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#snark tales of the elvenking
wineandthrandy · 5 months
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lee-pace-yourself · 2 years
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Ch. 1 - The Party's Just Beginning. - "Bard. You get one sip as Dorwinion wine will knock you on your ass."
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"But I want more King Thranduil. I am the captain of the archers. Strong and resilient like my beautiful bow."
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"I am sure you are. But....."
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"But...pleeeease?" Bard says with puppy eyes. Thranduil hates puppy eyes and gives in.
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"Bard no. Do not do it. You will feel weird tingling in your fingers and see little hobbit folk." Legolas warns.
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Bard does not heed the Prince's warning and takes another sip. "My Lord Thranduil. Look. I am dancing with a hobbit named Bilbo." Thranduil laughs as there is no one there and feels quite embarrassed.
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Gandalf watched the madness before his eyes and decided he wanted some madness too. "Thranduil, this is madness! Why have you not offered me any of this magical fruity liquid?"
""If you even breathe it, it will stop your ticker where you stand. You can clearly see what it has done to the young bowman." Thranduil replied.
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"With that said..." The Elvenking continued to Gandalf the Grey.
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It then appeared that the King of Mirkwood also had a bit too much magical juice. "Look what it has done to you as well Thranduil." Gandalf chuckled.
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Gandalf snuck a glass as the King turned away after his bickering. Thranduil was right. The smell alone made the wizard all up in his feels and could not even drink it.
Thranduil saw what he did and was pissed.
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He took Gandalf's glass and said...."You started this Mithrandir, you will forgive me if I finish it..."
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and then the three drunken musketeers all went outside and just stared at the world while Gandalf babbled. The end...
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I WAS BORED OK??? lol.
More snark-tales coming on my new blog Snark-tales of the Elvenking come follow!!
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Thranduil and Josie Part 63- Whispers of Fairy Tale Magic
Summary: Bard runs into the elven guard taking Garrett to lockup and has a confrontation with the cocky vampire. Seems there is bad "blood" between them for other reasons than the present ones. Feren intervenes. The King made a boo boo. Dungeon disaster soon entails. Garrett provokes the Elvenking. Temporary return to the halls for the King and the Prince. Thrandyman uses his magic. Thranduil and Bard have a mutual hatred for vampires and share a drink over it. Josie gets in the cabin and finds many odd things. A dream reveals a bombshell. Thransie's magic ignites. Thranduil, Legolas and Bard go after the beauty Queen...
Garrett:
The vampire was yanked and jerked around by Thranduil's elven guard all the way into the halls and Garrett just smirked the entire time as if he were playing a game. After all...Thranduil and he were playing tag and it was now the cold one's turn to be it again. Feren didn't like his constant grin and the fact that he seemed a little too confident for a vampire with dead man's poison in him. Garrett knew Thranduil had missed something vital as his mind was too consumed with finding you, otherwise the very wise elf Lord would have never made such a mistake. You were his one and only weakness. His achilles heel per se.
Bard came out of the infirmary and saw the guard bringing Garrett in. He stormed right over to him and drew his bow. "Why is he here!" Bard had no idea the guard had captured him.
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Bard baw! (No) Feren snapped. "The King wants him alive." Bard slowly but reluctantly lowered his weapon.
"It's your lucky day it seems Garrett as I was about to put this in your heart." Bard snarked as he glanced at the iron tipped arrow. "Although it won't be so lucky when King Thranduil returns. If he has brought you here, then it can mean nothing good for you. I smell dungeon and torture in your future. Well deserved. You killed one of my men today, destroyed my barge and supplies, and hurt a dear friend of mine!" Bard death glared the smirking vampire.
"Correction. Lightning destroyed your boat, not I." he chuckled.
"You created that storm with your wicked magic. You are responsible for all of it. You really screwed up going after the Elvenking's wife. I hope he will allow me to watch the wrath he unleashes upon you. I will take great satisfaction in your torture. Maybe he will let me assist as well to avenge what you have taken from me."
"I would watch your words bowman. I know where you live and I know what you love. Do I really have to prove that to you all over again?" Bard raged and charged at him but Feren and 2 other guards held him back.
"Bard! Do not listen to his words. They are useless as he will be trapped behind iron bars in just a few moments." Feren assured him in hopes to calm Bard down as Feren knew what Garrett spoke of.
"Feren...watch your backs. He's a bit too cocky and sure of himself for knowing the torture that awaits him. I am going to take a boat and head back down Forest River to see if there is any of the shipment I can salvage for the King." They bowed to each other as Bard left. Garrett puckered his lips and made a kissing sound to him. Bard scowled and walked out.
