#snk vampire au

[kayliraine]

༉‧₊˚🕯️🖤🦇༉‧₊˚.

—

[marsh-idiot]

Vampire! Levi Ackerman

cw: vampires, kídnapping, slightly possessive levi, slight drúgging. Levi is Mikasa's caretaker, ackermans are vampires. wc: 5,024

pt. 2

Paradis, a small English speaking town in the middle of nowhere Germany. It rarely gets many visitors– and those that it gets don’t stay for very long. The close knit town knows everything about everyone there, to some of the residents' dismay. The town consisted of old gothic style houses, a small church at one edge of town and a fountain in the exact middle with a statue of a woman holding a pot that poured water every moment of every day. 

At the other edge of town sat a beautifully elegant gothic house, vines and moss had grown up the sides over time. Stained glass windows with iron bars over the outside of each one– was it to keep things out or in, no one knows. The house had been there for as long as anyone in the town could remember, passed down from family member to family member. Everyone in the town could tell you the residents kept to themselves, but when they would get the occasional glance of the dark haired family members– they moved like shadows. 

The eccentric family looked as if an old photo came to life, their skin pale white and their outfits stark black. Despite the monochromatic appearance of their outfits they were enchanting to look at, almost as if people couldn’t pry their eyes off of them when they walked by. Shadows seemed to draw them out, their pale complexion attesting to such. Any chance of sun that day meant no sightings of the family. 

The daughter was seen the most, usually carrying a big black lace parasol. Her outfits black like the rest, with red accents accompanying the black lace contrasting her almost paper white skin. She had a few friends within the town, her being the most sociable of the family, one being a short nerdy blond boy who was about her complete opposite, and a high strung brunette boy who was known throughout the town for being loud and rather brash. The two boys would stumble their way through town on sunny days, knocking at the door and waiting for her caretaker– a short pale man with a sour expression– to open the door for them to go inside. On cloudy days she would join them outside, usually sitting by the fountain in the extra shade from the large tree cascading over the fountain and its surroundings. 

Her caretaker, the town assumed to be her older brother, was a short pale man who was known for rarely speaking to people unless necessary. He would wander the town during the early winter sunsets– a black overcoat covering his white button up, a cravat expertly tucked into the collar of his shirt. Townspeople referred to him as an old soul, cursed to look young forever. The family had slowly dwindled during the years, only two were ever seen leaving the house nowadays. 

Knock Knock Knock! 

The giant iron knocker on the front door sounds, the sun long gone from the sky and the moon starting to ascend from the east. 

The door swings open quickly, the short sour man standing on the inside of the elegant house– looking at the stressed individual in front of him. 

“Hi, I’m really sorry for bothering you this late. But do you know where I can get my car fixed? I’m visiting friends in town and my GPS was going insane when I got here, and then my car broke down, and then my phone died when I tried calling them for help and… I just don’t know what to do. Could I possibly come inside and charge my phone just enough to call them?” You ask, your head feeling suddenly light from how many things you could see from just the doorway of the old beautiful house. 

“Hello, that sounds rather… unfortunate. Come inside, and I will fetch a cord for your phone.” The man steps to the side, inviting you in. You thank him and introduce yourself, extending your hand for a handshake as you catch your reflection in a mirror right by the entrance, along with the back of his head. 

He nods at you, “Levi. Welcome in.” He leads you over to the living room, the room looking like a time capsule of old gothic furniture, a small lamp on the table next to the couch illuminating the whole room effortlessly in a warm yellow glow. 

“Thank you, you know– I think this is the most vampire-like house I’ve ever seen. Apart from the mirrors that is.” You point to another mirror on the wall. The living room housed a wall entirely filled with bookshelves, books spanning almost the entire lifespan they could– some brand new, looking to be unread from how pristine they are. And some books looked like they had been there since the house was built– as if the bookshelf was made for them entirely. 

A small chuckle leaves the short man. “Ah yes, family house– no reason to change the look of it if it works.” 

“Well I think it’s beautiful.” You say, stepping further into the room and taking in the almost overwhelmingly grandiose decor. 

“I’ll be right back with that… phone line for you.” He waves his hand around as if trying to remember the correct word for it before disappearing down the hallway. You slowly look over the room, the lamp shade even having an intricate design, however you’re drawn to the bookshelf– curious as to the old books that were there. 

One title you recognize immediately as a classic, however the cover is one you’ve never seen before. Dracula. Bram Stoker. A bit on the nose for the vampire-esque house, no? Your finger draws up to the top of the book like a magnet– unsheathing it from its colleagues to get a good look at the cover. Hand bound it seems, the cover velvet and fraying– a test to how old it truly was. You turn it around to the back and are met with German text. A moment of confusion before remembering what country you were in, however your friends in town said German was the secondary language spoken– usually only the older generation here spoke it. 

A floorboard creaking pulls you from your thoughts, you look over expecting the short man but are met instead by what looks to be a gothic teen girl staring at you, unblinking with a tilted head. 

“Hello, you don’t live around here.” She says very matter-of-factly, the sentence almost chilling your body more than the dark night you had just walked out of. 

“Uhm, you’re very right. I’m here visiting friends.” You shift your weight from foot to foot. 

“Levi has a friend? How strange, could’ve sworn he was a shut-in.” 

“Oh uhm, no. I-my car broke down and Levi is grabbing me a phone charger so I can call my friends.” You hold up your phone, which was basically an expensive brick as of now. 

“That makes more sense. Levi doesn’t enjoy talking to people, surprised he let you in.” She says, her skirt swaying as she rocks from the heel of her foot to the ball and back again. 

“I uhh-I like your outfit. You look nice.” You say, suddenly feeling small in her gaze. Her skirt was red with black lace hanging over it, her shirt black with lace sleeves trailing her arms. Tied together with a deep red stain of her lips, accentuating the cracks of her lips as she stared at you with the same eyes as the short man. 

“Why thank you, took me quite a while to find such perfect clothes.” She says. “So you’ve never been here before?” 

“Nope, first time. However if all houses are like this I might just move here.” You say, finding the distance between you two a bit off putting yet making no move to change it for yourself. 

“It gets quite… homey after a while. Centuries don’t change much here, been the same for a while.” She says, almost as if she was the one experiencing it rather than the likely answer of the older generation saying it or her seeing it in old pictures. 

“Well… that’s a good thing, right?” You respond, the house must be big if Levi is taking such a long time finding a phone charger. 

“No new comers enjoy it, but we do. Townspeople mind their business enough.” She says, taking a single step closer– you feel almost claustrophobic at the small step despite her standing barely through the door frame, a good five feet away from you yet the feeling still creeps up your throat. 

“Mikasa, don’t stay out too late. And don’t scare the company.” Levi says as he rounds the corner, holding a phone charger in his hands like he was offering it to the gods. 

“Didn’t mean to scare your company. Have a good dinner, I’ll be home by morning.” She turns and walks away from the living room and out of your line of sight. 

“Four at the latest.” Levi calls out, walking closer as the door opens. 

“Fine. Have fun with your… company.” She calls out before the door shuts. Levi hands you the phone charger awkwardly, as if he had never held one before this very moment. 

“Thank you, uhm…” You look around for an outlet you could plug it into. He walks out of the room with a glance back as if to tell you to follow him, which you do.

“Don’t mind her, she’s just a peculiar teen.” He says as he leads you down the hallway and into a kitchen and dining room. The tiles of the walls have beautiful details of flowers. Old paintings covering the walls along with many a hanging plants hanging from the exposed rafters. 

“Oh don’t worry, every teen has a phase like that, some never grow out of it. Just be lucky she tells you when she’s going out.” You say as he points to an outlet, plugging the charger in and setting down the book you had kept a hold on to plug in your phone.  

“Yes, well, I must say our whole family has always been a bit peculiar. Dracula?” He picks up the book off the counter as you spin back to look at him, setting your phone against the cold marble countertop.  

“Oh yeah, sorry I was just curious. It seems old. Must’ve been expensive.” You look into his cold stormy gray eyes. 

“It’s been in the family for a while.” He says, handing the book back to you before gesturing back to the living room and you two make your way back there. 

“So, do you speak German?” He asks, pointing to the book as you walk further into the living room. 

“Uhm, the smallest little bit. I took it in school, but I didn’t retain much.” You confess as he stays standing in the doorway, his hands shoved inside his pockets. 

“Would you like some tea?” He asks and you try to remember what the polite thing would be to do– is it a culture of accepting or not inconveniencing the host? 

“Uhm I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you or anyth-” You’re interrupted by a dry cough leaving your throat, quickly covering your mouth with your elbow. 

“I’ll make you some tea. Rest, whilst I do so. Make yourself comfortable.” He turns and walks back to the kitchen and you sit down on the sofa, a dark red velvet soft to the touch. 

“I’ll be right back with that… phone line for you.” He says, walking down the hallway, past the kitchen and to the bolted basement door. Unlocking it and closing it behind him swiftly before descending the dark staircase. Reaching the bottom of the stairs and flicking on the light, glancing over to the completely drained body from the town over– a shame really. The man fought so much just to die in the basement, and Levi thought he could’ve been added to the family– so nice at first.

Walking past the body and over to the shelves, opening one and searching through it. One of his meals had one on them when he brought them back home. It’s around here somewhere. He rooted around in the shelf, slamming it shut when he realized it wouldn’t have been in that one. He organized the relics from each of his meals based off a few things about them: age range being the first, how far he traveled to get them being the second, and the third was how much of a fight they put up. 

He throws open the correct drawer, fishing out the cord easily and glancing it over a moment. Blood, of course. Why wouldn’t there be blood on it. Making the whole drawer dirty this entire time, but he’ll deal with that later. 

He grabs a rag and wets it in the sink, wiping away the dried blood from the white cord. Tossing the rag into the sink he’ll deal with that later. Glancing at the body chained to his wall he’ll deal with that later. 

Flicking the light off and ascending the stairs quickly. Locking the door behind him as he hears Mikasa’s voice. He knew she would, she always tries to get to his home meals before him. 

“No new comers enjoy it, but we do. Townspeople mind their business enough.” She says, taking a step into the living room, slowly cornering you– exactly how he taught her. 

“Mikasa, don’t stay out too late. And don’t scare the company.” He says, turning the corner– directly challenging her and indirectly telling her to back off you. 

“Would you like some tea?” He asks, thank god you didn’t point out the many sedative plants growing in his kitchen– his plan would’ve been ruined if you did. 

“Uhm I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you or anyth-” You’re interrupted by a dry cough leaving your throat, quickly covering your mouth with your elbow. More the reason to make you some tea while your phone charges. 

“I’ll make you some tea. Rest, whilst I do so. Make yourself comfortable.” He turns and walks back to the kitchen, taking a teacup from the cabinet and putting a pot of water on the gas stove. He glances to your phone as the screen lights up displaying the time and a notification, reading “Yo! Hows the drive coming?” He recognizes the name of one of the townspeople Mikasa had talked about hanging out with, apparently he was very cocky and loved to challenge one of her other friends to random competitions. The plug next to that one doesn’t work, what if he… 

The plug comes out of the wall easily, he plugs it into the broken outlet. But it turned on, how do he get it to not. Tapping it? He fetches tea leaves from their container, the good tea, he must like you. He sets up the tea leaves in their cage, placing it into the cup while he waits for the water to boil. He opens a small container of Valerian Root, dosing just enough into the tea leaves to where the taste of the strong tea would overpower the taste but not the effects. 

He waits for the water to boil in his brass tea kettle, tapping at the screen display of your phone until it went dark. Tapping it a few more times just for safe measure as the kettle started to ring out. Pouring the water over the cage of tea leaves and dried valerian root, watching as the water slowly turns darker as the tea steeps. Once the water was tinted black he pulls the cage out, setting it in the sink, he’ll deal with that later. 

He walks the teacup over to you carefully, not to spill any as he makes his way to you. Setting the tea cup on the coffee table in front of you on a coaster. He may be planning to eat you, but he won’t ruin his table for it. 

“Thank you, you’re very kind.” You take the tea cup and blow on the steaming brew– without a second thought as to what he could’ve put in there. If you continue being this nice he’ll have to train you to be more weary in the future, but for now it was helpful. 

“It’s no big feat, wouldn’t want to leave you outside in the cold night all helpless.” He sits down on the other end of the couch, crossing his legs and adjusting his cravat as he looks at you gently blowing on the hot tea. 

“Well I’m thankful you opened the door. Your neighbors didn’t, probably because it’s late at night.” You say, taking a small sip of the tea. 

“They’re old, go to bed early. You wouldn’t want to talk to them anyways.” He dismisses with a handwave and a tilt of his head. 

“Tea is great, what kind is it?” You ask, blowing on it again. 

“Care to guess? It’s a blend of a few.” He can’t help but hide a smirk as you give him a perfect way to get you to continue drinking it. You hum before taking another sip, this one longer. 

“Black tea.” You say with a small smile. 

“Can you tell what kind?” He tilts his head, adjusting his dark overcoat as he interlocks his fingers and rests his folded hands on his lap. 

“Oh I really only know Earl Gray and English Breakfast.” You confess, your cheeks heating up a little from the heat of the drink. The copy of Dracula discarded onto the coffee table along with the book Levi had been reading before you knocked. 

“Ceylon. And what other kind?” He leans towards you just enough to be noticeable but not reactable. 

“Uhm…” You take another sip, this one big– holding it in your mouth for a moment. “Green tea?” You guess, not being able to place it. 

“Close, guess again.” He prompts and you take a few more sips, your confusion growing as you try to figure it out. Your tiredness from the day slowly hitting you as you relax onto the couch. The warmth from the tea being a comforting presence after the stressful night you had before entering this house. 

“Rooibos?” You guess, your nose scrunched up as you await his response. 

“Not quite.” He smiles at you, if you didn’t know any better you’d be stumbling out a compliment at how good he looks when he smiles. Instead you drown out the comment with a big swig of tea, swishing it around in your mouth before swallowing. 

“Would I be crazy for saying raspberry leaf tea?” 

“No, there is some in there, good job. One more.” He praises, and you feel your body start to turn warm just from the tea though, not from the praise or anything else. You quickly take another sip, the tea having cooled significantly since your first small sip. 

“It smells like my cherry blossom tea I drink, but I don’t think that would go well with these other ones.” You laugh, taking another sip. 

“I’m intrigued, I don’t think I’ve ever had that kind of tea before.” He scoots towards you a little, covering it by leaning forward to readjust. 

“Oh it’s wonderful, it’s green tea I think, might be floral. Anyways, it’s really good. I usually drink that or vanilla black tea in the mornings.” You smile at him. 

“Sounds good, I might have to find some just to try it.” He grins at you, entranced by your smile and the way you talk about the tea you love. You take another sip of the tea, now a third of the way through the cup– your movements slightly slowed. 

“It’s earthy, but in a good way.” You bite your lip in thought before taking another sip. “My lack of knowledge is really hitting me here I think. It’s not cinnamon, it’s not cherry blossom, it’s not lemon balm is it?” You ask, trying to remember all of the tea offered at the cafe near your house. 

“It’s not lemon balm.” He states, his arms crossed under his black overcoat. The button up he was wearing, pristinely white almost to a fault. Your blinks slow just enough to where you don’t notice, but he does. 

“Hmm.” You hum before finishing the tea off. “Damn, tell me what it was.” You set the cup down on the coaster again, making sure it was align before sitting back against the couch. 

“Chamomile.” He stands, grabbing the cup. “I’ll go wash this out and check if your phone is on yet.” He says. He knows the phone will not be on, but you don’t. 

“Thank you, really. It means the world you’ve let me in, let alone given me tea.” You thank as he walks towards the doorway. 

“It’s really no problem at all. I’m happy to.” Happy to dine well for the next few days. His meal was delivered right to him nonetheless. Maybe even another member to the family. The house does get a little lonely when Mikasa goes out for the night– no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it.

He rinses out the cup, scrubbing away all the germs you left before setting it to dry on the mat. Taking the cage of tea leaves and emptying it out of the window into the compost below. Walking back to the living room and sitting closer to you this time. 

“Phone is still not on.” He says as he sits down. 

“Dang, I’m sorry it’s taking so long.” You say, folding your hands in your lap– going to raise your feet to sit criss cross but being reminded you’re wearing your shoes still. “Oh, I didn’t take these off when I came in. Should I have?” You ask, worried about mucking up the beautiful carpet underneath your feet. You might be perfect to keep as an extra family member, but Levi really shouldn’t get his hopes up– he needs to see what you’re like after you’re in the basement for a bit. 

“Oh, here I’ll put them by the door. Thank you.” He gets up and waits for you to slip your shoes off, making a big show of placing your shoes in a noticeable enough spot to make sure you wouldn’t forget them when you leave. As if he was letting you leave, such a cheeky man really. 

He sits down again, this time even closer, leaning forward to grab the copy of Dracula. “Have you ever read it?” 

“Once, I was trying to read through all the classics. I got through Dracula and Frankenstein before I got sidetracked. I wish I had the time to finish all of them however.” You confess, smiling at him. All the more reason for you to become a family member, all the time in the world to read the classics– and anything else you possibly want. He opens the book, flipping through the pages to find a particular passage. Chapter three, when Johnathan realizes he was trapped in the castle. Perfectly on the nose, and they won’t even notice. 

“Als ich entdeckte, dass ich ein Gefangener war, überkam mich ein wildes Gefühl. Ich rannte die Treppe auf und ab, versuchte, jede Tür zu öffnen und spähte aus jedem Fenster, das ich finden konnte; aber nach einer Weile überwältigte mich die Überzeugung meiner Hilflosigkeit und alle anderen Gefühle traten in den Hintergrund. Wenn ich nach ein paar Stunden zurückblicke, denke ich, dass ich in dieser Zeit verrückt gewesen sein muss, denn ich verhielt mich ähnlich wie eine Ratte in einer Falle.” He reads out, watching as your eyes start to droop and you lean back into the couch as your body grows tired. 

“Wow, that sounded almost melodic. Your German is really nice to hear.” You compliment, your body relaxing against the grandiose red velvet couch with a smile on your face. 

“That is very nice of you. You mentioned you took German in school, did you recognize any words?” He asks, if he distracts you from how tired you are– you won’t try to fight the growing tiredness. 

“Uhm… I recognized the word ‘ich’.” You laugh at only recognizing such a simple word like ‘I’ 

“Is that all?” He asks, a small smile on his face. Why is this person making him smile so much, dear Dracula, draining you will be hard. Hopefully you’ll agree to become a family member, having someone like you around would be nice. 

“Yeah… I didn’t retain much from my classes. You know it’s funny, the gothic house and Dracula. It would be almost too perfect if you were a vampire.” You laugh at the absurdity of that even being a possibility. 

“Too perfect.” He agrees, watching as your body grows tired in front of him. 

“Good thing I saw your reflection, otherwise I’d probably be freaking myself out with the thought of vampires existing.” You say, remembering you had seen the back of his head in the mirror when you walked in. 

