#so hes with sil and sil is just watching him for the first decade like why is he so awkward

[sqlmn]

OC RNG stuff.

-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)

[monkeymindscream]

1, 2, 11 and 28

Well this got long quickly...

1. How long ago did you discover The Dark Crystal, and how?

I wassssss three or four, I think? So over two decades ago by this point (because yo’ girl here is dusty). It was Easter and my aunt gave me THIS:

Before anyone asks: no, I did not dig this old-as-balls VHS out for the sake of this ask. It was already sitting in my room. 

(Also I want everyone to know that I wonder every single day which skeksis that’s supposed to be on the cover. Is that supposed to be skekSil?? Is that Sil?? Why does he Look Like That???)

I had a very complicated relationship with this movie for most of my childhood, actually? Which - on that note - unnecessary tangential story time!

When me and my little sister ( @shuri-flurry ) were little, our parents used to take us to this video place to rent movies, yeah? And the place they’d take us to would frequently have The Dark Crystal playing on the TVs they had mounted towards the ceiling of the store. “Previewing the merchandise,” or something.

(Upon reflection, though, there was seemingly no reason for them to have had Dark Crystal playing. This would have been in the mid to late 90s, and therefore well after the movie had been released and needing to be advertised. So I’m not sure what the Video Vision employees thought they were doing there).

My little sister and I - despite having already seen the movie at this point and therefore knowing exactly what we were looking at - were royally freaked out. To the degree that for months afterwards we would be coming up with battle strategies in the car whenever we were taken to rent movies. Essentially, put your head down as soon as you walk through the door so you couldn’t see the TVs, and KEEP it down until you’d discerned whether or not Dark Crystal was playing and how much risk you were in of seeing a skeksis (as long as you couldn’t see them move you were safe).

Now, reading all of the above you’d think I didn’t like the move, right? Wrong! I loved the movie, and would watch in on loop. And my favorite part of it was, in fact, a fucking skeksis (which we’ll get to in a sec here). It’s just that for some ungodly reason, I was utterly terrified of the thing that brought me joy.

Figure that one out.

2. If you watched TDC as a child, who were your favorites then, and who are they now? If not, do you think that your child self would have enjoyed it?

My fave back in the day was our most beloved bastard, dear skekSil. For as much as the skeks freaked me out as a kid, I couldn’t resist falling in love with Sil. Mostly because my villain-lovin’ baby-heart felt incredibly bad for him. Not only was he picked on by the other skeksis (from a toddler’s point of view, at least), but when he talked to Jen and Kira, they were mean and ran away!! Even after he saved them from the Garthim!! RUDE you guys, not cool!!

(I knew that he didn’t have Jen and Kira’s best interests at heart when he was talking about “peace,” but I couldn’t quite comprehend it at that age. If that makes any sense at all.)

He’s still up there in my top 5, although now it’s because as an adult I can appreciate just how cutthroat and devious he is, all while doing it so... uniquely. In all of fiction, there’s only ONE Chamberlain. 

He’ll be very aggrieved to know that he’s sharing the spotlight with several others now, though (all still skeks; don’t know if this counts as irony or just me upholding my brand): 

SkekSo has clawed his way up the ranks, which knowing him either involved stalking his way up to the front of the line of potential faves and expecting everyone to just. Move out of the way for him (which, credit, they did), or it involved actual clawing. The emperor that AoR showed us would absolutely rip a bitch’s face off to bolster himself, and damn him, I adore him for it.

I’ve always had a soft-spot for scientists and abused underlings, and when you combine the two you get skekTek. Obviously he’s a fave. Honestly, his character is kind of more what my child-self had initially interpreted Sil to be, but with the addition of snapping under the abuse and violently committing murder (so he continues to check all my boxes!)

Is there a single person in this fandom who DOESN’T have skekGra somewhere on their list of favorite characters? Anyone? Because he’s certainly on mine.

Last but not least (none of these are in any kind of order, honestly), we’ve got skekLi, and Wig it is ENTIRELY your fault for this. I didn’t even need to meet him in canon - I didn’t even need to read the book he’s in (y’know, literally his only canon appearance???) because you swooped the fuck in and made him the most lovable creature in existence. The impudence.

11. Three favorite romantic ships?

Wig, why would you ask me a question you already know the answer to? You’re the reason I ship anything in this fandom, I was a blank slate before you. Have I not gushed enough? Have I left room for doubt in your mind?

Listing these in chronological order of when I got dragged in if anyone’s interested in knowing, here we go:

a. Li/Gra

When we first started talking, Wig sent me a variety of arts, right? Because she’s sweet like that. Among them was this, which I babbled in the tags on (jokingly, this was only supposed to be a JOKE!), and, in response, she sends me this. Then, while I’m floundering, she drops THIS on me. And then followed that up with about, ohhhh, three, four months? Of developing, pure, heart-wrenching ANGST. 

And that’s how I got tricked into shipping Li/Gra.

b. Sil/Ung

This used to be a pairing I didn’t understand the hype for. Like... Yeah, okay, they had the rivalry thing going in the movie for all of five seconds, but apart from that I couldn’t comprehend any interesting ways their characters could bounce off each other. There was no chemistry as far as I could see.

Enter Wig, sliding into my DMs one day, sending me cute art. Then, after softening me up with this initial strike, she casually goes, “have you heard about this scrapped early plot idea in the novel where Zok initiates another trial by stone after Ung won the first one, and uses the reflection in his sword to break the rock leading to Ung being exiled too?” 

And then, when I was weak, finished me off with "AU WHERE THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENS AND THEY HAVE TO BEGRUDGINGLY WORK TOGETHER TO GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE."

One dramatic reimaging of the movie, several instances of character development, and the dramatic culmination of all discussed -later, and I’m sobbing my entire shipping heart out.

And that’s how I got tricked into shipping Sil/Ung.

c. So/Li 

This one I’ll accept partial responsibility for, since I was technically the one to go “hey wait-” over it, but I would have never stumbled on the realization if I’d never talked to Wig, so I’m still holding her accountable.

This all started when Wig reblogged this, and then we got talking about how this angle might affect Li’s relationship with So. Things escalate and then suddenly it hits me: A demanding, violent tyrant, and the ONE(1) asshole who is both not afraid to and routinely gets away with aggressively taking the piss outta him?? That is FANTASTIC. I’m only human for God’s sake how is one person supposed to be able to resist that kind of dynamic-??

And that’s how I- ah shit. I didn’t technically get tricked into this one, I played myself. My pattern is all thrown off.

28. If skekEkt wanted to design something especially for you, what would you ask him to make (formal wear, armor, an accessory etc.)?

Hooooo boy, okay, here’s the thing: I never know how to respond to people wanting to like... GIVE me things. Or DO things for me. And I don’t imagine I’d feel any less awkward when the person wanting to do things for me is a friggin’ skeksis, who aren’t known for their generosity. It’d make me feel like an exception and I don’t know if I could cope with that.

More to the point, I’m literally a cartoon character. Y’wanna know what my daily outfits usually consist of? I take t-shirts, sweatshirts, and sweatpants (or jeans if I’m going out) that are two or three sizes too big, and then I layer. I call it “I’ve rolled out of a dumpster please leave me to my business” -chic. 

None of which meshes with Ekt’s brand of style at all. Nor does Ekt strike me as the type who’d tolerate his creative vision to being restricted in any form, if you catch my drift.

So not only am I awkward and uncomfortable with people doing things for me, but he’d be doing something for me where I wouldn’t know what to do with the finished product.

Just kill me it’d be so much easier.

[xanadontit]

Banal family drama and a horrible confession below if you’re into that sort of thing.

E’s dad, a known jackass, really jackassed it up this weekend.

E wasn’t feeling great on Saturday and slept a ton. Not sure what was up, but he slept really hard for hours and I let him because why not? No fever or weird symptoms, just totally wiped out. I went on a 4-mile walk and got some fresh air so he had Molly and a quiet apartment, and he woke up during my outing and had a missed call and voice mail from his dad. The message was sort of normal for his dad and of the, “Why don’t you ever answer your phone/call me back” variety. 

He called his dad back and was treated to a scolding/lecture about answering the phone and what if this was an emergency (it absolutely was not, not even a little, not even “I have hot goss, call me back!”) and that he’s just as bad as his cousin, L, who is a sweet person but has a complicated relationship with her dad and isn’t always the most pro-active in reaching out. Without getting into decades of family history, the tl;dr is that his dad meant to hurt E by comparing him to L*. I told E if his dad thinks he’s a jerk for not being available 24/7 and taking a whopping 3 hours to return a call then he should lean into that and not answer his calls or call him at all. They speak at least once a week, usually taking turns calling each other but yes, his dad probably calls E more often than E calls his dad but those calls are often to berate him or complain or lecture. 

E shared that in between telling him what a bad person he is, FIL made his thoughts about the protests known. I will let you imagine what those are. Hint: he watches Fox News.

Anyway, I kinda hate that guy. Is it bad to say that about an 80 year-old man who is related to the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with? I can’t say that to E, but I think I’ll be hard-pressed to shed a tear when both his parents die and that makes me feel terrible. I don’t wish them any harm but I realize any time I’m concerned about their health or well-being it’s because I see how it affects E, not because I want them to be OK and live for many more years. I suspect they feel similarly about me: if I went away tomorrow they’d be sad for E, but not miss me necessarily or mourn our relationship. So maybe this is fine. It’s just weird. E has a nice relationship with all my parents and my brother and is genuinely concerned about them. I wish I had that, too, but it didn’t work out that way. 

*Recently FIL called L and berated her for not checking on her dad who fell...in the middle of the night. Why would she call her dad randomly at midnight? She happened to check on him first thing in the morning and was able to help but like Jesus Christ, dude, don’t yell at the woman! She’s doing her best! L then called SIL (they’re fairly close as the two oldest girls with kids the same ages) to complain. It’s just a shitshow.

[adriennescomingbacktolife]

Stepping off the Pedestal

Written with Amp and Zen!!

