#shhh shhh quiet everyone hes seeing into the truths of the universe

[andi-o-geyser]

A thousand words contained in this image

[ja3yun]

Picturesque | P.SH

bf!sunghoon x gf!reader

warnings: smut (mdni), unprotected sex, oral (m&f receiving), pet names, fluff, pornography (? sunghoon takes pictures while they do the deed), multiple orgasms, they're sickeningly cute, not proof read, anything i've missed lmk

wc: 4.6k+

synopsis: it's your boyfriend sunghoon's birthday and you want to make it special. your present goes down much better than anticipated.

a/n: hi! it's my best boys' birthday today <3 i know you're all waiting for the next part of tstab but i couldn't resist to post this. its just a one shot because i love him sm and my brain is always thinking about him but esp on his birthday. hope you like it!

You open your eyes to darkness, the only light coming from the orange streetlight outside. Warmth is felt around your waist and down your back as your boyfriend, Sunghoon, sleeps soundly. Looking at the clock you see it read 3.34am. Perfect.

Today was Sunghoon’s 21st birthday. He said he didn’t want a big fuss, simply to have everyone around to your shared apartment for some dinner and drinks. One thing about your boyfriend is that he was a simple guy with simple needs. That didn’t mean you couldn’t decorate the place for him though.

Planning this was a strategic effort even though it seemed simple. Sunghoon was smart, too smart, and if you slipped up even once about your plans he could easily piece it together. It’s not like you were preparing some big extravagant surprise with fireworks and magicians or something, no, you couldn’t even dream of something so lavish. Truth is with both of you being University students with minimum-wage part-time jobs, you were barely making rent. You don’t regret moving in together, it was the right decision, you just wished the government wasn’t filled with incapable idiots and put everyone in a cost-of-living crisis. So you have to make do with what you have, even if you think it’s not enough.

Peeling your lover's arm from your waist you make haste to start decorating the living room. Your flat was small so you had to be extremely quiet, like don’t breathe quiet, but with you and your lack of ability to produce any noise lower than 120 decibels it is going to be a challenge. Sunghoon loved how loud you were compared to his quieter demeanor, making sure to tell you to be as loud as you want and that he would never complain. He especially made this known in your bedroom.

You put on his white shirt from the night before and gingerly shut the door behind you as you vacate the room, leaving Sunghoon sleeping. In your hall cupboard, you had hidden an Asda bag filled with decorations like banners, balloons, and streamers. Their selection of stuff is to be desired and none of it matches but you’ll make it work. 

Looking around your living room with a sigh of discontentment you place all the decorations out on your coffee table. “Okay, where do I start?” Your voice is a whisper as you speak to yourself. “I should start with balloons. Yeah, balloons.”

The balloons you wanted were the big number balloons so you could have the 21 as the centrepiece but the very bitter middle-aged lady in Card Factory made it very clear there weren’t any 2’s in store. What kind of place runs out of 2’s? You had to settle for black, white, and gold multi-pack.

You shut your eyes tight and swallow your breath down as the plastic rustles far too loudly. “Shhh.” A warning to the inanimate object is wasted but it’s all you can think to do. This is going to take a while.

As the morning goes on you’ve managed to blow up the balloons and group them into 3-a-piece, hanging them up on each side of the big window and in the corners. You thought you were a goner when one of the white balloons almost escaped your grasp and started flying around the room but you grabbed it just in time. Checking the time on the clock you see it’s 4.30am. It really took you an hour for the balloons. Banners were next on your list but they should be easier surely.

Grabbing the automne you’ve been using as a ladder you successfully put 3 banners up in 20 minutes. If you had the time you’d celebrate but you still had so much to do before he gets up. “One more.” You place your hands on your hips and blow some hair out of your face as you smile. It’s ugly, it doesn’t match the others at all. The banner is silver with just the letters ‘Happy Birthday’ held together by a tacky white ribbon. You really wish you could do better than this but alas here you are climbing up to situate it above the TV. This is a little trickier since you have to stretch to reach the wall because of the TV unit that sticks out. 

You fail to notice your boyfriend leaning by the doorframe with his arms crossed and a cheeser of a smile on his face. He wanted to see how long it would take you to notice his presence but he thinks he’ll be waiting a long time. You’re too engrossed in your task to even hear his footsteps coming up behind you.

“Babe?” His deep morning voice scares you and you stumble on the automne, almost falling backward. Sunghoon’s eyes widen as he registers what's happening and rushes to catch you. “Shit, Y/N. You okay?” He places one of his warm hands on your backside and the other on your knee, stroking them both gently to make sure you’re okay.

Only your heart was not okay, thumping loudly as a rush of heat spreads through your chest from the adrenaline of nearly crashing into the table behind you. When you calm down you laugh and lean on his shoulder to step down. “I’m okay.”

Now you’ve properly come to you bring your hands to your mouth as your eyes widen. “You’re not supposed to be up this early!” As if it’s his fault you slap his chest and he chuckles in disbelief.

“Sorry, babe, if I had known you were planning to surprise me I would have slept longer.” Oh. He’s right but still. Not fair.

“I didn’t even get to put up the streamers or that shitty banner.” Dramatically, you wave your arms around and scowl at the devil banner. “It was supposed to be finished so when you walked in I could go ‘Ta-Da!’ and you would be all like ‘Oh my god, Y/N. You’re the best girlfriend ever. This is incredible.’” Sunghoon lets out a loud laugh and brings his hands to your face.

“Okay, okay, let me walk back in and we’ll do it again.” You pout at his suggestion but shake your head as much as you can considering he’s now squishing your cheeks.

“There’s no point now.” Sunghoon sees your disappointment and he matches your saddened expression.

“I’m sorry, babe. You worked so hard on this and I ruined it.”

“Yeah, you did.” You joke while he places a kiss on your forehead and lets you go. 

Sunghoon looks around the room at all your efforts. His eyes are filled with admiration and love, everything you did was his favourite but somehow you top it every time. All that energy you spent wasting on worry because you couldn’t give him more was so silly because he was so appreciative that you would even take the time to do any of this, especially when he said he didn’t want a  fuss.

His eyes meet yours and he sighs, “Beautiful, you didn’t have to do all this.” You are so busy between all your Uni work and grueling shifts at the restaurant that he doesn’t even know when you had time to get any of this stuff. “It’s just my birthday.”

“It’s your 21st! It’s special!” You protest. “I would have done something more extra but,”

He knows. It’s tight right now between bills and time but none of that matters to him, not right now, not when he has you beside him. “Babe it’s perfect, really. I like the uh,” he points between the decorations, “the green and pink banner and the gold balloons, brings a certain class to the room.” He jokes and you hide your face in embarrassment in his chest, mumbling a little ‘It’s all they had’. “Y/N I love it.” He bends down a little until his face is just below yours, “Seriously. Thank you.”

All the trouble was worth it just to see his smile right now. You peck his lips, “Happy Birthday, Hoonie.” Circling your arms around him as he towers back over you, he kisses the top of your head and then pulls away slightly to kiss your lips. Sunghoon feels so loved by you. The kiss is filled with love and desire so when you pull back he audibly groans.

“Do you want your present?” Not unlike you, but you’re nervous. You had been saving up for his gift since February so no pressure or anything. Inside you’re screaming, your brain working overtime in the anxious department. What if he hates it? “Or do you want to wait a bit?”

“If you’re the present then I’ll take it right now.” He captures your lips back into a kiss. If he wasn’t so into this kiss he would have noticed your playful eye roll. Sunghoon had the impeccable ability to make you have butterflies in your stomach while also frustrating you at how horny he is. He truly is still just a man.

“Hoonie I’m serious.” You pull away and he sighs.

“So am I.” His large hands grope your ass to pull you towards him. When he looks at your face he removes his hands from your body and holds them up defensively. “Okay, I get it. But I told you nothing crazy.” 

Sunghoon didn’t care for gifts and that’s why giving this one to him made you feel like you were going to throw up and cry. He was either going to love it or be mad that you bought it.

“Close your eyes.” Doing as he’s told he screws his eyes shut and you turn to dig through the automne. It wasn’t the safest place to leave it considering it took for him to look for one letter or magazine to find it, but it’s better than nothing. The present is perfectly wrapped with glossy white paper, accented with a gold ribbon, you wanted it all to be perfect. “Put out your hands.”

Once his hands are flat you place the box gently in his hands and he opens his eyes. His smile falls a little as he looks between the box and you. “Y/N this is big.” He’s skeptical and his face doesn’t hide it which sends your anxiety through the roof. “Please don’t tell me it’s something exp-”

“Can you just appreciate it and open it please?” He’s hurt by your words. Of course he cherishes anything you do or buy for him, he just doesn’t want you wasting money on him and with the size of this box, he fears you might have.

“Babe of course I appreciate it, you know I do.” You pout and push the box to his chest. 

“Then open it and tell me you love it. And don’t get mad.” When you say that he shuts his eyes. “I promise it’s nothing like mad expensive. Scouts honour.” You hold a hand to your chest and one in the air.

Sitting down on the couch he unwraps the gift and sees a plain black box. His fingertips feel the edges before he opens it and his eyes widen bigger than they ever have before, he doesn’t move. 

He hates it. Obviously he does. You bite your nails looking at him slowly take out the gift and examine it. “Y/N this is..” He trails off, looking intently at it.

Last year Sunghoon had gotten back into photography, just a hobby, nothing major, but he found a real passion in it this year. He carried the thing everywhere, taking pictures of everything he found pretty - most of the memory card was filled with you. Nonetheless, he didn’t have a case for it, and considering it cost him like 2 months' worth of rent, and that was it being second-hand, you felt like he needed to protect it properly. 

So you got him a custom leather case to fit his vintage Minolta TC-1 camera, his initials embroidered on the front lefthand side. The Etsy seller was even nice enough to throw in a strap that matched. You were lying when you said it wasn’t super costly, it did take months to save up for, but as you see his shocked face change into one filled with glee, you know it was worth it.

“Y/N, this is too much.” The smile on his face said otherwise, it was just perfect.  “Babe, seriously, this must have cost you a shit ton of money.” 

Shrugging you play it off, “Nah, got a good deal on it.” 

Like a child at Christmas, he stands up and strides over to embrace you, the hug said everything he couldn’t. There were no words to describe how much he loved it, how much he loved you.

“Let me go get my camera!” Sunghoon was easily excitable and as he ran to your bedroom to retrieve his camera you could only laugh. The pitter-patter of his feet getting faster the closer he got back to the living room was the cutest thing you have ever seen. Struggling to get the camera in the case due to excitement, you walked over and took the case from his hands, “Here, babe.” You slot it in and thank the heavens it fits and in hindsight, you probably should have checked before giving it to him.

“Babe, I love it so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” He kisses all over your face. He was such a cutie, you never understood why people were intimidated by him. But then again, with a face so gorgeous who wouldn’t be? And you were the only one that really got to see this side of him.

“I’m glad you like it, Hoonie.” He corrects you and repeats the word ‘love’ which makes you smile.

Turning the camera on he brings it to his face and adjusts it. You take the opportunity of his preoccupied state to clear up some of the mess from the decorations and his present. You contemplate whether you should attempt to finish decorating but you don’t see the point, maybe finish it before the others come over.

A shutter sound echoes in the quiet room and you spin around to see your birthday boy smiling widely as the camera is pointed at you.

“Hoon, stop! I’m not even dressed yet.”

Your words seem to spark a mischievous glint in his eye and you have no clue what he is thinking. Sunghoon slowly walks over to you, “You know,” he wears the strap of the camera around his neck and takes the rubbish from your hands and discards it to the couch, “That’s not a bad idea.” Perplexment shows on your face. When did anything you just say sound like an idea? “I could take your picture.” 

“Babe you always take my picture.” 

“Not while I’m fucking you I haven’t.” 

Your jaw hits the floor. For the first time in your life, you are speechless, utterly gobsmacked. “No way.” You’re a generally shy person despite your loud personality so you would never think to do anything like this.

“Come on, Y/N.” He strokes your hair and uses a lower octave voice to try and persuade you, “They’ll just be for me, literally no one else will see them. You know I would never show them to anyone.”

Evidently he wouldn’t, he doesn’t even like it when you both go out dressed up nice and guys even think about looking at you. This was for him when you were on long shifts or in classes. Something he could use to jerk off to when his wank bank of memories won’t suffice. 

He’s too persuasive because the next thing you know you’re taking his hand and pulling him to the bedroom. Glancing around the surroundings you sigh. “Can I tidy up first?” 

“Why?” He laughs confused.

“I just don’t want the pictures taken with all this mess lying around, it’s un-aesthetically pleasing.”

His quiet almost silent laugh rings in your ears and you smile defeated. “Baby, do you think for one fucking second I am going to be looking at the slippers on the ground or Mr. Giles in the corner.” Mr. Giles, your childhood teddy bear, has seen far too much of what has gone on in these four walls but why is it when Sunghoon mentions his name you want to cuddle him and apologise?

“Mr. Giles is camera shy okay?” Your boyfriend picks him up, places a kiss on his nose, and places him facing the wall. 

“There. See.” He pushes you to lie on the bed, “Now, let me do my job, yeah?” His hands are on your waist in no time, the camera swinging from his neck now lays on your stomach as he bends down. The coldness of the object makes you shiver but you’re soon heating up when you feel his fingers dip into the waistband of your panties and pull them down. You hear him mutter ‘So fucking beautiful’ as his face is level with your core. Thinking he’s just going to get right down to business, you spread your legs but he stands up. “I need to take a before shot.” 

Click

Click

Click

He takes pictures as you lay there in only his shirt, some at a lower angle to get your perfect pussy in focus. His eyes are telling you he’s trying to refrain from just delving in, from absolutely ingurgitating you, it’s a patience he usually doesn’t have. 

“On your knees for me, beautiful.” Being obedient like always, you do what he says. “Gonna get you to suck my cock, okay?” You don’t wait to be told what to do next because your hands are reaching for his boxers to pull them down. Cocks are either fucking beautiful or ugly, and Sunghoon had the prettiest cock of them all. His reddening tip slaps his stomach and you mewl out loud. “Don’t show off for the camera baby, okay? Just do it the way you always do.” 

Sunghoon loves the way you lovingly lap his cock, trying to fit it all in your mouth but he’s so big you can’t take it all the way in without choking. It’s cute to him how eager to please him you are.

You sit your hands on his hips and lick a stripe from his balls to the tip before taking his tip in your mouth. “Fuck.” You hear Sunghoon breathe out and it makes you look up. This is the moment you wish you could take the camera and snap a picture of him. Maybe you need to suggest that at a later date.

Right now it’s Sunghoon’s birthday and it’s whatever he wants. You suck his cock in earnest, grabbing the base to cover the part of his cock you can’t fit into your mouth. He’s like you’re favourite meal and while you used to hate sucking dick there’s something so pleasing about him and the way he tastes. 

Forgetting his original intentions he grabs your hair and tightens it into a tight pony, pulling at it. “B-babe, so fucking good at this.” It’s not until he looks down at you working him up and down he sees the camera. He uses both hands to put you into focus and takes a few pictures. Some are just a close-up of your lips enveloping his shaft, others are simple POV shots. It’s when you look up as you hear the shuttering from the camera that he starts really taking the pictures with determination to capture how beautiful you look in this moment. The eye contact to the camera has his chest growling. “That’s my pretty girl, made for the camera, huh?”

He wasn’t big on dirty talk but right now he felt like a whole different person, and this person wanted you to hear how good you made him feel.

Picking up the pace you start to slabber down your chin, losing yourself in the action. Sunghoon is so close to cumming that when he pulls you off his cock he whimpers. You are both panting and clouded with lust, your plumped-up lips aren’t helping Sunghoon, and his leaking cock isn’t helping you. 

“You’re a natural on this camera, babe.” His hand reaches down to wipe the saliva and particles of his cum from your lips. Click. Another perfect moment. “Can’t wait for you to see it from my point of view.”

“Sunghoon, I love you but I am not looking at those ever.” There is a big part of you that actually would like to see it, but you’re too embarrassed to even imagine what you look like. 

“You’re missing out, beautiful. Nothing more picturesque than you choking on my cock.” Sunghoon says the filthy sentence so casually and it flips your stomach. “Lay down for me.”

Removing the camera from his frame he places it on the bedside table. Is he finished taking pictures? “Hoon wha-”

Sunghoon’s face is in between your legs and licking up your folds before you can ask your question but his actions answer it anyway. If he was your favourite meal, you were certainly his. Fuck, you were his favourite everything. He was sucking your clit so suddenly you arched your back, the action pressing your pussy further into his face which elicited a hum of approval from him. The sucking was harsh, overwhelming, so much so you hadn’t even noticed how his fingers lightly trailed your thigh. 

His palm pushed your right leg open further, his mouth never letting up on your sensitive bud.

“Hoonie,” A moan of his name leaves your lips, your hand grabbing him and pushing it towards your entrance. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing but still listens to your silent request, his middle finger circling your opening. 

The birthday boy wishes he could do this and take pictures because he knows you look so fucking beautiful right now. Even the image in his head of you arched in his work shirt, mouth agape and moaning, could make him cum right now. Instead, it just fuels him so keep going at your clit, throwing in some light nibbles every so often.

Slipping his middle finger into you he curls it exactly how you like it. After 2 years of fucking you, he’d say he could easily get a PhD in how to please you, certainly how to make you cum. And what you like is way more than just one finger, so he adds two more sending you crazy.

“Fuck, fuck, Hoonie, so good.” The moans and profanities leaving your lips make him smirk, knowing you’re close. He makes his tongue rigid and uses it to stimulate your nub, going fast and hard in rhythm with his fingers and within a minute your thighs are clamping his head and your coating his tongue with your cum. “Shit, my god, m’cumming.”

He almost laughs at you because of course you’re coming, he’s tasting it right now and it’s better than any meal or cake he’s going to get today. 

Your trembling thighs open slightly and he peaks his head up to see you, quickly grabbing his camera. “What a fucking sight,” Sunghoon whispers before clicking. Your arm is laid over your face, his shirt is held together by one button in the middle of your torso, and most importantly your cunt is glistening. He wants to blow this picture up on a canvas and hang it in the living room, but you would never agree and his friend would never leave your house. 

As you catch your breath, Sunghoon crawls to hover over you. “Babe you look so fucking good right now.”

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer.” You laugh and finally bring your arm away from your eyes. Your essence still on his lips somehow makes you wetter than you already are.

“You’re so funny.” His sarcastic tone makes you laugh harder. “Now I need to make a decision

“What?”

“Do I want your pussy filled with my cum, or it splattered on your stomach?" 

Oh, you might just have a second orgasm right now. It’s not implausible at this moment. “Well, you have my permission for anything,” You kiss his lips, moaning as he instantly sticks his tongue down your throat. Breaking the moment you bite your lip, “And y’know, if you can cum twice you could get a double shot.”

The camera is pushed back on the table and his dick is touching your entrance, “I’ll make it a surprise what one comes first then, huh?” With that, he’s sliding into your heat, both of you gasping in unison. You’re tight around his cock, your walls dragging themselves perfectly along his hard shaft. 

“Shit, babe, feel so fucking good.” If he could record this moment and make it 4DX he would hire out a Cineworld screen every day and watch it on repeat.

Thrusting into you with purpose, one of his big hands gently encloses your throat, not tight enough to cut off your air but enough to have you roll your eyes back. It’s taking all his willpower not to just fuck you rough and hard because if he does he’ll cum instantly and that’s just not going to happen, not on his watch. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. So perfect.” He brings his mouth to your ear, “My pretty girl, I love you so much.” 

You cry out in love and pleasure as he starts to pick up the pace, his cock hitting your soft spot every time. To him, you were the only present he ever needed. 

Sunghoon nibbles your earlobe, keeping his rhythm steady, continuing to whisper in your ear, “You wanna cum?”

“Yes, fuck yes please, Hoon.” He takes your hand from your throat and places it beside your head to give him more stability as he relentlessly fucks into you, his lips sucking in yours as he loses control, his only thought right now is to make you come undone on his dick. 

From the last orgasm you had it doesn’t take long before you’re cumming again, the aftershocks still buzzing and only adding to the sensation. You’re gripping his arms and crawling down them, legs shaking as you loosely wrap them around him. There’s no energy left in your body so as he fucks you deep, your spent body only moves due to the power of his thrusts. “You’re doing so good, I’m nearly there, babe.” He mumbles into your neck as he nuzzles into you.

You’re getting a tiny bit overstimulated but you know he’s close so you bear with it, mustering up all you have left to whisper, “Come on, Hoonie, don’t you wanna get the perfect shot?” 

His seed fills you instantaneously as your words echo in his ear, his body jittering as he coats your walls, his hips losing their rhythm and coming to a standstill. 

Heavy breathing and banging heartbeats are all you both hear as you compose yourselves. Sunghoon falls on top of you, his softening cock still buried inside you. Rubbing soothing circles on his back makes him smile widely and look at you. “Thank you, babe. For the present.”

“You’re welcome.” Lazily you plant a feather kiss on his nose. You reach over and grab the camera, “Well, you got a picture to take.” 

Smirking, Sunghoon takes the camera and slides out of you, taking in the view of his cum dripping out of you onto the bedsheets. It’s a work of art. “Pose for me, pretty girl.” You open your legs a little wider and try your hardest to look sexy for him.

The camera clicks a few times, each shot more beautiful than the last. You’re his muse, his everything, his best birthday present.

“Now,” He puts the camera away and lays on you once again, “I think for my next birthday I might ask for a camcorder.” 

[hyufucks]

HOW MANY SECRETS CAN U KEEP?

pairing ➳ choi yeonjun + fem!reader

c. warning(s) — university!au, public sex, degradation, overstimulation, unprotected sex, dirty talk, age gap.

w. count — 6,024

✦ minors do not interact.

there are a couple of secrets that, of course, only you know.

first secret: at the age of fourteen, you smoked weed for the first time on the wall that was left in the schoolyard together with other guys. yes, you were too young to try that, but everyone in your class and in your school itself had already tried weed.

second secret: you ran away when you were sixteen to go to a party that was far from your house. Honestly, you didn't have a great time.

third secret: you stole and modified an exam because you had forgotten to do an exercise.

and finally, the fourth secret: you are in a kind of sexual relationship with the captain of the university basketball team, choi yeonjun.

why do you have a secret relationship with him? you see, a few months ago you and him had agreed to keep whatever you have a secret for both of your sakes, since girls would be shocked and lash out if they found out that the most handsome guy in university is having a relationship with someone, and your teachers would really care about your grades and reputation, possibly blaming your relationship if you do poorly on a test.

most of the sexual encounters take place on the campus, the toilets, the small garden in the back, the parking, etc.

of course the current situation in the teacher's room is not far behind.

your legs are wrapped around yeonjun's waist as he hits you deep in all the right places, squeezing and digging his nails into the skin of your shaped thighs.

his head is thrown back, sighing and breathing loudly just for you. his dark hair is messy and slightly wet, leaving a few strands of hair clinging to the skin on his forehead.

you try to keep quiet so as not to be catch, but he is fucking you so good that it is impossible to keep your mouth shut against the stimuli that you love to receive only from him.

you grip his jacket tightly with one hand and with the other you scratch his neck, leaving visible scratch marks that will soon turn dark red.

