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alovesreading · 5 months

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'tis the damn season | Part 1

Summary: Christmas has been your favourite season since you met Ross MacDonald back in Year 9 when you had just moved to Wilmslow, coincidentally on the same road as him. He becomes your very best friend for the rest of high school, but when that ends, life happens and you just can't stop it. And life is certainly cruel to you and Ross. Every December is a reminder of it, somehow always bringing a chance to ruin things even more. After so many mistakes, how can you get back the times you've always cherished with the silly boy with the dimpled smile?

Word count: 16.5k

Warnings: a bit of ansgt. well more than just a bit. @imagine-that-100 and @kennedy-brooke have made it very clear to warn you that they cried (a lot) to this so here's your warning to read this at your own discretion. i promise I'll make it up to you in the next part lol

A/N: Last month I made a poll here to see which Ross fic everyone wanted to see next (since people were asking for more Ross and I had a few fics plotted out but didn't know which to write first) and this one won by a few votes. So here it is, a bit shit and a bit angsty but I hope you enjoy it!

Masterlist

Part 2

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Slowly but surely, Ross MacDonald had made his way into your heart all those years ago.

And it all could be traced back to Christmas day 2002, when an act of kindness set the tone for a friendship that had been silently brewing between the two of you.

You had moved to Wilmslow as soon as you finished Year 8 and the anticipation for the start of Year 9 in a new school had been dreadful.

Thankfully, moving in had kept you and your parents busy enough to hide away in your new house as you waited for the first day of school to arrive.

Your parents hadn’t even pushed you to go out and make friends throughout the horrendously hot weeks of August for they allowed you to settle in the new house—they knew how badly you coped with change, and they were at least being kind enough to leave you to your own devices before school started. You kept your days busy by burying your nose in the few books you’d managed to keep after convincing your mom not to donate the entirety of your bookshelves.

But far too soon, the first day of school loomed on you and the first week at Wilmslow high school had been atrocious.

You kept to yourself like you always did, however, this time, it was an exaggerated amount. But you just felt so out of place, you couldn’t help it.

You’d look up at the sky with a pained expression every time during lunch, when you would finish yet another chapter of a book you’d read over and over since you’d gotten it, asking why? Just why would your parents make you move to a new town, and start from scratch at a new school when you were halfway through high school?

By Year 9, everyone’s friend groups were settled, the last year of school when everyone felt carefree enough to enjoy every single day before having to choose and start working towards getting their GCSEs.

So you felt like a proper outsider, not really welcome, like a new organism trying to push their way into an established ecosystem. And you hated it so much. It only pushed you further into your shell, making you want to disappear and remain under the shadows as you walked through the hallways to get to class, recoiling into yourself when hearing the loud chatter and laughter going on around you, failing horrendously at even smiling when people would make eye contact with you.

You were at least glad that you could walk home to and from school. The few minutes of silence and peace were something you cherished a lot now; the thudding of your leather shoes against the pavement lulling your thoughts as you made your way to the building that you were starting to dread seeing on the daily.

The second week had brought a surprise when you were halfway through yet another read of ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ and a group of girls approached you. You’d flinched when one of them spoke up as they sat around you in a menacing circle.

“S’a bit of a sad read for such a lovely day, no?”

The girl had been kind enough to let out a genuine giggle by the end of her lighthearted words so you braved up enough to put your book down softly and offer her a half smile. You had managed to joke back, a reference to the book that the three girls thankfully caught and then, with an ease that soothed your soul, you found yourself making your first few friends by talking about the books you loved so much.

As the days went by and you found yourself surprised when having people to share lunch with and greet when you got to school, you were sure this was as far as you’d get to with your luck. And, in all honesty, you were grateful. You had never been one to have loads of friends, and even with the few you’d made throughout the years, you knew you weren’t lucky to form strong bonds like everyone else did at your age.

So when you were walking down the roads that lead you to school, the last thing that you were expecting was for the boy who startled your silent and peaceful walk to become your very best friend.

Ross had seen you around school a few times by the end of the first week and the talk about the mysterious new girl had been doing rounds enough for his curiosity to be piqued, when he saw you walking into the house down the road from his house at the start of the second week of the school year.

He had made an effort waking up at a reasonable time and leaving for school way earlier than he always did every morning then, to see if he could catch up with you.

There wasn’t really a plan, there was just his growing curiosity to know about the girl who lived on the opposite corner of the road, the one who walked a block ahead of him every morning and got to school a minute before him, being whisked away by three girls that you gave the honour to see your smile unlike the rest of the students who crossed you through the halls.

One morning in particular, when Ross had just been annoyed at himself for missing you every damn time he walked out of his house, he decided to rush his steps until he reached you. Stumbling the last few and successfully startling you when he managed to catch up to you about a few minutes before you’d get to school.

His mind went blank when you looked at him expectantly for a few seconds, nothing but the birds chirping around you and the sound of cars driving down the roads enveloped you as you waited for a reasoning behind his sudden appearance.

But Ross gave you nothing but a dimpled smile and offered his hand out for you to shake.

Your grip was firm and the smile that broke on your face was as sweet as the ones you gave your new friends.

He foolishly hoped that meant you were friends now, but just to be sure of it, he let you know his name.

“Ross,” he started a bit shaky, clearing his throat before adding, “MacDonald.”

The chortle you gave at his formality made a pinkish blush creep up from his neck to his cheeks.

The sight made you smile a bit harder.

“Y/N,” your voice made him melt. “Y/L/N. If the full legal name is really needed.”

He shook his head at himself, snorting out in laughter and dropping your hand softly. He clenched his fingers in a fist and then loosened it when his arm fell to his side. Even though the day was warm and he didn’t like it at all with the horrendously suffocating uniform they had to wear, he found himself not minding the warmth that holding your hand had brought.

Frowning at the thought, he fell silent just like you did and followed as you resumed your walk.

That was the first day you walked to school together.

Every morning after that, he ran to catch up to you and walk together to school. And little by little, your conversations elongated and you two shared more about yourselves to each other as the days went by.

“So who’s that girl then?” Matty asked one day after seeing you and Ross part ways at the entrance of the school.

Ross tensed at the line of questioning, especially at Matty’s tone and the way he wiggled his eyebrows at him.

“Just my neighbour,” he said almost dismissively. “We walk the same way to school so I bump into her sometimes.”

It wasn’t in bad nature though, he just wanted to keep the details of you that you kept hidden for everyone else to himself. It wasn’t selfish, Ross convinced himself, just giving you the chance to open up to Matty if you ever decided to do that.

But the curly headed boy knew well enough he hadn’t seen you before when he’d come over to the MacDonald’s residence, and he also knew very well that Ross walked into school with you daily. Sometimes my arse.

“Don’t remember seeing her around when I’ve come over to yours.”

Ross held back a huff but he freely let himself roll his eyes, “She’s just moved into the house on the other side of the road from mine.”

Matty hummed, smirking as he looked around until his gaze fell on you, “She’s fit.”

You were laughing with your friends, chatting excitedly as you sorted through your bag and pulled out a book.

Ross frowned at Matty’s comment but not because he disagreed, he actually wholeheartedly thought his friend was right, but because he didn’t like it coming from him.

“Maybe you should introduce us to the other,” Matty added with a cheeky grin when he saw the expression on Ross’ face. “Be a good mate and play cupid for me, MacDonald.”

Ross scoffed loudly at the forward suggestion from his friend. It was settled then, telling Matty you lived in the same road as him and that you’d just moved into town was enough for him to know.

He kept to himself what your favourite movie was, which album you’d last become obsessed with, the names of your friends back home who you didn’t talk to anymore now that you’d moved, how you had broken your arm at five years old in the playground and had put stickers all over your pink cast to show it off at school. Ross definitely wouldn’t tell him how that book had been lent to you by Danielle, one of your new friends, and how you’d stayed up until three in the morning reading it so you had spent half your trip up to school yawning and rubbing your eyes.

Yup. He would definitely keep it all to himself.

And so he did. He kept every bit of yourself that you shared with him to himself and himself only. And along with all those little facts about you, he also kept to himself the way he perked up every time he saw you slowly walking down the pavement, the warmth that spread through him when he saw you smile at him.

He would frown at himself in the mirror when he thought about it at home. He was thirteen years old, there were so many things much more important than thinking about how pretty you were or how your smile made him all gooey inside. He huffed every time, convincing himself he was just being objective and not developing a crush. He liked you as a friend and that was it. He had much more important matters than his feelings, which he definitely didn’t have.

But after the half term break, there was a change that made his stubborn thoughts falter.

He walked out of his house ready to see your figure already ahead of him, ready to power walk his way up to you.

But he saw no one but the trees and bushes lining the road and he deflated instantly.

He thought about walking up to your front door and knocking, asking if you’d gotten ill and you weren’t going to school. He pondered about what could’ve happened as he walked, eyes down as he went over the possibilities.

So he didn’t see you sitting on the step of your front door, waiting for him to walk by.

Taking in his distracted complexion, you decided to startle him right before he walked past your mum’s car.

A loud and slightly high pitched yell stumbled out of his mouth, and you somehow overpowered the sound with a loud fit of laughter that certainly felt like a nice apology for the scare.

You wouldn’t stop giggling about it as you walked to school, somehow managing to make him laugh along despite embarrassment tinting his cheeks red. Ross had never heard you laugh this much in his presence so he’d let you indulge in it, and when he did, you let yourself grow more comfortable around him.

He felt it from the way you’d now wait for him to walk by sitting on the step of your front door every morning, and how you’d greet him with a smile and an excited, “Hey!” He felt it from the way you’d lean into him as you walked, how you’d nudge his hip with yours when you’d tease him.

Just like you had done one day when you asked about the band.

“So he got promoted, huh?”

Your question had been thrown out into the chilly air of early November, suddenly and without context, so Ross looked at you confused and asked, “Who?”

His group of friends and yours didn’t really share much at all. Whilst you and your friends shared the growing love for books and films, you knew Ross was in a band with some of his friends and they were always messing about, playing video games or going to the skate park, if they were not recording themselves covering songs like the Ghostbusters theme song, which you’d seen on myspace, or just rehearsing in someone’s garage.

So you knew a little about the band from the few videos that went around the school, seeing them hidden away in the music room at school sometimes, or just the talk going around the halls. It was exactly the gossip which had brought the piece of information to your attention and you’d been curious about what had gotten Elliot, some lad who sang for their band, to quit in the middle of rehearsal and left that job open for his friend, who you knew played the drums, to take it.

“Your friend, the one with the curly hair and glasses? Used to be on the drums until a few days ago no? Or so the chatter going ‘round says.”

Recognition melted the frown away from his face, “Oh Matty? Yeah, yeah. We got George in the band now. T’was sorta logistically impossible to have Matty singing and on the drums at the same time. He had to do one thing at a time for it to properly work.”

You hummed, cocking your head as you took in the information. It made sense. “How’s that arrangement going on then?”

“Erm, well he likes being up on the front. The attention and all.” Ross joked a little, even though it was mostly true.

You snorted out in laughter, “Yeah I bet.”

He hummed as if asking for you to elaborate.

“He looks like he likes attention. Not a bad thing, just–” you stuttered as you tried to look for the words, settling for, “It’s funny to watch, s’all."

Ross snorted as he nodded, “It is.”

Already seeing Jodie, Sarah and Danielle waiting for you by the school entrance, you turned to look at him and offered him a cheeky grin to play, “Good luck with that then, MacDonald. Don’t let him steal your spotlight too much.”

It was things like that that you’d say that would stay with him for days in the forefront of his mind. Weeks swirling around his subconscious and keeping him up at night, nothing really came from thinking about them so much, only the need to spend more and more time with you but he had no clue how or when to even suggest that.

The need only grew stronger when the holiday break came around and Ross hadn’t seen you in five days. Sure, two of those were the weekend but he had only really endured going without seeing you on the weekends, reuniting with your voice and your smile and your laughter the following Monday.

So Ross had been thinking about how he could even come around to seeing you during the holidays. Especially since it was actually Christmas day.

He could knock on your door, easily, but then what would he do? Was he coming over just to say hello? What if one of your parents answered the door? What was he trying to do? What excuse could he have?

Turns out, he didn’t have to think of an excuse because as he walked back home from Matty’s, Ross found you grumpily walking back home too.

He called out your name in the distance and thankfully, you heard him enough to turn around to see him and stop in your tracks.

It wasn’t until he was next to you that he said, “Why the long face? It’s Christmas.”

You could hear the hint of playfulness in his voice, but the annoyance that filled you mixed with a bit of sadness so you couldn’t find it in yourself to play along.

Instead, you sighed and shoved your gloved hands back inside your coat’s pockets. Shivering, you replied, “I know. There’s always a Grinch though, no?”

He nudged your hip with his, a smirk tugging on the corners of his mouth as he joked, “Doubt you’ve just stolen all the village’s gifts.”

When you only gave him a soft chuckle that got lost in the sound of the wind, he turned serious and asked, “What’s wrong?”

Taking a deep breath so you didn’t let it get to you again, you took a second before explaining, “Mum’s forgotten to buy the potatoes and sent me out on the impossible quest of finding some at a quarter past four on the 25th of December.”

Ross gave you a soft, understanding smile then. “Ah, so no potatoes acquired.”

“Not one,” you mumbled in despair, shivering again when a cold rush of wind blew the hoodie off your head.

He had to hold himself back from throwing his arm over your shoulder and pulling you into him. All to help you get warm, of course. But he thought against it at the last second, instead thinking about what he could do to help.

“You know, me mum always buys way more than needed. It’s only us three so she definitely has some to spare.”

Horrified at the thought of taking from what should be his Christmas dinner, you quickly dismissed his suggestion. “No, Ross. It’s okay, it doesn’t matter.”

But Ross wouldn’t accept no for an answer. Kissing his teeth as he shook his head, he nudged your hip again, a cheeky grin on his face, “C’mon Y/N, today’s all about giving, is it not?”

Damn him and that dimpled smile that made it so easy for you to smile back. You hummed as you pressed your lips, trying not to beam at him too brightly but letting him win, “I guess it is.”

It was strange walking up the road and past your house. You had waited outside but still gasped under your breath at the glimpse of his house all decorated when he walked in through the door. When he closed the door behind him as his mum peeked her head out of the kitchen door, you sighed out in relief. Yes, he was your friend now but you were far too shy to go in and meet his parents only to take their potatoes.

Your cheeks and neck warmed with a flush that went all through your body when you thought about how he’d be telling his mum about the vegetables. God, how fucking embarrassing. You were cursing your mum’s forgetfulness in your mind when Ross walked back out, a bag of potatoes in hand.

You wanted earth to open up and swallow you whole.

But when that didn’t happen, you accepted the bag with a genuine smile and thanked Ross profusely. He said it was alright over and over but your mind was going over how you could repay it already.

An idea sparked in your head just as he was waving off yet another thank you that stumbled out of your lips, so with a sudden hurry, you wished him and his family a merry Christmas and walked back home.

A handful of hours later, you were back at his door. This time with your hands full, holding a tray of way too many Christmas cookies for three people.

“Special delivery?” You muttered softly, holding up the tray towards Ross as he peeled the door open further when seeing it was you.

He walked out, brave enough to face the bitter cold of the night without a proper coat. In just a beige knitted sweater, he rubbed his hands to warm them as he frowned, “What’s this?”

“Cookies, of course,” you replied with sarcasm dripping thick from your words. Ross glared at you, unimpressed by your answer and making you sigh, correcting yourself, “A thank you.”

“I told you it was alright.”

You knew he meant it but when you came back home, bag of potatoes in hand, your mum had gasped in surprise at you actually managing to get them. Not allowing her to get excited about being right about maybe the corner shop being open, you let your annoyance be known as you told her what had actually happened: you’d walked to the shops in the freezing cold for no reason because they were all closed like you very much knew they’d be, but Ross had been the one to give her the bag of vegetables. Just like you’d been thinking of doing already, your mum suggested making something extra to send over to Ross’ family as a thank you.

So here you were, with a double batch of sprinkled sugar cookies that you’d just taken out of the oven about twenty minutes before, standing in front of the MacDonald’s home, trying to get Ross to accept a humble—and quite tasty—offering as a thank you for his help.

“Well today’s about giving, isn’t it Ross?”

He couldn’t help but smile when hearing you use his very own words to push him into gracefully accepting the sweet treats. And so the only way to answer was by using your very own answer from earlier, “I guess it is.”

“Then take them, please.”

Truth be told, you had gotten to work on them quickly after going back home. It was a recipe you knew by heart so it wasn’t hard for you to make batch after batch. Your parents had been happily having some with hot chocolate whilst you’d come to deliver Ross the cookies you’d made for him and his family.

Ross smiled brightly, “Thank you, you’re a sweetheart.”

Your cheeks had warmed at the pet name, he’d never referred to you any other way than your name.

It was to be expected that the stupid smile on your face didn’t leave you until you went to sleep that night, and you’d been replaying him calling you that in your mind over and over.

You didn’t really see him after Christmas, not even on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s day, so you had to wait for the first day back at school to see him. To hear his voice, watch that infectious smile of his break on his face.

But on Monday, you waited for him far too long, sat on the step by your front door until it got late. You had walked to school alone, quickly and panicking as you tried not to be late but also worried about what could’ve happened with him.

Everything was alright though, Ross had just stupidly slept in until his mum startled him out of bed when he was already running late. He’d gotten dressed in record time, and basically ran to school and barely made it. There wasn’t any sense of relief overcoming him when he made it just in time, he was filled with dread after having missed your daily morning walk together, the one he’d been looking forward to since he’d gotten a taste of those cookies you made—he had basically hoarded them and left his parents only a handful to eat, they all had reached the conclusion that you’d done amazingly with the cookies and that it had been incredibly sweet of you to drop them off for them; so he really needed to tell you all that.

To his dismay, Ross didn’t see you at all throughout the day. So when the school day was over and everyone spilled out of the building, he rushed outside to catch you before you left for home.

In the distance, you heard him yell out your name and even your friends froze in their places beside you.

They smirked when you all turned around to see him clumsily breaking through the crowd to get to you, wiggles of their eyebrows and widening eyes letting you know that they were definitely curious about what was going on for your ‘walking-to-school buddy’, as they’d nicknamed him, to be so desperate to find you.

Waving them off and forcing them to say goodbye, you walked away from them and tilted your head slightly so Ross would follow you along as you started walking away from school.

The apology was imminent, you just didn’t know it would come this quickly, “M’so sorry, Y/N. I didn’t hear my alarm and slept in.” He took a deep breath when he got to your side and added, “Mum had to wake me up, fucking hell. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten dressed this quickly in my life.”

You laughed at him, the way his eyes flashed with dread at the recount of his morning.

He continued explaining, for no reason other than feeling like you deserved the whole truth behind it, “We got fucking plastered on New Year’s at Matty’s. Fully had to take a few days to recover from that nightmare of a hangover, but I’m still feeling rough so I just kept sleeping.”

Another string of giggles fell from your lips, “Right.”

Despite still being very sure of wanting to keep Matty away from you, Ross couldn’t help but suggest, “You should come along next year. You’d enjoy yourself.” He had been thinking about how it could’ve been with you there the whole time—or at least until he blacked out—, wishing he had invited you over. So he did just that, but just in case, he added, “Plus the guys are funny, even though they can be really obnoxious.”

Amused, you looked at him with raised brows and a cheeky grin, “I think Adam should be exempt from that.”

You had met Adam at school, he had been kind enough to say hello one day in the halls knowing that you were one of Ross’ friends, and he’d been really sweet chatting to you from time to time when you bumped into him around school. He definitely was nothing like Matty or George, who you’d seen causing ruckus around the place a fair few times.

At the dig, Ross asked, “What about me?”

But you tried taunting him by ignoring his inquiry and saying, “I'll be counting down the next 365 days,” successfully accepting his invitation over to Matty’s for the welcome of the next year.

Frozen in his place, his mouth fell agape at your blatant dismissal of his words, and so you left him behind with a chuckle, continuing walking towards your house.

From behind you, you heard him ask again, a bit louder this time, “Oi! What about me?”

You just laughed, shaking your head and not turning to see him. He had run up to you and poked your side as payback, making you squeal in surprise.

Your laughter hadn’t stopped until you were almost halfway to your house and answering his question had been long forgotten.

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The weeks that followed that first Christmas had seen you and Ross becoming proper friends and causing a domino effect on the mixing of your friend groups. Friendships bloomed easily when everyone started hanging out together thanks to you and Ross wanting to share more time together other than your walks to and from school.

It was an odd group of people, but you managed to bring out different sides of each other and it was pure laughter and joy every time.

Before you knew it, birthdays, half term breaks, weekends, Halloweens, and evenings after school were spent with you all together. Messing about, watching the guys rehearse in Matty’s garage, being front row in every gig they played, helping each other study for your GCSEs, coming over to watch films and sneaking out to the skatepark.

But when December came around and school had closed for Holiday break, you realised that it was that time of the year that would become your absolute favourite.