“That is a good thing, wouldn’t want you freaking out over such a thing while waiting for your phone to charge.” He places the book onto the couch where he had been seated before he got up. Folding his hands and placing them in his lap. His posture almost annoyingly perfect, never slouching even when sat on such a comfortable couch. You wouldn’t register the fear properly anymore, and he knows it.

“You know, if vampires were alive today, they would have reflections in most mirrors.” He tilts his head to the side as he delivers his fun fact. 

“Oh really, why is that?” You ask, curling your body up on his couch.

“The reason old vampires couldn’t see their reflection was because mirrors were made out of silver. Now mirrors are made out of mainly glass. However some still have silver inside them.” He reaches out and adjusts your hoodie string, smoothing it out gently before pulling his hand back. 

“That’s really cool. Why are vampires in mythology weak to silver?” You ask, tucking your arms around your waist as you nuzzle into the couch. 

“It’s a holy metal. Just like garlic is a holy food. Vampires are unholy, devil reincarnate vampires used to be called.” He watches as you yawn, you barely register it happens as you pay attention to his words.

“Seems like twilight changed that perception though, most teen girls would’ve killed to be vampires.” You rub at your face with your balled up sweatshirt sleeve. 

“That you are right. Mikasa enjoys those movies and books, made me put her copies on the bookshelf.” He nods over to the middle of the three large bookshelves, Mikasa had made him put the five books on display. 

“I enjoyed them, teen drama is a good genre. Even if their vampires weren’t fully accurate.” You mumble as you turn back to look at him, resting your head against the back of the couch. 

“According to what she told me about them, they’re very wrong. Sparkling in sunlight, how wrong can you actually write vampires.” He grumbles, remembering the glittery skin of the so-called vampire on the movie screen. You laugh at his grumblings, fighting to keep your eyes open. 

“Yeah, that was a dumb decision. Especially around the time body glitter was a big thing, so easy to pass off. But how else would the hundred year old teen go to school?” You giggle, your head lolling forward for a second before you force it back up. 

“If you’re feeling tired it’s okay to close your eyes for a moment. It is getting quite late after all.” He rests his hand on your shoulder, this meal was falling asleep rather fast– he couldn’t help but be nice about it. 

“No, no. I don’t want to fall asleep on your couch. That would be rude.” You sniff and try to blink the sleep induced blur from your eyes, bringing a hand to rub at your face again. You’ll be falling asleep somewhere much less comfortable for a while after this. 

“I insist it’s fine. But if you would like, I’ll go check your phone to see if it is on yet.” He reminds you of your phone being charged in the kitchen. 

“Oh, thank you. Please, that would be wonderful.” You say, he pats your shoulder before standing up and walking out of the room. The silence that befalls the living room is dragging your consciousness from your body– and it was as if you had nothing to grab onto to keep it from dragging you. You curl up further onto the couch, your breath evening out as you vow to yourself that you’ll wake up when he walks back in the room. 

A minute passes, and you’re curled up on his couch, and he’s not back in the room yet. He is down in the basement removing the body from the shackles, tossing it into the crawlspace which he sealed off from the rest of the house– the smell being too dirty to allow any air to escape. 

Five minutes pass and he’s cleaning up the area quickly, scrubbing the disgusting germs from that man off the floor and chain. He takes the sheet off the thin mattress and tosses it, along with the rag from earlier, into the laundry room. Retrieving a fresh pair of sheets and a thin blanket for you before making the bed up. 

Seven minutes pass and he’s walking back upstairs and into the living room, where you are passed out on his velvet couch. He laughs and picks you up, without a moment of apprehension. 

Carefully walking you down the stairs to the basement and laying you out on the thin mattress, clicking the chain closed around your ankle. He takes a step back to look at you, peacefully laying in his basement. He leans back in and covers your body with the blanket, brushing your hair out of your face before he ascends the stairs, locking the basement door behind him. 

tell me if you want more! <3

[angelanimedesaray]

Wings in the Dark Chapter 30: Stability

AN:  *Comes back after a year since this was written, grabs the old an about coming back with a bang and throws it in the trash, turns to the audience*

SO

I am a year or so or however long its been older and wiser and a pending bipolar and/or adhd diagnosis in limbo until I drag my ass to the doctor, cat got hit by a car, really bad financial drama happened at work that may have been the worst stressor ever we will NOT get into--THINGS HAPPENED!

And I know better than to make any promises with my fickleness, but i'm trying, this story is always in my brain (As well as a sw fanfic but that's not for here) and I have no intention of leaving this story untold, I even came back with new ideas to add to the space of five years between fall of the wall and appearance of Eren I was puzzling over when i went on hiatus. BUT we have all seen the patterns, I will go on hiatus' and randomly come back with more chapters. Hopefully this time I stick with it a bit longer, I had at least two chapters written before I disappeared, so you'll AT LEAST get those.

Oh, and before I turn it over to the content, year+ ago me wanted you to know I was getting back into writing the characters and to forgive characterization inconsistencies while I got back into it, this chapter went through 5 rewrites before it got to this state, and apparently had some whiplash with the song vibes as I was listening to Call of Silence from the OST and Till It Hurts by Yellow Claw on a two song repeat writing this last draft.

Also, new WITD divider image from saradika-graphics here on tumblr

Okay, have fun! I'm going to go work on chapter 32! I'll tell you where I'm at writing wise NOW when we get to that chapter O.o

Characters:  Levi, Vampire!Fem!Reader, Erwin, OC Vampire Character (Emery), Eld (Briefly)

Pairing:  Levi x Vampire!Fem!Reader

Warnings:  Language, Blood Drinking (Discussed), Spice but not Smut (Biting, Making Out, steamy stuff like that)

Word Count:  11922

<---Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Reader’s POV*

The state of the Underground hadn’t gotten any better since you’d last been here.

Not that you expected it to, the place reeked, was drenched in filth and stale air, and there were people lurking in the shadows that were either on death’s door or were leering at passerby’s waiting for someone that looked like an easy mark or seemed to have something worth taking.

While you and Emery traveled into the depths of the dark city, you glared at anyone that looked your way and thought the fresh and youthful faced Emery was an easy mark, easily scaring them off with your more imposing presence that threatened death at best if they tried to mark your companion for their crimes.  Emery, at least, seemed to have heard enough stories about the Underground, or had indeed taken to heart your many warnings and briefings on the way down here, and stayed a half step behind you the whole time despite his own vampiric strength being capable of keeping him safe from nearly every thug and shadowy individual the two of you passed.

It was a good thing you’d been careful to teach him how to block out sensory information before delving down here–he’d only gagged seven times since coming down here when his concentration slipped, which wasn’t bad at all.

As you reached the darker depths of the Underground, the places where the shadows loomed darker, the mud never truly dried, and a presence of dread pressed upon passerbys, you gestured for Emery to follow you into one of the abandoned buildings a couple blocks in, allowing the two of you at least a moment to pause and make sure you were both prepared for what came next.

Namely, Emery.

When you turned to look at him, you could see even in the shut in darkness of the empty warehouse how pale he looked, and not just from thirst.  There was a tremble in his hand, and he swallowed painfully loudly when your gaze met his.

“I don’t want to do this,” Emery hissed softly into the darkness.  He’d been gradually getting worse as the days passed, and you had discovered he’d been preying on birds and squirrels and other small animals that happened to be in the immediate area around the cave in an attempt to keep himself satiated.  However, there wasn’t enough to keep the thirst at bay, and eventually he’d had no choice but to relent and follow you to satisfy the craving.  That didn’t mean that he fully agreed.  Or that he was willing.  He was just running out of options, and the hunger was starting to take precedence, even over his morality.

Considering he was digging in his heels again, though, that resistance was still there.

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair under your cloak as you gazed back at the terrified young man.  “Emery, we’ve been through this–”

“No, I know what you’re going to say, but I can’t do this, I don’t want to kill anyone,” Emery hissed back in the darkness, panic coloring his tone.

“I understand that, believe me, I do–”

“No, you don’t, not really, otherwise you wouldn’t be pushing me to do this, you wouldn’t have done this yourself, I don’t want to be a monster–” Emery panicked, starting to work himself into hysterics.  You had to get a grasp on this before it spiraled out of control.

Burying the slash of pain in your chest at the statement calling you and what you’d done to survive in the past monstrous, you carefully stepped up to the young man who was starting to hyperventilate in front of you, placing gentle hands on his arms to try and soothe him.  “Emery, breathe…deep breaths…you need to settle down, before you draw attention to us,” you told him seriously but in as gentle of a tone as you could manage, trying to catch his gaze as it darted around at your surroundings.

You’d been slowly refining this speech for this moment, specifically, and you sincerely hoped that it was going to be good enough to convince him, this time.

“I do understand, because I’ve been where you’re at, right now.  And in the past I was so scared of myself and of hurting–killing–other people, I tried to die before I could.  Clearly it didn’t work, but…I do understand that fear,” you said steadily, feeling a brief flash of relief when Emery looked at you with wide eyes at the little bit of yourself you offered him to get him to see that you did, in fact, understand the feelings he was struggling with.  “I don’t want to make you a monster or a murderer, Emery.  I’m trying to help you avoid that, in the long run.  But right now, it can’t be helped.  You have to drink to survive.  But you don’t have the control for a donor even if I could find you one, the forest animals aren’t enough for you to live on, and the animals not only are vital to the people starving because of a food shortage right now, but as long as you’re drinking from them, you’re never going to be able to learn the control to be around people again without being a threat to them.  It’s ugly, and dark, and messy, and bloody, but you have to go through this stage first before you can get better.”

You squeezed his shoulders in reassurance, making sure to hold his gaze.  “You don’t have to go through this alone like I did, though.  I’m here to help you, okay?  You’ll get through this, and eventually you won’t have to kill to survive anymore.  But you have to get through this part, first, and that’s what I’m trying to help you do, but you have to let me.”

Emery’s eyes seemed to shine even in the darkness, expression distraught and lost as his shoulders sagged under your hands.  “I can’t…I can’t take hurting anyone else.  I can’t do it…”

Your heart throbbed, looking up and around at the warehouse around you as if it might give you answers, while the teenager in front of you struggled not to sob with the enhanced despair crushing down on his too-pure soul for this bloody life.

There was no way you were going to get him to hunt on his own tonight.  He wasn’t capable of that same thing you could do where you could mentally and emotionally distance yourself from the kill, compartmentalize it into a dark bloody box in the recesses of your mind and let it hurt like a dull ache at the bottom of your heart when your thoughts wandered to its contents.  But he needed blood, or he was going to get dangerous, and he needed to start learning this so he could be more self-sufficient.  You couldn’t keep leaving him to small fuzzy animals in the wilds and the dark solitude of a cave, which was all he would get if he didn’t make this step.

…you could at least meet him halfway.  He wasn’t ready to do this himself, wasn’t ready for a kill, was in no state for it tonight and probably wouldn’t be for some time still.  But there were still things you could do to compromise, to help him make progress without pushing him to do this thing he was terrified to do, and justifiably.

You could save the philosophical discussion about killing to survive and if vampires killing for the blood they needed to live fell into that grace area or not another time, when he was well fed and you weren’t standing in an abandoned building in one of the more dangerous parts of the Underground.  Right now, you just had to get him to feed.

“Okay.  I’m not going to make you do something you can’t do, Emery,” you tell him softly, and his shaking, half sobbed breaths caught for a moment at the statement.  You didn’t judge him for how quickly he fell into tears and sobs, knowing he was still struggling with the emotional control and this was, after all, a highly charged and emotional topic–and he was, immortal or not, a literal kid–a teenager.  “But you still need to learn to hunt properly, and we need to start actively teaching you control.  I’ll do the dirty work tonight.  I’ll teach you how to do the hunt, you’ll do most of it under my supervision, but I’ll make the kill and you can have the blood afterwards.  It will still be good long enough for you to take what you need, it takes a little while for the blood to go stagnant and…sour, so to speak, to dead man’s blood.”

Emery still looked ill, but he recognized this compromise you were offering him for the gift it was.  Not having to do the act itself…he would still be complicit, yes, but at least his hands wouldn’t be directly bloody.  That’s what you were thinking, anyway, why you offered it.

“I don’t know if I can…choose who lives and dies like that,” Emery said in a hushed tone, though his shaking had eased and he seemed to be calming down.

“Then I’ll pick the target–this time.  I’ll show you how it’s done, and you just watch…you don’t have to watch me kill them, though.  Just be ready to hurry over to start drinking before the blood can go stale.  Deal?” you compromised again.

Emery hesitated.  He was far too gentle.  Whoever had made this poor kid into a vampire was cruel, putting someone with this much kindness and passivity in his heart into this position where he had to spill blood to survive, where being around people tempted him to go into a blood haze, to rend and murder anyone in its path, until he could gain control of his new alien bloodlust.

Gentle hearts did not mix well with vampirism.  This wasn’t going to be easy for him.  In fact, it was likely to be more hellish on the heart and soul for Emery than it had been for you.  After you had turned, you'd gradually discovered steel in your spine and fire in your heart; that you could be sharp as a blade and hard as the walls when you needed to survive.  Either Emery didn't have that at all, or he just hadn't found it yet.

Hopefully the latter was the case, for both your sakes.

“Okay,” he murmured in a voice so soft you almost didn’t hear it.  He seemed to go weak in the knees after agreeing, like his agreement to the bloodshed had been some kind of physical blow.

You gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder before you released him, keeping an eye on him to make sure he wasn’t going to sway and topple over once you let him go before you turned your attention back to the Underground that stretched out around you outside the abandoned building.

“We’ll talk more about survival and morality and everything else, later.  First…I’ll get you some blood,” you murmured, steps sure all the way to the doorway, waiting until Emery reluctantly fell into step behind you before your footsteps turned into a hunter’s prowl, and you started the ritual you hadn’t needed to execute since Levi had offered you the alternative you wished desperately to give the gentle-hearted kid you’d been teaching the past few weeks.

Later.  You could reflect on this later.  For now…the hunt.

*Levi’s POV*

She was back much earlier than he’d been expecting.

Levi had gone through his tea a lot faster than normal, already on the third cup and having switched from regular black tea to poking through his options once or twice to try and find something that would help him stay awake and alert like he wanted but would also help calm down his damn nerves.  He was seated at one of the corner tables that gave him a better chance at being overlooked by any late night visitors, one hand continued to fill out the paperwork he’d brought to distract him between the page turns and the time it took him to read what was in front of him, while the other traced along the rim of his freshly made cup of tea, still fresh enough that steam wafted into the air a few shades lighter than the smoke burning from the candle flame.  He’d found it ridiculously difficult to focus on his paperwork, yet his gaze kept flickering to the candle shedding the light he was working by, unable to stop looking as it slowly melted, tracking each half hour that she was down there in the Underdark.  It felt like he was hyper aware of every minute that slipped by, which made it frustratingly difficult to successfully distract himself with his work while he waited for her return.

He had yet to successfully distract himself and stop glancing over at the candle when she did appear, still wrapped up in her plain cloak with a deep frown marring her features as she stepped inside, immediately garnering Levi’s attention.

“What the hell are you doing back so early?” Levi asked, paperwork quickly forgotten at the sight of her.  The only reasons she would be back this early was if something had gone very wrong, or if things had progressed much faster and smoother than she had been anticipating.

Given their track record with the Underground, Levi wasn’t going to get his hopes high that it was anything other than bad.

Y/N’s gaze flickered over to him, but she didn’t deviate from her course towards the kitchens.  “Let me get something to drink, first, and I’ll tell you what happened,” she offered.

As she passed, Levi did a quick glance over her just to make sure she was at least outwardly fine.  No blood on her cloak, though she usually washed away any she may have gotten on her before returning to headquarters, she wasn’t moving strange, there wasn’t anything that looked scuffed or dirty, she didn’t seem to be hurt–aside from the frown, she seemed fine, which was a bit of consolation despite the concern her early return and the frown on her face stirred up.

Even though he could see that outwardly, physically, she was fine, he still didn’t wait.  She’d barely entered the kitchen before he decided he was going to follow, getting up to enter the kitchen after her, where she had already discovered the tea kettle Levi had been using, teacup in hand and ready to start making herself the usual cup of chamomile.

Levi crossed the room before she could even finish turning around to face him, a bit of surprise on her face when she found him already in her personal space, one of his hands reaching out to cover her hand resting on the teacup, keeping both hand and cup still against the counter while keeping her in place as his other hand reached out to brace against the counter on her other side.  He studied her closer, attempting to gauge from her eyes and the way she was acting just how bad it had been.

“Tell me what happened,” Levi said, firm enough to be borderline a command, but soft enough that his voice betrayed the worry that was spurring on the inquiry that couldn’t even wait for her to brew a cup of tea.

Y/N’s startled expression only stayed for a few more moments before it softened, a hand coming up to rest on his cheek with her fingertips curling gently along his jawline to soothe him.  It did work a bit–he couldn’t help the way he reacted to the touch, the warmth and the comfort that started to spread through him at such a tender gesture–though it didn’t erase the worry coursing through him.

“Nothing serious happened, Levi, not in the way you’re probably thinking right now,” she soothed him, though his tension didn’t melt away due to the spark of worry she couldn’t hide in her eyes–there was still something to be concerned about.  “There weren’t any hunters, there weren’t any hitches in the hunt itself, no other vampires crept up–nothing serious like that.”

“But something still happened,” Levi deadpanned, gaze unwavering from her own, especially since it kept giving her away–the flash of unease at his statement, for example.  Her eliminating other vampires and hunters and remarking that the hunt went smoothly meant that it had to be Emery, based on what information Levi did have.

Did the bloodlust come a little too easily for her to be comfortable?  Did she get more confirmation of his ripper tendencies?  She spoke highly of the kid’s character, or at the very least kept reiterating how he was tender and gentle and good hearted, but Levi had not–and she had better not–forgotten what he was capable of, the potential violence he could grow into and the kind of real monster it could breed.  All the kindness and even personal bonds in the world wasn’t enough in the face of a vampire’s first years of thirst, as Y/N’s gruesome story of how she’d been turned and the butcher Emery had caused at the scent of blood bleakly attested to.

Standing this close to her, he could still smell a faint whiff of the Underground on her, and alongside it, the faintest hint of blood.  Something he didn’t expect to catch on her if Emery was the one that was supposed to be doing the killing.

Before he could finish making the connections, she finally spoke up, sighing wearily before she let her hand trail down from his cheek to rest gently over his heart, the other hand still trapped within Levi’s own against the counter.

“Emery couldn’t do it, so I had to,” she finally said.  “I don’t know how much of a role his heightened emotions that he still hasn’t gotten control of play in it, how much of it is stalwartly at his core, but he’s just too…soft-hearted.  Normally I say being a gentle person isn’t a bad thing, but in this case he just…started to shatter on the spot, fell right into hysterics, could not do it, so I had to compromise.  Told him to watch and try to learn what I was doing, but I would do the actual hunt and he could reap the results so he’s not still starving up in that mountain.”

