#shes religious in a way where she doesn't want to have sex before marriage and i respect that and dont find it weird bc im also muslim so

[mainfaggot]

it's so hard to be a lesbian in this household

[weebsinstash]

*me, a poor peasant child holding up my plate.*

Please sire, may I have some more platonic yandere Lucifer and Charlie? 🥺

Of course, starving Victorian child! (Also you just said platonic but I wound up writing this as like, mostly family platonic yandere so idk if that's a distinct difference to you but, here ya go!)

-- I feel like these two would really kinda infantilize you, specifically when it comes to violence, drugs, alcohol, and sex. You know how Charlie is clearly an adult woman but it could not be anymore clear that she's still really sheltered and naive, almost like a kid would be? Like the skit she had Pentious and Angel do literally brought up like, no sex before marriage as a sign of being a good person... did her dad ACTUALLY raise her with vaguely traditional/religious values. That's the kinda thing they start enforcing on you. Oh, you're dressed so cute! where are you going? gasp! A bar??? But that's soooo .... risky!! You're young, and, you're just so nice, and... why don't you stay home and play board games with the Morningstars instead?

You're over here, "can I PLEASE smoke some fucking weed" and Lucifer would deadass with his full chest, "no, none of the Devil's lettuce for MY baby! Those other Sinners can run around with their crack and their whippets and their absinthe but MY CHILD is better than that"

-- platonic yandere Charlie and Lucifer passing the single brain cell they share back and forth, "Dad, they bought some new clothes and I thought it was gonna be for that outing we're taking later this week but they put it on and left the Hotel and went somewhere else!! Who else would they dress up for? Do you think they have a secret second family and they actually hate us? 🥺" "Charlie, do you have any idea how... totally possible that is, oh golly, we've gotta follow them and make amends so they come home!!" and you're just like.... having coffee with a new friend

You're at a cafe looking cute and Lucifer and Charlie are having a stakeout in the fucking bushes nearby or some shit, Lucifer grinding his teeth trying to guess who this piece of shit trying to take his baby away is, growling how hes gonna rip them apart, like who the actual fuck does this person think they are, and Charlie is like, trying to be a little more level headed "haha cmon Dad they would never replace us :)" but then the second she looks over and sees this other person is exchanging too many meaningful glances at you and making you laugh, her switch flips. "Actually yeah Dad you know what you were totally right, they're obviously a creep trying to hurt Readsr and we should kill this guy :)"

--Charlie has no problem with you hanging out with Alastor but I like the idea that she can suddenly see right through him when it's YOU he's doing stuff to. He can be on his whole "oh just call me dad" shit to her and it'd give her the warm fuzzies, but the second she sees Alastor going out of his way to come up and interact with you in front of her father, she knows he's trying to rile her dad up and may even tell him he needs to wait his turn and interact with you later. Lucifer meanwhile all but wants to bite the cannibal like a rabid dog for coming near you and treats him like Al's the evil villain trying to take away his little royal heir. He has no idea what that yellow toothed black gum cretin wants to do to his baby!

-- I can just see arguing with Lucifer, "why can't I date? Charlie gets to date!!" and Lucifer's just like trying to bullshit an excuse for why he just doesn't want you dating because, you're his widdle baby and he isn't ready to see you act adult yet :( the only man you should be kissing is your short father on the cheek! Lucifer is VERY MUCH "I am the only supportive guardian figure you need in your life" kinda yandere dad, if you go to anyone else for help before him he's taking it as a personal slight against him and vows to show up that other person so you never "choose them over him" ever again

-- obviously I'm so fucking biased but. Lucifer with Daughter Reader is obviously just him being your tiny guard dog all the time like, he is so soft, he is such a girl dad. No men talking to either of his baby girls!! No touching his little princesses!!! You'll be out in fucking public as a grown ass woman and Lucifer would still be like, "oh, there's a lot of people here, here sweetie, hold my hand so you don't get lost", marching around holding your hand as the most powerful Anti Rizz Shield in all of Hell, he has no shame, this man is fucking Mayes Hughes whipping out his wallet, "wanna see photos of my girls?!?!?!? Here's one of them in matching dresses, here's one from the musical we went to last week, and here- gosh arent they just the cutest ☺️❤️"

like if you ever wander into another ring like Gluttony by accident, Bee is buzzing up to you, "oh my gosh, it's Luci's little pup, sweetie you're not supposed to be down here, let me get you back upstairs, your pops is FREAKING!!" and talking to you like she already knows you like a friend because Lucifer is showing your photos to ALL his demon friends at every like, Rulers of Hell meeting. Lucifer is over here beaming with pride as Stolas looks over his special I Love My Daughters Photo Album and nodding his head, "perhaps we can arrange some playtime with your girls and my Via, let them all get to know each other" and it's like Lucifer can you PLEASE stop recruiting other all powerful almighty demons into the Let's All Be Platonic In A Creepy Overprotective Way Club. You just turn around one day and like half the Overlords and a few of the Cardinal Sins are all vying for your attention and you're like a celebrity and it's cause your dumb duck dad is blabbing his mouth showing your picture to anyone with eyes

-- you know how Sinner Demons come in all these different sizes and shapes, with fur and wings and, bugs and dinosaurs, fish and object heads? What if Lucifer has the power to alter your demonic form? One day you turn around and you're no longer whatever multi armed fuzzy creature you once were, but you're now... human again. Or at least, human like. You've got your old face again, your old skin tone, but, you've got horns that look suspiciously like your friend and her father's, a retractable tail with a heart on it like theirs, maybe even those like, kinda weird rosy cheek things. And it's because Lucifer and Charlie have decided, well, they don't care what you look like regardless, but now, don't you actually look like a member of the family? Now everyone can tell when you're together! ^^

Like it's kinda sweet but the adjacent horror of Lucifer "oh yeah I completely changed the shape and appearance of your body to more resemble me and my daughter so you look like you're ACTUALLY our family :)" like can you imagine him pulling this kind of shit when you're like not even that kind of close yet. Basically kidnapping you into the Morningstar family tree and actually making you look like them to the point other people can spot you and instantly know to steer clear. Maybe you even get a little special outfit of your own,your own little suit and bow tie with an apple or snake on it somewhere

-- you know how sometimes you just want to be alone? You just like space? You just like not knowing you're being watched or having to share your space with anyone else, you can just breathe? It's not about hating someone else or other people, it's just like... wanting to be the master of your own space for a while?

Foreign fucking concept to these two. Your activities become THEIR activities. Oh cool you're 6 episodes deep into an anime? Here's Charlie and Lucifer, "oooo what are we watching?" "Oh she's really pretty, what's her name, is she the main character?" "That lady sure isn't wearing a lot of clothes, I don't know if this is appropriate for you to watch" "oooo oooo pause it, I'll go make popcorn, dont start it again without me!"

Don't get me wrong I can see this being adorable, you're just like adhd autism infodumping and catching them all upon who everyone is and all the stuff that's happened and "I can restart it from the beginning and we can watch it together?" And they're eagerly hanging off of your every word based on how interested and excited you are about the subject, for whatever hobby or show you're indulging in

BUT I can see this turning into them intruding on everything you do and when you finally do try and say "hey I'd like a little space" that turns into a DISCUSSION. wait why don't you want to spend time with them? Are you sad? Did they do something wrong? Tell them exactly what you're thinking, OBVIOUSLY the correct action ISNT to just give you the space, CLEARLY this is an emergency needing investigation!! Like God forbid you tell them a lie to sneak off and hang out with someone else because THEN it's "who is this clearly abusive evil person telling our precious Reader to lie to us? The altar calls for their blood"

--SINGING!!! These two sing all the time (Charlie sings the most as the Not Depressed Morningstar) and they teach you too! They'll encourage you to join into song, and even just do those little songs you and I do when we're doing small tasks. You'll catch them in the kitchen, "washing the dishes, washing the plates, put them away and have a wonderful day ^^" and they'll try and rope you into singing until eventually you're expected to belt out musical numbers with them like anyone else in this show (bonus points for your first musical song being some sort of rebellious rock ballad about wanting to run away from them because they make you feel controlled or something)

-- mandatory family trips to Lu Lu World! You are NOT going home until you play all sorts of games and eat all sorts of carnival food and are struggling to walk home carrying your giant stuffed duck. God, really missing my childhood going to Six Flags before capitalism ruined amusement parks...

-- "cringe" does not exist in this family and they wont make you feel bad for liking something unless it's like ACTUALLY HARMFUL (like getting drunk and high). You cannot tell me these two do not already have fursonas and they'll geek out on the couch watching cartoons and playing video games with you. You're eating candy watching Naruto and playing LEGO Batman and playing dice games and they're loving every second (Reader why did you have to hit that Nat 20 roll on the "Getting Adopted By The Morningstars" quest, now they're never leaving you alone bro, bro i think youre gonna have to murderhobo your way outta this bro--)

-- I feeeeeeeeeel like. Lucifer if he concentrates really really hard would be able to tell where you are at all times because, Hell is HIS house. He um. He literally has pocket dimension "make shit appear out of nowhere" powers, so like... do you think he can feel all the souls in Hell? Do you think he would be able to concentrate and be like, "oh I can tell Reader is in that direction and is feeling really happy right now"

I just... I picture Reader having a really awful fight where you yell and scream at Lucifer and you can tell you actually really hurt his feelings, maybe even making him tear up, which would then make Charlie really upset with you, and then you're running off because you feel like you can't stay there anymore, and you're wandering the streets, lost, hungry, starting to get cold, wishing you could go back and apologize but feeling like they would never take you back, and, of course, the age old trope, you get cornered by some robbers or some potential attackers and they start beating you around and, all you can think is how ungrateful you were, that you wanted to apologize to Charlie and Lucifer but they probably hated you now, it's too late, it's... it's...

You don't know if it'll work, but you're about to be hurt really badly and you're genuinely scared and missing them and, you just clasp your hands and say a prayer, calling out to Lucifer, but you're like... literally saying it like... you're manically whispering and whimpering not knowing what the fuck you're supposed to say or if something like this would even work, "O Dark Lord Lucifer please hear my plea for your aid and-- no fuck it, come help me DAD I'm really really SCARED DAD THEYRE GONNA HURT ME COME ON DAD PLEASE DAD I'M SORRY, WHAT I SAID WAS WRONG, DAD PLEASE-" and he's there like, before you're even done speaking. You're still covering your head and whimpering and crying and you just hear, "It's OK now" and he's standing over you with bloodied fists and the attackers all crumpled on the ground and he's picking you up like it's nothing to take you back home.

-- lastly, I feel like there's few boundaries on nudity with these two. Like, it's not incestuous or anything, but if Lucifer walks in on you changing and you've got your beav out, he would probably politely put a hand over his eyes and keep talking anyways. Charlie treats it like walking in on her sibling, on someone her age she's known all her life. She'll be walking up, picking lint off your clothes, helping clasp your bra, whichever whatever without any regards for how exposed you might be feeling. Oh you're feeling shy? But she's your sister; you don't have to be shy!!

It's all fun and games until you're completely butt ass naked having Family Bath Time, Charlie scrubbing shampoo through your hair while Lucifer has ungodly amounts of duck themed bath toys floating around and you accidentally catch sight of THE Angel Of The Bottomless Pit's full-on dick and balls that you're realizing, oh, when they said they want to treat you like family, they meant like FAMILY family... oh shit... hope this doesn't turn into a huge "hey also we couldnt bear the thought of losing you so you're kind of immortal now" kind of problem...

[gabessquishytum]

Long story short, human!Morpheus is horny. Newly divorced, he's had enough of this happily ever after shit - there's no force in this universe that can make him say 'I do' again. From now on, he'll be realistic. He just wants to get laid! Not only his ex - Alex Burgess - was a cold and uncaring partner in bed, but he also was cheating on Morpheus with their gardener. The audacity! To add insult to injury, their marriage was completely sexless in the last few years, and considering that they had had sex only a few times per year before...Morpheus is seriously underfucked. His sister Death jokes that if Morpheus doesn't find anyone soon enough, he'd probably develop feelings for his vibrator. The worst is that she isn't even wrong, not that Morpheus is ever going to admit it. Morpheus is desperate. He's never been good at social interactions, so meeting someone in reality is…complicated. He goes on Tinder. Everybody does it, how hard can it be? What he gets is a pile of dick pics and a few evenings of some very poor dirty talk. Utterly disgusted, he deletes his profile and this cursed app. And then - hallelujah! - when Morpheus has kinda resigned to a life with his vibrator, his sister introduces him to one Hob Gadling. Hob is handsome, bold, says all the right things, and his hands…oh, Morpheus imagines his hands in places where no one touched him for a while. Hob's looking at Morpheus like he wants to eat him alive. Or maybe eat him out. So, when Hob propositions him, Morpheus can't grab him to the cab fast enough. He's never been religious, but he's praying to every deity he knows that Hob won't be a disappointment in bed.

