, but I know I did. That day seems so long ago now.

In almost anything I do, you somehow pop into my mind or into the conversation. And it’s not even in a harmful way either. It’s because you were part of my life for so long. I see a dog on the street, and it reminds me of how you always stopped to pet every single one we’s see I write something in my messy handwriting, and I remember how you always used to complain that you couldn’t read the notes I’d occasionally leave around your place when you went away. I went to the doctor’s the other day, and they said I was 5 feet and 3 inches, which is just definitely not true, and I almost reached for my phone to text you, because you would’ve cackled and insisted that no, I’m 5 feet 2 inches and it wouldn’t even matter because I’ll always be shorter than you. It’s simple and minute things that make me miss you that much more.

I still can’t listen to some songs the same way anymore, but I can at least listen to them now, which is a feat in itself. I was unpacking from college and found the teddy bear you sent me the first extended time we had to be apart and had to immediately put that out of my sight. From those boxes also came photos that I had decorated my dorm room with, and to be honest, I’m glad now that I let you keep our best one. I deal with all my emotions, besides writing, by making Spotify playlists, and I made a new one earlier this week. I think it’s helping. It’s a slow process, this whole moving on thing, but it’s one that I’m trying to be grateful for, because like most things in life, you just don’t truly know until you go through it.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering how you are and how you’re healing. But, even though we’ve both changed since the day we met, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you’re incredibly strong and stubborn. I hope that you’re finding some growth in this process too.

October 17, 2020 (one hundred fifty seven days post-break up, apartment in orono)

It’s been almost 5 months, and you still cross my mind everyday.

Why wasn’t I enough for you? Why didn’t you fucking tell me what you were thinking? Why was I the one who had to approach you just because I was just so done with the silent treatment?

But I’m not mad at you. Not anymore. The mad phase passed ages ago.

Closure is a fake word. Even a breakup as mutual and smooth as ours was still left me with so many questions that will probably never be answered.

Any breakup fucks you up to some extent. I knew it was going to mess me up even back when we were together. But not like this. Never like this.

But like anything in life, I guess you can never really prepare for what you think you might feel, because most of the time, you discover a whole new side of you that you never thought existed.

I don’t miss you. I don’t. I don’t feel that love in any way anymore.

But I did once.

You did too, right?

November 15, 2020 (one hundred eighty six days post break-up, fogler library)

I hate Halloween.

Though, it did bring me to you three years ago. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you right then and there.

Three years later, you texted me on Halloween, five months after our breakup. The universe really, really wanted to fuck with me.

It was a tough night for you. I knew that. Because I know how you are after losing a game you should’ve won. But that didn’t mean that I owed you anything and had to respond.

We agreed on no contact if we ever wanted to stay friends. Clearly, friends is out of the picture now, but come on. A vulnerable text after a bad night because you know I would feel bad for you?

Fuck, you know how much I would hate that. You had to have known.

Just because we’re not dating anymore doesn’t mean that everything about you just disappears. I still know your tendencies. I still know exactly how my head burrows into your chest during a hug. I still know the actions I used to do that would be followed by you attacking me with a hug. I still could point you out in a crowd.

I looked for you in every crowd for years.

That stuff doesn’t just go away, no matter how much I want it to. But fuck. Fuck. Why did you text me?

I don’t regret how I handled it. I probably would’ve responded months ago. But just like you, I’ve grown these last couple of months.

It was comforting, for a split second, to know that maybe, just maybe, these past couple of months have been hard for you too. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel like I’m not crazy.

I’m glad you texted me. You gave me another level of closure I hadn’t known that I needed until then.

But fuck, dude. You know me better than that. You should know me better than that.

I hate Halloween.

November 26, 2020 (one hundred ninety seven days, at the coffee shop i brought you to when you came home with me two years ago)

I don’t regret loving you, but I hate you for what you did to me.

Or maybe not.

I hate knowing that even though we haven’t been in a relationship in a bit, it feels like sometimes, you’re on my mind the exact same amount when we were dating. I hate knowing that I gave so much of myself and my love to you, and it always felt unrecognized.

Fuck, will it ever stop hurting? Will I ever be able to have to stop myself from thinking about you? Will it ever stop?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Happy birthday. I hope you enjoy it.

June 12, 2021 (three hundred ninety five days post-break up, in boston, visiting a friend)

Tonight, when a friend asked me about you and how I felt about how we ended, I was able to articulate my thoughts clearly. I’m really proud of myself for getting to a point where I can take the lessons I learned the few months after we broke up and acknowledge them in a succinct way without breaking down into tears. Just watery eyes and the occasional voice crack

I’m also proud that I can say that when we were dating, I lost a bit of myself. For months, it was really hard to admit out loud.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. Sometimes, I wish I could call or text you about it, because I think you’d be proud too. And I know I’d be proud of you. I am, to be honest. I do break resolve once in awhile and check on you through various avenues.

I still haven’t seen you in person since the last time COVID made us say goodbye. Maybe I never will again. But day by day, I’m starting to accept that and be okay with it. I’m accepting that memories that used to be so painted in my mind are blurry or almost completely erased now. But that’s okay. Honestly, it’s probably for the best.

I wonder, when you think about it, if you think about different moments that I do. That’s the thing when something ends. You have to be okay with letting go of those moments and realizing that just because you forget them, doesn’t mean they weren’t important.

I don’t think I miss you. I hesitate in saying that. Because I’ve moved on and handled the aftermath of it better than I think both of us ever thought I could. When you hung up the phone for the last time, I proved to myself again that I’m stronger than I give myself credit for. I think we all are. But we don’t realize it until we’re thrown into a situation that we think we’ll never be able to overcome.

But we do. Whether it’s because we’re forced to because there’s no other option, it doesn’t matter. Because we get through. We move on.

I hope you're moving on.

And then it goes into other topics, graduating during a pandemic specifically and losing what’s supposed to be your last year of no responsibilities before adulthood. There are other poems in here that reference a past relationship, but not as much as these eight.

If there’s one thing that Noelle did change, it was taking out the details. Jeremy may have hurt her, but he doesn’t deserve someone possibly making a connection between these poems and their shared background. She’s not a famous author by any means, but she wanted to be careful.

