#so i… broke the fast and ate something at like 1am. then woke up in agony at 5am and then again at 9am and had a breakdown / fight with my

[pepprs]

ok i survived yom kippur. but it took every single scrap of strength in my body and i’m not completely better yet

[lovemesomesurveys]

Which supermarket do you usually shop at? There’s one near our house if we’re getting just a few things, but we do our grocery shopping at Wal-Mart.

When was the last time you went to McDonald’s? I had that for dinner this past Saturday. 

Could you go a whole day without your computer? My time on it may vary, but I go on it everyday. I’d have to reallyyyy not be feeling well to not go on at all, ha. Or actually out doing stuff for most of the day, but that’s rare.

What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think it was a Kit-Kat.

Tell me about the last dream you remember having. Who was in it, and what happened? I don’t recall.

Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I have no idea. I haven’t used Skype in yearssssss.

Do you like to listen to music or watch TV while you’re studying, or do you find it too distracting? I’d have the TV on for background noise while studying. Sometimes I’d listen to music. I don’t like when it’s completely silent. Can you remember the first time you ever talked to the person you love/like? Does he/she remember? I don’t like anyone in that way. Did anyone/anything upset you today? Not so far, but it’s only been today for forty minutes. Do you develop crushes easily? No, but if I do fall for someone then I fall fast. What’s the most attractive physical feature of the last person you kissed? Besides me finding him physically attractive in general, I liked his lips. ha. Would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn’t find attractive, if they had a nice personality and treated you well? Someone with a good personality and treats me well is the most important thing. That can make a person attractive, too. Of course we also have to vibe. I may find see someone who is physically attractive and that’s what catches my interest initially, but if their personality sucks then forget it. Or after getting to know someone who maybe I didn’t see in that way initially became attractive to me because of our connection and their personality. Get what I mean? Does the last person you kissed have brown eyes? Yes.

Have you ever really liked someone to begin with, then changed your mind about them? I didn’t “change my mind”, it was just that for whatever reason we drifted apart of the connection wasn’t there anymore. I didn’t feel the same anymore, I moved on.

How many arguments have you had with the person you have feelings for? --

What’s the most painful experience you’ve ever had with a significant other? You don’t have to go into detail, just talk briefly about it. Just the whole Joseph mess that I’ve talked about several times. 

Are you 100% happy with yourself as a person? If not, what would you like to change about yourself? Ha! Noooooope. Not even close, buddy.

Did your last received text message have any swearwords in it? No.

Are you missing anyone right now? Where is that person? Yes. I miss a few someones. Three have passed away, and the other I’m not sure where they are. Seeing how it’s almost 1AM, I’m going to assume they’re home, but I don’t know.

Do people ever misspell your name? Some just ask if I spell it with “ph” or “f.” Most people automatically spell it the way I do, which is “Stephanie.”

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone, for more than half an hour? What did you talk about? I have no idea. I’m so not on a phone, so I can’t recall the last time I was on the phone for that long. If I have a phone call, it’s brief. 

Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you? Something like that.

Do you use flavoured lip balm? If you do, what’s your favourite flavour? Sometimes. Not currently, though.

Are you wearing anything red? Nope.

How old is the last female you texted? 50.

Have you ever dreamed about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I’m single. 

What colour is the settee in your living room? Our couches are tan.

Has your ex fallen in love with anyone else, since the two of you broke up? I don’t know. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I was nervous/anxious.

Could you forgive a significant other that cheated on you? I don’t know.

How did you feel when you woke up today? How are you feeling now? I haven’t gone to bed, but I can bet that I’ll feel tired. It’s also how I currently feel. 

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to make you smile? What colour are that person’s eyes? My brother made me laugh earlier. His eyes are brown.

When was the last time you looked at your significant other/crush’s Facebook profile? --

Does your significant other/crush know about your Tumblr? Does he/she look at it? --

Put any music player on shuffle. What’s the first song that’s chosen? What does the song talk about? Nah.

Do you ever feel a desire for sex at inappropriate times? No.

What was the last thing that one of your parents bought for you? My mom bought me coffee creamer yesterday. haha.

If you married the last person you Facebook messaged, what would your new last name be? Rogers.

Name the last 3 people you hugged, and explain why you hugged them. My mom, a friend, my friend’s mom. Because I wanted to.

Did you get any compliments today? No. It’s 1AM, I’m in bed in my pjs and my hair is a mess. Not sure what compliments I’d be getting. 

