#so gdi im gonna try

[kirishwima]

im home. im supposed to be Resting. instead i woke up from 6am and have not slept a wink since

[todayisafridaynight]

if i think bout ichi going to jiro kasuga's grave and arakawa accompanying him Maybe At Least Once i just might explode

[killerpancakeburger]

I wanted Satan but I'm not even mad cos this one is the prettiest Beel card in my opinion 💕

[capinejghafa]

Despite my efforts to calm Lila down, I seemed to make things worse for awhile (tbh it might be my mental health failing me). So, I backed off a little bit, and I'm still checking on her incision periodically. It's fine. She's more or less back to normal. She still hides, but it's always somewhere I can keep an eye on her.

Bright news is she stopped scaring Ollie and Nellie!

[lilisette]

spoilers for chapter 7 i need to rant im about to burst-

goddamnit i shouldve known the girl that rafayel mentioned in Nightly Stroll is mc!!!

but this makes me wonder. are all love interests connected to mc's childhood/past somehow? like okay. zayne (and caleb) is mc's childhood friend. now it is said that rafayel met mc before but mc forgot. in before xavier met mc when she was young too but forgot as well. just watch lmao, xavier is one day gonna come up to mc and be like, hey! i met you before the disaster but you forgot because experimentation!

also rafayel being a merman... honestly not so surprising since there are hints everywhere.. but the childhood friend part? holy i did NOT see that coming. i thought he was just sharing an experience, NOT TRYING TO JOG HER MEMORY. oh my god now this changes so much like.

imagine. rafayel seeing her one day by pure chance and going up to her, wondering if she remembers him, only to be disappointed. because how could he be happy when the love of his life forgot him and their promise???? oh my god. maybe they met BEFORE the disaster, which could explain why she doesnt remember. and also explains why rafayel cannot find her again!!

FUCK "ive waited for you for 800 years" exaggeration but not a lie. he did wait for her for so, so long. god can you imagine the fear and pain he has when mc is suddenly gone without a trace when hes in the hospital?? its like deja vu, shes gone again, away from his grasp. explains why hes so mad when shes back.

ALSO. him dropping hints everywhere to their connection, hoping she would remember but she doesnt!!! hes trying to jog her memory!! i cannot imagine the pain hes going through holy...

holy fuck i need more. gdi game why you only let me earn xp through dailies???? i wouldve grinded the crap out of this game to progress 😭

[socksandbuttons]

SOCKS IM SORRY I NEED TO CRY IN YOUR ASK BOX—

S-s-s-s-s-Solar’s DEAD!!!! His last few words/sentences were so heartfelt and sad I cried TnT

“I’m so proud of you, both of you” “I think this is it” “I really don’t want to go”

Lunar’s gonna be so sad… Solar was the first and only version of his brother that he actually liked and now he’s gooooonnne :(

And Moon was so sad too, he was just- he- he cried I felt so bad for him!!

sorry for the long ramble I need somewhere to sob my eyes out

ITS OKAY I KNOW *PAT PAT* I

his last words... he truly died knowing he had family here... jeezzz... Lunar and Earth are gonna be devastated. Im bothing looking forward but also i... it just solidfies the mans death. Moons emotional reaction... buddy was not having the loss of solar. Sun too... bruh Sun trying to find out- just... ruin gdi man i was rooting for uuuu ROOTIN

[szayelapowo]

fuck i know what i am now i finally figured it out

originally i thought i was a hellhound that tried to escape hell and was punished by being born into this sick diseased human body, but that never felt quite right. or at least not the first part. the second part is sort of right though.

what i actually am is a rogue church grim. i was a normal dog at first. i had an owner but he betrayed me by burying me alive in a newly built graveyard. then after i became a ghost i found out what happened and that i would be forced to protect the humans that were buried there after me and i was pissed. i thought my owner cared about me. i thought i could trust humans but i was wrong so i decided i wasnt gonna do what they wanted. why should i be forced to guard humans after what they did to me?

my memories are still pretty hazy and theres a several hundred year gap between when that wouldve happened and when i was born into this existence but i remember being stuck and miserable there for a while. i had another owner at some point though. like an evil thing, not human. i could shapeshift into a red dragon and white cat (and maybe other things?) for some reason too. what i think happened was the evil thing gave me that power and freed me from being bound to the cemetery, but in exchange for that freedom and power i had to agree to eventually be reborn as a severely disabled human (as punishment for the intense hatred i had of them).

