#so I’m stagnant and walking in circles

[sexpalamedes]

I know this is so silly but like I wish I was quantifiable

Mental illness and trauma has swiss cheesed my brain, trying to patch the holes with hyper fixation after hyper fixation, my identity is no longer consistent or concrete and I am at the point where I can’t remember being whole, but the inconsistencies are punching new holes faster and faster. I can’t keep up anymore.

Part of that is just being human sure but like, I’m autistic, I so desperately just want one box I can live in. Oh the simple joy it must be of living your life as a mushroom frog gay. I want what you have

[pellucid-constellations]

If It All Fell (8)

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: If it all fell apart—if you forgot who you were—would you love him again? Would the bond guide you back? Azriel doesn't know if that uncertainty is one he can bear.

Word count: 3.6k

Warnings: Angst, pining, injury

a/n: I appreciate thoughts and reactions more than you know!!! <333 Italics indicate flashbacks.

Series Masterlist (all parts ♡)

~~

The next two weeks were interesting. 

In the first few days after the accident—the ones filled with confusion and incorrect suspicions—you had spent most of your time alone or sleeping. Mor visited your bedroom every morning to share limited information about your past, but there was no routine beyond that. Everyone tiptoed around you, too afraid to set off the timebomb they assumed was your mind.

But Helion had disputed that assumption. 

You were allowed to know who you were, to become the person you had been. 

So, a routine began to form. 

Breakfast early in the morning, usually with a random assortment of the inner circle. Mor was always present, keeping up with her responsibility of telling you about yourself. Cassian joined more often than not—an early riser, he deemed himself. Azriel made it when he could. He was always busy in the morning. Doing… something, everyone told you.

Rhysand would join you after the meal, whisking you away for an hour or two to work on the powers you still could not call upon. He would have a different objective in mind every day and it was your job to parse out what it was. 

You failed. 

Obviously. 

He started bringing in random Velaris citizens instead, but you still felt nothing. It was nice to see the smiling strangers; they were all kind to you, all apparently knowing who you were. The vagueness surrounding them leveled the playing field more. They didn’t know your whole life story and you weren’t supposed to know theirs. 

“You’ve explained it to me before,” Rhysand had said. “It’s a vibration, sometimes a light or a color. You see it around them, feel it. You understand a deep part within them that they don’t even know they’re revealing.” 

Well, there was never any light or vibration or color. You could never tell that the fae were lying or that Rhysand was planning something big for his anniversary with his mate. None of this otherworldly intuition that the Night Court seemed to value so highly. It was all just stagnant. 

After spending some time failing with Rhys, you got to explore Velaris. You had insisted that you didn’t need a chaperone, and your family believed you—for a time. You had three whole days of walking around the city alone before that privilege was revoked.

Granted, it was your fault that it was revoked, but that was neither here nor there. 

It hadn’t been your plan to get lost, just as it hadn’t been your plan to get caught up in a street brawl over a cart of potatoes. But when you weren’t at the designated meeting spot for Cassian to bring you back up the house, and when he found you with a bleeding nose an hour later, what you meant to do didn’t matter. 

“Y/n?” you heard a voice shout, heavy footsteps shaking the ground beneath you. “Shit—y/n, look at me, you okay?” 

Warm hands enveloped your shaking ones, drawing them back and catching sight of the red staining your fingerprints. It was Cassian, you realized, with his broad wings cloaking you in their shadow. The General’s expression hardened when he took in your face.

“What happened?” he asked, voice low, comfort combatting fury. “Where have you been? We have about 10 people looking for you, sweetheart.” 

You grimaced—both at the pain in your nose and the notion of your family scouring the streets of Velaris. “I’m so, so sorry, Cassian. I got turned around and then I was in this alley and there was a boy—” 

“Hey!” Defeat washed through you at the sound of another voice in the alley, all hopes for a peaceful return home washed away. “Is your girlfriend over there gonna pay for the product I lost?” 

The Illyrian before you paused, body going still at the accusatory tone. Cassian’s jaw clenched and he turned, keeping you well behind him. You still caught a glimpse of the scene from between his legs, and the merchant—to his credit—had the mind to stop his taunting. 

And to look afraid. 

Really, truly afraid. 

“You did this to her?” Cassian growled, fists clenching at his sides. 

The merchant swallowed. “You’re—and she’s…” 

“Did you. Do this. To her?” Cassian asked again, words broken up by malice. 

A beat of pressing silence, only whispers of the street meeting your ears. The merchant took several, shaky steps back, but the movement damned him. His hands swayed with his backtracking feet, and red glistened on his knuckles. 

Cassian’s wings flared at the sight. It only took a small uptick of his brow for the smaller man to fall to the floor in a plea. 

“Please, please don’t kill me! I didn’t know who she was. Don’t turn me over to the Shadowsinger, I won’t make it! I have a family to care for—a wife! I was only trying to protect my crops and she butted in. I didn’t want to hurt her!”

The General hooked his chin over his shoulder and sent you a questioning gaze, one you were sheepish to answer. With a harrowing breath, you revealed, “There was a little boy stealing potatoes. He was going to hit him. I stepped in the way.” 

A tug at your chest had you gasping as Cassian turned back around. The feeling had been persistent the moment you got lost, increasing after you’d been implicated in the merchant’s conflict. It pulled and pulled, a desperate winding around your ribs that you didn’t know how to relieve. 

It had to have been fear. Or stress. 

Cassian eyed the man crumpled to the floor. “Is the boy okay?” he asked, the question meant for you but directed across the alley. 

“Yes,” you confirmed, pressing your hand to the blood running down your chin. “He ran away.” 

Cassian grunted, sent a harsh warning to the man, and then crouched back down to your place on the ground, shaking his head in frustration. “Let’s get you home.” And then he grumbled, “I might get my ass kicked but…” 

Cassian had not gotten his ass kicked when you got home, but many other things happened. Mor just about cried in relief, her arms thrown around your neck followed by a string of commands to never do such a thing again. Rhys rubbed at his jaw as tension lifted from the House. He also had a command—that you wouldn’t be traveling alone anymore. 

And Azriel… Azriel looked like he would vomit, his shadows flitting angrily around him before bridging a path to you. He had cleaned the blood from your face, eyes haunted by misplaced grief, and pure guilt replaced all else in your myriad of emotions. 

You agreed an escort would be better. 

Azriel volunteered. Every day. 

And so you got to know Azriel. 

Mor had described him as reserved, not one to offer the intimacy of touch or personal information so readily. That was not your experience with the Shadowsinger. 

Fleeting touches had become commonplace between the two of you, whether it was his hands or his wings or the brush of his thigh as you sat by the Sidra. You weren’t sure if he was doing it consciously, but you welcomed the familiarity. You found he did it most when he wasn’t paying attention—when he was deep into a story about your past or listening to your opinions intently. 

He was open, sharing pieces of himself you didn’t have to pry to receive. He told you about his mother, about his scars, about how he overcame them. He shared with you how important you were to him many, many times, slipping it into conversations so causally. A thread connected the pieces of his life, and you, it appeared, made up the spool. 

He did not speak of his mate, despite being prompted. 

A sadness came over him at any mention of her, one so achingly melancholy that you told yourself you wouldn’t ask again. 

He loved her deeply, but something had happened there.

You tried not to get too close. This was friendship, a deep familial love that he relied on. That you seemed to have relied on for so many years.

And Azriel was hurt. Even if he and his mate were no longer intertwined by their bond, he didn’t need the onslaught of emotions his amnesiac friend was suddenly overcome with. 

Because you were—overcome by emotions for him. 

It was wrong. 

You wished you had the context to separate those feelings. If you understood your history—if you had memories beyond the few weeks of sweet stories and brushes of his fingers along your hair—maybe you wouldn't be feeling this way. Maybe your heart wouldn’t beat painfully against your ribs each time he entered the room… each time his eyes met yours as if he could feel your admiration for him within his own chest. 

You wouldn’t be feeling this way, surely. Because no one had told you that you should be. 

You only had the recounts of your friends, and the three of them had made no insinuations about you and Azriel. 

You wished you could meet the rest of the inner circle. 

There had been plans to, but then you came home with blood on your face and a disorientation in your eyes and that was suddenly off the table. 

After your time exploring Velaris, you read. 

Mor would pile your favorite books beside you in the small reading room you had come to love and rave about how great of an opportunity this was for you.

“You would kill to be able to read these for the first time again,” she’d laugh. “So have at it!” 

Reading felt easy. 

Books did not pressure you to remember things you weren’t able to. 

You could see it all in their eyes, the way your family clung to each of your words for even a hint of reminiscence. They’d make a joke and hold their breath, desperate for the laugh that should be bubbling out of you. But you never got it, never making the connections that they did. 

Azriel was the only one who’d catch the shame you felt at your lack of deliverance. Although he was the one with the most torture in his expression, he was also the one with the most understanding. He’d lean his head down and whisper what you needed to know in your ear, and then you’d giggle—for show—and hope would return to the room. 

But nothing had returned to you. 

You were still a shell.

~~

“What do you think?” 

Cassian’s question blanketed the table, forks halting their movements atop plates. Breakfast had just begun and you were dressed for a morning in Velaris at the theater, this time with Cassian. 

“Are you sure that’s the best idea?” Mor questioned, eyeing the General beneath a raised brow. 

“Were you there last week when I brought her home all bloody? I think it’s a great idea. Rhys agrees.” 

“And Az?” 

Cassian continued his breakfast, reaching for his drink. “Cassian—”

And so you found yourself steps away from the roof of the House of Wind—no longer in the comfortable daywear you’d been sporting—squinting into the morning sun. Leathers fitted for your body were laced up at your back and waist, stretching with a groan as you reached up to block the light from your eyes. Although the pain in your head had subsided to practically nonexistence, it often flared up in brightness or in times of stress. 

Like when you stood atop a mountain and stared into the sun. Or got punched in the nose by a potato merchant. 

“This is where I go while you go galavanting around the city,” Cassian chimed in, a grin evident in his words. 

“Charming,” you muttered, still adjusting to the jarring assault of the sun.

The sound of grunts and clashing metal oriented you quicker, and as your eyesight settled you were met with the image of Azriel. He was bare-chested, leathers donning his legs as he pressed further and further forward, the knife you always saw at his hips hacking away at the metal dummy before him. 

He moved so quickly that it was difficult to track him, one swipe after another, so carefully skilled and practiced. Sweat beaded down his tattooed skin. His wings rippled and spread in time with his footwork. 

He was mesmerizing, a force of nature only halting as his shadows wound around his ear, whispering. Azriel whipped around, sheathing his knife at his side and staring out beyond the training ring with a narrowed gaze. He spotted you instantly, without looking near or around—a magnetic force. 

Until he wasn’t looking at you, instead glowering in Cassian’s direction. “What are you doing, brother?” he bit out. The back of his hand made a quick pass along his forehead. 

Cassian didn’t look the slightest bit sheepish, ushering you to the outskirts of the ring. “She’s going to train. Now that we know she won’t break at the slightest thing.” 

Hazel eyes slid back to you, a softness overcoming them as you quickly averted your gaze from the broadness of his chest. You were not ogling him. 

You bit into your cheek to stave off the embarrassment. 

“I thought we agreed—” 

“Az, come on. It’s been a couple of weeks now. We need to get her back in the swing of things.” 

A crack of defeat edged its way onto the Shadowsinger’s face. 

What had they agreed on? To wait it out? To treat you like glass until you were their version of yourself again? Something ugly licked up into your chest, something raw. 

For a moment—just one—you stood on the sidelines and felt pathetic. While the two Illyrians stared at each other, a silent conversation between eyes, you let yourself feel like an outsider. They had had discussions about you, but not really about you. About the you that they loved—the one with memories and reciprocation. 

“Will you be careful?” Azriel’s even voice snapped you out of the spiral you had initiated. His expression was uneasy, a hand pressed to his chest. “And tell us if you need to stop? If your head—” 

“My head has been completely fine for a while now,” you assured, hands coming up to grasp the rungs of the training ring. “Promise.” 

Azriel pressed his lips into a line but motioned you in with a nod of his head. 

Despite the conflict still raging within your mind, you smiled at Cassian, the two of you letting out a small cheer and high-fiving before the General lifted you by your hips and past the rungs. You regained your footing and stood before the spymaster, meeting his level gaze with your own. 

“Alright, sweetheart,” Cassian began, a loud clap resonating behind you. “Muscle memory is going to play a big role here, but I don’t want to risk you getting hurt, so you’re just with this guy for now.” He patted the shoulder of the dummy Azriel had been practicing with. 

You scoffed, dropping your hands to hang by your thighs. “What? I still have the same muscle tone from before and last I checked my face was beaten in by a real person, not a chunk of metal.” 

“And that will not happen again,” Azriel cut it. “Ever. But especially not when you’re… in this state.”

You ignored the unsettling remark. “Okay, well I think sparring one of you would be more effective in the prevention of that, don’t you?” 

“Cassian and I could hurt you.” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“We can’t guarantee—” 

“I trust you,” you interrupted, your view of Azriel partially obstructed by the shadows that wound up your body. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me. Let me do this, Az.” 

The male before you faltered, his eyes darting quickly between yours. His chest, gleaming in the sunlight, rose and fell with strenuous effort. A clench of his jaw. Another pass of silence. 

“Okay,” he nodded, gaze roving over your features. “Okay, y/n. Get warmed up and we can spar.” 

You warmed up with Cassian, stretching and relishing in the feel of your body moving. He went over a few basic maneuvers with you, and you tried your hardest to pay close attention to how his feet slid around the ring. 

It was a rather hard task, seeing as Azriel had continued his blade work on the dummy. Still shirtless. 

After the General was satisfied with your progress, he passed you off to his brother. The Shadowsinger’s posture had softened a hair from when you first entered the ring, his wings coiled back and his shadows creating uneven shapes along the floor. He kept his hands by his sides, his feet relaxed—not a fighting stance in the slightest. 

“Come on,” you teased, cocking your head to the side. “You have to at least try, Az.” 

“I did not spar with you often before your memories were lost,” he admitted. “I do not enjoy the thought of hurting you.” 

Guilt immediately flooded you. You hadn’t even thought about what this would be like for him, too caught up in your own strife. Your stance dropped, the fists at your chin loosening and falling. 

“Oh, Azriel, I’m sorry. I can have Cassian—” 

“No.” He dragged his left foot back. A ghost of a fighting position. “Only me.” 

You took a painful breath in. 

He didn’t move, allowing you to lead. 

You shook your hands out and then your body moved of its own accord. 

You swiped at his legs first, unsurprised when he leaped back with practiced grace. The two of you fell into a dance of drawn arms and calculated shifts and you were almost unnerved by how your body moved without you willing it to. 

Cassian had said that muscle memory would play a role. 

It seemed to be the only thing driving you.  

You went for his knees, but in a way that maneuvered past his wings. 

You used his shadows as cover, taking advantage of their familiarity with you and cloaking yourself in their mist. 

Azriel swung a halfhearted punch at your shoulder and you bypassed the motion, grabbing his wrist and twisting at his back. 

It felt right. Your actions were not your own but they were ingrained in your being. 

This was your body. 

Something that remained unchanged. 

In your newfound joy, you missed the open palm Azriel carefully directed at your chest. The impact caught you off guard, stealing your breath from your lungs as you were pushed to the ground. As your back hit the floor, another shocking burst of air was ripped from you. 

You laid frozen for a moment before a shadow cast over your body, the sun no longer beating down on your skin. Through the ringing in your ears, Azriel’s voice flowed through. 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have—y/n, take a breath.” A scarred hand rubbed along your clavicle. “Breathe. You’re okay. Breathe.” 

A startling gasp of oxygen entered your lungs. You were fine, completely unharmed, only shocked and disoriented. Azriel bowed his head as you continued to circulate the air into your body, and it was then that you saw it. 

A chain hung between you, dangling from his neck and brushing against your chin. It swayed back and forth, a grounding point as you blinked back the tears lining your eyes. The ring glinted in the sun, rubbing against the golden chain, looking as if it did not belong there. 

Azriel tracked your gaze as he raised his head, looking down at the object of your attention. He sat back on his ankles and the diamond followed him, resting close to his chest. 

You raised yourself to your elbows. “Who’s—” You coughed. Azriel winced. “Is that yours?”  

A stupid question, but you couldn’t stop yourself from asking. A guarded look passed over the Shadowsinger’s face and you regretted it instantly. He reached up and clutched the necklace in a closed fist.  

“No,” he responded. “Are you okay?” 

He didn’t release the ring. 

“I’m okay,” you confirmed. “I’m not hurt. It just knocked the wind out of me.” 

Azriel nodded. A grim line formed between his brows. 

“Hey! She alright?” Cassian called. He had moved clear across the roof when you began to spar with Azriel, mentioning something about inventory or knives or something you hadn’t paid attention to. You had been too focused on the warmth you felt from being so close to Azriel’s skin. 

The sound of Cassian’s voice did nothing to break the hold Azriel’s eyes had on you. 

Another beat of silence passed. 

The wind blew a strand of his hair across his forehead. 

“I—” 

“I have a mission. I was supposed to meet with Rhys before midday.” He spoke the words apologetically but his hand shook when it lowered to his knee. 

The sun was already past the high point in the sky. It was no longer midday. 

“Okay,” you whispered. “I want to thank you for—” 

“Don’t thank me. Please, just—Be careful. I have to go.” 

A quiet collection of parting words fell from your lips and Aziel twitched, looking as if he would move forward but thinking better of it. 

But you had thoughts too, and they worked against Azriel’s

You raised to your knees and brushed the hair on his forehead back, a small smile gracing your face, trying so hard to melt some of the tension that had grown between you. Azriel’s breath caught as you moved, but you only doubled down, softly dragging your nails along his scalp. 

He shuddered, eyes falling shut for a brief, unguarded moment. 

His shadows consumed him. 

Azriel was gone. 

[demonicbaby666]

A Job Offer

One Shot | Criminal Minds Masterlist | Masterlists

Fandom: Criminal Minds 

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!Reader

Genre: Angst and Smut

Words: 5.2k+

Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, NSFW, smut, cursing, fingering, oral, overstimulation, strap on use (JJ!recieiving)

Summary: Despite you and JJ not being a couple, you do share nights together, nights that are not so innocent. However, when a job offer comes your way, you have to decide whether it'd be better to stay at the BAU or accept your new position, and like it or not, JJ has a part to play in this choice.

A/n: Hi, the kids don’t exist in this timeline. Also the timeline doesn’t timeline cause JJ ain’t really liaison, but I care not. Also, leaving it on a sorta cliffhanger without a part 2 cause I’m mean xoxo

"I'm going to cum!" JJ screamed up to the ceiling, her hips moving erratically to and from the mattress, "Fuck baby, so good."

You were fucking her just how she liked it, dirty, rough and hard, pounding the strap in and out of her so fast it became a blur of skin slapping against skin, the dildo only appearing in rapid intervals. JJ's hands were encouraging your every thrust, her nails etching their distinct curved signature into the supple skin of your ass. 

"Do it," you encouraged, soaking up every desperate moan. With a slip of your hand between your bodies, you rubbed the older woman's clit, gently enough so that the sensitivity gained from the last hour of fucking was not piqued but hard enough so that the pressure would give her the needed edge over her impending orgasm, "Cum for me JJ." 

"Yes!" She cried out, her release simultaneously sparking life into every cell in her body and freezing it in its tracks. Her hands stayed stagnant but firm, keeping you fully sheathed inside her as her body shuddered and her hips ground in circles, lengthening her orgasm to its full extent. 