Not that she makes that part of her life publicly known. People don’t need to know that her brother was Jeremy’s captain for two years at Maine and that’s how they met.

Noelle grew up going to rinks. She hasn’t gone to one since they broke up.

But also, what the fuck? It’s been five years since she’s dated the guy. She really is over it by now, even if his rise to stardom in the Bruins flittering on her social media feeds still sometimes has her swallowing a bit before she can continue with her day.

Brooklyn is far enough from Boston. But sometimes it feels like it’s right outside her door.

She’s proud of her first published work. She really is. People believed in her and after numerous notes swapped back and forth with her editor, she did it. She always knew she wanted to work in publishing. She never knew she herself would publish anything.

And here she is now, two weeks after the book release, in Boston, about to do a q&a and a signing. Apparently, “miscellaneous” has been on top of numerous lists and it’s flying off the shelves. Noelle can’t really believe it and tries not to think about it too much, trusting her agent with all of that.

She’s happy to talk about her work and process though. That she can handle. And she’s grateful for all the love.

After a signing at a local bookstore, she decides to walk the 20 minutes home in the Boston fall. It’s a bit brisk, but she doesn’t mind and she just wanders, belly filled with delicious sushi she inhaled for dinner with an old friend.

Of course it happens the one time during her walk when she doesn’t avoid eye contact with someone. The song playing in her earbuds fade out of her focus and she almost stumbles.

Jeremy’s eyes were always Noelle’s favorite thing about him. She thought she would’ve forgotten what they looked like by now. But clearly she hasn’t.

Her eyes quickly cast to the person next to him. It’s definitely a girl. They’re a bit too far away for Noelle to pick out details. But it’s enough. He’s walking on the side closest to the street. It’s a Friday Night in a bustling part of the city.

It hurts. She wishes it didn’t.

Even from far away, she sees his eyes blink in recognition. Noelle puts her head back down and walks faster.

(She cries in the shower when she gets back to the hotel. She had debated feeling super sorry for herself and going to the hotel bar but refrained)

She has a few free days in Boston before flying back to New York. When she wakes up the next morning, she debates on going home early. But no, she won’t let a three second glance at someone ruin her time here. She used to occasionally come here during her college days. She loves this city.

The city may be Jeremy’s, but she can make space for herself here too.

She takes her time at a cafe, people watching and eating some breakfast. As she takes her coffee to-go, she looks out the window at the bookstore she was in the night before for the signing. She almost drops her coffee.

Jeremy walks into the book store.

Now, Noelle is debating her options. What she should do is continue with her day and walk in the opposite direction. But she’s always been too nosy for her own good. And maybe a bit self destructive. She decides to leave the cafe and cross the street immediately, so impatient to where she’s almost tapping her foot as the pedestrian signal stays red.

As a writer, she’s no stranger to movie moments. The scenes written in books or movies where the timing is too accurate to be real. The situation too good to be true. But after a car speeds through an orange and she can finally walk, she stops in her tracks instead, feet glued down to the sidewalk.

Because Jeremy is right in front of her on the other side of the street. Her book in his hand. And he’s looking right at her.

The first feeling she can recognize in herself is anger. Anger at the way their relationship panned out. Anger at the way they ended. Anger at the radio silence the years following. Anger at him for everything. Angry at herself for everything.

The second feeling is, weirdly, shame, which she’s embarrassed by. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. But she feels it anyways.

The third, and perhaps the most prominent, is emptiness. Five fucking years later, and she’s brought back to the emptiness she felt immediately after they broke up. The emptiness that the person you loved isn’t yours anymore — who maybe wasn’t ever yours to begin with.

Before she can run, he’s already crossed the street to her. He looks naturally different as someone who you haven’t seen in five years would. But he also heartbreakingly looks the same.

“We should get out of people’s way,” Noelle manages to chokes out.

Jeremy laughs a bit. Her heart lurches. “Yeah.” He starts walking and she follows him wordlessly. This is his city after all.

He leads them to a bench under a tree with beautiful fall foliage. She puts at least a foot between them as they both sit down, staring out at the people passing. She can’t take the silence.

“I see you bought my book.”

“I did,” he replies evenly. “Congratulations. I always knew you would do it.”

She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she squeezes hard enough she’ll forget when she originally pitched Jeremy the bare bones idea of the exact same book that’s currently in his hand. “Thank you. Congratulations to you too. On everything.”

“You’ve been watching?”

She shakes her head. “No. But, you know Seth and…yeah. It comes up during family calls sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you say hi last night?”

She looks pointedly at a couple walking their dog. “You seemed busy.”

“She wasn’t-that-it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Oh. Because that makes me feel so much better,” she spits out, before taking a deep breath. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. We broke up ages ago.”

“I’m sorry,” she gives him a look and is slightly proud of how he seems to shrink into himself a bit. “I-I know it’s five years too late. I know I didn’t handle it as well as I should’ve. But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

The thing is, Noelle always thought that maybe hearing an apology someday would make her feel better. But now that’s heard it, she’s not sure she does.

She swallows. “I appreciate that.”

“I’ve already read it, you know.”

“Read what?”

Jeremy runs a hand through his hair. “Your book. One of my teammate’s girlfriend recommended it and I asked to borrow it. It’s fantastic,” He looks down at the book in his hand. It’s like the cover is taunting her. “I wanted my own copy.”

“Oh.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For letting me off the hook with the poems I know were about me,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself. “You could’ve written way worse.”

She can’t help but let out a chuckle. “I thought I was pretty mean.”

“Your definition of ‘pretty mean’ is tame compared to a lot of people,” he says, mindlessly flipping through the pages of the book. “You were always the kindest person, even when you shouldn’t have been..”

He puts his hand out in her direction, the hand with the book in it. She furrows her eyebrows. “What-”

“Could I get a signed copy?”

“Jeremy. What do you want from me?”

He sighs, taking his hand back. “A chance to apologize?”

“You’ve already done that.”

“Not in the way I want to and what you deserve.”

She lets out a sigh, turning to face him fully. “I don’t know if that would be worth my time or yours. I know the book just came out, but that was five years ago. I’m over it. Forgive and forget, right?”

