#she's not going to be turned...hopefully
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I've seen the headcanon that Lucanis' mother, Caterina's perfect heir, was actually similar to Illario in some ways. That she was calculating, ruthless, ambitious, obedient... all the things Caterina overlooks in Illario because Caterina sees her favourite daughter's deep brown eyes and quiet, controlled demeanor and careful planning in Lucanis.
But I am also attached to the idea that the opposite is true too. That Illario's mother shared similarities with Lucanis; that she was empathetic and stubborn, with a slight rebellious streak. But she was always outgoing and charming, was more impulsive with her emotions, and was always sharper with her tongue than with a sword, so Caterina only sees her in Illario.
I just love the idea that Caterina can't look beyond the surface and see who her grandsons really are because on some level she can't see past the ghosts reflected in their eyes. She can't see that the quiet brown eyed boy is is more of the gentle hearted rebel, and the one with blue eyes and a shining, fake smile is the ruthless leader who would do anything she asked.
#Illario Dellamorte#Lucanis Dellamorte#veilguard spoilers#I wish we knew anything about their families#Illario's name means happy. You could (and I choose to) read that as meaning his parents' main wish for him was happiness.#What does that say about them as people?#What does it mean that a Dellamorte once looked at their newborn and their only thought was 'I hope he's happy'#I have been thinking about the Dellamortes all morning at work#Lucanis' mother the favourite child the quiet one who learned to turn off her emotions and would do anything to keep her status as favourit#Vs loud emotional Illario's mother the less favourite because she was rebellious and stubborn and tried to be her own person#(as much as she could)#(Also imagining Lucanis' mother sneaking into her younger sister's room at night after she's punished and tending to her#the way Lucanis and Illario will do years later)#I like the idea of Illario's mother being a bit of a rebel because I think a lot of people look at Illario and think disobedient rebel#despite the fact that I think objectively Illario is the more obedient one#he has disobedient rebel energy but in canon he's a follower who doesn't even consider breaking the rules unless it's Lucanis' idea#(until he has Lucanis killed but you could argue even that is him following Crow rules it's just him being who Caterina raised him to be)#I really want to know what's up with their families though. Lucanis is the horse Caterina is betting on. Lucanis' mother was the first of#her children to die. What makes her so sure Lucanis is the best option? Is it just that Lucanis is less like her and she knows she failed?#Is there something about Illario that makes her see him an ineligible? I want to interview her.#anyways I have to go back to work now hopefully this all makes sense I don't have time to proofread anything oops this is how much I ramble#when I don't have the time to go back and edit it down and take out all my irrelevant thoughts
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tell me that I still have stars in my eyes
(jashzine art! read under cut to find link to twt post :3)
EYYYYYYYY JASHZINE IS OUT BAHBAY THAT'S RIGHT. HOLY FUCKING JASHBALLS. I'LL LINK IT WHEN I FIND THE POST FOR IT ON HERE BUT UNTIL THEN HERE'S THE TWITTER POST yyyeeeeEEEEAHHHHHHH CHAT WOOOOOOO
in all seriousness I feel so honoured to be featured alongside some really, REALLY TALENTED PEOPLE. LIKE HOLY BALLS. MY ART DOESN'T NEARLY COMPARE TO . EVERYONE ELSE'S DUDE LIKE. OUGHHHHHHHH FUCK EVERYONE'S SO FUCKIN TALENTED AND TOTALLY TUBULAR I CAN'T. honestly I shouldn't be here, think I walked into the wrong building. I suck balls this art fucking. I fucking loathe this piece anyways here's the progress
(^^^^ alt colour version. should've gone with this everypony we were ROBBED it fits the song more. Aughhhhhh)
and before you get on my ass for his body type being so fucking wrong here's a doodle I did around the time I was working on this with a more correct body type. I unironically think it's better (plus you get closeup on face)
again, please check out the jashzine, AND FOLLOW !!! FOLLOW THE ARTISTS !!!! WHO DID THE ART !!!!!! PLEASE THEY'RE SO SO SO SO COOL AND TALENTED OH MY GOD PLEASSSEEEEEEEE thanks for reading this btw comment "teapot" down below if you reached this point in the video hhahah fucking . kill me