Down the winding stone stairs the guards and Garrett went. He walked down them like a strutting cat on the prowl for his female. They walked him up the path to a cell.
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"Take your pick filth." An elven guard snarled and shoved Garrett against the iron door. Smoke came off of his hands as he let out a painful cry. His lips crunched together, his nose flared and his eyes turned dark red as he stared at his shaking burnt hands. The guard came up beside him and laughed. "Get used to it. That was nothing of the hell you will soon face." Garrett slowly turned his head to the elf with an insatiable flickering glow coming from his eyes and smiled, then looked back at his hands causing the elf to do the same. The burns dissolved right before their eyes. "What the..." is all the elf could say as the next thing he knew, the ropes on Garrett's wrists snapped right off and he grabbed ahold of the guard's neck with his teeth leaving a nice hefty venomous bite. He then pulled the stunned elf in front of his body. It all happened so fast that Feren and the others could not react in time. They all drew their bows and Feren his sword. Garrett now had his power back, but how? The how was the thing that Thranduil didn't think of to do. Take the emerald pendant from Garrett that was now glowing bright green.
"Who's next?" Garrett proudly asked as he wiped the blood from his lips and splattered it onto the floor with a jerk of his hand.
"Impossible! You have dead man's blood in you." Feren proclaimed with wide eyes.
"Had. You see, this little trinket right here healed me right up as it is supposed to do, just as it did Haldir before he died." Garrett grinned as he held the elf by his neck and lifted the necklace out from his shirt with his other hand dangling it in front of his astonished eyes. "If you shoot me again, I will just heal again. You cannot kill me. Why do you think I have wanted this back? It is of vampire origin with a power like no other pendant." he said as he gawked at it in fascination, then he placed it back inside his shirt.
"It cannot heal a severed head." Feren reeled as he swayed his sword but the vampire King was not intimidated one bit. He pinned the petrified elf up against the wall by his neck and taunted him as well as the others. "Garrett!" Feren shouted causing him to look at him. "If you kill one of us, the King will have your head just like he did Kate's."
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"What part of...Your King is insignificant to me....do you not understand? I have power over the sweet Josephine. My blood flows through her like a raging river. If I die...she will die along with his child. Princess Thranduil knows this which is why he chose to lock me up for torture instead. Now if you don't mind...as awful as this is going to taste, I'm done screwing around and I think your beauty King needs a lesson on not to fuck with me." Garrett threw the screaming elf to the ground and ripped his throat out.
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He then jumped up to the next story of the dungeon's pathways and sped off before the elven guard could even react. Garrett found his way outside and stopped at the river as he looked at his surroundings. He turned to the north with a smile. "Josephine my love. I feel you. I will be there shortly." He ran like a flash of light and abruptly halted at the forest's border, then turned to look back at the halls with a crooked grin. "Thranduil....tag. You're it."
Thranduil and Legolas
Thranduil stopped dead in his tracks as he heard Garrett's incite.
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"Adar...what has happened?" Legolas quickly asked. As his son inquired, Feren was informing the King of what had occurred. Thranduil raged as the horns from the halls could be heard from where they were.
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Off he stormed as Legolas followed while hearing all of his father's vicious thoughts. They had no luck in picking up a trail for you after finding your hair and some boat wreckage in the north end of Forest River. Legolas had to threaten force against his father to get him to go back, just as it had to be done in the ocean and also when he, Haldir and Tauriel had to do it in the dark caves when they believed you had perished. Thranduil did not want to fight his son so he gave in. For now. He would never give up looking for you. Legolas was hurting inside over you as well but he hid those feelings from the King or a fight might just actually entail. Legolas was doing his damnedest to force his lingering feelings away but it just was not working, especially now as he was worried sick about you. He felt incredibly guilty for all the grief he had given Haldir for desiring another's wife when he was in fact doing the same thing. And far more worse it was as the one he now loved is his father's wife. He stuffed it all down as he knew it would never be........
They entered through the wine cellar and made their way to the dungeons where Garrett's hostility took place. Thranduil stayed above and spoke with Feren as Legolas assisted the elves with removal of the deceased elf guard below.
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Thranduil soon realized it was his own fault for not taking the pendant from Garrett right after he was shot and bound. He had seen it on his neck but it didn't even occur to him to remove it as he was not in his right mind after finding the barge in bits and no traces of you except for some of your hair on a rock. He was so worried after Garrett told him he made you drink his blood again, and much much more of it this time. You had been so close to him just before that. Almost within reach until the wretched parasite interfered again. Thranduil felt as if he were going to explode so he went out to the gardens with his wine. Not knowing where you were was eating him alive.
