#and she did and all she fucking asked me for was about dmv stuff and getting an official state id

[gingerjolover]

Pet Names - PB

thank you guys for being so patient! i didn't forget about my girl don't worry!!!

i am once again using soft!gf as inspo i literally cannot stop

i'm also making babe/baby/honey standard from here on out, that being said, i WILL be going back and updating Julien and Lucy's accordingly

rpf smut under da cut - minors gtfo

Darling/Sweetheart - soft!phoebe lives for traditional pet names. there is something in the domesticity of it all that she loves and chases after. these names give soft!pheebs, morning!pheebs, bedtime!pheebs and i will gladly accept discussion but nothing can change my mind. there isnt anything sexual about them in my mind with phoebe, simply because she is using them first thing in the morning, like she left the window open accidentally last night so you, maxine and phoebe are huddled together, your cold foot rubs her leg and she's like "shit sweetheart, are you cold?" in like the raspiest, softest murmur ever. also half asleep, eyes shut, just places repetitive pecks on your temple before whispering, "goodnight darling" and holding you close.

Pretty/Pretty girl - phoebe greets you with the "hi pretty!" often. she's running off after her first eras show and straight into you arms being like, "hi pretty! how did i do?" beaming and kissing you firmly on the lips. maybe she's at the studio with lucy and julien or her band and she's writing, utterly exhausted and you walk in with a pick me up and she's instantly lighting up, "hey pretty girl, im so happy to see you!" before kissing your hair.

okay hear me out im workshopping this but... phoebe with a strap, you're on all fours but she's making YOU move back against her and she's being so stubborn because she could push you down and fuck you but noooo, "if you want it pretty you have to work for it," and eventually you'll be whining so much that dom!phoebe is like scoffing and pulling your hips, finally starting to thrust into you, "alright okay, fine, i'll fuck you pretty girl, no need to whine."

Dove - @whore4munagenius and i both had this on our list (twins). they had mentioned animal pet names like ladybug, dove, puppy, all of which i think phoebe would fw. i had it on my list because of the bird and dog metaphors and just bird symbolism in relationships like doves, lovebird, and swans. i think she loves the animal nicknames and uses them when it's just the two of you and she can be a little softer and more connected with you. it's not that she's embarassed by the names but it's not like she's gonna call you puppy or bunny at the dmv, ya know? I think she writes dove more than she says it, like she's putting 'to: dove, love: pheebs' on your birthday or holiday gifts.

My girl - the classic, very boyfriend!phoebe. always saying stuff like "there's my girl!" or "look at my girls," when talking about you and maxine. has a "this is her" photo of you on her phone, "this is my girl," and she would be SO proud of it too. if she's not referencing you as her partner, she's saying "my girl", and it flows into her friendships like the possessiveness of the name makes its way into her music like maybe the boys are performing and julien is introducing a song and is like "your girl loves this one," and phoebe is like "yeah she does," IDK I THINK ITS CUTE

she 1000% uses 'my girl' in a mocking way, mean!phoebe doesn't mess around and she's telling you to grind on her thigh but you're so desperate you can't get a rhythm going and she's just sighing being like, "c'mon...i know my girl can do better than that," before her hands grip your hips harshly and start to rock you

BONUS - Bro/Dude/Man - Pheebs canonically calls everyone any of these names but remember soft!gf is the boss and there's a difference between being at a dinner or something and phoebe is showing everyone a video, "bro look at this," where soft!gf is in the group. but if y'all are at home and phoebe is getting maxine ready for a walk and asks "can you hand me her leash, dude?" soft!gf just gives her a look like 'who do you think you're talking to rn?' and phoebe is up immediately, "sorry pretty girl," kissing her lips passionately

[24hoursofsarcasm]

White female cops are worse than the male white cops sometimes. I was pulled over for a minor traffic violation something simple as I didn’t put my new registration sticker on my license plate, but I had my new registration and sticker in the car. I explained to her because of the temperature the sticker wasn’t going to stick (lady at dmv said if the temperature outside wasn’t at least 33 degrees it wouldn’t stick) I never raised my voice and showed her everything that she needed to see registration, insurance, license. She ran my name cause why not I’m black I must have warrants 😁came back with nothing and me being the sarcastic savant I am say to her “now that was a waste of time wasn’t it” 🤫 should have just kept my mouth shut 🤐 right after I said that she says something to the effect of “so, you think this is funny?” and I said yes and she said “oh really” and I said “yeah really” then she asks me “do you mind if I search your car?” and I politely declined 😌. Then she hits me with the typical response “if you don’t have anything in the car then you don’t have anything to worry about”🥱 I politely decline again and ask “am I free to go?” She comes back with “your being detained until another unit gets here”😑. New officer arrives I’m still sitting in my car he approaches her 👮🏻 and I hear her say I was acting “weird” he walks up to my car and the same old script “how you doing tonight sir?” And I’m like “good” then out of nowhere he’s like “I know you don’t I ?” I look at his face and I’m like “Doug?” And he said “yeah!” Turns out me and this officer went to high school together, we weren’t close friends but we were cool hung out a few times he used to hang out with one of my buddies. So we chit chatting talking about classmates and catching up, so I’m like this is cool and shit catching up, but what’s up man can I go, and what’s up with her why she acting like that she didn’t even have to call for another officer, this dude tells me that she is racist and she thinks she’s the best female officer 👮🏻 on the street and that even if it’s minor stuff she’s running names and doing vehicle tosses. He also told me that some people don’t know they can decline a car search and she knows that, but when you do, like you did she’ll call for another unit to back her up so she can do a car search. He also said he hates backing her up cause he knows 7 times out of 10 that it’s something like this and her excuse every time is someone was acting “weird” and that’s code for I didn’t get my way to search their car and arrest another black person. He also told me that there’s a group of white female officers 👮🏻 👮🏻👮🏻👮🏻👮🏻that like only to go to black neighborhoods and fuck with them when they get certain calls just a reason to be more aggressive🤯😳 and I’m like woooow, but not at all surprised. So he sends me on my way and I can see her face when I pass, that bitch was mad mad 😡 and I was 🤣. So y’all be careful with these white female cops or cops in general not every story is going to end like mine.

[unknwnxquantity]

I love when the Hispanic ladies at my one job be like “Buenos Dias chica!” Like yes!! I am a chica!! Or a “hi mami/mama”. And I’ll be like Buenos diassss como Estas and they’re like bien y tu and I’m like bien gracias! I used to only say “good morning” but I told them I wanna learn Spanish! I’m trying more now than I did before. But I don’t wanna look silly so sometimes I’ll revert to “good morning” but I try to make the effort to say something in Spanish. I want to be connected more to my roots goddamn it! They’re so cute tho. They’re very clique-ish (there’s some that are grumpy and mean so I don’t say anything to them. I’ve tried!! They’re just standoffish), and they all love to eat together whenever they can, they hug and kiss each other on the cheek sometimes when they greet each other. They hold the other persons arm or have them close to them almost lovingly sometimes too when they’re greeting. It’s cute to witness. There’s this one Hispanic woman at the one job in particular who I’d used google translate with to talk to since we worked in the same area together, as she’s learning English and I’m trying to learn how to say Spanish phrases and understand. She really appreciated that I’d talk with her and try to include her in conversations. We all do, but the other yt ppl just only speak English at her, try to show they’re joking to include her, while I tried more to get to know her and ask questions about her life. She felt safe with me. She came from Educador? Honduras? Fuck I’m sorry😭 six months back. Her dad passed when they got to the US. So she’s been on her own. I remember her first day, we didn’t know where to put her, and one of the Hispanic lady’s was being a jerk (the jerk in question actually looks like my grandma in the face a little, it’s weird… she was standoffish with me too but now she’s warmed up to me) and translating to her we didn’t want her with us on the truck. She started crying :(( we all felt bad. The other coordinator who’s older than me started crying too bc she felt bad for making Maria feel bad. But she knows now we love her in the back and she’s amazing to work with. She would tell me every now and then when we’d have our google translate convos, that I have a beautiful heart and soul. I’d tell her I think the same of her and I’m glad I met her. Now she works later shifts bc of her other jobs she had to pick up, so I haven’t seen her in a couple weeks :(( miss her. At first most of the Hispanic ladies were cold toward me when I first started working. A lot of people were cold actually and most are middle aged it’s kinda weird. I guess it’s just the times we live in now. But also they were probably like “what is that thing, what do we call it😭😭 she’s a girl, but she’s strong like a guy” since I work in the back and carry stuff. I carry myself more masculine. People never know if I’m a guy or a girl sometimes, it’s pretty funny. Adds to the mystery. I’m androgynous looking and I like it that way, but at the end of the day, I am just a little girl in this big scary world.

I get called bro boss man sir brother… you name it I’ve been called it. Especially when I worked in the city. At times I just sigh and walk away, or say nothing. It messed with my mental health for a while. Even tho I wanted to be a guy when I was younger, and now that I am comfortable being a girl, but bc I look like this masculine woman, I’ll always get confused ppl here and there. I hate going into public bathrooms especially when I’m alone. But then I just walk a little more feminine 🤣 Especially when I have a mask on. I’ll just take it off. Omg a few weeks ago a Hispanic security guard man unironically called me papi at the dmv (I didn’t have a mask on). That was a canon event for me😭😭 I was like …. So I look like a papi huh 👁️🫦👁️

[softshouyous-archive]

💉

[i-like-turkey]

Question: Do you think Kate Whistler is a Vincent Price fan???

Going through the various movies I own and trying to imagine a young Kate Whistler is more difficult than I thought... I can't picture her ever being a Rom-Com fan. But I don't know what other kind of movies she might like? I'm thinking of a discussion between Lucy and Kate trying to get to know each other over basic topics maybe over coffee...

Short answer: Sure. I can see Kate liking Vincent Price. And maybe some sci-fi stuff.

Long answer: When I headcanon stuff like this I work from the premise that one’s childhood environment heavily impacts their pop culture tastes. So that means we need to define Kate’s background and let that lead us to her movie/book/music tastes. In my mind she grew up in a suburb of DC. Her parents were both part of the defense/security/military/law enforcement industry that is sprawled throughout the DMV. They were very strict with her and Noah; restricting what they could watch on tv and the listen to on the radio. They both worked long hours, so they forced the kids into a thousand extracurriculars ‘for their benefit’, but really because they needed someone to watch them after school and on weekends. Consequently, they didn’t have too much tv time growing up. I don’t think she had many close friends because she was always too busy doing stuff to hang out.

The other important factor for Kate growing up was recognition of her queerness and her parent’s homophobia. I think she understood from an early age that she was gay and that her parents would hate her for it. There are kinda three big options for kids when they get faced with this situation: (1) Rebel—whether by coming out and facing the consequences or staying closeted but doing things your parents would hate (drinking, drugs, fighting, sex, etc); (2) Conform—suppress your gayness and try to be straight; or (3) Endure—Don’t do anything that could rouse suspicion; bide your time until you can get out of the house and safely exist. (This is a very high-level view; one that’s not meant to cover all the nuances of the situation, so don’t come into the comments to start discourse, because this is just a quick and dirty mental framework for developing a character’s backstory).

I see Kate as taking the ‘Endure’ approach. Parents want her to do a billion activities? Fine. She’ll do them and commit 100% even if she hates them. Parents say no MTV or R rated movies? Fine. She’ll watch Discovery Channel, TCM, Food Network, and Fox News (Sorry!). Parents want straight A’s? Fine. She’ll graduate at the top of her class. Because in her mind the tiniest little fuck up could lead them to discover that she is gay and she’s not prepared the handle the fallout.

So she did everything that was asked of her, got into a good school, and once she was hundreds of miles away she could finally relax a little. Of course a lifetime of suppressing her identity and always striving to be the best and do a billion things was hard to turn off, so a lot of it continued at college. I see her as pursing a more business oriented future. Maybe thinking about McKinsey after graduation (Sorry!) instead of following in her parents footsteps like they wanted her to. Noah’s death absolutely devastated her. I think she had maybe 6 months to a year where she didn’t give a fuck about anything, drank a lot, and just lost herself in her grief. When she got a handle on it, she decided to go the defense/security/military/law enforcement route.

