#so i will amend my original statement to say it’s funny and it doesn’t make any sense

[violetwolfraven]

The funniest thing in the world to me is when people write mermaids that are bothered by humans eating fish. Like do you think fish don’t eat each other? The ocean is full of little freaks that will eat whatever or whoever the fuck will fit in their mouths. If the mermaids haven’t been eating fish this whole time what do you think they’ve been eating? If the answer is humans, that doesn’t make it any less funny. They’ll eat the species that looks like the top half of them but won’t eat a species that looks like the bottom half? Peak comedy.

[ptersparkers]

angel (chilling adventures of sabrina)

summary: as the only pure mortal in the fright club, there seems to be an influx of interesting things happening in greendale that you are unaware of. a certain prince of hell happens to find that interesting. 

warnings: typos, probably.

a/n: ummm maybe i binge watched caos this past week and maybe i’ve fallen in love. i’ll let you figure that out. also this is my first time writing for caos (and not marvel, lol) so let me know what you think!!’ pls give feedback thank u. 

add yourself to my tasglist! 

ps: this gif is mine so if you use it, please credit!  

When all was said and done, Sabrina and Caliban had come to amicable terms regarding the shared responsibility of ruling Hell.

It didn’t take much convincing for Caliban to relinquish his prior ambition after learning his rule would end within a day, as the Pagans would have defeated him and taken Earth for themselves. Sabrina’s ability to show him the time loop she was once trapped in gave him a reason to quit the fighting and rule Hell on an equal scale, no questions asked.

Plus, he started to like the bleach blonde witch.

You, on the other hand, felt like you had missed out on the most important plot piece of the greatest film of all time.

While Harvey, Theo, and Roz had known about Sabrina’s secret since her sixteenth birthday, you were left in the dust about the shenanigans that went on around Greendale. You were truly the only mortal with no magic or witch ties, but the other four couldn’t say the same. Sabrina was a witch, Theo’s ancestor Dorothea often visited him in time of need, Harvey’s family had a history of witch hunting (which he does not partake), and Roz’s ability to foreshadow the future with a simple touch proved to be more useful than she had originally thought.

You were a mortal. A regular high school student whose biggest problems were studying for four AP classes every day while balancing cheerleading and other extracurriculars.

It wasn’t until recently that the strangeness came to light. What the Fright Club had failed to mention was that Sabrina had continuously hexed you in order to keep you out of harm’s way by leaving a small bag filled with her Aunt Hilda’s concoctions in your bedroom. It worked its magic when you slept, an invisible blanket covering your eyes that made their strange disappearances seem normal.

But it seems like that hex was fading. Sabrina neglected to change it out every other week due to being preoccupied by Caliban’s yearning, the Dark Lord’s agenda, and Lilith’s drama regarding Hell. Now you sat with wonder and couldn’t help but feel left out of a great adventure that your friends embarked on.

A month had passed since Sabrina and Caliban had made amends. You grew to understand the nature of it and the four filled you in on all you had missed with a guilt hanging over their heads. It was hard to hear and understand, but ultimately you couldn’t hate your best friends for wanting to keep you safe.

You knew not to question Sabrina’s whereabouts if you weren’t able to find her because she was most likely taking care of business down below. You still had yet to meet Caliban and the only information you gathered from him was what the gang caught you up on and Sabrina’s grievances whenever she felt annoyed by him.

“You know, this is all a weird concept,” you said. “I mean, I guess I always had my faith and doubt kept me guessing about what’s really out there, and it’s really out there,” you said, stealing a fry from Theo’s plate. The five of you sat in Dr. Cerberus’s diner and decided you weren’t going to do anything that wasn’t normal for teenagers.

“It still creeps me out,” Harvey admitted. “Hell was worse than I could’ve imagined.”

“Caliban’s got things under control and Lilith’s doing just fine being an advisor,” Sabrina said. “I don’t think she’s mad about the ruling situation anymore. Lucifer’s still doing his bidding but I think they’ve reconnected.”

“That’s...good?”

Sabrina chuckled. “Trust me, it’ll take some getting used to.”

“That is an absolute understatement.”

The door to the diner chimed while you fished inside of your purse for a quarter.

“I’m gonna go pick out a song, any requests?”

“You’re the music genius,” said Roz. You smiled and walked towards the front of the diner.

As you approached the machine and put the quarter inside of the slot, a tall man with sand colored hair loomed over you and watched.

“Can I help you?” you asked.

“Not really. Just observing.” You quirked an eyebrow, not recognizing his face despite knowing everyone in the small town.

“You’re not from here, are you?” you asked.

He chuckled. “Is it that obvious?”

“Greendale’s a pretty small town. It’s easy to spot someone who’s not a local,” you replied.

“Well in that case, I’m not from around these parts. Far from, actually.” He looked at your hand and then the juke box. “What song are you choosing?”

You pried your gaze away from him to look back at the machine and put the coin in the slot, choosing “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” before looking back at him.

“Satisfied?”

The handsome stranger looked at you and didn’t try to hide the face that he was checking you out by letting his eyes look at your body up and down. Not that you minded.

“Very,” he said with a sail try voice before walking around the corner. “The name’s Caliban.”

“Y/N,” you replied. You raised your eyebrow before walking back to the other four and sat down in your previous seat only for the handsome stranger to approach the table.

“Caliban,” Sabrina greeted. “What a lovely surprise.”

“Nice choice,” Roz commented, hearing the song play throughout the diner.

“That’s Caliban, as in the Caliban?” you asked.

“It’s good to know you lot have been talking about me,” he said, crossing his hands over his chest. “I decided to take a break from, you know, and come see what you love so much about Greendale.”

“She knows about Hell,” said Sabrina.

“Funny how I’ve never seen her there, or anywhere with you four, as a matter of fact,” Caliban replied.

“It’s a long story,” you said, sipping on your chocolate milkshake. “Not an important one, though.”

“Contrary,” he began. “You’re the first purely true mortal I’ve met in Hell or otherwise with no ancestral ties to witches or greater magic. That’s pretty important to me.” You blushed, not knowing what to say or do next.

“Is there a reason you’re here?” Harvey asked with a slight attitude. Caliban shifted his focus from you to him, which made your body relax a little bit.

“I didn’t come here for business or to whisk Sabrina away, if that’s what you’re wondering. I’m just here to see what makes Greendale so special, though I think I’m starting to see why.” Caliban spared no expense and was not shy about looking in your direction as he spoke his last statement.

“Don’t even think about it,” Sabrina said sternly. “You are not going to get any ideas, are you?”

Caliban chuckled and put his hands up in defense. “Whatever you say, Sabrina.” He began to walk away but not before turning around and winking at you. “See you around.”

Caliban walked out the door and you didn’t bother asking where he was going next.

“Dear Satan, he’s so annoying,” Sabrina said, exasperated. “It’s like he’s made it his personal mission to make my life, well, a living Hell for lack of a better term.”

“At least he’s not hellbent on defeating you anymore,” Theo reasoned. “I think he’s trying to get to know you a little bit better.”

“And he’s doing it by flirting with my best friend?” Sabrina asked. She put her head on your shoulder and and ate a fry from her plate. “You know I love you, right?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m not saying you need to stay away from Caliban, but you need to be careful around him. At least until we’ve worked together long enough for me to trust him completely.”

“Loud and clear, Brina,” you said. “I still can’t really wrap my head around this whole thing. I can’t watch horror films about Hell and witches the same ever again.”

The Fright Club laughed.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” Harvey said. “I mean, I was pretty apprehensive at first. Remember when Brina and I broke up and I spent every day at your place after school?” You nodded. “That’s when she told me she was a witch. It was kind of hard to wrap my head around until everything with the Pagans and angels happened.” You nodded, soaking in his words. “Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with feeling like you don’t understand. I don’t even understand most of it, if I’m being completely honest.”

“In think that’s enough food for me,” said Roz who pushed her plate to the middle. “Seeing Hell with my own eyes really suppressed my appetite.”

”Oh, shoot,” you said, looking at the clock mounted on the wall. “I have to head home and help my mom. I promised her I’d help clean the kitchen and I’ve got to be home in ten minutes. Can I pay you guys back?”

“Don’t worry about it. See you tomorrow?” said Theo.

“Count on it!”

***

You saw Caliban not long after your first encounter with him. The idea of him being the ruler of Hell (alongside Sabrina) was still a hard concept to understand and you weren’t quite sure if you were supposed to bow in his presence or not.

“Unnecessary,” he said when you asked. Caliban sat across from you at the local coffee shop, offering to walk you when you had caught his eye. You harbored a hot latte and he held a blueberry scone in his hand. “I think you mortals like that glory.”

You shrugged. “Can’t argue with that.”

“Hell doesn’t have formalities when it comes to celebration other than referring to each other by one’s title,” he explained. “It’s just easier that way.”

“You make it seem like Hell’s a relaxed place to be.”

He pinched a piece of his scone off at put it in his mouth, smirking at your statement.

“Oh, far from it. As righteous as demons are, we’re not that shallow.”

“It’s kind of hard to believe you’re made out of clay,” you said, taking a sip of your latte.

“Why do you say that?”

“I dunno,” you said. You reached over the table to poke his bicep. “You seem so real. So human.”

Normally, Caliban would’ve been offended by such a comparison. But he smiled.

“I suppose. I don’t question my creation. I accept it and try to live as adventurously as I can.”

“I hope to,” you said. “Getting out of Greendale, I mean. It’s my biggest dream.”

“You’d want to leave this town?” he asked.

“Well, yeah,” you replied. “I have nothing going for me here. I’m powerless and there’s no reason for me to stay where I’m not needed.”

To his surprise, Caliban felt his heart jolt at your comment. He was wordless for a moment.

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know,” you said. “Maybe somewhere on the west coast. Maybe I’ll still be in New England. College is the perfect opportunity to explore the world and come back home for a few weeks at a time.”

“This is where Lucifer fell, you know,” said Caliban. “The sacred place is hidden deep in the woods where there’s a clearing of rocks and stone. That’s why this place is driven by witches of the Church of Night.”

“I still can’t believe the Devil is walking among us,” you said, shaking your head. “My mom used to force me to go to Sunday school, and I suppose I did have faith. It’s all meta now.”

“Are you still a believer?” he asked.

“I kind of have to be, considering you’re here.”

Caliban smiled.

“Do Heaven and Hell ever interact withe each other?”

“Not exactly,” he began. “We’re on civil relations but don’t want anything to do with each other. They stay up there so long as we stay down here. I’ve never encountered an angel before.”

“You haven’t?”

“They aren’t allowed to come down to Earth unless absolutely necessary,” he explained. “Not really sure why but it’s one of their more important rules.”

“I think I have a headache,” you teased. All of this knowledge about celestial beings truly made your senses adapt to your surroundings in Greendale and you were more than aware of the fact that God was real.

“I should go,” Caliban said, standing up. “I need to escort some souls back to Hell and send some up north.”

“You mean not all souls who are sold to the Devil go to Hell?”

“Sabrina and I negotiated that,” he said. “No more soul-selling. The ones that preexist will be discussed by her and I, and we decide if the punishment is worth the crime. I don’t think someone who sold their soul for a good cause needs to spend all eternity down in Hell. That’s why she comes down there all the time.”

“Huh,” you said at a loss for words.

Caliban smiled. “I’ll see you around, princess.”

***

The next time you see Caliban was with the rest of the Fright Club. He was wearing a linen button down with several buttons popped open, exposing his bare chest with black slacks and white sneakers. His hair was tousled and you swore this was the most human you had ever seen him.

“Ambrose is being a little paranoid and wants me to check out the edge of Greendale for threats,” Sabrina said. “I think he’s just worried about me co-ruling Hell while living on Earth. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“You say that like it’s just another day in Greendale,” you said.

Sabrina shrugged. “I mean, it kind of is.”

“Well, do you need us to do anything?” Roz asked.

“I want you to come with me, if that’s okay. Harvey, Theo, and Y/N, you don’t need to come. I’m sure this is Ambrose being Ambrose.”

“Are you sure, Brina?” Harvey asked.

She waved him off. “It’s fine, really. Roz and I will spend a few hours making sure things are normal and we’ll meet back at my place for dinner? Aunt Hilda’s kind of expecting us.”

“Wouldn’t miss it!” Theo said enthusiastically.

Sabrina gave the group one last smile before she took Roz’s hands and teleported out of the room, which left the four of you.

“I can give you a ride, Theo,” Harvey offered before looking at you. “And you too. I don’t mind driving to the other side of town.”

“I can take her home,” Caliban said. Harvey looked at you and Caliban spoke again, noticing his hesitation. “Part of our deal was that I made sure her friends remain unharmed. That includes Y/N.”

Harvey seemed to accepted this answer and grabbed his keys from his pocket before bidding you a goodbye. He and Theo drove off in his truck before you and Caliban left in the opposite direction.

“So, uh, do you want to come in?” you asked, awkwardly standing by the front door after he insisted on walking you in.

“I don’t mind,” he said. You fumbled with the keys before opening the door with a shaky hand and let him inside. It was the first time you were letting a boy into your home (other than Harvey and Theo, but your relationship with them was strictly platonic) and you felt a little more nervous than usual. After figuring out you had liked Caliban more than you originally expected, there was nothing you could do to stop your heart from beating just a little too fast when we he was around. Him being in your house did nothing to help the situation.

As for Caliban, his usual overwhelming desire for a carnal relationship was nowhere to be found when he stepped into your house. He looked at the white walls decorated with family photos and admired the ones with you as a child. Caliban watched as you put the house keys in a glass dish and followed you to your bedroom.

It was odd, Caliban thought, to feel nothing but tranquility. He was almost always hyperaware of his surroundings and wary of demons and souls roaming past him in Hell, but it was just the two of you. Two bodies under one roof.

“My parents won’t be home until later tonight. N-Not that we have to do anything!” you added. “I just mean they’d freak out because they haven’t met you before.”

Caliban chuckled. “I wasn’t planning on making a move, if that’s what you were wondering.”

You didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed.

“Your room suits you,” he said. Caliban admired the photos on your nightstand and polaroids pinned to a brown board on the wall filled with memories from your past with the Fright Club and other friends and family members. He saw a stack of books beside your bed and a fish tank sitting by the window, your closet doors closed, and decorative pieces that highlighted your personality.

“Thanks,” you said, laying down on your best. “You can sit, you know.”

Caliban took this opportunity to lay next to you. When you felt the bed dip, you averted your eyes to the ceiling.

“What are you thinking about?” Caliban asked after a long pause of silence.

“How fast life changes,” you replied. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, but with all that I know, how can I keep all of this celestial knowledge a secret from my parents? The world is always doubting Heaven and Hell but I know the truth. I don’t know if being purely mortal is helping me out in this situation either.”

“You’re an innocent,” Caliban said, turning his head to look at you. “So pure and clean. Your soul has been untouched by neither light or night and it’s probably the one thing that’s going to save you in the future.”

You turned your head to meet his gaze. “I’m still powerless.”

“Maybe in one way, but not completely. You have no witchcraft magic but you have intelligence and intuition. You know not to meddle with things that aren’t of your concern.”

You were silent.

“What else are you thinking about?”

“How much I like spending time with you,” you confessed. “But it’s hard, you know. You’ll be in Hell most of the time and you’re made of clay, for crying out loud.” Caliban chuckled. “I didn’t really think you’d be around as often as you are.”

Caliban was silent.

“What are you thinking about?”

“You,” he replied. “I’m always thinking about you. I used to think morality was a disease, but it’s not. It’s a rationale, just like any demonic presence.” Caliban moved closed to you.

“I think about what love is and how I don’t know what it really means.”

“I think love means different things to different people,” you said. “I think it’s mutual respect and loyalty. It’s knowing details about someone, big and small. It’s about being together but knowing you can be independent. Love is hard and it takes time. Love is not instant.”

“You’re pretty wise for an innocent,” he said.

You laughed. “Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic.”

“Maybe not.”

Caliban lifted his body to hover above yours, your chests barely touching as his eyes gazed right over your lips. You dared not to move and Caliban hesitantly leaned down further so that your lips barely brushed against one another, the goosebumps on your skin taking affect. Because you weren’t pulling away, he took it as a silent signal and pressed his chaste lips against your soft ones.

There was no spark. No magic and no fireworks. There was only you and Caliban, and there was no other way you would’ve wanted your first kiss to feel like. Time slowed down as Caliban relaxed by your touch and your hands roamed his neck. The cold outdoor air was replaced by the warmth of Caliban’s body and when he pulled away, he let his thumb stroke your cheek as he cupped the side of your face.

“You are, dare I say, an angel.

“That’s a compliment, considering I know how much you despise them.”

He laughed. “Perhaps I’ll make an exception.”

Caliban leaned down once more to press a tender kiss to your forehead and you closed your eyes in bliss, happy to accept the good that came with the craziness of the last month. You looked at his structured jaw and grinned at his loving gaze, letting out a tired laugh.

“Perhaps.”

[glowstickhaloboy]

i’ve committed to my format with raphael!crowley and i’ll die with it, too. AND IM SORRY ITS SO LONG.