While he knew, eventually, the listlessness and hollow feeling in him would pass with time, Silvio couldn’t help but feel Kohaku’s absence. He’d see something and want to share it or think of some new joke to laugh about, but when he went to look for his partner, there was no one there. It reminded Silvio of the feeling you got when you thought there was one more step on a staircase than there actually was, or reaching for something but finding it just beyond your grasp. Sitting behind his front desk, he sketched an abstract design made with brilliant shades of vermillion; that special color momiji turned in the Fall. The color of the Kyoto he longed for.    He was glad of Adrienne and Axton coming over. Even though he was certain difficult topics were going to be broached, it was better than being alone right now.    The bell over the door gave a ring as Axton shouldered his way inside; he was dressed down and plain in a t-shirt, jeans and loose flannel top left unbuttoned, the sleeves cuffed to his elbows. He shot Silvio a thin smile as he approached the desk, hands in his pockets. He seemed a lot more subdued than usual.    “Hey… How’s it goin’, Sil? Ms. Levi’s not here yet, I take it?”    Silvio looked up at the sound of the bell chiming and smiled at his visitor.    “Hey, Ax. I’m...hanging in there, I guess. I take it you saw the video segment I did for Chaos?”    “Yeah.”    Axton leaned on the desk, folding his arms underneath him and allowing his shoulders to lift toward his ears. It was hard to maintain the smile, so he stopped bothering.    “I didn’t mean to mess things up when I came up here. I just wanted to be part of it. Guess I got my wish in some monkey’s paw shitty way.”    “It was the confluence of a lot of things,” Silvio assured him. “But...I think it’s for the best right now; for all of us.” He gave a wan smile. “Medicine can be bitter, I guess. But it’s not forever, at least.”    “Like I said. Monkey’s paw shit.”    Sighing, Axton turned himself around, resting his elbows on the desk so he was facing the door. He watched the cars roll by past Silvio’s window displays. Everything about this place radiated his personality; it had been easy to find, when he’d been searching blind for it.    “Sil… I’m not… feeling great about all of this. I’m sure you figured that out. I came up here to play a game, for shits and giggles, you know? And it looks like I accidentally kicked a wasp nest on my way in. Now everybody’s stung and screaming and I’m just standing here like the dude with the pizzas in that one scene from Community… everybody yellin’ at me for kicking the nest I didn’t see.”    “I know,” Silvio said, getting to his feet. “And I’m sorry for everything I did...or didn’t do... that contributed to that.” He hesitated before reaching out and touching the tense line of Axton’s shoulder. “But I think talking with Adrienne will help set the record straight.” There was a little snort and he shook his head. “You all had a helluva match, by the way. Congrats on your first win; that fight wasn’t easy.”    “Thanks.”    Axton glanced over said tense shoulder to look at him, forcing another thin smile. “I tried to play it clean… tried to prove something, I guess. But it doesn’t matter. Some people don’t wanna change their minds about you, or believe you no matter what you say. I just decided to lean into it. Let people think what they wanna think. I tried to get away from that kinda thing in LA but I guess it just followed me here.”    He sighed and shook his head, loosely crossing his arms.    “Anyway, sorry for bitching. Thanks for hosting this thing. I don’t want Ms. Levi to think I’m that kind of person. Most people I don’t care if they wanna make me their bad guy, but she’s different.”    “She admires you,” Silvio said. “And I do, too. I never got to see this side of your passions.” He started around the counter to come to Axton’s side. “It suits you.”    He wasn’t exaggerating about that, either. Axton took to all of this naturally. Some people were just like that, though. The light inside of them just couldn’t help but spill over no matter what they did. Silvio knew Axton was catching heat now, but he also knew time would change things. You couldn’t ignore the way Ax shone, and people would take him lightly at their own peril.    Axton’s shoulders softened a bit, looking at Silvio sidelong. The tattoo artist had always had a way of talking to him that just made him want to fall apart in the best way. Tell him anything. Do anything to hear him say those sweet things… that much hadn’t changed.    “It’s fun. Really, it’s fun. I love this sport, I have since high school. I guess I just don’t… I don’t take it as seriously as some people. But I don’t take anything that seriously, y’know?”    Grinning, Silvio gave him a little nudge with his elbow. “Oh, I know, Mr. Cool Patrol,” he teased. “And I don’t think that’s a bad thing, necessarily. I just get the feeling not everyone will get the joke sometimes. Still, I really mean it. You look good out there. It won’t take long for people to respond to it. But that’s the way you are; you make things fall into your orbit without even trying.”    The bell over the front door sounded once more. To anyone that knew her, it was just Ade. But with her knock off Jackie O sunglasses, her grey and purple Baltimore Ravens hoodie drawn over her head, black leggings, and sneakers - she looked far from anonymous. Adrienne remembered when Axton had asked for the address of Sil’s shop. She didn’t know and after a cursory glance, she wished she had visited earlier. Tucking her phone back into the oversized pocket of her sweater, she looked forward and saw that like aways, she was late. Alas, the perks of public transportations. Axton and Silvio were already there conversing amongst themselves.    “Hi,” she said quietly. “Sorry for interrupting.”    Mouth still open about to reply to Silvio, Axton’s attention shifted forward, and he immediately felt his gut twist uncomfortably. He wasn’t looking forward to this--it was too open, too personal, too raw. He’d never been good at this sort of thing… but he knew a good person when he met them, and the last thing he wanted to do was give Adrienne the impression he didn’t deserve all the time and energy she’d already given him. Even if it was… parasocial time and energy.    “Hey.” Once again he attempted a smile, shoving both hands into his pockets to shrink his presence in the room. “You’re not, don’t worry about it. I was prob’ly about to say something dumb anyhow.”    Silvio smiled at Adrienne, gesturing her in. “I’m glad you could make it. Did you want a soda or anything? I’m kind of a sugar fiend, but you’re welcome to any snacks I got, too.”    “Water’s fine.” she said with a curt smile. Adrienne stepped into the room. The shades came off and she did her best to conceal that she hadn’t slept well in the last few days. With no one to talk to lately in that apartment, she’d unintentionally invited over less savory elements. She turned to Axton, doing her best to keep her fandom in check, “So I know this is weird considering this actually is not the first time we’ve met - but I’m Adrienne.”    It took Axton a second to shut off the part of his mind that was busy dwelling on what he already knew--that she was a fan, her name, that they’d squared off in the ring before, even. That exchanges had been made that had upset them both. This was supposed to be about clearing the air… making a fresh start. Swallowing the tight feeling in his throat, he extended a hand, tattoo peeking out from under a leather strap bracelet, his palms still a bit rough from the ring ropes.    “Axton,” he said, clearing his throat. “Just ‘Ax’ is fine, everybody calls me that... You gave Sebastian and I a hell of a fight.”    Adrienne nodded politely. She had already given her thoughts on her efforts. They were unsatisfactory to her standards. Sometimes it felt as if she was on the outside looking in as The Dragon Lady battled it out with her latest grudges. With that compounded with Kohaku’s decision and other incidents, her reaction could be considered insincere.    “Thanks, Ax.”    There wasn’t much else to say about that. This wasn’t a conversation to talk shop. Or as much as she wanted to, how much Axton’s music meant to her. Those sort of things could be done over Twitter.    “Is there somewhere where we can all sit down?” she asked Silvio with a bit of hesitation.    Silvio nodded as he rounded the corner of his front counter, striding over to a mini fridge in a little alcove behind the work area, and getting out a bottle of water for Adrienne. “We can do this in the waiting area, but I also have my, uh...work table,” he said, nodding toward the part of the studio where he typically filmed his tarot readings.    “I’ll take a root beer if you got any.”    As curious as he was to see the space where Silvio shot his legendarily creepy-accurate promos, the couch in the waiting area looked a lot more comfortable. The young musician made his way over to it, pulling his jacket off over his head and slumping into a seat with a sigh that belonged to a man a couple decades his senior.    Honestly, he was sort of relieved Adrienne didn’t seem to want to talk about the match. He didn’t really want to think about it.    “I’m supposed to be watching my sugar intake but fuck it.”    Adrienne took the bottle of water and thanked Silvio, “Here’s fine.” And she sat down on the end of the couch closest to the door. Taking a deep breath, she concluded that since she wanted this meeting, that she should just come out and say what needed to be said.    “I guess it would be safe to say that none of us have had a good time recently. I’m sorry if I made you two mad.”    “Mad?” Silvio echoed in surprise, offering a root beer to Axton. “Adrienne, I’m not mad; I never was. But I get how all of this has been...confusing. Frustrating, probably.” He glanced between Axton and Adrienne before sinking into a seat across from her. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you had some questions.”    “Yeah…” Axton was rubbing his face with one hand, palm pressing into his eye as he scratched at his hairline. He lowered it to open the root beer with a pop and hiss. “Not mad about anything. I was pretty offended when you sort of implied I would, you know, ever hit one of my partners with a serious... intent, I guess. I figured that even peripherally you knew me better than that, or would have a bit more faith in me.” He sighed, looking down at his knees. “But after what you said on Twits about your history in the ring, I get it. You’ve been through some stuff and that kind of experience sort of overshadows everything, especially since you aren’t exactly used to my bullshit the way Sil is.”    Adrienne listened to them both, squeezing the water bottle reflexively. She didn’t want to get into rehashing the event. She had it done enough and she figured that they had, too. Looking forward at nothing in particular, she spoke just audibly enough for them to hear. “I didn’t want all of that to matter anymore. Wanted to be above it all but I just can’t seem to shake it.”    She knew how that could possibly sound naive. She knew little what these two had been through. Silvio seemed to possess some skills that implied that he’d had it tough, too. And Axton’s art seemed so raw and personal that Adrienne thought that she knew him. Struggling with her own troubles, all she could see were mirrors into her past everywhere she went. Like no one else existed. Sometimes she felt selfish.    “I try my best to smile through all of this. Scared of what happens when I don’t.”    “Adrienne,” Silvio murmured, “you don’t have to be on anybody’s schedule but your own. Nobody gets to dictate how long something impacts them or anyone else. You’re not weak or pathetic if something that wounded you in the past still hurts or isn’t completely healed. And if you don’t feel like smiling, then don’t. You don’t owe the world a more palatable lie because it doesn’t like the taste of the truth.”    With his hands folded over his mouth, the drink set down on the low table, Axton nodded. He looked a lot more serious and sombre than he usually did. Meadowgreen eyes flickered upward to Adrienne and his tone was soft when he spoke.    “Second that… I know it sucks to think about but, that stuff doesn’t just go away, and nobody expects it to. Anyone who does is a dick with no empathy who doesn’t deserve you and who’s never been there.”    He hesitated, drawing a breath; he let it out on a tremulous laugh.    “You don’t have to smile through it. Shit, you can even write three albums about it, and nobody ever has to know all the rage and melancholy and loneliness is coming from a real place. You just have to get it out somehow. You’ll find people who are willing to stick by you even when these things make you hard to be around sometimes.”    The musician shot a sidelong look at Silvio, the corner of his mouth pulling up a bit.    “And maybe you’ll fly across the country to be near those people… or maybe you’ll just move from Clearwater to Baltimore.”    Uncapping the water finally, she took a swig. She smiled back nervously at Axton. “Yeah. There was nothing left for me back there.” It clicked for Adrienne there. Most of if not all of that ugly first impression washed away. She didn’t want to lecture. She didn’t want to implicate anyone. Pausing, she considered her words here. “I can’t speak for anyone else. But, I’d like to start over. I know you aren’t too fond of Baltimore. I kind of miss the beaches myself. But there’s a lot of special people here.”    Silvio smiled at them. “I’d like nothing better. I think we’d all be a lot happier if we give this another try now.” He’d hated how all of this had overshadowed the person Axton was. All they’d seen was him planting Silvio’s face into the mat. They hadn’t understood everything that had come before it or why Axton had chosen to try and resolve things the way he did. “If you’re okay with that, too, Ax.”    “I can’t promise I won’t stop dunking on Baltimore. That’s part of my brand now, basically,” Axton noted, drumming his fingers on the can that had found its way back into his hands. He cocked his head, looking between them. Truth was, they’d both given him a lot, in different ways--different kinds of support and trust at different times when he needed it. He’d never done well alone.    “But you’re right, there’s some special people here… the kind who are willing to give a dumbass punk a second chance. I know I can be a lot sometimes, but… it’d be cool to be part of all this. It’d be cool to get away from LA, just be a dude for a year, you know? Just a guy, throwin’ another guy for the glory, or maybe getting suplexed by a guy, then hanging out with a girl and a guy and maybe some other guys… I’m doing the thing again, huh.”    “It’s okay, I like it.” She replied. This was the sort of personality she had seen in public. She felt better that it was really how he seemed when in better spirits. Her gaze wandered to Silvio’s fantastic shop, all of the splendid displays of art on showcase. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit earlier. I’m still learning the city and it's either buses or Uber for me.”    “Ah, that’s alright!” Silvio said with a smile. “Visiting a tattoo parlor when you’re not going to get a tattoo isn’t the most exciting thing in the world. I’m glad you swung by, though. My apartment’s actually just upstairs.”    And currently houses one gigantic man who escaped from horrific experimentation that left his mind splintered and body broken and yeah he also stepped on your neck at one point and--    “It’s a total mess right now, but maybe you can come up sometime later. I got tea, books, and sweets for days.”    “I bet it looks exactly the same as your place in LA,” Axton teased.    Silvio took a moment to look affronted, batting his eyelashes and placing a hand on his chest. “Excuse me, is that a slight about my interior design sensibilities, Mr. Gunn?”    “Bitch it might be.”    “Slings and arrows! You wound me,” Silvio gasped as he wilted over his chair.    Watching the two banter, Adrienne felt immensely better. Still a little exhausted from that previous endeavor. With people, she didn’t think about that much. About him.    “I’ve got a few other commitments today.” She said. Standing up, she took back out her shades and put them on. “But I wanted to talk to you guys first. I’ll be the first to admit, Ax. I still don’t get why things happened the way they did.” Looking at him directly, she continued, “But it’s okay. I get it enough to understand where you’re coming from. I don’t like being alone either. Maybe while you’re here, we can all make sure it won’t be a thing anymore.”    “That'd be cool,” Ax replied, his shoulders relaxing. He managed a bit of a smile without straining. “Thanks for hearing me out… it's more than I could've asked. Also, forgot to say so earlier--the shades are dope.”

[queseraone]

Home: Chapter Seven

I’ve been super duper sick, so I’m sorry this update was a kind of long time coming! Hopefully it’s worth the wait...

Catch up here. Please let me know what you think!

Looking at you And you are looking at me And we both know what we want Hmm, so close to giving in

—Flying High (Jem)

Erin woke to a bubbly brunette jumping on her bed—though she wasn't sure that it actually counted as waking up when you never really fell asleep to begin with. She had spent the entire night tossing and turning, her mind filled with everything Jay Halstead.

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! I'm getting married today!" Kim squealed, her cheerful voice tearing through Erin's eardrums like a siren.

Erin groaned in response, turning to bury her face deeper in her pillow as she muttered a slew of expletives at the disruption. "But that's not for hours. Right now it's time for sleep."

"Nope!" Kim yanked the blankets away from Erin's body. "They'll be here to do hair and makeup any minute, it's time to get up!"

Erin sighed and slowly sat up, running her fingers through her tangled hair. "You know, you're really lucky I like you Burgess."

"Come on Erin, you love me!" Kim laughed as Erin reluctantly climbed out of bed.

It wasn't long before a group of hairstylists and makeup artists descended on their hotel suite. Over the next few hours, Kim, Nicole, and Erin—along with Kim and Adam's mothers—sipped mimosas as they were pampered from head to toe. The ceremony was scheduled to start at four, and by about three-thirty, they were ready to get the show on the road. Kim looked absolutely stunning in her strapless gown, a long lace veil pinned into her intricately curled hair.

"Adam is going to lose his damn mind when he sees you!" Erin whistled, raising her champagne glass to toast to the bride. Even Nicole had to agree; despite her past reservations about Adam Ruzek, the man was clearly head over heels for her little sister and she knew how happy they made each other.

"You ladies look pretty incredible yourselves!" Kim gushed. Nicole and Erin's bridesmaid dresses were a matching shade of midnight blue, though the styles were slightly different; Nicole's had delicate cap sleeves, while Erin's was strapless with a sweetheart neckline.

"Knock, knock ladies!" The wedding planner, Cindy, burst into the suite, urging the group of ladies to follow her into the elevator. They had a schedule to adhere to, and the ceremony was supposed to start in less than half an hour.

***

The guys had stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, playing poker, drinking a few too many beers, and smoking cigars on the balcony. Unlike the ladies, they were able to sleep in a little bit.

Unfortunately for Jay, he didn't really sleep at all.

Fear was not an emotion Jay Halstead ever really allowed himself to experience. He hadn't been afraid when he was on the battlefield in Afghanistan. He hadn't been afraid to go against his father and pursue a career as a police officer. He had never been afraid of Hank Voight, even though the man had given him every reason to be. Even when the demons from his past resurfaced, he'd been more embarrassed than afraid.

No, Jay Halstead had never really been afraid of anything. And yet here he was, absolutely terrified of Erin Lindsay. Terrified of the things she made him feel. Because Jay was not a single man. He couldn't just fall back into things with her, not when he had someone waiting for him at home.

And that was exactly why he didn't want to talk to Erin. Or look at her. Or think about her. Because he knew that once he started, there would be no stopping it; she would consume his every thought.

Jay knew it was wrong. He knew he should only be thinking about Allie. The woman who had supported him over the years, had been by his side as he battled his demons, had taken care of him as he made his way back to a version of himself that he was actually proud of. Allie was wonderful. She deserved all the happiness in the world. But Jay couldn't give that to her, not anymore.

He considered picking up the phone and calling her. The thought had crossed his mind countless times as he lay awake that night. One call and it would be done.