For Christmas 2003, you had made sure to make something for his family again. After Ross had told you how much his family had enjoyed the cookies you’d made, you wanted to surprise them with something again; even if this year you’d made sure your mum didn’t forget a single thing for your Christmas dinner so you weren’t asking for something back from the MacDonalds.

You had made a glorious batch of Yorkshire pudding that Ross and his parents enjoyed thoroughly with their gravy. You’d told your mum how surprised and grateful your neighbours had been for the treat, and you were secretly hoping Ross would come knocking on your door to tell you how they found your cooking but you had been the one surprised instead when Ross had come over on Boxing day morning with a delicious English trifle that his mum made as a thank you.

After having a healthy portion of dessert, you had basically dragged Ross upstairs to show him the presents you had gotten that year, and he had enjoyed every second with a silly grin on his face.

He hadn’t missed a beat to invite you over to his house so he could show you what he had gotten that year. But you hadn’t been allowed to leave before your mum could take a few pictures of you and Ross with the brand new Polaroid camera your dad had spoiled her with that year.

Her obsession with hanging mistletoe had ended up with Ross kissing your cheek for a picture after your mum had cheekily pointed out you were standing right below it.

You had felt the burning imprint of his lips on the skin of your cheek for hours as you were thrown on his bed admiring the beauty of his new bass, hearing him tune the instrument and practise the songs he knew how to play so well with what he had been obnoxiously referring to as his new ‘baby’.

That afternoon you had gone to Matty’s house, the rest of your friend group arrived shortly after you and Ross, and soon enough you started exchanging the gifts you’d gotten each other. The presents weren’t big or something too special, you all had to make due with your pocket money, but it had brought you so much happiness to see everyone’s reactions to what the other’s had gotten for them.

The days in between Boxing day and New Year’s Eve had been spent with either you over at Ross’ house or him over at yours.

By then, it wasn’t odd to spend time at each other’s houses, watching films and eating chips or helping each other with homework and studying. But the cold December had assured that every time you fell asleep as you watched a film in your room or his, you’d wake up cuddling tightly to keep warm.

It was a drastic change to wake up with your limbs tangled together instead of your heads resting on the other’s shoulder like it had happened before. So the first time it had happened, the two of you had jumped away from the other like you’d just been shocked by electricity. The truth was that a buzz had gone through your body to every single one of your nerve endings and you both had felt it, it was obvious in the foolish grins that you tried to hide as you apologised to each other.

But it was tempting to get lost in the feeling, and it proved impossible for you to have the heart to stop it from happening when you woke up resting on Ross’ chest, his arms around your waist to keep you in place and your legs tangled together.

You had blinked awake and seen the situation in which you were stuck in, and despite knowing it would be best to peel yourself away from him as your heartbeat grew louder in your ears, you just couldn’t do it.

Closing your eyes, you willed yourself to fall back asleep and leave the decision for Ross to make. Yet, he had felt you stir in his hold and it only took him a few seconds to wake up.

He groaned lowly and you felt your face heat up at the sound rumbling through his chest under your cheek. This was definitely not helping you ignore the way his presence had started making you fluster and get giddy every time, not helping the need to spend all of your time with him; definitely not helping your thoughts from going to a conversation with your friends who were willing to bet that you had a crush on Ross.

Softly you apologised and went to push yourself away from him, but Ross held you tighter and shook his head, half lidded eyes that fought against his sleepy haze on you with determination.

“Don’t. You’re so cosy.”

It was clearer than ever that you couldn’t say no to him and it made you curse at yourself in your mind.

By the time New Year’s Eve came, you and Ross had made it a habit to cuddle whenever either of you was at the other’s house, and with the cuddles came the need to have the other close at all times.

Therefore, you were glued to each other for the entirety of Matty’s house party. Even when one of you ran to the bathroom to be sick—yes, one if not the both of you, would definitely be shit faced before midnight—, the other was there to help.

When the countdown happened, you would laugh at the crowd of drunk teenagers trying to properly sync up to the clock. And when midnight struck, you’d all go around the room to clumsily hug everyone and wish them a happy new year.

And, of course, when you would wake up after knocking out on one of the settees, you’d be cuddling Ross tightly into you like you had grown used to doing in the past couple of days.

When the holiday season of 2004 came around, everything you had done the year before had become a tradition. From making something for the other’s family to spending the lazy morning of Boxing day together, walking over to Matty’s house side by side with the gifts for your friends in hand, spending the days leading up to New Year’s Eve together and then going over to the Healy’s residence to get pissed as you welcomed the new year.

You found yourself wishing for every year to be the same.

Your heart swelled in your chest when December 2005 loomed around the corner, and your cheeks hurt from how hard you smiled when your traditions continued just the same during Holiday break.

Another recipe was made as you tried to impress the MacDonalds, another picture of kisses on cheeks was added to the collection, another handful of presents bought for your friends, another show and tell of your gifts thrown for Ross, many more movies watched as you nuzzled in his neck, another countdown shouted with your best of friends, another hangover cured with Ross’ help.

But everything was slightly different this time around, for 2006 meant that this would be your last Holiday season at home before you were off to university. And though you were definitely coming back home to celebrate the Holidays every year, it was different enough to make it a proper last celebration.

That meant Ross and his parents coming over for Christmas dinner at your house.

“Wish we had done this sooner,” you tell Ross as you cut pieces of the sticky toffee pudding you made earlier today.

He hums beside you, sliding a plate closer to you so you could place the first piece down, “Me too.”

It’s hard not to be nostalgic already when you’re all chatting and laughing together, your chest feels heavy as you long for a memory in the making, one that you know you will cherish forever, even if you don’t have to because you’re sure you won’t ever have to spend the Christmas holidays without Ross—you’re determined to never let that happen.

Everyone sitting around the table showers you in compliments for the delicious dessert you’ve made, Ross’ mum asking for the recipe while everyone else asks for seconds.

“Can I get a double serving, sweetheart? You know, since I’m your favourite person here.”

You roll your eyes at him, but Ross knows far too well that you can’t say no to him. Not when he calls you that.

He could admit that sometimes he uses the pet name selfishly, but most of the time is just to see how you squirm under his gaze, completely unable to keep your cool.

Ross thinks you’re so fucking cute.

He has been for a while. And that crush he knew he had on you, only grew stronger and deeper the more days he spent in your presence.

Matty had said once that Ross was in love with you and the bassist had never been more grateful that his best mate had at least waited until you were out of hearing distance for him to point that out.

But that comment swirled in the back of Ross’ head ever since it had fallen from Matty’s lips and it echoed loudly in his mind when you were near him, and it got horrendously louder when you were cuddling or hugging him.

Just like you are right now as you pose for your mum’s camera.

That Polaroid which had been the reason for your growing collection of pictures with you and Ross as the main focus of the frame. From your birthday pictures to pictures your mum had sneakily taken when the two of you fell asleep on the settee, pictures of you in your fancy dresses before you were off to a house party for Halloween and all of your Christmas pictures throughout the years.

Your arms are wrapped around Ross’ waist, one of his hands over your hands as if to keep you there and his other arm over your shoulder. The smiles are wide on your faces for the first picture but you know what’s happening next. Like clockwork, Ross is pressing his lips on your cheek for the yearly kiss picture you take under the mistletoe that hangs above you.

Mockingly, really.

Because Ross has long gotten tired of kissing your cheek, he wants to kiss you properly under the mistletoe and has been wanting to since the second time your mum made the two of you pose for pictures under the hanging arrangement of little branches. He remembered the twinkling lights around your house reflecting on your pretty eyes and he was gone; his lips itched to press on yours but he had held back, only because your mum was always right there.

But this time the obnoxious whirring of the empty camera alerts you all that the film has run out and your mum excuses herself to make a dash upstairs and get a new pack, warning you to stay right there for her.

You loosen up your embrace and let your arms fall limply on your sides to give Ross his space until your mum is back but he frowns as he looks at you and scorns, “Where are you going?”

It isn’t like you are leaving though, you’re staying right beside him but letting him free for a minute or two because you know how annoying your mum can get about pictures and how, despite his lack of comment on it, he only just tolerates it.

“She’s gonna take a while. We’ll pose again when she’s back.”

He huffs under his breath because he really didn’t want you to stop hugging him. But he takes the moment to look up the stairs as the noise of your mum making a clutter in her room as she looks for her film bounces down the halls and reaches the two of you. A loud ‘for fucks sake’ is heard from upstairs and your best friend hears you snort beside him.

Just when he was about to look back at you, Ross catches a glimpse of the neatly hung arrangement of mistletoe and, now really aware of the fact that your mum is out of sight and both your dads are heavily engrossed in conversation far away from where you stand, he knows this is the moment he’s been wishing for.

The feeling of his hands coming up to your face surprises you, but what’s more surprising is seeing him slowly leaning into you and you do nothing to stop it.

How could you stop it? When it’s something you’ve been thinking about obsessively for months now. The feelings that he brought you only heightened with time and you didn’t do anything about it other than keep it to yourself and sigh endlessly as you thought about him every day when you were alone in your room, writing everything down on your battered old diary.

Ross pauses when your noses brush, your breaths mixing with him this close to you and he’s about to ask when you just nod, almost missable if his forehead wasn’t pressed against yours and the movement causes his own head to move.

That was all he needed to close the distance and your heart explodes in your chest when his lips press against yours and his stubble itches your face as he starts to move his mouth on yours.

It’s quick because your mum’s footsteps coming quickly down the hall startle the two of you away from each other, but the kiss is enough to assure you two that the crushes you had on each other are much more than that.

And your mum captures the foolish smiles on your faces when that notion becomes apparent to you and Ross. This time, a kiss falls on Ross’ cheeks and your mum coos loudly at the dimpled loopy smile that breaks on his face.

You don’t say anything, because you really don’t know what can be said, and Ross doesn’t either, so you go on about the rest of the night like nothing’s happened. But the ache in your cheeks from how much you two are grinning dares to say otherwise.

Neither of you says a thing when the night’s wrapped up and you say goodbye. Ross really has to hold back from stealing another kiss from your lips when he hugs you goodbye, the attentive gaze of your and his parents posing a burden for his growing need to do that again.

But even the next morning, he’s wary of trying his luck again and, since you’re expecting him to make the first move again, you stop yourself from getting your hopes up and put it down to him just getting excited about standing under the mistletoe. After all, it is the rules of that tradition. So yes, you’re blaming it all on the mistletoe and you hope that singular word is enough of a bandaid on the little crack of your heart.

Yet, the heartache that the rest of Boxing day brings is a different and much stronger one when you and your friends are all splayed around Matty’s living room with sad smiles on your faces after having exchanged presents.

“It’s okay. We’re all coming back every Christmas and it’ll never change,” says Danielle, hoping that saying it aloud makes it become real.

The weight of the fact that half of you will be leaving town in September and it will all change, because growing up has been something none of you could avoid and life moves on, and unfortunately you have to move on too.

It’s somehow harder knowing that it’s you moving away. Matty had managed to convince the guys’ parents that the band was going to be a thing, something huge in no time, and therefore getting Adam and Ross to stay in Wilmslow—George was still dealing with his GCSEs, but even he wasn’t planning on doing his A Levels and going off to uni.

The thought of leaving everyone else behind, once again, makes you shake from anxiety when you think too much about it.

Losing all these people is enough of a nightmare to make your eyes well up with tears, ones you struggle to keep from spilling down your cheeks when everyone promises to be back every Christmas, speaking out what their plans will be for when the time comes.

Ross throws his arm around your shoulders when he hears you sniffle, hugging you into his side. That’s enough for you to start crying and in a matter of seconds everyone is suffocating you in a group hug.

It’s settled then that everyone is gonna make the most out of the rest of the week and your annual New Year’s Eve house party will be one to remember, to part with the best memories and only make the following years even better.

And you do just that.

Instead of spending the days leading up to New Year’s Eve with Ross, the rest of your friend group sticks together and you all spend the days in different houses, watching movies, messing about, playing video games. A few afternoons you all escape to the skatepark and hide away to smoke or drink, enjoying the last bits of the togetherness that you have a bad feeling will be broken despite the promises.

When the 31st of December approaches, and you walk into Matty’s house with Ross behind you, you gasp seeing the scene set up for the night.

There’s much more alcohol than needed for how many of you there will be, rolled spliffs on the coffee table ready for anyone to smoke, an unnecessary amount of snacks that you know will do absolutely no help to help you from getting pissed quickly.

You’re grateful you ate enough to survive a few hours of drinking before blacking out, if it even gets to that point. Unfortunately, George can’t say the same because by the time everyone has arrived at Matty’s, he’s already stumbling around the place with those silly giggles of his stumbling out at absolutely everything around him.

Everyone else followed, knocking back drink after drink and smoking to their heart’s content until there’s nothing but loud laughter and yelling, and the place is trashed by careless teenage behaviour.

It’s wild to say the least, everyone is on the verge of losing memory of the night with every shot and puff they take, the drinking games do not help in the slightest and George has been picked up from having passed out on the bushes twice already.

No one really is sober enough to care about the countdown. Matty and George being the menacing duo they are when intoxicated are entertaining everyone inside with the shit they spout, everyone’s eyes are on them like they’re the most captivating clowns anyone has ever seen, getting loud laughs from everyone.

But despite the amount you and Ross have drank, you’ve got enough grasp on your logic to walk out and close the door behind you, ready to watch the fireworks go off as everyone greets the new year.

Ross lights up a cigarette beside you and takes a long drag with an ease that makes you roll your eyes. You’ve always struggled when smoking with them, trying to take a drag of a spliff always ended with you erupting in a horrendous fit of coughs that end up hurting your chest, you were a bit better with cigarettes, only that meant you coughed a little less and you could take multiple drags of it instead of just the one.

He still offers you it, knowing that since you’re drunk you are most likely to crave a puff or two. Your fingers pluck it out of his accompanied with a soft, “Thanks.” that he smiles at.

As expected, you cough when the smoke hits the back of your throat but you don’t give it back, you hold your breath to stop yourself from coughing and try again. This time it burns way less so you can let the smoke go down until you can relish in the feeling and then let it out upwards.

Ross is staring at you with glistening eyes, fighting a grin that wants to break on his face just from seeing you like this. He finds even the most mundane things you do so incredibly endearing, it’s tragic how much of a hold you have on him and he just can’t stop it nor does he want to.

Yet, the real tragedy is that he doesn’t know exactly what to do. He knows what he wants to do: kiss you and cuddle you, hold your hand in school, have you close to him all the time; but he has no idea how to make that happen.

And time is ticking now, your imminent goodbye looming on him like a dark cloud in the horizon and he can’t help but think it might be stupid to risk your friendship selfishly when it’s soon that you’ll be gone.

But when everyone inside starts counting down in a horribly loud and drunk choir, Ross is brought out of his head. There you stand in front of him, fingers holding out the cigarette for him to take, a smirk on your face as you wiggle the stick for him to take, and there’s only one thing that Ross is thinking.

After that taste on Christmas day, he can’t just let this opportunity go. Not when it’s set so perfectly for him to make the move.

Ten, nine, eight…

He steps right in front of you, plucking the cigarette out of your hand and tossing it to the ground before wrapping an arm around your waist, his right hand coming to cup your face.

Seven, six, five, four…

Your breath leaves you in a gasp, your mouth hanging open as he starts leaning in. Your gazes stuck on the other, pupils dilating as the moment you’ve been both thinking about for days seems to happen all over again.

Three, two, one…

His lips are on yours before everyone can even finish saying one, their loud “Happy New Years!” doesn’t even startle you out of it. The noise only makes his fingers dig harsher on your face and his mouth grows more intent on yours, tongue licking your bottom lip and with a breathy whimper, you welcome him by parting your mouth.

Your lungs burn after what feels like minutes, but you can’t be sure it isn’t your brain stretching time out like a string of melted candy. The only thing you can do is curse yourself for ruining your lungs' capacity by having a brief smoke; if you’d only known Ross would be stealing your breath with a kiss, you would have declined.

You pull back with a gasp, trying to take as much oxygen into your lungs, chest heaving with your ragged breaths.

Yet Ross is composed as he lets his eyes flutter close and presses his forehead against yours. Your heavy exhales hit his parted mouth, your noses brush, and you feel your heartbeats in your ears.

“Happy New Year, sweetheart,” he whispers, lips brushing against yours as he talks and your body betrays you when you dip forward to join your mouths again.

It’s barely a kiss, more of a string of pecks that you manage to drop on his parted lips as you try puckering your lips in between trying to catch your breath.

Ross giggles breathily.

You stop, pulling back and looking into his eyes, “Happy New Year, Ross.”

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It was foolish of you to expect that university would be an easier change than moving towns in the middle of high school, yet you had held out hope that this time things would be easier; with your age and the aspirations you had, you expected all that to fuel you into fighting your struggles when change happened, but how wrong you were.

A miraculous day was one when you wouldn’t cry, staring at your phone as you tried to decide whether or not it would be a good idea to bug your parents once again, or if it was time to come clean to your friends back home about how you actually were feeling.

You never really made a decision. You felt guilty enough keeping this from your friends but you didn’t want to burden them with your stupid issues that all were rooted in your lack of ability to adapt to new places. Your parents were really the only ones who half knew how you were coping, but even then it was a very tame account of what you were really going through.

That is why you’re incredibly giddy now on the coach back home. You don’t even care about it being crowded and feeling way too observed by eyes you’ve never met, neither do you care about the smells around you nor the loud snoring coming from behind you.

All you can think of is how excited you are to be home during your favourite time of the year, to see your friends, to hug Ross so tightly you are sure it will rid you of all of your troubles.

You really wanted to see Ross.

It wasn’t like you never spoke on the phone but with your inability to cope with change, there were only a few evenings throughout the week when you weren’t sobbing your eyes out enough to deal with your academic responsibilities and then make calls back home.

So it was needless to say that you’ve been counting down the days until holiday break, and you just couldn’t wait to get to that road you had met Ross and run down to knock on his door and crush him in a hug.

Your knee bounces up and down as you think about all the things that have been going on back at home, how the world back there has kept spinning around without you and it makes your anxiety creep up your spine.

With a shake of your head, you force yourself to stop.

It’s okay. Everyone will be glad to see you and it’s gonna be as if you’d never left. It’ll be alright.

When your dad picks you up from the Manchester airport station, your smile breaks on your face. It has been so long since you’ve genuinely smiled that your cheeks start hurting shortly into your drive. Your heart slams against your ribcage, your fingers fiddle with the sleeves of your jumper, and your words tangle on the tip of your tongue as you try to chat with your dad.

You can’t wait to get home and feel some sense of normalcy, that familiarity you’ve been longing the very second you went away.

But, despite the warm welcome the familiar walls of your fully decorated house gives you, when Ross comes over, there’s a shift around you that makes you frown.

The unrelenting knocks on the front door have you dashing downstairs, and when you open it, your eyes widen and a gasp slips past your lips when seeing Ross standing in front of you, “Oh my god, hi!”

He envelopes you in a hug that makes a knot tie in your throat, and the sound of his voice would have pushed a sob out of you if it wasn’t for a correction that hit you like a gut punch, “Missed you so much swee– Y/N/N.”

The both of you tense in each other’s hold, impossible not to have missed the awkward correction. Your brows furrow as you look over his shoulder, not wanting to look at his face just yet because your confusion is clear on your face, but you try your best to sound unnerved when you reciprocate, “Yeah. Missed you too.”

A half smile is what you offer him when you pull back, and when he gives you a grin of his, you just want to scream seeing the dimples on his cheek after so long.

Yet, you can’t let yourself enjoy his presence fully when he walks into your house and he greets your parents, because all that you’re thinking about is why on Earth he could’ve stopped himself from calling you a pet name he’s used for you for years.

Your chest hurts already, thinking about a loss that you have no idea the reasoning behind. Little did you know, you would be mourning more losses with the days to come.

In the kitchen, your parents, Ross and yourself are all chatting and catching up over cups of hot chocolate. There’s laughter and smiles, loads of news about what’s been going on in Wilmslow while you’ve been gone, many more stories of the lads and another name the band had acquired.

Soon enough, your mum and dad leave to finish wrapping presents and leave you and Ross to catch up alone.

He’s helping you make cookies, the same ones you had made 5 years ago to thank him for the potatoes. And you can’t help but smile at the memories the two of you have made over the years during the Christmas season, heat creeping up your neck when remembering what had happened merely one year ago.

But you can’t relish too much on the ghostly feeling of his lips on yours because suddenly, he clears his throat and shyly starts talking about something he has been hiding from you for a bit.

“I, erm, met this girl in uni,” he trails off with a soft voice that makes you freeze in your spot. “She’s teaching history, like I do. She’s much smarter than I am, though.”

Ross laughs, that dimpled smile breaking on his now flushed face. All you can do to hide your surprise is chuckle along, breathy and not at all genuine.

And it seems like he takes your giggles as a seal of approval for he lets every thought about this mysterious girl out.

