#sky's tie is baby blue tho

[kawaiibarty]

peter pettigrew headcanons

5'7

blue eyes and sandy blonde hair, light freckles on his cheeks

blushes/flusters easily

cis, straight and ace/aro

chubby (and fucking cute)

is the only child of a scottish mom and british dad.

his parents divorced when he was four and his dad remarried a norwegian witch with two other kids (both girls).

he spends the summer holidays with his dad and step-mom and sisters and the winter and easter holidays with his biological mother or the potters

he and james were as close as brothers. they were raised together as fleamont and mr pettigrew were business partners (sleekeazy hair potion shizzle)

collects comic books and action figures (DC>marvel)

the sorting hat wanted to place him in ravenclaw (like his mom) but he persuaded it to put him into gryffindor

he's witty and definitely the most sarcastic of the marauders but usually keeps his snideness to himself unless prompted otherwise

infp if i ever saw one. (james is enfp, remus istj and sirius is an istp)

hoodies>cardigans

the only marauder who actually wears his uniform properly tho. neatly tied tie, shoes laced and polished, shirts crisp and white. the only exception is the robe. he NEVER wears his robe because it feels too constricting and makes him feel self aware :(

he wears adidas sneakers idk i just like that oddly specific thing.

if he was a colour he'd be sky blue or baby blue. don't argue with me.

his first crush was alice fortescue but they never dated (he was too nervous to talk to her and she was older than him)

true crime buff.

music: r.e.m. , fleetwood mac, joni mitchell, the smashing pumpkins, the velvet underground, jeff buckley, elton john, celine dion, led zeppelin

favourite song: both sides now by joni mitchell

hates studying. never studies. will not study.

the only one that doesn't take remus's advice on anything.

he is a hopeless romantic: love language is cooking and quality time.

HE LOVES HIS GF MARY !!!!!

playlist

[waywcrdsons-blog]

Tony’s Thots on Their Big Night Out 

+ a wild sky.

[myladyofmercy]

young royals rewatch

episode 6

i love this opening montage so much

right until the credits come up over wille screaming

wish we got that scream scene without the credits for edits tho

the little girl looks at simon as if she personally has seen the video

it must be so weird to see your face on a magazine cover. i wonder what the article says

he's wearing purple (in solidarity with simon)

you have nothing to apologize for wille baby

did simon go to the police tho?

love the little detail of clothes we seen on the show already laying folded up on the washing machine

is the floor of the library so clean that they can lie and sit on it? aren't there any chairs?

august just listening to the theories like the little bitch he is

I'm calling the cops if you don't leave

i love stellas clothing style so much

sara putting 1 and 2 together

rosh and ayub are back!!!

i have not seen kim ks sex tape and i don't intend to watch it

I really hope simon doesn't change schools in s2. I'm with rosh on that one

why is the sky so yellow? light pollution?

willes pajama pants from ep 2 are back

august you little shit stop spitting live lessons and spill the truth

fish scene flashback

the looney tunes shirt is back

first kiss fit

yellow tshirt, yellow shirt, yellow backpack. i know you're the center of willes universe but do you really have to look like the sun?

footsies

wille matches the blue background but simon sticks out like a sore thumb

this scene is so poweful even without a kiss

oh no i know what's coming

sara pls don't do this

she's wearing purple (in solidarity with simon)

wilhelm doesn't have everything he has nothing you piece of shit

and he will lose simon because of you too

oh doobidoo i wanna be like you u u

why does sara look kinda sad when august kisses her neck tho?

as someone who rarely sits at the dining table for dinner and watches tv during 99% of meals i relate to simon and his mom

how does felice dress fit sara so well tho?

simon you are not her father

linda you are her mother. pls act like that more often or i will have to rewoke your best mom card

the star behind simons head looks very pretty

simon saying annan and dum in this conversation makes me think of certain songs by a certain artist

sara and wilhelm both called simon fin

why do felice and maddie have their own bathroom and wille the crown prince has to share with the other guys on his floor?

the mirror shot of them on the floor

i don't think simon really believes wille will tell the truth

it's their last kiss and it breaks my heart

the sad scarf is back

why do the subtitles say how do you do??? simon says good day. that is way more formal than how do you do! simon isn't joey from friends

this car conversation is so frustratingly sad

love how many words i understand bc they sound so similar to the german word in this conversation

let wille and simon have sex in his royal bed in s2 petition

willes tie looks very yellow (simon anyone?)

why is rosh never included in eriksson family time?

poor simon

(love his sweater tho)

who put the name joakim for willes second bodyguard out there? is it canon?

i hate this scene so much

simon did the right thing even though it breaks his (and willes AND MY) heart

hemlighet

love how we see simon leaving blurry in the background

felice being the best detective

also she calls the guy she asks where willes room is edvin

why isn't there a bodyguard in front of willes room?

willes little flinch when he sees simon on the screen

yes the confrontation scene!!!

august is working out again. of course.

why didn't wille mention erik in this scene tho? something like erik told me i could trust you

edvins acting is so good in this scene. rising star award winner indeed.

this phone call hurts so much

love how him hanging up stops the background music and we are left with silence until the match strikes and the choir begins singing

wille and simon are wearing so much more hair product than they did during the whole rest of the season

god jul

the sad scarf is back again

is simon talking with sime choir kids?

falling

we are falling now

förlåt

jag älskar dig

hoppas du fan en fin jul

tack simon

running with a crown on your head

he wants to run bad so badly

city's on fire but it's beautiful

chills literal chills

i hope they continue with the 4th wall breaks in s2

i love this show

i hate this show

[katnissmellarkkk]

Okayyyy here comes the next chapter ! Number .... lemme look. Okay, number six! 🥳🥳🥳

And yes, my thoughts as usual will be a messy, very Everlark-biased and full of typos. Letsss gooooo 🥰🥰🥰

Is this the first time Katniss and Peeta have been to their floor or is this just the most opportune time to explain and introduce the Tribute Center living quarters?

Also why are they called tributes anyway? That word suddenly seems weird to me after nine years... 🤔🤔🤔

“I've ridden the elevator a couple of times in the Justice Building back in District 12. Once to receive the medal for my father's death and then yesterday to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family” .... 😶😶 so only good memories and connotations to elevators then, huh?

“The walls of this elevator are made of crystal so that you can watch the people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up into the air.” My mind is just imagining the elevator in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s Spider-Man movies 🤗.

“It's exhilarating and I'm tempted to ask Effie Trinket if we can ride it again, but somehow that seems childish” this is so cute and innocent omg. Katniss, like I said in my last chapter blog, still has some childlike innocence left in her 🥺🥺🥺. I’m a sad.

Also excuse the unnecessary extra gif use but 🤭🤭🤭

Oh wow, so Haymitch hasn’t been around since they were on the train? No wonder neither Katniss nor Peeta fled they could trust him for basically the entirety of the first book. 😐😐😐

You know it’s bad when Effie being around feels like a blessing to Katniss. Girl has more restraint than me, I’d have ripped off this woman’s janky wig by now without remorse. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Effie acts like they’re her purebred show dogs. I know I know how is this news, that’s a blatant fact. The movies really softened her up tho for the general audience. And I bleed the movies and books together more than I should 😔😔😔

Well at least she’s made herself useful, trying to get Everlark sponsors ... even if it’s ultimately to benefit herself above anyone else .... 😤

Effie calling Twelve barbaric while she’s preparing them for the slaughter isn’t even ironic it’s like literally just brainless. Johanna probably had the nickname floating around for a lot of people before she officially knighted Katniss with it 😭

“Everyone has their reservations, naturally. You being from the coal district.” Is this how they refer to Twelve? So basically if a district makes a better item, it’s a more worthy one in the Capitol’s eyes? So essentially, if District Eight made like diamonds or pearls or whatever then it would be more worthy? So are the districts assigned their numbers (one, two, three, four, etc) based on their order of importance to the Capitol’s lifestyle? I always thought it was based on their distance in relation to the Capitol? Okay so I didn’t really pay much attention to these facts previously when I read these books ok look away I’m an idiot

Omg 😭😭😭😭 Effie is such an idiot. But the coal turns to pearls thing is my favorite line from her only because it serves as the cutest inside joke when Peeta makes a callback to it in Catching Fire and Finnick is just like “why are these two teenagers so stupid who did I ally with? 🥵😳🥵😳🥵”

“I wonder if the people she's been plugging us to all day either know or care.” After reading Songbirds and Snakes, I’m sure they don’t have a clue, boo. 😑😑😑😑 although not everyone was an idiot back then ... maybe Snow is putting lead in the drinking water?

“But don't worry, I'll get him to the table at gunpoint if necessary.” I know she’s trying to help and I know we say this kind of thing today, but considering this is two kids she’s well aware will be heading into a death match this is just bad wording I know surprise surprise 🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬😬

“Although lacking in many departments, Effie Trinket has a certain determination I have to admire.” Katniss really does see the best in people. What’s sad, y’all, is I think Katniss unconsciously really tries to like people and that’s why she has her guard up so high. Because the softer you are, the easier people will step all over you. Terrible phrasing here, Samantha, I’m so sorry to any of my readers ... okay now that sounded arrogant, implying I have readers 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅

“My quarters are larger than our entire house back home.” Omg? I mean, yes, I knew this already obviously no duh but like also. Just the fact that three people live in a space smaller than a bedroom and bathroom arena is saddy sad sad. Also do they have indoor plumbing in the Seam or is their backyards just full of—okay, I’ll see myself out. 😶🤭😅🙃

“The shower alone has a panel with more than a hundred options you can choose regulating water temperature, pressure, soaps, shampoos, scents, oils, and massaging sponges.” I’m just imagining a Spongebob scene ngl.

I’m sorry there’s so many gifs this time around it’s probably taking us out of the reading headspace I’ll never do it again 😩😩😩😩 I talk like I have a class of people listening to me 🤭🤭🤭

“Instead of struggling with the knots in my wet hair, I merely place my hand on a box that sends a current through my scalp, untangling, parting, and drying my hair almost instantly” I need this someone invent this NOW my brush is yanking out my hair 😔😩

“I program the closet for an outfit to my taste.” ‘Yes, Alexa, I’d like a hunting jacket, some boots and a green shirt. Yes, it can be brown.’

“You need only whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.” I like this idea because it means that Peeta could order hot choccy to comfort Katniss after her nightmares in Catching Fire from the comfort of her their own bed. 🤗🤗🤗 also I want this for myself. The bad people are giving my greedy self ideas look away everyone 😬

“I walk around the room eating goose liver and puffy bread until there's a knock on the door.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Of everything you could have chosen, child, this is what you decided on? Someone help my girl and her rotten tastebuds now.

“Effie's calling me to dinner. Good. I'm starving.” Baby, you were just eating. She’s so nutritionally messed up. 😔😔😔

Katniss trying wine 🥳🥳🥳 she’s so funny, trying to find a way to improve the taste 😅. She’ll make a good taste tester for her baker husband one day.

Hahahaha Katniss not liking the feeling and judging Haymitch for always being tipsy. Also this is sad because she ends up addicted to morphling later one which is far worse than a little wine.

I’m glad to know Baked Alaska survived the apocalypse 😅🥳

Katniss just constantly trying to decipher the recipe of every meal and how to recreate it reads cute on a surface level but it’s actually so tragic because everything to this girl is based around food. Like even more than is typically noticed. They really should have given a hint at this in the first movie. Good thing she marries a man who can always keep her full.

I’m just forever side-eyeing you, Gare Bear.

That’s Gary Ross for the confused kids in the back.

Why does Katniss yelling mid-sentence, “oh! I know you!” add to her innocence? 🥺 it’s because she was overwhelmed by all the food and new luxuries she’d never even been able to imagine ... and also this is pre her first games so she’s still got some childhood left in her 😩😔

I wonder how Lavinia felt seeing Katniss volunteer and knowing she’d be her Avox? I wonder if she, like Cinna, somehow volunteered to be her Avox?

I mean ... talk about convenient placement that this specific girl was assigned to Katniss’ district—oh wait, y’all, I just caught myself. She’s from Twelve. She was assigned to Twelve’s tributes because she’s from there, duh. I’m such an airhead omg just call me Effie.

Don’t you actually dare.

“When I look back, the four adults are watching me like hawks.” Meanwhile, Peeta is just like 😬😬😬 eating his dinner.

Actually, ngl, this could be such a reach and it probably is but like maybe Peeta sensed a confrontation coming and, because of his implied upbringing, he naturally becomes silent or makes himself invisible when trouble starts looking like it’s gonna arise. 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know why I say these things I’m just hurting my own feelings but ya know the drill. I thought it so I said it.

Why is Effie yelling at Katniss for saying she knows the Avox girl like omg overreaction much? And I know, the sky is blue 🙄🙄🙄 she’s prejudiced against basically everyone, I know, I know

Rip her wig off, Katty Deen 🤗🤗🤗

Oh I stupidly forgot that Avoxes are supposedly known by everyone to be traitors or criminals. So I suppose this isn’t Effie’s worst offense but I’m keeping a tally anyways

Katniss is blaming her stuttering on the wine but my girl just has social anxiety 😔😔😔

Peeta coming in with a save 😭😭😭 he’s already trying saving his girl 🤧

Alsoooo the unspoken friendship, the covering for the other and teaming up against the adults, is still riding high and going strong here 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 look away, y’all, the shipper comments are coming in strong

Also why is this the first real interaction with Peeta in this chapter yet? My baby needs more page-time 🤭🤭🤭

“Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.” Now why did Katniss just tear Delly to shreds for no reason at all 😭😭😭 this was a surprise assault on the poor girl 🙃🙃🙃🙃

“She may also be the friendliest person on the planet - she smiles constantly at everybody in school, even me.” Okay not to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... but to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... this description of poor, sweet Delly is actually indicative of Peeta’s character? Since Delly, we find out in Mockingjay, is Peeta’s childhood best friend, her personality being this sunny, kind, good-natured person tells us Peeta has always probably been somewhat like her and perhaps not as much like the other town kids Katniss implies to be stuck up or snooty. Maybe Katniss is just shady and deflects onto others 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also the fact that she gives this like ... mean description of Delly but saw Peeta as popular, even though surely Delly and Peeta spent time at school together, implies further that Katniss did indeed harbor a secret crush on Peeta even before the reaping. A very mild comparison of his on her though, of course 😅😅😅

“It must be the hair” “something about the eyes too” their piggybacking on the other’s comments really is just chiefs kiss 😘🤗🥰🤧 FYI I know the saying is chefs kiss but I made the typo once a long time ago and decided to add it forever to my brand 🤗🙃🥳

Also though this Everlark interaction is reminiscent of when two kids get caught by their teacher goofing off in class and covering for each other 🥰 only it’s a lot more deadly stakes

“A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us.” She’s so modest 🤧🤧🤧 her narration here and during the Tribute Parade just has the vibes of ... well .... sorry in advance

Haymitch’s comment “Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice” leads me to think he and Cinna and maybe Portia were always in cahoots about the rebellion even before Katniss and Peeta came along and well ... lit their match on fire 🥁🤗🤣🤭

Katniss is like “rebellion??? Rebellion where??? What’s that you old people speak of???” And yet, girlfriend goes out to the woods and hunts illegally every day of her life 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

“But when I remember the other couples, standing stiffly apart, never touching or acknowledging each other, as if their fellow tribute did not exist” too lazy too look it up but there’s a quote from Ballad about Lucy Gray and Jessup being distinguished by their visible friendship too that set them apart from the other tributes.

Either Suzanne thought of drawing a nice parallel showing what a failed Everlark attempt looks like, because I firmly stand by the fact that without their real feelings behind their act, even Katniss’ unconscious ones, they wouldn’t have pulled it off, or Suzzie just reused her own content. I prefer the former but I think it’s probably the latter 🤭🤭🤭

“Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk." I know Haymitch is being facetious here but this quote reminded me of the fact that the movies would have hit differently if they’d cast actual sixteen year olds in the roles.

“When we get to my door, he leans against the frame, not blocking my entrance exactly but insisting I pay attention to him.” This is such a flirty, high school boy pose, you cannot convince me otherwise 😭😭😭

Also I definitely feel like Peeta is getting more and more confident here because he’s oblivious to Katniss’ inner monologue as much as she is his actually we all are his sadly and he probably thinks she’s starting to like him 🤧🤧🤧

“So, Delly Cartwright. Imagine finding her lookalike here." 🤣 He honestly cracks me up idk why this line isn’t even special or that great. He’s just so ... subtly nosy / funny. Which brings me to that quote from Mockingjay where Katniss talks about his sense of humor because it’s one of the things she loves most about him 😭😭😭

But he’s like, “I can keep a secret, Katniss, tell me who that tongueless chick is to you 😬”

Katniss stop talking about debts, friends cover for the other all the time 🙄🙄 I know it’s in her character stop yelling at a fish for swimming that’s not a real phrase I know that too

Okay first of all, they’re about to share a secret 🥰🥰🥰🥰. My shipper goggles are on tight and obstructing my vision. I know this and am proud 😬🥳🤗

And secondly, “Maybe sharing a confidence will actually make him believe I see him as a friend.” Hey, butthead, you two are already friends. She doesn’t even recognize that the girl who constantly sits with her, talks to her, eats with her and trades with her is her friend either though, I’m shocked she calls Gale her friend

Does Peeta get to know Cinna too? I don’t think so but it’s mentioned now a couple times in this chapter alone that Peeta has interacted with Cinna. Katniss never interacts or has a conversation with Portia.... then again, is that even surprising? Katniss isn’t ... what you would call ... social. Hashtag relatable.

Awww, they’re communicating so effectively together 🥰😭🤧🥳

Also rooftops belong to Everlark only 😍😊😉 I mean, seriously, Katniss never goes up on a rooftop with anyone else. Besides Haymitch in the first movie but we ignore.

“Electricity in District 12 comes and goes, usually we only have it a few hours a day.” Earlier she said the Seam didn’t often have electricity, in particular, so either she’s not specifying her section of the district anymore or Suzanne is backtracking.

“But here there would be no shortage. Ever.” I’ve had two power outages recently so clearly the Capitol isn’t based on us currently today then 😐😐 I’m just joking ok

“I asked Cinna why they let us up here. Weren't they worried that some of the tributes might decide to jump right over the side?” .... boyfriend, where does your mind go sometimes? Peeta’s darker than we realize, y’all 🤭🤭🙃🙃

“He holds out his hand into seemingly empty space. There's a sharp zap and he jerks it back” between this and Catching Fire, Peeta is addicted to getting shocked by forcefields 🤧🤧🤧

“I wonder if we're supposed to be up here now, so late and alone.” If this was a romantic drama or comedy, that line would have meant something a lot more fun 😒😔😬😉😏

“On the other side of the dome, they've built a garden with flower beds and potted trees.” Is this meant to resemble Snow’s grandmother’s garden???? Like he had them put a garden there to like ... put a piece of his Grandma’am in the games? Idk this made zero sense it was a stupid thought

Two people in a garden at night, with wind chimes, sounds romantic in any other context. 🥺🥺

Ummm does everyone in the entire district know Katniss and her father used to hunt together?

Oh nevermind, Lavinia is not from District Twelve. My bad, guys. I should go up and edit my previous thoughts but that’s a lot of work. 😅😅😅

Katniss, stop being so hard on yourself. You and Gale were kids. 😣😣

Ummm, Katniss for a girl always complimenting Peeta’s storyteller, you’re pretty good at painting a picture yourself...

Peeta noticing she’s shivering 🥰🥺

He gives her ... his jacket 😭😭😭😭 such a romantic troupe Samantha, get over it there’s literally children dying

Oh wow, Lavinia was from the Capitol originally. Hmm, it is sus now that she got District Twelve this particular year.

But also 🤧🤧🤧 “he secures a button at my neck.”

His hands .... are .... often .... at her .... neck .... 😶😬 .... look away, y’all

Oh wow, Katniss is over here thinking, “who’d leave the Capitol if they were from here???” And Peeta’s like instantly, loudly, without hesitating, “well I would 🙋🏼‍♂️”

Hot take, y’all ready? Peeta was a bigger rebel than Katniss from the start. At least internally.

Awww, Peeta is so jealous 😭😭😭😭 and kind of nosy 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss : “me and Gale are not related” Peeta : “😬🙃😭😩😶”

“I'd set out to tell her I was sorry about dinner. [...] my apology runs much deeper. [...] I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger. Just like I was watching the Games.” I feel like this is actually a good comparison though, because of you grew up in a society where you have to watch kids die, your whole entire life you’ve watched it in a glorified television show, you would be really desensitized to it...

“You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.” Here she’s talking about Lavinia but it applies to Peeta too. Katniss was Lavinia’s last hope and she feels like she let her down but Peeta was her last hope once and he came through. And, as she said in chapter one, she’ll never forget him for it. And for other things too. Later on. 😏

Of course my last bullet point was focused on Everlark 🤣 is anyone surprised you shouldn’t be we all knew who this post was written by right? 😅

And once again, if too made through this marathon, congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳 maybe next chapter I’ll talk less not likely though so don’t count on it 😅

[snusbandxknifewife]

Sticky ficky 9

~~~~

That’s right hoes, I’m back and bringing you more sticky ficky content. I really set this chapter up expecting to introduce work on a string but it didn’t happen I PROMISE I SET IT UP FOR NEXT CHAPTER THO

~~~~~~

Silence greeted Jude as she stepped, shaking and weak, out of the shower. She could still see bits and pieces of her dream in her mind’s eye, could still feel the sharpness of Cardan’s nails digging into her neck and smell Balekin’s rotting flesh.