But of course it wasn't as simple as one phone call. That one call would crush Allie; it would break her heart. She deserved better than that. It was bad enough that he'd kissed Erin, but to just call her up in the middle of the night and end their relationship completely out of the blue? Jay couldn't do that to Allie.

She was coming to the wedding as his date; he would figure the rest out later.

***

During the ceremony, Jay reverted back to his actions from the night before, avoiding eye contact with Erin. If they didn't have to walk out arm-in-arm, he wouldn't even have gone near her. But of course he had noticed her. It would have been impossible not to, especially after their moment in the elevator. He was absolutely mesmerized by her beauty.

Erin Lindsay was easily the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, yet somehow she looked even more stunning in that moment. Jay didn't let himself think about what it meant that watching his ex-girlfriend walk down the aisle toward him had such an effect on him.

So just like at the rehearsal, Jay quickly pulled away from Erin when they got to the back of the hall, brushing her off as she opened her mouth to speak to him. He knew he wasn't being fair. He knew he was confusing her. Kissing her one minute and snubbing her the next was basically the textbook definition of sending someone mixed signals.

But for today, he was still with Allie and he needed to focus on that. It would be hard enough to act normal with his girlfriend after what had transpired the previous evening. If he let himself get any closer to Erin it would be a fucking nightmare.

***

Erin had never been so confused in her life. Sure, she'd gone to bed last night not really knowing where she stood with Jay, but she figured that when she saw him again they would actually talk things out. She certainly didn't expect him to just ignore her like that—again. She couldn't help but feel the hurt rising up through her chest. But then she reminded herself that this was her friends' wedding day, she couldn't let her own fucked up life get in the way of that.

So Erin buried her hurt and confusion and somehow managed to enjoy the reception—it certainly helped that she and Jay were seated at opposite ends of the head table. The food was delicious, though she had already forgotten what she ate by the time her plate was cleared. She listened intently to the toasts from Kim and Adam's parents, then laughed along as Atwater gave a speech about his two best friends. And Erin grinned from ear to ear at the happy glow surrounding Kim and Adam as they shared their first dance and husband and wife.

Everything was going perfectly. Until Erin saw Jay with Allie.

It had been close to a decade since Erin had laid eyes on the woman, but she had never forgotten her face. She remembered the twinge of jealousy she had felt seeing Allie in his arms at the district all those years ago.

But this was so much worse. Seeing them dancing together, their bodies wrapped up together, moving slowly and perfectly in sync to the music and each other; watching Allie rest her head against Jay's chest as he pressed a kiss against her hair. Witnessing the man she loved with what was obviously his girlfriend left Erin feeling sick to her stomach.

***

Jay hated dancing, but Allie loved it and he was feeling guilty, so every single time she looked at him with that questioning sparkle in her eye, he obliged. He pulled her into his arms as their bodies swayed to the music.

After what felt like their hundredth trip out to the dancefloor, Allie whispered something about going to the ladies room in Jay's ear. He nodded with a smile, letting her give him a quick kiss before he headed back to his seat to try to relax for a few minutes.

When he finally allowed his gaze to land on Erin, she wasn't alone.

She was hanging all over a guy that Jay immediately recognized as Ruzek's cousin—Brad or Brian or Brandon or something. Whatever the hell the guy's name was, Jay's mind was too occupied watching his hands all over Erin to remember.

They weren't together. They hadn't technically been together for years. He had a fucking girlfriend. Jay knew he had no claim whatsoever over her, and yet he felt a burning jealousy, a blind rage that he had absolutely no right to feel at the sight of his ex-girlfriend with another man. But Erin wasn't just his ex-girlfriend, she was everything. Again. Still. Always.

All Jay could do was stare at them. Thankfully Allie was still in the ladies room, because he knew he wasn't being subtle. Another wave of guilt washed over him at the thought, but it was quickly overpowered by his feelings of jealousy.

And when he saw whatshisname lean in to kiss Erin, it pushed him over the edge. Jay couldn't see straight, he couldn't think straight. He was completely overwhelmed with jealousy and the uncontrollable urge to clock that guy. He flew out of his seat and stalked across the dancefloor, as though his legs were moving of their own volition.

As Jay approached them, he grabbed whatshisname's arm, pulling him off of Erin.

"What the fuck?" The guy exclaimed, startled by the interruption. When he recognized Jay from Ruzek's bachelor party, his expression softened a little. "Hey, uh, Halstead, right?"

"Yeah." Jay answered bluntly before turning to Erin. "Listen, can we… can we talk?"

Erin's eyes were glassy as she looked at Jay. "Now isn't really a good time."

"Please? I need to talk to you." His eyes were red and his jaw was clenched; anger was written all over his face. Desperate to avoid drawing attention and making a scene, Erin reluctantly agreed. She grabbed Jay's arm and pulled him along behind her out of the ballroom.

Once they were safely tucked away in the hallway, away from prying eyes, Erin's raspy voice broke the silence. "You wanted to talk, so talk." She huffed, crossing her arms across her chest, clearly annoyed.

Jay ran his hand through his hair as he paced back and forth in front of her. "What uh… why were you—? What the fuck was that?"

"Excuse me?"

"What the hell were you doing with that guy?"

"My life doesn't concern you. You've made that crystal clear."

Jay stopped dead in his tracks, turning to stare intently at Erin, his brows furrowed as his anger had quickly turned to confusion. "What?"

"Mind your own damn business, that's what. You have a fucking girlfriend, how dare you come out here and act all self-righteous with me! Fuck you Jay!"

Jay couldn't think, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but push Erin up against the wall and kiss her with such abandon it felt like he might die.

When Jay pulled back a moment later to gauge her reaction, he found her eyes dark with desire, answering his unspoken question and spurring him on. He sealed his lips over hers, his tongue demanding entrance to her mouth as she parted her lips for him, the kiss growing even deeper. As their mouths danced together, Erin whimpered almost desperately against his lips and Jay felt himself losing all control. His hands roamed all over her body before bunching the silky fabric of her dress in his fists, sliding it higher and higher up her legs, desperate to feel more of her. Erin managed to steady her hands enough to yank his shirt from his pants, her left hand grazing his abs as her right made quick work of loosening his belt.

As Erin’s hands dipped into his pants, grasping him through his boxers, the sound of his name spilled from her lips. That was his undoing; all rational thought flew out the window, and Jay was completely overcome by desire. He grabbed Erin’s wrists with his left hand, pinning them over her head, while his other hand reached between them to pull at her underwear. Erin gasped as his fingers teased her, and before either of them could even think about what they were doing, Jay moved his hands to lift her up and pull her closer before pushing into her in one fluid motion.

[steamishot]

Habits

I’ve been making some lifestyle changes lately. Most, if not all my life, I’ve done things in a rush. I tend to value speed (maybe because I find the task more challenging and more fun if I race against time lol) when I complete tasks, and I realize I’ve been quite unaware that I do this. Little everyday things, like getting ready in the morning, taking a shower, peeing, washing my hair, combing my hair, applying lotion, blow drying my hair- I realize I rush through it and just hope I show up presentable. I wasn’t that aware until Matt pointed it out a few times, and I realize it when I’m on a trip with a few other girls and how quickly I’m able to get ready and how little effort I put in. I’ve been taking small but promising changes towards self-care. I’m slowing down during the shower and enjoying my time there more instead of viewing it as task that I just wanna get over with (kinda like how I view washing dishes or doing laundry). In a sense, I’m learning to embrace my feminine side and be okay with the time and effort I spend on myself. I only get one face and body in this lifetime after all.

I’m also translating this onto my hobbies/work out goals. In the past, I’ve focused on results, and wanted results quick. I would work extra hard in the beginning and then burn myself out and then stop altogether. I’ve been listening to a podcast called GeniusBrain. The hosts are Asian American youtube entertainers, and I think they provide a lot of good life advice and insight, while presenting it in a way that is authentic and funny. In one episode, as they talked about fitness, they mentioned that it is very common for people who are new to working out to want to see results quickly. And they described the same thing I went through multiple times. Their advice for someone who was completely sedentary and wanted to become more active was – JUST START WALKING EVERYDAY. Easy enough goal right? I only realized that more important to having big goals was the ability to be disciplined and form habits. My work out endeavors in the past didn’t really work for me, in hindsight, because the routine was too complex for me to absorb. I would follow youtube videos with weight training and cardio, but without the videos, I was at a loss. Maybe around Fall 2019, I started doing a mile run after work. I remember taking like 13 minutes to run a mile, but being so out of breath and lightheaded after I completed it.

In December, I made a goal to do 10k steps at least 5x/week. This is easy to accomplish during a workday, but I don’t track it as much during the weekend. I’ve consistently been taking my two breaks each work day to walk, and my body has significant improvements. Most days (excluding the days when I’m super exhausted from lack of sleep and/or traveling) I run 2+ miles on a treadmill at home. If I have a hours of free time over the weekend, I’ll do 5 miles. This is mindless, as I don’t have to think too much about following a youtube video, but instead I get to run while watching a show, which makes exercising much more bearable and fun. Now when I get home and don’t work out, my body feels weird and craves a workout. I’m happy to have formed a habit!!! I didn’t even run this much when I “trained” for a half marathon a few years ago. I eventually want to incorporate this ten minute muscle toning work out into my routine, but I’ll wait until my running habit has really developed. But my lesson is, doing less consistently is actually more in the long run.

This is the same with drawing. It helps when I am drawing things for other people, as it holds me accountable. At the same time, it is much more fulfilling to draw for a purpose – to bring joy to others. I know that I try harder when I’m drawing for other people than for myself. It’s only been a few weeks so far, but I’ve been drawing more consistently than I ever have since like high school. I think as an adult, hobbies can easily be seen as a waste of time if you’re not it for some monetary or health value, at least IMO. But I think illustration is a valuable skill in the design world, and it’s something I can add to my portfolio. In any case, I think doing something/building on any skill is better than not doing anything at all.

Notable events-

My bro and wife just bought a pretty expensive house in Gardena. They will probably move into it the end of the month. It is by far the nicest/biggest house in our family and they were able to do it with their parents’ help (mostly her parents). There was a joke that Trevor Noah did, about what college degree is the most useful- and the answer is rich/successful parents. I am happy for them. At the same time, I feel like there was no struggle on their part, but kinda leeching off parents. Her parents are still fairly young, so I don’t mind too much, but I get sad seeing that my parents are getting old, and they sacrifice so much just for their child to have a less stressful life. I am happy to know that my parents give what they can “for the next generation”, but they also have firm boundaries.

My grandma has 7 kids, and some send her money every month. Lately, my grandma has been giving me more money than before. She always wants to pay when we eat out, and gives me money every time I go on trips. I used to be uncomfortable accepting it, and always declined it. But now, I understand that it makes her happy that I accept her support. So now I just take it and say thank you. In my perspective, I think she thinks her time left is limited, so she’d rather “invest” in me because it’s more worthwhile.

Also, my SIL told my mom she’s pregnant.

I am leaving to NYC tomorrow! The more I go, the less ideas I have of what to do when planning out our itinerary, but I am just excited to be able to cuddle and give each other tight hugs and be there physically with each other. We had one of our worst fights over the weekend, and it spanned like 4 days, just because our free time doesn’t overlap enough to finish arguing lol. It is funny but it also is a really sucky feeling, because we both end up going to sleep upset and can’t talk about it until after work the next day. I am trying to make light of it now, but I felt pretty depressed going through it. Deep breathing helped. 

I want to document this so I can remember in the future - what happened was during/after night shifts, he just never “bounced back”. I stayed getting not as much attention (which may be the normal amount of communication in some LDRs, but it was a drastic change for me, perhaps because he used to spoil me before). We barely texted, barely got to talk in depth, and he was learning to be more efficient with his time and have more self-care (sleeping early, unwinding more, drinking less coffee) that he came off cold and distant to me. I accepted it as the norm during night shift, but was expecting that he return to “normal” afterwards. Anyway, because I was already in an insecure state of mind due to the perceived difference in behavior, I took it really personally when I was trying to plan out moving in together and he couldn’t give me an estimated timeline. I started feeling like he had some reservations about me that was preventing us from moving forward. His explanation was that - he doesn’t know what program he will be going to (will find out if he gets in on Match day), and doesn’t want to plan ahead because he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. I didn’t understand this, because to me I was just talking hypothetically. However, I didn’t really consider how emotionally heavy Match day could be to him. He did work very hard for a decade to get where he is at, and his future is still not guaranteed. So, even though I feel like my life is “on hold”, I can be patient and wait another month to find out. 

Got a pap smear done yesterday. 

Work updates: there was a period of time when things were quite slow for me. I noted in a blog post about how guilty I was feeling, and how odd I felt around my supervisor. I tended to hide in my room and not interact with my supervisor. Thankfully, work is picking up as we are preparing for the incoming and terminating housestaff. I’ve been making a bigger effort to build relationships with people, and interact more with my supervisor.

Edit: these days feel pretty sucky to me. I think I’ve been extra lonely because my best hometown girlfriend has a boyfriend now, and we barely hang out anymore. Although in the grand scheme of things, I am very fortunate. I told my coworkers I was going to NYC this weekend, and one of them responded, “you’re so lucky!”. These days have been more challenging, with more questions of “is it worth it to put up with this relationship” as I’m feeling pretty neglected and unhappy. But I know it’s the combination of things - feeling stagnant with my life, not as challenged at work (although work is sometimes quite enjoyable), not having my close friend around a lot, etc. 

Sometimes I look at how my bro and his wife just lounge and relax and go out on dates. And I think about how that different that is from my life with Matt. Everything between us is fast paced, we are always on the go, and tired. Today, I received notice that I got a speeding ticket in NOLA. I also received a fine from the car rental company. Driving there was stressful and tiring already. I was also a bit salty that I drove the entire trip, and no one offered to help out. This is my first ever speeding ticket and I’d hate to have to pay it fully. This news made me feel shittier. I tried to think of positive things, like that I randomly received a tax refund from 2016, and the check would cover my tickets almost exactly. And another positive thing was that I forgot my iPad on the plane and was able to get it back. Lastly, if these are the things I am sad about, then I have it pretty good. 

