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#plus people at work are so kind
kirishwima · 2 years
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man. ive got good coworkers 😭
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14dayswithyou · 5 months
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
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For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
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What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
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⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
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💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
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📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
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📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
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🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
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🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮‍💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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reineydraws · 4 months
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i have this fic series i'm still working on where mihawk sort of becomes rayleigh's kid and spends ages 11-17ish on the oro jackson.
shanks and buggy imprint on him (bugs considers him a sort of older brother figure/sparring inspiration and shanks has a crush that eventually turns into full-blown love) and this is how i imagine they're like on the day mihawk sets off on his own haha.
#fic recs#dracule mihawk#akataka#mishanks#buggy#buggy the clown#shanks#akagami no shanks#red haired shanks#one piece#one piece fanart#op fanart#clearly my workaround to 'i should be working on my deadlines instead of doodling mishanks' is to finger-draw on my phone instead#on the plus side i'll never be tempted to go and fully render what was supposed to be a sketch#on the minus side i'm wondering if drawing with my finger takes up the same amount of time anyways.........#smh#anyways in this au i have this part planned where after shankd and buggy get into a fight over the chop chop#shanks comes crying to mihawk all devastated and annoyed and mihawk who is 16 and absolutely doesnt want to deal with a crying 12 year old#decides to fix things himself by showing buggy the pros of his devil fruit via forceful and incredibly harrowing sparring session LOL.#makes him see right away how much of a boon it is to never be able to get cut by a blade. it turns into an actually fun sesh#'cuz mihawk starts enjoying the challenge and the creativity and control and buggy starts wielding his knives in flying hands.#ends with mihawk berating him on how he treats his brother and how mihawk never wants to have to deal with shanks like that again#and also lowkey encouraging buggy by saying he's a resourceful kid and he's got people if he cant do things himself.#at this point in time shanks kind of wants mihawk to be his knight in shining armour so he's happy to hear what mihawk did#but mihawk is Fully Over bunking with two 12 year olds. ray please can he just set out on his own now. he's done it before. come on.#he is not a babysitter!!!!!!#tho these fics will focus mostly on hawk & ray jsyk#i digress
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unforth · 9 months
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Ngl as a small business owner who puts out something extremely pirate-able and who has never earned enough to make a pay check, this...
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...is extremely upsetting.
Do y'all realize that most small business are maybe a handful of people? Do y'all realize that company's like LLCs exist to protect owners from legal and financial repercussions if the company falls apart? I'm not a company because I have stockholders, I'm a company so that if the business goes bankrupt the banks can't seize my fucking house. It's not evil to use existing legal structures to protect my family's assets. It's not unreasonable to ask people not to steal from businesses like mine.
It's like on Tumblr when it's One Artist or One Author Doing The Thing Themself you guys are all about it but the minute anyone tries to collectivize to do better we go from One Person Against The World to The Embodiment of Capitistic Evil with no in between, which is especially insane coming from the website that claims to think individualism has turned toxic and we should do more with community organization. The minute lots of people are involved in a business, there HAS to be legal structures like contracts and shit to protect the people involved. The Lone Creator Forging a Path is great for that one person. What about everyone else?
And so... some of us try to make a company to lift up a group.
And then I see shit takes like this.
Maybe. Maybe DONT fucking pirate from literally anyone just cause they've got the word "company" I'm the name?
Maybe remember that for small businesses, yes even when they're a company, there's a single person, or a family, or a group of friends, who are working their asses off to build something, and actually? Stealing from them makes you a FUCKING DICK.
Like. You realize we're just people right? Other regular people trying to survive the dystopian hellscape that is the now?
Maybe stop acting like you're automatically entitled to the labor and creations of others solely because you've decided that there is an entire huge category of people it's okay to steal from.
Like honestly. What the fuck.