Asksdksjajjs horny divorcee Dream is such a delightful concept. And isn’t he a lucky boy? He’s just found himself a pot of gold in sexual form.

Dream is trying to curb his own expectations as he sits next to Hob. He can’t get his hopes up too high. He mustn’t act disappointed if Hob happens to be… underwhelming. He’s a grown man and he needs to keep a lid on his horniness. But with Hob sitting beside him in the cab, it’s very hard to stay calm. Even harder when Hob takes Dream’s chin between his fingers, tips his head back and kisses him like they’re in an old movie. Dream whimpers. All bets are off, he’s not going to make it out of this alive.

Especially when Hob carries him up the stairs inside his apartment building. Dream clings on and feels the flexing motions in Hob’s arms and chest. He’s getting so worked up it’s actually embarrassing! But Hob looks pretty desperate too. The way he presses Dream up against the front door and sucks on his tongue definitely doesn’t come across as apathetic.

Dream has never been rimmed before. Ever. His shitty former husband never bothered. But Hob? He’s about to do it about an hour after their first meeting. He whispers into the crease of Dream’s thigh about how he just can’t wait any longer to taste him. This might actually be heaven. Dream is laying on his own couch with his legs splayed as wide as they go, and an incredibly sexy man is saying incredibly sexy things 2 inch away from his arsehole. Holy shit.

Hob makes him cum twice. He’d have kept going, but Dream begged for mercy. He’s not as young as he’d like to be, and he just needs to bury his face into Hob’s chest hair for a bit. He’ll come out eventually.

But there’s no way in hell that he’s letting Hob go anywhere!

[f1-giuki]

i'm here again. lestappen chussy smut with touch tank by quinnie <3

Caro have I ever asked your hand in marriage? 🥺❤️ FINALLY HERE WITH THE CHUSSY!!! it's been 84 years but I managed to write some chussy action😭 Hope you like this, even if it's long af😭💖 The song choice was amazing and I hope I did it justice!!!!!!!💖💖💖

touch tank - prompt post

-

“Where has Charles gone? This is supposed to be her championship pool party!” George complains, holding his Martini glass tightly in his hands.

Lando rolls his eyes.

“It's her championship party, if she wants to sneak out with someone, it's her right to do so…” Oscar argues.

“That's why we can't see Max!” Carlos snickers, making the others laugh.

“Max? Did she invite Max, of all people? I thought they were mates on track only!” George asks, confused.

“Have you been living under a rock, George?” Oscar asks with a small smile.

“I beg your pardon?” George asks after taking a sip of his drink. Alex, on his side, has to keep a loud laugh from escaping his mouth.

“Mate, they've been dating for the past season, what is wrong with you?” Lando asks, disgusted that he finished his concoction of rum and Capri sun.

“Actually, they're together now, since the competition between them got tighter,” Carlos explains, proudly showcasing his knowledge.

“Since the Tuesday of Brazil, I think, Max asked her before the Sprint,” Oscar points out.

“How the fuck do you know this?” George keeps on asking.

“We have eyes, George…” Alex laughs.

Max and Charles are not far away from the party going on in the garden and adjacent beach of the Dubai villa Charles rented. They're on the roof of the building, where the sunspots are, giggling and sneaking away to have five minutes where they don't have to shake hands, accept congratulations for the championship! and sorry for the championship! or withstand some teasing. Five minutes where they can be freaks in love.

The 2025 season was one for the books, with Charles becoming the first-ever woman to win a Formula 1 world championship and Ferrari winning the title again after 18 years. Italy turned completely red, with people and celebrations filling the streets during the day and fireworks illuminating the night. The dream came true for Charles. Win with Ferrari. Against Max. Her boyfriend. She ticked off every point from her list, except having a moment for herself.

The party on Sunday was crazy and the sex with Max in the bathroom of the club was crazier.

Monday felt like a fever dream littered with soft kisses, with realisation slowly sinking in, as all the journalists left in the Emirates asked her all types of questions. The president of the Italian Republic and the Prince of Monaco also asked her for official events where she could be honoured as a champion by the local institutions.

Tuesday was calmer, in a way. Charles wanted another celebration, with just her friends, so she rented a villa in the morning for the afternoon. Her wish was everybody's command. She's a Ferrari world champion. But the party felt stuffy after a while, and Charles, in her bright red bikini, wanted nothing more than to feel Max's cold lips on her skin, looking at his messy hair and sunburned face, so they disappeared on the rooftop of the villa, where a few sunbeds were waiting for them.

Max doesn't bother closing the door to the rooftop, he's too preoccupied kissing Charles, with her legs wrapped around his waist, and trying not to fall as she keeps rubbing herself on his dick.

Max gently lowers her on the soft towel covering the sunbed and kneels between her legs. Charles Leclerc is a sight to behold, splayed out underneath him, her short and curly hair creating a delicious brown halo around her head. She thinks about all the religious imagery created with her face. If she's the Virgin Mary, then he shall be God. Maybe she shouldn't think about him putting a baby in her. Maybe later.

“No reward for the champion?” She asks, with a sly grin on her lips. The red lipstick she wore has moved all over her lips and on Max's.

Max laughs and rolls his eyes. They can hear laughter coming from two floors down, where the party is still going on. Max blushes a little.

“What? Are you afraid they will find out how good you can eat me out?” Charles asks, slowly undoing the strings of her bikini bottoms on her hips, baring her pussy to him. Shameless. Max loves her too much.

She knows he's salivating at the sight in front of him. He's thirsty, no matter how many times he quenches his thirst at such a source.

She watches him kneel on the ground and pulls her closer to him from her knees. Max feels such a deep hunger inside of him.

Charles moans in anticipation and Max licks a fat stripe over her cunt, making her laugh. The Max show is about to begin.

He leaves kisses all over her pussy, keeping eye contact with Charles. When she throws her head back Max sucks her clit lightly, enjoying how she writhes under him. He starts licking at her folds, savouring and claiming, sucking, as his hands keep her thighs spread. Charles moans and Max laughs, reverberating on her pussy. She fists his short hair, pushing his face closer to her core.

Max moves one hand to her labia, toying with the wetness he finds there as he goes back to her clit, sucking and flicking it with his tongue. Charles is always so sensitive, so easy for him to take apart. He gently bites her folds and enjoys when she clenches over nothing. He teases her again with kitten licks at her entrance and when she tugs his hair meanly he grins and starts fucking her with his tongue.

Charles moans and the thought of all the people downstairs comes blaring in her brain, making her impossibly wetter. Max, slurping and sucking, is the only one who doesn't make her feel like a maniac. He gets it.

He coats his middle finger in her arousal and starts teasing Charles’ entrance, looking up at her, covered in spit, searching for consent, breaking his rhythm and driving her crazy. She groans and nods and Max slowly replaces his tongue with his finger, moving up to kiss her mons Venus.

As he pumps his finger in and out he places his other hand over her lower belly, claiming the soft skin there. Charles sobs and undoes her bikini bra, playing with her breasts, pinching her nipples and pulling them, moaning louder as Max inserts another finger in her and fucks her.

He looks so good, gentle and devoted, with his baby blue linen shirt open, matching his ice eyes. Charles could come on the spot, thinking just about her lover. So big and safe and brave. She feels like just a girl when she's with him, in the most positive sense. She's just Charles, whether on an F1 track around the world, in an ice cream shop in Italy, or with her tits out in the Emirates afternoon sun. She's not some kind of circus animal with him.

Charles comes, squirting on his face, as he curls his fingers inside her, licking at her cunt and stimulating her clit with his nose.

He licks her clean and she sobs happily. Before it gets to be too much, Max lets her go, sitting next to her. She hugs him from the side and Max holds her with a big and dumb smile, as she inhales his scent, mixed with the salt in the air.

“I love you,” he says, stupidly in love, and she grins, with her forehead against his bicep.

“I love you too,” she says, laughing as Max drags her on his lap, making her sit there gently, lending her back to the sun.

“Oh God, Oscar, mate, you were right! They were fucking on the roof!” George shrieks in the garden, making her and Max laugh.

[saulof-tarsus]

Catholic husband re your post: my wife closed-up shop as soon as she gave birth a little over two years ago. We’re in our 20s, healthy, have no other problems, and she never gave me any hint that she’d be like this before we got married. But it’s been more than two years now and she is perfectly happy never doing it again, has no interest in talking about it, and makes me feel guilty for even asking. I am just beyond sad and, if it weren’t for our baby, I’d prefer to just be dead already.

Where's your wife, I just want to talk.

On a more serious note this is deeply saddening and I'm so, so, so, SO sorry this is happening to you. That is just straight up not the Catholic way of going about it. Even if she wanted to end intimacy, the fact that she didn't talk it through with you first, is so incredibly wrong. I'm bordering on saying abusive and/or toxic, and the only reason I'm hesitating is lack of info (which you are under absolutely zero obligation to supply) and because those words are thrown around a lot nowadays. I think you seriously should broach the two of you going either to your priest or to relationship counciling, because from both a secular and religious point of view, not having sex at all is seen as a really really bad sign of other issues in the marriage.

It doesn't matter her reasoning either, she did so without consulting you, and that issue affects you. She is being selfish in that she didn't discuss it first.

If the reasoning is for health issues - fine, having sex less makes sense. But there is NFP, you can have sex outside of the ovulation window. But not discussing it with your partner is just straight up not ok.

I'm curious, though if you do not feel like answering that's perfectly reasonable, if there are other communication issues? On either end? Are there other forms of intimacy that you two partake in such as cuddling, kissing, praying together? Do you two get alone time? Also, before she got pregnant, was their time spent making sure she was enjoying it/being stimulated?

If her main goal is taking care of your child, she is sorely mistaken on what marriage is. Her first duty is to you, just as yours is to her, NOT yourself (or herself), not your child. Not to her parents, or friends. She made vows to love YOU and this behavior is expressly un-loving.

[balkanradfem]

I was watching a video on purity culture and how it causes trauma to women who end up seeing sexual experiences as tainting and sinful later on; I didn't experience this so I don't have a lot to say on it, but I've thought about why it was implemented as a part of religious experience for women specifically.

Purity culture doesn't touch m*n, they are aware it's okay to get sex anywhere they possibly could and they feel victorious about it, like it's their natural thing to do. Women, however, don't get to give into their instincts and have to follow a set of strict rules, otherwise they're 'non-pure' and 'damaged goods' and whatnot.

I originally believed this was to enable m*n to be the first one to shape and control women's sexuality; if she had no experiences before and has no idea what she likes, she can't judge if he's doing well, she can't tell him what she likes, she has no criticism because she has no reference, he gets the freedom to teach her how sex should be done, and it's going to be the way he likes it; she's just there to fulfill his fantasy, and her experience barely matters. I believe this is also why a lot of m*n are attracted to children; children have no way of criticizing or being demanding or saying no, they're completely at mercy of whoever is violating them, they have zero agency, zero ability to consent to anything. Being in complete control, and even more, being a 'teacher' in those moments seems to be what m*n are aspiring for, because then the entire sexuality is under their authority. It ceases to be a mutual act and turns into one-sided power play.

Now after reading all about the biological imperative of males to impregnate women and to reject or even murder children who are not of their own blood, I'm starting to think that maybe it was the way to ensure that a woman who is entering a marriage is only possibly carrying his children. Because m*n have no way to tell, when a woman carries a child, if it's his or someone else's; so he implements strict rules and regulations that forbid the woman to ever touch anyone else sexually, so he could be sure it's all his blood. So by convincing women they could get 'tainted' or 'become sinners' by sexually interacting with anyone but a husband, they get to control her reproductive capabilities completely, use them only for themselves.