Second edit: I realize I feel better when I talk to friends/acquaintances/work friends about things. It helps put my situation into perspective. I was feeling like a victim regarding my parking ticket, but $140 isn’t bad compared to the $300-500 speeding tickets in LA. My work mom just laughed at me saying, you? speeding ticket? HAHAHA congratulations. It reminds me that I do take my life too seriously sometimes. My friends on the trip are also “donating” to this cause, so it also takes the load off and I appreciate it a lot. 

[deztinywarriors]

ES Spectre Interlock Chapter 01-10

[bitchwhoreofastorm]

[comission for @namiira ; thank you so much!!!]  Comfortable (almsivi + nerevar) 

"I think," said Almalexia, "We ought to start wearing shirts." 

Vivec, though pressed tight against her and shaking like a leaf, shook hir head. Autumn had set upon Deshaan in full force. The wind no longer blew warm from the swamps of the south, but blustered frigid and relentless from the north. Even Mournhold, usually mild, had turned icy and inhospitable towards its hapless residents, and just about everyone-- from peasant to politician-- was thoroughly distracted by it. 

"I hate shirts." Vivec complained, teeth chattering, while Almalexia ushered hir into her chambers. "I'd rather wear live crocodiles."

Within the Hortator's room a fire roared in the hearth, and the curtains had been drawn so that the room remained dim and warm. Vivec and Almalexia nearly tripped over one another as they rushed to the fireside, and remained clutching each other even as they attempted to dethaw themselves, standing so close to the fire that, were they not chimer, they would have burned. 

For several seconds they simply clung to each other, their shivers gradually subsiding. The cold, bitter as it was, proved itself helpless against the heady warmth of the room, and soon the two relaxed into each others arms, remaining close though the chill had left them entirely.

"Shirts are just tombs that you wear." Vivec mumbled into her shoulder after some time.

"I know you hate shirts, Vehki." Almalexia sighed, "But it is very cold out there. We need to wear something."  

"We can wear Seht's robes." Ze replied. Ze leaned against her, face hidden in the crook of her neck, half-asleep from the warmth. 

"What would Seht wear, then?" 

"Blankets? Who cares." 

Almalexia laughed softly, kissed her friend on the temple, and tugged hir towards the bed. "Blankets is a good idea. Come, if you fall asleep here I won't catch you." 

Nerevar was a true Velothi and preferred modest lodgings; Almalexia, however, preferred decadence, and so their bed was all darter-down, with silken sheets and blankets stuffed full of soft Skyrim goosefeather. It was delightfully soft, so soft that the blankets threatened to envelop her when she fell back atop them-- then Vivec fell atop her and she was enveloped anyway. For a moment her whole world was soft skin, entangled legs, an ear poking her eye, but she rolled them to the side and ze wriggled downwards, hiding hir face in her chest and wrapping both arms loose around her waist. Almalexia pressed a kiss to the top of hir head and, careful not to disturb hir, reached over to pull the blanket across them, tucking the edge of it beneath Vivec before finally allowing herself to relax. 

Outside the wind rattled the window, but the room was cozy, warm from the fire and the drawn curtains. A servant had sprinkled perfume through the air, so that the atmosphere itself was heavy and sweet, like cinnamon or vanilla. Vivec had fallen asleep immediately and ze snored quietly now, hir breath tickling the base of Almalexia's throat, hot, reassuring. Save for the thin sunlight which trickled in through the curtain's edge, the only source of light was a candle that burned low in a corner. Their world was close and snug... 

The door opened, sending a cold gust through the room. Vivec hissed and withdrew beneath the blankets, nuzzling hir face into Almalexia's skin with a shiver, but then the door shut again. Though her back was to the door, Almalexia heard heavy footsteps cross over to the bed, and then with a loud sigh, a large body landed on the mattress next to her. 

"Some weather, huh?" asked Nerevar. 

"Dreadful." Almalexia agreed without turning to face him. 

There came a soft rustle of clothing being removed, then a heavy clank of pauldrons striking the ground. "I'm going to have to start wearing shirts at this rate." Nerevar complained, lying down behind her. He pressed against her, fitting his chest to her back, and looped an arm around her front. "And you know how I hate sh..." 

"Hm?" 

"... Hello, Vivec." 

"Nerevar." Vivec responded, peeking up out of the covers. 

"Sleeping well?" asked Nerevar.

"If you ever touch my boob again I will slaughter you like an animal." 

"Forgive me, I didn't see you sleeping with my wife there." 

"Quiet, both of you." Almalexia interrupted them. "You're disturbing my rest."

Nerevar huffed, but readjusted himself, extending his arm so that he could embrace both tribunes. "Surely a woman so beautiful needs no more beauty-sleep?" 

"Nerevar, I'm going to vomit on you." 

"Thank you, Vivec." 

Vivec let out a small hrmph of hir own, wrapping hir arms tight around Almalexia defensively, but then the three of them fell into a rather comfortable silence. Almalexia leaned her head back, tucking it beneath Nerevar's chin as her arms remained encircling Vivec, and Nerevar hummed with quiet contentedness, reminding his wife for a brief moment of a domesticated durzog desiring nothing more than to be with its masters. 

Gradually they relaxed. Almalexia listened as first Nerevar's breath slowed and grew peaceful, and then as Vivec's soft snoring returned, hir breath still warm on her skin, hir hands fidgeting in the hollow of her lower back, pawing absently at Nerevar's tunic. Nerevar was all muscle, his chest large and solid behind against her back; Vivec was smaller, softer, fitting into her at every curve; the contrast was pleasant and their presence at her either side made her feel wholly safe. The room was quiet and still but for the breathing of her two companions, and Almalexia counted them against each other, until the rhythm began to lull even her to sleep, so soothing it was, and so warm they were, their bodies pressed together...

A gentle rap on the door roused her from the edge of slumber. A moment later the door creaked open, and someone called out gently, "Ayem?" 

"Seht," Almalexia called back, voice soft, "Shh. They're sleeping." 

"Wh-- oh." 

Silent but for a soft rustle of robes, Sotha Sil appeared before her, standing at the edge of the bed. "I don't mean to disturb." he whispered, "I was merely looking for you." 

"I'm here.” she whispered. “And everything is fine." 

"Ah." Though it was dark, his eyes caught the candle-light, and Almalexia could see him looking over the strange arrangement with apprehension.

"I... I'll leave you be, then." Sotha Sil began uncomfortably. 

"Seht." At her breast Vivec stirred slightly, raising hir head. 

"Vivec?" 

"Join us." 

"But--" 

"Join, or I'll start to pity you, and it'll foul my sleep." 

"... Right." Sotha Sil fidgeted, hovering awkwardly by the bed. Almalexia watched with amusement as he placed a hand on the covers, then retracted it-- Suddenly Nerevar leaned over her, seized the wizard by his arm, and tugged him down. Vivec yelped in protest, alarmed at suddenly being covered by the hortator's body, and Almalexia grunted her own muffled complaint, unable to articulate words with her husband pushing her down into the mattress. But then he pulled back again, propping himself up on one arm, leaving Sotha Sil draped awkwardly across the other two tribunes, and the three of them hastened to rearrange each other, struggling with the tangle of blankets and limbs that had resulted. 

"There." said Nerevar, evidently proud of himself, "My Tribunal, assembled at last." 

"You could have simply asked." Sotha Sil complained, settling himself delicately on the other side of Vivec. Vivec grunted in agreement-- ze'd latched back on to Almalexia, but hir face was buried in the pillow now. Almalexia herself had to wriggle back to fit herself against Nerevar again, and she pulled Vivec close before reaching over hir back and resting one hand on Sotha Sil's arm. After a moment of hesitation, Sotha Sil moved up to Vivec's back, keeping both arms tucked modestly in front of his chest, and Nerevar, content with his work, lied back down, extending his arm over the three of them, securing the arrangement together. 

The wind still rattled the window, now accompanied by the soft patter of a chill rain. The world outside would be cold and dreary, Mournhold's citizens fleeing for cover, its beautiful gardens wilting in the unusual chill. Imagining it, it was hard not to pity them.

But within this room-- this bed-- they were warm, and protected, and the sound of the rain seemed far away compared to four sets of soft breaths. Nerevar's bicep was a little heavy, resting on them like that; Vivec's fingers twitched as ze dreamed, and Sotha Sil's restless hands were for once still, tucked between his chin and Vivec's neck. Almalexia closed her eyes and focused on these hands, these limbs, counting breaths until sleep began to take her mind-- and it was difficult to resist that sleep, comfortable as this was, with everything she held dear in the world within her grasp. 

In the vague moment before drifting off entirely, she knew with certainty that what they four felt in that moment was one and the same, and comfortable. 

[thesixthdoctorwho-blog]

SIX REASONS WHY THE SIXTH DOCTOR SHOULD BE YOUR FAVORITE!

    “I would suggest, Peri, that you wait a little before criticizing my new persona. You may well find it isn't quite as disagreeable as you think. HIS OUTFIT: I know, I know, it's a bit loony looking, but that is the point after all. Consider for a moment, The Doctor is an alien. Why would he or should he wear clothes that are dictated by what humans deem, “fashionable”? He is a Time Lord, in fact he clearly states that this is the height of fashion on Gallifrey, so why shouldn't he wear it? We've seen other Doctors wear absurd outfits before, 4, 7, and even 8. I don't see anyone giving Sylvester McCoy any problems over his neurotic usage of the Question Marks that litter his entire outfit, including his umbrella. So why are we giving 6 such a hard time with his colorful and manic clothes? I say that the outfit is perfect for an alien who doesn't give a hoot what others think about him. He wears this outfit with pride, dignity, and self assurance, just like Four did with his insanely long scarf. We should celebrate this bold choice and remember that he is a 900 hundred year old alien (as he clearly states in Revelation of the Daleks), not just a run of the mill human. He should look different and act different. Also, I love his cat pins... I don't know why, but I think their great (though it probably has something to do with the fact that I'm a cat owner). HIS PERSONALITY: If you like William Hartnell's, Christopher Eccleston's or Peter Capaldi's Doctor, then you should LOVE Colin Baker's. His grumpiness, his sassiness, his “I'm a superior race and you will listen to me attitude” is wonderful and very “The Doctor”! Let me again remind you that The Doctor is a very old alien, a very brilliant alien, and he tends to get stuck with companions and in situations that are both... really very stupid. Is it any wonder why so many Doctors have had a “get out of my way, I know best” attitude? Humans and most other species are hamsters in comparison to Time Lords. I love that the old alien has a bit of a contemptuous attitude towards things that he finds ridiculous. I love that he doesn't fall in love with his companions, I love that he has an air of snottiness, I love his arrogance, and his bombastic speeches. It fits into who The Doctor has been since the very beginning! His Doctor is a call back to who he was as The First Doctor (and a bit as the Third), but now he has a strong compassionate side as well! He deeply cares for his companions, and even though he teases them, he does it in a way that isn't mean, but in a playful back and forth, that makes this Doctor/Companion relationship very relatable and rather fun to watch. PERPUGILLIAM BROWN: I'd say that of the Classic Companions that Peri was one of the most fun. She was one of the few that didn't put up with the Doctor's shenanigans and called him out for it when she saw fit. I loved her back and forth with The Doctor, it reminded me of siblings quarreling, which in Who I don't remember seeing very often, except that of 10 and Donna. There was love between these two characters, but not in the romantic way that some of the other companions have had with The Doctor, but with friendship and mutual respect. They were truly it seems best friends, and honestly if I had my pick for a Classic Companion to come back, it'd be her. HIS QUIPS: I find that 6 is one of the wittiest of The Doctors regnerations. I think his dry humor is absolutely amusing and quite frankly makes even some of his worst stories fun to watch. Perhaps I'm just an old softy for dead pan humor, but it is a big reason as to why I love 6. I have put a sampling of 6's quips from different episodes at the bottom of this list, I dare you not to smirk. The last of his quotes is his speech to the Time Lords when he is put on trail for meddling in affairs of other planets. Colin Baker does a excellent job with this line, and I can't think of any other Doctor who could've done it better. HIS VILLAINS: For such a brief time as The Doctor (if you don't include the audio books). 6 had some very interesting baddies. One of the most popular villains Doctor Who created in that era was Sil. This baddie is both entertaining and creepy. The first story that he appears in is “Vengeance on Varos”, and then the second is “Mindwarp”. Another great villain is The Rani, another rogue Time Lord who is in a lot of ways, a mad scientist, and who had a hand in the 6th Doctor's regeneration. The Valeyard, this individual in all the evil of The Doctor personified and created by The Time Lords. He is responsible for putting 6 on Trail and does everything he can to steal The Doctor's seven remaining regenerations. “FIXING” THE CHAMELEON CIRCUIT: I really enjoyed seeing The Doctor attempt to fix this piece of The TARDIS. I honestly find it odd that few others attempted or even seemed to care at all about this incredibly useful piece of technology. Considering how often The TARDIS is broken into or outright stolen, I appreciate his attempt to get his TARDIS to work properly, even though sadly it never does.             A FEW CHOICE QUIPS OF NUMBER 6.                 The Doctor: “A little gratitude wouldn't irretrievably damage my ego.” ….......................................................................................................................................................................         Peri: I only hope it believes you.         The Doctor: “Well if it doesn't, I shall beat it into submission... with my charm.” …..................................................................................................................................................................         Ravensworth: “What precisely do you do in there (The TARDIS)?”         The Doctor: “Argue, mainly.” …..................................................................................................................................................................         The Doctor: “Ah, I see you have been busy.”         Davros: “Whereas you have been stupid, Doctor.”         The Doctor: “Prerogative of a Time Lord.” ….......................................................................................................................................................................         The Doctor (While addressing the Time Lords): “In all my traveling throughout the universe, I have battled against evil, against power-mad conspirators. I should have stayed here. The oldest civilization: decadent, degenerate, and rotten to the core. Power-mad conspirators, Daleks, Sontarans, Cybermen - they're still in the nursery compared to us. Ten million years of absolute power. That's what it takes to be really corrupt.”