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cestacruz · 3 months
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Drawing the messiest sketches is actually so good for my brain
#my art#fate grand order#minamoto no tametomo#baobhan sith#barghest#i am in fact adding tametomo to lb6 thats what the first image is about#adding to or replacing tristan tbh#im sorry to tristan fans btw but tametomo would 100% survive against barghest#i love tristan btw but tametomo's literally stronger#i imagine he's summoned human (because of the lack of technology and the way it just stopped working while in lb6#so i decided to make him human because 1. i like to draw people and 2. i didnt want to find an explanation as to why he functioned HOWEVER#i do have one as to why he Would function even tho any other technology doesnt. kind of.#anyway#unimportant#he WILL be trying to snipe morgan from the other side of britain because just as ushiwaka has an obsession with decapitation#tametomo has an obsession with sniping individuals#he will also try and probably hit Melusine at least Once in the middle of the air. fucking shoots her down like a fcking. soemthing#he Will be dying because thats what characters who are in lb6 do#i just dont know when#i havent actually thought a lot about this apart from how much sniping they will make him do#PLUS LIKE#he requires a lot of mana to spam his NP but like isnt faerie britain FULL of mana? tametomo would be a BEAST#so i need to find limitations#also need to find moments on when he would be interacting with baobhan and be ga- wait he's a man and baobhan a woman that aint gay....#so anyway they're gay--#straight yuri ive said#im a lesbian LEAVE ME ALONE!!!#i can DO THIS im ALLOWED im GAY#i LOVE WOMEN!!!!#i think i need to mix the humanness with the robotness. either always or eventually or something up
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doubleedgemode · 3 months
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The Dandy with his Hand on his chest
I wanted to do a big piece before the month ended and I had been thinking on drawing a study of "The Nobleman with his Hand on his Chest" by El Greco with Slayer for a good while, because I adore that painting and believe it fits him, since it has a mysterious yet noble aura to me. Very dandy!
I love Slayer's Rev2 Color 4, so I got really happy when it returned as Color 10 in Strive, now with a very stylish nail polish, too.
#ok I'm attempting to keep my kilometric rambles in the tags instead of the post to not scare away people so keep reading if you want#slayer#guilty gear#guilty gear strive#guilty gear fanart#art tag2b named#before this painting I wouldn't have counted the og painting as one of my favs but now I do#I remember first seeing it in an artbook as a kid in which it was described as dismal and that actually scared me lol. It impacted me a lot#for a painting.. nowadays I feel it's awesome but again I still find it to have a bit of a mysterious aura. I hope this doesn't come off as#me going “I don't get this artwork so oooh it's scary!” but me thinking it has an aura that captivates your imagination#that being said I DID want MY version to be a bit unnerving or spooky because. color 10 slayer come on! I hope it worked#tried to do proper more complex lighting this time. I learnt a lot.. I def made the face's more dramatic but couldn't get the rest to look#the same plus I kinda like the face's contrasting with the rest of the lighting. also I do enjoy the end result of the body lighting#slayer's face is so tough.. that alone took me three days#idk what was going on w the background. it's a bit similar to my hos/ab.a pic's but fair enough#one day I'll learn to make complex detailed backgrounds. not today. it kind of came out like sm64d.s character portraits which could be a#bit unsettling for young me so it just works#sorry I enjoyed drawing this a lot so I have a lot of thoughts about it. thank you if you read. hope you enjoy the drawing :)#eye contact
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findafight · 1 year
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People making Robin mean to Steve is one of the biggest reasons I loved your one sided Ron*nce post. Because I genuinely cannot see Robin just overlooking how much Nancy hurt Steve just because Robin has a crush on her. Like even in small ways, I think Nancy did a number on Steve. I look at their relationship and see Steve being told he’s over dramatic, stupid, and that his hobbies and anything that makes him Steve is automatically less than Nancy’s hobbies and desires. Idk I just can’t see Robin hearing about that or about anyone treating Steve badly and not taking Steve’s side. Stobin should have the same brain always
