#so jingly jangly !!!!!

[raionmimi]

This is what Yui looks like to me actually

[oblivionsdream]

Just a jingly jangly fool.

I absolutely love jesters and I just had a lot of fun with his outfit. He doesn’t yet have a name but I already love him.

[rocksanddeadflowers]

*slaps my battle vest like a car dealer promoting a car* this bad boy can hold so many little interests

[thatoneluckybee]

i’m so confused parent is trying to stop my trichotillomania by making me “fidget with other things” and i just got handed a plastic reptile toy with no context

[hunkydorkling]

SO. Uh, updated my art portfolio tumblog today, in impressive triple time mind you, and now I'm giving y'all the pleasure of checking it out. :^)

✨️ corny-babe.tumblr.com ✨️

[galedekarios]

i saw a post not so long ago talking about how emmrich probably would be all jingly jangly with the amount of jewellery he wears and i'm a magpie myself so i had to go back and check just how many pieces he actually wears:

he has (approximately bc they vary in each piece of art / footage shown):

1 collar pin/brooch

around a dozen bracelets on his left arm

1 delicate golden chain on his left arm connecting a ring and bracelet

7 rings on his left hand

5 bracelets on the right arm

6 rings on his right hand

3 golden chains on his waist coat

3 golden chains on his belt

that brings the tally up to well over 30.

💍🔔 💍🔔💍🔔💍

[seat-safety-switch]

Not all crimes are bad, really. For instance, there's the classic example of stealing bread to feed your starving family. Blowing up an unjust group of jerkwads to preserve the status quo. And my personal favourite, using an enormous electromagnet to steal coins from the mall fountain.

The haters are gonna leap down my throat for that last one. It is true that the shopping mall fountain has fallen on hard times. For starters, not as many people go to the mall anymore. And when they do, they usually pay by credit card, FaceCheck®, or debit. There's simply not enough change heading into the fountains, so every single cent matters.

You might ask yourself, as a member of a bygone era, where did that change go? Those wishes didn't come true, none of them did. Surely after a half-century of suburbanites plonking metal icons of the Queen into the water, it would have clogged a drain or a pump filter or something. The answer is that highly-trained mall employees were nobly tasked, during the legally required periodic draining and sanitation of the fountain (i.e. every time a kid peed in it) to remove that change and remand it to the custody of mall management. This jingly-jangly bounty used to be a source of untold wealth for shopping mall landlords, perhaps even in excess of their own salaries.

Now, the managers are gone, but the coins remain. The last layer of discarded pennies, quarters, and even loonies – loonies, I tell you, some real rich people in this town – are forgotten as each dead mall hollows out, its lights staying on even as the people inside have departed. That is, except for private security, who wouldn't accept a fistful of slightly damp and highly magnetized quarters as a bribe. Bribery is another crime, I'm told.

[dangermousie]

2023 End of Year Post - cdrama edition

Yes, we have a lot of December left, but I don't think anything else I want to check out will air before 2024 hits (it's cdrama so caveat is - you never know.)

This is only going to cover cdramas that aired in 2023; if I watched it but it was made in a different year, it's not on the list. This was a pretty good cdrama year, all in all.

DRAMAS WATCHED

(In order of liking from least to most as opposed to pure quality; I am including if I’ve seen enough to make up my mind; yes I realize that’s inaccurate, but that’s my list)

30 legend of twin flower - Not dignifying that drama with capital letters, as the only capital that should be associated with this is capital punishment - which is what watching this feels like.

29 Dominator of Martial Gods - sounds like a bdsm gay porn title. Would probably be better acted and written if it was.

28 Beauty of Resilience - you'd need a lot of said resilience to sit through this incoherent, barely acted mess. The thing that I remember the most other than my annoyance is all the jingly-jangly head gear on JJY. Perhaps they could have sold some of them and spent the money on a better script.

27 Divine Destiny - if you think you have too many brain cells and want to get rid of some, boy do I have a drama for you!

26 Wanru’s Journey - honestly it's probably tied with SEL - I mean it's worse but it has actors who are nowhere as well known and a fraction of SEL's budget. Still, this is a big fat nope. I will not say what I think of Aoi Rupeng's "acting" or I'd have to put money in the curse jar.

25 Snow Eagle Lord - Gulinazha's stone face, nonsense plot, terrible CGI. Take your pick as to why this is terrible.

24 Scent of Time - it was uneven but fun but then that ending was dumb enough to destroy the whole thing. Show me on the doll where common sense hurt you, makers!

