#simply uh a lot to think about. the way I've been like why cant i improve my confidence anyway let me go talk to

[deaconblu3s]

// diary/rant in the tags feel free to ignore ! //

[suffarustuffaru]

I still need to catch up on re zero but I've seen a bit of spoilers of whatever's going on with Otto but I want know what you think Otto's reaction is going to be when rbd gets revealed like

ooh ty for this ask thats a really interesting question that ive totally not thought about a lot :o HAH but yes anyway. the short answer is that i think that ottos reaction would be Not Good. but it would be kinda good bc ottos strategic mind and undying loyalty to subaru Would be helpful to have.... bc yknow, otto would be a pretty reliable ally who'd KNOW about rbd.... but also NOT GOOD for the exact same reasons (strategic mind and undying loyalty). i just think that otto knowing rbd is gonna cause both him giving subaru some comfort (ie otto going “i know now all youve been through… please confide in me about it”) and A Lot Of Conflict (“haha you should simply stop using rbd so much ahahha”).

anyway!! the longer answer is that i think ottos reaction depends a little bit on if hes finding out rbd alongside other people or if hes the ONLY one to figure out rbd at this time. i think the more likely option in canon is that he might figure it out via restoring roswaal's tome hah, but yes i mean either way, otto finds out rbd and his entire fucking world is gonna get flipped on its head just like any one of subarus other loved ones finding out rbd. if ottos finding it out by himself, i dont think that he'd reveal rbd to other people unless he HAS TO, but he'd tell subaru he knows about rbd (if subaru doesnt know at that point) when he feels its necessary. but more on that later.

anyway in terms of ottos general feelings - yeah, like. a lot of them are gonna be all the usual things that you would feel around finding out that your dear friend has had this absolutely horrific time travel ability haaah... like the horror of "oh god how much have you used that", and then "oh god have i hurt and killed you before" and "oh god whats happened in all those failed loops. youve definitely had failed loops right ahah" and "THATS why you know so much shit you shouldnt know and thats why youre so so traumatized by shit i dont know. ohhhhh god" and "have you always had this power?? in the entire time ive known you??? oh FUCK" you know? like otto especially i think is very analytical about things. and hes uh. Anxious. so hes just gonna go aaaaaalll the way down that rabbit hole (................pun intended) of "what the fuck subaru" and "OH NO SUBARU" and like in general connecting all the awful puzzle pieces together of all of subaru's mysterious behaviors suddenly lining up with rbd..... its a HUGE oh shit moment.

and then otto is gonna go RIGHT into gameplan mode. emergency mode. i think hes just gonna put HIS feelings on the backburner (he might have to have a little breakdown first depending on how Bad it goes, but given this is RBD it most definitely hit otto with the force of a dinosaur) and then ottos gonna throw himself right into doing his "duty" as subarus friend. we kinda see this a bit in stuff like gluttony if where otto tells garfiel to get his shit together bc its only them left bc SUBARU KILLED THE REST OF THEIR FRIENDS.... and then otto feels numb seeing garfiel die and then distantly, iirc, thinks of himself as kind of a shit person for not feeling much about garfiel dying in front of him :( but yeah like. ottos good at throwing himself into THINK OF AND EXECUTE A PLAN TO SOLVE THIS EMERGENCY SITUATION NOW, HAVE ANOTHER CRISIS ABOUT IT LATER. esp when its SUBARU on the line here. and its SUBARU whos been lost a million times before otto found out already, which will most definitely be driving him insane 👍 ottos coping mechanisms (….punching walls…. alcohol……. working….. general bits of aggression….) are very like. numbing/lashing out kind of coping mechanisms. Solitary coping mechanisms. and i think he’s gonna prioritize subaru over himself and try to be subarus support and then go to Cope and Seethe in private where subaru cant see him HAHA. or right in subarus face bc otto has a tendency to do that too, depends on how Pushed otto is. either that or, like with garfiels death in gluttony if, otto is numbed by shock at first (….until the full weight of the reveal probably crashes on him at some point).

that and i think ottos gonna be coping anyway by being obsessive about subaru, as one does (ottos really normal) (very normal) (and very mentally well)

it depends on how rbd reveal goes, but the options like i mentioned earlier are probably gonna be

1. otto found out rbd alongside other people -> otto provides emotional and strategic support to subaru + the rest of the camp whenever possible but stays largely in the background until he feels he has to take any Drastic Options

2. otto found out rbd on his own (and subaru doesnt know yet) -> otto stays in the background and intervenes when he feels he Has To -> will likely only tell subaru he knows abt rbd when he thinks its the right time and then try to be subarus pillar of support

yep so!! in general, i think ottos closely gonna observe subaru from now on— i think otto would wanna keep tabs on subaru at All Times and know Basically Everything about what subarus doing now. i know that sounds like. extreme. bc it is HAH but i think itd be in line with what we’ve seen otto be willing to do to save subaru and their other friends (see: wanting louis/spica dead) (see: being perfectly fine with leaving 50 million people to die), and ottos uhhhh slight nonchalance about getting his hands dirty (see: launching bandits off a cliff in self defense) (see: being nonchalant about the murder mystery in the goddess statue side story) (see: ….his various deranged comments like how its fine if 50 million people die if it means saving rem and subaru) (see: his suicide note in arc 4)

otto knows abt rbd and the effect rbd has on subaru and how subaru WILL use rbd bc hes just THAT fucking crazy but also THAT well intentioned to use rbd like that. this is ottos worse nightmare by the time we get to arc 8– hes upset and scared of subaru especially putting himself in danger bc of good intent and his desire to save people. subaru wants to save the world bc its ALL important to him, otto wants to save ONLY who’s most important to him— ie, ONLY ottos inner circle. so ottos gonna be put into a panic. hes gonna double down trying to control subaru so subaru stops sacrificing himself bc haha who cares about all those other people??? i know you do natsuki-san but this is too high of a cost to you, youre TOO IMPORTANT (to me), you cant keep doing this so ill just have to stop you!!

so i think it might just escalate tbh. if otto doesnt know how rbd reveal is activated, hes gonna try real hard to figure that out. if he KNOWS, hes gonna start making up plans as he fucking goes bc i am NOT letting subaru die AGAIN if i can help it. if he finds out about the suicide pill???? time to consider the pros and cons of yanking that shit right out of subarus mouth. some random vollachian civilians just died???? well time to stop subaru from dying bc using rbd is NOT fucking worth it. especially for random ass people. if something bad happens, like garfiel or someone else dying, and subarus about to rbd? oh fuck, guess i gotta consider if i should let subaru die or force him to live against his will. and let garfiel die potentially forever. oh god if i let subaru die will he be dead in this world or will time just completely overwrite what just happened and i wont know?? OH GOD—

bc you know. assuming otto might be the one person knowing rbd in this hypothetical scenario… (or in general just me using otto as an example here—) once otto knowing about rbd gets cemented past a save point subaru has—the next time subaru dies, will otto be left behind in that world with a dead subaru?? or will the new timeline override the old?? its of course the same question asked in like the arc 4 second trial that subaru has but NOW its from a whole new perspective. otto could potentially be left behind in a failed timeline knowing subarus dead in his world but—is subaru DEAD dead?? or did subaru really go into a new timeline??? itd break otto. i dont think he could LIVE without subaru.

anyway yeah i dont think ottos gonna cope well under these circumstances either way hah but for the sake of everyone else otto would hold his shit together until it gets too much. and i think hes gonna rethink about how hes been willing to DIE for subaru in the past—hes gonna think about how many times hes died for subaru before, hes gonna think about how actually he wouldnt mind dying for subaru but he cant tell subaru that or subaru will be upset, and hes gonna think about how even if he dies for subaru now, is it still worth it when subaru will just do anything he can to reset and undo ottos death??? its a WHOLE mindfuck.