Ahhh yes thank you!! Yeah it simply doesn't make sense to me with the history there. Because like. Even if we do not think Nancy cheated on Steve (which I believe she did, regardless of what TPTB say) she still broke his heart. Regardless of whether or not Steve thinks it's justifiable that she did, Robin wouldn't let that go. She holds a grudge like a motherfucker. The girl she liked had a crush on Steve and he also ate bagels messily in class and didn't know her name and she held onto that for at least two if not three years. No way that after she has finally found her forever person she'll let him being hurt go!! If she can hold onto a petty grudge she can hold onto a heartbreak grudge for her best friend. She does not like people who are mean to Steve and would not be one of them in the way she is sometimes made to be in fics(outside of legitimate misunderstandings, disagreements, normal friendship conflicts) (sorry I've rewritten this like 3 times trying to figure out how to say this without dissecting the st/ncy dynamic in s2. [which i ended up doing and then copy pasting that into a blank doc because oh. i have points. but off topic for this. But it's still a bit ranty] this gets a bit long, but I did delete a weird siderant in it so it's more on topic? I do have a stobin and r//ance point I SWEAR and I hope this is cohesive)
Like, I think Steve 100% blames himself for the breakup. We see this in s4. but also the show tries to make us believe that that's the truth and not Steve seeing Nancy through rose-coloured glasses which is wild. Unreliable Narrator Steve about his own love life is just. it makes sense with everything that we see happen between him and Nancy and how she very much has fault in the ending of their relationship, and should have taken more responsibility and at least broken up with Steve after she slept with Jonathan, but allowed Steve to shoulder the blame for being a "shitty boyfriend" when he really wasn't.
The way the breakup is framed as Steve's fault from the beginning of S2 is kinda wild to me because...Steve was right?? I ALSO wouldn't want to be discussing telling people the top secret government conspiracy that people had been murdered to keep it quiet over in the school library. That's not shitty boyfriend behaviour that's smart person scared of the government that can and will kill you if you blab behaviour. And Nancy even admitted she waited for Jonathan to make a move before going back to Steve, and then she cheated on him with jon! These are not things that Steve knows about or is responsible for! Why does the show make it seem like Steve is entirely at fault here!
Anyways I think Steve must not have told Robin everything and just used his "I was a shitty boyfriend" line on why they broke up for robin and while yeah, she's not good at reading people, she does know when to not push her sad looking friend into talking about a rough breakup. Which is why Robin is on the St/cy train in s4. If she had known everything, (once again not even touching the cheating) I cannot see her pushing Steve towards Nancy. She loves Steve and wants him happy, and thinks maybe if Nancy keeps giving him eyes, knowing Steve has changed in the past year and a half, Robin thinks maybe something can come of it! that's sweet! She's trying to get her friend back together with an ex he cares about, that obviously seems into him too, and doesn't know the extent of their breakup. Unfortunately canon did not make it clear Steve or Robin or Dustin or Eddie know Nancy and Jonathan are still dating? Which makes it very weird, and not make sense, so I am choosing to believe through a game of telephone with the kids Robin and Steve think Nancy and Jonathan broke up and that's why she didn't go to cali.
But Robin doesn't have all the facts so when he does tell her all about the end of his and Nancy's relationship, yes, and Robin is squinting at him because he is acting like it is his fault his heart got broken, but from all the facts given, it doesn't actually seem that way. She's not the best at reading people but she knows Steve, and it just...doesn't add up for her. Because all the things he said he did make sense to Robin, not wanting the government to kill you is actually very reasonable etc... And Steve is still so sad about it and clearly it still affected him getting his heartbroken like that. So Robin, who can hold a bagel crumb grudge like literally no one else, will obviously hold some resentment towards Nancy for hurting Steve like that even if Steve doesn't blame her, because Robin knows what it's like to just...not understand what you did wrong and still blame yourself for it. She's neurodiverse! If we use Rebel Robin, she lost Barb as a friend for seemingly no reason to her other than Barb finding a better friend(I think?) and it wasn't so dramatic as a breakup, but still. I think seeing that Steve had legitimately tried with the tools he was given to support Nancy and be a good boyfriend but blamed himself, and Nancy letting him do that, would strike a chord with Robin. She would Not let it go.