What would you do if you found Aragog sitting in your bath? What?

The last time you went to the hairdressers, what did you have done? I got my hair colored.

What was the last swearword you used? “Hell.”

If someone likes you, but you’re not interested, how would you tell them? Would you let them down gently, or be blunt about it? I would let them down gently. No reason to be mean about it. I know how it feels and being rejected sucks enough as it is. I’d feel bad.

Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? Yes.

Think about your first boyfriend/girlfriend. Did that person make you happy? What went wrong in the relationship? At first, yeah. I just realized I wasn’t ready for a relationship, and I didn’t feel the same way anymore. He was coming on too strong, too fast. I felt we better off as friends, which is what we were before we dated. If you decided to dye your hair, would you choose to go lighter or darker? I’ve been dying it red for two years.

How recently did you talk to the person you love/like? What was he/she doing at that point? --

Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? Yes. I just didn’t feel like we vibed. I wasn’t interested in that way. You just click with some people, and some people you don’t.

Name the last 5 people that messaged you on Facebook, and tell me a funny story about them. Naaaaah.

[angstymcspicy-blog]

where do I start. is this a sad story? just a phase? or maybe it’s the pms talking. I'd always tell my friends though,  “You feel what you feel so don’t deny that.”

-

I have no recollection how we ever got so close. You used to scare me sometimes - getting mad (pretty easily), strongly opinionated and just your mere default expression could undoubtedly scare our friends off. amidst all of that, I guess what I found was a soul that was ever so giving and full of love (despite the exterior) but also a tad bit more broken as each day passed.

we were probably 15 when we became friends and found solace in each other. we’d talk all day in school and all night when we got back home. everything under the sun - from school to what we ate to how much we hated Math to what we felt inside.

I was glad I could be your outlet. I really was. it made me feel like I could do something for you. made me feel important to you as we delve deeper into each other. hence the next 2 years were amazing.

being in the same school allowed us to understand each other so much better and being there for each other was purely out of love even while encompassed by the dreary environment of deciding the next step of our lives.

the next series of events sounds cliche but we went to different schools, fell under different circumstances, had different worries and eventually our time for each other decreased depressingly.

my time was robbed from my course of studies and my growing passion of dance that my entire life took a huge switch. I would spend days not having seen my family’s faces for weeks. when I woke up for school, everyone was off for work and when I came home, everyone’s fast asleep. honestly, I merely had time to breathe, even for myself.

a lot of emotional toils and too many a times where I broke down at home. and thats where I found myself developing anxiety, only 2nd year in pre-college.

no one in particular knew, except for the friend who happened to be right beside me. it wasn’t anything to be proud of, or advertised as well.

maybe thats the reason why I get so uncomfortable and defensive when people on social media claim to have “anxiety” and publicise their breakdowns to their few hundreds of following. I'd never understand.

but I guess that’s where it - me and you breaking apart - all started.

my studies weren't fantastic but I was trying so hard to hold on by. I didn't have stellar results, I wasn't an ace in any particular module and neither did the teachers particularly take note of me as I ghosted most of the time, too tired from rehearsals that ended at 12/1am each night.

my friends close to me could understand how much I was giving but some others just couldn't. in my eyes, I was trying to make ends meet. not disappointing my peers in school, not ending up to be the lecturer’s enemy, trying to be there for each and every rehearsal and at the same time, making sure that I was still a part of your life.

maybe I didn’t reply proper to your texts, maybe I wasn't as concerned, maybe I forgot to reply you, maybe I didn't ask how your day was going, maybe I grew to know less about you, maybe I didn't try hard enough.

if I were to make an excuse to justify myself to you - maybe I was just trying to survive as well.

our texts grew lesser to a point it stopped. we didn't text everyday, we wouldn't know everything about each other anymore. that’s when you sent me a text asking if everything was okay between us cause you feel like we grew more than just distant from each other, it felt like we didn't want to be by each other anymore.

thats when I reassured you all was fine and that if anything, its just me trying to make my ends in life meet. but I guess that’s where the wall between us was just starting to build.

fast forward, 5 years later, I asked you the same - for reassurance that there’s no distrust between us and if there was anything I could do more as friend for you, never hesitate to tell me. that’s when you replied, “nah we’re cool”. that’s when reality slapped me in the face letting me know - that we’re not.

