#simultaneously selfish and altruistic reason

[ideasnstuff]

Not an idea but a short thing nevertheless.

One of my favourite skk scenes.

A description.

Looking at Chuuya at that precise moment had become extremely awkward.

Well, in reality it had always been embarrassing to look at Chuuya, when the boy shone as brightly as a blazing flame.

Looking at Chuuya had always been simultaneously embarrassing and a source of inexplicable irritation.

But now... now that he looked at the boy in front of him... the one taller, now felt small.

Blood bubbled violently in the pale veins, producing human heat that Dazai was not even aware of its existence.

It contrasted, therefore, with the cooled air of the light and melancholy night.

The previous conversation had been done casually, in an attempt to calm Chuuya, who - Dazai had realized - hadn't needed any reassurance.

But seeing the face covered in pungent stains of dried blood on the white skin, writhing in an expression of irritation and frustration, it had been enough to confirm Nakahara Chuuya's usual state.

The boy was fine, as he always was.

And Dazai, faced with so much willpower, so much resistance, stronger than the burden of fate, could only feel a certain respect.

Looking at the boy had become wrong. Looking at someone who had been through hell on earth was extremely shameful.

But Chuuya didn't seem fazed by this, speaking and treating Dazai, a mere mortal, as if nothing had happened.

Who would have thought, that the annoying boy and arrogant, had become the remedy for Dazai's eternal and inherent boredom.

Surely, a year ago, Dazai wouldn't have guessed such a thing.

Even though from the first day he had laid eyes on the boy, he had felt something different, something protective and... necessary... he'd never thought that would be enough to continue playing the game that people called life.

And for that very reason, Dazai looked with different eyes - or rather, with his only eye - with a feeling of admiration, respect and some inferiority towards Chuuya.

He felt small next to the boy.

Oh- how his heart beat with atrocity against the fragile ribs...

He felt almost alive, the wind passing between them, like a caress from a mother's hand that neither had ever felt...

It was strange, but a pleasant and exciting strangeness.

So when Chuuya - altruistic and carefree Chuuya - had shown signs of wanting to sacrifice himself - the only person Dazai would eventually feel something for after his imminent death - had shown signs of his sacrifice - Dazai felt the need to at least try to stop that madness.

More for his own selfish sake, that for the city's sake.

He knew he was selfish, but he couldn't let the flame that still burned, albeit a little less than usual, go out.

But... and so he told him what he felt, feelings camouflaged by excessive logic.

Chuuya had looked at him, eyes gradually larger with each passing second, the storm looming over his captivating iris and his features more surprised than he had planned.

Would he be... surprised?

Why would he be surprised?

In order to find out why, Dazai took a moment to look at him.

A mistake.

A big mistake.

Chuuya's eyes pierced into his soul as if trying to see behind the superficial layer that Dazai covered himself with.

Even with the layer of baggage in his eye.

Terrifying.

Absolutely terrifying.

But... so... magnetic.

It was the pair of eyes that had made him want to live a year ago.

Stormy, confusing, misty... beautiful...

And with his face dressed in pain and chaos... Dazai thought that Chuuya was... even more fascinating.

And as a source of attraction and interest, Dazai had to look away, feeling a certain heat in the cheeks, cooled by the night air.

Chuuya didn't look away, his gaze seemed to see everything, revealing everything.

The visible and invisible.

And Dazai felt even smaller and more naked, stumbling over the words and feelings implied.

He knew nothing would change Chuuya's decision, but he didn't want to be the one who got in Chuuya's way.

Just that once... he allowed himself to open his heart, because... someone as deserving and fascinating as Chuuya Nakahara deserved it.

He deserved honesty and Dazai could give it to him.

It was the least he could do.

And at the end of it all, with the boy asleep in his arms, Dazai finally allowed himself to release the breath he had suppressed.

A small, relieved smile appeared on his lips, looking down at Chuuya in his arms...

He could say, now for sure, with honesty and a delicacy unknown to him...

"Sleep now Chuuya."

And Chuuya, like the obedient dog he was, or out of extreme exhaustion...

And he was so peaceful and quiet and so... so... Chuuya... unlike.

Stayed still.

His relatively misty eyes met Dazai's single eye before falling asleep in his arms... making Dazai suppress the emotional surprise that had invaded him, as soon as Chuuya had turned his head against his chest.

Chuuya was safe in those arms-

Dazai's arms.

He had trusted Dazai.

The guy that nobody in the mafia trusted.

But Chuuya? Chuuya... Chuuya did.

(Dazai convinced himself that it was because he had no other choice and not because of the trust he had in him-)

But either way... he was lying in Dazai's arms, sleeping in his arms, using Dazai's chest as a pillow... and Dazai fed the fantasy that at least Chuuya had-

Chuuya had trusted him.

Chuuya had trusted his life to him.

He couldn't let him down.

He laughed a little, a laugh that was more desperate and relieved than funny.

(He ended up leaving Chuuya on the ground, after a brief caress on his bloody face, cleaning it with the sleeve of his coat.)

[mysticdragon3md3]

🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋👨‍🔬🔨🍭🌞❤️‍🔥

I really don't think these things are mutually exclusive. A character can be sweet and sunshine at heart, but also selfish and committing lots of morally gray mistakes.

Some of my favorite characters are Lelouch vi Britannia and Claude von Riegan, for goodness sakes. They can be endearing and compassionate on an interpersonal level, while simultaneously committing war crimes. But one doesn't erase the other. In fact, being idealistic (not necessarily innocent) and full of love, is what makes them interesting when they do selfish, harmful, morally gray stuff. This Tweet may be warning about refusing to acknowledge that "Jayce can have flaws" would make him less interesting, but the reverse is also true: refusing to acknowledge that Jayce has goodness/altruism in him, makes his mistakes less interesting, because then he'd have no internal conflict about it. (Same for Viktor. What makes his tragic mistakes interesting, is how compassionate and altruistic he is too.)

And let's be serious, if Jayce wasn't in charge of the Plitover Council, his mistakes would result in much less impactful crimes. Yes, both he and Viktor would still be obsessive, ambitious scientists, pushing the bounds of ethics/taboos. And maybe they'd even still create technologies that end up hurting people. But that doesn't mean they can't still have the personalities of sweethearts.

In fact, being obsessive, intense, and "insane", and taking those traits into all their actions, including their sweeter moments/sides, is part of why we love them. Jayce and Viktor fans (and especially JayVik fans) wouldn't erase how obsessive, ambitious, and selfish they are, because when they take those traits, and layer them on top of their more innocuous aspects, that makes them more intriguing. We know Jayce is selfish, ambitious, and obsessive, because layering those traits on top of him being sweet, sunshine, and full of love, is what makes his sweeter sides more interesting. There's a reason JayViks love to joke about how toxically codependent Jayce and Viktor are with each other. Because that dangerous intensity is what makes the purity of their love so interesting. The sweet, pure sides are sometimes only so interesting because they are layered with those dangerous flaws.

Also, of course the fandom of an angsty, painful, tragic series like Arcane is going to spend the majority of our time, fixating on fluffy headcanons, domestic fluff, "slice of life" AUs, etc. It's the natural way that most fandoms recover from emotionally harrowing series. But just because we spend most of our time drawing domestic headcanons, coffee shop AUs, and school modern AUs, etc., doesn't mean that we don't recognize the characters' darker sides. We're not trying to erase it. We just want a break from emphasizing it the most, after the canon source material already focused so majorly on mostly the darker sides. If you think the algorithms are showing too much positivity, too much fangirling over Jayce's idealistic, sunshine, sweetness, there is a whole genre of "hurt, no comfort" angst in this fandom, just waiting to re-traumatize anyone. (In fact, most JayVik fans alternate back and forth between fangirling over their sweet sides and how tragic, angsty, and sometimes toxic, that they also are. "ALSO" being the operative word.)

We didn't "forget" that Jayce isn't solely an innocent ball of sunshine and actually has darker sides. We just know that when a fanfic/fanart is focused more on his sweetheart aspects, that his darker sides are more in the background, and often not relevant to the current situation. We also wouldn't trade a complexly layered Jayce for a simple, 2-dimensional ball of sunshine either. We know that just because he has a light side, doesn't mean his dark side doesn't exist; and just because he has a dark side, doesn't mean his light side doesn't exist. In fact, a lot of us like him BECAUSE he has obsession, intensity, selfishness, and ambition, in addition to his idealistic, sweetheart, naive, goofball sunshine.

This is the kind of thing I meant, when I once wrote about how Arcane season 1 likely attracted people with an affinity for "gritty realism". Sometimes, people with such tastes have no patience for whimsy, lightness, or having fun. I thought the only qualms they had was with season 2 becoming magical and fantastical. But apparently they also don't like the fandom focusing on the light and fluffy sides of characters/storylines.

This is just like that Tweet arguing that after the ravine, all the light in Jayce's eyes will never return. As if that jadedness would make Jayce "cool from now on". People trying so hard to make everything "grim and gritty". As if emotional vulnerability and softness wasn't what saved the world at the end of a story essentially about Love, in every character relationship subplot. Like the old saying: "Nothing is more immature than trying to hard to be mature." Every time I see fandoms trying so hard to be serious and cut out all joyfulness, I remember that adage.

[skaruresonic]

At this point it just feels like contrarianism for contrarianism's sake. Eggman can't be bad because he chooses to do evil things; something must compel him to fuck up the planet. If something in him is "broken," so to speak, it mitigates the impact of his misdeeds because he didn't really commit them out of malice.

Likewise, Gerald can't be a broken man who was pushed to despair due to human cruelty. He had to have been secretly Bad All Along(tm) somehow.

Since I usually spend time banging the former drum, let me switch to the latter. Gerald is a genuinely fascinating character, and his multitudes are myriad.

Shadow tells Maria that the Professor told him the reason for his (Gerald's) existence was "making people happy through the power of science." And Maria calls the Heal Unit his "greatest invention." Even Eggman is given to reflect on his greatness, and feels a certain dissonance between that and Gerald's destructive intent. That moral ambiguity is part of what makes him a compelling character.

It can be simultaneously true that Gerald was altruistic and pragmatic. He can have sanctioned the development of WMDs aboard his space colony while also taking measures to prevent Emerl from becoming one. He can be selfish in that he works to cure Maria at the expense of other concerns, and selfless in that he nevertheless accomplishes great things that benefit humanity.

The Eclipse Cannon represents this duality in his thinking. Whether it devastates or saves depends on how it's used. And, much like the Chaos Emeralds that power it, the Cannon channels one's intent to great effect. That which is powerful enough to destroy is powerful enough to protect; therefore, such power ought to be wielded responsibly, tempered with one's heart, one's soul, never to be abused for selfish gain.

Similarly, Shadow represents both the best and worst of Gerald's deeds: Shadow can either act as a weapon, consumed by hatred to the point of self-destruction, or he can protect the planet, in honor of his granddaughter's wish to "bring hope to humanity."

I would argue that it is because he once harbored great love for humanity that he condemns it so bitterly. Otherwise, he would have died in apathy.

it's so common to see takes like "Eggman isn't actually truly evil and thinks he's doing the right thing/maybe trauma turned him bad" and "maybe Gerald was actually fully a bad person and piece of shit before everything went wrong" and I feel insane I'm like bro wtf is going on why do y'all have it in reverse

both are just as offensively slanderous to me and I gotta jump in to protect my boys from it lol

[blerdeblerdeblerr]

Ambiguity in Black Sails:

One of my favorite things about Black Sails is its ambiguity. I'm sure I'm not coming up with many new insights here but this has been on my mind a lot lately and wanted to write down my ruminations. So many of the relationships in Black Sails have blurry outlines. James and Miranda, Miranda and Thomas, Jack and Anne at times, Silver and Flint, etc. I love how the show leaves so much wiggle room in these dynamics for us to project our own insights. Same with a character's sexuality, or a character's ending (gulp).

They are defined just enough for us to feel invested and satisfied, but just vague enough for us to apply our own interpretations to parts of it. I think it was Jon Steinberg who said something like 'the story demands that you feel something.' It requires us to fill in gaps based on how we feel about a character, a relationship, an action. And it's incredible because it means that we will love it more for the spaces it leaves us to fill in. Making it partly our story, too.

To you, Flint might only like men, and that is why his relationship with Miranda seems so distant and stale. Or maybe he loved both her and Thomas both romantically, but the loss of Thomas created such a void between them that they could no longer connect with one another. Maybe Thomas and Miranda were a marriage of convenience, great friends with real love between them but no romance. Maybe they all shared one another in a truly polyamorous relationship. The beauty is that it's never explicitly defined, so we choose based on how we feel and our own experiences. How I read those relationships doesn't invalidate a different reading.

Or, how you interpret Flint's ending has almost everything to do with how you feel about Silver - as a character, as a partner and friend to Flint, as a storyteller, as a man who refuses to share his past, as a lover to Madi. Do you feel for him? Does he annoy you? Do you trust him?

Silver's Choice:

For me, Silver's choice at the end, whichever ending you believe, is driven by love. But it's a selfish form of love. Taking away the choice and agency of the people he cares about the most while simultaneously destroying their life's purpose, their causes that they were willing to die for. To me his crime is not killing the war to save them, but taking away their choice entirely. He chose for them, knowing full well it was not what they wanted.

(Also worth noting that I think Madi is far more altruistic from the start. To me, Flint's motivations are dubious and debatable for a long time, as I believe he was fighting from mostly rage, revenge and grief from S1-S3. But I think post-cage / post-fireside / S4 Flint is a far more settled and integrated version of himself, finally fighting for more altruistic reasons - after unburdening his past to Silver and eventually becoming more closely aligned with Madi.)

