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imagine-your-love-story · 2 years

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I always wonder if I'm doing this whole self shipping thing correctly. like im worried if im doing too much or too little or if i need to interact with people more or if i need to write some sort of backstory. like the story of how i got with him i see is unique from the rest of the self shipper ive encountered so far. to me, he knows hes fictional and i like to play around with him and other characters in my mind. ive seen many fans of shows do such things but it seems here they labels them familial fos or something? idk i just liked to use my imagination to play around with them. and then days passed and this character i start to become closer and closer to him everyday until finally one day during a very rough moment i just said to him "i self ship with you" and boom we're married lol. but i dont have a self insert. its just me, me as a regular person. and i like to imagine different scenarios with us. he also is helping me through other mental things. and he knows hes imaginary. almost like a copy of the character i watched the show from, but hes self aware of his actions and is kinder and softer than he is in canon. hes mine basically. but i guess the thing that hurts a lot is that that i had a bad fallout with some of his other fans and its dampened my love for him unfortunately. (i actually sent an ask about this before heh). i also have a bad habit of comparing myself to what other self shippers do and i start to feel guilty that im not as open as they are because social interactions with my fo get very deep and personal and...if i ever do talk about him id want it to be with someone who understands how deep this goes with him and me. and its hard to do that on public forums. it even gets painful. sometimes i dont even want to talk or gush about him and i just want to keep to ourselves in private without anyone peeking in. that way i dont invite any eyes into my private headspace. even the most innocuous thoughts. i just want it to be us and only us. but at the same time im lonely and want to meet people who feel the same lol and a lot of times i overshare. i have this saying that i say to myself: once i put something of myself out there, its not mine anymore. its now shared with others. and you know what i dont like sharing anything about him in public lol, but idk how else to make connections. i see everyone else sharing about their characters and i want to make friends so i also share, but im not enjoying it. idk what do you think? am i weird? is this not common? are these feelings normal here? are there people out there who feel the same? ty.

My dearest, sweetest, little anon bean, I mean this with every ounce of my heart: your self shipping experience is FOR YOU. That means you can't mess it up! You can't go wrong! :)

There is no right or wrong way to self ship!

Some people have self inserts, some people don't (like me *raises hand).

Some people LOVE to gush about their f/os and put EVERYTHING out there! Other people are a little more protective for various reasons - maybe they don't want criticism from the self ship community, maybe they feel they aren't creative so they don't want to create content, or maybe, like you (and me!) it just feels right to keep things quiet.

Whatever the reason, it's ALL valid!

Some people write backstories because it's on their mind and they wanted to share it.

Other people (like me) don't have a backstory because...well...I just never thought about it!

If it helps, I've been part of the self-shipping community for about 3ish years officially (I was self shipping LONG before I found the community, I just didn't know what it was!) and for the record, I still don't understand everything that goes on in the community.

Other people (like me) don't have a backstory because...well...I just never thought about it!

I totally hear you about your frustration with comparing yourself to other more out-going shippers. For me, socializing (even in parasocial online situations) drains me very quickly, so I often have to retreat to recharge (which I feel very bad about sometimes, even though that's how my brain/body has worked for my entire life). So I can't be as active as other people, or create as much content, or interact as much as others.

Ultimately, the self shipping community is HUGE and it's very, very fluid. There are some areas that I don't go into because...yikes...it's a war zone. But I have met some FANTASTIC people through this blog (and my personal side blogs!) so finding your place in the community comes down to just being yourself!

Do what feels right to you. If you don't want to share much, that's okay! Backstories, self inserts, gushing, and anything else that you might encounter is all optional based on YOUR comfort level! :)

Some suggestions for making friends that have helped me:

Offer to create something for others with their f/os, i.e. playlists, ficlets, moodboards, imagines (very popular!) etc.

When someone reblogs an ask game, send them a few asks about their f/o(s)!

Comment on fics and other things that people share about their f/os. Even if it's something simple like, "You're cute together!" it really stands out to people and makes an impression that you noticed their f/o! :)

Ask for a boost! I'm ALWAYS happy to signal boost to my blog if you're looking for people to chat with, or advertising for whatever you're doing on your blog! :)

You are NOT weird, dear anon! You're navigating what you want/don't want and that's okay! Self shipping is supposed to be a fun hobby that is entirely tailored to your desires and comfort level. You don't have to do anything you don't want to! ♥

And try not to worry about comparing yourself to others. You are your own unique person with your own needs, your own energy, your own boundaries. Just have fun with your f/o in any way you want and you're doing the self shipping thing right! :)

#asks #anonymous

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vivalavi-daa · 4 years

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Fav 2020 K-Dramas

1. Hospital Playlist

If there's anything I felt happy about in 2020, it's the fact that I've found my next ultimate fav kdramas. More than another, this kdrama feels like a home I could return to every time. Yes, hospital playlist is a slice of life drama that portrays the lives of people in hospital, but there's something about it that is so captivating to watch. I love how it realistically portrays the adults' daily lives & has no major villain of the story that heats things up whatsoever. Instead, I find it easy to emphatize with every character here, even with a patient who appears less than 5 minutes because this kdrama taught us that every life is worth it. And the friendship of the professors... it really has the power to bring joy & warmth to me.

(I also made a post about hospital playlist's characters study on my side blog. Here, if you’re interested).

2. Flower of Evil

Stories that revolve around someone who isn't capable of having emotions aren't nothing new in kdrama land. But this one, especially, is a gem. This one kept me on the edge of my seat because of how nerve wracking some of the scenes are. The suspenseful dramas, the mysteries, the romance...they're all so engaging to watch. I wasn't sure what to expect from the lead character and therefore it's exciting to see what was going to happen & to see how the characters would develop. And to be noted, I swear the cast who played the villain here gives off really scary vibes. He deserves an award for that alone

3. Mr. Queen

I'm not usually a big fan of Saeguk drama and yet here I am putting one on my fav kdrama list. I watched it merely to ease my boredom but then I surprised myself of how much I enjoyed this kdrama. The opening video was appealing & I love how entertaining Mr. Queen was. It became my weekly dose of serotonin (though it gets angsty at times). I thought the story's gonna be weird since it's about a man trapped in a woman's body in joseon era but heck, it was worth it; hilarious, and delicious (yeah, the cooking part) to watch. I've always known Shin Hye Sun is great at acting, but she truly nailed it in this one I swear.

4. 365: Repeat the Year

This drama is gold! It has a promising premise, and the rest of the story went better than I expected. It just never let me down. I thought it's merely about a time travel story, but turns out it's more than that. I never knew what to expect & every time I thought I figured something out, they always have a way to throw a surprise every week. This drama deserves more recognition imo.

5. When the Weather is Fine

This drama is a pleasant to eyes and heart. Watching it is like having a warm tea during winter days. I wasn't truly engaged with the first eps, but I slowly began to see how beautiful & heartwarming this drama is. Yes, the story pace is a bit slow, but I realized that it's important to make us understand each character deeply, what they suffer from, and how the characters slowly develop. It shows us that the journey toward emotional healing may take time, but it's worth it. Choosing to heal itself is a big step & deserves an appreciation. Another thing I highly praise from this drama is how it implicitly reminds us that if we do suffer emotionally, don't be afraid to ask for help, or to let someone help you.