This interferes with women being the natural administrators of life and choosing who gets to continue their line. Since not all women have the chance to choose their husbands, and a lot of them are choosing based on information that is twisted and manipulated in favour of the m*n, they not only cannot exercise the right to pick and choose anytime they want, but someone else gets to do it entirely, the second they're married. Without patriarchy, women chould choose and drop a m*n at a moment's notice, the second he is no longer agreeable as a person to them, they would be able to ditch him forever, and pick someone else, or no-one at all. Patriarchy gives women only one single choice and then hardly any way to go back on it, and they are forced to make this choice on faulty information, without experience, references, and sometimes it's not even their choice at all, but the only thing that will allow them to survive. There's a reason why women are pushed to marry young, with as little experience as possible, and for m*n it doesn't matter.

Our nature is being hacked to the point where we're only living under an illusion of a choice, and under someone else's complete control over what is supposed to be our administrative right, but even that one choice is never something we can easily change our mind about, or quit when we realize it's damaging or dangerous for us. We should get to decide and control all of it. Partners, sexuality, choice of who gets to have their blood in a new generation. No restrictions should be there for women. Nature has given us none.

[mayxthexforce]

Posting it separately because I have no intention of starting discourse in a post where OP's only point was that priests are hot in a forbidden fruit type of way.

I'm so tired of seeing this take on Jedi and I wish there was a tag to blacklist to avoid it.

It's just the blandest, most surface level, Palpatine's propaganda believer level of understanding of the Jedi code. It's some "Oh the Jedi are not like US, they don't form bonds with people, they're incapable of love because they won't fuck me specifically" speech you'd hear from an antagonist in the SW universe. An emotional bond is not the same as an emotional attachment. Are some Jedi weird about intimacy due to the no attachments rule? Yes, Obi-Wan Kenobi himself was like "I should be punished by the council for wanting to hold Siri's hand while she's sad." when he was A LITERAL CHILD and actively misunderstood the Jedi code.

The Jedi code discouraging attachments because they lead to possessiveness and selfishness is nowhere near the same as the Jedi being unable to love or bond or be intimate with people, and especially not the same as them refusing to do so by choice. They're defenders and protectors of life, someone who doesn't love, who refuses to love and bond, cannot be a Jedi. Look at Dooku and Pong Krell, they sucked and fell to the dark side because they didn't love selflessly, because even before falling to the dark side they had selfish and straight up hateful detachments to those around them. The whole point of the original trilogy was that Jedi must love without attachments, and that's what saved the galaxy: the fact Luke loved his father but was willing to let him go, and Vader loved Luke more than he hated the Jedi.

Also??? Saying "the Jedi have too much compassion and empathy to have casual sex"??? Tell me you were raised by the weirdo kind of conservative that based people's worth on their genitals and how much use they gave them outside of marriage without telling me.

And as a side note, IMO the Jedi aren't like priests. The Jedi are not a religion. Because a religion is a particular system of belief in and worship of a superhuman power or powers, especially a God or gods. The force is not a superhuman power in the SW universe, it's in everything and everyone. It'd be like saying that believing in gravity or in microorganisms is a religion. We've been shown many Jedi who have their own religious beliefs. The Jedi are more like scientists than priests, you can have a Muslim scientist, a Jewish scientist, a Catholic scientist; just like you can have a Jedi who worships the Naboo goddess of protection, or Twi'Lek Jedi who worship their own goddess, or Mirialan Jedi who wear headscarves for cultural and religious reasons, or Wookiee Jedi who celebrate life day. Jedi, like scientists, just so happen to have a higher understanding of the workings of something that very much exists than the average person. Because while not everyone can be a Jedi or a Sith, just like not everyone can be a scientist, anyone can study the force. We have characters like Henrietya Antilles who wrote entire books about Sith culture and artifacts and their uses, and she doesn't have a pinch of force sensitivity in her.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Do you hace any HR recs where the hero makes a vow of celibacy until the heroine comes along? I read One Good Earl Deserves a Lover by Sarah Mclean and I'M SO OBSSESED NOW

Hmm, I have a few that might work! That's one of my favorite MacLeans. SO good.

Thief of Shadows by Elizabeth Hoyt--a top favorite of mine, hero is a virgin and is determined to stay celibate due to his religious perspective/dedication to saving the world/never having fallen in love before. He.............................. breaks pretty quickly when he meets a sophisticated older widow.

Unclaimed by Courtney Milan--another virgin hero, and this one has basically taken a public vow of celibacy, as he wants to save his virginity until he's in love. The heroine is a sex worker hired to seduce and ruin him.

The Highwayman by Kerrigan Byrne is another virgin hero one, and he hasn't so much taken a vow of celibacy as he is... extremely emotionally damaged following years of abuse, and gnarled and mean, and he basically refuses to touch the heroine skin to skin which means no sex until she points out a way that they can have sex (for procreative purposes, obvi) with as little skin to skin contact as possible. TW for discussions of past childhood sexual abuse.

My Fake Rake by Eva Leigh has, I think, a celibate hero. I don't know if it's a vow so much as he's like, soooo dedicated to his work that he's like, I'LL BE CELIBATE FOR THE SAKE OF SCIENCE. The heroine is his best friend and they begin fake courting so she can catch the attention of another man. Unique in that it's about two fuckin' nerds finding love. Also, his Boyz are like "TO THE MALL!" to find a way to make him look like a proper rake. It's very cute.

A Matter of Temptation by Stacy Reid gives these vibes. The hero hasn't taken a vow of celibacy, but he isn't a virgin and he has basically never had a great time with sex and is sort of indifferent to it until he meets the heroine. I interpreted him as demisexual, for sure. Also, I believe the heroine becomes his employee, so it's a bit COMPLEX.

Glory and the Master of Shadows by Grace Callaway will give you this, though I don't think Wei made a specific vow. It's set during the Opium Wars in England, and the hero is Chinese while the heroine is 1/4 Chinese; they initially do some bonding over being in that unique position in England, and he then becomes her mentor. Buuuut she's a duke's daughter and a virgin, and he's basically been celibate for a looong time (like, close to a decade, I think) in part due to some atoning due to the loss of his family which he blames himself for, and in part because he did a lot of coping over that loss with drugs and sex for a while. But Glory is SUCH! A temptation to him. There is a scene where he eats her out against a wall while her parents are sleeping down the hall. It's great.

Hotel of Secrets by Diana Biller (one of my top reads this year) totally has this. The hero is an American Virgin Spy who's chosen to be celibate due to emotional issues and trauma, etc. The heroine is not a virgin or celibate, and there is a LOT of temptation. It's set in 1800s Vienna, which I LOVE. Super romantic, great UST.

When a Girl Loves an Earl by Elisa Braden (one of my favorite Bradens) may have this, I think...? I'm honestly not sure. I feel like the hero didn't have sex after he found out his baby son died, mostly because he didn't want to father any illegitimate children, expose his heart to love, etc. But I'm not sure. Anyway, he sure does bone that heroine with his verra verra big Scottish dick.

Accidentally Compromising the Duke by Stacy Reid FOR SURE has this. The hero is a widower whose wife died in childbirth and he feels super guilty, so while he wants a stepmother for his two daughters, he doesn't want to ever get anyone pregnant again or even risk it. But then the heroine accidentally compromises him and he's like fine let's sexless marriage it up, and she's like "EXCUSE???? SEXLESS????" and you get this hilarious, angsty ramp up of like ".... fine but just fingers... fine but just my mouth... fine but just the tip.... fine but I WILL pull out!!! fine but--"

Duke of Desire by Elizabeth Hoyt has a hero who marries the heroine (after kidnapping her) to keep her safe but refuses to have sex with her, in part due to his immense trauma over childhood sexual abuse. This is an issue, as she wants Babies.

Lord of Darkness by Elizabeth Hoyt has a widower hero who marries the heroine after being blackmailed by her brother; she was pregnant with another man's child out of wedlock, and the man died. She miscarries right after the wedding and the separate without consummation, and years later she comes back like "you better break that celibacy streak because I want a baby".

[fandoms-and-bullcrap]

This post will talk about sex, nothing explicit, just the historical aspect of it

Okay I know we are all horny and want to see the triplets get it on (can't believe I have to say this but not with eachother you fucking sick people) but I do think that both Julieta x Agustín and Pepa x Félix had their first time with eachother.

Let me explain:

Encanto takes place in the 1950s, let's say 1950 to make it easier. That means that Dolores and Isabela were born in 1929 which also means that the parents had to start dating around the end of the 1910s to the start of the 1920s. Let's say they started dating in the start of the 1920s.

Okay, 1920s, was birthcontrol a thing? Yes. Condoms existed but it was not the type we had today, also back in the 1920s condoms were still frowned upon which means that a highly religious town like the one Alma ran away with would not have packed condoms nor were they likely to have them. Contraceptives in general (including the pull out method which doesn't work please don't use it) were frowned upon in general by the church.

So this means that if you wanted to have sex you either had to pull out (which again is a very dangerous route) or hope for the best.

But you might say "well Pepa looks like she was a rebel and could have gone against her mother's wishes" or "Félix looks like a ladies man with how charming he is" or even mention how touchy Félix and Pepa are. And to that I say, Pepa might have been rebellious or butted heads more with her mother but she is not dumb, she know that if she gets pregnant from a random boy she will live with the consequences for the rest of her life, she is also a very anxious woman who would be constantly freaking out if the thought of pregnancy before marriage even crossed her mind so I don't think she'd have it or at least have it with someone she wasn't 110% sure was it.

Now moving on to Félix, is he flirty? Yes. Was he a ladies man? Probably. Did he have sex with a woman before marriage knowing the possibility of getting her pregnant and ruining her social life was very much there? Definitely not. Félix drinks five gallons of respect woman juice every single morning, this man would never do anything that could potentially harm a woman. I also take Félix as kind of a romantic and he would for sure have the mentality, that a lot of people back than had, that his first time was supposed to be with the one. So yeah, for me Félix waited.

Now for Julieta and Agustín. I think Julieta was way too stressed with feeding a whole town and healing them for her to even think about going against her mother in that aspect and specially not wanting to deal with pregnancy. And Agustín... well he is very accident prone so an accidental pregnancy was something he was terrified of. He also drinks 5 gallons of respect woman juice with Félix and would never do that to a woman.

You might think the way I am talking is very old fashioned but that's because it is, they were young adults in the 1920s who lived in a religious town where everyone knew eachother and everyone specially knew the Madrigals.

All of that and the addition of pressure to be presentable, magical powers that people depend on you for, the church and status are reason why i think they waited for marriage or eachother.

Anyways that's my take on it, you can disagree of course and I do know it's not important but I like history and how being from a specific place in time could affect how you view places and the world.

[bittersweet--chaos]

Finally, Friday. Morgan has been waiting for the time to go to Shivani's place everh since the fight they had with their mom on Tuesday.

He brought over a friend, who happened to be a girl, and their mom immediately jumped on the sex train- "You're too young! Wait for marriage! If you're going to be a whore you can pack your bags and leave!" Like, Jesus, they were working on a math project. She was forced to be on his knees for a good three hours, it would've been longer if the math project wasn't aparent in the livingroom.

Packing up their bag in last period, Morgan sighs at the sight of the small bible always at the bottom of the bag. He puts their cold water bottle snug next to it, hoping the condensation messes up the text enough to be thrown away. Now, Morgan has no issues with religious people, he thinks that when someone has faith in another world it's cute, but she's been forced into this mess and it gets tiring, she doesn't want to be on her knees for hours a day, with perminant bruising on their knees, due to their mom thinking that a single thing he did was unholy.

Looking behind him, Shivani smiles, "You ready to go? I think pap's is cooking gumbo tonight."

"yessss, I love his gumbo," Morgan praises. They pick up their bag, "I'll show up in a bit, I need to pack up my bag and tell my mom that I'll be at Dylan's."

Dylan was the red-headed, closeted gay church boy that Morgan's mom loves. Little does she know him and Morgan have screwed around, and now knows that Dylan is very good with his mouth.

Shivani nods, standing up and bringing her bag over her shoulders, "Well I'll let my dad know to leave the door unlocked so you can get in later."

The two say their byes and part ways. Morgan sighs once alone, walking home was always the most peaceful time in his day. They're able to have a moment to rest their brain, until his mom forces them to work or go to church.

The leaves are turning orange and brown, the ones on the ground crunch under Morgan's shoes. A nice breeze hits her back, her hair pushing against their shoulders. Her mom hates how their hair has grown so much, she wants it to be short and not girly, the way he has it now.