#...kinito for scale#chonny jash#cj cid#cj covered in discontent#(that's not a tag yet? weird)#chonny jash fanart#chonny jash art#aughhhhhhh fuck when i say i don't like this art. i really don't#it was a struggle to work on. i . aughh#learned some new techniques thoug so that's nice#ignore that my composition has been the exact fucking same for the past few posts. gonna change that reeeeeal fucking soon#you were robbed though originally i was going to do alone with my thoughts with cool space. stuff#but since there's LITERALLY NO FANART FOR. FOR FUCKING SHE ONLY LOVES ME WHEN I'M THERE#ONE. THERE'S ONE. NOW THERE'S TWO.#THE BEST (subjective) SONG IN CID. I FCUKIGN LOEV IT SO MUCH TWAS A CRIME TO . NOT. USE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY#hopefully the alone with my thoughts art gets turned into something one day. i actually would like to draw it#have a great day y'all. I'm going to fuckin. gonna go do my homework good day guys go support the artists who took a part in this
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so back in april i had the idea to draw ace attorney characters as if they were in fantasy life (so essentially combining two of my favorite games) but only finished phoenix then. tonight i finished up the page with some more, and since we know what the new lives in fantasy life i will be, i got the excuse to include vera as an artist :))
id under cut
[image ID: 5 digital drawings of some ace attorney characters drawn in the fantasy life art style, which is a very expressive, stylized chibi style. they are drawn in the outfits for different lives as if they were in fantasy life. in the top left, phoenix wright is drawn as a paladin, with text next to his head that says "Phoenix Paladin". he is wearing silver armor with gold trim, the trim forming a 'P' on his chest. the 'P' has a red gemstone in the center of it. his shoulder guards also have red gems on them. he has a long blue cape fluttering behind him, as he stands confidently, holding a sword in his left hand and holding up a shield with his right. the sword and shield are also silver with gold and red accents like his armor. next to phoenix, in the top middle, apollo justice is drawn as a blacksmith. he has text next to his head that reads "Apollo Blacksmith". he is wearing a teal apron on top of a white shirt and pants. his sleeves are rolled up, and he has a red piece of fabric tied around his waist. he is wiping sweat off his forehead with his right hand, and holding a hammer in his left. next to apollo on the top right, is vera misham. she is drawn as an artist, with text next to her head that reads "Vera Artist" she is wearing a pink beret that resembles her bandana, and has a paint brush with pink paint on the very top. she is holding her sketchbook in her right hand, and a paint brush in her left. she is wearing brown gloves that are stained with various colors of paint. she is wearing a pink dress with a darker pink collar and bow, and the skirt of the dress has a darker pink line going horizontally across it. she has a white apron tied around her waist that is also stained with various colors of paint. she is wearing brown sandals. on the bottom left of the drawing is trucy wright drawn as a wizard, with text next to her head that reads "Trucy Wizard". she is in an excited pose, running while holding her staff, a tall wand with a glittering green gem on top. she is wearing a light blue pointy witch hat with a white ribbon wrapped around it. the inside of her hat is pink. she is wearing a medium length black dress with a white belt, and she is wearing pointy white shoes. she is wearing a light blue cloak, with the hood on her shoulders, that has her green diamond brooch hanging where the ends of her hood meet. her cloak is fluttering behind her and trimmed with white and gold, the insides if her sleeves being pink. on the bottom right of the image, ema skye is drawn as an alchemist, with text next to her head that reads "Ema Alchemist". she is wearing gold goggles with pink lenses, and her hair is drawn more poofy than usual. she is wearing a white coat over a light green dress. she has a pink tie loosely around her neck, and she is wearing a darker green corset with gold buttons. her shoes are plain black. she is holding a potion bottle filled with a yellow liquid in her right hand, and is looking at it calmly, with the left hand in her white coat's pocket. end ID].