But I cannot hate Silver for wanting to protect the woman he loves, just as I cannot hate Flint for killing Gates to keep his fight alive, nor can I hate Eleanor for hoping to gain her father's respect and despising Vane for stealing that possibility from her.

Jon Steinberg also said, "It is genuine and it is complicated, the way it is always complicated when you love someone."

[wenellyb]

Okay but what if Sam did indeed find Bucky during the AOU era? What if, at the party where Sam said he hadn't yet had a lead in heir 'missing persons case' he really hadn't but then shortly afterwards he got one and found Bucky. And he didn't involve Steve for two reasons. One altruistic because he didn't wanna burden Steve with more because the Avengers had Ultron fighting them. The other one kind of selfish, because Sam wanted to get to know this Bucky who worked so hard by himself to become himself again and Sam wanted to get to know him without Steve. And Sam obviously liked what he saw but Bucky also did (OBVIOUSLY). And because Bucky was now in a world that didn't brim as much with homophobia and biphobia (since I hc them both as bi), he felt freer to explore things with Sam. Then, fast forward to when Bucky was in Wakanda and he could and wanted to have visitors and Steve wasn't visiting, Sam was sometimes. And Bucky shows him all the cool things and Sam is just walking next to Bucky slack jawed and at the same time practically vibrating with excitement. (Btw you can't tell me Steve didn't wanna visit Bucky all the time) Fast forward to when they were all in the soul stone, they were simultaneously the annoying couple and the cool uncles. And then we're after Endgame and something just had to have happened that made them break up and after that, that's when TFATWS picks up with our beloved ex husbands who do a damn shitty job of convincing people they're not ex husbands

What do you mean "what if" when this exactly what happened...

Sam has too many connections and tracking skills NOT to find someone on the run.

Anthony has said that Sam went to visit Bucky in Wakanda every other weekend.

Let’s not even talk about the husband behavior in Endgame, because, Sam’s hand on Bucky’s shoulder at the funeral? Sam’s glance towards Bucky for reassurance before accepting the shield? What more do we need?

The first thing Bucky’s therapist says when she meets Sam is “I’ve heard a lot about you”, and then decides that even though it’s unprofessionnal, knowing Bucky and Sam’s relationship, the best course of action is t

How is this a what if situation when it’s the only thing that makes sense? 

TL:DR: Yes to all of this!

[lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean]

La Pomme ~ Chapter 14

Pairing: Sam x OC (eventual Dean x OC and Dean x Castiel. And I mean eventual.)

Series summary: George is a casual French-Mistake-universe Supernatural fan living in no-COVID 2020, who's life is upended when she's suddenly launched between realities, two years into the boys' past (S13E22). What begins as an insane, immersive fan experience turns into more when Jack goes missing and George offers up her AU information to help track him down. Soon it's discovered that she and Sam may actually have history. But that's impossible, right?

Word Count: 5,800

Warnings: {smut, fluff, angst, show level violence, swearing, mentions of suicide} ***Detailed warnings will be tagged for specific chapters.

A/N: Following the events of my prequel Paradise and second story From My Eyes Off. Reading those first gives context but isn’t necessary to start this one.

As annoyed as she'd been about Cas leaving against her better judgement, it felt good to be back on the road again. What she'd done yesterday, running away and searching for her family, had felt simultaneously necessary and awful the entire time she was doing it; like her nerves were sliding up against a cheese grater the wrong way. Worse than her standard feelings of unease. Being back in the car with Sam and Dean, finally headed once again toward Jack on their rescue mission, gave her a sense of peace and a strange kind of pain relief from the prior day's grating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now a threesome, Sam, Dean, and George had set sail again on their mission to find Jack. Everyone in the car--including George, surprisingly--seemed comfortable with Dean's music filling the silence for the first few hours.

That being said, at the moment there was a throng of angry butterflies swooping through her abdomen. Cas and Sam had said they trusted her, by which she was flattered, but she felt immeasurably guilty. Should they trust her? Sure, she knew she was leading them the right way to find Jack, but was she supposed to be leading them at all? For all she knew, she had disrupted their destined timeline and was causing all kinds of unknowable consequences that would come back to bite them all in the ass eventually. She was starting to wonder whether her intentions were purely altruistic or if she was really just being selfish.

They had a short way left to go when they stopped for a quick, light gas station lunch and Dean decided to get some shut eye. He denied it, but Sam was almost positive he needed to sleep off all the crap he'd been consuming. When they got back in the car, Dean laid down in the back, Sam drove, and George sat in the passenger's seat.

It was her first time in the passenger's seat of Baby and she was strangely giddy about it. Her eyes roamed over every inch of the infamous car, taking in the surreal experience. Sam's arm adjusting on the steering wheel caught her attention and her head snapped sideways to look at him. A memory of a dream she'd had years ago filled her sight and the Sam sitting next to her was 10 years younger, with shorter hair and a baby face, but he had the same expression on it. It was a strange kind of worried uncertainty, like he was trying to figure out a riddle he already knew the answer to.

The vision felt so real and before she could stop herself she blurted, "Sam?"

He turned to look at her quickly and in a blink he was back to the older, bearded version she was used to. She could tell she had startled him out of his thoughts. Quickly she covered, "Uh, can I ask you something?" He nodded with a quiet noise of permission and she asked, "What you and Cas said earlier… about 'trusting' me? Uh… were you serious about that?"

"Yeah?" He wondered why she seemed so stupefied.

"Well," George had to take a moment to figure out how to articulately ask her question, "Why? I mean what makes you believe you should?" The look on Sam's face made her chuckle, letting out a nervous breath she'd been holding; she quickly clarified, "Don't get me wrong, you definitely should trust me and I'm honored, truly. But, I'm a mysterious woman who showed up in the bunker one day with no provable explanation and now is claiming to have inside information about the location of your missing adult-son-angel-human? I should be a walking red flag to a Winchester. Like, at least as a safety precaution, you shouldn't trust me until you know me, right?"

"I know you--er, enough," Came falling out before he could stop himself. Quickly he stumbled to add, "I mean, I feel like I know you enough to know you aren't lying to me…? Anymore, I mean," He added upon remembering she'd lied about her origins when they first met. He didn't think that counted, exactly; he would have done the same thing in her situation.

"But… why? What makes you feel that way?" George pressed. She still didn't understand. What made him so quick to trust her?

Sam was quiet for a while, turning a pale shade of green, before answering, "Same reason I was able to find you at the hotel, I guess?" He glanced at her with a serious expression and could tell by her gulp that she knew exactly what he was talking about. The pull; she felt it too. He exhaled deeply and reminded her, "Good instincts?"

Staring at him curiously, she imitated him, "Yea… that must be it."

The air around them felt strangely electrified as they both sat in silence. They were each fighting their own internal struggles about what it all meant. She wanted to ask him what he meant, ask him what this feeling was and if he was feeling the same thing. He wanted to know what she knew about his dream. As Dean let out a sharp snore, they both debated whether it was the right time or place.

"Do you trust me?" He asked her suddenly and it surprised her.

"Uhhhh, yea? I mean…" She paused, seriously considering it for the first time, then nodded definitively, "Yes."

"Why?" He pressed with a smile.

Understanding his point, she rolled her eyes, "That's--"

Cutting her off, Sam admitted with a smile, "OK, maybe it's a little different, but… you trust me because I remind you of someone who you know to be trustworthy, right?" She nodded slowly and he shrugged, "It's kind of the same thing for me."

George's eyebrows furrowed at him, starting to get concerned that she already did understand what he meant. Still, she asked, "Oh-kay, but... the person you remind me of is Sam Winchester… and you just so happen to be Sam Winchester, soooo-"

"OK, I don't know exactly how to explain it without sounding crazy, but I feel a connection to you," He finally admitted. Each word scratched and clawed resistantly on their way out of his mouth while he squirmed in his seat.

"A connection? To me?" She was surprised. And not. He affirmed with a quick nod and she began to fidget nervously. What did he mean? Did she already know? Is it what she's been feeling, too? He couldn't possibly feel the same connection she felt, surely; what she felt was easily explainable by her having been a fan of the show. But then what 'connection' was he talking about?

Trying to gather her thoughts she blurted, "Why?"

Sam gripped the steering wheel tightly and admitted, "OK, uh, about ten years ago I had this... dream." His eyes were glued to the road, so he didn't notice George suddenly stiffen tightly, whipping around to look at him. She instantly remembered her memory flash from earlier and a strange tingling sensation in her gut told her she knew exactly what dream Sam was referring to. She knew this feeling had nothing to do with the show.

Of course she'd had lots of dreams about him, and countless other fictional or otherwise unobtainable people before, but the dream that sprang to mind had been… different. It had saved her life.

"A dream?" she croaked, sweat forming on her cool skin. Was it her or was it suddenly sweltering in the car? She was desperate to take off her hoodie, but felt like this was the wrong time to be stripping.

"It was right after Dean had died--and, at the time, I thought he was gone for good. I was trying to fix it but it was taking a long time. Things got pretty dark. And then one night I…" He hesitated for a moment and then said quickly, "I had a dream. In it I met a woman in a bar and she… well, she was trustworthy. She helped me... find the light again," He finished vaguely with a wistful, if slightly embarrassed smile.

George felt as though the world around her were still moving but everything about her was in suspended animation; her body, her thoughts, her functions, like someone hit pause on her.

The night she'd had The Dream™, she'd been left at the altar by her would-be-high school sweetheart, who ran off with her best friend, the maid of honor. The heartache had felt unbearable and she happened to have had access to some serious pain pills. In her grief, she assumed they, coupled with a few bottles of tequila, would be enough to end her pain. But instead she'd had an indescribably intense dream about a man who made her feel ridiculous about throwing her life away over a dipwad like Greg. And--purely coincidentally, she'd always assumed--the man from her dream had been Sam Winchester.

While her dream had been incredibly significant to her, it's not something she'd even thought about until this moment. Why would she? It was just her pill and booze induced dream haze, randomly manifesting a hot, loving, perfect person to help her see that life was worth living. Of course, she had always known it wasn't real, that she hadn't actually dreamt about the real Sam Winchester.

Obviously, that's ridiculous! Because, he's not re- She paused her thoughts when the man in question's anxious throat clearing snapped her back to the moment. Blinking finally, she looked at him closely and noticed that he was avoiding looking at her. He was white as a sheet and his jaw was clenched so tight, she felt sympathy pain in her teeth. A burning sensation in her lungs reminded her that she couldn't remember when she'd last breathed in.

With a quick, deliberate inhale she asked, "And I... remind you of this woman?"

The serious tone of her voice made Sam finally turn to look at her. Her expression told him his instincts were right but he couldn't believe it. The two of them stared at each other in shock for longer than was safe to be driving. Neither knew what to say.

The car swerved slightly when Sam was startled by a loud, screeching 80s guitar solo suddenly emanating from the backseat.

"Jesus!" George yelped, jumping out of her skin.

Dean rolled over and sat up with a grumble, "Close. Jimi Hendrix." He held his noisy phone up and dismissed the alarm, "Did I miss any stimulating conversation?" Sam and George both looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes before simultaneously mumbling vague denials. Dean was attune to their odd behavior but when he noticed a road sign for The Trees of Enigma, he opted to ask instead, "Where are we?"

"Oh, uh--'bout 20 miles from False Klamath. What's the plan?" Sam instantly switched to work mode when he realized they were getting close.

Dean raised an annoyed eyebrow, "Are we already that close? Didn't we talk about stopping at the last town for a motel first?"

"Er--uh, oh--right," Sam groaned and his eyes rolled back into his head in embarrassment. He was furious with himself; Dean had mentioned that plan at their last stop but Sam hadn't exactly been giving his brother his full attention.

"What?" George asked curiously. "When was this conversation?"

"At the gas station," Dean said matter of factly, watching as she narrowed her eyes at him. "It was just before we left. I wasn't hiding it from you; I mentioned it when you were walking back to the car. Remember, you got distracted trying to fish out that M&M that went down your top," He chuckled in amusement, looking to share the joke with Sam but finding him looking oddly guilty instead.

"Oh, yeah," She responded slowly. Looking down and pulling her top away from her chest, she muttered, "Did I ever get that out?" Dean snorted and then watched Sam glance over as she hooked a finger down her top to go fishing again, realizing why his brother had missed the motel plan in the first place.

"George, it's not--it's not like that--" Dean began but stopped short, not knowing what to say to comfort her.

When George's head suddenly popped up again, Sam jumped, his head jerking toward the road and Dean stifled a laugh.

Looking back at him, she asked, "Ok, but why would we stop at a motel when we're this close? It's the middle of the day, the place is still open." Looking back and forth between them, she saw their expressions slowly turn guilty and she realized. With a mildly offended huff, she stated matter of factly, "Oh, you were going to leave me at the motel while the two of you went to go look for Jack alone. Got it." Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned to look out the window. Dean and Sam shared a guilty, 'oh, shit' expression.

"It's just that..." Sam tried to pick up where his brother left off, wanting to explain, but he froze too. He couldn't stop kicking himself for being distracted by her--er, their conversation. He should have been paying closer attention and now they faced nothing but bad options. Options that put her life in more danger. "...Well, it's just-"

"Oh, calm down," She cut him off softly with a small eye roll, looking back at them. She sneered like a spoiled teenager, "It's fine; I'm fragile and weak and have no monster fighting skills to speak of. I'm a baby sans trench coat. It would be too dangerous and irresponsible to let me come with you, so you had a plan. I get it. Liking it is another story, but I get it. At least now I know how Jack feels," She lobbed, giving Sam an annoyed smirk, to which his head hung slightly. With a deep calming breath, she explained in a more poised tone, "I'm not upset, I'm just frustrated that there's nothing I can do about it; I know how fucking pig headed the two of you are when you're right."