and i think if otto was in the situation of “should i tell anyone else about rbd”, he would choose no in almost all cases. its a lose lose if he does—he upsets subaru and he upsets whoever he tells. its a mindfuck to otto already and the dude can At Least compartmentalize. he knows sharing that secret is a hard thing to do, knows that its hard on subaru. at most i think otto might consider beatrice bc shes close to subaru but also like. hundreds of years old so she of course could carry that burden? and dont get me wrong emilia and garfiel are Very strong in their own right but its gonna hit them HARD hard (i think i talked about emilias reaction to rbd in another ask somewhere hah).

and also otto being the freak he is would want to have all the info he can weaponize to help subaru at. any cost. so also in a strategic sense he cant tell people. both bc revealing rbd publicly both upsets subaru and it would risk subarus mental/physical safety… and also bc otto being the one person who knows is like. I ALONE can make sure my plans go smoothly and no ones stopping me. subaru wont even know unless i HAVE to tell him. and ofc otto cant account for if subaru suddenly knows what ottos trying to do (prioritize subaru over literally everyone) but otto would try his hardest.

anyway!! i do think on another level like if otto knows and subaru knows otto knows i think otto WOULD be a good ally. like ottos smart and resourceful and all that— he can be the second strategist backing up subarus own strategy and power (prior knowledge bc rbd). otto can also support subaru the best he can emotionally about rbd— you know, like comfort subaru, tell him hes done his best throughout all these loops, etc etc. and ottos good at prioritizing too. hes cutthroat with it sometimes but he WOULD be good at like going “hey only one person died in this entire battle of hundreds of people, you cant use rbd its not worth it here. im sorry” or something. otto would basically be like echidna in greed if but better yes T^T

but like. i REALLY dont think otto is just gonna take subaru rbding lying down, it goes against everything otto stands for both morally and as subarus friend. but at the same time otto knowing rbd knows he cant exactly control subaru as much as he wants on that front. otto could try anything and subaru might already know everything ottos gonna try already bc subarus rbded before. subarus lived through this before. and theres a special kind of horror in that too of knowing your friend will have these spurts of suddenly knowing Everything youll do, knowing Everything you intended to do and you just know its bc your friend died and went back in time to do all of this now. absolutely horrific this would do a number on ottos psyche (and of course it already did many many numbers on subarus psyche hahaha…)

so in the end like—otto can be as stubborn as he wants and subaru can be as stubborn as he wants but if they decide to fight each other in this hypothetical scenario theyre gonna end up eternally being thorns in each others sides until it kills one or both of them at least once. but subarus gonna win out in the end bc of rbd, itd be up to otto to find a way to at least change subarus mind just a bit and restrict his rbd use some more. thats. uh. the most otto can do :(( be the support………………

yeah and if ottos finding rbd out alongside other people i think that all of the above that i just said would happen but more subtly. like otto would give his support to subaru and his friends (who’re also reeling from this info :,) ) and then in private otto i think would be like PLOTTING. how can i stop subaru from using rbd. how can i save subaru more. what actions do i need to take. how drastic do i need to be. IM the one who can get my hands dirty here in a way that subaru cant. etc etc :,)))) otto, you sneaky guy……

anyway ive considered making a “otto finds out rbd” fic before but never had specific plot beats so :<<<<< yeah like i said in this entire ask i have my Various Guesses on how otto would react to rbd!!

[unfortunate--moth]

Another thing um

This may surprise you, but I'm actually a pretty new fan to Milgram, and as my close anonymous bestie you seem like the type who'd know so.

I figured out how to access the votes today (I overcomplicated it so hard before) so I had a look and uh. I was kind of gobsmacked actually about Haruka's result for the second trial. Everyone I've seen talk about him has considered him innocent, so to see him considered guilty is kind of a shock. Do you know why he was voted that way?

- Milgranon

no worries!!

I can't speak for the entire fandom but for the first trial specifically i think since he was the first one and his mv was full of alot of symbolism and it wasn't even clear who or what he killed so I think unless it showed his murder outright he would've been innocent no matter what.

As for trial 2... I think it's the mix of the voice drama and the content of the music video. Obviously we all know that they're all murderers but actually seeing him strangle that girl (i have my own theories on who she is) cemented it for a lot of people who also watched the voice drama. I think him being voted innocent the first round, like with Muu, made his mental state worse actually. Like either way it would've gone down, but the mix of that + Muu's influence on him sorta made his personality shift a bit. Add in the stuff of him calling Es and then Muu his mother and then threatening sui/cide if Muu is voted guilty and we've got a very complicated case on our hands.

I actually wasn't here for the beginning of season 2, I got into milgram around Shidou's 2nd trial I believe. But it was a very difficult for me to decide my own personal verdict. Because I love this guy alot, and no matter what I think he needs therapy more than being in the super hell jail. He's shown many of signs of being neglected by his mother and possible mentions of a sibling being the favored one. Add that with his tendency to kill animals and you've got a classic case of just a serial killer in the making.

now thats putting it VERY simply, and even though I say that there's no telling if he actually would have killed more people. but with his mental state he could've hurt himself or others, and he still shows that self harm potential.

to me it doesn't matter what he got voted as the second time around because either verdict would've made him spiral more in different ways. I think milgram as a whole is just... dooming him.

But yeah I think the general consensus is that while everyone tends to like him, his voice drama and second mv sorta showed people less of the "cute shy little guy" and more of the actual sort of complexity and scariness that is his mental state. maybe not scariness, but showing the audience just how serious it truly is.

sorry this is VERY rambly and kind of all over the place but as for my own verdict. im actually incredibly on the fence about it. again i feel like either verdict would negatively impact him. i cant say for everyone else but I'm just going to assume it's the way his personality shifted somewhat between trials.

[lewmagoo]

Sorry I am a Christian (not a good one) and I do have religious trauma, church in gen kind of burns me out and I cant stand but I still believe and its all about God loving and love and all

My parents are pastors and are huge advocates for therapy. My mom has pointed out how people in the Bible suffered from mental health and how it isnt a new thing, how it isnt just "the state of the world now" or "a phase", but how people needed help back then even. Yeah, sure they turned to God like we should, BUT THEY NEEDED THERAPY. People have told my mom "uh but they should pray more and God can take the feelings away he's all powerful he created everything" and my mom deadass looks them in the eye and says "yeah sure they can pray more so can you and I. Since God is all powerful there must have been a reason he created therapy, because we need it."

My mom is probably the best example of a Christian I've ever seen irl, she loves and advocates for love and mental health.

I dont understand people sometimes like esp Christians who are against therapy and advocating for mental health. If it helps you and heals you???? Why not?????

You can delete this if you want, idc, I just really can't stand when "christians" do that. As someone who claims to be a Christian, I am sorry.

i completely agree. therapy is so important. it’s okay to ask for help. i grew up baptist and for so long the mindset was like “just pray the mental health issues away!” it’s such an archaic, harmful way of thinking. thankfully, since we have a new pastor with new, more progressive ideas, my church is becoming a lot more open to mental health issues and how to get help for them. which is great. but older church members, my parents included, are still of the mindset that you just need to pray more! god will help you! like okay? i’ve tried that. ive tried to seek god through my rock bottom moments and depressive episodes and it simply wasn’t enough.

i thought something was wrong with me. especially when i was going through some incredibly traumatic events and tried to seek god and felt alone. so i decided to see a therapist. and that was when i realized it’s okay to ask for help. god and the bible aren’t automatic fix-it’s for mental health problems. seeing a therapist isn’t shameful or wrong or admitting you think god can’t help you. if i so choose, i can maintain a relationship with god while also seeking outside help for my mental health. i haven’t been able to go to another therapist for a while bc of other circumstances, but it was an immense help to me when i was able to, and i would never tell anyone “oh just trust god and you’ll be fine! read the bible!” because that’s just not realistic. some people need professional help rather than religion.

