#she wss like why dont you ask me to study and i was like?? you always get distracted and it felt like you blamed me once?? and idk whenever

[softshouyous-archive]

💉

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Overhaul and reader from 1-A (part 2)

I FUCKING TOLD YOU ALL I WAS GOING TO OUT THIS IN HERE. TOOK LONGER THAN EXPECTED? HELL YEAH BUT IS HERE.

You played with the card in your fingers nervously as you numbly stared at it.

A loud bang on the door made you yelp and almost throw the card away.

"HEY FUCKING DUMBASS CLASS IS ABOUT TO FUCKING START GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!" Bakugou yelled from the other side as he banged furiously on your door.

"Geez Bakugou come on you sound like a police officer going to arrest (Y/N)!" Said Mina as she probably wss trying to stiffle her laughter.

"Come on bro mister Aizawa said only to call her, not to explode her door." Said Kirishima as he probably was trying his nmbest to calm the blonde down as you heard Kaminari and Sero laughter.

You stared at your door and giggled nervously before opening it, and just in time Bakugou mumbled a 'fucking finally' as he stormed his way out.

"What was that?" You asked looking at Mina who only smirked as Kirishima started to lead you to class.

"Mister Aizawa called us to bring you to him. Said he wanted to talk with you."

"Oooh! What have you done for that (Y/N)?" Asked Mina teasingly while you only rolled your eyes.

You looked at the watch and noticed it was already eleven p.m and you wondered how your tired teacher was still up...

Fucking insonia (Y/N)

But then your heart seemed to stop along with your whole blood system at remembering his voice echoing in the back of your head.

You only had one hour to contact them...

"A-ah... actually I need to... u-uh..." you twirled around, which made the baku squad look at you in wonder.

"I-I need to call my... m-my parents! They said they were worried about me sleeping on the school grounds, so c-can you please tell Aizawa-sensei if I can talk with him tommorow instead?" They looked at you before changing glances at each other, finally they smiled, showing their understatement.

You thanked them and runned to your room, locking the door as you desperately picked your phone and tiped the numbers with trembling fingers.

The phone ranged for a few seconds and you felt a knot forming in your throat when someone finally picked up, a raspy voice.

"What's your deal?"

"I-I-I... U-uh..." what was his name again?

"Are you fucking joking? Whoever is the little punk calling to make a prank I WiLL KiLL IT For MakiNg JoKes On ThE YakUsa-!" You flinched at the shout coming from your phone as you putted away from your ear's sake.

"I-I-! Sorry! Sorry! It just that s-someone gave me this phone a-and he asked for me to call it since he was the boss o-or something! O-Overhaul I-I guess? I'm sorry!"

The voice quieted down as he calmly asked for you to wait a moment.

What a sudden change of humor...

"Why, isn't this interesting?" The familiar voice spoked through the call, which made you shiver at hearing the stranger vouce again and so close to your ear.

"You let for calling me on the last minute." He paused, emiting a sound that reminded you of a scoff "Not very much pontual, right? We will need to correct that..."

"I-I didn't even say what is my decision." You spoke while rubbing your sweaty palms on your bed.

"Is that so? You have literally 15 minutes to tell me dear student." The voice spoked in false amusement.

Your silence was a signal for him to start making what he did best.

Manipulating.

"Aren't you tired of this? Being classified by numbers and strenght of your quirks between, dare I say, colleagues? And imagine if you do end up as a hero. Everyone who you study with will challenge and compete against each other to surpass the tittle of being number one or to at least have a good ranking..."

You thought for a moment... he wasn't lying, how many times did you caught Bakugou fighting with Midoriya about being better than him?

"Judging by your silence I was correct." He sounded even pleased at his accomplishment.

"You're quite the smug type aren't you Overhaul?" You said, sounding a bit more irritated then pretended.

"And you are quite the interrogator one in here..." he said in mockness.

"Seriously, there's so many people you can try to recruit, why a student of a hero course even caught your attention? Aren't you a villain?"