He sat by a small stream in his gardens and traced his finger that bore his moonstone in a swirling motion on the water's surface. And then he set forth his magic. "Long after the firefly disappeared, the trail of it's light remained inside of me, it's pale faint glow hovering on and on in the thick darkness behind my eyelids like a lost soul. More than once I tried stretching my hand out in the dark. My fingers touched nothing. The faint glow remained just beyond my grasp. Flame of fire, flame of light. Bring to me now the second sight. Bless me and help me see, the answers that are meant for me."
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The King's moonstone lit up and light whispers filled the air as many fireflies surrounded his mystical charm. "Gwil-. Tul- hen faer na nin. Nin Josephine, hen emel dab- nin na see." (Fly. Bring her soul to me. My Josephine, her heart allow me to see.)  Off they shimmied through the air as if they knew exactly which direction to go. Thranduil then went back inside to down some Dorwinion wine that Bard had salvaged from the river. The King was patient and could wait for anything...but not when it came to you.
On his way inside, he came across Bard bringing in the last remnants of salvageable supplies he had found from the barge's destruction. "I am sorry about the loss of your barge and the majority of the shipment. No fault will be held against you. You may make use of our boats in the meantime for transport."
"I thank you King Thranduil for your generosity. I am also sorry about your los....I mean, I pray that you will find your wife safe and sound. I wish I could have done something to protect her. The blood sucker...he just came out of nowhere...so fast." Bard said as he looked down in shame.
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"I also hold you at no fault for that as well. I know my Josephine is alive. I can feel her. I will find her as I am awaiting confirmation on her whereabouts. Feren has told me you had your own encounter with Garrett today. I am sure you are aware of his escape. Come...join me for a glass of wine. It seems we could both use one."
Bard complied and followed the elf Lord to an outdoor patio close to the gardens. "Yes and he has killed one of your guard I am told."
"Yes and for that he shall also pay. As you can see, the Kingdom is now surrounded and more of the guard is out hunting him."
"I would love to be out hunting the leech myself." Bard said with a scowl.
"I can understand that. I know of what his kind has done to your family. I can arrange it so that you may indeed watch or even assist in his torture as you had told him you would do." Bard stared at the King and he at him. Feren must have told Thranduil what he said to Garrett.
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Thranduil also knew exactly why Bard wanted the dead one truly dead, for his coven is responsible for the deaths of his wife and 2 daughters, among many others in a mass slaughter that occurred a few years ago in Laketown.
The King pulled out your moonstone necklace and gazed at it with pain in his eyes as he understood Bard's suffering and longing to avenge his family's deaths. He laid the gem on the table and poured them each a glass of wine....and then a few more after that.
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You stood on this porch staring at the door that no one answered and slowly reached for the handle hoping it was unlocked...but it was not. You then scoured all around looking for a hidden key but had no luck with that either. Around the back of the cabin you went. There was a back door and a cellar door which had a chain and a lock through the handles. Up to the back door you went and it was also locked. You grunted loudly. "Damn it!" Then you decided fuck it and broke out a panel of glass. You reached inside and unlocked it, then slowly opened the creaking door. "Hello?? Is anyone here? I..I am sorry about the window, I just really need some help." No one answered so you then went all the way in and closed the door which caused the rest of the glass to fall out which made you jump and scream. You were in a kitchen...a very familiar one. You immediately went to look for food and water. Jackpot, you thought as you opened a cupboard to find many canned foods, then you found a manual can opener and silverware. You quickly opened a can of baked beans and began devouring it then looked around some more and found bottled water. There was so much food yet the place was filled with dust and cobwebs as if no one had been there in months.
You found the bedrooms hoping to find clothing as your dress was a torn, dirty and bloodied mess which then reminded you of how your head hurt. There were 2 bedrooms and one had nothing in it except a bottle of cologne. Out of curiosity, you opened it and smelled it. You made a stink face as you knew you had smelled this before and you didn't get a good feeling with it. Into the other bedroom you went and you couldn't believe your eyes. The closet was filled with women's dresses and shoes. Ugly high heel shoes. The dresses were a perfect fit. How odd you thought and took one out. You grabbed a bottle of water and went into the bathroom to clean yourself up. You got horrible chills all over as you entered it. It was windowless, making it very dark. You went in search of a lantern which you found a few in the living room and a large pack of matches. After lighting it, you got cleaned up and dressed then went back into the bedroom to see what else was in there. Books. There were many books by the bed. Fantasy novels and such which intrigued you so you sat on the bed and looked through them. One caught your fancy.