idk what will happen after i die again. ig probably ill go to hell. was it worth it? idk but at least i got to meet szay, so yeah ig maybe it was. i just hope i can stay with him after bc hes my owner now and always will be.

but it all makes too much sense.

a) why i havent died yet despite the ridiculous amount of diseases i have. its because im not allowed to die, my punishment hasnt ended yet. i guess it wont end even when my body finally gives out since my hatred and negativity are only getting stronger the more pain and trauma i experience. i was born a month early and almost died at three days old. i should have, the doctors said i would likely have brain damage (i do). only reason i survived was because i hadnt fulfilled the agreement with the evil thing yet.

b) why i hate humans and never trusted them. i know there are good ones out there but how would i know which ones they are when the one i thought was good fucking murdered me? so i just dont allow anyone to get too close because how do i know they wont do it again? i cant trust anyone.

c) why im obsessed with the idea of being someones pet, of having an owner (szay now). because thats how it was before the pain started, when i felt loved. and then again after that, but that was a more negative experience.

d) why i refuse to take orders from anyone except my owner/mate (szay). why i get so pissed off, violent, and suicidal whenever someone tries to tell me i "have to" do anything, especially cops or the government. id literally rather die again than be forced to do what they want just because they say so. they have no right to make me do anything. if they threaten me with imprisonment for refusing then ill just kms out of spite. fuck them all, theyre not my owners. only szay has that kind of authority over me.

e) why ive had nightmares since i was a toddler (maybe before that but i dont remember anything from this life before age 2-3) of humans trying to kill me and turning into a black dog or red dragon to either defend myself or escape.

ive also always had a natural instinct to growl and bite when humans look at me or get too close. even as a toddler, before the abuse and trauma started (or before i perceived it as that and it started affecting me emotionally anyway).

ive always been able to feel my claws, fangs, ears, tail, and fur, (and rarely wings) and my joints always hurt because theyre in the wrong places, (and my buttcrack constantly aches because my tail aint there gdi) but the feelings get more intense when im scared or pissed. i itch and feel invisible bugs on me all the time too, probably fleas? my guts always hurt too either because theyre built wrong or because im not supposed to be able to eat human food (but you can take my chocolate away from me when i die for good lmao)

that last part (the phantom body parts, pain, and bugs) i guess is probably hallucinations from being schizospec, but everything else is real. i know its not a delusion, its just what i was before this existence.

...this post is a mess im sorry. there was more i wanted to say but i forgot. the pain in my intestines and joints is getting bad again. ugh.

[kyetalksshit]

lowkey hate discovering that I get so uncomfortable talking about just how bad things are financially rn because I'm always worried that people are gonna think I'm hinting for money when I'm absolutely not.

there have been times my friends have just simply given me money during those times too which is amazing and made me cry and helped me a lot but like bro i promise I'm not telling you this hoping you'll give me money again

especially when they stop responding like

that IS a thing my mother does (not w money specifically but like she'll hint at things without saying it and get mad if they don't get it) so maybe that's why I'm always paranoid about it but idk

anyway lol

it's just that I told Jen I couldn't pay my phone bill until Friday which is why her messages were getting blocked (because I did not block u promise) and she was like omg I wish I could help but I can't (and gave reasons) , are you ok on food and stuff?? and I was fairly honest, like really no im not lol but I told her I'll need some soon but I've got some grits and pasta so I'll be able to skate by for a few days and I need to call the food stamps office because they approved me for $23 a month like a month and a half ago but I still have no way access it so I don't know what's happening there. and she didn't respond and I just felt like gdi yk

and then today i messaged the podcast group (which includes Jen) that I prob can't stream this week unless im able to skip work on Wednesday if no baths show up, but otherwise I have to ride my bike to work to get there at 7am, and Jen was like why?!!!! and I responded, trying to be honest but kinda breeze past it, and again there's no response from anybody and idk idk

I know that not having money is not a moral failing and all that and I've deconstructed a lot of my shame around it and around asking for and accepting help, but like I still don't know how to talk honestly about it without feeling guilty like im pressuring people to help me when im absolutely not doing that

just ugh

[maladaptivedaydreamsx]

so ......... i may or may not have had like 160 ch tickets saved up and sped read the rest of rio's + all of silvio's (rom) route........ but didn't get to do it during lucky time bc im busy on literally of the the lucky time days fml,,,

anyway i was right about SO much regarding rio and silvio and i genuinely love em both SM 😭

i adore silvio's mc + her & rio's cunning sm this route aksjdjf

was gonna finally start sariel's route who's the only one im missing but there's still the silvio route clear thing going on rn so.. im trying to aim for that 4⭐+ gacha ticket ,,,,

still sad i didn't end up getting to do all this during rio's route celebration too djakdkjfjf gdi