But nontheless, Morgan persisted with their hair, even going as far as to explain that he just wanted to look like Jesus, his hair was long, was it not? It shut down her arguments after that, but they still had to kneel in the closet for talking back.

Finally, his apartment can be seen, a big yawn escapes from their lips as they walk into the lobby. Miguel, her neighbor, gives them a small smile and wave, they weren't allowed to talk because of Morgan's mom, she didn't like their family. She smiles back, passing a small paper full of the notes from her English class. Miguel nods in apreciation, walking away to grab his back and put the notes away.

Morgan goes up the stairs, all the way to floor 4, and the second door to the left to make their way inside the small apartment.

"I'm home," Morgan says, expecting his mom to ask how his day was, did they pray before lunch, how much of that bible did they read during reading time in English- he decided to read Animal Farm instead, but they'd never admit to that.

Instead, what was heard was music playing from the kitchen, and the sound of a blender every so often. Going into the kitchen, Morgan sees her little sister, Rachel, making a smoothie out of fresh fruits.

"Hey sis, how're you doing," Morgan asks, moving around her to grab a strawberry from the bowl.

She smacks their hand away from it, "I've been fine, I'm making a strawberry and banana smoothie if you want some." She says, adding more milk into the blender before pressing the button again.

"Yeah, I'm game. Where's the demon if you don't mind me asking?"

Rachel rolls her eyes, grumbling the response, "She's out with the members again, said you gotta stay for the weekend."

A small nod from Morgan directs her attention to them, "Seriously, I think mom's getting suspicious of you constantly hanging out at this supposed 'Dylan's place. She wants you home, and if you don't I think you know the punishment."

"Of course I know the punishment ya brat, but the issue is that my nerve endings in my knees dont care about the weird rug in that closet. She's going to have to try harder to keep me here- you're 14, you can stay home alone." Morgan ruffles her hair as she walks away into the hallway to their shared bedroom.

When the door opens, a pleasant smell fills Morgan's nose, their sister had a collecting habit with candles, and because of Morgan's pyromantic tendencies, it just allows him to light the candles whenever they want.

She moves over to her side of the room, before collecting their bag already filled with the things he would need for the weekend. He walks out of the room, closing the door behind him so that the stench of cigarettes doesn't fill their room.

A door opens and slams shut. It's the front door, shit.

Quietly, Morgan throws the bag into the punishment closet before walking back into the kitchen. Their mom is right in the archway, small and fat, you can see the cigarette smoke stuck onto her clothes. How she birthed two beautiful children, the world may never know.

"Good afternoon," Morgan nods at her, going into the fridge for a water bottle. "I was planning on going on a run-"

"I know where you're going. I've heared everything from Greg and that (insert f slur here) of a son he has."

Both of the children's blood run cold. They've never gone too far, Dylan swears it's just a friends-with-benefits situation but... God what did he spill? Did he out them? Did he rat her out for going to Shivani's? Or was it about Rachel sneaking out to party? There's so much he could've spilled.

Silence pierces everyone's ears, until their mom continued. "You really didn't think I wouldn't find out that my son- the son I raised to be- my son would not only be a (f slur once again) himself but hang out with that... that devil family? You talk to the people I tell you to stay away from.. you have premarital relations you... you're a demon straight from Hell is what you are-"

She continues as Rachel and Morgan just look around. So he really did spill everything, huh. I wonder how much shit he's in...

With another spew of insults and prayers to Jesus above, she stops, the silence fills the room again, clicks from the clock seem so far away now.

"That's it, I've tried- I raised you to know the good of the bible, but even with it you've strayed too far into temptation..." With that, she grabs Morgan's hair and starts to pull him onto the floor. Rachel screams as they slam on the cold floor, a loud crack follows it.

Another yell- from Morgan? Rachel? They can't tell anymore, their ears are ringing, vision is blurring and splochy.

His mom's voice pierces through her confusion, "This is what he deserves! And don't think I'm done with you young lady and your (d slur) friends partying like the (f slur)'s you are!"

Morgan pushes at her hand, feeling their hair rip from her scalp as they push mom off of them. Another scream escapes somewhere, Morgan can feel his conciousness fade, until a smack right on their cheek shakes them awake.

"What the hell?" He shouts.

"Don't you raise your voice at me!" She screams back, smacking Morgan again, throwing her foot down onto their rib, a pain Morgan's never felt before shoots through their entire body.

Rachel's voice can definitley be heard from the neighbors, it would be surprising if the police aren't called at this point. Morgan can hear his mom try to shush Rachel, finally realizing the situation definitley would raise not just a few eyebrows.

Suddenly, his mom rushes at Rachel, throwing her onto the ground- her head hits the sink and she goes silent instantly.

Rage seethes around Morgan as their brain stops spinning, noticing the pool of blood start to grow from under the mop of what Rachel's hair has become.

A gasp is heard from his mom, and she kneels down to start to cradle her near her chest, before turning to Morgan and yells, "What have you done?"

Oh

No way she's pinning that shit on him, are you serious?

That rage hits his heart in a way that he's never felt before, heat starts to envelop it- his throat closes in a weird way as a stream of what feels like fire moves with their veins. And just as fast as it was thrown into him, it was literally thrown out- a stream of blue flames rushes from their elbow, around each finger individually, and pushes their way to her mom- the shock in her eyes felt great in Morgan, until her scream hits her ears.

(SKIP, MOM’S LITERALLY ON FIRE)

The alarms finally start, a bright light flashes onto Morgan’s eyes as he stays still- not moving another inch as they watch the blue flames expand onto the counter, the floor- Rachel- shit.

He didn’t know how long he was standing there, they don’t even remember how they got outside of the building- an officer tried to talk to her, she does remember how they’d lightly touch their shoulder, putting them onto an ambulance, and rubbing the back of their head.

Another moment with no memory, and Morgan was in the hospital, awake, the lights off- must be night- and an officer, a different one, sitting with a laptop next to the bed.

“Ah, it’s good to see you awake Morgan.” She starts, closing the laptop with a small smile. “My name is Amanda, I’m here to ask some questions about the fire that started two nights ago.”

Two? Has Morgan been out for that long? They look out the window next to them, noticing that it wasn’t night, just that the curtains covered the evening glow. Another glance shot a sharp pain to his brain, he groans.

“You have a concussion, a broken nose, and some light scarring on your back and knees. If I can ask, how did you get the lighter scars?” she starts, moving the chair to face his bed, moving her hand onto their lower thigh (close to the knee but not on it).

Morgan nods slightly, still looking out the window- I want Dylan… or Shivani… Maybe her dad has some extra gumbo…

“-Morgan?”

“Right…” he says, looking back to the officer, “Um…”

Her voice is comforting as she continues, “It’s alright, you can speak freely here.”

They nod, gaze going back to the window, “My…m-my mom wasn’t- uh… wasn’t the best caretaker.”

After a few more questions, the officer moves to sit at the foot of their bed. “Now, do you know what an elemental is?“

“A what?” She asks.

“An elemental, a person who’s able to control a certain element, we also call these people empowered humans.”

“So… like X-Men?”

A laugh escapes Amanda, she shakes her head and looks back at Morgan, “You have a touch of fire in your soul, it’s bright and orange with a twinge of purple. We would need to keep surveillance while you get your powers under your control. We will give you a full admission to an academy that specializes in empowered abilities, as well as regular college classes. so, what do ya say?”

I was rooting for Dylan and Morgan up until Dylan became a rat. And I feel so bad for Rachel!!!!!

[redacted-ghost]

Finally, Friday. Morgan has been waiting for the time to go to Shivani's place everh since the fight they had with their mom on Tuesday.

He brought over a friend, who happened to be a girl, and their mom immediately jumped on the sex train- "You're too young! Wait for marriage! If you're going to be a whore you can pack your bags and leave!" Like, Jesus, they were working on a math project. She was forced to be on his knees for a good three hours, it would've been longer if the math project wasn't aparent in the livingroom.

Packing up their bag in last period, Morgan sighs at the sight of the small bible always at the bottom of the bag. He puts their cold water bottle snug next to it, hoping the condensation messes up the text enough to be thrown away. Now, Morgan has no issues with religious people, he thinks that when someone has faith in another world it's cute, but she's been forced into this mess and it gets tiring, she doesn't want to be on her knees for hours a day, with perminant bruising on their knees, due to their mom thinking that a single thing he did was unholy.

Looking behind him, Shivani smiles, "You ready to go? I think pap's is cooking gumbo tonight."

"yessss, I love his gumbo," Morgan praises. They pick up their bag, "I'll show up in a bit, I need to pack up my bag and tell my mom that I'll be at Dylan's."

Dylan was the red-headed, closeted gay church boy that Morgan's mom loves. Little does she know him and Morgan have screwed around, and now knows that Dylan is very good with his mouth.

Shivani nods, standing up and bringing her bag over her shoulders, "Well I'll let my dad know to leave the door unlocked so you can get in later."

The two say their byes and part ways. Morgan sighs once alone, walking home was always the most peaceful time in his day. They're able to have a moment to rest their brain, until his mom forces them to work or go to church.

The leaves are turning orange and brown, the ones on the ground crunch under Morgan's shoes. A nice breeze hits her back, her hair pushing against their shoulders. Her mom hates how their hair has grown so much, she wants it to be short and not girly, the way he has it now.

But nontheless, Morgan persisted with their hair, even going as far as to explain that he just wanted to look like Jesus, his hair was long, was it not? It shut down her arguments after that, but they still had to kneel in the closet for talking back.

Finally, his apartment can be seen, a big yawn escapes from their lips as they walk into the lobby. Miguel, her neighbor, gives them a small smile and wave, they weren't allowed to talk because of Morgan's mom, she didn't like their family. She smiles back, passing a small paper full of the notes from her English class. Miguel nods in apreciation, walking away to grab his back and put the notes away.

Morgan goes up the stairs, all the way to floor 4, and the second door to the left to make their way inside the small apartment.

"I'm home," Morgan says, expecting his mom to ask how his day was, did they pray before lunch, how much of that bible did they read during reading time in English- he decided to read Animal Farm instead, but they'd never admit to that.

Instead, what was heard was music playing from the kitchen, and the sound of a blender every so often. Going into the kitchen, Morgan sees her little sister, Rachel, making a smoothie out of fresh fruits.

"Hey sis, how're you doing," Morgan asks, moving around her to grab a strawberry from the bowl.

She smacks their hand away from it, "I've been fine, I'm making a strawberry and banana smoothie if you want some." She says, adding more milk into the blender before pressing the button again.

"Yeah, I'm game. Where's the demon if you don't mind me asking?"

Rachel rolls her eyes, grumbling the response, "She's out with the members again, said you gotta stay for the weekend."

A small nod from Morgan directs her attention to them, "Seriously, I think mom's getting suspicious of you constantly hanging out at this supposed 'Dylan's place. She wants you home, and if you don't I think you know the punishment."

"Of course I know the punishment ya brat, but the issue is that my nerve endings in my knees dont care about the weird rug in that closet. She's going to have to try harder to keep me here- you're 14, you can stay home alone." Morgan ruffles her hair as she walks away into the hallway to their shared bedroom.

When the door opens, a pleasant smell fills Morgan's nose, their sister had a collecting habit with candles, and because of Morgan's pyromantic tendencies, it just allows him to light the candles whenever they want.

She moves over to her side of the room, before collecting their bag already filled with the things he would need for the weekend. He walks out of the room, closing the door behind him so that the stench of cigarettes doesn't fill their room.

A door opens and slams shut. It's the front door, shit.

Quietly, Morgan throws the bag into the punishment closet before walking back into the kitchen. Their mom is right in the archway, small and fat, you can see the cigarette smoke stuck onto her clothes. How she birthed two beautiful children, the world may never know.

"Good afternoon," Morgan nods at her, going into the fridge for a water bottle. "I was planning on going on a run-"

"I know where you're going. I've heared everything from Greg and that (insert f slur here) of a son he has."

Both of the children's blood run cold. They've never gone too far, Dylan swears it's just a friends-with-benefits situation but... God what did he spill? Did he out them? Did he rat her out for going to Shivani's? Or was it about Rachel sneaking out to party? There's so much he could've spilled.

Silence pierces everyone's ears, until their mom continued. "You really didn't think I wouldn't find out that my son- the son I raised to be- my son would not only be a (f slur once again) himself but hang out with that... that devil family? You talk to the people I tell you to stay away from.. you have premarital relations you... you're a demon straight from Hell is what you are-"

She continues as Rachel and Morgan just look around. So he really did spill everything, huh. I wonder how much shit he's in...