Slowly, a steady breathing pattern was adopted between the two of you. The hands holding you close slackened, allowing you room to pull out and fall back onto the mattress with a content sigh falling from your lips. The moment was only made better when soft blonde locks tickled your chest, and you glanced down to see JJ's head settling on your shoulder. Metal clacked quietly - fingers expertly unbuckling the harness from your hips, allowing you to shuffle it off and place it aside. 

A comfortable silence soon fell over your bedroom, warm and lulling. Your fingers traipsed mindlessly up and down JJ's spine whilst she wrapped an arm around your waist, nestled closer into your neck, and planted light kisses over the salty skin. It was easy in times like these to lose yourself, forget the daily struggles that fed your sullen mind, and imagine that life could always be filled with the contentedness you were given a brief taste of. A daydream come true, but the reality was much crueler. 

"I've got to go," JJ sighed after a minute or two, showing no intent or want of moving, "Will's back in an hour." 

"A few more minutes," you grumbled, running a hand through her hair and pulling her body in a little closer. 

No argument was made, and JJ wholeheartedly accepted her fate, shuffling her body half atop yours and moving her kisses higher to the fine line of your jaw. The finite moment lingered with sweet kisses and caresses shared, and soon, you succumbed to sleep. It's a simple but treasured thing, sleeping next to the person you've found yourself undeniably falling for. It's seeing another side of them and letting them see a secret side of you when you have no control over how you look - peaceful or softly snoring from the exhaustion of a long work day, as JJ often did. 

The cold woke you, alongside the quiet shuffling from the far side of the room. It was never a fond sight to sit up, rubbing well-earned sleep from your eyes, and see JJ dressing herself, going over what excuse she'd come up with to tell her fiance. 

"Shit," she groaned, walking over to the bed and placing a chaste kiss on your forehead, "I didn't mean to wake you." 

"It's okay," you smiled, "What time is it?" 

"Almost eight. We slept for about an hour," JJ rushed to say, double-checking her phone before tossing it into her bag, "I've got to go, but I'll see you tomorrow." 

You tried your best to give her a convincing smile and a cordial nod, though you knew it was anything but. She was trying to hide the obvious stress running through her system from sleeping in too long and, most likely, being late back home. So you - as always - found yourself empathising.

"Drive safe," you said, your false smile still intact. 

It wasn't hard to fall back asleep once you heard the front door to your apartment close. You'd become accustomed to warding off unpleasant thoughts after encounters and partings with JJ. The two options were either to feed them and entrap yourself into believing a false reality or to acknowledge that life just isn't pretty or straightforward, it's a brutal battlefield, and the only way to survive is to face the truth of a shitty situation. That acceptance kept you strong and tactile in how you responded to the predicament you'd found yourself in. So, sleep came easy, knowing you'd already surmounted the horrors that fought to keep you awake. 

The following morning was, as it turned out, not so ordinary. The routine check of your emails had you up on your feet and pacing, overcome with utter bewilderment. A job offer to run the Washington FBI office for counterterrorism had landed in your lap a while ago, and you'd taken a gander in submitting your name into the mix. In honesty, it was a drunken gander, and you had never expected to be considered, let alone chosen. But life had a funny way of surprising you then. 

Though the start of the day was somewhat unexpected, you treated it as any other, getting breakfast, driving to work, and sitting down at your desk to sift through mountains of paperwork. You'd worked in the BAU for a while, and it only dawned on you with thoughts of leaving that the work grew to be tiresome, cases were exhausting, each taking its toll on your psyche. Yet the gratification of putting shitty ass people behind bars just couldn't be matched. Plus, you adored the team. They were your family; you settled down in Virginia, and, well, there was JJ. The pros seemed to outweigh the cons, but you hadn't had time to do more research, so assuming that staying at the BAU was the better option wasn't exactly foolproof. 

"You're moving to Washington?!" A high-pitched squeal came from behind you, and you felt everyone turn to look at you as Garcia stormed towards your desk. 

Soaring from your chair, you yanked the blonde by her arm and pulled her into the hallway, ignoring the curious looks from the rest of the team.

"First of all, stalking me… Not cool," you bitterly whispered before taking a deep breath and quelling your tone. In times like these, it was hard not to find the technical analyst's snooping infuriating, but at the end of the day, the truth was her checkups came from a place of worry, "Second, I haven't decided yet." 

A flash of hurt crossed her features, "So you are considering it?" 

There was no use playing coy, "Yes. It's a good job, Garcia and I'd be stupid not to." 

"I just," she said, briefly pausing and giving you a watery smile, "I know. I'm happy for you. I just don't want to see you go." 

It was safe to assume every little outburst this woman had was down to her rampant emotions and her fundamental problem with change. That's why it was hard to stay mad at her. She honestly didn't want to see you go and was most likely beating herself up for feeling so conflicted. You'd be lying if you said you hadn't known what that felt like. 

"Come here," you open your arms to her, and she gladly accepts the gesture by falling into them, "I promise I'll tell you what I decide. Plus, I'd never let you miss the opportunity to throw me a killer goodbye party." 

"You better not," she grumbled, pulling back to fix her hair, "We've got a case, by the way. Hotch is waiting in the briefing room." 

"Well, rally the troops, and I'll see you there."

The briefing went as briefings do: information was handed out, and vivid imagery was shared and imprinted into your head forever. However, the presence of JJ next to you did help. She had a calming aura, and all you'd have to do when you felt as though the world was a shitty place - which it very much is - was turn to her and admire how her smile could be so warm, how her fleeting reassuring touches would pacify your sunken mood and how throughout her whole time at the BAU she'd remained so strong and still so loving, and you'd feel fine. 

"You okay?" JJ asked as you walked to the car, "I heard Garcia this morning, and you seemed off during the briefing." 

"I'm all good," you lied, giving her a smile when she opened the passenger door for you, "I have a lot on my mind, that's all." Not a lie. 

She appeared sceptical, her eyes zoning in on you and creasing every so slightly at the sides. But she must have pushed it aside whilst closing the door and making her way around the car because the next thing she said was, "Well, I'd be happy to take your mind off it later." 

You chuckled at that. It was no secret that JJ had a high libido, and hell, if you didn't love it, particularly in times when she'd ravish you all night and would still have the energy to go again the following morning. It made you feel the most wanted you'd ever felt during the entire duration of your hapless life. The passion bred in nights spent together was mind-numbing. It felt like you found your escape with each other - away from the team, your home lives and the constant strain of cases. Somehow, even the mention of your nights together, previous or upcoming, had a way of putting your mind at rest and eliciting a beaming smile to grace your lips. 

"You know I'd never say no," you said, smirking, admiring how JJ mirrored your facial expression as she started the car and headed to the airstrip.

It was the truth; you'd never found a good enough reason to decline her offers, and the likelihood was you wouldn't. She had a way of twisting you around her fingers and never letting you forget it. Lunches, catch-ups, and, even once, a weekend trip away had been cancelled, and to think all it took was one phone and a particular husky voice at the other end of the line requesting your company. 

So, true to word, after a long day, you snuck into JJ's hotel room and found a pleasant surprise. She lay sprawled out on the bed, stark naked, a tantalising smirk adorning her lips. One index stretched out then curled in a come hither motion, and you practically leapt. 

"Someone's eager," JJ chuckled, cutting herself with a moan as your lips descended to her neck.

"Can you blame me?" You said, words slightly muffled, with you nipping and sucking at JJ's throat. 

"Mmmm, I'm not complaining," she hums as she tilts her head back and grabs the neckline of your t-shirt, "Though I will complain about you still wearing clothes," she moved her hand down to the lining of your shirt and tugged, "Off." 

Sitting up, you rid yourself of your shirt and bra, much to JJ's delight. No matter how many times she's seen you naked, she still looks at you like it's the very first time, and that in itself gets you wetter than the thought of all your exes combined. 

By the time you were done revealing your upper body, hands were already grasping at the waistband of your trousers. The irony of her earlier comment staring you right in the face was too hard to ignore, so you let out a breathy laugh whilst saying, "Now look who's eager." 

To that comment, JJ stopped her efforts to take off your trousers and instead used them to yank you forward, the tip of her nose brushing against your stomach. She darted her head down and harshly bit the side of your hip bone with a growl. You had to hold your bottom lip between your teeth to stop a moan from spilling out. 

After her display of dominance, you knew two things: JJ wanted to be in control tonight, and by the look in her eyes, if you weren't naked soon, you'd face some heavy consequences. 

"Okay, okay," you surrendered, helping her remove the last barriers between your naked bodies. 

Instantly, she had you on your back. Stationed between your legs, she looked down at you with blown-out pupils, shamelessly taking in the sight of your bare body on display. 

"Stunning," she whispered, sounding more like she was talking to herself than to you, but you seemed to blush regardless. 

JJ left you no time to repay the compliment before her lips crashed down on yours, and her tongue demanded entrance, which you readily granted. She swirled the muscle around your mouth in a practised dance, stopping now and then to nibble at your lips, then going right back in. The way she kissed was addictive, and often, you thought you could come undone just from it alone. She'd perfected the art of being rough yet gentle, fast yet slow, passionate yet loving. It set your whole body alight, made your throat dry, and your knees weak. Even when laid down, you felt your body failing you, the mattress against your back a reassuring fail-safe. 

Tender kisses fell lower, marking an invisible path to your collarbone, where they took their time dotting an array of scarlet blotches into your skin. JJ knelt back, smirking as her eyes darted over the canvas of bruising marks before she got back to work, lowering herself back down to the juncture of your breast. There, she became softer, pecking lightly from side to side till she was close enough to encapsulate a firm nipple into her mouth and lather it with her tongue. She knew your body so well - too well, you sometimes thought - you hadn't even needed to mourn the isolated attention to one breast before a warm hand cupped neglected flesh and began to knead. 

"Oh god," you whimpered, pushing yourself further into JJ's mouth and hand. 

You felt her lips curl around your breast, likely proud of herself for getting you worked up so fast despite knowing perfectly well she could do so with much less in her arsenal. Gloating put aside, JJ brought her free hand resting beside you to your thigh, squeezing the muscle - her thumb skimming the outskirts of where you almost certainly needed her. She continued to tease, and a protest lingered on your tongue, watching JJ brazenly settle on paying homage to your stomach, planting kisses high and low, but never as low as you wanted them. The pit in your stomach grew bigger, and the ache between your legs became more painful, yet the blonde paid no attention to your dejected whines. 

Finally, when even the rutting of your hips did nothing, and the wriggling about only brought JJ back to your neck, you half huffed, half moaned, "Do I need to beg?"

Oh, so pleased with herself, JJ retorted, "I'd like that very much."

Choosing your release over your pride, you grabbed the sides of JJ's face, pulling her up so she was at eye level before confidently saying, "Please fuck me, JJ. I want to feel your fingers inside me. I want you to make me cum so hard that I can't walk tomorrow."

"Mmm," she hummed, her hands squeezing both your breast and thigh, "Well, since you asked so nicely." 

The cursed thumb that had been endlessly teasing you moved, brushing lightly over your clit. As brief as the stimulation was, it was enough to cause you to jolt and grip the bedsheets. JJ retired her hand from your breast and clung to the pillow behind you, fingers running through the wet mess between your legs. 

"I love how wet you get for me," she husked, placing a quick peck on your lips and ignoring your disapproving grunt to being denied more, "I want to watch you." 

Just as she made her plans known, she thrust two fingers inside you and watched your mouth open in a gasp, biting her lip at the erotic sight. You burned, not only from her eager gaze but from the biting pleasure that ran its way along your spine and caused all your muscles to tense. The room faded to dark, your eyelids drooping, letting you hone in on the sea of sensations swimming through your body. Your chest rose and fell with every sharp intake of air you took, and it only became worse when JJ started to move, sliding her fingers out and then plunging them back in. She did this over and over until you felt as though you might burst. There were bulbs of sweat forming over your brow. Your lips were permanently parted. Your jaw shook with each breath. You were so close to the edge but not close enough. Then a thumb began caressing your clit, and you almost screamed in relief. 

"Yes," you hissed, hips bucking up and down as JJ angled her fingers to run over ridged flesh, "I'm going to cum."

"Open your eyes," she tenderly whispered, kissing your temple, then leaning back again, "Look at me." 

You did as instructed, watched JJ sway above you, saw the reverence in her eyes, and gazed into them as you felt the knot loop tighter and tighter in your stomach. She moved faster, using her hips to fuck into you harder. In a flash of white, your legs were shaking, your fingers tearing into the bed linen as your release poured out of you right onto JJ's fingers. All you could do was loop your arms around JJ and muffle your shaky cries into her neck, praying you wouldn't be heard. 

The two of you stayed intertwined like that for a while, her fingers still inside you, moving slowly and steadily until you winced from being so sensitive, and she delicately withdrew. You had to blink to make out the room decor again: a wooden bedside table with a flickering lamp atop it, a sorry-looking armchair sitting idly in the corner and a dainty coffee table beside it. 

"You okay?" JJ smiled above you, brushing strands of hair out of your face. 

Returning her smile, you gave her a nod before pulling her down for a passionate kiss. You threaded your hands through her silky hair, scratching at her scalp and enjoying the content sighs she let out. There was a harmony to how you and JJ fucked. Where you'd often find in relationships one person getting off a significant amount of times more, a giver and receiver dynamic if you will, that was nothing like what you two had. Together, you walked the line of balance well, but at that moment, feeling her above you, tasting her tongue in your mouth, and remembering the way she looked at you whilst giving yet another brain-numbing orgasm, it made you want to give her more - give her everything. 

You wanted to make sure that come the following days, she'd be so sore she wouldn't even consider letting Will touch her, let alone fuck her. Trying to eliminate the possessiveness and jealousy that lay dormant within you was useless, so in times like these, you used it for good. You could show JJ that no one else could do this for her. Her body was painted into your mind so clearly that you could be blinded and still tell it was her from touch alone. You could have your memory taken away, but with a pencil and paper, you'd draw the dips of her hips, the creases beside her eyes, and the jutting knuckles that run along her slender fingers. No one else knew her body like you; the need to remind her of it was dire. 

Using her kiss befuddled mind to your advantage; it was easy to flip the tables and trap JJ beneath you. The move earned you a shocked yelp, though the second your lips found a dusky nipple, no complaints were heard. Only sultry moans warmed your ears. 

Palms pushed the back of your head down whilst JJ arched to fit more of herself into your mouth, and you dutifully took her in. It didn't matter that you could hardly breathe, not when you could feel and hear how JJ's breath was catching in her throat and how her heart was hammering against her chest. 

After giving the older woman's breast the much-needed attention they deserved, you sought your sights lower. Leaving a shimmering trail down JJ's taut stomach, you crawled back on the bed and positioned yourself comfortably between two muscled thighs. A sharp inhale from above, and hands fisting in your hair were sign enough for you to drive forward and deliver a long lick along JJ's slit, closing your eyes to enjoy the bitter flavour of her exploding over your tastebuds. 

It wasn't long before you worked JJ up into a wiggling mess. It was painstakingly evident from the tireless efforts of the blonde's buckling hips that the lack of notice of her clit was becoming a problem. Taking pity, you sought to eradicate JJ's frustrations. With one final up swipe of your teasing tongue, you brought your lips to her needy clit and sucked. The gratification echoed around the hotel room as JJ slapped a palm over her mouth to keep quiet. 

You kept going, alternating between sucking and licking, occasionally moving south to tease JJ's cunt with the stiffened end of your tongue, then returning to her clit. 

"Don't stop," JJ breathily begged, "Don't you dare stop."

And you didn't, not for a second. You continued lathering JJ with unbridled pleasure, coaxing her body into a quivering mess until the muscles in her stomach were painfully tense and only then did you ease two fingers inside her. The pace you immediately set was vigorous, thrusting in and out of her so quickly her body was struggling to keep up. With her head flung back, JJ came with your name on her lips, breathily panting. Yet, still, you wanted more. 

Sitting up, you waited for JJ to regulate her breathing as she held tight to your forearms and only then did you start moving your fingers again. Nestling your head in her neck, you moved faster, finding and hitting a spot deep inside JJ that had her digging her nails into your skin, marring you with crescent moons dotted in red. The pain only motivated you to keep going, fucking into her harder until she was all but screaming and sure to be heard. You didn't care. She was perfect like this: panting, out of control and solely focused on what you were doing to her. 

Your arm began to protest; it ached and cramped, but you fought hard against it, using your body to drive in and out of JJ's exhausted pussy. Over and over, she spoke your name, hushed this time, as her awareness of where she was prevailed. 

Sensing JJ's orgasm from the pulsing clenches around your fingers, you snuck your thumb over a tender clit and added another finger to your thrusts. The additional force sent her toppling over the edge, but you didn't stop even then. You continued to fuck her right through her orgasm, biting into the flesh of her neck to keep her crying out. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!' JJ cried out, "I-"

She never finished, a third orgasm rapidly washing over her, snapping her spine and leaving her motionless, half off the bed. Her jaw was trembling, and her eyes wedged closed, but the starting of a contented smile was tugging the side of her lips. When she slumped down on the mattress, she was boneless and limp, her chest heaving as she struggled to draw in steady breaths, "Fuck," she finally whispered, her eyes still closed and a tear falling down the side of her cheek, "Fuck." 

Settling down next to her, resting on one elbow, you mindlessly traced patterns along her glistening stomach, smirking proudly to yourself. Aftercare had always been a big thing between the two of you, and after what you'd just done, she looked like she needed it. So you stayed that way for a while, laid down together, occasionally sharing innocent kisses and soft smiles until you wound up in each other's arms. JJ lay atop you, her leg becoming a blanket to your waist, her head and breath a chest warmer. 

"When were you going to tell me," JJ asked, and you looked down to see her eyes already on you. 

Moving strands of silky blonde hair behind JJ's ear, you give her a questioning look, "Tell you about what?" 

The question seemed to infuriate her. She shuffled out of your embrace and leaned back against the headboard, giving you a blank stare. "You don't want to go," JJ proudly stated her opinion as fact, arms folded across her chest as a finger steadily taps away at her forearm, "You know you'll get bored sitting behind a desk so much."

Brushing off the fact she had a point and focussing on remaining civil but not coming off as a pushover, you held your ground, "It's a good opportunity, and I'm not not considering taking it," you were silently begging her to understand, your eyebrows knitted together and lip wedged between your teeth.

"Come on, you can't be serious," she humorlessly laughed. The audacity of her tone gave you half a mind to walk out. You didn't, though, because this had to happen at some point, be it now or in a few days. 

"What's left for me here?" you asked, eyes trained on the blonde, your finger under her chin keeping her from looking away and trying to escape. If she wanted you to stay, so desperately as she seemed to, she owed you this, "Give me one good reason I should stay." 

Her lips parted, her jaw moving up and down in small increments. It was like the words she wanted to say were there, but she was fighting to get them out. You gave her time, looking at her with expectant eyes, softening your gaze to encourage whatever was trapped in her bobbing throat, but nothing came. Then her mouth snapped shut as though someone had tugged on an invisible string sewn through pink velvety lips, permanently sealing them. 

The silence became too loud. It sought to engulf you, swallow you up so that all you'd hear was the sound of your own broken heart beating so painfully loud it made your chest ache. Your arms felt limp as you slung them to your side and rolled on your back, staring at the ceiling. It felt cold and bare without the promise of another comforting embrace because somehow you knew there was an unspoken realisation that this was truly the end of something. 

The stinging behind your eyes had made itself known fully, and you couldn't handle JJ seeing you like this. Straightening yourself out with a roll of your shoulder and a lengthy exhale, you stood up, threw on your clothes while ignoring the awkward atmosphere that circulated the room and made your way to the door. Turning back before you exited, you sneered, "I thought so," and slammed the door shut behind you. 