She tried to take deep breaths, to swallow around the painful lump in her throat, but she couldn’t find the strength to.

Just as she was about to start hyperventilating again, she heard a knock at the door. It started soft, just three delicate raps. But when nobody answered, the knocking became louder.

Funny, Vivienne and Oak should still be home. Why weren’t they opening the door?

Jude kept her plush blue towel wrapped tightly around her and walked through the apartment, her wet feet threatening to slip on the linoleum floors.

“Fucking calm down, I’m here,” she griped as the person on the other side continued to beat at the door. Still, nothing couldn’t prepared her for what she saw on the other side.

There, out in the hallway, was Heather.

She opened the door, crossing her arms over her chest. “Vivienne isn’t here.”

Heather brightened upon seeing her, only dulling slightly at the mention of her ex before smiling once more and pushing into the apartment.

“I’m not here for Vivi,” she stated. “I’m here for you.”

Jude, who couldn’t stop the puzzlement from showing on her face, merely watched as Heather continued through the apartment she’d once shared. She was carrying a long sleeve of fabric, longer even than her leg, tucked up under her arm.

Heather stopped in front of Jude’s door and motioned for her to enter. Jude raised a brow in response.

“Get dressed,” she ordered. “We’re going out.”

She said it with enough confidence that Jude didn’t even question it. She moved robotically, going to her room and dressing in comfortable leggings and an old concert hoodie. As she laced up her boots, she studied her sister’s ex lover.

“Why are you here?” Jude finally asked.

“I told you, I’m here for you,” she answered, then her face faltered a bit. “I need someone to talk to about,” she sighed, “everything. It’s messing with my head and I can’t figure it all out”

Reasonable enough, Faerie can unhinge even the most sane of people.

Jude, dressed and ready, nodded for Heather to lead the way. It didn’t even occur to her as she walked out the door that it was the first time in weeks she’d left her self-determined prison. After the dream, she was tired, too bone tired to think about her own sorrow.

She was tired enough to try something new.

Neither woman spoke as they hopped on the bus. Being late morning, most people in the city were already at work. It was just them and the bus driver, sitting in a comfortable silence that was broken only by the humming of passing cars.

As they got off the bus and the smell of salt hit Jude, she finally asked what they were doing.

“I always used to go kite flying when I needed to think,” Heather explained. “ I’d go with my dad when I was younger and Vivi when we were together. It helped me talk things out.”

Jude blinked against the sunlight, her body still used to the Faerie timeline.

“I can’t exactly talk this out with dear old dad,” she reasoned. Jude snorted.

It was the first sound that resembled a laugh she’d made in weeks.

When she was a little girl and her parents still lived, they always used to go to the beach during the summer. She can remember days spent building castles out of sand and doing cartwheels down the coastline, searching the water with her twin for any sign of mermaids.

The mermaids she’d imagined were far sweeter than the ones who really lived.

“C’mon, kick your shoes off!”

So Jude did. She tucked her socks into her boots and tied the laces so she could hang them round her shoulders while they walked. Together, Jude and Heather stepped off the boardwalk and into the sand, the warmth of the sun-baked earth seeping into the bottoms of their feet.

They walked in silence and Jude thanked whatever gods existed for the fact that the surf was calm that day. They could barely hear the ocean and hardly anyone was in the water.

“Here looks like a good spot,” Heather decided aloud, dropping her shoes and the sleeve she carried.

“What’s that?”

“My dual-line,” she answered, pulling fabric and strings and handles and sticks out of the sleeve. “I figured I’d bring the easy one, in case you wanted to try.”

“I’ve never seen a kite that looked like that,” Jude observed the mess of black and purple and green nylon as Heather began to unravel the strings from around the handle.

Heather grinned at her, laying out some forty feet of line. “It was handmade by a guy down in Georgia. My dad bought it from the artist. It was my first stunt kite, I never liked mono-lines.”

Jude watched quietly as the other girl set up the vaguely triangular kite, testing the tension on the carbon fiber rods that held the fabric open before using a lark’s head knot to tie either of the handle’s strings to separate sides of the kite.

“Watch this,” Heather grinned, setting the kite down so it was being pushed back by the wind.

So Jude crosses her arms and watched Heather walk her way back to the handles, keeping the kite’s lines taught so it didn’t go over into the sand. Then, when she’d gotten the handles firmly grasped, she took a step back.

And the kite launched into the sky.

For all the beauty Jude had witnessed in Faerie, nothing was quite like this. It flew, nothing like a bird and everything like a leaf gliding through the wind. Though the colors were glaringly unnatural, it still gave off a calming sense of beauty.

Jude had become so used to the terrifying version of pretty that she’d forgotten what mundane beauty could look like. She’d forgotten how much she’d loved it.

Heather whooped as she caught the wind, pulling the line in her right hand towards her so the kite did a spin in the air and laughing at how it oversteered. They squinted together, watching the kite fall and then rise as it lost and caught gusts of air.

Jude smiled. It was small, and it was gone quickly, but she’d smiled all the same.

“Would you like to try?” Heather asked and she nodded, letting her friend hand her the handles and then stand behind her to help her get the hang of things.

“If you want it to turn left, pull the left handle towards you. For right, pull the right. Don’t move the handles side to side. Lift them up for the kite to go higher and pull them down for it to go lower,” she explained, laughing loudly as Jude promptly did exactly the wrong thing and sent the kite smashing into the ground.

“Oh shit—“

“Don’t worry!” Heather exclaimed, running over to the downed kite. “They’re tough!”

She picked up the kite and set the tip back towards the sky, holding it aloft and telling Jude to step back. When she did, Heather launched the kite once more.

What must’ve been an hour passed as she taught Jude the ins and outs of stunt flying. She got talking about her foils and her quad-lines and how her mother knew how to spin a mono-line and keep it in the air. She told Jude stories of competitions she’d watched and festivals she’d been to. She even mentioned how she’d started a kite flying club in her highschool.

“It’s just something about the way the wind whispers through the trees on a good day,” she grinned. “Sets my soul at ease. Nothing quite clears the mind like a kite in the sky.”

“We don’t have kites in Faerie,” Jude whispered, almost reverent in her tone. “I suppose it loses its appeal when so many people can fly themselves.”

She passed the handles back to Heather, who began doing tricks like a seasoned professional.

“Faerie loses its appeal when the people have no appreciation for simple things,” Heather whispered back, sounding perturbed. “Like trust, for that matter.”

Jude snorted as Heather made the kite fly in a square. “Trust? In Faerieland? Vivi didn’t prepare you at all.”

Heather shot her a look and the two stared at each other for a long time until the kite crashed down again.

She walked to grab the kite and launch it for Heather.

“How’d you survive? Back when you were a child, I mean.”

Jude crosses her arms, moving back to her previous spot, keeping her eyes on the kite the whole time.

“Madoc viewed us as his responsibility after he killed Mom and Dad,” she shrugged. “And we were children. The fae are usually very careful with children, even human ones. Babies are so unbelievably rare that to harm a child would be unthinkable for most.”

She allowed herself to look back over and catch Heather watching her.

“I suppose we just got lucky that we had enough time to learn the ways of Elfhame.”

Heather turned back to the kite.

“And we used a lot of Rowan berries and salt.”

The other girl pursed her lips and sent the kite careening towards the sand, saving it at the last possible moment. “I just don’t understand how an entire people can be so unbearably cruel. So evil and manipulative, especially when they can’t lie.”

“They’re self-satisfying,” she offered like it wasn’t a bad thing. “A way of life that you either get used to or get crushed by.”

“Don’t they ever get tired of being selfish?”

“Why would they?” Jude half laughed. “It gets them what they want.”

She let the kite fall and neither woman went to retrieve it.

“Do you ever get tired of playing their game?” Heather asked.

Jude blinked, her fingers tapping a soundless rhythm on the elbow of her crossed arm as she stared out into the calm, glassy sea.

“I get tired of losing it,” she finally answered. “And I tire of the fact that I only lose when my selfishness isn’t driven by destruction.”

Together they sat down and Heather, sensing Jude wasn’t done, waited for the younger woman to continue.

“I’ve killed more people than I care to count, bathed in blood and dug secret graves in the dead of night. I’ve engineered the fall of the eldest Greenbriar child and, unknowingly, helped set the stage for the fall of the others.”

“I’ve dominated meetings and outsmarted countless people I shouldn’t have been able to outsmart.” She finally turned to look at Heather. “I’ve done all this and more. So why is it that it only works when I’m hurting someone? Why is it that, on the briefest occasion I do something out of love—be it crowning Cardan to protect my brother or taking a lover for myself for once or giving myself to a man in marriage because I genuinely thought he cared—why is it that love breeds failure for me?”

Heather blinked calmly, weighing the question in her mind, rolling her thoughts around on her tongue and playing with the handles of her kite as it fluttered oh-so-slightly on the sand.

“I don’t think love breeds failure for you,” she finally started, “merely success that you aren’t comfortable with.”

Jude raised a brow at her before leaning back in the sand, throwing her arms across her face to block her eyes from the sun.

“Jude, I’m serious!” Heather insisted. “I get that ruling through Cardan didn’t go as smoothly as you liked, but Oak got to be safe here. He gets to be a normal kid for awhile, learn some basic kindness.”

She went to respond, but Heather cut her off.

“And yeah that Locke guy was a complete and total tool, but plenty of men are. It wasn’t your insistence on loving him that made him a two-timing whore and your sister a back-stabbing bitch.”

Jude couldn’t help but smirk at that.

“And, while I’ll admit I don’t really know what’s going on with you and Cardan right now, the fact remains that you’re still married. He could’ve tried to divorce you instead of sending you away. That has to count for something, right?”

“He banished me for murdering his brother,” she felt her face sour at the very idea of Balekin. “Never mind that he challenged me to a duel and, per the rules of courtesy and the fae’s slavish insistence on obeying it, I couldn’t turn him down.”

Heather opened her mouth.

“And never mind that he forced me to kiss him in the Undersea—“

“WOAH!” Heather exclaimed and Jude went quiet. “He did what?”

She uncovered her face and opened an eye, squinting up at her friend and raising her brows at the shocked expression that she wore.

“When I was trapped in the Undersea he made me come to him,” she explained, covering her face once more. “I guess he had an idea that I might feel something for his brother so he forced me to kiss him the same way I’d kiss Cardan. He thought me glamoured, I had no choice.”

“Jude that’s assault.”

“Add it to the thousand other things that’ve been done to me. You get used to it after awhile.”

She felt Heather’s hand on her shoulder and started, uncovering her face in shock and finding the older girl staring at her in horror.

“Jude that’s not right. Just because it happens a lot doesn’t mean it’s okay.”

She chewed the inside of her lip as Heather’s face scrunched up in determination. “You should use some of your murdery badassery next time someone tries that shit on you. I’ll help, I’ve got a taser that looks like lipstick.”

Jude wanted to laugh, but the completely serious look that Heather wore stopped her.

How long it had been since someone was willing to go to war for her and her alone. Well, if you ignore what Cardan did to get her freed from the Undersea. But was that really the same? He’d not lifted a finger, and he’d had the power of half an army and magic that could boil the sea.

Heather has nothing, likely not even basic fight training, and she was still ready to back Jude up.

“How are you handling things since,” Jude changed the subject, “y’know, with Vivi?”

Heather’s face soured and she huffed, staring out at the sea.

“I’m so angry,” she admitted. “I could get over her not preparing me, I could get over the whole cat thing. But taking my memories? Deciding that I’m not adult enough or strong enough to remember what’s been done to me? I don’t know if that’s forgivable.”

The way her voice broke at the end told Jude everything she needed to know and she wrapped her arm around Heather.

“But you want to forgive her.”

“You know I do,” she sounded so forlorn. “I love her so much Jude, but I don’t know how we cone back from something this devastating.”

“If you figure it out, I wanna be the first to know,” Jude snorted and Heather cracked a smile once again. “What a pair we make.”

“I’ve never been friends with a murderer before. Or a queen, for that matter,” Heather observed. “Do you get used to it?”

“The murder part? Absolutely.”

Heather shot her a rueful grin. “I have much less of a problem with you getting used to that then the assault thing.”

“What a coincidence,” Jude laughed. “Me too.”

~~~~

The Jude and Heather friendship I always needed in my life. Next chapter will be Jude and Heather go to/have gone to a kite shop and seen the worms on a string. Some WILL be purchased I promise.

I know it’s no Cardan and no sticky hands but I needed some Jude healing. I think we can all agree she needed to talk through her feelings with someone who was close enough to care but far enough away to point out when she wasn’t being treated right.

~~~

Tag list: @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @hizqueen4life @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thewickedkings @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @cheekycheekycheeks @queen-of-glass @b00kworm @doingmyrainbow @andromeddea @jurdanhell @thesirenwashere @sweetlyvillainous @courtofjurdan @clockworkgraystairs @st00pid231

[kathyprior4200]

My Little Hazbins: Redemption is Magic!

Art by CHLane123

DEDICATED TO MAGICTRIX COSPLAY AND BLACK GRYPH0N

In Tartarus, the black alicorn Archangels sent by Princess Celestia had finished imprisoning several demon ponies and monsters. Those unfortunate enough to be imprisoned would be sitting around in cages day after day, with no hope of escape. Tartarus was filled with dragons, manticores, hydras, shadow ponies, and a wide array of villains. The three-headed dog Cerberus guarded the entrance. The only view of the outside world was the occasional glimpse of the sky and Ponyville when the heavy doors of Tartarus opened and closed.

 One pony princess walked sadly on a balcony of the Trottin’ Hotel. Her name was Charlie Mane, the pony princess of Tartarus. Her coat was white and she had red blushes on her cheeks. Her mane of hair was long, curly, and blonde, as was her tail. The front part of her was covered by a pink tuxedo suit with a black bow tie. Using her white unicorn horn, she sent bursts of fireworks into the darkness, which seemed to wake up the other demonic ponies and monsters down below. On her flank was her cutie mark, a red apple in a heart shape with a pentagram in the center.

 Tears flowing down her eyes, she began to sing out loud:

 “At the end of the rainbow, there’s happiness

And to find it, how often I’ve tried

But my life is a race

Just a wild horse chase

And my dreams have all been denied”

 “A ray of hope in this world of black

I wish the world to be free of sin

But no matter hard I try

I can’t get by

I never seem to win”

  “Why have I always been a failure?

What can the reason be?

I wonder if the world’s to blame

I wonder if it could be me”

 “I’m always chasing rainbows

Watching Cloudsdale drifting by

My schemes are just like all my dreams

Ending in the sky”

 “Some ponies look and find the sunshine

I always look and find the rain

Some ponies make a winning sometimes

I never even make the game

Believe me”

 “Will this world be a better place?

Or will loss never go away?

The choices I face, me, a disgrace

Loss of hope here to stay”

  “I’m always chasing rainbows

Watching clouds drifting by

My schemes are just like my dreams

Ending in the sky”

  “I’m always chasing rainbows

Waiting to find Rainbow Dash and friends

In vain.”

  Not too far away from Charlie’s location, a slender female pony wearing a black dress, opened up red curtains and watched the fireworks in the sky. Toward the back was a slender black pony wearing a black top hat with a skull on it. His face was stormy gray and his two large eyes were yellow. He casually sipped from a red goblet, using his hoof. Behind him was a shadowy figure of a tall cyclops pony…and the white alicorn Lucifer sitting on a chair, holding his cane.

 At Valentino’s Porn Studios, a demon unicorn pony named Vox posed for a selfie, his cutie mark a TV, his head dark blue with a small black top hat. He wore a large red bow-tie. A short earth pony with wild hair sat next to him, smiling and typing into her phone. Valentino, the owner, lounged in a chair, wearing heart-shaped glasses, a red robe and displaying sharp teeth. His coat was light blue-gray, his black mane slicked back. His cutie mark was a bag of money with a silhouette of a naked mare in a pose. He tapped his hoof impatiently as he glanced down at texts.

 Valentino: Did you get my bits, Angie baby?

Angel Dust: I’m wittha John now. I don’t get why this needed to happen so soon after the imprisoning tho. Boss.

Valentino: Just do it. No sass. K sugar.

Angel Dust: Yes, Val.

 Down below, a dark pony with a mane of hair proudly took a discarded weapon into her mouth and left to sell it on the black market. The harpoon weapon could stun any pony, leaving them open for imprisonment, or even death to the more sinister folk. An emotionless pony wearing a lab coat and red glasses, wrote on a clipboard, her pen in her mouth. Rosie, an Earth pony wearing a large fancy pink hat with pony skulls on it, crossed out Franklin’s name on the “Franklin and Rosie’s Emporium” sign. Rosie grinned as Franklin was mauled by dark hydras.

  TURF WARS

 The time on the grand clock read 5:07, and down below, the next patrol would occur in 365 days. A small blue pony fell down to the ground with a yell, a cloud of dust rising in the air. The pony had six dark blue hooves and large red eyes. He touched his face and body, clearly relieved.

“Oh, I’m alive. I’m alive!” he exclaimed.

Immediately, he was run over by a speeding car, exploding in a flash of blood.

The car stopped on a road, where a Jackpot Hotel and Casino stood in the background.

A tall, white demon pony hopped out of the car and rested his hoof on the top of the door. He slicked back the hair on his head with one of his pink gloved hooves. Being a pony with spider-like features, he had multiple hooves, six in total. He wore a black bow tie, tall stiletto boots, and a shirt with pink and white stripes. His large irises were pink, the sclera in his left eye dark instead of white. Pink dots resembling small eyes were lined up below his eyes. His right eye had black schlera, his left eye white, both with pink pupils. His tail was furry and white like his mane of hair. On his bare flank, a cutie mark of a heart and a bag of white slugs was displayed.

 “Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff,” said the driver.

The white pony closed the door. “Yeah, yeah, listen. Keep this discreet, hear me? I can’t let it get out I’m offering my services to rando ponies on the street. It was a quick cash grab, ya got that?”

Travis, the dark black pony scoffed. He wore a black hat and both his eyes were red. One eye had black sclera. His fur coat was messy and his cutie mark was an owl with red eyes.

“Whatever you say, butt!” he mocked with a laugh.

The white pony cupped his face dramatically. “Ouch, ooh, such an insult!”

Travis stared nervously, a small heart in his left eye.

The white pony leaned in, showing a mouth full of fangs. “Let me know when you come up with something creative to call me, you sack of poorly packed horse spit!”

He poked Travis in the face with one hoof, and grabbed his collar by one of his other hooves.

“Tell the missus I said hi,” he added before giving Travis a quick kiss.

“Pack of poor…” Travis muttered, rolling up his window and speeding off. The car squealed and flipped over on its side in the air, falling with a loud crash.

 The white pony glanced over at a nearby store. A sign advertising a casino with a pack of cards on the front read, “Casino: just a few wins away.” Beside an elevator, was a fridge with an upside down cross on the front. A vending machine with the word “drugs” on it in white letters, caught the pony’s attention. Giddy with excitement, he trotted over and glanced down at the options:

 Coke

Bojack

McWeedies420

Squip

Hero-in

Krunchy Krokodil

Angel Dust

  The pony pressed “Angel Dust” and a white sack of drugs fell to the bottom. With a greedy smile, he took it in his hoof. Coincidentally, Angel Dust was also his name.

With a yoink, a small gray pony snatched the bag from Angel’s hooves with his mouth.

“Hey!” Angel called angrily.

“Up yours, drag show!” he taunted, before being crushed to death by a boulder.

“Oh my god!” Angel cried in terror, racing to the scene.

But it wasn’t the fallen thief he was concerned about.

“My drugs! Damn it!” he cursed, picking up a piece of the sack.

  Overhead were neon signs on top of buildings. One in yellow letters read “Begg Clop” and another one in teal: “I couldn’t think of a pun for our shop but we sell hard drugs!”

  Angel turned around and spotted a flying metal aircraft, which was firing lasers at buildings. It looked like an industrial rocket ship made with gears and a steampunk style to it. A metal hook hung from the bottom of it. The lasers struck the buildings, which caused bright pink explosions to fill the air.

From inside the ship, a dark gray Pegasus stood high above over the controls, laughing manically. Down below, his deviled egg colt minions stood and watched. Each of them wore black top hats and pinstriped round clothing, and the scurried around on all fours. They were called Egg Colts.

The room had deep purple walls, cabinets for the minions and decorations of their leader along the wall.

The overlord was Sir. Stallionus. He wore a gray coat with yellow vertical stripes down the front. He wore a top hat with a moving pink eye and a grinning mouth of fangs. He sprouted a demonic grin of his own, his teeth sharp. His coat was dark gray and his cutie mark was a black snake. His gray wings opened up to reveal pink eyes against yellow skin flaps. His mane of hair and tail were long and black.

 Up on the platform, he oriented two levers in his hooves, the control button in the center displaying a pentagram design.

“Those other cowardly sinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision. The power of my machines are unmatched! No pony else can compare to the likes of I!”

One egg minion with #23 on his back added, “Gee that was pretty swell boss!”

“Yeah!” another chimed in: #666.

“You really showed them what for!” called a third.

Another minion teasingly ran his hoof up the overlord’s back. “I like it when you shot them with your ray gun…”

Sir Stallionous punched a minion out the window and whirled around in anger. The other minions backed up. “I wish he’d shoot me with his ray gun,” a minion whispered, head lowered.

Sir Stallionous rolled his eyes at his masochist minions. He turned back to the controls and grinned. Pentagram circles revealed the areas he had taken over and the other territories ahead. “At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of Tartarus Town by day’s end!”

