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#so ill have more stuff out this weekend
floweroflaurelin · 7 months
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No new huevember post today! I’m taking a brief hiatus over the weekend because I have a deadline for my job coming up and I need a few days to focus on that.
In the meantime my huevember works for Critical Role, The Locked Tomb, and Secret Life are currently on sale on my print shop if you feel like checking that out :D
I’ll be back with Day 11 next week!! ✨😄
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deeisace · 2 months
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#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again#and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet#basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um#someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much.#like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols'#they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that#no-pressure museum not-a-date#and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot.#basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person#because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it#tho they are two v different situs#an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes#same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time#but at least i only said ill think about it?#and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted#and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no#weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff#and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um#is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people#i guess#but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha#and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually.#if they ask again#i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff#im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you#(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)
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rohirric-hunter · 4 days
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Having such a funny problem right now because I've been taking my computer with me to write before work in the mornings and it's been great! I've actually written a lot! The problem is I'm not comfortable editing in such a constrained timeframe with a bunch of random people that I know and like to wildly varying degrees also in the room. So I have a ton of stuff that's written. It's just that none of it is fit to be posted. And I don't have the time or energy to edit after work.
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toastsnaffler · 20 days
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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)
#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah#when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday#but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm#well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week#anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change#so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse#i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled#feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it#i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me#like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all#and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend#letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense#okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo#.diaries
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#the thing about me is i hate making decisions#im literally worrying myself up and down over things i literally cant even make decisions abt now bc i dont know that ill actually be#accepted into the programs. like im just stressing bc for the program in the uk i have to try for scholarships#bc i dont wanna have to pay to go to school over there when i have equally enticing oppertunity here that will pay me for like 5yrs#so i have to get a full ride scholarship and to do that i have to collaborate with the guy and im gonna feel so bad it it flops#and im gonna feel even worse if i get the scholarship and then get sniped by another school#bc right now my heart kinda wants to go to this school in [redacted] bc i could get a 4-5yr phd in ecology and Evolution#the lab is set up with a bunch of other evolutionary genetics ppl. its near a rad national park. and the reasearch is sick as hell.#like it sounds so good. my heart wants to go there. if theyll have me which i wont kno for literally months. but the uk thing is like#if i get the scholarship i cant say no. like i mean i cant. it would look insanely good on a resume. id get to do directed evolution and#photosynthesis stuff with a guy who has controversial photosynthesis ideas lmao. but idk hes just starting out so it feel more like a leap#of faith. and ive done uk courses they r not as soul crushing as american courses and i want them to crush my soul#and its like a wanky good school. so like i cant say no to that. ugh but the [redacted] school also has nasa and astrobiology connections#and then theres the Canadian guy who's reasearch also sounds sick as hell. and again this is all stupid bc i havent even applied to any of#them yet and idk who will even take me but ugh i dread the decision making#ugh i just need to shut up and work on my applications. but i dont wanna think abt the present bc im not happy doing what i do now#id rather think abt the future where im somewhere else#but i guess ive got time to write this weekend bc our sampling plans were busted by the rain rip#so idk we have to go back at some point. sigh..#i wish everything could just be easy haha#unrelated#also ive possibly been exposed to covid thru my boss who got an alert that she was in close contact with someone who test positive rip
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sanchoyo · 1 year
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hate hate hate how beige and neutral color based menswear is. its soo hard to find like. fun patterns and pastel bright colorful things!!! and when I HAVE found them theyre runway pieces that are like. 300$ for a single pair of pants. :< masc ppl deserve fun things thatre more accessible. everytime I go to thrift stores its the same problem, like cheap stuff sure and better than fast fashion ofc, but its BORING!!! >:(
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lilgynt · 1 year
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okay i am hilarious for being the only kid to take up my moms threat of kicking us out as far as i know like cmon. cmonnnnnnnn.