To say the next day was awkward would be an understatement. If the team had noticed the tension between you and JJ, which they most likely had, they used their better judgment to ignore it and focus solely on the case. From the corner of your eye, you noticed their regular stares, but you knew it was their way of ensuring you were okay. Once you caught on, you offered small smiles and brief nods that told them all was well, and you were thankful that that was enough to ease their curiosities. 

It wasn't till much later in the day, when you were packing up to head back to the hotel, did JJ acknowledge your existence, and you weren't having any of it. She approached you as you slung your bag over your shoulder and started walking out with Reid and Emily. Instead of doing the mature thing, which would have been to wait for JJ to catch up and deal with your suffocating predicament, you gave her the cold shoulder, ignoring her presence completely and walking out. 

A faint sigh came from the room you'd just vacated, and you fought against your better judgment to head back to the hotel and put the whole day behind you. It was for the best; you needed time to think, and you still had a looming decision hanging over your head. It was a life-changing decision; you couldn't afford to cloud your mind with a frivolous affair. 

With what comfort a shabby mattress could offer, you settled back, opened your laptop, looked at some apartment listings, checked over the job description a couple more times, and re-read the email, indeed confirming you had been offered the job if you wished to take it. Despite your best efforts, the god-forsaken argument continued to play in your head: JJ's dejected look when she was unable to voice her true feelings, the razor-sharp tone she used to admonish you and most of all, her inability to give you the one thing you needed that would have turned the tables and made your decision for you. 

A knock at your door pulled you from said incessant thoughts. You'd have been grateful for the distraction had you not sensed who would likely be your 'knight in shining armour'. Rising and looking through the peephole confirmed your suspicions, and an involuntary groan slipped free. 

"Real mature," JJ quipped. Taking a deep breath and then staring pleadingly into the peephole where she knew you were standing, she tried again, "Sorry. Please, can we talk?" 

The door fractionally opened, enough for you to slip your head out and huff, "I'm exhausted, and I don't think I have the energy to deal with this now." 

"I'll give you one," she muttered under her breath.

"Give me what?" You huff. 

Opening the door to let her in, already fed up with where this conversation was inevitably headed - which was most likely an argument - you move over to lean against the outdated armchair. 

JJ watched your movements as she shut the door and stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, "A reason," she began, looking down at her left hand. You curiously followed her gaze. There on her finger sat an elegant diamond ring, glinting in the lamplight. It was a sickly sight, and the vexing thing was it never used to be. Your stomach lurched, forcing you to avert your gaze to keep yourself from spewing your dinner onto the atrocious carpet. Honestly, it was a mystery that the team wasn't investigating who committed this interior design crime. 

"I don't want you to go. I want you to stay," she took long strides towards you, and you shot your head up to see, in the blink of an eye, JJ was standing tall right above you. Her fingers fidgeted with her engagement ring before she slipped it off and let it fall to the floor. The boldness of the move left you momentarily frozen until you were pulled to your feet by your waist and felt a pair of lips ghosting over yours, "And if you'll have me, I want you."

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[mistystepmoonbeam]

Reborn Into Baldur's Gate 3 - Chapter 3

You're reborn into BG3 with only the memory of your past life. Now you're Tav's companion on his journey, and must learn about yourself as much as your new reality.

Chapter 3: You seek healing from Nettie for your injury, and you learn that you've forgotten more than you realize.

Word count: 2.1K

A/N: I can't remember if I mentioned this but I'm keeping the reader as gender neutral as possible!

You’re not sure who’s making a bigger fuss; Auntie Ethel or Tav.  While the old woman fretted over you, even after giving you a healing potion and bandaging up your hand, Tav was distraught.  He darted around you with a pout and furrowed brow, as if moving would solve your problems.  Based on the fact that the arrow went right through your hand only so much could be done.  The potion numbed the pain and increased your healing rate, but it was still a hole in your hand.  Auntie Ethel insisted you go to Nettie, and without giving you a choice Tav lifted you into his arms and ran to the bottom of the grove.  

Any pleas you gave about this being unnecessary went unheard as he came upon the three druids blocking the entrance to the circle.  The fact the wound was already bandaged and, you know, on your hand and didn’t affect your walking at all was also ignored by the burly tiefling.  The mother duck, it seemed, was terribly worried about her injured duckling.

“Stand back!” Jeorna orders, hand held out to stop Tav.  You are barely spared a glance from the bear, and gnome, the latter of which pulls Jeorna aside to whisper in her ear.  When she faces Tav again she says, “Kagha wants to see you, but tread carefully. We’re watching.”

This thankfully slows Tav to a quick walk, making a beeline for the stone door on the far right of the grove.  The engraved stone slowly withdrew into the ground and Tav stepped into the cool dark of the underground cavern.

“I can walk,” you say.

When he only takes a few steps down you grab the collar of his leather armour with your left hand and shake.  “Please let me walk.”

He’s hesitant, but lets you down.  Between the potion and the adrenaline you can barely feel your hand at all, let alone the pain.  

“Please, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry!”

Tav’s worry for you is overtaken by the pleas of a child. Arabella.  You’d forgotten all about her in the sudden rush to get to Nettie—even Lae’zel and Astarion had been left behind.  You move down the steps, ignoring the pungent smell of the earth and stagnant water around you.  You find Kagha and her wretched snake exactly as you would in the game, threatening a child scared of losing the first somewhat safe place she’s had since her city fell into a literal Hell.

“She is a thief, and she will remain locked up until the rite is complete.”  Kagha lowers towards Arabella.  “Be careful child, Teela is restless.”

Arabella cries harder but thankfully doesn’t move, even when the snake hisses at her.

“Thief?” Tav questions.  “What’s the girl's actual crime?”

Kagha’s head whips in his direction.  “Girl?  She’s a parasite.  She eats our food, drinks our water—“

You tune out, eyeing the snake and trying to will Arabella to stay still with your mind.  She’s trembling and flinching with every move the snake makes.  You wish you’d thought to pick up your staff so you could smack that hissing beast over the head.  And Kagha, too.

“I’ll keep her out of trouble,” Tav says.  You breathe a sigh of relief as Kagha agrees.

“Teela, to me,” she orders.  The snake slithers to its master and once it’s at her heels Arabella runs from the cavern.  You watch her go, lips downturned at the sight of her very not pixelated tears.  

While Rath is reprimanded for mentioning Halsin’s name Tav whispers to you to go find Nettie.  You look between him and Kagha, but nod.  The druids don’t seem to mind you walking past them and into one of the back rooms where Nettie waits.  Your pace is slow and as you step into the mud you notice your boots don’t sink into it.  Instead the surface is hard as rock, and you only make an indent in the mud when you purposely jab the toe of your boot into it.  Magic boots, you wonder.  But there’s no time to think it over as you move to the stone room.  

 Nettie is on the right healing a bird, uncaring or not noticing the commotion just a few feet away.  You wonder why she hadn’t stepped in, but maybe the mindflayer parasites were too much a concern to care about tiefling children and the Rite of Thorns.

Nettie’s hands glow with blue energy that flashes onto the bird, and she lets out a stressed sigh.  “It’s up to you, now.”

The druid startles when she notices you from the corner of her eye.  She doesn’t question why you’re there when she spots the bloodied bandage on your hand.  You introduce yourself, unsure of what else to do.  

“Auntie Ethel gave me a potion and bandaged me up,” you tell her.  “I’m not sure what more can be done.”

“I can stop the bleeding, at least.”  Nettie raises her hands and you hold your injured one out to her.  There’s a tingle on your palm as her hands glow blue, like a spider skittering across the hole.  You shiver as the static wraps around your palm, and gulp down your anxiety when Nettie’s hands return to normal.  “How’s that feel?”

You wiggle your fingers, feeling the tightness of a scab on the wound.  “Amazing, thank you.”

“It’s strange,” Nettie says, observing your body with an inquisitive eye, “why didn’t the magic in your coat take effect and protect you?”

You look down at yourself, noting that nothing was torn in the earlier scuffle.  While you’d felt the gravel and rocks dig into you they hadn’t torn the fabric, let alone cut you.  

“I’m not sure,” you admit.  So maybe Gale was observing you because of the magic in your clothes.  “I reached out to stop the arrow, maybe I have to activate it?”

Nettie quirks a brow.  “You don’t know how?”

You hesitate.  “I…don’t remember anything besides my name and a few locations.”

She frowns, nodding at you.  “I’m sorry I can’t help with that.  Halsin probably could, but he’s not here right now.” 

A darkness overcomes her features.  You say, “I heard he was captured by goblins.”

“We’ll get him back in no time!”  Tav’s cheery voice startles you as he appears beside you.

“Messengers and now hired help?” Astarion complains.  “Is there anything you won’t volunteer us for?”

Tav laughs.  “No.”

Astarion and Lae’zel are in the stone entryway, the druids beyond them watching with apprehension.  Lae’zel’s upper lip curls into a sneer.  “We must find the crèche, the teeth-ling has already marked the location of my kin upon the map.  Our time runs short.”

With that the encounter with Nettie is triggered, and Tav takes over.  Watching the familiar scene gives you some comfort.  You already know that Tav will accept the wyvern poison, so there’s no need to worry about Nettie’s potential attack.  

When Nettie leads you all into the back room, the door descending into the earth, you look at the surrounding books.  The smell of stagnant water isn’t as strong here, instead replaced with a gentle scent of old paper and…dead body.  The drow lays on the stone slab by Halsin’s work desk.  

With all the attention on Tav you take a couple quick steps back to peruse the shelves, curious if they have any scrolls in them.  But as you look over the stone tablets and scattered books you realize something that hadn’t occurred until now.

You can’t read them.  The tablets you expected, but the books?  Surely you could—you grab one from the shelf and flip through the pages, unable to discern the swirls and symbols written within.

“Oh no,” you mutter.

“Forget how to read?” Astarion says over your shoulder.  “Or perhaps you just find The Recipes and Ruminations of One Dradeel of Tethyr truly abhorrent.”

You lift your head, finding him much closer than he’d ever been as you could count his eyelashes when he blinks.  You take a step away, flip through a few more pages before looking at him again.  “I can’t read.”

“Really?”  He’s so amused by this, you think.  “I was merely jesting but to think you can’t read…you could read before the parasite, couldn’t you?”

“I have literally no way of knowing,” you say.  When you don’t elaborate and you find him tilting a head at you, you add, “I…only remember my name.  Nothing else.”

“Well, you dress like an aristocrat,” Astarion muses, pacing a circle around you.  He stops close enough that you can feel his warmth through your coat.  You don’t have time to question why a vampire is suddenly so warm when he holds his right hand over your shoulder and reveals your bag dangling from his fingers.  “And you certainly had enough gold on you to live like one.”

You snap the book shut and place it on a random shelf.  “You got it back!”

When you spin around and reach for it he takes a step back, holding a finger up to your face.  “Ah, ah, ah.  What’s in it for me if I return this?  I could just take it and skip off into the sunset to live like a king.”

Is there really that much there?  No matter.  “Please, hand it over.”

“Oh, so polite.  Hm, let’s say this, you can owe me one.”

“Deal.”  You step forward and snatch the bag from him, nearly spilling the contents as you open the latch and peer inside.  Whatever excitement you’d felt before was gone.  “It’s just gold.”

“Never have I seen anyone so disappointed to look upon a fortune.”

You close the top and unbuckle the metal lock on the strap, wrapping it under your coat and over your shoulder.  Locking the buckle quickly the bag is once again secured at your hip.  You tug the strap to ensure it isn’t going to fall, forcing a twinge in your palm.  “I was hoping there would be something that would enlighten me to my identity.”

“Sometimes it’s a blessing to forget,” Astarion says, his eyes distant.  “To be lost.”

Whatever pain you see on his face is quickly wiped away and replaced with a fake grin.  “Don’t expect me to teach you how to read, that seems more like Gale’s thing.”

“Astarion…”  You can’t help but want to reach out to him.  You almost do but instead lift your left hand to rub at the bandage on your other palm.  You can’t look away from his eyes, the sheer lifelessness in them.  There is nothing you want more than to tell him he can escape Cazador, be free either as an ascended vampire or a spawn, but you can’t.  So you say, “We’ll figure it all out.  Everything.”

“Of course,” he agrees.  His eyes narrow on you.  “But remember what I said.”

“You won’t teach me to read.”  You snicker to yourself, holding your injured hand up to hide your smile.

Astarion huffs.  “You owe me.”

“Yes, yes.”  You wave him away, pretending your debt is no big deal.  “I owe you.  But…thank you for getting my bag back.  I know it’s not your thing to help people and you went out of your way to find it.  I appreciate it.  Truly.”

Astarion clears his throat, shifting his shoulders to straighten his posture.  “I merely thought you would be a good person to have in my debt.  Mind you that was before I learned you can’t read.”

His words are a stab in your gut.  Not only did you not know who you are here, you couldn’t even read anything you might find that could help you!  You’d yet to check the bag on your lower back, but the idea of more disappointment kept you from doing just that.  At least, for a bit, you could live with the hope it contained something about yourself.  

The longer you thought like this…the harder reality hit.  A strange new world, no family, no friends, not even Tav really (but it was nice to know you hadn’t been abandoned yet).  And a tadpole in your head.  And a long road to Baldur's Gate fraught with peril.  “I should go grab that staff…and thank Auntie Ethel.”

A deal with a hag was starting to look tempting right about now…

Up top you’re able to get your staff with little interference.  A tiefling guard asked why you were going into the prison but allowed you entry—Sazza ignored you.

When you go to Auntie Ethel and thank her she assures you it’s no bother.  “You’re still looking a might peaky petal.  You’re sure you're feeling all right?”

You hesitate, shifting on your feet.  The disguised hag steps closer, eyeing you with too much interest.  

“You know I might have something that could help you,” she reveals.  “I marked my home on your friend's map, talk to me there.” 

Auntie Ethel leans in.  “I have a feeling I know what’s got you in a tizzy, child.”

You gulp and nod, unable to do anything else.  That old lady facade was dropped in an instant, and you wonder if she knows more about your problems beyond the tadpole. 

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[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Don't Speak 43

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Not this guy again.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me 

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

You hole up in the room you’re allotted. You don’t quite know what to do with yourself. You don’t have much. Just your journal, the tablet, and the few garments you packed. 

You pace, sit, stare out the window, pace again. You make yourself dizzy as you walk in circles. You fall onto the bed and huff. You still haven’t cracked. For some reason, that tingle in the corners of your eyes evaporated once alone. The agonized tugging in your chest remains but you can’t summon a single tear. It’s as if your body’s numbing itself to the pain.

You watch the time in the margin of the small screen. Closer and closer. Just after noon there’s a knock on the door. You go to it but don’t open as she speaks through the barrier. Ann. His wife. She asks if you’re hungry. You’re not. Just tired but painfully awake.

She tells you to come downstairs if you change your mind. You won’t. You can’t bring yourself to face her. Or to put it more truthfully, to face the truth. 

You plug in the tablet as the battery dwindles. A few more hours. Closer and closer. It’s the only thing that keeps you going. For a moment, you doubt yourself. Is it wrong?

Evening darkens the windows. You nestle into the chair in the corner as you rest the tablet on your bent legs. You try to busy yourself with a matching game but you can’t focus. You sit in the shadows and wait and wait and wait.

It’s just you and the screen. That tenuous limbo stretching on and on. Then it pops up. That notification. The camera app interrupts your matches with an alert; ‘motion detected’.

You tap it without a thought. Your stomach twists and your throat squeezes tight. You bite down on your knuckle as the app loads. Your teeth pinch but you don’t care. This is it.

The front door closes as Andy steps onto the mat. He tilts his head as he listens, unaware of the camera across from him, just as you had been. He narrows his eyes but shrugs. He sets his bag down, just like he always does, and unbuttons his coat with a sigh.

He hangs it and looks over his shoulder again. He scratches his chin before he lifts a foot, taking off one boot than the other. He yawns and stretches his arms, rolling his shoulders. A low growl rumbles from his throat.

“Dove,” he calls out, “I hope you’re not working too hard…”

He disappears into the front room. That’s the thing, the camera is stagnant. You can’t see it all but you can hear it. You turn up the volume as you hunch down, ears pricked as you hear his distant voice.

“Honey?” There’s the clink of porcelain then frantic steps. He comes back to the edge of the frame, “Dove!”

He stops at the bottom of the stairs, close to the lens. You see the tension in his cheek, the tick in his jaw. That expression that used to make you wilt. He stomps upstairs, once more out of sight. You hold your breath as the corners of your lips curve.

“Fuck,” his voice precedes him as he barrels back down, his shoulder brushing the camera. “Dove–” 

He chokes on his holler as he backs up and faces the small white box. The ‘speaker’. His omniscient companion. He scowls and grabs it, dislodging it from the wall. He brings it close, looking down the lens.

“What?” He whispers in confusion.

You want to laugh. You want him to hear you laughing. But that fear he feels is nothing compared to the terror he instilled in you. Not just of him, but yourself. He made you afraid of your own skin, your own mind, your very being. In that moment, he can’t know even an ounce of the torture he put your through.

“How does it feel?” You whisper. “How does it feel?!” Your voice comes louder, “asshole!”

Your feet slip off the cushion and the tablet falls flat. You clap your hand over your mouth, hoping you weren’t careless enough to be heard past the walls. Your heart races as your breath burns in your throat.

“Dove!” Andy snarls at the camera, “come back. Right now. I forgive you, you can still come ba–”

You black the screen and his pleas mute. Just like he did to you. He never heard ‘no’. He never heard ‘enough’. You grip the edges of the lifeless tablet and shudder weakly.

“Sweetheart,” Dr. Kemp’s voice jolts you from your trance. You look up at him, horrified. How long had he been there? “Dinner’s ready. Come meet the kids.” He keeps his hand on the door as his silhouette is limned from behind. “They’re gonna love you.”

🕊️

“Harper, Avery,” Ann’s voice is firm, almost scary as she interrupts the children’s argument over something called Bluey, “we have a guest, please.”

You sit quietly at the other side of the table, on an island all your own. Steve sits at one end of the table, Ann the other, and the two children sit shoulder to shoulder on the other side. You look at your plate and push around the peas, mixing them into the mashed potatoes.

“Everything alright?” Ann asks. As you look up, you find her watching your fork.

“Yes,” you murmur with a tiny nod, sinking your chin back down as you try to fade out of existence. 

Steve clears his throat. You wince and scoops up a mix of peas and potato. You force it into your mouth. You don’t want to be rude. Besides, chewing is a good excuse not to answer any more questions.

“What is she doing here?” The boy, Harper flings flecks of potato around his plate as he smashes his fork into the soft heap.

“That’s not a very nice question,” Steve girds. “She’s a friend, she doesn’t need a reason to be here.”

“Jasmine, Jasmine!” Avery chimes as she tilts her head back and forth.

“Avery,” Ann snips, “don’t you say that name.”

The little girl snaps her mouth shut and blinks in fright. You peek over at Ann as she forces a smile and shakes her head, the pretty flip of her blond hair brushing against her shoulders. She meets your eyes with a pretty laugh.

“We don’t like to talk about the past.”

“I’m sorry, mommy,” Avery babbles.

“It’s okay, honey, but you know Jasmine wasn’t nice,” Ann trills, her eyes clinging to you. “She was a nanny,” she lowers her voice, “and she really liked my style, mm. You know, sticky fingers.”

You nod as you glean her meaning. A thief. You squirm and take another bite. You hope she doesn’t suspect you of anything like that. You would never touch anything of hers. Ever.

Your eyes flit over to Steve. You find him watching you. His cheeks dimple with content.

“Like she says, leave the past in the past,” he sighs, “the kids are in school now and we found a private day care for date nights. It all worked out in the end. It always does.”

You try to smile and swallow tightly. You reach for the glass of water and gulp. The potatoes are garlicky and the peas shriveled and dry.

“It will, honey,” Ann adds on. “Now you’re here and you can start working on you.”