So what does this mean for Kate’s pop culture interests? She likes old movies and science/cooking shows. The science interest makes me think she'd enjoy sci-fi movies. She's probably into Jaws. She rarely went to the movies as a kid/teenager because she had no time and her parents weren’t around to take her. So she’s mostly ignorant about 90s-2010s era movies/tv. She’s maybe a little more knowledgeable about stuff that came out once she was in college and in her adult years, but only because the proliferation of screens during that time made it easier for her to end up in a space where people were watching something. But I don’t see her as someone who subscribes to every single streaming service and eagerly awaits new offerings. If she sees something these days it's because someone in her life shares it with her.

I think she reads A LOT. Books were probably her only connection to her queerness in her early days. Her parents never rifled through her reading material, so that was safe. Unlike her computer where they constantly monitored her browsing history.

Her taste in music probably sucks.

[kazoo5480]

Series: Part 2 of Breaking Down For Smee @anothersworld​

A companion one shot of Breaking Down- from Augusts POV

August dropped that son of a bitch off at Boston PD and headed to Emma’s. He parks his car in her empty spot, taking the elevator up to her floor. He jingles his keys, a smile on his face, and wonders what kind of shambles Emma left the place in.

He opens the door surprised. For once, it’s tidy, and he nods in approval. Emma was the sloppiest person he had ever known, eating out of the dishwasher, as dirty plates stacked up in the sink. He missed her, and he knew that this time felt different, she did.

He dropped his bag in her room and hopped in the expansive shower. He slips on his pajama bottoms and heads towards the kitchen. Tapping his lips, “Now where do you have the snacks Duckling” he asks as he rifled through her cabinets.

Bingo. Chips Ahoy, Doritos, Swedish fish, Kit Kats, gummies. All the good snacks. He even eyes her beloved Belgian hot cocoa mix, doubting she has milk.

He opens her fridge and pulls back assaulted by the stench. “What the fuck is that smell,” he says looking at containers, Chinese food, pizza, “ugh” he shakes his head and promptly empties her fridge.

“You are a swine” he grumbles as he empties her fridge of perishables, and things he isn’t even going to open. He tosses it all, condiments, anything not in a bottle with a lid on it.

He knew she wasn’t coming back unless it was to get her stuff, he could tell.

Something had shifted in her, something he had never seen, and to spare her neighbors from thinking there was a rotting corpse in this apartment, he promptly threw the bag of garbage down the shoot in the hallway away from the apartment.

He ordered their favorite Indian food, sprawls on the couch with Netflix on, pulls up her shows, and tucks into the cookies. He smiles and sends a selfie of him to Emma, eating her cookies on her couch.

“3, 2,1” his phone buzzes to life, he smiles.

“I knew you would call. I ate them all and they were delicious. You always have the good snacks.”

Emma pouted, “You’re an ass, stop eating my snacks!”

He laughs at her, “Why? You aren’t here, they need to be eaten, I threw half your groceries out, disgusting Swan.”

Emma is quiet for a moment, “You’re on speakerphone Aug, and I am not alone.”

August grins, oh this would be interesting, she had never let anyone meet him- let alone speak to him.

“Oh. Hello mystery man, I am August, Emma’s much better half of our platonic friendship and semi-family.” August heard a deep laugh and an accent, Irish he would guess if he had to bet.  

“He is funny,” the man said.

August smiled at that, and then Emma interjected.

“Don’t encourage his ego, Jones” Emma barked.

August grabbed his laptop and opened his programs waiting for them to say something he could use to search.

“Hi August, Killian Jones, single, male, Caucasian, about 178, Irish, smoldering good looks, and besotted with the keeper of your snacks.”

August laughed at that, he was funny, Emma needed funny. He typed in all that information, and certainly there he was, Killian Jones. Augusts’ eyes widened when he clicked his Maine driver’s license, he had to hold back a Jesus Chris because this guy was a god.

“I see why you are thinking Em,” he said to Emma through the speakerphone. “Anyways, I dropped that asshat off at BPD, put the cash in your account, and I plan to head out tomorrow. What do you want me to drop off or send?” he asked his sister.

“Everything” Killian shouted, and he heard the telltale slap of Emma hitting Jones, and a grumble from the man.

“I don’t know, can I call you tonight?” Emma said quietly, and he could tell she was having a moment, she was going to run or was considering it.

“Of course, I will have found your secret stash of candy by then,” August said in reply.

“Don’t go through my drawers!” Emma shouted, almost like a plea.

“See, you make it too easy!” August laughed and shook his head. She hung up the phone. “Now let’s see who you are Killian Jones,” August said flipping through the reports.

His driver’s license, bank account, a deceased brother, August saw his Auto Repair shop linked and that account which held a quite sizeable sum as he flipped through it, he didn’t need money from Emma- that was a good thing.

His business seemed fairly profitable for such a small town, population just over 1400, so he was alright on that end.

He noticed that Killian Jones owned the business and building alone, no outstanding mortgage or bills, or addresses, he would guess he probably lived above his shop.

His two credit cards all at a low balance, one personal, one for his business. The credit score was not perfect but pretty good. August saw no aliases, or red flags, certainly nothing he would warn Emma about. This guy seemed normal, maybe completely perfect for Emma.

August sat there perusing all the files, he looked into his brother’s death- was in the Navy, an accident a few years back. Curious, he went back through Killian’s bank accounts and noticed a hefty payment deposited a few months after the brothers’ death from the US Government.

August trailed that and connected that Killian used the settlement payoff to buy his business outright and stashed the rest in his savings. Jones wasn’t a frivolous spender, his receipts and business expense all parts and supplies. Nothing was giving him any red flags.

He went to social media and saw an Instagram account, but it looked like it hadn’t been used in some time. He scanned the pictures, mostly were tagged from a RedRidingHood.

August would also bet that the brunette in most of the photos linked to that account would be her, but he saw mostly just group photos, and she had tagged Jones, who was indeed a handsome man.

He looked through the DMV, he smirked when he saw that jones had a motorcycle and a car registered.

“Emma does love a man on a motorcycle” he laughed and decided that was enough digging for now.

@anothersworld​

[jennsmischievousmind]

Fucks not Found

A Matter of Seconds

Ch1 Ghosts | Ch2 Florence | Ch3 A Matter of Seconds | Ch4 I need a Backdoor | Ch5 Die Hard | Ch6 White Flag | Ch7 Haunt the Living | Ch8 One, but not done [end]

The second phase started a few days later, One went to recruit a new guy, a former Deltas force.

After meeting at The Haunted House, giving the new guy a tour, you all went to the closest Diner for a late lunch. One introduced the new guy as Seven.

“How come you’re not Seven by the way?” Five asked you, then look at One, who did not acknowledge her question.

“Because she's an eight.” Four shrugged

You scoffed. "Who gave you the right to rate me, skater boy?"

“See, the sarcasm removes 2 points.” He tilted his beer to you. Neither of you mentioned the night at the pool since then but there were lingering glances heavy with meanings.

‘Careful, she's a feminist.” One said feigning to be afraid, focusing on some device in his hands.

“Don't forget, the Feminist can access your bank accounts in a second.”

He points at you with a smirk, acknowledging your point. They resumed the welcoming talk for Seven.

“When you’re dead, you get to stop all the bullsh*t. No more DMV lines, no more shopping Christmas.” Three pulled a face reminiscing his past life.

“Or backstabbing girlfriends. No more getting arrested by the pigs just for being naked or just usual stuff. You know, being naked, getting drunk. Casual stuff.” Four added.

You shook your head, a smirk forming on your face. Four’s old life looked interesting.

Seating at his right on the booth next to his, you glanced at him when they all focused on One’s magnetic little show. He caught you starring so wriggle his eyebrows to you, focusing back on the table ahead you hide a growing smile by taking a sip on your coffee. The guilt had diminished, in the grieving process you had passed from the denial and isolation to a quick depression then acceptance but it was taking time.

One explained the mission, a Coup d’état, replacing the evil shithead Dictator of Turgistan Rovach Alamov, with the Democracy-loving brother, Murat Alamov. Four poked your arm.

“You’re a ten by the way” he whispered.

“Shut up!” you punched his shoulder laughing, his presence and to be honest being in this weird squad was helping, you didn’t trust yourself to go through this alone. They didn’t pity you, per contra, they were pushing you forward, they were caring, each one of them in their own way.

Back at the base, you were showing Four a suite of connectors he would have to do during the mission, but he was clearly not paying attention. The old TV was playing this fucking Beaver show, and there was no way to turn it off, One had rigged the thing!

Four was poking your sides, enjoying his time alone with you. Footsteps approached the trailer, you swat Four’s hand, he smiled letting his tongue lick his under lip. Seven entered the trailer, eyeing the two of you suspiciously. After giving a new passport to Seven, this latter became nosy.

“Hey, what do you know about One?” he looked at his new passport

“We usually don’t ask about One” you responded annoyed at his presence, it’s not that Seven was a bad guy, but he kept asking stuff he shouldn’t so it was annoying.

“He loves Wally the dog," you sighed as Four began to talk pointed at the English mastiff drooling on the floor, "He’s obsessed with this Beaver show. I think he’s an orphan actually. We got a little bet on if you want to put some money in.” You hit his arm, he widened his eyes wondering.

"sciocco" you rolled yours in disbelief. Four always did that, shared too many details and talk so fast you would have to muffle him to make him stop.

“It’s an interesting crew you got here. How many missions’ you guys run?

“Counting Florence?” Four put the passports back in the drawer, brushing your arm on the way

“Yeah.”

“One.” You answered in unison

“One what?”

“Well, actually, no, there was, um, this like mini-mission, so maybe one and a quarter. It was in Sicily. But Florence.., absolute shitshow. I mean, if I wasn’t there, probably more than one of us …dead." Four realized as he said it, he looked at you with an apologetic look. You just look at your laptop trying not to react.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Seven started to agitate.

“I don’t fuck around.” Four said offended. He glanced at you still feeling shitty and fearing your reaction.

“You realize I just buried myself in front of my family and friends, right?”

“Yeah, One told me about that," Four said genuinely interested while you started closing your tabs, "Big military funeral. Guns popping, flags. It’s pretty cool. I mean in my funeral, there were five people there, and two of them left before the end. It is tough watching your mum cry at your grave though.”

“At least you had proper funerals, Seven.” You said coldly, unplugging the battery cable a bit too angrily.

“Yeah.” Seven sighed, "How was it for you Eight?” Seven turned to you.

“It doesn’t matter!” Closing your laptop, you stride over Four’s legs, petting Wally on your way out.

“Wait, fuck, sorry .. Eight I got carried away ..” Four started to get up but Wally did first blocking his way. Good boy.

Waving him off “Yeah, as always.” Your throat dry as that fucking desert, acceptance was not easy.

“What’s her story?” Seven nodded your way

“The cold guy from Florence, .. her twin brother.“

Seven furrowed his brows, watching you mount your fat tire cruiser bike.

Later at night, you were at the dry pool as always.

“You didn’t answer.” His voice cracked through the perfect silence of the desert. The Moon spreading her pale light on him on the other side of the pool.

“About what?”

“Why Eight? You should have been Seven..”

... you took a deep breath, few seconds passed.

“I was born 8 seconds before my brother.”

You heard a whispered “fuck” coming his way.

“I argued with One to get this number. Thinking about it, childish move, but today …, it means more.” You played with the cross around your neck. “My mother gave it to him you know, the cross," you scoffed, "I was incredibly jealous until I learned that she gave him because he needed it the most. You knew him as a joyful teen playing around being sassy, but he’d always needed an anchor and mamma thought God could be his.” Lifting the necklace to the sky, the moonlight started reflecting on the silver cross.

