In which Stiles is a practitioner of the Dark Arts.
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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.
the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.
for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.
the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.
but they were never whole to begin with, were they?
qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.
olly says nothing.
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Fe Aspec Week Day 2: Friendship
An indulgent piece for today!!!! :') It's no secret the trio's friendship has always had a really special place in my heart, and I've been grateful for the taste of acceptance and contentment it brought me during (and long after) I played the game. To see them find the most caring and complete friendship in each other was truly inspiring.
Here's to all of us finding the people that make us "never long for companionship throughout the rest of our days" <3
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My toxic trait is that I like how my incomplete drawings look better than the finished things
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Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.
Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.
Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.
It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...
This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.
I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.
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Oh my god HOW DID YOU LIKE SVSSS!!!!!
i liked it more than i thought i would but overall less than i might have given the potential of the story, i think in general i really enjoyed the characters (mxtx never goes wrong with characters, she creates them in a way that makes me feel unhinged) and the world building but the pay off to the set up—which i really liked!—felt a bit........ i mean, just alright.
the dynamics too are pure mxtx, personally the bin/gqiu dynamic specifically really was the least interesting part of the whole story. to me!! but individually i loved both characters. my interest was just elsewhere because """elsewhere""" felt way more fascinating idk how to explain it
was very, very happy about the extra with airplane and the yue qingyuan / shen jiu one because that's exactly what i wanted more of in the story itself as well as just more shen yuan/qingqiu interacting with cang qiong mountain
maybe it's my orv brain but like i told jana a while back i think i would have enjoyed svsss way more if it was more about shen yuan (loner; hater; etc) suddenly finding himself among all of these people (disciples looking up to him; sect siblings relying on him one way or another; common folk admiring him; etc etc) and starting to.... live? again?
Shen Qingqiu hadn't noticed that, unconsciously, he no longer considered the disciples around him (...) to be mob characters the novel had described in a scant number of words.
^from volume one, he starts seeing them almost immediately because he's not actually that separate and he genuinely cares. all the time. about everything. even before that we get:
This was only a book, and all the people were constructs, imaginary characters. Logically, Shen Qingqiu was very clear on this fact...but when a character was actually being taunted and bullied right before his eyes, it was just flat-out unrealistic to expect him to be completely unmoved.
like why are you lying, shen yuan (<- svsss tagline if there ever was one)
just the idea of this really lonely detached guy finding a community, i know it's not the story mxtx was trying to tell but again, with the set up i really wanted to see it go in that direction.
there's one line from vol two where liu qingge goes "you fear becoming a burden to cang qiong mountain (...) but cang qiong mountain fears not your burden"
and basically what i'm saying is that i wish the story had been about THAT
(and also ning yingying's lines in that same chapter about shizun always taking on everything himself and why is it always you like that whole moment with the cang qiong mountain almost begging him to see that they care. idek what i'm saying but you know)
(also foaming at the mouth that we only got tiny tiny glimpses of shen yuan's life from before, those handful of times he mentioned his siblings i wanted to take a bite out of my kindle. tell me more!! dear fucking lord tell me more!! keep talking! elaborate!! he really felt very "kim dokja and his fourth wall" at times, sorry once more about the orv brain)
tldr: i guess i wanted a story about shen yuan/qingqiu but mxtx created svsss to be a story about bin/gqiu. and i just have to be okay with that.
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Jurassic World: Chaos Theory spoilers:
(This is relevant to Star Wars I promise lol)
The ending of this season just makes Tech’s death that much more frustrating!!!
Like we, the audience, knew Brooklyn was alive, because that’s the way the story was set up. That’s the story we, as humans, like and understand and crave. We didn’t know when or how she was coming back, so it was still a surprise! And she lost an arm in the attack, so there were consequences! None of the tension or emotion was lost because she’s actually alive.
It just parallels Tech’s death so perfectly…except that in Chaos Theory they actually went with the story that both made narrative sense and satisfied the audience. There was still genuine pain and grief for her through the whole season, making her ‘death’ impactful (haha we didn’t even get that for Tech, so it was pretty much meaningless 🙃), but they’re still bringing her back into the story. It doesn’t feel forced or juvenile—it feels like the way the story is supposed to go.
It just feels like a kick in the teeth coming right on the heels of the end of TBB (mixing my metaphors a little lol) because yeah. This. This is exactly what I wanted: we get Tech back. He’s changed, irrevocably, but he’s back.
There just doesn’t feel like there was any point to Tech’s death except to hurt the audience—and it barely has any impact on the in-world story at all!!! A couple of almost throw-away lines over the whole third season. We don’t even see Crosshair finding out what happened.
TL;DR
The ending of the first season of Chaos Theory is exactly what I wanted to happen with Tech, and there’s no reason we shouldn’t have gotten him back.