“What?” Harper crinkles his nose.

“Nothing to worry about,” Steve dismisses, “so, kids, tell me about school. How much trouble did you get in?”

You can’t help but wallow in dejection. You never had that. A father that cared about your day. You doubt you’ll ever have a husband to kiss your cheek. The only man who ever loved you, hurt you in ways no one else ever did. He never cared about you, just what he could get from you.

The food turns bitter on your tongue. You eat without tasting, stare without seeing, and suddenly, you’re alone. It’s only the clink of a plate that brings you back. You look up as Ann takes your empty plate.

“Hungry?” She preens.

“Oh, um, can I help?” You go to grab the plate but she keeps it out of your grasp.

“No, honey, you’re our guest. You just…” she bats her lashes as you as her pretty cheeks bulb and her lips pull taut beneath her pink lipstick. She reaches to pet your cheek, “just relax, okay? You’re safe, now.”

You don’t know how to answer, so you don’t. You find it hard to even look at her. She’s so perfect and pristine. Of course Steve loves her. You’re so stupid!

You look across the table at the empty chairs and hear the kids giggling and stomping in the next room. Steve’s deep timbre rumbles under their chirpy tones. You stand up numbly and sidle out from in front of the chair.

“If you need to go lay down, you go ahead,” she squeezes your shoulder, “the kids can be so rambunctious.”

“Thanks, i… think I will.”

You pad off and stop just in the archway to the front room. You peer through and see the kids playing on the floor; Avery brushing the hair of her doll and Harper bashing trucks together as Steve pushes around another. He sits on the floor with them. He’s too good for you, you knew that all along.

He looks up and catches your eye. He smiles bigger and you make yourself walk away. You continue upstairs and into the room. Not your room, the room they allow you. Just like before. You’re just another burden.

You go to the bed and move the tablet from where you left it on the pillow. You keep yourself from putting it on the night table and slide back the cover. There’s an endless slew of notifications. Messages in all caps; emails notifying of you a new rating on your Etsy shop. Bubble after bubble.

Andy. His texts swing between pleading and anger. From accusations to desperate declarations of love. In one, he says he needs you so bad, in the next, he calls you ungrateful.

You flip to your inbox and tap the link to your shop. Every item ranked one star. All the way down. Long comments about being a scam or low quality or just profanity from top to bottom. It’s no coincidence.

You clap the cover over the screen and set it aside. You’ve burned that bridge but you don’t mind the smoke. Better than standing in the flame. 

You lay down, flat and feelingless. You stare at the ceiling until your eyes close on their own. You’re so so tired. You let yourself drift into a shallow sleep, the sort where the world exists just beyond a see-through curtain. Light, sound, and noise sifts through the cloudy layer of your subconscious.

The door snaps shut and you sit up with a gasp. For a moment, you’re back in the room at Andy’s house. It’s him standing at the foot of the bed, fuming as he snarls at you, ready to pounce. You shake off the daze and see clearly.

Ann stands with two glasses in her hands. The golden wine streams with bubbles as she smirks at you. You gulp and pull your legs up, folding them before you.

“Sorry, sweetie, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she says, “I was hoping we could have some girl time while Steve puts the kids to bed.”

“Oh,” you frown. You're confused. You only just met her and she’s acting like your best friend. She’s too good to be true, just like her husband. Husband. Ugh.

“I had some pinot and I don’t usually have someone to share with,” she comes up the side of the bed and sits, holding out a glass.

“Well, er, I…” you accept it by the stem and stare through the yellow contents. “Thank you.”

“I checked with Steve that you’re not on anything it would interact with,” she assures.

You hold back a wince. Right, you’re still just patient to her. You’re surprised she let you sit at the same table as her children. You bring the brim towards your lips.

“Cheers,” she stops you and outstretches her arm.

“Cheers,” you clink your glass before rescinding it, greedily sipping. You remember not everything was so dire when you drank just enough.

She sips daintily, watching you over the crystal. She draws her lips away, a pink stain on the glass. Your cheeks are hot as you wait for her to look away. Does she hate you? Can she see right through you? Does she know about all those dumb emotions you’re drowning in?

She sighs and leans to place her glass next to your table. She sits back, planting her hand on the mattress as she angles herself toward you. She brings a knee up onto the mattress. You drink to calm your nerves.

“You are so pretty,” she says. You nearly choke as you sit up rigidly. Disbelief arches your brows and rounds your eyes. “Really, you are.”

“Um, thanks, you are too,” you eke out.

“You think so?” She challenges.

“Y-yeah,” you stutter.

“What makes me pretty?”

You shake your head, you don’t know what she means. You frown. “I don’t know… you… you’re makeup and… your hair. You… you have nice eyes.”

“Sweetie, you’re so cute,” she trills, “I could do you up. Put some makeup on you too, do your hair…” she touches your cheek again, brushing her knuckles along your skin. “You could put on something sexy.”

You grip the wine glass tight and pull away from her touch. You set the glass with hes  and turn to push away. She catches your arm and rips you back. You whimper as she covers your mouth and pushes you down onto your back.

She bends over you and hushes you, her breath tinged with wine. She hovers her mouth just above her hand as she smothers you with her palm. You whine and curl your fingers around the blankets.

“You’re okay, sweetie,” she purrs, “just relax. You wanna be ready for him, don’t you?”

Your eyes nearly pop out of your head as you murmur into her palm.

“Let me help you out,” she trails her other hand down your stomach, poking along the front of your pants and dipping beneath, “I’m not going to hurt you.”

You lock up. You couldn’t move if you tried. This can’t be happening. It doesn’t make any sense. Why would she do this? Why would Steve let her? He wouldn’t, right? She can see right through you and your childish crush. She’s just trying to scare you away.

[bettysupremacy]

Always

Summary: What if Steve had been wounded worse in the upside down?

A/N: I’m working on some requests I got recently that I really liked

Upset swirls deep in Steve’s stomach. It plants roots and grows upwards towards his chest, penetrating his heart, quickening his breaths. He’s so scared right now.

Scared of what? He doesn’t know for sure.

The fact that he’s back in the upside down, the fact that she’s here with him. The fact that he couldn’t save her, that she needed to save him.

It’s a foreign feeling for him, for sure. The feeling of being looked after, attended to. The way she stood in front of him, oar raised high as bats circled them in a cluster. The way she swung it senselessly, hitting them out of the air one by one.

He watches her back move up and down, breathing heavy in rapid panic.

He retches, the smell of the upside down getting to his stomach worse than the upset. Dead skin, stagnant bats, and whatever the green sludge was, permeating the air. His hands dig into the deep gravel of whatever they’re standing on.

“It’s okay, baby, let it out.”

He doesn’t have time to care about her seeing this before he retches again. Hands are in his hair, pulling his bangs from his sweaty forehead. They work their way down to his neck, knuckles coming to wipe away his sweat again, and down to his shoulders, kneading the tense flesh, as someone whispers words of encouragement.

“Was there something in those bat bites?” A wary voice asks, tone deaf of the atmosphere. “Is he purging?”

“Smell.” Steve chokes out. “Smell.”

“What?” Robin gawks.

“He said it’s the smell, lets get him away from here.”

Eddie helps Y/N lift him up, hoisting one arm over his shoulders, and the other over hers. Steve taps her arm lightly and she intertwines her fingers with his, letting his head loll to her shoulder, pain and nausea getting the better of him.

“I know, honey.” She coos, leading him towards any sort of shelter slowly. “I know it hurts, but we’ve gotta get you out of here.”

Her left hand comes up to drift above his ear, pulling tendrils of hair away from his face. His eyes close in content, focusing on her working fingers, rather than each excruciating step he takes.

“I think I see a rock.” Nancy yells, unaware of the pounding drum it sets off in Steve’s head. Her and Robin are up ahead of Y/N, Steve, and Eddie, holding hands so tightly that white bleeds around their wound fingers.

He whimpers, pushing his nose into the fabric above her shoulder, holding back a gag at the stench it holds of the upside down.

She covers his ear as Eddie yells, “I don’t think a rock will cover us, Nance!”

“Lovers rock!”

The surprise in Y/N and Eddie’s locked eyes shows quickly, pushing them to move Steve quicker. The hand over Steve’s ear slithers around his waist, over Eddie’s arm, as they movie him swifter. It gives him more support to stand and walk, but he whines in pain at the loss of her comfort.

“Almost there, baby, almost there.” Her hand gives his fleshy side a squeeze, “You’ve got this.”

They clamber over rubble and roots as they try to get Steve to a safe place. His back rubs raw against the stone as he slides into a seating position, but all he can focus on is the way his stomach is rumbling impatiently.

She sits next to him, letting him lean to the side, head in her lap. She kisses his hairline despite the gunk and grime in it.

“Show me his cuts, Eddie.”

Eddie looks down at her warily, pointing his finger to his chest. “Me?”

“Yes, please.”

He looks at the two girls standing pleadingly, but they look back at him expectantly. Traitors. He bends, lifting Steve’s shirt gently. He moans out in pain, startling Eddie away from him.

“Gently.” Y/N direct’s, “You gotta keep going.”

He looks at her desperate face, begrudgingly giving into her orders.

“You can’t stop, I need to see his cuts.”

The cloth is sticky and wet as it peels from Steve’s abdomen, some parts are already a dry brown. Eddie tries not to think about his fingers touching it. He doesn’t stop when Steve cries out again.

“Oh my god.” Eddie gags as the shirt is completely lifted.

Robin is staring at her best friend in startled horror. “Is he going to live?”

Nancy gives her girlfriend a look that screams not right now.

“I just gotta,” Y/N’s hands shake as she grabs the shirt from Eddie, adrenaline of the experience catching up to her. “I don’t have anything to clean them with.”

“We’re not gonna find anything down here.” Eddie sighs, bringing his hand to cover his eyes exasperatedly.

“My house is not far from here, maybe there’s something there.” Nancy gives.

“I wouldn’t trust any upside down shit on his cuts.” Robin deadpans.

They’re all looking at Y/N expectantly, practically begging for her to tell them what to do. She doesn’t know. Why are they looking to her? Nancy is the natural leader.

“What do I do, Nance?” Her shaky, gross, hands come up to wipe at her face.

“Wrap his cuts so they stop bleeding, even if we can’t clean them.” She starts to rip the white cloth from her stomach, bunching it up and handing it to Eddie as she helps Y/N lift him. “We can bring him to my house for shelter as we figure out how we’re getting out.”

“How are we getting out?” Robin glances at her girlfriend, but nobody answers her.

Nancy tightly wraps the cloth around Steve, helping Y/N and Eddie lift him to a standing position. The walk to Nancys house is almost as excruciating as the walk to lovers rock. He trips over rocks and vines as Eddie and Y/N support most of his weight, even with Nancy behind him holding his back up.

“Almost there, almost there.”

With the house in view, their pace grows quicker. More coveted to reach the abandoned Wheeler home. Inside, it’s exactly what’d you expect. Family home of five washed up like nobody has stepped foot in here.. ever.

They lay him on the filthy couch as the three other terrified teens look for answers.

He grumbles, no doubt asking her a question, but she can’t quite make out what he’s saying.

“What is it, babe?” She sticks her ear closer to his mouth.

“Are you.. okay?”

A startled laugh bubbles out of her chest as she lifts up her head. He smiles confusedly up at her.

“You were just attacked by a buncha demon bats and you’re asking if I’m okay?”

“Need to know my baby’s okay.” His voice is hoarse and rough. No doubt from being choked and throwing up. Oh, she’s so glad he’s alive.

Her eyes well suddenly. Everything that occurred in the last 24 hours catching up to her. She turns and looks in the backpack she was wearing when she jumped in. It’s drenched, though the contents within are relatively dry.

“Do you want water? Or crackers? They’re kinda crushed, but you haven’t ea-“

His hand has come up to push hair behind her ear as she looks down at him. “Why’re you crying?”

The silence that follows frightens him. It’s so loud he fears his ears might pop. He can hear muffled thuds of the gang upstairs, the distant bat outside the house.

“I was just really worried.” It cracks halfway through as her lip wobbles, effectively breaking his heart.

“Don’t be,” he pushes up, trying to sit, but she has to worriedly grab his arms and help him. “Look I’m okay.”

“You weren’t.” Her eyes flick to the red soaked cloth on his stomach, wrapping her arms around his neck and nuzzling into it, letting her shoulders shake with the sobs she’s been holding on.

“Oh, my girl.” He pats her back, swaying them. “You can’t get rid of me like that.”

“No?”

“No way, are you kidding me?” She lifts her head up and he noses at her cheek. “Don’t be sad, please, not over me.”

His middle finger wipes the tears from her both her eyes delicately.

“I’ll always be sad over you.” She frowns.

He pauses. That foreign feeling is back again, burrowing under his skin. He doesn’t notices she’s closer until her arms are wrapping around him, snaking their way into a protective hold.

“Always.”

Her warm hands slowly drift down his back and under his shirt, working their way around his torso. He sighs at the contact, letting himself pull her closer so he can rest his cheek on her shoulder. He lets himself be held by her, lets himself revel in the feeling of being loved, cared for, needed.

They grasp each other with a mutual desperation that they don’t think they’ve ever felt before.

His lips mold into her neck as he presses a lengthy kiss to it. “I wanna take care of you.”

“Who’s gonna take care of me when there’s no one to take care of you?” There’s a heartbeat of silence, “Exactly. Please let me take care of you, for my sake.”

“Okay.” His hands hold her tighter.

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

[poppy-thatcher]

Kintsugi (Bakugo Katsuki)

A/N: I don't even care if anyone reads or likes this one. It's 100% self-indulgent. Though, I guess they all are. But this one let me get stuff off my chest that I've been bottling up.

All this to say... I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of 6 years.

The argument at the beginning is, more or less, how our last conversation went. I held back on some of the more cruel things he said to me. And the part after... that's me mending my broken heart the only way I know how to. With protective, cocky, Pro-Hero Bakugo.

You thought he was your forever... but who knew forever had an expiration date. But no worries... your shattered heart won't stay broken for long. And him, he plans to mend your shattered pieces with gold.

Warnings: Cursing from you-know-who. Suggestive talk.

Everything with him tonight felt forced. His smile wasn’t as bright, his attention a little spacey. When I gingerly walked him to his car, clutching my hurt side tightly in my hand, he spun to face me. The sheen in his eyes glossed them more than normal. My heart hammered in my chest. This look was very familiar to me. One I didn’t want to see ever again, one I was promised I’d never bear witness to again. A look I witnessed when we took our 3-month break after 3 years of being together.

With a wavering semblance of braveness, I stepped in front of him, my eyes immediately catching his as I spoke words I didn’t want to. 

“Just… just talk to me, please,” I muttered, trying to get him to open up to me, to relay an ounce of what he was feeling. “I can see the pain in your eyes when you look at me, please stop hiding whatever it is you’re afraid to tell me!”

“I’m… I’m moving back home in a few months!” He shouted, a single tear streaking down his handsome face.

He knew this new adventure was something I couldn’t follow him on. He knew I had things here that tied me down to my location, my home.

“I love you more than I’ve loved anyone or anything,” he gently smiled at me, “But I can’t stay here with you any longer. This place makes me feel like my life is stagnant, like I’m wasting my time. I need to get out of here.” 

“Oh.” I quietly said.

“We don’t have to split up right away. I’ll be here a few more months before I head back. We can spend our last months together, making memories.”

I nodded, a hollow feeling in my chest, and stepped back. For the first time in our 6-year relationship, I didn’t feel like seeing him or being in close proximity to him.

“Are you okay?”

 I didn’t know how to answer that loaded question. My recent surgery left me weak, mentally and physically. Then the person my life circled around, the person I sacrificed pieces of myself for to make sure stayed happy, felt as though his life was stagnant. I had felt like the world’s biggest failure. What good was I if I couldn’t even make my closest friend feel like life with me was something worth sticking around for? Adding an impending expiration date on what we shared didn’t seem like the healthy option but my nerves made me keep those thoughts to myself. Maybe, just maybe, the little time afforded was better than nothing.

Silent tears streaked down my face. I gently wiped them away and looked into his alluring eyes.

“I understand that you have to go. But remember that I’ll miss you more than you can imagine.”

And he tightly pulled me into his chest, holding me close.

I quietly whispered, “I wish you would stay with me, but I understand why you have to go.”

He scoffed and pushed away from me a bit, “That’s a really selfish thing to say!”

I blinked rapidly, my eyes making contact with his, trying to figure out if his loud tone was genuine or if he was joking.

“Sorry?” I said, or more like questioned, unsure how to handle the new situation. Apologies always fell so easily from my lips in an attempt to stop the ever-ticking time bomb from combusting.

“Are you really though?” He asked, his brows furrowing as he kept me at arm’s length.

“For telling you how I really feel? No. I guess I’m sorry that I shared my feelings with you though.” I snapped back.

He gently pushed me away from his hold, pushing himself a few steps away to create space between us again.

“My life is stagnant because you made it that way! You,” and he exhaled, running his hands through his shoulder-length hair, “you made my life stagnant. You’re this burden I didn’t ask for, this dead weight that I can’t bother to carry. I deserve to live my life without dealing with your problems. I have my own to take care of.”

I loudly swallowed, attempting to keep my tears at bay. I pushed as far away as I could, not wanting him to hear the moment my heart shattered beyond repair.

“I didn’t ask for your help…” and he quickly cut off my rant.

“You’ve done absolutely nothing with your life and I don’t want that to be me! If I stay with you, here, I’ll end up sad and pathetic like you. So I’m moving.” 

I nodded, putting my head down to not display the silent tears streaking down my face.  

He stepped close, heavily sighing, and raised my face to look into his stupid mesmerizing eyes.  

“Making you cry was the last thing I wanted to do.” 

I pulled my face out of his hands, keeping my eyes to the ground.

Knowing someone I cared deeply about felt this way about me broke me to my core. He knew I felt this way about myself. He knew hearing these things would undoubtedly hurt me beyond repair. He knew this was something I struggled with immensely. Feeling like I was a burden, like I wasn’t enough, like I was just wandering through life trying to find my purpose and coming up empty-handed every time. 

“We can stay together until I move, if you want. I don’t want us to end this way, on this horrible note.” 

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, wondering why he thought that was something I’d even want to do. No matter how much I stupidly still loved and cared for him, being with someone when there was an expiration date didn’t feel all that healthy. Even more so when I knew I was nothing but a burden to him.  

“I’d really rather not. No sense in staying some place I'm not wanted.” I exhaled, trying to stay strong and stop the tears from flowing.  

“I thought you loved me?” he snarled, scoffing back at me.  

“Funny, I could say the same to you. But you don’t feel that way about someone you love. Someone you love is never a burden, never dead weight. They’re someone you encourage… not put down.” 

“Oh, now you’re just being a selfish asshole about it!” 

I scoffed again, realizing this idiot never loved me. Not in the way that I loved him. He couldn't possibly love me with the way he was dismissing my feelings so casually. The way he always did, now that I thought about it. It was clear that he only ever loved himself.  

I spun to go back inside my apartment but was quickly turned to face my new ex.  

“There’s no coming back from this. Walk away now and I’ll not look back, I’ll not love you ever again.” 

I roughly yanked my arm from his grasp, “Like you ever did.” 

And I slammed the door in his face.  

I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going, mindlessly trying to juggle everything in my hands while I made my way through the people to get to the cash register that sat on the other side of the store.

I could see my destination in sight. But before I could even make it that far someone bumped into me, sending all my held items tumbling to the floor.  

I pouted and kneeled, beginning to pick them up slowly, mentally trying to figure out how I would balance them again by myself.  

His voice cut through the air as he called my name. My heart clenched and I quickly looked up into his familiar mesmerizing eyes.  