#my art#ace attorney#fantasy life#fantasy life 3ds#phoenix wright#apollo justice#trucy wright#ema skye#vera misham#i tried my best to replicate the fl art style so hopefully that comes across to the like. 2 people that recognize it VBDBDND#i think phoenix and vera turned out the best but i also like ema too.. shes very shaped :3#kinda glad it took me so long to finish this bc otherwise i probably wouldve drawn vera as a tailor but. theres an artist life now#also accidentally discarded this post the first time i typed it up but thankfully i had the image id copied so i didnt lose all of that text#i think i wouldve lost it if i had to type all that again but alls well that ends well i supposr#also gave me the opportunity to go back and color in apollos hammer bc i forgot the first time and. since the post was gone#i might as well fix it#anyways i had a bit of autism moment while drawing vera but im normal now. maybe#2023
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⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ 𝐓𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐔𝐒𝐓.
゛star-crossed lovers. they, who shall defy the stars ⸝⸝.ᐟ⋆
“love can be just as fickle as fate itself my child. but some day, you may very well come across a wrinkle amongst this finely woven tapestry that is your fate. it won’t be something you notice at first, and you will simply carry on with your days as usual — perhaps they’ll feel a little brighter. the moon always does appear more luminous when it’s accompanied by the stars after all. but when you do take notice of that wrinkle, that loose thread, i wonder … will you sever it as though it were nothing but a flaw in the fate’s design? or will you unthread your tapestry and weave a new one from that single thread?”
ah … i think i finally understand what you meant by those words now, master. to be honest.. i was scared. fate has never been a kind friend to me and so out of fear, i wanted to sever it—sever this. but now that i’m standing here in his arms, melting from this kiss and how it deepens ever so slightly, not with urgency but reverence, each soft press of his lips a whispered oath … i won’t just weave us a new tapestry, i’ll weave our entire future together.
i can no longer imagine a world in which this precious star of mine burns out. i love him — unbearably and so very, very tenderly.
🎨 →⠀﹐⠀╱⠀that wonderful illustration you see above there was created by the lovely artist Pengu1nHero on vgen!! aaaa honestly they equally surprised me with informing me these piece was finished🥹staring at it has me kicking and giggling my feet along with making my heart flutter ?? TYSM ONCE AGAIN TO THE ARTIST GO CHECK THEM OUT AND SUPPORT <3
#`✧. 𝓣𝐔𝐍𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐔𝐒𝐓. ╱ ❛ amethyst dreamt.#divider creds: strangergraphics !!#06/06/2024 ♡#SURPRISE !! HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO THE STAR-CROSSED LOVERS 🤍💫#uwaaaa.. honestly there’s so much i want to say🥹one year ago this little troublesome star boy wandered his way unexpectedly into my life ..#and has not left since ( everyone who remembers the sethos incident will take my word on this LMAO )#it’s hard to believe a year has past since his release already 0.0 just a few months ago i was reeling over the fact we ..#were finally getting his official birthday art soon and now here we are with amethos’ one year anni#the moment i received the art i instantly found that boost of inspiration and motivation i feared not having for this day hehe ..#AND IM SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LOVE HOW THIS SMALL BLURB TURNED OUT <3#to give a bit of context ;; the person speaking at the beginning is andersdotter! a mage of the hexenzirkel who was amélie’s master ..#growing up and was a conversation they both had in the past when she was much younger than now mostly around her early teen years#i love talking about fate when it comes to genshin because it has such a unique take on it but also .. i love amethos as star-crossed lover#following that quote is of course amé speaking ! all of this is but a small peek into not only their first kiss but also their confession .#which as i mentioned in their selfship chart was a very stressful moment for them going from a fight to the confession ultimately in the en#gosh.. the way he’s holding her .. I LOVE IT WHEN THEY DO THE GRABBING THEIR CHIN/NECK THING DURING KISSES ..#IT MAKES ME SO UNWELL AND GIDDY >///< yet when it comes to describing a kiss in writing i struggle ;-;#hopefully that isn’t noticeable in this case i tried chat 💔#also major thank you to ayame for helping me come up with a title for all this! <3#raising my glass to these two lovers .. here’s to many more joyful years to come for them 💕#proposal art next year chat? /j … maybe ?👀#REWRITE THE STARS IS SO AMETHOS CODED BTW UEUEUEUE🥹
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☆ de fontaine
{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k
This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!
She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.
She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.
Furina is tired.
But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?
So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.
Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.
Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.
An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.
She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.
She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.
She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.
And Furina has always been good at lying.
It's the believing that's the hard part.
There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?
Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.
She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?
She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.
Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?
Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.
Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?
They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?
"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"
Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.
Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.
Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.
Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.
"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.
But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.
They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.
She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.
If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..
Furina will make sure they do.
#sagau#genshin sagau#self aware genshin#genshin impact sagau#self aware genshin impact#genshin cult au#genshin impact cult au#fic tag#furina#so um. looks around. okay look. i know im like THE ts@r1ts@ dealer (censored so it doesnt show in tags. hopefully)#but the moment i saw furi in fontaine the day it released she became my fav even more then the tsaritsa SORRY SHES SO..#this is my love letter 2 furi (making her suffer unimaginable horrors)#open ended kinda in case i decide on making a sequel maybe#furi makes me feel cuteness aggression so bad i start acting like a rabid animal#furina the woman that you are. thats my girlprince meow meow id kill someone for her#playing her part as archon so well but being so horribly irrefutably human in every way..#five hundred years not even knowing what the real plan was. when it would end. knowing if she slipped up it was over.#and in the end almost no one knew what really happened. a select few people know the real weight of her sacrifice.#furina's story was always a tragedy. it was never going to be anything but a tragedy.#and thats one of the most tragic parts of it isnt it? she didnt know how itd end. she didnt know her story was always going to be a tragedy#furina never knew a thing. and still she did it for the people of fontaine and succeeded.#how do you define “yourself” when you havent existed for 500 years?#to be so selflessly human you give up “yourself” to save people who will never know of your sacrifice.#sometimes i think about the confrontation on the stage and have a week long mental breakdown#sacrificing EVERYTHING for fontaine and still. still! the people closest to you turn on you.#heavy on clorinde. she was as close 2 furi as neuvi fight me on this. i bite.#her bodyguard and friend and she ends up staring down her blade wondering if this is it. she failed. she failed them all#because even when faced with the trial. with losing everything. she still thought only about fontaine. oh furina.#do you think she has nightmares. wonders if she was never meant to win this game of g-ds. that her story was always meant to be a tragedy?#do you think she still wonders if she was ever meant to have a chance at a happy ending? a doomed tragedy from beginning to end
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a kiss from you to me.
#gpose#ffxiv screenshots#nsftuna#heyyyyy what's going on here 🧐#will tumblr nuke this? we're going to find out#it was kiss day on friday and I was like you know...... tuna deserves a Real One#hopefully this doesn't look gross or cringe with the tongue action LOL I can't tell anymore#queue time#but on a serious note she's never been kissed before [TECHNICALLY] because of [au ra couple headcanon] and [horns literally prevent kissing#them being damaged after EW is meant to be a turning point in a lot of ways-- but it's also because fuck you those things get in the way#anyway she should be kissed and often and by someone who knows how etc etc etc
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Oh, come on! He looks fine!
you don't know how much these two gripped my brain when I was younger. god I wish the comics had continued just so I could've seen how they cooked with Lalinde. not just her relationship with Light but just how fucking cool she almost was.
Original Panel:

#moom makes bullshit#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#mega man#dr. light#dr. lalinde#lalindight#redraw#dr. cossack mention too because she's scolding cossack#WE LOVE A WOMAN WHO APPRECIATES HER HUSBAND FOR BEING FAT AND HAIRY#WE ALSO JUST LOVE A WOMAN IN THIS HOUSEHOLD#FEMINISM OR WHAT HAVE YOU‼️#real talk Lalinde was so cool. she was so cool.#I ESPECIALLY loved her dynamic with Blues.#she got him to slow down and think for once about the grand scheme of things and it hit him right where he felt it.#had she been given more time as a character she would've SLAPPED.#I mean what do you mean right from the get go we get her being afraid to get attached to her robots after her daughter fucking DIED#RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER#so she shut said daughter's emotions off and traumatised them both#grief is a powerful thing and such#and then we had her trying better and turning parallel to blues#god I love Dr. Lalinde. hopefully they bring her back for SOMETHING considering she's not lost to copyright she's just character vaulted#I'd love to see how she fares with Wily considering what little she knows of him seems to be pretty bitter#let her start throwing rocks at the old bastard
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uhh another modern au agott follow-up. They've gotten progressively sillier