With another spew of insults and prayers to Jesus above, she stops, the silence fills the room again, clicks from the clock seem so far away now.

"That's it, I've tried- I raised you to know the good of the bible, but even with it you've strayed too far into temptation..." With that, she grabs Morgan's hair and starts to pull him onto the floor. Rachel screams as they slam on the cold floor, a loud crack follows it.

Another yell- from Morgan? Rachel? They can't tell anymore, their ears are ringing, vision is blurring and splochy.

His mom's voice pierces through her confusion, "This is what he deserves! And don't think I'm done with you young lady and your (d slur) friends partying like the (f slur)'s you are!"

Morgan pushes at her hand, feeling their hair rip from her scalp as they push mom off of them. Another scream escapes somewhere, Morgan can feel his conciousness fade, until a smack right on their cheek shakes them awake.

"What the hell?" He shouts.

"Don't you raise your voice at me!" She screams back, smacking Morgan again, throwing her foot down onto their rib, a pain Morgan's never felt before shoots through their entire body.

Rachel's voice can definitley be heard from the neighbors, it would be surprising if the police aren't called at this point. Morgan can hear his mom try to shush Rachel, finally realizing the situation definitley would raise not just a few eyebrows.

Suddenly, his mom rushes at Rachel, throwing her onto the ground- her head hits the sink and she goes silent instantly.

Rage seethes around Morgan as their brain stops spinning, noticing the pool of blood start to grow from under the mop of what Rachel's hair has become.

A gasp is heard from his mom, and she kneels down to start to cradle her near her chest, before turning to Morgan and yells, "What have you done?"

Oh

No way she's pinning that shit on him, are you serious?

That rage hits his heart in a way that he's never felt before, heat starts to envelop it- his throat closes in a weird way as a stream of what feels like fire moves with their veins. And just as fast as it was thrown into him, it was literally thrown out- a stream of blue flames rushes from their elbow, around each finger individually, and pushes their way to her mom- the shock in her eyes felt great in Morgan, until her scream hits her ears.

The flames die down, turning into a light orange against their skin. The sound of flesh being scorched from her mom's skin- the screams-

"My eyes!" She starts, "I-I can't see- wh-why can't I see- you devil child- the antichrist!"

Morgan stands still, watching as her eyes melt from the eye sockets, her hands scratching at her cheeks until the skin falls, the flames from whatever Morgan grabbed from pushes deeper into her skin- the smell of flesh and hair starting to burn finally hits their nose- they have to do something- they... water- the sink- Rachel- that bitch-

Morgan moves back, trying to figure out a way they can help- if anyone sees her, they'll know the blame is on Morgan, she'll twist it to say that they started it, she was only protecting Rachel, and suddenly... Am I a demon?

where did the.. the fire! right- water-

Morgan’s mom moves, or at least tries to. Her legs shook as hot ash fell onto her thighs, shoulders starting to show fat instead of skin… was fat white before or after it’s burnt?

“My- my skin! I- Oh god-“ she starts to pray as her face starts to melt downwards, but only for a few more seconds until her body stopped, falling onto Rachel.

The alarms finally start, a bright light flashes onto Morgan’s eyes as he stays still- not moving another inch as they watch the blue flames expand onto the counter, the floor- Rachel- shit.

He didn’t know how long he was standing there, they don’t even remember how they got outside of the building- an officer tried to talk to her, she does remember how they’d lightly touch their shoulder, putting them onto an ambulance, and rubbing the back of their head.

Another moment with no memory, and Morgan was in the hospital, awake, the lights off- must be night- and an officer, a different one, sitting with a laptop next to the bed.

“Ah, it’s good to see you awake Morgan.” She starts, closing the laptop with a small smile. “My name is Amanda, I’m here to ask some questions about the fire that started two nights ago.”

Two? Has Morgan been out for that long? They look out the window next to them, noticing that it wasn’t night, just that the curtains covered the evening glow. Another glance shot a sharp pain to his brain, he groans.

“You have a concussion, a broken nose, and some light scarring on your back and knees. If I can ask, how did you get the lighter scars?” she starts, moving the chair to face his bed, moving her hand onto their lower thigh (close to the knee but not on it).

Morgan nods slightly, still looking out the window- I want Dylan… or Shivani… Maybe her dad has some extra gumbo…

“-Morgan?”

“Right…” he says, looking back to the officer, “Um…”

Her voice is comforting as she continues, “It’s alright, you can speak freely here.”

They nod, gaze going back to the window, “My…m-my mom wasn’t- uh… wasn’t the best caretaker.”

After a few more questions, the officer moves to sit at the foot of their bed. “Now, do you know what an elemental is?“

“A what?” She asks.

“An elemental, a person who’s able to control a certain element, we also call these people empowered humans.”

“So… like X-Men?”

A laugh escapes Amanda, she shakes her head and looks back at Morgan, “You have a touch of fire in your soul, it’s bright and orange with a twinge of purple. We would need to keep surveillance while you get your powers under your control. We will give you a full admission to an academy that specializes in empowered abilities, as well as regular college classes. so, what do ya say?”

[derl30]

ALTERED STATES REVIEW TIME!

OK, this tumblr is, today, a vehicle for me to review ALTERED STATES. And you (the one person who stumbled on this review two-hundred years from n- oh who am I kidding, when the aliens from A.I. who show up to thaw out Haley Joel Osment and the teddy bear who was the real hero of that movie find this) should be very excited about this. Because this movie is insane. And highly entertaining.

Yes, the movie poster looks like ass. If I told you this was a movie where William Hurt (not the William Hurt from that awful 90's Lost in Space remake, or the one who slept through an entire performance as Duke Leto in the Syfy miniseries of Dune. This is before the body snatchers got him) took ayahuasca and got in a isolation tank and it blew his mind so hard he started devolving into a neanderthal and creating dimensional portals and he couldn't stop because he was addicted to finding the truth of existence... Well you wouldn't get that from this poster, would you? So let's move on. Shall we?

The film opens in 1967 with William Hurt's character, psychopathologist Edward Jessup, already immersed in a sensory deprivation tank, whilst his colleague and “buddy” Bob Balaban (he's just Bob Balaban in everything I'm not giving you his character's name look it up yourself if it's bugging you so much) oversees.

Now, you may notice I put buddy in quotes. The reason for that is that Jessup is a self-obsessed ass who seemingly has no reason to be around other people unless he can expound to them one of his various monologues. Bob Balaban barely gets a word in edgewise throughout the entire film. Bob Balaban.

See, Jessup loves the sensory deprivation tank experience. Unsurprisingly, as it allows him to be completely alone with himself for hours.

Later, at perhaps the lamest party ever, a bunch of faculty are chilling out and listening to the Doors. Everyone we see is talking about Jessup. Why? Well, much as Jessup is obsessed with himself, everyone else seems to follow suit by being obsessed with him. One young woman, Emily, (Blair Brown) is introduced to him in this very shot below as he arrives at the party:

Notice how is framed in holy light? There is a closeup after, of him framed in blinding glowing light followed up with a zoom in on Emily's face, enraptured with this incredible dynamic man. So much so that the moment he tries to make a goddamn sandwich she starts grabbing his celery (get your mind out of the gutter) and flirting with him. Which for these two that means talking science, immediately. Talking more at each other than with each other. This is often the way with Paddy Chayefsky's scripts.

PAUSE

Paddy Chayefsky is doubtless one of the great American writers for the screen. He wrote Marty, The Hospital and Network (which is a fucking incredible piece of work). He got an Oscar for all three. He also wrote this movie (Altered States, remember? Good lord) and disowned it completely three weeks in to production. His scripts tend to have very intelligent, driven characters at the center, who monologue extensively at each other. These scripts are not attempting to sound naturalistic.

Ken Russell, however, directed the film. He, like Chayefsky, is top notch at what he does (Direct. I said he directed the film like a second ago, come on keep up). His films, like Women in Love, The Devils, (which was banned in several major countries upon release and has never been shown publicly in its full, uncut form (by the way it's a masterpiece)) the Who's Tommy, Gothic, and Lair of the White Worm are all fucking gonzo nuts. I mean like, when you gave this guy the reins, you were going to Overthetopsville and there will be no stops on this trip. And god bless! I love directors who GO for it!

You're getting the chance to make a movie. Stop hemming and hawing and hit me over the head with what you want to say! Film is a visual medium, USE IT!

I feel I might have made my feelings clear here. So, moving on...

Ken Russell and Paddy Chayefsky immediately started butting heads, right from the start. Chayefsky was a BIG deal, and he wanted control over the picture in a BIG way. Ken would listen to his suggestions on everything to lighting and set dressing, and politely tell him, “No.”, and continue being the director of the film. Chayefsky hated him pretty quickly.

He had much more control over films like The Hospital. Which, if you watch The Hospital, well, it shows. You've got great actors (George C. Scott, Dame Diana Rigg (Dame may be the greatest official title of all time)) saying great dialogue. But its just two very witty bitter people sort of expounding on topics and speaking at each other and suddenly admitting they are in love and discussing what drapes they will have to buy for their new home. It's utterly preposterous, and it doesn't work in the way Sidney Lumet got it to work in Network, by literally making one of the lead characters realize his life is turning into a ludicrous soap opera.

So of course Ken tried to humanize, naturalize, the dialogue sequences. And it works! The film feels more human than the Hospital or Network. Despite the fact that Jessup is literally becoming more and more inhuman throughout the film. One of the ways he does this is by having the character's eat, drink, and work on other things during the dialogue sequences. This is perfectly normal in film, it's called giving the actor “business” to do, during the scene. Chayefsky HATED this. “They are mumbling my precious dialogue! Chewing through it! Sucking it through a straw!” Sorry, Chayefsky buddy. It works for the picture. Chayefsky also felt the actors were too emotional with his dialogue. Right. See, they call that acting.

UNPAUSE

Which brings us back to the first meeting of Emily and Jessup at the party. They are eating during this important scene! I can just picture Chayefsky seeing this, and running to the studio brass to tattle and get Ken Russell fired (as he got Arthur Penn of Bonnie and Clyde fame fired before Ken Russell came on board).

Emily and Jessup are, true to Chayefsky form, extremely intelligent, driven people and hearing them discuss topics such as anthropology and schizophrenia is quite interesting. It's just that what is to come, film being a visual medium, will eclipse just about any dialogue, no matter how good, from our mind thingys.

The two give up on the science talk and go straight to banging on her couch. After, she asks what he was thinking about. His answer is priceless. “God. Jesus. Crucifixions.”

She smiles.

Bwahahaha! Oh Paddy Chayefsky, you sure know women.

He admits he used to have religious visions. She listens to him from the sweaty couch whilst he sits naked on the floor, and starts going on about his father's horrible death of cancer and his loss of faith. And he admits to her that he's a nut. Her response is to call him a fascinating bastard. I think Lucas may have taken notes for Padme and Anakin.

So naturally, they get married immediately.

But none of that matters because Jessup gets back in the sensory deprivation tank and has his first vision. A nightmare of his dying father and lost faith in christianity. It's pretty great, filled with foreboding hospital rooms, his father's face being covered in a burning Shroud of Turin, everything covered by horrible blood red clouds and then THIS FUCKING THING SHOWS UP AND ITS ALIVE AND WRIGGLING

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

excuse me...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The many-eyed goat is slaughtered over a gold bible and suddenly Jessups screwing Emily again and we enter a blood vessel looking thing and the vision ends and he never mentions this again. Oh. Okay,

Emily continues on about what a nut Jessup is as they make marriage plans. Her monologue:

“You're an unmitigated madman. You don't have to tell me how weird you are. I know how weird you are. I'm the girl in your bed the past two months. Even sex is a mystical experience for you. You carry on like a flagellant... Which can be very nice, but I sometimes wonder if it's me that's being made love to. I feel like I'm being harpooned by some raging monk in the act of receiving God. (Emphasis mine)

"And you are a Faust-freak Eddie! You'd sell your soul to find the great truth. Well, human life doesn't have great truths. We're born in doubt. We spend our lives persuading ourselves we're alive. And one way we do that is we love each other, like I love you. I can't imagine living without you. So let's get married, and if it turns out to be a disaster, it'll be a disaster.”

It's a disaster.