[kyber-crystal]

department of matchmaking || s.r

summary: in which you’re asked by aunt may to babysit peter while she’s away at a business conference & steve tags along. peter, being the innocent smol bean he is, tries to get you and the Captain together.

words: ~3.1k

warnings: none, just fluff & a little matchmaking spider-man :) and OH steve’s blue jacket heheh. tony’s your dad in this oop cant resist a stark child. shhh CW never happened bc i’m still in denial 

Peter: Aunt May says she has a couple errands to run so she won't be back until later this afternoon. Can you pick me up? School just ended.

You: Of course!

Peter: Ned and I are planning on building the Lego Death Star tonight. I know you're a sucker for building stuff :)

You: You know me so well, kiddo. I'm definitely in. How could I miss out on our weekly date nights?

Peter: You're the best! See you soon

You: See you!

"Where are you going?"

"May's busy, so I gotta go pick Peter up from school," you explained to Steve as you slung your purse over your shoulder and grabbed the keys to your (Tony's) Audi, sliding your sunglasses on. "We're having one of our weekly Friday movie nights, and he and Ned just got a new Lego set that they want me to help construct. You wanna come along?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

You headed outside to the car together, sticking the keys into the ignition as Steve slid in next to you in the passenger's seat. "I hope you don't have anything else planned for the rest of tonight. We might be there for a while...I know we were gonna see that new action movie in theaters tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"Nope, no plans," he smiled, "I'm free for the rest of this weekend. As long as I get to spend time with you, it's okay."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter a bit at his words. 

But you quickly brushed the thought off, knowing the last thing you were supposed to do was fall for someone after you'd just gotten over a nasty breakup.

Soon enough, you pulled up in front of Midtown High School and saw Peter standing with Ned by the curb. You rolled the window down and called out to them. "Hey, boys. Need a ride?"

"My favorite Avenger! Hi!" Ned greeted as he and Peter got into the backseat, strapping their seatbelts on.

"Ouch, I'm offended," Steve placed a hand over his chest and pretended to look hurt. "I thought I was your favorite?"

"Captain America! It's an honor!" he exclaimed. "I've heard so much about you from Peter!"

"Oh, really? I hope he only told you good things?" the super-soldier chuckled.

"Yup!"

"So, how was school?" you glanced back at the two teenagers from the rearview mirror. "Anything interesting happen?"

"No, except they actually served something edible in the cafeteria for lunch today," Peter rolled his eyes. "Which is a first."

You sighed, placing your hand back on the wheel, "School food isn't the best thing ever."

"So uh, I have a question," Ned spoke up as you headed down the street, "are you and Y/N a...thing? ‘Cause I hear a lot of fans are speculating that the kickass agent and America’s golden boy are dating."

"What? No," you and Steve replied in unison, exchanging a knowing look before bursting into laughter. "No."

"Okay..."

It was mostly quiet for the rest of the car ride back to the apartment. Peter pulled out the keys from his jacket pocket and slid it in the lock, pushing the door open and gesturing for the rest of you to come inside.

"So," he breathed out, setting his backpack down by the front door and dusting his hands off. You sat around the sofa together, glancing at the massive Lego set on the coffee table. "Here it is, in all its glory."

"How many pieces is this?" Steve questioned, looking at it in shock.

"Almost 4000."

A buzzing sound from his phone made Peter look down, swiping a few times before unlocking it and scanning over the new notification.

"May has an overnight business conference and she won't be back until tomorrow evening. She wants you to babysit," he explained as he looked up at you.

"Fine by me," you shrugged. "Cap?"

"Sure, why not."

"But I'm 15 and 8 months! I'm not a baby."

"Well, kiddo, I'm 28 and Tony treats me like a baby even though I’m not a baby anymore. Steve's going on 32, and acts like he's 12."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"Arguing like a married couple," Peter coughed, and Ned wiggled his eyebrows up and down. "Cute."

"For the last time, we're not a thing," you let out an exasperated sigh, but felt a blush creep up your cheeks as you spoke.

Two hours later you were a little over halfway done with building the Death Star, and fatigue was beginning to catch up with you after you neglected your sleep schedule and pulled three all-nighters in a row bingeing Netflix with Sam.

You let out a yawn as you flipped through the instructions pamphlet, stretching your arms up in the air.

"You tired?" Steve asked. You were too tired to respond, simply leaning into him and closing your eyes.

"You can take her to the guest room. Straight down the hall, then turn right," Peter said as he noticed you'd now fallen asleep on him. "We can continue this after dinner."

Steve scooped you up into his strong arms and carried you down the hall, pushing the door to the guest room open with one hand before carefully setting you down on the bed, tucking you in.

"Sleep tight," he whispered, a ghost of a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss your forehead and left.

"Ahem. Now that she's gone," Ned cleared his throat, "time to plan on how we're supposed to get our OTP together!"

"Ned, really-"

"You should ask her out, Cap. I see the way you look at her," Peter raised an eyebrow at him, "I mean, it's clear to everyone how you feel about her, and the way she feels about you. Sam sees it, Mr. Stark sees it, heck, I think May has her suspicions as well because she wouldn't stop talking about how great of a couple you two would be over dinner last night-"

"Look, Peter, I don't think she's ready for a relationship."

"Why not?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend two months ago. I doubt she'd be willing to date again."

"But you're her best friend! You're literally the perfect man for her!"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not taking advantage of someone when they're vulnerable. That isn't right."

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and kicking his feet up against the coffee table, tossing a spare Lego piece up and down in one hand. "Yeah, I totally believe the great Captain America isn't in love with the great Y/N."

"She's my friend. A teammate."

"Friends with benefits!" Ned chimed in. Steve made a face at this. "No, not like that. I mean that as in, you guys do all the things that regular couples do, except you're not officially a couple. And I think that's big enough of an indication that you should get together for real."

"I'm just waiting for the right time."

"AHA!" both boys shouted. "So you are in love with her!"

"Keep it down!" he scolded. "She's asleep!"

"You didn't deny it this time..."

"Fine, whatever. What do you guys want for dinner? I'll go pick it up."

"Pizza."

"If Y/N asks where I am, just tell her I went to go get the food."

"Okay."

As soon as the door shut behind Steve, Peter and Ned's heads immediately whipped over and they faced each other, exchanging evil grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ned practically squealed.

"Yeah, I'm thinking what you're thinking!"

"Romantic dinner and movie night setup!" both boys whooped and hollered.

"I'll light the candles and get the napkins. May always keeps a stock of scented ones when Y/N comes over because she loves the smell of cherry blossoms."

"...I'll grab the rose petals and tablecloth."

"Rose petals?"

"Mind if I tear apart the flower on your desk?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Also, the regular tall candles are in the cabinet below the sink in the bathroom."

"Yessir."

Twenty minutes later, Steve came back with the pizza in hand, setting the keys on the counter and closing the door, stopping dead in his tracks as he observed the scene before him.

"What is going on?"

"We set up a date night for you two because we know you've been working hard this past week and deserved to relax," Peter explained happily. "So, here you go!"

"Peter," Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I appreciate your effort, but Y/N isn't ready for a relationship and neither one of us has feelings for the other."

"But you guys deserve a break! After working nonstop you should at least rest or something."

"Alright, alright. I'll go get Y/N. You guys set the pizza on the plates for everyone, okay?"

"Got it."

You yawned and rubbed your eyes, then stretched your arms up into the air, skidding to a halt as you observed the sight before you.

“Wh...what’s going on?”

Peter and Ned grinned from where they sat on the couch, paper plates on their laps. “We thought you deserved a nice break, so we set up a little something for you guys!”