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It’s hard to justify spending money on, and it’s a little embarrassing even if it’s fun, but I’m kinda tempted to make an art book of digital art I’ve done. It’d be almost half wizard101 fanart, and a lot of oc stuff. One thing I kinda miss about doing less traditional these days is not really having sketchbooks to flip through. In general if I’m gonna spend money on an art book I’d rather it be someone else’s art book… I have a few because I do enjoy splurging on one every once in a while when I can afford it. but it would scratch some kinda itch to have one of my own too. Somewhere (not sure where I put it) I have one of photography I did, since it was required as a final project for one of my photography classes. But it’d be nice to have one of drawings, since that’s my main thing. Idk
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char, you've got me on the edge of my seat here. i'm very excited for whatever you're working on, hope you're just as excited to be creating it
anon i am so excited you have no idea. i'm by nature a very creative person, and due to school, work, and now illness, i haven't had my needed release of creativity. it's been festering for a while. so once i was struck by inspiration, it's been hard to stop me. it feels amazing to be creating things again--(and a little secret: it's something i have no experience in and have no business doing abilities-wise, but that's never stopped me before!)
it's spiralled into an even bigger project than i could've ever predicted, and honestly, it wasn't even going to be something i posted about when i started. it was just a project for me--which is important!! but with how big it's gotten and how much fun i've had--and honestly the quality of it too--i've decided i do want to share it here bc i think you'll love it.
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How I would fix Dr Who (revisited)
While I am sure there are folks that love the Doctor Who show and the direction it has taken under Chibnal, I know there are others who are not satisfied with certain developments. Ever since the end of Matt Smith's run there have been issues with the continuity of the series:
- The expansion of The Doctor's regenerations was first explained via a "time lord energy infusion" in Town of Christmas, but was later revealed to be an aspect of the Timeless Child.
- The swapping of sex/gender was first done with the Master and later explored with the Doctor.
- Letting go of a Time Lord's power was explored in Human Nature and later in Uptopia, but revisited as being a "female presenting" quality later.
- The Bi-Generation creating two time lords.
A lot of this new canon has been... not easy to absorb. And I'm not going to say there's any connection to ratings or audience scores, but as someone who is more interested in the science fiction aspect of the show, I think there is enough of the new canon to play with to fit in with the long-running series canon.
Make The Doctor a distinct being separate from The Timeless Child.
- This is the main one, and could be done a couple of different ways. My previous theory was to make The Timeless Child the Time Vortex at the heart of the TARDIS (which explains why it is different from other TARDIS). This would explain the leeching of memories and power to other individuals as well.
- Another way to do this would be to have The Doctor either be a bi-generation from The Timeless Child, or perhaps be the son of The Timeless Child who inherited some memories. There are options.
Restore the Regeneration Limit and explain how it was bypassed.
- The previous explanation is that The Doctor is the first Time Lord and therefore has endless regenerations. This never felt right. The Doctor being a Time Lord whose uniqueness comes from their decisions, the promise to be "The Doctor" rather than their particular history is the key to the character.
- You could do another bi-generation backstory into The Doctor's past, and that part of The Doctor has been dormant, sleeping aboard the TARDIS for near a thousand years (my personal choice would be the regeneration from 2nd to 3rd Doctor).
- Then you would have to explain that The Doctor who has been adventuring has been part of The Doctor, but a being who got mixed up with The Timeless Child and is therefore confused. Then explain that the reason for the regeneration limit being bypassed is because of the TARDIS - so many Doctors regenerate in the TARDIS and this is shown to have led to many explosions of energy which were not present in earlier regenerations because this version of The Doctor is growing unstable.
- Time Lords are not meant to live more than 12 regenerations, because the energy in their bodies becomes more than they can handle, like a dying star they either go supernova or become dwarf stars.
Kill off the current version of The Doctor and bring in "The Original"
- This could be a series-long arc involving The Valeyard - with the "current Doctor" being the Valeyard and "The Original" questing to stop them, but would end up with The Doctor dying and creating their grave on Trenzalore that is eventually visited by 11 and Clara.
- The "original" Doctor would then continue the adventures, absorbing all the memories of their alternate selves - and resume the regeneration limit from 3 (a new 3, not Pertwee) and then regenerating into 4.
Anyways, that's how I'd rework Doctor Who if it was up to me. But it's not, so whatever.
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I mean like with all sincerity I don’t think I’ve faced the level of emotional destruction that Plague Tale Requiem served on a 4k platter
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something something about how the rings not just symbolised Yuuri and Victor's bond and was not just an omamori for them something something Victor was the first person Yuuri wanted to hold on to and share his dreams with and depend on after fighting for so long ALONE something something the rings symbolising this exact same thing something something about how Yuuri's arc still is wonderful even when he didn't win the gold because he finally learnt to actually depend on people, share his dreams and aims with them and not fight alone which is something he struggles with for the whole show
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sometimes i think maybe i'd like to actually write & post my writing on here but then i remember the worldbuilding i was working on needs to be entirely reworked in some parts & it's like. what's the point until i've worked all that out
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did you know that cooking yourself is actually a good idea because whoaaaaaa
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I somehow just spent 4 straight hours making grid guides for myself, I think I have a problem
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It is so Incredibly freeing to let myself draw whatever the fuck I want to draw without letting other people's expectations/desires/standards hold me back, like gosh I'm having so much more fun with it than I used to
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