“y-yeonjun…” his hand quickly covers your mouth, squeezing it tightly to keep you quiet.

"shhh, don't be so loud" he begins to speak in a low tone, looking into your eyes "you don't want us to be catch out and everyone finds out what a slut the model student is, do you?" he asks amused. you nod quickly as you begin to feel tears welling up in your eyes, wetting the older's hand.

the truth is that yeonjun is a year older than you. you were in first year when you first saw him, and now you are in your second year while he's in his third year.

he was a dream, or rather, he is a dream for you and every other student at the university. you really never thought that you would have the opportunity to have secret sex with the perfect choi yeonjun, much less that he would only notice you among so many pretty girls.

"you look so beautiful today…did you really wear this pretty skirt for me, mmh?" "did you want me to see you walk down the aisles looking so cute to fuck you so hard at this table?" his lips come up to your ear, lightly biting your cheekbone "or did you want me to kneel down to eat your pretty and sweet pussy?"

"i bet you want to cum in my mouth and squeeze my hair like you always do" he licks your neck slowly, smiling as a soft moan stifles his hand "i'm really dying to eat you, but you're going to be as loud as you are right now. .."

his words have an huge effect on you, causing your velvety walls to tighten in length. a satisfied growl slips from his lips before biting and sucking on your neck, leaving marks.

your saliva begins to fill his palm, making your mouth water and your eyes roll at the brief memory of yeonjun desperately eating you in the toilets. but the reality is that no matter how good he is with his tongue, his cock is a thousand times better and you prefer it much more than anything else.

without you realizing it, your interior begins to heat up and form a whirlpool of almost satisfaction. your juices slowly begin to leak from your battered hole, making you moan at the feel of the cold threads slipping through your folds.

your thighs press much closer to yeonjun's waist, desperately moving to pleasure yourself and reach the orgasm you long for.

he can knows that, so he quickly deepens his thrusts before thrusting hard into you, causing the table beneath you to jerk.

"what a desperate whore. who would have imagined that the role model of this institution would be a little slut hungry for cock" his words come out broken as he still feels that you suck him at the way he fucks you crudely "even i'm surprised that you squeeze me incredibly good" he holds your inner thigh with his free hand, feeling it get drenched by your juices "i'm going to fuck you so many times until you pass out"

and that is literally enough for you to cum hard on his cock, lifting your chest, making your hard covered nipples crash against his chest.

you see stars collide in your brain, dizzy from possibly one of the best orgasms the dark-haired man has ever given you.

you hug him from his neck to pull him towards you once he releases your mouth, placing your lips on his ear.

"please, cum inside of me" you beg tenderly knowing that he loves that you beg him that way "fill me with your cum and fuck me so much that i can't resist it anymore".

his hands go to your lower back to hold you as he continues to fuck you to his own release, biting your shoulder to hold back the moans.

after a few more thrusts, yeonjun finally cums inside you hard, still squeezing your back, filling you with his thick liquid.

your eyes begin to close as he gently holds you against the cold table, placing kisses on your jaw and neck as he grabs you around the waist again, resting one of your legs on his shoulder.

you look at him more awake than ever and with curious eyes. he smiles at you without showing his teeth and he thrusts his cock into you for the second time that day, making you grab the edges of the table.

"what's wrong, mmh? did you forget that i'm going to keep fucking you as many times as i want?"

© hyufucks, 2022.

[starshineandbooks]

Things are better if I stay...

word count: 4,105

Title from Helena by My Chemical Romance

Ao3

Warnings: MAJOR CHARTER DEATH! Angst, dealing with the death, after life, trauma, blood, gore, attempted murder, accidental murder, successful murder, Murderous! Virgil (He isn’t the killer) LOGAN ANGST! Fuck it, everyone hurts. Also not beta read

Pairings: LAMP, Thomas/Harley (Heart)

For @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors‘ Laoft au LOGAN ANGST

Summary: A coup gone wrong ends Logan’s life early, even by human standards, he dies and his loved ones are left to pick up the pieces. 

AKA: I got sad so I took my emotional support character from not only the fandom but the LAOFT AU specificaly, and killed him. Oops.

Logan wasn’t supposed to be there, he never was. It was meant for his husband, for Virgil. A plan made by drunken faeries to throw a coup, and try to over through Virgil.

   Virgil who was at home with their daughter. Virgil who was the faerie prince. Virgil who would later be very very murderous.

   Logan strides through the door of the faerie hill,making sure he has everything in his satchel, eyes falling to the crunching leaves under foot. He sighs, the autumn air chilly this evening, just this side of unpleasant.

   The next time Logan has to go and get Bell’s lesbian out of trouble he’ll have to have a real coming to Jesus with Bell. Logan shakes the thought from his mind, he must be spending too much time with May.

   “Help!” A voice calls, and Logan goes still.

   Logan is not delusional, he is still in a decidedly Fae part of the woods, and voices from an unseen source are definitely not to be trustable.

   “HELP ME!” It rings again.

   A second voice sounds, “No, you’ll draw attention.”

   The second voice sounds like that of an injured man.

   Logan swallows, he can’t leave them here. The voices, they’re those of his mortal husbands. Logan could never just leave them there.

   Logan has never been very good at rationing things when he is distressed for a loved one.

   He doesn't care, he runs to the right suddenly, following the calls for help that are in Patton’s voice, broken and brittle like glass shards. Scared, almost as chilling as when he’d been confronted with the Roman the serpent king owned, the night Roman.

   Logan doesn't feel the first arrow until the second one is hitting.

   Each arrow goes to his chest, hitting vital organs, and making him bleed entirely too much. He feels each arrow, fifteen in total, hit him, piercing through his skin and muscles, flowers growing from his wounds and hurting him further.

   Logan crumples and hears an exchange of words that worry him.

   “Oh fuck- That’s snowmelt! Oh we are so dead!”

   “You are so dead, I didn’t shoot the arrows.”

   “That won’t matter when the witch hears about it.”

   Logan swallows hard, eyes glazing over and heart racing, what if they get Virgil next?

   “Virg-” HIs throat is too full of sharp bloody shards of pain to continue.

   “Logan?!” Virgil calls, appearing, it’s pretty hard for the magic in Logan’s bracelet to not let Virgil know of Logan’s condition.

   Virgil scans the area just long enough to feel terrified before he looks to the ground and feels something far, far more potent than the terror of a few seconds before.

   “Logan- This- This isn’t funny! Come on, get up! Get up, get up you- you- you incredibly wonderful man, get up!” Virgil shrieks, knees feeling weaker than they have in years.

   “Get up.”

   Logan swallows hard and manages, “I would like that very much, yes.”

   “Then get up!”

   “It seems as though I cannot at the moment, darling.” Logan coughs hard, lungs rattling and blood coming to splatter his face and arm as Logan tries to cover his mouth.

   “Logan,” Virgil says, sinking to his knees in a surly undignified matter.

   Not that Virgil could care in even the slightest with Logan bleeding out on the forest floor, in front of him no less. This isn’t right. This isn’t okay. Nothing is okay and he’s going to lose Logan isn’t he?

   What is he going to tell PAtton and Roman? Kai, Sloane, Remy, Emilie, everyone else? What will he tell Linda? Or Dot and LArry?

   God, what will he tell Thomas?

   “Pretty stars tonight,” Logan rasps, eyes falling from the sky back to Virgil, “darling?”

   “Yeah,” Virgil nods, he’ll alway agree with his husbands.

   But right now Logan could say he’d never loved Virgil, and wanted to marry the serpent king but married Virgil to spite the unseelie, and that Logan had never loved anyone, and that Virgil deserved to be tortured, and Virgil would agree. Virgil would agree to anything.

   “Don’t be sad, love.” Logan says weakly, reaching for Virgil.

   Except that.

   How could Virgil ever possibly not be sad over this?!

   “Logan,” Virgil sobs, eyesight blurring at an alarming rate. But he takes Logan’s hand between his own two gently, “Logan don’t, I can get us to May.”

   Virgil focuses everything he has on taking Logan to May, the shadows closing in around them, he won’t lose Logan too. Never, Logan isn’t- Logan’s not even old enough to die by human standards!

   A startled shriek from Patton on the couch followed by a gasp and a call for mAy in about three voices.

   Virgil’s own, if anyone was really listening, was distorting and turning decidedly non human, and much more eldritch horror-y than not.

   “Shhh,” Logan shushes, “Don’t -Linny’s asleep.”

   Virgil snaps back around to give Logan a very dirty look, how dare Logan shush him when Logan is literally dying. Oh god, Logan is dying- this isn’t right. Nothing is right-

   “Everyone get the hell away from Logan.” May snaps, stomping forward with a black bag with pastel paisley embroidered on it and her duck slippers.

   Virgil growls low, in the back of his throat, and not even he is sure what the sound most resembles.

   May stares at Logan and she shakes her head with a sigh, “Logan, baby, why on God’s green earth would ya decided to become target in target practice, ya mongrel!? Are ya tryin’ ta kill me early?”

   Logan stares just a little more blank than anyone would like at May’s face, “Nana-”

   “Don’t you dare start some goodbye speech.”

   And as if the moment could not get any worse, as if the universe hadn’t just done the not only unthinkable, but the also unforgivable by promising Logan chronic pain if not death, banshee shrieking starts up in the yard.

   The snarl that leaves Roman as he drags Patton into the yard is much more threatening than Virgil thinks he’s ever heard.

   “‘M sorry.” Logan rasps, a gurgle following before he swallows as hard as he can, “nd I love you, and all o’ them. Don’- d-”

   “Logan don’t you dare,” May snaps wetly, “Don’t you dare! Just hold on!”

   She sets a hand on his shoulder and starts digging through her bag hastily with the other.

   “Don’ let them be too sa-”

   “Logan, I’ll kill you if you do this.” She growls, pulling a bottle from the bag and opening it quickly before doing her level best to get it down Logan’s throat.

   Logan swallows the liquid as best he can around the lack of control over his muscles he has going on. His eyes fall to Virgil’s, trying to plead Virgil to do something. To ease the pain.

   And what Virgil wouldn’t do for those quick silver eyes.

   “Have I told you about how I love you? Well, I’ll tell you again.” Virgil’s voice starts to lessen in distortion and grows more and more alike to the moon breaching the broken ice of a pond.

   Logan’s breathing becomes more and more shallow, and even harder to keep up. His lungs rattle with every breath now, and his blood collects in his throat.

   And Virgil talks, he isn’t quite sure what he’s saying, and from the looks of it, neither is Logan. May has turned her back on them, oddly quiet.

   Then, “Vatti?”

   A small voice, a girl’s voice. Linda’s voice.

   As if shocked, Logan tries to get to see his baby one last time, figure out why she sounds so broken.

   Linda slowly steps forward, “VAtti, what- Is he-”

   “Go upstairs, Linny.” May says, voice making Virgil think on those spiky balls from the trees everyone uses around christmas, sometimes called a witch burr, but as miserable as wet socks.

   “Mamaw-”

   “Upstairs Linda Marie.”

   Linda casts a look to Logan and chokes, “Papa-”

   “He loves ya, now go upstairs.”

   “Mamaw-”

   “Now. One.”

   “But-”

   “Two, Miss Linny I’ll tan yer hide if ya make me get ta three.”

   “I love you papa,” Linda says before running upstairs to try to pray this all into some twisted, dark, horrendous nightmare.

   Virgil looks down just in time to watch the life and fight leave Logan’s eyes, and oh, that’s a rather dull look in those eyes. Isn’t it?

   “What’ll we tell Thomas?” Virgil asks after a pause of who knows how long, but more than he could bear.

   “The truth, I’d imagine.”

   “You want to tell Logan that his brother was murdered in cold blood in the middle of  faerie?” Virgil growls, then growls lower, “He was killed in the middle of my land.”

   “So he was.”

   “I have business as soon as we finish telling the others.” Virgil sneers, “Someone is going to answer for all of this.”

   May turns after a moment, “You won’t be going alone.”

   “We’ll see you hag.”

   “Shuddup.” May scoffs.

   And if the two are teary or maybe even crying, neither says anything, just this once.

   ----------

   Virgil doesn't know when Patton and Roman came in, only that he hadn’t gone to bed yet. Having instead opted to sit in Logan’s garden, out back.

   “Virgil?” Roman asks after a moment, sitting on the ground beside his husband. “Did- Was he in pain-”

   Virgil snorts, “No, he was only murdered and shot full of arrows, he wasn’t in-” Virgil promptly shuts his mouth before sighs, “I- I am sorry. That was cruel.”

   “Just- just a little, sweetie.” Patton ists on Virgil’s otherside, and Virgil isn’t sure when that happened either.

   “We have to tell the others, his parents. We have to tell Thomas,” Virgil croaks, “How are we meant to tell Thomas?”

   “Linda said she saw him.” Roman supplies, “So, uh, there’s that.”

   Virgil forces himself to look at Roman, and he nearly screams when he sees the look upon Roman’s face. Whether in protective rage or broken sobs, Virgil’s isn’t sure, so he bites it back.

   “He uh- God!” Virgil mutters something unkind under his breath about himself and words before managing, “He said we shouldn’t be sad. What the fuck does that mean?!”

   Patton gives a laugh, and the underlying tone of a glass bell breaking as it rings isn’t unnoticed by Virgil. Virgil turns his head to see Patton and that was also a bad choice. It seems Virgil is only capable of making incredibly, spectacularly horrid decisions tonight.

   “Just like him,” Roman shakes his head, setting his hands palm down on his knees and squeezing, “always so dismissive of his own worth!”

   A thick, suffocating, decidedly sharp silence settles over the three. None of them quite touch the others, but they all want to.

   To everyone’s surprise, it’s Mamaw who breaks the silence by walking into the backyard. Hands on her hips, “It’s three thirty in the morning, get yer asses in bed. This ain’t gonna be an easy recovery but we all know Logan’d have our hides if we let it tear us apart.”

   “Mamaw,” Roman croaks weakly, turning to see his grandmother, “You can’t mean-”

   “I mean what I said, Roman. Get yourselves in the house, or the faerie hill or somewhere else, but ya better sleep. We’re all going over to the Sanders house as soon as the sun comes up, because tonight’s a full moon and I am not going ta loose more o’ ya.”

   “We should go there now.” PAtton says softly, “They’ll be angry if we put it off.”

   “But-”

   “I’ll go.” Virgil pushes to his feet, eyes finding the moon, not technically full, tomorrow night it will be though.

   “Virgil-”

   Virgil turns to face the humans, his humans, “You could come, if you like. I would not blame you if you stayed though.”

   “We-”

   “You two are decidedly human, yer stayin’ right here.” May says sharply, “and Virgil will be back by breakfast.”

   “Yes, by breakfast.” Virgil says, though he isn’t sure when it is, or whether it will be this particular breakfast.

   May nods, corralling PAtton and Roman into the house, and onto the couch, because she isn’t fool enough to think they’d sleep in the bed all four shared. Three now.

   ----------

   Thomas shrieked when Virgil appeared in his bedroom, waking a worried Harley with said shriek.

   “Oh- goodness! Virgil-”

   “I didn’t mean to come to this room.” Virgil whispers softly, “I’m sorry.”

   “It’s fine, force of habit, I mean, Logan used to share this room with me and-”

   Virgil gives a choked sob at his husband’s name.

   “Is Logan sick or something?” Thomas staggers out of bed quickly, grabbing a shirt from the floor.

   “They-” Virgil shakes his head, “He’s dead. Dead, dead, dead.”

   Thomas goes silent and Harley mutters a curse word.

   “Well, I suppose we’d better go downstairs then.” Thomas sighs, shaking his head, “And, you’re sure he’s y’know, gone?”

   Virgil gives an indignant sound, “As if I didn’t watch it happen.”

   “Okay.” Thomas walks to stand by Virgil, and he just pulls the taller man into a hug, “It’ll be okay.”

   “How are you so-”

   “Calm?” Thomas gives a laugh, “I'm not awake and haven’t processed it yet, give me a bit.”

   “O-oh.”

   “I’ll go get- uh- yeah.” Harley finishes lamely, striding out of the room.

   Brian rushes into the room, “Linda’s upset, she said-”

   “I heard,” Thomas sighs, “Brian it’s threey forty ish, why’re you even awake?”

   “Had a nightmare, ‘nd I didn’t wanna bother anyone, but kitty’s always there.”

   Virgil sighs, finally wrapping Thomas up in a hug. “I’m sorry.”

   “It wasn’t your fault.”

   “You can’t know that!”

   “I do. You’d never hurt any of them, let alone kill.” Thomas says thickly, “”mon then, we’d better go tell mom and dad.”

   “I’m still sorry.”

   Virgil is led downstairs and sat on the couch, in Logan’s spot on the couch. And if that doesn't just make him want to scream, cry, or through a tantrum he isn’t sure what does.

   He is vaguely aware of voices, and a conversation happening, but he couldn’t tell you who was speaking or what was being said.

   “Virgil,” Logan’s voice insists urgently, and he knows it’s just his mind being cruel. Logan can’t be here, Logan’s gone.

   “Virgil!” Thomas says louder, setting a hand on his shoulder, “Hey bud- we uh-”

   “We- was he in pain.”

   Virgil just nods slowly, “Uh- yeah, arrows do that.”

   “He was-” Dot swallows hard.

   “Y-yeah. Well, I should go. I’m sorry I don’t uhm- I don’t wanna intrude-”

   “You can stay.” LArry offers weakly, “You’re family.”

   “I have business to attend to.” Virgil says finally, “The sooner I start the sooner the bastards that killed him are found.”

   “O-oh.”

   “Hey uhm….” Thomas sighs before he just goes for it, “You’re family Virgil, don’t disappear on us. Please. And don’t you dare disappear on your daughter and husbands.”

   “But-”

   “You better come back on friday, we’ll have a big family dinner, all the gang.”

   “But.”

   “You’ll be here.” Thomas says, “And you’ll do it.”

   “Thomas-”

   “Go home, see your husbands.” Harley says finally, “It’ll do you some good.”

   Virgil looks to Harley, startled, “But-”

   “Go.”

   ----------

   Virgil appears in the kitchen to his own house after a stop to demand Bell and white to start an investigation. It involved Bell and WHite berating him for abandoning the living husbands.

   Virgil finds Patton and Roman on the couch, tangled to gether. Tear tracks staining their faces, but their breathing deep and even, they’re asleep.

   Virgil goes about lifting them, and carrying them to the guest room, curled together and clinging to each other in his arms.

   He sets them on the bed and sits on the edge, he won’t be sleeping tonight, or maybe ever again.

   Linda stands in the doorway, “Vatti?”

   Virgil turns, he’s never been good at ignoring, let alone denying his daughter anything, especially such a thing as comfort.

   “C’mere liebling.” Virgil says gently, holding his arms out.

   Linda rushes forward, burying herself in Virgil’s arms and chest, clambering into his lap. Virgil hugs her as tight as he can while she still breathes.

   “Vatti, I- Will he come back like Gretta did?”

   “No.” Virgil says, “No.”

   “Oh. Good. But uhm…. Are you all going to leave too?”

   “No liebling.” Virgil says, “I would never leave you.”

   “But- what about daddy and pop?”

   “Oh, liebling,” Virgil hums gently, “Not on purpose. But they’re human, they’ll die eventually. You and I will still be here though.”

   “O-oh.” Linda says weakly, “But why-” she cuts off and a sob wracks her body.

   “Because liebling, life isn’t fair.” Virgil says, not quite sure what she was going to ask but knowing it wasn’t about to be pleasant.

   “I hate this.” She whispers, “It’s- it’s- it’s atrocious.”

   Virgil gives a cut off sob at her choice of words, “Oh liebling, you’ll be the smartest one in the family as you get older.”

   “Don’t wanna be the smartest, I want my papa.” She says petulantly.

   “I know.” Virgil says gently. “I know.”

   ----------

   Logan wakes up. To his surprise, in no pain and under a blue sky with those puffy white clouds. A large dog barks excitedly at him, so he pushes to his feet and tilts his head, watching the creature.

   It barks again, turning tail and running to the edge of a tree line before turning to bark once more. Ah, Logan supposes he’s meant to follow the dog?

   Logan shrugs, then laughs at himself, no one is around to see such a slip of self control after all. He follows the dog, noting the trees to be apple trees.

   As the dog leads him he finds himself wondering where his husbands are and- oh. Yes. He is dead then?

   He looks up to a startled gasp, finding a woman with inky hair and her hands on her hips.

   “Logan Sanders.” She snaps, cuffing the back of his head, “You left them?!”

   “I didn’t mean to.” Logan says, rubbing the back of his head in an attempt to soothe it, “Who are you and why did you hit me?”

   “You’re a moron, you know that?!” The woman scoffs, “Askin’ who I am, if Virgil didn’t-”

   “You’d be Gretta then.” Logan snorts, “You look better than last time I saw you.”

   “I’d hope.” She crosses her arms stiffly, glaring at Logan.

   Logan sighs, “He uhm…. Virgil misses you still. A lot, and as someone who ate your biscuit recipe product, may I just ask, do you know how spices work?”

   Greta scoffs, “If it ain’t broke ya don’t fix it! Yer insufferable.”

   Logan shakes his head, “I am sorry it was rude to say that I suppose I’ve spent too much time with Kai and Virgil.”

   “It’s fine, Logan.” Gretta shrugs, “I figure I have eternity to make you like my cooking.”

   “I see. Yes, I suppose so. But first, if I truly am dead, I think I have a snake to slap.”

   “What?”

   “I am less and less fond of the snake king every time Roman reveals another bit of past, I wish to slap the bastard out of the usurper.”

   “Oh.” Gretta blinks, a cheshire grin spreading over her lips, “Let me get Trudi and we’ll all go with ya.”

   “Very well.” Logan nods, eyes observing the people in the distance.

   “I think,” Gretta says, “This is the start of a wonderfully elaborate prank on my brother. Don’t you?”

   “Maybe.”

   “Well, c’mon, we’d better hurry up, I know Abbey’ll wanna see you. Not sure why, you aren’t nearly as pretty as Virgil was, but he wasn’t shit either.”

   Logan laughs softly, “Oh, you’re a little softer than he said-”

   Gretta cuffs the back of his head again, “Shut up ya overgrown pixie.”