“But do you?” Jeremy counters back. “Clearly, you don’t forget, which I deserve. But forgive?”

“We’re just going in circles now.”

“No we’re not,” he says firmly. “You’re just shutting me down because you don’t want to talk about it. I’ve had five years to prepare what I would say to you if I saw you again. You’re telling me you haven’t?”

“Of course I have,” Noelle tips her head back. “But also, what’s the point?”

“The point, is that I still love you.”

“Fuck you,” she says in a strained voice. “You can’t just-you can’t just throw that shit out there. Fuck you.”

He bites his lip, and to her annoyance, he laughs. But she listens more carefully, and it sounds very self deprecating. “I deserved that.”

“Yeah,” Noelle looks down at her feet. “So…what? You still love me?”

“I do.”

“And what are you going to do about that?”

“What are you going to let me do?”

“I live in Brooklyn.”

“I know,” she whips her head up. Jeremy looks sheepish, which she didn’t even think was something he knew how to do. “Seth mentioned it when we caught up a bit ago. I also still follow you on Instagram.”

She tries again. “It’s been five years.”

“And I’m here sitting with you and still feel the exact same way I did back then. Even more, to be honest.” He eyes her pointedly. “Any more excuses?”

Her voice softens. “You really hurt me.”

“I know. And I’m so sorry, Noelle.”

“I hurt you too.”

He shrugs. “We were young and stupid.”

“And we’re still not?” Noelle says with a snort before swallowing. “I’m not the same person you fell in love with.”

“I’m sure I’m not either. But I don’t know if there’s a world where I don’t love every version of you.”

“Even after reading the book?”

“Especially after reading the book,” he sighs. “Noelle, I know this is unfair of me. All of this. And I’m sorry it’s taken me this long to reach out. But I always intended to. And then you’re here? And I see you twice in two days? I’d be an idiot to not try. More of an idiot than I am, anyways.”

“Try for what?”

“A second chance? To be friends? Whatever you want.” He suddenly deflates. “Even if you don’t want anything to do with me. At least I’ll know.”

“Why did you never text me?”

“I thought about it a lot,” he admits. “I tried once, actually, after the high of a really good win. But it didn’t go through. I got the message.”

“The message?”

“You blocked me, right?”

Oh. “Yeah,” she lies. “I did.” She reaches into her bag for a pen and gestures for the book, which he gives to her, a curious gleam in his eyes. “I’m in Boston for two more days, including today.”

He takes the hint immediately. Eagerly. “I have a game tonight, but I’m free tomorrow.”

“Who are you guys playing?”

“Toronto. And I’m starting. Should be a good one.”

She hums non-committedly, scribbling on the inside of the front cover. She hands it back to him with a small, close-lipped smile. She nods at him to read the message.

to my first fan,

i still love you too.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

yours,

noelle

He looks up, eyes shining but a bit confused.

“I never blocked you. I just changed my number.”

“Oh.”

“And even if I still love you, I’m still mad at you.”

“I know. I’d be more surprised if you weren’t.”

She stands up, adjusting the bag on her shoulder and putting her sunglasses on. “Text me?”

His mouth splits wide into a grin. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.”

She backs away with one last attempt at a smile before turning down the street.

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dazaiandhislovelybandages · 1 year

Text

Port Mafia Black {Dazai}

▪︎ Synopsis: Dazai prefers it when he is drunk because memories of all the people he cared about flood his brain

▪︎ Pairing: Dazai x fem!reader

▪︎ Genre: angst

▪︎ Trigger warnings: mentions of suicide, consumption of alcohol, mentions of vomiting, hallucinations

As much as he thinks he has achieved self-awareness, Dazai Osamu is far from knowing himself. What he does know is that he can't bare thinking of the past sober even though that would clearly lead to him ending things. Wasn't that his goal after all?

And when Dazai drinks in order to think about his past, he drinks a lot. Bottles of beer, soju, whiskey, vodka, you name it. Anything to get him drunk.

It's like a ritual at this point. His own little séance of summoning the ghosts of the past. The balcony door closed, just like the bathroom door -the last time he vomited, he hadn't even got the chance to run to the bathroom so it was useless- and the only thing providing light there being a small kerosene lamp he had no idea how he had gotten.

And the ritual starts. Dazai will slowly open the bottles and then start drinking. One shot of whiskey, two shots of vodka, three shots of soju and the list went on. Given the fact that he hadn't eaten since his lunch break at ADA the alcohol would hit him harder than always expected.

So here he was, his right leg bent, his hands behind his head, laying down on his futon with the world spinning around him. And it felt nice. It felt nice not having to pretend to be that type of drunk who couldn't stop talking, or have others around him trying to give him coffee to sober up.

He didn't want to sober up.

He wanted to close his eyes and see Oda talking to him about... it didn't matter what Oda would talk to him about as long as he talked to him. He wanted to close his eyes and find himself sitting at the bar of Lupin even if that meant that he would have to go through everything he did in the Port Mafia again.

You see, Dazai Osamu deep inside him, has no regrets. He likes to believe that he does and for a few very superficial things, he actually does but for the most part? He doesn't give a shit. It has been so long since he felt like himself that at this point everything he has done seem like puzzle pieces that if he manages to connect then he'll find himself.

Don't get him wrong though, he likes ADA. It is better than the Port Mafia but...

His hallucinations in this drunken state always start the same. That's how he likes them. Him sitting with Oda and Ango at Lupin, talking about their day with the exception that he is not eighteen anymore. Suddenly he gets a phone call and as he looks at his phone, he sees that it's Chuuya. That bastard haunts him even when he is drunk but he wouldn't have it any other way. Chuuya completes the scenario after all.

He wants to believe it's about work and it partly is because Chuuya starts complaining to him about how he should have taken care of the paperwork and that the next time he catches him messing with his wine bottles he'll kill him as painfully as possible. And that is when the complains stop and Chuuya lowers his voice, almost to a whisper.

"She is back" He will say and the next thing Dazai knows is he is back in the Port Mafia building, heading to the terrace. Two heads will turn to look at him, waiting for him to take a seat next to them on the ledge.

There is always this... problem. You, much like Oda, are sitting in the middle. Dazai doesn't know what that means because you're very much alive, still working for the Port Mafia even though he hasn't seen you in years but he rolls with it because you are there.