(also the show uses he/him pronouns for michael, i believe, and i’ve chosen to do so as well bc i think its neat)

((ALSO, if you have no idea what the context is for this post, its a semi-continuation of this series))

sometimes, there is a gap. gabriel will turn to express a half-thought, and find himself wondering who he meant to speak with. there’s no one there.

three facts have remained for six thousand years: the first maintains that a brother is a brother. the second that a traitor is a traitor. and the third fact concludes that only one of those things may become the other. there is no place for traitors in heaven. and there is no merit in dwelling on thoughts of what is no longer possible.

gabriel likes efficiency--advancements that break no mould. he is the safest bet in any given room. protocol and principles, that’s what he’s made of, and he sticks to them rigidly because it’s... easy. easy as a miracle from the human’s point of view. to break ranks is to break through the mission statement of heaven into a gray area, and the walls upstairs are always freshly painted white. gabriel makes sure of it.

michael likes results. there is nothing more beautiful than a bottom line. bottom line: the world ends. bottom line: the angels win. bottom line: god no longer does the heavy lifting the way angels do, and so what the angel’s do in god’s absence is not to be held against them. they were, after all, stepping into a job they were not qualified to handle with little to no notice. a bottom line is beautiful because it makes simple a messy world.

bottom line: there is mess. bottom line: angels remove the mess.

bottom line: raphael would have complicated that.

no, michael does not miss his fallen sibling. and he refuses to talk about it. and he makes sure that gabriel does not talk about it, either. after all, what is there to talk about? what’s done is done, and they’ve got their hands full juggling someone else’s job, but if they don’t do it, then it isn’t done, and the world ends the bad way. where no one wins because they’re all dead.

gabriel is the leader. michael is the strategist. between them, they can scrounge enough brain power together to cover for raphael, who was meant to be the creative one.

too creative. creative enough to start... asking questions.

too feeling, always too feeling. “passionate” they used to call him. but then what happened, happened, and “passionate” became a roadside cliff in need of a guard rail. michael and gabriel were that guard rail. their fallen sibling was a cautionary tale.

the thing about falling is that sometimes you see it coming, and sometimes it blindsides you. lucifer’s was not a slippery slope, but a gradual and palpable decline. for years before, whenever he’d walk out of a room, the angels left inside would put their heads together and mutter about what’s the almighty going to do about that one. raphael’s, on the other hand, was blink-and-you-miss-it. he was here one day, gone the next. there wasn’t even the time to think about whether you wanted to say goodbye.

(if he decided to be a traitor, after all, then you needn’t regard him as a brother.)

and time went on. despite the shock, the world kept turning, and the stars kept burning, and nobody said raphael’s name. not for six thousand years.

it was hard to keep up with new demons. bad enough having to encourage every baby-faced cherub day-to-day (but not too hard, otherwise they ran the risk of becoming “passionate.” passionate didn’t matter. just loyalty. loyalty keeps heaven heaven.) the first time gabriel hears the name “crowley” he thinks nothing of it.

“a demon?” he asks sandalphon. “check and see who’s available, sort of... low and on the same level. no need to exert the effort of someone actually important on a simple demon.”

sandalphon agrees easily and makes to depart, but gabriel sticks up a hand, thoughtful. hold on.

“aziraphale,” he says. “he’s on earth, isn’t he? have him take care of it. perfect busy work for someone so eager to please.”

sandalphon smiles gold.

meanwhile, michael? michael doesn’t even remember. deleted the name from his mind the second it first entered. unimportant. bottom line: demon.

but after the armageddon that never was, the name finally sticks. and no matter what michael might have said at that demon’s trial, there is nothing more dangerous than an unchecked enemy. he keeps an eye out. and for awhile, there’s nothing out of the ordinary. just a never-was-an-angel and a soon-to-be-demon spending too much time together on a planet that was never theirs.

bottom line: ?

so michael goes to gabriel for help.

“i need to understand what happened between these two,” he says. “make some sense of it. find out how dangerous they really are.”

and gabriel turns to the left, and frowns in thought, like he is surprised to find no one there.

“gabriel?”

“it’s nothing. just a passing... are you sure there is cause for concern? they’re two outcasts. nothing more. no threat to us.”

“i would like to... speak with them.”

“then speak we shall.”

they arrive on earth. it is easy to find aziraphale because he never left the bookshop.

“hold on,” gabriel cautions as they approach the door. the sign says closed. there’s an intimidation as hot as hellfire emanating from it.

“do not let them see your cowardice,” michael chides, and pushes through. bottom line: answers are needed.

the door creaks and cuts off two voices. and two figures appear.

“oh!” says crowley, glancing sideways at aziraphale. “look at that. the gang’s all here.”

aziraphale looks momentarily stunned, which only makes michael’s brain fight harder to understand. he pushes forward.

“crowley. aziraphale.”

aziraphale bristles. “i do believe the sign said closed.”

“we are not here to indulge your human fantasy. we have come to--”

“ask for the towel back?” crowley interrupts. “no good. it’s long gone. i’ll pay for another one. do you take updog currency?”

“what’s updog?” gabriel asks.

“nothing, but i do deserve a high five for that one.”

“not now, dear,” aziraphale whispers to him.

crowley squares his shoulders, glaring through the two archangels. “right, straight to business then. we don’t care why you came. leave now, and we might let you go alive.”

aziraphale begins to react in astonishment, but michael and gabriel beat him to it.

“you should not threaten angels so easily,” gabriel says.

“i’ll do what i want,” says crowley. “fair’s fair, right? i’m just dishing it out as good as i get. doing as you do.”

“crowley,” aziraphale protests.

“where do you get the nerve?” michael all but growls.

“oh, probably from my time in heaven.”

if anyone else in the room were the snake, there would have been hissing. “don’t invoke that holy place,” gabriel says.

“you lost the privilege,” says michael.

“geez!” crowley throws up his hands. “if i didn’t know any better, i’d say this was personal! come on, are we going to forget the past that easily?”

“you have no past.”

“you are forgotten.”

“you’d think we three grew up with me hogging the telly, eh?” crowley asks aziraphale, the same way a zookeeper teaching schoolchildren might ask an obvious question to a turtle.

and michael and gabriel are blindsided.

“oh.” crowley tilts his head. “you really didn’t know. funny, that. almost.”

“it can’t be,” says gabriel.

“impossible,” says michael.

“hello,” says crowley, twirling five fingers, and then settling on showing them just one.

“demon,” says michael.

“oh, yes!” says crowley.

“but also,” says gabriel.

“oh yes...” crowley finishes.

he’s scowling now. darker. his anger crackles into lightning on the street outside, and black wings unfurl like looming shadows. michael and gabriel stare at them as though trying to discern something underneath. an origin to the stain, or a clean patch.

michael blinks first. bottom line: demon. he says, “you will not expect any special treatment from us.”

crowley shakes his head. “i was never special.”

(it may be that gabriel flinches at that. too long ago. too hard to tell.)

aziraphale, certainly, makes a noise at the back of his throat, but crowley shakes his head the slightest amount. an indication to let him handle this.

“you just can’t quit betraying your side, can you?” michael asks. “what did you hope to achieve? you are an abomination. you were cast out for a reason. and you will never be allowed back in.”

gabriel double-takes, but still says nothing. he looks like a man found on the side of the road with no memory of how he got there. lost. confused. aged.

“i don’t want that,” crowley says. “i’m better than that, now.”

“better than heaven? blasphemy,” michael chides.

“demon,” crowley replies.

and gabriel can no longer keep silent.

“you let me speak with you at the human airbase,” he says, agitated, his purple eyes glowing slightly. is he needing to keep his emotions at bay? what could he possibly feel for crowley? surely they were no longer each other’s kin. “we looked each other in the eyes, raphael.”

“crowley,” crowley and michael correct him at the same time.

gabriel looks appropriate aghast at himself. “crowley,” he amends, and then continues, “this is--i mean, you were--you are--this is just evidence of how far one may fall.”

“funny, i was about to say the same to you.”

“you have no authority to judge us!” michael says, seething. “do not forget your place. if you are not an angel now, you never were. not at heart. not truly. give me one good reason not to smite you where you stand.”

aziraphale steps in front of crowley, chin raised high, and says immediately, “i won’t let you.”

“angel, pl--”

crowley puts a gentle hand on aziraphale’s shoulder, but even that, aziraphale shrugs off.

“gabriel,” he says. “perhaps you can understand this. crowley has changed, yes. he is no longer an angel.”

“he doesn’t feel love the way we do,” michael interjects, and crowley’s head pokes out from behind aziraphale.

“when’s the last time you had a warm, fuzzy feeling, then?”

“michael, i believe i must depart,” gabriel says softly. he still looks like he’s been stranded inside a life that he does not call his.

michael says, “yes, do.”

and gabriel disappears.

aziraphale sighs and steps back at crowley’s side, holding crowley’s wrist tightly. crowley takes the hand and squeezes back.

“guess some people just can’t take the heat,” aziraphale mutters.

crowley shrugs. “well, you know what they say. if you can’t take the heat, stay out of the boiling sulphur pools. maybe he did what’s right by him. maybe seeing me just scared him a little too badly.”

“angels fear nothing,” says michael, even as his eyes hint toward something different. his jaw works. he takes a moment to control himself and then asks, “is this how you were able to withstand the holy water?”

aziraphale quietly snorts. crowley squeezes his hand again, this time in warning, and says, “you didn’t really think i was going to answer that one, did you? and might i remind you that all i asked that day was to be left alone.”

“you may think you still belong in this world,” says michael, shaking his head and glaring at their conjoined hands, “but you do not. and aziraphale, one day you will pay dearly for your choices. fear the future. for when that day comes, you, too, will be erased from heaven. anditcan’tcometoosoon.”

the breath rushes out of him, and michael, too, is gone.

the bookshop stands sturdy and proud. crowley swings up his and aziraphale’s hands, kissing the back of aziraphale’s, and loudly declares, “well, that was dramatic. weren’t we going to go and look at a cottage this afternoon, love?”

[sunflowerspectre]

Of Strange Brothers | Dungeons and Dragons Commission

This commission was for KiwiToast, of her original D&D characters.

Dungeons and Dragons

Original Character Commission

Summary:

A series of scenes shot throughout the Mistletoe Strangers Series focusing on Alagarthesis and Neronvain.

Requested Word Count: 2k - 5k

Final Word Count: 2026

Also on A03

Of Strange Brothers

Neronvain’s heart is beating wildly against his chest to the beat of the music inside of the castle. He has successfully glided through the many patrons of the ball, blending in seamlessly into the crowd. His pace has been quick, but even and steady as to not draw too much attention to himself. He would have gotten too many looks if he had just darted away or ran, especially if he was seen running away from the mistletoe where (despite being masked) the very recognizable Desire had been. 

He glances around often, a paranoia creeping up his spine. With no sign of anyone, nevertheless Desire, he rests against the balcony’s banister. An odd sensation of disappointment rises his chest. He swallows it down; it is better for both of them if she does not find him, right?

He really should stop listening to that womanizing, romantic brother of his, but how was he supposed to say no? When he saw her standing there under the mistletoe, just waiting, the very image of beauty, for the first time in a long time, he had found himself acting before thinking. Which is new, and more than a bit dangerous. 

“Sooo how was it?” 

Algatheris’ cheeky voice rings, causing Neronvain to curse. He turns to see a grin stretching out across his brother’s face, akin to a cat that ate the canary. His eyes are twinkling with an aura of happiness and giddiness, a stark contrast the sense of doom that has been settling around Neronvain.

“How was what?” 

Algatheris tsk’, “Don’t get coy with me, you kissed her, so tell me, how was it? Was it romantic? Deep? French?”

“It was a kiss,” Neronvain states simply, keeping his voice simple and to the point as he turns his back to his brother, “A kiss that I shouldn’t have let you sway me to do.”

Algatheris sputter, “Sway? Me? If you recall dear brother, I did not say a single word about kissing her. I simply told you that she was there. The kiss is all your making.”

Neronvain opens his mouth, an argument on the tip of his tongue before he swallows his words. He closes his mouth and focuses on the starlight that drips through the sky. The temptation of screaming in frustration growing, he lets out a huff. 

Algatheris pats him on the back sharply, taking the breath from his lungs, but rubs it in a comforting manner. He leans over beside him, his hand now draping around Neronvain’s shoulders to bring him in close.

“Do you regret it,” Algatheris asks, his voice dropping its usual aloofness.The somberness of his tone makes Neronvain pause. He looks to his brother, but Algatheris’ eyes are on the skyline with a wistful, knowing gleam to them. A smile graces Algatheris’ lips. Not the cheeky grin he gives when he knows he’s gotten away with something. It’s not the boastful grin of a man who won his trophy nor the teethy, flashy grin that he flashes to everyone who looks his way. It’s too somber. The grin you give when a grandmother holds your hand on her dying breath. It’s sincere, loving, but unsure of what’s going to happen next.

Neronvain is quiet for a moment. The silence covering them both as the music behind them begins to blur out of focus as their minds become preoccupied.

The kiss could have bad consequences. Neronvain can’t even begin to imagine what would happen if Desire finds out that it was him. She could get mad and even refuse to speak to him again. She could kick him out of their traveling party. She could steal his wallet out of revenge. Their kiss brings more cons than pros, yet...

He can still taste her on his lips. Her lips were a bit dry and he could tell exactly how much she had drank, but her lips were warm. Warm enough to light a fire that he is still trying to dwindle. 

“No, no I don’t.”

Algatheris’ grin stretches as he pats Neronvain on the shoulder, “Then that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

Neronvain doesn’t answer him, wishing that it is as simply as that.

#####

Theoretically, the idea of watching them from the windows should have also meant that he could hear them. He couldn’t. He watches as Desire drinks - and drinks and drinks - with his brother. The dusting of pink on her cheeks when a hand grazes hers at the first drink. The words that seem to flow easily from her lips as his brother nods and listens. It isn’t as if Desire never talked to him; at times, she talked too much. It isn’t as if she never listened to; there are maybe five times he remembered where she did. But this is different. He can feel it.

Neronvain scrambles, a tad more ungracefully than any ‘prince’ should, away from the window as Desire quickly approaches the door. The idea of staying there, having her confront him, played only for a moment in his mind before his usual confidence falters just enough for him to make a dive for a hiding spot.

He watches as Desire leaves his brother’s abode, half drunk and dazed. She misses the step by the door and he twitches, almost going to help her, but why should he when Algatheris isn’t too far behind? When Algartheris is the one she goes to? When his brother is the one she spills all her concerns too? When apparently she’s oh so close to his brother?

Neronvain waits until she is gone before he approaches the door himself. His hand hovers over the door, but stops before it hits the wood as the door swings open. Algatheris leans against the door frame, casually, with a grin stretching across his face and a gleam in his eyes. 

“You need to learn how to hide better if you don’t want her to see you,” Algatheris comments.

His never-faltering grin only causes Neronvain’s bitterness to grow. It makes Algatheris seem as if he knew something that Neronvain didn’t, as if he knows everything. The sour sensation in his mouth made it harder to admit what he wants to say. Neronvain crosses his arms against his chest and other than a small twitch beginning to form at the corner of his lips, his face remained stoic.

“Why would I worry about her seeing me?”

“You tell me, you’re the one hiding.”

Algatheris watches his brother closely, a more calculating look in his eye. He knows his brother waited outside for quite a while, but he isn’t sure about how much he could really hear.

Neronvain scowls deeply like a pouting child, “I was not hiding.”

“Ah yes, because we all hide within the bushes for fun,” Algatheris laughs, “If you want to make amends, you are more than welcome to come in for a drink….”

His laughter dwindles off as he leans forward with a wink, “...But if you want my opinion, you should stop hiding and go after her before someone else does.”

Neronvain looks closely for any signs of what his brother really means by that statement; what exactly is he implying? Algatheris simply blinks innocently, as if he never implied anything at all, as he waits for a response. 

“I suppose I should make sure that she doesn’t get eaten on her way back to camp after all the drinks you gave her.”

There’s an accusing tone to his voice that Algatheris ignores, grinning, as he watches Neronvain finally depart after her. He can hear the way his brother continues to grumble under his breath, I was not hiding.

#########

It’s been too long since Algatheris has heard from his brother. He rereads the last letter he received, detailing a close call with an ambush on his party’s last trip. It doesn’t say much, other than it being too close for comfort and that it could have been prevented if he was paying attention. There’s a vague mention of Desire, something about her being stupid for almost getting killed. Something that, while worrying him, does make him smile. Neronvain has always had a strange way of showing he cared.

He hopes that rereading it will ease his fears, remind him that if Neronvain is well enough from that ‘close call’ to write a letter, then he is sure to be fine. He had already sent his best wishes, along with five feet of parchment reminding his brother to be careful. Maybe he never got a reply back, but it usually took a while for Neronvain to reply.

But it shouldn’t take this long. 

He wonders how bad Desire’s wounds are - if her almost getting killed meant something that could kill her later. He’s always liked her - she’s funny, makes interesting conversation, stirs up trouble, and makes his brother happy. She’s his friend. 

But she is much more than that to his brother. If something happened to her, if she passed due to her wounds, then he can imagine why Neronvain isn’t sending any letters. It would destroy his brother, as much as he would never admit it, if she got killed. He can’t even begin to imagine what his brother would do - well perhaps he could, but that thought process definitely doesn’t help his fears.

Months go by and each day, each hour, he gets more worried. 

He gets a letter the day before he’s ready to head out himself to find his brother; his duties be damned if his brother needs him. He already had a bag half-packed sitting in his bedroom and maps thrown about his desk as he decided on a route that would take him close to where his brother’s letter was sent from. But all those maps are tossed aside when he gets a letter with his name neatly written in his brother’s handwriting across the top of the parchment. 

His heart is about to beat out of his chest, unsure of what he is about to read. He likes to think it will be good news -  receiving this letter at all eases his worst fears. He takes a deep breath, not even bothering to sit down to read it. He carefully runs a thumb over the seal, noting the familiar wax seal of Desire’s horns. He swallows thickly, his stomach turning as he steadies his hands. 

The letter should be good news, yet this small detail. This little symbol of wax is making his stomach turn. Desire never really sends letters, not formally, and as such she doesn’t typically use her stamp (a stamp, he remembers, that Neronvain got for her). He vaguely recalls Neronvain being upset when he found out that it was shoved deep inside of her belongings, never to see the light of day unless she had to write formal letters - things like business, parties, and funerals. Using her stamp, but knowing his brother’s handwriting, worries him more than hearing no response.

He hesitantly breaks the seal and scans over the letter carefully. The more he reads, the more his worries turn into happiness, his face breaking out into a grin. 

“Son of a bitch,” he whispers under his breath.

There are a few paragraphs at the end that are also in her writing, her swirling and unsteady letters contrasting against the strict, calligraphy hand of Neronvain. Unlike Neronvain, she writes more casually and some of her words are scratched out and their corrections written in smaller writing above it. There’s a few careful words chosen, cautious phrases that new lovers use, as if they don’t want to scare the other off. A few little notes that Desire wrote, added in little letters with arrows at Neronvain’s paragraphs. Desire even signs her name next to Neronvain’s. 