“A romantic dinner? Why...”

"It looks pretty and gives off a relaxing mood. Why else?” Peter laughed nervously. “Now eat!”

“Okay...” you started growing suspicious, but didn’t question it, “alright, then.”

You fell into an awkward silence after that, aside from the occasional sound of silverware clinking against plates and drink glasses being set back down on the table. The atmosphere felt heavier than before and you couldn’t help but wonder what it was. 

“So, uh...how have you been holding up?” Steve asked you tentatively. He knew the topic of your ex-boyfriend was still that of a rather sensitive one - you’d come storming through the elevator doors and gulped down half a bottle of vodka (you never drank, so this had everyone genuinely worried), before heading upstairs and taking a forty-five minute shower, then afterwards, proceeded to lock yourself in your room for the rest of the afternoon. 

When you wouldn’t come down for dinner, he had to carry up your food to you and when you refused to eat, he was the one to force-feed you. When you suddenly broke down sobbing when he asked you if you were alright, he was the one who held you in your arms. He was the one who got you out of bed to bring you downstairs for some fresh air and to interact with the others, and not once during the time he was having to take care of you for, did he question any of your behavior. You were hurting and that was all that mattered. If you were hurting, he was hurting, too.

“It’s been a rough eight weeks...” you sighed, rubbing your forehead with one hand as you took a sip of wine. “Could be better, but...I’m alright. I just wish I could’ve seen that coming from the moment I went on that blind date with him.”

“What do you mean?” Steve was confused - you’d never mentioned any details of your relationship, you were a very private person, for that matter. You rarely ever opened up to anyone. “I thought you were...”

“Happy? Hell no, I don’t even know why I stayed,” you scoffed as you took another swing of your drink. “It was so easy to fall into a routine. There was this gaping hole in my heart, and...I needed it to be filled somehow. Then Agent Williams comes along, a seemingly perfect new SHIELD recruit, almost everything a girl could possibly want in a man standing right in front of me...how could I not fall for his façade? I didn’t realize it was doomed from the start until about a week into the relationship...but I held my tongue. I knew if I dared to speak up against him, he’d somehow manage to use my words against me, twist everything I said into a whole new lie...he manipulated me, day after day...yet I still didn’t leave because I genuinely believed he’d change. 

“But I was wrong. I was naïve, I stayed because I was so desperate to experience true happiness that I went as far as to stay with someone I knew would do a number on my mental health in the long run. I shouldn’t have been surprised when I walked into HQs one day to drop stuff of for Coulson, to see Williams on top of someone else...in the gym. In the gym...of all places. I only didn’t blast him because I didn’t want to destroy Fury’s property. So I slapped him and left. That’s it. This whole...fling, or whatever the hell you want to call this shitty relationship, lasted only twenty-six days before everything fell apart. God, I’m so stupid - I should’ve known. I was so stupid, I’m such a horrible person for doing what-”

Steve felt his blood boil with anger. Williams had cheated on you - that’s why you’d broken up. All this time he’d been thinking that you simply fell out of love, or maybe ended it on friendlier terms - when in fact, it was anything but.

Nobody deserved to be treated this way, especially you. I could treat you much better, he thought to himself.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said softly, reaching a hand up to wipe the stray tears that fell from your eyes. Instead of letting his hand fall back at his side right away, he let it linger there for a moment, gently stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. The feeling sent electricity up his fingers. “It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person...he is.”

“Shit, I think our plan’s backfiring,” Peter hissed into Ned’s ear as they watched the scene unfold from the couch. “What the fuck, Ned!”

“Shh! Hold on, they’re having a really deep conversation. Let them be for a second.”

“I was stupid enough to stay, when he was giving off all the wrong signs...I should’ve listened to Tony and Nat. They knew. They knew from the moment we first got together, but I didn’t listen...”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know any better,” he reassured you, absentmindedly taking your hand in his and rubbing circles across your palm, “you just wanted to be happy. To experience that feeling that came along with being in a relationship. Frankly, I think I would’ve done the same thing.”

“And what makes me feel even worse,” your voice caught in your throat as you spoke, “...were my true intentions of staying. I wanted to be happy, I really did. But I realized I’d never achieve that with someone like him...in a way, I was using him too, I guess. Not for my personal gain or anything, not to boost my social status, like he did...he always made a point of walking around and declaring that he had an Avenger girlfriend. But...”

“But what?”

“I knew if I was in a relationship with someone, that’d prevent me from thinking about being with anyone else. Well...that plan failed...horribly.”

“...What are you saying?”

“Of course, I didn’t figure that out until not long ago...but yeah. The heart wants what it wants...and it didn’t want him.”

“Then who was it?”

Your gaze flickered down to your now-intertwined fingers. You hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “...I think you know who it is, Steve.”

“See!” Ned kicked Peter in the shin as he was in the middle of finishing off his second slice, and he winced. “It’s getting saucy!”

“Ow!” 

“I think we both know,” Steve murmured. 

You let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t know why I tried pursuing a relationship that wouldn’t fulfill me in the long run. I should’ve known it was you all along, huh? You know me like the back of your hand. For Odin’s sake, you remembered every detail of my SHIELD file, my favorite color, my exact birth date, everything there is to know about me. It’s always been you-”

“...It broke my heart to see you with someone who wasn’t me,” he said quietly.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want you to feel like I was meddling in your love life. I know you hate it when people do that.”

“Steve-”

“I knew you weren’t as happy as you let on. I shouldn’t have stayed silent...I should’ve at least said something. I was terrified to speak up, thinking that you wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings-”

“You...you what?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, “I’m in love with you.”

Peter let out a squeak. Ned chucked a pillow at him, a giddy look on his face.

“Good news,” you laughed, “because I’m in love with you too.”

“FINALLY!” Ned whooped, unable to contain his excitement for any longer. He and Peter exchanged a fist-bump. “FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! I can’t believe our ship finally sailed! Though I gotta be honest, I had no idea pizza could bring out people’s true feelings like that.”

“We’re geniuses!” Peter squealed, pulling out his phone.. “Oh, wait until Mr. Stark hears about this!”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Peter, don’t you dare c-”

Too late. A buzzing sound came from your phone, alerting you of a new notification, and you unlocked it to see a text from your father. 

Mr. Stank😡: Took you long enough, honey. I expect a grandchild soon.

Mr. Stank😡: But I’m gonna be honest, I wouldn’t want any other man for you than Capsicle himself.

You let out a loud groan, shoving your phone back into your purse. “Oh, come on.”

A buzzing sound came from Steve’s phone as well, and he took it out of his pocket to take a look. 

Stark: You better not knock her up until after you get married and then leave. I learned that lesson too late. I’m being serious when I’m telling you to treat her right - she hasn’t been the same since her mother walked out all those years ago. You make her happy, though, so I won’t try to intervene.

Stark: But if you hurt her in any way, I’ll break your face. Capiche?

Steve: ...Capiche.

“Ooh! I just got a promotion for telling him about you guys!” Peter clasped his hands together. “I’m joining you on your next group mission!”

“That’s great, Peter!” you congratulated, “but...why would he give you a promotion for...this?”

“Because he’s been waiting for this to happen for the longest time! Oh and also, your food’s getting cold.”

“We could just reheat it. Or...if you guys are still hungry, do you want to go to Olive Garden?” Steve looked over at the two teenage boys. 

“YES.”

“Y/N, what about you?”

“It’s a date,” you winked. You let out a small laugh upon seeing his cheeks flush red.

[iisuya-simps]

A Kings Coronation (Royal au – Otoya x Reader)

A/N: I've been trying to write this since his birthday celebration card came out

Klab please let me marry this man ~ I will give him my s o u l

God, I wish this were me...