Right when Chuuya starts complaining about him being slow and all that, Dazai takes a seat next to you and for the first time he doesn't think of jumping off the edge. He turns to look at you, a slightly troubled expression on your face and he reaches out to pat your head just like he used to do back then.

And that is when everything starts to feel off because Chuuya offers him a glass of wine but Dazai knows that he physically can't drink anymore because he will throw up and the hungover will be so bad that he won't be able to go to work tomorrow and Kunikida will start yelling.

But in his "dream" there is no Kunikida. He is not supposed to be working for the ADA, he is not even supposed to know them. In a moment of panic, Dazai takes the entire bottle out of Chuuya's hand and gulps it down in one go.

He can't seem to shut his brain down. All those little voices that tell him that what he is dreaming about is not real and he should wake up and sober himself up immediately... they won't shut up.

Slowly he starts hating himself for it. Because when all of this is done, the only thing he can think of is what Higuchi had told him back at that alley.

A part of him feels at peace when thinking about ADA. He knows he has done the right thing according to Oda. But deep inside him, deeper than he actually thinks, he knows his heart is Port Mafia black and he wants back what he once had.

▪︎A/n: send angst requests please

#bungou stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs anime #bungou stray dogs manga #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu x reader #osamu dazai x reader #dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bsd #bsd dazai x reader #bsd dazai #writing #anime and manga #anime #dazai angst #dazai x reader angst

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scribblestatic · 3 days

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I promise y'all I'm not trying to slow burn y'all to the confrontation; I just thought of this situation considering Liu Qingge's dead in this universe and I had to write it first qwq

As an apology, this one is much longer than the others. I even put a Read More on it, it's that long.

Prev: Part 3

---

Luo Binghe isolated Shen Yuan for a while at the beginning. He was exceptionally unhealthy and had a hard time holding conversations at first due to exhaustion. However, after a few weeks, his body started filling in and his hair wasn't nearly as fragile.

By this point, the wives had heard that Shen Qingqiu was removed from the Water Prison and taken to Luo Binghe's quarters. Of course, some of the ladies wanted to know why, considering all of the horrors Shen Qingqiu forced on his young student. Little Palace Mistress in particular was ready to whip him to shreds like she had done several times before.

However, instead of the others, the first one to see him is Liu Mingyan.

She had snuck in, back before Luo Binghe more heavily warded his quarters from his still-large harem.

She found him in Binghe's bed, still sallow but looking healthier, hair spread out on the pillow, both eyes closed. The one without an eyeball had a flattened, drooping eyelid uncovered by an eyepatch at the moment. She stared down at him for a good while, noting how the sheets didn't fill with his limbs like they did for others. Gazing at how his chest moved with each breath.

Eventually, she started to move, raising the dagger she had in her hand.

"...Excuse me."

Her eyes flicked up to his face, seeing his remaining eye open.

From his gaze, she ended up freezing.

After all, there was no way the Shen Qingqiu she knew had such a calm, almost kind look to him.

"This one would usually not hinder you on your quest for revenge... However, it seems Luo Binghe desires this one alive. I, ah, cannot say how he would react upon returning to see me dead." His eye looks away. "And, this one isn't the Shen Qingqiu you are familiar with. Apparently you can tell from my qi? Please check as you wish."

He shifted a bit, raising his right arm before pausing. After all, he only had about half of his bicep left.

"Ah. Right. I don't have wrists anymore."

They paused in an awkward silence, and Liu Mingyan lowered the dagger.

"...Your voice sounds different."

"Does it? For some reason, I can't tell. It sounds like me, but also doesn't sound like me. But I guess this one doesn't sound like Shen Jiu."

"Who is that."

"Ah, Shen Qingqiu. Or, well, he was." The amputated man in the bed smiled waveringly, and expression she never once thought she'd ever see on such a face. How did he manage to make such sharp eyes soften like that? "This one is Shen Yuan though. Luo Binghe summoned me here... Not exactly sure why, but I'm sure it's for a good reason."

His manner of speech was still polite, but his tone was more casual. And tired, a little like it took some effort for him to interact with her. There were also bags below his present eye, the eyelid to the other one having lifted slightly from muscle memory. She saw the scarring inside, her own eye twitching in unwilling sympathetic pain.

The eyelid shut tightly a moment later.

"Ah, excuse me. This one is sorry you have to see me in such a state. I'm sure it's quite ugly."

She stared down at him a while longer before she left without saying anything else.

Of course, once Luo Binghe returned and Shen Yuan talked about Liu Mingyan's visit (sans the dagger, of course), the demon emperor responded by more heavily warding his quarters and giving a firm talking to his harem about not visiting his shizun.

(Why, they wondered, did he say that word with affection now when it previously only curled from his mouth doused in hatred?)

Still, while Liu Mingyan pondered over the strange spirit taking up residence in Shen Qingqiu's body, the spirit, Shen Yuan, asked to be able to visit her. Luo Binghe told her this, his arms crossed and appearing very unsatisfied.

"He cannot come to you. So you go to him."

Luo Binghe wasn't one to order her around, not usually. Unless he needed martial assistance, for her to follow him during the many battles they fought in together at that point, or they wanted to share body heat, he left her to herself. She had a firm position in the harem, a powerful one at that, so it was not often she received any sort of order.

But he ordered her to visit Shen Yuan, who had wanted to somehow visit her himself.

Strange...

"Ah, this one didn't really think about his mobility when I asked to visit you. This one apologizes to have disturbed you."

This time, he's dressed in more layers than just his night clothes. He also has an eyepatch over his empty right socket. Instead of a top-do, his hair is tied with a ribbon along his lower back, still going easy on the styles as his hair recovers. He seems more comfortable than he was when she first saw him.

Again, that sheepishly polite look on his face. The likelihood that this was just some other scheme by Shen Qingqiu to harm Luo Binghe in some way seemed increasingly less likely. Besides, he had said something about being summoned into the body.

She really should've checked his soul that night. Luo Binghe had told her not to touch him, and at that moment, he was currently sitting in a nearby chair, acting as though he wasn't paying attention by reading a book.

"...Hmm. You haven't disturbed me. This Mingyan was also interested in seeing you again."