   “O-oh.” Logan freezes, ‘Oh god Virgil- I left them. All of them- Thomas, my husbands, my parents, my friends.”

   “Oh, yes, crying fixes it.”

   Logan grabs Gretta’s wrist tightly, “No, you don’t get it. I left all of them, but I also left my baby. She is ten. My ten year old daughter saw me just as I was dying.”

   “Oh.” Gretta blinks, “That’s uhm- Let’s go get Abbey, she’ll be better equipped for emotions.”

   “I just want to go home!” Logan snaps, “Please?!”

   “Ya can’t, Logan. Yer here now.”

   “Thanks, I hate it.” Logan croaks, his voice cracking like thin ice over a lake, and he plunges into the darkness below.

   “Oh- ABIGAIL GAUGE!”

   “YEAH?!”

   “C’MERE WOULD YA?! LOGAN’S HERE EARLY AND HAVING A PITY PARTY AND I CAIN’T HELP ‘IM!” Gretta calls, flinching as Logan collapses into her.

   She awkwardly wraps her arms around him, patting him stiffly, “There there. Strange faerie I don’t know well who’s sobbin’ inta my shirt.”

   “Virgil used to talk like that.” Logan says miserably, “I miss him.”

   “Ah, I know, little gremlin weaves his way into your heart and then you lose him.” Gretta mutters, “C’mon Logan you can’t mean to cry forever.”

   “I might.” Logan petulantly mumbles.

   “Logan, baby, that you?” A second woman’s voice sounds, “God, you’re bigger than I remember for sure.”

   Logan turns slowly, finding a fiery redhead, “Who- Who are you?”

   “I go by Abbey,” She shrugs, “I’m Roman’s mom.”

   “Mom and dad talked about you sometimes.”

   “Ye-ah, well, I talk about them sometimes too.” Abbey holds a hand out, “C’mon baby, we’ll get you settled and calmed down, then we can go wherever you like.”

   Logan takes Abbey’s hand, flinging his arms around her, feeling an oddly deep connection he didn’t know existed with this woman who looks just enough like Roman to hurt.

   And maybe it takes Logan a while to settle, sometimes it still hurts. But he does end up slapping Durrant, multiple times, Gretta, Trudi, and Abbey also join the slapping the bastard out of Durrant party.

   Virgil sees the poor faeries who killed Logan to a public execution. But it doesn't do anything to fix the ache Logan’s loss created. He’s more protective of his loved ones, each and every one of them. Especially Linda.

   Linda who may not look like Logan, but shares in the ability to grow plants. Linda who has taken up the habit of reading herself to sleep with dictionaries. Linda, who will outlive Virgil, god willing that is.

   Patton heals slowly, they all do, but Patton lost not only his husband, but his very first friend. Patton lost the man who he did his first play date with. Patton lost a lot when Logan left them, but he healed slowly.

   Roman becomes more reckless at first, he couldn’t care less, if he dies he can see Logan again. He eventually, through therapy Emilie provides -who else?- realizes that he still has so much to live for. It gets a little easier, but Roman internalizes it, that two men he’s loved dead, what if Patton aor Virgil is next?

   Virgil, Patton, and Roman’s marriage is strained at first. They still love each other, and that would never change, but the dynamic changed. They were mourning, and breaking, and not talking about it. Again. After a year and Linda sobbing and asking if they’re going to break up and leave her too, they go to counseling, which, helps. It isn’t perfect, and they’ll alway be missing their last piece, they won’t be whole. But, they’re better, they’re marriage isn’t strained.

   Thomas withdrew from the world, only really talking to Harley and Brian. He lost his best friend in the whole world, his barley younger but still baby, brother. He lost his partner in crime, his childhood memory. Now Thomas only knows half of everything, where as before Thomas knew half of everything, so did Logan, so they knew everything.

   May got crankier. May lost another kid she’d loved to a horrible accident. Another kid she couldn’t save. May lives in the past for a while, but she knows the drill, she’s probably the best prepared.

   Dot and Larry stop going in public when avoidable. They cry together, and the gp to therapy. They lost their child, and so much more. They lost not just Logan, but almost Thomas too.

   Kai doesn't make fun of Logan anymore, he misses the nerd.

   Sloane and Corbin try to keep Thomas company when they can, but they all have lives of their own.

   Elliot spends a lot of time with Virgil, maybe they weren’t as close to Logan, but they did count him a friend.

   Remy and Emilie while they mourn and definitely are a little strained and weary, they make sure the others have groceries and therapy. They do their level best to help the others when they can.

[mymindwide]

The end of heartache

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 3943

Warning: angst, feelings, smut

Summary: Your heart is broken, but can it be healed?

Author’s note: I hope you’ll love this, cuz this has a chapter two, just sayin’. :) Take care and enjoy your read.

*****

Everyone was pretty excited about the now traditional ‘good luck on tour’ send-off party; everyone but me. They didn’t know that this time it’s gonna be my send-off party too, tho I won’t come back after two or three months. As a matter of fact, I won’t come back ever. I’ve been planning this for months, and the emotional burden it carries slowly started to eat me up. They’re gonna be confused and disappointed, but I reached a point in my life where I have to make myself a priority, where I have to stop fooling myself.

I fell in love with someone who’s never gonna be mine, and the worst part is that I am happy for him; I root for his happiness – with someone else.

But a few months ago I reached my breaking point. That’s how much my heart could take, and this madness went even longer than anyone should do this to herself. I reached my limit, finally. I’ll probably love him for the rest of my life but I need to give myself a chance. I want to give myself a chance but it won’t work if I see him regularly. I’ll always find an excuse; my heart will always convince me that it’s happy when it “feels” Ashton close. I had to make sure this time my brain will win.

So here I am, leaning over the kitchen sink, trying to take deep, even breaths after the fifth or sixth time I threw up today. I knew I have to talk to the guys, they have the right to know I’m about to leave for good. Not the exact reasons why, but the fact itself for sure. I don’t want to just disappear, but it makes me nervous and anxious to the point of actually throwing up.

They became a massive part of my life a few years ago when Calum met my brother and somehow we too started talking and he invited me to a friends’ gathering and since then I’m stuck with them, and they’re stuck with me - the quiet, pretty, nice girl whose humor compensates for the quietness. Not much time had passed when I realized that I fell for one of them, the handsome drummer guy, Ash, with the same sense of humor as mine, with the brightest smile, with the kindest of hearts. But it was already late for me; before I could make it obvious for him, he introduced his significant other to the crew. I clearly remember that day, standing there smiling at the pretty young girl whom I couldn’t even hate, and who was holding hands with the guy I’d have died to hold hands with too.

Since then I am the girl, who is all smiles and fun and supportive, trying to hide the constant heartbreak I have to live with, especially in their presence.

 >>><<< 

 You wanted to keep it together but you couldn’t. You inhaled and exhaled through your nose and you almost started to calm down when Cal arrived in the kitchen with a huge punch bowl.

Your pulse rose higher and that most likely sat out on your face immediately. Some things will never change; you’ll never be a good actress.

 “Hey, are you okay?” he put the bowl down on the counter and headed your way.

 You looked him in the eye, and seeing that honest concern, it broke you. Silently your tears started falling and you covered your mouth with your hand to keep every tiny noise inside that could betray your whereabouts and your current state of mind to the others. It is just enough for Cal to witness and know.

First he couldn’t decide whether to hug you or just leave you cry yourself out, but eventually went for the first option and embraced you in a strong, protective hug.

You grabbed hold of the back of his sweater, squeezing it to the point your knuckles started to whiten, but at least your nerves calmed down enough to feel safe to let him go and look up from his chest.

 “And now I’m listening” he said to you with a bossy expression on his face.

“I need to tell you something” you leaned back to the counter leaving a few steps distance between you two. “I’m gonna leave for New York.”

“Wha…? When?”

“…Tomorrow morning…”

“And you’re just telling me now?!”

“Shhh shhh, I didn’t think this through, okay?” you tried to hush him from shouting out your well-kept secret.

“Moving to the other side of the States? You clearly didn’t.”

“No, how I’m gonna tell you.”

“A-a-and why New York? Wha-what is this madness?” he stuttered from the slight anger that was clearly flowed from his voice and showed on his face.

“I got a job offer there.”

“You’ve got a job here! Is there only one enterprise in this fucking city?”

“Cal, please don’t be mad at me.”

“Mhm” he hummed realizing that he really got tempered quickly. “I’m sorry to say this, but I sense big ass bullshit here. I just don’t see why you couldn’t have told this earlier if it’s really just about a job. There has to be something else. Something doesn’t feel right here. Is there anything else behind this abrupt moving?”

 Suddenly you couldn’t even speak, tho you don’t know why you were surprised, Calum is a very smart guy. Quiet like you, who only speaks when he has something to say, but always has his eyes open.

 “Has anyone hurt you?”

“Me, Cal, I’ve been hurting myself. For years.”

“Could you be a bit more specific?” he frowned.

 You realized there was nothing to lose anymore. You’ll leave the town tomorrow, and will never look back. With all this power in your hands, you can be honest for once.

 “It’s Ash, Cal. I love him. Basically since the day we’ve met.”

 Now you made him speechless. Or you thought.

 “I could say I’m surprised, but I’m not really.”

“You’re not?”

“Girl, now everything makes sense. I saw how you look at him. I think I’ve always seen it, but since nothing has ever happened, I just stopped paying attention. But it all comes together now. Why we couldn’t set you up on a date…”

“I got tired, Cal. Judge me all you want, but I got tired. I love him and believe me I tried to tell myself all kinds of things not to. And still here I am, still happy for him, still unhappy for myself. That’s why I have to go. This is not healthy anymore.”

“But wouldn’t it be easier to talk to him than to move your whole fucking life thousands of miles away from everyone you have?”

“First of all it’s a little bit late for that now I think. And even if I did, expect what exactly? That he’ll just dump her an instant when they look pretty happy to me…?! Tell me something. Is he in love?”

“I-I don’t know… we usually don’t talk about… these things. I mean… I guess so… I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s my guess too” you whispered as the oh so familiar knife chops round in your heart.

“This is still not right… ”

“Right or not, what’s done is done. Now you see there’s no use to tell him. It’s not Ashton’s fault…”

 “What should I know? What have I done again?” Ash jokes as he enters the kitchen to your biggest horror. “What? They just sent me to check on why we can’t have the punch.”

“Sorry babe, I’ll leave you to it” Cal looked at you with eyes wide open and a nod of his head. His facial expression suggested that the moment of truth has arrived and you weren’t happy about it.

 Both you and Ash watched him leave the kitchen, and looked back at each other at the same time.

 “So… what is going on here?”

“Ash, I am gonna move to New York. First thing tomorrow.”

“What? Why so sudden? And what does it have to do with me? You don’t make sense.”

“I’ll do in a minute.”

 He leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed in front of his chest. You have no idea where you found the strength in you, most likely your little talk with Cal helped to prepare your nerves for this conversation with Ash, but a not expected calmness overcame you. You really don’t have anything to lose now. Besides, the memories remain, and you’ll forever cherish your friendship while it lasted.

 “Can you recall the last time you heard me talking about being excited about a date or actually being on a date night?”

“No?! But these are private stuffs; I don’t poke my nose into things that are none of my business.”

“What’s the point of a date if you already know that you’d just fool the other party? When your heart is refusing your common sense? And all this because I already loved someone. It was you. It is you.” you felt like a whole mountain rolled down from your chest.

“What?”

“Now you know.”

“No-no, it’s not fair…”

“Do you want me to be fair or honest?”

“You’ve never even...”

“…tried to tell you? Because the moment I chose to do this happened to be the moment you chose to introduce your girl to us…”

“I had no idea.”

“And that just means I did a great job. Kudos for me, ‘the protector of relationships’” you rolled your eyes.

“Is this true? Is this because of me, then?”

“No, it’s because of me, Ashton. You’re not responsible for my feelings or for anyone else’s.”

“And yet somehow now I feel like it.”

“Well, I tell you, you shouldn’t. Better?” you forced a wry smile on yourself. “Please don’t have sleepless nights because of me.”

“Then why do you sound angry now?”

“Maybe because I never wanted you to know this. Because the whole thing was pointless from the very beginning. Because this conversation is exactly what I didn’t want to have” your voice already cracked. It always does this under a certain type of stress, for instance a confrontation. You’ve been very bad at these your whole life. “And I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself, the universe, god, you name it. But that’s just life I guess. It’s not a sugarcoated shiny bubble for everyone.”

“…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Remember, I never expected anything from you, I didn’t even want you to know this in the first place, but it doesn’t matter now.”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I mean it.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, too” you tried to smile once again.

 “Guys, are you not thirsty, why do you sit on our drinks?” a very loud and jumpy Luke came round the kitchen bringing you the absolution regarding this conversation, not that you weren’t finished. You think you said all you two could, leastways speak for you, for sure.

 As Luke entered, you headed for leaving the kitchen but before you’d have turned out of the door you touched Ash’s forearm.

 “But I’ll keep being happy for you no matter what.”

 He didn’t even respond, not that you were expecting anything. It was enough for you that he could see you were serious about what you just said. Your mouth can lie, your eyes can’t, and for seconds that seemed eternity at those moments, your eyes held onto each other’s.

 When the crew all sat down to eat, without raining on your dear boys’ parade you broke the news to everyone – obviously leaving out certain details – receiving the same shocked responses you got from Cal and Ash earlier, but altogether everyone was excited and cheering for you and made you promise that from time to time you’ll check in and report about your life in New York. Certainly they were confused regarding the suddenness, but got over it pretty quickly. Except for Cal and Ashton, but they knew the whole truth. It was interesting to witness that now it was Ash’s turn to smile and act like nothing has happened, and he was doing a great job.

At the end of the day they decided to continue the party with a little after show at some bar, which you obviously had no humor to go to, so with the excuse of your early morning trip you said goodbye to this 15 people crew and headed home for the last time.  

 >>><<< 

 You were already in your sleeping t-shirt and shorts when you decided to make the last round in the apartment you rented to make sure everything is packed and to eliminate the chance that something important might be left behind.  You headed for upstairs and were standing halfway on the stairway when the doorbell rang and broke the silence of the dark and still house.

You ran back down to peek out of the peephole to see Ashton standing outside waiting for you to answer the door.

 “Hey” nervousness was reflected in your eyes as you couldn’t imagine what he’s doing here one hour before midnight.

“Can I…?”

“Is everything okay?” you pulled aside from the door so he could come in.

“After our little chat I don’t think so.”

“Ash, I told you to forget it.”

“Cause that’s how it works, right?” he combed his hair back, he looked nervous, his body tensed.

“This is exactly why I wanted to keep it to myself, for fucks sake” you shook your head. “What are you doing here, Ash?” you sighed wearily.

“What I should have a long time ago.”

 For a moment you just stood there staring into each other’s eyes and… there was nothing to explain. That brief feeling you get when you both want something… well, now you both got that feeling. It is that moment, when you don’t want to ask questions, because it’s not necessary. He closed the distance between the two of you, and cupping your face he pressed his mouth against yours, and embracing this madness you happily welcomed his lips. After the first few exploratory touches you almost immediately started searching for each other’s tongue, and now you know how heaven tastes like. It’s soft and silky and tender – it’s heavenly. Letting go of your face his hands slid down your body to lift you up into his lap, your legs hugging his waist, his hands supporting your butt, while your hands caressing his hair at the back of his head.

You don’t know what is happening, but at this point you don’t even care about his motivations. You know you shouldn’t do this but you just stopped caring. You literally ran out of all the fucks to give. It’s the last time you’ll ever see anyone of them, you’ll leave and will never come back. You don’t cheat on anyone but yourself, but you can live with the thought. And as to Ashton… it’s his conscience, he has to deal with it, not you.

But tonight, for the first time, everything’s gonna be simple: he’s gonna love you and you’re gonna give him all that you are, whatever you can.

You wish you had more time, you wish you could get more of him but if this is all you can get, you’ll take it.

 Once you arrived in your bedroom, everything got more hurried and heated.

Both your t-shirts have landed on the floor, and with your back to the bed, you slid up on it, your eyes never leaving Ash's. Reaching in his pocket he pulled out a wrapped condom that he threw on the bed. Then unzipping and taking his jeans and boxer briefs off, he crawled up on the bed and leaned over you. Seeing him already half erected made you swallow hard and ache for feeling him with every existing sense you have.

Your eyes hardly could cope with the beauty his body meant for you. You wanted to touch him, to smell him, to taste him.

He kissed you on your lips, continued lower to suck on the fine and soft skin of your neck making his way down to caress your breasts, licking and stroking your nipples taking them in turns till they got hard under his touch, making you let out the first whimpers of the night. He went lower biting the skin on your stomach, his hands still perfectly covering your breasts.

He stopped at the waist of your shorts to look up at you and without asking anything with a swift move he pulled it off of you.

You loved that you two talked without saying a word, only with your eyes, simply because your desire for each other was loud enough.

Prying open your legs he dived in between them, his hands kept your hips in place and your fingers combed into his hair as he started pleasuring you with his tongue, licking and sucking your clit, your folds, and your entrance; not much time had to pass when you felt yourself getting dripping wet from was he was doing.

Your rapture took control over everything; your mind was clouded, your body quivered under his touch as your orgasm jolted in you making your hips rise from the surface of the bed.

 “Oh God, Ash, please…” you moaned over and over feeling the tiny aftershocks.

 You looked down at him and saw his eyes smiling as your lower half still covered his mouth but you could tell there’s a smile on his face seeing your reaction to him eating you out.

With one last soft kiss on your swollen clit he rose up, now kneeling before you, reaching for the condom next to him.

 “Let me touch you before you put it on. Please.”

 You sat up to his kneeling form still with your legs wide open, your eyes almost pleading. You saw his Adam’s apple lifting in his throat. He lowered his hand still holding the wrapped package and that was your answer you were waiting for.

You took him in your right hand; gently started running your fingers up and down on his hard shaft, your lips kissed and licked his stomach, while your left hand first just rested on his lower back, then the tip of your nails traced a path down to softly dig into his butt cheek. As a reward you got the softest moans that were the most pleasuring sound your ears could ask for. You admired his strong build, his beautiful toned body, his perfect length in your hands.

At some point he reached down to stop your hand from working on him any further and only with his eyes he instructed you to lie back on the bed. After applying the condom on his cock, balancing his weight on his forearm next to your head with one hand he guided himself to your entrance and pushed himself in inch by inch so you can get used to the feeling of him stretching you this way.

You held onto his shoulders; your whimpers quenched by his neck as your lips press against it. And he started rocking his hips, slowly moving in and out, getting deeper with every thrust.

 Even if my mind can process what is going on right now, my heart just can’t. Suddenly my mind had been filled with pictures from my past few years, pictures of a heartbroken girl in situations that hurt her yet no one knew her pain. Pictures of a girl when she felt genuinely happy if she felt Ashton’s attention on her and thereby him close; when they laughed together; the feeling how she felt when he hugged her and yet she knew that meant nothing compared to the hug his real girl gets… And finally pictures from the last 30 minutes, when the person she loved is here with her, he’s all hers, even if for only a very short time.

 You felt your chest crushing up and tears started streaming down on both sides of your face.

 “Am I hurting you?” he halts for a moment, his eyes filled with concern are searching yours.

“Not physically” you think to yourself. “No…” you smiled at him stroking his face while another teardrop left the corner of your eye. “You feel so good. Please don’t stop.”

“You feel good too” he wiped away your tears, and started moving again, a little quicker and harder than before, and he just felt even more amazing.

 You really liked the way you were now, you both knew that this is just what it is, and you didn’t need him whispering meaningless lies to you and thankfully he didn’t feel the urge to do so. And as for you, he already knows everything he has to know.

He knelt up and with this his thighs made you spread your legs even wider and he slid his hand on your inner thighs to keep it that way as he started fucking you again now being able to fully bury his full length inside you. Your heart was panting and both yours and Ash’s whimpers and groans filled the room as he pushed you closer and closer to your climax for the second time this night.

You cried out as it washed over you, your thighs were shaking under his hands, and he stayed still for the moments to enjoy the sight of your trembling body and how your walls rhythmically squeezing his cock inside you. That sensation gave him the final push, after a few more thrusts you felt him stiffen inside you, and with a loud groan he collapsed on top of you burying his face in your neck. You hugged his back and caressed his neck where his condor tattoo is located and his hair right above it.

After a few calm moments while you could digest everything that has happened on your own, he got up to get rid of the condom and lied down next to you.

 “I’m really sorry. I mean it.” this is the only thing he said and you understood everything. There was no need for words.

“I know, Ash.” you stroked his face while he closed his eyes giving in to the feeling of your warm palm on his cheek.

 You pulled the blanket on you, and watched him falling asleep.

 >>><<< 

 It was 5am, you have to leave in a bit, your uber is gonna be here in thirty minutes. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, trying to take in and memorize all you can from the guy sleeping on the other side.

You’re not looking for reasons, you’re just glad it happened one way or another. It feels like this is more than you could ever ask for anyway.

But looking at him while he sleeps so peacefully… it’s ridiculous how easily you could get used to this scene. Him in your bed, or you in his… passed out after a night like this…

God, how bad you’d like to touch him, how bad you’d like to kiss him awake every morning, how bad you’d like to put your hand over his heart just to feel its even beating… But most importantly how bad you wish you had the strength to say goodbye.

 >>><<< 

 You closed the door with the heaviest heart you have ever felt in your chest. A broken heart, whose most significant part is still lying in your bed…

 You were mine for a night; I was out of my mind. You were mine for a night…

[chelledoggo]

[Fanfic] Rainbow Rhythm [101 Dalmatian Street]

genre: one-shot, slice of life

age rating: all ages

content warnings: mildly touches on feelings of depression/anxiety

summary: After a diagnosis from “Dr. Mum,” Dante is coaxed into attending one of Deepak’s Rainbow Rhythm breath classes to help him cope with his anxiety.

“Remind me again why you've got me up at nearly 7 in the morning,” the black-furred goth dalmatian groaned.

“Dr. Mum's orders, Dante,” replied Dylan. “She said your blood pressure is way too high for a pup your age. You need to get that stress level down.”

“Yeah, bro,” chimed Dolly. “Ya gotta learn to chillaaaaax~ The bags under your eyes are looking even baggier than usual!”

“You try to 'chillax' when the CONSTANT THREAT OF TOTAL GLOBAL ANNIHILATION IS CONSTANTLY LOOMING OVER YOU,” Dante retorted. “Also, don't diss my bags. I'm quite proud of them, thank you. They're a symbol of my diligence.”

“Just try to go into this with an open mind, Dante,” Dylan pleaded. “Besides, Deepak's been wanting you to attend one of his Rainbow Rhythm breath classes for ages. At least do it to make him happy. Just this once?”