He laughed and bragged some more. “And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering, will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!”

As to prove his point, he grabbed a minion in his hoof and tightly squeezed him.

Another minion blew a noisemaker and then popped open a blue bottle of a brown drink. The overlord threw the minion across the room as the eggs celebrated down below.

“Tartarus will be mine,” he declared, “and everybody will know the name of Sir …”

“Edgelord!” yelled a voice.

“Pardon?!” Sir Stallionous shot back in shock. “Who said that?!”

He leaned in close to two of his minions, not pleased.

“What did you just say to me, you fried hay-eating chicken fetuses?!”

The minions shook in fear.

“Speak up!” he hissed.

“It wasn’t us, mister boss sir!” said a minion.

 Just then, an object shot through the glass at the front, creating a small hole. A small pink bomb with a black horseshoe on the front, landed on the floor. Sir Stallionous observed it for a moment…the bomb looked like a cherry…which could only mean…

The bomb exploded, covering the room in sparkles and thick red smoke.

Sir Stallionous coughed and swiped some of the smoke away.

“You looking for a fight, old Equine?” a female voice challenged.

Sir Stallionous spotted his rival standing proud and casually catching another bomb in her hoof: Cherry Bomb.

She towered tall in pink high heel boots on her four hooves, ripped black jeans along her legs, a pink crop top with an x on the front. She also had white wings with black specks on them. She had a long strawberry blonde mane and tail, a single pink eye with an x that took up most of her white face…a grin of sharp teeth…it was her alright. Her cutie mark was a cherry.

“Why don’t you get that tinker toy horsespit off my turf before I smash it…” she declared before catching her bomb in her wing. A random barbell of metal crashed into the floor close to Cherri Bomb.

“…more.”

“Oh, you wanna go, missy?” Sir Stallionus retorted. He flicked his mane back before opening it. Well, I’m happy to oblige!”

He let out another evil laugh as his minions closed in, holding stun guns in their mouths, which crackled with yellow electricity.

But Cherri Bomb wasn’t scared. With graceful leaps, she avoided the blasts and threw down another bomb. She used the cover to escape, jumping down and swinging once from the anchor at the bottom of the flying craft. Landing gracefully on the ground, she continued her assault from below.

“Catch me if you can, pony boy!”

“Get her!” he bellowed through the red smoke, the eggs quickly running around in a frenzy.

 The minions jumped to the ground after her, the overlord following suit. Cherri Bomb dodged a blast, grinned and picked up the minion egg in her mouth. She spun around and threw the minion straight into Sir Stallionous’ face. He threw the egg back at her, and she caught it with one hoof.

“Thanks for the gift!” she called out, before cracking the egg open with an evil grin. She placed a bomb into it, then threw it back at him...straight to his face. Sir Stallionous could only make a face of surprise before the egg blew up in pink smoke.

“Why you little…”

Cherri Bomb ducked as another egg pony sailed over her head.

 Just then, a familiar white pony stomped on an egg minion and threw a grenade in the distance.

“Angel Dust!” called Cherri Bomb, happy to have her partner in crime arrive.

“Great to see you too, sweetie!” he teased.

Another pink explosion filled the air as the fight continued.

“Hey, thanks for the backup, Angie!” Cherri Bomb said as she fired a flaming red arrow with a large gun over toward Sir Stallionous.

Angel Dust laughed, leaning against volcanic rock as cover. He threw a grenade over his head with a hoof.

“You kiddin’? This is the best action I’ve seen in ages!”

A pink explosion rocked the streets.

“Where have you been anyway?” she asked. “I thought you up and gone away or some spit.”

“I wish,” he remarked as he lit another fuse and handed the bomb to his ally. She threw it forward, then ducked behind the rock next to Angel.

Angel continued, “I’ve been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some boards are lettin’ me stay rent-free if I play nice.” They covered their ears.

A column of green smoke rose into the air with a fiery whoosh. The duo leaped over the rock and charged at the army of egg minions on all fours. Using four hooves, Angel Dust fired rapidly from a gun at the minions, making some of them explode.

He sighed, and used one of his hooves to gesture. “Y’know, no fights, no pranks, no “problematic language.” Her words, not mine.”

He tripped an unsuspecting minion, sending him into the air and exploding in a yellow yok mess. He waved a spiked club and continued firing his gun.

“These naysayers are no fun!” Angel complained in frustration. Splatters of yok landed on his head and face. “I’ve been clean for two weeks!”

“Holy spit!” Cherri Bomb yelled after avoiding a green explosion and leaping into the air.

Angel scooped up yok with his hoof. “Well, sorta clean.” He smashed apart another egg minion with his club. “As clean as you can get with a spitload of powder shipped down from Las Pegasus.”

Angel’s shadowy silhouette displayed sharp fangs, and pony ears as Cherri posed in the background, one of her boots missing. A sign read “50% off meth” above a small super market.

A black chain wrapped tightly around Angel’s waist sending him flying backwards. Cherri Bomb gasped as her ally was pulled away. Sir Stallionous threw the chained Angel Dust hard onto the ground a distance away. He landed with a thud against volcanic rock.

“Oh, harder daddy!” Angel teased with a wide smirk.

Sir Stallionous gasped, eyes tearing up. “Son?!”

Angel Dust stared blankly, one eye raised, a look of disbelief on his face.

Cherri Bomb rushed into action, landing a sharp kick to Sir Stallionous’ back. The villain landed on the ground, then neighed threateningly.

“You bores have no class!” he exclaimed. “In war, the side remembered is the side with the most…style.” He straightened his black bowtie with a spring.

Cherri Bomb broke open an egg and smashed the robotic egg pony on the ground. Angel stood up, freeing himself from the chains.

“Or the side that ain’t dead,” she added.

“Speaking of style, is your hat like, alive or something’?

Sir Stallionous huffed. “Oh, well, that’s none of your goddamn business, now is it?”

Angel continued, “Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?”

He and Cherri burst into laughter. Even a pink “loser” sign pointed at the oblivious villain. “Ooooh,” said a minion near him. “One hellish burn.”

“I’m going to blow you to bits!” Sir Stallionous yelled, pointing at them with a dark hoof.

“Hmm! Kinky!” Angel teased.

An advertisement displaying a plate of, sausage, eggs and a tomato slice stood halfway buried in the ground. A glowing pink sign pointing down read “flank.” Another yellow sign read, “Clop here.”

“I’m not like that! Pervert!” yelled the villain. Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust held in laughter.

Angel suddenly pushed Cherri Bomb out of the way, as an egg pony shot tendrils of claws from behind them. The claws had eyes in the center and grabbed onto Angel’s four hooves. He struggled to free himself, the cords stretching.

Sir Stallionous chuckled. “Not so cocky now, are we?”

“Y’know, you really need to watch what’s coming out of your mouth,” Angel remarked. “Cocky…cumming, you get it?”

The villain didn’t respond.

Angel sighed. “I’ve been making these sex jokes the whole time!”

A drill poked out from the ground, Angel avoiding it. A minion held a drill in his small hooves at Angel. Two extra hooves popped out from Angel’s body, holding his rifle.

“And it’s obvious you ain’t catching on.”

He cocked his gun. “I mean, it’s just sad!”

He jumped into the air, freeing himself and firing the gun. The laser hit Sir Stallionous, and his gray top hat fell off.

Cherri Bomb popped up next to Angel. “So, think you’re gonna get into a lot of trouble for this?”

“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?” He shrugged and retracted his extra hooves. Sir Stallionus lay fuming on the ground.

More egg minions scrambled over to the edge of a high cliff, overlooking the scene. Egg shells, wires, and yok puddles littered the cracked street.

Cherri Bomb playfully elbowed Angel. “Glad ya haven’t changed. You know you’re my favorite guy to party with!”

“You know it, sugar bits,” Angel replied.

“You ready to finish this?” she asked. She rolled a bomb from one of her wings to her other wing and back into her mouth.

Angel cocked his gun again. “Born ready, baby!”

The duo charged at Sir Stallionous. Everyone yelled. More egg minions fell and Sir Stallionous realized he was running out fast.

 After several more minutes of battle, Sir Stallionus and his remaining minions retreated back to his ship. “This isn’t over, naysayers!” he declared at his enemies. “I’ll have my revenge!” The ship hatch closed. The egg minions steered the ship and it rose into the air, almost sending the overlord flying out of the craft. He tossed out more minions in response before taking the controls and flying the craft away.

Angel and Cherri Bomb bro-hoofed with their hooves.

“See you around,” she said.

“Until the next brawl,” said Angel.

Cherri Bomb waved goodbye and blasted music from an Eye Pod (a device made from an actual moving eye. “Hello, daddy. Hello mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Hello world! I’m your wild filly. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!” she sang out loud. Angel Dust laughed and continued on his way.

After buying some more amino and pot from the 666 Shop, Angel met with Charlie and Vaggie in a white carriage drawn by red bat ponies. A great day indeed for the promiscuous pony.

 The Trottin’ Hotel Interview

  Transcript during the 666 News:

“BREAKING NEWS: A LARGE SCALE TURF WAR IS UNDERWAY IN TARTARUS TOWN BETWEEN SIR STALLIONOUS AND CHERRI BOMB. THE SURROUNDING AREAS ARE COVERED IN DEBRIS, SO PLEASE AVOID DOWNTOWN ON YOUR COMMUTE TODAY. TRAFFIC IS “HELLA” BACKED UP. GET IT? “HELL” BUT WITH AN “A” AT THE END? THAT’S A WORD YOUNGER PEOPLE SEEM TO ENJOY USING. I DON’T REALLY LIKE IT, THOUGH. I WROTE IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE THE NATURAL KIND OF PUN TO MAKE FOR THIS SITUATION, BUT NOW THAT I SEE IT IN TEXT, I FEEL LIKE IT WAS A MISTAKE, A MISTAKE I CAN’T TAKE BACK…LIKE CHEATING ON MY WIFE. I’M SO SORRY, MARTHA. I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT, BUT YOU DID GAIN A LOT OF WEIGHT AFTER THE FILLY AND I REALLY NEEDED SOME SPACE. YOU KNOW, WHAT? NO, THAT WAS A GOOD CALL. I BUCKED THE CLEANING MARE, AND THAT WAS A PRETTY NICE TIME, EVEN THOUGH SHE LAUGHED AT ME WHEN I TOLD HER I COULDN’T GET OFF UNLESS SHE LICKED MY HOOF FIRST. I DON’T SEE HOW THAT’S A WEIRD REQUEST. MAYBE IF I’D JUST GET A HOOKER, SHE WOULD’VE BEEN MORE AGREEABLE. THE POINT IS, MY WIFE IS A FUCKING SNITCH. ONE TIME, WE WENT TO THE ZOO AND I GOT REALLY MAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE ORANGUTAN WAS MAKING FUN OF ME. HE KEPT DOING THAT STUPID DUCK LIP FACE? THEIR LIPS ALL PUCKERED? THEN IT STARTED SCREAMING, AND THAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. MY WIFE TOLD ME IT WAS JUST A MONKEY, AND TO “CALM DOWN.”

 A neon logo appeared on the screen, displaying “666 News” in a circle with a neon eye underneath. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

A skeletal mare with short blonde hair and a large toothy grin was wearing a pink dress and a pearl necklace. Sitting at the other chair, dressed in a blue business suit was a pony with a gray gas mask for his face along with short white hair. They were live on the air.

 “Good afternoon every pony!” said the mare. “I’m Katie Killjoy.”

“And I’m Tom Trench,” said the stallion. “Chaos at Tartarus Town today as a turf war is raging on the west side between notable king Sir Stallinous and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Cherri Bomb!”

Two pictures surrounded by flame borders showed Sir Stallionus wearing a yellow “music band” shirt, and wearing his top hat as a baseball cap with a dopey expression on his face. The other picture showed Cherri Bomb standing under glittering spotlights.

“That’s right Tom!” Katie added. “After the recent imprisoning, many areas are now up for grabs! Creatures all over Tartarus are already duking it out to gain new territory!”

The clips showed Sir Stallinous fighting Cherri Bomb with his egg minions. Hydras fought manticores, minotaurs, and ogres growled at each other.

“Those two seem to really be going at it, huh? Looks like they’re fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!” Katie popped a tooth and a nail into her mouth.

“And I’d sure like to nail her hot spot!” Tom Trench said with a chuckle.

Katie giggled forcefully. “You are a limp prick jackass, Tom. Or should I say…”

Adding insult and injury, she poured her hot coffee over his crotch…

“No wiener havor.”

“Augh! Not again!” he groaned.

Another picture surrounded by a border of flames displayed Charlie with the letters “Princess of Tartarus” next to it.

Katie continued. “Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Tartarus’ own head honcho, who’s here to discuss her brand new passion-project!”

Tom Trench winced in pain on the desk.

“All that and more after the break!”

She broke her mug in her hoof, and turned to Tom Trench. “Suck it up you little bi…”

The TV went off air, displaying Katie’s mouth, pointed ears and eyes, colored bars and “off air” with a pentagram in the “O”.

  Inside the break room, Vaggie adjusted Charlie’s black bowtie with her hoof. Nearby, a red tinted sign said that smoking was, indeed, allowed. Another sign read “on air,” in large letters. Vaggie was a light gray pony, who wore stripped leggings over her hooves, a white crop top on her front half and a pink x over her left eye. Her mane and tail was long and white, looking like the wings of a moth. Her cutie mark was two harpoons in a cross shape.

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Vaggie asked.

Charlie took a deep breath, enthusiasm in her voice. “Yes! Let’s do this!”

Vaggie put a comforting hoof on her shoulder. She signaled with her hoof for her to pay attention. “Just, look at me and I’ll mouth it to you.”

Charlie sighed. “Come on, Vaggie! I know what to say!”

She walked on all fours over to the pitcher of red punch. “I just feel like we need to…I don’t know, make things sound more exciting…”

She tossed a donut aside before gasping.

“Oh! What if I…”

“Sing a song about it?” Vaggie finished.

“You knew I was gonna say that.” She gently touched her friend’s nose with her own.

Vaggie adjusted Charlie’s bowtie again with her mouth. “Because I know you. But please don’t sing. This is serious.”

Charlie stomped her white hoof and briefly winked. “Well, you know, I’m better at expressing myself through song!” She stood on the table and arched her hoof dramatically. Down below, Charlie’s doll Pegasus ponies Razzle and Dazzle chewed on donuts.

“But life isn’t a musical, hon,” Vaggie reminded her.

“Fine,” Charlie said with a slump. Then she brightened again.

“But I do have these other ideas of what to say.”

She got off the table and, using her magic, pulled out a piece of paper, hopping excitedly. The paper hovered in the air by pink sparkly magic. “The highlighted bits are my favorite parts!”

Vaggie took the paper and scanned it in disbelief. “Uh, it’s all highlighted. Is this a drawing?”

“Yes!” Charlie answered. She pointed to her picture. It showed a list that read: “4, unicorn kisses,” “5, dolphin high-fives?” and “6, sing show tunes = happy ending!” She drew stick figures of ponies and monsters standing on clouds under a rainbow with a sun and red hearts with faces on them. A castle was also in the background.

“That’s the happy ending, see? Everyone’s smiling and happy in Canterlot and Ponyville!”

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Vaggie stated. She then begged her: “Just please follow the talking points we went over.”

She pulled Charlie close and stared her directly in the eyes. “And do. Not. Sing.”

Charlie sighed exasperatedly. “Fine.” Then she trotted over and spoke in an accent. “I’ll just have to resort to my impeccable improve skills.” She gave a salute, several moves of her head and went outside.

Vaggie somehow knew that this would not be going well.

Charlie walked over to Katie Killjoy, who posed in her red dress, smoking a cigarette.

“Hi! I’m Charlie Mane.”

She waved and held out her hoof.

“Katie Killjoy,” the mare deadpanned before blowing out smoke and snapping her cigarette. “I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but that would be a lie. You can put that away,” she regarded Charlie’s hoof. “I don’t touch the gays. I have standards.”

“Yeah?” Charlie asked nervously, looking at a big flashing sign that read “Tartarus’ #1 News!” “How’s uh…how’s that working for ya?”

“Look, my time is money, so I’ll keep this short,” Katie cut in. She invasively tapped Charlie’s chest and nose with her hoof. “We’re not here because we wanted you here. You’re here because Jeffry couldn’t make it for his cannibal cooking segment.”

Katie mentioned to a billboard that showed a tall stallion with glasses, short blonde hair with a white chef’s hat, a red apron, red suit, red horns, and a red devil’s tail. He held a platter of rotten hay and a horse head in his hands. Above it read “It’s Dahn Good! Cooking show: Guarantee Cannibalicious!” “Who approved this show?” was written on a sticky note tapped to the corner of the advertisement. Tom Trench shook his head in his seat.

Katie fluffed her blonde mane, swayed her flank, and continued: “You might be some royal bigshot, but that doesn’t mean spit to me. I’m too rich and too influential to give a flying buck about what some tux-wearing pony “princess” wants to advertise.”

“But I…” Charlie began.

“So don’t get cute with me, honey,” she warned, getting into Charlie’s face, “Or I will bucking bury you!”

“And we’re live!” said a voice.

Katie rushed back into her seat with a bony crack of her neck.

“Welcome back!”

Charlie sat in a chair next to her.

“So, Charlotte…”

“It’s Charlie,” she squeaked.

“Whatever,” Katie dismissed. She took a frustrated breath and clicked her red pen in her hoof. “Tell us about this new passion project you’ve been insistently pestering our news station about!”

“Well…” Charlie cleared her throat. She looked nervously at the monstrous crew in front of her. Vaggie encouraged her to go on.

Charlie took a deep breath.

“As most of you know, I was born here in Tartarus, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me.”

Katie clicked her pen impatiently. She spotted a green caterpillar and stabbed it with her pen with a predatory grin. Ink splattered on Charlie’s face and around the area.

Charlie continued, wiping off the dark pink ink from her face: “Tartarus is my home and you are my subjects. We…”

Vaggie waved with a smile.

“…we just went through another imprisoning. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my subjects being locked up every year. And no one is even given a chance!”

Charlie banged her hoof on the desk, waking Katie from a bored drooling daze.

Charlie made her way forward. “I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence and punishment! So, I’ve been thinking. Isn’t there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation and crime here in Tartarus? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through…redemption?”

Charlie pulled a buff red pony into a side hug. “Well, I think yes. So that’s what this project aims to achieve!” She ran back to the desk.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, I’m opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!”

 The audience stared in stunned silence.

 A bloodstained logo “Radio Hack” was displayed above a window which provided a stack of dozens of TVs inside.

In a bar, dark demon ponies wearing cowboy hats were playing pool, not even paying attention. The lead stallion wore a cloth over his grinning face and had a large barrel gun for an arm. His colt friend looked like a demonic bug, and another looked like a mustached villain from an old film. Meanwhile in a bar, purple and blue dragon-like ponies sat and drank while casually watching the TVs overhead.

Charlie stuttered, “Ya know…’Cause hotels are for every pony passing through…temporarily…”

A tattooed dark blue stallion demon stood up and let out a loud laugh.

“Is this filly for real? She thinks, you hear what she thinks? She…heh, heh, heh, oh she’s nuts.” The pony walked away with a small lavender creature and a tall maroon horse wearing punk rock clothing and crazy neon hair.

Charlie added, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place work toward redemption!”

She weakly added in a Fluttershy voice, “Yay.”

 One pony leaped away as a tall shadowy figure stood in the background…

The figure stood right next to a ratted flier which read “Beware him! Do not fuck with him!” “The Radio Pony” was scrawled in white on ponies screaming and fleeing from a monster with antlers overhead. A nearby flier read, “Discord vs the Radio Pony, tonight at 7!”

The stallion smiled and tilted his head a notch as he watched the TV with curiosity and amusement. His shadow pony next to him briefly morphed into a shadowy face with antlers on top. He spotted the fliers out of the corner of his red eyes, holding in a laugh.

“Who, me? ‘Obviously’ not! I’d never put on a show and make other ponies flee to their graves.”

Just the thought of it got him excited.

 He had heard of the pony princess before, but he wasn’t expecting her to appear on TV. He certainly never heard of an idea so crazy before. Getting ponies and creatures out of Tartarus and redeeming them was even less likely than making pigs fly (which was one magic trick he could do on occasion).

When Charlie started to sing, the red eyed pony couldn’t help but tap his cloven hooves and silently hum along.

 Befriending the princess, and doing something different seemed like a good idea. He glanced over at a faraway hotel building.

He knew where he would go next.

  Back at the news station, a camera pony with blue hair and a white face looked up and scoffed, “Stupid bitch.”

Vaggie punched him hard in the face in response, causing him to fall off the chair to the ground.

Charlie stared around her, concerned. “Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside. I know you do.”

A light bulb went off into her head. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you…”

Vaggie hoof palmed, knowing what was coming next. “Oh no…”

Charlie stomped her hoof and her bodyguard ponies appeared. One sat and began to play a grand piano.

 Summoning the Disney princess within her, Charlie belted out her song:

  “I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel

In Tartarus as well

It will all be well

Catering to a specific clientele”

 Razzle and Dazzle howled along…

The tempo rapidly picked up…

 “Inside of every pony is a rainbow

Inside every sinner is a citizen, bright and silly

Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac

Is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving colt or filly”

 “We can turn around

They’ll be Equestria-bound!

With just a little time

Down at the Trottin’ Hotel!”

 “So all you junkies, freaks and weirdos

Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes

And the fallen superheroes, help is here!