Robin might want to be Nancy's friend, especially if Steve is encouraging it, and insisting that it's fine and they did save the world together, but you're right! she could never overlook the fact that, not only is Nancy Steve's ex which makes things awkward anyway, but she also broke his heart and let him take the blame for it even if he doesn't realize it. (not to mention!! the cheating!!! I am still looking for post s2 st/ncy fic that let's them actually talk about it but it seems like that's just not addressed by the shippers? which is unfortunate because I'd read it, but I don't ship it enough to care to write it myself. Ya feel?) She could probably move past it for friendship if Steve was okay, but I also just...don't think they'd be super close friends.
Tbh I don't see Nancy really wanting to stick around with the Hawkins crew more than exchanging holiday cards and maybe a wedding or big event or something. It'd be nice for her to have people she knows she can rely on, but her goals are so much bigger than that and she'd want to get away and move on, especially if it was for sure over and done. She wants a lot more than Hawkins, and canonically only stays in contact with people involved with the Upside Down if they're dating her or related to her. I know we love to make everyone happy friends big found family but in canon...I don't think Nancy is really looking back at her hometown once she leaves for uni.
I don't think I can even picture Robin having a crush on her in anything other than "pretty badass girl appreciation" way because knowing thabout the st/ncy breakup would probably kill any butterflies before they hatch for Robin.
She couldn't do that to Steve. She couldn't do that to herself! I've seen people complain that a lot of the... not criticism but reasoning for not liking r0nance makes it about Steve so here's this. Robin wouldn't like Nancy not only because of all the Steve stuff, but because they simply do not vibe romantically.
Robin needs someone who will be able to smile and shrug off some of her rants or rambles or even find them endearing. Nancy needs to be alone for a while but in a partner someone is able to push back against her to challenge her and encourage her to her ambitions (this is something with Nancy robin I think would struggle with, with how Nancy was dismissive of Robin and her ideas, which might lead to insecurity for Robin) Robin is involved with people from the Upside Down, she's best friends with Steve, she obviously is familiar with Dustin and Erica and possibly Max. Nancy wanting distance from that aspect of her life wouldn't gel with the company Robin keeps.
I also think not wanting to risk hurting your friend or ruining your relationship with your best friend over a crush is completly legitimate reason for not pursuing a relationship (romo or not) of any kind. Like. jeez. God forbid you care what about your friends feel. It's frustrating when people treat that like it's a stupid reason when it's not!!
Robin wouldn't date Nancy because it may not ruin her relationship with Steve from Steve's side, but from hers. It'd make her question herself and what kind of friend she is. Would she want Steve to date an ex of hers that broke her heart? Even if she blamed herself for it? She wouldn't. Does she think Steve would ever do that? absolutely not, because Steve doesn't want to even risk hurting her. She values her friendship with Steve way more than a crush or a potential girlfriend. She's confident in their relationship far more than a fledgling romantic relationship. She doesn't want to even risk the chance of losing Steve, regardless if he says he's okay with her dating Nancy. Robin doesn't want to be the person who puts romance before her best friend, because she adores Steve, he's her person, they want to combine, and she knows Steve would never do that to her. It's Robin's choice! And I believe she would choose Steve.
