hi!! 🩷 i've been playing skyrim so much just for comfort and all i can think of is former mercenary könig who now has a farm and a huge house where you have a personal library and a garden and an alchemy table because you're his pretty mage wife <3
or könig who's still a mercenary, this huge scary nord who always has war paint all over his face even with a hood on, only uses two-handed weapons etc. and you're possibly just a mage who needs to explore a bunch of ruins so you have to spend most of your money to hire him and all of your courage to even talk to him about the job in the first place.
SHUT UP I LOVE SKYRIM
Ugh he def proposed to you under the auroras or when you were enjoying a rest at some secret grotto. Held an awkward “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” speech right after you emerged from a stream with nothing on (König stole a glance or two from the banks after promising he wouldn’t look, the big pervert)
He’ll carry anything you give him, and loves it when you make him a homecooked meal <3 Poses as a rough Nord but is always happy to arrive home after adventuring, sleep and fuck you on a cozy comfy bed that has a soft straw mattress with some mountain flowers tucked in it.
Is a bit skeptical about your magic and potions tho, König never understood those things and you dabbling with them makes him think you’re some sort of witch, soon luring him into a trap with your enchanting eyes :/ That’s why it took months before he finally threw caution to the wind and rutted you in the hot springs near Kynesgrove...
He just couldn’t take it anymore, his flirty little mage being such a tease :( Do you even know how many times he had to fap himself to sleep under the furs? ...While you slept soundly not a few feet away, unsuspecting and sweet? Always walked ahead of him so that he had a hard time keeping an eye for the bandits because your ass was swaying right there under his nose >:(
Paws itching to touch you, he especially hated when you sought out a tavern and started to chat with townsfolk or flirt with men to hear rumours. Either cheeky or far too innocent to be travelling with someone like him, you proposed that you pay for single room only and sleep in the same bed to save costs.
Sometimes snuggling closer for some body heat, you didn't get intimidated by the obvious boner soon swelling between you. You even dared to comment on how hairy he was, and fell asleep with a soft smile on your face, pressed snug against his chest. In the morning, you cupped his ass and he had to get a little gruff, warn you that he’ll fuck you until the bed breaks if you’re not careful (that finally got you to your senses, but only for a few days)
He always wanted to build you a proper house, a manor even, steal you away from all the diplomatic nonsense and dangers, he even put some coin to the side so he could someday offer you a safe, happy life away from all this. You could have your own chickens and leeks, he could make you a little alchemy lab too, you’d look so cute perched on some bench with your nose in a book <3 So imagine how his heart soared when you whispered 'yes' to his proposal, König was sure you’d just vaguely tease him about it as per usual!
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Guilds ranked by how much internal fucking is going on
10. Dawnguard: none of these people are fucking each other because Isran is weirdly up in everyone's business.
9. Dark Brotherhood: The only ones getting any action are Astrid and Arnbjorn and only because they're married
8. Theives Guild: surprisingly not a lot of sex going on in the sewers of Riften. The members DO fuck, just not each other
7. Companions: I debated where to put them but I feel like the younger ones (Athis, Torvar, Ria, Njada) are definitely all over each other
6. Imperial Legion: analog to the roman legion so you KNOW there's a ton of gay shit going on in there
5. Bards College: like the thieves guild they mostly fuck people outside the college but there is a lot of shit going down in the dorms
4. Stormcloaks: I feel like there's some weird eugenics shit going on with them
3. Volkihar clan: duh
2. Thalmor: definitely some weird eugenics shit going on with them
1. College of Winterhold: these wizards are fucking each other like you wouldn't believe
Purposely left off the blades and the greybeards because ew
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i still can't figure out whether i find drawing plants relaxing or exhausting...maybe a bit of both
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