“Yeah, Dante,” Dolly added, playfully poking at her goth brother's chest. “We know you've got a heart in there, no matter how cynical you try to act.”

Dante sighed in relent. “Whatever...”

The three elder pups walked out into the backyard, where Deepak had everything set up. Several of their siblings were seated on yoga mats, softly chatting among each other under the morning sun while they waited for the class to begin.

Deepak, who was meditating to himself while waiting for everyone to arrive, opened one eye to see his three older siblings walking up to the class. The yin-yang puppy's face lit up at the sight of his gloomy brother Dante. Deepak quickly got up from his seat to give his brother a hug, at which the goth's face recoiled.

“Oh, Dante,” Deepak murmured enthusiastically. “Namaste, brother! I'm so pleased that you've decided to join us today!”

“Mum made him,” snarked Dolly.

“Dolly!” Dylan quietly scolded through his teeth as he nudged his sister.

Dante sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Well,” Deepak chuckled, “Regardless of why you're attending, I'm just glad to see you here, Dante. I'm certain a Rainbow Rhythm meditation session will do your body, mind, and spirit a world of good.”

“If you say so,” Dante sighed.

The goth pup slowly walked over to a free mat in the back row and slouched down. Dylan and Dolly took their seats on the mats on either side of him and flashed him a sincere grin. Dante sighed and blew one of his floppy ears away from his face.

Suddenly, the sound of finger cymbals broke the soft murmuring of conversation as the pups all looked up in attention at Deepak.

“Good morning, dear siblings,” Deepak greeted softly as he placed his front paws together. “Namaste.”

“Namasteeee!” Echoed a cheerful chorus of pups, causing Dante to roll his tired eyes.

“Inside of every living creature,” Deepak began, “there is a beautiful rainbow; Seven points of light and energy that charge different aspects of ourselves. We call these points the chakras, and when they are properly balanced and energized, we will feel peace and harmony flow throughout our being.”

Dante made a quiet attempt to get up, but Dylan gently pulled him back by his collar.

“C'mon, man,” Dante whispered. “I can't deal with all this hippy-dippy rainbow talk.”

“You're gonna have to,” Dylan replied quietly, “Or Mum's not gonna let you go to any more Cats' Canal gigs. Besides, you'll let down poor Deepak if you leave now.”

Dante groaned and sat back down. Thankfully, Deepak was too deep into his introduction speech to notice the gloomy pup had tried to leave.

“We'll start by closing the eyes...” Deepak instructed.

All the pups, including the reluctant Dante, closed their eyes.

“...And...breathe...” Deepak continued, as he gently chimed his finger cymbals together.

The class slowly inhaled together in unison at the sound of the cymbals. Deepak then chimed them again, signaling for the class to exhale. A few silent minutes were spent getting the class into the rhythm of the breathing before their instructor moved onto the guided visualization.

“Imagine yourself being surrounded by a bright, warm, beautiful rainbow,” Deepak murmured. “See every color in your mind, as brightly and vividly as you can.”

Ughhh...okay, Dante thought to himself, Rainbow...one of those ugly bright things that shows up after a perfectly good rainstorm...how do those look again?

Dante's mind managed to conjure up a fairly vivid rainbow.

Yuck. I'm starting to gross myself out. But, there it is.

“Now that you can see this vibrant rainbow in your mind,” Deepak continued, “Focus on the color red. See a bright glowing red surrounding you. Red is connected to the root chakra, located at the base of the spine, just before the tail. This chakra connects us to the earth and keeps us grounded, even in the most difficult times. Repeat to yourself: 'I am safe. I am grounded. I will survive.'”

Fine, Dante thought to himself with a sigh. I'm...safe. I'm...grounded. I will..survive...Survive the END OF THE WORLD WHO AM I KIDDING NO ONE IS GOING TO SURVIVE WE'RE ALL DONE FOR--

Dante began hyperventilating and whimpering as he panicked inside his own head.

Dolly opened one eye and looked over at him, then began gently rubbing his back.

“Shhh...It's okay, buddy,” she whispered. “Bring it back in. Just breeeeathe, bro.”

“R-right...” Dante stuttered, sucking in a deep breath and closing his eyes to try and relax again.

“Now,” Deepak instructed, “Envision the color orange surrounding you. Orange is connected to the sacral chakra, located in the lower belly. This chakra allows us to observe our emotions and how they affect us, as well as those around us. Repeat to yourself: 'I am aware of how I feel. I am emotionally balanced. I am in touch with my feelings.'”

Dante returned to his thoughts.

I am...ugh...aware of how I feel...I am emotionally balanced...I am...in touch with...my feelings?...R-really? Am I? Do I ever really feel anything? Besides constant existential dread, that is. I really am messed up, aren't I?

Dante's body was twitching in his seat as his face winced in stress.

Dylan peeked over at his stressed out brother.

“You got this, Dante,” he whispered to the goth. “Keep your breathing steady. Whatever you're feeling, just let it pass by.”

Dante steadied himself and brought his posture back up, once again trying to reel his thoughts back in.

“Next,” Deepak continued, “Imagine yourself surrounded by the color yellow. This is the color connected to the solar plexus chakra, located below the ribcage. This chakra is associated with confidence and self-esteem, and grants us a feeling of control over our lives. Repeat to yourself: 'I am confident. I am worthy. I am in control.'”

I'm...confident...Wait, am I confident? Do I have any control over my life? I mean...I spend pretty much every waking moment of my life thinking about our inevitable demise. Could I focus on anything else if I tried? Is worrying all I'm good for?

Dante became aware of himself beginning to tense up.

N-no...I'm just gonna have to make myself focus...Otherwise I'm just gonna get all worked up again...What was it he said to repeat?...Oh, right...I am confident...I am worthy...I am in control...Yeah...That's right...Just gotta keep telling myself that...

Dante continued repeating the mantra in his head in a genuine effort to get into the right mindset. He started to feel his muscles loosing up a little, but he still had to try to push back any nagging notions that he might fall back apart at any moment.

“Now, imagine the color green,” Deepak said soothingly. “This color is associated with the heart chakra, located in the center of the chest. This chakra is associated with love for ourselves and all living things in the universe, and connects the top and bottom three chakras. As you focus on this point, repeat this to yourself: 'I love my family. I love all living beings. I love myself.' Feel the sensation of love radiating within you and without you.”

Dante stifled back a cynical chuckle. At this point he'd figured he should try to take this seriously, even if it did sound way too cutesy for his tastes.

Alright...I...I love my family...Yeah. I...I really do love my family, don't I? I mean...they don't really get me most of the time, but they put up with me anyway. They put up with me constantly panicking and feeling bad about myself. They don't see me as the lost cause that I see myself as. I guess Dolly and Dylan making me come to this...weird rainbow class thing...just proves how much they care about me.

Dante smiled a tiny bit at the thought of it.

Guess I should try to be a little easier on myself, huh? If not for me, then for them.

He continued repeating the rest of the mantra in his head, really trying to “feel” every word of it. He really was starting to relax a little bit more, much to his surprise.

“Now, picture a light blue surrounding you,” Deepak instructed. “This is the color connected to the throat chakra. This chakra controls our ability to communicate our truth, not only with others, but also within ourselves. Repeat to yourself: 'I know my truth. I will accept my truth. I will be honest with myself and others.'”

'My truth?' What even is 'my truth?' That the world is going to crumble around me and everyone I love any day now? Or am I just anticipating it? Am I just looking for ways the world will end? ...Well, no duh. Of course I am. I keep looking for signs of the apocalypse until it drives me crazy. That's why my stupid blood pressure's so high. The truth is that I  don't need to be doing this to myself and that it's only hurting me and making my folks worry about me.

Dante heaved a sigh.

Guess I should work on that...For them...

“And now we move on,” continued Deepak, “and picture a deep indigo around us. This is the color of the third-eye chakra, located on the brow, which controls our intuition and awareness. Repeat to yourself: 'I know what is. I accept the world as it is right now. I am present in the moment.'”

Okay...I know what is...That the world's currently not ending and there's nothing I can do about it. I accept the world as it is right now...Not ended. Not yet. I am present in the moment...'Present'...How do I be 'present?'

Dante tried to examine the current moment. His breathing was still slow and steady, in time with his siblings on either side of him. He observed the smell of morning grass as the wind gently blew drops of cool dew onto his feet. He listened to the natural ambiance of birds tweeting and bugs chirping mixed with the far-off sounds of the busy streets.

This is...actually kinda nice...I guess...

“And finally,” Deepak spoke softly, “picture a violet light in your mind. This is the color associated with the crown chakra, located at the top of your head. This chakra connects us to our higher self, to the universe...It grants us peace and oneness with all of existence. Repeat to yourself: 'I breathe love and light. I am at peace with the universe. I am at peace with myself.'”

Dante heaved a heavy sigh. This was going to be the hardest thing to convince himself of.

Okay...I...I breathe...love and light...Yeah...I am...at peace with...the universe...Right...I am...at peace with...myself...

Dante felt a strange feeling run up his spine.

Oh Dog...Don't tell me I'm actually starting to believe this...Heh...

Dante began sniffling, and soon felt tears begin running down his face as he began to quietly sob. He felt something lifting off of him, as if years of built-up tension had been released from his body.

He smiled peacefully as he continued sobbing. For the first time in a long time, he really did feel relaxed.

He felt Dolly and Dylan softly rub his back as he wept.

OhDogTheyNoticedIWasCryingOhDogI'llNeverLiveItDown...

Part of him didn't really care, though. He was too busy basking in this strange new blissful sensation.

Deepak also took notice of his brother's emotional release. He didn't want to bring attention to him, so he addressed the class.

“Let's just allow ourselves to be present in this peaceful feeling for a while,” he whispered.

There were a few moments of silence, save for Dante's soft weeping, which eventually quieted down. Afterwards, Deepak guided the class back through the spectrum of colors backwards to bring them back to normal awareness.

Dante's eyes slowly opened to see most of the pups had dispersed, except for Dolly, Dylan, and Deepak.

“Hnnng....Oh Dog...” Dante groaned in embarrassment.

“How you feelin, buddy?” Dolly asked with a gentle smile.

Dante quickly put on the best attempt at a stoic expression that he could muster.

“I'm fine...” he grumbled, trying to look uninterested.

“Hey,” Dylan said comfortingly. “We're all really proud of you, y'know.”

“Yeah...Whatever...” Dante sighed.

His eyes suddenly drifted downward to meet Deepak's. The young yogi pup looked up at his brother with wide, glistening eyes and a warm smile as his tail wagged.

Dante cleared his throat and looked off into the distance.

“It was, um...Pretty nice, I guess...” Dante mumbled sheepishly. “Pretty, um...relaxing...You did a good job, Deepak.”

“You did a good job, brother,” Deepak replied. “I've never seen you so at peace before...and so in touch with your emotions, too! This is a big step for you, Dante!”

The tiny puppy wrapped his arms around his goth brother and pulled himself in for a hug.

Dante couldn't help but grin a bit, in spite of himself.

“Will you be joining us again next week?” Deepak asked as he looked up hopefully at Dante.

Dante gave his little bro a small, yet genuine smile.

“Heh...I guess I can make it...” he replied with a chuckle.

Dolly and Dylan joined in on the brothers' hug.

Dante closed his eyes and sighed, enjoying the warmth of his siblings' embrace.

This...was peace.

[just-kessho]

Unrequited [2/5]

Unrequited: [1] [Here] [3] [4] [5] [Epilogue]

It seemed like humans pissed of God in more than one way.

Why?

Because they fucking cursed the humans.

First, if your love isn’t reciprocated, you would cough up flowers, painful but beautiful nonetheless. Secondly, if you continue, they would clog up your lungs and you will suffocate. Until death opened his arms and invited you to hug him of course.

And you can remove it all... the pain, the sorrow, the envy, the butterflies, the love with a single operation.

There were instances when, unable to cope with the pain, one sought medial help, thus removing all traced of flowers from their lungs, escaping from the emotion altogether.

And they mean “altogether”, as after the operation, you could never love again. True, you will still cry and laugh, however, everyone in history who underwent the operation claimed to never feel that bashful feeling of being in love again.

Zoro used to stay uncharacteristically quiet when that topic was ever brought up. And as Robin accidentally found a photo of a short haired girl which dropped out from the man’s wallet, the truth had to be brought out.

Of course, Luffy practically talked Zoro’s ears off before the latter gave in.

It turns out that the captain of the Kendo Club did suffer from Hanahaki Disease. What a surprising turn of events. He used to cough up daisies before they turned to hyacinths.

After his childhood friend, Kuina was her name, showed no interest in him, he began resenting the small flowers which were brought out everytime he coughed.

After she departed, both the blossom and colour changed. They were no longer an innocent white, but a royal purple, and changed to hyacinths.

They all stopped after the operation.

Heh, God must have thought that humans are such pitiful creatures. After all, the common man would sell his very soul just to get a glimpse of Heaven. Hmph, they probably wouldn’t even care. Get high on pills and strange crystals. Get drunk on blood wine. Such fragile creatures are the humans, why still pursue such sinful activities when you are accelerating towards Death?

… Why still love when you could die from it?

Why not get an operation?

What was there to loose? When the battle has already been lost before it has begun?

Your inner monologue was rudely interrupted by another coughing fit. As usual, various red pedals, soft as ever, cascaded down, landing in a small pile of sorrowful rose coloured just in front of your thighs.

After several moments where the only sound was the painful heaving coming from your mouth, you decided to do something about the pedals. Within the next few minutes, you had thrown out all evidence.

You heaved a heavy sigh and collapsed on your bed, arms spread out taking as much (unnecessary) space as possible.

Lying on your back, you debated on what to do. In the end, you unlocked your phone and stared up at the screen, which illuminated your surroundings in the darkness.

Phone Luffy and be talked your ear off?

Phone Nami and listen to her rant about money?

Phone Usopp and having to endure (not that you hated them) love stories?

Phone Zoro only for the Moss-head to hang up five seconds later?

Phone Sanji? Ha ha. Very funny.

Phone Chopper? That’s something new.

Phone Robin and be scared of the dark?

Phone Franky and become deaf?

Phone Brook?

… Maybe next time.

As the oily green turned into a golden yellow, the season of harvest descended on the largest island on the Grand Line. The island where the famous Grand Line University is home to.

True, there are smaller islands surrounding the “main” one (including the luxurious floating restaurant – Baratie), and pupils from not only the Grand Line but all four seas flocked to the university like pirates to a treasure.

And it was here that you made such loyal friends… and fell in love.

Only for your heart to be ripped out mercilessly.

You chuckled dryly at the cliché thought your coffee-intoxicated brain created. As cheesy as if sounds, you really felt as if your heart has been ruthlessly cut open, only for the blood to drain out slowly.

… Okay, how you’re just making yourself sad.

“Oh, [Name]-chin, how are you?”

“… Absolutely fine Keimi!” You tried to be cheerful, you really did, however, as soon as your mermaid friend’s happy voice reached your ears, you couldn’t help but be a tad bit envious of her carefree attitude.

Life was much, much easier several months back…

You two chatted about pointless things, ranging from Pappug and her friend Hatchan to her melodramatic shock at your disgust at a certain type of food.

“Hey Keimi…”

“Yes, [Name]-chin?”

“… What do you do… when someone you know has Hanahaki Disease…?”

A short silence, then-

“EHHHHH?! YOUR FRIEND HAS THAT FATAL DISEASE???!!!”

Ah, typical Keimi.

“Shhh, Keimi!” You put a finger to your lips unconsciously, mentally scolding yourself at the fact that she could not see you, “You’ll wake everybody in the Grand Line!”

“Sorry, sorry!” You could almost see her sheepish smile.

“But yeah, someone I know, and you know as well, has got Hanahaki Disease… hey, as a uh, friend, I’m asking for her sake… what should that person do?”

“[Name]-chin, why do you ask such impossibly hard questions?”

“Because I’m [Name] [Surname], the Impossible Girl.”

“Oooooh, nice Doctor Who reference!” Her tone then dropped, now sounding sincere and serious, “But… I really cannot answer that. Their life, after all, only answers to them, and them alone. So… well, if they wanted to carry the operation, then I whole heartedly support them, and if they do not, then that’s fine too! … But, I do wonder, if their happiness mean that little to them…”

“… Keimi, when did you turn into Robin?”

The other laughed, and said that coincidentally, she did meet up with Robin several hours prior.

“… Thank you Keimi.”

“No problem [Name]-chin, it’s what friends do!”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Bye [Name]-chin!”

As you pressed the red button, you felt slightly relieved… even though what you said was a white lie, at least you had some sort of idea on what to do.

Turning onto your side, you stared at the digital clock.

The last thing which lingered on your thought was that nothing, nothing could possibly stand between Sanji and his happiness.

Not even you.

So, you will reserve yourself to the shadows, securely placing a laughing mask when the two would inevitable walk down the aisle.

Once again, you thought that nothing could come between Sanji and Nami.

… How naive you were.

Because his biological family just wouldn’t give up on their son that easily.

Resulting in…

Pudding waltzing into everybody life.

And then that arranged marriage caught everybody off guard.

Flower meanings:

Daisy (innocence, hope)

Purple hyacinth (sorrow, forgiveness, regret)

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

How to Pretend to be Normal

Last night we were joking about @heliocentricgeometric‘s Zira being absolutely terrible at people skills and how Tony might help her out with that. We spontaneously started a RP that just grew. @the-grey-hunt has already said it’s canon for one of the 2 nights we camped before ending up at the caves that we ended our Session 1 at.

There’s a mention about employers getting kidnapped by goblins at the beginning but that was said before we figured out when this was taking place. Tony and Zira are the only two awake as everyone else is sleeping and we’re on night-watch.

I’ve already decided I’ll probably fic this but that’s not going to be published for a little while because of spoilers on Tony’s background. I just really want you guys to know that Tony is literally plotting murder.

D&D Campaign RPs

**

(Read more for mobiles users!)

Zira ( @heliocentricgeometric): You mean people don't want to hear all about death??

Tony (me): I'm sure they do but there's a time and place for it, you know? Also depends on the kind of person. ...Actually just keep quiet on that until the other person brings it up. But the weather is always a good topic! And spells, too. But don't give away trade secrets

Zira: The weather can kill you if it gets bad enough though.

Tony: And smile; people like that. Yeah, don't mention that. Sometimes people don't like to hear the truth. Just think of happy, fun things! And fluffy.

Zira: Uhhhhhhh, happy things liiiike the approval of others?? The love of a family?? The overwhelming fear of failure pushing you to do better???

Tony: ...

Tony: Tell me your best joke.

Zira: Uh

Tony: Take your time. Best jokes are the ones that aren't five second afterthoughts.

Zira: There was this joke my friend told but it mostly made me uncomfortable

Tony: Yeah?

Zira: It was about this guy being tortured who thought he would be freed if he gave them the answers they wanted. The joke is that he died when he outlived his usefulness.

Tony: (thinking crap)

Zira: Haha?

Tony: Um...let's...not go with a joke. I'm sure that joke will find its target audience somewhere but it is not here. Actually, use that next time we fight some bad guys. It'll go down like a lead balloon there. For added effectiveness say it from behind Rhodey.

Zira: Ok, so here are the forbidden topics: torture, death, terrible happenings, crime in general--

Tony: Yes, yes, yep.

Zira: --murder? Is that a small talk?

Tony: No.

Zira: Jobs?

Tony: Definitely not. 

Tony: ...Yes! Depending on the job!

Tony: Don't talk about that time we almost got our employer kidnapped by goblins. That doesn't speak well for us.

Zira: It’s standard to not talk about assassinations so I got that down

Tony: That's great.

Zira: I mean if he got kidnapped then that speaks more about how he’s not good enough to protect himself.

Tony: That's...irrelevant to the topic but sure.

Zira: if I ever got kidnapped I know no one would come after me.

Tony: Aw, honey, that's not true. I know for a fact DJ would be first in line and I'd be right after him

Zira: ??? That’s just procedure

Tony: Definitely not our procedure.

Zira: What???

Tony: Yeah? We're a team, Zira. That means we stick together. And if you ever got into trouble or stuck somewhere you shouldn't be we'd get you out.

Zira: That seems like a waste of resources and time, if an operative can’t function solo then they have failed.

Tony: That's a crappy way of looking at people. No one is a waste of time or space.

Zira: If they have a purpose, then yeah.

Tony: And if someone says that, then they deserve a good kick in the head.

Zira: Huh.

Tony: No, you don't need a purpose to be valuable. You're valuable for being you

Zira: Does that mean I should kick Ms. Payne in the head?

Tony: I have no idea who Ms. Payne is but I guess? If she said that, then yes.

Zira: She’d probably kill and/or make me hurt a lot for disrespect. ...I find your advice suspect.

Tony: ...Yes, she deserves all the kicks in the head.

Tony: Actually, where does Ms. Payne live? Just out of curiosity.

Zira: I don’t know; she left after finishing the first stage.

Tony: Too bad; I would have loved to have sent her a card telling her all the ways in which she was wrong. Ms. Payne, huh? Tell me more about her.

Zira: That is one of the ballsiest things anyone has ever said to me.

Tony: I haven't even gotten started, buddy.

Zira: Ms. Payne was my caretaker!! She encouraged me in all the ways that I needed to be encouraged. She was very lenient, too, even when she caught me sneaking into the library.

Tony: Oh yeah?

Zira: And sneaking food.

Tim (aka Bo/Bill via @thechaoticwave): *wakes up* Sorry, what is this about?

Tony: Shhh. Go back to sleep

Tim: Oh okay, sorry.

Zira: I was hungry and so was my friend and she only smacked me a little bit, AND let me keep the food.

Tony: Um

Tony: How often did that happen?

Zira: Oh y’know. It was a training thing, we had to learn how to deal with lean times, or not having access to resources. So they kept us on the edge of starvation for a while

Tony: ...oh yeah.

Zira: Ms. Payne said I did a good job of being creative and fighting for my food.

Tony: That's...totally reasonable.

Zira: She said that willingness to break rules to do what needs to be done is good.

Tony: Creativity's a good thing. Depends on the rules

Zira: Honestly i was just hungry though, and I hated seeing Meri so sad. It was hard to dance when she was so hungry, and she loved to dance. So...

Tony: You got her food. That was a brave thing to do, Zira.

Zira: ... Thank you

Tony: But that must have been tough. And that definitely wasn't fair on you or your friends. You were kids. Kids shouldn't have to worry about that. No matter what you are or where you're from

Zira: We were special.

Tony: Aren't we all?

Zira: We were meant for something. And they helped us on that path.

Tony: ...yeah, I've heard that, too.

Zira: But I’m scared they were wrong. I saw things that weren’t right. But what were we doing, if not the right thing?

