would you say paul was a good husband to linda?
This is a super interesting question that I was actually just thinking about! The short answer is yes. The long answer is a little more complicated, but it's also yes.
In a way, all you really need to say about Paul and Linda is that they were happy. And I know a lot of people feel that trying to understand a happy couple is pointless (or possibly even offensive) because all that matters is that they were happy.
But I do tend to think that even a happy relationship can still be complex and interesting -- or, rather, that a real, human relationship can still be very happy. That's why I'm personally comfortable with thinking more deeply about their relationship, and those thoughts are under the cut.
Paul and Linda's relationship made them both happy and that is absolutely something to be celebrated. I also think that, like literally every other relationship in the world, the specific way in which they related to and loved one another was a product of their own personalities and experiences. It’s not necessarily fairy tale magic that made them right for each other. Or it is fairy tale magic, and fairy tales are just a lot more real and human than you might expect.
I actually think to understand Paul and Linda it helps to look back at Paul's relationship with Jane, and how his relationship with Linda was essentially the logical follow-up.
This has been on my mind lately because I was just reading about a phenomenon where men, particularly of older generations, were shamed in childhood for wanting emotional intimacy or showing any vulnerability with their emotions (“man up,” “too old to cry”, etc.), which culminates a fear of intimacy/affection as an adult.
Because it’s generally acceptable for men to have high sexual appetites, sometimes these men will start to substitute sexual/physical intimacy for the emotional intimacy they’re deprived of, thus appearing to have a high sex drive.
(Obviously this can happen to women and young people, too, but everything I read specified that it’s most often seen in older men.)
All this together reminded me a lot of Paul and how we often perceive him pre-Linda as having a high sex drive (i.e. cheating on Jane like a goddamn dog), and also how he seemed to fear emotional intimacy and platonic affection throughout his entire life (like when he thought George of all people was going to hit him for taking his hand on his freaking deathbed).
It kind of makes sense given how massive and insane his life was (and how much grief and trauma he was still carrying from his childhood) that he would basically be a black hole of emotional need just like all the other Beatles were, and I genuinely wonder if he used sexuality as a band-aid for an enormous, unmet need for affection/intimacy/validation/etc.
Which brings us to Linda, and the fact that he was able to be completely loyal to her. Which is an amazing achievement for someone who struggles with infidelity, and I definitely don't want to take that away from him, but I also think we can look a little deeper at why he was suddenly able to be loyal.
If I'm right that his high sex drive was band-aid for unmet emotional needs, then it would tend to follow that being able to be 100% loyal would mean that black hole of emotional need was being satiated, or at least soothed, by someone willing and able to do a lot of emotional caretaking to keep him happy.
Essentially, I think his newfound loyalty was a product of Linda's willingness to be a therapist/girlfriend/appeaser/etc. pretty much 24/7. (That’s barely an exaggeration btw – they spent a lot of time together). Looking at their relationship just in a practical sense, Linda really went out of her way to be with Paul all the time, to be involved in the things he cared about (even at the detriment of things that she cared about), and to make the relationship “about” him.
(Kind of a weird side note here is that John was loyal to Yoko under similar circumstances, at least until the level of emotional dependence between them got to be too much for her and she encouraged him to develop an outside relationship with May Pang, so it's arguably yet another unexpected parallel in John and Paul's lives after they “broke up” with each other.)
I've also wondered a bit why Linda was willing/able to devote herself to Paul's needs to an unusually self-sacrificing extent, but unfortunately Linda's childhood is something I know a lot less about. Some people (especially women of older generations) are deeply reliant on the need they sense in other people to give them a feeling of value. Only by being of service, by satiating the need, can they feel like a worthwhile person themselves. So in that way they're equally dependent on their partner.
(Okay, maybe not equally, but they're still dependent).
Obviously love was the main reason Linda focused so much of her time and energy on being what Paul needed, arguably at the detriment of her own needs, but looking at it more in the context of her personality and experiences it does make me wonder about her upbringing and to what extent she was raised to believe she achieved value or lovability by being of service to others.
I think Paul's reliance on Linda to caretake his emotions for him (and Linda's potential reliance on Paul to require caretaking) could be part of why we see such extreme devotion between them, why they literally never (voluntarily) spent a single night apart in all of their marriage. It's an expression of love, yes, and also of how deeply they both relied on one another.
(It also probably indicates anxious attachment and potentially some deep rooted concerns about being cheated on, but that's speculation for another day.)
Now, all this being said, none of this changes the fact that Paul was loyal and he did adore Linda and they did spend every single moment possible with one another. I'm not bringing any of this complicated shit up to try to devalue their relationship or any of the things we love about it -- rather, I think the fact that it does come from a place of humanity and vulnerability is part of what makes it beautiful.