As in, by the next scene. It starts off happy enough looking, they have kids and people are smiling. And hey, wow it's seven years later! But, well, see, whoops, they are getting a divorce. Well, not they. See, he is divorcing her because he considers the seven years with her a complete waste.

She still loves him, desperately. He doesn't give a shit about her or the kids. He tells Bob Balaban this, straight up. And then starts bugging him about deprivation tanks and Hinchi Indians in South America who have sacred mushrooms that can really fuck you up.

It's at this point you would like for Jessup to be hit by a Mack truck. But the movie continues on. By the way, this is one of the kids he doesn't give a crap about:

That's right. Drew Barrymore's first role is a kid that William Hurt doesn't give a shit about. Something that William Hurt would make a career out of with narcoleptic performances in Lost in Space and Syfy's Dune. So, Emily takes the kids to Africa for her anthropology work while Jessup goes to South America to go deeper into his own creepy mind.

The Hinchi Indians agree to allow him to participate in the drug ritual. They enter their holy cave.

This shot is beautiful. At this point the film becomes increasingly gorgeous. Ken Russell has started to go into overdrive, ladies and gentlemen. Buckle. Your. Seatbelts.

The Indians grab Jessup's hand and cut him, freaking him out. They pour his blood into the drug mixture. They begin to drink. Then he takes a sip. The intensity of the film here has quadrupled. The vision begins, fireworks going off all around him. He sees cave paintings of humans and komodo dragons and this:

The proper life he left behind with Emily. He's convulsing, sweating. The Indians are all around, masked. Snakes. He's laughing in pain. Energy spills from the void. A snake under the parasol strikes and begins to strangle him. He and Emily march toward a nuclear explosion as energy pours from the cut on his hand, becoming a lizard. From within a sandstorm, Emily watches him, naked. Jessup looks at her, entranced, as the soothing sands cover them both, slowly.

It's a beautiful sequence. A perfect film sequence. I can't overstate how strong the vision sequences are from this point forward. Great visual effects work and the madman mind of Ken Russell create something unforgettable, with it's own pace, independent from the rest of the film.

Jessup awakens with a komodo dragon laying before him, ripped to pieces. The Indians and the others all claim he killed it in rage. Jessup remembers nothing, takes samples of the drug to reproduce it, and goes back home.

Back home, Jessup keeps doing as much of the drug as he can and having Bob Balaban record results. They can't up the dosage any more so Jessup hops back in to the self deprivation tank to create a more extreme experience.

In his next session, Jessup states he is having a vision of early man, hunting a deer and killing it. Suddenly he states he is one of them, killing the deer. He begins to grunt like an animal. The two pull him out. He's incredibly pale, blood seeping out of his mouth. He can't speak, and has difficulty breathing. He insists they do an X-ray. It shows that there is a vocalizing lump in the front part of his throat. Jessup claims that his body had begun to revert to a simian state. The medical doctor agrees, stating the throat X-rays looks like that of a gorilla.

Luckily his throat returns to normal. So Jessup finishes up his day by having over a student of his and sleeping with her.

Our hero, people!

At this point we hardly feel sorry for him as his body suddenly begins to twist and bulge in the middle of the night, shifting in and out of neanderthal shapes. It's a horrific sequence, disturbing as hell. You certainly didn't expect the film to shift into body horror.

Jessup feels normal after a while. but sees visions of lava explosions, the birthing of the Earth all around him. Not a good sign.

He goes to pick up Emily from the airport the next day. She asks how he is doing.

“Oh, fine.”

Yeah right.

Emily has been told what Jessup has been doing and is worried, which of course pisses off Jessup even more. The guy is obviously obsessed with reaching the truth and root of existence, much as Emily surmised earlier, and we see he has no fear of even losing his own soul, again true to her word. The only thing that allows us to give a shit about him at this point is that Emily cares for him and she's decent people, okay?

So back Jessup goes into the tank with his ayahuasca or whatever it is. Alone. The tank door opens from the inside.

The hand that pushes it open is covered in thick hair. He's devolved.

Ape-Jessup escapes the tank room and chases a janitor around the building. Again, this scene is fucking freaky as hell. We can't get a good look at this screaming animal that was Jessup.

The janitor gets a guard to help and chases after him into the boiler room, where we finally get a good look at him when he assaults the security guard and escapes.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Ape-Jessup runs through the city at night, making his way to the zoo where he kills a antelope and eats it. The Ape-Jessup sequence goes on way too long, but is nonetheless unforgettable. The makeup is much more convincing than the above picture suggests, and whoever performed Ape-Jessup did an admirable job.

The cops find an unconscious Jessup in the zoo and bring him in. Emily picks him up and questions him. Jessup admits everything that he can remember. He also admits that he probably killed that security guard. And once again doesn't seem to give a shit. Prick. He calls it the most supremely satisfying time of his life.

Even Emily seems disgusted with him. But, she's also fascinated with what he's accomplished. As an anthropologist, his transformation fascinates her. And so, she agrees to help oversee his next session. Big mistake.

Before the big session Emily and Jessup romantically reconnect, and then into the climactic session we go!

Get your popcorn ready!

After a few hours in to the session, the video monitor shows Jessup begin to literally melt apart like goo, reverting to primordial ooze, the very beginning of existence. An attempt to open the isolation tank doors blasts everyone unconscious, as light and energy pour forth. Emily is the only one left. She sees Jessup's life energy pulse from within the tank.

Rain pours down around them. The pipes on the walls twist and turn like jelly. The ground is covered with a pool of swirling fog and energy. Emily advances toward the vortex of the tank.

In the emptiness of the beginning of everything, Emily seizes the energy before her and reconstitutes Jessup.

They take him home. While he sleeps, Emily rages over the fact that she loves such a insane bastard, and can't get over him. And, then, after Bob Balaban leaves, leaving Emily alone, Jessup wakes up.

He sweetly admits that the truth he learned was that there was no learnable truth, just unknowable horror, and all that's real is human experience. And he'll be a good boy from now on. Well too bad!

Because that horrible truth isn't done with him, and it's back to goo-Jessup! Emily tries to help him, grabbing him, but this in turn effects her, turning her into a shimmering lava form of herself. Both of them begin to self-destruct as Jessup, enraged, watching her in pain, struggles to retake his humanity, slamming himself into the wall, reforming himself through sheer will and physicality. He grabs her and brings her back, mirroring what she did for him during the final session. They embrace naked in the hallway. He finally admits, “I love you, Emily.”

Fade to credits.

Awww true love!

What can I say to sum up? Awesome 80's practical effects. Genius wacko go-for-it Ken Russell directing. Out of this world vision sequences. A awake and actually remarkable performance from William Hurt. An occasionally turgid but often fascinating script by the ever ornery Paddy Chayefsky. Whats not to like?

Well, the ending is a little rushed. The ape sequence goes on for a little too long and takes up perhaps too much of the films overall running time. The central love story is, well... a little hard to swallow, but hey, I guess there really is somebody out there for everyone. Even self-absorbed, deadbeat, cheating, sensory deprivation loving, ayahuasca dropping, Harvard teachers with a messiah complex!

And on that note, aliens from A.I. Artifical Intelligence, have a good day, and don't leave poor Teddy alone with no one to keep him company!

Sayonara!

[ma-gic-gay]

This is bad.

Boss and second best friend is presumed dead and I just had sex with his wife who happens to be my best friend bad. In his bed. In his house. Pretty sure I need to go and repent at a church when I'm not even religious bad.

Oh right, that's what happened. Minus the going to a church and confessing his sins to a priest part. That's probably what he should do, but he doubts he'll actually go through with that. A priest would probably somehow get to Sam or worse, end up knowing where Sonny is and been harboring him all this time. As far as he knows, you can't really have a priest not tell your secrets.

He's fucked. Scratch that, they're fucked.

Wrong choice of expression there. Very wrong. Ironic, but severely wrong expression.

What the hell is he supposed to do from here? What are they supposed to do from here? Go and confess their sins to a pastor? Too long and they'd probably end up in jail if that happened. Pretend it never happened? He knows that's not going to happen. There's going to be a long, drawn out conversation about it. Move to different continents and never speak to each other again? Too extreme, not to mention unlikely. Something would happen and they'd both be pulled back to town or to whatever continent they were on to post bail or something. Besides, they'd been friends forever. They could never not be in each other's lives. It was impossible.

Oh god. They're friends. No benefits. The last time there had been benefits attached, they had hated each other. Not in a typical "I hate you bitch" way, but in a "it doesn't matter if I never see you again. In fact, my life would be better if I didn't" way.

Needless to say they were not going back to those days. It would be impossible now; both had intertwined lives. Their kids were close and both were close to each other's kids. Extra parents, if you will. Not to mention, they both knew way too much about each other.

Irony is a cruel mistress, he thinks, thinking back to when they didn't even know each other's names. Those were the days of Robin and picking up random girls in bars before he learned his lesson about the girls he picked for his hookups carefully because if he didn't, there was a chance he'd end up with his entire life turned into a tornado of blonde hair and getting her out of trouble.

The quiet snoring at his side suddenly came to a stop, a telltale sign she's woken up or close to it.

Suddenly, he's all too aware of what happened last night between the two and what's going on now. They'd had sex (protected, at least they were stable enough to remember that) in the house Sonny bought, in his bed. The kids were at their friends houses, or in the case of Avery at her mother's. So at least the kids hadn't heard them.

Flashforward what he imagines can't be more than twelve hours and now they're in Sonny's bed, naked and both awake or waking up. The kids wouldn't suspect anything, provided none of his clothes besides his jacket were downstairs. He'd spent the night in general plenty of times and that had increased in this year.

Granted, their impulse control last night was to be questioned given that this had happened.

"Jason? What are you doing here?" Carly asks tiredly, still wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "And where the hell is your shirt? Or mine, for that matter- oh god."

She remembers. Dammit. This is both a good and a bad thing.

Good in the thing that he's now confirmed that they were sober, bad that now they've got decisions to make and neither of them make the best decisions when it's early in the morning and they're uncaffeinated.

"We need to talk about this, but first, coffee. Where the hell are our clothes? Please tell me we didn't leave them downstairs," she groans.

They find their clothes quickly enough and get dressed slightly awkwardly before heading downstairs to brew coffee.

The moss bowl that seems to continually grow, to the point that Jason was gifted some moss to go in his apartment as a housewarming gift from Carly, seems extra interesting this morning as he studies it intensely. That is one big moss plant. Over the course of a year, it got much larger than expected.

"Alright, we are not going to stand here in this awkward silence. We are going to discuss what happened last night and then figure out what the hell is means," she decides, handing him a mug of coffee.

"What is there to discuss? We had sex," he answers her simply after taking a sip of coffee.

"That's the exact thing we have to discuss."

"We're both very aware of how that works, Carly. Would you like me to pull up a diagram online and explain it?" Jason teases her.

"No smartass, I want to discuss the sex."

"Oh god," he groans into his coffee. "It's not even ten am and you've already decided that this is the big fight of the day for you. Couldn't this wait until, I don't know, Scout graduates college?"

"Jason," she warns, "humor me and discuss last night. I promise that this conversation will end sooner if you just agree to actually have it sooner."

"It'll end ten minutes before my funeral as opposed to at my funeral, then," he jokes.

"Do you want me to think about your death?"

"Alright fine I give in, we'll talk about it."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" She asks triumphantly.

"You are lucky I don't have anything else to do today besides paperwork I can have someone else do," he answers.

There's not enough coffee in the world to stop the headache he can feel she's going to bring to him today. It's a sixth sense by now, that she'll be giving him a headache that won't be fixed until the problem is solved.

In a weird way, it's a relief know that she does that. It's comforting in the strangest way.

Neither of them claimed to ever understand why it's calming.

"I know," she says, a smirk on her face. "Now, to the discussion about last night. We did it."

"We have already confirmed that information, yes," he agrees.

"It was good."

"Yeah."

"We're friends."

"Correct."

"I need more than one word answers!"

"We're reviewing information we both already agreed on and these aren't questions."

Sighing, Carly dramatically sips her coffee, getting a quiet chuckle out of her friend. "I still would appreciate an answer that wasn't a synonym of yes. Maybe one that's, I don't know, five or more words."

"Then ask me a question."

"Fine. Where do you want to go from here? Do we stay friends or be more or be friends with benefits or something else I haven't thought of yet?" The blonde rambles, caffeine kicking in.

"You're rambling."

"I'm aware."

"Just checking."

"Answer the question!"