[dinosrpg]

Nerevarine: The Reprise - Chapter Seven

Rain lightly fell as Sheev-La and Sevana ventured down the road to Riverwood, making their way to the road along the town's namesake river.  By midday, according to Sheev-La's estimates, they would arrive at the town where they could continue their trek to the barrow.  Plenty of time, Sevana thought, to probe the hero for information, learn more about the mysterious woman.

"So... shall we talk tactics?  Specialties?" the Dunmer started, giving her companion a gentle nudge.  The Argonian had been rather quiet since her outburst in the middle of the night, almost despondent, even.  "I mean, you're obviously an accomplished warrior.  It's almost laughable that I would be the one you would be assis--"

"I'm not that good," Sheev-La cut in, perhaps too harshly by her own judgment.  Sevana bit her tongue, simply hoping she hadn't pressed too hard.  "More swords are always welcome.  As with eyes and ears.  Keeps flanking and placement from getting too out-of-hand.  But yes... I'm good with a bow and swords.  I know some magic as well, but nothing involving the elements or healing.  What about you?"

"I was schooled in Destruction, Conjuration, and Restoration," Sevana started, relaxing a little.  "As you've seen, I keep myself in good physical condition, as well.  That extends to some weapon-based martial arts involving two-handed weaponry.  I prefer to summon such weaponry to give myself an offensive option once I've felt my magicka has depleted."

"That's quite the set of skills," the Argonian offered, forcing a smile despite her low spirits.  "I almost feel outclassed," she chuckled.

"Me?  Outclassing the Nerevarine?" Sevana jested in turn, smiling back at her.  "I think that might be added to my list of qualifications, if you don't mind."

"By all means.  Can't wait to see a prospective employer look at you as though you'd told them you were Tiber Septim."  Sevana laughed.

"I trust you'll be watching through the window, then?" the Dunmer teased, the Argonian laughing in kind.

"Indeed," Sheev-La giggled, glad to have someone to talk to again.  It had been so long since she had spoken earnestly with anyone.

Further down the road, after a comfortable lull in the conversation, the Dunmer began to fidget, something clearly bothering her.  Sheev-La couldn't help but suspect she had questions.  Everyone had questions for the Nerevarine.

"You don't have to hold back, Sevana.  Tell me what's on your mind."

"I don't want to overburden you with questions, Sheev-La.  I can only guess what the nightmare you had last night contained, and I doubt my imagination can even touch on what would terrify a hero."

"It was Red Mountain.  The... last time I went there."

"You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to," Sevana reaffirmed, a hand on the Argonian's shoulder.

"Thank you... but I think two hundred years is too long to hold onto these thoughts alone.  So long as you're prepared for knowing what only a handful of people know."

"It's almost like signing a pact with Hermaeus Mora," Sevana remarked, taking a deep breath.

"It very well may be.  Be cautious with this information, alright?  I'm not sure my heart could take another life lost to my story."

"I will.  Promise," she nodded, the Nerevarine taking a deep breath of their own in relief.

"Now... ask what it is you wish to ask.  Hold nothing back."

"Are you... actually Indoril Nerevar?  I understand you are Nerevar reincarnated, but... what exactly is the nature of your reincarnation?  His reincarnation..."

"I am indeed Nerevar, as they once stood and breathed.  For decades, I lived as Sheev-La, unaware of my memories until I returned to Vvardenfell and learned of my past self.  Nibani Maesa, an Ashlander wise-woman, was the one to awaken my dormant self, to unlock those memories I had hidden from myself.  Or... perhaps that Azura had hidden from me.  In either case, I awoke.  In that moment, and in all moments, I became and remain both Indoril Nerevar and Sheev-La.  In some moments, I affiliate with my past self.  In others, I am very much Sheev-La.  My self-image changes accordingly, and I know that must be strange, but... that is the way of such unusual things, it seems.  To return from the dead is no small feat, and Oblivion only knows how difficult it must have been for Azura to conjure my very soul."

Sevana blinked, feeling weighted by such an answer.  And yet, relieved in a way.  Such a mystery was never truly explored in the short time Sheev-La had remained among the Dunmer, and to have been one to ask such an intimate question, let alone to be met with such an earnest answer, was an accomplishment few could have aspired to achieve.  "Is... your existence a burden on yourself?  I can't imagine how difficult it must be to handle two lives' worth of memories, if not more..."

"Only when I think about it," the Argonian sighed, rolling their head back.  "Sometimes I'm reminded of events long past.  Terrible memories.  But, there are good ones there.  They... surface more rarely than the tragedies, sadly.  In fact... speaking about such philosophical concepts reminds me of Sotha Sil.  In the days of the First Council, we often ruminated on the meaning of fate, of destiny."

Sevana held her tongue for a few moments, giving them a moment to collect themselves.  She couldn't say if such a reminder was one to be cherished or one that brought them pain, but whatever they thought, she felt she couldn't interrupt that moment without their approval.

"Please, continue," the Nerevarine reassured her, managing a smile.

"I just wanted to give you a moment," Sevana comforted them, the Argonian nodding appreciatively.  "So... I suppose the big question is what truly happened at the Battle at Red Mountain?"

"Alandro Sul's account was... not too far from the truth, if you've read it."

"I haven't read it in years, if you don't mind recounting it.  I just don't want to push this too far if you feel you're not ready to relive it aloud."

"Thank you, Sevana, but in all honesty, I should have spoken up about this long ago.  People deserve to know the truth, and it was selfish of me not to publish my own firsthand account while I had the ears of the Dunmer.  But the story was as thus:

"King Dumac and I held the peace together, despite everything that happened.  It was Kagrenac who threatened everything, and Voryn Dagoth was the one to learn of the Heart of Lorkhan's discovery.  While Kagrenac toiled in secret, I confronted Dumac, flanked by my council and retinue.  I feared the worst.  But he denied knowing anything about the damned thing.  History confirms his account, but the pangs of perceived betrayal clawed at my heart after all we had done together, after the love we had shared.  I had the council call upon Azura to confirm Voryn's findings... and with her confirmation, I declared war on my lover.

"It pains me to this day that I didn't hold myself and the council at bay...  To think of all that could have been different...  But alas... we warred.  And in the ultimate battle, I had Vivec, Almalexia, and Sotha Sil direct my forces to draw out Dumac's own while Voryn and I crept into the Heart chamber.  Dumac and I battled fiercely, and I... I slew him... but he wounded me.  Mortally.  Voryn and Kagrenac battled alongside us, but Voryn was the clear victor, acquiring the accursed tools that had been used to make the Dwemer near-unstoppable.  Azura came to us in our hour of need and told us how to use the tools, which Voryn did.  However, in his workings, something... went awry.  Something no one could have anticipated.  The Dwemer disintegrated.  Or... at least their bodies did.  In an instant, the war was over.  I was bleeding, exhausted, and terrified at what we had done when Voryn came to me with the tools, begging for me to give him the order to destroy the things.  In that moment... I panicked.  I told him to wait for me and safeguard the tools... and he obeyed...  By all that is good and just in this world, he obeyed..."  The Argonian sniffed and shuddered as they thought back to that moment, their eye burning with tears begging to be shed.  Sevana gripped their shoulder, looking more than a little worried, but the Nerevarine collected themselves, clearing their throat and rubbing their eye.

"You can stop if you want..." the Dunmer insisted.

"No... no, it's fine," they assured her, groaning and doing their damnedest to power through the pain.  They had done it for so long; this was nothing compared to what they had suffered in the past.

"Voryn stayed... and I went to summon the council.  I'd ignored them for too long when it came to my alliance and intimacy with Dumac, and I was loathe to act without their guidance again, for fear I would make things worse.  I told them what happened, and then we returned to Voryn to consider our... our next course of action.  But he had already succumbed to madness... to lust for power.  Those cursed tools twisted his mind.  I can't remember who brought it to blows, but... we drove him off.  We took the tools back from him.  I was distraught...  I made my councilors swear to Azura not to sully his honor or memory by using the tools.  They swore on Azura... and Azura heard.  And then, when I... when I turned to face the Numidium... I felt something pierce my back and push further until everything went dark.  I was... I was betrayed..."

"You did what you felt was best," Sevana reassured them, turning to place her hands on the Argonian's shoulders and look into that tired, clouded eye.  "It had to be done.  To have your wits about you in that moment is a feat of endurance that songs are written about.  The fact that you were able to do anything so decisively after such a battle is nothing short of legendary.  You... are a hero, Sheev-La.  You stayed true to your station and your people in a moment of vulnerability."

"I didn't feel like it...  I still don't feel like it..." they whimpered, lip quivering.  The Dunmer hugged them.

"We're all still standing here today because of you.  If nothing else... take solace in that."

[nebris]