“Mamma knew I wasn’t one to believe, yet I prayed for him. Perdonami mamma” You mumbled to yourself.

“About earlier, I’m sorry…” Four began...

“Enough talking about me!" You cleared your throat, "Naked and drunk huh? Wanna tell me more about that?” you reminisce the talk at the diner.

He laughed getting up from the edge “What, it never happened to you? Never got shit drunk and ran butt naked in the streets?” He straddled your lounge chair near your feet.

“Oddly, I wanted to stay off police radar.” you straightened a bit, he chuckled.

Lifting an eyebrow, he taunted “Drunk on a beach, skinny dipping, never?”

“As funny as it sounds now, I didn’t want to die, especially drowning. How’d you come so far in life?”

“Skills!” you pushed his leg with your foot scoffing at his answer. He rested one hand on your calves, you fall silent enjoying each other’s presence.

“I miss him.” He dipped his head as he said it. They had really become friends in an instant, you remember the first time you arrived at the Haunted House. It’s like they were lost brothers, Four said something about music and they bonded immediately.

Straightening you nudge his leg gently this time, scooting closer, your left leg bend over his lap, he looked over, and you just opened your arms, smiling softly. His hands were so warm around your waist, carefully resting your head on his shoulder, your own arms hugging his broad shoulders. He suddenly tightened his embrace, a sharp inhale escaping your mouth at the sudden action, one of his hand slowly going up your spine setting in your neck. You caught yourself closing your eyes letting your fingers brushed his buzzed haircut, he shivered.

“If I kiss you, you’re not gonna run, are you?” you didn't answer, but your eyes bounced between his lips and his green eyes.

“Please don’t run.” He whispered, his lips faintly brushed yours before you rushed into the kiss as if to catch up the moment you’d lost last time.

"Okay, definitely not running away," he chuckled kissing you again standing up, you still in his arms, he made his way to the bad replica of a Mexican Abode where he had made himself at home.

His kisses trailed down your collarbone, your hands ran down his bare chest, up his toned arms and firm clad buttocks, his mimicking yours on your soft body. Soon his hand was where you wanted it most, biting his neck in response he groaned tilting his head for more.

The pale light of the moon shining on your body through the broken shutters, the cold night of the desert contrasting with the heat emanating from you both.

His warmth in yours, you were writhing under him, he made you reach some highs, eyes never leaving each other’s features, your bare body clad with sweat holding onto each other for dear life until coming undone, all the rage and stress from the missions gone for a moment.

“We could get kicked out …” you were still a bit out of breath, outrageously and gloriously nude.

“What One doesn’t know … can’t hurt us” he mumbled against your shoulder, you half laughed. His fingers trailed up and down your bare spine, “I thought the all deal with being dead was freedom?”

“Feel free then” you smiled smugly, no sooner had he smiled back he disappeared under the sheet, you laughed, pulling the sheet  away to watch him...

Fourth Chapter - I need a backdoor 

A/N: don’t forget to double tap if you liked it. 🙏

[popculturebuffet]

The Legend of the Three Caballeros: Mt. Fuji Whiz and Thanks a Camelot Reviews: Thank God, No Daisy (Comissioned by WeirdKev27)

Saludos amgios and welcome to the final sprint of THE RIDE OF THE THREE CABLLEROS. If your wondering if this is a bit soon.. that’s because it is. While I planned to do the episodes as is before.. this bottom half of the series so far has been so good I couldn’t bare waiting days to get to the next episode just as things are getting really good, especially after the last episode’s cliffhanger. So today, I intend to FINISH the series, with an epilogue next week for my look at the cabs as a whole via a top 12 moments list. Plus i’m already excited for the next retrospective, so there’s that. And yeah Kev’s funding ANOTHER one and you can too.. serioulsy just shoot me an ask for any solo episode or arc you wan’t covered. But now’s not the time for shameless plugs, it’s the time for adventure and to sew up a cliffhanger! So come with me after the cut for some ghouls, ghosts and arthur won’t you?

PREVIOUSLY ON LEGEND OF THE THREE CABLLEROS:

And now the conclusion...

Mt. Fuji Whiz:

First off... let’s talk about the episode titles for the series since I don't think I have yet. 

It has bothered me for the ENTIRE run of the series how terrible most of them are. There all a pun of some kind on something involved with the episode.. but out of 13 episode titles the only ones I like are World-Tree Caballeros, No Man is an Easter Island, Stonehenge Your Bets, Nazca Racing and Thanks a Camelot. And most of them fit the theme of the episode with the exception of Stonehenge: World Tree is a clever pun they couldn’t NOT use, no man fits the theme of the episode as bad as that episode is, Nazca Racing is just another good pun and fits the race at the end, and thanks a Camelot while a very simple one, fits the story of that episode, i.e. everyone's dissatisfaction with Arthur’s training. More on that later. Point is the rest are just.. really cringe inducing puns. And I do LOVE a good pun.. but that’s a GOOD pun, not obvious ones about a “pyramid life-crisis” or a play on gee whiz in 2018 for god’s sake. And the finale title is just.. really awful as they gave up entirely and named it after square dancing for HOPEFULLY no adequate reason. And look the series is a comedy first with the action second, pun titles would be fine.. their just so bad it sucks all the pun out of them. See what I did there? THAT’S a pun. And not even a great one, but it’s still better than this. It feels like the titles were an afterthought and it’s obnoxious. and frustrates me every time I have to type them out. And with only four episodes left I had to get it out sometime. 

So moving onto the actual episode we pick up with the ending of last episode: Death killing the Cabs and Team Sheldgoose. And as we see shortly. he wasn’t bluffing. We pick up with them in the underworld in a dmv line. My god.. it’s even worse of a beaurcrcy than Beetlejuice. Feldrake informs the cabs where they are and Donald, being Donald, dosen’t have the patience to wait in line with the bilions of souls down there, especially since the take a number thing gave them a number that needed to be printed on both sides.. and their at 4. Good gag though. So Donald storms out the moment he sees and exit and our boys head into the city of the Damned. Sheldgoose meanwhile decides to do his best Karen and demands ot speak with the manager.. whose another Sheldgoose it turns out. Uh-Oh.  After the credits our boys explore the city and hoping not to get hit with more ghost cards, find shelter in a little tavern owned by none other than Clinton Coot, Donald’s Great-Grandpa and father of his grandmother Elvira Coot. Clinton initally mistakes the boys for their ancestors, and is disapionted in meeting donald, but once he learns their the ones that inehreted his Cabana, he’s exastic to meet and learn about them. We also learn he had a collection of fragile frontiersman figurines.. which cleverly, are all various versions of Scrooge from life and times. His second cowboy outfit from the side story “The Vigilante of Pizen Bluff”, his prospector outfit from “Terror of the Tranysval”, his klondike prospecter outfit and him finding the goose egg nugget from “King of The Klondike” and him bitterly hauling a sack of his loot into town from the same story. Also some palet swaps of all but the last one because animation is expensive. Panchito.. destroys them all while putting down his pIzza. “NOTHINGS BROKEN”. Clinton then invites the boys to have a sip of his memories, literally he drains some out and despite their relcutance the cabs take a chug.  They reveal prettty much.. every nagging question about the cabana. Clinton, after finding out about his ancestor Duego Duck, the original cabs version of donald, Clinton traveled the world and the 7 seas, everybody’s looking for something.. and he was looking for every trace of the cabs, and their mysterious ally, who we know as Xandra. He gathered all of it, hence the massive collection of books and magical treasures in the cabana, eventually finding their hidden lair and building his cabana on top of it, founding New Quackmore with Sheldgoose’s own great grandmother.. who betrayed him and took the institute from him. His consolation prize was finding Ari and the atlas but he couldn’t open it like the boys and is curious what they found. I absolutely love this and while I feel Clinton’s history would’ve worked better as an overaching mystery, there were seeds for all of this planeted throughout the season, with Sheldgoose being in charge despite the name and Clinton being involved, Shelgoose’s mention a sheldgoose has always been president, and the tease last episode. Still would’ve liked MORE exploration and build up to this , but what we got was facenating upgrading Clinton from a footnote on the duck family tree, to a throughly loveable character: A guy who was so fascenated by his ancestor’s adventures he became an adventurer himself and who lovingly catalogued eveyrthing the guy and his friends ever did.. and had some heartrending reasons why we’ll get to. 

 As Jose leads in with not what but WHO, and likely tells clint about their adventures, a clever way to get that exposition out off screen, we cut back to the world of the living. Xandra is beating herself up, if not literally over things, and while the girls just suggest going to the underworld via zoom point, Xandra points out that won’t work. There’s only one way in: Charon, the greek ferryman of the dead.. and she realizes that’s exactly how, while the girls try a seance.  I’ll just cover the séance stuff now. The girls hold a séance to summon the boys, finding some unfinished business (A piece of said pizza) and having ari dress like a fortune teller because eh why not. There’s some good gags and stuff, but it’s mostly plot irrelvant, only hurting Panchito’s brain at first, then summoning him just as their about to fight a Tengu, with humphrey eating the pizza finsihing the buisness. Not a bad plot at all and certainly refreshing after all the Daisy nonsense last episode, but nothing really important.  Meanwhile let’s also get to Xandra’s subplot, which is both mroe relevant and funnier and again i’ll be covering all at once for convience. Xandra finds that the horn to summon Charon... is now a sax.  Huh so THAT’S what pamela anderson’s character CJ was doing when she was introduced on baywatch. 

Anyways turns out Charon’s reinvented the old boat and since Xandra’s an immortal he offers her a free ride. It’s now a cruise ship with him as the captain, voiced by voice acting legend Jim Cummings who does a fantastic job. The reasonings also brilliant: he wasn’t getting many WILLING souls with his creepy old setup, so he reinvinted things and now has a packed house, plenty of coins and a nonstop party. He even gives us an add for the buisness... this whole thing is fucking amazing and deserves to be praised and is the series at it’s best: taking something mythic and giving it some wacky but still clever tweaks. Xandra eventually gets annoyed as he isn’t going into the city so she can’t look for the cabs and takes the wheel, cursing her to be the captain now, but she just uses that to get in and finds clinton who agrees to guide her to the boys... we’ll get to where he guided them in a moment. 

And that moment is now, Clinton tells the boys there is a way out, but it involves fighting the Tengu, which is misdentified as a falcon despite, even as someone with only a surface knowledge of yokai, I knew it’s modled after a crow, or at least some versions are as it turns out.. and so is the one here so how did they screw that one up?

Point is they need to get past it, and are on a timer as when the Creepy combination of jack skeltington and that moon from Majora’s mask that’s in the sky sets and night ends, their stuck. But first they run into a guard who says they have to fill out paperwork.. and his superior is intend on that, his superior being unsuprisingly sheldgoose, who got the gig since his family runs the afterlife. Oh goodie the rich also somehow run death....

But Donald decides FUCK PAPERWORK, throws it in the air and they run for it with Sheldgoose sicing the tengu on them, which looks awesome by the way. Panchito disappears as mentioned before just as they get a plan but returns in time to free his friends and they triumph.. only for Sheldgoose to not take this lying down and summon his entire family to kick their assses. So both sides power up: having learned the trick from clinton earlier, the cabs inflate.. part of their bodies while sheldgoose forms a voltron style fusion made up of his ancestor’s heads.. with the caveman as the crotch. 

So a fight insues that’s fluid and beautifully animated, and Xandra even arrives to provide backup, with Charon relieving her because he’ could loose his five star rating. I hear you man I struggled just to get my island up to a four. So it becomes a gorgeously animated and awesome fight with Clinton joining inn, finally able to be one of his heroes. He also reitarates something he told donald, that it’s not the journey.. it’s who you take it with and part of his love of the cabs was never having companions like that. Donald takes it to heart and our heroes take their leave, Clinton finally having achieved his lifes’ work. They decide to see japan because why not. Maybe they’ll run into hannibal there. 

And to tie things off, Shelgoose and Feldrake, whose spent the etnire epsidoe still in the staff depsite being dead and...