Also, this one point is about shippers, it's sorta...super frustrating when so much of the reasoning of people wanting it to be canon prioritizes Nancy. Even when they try to make it about Robin it's about Nancy because it seems like they just. ignore that Robin's best friend is Steve, and that Nancy was annoyed by Robin rambling and being a bit Weird. different interpretations I guess but Nancy was jealous of Robin because of her closeness to Steve and also found her annoying! they got closer in the end and Nancy definitely respected her for the rant in the office, but she would still find those traits annoying. A lot of these points come from viewing r//ance as a potential canon ship when...it's not. (I think it is legitimately so hindering that a lot of shipping is about it being canon or whatever when no? it's just fun to explore a dynamic between characters! which is also why I don't get romo r//nce bc I think they'd have a really weird and kinda awkward relationship. which is fun and neat to explore even if it's messy!)
but still, it wouldn't happen in canon and that's fine!! it's okay to like fanon content! not everything has to be canon. and it's frustrating when people insist on there being a strong possibility of canon r//ance when there isn't. That's not a bad thing! It's just a thing! I'm sorry but based on what is going on with Robin and Vickie very likely being either in a relationship or on the cusp of one in s5, and everything going on between Nancy, jon, and Steve, there's no room for it. It wouldn't make sense to shoehorn it in when Vickie is literally Right There and smiling and enjoying being around Robin more than we saw Nancy being.
People doing this also insist it'd be good for Robin when really they just don't want Nancy to be with Steve or Jonathan and it's like yeah neither do I. I think Nancy should be single. Don't put that shit on Robin. Having them get together at the end is just not allowing Nancy time to be single and find herself and explore the big wide world, and not be tied to Hawkins. Nancy deserves a big post grad adventure without worrying about the upside down.
Let Robin have a cute redhead girlfriend who understands that sometimes she cannot stop her mouth but thinks she's funny and knows that she's gonna sometimes be Very Weird with Steve. Just because a character was created to be a love interest doesn't mean they cannot be interesting. Look at our boy Steve! He was initially supposed to be Nancy's jerk boyfriend who dies and look at him now. :')
Also. It'd be sooooo weird for Nancy there. Steve's her ex! Her gf being best friends with her ex would be weird for her!
and the argument that Vickie is boring is...like ok. more than one person is allowed to ramble when a bit fluster but okay. then so is Barb. She was also barely there. so is tommy. like. people are allowed to not like characters or like ships or whatever. But c'mon. Cut the girl some slack!
Vickie is an eveasdropper who wants to barg into stobin's weird thing. I believe she returned fast times stopped at fifty three minutes and whatever seconds on purpose to suss out if Robin got it. She got so distracted by complaining about her ex she over peanut butter two slices of bread. She thinks Steve is funny. She's a bit of a freak and I think if we continue to see more of her she'll fit nicely with stobin!
Literally I only think R0nance would potentially date in an au where steve and nancy never dated and robin and nancy did instead in a first teenage loves kind of way, but ended up being too different and prioritizing contrasting or conflicting things and realizing that they don't work as a couple. Like. Even there it doesn't really make sense to me? I mean I'm writing the post o66 au with that, the first teenage love r//ance because I do think that, given the right circumstances they would potentially fall in love. But I don't think it would last long term. They're too different about too many things to be compatible I guess.
Anyways yeah I can't vibe with Romo ships that have to disregard or ignore key factors of characters or their deep and loving platonic friendships with others. Sorry I wrote so much about this it probably makes no sense. Peace and love and remember stobin are platonic soulmates who are each other's number ones :)
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wuxian-vs-wangji · 3 months
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The work achievement I am most proud of is "F.U.N.", and you all can have it too!
"We're having F.U.N. This is F.U.N. Everything is F.U.N."
Sounds innocent and innocuous.
Drives the CEO insane.
Because everyone in the building knows F.U.N. means "Fucking Unbelievably Nuts".