"Even worse when we're wrong," Dean added empathetically after a beat and Sam nodded apologetically.

George snorted in agreement and sighed, "Alright, well your offensively infantilizing, yet totally justified plan to forcefully protect me has failed, so now what?"

Dean rubbed his eyes, letting out some thoughtful grumbles and trying to clear the sleep fog from his brain, "Uhm, well we just gotta keep driving to the next town, find a safe place for you there and then double back; start looking for Jack."

As Dean spoke, George allowed herself to focus on her instincts and there was suddenly a fire alarm going off in her head. There was a sense of urgency she couldn't shake. Jack was in trouble.

Looking directly at Sam, George begged, "The nearest town is nearly 20 miles away! We have to find Jack, now. We're this close and I don't think we have time to waste. I've got a bad feeling," Either because they were getting closer to where she believed Jack to be or because she was finally paying attention to something other than Sam, she could sense how much danger the kid was in. But Dean was shaking his head dismissively, not listening beyond her request to stop. She tried offering sweetly, "We can at least stop since it's right here and you guys can take ten minutes to ask around and see if they've seen him? Do your little detective cosplay, strictly recon--I'm not sure if I'm using that term right but it sounds cool, so just go with it. I will stay in the car! Please!"

Dean looked like he was considering it but quickly shook his head, "George, I don't think that's a good idea; you'd be completely vulnerable and we can't be distracted worrying about you when we're trying to find Jack." He then squinted at her, offended. "And it's not cosplay. We're hunters, not LARPers."

"OK, I've seen you LARP and I know for a FACT you fucking love it, Mr. Braveheart!" Dean gave her a shocked glare, forgetting again that she knew more about their lives than a woman he'd met mere days ago normally would. She continued before he could respond, "And seriously, you guys I have a really bad feeling," She held her abdomen for emphasis, "Jack's in trouble! Please, I'll stay in the car with all the doors locked and one of your big giant knives. I'll be OK! I stabbed you didn't I?!" George reminded Dean, though she knew she was grasping at straws now.

Dean's eyes narrowed, "OK, first of all, you sliced me a little an-"

"Enough! Dean's right, we're not risking your life, Georgia. It's too dangerous," Sam's tone was startlingly definitive and both she and Dean were a bit stunned. Now that he realized who she was--who she had to be--there was no fucking way Sam was putting her in anymore danger. He'd made enough lapses in judgment since she'd showed up, any number of which could have already gotten her killed. He was done taking risks with her life.

As they saw the 'coming up' sign for "The Trees of Enigma", he pushed his foot down, speeding up just enough to make his point.

"Sam, please listen to me! Jack is here and he's in danger! What about protecting him?!" Both Sam and Dean shared an uneasy look; she could see they were torn she just didn't know how to convince them. Desperately, she reasoned, "I will be fine in the car! I promise! I'm from the future, God damnit! Don't you think I would know if I'd died on an old episode of Supernatural?!"

"I can't take that chance," Sam replied sternly, gripping the steering wheel tightly. Dean and she shared a confused expression and George huffed.

When they spotted the giant Johnny Appleseed statue around the bend, her stomach dropped. She could tell by the look on Sam's face there was no use and she began to panic, pleading with him. He was resolute about continuing, but as they were coming up on the turn in for the parking lot, he suddenly felt the steering wheel pulling against him. The whole car started thumping hard on the left hand driver's side. It took them a second to realize they'd gotten a flat tire and Sam knew he had no choice but to pull off the mountain highway and into the tourist spot's parking lot.

As he safely maneuvered the car into a distant parking spot and shut Baby off, George couldn't help but thank her lucky stars.

"Motherfucker," Sam landed a punch on the steering wheel.

"Hey, hey, hey! Don't you take this out on her!" Dean shouted angrily. "A car is only as good as its driver."

"Oh, you know what?! Yo--" Sam began but he was cut off by George's impatience.

"It doesn't matter, stop fighting!" Her tone was authoritative. "We're here and we aren't going anywhere anytime soon. So, why don't you boys go be hunters while I put the spare on the car? I'll be preoccupied with the car, it'll give you a chance to gather some intel on Jack, and by the time you come out you'll be able to take me to a motel--Not like that, Dean." She cut him off when she saw a smart ass expression burst onto his face at her words.

"You can change a tire?" He asked skeptically instead.

"Yes, Dean, I can change a tire. Ya know, women can also vote and take birth control now, too!"

"No, I know women can, I'm asking: can you?"

She shoved him gently and opened her car door, ordering, "just get out and show me where the spare is!" When she exited, a grateful shiver ran through her at the piercingly crisp Oregon climate. She was thankful for the relief from her earlier panic sweating.

Sam and Dean both exchanged identical "I-don't-like-this" looks before getting out of the car after her and popping the trunk. Dean lifted the trunk and then grabbed the false bottom that held some of their weaponry, exposing the spare and equipment underneath.

"OK, here's the jack and the lug wrench," he handed her the two tools and then reached back in for the tire. "Lemme pull the spare out for you."

"Stop wasting time, I can pull a tire out of a trunk."

"No, really, it's probably going to take one person just to hold the weapons up." Sam gently nudged her out of the way and leaned in to grab the spare while Dean held up the armory. Sam set it down next to the flat and then shoved the jack into position underneath the car with ease.

"Hey, knock it off. I told you I can change a tire," She grabbed Sam's wrist and tugged him back from the car, gently shoving him and Dean toward the visitor center and gift shop. "Now go! Go find out what you can about Jack. The sooner you go, the sooner you'll be back." Sam and Dean exchanged nervous looks, hesitating. "I'll be fine. Go. Bring me back some salt-water taffy!" She joked, trying to distract them.

"Wait," Dean walked back over and flipped back down the weapons shelf in the trunk and pulled a 17" bowing knife from some hidden pocket. Holding it out to her hilt first, he said, "The biggest knife we have. Don't hurt yourself."

"Jesus," She gulped. "OK. That's… big." She took it from his outstretched hand, nodding apprehensively, trying to psych herself up should she need to use it.

"I get that a lot." As Dean winked, George let out a small laugh and brandished the sheathed knife at him, faux menacingly.

Sam took a step towards her and pointed his hands at her in prayer position, "Hey, the second you get the spare on, you get in that car, lock all the doors, and watch for us, OK? Don't leave the car for any reason. Promise?" Now he was pleading with her.

"What if I have to pee?" She joked half-heartedly, starting to feel nervous and selfishly not wanting him to go.

"You could always try using that empty Pepsi bottle you had your eye on the other day," Sam cracked a small smile.

"Don't. Don't do that." Dean interjected in a serious tone. "Let's go, Sammy," Dean had to pull Sam away with a rough tug and the brothers headed for the gift shop while George checked that the jack was in place and began wrenching it up.

When she finally finished changing the tire about an hour later, she was sweating again and even more grateful for the nice, cool outside air. She lowered the car to the ground, then picked up the jack and lug wrench, placing them in the trunk. When she turned around to grab the flat, a beautiful woman with long dark brown hair was standing practically where George had just been standing herself.

"Jesus!" George startled upon seeing her, reeling backwards into the trunk a little.

"No, I'm Duma. Are you with the Winchesters?" She got right to the point. George suddenly felt all the hairs on her arms stand on end; this woman definitely seemed familiar, but was she a demon or an angel? Or something else? George couldn't remember. She noticed that Duma was standing between her and the knife, which she'd stupidly left on the ground on the other side of the discarded tire.

Shit.

"The who?" George played dumb, trying to figure out what to do. The boys would be back any minute right? Duma was starting to give her a funny look, like she was studying her.

"What…" Duma paused, squinting her eyes and looking her slowly up and down, "what are you?"

"Excuse me?" George replied, a little dumbstruck--not to mention offended--by the question. She slowly placed her hand casually on the lip of the open trunk. She tried to dart her eyes down imperceptibly to where her hand was, searching for any weapons she might be able to grab. Duma started to slowly step closer to her, seemingly not noticing George's fingers moving toward the 3" tactical blade strapped just within reach.

"What are you?" Duma reached for her and George whipped the knife out of its holster, slicing it at her and causing her to jump back.

The little tourist shop was surprisingly busy. As Officers Page and Plant waited patiently to speak with the manager they'd asked for going on 20 minutes ago, Dean watched Sam closely.

"Not in the mood," George said, swiping at her again and taking a confident step forward as Duma retreated. "Now back off." George didn't notice the nameless angel minion that had appeared behind her and never saw the cosmic knockout coming.

-----

Finally Sam noticed and raised a perturbed eyebrow, "What?"

Dean smiled knowingly and shook his head, "Nothing."

"Good, then keep your eyes to yourself," Sam sneered at him. He was reeling from his last conversation with George. Despite his earlier convincing, he was now nearly positive she was the woman from his dream and it wasn't anything he wanted to discuss with Dean. Though, he felt like his brother could see the scarlet letter on his chest and it was putting him on edge.

Just then an aged, grey haired black man appeared at the counter and waved them over. He was tall with a little more weight around the middle than the rest of him and just the slightest hint of wrinkles along the sides of his face, denoting that the wide, friendly smile he was giving them was a typical look for him.

Dean chuckled and muttered, "Ooh, smitten Sammy is salty," as they walked up to the counter and flashed their badges at the man. Sam narrowed his eyes, biting back his response to focus on the job at hand.

"Can I help you, Officers?" The wrinkle-faced man asked, eyes scanning the police badges curiously.

"We're looking for a missing person," Dean stated as Sam held up his phone with a picture of Jack for the man to see. "There's a chance he's in some real danger. Have you seen him?"

The man looked carefully at the photo and then shook his head apologetically, "No sir, I don't believe I have. But there's a separate shack for our walking tour tickets. Molly's been out there working the window all day. If he came through she'll know."

"Thank you, how do we--?" Sam asked quickly, putting his phone away.

"Just go back out the way you came, follow the wooden fence along to the left, and you'll see a path for the walking tour," The man pointed the way with a renewed, jovial smile and they thanked him.

Exiting out the door, the brothers followed the man's directions until they found the walking tour shack. Behind the plexiglass window was an older woman they could only describe as a redneck hippie. What they could see of her outfit was jean overalls and a cotton tie-dye shirt. She had the tanned leathery skin of a woman who spent her life either working in or enjoying the outdoors, her bleach blonde hair was hair sprayed to heaven, had dark black roots, and her teeth were a muddy shade of smoker yellow. On the tip of her nose sat a pair of small, round, purple tinted glasses attached to a beaded chain around her neck and her overalls were covered in an eccentric mishmash of flair that included the NRA and the Grateful Dead.

Dean gave a charming smile and began, "Officers Page and Plant. Molly, I presume?"

"Hello Gentlemen," She greeted happily with a wide, appreciative smile, removing her glasses from her nose and laying them against her chest. When they lifted up their badges she raised a brow, "Oh, 'Officers,' I see."

"Everyday of my life. How can I be of service?" She was sizing them both up carefully, appraising them.

"We're looking for someone," Dean repeated as Sam held the phone up for Molly to see. "Have it on good authority he might have gone through here. Any chance you've seen him?"

Molly reached up and grabbed her glasses again. Slipping them on quickly, she leaned closer to the glass and inspected the photo.

"Hard to say," She started, squinting her eyes a bit. "But there was a baby faced young man that came through with his sister a little bit ago. Could be the same guy, but my eyes just ain't what they used ta be."

"How long ago?" Dean asked seriously.

"Maybe an hour?"

"How did he seem?"

"Quiet and moody," Molly shrugged, "typical for your average young boy dragged here by their family. Didn't think much of it, honestly."

"What did his sister look like?"

"Shorter than him, but just as pale. Long brown hair, brown eyes I think? I'd say mid-twenties. She looked about as thrilled to be here as he did."

"Did they buy tickets?" Sam asked quickly.

"Sure did," Molly nodded. "Paid cash, asked for the fastest route to the wilderness trail." She picked up a map sitting in the display case in front of her, then grabbed a pen and drew out directions quickly, as though she'd done it a thousand times before. Handing the map through the small cutout in her window, she stated, "These are the directions I gave them."

"Thank you very much for your assistance, Molly," Sam said sincerely, grabbing the map and taking a few steps back, ready to head toward Jack.

"No problem, Officer," Molly said with a sweet smile, then turned to Dean and said, "Listen, I have a granddaughter you'd be perfect for." Dean raised an intrigued eyebrow, a charming smile appearing on his face as Molly reached up above the plexiglass and yanked a photo down from the shelf. Holding it out for Dean to see, she suggested, "Maybe the two of us can figure out a way to get her away from her no good, crank dealing boyfriend, eh?"

Initially interested, Dean moved closer to the photo and then wrenched back quickly, "Molly… Uh… how old is--"

"Sheila. She'll be 17 in October. Ain't she a beauty?" Molly grinned proudly. Dean and Sam both tried to hold back grimaces.

"Oh, of course, I understand," Molly nodded quickly and grabbed up a pen and another map, scribbling a note and handing it through the plexiglass. "Here's her SnapChat. She's always looking for new friends!"

"Well, she certainly takes after her grandmother, doesn't she?" Was all Dean could think to say. Luckily Molly was clearly flattered and he added quickly, "But, uh, we're on official police business right now, so I can't real--"

Dean, masking his horror like a pro, took the glossy, folded piece of evidence and nodded, "Thanks, Molly. You've been a real help."