A Day In The Life

~The fluffy little sheep pranced around the lush green meadow. Simon felt deep Pleasure. He awoke in a good mood. As always. The sleeping cradle's prosthetics detached the bleeder/feeder tubes from their respective nozzles on his lower abdomen. His neural nanonics gave him a mild surge of adrenaline. He was ready for a New Day. He put on his sleeveless coverall and house slippers and went to prepare breakfast for his Mistress. Life here On Assignment was much simpler than back at the Karaal. At the Ninth Karaal of Ma'at – Simon shuddered in Fear/Awe every time he heard, spoke or even thought of of any Goddesses' Name – there were so many Sisters and Servitors it could get very confusing. It was the Karaal's Master Servitor who had guided Simon when he first arrived from the Ministry of Service creche. That memory, sense of Belonging, which he had at the start of every New Day, gave him Pleasure. Simon's intellect was that of a Baseline Human seven year old, so it was largely through repetition and the programming in his neural nanonics that he had the capacity to be of Service. Of course he had never met a Baseline Human. He knew only Sisters, who were born above Baseline, and Servitors, who were mostly born below it. Simon didn't even know if any Baseline Humans still existed and had never really thought about it so far in his short life. This morning's breakfast was three medium poached eggs and four well done pork sausages with two pieces of wholewheat bread, lightly toasted, each with two teaspoons of butter spread evenly upon their surface within forty five seconds of the end of toasting. Simon knew this was a favorite of his Mistress and prepared it with an extra amount of his usual precision. He had already put out food and water for Tristabel, his Mistress' cat, who would come out into the kitchen area when she heard Simon moving about. She would purr and rub his ankles, but have her face in the bowl before he took breakfast to his Mistress' bedroom. Marinel, his Mistress, was stretching and yawning in her bed, her own neural nanonics having awoken her a few moments before. She smiled sleepily at him, her usually wide green eyes still narrow with sleep, the chocolate brown skin of her shaved head softly radiant in the morning light. Simon missed brushing her long luxuriant black hair, but here On Assignment, that hair was Non-Regulation. “Good morning, Simon.” He felt Love/Awe “Good morning, Mistress,” he said in the soft pleasant tone she liked at this hour. He knew that because, as her Body Servant, his neural nanonics were Bonded to hers. He paused as she leaned her face back and a small nozzle emerged from the head board – that was a personal modification of her own – giving her face a quick fine mist. She wiped her face with the small towel Simon placed upon her nightstand every evening before she went to bed. It became a 'napkin' with breakfast. Simon placed the tray before her. “Ah, my favorite,” she said with a grin, then tousled his short blond hair. The feeling of Love/Pleasure went deep into his core. He bowed and withdrew. While his Mistress showered he returned to retrieve the breakfast tray and then laid out her Service Skin Suit upon the bed.  Tristabel promptly draped herself on top of it. She could be conditioned not to, but Marinel found it endearing. Marinal emerged from the shower naked and knelt before the small altar in a corner of her bedroom. It held numerous small statues, many images on the wall above. candles, bowls, incense holders and various Majickal tools. She prayed quietly for a few minutes. Simon stood utterly still, while Tristabel watched from the bed, purring softly. She had been conditioned to stay off the altar and to not disturb Marinal when she knelt there. And then she was suited up and ready to go out the door. Even if he was not programmed to feel so, Simon would have been Awed by his Mistress, towering over him – he was only five feet tall, she was six plus – her black Skin Suit alternatively matte and glossy depending upon how the light hit it, fitting her finely muscled body like..well, skin. Over her right breast were two six pointed silver stars denoting a Lieutenant. Beneath them lines of code. Simon's neural nanonics read them; Savastri-Nemmara, Marinel: Space Force/Corps of Engineers. “I'll be back in about a week,” she said, kissing him on the top of his head, and then was out the door, off to The Project. He had a few seconds of Fear and Loneliness before his neural nanonics gave him a quick surge of endorphins. Refreshed, he stripped her bed and put the bed clothes in the washer. He also Messaged Maintenance to confirm a General Servicing in forty three hours. And then he put on his outside shoes and went for a walk. When his Mistress first brought him out here to Chang-Ngo Sixteen Simon had been very disoriented. Though it had been explained that this was a Gaeome, a small world that was 'inside out', living on land inside of a sphere was rather confusing, especially the river that flowed in a circle all the way around the middle. He had looked at it flowing down toward what appeared to be a wall yet then flowing up that 'wall' and then around and over his head and then back down behind and it gave him such terrible vertigo that his neural nanonics had to work very hard to restore his equilibrium. Six months in a medical coma for the trip here by Loop Ship didn't help. But now, a over a year later, even though he never did quite grasp the concept of gravity, Simon was perfectly at home. Now his favorite thing to do was walk along the bank of that circular river, the Fiumeanello, which meant 'ring river' in some old language he'd never heard of before. He started off on the 'south' bank, which was the 'lower' half of the sphere where the residential area was located. The 'north' bank was full of farm land, being closer to the translucent lens at the end of 'upper' half of the sphere where sunlight came in. Simon tried not to think too hard about all that up/down-north/south stuff or he'd get dizzy again. He walked slowly as usual, taking in the wonderfully odd vista of the Gaeome. The crops to the 'north' were ready to be harvested, their bright hues changing the very light itself. There were Sisters rowing on the Fiumeanello in both single and team sculls, their diaphanous athletic singlets soaked to their bodies with the sweat of going against the current. And 'above', in the empty center, two Sisters on hang gliders dipped and swooped in an aerial dance that could be mating or fighting or a combination of both. They wore broad feathery flippers that alternately pumped furiously to push them forward or held still and straight to guide a dive or turn. Simon took all this in and felt Awe/Pleasure/Belonging on an organic level that his neural nanonics merely reinforced. Soon he came to his first destination, one of the service tunnels that ran under the river connecting 'north/upper' and 'south/lower'. Bridges were not ergonomically practical in this small a Gaeome. The passage was wide and well lit, the floor a soft, firm materiel, the walls and ceiling raw gray metal. Not far from the northern exit Simon could see a flower garden, his next destination. The garden was rectangular, oriented 'north', with rows of flower beds on either side of a central path which led from the gated entrance to a stone monument. About Simon's height, it was made from compressed stone tailings, highly polished, with a holographic embed of a smiling Sister with a big nose and an inscription in a cursive writing that Simon didn't recognize. His neural nanonics could have translated the writing, but his friend Bobby said her name was Ghuljaan. This was simply Mistress Ghuljaan's garden and that was good enough for him. In the thirty one years that Chang-Ngo Sixteen had so far been in operation, seven Sisters had been killed while On Assignment. Space was not at all a forgiving environment. And, like Simon's own Mistress, each of those Sisters had a Body Servant who had accompanied then out here. Two of those surviving Servitors were so distressed by the loss of their Mistresses that they had to be put to sleep. Being this far out their bodies were Rendered and Recycled on site. Nanonics and physio-comps extracted and sent to Fabrication. Tissues and viscera sent to the Meat Vat [were those pork sausages came from]. Bones powered and spread on the 'northside' fields. Four others had fared better and been placed in a medical coma to be shipped back to Mother on the next Loop Ship. And then there was Bobby. He had been with his Mistress for over three decades when she died, nearly all of that time in space, with the last eleven when she was CO of Chang-Ngo Sixteen. She had loved to garden and had started the memorial gardens for the Sisters who died In Service. And Booby was her assistant gardener. When she was killed – a freak head strike by a non-ferrous slag micropartical while on EVA – Bobby requested that he be allowed to stay and tend the gardens. He was too old to be Bonded with another Mistress, but wasn't mentally destroyed by his Mistress' death. And the gardens were good for everyone's morale, Sister and Servitor. His Mistress was a Spacer through and through, so her Will stated that her body also be Rendered and Recycled. The new CO had her bone dust given to Bobby for the gardens. At the time he said with a happy grin, “Chang-Ngo Sixteen is now my Mistress.” He parceled it out carefully as knew enough to realized that in time more gardens would be needed. In the decade since, two more were planted. Simon found Bobby rummaging around in one of the beds in back by the river bank. He seemed old to Simon, though his Mistress was likely twice Bobby's age. Sisters and Servitors aged differently. He smiled at Simon. “Hello, friend Simon.” “Hello, friend Bobby.” He felt Pleasure/Belonging again. “You just missed friend Sil.” Sil was another Body Servant whose Mistress let him tend to the gardens when she was off at The Project. “Ah,” said Simon. Bobby looked at him thoughtfully. “Your Mistress is off to The Project?” “Yes,” said Simon softly. “Ah.” Bobby stood up, brushed soil from from his apron. “That's good for now.” He rinsed his hand under a motion activated water spigot, splashed some on his face, wiped himself with a small rag he pulled from his jumpsuit pocket. He smiled at Simon. “Let's take a stroll.” Simon nodded and they walked out of the garden. A little was down the river bank they came to a Service Kiosk. It had a spiral staircase heading all the way down, past various access tunnels, to the Outer Shell. From there they went a few yards along a walkway to a glazed surface embedded in the 'floor'. Bobby opened an access panel on the floor and tapped in a code. He was one of the few Servitors who was allowed to have that particular code. Underneath the glazing a metal shutter slowly slid open, revealing the stars and the blackness of space. Simon always felt Fear/Awe upon seeing that vastness, like hearing a Goddess Name. His Mistress had once told him that it was the True Face of all The Goddesses, which was why the Sisterhood was out here. Bobby had nodded sagely when he repeated that. Bobby peered out for a moment, then pointed. “There,” he said. Simon switched on his Enhanced Vision. A large number of dull red spheres popped into view, the infrared heat signatures of other Gaeomes. Then he saw the tiny blue/white pulsing of a plasma drive; Mistress Marinel's transport heading out to The Project. And beyond was The Project itself, a half dozen crescents, the sun reflecting off of naked metal, curving ramps of an incomprehensible massiveness, all orbiting around each other in a circular formation. His mind still rebelled at its size. Mistress Marinel had explained The Project to him as being like the Fiumeanello, that the force of its spinning would keep the air inside of the ring, together with high walls along each edge, its 'banks' so to speak. She also said that it was encompass an area over ten thousand times larger that all of Mother's surface combined when finished. The entire concept scared him deeply as it made his Mistress and her Sisters seem like Goddesses themselves and he was certain he could not live with such a constant state of Fear/Awe. Therefore, like so many billions of humans before, he simply chose to ignore the idea. He watched the pin point of the transport's plasma drive for a few moments, then looked at Bobby, who smiled gently. “Mistress Kalley's garden needs a bit of work,” he said softly. Simon nodded and Bobby closed the shutter. Several hours later Simon returned to quarters. He was tired and dirty, but happy and content. He stripped off his coveralls and sat naked on the floor while Tristabel excitedly searched both them and him for new smells. Then he fed her and took a shower. Clean and relaxed, Simon climbed into his sleeping cradle. Its prosthetics attached the bleeder/feeder tubes to the nozzles on his lower abdomen and he began to drift off. He was vaguely aware of Tristabel climbing onto his chest and curling up to sleep. He smiled slightly...and then those fluffy little sheep once again began their dance upon that lush green meadow and Simon went down past them into a deep and restful sleep.

[lostmoonbunny]

The worst day I have ever spent on my favorite holiday.

Today is Halloween, Samhain, Fall Harvest, All Hallow’s Eve and it’s my very favorite holiday. This evening I am spending it alone. Why? My SO has to work. That’s not the issue.

As I’m sure anyone who has actually read my mostly whiny tumblr blog-style posts then you know I’m a bit of a whiner, married, struggles with anxiety, tries to be upbeat, and haven’t actively revealed how I or my significant other identifies and that’s because I was (poorly) attempting to be the tiniest bit anonymous.

So now we come back to my complaint, to the present. Tonight is my favorite holiday of the year and I’m home, alone, my plans have fallen through due to my anxiety ridden negligence and the mentioning of something that I have dreamt of since I was a teen being once again pushed aside and that dream would be, becoming a mother.

I realize that may not seem like a dream most teen girls have but it’s something I’ve always wanted. I adore children. My nieces and nephews, younger cousins, friends younger siblings and their children now. I have nothing but an over abundance of unconditional love for them. I always have. We joke and say the portion of maternal instincts that were supposed to go to my mother skipped her and came to me so I got a double helping and sometimes it’s true. I desperately long to be a mother. To go through the ups and downs of carrying a child, giving birth, and raising this tiny human...it’s something I’ve had actual dreams of.

“So what’s the issue?” you may be thinking. “You’re married” yeah well that’s part of my conundrum. My husband didn’t tell me that he had changed his mind in having children until after we were married. Knowing that since we very first started dating in 2009 that I wanted to one day have children, tells me after we are married that he doesn’t want kids. My heart just dropped. I had married this man that I have been in love with for seven years and been through so much with only to find out that he held a huge secret from me. “Then just don’t have kids” I’ve been told. If only turning that yearning off was so easy. I have been planning for kids for literal decades, even to the point that my husband and I have even discussed names and how we want to raise kids, vacations, health, goals, etc for our now hypothetical children. Then we come to earlier today...

My plans of spending my holiday with my BiL and SiL fell through (and that is a topic for a different day.) so I was having a moment (for lack of better term) and the hubs was talking me down and somehow I mentioned having kids and he firmly said that he “doesn’t want children and even if he did we couldn’t afford it. “. Which only made me retreat into myself because whenever I bring it up this is the reasoning: A) We can’t afford/have space for a child or B) I have no intention of have children, I don’t want any. I do love my husband and I want to be considerate of his feelings but I honestly don’t want to spend my life not having “My First Birthday” or “My High School Graduation” and watch all of my friends and family experience that with their own kids and not constantly wonder what it would be like or potentially build up resentment against my hubs for hiding this from me till we were married. Just thinking about it makes me sob and I have on more than one occasion. However he has said that he could never keep that from me knowing just how badly this is something I want. I could never have a child with him knowing he had no intention of ever having kids and the potential of him resenting me or this child.

So I sit in my living room in the dark rewatching Sherlock Holmes because I am in a loop and it makes my heart hurt, my depression kick in and I lose all motivation to do absolutely anything but retreat into myself and watch Netflix/YouTube/kdramas/anime.

So what do I do? Where do I go from here? I’m tired of feeling like my relationship is going literally no where. We don’t go on dates, we don’t have fun together, we don’t have any form of intimacy anymore. (And yes that includes sex. That has been like a month) I feel like I have a roommate that I share a bed with platonically, hold hands in the car, watch YouTube videos, eat with, and talk about boobs with. Literally that is our daily life. I have told him my feelings before but he just blames it on his job for his lack of energy for the horizontal hokey pokey, and our differening schedules and promises for the weekend only it doesn’t happen. I’ll be off from work for nearly a week coming up and I can guarantee that it won’t change.

I don’t want to have a child with my husband and risk him resenting me or the child, I don’t want to live with regrets and potentially build resentment for not having a child.

So in the end here I sit. Heartsick, in tears, conflicted, and sad. On my favorite holiday. Alone.

(( I just tried to add some spacing and lost a huge chunk of my post and now I’m even more upset. ))

[studentofrhetoric-blog]

Part 2, Tuesday, March 21st, 2017

International News:

--- "Scotland's First Minister Nicola Sturgeon sought backing from the Edinburgh parliament on Tuesday for her proposal to hold a new referendum on independence from the United Kingdom, the first formal step in a process resisted by London. The parliament started a two-day debate on Sturgeon's proposal to hold a referendum in late 2018 or early 2019, with a vote expected on Wednesday. The current balance of power means Sturgeon is almost certain to win the chamber's backing to formally ask London for permission to press ahead. "It will simply not be acceptable for the UK government to stand as a roadblock to the democratically expressed will of this parliament," said Sturgeon on the first day of debate. Scotland voted against independence by 55 to 45 percent in 2014, but Sturgeon argues circumstances have changed since then because the UK as a whole voted in a referendum last year to leave the European Union while Scotland voted to stay." 

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-britain-eu-scotland-idUSKBN16S244?il=0

--- "Belgium's migration minister on Tuesday attacked aid groups for saving drowning migrants in the Mediterranean, saying they were only causing more death by doing so, earning himself a rebuke from his own prime minister. Thousands of migrants have drowned on their journey across the central Mediterranean in the last couple of years, as millions make the journey to escape poverty and war...MSF, which says on its website that it has saved some 24,000 migrants from drowning, said it regretted that a member of the Belgian government criticized it for saving lives."

http://www.reuters.com/article/us-europe-migrants-belgium-idUSKBN16S2FA?il=0

--- "Italian Prime Minister Paolo Gentiloni said on Tuesday that he wants to send a strong message in favor of free trade when he welcomes U.S. President Donald Trump and other world leaders in Italy in May. Italy hosts the annual meeting of seven of the world's biggest industrialized economies (G7) in the town of Taormina in Sicily on May 26-27. It will be Trump's first scheduled trip to Europe. Trump brandished strong protectionist rhetoric during his "America First" election campaign, saying it was necessary to save jobs. He has already pulled out of a key Pacific trade agreement and proposed a new tax on imports, arguing that certain trade relationships need to be reworked to make them fairer for U.S. workers. "It's our hope that the G-7 in Taormina will send a message about the importance of international trade and against every protectionist temptation," Gentiloni said after meeting with Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in Rome."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-italy-g7-japan-idUSKBN16S2JR?il=0

--- "North Korea has nothing to fear from any U.S. move to broaden sanctions aimed at cutting it off from the global financial system and will pursue "acceleration" of its nuclear and missile programs, a Pyongyang envoy told Reuters on Tuesday. This includes developing a "pre-emptive first strike capability" and an inter-continental ballistic missile (ICBM), said Choe Myong Nam, deputy ambassador at the DPRK (North Korean) mission to the United Nations in Geneva. Reuters, quoting a senior U.S. official in Washington, reported on Monday that the Trump administration is considering sweeping sanctions as part of a broad review of measures to counter North Korea's nuclear and missile threat. "I think this is stemming from the visit by the Secretary of State (Rex Tillerson) to Japan, South Korea and China...We of course are not afraid of any act like that," Choe told Reuters. "Even prohibition of the international transactions system, the global financial system, this kind of thing is part of their system that will not frighten us or make any difference." He called existing sanctions "heinous and inhumane". North Korea has been under sanctions for "half a century" but the communist state survives by placing an emphasis on juche or "self-sufficiency", he said. His country wants a forum set up to examine the "legality and legitimacy of the sanctions regime". He denounced joint annual military exercises currently being carried out by the United States and South Korea on the divided peninsula and criticized remarks by Tillerson during his talks with regional allies last week..."In the light of such huge military forces involved in the joint military exercises, we have no other choice but to continue with our full acceleration of the nuclear programs and missile programs. It is because of these hostile activities on the part of the United States and South Korea.""