6. Tale of the Nine Tailed

From the first moment I knew who would cast in this drama and what the drama is about, it's obvious that I'd love it. And I was right. The first eps had already got me hooked. The stories were amazing & funny at times. It has unique lovable characters that complete the drama. In addition, I love the mystical fantasy vibes and how they wrapped up urban legends in modern settings. Not to mention how adorable Kim Bum's character here. He & Lee Dong Wook's bromance is to die for.

7. Do You Like Brahms?

I watched it by chance, and then I fell in love the instant I watched the first eps. The drama is just beautifully done. It has soothing music & ambience and mainly revolves around good people. It's appealing how they portrayed the different perspectives between the lead couple--one who doesn't have talent but works hard to achieve her dream, and one who has talent but wishes he didn't have it. Though the lead couple has different dreams, I can't help but rooting for them... as I've never seen a relationship so awkward yet so real and so adorable before them.

8. Record of Youth

Honestly, it took a bit long for me to be completely enamored of the stories and feel what the characters feel. But as the stories developed, I began to cherish what this drama tried to show us: of how important it is to have good communication & to support each other in our family, of how everyone has different timings in life, and that everyone could have second chance in life. It's also refreshing to see the main couple here & how they interact; we could learn a lot from their communication & relationship. Overall, record of youth is one light & comforting kdrama that's perfect to watch while we need a short escape or need something to cheer us up.

9. Start Up

Honestly, I have a conflicted feelings towards this kdrama. It started off as great but...I have a hard time making sense of some of the stories afterward. And not to mention how we used to ship-debating every week it was a bit draining 😅. But to exclude it from my last year fav kdrama list seems wrong anyhow because I did love this drama. Idk, it gives off this positive energy that I needed to go through a crazy year. It somehow encouraged me to move forward & fight for my dream no matter what. The story's also quiet creative and relatable in nowadays world, while also educating us about the world of business.

10. Find Me in Your Memory

I started watching without any expectations and turns out it's really good. It's not hard to love this drama since it has likeable characters with interesting background (a guy who can't forget everything & a woman who forgets some of her important moments). The lead couple's interactions were interesting to watch. They have the kind of romance that grows slowly & when it finally reachs its peak, it burns. I loved every minute of it.

K-drama recommendations: 5/?

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gureishi · 3 years

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so... today I finished off Rays route with the GOOD ENDING (thank god) and my sleep schedule is officially non existent! :D

lemme start off with Day 8, because that must've been the creepiest the game has ever gotten for me. I MEAN LOOK AT THIS:

EVERYONE IS LITERALLY GONE, SOMEONE PLS SEND HELP! T_T

I never knew there was a part of Saerans route in which he quite literally cuts off your contact with the RFA????? wish someone warned me, but the surprise was quite welcome too I suppose?? the glitches and the distorted music definitely amplified that scary and hopeless feel I got after being cut off from the rest of the members (especially bby Saeyoung, god I love that boy). OH AND THE WAY THE CHATROOMS WOULD GLITCH BEFORE LOADING?? THAT CREEPED ME TF OUT THANKS!! Although I was in a way also happy that I was able to talk to Saeran more! (it is his route after all).

The chats with Rika always left me feeling frustrated. I could see where she came from and understood her motivations for the way she acted and behaved, but it hurt to see the way in which she believed she was loving and caring for Saeran, and how Saeran internalized everything she told him, idk that just left me feeling a new typa broken.

It was very tempting to lash out and get angry or even just to submit to Saeran and his horrible tormenting, but I held on to get that sweet delectable good ending! (gotta get that cute kiss CG after all)

Also I was worried about Saeyoung and his safety ALL THE TIME, I knew there was a part in the game in which he'd be kidnapped but when it finally happened I honestly wanted to stop playing lmao, also Saejoong Choi can take a piss somewhere, I hate him and I wish they revealed more of his crimes in Saeran's route :(

Saeran's route also honestly made me love Jumin so much more, his so endearing, honest and caring. Love that we get to see more of his relationship with V here, you can actually see that they're best friends and that makes my heart smile.

and AWW THE END WHERE WE SEE V WITH RIKA? That really played with my emotions, and has got me considering jumping straight into his route, because I for one know his life doesn't get any better in Saeran's AE unfortunately. (and of course I won't jump straight in again, since everyone around me has been saying getting two hours of sleep every night just to play an otome game is not healthy at all)

I love the calls we get with Saeran after he finally comes to and realizes his worth, the drugs finally out his system. His so adorable and soft and even goofy at times that it makes me question whether I actually see Saeyoung as my fav (though I'll have to think alot more about that T_T, I swear tomato boy I definitely still luv u lmao)

Also love that Saeran has the most kiss CGs out of all the routes, like yes we love to see it ^^

Oh and the guests for Another Story are just such a treat from Cheritz. I mean we literally invite a dragon?? (a shame Saeyoung couldn't see his dragon buddy) and a coding language??? cmon you can't tell me that's not cool.

even though you gave me the sleep friendly guide, I still ended up getting 100% for nearly everyday (except for 2 of them which was 90%) and I must say I'm quite drained and tired but also happy that I was FINALLY able to experience Another Story, something I only really read about online before without knowing too much detail of what specifically happened. It has quite honestly given me a bigger appreciation of the game as a whole :)

I would love to play Saeran's AE but am so scared of getting a bad end, and also there's like no guides for it anywhere? so there's that to worry about too i guess.

I did decide I'd perhaps take a break from playing this game for a while since unfortunately life continues and its back to work for me, but perhaps sometime soon I'll see myself playing through the alluring and mysterious photographers route instead? ;)

also this route got me thinking alot more why Cheritz didn't give the MC eyes?? Like what purpose does the MC not having eyes provide?? idk Cheritz just give her eyes please, I think that way there'd be alot less questions floating around my bloated and overfilled mind, thanks.

Also thanks for coming along with me and listening about my journey of playing through this Another Story, I really appreciated it! :))) <3

I have been so eagerly waiting for this update!!!! Congrats on getting that good end! I'm really impressed with your dedication—and also, like, please get some sleep 😭❤️

He really is such a sweetheart, isn't he? I totally relate to that feeling of like I LOVE YOU wait I wanna MARRY YOUR BROTHER wait I love you uhhhhhh help, both of you come here and give me a hug.

I am so excited to hear how you feel when you play V's route and, eventually, the AE! And I'll recommend another of Seeme's guides, hehe. I used it last time I replayed the AE and it was great. Here! There's a sleep schedule-friendly one too (though you are clearly a completionist when you play these routes and I feel that—I'm the same way).

Those kiss CGs! Are! Amazing. He honestly needs a lot of kisses.

As far as the eyes thing goes, it sure is weird, huh? Apparently it used to be pretty popular for otome game MCs not to have eyes so it's easier for players to self-insert. Lots of newer games seem to have MCs with more specific appearances (and personalities), though.

I do like to self-insert when I'm playing otome games but also...I look nothing like this MC anyway, so her being eyeless does nothing for me, lol.