She looked off to the side where the tea kettle was still sitting as she spoke.  “I don’t know what I’m going to do if he can’t get past this, make this work in a way for him that will allow him a bit of self sufficiency when it comes to his survival.  I’m not even sure how to teach him this if this is my starting point, I wasn’t expecting it to be at this point.  If he can’t get past this, if he continues to outright refuse like he did tonight…I can’t hunt for him forever, he can’t feed on animals, he won’t be able to compel anyone for decades–I can’t even do that yet.  I’m not sure what to do with him, now.”

Levi had listened closely through her explanation, studying her quietly and turning over the information she gave him in his mind as he considered what he should say, taking care to try and figure out the right words to use considering this was a topic that touched on some sensitive topics she was still carrying around with her.  Since she was still looking away as she finished speaking, Levi reached out to gently grasp her chin and tilt her head back towards him, thumb briefly stroking side to side across her chin.

On the one hand, the news was quick to rile his anger, gaze narrowing slightly to hear that she had needed to take matters into her own hands and get even more blood on them, even though she was supposed to be finally free of taking human life to survive with Levi providing her blood, instead.  She was supposed to be working to wash the blood off like she had told him was part of her intention for being here, now that she wasn’t adding any more–or wasn’t supposed to be, anyway.  They’d been arguing about the risk to her going back Underground, how much danger it put her in–Levi hadn’t even brought up how crucial of a part she was starting to play in the Scouts and how putting her in danger was also threatening to deal a harsh blow to the Scouts and their improving death rates arguably when it mattered most that they continue to progress.  She was taking these risks, putting herself back in danger, now getting more blood on her hands to try and help this kid, and he wasn’t making an attempt to make this work?  She wasn’t talking about backing out, she was upset about not knowing what to do next to help him.  If she kept going down there and doing this for the young vampire, if she kept putting herself in increasing danger and he continued to refuse to follow what she was trying to teach him…

He could see this ending very badly if it continued in this direction, and could see her bearing the brunt of it.  But he could also see why she was doing it, why she was still inclined to find a way to make it work.  What she saw of this kid told her that he was a good kid–too good, ironically, since therein lay the crux of the issue–and it was a reassurance that he didn’t take human life so lightly, that it was something he was truly struggling with…

But it wasn’t so cut and dry.  Emery’s decisions about this were going to have an impact far beyond him, were going to affect Y/N, and by extension the Scouts.  And if he didn’t learn to control himself, didn’t put in the work–as bloody as it was–to get to a similar place as Y/N, then a lot of people–more innocent people–were going to suffer and die along the way for it, either directly or indirectly.  There wasn’t really a good choice here, but when the hell was there?  The choice the kid had in front of him was to either learn to control himself, not hurt as many people, and try to direct the carnage away from the more innocent until he developed the control and connections to get to a similar place as Y/N in the future, or he could continue to refuse, never really learning how to control his thirst, any human that bleeds around him always under great threat, some even just needing to get near him to be in danger, and Y/N possibly suffering deadly consequences for it–Levi could lose her along that path despite having just started to really have her in his life, not to mention the Scouts and Humanity would lose their best weapon against the titans and chance for more people surviving in that worse case scenario.

Levi knew exactly what choice Emery should make, in Levi’s mind–Levi would have already made it by now if he could.  The second choice wasn’t an option Levi was going to accept, at least not to that extent.  It didn’t make the first choice right, per say–Levi and Y/N had already had the complicated discussions about her old diet, and Levi had already made his feelings on the matter clear back then.  But Levi wasn’t going to let the situation develop to the point that many people suffered for the inaction of one teenage vampire.  And if Emery wanted to follow along the second path, then Y/N wasn’t going to get caught in the crossfires for it, she’d have to cut her losses before the situation got any worse.

Levi’s hand tightened around Y/N’s as he came to his resolution, gaze roaming over her features.  This could easily become another fight...

“You’re not going to have to hunt for him anymore,” Levi said decisively.  Y/N’s gaze turned wary in the face of the hard edge in Levi’s eyes, and Levi let go of her chin and pushed away, taking the teacup that had been in her hand in the process as he headed over to the tea kettle.

“I will if I can’t get him out of his own head and convince him to actually hunt, which was what I was trying to do before we went out today…not that it worked.”

Levi took a few seconds to start making her tea for her, giving himself the little extra time to put the right words together.

“You see yourself in him,” Levi stated, simply summing up the conversation they’d had the night they’d returned from the chaos of the fall of Wall Maria.  “You want to treat him gently, because you wish someone had been there for you that way when you first turned.”

Her silence was enough confirmation for him to continue.

“But you can’t.  Back then, there was only you at stake.  For him, there’s a hell of a lot more damage that’ll be done if this goes south,” Levi said flatly, coming back over to where she was standing to hand her the cup.  She took it wordlessly, but the look on her face was…less than pleased.  Well, she wasn’t going to get any happier with what else he had to say.

“He’s not you, and you’re not him, so stop comparing.  You were able to figure out your situation and make quick choices to survive and stuck with it, took the consequences.  He’s indecisive and dragging his feet, making a shitstorm that could affect a hell of a lot more people.  He doesn’t need coddled right now.  He needs to get a face-full of the reality of the situation he’s in and make a choice.  That way you know if you need to get out before you pay for it, or if he’s going to step up and put in some effort to survive.”

Y/N hesitated, both hands curled around her cup.  “I don’t want to push him too hard too fast, it’s always like he’s a few seconds away from shattering.  And it’s hard to be harsh with him, knowing what he’s going through, how terrifying it all is.”

We’re all just a bunch of bleeding hearts, it seems.

Levi sighed, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the table behind him, fixing his stare on her.  “If you won’t give him a reality check, then I will.”

Her head snapped up at that, gaze a lot sharper and focused now, eyes narrowed on him.  “I thought we were done having the discussion of why that’s a bad idea, and you going anywhere near him isn’t going to happen?”

“The situation’s changed.  Again.  If you don’t want to push him, then someone else needs to step in and do it.  I’m the obvious choice.”

As always, at this rate.

“Levi–”

“No,” Levi cut her off, tone a bit harsher than he intended.  “It’d be safer if I wasn’t around him, he doesn’t have control, I know, you’ve made all that clear.  He already knows you have a human…” Levi paused, not sure he knew what the hell to label himself in this situation.  “...whatever, and part of the reason you’ve been allowed to go forward with this is your insistence you can control him.”

“I’m not setting up a meeting between you two.  It’d be too dangerous, too unpredictable and–”

“And the titans aren’t?” Levi snapped back.  “If I can handle you in a spar, I can handle the kid.  Between the two of us, we can manage if he loses his shit.”

He wasn’t insane enough to go alone, otherwise he’d have just done it himself already.  And the two of them were the best equipped to handle vampires.  Sure, there were all kinds of ways it could go, but if both of them were there and prepared to do damage control, they had a better chance of keeping the situation contained with little to no fallout.

And this would give him the chance to size up Emery for himself and get a good read on the kid.

“I’m not dangling you in front of Emery with how little control he has–he may not even be capable of listening to you around any bloodlust he ends up having, which would defeat the whole point of you meeting him.”

“If you want to help this kid, I can’t go to Erwin with ‘it didn’t go well, the kids refusing to learn, Y/N doesn’t know what to do’.  Erwin will cut the loss,” Levi said flatly.  “You’ve been trying to prepare him for this your way–it didn’t work.  Even if he ends up too blood crazy to speak to, I can’t give you any better advice until I see for myself.”

The two of them had a stare down in silence for several long moments, waiting to see who would back out, first.  Levi wasn’t going to budge.  He’d let her try, let her have her way, they’d scrapped over it, he’d relented, but now…now, she really did need him involved if this was going to work.  She was being far too gentle with Emery at the moment.

Not that Levi didn’t pity the poor kid.  Y/N had been an adult when she was turned, albeit barely.  This kid was in the middle of his teenage years, which probably didn’t help with the erratic emotions.  And it truly was a shit situation to be in, to be a freshly turned vampire–even worse at a time like this with the recent fall of a wall and massive food shortage.  But pitying the situation wasn’t going to do anything to get him out of it, and pity wasn’t going to do shit in making sure the kid wasn’t frozen up decision wise anymore and not putting himself and Y/N at risk.

“Fine.  Fine.” Y/N finally relented, looking away and taking a long drink out of her cup, looking more frustrated than Levi had seen her in a while.  “But we’re doing it my way.  How we arrange and go about it, I mean,” she added when she saw Levi was about to correct her.  Giving Emery a reality check was going to be done Levi’s way.

“Sooner, not later,” Levi stressed.

“I know, just…give me time to give him the heads up first, try to talk about what happened and tell him you’re going to be coming to meet him, because of how…poorly, it went.”

“I’ll make sure you have free time today to go see him.”

“And when you two do meet, we’ll do it during the day, so you can have the added protection of the sun.  You can stand outside the cave, and he won’t be able to come near you, not even if he was in a blood frenzy.  Though it’ll also be more of a trip, since we’re headed up a mountain on the northwestern side of Wall Sina.”

“We can get an official excuse set up with Erwin.”

A silence fell over the room between them, Y/N continuing to sip on the tea.  He still had his in the other room, and paperwork, but there were more personal things he wanted to do and say with her…They probably needed to leave the mess hall, anyway.  It was only an old habit that had Levi set up here to wait for her this time, but if Emery got over his indecision and they kept going to the Underground while he learned, then in the future…

“Let me get my shit, and we’ll head up to my office.  Last thing we need is some moon eyed rookie wandering in while we’re talking,” Levi said to break the silence, getting up to head back to the dining area.  Y/N finished her tea and shadowed him without hesitation, staying a couple steps behind along the way.  

Levi started to gather up the paperwork, trying to get the tea he’d left sitting by the papers down before they left and while there was still heat to it.  As he did, Y/N came up behind him, her hand brushing gently along his back and remaining on his shoulder blade as she leaned over beside him, helping him gather up the candles and a fair share of his stack.

Levi felt a little of his inner tension drain away at the touch and gesture.  She wasn’t angry at him, then, and no fight.  Some resistance, some frustration…but no fight.  Good…good, she understood, she accepted it, they weren’t going to have to muscle through another rocky spot with each other.  She was going to accept the help.

She had asked.  She might not like the way he was going to help, but she had asked for help when she opened up to him about not knowing what to do about the situation.

“Do you want help with some of this?”

Levi glanced over at the half of the stack she had in her hand.  It was a lot of paperwork, he’d left enough to keep him busy through the night on purpose.  But he needed to actually take in the information, put his own signature on things…

“No.”

She looked at him, studying his expression as he leaned over to add the small stack he’d already worked through on top.  As he straightened, she leaned over to kiss his cheek, holding the stack in her arms tighter to her.

“I’ll just help where I can fill in information, then,” she mused, already pulling away to start walking now that they had everything gathered between the two of them.

“Tch…”

But he didn’t say she shouldn’t, and the sound of protest was soft.  He didn’t actually mind…it was a good excuse for her to stay a bit longer.

The hour was still late enough that their trip from the mess hall to Levi's office was undisturbed, a comfortable silence between them as they traversed the halls.  Once inside, Levi still made sure that the door was locked behind them to make sure no one could interrupt, just in case.  He didn't expect anyone to come knocking at this time of night if Y/N was already here, but with their track record, he'd rather be safe than sorry.

Levi and Y/N both made their way to his desk, setting their respective piles on the surface before they took seats at opposite sides of the desk. Levi shook his head at her insistence to pitch in with his paperwork, but didn't protest, and they fell into a comfortable routine surprisingly fast.

There were the usual finished and unfinished stacks, of course, but Y/N had also created smaller stacks by the unfinished pile, one that was paperwork she'd filled out for him but still needed read or signed, and another for pages she couldn't help with.  As they both added to or took from the piles, their knuckles would occasionally brush against one another, fingertips lingering the few times she handed him a document when they would finish at the same time.

Levi found the work going by much faster, more comfortably, with her there…and not just because she was doing a small portion of it for him.  The pages went by faster, the work didn't feel so tiring, and suddenly there were only a few stray papers in the piles she'd sorted for him left to do.  Y/N had wandered over to the couch once she'd done what she could, laying down with a soft whoosh of air that barely resembled a sigh.  She didn't speak while Levi continued to work, the candlelight growing smaller and the shadows longer until Levi decided enough was enough.  What remained were pages he could do in the morning, there were other things he could be doing right now–and wanted to do.

Levi carefully removed his cravat, fingers brushing against the bandage he'd forgotten was hidden beneath.  It definitely stopped bleeding by now, he could probably take the damned thing off.

It was a slight detour, but he came back minus a jacket, cravat, and bandage, the small bite wound properly cleaned up and hardly noticeable, and Y/N was still stretched out on the couch, having not made a sound or so much as twitched.

…Dammit, she's asleep, isn't she?

Levi didn't even have to come all the way around the couch to confirm it, he could peer over the edge and see that she was passed out asleep, lips parted, head turned into the cushions and pillowed under one arm, breathing slow and deep.

So much for spending a bit of one on one time together before getting some sleep.  He’d been hoping to have a bit of time to set aside business and the serious stuff and simply reassure himself that she was all right and with him, but if this was the most he would get…

His sigh was admittedly a disappointed one, even as he leaned against the edge of the couch with folded arms and watched her for a few moments.  How comfortable did she have to be around him to fall asleep on the not-that-comfortable couch that quickly, and with so little fuss?

She’d come a long way to get where she was now.  To go from scared barely adult just turned vampire driven underground, to now a cornerstone member of the Scouts (even if it was behind closed doors, only), improving the safety of the formations so they didn’t lose as many people, making plans that actually sounded plausible with Hange to help them capture and learn more about titans, she had friends, she had him–whatever they were, Levi still didn’t know what to label it.  She’d come here to find a way to make her abilities as a vampire helpful to other people, to make the lives she’d had to take in order to survive and stay strong enough to survive worth something, and so far, it seemed she was in step with that goal.

And he wasn’t going to let anyone threaten to destroy that progress, not when she’d crawled her way here over the past few decades and was just starting to get a taste of freedom and happiness again, despite the insanity of all the ways the world seemed to be going to shit right now.

Levi straightened up from the couch and made his way over by the door, where his Scout cloak was hanging up.  He snatched it off its hook without even looking, coming back over to where Y/N had passed out on his couch and carefully throwing it over the sleeping woman’s shoulders, taking the time to make sure that it was arranged in a way that would be comfortable for her and actually keep her warm.  His hand lingered briefly on her shoulder, gazing at her still sleeping form for a few seconds before he made himself pull away, heading over to the desk to finish off those last few pages of paperwork he would have made wait for morning if she’d still been awake.  Hopefully, when he finished, he’d be able to catch a few hours of sleep, himself. 

He did, of course, finish his paperwork not long after his discovery that Y/N had fallen asleep, and after making sure the fire would last a bit longer into the night and everything was where it needed to be, he had settled back into the chair behind his desk, closing his eyes and simply listening to the soft sound of her breaths in the room and the crackle of the fire.  He didn’t even notice when the moment of peace turned to drowsiness, or how quickly he fell asleep after those first few content moments just listening and relishing the moment.

When he started to come to again, it was to the crackle of a fresh fire, the faintest aroma of black tea leaves in the room, the pouring of water and light chink of porcelain, soft, barely heard steps and movements…

Levi was still lifting his head, still coming to a full awareness of the room around him when the steps drew closer, and the lightest touch brushed across his shoulder, causing him to tense for the first few heartbeats that he didn’t know where it was coming from before the familiar voice followed the tender touch.

“Good morning,” Y/N’s voice said softly just off to his side, causing Levi to blearily blink open his eyes to peer up at her, squinting against the light but relaxing against her touch once he realized it was her.  He felt her lips press gently against the top of his head, feeling a warmth slowly settle over him at the affection that made it a little more difficult to shake off the morning grogginess.

His neck was a little stiff from how he’d been sleeping slouched over in his chair.  He was also realizing that something was draped over him, giving him a thin shield against the chill of the room until the fire warmed it again, hand rising underneath it to discover the familiar feel of his cloak against his fingers.  She must have put it around him in turn when she’d woken up.

“I just started heating up water for tea, it shouldn't be too long,” she continued in her quiet tone, and Levi hummed in response, leaning into the gentle touch upon his shoulder blade now that he realized it was her.  He could certainly use the tea right now, he might have actually gotten a couple hours last night, and it was taking him a few seconds to shake himself out of the sleepy, guard down stupor.

Speaking of last night…

Levi started to sit up, hair tickling along his eyebrows, one hand tugging the cloak down, allowing it to fall to his lap.  “You fell asleep before I could finish my work,” he rumbled, voice still sounding gruff even to his ears from just waking up.

What time was it?  How much later than normal was it?  His paperwork was done, at least, but he had meetings he had to do with Erwin now, training they still had to go through, coordinating with Y/N later about the Emery situation…

Depending on how much he’d slept in, he didn’t have the time to do what he’d been hoping for last night.  If she hadn’t fallen asleep, he could have spent a couple hours with her winding down from the day without any work in the way, but now, the day was already calling–especially because he may be running behind.

Y/N’s hand slipped away from his shoulder, her footsteps moving away from him and likely over to finish making the tea.  “I didn’t mean to–I guess I just got too comfortable?  One minute I was just listening to you and the next–”

It was too soon after waking up to be trying to navigate to the right words right now.  She thought he was complaining about her sleeping in his office?  Even though he’d already allowed her to use his bedroom for her recoveries to be in peace in the past?  And they’d both stayed in these quarters during his own recovery?

Levi’s hand threaded through his hair, brushing it out of his face and resting his head in his hand while his gaze relocated and tracked her as she moved around to make the tea.  His other hand draped the cloak out of the way on the back of his chair for the time being.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t,” he corrected her in a low mumble.  “Falling asleep here was fine–if you needed the rest, then knock yourself out.”

…he didn’t mind when she fell asleep in here.  He liked having her close, and seeing her that relaxed and comfortable in his presence had been…well, like many of the moments with her, it had been warm, and gave him a little taste of a content feeling, even if she wasn’t awake to engage with him like he’d been hoping for.  But he relished in the quiet moments of companionship and peace her presence tended to bring, and that was the important part.

So long as she wasn’t obvious enough about it for people to figure out she was staying in his quarters instead of her own, he wouldn’t mind if it became a regular thing–he thought he may relish it, as well.

“Oh?” she asked.  Her back was to him, so he couldn’t see how she was reacting to what he told her.  He could just study her posture, the way she shifted her feet, the slight tilt of her head–she was acting casual, but he was fairly certain she was about to fish for more.  “Then…what has you disgruntled?  Besides just waking up, I mean.”

“Tch.”