He has to say, they really did a hell of a job getting their message across. His heart swells in his chest, happiness blooming for his brother. 

“They finally did it.”

Interested In A Commission?

[kurtty-drabbles]

Hanaki desease

N/A: Ok, I´m too lazy to check out what are Jubilee´s favorite songs so I created a band for this reason.

@djinmer4 @augment-techs @raainstorms @lesdernierssous

The room smells like brimstone and beers. It could be easily mistaken for Logan´s room if a tall, built blue man who is using it spandex tail to hold the ceiling to be upside down and read a book.

Disdain and boredom morph into his face as red eyes trying to comprehend the plot that judging by this particular reader, the plot seems non-existent.

“Knock, knock” an amused and feminine voice snap the blue reader back to reality “ what are you reading? 50 shades of grey? Did I corrupt Kurt Darkholme?” the woman eyes shines in mischievous and playfully.

“Hilarious, Kitty, are you aiming to be a comedian?” asked in a blasé style and the reply received the awestruck comeback of Kitty Pryde showing her pink tongue to him.

“If you truly want to know…I´m reading a romance novel and it is really bad. I´ve 100% that this Rachel is incredibly gay for this Amy, but out of nowhere, Rachel is dating this Joe…” this tone is a bit belligerent.

“Is called queerbaiting, Kurt, it exists in every dimension, this one, our dimension and many others ” And finally Kurt let go of the upside down position.

“Well, it was a waste of time” his eyes gaze at her leather outfit and there´s a naughty smile “ there better things we can do”

“True, but dinner is ready and Wolverine makes sure we all be present"give a pointed look at Kurt,” He said and I quote ‘If I have to bring the Elf´s ass here I will’ end quote,“ says gently as Kurt doesn´t like to be called Elf.

This new dimension Kurt Wagner and Kurt Darkholme aren´t exactly best friends neither are enemies. Two Germans and one of them is a Catholic and the other is an atheist.

This new dimension has now two Kitty Pryde. One with long curly hair and the other with short curly hair (and an occasional gutless as weapon and accessory.)

"Hate when he calls me elf” Kurt is a bit angry but not as in the first times Wolverine called him like that.

“I know, but he is adamant in calling you elf and me …half print” a swear word, pretty nasty, escape her lips as she gives a mini-speech as why this nickname bothers her.

Well, you´re short. thought Kurt. But the “not” Elf is smart to not say out loud.

Kitty approaches Kurt, for a moment, Kurt Darkholme thought in mention about the catwalk, sadly Kitty does not like puns and she looks too distracting wearing this outfit leather(Is it on purpose? Maybe)

They are facing each other, brimstone and strawberry mixture in the air, gentle and smaller finger are gingerly touching his outfit as she pretends to give bow an invisible tie.

There´s something so domestic, silly and intimate about all this. Kurt doesn’t dare to make cat puns yet.

“I talk with Cable this morning, this dimension Cable, I think, and he told us that Apocalypse won´t come after us,” says gravelly" we´re safe and as for our dimension…it is safe but do you want to come back?“

"To what? There´s nothing for us there anymore and I …I´m so tired” confess with intense in his voice. She nods gentle touching his face(no rebuking or protest, but Kitty always touches him gentle, something so unusual for him) and resume the conversation.

“Kurt, their Bobby will be here as well, remember what we all talk about it?” inquiry Kitty trying to not laugh.

Kurt rolls his eyes and repeats the words he knows by heart.“This Bobby is not evil, don´t kill him or project your hate to an innocent Bobby” and somehow Kurt pouts.

“Good boy” snickers remembering Kurt Wagner and other Kitty along with the others X-men explaining this to Kurt Darkholme.

“And if he is in the dining room?” Kurt asked curiously. They both know how this person is and how much this Kitty wants to avoid him. It is a bad joke, she escapes from one Pete, to immediately found another in this dimension that is just like the other.

“Well, I have my weapon” tries to joke but Kurt has none of this “I´ll be fine Kurt, I promise”

Kurt is not entirely convinced but decides to accept her word. Using his tail wrapped around her(a hey was the only word emitted by Kitty) and with a brimstone smoke, Kitty and Kurt are now in the dining room.

Everyone is in the dining room talking about anything, although Kurt Darkholme will never admit, the sensation of safety and joy that this dimension provides is more than enough for Kurt.

Kurt Wagner and the other Kitty are on a mission. Good news to Darkholme that won´t have to suffer from bad jokes and bible references anymore.

Jubilee seems to be one of the few people that happily chats with the interdimensional couple. Her baby, Shogo Lee, safely tug in the baby carrier as the woman wave to them.

“Good night,” says and it seems her son has the same mood as his mother “Miss Monroe did the cooking and Wolverine helps, which means beer to everyone”

Kurt Darkholme doesn´t know what to say to Jubilee, however, Kitty seems to enjoy talking with the other woman. The young woman´s fangs are easily spotted by anyone and the interdimensional couple often wonder if they should ask how she becomes a vampire.

The conversation carries on, until Kitty spot the chair that Pyotr aka Pete usually sits is empty. It wouldn´t be such a problem if some people could stop giving funny looks to Kitty. As she knows why he is not there.

Kurt Darkholme did notice the funny stares as well. To reward such attempts the “not” Elf thought it would be best to send one of his trademark smiles to the group. It always works like a charm and the little group stopped instantly.

Jubilee notices the funny expressions and soon the mood change abruptly. In an attempt to lighten things up, Jubilee decides to tell her origins.

“Oh, Do I never tell you guys how I become a vampire?” Kurt and Kitty shake their head and if they thought she would be offended, this statement was proved wrong.“Ok, all start with what I like to call: the Ballad of Jubilee”

“Well, thanks for telling us”

“No, problem. By the way, do you guys like music? Because the 0´7 is promoting their new single” says a proud Jubilee with her baby that seems equally proud of said band “is one of the first bands with a full mutant cast and their songs are amazing”

“The only song we did listen on our dimension was the softly sounds of death” Kitty and Jubilee just side eye Kurt “and also, Jimmy Buffet, somehow Jimmy Buffet survive the apocalypse”

The explanation was long and the couple feels like it was a saga with some plot holes, overall, they finally learn how Jubilee turned into a vampire.

And of course, they eat. Bobby sits as far away as possible of Kurt Darkholme that may or may not sound too intimidating on purpose whatever Bobby said or did anything. Again, no one can prove anything.

Wolverine drinks beer. Ororo demonstrates once again one of her many skills, offering a piece of her delicious pie to Kurt and Kitty, and the new kids are chatting about homework and cute boys/girls.

Mr.MCcoy enter the room with a solemn expression and asked Kitty if he could talk with her alone, Kurt may be biased, after all, he did face an evil version of the Beast, but something in this request didn´t settle well with him.

Neither does with Kitty. But after the kind doctor(Kurt and Kitty still are deciding if he is indeed a kind doctor) insists vehemently Kitty agrees and Kurt did follow along.

“Maybe you guys were wondering where´s Pete was in the last few days?” asked Hank McCoy trying to figure out how to explain the situation. To be fair, the Doctor never saw anything remotely alike.

“Not really,” both said in unison.

“Oh” he should expect this answer “well, it seems that Pete is suffering the Hanaki disease” Kurt arch an eyebrow having no idea what this means and Kitty clearly has no idea what is going on.

“It means he will cough petals and dies because of a one-sided love” it was blunt and maybe not the best way to describe or explained, but, again, to be fair, the doctor has no idea of what to say here.

“I´ve some question how someone coughs petals? why one side love? there´s magical users in this dimension…and what that has to do with us?” asked Kitty impatiently.

“Well…I was hoping” couldn´t finish as Kitty give one of her death glare.

“That I would go back to him? I was married to a Pete in my dimension and it was horrible and I don´t wish to repeat the experience, also, this Pete knows the Kitty from this dimension and I think, no, I believe this Pete is settling to the second best”

“Kitty, he will die,” says Hank once again.

“Yeah? well the Pete of my dimension did let thousands of kids being murder, this Pete mentally abuse the Kitty of this universe and if he is going to die coughing petals, then have fun”

“Beside” surprisingly Kurt amends" he is an X-men. Death never got a hold of us. So, maybe a little time out will do good for him"

Kitty refuses to see Pete. And Kurt is ready to assume that this Doctor McCoy is not kind. Maybe, some may think Kitty´s attitude was cold(hence why the funny staring) but the woman decided a long time ago to not repeat the same mistake she did in her own universe.

“This is a time for a new begin,” says tiredly after the dinner, after the meeting with McCoy finally ends, to a disheveled Kurt.

“Yes, I just have one question: How someone coughs petals? Is that the stupidest thing ever or the creepiest?”

“Kurt, we´re X-men I think at this point we just have to let it go from logic, sometimes”

“But, Katzchen, is petals…how petals can kill you?”

“I´ve no idea”

“This is so stupid or maybe creepy”

Pete remains in the hospital alley coughing petals much to Doctor McCoy astonishment and surprise. Soon everyone did found out about the Hanaki disease and no one knows for sure if this is the stupidest thing ever or the creepiest.

[bronyinabottle]

FAME AND MISFORTUNE THOUGHTS

Welp, it's time to dive into a bit of controversy

This episode while I can't say it's the most controversial episode I still notice that there's a decent amount of uproar about it. And it's pretty easy to see why that is. It's an episode that lampoons the fanbase or at the very least a certain part of the fanbase. Depending who you are you could either find it entertaining and be able to laugh at ourselves in regards to just how meta this episode gets or you're offended personally and think the writers and hasbro just gave you the middle finger with this episode.

Personally, I'm in the former in that I enjoyed this episode though I do understand why some might not like some things in the episode. Cause some of the parts of the episode may have some unintentional implications that may make it seem they have a problem with the more older fans. So I'll get this out of the way first, the staff and Hasbro love us. The fact they made episodes like Slice of Life alone should be proof of that. This episode is essentially just a little bit of airing of grievances for certain parts of the fanbase that either have had less then unkind words for the writers or a somewhat unpopular opinion and/or strong on one side of a particularly fandom splitting issue.

Though I think to some degree every one of us fans have said something or at least withhold an opinion that probably would count as one of the petty complaints the fans in this episode say. I'm pretty sure I've probably said something that would probably come out as petty to others. I'm not going to say that everything I've said about this show whether it was a positive or negative opinion on an episode was entirely on a strong basis. Cause that'd be arrogant of me, but there are those who ARE kinda that arrogant about their opinions, and adding a few more groups of the fanbase that are similarly annoying, it's exactly what the episode intends to lampoon.

Changing subject a little, this episode seemed to be made by M.A. Larson. Albeit there's a little bit of a asterisk on that. Considering while yes the episode is credited solely to M.A. Larson. It sounds like the episode was an old script of Larson's that was written anytime after Season 4 but probably before Season 6. And over time it's been left collecting dust until the staff decided to bring it over to Season 7. Making some changes to it so it reflects the season. So it's a little confusing since we don't know exactly how much of Larson's script was kept and what was changed. So it could very well be true that the original version of this episode was written before Amending Fences. And if so that still kinda counts Amending Fences as M.A. Larson's final episode for the show. But nonetheless it got me hyped to know M.A. Larson was even a little bit behind this episode for certain. And at least in my eyes didn't disappoint.

But time to actually talk about the episode proper. Now the episode begins with two fillies fighting. I'll get a little more about them later towards the end. But it's very much related to when I mentioned there may be some unintentional implications about the message of this episode.

It's neat seeing the journal from Season 4 again. Season 4 still stands as my favorite season of the show and aside from one certain episode, I appreciate any callbacks to such.

Starlight has the ability to make perfect (And more clean for that matter) copies of books. But of course we also get the mention that the original use for it was to make copies of a manifesto that we can imagine was used for that village. So… some awkward dark stuff.

Annnnnd that hopscotch scene mentioned that certain episode I mentioned in the Season 4 thing… Admitedly, I was like "Noooo anything but that episode". But eh it's just another opportunity for me to laugh at myself regarding the subject of this episode heh heh.

The scene with the two ponies who dislike Rarity and later the anti-rarity fans (Even with signs and such) represent fans who like the show and even most of the main cast. But absolutely despise one of the 6 that they wish that they'd write them out of the show. I'm pretty sure there's a group of people in the fanbase that are like that for each of the Mane 6. And I've seen people who are like that to a particular character. Though an interesting tidbit about this scene is that apparently they mention something that happened in a comic. Which means this is the first time something from the comics were explicitly mentioned. Does that suddenly mean the comics are canon? Welllllll that's a bit of a muddied subject there. As certainly now we must see that particular issue (I believe it was mentioned to be issues #30 and #31) to be canon but then you have comics like the one where Sombra is reformed but in the show he's pretty much dead as a doornail. A reformed Sombra would be kinda an important thing to mention canonically, even if the reformation in said comic is actually seen as possibly the worst villain redemption in the franchise (And given how much this show has had some controversy about reformed villains that's saying a lot)

Pinkie's part is kinda a direct contrast to Rarity in it's a positive reception from the fans. But kinda misconstrued. It's kinda like Pinkie's a famous comedian, and she's been invited to a party but not to perform. Yet people going to said party expect the comedian to be doing funny stuff and wisecracks the whole time. So they watch them attentively and laugh at things they say even if it's not a joke because they think the person's there for entertainment. It could also be seen as what some people say about sitcoms of having the laughter at lines that aren't actually funny.

Rainbow's is pretty much the polar opposite of Rarity's where they adore a character where they're only interested in that character's episodes and/or those fans who'd guilt trip them saying "You wouldn't want to disappoint your fans would you?". Considering Parental Glidance, we know Rainbow's had enough blind devotion in her life and at least family would be more understanding and loving then fans.

And oh, oh, oh, ohhhhhhh that Fluttershy scene. I could swear I've seen the complaints about Fluttershy word. for. word. Saying all her lessons are the same, thinking they'd learn more then Fluttershy is, and even when Fluttershy does stand up for herself she's no longer the Fluttershy they like. The kind of hypocrisy that makes fans completely miss the point about Fluttershy's character. It takes more then one lesson to get over some of the anxieties and shyness Fluttershy had early on. And it's easy to see a clear difference between the Fluttershy of recent seasons compared to how she was earlier in the show. I'm pretty sure all fans of Fluttershy got this scene to heart for many reasons.

Meanwhile back at Rar- OH GEEZ the insanity of the face she had xD Been a little while since we've had a real crazy pony face.

The part where the press pony asks Twilight questions can be kinda considered Twilight's part in all of this and kinda represents on how real life celebrities get criticized when it seems unbelievable when other celebrities are friends with them because either they have opposite opinions on some issue (Usually politics, religion, or otherwise) or personality difference. And even when you post things that have actually happened some people might decry some things as if tt was a work of fiction. You can be friends with someone who disagrees with you on something, when both you and your friends are well-known enough that their thoughts on things are public knowledge and they happen to be the opposite of another it becomes difficult to understand for some people why they're friends when the public paparazzi don't put into account that there's more to a friendship then that.

And after a few more meta statements from the crowd including "Are AJ and Pinkie related or not" and "Twilight was better before she got wings" (Oh boy was that one said) we get the song of the episode. We're Not Flawless certainly isn't going to win any best song of the show awards but it certainly has a strong message and decently catchy. Each of the Mane 6 have their flaws and those same flaws aren't just what keeps them interesting it's what makes their friendship and interactions interesting too. They all have moments where we hoped they'd do something different or made a bad decision and it's fine to show how some feel by criticizing when an episode has something like that happen but when it comes to having it break the show for show or thinking it doesn't make any sense for the characters to be friends you start sounding less like a fan especially if you start forgetting that for every one of those there is also a good decision, awesome moment, or genuinely great interaction between the characters. Also the line "We're a work in progress" can also be something for how even after the characters have reached their new goals why they have more episodes for the Mane 6 because there's absolutely no way even after so many episodes this show has had we have reached all the potential stories we could share between a combination of the 6. Even with goals reached that just adds more things to potentially do. Eventually the show will end and probably even then there will be so many potential stories that the show wouldn't be able to get to. Even now the ponies are a work in progress that are constantly learning things and that's why the show is still generally focused on the Mane 6 even if as of recent there has been focus on some new characters like Starlight. Bringing in new characters also add some new situations to do with the Mane 6, but it was the Mane 6 that brought us into the show. And this show is going to end with them too.

Buuuuut even after the song it doesn't please the crowd. And that's the way with fanbases. It was an unappeasable part of the fanbase. Heck you could even say whatever controversy and drama comes out of this episode was predicted by the episode itself because the crowd might be saying the exact things that people who disliked this episode are saying. Basically proving the episode's point. (One thing I kind of wish would of happened though is having one fan who absolutely adores one of the Mane 6 to say "But I think you're flawless, (*insert whichever character they adore*)" as an alternate way of not getting the song's point)

And the ending where the two fillies from the start come back is what I mentioned about what some people might take the wrong way as the staff and Hasbro saying they prefer the children fans over the adult fans. Which I can kinda understand as an unintentional message. But there were kids amongst the annoying fans, and while maybe it would of been a little more fair to maybe have a few adult fans with the kids also there to say they were genuinely touched by the book. I don't think they're trashing all adult fans. As I said before, they love us, there is absolutely no doubt about that. One episode like this isn't going to erase all the support and pleasant moments between fans and members of the staff. Just sometimes there were interactions that WEREN"T so pleasant. And this episode is a bit of an airing of grievances of moments like that. It's an episode that's full of truth, and depending how you react to some fandom truths especially negative ones will be the main thing that decides if you can find a way to like the episode.

I for one know the fandom isn't perfect and many of the things in the episode I remember being said in the episode. Sometimes even word for word. And full knowledge that I've probably said something that could be seen as petty as some of the complaints in this episode. But I can look myself in the mirror and laugh at myself. This is an entertaining episode that lampoons certain parts of the fandom, absolutely the most meta episode of the show. And yet another good episode of Season 7. It's going to offend some and there's an understandable reason why. But there's certainly one thing no one can say about this episode: It lied.