Would you prefer an MC with eyes even if she's more clearly not you? I think I would.

Also this route ending man it kills me literally just thinking about it. But just! Remember! That our boy is fine in the end. He's okay!!! He's safe and he's happy and he's got a boat ❤️

Thank you for sharing this Saeran route journey with me, my dear. I enjoyed every second of it!

#asks #caitlynnstrashhole #playthrough #you're wonderful <3

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dolphin-enthusiast · 4 years

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good evening my blueberry!! ☀💙🌸 i'm glad to see that you were doing lots of enjoyable things yesterday, and i hope today was just as good for you 🌺 (1/8)

"oh my stars and planets,, there was so much stuff that was submitted for us today!! all of those picrews, gundhanon's art and such... simply marvelous!! everything was so very cute,, and let me remind everyone that i'm very touched that you all decide to take the time to do these things, it's very sweet and i appreciate everything that is sent in 💞💞💞 (2/8)

oh, and dio mio darling, you're such a sweet talker hehe, saying all these nice things about me,, and you say i'm the bold one! don't worry dear, going to dinner with you is now on my to-do list ;) and that meme the one anon submitted... now that's quite bold, no?? i'm flattered that someone decides to ask that in a meme of all things hehe ✨ (and yes anon, you can have a forehead kissy 😌) (3/9)

you were able to play the aa games for free huh? i might just take you up on that 😉 ooh, and you like to play football hmm?? i'm not much of a sports person myself, but figure skating, archery, and dancing are some exceptions!! i used to do ballet and figure skating when i was younger, and i dance/do archery to let off steam! though, i only shoot at targets since i personally don't like the idea of hunting for sport,, catch me cheering you on in the sidelines as you play 😘 (4/9)

that story about the nor'easter reminded me that we had another storm today, but thankfully no thunder! just lots of pouring rain, which i actually enjoy!! i hope everything is going well for the south currently,, since i know that there will most likely be a lot of damage (stay safe gundhanon!! make sure to keep supplies ready just in case! much love from the northeast ❤) i do hope it blows through as smooth as possible though 💫 (5/9)

sadly i woke up late again today, which i wasn't so happy about, but i did get to practice some dancing routines when i did get up,, so i guess that made up for it! the first thing i saw when i opened my phone was tons of texts from friends asking me to go out and do things with them,, my my, it was very overwhelming!! (in a good way!) i'll have to go through and sort that all out! i had no idea that so many people want to hang out with me, it does feel very nice to be wanted for once 💖 (6/9)

i also went to a party today, a very chaotic one hehehe,, it was a small group of people fortunately, but that didn't stop everyone from getting crazy, which became very energy-draining at one point, but i befriended the host's cats! i ended up taking a short nap with them in a quieter room,, and honestly? that was probably the best part of the whole thing 🌠 (7/i forgot that this was 8 parts halfway through hehe)

ah, it seems to be time for bed now! until tomorrow my dear morgane, wishing you lots of peaceful rest! 💘 - adoringly yours, waifu xoxo 💘💞💕💌❤💗💓💖💘💋 ps: you'll protect me from the storms hm? well, i'd be lying if i said that i wouldn't feel safer with you here 😖💗 (8/8)"

Oh darling dw bc i too wake up ridiculously late, theres really no shame in that ahhshxhx also before we dive in i gotta say im no professional football player nor is it my fav sport i just play it sometimes out of boredom but what i DO play fr however is volleyball (as a matter of fact my dumbass has a meeting with a coach on tuesday so u can only imagine how big the anxiety is this guy has t e a m s bruh) and have been playing it since middle school bc its p much the only sport i acc love and am fairly good at🗿✌️ but i really had a feeling u practiced ballet and even figure skating bc it just really fits ur delicate vibes yknow??? I also tried archery and i really love it too👁️👀

Damn i ranted a lil😞😩😩 but still im glad to see u have ppl to hang out with i sadly dont and the situation here isnt that bright either so i just gotta do my usual #introvertlife stuff a h a and a party?? Thats W I L D bruh i was gonna say watch out for za virus when u go into crowded places-

Idk whats going on w america and its storms currently but hopefully nothing worse happens??? If anything imo natural disaster free days full of storms/rain sound ideal doe👁️👁️👁️👀

#and like i said if u wanna play aa by any chance...H M U #the confessional #honestly i gotta say doe ur quite the smooth talker urself 😩#and its very funny to me how again we are polar opposites w the sports thing too like #i have always been attracted to shit like boxing volleyball karate even football a lil even if its not a fave #but like.... figure skating/ballet dancer waifu? god tier fitting concept #im sure if the vogue thing doesnt work out maybe u could get into figure skating/ballet professionally😳😳😳 imma b there to cheer u on

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dreams-in-mist · 5 years

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Hey, everybody. Who wants to see some super vintage, really low-quality footage of an incredibly hot guy?

Ok, so I am dating myself with this post BIG TIME.

Anyone who views this page on the reg knows that I enjoy sharing images of beautiful people I admire here, but usually without much jibber-jabber about them (and it's probably better that way). But I came across something today that jogged special feelings, and maybe some of you out there may appreciate it.

Come with me, gentle reader, to the summer/fall of 1996. I, along with my little sister, had given up summer break to stay far away from home to help my mother to take care of my ailing grandparents Monday through Friday every week (my aunt cared for them Sat & Sun, mostly since she did their bookkeeping, otherwise we would've lived there 24/7). I loved them with all my heart, and though I enjoyed spending so much time with them, I'm sure you can understand that, with failing health, it was not always quality time. I had also brought along a summer course to try to get a leg up for the next school year, because I assumed I would have plenty of downtime when they were resting (sis & I were home-schooled at the time anyway). The summer turned out to be much more stressful than any of us could have anticipated.

Between homecare (which I totally thought I was prepared for -- and I SO wasn't), seeing people you adore in a terrible state, and the added burden of trying to do schoolwork at the same time, I felt hollow. We would come back home late on Friday nights drained physically, mentally, and completely. My step-father would pick us up, take us back home, and usually cook supper, or pick up some special take-out, or treats to try to soothe some of the stress. If you've never been through it, let me tell you, one of the hardest things in the world to do is watch as someone you love is dying, and you know there's nothing you can do to stop the pain; all you can do is lessen it for a short period of time.

Dad knew this, so he tried the best he could to make the weekends as much of an escape from the preceding week as we could have at home, until eventually, the weekends were gone, and we 3 would only come home intermittently. Things got very difficult.

We got home late one night, and basically all collapsed with exhaustion. The next day, on his way out the door for work (Dad worked 3 jobs), he makes a comment or asks a question or something about me leaving a videotape in the player. I have no idea what he's talking about, so I play the tape anyway. It was the video I'm sharing with you today. It seems silly, I'm sure.

My Dad is a kinda tough guy, biker-type. At the time, I was 99.999999999% sure that he had only the vaguest idea of what my crush looked like (and honestly, circa 1992-1997, the guy had barely been a blip on most of North America's radar - pictures and media were very hard to come by), and had possibly heard me mention his name maaayyybe twice (it was generally an argument for me to bring up boys -- let alone MEN, as the case may be).