The small noise was mostly drowned out by the huffed sigh he let out at the question, momentarily agitated that she was catching onto his residual disappointment in missing out on his plans for the night before.  His fingers unthreaded from his hair, propping up his chin instead as she finally turned around to face him.

“I had shit I was going to do once you got back,” he grumbled, unable to help but sulk a little at the thought.  If she hadn’t come back so early it had required an immediate discussion, if they hadn’t gotten busy with the paperwork, if she hadn’t fallen asleep afterwards…he’d just wanted more than just a few moments to hold her close to him, kiss her, reassure himself that she was okay, and take his sweet time doing it.

She came over to stand by his desk again, offering him the fresh cup of tea without a word, which Levi took carefully from her, fingers brushing gently, briefly, against hers as he examined the color, giving it a few more seconds to finish steeping before he took a sip.

She may have rushed putting it together a little, but it was as good as she usually made it.

She moved to lean against his desk, drawing Levi’s gaze sidelong to her with the teacup paused a few inches away from a second drink.  “You know, you could…do whatever you wanted to last night, now.  We have a bit of time.  Maybe not as much, but still, some.”

…She may have a point.  He didn’t have the time now to do as much, he couldn’t hold her however long he felt like it, afterwards, he had things he needed to start doing, since he may already be off to a late start.  That didn’t mean he couldn’t do anything though.  He could prioritize what he wanted the most, something that would get him by until they had the chance again, and steal a few moments before starting the day–he already had a late start, anyway, and it was a day that started when he decided.  What was a few more stolen moments at the start?

Levi set his teacup aside, making sure it was well out of the way and not in danger of being knocked over as he turned to face her more fully, gaze roaming over her as he debated how he wanted to use the time they still had before the day’s work demanded their attention.  He couldn’t just hold her to him in the silence of the room as long as he would want, but he could pull her close, feel how real and solid she was against him, reassure himself she was okay and things were good between them, not tense and strained.

His hand reached out for her sleeve to tug her closer to him, guiding her around the desk and over to where he was still seated behind the desk.  Once she was easily within his arm’s reach, Levi pulled her to him with a bit more strength, hearing her gasp as she was pulled in, his arm wrapping around her waist to hold her tightly to him as she fell into him.  She caught herself, keeping her balance with her knee laying across his lap and her other foot stretched out behind her to keep herself stable, her hands placed instinctively against his chest to assist in keeping her balance with the close proximity.  Once she was where he wanted her, he reached out to thread his hand into her hair, feeling the strands slip against his fingers as his hand came to rest against the warmth of her cheek, coaxing her forwards even as he tilted her head the way he needed her to be as he went in for a kiss.

This one wasn’t one of the timid, brief kisses that had filled much of their days recently–he went in with a fervor much like their first, or on the couch the evening prior.  It was that closeness he wanted, and if he craved that physical reassurance that she was okay–was going to be okay–then he wanted to feel that liveliness between them when he kissed her like this.  Where he couldn’t get enough of it, wanted more, and even surprised himself with how badly he seemed to need it.

Keeping her cradled close and secure against him, Levi could feel the surprise from the intensity that he came at her with in her lack of an initial response in those few seconds, where he was the one pouring all of the desire into the kiss with each needful press of his lips against hers.  He might have pulled back if she had stayed still a moment longer, but when she seemed to come out of her surprise at his sudden fervent attention, she returned every ounce of that passion, stealing his breath in kind.  Her hands slowly slide up the sides of his neck, causing a slight shiver down his neck before her fingers ran lightly against his undercut and up into his own hair in a grip that kept him locked–without complaint–in the kiss, her fingers teasing along the outer curves of his ears and her thumb tracing idly back and forth along his jaw.

His breath hitched at the tender touch, lips parting involuntarily with a gasp he was trying to keep down.  Throwing away any pretense of trying to kiss her in some kind of ‘right way’, his fingers dug deeper into her hair in response, and the sound was swallowed up as he deepened the kiss.  He didn’t care about kissing her in a ‘right way’ at the moment as much as he did in kissing her, in feeling more of her, of satisfying the hunger that had them locked together with such intensity.

She was warm and alive against him and he couldn’t get enough of it as it helped soothe the part of him that had been so restless the past week or so out of fear for her safety.

Their intensity did have them clash a bit more with their kiss than normal–sometimes he only managed to trap one of her lips between his with how she tilted her head in response to him or because she ducked low trying to go in for more when he arched higher.  There were a few times where his teeth grazed along her lips, and he felt her shudder against him, which only encouraged him to do it again.  Especially when those shudders were followed by a tightened grip from her and more fire in the way she kissed him, how she leaned more heavily into him.

She was the first one to break away from the kiss, gasping in air so sharply that it made Levi realize he was starting to get a little light headed from the lack of air, himself.  He wasn’t done, though–not nearly.  So as she gasped for air, Levi took a quick breath and leaned back in, planting a kiss at the corner of her mouth as she took in air.  She didn’t squirm away, and with the thought of how tantalizing her kisses the evening before had been as they had blazed a trail away from his lips, he decided he’d try it for himself, see about blazing a trail of his own.

His lips moved a little further to the side, pressing against her flushed cheek and feeling a warmth seeping through his chest at the more tender seeming gesture amidst the more hungry kisses they’d been giving to one another.  He went a little further back towards her ear, feeling a spark of pride as it seemed to make her gasp again and twitch from a sensitivity to the spot he managed to find as he started to work his way down to her jaw.

It felt like goosebumps broke out across his neck and down to his arms when he felt her return in kind, her lips easily finding their way to his jaw in return with how he was currently angled to kiss under hers.  His hand, resting at her side just above her waist, clenched in the fabric of her uniform as she moved lower to where his jaw met his throat, managing to coax a soft grunt out of him in the process, arm flexing around her and coaxing her to lean more into him.  One of her hands had abandoned the base of his skull where it had been brushing along his undercut and teasing strands of hair between her fingers, now moving lower towards his shoulder, smoothing over the back plate of his gear he had far too tight for her to slip her fingers under.

She wasn’t daunted by it, however.  She coaxed a small gasp from him she might not have even heard as her hand simply traveled lower to trail along his spine where there wasn’t gear in the way, her other hand burying deeper into his hair to tilt his head in a familiar way that had his heart hammering in his chest, lips brushing against her throat for a brief moment at the new angle as he held his breath to see what would come next.

Her lips brushed along the bite mark from the evening before that had barely started to heal, causing his heart to skip a beat as he wondered if she was about to bite him again in the heat of the moment.  She didn’t, though.  Her lips were tender as they pressed against where one fang had pierced him, and then gently over the other, before she started outlining the mark on his neck with a series of soft kisses that had his breath catching with the tingling warmth it sent flashing through him.

Once he knew he wasn’t about to get bit again, he resumed what he’d been doing seconds ago, working his way slowly down her throat and feeling a rumble of a moan building in her chest, feeling a flash of pride and even a little excitement to be drawing that reaction out of her with his attention to her throat for once.

A knock at the door pulled him sharply out of the heat of the moment and back into their time-limited present, growling against her skin loud enough to drown out the little noise of dismay that escaped her lips at the sound as Levi felt his ire rapidly rear its head.

Now was not the time to be intruding upon him, and whoever it was better have a damn good reason for interrupting him.

“What?” he snapped loud enough for whoever was on the other side of the door to hear him, voice still on the gruff side with how little he’d spoken so far this morning and how soon after he’d woken up it was.

“Commander Erwin has requested to see you, Captain,” Eld’s voice answered from the hall, unable to hear the sigh of irritation Levi couldn’t stop from escaping as his grip tightened around Y/N.

Of fucking course it was going to be Erwin calling on him, the one person he couldn’t ignore, especially since the man was awaiting a report about the events of last night–and he needed to talk to anyway to see about moving forwards with Y/N’s goals.  If it had been anyone else he would have told them to fuck off and wait until later.

He would much rather be here in this moment just a few moments longer–

“I can tell what you’d rather do, instead,” she teased him, voice low and breath soft and tantalizing against his throat, not at all helping him resist the urge to stay here with her a little longer as his heart seemed to beat a bit faster at the thought of staying in here and seeing if he could get more than a few gasps and shivers out of her.

“Shut up,” he hissed in warning, arm tensing slightly around her to hold her tighter, not wanting Eld to hear she was on the other side of his locked door so early in the morning.  He could see a teasing smirk playing across her face out of the corner of his eyes, coaxing something in him to rise at the challenge he saw in it.  As she parted her lips to say something else, likely something sassy, Levi, without really thinking about what he was doing besides giving her a quieter, nonverbal warning to hush, nipped at her jaw with his teeth in warning before she could speak again.

She gasped, the sound sharp and shocked, a flush starting to spread across her cheeks at her reaction.

Levi stilled, taken aback by himself.

“Did…did you just bite me?” she asked in shock, and she barely managed to keep her voice at a lower volume, though she was pushing it, and the twitch of her lips towards a grin, the amusement lighting her eyes and the timbre of her voice giving away she was seconds away from laughing, and likely not quietly, either.  That blush on her cheeks remained astride the amusement, however.

“You just bit a vampire–what the hell possessed yo–”

Her voice was starting to rise in volume, and Levi shushed her, the sound sharp but quiet, and quickly muffled as he decided to double down, leaning in quickly to bite again, except a little bit harder and on her neck this time.  His lips and teeth locked around a sensitive patch of skin he was fairly certain was close to where she normally bit him, and a shiver raced down her body that he felt, a strangled whimper escaping her and prompting him to quickly reach out and cover her mouth to muffle the sound lest it reached Eld in the hall.

She held still after that, her breath warm and slightly quicker than normal against his hand as Levi’s arm shifted around her to hold her restricted against him and kept her from moving, his chin brushing against her collar bone as he lifted his head to lock his gaze on the door across the room.

“I’ll be there in a minute,” he called with a clipped tone.

As much as he wanted to stay here and explore that little discovery and the reaction it had invoked from her more…

Interruptions like this was exactly why he’d been hoping to do this last night when they wouldn’t have been interrupted.  Once the day started he was just too busy for anything, or at least had too much to do with other people.

They held that position for several seconds after Eld’s footsteps could be heard retreating from Levi’s door, his hand still over her mouth, both of them still breathing a bit heavier than normal as they slowly came down from the needy high they’d both just been riding.  As Y/N started to relax, her hands came back up to slowly and gently run through Levi’s hair once more, and figuring they weren’t going to be overheard, or at the very least that they had both calmed down enough they weren’t going to be that loud, Levi carefully lowered the hand that had been covering her mouth.  The only sound between them for the first few moments was the long, slow sigh Levi let escape, eyes closed and allowing him a few precious seconds to relish the feel of her hands through his hair a few moments longer.

“Duty calls,” she eventually said, the first to break the silence as her fingers continued to thread through his hair, though her statement had him opening his eyes again to gaze up at her.  “Can't keep the Commander waiting.”

If it had been anyone other than Erwin…

“Y/N…” he started to say softly, the start of a frown tugging at the corner of his lips.  However, she leaned in to kiss one corner of his mouth, then the other, and then tilted his head just slightly so she could place one more lingering, soft kiss to his forehead.

“Later.  We'll talk later when we have the time.  Right now you're expected,” She told him quietly.  The fact she hadn't moved off him yet despite her statements was the clear evidence he wasn't the only one that didn't want to break the moment.  However, when she did pull back after a last few seconds to relish their moment, her fingers trailed along his jaw, prompting his head to tilt and turn to follow their trajectory before that touch fell away as well, leaving him wanting for more.

“I'll see you later,” she promised as she stepped back and started for the door.  Despite his reluctance to let the moment end, she didn't even make it all the way across the room before Levi dutifully got up to retrieve his jacket and cravat to get back to fully redressed before he headed for the meeting with Erwin.

“You two are all over the place with this issue.  And it's not reassuring that you can't seem to make up your minds on your stances for it.”

Erwin was still seated behind his desk, a place that he seemed to be stuck at more and more often with unusually high piles of reports and papers and plans even by his standards.  The paperwork was momentarily being ignored, kept to its stacks and piles around but not currently in front of Erwin.  He was frowning as he looked over at Levi, thumb idly playing with his index finger in small movements as he considered everything that he'd been told about the situation.

Levi shook his head, still leaning against the wall off to Erwin's right where he'd stayed the whole time he'd been telling the man about last night's developments.  “We've argued over how to handle it, especially since the details coming out about the kid just seems to keep making a bigger mess of it all.  But this recent complication put her on her back foot enough to give her pause and make her rethink it all a bit more.  She's still stubborn as ever about helping him, but she's adapting, and willing to accept help.  She even listened when I told her if he doesn't get around this, she'll have to cut ties.”

“And if it goes that way, do you think she actually will, or is that wishful thinking talking?”

Levi considered.  He hoped if it went that way she would listen, that she’d recognize her inability to help and back off without much fuss.  However, there was almost certainly going to be fuss.  She was probably going to try to help him until she absolutely couldn’t any more.

“It might take her a bit longer than I’d like, but I think she will if she realizes it’s hit a point where she can’t help him, as much as she wants to.”

“And your plan to go force his hand into making a decision.  Going in the day so you’re safe outside his cave is a pretty strong natural protection, and I know you’ll be armed just in case something causes the situation to turn ugly, and she’ll be there to restrain him, so I’m not so concerned about the danger of such a meeting that L/N did take issue with originally.  What I am worried about are the people hunting him, and the growing risk of her, and now you, getting caught in the crossfire if he’s found.  These walls can suddenly turn stifling and far too small when one’s on the run from someone, especially from the military,” Erwin said seriously, holding Levi’s gaze.

Levi could feel the tension that gathered in his shoulders at the way Erwin phrased that, able to sense the danger and even /further/ complication headed their way.  “...You were trying to get some Scouts to volunteer to help in the search to have an in with what was happening.  How did that go?”

Erwin hummed, but his steady gaze did not move from Levi.  “Not well.  You’re aware the Garrison are taking it personally, and there’s a squad or two from the Military Police assisting in making the search more efficient.  My offer for volunteers, as easy as it is to excuse it as soldiers needing something to do to help manage the situation, was diverted to other resources–namely maintaining the peace where the Garrison and Military Police are now lacking during the search for the young vampire.  They’re not letting anyone else in, but from what I’ve gleaned, they’re being very thorough with their search.”

It would have been strange for the Military Police to have gotten involved if it wasn’t for how high profile this mess had become.  A criminal that dangerous that had killed two civilians and five Garrison troops?  Of course the Military Police were going to get involved.

As for Emery…they were going to have to come up with a better solution for what to do about this situation besides making him disappear, especially if part of the point, on a practical level to convince Erwin to allow the attempt to help the kid, had been the potential of another vampire in the Scouts eventually.  That wasn’t going to work if the kid’s face was everywhere and he’d become this legend of a murderer that disappeared within the walls, with the Garrison taking it personally and likely to remember and even recognize the kid’s face in the future.  Not to mention, since there were only so many places to hide within the walls, it was very possible that eventually someone was going to stumble across his hiding place–and they didn’t need any more dead bodies.  There were already too many as the situation stood right now.

Forty years ago, Y/N had to shake the Garrison off her tail as well, and it had been an effective method, but drastic.  He wouldn’t bring it up here, now, with Erwin–he would talk to Y/N first, see what ideas she had that could help settle this issue before it spiraled any further out of control.

As if it hadn’t already–as if they didn’t already have their plates overflowing with all the shit they were busy shoveling right now between the fall of Maria and the resulting refugee and food shortage crisis bearing down on them, Emery–a situation that just kept multiplying in issues–and Y/N’s vampire drama between hunters and her sire, as Erwin had called the vampire that turned her.

“We’ll be mindful of that going forward.  And I’ll add talking about what to do about that situation to the list of things we need to discuss and try to find a solution to while we’re all there.”

Erwin leaned forward, gaze still unwavering from Levi, even as Levi had been mulling over his thoughts.  The scrutiny was something Levi was still trying to adjust to, well aware that Erwin was watching his actions and decisions more closely than he had in some time.  All to make sure the budding relationship between himself and Y/N wasn’t clouding his judgment in any way.  “Do you think that you'll be able to persuade him into being more...considerate of the situation he's created?”

That he was certain of.  No matter how the situation went, Levi was going to draw the line in the sand and make sure the kid ended up on one side or the other, whether that meant they cut ties or they finally made some damn progress.

“If the kid can't make up his mind with the ultimatum he's going to get, then there's no helping him.  Either he listens and accepts the help she's trying to give him, or there won't be any more arrangement,” Levi said flatly.

He was willing to let Y/N try this–as insane as it made him with the rising risks attached to it–and back her decision.  He understood why she was doing it.  But he wasn’t going to allow this kid to create a situation that threatened to destroy everything she’d managed to scrape together for herself recently, that she’d worked so hard to build.

He wasn’t going to allow a situation that would punish her for Emery’s decisions.

Erwin seemed to be satisfied with Levi’s answer, or at least the look in Levi’s eyes while he considered just how resolute he was about making sure Emery didn’t cause Y/N harm directly or indirectly, because he nodded, leaning back in his seat and finally looking away.  “Good.  Then I expect a resolution and progress when you two return from your trip in a few days to help with the refugees staying in the western part of Rose as part of our efforts to help ease the strain of managing this refugee crisis.”

Erwin frowned at the mention of the refugee crisis, and even though it had sounded like the end of the conversation, Levi could tell there was more coming, so he waited to hear what else Erwin had to say.

“Speaking of…just as a warning, Levi:  The Council has started talking about their culling plan again.  Much more actively this time.”

Levi felt his heart stop for a moment.  If they were talking about it actively now, then…it was coming.  Sooner rather than later, no doubt, given the look on Erwin’s face as he poured over more detailed maps of what Levi now saw were parts of the territory of Maria closest to Rose’s wall.

It was close enough Erwin was starting to make plans for how they were going to handle it when the dirty work inevitably got shunted onto them.

Levi didn’t have any words for that.  Didn’t even want to think about it beyond what was necessary, not until it was time for him to have to think about it.  But the warning that it was coming was still appreciated, since it gave him time to start mentally preparing himself.

He didn’t address it, however.  He simply reverted back to the conversation they’d been having before the warning.

“I’ll update her when she’s back from visiting Emery.  We’ll have finished before the end of the week.”

It seemed they wouldn’t be able to afford to be gone any longer than that.