“Wow, it’s good to see you! You look…. well... you look great!” he smiled down at me, not helping me pick my things off the ground, just watching as I struggled.  

I smiled and quietly thanked him, not wanting to be rude and have him cause a scene. I went back to my task, paying him no mind. After a few struggles, I stood, hands full once again, and saw that he was still standing in front of me. He looked down to my full arms and gave me this smug look.  

“Retail therapy? Still brokenhearted after all these months?” he smirked that deadly smirk that always made my heart race.  

It did absolutely nothing to me this time. 

I lightly laughed.  

“You think I’m still hung up on you?” 

And he leaned in close to me, making me try to take a step back, newly realizing I was already far too close to a clothing display to afford that luxury.  

“You’re not?” And he brushed his fingers across my new bangs, carding his hand through my hair as I tried to find a way to make space between us.  

“I’d sure as hell hope not. Not when she’s got someone like me to turn to!” I heard the gruff voice behind him.  

I exhaled, finally feeling more at ease.  

Katsuki pushed my ex out of my personal space and grabbed all the clothes I had in my hands, tsking and glaring at my ex for not even offering me any help. He winked my way and went to the cash register, everyone parting ways for the big Pro-Hero.  

My ex opened his mouth like he was going to say something. But Katsuki’s booming voice cut him off.  

“Oi, short shit… get that perfect ass over here!” he said, knowing his words made my face heat up and my cheeks and ears to tinge pink.  

“Sorry,” I said to my ex, passing him.

Old habits die hard.  

My ex, unknowingly to me, followed slowly behind. No doubt, to see what I was doing with a Pro-Hero.  

“Do you have to be so loud?” I quietly murmured, blushing Katsuki’s way.  

He smirked, making my face that much more red, and pulled me tightly into himself, coiling his hands around my waist and resting them at the apex of my butt.  

“I don’t havta be, sweet cheeks,” he said, nudging my nose with his perfect one, “but I want that idiot of an ex to stay the fuck away from what’s mine.” 

“Yours, huh?” I smirked back, biting my lower lip.  

Katsuki’s eyes immediately drifted to my lips and then his vibrant vermilion eyes met mine quickly.  

“Why did you have to get so much stuff?!?” he whined, turning to the cashier who was still ringing my items up, but not daring to remove his hands from my waist.  

“You said go wild!” I laughed, “You could have gotten here sooner, ya know? So you could reign me in!” 

“No, no. I wanted ya to get the things ya wanted. I just… I need ya like right fuckin’ now. And this is gonna take us all day!” 

“It will not, you’re such a baby!” I laughed as he grabbed me tightly in his arms, nuzzling his head into my chest as I ran my fingers through his soft hair, making him purr. 

“So… you using the hero for his money?” my ex said, finally making himself known.  

Katsuki didn’t move from his position, just turned his head to make eye contact with my ex. He didn’t say anything but the glare he gave him made my ex take a step back.  

“It’s just… she wasn’t particularly well off when we split. And it’s only been a handful of months since then. I didn’t think she’d replace me that quickly. Not to mention, she’s probably not found anything she’s particularly good at, right? She still kinda stagnant in life?” 

I loudly swallowed, trying to not let my ex’s words get to me. Before I could say anything Katsuki stood straight up but kept me tightly in his arms.  

“I’m gonna explain shit to you so your dumbass might learn somethin'. One, she’s not using me for my money. I care for her deeply and takin’ care of all her needs, gettin’ to see that beautiful fuckin’ smile is worth more than money can ever buy. Two, she’s not required to figure herself out in a set timeframe. Some of us take time to grow and learn what we want outta life. What she needed was someone to challenge her, inspire her, and encourage her to do and be whatever the fuck she wants to be. Whenever the hell she wants to be it. I got nothin’ but time when it comes to her.” And he pushed my bangs back, kissing my forehead, as I blushed again.  

My ex stood there, brows pulled together, mouth agape. Katsuki turned back his way, keeping me tightly to his side as his hand rubbed methodically on my bare arm.  

“By the way. She’s not stagnant. I’ve had her for 4 months and she’s blossomed into everything I could have needed her to be. She’s attentive and a people pleaser. I might have taken advantage of that fact a few times. She’s understanding of me and my hero work. And she’s just genuinely great at everything she does. I wouldn’t change a fuckin’ thing about her beautiful ass. How’s your life goin’ though, pal? Weren’t you supposed to move back to your hometown or some shit like that?” Katsuki laughed, handing the cashier his card, “hey, your loss is my gain. And I ain’t letting her go as easily as you did. I’m gonna marry her and make her have all my fuckin’ kids.” 

“Jokes on you, she didn’t want kids!” my ex laughed.  

Katsuki smirked at him, then looked at me, “She probably didn't wanna have them with a man-child like you. But she’ll have my kids. Won’t ya, kitten?” 

I nodded, blushing, thinking about all the things Katsuki was promising me. I had never met a man who knew what he wanted before. It was shocking and very refreshing.  

“Also, it’s her birthday, fuck face. I’d spend my whole paycheck on her if she’d only let me.” 

The cashier handed me my bags and Katsuki quickly took them from me, tucking me into his side and kissing my forehead.  

“I’m not sure why you’re still hangin’ around. But we’re headin' to my place so I can give her another, bigger, better birthday gift. You’re not invited. I don't share. Later, idiot.” And he pulled us past my ex, making me smile from ear to ear.  

When we stepped outside I pulled myself from Katsuki’s side, bending over, hands on my knees, to catch my breath.  

“Damn, babe. Are you okay?” Katsuki asked, gently trying to move my curtained hair from my face so he could assess me.  

I took a huge gasp in, throwing my head back, finally releasing my loud laugh.  

He rolled his eyes lightly chuckling to himself.  

“You scared the shit out of me, asshole! Jeez!” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me to his fancy car that Valet had brought around.  

“Sorry, but goodness. I couldn’t have asked for a better chance encounter with that jerk. You have just given me the most incredible birthday gift ever!” I said, finally standing in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and playing with his hair that loosely hung at his nape.  

“Nah, don’t think I’m done now beautiful. I got ya a lot more things waitin' up at my place.” He smirked.  

“If it isn’t a puppy, I don’t want it.” I laughed, joking with him.  

“What if I beg instead?” he smiled nice and big. A sight I didn’t see too often.  

“I guess that works,” I said, laughing at him while he ushered me to the opened passenger door, waiting for me to get inside.

Unnecessary Extra A/N: If you did, thanks for making it this far in my ridiculous little self-indulgent story. That first bit hurt to re-read. I haven't cried much over the split. Like yeah, the first day absolutely killed me. My eyes were pretty much glued shut. I wasted 6 of my years with someone I thought was my forever. Not only that, but I was still recovering from emergency surgery and on strong pain meds. It all felt like such a horrid nightmare. But yeah... I cried reading that scene this time. Part of me sometimes thinks I overreacted to the situation. But the rational/logical part of myself felt like the split was a long time coming. Looking back at it now, the relationship was incredibly toxic. He suffered from really bad depression (way worse than my own) and I feel like I sacrificed a lot of myself to try and make sure he was happy. In doing so, I lost myself. I lost that person who loved to be artistic, crafty, and loved to write. I spent so much of my time with him, worrying over so much, that I now have the most horrid anxiety. Some days I feel I'm beyond repair. But the episodes are getting further from each other. I have felt more my original self in our time apart than I have in quite a long while. And I'm incredibly thankful for that semblance of peace I've managed to regain. Sadly, we run in the same circles, so seeing him will always be a possibility. Hopefully, I get the same kind of relief my written self got here. Someone who can appreciate me for who I am and encourage me to be an even better version of myself. I'm definitely not in a rush, since I want to get my old self back and do things that make me happy again, but patiently waiting for my Bakugo! 😆

[unohanadaydreams]

hi! i really like your blog and writings, so i wanted to ask you to write something nsfw with ukitake taicho and fem!reader. i hope you will have fun writing it//also stay hydrated and don't forget to take care of your health, best wishes 🏹💗

Thank you for the well wishes & here is a little blurb for you! Not really explicit, just kind of leads into foreplay.

Juushiro Ukitake x Reader:

The bathroom was lit faintly by the flickering whims of your lantern near the doorway. The black stitches keeping your left cheek from turning into an ugly extension of your mouth scrambled in the dark, your eyes trying to make sense of them in the absence of clarifying light. A rush job during the war painfully re-sewn after. Dark, whispy claws protruded over your skin, looking like they were digging out rather than keeping contained.

Your triple shift was over. You remembered when that used to carry you out of the 4th division and all the way home with grateful gulps of air and excited steps.

Now you couldn’t feel anything towards your work. You left the bathroom, and your blank reflection, behind. Carried by duty alone. You had to leave so you could rest and return and not let your division down.

Gurneys lined the walls. Some filled with dead and some fellow healers desperate for rest in between a double or triple shift. That was how many shinigami the Seireitei had lost, that the hallways were not spilling with any injured. You felt their absence where your enthusiasm used to cradle. They were gone.

You were going too. Home.

A cool breeze greeted you and your lantern once outside. It tickled your stitches and caused a mighty itch that you certainly weren’t grateful for. The walk home was forgotten, your brain glazing over everything but the steady thrum of lanterns bobbing along with other shinigami you passed by.

Electricity back after only a month had been an impossible ask for most divisions. The 4th saved their power for the surgery ward and the three largest rooms of the intensive care ward, large enough to crowd needed beds in. The rest were making do. Including you.

You regained awareness because the wind was whipping your uniform, slapping it to and from your skin. And the circle of paper protecting your flame was thrashing on the end of its wooden stick, snuffing your light.

Dawn would come soon, but not soon enough to guide you home. The clouds holding their fingers firm over the moon allowed a faint glow to guide you. Which would have to do.

The rest of the journey to your serene retreat from the bleak re-building of the Seireitei was fraught. Your right sandal snagged on rubble and tore beyond use. Your socks were logged from stinking, stagnant puddles hidden by the harsh shadow of pile after pile of shattered walls.

By the time your fingers hesitated tugging the door open, your tears had dried and you had long since hammered the delicate paper lantern against a jagged slide of rock beyond use.

“Welcome back,” Juushiro said in greeting, his fingers meeting yours, pulling the door open for you.

Unable to articulate why your feet were bare and beginning to bubble over at the realization that you knew Kido and could use Kido and Kido could have gotten you home in warm fucking light, you gave a watery sniff, “I’m home.”

You only cried a little when he brought you into the circle of his arms.

@

Juushiro was a person. But also a balm. He rubbed your feet after breakfast and also the open, empty part of you, filling it with his gentle touch, until your insides fluttered. Even the tug of your healing cheek was bearable.

Refreshed, you gestured toward the Shogi board in the corner, positioned so the sun light fell across white pieces in a glittering arc, highlighting the game, centering its importance. You had yet to study the board for what you’d missed.

“On a losing streak?”

He laughed. “Not yet.”

You caught on to his tug on your calf, following forward until your head rested on the table rather than your back.

“Much to Nanao’s frustration,” Juushiro said, fingers circling over your left knee, your calf resting on the sharp bone of his shoulder. “The changes I’ve made to the board once they leave have been slight, but enough to keep me afloat.”

With a hum, you flexed your toes, watching the black crescents of bruise on each nail, too stubborn to heal, wag above his head.

“Don’t worry, I’m back to day shifts and doubles at most by the time they switch to Go.”

Nanao drove even relaxation to settle in a schedule. And it was folded in precise thirds on Juushiro’s office.

You and Nanao playing Second in Command, whispering in Juushiro and Shunsui’s respective ears as they waged battle on a board was something you missed.

Even more longed for were the days Juushiro was your second, his body pressing your back while he whispered, Nanao mirroring your determined gaze.

Nanao was your eternal rival and you battled heartily before the real war interrupted.

“I will be in desperate need of you,” Juushiro said with a sigh that sank him backwards. You embraced the position and crawled over him.

“You have plenty of years to conquer the abstract.”

Juushiro kissed your itchy cheek, then your mouth, allowing it to deepen before laying his head back in a pool of silver hair.

“And I’ve had many years of failure.” He thumbed the line of your jaw. “I’m starting to feel sorry for my current bonsai.”

You straddled his hips and rocked with deliberation.

“It’ll grow back and you can try again.”

His breath skipped over a response, moaning instead at the increased pressure of your body stroking his hardening cock.

Licking his lips, his fingers spanned over your thighs, thumbs rubbing to and fro with the rhythm of your rocking.

“Perhaps you can fix it for me instead,” Juushiro said. His knees rose to better thrust up and indulge in friction.

You leaned over him, kissing him deeply, and sucking on his bottom lip before pulling back. Palming the outline of his cock, you rubbed the head in the same motion his thumbs were working at on your thighs.

Languid at last, with only the good on your mind, you held his chest down, right over his shiny, new lungs. These crafted by Kisuke Urahara. Far superior to the ones you’d crammed into his body during the war.

The War. You wanted to know when you could live without it wriggling into every moment.

Juushiro brought you back, guiding you by your hips to slide forward again. He was your favorite Good thing and all you wanted in mind right now.

You tugged at the opening of his kimono.

“I’d rather watch you try again,” you said against his lips. “You’re so beautiful when you do your best.”

Juushiro shuddering as you nipped down his throat, your hand reaching back, tickling up his bare thigh, made you shiver in turn.

“I’ll do my best, then.”

[lurafita]

Piece of dialoge that I would put in a reverse Malec au

As the title states, this is basically me writing down a kinda scene that's swimming around in my head.

it is definitely a story I want to write, but I'm not sure about my ability to write it. However, this one scene, though not fleshed out and pretty much just dialoge at the moment, made me want to type it up and share it with people who might enjoy it. Pairing: Magnus/Alec Lots of friendships and some background pairings that aren't depicted in this scene. Reverse!verse with Shadowhunter!Magnus and Warlock!Alec (as well as other known downworlders being shadowhunters and shadowhunters being downworlders.) I don't think any content warnings apply, as it is really just a scene with dialoge between Alec and Magnus, in which Magnus does most of the talking. Its main purpose is to portray the type of Shadowhunter I believe Magnus would be.

Alec: “You confuse me.”

Magnus, flirting: “In a good way, I hope.”

Alec, agitated: “You say you want to work your way up to a position of power in Idris. Become Inquisitor or Consul one day. Yet you act uncaring about the risk to your life that every new mission poses, and spit in the face of almost all of the Clave’s rules and regulations. I have lived for centuries, and in that time I have met many of your kind. You are… you confuse me.”

Magnus, smiling but contemplative: “I like being a Shadowhunter. Fighting against the forces of evil, protecting those that can’t protect themselves, helping those who need it. Working and training with Raphael and Catharina and Dot and Ragnor. Teaching Simon and watching him grow into his talents, though if you tell him I said that I will deny it. I truly, honestly, love these parts of my life. But I’m not blind to the Clave’s - and Shadowhunters’ as a whole, I guess - many shortcomings and failings. The Clave, our teachings and philosophies are far from perfect, and some are downright unjust. They are so very stuck in their ways and stagnant about the law, they carry prejudice and bigotry at their very center.

"Even after the circle, even after the uprising and the many little and big changes this whole world has gone through, Shadowhunters appear almost allergic to change. Non-heterosexual relationships still are discouraged and looked down upon by many, especially those of higher standings. Relationships with downworlders that aren’t purely professional are just one step above being forbidden, and if it weren’t for the accords, I have no doubt that the Clave would try to imprison anyone who engages in those. "I want to change this. As much as I can. But I won’t do it by playing by the very rules I wish to overthrow. I’m the son of a traitor, but I’m loyal to our mission. I’m openly bisexual, but I’m the best of my generation. I’m friends with more downworlders than most members of the Clave have met in their lifetime and have even dated some of them, and me and my team are still the ones other institutes call upon when they need back up.

"I don’t care about the obstacles the Clave will try to put into my way, or how much they turn up their noses. I will rise up the ranks one day and earn a position that enables me to make things better for the next generation, both Shadowhunters and Downworlders. And I will do it wearing fancy clothes and glittery make-up, proudly proclaiming any relationships I may have as loudly as I need to. I will prove to them that our world needs to change, and that it won’t collapse because a woman is leading an institute without a husband by her side, or because a male Shadowhunter is in a relationship with a male Downworlder. And while I may act a bit blasé about the dangers of my job, I’m not naive to the reason as to why many Shadowhunters die young. "But by the angel, as long as I live, I will walk this path towards change, and I won’t compromise who I am as I walk it.”

Then Alec looking at Magnus a little starstruck and awed.

And Magnus suddenly being a little uncomfortable going: “Phew, that was a lot of far too serious talk. What say you we go out for a drink? I know a great club in the city!”

[dxctorstephenstrange]

“Home Again, Home Again; Jiggity-Jig”

Silence. Dust. Stagnant air.

Months of absence had led to an eerie stillness within the Sanctum Sanctorum. Had anyone dared to illegally enter, they would've found an empty space that even ghost would think twice about inhabiting.

From within the shadows spawned a widening circle of magical sparks, slicing through reality like a spinning scythe. Seconds after its appearance, Doctor Stephen Strange sprang through the glowing portal as if launched.

The sorcerer tumbled until he came to a sudden stop against a bookshelf. He groaned and cursed as he rolled to a sitting position, watching the portal seal itself.

"We did it," Strange said as the last spark of eldritch energy dissipated. He got to his feet, and the Cloak of Levitation lifted from his shoulders, floated a few feet away, and then shook violently to free itself of its dusty coating gathered from the floor.

"Now, to figure out how long we've actually been gone," Strange thought aloud before coughing and waving the cloud of dust from his face. "Thanks for that. Let's get some of these windows open and air this place out."

Thirty minutes later, magical constructs were working feverishly to clean the Sanctum while Strange and the recently-arrived Sorcerer Supreme, Wong, chatted and walked through the Sanctum to check for signs of disrepair.

"Six months? Six goddamn months!? I tracked the days in Otherworld; it had to be at least a year!"

"Time moves differently there, Strange; you know that."

"That last stretch from the Green Chapel to the Portal was rough; Le Fay's armies had the most viable paths fortified.  If it wasn't for King Oberon and his forces, I wouldn't have made it back."

"Morgan Le Fay?" Wong's eyes widened slightly at the mention of the ancient sorceress.  "That's a name I haven't heard in a while."

"Yeah..." Stephen's eyes hinted at a deeper story that he was, as yet, unwilling to tell.  "She was...strenuously intent on keeping me in Otherworld indefinitely."

"Do I even want to know how you ended up there in the first place?"

"It was...a miscalculation. I was attempting to create a multidimensional portal so we wouldn't have to rely on America's powers so much. I was certain I had the incantations down, but..."

"I should list to you the different varieties of foolish you were for trying that, but I suspect you know them by now.  We'll have to strengthen the hex field of that dimension's barriers.  More work for me and the acolytes; thanks for that," Wong sighed.

"Always happy to help," Strange remarked with a smirk.  "Missed ya, buddy."

Wong simply grunted, but he couldn't help but reveal a slight smile of acknowledgment.

"Did I miss anything interesting?"

"The Noor Bangle has been found; an 18-year-old girl in Jersey City is bonded with it."

"Naturally."

"The Avatar of Khonshu was spotted several times in London and Cairo."

"Maybe I should've just stayed in Otherworld," Strange sighed, struggling to wrap his head around the snippets of news.

"There's more," Wong said as he followed Strange into the kitchen.

"Not on an empty stomach," Strange replied with a dismissive handwave as he opened the refrigerator. "Hungry? I'm STARVING."

"No, thank you; I need to get back to Kamar-Taj to consult with the other Masters and prepare for the consequences of whatever you may have, or may not have, done in Otherworld."

"You're so trusting, Wong. Really warms my heart."