"Anything for you, Officer!" She called after them as he took a few steps to catch up with Sam and the two of them began heading down the trail.

After tossing Dean's map in the first trash can they could find out of eye-shot of Molly, they followed Sam's map for about a mile along the trail before coming to a split. The two of them looked first left then right. The left path went straight around the mountain, the right path wound up the mountain in a zigzag pattern.

Sam checked the map again, "OK, she directed them this way," he pointed toward the left.

"Hold on," Dean said, having turned around. He was now facing about 90 degrees to the left of the left path. "You see this?" Sam turned to look and saw a line in the surrounding ground ivy that looked like a man made path. It clearly wasn't as used as the other two and it wasn't on the map.

"What about it? Molly sai-"

"Look," Dean instructed, pointing into the forest. As Sam scanned the area Dean was pointing at, Dean started slowly following the small, easily missable path. He followed him, still not seeing anything of interest, and they walked about 40 feet before Sam finally noticed a patch of dark green that looked decidedly unnatural against the normal foliage.

As they got closer it became clear that what they were seeing was a dark green nylon winter coat. The coat was attached to a body that was crumpled on its side, as though tossed into the vegetation in a hasty effort to hide it. Drawing their weapons, they approached carefully. Dean got there first, finding a small, fair skinned, brown haired woman.

"Jack's 'sister'?" Dean asked bending down to place two fingers on the young woman's neck, though she was very clearly dead.

"That's Tilly!" Sam said sharply, finally catching up.

"You mean, it was Tilly," Dean looked at him curiously.

Sam grimaced and explained, "Another refugee. She's been training with us. I thought she was on a Wraith hunt with Steiner and Green."

"So, what's she doing here?" Dean asked, standing up straight again.

"And why did Jack come with her? They hardly know each other." The two of them quickly swept the immediate area for any clues but found nothing more. Moving her body farther out of sight for the time being, they then continued cautiously forward along the path.

[a-captions-blog]

[Plain text from OP: 1. I am going to be homeless in 30-37 days. 2. This will be pinned, so check the former Pinned post for payment methods and further details in terms of financially and otherwise. Halloween will not be a very treatful time for me, as it seems. \End PT]

[First reblog plain text: October 14th, 2023 Writing at 4:50 PM EST. \End PT]

[Second reblog image descriptions, taken from alt text: 1. "An ask from @ DifferentsThings that says: (start caps) I am disabled Black single mother with 3 kids I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone (end caps) what I'm doing in my everyday life too get help because believe me or NOT but I am actually in programs and in touch with every resource possible in my area for housing, food, and medical help!!! My Goal is $310 but now I have received $114.71 please help me. (start caps) donate anything/share, rb If you want to help me and my 3 kids because we need 15 people to donate $195.29 please help me and my 3 kids, thank you. (start caps) donation page in bio (end caps) Text has been added to the screenshot saying, ‘Please don’t harass her, I implore y’all. Help her. I am unable. I blocked for my own reasons. No one deserves this amount of suffering.’ Answer from OP: …*sighs* Okay so. I didn’t know how to respond to this. But…this felt extremely familiar and not in a good way. I am sorry for your situation, and I can emphasize with it. That’s as far as I’m able to go on that. In addition to being triggered from the simultaneous screech noise from multiple devices in the place I am staying in. This ask triggered a flashback to…well. I’ve had enough on that. I am only answering this ask to affirm a boundary I wish I didn’t have to reinforce again. As much as I’d love to help you, I can’t, not financially. The most I can do is answer this ask but that’s as far I can go without depersonalization and elongated dissociative periods. Boundary: if you send this type of ask to me, or DM me similarly, and I do not know you; please be aware your ask and/or DM will be deleted and you will be blocked if it is pushed to me further. 2. I know what it’s like to be smothered cruelly and on your last of ropes, I wouldn’t wish it anyone. These initiate flashbacks I don’t wish to relive again. I do not have the mental capacity to continue to endure what I have from being altruistic and helping folks left and right in a honorless battlefield. I can’t do it anymore. Certainly not now. I’m trying to stand on my feet again after all I experienced. No. I hope you find the financial help you need. I wish the best for you. Don’t send me this kind of ask again. Text edited onto the screenshot says, ‘I was triggered from the indicated ask’s contents, it sent me into a mental space I was fighting to avoid already; so pardon my harshness. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem, but it happened right after the above post.’ The next reblog in the chain is from OP: (start italics) *Just had to block and remove an ask from my inbox in this fashion* (end italics) Lemme…lemme be clear. The warning above is your only warning. If I seem selfish for this then selfish I will be. • If you are following me hoping to ask for money, shares, and otherwise; and I find out or even suspect of such intentions, you’ll be filtered and blocked. • I am minding my business, asking for help when needed. If it’s seen that I give to others and not to you, it is nothing short of the fact that I don’t know you and I don’t have what’s needed to even help you. • Consider the fact that this is the wrong blog to go to for these kind of things. This is my main content blog. I have two others, and those are not to be floored and flooded with these kinds of asks either. • Respect my damn boundaries or be blocked. If I am cruel so be it. I don’t have the patience to be honorable in an honorless battle. Play someone else. Not me. This is tagged #boundary setting and #reblog ask]

[Third reblog plain text: November 7th, 2023 Update on CJoat becoming homeless. I wish to update this post. I don’t think raising 500K at minimum, as spoken about here, is going to work, according to the realtor I contacted, housing vouchers don’t seem to help with purchasing a home, rentals sure; but not mortgages. Despite the gravity of my situation, it’s been at least 2.5 years for trying to hear word on Section 8, but other then renewing these applications, buying a home will not provide me housing any faster than within 6 days, (as of yesterday it was 6 days until the 12th the day I would have to leave. As such, I asked for an extension, they’re (the family I’m staying with) providing an extra week; and will allow my mail to continue to come even after that. This is good news, albeit buying time; but I’m going to need help still with housing before November 19th. See my payment links provided. Other than that, this situation has been wearing worse on my mental state, and I’ve having been slowly noticing that when I reblog posts, the reblog doesn’t adopt the tags from the reblogged post. I am so sorry about that, especially on @cjoat-boost and @mars-da-volcanic-elemental reblogs are not tagged accordingly, with content warnings and trigger warnings. Becoming homeless has weighted heavily on my mind, to the point of constant terror. I can barely function these days even with trying to do what I can to uplift folks’ voices in need. I will do better as I go. I’m exhausted and cramping excruciatingly. So I will end this post here.]

[Fourth reblog plain text and image descriptions: November 12th update Image 1: Screenshot of an email titled, ‘Your online AT&T bill is ready.’ The email states that a payment of $64.43 is due on 20 November 2023. Image 2: A second email with the same title that states that a payment of $142.97 is due on 26 November 2023. Image 3: A screenshot showing the confirmation screen for a payment of $64.43 on 12 November 2023. \End descriptions]

I’m shaky, tired, and stressed as I type this but-

I am going to be homeless in 30-37 days.

Um…I have stayed the extent of the time I’ve been able to stay with the folks I’m currently staying with. I had stayed a few months already. Since mid-May 2023. No one expected me to come and stay this long. They were able to house me longer term. Life just had other plans. They did as they were able. They know my situation. They, nor I, can’t control the systems and all. But I do need to go.

I’ve received 30 days notice. They can extend a week, but no further (thus the 37 days). I’ve put in housing applications, to help with housing, and I’ve checked with other friends that I could possibly stay at, in this state at least. But neither are able to take me in. Which I knew already as they explained their situations and I’m not going to add myself to the mix of their daily lives. I’m grateful for the family I’ve been with and their hospitality. I have run out of options in terms of safe places to stay. I saw it coming a few weeks back I just…

Everything I’ve worried about came flaring up again. I can’t go back to my abusive mom. Nor any of my family, as the majority of them are Christians. I don’t want to live in that atmosphere anymore. The only reason I know the folks I’m in is because of an ex-partner, and their network which…I’m no longer dating due to traumatic reasons. I have reached out to others to see what else I can do immediate-wise.

I don’t…I don’t know what else to do; or where else to go atm within state. It’s bad timing too, just on my part, It’s getting cold. I haven’t located my winter coat. The most I have is my winter boots and sweatpants and sweatshirts as winter clothing; along with other things, which may not even all fit in my one suitcase.

I knew it was coming but…It……I’m…really fucking scared. So I come to y’all. I will…turn off my throne wishlist for now. Without an address to send things to, I can’t receive them without complications. 30 days from now is November 12, 2023; 37 days is November 19, 2023.

I’ll pack starting tomorrow. I…need financial support, encouragement, love, or…miraculously a place I can call my own without a landlord involved. Landlords are already shitty in majority. Very little are truly good folk.

I don’t want to be driven to the dark depths of my mind that put me in where I may take my own life as it’s better than this constant up and down whiplash of lash. I’m not in that state of mind. I would like to keep it that way. I have promises to keep. Promises that keep me alive and would affect many if I don’t keep them.

This will be pinned, so check the former Pinned post for payment methods and further details in terms of financially and otherwise. Halloween will not be a very treatful time for me, as it seems.

Thank you for reading.

[wildcat2030]

"As we have seen, the tendencies to detachment and to need identification and to profound interrelationships with another person can coexist in healthy people. The fact is that self-actualizing people are simultaneously the most individualistic and the most altruistic and social and loving of all human beings. The fact that we have in our culture put these qualities at opposite ends of a single continuum is apparently a mistake that must now be corrected. These qualities go together and the dichotomy is resolved in self-actualizing people. We find in our subjects a healthy selfishness, a great self-respect, a disinclination to make sacrifices without good reason. What we see in the love relationship is a fusion of great ability to love and at the same time great respect for the other and great respect for oneself. This shows itself in the fact that these people cannot be said in the ordinary sense of the word to need each other as do ordinary lovers. They can be extremely close together and yet go apart when necessary without collapsing. They do not cling to each other or have hooks or anchors of any kind. One has the definite feeling that they enjoy each other tremendously but would take philosophically a long separation or death, that is, would remain strong. Throughout the most intense and ecstatic love affairs, these people remain themselves and remain ultimately masters of themselves as well, living by their own standards even though enjoying each other intensely. Obviously, this finding, if confirmed, will necessitate a revision or at least an extension in the definition of ideal or healthy love in our culture. We have customarily defined it in terms of a complete merging of egos and a loss of separateness, a giving up of individuality rather than a strengthening of it. While this is true, the fact appears to be at this moment that the individuality is strengthened, that the ego is in one sense merged with another, but yet in another sense remains separate and strong as always. The two tendencies, to transcend individuality and to sharpen and strengthen it, must be seen as partners and not as contradictories. Furthermore, it is implied that the best way to transcend the ego is via having a strong identity."

There Is No One Way to Live a Good Life - Scientific American Blog Network

[nvya-s]

On Keith’s sense of ethics and dishonesty...

I was going to just reply to this post because it deals with a similar reading of the same scene but got a little worried I’d be derailing the conversation and/or making the post unreasonably long. I still want to source that post since it’s based around the same topic but I’ll try not to repeat what was already said. I apologize if I’m stepping on anyone’s toes.

I re-watched that episode a few days ago and had the exact same revelation because Keith only really loses his cool after Hunk pipes up and mentions that he wants to go home as well. That’s the point when Shiro has to step in.

I think it’s also telling when you contrast Keith’s reaction with Allura’s. Notice that Hunk phrases his words like their desire to go back home should have been obvious to Allura: “Of course I do!” 

She meanwhile seems genuinely shocked that they wouldn’t want to fight for her cause and/or that they believed they didn’t have a choice in the matter. Although she is disappointed and worried about what this means for the future, I think it’s clear Allura wouldn’t stop them from leaving if they truly wanted it. It just never even occurred to her that they weren’t 100% on board. 

Keith, however, completely loses his composure and kinda falls apart. He deliberately stands in front of Pidge to physically prevent her from leaving. Then he legit charges her. Keith is more than annoyed; he’s visibly agitated and stressed. The situation didn’t really warrant this reaction if it were just about Pidge disagreeing with Keith’s sense of obligation. If that were the case, his reaction would have been closer to Allura’s. But he’s acting as though he’s cornered, which is odd when you think about it. And I remember hearing a phrase once that said “there is no such thing as an aggressive dog, only a scared dog.” Keith is obviously not a dog, but you get the analogy. 

The bottom line is Keith isn’t acting like himself in this scene. This is the first (and only) time in the series we’ve seen Keith get legitimately hostile with another member of the team; his reactions to Lance’s antagonisms are never even this strong. 

That said, I don’t think it’s because “he thought it was selfish to abandon their mission” or because “he had no idea how it felt to have people to return to” but I do very much agree he was acting on the fear that the team would leave him. Everything about Keith in this scene screams that he’s scared.

Going back to the comparison with Allura, I think she is the real deal in regard fighting unconditionally for what she believes is right no matter the consequences. Keith, on the other hand, is not as altruistic as he pretends to be, nor is his moral compass that stiff. Keith frames his tirade toward Pidge (even though he is actually set off by Hunk’s comments and continues to take it out on only Pidge) in a way that suggests they’re the ones not thinking of the Greater Good. He accuses Pidge of being selfish. Yet going off his body language and the way he's acting, I firmly believe this was all about Keith and what Keith was afraid of. This wasn’t about doing the right thing or any sense of duty. Keith was covering for his own desires.

And if you don’t believe me based on that scene alone, season two – where Keith’s repeated actions contradict everything he said here – makes it a lot clearer. He at one point makes a decision to leave the team (in which he still lies to Allura after he’s been caught and claims to share her equally reckless but honorable motives -- despite context implying he was thinking about leaving for good) and then S2 literally puts us inside his head.