So, imagine my surprise when I play this tape. I don't know how he did it. I mean, I know how the process is done, but seriously...did he look in the TV Guide? Was he surfing channels and heard my crush's name, and then waited for, I dunno, a butt-hundred minutes for him to finally appear?

The point is, this guy watched probably ALL Siempre en Domingo AND Sabado Gigante to record the interview and musical segments of my (at the time, kind of obscure) crush -- and, uh... we don't speak Spanish, guys. Nada . And it was so nice to find this when I was unpacking, and relive that feeling of knowing that Dad could've watched some football, watched some rasslin', gone out for a chicken dinner, idk, done ANYTHING ELSE, but he, on at least 2 separate occasions, took time out to make something just for me that he knew I would enjoy, even if he didn't like it/couldn't understand it (he had surprises for my mother and sister, too, but I couldn't tell you what they were). This gesture, though requiring very little in the way of physical or even emotional effort, was just the pick-me-up I needed to reset, at least for a couple hours, and it was so nice to be back there, in that moment for a short while today. It really is about the little things.

As for the clip itself, the quality is poor, you don't have to tell me this. The videotape itself was already used (he had taped over one of his shows...bless), and by now it's over 20 years old. Add to that the fact that it got a lot of love back in the day. Like I said, this crush was not really that well-known at the time, so this video was really all I had outside of photos, clippings, and watching soap operas. Further add to that the fact that it's not your standard upload. It's my poor ass recording a television set with my cheap phone while holding it as still as I can in my hands. I think I did ok.

Time changes all things. My Dad and I never really got along once adulthood hit, and we still don't get along now.

And, once I had decided I would never be able to speak Spanish well enough to woo my crush, I was movin' on by mid-1997. While I was always kind of the "boy crazy" type, there are very few that I maintained a serious interest in or attraction to for more than about a minute. The subject of this post is one of them, and 2 others, and both of those guys are dead.

And lemme just tell you, I am so glad the subject of this discussion is living his best life, because I wanted him to have the world, and in the summer of 1999, he got it. Everyone knew his name, his face, his voice (his ass, "jajaja" ). But I feel like the world didn't all know the guy I was so ~encantado~ with during a large portion of my misspent youth.

So, allow me to acquaint you with "my mans" 1993-1997:

Ricky Martin - Te Extraño, Te Olvido, Te Amo (Siempre en Domingo 1996)

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(Google Translate says: "I Missed You, I Forget You, I Love You"...Indeed)

If you read all of that, you are a blessing, and I thank you. I really wish I had a better reward for your time than this video, but I felt true, pure joy when I found it, and I wanted to share it.

P.S. If you want a little more, let me know. I have 2 more songs (both upbeat, so he ~dances~), and 2 short interviews. If there is any positive response, I will get some equipment to transfer them to digital properly (been intending to for other things anyhow).

Have a lovely day, bbs!

#ricky martin #personal story #latin pop #latino #hot guy

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vantekay · 6 years

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thankful for you

its (almost) officially the new year! although I am writing this post in advance, its a new year and its time for some fresh starts.

I wanted to start this new year off by making a thank you post to my mutuals, anons, and followers; starting out with my mutuals. Also this will probably be pretty long and sappy so just a warning haha.

@peachyuns was the first mutual I made on this site, we met over the dora au that plagued Twitter and freaked out over it together, although we don't talk as much anymore she still helped me kick start this blog! she sent me some tumblrs who did the hex code layouts I told her I wanted to start and I will forever be grateful for that, never forget how talented and sweet you are, I love you tam 💕.

@couture-kookie was the second mutual I made on this site and helped me a lot when it came to understanding how to make a masterlist 😂 we would send each other memes and talk about how ugly twitter is and I always laughed when we would message. You are such an amazing writer and an amazing person! I love you court 💕.

@melonkooky was the next mutual I made and I am so grateful for her as well. She helped me with this blog a lot too, mostly just me spouting ideas out and her telling me I should go for it 😂 but it was the motivation I needed to get this blog to where it is now even if it isn't too big right now. You are so sweet and funny and just an amazing person, not to mention talented at writing. I love you mina 💕.

@bangtanmssg thank god I got the balls to message you about making your masterlist for you. I'm so glad we met, and I'm so excited to be an admin for you new blog! It makes me so happy to know that you have enlisted so much trust in me and I hope you know I trust you a lot too. you're such a sweet and caring person and I hope we can grow as friends. never ever lose the light that you possess, because believe me when I say you can make anybody's day better just by being you. I love you sol 💕.

@vantaeta we met through the new blog! I was very nervous when I first messaged you about the theme of the blog but you were so nice it melted all my worries away. We clicked pretty much instantly and I'm so grateful to be working with such a funny and kind person. You are super talented and I hope you have happy days forever. I love you rae 💕.

@triviamang , you are so so so sweet and caring its so endearing and makes me happy if that makes sense haha. you have such a pure soul and I'm so glad we became mutuals. You're so talented at writing and I'm so excited to see how your account continues to grow, hopefully our friendship can grow along with it :) I love you ness 💕.

@ethertae you are absolutely lovely and I love you. we don't talk much but thats okay! seeing your posts on my dash makes me so happy. You are an absolute sweetheart and I love being mutuals with you. You are incredibly talented and such an interesting person, I hope we can grow closer this year :) I love you kina 💕 .

@namiiy I am so glad we met, you are the brightest and most positive person I have ever met. You've made my bad days just those little bit brighter and made me hopeful for the next days to come. Thank you for always being so kinda and having such a beautiful soul. I love you nam (sorry idk what to call you ah) 💕.

@taes-strawberry we only just met but! you are so amazing and incredible and just all of it. I thought our first convo would be awkward but it was so easy to talk to you and that is so amazing to me. I love how alike we are and I really hope we continue to be crackheads together. I love you rahmah 💕

to all of you I just made little messages for, please never forget that you are loved and valued. and if you ever need someone to talk to I am here :)

to my handful of anon friends:

I really do love you guys a lot, your asks never fail to make my day even if it’s something as simple as a hello. I always thought it was kind of silly when I saw other and bigger blogs posting simple asks and saying that it made their day until I actually started receiving them myself. even if you think whatever you have to say isn’t important believe me when I say it is. please never hesitate to send me an ask- anon or not- and tell me about your day, tell me something good that happened to you recently or even tell me something you just need to get off of your chest. I’m the kind of person who loves to help others, I always give advice and I always try to help to the best of my ability and knowledge so please always know that I am here for you, and if you don’t want everyone on the blog to know about what you’re going through you can always just message me privately! I promise it will always stay between us. my messages are always open for anybody and any situation :)

to my followers:

thank you guys for being here for me and enjoying the content I put out on this blog. I’ve always somewhat felt bad about myself as a content creator (though I feel like I shouldn’t even call myself that cause I do the bare minimum compared to other really good art or writing blogs but thats just me) because I don’t put out things like fics or reactions but that’s simply because I don’t feel confident in my writing abilities and I would be afraid to make assumptions about the boys personalities and just all that stupid stuff but even still, I hope you guys can always find something you like on this blog. I’m a very indecisive person who changes their mind a lot and is always wanting to learn and explore new things so this blog will probably have a wide array of things on it within the next year or so, and I hope you guys will stick with me through all and any content changes I may decide on. I have never been confident in myself as a creator but through this blog I am starting to find worth in the things I put my time and energy into, and I will always be eternally grateful for that and the only way I can think of expressing my gratitude for this is by saying thank you.