Wong grunted in exasperation before drawing open a portal to his chambers, where a woman wrapped in a fleece blanket sat, waiting for him.

"WONGERS! Oh my GOD, you were taking FOREVER! Hurry up; we gotta start Season 3 of Breaking Bad!!! I've almost eaten this whole bowl of popcorn already!"

Wong sighed, then looked at Strange with cautioning eyes.  "Not a word, Strange."

"I'm sorry, but..."Wongers"?"  Stephen repeated in a mixture of disbelief and intense amusement.

"I'm leaving now." Wong charged through the portal in a hurried pace.

"Oh! Buh-bye, sorcerer guy!" The woman called out as the portal sealed itself.

"'Wongers'. That almost makes everything worth it," Strange observed aloud.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

Random’s instructions for sunday 2/5/17

Hi. (tearful) hi. Um, sorry i’m a little….um.. (trying to find words) i’m getting a little panicked about work, and how i’m going to pay rent. (fighting tears) and i need a little counsel here. You know how i did that dual action candle for jakk? The black and the green, for his work? I think i only put small ones (she starts turning things upside down, looking for a green candle) so if i burn a small black and a small green………on a plate…or one the cookie sheet..will that..work on my shit? 

Yes? You think so? And you feel that that’s the best job for me right now? I mean i know that the love between us was just so obvious. 

Are you happy to have myrth? So first i should clean the surfaces that i haven’t cleaned….that’s why i’m having stagnant….right? That’s the first thing i’m gonna do,. That’s the first thing. 

I miss  you so much. (still teary) but i’m happy to be able to communicate with you. Can you help me figure out….once we get a job in place, can you help me figure out how to make this work? Because i would like to get this business going. I mean, i feel like we should have one meeting  a week. Like a three hour meeting. 

Did you see what honza and i did last night? That felt..different. Like…i’m learning to communicate in a different way. (lets out a sigh) so first what you want me to do is clean off the surfaces….god i wish you could just appear….but of course i have to hold you in my left hand, which is my writing hand. Two…..do the candles? 

Three……what do you want me to do third? 

Work on jobs?

No. three..wait…is three….okay, hold on…that is not gonna work. I don’t understand how all this….ok,(writing) surfaces, candles……so i’m trying to figure out…tarot….writing…cause this is stuff that myrth and i talked about today. Surfaces first, candles second, is astrology on the list for today? I have to write that carrie anne lady back who wants to make a life size pendulum. And go back to the tree. Breakfast is on the list for today, aka petit dej (she reads off the list) is that everything? Is that right? So if surfaces is first and candles is second, what is third? Petit dej? Fourth is jobs? 

Is writing fifth? 

And getting carrie anne, 6th? 

Tarot, 7th? 

Tree…….astrology…..ok. That’s everything. Got it. And at some point go back to that store and get..get some more shit. You like him, huh? What’s his name, starhawk? You like him alot. So i should be working on restaurant jobs today. Should i put an ad up about spiritual counseling? Got it. Give my love to everybody. Is david bowie here too? So what’s the deal, now katie jakk and i are doing this wedding processional to blue jean now? Every day!

(this was another ritual i was told to do. I would go to the park, do a dance routine down the path to bowie’s blue jean where i would dance from tree to tree the length of the path, holding jakk’s small picture, and end up at the angel, where i would sing ultralight beam…then to a grassy area east (north of the main tree) where i would sing sufjan’s chicago…then to the tree where i would walk in circles while smashing pumpkins “mellon collie and the infinite sadness” played twice. The first time i would walk clockwise, the second time counter-clockwise. And then i would stand on the roots and sing tonight, tonight with jakk’s picture in my right hand, and the pendulum in my left. In my playlist, this is titled “wedding tree” , and later on, i would be told to do this ritual three times a day, to help jakk’s sickness.  Once, there were police there, and fakekatie pointed to a lady, and said she had reported me days before for insanity, and that i would be getting arrested that day. I didn’t get arrested, but I remember having tapes about it with fakerandom or gina.)

Does he love that? (shrieks with laughter) it’s amazing. What am i supposed to call my business? It seems to have something to do with heroes or blue jean or something. So i would love you for you guys to be talking about that. I feel it in my legs now, i feel like you’re already talking about it. Ok, i love you so much, talk to you later. 

(transmission) 

We need to order pictures too. Oh my god i’m a crazy person. (she hugs the cat that meows petulantly) 

(end of tape) 

J encounter 2/5/17

(talking to psychic jakk…makes a noise, then laughs while gypsy plays in the back ground)

 Hi! I miss you. I mean, it’s nice to feel you at the same time. My cat’s mad cause i won’t give her fresh food. How was work last night? Good? It’s going well, huh? I knew it would. That’s awesome. It’s so good.

 What happened, did matt just take a position somewhere else? 

Is he moving out of new york? 

Wow!  Good for him. 

He’s probably got a family and shit, i mean you can’t blame him. You can only stay in NY for so long with kids. 

Are you working today?

That greenpoint family who has your same birthday, they passed on me because they didn’t have enough hours. Random said…i knew they weren’t perfect for me. Like, working to make it work. It’s the other kid that i really loved. But Random led me on how to take care of work. I was getting a little flipped out. This is a big stretch for me.

 The thing is, nothing has come in restaurant wise, and i wonder if that has something to do with Blond. I don’t know. 

(transmission) 

You think it does? 

She red flagged my…..? Really? *Really*?

Seriously? (gold dust woman plays) 

Ugggh fuck. Can she do that? But she has, she knows, she has nothing to do with me restaurant wise. She knows nothing of my experience. 

Maybe i can ask tylor to look at it. Maybe he’ll be able to see something i can’t. Fuck,ok. 

(louder, amazed) she’s just (screams)

Have you talked to laurie again? Does laurie know that she’s doing these things? 

So what is the plan….i understand that right now what you need to do is stabilize saam bar…right? 

(transmission) 

Right. So…….um, is that what you’re saying yes to, stabilizing saam?

 Is that what Random is telling you to do, also?

Stabilize saam. And basically for us to do this sex ritual every day. And that the idea…is that is he instructing you to start filing for divorce after her birthday? 

So after her birthday. ….

I’m trying to hear what you’re saying. 

Are you still talking about filing for divorce? 

Cause i was getting a little freaked out about what i was gonna do…hopefully i’m gonna get this job. The spirits have a bunch of shit for me to do today. 

And the first thing i’m supposed to be doing is clearing off surfaces, so i can get ready to  do some candle magic on my own job situation,  —what it did on your job situation should have secured it, it should have been pretty powerful. Um, i think i’m pretty good at this. I’m learning. But according to the spirits and what’s been happening at the tree, you and i are pretty tapped in to this stuff.

And like obviously katie is our…she’s our….i don’t know if you want to call her conduit or what…cause i don’t actually know the definition of conduit…( laughs) is conduit the right word? Did i use the right word? I love you so much. 

It’s like we’re in foreign countries..where we don’t have phones (cracks up) but actually you’re just around the corner..and we’re using a pendulum. 

Yeah, so…..they seem to want me to make an instagram post about how my brother and sister in law freaked, the spirits were really pushing that point last night….one step at a time man.

People keep asking me how i feel about this power, and i’m like, it’s intense. It’s alot. 

And like having sex with your boyfriend through a pendulum, it’s great, ……but i want to have sex with my boyfriend.

(laughs) and we just have to keep being patient…cause it’s the greatest love affair of all time. We just got to keep being patient and i am i’m patient. 

I was thinking about you and moco yesterday. I was imagining..him bringing you a lot of comfort. And that really made me happy. 

Did you ever listen to me reading you the comrade poem? Did you like it? I always think of you in that line, “i no longer have one shred of respect for myself, but i see hoodlums who smoke the same cigarettes as me..my god my god i will be accordingly always the same..my head in my hands, and my hands in my head”

We’ve been doing this so long! I’ve never made so much sense, with anyone. I don’t even need to see your face. I can hear your voice in my head…and you make me smile. 

Ann all i have for pictures are pictures that your  wife have taken…but it doesn’t matter.

And that we do this insane wedding promenade to Blue Jean every day, ..crazy but it unites us, and it’s beautiful. And i can feel the root growing, and when i put it together with the prayer and the mantra about the root….the more pieces that i get, ……we don’t need the other stuff. It’s about  us, it’s not about how much money we have, when we have money–great, and when we don’t it doesn’t fucking matter. Because we’ll give everything to each other, and we share all of our problems, and we are so there for each other…but we had to go through all of this, we had to have this war-like love story to get to the other side of this, Jakk. go through all of this ….distance to get here. We had to lose the baby, we had to not know what was happening to us…in order to get here. And now we’re here. And we know we’re gonna get there to get it. We don’t even have to be together to feel each other. And we know it’s the death of katie that has brought us back together, it’s like the song, we fell apart in december but fell back together..it’s what we were meant to do. 

And i know that you know that that song was about the abortion. I know you know it’s about us fighting on the street, and about us being in that medical room, and you catching my eye, and how like……….(teary) how like i was so ..lost..how that was endless, how it was endless, and then…i caught you looking at me…and it was the only thing…that got me through,...was that look, that look and your hand…was the only thing that got me through. That look lasted so long, even if it was just a matter of seconds…that lasted so much longer than that whole experience. 

You know? And now, here we are, you in your apartment, and me in my apartment, pacing the floor like i like to do when i’m talking to you. And we’re together. We found our way back to each other. We know it.(showing him the altar)  The magician and the high priestess, with the strength card between us. And on the other side of my altar is katie and jakk and tinka against the candle of the Baby. so…..i know we’re fine. We just have to keep doing this everyday. 

Alright, are you ready to have sex? (cracks up)

Remember what a mess i was in 2012? 

I mean you were too. But you became my best friend. You did. You were my best friend. And it’s 2017, you’re the magician, it’s time for this shit to happen. 

And that’s why katie keeps making me play five years….over and over and over. Ok, cause i know you have to go to work soon, and who knows, Blond could come home early. Ok, let’s get this shit done. 

I have to go get new pictures of you from staples. 

I keep thinking about jesus and mary magdalene. About me being the holiest woman in the world, and you being the ultimate whore. And how it makes so much sense that we found each other. 

And i keep thinking about why Blond is so deathly jealous of us. 

She’s judas, they say.

Should i feel bad that you’re popping in and checking on me while you’re at work? You’re doing it because you miss me. Yeah you finally realized. I tried to tell you for a long time. I know she made it hard. I know she guilted you into a lot of stuff. She forbid you from seeing me or talking to me, or responding to me.. But i knew you loved me.  I knew what was between us. 

That’s why when i saw the ring on insta, i had a heart attack. 

I might also not…i might save the orgasm for tonight, like we did yesterday. Is that ok? 

You’re losing your signal for some reason.

Did she come home? 

Blond’s home?

Do you want your taylor swift song? 

So i’m just going to let you be on top of me, and i’m not going to have an orgasm. But you are, and that’s what we’re gonna do. 

Gonna give you a special treat…and…this is to keep you going today. (all you had to do was stay starts to play on repeat–she starts making cooing laughter noises) 

Wow….i see you moving. 

How’s that feel babe (she laughs) 

 (                                               )

She laughs some while the song plays, something is comical

You’re ok? 

Did you come?  (She cracks up )

Ok good are we done for today? Do we have to start our day? Ok guys time to start our day. (she laughs some more)

(the music gets loud, end of tape) 

God random j 2/5/17

Hi. that was really jakk, right? 

Ok. 

Well so far today i’ve talked to myrth, random, katie and jakk……..and now you. Am i gonna get that job with mika? You say yes. 

Is it true…jakk said Blond wrote something on my restaurant application??

(transmission)

What did she write? 

Fuuuuck. 

That i was a sex worker?

Fuck. if tylor goes and looks at it, will he see this? (texting) 

You’re saying she did do this. 

(yelling) what are you going to do about her? 

I don’t mean to raise my voice, but …this is unacceptable. 

Look. (getting mad) i have not done anything to her. You know that. (she hyperventilates) 

This is not fair. This is not fair. I just want a job. (cries for a sec, then tries to pull it together. 

Please lord please, this is fucked up. This woman…

Yes, i’m listening. 

I feel like you’re saying “she’s going to get hers”

What do you want me to do? Go back to sexwork? 

Really? Is that what you’re saying? 

(transmission)

Change my name? Change my number? 

Is that what you really want me to do? 

“Go back to tantra.”

(going to the dishes) Is that what you want me to do?

That’s what you want me to do, you want me to go back to tantra. 

What do you want my name to be? 

“Something in the bible.”

(transmission) 

Magdalene? Magdalene? ( she repeats it a few times  )

“Practice here. “

Here? Isn’t that dangerous? I’ll change my number. 

Was allan  one of hers? I thought so.  Magdalene, and change my number?

“ Change it right now. “ 

And…that’s it. magdalene.  Magdalene? (she’s still questioning this choice) 

Am i still gonna get the mika job? 

(she cleans for a while)

Magdalene. 

( the next few minutes she repeats this to herself, trying to feel it out) 

Magdalene. Yes? 

(she finishes making food, slams a lot of drawers)

So……the pictures. 

(transmission)

You want me to take new pictures? 

(transmission) 

Ok. 

It’s only the fifth, so. (about rent being late)

Completely different ad, from my old ad. Of course. 

(eating) 

Um….um…(something new is pinging her)

Is that jakk? 

It’s jakk. 

(still eating)n Hi, jakk. What’s going on?  You wanted to tell me something,  i’m guessing. 

(transmission) 

Blond. 

(still eating) 

My harri…my harri thing?  Yeah, i was just talking to “God” about it actually, and He said she wrote on there that i was a sex worker. 

That’s why i’m not getting any calls about restaurants. Real classy. 

(sighs) 

I thought we had an agreement that she wasn’t going to, like…….that you threatened divorce on her, and she wasn’t going to aggressively go after me anymore. 

I’m not yelling at you…..i’m not….um, it’s not your fault. 

(transmission) 

(texting someone about the situation, the cat meows) 

Ok, well tylor says there’s no place to write on harri…anything like that. 

So what does this mean?

(texting again after contemplation) 

Random!

I really need your help. So what just happened was……..

Jakk told me….is jakk, please tell me the truth Random (exhales) 

Is jakk communicating with me? Has jakk been communicating with me?

(transmission) 

 Is jakk *aware*  that he’s been communicating with me? 

You’re saying yes. 

He just told me that Blond wrote something so that i would not get hired by any restaurants. 

But tylor says it’s not possible to do that. 

Is it that…that she was thinking about doing it? 

In that she’s sending out all this evil eye energy, and that’s why i haven’t gotten….did she do a spell or something? 

(transmission) 

And that’s why i need to do the candle..ok, ok, so jakk has correct info still. 

And so i’m still talking to Jakk and God is that correct. 

And God told me to go *back in* to tantra. 

   As “Magdalene”. 

Do you like that? 

And change my phone number. 

And that you still think i’m gonna get the Mika job. Ok, i’m going to clean off the counters, and do the candles. Thank you for checking in. sorry i got a little flipped out. I’ll talk to you a little later. 

(transmission) 

Ok. thank you. Bye. 

(to self) ok, let’s take a break. Jesus.

All we’re doing is talking to spirits. 

(end of tape)

[januaryagain]

My love,

Where I am, the storm is just beginning.

The rain is filling up the pavement that I find myself aimlessly walking upon. The wind is beginning to pick up and strangers are staring at me; for I do not seek shelter, but rather for the hurricane to take me to you.

I miss your words. The eutony of your name is nothing compared to the love song that is mine coming from your lips. Painted on paper in perfect concinnity, somehow even my own words seem false in comparison to how you used to make them all your own. I haven’t read a novel since you left. I cannot seem to be a witness to love without conjuring an image of exactly how tragic it truly is to be in it. I cannot seem to read the words ‘I love you’ without imagining exactly how you said it to me. People have started to ask me why I’m absent from life, why I’m always famished and exhausted when I haven’t taken a moment to do anything for weeks. I tell them that I am censored by incapability. I tell them that to be present I need to contort everything I see into something other than that contagious vision of you and the way you said those marvellous words.

Where I am, the storm is raging and I am standing alone, simply waiting for it to drench me. I am standing among its chaos, creating a bricolage future from the remnants of my memories with you. People say that I’m mad, but they do not understand at all. But you remember, don’t you? That madness was for us and I’m a fool for it. I am mad, and I am shattered, and I do not wish for the rain to stop until our strings become cordiform once more so that we can, once and for all, be mad together.

Please my darling, write to me once more. Write to me in pen or text or action. Write to me so that I can know that there is a chance you wish to write to me forever. So that my circling thoughts become stagnant, so that my dreams can glitter once more. I don’t think I‘ll ever be content with this ending until you end it with a tear. So my love, write to me please, so that suddenly, you are no longer a stranger to my soul anymore.

You will not return to me, but I desire your redamancy even so. They say that home is where the heart is; you are my home, and I have left my heart with you. Keep it, for if I have it back I fear I will crumble beneath its weight.

In this life or another, until we meet again.

I love you.

[hxneyfaerie]

a secret meeting

later that week, Celia’s phone buzzes with an exciting text. Griff, wanting to see her.

excitement mixes with guilt as she gets ready to meet him, but there’s no time to tune into either emotion. this situation leaves no room for overthinking, a sure fire recipe for pain.

though the sun has long set over Henford, the air is still humid from the heatwave that had settled that afternoon. the lush greenery Celia passes on her walk seems to be thriving from the Sulani-style climate and she finds her spirits rising.

behind the Gnomes Arms, the lazy river appears still to the naked eye. if it wasn’t for the gentle bubbling of the weak current, Celia would assume the body of water to be stagnant. crickets harmonise with each other across the otherwise-silent green.

Griff waits for her at the waters edge, looking broodingly into its surface. she touches the small of his back gently, fondly.

he turns to face her with a warm smile, and pulls her into a tight embrace. all of the guilt fades away. this is right.

“i can’t stop thinking about you,” he says gruffly. “it’s killing me, staying away.”

it’s all so new, and yet Celia has never felt so at home than with him now. “then don’t,” she whispers.

“i’m not going to, not tonight at least.” he grins. “i’ve pulled a Finchwick favour, if you’ll follow me.”

his fingers circle her wrist gently, almost as nervously, and he leads her away from the water, and back towards the village green.

[earthxangell]

☆ﾐ let me comfort you || pick-a-card reading (timeless)

Hello my beautiful star souls and welcome to my new pick-a-card reading! This time I found a very interesting tarot spread and was guided to channel collective messages through it so I hope anyone who needs some encouragement will encounter this post. 

Take a few deep breaths and let your intuition guide you towards a certain pile. Pick a wind chime and read your interpretation down below.

Only for entertainment purposes. Take what resonates and leave everything else behind.

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Pile 1

Your current situation: Your faith is being tested by how much control you give to negative thoughts. It seems that for you it’s hard to stay hopeful and do not let intrusive thoughts get the best of you as you see and feel that any small piece of the control of your own mind and life is slowly slipping away through your hands. You have this wish that you want to fulfill and manifest into your physical reality so badly and sincerely but you’re worrying too much to the point that you’re restless at night and constantly thinking of what’s not working for you, obsessing and encountering these thoughts over and over again. It’s like you’re in this endless cycle of anxiety and despair, not able to fight with yourself and your own demons and get out of this stagnant and overwhelming energy.

What’s creating stress in your life: I think it’s due to the fact that you have to rely on your own wisdom and intuition in this case. It feels like you’re going for something knowing almost nothing about it, what’ll happen in the future and how it will turn out for you. I’m seeing the vision of someone walking on a road with a blindfold, letting their inner compass guide them on their path. Maybe you’re doing this too? Or about to do? You’re getting a strong pull towards some direction, ‘knowing’ almost on a soul level that you have to go in this way but it seems so scary and dangerous at first glance to even consider this option and you may feel hesitant, running circles around this decision, coming back and forward. 