From the mindscape during the trials of Marmora, we know Keith’s biggest fears are tied into (1) being accused of thinking only of himself and (2) being abandoned. I think the fear of being abandoned speaks for itself. Part of his reason for participating in the trials in the first place is to figure out where he came from. And yes, Keith may have “chosen to be alone” (fake!Shiro’s actual accusatory words thrown at him during the Trials) and he may have made the best of his situation, but he desperately wants a family. This is pretty explicit in canon.

On the other hand, I believe Keith’s hangup with selfishness is a fear of being perceived as being selfish, rather than actually acting that way. He doesn’t want to be seen that way but simultaneously accepts it about himself. I think the Keith we see here is the most honest version of himself we’ve seen in series. 

He doesn’t deny it because he’s fully aware it’s true, but he does try to justify his behavior.

Keith is more than capable of seeing past two-dimensional morality and actively adapts to new information as it comes to him. He’s not so hyper-focused on “doing the right thing” that he’s blind to nuance. It’s quite the opposite in fact. He recognized before this episode that their enemy may have more complex motives than being evil for the sake of being evil. He’d been talking about it all season long. He knows it’s not as simple as Good versus Bad. That has never been Keith’s problem.

Keith is, in general, an emotionally reactive person. This facet of his personality contradicts his vocal (not in action) decision to prioritize Voltron over Allura’s life. This contradicts everything he said to Pidge but not the way he physically reacted. Keith is repeatedly saying one thing and doing another. 

That’s not to say Keith won’t grow into the person he pretends to be, because I believe he will, but right now there is a dichotomy between his actions and his words. He acts like he prioritizes the Greater Good and that he is unwavering in fighting for just causes, but in reality his personal motives are a little murky.

So why would Keith make such a big deal about being perceived as selfless, heroic, and Good even if he believes he’s not?

Maybe because he’s known since he was on Earth that he wasn’t human and he needs to prove that he’s not a monster. Maybe because that’s how he’s always perceived Shiro and he wants to be like that too. And maybe, just maybe, Keith – like any other teenager – is confused, insecure, and just wants to be liked.

[yourheartsaremine-blog]

Akira or Akechi reacting to their S/O sacrificing themselves in place of Akechi in Shido's Palace?

MY FIRST REQUEST IS AN ANGST ONE bless. I love angst. I absolutely can’t write it for beans, BUT I LOVE IT.@revealyourtrueform just wrote an absolutely A++ prompt response to a similar request that was more Akechi-heavy, so since you said Akira or Akechi, I just did the former. :’D I HOPE THAT’S OKAY FFFFF

WARNING: Spoilers for the 7th Palace (aldfjfhgd though nothing really that the prompt itself doesn’t state)

He should have known that this was coming.His S/O had expressed some uneasiness the night before. They hadn’t been ableto discern any sort of reason for their sudden bout of anxiety, but Akira didn’tpush for answers; he simply offered them his arms that night, letting themnestle close as he pressed his lips atop their head. He thought that perhapsthis feeling would pass given enough time—that it would be easily washed awayand forgotten by morning.There was no reason for him to have thought that that would be the last time hewould have them in his arms.Akira knew what kind of person his S/O was; he knew that they were the type to be driven by altruistic intentions andthat the warmth in their heart would not allow them to simply sit back ifsomeone was in trouble. It had been one of many reasons that he had fallen forthem in the first place, and yet now, in the split second before the steel doorcame down between them, he almost wished that they were the more selfish type—thatthey cared less about other people and more about themselves.

Perhaps he was the selfish one for desiring so.A moment of stunned silence settled over the Phantom Thieves. Akechi, who hadbeen flung to safety, stared at the door from where he was sprawled on theground, his disbelief evident in his widened eyes and parted lips. As everyone struggledto come to terms with what just happened, Akira was the first to break out ofhis stupor, his throat tightening as he closed the distance between himself andthe door in large strides. Everyone jolted as their leader called out, his shout emphasized by thepounding of his fist against the metallic surface. His voice lacked his usualquiet  composure, replaced instead by thestark desperation of someone who instinctively knew that he was about to losesomething dear to him, but refused to give up despite it. It was almostjarring; the boy who so rarely raised his voice was yelling now, and the namethat left is lips was not the codename that he always took the utmost care touse, but the true name of the person who was now trapped beyond the door.“We have to do something!”“Can’t we get them out? Oracle!”“I-I’m trying! Hang on!”He was vaguely aware of his teammates’ panicked cries from behind him, but hisattention was focused mostly on what little he could hear from behind the steelpartition. There was a muffled voice that he recognized as the cognitive Akechi’s,and then…“Joker.”He jolted slightly. Though soft, the voice of his S/O was relatively clear,indicating that they must have been standing just opposite of where he was.Instinctively, Akira leaned in and pressed his gloved hands more firmly againstthe surface in a futile attempt to get closer, to comfort them with his warmthand proximity, just as he had the night before. When he spoke, his words cameout in a rush. “I’m here. Hang in there, we’ll get you out, I promise that wewill.”He received a soft, familiar laugh in response. It was a sound he had alwaysadored, but here it lacked the joy that he had always been so used to, and theway it had cracked slightly at the end had not gone unnoticed by the boy. Handstrembling now, he took a step back and lifted a hand to his mask. Did he have aPersona that could tear through steel? It didn’t seem likely, but he couldn’tbear with the thought of simply standingthere either. If he could just even puncture the door somehow, then maybe—“I love you, Akira.”Akira let his hand drop. Though it was not the first time he had heard thosewords from them, he somehow knew immediately knew that it would be the last.Despite the rapid tightening of his throat, he slowly opened his mouth toreturn the sentiment, even though he knew that those three little words wouldn’tbe nearly enough to express all of his feelings. Somehow, even “I love you”seemed too shallow to properly convey the depth of his affection—how he hadsometimes daydreamed about permanently moving to Tokyo for them, and how he hadthought about what it’d like to get an apartment together, and then perhaps, inthe distant future—A gunshot rang out from beyond the door, simultaneously silencing both hisfriends behind him and his own thoughts. There was a long stretch of silencethat was finally broken weakly by Futaba. Her voice was faint as she confirmedwhat they all knew had happened.The words of affection died on Akira’s lips, and with it, all of the warm dreamshe had held within him.

[bloodandwinemuses]

The Hierophant: What is one rule or law your muse would never break? [I'm curious about this for all your muses, actually]

Nolan: 

Admittedly, there is no singular response to this in his case considering that his individual background vastly differs along with his respective goals. In his researcher verse, his wish to complete his parents’ life work is an amalgam of everything: an excuse used to run away, a sense of direction, and to rekindle memories of them in the process, however scarce his time spent alongside them might have been. Based on this, it is incredibly unlikely for him to prioritize people over his meticulous process of ensuring his parents won’t be forgotten. Being somebody who is most loyal to family regardless of a strained or a largely harmonic relationship, the aforementioned need to chase after ghosts equals not only a sense of direction, it likewise constitutes as the most essential - no exceptions. Naturally, he might indulge in the idea of settling down with somebody he is romantically interested in, but sooner or later Nolan showcases a tendency to repeat history: namely to shoulder his backpack and to walk the path anew. With this in mind, it is no surprise that while he is able to care deeply about others, Nolan will not place their needs or wants over what he must do. 

Or so he tells himself. In Truck’s particular case, for example, he somehow finds himself coming back - provided he can find him - for something really quite simple: company. Regardless, I don’t believe Nolan would be so foolish as to abandon everything he’s ever wanted. This is not a rule, per se, but it’s important to him as a character nevertheless. 

Alexander: 

I’ve posted his section separately. It can be found in his character development tag here. 

Espen: 

Although he is barely a month old - not even a month, actually - I have a feeling, whether premonition or something else entirely, that the only rule he’s really set for himself is to enjoy life freely. This, of course, comes at the expense of others ( which he is often not quite aware of, as his ability to emphasize with somebody else seems quite low) but it’s not borne out of purely selfish motivation either. As somebody whose childhood was unmistakably linked to death and, once a child who lost people dear to him in a string of unfortunate events, he’s really quite uncompromising about pursuing whatever pleasure he can get. Hell, his entire tattoo collection is a homage to that. I don’t think there’s anything he values more. At least not based on what I do know about him right now. 

All in all, it’s escapism. Where Alexander seeks to hide in fiction, behind a book or emulating a character from a play, Espen copes with his past by living without compromise, seeking distraction and gratification in materialistic things and moments rather than make believe worlds. Afraid, naturally, to let anything other than hedonistic endeavors mean anything lest it has the potential to hurt him. 

Lin: 

See, she is a hard one to narrow down, much less bind to one specific rule she would never break. First and foremost, she’s an opportunist, completely unperturbed by this fact. Sure, there’s duality to her personality, for she is not just this bitch or bully willing to fight dirty to remain in control, nor is she necessarily ravenous for power at the expense of all else. But she can be, to the point of where there’s little concern for her own well-being or that of others. It just matters that she gets what she wants ( which can be anything that’ll satiate her needs. She wants to mess with your mind because you insulted her pride? Well, too bad, because that’s exactly what she will do until she’s achieved what she has set her mind to, and don’t you think she isn’t efficient at what she does. This is somebody who has had to fight in every verse to get to where she is, to become the woman many respect, yet avoid on more intimate terms. )

And yet, there certainly are maternal aspects about her: the family away from home at the shop, all of whom are misfits in their own right. Surely, Avery wouldn’t have been given a chance by anybody else, what with the cantankerous demeanor he cultivates and the not so infrequent, obscene slips of the tongue. But she saw potential in this asshole and took him in, even though there was hardly anything for her to gain at the time. It is true, all vices notwithstanding, that she has an eye for talent, no matter if society would much rather not deal with the likes of them. Perhaps this is ultimately borne out of her wanting to prevent others from feeling the way she did as a wee lass - powerless, helpless - so, for all her adversarial tendencies, she is not without principles. It begs the question of whether or not she would put this instinct, this wish for kindness and the willingness to extend it ( however particular her brand of benevolence might be) above her need for control and the feeling of being on top to fuel her spirits, which she would not. Her pride always comes first, and it is a rule of sorts - for her - to guard what she’s accomplished with whatever methods she sees fit. Of course, her animosity towards others borders on the ridiculous sometimes, and her ability to suspect others of making her look like a fool ( or a stupid girl) has been really quite amplified by the amount of dim-witted assholes and teeth she’s had to pull out. 

Besides, she wouldn’t know what to do with kindness - genuine, of the altruistic kind - if it hit her square in the face. 

Avery: 

I’ve said it times and times again; I will never tire of repeating it: Avery is a good person, but not a nice one at that. See, it would take paragraphs to really drive home the point of how important it is for him to feel safe and secure - moreso than anything else. His childhood and consecutive years have wired his mind to always be in a state of alarm, to feel as if there’s danger just round the corner. As such, his own experiences and environment have instilled in him a deeply-rooted fear of people, leading him to mask his anxiety as blatant, raw aggression. More often than not, he is likened to an animal being backed into a corner - and not without reason. 

Simultaneously, the one rule he would never break is his own sense of morality. He will never look away when another person is harmed,picked on, ridiculed or in a situation in which they’re obviously at a disadvantage - his own safety be damned. He’s tiny, yes, but he didn’t survive simply by taking on dodgy jobs. Underestimating him is about the last thing you should do. 

Sím: 

Sím is a gentle, soft-spoken soul in spite of toxic environmental factors which could’ve contributed to his resorting to defense mechanisms and coping styles which certainly wouldn’t earn him any cookie points. What is essential to understand here, however, is the fact that he still indulges in extremely unhealthy habits and mechanisms that are ultimately destructive. He has this stupid self-sacrificing tendency to the point of where he disregards his own needs completely, getting involved in affairs that are really none of his business. In the best of times, he will drop it, yet more often than not he can’t help himself. It’s an ever present, consuming need to be needed by others. 

He is not without flaws however, which come in a variety of selfish indulgences Sím is not proud of. What ultimately is a rule a rule breaker like him would never break, is his insatiable want to help, even if it might be a fool’s errand. (E.g. letting an abrasive asshole into his life out of sheer sympathy and shared shitty backgrounds…when you can barely manage to be a responsible dad…because of your damn questionable decisions. Smh.) 

Zacharie: 

He’s an egomaniac asshole with no concept of morality. He’s a god damn hedonist who’ll try to get his greedy little hands on anything he wants, all previously held beliefs be damned. In short, he’s malleable, which is highly dependent on what he’s currently pursuing. You just can’t know if there is really anything, like a law or rule, that he will not break under any circumstances. Because he lies through his teeth without breaking a sweat or even the faintest twinge of a bad conscience, ready to tell you whatever you want to hear. 

[shenanigumi]

Astrology: Kazama Chikage

As before – Everything in brackets is canonically based (in part using these few resources), so feel free not to believe my headcanons if you’re so inclined, but it’s harder to argue with the powers that be. This one admittedly has less basis in fact than some previous installments, but all the same—enjoy!