23 Royal Rumors - Jeremy Tsui and Meng Ziyi are utterly wasted in this nothing trifle of a drama.

22 Legend of Anle - I had high expectations but alas. This is the drama version of color beige. There is nothing offensive about it but nothing good either. Mediocre actors are mediocre, good actors become mediocre, this is just a waste of our finite time on planet earth.

21 Romance on the Farm - it's not you, it's me in action. I can see why people would like this wholesome slice of farming family life, but it's tailored to trigger every one of my "nope" opinions.

20 Back from the Brink - if I were 12, it would be my favorite thing. I am not 12.

19 Journey of Chong Zi - objectively a terrible drama with plot holes the size of Mars and a leading lady whose face has apparently frozen when the wind changed. But I am a total sucker for the trope of upright shizun falling for his demonic disciple and going mental so here we are. Objectively, garbage, subjectively my precious!

18 Love you Seven Times - just call poor Ding Yuxi "Atlas," he carried this mess so hard.

17 Blooming Days - trashy dogblood harem fight fun throwback. It's not that great (and the fact that it was shredded doesn't help) but it's probably the last gasp of that genre for the foreseeable future, so I am grading on a curve.

16 The Starry Love - a fun fantasy where the secondary OTP stole the thunder but overall a really solid fantasy xianxia romance.

15 The Longest Promise - it could have been better - the secondaries were unbearable and there was too much of them and what they did with Alen Fang's character still gives me rage fits, but the main couple was impeccable and lovely and I rooted so hard for them.

14 Chang Feng Du/Destined - visually gorgeous, solidly acted, impeccable first half. Bland as hell second half. Win some, lose some.

13 Circle of Love - this drama is a nonsense trash heap on fire. After a typhoon hit it. It was also the most entertaining, addicting drama on this whole list.

12 Hidden Love - the sole modern on this list, this story has barely any plot but it made me care about the young, decent lovers so hard.

11 Choice Husband - starts out wacky, continues with angst and blood and happy ending. I loved it, but I've always had a soft spot for melo and schemers turning devoted.

10 Pledge of Allegiance - bromance, super solid acting, visuals, a really dark take on officials and the world. Insanely underrated.

9 Provoke - a truly fun Republican revenge and love tale, showing that short format can be wonderful.

8 Gone with the Rain - some of the secondary characters are rage-inducing (hi there, cardboard boy!) but the scheming, ruthless, vulgar FL is amazing and her slowburn with her age gap general who is delighted by her out-there-ness is great!

7 Wonderland of Love - Fei Wo Si Cun goes wholesome and the result is surprisingly entertaining. Battle couple, glorious visuals, a fast paced plot. It's the first Xu Kai drama I enjoyed in years (and he plays a rare cdrama ML it would be pretty neat to pair up with in rl.)

6 My Journey to You - that ending is infuriating (and I am OK with open endings if done properly) but what a visual feast, probably the most gloriously shot drama on this list, and that's a tough competition. Also it packs a hell of a lot of couples and familial and adversarial relationships into its slim running time; assassin lady won over by a gentle man is my favorite trope and so this is extra great.

5. Till the End of the Moon - the ending is a rage-inducing disaster for me, but this drama was the most incredibly emotionally intense, visually eye popping experience. It was deeply flawed but when it was amazing, it was like nothing else in its visuals, its characters and its narratives. It took insane risks; some paid off and some did not, but it was glorious.

4. Story of Kunning Palace - I don't often care for reverse harem stories but this one was such fun - the main OTP was glorious (strong FL, unhinged ML) but honestly everything about this was just so excellently done.

3. The Ingenious One - the most adult drama on this list. Smart protagonists, intelligent plot, emotions that felt true, this is a revenge and a mystery and found family and goes into so many directions you do not expect (Su Mengyu's PTSD after his first kill - that is something you never see in dramas, definitely not prolonged and profound - not like this.) If I was to say which drama was objectively the best on this list, as opposed to favorite, it would be this.

1 (tie) Lost You Forever 1 - this is an exquisite emotional jewel of a story about damaged people moving forward, with damage always present - their past informs their present and always will. The narrative about Xiao Yao and three very different men in her life makes me think that it's an equivalent of a neutron bomb going off right before the main narrative starts and now we are watching the survivors wander in the wreckage. This is very high fantasy setting but it's one of the most emotionally human narratives out there.

1 A Journey to Love - everything I ever wanted - assassins, ride or die adult OTP with genuine believable conflicts, great and complex secondaries, beautiful fights. Oh, and yeah Liu Shi Shi domming the hell out of every man in a ten mile radius, as she should.