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-northkorea-usa-sanctions-idUSKBN16S2KY?il=0

--- "Martin McGuinness, the Irish Republican Army commander who laid down his arms to become a major architect of peace in Northern Ireland, died on Tuesday aged 66, drawing tributes from allies and former enemies alike. The face of Irish Republicanism during some of the worst moments of "The Troubles" that killed more than 3,600 people, McGuinness remained a figure of hate for many pro-British Protestants until his death. But the senior Sinn Fein party figure earned widespread respect across Britain, Ireland and beyond by embracing his bitterest rivals to cement the 1998 Good Friday peace agreement and allow Northern Ireland to slowly return to normality."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-britain-nireland-mcguinness-idUSKBN16S0HJ?il=0

--- "Centrist Emmanuel Macron's bid for power in France gathered pace on Tuesday when he won support from a junior minister in the Socialist government while the interior minister resigned amid scandal in a new twist to the topsy-turvy presidential campaign. Voters rated Macron as the strongest performer of the five leading candidates who took part in the first debate of the presidential election campaign on Monday night, watched by nearly 10 million viewers, according to snap opinion polls. His front-running status was reinforced by an endorsement from a junior minister in Socialist President Francois Hollande's administration, the first government member openly to back the independent politician in preference to the Socialist candidate, Benoit Hamon. In addition to the endorsement from biodiversity minister Barbara Pompili, of the ecology party, Macron also won backing from Bernard Poignant, a close adviser to Hollande. The turbulent election campaign was rocked again on Tuesday by the sudden resignation of Interior Minister Bruno Le Roux over press reports he paid his daughters from public funds for summer jobs in parliament when he was a lawmaker. The hiring of family members by politicians has become a sensitive issue after conservative candidate Francois Fillon became embroiled in a similar scandal over parliamentary assistant jobs for his wife and two of his children. Le Roux quit after financial prosecutors opened an inquiry into the allegations against him, although he insisted he did nothing wrong."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-france-election-idUSKBN16S0QO?il=0

--- "Ousted South Korean President Park Geun-hye left prosecutors' offices early on Wednesday after being questioned in an investigation into a corruption scandal that ended her presidency this month. Park did not respond to reporters' questions as she emerged from the building after nearly 22 hours and entered a waiting car to be driven to her private home. Prosecutors questioned Park as a criminal suspect for the first time since the Constitutional Court on March 10 upheld her December impeachment by parliament. Park is accused of colluding with a friend, Choi Soon-sil, to pressure big businesses to donate to two foundations set up to back the president’s policy initiatives. She and Choi have denied wrongdoing. Prosecutors declined to comment on Tuesday whether Park would be called back for more questioning or whether they will seek an arrest warrant from the court to detain her. They did not discuss the details of the questions but said Park was responding well to the investigation. She issued a brief statement upon arriving at the prosecutors' office on Tuesday, her first public remark since being removed from office...The questioning lasted 14 hours until just before midnight, one of her lawyers, Sohn Bum-gyu, told reporters."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-souhtkorea-politics-idUSKBN16S2W3?il=0

"Several developing countries are rising in the ranks of overall well-being after decades of struggling to keep up with Western nations, an annual report shows. The World Happiness Report, an index that rates nations based on factors such as income and life expectancy, released its 2017 list Monday at the United Nations. The list doesn’t contain any surprises among the happiest or least happy nations, where Norway, Denmark, Switzerland, Iceland, and Finland rounded out the top and the Central African Republic, Syria, Tanzania, and Burundi came in among the bottom of the list. But there is movement among some developing nations, including Nicaragua, Latvia, Sierra Leone, and Ecuador, which all saw the highest jumps in their happiness ratings when indexes from 2005-2007 were compared to 2014-2016 numbers. Meanwhile, nations on the regressing side included many Western countries, such as the United States, Italy, and Greece, as well as impoverished nations like the Central African Republic, Rwanda, and Ukraine. Nicaragua came in 43rd, Ecuador in 44th, Latvia in 54th, and Sierra Leone in 106th, overall, putting each (aside from Sierra Leone) in the top half of nations. Sierra Leone made the third-largest gain on the happiness scale, after Latvia (No. 2) and Nicaragua (No. 1). Analysts say that healthy life expectancy and gross domestic product per capita are two of the strongest determining factors in gauging a country’s happiness. But among nations that have generally ranked lower, such as developing countries in Latin America, Africa, or Eastern Europe, seemingly slight changes in those factors, or in issues of violent conflict and volatile political systems, can facilitate larger shifts, causing countries to see significant progress."

Source: http://www.csmonitor.com/World/2017/0321/It-s-not-just-Norway-some-developing-countries-are-seeing-gains-in-happiness-index-too

Domestic & International News:

--- "U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson proposed new dates on Tuesday for a NATO meeting, the State Department said, after he initially decided to skip the talks and rebuffed the alliance's efforts to reschedule them. Tillerson's decision to miss his first meeting with NATO foreign ministers, set for April 5-6 in Brussels, unsettled European allies who worried it reopened questions about U.S. President Donald Trump's commitment to the alliance. Reuters exclusively reported on Monday that Tillerson would stay in the United States to attend Trump's expected April 6-7 talks with Chinese President Xi Jinping in Florida. U.S. officials also said Tillerson would visit Russia later in April. The alliance had offered to change the meeting dates so Tillerson could attend both it and the Xi talks but the U.S. State Department rebuffed the idea, a former U.S. official and a former NATO diplomat, both speaking on condition of anonymity, said on Monday. On Tuesday, State Department spokesman Mark Toner said the department put forward new dates for a meeting when Tillerson could come, noting that such a decision would have to be made by consensus among the 28 NATO members...It was not yet clear if the NATO meeting would be rescheduled to accommodate Tillerson...NATO's quarterly meetings are closed-door sessions over about two days in which governments discuss security strategies and approve top secret documents designed to guide the nuclear-armed alliance in areas ranging from training in Afghanistan to defenses against Iranian missiles. Given the U.S. role as the de facto head of the alliance, it is rare for the country's top diplomat to miss a NATO meeting. The last time was during the Iraq war in 2003, when Colin Powell was forced to cancel at the last moment."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-tillerson-nato-idUSKBN16S18S?il=0

--- "The United States and Britain on Tuesday imposed restrictions on carry-on electronic devices on planes coming from certain airports in Muslim-majority countries in the Middle East and North Africa in response to unspecified security threats. The U.S. Department of Homeland Security said passengers traveling from a specific list of airports could not bring into the main cabin devices larger than a mobile phone such as tablets, portable DVD players, laptops and cameras. Instead, such items must be in checked baggage. Although civil liberties groups raised concerns that U.S. President Donald Trump was seeking another limit on movement after a travel ban from Muslim-majority countries was challenged in the courts, Britain took similar steps. A spokesman for British Prime Minister Theresa May said there would be curbs on electronic items in the cabin on flights from six countries in the Middle East. The foreign office said the measures would be implemented by March 25. The moves were prompted by reports that militant groups want to smuggle explosive devices inside electronic gadgets. The ban would continue for the "foreseeable future," a U.S. government official said on Tuesday, adding that it was possible it could be extended to other airports and other countries...The airports covered by the U.S. restrictions are in Cairo; Istanbul; Kuwait City; Doha, Qatar; Casablanca, Morocco; Amman, Jordan; Riyadh and Jeddah, Saudi Arabia; and Dubai and Abu Dhabi in United Arab Emirates. The affected airports are served by nine airlines that fly directly from those cities to the United States about 50 times a day, senior government officials said. The carriers -- Royal Jordanian Airlines, Egypt Air, Turkish Airlines, Saudi Arabian Airlines, Kuwait Airways, Royal Air Maroc, Qatar Airways, Emirates and Etihad Airways -- have until Friday to adopt the new policy, which took effect on Tuesday."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-airlines-electronics-idUSKBN16S11Q?il=0

--- "The new U.S. administration should keep its international obligations and common trade rules in mind when overhauling its tax code to favor exports over imports, senior European and German government officials said on Tuesday. Seeking to put "America first", U.S. President Donald Trump has already pulled out of one major trade agreement and proposed a border tax on imports, arguing that certain trade relationships need to be reshaped to make them fairer for U.S. workers. "The European Commission expects all trade partners to stick to international rules and obligations to which they committed, especially under the framework of the World Trade Organization," a senior European Union official said, referring to U.S. proposals to introduce a border adjustment tax. The EU official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, pointed to the WTO requirement to avoid any form of discrimination in trade relations. Germany Deputy Economy Minister Matthias Machnig urged the new U.S. administration to abide by the rules under the WTO framework."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-europe-usa-trade-rules-idUSKBN16S2H4?il=0

--- "U.S. and European shares tumbled on Tuesday on concerns that higher interest rates and pro-growth U.S. policies were on hold, boosting safe-haven Treasuries and gold prices, while the euro hit a more than six-week high against the dollar on soothed French election worries. The U.S. S&P 500 financial sector .SPSY fell as much as 2.8 percent and was on track for its biggest daily plunge in nine months. Analysts attributed the selling to reduced confidence that U.S. President Donald Trump's pro-growth policies, including financial deregulation, would occur soon, and to concerns of a dovish Federal Reserve. The Fed stuck to its outlook for two more hikes this year last week, instead of the three expected by many market participants."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-markets-idUSKBN16S030?il=0

--- "Secretary of State Rex Tillerson has written to the leaders of the U.S. Senate urging the ratification of Montenegro as the newest member of the NATO alliance, saying it is "strongly in the interests of the United States." In a letter dated March 7 and seen by Reuters on Tuesday, Tillerson argued that Montenegro's membership in the alliance would support greater integration, democratic reform, trade, security and stability among its neighbors. Moscow opposes any further expansion of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, and the delay in U.S. approval of Montenegro's accession has fueled questions about whether President Donald Trump's administration and his Republican Party will stand up to Russia despite Trump's desire for better relations...Montenegro, a former Yugoslav republic with a population of 650,000, hopes to win the required approval of all 28 NATO allies in time to become a full member at a summit in May. By early this month, it had been approved by 24. NATO members see Montenegro's accession as a way to counter Russia's efforts to expand its influence in the Balkans."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-nato-montenegro-exclusive-idUSKBN16S2VH?il=0

Domestic News:

--- "The U.S. Chamber of Commerce said in a letter to lawmakers on Tuesday that it supported the Republican healthcare bill that could come up for a vote in the House of Representatives as early as Thursday. The chamber said it would consider how lawmakers vote on the bill in its annual "How They Voted Scorecard," which could put pressure on members of Congress to support the legislation."

Source:  http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-obamacare-chamberofcommerce-idUSKBN16S2LX?il=0

--- "U.S. Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch on Tuesday pledged independence from President Donald Trump and said no one including the president is above the law amid concerns by Democrats he would be beholden to the man who selected him. Answering questions from senators during the second day of his Senate Judiciary Committee confirmation hearing, Gorsuch said Trump never asked him to overturn the 1973 Supreme Court ruling legalizing abortion nationwide, saying if the Republican president had done so "I would have walked out the door." Trump promised during last year's presidential campaign to appoint an anti-abortion justice who would overturn the landmark Roe v. Wade ruling, which many conservatives want reversed. If confirmed by the Senate as expected to fill a 13-month-old vacancy, Gorsuch would restore the nine-seat court's conservative majority at a time when Republicans control Congress and the White House. But the conservative federal appeals court judge from Colorado repeatedly said he was beyond politics. "When I became a judge, they gave me a gavel not a rubber stamp," Gorsuch said. "I am my own man," he added. His steady, measured performance during the marathon session, marked by a few moments of indignation under Democratic questioning, indicated he was on track for confirmation."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-court-gorsuch-idUSKBN16S10L?il=0

Background on Gorsuch: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-court-gorsuch-cases-factbox-idUSKBN16S10X?il=0

--- "Some conservatives in Washington were fuming on Tuesday after an Obamacare rollback bill was tweaked by Republican leaders to delete a provision meant to crack down on illegal immigrants getting federal healthcare insurance coverage. The development posed another problem for Republican leaders in the U.S. House of Representatives and President Donald Trump, who are trying to win congressional approval of the wider bill, the first big legislative test for Trump since taking office. The provision would have allowed the Treasury Department to access data at the Department of Homeland Security to verify that healthcare tax credits went only to U.S. citizens and legal permanent residents, not to illegal immigrants. In a largely procedural move, it was dropped from the bill after the Senate Parliamentarian determined that the Senate Finance Committee, which handles tax credits under the bill, does not have purview over the Department of Homeland Security."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-obamacare-immigration-idUSKBN16S2RX?il=0

--- "Organizers of a prominent Mexican festival in Philadelphia have cancelled this year’s parade over concerns that immigration authorities could target attendees. Edgar Ramirez, one of the six organizers who decided unanimously to cancel it, told local station WCAU-TV that the decision was a “sad but responsible” one in light of the "severe conditions affecting the immigrant community,” citing recent large-scale immigration raids that include a roundup of 248 people in Pennsylvania and neighboring states this month. "We have people who travel all the way from Chicago, Connecticut and New York," Mr. Ramirez told the station. "We don't want anything to happen to them." El Carnaval de Puebla, held in South Philadelphia for about a decade on May 5, celebrates Mexican forces’ defeat of French invaders on May 5, 1862 in Puebla, the state from which much of the city's Mexican population hails. About 450 people march in the parade, which draws about 15,000 attendees. The event's cancellation seems to underscore the way a crackdown aimed at least nominally at immigrants without legal status has prompted trepidation among nonwhite ethnic communities more generally. And it comes as Philadelphia, along with other cities deemed “sanctuaries” for immigrants due to policies that limit police cooperation with ICE, faces pressure from the Trump administration. In a January memo, President Trump ordered federal funding to be cut off for such jurisdictions, though if and how that might be enacted remains unclear."