Enjoy~

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Word count: 2458

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The day of Otoya's 18th birthday. Today he would be crowned king and take over the kingdom. You woke up early and rode all morning from your country to see him. A few hours later you woke to the sun shining in your eyes, seeing how you slept most of the way.

It was crowded when you got there. Guards lined up at every corner. People came far and wide to witness the crowning of a new king. You had to push through the crowd to even get close to the main balcony when a hand touched your shoulder.

“There you are! I finally found you!” You feel someone's arms wrap around your waist. It was him. “Otoya!” You turn and give him a hug, he squeezes you back. “Thanks for coming.”

“How could I miss my best friend's 18th birthday/coronation??” “Haha, this place is totally packed, huh? Just getting over here to you was crazy.” “They're all here for you.” You give a warm smile.

“Congratulations, King Otoya Ittoki.” You curtsy. “Gosh... Hearing you say it all formal like is kinda embarrassing.” He scratches his head. “Well, I'll answer as the birthday king should.” Otoya puts his hands on his hips puffing out his chest. “You have my thanks, dear Y/N.” Then bows. “Maybe that wasn't so regal...” you both laugh.

“Well, today is about to kick into high gear so stick close to me, ok?” “I promise I won't leave your side.”

“Still, I'd find you even if you vanished into thin air. We'll have lots more time to talk if we stick together, plus everyone can know about us right?”

“Know about us?”

“Let's go!” You follow close behind him but find it challenging with all of the people. You hesitate to grab his hand but he takes yours first. You look up and see his bright smile and wink as he guides you through the crowds of people till he sneaks you inside.

“Hey, there's something I'd like to show you.” “Oh?” “Close your eyes.” “Otoya...” You whine. “Come on it's a surprise!”

“Fine.” You close your eyes and he takes your hand guiding you slowly down the hall.

“Don't peek, ok?” “I wouldn't dream of it.” You go down a few halls then Otoya puts his hands over your eyes. “It's just up ahead, so put your trust in me. Keep walking straight.”

Continuing down the corridor you approach some steps and a large door. “There's a small staircase so watch your step.”

“Shouldn't I be the one surprising you?” “Maybe. But it's not often we see each other. Just a few more steps and we're here!” He takes his hands away from your face. “Open your eyes!” Revealed to you is a grand balcony with a gorgeous view of the land. “Ta da!”

“Wow, Otoya!” “Are you surprised?” “This is amazing! I've never been here before.” “This is the prettiest spot in the whole castle, so I had to show you! There's even an awesome view of the ocean!”

You can see every corner of the courtyard. You walk up to the railing and lean forward taking in the sights, Otoya joins you from behind.

“Beautiful isn't it? Wonderful weather, and a beautiful princess.” You giggle. “And a charming prince, soon to be king.”

You both heard a commotion from below. “Uhh, it looks like everyone is looking for me. They won't check here right?” He scratches the back of his head. “Maybe we should go back.” “Nah, it'll only be a few minutes, no harm done. Besides look!” Otoya shuffles in a bag behind his back.

“I brought us some cake for us to eat together!” You cross your arms. “Otoya isn't that for the reception?” “Well yeah but I want to eat it with you now... And it's my birthday so anything goes!” You shake your head and laugh. “Alright then, let's dig in.” “Yay!”

He places the plate on the table to the left of the balcony. “After you, princess.” He pulls out a chair. “How kind of you your majesty.” Grabbing two forks from his bag he sits across from you unwrapping the cake. “Waah, this looks sooo good. Itadakimasu!” You both took a bite savouring the vanilla cake and fluffy buttercream frosting.

“Mmm, I knew it.” “Knew what?” “That this cake is way tastier being here with you than at the party.” “Uh-huh.” “What? You don't feel the same way?” He pouts. “Everything's better with you, Otoya.” “Really? I think so too... With you I mean!” You both gobble down the rest of your cake not saying a word but simply enjoying each other's company.

“Ahh, that hit the spot. Shall we go?” “You have cake on your face silly. You'll look like a fool if you go out like that.” “Hmm? Where is it?” He licks around his lips. “No on your cheek, here.” You laugh stepping closer to wipe the icing with your thumb from his cheek. Sticking it in your mouth you then clapping your hands together.

“That's better.” “T-thanks...” He blushes but quickly recovers. “Well, the party's just getting started.” You place your hands on his shoulders. “Let's make this the best day ever!”

You and Otoya go back down to greet the people outside in the crowd. Staying closely by his side he never let you out of his sight. “Otoya there you are! I swear you have no sense of time. The ceremony is about to begin!” The queen crosses her arms. “Already?” “Yes, now let's go.” “But Y/N...” “I'll be fine.” You smile. He takes both of your hands in his. “I'll come to find you after, ok?” “Alright, now go get your crown.” You wink.

The crowning ceremony was lovely. Otoya took the coronation oath and made a speech. Afterwards, everyone gathered in the main ballroom then the celebration really began. You were wandering around near the edge of the ballroom when you felt a hand pull you around the corner.

“Hey.” “Oh hi.” You smile and fix your eyes on his crown. “So what's next, king?” “Hehe, come with me.” You spend the rest of the day greeting more people, enjoying the food at the banquet and listening to the royal orchestra. When nightfall came Otoya leads you away from the dwindling crowds to his bedroom to retire for the night.

“Wow, that was a blast.” You jump on his bed and sink into the duvet. “We hung out all day huh?” “Yup seems like it.” “Time flies when I'm with you. Oh! And did you hear the band? They were all like bweeh daa daa doooo.” Otoya mimics a violin shaking his head around.

“Ah! My crown is gonna fall!” He juggles it between his hands leaning over and catching it before it hits you. “Gotcha. Whoa!” The carpet slipping from under him he fell on top of you anyway. “S-sorry y/n!” There was a moment you stared into each other's eyes. You blushed a bright red then laughed.

“Cmon... no laughing. I just let my guard down a bit...” he pouts. “You're just a clutz, Otoya.” You scoot off to the other side of the bed. “Am not! I always act like a king should...” “Uh huh. So what does it feel like to be a king anyway?” He places his hand on his chin and ponders.

“It's not much different than being a prince yet I don't think. Though I guess a big responsibility falls on my shoulders now that I am a king. I have a whole kingdom to look out for after all. And you.” “I can look after myself.” “But you don't have to.” Otoya twiddles his thumbs together.

“Anyway... Today is special! After all, you're here with me.” He raises a brow. “Hey, why are you so far away? Didn't you promise not to leave my side? Come sit by me. You're making me lonely...” He pouts again. “Promise you won't fall on me again?” “Not on purpose.” “Haha.” You move closer and the both of you talk about the day's events. Though the whole time, you couldn't help feel butterflies dance in your stomach.

“I had a great time today, Y/N.” “Me too.” “Everything was so wild during the day, but now all I hear is you.” His hand caressing your cheek. You gaze, getting lost in his eyes. “Those lips hold the voice I cherish most.” His thumb brushes over your bottom lip. Leaning forward his lips meet yours as they come together in a sweet kiss. You stay like that for a moment, then part. You turn away embarrassed. “Wait what's wrong? Don't turn away.” He giggles. “You left yourself open for that.” You laugh too.

“Look at me.” He turns your head and your eyes meet once more. “I'm sorry I guess I just wasn't expecting that...” He places both hands on the side of your face slowly pulling you into another kiss. “Were you expecting that?” “Hehe.” You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him back. You melt into each other drawing out each kiss for as long as you could. “I don't know, were you expecting that?” You both laugh and he pulls you into his arms.

“Oh, Y/N...” He sighs. “I just want you all to myself.” “So selfish, your majesty.” “Hey, a king's orders are absolute you know. That being said, I order you to stay and talk all night to me.” “I guess I cant disobey direct orders.” “Hehe, no you can't.” You lay back and chat in his arms, steadily getting more sleepy you yawn.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” “I did arrange to stay for a few days.” “Really? He beams then suddenly gets nervous. “W-what is it?” You ask, both looking serious and sit up.