"For certain, you must have questions. This one probably produced more than answered them when we first met. I hope to clear up what I can."

So, she asks about what he meant that he was Shen Yuan, and he said he wasn't Shen Jiu but someone else. He's dodgy when she asks where he came from, but he does at least say that he's from another world, which...sounds quite like what Luo Binghe had said after he temporarily disappeared after a battle, instead replaced by some strange replica of him.

The other him had been tall, his hair curling like a curtain of waves along his back. His skin was darker, body more built with muscle and health. He was, indeed, incredibly handsome.

If not for the fact he had been extremely hostile.

He fought viciously, nearly killing Sha Hualing in one of her usual attempts to fight their lord husband, only realizing that he wasn't him and shifting to fighting him with the intent to kill. But instead, he used a sword that seemed to be Xin Mo, but wrapped in bindings that hindered its presence and power. Moreover, the moves he used, the talismans, the sword forms...

He had been trained properly in Qing Jing's martial arts, only seemingly lacking in some experience. But he overcame her with sheer force of power and technique.

After he managed to leave, their lord husband later returned, a strange braid having made its way into his hair.

He has yet to take it down, even now.

He returned with distress and a renewed anger toward Shen Qingqiu. From what she could hear, he had roared in fury at him, demanding to know why he couldn't have been "like him." Why he deserved vitriol from him at all.

It seemed to hurt Luo Binghe more to have conclusive evidence that Shen Qingqiu could've been different than it had been to imagine it.

...Was this "Shen Yuan" supposed to be a different Shen Qingqiu, summoned into the broken body of another version of himself?

Shen Yuan cringes when she asks, saying he would never have been anything like that "scum villain." Their souls have to be entirely different. It just so happens he occupied this empty body and Luo Binghe...wants something from him, and that he'll do what he can to help with whatever it is.

Liu Mingyan sends a look toward Luo Binghe, who gazes at the back of Shen Yuan's head, not even facing his book anymore.

She understands it then.

She's unsure what spell he'd used, but it does seem Shen Yuan truly is another soul summoned into Shen Qingqiu's body. The child who had wanted a kind shizun...he never healed. Is this his way of getting what he wants now? But, isn't this a loss of some sort?

Sure, the soul inside Shen Qingqiu is polite and kind, if not a bit oblivious, but it's not Shen Jiu (his name before courtesy, apparently). The true Shen Qingqiu never changed, even until he had to be replaced.

And now, Shen Qingqiu no longer has to suffer for the sins he committed, like murdering her brother.

Dissatisfaction curls in her heart... But it's not something to take out on the soul now inside his body. So, even if she doesn't quite return the sentiment, she at least isn't rude to him.

After their meeting ends, she talks to Ning Yingying, who had been worrying about the situation.

She seems relieved that Shen Qingqiu's soul is gone.

After several months, here's how some major ladies relate with Shen Yuan:

Liu Mingyan: Good Friendship

After their meeting, they didn't really talk much until she found him reading one of her books and he waxed poetic about its good, bad, ugly, and beautiful points. He turned so pale when she revealed she'd written it, but she also found herself appreciative of his honesty with her work. She starts showing him her drafts, which he reviews just as honestly as he did before, and they become more friendly.

Shen Yuan temporarily recedes from their friendship after he starts having more Shen Jiu dreams, and after she asks him what's wrong enough times, he finally has a sit down with her and confesses that he might actually be Shen Jiu, and he doesn't feel he deserves her friendship. They do become strained for a good minute again, but she eventually asks him to tell her why he killed Liu Qingge.

He was going to lie, but instead, he tells the truth—he hadn't meant to. In the dreams, he's trying desperately to save Liu Qingge, but his own poor control and cultivation accidentally kills him. He never confessed that it was an accident out of guilt and shame and that he felt he basically murdered Liu Qingge. The fact Shen Yuan starts crying during this distresses him further, as he feels it's even more proof that he might be Shen Jiu.

But Liu Mingyan is distressed for a different reason, since it means she took her anger and revenge out on a man who had actually tried to save her brother. They both don't talk for a while again, neither feeling like they deserve to associate with the other. However, when they both try to apologize, they say the other doesn't need to: Liu Mingyan because Shen Jiu was a grown man and should've told the truth, even if he didn't feel he'd be believed, and Shen Yuan because he might not even be Shen Jiu, and even if he was, then she's the one who wrong him more.

Shen Yuan insists that she was only working off what information she received and she couldn't be held accountable for that, but Liu Mingyan says that she would hold herself accountable for her response, and that she has to accept that she was in the wrong. Because Shen Qingqiu never said he had killed Liu Qingge, and had she not been caught up in her feelings, she could've seen how silent he was about accusations toward him, even if they were wild.

That makes Shen Yuan go quiet since he's thinking about how often Shen Jiu stays silent to accusations that, via his dreams, he's realizing weren't ever true.

After some time, their relationship heals, and they start talking again. He sees her as someone reliable and straightforward, and she sees him as someone incredibly forgiving, who has a kind heart that's honestly too soft for the dangerous world they live in. So, she ends up becoming something of a guardian friend for him whenever Binghe's away. She also enjoys talking about trashy smut novels with him while learning how to write even better prose and storylines.

Ning Yingying: Currently? Strained.

At first, he becomes very close to her after Liu Mingyan told her that Shen Qingqiu's soul was replaced by someone else. She quickly went to get to know him and learn more about him, chatting it up and being her outgoing, friendly self. However, after a few times, Shen Yuan can sense that there's something a tad strained about how she associates with him under it all.

She's the first one he tells about the strange Shen Jiu dreams, which took him a while to decide to tell anyone about anyway.

She, ah, did not react well.

Ning Yingying had turned pale and left the room hurriedly. The attendants at the time started talking about him "showing his true colors" on the grapevine (which prompts him to confess to Binghe and eventually prompts Liu Mingyan's visit and his confession to her about possibly being Shen Jiu). Shen Yuan first thinks she ran away from him because he had sexually groomed her, and he even recedes from accepting Luo Binghe's attention as well, which put them in a rocky spot.

But then he has a dream about Shen Jiu's relationship with Ning Yingying, and...

No. Nothing.