All of you cretins, sluts and losers

Sexual deviants and boozers

And prescription drug abusers

Need not fear

Forever again

We’ll cure your sin

We’ll make you well

You’ll feel so swell

In Tartarus here, at the Trottin’ Hotel!”

  “There’ll be no more cages

And no more evil schemes

Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams

And puffy-wuffy clouds

You’re gonna be like, wow!

Once you check in with me!”

 “So all your cartoon porn addictions

Vegan rants, psychic predictions

Ancient Roman crucifixions

End right here!”

 “All you monsters, thieves and bears

Cannibals and crying mares

Frothing mouthers full of scares

Fill with cheer!”

 “You’ll be complete!

It’ll be so neat!

Our service can’t be beat!

You’ll be on easy street! (Yes!)

Life will be sweet at the Trottin’ Hotel!

Yeah!”

  Throughout the song, Charlie imagined giving a shiny cupcake to a masked killer, holding cotton candy and a brown puppy in her hooves in the clouds…avoiding the attacks of every horror movie serial killer… (Music Logic)

She pictured throwing drugs into a bin of fire, giving shots to monsters, giving money to charity, disturbing porn additions with a bra…

Snatching a “My waifu” porn mag of out a stallion’s hooves…

Knocking over crosses…

Avoiding a scary spider pony with yellow bat wings and pink eyes all over his body…

Giving ponies big hugs…

 Charlie emerging in her horned demon form from a flaming pentagram, her horn lighting up in pink, and jumping with joy in a land full of candy, rainbows, and ice cream.

  Charlie finished with a pose on the table, front hooves in the air and panted.

The top hat pony smiled. “Wow! That was…shit!”

 The crowd burst into rancorous laughter and boos, including a blue pony made of fire in the boo section. Katie shrieked and banged her hoof on the table.

“What in the River Styx makes you think a single denizen of Tartarus would give two shits about becoming a better denizen? You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want ponies and monsters to be good just…because?”

Charlie lifted up her head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause, and he’s shown incredible progress!”

“Oh?” Katie asked, leaning in, “…and who might that be?”

“Oh just someone named…Angel Dust.”

“The porn star?” asked Tom Trench in disbelief. He subconsciously unzipped his zipper and Katie whirled on him; “You fucking would, Tom!” Her hooves left dent son the desk.

Katie turned back to Charlie. “In any case, that’s not even an accomplishment. I’m sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube.”

Someone wolf-whistled in the audience.

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Charlie argued, holding up her hoof. “He’s been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two weeks now.”

 “Breaking news!” announced a voice as music came on. Excited, Katie pushed Charlie aside. “We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let’s go to the live feed!”

To Charlie’s sheer horror, Angel Dust was seen on screen, crushing egg shells and fighting with Cherri Bomb.

“Oh spit,” she breathed.

“Oh spit indeed!” exclaimed Katie with a grin. “It looks like the one who has just joined the battle is none other than…”

She let out a dramatic gasp…”porn actor Angel Dust! What a juicy coincidence!”

The screen showed Angel Dust with the words “Angel Dust in ‘Well, Ok’: 18+.”

Satisfied, she turned back to Charlie. “You must feel really stupid right now.” Katie and Tom laughed again.

“Ratings!” Katie and Tom added with jazz hooves.

“Don’t look at this!” Charlie called, waving her hooves in vain from behind the screen.

“Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival. Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?”

 Failure. Failure…Charlie could see her doubt reflected in Katie’s pink eyes and overbearing shadowy figure. Katie and everyone laughed and neighed some more, their jeers painful to Charlie’s ears.

“Yeah?” Charlie asked. She snatched up Katie’s red pen with her horn. The pen hovered in the air with pink magic surrounding it. “Well, how does it feel that I got your pen, huh? Snitch!”

Katie glared dangerously. Charlie dropped the pen with a nervous smile, “Oops.”

Katie grew taller, her form turning to shadow. Out sprouted claws, four extra sharp appendages, and four red eyes on her face like a spider. She launched herself at Charlie, hooves raised. Charlie pulled her hair with her mouth and landed punches as the alarm went off in the news room. Katie crawled on the desk on all fours, baring her fangs before Charlie jumped at her and knocked her off the table. Tom Trench got so distressed that his entire body burst into flames.

Charlie ran out of the news room, Katie following her close behind, as everyone yelled.

“And stay out, you retarded spike!” Katie cussed as Charlie made a run for it down the sidewalk on all fours. Charlie was tempted to strangle the homophobic, news diva with her bare hooves…but that would only contradict her goal…if she even had one anymore.

 Vaggie followed her and the two of them didn’t say a word as they waited for their ride. Soon enough, a carriage drawn by red bat horses rolled to the curb. Vaggie and Charlie hopped in…and so did an ecstatic Angel Dust. The doors closed and they drove off toward the Trottin’ Hotel.

 Car Ride to the Hotel

 Charlie had never felt so humiliated in her life. She sat in her seat and curled into herself. Once again, her ideas were dismissed, mocked, ridiculed. No one was willing to see the good in themselves. The ponies and creatures were content to wallow in suffering, violence, and cruelty until the end of their lives. They would be locked up forever, unable to enjoy life on the surface. They’d never know what friendship was. Tears were already threatening to spill from her yellow eyes, but she held them in.

Maybe her father was right. What if she really was a failure, like every pony said?

As if reading her mind, Vaggie gave her a small hug next to her. “You’re not a failure, Charlie. It’s just…no one understands your ideas. The denizens think they’re…I don’t know…outlandish?”

She got a sad sigh from Charlie in response. “I just wanted to make things better for my kingdom. I know I don’t feel much like a princess, but at the same time…I feel like it’s my duty…my destiny to being some cheer to this place.”

“Heh. No one can ever top your optimism,” Vaggie mentioned, with a playful roll of her eyes. “Your happiness can be spotted miles away.”

A small smile formed on Charlie’s face. “Well, at least I can pull myself up and keep going…”

Vaggie stared, hopeful…

“…But today isn’t one of those days.”

Vaggie slumped slightly. “I did warn you not to sing.”

“I couldn’t help it,” she countered. “How else was I supposed to get my message across?”

“Not everyone likes singing and music all the time.”

“My family does.”

“But the other ponies and creatures aren’t your family.”

 Charlie stared out the window at the buildings whizzing by. “Sometimes I feel like my family is bigger than just my parents.” She turned to look at her girlfriend. “You’re my best friend, sorta like my older sister…and the only one who seems to get me. You’re part of my family already.”

Vaggie chuckled softly. “Without me, you wouldn’t have lasted very long out in the big world.”

“For once, I agree with you there,” Charlie replied. “I sure would love to meet Princess Twilight and Princess Celestia and so many others…”

During several minutes of silence, the two mares locked hooves just out of sight. It was their habitual way of showing comfort, and it worked on the many days when Vaggie didn’t want any hugs. The carriage bumped over potholes along the road.

“Don’t get too discouraged,” Vaggie said. “We’ll get back to the hotel and figure things out from there.”

“I kinda feel like singing another lament now.”

“Please don’t.”

“Fine.”

  The carriage wobbled past the 666 Shop, Cozy Glow Fashion Show, the Nightmare Night Club (featuring Nightmare Moon eating other ponies who don’t worship her) the Changling Cave (Chrysalis’ makeover, hand over your soul and turn into one of us. Free green cocoons for customers!)  and Tirek’s Donuts store, complete with slime and worms displayed on the donut structure. Pink eyes decorated the ceiling of the carriage’s interior. Charlie curled into herself again, and took a breath. Even the painted eyes on the small cloth ceiling seemed to judge her every move. She glanced over at Vaggie, whose eye was twitching in annoyance.

Angel Dust was busy blowing raspberries out the window. He froze when he saw an angry Vaggie staring at him.

“What?” he asked with a shrug.

“What? What?!” Vaggie shouted, pulling out chunks of her long white hair with her hooves. “What were you doing?!”

Angel sighed. “I owed my filly buddy a solid! Isn’t that a “redeeming quality?” Helping friends with stuff?”

“Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!”

“Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred,” he said with a snicker. “It wasn’t that bad anyway.”

He blew raspberries again. Vaggie threw a dagger that nestled in the side of the wall. Angel stared, shocked and terrified. Vaggie growled in warning.

“Aw come on, I had to!” Angel protested. “My credibility was on the line!” He sighed. “I mean what kind of reputation would I have if every pony found out I was trying to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona.” He lifted up his furry chest.

“Your credibility?” Vaggie asked in anger. “What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a bucking joke!”

“No, no no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look…uh, sad. And pathetic! Uh…oh with progeria!” Charlie covered her face with her mane as Angel blabbered on.

“Great! Now I’m bummed thinking about it! This thing have any liquor?” He bent down to the floor and tossed a bottle aside. He then flicked a wrapper away onto a wooden seat.

Vaggie was fuming. “Can you please just try to take this seriously?”

“Fine, I’ll try. Just don’t get your taco in a twist, baby.”

“Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?”

“Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Vaggie swore, flicking her tail and sitting back down.

“Too, late, toots.”

He laughed again. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me, bitch. Get used to it.”

Vaggie swore in Spanish.

“Listen, who cares if some jagoffs got hurt?” Angel nonchalantly asked. “Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around! Got a bunch of buckin’ harlequin babies down there.”

“You’re one to talk,” Vaggie muttered.

Angel laughed then yelled “Hey!” in protest. “This body is flawless! Everyone wants some of me and I’ve got the creepy fan letters to prove it!”

He pulled out a dirty scroll from his enlarged furry chest that read: “Show me your hooves! Bryrin. #1 fan/critic.” There was a picture of a young angel in the lap of a large gray Stallion, licking Angel with his green tongue. He had a tattoo of Angel with a red crossed out sign.

This time, Charlie spoke up. “That was really uncool, y’know, Angel.”

Vaggie growled and turned to her friend. “Uncool?!” She mentioned to Angel. “After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel. All thanks to you and your selfish horsespit!”

Angel glanced at a discarded pile of ash and used cigarettes. “Does this mean I don’t get a free room anymore?”

Vaggie spread out her hooves as if asking “Well, what do you think?”

He let out a mock sigh. “Ah, well, shucks.”

Charlie pulled off her dark pink shirt, revealing a white shirt with a black bowtie.

“Hey, come on, we don’t know if things are over yet. Try to relax, Vaggie. It’ll be okay!”

Now it was Vaggie’s turn to let out a small smile of thanks. Charlie placed a comforting hoof on her shoulder, and her friend calmed down.

“What would I do without you?” Vaggie asked. She and Charlie slowly leaned into each other, their heads gently touching.

“Get a room, fillies!” Angel remarked, before receiving a “Shut up!” from both of them.

 Finally, the deviant crew arrived at the Trottin’ Hotel. It was an elegant building fit for any pony who wanted to stay a few nights. Eye designs lined the border of a dark pink canopy at the front like a creepy mosaic. Branches jutted out from the roof as part of the structure. Old fashioned lanterns attached to the wall had flames flickering inside, nonstop. The double doors consisted of stained glass windows with red apples in the center. Little stained glass snake eyes peered unblinkingly at them from around the larger window in the door.

 Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie got out of the carriage and threw open the double doors. A random black bug scurried away from the incoming light. A yellow sign read “Concierge” behind a pink “welcome” banner. The check in table was decorated with colored flags leaning toward the floor and random balloons with small star shapes on them. A vase was decorated with yellow eyes along the sides. Another flower pot was in the shape of a horse mouth…white flowers posed above. Vaggie sighed and plopped onto a red cushioned couch in the style of a monster’s mouth.

The red rug down the hallway was decorated with the same eyeball designs, apples on the end, plus shadow skulls of horned monsters in the center.

All around the room, were pictures of Charlie as a little filly with her father and mother on various trips.

 Angel Dust came across a red fridge leaning low against the wall. He opened the door and pulled out a purple box labeled “Popsies.” He shrugged at the dripping ruined box and took out a popsicle. He gave it a lick, talking with his mouth full.

“It’s prolly a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y’know, to feed all the wayward prisoners ya got in here.” He laughed nervously, trying to cheer Charlie up. But Charlie just sat sadly on a wooden box in a darkened area of the room. Angel closed the fridge door, sucked on a popsicle and reached out one of his hooves to her…then hesitated. He walked away, letting her have some alone time.

Charlie walked past the two posing elephant statues balancing balls on their trunks, and toward the front door. She opened the door and went outside. She conjured up an old phone and dialed her mom’s number.

Charlie took a deep breath as a voicemail tone came through.

“Hey Mom. Um, I know I keep calling, and you must be busy. Really busy. But, um…the interview didn’t go well and…I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference. I don’t know what I’m doing. I could really use some advice, Mom.”

She slid down and sat on the stone ground, tears falling from her eyes. “I think Dad was right about me. A-anyway, I’ll stop talking before this gets long. Love you! Bye.”

She ended the call with a tap and rubbed her eyes with her hoof. Standing back up on all fours, she opened the door, closed it, and leaned against the stained glass window, eyes closed.

      Enter Alastor (and Sir Stallionus)

 A slow ominous knocking from outside interrupted Charlie’s thoughts. She opened her eyes. It was a rhythmic knock, sounding like “shave and a haircut.” (Or was it “skunks in a barnyard”, or “dragons in a cauldron?” She wasn’t sure.

   From outside, Gabriel C. Brown’s voice sang a haunting song out of nowhere as jazz music played:

 “I’m not a fan of puppeteers but I have a nagging fear

Someone else is pulling at the strings

Something terrible is going down

Through the entire town

Wreaking anarchy and all it brings…”

    An ice cold feeling of dread spread through her veins. No pony else would ever do that kind of knock.

 “I can’t sit idly, No I can’t move at all…”

 Unless…

 “I curse the name, the one behind it all…”

 She tentatively reached out her hoof to the door handle, and quickly pulled it open.

 Sure enough, the most feared pony in Tartarus was standing right outside her door.

He wore dark red dress pants, a red dress shirt along with a dark red pinstriped coat underneath. His shoes were black with red hoof prints on the sides. The two black lines in the center of his dress shirt looked like an upside down cross.

His coat was gray and his large eyes were red. He had a gray unicorn horn in between dark black antlers from his head. His mane and tail were black and red. A monocle attached to a chain was positioned under his right eye. His cutie mark was a microphone bearing a grin of sharp teeth. But his own grin of sharp yellow teeth was the most fearsome of all.

A vintage microphone staff appeared next to him in red aura, his horn glowing red.

 Charlie’s face morphed into sheer terror, eyes wide as saucers.

 “Alastor! You’re broadcasting on the air…”

 Eyes glowing red, the stallion began to speak.

“Hell…”

She slammed the door in his face.

Opened the door…

“…o.”

Slammed it again.

 “…and stealing all the souls, magic mayhem everywhere…”

 Alastor stood, shocked in front of the stained glass door, smile still plastered on his face, hoof in the air.

 “Well… that was…rude,” he thought. “Usually ponies and creatures are too sacred to answer when I come by. Or they rush to try and please me because they know I could slaughter them at any time. I’ll just wait here then…or maybe break this door down…”

  “I’m fine with the smiles and the dancing around

But not with being bound

Now that Hell is being torn apart

A terrifying world of stress

Caused by your demonic mess

As you sing we’re never fully dressed!”

 “Hey, Vaggie?” Charlie called.

“What?” Vaggie replied in annoyance.

Charlie flashed a nervous smile. “The Radio Pony is at the door!”

“What?!” she demanded.

“Uh, who?” Angel asked. He sucked erotically on his popsicle.

“What should I do?” she asked, pulling at her lower eyelids.

“Well, don’t let him in!” said Vaggie.

 The strange singing continued.

“Alastor! Whatever did we do

To make you take our world away?”

Alastor! Are we your prey alone?

Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?

Alastor! We won’t take it anymore

So take your tyranny away!”

 Charlie was tempted to do just that. But she also had a duty to not leave any sinners behind. She took a breath and opened the door again.

“May I speak now?” the stallion asked. The song appeared to be coming from his microphone staff.

“You may…” Charlie replied.

  The man held out his gray hoof. “Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart, quite a pleasure.”

He eagerly grabbed her white hoof and leaned his face close to hers before strutting inside. Charlie stood, dumbfounded, her hoof still out. The music stopped playing.

“Excuse my sudden visit,” he went on, “but I saw your fiasco on a picture show and I just couldn’t resist. What a performance! Why I haven’t been that entertained since the Siren sisters sang their songs of doom!”

He bobbed his head side to side and burst into laughter. “So many arguments!”

Vaggie suddenly pointed a spear weapon at him. “Stop right there!” She swore in Spanish under her breath. (Son of a deranged mare!) I know your game. And I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you pompous, cheesy, talk show spitlord!”

Angel peeked around the corner to see what was going on.

Alastor merely laughed slightly and nudged the weapon away with his fingers.

“Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here…”

He added in a low creepy tone, “I would have done so already.”

His large red eyes briefly turned to red radio dials and radio static filled the room. He tilted his head slightly, letting his chaotic magic roam. Red electricity traveled around his horn. Vaggie and Charlie were frozen in fear as they caught glimpses of red Voodoo symbols, static, and warped reality.

Then just as quickly, the noise and magic ceased and Alastor shook his head, eyes back to full red.

“No, I’m here because I want to help!” He bowed.

Charlie was sure she hadn’t heard him right.

“Say what now?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

“Help!” he responded with another laugh. His staff hovered in the air by his magic. “Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing…”

He tapped it and a glowing red eye appeared in the center. “Well, I heard you loud and clear!” the microphone responded, eye shaking in fear.

“Um…you want to help?” Charlie asked.

 Alastor appeared behind the mares, hooves on their backs, switching from a shadow to his regular self. Both Vaggie and Charlie flinched.

“With…” he mentioned in an imitation of Charlie’s voice,

“…this ridiculous thing you’re trying to do!” finishing in his normal voice. “This hotel!”

Charlie could hear the call bell ding twice on the table, even though no one was there to ring it.

“I want to help you run it.”

“Uh…why?” Charlie asked, confused.

Alastor laughed again. “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer absolute boredom! I’ve lacked inspiration for decades!”

He placed his hoof on an annoyed Vaggie’s head. Then he shoved her aside.

“My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I’ve come to crave a new form of entertainment!”

He laughed again.

Charlie looked downcast. “Does getting into a fight with a reporter count as entertainment?”

“It’s the purest kind, my dear! Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage! And the stage is a world of entertainment!”

Charlie brightened a bit. “So, does this mean that you think it’s possible to rehabilitate a pony or a creature?”

Alastor help up a hoof and laughed. “Of course not. That’s wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh it’s non-existent! Nononono, I don’t think there’s anything left that could save such loathsome monsters! The chance given was the life they lived before in Equestria; the punishment is this!” He spread out his hooves. “There is no undoing what is done!”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t believe in my cause?” Charlie asked.

Alastor smirked and looked at Charlie, sideways. “Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!” He pulled her close to him with his hoof and twirled her around in a quick dance. “I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure.”

“Right…” Charlie began, slowly removing his hoof from her back.

Alastor took her aside for a walk. “Yes indeedy! I see big things coming your way, and who better to help than I.”

 “Ah, so uh, what’s the deal with Smiles over there?” Angel asked Vaggie.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him before?” Vaggie asked. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Angel shrugged.

“The Radio Pony, one of the most powerful beings Tartarus has ever seen?”

“Eh, not big on politics,” he replied.

Vaggie, annoyed, leaned in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Tartarus, seemingly overnight. He began to topple overlords, dragons, centaurs, and other creatures who had been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power has never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Tartarus, just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him The Radio Pony. (As lazy as that is). Not even Discord himself could imagine how chaotic Alastor could be. Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing’s for sure: He’s an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can’t risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased.”

“Ya done?” Angel asked with a snicker. “He looks like a strawberry pimp!”

“Well, I don’t trust him!” Vaggie argued.

To be fair, do you trust any Stallions? Colts? Any pony who’s male?” Angel asked with a slight laugh.

Vaggie ignored him and walked up to her friend.

“Charlie, listen to me. You just can’t believe this creep! He isn’t just a happy face! He’s a dealmaker, pure evil! He can’t be redeemed! And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we’re trying to do.”

“I…” Charlie began. “…we don’t know that. Look…I know he’s bad, and I know he probably doesn’t wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give every pony a chance! To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can’t. It goes against everything I’m trying to do. Everything I believe in.”

Alastor stared in fascination at a family picture on the wall. It showed a white alicorn pony Lucifer dressed in white, a mare, Lilith in a dark purple dress, and Charlie as a little filly wearing a brown and white dress in the middle. The picture border consisted of branches and yellow eyeballs and a dried rose in the upper right hand corner.

 “Such a lovely portrait! A picture of perfection! It’d be such a shame if something awful were to happen to them…”

 “Just trust me,” Charlie added placing a comforting hoof on her girlfriend’s back. “I can take care of myself.”

Charlie,” warned Vaggie, “Whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!”

From a distance, Alastor held out his hoof, glowing in red magic. Both girls glanced in his direction, worry on their faces.

 “I’ll have these two in the palm of my hooves…”

 “Don’t worry, Charlie replied to Vaggie. “I picked up one thing from my Dad…” she spoke in a manly voice, “Ya don’t take shit from other ponies!”

Gathering her courage, Charlie marched over to the Radio Pony.

“Ok, so…Al. You’re sketchy as fuck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a joke. But I don’t.”

Red Voodoo symbols appeared around Alastor, then vanished.

Charlie continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or voodoo strings attached.”

Alastor twirled his cane with his magic and held out his hoof. “So it’s a deal then?”

Flashes of eerie green light surrounded him, electricity snaking up the walls.