“Y/N, would you stay longer if I asked you to marry me?” Your eyes widened. “O-Otoya I-”

“I know it's sudden, I just can't wait. I want you to be mine.” “Are you sure? There are plenty of other princesses that are dying for your hand in marriage.” “Well of course there are other princesses, but you're the only one I have my eyes on. You're too special not to be my beloved.”

“Otoya...” A happy tear slides down your cheek but he wipes it away and holds your hands. “Hows about I ask you again tomorrow? More formally.” “Okay.”

You're unable to hold back the grin from your face. Marry Otoya? Being his friend is one thing but this is a dream come true.

“Oh! I almost forgot!” You get up and grab your purse shuffling around. “Close your eyes Otoya.” “Ok ok... You take the little box from your purse and open it to place a small wooden triangle in his hand. “You can open your eyes now.” He looks down at his hand to see a small triangular pick. “A pick?” He studies it. “For your guitar!”

“Wha-” reaching under the bed you pull out a brand new redwood guitar. “Wow! For me?! Are you sure?!” “Of course! Otoya takes the guitar running his fingers over the frets and strings. “Happy birthday Otoya.” He sets the guitar down by the nightstand beside him. “Thank you Y/N!” He tackles you to the bed holding you tight.

You spend the rest of the night giddily talking about your goals, dreams and aspirations for the future. Eventually falling asleep next to each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the morning you wake to a blushing Otoya combing his hand through your hair and your eyes flutter awake.

“Good morning, Y/N.” Otoya presses a kiss to your forehead. “Morning.” You yawn. “Did you sleep well?” “That was the best sleep I've had in a while.” Otoya beams. “Good, are you hungry? Would you like breakfast? I could have the cook bring us something.” “That sounds lovely.”

“I'll be right back!” Otoya rushes off to the kitchen and has a special breakfast made. He returns with the cook serving both of you a buffet.

“Otoya!! We cant eat all this!?!” "That's ok, there's plenty of variety so just pick what you want!” You share a large breakfast together in bed. Otoya insists on feeding you dessert, but after the feast you just had you couldn't possibly take another bite.

After a quick rest, Otoya leads you on a stroll through the garden. It's early spring and the flowers are just starting to bloom. You're walking along when you pull Otoya to a stop.

“Hibiscus!” You wander over to the colorful display of red, yellow, white and pink flowers. “Hibiscus is my favorite flower.” You hold back your hair and take in the sweet almost fruity fragrance. “Y/N.” Otoyas hand takes yours.

“We've known each other since we were kids. As the years have gone by I've realized how special you are to me as a friend and something more. I promise to love and protect you as I will my kingdom. With you by my side, I feel as if I can do anything. I will give you each and every one of these flowers and more.” Otoya kneels down in front of you.

“My heart belongs to you and only you.” You gasp as he opens the velvet box to reveal a dazzling yet subtle ring. “Say you'll be mine, forever and always.”

“Otoya...” You tear up once more. “Yes, of course I'll be yours!” He stood and took the ring out of the box placing it on your finger. You leap to hug him almost knocking him over in the process. This was better than you could ever imagine.

"Otoya, I love you." Your heart pounds as you pull back to look him in the eyes.

"I love you too, Y/N." You share a very heartfelt passionate kiss.

Otoya plucks a flower from one of the branches and tucks it in your hair.

“There, for my beautiful bride to be.” You plant a gentle kiss on his cheek and walk hand in hand back to the castle where you greet the queen.

You feel quite foolish when you realize that it was your parent's plan all along to get you two together, but it worked out so naturally you didn't care. You were getting married to the guy of your dreams, and that was a miracle within itself.

Your wedding was celebrated with your family and civilians from far and wide.

But with Otoya by your side, this truly was a dream come true.

[nickyneshwrites]

Cold Chapter 3

Bold=???

He was pacing around in front of his desk flicking his blade around in one hand, mumbling to himself, and fidgeting with his phone in the other hand. Shizuo still was nowhere to be found and Izaya was desperate. He had heard whispers of his possible location but had come up short everywhere he looked.

If this kept up he was going to raze every single gang in the city to find his lover, pathetic humans, and their opinions are damned!

He stopped flicking his knife looking at the glinting blade and in a moment of complete frustration threw it, it stayed stuck in his office wall. Then he felt and heard his phone ring and quickly pushed the knife from his mind. 

“Yes hello. . .What about him?. . .Where are you?! . . .Skip the pleasantries Shiki,                            Where.Are.You . . . I swear if I have to listen to you-! . . I’ll be there in fifteen minutes!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The blonde monster needed to go, not that it wasn't fun having Orihara flustered but it wasn't nearly enough fun to keep the raging monster in his company.

Not only had he injured six of his men he’d torn up a whole room and had to be moved to a more… accommodating environment. This was just getting out of hand. 

Shiki sighed, then let his mind wander. A lot of this seemed strange, for one Orihara was showing an unusually open amount of interest in Heiwajima, normally he at least tried to feign disinterest, earlier the pure worry in his voice was clear as day.

Listening to the grunting and squeaking happening in the room over was now setting him on edge even more, as he lingered on the fact that the only thing keeping the blonde man firmly tied to the bed was a ridiculous amount of tranquilizer and thick chains. 

The doctor who he had asked to look after the blonde was certain in his methods of detaining the crazed man but it was in Shiki’s opinion that he was seriously underestimating the strength of one of Ikebukuro's most notorious men. 

He goes over to the door and the grunting stops. Upon opening the door he sees the blonde laying still, eyes still open he keeps a good distance away from the man in case he decides to lunge but it soon becomes obvious that he is in some sort of unconscious daze. 

He looks to see if he's still breathing and finds that he is and sighs, good he really couldn't deal with Orihara going rouge again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was swimming in it, all the self-doubt, the fear of hurting others, the complete overwhelming. . . 

“Sh. . .n”

Despair! Admit it for you know it's the truth, all of the love you hold is fake and you only push your pathetic existence upon those around you!

He wanted to deny it but he couldn't, his strength was a tool of destruction that would eventually drag all of those he holds dear to their doom. 

Blackened tendrils crept up his subconscious submerging him deeper in their viscous fear dragging up all the truths he tried to keep hidden in himself. 

A figure stands before him with an obscured face and it speaks directly to him in a hushed voice.

“-Ch. . .an”

The love you share is false, admit it! You took advantage of the hate you shared and shaped it into a twisted form of love that you've disillusioned yourself into believing.

He tried to escape to deny all of what he was hearing but it was too late he could no longer breathe and the darkness had taken hold devouring all his light.

"S-h. . .uo!"

Yes accept it, then return to your lie no but know no matter how much you run or you brush me away. Know I will still be there.

The figure leaves in black wisps and silence reigns in his consciousness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Izaya enters a building at the back end of Shinjuku, normally he would care to know just what it is that goes on in a place like this but right now he doesn’t. 

All he wants is to find Shizuo to grab hold of his brute and bring him to his flat and keep him there so something like this doesn’t happen again. He’d always known the moment he lost control of his Shizu-chan bad things would happen. He just never assumed it would be to the stupid brute himself. 

He walks down a flight of stairs and is met with a tall door, he knocks three times then waits.

“ O-orihara-same, welcome uh, Shiki-dono is w-waiting in the lower level.” 

A small man stands behind the door in front of Izaya, and as the informant gives him the once over it's obvious the man is scared. Izaya's usual mask of aloofness has melted into one of neutrality and the man is right to question his safety with such a gaze aimed at him.

Once they get moving Izaya takes time to notice that the man is in a lab coat and that the area they’ve walked to looks quite similar to an underground clinic. 