"Calm down," he urges. "I don't know where to go from here."

"You're always the one who knows what to do in situations like these, not me!"

"Yes, I always come up with a plan of what to do when you and I hook up a day after Christmas. Because we've been in this situation loads of times before," he chuckle sarcastically.

"I meant when I do something impulsive, or you do something impulsive smartass," Carly glares at him playfully.

"Ah yes, my life's sole purpose: Stopping you from doing stupid things. And when that fails, getting you out of trouble," he jokes again. "I don't know what to do, for once. We may have a major problem on our hands."

"May have? Jason, if you can't figure out what to do from here, I think we're in major trouble! I haven't made a major life decision without a severe amount of your input in a very long time," the blonde exclaims, downing the last of her coffee like it'll help her make a decision of what to do here.

"That probably says something about you being codependent on me."

"You love me running into your apartment with your problems."

"Sometimes. Other times, your problems and plans are so stupid I don't understand them but somehow they hinge on me going along with them."

"Well of course they hinge on you going along with them? You're my best friend, if they didn't I'm convinced that our friendship would simply never recover from it. We'd live our lives without a single hope of ever getting back to this because you didn't go along with my plan," she says dramatically, smiling. "And that would be the worst thing to ever happen to either of us."

"Mhm," he says, rolling his eyes but a small smile pulls at his lips. "I believe you decided that we needed to figure this out."

"Well we do!"

"So far you've only stated the facts of what happened and some of the options of what to do. You're the one who decided we have to figure out exactly what this means before I'm even fully coherent."

"Drink your coffee faster."

"Solid advice coming from a woman who's already formed three plans before her first cup of coffee."

"You're right, there are about seventeen different possibilities in my mind at the moment based off of what decision we come to," she smiles at him. "Would you like to hear them?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then let's get it over with," he sighs, sipping his coffee in an attempt to not deal with a massive headache.

"First scenario is that we pretend this never happened and stay exactly the same. No awkwardness, last night is essentially wiped from our memories. Solid option, but it's impossible. Second is friends with benefits but we don't catch feelings. Again, solid option with no to minimal awkwardness, but I have a feeling we both know it won't end up happening, especially with me. Third is friends with benefits but we do catch feelings. Could end in repressing feelings or could end with us dating. Either way, ends up being fairly complicated. Fourth is that we begin dating. This one has equal pros and cons, primarily that if that ends up going south we won't have our friendship being the same and that would be the worst but that if it goes well, marriage. No more kids though, I think we've got enough of those.

"Fifth is we both move away and never see each other again. Not happening. We both would end up arrested. Or killed," Carly shudders at the thought, "Sixth option is that you go back to Sam and I begin the rather depressing at this age journey of dating. Seventh is that we acknowledge last night but continue as friends. Can't decide the pros and cons of that one."

"I haven't even finished my coffee yet and you're already planning seven different ideas for your future?" Jason asks, impressed and terrified at the same time. "Good god."

"Well now you have seven options to choose from. No pressure but if you choose five, I will never forgive you."

"Five is automatically out of the story, don't worry about that."

"In that case, you have six options to choose from."

"Why can't you choose?"

"Because I'm incapable of making a decision of this caliber on my own."

"But I'm not?"

"Fine, we'll make this decision together. After all, it affects us both." Carly agrees against her better judgement. "We should make a list."

"A list?" He groans. "This sounds dangerously close to a plan."

"It's not a plan, though. That's the beauty of it, we make a pros and cons list. From there, we make our decision."

"Most people would flip a coin."

"That's a terrible way to make a decision."

"Not really but fine, we'll make a list."

"I knew you'd give in."

To be continued when I'm not half asleep

oh dear-

[allsystemsarenotgo]

A friend and I were talking one day, and she shared this with me.

She was much like me, raised with a quarter between the knees, terrified of the things we were taught to avoid and trying to live reasonably noble lives. She wasn't allowed Birth Control for religious reasons (pro-life) as well as to prevent enablism. Her family was much more religious than mile, though I still went to church during my Sophomore, Junior, and Senior years of high school.

She married a guy 10 years older than herself, who was a long-time routine customer of her family's business. They married right after she graduated high school, long before she applied to higher education.

She is a nurse now. She has 3 kids, works long hours at a hospital, and her husband is a successful farmer as he always has been. She struggled at times, but she made it through.

She knows life would have been easier without the first child, but she was innocent and naiive and I think she realizes that she jumped in the deep end of the pool before learning how to swim.

I did the same thing.

All through high school I pledged to abstinence until marriage. I hated everything to do with sex. The topic, the drama, the action, the result. I wanted nothing to do with it.

But I also never dated through grade school at all. I never had a girlfriend. Plenty of crushes (M.S. above being one of them), but just as many denials. Because I didn't drink, smoke, do drugs, have FFA animals, or play athletics, I also wasn't a member of any social group. I was always the kid in the corner of the cafeteria scarfing food down in 5 minutes and sleeping the other 20, or asking to go to a teacher's classroom, where it was serene and quiet.

My freshman year of college, I even wrote an essay on abstinents for English class. That really didn't go over well in regards to having to read it out loud. There might as well have been fruit flying at me.

My dorm was set up such that we had 3 private bedrooms that shared a living space and bathroom. One of the roommates always had girls over, and he never tried to be quiet (or if he did, he failed...badly).

So those two things were my indoctrination to college life. Getting judged and leered at for writing an abstinence essay, and having to listen to a roommate multiple times a week.

Towards the very end of my freshman year, a girl from high school messaged me. We started talking, and she admitted that she had always had a crush on me and was too shy to ever say anything.

Error #1: For no good reason whatsoever, I agreed to formulate a relationship with this female

So when I moved home from the dorms, I hung out with the lass a few times, but my parents were moving out of the country and closer to my school, so I could live at home. That meant that this would now be a 1.5-hour-each-way medium-distance relationship.

So every 4th or 6th weekend during the remainder of that summer and into the fall semester, I would drive up and spend a day with her. Sometimes, I would drive her out of the country and into the city to give her a glimpse of escape (it was very impoverished where we grew up).

Error #2: Doing whatever made her happy

I really enjoyed the time that we spent together. She got me a purity necklace for Christmas that year. She said she understood that my preference meant something to me.

But then, something changed. She would start dropping enuindos and jokes and send me photos that I didn't ask for.

Error #3: Not standing up for myself

She said that I meant something to her, and asked me if she meant something to me. At the time, I did not comprehend that as a trap...but I wanted to make her happy, so I said "yes".

The next thing I know, she is booking a hotel for us for Valentine's day. Wherein, I learned a thing or two or five or ten that I really wasn't interested in learning in the first place.

-Provides Clorox to help scrub the thoughts from your mind-

After that, she wanted me to come see her more and more often. But I was tied up with school and life.

Mind you, we usually had a phone call every night, or at least every other night. Same time, right before bed. Sometimes we would fall asleep on the phone with eachother.

Error #4: Accepting anything as fact

Well one night, I called her, and she answered...but it was noisy in the background, like she was driving. But she never talked while driving, and wouldn't answer the phone with family in the car.

She said she was in a friend's car and they were going to the beach for the night, which was completely reasonable for the time of year and her group of friends. She cut the conversation short saying they had arrive, so we bid our greeting. But she didn't hang up, and something told me that I shouldn't either. So I didn't.

"Who was that?"

"Don't mind him. He was just calling to check on me. He's controlling like that."

"He sounds like a jerk"

"Enough about him. He won't do this."

-Provides more clorox-

And that's how I found out that her primal needs were more important than our "relationship".

Unfortunately, shortly after I broke up with her, I was sent a photo of her quite visibly pregnant. Fortunately, the timetable did not add up to Valentine's day (aside of the fact that it was physically/biologically 95% impossible).

That summer, I started a job at the student newspaper. Right off the bat, one of the graphic artists and I got along very well. We spent way too much time at work talking to eachother and goofing off, instead of working. Enough so that our boss took notice and things got tense for a bit with him. We still cranked out work no problem, but we were both too young to understand workplace policy and procedure when it comes to "dating but not dating", which is basically exactly what we were doing. We spent alot of time together. I would go to her dorm after class and we would watch movies and just goof off or do whatever. We enjoyed time together.

Error #1: So cliché. So, so cliché.

So Valentine's day rolls around, and she asks 'the question'.

So something in biology: There is a term called "Once an animal has the taste of blood, they will always hunt for it." Unfortunately, humans can sometimes be considered a sub-species of the animal kingdom.

Like the dumbass that I am, I accept to the terms and conditions.

And at the end of the night, she asks: "So are we officially dating now?"

"I...I guess?", I answered nervously.

Errors #2 to #457: Not escaping

And just like that, I was suckered into nearly 2.5 years of having a FWB while having to, very creatively at times, mask it as a legitimate relationship.

We enjoyed the time we spent together.

We enjoyed going places together.

My mum liked her, her parents liked me. (Dad was skeptical at best and thought I could do better)

The small issue: I struggled to communicate at times. I didn't know how to find my voice, so there were times that I would have to text her how I felt. Sometimes I would hide in a corner just so I could cry. (I later learned of my autism, and it all made sense and I learned how to resolve this)

The big issue: I was completely burned out on intimacy. After almost 2.5 years of emulating laboratory rabbits, I was done. My usefulness had expired.

The biggest issue: We were both suffering academically. We had no common interests at all anymore, and we had put eachother ahead of our own academics so much that we were both risking academic expulsion.

So we mutually agreed to break up.

She dropped out of university (and never went back or finished her schooling), and I changed majors twice before getting my Bachelor of Science.

My first relationship lasted from June 2009 to April 2010.

My second "relationship" lasted from February 2011 until May 2012 (Although we started spending time together in significant amounts starting August 2010)

I have not had a girlfriend since May 2012.

I had one friend in my senior year of college, who gave me some non-physical affection while also keeping me firmly locked in the friendzone. But quality time, by itself, only goes so far.

I have not had any physical affection since May 2012.

I have not spent quality time with a female since May 2013.

For most of that time, from May 2013 to August 2019, I really didn't mind it at all. I have been so tied up in working, hobbies, and life in general, that I completely ignored women.

But as my birthday loomed near in October 2019, it donned on me....I was on a crash course to being eternally lonely.

So I have tried online dating. I have gone on a few first dates, but no second dates.

Sometimes, I want to give up. The fight just doesn't seem worth the reward.

And honestly?

Sometimes I feel exactly like my friend's remarks at the top of this post. Sometimes I wish I would have been a little more rebellious, a little more care-free, a little more out-there.

But at the same time, ...

Sometimes I wish that neither relationship would have ever happened.

That I would have never learned the true definition of intimacy.

That I would have never done whatever it took to make the other person happy.

That I wouldn't have been such an easy push-over.

That I would have stuck to my initial pledge in life

That I would have spoke up more and defended myself.

All I am now, is damaged product.

I don't truly know how to love.

I don't truly know how to feel.

I don't truly know how to be myself.

I don't truly know how to be intimate.

I am human, I am male, so of course I have my moments. But I don't want that to be the reason for a relationship. I want it to be the least-important factor, or not a factor at all.

I want a relationship founded on trust, honesty, fortitude, common interests, personality, maybe even a little faith.

Not intimacy.

I just want to not be invisible, or to only have one attribute visible.

I want to be seen for all the other attributes.

I am not A-sexual. I still feel emotions and feelings. I just don't want to let them out of the locked box which contains them. Not without lots of context and preparedness.

[buzzworddotie]

The 8th Amendment Referendum in Ireland

And how history is being rewritten one step at a time

It's been a long time coming but on May 25th 2018 the people of Ireland were asked if they would like to amend the Constitution to decriminalise abortion in Ireland.

What's it all about?

Up until now, an Irish women who seeked out an abortion for personal reasons or medical ones was a criminal under Irish law. A woman would have to either travel to the UK or attempt to dangerously take abortion pills acquired illegally at home under zero medical supervision.

Or the alternative, for years, decades, Ireland and the stronghold held over her by the Catholic Church, would force girls and women into homes to have the baby. Often these babies wound up dead, buried away, hidden. Bones have been found in septic tanks.

Girls and women were treated brutally.

Secret pregnancies were also a thing, who knows how many women and girls suffered in silence?

Right up until May 25th 2018.

That's when we finally got to be heard.