Next Chapter--->

Everything Tags:   @antistellxr 

Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn @ayatosmlktea @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds @imaginationmess @wubbawubwub04 @lollobos @pasteldays @itsmeaudriee @macaronnv @tokyo-banana @apuci-kis-szornye @momowantscats @yellowminb @ashikothedog @notgoodforlife @spnwinchestersd @xxdarkdarlingxx @joy-the-reader

Wings in the Dark Tags: @regalillegal @animeluver23 @theshylittleelfgirl @queenthorin1 @dilucs-thighs @lady-ragnvindr @subtlepjiminie @queenondeezmatatas​​ @linxiajei17 @levisbebe @toni-jones @pinkberrymilktea @ascybous @emmaandemmel @wolfie3616 @aot-fanatic @jencyib @zombiukas @notgoodforlife​ @syviis @captainyanag1

[hash1ras]

𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𓆩♱𓆪

ao3 aot x vampire au coming soon

new orleans. the 1920s.

an underground group known as the agents of paradis are an organization made up of natural + supernatural beings. by day, they run an unsuspecting club in the french quarter. by night, they hunt vampires, werewolves, demons and other various entities. Their mission is simple, protect humanity at all costs.

led by levi ackerman, a sanguine vampire, their rag tag group of friends suddenly find themselves thrown into the middle of a centuries old conflict. A war between the ancient vampire royalty and the rest of the world.

(happy birthday levi my one true love xoxo)

[leverwings]

"Something intoxicating floods his veins, reminiscent of the venom but something deeper, steadier—something easy to fall into, and never return." 🍯🌅 Part 3/3 of the Ambrosia Series.

[delirious-donna]

Best Laid Plans [Part Two]

“Ah. Your timing could not be more perfect, Levi. I assume you heard my offer and felt compelled to interject personally?” Erwin surmised with a knowing smile. Levi wished he could knock his teeth in. 

story summary: Levi isn’t hungry, or so that’s what he claims. A vampire must drink to survive, and his sire refuses to let the man give up without trying every trick up his sleeve. When a new ‘donor’ appears, one who is different from all the rest, will Levi be able to keep resisting?

pairing: Levi Ackerman (vampire) x female reader (human)

warnings: nothing really just vampire antics and allusions to mysteries in both the reader's and Levi's life and backstory, SFW, this is a slow chapter but it is setting up plot points so please bear with me, Erwin is so calculating and I love it...

Part One | Masterlist | Read on AO3 | Part Three

“What does it mean if your blood sings?” 

The question pierced through the oppressive silence like a thorn pricking fresh, unblemished skin. Two sets of eyes fixed on your huddled figure in the back seat of the car, Hange at your side and the driver through the reflection of the rearview mirror.  

You had always wondered why the myth of vampires casting no reflections was so prevalent when it wasn’t true, but now wasn’t the time to dissect the nuances of vampire lore.  

If their expressions alone were not enough to tell you that they were uneasy, then the short sharp gasp from Hange’s throat surely did. 

“Is that… did he say that your blood was singing?” Hange finally asked, humourless and at full alert. 

You chewed at your fingernails, a habit you hadn’t indulged in years, and slowly nodded. The weight of the driver’s eyes felt uncomfortable, forcing you to curl further into yourself to hide from his penetrating stare. Hot fear trickled down your spine, the sense that perhaps you shouldn’t have voiced your question was overwhelming. You felt foolish for speaking at all. It served as a reminder that whilst you had been met with nothing but kindness, these people were not your friends. 

“We have to report this,” the driver said directly to Hange. 

“Hold your horse, Miche! Stop acting so whipped. It might be a simple misunderstanding.” The brunette turned their body towards you, slowly reaching for your hand like you might do to a fearful child. “Can you tell me exactly what Levi said?” 

Their touch was cool, and a tingling sensation spread from your fingertips right through your hand and up your arm. Your mind hushed; the overabundance of noise shooed towards the periphery of your conscious as if soothed by the physical connection. In your right mind, you might have questioned if something else was at play, but the thought was so far removed that all you could think about was the man you had been reluctant to leave behind. 

His stern face was imprinted behind your eyelids so that each time you blinked, he flashed back at you with those grey mercurial eyes swirling ominously. The words were so clear in your memory that it felt like you were still living in that moment, his voice so ragged with rage and what felt like fear that you wanted to run… but in which direction? The shift had been sudden, so completely unexpected and you didn’t know why you had any emotions other than terror when you knew nothing about him. 

“He said… ‘your blood, it’s singing to me.’ I don’t know what he meant but he looked terrified by it. Is that not normal? Is there something wrong with me? With my blood?” 

Panic rose along with bile in your throat. Memories flashed behind your eyes and threatened to consume you. Images of hospital wards along with sensory overload, the smell of antiseptic and death, the sound of constant beeping machines and the harsh glare of fluorescent white strip lighting. It was not the time and place to be succumbing to your worst memories, you were not as safe as they wanted you to feel.  

Your fingertips dug harshly into the meat of your palms, deeper and deeper until you could concentrate on the pain of nails embedding sharply into skin. 

Hange stared at you intently.  

Little did you know that their heart was jumping wildly in their chest from the excitement of what this could mean. Unlike Levi, they recalled the stories of old that Erwin would regale them with and the wistful expression he would wear whilst speaking. If what they remembered was true, this discovery could be monumental, and not just for Levi—though he likely didn’t realise either way—but for every vampire. 

The balance of power would be disrupted, of that they were certain. The scientific part of their brain was loathe to discuss it so soon with Erwin, despite Miche’s immediate inclination to do so. Wouldn’t it be far more intriguing to let events play out just for a smidge longer...? To tease out more information that was very likely being held close to the chest right now. It would be naïve to think that Erwin didn’t already have some inkling, especially when thinking back to just how pleased he had seemed when you walked willingly into their world. Right now, it was important to settle your anxieties. 

“Hey, don’t worry. Your blood is fine. You are fine, more than fine! Let’s get you back to the estate and to your quarters, I’ll even call ahead and have a bath waiting for you. I think a nice hot soak will help you clear your head.” 

Hange was already lifting the phone to their ear, listening to the dial tone whilst you stammered and hiccupped about not wanting to be a bother. Their eyes rolled over and there was a sense of deflation at your meek display. Levi would walk all over you if given half the chance, or at least send you running for the hills if he was feeling magnanimous.  

Where was the strong woman from earlier? The one who had squared their shoulders and walked towards their fate with head held high and not a falter in their heart rate. Ten minutes in the presence of Levi Ackerman had reduced you to the mass of nerves sitting beside them, and they scowled at that fool of a man. 

~ 

He didn’t know what to do with himself. He supposed there wasn’t much he could do, not without crawling back to his master and he was loathe to do so. It would prove that he needed Erwin Smith and there was not a single desire in his body to let that be proved true. 

Levi paced the width of the room, and every pace increased his frustration, confusion and annoyingly, his curiosity. He could still smell you in the room, if he closed his eyes, he could believe you were still here, still sat with that impossibly brave demeanour cloaking your true feelings and those inquisitive eyes. 

There was a vein of trepidation in his wandering mind… could you know more than you let on? Perhaps you were in cahoots with that bastard to bring him to his knees like he wanted but could not achieve on his own. 

No. 

Your expression when he spoke of the song of your blood was truly innocent, or at least, innocent in this particular matter. A fear that mirrored his own reflected back from your eyes and absolved you of the sin of knowledge. Levi couldn’t or wouldn’t admit to why this soothed him. It shouldn’t hold any weight, but it did. It did. 

He pushed a hand, trembling with barely restrained fury, through his hair and growled aloud as he strode back to his desk. The phone he hated to use was in his hand, the number imprinted on his memory punched out without thought and with two short rings, it clicked over to a commanding baritone that sent nails down a chalkboard in his head. 

“I’m surprised it took you this long, Levi. Your restraint is to be marvelled, if not exactly admired.” 

Levi counted silently, biting down hard on his tongue to stop himself from making demands that he might come to regret. If Erwin were to find out that he had exploded at the thought of his sire tasting your blood… well… he would use that information against him and leverage it for Levi’s cooperation and return to the fold. 

“Shall I continue to talk, and you simply listen? Doesn’t sound very fun for me,” Erwin continued. 

“Bullshit. You’ve always loved the sound of your own voice,” Levi countered with a hiss. He couldn’t stand the humour filling Erwin’s words when he felt like his insides were being ripped apart. 

“Come now… there is no need for foul language.” 

The sound of Erwin reclining in his chair painted the image vividly through Levi’s mind down to every minute detail. He may as well be in that office, the one he had been in so many times he couldn’t count. The scent of ink wafted through his nose, followed by traces of cloves and honeysuckle from the gladiolus adorning every windowsill. 

Levi gritted his teeth and exhaled deeply through his nose. “You expected my call, why?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Erwin chirped merrily. 

“Answer the fu—” He paused to reel in his temper. “Answer the question.” 

“She’s special, I guess you noticed it too given your reaction. Did she taste as sweet as I thought she might?” Erwin asked with more than a hint of genuine curiosity that had Levi pausing in his tracks. 

Erwin hadn’t tasted her. He wished desperately that the sense of relief flooding his system didn’t toll his own doom, but he could ponder that foreboding thought later. Without realising, he had slumped into his chair. Every muscle eased as the high alert drained out of his body and left behind the hunger that was now so potent he could barely move a finger without the ache snapping to life with a bark. 

“I wouldn’t know,” Levi admitted sullenly. 

There was a clatter on the other side of the line. “You resisted again? Are you out of your mind? I don’t know what the hell to say… Levi, do you know what someone would pay to sample a donor that unique?” 

“Will you shut up? I’ve told you that I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m not some young brat that you need to haul back into line and you of all people should know that.” Silence met him, heavy and meaningful. After a beat, he added a concession. “Not that I really got the chance anyway, she was escorted rather hastily out of my home by your lackeys.” 

At that moment, there was a faint knocking on Erwin’s side of the conversation and Levi held his breath when Hange’s voice drifted into his ear. They gave a very brief rundown of what had transpired, far briefer than Levi deserved given how recklessly he had acted. He was busy wondering what Hange was up to when your voice piped up and his body jolted upright. 

“Did he hurt you, my dear? He can be rather coarse, and I apologise for not warning you thoroughly,” Erwin enthused. Levi wanted to scoff but he had the feeling that no one in the room knew he was listening in except for Erwin. 

“No no! You misunderstand… he didn’t do anything wrong. I-I think maybe he doesn’t like me, that’s all. Perhaps I’m not the match you believed me to be.” 

Levi wanted to grab you by the shoulders and shake you. Why the fuck were you covering for his actions? They were inappropriate and you should be doing everything in your power to be kept away from him and here you were… protecting him. Stupid human. 

“Oh, is that right? Well… I think Levi liked you much more than he expected to and that scared him. I urge you not to hold that against him, he has been trying to starve himself this past month and the hunger can be overpowering, even for us old-timers.” 

“Hm. That makes sense, I guess. May I ask—why is he not feeding? Is he sick?” you asked with a thread of worry in your tone that wound around Levi’s withering heart. It pulled tighter and tighter with every faint thump the dying organ gave. 

Erwin made a noncommittal noise, and Levi could practically envisage the shoulder shrug that more than likely accompanied it. Vampire politics were rarely up for discussion amongst vampires, even less so with donors, no matter how special they might or might not be. 

“That might be a question for the man himself. However, since you seem unsure of his interest, I must ask if you would consider being a donor for someone else in my clan? I would hate to see a good investment go to waste…” 

The bastard! 

Levi shadowstepped without realising. 

His focus on Erwin’s voice would always be enough to tether him to his location and he stopped short of stalking towards the much taller man with murder in his eyes only by the surprised scream that you gave at his sudden appearance. 

“Ah. Your timing could not be more perfect, Levi. I assume you heard my offer and felt compelled to interject personally?” Erwin surmised with a knowing smile. Levi wished he could knock his teeth in. 

“You-you were listening?” you asked, eyes scanning around the room but continually returning to Levi and searching his eyes. 

He turned to face you directly, ignoring the jab at his expense in favour of wrestling his temper into submission. The song of your blood started immediately this time. Unlike the first meeting when it hadn’t been initially apparent, now it resonated in his ears and calmed the worst of his ire.  

You were doing everything in your mortal power to not look scared and that both annoyed and pleased him. He had seen far less foolish humans be eaten alive by the predators he considered his kin, and he doubted you understood how dangerous this situation could be. 

Levi hadn’t dared to mention the blood singing to his sire for fear that the information would be used against him, or worse that it would bring harm to his or your door. He hoped you wouldn’t have mentioned it to anyone either, but he couldn’t know for sure until he had the opportunity to speak with Hange and Miche, who were both surprisingly absent.  

For now, he could only pretend not to hear its sweet melody—a torturous task when all he wanted to do was reach out and pull you into his arms so he could run his nose along the thumping pulse in your neck. 

“I must apologise once more. I thought I had disconnected our phone call but apparently, I was careless,” Erwin lied easily. “Levi called me because he was concerned for your welfare, isn’t that right?” The blond turned to Levi, his artic blue eyes twinkling with the challenge to defy him. 

The desire to choke him out was palpable, his fingers twitching whilst they curled into tight fists and then flexed loose. He hated to be baited like this. Erwin knew this, of course, he did. More than a couple of centuries together would teach you a thing or two even if you weren’t as infamously observant as Erwin Smith. 

Levi swallowed his pride and called out your name, the syllables melding together on his tongue like a lover’s caress. “I should be the one apologising. As you have been informed,” he glanced towards Erwin who had moved back towards his desk to give the two of you the illusion of space, “I haven’t been eating for some time and my emotions got the better of me.” 

“It’s okay… no one got hurt and—” 

“Whether or not someone got hurt is beside the point.” Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. “I acted rashly, and you deserve far better than that. Would you allow me a second chance to get to know you before I decide if you are a good fit as my donor?” 

You paused, mouth forming a perfect oval and the rogue thought of placing his finger inside to feel the warm velvet of your tongue struck across his conscious like a lightning bolt. He wanted you. He didn’t want you. He wanted to push you away so hard that you would never dare to approach him again. He wanted to bring you into the safety of his arms to protect you until your dying day.  

It was too much, and the confusion was the worst of it. 

“I think I’d like that,” you sighed breathlessly, the skin of your décolleté heating from the sudden rush of blood to the surface and that was the final straw. 

“Until then, goodnight.” 

Levi shadowstepped before you or Erwin could think to stop him. He walked the hallways towards his bedroom and thought about that smug bastard’s face with every heavy stomp of his foot against the carpet. Whilst the idea of leaving you there with him made his blood boil, it was for the best. He couldn’t afford another outburst when things were so precarious. 

Inside his bedroom, he went to his private collection of books and pulled out a stack for research. He needed to know everything he possibly could about blood singing before Erwin caught wind of the situation. If there was a way out of this predicament then he needed to know and fast, because he would be damned if his carefully laid plans were going to be destroyed this easily, and yet… 

The best-laid plans of mice and men so often go astray. 

[sneak-pieck]

Vampire!Pieck AU 🦇

🩸🗡🦇 This is merely a cos-test, but I've taken so many pictures that I've grown to love really quickly,so I figured I could post them!

l've never posted on Tumblr before,so I am quite nervous about this, (l don't have a good self image😢) but I honestly just wish to make friends that have the same interests as me! ^-^

[levihandynasty]

WIP list

Fanfic

BeruMaru angst, canon universe.

PkPk angst, modern au.

JeanMarc Modern au.

Oc Creation 1st aot oc.

Eremika Short fic, angst, Vampire au.

Jean fic can't specify this, idk how

Gallirei Angst, canon universe

Porco X Nico with @sneak-pieck, a crack-ship/rarepair of ours.

Willy Tybur fic. Tba

+ a non aot fic. I thought I had sm more to work on, but maybe it's not that bad after all. Of course, these get pushed back a bit whenever I partake in the AOT discord's bi-weekly writing challenge, but this really should be doable.

Especially if I start (and finish) the Eremika one, even tho that's the one I'm the least excited about. I have been considering trashing it.

[madebydun]

Eruri Week 2024 day one prompt: vampires

(Yeah, I know it's a little late but life's been crazy recently 😅). I experimented with completely new techniques (please, be gentle 🥺) and, as usual, set the bar waaaay too high and now I'm disappointed with the results :p

Also, this picture has a soundtrack! :D It was inspired by this song:

Tell me who you wanna be

And I will set you free

There's a darkness at the heart of my love

That runs cold, runs deep

The darkness at the heart of my love so bold, so sweet

And all this time you knew

That I would put you through

The darkness at the heart of my love for you

[sunflowersunite]

Chapter 3 of the vampire AU is OUT.

@quillsandblades and I are having more and more of a blast as it goes on.

Another set of main characters make their appearance in this one, so a round of applause for EMA everyone

Summary:

“Sir! Detective Smith, come quick! I don’t even know what’s happening, she didn’t even explain…” Hange’s assistant spoke deliriously from the other end. “Moblit? What is going on?” “It’s Hange, sir. I’m calling from her house, she just arrived, cold as a corpse, and she… she isn’t listening to me! Says she found something, and you won’t believe… come quickly, please!”

[chaotic-on-main]

vampire!Levi Ackerman Levi Week '23 | Day 5 - vampireAU

☾ This may be a no brainer, but Levi doesn’t sleep. Even though he could during the day, he just doesn’t. ☾ He spends a lot of his time reading and painting. ☾ In the town he resides in, there’s a local shelter in place for those who need a roof and food. Since he doesn’t need to eat human food, he likes to cook meals for the shelter and donates it freely. At night, you might even find him volunteering to dish it out. ☾ He’s extremely rich due to how long he’s been alive, but he chooses to live simply. He doesn't need much. ☾ His diet is mainly filled with deer and such (yes, think the vegetarian Twilight vampires). ☾ He never eats in excess and only hunts when he needs to, which is maybe once or twice a week. ☾ He’s been alone for most of his life, and he doesn’t mind it that way. ☾ Despite his cold exterior, he is quite romantic and soft on the inside.

@leviweek2023

[kayliraine]

another vampire eremika 🩸

[youre-ackermine]

My entry for Levi Week Day 5: Vampire AU

Cross posted on X (Twitter)

@leviweek2023

My entry for Day 1: Tea Shop HERE ▫️My entry for Day 2: Underground City HERE ▫️My entry for Day 3: Affection & Fondness HERE ▫️My entry for Day 4: Dad/Family HERE ▫️My entry for Day 5: No Name Band AU HERE

Follow the event on Tumblr HERE

Follow the event on X/Twitter HERE

[angelanimedesaray]

Wings in the Dark Chapter 34: Voices in the Silence

AN: Okay, not to panhandle for comments/feedback, but 34 and 35 has been a labor of love and frustration and pain that altogether turned out as 30,000 words before edits and was originally one chapter before I split it. Please, I love you all, please give feedback, I may actually cry if I hardly hear anything with how much time and effort, blood, sweat, and tears, has gone into these two chapters trying to get them JUST RIGHT.

And a side note/"Fun" fact for those who have seen Thunderbolts*, ah, I swear I wrote that last scene LONG before I went and watched Thunderbolts* O.o Pinky Promise. But the irony is not lost on me.