It's a good chance to remember that no relationship is 100% easy and simple 100% of the time, and we're all a product of our own messy internal stuff that we try to deal with and try to find other people who are also willing to deal with. And while it’s true that every relationship has a deeper story, it’s equally true that a relationship between two people with complex personalities and needs can still be extremely happy, loving, and positive for the both of them.
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what's your favorite line from californication?
"i said i never read your books but i lied, i read them all. i just didn't know how to talk about them with you. i didn't like the fathers in them." is one that just knocks me in the gut every time and that i think about so often because it touches on something very personal that's hard to articulate. on that note, "to my son, the writer. something i never said too much: i love you. my father never said it much either and i thought i would be different but i guess i'm not." -> "i love you. i didn't say it to hear it back." -> "to my dear, beautiful daughter...loving you has been the most profound, intense, painful experience of my life. in fact, it's been almost too much to bear." is a progression so meaningful to me. one thing that always stands out to me about this show is that loving and being loved is painful. is too much. is unbearable.. and is still frontrunner and the leading motivator most of the time.
some more that i love....when carrie died and hank couldn't stop drinking, said that he didn't know if he could make it back, and karen said "in the meantime, i'll just dream for the both of us, i guess."
when marcy said "they fucking love you to pieces, you dumb shit. we all do." & in the pilot when hank is mean and runs off their friend and marcy just says "go home, honey. sleep it off. tomorrow's another day." and the fact that in the original script he told her to go off on him and punish him and she wouldn't.
when mia left town and hugged hank goodbye and he said "you be good out there, psycho." i just love that line. (& "aside from the fact that you're mad as a hatter, you're a good kid.")
"now there's this feeling in my gut. she might be the one. she's completely nuts, in a way that makes me smile." hank's first letter to karen, 1994
before trial: becca saying "i don't want you to be guilty. i don't want people to look at you that way. i want them to know how great you can be." and hank replying "you shouldn't be thinking about that. that's too much for your brain."
"it's last call, pal. you should get out while the getting's good."
"what if it's already too late?"
"could be. i don't know. doesn't mean you shouldn't try."
there are so many lines in this show that are so simple and uniquely articulate that really just mean something to me.
my favorite reactions ever: "you're such a dirty old man." "no, i'm not."
&
"you'd look at the ocean and count the mermaids." "i did do that."
my favorite duchovny line delivery ever: when becca sobbed that she's just a kid and she's tired of parenting him and before she went off to see her boyfriend he said "you have fun, okay?" and his voice cracked
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okay so this is super self indulgent but preface for those who arent aware i have this whole full world for my ocs & basically its like a 50/50 chance for any given person to have psychic powers called abilities & this ability is entirely dependent on the person themself & has nothing to do with genetics. ur either born with them or u can get them if ur from a different world & are isekai'd in. the only real thing about abilities is it has to be something a person can do with their mind/state of mind & isnt just like some super power like super strength.
anyway i realized this week i feel like i know the isotopes well enough so i ended up spending a lot of time thinking of what abilities they would have and i give u all my final decisions!!!
Kafu: she has something im going to call window creation. basically the ability to call forth 'windows' which ranges from just invisible walls in the air to creating a pane that lets her (or anyone near by to see it) see into a different place, time, or both. these are in effect solid walls/windows so its theoretically possible to use them as a weapon but given how kafu is i doubt she would think that way & instead would take a more defensive route, using them as a sort of force field or to get info the group otherwise wouldn't know
Sekai: i'm calling hers shadow manipulation. she can take control of shadows in the area and turn them into a semi-physical thing & from there pretty much becomes a distance attacker or defender depending on both her mood & what's necessary. i would like to think she also keeps a little shadow as a pet & it just follows her around or sits on her shoulder. the shadows can change shape btw
Rime: pyromancy. she gets to create & control fire at will. i like to think she puts too much pressure on herself to learn it & ends up unable to do it at first because of that but the second she lets herself breathe she finally gets it & from there puts in so much practice that her style with it ends up absolutely beautiful to watch. default flame color is red bc thats her color but it changes color/temperature with her emotions. u threaten one of the others and watch how fast it ends up blue-white.
Coko: fox. by shifting her mental state she can transform into a fox & while in that form can do things like create wil o wisp/fox fire & force fields, but mostly i think she'd specialize in creating illusions. she probably actually has multiple tails in that form but after drawing the rest of her outfit i thought one was enough to get the idea across. yes this is the third time im giving a chara this ability its bc im not allergic to fun normally people cant talk in the fox form but i like her so i guess she gets a little telepathy as a treat too.
Haru: consciousness walking. that is, she can separate her consciousness from her physical body & move around almost like a ghost. she can interact with the physical world on a minimal level in this state, but more importantly it allows her to see & interact with other people's consciousnesses in a way that's very easy to mess with their perception of the world & throw off their judgment & things like that. kind of like astral projection but not really, also if she gets really skilled with it she'd be able to move both her physical & spiritual forms at once although that is very tiring
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