#shuumatsunovalkrieincorrectquotes

[shimosu]

Heimdall, talking to the Ragnarok fighters: Rule one, don't fall in love with your opponent.

Thor: That won't be a problem.

*a fight later*

Thor: We have a problem.

[shimosu]

[When their fight began]

Kojiro: Don't kill me!

Poseidon: Fine. I'll only half kill you.

Kojiro: Then that's alright!

[shimosu]

Ares: Tiny things are scarier because there's less space to bottle up their anger.

Shiva: Like what?

Geir: Bees.

Cain: Pops.

Hermes: Zeus-sama.

[shimosu]

Lu Bu: What are you doing?

Thor: Smelling the roses.

Lu Bu: Pft.

Lu Bu, under his breath: God, I wish I was that rose.

Thor: What?

Lu Bu: I said you're gross-

[shimosu]

Hermes: The hydra has escaped.

Zeus: Are you kidding me?! What do I pay you for? Excuse me, Heracles, I have to go.

Zeus: *runs off*

Hermes, to Heracles before following Zeus: He doesn't pay me.

[shimosu]

Loki, holding his "frosted" churros: Take them

Ares: You said they weren't good. I just watched a bird-

Loki: I know, but I have to get rid of them somehow

[shimosu]

Lu Bu: Hey, wanna fight to the death?

Thor: Sure.

Lu Bu: And kiss afterwards?

Thor: Yeah, I thought that went without saying.

[shimosu]

Poseidon, eating something: There's too much salt.

Loki: If there's too much salt, it must have come from you.

[shimosu]

Brunhilde, about Ragnarok: I have a plan.

Geir: Does no one die in this plan?

Brunhilde: I said a plan, not a damn miracle.

[shimosu]

[After Loki draws on Mjolnir with permanent sharpie while Thor is sleeping]

Loki, handing Geir a marker: Take it.

Geir: You said whatever you were gonna do wasn't good, what did you do?

Loki: Yeah, I know, but I have to get rid of the proof somehow

Geir: WhAT PROOF!?

[shimosu]

Thor: Loki told me to go get it, and I don't know what he means.

Zeus: So what did he tell you to get?

Thor: Unclear. I'll get everything, just in case.

[shimosu]

Hermes, reading from a riddle book again: I can melt down and freeze up. I am reversible. I am-

Loki: Children.

Hermes: ... No-

[shimosu]

Hermes: WE'RE LEAVING IN NEGATIVE SIX MINUTES!

(Reader): DAMMIT HERMES I KNOW WE'RE LATE!

[shimosu]

Loki, after Zeus fought Adam: Very recently, we have lost one of our own-

Zeus, from a distance: Stop telling everyone I'm dead!

Loki: Sometimes, I can still hear his voice.

[shimosu]

Loki: What's up?

Heracles: I lost something.

Loki, pointing: Oh, there it is!

Heracles, seeing nothing:

Loki: That's what it'll sound like when you spot it.

[shimosu]

Adamas, draped over Poseidon: We're not close enough.

Poseidon: Get off me.