ACTUAL "Fun" Fact: Gasoline by Halsey and Far From Home by Five Finger Death Punch were my favorite songs to listen to writing this chapter <3 ;)

Characters: Levi, Fem!Vampire!Reader, Erwin, Hange; Briefly: Pyxis, Miche, Petra, Moblit, Eld, Gunther, Oluo, Various Unnamed Characters

Pairing: Levi x Fem!Vampire!Reader

Warnings: Language, Blood/Gore, Violence, Mentions/Descriptions of Violent Death, Intentional/Planned Mass Casualty Event, Disassociation, Mental/Emotional Breakdown, Panic/Anxiety Attack, Severe Trauma

Word Count: 13493

<----Previous Chapter Masterlist Next Chapter---->

*Reader’s POV*

Two days had not been enough time, and passed by faster than you could process.

The Scouts had all already been briefed on their positions and duties on the first of the two days, giving them time to confirm, memorize, and prepare themselves.  Those that had been selected to lead the three hundred thousand beyond the walls were admittedly given a wide berth by the others, no one quite sure how to talk to them and giving them the space they needed to process what they were going to be taking direct part in.  During the briefing, you had caught plenty of pale faces wilt in relief when they were put at the rear of the three hundred thousand in the hopes and beliefs that they would have a better chance at surviving if they were at the back.  When the names of the squads staying on the wall to cover a return were called, however, you’d also caught a few bitterly envious glances thrown the way of squads like Levi’s, Hange’s, and Miche’s that were going to be spared the worst of the ugliness despite their skills.

Or rather, because of them.

It might have just been in your head, but you’d felt more stares on you than the others, unable to skip a mandatory debriefing of what was to come and having to sit through the whole thing and simply endure, to pretend you couldn’t see or feel the other scouts staring you down for your apparent perfect health.

Levi didn’t say a word when you followed hot on his heels back to his office and pretty much refused to leave until the late hours of the night, and returned before the sun could rise high enough in the sky for more than a handful of scouts to be moving about headquarters.  That was enough to tell you it likely wasn’t in your head, and he had noticed it, too.

The second day you spent helping with the preparations for the operation that you could do from the safety of headquarters, memorizing the different parts of this operation as a whole so you could follow what was going to be happening, doing equipment checks, repairs, and refills to make sure everything was in perfect condition, running messages for Levi to the other Squad Leaders, Section Commanders, and Erwin, helping make sure all the horses were in peak condition, whatever you could do to keep yourself too busy to think.

But now it was here.  No more distractions, no more busywork, no more delays.  Trost was bursting with even more people than normal as the three hundred thousand and the Scouts–as well as the Garrison members that were helping to make sure all three hundred thousand were here and nobody slipped through the cracks–spilled into the city as preparations came to a head and the time to send them to the slaughter drew near.  The Scout horses were either bearing a rider and finding their positions to herd the three hundred thousand outside the walls, or were secured in military stables near the wall stations themselves for the lucky few that got to wait on the wall to cover the eventual return.

At the moment, you stood with the others waiting for the lift to finish bringing supplies up to the wall, half of the Scouts stationed on the wall already up top to unload the supplies.  There wasn’t much being used for the operation, since they didn’t want to waste supplies on an operation that was meant to fail.  Those that were going beyond the wall had spare sets of blades and an extra canister of gas per scout in the hopes of boosting their chances to return to the wall, hidden as best as possible to reduce the chances of the civilians making them a target to steal their supplies once the nightmare started.  

The Scouts on the wall had a full set of blades and filled gas with a few spares on hand just in case they were needed, though you had a sneaking suspicion that the reduced supplies were not only for conservation, but also to force those on the wall to be mindful of the limited supplies and not have the supplies to rescue a larger number of people in the return trip than what humanity could afford to take back.

Though the Scouts were reluctant and not at all happy to be doing this, Erwin was still being brutally efficient for the true goal in his planning.  It was probably for the best–it would deprive the nobility of any ammunition for grounds to disband the Scouts.

As you waited for the unloading up on the wall to finish and for the lift to be lowered once more, you tried to only look upwards at the wall or at the horses in the nearby stable, trying not to look at the throng of people being gathered to be ushered outside the gate.  Despite your best efforts, there wasn’t a lot for you to look at that didn’t have some heartbreaking scene for you to spot even just out of the corner of your eyes.

One man had a ‘spear’ that was basically a whittled large stick he had planted the blunt end of into the ground and was leaning heavily against, looking at the ground with a blank thousand meter stare.

Another woman was sitting on the ground, no weapons that you could see on her, hands loosely clasped in her lap as she silently cried and people shuffled around her.

What you assumed to be a brother and sister were leaning into one another for support, the brother trying to convince the smaller sister to take the larger kitchen knife they had for a weapon and give him the smaller one.

Close enough that you couldn’t block out the sounds of the sobbed pleas of the little girl, a mother and her daughter were saying goodbye to the father and husband, the mother having to carry the little girl away as she screamed and cried for her papa.

You wished you could close off your hearing, make it so you didn’t have to hear the tearful goodbyes and the sobbing, the pleas, but there were so many people that all the focusing in the world couldn’t drown them all out.  You could focus on the people giving orders, try to keep an ear open for if someone was trying to order you to do something, but even focusing couldn’t drown them all out, you still heard the louder people, the screaming children and cries, all cutting through your focus and demanding they be heard as well.

Your eyes were burning with tears you were already trying desperately to hold back, hands itching to raise and cover your ears, to try and physically block out the sounds that were wrapping around your heart like thorny vines and pulling, as if trying to yank your heart from your chest with every new cry.  But you were well aware that it would look like you were about to have a breakdown, and you couldn’t have that, not here, not in front of all these people that were about to march to their deaths.  Even if the emotions scalding your chest said that you very much were on the edge of emotionally cracking to be witnessing all of this, you could not react, you had to keep it all together, at least outwardly.

A loud clang next to you jostled you out of the overwhelming sounds for a moment, bringing you back to focus on your immediate surroundings as the lift returned to the bottom, the gate opening for the rest of the scouts that were going to be stationed on the wall to get on.  You filed on gratefully and perhaps a little too eagerly, stepping into the corner and leaning against the iron railing as the others also climbed on.  Petra made her way to your side, resting a tentative hand on your shoulder as everyone squeezed in and the gate was slid shut.

“Are you okay?” she asked, voice low enough to not draw the attention of the others in the lift, but loud enough to still be heard over the cacophony of all the people that were filling the streets.

“No,” you told her honestly.  No one was okay today, but some were much better at hiding it than others.  “But I’ll be okay when I’m needed,” you told her.

In response, she gave your shoulder a silent squeeze of reassurance and support, letting it drop away before someone could notice.

The waiting through it all and doing nothing was part of what was going to be so hard.  Once you would be able to go and do something, to cover a retreat and rescue someone, though, you would be able to focus and be more present, and would have the backs of your comrades to help make sure they didn’t die here.

Petra’s gaze was sympathetic, and you noticed that not only was she paler than normal, but there was a tremble in her hand.  You weren’t the only one, then.  All of you were trying to put on a brave face, to stay calm enough that it would hopefully strengthen the people around you to get this done and over with.

The Garrison were busy clearing Titans from the immediate area outside of the wall to clear the way for the three hundred thousand to leave.  Once they did, the large force could hopefully get a couple miles out before running into more Titans, and hopefully it would be far enough none of them could see or hear what was happening.

Hopefully they got far enough away that you wouldn’t be able to see or hear what was happening.

The lift was slow to raise, bringing you higher and higher, allowing you to see more of Trost and to see just how far the crowd that was being herded together stretched, could see the Garrison soldiers standing on roofs and posted at the ends of roads and alleys to make sure the selected civilians didn’t try to bolt.  You’d already heard of one or two desperate souls that had tried and it had ended…badly for them, and you were certain there had been others in the past two days.  How many had been forced back into this crowd, and how many had been killed already?

Don’t be sick.  If you’re sick all the way up here, the people down below certainly won’t thank you for it.

The lift finally came high enough that you could simply turn your head and start to see the top of the wall, several pairs of boots standing near the edge waiting for the lift to finish rising.  You knew which one was Levi before the lift even finished its ascent, gaze meeting his as the lift slowed and came to a stop.

They were a darker grey blue than normal, and it wasn’t just because his back was to the sun right now and his shadow was being cast in front of him.  His arms were crossed over his chest while he waited, the wind this high up blowing his hair and cape around in wild bursts from the occasional stronger gust that he seemed to be ignoring entirely.

He was far more capable of hiding his true feelings on this whole mess than you were, at least right now.  In the more private spaces you two shared you had seen plenty to let you know how much he was hating every second of this.  But up here, amongst the other soldiers and on the way in when you were passing civilians, he remained stoic, eyes fixed forwards, the only giveaway to how he truly felt the darker look in his eyes and the tension you knew how to spot after you’d seen him so many times completely at ease.  You could see he was holding his shoulders higher, that his grip on things was tighter, and his lips were a bit thinner from being pressed together as if he was holding back a scowl or a blatant frown.

Thankfully, as the lift brought you level with the top of the wall, the wind helped to drown out the specifics of the words down below, though you could still hear the mass of sound, the hum of people speaking, and cries and wails of distress and parting still reached your more sensitive ears all the way up here.  Sometimes it felt like the wind was carrying them upwards to you, as if the sound was trying to push you forwards and over the other edge of the wall.

Once the gate opened, those inside broke apart and went with the officers waiting for the rest of their squads to head to their positions on the wall, Levi waiting for you and Petra to eventually disembark just before a group of three that had been reluctantly huddled into the other far corner.  As you came close, Levi took what seemed to be a subconscious half step in your direction, bringing him closer to you as he turned to start walking, leading the two of you off to the left of the lift.

“We’re on the first watch shift for the eastern side of the wall.  Hange’s squad will relieve us after a couple hours and we’ll be on standby with Command until it’s time to rotate again,” Levi reminded the two of you.

You could see Oluo, Gunther, and Eld waiting not too far up ahead, in full gear, sulking and grim each in their own ways.  Eld was staring south out beyond the wall into the lost Maria territory, Oluo kicking idly at the wall beneath him, and Gunther keeping his gaze fixed on the three approaching him with a look that seemed more vacant than focused.

There were no illusions up here about what was actually happening.  Everyone up here didn’t have civilians to put up a front for and were well aware of what the purpose of this mission was.  Up here, it was grim acceptance of a horrific duty.

“For Miche’s Squad,” you commented for Levi, showing that you had heard his reminder and knew what squad you would take the place of after standby.

If this even took that long, with how poorly equipped the civilians were.  They didn’t have a fighting chance, just scraps to cling to in vain for a feeble illusion of comfort.

Once the whole squad had regrouped, Levi divided everyone into pairs–Gunther and Oluo, Petra and Eld, and of course Levi put you with him–and told everyone to spread out on this eastern part of the border wall of Trost, making sure they could still comfortably see the next group over if they needed to pass along information about something spotted.  Levi put you and him in the middle position of the three groups, further away from the center over the gate but not so far from the exit point that the two of you would be as far removed from the three hundred thousand as you could be while still being part of this operation.

As tempted as he may have been to do so, he still did not use his position to get the two of you out of this, but rather put you as close to the worst of it as he could and still give the two of you a bit of privacy from the other squads and command located closer to the center over the gate.

You and Levi walked in silence for the first few minutes, Oluo and Gunther up ahead as they made their way to the farthest point Levi had given.  It was nice to have something else to focus on to drown out a touch more of the noise below.  Up here you could still hear what was happening on the streets below, but you could also hear the wind blowing by, the footsteps of your squad traversing the wall and the slight rattle of the gear shifting and bumping against your thighs with every step, could hear Levi’s steady breathing if you focused on it, could hear his heartbeat strong and rhythmic beside you–

It made the sounds down below a little less distinct, though they were still present.

Levi’s gaze slid to you walking a half a step behind him and within arm’s reach beside him, subtly analyzing the way you were carrying yourself, the emotions flickering in your eyes, the expression on your face as you walked in silence together.  You pretended you didn’t notice, though the façade disappeared once Levi stepped close enough his hand could drop to yours and his fingers could gently brush against the back of your hand.  The gesture was slight and brief, but you felt your skin tingle and warm where he’d touched, and you felt reassured, even if it was only for a few moments, to have him there beside you.

Not alone; weathering it together, like you’d silently promised after Erwin had informed you this was happening.  You were standing with someone who was able to read you well enough he would know if you needed support, and Levi pairing with you when he divided the squad had made sure you would be with him through every step.  Your job would be to return in kind while the two of you waited for your part at the finale of this nightmare.

When the two of you reached where you were supposed to be, Levi came to a slow stop, turning to face out towards the territory of Maria beside you, gaze fixed on the horizon for a few seconds before his gaze lowered to the hills, forests, and fields that were in the more immediate view.

“For now, we keep an eye out for Titans in the area–they need enough clearance to get far enough from Rose they don’t end up attracting a mess of Titans to Trost on their way out.  Once the way’s clear several miles out, they’ll start the operation,” Levi reminded you, and you wondered if he was repeating the information just to try and keep you focused on the here and now instead of the horrific thoughts of what was to come that wanted to seep into every dark crevice of your mind.

“And then we wait until whatever small force is left, returns,” you responded quietly, watching a small formation of birds flying overhead and out over the lost territory stretching out in front of you.

Levi didn’t answer, but it was enough that he didn’t withdraw, either, keeping himself planted at your side overlooking the territory in front of the two of you.

Occasionally, a small team of Garrison soldiers would jump down with their ODM gear and work together to slice through the nape of a Titan, gradually clearing the space that the force below would have to traverse.  The scouts on the wall stayed stationary during the whole process, under strict orders to conserve their supplies until the return trip and leave this part to the Garrison soldiers.  When you glanced to the members of your squad in their respective positions to the left and right of where you and Levi were standing, you could see them shifting restlessly while the Garrison worked, wanting to go out and assist, to help cover the backs of their fellow soldiers, but they held to their orders and stayed where they were, watching and waiting, signaling whenever they spotted a Titan on the horizon headed their way.

You didn’t know how much time passed like that with you and Levi standing close enough your shoulders would brush, but not talking, occasionally signaling that a Titan had been spotted, watching the surrounding area and the Garrison soldiers working their way much slower through the Titans along the wall than the Scouts would have if they were the ones doing the exterminating.

It did, however, give the soldiers inside Trost time to make sure that everyone was gathered and accounted for in the masses down below, and eventually you spotted a Garrison soldier use their ODM gear instead of the lift to get to where command was stationed just above the gate to deliver a message, speaking with Commander Erwin and the Garrison Commander…Pyxis, before receiving their orders and heading back down.

Not long after their departure, the bells of the city began to ring, and you felt your heart leap so violently into your throat you thought that you were going to vomit it right out onto the wall beneath you.  You leaned forward slightly from the force of it, the height of the wall and the sheer drop in front of you making you dizzy for the first time ever as you realized it was here, it was happening.

“Steady,” you heard Levi say beside you, and suddenly you felt his hand in yours, fingers twining tightly with your own, your now joined hands hidden between the two of you so no one else would see.  His grip was firm, hands warm, his calluses rough, but he held you to his side with his strength, as if keeping you anchored right there, pulling you slightly back from the edge that had made you dizzy to look down and keeping your moment of distress from sending you toppling over.

Your return grip was desperate in how tightly it clung to him, though you were careful not to use so much strength you accidentally broke any of the bones in his hand.  Instead, you let more of your arm hook into his, shuffling slightly closer and trying to get your heart to calm back down as the tolling of the bells continued relentlessly, causing your heart to pound painfully in your chest as frantic panic tried to seep into your bones.

This can’t be happening, this isn’t happening.  This is wrong, it’s vile, so many people, so many families getting torn apart, and we’re just going to stand here and let the Titans rip them apart and devour them?  We’re just going to do nothing?  How can this be happening, how can we be agreeing to this, letting this play out?  We should be saving people, not killing them, we’re not here to kill such a large part of humanity, we’re supposed to be preserving it.

The words clawed into your throat like Emery’s fingers had gouged your arms when he met Levi, trying to rake their way out of your throat by force in a scream that felt like it would tear you apart from the inside if you let it find purchase.  But you held them trapped, kept your lips pressed firmly together and your eyes unseeing on the horizon as the gate for Trost lifted.

You knew why this was happening.  You knew it had to happen.  Knew you had to stand here and let it play out, and something inside you was turning wrathful and desperate to have to go against your instinct and desire to do something.  You refused to open your mouth and let it free, though.  You swallowed it down as best you could and stayed rooted in the spot, refusing to look down as calls to advance and flimsy, hollow shouts to fight for humanity and reclaim the land urged the three hundred thousand through the gates, the massive crowd spilling into the lost land stretching out in front of you.

Neither of you mentioned the tremble in your hand, or the blank stare you had that gave away the fact that you weren’t doing your job as a lookout at all right now and were leaving that part to Levi while you grappled for internal stability.  You didn’t mention that you felt Levi’s grip tighten on your own when it started, or how you heard his heartbeat pick up speed.

When the last of the three hundred thousand passed the gates, it lowered once more, the heavy thud of the thick spikes digging once more into the earth a haunting sound that seemed to echo in your ears with morbid finality.

The squad was on standby near the command’s post when you first started to hear it.

Initially, you thought your mind was playing tricks on you, the anticipation and the waiting while filled with dread and unable to do anything but imagine what was happening or about to happen, while also trying to shove the thoughts aside and focus on anything else, could have easily conjured sounds that you imagined you heard in the wind.  Everyone was restless and on edge, though they were all presenting it in different ways as they all waited for some kind of sign or signal that would tell them what was happening.  However, no one wanted to speak, so the silence was filled only by the wind and the movement of the people on the wall.

That notion evaporated when you heard it again only moments later, carried to you on the wind and a bit louder than the first had been.

Screaming.  Blood curdling screams that made chills slip down your spine and set your teeth on edge.

Considering no one else seemed to be reacting to it, only you could hear it.  You and your damned vampire senses could hear the sounds of a massacre underway who knew how far away, carried to you on the wind.

Don’t, don’t focus on it, don’t think about it, focus on someone else, anyone else–

Someone was shrieking so loud and forcefully it made your throat hurt to hear, before it abruptly ended.

It was too silent up here, everyone else was stuck in the suspended silence of waiting and watching, but you, you could hear the man screaming and sobbing for his mother and father, the howled curses thrown at someone for breaking the speaker’s leg so that the Titans would get them instead, the woman shrieking for the scouts to do something–

“Y/N.”

Levi’s voice next to you was just enough to briefly pull you back to where you were standing, a hand pressed against your stomach as if you were trying to physically hold back the nausea overcoming you.  He only said your name, and it only worked for the few seconds he was speaking before the sounds returned of people screaming, pleading, cursing, dying–

“Talk to me.  Please,” you asked, voice coming out in a ragged gasp as the horror and grief and helplessness scorched you from the inside out.  You could not stand here and listen to this–there would be nothing left of you.

“Are you–?”