I grew to know less about you, we talked a lot less, didn’t really make an effort to see each other even if we knew we could and suddenly, it felt like we went back to square one. felt like I never knew you at all.

I found myself telling you more and more about myself in the hopes that it’d break the barrier but it only grew to be me being comforted by you and I could never find myself doing the same for you. it became one-sided when I tried arranging times when we could meet but I'd continually get rejected. 

then came a time when I found myself to be the most vulnerable and I wanted to make a decision alongside you. called you for to come to meet so we could talk things out but you said you couldn’t make it. I didn’t want to understand but I had to. so I went for drinks that night. and I broke down. cause I found out you’d rather be somewhere else instead. and it hurt. it hurt badly.

honestly, after that very day, I couldn't look at you the same anymore. I couldn’t  blame anyone else and that’s just how it is with anxiety. I love you so much that I’m convinced the problem is with me after all. 

I'm the reason why we ended up like this.

So I tried, after 2 years, try to fix what was once so broken and till now, to no avail. 

yesterday you asked me if anything’s wrong - I wanna say that its you, its you that’s been on my mind all along. But I can only say “it’s me. I'm always the issue.”

and that’s why I ended up this way. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Are you a patient person? Ha, nopeee.

Are you unsure about your feelings for someone? Yes, actually.

Your ex says leaving you was a mistake, you say? Yeah, you’re right. You’re just a little too late.

Who did you last hang out with? Some friends a few weeks ago.

Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car? Oh, hands down I’d take the money.

What song are you currently listening to? I’m not. I’m listening to/watching a show.

Are you happy with your relationship? I’m single.

Who was the last person to smoke something other than a cigarette or weed in front of you? No one.

Does anything on your body hurt? Something always does.

Does the last person you shared a bed with mean anything to you? Yes, it was my mom.

If the last person you kissed were calling you right now, would you answer? Honestly, no. I’d prefer that he texted me.

In the run of a week, how many times do you straighten your hair? I haven’t straightened my hair in a long time. Probably a year.

Are you mad at someone right now? No.

Last thing someone gave you? Food.

Who woke you up this morning? I haven’t gone to bed, yet (it’s 12:28AM), but my alarm wakes me up every morning.

Who is your favorite family member on your mom’s side? I’m really close with one of my aunts, as well as one of my cousins.

What do you do in your spare time? All I have is spare time because I don’t have anything else to do, so I rest, Tumblr, watch TV, read, and color now and then.

Who was the last person you were under a blanket with? No one.

Where is the last person you kissed? I don’t know? I assume he’s at home since it’s almost 1AM, but I have no idea.

What was the last thing you ate? Some Oreos.

Which of your friends is the most likely to get pregnant right now? Maybe my friend, Amanda. She’s been married for almost two years now, and  I know at some point she would like to start a family.

Do you remember the meanest thing the last person you kissed ever said to you? Yes.

What does your last outgoing text say? I don’t know. I don’t feel like checking.

Have you ever been called prince/ princess? Yes.

Waiting for something? Yes.

Last time you saw one of your ex’s? Last July.

Have you kissed anyone when you’re single? Yes.

What are you doing this weekend? This weekend is over, I didn’t do anything. I don’t have any plans for next weekend, either.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? I have so far, and I have no desire to ever start.

Have you ever kissed someone who was in a relationship? No.

Where is your biological father right now? He’s asleep.

Where is the biggest scar on your body? Down my back.

How late did you stay up last night? Until 2ish.

Have you had your birthday this year yet? No, my birthday isn’t until July.

You had to kiss the last person you texted, would you? I believe the last person I texted was my mom, and I kiss her on the cheek sometimes.

What would you call your body type? Thin.

Are you a morning person? I’m barely a person.

Have you ever been to Target? Yes, many, many times throughout my life. I love Target.

Do you like iced tea? It’s not my go-to, but yeah it’s good. I haven’t had any in like over a year, probably.

When is the next time you’ll be at work? I don’t have a job.

Has anyone ever hacked your accounts before? Yes. Not on here, but on other social media accounts.

Could you ever be friends with someone that broke your heart? I tried to remain friends with Joseph. I guess we were, but for me the feelings were still there and that made it hard.

Ever made a prank phone call? Yes. My friends and I did that sometimes in middle school. We were stupid.

Does your mom vacuum early in the morning, when you’re sleeping? No.

Have you ever been in a car accident? No. *knock of wood*

Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? Nope.

Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? No.