[tomeandflickcorner]

OUAT Episode Analysis- The Final Battle

 Well, this was an interesting episode.  I can’t say I completely hated it.  Sure, there were some points I think fell flat, and I certainly would have liked it if it played out differently at parts.  But, for what it was, I suppose it was okay.

The episode begins right when Black Fairy’s Dark Curse hits, during the reception after Emma and Killian’s wedding. When the smoke cloud clears, Henry finds himself lying alone on the rooftop, The Storybook lying nearby.  As he navigates the town, he discovers he can’t locate his family everywhere.  When he sees Archie, he tries to question him about what happened.  But he quickly finds out that Archie’s memory has been altered by the new Dark Curse.

Simply put, the Black Fairy has made everyone remaining in Storybrooke believe everything that occurred from the end of S1 onwards never happened.  When Henry ate the poisoned turnover, he fell into a coma, but was eventually revived due to Dr. Whale and his staff.  But because Emma had begun to believe Henry’s talk about curses and magical lands, she’s lived the past few years in the mental hospital.  And the Black Fairy, now going by her original name of Fiona, has instilled herself as the mayor of Storybrooke and Henry’s adoptive mother in place of Regina.

However, Henry has been able to escape the curse’s memory alteration.  Either because he was protected by his current Author status or because he’s the Truest Believer.  It’s never really stated which.  When he seeks out Emma at the mental hospital, he tries to convince her of the truth.  But the curse has left Emma convinced that Henry’s story is just a childish fantasy, and she just wants to get better so she can be released from the mental hospital and be a proper mother to her son.  Funny thing is, watching this made me think of that crazy theory that some fans were having, that this show would go the route of St. Elsewhere.  (For those of you who don’t know, St. Elsewhere was an American medical drama TV show from the 1980s.  In the final episode, it’s revealed the entire show was fabricated product of an autistic child’s fantasy.)  I can’t help but wonder if A&E were addressing that theory in this episode.

Things get a bit more complicated when the Black Fairy/Fiona interrupts Henry’s meeting with Emma and confiscates The Storybook.  After sending Henry away, Fiona, with the aid of Archie, tells Emma that if she really wants to get ‘better,’ she needs to help Henry put an end to his childish delusions.  And to do that, she must burn The Storybook.  Because doing so would indicate Emma’s acceptance that the stories within the book aren’t true.  However, even though she doesn’t remember anything that happened after Henry ate the poisoned turnover, Emma is exceedingly reluctant to destroy The Storybook, as she knows how much it means to Henry, and she doesn’t want to hurt him like that.  But Fiona insists that keeping The Storybook around is what’s hurting Henry more, and that he needs to grow up and accept reality.

This is when it gets a bit strange. While Emma and Henry were left behind in Storybrooke, Snow, Charming, Baby Neal, Killian and Regina were all transported to the Enchanted Forest.  More specifically Snowing’s old castle.  And my CS heart leapt when Killian’s first instinct was to check for Emma. Although, my heart was also breaking for him, considering he must have been having the worst sort of déjà vu. After all, this isn’t the first time he’s woken up in a completely new location and finding Emma wasn’t at his side despite his last memory was of holding her or her hand.  This is exactly how the Dark Swan arc began for him. Snow is able to keep it together, and reassures Killian and Regina that they’ll be able to find Emma and Henry.

Even though it was established in 3x17 that only Emma was powerful enough to use mirror magic to look between worlds, Snowing, Regina and Killian are able to look in on the conversation between Emma and Fiona, when Fiona was trying to convince Emma to burn the book. While everyone is clearly agitated over how they can’t get to Emma, (and how the Black Fairy is taunting them as it’s obvious she knows they’re watching), Snow instantly realizes that this was the final battle that they’d been warned about.  It wasn’t a physical battle like they thought it was.  It was an internal battle for Emma’s soul.  The Black Fairy’s goal is to make Emma stop believing in magic. Why?  Well, the answer is revealed with Zelena suddenly appears on the scene, along with a group of Munchins.  When asked how she got there, Zelena shows them a replica of Jefferson’s old magic hat.

And this is when my inner continuity checker’s ire is raised up another notch.  According to Zelena, Jefferson had backup magic hats.  Which is just ASININE!  I know it’s been ages since we’ve seen Jefferson on the show, but wasn’t the whole point to his storyline the fact that he was stranded in Wonderland because he couldn’t get another magic hat to get him back home to Grace?  And then we had Charming’s angst over how the original hat got destroyed, thereby preventing him from using it to get Emma and Snow back from the Enchanted Forest.  Now you’re telling me that Jefferson had a collection of backup magic hats this whole time?!  No. I’m calling horsebunk on this!

ANYWAY, regardless of that plot inconsistency, Zelena states that, while she wound up back in Oz, the land suddenly began to fall into an apocalyptic state.  And when she takes the Nevengers into the Hall of Door Portals with Jefferson’s hat, it’s revealed that Oz has been completely erased from existence.  It turns out that, for some reason, all the magical realms in existence were sustained by the belief of the Savior.  As long as the Savior is somewhat open to the existence of magic, the magical worlds are safe.  But, if Emma completely gives up on the possibility of magic and happy endings, the magical worlds will be destroyed.  Which seems like an odd direction to go in.  From what I can piece together, the Savior mantle only came into existence when Baby Rumple was born.  And, when Mama Black Fairy used the sheers on her baby, thereby separating him from the Savior mantle, other individuals, such as Aladdin and Emma, were magically chosen at random to try and fill in the void.  If that’s the correct understanding, that means there were magical realms long before the Savior mantle came into existence.  What was keeping the magical lands alive back then?  Guys, I think my brain is starting to hurt.  I always seem to put more thought into these plotlines than the writers do.  I gotta stop that!

Now that they know that Emma’s growing doubt is causing magical lands to blink out of existence, the Nevengers realize they have to reach her to stop her from giving up hope.  Killian is quick to step forward, stating he has an idea. But Regina dismisses him without bothering to listen to his idea, on the grounds that magical problems should be her category, and no one else’s.  Which was really a jerk move on her part.  Just a suggestion, Regina.  Maybe you should try listening to an idea before you decide to disregard it.  Of course, Killian is not about to let Regina’s snub deter him, so he proceeds to go along with his idea anyway, walking off without a word.

Killian’s idea is soon revealed to be obtaining a magical bean from atop the beanstalk.  The very same beanstalk that he and Emma climbed back when they’d first met.  This might seem like an odd idea, as it was clear from their last visit atop the beanstalk that the Land of the Giants was decimated, and the bean fields destroyed. But I guess the Black Fairy’s curse had restored the magical lands to their former glory.

Before Killian can start to climb the beanstalk, it’s revealed that Charming saw him leave and decided to follow him.  Which leads to a really great Captain Charming mini-adventure, which is probably one of the highlights of the episode.  Starting with Killian telling Charming about his first adventure with Emma.  He even gives a whole passionate account of how he and Emma both fought for their love, and how they made each other better. Guys, this whole subplot is really beautiful.  Killian really leaves no room to question his sheer devotion and love for Emma.  And it’s glaringly obvious that he doesn’t care what it takes, he is going to get home to his wife.  Charming is clearly moved by Killian’s tangible love for Emma, so he agrees to accompany Killian up the beanstalk.

When they reach the Land of the Giants, we get a bit more Captain Charming epicness.  Theorizing there might be a magic bean atop a dining table, Killian insists on being the one to go up and retrieve it.  He tells Charming that Emma may be his and Snow’s daughter, but she’s also his wife.  (Dare I mention how much I loved it to hear Killian repeatedly refer to Emma as his wife?) To Killian’s surprise, Charming doesn’t argue, and when Killian asks if Charming is really trusting their future to a pirate, Charming is all ‘no, I trust my son.’  Even though Charming is quick to amend his statement by adding in ‘in-law,’ it’s really too late.  He’s gone and called Killian his son, which is like the ultimate level of acceptance of a father to his daughter’s husband.  And Killian is visibly touched by that acceptance.

Anyway, Charming gives Killian a boost, helping him climb up the table.  For a few minutes, Killian navigates his way around the various foodstuffs lying atop the table.  Although he does momentarily pause to sniff at a wine cork, identifying it as coming from a bottle of merlot.  And with that, I’ve got a new headcanon!  I’ve long since suspected Killian was secretly a gourmet.  But with this episode, we have evidence that he’s also a wine connoisseur.  Killian Jones, you really are a man with a million talents!  Like it or not, you really were made to marry into royalty.

Killian eventually locates a potted bean plant, beneath a glass bell jar.  Using a cheese knife, he’s able to break through the glass and obtain a single magic bean.  But the moment he has one in his possession, he and Charming have to run for it, as they discover the place is being guarded by, not a giant, but a fire-breathing dragon.

Personally, I’m wondering why the writers decided to throw in a dragon.  I guess it was possible a dragon would have claimed the place as his home, since dragons can easily reach the Land of Giants due to their flight capabilities.  But even so, this seemed quite random to me.  Admittedly, I was really kinda hoping we’d see Anton again.  I mean, we’re already referencing Emma and Killian’s adventure atop the beanstalk.  Why not go all the way and bring Anton back?  After all, Anton knows Killian and Charming, and would be more than willing to give up a magic bean if he knew it was to help Emma.  Was Jorge Garcia just unavailable at the time they were filming this episode? Apart from that, why a dragon?  Was this dragon The Dragon?  Or was it supposed to be Lily’s long-lost Dragon Daddy?  It’s never really explained.  Regardless, Charming and Killian eventually get away from the dragon and begin their journey back down the beanstalk, magic bean in hand.  But as they’re climbing down, the beanstalk begins to sway violently.  The reason for that is because of what’s going on back in Storybrooke.

Henry, refusing to give up, manages to sneak Emma out of the mental hospital.  He takes her to the rooftop where she’d married Killian the day before. While Emma clearly isn’t buying Henry’s claims, when she stands on the platform where she and Killian exchanged vows, she gets flashes of memories of her wedding.  While Henry is visibly excited that Emma is starting to remember, Emma is still unsure.  Because, as far as she’s been convinced, she’s spent the past few years in a mental hospital. So she doesn’t feel like she can trust her own mind.  Emma states that all she wants to go back home to Boston, because if she stays in Storybrooke, she’s only going to be locked up again.  While at first Henry seems reluctant to this, he eventually agrees to help Emma escape Storybrooke, coming up with a plan to help her slip away in Archie’s car during the night.  When Henry sneaks into Archie’s office to get his car keys, he also retrieves The Storybook.  I guess his plan was to sneak it into Emma’s bag so she’d find it when she arrived in Boston, in the hopes that seeing it would help her remember.  Unfortunately, he’s intercepted by Fiona/Black Fairy, who somehow got tipped off by an unidentified whistleblower.  By this point, Black Fairy realizes that Henry remembers the truth, and attempts to stop him.

Henry, unfortunately, ends up doing something that was pretty stupid in hindsight.  Instead of just running off when he had the chance, he decides to stop at the top of a flight of stairs to spout off some ‘you’ll never win’ speech at the Black Fairy.  So of course, this gives Black Fairy the chance to magically push him down the stairs, resulting in Henry being taken to the hospital with a broken arm.  She then comes up with a story about how Henry’s ‘delusions’ have escalated to the point when he’s a danger to himself.  Because security footage isn’t able to detect magic, it looks as if Henry fell down the stairs on his own.  Using this, Fiona is able to convince Emma that she needs to burn The Storybook in order to make Henry give up his childhood fantasies, stating that the next time this happens, Henry might end up breaking his neck.  So, despite Henry’s pleas, Emma reluctantly consents to Fiona’s request, depositing The Storybook in the hospital’s furnace and allowing it to catch fire.

 I don’t think I have to state how watching this moment wasn’t crushing.  It’s a really traumatic scene, especially as the camera focuses on the book as it’s destroyed.  And, as the book burns, and Emma’s lingering belief starts to die alongside it, the Enchanted Forest itself is also affected, with the beanstalk beginning to fall over, with Charming and Killian still on it.

As the beanstalk falls, Snow is able to sense something happened to Charming through the Power of True Love. With the help of Jasmine, who also came back in this episode, she sets off to locate him.  When they reach the spot where the beanstalk fell, they quickly find Killian lying among the debris, miraculously unscathed.  Because he’s still a survivor, even now.  (We also get a really cute moment of Killian calling Snow ‘mommy,’ which really put a huge smile on my face.)  However, they quickly realize Charming is unaccounted for. When Killian voices his intention to stay and help locate Charming, Snow tells him that Emma’s need is greater, and that he needs to go use the magic bean to get to Emma.  Killian therefore heads off in agreement, while Snow begins to traverse the fallen beanstalk to locate Charming.  She eventually finds Charming lying unconscious, and the episode proceeds to try and trick us into thinking they actually killed him off. But in all seriousness, was anyone actually falling for that?  Snow ends up reviving him with a kiss, leading to an admittedly cute moment with them parodying the moment they had after Charming first woke Snow from the Sleeping Curse in the Pilot and 1x22.  They then hurry off to rejoin the others, only to find that Killan’s bean was sapped of its magic, and can no longer open a portal.  Meaning they’re all still trapped in the dying Enchanted Forest.  Although Regina and Evil Queen (who also returns in this episode, as Wish World is also being affected by the current crisis) decide to try and rejuvenate the bean with their combined magic.  Because both women are concerned for Henry’s well-being, and want to make sure he’s okay.

Come to think of it, why couldn’t Killian just activate the magic bean the moment he obtained it?  Why did he have to report back to the castle where Zelena and Regina were working on finding a solution before using it?  I’m just saying, time was off the essence. And, by wasting time in going back to the castle to rejoin the others, Killian really lost his chance to use the magic bean.  This could have all been solved right then and there, had Killian used the magic bean the moment he was free from the beanstalk debris.  Seeing as how Emma clearly reacted to the sight of the illustration of Killian from his debut episode as she watched the book burning, I’m pretty sure that seeing Killian in person would have been enough to convince Emma of the truth.  But I guess A&E either didn’t think of that, or they were too focused on finishing the story their way.  There’s something I can say about that, but I’ll get to that in a bit.

Anyway, Fiona doesn’t hesitate to take the fact that The Storybook is destroyed and rub it in Henry’s face. Henry is crushed, but he refuses to accept defeat.  So when he seeks out Emma as she’s preparing to leave for Boston, he secretly slips a backup book he made in her bag.  He apparently just threw this book together in his hospital bed.  And on a personal note, I do notice Henry’s drawing ability has significantly improved since S1.  (image credit goes to kissthemgoodbye.net)

Emma eventually finds the backup book when she reaches her old apartment in Boston.  While it did give off some nice nostalgia feels, especially when we see that blue star birthday candle still lying on the countertop, it still gives me a bit of a headache.  A&E either don’t know how renting apartments work or they simply don’t care. Not only do we get Neal’s crappy squatter den lying empty despite the fact that no one has payed rent on the place since the end of the Neverland arc, now we’re supposed to believe Emma’s Boston apartment has been sitting exactly as she left it four years ago. (Because we actually have a time frame for the show now.  Henry was 10 when he showed up at Emma’s doorstop in the Pilot.  And in this episode, Henry’s current age has been stated to be 14.  So it’s been roughly four years since Emma first set foot in Storybrooke.)

Either way, when Emma finds the backup book and reads what Henry wrote in it, which is a retelling of how she faced down Dragon Maleficent and later woke Henry with TLK, it makes something resonate with Emma.  While she still doesn’t remember the truth, she is inspired by the concept of a woman who doesn’t run away from a fight.  She later admits that, while she still doesn’t believe that she’s the Savior, the person that Henry wrote about is the person she wants to be.  So, she decides to go back to Storybrooke.  In doing so, she unknowingly halts the destruction of the Enchanted Forest.  And in the nick of time, as the Nevengers and the remaining magical refugees were only seconds from being swallowed up.

Meanwhile, while all this was going on, we got a subplot with Gold and Gideon.  Under the guise of Black Fairy’s curse, they were led to believe that Belle walked out on them when Gideon was a baby and hasn’t been seen or heard from since.  As such, the accepted story is that Gold raised Gideon alone, with the occasional help from Mayor Fiona.  However, Gold is clearly questioning that story, and asks Mayor Fiona to reopen the case about Belle’s disappearance, stating he refuses to believe that Belle would just walk out on them.  To placate him, Fiona shows him some photos of Belle in front of the Eiffel Tower and other famous landmarks.  She states the police had found those photos ages ago, but she’d wanted to spare Gold the pain of seeing the truth with his own eyes.  While this was a clever idea on Black Fairy’s part, she really should have polished up her Photoshop skills.  Because even I could tell those photos were faked.  However, Gold doesn’t challenge Fiona’s ‘evidence’ and goes on his way.  But later on, when Henry enters his shop after Emma left town, he discovers that Gold was concocting a locator spell in the back room, intending to use it on Belle’s copy of Her Handsome Hero in order to find out where she is.  Which means Gold had also somehow escaped the memory alteration of the Black Fairy’s curse. Unsurprisingly, Gold states he’s not willing to help Henry get Emma’s hope back, because all he cares about is finding Belle and whatnot. Which makes me wonder why they still even bother asking for his help.  Gold’s never going to care about the Nevengers.

When Gold ends up using the locator spell, he tracks Belle down to this random house, where Belle has been reduced to a timid and fearful agoraphobic, who cowers at the mere sight of him. This apparently angers him, as when he comes face-to-face with Fiona again, he completely drops the ignorant act by calling her ‘mother.’  We then get this whole scene with Black Fairy going on about how, with Emma no longer believing and the magical realms wiped out, they can rule the world together, and even find a way to defy the laws of magic, including bringing Neal back to life. Honestly, at this point, I might have been rolling my eyes too loudly to really catch what they were saying. I kept thinking about how this was what Jafar was planning to do in the Wonderland spinoff.  In the end, Gold declares that he simply doesn’t trust his mother and subsequently kills her with her own wand.  (There was a scene earlier when Black Fairy regained her wand with the help of Gideon, who was still under Heart Control)  Personally, I think the Black Fairy’s defeat was bit too easy.  Especially since she was supposed to be the Ultimate Big Bad of the entire show.  What made it even stranger was how they seemed to be saying that Gold was fulfilling his destiny by killing the Black Fairy or something.  But that’s not the case, as Black Fairy separated Gold from his fate when she used the sheers on her baby.