Tony: You were doing what you had to. Tony: I've only known you a few days now, but I know that you're a sweet kid. I know that you care for others and that you're trying. You wouldn't have done anything unless you had to.

Zira: ....

Tony: There was only so much you could do as a kid.

Zira: Thanks. You seem nice, too. And you seem like me. Kinda like you’re running.

Tony: I guess we all kind of are in a way. We're all similar like that. And nice? I guess I'll have to turn in my street cred cards

(DJ aka @doxblogsstuff rolls over in his sleep and snorts, then mumbles "Bombs" then starts snoring.)

Tony: (snorts) That kid over there? Blew up a few things at his school. Didn't quite fit in there either. I ran into him getting into trouble. You want to guess what?

Zira: Did he blow something up?

Tony: That was too easy.

Zira: He seems like the type

Tony: You think, huh? Yeah, and then he just followed along after me.

Zira: He blew up a library.

Tony: ...Wait, really?

Zira: Who does that?

Tony: I didn't see any explosions.The last library he blew up was his university's. 

Zira: He said he set off something in a library.

Tony: Ah, yeah. That'd be the one.

Zira: And supposedly murder is bad so I didn’t do that.

Zira: But seriously.

Tony: ...Okay, I'll be honest and say it depends on the type of murder and also DJ's school got used to his explosions.

Zira: A library?? That’s such a safe place, with so many areas to hide.

Tony: Or as used as they could be. Yeah, libraries are quiet, aren't they? Lots of places to hide; lots of things to do. Things to discover… Or blow up in this dummy's case.

Zira: Stuff to learn! Knowledge is power, the more you know the less they can hurt you.

Tony: Yeah, knowledge goes a long way in helping that.

Zira: Get everything right and everything will be ok.

Tony: Or as okay as it can be. I'm never going to say it'll be perfect, but it'll be okay somehow.

Zira: But a lot of the stuff they said was wrong, so can I ask: Is it normal to beat kids as encouragement to do better?

Tony: ...No.

Zira: Violence seems frowned upon, so I guessed so

Zira: Why? It seems to work fine. It worked on me.

Tony: Look, I'm going to be honest again and say sometimes violence gets you places. But what kind of places those are might not be good. But it's never okay to hurt a kid.

Zira: Huh. Ok. So there’s a lot to unpack there.

Tony: You say it worked on you. What do you remember about what happened?

Zira: I was a coward, or forgot things, or did something else wrong. And then they hurt me. Not enough to take me out, but enough to serve as a reminder to do better.

Tony: ...

Tony: Would it be fair of me to say that when they beat you, you were scared to have it happen again?

Zira: Of course. I was scared a lot

Tony: I bet you were. And when you're scared, sometimes you make mistakes. Especially when you're so scared you can't think straight.

Tony: But let's picture this. You do something wrong. Say you messed up in a spar. And instead of beating you, Ms. Payne instead tells you that it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. This is what you did wrong and this is how you can do it better next time.

Zira: I...

Tony:  Would that have been better than what actually happened?

Zira: It would have hurt less.

Tony: And you would have learned from that mistake, wouldn't you?

Zira: I don’t know.

Tony: That's okay. You don't have to know right now. But please believe me when I say that you didn't deserve any of that.

Zira: Logically, the brain functions less efficiently when in pain, as it is dedicating most energy to handling that pain. So it leads to more mistakes, whiich is why torture is so effective. They’re more likely to let something slip out, or do anything to make the pain stop. But pain also imprints in your mind more.

Tony: ...yeah

Zira: It’s intense and ensures you never forget how to make it stop, how to avoid it. But I would have liked to not have been hurt.

Tony: No one wants to be hurt. But you remember that first thing you said? “The brain functions less efficiently when in pain.”

Zira: Yes.

Tony: How did she expect you to learn if you were in pain?

Zira: I don’t know.

Tony: I don't either, Zira. But I do know that you're something else to be sitting here in front of me.

Zira: I--

Zira: Thank you.

Tony: It's no problem, kid. And even if you don't believe me now, and you don't have to, I hope you think about it. And if you do ever happen to remember where Ms. Payne ran off to...let me know? I'll make sure we steer clear of her.

Zira: I will. I appreciate it, as if she ever knows where I am in light of some things that have happened it would probably be quite dangerous to go near her.

Tony: ...Thanks for telling me.

Zira: It’s no problem :), and I hope whatever you’re running from turns out ok, too.

Tony: I know you haven't known me long, and you've probably only heard whatever stories DJ told you, but trust me when I tell you that I'm not going to let anything happen to you.

Tony: ...Thanks, kid. I hope so, too.

Tony: By the way, you said you like libraries, right? You ever want a conversation with someone, books are a good way to do it. People love a good story. Just, er...tone down the murder and the facts about what happens to bodies.

Zira: I LOVE talking about libraries; that is officially my Small Talk.

Tony: Then that's what you'll talk about when you meet someone new, all right?

Zira: Yeah!

Tony: But after introducing yourself first. And asking them how they're doing.

Zira: (mentally taking notes)

Tony: I've been reliably informed it turns people off if you start talking immediately about something else.

Zira: But also, I’ve noticed that people have second names? That designate what clan/family they belong to.

Tony: Not everyone. Bo...or Bill, I guess, doesn't have one.

Zira: So if I introduced myself it would not be abnormal to not include a last name?. Seeing as I don’t have one.

Tony: ...I mean this in the nicest way possible, but the most abnormal thing about you would not be your missing last name.

Zira: Actually, can numbers be last names? I have an operative number that I could use.

Tony: ...what...is it?

Zira: Yes, i have been considered unfit for infiltration due to my appearance.

Tony: Unfit?

Zira: And inability to "shut my fucking mouth."

Tony: Well, you certainly stand out in a crowd, but that's a good thing! ...sometimes Actually, ignore that last bit

Tony: I've never heard of anyone with numbers for last names. It'd probably be a little unusual. But if you really want a last name we could come up with something.

Zira: I don’t want a number last name, so I will go to a library and look for a list of last names. The number makes me feel very small, and I don't know why.

Tony: That sounds like a great idea. Let me know if you want help with that.

Zira: Ok! It seems I have a lot of choices, which is nice. I may run some by you, if that’s all right.

Tony: Oh yeah. There are loads of options. And I’m here for you in that case. We all are. But for the love of God, don’t run them by Bo. Bill, I mean. That bird has no sense in names

Zira: He has so many names. I didn’t know someone could have that many names.

Tony: Neither did I and I have two.

Tony: By the way, DJ stands for Dummy Junior and don’t let him tell you otherwise.

Zira: It WHAT

Tony: Oh yeah.

Zira: (immediately lunges over to DJ)

Tony: No, no, don’t wake him up. Do you want explosions?

(Zira freezes in place)

Tony: You can ask him in the morning.

Zira: But I have to know. This is the best thing I think I’ve ever learned.

Tony: Well, he probably wouldn't tell you immediately. It took me several bribes of bombs and some candy to get him to 'fess up.

Zira: Who names their child Dummy?

DM ( @the-grey-hunt): (somewhere, in another universe, Tony sneezes)

Zira: And the junior bit implies there is a GROWN MAN WITH THE NAME DUMMY.

Tony: Honestly I have no idea but I'm sure I don't want to run into DJ's dad.

Zira: Ohhhh my god.

Tony: Or maybe he was just so small that they had to add the junior bit.

Zira: I would laugh in his face which would absolutely get me punched.

Tony: In your groin, probably.

Zira: Oh my god

Tony: He can't jump that high.

Zira: I called DJ a little man when we first met.

Tony: Ooh yeah.

Zira: Which he was not happy about

Tony: That would do it. I mean, he's small. But best not to bring that to his attention unless you want a lecture. Candy doesn't quite seem to do the trick...

Zira: Candy?

Tony: ...are you telling me you have never had candy?!

Zira: What is candy??

Tony: I don't have a simple answer for this other than really good food. I mean, it can be sweet and sour?

(Tony is rummaging around in his pack.)

Tony: So I guess it depends on what your preferences are. Me, I like sweet. But I occasionally go for sour, too.

Zira: Sweet?? I know sour is like lemons.

(Tony pulls out bag of candy, which is mostly chocolates but there are some rock candies as well.)

Tony: Do you like lemons?

Zira: I got some lemon juice poured on some wounds once.

Tony: ...god, why

Zira: It tasted terrible.

Tony: Nothing sour for you, then.

Zira: It might’ve been the blood though. Training of course.

Tony: Wait, did you taste the lemon or the blood?

Zira: Gotta know how to deal with torture and such. Something definitely tasted bad

Tony: ...I wish I didn't understand the reasoning behind that logic damn it

Tony: Okay, here's something sour. Since lemons can taste nice and I'm not having your taste of lemon be spoilt by blood, which definitely tastes nasty. Unless you're a vampire; I don't judge...much.

Zira: :o

DM: (Zira is handed a single Ye Olde Sour Gummy. It’s the blue and red one.)

Zira: (face kinda twists up) Why would someone want to eat this?? It hurts?

Tony: ...Definitely not sour, then. Some people like it. Try the chocolate?

DM: (the chocolate's a little melty; backpack temperature)

Zira: (lights up)

Zira: !!!!!! This tastes so nice!! Is it magic??

Tony: (laughs) Close enough, I like to think.

Tony: Okay, so chocolate is a hit. You're my type of girl. There's also this. It's a kind of rock candy which is great for sucking on.

Zira: :D! They should’ve just used this to get us to do good.

Tony: Just let it sit in your mouth and roll it around your tongue. Unless you have super tough teeth, in which case I guess you could just bite it in half. But the fun is in letting it sit on your tongue. It's great for long hikes. 

Tony: Yeah, chocolate goes a long way in bribery. Would've worked wonders when I was a kid.

(Zira has sharp teeth, and when she grins you can see how they shimmer like mother of pearl. She’s grinning and her face is covered in chocolate and every unearthly thing about her is in sharp relief.)

Tony: (entirely unfazed) Yeah, your teeth are super sharp. Let's not bite it in half. I have more where that came from but you need to enjoy it.

Zira: You are now officially one of my favorite people. I wish Meri could have some of this.

Tony: I would be significantly more impressed by that if I didn't know what kind of people were in your past.

Tony: You could keep some to take to her if we ever run into her? ...Or maybe not that bit in particular because it'll melt for sure.

Zira: I don’t know if that’s a good idea. She’s still loyal. I ran and left her behind and now she’s probably mad at me and under orders to bring me back dead or alive.

Tony: You were friends, weren't you?

Zira: I can’t believe I left her behind. God. I just ran.

(Tony slowly goes to sit next to her.)

Tony: How old were you?

Zira: I’ve lost track. Less than a year ago...so around 17. I received a sign and I panicked.

Tony: You panicked and you ran. You didn't think, did you? You just had to get out. You had to be somewhere else because where you were wasn't right.

Zira: Yes. Yes, that’s exactly it. How did you know?

Tony: I know something about that kind of panic. It just grabs you and doesn't let you go. And you're left scrambling for what's broken.

Zira: I was afraid for so long, but I thought… I thought I could be brave, that I could be strong for Meri. But then...

Tony: But then?

Zira: I left. I went out on my first real mission, and we got deep into the forest, and I collapsed and woke up with the realization that I had to leave. And I did, unthinking and terrified.

Tony: There was nothing else? ...That sounds difficult. And your friend...she was still in the forest?

Zira: She should have finished the mission.

Tony: I don't know the details, and I'm not asking you to share everything. I know it's difficult. But your friend... She was your friend?

Zira: And continued taking orders, so. ...Yes

Tony: You two trusted each other?

Zira: She was everything. We protected each other. I stole food for her, and she helped me fight. I helped her with writing and reading when the instructors called her stupid. She defended me from our more sadistic classmates.

Tony: ...

Tony: (sighs)

Tony: I don't know Meri the way you do. I don't know if she would have gotten a sign like yours either. But from what you're telling me? Do you think she would trust the people she's with now, or do you think she'd trust you? Do you think that after everything you two shared that she'd just abandon everything?

Zira: I don’t know

Tony: I don't either.

Zira: She hated them. She fought back a lot at first and they broke her. And now… I don’t know.

Zira: She still tried to keep me safe, but she got worn down and down and down.

Tony: But she defended you.

Tony: That happens. But she had you. And I know - I know you said you left her behind.

Zira: Yes. I knew how worn down she was. I knew she needed someone to hold her up, keep her back safe. And yet…

Tony: I can't tell you what she felt when that happened. What she thought about it. But the kind of bond you described...that doesn't go away so easily. It can't. So if you ever meet her again...maybe...maybe things aren't as bad as you think they are.

Tony: And yet...

Zira: I think I’d like some chocolate.

Tony: Yeah, me, too.

Zira: Just in case.

Tony: Sure thing. It'll probably melt before, but I've got more

(Tony does hand the bag to Zira.)

(It's his entire stash)

(Zira lights up)

Zira: This is all for me??

Tony: ...Let me take the sour ones out first

DM: (there’s 2 slightly chocolate stained sour gummies left)

Zira: I didn’t do anything to earn this, why… (And she droops a bit)

(Tony pats her shoulder)

(Zira starts to kind of, push it back towards him)

Tony: Lesson 1, kid. You don't have to earn presents. You get presents for being you.

Zira: Presents????

Tony: This is a present. A slightly melted present but a present

Zira: :D!

Zira: Presents are great!!

Tony: That they are. Just don't give any to DJ. They're wasted on him. Bombs are the way to go if you want to bribe him. Also Rhodey likes a chocolate but you can't give them to him.

Zira: I will keep that in mind. ...It’s getting late.

Tony: Yeah.

Zira: We should probably hand the shift off. And, Tony?

Tony: Hm?

Zira: Thank you. Thank you so much.

Tony: ...you're welcome, Zira.

Zira: Goodnight, friend.

(Tony is rather speechless) 

Tony: ...yeah, goodnight. Sweet dreams.

Tony: ...Also, don't sneak too much chocolate before you sleep. It'll give you a stomachache.

Zira: Gotcha :)

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat, p8 reaction

It doesn't FEEL like it could already be time for the Masterpiece, but then, what else is there? Until now we've been switching back and forth between Earth C & John. Unless we now go see what post-retcon Terezi has been up to, I guess it might be time to witness the penultimate moment of Caliborn's ascension to Lord English, the last moment being when LE hatches from Doc Scratch.

---

"> JOHN: Zap to your final destination.

Where the hell are you?

DAVE: where the hell are we DAVE: i cant see shit"

Welp it's time for this?? ... Unless John misfired and they're in the Furthest Ring, I'd think that they'd find Caliborn in his station on LOCAM. ... I don't suppose there's going to be an actual stage like in the Vine videos. :P If that were so, it appears someone killed the lights, though.

Maybe something prevents them from actually going to Caliborn, like they're missing a crucial artifact and they wouldn't be able to escape from LOCAM with John's powers to return to the same moment with another retcon. We know the juju almost instantaneously can absorb them. ... It'd be something if the events of the Masterpiece somehow preordained them into doing something first.

"JADE: shhh!

It’s dark. Not like “someone turned out the lights out” dark. More like “someone destroyed the concept of light at its very source” dark." I suppose that, in Caliborn's art, it would be "vantablack" dark due to the absence of a light source he never bothered to draw, but I doubt they just zapped into one of his scribbles he made after John beat him up.

Also, it's a good Light wasn't capitalized in that description. Though, to think about it, Void would look enormously black, wouldn't it? ... Did John zap them into the Void somehow??? It IS the place where Caliborn's soul was stuck for a very long time, after all, but that is after the Masterpiece took place.

"It’s a darkness that fills up your skull. Jake puts this more eloquently, as always:

JAKE: By golly it is indeed dark as fuck." A+ observation, Jake.

"ROXY: shoosh!!!" That makes two of the girls shooshing them. ... For a minute there I thought they recognized this void, until I remembered it was Game Over Roxy and post-retcon Jade that ended up meeting Calliope's ghost.

"Jade breaks off from the group. She moves through the air gracefully, ears twitching as she sniffs through space like a bloodhound. “There!” she exclaims, and points down. All the way down." Being a bit destracted by unformatted sentences uttered by one of the main characters, I'll be honest. But yeah, I suppose the Space and Void player are most qualified to navigate this... realm. Caliborn's version of the Veil, maybe? Since it would appear they're not alone here, after all.

"All the way down beneath you there is a light source. Gray, focused—like a spotlight, except that it’s folded over the curvature of the space beneath it. At the center of it stands teenage Lord English, all decked out in his ostentatious god tier jammies." ... Ah. Not a stage in the literal sense, but Caliborn did prepare a grand scene for this faceoff, in that he literally prepared the shittiest scene imagineable: none at all.

"Gamzee’s there too, for some unfathomably stupid reason. There’s a robot bunny chilling out on top of a chest, lookin’ cool and kicking its cute little bunny legs back and forth." Welp, that sure are the beings present for the Masterpiece. That was the chest Caliborn kept the juju in, hoh boy.

"You hope that neither of these unexpected dramatis personae will play a role in the coming battle, because it wouldn’t feel right whaling on either of them at this point." Of course they're going to stay irrelevant, what are you saying? :B

"Lord English is holding something that looks like... Lil Cal? It’s definitely Lil Cal" So, uh, John recognizes the puppet then? ... Well, granted, he did see baby Dirk/Bro with it on the meteor, and during the ten years since someone must've described the thing to him at one point.

", and Lord English is definitely waltzing around with it in his little spotlight in the middle of the nowhere, swinging the puppet around by both its floppy arms. Well, rather, he was waltzing around. He stopped the moment you looked at him." ... Pffff he wasn't even expecting them right then? He was just playing pretend with Cal for who knows how long.

"> Behold your adversary.

JOHN: ... CALIBORN: ..." No. No, we're not doing this again, are we? The epic frown off.

"JOHN: ... CALIBORN: ... JOHN: ... CALIBORN: ... JOHN: ... CALIBORN: ... JOHN: ... CALIBORN: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

What. The fuck. ... Does... Does Caliborn not recognize John because he's an adult???? Or... I mean... Timelines... Okay, yeah, Blaperile reminded me about something.

Caliborn in the Masterpiece didn't seem to recognize John. So. That could mean that. This. Is. Pre-retcon Caliborn.

Fucking Hells. Even if they get sucked into the juju...

That means. Lord English is pre-retcon Caliborn. But post-retcon Caliborn might be a seperate entity. That means he's an unknown quantifier, but that would mean Paradox Space is seriously screwed, right? A Caliborn not destined to become Lord English would be free to do whatever he pleased with his Lord of Time powers, and then all bets are off. Even if his pre-retcon self became the bane of endless universes, he was still limited, sanctioned by Paradox Space.

FYI, with pre-retcon & post-retcon, here I meant that I think that, this Caliborn never had John zapping into his room. But, now that I think about it some more... He would still have recognized John and the others from the consoles. (Hmm, unless the consoles only showed Caliborn images from B2, but I didn't think that was the case.) Meanwhile, I don't think the ghost of the Caliborn that Alternate Calliope 'ate' would be dressed in god tier jammies and be chilling with Lil' Seb and Gamzee...

"You simply refuse to answer his question. Instead, you do something so much better. Something that will make both his inevitable fate and your regard for his character incontrovertibly clear." Is it a punch in the face? Tell me it's a punch in the face. If this Caliborn turns out to be blameless in the rise of Lord English, the second hand embarassment will be palpable.

"> Give him a thumbs-down." Ah. Beatdown, imminent. :P

"Lord English drops the puppet. For a moment he looks shocked, maybe even a little afraid, but it passes quickly. He starts laughing." Wow, okay. I didn't think I was ready to consider liking the idea of a version of Caliborn that is more jerk-with-low-self-esteem, but, here I'm getting there.

"JOHN: uh. CALIBORN: NEVERMIND. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE." ... Oh, then scratch everything I just said. :P Guess the dorky theatrics finally gave it away, huh? Well, granted, Caliborn is a self-professed slow learner and been shown to be slow in the uptake in some regards.

"CALIBORN: IT WAS FORETOLD. BY THE MASTERPIECE I MADE. WHEN I WAS BUT A BOY." With Caliborn, it's never clear if he's just boasting or being sincere. It might be that 7 years passed for him in his session too, but if he had been 13 at the time he could be 20. Then again, if he was 11... He'd still count as a teenager.

"JOHN: what? CALIBORN: BE QUIET. CALIBORN: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT YOU JUST INTERRUPTED A GROUNDBREAKING INTERPRETIVE ART PIECE. CALIBORN: IT WAS THE FIRST OF ITS KIND. PERFORMED ONLY ONCE. AND MADE MORE VALUABLE FOR ITS RARENESS. JOHN: wow. CALIBORN: I SAID SHUT UP. IT’S RUDE TO TALK THROUGH THE OVERTURE. CALIBORN: BUT DON’T WORRY. ALTHOUGH YOU MISSED MY VERY IMPORTANT DANCE DEMONSTRATION." ... Interpretive dance. His wickedness really knows no bounds!!! :mspa:

"CALIBORN: NOW YOU WILL PARTICIPATE IN SOMETHING EVEN MORE IMPORTANT." Welp. Caliborn has Fate on his side in this one. He knows what's coming! Guess we're left to see how straightforward everything will unfold now.

"The young Lord’s face begins to distort. The unhinging of his jaw reverberates in the empty space. He laughs through the remainder of his nefarious soliloquy, which he has possibly prepared in advance for this moment." I was thinking he'd start shooting lasers, but it would appear the rest of his 'soliloquy' may consist solely out of "HA. HA. HA." repeated ad nauseum.

"CALIBORN: BY NOW, SURELY MANY HAVE WITNESSED MY MASTERPIECE. CALIBORN: AS IT HAS CIRCULATED THROUGH THE BLACK VEINS. OF THE DARK WEB. CALIBORN: TRILLIONS HAVE WITNESSED ITS MAJESTY. HATERS AND FOOLS ALIKE." That might be a LITTLE bit overestimating it. :P Unless, of course, he's talking about all of the ghosts in the dreambubbles, rebubbling the memory ad infinitum. I'm reminded of Gamzee's rap, though, about the trillions being bled.

"CALIBORN: BUT NOW. THE TIME HAS COME. CALIBORN: FOR EVERYONE TO SHUT UP ABOUT HOW GREAT MY MASTERPIECE WAS. CALIBORN: AND THE TIME IS NOW AT HAND..." To see the truth or lack thereof in the masterpiece.

"CALIBORN: FOR YOU ALL TO *BECOME* MY MASTERPIECE!" ... Wow. Epic.

Okay, that was delivered perfectly.

If we weren't in the epilogues, I'd have expected an [S] page next.

Gotta say, for knowing how this will go in broad strokes, I'm glad at getting the finer details filled in.