And find.. a demonic version of Donald in a devil costume, from that short with the devil and angel Donald's.. okay I have some questions. 

He sends them back and we’re out

Final Thoughts for Mt. Fuji Whiz: One of the series best. It’s well paced, has an amazing concept and both sideplots have some form of relevance while being utterly hilarious, especially the charon one. Seriously best bit character of the series calling it now. Already headcanon him as part of the ducktales universe. Along with a lot of this actually. IT’s good stuff and despite the series falts episodes like this prove why it really needed, and still needs, a second season. 

Thanks a Camelot:

Our heroes return to the land of the living with Xandra and to the Cabana, and while Donald wants to relax a bit, Xandra being an ass shoots that down. Though her reasons are valid: Feldrake has been stepping up his game with every scheme.. which is true. HIs last two schemes, not counting his post mortem one, only BARELY didn’t kill them and actually did kill them, and him too but that wasn’t on purpose. They need some good old fashioned hero training so Xandra’s taking the to king arthur and camelot, which of course are still around, to get it and since his training involves leaving everything behind, they leave htier weapons and other stuff behind including their amulets.. which haven’t come up since but are now since their important to the finale i’m guessing and they’ve been wearing the whole time. The girls are tagging along too as they want to document things because the plot says so but their entertaining so fine and leaving Ari and the Bear to guard. And the barrier.. more the barrier.  So with our heroes off Feldrake decides they need to strike and Sheldgoose has a plan to get around the barrier to get Humphrey’s spark: hide inside a cake and have humphrey so overcome by his desire for cake he comes to them. Feldrake is unimpressed but it works.. and even better as he drags them in.. but apparently while Feldrake’s protections are keyed to our heroes bloodline.. coot’s only extneded to feldrake. Which makes sense: he was friends with a Sheldgoose and probably didn’t consider her an enemy till he’d already set the spells, and cleverly, and i’d forgotten this till writing this review: Sheldgoose has already BEEN on the Cabana grounds once and to the doorstep, in the first episode when he visited the yardsale and in the finale of the second when he showed up to give Donald his check. So the show even showed it.. we just didn’t think about it or assumed having the ring meant he couldn’t now. But nope Sheldgoose is inside and Humphrey’s knocked out. 

Back in merry old Camelot, I apolgoize for having a deficit of spamalot and Monty Python refrences, our heroes meet King Arthur, voiced by former star of said spamelot John O’ Hurley, who I was going to give a good treatment and go into his career.. then I found out he’s VERY conservative, pro trump even post riot and generally kind of an ass in how he conducts himself soooo instead a hearty

Does a good job here, still a weasel fiesta. So King Arthur trains our heroes.. via motivational statments, trust falls and what not with his knights who get the same traning, one of which is Gallhad, a frog voiced by the same guy who viced Kermit on muppet babies. Yayyyyy. The girls wonder off, finding Merlin, whose busy with spells and such and clarfying which one is which. They give him june’s phone as Merlin has a video game addiction but Arthur forbids it because well. he has a problem why wouldn’t he.  Ruined Todd Chavez’s life it did. I mean it’s exceptional now but it took a bit of living on a drunken horse with serious issues couch. 

Anyways, Donald soon gets fed up because.. hes Donald. And because.. Tony kinda leans on the more classic constantly angry donald in this one, since he DID help write the lines. It’s not BAD mind you.. but I prefer the melding of his comics and shorts self other works did, the smug ego and everyman desperation to be noticed and liked from the comics mixed with the ego but also tons of rage of the shorts. Kinda like how Daffy had his own egotistical smartguy version merged with his screwball version for the Looney Tunes Show.. which i’ve been rewatching lately. Even better than I remember, highly underated. 

My point is this Donald, as we approach the end .. isn’t for me. He’s just not as intresting as the cloudcuckoolander panchito or the smootha nd wise jose. He ballances them well, being the more direct angry one to panchito’s unpredicablity and Jose’s smooth compemplation. He’s not BAD, and i get why some would prefer this one over Ducktales, as he’s more in line with his classic characterzation.. but I just prefer a more nuanced Donald and this one isn’t it. He spends most of the series either complaning, pissed off, or pining for an ungreatful she demon. There’s not a lot of notes compared to Jose or Panchito, as Jose isn’t just a ladies man or a charmer but a fairly smart guy who has pretty damn good plans and Panchito isn’t just spacey but, kind brave and with his own moral code. They just got more fleshing out as things went and Donald didn’t and it’s disappointing. 

So Donald gets fed up with the training, and calls out it’s only motivatoinal, with the other cabs agreeing, if more tactfully, and the knights.. also agreeing, pointing out King Arthur dosen’t even do his own goofy self motivational exercises and abandon him.. at the worst possible time as the girls conjur up a super powerful magical dragon. So the knights leave him to it and Arthur is too cowardly to face it. So the Cabs do what he won’t and charge in to defend the holy grail, called the grail of immortality here for ..r easons, and fight the dragon.. and Arthur joins them, inspired to finally get his groove back and gives the knights a rousing speech and even reconclies with donald. So our heroes fight the dragon and nearly die, before the rest of the round table pitches in, and the girls find the dragons scroll and impulsively burn it.. which destorys it. So the day’s saved, and Arthur apologizes to everyone and decides to give the boys proper combat training as thanks. Also we get a really funny bit with Merlin, who throws the phone into the fire.. and much like the dragon, apparenlty it was tied to the employee who activated it because he suddenly and horrifcly burns up. PFFT. Dark but beautfiul

But of course what about the Sheldgoose subplot. Well I saved that for now to cover it all at once SO: Sheldgoose pokes around, being annoyed by a dart board of his face and what not and tries to find something to fish the spark out with... but Ari finds him and proves to be entirely useful, beating Sheldgoose down into the treasure chamber and getting inot a fight with him. Sheldgoose holds pace.. until Humphrey wakes up and with the odds against him they throw him out. Meanwhile Feldrake zaps a dog that was going to get peed on him but when sheldgoose is ejegted is surronded by dogs and clearly didn’t escape as he dosne’t want to taklk about why he smells to sheldgosoe. He is ABOUT to berate him for failure again.. but Sheldgoose points out he swiped something more important: The amulets. 

Proving once again Sheldgoose is the real power in the team. 

Final Thoughts on Thanks a Camelot:  This was a fun one. While finding out about John O Hurley was... unfortunte.. he does a decent job and the episodes a fun take on camelot with, as usual , really excellent gags, pacing and a hell of a fight scene with a dragon. Good stuff as usual

NEXT TIME; It all ends! It’s a visit to some yeti’s before one final dance betwen good and evil and one last set of episodes for this retropsective! Be ready! 

[livelovelaug-h]

Imagine running into joe at the DMV after meeting him at Anavrin

Joe x reader ofcc :: second part to "imagine meeting a cute guy at Anavrin "

Before

Joe's pov

Y/n, this is why you're not for me.

[BELLS TINKLING in Mooney's]

Once upon a time, I believed in love.

Sure, I'd been hurt before, but I'd learned from that, and I wanted to fight for a fresh start.

The real thing this time.

So, boy meets girl, boy knows this is something special, and he thinks, "Let me do everything I can to make this right".

So, I did.

I was brave.

I was vulnerable.

I won her the old-fashioned way.

I tried to do everything right for her.

I knew you have to do anything for love.

So I did. I did whatever I had to, whatever it took.

"I love you, Joe." Beck said.

"I love you too." ....

"I heard about you and Candace."

But Beck she did not trust me.

So she started asking questions about the past.

"Candace? I think they dated."

But I can't say I was shocked when it didn't work out. "Who's Elijah? I ask Candace.

"Give me my phone, Joe."

"He's not your brother, I know that."

"I don't love you. I never have."

She started digging for stuff that should have stayed buried.

I picked wrong. I made mistakes.

[GLASS BREAKS.]

- Love had made me blind.

And now - love turned to poison.

BECK:"Tell me I'm crazy. Tell me you didn't kill Peach." She sobs. "Tell me you didn't kill Peach."

And when love dies, it really hurts.

- The bottom line is

she couldn't love me back.

[BECK SCREAMS.]

And our love died.

I thought that was the end.

A sad story.

A broken heart I'd have to heal from to love again.

But no, there was more hurt in store.

Candace.

"I think we have some unfinished business to talk about."she says.

"Yeah."

And so I realize this is what I get for trying so hard.

I can't love again.

I can't risk it.

It's too dangerous. The only fresh start is a start without love.

This is what it's come to.

I'm a troubled man changed by the things I do. True, but it's funny how Love has taken me to dark places. But Los Angeles has gotta be as dark as it gets. When you're running from someone who thinks they know you, the best place to hide is a city they think you hate because, well, I do.

I'm closing my heart, like an out-of-business bookstore, and I'm here for the moment where everyone is too into themselves to ever connect with another person. It's the worst city in the world and the last place I wanna be, and that's perfect.

It's temporary.

Regroup, get some cash together, figure out next moves, go. Never look back.

It's a chance to get back to who I really am: - a quiet guy, who just wants to lead a quiet life. I've done time in uglier cages.

Do not fixate on any one person.

Later ~~

Hello you.

No, fuck, no, I'm not doing that.

I'm not gonna try to figure out who you are, why you look so concerned about the state of that heirloom tomato.

Now

I see you working at the kitchen. You look so hot I could just "uhh" you moan "that feels good joe say my name." I fantasize us having sex.

What's wrong with me? I don't do this.

Not anymore.

I don't fantasize to some impossible version of a woman I barely know.

It's not good. No.

It's hard to have a fresh start, y/n when the past is on your mind.

~~~

"Hi, I need a driver's license."

" ID and proof of residence? "

"Yep, it's all there." She types for what seems forever.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

" Slow system."

Some woman in the back yells "that is completely unacceptable."

MAN: "Ma'am, come up to the window, please."

"Just wait, I'll fix this."

I know that voice.

"Sir? This woman has an appointment.

Just like I just had an appointment.

You just helped me five seconds ago."

What are the chances?

"she has to come back with somebody that can speak whatever she speaks."

"Arabic? I mean, it's pretty common."

"Excuse me, does anybody speak Arabic? - Anyone?"

" I can."

"Thank you, sir, please."

"Nobody's gonna skip you, right? Thank you, everyone. See? Someone who can help. Wasn't that hard to ask."

"Some people, huh? Okay, this is all in order. You'll step over there to take the written test." The lady says handing me my papers.

"Okay, thank you." I say to her & smile.

"Will." You say as you walk towards me.

"Kismet, right? I mean, what are the chances? I don't always cause a scene. "I promise." you laugh and it's cute.

"That was pretty impressive."

"Good, because I actually frequently do cause a scene."

"Well, I have to take this test."

"Well, you got this. Here. For luck." you kissed my cheek. What was that???. I'm in heaven. You walked away out of my sight.

EMPLOYEE: "Next in line, please step forward."

Are you really who you seem to be? Could anyone be that light and fearless? You know, I didn't because I promised myself I wouldn't, but now it would be weird not to, right? You're kidding me.

Are you the only woman in Los Angeles not showing off for strangers? Speaks well of you, but does make it trickier.

Unfortunately, I know exactly what I need to do.

~~~ your pov

I hope kissing him wasn't too forward. What was I thinking?? But I liked it, and I think he did too. He is driving me crazy. He probably doesn't even like me back. What if he's already dating someone? Ugh.

[see]

so here's the thing: on my own terms i definitely failed, there's some stuff i did bad on on my own accord, all my fault, wouldn't have passed. BUT. the instructor i got was in a super bad mood and was just. awful. let me break down all the fucked up things she did

1) she told me to "head in the direction of the orange cone" when there were four different orange cones in wildly separate places and when i started going towards the wrong one she yelled at me. like actually yelled at me. this was before we left the dmv parking lot even.