Have you ever had stitches? I’ve had several.

Name a time when you had to be strong. I’ve felt that way many times in my life.

Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? No.

Have you ever lost someone close to death? if so, how many? Yes, I’ve experienced three losses of loved ones.

Have you ever had any volunteer jobs? I’ve volunteered at a few places.

Have you gone through a lot emotionally growing up? I’ve had my disability since I was almost a year old, and with that came many doctor appointments, a few surgeries, not feeling well, and frustrations. I was a pretty tough kid, but I can’t say all of that didn’t get to me at times. At times I wondered what my life would have been like if I didn’t have said disability, and found myself frustrated with things I had to do and things I couldn’t do.

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you? No.

Do you want to see someone this very minute? No thank you.

Are you happy with the way things are going? Absolutely not.

Are you a forgiving person? Yes.

Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace? I let them know if I’m going somewhere, yes. Not because I need permission, but out of common courtesy. If something were to happen, they would have an idea of where I was or where I was heading to and who I was with. It’s just for a peace of mind. My parents inform my brother and I as well. For example, my mom will let me know if she’s doing something after work. Then I’m not worried thinking something might have happened because I was thinking she would be home by a certain time depending on when she got off. It’s just a nice thing to do.

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? No.

Describe how you feel about your life in the past month using one word: Frustrated.

Would you like to go back and change any part of your life? Yes. A lot of things.

When will your next kiss be? I have no idea.

Last person you saw other than your family? One of my doctors.

Will tomorrow be better than today? There isn’t anything in particular going on.

Are you feeling guilty about anything right now? Yes.

What’s going through your mind right now? All the usual crap.

When’s the last time you had fast food? Saturday night.

Do you believe that there’s good in everybody? Unless you’re a murder, abuser, rapist, or child molester. Sorry, I find it pretty hard to see the good in that.

Is it okay if you kiss people when you’re single? So long as they’re single and consenting, sure.

When was the last time you saw someone attractive? I just finished an episode of this show I’m watching that has Alexander Skarsgård in it. ;)

What was the first thing you did when you woke up? I always check the time even though my alarm goes off at the same time everyday, ha. Habit, I guess.

Think back eight months ago, were you single? I don’t have to think that hard about it, yes I was single. I have been for a long time.

What do you carry with you at all times? I take my purse that has my phone and wallet, as well as a few other things.

Are you okay with the life you live? No.

Do you have a Tattoo? Nope.

What other piercings would you get other than the ones you already have? I don’t want any more. I’d be too scared, anyway.

Did your last kiss take place on a bed? No.

Have you ever been to Disney World? Nope. I’ve been to Disneyland a few times, though.

If so, how many times have you been? Zero.

Does grammar and capitalization mean anything to you? Yes.

Are you good at wrapping gifts for others? I’m not so bad. I love wrapping presents.

Do you have a dirty clothes hamper in your room? Yes.

Do you enjoy big holiday dinners? I dooo.

Is your vision good? With my glasses on it is.

Is your present hair color, natural? No, just my overgrown roots. Bleh.

What was the last thing you ordered online? I did all my Christmas shopping online.

Have you ever worn color contacts? Nope. I’m nervous about trying contacts. It freaks me out.

If you have a significant other, how long have you been together? --

Where are your parents as of now? They’re in bed, asleep.

Do you follow a certain religion? Yes.

Do you have any family members who live out of town? Yes.

Do you consider yourself short? Yes because I am.

What room are you in? My room.

Do you listen to any country music? Yeah.

Do you ever watch Lifetime? It’s been awhile. My mom and I used to watch Lifetime movies all day on the weekends back in the day.

Would ever consider having children in the future? I don’t know.

Have you ever lived on a farm? No.

Do both of your parents have jobs? Yes.

If you had the chance to move to a completely different state, would you? Maybe.

What is something you’ve always wanted a boy to do for you? Like me? Want to be in a relationship with me?

What do you wish you had more knowledge about? *shrug* A lot of things.

What food are you craving right now? At this current moment, I’m not craving anything.

How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa? I think around eight.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Countless times.

Do you have a friend you can tell stuff to and you’re sure they won’t tell? Not exactly.

Would you ever get someone’s name tattooed on you? Maybe a close family member if they passed away, or if I ever had any kids, but that would be it.

Does your family have family picnics? No.

If your doctor said you were pregnant, what would you say? You got me mixed up with someone else because I can guarantee you that I am not.