Unfortunately, while Black Fairy’s death helped break the curse, restoring Emma’s memories, and apparently bringing everyone back into Storybrooke, it doesn’t change the fact that Gideon had been commanded via Heart Control to kill Emma.  Even though the Black Fairy is dead, her order remains. So we get a final battle scene with Emma and Gideon.  

At the same time, Gold and Belle are trying to find Gideon’s heart, so they can try and circumvent the Black Fairy’s order.  Although, I feel I should point out that Gold isn’t motivated by the desire to do the right thing and prevent Emma’s death.  He’s only interested in saving his son.  Gold eventually finds the heart, and, after a really bizarre moment when the Rumple Hallucination from the Dark Swan arc returns to try and talk Gold out of stopping Gideon, it’s determined that Gold can’t Heart Command Gideon to ignore the Black Fairy’s final order.  Because Black Fairy placed a failsafe spell on Gideon’s heart to prevent that from happening.

While all this is happening, Emma is crossing blades with Gideon, while the rest of the Nevengers stand and watch.  During the whole battle, Emma spouts off what really was a well-spoken speech about what it means to be the Savior- she is a pinnacle of hope and light, inspiring others around her, and how they never strike down an innocent.  Ultimately, Emma decides to drop her sword and simply allow Gideon to kill her.  Because she knows that killing Gideon would only lead to her heart turning dark again. And once again, my heart breaks for Killian as he reacts to seeing Emma’s willingness to sacrifice herself like that. However, no one can do anything as Gideon stabs Emma with his sword, resulting in light pouring out of Emma’s body.

When the light clears, Emma is lying motionless on the ground.  Until Henry revives her with TLK, which is an obvious callback to the S1 finale.  And we then see Gideon was de-aged to a baby again, much to the delight of Belle and Gold.  The Storybook even rematerializes a short distance away, and when Henry looks at the end, he sees new words have been written there, which explain what happened.  Something about how, because Emma and Gold both chose to do the right thing at the same time, it magically fixed everything.  Admittedly, I have no idea whatsoever what exactly just happened. It just feels like one great big Deux Ex Machina moment.  And that’s something that kinda bothers me.  It’s like A&E placed 95% of their effort on writing the buildup, but only 5% on the actual payoff.  I really get the feeling that they just wanted to wrap everything up quickly so we’d be getting a nice Happily Ever After ending to this story, because it wasn’t certain that S7 would be greenlighted and they therefore knew that it was possible this would end up being the series finale.  While I do understand their situation wasn’t ideal, I still would have liked to see more effort put into this ending.

Don’t get me wrong, now. Because I understand why they chose to have Henry be the one to wake Emma up.  But I still feel a bit put out that they didn’t let Killian do the honors. Maybe it’s just my personal bias, but even so, there really has been an unfortunate pattern that’s been going on for a while.  How did the Underworld arc end?  With Emma teaming up with Regina to chase after the renegade Henry, with Emma being reprimanded for daring to question Regina’s goodness, while Snowing and Killian got trapped in the LOUS.  And the day is ultimately saved because of Henry and the wishing fountain, while Snowing and Killian contributed nothing of merit.  What happened in the transition between the Patchwork arc and the Black Fairy arc?  Emma was paired up with Regina in Wish World, where Emma was not only given a personality downgrade, but got subjected to emotional trauma when Regina murdered the Wish World version of Emma’s parents before her very eyes.  Meanwhile, Killian and Charming, who were both back in Storybrooke, weren’t able to do anything to aid Emma.  And now we get this finale, when Emma is once again separated from her parents and True Love, as well as being tossed into a mental hospital.  And it’s ultimately Henry who solves everything while Killian, Snow and Charming ultimately achieve nothing.  Guys, I get that Emma’s relationship with her son is important. And I appreciate the effort at establishing a friendship between Emma and Regina.  But for crying out loud!  Why couldn’t you let Killian help save the day this time?  While he did come up with the plan to get a magic bean, that ultimately didn’t lead to anything in the grand scheme of things. It’s almost like they’re saying Emma’s relationship with Henry and Regina is more important than the one between her parents and True Love.  Why couldn’t we have gotten at least one more True Love confirmation between Emma and Killian?  Especially since this is the last time we’re really going to get to see them together on our TV screens?

Regardless of that, Snow ends up delivering her last hope speech, stating that even though they’ve reached the end of Henry’s Storybook, it doesn’t mean their stories are over.  Because now they can continue on living their lives and making a new story along the way.  As such, we’re given a whole montage of sorts.  Snow and Charming move out of the loft apartment and move into a little farmhouse, where Charming appears to have become a stay-at-home dad while Snow continues teaching (even though she really should be past the whole lesson on birds.)  We also briefly see what I believe was supposed to be Charming’s old dog, Wilby! Not sure where that wonderful dog was hiding all this time, but whatever.  Regina continues her position of mayor, although the dwarfs have replaced the word ‘mayor’ with ‘queen’ on her office door.  I can appreciate how people might take issue with this. Because it’s really Snow and Charming who are the rightful rulers here.  Regina only became queen by usurping the throne.  But in the end, she gets rewarded for that by keeping her position of authority.  So, I don’t really fault the people who got angry by this ending.  But I suppose I’ve been desensitized by it, since they really have been white-washing Regina since S4.  (We also get a brief moment when it’s heavily implied Evil Queen is now engaged to Robin Clone.  Which was clearly thrown in to appease the Outlaw Queen fanbase.)

Anyway, Emma continues on as sheriff, with her Yellow Bug being turned into a squad car, complete with a detachable red light.  But Killian is now at her side, sporting a shiny new deputy badge.  Meaning they’re now official partners of the Storybrooke law enforcement.  I’m fine with this, as they’ve been a team for quite a while now.  It’s just been made official by giving Killian an actual badge.  And we then see Belle and Gold are back together.  Which I wouldn’t mind so much, except for the fact that I really don’t think Gold deserves it.  Gold has been practically irredeemable since the start of S4.  And during the course of the Patchwork arc, he was terrorizing Belle, trapping her against her will on the Jolly Roger, slapping a tracking device on her, and made her so scared for her baby’s safety, she sent Baby Gideon away.  Apart from that, he was clearly messing around with Evil Queen.  But now, Belle is willing to instantly forgive all of that? I know that it’s possibly a callback to what Killian said during the Dark Swan arc, about how all your sins can be forgiven if someone loves you.  But the main difference between Killian and Gold is that Killian is genuinely remorseful for the bad things he’s done.  I’ve never gotten any reason to believe that Gold regrets anything.  He hasn’t done a single thing to make up for what he’s done in the past.  Not to mention he’s never been held accountable for re-killing Milah, as the Nevengers probably still believe Hades was the one who condemned her.  He’s also still the freaking Dark One, people!  He hasn’t given up his power to be with Belle, meaning he has managed to have both, despite the narrative telling us before that that wasn’t possible.  And yet, because his actions benefited the good guys in the end, everyone instantly forgives him, to the point when the Nevengers even let him sit with them at their big family dinner at Granny’s? No.  Just, no!  At the very least, I can’t help but think Killian is not okay with this.  But he probably puts up with it because he doesn’t want to make waves with his family.

I’m really sorry, because I try really hard to not be so negative about the show.  But the writers are really notorious for letting the bad guys get away with things.  No one ever found out about how Regina killed Graham.  And they turn a blind eye to every questionable thing she’s done as part of Team Hero.  She probably STILL hasn’t returned the hearts she has stashed away.  Zelena, despite the fact that she raped Robin by deception by impersonating his dead wife, is allowed to raise Baby Robyn.  And Gold, despite the fact that he really doesn’t give a bat’s behind about any of the Nevengers and only cared about keeping his son safe, is granted a full pardon and accepted into the fold. It’s really hard to stomach. Especialy since the people who have actually made an effort to be good people, like Snow, Charming, Emma and Killian, have to really struggle and fight to obtain their happy endings.  But Regina, Zelena and Gold get their happy endings practically giftwrapped for them after doing one good deed at the bottom of the ninth.  What kind of message does this send people?  That being good means you have to struggle to hold on to the good things in life, but if you’re deceitful, conniving and willing to backstab people when you deem it necessary, you’ll end up getting your way? Guys, we get enough of that in real life.  We don’t want the same sort of thing in our fairy tale stories.  But again, I get it- A&E wanted to make sure the story ended up with everyone being happy.  The fact that a lot of things went unresolved was just an unfortunate side-effect of that.

Now, the Black Fairy.  After all is said and done, I really think she was quite a poor choice for a final Big Bad.  Granted, when it comes to pure nastiness, this woman really did get top marks. I’ll give her that much.  But… what exactly was her motivation for doing all of this?  I get that she was initially trying to prevent her son’s death and all, but….what exactly did Emma have to do with that?  How exactly was the Black Fairy supposed to benefit from breaking Emma’s spirit and destroying all the magical realms and everyone in them?  Even Tamara, who was probably among the dumbest bad guys on the show, had an established motivation for what she was doing. She was essentially a magic Nazi who felt that magic was unnatural and had to be purged from the world.  But the Black Fairy?  The only real explanation we get with her is basically ‘I’m just evil.’ There was nothing that stupendous about her to really set her apart from the other Big Bads, like Ingrid, Pan and Hades. In fact, her defeat was almost insultingly easy.  So why exactly was she picked to be the Final Boss Battle villain?  It makes me wonder if A&E were originally planning to have either Regina or Rumple fill the necessary role, but they changed their minds at the last minute for whatever reason.  So, knowing they needed a substitute bad guy, they decided to pull a random name out a hat and went with the character Shady Blue mentioned in passing back in 3x11.

Overall, I feel the episode was a bit of a letdown in two very vital areas.  First, the Captain Swan aspect.  Don’t get me wrong, because I totally understand why they decided to focus on Swan Believer.  Considering that was the relationship that helped kickstart the whole series, it’s only natural they’d decide to have it come full circle.  And I agree, the relationship between Emma and Henry is very important.  But honestly, it really felt like the episode was building up to some epic Captain Swan TL moment.  First, we got Killian revisiting the beanstalk from his first adventure with Emma, complete with his whole vehement speech to Charming about how he and Emma fought for their love and won.  And Emma’s memories were briefly jogged by simply standing on the spot where she married Killian, and she later seemed to react to seeing the illustration of Killian from 2x04.  So we had an obvious buildup to something truly epic for Captain Swan in this two-part finale.  But we didn’t really get much of a payoff on that.  While the scene with them in the Yellow Bug, with Killian wearing a shiny new deputy badge, was a really nice moment to witness, the fact remains that this might be the last time we really see Captain Swan on our screens.  It would have been nice to have seen them have a bit more of a sendoff.  Particularly one last TL confirmation.  I’m just saying, they’ve given a TLK to practically every other couple.  But Emma and Killian have had zero successful TLK moments.  I know they passed a TL test designed by the gods themselves, and that’s something no one else can boast.  But still, considering how many times they’ve attempted a TLK, it would have been nice to have seen a successful one between them.

I also kinda feel let down in regards to Gold and his ultimate fate.  Ever since the start of S4, he really was coming across as completely unredeemable. Particularly during and after the Underworld arc.  And the episode before this one even had a glaring reminder about the blood feud that existed between Killian and Gold.  Not only do we get Killian vowing to finally skin his crocodile, but he even got a full song about how much he wanted to kill Rumpelstiltskin. But, because Gold’s actions at the last minute helped save the day, it’s like all is forgiven and forgotten?  I’m sorry, but even if I didn’t hate Gold, I think I’d still see this as a major copout. I guess I just have to keep in mind that the show isn’t actually over at this point, and we’re getting a 7th season.  Hopefully, they’ll finally resolve the centuries-old conflict between Killian and Gold then. After all, it’s already been revealed Belle won’t be in the new season.  So, without Belle around, there’s really no excuse for them to not address the Killian vs. Gold aspect of the show. 

Finally, it’s time to discuss the final subplot that sprang up in this episode.  Each half of this two-parter started off with showing us something that was going down in the Enchanted Forest.  The placement of these scenes in the timeline is currently unknown. But we see a young man being pursued by an unseen entity.  He entrusts his young daughter with The Storybook, instructing her to guard it with her life, and make sure the dark entity hunting them does not find it.  He then stays behind to fight the unseen danger while the little girl runs for it.  Sometime later, she returns to the site of the cottage where they were living, only to find it destroyed, and her father’s charred sword lying on the ground. Out of nowhere, Tiger Lily appears, instructing the little girl to not cry, as her father wouldn’t have wanted her to shed tears on his behalf.  Tiger Lily tasks the little girl with bringing The Storybook to her mother, reassuring her that, while the future is uncertain, the fairies have foreseen that she’ll be reunited with her father one day.

And then, in the final few moments of the episode, we see the same little girl.  This time, she’s in the modern realm, somewhere in Seattle. According to the timecard, years have passed since the Black Fairy’s defeat.  The little girl, who is revealed to be called Lucy, locates Room 815 in some apartment complex.  When she knocks on the door, the man who emerges is the same man we saw in the opening. And it’s here we find out that the young man is an Adult Henry.  And Lucy is his daughter.  (Looks like we can add a few more branches in the ever-growing OUAT family tree)  In an obvious homage to the Pilot, Adult Henry is clearly meeting Lucy for the first time, which presents the obvious question of who the mother is and why she never told Henry about their kid.  Lucy informs Adult Henry that his family needs him, which is also an obvious homage to the Pilot.

So, yeah.  Henry’s an adult now.  And he has a daughter called Lucy.  This should be interesting.  Especially since Henry is now living quite a fair distance from Storybrooke, Maine.  I realize it’s only natural he’d want to build a life of his own upon reaching adulthood.  But moving from Maine to Washington is quite a move.  It makes me wonder what made him decide to move so far away from his family and friends in Storybrooke.  And again, the fact that he clearly didn’t know about Lucy makes you wonder what the situation was with the baby mama.  I believe A&E have already stated that it’s not Violet, which doesn’t surprise me at all.  Especially since they were together when they were 14.  While it’s not unheard of, it’s extremely rare for people to form lasting romantic relationships at that age.

And so, things are set up for the 7th season.  I honestly have mixed feelings about it.  Yes, this small sample has piqued my interest.  However, since Jennifer has stated she’s not planning to come back for more than one episode, and Josh and Ginny aren’t coming back at all, we’ll be losing Emma, and Snow and Charming.  But Colin is going to continue his role of Killian Jones.  As much as I love Killian as an individual character, I don’t think I could bear to watch him get through an entire season without his wife and in-laws, even if does get to spend time with his stepson and long-lost step-granddaughter, Lucy.  My main concern is that, when A&E first mentioned the character we now know is Adult Henry, they described him as a young man who came from a broken home. So, naturally, that leaves me a bit concerned with what S7 has done with Captain Swan.  If they break them up, or make it so Emma died or something, I will be TICKED.  Because they spent 5 years building up Emma and Killian’s love story, and it’s probably the most popular ship on the show.  So A&E will be proving they’re morons if they decide to ruin their happily ever after. So, whether or not I bother with the next season will largely depend on how they explain Emma’s absence through the next season.  

Either way, I thank the actors who have put their time and energy into brining the characters we love to life. I thank the writers who, despite quite a few questionable decisions they made along the way, have given us an amazing modern day fairy tale.  And I thank the fandom who have truly made the show a phenomenon, and will continue to keep the spirit of the show alive through fanart and fanfiction.  I have even made quite a few irreplaceable friends because of this show, and I will always be grateful for that.

(Click here to read more Episode Analyses)

[rodan-flyingmonster-blog]

Characters Want: Even in Kaiju Eiga

When I was teaching intro fiction during my MFA, one of the things I’d tell students was that envisioning a story was as simple as determining specifics for the following: someone wants something in a time and place.

From there, the author’s imagination can run wild. Who is the person? What are they after? Is it immediate or long-term? Concrete or emotional? Do they live in Russia during the collapse of the Soviet Union, or in your apartment building two doors down in 2016? You know they’re going to go after what they want, or at least fail to do so in some interesting, deeply imagined way, and so they find themselves at the center of their own story. We’ll get to open the window on an emotionally charged moment in their lives, and close it when the moment is done.

When people think of kaiju movies, they do not envision characters this way. Perhaps it’s because they play a visual second fiddle to their 80-meter (fify, if you’re a purist) co-stars. Perhaps it’s because for many of the genre’s high points, they’ve been pleasantly rendered archetypes. That’s okay. What I’m about to lay out is that the characters should still want. More specifically, and something understood by prominent Golden Age Godzilla screenwriters Takeshi Kimura and Shinichi Sekizawa, and more recently Hideaki Anno, their wants should dovetail with the monster action onscreen. That is, their desires and personalities should give them a reason to be involved with Godzilla and all of his monstrous cohorts. Never should it feel as if they’re simply there, trapped in the wrong place at the wrong time.*

I feel like every time I wind up discussing Godzilla 2014 on Toho Kingdom, I get closer and closer to creating a full-on Plinkett-style review of why despite all the right visual and design choices, it winds up being an emotionally hollow experience. Basically, it comes down to realizing that the reason Godzilla movies register isn’t simply because they feature a giant, fire-breathing invincible saurian, but because the people affected by his presence afford for interesting stories and commentary. It’s about realizing that, in fact, all the surface-level elements can be right, even beautifully executed, as is the case in that film, and the movie can still ring hollow because the characters it involves are simply ciphers who happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I thought surely this was an issue shared by any number of the less stellar Japanese entries--characters whose involvement feels incidental, and therefore has trouble saying anything emotionally or intellectually--but let’s actually do a quick breakdown. In how many movies do the characters have a personal reason to be involved in the action, and in how many are they simply around because they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time?

A full breakdown of all the motivations among focal characters in Godzilla movies:

Godzilla (1954): A love triangle places three young people at the center of a decision that will shake Japan and the Earth when Godzilla arrives. Meanwhile, Professor Yamane’s justified interest in Godzilla as both a zoological find and a goldmine of research in combatting radiation poisoning puts him at odds with both his family and the government.