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You opened it up and inside there was handwriting. Your handwriting. How????
He was her dark fairytale and she was his twisted fantasy and together they made magic.
You then flipped through it and got to the back cover where there was more writing.
Cinderella. Proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life. And Peter is about to find out.
For some reason it made you glance over at all those ugly shoes in the closet. Then you looked up at the single window. You went to it and looked out. In doing so, it was a total deja vu moment. You laid down on the bed and began reading the book but then kept falling asleep so you gave in....and began to dream. A man's hand was reaching for you and a beautiful sweet voice you recognized spoke to you. "Josephine. My love. Come back to me. Follow the path lit by the light from the dreams you dream tonight." For some reason you could not turn around to look at him although you tried so hard because the voice spoke to your soul as if it were a part of it. Something would not let you.
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Another voice then spoke. A sinister one. "Josephine. I am coming for you. You share my blood. I can see her now." All of a sudden, you saw a vision that you know you've seen before. One with a little blonde girl running in the forest. But this time, there were 2 little girls....
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You gasped awake. "Leean!!!" you cried and grabbed your stomach. You didn't know what was happening. You threw on a cloak and ran outside for air as you started to aspirate. It was dark out now. You must have slept for hours. You began hearing whispers and turned to see a pathway lit up by fireflies.
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Is this what the loving voice meant? You slowly walked through it. The whispers were getting louder but you couldn't understand them. You sat down for a moment to listen to them. They began to swarm around you and one landed on your fingers. You heard the angelic voice of that man in a whisper. "Josephine. More than nin own cuil."
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You knew what it meant somehow. More than my own life, you whispered back to it with wide eyes. You gasped and stood up. 'Thranduil!"
Thranduil was pouring his umpteenth glass of wine and ended up spilling it in shock of what he just saw. Your moonstone necklace he had laid on the table was glowing like starlight. Bard came to look in astonishment.
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"Josephine...." Thranduil whispered as he stretched his fingers down to touch it. As soon as he did, he heard your voice in his mind. "More than my own life." He jerked his hand back with a gasp. "How is this possible? She is not wearing it."
"My Lord...maybe it is not needed to be worn after all. The magic you both share is quite powerful and has grown along with your love for each other. Magic comes from what is inside you. You can't weave together a spell you don't believe in. The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all and then stands back to see if we can find them." Thranduil gazed at Bard in awe of such words.
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Bard smiled. "It is something my wife told me. I have never forgotten it."
Just then Legolas came running in. "Adar...come quick. You must see this." the Prince said with great enthusiasm. Thranduil and the bowman quickly followed him out to the gardens.
Thranduil could not believe his eyes, nor could Bard. Fireflies were everywhere, consuming the entire pond and lighting up the darkness. "They are like shooting stars...." The King whispered. "They know where she is. Legolas, we must go now."
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"King Thranduil...would you care for extra assistance? I would love to help."
"Yes. It will be much appreciated and needed."
Legolas stood and stared up at the sky while he waited on his father and Bard to return with Moose and a horse for the bowman. "Hold on my Lady. We are coming."
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Coming up- Is Thransie's fairy tale at the end?
@redeemer46 @mirkwoodwarrior @tigereyesf
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wineandthrandy · 2 years
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🤣🤣🤣
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wineandthrandy · 5 months
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🤣🤣🤣
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wineandthrandy · 6 months
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Happy Halloween 🎃👻
The vampire Thranduil loves his wine 🍷🎭🎩⚰️🪦
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Created by @candielee
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wineandthrandy · 10 months
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🤣🤣🤣 who did this
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wineandthrandy · 1 year
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🥂🍻🍷🍷🍷🍾
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wineandthrandy · 1 year
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wineandthrandy · 2 years
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wineandthrandy · 3 months
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🤣🤣🤣🕷🕸🍰🍷🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧🥧
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wineandthrandy · 1 year
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Haha... it's thirsty Thursday and Thrandy's thirsty!!🍷
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wineandthrandy · 1 year
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Omg these. I cannot stop laughing. Had to share. How correct are they🤣🤣 even the spiders know it!
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wineandthrandy · 1 year
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Idk why I'm laughing so hard at this.... I'm in Dale and my elk is dead🤣
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wineandthrandy · 9 months
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My stomach hurts from laughing😂😂😂🧀
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wineandthrandy · 1 year
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Lembas anyone? Leggy and Thrandy are working really hard on it 😅
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