“I can hear them,” you whispered, and you heard Levi’s heartbeat pick up at your admission, could tell he was standing perfectly still beside you.  “Please.  I need something else to listen to, I can’t…”

More screams for parents that couldn’t come save their children, whether they were long gone in the ground or somewhere behind the safety of the walls and unable to hear their pleas.

“If you want someone to ramble at you, I’m shit at that, Hange might be better–”

“Hange’s taking the lookout position right now, and I’m not in her squad.  Levi, I just…I just need you to talk to me, please.  Anything.  I’ll even listen to every shit joke you can think of, just–please.”

You looked up at him at last with your last plea, meeting his gaze to see that they were slightly wider than normal, he was taken aback, and the look in his eyes to see the pain mounting in yours as you continued to have to listen in the silence–

Levi’s hand was suddenly on your elbow, pulling you with him towards the western stretch of the wall.  “Erwin!  We’re doing a lap, we’ll be back,” Levi called to Erwin without looking back or waiting for an answer.  The squad hadn’t been on standby that long, so you could probably make a lap around Trost and still get back before it was time to relieve Miche’s squad from their watch.

You could feel Erwin’s gaze burning into your back as the two of you walked away, but you didn’t turn around, focused on trying to swallow down the distress that was bubbling in your throat, the hollow feeling being carved into your chest with every scream and plea you overheard.  Levi let go of your elbow once you were walking with him, but he stayed right at your side with how unsteadily you still walked, dizzy with the overwhelming emotions again, the distress, the inability to shut it out.

You had been around death, had heard scouts devoured by Titans while testing out your abilities in the field, had heard murders, heard heartbreaking final moments, heard families butchered during Madaline’s rampage, had been an instrument of death yourself for decades.  Death was not new to you.

What made this so much different was the sheer scale of it all, how it had been intentional and sanctioned, and how you would continue to have to do nothing until there was an acceptable amount of survivors.  The nature of this whole thing…was so much different than anything you’d witnessed or been a part of so far.

And it was tearing you apart from the inside out.

After the two of you had left the command station that had the more concentrated gathering of soldiers, Levi guided you both to walk along the inner edge of the wall, giving you a bit more space from the members of Miche’s squad that were walking along the outer edge of the wall to patrol while on their watch.  It gave you both a bit more privacy, and made it harder for whatever the two of you were going to talk about–or rather, what Levi was going to talk to you about–to be overheard.  You wanted him to already be speaking, for his voice to distract you and drown out the death and horror biting into you down to the bone.  He probably needed the time to think of what to say when you’d simply told him anything.

“I was the boy with Kenny the Ripper.”

Well, that certainly got your attention.  He definitely knew how to distract you from your own thoughts and what you could hear to shift all your attention to him.

You had already suspected–not known, but with the way he had acted when he asked you if you’d ever targeted Kenny the Ripper what felt like ages ago, and the way he’d reacted to your answer, had made you suspect that he was.

That small boy with the haunted blank expression and the tattered appearance, that had looked gaunt and too thin, though seemed to be regaining color and body mass–

That had probably been starving before being in Kenny’s care, which also told you that you had not been wrong in your theory that he had starved before, that this crisis inside the walls had not been the first time he’d started to suffer from that deep of a hunger.

You had asked Levi to talk to distract you, so he didn’t let the statement hang in the air–he instead pushed forward, continuing to talk as you’d asked so that you could focus just on him and his voice.  He wasn’t giving you time to fully process what he was saying, but he also wasn’t giving you time to start to hear the massacre beyond the walls again, either.

“Kenny and I didn’t live together that long, but he taught me how to survive down there,” Levi continued.  He wasn’t exactly looking at you, keeping his gaze instead on the wall ahead that you were walking along, and occasionally turning his head to track the soldiers the two of you were passing so he’d know when to lower his voice to avoid being overheard.  “I’d have died down there if it wasn’t for him.  Then one day he disappeared.  When you told me about your diet, and how long you were in the Underground, I thought you might have the answer for what happened, even if it was going to be a shitty one.  Obviously, that wasn’t the case.”

You didn’t know a lot of the context to that story, but given the fact that he still thought about Kenny’s disappearance to this day and had wanted an answer even if it was a bad one–in this case, the possibility of you turning Kenny into your meal being the reason why he never came back–it was obvious to you that there was more to that story than he was telling you.  You were just getting an abbreviated version of what happened that cut out most of the emotion and depth and left only the basics to be picked through.  You’d have asked for more, but him simply choosing to talk about this now felt big, and you needed to listen to drown out the world.  If you spoke, you could start to hear the massacre you wanted to hear as little of as possible for the sake of your sanity.  So, you were at the mercy of whatever Levi felt inclined to share.  Maybe one day in the future if you were feeling brave, you would ask questions to find out more, but for now, you listened.

He paused briefly, just long enough to take a breath and choose what to say next, though it also allowed a brief lull to see if you could still hear the massacre as you two slowly walked further away from it.

As the screams started to ring in your ears again, Levi spoke.

“Tell me if you stop hearing it.  The other side of Trost at least might be far enough to no longer hear,” he instructed, taking your continued silence as your answer that yes, you could still hear.  Levi’s expression shifted to a frown, thinking over what to say next, probably tossing aside questions you would have to talk to answer and trying to think of things he could simply tell you instead.

“I…didn’t have a father.  And my mother, I remember her, but she died when I was still young.”  You saw the tension in his neck and shoulders somehow get tighter, saw the slight bob of his throat as he swallowed and apparently decided he wasn’t ready to have that conversation–the strained tenderness you caught flashing in his eyes before he turned his head to watch the last few people along this stretch of the wall as you two passed by gave him away–and he quickly changed the subject again. 

“Kenny found me shortly after that.  After he left, I was on my own.  Until a smartass tried to jump and recruit me one day.”

There was something…gentler, about the way he said smartass.  Whoever he was referring to, it wasn’t with anger or irritation, but…care.

And an undercurrent of sorrow.

“There’s not much to say about the rest of the time I was down there.  I survived.  Made money.  Was trying to afford citizenship on the surface.  Came upside for a job.  Got roped into the Survey Corps…decided to stay.”

The brief pause and the abrupt end of the story, even for his brief bare details version of the story he was telling you, told you that it wasn’t so simple.  Clearly, though, he was deciding now was not the time to get into the details of all that.

The way he was telling it all reminded you of how you would speak about your own time Underground or the more gruesome parts of your vampirism–trying to skip past the really unpleasant details and keep it to the bare minimum to answer the questions without making people horrified or pity you for the true ugliness it had been.

Levi seemed to notice the thousand questions burning in your gaze that you were trying to bite down, because a soft ‘Tch’ escaped him as you two continued to walk, at this point pulling farther and farther away from where the soldiers on the wall currently were stationed and gaining more and more privacy.  “If you want to know the details so bad, you can ask another time.  Just not right now.”

In answer, and after glancing back to make sure that the others were far enough away that you had enough privacy to do so, you stepped closer to Levi, reaching out to slip your hand into his, unsurprised to find that he had been clenching a fist beneath the cover of his cape, as if physically holding back the details of his brief story that he’d decided were not details to share right now.

Once he felt your fingers brush against his hand, the fist relaxed, and you were able to slide your fingers between his and gently twine them together in the affectionate gesture that had become second nature to you.  Just to let him know you did want to know, and you would ask later, you gave his hand a little squeeze, which prompted his thumb to gently run over the back of your hand in response.

The silence lingered a few moments too long, and you could hear the sounds being carried to you on the wind again.  Quieter this time, and not as distinct, but still heard well enough that your hand instinctively tightened around Levi’s.

He didn’t need to ask to know, a soft sigh escaping him as he pulled you a bit closer and tried to think up more to say that didn’t require so many breaks and skipped details.

“Y’know, it’s hard to think of shit to say that doesn’t require more talking from you than me.  Most of what I’m thinking of is questions, and since you’re not asking any, it doesn’t leave me a lot to work with,” he grumbled, the complaint seeming to be less of a genuine complaint and more to fill the silence–something he’d normally let sit comfortably between the two of you.  He was just trying not to let the silence linger long enough for you to continue to hear the massacre happening.

If he needed something to work with, then…

“What was your mother like?”

Now it was his turn to have a reaction to the unexpected words.  His gaze snapped right to you, eyebrows raised, eyes slightly wide, surprised into silence for a few heartbeats.

Of all the things you could have gone with–what was it like living with Kenny the Ripper, who was the Smartass, what was the job he went topside to do, what was his trade underground, how the hell had he gotten roped into the Survey Corps and what made him decide to stay, wondering if the two of you crossed paths more than the one time in the more than twenty years you’d both been down there–you asked him about his mother.  Clearly, it wasn’t the thread that he’d been expecting you to pull on.

Levi looked away, the hand threaded into yours tightening for a moment as he turned his attention back to the top of the walls, considering what was the best way to put whatever was circulating in his mind.

“She was…very beautiful,” Levi said, his voice so soft you had to strain to hear it above the wind even with your currently troublesome heightened hearing.  “And elegant.  She always seemed out of place in the Underground.  Everything was shit and filth, but she was…she wasn’t.”

There was an almost reverence that he spoke with, and the way he took his time with his words made you feel like you could feel him reaching for the memories, doing his best to recall as clearly as he could.  He’d said she’d died when he was young.  The effort you felt from him just to recall that little bit made you wonder how young.

You were trepidatious to speak up, to prod into what might have been a sensitive subject, but he’d opened up a little so far, and his complaint had made it clear that you needed to ask a few questions so he could answer if you wanted him to keep talking.  So, you cautiously attempted to ask a bit more about her.

“How did she–?”

“She got sick.”

The short and abrupt response that cut off your question before you could finish told you not to press any farther into that bit of his past, not right now.  It also, however, answered your question, and painted more of a picture than others might understand with those three simple words.  Having lived Underground for almost forty years yourself, you knew how bad it was, knew how hard it was to get medicine, that any decent doctor was found topside, not in the bowels of the Underground.  If she got sick and they were living anything like the vast majority of the Underground residents, there wouldn’t have been anything to do for her except watch, especially for him if he’d been as young as his need to reach for distant memories to remember her suggested.

His grip on your hand was tight, tighter than someone without your vampiric strength may have been able to tolerate, but he hadn’t withdrawn it, hadn’t withdrawn from you.  It was your sign to gracefully back down and change the subject again.

“...I see.”  You didn’t want to give the moment too much time to breathe, but you were grappling with what to say, what didn’t feel…wrong to be talking about while people were dying.

Levi needed a couple more moments to regather himself after the unexpected turn of conversation towards his mother, and when he spoke, despite what you’d asked him when the two of you started walking, he seemed to have decided to break the unspoken rule of the conversation and bring up what was happening, perhaps deciding that even if it was not what you wanted right now, the two of you needed to talk about this.

“Y/N, you couldn’t have done anything to stop this.  None of us could.”

“...I know,” you whispered, your eyes fixed downwards at the city below, one that was unnaturally quiet today.  You knew you should stay silent and let Levi talk, let him attempt to calm you down a bit more, but now that he’d broached the subject, you wanted to say more, to vent some of what had been making you feel like you were on the brink of spiraling that you’d been trying not to think about, out.

“But that’s not the problem.  I know why it's happening, why we have to, I understand that–if I didn't, I wouldn't be here.  I understand having to do what it takes to survive, so others can survive.  I understand that I can't do anything to change it, but that's the problem.  I can’t do anything.  I came here to help, to save people, to make my abilities worth something, to be useful, to make all those deaths I caused so I could survive not be for nothing.  But right now all I can do is wait for them to die…and listen to it.  And everything I'm feeling now, so strongly, I can't–I just feel…helpless.”

As you mentioned it, you realized that you hadn’t heard anything on the wind while you’d been talking–you were finally far enough away that you couldn’t hear the massacre beyond the walls if you weren’t purposely listening for it.  The realization made some of the tension drain from your shoulders, your pace slowing so you could linger in the relief of not having to actively hear the death of all those people.

As soon as you had the thought, you felt horrible for thinking it, for feeling relief to not witness it despite your part in carrying it out, however small it was.

Levi noticed that you’d slowed down, matching his pace with yours.  He didn’t ask why you were suddenly reducing your speed, able to tell that it meant you couldn’t hear the massacre anymore if you weren’t trying to get away from it as fast as possible.  As such, he only walked a couple more steps with you before he urged you to come to a stop with a gentle tug on your hand, turning so he was standing directly in front of you.  He let go of your hand once the two of you were standing face to face, not even allowing you the comforting distraction of his hand in yours so you could focus entirely on whatever he was about to tell you.

“Y/N, this won’t be the only time people die to make everyone else’s survival possible.  It’s going to happen again,” Levi told you, gaze unwavering from your own as if the intensity in his eyes could drive his point deeper home.  “You’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard you try, there are going to be times you’re helpless, people are going to die so you can live or humanity can survive, there are going to be times all the death feels pointless.”

Levi looked away and down at the city like you had, and the silence stretched, his words hanging heavy in the air between the two of you, demanding to be acknowledged and felt.  It was a harsh reality, but…he’d been right to bring it up.  It was something you needed to hear, something you needed to come to terms with. 

“Most of humanity wants to withdraw behind the walls and try to hide from it all.  Nothing’s going to get better if they have their way.  Right now, the Scouts are the ones trying to change that, trying to change humanity’s chances and fight back.”  Levi’s gaze returned to yours, a piercing clarity in his steel grey eyes that drove his words home.  “You’re still in the best place to try and make a difference.  And you’re not the only one that wants to make sure all this death means something.”

Make sure all this death means something.

That was something you could certainly understand, that resonated within the scars and wounds you’d carried with you into the Scouts.  You’d wanted to make all the death that had sustained you the past few decades mean something.  Perhaps another part of the reason you were reacting so strongly was because of the sheer weight of all these deaths added to your shoulders, and the prayer that their deaths would mean something, that this would make a change for the better inside the walls, that things would start to turn around.  The need for it to mean enough to make it worth it…you’d come to the Scouts with blood drenching your hands and the need to make it worth it.

You needed this to be worth it, too.

First you had to survive it.  Not physically, physically Erwin was keeping you out of almost all of the danger.  But emotionally…

Emotionally, each scream felt like a laceration, each ignored cry for help like someone had ripped open your ribcage in search of your heart.  Never before had you hated your heightened emotions so much, the fact that you felt everything so deeply a curse that was going to burn you alive from the inside out and leave you hollow by the end of this if you weren’t careful.  You were cracking under the pain of it all–no, pain was too mild, for you it was stoked into agony–and trying desperately to hold on until the end of the operation, until you could get behind closed doors.

That would be when you could shatter, where it wouldn’t matter when you broke because there was no morale to attempt to preserve, no civilians to put on a brave face in front of, no fellow soldiers you would negatively impact or may forever look at you differently if you shattered in front of them under what seemed to them like no more than the pressure of the wait.

They needed to know they could rely on you when things got ugly like this, and if you shattered in front of everyone when all that was happening was the waiting, they may never trust you in the moment again.

You closed your eyes, trying to take advantage of the silence to regather yourself, to try and shore up your mental and emotional defenses now that you knew when you returned you were going to have to continue to listen to people being ripped to shreds and eaten only a few miles from the walls.  You hadn’t been prepared for it when it first happened, but now that you knew, now that you could take a moment to breathe and regather yourself, maybe…

Having to listen would still be terrifyingly hellish, and Levi would be the only one that knew what was happening, but maybe you could be at least prepared and collected enough to make it through to the end of this operation without cracking in front of everyone else.

Levi shifted closer, and the feel of his fingers curling around your chin prompted you to open your eyes to look at him.  He tilted your head to the perfect angle to allow him to kiss you, the press of his lips soft in stark contrast to the words he’d just said to give you a small dose of reality.  The kiss itself was far too brief for your liking–even with the somber and horrifying situation the two of you were in, you wished he'd kiss you longer, let it last a few moments more.  However, when he pulled away his eyes were searching yours, seeking to know if you were internally steady once more, or at least collected enough to keep moving.

“We can’t stay here.  I told Erwin we were doing a lap, not sightseeing.”

You nodded at the reminder, looking down the length of the wall the two of you still had to walk on the west side of Trost–and you still had to loop all the way back around to the gate at the front.  He was right–you couldn’t afford to linger, you would be expected to return before survivors could start making it back to the wall or before Miche’s squad handed off their lookout position to Levi’s–whichever came first.

Levi’s hand dropped from the grip on your chin to instead resume holding your hand, pulling you close to his side as the two of you walked as if to wordlessly remind you to lean on him for support, tucking his arm in with yours to hold you even closer and make it even harder to take a step away and untangle yourself–not that you were even attempting to do so.

Once you started walking, the comfortable silence that usually settled between the two of you finally returned, though it wasn’t quite the same–not with the knowledge of what was happening at this very moment.  But neither of you felt inclined to break that silence, which gave you the time to ruminate on Levi’s words and better prepare yourself for what you were going to be returning to.

As best as you could, anyway, which you still feared wasn't enough.

The rest of the walk with Levi was mostly silent, which you appreciated, knowing that once you got back to the gate you wouldn’t have the silence again until you returned to headquarters.  The only times that silence was broken was when you asked if Levi would continue to talk to you when you reached earshot of the massacre again–which he agreed to try, of course–and when Levi spoke up to ask if you would be able to hold out until the two of you were back at headquarters.  You weren’t too optimistic, but it was something you were going to have to manage to pull off, either way. 

He knew when you came within range to hear the massacre again.  Your demeanor had switched from the refuge seeking closeness with the comfortable hold on his hand to stiff and upright, your grip squeezing tight enough it seemed you were trying to fuse your hands together.  If you hadn’t been so distressed to still be hearing death, you would have laughed at the fact that of all the things he could have talked about, he started talking about ODM maneuvers.  Advice, critiques, verbal rundowns on some of the coordinated team maneuvers that you tended to practice with the others, advice based on the different environments you could end up in from forests to towns to open fields.

At least it was a topic he could keep going for some time.  When he ran out of things to say about the maneuvers, he switched to an abrupt semi-lecture about making sure you stayed safe when you were leading the formation and advice on how to do that and how to safely engage Titans on your own as much as possible–using some abnormals he’d run into and their strange behavior that could be a problem for even you as examples for why he was telling you something you already knew.  He wanted to make sure that the point was still driven home, that you stayed cautious and made sure to observe first instead of just rushing right into danger.

Recklessness would get even you killed.  That was something you had discussed already but he was taking the time to reiterate.  You supposed now was as good a time as ever to say as much, when all you could really do was listen intently and silently.

Despite not being a normally chatty person, Levi did a fairly good job at talking enough to keep you distracted during most of the wait.  His talkativeness–only for you–did draw some stares, and you were aware that Erwin had been watching the two of you and your behavior since you’d returned. 

In fact, the rest of Levi’s squad were watching how much he spoke with you, how focused he was on you and your own lack of responsiveness he didn’t seem to be taking personally.  You could feel Hange’s eyes occasionally drifting to you as well from across the way, and would have caught her staring more than once if you hadn’t been so focused on Levi.  