"Are you deaf by any chance? Or just has a serious problem on your earring?" He sighed, clearly already not with just as much pacience he had before "I saw this ridiculous sport festival in your sick school, and saw the potential you carry. Why put yourself under trash when you can be under someone who is looking for a cure for this sick world filled with the hero syndrome? Let me be your leader and tutor, and I can show you how explendid and valuable you can be for the yakusa."

Silence between you two was implanted, although you could feel the beating of your heart pouding in your ears.

"And if I say n-no?"

"Ever heard of what the yakusa is capable of? We have our own methods to get what we desire... And I'm sure you wouldn't want any of your close friends or even family to get hurt now would you?"

You froze, how can this man be so cruel..?

"Not to sound too annoying and rude now, but you have only one minute to tell me your answer U.A student... your time is ticking."

"W-What?!"

"Ah. Actually, you have now ten seconds before I send my subordinates to take care of your loved ones. Ten."

"N-No wait! Please!"

"Nine."

"Please don't do this!"

"Eight. Seven."

"You can't be serious please! They don't have anything with this!"

"Six. Five. Four..."

"Overhaul!"

"Three. Two..."

"OK I WILL JOIN YOU JUST OLEASE DONT DO THIS!" you cried, gripping tightly on your cellphone as your tears fell on the sheets of your bed.

"Wonderful. Tommorow some papers will be delivered at your dorm. You will get out of U.A and follow a man called Chronostasis. He will lead you to where you will be living now."

You hummed, still trying to contain your sobs

Why you of all people..?

"Pleasure doing bussines with you (Y/N). I look forward to see you tomorrow pn the evening." He said coldly before finishing the call.

You layed on your stomach, crying your eyes out in your pillow, dreading the way your life would drastically change after tommorow.

~

"WHAT?! WHY?!" The deku squad yelled, except Todoroki who only carried a woried look, after you delivered the news of you changing suddenly the school.

"M-My parents asked me to do it.. Not enough money in my house so I will have to helo them..."

Ochaco seemed even more hurt at these words, as she bringed you to a crushing hug, accidentally using her quirk on you and making you float a little.

"(Y/N)-chan! Please let us talk with them!" Said Midoriya, bot even a bit shy but instead with confidence and determination on his eyes "I'm sure if we talk to them they will see how this is inportant for you!" Tsuyu nodded with a 'kero'at the green haired boy words.

"Yes, I'm sure they would understand. You worked hard to be on the hero course of U.A after all!" Iida said moving his hands dramatically.

"They don't have the right to order something like that." Said sternly Todoroki placing a hand on your shoulder bringing you down to the ground as Uraraka apologized.

"Guys... Thanks for this, but trust me, its for the be-"

"(Y/N)." Called a man with white hair and white hoddie aproaching.

"Chronostasis. Let's go." He whispered close to you, making you shiver in fear.

"(Y/N)-chan? Who is that?" Midoriya approached, placing a protective hand on your shoulder as he stared up at the unknown man.

Chrono merely glared down at the green boy as he lied.

"Not that it is your bussines anyway. But I'm their sibbling. Now, dont you all have classes to go or something?"

"(Y/N) is that true?" Asked Uraraka worriedly as Iida mention to her as if making the same question.

"You never told us you had a older brother." Todoroki murmured.

"Personal life out of the school, congrats for only noticing that now. Now let's go." Said clearly irritated Chrono as you sighed sadly and sayed your good byes to them.

Midoya continue to stare thhe pare until they left the school grounds and left the gates with a sick feeling on his stomach.

Something wasn't right...

~

You got out of the car and nervously followed the man through the house.

"Made a good job on not giving them much information. Overhaul will appreciate that." The man said oppening one door for you to enter.

You took a couple of steps and your heart seemed to have vrashed in a billions pisses as your soul threatened to leave your body in fear as you saw the man which you were fearing ever since the moment you locked gazes with him.

"Glad to see you again... my protege." Said coldly Overhaul, sitting in his couch, motioning for you to sit in front of him and a table where it was leaved a white plague mask.

"Welcome to the Shie Hassaikai."

It took me three days... FINALLY HERE.