KAZAMA CHIKAGE, b. 20-21 November [1838]

[Dog]

Honest, intelligent, straightforward; has a deep sense of loyalty and a passion for justice

Charismatic, attractive, exudes sex appeal

Can be counted on to do their share; protects others’ interests more avidly than their own

Anger like a bright flash; comes without warning and may die just as quickly, but always justifiable, without malice or rancor

Clear-eyed observer aiming to guard the interests of the general public

Very serious about self-imposed responsibilities; when they take up a cause they believe is right, they will emerge victorious

Prefers plain talk, and listens objectively; can see through others’ motives, so talking around them irks them

Cynical, born with defense shields up; one must gain their confidence gradually

Inborn need to divide people into fixed categories; no gray areas

Has to know how to classify others before interacting with them; decision to trust or not trust is final

Works hard when necessity or desire demands it; otherwise, can be lazy

Tolerant and forgiving of friends, but critical and emotionally cold to enemies

Astute, intelligent, practical, fearless, sharp-tongued, ultra-realistic, outspoken

Unemotional, altruistic, good but sometimes reluctant leader, prone to erratic and cantankerous behavior; introverted at heart, hates having to function in a sociopolitical arena

In many cases, born into a good family

Pessimistic; expects trouble lurking around every corner

Gives bad news with the good in a matter-of-fact way; hedging and delaying the inevitable is against their nature, as they are a definite person and must give a definite answer

Can be obstinate and unbending when in the right; unprejudiced and hard to influence once they make up their mind

“Cut[s] the opposition’s arguments to ribbons with his flawless logic and acid wit”; bad temper and hot criticism can do a lot of damage

Pugnacious and quarrelsome, but fights openly and does not use underhanded tactics

Prepared to serve others if duty demands it, but prefers being left alone to do as they please

Not renowned for patience; tends to snap at others when irked

Tough; can endure a good deal of stress

Paradoxically, happiness may come from worrying over and protecting those they care about

Autumn [Earth Dog]

Takes duties seriously; dependable, faithful, expects others to be the same way

Can be tenacious and hostile when challenged; watchful, protective, “do[es] not tolerate even the slightest invasion into their rights or territory”

Defensive nature heightened by unhappy experiences in life; never forgets injuries

Selfless and attentive to loved ones and family; able to bond closely with those they trust and rely upon

Quiet, secretive, impartial dispenser of justice; more practical, less sentimental

Efficient and constructive thinker; moves slowly and to good purpose

Faithful to beliefs, but will bow to majority rule

Vigilant, careful, fixed scale of values from which they seldom deviate

Due to high moral standards, tends to overperform and may demand excessive dedication and loyalty from others

Good fighter and survivor; never totally crushed in defeat

Values individualism and self-respect; speaks straight from the heart

Snake Ascendant

Quiet, guards secrets well; rarely seeks or takes advice

Competent, mentally superior, intellectual, philosophical

Snake bends Dog’s sense of justice; not averse to taking shortcuts to achieve goals

Others may find their air of mystery attractive or sexually appealing

Fierce, vindictive, unforgiving when angry; “others would be unwise to tangle with [them], especially where [their] ambitions are concerned”

Scorpio Dog

Powerful, dedicated, energetic; displays Dog’s righteous spirit and Pluto’s deep insight

Likes to honor promises; passion and loyalty never waver

Approaches problems with single-mindedness, not amenable to compromise

Pugnacious, unsparing with words; fierce and unyielding even in the face of defeat

Believes in absolute commitment; “will serve God or the Devil with equal fervor”, but in the end, is true only to self

Scorpio

Passionately emotional, subtle, persistent, intense, obstinate, unyielding

Provokes anger due to secretiveness and jealousy; sharp, stinging temper can enrage others to the point of violence

Magnetic, capable of exerting tremendous force; may appear impassive or unapproachable, but “turbulent passions are always roiling underneath, invisible on the surface”

Without an avenue of expression, feelings turn inward and become imprisoned or even destructive; can be brooding, jealous, resentful, even vengeful, but dedication is unswerving once emotions are engaged

Possessed of legendary energy, drive, endurance; seeks to give life a meaningful pattern and find a deeper purpose

Has a philosophical turn of mind, may become interested in the occult; sixth sense enables them to intuit things before they happen

Mental complexity makes it difficult for them to skim the surface; must uncover what lies beneath

Relationships are unusually complicated; can be simultaneously generous and affectionate, yet violent and unpredictable

Even “in [their] sunniest moods, there is always a hint of an imminent change in the weather”

Deeply loyal to friends, but also intense and possessive; emotional moderation and restraint are difficult

Never forgets a kindness and tries to repay it handsomely

Also never forgets an injury, but prefers getting vengeance to getting even; makes a dangerous enemy, subtle and deadly

Fiercely competitive, though often conceals this; moves in quickly for the kill once a weakness is spotted

Adaptable; quickly able to channel energy into new paths, turning disaster into success

Practical, shrewd, believes in immediate and tangible goals; single-minded concentration is formidable

Subject to obsessive drives, which can be resistant to reason; dominates and controls anyone who lets them

Suspicious, wary, reluctant to entrust their heart to anyone, but loves deeply once they do

Third-Decanate Scorpio

Alluring personality; magnetic social touch

Tends to choose work that projects them into the public eye

“Fate seems to thrust [them] into situations or relationships that [they] do not pick, but which often are the most successful for [them]”

Strong sense of ethics; injustice brings out their fighting spirit

Can be moody, especially when others’ actions discourage them

Has deep emotions which they have difficulty sharing; once they reveal themselves, they are direct and honest and do not evade the truth

Sagittarius-Cusp Scorpio

Sensitive, intuitive, has lots of nervous energy

Mental activity stimulates them; never reluctant to share an opinion

Those they love are aware of their loyalty and warm feelings; others usually see them as someone who judges dispassionately

Sentimental, but able to stand back and be objective if it is in their best interests

Capricorn Moon

Lends force, dynamism, persistence, ambition, an instinct for excellence

More determined, responsible, disciplined, patient, committed; also more rigid, pessimistic, opinionated, materialistic, over-exacting

Must overcome complexities and obstacles in their own nature to find happiness

Alert mind; organized, ambitious, prodigious worker

Eager to learn, but dislikes vague theory; wants to put knowledge to use

Self-sufficient, solitary; “haunted by a feeling of responsibility, of a task [they] must fulfill”

Single-mindedness can become obsession; “[they] pin their hopes on one idea, turn all [their] ideas in one direction”

Secretly suffers from loneliness; often concealed with a dry sense of humor

Finds it difficult to reveal deepest feelings; may be perceived as cold and calculating

Authority and power may be compensation for difficulty in emotional areas

Cautious, reserved, takes time to commit to romantic relationships; once involved, love is durable, faithful, even lifelong

When secure in a relationship, giving and generous to the point of selflessness

Capricorn Rising (see also: Saito Hajime)

Serious mind; neither melancholy nor frivolous

Cautious, reluctant to commit until the full situation is understood

Quiet and reserved around strangers; warmer once they open up

Reliable, dependable, stable, and has self-esteem

Has great willpower, determination, diligence in pursuit of goals; important that life feels meaningful

Even after achieving goals, may sense that something is still missing and be dissatisfied

Active mind, quick intelligence, ability to concentrate; talent for information-gathering, seeing and using flaws at a glance, planning ahead

Dislikes being caught unprepared; fusses over details to stay in control

Feels powerfully, but may find it difficult to show those feelings; may be torn by hidden jealousy, resentment, and grudges

Achievements are mainly due to their own effort

Saturn bestows discipline, ambition, patience, determination, good endurance; also brings stubbornness, hardship, melancholy, aloofness, pessimism, selfishness

*All excerpted information either quoted or paraphrased from the sixth edition of “The Handbook of Chinese Horoscopes” (since the Japanese borrowed their zodiac) by Theodora Lau, and “The Only Astrology Book You’ll Ever Need” by Joanne Martine Woolfolk.*

[ellahmacdermott]

Op-Ed: Challenge of Mining Centralization Unveils Bitcoin’s Elegant Design

Last year, growing problems of Bitcoin mining centralization came to light with the controversy of an AsicBoost scandal. As a largely centralized hash rate began to threaten the software’s magical property, concerns were raised that incentives at the crux of Bitcoin’s game theory had broken away.

Now, the power of miners, harnessed by economic incentives, escaped accountability by attacking Bitcoin’s SHA 2 hashcash and exploiting it. This further gained advantage through vulnerability in the network’s interface with the old world of industrial infrastructure and patents.

In facing the increasing power of hardware manufacturers, the idea emerged to make changes in proof of work to fix incentives. Some see such moves to be dangerous, as it could devastate the security of the network and create a contentious hard fork. Others are more pessimistic about ASIC-resistant algorithms, due to the flexibility of hardware engineers and manufacturers’ ability to control hardware production. This challenge that cannot simply be solved technically brings us a unique opportunity to explore this innovation and discover the technology’s elegant design.

Money as a Technology of Cooperation

The invention of Bitcoin arrived through the accumulative efforts of many minds. Before Satoshi Nakamoto shared the vision of peer-to-peer digital cash in the white paper, there were pioneers who stepped into this uncharted territory. Nick Szabo, a legal scholar and cryptographer, with his creation of bit gold inspired this breakthrough of computer science.

In the paper Shelling Out, the Origins of Money, published in 2002, Szabo traveled into the ancient past to trace precursors of money used by our ancestors. By gaining the insight of evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins who saw money as a “formal token of delayed reciprocal altruism,” Szabo recognized the role of money in providing humans’ unique evolutionary advantage. Describing it as a “technology of cooperation,” he noted how early forms of money, such as the shells of clams, solved the problem of the risk of cheating in the exchange of favor, where reciprocity wouldn’t be made simultaneously.

Now, in this digital age and with the birth of Bitcoin, this tool for cooperation is replicated online. Satoshi, through engaging computer machines to work on mathematical puzzles of computation, found a way to check man’s selfishness that takes advantage of others’ good will. Bitcoin’s consensus algorithm enforces sets of rules across a network, by aligning incentives of all players and encouraging each to overcome selfish tendencies that prevent cooperation with a careful balance of risk and reward.

Puzzle of Altruism

The genius of Bitcoin’s protocol was developed on this understanding of the origin of money that is deeply tied to evolutionary forces within mankind. At the core of this technology lies knowledge of human nature informed by evolutionary biology. Dawkins, who authored the influential book, “The Selfish Gene” renewed the theory of evolution by putting genes rather than individuals at the center. With the term “the selfish gene,” he explained how “a gene that didn’t look after its own interests would not survive.” With this gene’s-eye view of life, Dawkins appeared to have solved part of the riddle of human nature. Yet, he stumbled upon another when he recognized acts of kindness in nature. Altruism has been one of the greatest puzzles for many biologists.

Dawkins asked, “How can selfish genes support kindness?” Charles Darwin’s theory of natural selection offered no incentive for organisms to help others. Dawkins went on, “If genes are striving selfishly to make more copies of themselves, how can a gene achieve this selfish objective by making their bearers act altruistically?” He contemplated how, in the Darwinian struggle for existence, kindness toward others seemed to counter this programming.

Partial explanations were provided in the idea of kin selection. Inclusive fitness theory argues the reason for such behavior is due to a sharing of large percentages of genes among close relatives. Another is the idea of reciprocal altruism used to explain costly cooperation between non-relatives, with a tit-for-tat strategy of “you scratch my back and I scratch yours.” Here, altruism is widely considered by biologists to be part of a survival game for genes, and nature has shown that the genes that return favor are more likely to survive. Yet, Dawkins pondered that, when it comes to humans, there seems to be something more that goes beyond what these theories can explain, for helping occurs even among those who are not close relatives and is given to complete strangers who don’t return favors.

Paradox of Human Nature

In recent years, examples of altruistic acts emerged on the internet with the waves of whistleblowers. From WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange to Chelsea Manning and Edward Snowden, we have seen individuals that acted on behalf of the public good at expense of their own well-being. These individuals demonstrated extraordinary courage, even risking their lives to protect not only the welfare of their nations, but all of humanity.

This presents an internal contradiction within humans: man is selfish and can be nasty, yet at the same time has a capacity for empathy and can act kindly to others. Dawkins found a way to embrace this paradox of human nature. He remarked how “selfish genes give rise to altruistic individuals” and asserted that the puzzle of altruism can be solved by using the concept of the selfish gene. He looked at altruism as the misfiring of selfish genes and explained how “we have a lust to be nice, even to total strangers, because niceness has been hardwired into us from the time we used to live in small groups of close kin and close acquaintances with whom it would pay to reciprocate favors.”

Civilization seems to have lost this paradox of human nature. Western construction of morality split an evolutionary force in nature into opposite tendencies. Humanity, in efforts to attain virtues that are considered positive, suppressed others that have been deemed negative and unworthy. Philosopher Jacob Needleman described how religious and moral doctrines of European cultures created a dualistic morality that “supports the radical separation of the good (however it is understood) and the evil (that which resists the good).” He noted such morality becomes “‘moralism’ when it imposes a sense of good and evil that diminishes the interconnectedness of life.”

Duality of human nature with selfishness on one hand and altruistic attributes like empathy on the other, created an internal conflict within man. This made people pit one side of human nature against the other. This one-sidedness of a human view in favor of certain characteristics over the other led to the failure of self-honesty, making it difficult for us to truly account for our deeds. Selfish parts of ourselves that are denied and condemned become dark. Efforts to eradicate this force made it more hostile and cunning. The extreme selfishness created through society’s refusal to accept human nature in its fullness has become destructive. It began to pose a threat to civilization itself.

The Value of Networked Individuals

In the last half of the 20th century, we have seen an increase in this schism of human nature. The tension of opposites that could no longer be contained, unleashed a cold war dividing the world into two competing power blocks. One sector was represented by the U.S. and Western European model of liberal democracies and the other was by Russian and Chinese communist states. Unresolved conflicts inside ourselves became ideological battles, creating a brutal competition for existence. In this grand struggle of power, Western capitalism promoted the value of the individual over the needs of the collective, while communism forced people to place the interests of a community over individuals.