Godzilla Raids Again: We get a relative sense of what side-character Kobayashi wants, which gets some pathos out of a decision he makes in the climax, but by and large this is a story of characters in the wrong place at the wrong time. Does anyone love this movie?

King Kong vs. Godzilla: Mr. Tako’s desire for a kaiju-sized spectacle puts him and his hapless employees at the center of a brawl between Godzilla and Kong. An inventor and his loved ones get thrown into the mix due to the usefulness of his invention and proximity to the above-mentioned characters.

Mothra vs. Godzilla: In the second-best movie in the franchise (no arguments), our first among many teams of spunky reporters and scientists’ humanitarian interests put them at odds with both the slimy fat-cats laying claim to Mothra’s egg and the transgressions of human governments as they appeal to Infant Island’s better side. (Of note: The movie rightfully gets flack for their presence in the climax, in which they’re tasked with saving a bunch of kids after the monster action kicks off because they’re simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. Their real roles end about twenty minutes before the movie does.)

Ghidorah the Three-Headed Monster: A reporter-policeman sibling pair get roped into some kaiju action due to their mutual interest in a princess convinced she’s a Venusian. King Ghidorah arrives for a guest appearance in Roman Holiday With Giant Monsters.

Invasion of Astro-Monster/Monster Zero: Nick Adams plays an astronaut who wants to put it in an evil space lady. His partner is a no-nonsense older brother who doesn’t approve of his younger sister’s marriage to a hapless inventor whose rape alarm might be the only device possible of stopping an alien plot to use giant monsters against the governments of Earth. You almost forget Godzilla and Rodan show up.

Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster: A group of twenty-somethings get shanghaied by their friend when he tries to steal a boat to search for his brother. It turns out the boat was already stolen by the bank robber on board. While searching for said brother and overcoming personal shortcomings, they run afoul of a band of terrorists and have to set Godzilla loose on them. A native islander interested in saving her people also gets involved.

Son of Godzilla: A team of scientists, a never-take-no-for-an-answer reporter, and an island woman they encounter have to overcome differences to protect each other and their important weather experiments when both they and the Godzilla family come up against Kumonga and other giant insects. They all have personal and ideological reasons to be on, and stay on, the island through the end.

Destroy All Monsters: A team of super-science heroes wind up combatting an alien plot to turn Earth’s monsters against it because they’re in the wrong place at the wrong time. None of them have any personality.

All Monsters Attack: A latchkey kid dreams about befriending Minilla in a universe in which Godzilla and co. are fictional, maybe?

Godzilla vs. Hedorah: A young boy maintains unshakeable belief in Godzilla as a fantastic hero who can combat a fantastic representation of the rampant pollution of industrializing Japan. His father is a scientist who’s maybe a bit too interested in studying and finding a solution to Hedorah. His uncle and the uncle’s girlfriend are hippies who host an end-of-the-world party at Mt. Fuji, because that’s the kind of people they are.

Godzilla vs. Gigan: A struggling mangaka winds up at the center of the plot of alien cockroaches because his girlfriend is insistent he find work (so good). The rest of the crew are spunky civilians who task themselves with investigating the situation for various personal reasons. Godzilla and Anguirus show up because something funny’s going on; better check it out.

Godzilla vs. Megalon: Okay, so two dudes own a robot that gets stolen and is a central point of the film’s plot (“plot”?), but by and large this is a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Maybe Jet Jaguar’s the real main character.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974): A group of spunky reporters and scientists’ investigations into various mysteries on puts them close to both a villainous plot and some light commentary on the plight of the Okinawan people.

Terror of Mechagodzilla: An Interpol agent’s investigation and infatuation with the daughter of someone he’s assigned to investigate plays a key role in stopping a crisis, as do the personal decisions of the daughter.

Return of Godzilla: A reporter and survivor of a Godzilla attack wind up deciding to become part of government action against a newly awoken Godzilla. To be honest, this is kind of a borderline case, as their involvement is pretty incidental, stemming from an early encounter with Godzilla, and they’re really pretty lightly defined outside of that, though everyone still has a personal reason to not just go home.

Godzilla vs. Biollante: Our main characters include a scientist who wants to use a combination of Godzilla DNA and rose cells to bring his dead daughter back to life. A younger scientist comes to grips with the ethics of genetic research, and an aging military character decides to pin his pride on stopping Godzilla as a younger generation seems poised to rise to the top. We get introduced to Miki Saegusa, a psychic without much to do here, but who will eventually become one of the earliest figures sympathetic to this continuity’s Godzilla.

Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: I’m sure I’ll write an essay-length post on this at some point, but a cast of characters with various personal and philosophical stakes in Godzilla come together for a sweeping series of complicated statements about Japan’s meteoric economic rise.

Godzilla vs. Mothra: A family drama about divorced parents takes center stage in a universe in which their only chance to make amends with one another involves interaction with Mothra and her twin fairies.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1993): A robotic engineer’s desire to prove himself within special anti-Godzilla projects and a scientist’s personal connection to a newly hatched Godzilla keep them at the center of the action. Saegusa becomes a full-on champion for Godzilla in this movie.

Godzilla vs. Spacegodzilla: In this movie, which is 105 hours long, a rogue ex-military character seeks revenge against Godzilla for his friend’s death, and most of the action revolves around him and his choices.

Godzilla vs. Destroyah: Focal characters include the niece and nephew of Emiko Yamane from the original film, who become involved in the Godzilla plot due to reporting and producing an independent study on the monster, respectively. All characters disappear into command centers halfway through the movie, which is too bad, but the setup is all nicely motivated.

Godzilla (1998): Everyone is a horrible cartoon, but between our venerable stable of Reporters and Scientists with interpersonal drama, as well as some French secret agents, everyone has a reason to stick around in New York.

Godzilla 2000: A father-daughter team run an independent Godzilla prediction network because it’s their hobby and belief it’s the best way to handle the monster. The antagonist is a hawkish head of a government crisis organization and former colleague of the main character until their differing opinions on Godzilla put them at odds. A reporter’s desire for more Godzilla coverage keeps her close to the GPN. Everyone is there because they want to be.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus: Military revenge plot + slacker scientist driven to prove himself keeps everyone around for personal reasons.

GMK: A reporter for a bad cable cryptozoological show’s desire for higher quality content finds her pursuing myths surrounding a newly resurrected Godzilla. Her father is a patriotic military officer who considers it his duty to go up against the supernatural threat.

Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla: A military character responsible for the deaths of her colleagues during a confrontation against Godzilla finds restored purpose in the opportunity pilot the latest superweapon against him. Mechagodzilla itself is designed a lonely single father, whose daughter finds reason in the the project and proximity to the main character to come to grips with the death of her mother. It’s all much sillier than it sounds, but oh well.

Tokyo S.O.S.: A guy … likes machines? And gets to pilot Mechagodzilla and come to terms with its spiritual desires? He convinces the government to listen to Mothra because his uncle happens to be the main character from her original movie? This is pretty messy; the characters sort of have a reason to be there, but their involvement with the plot doesn’t seem to speak to any personal arcs or bigger ideas. Their roles feel pretty coincidental as a result.

Final Wars: A team of super-science heroes wind up combatting an alien plot to turn Earth’s monsters against it because monster-hunting is their full-time job. None of them have any personality.

Godzilla (2014): Joe Brody gets closer and closer to a clandestine giant-monster-tracking organization because of his desire to reveal a cover-up surrounding his wife’s death. Dr. Serizawa has dedicated his life to said organization because he believes its research can help stop atrocities like his father witnessed at Hiroshima. Instead of following those characters, we follow Ford Brody, who has no personal connection to goings on and whose sole motivation is an Odyssean desire to get home despite constantly being waylaid by giant-monster-related combat and destruction. A character who is continuously in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Shin Godzilla: A team of politicians find themselves at the center of plans to stop Godzilla due to various personal motivations: careerism, a sense of outsiderness, patriotism, pragmatism and personal confidence, etc. There are side characters who aren’t committed to their jobs and simply find themselves in the wrong place at the wrong time, but that’s because it’s realistic and offers contrast to the characters we do follow, for whom the experience is a watershed moment.

That’s around six or seven movies in the series wherein the focal characters don’t have very clear reasons to want to be involved in the plot, and instead simply have to react to Godzilla’s presence in a way that doesn’t speak to personal motivations or ideas. Some of those are quickie camp sequels; two are spectacle-heavy team action movies that don’t pretend to be character pieces. Godzilla 2014 is unique in presenting itself as a character-centric film, one with plenty of time and budget put into it, but that follows someone who would be a side character in any other Godzilla film.

Even in spectacle-heavy movies, we don’t want these types of characters to be our focal point into the world. We sense the hand of the author selecting them. These aren’t their personal stories. They’re the stories of someone who wants an audience to see Godzilla, and could only half-imagine a person-shaped vehicle for facilitating it. Even a kaiju eiga should feel richly imagined. We want to believe its characters, however lightly drawn, can exist off-screen, and that the reason they’re there stems from their own wants and needs.

*I’ll say that it’s not that someone trapped by circumstances couldn’t provide an interesting focal character. But in absence of a reason to stay involved, we need to understand how personal arcs are going to be informed by their proximity to the action. It is important we understand, again, why this is a relevant moment to open and shut a window into their life, rather than just “that time I survived Godzilla, and let me tell you, there were some pretty close calls!”

[wcprice2opinions]

Rating the US Amendments

It has been 47 years since congress passed a constitutional amendment. The 27th was ratified only 26 years ago but congress passed with the Bill of Rights. I personally think we are long overdue for some constitutional amendments but seeing as US politics today is a lot like bear excrement that probably isn’t happening anytime soon. In the meantime here is my opinion and rating of the existing 27 amendments in descending order. The 27th Amendment. 9/10. This is probably the coolest amendment given its record setting ratification period of over 200 years. It is kind of a no brains idea and I think it is laughable that the 13 original state legislatures were like “nah I could be a senator some day I don’t want this shit holding me back.” The 26th Amendment. 4/10. I guess the voting age has got to be somewhere but it is only arbitrarily 18 because that was the arbitrary age that you got drafted at during Vietnam. Anyway I wish they had arbitrarily chosen 17 instead because at least 17 is prime. The 25th Amendment. 7/10. Took them too many words to get the point across if you ask me. A necessary amendment but I think we should look back at mid 1960s and the sudden wiliness to pull back the presidents power a little bit we can all agree that there was a lot more to do here. The 24th Amendment. 10/10. One of the best amendments. A nice compromise of today’s political landscape. Republicans hate taxes and Democrats hate it when you make it hard for poor people to vote. Absolutely the only standing amendment that would have a snowballs chance in hell at ratification in 2018.

The 23rd Amendment. 5/10. Wow we were really close to a solid amendment here then we went and blew it with 6 words “but in no event more than” yeah so we going to limit DC’s voting power because Tom from Wyoming isn’t over represented enough? Also if we don’t pass an amendment giving DC citizens actual representatives before I am 50 I’m starting a revolution for taxation without representation. The 22nd Amendment. 3/10. I think term limits are a good thing. I think that the 2 terms is 1 too many. I think there should be an election the year after the midterms to extend the presidency by 2 more years for a maximum of 6 years served. Some would say this creates a longer lame duck period but who cares as it is today the president is just running for office that year anyway. The 21st Amendment. 2/10. Should have decriminalized all drugs. The 20th Amendment. 3/10. First of all we know you mean eastern time but have some dignity and specify it. Secondly I take significant issue with how we are supposed to choose a president if something happens to our elects. Lastly, limiting the ratification period of an amendment is lame. The 19th Amendment.  10/10. If only they had stopped at the word State or added “or any other reason” to the end of the sentence I would give this an 11/10.  The 18th Amendment. 2/10. Gets some credit for always being an easy question on the AP US history exam. Doesn’t matter anymore and also was trash to begin with. The 17th Amendment. 9/10. Wow, can you imagine what today’s lobbyist would do if we had not gotten this through before 1980? It actually terrifies me when I think about how most of our federal laws came before this. I understand at the time it was different but boy are we not in the same world we were in 1787 The 16th Amendment. 6/10. Income tax is one way of doing it. The 15th Amendment. 10/10. Okay welcome to the ones you actually know. This one is like the 19th, they came so close to writing a perfect law but they missed it.

The 14th Amendment. 6/10. Wow is the 14th amendment a mixed bag. I really wish they had thought this one through a little bit more especially since it has evolved to be the corner stone of a shit ton of constitutional debate and supreme court rulings. Let’s break this one down by Section. Section 1 4/10. Welcome to the infamous equal protection clause everybody. Woo-boy. This section really starts off quite wonderfully. I wish they had defined some of their terms. Liberty, due process of law, and equal protection are all too vague. Unfortunately, we have a bunch of idiots that interrupt this as “it is okay to stuff children in cages.” So, I don’t know, maybe a clarifying statement that makes it obvious that you can’t stuff children in cages. Section 2 7/10. Indigenous people should count. Section 3 4/10. Meh.  Section 4 6/10. For some reason I feel like section 4 covers the necessary basis and we can let them be elected and scrap section 3. Maybe I’m too easy on the rebel scum. Section 5 5/10. Seems obvious. The 13th Amendment. 10/10. We should do a better job enforcing it. The 12th Amendment. 6/10. Fine but we all know the original way was more fun. The 11th Amendment. 3/10. Fun fact a few months ago the New Jersey Senate post ratified this amendment. It is still pending ratification in the general assembly. I think this amendment is bad because well I’m a federalist piece of trash that Jefferson would hate.  The 10th Amendment. 5/10. It is really difficult to believe that every ounce of power in the pages and pages of federal laws and executive orders is granted to the federal government by the constitution. Everyone basically points at this amendment when it is convenient for their political leanings and ignores it when its not. I’d be okay with a return to enforcement but only if like a lot of really important things are added to the constitution first. The 9th Amendment. 10/10. A truly great amendment. Could use an update to modern language but all around wonderful. The 8th Amendment.  2/10. What is excessive? What is cruel and unusual? Why is execution still a thing? Hod did we end up with mass incarceration? The answer to all of this and more whenever our government figures out the 8th Amendment is greatly in need of a refresh.

The 7th Amendment. 7/10. Needs updating like pretty much all the bill of rights but overall one of the least outdated parts. I think it would be really funny if every-time somebody got a parking ticket over 20 dollars we insisted on a jury trial. Then we would just have a collective citizens agreement to jury nullify any parking tickets from street cleaning days in Pittsburgh. That would be great. The 6th Amendment. 9/10. I am sure there is likely something wrong with this amendment but I’m not smart enough to understand what that is. I like it although I don’t think we enforce it so... we should do that? The 5th Amendment. 3/10. Screw the military getting their own trials that is dog shit. You defend our freedoms you should be tried under the freedoms we enjoy. I also think they need to be explicit about who has the authority to quantify just compensation for private property taken for public use. The 4th Amendment. 7/10. It is good. Could be enforced better. Unreasonable should be defied. The 3rd Amendment. 8/10. I don’t think this could ever even come up today but I love it so much. The 2nd Amendment. 0/10. Why is the amendment so different than all the others? How do the comas in the original vs the ratified copy change the meaning? I really don’t see how this can be interrupted to be anything other than one of the following 3: I have absolute rights to arms including nuclear warheads. I have absolute rights to revolutionary era weapons including canons but no specific rights to anything invented after the ratification of this amendment. Or I have no specific rights at all to any weapons unless I am in a regulated militia. Very few people seem to be arguing any of these points making this the single worse amendment of the whole Constitution.  The 1st Amendment. 10/10. Has really stood the test of time. This is a good one.

[gracewithducks]

It’s Complicated: Faith and the in-between (Luke 24:44-53)

Mother’s Day isn’t the same when you’re a pastor. My kids already know that mom works on Mother’s Day, and messing with our Sunday morning routine isn’t going to earn them any favors. So instead of Mother’s Day, they’ve been celebrating Mother’s Week: we started with donuts last weekend, and continued through the week with extra hugs, with handmade gifts, reading books to me, showing love through interpretive dance and original songs, praising my cooking – apparently I’m especially gifted with mashed potatoes and Kraft mac-and-cheese… and all those praises and expressions of love have been peppered with constant fighting, two little girls turning everything into a competition, a helpful attempt to share macaroni and cheese with the potted plants, throwing angry cats on my lap, mixing cat food with milk and water, painting the walls with hand soap, “forgetting” that brushing your teeth is a thing we do, and refusing to use the bathroom without a hand to hold.

 Motherhood is special in all kinds of strange ways.

 Even before I became a mother, I’ve had something of an ambivalent attitude towards Mother’s Day. I love my mom, don’t get me wrong, and I sure hope she knows that. I grew up in a church that tried to include not just mothers but all women in its Mother’s Day celebrations – which means as a little girl I looked forward, every year, to getting a carnation of my very own.

 And then I got older. And I started to realize that life is a lot more complicated than it seems. There were years when I wasn’t sure if I would ever be a mother – and quite frankly, plenty of days since becoming a mother when I’ve wondered if I’m really cut out for the job. I’ve walked with friends through infertility, and miscarriage, and failed adoptions, and difficult decisions… I’ve walked with children of all ages with the loss of their mothers; I’ve walked with mothers through the loss of their children. And I’ve come to love families of so many different shapes and sizes, and come to realize that much like parenting itself, life is much more complicated than it ever used to seem.

 It’s exhausting, it’s painful, it’s stressful, it’s frustrating, it’s wonderful – and it’s also funny how, as kids, we think a donut and a carnation once a year is enough to say “thank you.”

 One of the hardest and strangest Mother’s Days in my own life came in our in-between year: it was the first Mother’s Day since the death of my son, but it also came just a couple of weeks after announcing I was pregnant with our daughter. And if I’m being honest, if I wasn’t a pastor, I probably would have just stayed home all day. But I didn’t have that choice… and people weren’t quite sure what to say or how to act around me. They tended to focus on the joy I must be feeling, knowing I would be a mother once again, rather than acknowledge the fear that accompanied that pregnancy, and the grief that weighted heavy on our home. Hope and fear, joy and grief, mingled together – that’s parenting, but also, that’s life.