Her name is Katie and she’s the same age as you and Ross. They met the first day of classes when Ross was so confused about where he had been told to go, his inability to take his eyes off the papers in his hand had caused him to crash into her and, after gathering each other’s things which had fallen everywhere on the hall, they chatted enough to know they were both lost on their first day as teachers and they had been inseparable since then.

She has a brilliant memory and is an amazing teacher. Everyone adores her and Ross is still surprised she chooses to hang out with him most of the time. She’s pretty, gorgeous even from what you can see on her myspace page Ross shows you. She loves LCD Soundsystem and The Streets so she’s basically perfect. Added to the fact that she plays the guitar, and of course is quite good at skateboarding.

The bitter feeling rising up your throat burns a hole in your chest, like acid burning through your skin and bones.

“Can we change topics? Please?” You snap out, smacking your hands on the kitchen counter. “Not in the mood to hear about how perfect this girl is. I’m sure I’ll see how fucking wonderful she is when I have to meet her.”

A loud sigh follows your sudden outburst, and then silence falls. Each second hurts, the silence is far too loud and then dread falls on you, a heavy weight on your shoulders that makes you slump forward.

“Right,” he says to pierce through the agonising silence.

You want to disappear right then and there. It’s unfair of you to shut him up like that when you’ve been gone for months and you barely have had the time to chat properly on the phone. It’s unfair of you to not listen to him talk about a topic that clearly has him excited, someone who has him foolishly smiling and rambling.

But maybe it is that. That you are back after the most horrible months you’ve been through and all he can talk about is this gorgeous perfect girl that claims his every thought.

You’re annoyed she’s pushed you away to a corner of his mind. Annoyed that whilst you were crying your eyes out every fucking day, he’s been getting closer to this girl.

It’s odd because it isn’t like Ross hadn’t had girlfriends before. You have witnessed him with girlfriends since you met him.

But there was an end to that and it was when you first kissed on Christmas day a year ago. Ever since that day, your dynamic had shifted and you had been perhaps flirting a bit more, but it never went further than that. But he also didn’t get a girlfriend after that and maybe, despite having to leave for university, you had held out hope that it would stay that way.

How foolish of you.

Cookies are finished and put on the oven in deafening silence, a very awkward one that makes you want to crawl out of your skin.

You can breathe again when he leaves as soon as your parents come back downstairs with more presents to place under the tree. He says something about going back home to get ready and making sure his parents don’t come over late before he closes the door behind himself.

Suddenly, the prospect of having Christmas dinner with the MacDonald family is suffocating and you want to be able to hide in your room and avoid it entirely, but you can’t.

Not when Ross’ mum and dad envelope you in the tightest hugs and tell you how much they’ve missed having you around. You have to bite your tongue not to start crying, especially when you see Ross standing behind them over their shoulders with a forced smile that reminds you how badly you had fucked up earlier.

You’re incredibly grateful for the fact that your parents take over the conversation aspect of dinner, because Ross barely looks at you or speaks to you all throughout it. It only saddens you more, a bit of anger brewing inside you too.

It’s too tense to enjoy, too awkward to even feel a hint of the warmth Christmas day often brings you.

When dinner is over and your mum tells the both of you it’s time for your annual Christmas pictures, it becomes even more awkward—as if that was possible.

His arm falls over your shoulder like dead weight, his fingers don’t even hold you in place. So when you wrap your arm around his waist, you barely make an effort to hold him close to you. Your smiles are forced on your faces, no dimples biting at his cheeks, your lips almost look pressed together instead of showing a toothy grin to the camera like you’ve always done before.

Your mum sighs but takes a picture anyway. She has no idea why you two are acting this way but she doesn’t care, she just wants a cute picture. “Oh c’mon kids, where’s the kiss?”

A roll of your eyes is what your mum sees, and she’s about to scold you when you say in a forced amused tone, “Think we’re a bit too old for mistletoe kisses now, no?”

Silence again. Second after second of quietness that only makes the weight on your shoulders heavier.

It’s ironic how much heavier it feels when Ross lifts his arm off your shoulders and lets it fall limply on his side at the same time as he agrees, “We are.”

You take your arm off his waist instantly. You’re left standing awkwardly beside the other and despite your mum’s confusion, which is clear in her frown, she presses the shutter and the picture is taken and begins printing in a blink of an eye.

As soon as the whirring of the printing polaroid stops, you regret ever letting those words out of your mouth.

Because not only do you get a hasty hug from Ross when he and his parents leave your house, the next morning is accentuated by the lack of his presence.

No more ‘sweetheart’. No more pictures of kisses on cheeks under the mistletoe. No lazy Boxing day morning.

And, apparently, no walking to Matty’s together either.

You’ve been waiting for his call all day. First, to see if he was coming over to show each other your presents like you always do, but no call came through. And now, you’re three hours into waiting for him to call you and tell you to walk out so you can go to Matty’s together for the gift exchange.

No call comes and since you’ve been ready to go for a while and you don’t want to be late, you just rush downstairs and leave.

Walking down the roads you’ve missed so much, alone, is another wave of pain that you didn’t know you could feel just by the absence of someone. No one has ever meant this much to you before that the lack of their presence chips away at your heart, piece by piece.

When you get to the Healy residence, you get crushing hugs from everyone that’s already there. Except from Ross, of course, because he’s already there, splayed on a loveseat and he barely makes the effort to hug you hello.

As the inevitable catching up happens all over again, since you’re still waiting for the rest of your friend group to arrive, you have to hide the truth and put on a fake smile when talking about how university is going. But it’s hard when you have no new friends, and you’re struggling through most of your classes thanks to how homesick you feel.

Change is a nightmare to you and you’re reminded of how much things are changing at a quick pace when an hour goes by and no one else shows up.

Seems like no matter how vocal about the promise of always coming back Danielle had been, she and Sarah weren’t coming at all. Jodie shares a sad smile with you and puts away the gift bags from them, leaving only the ones for everyone who’s currently there.

The warmth you have been craving since you got there finally washes over you when everyone opens up their gifts. Laughter, cooing and many thank yous go around the living room, it gives you the hope that maybe it’s not been all ruined.

You’re looking forward to the New Year’s Eve party until George asks Ross if he’s asked Katie about it and the way Ross blushes is enough for everyone but you and Jodie to start a ruckus, teasing and making jokes about the girl and Ross.

“Yes, she’s coming over on the 31st…” Ross sighs, rubbing his flushed face to hide how flustered he’s gotten. But then he drops his hand and looks around the place, brows shooting up and eyes widening like he’s giving a warning, “You lot better play nice.”

However, it’s the way his eyes grow stern when they fall on you that you know he means it seriously when it comes to you.

So you take it seriously.

You know you’ve been the one to put this tension between you and it’s in your hands to right your wrongs, so you want to take this opportunity to apologise for your irrationality on the previous days.

You’ve mentally prepared, gone over what Ross told you the day you got home and recognised how great of a person Katie sounded like. It actually makes you smile when thinking she’s been such a good help for him to adjust to his new teaching gig, how she and Ross have gone through the novelty of it together; and convincing yourself that despite the horrendous feeling that clouds your insides, she’s been a good addition to Ross’ life.

But it doesn’t matter that you’ve reached those conclusions and that you’re actually gotten yourself excited enough to meet her, because when you get to Matty’s with two bottles of vodka and a pack of Ross’ favourite beer—an apology gift if you will—, Ross fully avoids you.

He gives you a tight lip smile and a nod of his head as a hello, he turns to Katie and says, “Katie, this is Y/N.”

You’re left trying to awkwardly act like the fact that Ross has left you with your arms open and awaiting a hug hasn’t hurt you, and you really try your best to push the ugly feeling aside when you smile at her and offer your hand out for her to shake.

“Nice to meet you, Katie. I’ve heard loads about you.”

She blushes and lets out the cutest giggle, and of course it’s that which finally makes Ross smile.

“Oh, really? That’s erm, good to hear.” She finally grabs your hand after giving Ross a side look to which he smirks. You really have to fight the scowl that wants to take over your face when she shakes your hand, “Nice to meet you too.”

He snakes an arm around her waist and you take that as a sign to get yourself away from the situation. Before you can say something you’ll regret even more, or even pick a fight with Ross for his indifference.

The need to call him out for it grows as the night continues, for he doesn’t even look at you. He keeps a straight face when you speak, doesn’t even look at you when you clearly throw a comment or ask a question to him, he doesn’t speak to you at all. And everyone fucking notices, the looks they keep sending your way are enough to know that they know something is wrong.

But you can’t explain, not right then at least. So you keep to yourself, pouring yourself drink after drink, and you start being petty and mirror his behaviour: you laugh louder to annoy him, messing about with George and Matty obnoxiously, ignoring any comment or joke he could make to the rest of the group.

You walk past the line of tipsy and start getting drunker and drunker when midnight gets closer. The memory of how it had been the previous year makes you glare at him. He has her almost sitting on his lap as she delicately takes sip after sip of her cup, and it enrages you that he’s drinking the beer you bought him when he hasn’t even thanked you for it!

How is it that you were kissing him a year ago and now you’re watching him being all lovey dovey with a girl he has just met?

It’s an understatement to say you’re fucking pissed by midnight. George has been laughing at your clumsiness for a while now, but he has joined you when you started drinking the vodka straight from the bottle instead of mixing it with fizzy lemonade like you had been all night.

When the countdown starts, you set the almost empty vodka bottle on the coffee table and start screaming along.

Matty is beside you and he grabs your shoulders and shakes you in excitement, making you laugh loudly, but you let yourself fall back so you’re resting over his chest and he rests his chin on your shoulder, counting down right in your ear.

It is the second everyone yells, “Happy New Year!” that you act before your brain can process and, suddenly, you’re kissing Matty.

He gasps when your lips meet and you lick into his mouth, but the curly haired brunette doesn’t pull back, instead he cups your face and tilts your head to put you in an angle where he can kiss you comfortably and he even moans into your mouth when your fingers tangle in his curls and pull on them.

The surprise of what’s happening is enough to make everyone gasp instead of wishing each other a happy new year, and soon whistles and ruckus drowns the room. Everyone but Ross participates in the disturbance. The bassist is biting his tongue as he sees you basically eating Matty’s face. His fingers tighten around Katie’s waist and she turns around to see him when she feels the change in his hold.

Ross forces a smile and Katie gasps, “I didn’t know they were a thing!”

“Me neither,” he manages out through his teeth.

It doesn’t matter that he’s doing a poor job at hiding what’s going through his head because Katie is more interested in seeing what happens next with you and Matty.

The feeling of tears rolling down your cheeks and tasting the saltiness in the kiss, makes Matty pull back. He hears you whine and you pucker up your lips to continue the kiss but Matty pulls back, clutching your face a bit tighter so you can open your eyes and look at him while he whispers, “Do you wanna leave Y/N/N?”

Matty knows you far better than you think and he knows that this kiss has no other meaning behind it other than the fact that you’re too drunk and he’s quite sure he knows why you have been so reckless with your drinking tonight. And, despite being drunk himself, he has to try and get a hold of his bearings and help you out.

You nod, embarrassed when another tear rolls down your cheek. When he wipes it with his thumb before anyone can see it, you whisper back, “Can we go up to your room? Can’t be here anymore.”

His curls bounce on his head when he nods and you’re grateful he holds you by your waist when you stand up and walk upstairs to his room.

“Y’alright?” Matty asks when he closes the door behind the two of you.

You wait until he sets you on the edge of his bed to answer, “No.”

He knows it’s all because of Ross, not only because of his behaviour tonight, but maybe because you felt some type of way for his best mate and now you were stuck in this situation. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not– Don’t apologise. This is just me being fucking stupid, expecting everything to be the same when I came back home.” The despair is clear in your voice and he kneels in front of you when you let your head hang for the tears can’t be stopped anymore. You shake your head as you think about all that you have felt for months and how, after tonight, the feelings that have flooded your system are just the same, “But I’m so sad, Matty. I’m so lonely.”

It breaks his heart to hear you like this, when your shoulders shake as you silently sob, he squeezes your thighs to make you look into his eyes when he says, “You’ve got us. Always.”

Another shake of your head breaks his heart, your words not helping at all when you say, “Not back there. I wish I did.”

Matty knows it is not the moment to ask about it, but he will ask how you truly are doing in London afterwards. For now, he brushes your hair behind your ears and asks, “Do you want me to stay?”

“Please?” Your voice breaks when you add, “I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

He quickly stands on his feet and crushes you in a hug, “I’m right here, darling. I’ve got you.”

Matty stays with you for a while, and Ross sees red when another ten minutes go by and neither of you come back downstairs. He grabs Katie’s hand and convinces her to leave, and the girl of course accepts because despite really having enjoyed herself, she would rather have Ross all to herself.

Ross stomps his way back home with Katie in hand. He’s fucking fuming at both you and Matty, because of course you would act all childishly when finding out he has met a girl and has been taling to her, and use one of his best mates to get back at him.

He shakes his head and huffs angrily, deciding right then and there that he’s done with your behaviour. And he ignores the feeling that burns his insides at the thought of you and Matty together on a night like this. He chooses to focus on Katie, sweet Katie who’s giggling and sharing her favourite things about tonight.

Stopping in the middle of the road, he wraps an arm around Katie’s waist and presses her flush against his chest, brings a hand up to her face and kisses her passionately.

He shuts his eyes tightly and tries his best not to compare this kiss to the one you had shared a year ago, willing himself to have Katie be all he thinks about from now on.

Even when you come knocking on his door two days later.

A soft smile is on your face when he opens the door and you greet him with a quiet, “Hey.”

“Hi.”

He sounds and looks wary, like he’s trying not to say too much either with his words or his facial expressions.

You sigh, fiddling with your fingers as you let him know, “Erm… I’m going back.”

He frowns, “Already?”

You know it’s odd, it’s the middle of the week and classes don’t start again until Monday so there’s no reason for you to leave in such a hurry, but you just can’t stay here when everything is like this. You had wanted to come back home to spend your time with him, not ruining your friendship in the worst possible way and now, all you wanted to do was run away before you could get yet another chance to fuck things up even more.

“Yeah. Gotta go back.”

“Did you have fun?” Ross asks with a tone in his voice that makes you freeze in your spot.

It feels like it’s a trick question but you can’t really think about why. Mainly because you can’t remember much about the party other than how awful Ross had acted with you, but you don’t want to give him the pleasure of knowing he had been the reason for the way you had drank.

So you try to smile even brighter now, nodding as you reply, “I did. It was really fun.” It hadn’t really, because not only had you been feeling so awful because of him, you had woken up with the worst fucking hangover of your life. Matty had been lovely and helped you until you felt well enough for him to take you back home, but you were still feeling the effects of such a horrible night.

You made a joke of it, very nonchalantly adding, “Still feeling a little rough but it’s alright.”

But since you have no clue of what Ross thinks happened, your words make his stomach churn and he scoffs humourlessly, “Right. Well, I’ll see you next year then.”

The way he says it makes you feel like instead of saying goodbye like you had come over with the intention of doing, he’s pushing you away with a halfhearted farewell to just get it over with.

You nod, biting the inside of your cheek as you try not to cry, and with a small voice you agree, “Yes. You will.”

“Good,” Ross says, though he isn’t sure if he means it or not.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Katie and Ross had gotten together officially on Valentine’s day of 2008, or so you saw back then when she posted it on Facebook—after Matty had begged you to make yourself a profile on the new social media page, the lads had sent you friend requests and along with them came Katie and a bunch of people from school you had barely ever spoken to.

The biggest change since you left Wilmslow at the very start of the year has been that you barely ever speak to Ross, either through the phone or through messages on Facebook. You had called him on his birthday to congratulate him and so he had done the same when yours approached.

Matty has been the one to take his place, even if it has been in a way different way than what Ross ever was to you. You’re still so incredibly grateful for Matty, he’s the one to help you on your worst days and is a great person to vent to when you couldn’t keep everything to yourself any longer.

With someone there to be entirely transparent to, hearing you and helping you through your struggles, university got the tiniest bit easier.

And though it still wasn’t the greatest thing ever, you were scared of leaving your dorm to take a coach back home for the holidays with how everything had turned out the year before.

So you’re more anxious than excited when you sit by the window and open a book you’ve brought to keep you distracted from your thoughts on the long drive up to Manchester.

It’s futile, for you have to read each paragraph twice and you barely have gotten halfway through the book with how distracted you’ve gotten by your own mind throughout the ride home. Any other day, six hours would be enough for you to finish a three hundred and something pages long book, but not today.

Your dad greets you with the biggest hug at the airport station and once you get inside his car, it feels real enough that you can’t stay still. Not even when you get home and go upstairs to your room after hugging your mum hello.

You’re pacing around your room, sitting on the edge of your bed for a handful of seconds only to spring back up and start pacing again. A vicious cycle that continues for far longer than you would like to admit, until the loud knocking on your front door startles you out of your trance and poses a good excuse to do something.

“I got it!” You yell out to your mum who’s making hot chocolate in the kitchen, and you hum when she thanks you.

When you open the door, Ross greets you with a loud, “Hi!” and a toothy smile that you haven’t seen in ages.

Through the shock, you manage to say, “Oh hi!”

And you become even more shocked when he goes straight to the point, “Heard you’d finally arrived so I thought I’d come by and ask you if you wanted to come over later? You know, to catch up, maybe watch a film and have some hot chocolate…”

“Oh? Yeah, sure. That sounds good,” you somehow manage, but you’re sure your wide eyes and your parted mouth is enough for him to know you’re surprised.

“Brilliant,” he smiles easily and asks just to be sure, “Around six?”

You nod, swallowing hard before answering, “Sure. I’ll be there.”

“Great. I’ll see you then.”

In all honesty, you thought he hated you. With everything that happened a year ago, most of it all being your own fault, you expected to not see him until Boxing day at Matty’s when you were due to exchange gifts, but here he is inviting you over to have a day to yourselves like you used to back in the day.

There’s a spark of hope that brings tears to your eyes. Maybe you haven’t lost him just yet and you couldn’t be happier about it.

Your parents see the change in your demeanour when you come into the kitchen with the brightest smile and let them know you’ll be going to Ross’ house around six to hang out. They truly couldn’t be happier because they had always loved the friendship the two of you shared, and your mum had been highly suspicious about your lack of Ross talk ever since last Christmas.

But you had cheered way too early for when you knock on Ross’ door and he lets you in, you’re met with a smiling Katie in the middle of the living room waving you over.

The shock leaves you frozen in your spot and Ross watches as Katie’s smile falters when she asks if you’re alright. Ross doesn’t even have to see your face to see how tense you are and the tone in your voice when you say, “Yes! I’m fine. Sorry. It’s so good to see you again.” is enough for him to know this is gonna cost you some effort.

You take one of the settees while Katie takes her place on the loveseat across from you and Ross is off to the kitchen to bring the mugs of hot chocolate he had promised.

When he’s back, you and Katie are exchanging some lighthearted small talk. He hands you a mug and hopes that with his presence there, he can help you and Katie to get to know each other better. After all, he still considered you one of his best friends and Katie had now been his girlfriend for ten months, so it’s well overdue to have you and Katie properly getting along.

But it seems like that isn’t happening any time soon. You’re trying your best not to be awkward, to be nice and find interest in everything she’s saying but Ross knows you so well, anger starts boiling his blood when he sees how much you’re forcing it all.

It doesn’t sit well with him how you can’t even hack simple conversation with his girlfriend, and despite a voice inside his head pointing out that you really are trying, he can’t help but become more and more infuriated by the lack of sincerity of your words and behaviour.

The last nail in the coffin is when you cut short one of Katie’s stories about one of her and Ross’ dates and say that you’re sorry but you need to head back home. And, even when Katie points out it’s just a quarter to ten, you hold your ground and continue saying you really needed to go.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with you,” Ross says once he’s shut the door behind him as he walks you out.

You turn around to see him rubbing his face in exhaustion, “Excuse me?”

He groans, exasperated, “Can you just, for once, not be a bitch to her?”

Your mouth opens agape at his choice of words and you struggle to find your words, “What? How am I–”

“You are! You know damn well you are!” He interrupts with fury, “I thought it had just been bad last year ‘cause it was your first time coming back home for the holidays and it was a bit of an intrusion to have her join our friend group, but now? There’s no excuse for how fucking fake you’re being to her.”

Like a fish out of water, your mouth opens and closes as you try to find what to say, “Ross, I–”

It isn’t good enough for him and he interrupts, “No, I don’t wanna hear it.”

He can see the tears welling up your eyes and he has to stop himself from rolling his, “You either treat her like a decent human being or–,” he trails off as he thinks. It is then that he looks at you sternly and spits out with venom laced through his words, “Or maybe, you know what? You should just leave. Go back to London.”

Words could never describe that pain that ripples through your body when he says that, you can barely say with a broken voice, “If that’s what you want.”

And not even the fact that you’re about to sob stops him from being so harsh on you. He nods, “I do. It’s for the best of everyone here that you just go.”