2) i started slowing down for a 15 mph zone and for whatever reason she thought i wasn't so she was like "15 MILE ZONE!!!" i didn't go above 15 the entire time i was in the zone but when she talked to my stepdad about it she blatantly lied and told him i went 21

3) she said i didn't use my turn signal when i was supposed to but in the area i was in i just. wasn't supposed to use my turn signal? i was going straight? i wasn't turning?

4) after the test she started yelling at me for "speeding" (which i didn't do) and she asked me what the residental speed limit is and i, obviously upset, defaulted to "i don't know" (even though i did, it's 25. whoopsies, but in my defense, i was visibly crying) and she LOST IT ON ME and started calling me stupid and shit along those lines

[thelittleredheadedmusician]

can you do steph and batdad hanging out 🥺?

“You, uh didn’t have to do this,” Steph said, shifting awkwardly in the hard plastic chair. 

Bruce didn’t look up from where he was answering emails on his phone as he spoke, which really didn’t make her feel any better. “You sent a message to the group asking if someone could take you to the DMV. I was free.” 

“Yeah but like, I was expecting like Alfred or maybe Dick to bring me,” she admitted. “And you, like, really don’t have to wait around. I brought a book. You probably have other stuff to do.” Steph could feel it building up, oh no. Oh fuck. She was going to start rambling... “Like, I’m just getting my license renewed. It’s really nothing. You just sit here forever and then they take your picture and they have you like check some boxes and sign your name and print it out and you’re done! Takes a half a day but it’s really nothing big. I could’ve had like Tim or Harper come pick me up later.” 

He looked over at her mildly and Steph grimaced. Please don’t raise an eyebrow at her. Please not that look. Aw crap. What was with her luck today? “Stephanie, I really am free for the day and I knew what all this entailed. I don’t mind.” 

“Wait. Seriously?” 

The corners of Bruce’s mouth twitched up. Holy crap and a half, she’d gotten Batman to smile. “Yes,” he said patiently. 

“Oh,” Steph was dumbstruck. “Uh, thanks?” 

“No problem,” he hummed before finishing off his email and returning the phone to the pocket of his jacket. “What book are you reading?” 

Steph felt herself blush. The levels of awkward they were working through was excruciating. And at a pace that would leave even the Flash winded. Bruce was still looking at her and he seemed genuinely curious. 

“Um, The Raven King?” She held up the paperback. “Jason lent it to me.” And pause for reaction... Nothing? Ok. She was going to keep going then. “It’s the last of a series about teenagers and dead welsh kings and dreams and small town West Virginia. And uh, class differences and what you want versus what is expected and rebelling against like everything? With lots of really cool magic and snark.” 

Bruce nodded. “Sounds like something Jason would read.” 

“Yeah, uh, he’s got really good taste.” 

“Do you think I’d like it?” 

Steph blinked. Did she hear him correctly? “It’s, uh, a ya series?” 

Bruce just looked at her expectantly. Huh. Ok then. 

“I mean, yeah. It’s a pretty good quest and every time you think you’ve got it it gets weirder. Plus you’re kinda like Gansey. A lot like Gansey. I identify with Blue. And whether he’ll believe it or not Tim is so Ronan. Jason admits he’s Adam and we both agree that Babs is Maura. But like not a one to one match, just like certain aspects of ourselves line up with certain aspects of the characters...” 

“Sounds like I should try it then.” 

Steph smiled. In for a penny, in for a pound. “I can lend you the first book when you drop me off at home?” Bruce nodded appreciatively and Steph decided that this was happening, she was going to do this. “But really, I think you’ll get more of a kick out of Six of Crows. The plot twists are insane.” 

He raised a curious eyebrow and then she was off, rambling about books until her number was called.

[mylifeasaserver]

Running Stupid

Tonight was a hell of a night. We closed hours ago and I’m just now getting home.

4 of 5 servers called off, leaving me as the only one dumb enough to show up.

The cook called off too.

Whether that was because of a deliberate walkout type thing or coincidence, I don’t know. What I do know is I ran my stupid ass off all night because I was the only server on. 

Fortunately for me I had a dishwasher and a hostess on.

The dishwasher has been working here for a couple months now, and is a genuinely pleasant guy. I do what I can to make his job easier, and in turn he helps me out when I ask - you know, like it’s supposed to be - and occasionally I share some of my tips with him or buy him dinner. Our host is his girlfriend, and is new here. 

Our illustrious GM got call-outs all day. Do you think he called anybody in? Asked anybody to stay late? Nah, better to cram pizza rolls he deep fried down into his flabby neck pouch. He’ll just let the night manager figure it out.

He fucked off an hour after I got there, leaving a crew of 4 for the night. The manager had to cook, The host managed a wait list - she sat tables and got them drinks and kept a list of which table was sat in what order - God love her - and the dishwasher did his job plus bussed and sometimes pre-bussed and even did a couple check backs at my tables.

I ran a full dining room [mostly] alone. 

At some point I got drenched in bleu cheese dressing - because why not - and I had to wear an apron from an employee who left long ago because that’s what we have.

It actually wasn’t too bad, aside from running myself near to death for 5 hours and the free food table.

The free food table came in near the tail end of the rush and were immediately upset that they weren’t greeted immediately. They knew the deal before they were sat because the hostess told EVERY TABLE that there was only one server due to call outs and I’d be with them as soon as I could be. Not one table waited more than 5 minutes for me, and aside from these two assblasters there wasn’t a single complaint. Not one.

Anyway, as they place their order they tell me if everything isn’t absolutely perfect they’ll be sending the food back. It’s at this point I realize they’re free food scammers - and we’ve had them before. They whine about the food for discounts and never tip. 

I tell them I’ll make them a deal, half off the bill if they’ll just give my GM (see: the night manager) honest feedback on how everything is when she comes around.

They quickly agree. 

I tell the night manager that no matter what happens she has to make a trip to this table to ask them how everything was. She’s exasperated, tired, and has been busting ass behind the line - but she tells me to just tell her when to go. She trusts me. She’s clever like that.

I run their food out. They’re happy.

I do the check back. They’re happy.

The night manager comes by right before the check - and doesn’t introduce herself as the GM - and they’re happy.

They get the bill - they’re unhappy.

I didn’t take half off because they were happy with everything and don’t give a shit what they think because they don’t tip. They threaten to never return.

Them: We’re never coming back here! Is that what you want?

Me, in a voice so devoid of any emotion you’d swear I’d worked at the DMV for 48 years: Oh no. I’d totally hate that. Please don’t. 

Them: You’re an ass.

Me, in that same voice: Yeah, but you were happy with everything tonight and I hope you have a wonderful evening. I’ll be back for the check soon.

They paid, left a card for Jesus in the book along with the traditional no tip, and told the hostess they won’t be returning any time soon - if ever. Good riddance.

Eventually the place was empty, and shortly after that we closed. The kitchen was a disaster, both on my side and on the cook’s side of the line. Dishes were everywhere.

First, the night manager came out from behind the line to help me get my stuff done so - in her words - I could get the hell out. She was super appreciative of everything I’d done and that I’d done it with zero bitching. She was also pretty amused when I told her what I did to the scammer table. The dishwasher went back to his stuff, and my hostess started cleaning up the dining room.

With all the server stuff done, I was told I could go. 

Hard pass.

I made almost $500 (18.9% on sales) tonight - if it gives you an idea of how much running had to be done, my sales were over $2500, an average shift is around $5-600 - so I can afford to stick around. I helped the night manager get the stuff behind the line done, which in turn re-buried the dishwasher. 

So I went and did dishes after. I stayed for an extra few hours past close - as did everybody else.

I offered the dishwasher and hostess $75 each for helping me out that they both adamantly refused. Can’t force them to take it.

Can’t stop me from buying them both dinner either, so when they next want to eat here it’ll be on me.

Now to finish my beer and go the hell to bed. I’ve had enough of today.

If I find out that they were doing some kind of walkout thing without telling me and trying to bone the night manager in the process...some servers and a cook are gonna have a very bad time with me. -J

[artiemoonqueen]

Baby

By: Monica Lebron

I was part of a family that had very few pets. We had a turtle that was always there since I can remember but was never...never named. We had doves that my dad once built a coop next to our garage. We would have them in the house as they would sit on our shoulders and often lay unfertilized eggs everywhere. My brother and I were definitely too young to take care of doves. One perished from a night in said coop by a predator, the other was wounded and healed inside the house. We somehow...crushed this one during one of our rough housing. I know I know, we are heathens and should be sent to Peta jail but we were children. Being only three years apart from one another at ages 8-10, we were wrestling and playing on the couch with a comforter and one thing led to another. Our last friend from a pair seems to have gotten tangled up with us. We were very very mournful I swear to you all. After that, our parents had divorced(not because of the doves) and I was left to entertain myself without any responsibility to a pet. It was another story for my brother and mom but this isn;t about their many adventures with pets. This really isn't about the ‘previous’ pets we had in the past. This story is about Baby. In the year 2018, long before my 28th birthday I had to figure out a living situation.

1)find roommates that I knew

2)find roommates that I didn’t know

3)move back with my dad

4)live on my own

Since I had lived two years with roommates that I knew and some I knew too much. Before that I was living with my father that would sometimes ‘break my soul’. And I was a bit hesitant to move with people that were strangers at that time, I took the opportunity to live on my own for the first time. $650.00 for an apartment that has high ceilings, beautiful lighting that I will admit that I am currently kicking myself that I didn’t take enough selfies. Furniture and decorations of my own taste and pretty chill neighbors, the location was a little out of ways from anyone visiting and just down the hill was a large pharmaceutical company that was the ‘leading biotechnology company that invents life-transforming medicines for people with serious diseases’ in other words, high possibility that they are working on zombie-endulced material that a friend of mine who once worked there, would swear that that wasn’t happening but promise to text me ‘code red’ as a warning to get my ass far away from that place in anything were to happen.

So I was alone finally and I had really fucking felt it. I went through a winter before looking through websites for adopting an adult feline. I had no preference other than friendly, pettable, I pick up and hug when I need it, but independent. Spoilers(with tears coming down my face I was able to find that. Sorry I thought this was going to be easier) Before our paths would tangle as the dove with my brother and I’s wrestling match, I first looked on the local humane society website to look for potential companions. While I knew I wanted an older cat because of less time training and the idea of giving an older cat a better life, I saw a green eye, black cat with the christen name ‘Monica’. Now if you want to take this moment to go back to the top of this tale and look at the author’s name, I too am named ‘Monica’. What kinda psycho names a cat with a human name like ‘Monica’? I’ve heard names like Sprinkles, Scooby, Donut, Ringo, Chucky, and just about any reference to a greek god/goddess or dessert. Who was the previous owner that watched too many episodes of ‘Friends’ that decided to name a kitten Monica? I quietly laughed in my lonely one bed-room and moved along the website until the next day, on May 21, 2018. A week before my 28th birthday, my little cousin and I drove our way to the adoption center to look at cats that I had no idea whether I would go through with it or not.

“There’s a cat there named Monica?” my cousin had asked after I told her the musing I did the night before.

“ Yeah, she was cute but I can’t take her! I’d look insane.”

“ You don’t know Monica, maybe she is the one.”

“ Hell fucking no.”

We got out of the car and walked in. The front desk had a box of kittens that needed to be processed in. Their mewls were delightful to hear but were too young to be adopted out. I had signed in and asked ‘what’s your most friendliest outgoing cat here right now?’ The person attending us was quick to say all the cats were great but in her time there she had gotten to like a cat named...Monica. I could feel my cousin's smirking gaze on me. I was not going to subject myself to ridicule for having a cat with my same namesake thank you very much. There were many potential companions to see anyway. Some very old and very young. One with just an eye that I was close to choosing and others with large ears that reminded me of season 1 of ‘Girls’ Adam Sackler. But in the room with both a ‘mr and mrs. Incredible’ was also the notable cat named Monica. Let me tell you a little about the cat that will soon be renamed ‘Baby’. She knew how to get ya’ to want her affection. She knew that being present, unafraid. In the open, fluffy with hints of grey and a rich reddish brown coat along the black, open wide green eyes and a meow that was certain. She was her own saleswoman. In a true cliche, I was ‘hook, line and sinker’.