The creaking of bed frames, the sound of heart monitors, and the distinct smell of bleach are the next things to assault his senses and he starts to get anxious. It seems Shiki has more going on under the city than he was privy to… 

This just means there's something for him to look into after this whole situation is solved.  

Once they pass through that area he is led to a door to the side and it takes all of a second for Izaya to understand what he's looking at, he doesn't like it and before the meek man can open the door to the room, a blade is pressed to his back. 

“Ne doctor-Kun, I've followed you here without complaint because you told me you were leading me to Shiki-dono so could you explain to me why I'm being brought to the interrogation room?” 

His tone was pleasant but the danger was clear and the knife pressed in the smaller man's back was sending a very clear message. He was frozen in place trying to find his voice while not fainting from all the stress, he was not prepared for this at all. 

“Sh-s-s-sh-iki-dono is in the t-this room, the patient is there too after he d-deemed them too danger-rous to leave out in the main building! Please don't hurt me I was ju-”

The black imposing door is opened and the doctor crashes to the floor, passes Shiki, and immediately scrambles away from the violent man he was forced to meet. 

“S-Shiki-dono your g-guest is here and with that, I think I should take my l-leave!”  

Izay has long since stopped listening to the blubbering idiot and passes only a glance at Shiki before he walks by him and cautions a look around the room behind the Awakusu-kai member, and he sees him laid up there, his Shizu-chan!

“Shiki-dono knows how to treat his guests so whatever this is should also have an explanation, right? A reasonable explanation that will explain why it was necessary to chain an injured Shizuo to a bed, right?!”

He wasn't pointing his knife at anyone despite the strong urges to attack though his breathing was giving away the obvious distress? Anger? Or maybe even fear he was feeling.

This situation was exactly what Shiki was trying to avoid, he has every intention to pass Heiwajima over to Orihara but he was sure to the tense man it didn't look that way. He takes a step back to sit in the chair in the corner and looks straight at the informant, he knows he has to play this right or things could blow out of proportion and he's not in the mood for the melodrama.

“He’s simply restrained for his safety and that of my men, this room was the best for such a situation, and seeing as we couldn't get him to calm down this was the best I could arrange, he’s under a strong tranquilizer and has been showing strong signs of mental distress”

At this point, Izaya has heard what he wants and is moving towards the bed, as he approaches he notices that Shizuo's eyes are wide open but is seemingly unresponsive. He touches the blonde's arm and can't help the intake of breath he makes when he feels how cold he is to the touch.

“Shizu-Chan comes on I know you’re stronger than whatever this is…” 

Izaya pockets the knife he's still holding and moves to grab onto the blonde's shoulder, he pulls on the chains there loosening them as much as he can.

“That isn't a good idea Orihara-san, he isn’t very stable and I don't think disturbing him in this state will not end well”

But again Izaya wasn’t listening, he just kept pulling and calling for the blonde getting lost in a haze of frustration as he rasped out his desperate call. 

“Shizu-chan please you're not allowed to fall to anyone but me, wake up. Come on Shizu-chan I can even buy you those ridiculously sweet milkshakes you like just … Wake up Shizuo!”

He sounded close to tears and Shiki sat in shock at the display in front of him, the whole situation was kind of surreal. He was sure he had a good guess as to what the nature of their relationship was behind closed doors but this type of emotional response was more than he expected coming from the normally supercilious informant. 

 Then from behind the trembling back of the smaller man he saw it, the moment heiwajima eyes came back into focus but still holding that crazed spark. 

“I-izaya?” 

There was a moment of silence as his eyes and Izayas met like they were trying to talk through them to push forward the pain they each had to endure.

And in one act of utter relief, Izaya kisses the blonde, hard and passionate and desperate with all the pent-up energy he'd built up being released in the only way he could think to communicate. 

He doesn't even hear as the chains are broken and fall to the ground with a heavy thump. But he does feel the blonde's hands pull at his fur coat and he sees the tears trickle down the fractured man's cheek.

A tired moan ripples through the kiss and Izaya retreats leaving a thin line of saliva connecting their mouths, his breathing is haggard and it takes him awhile 

to calm down. He looks over his tired lover, Shizuo's normal bartender uniform ruined, now a tattered and stained shirt and ripped pants with his sunglasses nowhere to be seen. 

“I’m sorry Izaya! I’m sorry I’m like this -this monst-i c-cant its just - i-i-I’m sorry! Im wrong were wrong I’m sorry so sorry sorry so much I-I-I-i”

Shiki leave the room he’s heard enough and decides he doesn’t need to know what else is going to be said, he’s given the informant what he wanted and as far as he’s concerned he’s done his job.

It’s up to Oriharta to fix the obviously damaged Heiwajima and to that he wishes him all the luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been 2 days since Izaya brought Shizuo back to his flat, it's been quiet. Once Shizuo was showered and fed all Izaya wanted to do was hold onto his blond and never let go but he never came in fact he seemed to want to keep as much space as possible. Shifting from any type of contact Izaya initiated and spending hours at a time in the guest room instead of their shared bedroom.

The body that once housed his loud and lively lover was cold and distant. And when he wasn’t hiding, Izaya caught glimpses of a crazed fear in the blondes eyes, and he so wanted to help, to put this whole issue to rest and go back to how things were before his disappearance but it seemed impossible when the blond was so distant.

Shizuo's sitting on the sofa silently looking out at Izaya's unfinished game of chess, he doesn't really understand what about it had him quite so entranced but it was 

better than seeing the hurt in Izaya's eyes when he looked at him. He’s standing in the doorway even now just looking; probably weighing how much trouble it would be worth to keep someone as useless as himself just sitting around. 

He hears him let out a sigh from the door frame and steels himself as he comes and sits next to him.

“Shizu-Chan look at me, we need to talk ” 

Shizuo did as he was told. 

“You need time I get that but you need to at some point tell me what it is that you need me to do to help you. I care ok, when you disappeared I went looking everywhere, I found the bastards who attacked you that day and tried my damndest to make them pay. And as much as it hurts me to sit here spouting sentimental trash it hurts more to see you so… so broken, I love you so please just tell me what's wrong Shizuo”

And how could Shizuo ignore how sincere he sounded, those uttered words his name falling from the lips he’d spent years chasing? He shuffled over to the smaller man who was obviously giving him space and rested his head on Izaya's lap. Izaya didn’t really do anything at first but then he started running his fingers through the blonde locks soothingly. 

“Just don't leave me”

The words travelled the silent room and seemed to be made more real by the silence and while no reply was made, the gentle way in which fingers caressed the taller man's cheeks were enough to make him know they were acknowledged.

A promise made in tranquility only truly believed by one of them.

[pan-crow]

PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT HERSHEL ADOPTS CLIVE AU lowkey i've thought about the possibility before and it's fantastic in a bittersweet kinda way..... i wanna hear your interpretation of it :eyes emoji but really fast:

Tumblr deleted everything I typed out before I’m so sorry let me see if I can summarize it again. It started with this back in December 

We were talking about the various PL villains and which ones we liked and didn’t favorite too much and for some reason I brought this up idk i have a weird brain that cant focus on one thing. Anyway I put it off till like…January. I wen’t back to @well-clearly—-it-can in the AAFC and was like “Really though its not unreasonable for Hershel to possibly adopt Clive at that time impulsively.” because its…not? I mean (spoilers sort of for AA4) Phoenix went and technically impulsively adopted a child when he was at his lowest point. He expresses that through those first few months, Trucy was his light. I feel like Hershel if not in his right mind, would do the same thing. 

Hershel saves Clive, this child trying to run into a burning building. He holds him for a good long while until people come to help and he just stays there wondering who the child lost and wondering if Claire is safe. It doesn’t hit him until much later that Clive is crying for both his parents, but the police or whatever take him from there. Hershel doesn’t adopt Clive right away, but he thinks about it for a few weeks. Maybe a week and a half.