“Okay,” you whisper before turning on your heels and walking quickly down the road, rushing to go into your house.

Your mum and dad see the desperation with which you open the door and slam it shut behind you, and they barely catch the tears running down your cheeks when you run upstairs and lock yourself in your room.

Toeing off your shoes, you walk up to your window and shut the curtains, to then turn off your lights and in utter darkness, you shed yourself of your clothes and put on your pyjamas before hiding yourself under your sheets and starting to sob.

Your chest hurts with every cry that you try to smother by pressing your face into your pillow, and it is right then that you know you won’t be able to stay for long. You will unfortunately give Ross the pleasure of listening to his words and go back to London, but not before actually having Christmas dinner with your family and giving everyone their Christmas gifts on Boxing day. You would endure only two more days and then you would be gone. Spending New Years alone in your dorm didn’t sound as depressing as spending it here where you didn’t feel welcome anymore, not with Ross right there.

Before Christmas dinner, your mum sends you over with a big gingerbread cake for the MacDonalds; since they aren’t coming over for dinner that year, as Katie was spending it with Ross and his parents, the tradition of sending over treats has come alive again.

You’re so grateful that it is his mum to open the door, not feeling strong enough to see his face again. But it’s extremely hard for you not to let your tears spill down the corners of your eyes when she invites you inside to share the treat with everyone. You politely decline and instead make her laugh when you have her promise to let you know how she finds the cake.

Throughout the whole of Christmas dinner with your parents, your mind is gone somewhere else. You barely touch your food and can’t really keep track of the conversation they try to lure you into. After dinner is over and you’ve put the dirty dishes on the dishwasher, you manage to focus enough to appreciate the gifts your parents got for you and to relish in the reactions to the gifts you got them.

Unfortunately, as you go on Facebook to wish Matty, George and Adam a merry Christmas, you catch a glimpse of a picture Ross has uploaded only a few hours ago, and it’s needless to say that your heart breaks in a billion pieces and you sob yourself to sleep like a fool.

How could you not when he’s posted a picture of Katie and him kissing under the mistletoe, reminding you of a tradition that’s now long gone, along with your friendship it seems.

And when you wake up and spend the entire morning of Boxing day alone, falling in and out of sleep, you’re reminded of yet another tradition you used to share that is far gone and adds to your heartache.

Your anguish makes you lose track of time and your appetite, and apparently your rationality as well because you spend hours making a pros and cons list in your mind about showing up to Matty’s before you realise you should just go and give everyone the presents you had already spent your money on. You’re leaving anyway and it would be far better if you just didn’t have all those gifts to look back to and remind you just how everything has turned out this year.

Plus, you had made a promise to keep coming back to see them every year and, after Sarah and Danielle had broken that promise the very first chance it had been time to prove it, you didn’t want to follow their steps.

However, since you’ve wasted all day trying to make that decision, you’re definitely late to the gift exchange.

By the time you get there, you look like an utter mess from how quickly you had gotten ready and how fast you had walked over there, but everyone greets you with sweet smiles and warm hugs.

Everyone but Ross. Yet again. Even Katie envelopes you in a tight hug that you reciprocate, but Ross merely pats your back when you swing an arm around his shoulder to hug him.

You sigh and try brushing it off as you sit beside Matty, who wastes no time to hug you into him and ask if you were alright. Nodding, you assure him wordlessly you were but your eyes say you’re going to talk to him about it later and he nods in understanding.

“Are we gonna start now, then, or what?” Ross says grumpily. He had been the one annoyed at your impunctuality, pushing everyone to just get on with it and not wait for you anymore.

No one will tell you this because it just wouldn’t help at all.

Everyone in the room can see that things between you and Ross are somehow worse than last year, even Katie can tell and it confuses her a lot, because all had been fine when you had come over on Christmas Eve and the three of you had spent the evening together.

Katie doesn’t even know if she should ask. In all honesty, she doesn’t know how to even ask or if she should ask you or Ross or both.

But she puts the matter to the side when you all start exchanging gifts—knowing that Katie was joining this year, everyone has gotten her gifts as well so the girl truly feels like a part of the group—and it is a nice distraction from the clear tension in the room when everyone gets to open their presents.

When Ross thanks you last for what you’ve gotten him with the meekest tone, you have to really force a smile to say, “You’re welcome.” But everyone can see just how much of an effort it is for you to sound nonchalant about it.

Matty is about to snap out at Ross for being an absolute twat when you stand up after gathering all of your gift bags and announce, “Well, I unfortunately gotta go now boys.”

George frowns, “What? Why?”

“It’s barely eight, Y/N,” Adam reminds you softly.

The shake of your head confuses them more and so do your words, “I mean go back to London. I can’t stay longer this year.”

Matty is the one who’s more vocal about his confusion, his words clearly a brutal inquiry as to your reasoning since he knows how much you’d rather be anywhere else but in uni, “Why? Where are you spending New Years? In your dorm?”

“Yeah, it’s just,” you trail off when you can’t really find something to say. Your eyes shift to look at Ross, the reason for your early goodbye, and the second your eyes lock on his, he averts his gaze like he has nothing to do with this. You sigh and excuse, “Something came up, and I really gotta go.”

No one buys it, but they still hug you the tightest they can before bidding you farewell.

“Hope you have the best time on New Year’s Eve. Happy New Year you lot!” You call out as you walk to the front door, “Love yous!”

Alone and in a silence that sickens you, you walk back home.

When you get there, you can’t stop the tears that slide down your cheeks when you tell your parents you’re going back early and you don’t even let your dad offer himself to drive you to the station for you swear you’ve got a ride and it’s all fine.

They want to ask what’s wrong but they don’t when they see the fact that you don’t want to talk about it written on your face. So they leave you to go upstairs and into your room to pack your things up as you silently cry over how poorly it has all gone.

This is the second year you feel like Ross is slipping away from your grasp, and it has you desperate but the only person you have to blame is yourself, for feeling that stupid ownership over him when he isn’t yours, when he has never been yours.

You should be mature enough to keep his friendship, not ruin it because you’re jealous and you feel alone. You should be happy he’s found someone to appreciate him for who he is, to give him the love he deserves when you are gone.

The feeling of disappointment in yourself haunts you as you walk down the stairs and hug your parents goodbye. And that feeling slaps you in the face like the cold winds of December, when you open the door and walk out to Ross waiting there.

He doesn’t say anything though, not when you gasp at his presence, not when you walk up to him and stand right beside him as you wait for the taxi you had phoned to pick you up.

You’re there staring ahead, wishing he was as selfish and horrible as yourself, wishing he would just beg you to stay and say he’d leave his girlfriend behind so you could take her place.

But Ross isn’t selfish nor a bad person like you are. He just stands there in silence and lets his presence be company and goodbye enough for you to settle before you’re gone again.

He offers you a cigarette that you take gracefully, and he lights it up for you without needing to hear you ask for it. The two of you stand there, side by side, smoking together in utter silence.

Your taxi gets there shortly after and he silently watches you put your case in the boot of the car before you throw the cigarette onto the pavement and stomp on it. You open the back door and take one last look at him before getting inside the vehicle.

Not a wave nor a goodbye, much less a hug. Nothing but silence is what he offers as you go.

It isn’t until you get further and further away, disappearing in the distance and becoming smaller as you drive away in the back of that taxi that his gaze drops to the pavement to watch the bud of the cigarette crushed, and it is then that Ross realises he hadn’t heard you cough, not even once, and he frowns to himself.

He really doesn’t know you anymore and he can’t help but wonder if that is for the better.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: Part 2 is coming to you in exactly a week so don't yell at me just yet please!!! I promise I'll make it up to you. Let me know what you thought and what you hope happens next! It seems a bit cruel to wish you a merry Christmas after this but I really do hope yous all have a lovely Christmas! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @kennedy-brooke @abiiors @everythinggetsfuzzy103 @on-administrative-leave @ughgoaway @harryssiren @2kwreck @obses-sedd @scarlett-grace-2 @taylorswiftsrep-blog @solitariodecartas @cherryofmydesire @momentum2023 @soggynoodles02 (i wasn't sure who wanted to be tagged or not so send me a message if you wanna be off the taglist for this story)

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gyumibear · 5 months

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⌞BLUE SPRING⌝ — PROLOGUE: Incorrigible Song Mingi

SYNOPSIS — In which you, an upcoming idol, are saved from a dangerous encounter by Song Mingi, a jaded, third-year delinquent who falls for you in more ways than one. However, both of your responsibilities constantly tear you apart. Years later, you reunite. Are the sparks still there or was your love only meant for that one spring?

WARNINGS — Heavy swearing, Mentions of Fighting, Mentions of Death, Insulting, Intimidation, Mingi is RUDE. (Let me know if I miss a warning.)

WC — 1.3k

"Song Mingi, you're incorrigible! You'll never be anything if you keep this behavior up! What would your parents think if they knew about this?" The Headmaster had sneered, his beady eyes glaring into Mingi's own.

The comment about his parents had nearly made him ready to leap from his chair. How would the Headmaster react if Mingi had shown him what his parents thought? What then asshole? Mingi thought bitterly, finally tuning out of the conversation as the older man kept ranting on and on. What type of educational system allowed their administration to berate their students? Even if Mingi wasn't the best student, actually one of the worst, he still didn't deserve that type of harshness.

"You're lucky you're even still attending this school!" Mingi lowered his head, patience running out faster by the moment. He needed to get out of here and fast. Before someone got their feelings (and more) hurt. "We put up with this your second year, but seriously! You're nearly at the finish line and you're acting this way? What is the matter with you?" What was the matter? Mingi wasn't even sure himself. He'd been this way ever since... Since...

"Hey! Are you even listening to me, Song Mingi?" Oh right, he's still in the Headmaster's office. He nodded his head noncommittally, taking a moment to pretend like he actually gave half a crap about what the man was saying. Of course, he didn't. Mingi'd heard all this stuff before from many people before him. Employers, teachers, and even his friends and family had given up on him. "You're on your last straw, young man. Keep this up and you'll be here til you're legally unable to be, you hear me?"

Mingi's eyebrows shot up to the top of his head. Now this he actually did care about. Being stuck here was another level to his already perfectly crafted hell of a life. If he knew anything, he knew he was graduating this year. Damn sure.

"Yes, sir. I hear you perfectly clear." He lied through his teeth, feigning remorse like he'd done for the past two years. "I'm sorry about all this... I'm really trying to clean up my act, but it's hard for me... You can understand that, can't you?"

The Headmaster stared him down, scanning his face to try and find a crack in his facade. However, because of Mingi's years of playing pretend, he couldn't. A satisfied smile slipped onto the man's face and Mingi had to hold back one of his own. Got his ass. Mingi thought. Another successful trip to the Headmaster's office. After this, he'd deserve an award or something.

"Yes, I can. However, Song Mingi, I cannot possibly let you get away with this scot-free." Shit. "You'll be serving two weeks detention with me personally after school every day, starting tomorrow. Understood?"

"Yes sir." Fuck him.

⚘

Mingi checked his phone, leaving the school grounds as quickly as humanly possible. Of course, he had messages from clients. He made a note to text them later. A message from his landlord asking for this month's rent. He'll text her tomorrow. He was ready to stuff his phone back into his jeans but then noticed a specific combination of words lying in his unread messages. Do Not Reply #6. Shit. He only texted him outside of the group chat when he was really pissed.

Mingi read the messages, mood dropping lower than it already was. Great. Now Hongjoong was on the lookout for him. Mingi looked up into the overcast sky, wondering what God he had to make peace with to end his suffering. At least he'll kill me quickly. Mingi thought before remembering exactly who he was dealing with. The last thing Hongjoong'd do was make it quick. Mingi let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, before turning on his heel and walking the opposite way of where he knew Hongjoong and the others would be waiting. Nope, I'm dying on my own terms.

He found himself walking inside the closest convenience store. Why his feet had carried him here? No clue. He had food at home. The register attendant turned to offer a greeting, but at first sight, Mingi's intimidating aura led her to murmur with her head lowered. He walked past her briskly anyway, not intending to speak in the first place. He cut a corner, turning to the right and immediately clashing bodies with another person. That person, on dropping their things, immediately swore.

"Shit!" Off voice alone, Mingi realized he'd bumped into a girl, had dropped to the ground, scooping up her items. "My bad! I wasn't looking."

Mingi, though usually mild-mannered to strangers, was having a bad day so instead of letting it go like he'd do normally, just stared down at the girl until she looked up. When she did, Mingi was almost taken aback by how pretty she was. Didn't make his day any better though so he spat out the words "Clearly. Watch yourself next time."

The girl's apologetic face instantly turned to one of annoyance. "Woah. It was an accident and I apologized. No need to act that way." She stood up, items collected in her arms, and gave Mingi a hard glare. Almost as hard as Hongjoong's. "Talking to people like that isn't gonna make you feel better about whatever you have going on, you know? Costs zero dollars to not be an ass."

Mingi opened his mouth to retort, but she strode past him. Mingi let out a noise of frustration at the entire interaction, spinning on his heel and storming out of the store. While doing that, he passed the attendant and the girl who both glanced at him with unease and annoyance respectively. Fuck everybody! He almost wanted to shout. Today was not one of his best days.

"You trying to run from me, Mingi?" The blond male nearly jumped out of his pants at the voice that came from nowhere. Mingi's head whipped to the left, heart racing from shock at the appearance of the oreo-haired someone who was royally pissed with him. Kim Hongjoong rested against the wall of the store, arms crossed. Fellow ATZ members Jung Wooyoung, Choi San, and Choi Jongho were present as well, looking grim. Well, not Wooyoung. He had a knowing grin on his face. Bastard.

"I'm not," Mingi responded, trying to not die on the spot. "I was on my way."

"Funny~" Hongjoong smiled lightly, "Wooyoung watched you walk here."

Mingi's eyes flickered over to Wooyoung's, the younger male looking quite pleased with himself. Of course. Wooyoung was the gang's eyes. Mingi could never get away with anything simply because of Wooyoung's existence. He didn't even know what he did to make the guy hate him as much as he had to. Hongjoong cleared his throat.

"So." He looked back to his leader's eyes. "Care to explain?"

If Mingi could die on the spot, he would've. He knew whatever he said right now wasn't going to save his ass. Hongjoong was already in a mood. Mingi looked at the rest of the gang, locking eyes with San. San pursed his lips, looking sympathetic, but averted his eyes soon after. Then Mingi darted his eyes to Jongho, the youngest of them. Jongho had an unreadable expression on his face. Probably feeling pity for him. Mingi looked back at Wooyoung then, and like a brat, Wooyoung quickly stuck his tongue out. Bastard!

Hongjoong cleared his throat once more, the silence was deadly. Mingi swallowed his spit and prepared to talk. I'm going to hate myself for this, but I'm already done for. Mingi made a decision in his mind. Then, he turned on his heel and booked it. He could hear Hongjoong's enraged scream of his name but didn't dare to look back.

Yep, you're incorrigible Song Mingi.

← TO MASTERLIST | TO NEXT →

NOTE — Just as a note: if you see a “WC” on a chapter, know that there’s a written section! <3 Now for this chapter’s Fun Fact: Mingi has gotten expelled from 2 schools before this one and in the same year!!

BLUE SPRING TAGLIST: OPEN! send a reply or ask to be added! if bold, you could not be tagged! — @ad0rechuu @run2seob @xynokia @hearttakesworld @scarfac3 @gvnwks @asherthehimbo

#k-labels #kflixnet #kbookshelf #kpop smau #mingi x reader #mingi smau #ateez smau #ateez x reader #mingi social media au #song mingi x reader #song mingi smau #mingi fic #ateez texts #ateez masterlist #kpop x black reader

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emilymaxximoff · 1 year

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Souls Don't Meet on Accident; Rafe Cameron X Fem!Reader; Part 3

CW: Language, Light Drinking, Smut, Oral Sex, Fingering, Penetrative Sex, Unprotected Sex, MDNI 18+

Description: Life sucks lately and your boyfriend Rafe Cameron has done some pretty messed up things. Despite this you still love him and will do anything to help him. As his life continues to crumble you prove that despite all the shit you have to go through, sometimes people are just meant to find each other.

Word Count: 2365

A/N: Listen....... I tried my best. I have never written smut before and it has been a hot second since I have written in general so please for the love of god take it easy on me. I also realized it has been 2 weeks since I posted the last part so this is long overdue. I do like a lot of this one though so it's definitely crucial to the story. If all else fails read like the last paragraph. I did not want to read the smut back so I did not edit this but at this point are we surprised at that lol. Ok that's enough. Love you guys! If you like it feel free to comment and reblog as well!

Part 1 Part 2

The warm light of the fire illuminated your face and you smiled at your friends. The warmth of the fire cut through the chill of the night and a light breeze blew across your face. It had been so long since things had felt this good. Everything just felt right. John B sat with his arm wrapped around Sarah and her head was nuzzled into his chest, trying to hide her cheesy smile at Pope's almost incoherent joke. Pope and Kie sat affectionately close and laughed at Sarah's desperate attempt to hold it together. JJ came up behind you with another beer and sat down next to you.

It was moments like these that made the world feel in balance again. there was nothing to worry about, no reason to be upset. It was true serenity to you.

"I'm surprised you made it." JJ said as he kicked his feet up on the extra logs for the fire.

"So happy to see you too J." you laughed, punching JJ lightly on the arm.

He laughed and responded, "Hey it's not that I'm not happy to see you but I'm surprised you were able to get away from that needy asshole."

"Not funny J." you glared.

"Sorry Y/N. I just can't fathom how he earned even a morsel of your affection. You're too good for him."

"Cut it out JJ. I know it's hard for you guys to understand. I can't explain it but I care about him so just shut up about it. Can we just have a good night? Please?"

You looked at JJ with pleading eyes and his expression immediately softened. JJ sighed and pushed his bleach blonde hair back out of his face.

"I'm sorry. I just don't want you to get hurt." he paused and took a swig of beer before looking back at you. "I really am trying to look out for you."

"I know J but you need to let it go."

"I will, eventually...... Why is Kie's leg draped over Pope's?"

You looked at him and grinned wide. You held back laughter as your friends tipsy actions revealed the secret crush they had on each other. JJ also tried to contain his laughter as he gave you wide eyes in confusion.

"Damn J. You're gonna be the only one alone. Looks like Mr. Player can't pull like he says."

"Oh shut the fuck up. I pull so many bitches and you know it."

You both erupted into laughter causing everyone to look at you. You looked at each other to try to calm down but it only made you laugh harder.

The rest of the night went smoothly as you all sat around the fire and drank beers. As the fire began to die down, running out of fire wood, you knew the peace and serenity of the night would soon come to an end. As you all began to walk up to John B's house you heard your phone go off.

Rafe: Hey baby when are you getting home tonight?

Y/N: I was gonna stay at John B's I'm a little tipsy so I didn't wanna risk driving.

Rafe: Can I come pick you up? I wanna see you tonight.

Y/N: Sure. Is everything ok?

Rafe: Yeah. Be there in 15.

You put your phone back in your pocket and ran to catch up with the group. You anxiously stared at the clock, counting down the minutes until Rafe would come to get you. So many thoughts raced in your mind as you prayed that Rafe was ok and his dad had not lashed out.

You heard the tires of Rafe's truck pull up on the rough gravel of the drive and you bolted out of your seat.

"What's the rush for Y/N?" Pope asked, giving you a confused look.

"Rafe wanted to pick me up so he's here I'm gonna go before he has to come in. I don't want issues." you quickly grabbed your bag off the table and turned to Sarah before you prepared to make a break for the door. "Are you going back to your house or staying here Sarah?"

"I'm staying here Y/N unless you need me. Is he ok?"

"I don't know but I'll be good by myself."

With that statement you ran out the door to go meet Rafe. Your anxiety melted away when you saw Rafe's beaming grin as he leaned against his truck. He started jogging towards you as he held out his arms for you to fall into. You picked your pace up into a jog and met him for a hug. He gently lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist as he swayed back and forth. He took one hand off your waist to pull your face into his, crashing his lips against yours.

You unwrapped your legs and Rafe gently set you back on the ground, still attaching his lips from yours. You tried to gently pull away but Rafe leaned forward and placed more kisses on your soft lips. You laughed and put your hand on his chest, looking up at him and smiling.

"Someone's in a good mood." you giggled. "I'm guessing that dinner went well."

"It went amazing. I really feel like I had it together and guess what my dad said." he beamed at you.

"What?"

"He said he was proud of me."

"Oh my god! Rafe that's amazing! I'm so happy for you." you said giving him another deep kiss.

Rafe turned and held your hand, leading you towards his truck. He opened the passenger door and helped boost you into the seat. Before he closed the door he turned back to you.

"Y/N, my dad told me you set this up. Thank you."

"Anytime, love."

You smiled back at him as he closed the door and jumped in on the driver side. He put his hand on your thigh and started back to the Cameron residence.