Something that can bring you comfort at the moment: You can find comfort in expressing your authentic self through creativity: painting, writing, singing, dancing, making custom-made jewelry, cross-stitching or whatever activity feels more preferable and enjoyable for you and your inner artist. You need more joy and happiness in your life and ways to express yourself with others while doing something you love, share your gifts and talents with the world in order to stop feeling so fear-driven and anxious all the time. Your own unique light is meant to be seen by people and I’m sure you’ll soon attract a very positive and abundant energy around you that’ll help you transform and move away from the current energy.

Something inspiring or motivating to focus on right now: You have so much more freedom and free will than it seems at the first sight. You’ll have different options and choices to make and to choose from -- you’re more in control than you think you’re and it’s important for you to look through this illusion that your mind has created for you. It’s like a completely blank piece of paper. You can draw an elephant or you can draw a cat - it’s your desires and visions that are important and significant and have an incredible power of creating the life you want. Trust your intuition and trust your own wisdom here more, always come back and check with your inner self before agreeing to go in a certain direction, come from a higher and broader perspective of what you want for your future. Know that your soul and your Higher Self won’t make you go somewhere you aren't supposed to be.

A way to resolve the stress or issue that is causing you stress: Stop thinking so much. Just stand up and make your first step instead of imagining and playing out your plan in your mind, wondering and asking yourself what’ll happen. Take a leap of faith and go. Even if things seem uncertain. Even if things are not happening for you yet and you haven’t encountered any significant milestones your way. Continue with movement and believe that you’ll reach mountains until you’ll discover your  destination. Stay curious to the things that’ll happen to you because it doesn't always have to be something bad and negative. Maybe it’ll be the best experience you’ve ever had in your life. Who knows? Right, no one. Do you think that people in the past knew where they were going when they were discovering new territories or materics? No. And you too certainly don’t need a map to go and embark on an exciting adventure. You’re like them --  a courageous soul that has taken risks and for sure will be granted with gifts and blessings for their boldness.

Someone or something that can offer you support: As something that can provide you with support, I would suggest you start a blog where you can communicate with others and express your journey and struggles that may appear on the way. You’ll find a lot of comfort in talking about that and sharing your experience with others and I’m also sensing a support that’ll come from your followers and people who're going through the same things. As a person, I would say there’s an Air Sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) that is young literally or at heart or an Earth Sign (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) that is quite mature and can represent parental figure in your life and can offer you an objective and honest opinion, perspective and support on your situation. They will provide you with fresh insight and ways of thinking and approaching things that can be quite useful and will bring you a sense of ease and relief. 

Something to be hopeful about and look forward to: This journey will bring you lots of opportunities to grow stronger and release negative patterns and traits in order to heal and move forward with life. Challenges and obstacles can create discomfort because we need to move out of our caves and change our approach, broaden our options and view of the world but sometimes they are necessary - to learn lessons and don’t make the same mistakes again. To conquer any hardships so you could look back and see how much you’ve grown and how much you’re actually capable of. This is temporary and your pain will pass to bring you clarity and transformation. So you could reach your highest potential.

A near future event: I’m seeing a breakthrough in energy for you. You’ll be able to overcome your fear and illusions that may have been created due to the past experiences in your life and come up with an actual plan of actions on this goal of yours. There will be resources and a necessary emotional state, full of determination and willingness to put hard work and effort -- it may seem boring at first since it’ll require you to work methodically, like some sort of a routine or chore that needs to be done every day but it’ll build you success steadily and surely. Maybe you’ll choose to act in small steps but consistently and devotedly so you could still play it “safe” and feel confident in your moves because you know that you’re making progress regardless of how wide or small your actions are.  

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Pile 2

Your current situation: You’re slowly coming to terms with your vision on some sort of a situation in your life. You’re still afraid to dream bigger than your current circumstances that may seem as the biggest limitations in your life but you’re realizing that it’s necessary -- to expand and broaden your perspective, allowing opportunities and chances to come from places that are existing outside of your comfort zone. I’m also getting that you’re very well aware of the obstacles and challenges that may lay ahead for you. It’s still scary and it’s still uncomfortable but you need to stretch and adapt in order to stay committed to your path and grow your potential to succeed, developing confidence too to at least try and go on this path. You may also collaborate with other people right now, with friends or others with whom you can collectively work on something and inspire each other quite a lot while doing that. I’m also getting that this may be some creative endeavor that is your biggest passion and drive right now.

What’s creating stress in your life: You’re not satisfied with your current situation and you need to make important changes in order to improve your circumstances. This requires a lot of patience, focus and determination and I feel like you’re not sure if you’ll be able to make it to the course, even if you’re already working on actively developing yourself and your skills and achieving your goals. I’m seeing a lot of hard-work here that is already happening and if you’re someone who hasn’t got their hands on work yet, I’m seeing you trying to think of solutions on how can you gain courage to act upon your dreams and find necessary opportunities that’ll allow you work solely on this goal of yours.    

Something that can bring you comfort at the moment: For you I would suggest spending time on planning and figuring out your priorities. You can’t do everything at once and you shouldn’t strive for this. Try and think of the things that are important for you at this moment and will make you get closer to achieving your goals - this is where you need to place your close attention. Your focus should be on that rather than trying to achieve and handle everything at once and wondering why you are so low on energy and overwhelmed most of the time after. Work on one goal, then after achieving it - on another. You have your time and you don’t need to rush anywhere. I’m also seeing a vision of someone who’s saying ‘no’ to an invitation to go to a club with friends so they could rest while sleeping. If you feel like you’re tired or exhausted - rest and take a pause if it’s necessary. You’re not a robot and you have your own limits. That is totally fine and completely normal - you’re not weak and your progress won’t disappear anywhere because of that. Recharge your inner batteries first and then you’ll be able to continue with pursuing your goals.

Something inspiring or motivating to focus on right now: You don’t have to wait for the right opportunity to happen and for someone to say that you’re free to go. Instead, you can always make your first move and believe that the Universe will catch you if you do. Sometimes it’s the most difficult thing - to start. And we find ourselves tip-toeing around this move for quite some time before actually making it happen. There’s no better moment than now, sweetheart. You can spend days, weeks, months and years waiting for the right opportunity and the right time to come but this problem and this decision won’t go away until you’ll be courageous enough to solve this. You’re the creator of your Universe and you’re the one who’s making changes, achieving things and conquering obstacles. You have so much control over your circumstances -- instead of letting them dictate you the rules, be assertive enough to set your own rules and boundaries and make necessary steps in order to make steady, firm progress and improve your life. 

A way to resolve the stress or issue that is causing you stress: With these skills that you’re already mastering or only planning to master, I would suggest you get yourself a mentor or take some courses in order to study this subject more thoroughly. I’m also getting the message that you need to start from the simplest things and basics if you don’t want or don’t have opportunity to get yourself a teacher -- this thing that you’re trying to master is widely expanded and explored through the years of its existence. There’s a lot of things that you need to know and there might be a whole system of studies that may seem overwhelming to you at first - so it’s important to start from the smallest things, slowly moving to the complex ones when you’ll be confident enough to do so. You won’t understand some things without the basics so don’t rush and take your time with fully exploring and achieving your knowledge and don’t get discouraged if you’ll make mistakes or it won’t be right at first time. As long as you keep learning, you’re not failing. 

Someone or something that can offer you support: As something that’ll offer you support, I would suggest you pay close attention to your emotions. The positive ones, like happiness, joy and love will lead you to more abundance and harmony in your life - they’re your guide towards your highest good and your Higher Self. When you’re feeling wonderful and ecstatic doing something - do this more often because you’re meant to do something that brings you fulfillment and meaningfulness.As to someone, I’m seeing that your family and loved ones will greatly support you on the road to success. It’s possible that the first person coming to your mind while reading this will offer you help and attention when you’ll most need it. Don’t be afraid to come to this person and ask for help, advice or an ear to listen to you. You have your own team to encourage you. 

Something to be hopeful about and look forward to: I’m seeing you working on making this passion or hobby of yours and turning it into something that can make you feel happy and abundant. You’re acting depending on your vision of dream -- using your emotions, intuition and imagination. You’ve been envisioning this for quite a while and now I’m seeing you finally making moves towards it, not letting this stay as just another fantasy. This is something so important and significant to you that your heart is guiding you to make this a reality. Listen to it and make your first move, allow yourself to explore your passions and dream big.   

A near future event: Overcoming some sort of a challenge that is getting in the way of you achieving your goal and celebrating this with the loved ones or treating yourself with a special gift.

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Pile 3

Your current situation: You may feel called to act upon your passions and be confident enough to stay true to your vision despite the opinion of others and possible obstacles that may occur on your path to success. Your vision has expanded and you see that there’s a lot of opportunities, chances and ways of achieving your goals but I also feel like that you may be afraid of competition and may feel that there’s no place for you in this field of your choice since it seems that there’s already a lot of people who’ve done this before or already doing it. I heard “I’m late to this” for some reason? You’re kind of dreaming big right now and it’s making you terrified because you are not that bold to dive straight into it -- which is really a shame, because this is exactly what you need to do right now. Be bold and allow yourself to think of reaching impossible things and make your moves.

What’s creating stress in your life: You’re trying to do everything at once and it’s causing you a really hard time, sweetheart. Instead of trying to achieve every single one goal at a time, be more strategic with your actions and focus on something that is the most important at this period of time and should be achieved first hand. You also may feel quite distant lately and have no desire or energy in communicating with others -- allow yourself to embrace this state and focus on yourself instead. I’m sure that your loved ones will understand that you need to work on what’s important to you and allow you to spend some time in solitude to sort all of this out and slowly get used to new ways of dealing with your personal stuff. 

Something that can bring you comfort at the moment: You may find your comfort in allowing yourself to be a newbie and a student. It’s okay to make mistakes or take all the time that you need in order to understand and thoroughly embrace the hard topic or something that doesn’t work at the first time. You are too hard on yourself and for some reason don't accept what isn’t perfect, getting overwhelmed, frustrated and dropping this thing after that. Get rid of your expectations and enjoy your progress as much as possible because once you’ve done this thing and overcome this obstacle, you’ll be able to know and to do more than you could before you’ve started. You don’t need to rush and you certainly don’t need to get everything the first time. You’ve only started. Be gentle and kind with yourself, affirm that you can do this and that you won’t give up no matter what to yourself every time you feel like giving up. Be more practical and pragmatic with your steps and make your progress slowly but surely and steady. You’ll definitely see the difference. 

Something inspiring or motivating to focus on right now: You’re going through a period of awakening right now so this is why you may feel overwhelmed but still kind of confident in making a life-changing decision. It’s time for you to let go of your old self and fully embrace your new ways of thinking and dealing with stuff in your life. Something in you is calling you and making you feel like you’re on the verge of something significant and important to happen - you’re completely and totally right about that. You’re ready to put everything behind and walk into a new stage in your life - don’t feel scared and discouraged that you can’t find strength in yourself to do that. You actually do. Everything that you need in order to be the main character and hero of your story is already in you, it’s time for you to use this and push through despite your Ego’s calling to stay in your comfort zone and give up the moment you feel uncomfortable. It will always resist your urge to listen to your Higher Self guiding you - don’t listen to it and tell yourself that you’ll do it no matter what. It’s your birthright to create and live according to the life that you want and the Universe is more than happy to provide you with resources and opportunities that you need in order to do that.

A way to resolve the stress or issue that is causing you stress: I’m getting two messages for you regarding this question. First is that, as I said before, you may feel quite isolated and alone, wondering why no one is helping you and feel like nobody cares about what you’re going through. You’re too focused on your problems and hardships to notice that actually you have a lot of people who you can ask for help. You may act tough all you want but if you’re really struggling, don’t be so prideful and ask for help -- you can always repay after you’ll feel like you can do this. It’s okay to have a hard time and rely on others at these times, your loved ones will be happy to help you and assist you if you need it. The second message is about your “lack” mindset. For you right now it’s really important to pay attention to how you’re thinking and speaking of yourself, your potential and your life in general. Your ability to manifest is quite high, even if you don’t believe in this, so try to get out of this old and stagnant energy. The way you’re feeling right now is connected to your thoughts: you don’t have to lie to yourself and spend all the money that you have in order to feel “abundant” and get into this state. Instead, try to see clearly the good in your life and focus on that. The more happy and joyful you feel, the more opportunities to feel this way you’ll attract in the future. Also, try to work with affirmations and gratitude lists every day if it’s possible. It’ll help you to raise your vibration and get access to the frequency of your desires.

Someone or something that can offer you support: I would suggest you talk with people who’s also newbies in your chosen field of passion or, for some reason, I’m hearing that you may want to look into or  join Law Of Attraction or Law Of Assumption community in order to spend more time in this high frequency energy, get and give support to others as well. The more you spend your time and surround yourself with like-minded people, the faster you’ll get in alignment with your desires and attract them into your life. 

Something to be hopeful about and look forward to: Right now you’re encouraged to go with the flow instead of resisting this urge to move forward with your plans and goals because otherwise you’ll lose this opportunity to make quick and fast progress and have a major breakthrough in your circumstances. There’s no distractions and there’s no one who can stop you with the energy that you’re about to receive as downloads -- ideas and projects that will make you feel excited and ecstatic to try out. It’ll feel like the Universe itself making space for the change and giving you necessary opportunities so you could accept them and use them to your own benefit. Don’t let the fear get in the way and simply trust your situation and inner guidance here. You know what to do but for some reason are too scared to act. It’s time to change that.

A near future event: Following your heart and living your passion -- you’re moving into the world of pure potential and possibility that is available to you at the moment you’ll decide to trust and believe in yourself. If you’ve been looking for the sign that you’re thinking about the right thing and this path is for you - you’re right and the Spirit is saying ‘YES”. You have the opportunity to grow on the personal level and change your situation - don’t let it go to a waste and act because I’m seeing that you’ve decided to actually move forward with this and start small, looking if this working for you and you’re feeling good while doing it, making readjustments and starting again if something feels off and not right. 

,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ Pile 4

Your current situation: You may look at the Pile 3, if you want, because I’m getting a similar message. You’re trying to do everything at once, not smartly using your own energy and time, and it makes you feel quite overwhelmed by how much you want to achieve and have so little energy and time to do so. You’re wasting your energy, trying to achieve every single goal that you have in mind, instead of prioritizing things that are the most important at this moment and focusing your resources on them. You’re exhausted and it’s affecting your relationships as well -- you have no sources to communicate with anyone lately and feel isolated with all the problems that you’re trying to solve. It seems that at this moment everything around you is falling apart and you have no control over your own life because of the rapid and quite painful changes that may have occurred in your life.

What’s creating stress in your life: You have a hard time believing that everything will be alright because it seems that this unpleasant period of time and obstacles are never ending. But it’s important to believe that this too shall pass -- you won’t feel that way forever and you won’t have only bad experiences and events for your whole life. The Universe and the world around us is always moving somewhere, bringing to us different kinds of situations and opportunities to learn and grow from the challenges. You’re ending some sort of the cycle right now and feel extremely powerless and exhausted but you’re still moving and still choosing to keep going despite that. Deep down you know that soon it’ll end and the opportunity to breathe more freely and enjoy your life will come to you soon. Keep holding on that hope and the Universe will answer your prayers. 

Something that can bring you comfort at the moment: It’s important for you to get on the receptive side of the hand right now -- allow yourself to receive love from your loved ones. They’ll show you big support and love, you can simply ask them to hug you or to say something nice to you - open your heart to this and don’t feel ashamed of asking it right now. You know you need this and you also know that it’ll give you confidence and courage to not give up and move forward. Show yourself love as well and rest and pamper yourself at times when you’re feeling like it - you deserve this just as much as you usually give to others. I’m also getting a message to spend some time on the things that you love and care about - some creative hobbies or things that simply make you feel good and at peace.

Something inspiring or motivating to focus on right now: You may have experienced a lot of arguments lately and felt like you had to compete with others on the way to success - this energy is changing for you and Spirit is asking you to choose your battles more wisely and do not get involved in ones that seem too hard or tense to you. You need to spend your energy more carefully and decide for yourself if your opinions and desires are really important. If so, people won’t affect them anyway, so why do you feel the need to tell them your truth or like you need to step aside and let others take what’s yours. You deserve peace and success just as much as them so don’t feel afraid to act according to your own morals and point of view. Your own truth is also very much important. Also I’m getting a message that if you feel like you were wrong in the argument with someone and it’s bothering you a lot, it’s a sign for you to apologize and bring more balance into this connection by doing so. Sometimes winning at all costs is not worth losing someone else.

A way to resolve the stress or issue that is causing you stress: For some reason this “competition” vibe is very strong for you, guys. You may feel threatened by the opposition of others towards your truth, goals and position but you’ll resolve this issue only by staying on firm ground and having enough confidence and self-love to believe in yourself and protect your boundaries and opinions without fear. It’s very important for you to not give up and let others take advantage or initiative from you -- you have a high chance of winning this battle and getting what you want if you’d stay persistent enough. Continue to push through and be ready to defend yourself, you got this.

Someone or something that can offer you support: As to someone, I’m getting an Air Sign (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) that can offer you fresh perspective and insights on your situation. As for something, I’m getting meditation and some time alone will be beneficial for you and will give you a lot of ideas and inspiration in order to move forward. You can also spend some time with mental activities such as writing, speaking, and playing chess (?) for some reason. Whatever activity that will make you brainstorm and use your communication skills and mental power and seems more preferable to you. 

Something to be hopeful about and look forward to: Your situation will soon balance itself out and stabilise, allowing you to simply breathe and let the flow of the Universe take you where you need to be next. The feeling that everything is not working will pass and you’ll feel more steady and calm, avoiding any extremes and attacks on your personal peace. If you’ll get trouble in managing your emotions, you can ask your angels and Spirit Guides to help you and carry away heavy feelings. You’ll take your time to do well and ensure that you’re doing the best you can instead of rushing things - you have a very clear and precise view of your next goal and will do anything to make it right, because everything is coming together for you and you’ll feel it too. 

A near future event: You’re stepping into your power self and moving with your ideas, feeling like everything you need (resources) at your fingertips and you can manifest and achieve anything you want. You really can. Be specific about what you want, remove all distractions and take inspired actions - your ability to conquer any challenges and give yourself what you need is heightened right now.  

[ichorai]

the devil's queen ; k.yr

pairing ; forest queen!yeri x devil!reader (gender-neutral)

summary ; in which the queen of the forest seeks out the devil’s help after accidentally turning her husband to stone.

themes ; fantasy, slight fluff and angst, royalty au, devil au, magic au, forest au (?), forbidden love au

words ; 4.2k

warnings / includes ; devils obv, mentions of divorce and a loveless marriage, uhm yeri turns her husband into stone, one mention of angels, teasing banter, an absurd amount of description because yeri is gorgeous and i can't help myself, both yeri and reader are little shits, kissy kiss kiss at the end </3

a/n ; my first gg fic :D i'm rlly excited for this one !! i'm literally in love with yeri so i'm so happy to finally post this ! thank you to @doievoir for beta reading <3 also thanks to @subways-stuff and @koocycle for being gay with me :(

masterlist. | milestone celebration.

The stone of the balcony’s railing beneath the forest queen’s fingertips was just slightly cold to the touch, mellowed by the night’s sweet breeze. Her face, dappled by the moon’s gentlest luminescence, bore a somber expression, only managing to mask the panic she truly felt by a thread of her being. Pale was her dress, and paler her skin became as she grew clammy with unease. The sheer, opal chiffon of her skirts grazed the balcony floor with faint kisses in accordance to Yeri’s ceaseless fidgeting. And because of her restless movements, the intricate leaf crown propped atop her temple was now slightly askew, placed awkwardly amongst her perfectly-curled tendrils.