If anything, he just had a familial relationship with her. Shen Jiu thought of Ning Yingying as a daughter.

He watched Shen Jiu keep her from working in the Warm Red Pavilion when she was perhaps too young to remember, right around the same time he dreams that he actually went there to avoid being around the men on the peak. He paid special attention to her because of his distaste for men, to the point he doted on her too much.

When he brought Luo Binghe onto his peak just to spite Liu Qingge, Ning Yingying's attention on him didn't spark jealousy, but fear.

He was afraid that Luo Binghe would become like Qiu Jianluo, and Ning Yingying would become like Qiu Haitang. That fueled his unjustified hatred and mistreatment toward Luo Binghe, as though expecting him specifically to become just like the man who assaulted him...

And didn't he? Didn't Luo Binghe become that person in the end? All because of a self-fulfilling prophecy that didn't have to be that way if Shen Jiu trusted someone else and got help. He turned Luo Binghe into his worst nightmare. And Ning Yingying...lied to help get him imprisoned.

Remember the pause during Liu Mingyan's part when they were apologizing to each other? That was him thinking about Shen Jiu's problem: he never spoke up, assuming no one would believe him. He helped cause his own problems...but he couldn't even blame it all on Shen Jiu's secretive nature anymore.

Not long after he and Liu Mingyan make up (with some remaining strain with Binghe, but the man hasn't abandoned taking care of him, thankfully), he dreams about Ning Yingying's false account of his lewd nature. And he feels, in his own chest, that Shen Jiu felt utterly abandoned by everyone in the world. Meanwhile, he kept quiet, thinking that it would help separate himself from Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, because despite his cattiness, he genuinely loved his position and felt pride in rising to power. The bamboo forest and the quiet pool had been his sanctuary.

He was satisfied with allowing himself to be destroyed if it meant the sect would survive. And his sect siblings just...let it happen. And so did Ning Yingying, pushing it along with her false testimony.

...Perhaps she saw the writing on the wall. Maybe she knew that Luo Binghe would seek to repay every grievance. Despite his sacrifice, Qing Jing Peak was lost, his sanctuary burnt to the ground. Because of his stupid pride, because of false testimonies and beliefs, and because his sect members hated him just as much as he despised himself.

If that was the the case, then Shen Yuan can't blame her for choosing the path to survival. She knew Luo Binghe loved her, and he taught her to care for herself. And that she did. So really, could he blame her for applying what he taught her to do? No. No, he couldn't. And he wouldn't.

She survived and is living well. As much as his heart hurts at the betrayal, he should've been a better person. Perhaps then, he could've kept the people he loved closer to him...

Shen Yuan blinked, realizing he forgot to think of it as Shen Jiu and not himself.

Ning Yingying has yet to speak to him again as of the time for his crowning ceremony, but at least he knows from a severely apologetic Luo Binghe that it's because she confessed the truth of her lie. She was present at his wedding, though they didn't speak much. He continues to extend an invitation to see her. She continues to deny it, so for now, he's leaving the door to communication quietly open.

This is getting a bit too long, so one last one for now!

Sha Hualing: Antagonistic, but actually friendly

It helps, in this case, that Shen Yuan's aware that Sha Hualing, born and raised as a demon, beats up on and teases people she likes. Of course, she can't actually beat up on him since Luo Binghe promised severe pain if she ever does. So, instead, she teases him. A lot.

At first, it was really meanspirited. She said a few things about his limbs that no reasonable person should laugh at. But Shen Yuan had joked back at her, firmly thinking he isn't Shen Jiu (and later, upon thinking he might be Shen Jiu, thinking he deserves it), so it didn't matter. She was thrown off at first, but found herself liking him for having thick skin.

After he and Liu Mingyan start having book club, Sha Hualing skulks around and teased him in more meanspirited but non-physically harmful ways, like poking him, flipping his hair over his head, or picking him up and holding him like a stuffed animal.

Although Shen Yuan can be oblivious, he starts recognizing her behavior as jealousy and eventually point-blank asks her if she's jealous of his time with Binghe. She huffs and doesn't react much, so, since he is now more aware of his own sexuality, he thinks further and askes if she's jealous of the time he spends with Liu Mingyan.

Sha Hualing sputters and huffs and calls him a fool, and Shen Yuan's expression steadily shifts from surprise to the most trollish grin she'd ever seen. She keeps insisting that wasn't the case, but Shen Yuan, having smelt blood in the water, brings out all his previous internet troll behavior to the point even she has to retreat.

Though, he does tell her later that he wouldn't tell Liu Mingyan if she doesn't want him to, which she appreciates. She eventually admits to him that she likes her, and though she was married to Luo Binghe, she wouldn't mind spending time romancing Liu Mingyan. Shen Yuan figures that since the two are in a harem (he hadn't married in yet), it isn't wrong for wives to love each other. Though, it turns out that was actually quite modern thinking, since it was expected for harem members to only dedicate themselves to their husband.

Shen Yuan: "...Eh? Since when do you follow those sorts of rules?"

Sha Hualing: *surprised Pikachu face* "Oh wow, you're right."

So, Sha Hualing askes Liu Mingyan out, and now they are dating while still being married to Luo Binghe, who, as it turns out, didn't care at all whether or not they had sex or dated each other.

When Shen Yuan receded from his friendship with Liu Mingyan upon starting to think he might actually be Shen Jiu, she's the one who motivated Liu Mingyan to try speaking with him. He told Mingyan about the dream and the truth, and they both stopped talking for less than a week before apologizing to each other. Sha Hualing calls them both foolish later on, and Shen Yuan gripes at her, who gripes right back.

Also, unbeknownst to Shen Yuan, Sha Hualing is part of the reason why Ning Yingying hasn't come back to talk to him again. Sure, Sha Hualing is a demon who betrayed her family to have power with Luo Binghe, but that's a demon's way. She teases Ning Yingying, calling her more like a demon than a human, which is an otherwise friendly jab, but, like with Shen Yuan's limbs, stabs close to home a tad too much.

So, it turns into a genuine fight, with Ning Yingying saying how she didn't like what Sha Hualing did to her own father, but Sha Hualing just says the equivalent of, "Hey pot, I'm the kettle. But at least I'm honest about it," which actually does kinda rub Sha Hualing the wrong way.