Enough is Enough

I can't take a single piece of credit for getting this vote to happen but there are countless women who can. Women who have been banging on doors, demanding bodily autonomy, demanding rights, demanding choice. Finally the demand was heard, finally the government agreed to allow the people to make a decision.

The Campaigns

As soon as the vote was announced, I knew this was not going to be a particularly nice campaign. That's putting it lightly. In 2015 Ireland held the Marriage Referendum. An opportunity to change the Constitution to recognise and allow same sex marriage in Ireland. It passed, of course, but the campaign was filled with some uneducated, hateful rhetoric fuelled by the Catholic Church. Regardless of how much they wanted to deny it, hardcore religious groups and their followers were against that law with vigor and venom.

And I knew that hate would amplify for this one. I already knew what way I wanted to vote, I didn't need anyone to convince me either way, much like the Marriage Ref. But unlike then when I did tune into radio debates and absorbed the arguments, this time I made the conscious decision to avoid it as much as possible.

Marketing

Despite that it was tough to avoid, every pole, every surface available was covered with Yes and No posters. The Yes posters usually said something like "Yes for choice" "Together for Yes" or a simple "Repeal"...

Murals went up by artists like Maser, badges were made, Repeal jumpers and through the help of crowd sourcing the Yes campaign managed to gain more support for their message.

Our message.

On the No side there were an abundance of posters, I have seen images of feotus in the womb telling me babies will be murdered. Billboards across towns, rural and otherwise.

The whole thing turned into a massive marketing campaign. To a degree, on both sides. Paid ads on social media, Google and streaming services, posters... So... Many... Posters.

Social media attacks, hashags... I just didn't want to hear it. I know burying your head in the sand isn't a solution but I personally don't believe that an issue as important as this should boil down to who has the most money to promote a post or buy a billboard.

One thing I will say is that, at least where I have travelled, there was far more "No" campaign imagery than "Yes". Those were the ones with the billboards, the video ads that interrupted my viewing and I had to wonder, where was all this money coming from?

In the end Google and Facebook to the best of my knowledge pulled paid advertising on their platforms but there were other means.

Attacks on People, places and things

Another side of the campaign was the inevitable attacks. Digital rows blazed up as the concept of reasoned debate flew out the window. Some of the words I have witnessed being used against women on social media were beyond appalling, disgusting, shameful.

Were there bot accounts? Yes, there were. It doesn't take too much probing to see that and that minor exercise in investigation proved that really the "No" side was in the minority. It was clear but you could never be certain.

And by no means would I ever suggest the "Yes" side were entirely innocent, I just didn't catch the trolling by them.

"No" campaigners also attacked places, apparently in one constituency very graphic posters were hung very close to a school, causing uproar.

They also stood outside maternity hospitals.

Let me reiterate that, MATERNITY HOSPITALS.

They stood outside them holding graphic posters, other establishments too, but that one made me sick to my stomach.

Then on the stunning Benbulben, in my home county, a place I adore, they stuck a massive "NO" sign. For some reason this triggered me. Using the landscape of this country, which throughout history has been defined with feminine pronouns, to announce that women's rights were not of value was disgusting.

Photo: https://garethwray.com/product/classiebawn-benbulben-sligos-iconic-duo/

Not more disgusting than standing outside a hospital or plastering graphic and insensitive imagery around a school but a different kind of insult. As if they were claiming this land shared their voice.

What was even weirder was the fact the people who did it were practically a parody of themselves, announcing on radio that the men had put up the sign as the women made them tea and sanwiches.

This had to be a joke, right?

It's not funny

Truthfully though, this issue wasn't a joke, not to me or to anyone involved. This vote could actually be the difference between life and death for so many women.

By night, reports were coming out saying that the turnout to vote had been exceptional, people had been travelling back home from all around the country to take part.

Many popular Irish female voices had been so loud in their messages to push this cause, many Irish men got involved too stressing the importance of men getting behind women, taking a stand with them, recognising this is their issue too. Women should not be alone in this.

Soon we began to hear the results from the Exit Polls. First the Irish Times showing a landslide in favour of Repealing. It was something like 68% in favour, an insane number.

RTE Uses Us

The "main" Irish broadcaster, the state owned one, decided to announce their Exit Polls on what I think is supposed to be a late night chat show, The Late Late Show.

I found this disgusting and I didn't watch, because I never watch, because it's utter fucking drivel. But what RTE did was decide to use this campaign for their own ratings gain. They knew people would tune in and so they decided to, as far as I know, discuss how "Toxic Masculinity is a Myth", very fucking timely decision lads. As well as this they had some gobshite on NATIONAL TV talking about how she speaks to fairies.

Because heaven forbid we take a step forward as a nation.

Now, I don't know at what stage they announced the results but I do know that it wasn't before any of that other shite. Again, that was a calculated move and they will point to those viewing figures to justify the ridiculous wages that we fund for that show and it's (wooden) presenter. I'll pause that one right there.

History is Rewritten

In a move that has the potential to shock anyone not clued into who most modern Irish people actually are, the "Yes" side achieved a mammoth victory with over 1.4 million people deciding to Vote Yes, over 66% of voters.

And the 8th Amendment has been Repealed. I am so proud of all of us.

Photo: Maser, https://deandublin.ie/events/maser-exhibition/

What Now?

So where do we go from here?

I can never shake a Bell X1 lyric from my head in times like this. Fitting, given they are an Irish band:

"...History is written by the winners. And I want my say."

If we want to continue to create an Ireland that is just, inclusive, fair and reasonable we have to keep banding together and becoming the winners. The people on the reasoned side do not always need to feel like they are being walked all over.

That's how things have felt for so long, I won't even say in the past because it is still happening. This moment was monumental and something that, just like the Marriage Referendum, should be really allowed to sink into the minds of every single person who voted, the real power of what was achieved this day is epic.

We didn't just pop an X next to a box. We have literally changed the Constitution of this nation twice. We have asked to please get a chance to update this nation to reflect who we are and not to be bound to the decisions of the past, which maybe were the right decisions back then or maybe the alternative was too alternative. We had to crawl for a while, but we started to walk and now we have the chance to run.

I don't want our interest in matters like this to start and stop with things that are so clearly emotive. There is so much more to do to keep pushing forward.

And the further we move ahead the more resistance will be out against us but we can't turn a blind eye.

OK the 8th is Repealed, what can we put in place now to ensure any womelan who require ls a clinic is not harassed with hate on entry and exit as is the case in other countries?

And there are more issues outside of this.

We need to really strive to separate Church from state, the stranglehold the Church has over schools is poisonous. There are laws that exist that people are not even aware of, did you know that if you work as a teacher in one of the many, many Church affiliated schools and you do something outside of the Catholic ethos like sleep with someone outside of marraige, they can fire you?! Can you believe this shit!?

Then there are the other social issues including housing, homelessness, classism which are still very active and we need to fight back against those structures too.

We have to keep saying when enough is enough.

We have to keep looking out for each other, from all walks of life.

Sure, An Taoisach gave some really character defining moments during this debate but he and his party need to be just as active in helping people out elsewhere. Maybe it won't get them as much PR but it should and if they make the best decisions it will.

Simon Harris has been charming people during these debates. Is that enough? Is that all it takes? He is Minister for Health of a system that is simply disasterous. A system where hospitals are under funded, where women are being improperly diagnosed with ceverical cancer, where patients are left on trolleys, where I don't know if my own father is getting the best treatment he can be getting right now because I simply do not trust the HSE.

The rich are getting richer, you can barely afford a basic, single bedroom roof over your head. People, families are homeless. Maybe the few are doing well but I'd argue the majority are struggling still.

Prospects are few and far between.

Really heinous crimes have been committed, some very recently, against women and girls. A lot of them. These are issues too that need to be examined, there is an underlying problem to this that needs to be addressed.

Mental Health needs to be treated as a real issue with real, available and affordable treatment. People should be able to get counselling or therapy as easily as they can get the flu shot.

That barely scratches the surface.

Yes, we achieved something outstanding and worth celebrating but this should be the fire in our belly to ignite us to realise we can do so much more.

We don't have to sit back and take our lot. We need to keep demanding better from our leaders and our services from the extreme examples to the basics of decent roads, schools and water.

The water in my own home been undrinkable for nearly 6 months that we are aware of. And it could have been longer.

Honestly the Irish rail service Iarnrod Eireann's slogan sums us up perfectly, "We're not there yet. But we're getting there."

This country is moving forward but we can't stop demanding true equality, for everyone.

A chairde, comhghairdeas, rinneamar stair le chéile. Ligeann an treocht seo a choinneáil.

Is féidir linn é a dhéanamh.

[ciceroprofacto]

Do you think Hamilton was a virgin when he married and consummated his marriage with Elizabeth? Of course he doesn't seem "virginal" lol but if not, how did men at that time have sexual relationships with women they knew they weren't going to marry and not produce a pregnancy or rumors about it? Plus, if you do think Ham lost his virginity prior to Eliza, do you have any inferences on when, or who?

I’m sure she wasn’t his first. But, before I answer this- again, it’s not like something like that would’ve been written down, so I can only make assumptions.

As always, men were under less pressure than women to wait until marriage, and the culture of the West Indies was less rigid about matters of chastity than many other places in the colonies. I doubt that, while he lived there, Hamilton was as concerned about rumors as he would be later. Some of that is subject to interpretation depending on how you think he would’ve been effected by rumors that were spread about his mother and how that would probably change under Hugh Knox’s mentorship.

You also have to keep in mind courtships were carried on with a lot of innuendo, so rumors, if they happened, couldn’t necessarily be proven, and I feel like I’m not the one to explain the many ways men and women can have sex without risking pregnancy- there’s different positions, methods, and times people can be intimate without risking it. Talk to your parents. Or even better, your grandparents- about how they avoided it.

As to when or who to speculate about, in April 1771, an ‘A.H.’ submitted two poems to the Royal Danish American Gazette, I’ve included under the cut. Historians believe it was Hamilton who wrote them and he claims to be ‘about seventeen’- he’d be barely 16, but he was writing mature sexual innuendo and probably wanted some anonymity. This was also during the time he would’ve been mentored by Hugh Knox and was more religious than he would later be, especially during the war.The first poem talks about a more devoted romance, maybe one he was imagining with a crush or one he watched. It’s funny because it talks about marriage with an idyllic view- which would totally flip by the time he was working as an aide with Washington (so he maybe got his heart broken a few too many times or had a proposal shot down). The second is more playful and takes the tone he later uses in his letters with Kitty Livingston where he teases her with jocular insults. But, the second one, whoever Cœlia is, it sounds like their relationship was definitely consummated.

Also- there’s a compelling case to be made that he was intimate with John Laurens, seeing as how he employed him to paint his picture as a lover in his April 79 letter.

So there’s at least two names that we have a case for with a grey area around Kitty Livingston.

[St. Croix, April 6, 1771] To the Printer of the Royal Danish American Gazette:Sir,I am a youth about seventeen, and consequently such an attempt as this must be presumptuous; but if, upon perusal, you think the following piece worthy of a place in your paper, by inserting it you’ll much oblige Your obedient servant,A.H.

In yonder mead my love I foundBeside a murm’ring brook reclin’d:Her pretty lambkins dancing roundSecure in harmless bliss.I bad the waters gently glide,And vainly hush’d the heedless wind,Then, softly kneeling by her side,I stole a silent kiss—

She wak’d, and rising sweetly blush’dBy far more artless than the dove:With eager haste I onward rush’d,And clasp’d her in my arms;Encircled thus in fond embraceOur panting hearts beat mutual love—A rosy-red o’er spread her faceAnd brighten’d all her charms.

Silent she stood, and sigh’d consentTo every tender kiss I gave;I closely urg’d—to church we went,And hymen join’d our hands.Ye swains behold my bliss complete;No longer then your own delay;Believe me love is doubly sweetIn wedlocks holy bands.—

Content we tend our flocks by day,Each rural pleasures amply taste;And at the suns retiring rayPrepare for new delight:When from the field we haste away,And send our blithsome care to rest,We fondly sport and fondly play,And love away the night.

…

Cœlia’s an artful little slut;Be fond, she’ll kiss, et cetera—butShe must have all her will;For, do but rub her ’gainst the grainBehold a storm, blow winds and rain,Go bid the waves be still.

So, stroking puss’s velvet pawsHow well the jade conceals her clawsAnd purs; but if at lastYou hap to squeeze her somewhat hard,She spits—her back up—prenez garde;Good faith she has you fast.