So, Caliborn seemed to imply in his Masterpiece Jade still had her First Guardian powers. Guess this scene still takes place in the Green Sun's gaze then. I hope I'm forgiven for being confused. Post-canon takes place outside of it, but Caliborn's session was spawned in Universe C. So at some point, he fell back into the Green Sun's domain somehow. Maybe simply by Entering his session. He thusly entered canon, and gained quite a bit of relevance to Paradox Space.

"A young Lord stands on his stage. It just so happens that today, the thirteenth of April, 11111111111, is this boy's wriggling day. Though it was 18 sweeps ago he was given life, it is only today he will obtain ultimate power.

What will this young Lord do?"

[taco-night-frenzy]

Crocs and Robbers

Toadette and Goombella, two of New Donk Police Department's (or NDPD) finest.

It's a night in New Donk City like any other when they get the call that a certain crocodile crook is causing crimes. Can they apprehend such a slimy sleazebag? (Spoilers: Probably.)

Fandom: Mario Characters: Goombella, Toadette, Croco Rating: G Mirror Links: AO3 Notes: Think of this as a teaser for a much longer Detective Luigi fic I'm working on that will be based in the same universe as this one, and takes place before it. Thousand Year Door and Mario RPG will be represented most here, but there's going to be some slight references to Mario and Luigi: Super Star Saga as well, as that game will play a major part in the longfic that I'll be posting later. Hope you enjoy!

New Donk City moved with its usual hustle and bustle. Neon lights twinkled like the stars in the night sky, or at least Toadette assumed that’s what the stars looked like. Not that she ever saw them here. Toads of every shape and size mingled happily along the sidewalks, with even a few Koopas and Goombas mixed in! Maybe things here in Mushroom District were actually turning around.

“Hey, hey, Toadette!” Goombella yelled, mouthful of shroom crepe, crumbs spilling out with each word. “After our shift, we should totally go shopping! You need some better off-duty clothes, girl! Also, you gotta try this, it’s great!”

“I’m driving!” Toadette complained weakly, but truth be told, she just didn’t want to eat it. It probably wouldn’t look good for a couple of cops to be eating sweets while patrolling. “Plus, I think I dress just fine! It’s comfy! My vest and dress match with my hair, you know?”

“Yeah, but every Toad dresses like that! It’s so basic, y’know?” Goombella completely ignored Toadette’s complaint, holding up the crepe in front of her with her mouth. It wasn’t like she could use her hands.

Toadette tried to mask her expression but felt at least a little heat in her cheeks. To Goombas, mouths were just like their hands. It wasn’t anything weird to them, but it still took some getting used to. Toadette took a tentative bite of it, making sure not to get too close to Goombella’s lips. Sweet creamy vanilla meshed together with light rubbery mushroom, all tied together with a fluffy wrap. It shouldn’t work, but…

“Tastes all right,” Toadette admitted, not exactly a huge fan of mushroom style foods, being a Toad and all. “Is this from Zess T. again? Isn’t she, like, basically holding you ransom for money?”

Neon yellow from a Fire Flower sign hit Goombella’s shocked face, her blonde hair highlighted with red light. “Huh? W-well, I mean, I did step on her contacts… You gotta respect her culinary talents though.”

Toadette frowned. “I don’t like the way she treats you. You’re a cop, you know? People should treat you with respect. Just because you’re not a Toad-”

“She does!” Goombella argued desperately. “Just, um, in her own way. Or else, I don’t think she would have given me this treat.”

Before Toadette could counter with ‘Well you gave her those ingredients to make it!’ a raspy Toad voice screeched out from the radio.

“All units, all units! There is a robbery in progress at Dixie Orphanage over at the intersection on Dixie and Cranky Street! Suspect goes under the name of Croco and is reportedly armed and dangerous!”

“What the heck?”

“What the hell!?” Goombella practically spat out her crepe. “Orphanage? Who the hell robs an orphanage?! I knew Croco was low, but this?!”

Toadette wracked her brain. She should know this one, she really should! But… just in case. “Uh, who is Croco again?”

Goombella shook her head. This kind of thing always came so easily to her. Goombella knew everyone and everyone knew her. Toadette didn’t understand how this could be.

“He’s that purple skinned crocodile! He’s partners with Popple! You know, the self-proclaimed shadow thief? They’re a bunch of jerks who’ll do anything for a quick coin! Apparently, even stealing from an orphanage. Croco’s known for his bombs, so it’s best we keep a safe distance. Also!” Goombella seemed to get really offended at this part. “That freak wears crocodile skin crocs! Can you believe it? Totally messed up, and totally tacky!”

Like always, that was a little more information than Toadette needed, but she appreciated it anyway. Before she could hit the sirens, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She quickly glanced at the message.

Yahoo! Hiya, Toadette! Just lettin’ you know I’m gonna be out late tonight! Gonna go explore some old building by Smithy’s territory! Heard a rich old Boo used to haunt the place, so there’s probably treasure! Don’t call the cops on me if I’m not in time for breakfast at Shimi’s lol. -C. T.

“Eh? Who is it?” Goombella asked anxiously, gobbling the crepe down quickly. She really wanted to hit the siren button.

“Just my brother,” Toadette sighed. “Going out to explore some haunted house by Smithy’s. I’ll call him back later.”

Goombella frowned, the effect less powerful when she had whipped cream around her lips. “Hey, you sure he’ll be okay? That’s not a safe part of the city, y’know?”

Toadette quickly put away her phone. “The Captain’s always fine, you know him. He’s done stupider things. Anyway, we really should get going! I want to show Chief Toadstool we don’t need Mario’s help for everything!”

“Ohmigosh, I know!” Goombella said excitedly, bonking the siren button with glee. Red and blue lights swirled above, and already cars were moving out of their way. “Peach never thinks I can do anything! She always credits you!” She rummaged under her seat.  “Hold on, grabbing the mushroom.”

Grinning, Toadette slammed her foot down on the pedal, deftly weaving through the streets. “I know, I know, the Chief still has a little trouble with Goombas,” Toadette said, drifting left through an intersection, the blaring sirens filling her with adrenaline. “But she’s warming up to you! Honest!”

Goombella hopped back up onto her seat, red speckled mushroom held daintily in her mouth. “Psh, don’t I know it. Even took you a while to trust me.” It was hard to tell what with the world spinning around in flashes of light and sound, but Toadette felt a hint of sadness there. “I’m glad I can help with the Goomba rep though, y’know?” She grinned. “Anyway, you ready to boost, girl?!”

“Yes, ma’am!”

With an excited huff, Goombella stuffed the rubbery thing inside a little tube on their dashboard. Instantly, the engines exploded with power, and the exhaust rumbled as their little cop car shot out of the streets and dangerously into the night air.

“Woo ho ho hooo!! Yeah!!” They screamed in unison, barreling towards whatever criminal thought he could cause trouble in their city.

Tires screeched, and car doors slammed. The orphanage was illuminated in the color of justice, red and blue. As per usual, Ted N. Toad was the first to arrive, but also the last to actually do anything. Luckily for Toadette, he had at least set up some police tape and was hooting and hollering at any passersby to stay away.

“What’s the situation, Ted?” Toadette asked the worried looking Toad, hands at her hips.

“H-he’s got the kids and Monster Mama hostage!” Ted said, stumbling over his words. “I-I would have gone in there and handled this myself, but I left my bazooka at home…”

“Sure,” Goombella said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. A very powerful move, considering most of her body was eyes. “You say that every time, Ted.”

Other Toads didn’t take well to Goombella’s sass. “H-hey! I would have! Really! Where’s your bazooka then, huh?”

Goombella didn’t back down to them. Not anymore. Toadette was here. “Don’t need one. Isn’t that right, Toadette?”

Toadette nodded smugly, her hand motioning around the glowing Fire Flower in its holster at her side. Goombella may not have been issued her NDPD (New Donk Police Department) Fire Flower like everyone else, but Toadette would be damned if they’d give her crap about it. A bonk from Goombella hit way harder than a Fire Flower ever would anyway.

“W-well, whatever!” Ted whined, pouty face at full force. “Things are a mess right now. His demands are insane! I have no idea what we should do!”

“What’s he want?” Toadette asked, already afraid to hear the answer.

“A million coins!” Ted cried, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. Are us Toads always like this? Toadette thought to herself.

“A million?!” Goombella repeated angrily. “The Dixie Orphanage barely makes ends meet as it is! Monster Mama relies on donations to keep it open! What the hell is Croco thinking?!”

Hearing the commotion outside, a slimy voice oozed out into the streets from the orphanage. “Nyah, see, it’s a great plan you maroons!” Through one of the windows, the purple croc stuck a megaphone cautiously, his cliché voice echoing out for everyone to hear.

“Ain’t nobody wants to see a buncha kids explode, see? You pigs’ll pay up! And, AND! If ya don’t, I bet that big palooka, Bowser, will, see? Buncha little Goomba kids and Koopa kids in here! That jerk’s LOADED!”

“You slimy freak!” Goombella yelled back, hopping up onto one of the police cars. “Bowser talks big, but he’d sooner smash you and the orphanage just to shut you up! If you keep talking like that, there’s gonna be an army of Koopatrol’s out here, busting down the door!”

“S-should she be talking to him like that…?” Ted whispered.

“It’s fine,” Toadette replied. “She knows what she’s doing when it comes to speaking.”

“But, uh… antagonizing the guy holding a bomb to an old lady and kids?...”

“Shhh, Ted.”

Croco’s voice broke over the megaphone and an old lady’s raspy voice made it out during his shocked state. “…see I told you…” followed by an overly loud “Quiet, ya wise guy!”

“Toadette, hand me a megaphone will ya?” Goombella said in a hushed tone. Toadette retrieved it quickly from their car, propping it up in front of Goombella. “Thanks.” She cleared her throat.

“Hey, Croco! So where’s your pal, Popple, eh? Not like you to go out on your own!”

The gator’s eyes swiveled back to the window, his pupils sharp as his teeth. “Why should I tell ya nothin, ya dumb broad!?” He hissed into the megaphone, making sure to puff his cigar out the window for everyone to see. “Popple was busy, see? Said he had more important things to do than rob an orphanage! Can you believe the nerve of that guy?”

Goombella grinned a toothy grin to Toadette, one that only they could see. “Oh, really? Why’s that?”

Croco was clearly getting worked up talking about his partner, leaning outside the orphanage’s window. “Said he had some bigwig to talk to! What’s a bigwig want with a thief likes us, eh? He just doesn’t wanna hang out anymore, I bet!”

Goombella nodded along, but her eyes locked onto Toadette’s. She was giving her a signal. Her eyes glanced at the front door of the orphanage. The place only had two floors, and certainly wasn’t well fortified. Next to all the other tall buildings, the orphanage looked like an on old sack of potatoes left to soak in the rain.

Toadette cautiously stepped forward, making sure to stay out of Croco’s eyesight. He was busy complaining. She gripped the stem of her Fire Flower tight, feeling the heat of its petals burning the air around her. One wrong move, and everything could come burning down. Literally and figuratively.

“Yeah, Popple always has been a totally bossy jerk, hasn’t he?” Goombella said. The way she talked about the guy, it was so strange, it was like she really knew everything about him. “Gets angry at the drop of a hat, too, right? Bet you hate having him as a partner sometimes.”

“Ugh, yeah!” Croco groaned, opening up the window just a little more, cigar now held casually between his scaly fingers. “Literally, too! I drop my hat off while we was muggin’ some chump last week, see? Guy blows a gasket! Starts callin’ me a big dumb palooka, sayin’ I don’t respect the job!”

Toadette used this time to reach for the door. Flimsy. Felt like she could rip it off its hinges pretty easily. But also locked. Croco wasn’t that stupid. She turned to Goombella who was chattering away with Croco like a gossipy school girl and motioned a fist silently at the door. Goombella nodded.

“OhmiGOSH!” Goombella shrieked into the megaphone. “TELL me about IT! My BOSS is TOTALLY the SAME WAY sometimes, Y’KNOW?”

Croco rubbed a slimy finger into his ears, cringing at the horrible static noise coming from Goombella’s megaphone. “Yeah, I know, but do ya gotta scream about it, ya dumb broad? Geez. Thought I heard somethin’ too…” He turned back away from the window for a moment. “Hey, old hag, you trip or somethin’? Keep quiet!”

Toadette let out a sigh of relief, brushing off the splinters from her uniform. The door had fallen apart like a wet pile of twigs at her tackle, and thanks to Goombella, it seemed Croco was none the wiser.

“Man, and just who is Popple to tell you off like that?” Goombella went on, her voice carrying that strange attentiveness. Toadette hoped she never faked it like that with her. “In front of a dude you’re robbing, too? Like, hello!? Embarrassing much?!”

“Oh yeah! And get this…” Croco continued, completely lost in her storm of gossip. At least Toadette knew she should be fairly safe. For now. She’d have to act fast. Gossip only stayed interesting for so long.

Three pairs of eyes gazed out of a doorway at Toadette’s sneaking form. Each eyeing a different part of her. One on her badge, one on her pigtails, and one on her Fire Flower. Goomba triplets. They were tiny, even for Goombas. Their age couldn’t even be in double digits yet.

“Heya, lady!” One called out. “Hey, are you here to get that stupid gator guy?” Another said. “He’s a jerk, I hate him! He kept saying to call ‘Uncle Bowser!’” The third whined. “We don’t know him! Our daddy did, but he’s gone! Monster Mama said he’s working for Uncle Bowser.”

If Toadette hadn’t spent so much time with Goombella, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to interact with these little Goomba kids so easily. Being chatty was clearly a Goomba thing, wasn’t it?

“Shhh,” Toadette hushed them softly, nodding along to them. “I am here to get him, but you guys need to be quiet for me, okay? Why don’t you three run along and…” She struggled to think of something. “Play pretend shop or something?”

“But lady!” The third little Goomba whined. “We got nothin’ to sell!” The first one explained. The second one was happy just looking upset and giving Toadette big puppy-dog eyes.

Gah, she didn’t have time for this. Toadette was no good with kids! She had to think fast. She swung her head around, looking for anything in his dingy little building, her pigtails slapping her in the face at the motion. Ow! Stupid things!

…. Oh! Wait!

“Here, sell some mushrooms!” Toadette whispered, undoing the pink mushrooms at the end of her pigtails. Her braids fell apart, pink hair falling at her back, but she saw the way the kids’ eyes lit up and knew she had made the right decision.

“Gee, thanks, lady!” The Goomba triplets said in unison, catching the pink mushrooms in their fangs with ease. Smiles on their faces, they scampered into another room, calling out some other kids to come look at the new stock they got in their store. At least maybe the others wouldn’t be too scared.

Finally, she could make her way up the stairs unhindered. Each stair creaked awfully, but Goombella appeared to have Croco in her chatty clutches.

“So, I says to him, I says…”

“No way! He said that?”

“He did! Like, I get that he takes thieving seriously, but I gots feelings too!”

His voice became clearer and clearer, and Toadette knew she had found the right room. She’d need to end this quickly. Breathing deep, she clutched the doorknob, and swung it open, shouting in her most police-y voice, “Freeze! Claws where I can see ‘em, Croco!”

“Nyeh?!” Croco grunted, cigar falling out of his fangs and onto his crocs. “Yow! W-what’s the big idea!?” He stuttered, staring into the emotionless eyes of a burning Fire Flower. “Y-yous dumb broads! You tricked me! That ain’t fair!”

The old Toad known as Monster Mama quickly scrambled out the doorway past Toadette, whispering her thanks along the way. She’d keep the kids safe. Now it was just him and her here in what looked to be the orphans sleeping quarters.

“Sorry!” Toadette grinned, loving the power that came from a situation like this. “Let’s make this nice and easy, okay?”

“Oh nice!” Croco growled, gritting his fangs together so hard that sparks flew out. “Real nice! Pretend to be my friend, eh? Knew I shouldn’ta trusted nobody but good ol’ Popple! Well, well, tell you what, kid!”

“Stop talking!” Toadette commanded, her hand tensing over the stem. “I told you, put your claws up!”

“Sure, sure,” Croco conceded, lowering his sack of presumably stolen goods to the floor. “I just need to find a way to pay ya back, see?”

“Enough!” Toadette growled, eyeing the wall behind him. “Claws up, now, or I shoot!”

A snarl. A flash of fangs and white. His claws were out and lusting for her neck. “Pay ya back in spades, kid!” He spat, saliva dribbling wildly down his snout as he lunged.

He was quick, but Toadette was quicker. She fired her shot. It missed him.

“Ha, dumb broad!” Croco laughed manically, clearly forgetting the bouncy nature of these fireballs.

Before he could reach her, the flaming ball bounced harmlessly against the wall and back at him, engulfing his tail in hot red. The thug toppled down before her, legs a blur as he ran circles, smoke trailing behind like he was trying to send out a smoke signal. If anyone could read it, it’d probably say, ‘Help, my tail is on fire.’

“Yeowch, my tail’s on fire!” Croco translated helpfully, chasing after his own tail like a dog. Still, even now, he thrashed about, sack and all, pushing Toadette into the center of the bed filled room. She waited till he calmed down, finally having caught his flaming tail, sucking on the thing with tears in his eyes.

“Give up yet?” Toadette huffed, clutching her Fire Flower confidently. “Or should I turn up the heat?” Oh, that sounded cool. She wished Goombella heard that.

“Grrr! You’re a filthy cheat!” Croco hissed. “Well, I can cheat too, see?!” In an impossibly quick motion, he reached into his sack and pulled out a tiny bomb, shaped like a bob-omb. Cute. “Bombs! Never leave home without ‘em.” His fangs splayed wide in a terrifying smile. “Try settin’ me on fire again, dumb broad! See what happens! Blow us all to smithereens!”

Toadette flinched, still keeping the Fire Flower’s gaze at the smug crook. “You’re out of your mind!”

“I’m a bettin’ gator!” Croco growled, eyes glowing wildly in the doorway. “And I bet you can’t do it! Sure, you’ll get me, but you’ll be blowin’ up all the kids too! Boo hoo, ain’t that sad!?”

Her mind was a torrent, her hands were shaking. She had nowhere to run here in the middle of the room. She had no time to think. She messed up. Bad.

“That’s right,” Croco said, his voice low. “That’s what I thought, toots. Now, yous is gonna drop that Fire Flower, real slow, see? And when yous do that, I’m gonna cut ya up into mushroom stew! And then I’m gonna-”

Bonk!

Huh!? Bonk!?

Croco’s body fell to the ground like a pile of fake crocodile-skin wallets, his tongue lolling out of his snout. Goombella landed next to him with a stylish flourish and a wink, her head only slightly bruised where as his was already growing a massive red bump.

“What a sleazebag!” Goombella huffed, looking over his unconscious head. Coins danced around him instead of dazed Power Stars. “God! I’m so glad I got to slug him after talking to him so long! Yuck! Next time, Toadette, you do the talking, and let me do the action stuff.”

“Oh, Goombella!” Toadette cried, running forward and hugging the blonde girl tight. “You saved me! Thank you so much!”

“W-what’s with you?” Goombella’s voice was muffled in their embrace. “I thought that was your plan! Get him in the doorway so I could sneak up and bonk him, y’know?”

Toadette shook her head, smiling so hard it hurt. She kept squeezing Goombella in her arms like she was a big soft plushie. “Nope! I didn’t mean to do that at all!”

“Ohmigosh, you ditz!” She laughed, now finally accepting the hug more. Toadette’s pink hair fell onto hers making them a big mess of sweat, tangled hair, and maybe some tears. But that’s okay. Goombella wouldn’t tattle that part. It was tough to let go, but Toadette decided it’d probably be good to let Goombella breathe.

Her cuffs made a satisfying clink! as Toadette snapped them over Croco’s limp wrists. Just in case.

“Peach is gonna flip when she sees you nabbed Croco!” Goombella cooed, gathering up his body onto her head, carrying him out of the orphanage with ease.

“When she sees we nabbed, Croco!” Toadette corrected, opening the car door and stuffing him in like a bunch of old socks and sandals into a closet. “I couldn’t have done it without you!”

“Aw, she’ll never believe I did anything.”

“I’ll make her believe it if I have to!”

Goombella looked down at her feet. “You totally don’t have to do that.”

“I don’t, but I want to.” Toadette nodded, her hair feeling weird against her neck. Maybe Goombella’d help her braid it back to normal again after.

She turned to the dumbfounded Ted N. Toad, who looked like a bazooka had gone off right in his face. “Take care of this for us, will ya, Ted?”

“U-uhm! Y-yes ma’am! I’ll, um! Get statements and clean up and let everyone know we’re good here!”

“Thanks.”

When they got back into their car, Goombella grinned towards Toadette. “I totally heard your corny line, by the way. About ‘turning up the heat.’” She giggled. “That was GREAT.”

“Oh my gosh, don’t tease me!” Toadette whined playfully. “It sounded cool in my head!”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say, girl!” Goombella laughed as their car pulled back out into the bustling streets of New Donk City. Just like always, the neon lights greeted her with their alluring twinkling. “But after this, we so gotta go shopping, okay?!”

“Aw, c’mon! I gotta be up early to meet my brother for breakfast! How about tomorrow night?”

“Okay, okay, fine!” Goombella agreed happily.

It wasn’t long before their conversations returned, talking about this and that, and what tomorrow might bring them. Toadette was glad she had such a good partner, glad she had someone to share these lonely drives with. Maybe she’d miss their shopping spree or whatever, but there was always tomorrow. Goombella and this city would always be there waiting for her tomorrow.

[whimsicaldragonette]

The Paper Magician one-shots

So I just read The Paper Magician trilogy and fell in love with Ceony and Emery and was horrified to discover there’s like, no fanfiction about them? How? Anyway, this is my attempt at remedying that. Currently just a one-shot, but will probably become a series of one-shots.

links: AO3, ff.net, wattpad

full text under the read more

“Emery?”

“Hmmm?”

“Where are we going?”

He turned to look at me, a slight frown wrinkling his forehead. “The annual Magician’s Ball. You know that.”

“Yes I know, but…” My words died as we walked through the doors to the banquet hall — or what I was used to thinking of as the banquet hall. The room had been transformed into a nighttime wonderland. I gasped in delight as a lacy paper butterfly fluttered down to investigate my hair, then winged away into the air trailing a shower of glitter behind it.

I turned to Emery, accusation in my tone. “That’s what you’ve been up to late at night these past weeks.”

He shrugged, eyes smiling at me. “Yes.” He stuck his hands into his pockets, ducking slightly as he jerked his chin toward the far wall, where Mg. Aviosky stood with a few other magicians. “I’ll be over there with the other aged.”

I frowned, reaching for his arm, but I let my hand drop. We were in public, after all — we couldn’t be too familiar. We still hadn’t talked about what had happened in the weeks leading up to the events of the past months — that kiss! — And I knew this wasn’t the time or place.