I haven’t been on tumblr long- if I remember correctly I made a blog in june maybe but didn’t start posting my own content until around august but I can’t remember- but in the short amount of time I have been, I have made incredible friends and laughed so so so much. I haven’t really talked about it openly on this site, but this year was probably one of the hardest, longest and most mentally draining I have ever had. Life was rough, I went through a lot of hardships and found out more about my mental health issues and how to start coping with them, I moved from my childhood neighborhood and started a whole new life at the peak of my highschool career and faced (and still facing) a lot of anxiety issues because of it but thanks to this blog and the amazing people I have met through it and the people I follow I have been able to end this year with a smile on my face, high hopes for the future, and dreams I feel I can actually accomplish. I said it before and I’ll say it again although I feel as if it doesn’t really express how thankful I am, thank you all for everything. My experience on this site has been nothing short of joyful and I hope it stays that way for a long time. I hope you guys, no matter if 2018 was a good or bad year for you, can also go into this new year with a little bit of hope and happiness for yourself and whatever you wish to achieve in the future. thank you for an amazing end to this year :)

#wow i got really sappy at the end but who cares #i really poured my whole heart into this because i really wanted to relay how much i love all of you #and i still feel like i didn't express it properly but i've never really been good at showing my appreciation through words only #if there is anything i would want you guys to take from this long ass post is that i am seriously thankful #for everything this blog has brought me #my friends and mutuals #my anons and all of my followers #the confidence to explore into subjects and make things i probably wouldn't have otherwise #just thank you #here's to an amazing 2019 #kayakookie #get to know me #personal #a thank you post #happy new year

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taetaespeaches · 2 years

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got my albuuuuuuummmm, it took longer than what i thought bc i ordered to my uncles office in the us and he had to go get it lol, its very heavy and very pretty,

these are my first random cards, bc i only have the deluxe BE album and there weren't any random pick, i want to buy the other ones slowly but surely someday lol

aaaaaand i got suga postcard and jimin photocard

its like they know they've been making me weak these days

srsly jimin is wrecking my soul lately, i was listening to filter and i just wish i was there when map of the soul came out just so i could die with all of you listening to filter for the first time

and i didn't say this last time but i loved yoongi's attitude at festa

i love how he's just so sure of this decision, the boy is chilling, thriving and it shows and i love it

taking millions of classes 'cause he's a nerd i love himmmmmmmmmmm

i say nerd in the sweetest way possible, im so proud of him, i love a multitasking yoongi

after all tbh ive been feeling a bit down

maybe a lot down lol

im normally a sleepy person, people say "she's always tired" which yeah i am

but i don't think they understand why, sometimes i don't understand why

but i hate this bc last week i was actually feeling good, i was ok and i had at least some faith ... idk what but i felt nice

and since sunday i just don't feel like that at all anymore

im trying but im just so sick of everything

i feel sad and desperate but i just want to sleep

this time i think i know why i feel like this but tbh i don't know what to do

i think im starting that period of the year when im just craving vacation or just some alone time, i miss myself

also i think my body wants to catch a cold and im like nooooo bitch but im in between lmao

anyways, my cousin arrived yesterday when i went to get my package and my other cousin said "ask him the names of bts members".. so i did lol, and he was really good,

he said "jungkook, jin, jimin, suga..." and my uncle went in and said "V!" , "yeah lol V!, jhope.. he's my favourite, and of course the leader RM"

VERY IMPRESSED , and then he said "i've studied before i came here........ my girlfriend likes them now" looool "ive listened to butter A LOT i think i know all the lyrics "

he's sweet, he was my best friend when i was in high school bc i was new in this city (i hate this city btw) and he's the only cousin of my age so we were inseparable, now he lives far away and im sad again damn it

right now im alone at work bc everyone went out to... idk where... tbh i don't care, this is what i wanted lmao

anyway just wanted to talk about my album and my sad part came out im sorry it was longer than what I thought

but youuu, Liv you have a nice day, ur cool ♥ 😎

Aww yay!! I'm glad you got it! The random pulls are so exciting, like it's such a small joy of life lol. I'm still waiting for the big complete version of the album :/ Yoongi and Jimin!!!! Great pull, I love that for you <3

I think we all wish we found bts earlier than when we did so that's very relatable. I can tell you that I remember everyone losing their minds over filter and my time like those were the two that everyone went nuts over, and rightfully so! And I agree, Yoongi's attitude during festa was very cool, he's just so comforting

I'm sorry you're feeling down :( I can relate to the feeling of being just tired and drained and it sucks. I definitely get wanting to have some time to yourself or wanting to get away for a bit. I hope you can get in touch with yourself and start feeling a bit better. But like be gentle and patient with yourself! It's ok to feel down, I just hope it doesn't last much longer. Also, your cousin sounds cute :( but yeah, it's ok to be sad! I hope you're feeling better today. Enjoy your album!! <3 I love you!

#stainofpaint #asks #lydia🤟#love that jimin and yoongi have both been taking over for you lately lol i completely get it 😩

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finn-nelson-for-the-win · 7 years

Text

After over a week, I'm back with another update!

Hello there, lovelies! Hopefully the anticipation wasn’t too bad...But alas! Here I am, back again with the next chapter. Admittedly, this chapter took much longer than anticipated for me to write and even though I knew exactly what was going to happen, I still struggled to find the right way to convey it for maximum impact...idk, I've also been finding it a little tricky to find time to write with all the random stuff I've had going on in real life lately. 😬

Anyways...I hope you enjoy this because I'm not sure when the next time I will post will be...and as always, I love hearing what you guys have to say and seeing all the love you guys show to my writing...it's a large reason as to why I even make an effort to post my writings anymore, so thanks! 😘 All my previous chapters can be found right here, if you wish to get caught up.

Making Up for Lost Time

I can’t believe I’m about the say this, but…I can’t wait to go to work tomorrow.

It was Christmas day—the day in which families near and far gather to enjoy each other’s company and celebrate—and Rae could not be unhappier.

There surely must have been a time when Rae felt differently about Christmas. Perhaps when she was a child and was still basking in the naivety of youth; however, for the last few years Rae has found this holiday to feel like more of a burden and be emotionally draining to the point that she has lost the childlike sense of wonder that used to be synonymous with Christmas time when she was younger.

Rae had been awakened before the sun had even fully risen by loud crashing and the unmistakable scent of charred food that could only mean one thing: Rae’s mother was trying to cook. Trying, but certainly not succeeding.

“Wait! Stop what you’re doing, right now! Get the coffee started to brew and I’ll take over from here. Please mum, before you burn the house down, I beg of you!” Rae called from the room she had slept in to her mother in the kitchen as she tied her plush dressing gown around her waist and slid her feet into her favorite pair of slippers before rushing to the kitchen.