“Nope!” Charlie yelled, stepping back. The energy stopped. “No shaking! No deals! I…hmm…”

Charlie decided to try another approach.

“As princess of Tartarus, and heir to the throne, I uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel, for a long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?” she asked.

“Fair enough. Cool beans.” Alastor shrugged, walking on and making his cane disappear. Charlie breathed a sigh of relief.

Alastor stopped and spotted Vaggie off to the side. He smirked in a way outside observers would describe as lecherous. He tickled her under her chin with his hoof.

“Smile, my dear! You know you’re never fully dressed without one!”

Alastor hummed happily on his way, while Vaggie growled in disgust and rage.

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Alastor asked.

“Uh, well…” Charlie began. Alastor peered at Vaggie through his monocle. “Oh ho ho ho, you’re going to need more than that.”

He walked over towards Angel.

“And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?”

Angel grinned. “I can suck your dick!”

“Ha! No.” Alastor deadpanned.

“Your loss,” Angel said with a slight laugh. Alastor summoned his cane.

“Well, this just won’t do!” Alastor exclaimed. “I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up!”

 The spell came easily in his mind: “dife sèvitè, reveye.”

  He stomped his hoof and his horn glowed red. A fire sparked to life in a small circular fireplace. Horse skeletons decorated either side of the wall.

A dark figure plopped down onto the chimney floor.

Alastor walked over and lifted up the creature in a cloud of red magic. A large single yellow eye was revealed. Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie peered at the creature. In a puff of smoke and a squeak, the creature revealed herself. A cute cyclops filly was wearing a pink dress with a poodle on the front, her short wide hair dark magenta with a streak of yellow. Her coat was light yellow and she even had little Pegasus wings at her sides.

“This little darling is Niffty!” Alastor introduced, before dropping her. She landed on her hooves.

“Hi! I’m Niffty!” she greeted with a wave. “It’s nice to meet you! It’s been a while since I’ve made new friends!” She laughed slightly and her pupil grew smaller, darting in circles.

“Why are you all women?” she asked. “Have any men here?! I’m sorry, that’s rude.” She missed the fact that Angel was male, for obvious reasons.

She briefly picked up Charlie, while Vaggie held her spear defensively at her.

“Oh man, this place is filthy!” she exclaimed, flying around and lifting up couch cushions. “It really needs a lady’s touch, which is weird, because you’re all ladies, no offence.” She chewed on a black spider she found, then rushed toward some stained glass windows.

She flew around, using a dust ruffle to clean them. “Oh my Celestia, this is awful! No, no, no…Nope!”

She raced around, removing cobwebs, then poking at a piece of a voodoo doll. Well, it was actually a live blue beetle doll that Alastor had stabbed with a clothing pin for Niffty to play with. Alastor looked amused, while the others stared in disbelief.

  Meanwhile, at a casino, a pony placed a joker, an ace, a 2, and a fourth card down on the table. He had a black and white coat, wore a black top hat and had red wings with card suits decorated on them. He also had long red eyebrows and wore a red bow tie.

“Ha!” he declared in triumph. “Read ‘em and weep, colts!”

He suddenly felt himself being forcefully pulled out of the room through space and time.

“Full…whoa!”

 “Transpòte ganbadeur la.”

 He ducked as a curtain of red energy surrounded the existing space. Voodoo symbols flashed in the background along with eight yellow eyes, a creepy voodoo skull and a purple skeleton of a worm-like creature. Another voodoo skull with horns appeared for a moment not too far from tan ghost-like spirits with creepy faces and a row of jagged teeth.

 The pony figured he must have had too much booze to drink.

 “What the hay?!”

As the images faded, he soon found himself at the hotel bar, not in the previous room at the casino. A large “Come and play Blackjack” sign took up much of the wall behind him. Most peculiar, the gray wood walls were missing halfway up, replaced by the red themed décor of the hotel. Husk was sitting in a portion of the casino he was in. It felt like he was in a house with no roof surrounded by the outside world.

 “What the buck is this?”

He saw Alastor and pointed an accusing hoof.

“You.”

“Ah, Husker, my good friend!” Alastor cheerfully greeted. “Glad you could make it!”

Alastor’s head briefly had the appearance of large antlers sticking out from either side. When he moved it, it was revealed to be an antler skull with glowing green eyes hanging in the background. Snakes were wrapped around one of the white curtains supporting a bar stand. “Big Booze,” “Welcome” and “Big Soul” signs were placed overhead on the stand. Neon green card suits consisted of the designs at the bottom of the stand.

“Don’t you “Husker” me, you son of a bitch!” Husk spat, and swiped Alastor’s hoof aside from his shoulder. “I was about to win the whole damn pot!”

Husk stared in anger as the stacks of money and chips on the table vanished in static.

“Good to see you too!” added Alastor.

Husk hoof palmed. “What the hay do you want with me this time?”

Alastor grabbed hold of him, startling him so much that cards fell from his hands.

“My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that’s okay.”

Husk was taken aback. “Are you spittin’ me?!”

“No, I don’t think so,” Alastor replied. He casually brushed off his sleeves.

Husk shoved the Radio Pony off him. “You thought it would be some kind of big buckin’ riot just to pull me outta nowhere? You think I’m some kinda buckin’ clown?”

“Maybe.”

Audience laughter emitted from the microphone.

“I ain’t doin’ no buckin’ charity job,” Husk protested.

Alastor appeared next to him. “Well I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment.”

He pointed toward the bar stand with the staff. The sound of audience clapping came from his radio staff.

“With your charming smile and welcoming energy…”

Alastor spread the corners of Husk’s mouth upward into a demonic smile of yellow teeth with his hooves. Husk frowned seconds after he let go.

“…this job was made for you!”

Alastor strutted over toward the bar stand, the soles of his shoes revealing red hoof prints as he walked.

“Don’t worry, my friend,” Alastor continued, “I can make this more welcoming…if you wish.”

His horn glowed red and a green mug of cheap cider appeared on the counter.

Husk stared with wide eyes, suddenly very thirsty. He swore he could hear the sound of a slot machine.

“What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap cider?!” He took the mug in anger. “Well you can!”

He immediately guzzled it down and clopped away.

 “Too easy,” thought Alastor.

 By this time, Charlie, Vaggie and Angel Dust had arrived to see what the commotion was about. Vaggie rushed toward the bar, furious.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” yelled the mare. “No, no bar, no alcohol. This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of…mouth, brothel, colt-cave…”

Angel lunged himself into her, knocking her to the floor.

“Shut up! Shut! Up! We are keeping this.” He pointed at Husk with multiple gloved hooves.

He slid up to Husk. “Hey,” he said in a flirtatious voice.

“Go buck yourself,” Husk deadpanned, drinking his cider.

“Only if you watch me,” Angel retorted.

To make matters worse for Husk, Charlie leaned in close to him, excitement and red stars in her eyes.

“Oh my Celestia! Welcome to the Trottin’ Hotel! You are going to love it here!”

“I lost the ability to love years ago,” Husk replied, gulping down more cider.

Alastor walked in, an ever-present grin on his face.

“So, what do you think?”

Charlie ran over to him. “This is amazing!” she beamed.

“It’s okay,” Vaggie said from nearby.

 Alastor laughed and pulled the two mares close to him. “This is going to be very entertaining!”

  Alastor conjured fire in his hoof…Charlie stared in wonder at the flames and the voodoo symbols. He pushed Vaggie aside and changed his attire. He now wore a fancy red suit with a white undershirt and a black bow tie. A red top hat appeared on his head, complete with small spikes along the black band and two needles sticking out from the top. He twirled Charlie around in a dance, the princess looking stunned. Pointing his hoof over her head, he transformed Charlie’s outfit. Her blonde hair was now short and wavy. She wore an elegant black and red dress, black gloves, a pink hat with a small black bow and black heels.

 Charlie stared at her conjured clothing in amazement.

Vaggie was on the floor, fuming.

Alastor lifted Charlie up with red magic and threw her into the air. She yelped in delight and landed gracefully next to him. Two glowing apples and a skull with deer horns flashed in the background.

Reality had been altered to the Radio Pony’s liking. The entire room was lit in psychedelic colors. Voodoo symbols and shapes were etched in every nook and cranny, including a pair of pink claws reaching for the door. Alastor and Charlie waltzed in the spotlight as electro swing music began to play in the distance. The all-encompassing noise, though, was the signature radio-static sound.

 Alastor sang his reprise to Charlie:

“You have a dream

You wish to say

And it’s so laughable

But hey kid, what the hay! “

 Charlie found herself sliding down one of the apple-etched railings, Alastor leading the way. They landed on the lower floor as Alastor continued his reprise.

Deer statues and painted antlers were everywhere.

Back at the bar stand, Husk sat looking bored. Vaggie hissed at Angel grabbing onto her, while Niffty stared in wonder. Alastor’s horn sparked and their outfits changed as well.

Angel was wearing a neon pink suit, Husk a pink bow tie, Vaggie a dark dress, with her mane now smooth and long, and finally Niffty, with a cute top hat with small flowers.

 “‘Cause you’re one of a kind

A charming pony belle!

Now let’s give these burning fools a place to dwell

(Take it, colts!)”

   Shadowy ponies rose to life from a hole in the ground. The happy spirits played a trumpet, a tuba, and a drum set. Charlie stomped her hooves to the beat, while Vaggie watched with worry. She reached out to her friend but was pulled away by Alastor. He enveloped the group into a tight hug, followed by glowing images of dark spirits staring at them. Niffty watched in amazement, but not the other three.

Alastor pulled Husk and Angel close again. He rubbed Angel’s head with a white hat and went on his merry way. Husk mouthed “buck you.”

Vaggie stood, annoyed in the spotlight. Using his cane, Alastor added a feathered peacock hat and a white fox fur to her outfit. Then out of nowhere, he slapped her flank.

“Pompous pervert!” Vaggie thought in rage as he wondered away.

Alastor danced some more, kicking a horned skull to the side. In the background, Niffy happily swept up the bits of bone.

 “Inside of every pony is a lost cause

But we’ll dress ‘em up now with just a smile!

(With a smile!)

And we’ll chlorinate this cesspool

With some old redemption flair

And show these simpletons some proper class and style!

(What’s in style? Oh!)”

 He made his way to the circular fireplace, where he waved his staff. Shadows arrived to join the party, including a shadowy version of himself, with large antlers, a mane of hair, and fangs. He made it disappear in a poof, then snuck toward Charlie. He led her in an upbeat dance, spinning her around, helping her match her steps to his. Charlie blushed when he toyed with her cheeks. As Charlie was led away, Vaggie stood in the background, horrified and disgusted. What was happening to her friend?

Charlie and Alastor laughed as they danced, the princess locked in a happy trance.

 “Here below the ground

I’m sure you’re plan is sound!

They’ll spend a little time

Down at this Rottin’ Ho…”

  Alastor was about to finish his song, when an explosion burst apart a window behind him.

  Niffty stared in amazement, shouting “Whoo!” before she was blasted backwards, the door hitting her in the face.

 Alastor’s spell soon wore off and everyone was back in their regular clothes. Alastor, Husk (still drinking), Niffty, Charlie, Angel, and Vaggie, peered out of the hole to see what was going on. Vaggie had her weapon at the ready.

 Looking skyward, the group saw a cracked blimp in the air. It had a small random band aid with a sad face on it along the rim. A familiar villain popped out of his hideout.

“Ha!” Sir Stallionous laughed. “Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet again, Alastor!”

Apparently, he was also rivals with Alastor.

But Alastor simply asked, “Do I know you?”

The pony boss looked disappointed. Then he said in anger, “Oh yes you do! And this time, I have the element of…surprise!”

The villain raced toward his pink velvet chair and pulled a lever. A metallic cannon lowered to the ground. The cannon fired up with pink energy as pink smoke appeared around them.

“He laughed manically. “I’m so evil!”

Then he added, “I have an Egg army!”

 “Well, we have an Alastor,” Charlie responded.

 Alastor’s horn shot out red light and bursts of magic red tendrils of smoke rising from his horn. The weapon froze in mid fire and a fiery portal opened up below the blimp.

 A horde of black tendrils rose from the hole, latching onto the ship. One tentacle ripped off the cannon and threw it into another smaller portal, causing it to explode in pink smoke. One of the tentacles had already smashed a hole in the large round window.

Sir Stallionous looked on in shock as his Egg Colts slammed against the wall (one of them read #Ouch.) One of the eggs cracked open, spilling out yellowish brains and small organs among the stains of yok. Sir Stallionous and another minion were thrown against the wall.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he screamed before he was slammed against the ceiling by a black limb.

“Oh, that hurt!” he cried.

Sir Stallionous screamed as he was dragged along the floor and lifted up slightly. He was held in place, surrounded by the wrapped up tendril. At once, the tendril shrunk and squeezed the helpless snake. The Egg Colts galloped around screaming as black cracks appeared on the floor and walls.

From the outside, more black tendrils were closing in. Red voodoo symbols appeared around the blimp.

 “Ede m 'sèrviteur.”

Four horned shadowy ponies with red auras floated around, wearing toothy grins.

 The tendrils were now wrapped around the entire blimp, holding it in place like thick black vines.

 Red radio waves filled Alastor’s eyes as more magic shot from his horn. Voodoo symbols appeared all around him as he altered the state of reality. Radio static consumed the air.

The vines thickened and completely enclosed the blimp. The spirits swooped around it in excitement, with echoing shrieks. The aura around the tendrils glowed a fiery yellow, the same color as the portal rim.

 “Kalfu! Destriksyon pa bra nwa.”

 The tendrils proceeded to crush the blimp. Pink rays of light shot from the center and the blimp exploded in a loud BOOM!

Pink smoke spread everywhere as the spirits sped away. The tendrils broke into severed bloody pieces that rained down to the ground. Alastor smiled victoriously, while behind them, the group of five stared in utter terror and shock. (Save for Niffty who had a small smile on her face).

 “Well, I’m starved!” Alastor exclaimed, turning around to face the group. Who wants some jambalaya?” He spread his hooves out. “My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya! In fact, it nearly killed her! Straight from New Horseleans!”

He laughed as he led the way back to the hotel. The others followed.

“You could say the kick was right out of Tartarus!”

He added while laughing at his own joke, “Oh, I’m on a roll!”

Charlie and Niffty smiled while Husk, Angel, and Vaggie looked on with concern. Angel blew Husk a kiss, which earned the druggie demon a glare from the gambler. Charlie turned to Vaggie excitedly. Vaggie reluctantly went along with Charlie’s idea, even giving her a small supporting smile. As long as Charlie was happy, then she was alright, too.

From up above, the hotel looked like a mashed-up haunted house. An old dark train was perched on a balcony, with some monstrous faces carved in. A ship, reminiscent of the Titanic, was leaning upwards against the building as part of the structure. An old carousel served as part of the upper balcony and windows. Skull designs decorated the small windows in a row. Finally, on top of a giant yellow eye, was the sign “Trottin’ Hotel” supported by pillars of worn wood.  

Alastor continued, “Yes, sir, this is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…”

 He glanced up and aimed his horn toward the sign. Pink electricity shot out and made contact with the sign.

The sign now read “Rottin’ Hotel.”

 “Stay tuned everypony,” he finished with a low sinister laugh.

 Back at the crater, smoke took the faces of monsters and rose into the air. Broken egg minions littered the ground. One minion rubbed his head. With a shaking arm, Sir Stallionous lifted himself up from the gaping hole, fangs shattered.

“Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?” asked the minion.

Sir Stallionous face-planted on the ground in response.

[ultraclops]

Semi-live Blogging: Return of the Mao Mao Episodes

Before we start, is it just me or is the animation like 10x smoother than it usually is? Also like I said with Nakey, there’s a lot more good expressions too!

Lucky Ducky Mug

Adorabat drinks from sippy cup like baby

"What, Mao Mao's ridiculous mug?" says Badgerclops, holding a cheap plastic big gulp cup he probably got from the grocery store.

How did Adorabat not notice the Lucky Ducky sticker on the Aerocycle

"Don't touch it" (Badgerclops proceeds to slam the table to move it) Ah Badgerclops, ever the contrarian

I'M SORRY DID MAO MAO BLOW THE ROOF OFF OF HQ BY SCREAMING

I love the way Mao says "PROFESSIONAAAL SILENCEEE"

Badgerclops trying to make his mouth disappear and failing made me scream with laughter

Are they seriously reducing Ratarang to 'the funny lil Italian guy'? C’mon guys you’re better than this

Wait why do they think Kevin is Adorabat?? They've seen Adorabat multiple times?? "But they're both blue!" You FOOL Kevin is TEAL there's a difference

Everybody gangsta til Mao Mao's ears start speaking morse code

They're doing surprisingly good silent but it's probably not gonna be that way very long.

Thank you, Lucky Ducky Mug, for catering to my niche interest in characters with neon outlines on black backgrounds.

Mao Mao thinking: Normal thoughts

Badgerclops thinking: Musical-esque singing

Adorabat thinking: Literally just heavy metal

The Sweetypies seriously think they're just playing a really intense game of charades huh,,,

(Mao jabs BC in the stomach with the fire net) HAHA GET REKT

The scene with Badgerclops trying to give Mao Mao Penny's mug is the funniest shit in the world I couldn't stop laughing...or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived

So the Sky Pirates are so similar compared to the Sheriff's Dept. that they can think perfectly in sync? That's cool

SKY PIRATES SONG SKY PIRATES SONG

Why is Snugglemagne throwing a random tea party & why did he only invite the Sheriff's Dept.

Yep there goes the plan. Both of their plans.

Am I going crazy or did the skin on Mao Mao's mouth tear apart like it was sewn shut?! Also yay they're talking again

"It's not gonna stop charging, so I'm just gonna let it explooode..." Mood

"What about the mega laser tube made by mega Losers?" Fsfhkfh

Hey, everyone learned something new from this experience! Are the Sky Pirates gonna try that Hive Mind tactic from now on?

Awww, they fixed his mug with gold - GOD DAMN IT I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH!!

Lonely Kid

(Sighs) ...I said (SIGHS)

"I literally can't relate to that problem at all." says Badgerclops, who joined a gang because he wanted people to like him.

Shin just dropped off Mao Mao at a summer camp and expected him to make friends? Why does this feel like the plot of Camp Camp

I'm sorry the Mao clan has a freaking PARTY AERO-BUS??

NOO GERALDINE

That BGM is DEFINITELY an extended version of "I Love You, Mao Mao" and I want the lyrics NOW

So Bao was literally just a stray that Mao took home?? Would make sense as to why he wasn't trained

I have a feeling the Flimborg is some sort of sacred being the townspeople worship for some reason

How in the hell did Mao tie that guy up and why didn't he bother to untie him

HOW'D HE SET THE ROCKS ON FIRE USING PAINT

"And then you become frien-" "BEES. IN THE EYES."

"Everyone knows bees are our friends!" "Uh, actually, they were wasps." "Friends to no-one!" Usually I'd agree with BC, but I read an article about someone befriending a wasp and her babies so.

So the Mao clan's just known as the "Golden Cat Family Up The Hill?" Huh. I thought they’d have more recognition, especially since Shin says he went to that same summer camp at the beginning.

Man those kids are jackasses

"Say hi to your mommy!" "I would if she was here..." Excuse me wHAT

Noo don't cry baby boi - tHEN BAO JUST TACKLES HIM ASFHDKDL

"Go away! I don't feel like laughing right now!"

Look. You can see the EXACT point Mao developed his adult personality

I know Mao Mao means well but that is gonna go terribly wrong.

"I AM A HERO! I WILL BE LOVED!!" Okay first of all OUCH, second of all THAT IS PAIN

This monster empty, YEET

Awww it was just a sweet little puppy-ish monster...and it was his BIRTHDAY

"Hi, Aunt Gloria!" (Pulls out pitchfork) BETRAYAL

He didn't feel bad about ruining the festival because he made a friend doing it I 💞💞💝💝💗💗

Thanks for that 'different times' comment cuz I don't want kids thinking being beat is normal.

"Just like you found me...and I'm your best friend!" Tbh I thought she was gonna say 'Me and Badgerclops' & that would make a lot more sense

Why are they fighting over who's his best friend they're obviously BOTH his best friends

I'm sorry did Badgerclops just call Adorabat a "little mutant"?? ARE THE SWEETYPIES MUTANTS??

Awww his friends love him sm...and he feels so loved too...💓💓💗💗💕💕

Try Hard

No one gives a shit about Pinky being kidnapped lol

"K for Copyright Infringement"

"You'll never be like me!" Oof a little harsh maybe?

"You've gotta learn to be your own kind of hero, in your own special way!" So THAT'S where it's from

"You just gotta...try hard." Hey, title drop!

Ngl the moment Mao Mao said "Badgerclops take the shot" I immediately thought of The Confession 3 by TomSka

"Up in a tree, little old me, about to do something...UGLY..." 7-year-old me sniping people on Halo 3 like

Why is he shooting them with gelatin tho? ...oh. Oh THAT'S why.

Tbh if I didn't have subtitles on I would've thought BC was saying "beep boop"

This badger and cat empty, YEET

Adorabat walking into the Skyship with only a walkie-talkie is giving me some sort of vibes...OH, Silent Hill! Or Tattletail

WHOOP HIS ASS SWEETIE

"Mao Mao would hide the body!" Very unsubtle there, wonder how it got past censors

"Ratarang, say something!" "Pasketti?" "THAT'S THE BRAT!"

Wait a sec, they can just use Badgerclops' arm to power the ship? Why didn't they try that in CapturedClops?