 And it’s Mother’s Day again. I’ve always been ambivalent about this day. This year is no exception. I don’t know how many of you follow the United Methodist News Service – or if you even know that that’s a thing, but it is. A little more than a week ago, our Council of Bishops met to consider recommendations on how the church might move forward while we are so divided over issues of gender and sexuality, when we can’t agree on the question of who God welcomes, and who can love whom, and what a family looks like. And just this week, the same Council of Bishops received and counted votes taken by conferences all over the world on several amendments to our church’s constitution – again, that’s a thing. Two of those amendments dealt with adding affirmations around gender and equality. The first proclaims that “men and women are of equal value in the eyes of God” and promises that the United Methodist Church will “seek to eliminate discrimination against women and girls… in every facet of its life and in society at large.” The second amendment adds gender, ability, age and marital status to the list of characteristics that can’t keep anyone from church membership – in addition to race, color, national origin or economic condition, all of which are already named and protected.

 And this week we learned that both of those amendments failed to pass.

 I am so very tired of our denomination breaking my heart. And yes, some of you United Methodist news followers will know that the first amendment, at least, will be voted on again, due to an editing mistake… and maybe this time things will be different. But I sat through those debates a year ago, and I was shocked, appalled, at the fear and prejudice that were displayed – by our own colleagues and neighbors and friends. So many people who proclaim and claim to love Christ and to love their neighbors are nevertheless willing to speak hatred and pass condemnation and turn those same neighbors – especially the most vulnerable ones – to break them and turn they away.

 And now it’s Mother’s Day. While our church still tries to define what families can look like, while we failed to affirm that gender or ability or marital status doesn’t limit or define us… now we have the nerve to observe Mother’s Day, that day we set apart of parade and celebrate a certain set of women, women we lift up as models for Christian womanhood: those who’ve managed to reproduce. And I have to wonder, as much as I love my own mother, as much as I am humbled and challenged by being a mother – that’s not all that I am; is that all that women are ever going to be allowed to be?

 This week, many of my colleagues have challenged us to imagine our churches without the leadership and gifts of women. Without a woman’s faith, there would have been no incarnation. Without a woman’s boldness, the news of the resurrection would not have been shared. Right here at this church, without women, we’d lose most of our staff members – including both of our pastors. The chair of church council, and many other committee chairs, our lay leader, our members of Annual Conference, our lay servants, our Sunday school teachers, would be gone; more than half of our committee members, more than half of our members, period, would be silenced, all those gifts and voices and contributions lost.

 And I know that, by God’s grace, that’s not the case. I know that our ministries, our welcome, our affirmation didn’t change and wasn’t limited by any news statements released this week. And whenever we start talking about questions like this, inevitably someone raises the point that we shouldn’t have to take votes and amend official documents to affirm that women are people, and that our girls are gifts from God every bit as precious and powerful as our boys. We shouldn’t have to define or delineate by gender at all. I agree. We shouldn’t have to. But we do. The fact that those very statements keep failing – that’s exactly why we need to make them. Right here in our conference, there are still many United Methodist Churches here in Michigan that won’t accept a female pastor in their pulpit. And we live in a world where women are still paid less for doing the same work; where most of the power is held in the hands of men; where girls don’t get the same education and opportunities as boys. We live in a world where women bear the burden of unplanned pregnancies they had help in creating; where mothers are praised but a mother’s health, and the health of her children, are ignored, and women’s pain is not taken as seriously as men’s. We live in a world where girls grow up faster because they have to, where “boys will be boys” but “she was asking for it.” We live in a world where “you run like a girl” is still a devastating insult – even if you are one. We live in a world where my eight-year-old daughter can’t wear a sleeveless top to school because her body might be a distraction to the second grade boys around her. She’s already learning that she’s expected to take responsibility for someone else’s actions, and their education is more important than her own.

 It takes a lot of nerve for us to celebrate mothers on a day when immigration officials are separating families, when refugee mothers risk everything for their children’s future, where many mothers are starving themselves so their children can eat, and finding their sacrifice is still not enough.

 We can’t say we love mothers unless we fight to help women, to care for children, to protect and advocate for the programs that feed and clothe and house and heal so many of our most vulnerable members. Mother’s Day needs to be so much bigger than brunch.

 We shouldn’t have to say that women are people. There are a lot of things we shouldn’t have to say. But sometimes, we need to say them, anyway.

 So this is what needs saying today: God loves you. God loves you, no matter whether, when you were born, they dressed you in pink or draped you in blue. God loves you, no matter what pronouns describe you now. God loves you, no matter who you fall in love with, or how many times your heart’s been broken, or if you never fall in love at all. God loves you if you’re married, divorced, widowed, single – and if it’s complicated, God loves your complicated life; God loves complicated you.

 God loves you if you’re a parent who gave birth, or who adopted, or who fosters, if you stay at home, if you go to work, if have no choice but you do what you have to do to make it through. God loves you if your mother loves you, and even if she doesn’t, God still does. God loves you whether you’re a parent whose children adore you or whose children slam the doors and curse your name or whose children won’t return your calls at all. God loves you if you’ve struggled with infertility, if you’ve carried a child you never held, if you gave up a child for adoption, if you ended a pregnancy, if you’ve never been pregnant at all.

 God loves you if you’ve buried your mother. God loves you if you’ve buried your child. God loves you if you’re not sure who will bury you when your time comes.

 I hope you will hear me today: love is stronger than death, and love transcends the limits and labels we use, and love surprises us again and again. There is more than one way to create life in the world. There is more than one way to give love, and more than one way to receive it, and I hope that, by God’s grace, you’ve know a lot of love, and you’ll know a lot more.

 Today is Mother’s Day. And it always behooves us to remember that the tradition of Mother’s Day is much bigger than flowers and breakfast in bed. The roots of this day are found with women who decided to use what power they had to make the world a better place. It begins with Ann Jarvis, organizing Appalachian mothers to work to improve sanitation, to help keep their families and neighbors from dying from diseases carried by insects and polluted water. It begins with Julia Ward Howe, organizing mothers who yearn for peace after watching too many of their children march off to war. It continues with Ann Jarvis’ daughter, Anna, who wanted to honor her mother and honor all the ways that women continue to work to reshape the world. Today is for all those women who’ve learned the hard way that new life only comes through struggle and pain – and though it feels like it will tear you apart, the struggle is worth it when that new life enters in.

 Today is Mother’s Day. But in the church, today is Ascension Sunday – the day when we remember how, forty days after Easter, ten days before Pentecost, Jesus ascended into heaven. And it’s an ambivalent and complicated sort of day, too. Today we revisit the story of Jesus’ broken and resurrected body taking its place in glory… and there is joy as Jesus is lifted up, as he’s exalted, there is gratitude for his presence and all that’s been shared – and there is grief because he’s leaving, and something beautiful is ending, and no one really knows what happens next. The disciples enter into an uncertain season of in-between: Christ has risen, Christ will come again… but not yet. He’s gone, and he promises to send the Holy Spirit… but he Spirit hasn’t come quite yet.

 This is where most of our life, where most of our faith, takes place: in the in-between. And what does it look like, to praise God in the in-between? In the days when it’s complicated, when we’re ambivalent and torn? When joy and grief come hand in hand? Somewhere in between the dream and its fulfillment, between the sorrow and the reunion? What does it mean to keep the faith when love and loss flow mingled down? When the promises have yet to be fulfilled, and the story isn’t over yet?

 What does it look like to praise God when the scars are still fresh and there is still so much left undone?

 That’s where we live – in the in between. And it takes faith to believe we’re being blessed even when God seems further and further away. It takes faith to keep going when you just want to walk away. And it takes faith to keep praising God in the meantime when we can’t see God, can’t hear God, when we don’t know what happens next. All we have is the promise that we will not be abandoned or forsaken. Before leaving, Jesus promises, “I will not leave you orphaned,” so we hold onto faith that good-bye is not the end.

 In other versions of the ascension, the disciples are left staring, confused, gaping into heaven. But I love this telling from Luke’s gospel, because as Jesus goes, he offers blessing upon blessing – and the disciples go to wait, praising him,

full of faith for the in between.

 Motherhood has broken my heart. The church has broken my heart. But I’m still here. And I’m not giving up. I still have faith. I believe the story isn’t over yet.

 As we live in our own in between, may we be full of praises and full of faith

 May we keep saying the things that shouldn’t need to be said, because someone needs to hear them. May we keep doing the work that we thought was over years ago.

 Flowers fade – but faith, hope, and love remain. And in the end, love wins.

  Oh God, we struggle today – as we give thanks for the love we’ve seen and known in our own lives, as we give thanks for the love that we’ve given and received… and as we are reminded that there are still so many places and so many ways that hatred and injustice seem to be winning. Help us to have faith, as we live in these complicated and ambivalent days; help us to believe that you bless us, even in the in-betweens, and help us to have enough faith to keep praising you – and by your grace, by your power, to keep faithfully working for new beginnings and new life to enter in. In Christ’s name we pray; amen.

[newsvomit-blog]

Ex-aide won't comply with subpoena, says Trump 'may have done something'

After a day spent belligerently defying special counsel Robert Mueller, former Donald Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg appeared to reverse himself Monday night and said he likely will cooperate with a subpoena seeking campaign documents related to the Russia investigation. Nunberg helped Trump prepare for the first Republican presidential primary debate in August 2015 along with the man he has described as his mentor, veteran Republican operative Roger Stone.He made a bravado tour of television talk shows Monday declaring he wouldn’t cooperate with the subpoena.

“The president’s right, it’s a witch hunt,” Nunberg told MS’s Katy’s Tur. But Monday night, Nunberg, who said he still hadn’t talked with his attorney, told that he would probably cooperate with Mueller in the end.He said he objected to the subpoena because it asks for information about people whom he either never talked to or with whom he had close relationships.

“I just don’t want to make it easy,” he said.”I don’t think it’s fair to ask for my personal communications.” The special counsel’s office had no comment. In his interview with Tur, Nunberg said he was distressed that Mueller’s team would “insinuate that Roger Stone was colluding with [Wikileaks founder] Julian Assange.” According to the subpoena, which was sent to Nunberg by Mueller, investigators want emails, text messages, work papers, telephone logs and other documents going back to Nov.

1, 2015, 4½ months after Trump launched his campaign. Nunberg, who has already been interviewed by Mueller’s office, said the idea that Trump or his campaign colluded with Russia was the “biggest joke,” but he suggested — without any evidence — that Mueller may have something on the president. “I think they may,” Nunberg said.

“I think that he [Trump] may have done something during the election.But I don’t know that for sure.” He didn’t provide any details. Nunberg also said Mueller’s investigators have asked him a wide range of questions about a meeting among Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, Jared Kushner and a Russian lawyer in Trump Tower in June 2016, including whether he heard anyone speaking Russian in Trump’s office and why Trump took favorable positions toward Moscow during the campaign.

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders blasted Nunberg on Monday and rebutted any suggestion that the campaign colluded with Russia. “I definitely think he doesn’t know that for sure, because he’s incorrect,” she said.”He hasn’t worked at the White House, so I can’t speak to him or the lack of knowledge he clearly has.

As we’ve said many times before, there’s been no collusion.” Nunberg later told CNN that he believed Trump knew about the Trump Tower meeting with the Russian lawyer.The president has denied that he knew about the meeting. “He talked about it for a week before, and I don’t know why he did this.

All he had to say was: ‘Yeah, we met with the Russians.The Russians offered us something, and we thought they had something.’ And that was it.I don’t know why he went around trying to hide it when he shouldn’t have,” Nunberg said.

The Trump campaign fired Nunberg later in August 2015 after racially charged statements were uncovered on his personal Facebook page, a campaign spokesman said at the time.He denied having written the posts. The Trump campaign went to court in July 2016, accusing Nunberg of having leaked potentially damaging information to the media.

The case was settled later that year. Anyone subpoenaed to testify before a grand jury has the right to refuse to answer questions to avoid self-incrimination.The government can grant immunity to get the witness to testify, but the witness can no longer refuse to answer questions and can’t be prosecuted for information he or she provides.

A witness can also ask a judge to quash the subpoena on the ground that compliance would be “unreasonable or oppressive,” but such motions are seldom granted. Witnesses who simply refuse to appear before a grand jury or who won’t answer questions, without asserting their Fifth Amendment rights, can be held in contempt of court and put in jail until they agree to answer or until the term of the grand jury expires, whichever comes first. Nunberg said he wasn’t fearful of what Mueller may think of his refusal to cooperate or the possibility of being arrested.

“I think it would be really, really funny if they wanted to arrest me,” he said.”Let them think what they want.It’s absolutely ridiculous what they want from me.” Source: NBC News.

Ex-aide won’t comply with subpoena, says Trump ‘may have done something’ was originally published on NewsVomit

[stylish-alastor]

Abyssmalsavior/Azurefiend/Demifiend-Hitoshura/Kashima-Naokishin | Crownedclowngirl | Glowingibyss | Loveismysword+  Masterpost [DIAMOND EDITION]

REPOST TIME! Since Tumblr is a piece of shit and made all the links on the original post defunct as soon as I hit Save on it, after I took an exhausting amount of time fixing and re-testing what links I could get to. 

soft edit: Apparently the links in the post are showing up now, strikethroughs and all. ... Yeah, I guess you can just head to the OP and reblog that. I’ll just keep this here.

Cursory reading before I go into this a little further, as some people have covered evidence of this individual’s antics in their respective dealings with her.

[ Amendment note: due to deactivations, archives, url switches, or a combination of these situations, some links have been struck out to show that the post source no longer exists and was not reblogged or preserved in any capacity (my bad!). They will otherwise remain as they are, but with additional links. The links provided are separated from the old links with a || symbol. 

Also, anony.ws got shut down and the Tumblr meta redirect otherwise leads to malware or something, so I advise just... not trusting any anony.ws links at all on this post until I can find the replacements for the images.

The links near the bottom quoting abyssmalsavior and her many antics will not be struck out, however, as they are either direct quotes from her, from people that have dealt with her and their assessment of her behavior, or otherwise describe the intent of the post. ] @terminusvitae​ [ Link 1 ], [ 2 ], [ 3 ], [ 4 ], [ 5 ], [ 6 ] || [ 7 ], [ 8 ], [ 9 ], [ 10 ], [ 11 ], [ 12 ], [ 13 ], [ 14 ], [ 15 ], [ 16 ] @thespellweaver​ [ Link 1 ], [ 2 ], [ 3 ], [ 4 ], [ 5 ] || [ 6 ], [ 7 ], [ 8 ], [ 9 ], [ 10 ]

@temen-ni-gru  [ START HERE ], [ THEN HERE ], [ Link 1 ], [ 2 ], [ 3 ] || [ 4 ], [ 5 ], [ 6 ], [ 7 ], [ 8 ], [ 9 ], [ 10 ], [ 11 ], [ 12 ], [ 13 ], [ 14 ], [ 15 ], [ 16 ], [ 17 ], [ 18 ], [ 19 ], [ 20 ], [ 21 ], [ 22 ], [ 23 ], [ 24 ], [ 25 ]

@indifferenceismyshield literally the entire blog. check it out. They’re doing the Lord’s work.