From where you were standing, watching the queen, worry etched into her soft features, you almost felt a shred of pity. The keyword being almost. Devils rarely ever felt remorse.

You took this opportunity to look around the queen’s chambers. After all, it wasn’t every day that you’re summoned by a woman of such importance, much less the queen of the forest herself. Gorgeous vines twisted up marble columns, white flowers scattered across the greenery. Every which way you looked, there were at least five potted plants ranging from minuscule succulents to large ferns longer than your own arm span. Even the bed had a canopy of iridescent petals and glossy leaves.

“You must really enjoy nature,” you quipped, taking slight amusement in the way Yeri jumped at the sound of your voice, spinning around with a hand on her chest. “Looks to be bordering on obsession, actually…”

The queen, having come down from her initial shock, looked upon you with a quizzical eyebrow. “I called you to help me, not to make comments on my lifestyle.” She waved her fingers in the air, conjuring a thick vine that wrapped around her waist as if it were a snake. “Besides, I’m the queen of the forest. It would be more bewildering to find my chamber void of natural elements.”

A toothy grin so wide it made you look sinister graced your lips, and you bowed your head slightly. Yeri, much to her dismay, couldn’t tell if the action was genuine or mocking.

“I like that you feel the need to defend yourself against the devil. Makes me feel somewhat of importance,” you uttered the words with a simple-minded hum, eyes glowing with mirth. “Which brings me to ask… why have you called me here?”

The silence was suffocating as she strode up towards you, an almost defiant look glazing over her irises. She was so close that you could detect a hint of her sweet scent; an intoxicating concoction of apricots and grass and the slight tang of the air just before it rained. A tad too refreshing for your taste, but it suited her well.

On the other hand, Yeri found that you were as warm as a walking fireplace, and smelled as if you had doused yourself in cinnamon and musky cologne. Though it wasn’t necessarily an awful aroma, it was most definitely strong and caught her off guard. Who knew the devil would radiate the odor of a popular dessert spice?

Yeri’s steps slowed down once she was just in front of you, near enough that her soft skirts brushed against your dress pants. You noted the way her breathing seemed to hitch, teeth slightly tugging at the plushness of her bottom lip in hesitancy. What was she waiting for?

And with a deep exhale, she reached somewhere behind you with the speed of lightning, as if she wanted to get this over and done with. Her fingers curled tightly around a fistful of white cloth cloaking a large mass, tugging on it with a mild grunt. You spun on your heel with an arched eyebrow, watching with suppressed curiosity.

As you beheld the sight, expression unfaltering, Yeri buried her face in her hands, practically vibrating in stagnant shame. You wondered if she was crying, but found that her face was dry when she pulled herself away from her palms. Either she was trying too hard to feel the comforting weight of sadness, or she was lying to herself about caring.

It was most likely the latter. The thought brought a smile to your face.

A chiseled statue stood in front of the both of you. Opal in color and sculpted with perfect body proportions, your smile melded into an intrigued frown.

“I know,” Yeri whispered without turning back to look at you. “I’m a monster.”

“Don’t call yourself a monster in front of the devil, it’s unbecoming,” you snorted in contempt. Then, you gestured limply towards the statue. “I don’t even know what this is. Did you call me here to show off an artsy escapade of yours? I’ve got far more important things to do, you know.” ‘Important things’ really meant watching two crows fight over a moldy baguette down in the village streets. You might’ve been the devil, but that didn’t necessarily mean you were busy all the time.

Disdain colored her words as she hissed out, “I turned my husband to stone,” rouge laced her cheekbones as she quickly added on, almost an afterthought, “by accident.”

Oh? You clasped your hands together behind you, rocking back and forth on your heels. Now you were starting to see the resemblance, recalling the forest queen’s marriage to a man whose only facial expression seemed to be stoically indifferent. “My, my,” you crooned glibly, “what an interesting turn of events. Are you sure it was an accident?”

The forest queen clearly didn’t take your teasing lightly.

“I didn’t even know I could,” she said in an icy tone, glancing down at her hands, one still fisted in the coversheet. After a moment’s pause, she spoke up again, turning towards you. “But I need him back.”

A guffaw slipped past you as you wrinkled your nose in distaste. “That’s no fun at all. You want me to bring him back? Your moronic oaf of a husband? I’m sure you could find a new one with the snap of a finger. Besides, it’s better to keep him this way. He seems far more intelligent as stone.”

Having said your fill and satisfied with the fuming look Yeri wore, you spun on your heel, about to head out of the castle and run your other devil errands.

A bright flower of consternation unfurled within her ribcage, and the forest queen found herself hurrying forward, curling her fingers around the wrist of the subject of her torment. Almost immediately, she let go, partly from shock at her own actions, but mostly from the fact that your skin was borderline scalding. You are the devil, after all. Yeri should have been more careful.

“Do you forget who I am?” she hissed nonetheless, glowering at your unturned back, her tone swimming in a pool of severity.

At her question, you whirled around to look upon her in bemusement.

“I’m the queen of the forest!”

You nodded just slightly. “So you’ve mentioned.”

Mouth agape and nose twitching slightly in an attempt to contain her umbrage, she whispered out, almost bristling in hostility, “Does that mean nothing to you?”

“Finally catching on, I see.” You flashed her wink, crossing your arms over your chest and leaning forward. “Let me make one thing clear. You may be a queen, but you are not my queen. I haven’t forgotten who you are to the mortals, but I feel you’ve forgotten who I am.”

A genuinely wounded look found its way sprawled across her soft features. She struggled to find her voice for a minute, before turning her head away to gaze upon the moon in shame.

“What can I do to convince you?”

Though the words were quiet, you could still detect the stubborn tenacity interwoven through the question.

Instead of answering her inquiry, you retaliated with one of your own.

“Did you love him?”

Her face snapped back to you, frozen in incredulity. “What?” she asked, furrowing her perfect brows.

“Did you love him?” you repeated, this time rolling your eyes to the leafy canvas obscuring the ceiling. “You need not lie to me. I’ll know.”

With a shred of hesitancy clinging onto her, she uttered lowly, “No. It was a diplomatic marriage… he’s the crown prince of the ice mountains. And I need him back before anybody notices. You understand why I have to have him back, don’t you? This could cause a war.”

“A little foolish of you to ask a devil to prevent a war, don’t you think? We live for chaos,” you susurrated into her ear, circling her like a predator would their prey. Yeri flushed at your words. “Pray tell, why didn’t you ask an angel? Why come to me?”

She drew herself to her full height, almost as if sizing you up. You grinned at that. What an interesting character she was. “I was ashamed of myself. I didn’t want an angel to know of my mistake. Angels judge, and devils are used to despicable acts far worse than what I did. Of course I had to go with the latter.”

It was silent for a moment, the leaves rustling with the cold breeze. “Smart girl,” you hummed, impressed. Yeri cleared her throat, evidently flustered.

With a flick of your hand, the statue’s marble hue slowly faded away, color returning to the forest queen’s husband. A gasp left her throat, and she scurried across the room, almost tripping over the wisps of her skirt in the process. The prince of the ice mountains fell to the floor just as his feet loosened up, and he looked as if he had woken up from a horrid sleep, a dumbfounded expression masking his usually stoic features.

He looks stupid, you thought to yourself as Yeri knelt down beside him. Why would she choose him of all people?

“Have fun being married to somebody you don’t love,” you called out to the couple.

Yeri glanced upwards, a ‘thank you’ just on the tip of her tongue. But when she looked towards where you had been standing, there was nobody there. The wind whistled in your absence, and everything suddenly felt cold.

The forest was quiet as Yeri stormed through. The leaves stopped whispering, the birds halted their chirps, and the rivers grew muted. She was livid, so much so that small wildflowers the color of winter unconsciously sprouted in her furious trail. There were tear tracks forming rivulets down the apples of her cheeks, but they were long dried. She was too angry to cry now.

You danced your fingers along the bark of the branch you were sitting on, swinging your legs in bemusement as you watched the Queen bask in her fury.

Your landing from tree to ground made naught a sound, but Yeri seemed to sense that you were already there, for her shoulders squared and her chin lifted. Perhaps she wanted to look as if she had at least some semblance of her life put together in front of you. You weren’t quite sure why she bothered; you already knew she was in shambles.

Today she wore a plain sage button dress, the fabric flaring softly at her hips and arms. The skirt reached just below her knees; a considerate choice seeing as she was trudging through mud and foliage of all sorts. A white cloth was tied about her temple, keeping gorgeous locks of dark ebony from falling into her tempestuous eyes. She was a stunningly beautiful woman, and seeing her angry conjured a queer elation within you. What’s gotten her so riled up this time?

With outstretched arms, you beamed at her scowl. “Regretting asking me to free your husband from his stony confines? I did warn you against it, did I not?”

She folded her arms over her chest. “Forgive me for choosing not to trust the devil.”

“You’re a hypocrite,” you said in a sing-song tone. “You chose to trust me the moment you asked me to fix your poor husband. What is it you want from me now? Did you call me to turn him back to stone this time?”

An affronted look colored her already-miffed features a twisted hue. She seemed to relax just slightly when she realized that you were just jesting, as you always were.

“He wants me to move out of the forest. Permanently.” She angled her face away from you so you couldn’t see the turmoil raging within her. It was fruitless, because you saw right through her words. “Says the icy mountains are far better than this infernal place.”

The unexpected sensation of your warm hands on Yeri’s shoulders conjured what felt like an inferno raging within her ribcage. The devil was touching her. Why wasn’t she mad about it?

“Divorce him,” you said, almost nonchalantly. “You don’t love him. Why stay married?”

“I told you,” she shot back in exasperation, trying her damned hardest not to look down at your hands encasing her shoulders, just a thin layer of green fabric separating bare skin to skin contact, “for diplomatic-!”

“Oh, screw diplomacy. You don’t even want to go outside of the forest. What’s the point of staying married to him?” Your words were sharp, a dagger of truth cleaving right through her skull. It was a good point you made, and it made the queen furious to know that you’ve got her beat.

Yeri was starting to think that your ability to constantly put a damper on her mood was a mastered talent. Have you had a lot of experience belittling people? She presumed the answer was yes; the devil didn’t belong only to her, this was undeniably so. Sin was an attractive flavor to mankind. Was it greedy to want the raw form of wrongdoing all to herself?

Plunged into a cavern of her own agitation, she didn’t even notice you releasing her to pace circles around the forest queen. “He doesn’t love you either, just so you know,” you whispered from behind, causing her to startle with a wince, “especially not after that rocky stunt you pulled, hm?”

Something akin to amusement danced in Yeri’s gaze as she turned her head to peer at you. It flickered away just as quickly as it came. “You’re mean,” she said dryly.

“I know, it’s kind of my job.” You rocked back and forth on your heels, leaning against the trunk of a large tree. “So why did you call me back?”

Yeri dithered for just a moment. “I don’t have anybody else to talk to.” With such a shameful statement, you were pleasantly surprised to see how she managed to say it in such a leveled tone.

“And so you came to the devil for mild chit chat?”

She bowed her head. “I did, yes. Do you have an issue with that?”

You shook your head with a slight smile. It was a truthful response; you quite enjoyed studying Yeri’s mannerisms and turmoils.

A stoic expression crossed her elegant visage as she nodded at you, and then proceeded to turn away, striding out of the forest with naught another word more, tendrils of hair fluttering airily with each step.

News of the forest queen’s divorce to the prince of the ice mountains spread quicker than a royal archer’s arrow. Some said she did so in a spectacle of dramatic tears and ring-throwing. Others gossipped that she slipped away into the woods with only a mere note to inform the prince of what was going on. And the most popular story going around was Yeri proclaiming the divorce void of any emotion, ignoring the prince when he dropped to his knees and begged her to stay.

Knowing both parties of the couple, you were sure that all three spin-offs were far from the truth.

Your suspicions were confirmed when Yeri called you back again, this time with a hint of a grin tracing her lips, a startling contrast to the previous two times she’s called you over. The duality of this woman, you thought with a shake of your head.

“What is it this time?” you asked with an annoyed facade, though it was clearly only skin-deep, for the curiosity swimming in your irises betrayed your true stand.

The queen in front of you was wearing a dress of black silk, flowing and cinching in all the right places. A white and canary flower hanging loosely from her ear, a vast juxtaposition from the darkness of her ensemble. She was the true epitome of allure.

“Black to look like you’re mourning to the simple-minded common folk,” you observed, “but the daffodil symbolizes a new, hopeful beginning. You’re not at all upset about your divorce.”

The corners of her carmine lips curled upwards. “Smart devil,” she replied, referencing back to when you had called her just the same. Devils weren’t ones to be flustered, but you supposed that was the closest thing to how you were feeling at the moment. Masking was a true talent of yours, however, because Yeri seemed not to notice at all. “I called you because I’m lonely.”

“It’s one thing after another with you, huh?” Your words lacked any bite, and you found yourself chuckling while threading your fingers through your hair. “Looking for an affair the same day you get divorced isn’t usually customary for humans. I’m not complaining, though,” you mumbled with a roguish grin, stepping closer to her and gently running the tips of your fingers against her forearms. You pointedly ignored the way the saccharine apple aroma she practically dripped of made you dizzy.

She drew a mock gasp at what you were insinuating, placing her frigid palms on your shoulders to push you back in a playful manner.

“So is it me you want or would you like me to brainwash someone to come and take pity on you?”

Dark irises rolled the leafy ceiling of her bedroom. “What if I asked you to stay?” Despite you barking out a laugh, she continued on. “I don’t need somebody else.”

Eyes flashing something dangerous, you drew yourself up to full height. “Don’t jest.”

“I’m not jesting.”

You knew she wasn’t, but you took a step backwards anyways. Much to your astonishment, she boldly rivaled that with her own foot propelling her forwards. Closer, ever so close.

“Why do you want to fraternize with the devil?”

“Why do you keep coming back whenever I call you?” she shot back quickly, leaning forward just as your spine brushed against a poster of her canopy bed. “I’m not giving you anything in return.”

The words had you reeling for some sort of witty comeback, but for the first time in your eons of life, a human had you dumbfounded. Why were you coming back?

“I…” you gaped at her earnest countenance. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know,” she echoed your words, almost smug.

Quiet unease filled the silence between you, and you narrowed your lids into slits. With but a gentle whistle of wind, the devil dissolved into a mass of shadows and glowing clementine-hued embers, leaving the queen alone in her chambers once more.

When the seasons change, it wasn’t a shift that happened overnight, but a feat that came with the patience of moons. Earth took its time in conversion, as did everything else. Time was a universal language everybody understood; unchangeable, solidary in its flow, ruthless and unforgiving.

Devils were no exception.

It took you time to come back to Yeri. You weren’t very sure how long. The stars shifted and the sun dipped past the horizon countless times while you waited for an answer to a question you never had the courage to ask. Quite pathetic of the devil, wasn’t it?

When the forest queen called for you a fourth time, you were tempted to decline.

But you found yourself teleporting without a second thought, materializing in a haze of dull light by the corner of her cavernous chambers.

Yeri watched from across the room. The beige turtleneck she wore clung to her like a second skin, a sheer corset cinched about her waist, embroidered flowers dancing across the fabric. A grey skirt fluttered with the wind that blew through the doorway to the balcony, singing a song of the forest. Golden jewelry dangled from her neck and ears, glinting sweetly in the fading sunlight. Her curled tresses had little wildflowers woven between the strands, rolling over her shoulders in waves. She was beautiful, and she wasn’t yours.

It took her no time to stride forward, bare feet padding silently across the smooth floors towards you. You didn’t move, standing your ground and eyeing her with indifference.

The grazes of her fingers against your blistering hot cheeks shouldn’t have taken you aback. Your pride was wounded the last time you saw her, and all a devil really had was their pride. Should you be mad at this woman for diminishing you down to a mess of discombobulated emotions and lost purpose? A twisted part of you was proud of her for doing so. Besting a devil at their own game wasn’t quite the everyday act.

Yeri hummed a pleased little sound when you grabbed at her wrist. Not to yank her away, no, but to pull her ever so close, breathing in her earthy scent. The walls of fire you once held up to closely guard your devilish heart, now doused by a simple pale of water. The forest queen did that. And you, quite frankly, were so very afraid of what she’d do with it now that it was hers.

“Took you a while to come back,” she whispered. You looked oh so bewitching in this light, a glimpse of heaven doused with the fits of hell, and Yeri found it hard to concentrate. Especially not with your searing fingers wrapped firmly around her forearm.

“Certainly didn’t take you a while to call,” you snorted, raising a brow at the queen. “You’re a desperate little thing, aren’t you?”

Even the flame-lit candles were envious of her radiance when she smiled, for they flickered and warbled at her mischievous beam. “I’m not ashamed to admit so. You look awful, by the way.”

“That’s a lie,” you teased, so close now that your nose brushed against her cheekbone. If an outsider were to walk in now, they would’ve thought the two of you were two lovers intimately dancing to a ghost’s silent song.

“You’re right. I lied. Thought you might enjoy that since you’re the devil, and all.” The queen looked at you with hooded eyes.

A breathy chuckle slipped past your lips. “I enjoyed that very much, yes.”

“I’m going to do something,” she uttered lowly, vague hesitation weaving through her words, “and you’re going to have to promise not to freak out.”

An off-hand sound of acknowledgement rumbled in your throat as the tip of your mouth quirked upwards. “My queen, I’m the devil. Of course I’m going to freak out. I live for chaos.”

Just as you took your time to come back to her, it took Yeri time to unfurl the folds of her heart, baring herself raw and unshielded. She trusted you with her life, and it was probably the most foolish decision she could ever think to make.

Her lips brushed against your jaw first, tentative and testing. Then the kisses trailed to your cheekbones, over to the lids of your fluttered-shut eyes, down to the bridge of your nose. When she melded her lips over yours, you knew you were done for. It was almost natural, how your arms snaked around her midriff, clutching at the threads of her corset with a yearning you’ve never felt before. The hands that cradled your jaw slid in different directions; one went to clutch at your arm in a fruitless attempt to ground herself, and the other gently scratched at the back of your neck, earning a pleased noise from you.

This was so wrong, and that was why it felt so good. If she was the fruit, you were the parasite. If she was the wine, you were the poison. If she was love, you were hatred.

When she pulled away from you with a dazzling smile reserved just for you, you swore the stars shattered and the moon collapsed and the sky broke into two. For this trembling certainly can’t be coming from you! Devils don’t tremble, for crying out loud!

“You called me your queen,” she observed, amused at your playful narrowing of eyes.

“A devil never lies, my queen,” you jested. The laugh she was about to bark out at your witty jab was stolen away from her as you kissed her once more. “I wouldn’t dare bow to somebody with a soul, yet it seems you’ve given me yours. Just what am I to do with you?”

Your words were paused to press a lasting kiss onto her cheek, right below her wide eyes, nervously awaiting your response. Studying her with mirth dancing in your irises, you crooned in acceptance, fondly nudging your nose against her supple cheek. She was yours, and you were hers. A white rose blooming amidst a tumultuous storm.

“And my, my, what a powerful pair we make, my queen.”

[theambitiouswoman]

So we all know I’ve been cutting people off and aligning as I’ve spoken about a several times on here. Well I’m so out of my previous circle of influence and literally unfollowed and disconnected from those people. Now the only people I’m exposed to make so much more money than me that I feel like a loser lol it also makes me realize that a lot of the previous people are doing it wrong and way not in my league. I love growth. The process is shitty and heartbreaking but once you get to the other side those things seem so small and irrelevant.

Your comfort zone is holding you back truly. Your journey is yours alone to walk. Stop trying to fit into a group of people you feel comfortable with unless you want to stay stagnant.