"Good thing my head is in here cuz I'm a-scared of heights!" Ramaraffe. Whose whole schtick is making herself taller. Is acrophobic?

"Because she's Sheriff's Department, that's how! >:3" "Also y'all tend to be pretty incompetent >X/"

Why does she keep trying to use the elevator when she can fly? Nvm she climbed up Badgerclops' arm

"Ooooh I'm also hereeee"

"JERK BUTT"

Why is the Omega Field just a bunch of broken glass? And why doesn't she just step around it?

"I can fly!" "She can fly!" "SHE FORGOT?!" Ooh that's why

"You're the best thing to ever happen to a bat like me." 💝💝💕💕💓💓

Wait she's talking through the walkie-talkie and her molts are there but she isn't there where is she?

Oh she was freeing the other two from the gelatin. No wonder Mao Mao almost threw up, it was bug flavored.

GET HIS ASS, HONEY!! ADORASLAP!!

I hope that 'Nah' means Adorabat's realized she needs to be herself instead of her just rejecting her individuality like I think it is.

Scared Of Puppets

Oh, so this takes place after Sleeper Sofa! Praying it's a fix-it episode...

"DISCARD ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY!!" Fuckin Marie Kondo up in here

Oh no PTSD flashbacks. He's scared of them cuz one's head landed on his lap as a kid? Understandable have a nice day.

Who tf collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor then leaps back up and insists they're fine? Mao Mao, apparently.

Hairless ape? Is that what they call humans or are they something different in general?

"TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!" What did BC want an antique puppet for if he had no idea Mao was scared of them...

Mr. Din Dandalib!

"I...(eye twitch) love him too..."

IM SORRY DID HE FUCKING THROW UP OUT OF FEAR...holy SHIT

If I scared my friend and they threw up I would simply never do that again. RIP to Badgerclops but I'm different

(Badgerclops makes concrete blocks around the pothole) "Why didn't you just fill in the pothole??" "I AM TRYING MY BEST!!"

"I SIGNED YOUR DUMB CAST, NOW LEAVE!!"

...Illegal house plants? ...like marijua-

That was literally just that one video where a guy knocked out another guy in a mask jumping out of a trash can...

So it's a CPR class...AND a hair-styling class? How

I stg the moment Badgerclops walked in the door I knew he was carrying Mr. Din Danalin I SWEAR

"You're 10." "BUT I'M 6??" JFC Shin doesn't know his own son's age AND is partially responsible for his pupaphobia. And I called it on Mao Mao being six in the flashbacks

OH WIG

Can someone take the footage of the Annex exploding and add the ReviewTechUSA intro over it please

"How many Adult Learning Annexes have to be destroyed before you admit you're scared of puppets?!" is extremely funny without context

(Mao punches the wall cuz hes mad at himself for being scared) Kinkinkinkinki

How does one forget to drink milk

Oh shit the scene from the promo...

Yay he's starting to feel less scared - wait NVM it JUST STARTED TALKING??

OG SGUTVKC FGCJ OG SHKR OF DJCN JKKKKK

Oh it was just a dream - er, nightmare. FIRST NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE OF THE SERIES!

"I just gotta get my socks on...wait, I wear socks, right?" Dud e you wear NOTHING BUT A BELT...

"I KNEW SELLING THOSE HAIRLESS APE DOLLS WOULD ATTRACT DARK FORCES"

"There’s a lot of pu-" "PUBLIC DANGER"

Those puppets are alive I stg

"I'M A BIG BOI..."

Awwww she said what he told her at the beginning of the episode!

"I'M AFRAID OF PUPPETS" TITLE DROP YET AGAIN

Adorabat takes after Badgerclops sometimes I swear

Oooh shit sequel hook - oh NVM it was Badgerclops voice acting - NVM Mao Mao passed out. Dang

The Perfect Couple

Watermelon time babyyy

TRANSFORMATION TIME BABYYYY

Ah so he wanted to perfectly cut a watermelon in half, that's why he got so many?

"I need (counts on fingers) 600 more watermelons!" glad to see I'm not the only one who counts on my fingers

Why would Penny and Benny need 600 watermelons for their wedding? Also I called it on Penny & Benny being the couple

Mao Mao has to officiate the wedding? I thought priests did that

Please don’t throw up again Mao Mao

"I WILL BUY YOU A BAG TO HOLD YOUR STUFF..."

"A nondescript sack!!" Dude he just taking out the trash...

Nvm its just laundry

"I WILL TURN THIS BUSH AROUND"

Oh so THAT'S what Ramaraffe thought Kevin was Adorabat

"Why don't you buy me cake and do my laundry?" Are you implying you wanna marry Mao Mao, Badgerclops 👀

I lov Mao Mao's faces in this scene he legit looks like a bishouen anime protagonist

Nvm no transformation it's just his wedding outfit

Why did they invite Orangusnake and Boss Hosstritch to the wedding tho? What about when they hid in their moving truck and used their electricity - wait Badgerclops technically did that last one, nvm

Wait THEY DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING?? What a perfect couple huh

Is Mao Mao having hallucinations just gonna be a regular thing now....

IS PENNY SERIOUSLY GONNA MARRY ORANGUSNAKE OUT OF SPITE ASFSDGFUK

Why did Mao Mao say "melons" in a Spanish accent I'm scared

"They're both terrible, so what does it matter if they get hitched or not?" They're definitely gonna change their minds now

"She lied because she wanted to protect his feelings! And he lied because he couldn't bear to hurt her!" Isn't that just the plot of The Truth Stinks?

OH SHIT HE CUT ORANGUSNAKE IN HALF HOLY FUCK

He made Orangusnake officiate the wedding as punishment lol

Why are they,,,stepping on the watermelons?? Damn right Badgerclops I'd cry over that too

"What's, uh, your credit score like?" "850. Why, is that good?" "It's perfect..." HE WANTS TO MARRY MAO MAO NOW ASDFHKL

[dohmaverse]

thank u murpho for these bountiful prompts

Clothing Preferences: Belvite Edition

Maverick: Always covered from the neck down & dresses in layers, loves a nice poncho & tassels & really any kind of patterned knit and living in a desert isn’t gonna stop him(it’s the Dysphoria).  If he has to dress up for a formal event he opts for a modest dress over a suit(regrets wearing a tux to his wedding it was so fucking uncomfortable & awkward).  Always wearing gloves(he’s sensitive about his weird hands). Wears long-sleeved night gowns to bed.  Boots.

Lorant:  No such thing as casual looks for him, he’s always wearing professional cuts of clothing, generally dress pants+dress shirt+vest, exclusively in soft pinks and greys and whites.  The only deviation from looking like a pastel business boy is his enjoyment of cute ribbon-based ties & hairpieces, and pearl earrings.  He’s very dedicated to his aesthetic.  His pajamas are those button-up cotton sets in cute pastel patterns, sometimes with sleeping cap like a fucking cartoon character.  Low-heeled dress shoes.

Gale:  Athletic shirts & sweat pants all day every day.  Has an attachment to compression materials, especially in his shirts(he got rid of his tiddys years ago but he still feels better with his chest ‘bound’).  All his pants are loose & he never wears shorts because he’s sensitive about people seeing his prosthetic.  There is no separation of clean & dirty clothes he will just pick up individual garments from the floor & sniff until he finds one that’s not overly funky.  All of his shirts are black so he will always match no matter how loud & colorful his pants are.  On formal occasions he has one of those t shirts with a tux graphic on the front & pairs it with his least-stained black sweatpants. He’s been wearing it for 17 years & it’s still funny(to him).  Sleeps either nude or in whatever he was wearing that day, depending on whether he's sharing the bed or not ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).  Sneakers.

Kenny:  sleeveless shirts & cargo shorts, in various & often-clashing colors & patterns.  In her edgy phase rn so her palette is more confined to red & black but it’s been pretty eyeburny over the years.  Has a bolo tie that she wears EVERY DAY, doesn’t matter if her shirt doesn’t have a collar. Prefers a tux over a dress in formal settings & is a very handsome lil butch baby.    Sleepwear is big t-shirts & basketball shorts. Ugly leather sandals, will throw a fit over having to wear closed-toe shoes.

Marta:  Oh she loves a nice sweater dress w/ leggings.  Really dresses like a teacher(2 steps above casual, but still mostly comfortable).  Wears a lot of mustard yellow & dull green & maybe a burnt orange, just some nice autumnal tones.  Has a pocket watch on a long chain she wears on a necklace most of the time.  Formalwear i see her having a lot of different looks, mostly mid-cut dresses(always liked the idea of shorter dresses but never really had the nerve to get any). Pajamas are just soft shirts & pants, regular-ass pajama sets.  Flats & slippers preferred for footwear but will wear heels once in a while(probably is just in her socks most of the time tho).

Hyaki:  If She Covers Her Abs She Will Die, a lot of the time will just wear a sport bra for a shirt, maybe with a half-length vest or hoodie over it.  Wears sturdy pants, usually denim or leather, and some good boots.  Also knee pads just cuz Belles have weird nods to armor as a part of the general aesthetic.  Will deign to cover her stomach at formal events only, but whatever dress she wears has a halter top so you can still see her HUGE BICEPS and RIPPLING BACK MUSCLE.  Sleeps in her underwear usually.

Soleil:  Fuckin, rompers.  Has never been seen in an outfit that isn’t primarily yellow & black.  Beanie at all times, probably a cool belt with a sword on it.  She likes accessories, ok?  Has a pair of those sneakers with wings on them & keeps them in As Pristine Condition As Possible, will fight you if you step on her shoes.  Prefers to avoid formal events, but if she has to she’ll wear a jumpsuit or maybe a regular suit depending on her mood.

Tevyn:  This bitch loves a sundress, just a nice light flowy thing that’s easy to move in, both because they’re cute & comfy AND because their form is kinda...wibbly(it’s not fun to start sprouting extra limbs & scales & feathers in restrictive clothing).  Prefers vibrant, summery colors(orange & yellow & sky blue & white).  Desperately wishes formal dresses weren’t exclusively made of fabrics with No Fucking Give to them, but as it is they have One formal outfit & it’s backless.  Likes cute lacey pajamas that are like 1 step away from just being lingerie.  Prefers not to wear shoes, but if forced will wear slip-ons.

Tobi:  Just a basic bitch who wears graphic tees with wolves on them or polo shirts & khakis.  I hate looking at him.  Will wear a suit to work if he wants to be serious that day.  Pajamas are nearly indistinguishable from his daywear, but he changes before bed so there must be some difference.

Buddy:  Long sleeves + booty shorts.  That is all.  Has worn the same suit to every formal event he’s been to since he was 15, but if it’s a party he might just throw the suit top on with some shorts & thigh-high socks cuz he’s a thot.  Passes out in whatever he’s wearing, which is usually just his underwear cuz he strips down the moment he enters his house.  Has a few pairs of shoes but prefers his purple rain boots.

[priincesspacificaarchive]

💍 + Elipper *

WEDDING MEME||ACCEPTING 

[under the cut bc it’s looonngg.]

where they get married 

gf probs??? outside. there’s a a chuppah, and elise+her side of the wedding party are wearing yellow and flower crowns (except elise is wearing white i guess?) the chuppah has daisies and the crowns are made of daisies. 

when they get married ( ie what time of day, what month and season etc. )

it’s summer, daytime, maybe early june. like when they first met or something else rly sappy.  

what traditions they include ( do they get married under a chuppah and crush a glass, garter toss, ‘something borrowed, something blue,’ etc. ) 

they definitely try very hard to combine their two traditions. i’ve always loved the idea of the pines family being jewish and with pacifica and elise being puerto rican and wanting to reconnect with their own heritage i think it’d make perfect sense for them to try and combine their two traditions. like there’s a chuppah, but the flowers on it are daisies and ampola flowers. elise carries a fan, but she and dipper also circle each other. they sign a ketubah, with their twin sister’s signing as witnesses. dipper’s parents walk him to the chuppah, but paz walks elise since their parents are in jail. they break a glass and cheer “mazel tov”. there’s the bedeken. the Seven Blessings are read, and soft music is played as in puerto rican tradition. not only do i love cultures in general, but i love blending them, and i think elise and dipper would try very hard to incorporate their heritage into their wedding. obviously i’m neither of these things, but i’ve done some minor research and i’m hoping these are accurate. (google don’t fail me now.) 

what their wedding cake looks likes 

it’s pineapple flavored, as puerto rican custom decides. and white with blue and yellow seashells. i was originally gonna ind a cake thing and try to make it but honestly i’m too tired of these things i just want them out of my drafts!

….who smashes cake into whose face 

elise in dipper’s first, then he goes to feed her a piece all nice like and smashes it into her nose to keep from ruining her hair or makeup too much. boy knows that shit takes WORK.

who proposed to who firsts

lowkey wanna say elise at least brought it up first. dipper def got the ring and officially proposed first.

who walks down the aisle and who waits at the altar ( or neither )

dipper is walked to the chuppah ahead of elise by his parents, then elise follows being guided by pacifica.

what their wedding dresses / suits / other look like

elise’s is white with yellow accents and it’s just long and flowy and soft looking with minimal beading/embroidery.

what their wedding colour scheme is and what sort of decor they have

light yellow and probably light blue? like sky blue and sunflower yellow. idk about decor okay i’m cLUELESS ABOUT WEDDING DECOR.

what flowers are in the bouquet ( if applicable. bonus: what do the flowers mean?)

daffodils (meaning new beginnings) and forget-me-nots (meaning, well, forget me not), wrapped in baby’s breath (meaning everlasting love) (sunflowers mean false riches and yellow roses mean infidelity so those were NOS) there’s also ampola, as tradition states, and elise also carries an ampola fan.

what their vows are ( eg poetry, traditional, improvised etc. )

they def had they’re own vows but dipper’s ended with “i promise to be your earth and your sky forever.” and elise’s was like “i promise to be your sun and your flame, forever and ever

if anyone’s late to the wedding

it’s gideon bc he didn’t wanna come xD no fr it’s probably no one. everyone they invite is very excited to see them get married so they wouldn’t try to be disrespectful like that.

who’s in the bridal parties / groomsmen / other

elise has paz and robbie, dipper has wendy and mabel. robbie and wendy get paired up but they havent been together in half of forever so they dont care. tbh robbie’s probs married to tambry w a baby on the way by now lets face it. and elise only picked him bc she knew he’d be easier to pair w wendy. also sorry dip u have no friends outside the galaxy square. (psst, actually none of them do bc fuck it i’m no good w npcs.)

what their bridal party / groomsmen / other are wearing

paz’s bridesmaid dress is soft and flowy and bright yellow with a daisy flower crown. robbie/mabel/wendy are wearing black tuxes with ties that match the bridesmaid dress. everyone is wearing a daisy flower crown. except dipper.

who gives speeches at the reception ( bonus: what do they say? recount a sweet memory or two between them? tell an embarrassing story? )

pacifica talks about how she’s watched their love blossom since they were twelve, mabel tells embarrassing stories about some of the adventures they went on together. the mic is then opened to the floor and gideon and stan rush it to tell embarrassing stories next. stan’s turns tearful when he talks about dipper finally becoming a man. it’s a very emotional day.

who catches the bouquet( s )

candy. who promptly looks at her date with “oh shit” eyes.

what their wedding photos are like ( are they sweet, with the couple holding hands or kissing or ~gazing into each others eyes~? are they silly, with a snapshot of the ‘cake-smash’ moment? or are they artistic, with one of them facing the sunset or holding their bouquets? )

most of them are sweet, pictures of them smiling and laughing together. there’s photos of the cake smashing, dipper gives her a piggyback ride in her dress and heels in one. some of them are silly. capturing goofy faces they make at each other to get them to laugh. it’s like taking pictures of the essence of their relationship. they put them in an actual album that mabel helps with.

what sort of food they have at the reception

they probably try to continue to combine their traditions by using some of purto rico’s local dishes and some traditional jewish dishes. (look i’m doing some minor research here okay. if i keep googling this stuff my family’s gonna think i’m secretly engaged or something.)

who cries first during the ceremony

it’s definitely a close tie but it’s dipper, cause he sees her first. then elise. then mabel. then paz. then stan is bawling in his seat but like. in a manly way. also soos is crying.

how wild their reception gets ( who dances the best, who gets drunk first, etc. )

mabel and elise set off ffirecrackers and almost get arrested. thank god for sheriff blubbs and deputy durland. toby determined crashed and got shitfaced and tore up the dancefloor. paz and elise danced together instead of a father/daughter dance, which they’d done for pacifica’s wedding the day before. they had a joint celebration dinner the night before that. robbie and tambry like, barely left each other’s sides but it’s fine bc dipper barely left elise’s. they had one of those photobooths and the main four spent like hours getting amazing pictures. those ALSO go in the album.

what their rings are like

simple gold bands. elise’s wedding ring is probably the ring dipper gifted her during the ceremony. her engagement ring is a gold band with a white diamond center surrounded by yellow accent diamonds.

what sort of favours they have ( heart shaped sparklers, mini champagne bottles, personalised candy etc. )

they definitely had something sun and sky-themed. idk what tho. also they passed out capias for puerto rican tradition.

where they go for their honeymoon

they go camping out in some really nice woods and like, mountain-y area. elise fucking loves it.

something memorable that happens during the party / ceremony ( do they run out of ice and someone goes to get it in full formal wear on foot, does anyone fall asleep in the middle of the party, etc. )

its gf so lots of things happen but tbh the most memorable is people drunkenly asking the twins (even w their VERY different hair) why they’re not dancing w so-and-so and still getting them confused. also if anyone is running out for ice in full formal wear its robbie bc ngl that shits hILARIOUS to my currently sleep-addled brain.

who officiates the ceremony

i want it to be mayor tyler for some reason

what song their first dance is to

‘close to you’ by the carpenters bC IM A SUCKER FOR IT. also the soft sound is too perfect for elipper im cry. if not that it’d be a soft live rendition of “i can’t help (falling in love with you)” bc that’s literally on the elipper playlist.

who gives who away as they walk down the aisle

as it’s a chuppah it’s dipper and then elise. (ngl i love all this tradition stuff i feel like my wedding is gonna be some boring christian traditional thing and that makes me wanna cry bruh.)

[thewickedverkaiking]

DEH Recap 25 July 2018 (Stephen's Debut!)

I JUST FOUND THIS IN MY DRAFTS AND REALIZED I NEVER POSTED ABOUT MY FIRST EVER BROADWAY MUSICAL WHAT THE FUCK IM A DUMBASS

anyway here's my recap of deh when i went to see it on broadway back in fucking july of last year

ACT 1

we were towards the back of the theatre but the music box is so small we honestly had a great view of both the stage and the band!!

stephen was such a cute evan, he was really anxious but a little more optimistic than ben platt

the opening monologue was so fast omg 

it might just have been me but it seemed like rachel’s mic was turned a little low especially in comparison to evan. it sounds fine in the audio but i had a *little* trouble hearing one or two of her lines in the theatre. it might have been acoustics idk

heidi is so painfully optimistic it hurts my heart

alex’s connor literally does not give a fuck. mike’s connor came across as a kid who had too many emotions he didn’t know how to deal with; alex’s connor is just flat out apathetic

jlt’s cynthia seems a little sterner/reprimanding compared to the earlier boots i’ve seen so that’s an interesting change

at the “he’s not high” part alex had a really creepy smile on his face and then he stalked so defiantly offstage

olivia’s zoe was colder than i expected; her zoe is a little more similar to laura’s 

phoenix’s alana—bless her heart, she was so earnest and adorable 

when jared said that line about zoe’s instagram, stephen was so distressed he spun in an entire circle to make sure no one was listening it was hilarious

sky is really funny but i feel like will is much funnier in terms of comedic timing? like sky’s jared is still an asshole but will’s jared is like. Major Asshole™

there was this mixed groan + laugh throughout the audience during the school shooter line

waving through a window was gorgeous i’m not ashamed to admit that was when i started crying

‘evan right?’ ‘eVAN!!’ and he was so horrified he covered his mouth with both hands

during the jazz band part my mom was like “he’s so nerdy” lmao

the staging and choreo of wtaw is so fucking powerful i love it i love it i love it so much

evan’s desperation during the letter scene was so painfully acute and real and he started crying during ‘i wish everything was different’ 

i’ve always liked the letter scene/wtaw reprise but i never expected to cry so hard during it

alex said the line ’you fell out of a tree? well, that is just the saddest fucking thing i ever heard’ like, completely monotonous 

‘because there’s zoe’; my mom next to me: ‘oh no’

the only time real!connor ever showed emotion was when he yelled at evan at the end of the lab scene he was completely apathetic anywhere else 

asa somer’s larry is a little less stoic than michael park’s 

evan’s head nod at the dinner table was so exaggerated it was like he was going to nod his head off lmao

righ after evan said “i remember a lot of good things about connor” his face was instantly like ‘oh shit’

for forever never used to be a favorite song of mine until now bc wow it was so pure and earnest and heartbreaking 

‘girls we wish would notice us’ he looked at zoe and then whipped his face away so quick

the absolute sass and shade heidi throws about evan’s stepmother lmao

ALRIGHT!! IT SAYS CONNOR!!! ON YOUR CAST!!!!

honestly evan talks to heidi like he’s just…trying to placate her and wait until she’s gone; like he doesn’t really care about what she’s trying to say and it breaks my heart :((

fake connor is so much more animated than real connor alex really shows the difference between the two 

the nipples pose was the most Fucking Cursed thing i’ve ever seen in my life 

sky laughed so hard at ‘im sending pictures of the most amazing trees’

alex does the ‘not because we’re gay’ line quite differently from mike; alex’s one is like ‘no of course not we’re not gay!!’