FAVORITE DRAMA

It's a tie between Lost You Forever Part 1 and A Journey to Love. LYF1 is a bona fide art piece but it's only part 1 and who knows if part 2 will be any good (seeing the huge ep number cut, I have my doubts) and so it's incomplete. AJTL is an old school wuxia romance with incredibly competent, adult people in love and great cast of secondaries. I can't pick.

WORST DRAMA

romance of twin flower - this is a drama that should not exist. If I could hex everyone involved with it, I would. It's a terrible, stupid, shrill, badly acted drama to start with, but where it really is catapulted into stratosphere of horror is that is took my very favorite non-danmei web novel of all time, a smart and complicated tale with incredible protagonists and turned it into that barftastic abomination. Peng Xiao Ran kept making horrible drama after horrible drama but I kept giving her a chance because of Goodbye My Princess but after this disaster, I've had to accept GMP was a fluke and she is on my "if she's in it, I am out” list. Ding Yuxi is not that far yet (his performance in Seven Lifetimes was the one thing carrying that mess afloat) but he's on freaking thin ice. Anyway, I like to pretend this drama does not exist.

FAVORITE MALE CHARACTER

It was hard because there were so many I loved this year - Deng Wei's traumatized, gentle Seventeen from LYF1 (if someone told me I'd swoon and weep for a character played by Deng Wei, I'd have told them to examine their brains asap), Liu Yuning's incredibly capable, deadly, contained Ning Yuanzhou from AJTL, Zhang Linghe's unhinged Xie Wei from SoKP, Chen Xiao's schemer with a heart Yun Xiang from TIO.

But ultimately, it couldn't be anyone else but Luo Yunxi as Tantai Jin/Demon God/Ming Ye/Cang Jiumin in Till the End of the Moon. He was everything - a demon, a saint, a martyr, a monster, a tormented abuse victim, a savior, joyful, unhinged, smart, pitiable. It was the cdrama performance of the year for me. Luo Yunxi even in a mediocre role is impressive but in a complex (series of) role(s) designed for his strengths, he is a force of nature.

FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER

Xiao Yao (Lost You Forever Part 1). Once again, there were runner ups - Bai Lu's smart a little evil FL in Kunning, the gloriously unhinged assassin domme Liu Shi Shi in AJTL, Esther Yu's assassin longing for a different life in MJTY etc etc etc. But Xiao Yao's damaged, difficult, very self-aware woman stole my heart. I was skeptical going in because I haven't enjoyed a Yang Zi performance in a long time, but she was the wounded beating soul of this incredible drama.

NEEDS TO BE MURDERED

Where do we start? How about all of Seventeen's (LYF1) monster family? His brother, who tortured him for years physically and emotionally to such a degree his body is a horror map and his personality is permanently altered because "mommy liked you better." Psycho mother who created a situation where the kids were going to turn on each other and "let's get my grandson raped" grandma. Where is a well-placed meteorite when you need one.

FAVORITE SHIP

Xiao Yao/Seventeen, LYF1. Yes, a ship of characters played by Yang Zi and Deng Wei is my favorite. Leave me alone, I am on my tenth helping of crow already. They are both incredibly damaged, barely functioning survivors who find what they need in the other - he finds a savior and someone who sees him as a man and rebuilds himself around her and she finds someone who will always put her first and only, and subsume himself in her. Is it healthy? No. Does it make sense for them and is it making them slowly functional? Yes.

Runner up: Ren Ruyi/Ning Yuanzhou, AJTL - two adults, so competent, so chemistry full. She has so much damage and so little normalcy but is so strong and he is oddly gentle (in between murders) and incredibly self-reflective. They are each other's mirrors and I love them.

FAVORITE SECONDARY OTP

Su Mingyu/Ke Menglan, The Ingenious One - the idealistic merchant who wants to join jianghu until he sees its horrors firsthand and a slave entertainer who wants security but decides she wants him more. They are gorgeous and glorious and wholesome and I adore them.

Runner up: Liu Gong Quan/Ming Zhu, The Ingenious One - that drama was a shippy gift, especially impressive considering it wasn't even romance-centric. He's the officer who has to bring down her treasonous father but loves her. Delicious.

Another runner up is Chao Feng/Qian Kui, the angelic good girl and the scheming bad boy in The Starry Love. They stole the drama from the main OTP for me.

NOTP

Scent of Time endgame. What the hell was even that. It made NO sense.