---------

The second you stepped out of Rafe's truck, his hands were all over you. Rafe slammed you against the door and crashed his lips in to yours, putting one hand against the car door next to you head and the other on your ass, giving it a rough squeeze. You moved your hands to grip the back of his neck and lace your fingers through his hair. He pushed you into the car harder and could feel is erection, pushing through his dress pants. You moaned quietly in his mouth as you felt his hard on push into the soft skin of your stomach.

"Why don't we take this inside baby? I don't want anyone to accidentally hear those pretty moans of yours. They're mine." Rafe said roughly against your lips.

You looked up at him and licked your lips, nodding your head. You could help but bite your lip has he dragged you towards the house. Thankfully you found no one on the way to Rafe's room and the moment the door was closed, you were both all over each other once again. Rafe lifted the hem of your shirt, urging for it to come off and you more than willingly obliged, lifting your arms for him to take it off before he quickly unbuttoned his dress shirt and threw it off his shoulders. His lips moved down off your lips and onto your neck. He found your pulse and bit it gently before moving down to your breasts as he unclipped your bra and exposed you to him. He left light purple marks all the way down and his hands moved congruently down to unbutton your shorts.

Rafe's fingers slipped down inside your panties and used his middle finger to slip in between your folds. "So wet baby." he cursed.

You moaned louder than you intended to when he massaged your clit in circular motions before he slipped his long finger inside you.

"Mmh... Rafe." you sighed, basking in all the pleasure he caused with such little effort.

"Yeah, baby. Moan for me." Rafe whispered gruffly in your ear as he slipped a second finger in you and pumped them in and out of your cunt.

"Fuck...." you choked out. It was embarrassing how much of an effect he had on you and he fucking knew it too but it was your turn to have an effect on him.

You grabbed Rafe's wrist, stopping his motions. He looked at you, confused but it was soon replaced with lust when he saw you looking up at him with your doe eyes. You removed his hand from your pants and brought it up to your mouth and sucked his finger clean of your wetness.

"Fuck Y/N. You're gonna make me cum in my pants." Rafe moaned.

You smiled and took his hand to lead him to his large bed so you could sit him on the edge. His eyes widened as he watched you fall to your knees in front of him and start to slowly unzip his pants. Your eyes widened as you saw the tent created by his hard cock and the thin material and you started to rub him through the thin material.

"Fuck Y/N, please." Rafe moaned loudly, reveling in the friction you caused but wishing there wasn't the material between your hand and his cock.

"Rafe baby, look at me." You said looking up with wide eyes as you bit your lip.

"What baby? What's wrong?" Rafe panted. He groaned when he saw how pretty you looked looking up at him.

"I'm so proud of you today. I also know you had a good day. Let me make it even better baby. Please?" You said giving him a seductive smirk.

"Fuck yes Y/N. Please, please, please." he whimpered.

You then freed his cock from the restricting material of his boxers and slid them off his hips and onto the floor. Your mouth watered at the sight of his dick springing up and touching his stomach. You spit on his length and rubbed your hand slowly over the tip before leaning down to put his balls in your mouth. You sucked on them and stroked him while he moaned praises. You licked a stripe up the underside of Rafe's dick and took the tip in your mouth, swirling your tongue around the sensitive skin.

Rafe grabbed your hair in a makeshift ponytail and shoved himself to the back of your throat. "Good girl. Your little mouth takes me so good."

He helped you bob your head up and down his cock at a rapid pace. Your hands braced your hands on his strong thighs. You continued to look at him with your doe eyes even when tears formed in your eyes and fell down your face. Rafe looked down at your trembling face and you felt his dick twitch in your mouth before he pulled you off.

"I need in you baby. I need you to ride me till I come in you." Rafe said as he pulled you onto his lap.

You pulled him in for a kiss as you sat down on his lap, facing him and grinding on his hips. You grabbed his dick and positioned it at your entrance before sinking down onto him. You groaned as he filled you up. You had fucked him so many times but every time his pure size left you in awe. When he bottomed out in you, you sat there adjusting to him and you panted into his neck, preparing yourself.

"You're so fucking tight, baby girl if you don't move soon I'm gonna move you myself." Rafe whispered in your ear and you started to bounce up and down on his dick.

You tried your best to keep a fast pace but you need Rafe's help to keep up. He really did have the stamina of a race horse. His nails dug into your back as he picked you up and slammed you back down. You could feel him deep in your stomach, repeatedly hitting your cervix. You could feel your release building and you brought your hand down to rub fast circles on your clit.

"Rafe I'm so fucking close please." you cried.

"Cum for me baby. Cum on my dick."

With those sweet words you came and fell into Rafe's strong chest, hands clinging onto his biceps for any type of support. Rafe groaned at the feeling of your walls clenching around him as you came. This catapulted him into his own release, coating your insides in a thick white coating. Before slowly pulling out of you and looking at both your juices running down your thighs.

"I love you Rafe."

"I love you more Y/N." he said, smiling into your shoulder.

He helped you hobble to the bathroom and wash up. Before starting a shower for you both to take.

"Hey Y/N can you go grab some sweat pants for me for when we get out?" Rafe asked you sweetly.

"Only if I can steal my favorite shirt." you replied with a sly smile.

Rafe rolled his eyes and smiled at you "Fine only cause I love you. It's in the top left drawer."

You walked back in his room and grabbed a pair of black sweat pants for Rafe then went to the top left drawer to grab his dark green shirt you absolutely loved. It was soft and smelled like Rafe and fell to just the right place on your thighs. You rummaged through the drawer struggling to find it when you suddenly felt a new sensation your hand. You pulled a soft velvet box from the drawer. Your eyes were wide as you looked around before opening it, curious as to what it was. You gasped as you saw the most beautiful ring you had ever seen nestled in the box.

Everything was starting to come together. Everything Ward and Sarah said. The heirloom. The way Rafe was trying so hard to get his shit together.

"Y/N? What's taking so long?"

You turned around to see Rafe standing in the bathroom door way.

Shit.

#rafe fic #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #outerbanks rafe #obx x reader #rafe outer banks #obx fic #obx #rafe fanfiction #rafe x reader #rafe smut #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x you

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tilseptemberends · 4 months

Text

Post ACOSF Elucien snippet

Elain stared absently at the wall of the strange apartment. Not strange in that it looked odd, honestly most homes in Velaris had a very samey feel to them, but in that she hadn't expected to find herself coming here of all places. But where else did she have to go? There was not one place in this city that she could call her own. And going to her room in Feyre's new home was not an option. Not while the others were still there recovering from the night of Nesta's mating ceremony.

It hadn't just been the necklace... It was everything about the situation. How happy Gwyn looked as she twirled around in a corner with a veritable pack of shadows. How Azriel watched her with the smallest of smiles on his face. I'll bet he never thought that kissing her would be a mistake... Elain thought and immediately regretted it. Gwyn deserved to have someone look at her like that. It wasn't the preistess's fault. Wasn't that why Elain had refrained from commenting on the necklace till Gwyn brought it up herself? Azriel had watched them warily. Actually, warily was putting it rather mildly. He'd looked about ready to launch himself out of one of the nearby windows when Gwyn had approached her. Like he'd expected her to point out who he'd originally given the necklace to. As if she would ever be so graceless. She should have given him a good knock about the ears for thinking so little of her. Elain had simply said that the charm suited Gwyn and casually changed the subject so she wouldn't have to think about it a second longer. And then she'd found the first opportunity to excuse herself. And come here.

She'd started walking in the direction of the apartment without thinking. She just needed to get away from everyone. The inner circle. Nesta's new friends. All of them. Separately she could handle these developments in her life but they just kept coming. And before she knew it she was at his door, practically weeping that she didn't know where else to go.

"Damn, another one?" A hushed voice came from the next room and Elain lifted her head from one of the pillows. "How long did you live in Spring, and you still can't keep a house plant alive?" he spoke again and Elain blinked in surprise. Had she seen any houseplants last night? No, she'd been far too busy spiraling and kicking Lucien out of his own damn bedroom. Elain sat up and rubbed her face. She'd been so busy thinking about herself that she hadn't even considered that she might be intruding on his already sparse free time. She slowly got to her feet and paused as she caught sight of her reflection in a full-length mirror sat next to his armoire. She frowned. Not night court black but the charcoal grey was close enough. Who was she fooling with this getup? She might have shredded the dress with her bare hands if she had something else to change into. Elain shook her head and moved past the mirror to the bedroom door.

When she opened it she was struck by a few different things. The first being Lucien at the stove in his kitchen. The sleeves of his white shirt rolled up to his elbows as he cooked his breakfast. And second, the poorhouse plant he'd scolded himself about earlier. She tentatively approached and gave the pot a look. Yikes. She winced slightly at the condition of it and when she looked up she found that Lucien had turned in her direction. He stood very still, like he was scared she might bolt if he made any sudden moves. She cleared her throat lightly,

"Do you mind if I ask what your pot of mud used to be?" she asked and Lucien slowly set his plate back down on the counter.

"...it's a peace lily," he replied quietly and Elain snorted. She immediately covered her mouth and she knew her face had gone quite red. "I- Gods, I'm so sorry. That was so rude." Shit. SHIT. She was going to crawl under a rock and die. But then Lucien started laughing. His own face tinted pink. "I knew it was bad. In my defense, the flowers in Spring don't need maintaining." He pulled another mug down from the cupboard and Elain made sure she was looking at the dearly departed lily when he looked back at her. "Would you like some tea?" She folded her hands together and considered. "That won't... will it?" she couldn't bring herself ask finish the question aloud. Lucien filled the mug with hot water and set it on the counter next to her with a teabag and a spoon. "I don't think so. But just in case." Carefully, Elain slid the mug toward herself and did her best not to stare at his forearms. The bond was making maintaining a normal conversation excessively difficult this morning. But he walked back across the kitchen to grant her the space she need to think. Maybe he needed the space too. She dropped the teabag into the mug of water. "Thank you... for helping me." She tapped her spoon lightly on the counter. "It's alright. I... know what it's like to not feel like you have anywhere to go." Elain nodded to herself. How close she must have struck him last night with those words. I didn't know where else to go...

She rubbed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"I should go before Feyre sends the city guard out to search the streets for me..." Lucien considered her for a moment.

"Would you like me to walk you back?" And that offer... she swallowed and shook her head. "N-no... that's alright... I need some time to think before I see them." And I won't be able to if you're right next to me... she didn't finish. Lucien didn't insist though. If Elain wanted to walk herself back home after commandeering his bed for a night then he would let her. Something about that twisted her heart in a way she couldn't think about right here. More space. She needed some distance from him before she considered what it meant that she'd come here to escape the others.

Elain finished her tea and Lucien saw her to the door. He paused when he opened it though.

"Is something wrong?" she asked and he tapped his foot sharply. Weighing a decision apparently. He sighed and buried his hands in his pockets.

"You can come here any time you like, Elain. Even if I'm not around. There are wards on the door but... they'll let you in." He didn't look at her, instead staring hard and the ground between them. "I... thank you, Lucien." she spoke quietly and he nodded without another word. Without much else to say Elain turned and followed the Sidra back toward her sister's home.

#elucien #anti elriel #anti e/riel #elucien fic #snippet I might develop later #the only time I will ever talk about that stupid necklace

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pradaxstyles · 1 year

Note

“Okay, maybe I have a crush on you! So what?”

This would totally work for Ellie, after Santa Barbara, cause I think she'd be a complete and total emotional mess and wouldn't know how to handle her feelings..

Collateral

Pairing -> Ellie Williams x Fem Reader

Warnings -> Some game dialogue (second game, Tommy made me so mad when he came to Ellie with this. like let the girl live in peace please), brief mention of Ellie's missing fingers, swearing, end is a little rushed, not proofread, fluff at the end bc I said so <3

Word count -> 1.3k

Playlist -> Unbroken, Gustavo Santaolalla

Alexa's notes✨ -> Caroline!!!!! Thank you so so much for requesting something! It means the world to me. I really hope you enjoy this and that I did it justice! As always, please come chat or leave some feedback! love yall xoxo

Your relationship with Ellie wasn't something that was clear cut. It didn't have clear lines, it wasn't black and white. It was more of an array of muddled colors that somehow worked together seamlessly. You knew how she felt about you, and you her, so there wasn't a question as to whether you would go with her to Seattle in search of Abby and her friends.

When that was all said and done you both agreed on starting a life together outside of Jackson. The farmhouse had been one your favorite places you've lived in, partly because Ellie was right by your side.

That was until Ellie left for Santa Barbara.

The day Tommy came by, you could see the wheels turning in Ellie's mind. You had done so much to get where you were, and he was threatening that stability. You knew Ellie struggled with what happened to Joel. You knew it. Ellie tried so hard to hide everything from you, even now.

You'd been by her with everything that happened in Seattle, putting your life at risk every damn day because you loved Ellie. You've had the front row seat to everything that is Ellie Williams, and here she was, debating Tommy's words.

"This new guy heard my story," Tommy began. "He told me about a woman that he traded with while he was moving through California." He unfolded the map and laid it down on the table, smoothing out the creases. "Described her as built like an ox, traveling with a kid with scars across his face."

Ellie was hanging on to his every word.

You stood off to the side trying not to eavesdrop, but how could you not? Ellie sat up straighter, leaning in slightly to take a glance at the map in front of her.

"He said they were livin' across this coast, in a beached sail boat," Tommy reached over and pointed a single finger on the dusty map, "Right here."

You could tell Ellie felt torn, her eyebrows knitted together as she glanced around the room. Her gaze landed on you for a split second, and you could see the internal struggle that raged within the girl.

Moving to place yourself next to Ellie, "That's enough," you articulated, "We're done with that and you know it."

Ellie reached to place her hand on the small of your back. Shaking her head, she whispered a small, "I'm sorry."

The scratch of the chair against the wood filled the brief silence, followed by Tommy's scoff. "Reckon it's easy to forget about her. Sitting all comfy way out here-"

You took a protective step in front of Ellie, "Tommy-"

"'I'll make her pay.' That's what you said when we got back to Jackson."

Placing a strong hand against his chest, you gave him a shove. The look in your eyes lethal, "That is enough!" you exclaimed. "Get the hell out of my house and don't come back with that shit, ever again. Do you hear me?"

Tommy scoffed again, "What a joke." He shuffled toward the door while mumbling things under his breath.

You placed a gentle hand on Ellie's cheek and ran your thumb across her lips before stomping after Tommy. The screen door smacked into the side of the house with the force of you pushing it.

"You're a real jackass, you know that? How dare yo-"

"How dare I? She made me a promise! Don't you think that should mean something?"

A sarcastic laugh fell from your lips, "Are you fucking kidding me? Do you not realize what she's been through?" barely taking a breath, "What we have been through? We almost died in Seattle and I'll be damned if you pressure Ellie into going back out there for some stupid lead."

Soft pants came from your parted mouth. You were absolutely seething at Tommy's audacity. Why couldn't he just drop it? So many lives were lost in the search for Abby. It wasn't his life he was putting at risk, it was Ellie's. He'd have to shoot you dead before you allowed that.

Tommy gave you a sharp look before turning his back and leading his horse to the front gate.

You watched him ride off as you caught your breath.

Pulling the screen door shut behind you, you turned to find Ellie still seated at the table.

"Els, I'm so sorry he did that. He had absolutely no right to show up here and treat you like that."

Ellie warily glanced up at you, a bleak look painted her features. A sigh escaped her lips as she grabbed your hand and led you to the seat across from her.

"Babe, I think-"

"Please tell me you're not actually considering this. Please."

Ellie snapped her gaze down to the map and back up to you. "I can't live like this anymore, knowing she's still out there. I don't eat, I don't sleep."

You blinked the tears away that were threatening to slip. "Ellie.." Your voice broke slightly as you rose to stand. "You need to know that I've grown to care for you, deeply. But if you walk out of this house, I don't know if I'll be here waiting for you to come back."

Ellie rose and stood to face you, inches between you both. A pained expression covered her face, "That's up to you."

With that, she took her backpack and walked out the door, leaving you in the beloved farmhouse alone.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆

It had been three months, and there was still no sign of Ellie. You waited every day for her to walk through that door and into your arms. The old calendar in the kitchen had been marked up, serving as a tracker for the days that molded into one.

It was easy to grow weary, to sit in silence most days and reminisce on the months prior. The ache was a deep, constant feeling in your body.

There was one day, the sun's embrace warm as you sat on the porch swing that you saw it.

Ellie's slim figure making its way up to the front gate, backpack in hand.

Your eyes fell into a sharp squint thinking your mind had been playing tricks on you.

The gate clanked open, and you knew she was home.

Standing up, you scampered towards the girl.

"Ellie?! Is that you?"

Ellie's own footsteps broke into a run after hearing your sweet voice. God, she missed that voice so much.

You slammed your body into her strong frame, wrapping your arms tightly around her neck. "Ellie," you melted, "I'm so happy you're back home."

She picked you up off the ground slightly, inhaling the scent of your freshly washed hair. "I missed you so much, baby. You have no idea."

Placing you back on your feet, her cool hands met your cheeks and you leaned into her touch, relishing the feel of her skin against yours.

Opening one eye at the unfamiliar sensation, "Uh, Els? What the hell happened to your fingers?" You all but ripped her hand off your cheek and brought it up to your face to inspect.

A deep chuckle fell from her lips and she smiled at you, "I'll explain everything, I promise. Let's go inside before you get cold."

Slinging her backpack across her shoulders, she intertwined your fingers in her good hand and led you back to the house. It felt right being back home with you. Ellie realized a lot of things while she was gone and was finally able to process some of those feelings. Not that she wouldn't tell you eventually, but Ellie loved you from the moment she first laid eyes on you all those years ago in Jackson. It took her a while to decipher those feelings, but she's never been so sure of something as she is this.

Glancing down at you, she gave your hand a slight squeeze, "I love you, sweet girl. More than you'll ever know."

#ellie williams #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams blurb #ellie williams x you #tlou2 #Ellie Williams fluff #I hope this was okay #pls tell me what you thought #aae writes

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babyhatesreality · 22 days

Text

The Sinner and the Saint Ch 12

Pairing: Mob!Boss Bucky x f!reader

Warnings: NSFW, f!reader, language, reader is referred to by her stage name of Angel, pet names, playful banter, Bucky is a lovable menace (and y'know, a mob boss), everybody has secrets, reader is insecure and self deprecating, reader is an extremely flexible exotic dancer, implied smut.

YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN MEDIA CONSUMPTION. MINORS DNI. THIS IS AN 18+ STORY ONLY AND IS NS/FW. I DO NOT CONSENT FOR ANY OF MY WORKS TO BE COPIED, REPRINTED, OR TRANSLATED ONTO ANY PLATFORM EXCEPT MY OWN. Likes, comments and reblogs deeply appreciated.

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

"C'mon. Let's get you back to your place."

You wished that the sudden, racing thoughts that invaded your mind at his simple sentence weren't there, but well, fuck, they were. You had an amazing night with this man, followed by an amazing morning and the best damn blueberry scone you'd ever eaten in your life, and as you were leaving the breakfast place, he said THAT. To any logical person, it would be a statement from someone who cared about your well-being, knowing that you had work later on and could probably use a few hours sleep from what you lost last night.

But you weren't logical. Or at least your brain wasn't.

As Bucky gently took your elbow and rested one hand on the small of your back guiding you, you bit your lip. He was trying to get rid of you. Of course he was. You hadn't pleased him...or you hadn't shown someone of his caliber the proper respect...or he just didn't find you as attractive in the daylight. A million self-deprecating thoughts invaded your head as you tried to keep tears from forming.

He turned the street corner, and there was the huge black SUV. You couldn't see through the tinted windows, but you knew that Steve was at the wheel. Keeping your head low so the "man who saw everything" didn't see your emotions, you silently let Bucky guide you into the backseat.

And of course, Bucky noticed the sudden tension in your body. He noticed everything about you.

The second the door was shut and the car was moving, Bucky reached across the backseat, hooking his metal hand around your thigh, and effortlessly slid you across the plush leather towards him. Before you could do more than squeak in surprise, you found yourself seated comfortably on his lap. "So. When can I see you again?" the gangster asked. Your jaw dropped. He chuckled low. "Seems like I have a lot of work to do if you're going to start this hating-on-yourself bullshit after the last 16 hours. I'd like to get the jump on it." A slow, shit-eating grin spread across his face. "Well, actually I'd like to get the jump on YOU right now, but you need sleep, and if I took you back to my place..." he sighed overly dramatically, "...well, you definitely wouldn't be getting any rest."

You giggled, relieved that he still wanted you, and turned your full gaze to him. His grin widened. That was when you saw it. The tiniest crinkle in the corner of his left eye smoothed out when you looked at him. He relaxed. He looked happy.

When he looked at you, Bucky saw peace. That hit you like a bullet.

Knowing what you now knew, this moment would forever stick in your mind.

*******************************************************

The next two months were insane in the best possible way.