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic, Rachel! It isn’t that bad…” Rae’s mum took a glance at the disheveled stack of what appeared to be pancakes that were simultaneously burned on the outside and completely raw inside, “On second thought…perhaps I will just get the coffee started. Can you take over for me here?”

“By ‘take over’, you mean ‘start completely from scratch because these ones are inedible’, right?” Rae joked, gently nudging her mum with her hip as her mum grabbed the coffee from the cabinet above their stove.

The rest of the family awoke on their own accord and grabbed their breakfast before returning to their respective rooms to eat on their own, as even during the holidays, Rae’s family could not adhere to the formalities of spending time together as a family.

The rest of the day proceeded in much of the same fashion: Rae confined to the kitchen as she was the only member of the family who was willing and able to take the lead on cooking Christmas dinner, while the rest of her family came and went as they pleased.

By the end of the night when the gifts had been exchanged and opened, dinner had been eaten, and the dishes had been cleaned, everyone was ready to go to bed for the night; however, Rae still had to travel back to her apartment in the city, as she had work early the following morning.

And by the time Rae had returned to her apartment and was able to climb into the comforting warmth of her bed, it was already the early hours of morning, and as Rae tossed and turned trying to get some sleep, she could already see the earliest signs of the sunrise on the horizon.

***

The first three and a half hours of Rae’s shift at work were downright torturous. The café down the street from Rae’s work was closed for Christmas weekend, so Rae begrudgingly had to forego the cup of coffee she had been looking forward to getting on her way to work. When Rae arrived at work, she was looking forward to the warm, coziness of an office building with the heater running to help warm her up from her walk to work that morning; however, she quickly realized upon arriving at work that the heating system was not functioning correctly and there was no one available to fix the heating system until Tuesday, due to the holiday.

Ugh, fucking Christmas ruins everything…

Mondays at work were generally pretty quiet and today was no exception. Most of Rae’s coworkers had taken off work today to spend another day with their families, but Rae was more than happy to return to the city for work opposed to spending any additional time with her family.

When Rae’s scheduled break time finally came, Rae was thankful for the fifteen minutes to walk around outside and warm up a bit, as the sun was shining and it felt warm on her skin through her clothes despite the chill in the air.

When Rae had a few minutes left in her break, she returned to the break room and purchased an energy drink from the vending machine. She took a few long drinks from the can before setting it into the office refrigerator for her to finish after she got off of work.

Rae sat back down in her desk chair when she returned from break and got back to work responding to customers when after a while she sensed—rather than saw—someone walk up and sit down in the seat beside her.

“Hey stranger,” she greeted with a smirk as she quickly finished typing the message she had started, sent it, and turned in her desk chair to meet the familiar, warm dark brown eyes of the person who had taken a seat at the empty desk beside her.

Note to self: “Hey stranger” as a greeting holds the same meaning and creates the same sexual tension as “make me” during a squabble…

“Rae…” Finn’s eyes lit up when he said her name and they locked eyes, derailing his train of thought and making him forget what else he intended to say to Rae in that moment.

“It’s been a really long time since I’ve seen you, Finnley! We really missed you…”

“I missed you, Mae…like a lot!” Finn chuckled and blushed lightly as he turned his head away to avoid making direct eye contact with Rae.

I told him “we” missed him, but Finn just openly admitted to missing me in particular! No fucking way!

“So where have you been for the last couple weeks?” Rae asked as she picked up another customer conversation in an attempt at nonchalance.

“I was traveling a bit…with my band—”

Wait, did Finn just say...

“With your band? You’re in a band..?” Rae asked, her eyebrows furrowing as in confusion as she was fairly sure that she had misheard what Finn said.

Fucking hell, as if this bloke needed to get any more attractive!

“Yeah, I’m in a punk band…”

Of course you are.

“And I play the bass.”

“Of course you fucking do!” Rae rolled her eyes as she said this, which caused Finn to laugh and grin at Rae and she quickly realized that she had said her last thought aloud.

"What's that supposed to mean, Mae? What's wrong with me being in a band and playing bass?"

Well…shit.

"It's just I always find myself...drawn to guys—I mean people—that are in bands...so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you're musically inclined as well"

"You say the weirdest things sometimes," Finn was still chuckling before he smiled at Rae and looked at her with his dark brown eyes full of sincerity, "but I love that about you. I like talking to you, and in case you haven't noticed, I don't really like talking to anyone."

"Well...I like talking to you too, and I'm very selective about who I talk to." Rae replied, her cheeks still tinged slightly pinker than they would usually be.

"So I guess I'm one lucky guy, huh?" Finn smirked and winked at Rae but did not turn his desk chair away from her even as she returned her eyes to her computer screen to continue assisting customers.

"I, uh...I really missed you Rae...like probably too much," Finn chuckled nervously before continuing. "How was your Christmas? What gifts did you get? Don't spare me the details! I haven’t been able to see ya or talk to ya in weeks and I want to know all about it, girl!”

"My Christmas was okay,” Rae began shifting nervously about being the center of attention as Finn remained focused on her, not even making an attempt to seem like he was actually working, “I spent the day with my family and I did a lot of cooking. And for presents I mostly just got some new clothes, some proper baking equipment so I can bake more often and work on my decorating skills, and a new record player.”

“That’s great, Rae! I’m so glad to hear that you got some nice gifts. And it’s so fucking cool that you got a record player! Did you get any records or do you already have some?” Finn asked, his eyes shining with a child-like happiness as he dove into yet another discussion about music with Rae that he has missed dearly in the weeks he has been gone.

“Yeah, I got a few records…Nirvana, Pearl Jam, The Offspring, and The Ramones…most of them are just the Greatest Hits compilations, but yeah…I’m really excited to give’em a spin!”

“That’s a great start to a collection, Rae! I have a few records of my own that I think you might like, so just let me know if you ever wanna borrow some or, erm, hang out and listen to music together or whatever…” Finn broke eye contact for the first time during their conversation and looked down at his lap as he bounced his left leg rapidly and began biting the skin around his thumb nail.

“I’d love that, Finn! Thank you!” Rae added in a reassuring tone that made Finn smile and eased some of his tension and concerns.

“And you said you also got some new baking equipment or something?”

“Uh, yeah! I got a standing mixer and some new baking pans and trays, and some interchangeable decorating tips and stencils. I only had the basics at my apartment before this, so I’m happy that now I can learn new techniques and hone my decorating skills some more.”

Finn smiled as he noticed the light that came into Rae’s eyes when she was talking about something that she loves and truly enjoys. She noticed him grinning at her and tilted her head to the side in confusion.

What did I say to make Finn look at me like that?

“You really love cooking and baking, huh?” Finn asked with genuine curiosity.

“I suppose so. I think it’s fun and a good way to relax…and I’ve had a number of people tell me I’m quite good at it, so I might as well enjoy cooking, right?” Rae replied, trying to downplay her passion for cooking and come across as casual as possible.

“I know you can bake—fuck, as if I could ever forget the cupcakes you made—but you seem like you’re a really good cook just in general.” Rae shrugged and blushed a bit at his flattery, but Finn was not content with her humbly brushing off the compliment.

“I’m serious, Rae! You could totally compete in those cooking show competitions! You know, like Chopped or Iron Chef or something like that…You would most likely win too!”