Systems of governance based on political ideologies, incapable of holding the paradox of human nature, suppressed the dynamics of life. The centralized model of society, both in a form of capitalism and socialism, has subverted the force of evolution, by using money as an instrument of control to regulate aspects of human nature. The state’s oppression of self-interests of the majority led to the concentration of power in a few hands, fueling the corruption in the system. As ordinary people were held hostage by this political battle of governments, being kept in a loop of a death spiral, Satoshi found the perfect equation that could restore the paradox of human nature to end this war that is waged inside each person.

While the hierarchy of institutions divides human nature, breaking apart the value of individuality and the collective, decentralization unites them, creating a higher value of the networked individual. In Bitcoin’s open horizontal platform, what one does to oneself can be directly translated into what one does to others and vice versa. Everyone’s contribution enriches the whole network, while harmful behaviors bring loss for all. In this inclusive circle, contradiction between the logic of service to oneself and service to a group can now be reconciled. What an individual does out of one’s self-interests can become a communal act of giving because it benefits all in the network.

In this invention of free software, Satoshi liberated human nature that was bound up by intellectual property of the nation-state built on the archaic knowledge of man. Centralized systems of politics are inherently undemocratic. In this, the reform and progress of society often relies on the conscience of individuals who can demonstrate an extraordinary capacity to act altruistically as is seen by the example of whistleblowers. This requires a great sacrifice on the part of these individuals to take risks that are unsustainable.

Now, Bitcoin opens a new paradigm that is much more balanced. In this, one no longer has to sacrifice one’s needs in order to act altruistically and one does not have to give up aspirations for altruism in order to preserve self-interests. Upon economic incentives of selfishness, a spiral staircase of Bitcoin’s DNA can emerge. The incentive structure that is built upon a realistic assessment of humanity allows individuals to align themselves with their own self-interests. Through each taking risks voluntarily, the system increases the rewards for networked value.

Dormant Sleeping Codes

In the act of releasing a protocol pseudonymously online, the unknown creator of Bitcoin launched an open source development to build a new habitat for networked individuals. Responding to the good will of strangers, developers around the world came together to engage in a labor of love to work on Bitcoin. Those ambitious and adventurous ones among us all began investing precious resources to play the market. Greed of miners through the survival of the fittest mining markets have helped the network build a global level of security.

Now, in facing the threat of mining centralization, it might be tempting to jump into a quick tech fix of changing algorithms, trying to punish selfishness and combat our destructive potential within. But such solutions will likely just replicate the problem of the old system of control and possibly destroy the harmony of human nature that has been restored in the code.

Perhaps a perceived design oversight of a proof-of-work function, with its lack of resistance against mining centralization is not a flaw that needs to be fixed. Rather, it can be seen as something that could enable the vital feature that needs to be activated at a critical phase in the development of this technology. The problem that now confronts this ecosystem urges us to find solutions that are already in the protocol. Crisis can stimulate and trigger resistance from a human organism. This awakens dormant sleeping codes: sovereign users who claim their role in the network as ones who ultimately give Bitcoin value.

The integrity of Bitcoin is ensured through decentralization. This decentralization that ensures Bitcoin’s defining feature of permissionless-ness and censorship resistance cannot just be guaranteed with proof of work through people simply depending on technology. In the summer of 2017, in the midst of the storm of the scaling debacle, cryptographer and inventor of Hashcash, Adam Back reminded:

cypherpunks write code, and sovereign individuals run code? that maybe levelling up soon

The design of Bitcoin’s unprecedented immutability built with the best security practice in computer science includes the pressure for decentralization that is to be applied from everywhere.

Activation of Sovereign Users

The new stream of self-interests began to emerge in the ecosystem during the block size battle in 2017. As the threat of a contentious hard fork grew, resistance was swiftly organized from the bottom up. From the #UASF movement to the #No2X protest, we have seen the awakening of sleeping giants. Samson Mow, chief strategy officer of Blockstream and CEO of game company Pixelmatic, instigated a new game of “Proof of Hat consensus” by distributing the UASF cap across the network. What arose was a vision of cypherpunks. It placed Bitcoin’s value proposition in features that could bring a larger implication in the functioning of democracy, such as an ability to circumvent financial blockades and governments’ seizures. This came to clash with the PayPal 2.0 vision of Bitcoin, with emphasis on its utilitarian and commercial value as cheaper, faster, on-chain transactions.

Under the radar, the activation of sovereign users has been slowly occurring. Some are stepping up to fulfill their role in this network, manifesting the blueprint of this technology. Teams behind Bitseed created Bitcoin full node devices to help users around the world attain secure access to the blockchain to run full nodes and enforce rules. Bisq, an open-source desktop application, has been working to bring a P2P-based solution to the problems of centralized exchanges in order to extend Bitcoin’s decentralization.

Now, the network is finding creative ways to tackle problems of mining centralization. With an aim to break the mining hardware monopoly and bring much needed competition, Bitcoin Core contributor BtcDrak began a mining project, setting up an ASIC chip manufacturing company. While some strongly oppose it, a new initiative for the Blockchain Defensive Patent License is put forward as a way to counteract the AsicBoost patent monopoly that blocks competition, without jeopardizing the pristine protocol. Opportunities for the use of renewable energy are emerging as a way to decentralize mining. The idea is to take the excess capacity from solar and hydro energy production and use them to mine bitcoin.

The darkness of the old world that has yet to be enlightened became tyrannical. As it begins to infiltrate this new P2P network, the call is given for a wider distribution of self-interests to strengthen Bitcoin’s noble architecture. Imagination of computer science inspires us all to align ourselves with incentives coded inside our own DNA and restore the balance of human nature. Each individual’s participation in the development of this technology helps Bitcoin maintain its mathematical precision. By laying the solid foundation upon the virtue of selfishness, blocks of cooperation can be built to further improve the workings of reciprocal altruism.

This article originally appeared on Bitcoin Magazine.

from InvestmentOpportunityInCryptocurrencies via Ella Macdermott on Inoreader https://bitcoinmagazine.com/articles/op-ed-challenge-mining-centralization-unveils-bitcoins-elegant-design/

[atrayo]

Jewels of Truth Statements and Favorite Quotes of the Month

Hello All, Call this a Deja Vous posting of this segment in seeking to make up what I missed for the month of August of this year. I've already posted this segment for the last 2 weeks for missing the month of September found Here Posted Oct. 12th. Besides for this month proper on Oct. 5th at this Link for those seeking a triple dose of my angelically channeled spiritual wisdom goodness. One of my often unspoken agreements with God and the Angels is whatever I have recently learned in my lifelong pursuit of spiritual automatic writing. I would through wisdom by means of mysticism share it freely In writings to anyone willing to be so inclined to reflect upon the subject matter in question. Thus this blog site of "Atrayo's Oracle" continues sprouting with my YouTube Page. With over 50 Vlog videos plus of these posts of the "Jewels of Truth" series. Besides my ancillary social media pages such as Twitter @Atrayo and my Instagram @atrayo1 pages. Today is no different I continue through exploring and experimenting the breadth of my clairvoyant abilities in automatic writing. Which is basically trance communication but solely with inspired writings. This time via the endless heavens I have reached out to the lesser gods as respective angels of Morpheus and Apollo otherwise known in Greek Mythology as Helios. Since what I have been impressed upon in prior channeled sessions with my angels is that all eternal mythologies of once great religions now dead in practice. Those lesser deities are the angels themselves whereby God is the only Apex Supreme parental celestial figure to unite them all as One. Whether God is worshipped by monotheism or polytheism it is all united in the Infinite benevolent heavens it is only a matter of style via sublime adoration. So I reached out to the Angels of Morpheus and Apollo and I channeled with each two statements. With the minor god angel of Morpheus, I channeled on the topic of Dreams. With Helios / Apollo, I channeled on the topic of Music at his request. Since most "Jewels of Truth" statements I channel by personal choice to explore such topics albeit with Helios he made the request specifically. I also channeled from a nameless Angel as a Luminary which is often the usual case on the topic of Good, Neutrality, and Evil. May you find them informative as well as fascinating no matter if you believe the source of my inspiration by faith. Namaste. Dreams:

2551) To dream is a gift seeking freedom at its finest expression. Not all dreams are equal for not even God dreams at all. For God has no aspirations in what he wills shall happen automatically. All others have a temporal flavor to them akin to a delayed response as a natural buffer in negotiating time and space for optimal outcomes. All dreaming is a selfish act even if the notion is altruistic in human nature. Any dream falls into one of three categories of well-being. First, the most common dreams are that of wishes as living hope in seeking a better reality for self and all others. Second, there are flights of fancy as fantasy in spirit having no basis in fact and all fiction in nature. Lastly, there are prophetic dreams as visions often directed by the Angels in conjunction with God's Holiest Spirit. Each of these main domains as arena's of the spirit self-works with desire. Since in Paradise, there are Zero Desires their because there is no need for them through God's endless absolute love. All desires are like dreams as fabrications by design by the sole intent of the lesser gods for the benefit of all mortal kind. A medium as a vehicle to influence often for the highest pinnacle good for all macro effects as conclusions. The artful and metaphysical science of coordinating events from Paradise for the incarnated macro species. Uses desires and dream craft as a means to an end result. Dreams are merely a backdrop to an even greater need or want to become fulfilled. From individuals, groups or people, and even archetypal forces with reasons of their own. Dreams are inception points as launch pads of agenda's that reveal and also mask truths all too frequently. The best most sublime truths are simplest in the divine being and neatly fit concealed away from perceptions not ready to conceive them originally. Thus the eternal pathways of soulful evolution are both a certainty and a misgiving. Mortals expect evolutionary and revolutionary growth. Pure Spirits, however, do not for all rests in God's Macro Meta Being. As already completed and perfectly finalized forever and forever more in supreme grandeur. Amen.   ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo. (Channeled Source: Morpheus) Music:

2555) To hear a tune through the heart invites the melody of the spiritual universe to sing right along with you. For music is divine when it invites listeners and other musicians to share in the glory of beautiful and soulful music. Not all music is holy some of it is anger and hateful filled with vitriol and disgust for rulers abusing the masses. Music that feeds the heart spiritually can also feed the mind with an abundance of meaning as well. Here we stand at the precipice of understanding all the while being entertained in the rightful process. As music can enthrall us it can also inspire not merely the senses. But, also the Spirit of God in us all. So that we all sing along in a solidarity as one meta voice with convictions that are sublime in holy nature. In order to effect positive changes in our individual psyche. As well as to move entire societies by grace to improve our values over time. All good music is a catalyst force of great change that can move mountains of rigidity. Calcified people and institutions can crumble before a victorious soul-stirring hymn. As unconditional righteous truth spoken and sung repeatedly is what caused the ancient walls of Jericho to collapse by the Will of God. There is angelic power in the music of the Essence of God is often conveyed by tonal harmonies beyond the spectrum range of human perceptions. When music is graceful it heals the spirit and the psyche simultaneously. Beyond than just soothing the beast within but in empowering them with the benevolent Spirit of God. The right tones in the rightful harmonies in the correct recipes of blended mixtures can heal and restore life abundantly. However, the opposite is also true dreadfully to undo safety and to destroy conclusively. Akin to a hostile trumpet blast causing bodily harm and subsequently property destruction equally so in happenstance. The deep science of tones as harmonics and melodies is still obscure in human terms to date beyond that of plain entertainment. Outside of this, there is raw and refined celestial divine powers that can be tapped into universally as well as with wickedness. Each to their own tune sung not just in a day but in a lifetime. As the Angels play their songs from heaven forever for us all combined. Amen. ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo. (Channeled Source: Helios / Apollo) Good, Neutrality, & Evil:

2553) To waiver in faith is to forget one's birthright with God the Most High. Each of us is alive spiritually in a mutual health known as God itself. All is reconciled here beyond all differences of a duality of whatever sort. There is only God and even our spirit personalities are subsumed into this immense totality of the Creator. We are awakened to everything and everyone simultaneously for we piggyback onto the metaphysical infrastructure that is God(dess). We ease drop and we influence directly by indirect subtle clues hoping for the holiest best each time. A win for us is when mortal kind abides with the Will of God on purpose. As you shine lovingly and spiritually we shine ever more brilliantly with gladness. And for God, he does shine ever more as our meta surrogate to all of Creation as itself. To humanity, there is good, neutrality, and evil although sometimes not even neutrality is ever counted making a binary selection the truism instead. In the afterlife, this is all backward and crude nonsense. Yes, there are lesser spirit realms as metaphysical realities as there are middle and highest ones. However, all have equal footing as in sway for they are the personification and embodiment of God metaphysically speaking in greatest essence. A Pure Ethereal planar reality do the Heavens, Limbo's, and Hells encompass in an Infinite and Eternal circular fashion constantly. All good, neutrality and evil are but idealogical flavors of the Creator each for its own raison d'etre to be alive and dead simultaneously. By means of the vehicle of Enlightenment singularly these three ideological stances of good, neutrality, and evil are harmonically reconciled forever in God alone. They are no longer an impediment to any soul in the afterlife. They are however discharged as to roles of differing lifestyles in spirit for ghosts to explore the Infinite Totality of God(dess). There is no warfare in the afterlife between good and evil that is a human fallacy. A primitive barbarism as an untruth best left to the idle foolishness of evolving species. A vestige like a discarded tail for a homo sapien creature as to a path of spiritual awakening. Humanity lives by fallacy and truth with most untruths assumed to be until otherwise disproven by enlightened wisdom shining brightest upon them. Here we stand at the threshold of the Great "I Am" calling upon all to awaken to the wonder of their holiest splendor of our divinity in truth. To shed the youth of mortality and become the Angels of a truthful paradise once more. Amen.  ---Ivan Pozo-Illas / Atrayo.