#personal#not to brag but im bat shit. game plan was go missing for a week.#if this happened a day sooner i would have more than 5 bucks to my name#but not like missing for attention i was just kinda done with my whole family. not missing bc i also said ill still visit dad#but like seriously im still stuck like mom kicked me out and requested my phone what the fuck did anyone think would happen#like i did that and 'fucked off' the grid#thats not fucking off thats doing as i was asked. like oh yeah thats fucking crazy because it was a fucking crazy response to calling out#oh my god i made my argument for when i talk to my mom later#but anyway i am so funny for packing up most my stuff and couch surfing and going off the grid#in my defense alarming true feelings aside i did literally say im not gonna do anything#like i warned everyone hey im gonna be mia bc mom asked for the phone#anyway not a fun event and im pissed im spending my weekend doing this when i was just feeling unwell and wanted to sleep#this in fact the opposite of sleeping and resting#anyway when i talk to my mom later if nothing else its not all talk i guess?#i will most likely be talked into moving back in. my brother already started yesterday but im gonna talk to my mom about like#therapy maybe? but mainly emphasize that she shouldnt say thing she doesnt want#if you kick me out and take the phone shockingly that will will kick me out and no one will have anyway to contact me#if thats what you want thats fine. i have places i can stay and can get a phone plan#but if you want me to live here than dont do that. dont threaten it#i will leave and i will not come back#i dont want to turn this into a shit on my mom fest when i go talk to her but im a fucking adult women getting my moms equivalent of#grounding me for calling out with the hours. i have to negotiate hair cuts and get permission if i want another ear piercing#thats not fucking normal. at all. i pay my rent on time to her and have been doing nothing but helping with dad#almost all my work occurnaces are bc im helping with dad#like a few on me but most#i get shes going through it and she cant understand me calling out but that does not justify this at all.#like i would perfer to stay bc im a sicko but i cannot keep doing this. if she brings up the calling out im gonna tell her it#that it doesnt matte that i called out. frankly speaking. as long as i pay my rent thats all that should matter to her. and even without#that this issue isnt about me calling out this is about you kicking me out#those two? not comparable. in the least. in any world.
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kirishwima · 2 years
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man. ive got good coworkers 😭
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paradoxical-machine · 24 days
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I keep thinking I'm done with my updated avatar, but there's still so much to do
So much texture work I have to do
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toastsnaffler · 14 days
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didn't even get to do my ironing :-(
#tw self harm#i was looking forward to it.. i usually find it calming n a nice way to end a weekend#but kept having thoughts abt intentionally burning myself or hitting myself with the iron so im leaving it for another day#its fine if my clothes are a bit crumpled at work anyway. i think i have some extra stuff i ironed i didnt wear last week too#im safe btw its fine ive been using ice + gentle pressure on my skin to take the edge off (i keep my nails too short to scratch dw)#if i did have to cut it wouldnt be ideal but its a neutral act i try not to judge it. but ik its less safe + i dont want it to become#a habit again bc i already let myself do it last weekend and im still a bit frustrated abt it bc id been managing so well#and it was the first time since january. and before then i hadnt since august which is a really big deal for me!#bc last year + year before i was really struggling with reliance on it. i had months where i was doing it daily or every other day#and its hardest to stop when its habitual. once on occasion is much more manageable so lets keep it that way#one day itll be the last time i ever do it and ill be clean the rest of my life but i dont think im near that yet#it feels kind of uncomfortable to type this out but i want to stop keeping my thoughts on s/h in my head bc i get weird abt it#and the last thing i need right now is to get weird abt harming urges again. and i dont think my friends are safe to talk to abt it#so talking on here is the closest thing i have to being open abt it. im tired of it being so stigmatised#ultimately its just a coping mechanism. even if it can be unsafe but like drinking or smoking or whatever to feel better is no safer so#but still i dont want to encourage it. anyway#at least ive calmed down a bit now. and i finished some admin i was putting off earlier#and now i need to sleep bc work tomorrow. just glad the weekend is over its so much easier to cope on work days#just the structure and distraction of it innit. we'll get through this week#and im back on the more stable dose again for meds this week as well so hopefully thatll help#and i think my periods due which has probably been tipping these mood swings over into intolerable#so hopefully thatll start tomorrow or tues and the hormonal shit will recede 🙏#all good. okay im gonna meditate a little and then sleep goodnight 😴#.diaries
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von-karmas-a-bitch · 8 months
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you’ve got this!!