“Okay Finnley, I think you’re giving me a little bit too much credit for someone who has only ever tasted one thing I’ve cooked…”

“Perhaps you’re right…maybe you should cook me a romantic dinner one of these days and then I can truly be the judge of your talents.” Finn wiggled his eyebrows and winked at Rae, which made her blush and chuckle nervously.

Finn is just joking, surely. He can’t be seriously about us having dinner together, obviously…but why does the look in his eyes give the impression that he meant what he said..?

Finn noticed Rae’s silence as she over-analyzed what he had said and wrongly interpreted it, assuming that his attempt at flirting had made her uncomfortable, so he quickly tried to get the conversation back on track.

“No, but seriously. I don’t think I’m giving you too much credit, Rae…that one cupcake was more than enough to convince me. I just…I-I know that you’re amazing at everything you set your mind to and I can see the passion in your eyes when you talk about cooking.” Finn looked at Rae and smiled when the intensity of his stare cause her to look away before he continued.

“So even if you don’t believe it yet yourself, I know you have the talent and passion and I look forward to the day that I see you on TV and can brag to everyone I know that I was lucky enough to taste your cupcakes. And I’m gonna be so proud of you, girl!”

Rae was at a loss for words and was not entirely sure how to react to the unwavering confidence and belief Finn has in her abilities as a chef.

She tuned slightly in her chair to say something but her train of thought was completely derailed when she saw that Finn was still smiling at her, but he was paying extra attention to her facial features to get a better reading of her reaction.

Holy shit…is it possible that Finn could have gotten MORE fit in the two weeks since I saw him last? He’s so hot I could probably forgo the oven and bake cookies directly on this beautiful bloke in front of me!

Rae chuckled, which caused Finn to quirk an eyebrow up in confusion, and she shook the humorous thought of baking cookies directly on Finn’s naked torso from her mind before finally responding.

“Thank you, Finn. I don’t think I’ve ever known someone with so much faith in me or my cooking abilities…so I really appreciate that,” Rae cleared her throat before continuing, “Anyways! Enough about me and my life these last few weeks…you were off traveling with your fucking punk band! That’s amazing! How was that? What all did you do? Don’t spare me the details either.”

“Yeah, it was pretty great…at first…the first few shows we did were really good and we had a good sized crowd that listened to us even though we were only the opening act. But after about a week, all of us were missing our girlfriends and the people we had waiting for us here at home…And you never really know how much of a twat some of your friends are until you travel and share hotels with them non-stop for a week!”

Rae laughed and turned slightly to face Finn more directly as he continued with his story.

“Our last show was supposed to be on Christmas Eve—so I wasn’t going to be back with my family for Christmas—but we had our van broken into and stolen from the parking lot of our hotel one night, so we had to cancel the rest of our shows because all our equipment and a lot of our stuff was inside the van that was taken…”

“Holy shit, Finn! Are you serious? I am so sorry to hear that.” Rae met Finn’s gaze and his grimace turned into some semblance of a genuine smile when he saw the sincerity and overwhelming sympathy in Rae’s eyes.

“Yeah…it was pretty shitty…but this meant we were able to head home four days early and spend Christmas with our loved ones, so that was a blessing in disguise, I suppose.” Finn replied as he shrugged his shoulders.

“That’s a good way to look at it Finn! What did you and your family do for Christmas?”

“Nothing too interesting. It were just me, my dad, my stepmom, and my two sisters. I got some new clothes as well, a really nice blanket, and a popcorn popper from my family…I just felt really guilty that I didn’t have gifts to give them in return.”

Rae tilted her head to one side and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion, waiting for Finn to go on. Finn proceeded to tell Rae that the day before their van was stolen, him and his band mates had spent their free day visiting the shops around the town they were in to get the last of their Christmas gifts for family, friends, and significant others.

“Well, ya see, all the gifts I gotten for people were in the back of the van that got stolen…” As the understanding sunk in, Rae gasped and gave Finn an apologetic look as he continued telling the story.

“I was gutted to see that everything I had was taken because some of the gifts had sentimental value and special meaning—they weren’t just bought from a store—so it’ll be nearly impossible for me to replace all the gifts, but I am gonna try. Do you think people will be upset that I couldn’t give them a gift?” Finn broke eye contact, shifting his gaze to examine his fingernails that he had bitten down significantly while coping with recent stressful events.

“Finn, of course not!” Rae finished the message she was typing before reaching her left hand over to gently squeeze his hands where they rested on the desk beside her before continuing, “This wasn’t your fault at all, so anyone should be able to understand why you weren’t able to give them a gift. It means enough that you tried and that you are trying to make it up to them, I honestly don’t even think you should concern yourself with what other people will think. If you have the right people in your life, they will be more than understanding of the situation…”

Rae studied Finn’s face, which was now turned slightly away from her as he stared at the ground, and the panic began to set in as she began to second-guess what she had just said to him. Finn then looked up at Rae from under his thick eyebrows and a grin spread slowly across his face when their eyes met.

“I’m not sure how, but I had a feeling you’d say something like that, Rae,” Finn finally replied, chuckling nervously as he ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, “I like that mentality.”

Rae and Finn fell into a comfortable silence for the remaining hour of her shift, as she kept responding to customers and Finn began assisting the first customers of his shift despite being logged into his computer for a few hours.

When the clocks on the wall nearest to them chimed, signaling the new hour, Rae logged off of her computer and stood from her desk chair to leave.

“Okay, I’m leaving for the day. It was really nice to see ya today, Finn…”

Don’t you say it, Rae…Don’t you dare fucking say it!

“I, uh…I really missed you while you were gone too, Finn.”

Fuck…you said it.

Rae hurried out of the building, not willing to wait for Finn’s response to her admitting that she had missed him, as she was sure that his reaction would not be a good one.

***

As she walked along the perimeter of the building toward the seating area in which a number of shaded stone tables served as the designated “smoking area” near their office complex, Rae took a seat at one of the tables that was in direct sunlight in an attempt to recover some of the warmth she had been lacking inside the building for the last few hours.

Rae was sitting at this table for a few minutes, drinking the remainder of her energy drink and scrolling through her social media accounts when she noticed someone walking quickly towards the table she was sitting at.

“Fancy seeing you here! Why are you sitting out here alone?”

Rae looked up to see Finn standing in front of the table she was sitting at and she could clearly tell that he was debating if he should take a seat as well or not.

“Hiya Finn…I haven’t seen you in ages!” Rae joked before continuing, “I was really cold, so I wanted to warm up a bit before walking home so I’m sitting here in the sun…and I wanted to finish drinking my energy drink…”

“Well…I can think of a few things we could do that could warm ya up…” Finn replied with a smirk as he sat down at the opposite side of the table facing Rae, which caused her to blush a deep red color.

“So…uh…what are you doing out here, Finn?”

“I’m on my break. Normally I like to walk laps around the building to get my blood pumping a bit or I’ll go get some food or coffee, but while I was walking today I saw you sitting here and well…”

“Oh! I’m sorry I’m ruining your break time. I can leave if ya want—”

“No! I mean…you don’t have to leave on my account. I want to sit and talk to you for a bit while I’m on break, if that’s alright with you. We still have a lot of making up for lost time to do, girl!”