“What am I supposed to do?” I asked crossly.

His eyes crinkled around the edges. “Have fun. Dance. Do whatever young people do.”

I snorted. “You’re hardly old enough to call me a young person.”

“Hmm,” he said, noncommital. His eyes shuttered, leaving me no hints as to what he was thinking. “I’ll see you later, Ceony.”

Then he strode off, and I was left alone. What did young people do at parties? I hadn’t been to many at Tagis Praff — too busy finishing my coursework in a year — and after Delilah… Well, I didn’t really have anyone that I would call a friend.

I glanced around, looking for someone I recognized. Presumably my former classmates were here too, some of them. After a few moments, I thought I recognized a few of them in the opposite corner. Giving my shoulders a shake and plastering a smile on my lips, I headed toward them.

“Ceony Twill!” Someone exclaimed. I turned to face him, searching my memory.

“Brett,” I recalled after a few seconds. “I’m afraid I don’t recall your last name.”

He scratched the back of his neck and grinned at me. “That’s all right. You got my first name, at any rate. So how are…” He waved his hand in the air. “You know. Magic things.”

I grinned back. “Magic things? Really? I’m a Folder, how about you?”

“Smelter,” he said promptly, then his face fell. “You wanted to be one too didn’t you. Sorry you got stuck with Folding.”

I bristled at the contempt in his tone. “Folding is actually better than I expected. I like it very much.”

He peered doubtfully at me. “You’re sure you’re Ceony?”

I punched him on the arm. “So what have you been up to? How’s Smelting?”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, it’s brilliant. Better even than I expected. And Mg. Coulter is awesome.” He stopped, looking slightly embarassed. “Sorry. I tend to go on about smelting when asked. Have you tried the cake?”

“There’s cake?” I grinned. “Why didn’t you say so?”

Laughing, he took my elbow and steered me toward the tables set up at the opposite end of the room, near where Emery stood. Brett’s hand was warm, but he held my elbow too tightly for it to be comfortable. I glanced over at Emery, who was looking pointedly at where Brett’s hand rested on my elbow. His expression was pinched. As soon as we reached the table, I reached for the cake, forcing Brett to remove his hand.

As I reached for the pitcher of punch, I felt the familiar press of a warm hand on my upper back. I leaned into it, reveling in its steady warmth as Emery bent close to me.

“I wouldn’t,” he murmured, breath tickling my ear. “Someone spiked it earlier.”

I raised an eyebrow, turning so I could see his face. “And you didn’t say anything?”

He shrugged. “Patrice may have badgered me into being a chaperone, but I’m not going to ruin everyone’s fun. Except yours,” he added, eyes crinkling in amusement.

I smacked him on the arm. “Fine. Has anyone tampered with the water?”

He shrugged. “Not that I’ve noticed. I think you’re safe there.”

I nodded and poured myself a glass, then turned back to Brett, who was staring at us, eyebrows drawn down in suspicion. I realized suddenly how close Emery was standing, and cleared my throat, stepping away from him, already missing the warmth of his hand.

“Thanks for the warning, Mg. Thane,” I said, then turned and headed toward the doors that led into the courtyard.

Brett followed me out, still frowning to himself.

“So,” I said, as we settled against a wall to the left of the doors, “tell me about Smelting.”

His eyes lit up again and the suspicion faded from his face. I sighed with relief, and settled in to listen. I really was interested in what he’d been learning, even though I wasn’t upset at being forced to study folding anymore, and Brett had plenty to talk about.

Once I finished my cake — which was excellent — I turned to set the plate on the low wall behind us. When I turned back, Brett was right in front of me. I jumped.

“Oh,” I said, staring wide-eyed up at him, “what—“

Instead of answering, Brett pressed me against the wall and kissed me.

I froze in shock, then started writhing. “Get off me!” I hissed.

“You seemed to like it when Mg. Thane got close to you,” Brett said, an edge to his voice. “I just want the same thing you give him.”

I struggled, trying to get a solid kick in, but his grip was like iron. “I don’t know what you mean,” I gasped out.

He laughed harshly. “You’re obviously easy. So stop protesting and let me show you a good time.”

I thrashed harder, but he shoved his knee between my legs and moved one hand roughly to my breast and one to cover my mouth.

I bit his hand, and he swore, shoving me back against the wall so hard my vision greyed around the edges.

Suddenly, a fist came flying out of nowhere and collided with the side of Brett’s head with a solid thunk. His eyes rolled up in his head, and he slumped to the ground.

Emery shook out his hand, wincing, then turned to gather me into his arms. “Ceony,” he said softly, “are you all right? Did he hurt you?”

I shook my head, then struggled to gather my thoughts enough to speak. “He said…” I stopped to gulp in a breath of air, trying to clear the spots from my vision. “He said I was obviously easy — that he just wanted what I give you.” I was still struggling to wrap my mind around it all.

Emery swore, pulling me roughly against him. “Oh, Ceony,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry.”

“I turned to face him, incredulous. “Emery… This wasn’t your fault.”

“It was,” he said. His eyes were shuttered again, impossible for me to read. “If I’d been able to keep my distance from you, at least in public, then—“

“Shhh.” I put my finger over his lips, feeling tingles rush through me at their softness. “It wasn’t your fault. He’s just a brute.”

Emery kissed the tip of my finger, then pulled me close to him. The music filtered through the open doorway, and a warm breeze caressed my cheeks, cooling the flush that was there.

“Emery…” I began.

“Hmmm?” he said, as he started to sway from side to side.

He opened his eyes, vivid green pools that drew me in. “Dance with me, Ceony,” he breathed.

He stepped over Brett’s prone form, pulling me deeper into the shadows in the courtyard. Then he wrapped his arms around me again and pulled me into a slow waltz.

I let him guide me, laying my head on his shoulder and feeling the solid warmth of him, the reassuring beat of his heart. We stayed like that for several minutes.

“Ceony,” he said, lips warm on my neck, we should probably go back in.”

“Probably,” I agreed. I glanced over at where Brett still lay unconscious. “I suppose we’d best tell someone about…” I trailed off. What could we tell them?

He nodded. “I’ll tell Patrice he attacked you. There’s no need to repeat what he said.” He sighed softly. “Then maybe we can go home?”

His voice was hopeful, and it brought a light chuckle to my lips. “Yes, Emery. We can go home. I think I enjoy balls about as much as you do — which is to say, not very much.”

“Hmmm,” he agreed, pressing a light kiss to my neck and then reluctantly pulling away to a respectable distance. He didn’t let go of my hand until we reached the door of the ballroom.

Mg. Aviosky frowned at us as we made our way over to her, and her frown deepened with each of Emery’s words.

“Very well,” she finally said. “I’ll deal with Mr. Faris. You may take Miss Twill back to her room to recover.”

As the carriage rumbled toward the cottage, Emery put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. “Oh, Ceony,” he said softly, burying his face in my hair, “whatever will I do with you?”

“Do I have to go to bed, then?” I asked once we were inside the cottage, looking reluctantly toward my bedroom. I just knew I was going to have nightmares.

“Of course not,” Emery said softly. He steered me gently toward the couch. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll fetch you something to drink.”

He came back after a few minutes with a steaming cup of chocolate and a book. “Here,” He said settling beside me and wrapping his arm around me again, “how about I read to you.”

I groaned. “Is this going to be some boring Folding treatise?”

He chuckled. “No. I thought Miss Austen might be more agreeable.” He cleared his throat and began. “It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”

I smiled, letting the familiar words wash over me as I sipped my chocolate and let myself melt against Emery’s side. Neither of us had enjoyed the ball very much, but a quiet night at the cottage was the perfect way to push Brett’s attack out of my mind.

Emery plucked the cup from my hand as it started to droop, pulling me against his chest. I let the familiar sound of his heartbeat sooth me as I felt myself drifting toward sleep.

Just before I tipped over the edge, I felt his lips in my hair as he whispered, "goodnight, love."

I fell asleep with a smile on my face and for once, no fear of nightmares.

[tatooedlaura-blog]

Advice

the series read as follows:

Superman … Monday … Cheezy Pouffs … Bacon … Stumbling … Trail Mix …  Punch … Friday … Preparation … Uncle Mudler … Normal … Backseat … Mudler-sense … The FBI … Unthinkable … Patience … Elephant Jokes … Cooking … Rickety Tables … Mr. Skimmer … Bert and Ernie … Midnight Confessions … The Moon … Bright Sunshine … Graying Skies … Darkened Night … Possibilities … A Thing with You … Humming and Thrumming … Warped Cosmology ... The Madness of Punch

@today-in-fic

____________

Leaning, she let her heavy head loll forward onto her crossed arms, looking sideways at Maggie through wide-open eyes, “it’s taken me so long to get used to the idea of not having kids that I can’t let myself dwell on any type of ‘what-if’ and one night, I was stupid and let him and he pulled me in and I went blindly and willingly.” Growling into the tabletop, “it was just after everything, the day he kicked you out,” seeing Maggie nod, “and I had to autopsy three kids that day and the conversation snowballed and we were there … we were in that damn fantasy and I didn’t stop him fast enough and I lost it completely.”

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“What’s worse is he offered to pay for trying invitro and it’s all I can do to not think about it all day, every damn day.”

Maggie, not-so-famous Scully face scrunch of hard and fast thinking parking itself on her countenance for several long seconds, placed a hand on her daughter’s back and curving the other arm to the table, settled her own head down to look Scully in the eye, “then why don’t you do it?”

Those were the last six words she’d been expecting to hear, “what?”

“Why don’t you try it? Talk about it with Fox and then give it a chance.” She knew her child better than her child ever dreamed, “I think you have to.”

Whispering now, “what if it doesn’t work?”

“Then it doesn’t work. You know why this has been constantly on your mind? Because you want it to work and the only comfort you get is knowing it’s still a possibility out there in the universe. If you try and it fails, you don’t have that option. The problem is, it’s also your agony because you are scared that it will fail.” Hushing Scully just as she took a breath to protest, “remember, if you do it and it fails, you will have at least tried. You won’t have that ‘what-if’ as you called it to die over. You will be able to tell yourself you did everything you could and it wasn’t meant to be instead of ‘I can’t try it because it might not work’. ‘Might not’ and ‘what-if’ will damage you far more than anything else.”

Another hard sniff later, “I’ve had too much alcohol for this conversation.”

“Betty cut the recipe in half, you only had half a glass, you still have half of that half left and you filled the cup full of ice … you are more sober than I am and I could dance the tango on these crutches if necessary without missing a beat so no, you have not had too much alcohol for this conversation.” Thumbing towards the snoring Mulder, “he probably hasn’t either but he had a damn sight more than you.”

“Are you saying I should go in there and wake him up and tell him to get out his checkbook, we’re going to try to make a baby?”

Accepting the bluntness with the lateness of the hour, she nodded, “good in theory but probably best executed after he’s slept longer than 20 minutes and Betty’s concoction is fully out of his system.”

The world shifted upright again, balance achieved with motherly banter. Smiling, Scully sat back up, “are you tired?”

“Not really.”

“Would you like to go out and get another milkshake with me?”

Midnight ice cream solved all kinds of things and when it didn’t, it soothed the savage truth enough to let all parties concerned relax into quiet.

“New traditions are good so, yes, I would love to go for a milkshake with you.”

&&&&&&&&&&

Scully crawled in beside Mulder a little after 3am, milkshake turning into random talk of the universe with the owner of the all-night diner two neighborhoods over. Settling her head beside his, she kissed his cheek, breathing a hope to the night, her words of ‘I want to have a baby with you’ drifting via unconscious ear into the soul, a small smile creasing his face as he whispered a fast-asleep ‘I love you’ back.

5am, right on the nose, just as Scully was cruising to decent, deep sleep, eyeballs roaming as they surveyed her dreams, REM cycles rejuvenating body, mind, soul, tired limbs, scratchy throat, tensed muscles, he woke up.

And her with him, hands on arm, shaking her gently, “Scully … Scully … get up …”

Crackling a harsh groan into her pillow, she ignored him as best she could, turning her head, pushing her hand fruitlessly against him, squeezing her eyes shut tighter, desperate to return to dreamland right freaking now.

“Did you say last night that you wanted to have a kid with me?”

Seriously, how the hell did he do that? It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last that it took him two hours to two days to process something she said but right now, she wished he would be quiet and not too polite to tell him that, she followed up her ‘maybe’ with ‘now shut your eyes and go back to sleep before I smother you with a pillow’.

Whatever, he could take on a morning sleep-deprived Scully with hands tied behind his back and mouth full of crunchy peanut butter. Scooting closer, he lowered his voice, gentle movements and humming words in her ear, “wanna start right now?”

Okay, that got her, a surprise chuckle eliminating any hope of sleep for the moment, “I’d like to brush my teeth first, if that’s okay? Maybe not be in my mother’s house while she’s once again mobile and probably 12 feet away in the kitchen making breakfast as we speak.”

Smacking his lips together and tasting stale blue punch, “I agree on the whole teeth thing and raise you a glass of mouthwash. Why does Punch leave an aftertaste of dead cat and rotting tuna fish but taste so good going down?”

“I imagine if Betty ever told you, she’d then have to kill you and I’d prefer you not dead and all.”

Mulder dragged himself upright, then, discretely shifting jeans, shirt and scratching his head a few times before scrubbing his face awake, “you really did say that though, right? About having a baby?”

Stretching across the mattress, cat-like in her mewling sounds as she twisted joints and over-extended muscles to mush, “I heard your pie talk last night as did everyone else and you told them about how you were going to teach our daughter to cook.” Plowing through, even as she watched his face speed through several emotions, landing on nervously worried, sadly scared, “I thought too much, let that fucking one tear happen and mom saw it and we talked and she set me straight about a few things and yes, I really did say it and yes, I’m serious.”

“There was an inordinate amount of ‘ands’ in that sentence and how early can you call the doctor?”

Scully shut her eyes again, hand to her forehead, “can we maybe wait until the sun comes up, when doctors typically allow people to call them?”

Mulder, having had no idea it was seriously now only 5:10am, moved to sheepish and apologetic, “shit, I’m sorry. It feels later and so much has happened since we woke up, I lost track of time.”

Patting the mattress beside her, “would you just come back and lay down, please? I don’t think I’m going to fall back to sleep but let’s pretend, all right? Hide in the world of normal for awhile?”

He grinned, he flopped, he stared, first at her then when she swatted him, at the wall behind her head, “no more drinking. My boys need to be primed and sober and know which way to swim in the petri-dish. You’ll probably have to get the polyps taken care of before we do anything though ‘cause if it works, you probably shouldn’t be bleeding everywhere … although the sex won’t be as ‘vigorous’, can you hear the quotes, you still shouldn’t be bleeding everywhere regardless. Anesthetic isn’t good for a baby anyways so yeah, you’ll have to get that done first. I wonder what else I can do to give us better odds? Should I eat more kale or something, green things, spinach is healthy, right? I mean, it’s disgusting but I’ll eat it if it’ll …”

She shut him down with a hand over his mouth, muffling whatever inane sentences were to follow, “shhh. Just … shhhh, for now, okay? Can you promise to shhh because if you can’t, I’m going to kick you out and lock the door.”

The ‘yes, dear’ rang through her closed fingers and he went stealth, shutting his eyes and dreaming of alternate time-lined futures that may finally become reality while he listened to her breathing even out, her heartbeat under his fingers slowing as she slept.

[spnsimpleman]

Accepting dark and finding light

Fourth and final part.

Part One: In between the lines  Part Two: Easy lies and simple truth  Part Three: The puzzles we create

The Light by Sara Bareilles 

Dean x Reader    

Word Count: 7k

A/N: Lines borrowed from Season 11 episode “Alpha and Omega” are in Bold.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t want… Bye, y/n.”

There was a bird in a nearby tree chirping incessantly. You never shot a bird before but if you had a gun on you right now, you just might. From the moment you first heard Dean’s voice, the anguish that crossed that line and swept through you like a brush fire, had canceled everything else out. You were no longer at an outdoor table for a small cafe on Massachusetts street, you were trying to get into the head of the man that you had decided only a week ago you didn’t need a lover’s connection with, that you could handle just being friends. But now, after desperately trying to get an answer out of him and receiving a declaration of a different kind that stopped your heart, the world continued to spin.

Sounds of life filtered in; soft chatter from the next table, quiet whispers from the three people you were sitting with when your phone rang, that god damn bird continued to sing like it was a beautiful day while you clutched a cell phone to your face that no longer held the voice that just sent you soaring into the clouds then plummeting back down to earth.

Three pairs of eyes stared at you when his name broke your lips, “dean.” It burned your throat, your eyes, your lungs and then somehow you screamed, “Dean?!”

You pulled the phone away and stared at the screen. Dean’s number was still there, the minutes of his last phone call dictated in white on black. His last phone call. You hit callback already knowing it wouldn’t work. It barely rang before the voicemail kicked on and you wanted to break something.

“Y/n?” Elly touched your arm gently but you still jumped. “Is everything okay?”

You studied her face, saw the real concern that pulled at her brow even though she hadn’t noticed how completely bored you were during most of the double lunch date going on before your world collapsed. You glanced at Kevin and Steve who both looked genuinely concerned but you didn’t have time for this. You needed to find Dean.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” You squeezed her hand and grabbed your bag next to your chair, “how much do I…”

Steve grasped your hand and smiled when you looked up at him, “I’ve got it. You look like you have somewhere to be.”

You stared into his eyes for a second still amazed at the good person that met your gaze then squeezed his hand, “thank you. I’m sorry.” You stood up throwing the strap of your satchel over your shoulder as Dean’s apology echoed in your head.

“Do you need anything? Company? Are you sure you’re okay?” Elly still looked confused and scared now too.

You hugged her tightly, “thank you but I need to do this on my own. I’ll call you later.” You pulled back and gave her a smile before you took off down the sidewalk heading for the library only a few blocks down and around the corner. You tried Sam’s number and Cas multiple times on the way but both went straight to voicemail.

The bad feeling from this morning that had settled heavy in your chest ever since seeing the sun was now rearing its ugly head. Everyone was talking about it; the weather people and media were going on about what could have caused it, arguing whether the sun was dying, climate change, and other noise but you knew they weren’t going to figure it out. You had even rolled your eyes at the people panicking that this was their last day on earth. It was something beyond their scope and after the boys defeated it, they would come up with some explanation that tied it up nicely as some natural cosmic event never knowing the true story or caring and most of the panicking ones would go right back to doing all the same things.

The darkness had been your first thought but you were sure Dean or Sam would’ve called if it had gotten that bad. You’d been checking your phone all morning waiting for something maybe even asking if you knew anything if they were scrambling. You had been debating with yourself for an hour about texting them when Elly had invited you to a late lunch. You jumped at the chance just for a distraction before you went crazy. When you saw Kevin and Steve there you weren’t thrilled but it was a lot better than just Kevin being there. They really were nice people but the conversation could get boring and tedious trying to keep up with Kevin’s topic of the day or week.

Dean’s voice was ringing in your head as you pulled open the Library door and rushed inside. I needed you to know it was never just you. You tried to keep from outright running to the computers as the defeated tone in his voice, the regret that seeped from every word filled you, vibrating along your nerves. Scared of what could happen to you.  

The librarian on duty in that section stared at you and you slowed just so she wouldn’t kick you out if that was even something a library did. You needed to know before… You jumped on the last computer in the back and quickly navigated out of the normal search page and onto the internet as you forced deep, shaky breaths trying to focus on what you had to do.

It only took a few minutes and you were logging on to the FBI database with the credentials Charlie had given you that still seemed to work. “Dumbasses.”

I’m shit at this. You typed Dean’s number into cell phone triangulation and bit down on your bottom lip. I love you. You are family and I couldn’t watch you get hurt, I couldn't… Each word bounced around your skull and pierced your chest, puncturing your heart and lungs as you watched the stupid little circle turn and blur. “Come on, come on.”

I couldn’t keep pretending that I didn’t notice those looks, the ones you kept getting before that night. The tracker finally pinged and the map popped up with a pin on Lawrence, Kansas. You blinked then checked the number making sure you hadn’t typed yours in because of the way your brain was ripping down the middle. He was here just outside of Lawrence. “What the fuck are they doing here?”

“Shhh!”

You glanced up and waved at the older woman across the room with a few books in her hand glaring at you like you’d broken her fine china.

You zoomed in on the map and saw the cemetery. “Mary?” You whispered as you closed out of the page and stood up. I was terrified this would happen.

Sonofafuck! The cemetery was about five minutes from your apartment but it would take five minutes at least to get to your apartment from here on foot. You took off for the door, not giving a damn about the noise or anything else the woman could throw at you because it couldn’t be worse than what had already happened. 

It wasn’t one sided. I would take every single outburst you had to give, feminine or otherwise, and still would’ve loved you.

You were at a full out run when you passed the park, dashing by people staring without a care for how you must look. You were too busy scolding yourself for things that couldn’t be foreseen but that never stopped you before. Why hadn’t you drove to the stupid lunch? You felt something wrong all day why wouldn’t you just keep an escape route handy? That was always your way, why had you let that change? Just for a peaceful walk by the park and people who didn’t give a damn that the man you love was doing something stupid as all hell! I love you but I couldn’t put you through this.

Your chest was on fire and your heart was in your throat by the time you made it to your street and spotted your car in its proper place. There was a small fear in the back of your mind that something would’ve happened to block you from getting to them. The universe somehow intervening and keeping you away but you had only yourself to blame for this one, the universe was only a spectator. You already had two backup plans in your head because you weren’t going to be caught off guard again, at least not by your own doing. Not today.

I love you but I couldn’t put you through this. You slowed but still smacked into the car with your eyes down and your hands in your bag searching blindly for your keys. Your hands were shaking so bad it took a few tries to actually get your key into the lock then you ripped the door open and threw yourself inside. The car roared to life and you reversed out of the spot only to slam on the brakes because of the horn blaring behind you. “Sonofabitch! Go!”

The car moved on, the driver throwing their hand up with a look of scorn through their window. You pulled out with wheels squealing then took off down the street heading out of town. You were vaguely aware of the fact that a police officer would slow you down but the thought wasn’t making it to the part of your brain that cared. I’m sorry, y/n. I’m sorry. I didn’t want… Bye, y/n.

You were blinking your eyes furiously to keep the tears at bay but his voice just kept beating against your skull. The sound alone skewered so deeply you didn’t think it was possible to ever be rid of the pain. I would take every single outburst you had to give, feminine or otherwise, and still would’ve loved you.

You struggled to breathe and keep your vision clear so you could read the signs and then cursed when you missed the turn. You jerked the wheel to the side not bothering to look and whipped the car around then sped back to the turn making it this time. You were so close now. “I will never forgive you if you don’t give me time. Just let me get there before you do anything stupid. Please.”