Source: http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2017/0321/Cinco-de-Mayo-cancelled-in-Philadelphia-amid-immigration-fears

--- "In the eyes of some Democrats, he might be the hero the party deserves – and the hero it needs. Former Vice President Joe Biden returns to the political stage as a not-so-silent guardian of Obamacare just two months after leaving office. Joining House minority leader Nancy Pelosi and other Democrats on the steps of the Capitol, an Obamacare rally will mark an unusually political start for a post-vice presidency. The Democratic leaders will gather on the front steps of the Capitol at 10 a.m. Wednesday in a joint celebration of Obamacare’s 7th anniversary and in protest of its potentially imminent repeal, according to Politico. The rally will be one of Mr. Biden’s first political appearances since leaving office in January."

Source: http://www.csmonitor.com/USA/2017/0321/Biden-returns-What-s-next-in-the-Obamacare-fight

--- "Andrew Puzder, who withdrew as nominee for U.S. Labor Secretary in the new Trump administration, is stepping down as chief executive of CKE Restaurants Holdings Inc in April, the parent of the Carl's Jr and Hardee's restaurant chains said on Tuesday. "I expressed my desire to have CKE plan for succession approximately a year ago," said Puzder, 66, who has served as chief executive officer since 2000. Puzder will be succeeded by Jason Marker, who most recently was president of Yum Brands Inc's (YUM.N) KFC chain. Puzder pulled his name from consideration for labor secretary in February, amid concerns that he could not garner enough U.S. Senate votes to be confirmed following a swirl of controversies, complaints and potential conflicts."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-cke-restaurants-puzder-idUSKBN16S2XE?il=0

--- "U.S. President Donald Trump's administration is not considering a carbon tax, a White House official said on Tuesday. On Feb. 8, Trump administration officials met with a group of Republican elder statesman who called for a $40 per ton tax on carbon emissions to fend off global climate change. In response to that meeting, the White House official said: "The Trump Administration is not considering a carbon tax.""

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-trump-carbontax-idUSKBN16S2ZF?il=0

--- "The United States pulled out of a regional hearing held on Tuesday to discuss the possible effects on human rights from executive orders signed by U.S. President Donald Trump targeting immigrants and refugees, organizers said. The hearing by the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights (IACHR), created by the 35-nation Organization of American States (OAS) to protect human rights in the Americas, follows concerns over the impact of three executive orders signed by Trump, including plans to build a wall on the border with Mexico. The U.S. government has appealed a federal judge's halt on Trump's ban on refugees and travelers from six predominantly Muslim countries. Trump said the ban was needed to protect the country from Islamist militants but immigration advocates said it discriminated against Muslims. Maria Isabel Rivero, a spokeswoman for the IACHR, said the United States advised the commission on Monday it would not attend the panel, which includes representatives from a number of regional human rights and immigration groups. "If the member state doesn't want to be represented there is nothing we can do about it but the hearing goes ahead anyway," Rivero said. State Department spokesman Mark Toner said government lawyers felt it would not have been appropriate to discuss the executive orders while some are under review by U.S. courts."

Source: http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-rights-oas-idUSKBN16S2YP?il=0

[nebris]

A Day In The Life

~The fluffy little sheep pranced around the lush green meadow. Simon felt deep Pleasure. He awoke in a good mood. As always. The sleeping cradle's prosthetics detached the bleeder/feeder tubes from their respective nozzles on his lower abdomen. His neural nanonics gave him a mild surge of adrenaline. He was ready for a New Day. He put on his sleeveless coverall and house slippers and went to prepare breakfast for his Mistress. Life here On Assignment was much simpler than back at the Karaal. At the Ninth Karaal of Ma'at – Simon shuddered in Fear/Awe every time he heard, spoke or even thought of of any Goddesses' Name – there were so many Sisters and Servitors it could get very confusing. It was the Karaal's Master Servitor who had guided Simon when he first arrived from the Ministry of Service creche. That memory, sense of Belonging, which he had at the start of every New Day, gave him Pleasure. Simon's intellect was that of a Baseline Human seven year old, so it was largely through repetition and the programming in his neural nanonics that he had the capacity to be of Service. Of course he had never met a Baseline Human. He knew only Sisters, who were born above Baseline, and Servitors, who were mostly born below it. Simon didn't even know if any Baseline Humans still existed and had never really thought about it so far in his short life. This morning's breakfast was three medium poached eggs and four well done pork sausages with two pieces of wholewheat bread, lightly toasted, each with two teaspoons of butter spread evenly upon their surface within forty five seconds of the end of toasting. Simon knew this was a favorite of his Mistress and prepared it with an extra amount of his usual precision. He had already put out food and water for Tristabel, his Mistress' cat, who would come out into the kitchen area when she heard Simon moving about. She would purr and rub his ankles, but have her face in the bowl before he took breakfast to his Mistress' bedroom. Marinel, his Mistress, was stretching and yawning in her bed, her own neural nanonics having awoken her a few moments before. She smiled sleepily at him, her usually wide green eyes still narrow with sleep, the chocolate brown skin of her shaved head softly radiant in the morning light. Simon missed brushing her long luxuriant white hair, but here On Assignment, that hair was Non-Regulation. “Good morning, Simon.” He felt Love/Awe “Good morning, Mistress,” he said in the soft pleasant tone she liked at this hour. He knew that because, as her Body Servant, his neural nanonics were Bonded to hers. He paused as she leaned her face back and a small nozzle emerged from the head board – that was a personal modification of her own – giving her face a quick fine mist. She wiped her face with the small towel Simon placed upon her nightstand every evening before she went to bed. It became a 'napkin' with breakfast. Simon placed the tray before her. “Ah, my favorite,” she said with a grin, then tousled his short blond hair. The feeling of Love/Pleasure went deep into his core. He bowed and withdrew. While his Mistress showered he returned to retrieve the breakfast tray and then laid out her Service Skin Suit upon the bed. Tristabel promptly draped herself on top of it. She could be conditioned not to, but Marinel found it endearing. Marinal emerged from the shower naked and knelt before the small altar in a corner of her bedroom. It held numerous small statues, many images on the wall above. candles, bowls, incense holders and various Majickal tools. She prayed quietly for a few minutes. Simon stood utterly still, while Tristabel watched from the bed, purring softly. She had been conditioned to stay off the altar and to not disturb Marinal when she knelt there. And then Marinal was suited up and ready to go out the door. Even if he was not programmed to feel so, Simon would have been Awed by his Mistress, towering over him – he was only five feet tall, she was six plus – her black Skin Suit alternatively matte and glossy depending upon how the light hit it, fitting her finely muscled body like..well, skin. Over her right breast were two six pointed silver stars denoting a Lieutenant. Beneath them lines of code. Simon's neural nanonics read them; Savastri-Nemmara, Marinel: Space Force/Corps of Engineers. “I'll be back in about a week,” she said, kissing him on the top of his head, and then was out the door, off to The Project. He had a few seconds of Fear and Loneliness before his neural nanonics gave him a quick surge of endorphins. Refreshed, he stripped her bed and put the bed clothes in the washer. He also Messaged Maintenance to confirm a General Servicing in forty three hours. And then he put on his outside shoes and went for a walk. When his Mistress first brought him out here to Chang-Ngo Sixteen Simon had been very disoriented. Though it had been explained that this was a Gaeome, a small world that was 'inside out', living on land inside of a sphere was rather confusing, especially the river that flowed in a circle all the way around the middle. He had looked at it flowing down toward what appeared to be a wall yet then flowing up that 'wall' and then around and over his head and then back down behind and it gave him such terrible vertigo that his neural nanonics had to work very hard to restore his equilibrium. Six months in a medical coma for the trip here by Loop Ship didn't help. But now, a over a year later, even though he never did quite grasp the concept of gravity, Simon was perfectly at home. Now his favorite thing to do was walk along the bank of that circular river, the Fiumeanello, which meant 'ring river' in some old language he'd never heard of before. He started off on the 'south' bank, which was the 'lower' half of the sphere where the residential area was located. The 'north' bank was full of farm land, being closer to the translucent lens at the end of 'upper' half of the sphere where sunlight came in. Simon tried not to think too hard about all that up/down-north/south stuff or he'd get dizzy again. He walked slowly as usual, taking in the wonderfully odd vista of the Gaeome. The crops to the 'north' were ready to be harvested, their bright hues changing the very light itself. There were Sisters rowing on the Fiumeanello in both single and team sculls, their diaphanous athletic singlets soaked to their bodies with the sweat of going against the current. And 'above', in the empty center, two Sisters on hang gliders dipped and swooped in an aerial dance that could be mating or fighting or a combination of both. They wore broad feathery flippers that alternately pumped furiously to push them forward or held still and straight to guide a dive or turn. Simon took all this in and felt Awe/Pleasure/Belonging on an organic level that his neural nanonics merely reinforced. Soon he came to his first destination, one of the service tunnels that ran under the river connecting 'north/upper' and 'south/lower'. Bridges were not ergonomically practical in this small a Gaeome. The passage was wide and well lit, the floor a soft, firm materiel, the walls and ceiling raw gray metal. Not far from the northern exit Simon could see a flower garden, his next destination. The garden was rectangular, oriented 'north', with rows of flower beds on either side of a central path which led from the gated entrance to a stone monument. About Simon's height, it was made from compressed stone tailings, highly polished, with a holographic embed of a smiling Sister with a big nose and an inscription in a cursive writing that Simon didn't recognize. His neural nanonics could have translated the writing, but his friend Bobby said her name was Ghuljaan. This was simply Mistress Ghuljaan's garden and that was good enough for him. In the thirty one years that Chang-Ngo Sixteen had so far been in operation, seven Sisters had been killed while On Assignment. Space was not at all a forgiving environment. And, like Simon's own Mistress, each of those Sisters had a Body Servant who had accompanied then out here. Two of those surviving Servitors were so distressed by the loss of their Mistresses that they had to be put to sleep. Being this far out their bodies were Rendered and Recycled on site. Nanonics and physio-comps extracted and sent to Fabrication. Tissues and viscera sent to the Meat Vat [were those pork sausages came from]. Bones powered and spread on the 'northside' fields. Four others had fared better and been placed in a medical coma to be shipped back to Mother on the next Loop Ship. And then there was Bobby. He had been with his Mistress for over three decades when she died, nearly all of that time in space, with the last eleven when she was CO of Chang-Ngo Sixteen. She had loved to garden and had started the memorial gardens for the Sisters who died In Service. And Bobby was her assistant gardener. When she was killed – a freak head strike by a non-ferrous slag micropartical while on EVA – Bobby requested that he be allowed to stay and tend the gardens. He was too old to be Bonded with another Mistress, but wasn't mentally destroyed by his Mistress' death. And the gardens were good for everyone's morale, Sister and Servitor. His Mistress was a Spacer through and through, so her Will stated that her body also be Rendered and Recycled. The new CO had her bone dust given to Bobby for the gardens. At the time he said with a happy grin, “Chang-Ngo Sixteen is now my Mistress.” He parceled it out carefully as he knew enough to understand that in time more gardens would be needed. In the decade since, two more were planted. Simon found Bobby rummaging around in one of the beds in back by the river bank. He seemed old to Simon, though his Mistress was likely twice Bobby's age. Sisters and Servitors aged differently. He smiled at Simon. “Hello, friend Simon.” “Hello, friend Bobby.” He felt Pleasure/Belonging again. “You just missed friend Sil.” Sil was another Body Servant whose Mistress let him tend to the gardens when she was off at The Project. “Ah,” said Simon. Bobby looked at him thoughtfully. “Your Mistress is off to The Project?” “Yes,” said Simon softly. “Ah.” Bobby stood up, brushed soil from from his apron. “That's good for now.” He rinsed his hand under a motion activated water spigot, splashed some on his face, wiped himself with a small rag he pulled from his jumpsuit pocket. He smiled at Simon. “Let's take a stroll.” Simon nodded and they walked out of the garden. A little way down the river bank they came to a Service Kiosk. It had a spiral staircase heading all the way down, past various access tunnels, to the Outer Shell. From there they went a few yards along a walkway to a glazed surface embedded in the 'floor'. Bobby opened an access panel on the floor and tapped in a code. He was one of the few Servitors who was allowed to have that particular code. Underneath the glazing a metal shutter slowly slid open, revealing the stars and the blackness of space. Simon always felt Fear/Awe upon seeing that vastness, like hearing a Goddess Name. His Mistress had once told him that it was the True Face of all The Goddesses, which was why the Sisterhood was out here. Bobby had nodded sagely when he repeated that. Bobby peered out for a moment, then pointed. “There,” he said. Simon switched on his Enhanced Vision. A large number of dull red spheres popped into view, the infrared heat signatures of other Gaeomes. Then he saw the tiny blue/white pulsing of a plasma drive; Mistress Marinel's transport heading out to The Project. And beyond was The Project itself, a half dozen crescents, the sun reflecting off of naked metal, curving ramps of an incomprehensible massiveness, all orbiting around each other in a circular formation. His mind still rebelled at its size. Mistress Marinel had explained The Project to him as being like the Fiumeanello, that the force of its spinning would keep the air inside of the ring, together with high walls along each edge, its 'banks' so to speak. She also said that it was to encompass an area over ten thousand times larger that all of Mother's surface combined when finished. The entire concept scared him deeply as it made his Mistress and her Sisters seem like Goddesses themselves and he was certain he could not live with such a constant state of Fear/Awe. Therefore, like so many billions of humans before, he simply chose to ignore the idea. He watched the pin point of the transport's plasma drive for a few moments, then looked at Bobby, who smiled gently. “Mistress Kalley's garden needs a bit of work,” he said softly. Simon nodded and Bobby closed the shutter. Several hours later Simon returned to quarters. He was tired and dirty, but happy and content. He stripped off his coveralls and sat naked on the floor while Tristabel excitedly searched both them and him for new smells. Then he fed her and took a shower. Clean and relaxed, Simon climbed into his sleeping cradle. Its prosthetics attached the bleeder/feeder tubes to the nozzles on his lower abdomen and he began to drift off. He was vaguely aware of Tristabel climbing onto his chest and curling up to sleep. He smiled slightly...and then those fluffy little sheep once again began their dance upon that lush green meadow and Simon went down past them into a deep and restful sleep.