After $90.00 in cash, in a cardboard ‘cat carrier’ and her meowing away, I took a female, domestic longhair, black, eye color that was the color green. Birth Date 10/2009, formerly named ‘Monica’ home. Our first week, I thought she wanted to get close to me at night so when I awoke to a bat that brushed across my face and not her, that was fun. Eleven shots and two weeks of follow up maintenance shots for rabies, we had gotten familiar to one another. I would feed her half a can of wet food at 5:30 am before my morning shift at my part time job at the dmv and feed her the rest at night after my shift from my salon job. She lay on her back sometimes when we were both in the living room while I enjoyed binging on tv. And meow when I say ‘what?’ when we would eye at each-other. She will follow me to a basement apartment that I shared with my close friend David. We call her ‘pizza’ baby because of the time she climbed alongside the back of the couch while we were eating pizza from Pizzaroni. I felt a tug on my left arm that was holding up my cheese slice. When I looked, she was leaning far to reach my pizza to eat it. Not a successful attempt that time but she will try again. She constantly wanted the attention of David to which he would gladly and promptly pet her while she purred and then quickly turned around to bit his hand away. He always gave her the attention though. For that I am grateful for David. You made sure she ate and loved. You affectionately talk about her to your parents on your long distance phone calls with them and tell your two ideal brunch buddies about your time with Baby. You were the best coparent for her when I would leave for a week long trip to Europe or weekends away to work conventions. She loved you. You had to know that, and you Mike. She loved you too. But she didn’t love the dogs that would shit all over the backyard on the walkway to the trash. Those assholes.

Her next adventure with a month long excursion to my dad’s house before the final move together. While I worked my last few weeks at the salon to save for the time that I would become a true ‘City’ woman. She would find ways to break into my dad's room to lay on the middle of his bed and sleep. His heater would be right in her direction, while we sat unknowing in his recliner in front of his tv. He didn't want to like her. I know this. But who could meet a cat like Baby and not love her. Who would not love seeing a black cat go on her hind legs to look out the window that you have looked through to see the ongoings of the gentleman club next door. Yes, from grades eighth to age 26 I had lived in an apartment that was a stone throw away from a gentleman’s club that late at night, my dad would wake me up to see out the window and watch as the patrons would take pictures of topless dancers on the sign of the establishment before a game of ‘catch me if you can’ through the usual busy main street formerly known as The Bowery before 1867 however that should be left for another drawn out tale. Baby will have a final destination and despite her short time here, my dream of her sleeping peacefully near me while I lay on my bed on a raining day did come to fruition. Super Bowl LIV, February 2, 2019. Both my birth mother and I are hungover from separate nights from each other. She picks up my stuff, Baby and I. And we head to my current apartment in Brooklyn, New York. A dream that I have had besides the many others that will be done and accomplished, I swear. Baby is free to roam the car but she opts to explore little and sleeps most of the way to hear and then to Long Beach for two nights of rest. She walks around like the fearless cat that she is in any space she is in. Never cowers. Never shows fear or intimidation. She is fucking awesome in all her glory and we live together here for another six months until she seems to not to be herself.

As I live in a time of fear for my health during a pandemic, I don’t realize that Baby could be going through a decrease of quality of life with some kind of kidney failure. It was all too quick the deterioration in her appearance and behavior. I was quick to get her to a vet but the results showed more than we had thought and I had to bring her to an emergency vet. They were so kind but when the doctor told me the treatment that would be done to her, I agreed to then going to reception to find out that I would even have enough money to keep her there for a day of treatment. I paid for blood work, exam fees and medicine just to try and figure a way and she seemed to perk up again and walk her way to her favorite rooms to look out the windows or spy on us watching another extructating episode of White Lines. But she wouldn’t eat. For almost three weeks she wouldn’t eat and I had to force feed her food but she didn't want it. I would just get frustrated and I’m sure she was frustrated with me but why wouldn’t she just eat and take the medicine and be like another girls cat that has had kidney failure for years but the cat was still going? Why?

I knew what was going to happen if I made another appointment. I knew and I didn’t want to know. I just had to make the appointment because what if? What if, despite the week before she was back to her ‘old self’ she got even worse the following week, and couldn’t even walk in a straight line. What if her constant sleeping was just her trying to heal herself? What if I bring her one more time and they have a better option that I can afford and I can bring her home and she could lay right beside me on the bed like she use to and look at me with her beautiful green giant eyes that a kid once said were evil eyes but your are dumb kid, really dumb. What if? That’s not how it goes though. We know in our souls when it’s time to say that horrible and final goodbye. So we push through, kiss them more and hold them close and bring them to the vet. We will wait and listen with tears already shed for the answer we didn’t want. The answer that didn’t fit with the what ifs. And you try to say your goodbye while uttering so many I’m so sorry. This isn’t a mom in hospice or a phone call from the police saying your sibling has passed. It’s nothing close to seeing the numbers of people dying from a virus or you dad getting in an accident and obtaining horrible injuries. Those pains are harsh, and grasping air. Those pains affect the heart, and brain for the rest of your life. Baby is like one in a million pets that people have lost. There will be millions of pets to come and go after my time here. However Baby was mine for a short time, but mine. I love her. I miss her. I feel her but I know she can never be here with me again. Feeling her not in the room with us but still having her body left was eerie. She made me happy, and loved like a familiar to its owner. Her snores by my head will be missed. Her purrs and weight on my chest. Her constant knots in her long hair. Her allowances of my kisses on her head. Goodbye Monica, Goodbye Baby.

END

[unproduciblesmackdown]

hmm here’s me talking about su sort of lmao like i said i’m not here to be particularly scentamentle?? just say funney stories....and some opinions.....it’s really been a hot minute and i haven’t been making Long text posts about things so i can throw one out there even if it’s got no thesis statement

also like i said i just so happened to like, actually watch the first ep on actual tv when it actually premiered....all i super remember knowing about it beforehand was like “oh rebecca sugar getting her own series right on” and i was gonna check it out on that alone and then also i remember before it debuted there was an article about it in the wapo in the sort of “local”-ish section b/c it was like. hey this is based in uh yknow the dmv....delmarva area.....this whole Region.....and i (from nova and in nova at that time, and flipping thru the print wapo every day) was like haha. neat. also god damn it was 2013, hell of a year. i can tell you little about it b/c it was so crappy i just like did not bother much with things like “distinct memories” lmfao. great to have like, a weekly thing towards the end of that hot mess (november??? or smthing??) back when....god........it aired weekly.........anyways yeah i was pleasantly surprised from the start i don’t Get when people are like “can’t watch this in order :/ the first few eps don’t sell it well” like okay speak for yourself god dman....more on that later i’m sure lmfao. hot takes

my brother started watching it too just cuz he’s game for shit that way and i was keeping up with it. like i remember i thought cheeseburger backpack was extra fun and i think i showed him a rerun and i remember he thought it was funny lol the Raft Gag......and when i was watching tiger millionaire i kept For Real Laughing and he came over like what is going on.....and i think he was signed on from there........again pretty fun for it to be this weekly thing. also maybe i’m not here to be Sentamental but i was also like “oh no that Spoke to my feelings unexpected :(” during tiger millionaire when amethyst was all “you can’t let anyone make you feel like garbage” and “i only feel how i wanna feel” like guess who was in the early stages of “my self esteem is so crappy it’s starting to circle around into [trying to increase self esteem]”.........like i said hell of a time. though then that’d be 2014 by then i think?? still a hell of a time

started to get “i think i will draw the same character one million times” about it at some point in 2014 too lmfao......every instance of [me drawing the same shit one million times], which is the only way i ever draw anything, then like, benefits whatever i draw later cuz like. sure get some practice out of it. and even though like, it wasn’t quite as huge an Internet Thing as it was gonna get once i started to draw shit, it was already like, classic-me Kinda Niche to be like “hey gang who is going ham about the bored dumbass teens”....not so niche that there weren’t other people going “yeah i am” at any given time tho. and then we put our hands in the middle and go Yeah!! and jump up hsm style. it was also a great time for something Fun and (easier than marble hornets lol) to draw b/c. it simply was a good time for it.....struggling to draw shit back then even more than is like, usual. oh and also i forget but i had sort of Withdrawn from the mh fanbase b/c it got this whole influx of randos after fjsfdking the Video Game we all know the one and i was like. i am gonna.....sidle over here. nobody Likes to be in a fandom actually lmfao. and i mean even while su was getting to be A Whole Thing i was like. bro i am over here in the Donuts section and it is a little quieter and i use the tag sometimes but i’m all set, thanks. still the least Niche niche i’ve been in probably lmfao....see: the fact that probably still way most of my followers are here from su times even tho idk who’s even active still

also had a high time making some great Long Text Posts. i kind of always fail 2 grasp that even as much as my drawings that stuff leads to me actually getting to interact with people, b/c like, those text posts have me actually saying Words in them, which helps lmfao..........i think it’s like, these posts are probably Not That Fun for most people, but then for the people who Are like “oh sweet this is something that i actually want,” that’s obviously a helpful way to find a kindred spirit lmao.....like hey cool you already know i can’t shut up and am opinionated and obviously a lil much? fantastic let’s do this. plus idk it’s fun to Not Shut Up Actually. like, not the biggest deal. ppl can just Scroll Past. or not

speaking of “getting practice Not Shutting Up and Drawing Shit”.......hilarious when in late 2018 i find myself like. oh so you’re telling me this excellent character who is a self-sabotaging struggling-to-know-how-to-cope-with-shit-and-connect-with-others insecure af Teen is not appreciated / ignored / deemed Awful (and then ignored) by the majority of the fanbase?????? hahaha you don’t say....but No Problem. let me just talk about how this person has Complexity actually and is a lot more sympathetic than not and i hate all of you omg like do we have to do all of this ourselves lmfao........guess so, Fine

what am i talking about funny stories who is this funny to lmfao. okay no but okayyy what an experience when the island adventure preview came out and for like the next 4 days i did not experience depression lmao........i Jumped on the opportunity b/c it was like, early fall i wanna say??? i think sept?? 2014 and i was kinda mulling over going to gmx (which was this convention the Marble Hornets gang kept getting invited to & i’d been 2 twice b4 but missed the previous yr coz it was 2013 and i was way not thriving) and yeah jumped on the “depression / (as much) anxiety who???” superpower to Ask if it was cool if i went to a friend’s wedding in georgia for a weekend. there was no friend’s wedding in georgia. and then i went to gmx AND. ironically (not really im sure. idk what irony means and idc) gmx weekend ended up being the same weekend island adventure actually aired and when i left that morning (gmx being in nashville) my lil bro (getting up for school) was like GO GO and i actually made it in time to catch it in the hotel room but. they didn’t have the channel despite it being listed on the channel guide. i about flipped lmfao but i did see it later that weekend and flipped again. gmx was an a-okay time as well lmao that was the last time i made it

they may have never sold a licensed Lars S1 Green/Purple Snake Tee but look when i have this green racerback with a neat snake print & this necklace of purple quartz crystals and also when i was at gmx i bought this necklace with one (non purple, non actual crystals but plastic shaped like it / glossed) pendant In The Spirit Of It All and it gets compliments. anyways the point is. indirectly representing

speaking of crystals = lars i’d just like to reiterate that i’m always right. like sure i was like “look i don’t know how lars could have Crystal Magic in him but something is up with the fact he’s = pink magic flowers with crystals inside them Means Something.” i think it’s reasonable to Not have predicted he dies and gets revived w/ crystal magic that’s in him now. but that’s still a Win for realizing somethings up....tfw as early as like s2 times i’d be like “well the donuts gotta get involved in the center of adventure at Some point and also i Know it is important that steven is just lars’s rly annoying little brother and y/n do you think lars would die to protect him i think he would...” like. i didn’t wanna be That right :/

tfw me and my brother were watching rose’s scabbard while my mom was napping it out in the armchair and like silently Sharing A Look at the whole “she was beautiful” thing like. lol harold

i still don’t know how much of a Thing(tm) magfest is but as far as i can figure it it’s No Comic Con (like, thank god :| ) but still kind of a thing. anyways i learned of it cuz i saw there was gonna be a couple su panel thingies & i looked it up & we were less than an hour away and so it was like midnight but i ask my brother like hey wanna swing by this thing on this one friday. and he was like Sure. so i made it happen and he was 17 so we had to drag our dad to the bank to Notarize a form that he was allowed to be there accompanied by me. it was a big place and it also took us a while to find Registration or whatever and when we tried getting sandwiches later it cost like $7 each go figure. anyways but we were just there for the one Event & there was a room like filled with arcade games and a bunch of other consoles (also Retro though. like old computers n stuff) and they had Galaga, thank fucking god. we 2 playered that shit and wandered around and also 2 playered a game called toobin, which was funny. real gamers know. 