However, they were all ignored in favor of giving you something to listen to, and while he did talk fairly consistently, he didn’t speak very loudly.  You hadn’t suggested he do it, and it may have been more about trying to keep the talkativeness and conversation as private as it could be, but his quieter words forced you to focus your hearing more intentionally on him, allowing you to block out more of the sounds that tried to reach you naturally from out in Maria territory.

He couldn’t block every sound, however, as much as you wished he could.  He could only do so much, and despite his best efforts and your focus, the worst of the massacre still made it to your ears, refusing to be ignored.

The most bloodcurdling screams, the sound of bones crunching, the loudest or most high pitched screams and pleas, and the occasional Titan roar.  You could still hear it–not all of it, not as much, but enough.

When Levi noticed you pale, saw you weren’t as focused on his words, caught a tremble in your hands or a shudder wrack your body, he would find an excuse to touch you–nothing too blatantly intimate or clingy.  He would disguise the contact meant to try and ground you back in the present as a thwack on the head that felt more like a soft tap, a poke in the shoulder that felt like a light jostle, or a ‘kick’ at the ankle that was more of a gentle nudge.

Levi tried, and he did make it better to an extent.  His distractions did keep you from having to bear the full brunt of the horror of the operation at least in that moment–but there was only so much he could do.  There was only so much any of you could do in this situation.

By the time the first cry of a returning force was sent up, your nerves were frayed and snapping, your resolve to stay on that wall crumbling as if one of those damn special Titan’s had shown up to punch a hole through them.  By then, you weren’t sure which had been worse–the sounds of the massacre making its way towards you, or the silence that had followed afterwards.

Still, despite the wear of the past several hours that had made your soul heavy and caused what felt like the beginning of fracturing inside your core, you felt that horrible cocktail of guilt and relief seeping back inside you to hear of the first sighting of survivors.

Almost over.  Almost over.  Almost over.

You didn’t let yourself think about what came after, when you were in the silence of your room with no more distractions.

That wasn’t a problem for you to tackle while you were in the home stretch of the operation, that was a problem for when it happened.  You could only handle this one step at a time, and even then, you did not have as good of a handle on it as you were trying to pretend you did.

The trip back was silent.

Not even the horses seemed to be making much noise, their hooves sounding distant and muffled…or perhaps that was just you and the state of numb shock you seemed to be settling into after the operation had finally come to its gorey end.

Blood stained your clothes, a large dark smear staining the white shirt of your uniform and making the fabric stick and cake against your skin.  Your cloak was similarly marred with large splatters of deep crimson, the white feathers on the wings of freedom crest turned red and the blue turned black from the stains.  Stains that would not evaporate in a puff of steam, because most of the blood that still covered you now was the blood of people you’d been fighting to pull to safety, not the handful of Titans you’d killed in the process.

You’d been an even more terrifying sight earlier, before the Titan blood had evaporated to leave behind only the evidence of the people you’d tried to save.

You wished it had all been a blur, that you didn’t remember it all so clearly.  But you remembered every second as sharply as the intensity in Levi’s eyes when he’d been hostile towards you in those early days.

The largest stains on your cloak had been from the woman who’d been bleeding from her abdomen that you had tried to carry on your back up the wall to safety, who had slipped free from a weakening grip around your shoulders and the slickness of the blood soaking your back, had gripped at and torn your cloak on the way down, before plummeting into the mouth of a waiting Titan.

The crimson pool on the front of your shirt came from correcting your mistake and carrying a man bleeding out from a missing arm in front of you as you scaled the wall, trying to get him help before he died from the blood loss.

Blood was still spattered on your face from the young man whose insides had been crushed by a Titan hand seconds before you could reach him, that you had still tried to get to the top in the hopes someone could help, his last few ‘breaths’ coughs of blood onto your face and neck before he passed in your arms before you could even get him to the top of Trost’s wall.

On and on the list went, faces of people you’d been too late to save or had been beyond your help by the time you reached them–beyond help you could give in front of the Scouts and Garrison, anyway, or who had died before you could even have the chance to make such a choice.

Not one of the faces you’d seen on the wall or in the rescue had been the faces of the people you’d noticed this morning in Trost while waiting to go up the wall.  The fraction of scouts who had returned that had been sent out to guide the three hundred thousand had been so slim, especially in comparison to the surviving civilians, that when you had heard so few had returned, when you heard some of the sobbed stories of scouts sacrificing themselves to give civilians the chance to survive near the end, you had not been able to contain your reaction entirely, having to turn away and find an isolated corner to have a moment.  You had stifled sobs and ruthlessly wiped away tears to hear how many had still died to give more of the people a chance to survive.

You didn’t think you could see any of the faces from your graduating Cadet Corps class that had come to the Scouts among the survivors.

Were you the last one of your class left standing already, at least out of those who had come to the Scouts?  Had they all died in this operation?

You weren’t sure when exactly the shock settled in.  Maybe it was when you found out how few scouts returned.  Maybe it was when you heard that the early estimate for the number of people to return from the operation was a measly 185, roughly.  Maybe it was when the adrenaline from the rescue attempts and the fighting with the Titans had come to a halt and the shock was part of your crash.

Through the shock, you knew that Levi was staying right at your side.  He was bloody himself, though he’d wiped what he could from his hands and face earlier and only had the stains that would take a more thorough wash to get, now.  You knew he’d lost a few civilians like you had–you’d tried to intervene on his behalf to buy him time more than once, tried to take care of Titans that were bearing down on him when he was trying to get someone to safety.  Sometimes it was simply too late, sometimes they didn’t even know how bad their wounds were until it was too late, and very few of the survivors had been practically unscathed.  This had been an operation where no one could get out without getting bloody.

Now, however, his horse walked so close to your own that sometimes your legs would brush together, though Levi took care not to guide his horse so close that your legs were crushed between the sides of the horses.  You weren’t guiding Zephyr, not really, but the mare knew to follow the rest of the group, and with Levi’s horse right beside her, she also didn’t wander off and stayed on point.  Levi didn’t speak, didn’t reach out to touch you, didn’t try to wipe the blood from your face or try to offer comfort.  Not yet.  Not in front of all these people, soldier and civilian as you made your silent march back to headquarters, ears rushing with the flow of your own blood and ringing with the sounds of the blood-soaked retreat.

You barely noticed when Zephyr slowed, when you stopped moving, when Levi dismounted his horse beside you–you didn’t even process that he hadn’t stopped at the stables with everyone else, but had snagged Hange to join the two of you as you disappeared further along and around a corner, having Hange there simply to bring the horses back to the stables for the two of you–once he got you down.

When his hand gently covered your own where it was resting in your lap with a loose grip on the reins, you slowly blinked to, recognizing that he’d brought you to the familiar sight of your little garden to have some privacy, to properly try to reach out to you away from everyone else where no one would see if you happened to break.  Sounds were still muffled with the rushing and ringing in your ears, half in the present and half in your own head, but the gentle touch was enough to make you realize you were stiff from sitting in the saddle in such a still and rigid position for so long, and you needed to get off the horse.

Levi’s eyes were brighter blue in the setting sunlight, which only made it seem like they were gleaming with the depth of worry you could see enriching their color.  His grip on your hand was soft, cautious, but firm enough to try and bring you back to the present, to give enough of a pull to encourage you to let go of the reins that had been warped from how tightly you’d clenched them in your fists.

He was saying your name, too.  You didn’t know how long he’d been saying it, if this was the first time he’d tried or if he’d been trying to get your attention that whole trip and you just hadn’t heard him despite the fact he’d been riding right next to you.

His touch, that bright worry in his eyes, and how softly he was saying your name despite the hoarse cracking in his voice from speaking longer and more consistently than he was used to and then having to shout orders over the roar of battle during that retreat–all of it managed to shake you enough out of your stupor that you had more awareness of yourself, could feel the dust, bloody mud, gore, and sweat, the absolute filth that was still stuck to your skin, hair, and clothes, could feel the tenderness in your side where someone’s death throes had caused their leg to spasm with enough force they’d cracked–maybe broken–a rib that had mostly healed by now…

Once you relinquished the reins, Levi’s fingers slipped around your hand, keeping you from clenching it back into a fist and giving you something to hold to for stability, both in general and as you awkwardly dismounted Zephyr, movements stiff and admittedly painful as you worked your leg over the saddle and slid off, staggering a step while you got your feet back underneath you.  Levi’s hand didn’t leave yours the whole time, and as soon as you were steady on the ground, he was pulling you into his side in a much more open and caring gesture than you two had been able to get away with in Trost.

Hange swooped in to gather Zephyr’s reins to add the horse to the train of now three that were going to follow her back to the stables.  Even Hange’s presence and attitude was muted, nothing said by the other woman and her appearance so brief you barely had time to register she was there and catch her inspecting the warped leather of the reins before she was gone from your sight again.  Partially because she left that quickly to give you and Levi privacy, and partially because Levi had turned you away and was walking you inside, the one hand still gripping yours and pulled across his chest to keep you right at his side while the other hand had found its way to your shoulder to keep you steady and help guide you more directly, his arm resting across your back and giving you another sense of support in the process.

As you walked the halls, Levi was quiet for the most part, though every now and then he would puncture the silence with a murmured comment, barely putting volume in his strained voice and mostly depending on your more sensitive hearing to be able to clearly understand what he was saying.

“...Get baths drawn, we both look like hell.”

“Don’t worry about the reports, they can be done tomorrow.”

“Are you still with me?”

That last one he repeated a few times, and he only ever earned a brief dip of the chin in a mute answer that barely counted as a nod.  It was still enough of an answer for him–it was a response, which was an improvement from the entire ride back to headquarters, apparently.

You were still in and out of awareness of your surroundings, given the fact that he brought you to your quarters much faster than it felt like it should have been, and you didn’t exactly remember traversing some of the halls you needed to take to get to your quarters from your tea garden.  He kept his guiding hand on your shoulder but released the hand that was twined with his so he could let you both inside, trailing a half step behind with his arm outreached to keep that touch on your shoulder while he shut and locked the door behind both of you.

Once you were both behind the safety of a locked door, Levi tugged you over to your bed, bringing you to a stop at its foot and placing both hands on your shoulders, standing directly in front of you and trying to catch your glazed over eyes.

“Y/N.  Y/N, look at me.  Get out of your head, focus on me,” Levi ordered, though the concern in his eyes softened any hard edge to the commands.

There was an attempt to do as he asked, your movements sluggish as if you were underwater, feeling like you weren’t quite inside your own body, like you had one foot inside and one foot out.  You did look at him, but you weren’t entirely focused on him, weren’t entirely present.

In response, one of his hands released your shoulder to instead cup the side of your face, fingers threading into your hair.  The warmth of his hand against your skin suddenly made you realize how cold you were, how cool and clammy your skin felt.  The steadiness of his fingers threading in your hair–the first time he’d done it had been awkward and clumsy, and now it was so gentle, careful, and familiar–made you realize you were shaking.  When his thumb brushed against your cheek in response to seeing you coming back to yourself, you felt the slight pull of the crusted blood still on your face being scraped off in the process, reminding you that you were still covered in the blood of all those people–

Mid stroke, his thumb suddenly turned damp and warm, the water–tears–making the blood swipe away easier.

You hadn’t even realized you were crying–when had you started crying, how long had you been crying?

Your breath hitched, and part of you clawed desperately to go back to the numb, part of you cursed him for bringing you back to the present as the feelings started to mount into a boil in your throat and crash over you in massive waves.  Each crest of emotion seemed to slam into you with enough force to make you want to physically recoil, all the emotions you had been too deep into shock to feel all demanding to be felt at the same time now that you were coming back to yourself.

Finally, you could hear silence around his words, silence you had longed for on the wall, for nothing to break through and plague you against your will, just the silence, you, and Levi.  But now, that silence had turned suffocating and dark, filled with an absence that seemed like it was trying to crawl into your chest and expand until nothing remained.

That silence meant death, it meant loss, it meant a void where there had been hundreds of thousands of people drowned in boiling blood and tearing death, and you had longed for it on the wall.

You weren’t sure if the sound in your ears was the rushing of your blood or the heaving breaths you started to take as you gasped for air, your lungs constricted in thorns of pain, grief, and guilt until they felt too small to take in any air, that void finding a space in your chest where your lungs used to fill, starting to devour and press away the rest.

Maybe the sound in your ears wasn’t your breathing or your blood, maybe it was the screams you’d heard layered together and stabbing right passed your eardrums and into your brain like serrated blades.  All you could see was the blood spurting from limbs torn or bitten from people’s bodies, the horrified faces, the blood that had spewed from the mouth of the woman bitten at the waist, the screech cut short by the man who’d been torn apart by two Titans both ripping into him from different ends, eyes burning out and turning empty, bodies torn to shreds or crushed under Titan feet or falling Titan bodies, steam so thick it scalded your throat, eyes, and nose and burned your arms and back, hands that slipped free of your own because there was too much blood on your hands–

Your exhales were harsh sobs that tore at your throat, inhales choking on tears before you could get enough air in, and the slight trembling had turned to shudders.  You were burning from steam and boiling blood and fire and you needed it to stop, the screams to silence, the faces to disappear, this thing in your chest that used to be your heart twisting inside you so tightly it sent spasms through your body–

You couldn’t feel all this, it was scorching you to nothing, that absence sinking its teeth into the ashes of your insides and devouring the space of whatever used to be there, expanding in your chest, pushing down into your gut, up your throat–

“Y/N!”

You’d never heard him sound like that before.  Never, after everything that had already happened, had you heard that intense of fear come out of him, true terror.

Both of his hands had made it to your face while you’d been simultaneously spiraling and consumed, pulling your face up and tilting your head back from the position you’d collapsed into on the bed at some point without realizing.  For a second, it was like breaching the surface of the rapids of emotions you seemed to have been drowning in, a gasp of air–

There was a numbness spreading through you from that void, one that was pleasing in the face of the hell happening inside you, and you started to sink back into it, preferring the dark numbness of that abyss growing inside you at the center of it all to the rapids of emotions you were choking down instead of air.  You wanted that peace of the abyss that had scared you a few moments ago, not the agony of drowning in all the terror and bloodshed you’d seen today.  

The absence let you look at Levi with some semblance of calm collection, to wonder distantly if you’d ever seen him that pale when he wasn’t on the brink of death, if his eyes had ever seemed so wide.

“Don’t you dare!” Levi seethed, and you were taken aback by the agonized wrath in his tone, that it was directed at you, right now, in this moment where you would either drown or empty.  His gaze burned into yours, fingers gripping into your hair so tight you were tempted to think he was anchoring to you and about to be carried away by the rapids instead.

“Don’t you fucking shut out your humanity, don’t you fucking do that to yourself!”  Levi’s voice pierced through the depths like a rod of iron thrust out for you to grab onto, the only thing keeping you in place between the rapids trying to drown you and the void trying to devour you, his hands on your face keeping you just high enough in the rapids to catch a few gasps of air.  “You do that shit now, I may never get you back.  I’m not fucking losing you to yourself.”

Shut off your humanity?  Is that what he thought you were doing?  You didn’t know how.

Though, if that’s what this void was, if it was this calm and peaceful, if you felt a still nothingness, that was far more preferable to the boiling and burning that had been razing every piece of you from the inside out.  Maybe you’d been too harsh on the vampires that had shut it all out, who gave themselves that internal peace and quiet.

“You said it yourself, it would take something just as bad to snap you out of it, that it would be worse when you did.  You said you didn’t want to lose your humanity.  Don’t fucking do it, don’t you fucking do it!”

Levi had stepped closer, now standing inside your bubble, and you couldn’t tell if the grip he had in your hair and on your cheek and jaw was a caress or a desperate clutch.  One of your hands was gripping his wrist, and some part of you distantly recognized you might be gripping enough to cause harm, maybe–hopefully–just a bruise, but Levi was resisting, staying locked onto you and entirely ignoring the grip that was subconsciously trying to peel him away.

“You need to let yourself feel it.  You have to,” he emphasized when he saw you internally recoil from his request for you to keep drowning instead of shutting out the pain.  Your cheeks had started to turn cold, but now you could feel warm tears slipping free again, felt the rapids getting deeper and stronger as the void started to shrink, no longer yawning endlessly below you.  You could see it in his eyes that he saw it, too, saw the shifting in your demeanor again and knew he was getting through.

“It’s shit, and it’s hell.  You’ll survive it–you can,” he asserted when he saw the doubt in your eyes.

You were choking on the tears again, shaking as the thorns of feelings started to creep back into your chest–you swore that it happened faster, that the barbed torment filled the spaces inside far more rapidly.  Seeing you starting to come back to yourself, Levi’s harsher tone softened, though there was still an angry sharpness to some of his words, chastising you at the same time he clung to you.

“You said it yourself, it’s worse, it’s not worth it to shut it out.  Don’t you do that to yourself, don’t you take yourself away from me, not like that,” Levi admonished, a traitorous shake in his voice giving away how much of his words were fear talking and not real anger.

His words cut right through, breaking past any residual attempts to sink into the depths instead and causing your heart to bleed into the rapids, flooding them with the emotions that had been drowning you all over again, and then more as other, older emotions you’d been suppressing and bottling up bled into the rapids with the events of the day.

As you cracked, as the sobs broke free at last, you took your few moments of pained lucidity to reach for him, sliding under his arms and up his back so your hands could cling desperately to his shoulders.  Your face buried into his chest as he quickly took the seat beside you, which allowed you to pull him closer, ignoring the fact that your tears wet the blood on his clothes and smeared more of it across your face, ignoring the blood and grime in favor of holding desperately to him as you tried not to drown in the waves of pain and haunting imagery and sounds ringing in your ears.  He wrapped his arms around you as well, head resting atop your own, allowing you to hide and disappear inside his embrace while you tried to survive the turmoil inside you.

You didn’t mention the fact you could feel your hair growing damp, the wet on your cheek or the warm drops onto your shoulder, or how you could feel him trembling beneath you, didn’t mention that you could hear the hitches in his breath, the clearing of his throat that was just high enough in pitch to let you know he was trying to clear the tightness in his throat.  You didn’t think you had the air to address it even if you tried–every breath was spent on the emotions inside you whether it was in sobs and wails or desperately trying to gasp air before you passed out from the lack thereof.

But you knew that he took the moment to feel his own grief and pain as well, that he listened to his own advice and let himself feel it now while you did the same beside him so that it wouldn’t consume him, either.

Next Chapter---->

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[hash1ras]

𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𓆩♱𓆪

its finally here!!!! first chapter now live on ao3

tagged as requested xoxo @keithandlevi-ontheroof @estella-novella @kiaunasmith

fic playlist here ᯓ ⁺₊ ♱ .ᐟ

[leverwings]

“If I can’t taste you, right now—” He takes a shuddering breath— “I think I might meet my end.” 🍯😈 Part 2/3 of the Ambrosia Series.