girl help i have no context ghskfhskbf thanks for whatever it is you're trying to pep talk me abt
#if i had to guess it's probably abt me rambling in the tags abt how i've been stuck in a mental illness tar pit#that caused me to run out of meds and subsequently get worse and ghost my found family grandparents for like 5 months fhsjhfjsgf#i am indeed on the verge of breaking my failgirl streak so i do got this you're right anon#the plan is to go to the farm and apologise for my disappearing act tomorrow around noon#since i feel like i can finally start volunteering consistently now bc im this close 👌 to getting back on top of shit#i actually did so much today im proud of myself#deep cleaned the degus' cages and gave them fresh bedding and they are very happy now bc making their nests is like their fave activity#especially sam he would honestly rather you give him a piece of toilet paper than a treat one man's trash truly is another man's treasure#and i took my laundry down (will put it away after I've done the other stuff i need to do) and hung my sister's up for her#(she batch cooked a bunch of meals for us and also does the bulk of housework as well as work work bc my ass is unemployed so like#it's older sibling reparations yknow. i gotta do stuff for her sometimes to lighten the load a bit lmao)#and i helped her take the bins out#and bc i have been living in my pajamas for an embarrassingly long while i have no more laundry to do aside from my bedsheets#which i am just abt to change#and THEN im gonna put my laundry away and answer that other ask#then im gonna be all caught up on Stuff I Need To Do and then volunteering at the farm will be the only thing i have to do#which will thus make it doable bc it won't make me too exhausted to do other stuff bc there is no other stuff to do#and then i will resume the usual thing where i don't go in on weekends and get the other stuff done then#i will of course inevitably burn out again but such is life when you have mental illness up the wazoo#honestly if the doctors were open on weekends that would solve a lot of my problems bc i keep forgetting to order my meds#and then i remember on the weekend but then they're closed and im like ok on monday then#and then by the time monday rolls around i forget rinse and repeat#im on the verge of running out again but fuck it we ball#i will figure this out somehow#im on top of literally everything else at least so. here's to hoping i can make it in on monday#apologies to my sister in advance for the 5 million alarms i must set but i am a very heavy sleeper#asks
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loverboybitch · 8 months
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think i am finally going to quit the job that i hate.//.
#imjustsittinghere#sick of it!!!!!!#tired of working everyday of every weekend at dumbass hours and missing out on doing fun stuff and seeing the people i love#sort of two plans at the moment so keep ur fingers crossed for me#gonna ask my vintage job if theres anyway i can work a full time schedule idk if thatll happen tho#but maybe cause theyre opening a whole new part of the store soon so maybe theyll need an extra person on the schedule all the time#and if not theres another vintage store in the city that keeps posting that theyre trying to hire people#and its good pay and monday to friday hours like bro i need that#dont wanna leave the vintage job i have now cause i like working there alot#so if i cant get more hours maybe i can do part time at both i literally would like that i think#worst case tho if theyll hire me full time monday to friday like maybe ill just do that#just SO sick of working weekends like kills me how much stuff i miss out on truly and the pay isnt even that worth it#like i work less hours but all the hours i do work are like friday and saturday nights its so lame#and my days off are like thursday and monday when nobody i know is ever free#desperate for a change and i actually really like working with clothes like i genuinely enjoy it as opposed to my job i have now#gonna ask about more hours on tuesday when i work and then go drop a resume at the other store thursday next week probably#hopefully anyway i guess we'll see but truly cant do this working weekends shit anymore#turning 25 next month...have been feeling like im in a new era since summer.. truly its time for a change
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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#i had another meeting with a potential phd advisor today. idk how i feel abt it#i think i wasnt at my best bc im so very very exhausted#which is 1000% my fault bc i was at my fireds house until like 11 ans probably overextended socially#but i dont think it was awful. i think i asked thr right questions. he seems pretty hands off#i think hes pretty successful with a big lab and his own lab space. the research is super cool#but i think if i go that way itll be a big challenge so idk#agh im so tired. and i have to go sampling again tomorrow. idk what im gonna do#i guess ill have to get up at like 5.30 to prep for field work. go to the store at 6#then i have a meeting at 7am and at 8 im going out to the feild probably until at least 3pm#so no getting stuff done for me i guess rip#actually its even more fucked bc i think were leaving Thursday night for more field work all weekend#hhhh so that means tonight i probably need to fucking transfer algae#and i have to give an lecture to a class next week so idk when im gonna make that presentation and practice. i guess i prob only habe to do#20min but i think feel like i might have to do the whole 50min so fuck me i guess#but also i need to find time to code a bunch of bullshit and write. i really need to write#and im just waiting on my boss to submit a recommendation before i have my 1st application done#hhh i just wanna sleep :-( im all wrung out. idk what im gonna do. freak the fuck out maybe idk#i just wanna draw :'( why does the universe say no?#unrelated#how tf is it only Tuesday?