when we were in the (pretty long) Line to get into the Panel, i actually like. spotted a then-mutual who i (was pretty sure i) recognized from her occasional selfie lol and who i guess had travelled all the way from the west coast for the weekend. when we were actually Seated she happened to be a couple rows back and both of us on the end of the aisle and i asked my brother if he could read her nametag (to verify lol) and i bopped over to have the cringe and fail exchange of “hey do you have a Tumblr” and then i was like “haha i’m milo i’m ummmwine” and she got up to hug me and then i had to scamper back to my seat cuz shit was starting lol

like my life was not changed by this event but we had fun and. the Hilarious story is that it was also partially a Q&A and i had a Q and my brother encouraged me by again whispering “go go” as soon as the first syllable was spoken implying Line up For Questions.....i was in like, the last idk, haaalf dozen or so ppl who made it to the mic? and look i knew i was gonna be asking a niche question that like 3 other people of the hundreds in the room would care about but So What. deal with it gang, let’s have some Variety. but i was still nervous. and when i’m nervous, i a) Have A Script and b) get even chattier. and right after the person Right In Front Of Me got their answer, i guess it was noticed that it was getting down to the wire so they were like “haha okay lightning round :)” and i was like NO.......GOD..........lmfao like too late im sorry i Can’t make it lightning round. i was muy anxious.....just that, again, hundreds of people there, i have the floor, nobody’s gonna Like my quastion......and they didn’t know the answer (which i figured was v possible lol) so i was like oh no sklfjd hope this entire room doesn’t hate me. i mean of course i didn’t care if they did too much but, Nerves....also im valid, but were the like half dozen people who asked prior to me about shit that would CLEARLY be too spoilery to answer valid????? no lmfao. cmon. that’s what’s Really cringe

well here we ffw a bit b/c Mid To Late 2015 is certainly a time for me and it doesn’t really make for an interesting story so just to tldr it lmao like, got some beautiful moral support from someone as i was makin a Lifestyle Change lol and continued to get beautiful moral support from that same person and i continue to benefit from it....You know who you are!!!! tyvvm....and it occurred to me that the reason i am where i physically am is via someone i met thru su-posting.......which is true of the You Know who you are person too, which is why i brought it up lmao

uhh god not as many Stories after that lol.....def got to engage in “i’m ___ i’m gonna [draw the same character i always draw] so i won’t be so ___” during interesting times lol. love that for me

tbh the uh. Wanted arc was truly one of the best Serial Arcs, just dramatic & solid af and also it’s lars time and for a second i go “god well at least maybe now ppl will acknowledge lars is a gr8 character” and then a second later i go “Oh No they’ll only say he’s a good character *Now*” and that’s exactly what happened lmfao but well we still got as much lars fanart as we ever got outside that couple weeks aftermath... l o l . . . i had to wait One Zillion Years for my little brother to catch up to this b/c. he was watching via hulu i think where like, a full season would come out a good while after the finale. seriously i think it took him almost 2 years. im like dammit lmfao this is What Matters dfslk....fond memories when hulu was free / no login req’d / shit would be available like the day after airing

uhhhHHH crazy how this show muscled through the weird scheduling change where it was like “no weekly eps Only Erratic Hiatuses”......ppl were so foolishly Into the first “5 eps in a row” release and i was like “no i don’t like this” and then a year later i was like “you see. You See.” rip

i think we can even ffw to sutm at that point lol....im like im in this for lars okay lmfao kinda Shrugggg @ things by this point lol like finale shminale. where’s he at. and i really wasn’t paying a world of attention to like, prior-to-release lore n announcements so i was just plunged into this chaos of like sorry???? excuse me?? of all the people in the world sarah stiles?????? lfsdj like noooo don’t show me these tweets lmfao......truly it’s fine i’m being Hilarious but it’s also very real that like, when i see things like “showtime(tm)” or “SHO” or “billions content” i’m just doused with Dread b/c i hate this series lmao i swear to christ. but it’s really Fine lmfao like. i was kinda “eh :/” to “yea this is alright” about the rest of it but spinel was The Highlight lmfao and having $50 to go ham on her animation was great but really the voice acting Made It.....like the entire takeaways was uh the other friends sequence and fuckin uhh this part. fuck it up ms. stiles........hit it out of the park..........cain was the first funny bitch and spinel was the second. that thought just came to me and i will not elaborate. call that a revelation. oh and also it was a relief cuz i was like “i s2g if this Antagonist is like, aquamarine-style annoying af....i will die” but No. spinel is annoying af in another way which is her rights and i don’t want to die about it lmfao. she’s good.......i don’t even resent the “how come whenever some rando shows up ready to literally kill everyone for no good reason, all of you are ready to be like ‘wow an icon’ and we can’t have 10% of that energy for the teen who’s kinda bitchy b/c he’s annoyed by life and crap???” thing b/c i mean, she had her whole Arc all at once and also is good enough for it i think. the nadir was when the one rando shows up for like One episode like “i Don’t want to kill everyone :3 syke >:)” and for some reason people were like “omg iconic. call them on their ‘don’t kill everyone’ bullshit” like lol i hate you guys

well i like lars’s [last outfit we see him in] and i feel like it only backs up the bi agenda. another epic gamer moment had been when it became a Popular Hc that lars is trans b/c he is lmao. and everyone was all “why is everyone sayign this why would you want him to be trans he sucks” like get good grandma!!!!!!!! it’s too late. well that’s the end of my post. me in 2014 being like “wow way to have something to keep up with b/c now i have to outlive it to get all the dnads content i guess” and here i am. but it’s almost April 2020 so. haha 

hmm what’s a less ominous ending. oh shit another thing that was funny is i was like So about these Skull Plugs featured in this semi-official drawing of lars once and then horror club came out (fun b/c i like horror) and had the skull plugs for Real & they were glow in the dark. that was a big day for me even seeing the promos lmfao. except then i guess it was foreshadowing, so again i end this with Death. don’t we all

wait no lsfdjs What tf was matthew moy talking about “i like your hair.” dude dropping an i-guess cut line on us lmfao. alright alright im done

[maypalserrup]

As Your Boyfriend... (Ajay x f!MC)

“As Your Boyfriend...”

Ajay x f!MC

Word count: 1970

uhhh baby’s first angst! this is angst. sorry, not sorry @rulesofthebeneath :)

tags: @rulesofthebeneath @directorajay @lilmissperfectlyimperfect

Ajay was not good at handling stress. He also refused to talk about his stressors, and bottled it up and sealed it tight with a cork. Grace had learned to accept this, because every time she sat him down to ask about what was bothering him, she was met with irritation and claims of, “I’m fine, Grace!”

Eventually, she learned to just leave it alone.

Ajay functioned best in high-stress environments. It’s why he decided to pick up being Rory’s campaign manager as soon as he decided to run, and pick up a job at the cafe--fast-paced, mind-consuming things were the way he functioned best. Despite hating reading Heart of Darkness, Conrad’s observation that busy, everyday tasks is what kept us distracted from the bigger issues of life really resonated with him. He liked using the mindless work to drown out the stuff that really plagued him.

Grace learned to respect this. Some things you just weren’t meant to push. But Ajay’s tendency to bottle up all his stress and ignore the things that were really affecting him began to affect those around him. He was much more stringent with Rory and the way he behaved (“The way you behave will affect your campaign, Rory! All eyes are on you now!”), more emotionally distant from Grace (“Grace, I’m fine. I’d tell you if something was wrong.”), and more aggressive in his indignance towards Erin and her running Ray’s campaign (“You scheduled a pool-noodle duel in the middle of our flash mob, really?! Do you not have tact?!”). His tensions were high, and it was bringing down the morale of the group around them. Erin began sitting away from him at the lunch table, and Ajay was quiet other than talking to Rory about his campaign.

He wasn’t the person Grace kissed in his car the night of the cast party anymore.

Despite his new attitude, he still took Grace on dates, took her home from school. But it was on those car rides home that Grace saw how much Ajay was really bottling up, because it all came out in the form of road rage.

While he wasn’t happy-go-lucky whilst driving before, his soft, exasperated What the fuck?!’s had become an angry, “What the fuck, asshole? Learn to use your turn signal! What idiot at the DMV gave you a license?!”

After a week straight of silent brooding at the lunch table, minimal conversation in the hallways, and even more yelling in the car on the way home, Grace knew that this wasn’t a wound that would heal on its own. If anything, it was festering, and Ajay wasn’t letting her get anywhere near him with an antibiotic.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Ajay had yelled at the car in front of him, which had ignored his horn as he sat through the green light in the left-hand turn lane, only going once it had turned yellow, effectively trapping everyone else for another red light.

“Ajay,” Grace said softly. His knuckles were turning white from how tight he was gripping the steering wheel, his jaw clenched tight. She could practically hear his molars grinding together “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Grace. I thought we’ve been over this.” He snapped, not turning to meet her eyes. She glared at the side of his head.

“Pull over.”

“What?”

“I said pull over. As soon as this light turns green, turn into that Rite Aid parking lot. We need to talk.”

“Grace-”

“I said pull over, Ajay!” Now she had raised her voice, and she watched him visibly deflate as she sat back in her seat, allowing herself to untense. “Pull over.” Her voice was softer now, sounding as deflated as Ajay looked.

The tension in the small space while they waited for the light to turn green was so palpable Grace felt like she was suffocating. The silence was suddenly the loudest she’d ever realized it could be, but maybe it was just the blood rushing in her ears. She focused on the steady tick of the turn signal, the soft volume of the local news station crackling from the radio. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Ajay, who was viciously chewing on his lower lip, so she focused on her hands instead, twisting a small opalite ring on her left middle finger over and over again.

The minute-long wait at the red light felt like a year instead, and she was so on edge that the gentle bump of the car as it went over the parking lot’s apron made her jump. Ajay pulled his car into an empty stall at the back of the lot, where it was emptiest. He cut the ignition and kept his eyes forward, waiting for Grace to say something.

“Ajay, something’s wrong with you.” Perhaps it was a harsh accusation, but it wasn’t made without forethought and collection of evidence beforehand.

Ajay didn’t say anything, but he swallowed, and she saw his Adam’s apple bob against his portrait.

“Over the past week, you’ve been miserable to be around. You’re not you, Ajay, and you’re not letting anyone help. You’re not letting me help.” Her throat tightened. “Do you not trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong?”

There was a beat of silence, before Ajay took a breath.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” he whispers. “I just don’t like talking to people about my issues.”

“Ajay.” Grace’s voice was firm. “They’re issues, and deserved to be resolved! Do you really think you letting them sit will make them go away?”

“You know,” Ajay’s voice was tense. “I take you home everyday because I care about you. But if you’re gonna use these ten minutes as a place to corner me, I’ll just let Rory take you home instead.”

“Are you kidding me?! Has you bottling up all your anger eaten away at your brain?! Why can’t you see that I care about you? If I didn’t, I would just let you sit and suffer in silence!”