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absolute DEARTH of dungeon meshi fanfics on ao3. in many ways but particularly gen fics that are over 2000 words and focused on adventure, magical shenanigans, fluff/angst, or some combination of those
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bunnihearted · 2 months
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🌙☁️🌌
#evenings and nights are always the worst for me#when i feel this lonely.... :(((#when you're alone the nights are the worst bc#u dont have anyone at all really.. and it gets so obvious at night#just .. the loneliness gets intensified#and i can compare bc#there was a period of time where i talked to someone everyday#and i looked forward to the nights and their messages and comforing goodnight messages#and so i know firsthand what big of a difference that makes#for years and years i've had these bad loneliness feelings tho.. so it's not smth new#but it gets harder and harder to deal with them. esp as the world outside is getting colder and crueler#and people only get more and more mean#plus when i do have smth wonderful that made me warm and happy and comforted that i dont have anymore#and can compare and know what im missing#it does get harder :c#i try to watch videos and think of other things but oh god this loneliness hurts so damn much i crumble underneath the weight of it#maybe life will get better dealing with it all if i have a stable income and an apartment with my pets#and go to work all day and come home too tired to feel lonely... idk?#im so scared i'll never find someone that i can be together with. bc i think im the kind of person who needs that#but im also so different and difficult and idk how and if it'll happen....#and how do i live with these heavy painful feelings of extreme loneliness ? idk :c#i try mindfulness too. and listening to music. and reading. and cuddling my pets#but im just a human. i want someone i love to hold me and fall asleep with them close to me.#i wanna lie in bed and talk to them abt anything bc between us it is a judgement free zone#despite what ppl say i am not weak for needing and wanting that. and being incredibly alone without it.#it's what i need and want but idk if i ever will and the thought of being stuck with this heavy loneliness all my life makes me wanna die#ok. peace out 😑✌️
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mad-hunts · 3 months
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this is a very specific scenario, i know, but barton trauma-bonding with a hero and vice versa because they got stuck in the middle of the desert together due to the fact that they were both simultaneously betrayed / LEFT TO DIE there, but they managed to survive after they spent some time vehemently refusing to help each other in the beginning. though, they soon began to help each other (albeit reluctantly) because they realized that would be the ONLY way that they would survive this. and barton tries to kickstart their bastardization arc™ by telling the hero to kill the people who dumped them there. and this is because, in his mind, they don't deserve to live. then barton goes on to tell them that he's planning on killing the person who betrayed him so it's fineee if the hero does it,, because he ain't a snitch + won't tell anyone they killed anyone (,: now whether or not the hero actually starts their bastardization arc is up to them, of course, but if anyone is interested in a plot like this... HMU because i think this would be such an interesting dynamic to roleplay 👀
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ahh. we love... two people that normally wouldn't interact on friendly terms.... trauma-bonding? 🫠 idk LOL but something-#about this plot satisfied a dynamic that i've been wanting for a while and that is the ' people who hate each other become friends -#through a near-death experience / something that FORCES them to depend on each other ' type of thing and just. Thinking about how-#ruthless the desert can be in terms of survivability makes it that much more believable for me that two people would only really-#be able to stay alive there if they actually start collaborating with each other and set aside whatever differences they may have had-#from before so yeah. plus i just... idk why but i just kind of want barton to be friends with a hero okok though not through traditional-#means ofc because they would hate him which is more than deserved. though just imagining them trying to get 'back to normal' after this-#happens and by that i mean them having the usual 'hero-villain' dynamic BUT it doesn't work especially in barton's case-#bc they showed barton that they could trust him and he actually LIKES them as a person now so they just kind of. Meet in secret-#sometimes now and because they were out there for a while (i'm thinking probably around 2-3 months) perhaps they-#depended on each other for comfort too bc OMG is that a long ass time to be deserted somewhere and so man's will just sort of cuddle-#up to them like they did in the desert with his head in their lap as they run a hand through his hair and basically. Yeah they've got a-#complicated relationship now to say the least 😅#tw: mentions of murder.
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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...