As of the crowning ceremony, Sha Hualing is friendly antagonistic toward Shen Yuan and Luo Binghe, dating Liu Mingyan, and mildly dismissive toward Ning Yingying.

---

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4: here

#static writes #amputee sy au #svsss #bingyuan #shen yuan #original luo binghe #luo bingge #au post 4 #scum villain

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the-offside-rule · 7 months

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Max Verstappen (Red Bull Racing) - Farewell pt. 2

Farewell: Part 1

Champagne Problems: Part 1, Part 2

Max sat in the simulator, letting the sound of the car take over the void within his mind. He wasn't talking much which wasn't like him. He instead just focused on the driving lines in front of him. "Max?" The voice tore his from his empty thoughts and soon enough he was back to reality. "Max? Would you mind just pulling it in please? PR are looking for you." Max shut his eyes in frustration and agreed. "Yeah, just let me finish up the lap." He replied.

Max had gotten out of the elevator and walked towards the main office. He stopped once he spotted Y/n standing outside looking equally as confused. "Y/n." He said lowly. "Max." She replied. "Do you know what this is about?" Y/n shrugged. "Haven't a clue." The door opened and there stood Helmut, looking more stern than usual, which was never a good sign. "Helmut-"

"Sit down." The young drivers swallowed the lumps in their throat and agreed, walking in promptly before following their orders. "Tea? Coffee? Anything anyone wants before we get started?" Christian asked, looking around the room. In all honesty, you could cut the tension with knife. Christian nodded. "Okay, marketing. Go ahead." Max and Y/n's attention shifted from their angry bosses to the head of Marketing now. "So, you may be wondering why you two have been called here, and why the entire PR team is here." She paused. "And Helmut and Christian, so we are just going to get down to the gritty stuff and get it out of the way."

She set her tablet down and slid it towards the two drivers. Their eyes went wide and they were both speechless. A video of Y/n leaving the storage closet with Max following her only moments later, appearing to be fixing his tie and sticking his hair back. She took the tablet back. "We were hoping to get an explanation for this."As opened and closed his mouth, trying desperately to form an answer but finding himself unable to. "An altercation. Me and Max were drunk and we argued so we headed elsewhere to settle our dispute. Anything else or can we get back to work?" Y/n lied, her arms folded across her chest. "Max? Is this right?" Max nodded quietly. "So nothing happened in that supply closet?" The two drivers shook their head. "Do you both promise?" A simple "yes" from the pair was all it took to resolve the issue before the team went about forming a statement for the public. "You will have to put out a statement regarding your rumoured affairs of course. Max, it may be a little bit more difficult with you being in a relationship but-"

"I'm single. I've been single since December." Confused glances we're shared around the room as Max looked to the ground. "You- single? You've been single?" Max nodded. "I've just been keeping it quiet. I don't really want to have people talking about that." The room grew silent, leaving Max to finally think about the breakup for the first time since it has happened.

Max stood nervously in the dimly lit hallway, his heart pounding as he prepared to have a conversation that would change everything. The echoes of laughter and music from the gala party lingered in the air, a stark contrast to the tension that now filled the space.

"Kelly, we need to talk." Max began, his voice shaking. Kelly turned to face him, her eyes narrowing with suspicion. "What's there to talk about, Max? This is supposed to be a celebration, and you're acting all weird."

Max took a deep breath, summoning the courage to speak his truth. "I can't do this anymore, Kelly. We're not right for each other, and I need to be honest with you. I've realized that I'm in love with someone else." Kelly's expression shifted from confusion to anger. "Are you kidding me, Max? After all this time? Who is it? Do I know her?"

Max hesitated, his gaze shifting to the floor. "It's Y/n." Kelly's eyes flared, and she snapped, "Y/n? Your teammate? Are you serious, Max? You're throwing away our relationship for someone you work with? This is absurd!" Max attempted to explain, but it was no use. It just sounded pathetic. "It's not about throwing anything away. It's about being honest with ourselves and each other. I can't continue living a lie." Kelly scoffed. "What? Did you sleep with her?" Max nodded, regret heavy in his eyes. "I never meant for it to happen." He whispered.

A tense silence hung in the air before Kelly exploded, "You selfish asshome! How could you do this to me?" Max tried to explain again but Jelly was beyond mad. This was the angriest he had ever seen her and they never really brought this side out in the other before. "Kelly, I just couldn't lie anymore. I had to be honest with you." She laughed at his poor excuse."Honesty? Now? After you cheated on me with your 20 year old teammate? You should be ashamed!" Kelly's voice rose, a bitter edge cutting through the air. She grabbed her purse off the sofa and stormed into their bedroom"I deserve better than this, Max."

"Well that's one less problem then." Y/n looked up in disgust. "That's a bit harsh. They broke up less than a month ago." She said. "Yes, but it's one less PR stunt we have to do." Y/n scoffed. "I can't believe you guys would even say that to him!" Max gave his teammate a small smile. "They're right though. Less work for us." Y/n shook her head. "That doesn't make it right, Max." She tapped her nails off the desk in front of her in frustration. "We'll cover the press releases, you two can head back to whatever you were doing."

"Thank you." Max mumbled once they left the office. Y/n looked up to him. "Pardon?" She asked. "Thank you. For what you said in there. Thank you for being on my side." Y/n nodded. "You're my teammate. That's what I'm meant to do." She replied as the continued walking down the hallway.

In the dimly lit elevator, Max and Y/n exchanged their usual intense glances as the silence between them grew thicker. Max broke it with a smirk. "Quite the meeting, wasn't it?" Y/n's once serious expression turned to a smile as she chuckled. "Youre about to do something very stupid." The air tingled with unspoken words until Max stepped forward. "Max." She warned. "Just once." He looked down, his gaze switching from her eyes to her lips. "No regrets?" Y/n's heart raced at his words. "None." In that moment, the tension peaked, and Max leaned in, sealing their unspoken connection with a lingering kiss. Y/n's hand scavenged the elevator wall, praying she hit the emergency stop button.