============================= I rise to taste the dawn, and find that love alone will shine today.  ---Ken Wilber. The whole of the holy life is good friends. ---The Buddha. We are not permitted to choose the frame of our destiny, but what we put into it is ours. ---Dag Hammarskjold. What brings fulfillment is gratefulness, the simple response of our heart to this life in all its fullness. ---Brother David Steindl-Rast. We don't have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory. ---Howard Zinn. Ivan "Atrayo" Pozo-Illas, has devoted 22 years of his life to the pursuit of clairvoyant automatic writing channeling the Angelic host. Ivan is the author of the spiritual wisdom series of "Jewels of Truth" consisting of 3 volumes published to date. He also channels inspired conceptual designs that are multifaceted for the next society to come that are solutions based as a form of dharmic service. Numerous examples of his work are available at "Atrayo's Oracle" blog site of 12 years plus online. Your welcome to visit his website "Jewelsoftruth.us" for further information or to contact Atrayo directly.

[multiracialmedia-blog]

Multiracial Family Man: Who is Alex Barnett and Why Should You Care?

Alex Barnett, host of the Multiracial Family Man podcast, and his wife.

So yeah, we have this awesome podcast, “Multiracial Family Man,” featured weekly here on MultiracialMedia.com. Maybe you’ve enjoyed it, maybe you’ve been meaning to but haven’t gotten around to it, or maybe you haven’t been interested. But you need to know about Alex Barnett, the Multiracial Family Man—a gifted comic/performer, passionate advocate in the Multiracial Community, and co-creator of MultiracialMedia.com.

Alex’s work is family-focused. His bio states, “As the White, Jewish husband of a Black woman (who converted to Judaism) and the father of a 5-year-old, Biracial son, I examine the challenges of being a parent in a bad economy and the issues that confront multiracial families (including the dynamics between members of the same family who are of different races). He’s also co-creator of the comic strip, The Bronze Panther, about a four-year-old, Biracial superhero.”

He has performed at the 2016 Blend Conference at Cornell University, the 2015 Mixed-Remixed Festival in Los Angeles, and at the 2012 New Orleans Loving Festival. This topic is central not only to Alex’s home life, but much of his career.

Q: When and Why Did You Start Thinking of Yourself as a “Multiracial Family Man?”

A: This evolution from mild-mannered me to “Multiracial Family Man” happened as a result of my work as a comic. I was devoting more of my set onstage (and my offstage writings in essays, articles and blogs) to my thoughts and concerns about being the White dad of a son who is African-American. I thought long and hard about how my son would feel as he got older and learned the history of the country as it relates to race. I wondered whether and how I would be able to advise him about things that I’d never experienced personally but that might happen to him as Man of Color. I still think about that frequently. The more I thought about this, the more I wrote about it and talked about it onstage, and I developed the podcast to explore these kinds of issues with others in the Community.

Q: What was Most Surprising, Most Unexpected For You About Creating a Multiracial Family?

A: The most surprising and unexpected thing, by far, is the double standard in the way in which White people and People of Color (and especially Women of Color) are treated. It blows my mind sometimes. My son and I could hang upside down from a lamppost and act completely silly and no one would say a thing. But when my wife is alone with him, people ask her if he’s hers (implying that she’s the nanny), or they’ll feel no compunction about offering her stern advice about how to control or raise or otherwise behave toward our son. People of all races seem to have no problem telling my wife how she should conduct herself around our son and how she should be raising him/treating him. I guess that’s a form of White privilege that I’m benefiting from. Or, it’s racism toward my wife (or genderism), or maybe a little bit of all of that.

Q: What was the Impetus for the Podcast?

A: I became more and more fascinated as a result of my own musings about my own family about issues confronting Multiracial people and people within Multiracial families. After our son was born, I wanted to be on the road less, so I needed to find a way to continue to explore these issues and pursue my passion from home.

Q: How do you Address this Topic in your Stand-up Comedy?

A: That was the genesis of what became the podcast. Much of my set is about being in an interracial marriage and being the White dad of an African-American son. Here are two quick examples:

1. Buddies of mine, White guys, have frequently asked me: “Why a Black woman?” My response: “Because Black guys don’t do it for me.”

2. What happens when my son comes to me later in life for advice about stuff I’ve never experienced. For example, what happens when he says: “Dad, I need advice on how to be a strong Black man.” “How do I know? I’m not even a strong White man.”

Q: Before you Married and Had a Son, Had You Ever Paid Any Attention to Multiracial Couples, Families or People?

A: Before being married, I’d dated women of other religions, races and ethnicities, so I was familiar with that context and had paid some attention to it, but I didn’t focus on it to the degree I do now. Having a kid definitely changes (and sharpens) your focus on everything related to your personal life. For example, I am desperate to use the bathroom alone for once. I’d really like to sleep in. In all seriousness, having a kid is the one thing to guarantee to make you less selfish and more generous and altruistic (at least towards your child).

Q: What Do You Strive to Achieve with Each Podcast?

A: I hope to get my guest(s) to relax and take the listeners and me on a journey through their life stories. I hope that they’ll open up perhaps share stories they never have before and maybe come to realizations about themselves or life that they never had before. Along the way, my goal is to help inform and educate about the Multiracial experience and to provide listeners with a meaningful experience that will resonate powerfully with them.

Q: What Have the Responses Been to the Podcast?

A: The response has been overwhelmingly positive. I wanted to do this because it was something I cared about deeply, and I thought it would be interesting to people. What I’ve learned is that there’s a real hunger in the Multiracial Community to hear stories about themselves.

The Community is growing quickly, but popular culture has not kept pace. There is far too little of the Multiracial Community shown on screen, onstage, in the culture generally. While that’s changing, the Community still is under-represented in society. It’s been my experience that the members of the Community really relish and appreciate those stories and those pieces of content that speak to their experience.

Q: What Are Your Main Takeaways From These Podcasts?

A: 1. Multiracial people continue to grapple with simultaneously belonging to several groups, and yet not being fully welcomed in those groups.

2. Multiracial people, especially women, are the subject of fetishization and exotification at a rate far beyond what you might think. I think that virtually every Multiracial woman I’ve interviewed has told me that people have wanted to date them because they were seen as “exotic.”

3. Multiracial people are exhausted by being asked “What are you?”

4. Racism is far more pervasive and prevalent than you might think, given that we live in the 21st Century. Yet individual people about whom you might think the worst and expect the least will so often surprise you by how accepting and generous of spirit they are.

5. Doing a podcast is a lot of work!!

Q: How Does the Content of Your Podcasts Impact the Way You View Yourself and Your Family?

By focusing on issues of race and racism with such frequency, my sensitivity to these issues is heightened. I don’t think it’s changed the way I view myself or my family, but I’m more keenly sensitive to race as a general matter.

Q: What Do You Wish That all Interracially-married People Knew?

A: The woman isn’t always right, but she’s never wrong (how’s that?) Seriously, I don’t think there’s one thing. Race is important, to be sure. But in marriage, it’s just about people interacting and inter-relating and getting along. That’s not about race. That’s about agreeing to live your life with another person.

Q: What Do You Think That All Parents of Mixed-race Children Should Know—the Most Important Thing?

A: Well, I think it might depend on what the mix is. But, presumably, the one issue, especially if one parent is White and the other is a Person of Color is that society still is biased against Persons of Color, and, at some point, issues of race, racism and power dynamics will be a conversation (or conversations) that you will have to have with your child.

Q: What Has Been Your Biggest Learning Curve in Parenting a Mixed-race Child?

A: I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is the different ways in which Persons of Color (especially women) are perceived and treated versus how White people are treated. This hasn’t really come up at all with our son. It’s really been an issue that I’ve seen with how my wife is treated versus how I’m treated.

Q: What is Your Vision for MultiracialMedia.com?

A: That we will take over the World (too much?)

Honestly, the initial reason that Sarah and I started Multiracial Media was to provide a showcase—available 365 days a year—for the myriad voices of the Multiracial Community. We envisioned it as akin to a Telemundo or BET but for the Multiracial Community—a platform that would provide original content speaking to the Multiracial experience and a safe space for Community members to submit and post their own writings and artistic expressions about their Multiracial experience.

Q: What Would You Like to Add?

I love being a dad, and I’m privileged and honored to be a member of the Multiracial Community.

Multiracial Family Man: Who is Alex Barnett and Why Should You Care? if you want to check out other voices of the Multiracial Community click here Multiracial Media

[a-captions-blog]

[Image descriptions: An ask from @ DifferentsThings that says: (start caps) I am disabled Black single mother with 3 kids I shouldn’t have to explain to anyone (end caps) what I'm doing in my everyday life too get help because believe me or NOT but I am actually in programs and in touch with every resource possible in my area for housing, food, and medical help!!! My Goal is $310 but now I have received $114.71 please help me. (start caps) donate anything/share, rb If you want to help me and my 3 kids because we need 15 people to donate $195.29 please help me and my 3 kids, thank you. (start caps) donation page in bio (end caps) Text has been added to the screenshot saying, ‘Please don’t harass her, I implore y’all. Help her. I am unable. I blocked for my own reasons. No one deserves this amount of suffering.’ Answer from OP: …*sighs* Okay so. I didn’t know how to respond to this. But…this felt extremely familiar and not in a good way. I am sorry for your situation, and I can emphasize with it. That’s as far as I’m able to go on that. In addition to being triggered from the simultaneous screech noise from multiple devices in the place I am staying in. This ask triggered a flashback to…well. I’ve had enough on that. I am only answering this ask to affirm a boundary I wish I didn’t have to reinforce again. As much as I’d love to help you, I can’t, not financially. The most I can do is answer this ask but that’s as far I can go without depersonalization and elongated dissociative periods. Boundary: if you send this type of ask to me, or DM me similarly, and I do not know you; please be aware your ask and/or DM will be deleted and you will be blocked if it is pushed to me further. I know what it’s like to be smothered cruelly and on your last of ropes, I wouldn’t wish it anyone. These initiate flashbacks I don’t wish to relive again. I do not have the mental capacity to continue to endure what I have from being altruistic and helping folks left and right in a honorless battlefield. I can’t do it anymore. Certainly not now. I’m trying to stand on my feet again after all I experienced. No. I hope you find the financial help you need. I wish the best for you. Don’t send me this kind of ask again. Text edited onto the screenshot says, ‘I was triggered from the indicated ask’s contents, it sent me into a mental space I was fighting to avoid already; so pardon my harshness. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem, but it happened right after the above post.’ The next reblog in the chain is from OP: (start italics) *Just had to block and remove an ask from my inbox in this fashion* (end italics) Lemme…lemme be clear. The warning above is your only warning. If I seem selfish for this then selfish I will be.

If you are following me hoping to ask for money, shares, and otherwise; and I find out or even suspect of such intentions, you’ll be filtered and blocked.

I am minding my business, asking for help when needed. If it’s seen that I give to others and not to you, it is nothing short of the fact that I don’t know you and I don’t have what’s needed to even help you.

Consider the fact that this is the wrong blog to go to for these kind of things. This is my main content blog. I have two others, and those are not to be floored and flooded with these kinds of asks either.

Respect my damn boundaries or be blocked. If I am cruel so be it. I don’t have the patience to be honorable in an honorless battle.

Play someone else. Not me. This is tagged #boundary setting and #reblog ask \End descriptions]

I’m shaky, tired, and stressed as I type this but-

I am going to be homeless in 30-37 days.

Um…I have stayed the extent of the time I’ve been able to stay with the folks I’m currently staying with. I had stayed a few months already. Since mid-May 2023. No one expected me to come and stay this long. They were able to house me longer term. Life just had other plans. They did as they were able. They know my situation. They, nor I, can’t control the systems and all. But I do need to go.

I’ve received 30 days notice. They can extend a week, but no further (thus the 37 days). I’ve put in housing applications, to help with housing, and I’ve checked with other friends that I could possibly stay at, in this state at least. But neither are able to take me in. Which I knew already as they explained their situations and I’m not going to add myself to the mix of their daily lives. I’m grateful for the family I’ve been with and their hospitality. I have run out of options in terms of safe places to stay. I saw it coming a few weeks back I just…

Everything I’ve worried about came flaring up again. I can’t go back to my abusive mom. Nor any of my family, as the majority of them are Christians. I don’t want to live in that atmosphere anymore. The only reason I know the folks I’m in is because of an ex-partner, and their network which…I’m no longer dating due to traumatic reasons. I have reached out to others to see what else I can do immediate-wise.

I don’t…I don’t know what else to do; or where else to go atm within state. It’s bad timing too, just on my part, It’s getting cold. I haven’t located my winter coat. The most I have is my winter boots and sweatpants and sweatshirts as winter clothing; along with other things, which may not even all fit in my one suitcase.

I knew it was coming but…It……I’m…really fucking scared. So I come to y’all. I will…turn off my throne wishlist for now. Without an address to send things to, I can’t receive them without complications. 30 days from now is November 12, 2023; 37 days is November 19, 2023.

I’ll pack starting tomorrow. I…need financial support, encouragement, love, or…miraculously a place I can call my own without a landlord involved. Landlords are already shitty in majority. Very little are truly good folk.

I don’t want to be driven to the dark depths of my mind that put me in where I may take my own life as it’s better than this constant up and down whiplash of lash. I’m not in that state of mind. I would like to keep it that way. I have promises to keep. Promises that keep me alive and would affect many if I don’t keep them.

This will be pinned, so check the former Pinned post for payment methods and further details in terms of financially and otherwise. Halloween will not be a very treatful time for me, as it seems.

Thank you for reading.