“Maybe that’s what I want!” He yelled back, finally turning to look at her. Her eyes widened as she saw his, bloodshot and brimming with tears. “Maybe it’s what I deserve!” His voice broke, and so did Grace’s heart. She had never seen Ajay cry before, and she quickly decided it was one of the worst things she had seen in person with her own two eyes.

“Ajay,” she whispered, bringing her hands up to his biceps, where she ran her hands over them comfortingly. “Please, please, please tell me what’s wrong.”

There was that extremely loud, palpable silence again. Ajay spent a good thirty seconds trying to gather his thoughts, opening and closing his mouth as he decided what to say. A tear rolled down his cheek, and Grace watched it fall onto his lap, staining the dark jeans he wore.

“My parents are getting a divorce,” he whispered, voice wavering. “And I don’t know what’s going to happen to me or Mohit. And as of right now, I’m effectively failing my math class. I can’t focus in class anymore. Or anywhere, really. At work yesterday, I can’t tell you how many times I mixed up milks, even though they were right on the cup. I had so many people get mad at me.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Grace. My parents are more distant than ever, and I feel like if I talk to one of them, it’ll look like I’m taking sides. And I don’t want to create even more tension between the two of them.”

“Oh, Ajay, I’m so so-”

“I don’t want pity, Grace. Please.” He turned his face away from her, quickly wiping tears away.

“Okay,” Grace sighed, bringing her hand up to his left cheek and turning his face back towards her. She gently rubbed his cheekbone with the pad of her thumb. “I’m not pitying you. I care about you more than anything. I want nothing more than to see you happy right now.”

He attempted to give a wavering smile, where only the corners of his mouth quirked up. It didn’t reach his eyes, and Grace thought that a forced smile was infinitely worse than no smile at all.

“Being here with you is a nice break from everything.” He unbuckled his seatbelt, leaning over the center console to press his face into her chest, hiding the flood of tears beginning to fall. She hugged him, running her hands through his hair. “I’m sorry for being such a dick this week.”

“It’s okay, Ajay. I can practically see how stressed you are.”

“It doesn’t excuse my behavior.”

“No, maybe not, but you’ve been bottling up every single emotion you’ve had. It’s been leaking out slowly. I think we’ve all noticed that you acted like this because something’s been wrong. And something has been wrong, Ajay. You have every right to be upset right now.” Grace’s voice was gentle, and Ajay forgot how much he needed someone to just speak gently with him. In his household it had been nothing but blood-curdling silence or hate-fueled yelling. He wasn’t sure which was worse.

They sat in silence again, but this time it wasn’t suffocating. Sure, the sounds of Ajay’s quiet crying into her chest broke her heart, but she was comforted knowing that he finally opened up to her, and the silence was because he couldn’t speak, not because he wouldn’t. They sat for a long time, Ajay leaning uncomfortably over the console, his arms wrapped tightly around Grace’s waist, and one of her arms around his shoulders, her free hand stroking his hair. His shoulder eventually stopped shaking, and he pulled away, wiping his nose on his sleeve. Grace made a face, grabbing a napkin out of his glovebox and handing it to him.

“C’mon, Snotty. Use your resources.” She was trying to lighten the mood with a lighthearted joke, and her heart swelled as he took the napkin with a chuckle, wiping his nose with the paper instead.

“Sorry, I’m not the prettiest crier.”

“None of us are, silly. My face turns redder than Ms. Amoros’s hatchback.”

Ajay barked out a laugh. “God, she really chose the most ostentatious, ugly red possible.”

Grace laughed in return. “I know, and my face turns even redder than that! Effectively making me the ugliest crier here.”

Ajay lightly shoved her shoulder, shoving the crumpled up napkin in the paper bag he kept for trash in his backseat. He reached into the open glove box for hand sanitizer. “Grace, no matter what state of emotion you’re in, I guarantee you’re still mind-numbingly beautiful.”

“I’m trying to cheer you up and you’re still complimenting me!” She exclaimed, and he laughed at her, eyes visibly brighter despite still being swollen from crying.

“As my boyfriend, it’s my job. Regardless of my state of emotion.”

“You’re relentless.”

“Relentlessly in love with you.” His voice was sincere, even through the thickness in his throat that came with post-crying.

“Well then I’m relentlessly in love with you, too.” Grace smiled, running her hands through his hair again. “Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? My parents love you, and you know it’s always an open invitation. I’ll even ask my dad to make your favorite pancakes.”

Ajay finally broke into a bright grin, the one that reached his eyes. “But you always say how you get sick of pancakes.”

“For you, I’d eat pancakes until I’m sick if it meant you were happy.”

“Y’know, that doesn’t exactly sound like a bad thing.”

“I’m trying to be sappy and you’re ruining it!” Grace was laughing full-on at this point, and she was relieved that he seemed to be much happier than he was ten minutes before.

“As your boyfriend, that’s also definitely my job.”

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

I had a friend create a 10-category, 50-question Harry Potter trivia quiz for my 30th birthday. I have a Ravenclaw tattoo that takes up most of my right forearm. I’ve helped orchestrate an HP-themed baby shower. I’ve held multiple HP movie marathons. And when we were first dating and Wife told me she’d never read the books, I legitimately cried and then blocked it from my memory. When she told me for the second time, months later, I cried again. 

One could say I’m a fan of the wizarding world. 

So here we are, at the second entry in the second wizarding franchise, and the only question really worth answering is, is this a world that’s still worth visiting? Well...

Imagine someone you love - it could be anyone, but as an example I’ll use your best friend. Imagine your BEST friend, whom you’ve shared so much with, whom you’ve gone through ups and downs with. That one. Now imagine that every few months, your best friend’s mom sends you a text, or calls you, or puts up a billboard in your town that seems to be actively trying to get you to hate your best friend. Things like “She kicks puppies” or “One time, she made fun of a homeless man until he cried” or “She told me she wants to set fire to a hospital.” Like, real fucked up stuff. Would you maintain a relationship with that friend? With them both? Or would you cut ties completely and just hold onto the memories of the friendship you used to have?

I’m genuinely asking, because J.K. Rowling seems hellbent on shitting all over the things I love in some twisted effort to make me utterly baffled and repulsed by the world she has created. I never thought I’d say this, but Johnny Depp is the least of this movie’s problems, so welcome to Whose Crime Is It Anyway? where the timelines are made up and the plot points don't matter.

A spoilery summary! Our favorite Hufflepuff Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) is asked by Hot Dumbledore (Jude Law) to go to Paris and find Credence (Ezra Miller). You remember Credence, the sweet emo boy from the first movie whose death functioned as the climax of the film? JK JK death is meaningless and impermanent here! It’s the roaring 20s, everyone’s drunk. Newt needs to find him because Grindelwald (Johnny Depp, doing his best impression of day-old potato salad) is also looking for him. Credence is the subject of a prophecy that everyone’s familiar with but the audience, you see, and he’s currently trapped in a Parisian street circus with a woman/snake named Nagini (Claudia Kim, and yes, THAT Nagini). Jacob and Queenie (Dan Fogler and Alison Sudol) also show up again, because they were in the first movie too so they have to be here for this. Jacob’s memory has been restored because...~handwavey reasons~ and Queenie decides to join The Mayonnaise Man’s cause as a wizard Nazi because...she wants to marry a Muggle. Somehow I think she didn’t read the whole orientation flyer. Leta Lestrange (Zoe Kravitz) is engaged to Newt’s brother, Theseus (Callum Turner) but is mostly hanging around to look sad and reveal that Credence couldn’t be her long-lost brother because she killed her long-lost brother by switching him with another baby on a ship right before it sank at sea. And she’s right, Credence isn’t her brother - he’s gone over to the dark side, where the vaguely human amalgamation of cauliflower rice tells him he’s the long-lost brother of Albus Dumbledore! Because why the fuck not, nothing else in this goddamn thing makes any sense anyway.

I would also like to point out I left out at least 40 more characters, many of whom seem to be important but are never named or introduced in any way.

SEVERAL thoughts:

Visually, this world is stunning. The set designers have done an incredible job showcasing new magical settings in rich, vivid detail. The Parisian street circus and the French Ministry of Magic building were particular favorites of mine.

Likewise, the 1927-era costumes are drop-dead gorgeous. This franchise should really be called Fantastic Coats and Where to Find Them.

50 galleons seems so steep. I wonder what the wizarding inflation rate is.

Snakes can fit through bars of cages...

Performances - Redmayne is sweet, but virtually shoved out of the way in his own franchise; Kravitz is cold and removed - is that acting choice secret pain or constipation? Hard to say; Fogler is underutilized, especially after being the emotional MVP of the first film; Sudol is fractured and manic, completely devoid of her earnest warmth from before; Miller barely gets 3 lines, and mostly looks like he’s about to cry; Law is fine as hell and kindly and wise and doesn’t give off weird “I’m going to use children as sacrificial lambs without telling them or anyone else about it” vibes, so that’s already a big step up from the Dumbledore we get in the books; and then there’s Johnny. Johnny “lightly braised tofu” Depp is giving one of his most understated performances in years, to the point that he’s almost...boring? Most genocidal fuckheads are at least compelling speakers, but this dehydrated turnip just sort of glides about, while his followers do dastardly things for him. He doesn’t even kill his own toddlers, he outsources it to his followers. Does nobody believe in honest, hard work anymore? 

Basically all of the details - the set dressing, the costumes, the overall aesthetics and feel of the film - are beautifully realized. However, the foundation is made of smoke and sand and the distant sound of JKR’s maniacal laughter.

Cast and endorse an accused abuser who is teetering on the brink of public collapse? Check. Include outdated Orientalism cliches by casting an East Asian woman as mysterious, dangerous, and literally snake-like? Check. How about a white imperialist Imperius-ing Leta Lestrange's (black African) mother and literally forcing her into sex slavery with no follow-up or reflection on the part of the film or its characters? Check. It’s like some sort of perverse bingo game she’s playing to try to alienate everyone who might have seen themselves in the Harry Potter universe as belonging, because they understood what it was like to be an outsider, to be abused, to be shunned and made fun of and ostracized. Cause fuck all those people, amirite?

And that’s just the offensive choices from a purely political standpoint. How about the offensive choices regarding more trivial matters like linear time and space - like Dumbledore teaching Transfiguration, not DAtDA. Or like Professor MacGonagall being born in 1935, yet somehow teaching at Hogwarts in 1927. People apparating inside Hogwarts. Complete reversals of characters’ personalities and motivations. Characters being introduced and never seen again (where did Bunty go?? Did she die???) Characters NOT being introduced and never seen again (what up Jessica Williams, super psyched that you’re here, sure would be neat if I knew who the fuck you were playing or why that person was important!) If the references are meant for fans’ benefit, it fucking BACKFIRED, because most HP fans I know aren’t looking for a convoluted soap opera where babies are switched, people have secret brothers, everyone's amnesia gets reversed, and people come back from the dead.

Now that I think about it, the practice of confronting a boggart is super problematic. Like people have traumas. It's not all spiders and snakes, Dumbledore! God, Hogwarts pedagogy is shit.

I’m still not convinced that Jude Law’s tasty Daddy Dumbledore could possibly still be in love with this tuna salad sandwich from a vending machine at the DMV. That flashback in the Mirror of Erised is supposed to be full of longing but all I could think was, “is this how straight people think gay sex works?” Would have loved to hear that day in the writer’s room. “Maybe we could have them kiss?” “Too gay. What if they exchange blood vows and hold hands to form a magical amulet?” “Nailed it.” *everyone high fives and chugs a Red Bull* 

There’s just...so much. So much that I wish were different. I don’t quite know how it’s possible for a film to explain both too much and not enough, but here we are. The Crimes of Grindlewald isn’t just a title, it’s a prophecy of what audiences are forced to endure here - it’s not just separating art from artist, it’s not just cultural exploitation and othering, it’s not just queer erasure, it’s not just overplotted and underwhelming narrative, it’s not just cheap shocks and winking references. The rap sheet just keeps getting longer and longer, and I have to wonder when, if ever, Rowling will atone for these crimes.