connor and evan high-fived

jared actually never touches them when during the sincerely me dance, it’s like he’s trying to participate but can’t and idk i think that was a really genius blocking move

when evan left the murphy after giving them the emails he made a huge berth around zoe 

requiem fucked me up!! when cynthia was sitting on connor’s bed and hugging his pillow to her chest i couldn’t take it i started sobbing

olivia’s voice is so lilting and pretty, but she hit ‘monster’ really harsh and then broke down crying 

the transition from heidi not being able to do taco tuesday and evan going for dinner at the murphys is just genius that’s all

evan freaked out so bad when he said ‘you’ve never been poor then’ and olivia was so deadpan the whole time it was great

evan’s so in love with zoe during if i could tell her it was adorable and tender and sweet

i think zoe genuinely wanted to know what connor thought about her, she just didn’t want to show it 

he didn’t freak out that much after ‘really pretty—er, good’ but when zoe asked ‘he did?’ he made this really frustrated ARGH noise which was so funny

zoe really was just drinking in everything evan said, which was beautiful and heartbreaking

stephen's voice wavered a little on the last 'i love you' which was kind of funny

phoenix's comedic timing as alana is really great which kind of surprising.  i didn't expect alana to be so funny even with all her intensity and earnestness

anyway, disappear was really cool because alex and stephen are almost the same height? and from the back of the theatre they look p similar in terms of build and all that, so the way the scene was blocked made it look like good angel/bad angel which was just so neat!

the scene where cynthia gave evan connor's tie just broke my heart ouch

the part where evan screws up his speech just before ywbf is honestly so painful to watch because of how accurate it is

stephen is such a great actor his horror and fear and shame is all so palpable

he was just lying there on the ground and sobbing

you will be found was glorious the whole stage was lit up and all the projections were screaming

cynthia's "you did" was just so excited and joyful her smile was so infectious 

baby alex was really adorable i die

when zoe appeared on her bed with the blue light washing over her she looked so alone and so sad i just wanted to run up to her and give her a hug

when larry broke down and cynthia hugged him i wanted to cry

the whole scene and song was just so powerful and the lights and projections and blocking all just tie in so so well

actually that applies for the whole show lmao

ACT 2

evan really brushes off jared after the sincerely me reprise and sky really plays up jared's hurt and ouch

honestly evan's fights with heidi in act 2 are so painful because evan's just getting colder and drifting away and you can tell how frantic and heartbroken heidi is

ngl i don't really like the line about evan not taking his refills and how his anxiety is okay but idk 

'so, you and zoe' 'this glove's really cool wOW' lmfao

ugh, to break in a glove was so heartbreaking guys larry really cared  about connor okay?

asa's larry seems less stoic than michael's and you really see how much he likes evan and he's not afraid to show that affection

"in three hours!" evan's growl was so cute and adorable

he was like yelling and freaking out so bad over the breakup part and then he went 'thank you' in the smallest most embarrassed voice 

only us was pure and wholesome and i couldn't help but think throughout that entire song that wow zoe is amazing and i really want her as my girlfriend

also olivia puckett's voice is really smooth and gorgeous

and evan's really confident in only us which is just such a sweet thing to see 

alana was really fucking pissed at evan wow 

and jared is just flatout apathetic and unsympathetic while evan freaks out

heidi's so shy at the murphys she's adorable

"he's got his own toothbrush" my mom laughed out loud at that line lmao

larry went over to evan when he was curled up on the chair and  kinda like, nudged his shoulders and lower back to get him to sit up straight it was so funny

you can see how mortified heidi is and evan just KNOWS he's going to die once they get home

ngl heidi IS terrifying once they get home 

evan really doesn't hold back with his barbs holy shit 

good for you!! rockstar heidi!! rbj just strutted out like a fucking model!! i love her so much!!

i love this song so much the lighting was amazing and the music was like. shaking the theatre 

same thing for the ywbf reprise

it's so haunting and terrifying and you can just Sense how evan and the murphys feel everything falling apart

stephen's acting during words fail. holy shit. i thought no one could top ben platt's words fail? but i have to say stephen probably gave my favorite performance of the song ever

i've never been so emotionally shaken by a song before, i was sobbing so hard and i need to say that that scene alone was worth the entire price of the ticket. 

so big/so small was so soft and heartbreaking. evan just collapsed into heidi's arms

stephen's kinda lanky and it was really funny seeing rbj trying to half-hug/half-carry him on the couch

i didn't cry as hard during that song because i think i ran out of tears after words fail

when the scrim is pulled back and everything turns blue?? so bright? so emotional so beautiful

all those plants rising up from the ground

the ending was so satisfying oh my god i have never seen a better musical

STAGEDOOR

it was my first broadway stagedoor and we got out asap after the show ended but holy shit there were so many people

it was drizzling just a little bit so some people left before the actors came out

the most annoying thing is when there are people going in and out of the theatre and the stagedoor keeps opening and closing and you're just on an emotional rollercoaster bc you think the cast is coming out >:)

april lavalle (alex's girlfriend)  stuck her head out of the door to look around at one point! alex didn't come out tho :((

asa was the first to come out!

he was so sweet, i asked him to sign a playbill for my friend sarah and he was like 'do you want me to write her name?' and i was like 'yes!' and he drew a little heart next to it was so sweet omg

sky was the next one out and i told him he was really funny and he was like !! thank you and i almost died 

stephen was the last one to come out and sky got really excited and yelled 'this is his first stagedoor' and everyone cheered for him

he was really shy at first and didn't want to take pictures

but he and asa and sky took a selfie! i couldn't get in but i got a photo of them taking it and omg i would die for this cast that's all

when stephen signed my playbill im pretty sure i told him something along the lines about him being fantastic and i was so happy to have seen him and he smiled this cute dorky grin and said thank you and i died a little inside

down the line he agreed to take some selfies 

and then the security guard told us that that was everyone 

i was really hoping to see olivia but it's okay!! it was such an amazing incredible wonderful experience

oh and apparently my parents were waiting off to the side of the stagedoor crowd and my mom said asa waved to them as he left the theatre?!?!?!

also she saw phoenix leave

and yeah that's basically what happened

i'm still pinching myself wtf

im sorry this post was so long i have a lot to say

this is also lowkey for me to look back on next time and so i wont forget what happened

:))

pictures

[lowdenfordays]

Request from; @permnentvacashton: Lol hey sorry back again with another request.. just watched Bridget Jones' Baby for the first time and got inspired lmao, one with Jack where you're pregnant (single tho bc the dad left you) and you get locked out your house and left in the cold for a few hours and he comes over and finds you outside and long story short he comforts you and you can end it how you want to ahaha, sorry this is so long lmao

n.b. there’s a fair amount of swearing, just so ye know.  

“You have got to be fucking kidding me”, you cursed under your breath. “This cannot be happening.” You searched frantically in your bag for the keys to your apartment. You’d had the crappiest day at work; seemingly everything that could have possibly gone wrong, had done. You were completely swamped with work, your boss gave you a bollocking because you’d missed a deadline, some prick had spilt coffee on your shirt and, to top it all off, your pregnancy was making you feel like shit. You were six months, and had headaches, back ache, leg ache, the nausea was back and you were constantly tired. All you wanted to do was lie down and get the weight off your feet, curl up in your fluffy pyjamas with a soppy rom-com, a cup of tea and a heap of chocolate. But no. You were stuck outside under and increasingly grey sky, so close to your happy place but unable to reach it. You wrapped your coat tighter around your body as a chilly wind swept through you. You could feel the air was thick and heavy. It was definitely going to rain. As if the universe was mocking you, the first few drops began to fall just as the thought entered your head. Within seconds the heavens had opened and it was pouring.

You turned your head to the sky and mumbled, “Fuck you,” under your breath.

 You made a call to your landlord, requesting the spare key, but he helpfully informed you that he was abroad on business and couldn’t do a bloody thing to help. He gave you permission to call a locksmith to get you in, but kindly reminded you that you’d have to pay for a new lock. The bastard. You found a number for a locksmith, your fingers shaking with the cold, and were told you’d have to wait a few hours before someone could come out. You sighed, accepting that the universe was going to piss all over you some more before the day was through. You sat down on the doorstep, chin in your hands and thoroughly fed up. The rain was coming down hard and soon you were wet to the core, with your hair plastered to your head and slowly freezing your arse off. You cursed the father of your child again for leaving you. This had to be his fault. Somehow.

 You had only been with Jeremy for five months when you found out you were pregnant. You hadn’t really known what to expect from him, but it certainly wasn’t for him to assume you would get an abortion and, when you said you didn’t want to, for him to move to another continent. Sure, you didn’t want to marry him, but you thought he might support you just a little bit. He had at least had the decency to break up with you to your face, saying he “wasn’t ready to be a parent” (like you were?), but within the week you saw on Facebook that he was off having a dandy old time travelling through South America. What a gent! You were glad to be shot of him really, but it was hard doing this on your own. You had friends and family to support you, sure, but you lived alone and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find every single day a struggle. It was only seeing the scans of your perfect little baby, and now starting to feel her move, that kept you going.

But right in that moment, sat on a grubby step on the street, in the rain, you were just about at your limit. At least the rain hid your tears.

You lost track of time, but it must have been over an hour later when a pair of stylish leather shoes stopped before you and a warm Scottish voice called down, “Ye alrigh’ there lassie?”

“I’m not a dog,” you mumbled to the pavement.

“No, no I can see that. You look pretty wet though, what are ye doing sat outside in this weather?”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s not by choice. Look, I’ve had a crappy day as it is, I don’t need some cocksure little so-and-so taking the piss alright? So if you’d kindly fuck off,” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest.

He chuckled. Chuckled! You wanted to be indignant, but somehow the sound was so warm and rich that you couldn’t help but soften a bit.

“No one’s takin’ the piss love, it just looks to me like ye could use the help of a kindly stranger. Did ye lock yerself out?”

You puffed out your chest like an indignant child. “No,” you said stubbornly. “Maybe. I might have left my key behind this morning.”

The man laughed again, and held out a hand. “I’m Jack, by the way.” He pulled you to your feet, and it was only then that you realised he was holding an umbrella over your head.

“Y/N… thanks,” you said, gesturing to the umbrella.

You took a moment to study the man then, having not really taken him in yet. He had the most playful blue eyes, shining starkly against the grey sky. They seemed to dance gleefully as they skipped over your face. He had a mop of soft blonde hair and a rugged beard, tinged with red, and a smile curled at the corners of his mouth to reveal boyish dimples. He had a long, straight nose and a facial structure that appeared to have been carefully and lovingly carved. He was startlingly handsome. A wealth of expression twinkled beneath his skin, the potential emotion so tangible.

“It’s my pleasure, Y/N. How long ‘ave ye been sat here?” There was genuine concern in his voice.

“An hour, maybe. The locksmith won’t be here for another two hours.”

“Christ! You must be freezin’. Well, we cannnae leave you out here. My flat is just ‘round the corner, why don’t ye come in and have a shower, get warm. I’ll get ye some dry clothes and a warm drink while ye wait, eh?”

Your head told you to be wary of a strange man offering to take you to his flat, but it sounded so inviting – you were desperately cold. Something in your gut told you to trust him, maybe it was his kind eyes.

“You’re not going to tie me up and sell me as a sex slave or anything, right?”

He laughed and shook his head, “Scout’s honour,” he said, holding up three fingers in salute.

You smiled and, only a little against your better judgement, let him lead you to his place.

 You walked into the kitchen of a modern, clean, if slightly plain, apartment.

“Why don’ ye take yer coat off and pop it on the radiator. I’ll just get the kettle on. Tea?”

You nodded, “Mm, please. Milk, no sugar.” You shrugged your coat off and hung it where Jack had pointed. Your jumper was wet through, and stuck to your swollen belly. When Jack turned around his eyes went wide as he saw you.

“You’re not less inclined to be kind to me now, are you?” you said, only half joking, and stroking your bump.

“Course no’! But that mob boss I was planning on selling ye too might be less inclined to take ye now,” he grinned.

“Scout’s honour, huh?” you retorted.

He chuckled. “Here,” he said, handing you a warm mug. “I’ll just go and find ye some dry clothes.”

 You stepped out of the bathroom, glad to be warm. Jack had given you a pair of baggy grey trackies and an oversized jumper. It hung loosely over your shoulders and you had to roll the sleeves up, but it pulled across your belly. You saw Jack sprawled on the sofa. He had changed into sweats and a dark blue t-shirt. You inhaled sharply as you noticed the gently defined muscles of his arm. This guy really was gorgeous. 

“Feeling better?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder.

“Much,” you said with a nod and a smile.

“Good. There’s more tea in the pot if ye wan’ it.”

After pouring yourself a second cup, you went to sit beside Jack on the sofa. You cradled the mug in your hands, and took a sheepish sip as you noticed him staring at you.

“Um, thanks again Jack, for all this. You really didn’t have to-”

He cut you off, “I couldn’t leave a beautiful woman such as yerself sat alone in the rain. I’m a gentleman, ye know.”

“Even so, thank you. You’ve been very kind.”

He tipped his head to you and shrugged. “So, do you live alone? No one to let you in?”

You shook your head.

“Where’s the father?” The question was so abrupt, it took you back for a moment. Jack clearly hadn’t meant to ask quite so bluntly. “Sorry, that was rude of me. Ye don’ have to answer that.”

“No, it’s a fair question. I believe he’s in Peru at the moment, according to his Facebook. Maybe Ecuador by now actually,” you mused.

The outrage was clear on his face. “He’s in South America? And you’re how many months pregnant?”

“Six,” you said with a smile. He seemed to care so genuinely, he was appalled on your behalf, and he’d only met you half an hour ago.

“What an arse!”

“You’re telling me. He left me two days after I told him. He wanted me to get rid of it, but when I told him I didn’t want to, he basically ran for the hills.”

“Unbelievable,” Jack muttered. “You deserve better than that.”

“You don’t even know me! What if was some awful puppy murderer, and that was actually far better than I deserved? As I recall when we first met I said you were cocksure and told you to fuck off.”

He laughed heartily at that. “That’s true, but my instincts tell me you’re actually very kind and sweet and gentle, if a little tenacious. And my instincts are never wrong.”

It was your turn to laugh then, “Well that I simply don’t believe.”

“That might have been a small white lie. But I don’t think I’m wrong about you.”

 For the next two hours you chatted animatedly. Jack told you that he was an actor, and that he was soon to be in a BBC adaptation of War and Peace, which you promised to watch. In turn, you told him all about your baby girl, potential names, pregnancy woes and the like. You talked about your families, your dreams, your goals. You soon discovered how funny he was, and you felt so relaxed in his presence. By the time your phone rang, signalling that the locksmith had arrived, you felt as though you’d known Jack your whole life. He insisted on escorting you home, and waiting with you in the rain while your lock was changed, umbrella and all. He put an arm around your shoulder to keep you warm, but it wasn’t just his body heat that had a fire blazing in your chest. Once the locksmith had finished and gone on his way, you stood in the doorway, lingering for a moment. You weren’t ready to say goodbye to the handsome stranger who had saved you from the rain.

“Thanks again Jack. I... um, it was nice to meet you.”

He nodded, shuffling his feet. “Honestly, it was my pleasure.”

You smiled politely, and went to shut the door, but Jack called out, “Y/N! Do you think… could I take ye out for dinner sometime?”.

A grin lit up your face, “I’d like that very much.”

Once you had given him your number, thanked him again, and he’d left, you stood leaning against the closed door for a moment. Jack’s face played in your mind’s eye and you couldn’t help but giggle. Maybe today hadn’t been so crappy after all. If your awful day had all been some elaborate scheme by the universe to bring Jack into your life, you could handle that.

“Bit melodramatic though,” you said with a huff, to no one in particular.

[inqshead]

no vacancy.

it was the second part of our family we met. and luckily the only one left. they had been visiting my granny every other month, but we never took the journey of driving for two days to them. it was family on blood and name. nothing else. still everyone was kinda excited to see them. me excluded. my thoughts were surprisingly not with him, but at home. i missed my two best friends. and for the first time since i met him i thought of sava. he had been drunk the night before we left home which was exactly eight nights ago. he was drunk, and high, and a mess. we layed in his bed, the stars and a bright moon shone bright on our faces and suddenly he sat on me, he kissed me. as if there was no morning. i always had a small crush on him, being openly bisexual, absolutely sexy and a huge fuckboy. and yes, my male best friend for almost seventeen years. i don’t know how we stopped, but i remember him throwing up for hours ongoing and him being completely unaware of everything the morning after that. (not great). i love his black hair, that falls in his eyes whenever he moves his head; i love his intense grey eyes that seem to take off all my clothes in a rush; i love his strong arms, the way he smiles and just how hot it is when he lies besides me  and tells me stories with that passion. i also missed katy, which used to be kaiden,, she was born a he. i wanted to talk with her about what happened, if she heard anything from sava or if he just looked like he remembered anything. but as i said, wifi is not to be found here. also i wasn’t really sure if it was a good idea, i thought talking with sava first would be better. anyways, i was really surprised that i forgot about that the moment we stepped into the motel. when we arrived in the nearby town and the whole time we stayed, there was this cloud in my head which made my mood pretty bad. not cool man. everyone was convinced i needed some strong homebrewed wodka to feel better and to look happier. it felt like drinking fire; which doesn’t feel good. my dad was really happy, my mom overwhelmed by all the love and my brother annoyed coz his phone died halfthrough a ‘really important match’. i laughed. when we drove back to the motel mommy fell asleep and i felt some kind of peace and good silence in my head, watching the sky that was dark blue above us and orange near the horizont, stretching the dark parts wider with each second passing. there weren’t many cars and only a few trees around. the radio played some old love song and i felt my heart aching, so much that i cried a bit. home seemed way too far away. everyone was really tired when entering the dining room at ten pm. we were afraid that, after foodtime was over for more than some hours already, we wouldn’t find any food anymore. but still, many people were drinking and having a good time. my brother and i searched for a place to sit while my parents searched for tryah or some other employee that could tell them what to pay, since the blue eyed demon told us to do it later. tho i wasn’t sure how they planned on doing the communication. ten seconds after we sat down, someone came to take our order. i was too focused on my menu, when my brother hit me with his foot underneath the table to signal me that it was my part to order. i didn`t even notice my parents coming back to us. when i looked up, i was killed by blue eyes. he was like an angel, and that angel looked at me. not nice tho. pretty mean actually. he opened his lips a bit and his breath started going faster. i couldn’t think and said the most random and classy thing i could find in my head: ,,Pommes’‘. After saying that and his ears turning red i wanted to die. dumb dumb answer ty. my mom laughed. pommes was something she understood. ,,Oh tyty’‘, was everything she could add. my goose was so cooked. trying to save me, i pointed on the menu without looking and confidentally smiling, saying ,,And this one please’‘. Now he was the one showing me a small smile. bitch. i was suffering like so much. my face must have looked like a tomato. cute cute smile gosh. i should open a fanclub. ,,the snails for the sir then?’‘ i didn’t nod and he just turned around and walked away. this is when i noticed that this wasn’t a shitty motel, this was a high luxury hotel with a restaurant. he wore a white button-down shirt with a red tie and black pants. and this was when i realized how different he was compared to sava. tho i didn’t know him, he was gorgeous. just stunning, a god. breathing fire and throwing darts made of ice. he walked with grace and laughed like an innocent baby. (lol i only knew him for a few hours gods). he had no name yet and he acted so mature and lovely, passionate and polite. sava was so different. i mean, yes, both were sexy and hot as fuck. but to sava was no grace, no hard beauty. he knew which moves to make to make everyone turn crazy, while he wasn’t even aware of his whole impact. sava was focused on drugs and sex and fun, on his sports, his status and surviving. well, he always accepted me, the loner, as his friend and defended me, even fought for me. but just because i was listening, because i knew how broken and depressed he really was. he turned somewhat grey, boring and uninteresting in my head. but not enough. i still remember his demanding lips and his hands that told me he waited for too long to wait any longer. i sighed, excused myself to my angry parents telling them i was tired and ran to my room. i met a mirror in a hallway, a red one, and sighed again when seeing my ugly blue jeans and that plain black shirt tucked  into it under the belt. my vans seemed unnecessary and dirty. i needed to look better the next day. oh and the dark circles around my eyes made it worse. i ran my fingers through my hair, lost in my head, in the thoughts that continued to turn around each other in a never ending circle. when doing that, a door opened and someone crashed into me. i was the one to fall down, but just came back up to my feet, ignoring the words spoken and the hand that wanted to help me. i mumbled sorry and made my way to my room. it took me ten minutes to recognize the british accent, when laying on my cold bed under an open window which let in a cold breeze, watching the sky and thousands of stars.

chapter three end.