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swampdrive · 11 months
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Specific gripe but hwrow capitalism really crushes art
#ive been getting back into doing adopt designs to cover costs this month and am going to have 2 do it regularly again#and there is a pretty specific niche of What People Will Buy and What I actually Have Time to Create i have to fall into and its just a bit#soul crushing. like I have so many Ideas for Stuff i want to draw but i know wont be marketable or wont sell well etc. which means i just#cant make it! i dont have time to be drawing whenever i want i have work so i have to foce myself to do it when i Really Dont Want to on#the weekends bc if i dont I wont be able to afford transit to my Real Job and its just ahdbfjdndj soul crushing#like ik i should be thankful people want to buy things from me and that i could probably cut down on drawing stuff to sell since i already#made the budget quota for this month but this is also going to be a continuous issue for the next few months for me and im worried i#wont make enough one month and have to start dipping into my main paycheck and thats just a not good trajectory to take#anyway i wish i could draw more weird little men and weird little robots instead of the easily platable fun outfits and very humanoid#android designs ive been doing. like ppl have told me they wld be interested in other stuff but the main bulk of my followers are NOT which#makes anything weird/out of my preset formula i make a risk for me right now :/#ANYWAY to anyone else who bothered to read this A. i hope youre having a fantastic day bud go drink some water and have a snack#and B. if ur an artist who dabbles in adopts and stuff like that jsyk there is a weird market for outfit designs rn?? from covos ive had#with buyers a lot of vtubers want outfits to have models made off of#weird market but ill take it!
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ma1dita · 2 months
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BABEEE happy birthday!! (i'm so terribly late i'm so sorry) congrats on 23💖
🐥 so i'm having thoughts right now about luke x reader and physical affection. like maybe one of them being touch starved and always craving the other person's touch and the other person noticing it and doing it more? maybe from platonic (i will go down with best friends to lovers) to romantic, i'm just on this brainrot tonight
🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥
luke castellan x reader
a/n: back from the klerb but here with a classic 4am post 🥂 but the hangxiety wont let me rest until this is out! ill edit this in the morning... or not 😗
wc: 1.1k
It’s hard to miss what you’ve never had.
Luke Castellan was never a touchy guy. Sure, he’ll hold a new camper’s hand during welcome tours (especially the little ones who can barely keep up with his long legs; if they’re lucky they get a piggy back ride), and he won’t shy away from a clap on the back when his strategies for capture the flag bring his team to victory (they always do, mind you), and when he feels like it, he’ll even shove Annabeth playfully to show her he adores her (but she packs a punch now that she’s older).
It never really goes past that, and he’s never had to think too hard about it—physical touch.
He’s the one who takes care of others—a part of his nature like it is for Hermes’ cabin to take in unclaimed demigods. But something changed in the months that he’s gotten closer to you. At first, he’d bite his tongue at the way you’re so open to patting his cheek when he does something funny (which he doesn’t try to make a show of, but now…), how you choose to sit so close to him during bonfires that your knees touch (the Apollo kids could be singing about the heavens falling down on them for all he cares but he zeroes in on every word that leaves your lips), and the way you’d lock your fingers with him for a pinky promise after every little thing ‘to make sure it’s real’ (Luke didn’t understand the merit of a pinky promise over whether you could have his dessert for the next week if you took over arts and crafts with the kiddie campers for him; truthfully he’d give it to you anyway). It was unusual for him to have someone comfort him, to show care without a true reason. But he didn’t realize how much more it bothered him now that you wouldn’t even look him in the eye.
Silena and some of the other Aphrodite children had asked you the very defining question of, “Do you like Luke Castellan?” and having never thought of it that way, or being able to put your feelings for him in words instead of fingers in his belt loops or in the muss of his curls—that shit was terrifying!
You spent all Saturday afternoon at the docks with them belly down under the glare of the sun’s rays as they explained to you what the five love languages are. By the end of it, sunburn wasn’t the only reason you felt hot.
“Your love language is physical touch,” one of Silena’s older half-siblings—Connelly, says like he’s explaining that the sky is blue, “And Luke’s not that type of guy! Think he’s more acts of service…”
“Ooh, or words of affirmation….” another one of them muses, but the sound of your heartbeat tunes it all out. Well shit, have you been sending him the wrong signals? Or are there even any signals you want to send him? 
Nevertheless, in the matters of love or even the tiniest whisper of it—maybe there’s no one else you can trust with this stuff besides Cabin 10.
Wrong.
Absolutely wrong. Whatever the hell you’ve been convinced or whatever’s changed since last weekend—Luke just knows he hates it, and he’s angry. He’s angry at how you gasp in surprise every time you brush shoulders during archery practice when you used to let him fix your form, he’s angry at how you’ll squeeze campers’ shoulders to tell them they’re doing a good job carrying the strawberry crates—and all he gets is a mumbled ‘Thanks, Castellan’ when he stacks them up and takes your load.