“Okay…so what do ya wanna talk about, Finnley?”

“Uhm…do you wanna hear about a couple of my New Year’s resolutions?” Rae nodded and took another sip of her energy drink, giving Finn an encouraging smile as she waited for him to speak.

“Well…I want to start going to the gym more often. To get a bit healthier and build some muscles, you know? And…uh…I really want to stop smoking.”

“That’s great Finn! I’m happy to hear you’re making some choices to put your health first in this upcoming year.”

“Yeah…I mean, I don’t like that I smoke and I know a lot of people that matter to me that don’t like when the people around them smoke, so I’m willing to make those changes for them and for myself.”

Rae took another drink of her energy drink and watched in curiosity as Finn rolled an acorn back and forth on top of the table before he looked up to meet her eyes.

“What about you, Rae? Do you have any New Year’s resolutions?”

“Uh, not really. I don’t think they’re very effective—for me at least—and I almost never accomplish them, so I rarely make resolutions…I do, however, like to assess what the year that is ending meant for me and what I want the next year to bring…in general terms, at least.”

“So what do you want the year 2017 to bring you?”

“Well in 2016, I experienced a lot of high highs and low lows…and…well, I don’t really know how to say this without ranting about the intricacies of my screwed up life, but…”

“Rae, I understand if you don’t wanna tell me, but I just want to let you know you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you and even if I can’t help, I can promise you that I will try my fucking best to help however I can….I want you to trust me, Rae.”

Rae was caught off-guard by his sincerity as she searched his eyes for any indication that he did not mean what he was saying.

“Okay…well, I’ve had a rough few years. And by that, I suppose I mean that the last six years of my life have been very difficult and almost always seemed to be getting worse with each passing year…but even just the small changes I’ve made in my life in the last few months I think are small steps towards where I want to be…So I want 2017 to help me realize who are my true friends and help me surround myself with people that genuinely care for me and want me to be happy. I also want to keep working towards loving myself and embracing who I am at this point in my life, and yeah…I guess my new year’s resolution for 2017 would just be to be happy.”

She took a deep breath and before she could psych herself out of saying what was on the tip of her tongue, Rae added “And I'm not entirely sure why, but I do trust you Finn…”

As soon as the words left her lips, she immediately looked down at her hands on top of the stone table and busied herself with examining her long, polished red fingernails.

“Oh, Rae…I’m so glad you felt comfortable telling me that and you don't know how happy I am to hear that you trust me,” he paused briefly and stared at her with a gentle smile until she looked up to meet his eyes and he continued, “I want you to be happy, girl. I know that you especially deserve to be happy because you’re world-class…and no, Rae, I’m not just saying that to be nice. I mean it. And I want to do whatever I can as your coworker and close mate and…well, whatever you want me to be, to help you be happy.”

How did I get lucky enough to know such a fit boy that also has a heart of gold? I must have won the lottery or stepped into a parallel universe because this sort of shit never happens to Rae Earl…

Rae and Finn kept talking about everything and anything, just enjoying the pleasantly warm afternoon weather and each other’s company when Finn happened to glance at his phone to check the time.

“Shit…my break ended a while ago. I should probably head back to work now…I suppose. So...what your plans for the rest of the day, Rae?” Finn asked as he begrudgingly stood from the table and gave Rae a shy smile.

“My plans…for the rest of today? Well I was just gonna go back to my apartment…but I think maybe I’ll go to the Secret Garden instead.”

“Wait…Did you say, uh, ‘secret garden’…?”

“Yeah! It’s this little garden on campus where I’ve been growing some plants and vegetables for the last couple months…it’s well-hidden and almost no one knows about it, so it’s my secret garden. I like going there to just relax, or listen to music and think from time to time…”

“Oh, that’s so cool, Rae! And that sounds like a lot of fun…I wish I could come along so you could show me around your secret garden and I can just keep hanging out with you…but instead I have to go back to work.”

Wait a second! Did Finn just openly admit how much he wants to keep hanging out with me and have me show him around my garden?

Every sexual innuendo Rae's friends have been making for the last few month since Rae took this gardening class came to mind and she tried to contain the giggle and ignore the blush that was creeping into her cheeks at the memory of Chloe’s advice to try to find a nice bloke who wanted to explore Rae's “lady garden”.

FOCUS RAE! Finn Nelson just told you how much he'd rather spend time with you than go back to work...and he's clearly interested in exploring your secret garden, which could be literal or figurative and mean something sexual...in either case, I'm not complaining, but you have to say something! And DON’T FUCK IT UP, RAE!

“Uhm...well, I wish we could keep chatting and hanging out too, but you've already missed two weeks of work and what kind of influence would I be on you if I was the reason you ditch work less than halfway through your first day back?”

“I don't care...being with you is worth getting in trouble for missing work…” Finn replied almost immediately.

“Well I'm flattered you think that, Finn, but I just couldn't do that in good conscience. But…” Rae paused for dramatic effect and to ensure that she had Finn’s undivided attention, “I'd be more than happy to give you a personal tour of my garden another time, okay? So just consider this a rain check yeah?”

“Yeah, okay! I just hope it's soon...I'm excited to see this ‘secret garden’ of yours and experience it first-hand…” Finn added with a wink and his signature crooked smirk.

Yup...that’s most definitely a euphemism…

“I look forward to seeing you again very soon, Rae!”

“Yeah, for sure. Enjoy the rest of your shift at work, Finnley!”

He was already walking away quickly as she said this, since his fifteen minute break was going on nearly thirty minutes now and he couldn't risk being any later than he already was, but he turned back to face Rae where she still sat at the stone table before sighing longingly and adding, “Without you there, girl? It's impossible for me to enjoy work anymore when you're not around me...take care, love!” And he quickly turned and kept walking until he was out of Rae's line of sight.

Holy shit...I have so much new information and stories to share with the girls now that Finn is back in town and back in my life!

Rae sighed dreamily and as she walked to her Uni campus and into the secret garden to tend to her plants.

This handsome dickhead gives me heart palpitations in the best ways possible…

And as she watered her bush of luscious red roses that were just beginning to bloom, she could not wipe the dopey lovesick grin from her face as her favorite cover of Can't Help Falling in Love crooned from her Bluetooth speakers.

@eveerez @tinakegg @hey1tskat1e @bitchesbecrazy89 @kneekeyta @milllott @protectfinnnelson @arathewallflower @jackiewalsh2013 @pink-royaute @i-dream-of-emus @lurkernolonger @bitchy-broken

A/N: Hey there! I'm back again lol. So I'm at a point where I can take this story in two very different directions, but I have not decided which just yet. I want to do right by you all, the readers, but I also want to stay true to myself and gain some form of catharsis because I have literally been detailing some of my most recent relationship drama under the guise of MMFD fanfic for like 10? chapters now...so we'll just have to wait and see where the story takes me...in the meantime: I'm always here to answer your questions, gossip about MMFD and other MMFD fanfics, and get to know you guys, so...let's be friends, yeah? 😘😁😁😘

#mmfd fanfic #my mad fat diary fanfiction #chapter 9 #my writing

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