"I've wanted to do this all winter." Max murmured against her lips, his voice filled with a mixture of longing and desire. Y/n grinned against his lips. "Me too." She admitted, her voice barely a whisper as she leaned in to kiss him once more. The elevator door binged as they quickly pulled away, trying to disguise themselves panting for breath before Max quickly walked out, back to his work at the simulator. Y/n quickly pressed the closed door button, her face red. She slumped against the wall. Her eyes screwed shut as she practically clawed her eyes out with her fingers. "Fuck." She whispered over and over again. She let it happen again. She just came from a meeting promising this didn't happen and it just happened....yet again.

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cherry-flavoured-thot · 4 days

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Acacia - a hidden relationship

Sharena knows something weird is going on between you and Alfonse, but she can’t quite put her finger on it. As she stands in Anna's office, she can't help but feel the need to voice her pondering.

“Hey Commander, have you noticed how much time Alfonse and Summoner have been spending together lately?” Of course, she could just brush it off as the two of you both throwing yourselves headfirst into work. After recent events, it wouldn’t be strange for you both to be extra diligent in both defense and offense alike. But still… there’s more to it, she just knows it. Based on how Anna’s expression turns from one of contemplation to something downright impish. It’s safe to say, she also has her own suspicions.

“You know, now that you mention it, I did ask Alfonse if there was anything he needed to tell me.” Anna had asked the question as the Commander; it shouldn’t fall to just the two of you take on the problems of several realms. She had asked the question with a great deal of concern and sincerity, only to become perplexed when Alfonse seemed to be at a loss for words. “He started to panic, and I guess at the time I didn’t really think about it, because I just thought he was really stressed.” And in fairness to Anna, he was stressed, going through event after event in his life with little reprieve is in fact quite damaging to the psyche. Alfonse, scrambled through his brain to decide on a response to her. She had followed up with expressing her concerns that he and Summoner might be overworking themselves too greatly.

“And what did he say?” Sharena is leaning forward in anticipation, goading the Commander to continue on with her retelling.

“Well, he assured me that they weren’t overworking themselves and he promised if there was anything I could do to help that he’d ask. And off he went.” In fact, he almost ran out of the room. The two women place their hands on their chins, contemplating the strange behaviour. Sharena is the first to speak, with a cheeky grin.

“Do you think they’re together?” Before Anna even has a chance to share her thoughts, there’s a knock on the door, followed by the door opening. You enter holding against your chest a bundle of papers.

“Hey Anna, hey Sharena, look I just needed-“ neither can contain their looks of suspicion as you close the door behind you. “Why are you both looking at me like that?” You’re perplexed, even more so when Sharena starts to grin.

“You know Summoner you sure have been spending a lot of time with my brother.” There’s no visible reaction from you. Your brows are still furrowed as you try to understand what you’ve wandered into.

“I value his advice and counsel.” Your answer is curt, and almost disappointing from how little it gives away. But the two press on, ever determined.

“So that’s why you spend every chance you get together?” Sharena questions.

“It’s important for us to be on the same page.”

“Even late at night when you’re sneaking into his room?” Anna thinks she’s got you there, as you visibly freeze on the spot. You are quick to rectify this momentary pause by outright brushing off heir accusations.

“Somethings can’t wait until morning. While we sleep our enemies move.” The two almost want to sigh about how little you gave them to work with. You press the papers you were cradling onto the desk. “Speaking of our enemies, I wanted you both to just give me your opinion on this new training regimen. Alfonse and I have been in talks with some of the more knowledge heroes about…” you’ve dismissed anymore queries from either of them completely, jumping into the conversation about training.

For a moment neither of the two women are sure if it’s intentional to dodge any further questioning, or you really have thrown yourself so deep into your responsibilities that you haven’t even given it a second thought how improper things might appear to others.

Although… you do seem to be more focused more on objects in the room then the inquisitive stare from either of them. And that enough is to continue their suspicions further.

“Alright, thank you both for your time. I’ll let some of the Heroes know we are changing some of their training accordingly.” You’re about to take your leave when you notice Anna’s facial expression change to a smirk.

“And let me guess you’re going straight to Alfonse?”

“If there’s something you need to know you should just ask outright.”

“Come on Summoner are you Alfonse together? Can you please tell us?” Sharena whines, and now it’s your turn to grin at the pair.

“Oh yes, we spend a great deal of time together. It’s the best way to get work done.” The two exchange a look, you use it as an excuse to beeline straight to the door. By the time they object to your sudden exit, you’re practically out the door.

“Hey, wait that doesn’t answer the question!”

“Sorry guys but I really have to go, bye!” The door slams shut, and your footsteps quickly dart down the hall until they disappear. Sharena frowns, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

“There is no way they’re not together. They just don’t want to tell us!” Anna nods. That would explain so much about the sudden strange behaviour, not to mention the strange staring contests between you and Alfonse during the War Council meetings.

“Yeah, I agree. But why haven’t they told us?” The two make verbal noises of contemplation, trying to rack their brains about why you both would be keeping it a secret. Of course, there are very reasonable explanations, but Sharena can’t help but latch on to a particular train of thought the second it appears in her brain.

“Maybe Alfonse is waiting to propose first?” Both are visibly excited at the idea. Sharena, at the thought of you officially becoming part of her family and the never-ending jokes she can make to her brother about him scolding her about not befriending the Heroes as they’d need to go back to their own worlds. Anna can hear dollar signs in her mind as someone is going to need plan the wedding and arrange the venue. Who better than your dear Commander? For a reasonable fee of course!

Meanwhile, as you’re walking away from Anna’s office, you run into Alfonse along the way who was heading to see Anna and Sharena for a different matter. “Unless you’d like to be interrogated about our relationship status I wouldn’t go there right now.” He raises a brow, only to then follow it up with a defeated sigh.

“Are we really that bad at keeping secrets?”

“Anna made a comment about me sneaking into your room late at night.” His cheeks visibly flush at that. He brings a closed fist up to his mouth and lets out a cough to regain some composure.

“Perhaps I’ll speak with them at a later time.”

“Good idea.” You nod continuing in your direction further away from Anna’s office. It doesn’t help the rumours that he instead trails back beside you, his hand hovering over yours begging to be held.

You really are awful at keeping secrets. Given how you don’t even hesitate to take his hand in yours.

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