That night, after you had capitulated and taken a much-needed nap before work, you'd performed this song at the club that night. Of course it was secretly only for him, but it was still a damn good song to perform to, especially after your morning activities left you feeling happy and a little daring. You couldn't help but catch his eye towards the end of your number, and the lust radiating off him in waves nearly made you stumble under the lights. Within 27 seconds of you stepping offstage, you and he were in the back of his car going at it like two horny teens on prom night as Steve sped towards Bucky's place.

Well let's just say you didn't need to go to the gym for like three days after that.

The intense passion and connection between the two of you seemed to take over everything. It permeated every aspect of your life, it was all you could think about, the only thing you wanted to think about, but only internally. You had both agreed to keep your relationship under wraps. Only Steve and Natasha knew. You didn't need Nebula, your customers, or any of the other girls getting mad or feeling like you were getting special treatment- which you weren't. You had all but stomped your foot insisting, and Bucky had graciously, if not grumpily, agreed.

As for Gamora, the only person who knew you'd gone on a date with Bucky, you'd told her that you both had a fantastic night with great food and a great discussion, and you left it at that. You patiently endured her shock, disbelief, and enraged pressings for more details with a simple smile. Once she finally realized she wasn't going to get shit further out of you, she collapsed into a chair, laughed and laughed, and gave you the biggest hug. "Yeah, yeah, fine you bitch," she teased you playfully. "Keep your secrets. You are the worst." You both ended up in tears of laughter, and she never pressed you again. She was a true friend.

Unbeknowst to you (although you made a pretty good educated guess), Bucky's reasons for wanting to keep your relationship on the down low were wildly different than yours. You kept those thoughts at bay as best you could. The longer you stayed in his arms, the safer you felt, even knowing...what you knew.

Bucky had mentioned you moving into his place nearly instantly. You had kept enough of a head on your shoulders to tell him it was too soon. When he pouted and grumbled that he had held off for an entire four days from your first date before asking, you giggled and distracted him simply by running your tongue around the shell of his left ear. That ended that conversation in a rather pleasing way. He would still bring it up nearly every time he saw you, but you diverted him. You weren't sure how long you could keep him at bay though...and you weren't entirely sure you wanted to.

Especially after what happened on THAT night...

To Be Continued

#mob boss bucky x reader #mob bucky barnes #mob bucky #mob boss bucky barnes #mob bucky barnes x reader #mafia bucky #mafia bucky x reader #mafia bucky barnes x reader #mafia!bucky barnes x reader #mafia!bucky

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justxtalking · 3 months

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I'm so mad right now and I need to rant. I know I should get over it, but I literally can't. It's so annoying to meet hxh fans in real life.

I'm buying bit by bit the volumes of yu yu hakusho and hunter x hunter (level e is not available in my country), and reading them (again). I got volume 28 and took some photos of some panels that I liked and shared them as a collage in my story. It looked nice, I liked it and I am really happy that I finally got it. The thing is that a friend I haven't properly talked to for I don't know how long saw my story and realized that I liked hxh. We started talking, but damn, I don't regret sharing what I bought, but why are people like this? This is the second time it happens to me (third time if I include a non-fan but knows hxh): everytime someone hears that I like togashi's work, they start complaining about the popular hiatus (as if he's the only mangaka who does that). I so prefer to meet the guys who act all surprised everytime I go to buy a hxh volume in the comic book store. At least they try to make a conversation about the story and just ask me about my favorite character.

My conversation with this guy started with him just complaining about how togashi doesn't continue the story and he should leave it to someone else but he's too proud and blablabla. I tried to be sympathetic since he seems to be a fan of his work from years ago, but I did defend togashi a whole lot (he said I should stop defending him but never in my life I would do such a thing). I find it awful how some fans still put so much pressure on togashi to continue hxh when we know about his condition. And to just leave the story to someone else? It's clear that those people haven't done anything close to a story to say that.

I literally already made peace with the fact that I don't need an ending. As a fan, of course I want to know how it ends. But also as a fan, I don't want him to sell his soul to the devil only to know the ending.

And something I said to this guy was that he should make his own ending, I have mine and I will throw it away when hxh ends. It was literally a joke to lighten up the situation and it wasn't even something to focus on because in between I was saying other things. And he literally focused on that and said "don't let it be fujoshi" (used as an insult) and I'm here like: are we back into the 2000s and nobody told me?

1. What is the problem?

2. Why do you care?

3. We didn't even speak about any kind of ships, what are you trying to say?

4. Are you sure you know what type of story you're reading?

And this question is for me: How am I meeting dude bros in real life? Why are they in the WILD? AND HOW THE HELL DID I BEFRIEND ONE YEARS AGO WITHOUT ME KNOWING? I want a friend who also likes hxh and togashi's work to talk, but not like this </3

I'm so tired of these kind of people. While living my life outside of the Internet and just being in my corner of the fandom living the great life, I tend to forget that they still exist and there are people who still act like this. What annoys me the most is that literally, they don't know what type of story they're reading. They like to say they like hxh because they know it's good and it gives you some kind of "status" within the anime community because togashi is a really good mangaka and someone who influenced a lot of people within the manga community. Without him, shonen as a genre wouldn't be the same. But then, they also choose to ignore what they don't like about his work, like the queer elements. It's highly known that togashi loves to play with gender and sexuality, but that's only a fact for them when they find it convenient. If you don't like it, don't watch/read it, but it's ignorant and blatant stupid to just act as if it's not there and talk shit about other people only because it's uncomfortable to you. And I'm not even saying that everyone should analyze the story, some people just like to enjoy it and move on with their lives and some others don't know how to analize it, but one thing is that and another thing is just to close off to the possibility when it's clearly there. But of course, the others are sick, not them who are clearly homophobic and don't want to admit it. They should ask themselves why do they get so mad about the possibility of two kids being together romantically and just work on themselves. What's worst is that this guy even said to me he likes NANA and I don’t want to know what kind of interpretation he has because DAMN

To be honest, sometimes I'm a bit surprised about how well togashi seems to know the anime community, but of course he does, he's being a fan for how long now and he's being a mangaka for how long. And I so hope he keeps trolling because DAMN these people are annoying

The worst part is that these fans wouldn't even be friends with togashi or wouldn't like him as a fan because togashi really does look like the type of fan they would hate. Togashi likes BL, mpreg, obscure stories, horror (body horror even) and science fiction (both genres who allow and are known for queerness), he used to make doujinshis (even in an era that was even more bad looked upon than now), he likes to draw bishonen characters (even in a time which was more common to see buff characters in shonen), he drew gender-bender designs of kurama and hiei, he included a homoerotic art of kurama and karasu (a friend made it for him i think) in his doujinshi, he wanted to make a shonen with gay characters and crossdressing and the list goes on and on. He likes so many things that these others fans are disgusted by and it really looks like they don't know who they are admiring. The reason why ending D got so much negative attention when it came out is because it doesn't sound believable that a mangaka like togashi himself, the same person who made level e and is constantly worried of making an interesting story, would make such a bland and heteronormative ending in a story like hxh no less.

They should just shut up and go do their homework instead, they look ridiculous.

And no, I didn't answer this guy again and I don’t think I will, though I really want to troll him.

#hxh #togashi #justxtalking #rant is over #I've been trying to study korean but couldn't focus so i came here #me correcting the typos after i posted it #and by the way he doesn't like killua but loves gon #who hurt him so much

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agirlwholovesrockstars · 4 months

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𝖞𝖔𝖚 𝖒𝖆𝖐𝖊 𝖒𝖊 𝖋𝖊𝖊𝖑 𝖇𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖓𝖊𝖜

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓣𝔀𝓸

"𝘉𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯"

彡 𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓼 𝓶𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽 彡

✦ 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 | 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 ✦

𝕾𝖚𝖒𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞 : you chose to be perilous at the person that you only just met.....or is it?

𝖂𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝕮𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙 : keeping it very simple as I can

𝖂𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 : 18+ Knight!Eddie Munson x Princess!FEM x reader, language, use of Y/N, reader and Eddie are both (21), Henry is (30+), Jason (*gags* I know- sorry), age gap, reader will draw bl00d but not (g0re), Enzo! reoccurring :)), old family friends reunion, Jason calling reader a b*tch and slight physical abuse, vi0lence, manipulation, mentions of corpses, binding reader wrists with a rope

𝖂𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖙𝖔 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖈𝖙 : finally! some slight fluff, of course, the angst will never left lol, set in 17th century, dark fantasy, romance, action, upside down exists in this, almost revealing everything of the lost memory that Eddie had 👀

𝕹𝖔𝖙𝖊 𝕿𝖔 𝕽𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗 : I'm so sorry for the long wait! I got sick and there's been so many life happenings but I'm back! I hope y'all staying hydrated 🥺🫶🏻

𝕬𝖚𝖙𝖍𝖔𝖗 𝕹𝖔𝖙𝖊 : wow, even just a little support on to this series, I tried to post a few parts to test it to see if the crowd will like it and honestly, omg, I'm a bit surprised and literally so grateful for the feedback that I'm receiving and YOU GUYS! the reblogs, the likes and the comments really helped a lot! 😭❣️

☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆

❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣

"Have you found her yet?"

"No, sign of her, your eminence"

"Then don't stop until you find her!" Henry points at the door, the light from the fireplace adds the flame that's going on behind his eyes

The knight bows and walks away, the receding footsteps echoes as Jason taunts him

"Jason, will you just leave me at peace"

"I think I saw a familiar face today" Jason places his foot onto the table as he leans down on his chair, your father's chair

Henry blinks as he thinks for a moment

"Who is it?"

"I didn't get the chance to ask for his name, but I think and I'm very certain that he is the boy that we took from-"

"Wayne"

"That's right, him"

"What about him?"

He shrugs as he says "Nothing is just I can feel that he will interfere with our plan soon"

Henry hums as he bites to the apple

"He probably doesn't remember anything since you erased his memories, right?"

He stopped chewing as he glares at Jason, "I'm not proud of it and you know it"

"Don't be such a wussy, Henry, we have to make hard sacrifices to fulfill our plan for this world"

He doesn't want to talk about this, he wants you on his side

"You know, you're not like this before when we entered this kingdom, ever since she swiftly walks into your sight- you're pretending to be like what?!?-" Jason makes a mockery of batting his eyelashes at him

"Like you didn't do shit?!? You're not a bad person?!? Don't fucking wash your hands on me and make yourself a change person, Henry, you're messed up since the beginning" Jason punctuates his every point with his finger

"I didn't asked for this, Jason!" Henry now ignores the apple that he's eating earlier, he lost his appetite

"I don't want this, I-I wanted to change!-" Henry can feel himself break for wanting to feel seen

"You can't change when it's already been done, don't you get it?!? You can't fucking have her just admit!" Jason shoots back as he sighs in exasperation

"Do you think she'll forgive you- if she finds out that you what?!? Killed half of the population of her damn country?!? Jason squints his eyes on him as Henry stood up and freezes on the spot

He starts walking as he halted for a second to look at Jason

"Say all you want but I'm not gonna stop until I find her"

Jason scoffs as he muttered words to himself

"I'm just protecting him and well- fuck it- he'll be sooooo devastated when finally got his heart broke" he says as he drank his last ounce of rum

You, Eddie, Jeff and Gareth have been bonded for over a month already and it's almost like you forgotten that you're hiding for a reason

Gareth grew on you, he's not mean to you anymore but still as a dear friend to Eddie- he'll destroy you if you do anything shitty to him

But Eddie is Eddie, he is so headstrong to his belief's and whatever Gareth tries to tell him not to give in to you easily, he always fails

There's nothing that he can do about that but to cave in as well

You will not betray them all, will you?

"Jeff! That's not funny!" You exclaimed as you try to chase him but he always moves away faster than you

He's teasing you about you became so enamored by Eddie at the first place

Of course, Jeff, always and he will never miss it

The way you looked at each other? He already knew

"It's the truth, right? Why would you be infuriated with me if it's the truth?"

"Because!"

"Because, what?"

You sighed as you lift your shoulders "It's ridiculous to even talk about this!"

He beat you again as he runs at the other corner "Why would it be ridiculous?"

You groaned "God- I'm tired, Jeff" you say it with a soft chuckle

He tug a small smile as he stands beside you

"Hey, uh- just to be clear, princess-"

"Please, stop with the formality"

He chuckles "Alright, Y/N"

"Much better"

"You're the light that he needs, you know? I mean- Eddie will never lose his faith on everything, I guarantee you that, is just that you added more to never make him give up" Jeff carefully speaks as he looked from his behind as he saw Eddie and Gareth are both walking together to catch up with you two

Your feelings are not important at the moment and now- Jeff saying this to you

Didn't helped

"Why are you saying this, Jeff?"

"You should look out for yourself too, you deserve to be happy"

It warms your heart to have a friend like him "That's nice of you to say, um- thank you" he saw the gleam in your eyes that falters slightly as he creased his brows for a bit as you spoke

"I know, but not right now since everything is heated up and I just don't want to use my feelings to stay away from the real problem"

He understands your decision and he's glad that you're aware of the obvious tension that you both Eddie had "Your father raised you, right, Y/N"

You giggled "Yeah, he did" you nod

"I picked some firewood!" Gareth speaks as he crossed your path from where you and Jeff been standing

"Yes! I'm so famished" you say as you held your stomach

"Y/N"

"Yes, Eddie?"

"Would you care to have a walk with me?"

"I will take that offer gladly"

You both start walking together as you glanced at Jeff who is already smiling as he looks away and starts helping Gareth

You're living with them for a month and you already knew some of their traits and you can point them out clearly

You can tell Eddie is nervous

You've seen him nervous but never like this

"What is it, Eddie?" You stopped him by holding both of his shoulders

The moment he looks straight on your eyes, he can't stand still

Your eyes, my god- it's like you're from a hazy memory that he really tries to remember but he couldn't

Your touches isn't foreign to him, he trusts you with all his heart and soul, he knows that you're aren't a stranger to him

The memory that he had before? He wants it so badly

The only chilly thing that sends to his spine, it's either he knew you as a friend or an enemy

But, he just doesn't feel anything, not a single thing that he can point out that is bad to you

That's why he is so sure that you are nothing but a straightforward and most trusting person ever

He took a sharp breath "It's been a month and I feel so guilty not telling you anything"

"About what?"

"About me"

"Oh"

You're both sitting together at the boulder and Eddie is now carving random woods

When he is carving random woods at the ground with that furrowed look on his face

There is something, something that he should talk about

You reach his hand and looked at you with those chocolate hues on his eyes

"Eddie, you don't have to tell me anything if you're not ready"

He doesn't replied to your remark, it looked like he wants to listen, so you keep going

"Just because I'm here with you for a while, it's not my place to like that you should tell me everything right away, you know?"

He nods as he ducks his head down

"Unless, you want to talk about it?"

He takes a deep breath as looked back at you "No" he says as he shook his head

"That's okay, you don't have to stress yourself-"

"I just want you to trust me"

The look you gave him it looked like you we're saying "Have you lost your mind?!"

"Eddie, you've earned it in the first place, the day you saved me and the way you genuinely let me stay at your place, that's enough" you say to him as you hold his hand tighter for reassurance

"You don't have to prove yourself to me" you added as you smile

"Why?"

"Because you already proven that you're kind enough to trust"

That comment alone, eases his mind, the thought that is ruining him right now finally flushes deep elsewhere

"You two, there you are! Dinner is ready, guys" Gareth voice snapped the both of you back into reality as you both walked back at the house

"This flavor is really excellent" you say as you munch down the chicken

"Give your compliments at the chef" Jeff nudges his chin towards, Gareth

Gareth dramatically bows at you as all of you laughed to his action

"The vegetables are nicely blanched" Eddie says as he chows down a piece of broccoli onto his mouth

You watch the three men do silly things with each other as the dinner goes filled with lots of bickering and laughing

"I want all of you back in my palace"

They've never swing their heads at you that fast

"Pardon?" Jeff leans forward closer to you as you chuckled

"I said, I want all of you to live in my palace!"

"You're fucking with us, right?" Gareth swallows his mashed potato as he looked over at Eddie who is well....

He looked like his soul left his body and wouldn't budge for a minute

They all cheered as Gareth says

"Wait- The fact that I am friend's with the royal!-"

"Hey, I could be mean if I wanted to" you say with a serious tone

"You don't want her to be like that, Gareth, I've been there and it's not a very good picture" Eddie took a sip from his rum as he glanced at Jeff

"Yeah, it's a terror situation!" Jeff nods along with Eddie

You crossed your arms in front of Gareth as he furrows his brows

"You didn't liked me at first, right?" You lean forward, an intimidated Gareth gulped

He quickly goes to explain himself as his two friends start sniggering at each other

"No! I liked you- now"

"Because you found out that I was a princess?"

"What? No!-"

"You're so awful to me, there's so many ways that I could punish you for being so disrespectful to me"

"Like.... What?"

"Execution"

Gareth exclaims so loudly that you can swear that the roof comes off and his voice wooshes it's way out of it

You, Eddie and Jeff start laughing hardly as Gareth now very looking grumpy

"You should stop taking things very seriously" Eddie points at him as he can't stop laughing

Jeff still wheezes as he looks back at Gareth with that look

Meanwhile, you, looked so smug

"For your information, you grew on me because you didn't do anything to piss me off"

"Like what, exactly?"

"For betraying us"

You nod with a fond smile on your face

"Maybe, it's because- it didn't happen yet or I'm just delusional" Gareth mumbled more words to himself as he collects the plates

Jeff throws a piece of bread at Gareth who smoothly dodges it "Do you think people will finally accept us?" he turns his head around at Eddie as he asks a question

You tilt your head at Jeff because what?!?

Is this what Eddie is trying to tell you?

This is what Eddie doesn't want sometimes, facing the facts but it will always haunts him

"I don't know, man, I wish they'll hear us or give us a chance to speak for ourselves, maybe that day or I hope it will come sooner or later" he gave him a small smile as he stands up and goes outside for a bit

"What is that all about?" you said as you tried to at Jeff who is avoiding your gaze

Jeff opens his mouth to say something but closes it, hesitating as he looks at Gareth who is already drying his hands with a towel, he nods at him

"Eddie, doesn't like to talk about it"

"About what?"

"How he got himself ended up here" Gareth sats down across the table

You blink at them, you think your words very carefully

"What happened?"

"We don't know" Gareth sighs as he wipes the table

"What do you mean?"

"Y/N- he doesn't remember anything what happened to him, the only thing that he can remembers is that he has someone like a family member but somehow he can't pick it up to who it is and I know there's more to the story but that's all he can say for now, so, you gotta have to forgive him, if he's so defensive when it comes to this and he has always been rejected by the public, I mean- your people" Jeff explains as you processing everything

Your eyes flashes with empathy as you finally understand Eddie's guilt

"Rejected?"

"He was false allegedly accused in black magic, Y/N" Gareth speaks as he rest his arm around the chair

Why is that sounds so familiar? your mind went blank as you try to catch the memory that is coming to you

"Including the both of us, Me and Jeff, we knew that he's loyal to what he fights for, so, we helped him and here we are"

"I swear- if I find out who done this to us, I'm gonna annihilate whoever it was"

"Let's not be too hasty, Gareth"

You feel like your heart might burst any second, when you finally remembered the last important information about your life

"I-I think I knew Eddie" your eyes became glossy as you smiled a little

Jeff and Gareth whip their heads at you, the surprised expressions from their face, you can't miss it

"Who are you?" A very deep hoarse voice that's going on outside

You, Jeff and Gareth got wicked at the voice of a stranger as all of you sprint outside

"Don't! I got this" Eddie has himself pinned against the wall, the older man threatens to attack him with a dagger

"Please- drop the dagger, we can talk about this" Jeff walks slowly, proceeding with caution

"Stop this!" Gareth yelled, upset when the estranged man didn't care to look at him for once

If you don't look hard enough, you won't recognize the person

You gasp to yourself as you cupped your mouth

"Enzo?"

He follows your voice, turns his head around and there you are

You could hear him breathing heavily almost like it's unbelievable that you're standing there

"Y/N? Are you real?" He knits his brows together, he is still wearing the same uniform that your father once wore

"Yes, I am- please drop the dagger, they're my friends" you reason with him with pleading eyes

He blinks through the rage from the state he was in before as he backs away from Eddie who is gasping for air as he sats down on the ground

You checked on him to make sure if he was okay, he nods weakly as he watches the person that you claimed, you knew

He's your family's most skilled general, your father, Jim- became one of the greatest duos in history because of how they manage to do anything against war and collision

They prioritize of what the people need, they focus on the weak low points of the kingdom before putting themselves first

You didn't know all of it but you're aware of many enemies that your father Jim had because of his selfless acts

Your eyes welled in happiness as you can't help but to embrace him

"I'm sorry, it's been a while since I saw a real living person"

"It's okay"

"Enzo, are you with my father? Where is he? What happened to him?"