[shineethinks]

You tagged the pirates idea in Shinee gets the treasure! 💖💖💖

you are a treasure, darling ❤️

onew:

captain of the sky blue pearl 

wearing a large hat with a skull and crossbones that contrasts starkly with his always smiley face 

people don’t know if they should be terrified or happy to see him 

looking at the very large and detailed map that he has in his captain’s quarters and is like “yup that’s a lot of water” 

but in all honesty he knows exactly where the boat is at all times 

fishing off the plank 

has fallen off the ship multiple times when they went over a wave so sometimes ot4 fishes for him instead with a giant net (minho: another onew fish / taemin: throw it back!!!!!!) 

refuses to stop tho so they tie a rope around his waist and someone has to hold on at all times like an onew leash 

jonghyun:

insisted on getting a parrot 

it hates him and pooped on his head more than once which is not the reality he wanted 

claimed he stole it but the storekeeper saw him admire and coo at the pretty birdy with literal heart eyes so he gave it to him 

helps navigate despite his horrible internal compass bc he knows all the stars 

sleeps on a hammock on deck when it’s warm enough bc the sound of the ocean helps him sleep and if he can’t there is always that A+ view of the night sky  

billowy white shirt that he keeps open most of the time bC THAT’S WHAT PIRATES WEAR you’re just jealous minho  

key:

eye-patch 

at villages sometimes he’ll tell stories to locals and crafts an elaborate tale about the horrors of his left eye and whispers “want to see it???”

flips it up and 

he has both eyes

just has a sty 

onew: are you wearing eyeliner again / key: nO / onew: you have your eye-patch on / key: … perhaps

ridiculously good at knots and will tie ot4 to the main mast if they irk him too much (tae: *wiggles out* / key: damn you taemin) 

minho:

bought a white shirt of his own when they docked to prove jonghyun wrong (jong: well we both can’t be wearing the same shirt) 

played rock, scissor, paper to see who got to wear it

he won

haha (jong: you CHEATED / minho: the game is if you don’t draw, you lose) 

making sure everyone doesn’t get scurvy (ot4: we really don’t need to be eating 7 oranges a day / onew: i think it’s giving me heartburn)

baby gold hoop earrings

at the helm doing KING OF THE WORLD 

taemin: 

will occasionally, both randomly and violently, get v seasick 

the lookout 

jong’s parrot helps him spot land too

keeps losing his frikkin telescope 

can climb up to the crow’s nest in an impressive speed that makes key a little ill to watch (key: omg be CAREFUL srsly that boy will be the death of me, one wrong move and he’ll FALL) 

his boots were made for walking 

also not allowed to have a pistol anymore bc “if you can’t keep it in its holster taemin you’ll probably end up shooting one of us one day” 

whatever, he’s better with a sword anyway 

occasionally likes to visit the treasure room below deck and just lays on the gold like a dragon 

[omgxiaoch]

I Like You

pairing: shownu x [y/n]

genre: ultra fluff (im really bad at writing fluff sorry;u;)

word count: 2026

a/n: hey guys! i hope you guys like it and i apologize for any grammatical errors. thank you so much for requesting anon! <3

masterlist

The sky was clear, light blue painted through the horizon. Not a sign of one or two, big or small, white, fluffy clouds floating across the sky. And the wind is like nothing but calm air. Oh how you wished it was like this every single day. Waltzing your way across the room, you grabbed a hair tie from the bar counter before pulling your hair up into a messy bun.

It was not like it was out of the blue, but you started to clean up the whole house before one of your good friends comes over to hang out and catch up on the things that were left unheard. 

Your eyes wandered around the room - the floors were sparkling clean, the couch pillows were freshly changed with new covers, the dark and dull curtains were replaced with white curtains that lit up the room, and finally, the dust-free furniture that have been dusted off since early morning. 

The sun was still up and you had one more hour to prep yourself up until he arrives. Making your way up to your bathroom, you didn’t waste anytime and began to scrub all the dirt and sweat away from your body, pampering your whole body with body scrubs, body wash, fragrant shampoos and many more.

Now that your morning routine was done, you stared at two outfits that were laid on your bed. A white loose shirt paired with a light brown cardigan and a pair of grey jogger shorts or a pair of thin grey sweater paired with white shorts; which you chose the latter in the end.

Slipping your feet onto your comfy gudetama slippers, you trudged towards your kitchen and looked at your baking recipes book, looking for possible desserts that you can make for a small amount of time before the catching up and watching of movies start. After finding a possible candidate, you rummaged through your cabinets and found all the ingredients except four.

It was all the way up in the top shelves and being the munchkin that you are, even if your on your toes already, it was just too high for you too reach. Giving it another try, you were almost lifting yourself up from the floor while putting all your weight on your arms when a hand reached for the flour for you.

You turned your head to meet the owner of the hand’s gaze, only to make your cheeks heat up at the sight of your good friend, Shownu. Noticing the distance between the two of you, you immediately moved away and accepted the flour that he reached for you. “T-thanks. How’d you get it?”

Carefully laying out all the ingredients on the marbled counter, you turned to look at Shownu’s reaction. “You weren’t answering when I knocked so I got the spare key hidden under your doormat.”

“Nice, nice... Say, do you want some brownies before we start watching Boss Baby?” You asked whilst preparing the bowls and other baking utensils that you were gonna use. “Yeah, sure. I missed your brownies tho.” 

“Don’t worry, Hyunwoo, I gotchu!” You beamed while shooting finger guns at him with a wink, making him chuckle at your cuteness. “Just sit back and make yourself comfortable!” Shownu nods his head and walks over to the bar stool, his eyes focused on you.

You didn’t think twice but to start with mixing the ingredients. It wasn’t really hard for you to mix everything in just a small amount of time since you were used to baking brownies and other desserts for your friends. 

While you were busy mixing, Shownu couldn’t help but smile at how you looked so cute when you were concentrating. Your eyebrows were furrowed and you had your tongue out as you whisked the mixture with just the right amount of strength. 

Anything that you do, Shownu would always find it cute and lovable... maybe because he has liked you ever since the two of you met way back in High School. But even though he’s liked you for that long, he wasn’t able to deny the fact that he was too shy to confess to you. 

And you were just the same with him. Your heart would go crazy every time he was around or when he’s doing just one random thing. Both of you have bottled up all those feelings just because the two of you were too shy to make the first move.

Anyways, back to reality, Shownu couldn’t help but let out a chuckle when you came to him with a pout on your lips as you couldn’t twist the jar of chocolate chips open.

“Here.” Shownu softly smiles at you and hands you the jar of chocolate chips and its cover. “Thanks!” With you hurrying to the batter, sprinkling it on top of the batter and mixing it. Once you’ve finished, you plopped the greased pan filled with the brownie batter in the pre-heated oven and let it set there for twenty minutes.

“Shall I go get our mugs?” Shownu asks, lifting himself off the bar stool before walking towards the cabinets. “Yes, please!” You then return your attention back to the bowl, and other utensils that had to be washed.

You couldn’t help but trail your eyes towards Shownu’s body, his arms stretched, allowing his shirt to hike up. You couldn’t help but widen your eyes when you saw his happy trail, making you fangirl on the inside with your head hang down to cover the fact that you were blushing madly.

The sound of glass wear meeting the marbled floor got you to look up and meet Shownu’s gaze. “You can grab any drink that you want in the fridge.” Nodding his head in response, he opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of coke, making you burst out laughing.

“What?”

Shaking your head, you just continued washing the dishes. Wiping off the excess water, you carefully placed everything on the rack and glanced towards Shownu’s direction before leading him back to the living room with both your mugs on your hands while a bottle of coke and milk in his. 

“So, how’s life, Hyunwoo?” You casually asked as you felt his skin graze with yours when you both placed the mugs and bottles down on the coffee table. It felt like electric spark ran down your spine, startling you for a second. 

Shownu sits down on the couch with his arms rested at the backrest, watching you grab the remote and sit back, not minding his arm resting behind your neck. “Life’s been alright.” He mutters as he tries to calm down his beating heart when he felt you scoot a little bit closer to him.

“Oh, c’mon Hyunwoo, don’t you have any juicy news that I’ve practically missed while I was away?” 

I can’t tell you how much I kept thinking about you when you were away, Shownu shakes his head and quickly grabs the remote away from you, choosing the Boss Baby since you were too slow.

“How about you, [y/n]? Don’t you have anything juicy to tell me when you were away?” Shownu emphasizes the word juicy, only to have you laughing at him. “Life’s been alright too.” You copied, making him poke you on the sides with a pout.

“I’m just kidding! I just recently got a job at Seoul National University Hospital.” You softly muttered as you leaned on his arm, making Shownu feel thousands of butterflies in his tummy.

“That’s great to hear, [y/n]! So, can I say that I can have you as my doctor?” 

You can even have me as your wife, you thought while you nodded at his question. “Well, if ever you get sick or hurt, just call me.” You gave him a wink as you slowly transferred your attention to the movie playing right before you.

The room was filled with nothing but the sound of the character’s from the movie talking. Glancing up at the clock, you excused yourself by placing a hand on Shownu’s thighs before heading to the kitchen to check on the brownies, which was perfectly done by the minute you came.

By the minute that you left, Shownu had this gut feeling telling him to just freaking confess already but it felt like it wasn’t the right time. With you waddling in the living room with the brownies in your hand, you excitedly placed it right in front of the two of you before slicing up a piece, placing it on a napkin and giving it to Shownu. Well, it was more like you feeding him the brownie.

“Woah, it’s still heavenly good!” He beams with a smile as you brought down your hand from his mouth. “I’m glad to hear that.” You smiled and unconsciously leaned back to his chest, making you frantically move away but only to be stopped by Shownu who had his arm completely wrapped around your shoulder.

“I’m so sorry!” you squeaked. “It’s okay, I like it when you’re close to me.” Shownu blurts out, only to end up with the two of you blushing and letting out a laugh. “Aye~” you teased while poking his cheek as you now leaned back to his chest. 

Chuckling at your actions, Shownu couldn’t help but stare at your eyes. You were also staring back at him but there was something that got the two of you to lock eyes for a couple of minute before inching closer and closer until both of your lips touched.

Both of your eyes fluttered close as the two of you shared a deep, yet meaningful kiss. Your hands instinctively wrapped themselves around Shownu’s neck. You drew yourself closer to bathe in his wondrous heat and energy. The kiss was soft and full of passion that you could just imagine yourself kissing this plump, and luscious lips all the time.

Pulling away after a minute or two, the two of you looked into each other’s eyes with a tint of pink dusted on top of your cheeks. Both of your bodies were heating up at the sudden intimacy but you didn’t feel awkward about it.

Shownu takes a deep breath and confessed, “I like you alot, [y/n].... ever since we were still in high school. My heart was already beating for you by the minute I laid my eyes on those beautiful eyes of yours.”

“Really?” your eyes lit up, you finally saw hope between the two od you. Before, you thought that it was impossible for you to have someone like Shownu in your life, especially when he’s out of your league. 

“Yeah. I was just too shy to confess my feelings to you since... I thought that you only saw me as a brother but.. when all these little things happening between us today made me just you know.. gather all this courage to have my lips pressed against those soft lips of yours that I’ve been wishing to kiss throughout these years.”

Pouting at you, you slightly gave his chest a smack, “Dummy! Why would I see you as my brother? You know, I also like you a lot ever since High School too. But then, I’m glad that this happened.” You shy smiled.

“You like me too?” 

“If I didn’t like you back, would I do this?” You didn’t think twice but to give him a quick peck on the lips, catching him off-guard. As soon as you pulled away, Shownu couldn’t help but blush and smile at the same time.

Shyly scratching the back of his head, Shownu looks at you in the eyes and asks, “I don’t know how to say this but... will you be my girlfriend?”

“I would love to!” 

Wrapping his arms around you, Shownu pulls you into a tight hug before placing a kiss on your forehead. “So, do you want to continue watch this movie or do you want to....” Shownu pauses for a while before giggling, “continue that kiss awhile ago?”

“Hyunwoo!” You laughed, only to receive a look from Shownu. “So?” 

“I would like to continue the kiss awhile ago...” 

[sugaspet]

Get to know me tag

Tagged by this cutie- @yeolology 😘 Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!! 1: Are you named after someone? 
I honestly don't think so
2: When is the last time you cried?
Hmm a few nights ago I think life's stressful rn
3: Do you like your handwriting? Sometimes when I try lol
4: What is your favorite lunch meat?
Salami or deer bologna 
5: Do you have kids?
I mean I have 2 fur babies
6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Probably I mean my sister and I are a lot alike and she's my bestfriend
7: Do you use sarcasm? 
All the time
8: Do you still have your tonsils? Mhm
9: Would you bungee jump?
I can't even ride rides that go a little off the ground I'm so scared of heights so no lol
10: What is your favorite kind of cereal?
Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Cheros maybe I don't eat much cereal 
11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? 
Nope I don't even tie them when I put them on lol
12: Do you thing you’re a strong person? 
Mostly 
13: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
I really love vanilla bean or tea Berry
14: What is the first thing you notice about people?
 Eyes, smile, and how clean they look tbh
15: Red or pink?
Red 
16: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself?
My nose or my tummy 
17: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now?
Black shorts on rn lol
18: What was the last thing you ate?
Does gum count lol if not ice cream
19: What are you listening to right now? Ringa Linga-Taeyang
20: If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
A sky blue or a bright red
21: Favorite smell?
Mint or laundry or or Fresh cut grass
22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
My Gram
23: Favorite sport to watch?
Wrestling I don't watch much tv but I use to love wrestling
24: Hair color?
Brown/Dirty blonde
25: Eye color?
My eyes change from blue to green and the time of the day they get brighter or darker
26: Do you wear contacts?
No but I have colored contacts
27: Favorite food to eat?
I love Soup or like anything with noodles. Tbh I just love food lo
28: Scary movies or comedy?
I love horror movies but I'm good with both
29: Last movie you watched?
Jackass with my dad 
30: What color of shirt are you wearing?
well you see here I'm not wearing one lol my bras purple tho
31: Summer or winter?
Both I love the cold but I like being outside
32: Hugs or kisses?
why not both
33: What book are you currently reading?
I haven't read an actual book since I graduated so almost 3 years but i read a lot of fics lol
34: Who do you miss right now?
My friend Christiana! But also my sister/dad but I always miss them lol
35: What is on your mouse pad?
I don't gotta computer 👌
36: What is the last TV program you watched?
No clue don't watch tv much I'm always on YouTube 
37: What is the best sound?
Music? Lol
38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? Beatles 👌
39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled?
I went to South Carolina for Vacation a few years ago
40: Do you have a special talent?
Talent of good comebacks lol
41: Where were you born? 
In my town hospital I think
42: People you expect to participate in this survey? Who ever wants to I guess lol Tagging: @jacksons-smile @kimlovesc-k-c-j-and-j-h @jinssmile @whatsjungkooking @jungkookfortunekookies @sugakookiefactory @bubbl3tae @swervingkpoptrashcan @i-dream-of-joonie @igotsinning

[bajancopywritingunicorn-blog]

Top Ten Bajan Christmas Gifts 2017

I know you’ve been sitting on the edge of your seat and I’m sure you’re gonna love the gifts on this year’s list of Bajan products. Sure, you could buy anything that’s imported but there’s something so special about getting a gift that was made right here in Barbados. Let’s get right into it then.

10. Sophisticated Centrepiece - Jalans Creations - One of the most important parts of the Christmas celebration in Barbados and around the world is having Christmas lunch with the family. Perhaps one of the most underestimated but memorable elements of this feast is the centrepiece, so why not give the gift of decor this Christmas? Whether you have a complete tablescape planned or you prefer the minimalist approach, your centrepiece will be a focal point at the dinner table. Before I go any further, you need to know that Bajans are veryyy crtitical. They will have no problem telling people that your table “had look pop down” or “stink”. Five years from now I guarantee they will still be talking about it. That’s why I was so relieved to stumble upon this Blue Bouquet by Lana Nurse, founder of Jalan’s Creations. I kind of wish I could have one in every room. It makes me feel like I was spirited away to a fairytale sprinkled with magic dust. Just gorgeous! If you want one you better hurry though because Lana tells me you have til December 21st to place your order.

9. Vegan Cork Bags - Ole Luck - Guys, cork bags are a thing now and they look so cool. I have to admit, this was the first time I ever heard of Vegan bags. Accessories can be vegan now? I couldn’t help but wonder how they taste. Now before we start chowing down, I want you to rest assured that buying a woman a bag for Christmas is always a good idea. Still, what makes these bags so special are the fact that they’re environmentally responsible. No harmful plastics and for the animal lovers among us, no leather. Don’t ask me how, but a guy by the name of Andy makes all these gorgeous bags by hand. If you’re feeling really patriotic, you can get a wristlet with 246 or the broken trident on it, but I fell in love with the Wayuu purse. The Wayuu are indigenous people living in Colombia and Northwest Venezuela, described as the people of the sun, sand and wind. Wayuu women make a specific type of woven bag with unique vibrant patterns reflected in the sash on these Ole Luck beauties. Fun fact: The Wayuu language, which is called Wayuuniki, is part of the Arawak family.

8. Crocheted Bikini - Chain Loops Crochet - My gawd! What can I say about this talented diva? Owner Jessica Martindale creates customized fashion and soft home furnishings, while crocheting her way into your heart. Now the first time I saw her crocheted bikinis I knew I had to have one of her pieces. I ordered two. Forget your grandmother’s doilies. Jessica designs one-of-a-kind crocheted jumpers, skirts, dresses, chic baby blankets, earrings and even slippers. Yes, you heard me. She crochets frikkin slippers. But back to this sexy bikini tho. I’m not even telling you to buy this for someone else. This thing will make your life ten times sexier. You worked hard all year so you best believe you deserve it. Yasss!

7. Gold glitter Barbados Throw Pillow - ChicFit Inc - This cute little cushion stopped me right in my tracks. This ain't no run-of-the-mill throw pillow. You can decorate any space with it, no matter the colour scheme. Classy level 1000! Listen to me. ChicFit is not messing around. They put a dang Barbados map on a black pillow and glitterized it in gold. What the what?! This throw cushion will change your life so you're welcome. Just gaze upon its glory. Also, can I just say how much I love ChicFit's logo? It speaks to me. It says “I love yoga times infinity”... or someting* so.

6. Deck The Halls - Classy Raggs Interiors - You have no idea what this means but you will. The brainchild of Ana Gill, Classy Raggs will leave you in stitches. If you’ve ever imagined what a home makeover should look like, then Ana should have her own TV show. Her work is phenomenal. She creates bespoke furniture, soft furnishings, you name it, she can bring your dream to life. Just look at what she did to this yacht! Yachtastic!

5. Smell My Nuts - West Indian Soap Co. - Not to be left out of the game, there’s definitely something for the guys too. As gross as it sounds, this was one of the most hilarious Christmas gifts I’ve stumbled upon thus far. There’s Man Soap, Man Wash and Man Lotion. Your man does not need another tie. Stop it. He wants you to get creative and think outside the box. Get him a gift that’s both playful and practical. Go ahead!  Smell deez nuts... coconuts, that is ;)

4. A Pinterest Box - HomeMade Luxe - If you’re heavily into DIY and crafting or you’re all thumbs like me and need detailed instructions to make anything, then this is the gift for you or someone you know. Former Barbados athlete Keitha Moseley-Dendy, The Bajan Texan, as she calls herself, started this business from a simple idea to bring Pinterest into real life. Stop pinning and start crafting, folks. Take all those cute projects you love online and decorate every room in your house with them. Brilliant idea! One might wonder where the mother of twin girls could possibly find the time but she spent many nights on her living room floor packing hundreds of boxes to keep her customers happy. That type of sweat equity deserves some kind of award. Now that HomeMade Luxe is finally available in Barbados, don’t lag!* In minutes you can have the sexiest pinned projects in your home. This month’s box is a Starburst Mirror. Who doesn’t love a gift that is both fun and functional? Shoot, you could even get some friends together and throw a Pinning Party.

3. Pillowgrams - Simmone Thorpe started thinking the other day about how wasteful cards are. To be honest, I never really know what to do after I read a card someone has given me. It’s so pretty I can’t bear to throw it away but I can’t really hang it up either so it invariably gets shoved down in a drawer somewhere, only to be found months later. You can’t enjoy the beauty of a greeting card from inside a drawer. Simmone wanted to find a way to make the memory last in a way that’s visible and functional. That’s how the Say it With a Pillowgram message pillow was born. This gift can be cute, funny, inspirational, sentimental, you can even add a photo of you and your loved one to create a wonderful keepsake. Pelt* a few of these customizable throw pillows into the mix to enhance your decor. Ladies, don’t we always try to stop at two and end up buying six?

2. Galaxy Eyeshadow - Fenty Beauty - This one was tough, I put this at the top of my personal Christmas Gift List because Rihanna. Seriously, though, what girl on earth doesn’t want eyeshadow that shines like diamonds and reflects all the colours of the milky way? I want my face to sparkle like the night sky too. Basically giving any gift from the Fenty Beauty line would make any woman in the world scream, from Match Stix to lip gloss to Trophy Wife highlighter. I’m dreaming of a glitter eyeshadow Christmas.

1. But First... Prosecco - West Indian Soap Co. - Start clutching your pearls ladies because this next gift will change your life. You know that moment when you never thought something was even possible and then all of a sudden Jesus and the whole universe answered your silent, unspoken prayers? This is basically what the But First Prosecco line of decadence is all about. Drowning your sorrows takes on a whole new meaning when you can literally bathe in your favourite sparkling wine. Cleopatra bathed in milk so the mere thought of bathing in Prosecco and smelling like it just tickles me pink. I can’t wait to be drenched in Prosecco.

Stay tuned for full features of some of these wonderful Bajan businesses. Big shoutout to the members of Women Making Money Work ladies networking group.

Bonus* 

Bajan Glossary

If you’re not a Bajan here’s a key to the terms you need to know.

Had look pop down/ had look stink: This means that whatever you were talking about looked terrible, not just bad. Basically pop down and stink are interchangeable.

Someting: This means something. Someting so: This means something along those lines.

Don’t lag: This means don’t get caught napping/ don’t delay.

Pelt: This means throw, but forcefully.