Luke’s so terribly angry that Travis told him he’s been walking around like a big strawberry, face red and irritated—but not at you. 
He realizes he’s also angry at the fact that he can’t protect you from the onslaught of a rain cloud—or maybe it was the fact that you’re so okay with the rain touching your skin and seeping through your orange shirt like he wishes you’d let him. He’s angry at the way the wind blows your hair into your face and your fingers brush the strands away like he wishes he can. Most of all, Luke Castellan is angry that he didn’t know how good a simple touch could be until he lost it—before he even really got to appreciate yours.
You’re sitting on the opposite end of the row in the amphitheater laughing with your friends and the furrow in his thick brow is a tell-tale sign of his discomfort. Luke doesn’t dare to remember what it’s like before you to be honest—he’d rather give up Elysium instead of having you ignore him like this. He calls your name, a tinge of both anger and desperation until you look over at him, eyelashes kissing your cheeks. The hold you have on him transcends the physical touch of your fingers but he wants, no—needs you next to him.
“C’mere! Why are you so far away?”
Luke hopes it doesn’t sound pathetic, but a crooked grin splits across his face as soon as you make your way over, sitting down and crossing your legs away from him. It’s still too far, even if he can feel your breath on his shoulder.
“Did I do something to make you angry? I…” The words escape his mouth in a jumble—quick wit from his father escaping him, though he knows not to rely on that asshole, god or not. You mutter words that almost escape him too, and he leans in, chasing your hands and putting them in his own until they’re gentle and soft in his lap.
“No, no…. I just… don’t want to push your boundaries. I know you don’t like it when I’m too touchy,” and he thinks his heart clenches a little like how you’re squeezing his hands. Luke shouldn’t feel instant gratification from a subconscious action. He wants to know you mean it with him—that’s what he can’t put into words.
“I….like it when you do.”
You notice the way his fingers tangle tighter with yours, pinkys interlocking with yours. When he lets go, Luke wraps his arm around your shoulders until you’re able to laugh in the crook of his neck. He chooses to place a kiss on the corner of your mouth when your head sways to face him at the silly tune about centaurs and then you realize that Luke loves the way you love him. You wonder if he accidentally missed meeting your lips, but then the noise in your head quiets down when he pulls you closer, lips locking tenderly, intentionally—as they were always meant to.
You both hear a giggle that sounds a lot like tinkling bells belonging to children of Aphrodite. 
For once they were wrong about love. 
Luke’s tongue parts through your lips and meets your own like they’re in a long awaited embrace, dancing and devouring you from the inside out but this, you— are what he can rely on. This, your touch, and how he chooses to let it consume him, never letting go.
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lilgynt · 8 months
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so. bc we kept being put in a queue that we’re not trained for. that we’re not trained for bc of the widespread issue of this department pushing their work onto us and trying to snub that outright just by not training us. my company is making several of my coworkers come in on their day off for an eight hour training For that Department.
#personal#i’m probably not going bc im leaving that day#but hope they put me so i can just get away from calls for 8 hours#but also if they don’t im seriously thinking about just leaving half way#like ill just message my direct boss like hey still sick from yesterday (calling out monday) so im just gonna leave my stuff with security.#bye!#and then never look back#on one hand i do want this door open in case i need it but also i more or less already told that boss im calling out#and honestly i would rather kill my self than work here again#maybe if tomorrow goes rlly bad i just straight up leave my stuff#message boss like hey im just leaving my stuff tonight i’m not dealing with this anymore#probably not but it’s a little fantasy#anyway my department specifically my team not happy at all and all have said their jealousy#jealous i’m leaving fuck you tumblr mobile and fuck you autocorrect#one dude took one call and immediately got cussed out and then went postal and told our supervisor he’s not taking these calls#and she was like i get it’s frustrating but we’re a team so we have to#to which bc i’m leaving i was like okay but it doesn’t feel like a team when we have to take their stuff and then they treat us how they#treat us and are unable to help if WE need help#we need to hire more cs agents his happens every weekend#which led to the rest of the time agreeing/putting up a bit of a stink#and my supervisor was like mangement knows we’re trying to get cs agents#then i guess the answer was not hiring more agents for that department or even moving around the agents in their#but to add more to MY department#which like. anything that is not clearly labeled this is for x department#just auto falls on us even tho we only work on a limited number of things#god and like every department in a company feels like that! no we have to have several meetings about this specifically#bc it’s such an issue of having too much in our department or other departments just giving us everything EVEN stuff meant clearly for them#like it’s a huge problem#and they’re just making it worse with this. so glad i’m leaving
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