Jeff gave him a glass of water and a plate of dinner, he mutters a small thank you

"To all of violence in my life, Y/N- this- has got to be inhumane of it all"

You brace yourself for his outlandish words

"We fought together, we tried to escape but whatever we do, we always failed- you know- I thought I could never make it out alive" he holds back the tears on his eyes as you rest your hand on his shoulder

"The last time that I ever laid eyes on your father, he was taken by the guards forcefully"

Your friends are watching you and Enzo from afar in the firepit, warming their hands as they observe your conversation

Suddenly, you felt like you slipped off the hope that you're holding onto if your father was still alive

"And then I never saw him again, I'm so sorry, Y/N"

You sniffle as you flash him a sad smile as you stood up and move away a little

Enzo sighs wishing he could do something more or even better than this

But, no, that's the truth- he tried everything to save his dear friend

Eddie saw you standing so still, alone

He wonders if you wanted to be alone but when you turn your head sideways slightly it's like an permission that you wanted a company

When he stands beside you, you shakily wipe your tears from your face, you don't want to him to see you like this

"I don't know where my father is, Eddie" you try to lighten up the mood as you chuckled dryly

"God, I'm so rude- I didn't properly introduce him to you, he's Enzo, my father's general and a close friend"

He nods as he places his palm on your shoulder "It's alright, Y/N"

Despite, having your thoughts fogging from the heartaches that you felt from the past couple of years

Eddie, has a right to know who he is

You clear your throat and look at him directly "Eddie, please listen to me carefully"

"What is it?"

"I think I know who you are"

He places his hand over his chest and swallowed "You knew me?"

You nod aggressively "Yes-" you got cut off

"There you are you little frigid bitch!" Jason's voice startles the rest of you

Eddie wraps his arms around you as you move closer to him

Jeff, Gareth, and Enzo got themselves ready to fight as they walk towards as the castle's guards surrounded you

"Oh- fuck me! Enzo!" Jason grins at the sight of the most respected general whose face scowled directly at him

"You exiled me!" Enzo walks closer to Jason with a look that could kill him instantly but the guards stopped him from holding him off

"What- You did what?!?" Your voice raises out of anger as you eye him with shooting daggers

"We didn't need him anyways" Jason trashes the place with throwing rocks at the house

Making Eddie, Jeff and Gareth furious

"You have no right to do that, Jason"

"I think I do, I think I do have the right to have you back in the palace, young lady!" Jason almost hit to hurt you but Eddie beats him to it covering you with his figure

"Henry needs you" Jason adds, you peek over at the side as you exclaimed

"Why does he need me?!?"

"You should ask him that"

"I don't want to go back in there, you wanted to kill me!"

Enzo looked at your way with your eyes mixing with fear and blazing eyes as he became enraged of what he just heard

"You're so way out of line, Jason" Enzo grunts as he tried to let go from the grip that the guards his holding onto him now

"Why don't you just fuck off?" Eddie has reached its limit, he had enough of this man

Jason laughs in disbelief as he leans forward and you shudder under his tone

"I can execute you for lying, you piece of shit, I knew you we're hiding her!"

Eddie held you tightly behind his back as you wince at Jason's voice

"The way you deliberately disobeyed the rules, outsiders are not meant to be in your world, especially her" Jason pushes him making you stumble from the back as your eyes widened

Jeff and Gareth can't help but to start fighting the guards and making Enzo start kicking and joining the fight

The swords are clashing, the armor is clanking, the shouts from the fight rummaging in your brain

You shut your eyes as you can hear your father's voice from the lessons he taught you

"Y/N, my daughter, being a risk taker- it's about having the guts to trusting your own voice, you set your mind to face consequences and being able to handle it on your own makes you the best ruler of the kingdom"

"So, if you ever you put yourself in that situation, don't be afraid to take a step forward and prove to everyone that they're wrong and don't make anyone else cloud your judgement"

You picked up your sword and impede on Eddie and Jason's fight as you slashed your sword in the middle

Eddie has never seen you this determined and almost forgot that you're so skillful swordswoman

You defeated Jason by making him drop his sword on the ground and start aiming at him

From your action, everyone stopped at what they're doing as they watch you

"You're a making a big mistake, princess"

"I am certainly not"

"You mustn't defend the wrong person, you didn't even know who he is- still haven't remembered anything do you?" He makes a teasing look at Eddie as he furrow his eyebrows in confusion

No, it's a bad move, if you admitted that you knew Eddie, so, you didn't say anything this time

"Why do I get the feeling that you already told him?"

"Just shush your mouth and walk away, Jason"

"The only half of it, you knew, huh?" Jason smirks and it's making your head crack open to his assholeness

Jason fastly grabs his sword and goes to attack Eddie only to be stopped when you block his way

"I am warning you!"

"You gotta be shitting me! This fucking man that you're defending, he's practicing black magic didn't you even think for once that he might be the cause to all of this?!?"

Eddie clenches his fists and a flash of hurt in his eyes that this will be the end of preparing himself for a long time

That Gareth was right all along

But, still he won't drop it, he is certain that he is right about you

"You also know that's a false accusation, Jason, there's no proof"

"Right, discovering dead babies and children from his home doesn't count, huh?"

"Someone else planted them!" Eddie exclaims as he meets your eyes, he thought he'll see something else but no- your eyes didn't falter

You trust him

Jason raises his sword wanting to stab Eddie with it but instead you make him drop his sword for the second time

Making Jason alarmed by your defiance

"There's one thing you didn't know about me, Jason is that when I believe someone is truly innocent- I'll fight no matter what it takes" you paused

"I believe in justice" you say as you move backwards

When he tries to move, you aim your sword back at him

"You want me alive back there, do you?"

Jason didn't want to to nod but he did

You replaced your sword with a dagger as you show it to everyone your arm

Enzo knew what you're doing, despite, the situation being tricky, he is somewhat proud of you for standing up what is right

You did exactly what your father did before

Jeff, Gareth and Eddie almost dropping their eyeballs when you cut your arm making a fresh new wound

Eddie looked at your eyes quickly and you didn't even flinched at the horrifying thing that you just did

Your arms is now dripping in blood making the rest of the guards bow at you

"You gotta have to kill me first, before you get to Eddie"

"Woah- slow down, alright" Jason felt so fucking stupid that you won

One of the guards bind your hands with a rope as you came along with them

"Wait- No! Y/N-"

Your eyes went softer when you looked at him as if you weren't so tough back then

"I'll be fine, Eddie"

"But what about.... Henry?"

You know what he's talking about, you're supposed to get married to him but you won't let it happen, not on your watch

"I will turn it down like I always do, Eddie"

His eyes are begging for you to stay but he can't do anything right now

"Take care of yourself" you say softly as the guards nudge you to move

"Y/N"

You turn your head at him

"Thank you"

You smile sweetly "It's the least thing that I could do to help you, goodbye for now"

For now? What does that mean?

You want to see him again? He hopes so

They all watch you walk away from the place as you entered the portal outside

"Boy, when she spills blood on you, she is serious" Enzo pats behind Eddie's back comforting him

"If they lay a finger on her, I'm gonna squeeze all of their insides to a pulp" Gareth grumbles as he looks over at Jeff who agrees with him

"What do you think they'll do to her?" Jeff is worried about your well-being, the last time he wants to see is you being scared and he doesn't like that

"I'm going to save her" Eddie as he narrows his eyes at Jason who is waving at him annoyingly

"I'm with you, I ain't going to let this place ruled by these people" Enzo says as he removes the dirt from his boots

"It's oath that we agreed upon the first meeting, we swear on our life to protect her even in the face of danger" Jeff adds as he waits for Gareth

"We've been on this mess for too long, it's time for us to fight, to the death" Gareth turns his back and starts packing Jeff and Enzo tailing at him

"Y/N, just hold on, we'll get you" Eddie speaks to himself as he looked up at the sky

#Spotify #eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader #stranger things 4 #eddie munson fic #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x y/n #eddie x fem!reader #eddie munson angst #agirlwholovesrockstarsfics

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jate-kara · 8 months

Text

Horizon | On AO3

Thirty-seven hours.

Andal had told himself he’d stop counting after twenty-four. It was his usual compromise: worry for a while, and then let it go. Focus on your work. Don't get distracted. Do some extra training when you get too restless. This was all familiar agony by now. The field was for his Hunters. The Tower was for the Vanguard.

Traveler, sometimes he wished he’d never accepted that damn Dare.

Andal risked another glance at the clock. Zavala was at the head of the conference table and still deep in conversation with Saladin. He wasn't likely to catch the fourth check in two minutes. Ikora, though - she knew. Andal felt her shoot him a worried side-eye from somewhere to his left. He pretended he didn't notice. His datapad had sat untouched in front of him for so long that the screen had gone dark, so despite the stylus he'd been toying with to at least look sort of busy, it was painfully evident that he was not paying any amount of the requisite attention. Shit.

He clicked the datapad on again, more to avoid Ikora's concern than to actually accomplish anything. His notes were messy and scattered. The notifications were equally cluttered. Mission report submission flags. Memos from scheduled check-ins. Updates from secondary Scouts he'd sent out after the primary Hunter for the mission had dropped off the map for too long. Sometimes, that was just Hunters being Hunters. Other times, that was Hunters being dead. Andal scanned the updates. There was nothing new.

There was nothing that would stop the clock he was supposed to have started ignoring thirteen hours ago.

The meeting ended an hour late. Andal was the first one up. As soon as he rounded the hall corner and was out of the others' immediate sight, he let the Void wash over him. Technically, using the Light to go invisible in the Tower was frowned upon. Only technically. And he had no intentions of getting caught, just like he had no intentions of speaking to anyone between here and his Vanguard office. His head was spinning. He had to remember to breathe. He had no idea what the hell anyone had been talking about for the last three hours.

He needed out of this damn Tower.

He didn't go to his Vanguard office. He climbed up to the highest point of the Tower that he could find and he dangled his legs over the edge and he looked at the City and the world beyond its horizon and he wanted to scream. Shiro and Tevis and Cayde were out there somewhere, each on their own assignments. He'd put them on a special check-in schedule, one that guaranteed he'd be able to talk to them, no matter how briefly. They were supposed to call one after the other: Shiro, then Tevis, then Cayde. But he hadn't heard from any of them in thirty-eight hours. Even meticulous, responsible Shiro had missed the last window; there hadn't been so much as a ping from his Ghost to say he was still alive.

Andal dropped his head into his hands and dragged his fingernails along his scalp. He'd pulled his long hair up into a messy bun a while ago, too distracted to bother with brushing it. Cayde would fuss over him if he saw it - Haven’t taken a break lately, huh? - and then gently undo and untangle it. Andal closed his eyes and imagined it, just for a second. That warmth. That peace.

He'd kill for that right now.

"I'm sure they're fine." Astraea materialized beside him. "They're just…busy.”

I should be there with them. The words died in his throat. He’d made his choice when he’d accepted the Dare. This was his life now, and had been for well over a year. Him, here, with the Vanguard and the bureaucrats, while his most important people in the world were out there. Maybe in danger. Without him. For the rest of eternity, unless some other Hunter stepped up and said they wanted the job. Or he died. In which case it was Cayde's problem.

Andal drove his palms into his eyes. “Get a grip,” he groaned, and was glad Astraea knew him well enough to know when he was talking to himself, and not at her. “Not like any of this is new.”

Astraea bumped his shoulder. Andal patted at her absently. "Thanks," he muttered. "Sorry I'm not the best company right now."

His comm buzzed before she had the chance to respond. Andal scrambled to answer it. He recognized the code immediately. "Shiro, you all right?"

There was a long, weighted pause. "Are you?"

Damn, he really did need to pull it together. "You missed your check-in," Andal said, instead of explaining the crack in his voice. "I thought-"

"Sorry about that. Ran into some comm interference unexpectedly. I've got the patrol data and I'm making the return trip. So I'll ask you again: what happened to you?"

There was no good way to answer that. "Vanguard stuff," he said. "Nothing to worry about."

"Cayde and Tevis haven't checked in either, have they?" It sounded more like a statement than a question. Shiro really had a way of seeing through bullshit. It was very useful when it was leveled at Cayde or Tevis. Not so much right now.

Andal blew out a breath. "No. Not for a while."

"You know Tevis doesn't check in because he doesn't want to, and Cayde is…Cayde. They're probably fine."

"I know."

Shiro gave a disbelieving huff. "I'll be back at the Tower in a few hours. We can go over the patrol data then, unless you have other obligations."

Shiro didn't need to come all the way back to the Tower to go over data. It was something they could easily manage through a few messages or comm calls. Some of the tightness in Andal's chest eased. "I don't," he said, without checking his schedule. "I'll meet you in my office when you get here."

It turned out maybe he should have checked his schedule, because when he finally made his way back down into the inhabited part of the Tower, Zavala was standing outside his door. Andal came to a slow stop. The Commander wasn't holding a datapad so they probably didn't have a meeting Andal had forgotten about, and he didn't have a severe expression, so Andal probably hadn't done anything to warrant a reprimand.

"Something I can help you with?" Andal asked, crossing his arms and propping a shoulder against the wall.

Zavala watched him with a furrowed brow. He was quiet for a moment, as though he was trying to figure out how to say what he wanted to say. "You seemed - distracted, earlier today. I wanted to-"

"I'm fine." Oh, way to go, Brask. Top points for selling that one.

Zavala studied him. "You've received a great deal of difficult reports in the last week," he said. "If there's anything I can-"

"Look, I appreciate it, but there's nothing to worry about." Andal tried for a smile, and knew it didn't reach his eyes. He pushed himself up off the wall, then moved to access the keypad for his office. Zavala stepped out of the way, but he didn't go any farther. Andal shot him a glance as the door opened. "That all?"

There was a tired defeat in Zavala’s eyes. "Yes," he said quietly. "Goodnight, Andal."

Andal stepped in, swiped the door shut, and slid down against the wall beside it. He didn't bother turning on the lights. The only source of illumination was the moonbeams streaming through the floor to ceiling windows, and the muted glow of the City below. Andal leaned his head back and let his eyes slip shut.

"He's just trying to help," Astraea said. She sounded disapproving. Andal kept his eyes closed. She nudged his shoulder - once, and then again when he didn't move.

"I know," he allowed.

"He's your friend. So is Ikora. I know you saw her message yesterday."

"I didn't say that I didn't."

"But you didn't answer her."

"She's got enough going on without me adding to it."

"They're worried about you."

"I'm fine."

The lights clicked on. Andal jumped, and was halfway to his feet when the sound of the door opening finally registered, like the information had been caught in a buffer before it hit his brain.

Shiro stared down at him as if he'd just found him half dead in a pit and not slumped pathetically in his office. "'Fine'," he repeated. "Yeah, you sure look fine."

"You're okay," Andal said, like it wasn't obvious.

"Is there some reason you thought I wouldn't be? It was just a patrol, Andal. Very routine."

Almost every one of the dead Hunters' missions had been routine. Andal blinked at him. "Uh. No?"

"If you want me to believe you, don't phrase that like a question." Shiro eased to the floor beside him, close enough that their shoulders were pressed together. Some of the tension strung along Andal's spine released. "You want to tell me what's going on, or do you want me to drag Cayde back here for you?"

"Are those my only two options?"

"Well, I can get Tev, but he'll probably make you buy him a drink before he'll listen."

Andal managed something close to a laugh. "If I pull him off recon to come back to the Tower, you'll need to find another Vanguard. He'll kill me. He hates it here more than I do right-"

He cut himself off too late. Shiro tilted his head at him, and Andal shrugged helplessly. "Forget I said anything," he said, as if that had ever dissuaded Shiro before.

It hadn't. And it didn't this time. Shiro's gaze was considering. "Is it the Tower, or someone in it?"

That look was distinctly Tevis. Andal shoved at Shiro's shoulder, to at least jar him out of it. "It's the Tower. And even if it wasn't, you can't just shoot someone for bothering me."

"Hey, I'd make sure they were a Lightbearer first."

There was no grin in Shiro's voice. Andal wanted to believe it had been a joke. No, he was going to believe it. For his own sanity. He scrubbed at his eyes. Shiro waited.

"It's the Tower," Andal said again. "It's always the damn Tower. I'm up here sending the Hunters out but it's never me getting shot at."

"Ah." Shiro didn't sound surprised, just thoughtful. "Someone took a hit and didn't get back up."

"Three fireteams in the last week." Andal's voice cracked. He felt more than saw Shiro shift, so he was pressed a little closer.

"We all know the risks."

"We had bad information." The words tasted acrid. Like an excuse. "The assignments I gave them went sideways because of it."

"You do what you can with what you have, and so do they."

Andal's heart turned painfully. "One of these times," he whispered, a voice for the fear burning in his chest, "it could be you. Or Tevis. Or Cayde."

"Maybe. But I've always known that, even before you were Vanguard. If anything happened, I wouldn't blame you, Andal. I'd appreciate it if you respected that enough to not blame yourself."

Shiro never did waste time dancing around the point. Andal opened his mouth to argue, but one glance at Shiro's unwavering stare was enough to kill the protest before it started. "All right," he said, and held his hands up in mock surrender. "I get it."

"You don't. But you'll get there."

Andal elbowed him. Shiro was unaffected. "I know you well enough to know this isn't the last time we're going to have this conversation. That's fine. I'll say it as many times as you need me to."

Breathing hurt, suddenly. "Thanks," Andal said, more quietly than he'd meant to.

"You don't have to thank me. Just remember what I said." Shiro's expression shifted, from resolved to concerned. "You've been Vanguard for a while. This isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened. Tell me you've been talking to someone when it does."

Andal didn't answer.

"Andal."

"...does Astraea count?"

"He doesn't talk to me about it," Astraea interjected. "He just says he's fine and not to worry about him."

Shiro heaved a soul-weary sigh. "I don't know what I expected."

Andal grimaced. "Sorry. I probably owe you a drink after all this."

"You don't owe me anything."

"Pretty sure I was supposed to give you some glimmer at some point."

That earned him a chuckle. "Keep it. I've heard Vanguard pay is terrible."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Andal let it be for a moment, and then he broke it. "You know, it'd be easier to see the stars out there if you'd left the lights off."

"So go turn the lights off."

"I didn't turn them on. You do it."

Shiro held up one sparking finger. "Don't fry my office," Andal grumbled, pushing himself to his feet so he could cross the room to the lightswitch. "Damned Bladedancer."

Halfway there, his comm chimed, and his heart leapt into his throat. He barely registered the code as he fumbled to swipe the screen on. "Cayde?"

"I'm sorry," Cayde blurted. He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "Just realized I missed the last check-in. Sundance reminded me. Fallen were shooting at us. I was shooting back. It was a mess. Glad we made - hey, are you okay?"

"Do I look not okay?"

Cayde made a show of scrutinizing him. "Huh," he said, and nothing else.

Despite the relief flooding his chest, Andal wanted to strangle him. "What do you mean, 'huh'?"

"Just huh," Cayde returned. "How's the Tower?"

"A lot quieter when you're not in it."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"You tell me." Andal's datapad pinged an alert - Tevis sending a short summary of his findings, which usually amounted to about three sentences: Went to the Place. Killed the enemies. Left the Place. This one had an extra few at the end. Shiro told me to check in more. I'm not doing that. ~ T.L.

"Andal?"

"Tevis sent me his report. He was nice enough to leave the location tag on it. He's somewhere in the City. And he missed every check-in."

Cayde tried to stifle his laugh. "Sorry, I know it's not funny," he said, through the palm he'd plastered over his mouth.

"Yeah, I can tell," Andal said dryly. "Don't you have your own report to be writing right about now?"

"No, because right now I'm talking to my beloved Vanguard."

It was far from the sappiest thing Cayde had ever said. It still made Andal's heart melt. "Fine," he said, trying for a measure of sternness and completely and utterly failing. "Do it later."

"He won't," Shiro supplied, exasperated, and Cayde sputtered some kind of protest. Andal barely heard it. He hit the lights, settled down next to Shiro, and listened to them bicker. If he closed his eyes, he was back with the crew, laughing around a campfire under a blanket of stars. The air was crisp and cool and their eyes were shining and no one was dead. He breathed and his chest didn't hurt.

He breathed, and for a while, it felt like peace.

—

Peace did not last long: only until the next morning, actually, when he woke up on his office couch with his neck at a bad angle and his limbs tangled in a survival pack blanket that didn't belong to him but had trim in Shiro's signature yellow. The sun was streaming through the windows, he couldn't move his head more than a few degrees to the left - and someone was banging on his door. Andal blinked blankly at it for a few beats. He didn't have meetings early.

"Good morning!" Astraea chirped, like the world's happiest alarm clock. "It's almost noon."

Andal cast her a sour look as he dug around in search of his datapad. "Hello?" he croaked, and cursed his dry throat.

The banging stopped. Small mercy. Andal untangled himself the rest of the way from the blanket and stumbled from one end of the office to the other until he realized his boots were right next to the couch the whole time. "Could just cloak and go out the window," he muttered, and shuffled over to slam the door release.

Lord Shaxx was not a frequent visitor; he hadn't been even before Twilight Gap had taken him from a position in the old Vanguard to Crucible handler. There were no meetings on Andal's schedule. He hadn't agreed to any Crucible match he could remember. But Shaxx was still here, fully armored, with his hands on his hips.