#witch hat tag#orufrey#hopefully you remember where she's at. the original one about her turmoils with art was so sincere....#but this is sincere too. being a 12 year old autistic lesbian is one of the most stupid things to experience. Like what is happening.#Yeah OK maybe i'm a wee lesbo. but i'm focusing on my CAREER rn so idc about that. SO i'm very upset that other ppl are not FOCUSING!!!!#A-AND FYI MY TEACHER HE CARRIES AROUND A GIRLY LIL PURSE!!! SO THERE!!!! Why are they walking away#agott helps me have to decide how to draw expressions i have never drawn before.#i actually realised looking at the concept art book stuff more carefully that coco is canonically 14? Ok....#it's a little too cruel if theyre dealing with periods on top of saving witch society from its foibles..but ok.. i do feel that riche is 12#also coco's hair is going to turn dark green when she's an adult or something. it's 'blonder' now due to being a kid🤔#abba is bc after a big long modern au orufrey comic where they got together i just strongly felt that they slowdanced to abba that day#feeling the mirth and hope of life and 'young and sweet only 17' why didnt we get together sooner but its ok like this & i love you dearly.#teen qif secretly listening to abba heartache songs after olly's caretaker drives him away..in that faded neopets hoodie.#it became 'their music' their silly little music.. right up there with the faerie bubbles theme.. (<- frustrating neopets minigame.)
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#severance#seth milchik#hellyna#helena eagan#helly r.#//#sine's edits#the way he thought babysitting her would be easy and she turned out to be the biggest brat of them all#the way her rebellion rubbed off on the others making his job extra hard only to get inane complaints in return#but also the way he's the only one who gets it--who tries to treat the innies with some empathy. the way he gives#sympathetic looks at helena during season 2.#i can't wait for him to completely snap and for hellyna to learn more from each other and hopefully unionize#although for helena it's harder. she's a prisoner there but she's also not gonna go against her company. so where does that leave#her and her alter ego?
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One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps
#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon#And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do#The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational#Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments#Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo”#Basically implying he might be dead in a year#AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was#And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went .#Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon#I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him#I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that#I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed#So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects#And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today#I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too#p
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I'M KILLING MYSELF I JUST FUMBLED A CONVERSTION SO HARD
#AAAAAAAAGDSHDGHSUS#crying and sobbing on the ground#WHY AM I LIKE THIS#okay okay so#i was going to the band hall to drop off my stuff#and there was this girl outside the door#she had pink hair with a coon tail#and a beanie and her clothes were so so so cool#and i looked away from her bc i didn't want to stare#but it turns out she was actually talking to me#it took me a good few seconds to realize#and then when i turned off my music#i got hit with the “is that blaze the cat from sonic?”#and AAAAGSHAGDGAGD#oh my GOD#i've been bringing my blaze plushie to school recently bc she deserves to be here#in my shock and awe i eloquently responded with “I- um- yes.”#and then she said her favorite was shadow#and i was trying so hard to think of something to say#but i just said “yes thats great!”#WHAT???#and then i saw some stickers on her id holder#and like the very socially apt person i am i immediately changed topics and said “oh um i love your kagame rin and len stickers”#and she paused because WHO DOES THAT and she said she got them from a machine#and then i nodded and skeddadled away into the band hall#urgahdgshd WHY#conversation FAILED#i'm still so embarrassed#she waved at me when i came back out of the band hall tho.......#so hopefully it wasnt that bad??
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Drawin'
#dorf's art#aesthetic#digital art#bunny#bunnies#oc#thedorfmirrin#my sona#furaona#secondary fursona#cloudy (thedorfmirrin)#im having a healthscare rn (might be a bad hernia) and the state of the world got me shaken up im so scared and not doing well#trying to hold it together ...#my bday is later this month btw.... the 22..#my darling bae got me some gifts bc she is the sweetest inthe world#i also! managed to save up and buy a rlly cheap new desktop on early black friday sale! hopefully it will work better than my laptop 🤞🤞#also this fursona is literally the closest to irl me of any of the others somehow i love it so dearly#its so special to me..#** i mean the its nov 22nd im not turning 22 im going to be 26 i think#fat art
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The deleted scene was too hot to be deleted. Do you think Azriel's mind would still wander to Mor, to Elain, to every female his mind has convinced him is a damsel after he finds his mate?