[palace-of-freedom]

I wss filling out a friend's questionnaire earlier today and it asked "by your definition of abuse, have you been in an abusive relationship as an adult." To that I answered "No", not realizing that my definition of abuse was flawed. I read the questionnaire and the character described in it was being abused. The boyfriend never hit her, but he did call her worthless multiple times. He was suspicious and did not trust her, however much she reassured him that she didn't cheat on him. He demanded her phone and remained relentless until she handed it over to him.

Now, I haven't exactly been through this. But I can imagine where this situation will end. The next time, the boyfriend will be more aggressive, realizing he can get away with it. In future, he may even hit her. He will have gotten inside her head and manipulated her into believing that she was worthless. That this guy was the best she'd ever get. That she wasn't worth loving. That no one would ever accept her. That she would never be good enough. She would become trapped and be unable to ever leave the person she claims loves her. In truth, he doesn't love her. Not in the traditional sense. He fears being left alone. He believes that she is his in every way possible and that she should know it - she has no hope of ever leaving him, not without a lot of emotional blackmail.

I haven't been through this exactly, but I did realize today that I was in an abusive relationship as a teenager. And I never came to terms with it or accepted it. My ex boyfriend too had called me worthless and useless countless times. He called me selfish, arrogant and helpless too. And I could never think of that as being verbally abused. I used to justify his words and fit into his label, because the more I fought the label, the more he fought me. The bigger the issue would blow up. And I've never been the type of person who argues or fights. Four years ago, I was even worse than I am today. Today, fighting with someone causes a full blown panic attack. If a friend doesn't speak to me for a few days, I begin to think of every way I've screwed up. I self-blame a bit too much. I internalise problems. I panic and I freeze.

I was abused by mother as a child too. Being a child of an Indian family, its weird if you dont get slapped a few hundred times for whatever reason. So I figured it was part of my culture and that its normal - everyone goes through it. I played it off the way I did with my relationship, nd treated it as though it was all normal. Slowly I've been breaking out of that pattern. I don't let people control me anymore. I stand up for myself more. I'm drawing boundaries that should have been there years ago. And I'm proud of myself for this small growth. I see where things are going wrong and I'm trying to correct them now. I'm about 7 years too late, but still - better late than never. The reason for this growth: learning psychology.

The last 3 years of studying have taught me that you should not hit your child. Its not okay. It taught me that your attachment style with your significant other will reflect the attachment style you had with your mother. It forms a basis on which your every relationship is defined, described and explained.

Personally, I have an anxious attachment style. Over the past year, I've been trying to change it to a more secure attachment style, but I think I'm now avoidantly attached. Im not a 100 % sure, but its a feeling I've been having recently. When the going gets tough, I avoid looking at my phone. I avoid people. I crawl into a shell and isolate myself, until someone pulls me out. But this wasn't the point I was trying to get at.

I wanted to say that "its okay." That these may have been my life experiences over the past 21 years. But they're not going to define the rest of my life. Based on the patterns described by psychological theory - I am destined for more abusive relationships, until I break the pattern. Until I rewire my brain. Until I figure out my defense mechanisms and start using healthier coping styles.

The first thing I did today when I came to this realization waa criticize myself. The first thing I asked myself was "how stupid are you to miss this guy even after four years since your break up. He treated you like crap and called it love. He said no one else would ever love you and you believed it. You've jinxed yourself to end up alone. You've become so scared of love because all you've seen is how badly it hurts. How do you know its your destiny to stay like this?" Whats wrong with you, you idiot? How could you be so stupid? You've just wasted four years of your life in this. Why can't you move on?"

This was a mistake. If a friend told me this story, I would treat them with compassion and understanding. Why cant I do the same for myself? I deserve the same love, the same understanding and the same compassion as does anyone else. I want to start being kinder to myself. I want to let myself feel. I want to accept that I went through this. I want to realize that I went through this and I got myself out. I'm the only person I need to save myself. And I need to get myself to know and remember that. I'm okay and I will be okay. And soon I can really be happy without it being by surpressing my feelings and emotions, or distracting myself. I look forward to that day when I can say I'm truly happy, and mean it.