He thinks about how Clive, a child in the same boots as his own, is probably just alone right now with no source of comfort for the pain hes feeling. He feels like that sort of feeling should be familiar though hes not sure why. He eventually goes back after thinking on it for so long and adopts Clive on impulse. Hershel is at a vulnerable point in his life so thinking straight is not an option, hes only doing what his brain is telling him is right. 

Cut to Hershel then realizing he doesn’t actually know how to raise a kid. He didn’t take any classes to teach him how and hes not exactly at a place where he can just ask his parents. So Hershel Layton, being the big brained professor he is, goes to Clark and Brenda like “Hey guys I know I only just lost Claire and things have been really rough and I just became a professor but like…I have a son now?”

Clark and Brenda are reasonably worried because “Hey Hershel you literally just lost someone and became a professor what were you thinking doing this.” but…they’re good friends? They help him. They help Hershel balance his work and his time with Clive and it really gets Hershel through the first good chunk of raising this child. When they move hes got an okay grasp on what to do. 

Now Clive’s half of this experience is fun. Clive is a pretty traumatized child as it is? Hes not going to open up to Hershel for the first month and a half. He doesn’t really know Hershel, and while Hershel saving him helped with trusting him, he doesn’t think he can talk to him just yet. Clive stays selectively mute for some time until hes sure hes going to be okay. Even when he is sure, he doesn’t talk a lot and won’t call Hershel dad (which Hershel is totally fine with.) but…they manage. Some days Hershel will get Clive coming into his office later on to ask about homework or something else. A word, a sentence, even a simple smile is an improvement Hershel is more than happy to see from this kid. 

When Clive starts to warm up to his new life he slowly begins to open up more about things that interest him as well. If this kid so much as looks at a book or a toy or something in a shop window and shows some sort of curiosity or interest in that item, you bet Hershel is going straight back there later and buying that thing just for Clive. Somethin like

The personality of Hershel doesn’t really change at all however Clive living around him means Clive isn’t as big of a lil shit as he is in game? Like don’t get me wrong hes still pretty...uh...snarky? But its not bad and he can control his temper just fine. Hes just got a bit of sass because thats who he is. Hershel doesn’t mind it. 

Uh..I want to say in terms of adventures, Clive isn’t with the group on all of them? Perhaps Last Specter, Curious Village, Pandora’s Box and Lost Future. But hes not there for Miracle Mask, Azran or Eternal Diva? Simply because the guy has other things to do. Does Luke still turn up and join the adventures? Yes! Luke is a key character in the games so it would be unreasonable for me to remove him. Clive absolutely treats Luke as a little brother. Luke really looks up to Clive just as he does Hershel.

And speaking of Lost Future, the entire plot would be different but I still want it to happen because...its kinda important? Like Dimitri still goes ahead and does whatever the hell he was planning but he just doesn’t have the brain of an angry child at his side. No one dies thats for sure. Clive doesn’t become violent at all but he does loose his temper quite often during the whole ordeal because its been years and its all bringing up bad memories he doesn’t want to have to think about. Hes just started to feel good again. He doesn’t want to have to deal with all of this. Claire still exists, still disguises herself, and is 100% confused when she sees Hershel has a son. She can’t ask directly about it in order to not blow her cover, but she does wonder. She wonders what lead Hershel to having a son and where Clive came from. 

She eventually gets Clive’s story in a passing conversation between the two when she asks why Clive is there with them. She knows the deaths of his parents aren’t her fault, but he can’t help but feel guilty about it all the same. Shes just glad to see Clive happened to land in good hands with a great father whose clearly raised him well. 

Idk the aus a bit funky and a little all over but I love it and I live for the concept I am so sorry this post is so long I have so much to say about it sdfdsf. I’m gunna write a fic about the convo between Claire and Clive at some point because I like the idea of it. 

[foxxfaggotry]

I'm really sure I have ADD/ADHD of some sort but I've never been diagnosed and seeing all your posts I'm like me, this is me, oh ffs this is me as well. Where did you go to get a diagnosis? Cause I'm hella nervous about even talking with a doctor about this, but like to actually be diagnosed and maybe even start meds and able to focus would be amazing.

Yeah! so, I am gonna give alittle bit of a history.

I know reading through all thismay be tough, so I will bold important/ main ideas to make it easier :)

I am 18 now and a senior in high school. I wasdiagnosed in 6th grade, so I was 11, making it 7 years ago (gosh, i didn’trealize it had been that long) that I was diagnosed. Prior to my diagnosis, Ihad moved all the way across my country (United States), from California toNorth Carolina right after the first grade and remainedin North Carolina from 2nd to 5th grade, the educationally formative years, and then after 5th grade, I moved back toCalifornia, I promise this is relevant. 

In North Carolina, there is a strong educational focus on Reading, Writing, and Math. These happened to be areas I am good in and I enjoyedand therefore, Iexcelled because I was interested. 

When I moved back to California,there was no emphasis on certain subjects, all subjects were equally importantand there were no special reading/writing/math programs that challenged me in away I liked, in the subjects I liked and was interested in. I became bored easily, school was notproviding me with the challenge I needed.

Uh okay so I started writing thisthe second I got your ask and then I got distracted and put it in a word docAND THEN I JUST REMEMBERED

Oh dang if that isn’t the bestexample of ADHD ever hhahah

 Anyways, I was failing in school,my grades were shit and I was a got dang mess!!! I couldnt remember the homework, i put off projects, i zoned out in class and i had so much missing work. I simply could not do what was needed at school. So my teachers were like, hey so ur kid wont stop bouncing their leggy?? And also doesn’t do shit and getsdistracted, but like, when they do actually turn things in, wowow brilliant??

So the school told my parents that i had to go get tested for this shit because i was just too much,, and so little sixth grade me went andgot tested and holy heck they found that yes indeedy I do have ADHD!!! Wow amazingisn’t it. From there, we consulted a professional and decided that for me, the best course of action was meds and so we started trying medications.

They started me on Stratera,then concerta, vyvanse, focalin, uhhh some other ones? Some for depression somefor ADHD, i cant remeber which is which, ive been on too many meds

Anyways, im on Ritalin and Seroquelright now and sometimes I don’t take my meds, and those days I am all over theplace and focusing is so hard!!

The meds don’t cure everything,but they make it much easier to focus, they give you the ability to concentrateif you try. thats the important thing to remember, meds arent a cure, no matter what people expect!! 

Lots of people think the meds are a fix all. Don’t believe them and dont get down on yourself, trust me, it isnt easy. You will have days where it doesnt work as well and you will be tempted to blame yourself for the meds not “fixing” things. It still happens to me and a large part of that is the mindset of other people. You will still have days where it is really hard to concentrate and you cant get things done, and that is normal and okay. The great thing about meds is that one day like that wont drag you into a cycle (the shit i cant do things, why cant i do things, i cant believe i did this again, now i cant do things even more, etc) as easily as before!!

Focusing is still difficult and you are still plagued with things, but the meds help to make it manageable, they enable you to actually get in the habits that people suggest to help yourself. 

there is alot of this like, self helps shit from ppl without adhd and honestly, miss me with that ablisitic bullshit yo. 

Okay so  yeah this kind of got away from me, im sorryabout that!!!

But basically yes please do talkto a doctor, just say something along the lines of hey, so I have seen thingsthings about ADHD and I think I may have it, here are my symptoms, here arethings I have trouble with. And don’t describe your best days, describe theworst ones. (for instance, I told mine that sometimes I would go days withoutproperly eating because I was so engrossed in whatever I was doing,  I just forgot to eat)

i hope this helped, sorry its so long!!!!