I loved that scene, and writing it really made a lot of why azriel is Like That click in my head
Azriel (in my head) is like culprit number 1 for benign sexism and white knighting - he has such a chip on his shoulder about the treatment of women because of his mother, and he needs to justify all the torture and spying and violence as ~protecting his loved ones~. This imo is the perfect recipe for putting women on a pedestal and absolutely idealising how Good and Kind they are (this is probably exacerbated by a religion centred around a mothering figure). He wants to be a protector and take on the burden of violence sosososo bad.
Aisling kind of inverts this for him, by pointing out that he’s not a protector, he’s complicit in doing to her everything he hated that was done to him. Rather than self-reflect, Azriel does mental backflips and spirals out into a Madonna/whore complex (elain and mor are good, but aisling is completely different and therefore deserving of her treatment). If he found his mate, I think this sort of thinking would extend to encompass her - she’s his new pedestal, she’s the new benchmark for the divine feminine and everything good in his world, all the other women he thought of before were false, and they actually don’t compare at all to his One True Love
I don’t think he’d think of them as sexually desirable after that, but he does think of women as vehicles for male agency, so they’d be in his thoughts in that sense: elain would be Tainted by lucien, aisling he’s already thinking of as an extension of eris and symbolic of his political influence/everything bad about him, and mor… who knows what his beautiful mind will do with the information that she’s bisexual or gay.
#I do still think he thinks of them getting fucked though bc he’s a freak who views sex as an act of power#and he has a one-sided blood feud with the Vanserras (they aren’t aware there’s beef)#all this to say I don’t envy his mate (Gwyn…. you deserve better lmao)#he’s gonna put her on a pedestal and god forbid she’s an actual human being because that image of her is going to shatter into 10000 pieces#or hopefully it will make him reflect on himself and that he can be flawed but still loveable just like she is flawed but still loveable#at least this is the direction I suspect sjm will take with it#thank you for this ask!!!! I LOVED that deleted scene and I loved this question#I always love talking about my fave little delulu freaky man#by turns ask
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listen heres what ill say about eito is that he does have a lot of superficial things common with nagito however i believe its more like batesian mimickry than anything else. not to say eito could not do his own insane gay bullshit but hes really not like nagito at all from first blush to me, even before you get the lay of the land w/ nagito its still clear hes got a deep obsession with something. eito has a darkness brewing within him just like any other character and has fascinating traits so far that just do not line up with nagito beyond very surface level stuff.
you know what hundred line character has dr rival-coding through metacommentary, a strange self-sacrificial or irreverant to their own safety worldview from the getgo? who melds both approachability and extreme unapproachability? like nagito and ouma? my friend darumi.
#last defense academy#shes going to win#i could say basically the same things about ima wrt kokichi comparisons but we dont know much abt him yet other than his stated goals#do like the general take hes got a pretty derivative vibe to him rn#but hopefully like some other characters thats gonna get turned around#im going to make women Win this time i wast able to with shinigami#hndr
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tearing up for my grandma rn
#if youve been following me youd know i have a messed up relationship with her#i kinda love her but i feel like she doesnt even care if i live or die etc so i just stay out of everyones way#but like. my baby nephew is turning two years old and my brother is still thinking about inviting our grandma#the thing is that if he invites her he is also inviting our dumbshit leech uncle and their kids#they dont bring gifts. dont help set up anything. eat everything. and overall makes us all miserable with their presence#i kind of understand not wanting to host assholes in ur house but also#grandma is sending me to their house with gifts for everyone and its clear she feels bad for not being invited#my younger older brother (not the one with the son) also got engaged recently and didnt tell her#that i understand cuz he also lived with her and was subjected to the same third class citizen treatment#and my mom (grandmas daughter) told me 'as soon as you move out ill stop going to that house'#idk man she kinda brought it on herself but i still feel bad#hopefully older older brother changes his mind but im not gunna push him
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My best friends comin in town for my birthday tomorrow im so excited :)
#hopefully she doesn’t cause a house fire again#(you can NOT turn that hoe into a housewife)#(I love her dearly)#also we’re gonna go see machine girl >:)#i….. don’t listen to them BUT it’ll be fun!!!#samaras yapping
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