#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we#enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing#seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you#have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it#actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove#certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple#talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t#edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more#of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is#it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much#to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on#cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the#deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more#cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play#any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods#and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think#about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som#cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o#something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my#hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for#weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar#estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh#.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj
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good-beans · 11 months
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(Milgram self-insert oc masterpost hehe)
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Name: For the sake of posting online I’ll call her Rose!
Color: #E7355B [the pink in the art]
Age: I guess she’d be 20 given when Milgram started huh.
Status: Milgram Staff, Machine Technician
Symbols/imagery: ballet/musical theater, science experiments
Song genre: very similar to Mahiru's, something upbeat and extra pop-y
Tentatively she's number 011? She's not really prisoner but she's also not free to come and go, so I'm not actually sure if she'd get a number (Edit: I've decided she'll actually be 012. Staff is given the 01X range, and even though Es doesn't actively have a number they'd be staff member 011, making her 012.)
Story: Since the project is supposed to be realistic/present day, the mv machine would be brand new and unpredictable tech, so they’d want someone keeping up on maintenance and making sure the brain-invasive process won’t cause any harm to the prisoners. Rose was studying abroad in Japan working on some cool neuroscience tech (irl I know nothing about technology or brains but shh) and she stumbled upon some secret tech/plans from Milgram. Long story short, she was dragged into the experiment to make sure things ran smoothly.
Writer's Reasoning: She’s really fun for me to play around with, as she allows me to work with a character who has a tiny bit of pull over Es’ mindset in conversation but not the final decision (aka mirroring the voting system), and someone who is simultaneously trapped in the prison but has a reason to see all the canon content.* I really enjoy the character interactions and dynamics Milgram has set up so far, so it’s been super fun seeing how things change for better and worse when someone not quite aligned with either Milgram/the prisoners is thrown into the mix!
*As much as I love dramatic irony in fiction, it would drive me crazy if I knew every detail of of the vds/mvs but Rose didn't – and every single Milgram character is The Worst Communicator Ever so I couldn’t justify that she’d hear it secondhand from them...
Story roles:
She’s a bit conflicted -- she’s officially Milgram staff and knows she should remain neutral on the prisoners, since she won’t be allowed to interfere with the process/executions. At the same time, her job description is literally “make sure the machine doesn't hurt them and everyone's safe :)” and she's way too emotional to avoid getting hopelessly attached to everyone 😅
I really enjoy the theory that the machine extracts videos based off of priming, so one of Rose’s duties involves listening in on the interrogation and making sure there’s been enough material discussed/not too much time has passed overall (hence the ringing of the bell happening at different lengths for each vd -- That's her ringing it :3). She then watches the mvs along with Es to make sure there are no machine glitches, and know how to calibrate it better for next time.
(IEdit: I've since decided to add in official trial mvs, but before when I wasn't ready to tackle that:) She has to run some tests on the machine to make sure things are calibrated correctly, so she'd extract little things here and there. It gives me the opportunity to think up lyric snippets and recurring symbols for her without worrying about full encompassing music videos.
I'm not afraid to admit she can fall into Mary Sue territory every so often by being everyone's friend, because it's less about "aw everyone likes her" and more about "canon is too painful rn and I need a fix-it tool to take care of these guys and give them hugs and tell them someone forgives them and cares about them and unfortunately these characters wouldn't let anyone less than a friend do that." Rest assured she's definitely not perfect and will fuck everything up on occasion :3
Miscellaneous: Whenever I play around with normal au ideas she's still working on the machine (but in a public, more ethical setting), and she's Mahiru's roommate :) Her character isn't super focused on love, but if I had to pick a cover song it'd be Stickybug II. It's very much my vibe, the lyrics fit well enough (better than most songs, at least lol) and it's one of my favorites out of my limited knowledge of unchosen Deco songs! (Edit, I've actually given her non-deco cover songs hehe)
So yeah, I hope she's not too boring without a cool crime to decipher, but I wanted to share since I was really proud of her! It took a bit of tinkering to find a way to fit her into a perfect secret-third-thing role that runs very smoothly with all of canon, so I was very excited!