You drove through the open gates of the cemetery and knew they had to be at Mary’s grave. Maneuvering around the turns at probably a higher speed than you should be but you had to make it. I’m sorry, y/n. I’m sorry.  

A cry echoed off the windshield when you saw the back of the impala and the group standing beside it. Dean and Sam locked in an embrace just slightly removed. You stomped on the brakes and slammed the gear shift into park before jumping out of the car. Dean and Sam released as everyone turned to look at you but once you were on your feet, you were stuck.

Your legs wouldn’t move and then he finally met your gaze. “Dean.” Your voice was so low, he probably couldn’t even hear you from the short distance but the look on his face broke you. Not only resigned but there was something else, like the sight of you was the best and worst possible thing at that very moment.

He turned and his gaze shifted away to someone against the impala. “Okay, let’s do this.”

A snap of someone’s fingers and Dean disappeared.

“NO!” Your legs finally responded and you rushed over to the spot where he was just standing turning in a circle unable to quite grasp what happened. It was like a dream and the delay in action had everything twisting into a nightmare.

“Y/n…” Sam watched you, his brow drawn in worry, his watery eyes still filled with pain you didn’t want to see.

Despite the fact that your chest was collapsing in on itself, words spewed from your mouth. “I get this insane phone call and then I can’t get a hold of any of you and find you here! What the fuck, Sam!”  

That damn sad puppy look as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was guilty and from his lack of eye contact that guilt very directly involved you. “It’s a long story.”

“Where is he? And why do you look like you just attended his…” Another sharp pain in the middle of your chest.  “Oh, god.” You tried to shake away the truth staring you in the face, “tell me…”

“Oh, this should be good.” You spun around toward Crowley’s amused voice and he leaned back against the impala with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Shut it,” Cas snapped. You looked at him feeling just as betrayed. The guilty look on his face only reinforced the idea and you clenched your jaw.

“He went to save the world.” Sam’s soft voice was directly behind you now and you turned to him, still feeling hurt the most by his silence but he was the only one who truly understood. His eyes told you everything you needed to know; you were not the only one imploding.

“I’m sorry,” another weak voice. You turned slowly this time, your head throbbing so bad you weren’t sure you were even hearing anything right. Rowena was strangely holding up the man you knew as Carver Edlund but the boys always referred to him as Chuck.

“Chuck? The prophet writer? What are you doing here?”

“God, actually,” Sam added.

“What?”

Chuck smiled but it was more like a grimace. “Sam’s right, it is a long story.”

“Why don’t we get a drink?” Crowley was far too peppy for you right now.

You could throw yourself at him and release some of the anger and frustration buzzing through your muscles. You balled your hands into fists but kept yourself contained for the moment. You growled, “what’s going on? I need to talk to Dean! NOW”

“I’m afraid that’s not going to happen, dear.” Rowena actually conveyed remorse when you met her gaze.

“Why? Someone better tell me what the fuck is going on!”

Sam’s hand squeezed your shoulder, “he went to take out Amara, she’s God’s sister and she… he’s dying and the sun is dying because of it. Dean’s the only one who c…”

“He’s a suicide bomber.” Crowley spit out and everyone looked at him. He shrugged, “what? She’s a big girl. No need to mince words. Drinks? At least we can give her the sordid details somewhere a bit more pleasant.”

Your blood was boiling as you glared at Crowley. “I’m not going…”

~~

Sam threw his arms out and caught Y/n before she crumpled to the ground. “What the fuck, Crowley!” Sam threw a glare at the demon who only shrugged again.

“We all know she wasn’t going to stop.” He opened the back door of the impala and climbed inside.

Sam lifted her and carried her over to the car. Rowena gave him a small smile before helping Chuck inside the back seat. Cas opened the driver side door then climbed inside to help Sam slide her to the middle of the front seat and sat her up between them. Cas shared a glance with Sam as he started the car but they didn’t say a word.

Sam looked in the rearview mirror, “what about her car?” It seemed silly, the world could possibly end and he was worried about her car sitting in a cemetery. A finger snap from the backseat. He looked at Chuck and her car was no longer behind them.

“Back at the bunker.” Chuck smiled but it was tinged with something Sam couldn’t quite put his finger on. The closest he could think was sadness but that had been his countenance since his sister switched on the doomsday clock.

Sam turned forward and put baby in gear before slowly driving away from his mother’s grave with the painful thought in his head of coming back to spread his brother’s ashes if the world didn’t actually end today. He glanced at y/n beside him knowing if the world was saved, it still broke for two people. He thought there would be more comfort in that but there wasn’t.

Crowley gave directions from the backseat and Sam drove mindlessly already trying to compartmentalize what he would probably have to deal with in the coming days because his brother always got the job done. Memories of his younger self waiting and worrying in some crappy motel room wondering if that would be the time they never came back, if that would be the day he’d have to do everything on his own, the day he truly was alone.

They hit a bump and y/n fell against his side. He looked down at her face that even in sleep was taut, her jaw clenched, and her brow drawn together. He wouldn’t be alone this time but that didn’t seem to help right now. He just felt more guilty that she never even got the chance to say goodbye, to give her own input, or tell him all the things he knew she kept inside.

He pulled into the empty lot in front of a bar and parked. The doors creaked open and they all got out except for Sam and Y/n.

“Sam, do you want…” Sam turned to Cas who had leaned back in and glanced at Y/n.

“No, thanks. Just give us a few minutes, okay?” Cas nodded then pressed his fingers to her forehead. He slid across the seat and shut the door as she groaned and touched her forehead.

Sam watched her come around trying to figure out what to tell her then settled on the truth. She deserved nothing less. She sat up and looked around then her wide gaze met his, still lost and another pang of guilt wracked through him as the hope drained from her face. He knew who she thought she would see. He knew that feeling of waking up from a nightmare to find it was all still real.

He swallowed the lump in his throat then told her the condensed version of the soul bomb Dean had become to stop the end of the world. “He was the only one who could get close enough.” He tried a sympathetic smile, it was pathetic. Far too little and far too late but he just didn’t know what to say to make it better. The truth cracked in his mind and pressed against his chest; nothing ever could. “I’m sorry we didn’t…”

“God is taking the backseat and sent Dean in to blow up his sister?” The sound of her voice had changed, the panic and fear replaced by something he hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Y/n.” He reached for her arm but she was already across the seat pushing open the door. “You need to breathe with me.” She slammed the door shut and bolted for the front door of the bar. “Shit!” Sam scrambled out of the car hoping he could calm her down if only he could catch her.

~~

There was a time after your parents’ death when the only thing you could see was red. You had never been so angry in your entire life. It scared you at first but fear was exhausting and the anger fueled you, kept you waking up in the morning and getting out of bed. It had taken a lot of time and practice to control it, to learn to get past it so the rest of your life wasn’t riding on a high that you couldn’t always control.

You hadn’t been in that kind of state for years but it had taken full control now. You tore the door open ignoring Sam’s voice as you stormed inside. You scanned the room before you found Chuck slumped in a seat leaning on a table. “HOW COULD YOU! YOU SELFISH COWARD!”

Cas stepped in front of you with his hands up, “y/n, I know this is difficult but Dean…”

You punched him hard in the chest. He hadn’t seen it coming and fell back a step staring wide-eyed at you. “DIFFICULT?” You shouted in his face. You reeled it in but the steel never left your veins or your voice. “No, difficult was dealing with my parent’s affairs after they were killed, difficult was attending their funeral, difficult was learning monsters lived among us and only a select few knew and were willing to fight them. It was difficult being an eighteen-year-old who was supposed to be just starting her life on her own in a completely different context! THAT WAS FUCKING DIFFICULT!”

Cas tried to reach out for you but you thrust your arm up batting his hand away before throwing another punch connecting with his chest again. He expected it this time and didn’t move. “I learned that from my father, to keep unwanted advances away.” You threw a right hook and Cas caught it with his hand. “I learned that just in case they didn’t catch the hint.” Your gaze burned into Cas’s but he wouldn’t back down.

“I know all this. I know you’re… hurt.” The break in Cas’s voice actually cut through the red haze for a single moment.

“Y/n.” Sam’s voice was controlled but the pain was still tainting it, the sound alone a torture device in itself.

You glared at Chuck who had barely moved. He watched you, his face too blank to read. “Do you even feel guilty at all for what you’ve done to us?”

He glanced at Cas and the angel released your fist then took a step to the side. Chuck looked at you and lifted one hand, “what do you want me to do?”

You stalked toward him, “I want you to stand up and fight your own battle. It’s your fucking sister so set it right!” Your vision began to blur but you ignored it. “We’re always fighting everyone else’s battles so much that I never even got to…” You faltered as your throat tightened, “I never got to have what I needed. What you created me to fucking crave!” You smacked your palms against the tabletop and the sting radiated up your arms, “you created this, all of this and now… now you’ve sent him off to fight your battle. To clean up your goddamn mess and I lose one of the last…” Your voice hitched and the sadness that flashed across his face only pissed you off more.

You leaned and choked out, “he’s my family. He loves me. You’re sacrificing my family, the love of my life because you don’t have the balls to face your own sister.” I love you. Your voice fell to a whisper as the tear rushed down your heated cheek, “he loves me.” Your gaze shot back up to his and that look of pity and sorrow still stared back at you. “You sonofabitch!”

He reached across the table and touched your arm, “I’m sorry. I’m dying. This was the only way.”

You shrieked in rage as you threw the table to the side and your right hook connected with his cheek. You grabbed the front of his jacket as he tried to move away. He threw himself to the side and you tightened your grip falling off balance and tumbling with him to the ground. Sam and Cas were shouting but you couldn’t focus on their words.

Chuck’s back slammed against the ground but didn’t weaken him any further. He tried to roll away but you were right there with him. He shoved his palm toward your chest and you smacked it away knowing he would try to knock you out. You pulled your fist back and he rolled again. This time your stomach flipped and you both slammed into a hard wall. You snapped your eyes open and saw the same confusion on Chuck.

“Y/n?” Your breath caught in your throat at Dean’s voice.

You rolled off Chuck and sat up. Dean was standing on a pathway lined with flowers looking stiff and rigid but on his face, you found shock and… relief. The fight drained out of you but you were still able to push up to your feet. “Dean.”

Chuck said something to his sister but you were too busy examining Dean, looking for the signs of the bomb and started walking toward him until you hit a solid invisible wall.

Dean’s face hardened, “Amara, don’t.”

“Y/n?” Something crossed her face and she looked at Dean.

He nodded, “she’s with me.” Then turned his gaze back to you, “or she… was supposed to be before,” he dropped his gaze to the flowers in front of him, “I fucked it up.”

“We both did,” you whispered. His eyes flickered up and he pursed his lips. You tried to walk again but the wall still remained. You pleaded with Amara, “please, if this is the last few minutes of my life, I want it to be by his side.” Your vision blurred as you begged, “please. There are things I need to say. Please.”

Her confusion and something else melted away and she glanced at Dean. There was a pop in your ears. You took a step forward and continued without hindrance. Dean met you halfway and grasped your upper arms, your jacket heating under his palms then he pulled you back toward where he stood.

When he stopped and looked you over, he smoothed his hands down your arms but stopped before the end of your jacket. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest.

“I was in Lawrence, I’ve been there the whole time. I just… how could you think of doing this without…” You closed your eyes as you breathed him in.

He pulled back and his hand came up to your face but stopped before he touched you, hovering there enough to feel the overwhelming heat coming off it. He winced but kept gazing into your eyes. “I’m sorry I was a complete… asshat. I didn’t even get it until you were gone and then I couldn't… I didn’t want to find you. I didn’t even have the guts to get your number until… right before all this and by then, it was too late. This is exactly what I was afraid of and I couldn’t put you through this but… I couldn’t let go without you knowing that it wasn’t just you. It was selfish. I wanted more but I was… I couldn’t… The idea that I could turn you into my dad, that I could put you through that kind of loss.” His hand moved into your hair and combed his fingers through it. “You said once you were glad that your parents went together because you didn’t think they could’ve survived without the other. I didn’t realize how much that stuck with me until I heard someone else say it in a different way after a case.” The tear slid down his cheek as he met your gaze again. You reached up to wipe it away but he pulled back. “I wanted you to live on and find that. To live the life you deserve.”

You stared at him letting your own tears fall as the realization crashed in. “Don’t you get it? Anyone else will only ever be second best compared to you. I know I didn’t say it that night because I was terrified too but I love you, Dean. All of you… from your sometimes terrible manners to that small bit of hope you always seem to carry around even after everything you’ve been through.” You watched him absorb that fact, praying he understood how you saw him, who he truly was to you. He closed his eyes for a second and a few things flashed across his face but you weren’t going to try to guess them even though he looked a little like he was in pain. “Dean,” you waited until he opened his eyes again and met your gaze, “I’ll take this one moment over a lifetime with anyone else.” You reached up and held your hand inches from his cheek desperately wishing to touch him but afraid he’d back further away this time. “I’m staying here and if need be, I’ll trigger the bomb. It’s touching skin, isn’t it?”

He grimaced, “no…” but slowly moved away from your hand.

“Don’t. I can’t keep doing this. I’m so tired.” You sighed, dropping your hand back to his chest. His eyes flicked between both of yours. “I finally figured out exactly what was so exhausting.” You gave him a small smile and another tear raced down your cheek, “I’m tired of running. I’m tired of… all this time trying to be… pretending that I have it all together all the time.” You shrugged, “the normal thing didn’t help because I just can’t do normal all the time either. They’re nice but it’s so boring most of the time. I seriously suck at it and I’m not letting you go again. I won’t. I’m with you whether you like it or not.”

You saw that old light in his eyes, the smile that pulled you in and made everything else less than. “I really want to kiss you right now but I was hoping there’d be another way.”

You studied his face, the smirk that told you he knew something you hadn’t grasped yet. “What do you mean?”

“How do you think you got here?”

“Hell if I know I just got the story out of Sam before I went ballistic and punched Chuck in the face.”

His brow hiked up but his smirk didn’t falter, “you punched God?”

“What? Like it’s hard?” The way he smiled, the light that exuded from his face that so often looked hard and too worried about things out of his control, it was breathtaking.

He wrapped his arm around you pulling you against his chest again. “Fuck, did I miss you.” His lips pressed against the top of your head.

“I’m sorry I left.”

“I’m not.”

“What?” You pulled back to look up at him.

“It made me look at things a little different and some of the other shit we went through.”

There was that look in his eye, a look you had seen so many times and couldn’t figure out but suddenly you read it for what it was. That soaring in the clouds, heartbreaking, pain numbing, and yet debilitating emotion that spun you in circles and sent you running for the hills. It had been staring you in the face for months before you left and now it seemed like you were the one who had been blind from the start.

Suddenly, it got bright and you both squinted and covered your eyes looking up into the sky. You looked over toward Amara and Chuck. Her hand was stretched out almost touching Chuck’s chest and light seeped from her into him. Then she lowered her arm and they were smiling at each other before they turned to you.

“I think we’re just going to go away for a while.”

“Yeah, family meeting I get it.”

You glanced at Dean like he was crazy and looked at Chuck, “no! What about Dean?”

Amara smiled and Chuck walked toward you, “I was getting there.” You moved aside and Chuck pressed his hand to Dean’s chest. You had to close your eyes until you heard Dean’s agonized inhale. “Better?”

Dean looked at you then questioned Chuck, “what about us, about earth?”

“Earth will be fine. It’s got you and Sam…” Chuck looked at you and smiled, “and y/n. I have every confidence in you.” He brushed the back of his fingers over your cheek then rested his hand on your shoulders with a gentle squeeze reminding you so much of your father. “I’m so sorry for everything you went through but some things have to happen for certain roads to cross.” He smiled with such an enigmatic quality. “You see that now, don’t you?

“I’m sorry… about your face.”

He shrugged, “I might’ve deserved that.” Then he turned and walked back to his sister’s side.

Dean took your hand with a slight hesitation. You looked up at him staring down at your hand like he was afraid something might still explode then you chuckled. He met your gaze and intertwined your fingers.

“Dean. You gave me what I needed most.” You looked over at Amara who held chuck’s hand in hers. “I want to do the same for you.” Dean glanced at you and she smirked, “you’re very lucky, Dean.” 

They disappeared in a brilliant display then Dean turned to you. His gaze trailed over you then he carefully cradled your face in his hands and whispered, “I never thought I’d ever see you again.”

You looked at his lips recalling all the dreams that haunted you as heat spread out from your chest and your lips tingled begging to be touched, “don’t waste it.”

He smirked then finally leaned down and pressed his lips feather light against yours. There was a sweetness about it but it wasn’t enough, after all these months, it wasn’t even close to enough. You pulled back and his eyes fluttered open, confusion twisting his features before you threw your arms around his neck and shoved your hand into his hair pulling him down. You captured his lips with the whirlwind of emotions from the separation, from that morning, from everything you thought you lost and now had right in front of you pushing you further.

It was feverish, frantic, and a little out of control but his arms were around you keeping you from falling and he dove into it with a fervor you remembered well. It was everything you had missed and so much more.

“Dean? You’re alive?”

You broke apart and looked toward the voice, “Sammy?”

“How are you alive? Where are we?” He was looking around with a slight panic in his movements.

Dean quipped, “heaven.”

Sam’s face fell as his gaze shot to his brother, “what?”

Dean snorted and you frowned, “we’re still here, Sam. Wait, what happened to my car?”

Dean stiffened, “baby?”

Sam crossed his arms over his chest, “anyone want to answer my questions?”

You rushed out, “Dean played Dr. Phil and got them to talk it out but I have no idea where we are.”

He grinned, “Chuck sent your car back to the bunker after Crowley knocked you out.” His gaze moved over to Dean, “Cas is probably still in Lawrence with the impala but so is Crowley and I have the keys.”

“Crowley what?” Dean looked down at you, his jaw clenching.

“I’m fine.” You waved him off but he was still tense. You pressed your hand against his chest and leaned up pressing a kiss to his jaw to show him. “Really, I’m right here, I’m fine.”

Dean nodded but you could still see the stress throughout his rigid stance. He turned and stared out the closest window. The funny thing was you were hoping he was worrying about his car and not you. He rubbed his jaw, “shit.”

It came on slow, like bubbles floating up from your toes, and you couldn’t really pinpoint why but you started laughing, that full belly laugh that you couldn’t control. Sam stared at you with his brows drawn together for a mere second before he cracked a smile then it seemed to catch like a contagion. His chuckles spiraled into that boisterous laugh. Dean pulled out his phone from frowning at the two of you.

You braced your hands on your knees trying to suck in a breath as Dean ran over to the window and craned his neck. “Maybe she brought the car too. Or Chuck.” He put the phone to his ear as you and Sam tried to catch a breath but caught sight of each other and started laughing all over again.

“Cas! Is my car there? Do not let them touch it! I swear Cas if he even scratches…” Dean turned and caught your eye. Your laughter finally reached him and the corner of his mouth turned up. “We’ll find a way to meet you halfway once we figure out where we are.” He chuckled, “yeah, they’re laughing. I don’t have a damn clue!” But he smiled at you as he strolled toward you with that easy going yet confident gait you hadn’t seen since before the mark. “I’ll call you back once I sober these two up.” He stopped in front of you with a wide smile. “Yeah, it’s good to hear you’re safe too. I’ll see you soon.”

He touched your face as he pocketed his phone, his thumb brushing over your cheekbone. “I’ve got some unfinished business to attend to.” It was heady; the relief flooding your system, the joy radiating out from your chest heightening everything including the heat from his touch, his proximity, and the promise in his voice. “Got some lost time to make up for. A few things to make up for actually.”

“And a lot of time to do it. Hopefully,” you whispered as he leaned in and this time, you let the kiss lead you with maybe just a little push to deepen it.

Sam was going to be very annoyed with you two but you could make up for that later. You had all the time in the world now. At least, that’s how you felt in Dean’s arms.

It was one of the first things you had admired about him, his ability to always have that spark of hope, even after everything, there was always just enough hope to keep going. And maybe from today on, you could have a little of that too.

After all, everything was out in the open now. No more sneaking around in the dark, hiding in back rooms, or keeping the truth locked underneath the fear. You could go off on your own and survive anywhere, you could always find a peace and a happiness wherever you went but there was one thing that wouldn’t be there. Sure, you could find good people and make friends that could possibly last a lifetime but they would always be second best to Dean and Sam that knew every part of you and still accepted you, loved you even more for those strengths and weaknesses. Just like Sam knew how to help you when you fell into a bad place and lost control, Dean could remind you with a simple look or touch that you were right where you were supposed to be. You had already figured out that you didn’t need that kind of love from Dean, that you could still find it without leaving them but damn did it feel good to see that look in his eye and know exactly what it meant.

And anytime those pesky lines crept back up in your head, you had the answer now. Fuck lines. Life wasn’t about filling in certain boxes in a specific way. It was about finding what worked for you and adapting when needed, it was about the pursuit of happiness in all its forms and places. There will always be bad days, that was a part of life too, but with your chosen family by your side, you didn’t have to run anymore. When the darkness seeped in and began to taint everything, you’d always have that trusted hand to help you up, a shoulder to help carry the burden, and the arms that kept you from falling. Whenever you got a little lost or maybe didn’t have enough of that never fading hope, Sam would understand and help in every way he could and Dean would happily remind you in his favorite style. Besides who doesn’t need a little top up on hope every now and then?

“Ah, guys? We should probably figure out where we are and I don’t know, maybe a way to meet up with Cas and your car?”

Dean broke the kiss and smirked down at you. Without breaking your gaze, he answered his brother, “in a minute, Sammy. I’ve got something very important to do.” He kissed you again and swallowed your giggle that morphed into a moan.

Yeah, you would be just fine with your boys. You could repay Sam for his patience later because the only thing that existed right now was the man holding you in his arms and proving just how wrong you were thinking he didn’t miss you or suffering just as much as you during the last few months. It was an apology, a declaration, and a vow all wrapped up in one extremely talented gesture and you would be damned if you were going to be the one to stop it.

“Okay, I’m going to find out where we are. I... ah,” he chuckled, “won’t go too far.”

Dean’s arm left your back and you chuckled but Dean quickly pulled you back under his spell whispering against your lips. “Don’t worry, we’ve got time.”

“Mmmm, not as much time for what I want to do.”

He groaned as he grabbed your ass, “damnit woman, you’re going to kill me.”

“You’re not that kind of hero.”

He lifted you off your feet smiling at your shriek and carried you over to the water fountain. He sat down and you straddled his lap before he pulled you back to his chest. He leaned his forehead against yours, “I’m never letting you go again.”

You gazed into those eyes that both haunted and soothed with a smirk and slow roll of your hips, "show me.”

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