And there’s even an Encyclopedia Dramatica page about her bullshit back on DeviantArt close to a decade ago, which she never stops bringing up. DeviantArt, I mean, not ED. if there’s anyone else I might’ve missed, feel free to reblog and add your own links. [ Amendment note: screenshots provided through reblogs of this masterpost, recent evidence, and found evidence of her past dealings have been added to the masterpost. preceded by [a1.#] Ctrl+F a1. to scroll down to them. The previous a0.# points have been unbolded. ] Now, you might be wondering (although I’d hope not), “Wow, how can someone be capable of causing this much trouble with multiple people?”  Simple. She’s a moron that thinks she can get away with paper-thin attempts at catfishing. She vainly tries to attempt separating her main three blogs (crownedclowngirl, abyssmalsavior, and glowingibyss) from each other while keeping CCGs sideblogs (of which soravalentine is obviously part of, as well as ninjaprincessyuffie) and GIs sideblogs (GI a.k.a. dark-mistress-shiro and demoniccielaphantomhive) obvious as hell, but somehow it didn’t occur to her that we can tell they’re the same person, primarily because I can see her IP looking at specific posts I make/reblog just before she responds to them or reacts on any of the aforementioned blogs, even though I made a post this morning highlighting it. I reblogged a post originating from her abyssmalsavior account. These are her anons, posing as “Vincent-mun” (a.k.a. gothic-gunman, a glowingibyss sideblog). This is her IP looking at my post after having specifically gone to the inbox. Timestamps, they work like magic. I made my post almost calling her a brain-dead lemur. This is her IP looking at that post. This is her response, on abyssmalsavior, after exiting specifically from my post’s url to her Reblog page. I reblogged posts from crownedclowngirl on Dec 10th as receipts? Oh look, her IP looking at the posts on my blog, then she got upset about it, or something. That happened on the 18 of November too, come to think of it. Oh shit, turns out I searched all those times the same IP visited my blog-- they happen to be the times either crownedclowngirl and abyssmalsavior had something to say to/about me concerning their own bad behavior which I was keeping track of. Oops. Pray tell, how does she try defending her catfishing? Looking through the archive apparently it involves insisting that “tumblr staff confirmed we don’t have matching IPs” even though I-- you know what? Let’s highlight how stupid that is.  First she makes a post getting pissy about my behavior as if she has any right, and there’s some passing mention about how her grandmother just died, as if she ever really gave a fuck about her grandmother, but I’ll get to that in a moment. There’s mention of crownedclowngirl being physically present with her. As in, they live in the same general area and could visit each other at any given moment. Now, considering archives on Tumblr display posts from left to right, most recent to least recent, this means she said crownedclowngirl was physically in the same place she was, then she reblogs a post from CCG saying “tumblr confirmed we don’t have matching IPs” and the response? “Oh I forgot about that”. The stupidity of that statement is pointed out courtesy of @cambixnisms. Abyssmal and CCG then proceeded to have a conversation with each other by posting/reblogging each other about personal things instead of talking to the other person.  It’s not even that subtle, she makes 0 effort to make herself act like different people in different places when she outs herself readily by posting personal information. Crownedclowngirl was downloading an MMO when she resided in Matagorda County (in the Bay City area) with her grandmother. Matagorda “comprises the Bay City, TX Micropolitan Statistical Area, which is also included in the Houston-The Woodlands, TX Combined Statistical Area.” The IP address listed on many screenshots thus far is Humble, Texas. Humble is “a city in Harris County, Texas, United States, within the Houston metropolitan area.” Assuming that IP address only belonged to Abyssmalsavior, she happened to post about “local news” concerning two day care workers being fired over a transgender student, and the event in question happened in Katy, Texas. Katy is “a city in the U.S. state of Texas, within Houston–The Woodlands–Sugar Land metropolitan area. The city is located in Harris, Fort Bend, and Waller counties.” Humble and Katy have Harris County in common, and there’s another county separating both those cities from Matagorda. This is what their locations would be if highlighted on [a section of] a map of Texas. She didn’t even try hiding that they’re all in Texas, you all can see that. She doesn’t try typing differently. All three main blogs and their established sides make the same typos. “Forum” instead of “form”: on abyssmal: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] ; on ccg: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] ”Tows” instead of “those” “Ano” instead of “anon”: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] “Deformation” instead of “defamation”: on abyssmal: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ]  ; on glowingibyss: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] ; on crownedclowngirl: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] She’s tried halfway owning up to the typos by calling them “common disability markers” on more than one occasion-- the point being, all “three” of these users have dyslexia, in the same form of it that means they type the same way, somehow. Which is funny, because that means someone was being lied to about a disability they all shared and easily copped to having, or they were just covering up for abyssmal and making excuses, which isn’t that hard to assume. Whether or not she has autism or dyslexia, a) that is not an excuse for shitty behavior, as a 30 year old woman she will be held accountable, and b) there’s still obviously something wrong with her when even an anon points it out. How does she get away with talking to a behavior specialist about someone she knows, discussing confidential information, when they’re not even family? Friend or not, that’s not what people in any remotely medical field do. Add to that, the same opinions and the same expression of those opinions. Somehow both abyssmal and crownedclowngirl felt the need to reblog a post about Rose Quartz (from Steven Universe) and compare people turning white characters into POC and increasing representation of POC in media (racebending) to being exactly as harmful as making an obviously big character skinny and erasing the representation associated with it (fat-shaming), then saying racebending is awful because we get less white people, and reacting nastily when someone replies to that.  CCG and GI are both half-Irish and heavily concerned with representation of the Irish in media (especially Disney) and how bad they have it in terms of stereotyping and racism-- really? What are the chances? Calling someone a butt-hurt diva and a bitch? That sounds awfully familiar... Let me get this out of the way, what are the chances both CCG and AS had grandmothers whom were very ill and required frequent/overnight hospital stays and visits, and that AS would start mentioning hers around the same time CCG stopped mentioning hers? Not that abyssmal really cared, seeing as how her first priority when mentioning that her grandmother is dying is “don’t shit talk me” not “I hope she passes on painlessly” or something. Using your grandma as a shield from criticism is bad form no matter how you slice it. Now that we’ve established they’re all the same person, what exactly is she guilty of? Let’s start with literally everything. [a0.1] first and foremost, suicide baiting attempts against both timcxnpy and knifeofshinra. The post warning the fandom against abyssmalsavior is here, and the claim was corroborated by kos through abuse-archives.  “I’m not sorry I just told you your friend isn’t suicidal she’s just a bitch” mistreatment of CSA survivors as told by the anti-anti-wincest blog [a0.2] the mistreatment in more detail: telling survivors of child sexual abuse how to use the term and what to call themselves; “dickhead dumbass sjw”; ”worthless piece of garbage”; defending their calling a rape victim a slut; “no survivor would demean themselves unless they felt they were guilty”; “you aren’t a hater are you? because if you are I was waiting for someone to SINK my claws into tonight ill be happy to rip you a new hole"; “CSA survivor is not a thing and will never BE a thing!”; “CSA IS NOT AN ANAGRAM FOR CHILD SEX ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!” ; “CSA as Child sex assault IS NOT A FUCKING THING AND WILL NEVER BE A FUCKING THING GET OVER IT”; as told by glimmeringgoldenearl-- “you condone pedophila, abuse, bad bdsm, and other things”; as told by countess-claudia-phantomhive-- “seriously assuming that everyone on here that says they are victims of Child Sex Abuse is faking it”; as told by shironais-- “you not only support pedophilia, but you also feel the need to insult people who want to share their thoughts with yours”; as told by beauty-trainer-molly-- “You refuse to tag your gross sebaciel and when people ask you nicely you become this bellowing ass hat who insults them and refuses”. “No one of value wants to hear your bullshit” (note: cedfiaisabadship has an faq that explains why that’s a bad ship, as well as the role of pro-pedophilic fiction in grooming children for sexual abuse, and if it wasn’t obvious enough, fiction affects reality.) [!!!] ”TRASHIEST BULLSHIT ENTITLEMENT PIECE OF GARBAGE EVER” [!!!] wtf are nasty grams [!!!] ”whore cam”???  [!!!] false accusations against thespellweaver [a0.3] more false accusations, note that this post was made after she mass-deleted her posts on abyssmalsavior to hide evidence of her wrongdoing.  [a1.1] hopping on an alt blog, fallen-nobility, to tell user tayvents that “YOUR AN ASSHOLE GO TO HELL”, and continuing to tell them to go to hell over a ship. [a1.2] "the wikia is fucked up and your an asshole [...] she owned your ass admit it and move the fuck on! [...] GO CHEW ON YOUR FUCKED UP CRAP YOU MORON” [a0.4] admitting that they would set up a new blog [zoomed in version] separate from abyssmalsavior. proceeds to create the azurefiend blog with the same character, same theme, same writing style, and proceeds to send message as azurefiend, quickly outing herself as abyssmal. [a1.3] created neitherdevilnorman, and also outs herself as abyssmal on ‘norman’ by having the same opinion on ‘statcounter is spyware’/ ‘works completely on spyware’ / ’it’s a Trojan’, and claiming to have blocked blogs that have never spoken to that specific person, as well as having ‘knowledge’ (I use this term loosely) of the drama between temen-ni-gru and abyssmalsavior. tayvents counters the ‘statcounter is spyware’ lie [ here ], [ here ], and [ here ]. The last link is in reply to an anon that calls thespellweaver and stylish-alastor ‘full of shit’. sent herself anons on neitherdevilnorman calling thespellweaver a ‘drama ho’. [a1.4] created the loveismysword blog and pretends to be an anti-hate ‘zen’ blog, only to defend her alt accounts and excuse their gross, homophobic behavior. admits their bias in the following post. outs herself as abyssmal and other alts by continuing to insist that statcounter is a spyware program with no proof, and uses “ghetto” as an insult and defends such word usage by claiming “words have more than one meaning”. also creates the ‘loveismyswordblockedthembecause’ blog to spread more misinformation and lies about the blogs she’s been blocking. callout post by thespellweaver concerning that, and another from thespellweaver countering the claim that ‘statcounter is spyware’. additional counters from putesco, ventus-ven-for-short, and roxas-number-thirteen. [a1.5] created kashima-naokishin, and outed herself as abyssmal using common misspellings found in other alt blogs, as well as carrying drama between mvpsatan and thespellweaver, using SJW as a pejorative term, insisting on “settling timeline issues” concerning DMC and SMT: Nocturne in exactly the same way as all other Naoki blogs in recent time, and again throwing a baseless accusation that “[statcounter] asks for information it’s not supposed to have”. committing this grievous crime against language (also, “my IQ is borderline genius”? lmao that’s 2nd grader “Broly’s power is maximum” levels of bullshit) “excuse you and go to hell” (but “I HAVE NEVER disrespected anyone”??? lol) “private conversations need to remain private”, proceeds to slam someone in public for defending Chaos-mun and claiming “I DON’T OWE YOU JACK SHIT” [a1.6] misgenders Chaos-mun yet again, lies about it by making up conversations, and brings up “old dead drama” by reblogging a post made a month ago harassment of minors and other people flipping shit when someone tells her to respect others and show proper etiquette shitting on SoraKairi shippers (or at least people who are sick of shipping-related Kairi hate) "I owe you nothing more or less than an ass kicking right now” [a0.5] “I confessed that I wanted to shoot one really dirty whore bitch back then [...]  when the universe deals with this bitch its gonna be a fate worse than death and something more evil than I could imagine and I want to see that more than i want to shoot her in her fucking face” [a0.6] “Im gonna indulge because you deserve nothing but the worst spite hatred and vile claws ripping down your back you vain little slut”; [!!!] “WHORE BITCH IS LUCKY I DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE LIVES BECAUSE I’M IN A MOOD TO REND THE FLESH FORM HER BODY FOR THIS THAT’S HOW FUCKING PISSED I AM.[...] maybe the universe will appease me more than physically torturing a little cyberbully dike if I choose to ignore my murderous intentions.” [a0.7] “she is a LYING WHORE who I will see banned for harassing me” [a1.7] for irony, these are her anons harassing people to circumvent them blocking her. on stylish-alastor: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] and one added instance of her blog-camping. [a0.8] complaining about mutual only role players  co-opting someone else’s roleplay confession post to victimize herself fatshaming. apparently fanart portraying a character as fat is an insult to people who lose weight. it slaughters a character’s development. but then she can’t decide whether to do that or skinny-shame by calling thin women “twigs” and “stick figures” “people need to stop saying I can’t handle rejection” but the rules on her Yuffie blog give the exact impression that can’t handle rejection or being told ‘no’ wanting demonic ciel to be ageless like Sebastian to "fuck[ing] with every ship hater ever by making shota art on one hand and adult porn videos on the other”, which, well, if she didn’t sound like a pedophile before, she does with that one. [a1.8] using ‘loveismysword’ to continue attacking tayvents over tay’s refusal to do a pedophilic ship. their post addresses tay as “upset user” and paints her as abusive, tay’s counterpost here proves no abusive behavior came from her. Also sent a message to tayvents, “We are not sorry we do not see justification for your actions”, and kept insisting that she was hostile. capslock raging at someone calling Grell trans, later tries to defend it on abyssmal by saying “hackers did it” [a0.9] “GREL isn’t CIS HES GAY YOU PRICK”; “I WILL RUIN YOU BITCH! [...] I RUIN YOU with NO MERCY and NO REGRETS!”; “GO TO HELL I am sick and fucking tired of this crap like I'm gonna listen to a loser prick like you”  in general just being a massive (inexcusably so) knob-end and not even in a remotely satisfying way [a1.9] pretends to be sole arbiter of what constitutes having a panic attack. accuses a user of having faked it -- “that user is not showing aftereffects of a panic attack at all”--  just because they might have been on an alternate blog during said attack, when it’s likely used as a coping method. called out courtesy of an anon here. to compare: lord-kuran, a known alt, called said user a “greedy bitch” and also accused them of lying about their attack.

Signal boost, and if there is anything more to add, please do so in the reblogs. Hopefully this post won’t need more amendments, but I won’t hold my breath.

[wavenetinfo]

Photographer Tyler Shields doesn’t want to explain what he’s trying to say in his latest, and very arresting, photo, which features comedian Kathy Griffin holding a replica of President Donald Trump’s bloodied, decapitated head in her hand.

On Tuesday, the gory and shocking image debuted and instantly drew quite a bit of outrage. The president’s son Donald Trump Jr. called it “disgusting” in a tweet and others on the social media platform have slammed the graphic photo as “wrong” and “pure evil.” However, this isn’t anything Shields and Griffin didn’t expect, the photographer — who is known for making provocative pictures like this — tells EW.

Griffin addressed the image on Twitter:

2/ OBVIOUSLY, I do not condone ANY violence by my fans or others to anyone, ever! I’m merely mocking the Mocker in Chief.

— Kathy Griffin (@kathygriffin) May 30, 2017

Shortly after the picture started circulating, EW hopped on the phone for a quick conversation with Shields about the new photo.

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY: How did you come up with the concept for this picture? TYLER SHIELDS: We’d been talking about doing something and she said to me, “I’m not afraid to get political if you want or make a statement if you want.” It’s always a collaborative process, especially with someone like Kathy, but it was one of those things where we didn’t know exactly what we were gonna do until we got there. Then, once we got there, it just kind of escalated into that. There were a bunch of different ideas thrown around and then, I was like, “This is the one we gotta do.”

Was this a one-day shoot?  Yeah.

Where did you get the Trump bust at on such short notice?  The shoot happened in one day, but we’d been talking about it for a while. We were able to source some things and do stuff like that before… We had about 10 different ideas and we had the props and we had the things there for them, but then on the day, it was like, “This is the one. This is the one to do for sure.”

Why did you want to pursue this one specifically? A few different things. Obviously, there’s the freedom of speech thing, which is great. It’s such a timely image. We see millions of visuals every day and to make something that really stands out is very difficult now. I think that this has the potential to make people stop for a second and say, “What is that?”

Were you worried that this might incite violence? Many have accused Trump of doing this with the comments he has made. No, I’m never the guy that’s like, “We’re making this piece of art so people are gonna go hurt other people because of it.” I always look at it like, when you make something, it makes people not want to do it. That’s just me personally. But again, the great thing about making something like this is that, look, you make it and people have their opinion on it and that’s the fun of it. A compliment and an insult are the same thing; the insult just takes longer to write.

While you were putting this together, were there any other concerns? There’s a behind-the-scenes video (see below) which just went live and literally in the video, we’re watching one of the videos that we were filming and Kathy’s honest reaction was, “We’re gonna have to move to Mexico because they’re gonna put me in jail.” Now again, fortunately, we have freedom of speech [in the first amendment] and all art is generally protected by these things, but again, this was her first thought, “Will you bail me out of jail?” You know, again, it wasn’t, “I don’t want to do this because I might go to jail.” It was like, “Well, I’m gonna do it and whatever happens, happens.”

Do you think you would’ve done this shoot if it were any other president? I don’t know. I was obviously alive during Clinton, Bush, the other Bush, Obama, and now this. It’s interesting. I’d say Trump is probably the most polarizing president that we’ve ever had. I’ve heard more things about him already in this presidency than I remember hearing about Clinton’s, probably, entire term. But I was a very young man, so it was different. He’s the social media president. So, look, it’s not even about him. It’s just about the whole thing of where we’re at right now as a society and he just happens to be the one speaking at that.

What did you mean by “it’s not even about him”? What did you and Kathy want to say with this? I think to her, it’s absolutely about him. I can’t speak for her, obviously. For me, presidents are symbols. They’re symbols. They reflect some people’s ideals and they reflect the opposite of some other people’s ideals. Right now, this guy is the opposite of a lot of people’s ideals. But also, there’s a lot of people that think he’s great. That’s their own opinion, their own idea. Again, I can’t sit here and tell you that someone is not allowed to have their opinion. That’s why I’m allowed to make this art. For me, that’s more what this is about. You can have your opinion. There’s the famous quote, “I don’t agree with you, but I’ll defend your right to say it.” I might not agree with him, she definitely doesn’t agree with him, but I’ll defend my right to be able to say whatever I want until I die.

Is testing the first amendment the driving ethos behind the project? Again, you have Kathy’s ideal of it and then you have that other side of it. Look to me, I see both sides of it. My biggest thing is I like to make something and I don’t like to explain, “Well this is what you have to see when you see this.” I like to make this and let other people figure out what it means to them. Yeah, I do think that the amendment and the freedom of speech are very important things that have existed in my life. If those things didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be able to make 90 percent of the work that I make. Also, if this was a different time or a different country, I’d probably be killed right now for these photos.

You mentioned how Kathy made that joke about bailing her out of prison. Did you give any more thought to what the public backlash would be? That’s the beautiful thing about stuff like this: there’s always going to be backlash. I think a lot of people fear backlash. It’s this thing of, “Well, I want everyone to like me. I want everyone to like the work that I make,” especially young artists. You want people to love you, but part of that is that if you make things that are polarizing, people are gonna hate it. I think there will be a lot of people who will absolutely hate this, but again, that’s the beauty of it. That’s the fun of making things. Am I saying that anyone should actually be killed? No, it’s like a movie. How many movies are there where the president gets killed or this happens? Tons upon tons. But again, when it’s an image, especially an image like this, people don’t see it like that. They see it as reality and that’s why it’s so shocking to some people.

Why do you think people are fine watching a movie but take an image like this as reality? That’s a whole other conversation, which is really interesting. The most death threats that I’ve ever gotten from an image was over a girl with a black eye and the black eye was fake. It was a fake black eye. Well, how does that make any sense? But, that’s the beautiful thing about a still image is that they grow legs and they run off on their own. With a movie, people sit down and they know it’s a movie. But if you make an image… If you do a good job, basically, people can’t tell if it’s real or fake — which is fun, but you have to be willing to have people not know what it is and to be really upset about it.

You mentioned you considered several other ideas for the shoot. What were some of those ideas?  We never shot any of them, but Kathy had an idea which was filling an entire bathtub full of Cheetos, which she would be nude in, and which I thought was really funny. I advised against that because I think the Cheetos would’ve probably destroyed her bathtub. I just don’t think you ever get that out. So that was one. I wanted to get an American flag ball gag for her, but it just didn’t look good. But, that’s part of the process. You have different ideas and sometimes they’re stupid, sometimes you never do them, and sometimes they’re great but they just don’t work in the photograph. But that’s the fun of it. The right idea always shines.

It sounds like you weren’t necessarily looking to do something political.  Again, we shot other stuff as well. I shot her in this latex one piece and made her look at like an ’80s supermodel. Again, Kathy said to me, “I’m not afraid to make a statement and I’m down to get political if you want.” It wasn’t like, “We have to do something political.” She’s not afraid of it and I’m not afraid of it. I was like, “Let’s do it.” It was, how far are you willing to go, and she was willing to go pretty far.

30 May 2017 | 8:45 pm

Chancellor Agard

Source : EW.com

>>>Click Here To View Original Press Release>>>

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