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jacelys · 4 months
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you could write the most crazy insane version of Challengers with Kaiser, Isagi, and Ness I just know it
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eddis-not-eeddis · 5 months
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Dealing with newcomer's embarrassment gets easier if you are surrounded by people you have no respect for.
#oh this other professional saw me do something stupid that messed up my paperwork?#but she does shady things worse than the mistake i just made on purpose to make a buck#oh i just said something dumb to my boss#give him a few hours and he'll say something even dumber to me#oh no the guy who has been working at this job for twenty years just saw me make a rookie mistake#agony abounds but he just did six other things a lot worse than I did all in one day so i'll live with it#oh no the manager is a little disappointed with my performance?#so what he's a pushover and he won't say or do anything about it anyway i'll do better next time#oh no my one coworker hates my guts#she hate's everyone else's guts too and literally never shuts up about it#i'm not special#it sounds kind of depressing--and it can be#but i have a lot of affection for these people regardless of their issues#i just don't really let my failures around them bother me too much anymore because i honestly don't care what these people think of me#i'm not going to make the same mistakes ever again#but i don't have to let this stuff keep me up at night because i did something wrong#if i'm not going to go to them for advice why do i care what they think about me?#it was something that i realized a few months ago and ever since it's made things a LOT easier to deal with#plus#these people aren't dwelling on my failures either#they all have their own stuff going on#yeah they might harp on it for a while bit new things will come up and eventually they forget#they aren't thinking about me that much anyway#XD
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moe-broey · 7 months
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I've never been a "born in the wrong generation" type of guy because for So Many reasons I would be dead. Full stop like I would have died during childbirth I would have died of appendicitis age 8 and that's not even factoring in my queerness and neurodivergency and ultimately my mental health (carefully maintained thanks to support/modern advances in medicine and treatment). On Top Of That my hobbies include The Video Game and many such things that are of modern invention (adjacently: including The Device I'm typing this out on right now which has become my main avenue of communication to the outside world)
But I'm just saying that. It WOULD be nice. To exist in a world where fluorescent lighting doesn't exist and everything is possibly 99% less overstimulating all of the time forever.
#and like. a little less capitalist dystopia. i could do with less of that.#but focusing primarily on my own struggle. it's just a bummer sometimes like#i genuinely had fun!!! w my sisters and friends!!! esp at the arcade w ddr that is ALWAYS so fun#but man you can't even take me to your own damn house unless if you're ready to accept vampire rules.#my sister can/does dim the lights if i ask and i don't mind asking it's just fucking crazy to me like#damn uoy guys live like this. bright ass lights ten diff convos at once music in the bg. what if i died on this beanbag#BUT. THAT IS. one thing that is very nice i AM allowed to die on the beanbag!!!!!!! i'm allowed to cozy up and rest#while everyone does their own thing and i can listen in and chime in every now and again. severely underrated tbh#i really only feel a little hopeless when i think about like. public spaces where the only thing i can control is myself#IF i am ever employable again my requirements would be. no florescent lighting. i will die.#which like. kind of limits my prospects.#i do enjoy outdoors/physical work actually though so. i'm just limited bc i have to bind.#i am. so severely. banking on top surgery working out. it won't be a cure-all but by god it WILL open up my options#plus the. constant fatigue. of binding. but not binding is even worse. i need divine intervention (surgery)#SAD. well there are other people in yhe world#but man rhat is like my fave joke to make but i feel so much sadness attached to it. the world will move on without me.#there are a million other people who are far more capable. much 'easier'. ect.#and i know the answer is well there's only one me and there are a handful of people who love me. who keep me and include me#i am very thankful for that.#it's just a bit of a bummer sometimes. i stay silly and have the most fun i can but i am a little sad about it.
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