[rhodolly]

horror novels rlly are just..... so good

im excited to explore the THEMES..... murder, mental illness (but like. the mental illness played realistic and hopeful bc gdi im gonna PROJECT), hauntings, philosophy on morality...... :)))))

im actually rlly proud of the idea tbh. want to write abt it but i need to plot and nail out the characters first

might do some writing exercises later to try and get back in practice

[mistergoddess]

i love space minecraft i can't wait to start playing it. i can't pass the stupid erchius mining facility mission alone so im just mining and playing normal minecraft for now trying to find a decent weapon. so much mining and i hate it i hate being underground i want to be in SPACE gdi that's why im playing SPACE MINECRAFT as a SPACE COWBOY. i refuse to stoop to asking one of my brothers to log in and help me with the mission after all the bitching ive done about how annoying it is to play with them..... i will pass it myself but it's gonna take forever. god.

[quantumfeat72]

hey what’s up i’m depressed and i want to do art but my wrist is still sensitive and i don’t trust myself to start working on comics at the risk of re-injuring it so if y’all have OCs send me a ref and i’ll do a shitty colored sketch like this one here because that was actually really fun and i want to participate in something joyful

i can’t promise i’ll get to everyone since idk if i’ll get a lot/any requests but i’ll do up to five today unless my wrist starts hurting again.  restrictions: you have to have a reference of some kind, i will be posting the sketches so don’t request if you’re not ok with that, it doesn’t have to be your oc but tell me if it’s not (and make sure the person who designed them is ok with this), au versions of existing characters count as ocs for this but i won’t do a genderbent chara or frisk (undertale) or kris (deltarune), and as always keep it sfw

[zafiro-anyejo]

I’m sorry but if your story idea is based entirely on “I have a cool concept” but you wrap it in so much complexity that people have to watch it thirty times to understand it, maybe you’re just not a good storyteller.

[zelinkslullaby]

Please imagine Link softly singing L-O-V-E (by Nat King Cole) to Zelda while she's snuggled into his chest and his arms are holding her gently and secure against him as they drift to sleep

[recordmcqueen]

I wanna relapse so bad i hate this i hate this i hate this i hate m

[soggypotatoes]

yikes............. i did it. i finally sent that break up email to my former psychiatrist that i’ve been procrastinating sending for over a month. feels both good and not-good. i know i’m making the right decision, even though i keep feeling like i’m not.

i think i can finally talk about my new psychiatrist now, lol... i got really, really good vibes off him, he specialises in adhd and i almost cried when he gave me a whole list of alternative medications to try (my last psych said she didn’t think any of the meds i asked about existed in australia & said the only alternative i could try was dex???? which i didn’t want to go on bc i specifically asked about non-stimulant medications/?????? jesus)

he’s great, but he did really kind of push for me to go back to my last psychiatrist - he sad it’s partially bc the laws around ritalin are so strict he wouldn’t be able to prescribe it to me unless i formally cut ties, but also a lot of it was like.............. he didn’t want me to just be leaving a psych i’ve been seeing for 4+ years over a minor grievance, said that being honest with her about my reservations about what she was saying and trying to talk through my issues without running from them was the best thing for me to try first.

thing is, though... am i running from her? yes. i absolutely did try to ghost her, lol. But. i’ve been wanting to try seeing someone else for most of those 4+ years, i was just so daunted by the task of finding someone else (+ the feeling that i was just being a whiner/not listening), the fact that i’m finally doing it now is a good thing. he did have a good point about the fact that it’s often a lot of work to start over with someone new and it might not be worth that, but at this point i’m pretty certain it is for me.

i opened up to him a lot easier than i ever opened up to her, and that’s significant. seeing someone for years means nothing when you still don’t trust her enough to be honest about everything lmao.

annnnnyway. now my greatest fear is that she’s going to reply saying i have to see her in person to change over lol, or that i’m going to go back to see him and he’ll say i need to go back. i’m wiggin................. pls don’t turn me away mr doctor man.......................................................... i need meds............................................................