"Shaxx," Andal said, haltingly. "Something I can help you with?"

"You're alive! Good. Come with me."

Andal jogged to catch up, acutely aware of Astraea's amused hum and his own disheveled appearance. "If I missed a meeting, you have my apologies. But you could just send me a message."

Shaxx gave a booming laugh. "You aren't missing anything," he said, like that made whatever he was talking about obvious. "But you think you are. And I have a solution."

"Your solution to everything is a Crucible match."

"Not quite."

Shaxx led him out of the Tower, and then out of the City, all the way to the outskirts. To the Wall. To the gaping wound in it. Andal slowed to a stop. The wind was just as cutting now as it had been then, but today, there was no fire or smoke or seething ruin. The sky was clear for miles. Flowers had grown over the rubble, and they waved gently in the breeze. No death. No bodies. No blood. Just old scars, and a quiet peace.

Andal turned to Shaxx, stricken. "Why here?"

"Where else?" Shaxx's volume had dropped, but his voice was no less powerful for its softness. He took a few steps forward and rested a hand on the wound in the Wall. "You remember that day as well as I do."

"Everyone in the City remembers Twilight Gap."

"'Everyone', you say, as if you didn't lead a charge off the Wall and into the fray yourself. As if you didn't hunt the Fallen to the end of the pass alone. No ammunition. You'd lost your knife. All you had was your will, and your Light."

"Are you going somewhere with this?"

"Tell me, Brask: do your Hunters follow you of their own free will?"

Andal bit back a sigh. "Do you think there's anyone in the damn world who could get that many Hunters to do something they didn't want to do?"

"No," Shaxx said simply.

Andal dragged a hand through the mess that was his hair. Half of it had come free of the bun when he'd been asleep, and he'd pulled it apart the rest of the way on the walk to the Wall. The wind cutting down through the mountain pass blew it across his face, so instead of answering Shaxx, he focused on tying it back.

Shaxx was still staring at him once he finished. "Zavala thinks you need time. Ikora says to give you space. I think you've had enough of both. What you need is a reminder.

"A reminder?"

"That there is a reason for the Hunters' belief in you. That you would give your life for the City as readily as any of them. That your leadership from the Tower is not cowardice. That there is no shame in your grief, and that it is not weakness to ask another for their strength."

The words rang between them. Shaxx let the echo hang there, and Andal didn't try to dispel it. He didn't want to crack a joke, or bury the ache building in his chest. He wanted to breathe without the crushing weight. He wanted to hear Shiro weave a story again. He wanted to see Tevis give that rare grin. He wanted the warmth of Cayde’s arms around him. He wanted the open air and the faint light of the stars above. But he was caught between the familiar agony and the City's horizon: always reaching for a world he could no longer touch. Always mourning the deaths he couldn't prevent. Always wondering who might be next.

Andal crossed his arms against the wind's chill. "I wish it felt like enough," he said.

Shaxx relaxed his stance: less proud warrior and more gentle giant. "I know," he returned, and what he didn't say, Andal heard anyway. There was a reason it was so hard to find Hunters willing to be the Vanguard: why Tallulah had made that bet with the Ahamkara, why Caliban had lamented his fate when the role fell to him after, and then dropped off the map, and why every successor since had either died or disappeared, too. The Tower wasn't a cage like Cayde seemed to think, but it kept them separate from the Hunters they sought to unite. They could plan and guide and inspire all they wanted: it wouldn't change the fact that they couldn't stand shoulder-to-shoulder with their Scouts. Sooner or later, it drove them to desperate recklessness. Sooner or later, one way or another, it got them killed.

Andal met Shaxx's line of sight, and knew, even through the helmet, that his gaze was steel. "I know what you're trying to do," Andal said, with a rueful shake of the head. "You don't have to. I'm not going to go off the deep end."

Shaxx didn't move, except to square his shoulders. There was a current of tension to his stance that hadn't been there before. "It's a funny thing," he said. "Caliban said something similar to me once. And where is he now?

"I'm not Caliban."

"Neither was Aparajita. Or Kauko Swiftriver."

"I'm not them either," Andal shot back. "I gave my word when I accepted the Dare. I'm Vanguard now. It's my responsibility. That won't change. I just - I wish I could be out there with them."

The words left him like they'd been forced out by a blow to the chest: explosive and desperate. Shaxx considered him for a long moment. He didn't look convinced, not even a little, but he didn't push further. In the distance, the sun was sinking below the mountains. Shaxx turned to that instead, and Andal followed him. They stayed in the quiet of the Gap until the fire of the sunset had faded into twilight. Then, with a thunderous clap to his shoulder, Shaxx left for the City.

Andal propped himself up against some overgrown rubble and dug his datapad out of his pack. He wanted to put it back immediately. Every Hunter he'd dispatched on a mission in the last two months had apparently decided to send in their reports at the same time. His messages were a veritable flood

"Not dealing with that right now," Andal muttered, and scrolled past them. The rest was standard - Vanguard shit, a couple pings from Shiro for no reason besides saying hello, a single line from Tevis's datapad that just said Checking in - from Shiro, Tev is with me - and sixteen missed calls from Cayde. Andal jolted upright, then immediately relaxed. The most recent call had a short note attached: sorry - sat on my datapad. <3

Warmth swelled in Andal's chest, and stayed there all the way back to the Tower. His Vanguard apartment was tucked in the lower levels, far from any hum of activity. It made the chances of running into a Consensus lackey significantly slimmer - which was good, because he didn't have that much patience for them on his best days, and all he wanted to do now was clean up, make some tea, call Cayde, and settle in on the couch to maybe review at least some of the report deluge.

Right after he figured out why the damn door was already unlocked. Andal reached for his knife, called the Void, and slipped inside without a sound. Nothing out of place in the entryway - except an extra pair of boots that most certainly did not belong to him, and a familiar cloak hanging on the hook.

The Void receded in a rush. He heard more than saw Astraea lock the door behind him. "Cayde?" Andal called, sheathing his blade and toeing off his own boots.

A soft noise came from the pile of blankets on the couch. Andal made it to Cayde's side just in time to see him shoot upright and fling the blankets off. "Damn it," Cayde muttered. His shoulders slumped. "I was gonna make you dinner."

This close, Andal could see the telltale signs of exhaustion. Cayde had a particular way of holding himself when he'd gone too long without stopping; that thin strand of tension was corded through his frame as if it was the only thing holding him up. "Sorry," he mumbled, and stifled a yawn. "Got in early, took a shower and thought, hey, what's five minutes. Turns out it was not five minutes."

"Are those my clothes?" Andal asked, amused.

Cayde looked down at himself like it was a surprise. He'd stolen a simple pair of black sweatpants and a soft navy blue jacket that he'd only bothered to zip up a quarter of the way. "Maybe."

"Either they are or they aren't. There's no maybe option."

"Maybe," Cayde said again, with more conviction.

Andal fought the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he kneeled next to the couch. "You look tired," he said, pushing a careful palm against Cayde's exposed chest to ease him into lying down.

Cayde went without resistance or retort. There was a faint, unfocused haze to the glow of his eyes. He covered Andal's hand with one of his own and held it there, pressed to the low thrum of life. "Missed you," he whispered.

Andal's heart turned so sharply his insides ached. "That's supposed to be my line," he managed, leaning forward to lay his cheek against Cayde's chest.

"Hey, Andal?" Cayde's voice wavered. His other arm settled across Andal's back. "You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Andal hummed an affirmative. It earned him a low chuckle. The fingers tracing lazy circles on his back crept up to tug his hair free, and Andal couldn't help the soft groan when they dragged along his scalp. "I don't mean with just this," Cayde said. "I mean in general."

"Not when you're in the field. I don't want you distracted."

"You know I think about you anyway." There was a spark of mischief in Cayde's tone. "And anyway, I'm not in the field right now."

Andal rolled his eyes and pushed himself to his feet with a huff, heedless of Cayde’s pitiful whine at the loss of contact. "I need to clean up. Then we can go get dinner."

Andal made it halfway to the bedroom before he heard footsteps, and arms wrapped around his waist from behind. "Lemme help," Cayde murmured, a rush of warmth against the back of his neck.

"I actually want to get clean sometime today, Cayde."

"Your hair's a mess."

"I was out in the wind." Andal twisted in his arms so he could look him in the eyes, and his next protest died on his lips. It wasn't often Cayde looked at him with so much raw vulnerability; he cloaked his fear and his grief in dazzling sunlight, so the rest of the world would focus on the flash of his smile and not the cracks in his heart. Andal had learned to see through it a long time ago. But it was different when Cayde stripped it away himself.

"I missed you," Cayde said, and his voice cracked. "I still miss you. And I can't figure out how to get to where you are so I can stop."

Andal brushed his fingers along the sharp line of his jaw. Cayde’s next inhale stuttered, more a sob than a sigh of contentment, and Andal's world collapsed and coalesced until all he could see was Cayde, burning with his own familiar agony and breaking himself apart to cross the horizon between them.

Andal surged forward and wrapped his arms around him and kissed him until the fire in his lungs was because he couldn't breathe, and not because the peace he wanted was out of his reach. Cayde was warm and solid and pressed against him, and that low thrum was strong and sure beneath his fingertips, and Cayde's breath was a soft whisper against his neck.

"I'm here," Cayde said. The words were ragged, strangled by his desperation. "I've got you."

Andal tried to ease a step back, to see his face, and to kiss him again, but Cayde resisted any movement that could put any amount of space between them - like if he let go now, Andal would once more be beyond him. It made Andal's chest ache. He didn't want to let go. He wanted to be here, where there was no death, or loss, or crushing weight. He wanted to lose himself in the steady hum from the heart of Cayde's frame. He wanted to open the windows and gaze at stars while he was wrapped up in Cayde's arms. It felt like peace. Like home. A single word burned in his throat, a plea he could never voice - Stay.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Cayde asked, a long time later, and still holding him close.

Andal shook his head.

"Okay," Cayde said. "You wanna go clean up?"

Andal heaved a deep sigh. Cayde laughed softly. "C'mon, it'll help."

"I'm fine here," Andal grumbled, and grasped futilely at Cayde's shoulders when he gently pulled away.

"C'mon," Cayde said again, tangling their fingers together and tugging him toward the bedroom. "I gotcha."

Cayde helped him wash up and slip into a comfortable hooded sweatshirt and loose pants, then set him down on the couch and went to work on his hair. It was still wet from the shower, and gradually less disastrous the longer Cayde spent painstakingly massaging various products into it. The careful rhythm soothed Andal into a warm haze. His head dropped back against Cayde's collar, and he only noticed he'd almost drifted off because those lovely fingers in his hair stopped moving.

"You know you have to sit up more if you want me to finish this."

"Mm."

"Andal." There was fond exasperation there. Cayde tapped his cheek. The quiet ping of a message notification interrupted whatever he was going to say next. He gathered Andal to his chest and planted a quick kiss on his hair, then started to extricate himself from the embrace.

Andal's heart lurched. He closed a tight grip around Cayde's wrist reflexively. "You're leaving?"

Cayde paused his efforts to untangle himself from Andal and also escape the sinking cushions of the couch. He didn't tug at the wrist Andal had in a vice grip. "Just for a minute," Cayde answered slowly. "I asked Tevis to pick us up some food. He's almost here."

Andal made himself let go. "Tevis hates the Tower. He won't come here unless he absolutely has to. Trust me, I've tried."

"Well, he does absolutely have to. He owes me a favor."

"Do I want to know how that happened?"

"Nope," Cayde said, with a little too much enthusiasm, as he finally managed to get back to his feet. He reached down to tilt Andal's chin up with a single digit. "Be right back. Don't go anywhere, beautiful."

Andal swatted at his hand. "Quit flirting and go let Tevis in," he said, despite the warmth blooming under his ribs. "I don't want him to break my door down."

It wasn't Tevis that showed up: it was an uncharacteristically surly Shiro. He handed the bags to Cayde with all the airs of a man who'd just spent too long fighting a losing battle. "I owed him a favor," he muttered. "And he decided that his debt to you was paid when he picked the food up and brought it to me. So I could take it to you."

"I told you he was a cheat," Cayde said, unhelpfully.

"Thanks, Shiro," Andal called, and Shiro studied him intently for a second. Whatever he found swept some of the aggravation away from his stance; he tossed off a cheerful wave as he ducked out.

Cayde was already unpacking the ramen onto the coffee table. Behind him, Sundance closed and locked the door with a sigh. Andal cast her a thankful look as he settled on the floor and propped his back against the couch.

Cayde dropped down next to him. "I was thinking," he said, looping an arm around Andal, "that I'd stick around the City for a couple weeks. Maybe drag you out of the Tower sometimes. Shiro said there're a few local festivals coming up, and-"

He didn't finish, because Andal stole the rest of his words with a searing kiss.

"Didn't know you liked festivals that much." Cayde sounded breathless. His gaze was completely unfocused. "Damn."

Andal tapped his cheek. "You okay in there?"

"I think I shorted something, but yeah." Cayde shook his head, like that would clear the fog. "Do that again."

Andal almost considered it. Almost. But the weariness in his bones felt like a lead weight, and the ramen was steaming, and Cayde was half curled around him. "Later," he said instead, and felt Cayde's chest hum with a soft laugh.

"You got it."

—-

The damn Tower was only ever loud on the rare occasion he wanted it to stay quiet.

Andal heard the hurricane coming before it hit and immediately categorized it as a five, because while there were two pairs of hurried footsteps approaching his office door at battering speed, the only raised voice he could make out was coming from the Speaker, and that always meant serious trouble. Could be an issue with the Consensus. Could be an emergency meeting to address some kind of apocalyptic threat.

Or it could be Tevis Larsen, stalking through the door with the Speaker two steps behind him. He didn't wait for the leader of the entire City's governing body to come through after him; he slammed a fist back into the controls to close and lock it in his face.

Andal shot to his feet. "Tevis, what the hell?"

"He asked me to explain calling out to the Void to him." Tevis looked utterly unperturbed. "I said no. He kept asking. I wasn't gonna say no twenty times."

Andal dragged a hand down his face. Tevis, who hated the Tower, was in the Tower, in Andal's office, with a slighted Speaker standing just outside the door, presumably after having followed Tevis across the entire structure asking about a power that was anything but well understood, which had to do with a branch of the Light that certain vocal fringe groups still considered controversially aligned with the Darkness, despite every writing Ikora Rey had ever produced with evidence to the contrary. Great. He could already see the fifteen new committees this was going to spawn.

"Tevis," Andal said, voice tight, "the Speaker is in charge of the entire Consensus. He runs the City."

"I don't answer to the damned Consensus. And if you weren't on the Vanguard, I wouldn't answer to them either."

Andal closed his eyes and massaged the bridge of his nose. "Fine, then look at it this way: I work with these people. Could you try not to make me look bad?"

"Cayde's been in here all the damn time lately. I don't think their opinions can get any lower."

Andal bit back a retort and reached for the door controls so he could start to smooth the mess out, but Zavala's voice on the other side stopped him. Ah. He was already on it. Andal would have to thank him later. "Okay," he said, turning back to Tevis. "What the hell is going on?"

Tevis's face didn't even twitch. "I can't just visit a friend?"

"Not when you've spent the last week avoiding me."

Tevis shrugged. "Shiro's been on my ass about coming to see you. I got sick of it."

"Shiro's been on your ass about that for a lot longer than the week you've been back in the City. Nice try, though."

A flicker of unease flashed in Tevis's eyes. He tugged at his hood, but didn't lower it, shifted his weight from one foot to the other, and glanced at the door. "Can we talk somewhere else?"

Andal waited until there were no more voices behind his door, then led Tevis outside, away from the Vanguard and the Consensus and the low buzz of their chaos. He only stopped once they made it to his sanctuary at the highest point of the Tower.

"You allowed to be up here? Thought your Vanguard might be kinda uptight about it." Tevis sat down gingerly, like he didn't trust the edge not to crumble by virtue of it being a Vanguard structure, and dangled his legs over the abyss below.

"Don't know. Never asked." Andal eased down too, and leaned back on his hands. In the distance, the sun was just starting to sink toward the horizon. A warm gust of wind caught Tevis's hood and blew it back, and Andal jolted. Tevis's long, dark hair was pulled up and braided into an elaborate coil at the back of his head. It wasn't something he had the inclination to do himself; mostly he just tied it however was quickest.

"Did you finally let Cayde do your hair?" Andal blurted.

He knew the answer before Tevis gave it by the exasperated eyeroll. "One time and one time only," Tevis muttered, but a faint smile still curved the corner of his mouth when he ran a hand over the coil of hair. "He said he wanted to practice it. Looked so happy about it I didn't have the heart to tell him off."

"Looks good on you," Andal said brightly, and earned an elbow to the side of the head. "Ow."

"You get shot and you don't make a damn sound. How the hell is that 'ow'?"

"Most of the time getting shot kills me."

Tevis gave a deep sigh. "Not what I meant."

"Pretty sure there was something else you came here to talk about anyway." Andal gave him a sidelong glance, and Tevis's shoulders tensed. "Did something happen?"

"No," Tevis ground out. His face went through an impressive array of volatile emotions before settling on blatant discomfort. He opened his mouth to say something else and all that came out was a single cracked syllable.

Andal shifted closer, so their shoulders were pressed together. He didn't say anything and, for a long time, neither did Tevis. He just sat there glaring into the distance with his hands clenched into fists in his lap.

"You're okay here?" Tevis managed at last.

"I'm not sure what that means, Tev."

Tevis scowled. "Being in the Tower all the time isn't killing you?"

Andal tilted his head at him. Tevis avoided his gaze. "It's where I belong now."

Tevis scoffed at that. A thin tremor ran down his spine. "Fucking Dare," he hissed under his breath.

Andal groaned. "Don't start. I get enough of that from Cayde calling the Tower a cage every other week."

"No, I don't mean - " Tevis stopped short. His fists were clenched so tightly his forearms were trembling. He took a ragged breath. "When you left to be Vanguard, I told myself it wasn't that different. You were always the mastermind and the marksman. Who the hell cared if you were on overwatch from the Tower now? You were looking out for us, same as always. But it wasn't the same."

Tevis took a steadying breath, but it didn't stop his arms from shaking. "Wasn't the same," he repeated, like he was forcing the words out. "Didn't know how to deal with it, so I left. Spent a lot of time on my own before I met Cayde and he dragged me into his crazy bullshit. Never thought I'd like being part of a crew. Never thought I'd miss it this much, either."

Andal's chest ached. He nudged Tevis with an elbow. "You know you can still come see me," he said. It came out flat, as if it couldn't mean anything when it was weighed against the gravity of everything else.

Tevis gave him a tired stare, then turned back to the horizon. "It's like there's a barrier," he said, so softly Andal almost missed it. "Between here and out there. Shiro goes back and forth across it like it's nothing. Cayde's a damn disaster about it, but he won't admit it. And you have to stay in the Tower even if half of you's on the other side of that horizon."

"What about you?"

"It's easier to just stay out there."

Tevis fell silent. Andal let the quiet be until some of the tension in Tevis's shoulders had eased. "Hey, Tev?"

"Hm."

"You know avoiding me because you miss me doesn't make a lot of sense."

"That's what Shiro said."

"Shiro's usually right when it comes to you."

"The hell he is."

"Cayde agrees with me."

"Of course he does. Cayde'll do anything to be a pain in my ass." Beneath the dry delivery, there was a note of undeniable fondness.

Andal huffed a laugh. "Can't really argue with that."

Tevis went quiet again. At first, it looked like he was winding up to bolt. Andal could count on one hand the number of times Tevis Larsen had had an honest conversation about his feelings and not imploded afterwards, and all of them had happened at death's door. But while he had half curled in on himself like he was protecting a wound, Tevis didn't get up, or make a move to throw himself off the Tower to escape. He stayed, and he watched the sun sink into a sea of fire at Andal's side.

"I'll try to be here more," Tevis offered gruffly, once the burning sunset had faded to a cool twilight. "On one condition."

"Anything."

"You check in too."

Andal blinked at him. "Huh?"

"You make a hell of a Vanguard, Andal, but I know it's killing part of you to be up in the Tower. Stop acting like it isn't. You can't talk to Cayde about it because he gets all guilty. Fine. Talk to me or Shiro then."

Tevis offering to talk about emotions on a regular basis: that was a new one. It stunned Andal to brief silence. "Okay," he said, a long moment later, and almost jumped when Tevis dragged him into a rough hug.

"I'll hold you to it," Tevis said, and even though Andal couldn't see his face, he heard the smile in his voice.

Andal tilted his head back to look up at the stars. They cast a faint glow high above the hum of the City, just enough to see the faint outline of the horizon beyond.

Suddenly, it didn't feel so far away.

—-

#destiny #destiny 2 #andal brask #cayde 6 #candal #shiro 4 #tevis larsen #zavala #ikora rey #lord shaxx #my writing

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