FAVORITE SCENE

So many good scenes this year - Tantai Jin taking apart Li Susu in prison in TTEOTM, the OTP fighting in perfect sync and insane rhythm in the gorge battle in AJTL, Chen Ruoxuan's character stopping the execution in Pledge, Yan Lin's coming of age in Kunning, the poison/antidote "gamble" in MJTY, Cang Xuan detoxing in LYF1. But I think ultimately, me being who I am, my favorite scene is Xiao Yao kissing Seventeen's damaged, scarred knee to show he is in no way inferior for her. AAAAA!

In terms of pure jaw dropping visuals tho nothing will ever beat Ming Ye’s battle against the Devil God in TTEOTM.

BIGGEST CRUSH

Ning Yuanzhou, AJTL. He's sexy as hell (that height, that way he moves in battle) but he's also so incredibly competent, so adult, so self-reflective and so attracted to a woman for her strength. He also gets whumped on the reg. Anyway, my hormones are ready.

BEST SCENE STEALER CHARACTER

Gong Yuanzhi (My Journey to You) - I loved the unhinged, brocon poison boy. He was everything. Also Yan Lin (Kunning) - talk about sunshine; I totally got why all these people felt they needed to save him.

NEEDS A SEQUEL

My Journey to You - what the HELL was that ending?

NEEDS SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

legend of twin flower - that is, stab it with scissors like it stabbed the novel until it's dead.

TOO MANY SCISSORS TAKEN TO IT

Till the End of the Moon - they clearly cut stuff to fit into the new regs about runtime and it made the last 1/5 rather abrupt. Gimme!

TROPE THAT NEEDS TO DIE

The emperor cannot be irredeemable. WTF, China, you are a communist country!

FAVORITE TROPE WE’VE SEEN A LOT OF

This is the year of a ML who yearns to be dommed by his FL. Long may it continue.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT

The Legend of Anle - the novel had a great plot, the cast were all actors I either enjoy a lot or somewhat and we got - whatever that soggy piece of wonderbread toast was.

BIGGEST GOOD SURPRISE

LYF1 - I only checked out to mock because nobody could explain the story to me and nobody in the cast did anything I like either ever or in years. And then I fell utterly and completely in love and had to eat so much delicious crow.

2023 DRAMAS I HAVEN’T SEEN THAT I MOST WANT TO WATCH

Ancient Love Song is the only one on that list. It looks really good, I just need to brace myself.

BEST NON-2023 DRAMA I’VE WATCHED IN 2023

The Imperial Doctoress - best slowburn and pining and glorious character development and adult leads.

MOST ANTICIPATED

Anticipating any nonaired cdrama is a mug's game but if they air, I will definitely check out all the Fox Matchmaker dramas, LYF2, JoL2 and The Last Immortal. If Prisoner of Beauty ever is allowed out of the vault (dubious), it goes on the list too.

[nostalgiaclown]

Emmrich must be so jingly jangly when he walks with all the chains and bracelets

[thetwilightroadtonightfall]

dang, I really missed an opportunity not giving Charis a carabiner with like 30 keys for different places across town. The aesthetic of having jingly jangly keys and keychains is peak 👌 and the irony of it would’ve been so funny

[adonisbeloveds]

Hi so I have a Rf wally request, so how about wally having a gn child reader who pushes someone in the grinder because that person was being mean to them

Scenario

Child reader: *goes to Rf Wally’s office* “hey papa guess what!”

Rf Wally: *drinking coffee* “what is it?”

Child reader: “I pushed someone in the grinder!”

Rf Wally:*Spits out his coffee after hearing that* “What!?”

Wally was checking his papers when he heard a slight creak of his door being opened, looking up from the papers he saw a small figure walking towards him with a smile on their face. The tiny figure walked around his desk to where he was sitting before tugging at his pants and smiling. "Papa! papa! guess what! guess what!" The child spoke with such excitement in their voice reminding him of someone he use to know, Wally hummed before taking a sip of his coffee "whats up kiddo?" he asked. The child slightly bounced in their place before cheerfully speaking "I pushed someone into the grinder!" The moment those few words came out of the childs mouth the man choked on his coffee before clearly his throat and looking at the kid. "Pardon? what? why? How?!" The kid just smiled before telling their story, explaining how the employee was being rude and making fun of the poor kid, and how they got fed up with the person and thought that since the person wasn't important they could just turn them into new colors! Wally sighed before picking the kid up and placing them on his lap "any other parent would be traumatized, but I guess raising a kid in this place makes them a bit different, just ask me next time got it kid?" The child just giggled and nodded, grabbing a spare piece of paper and some crayons before drawing to their hearts content.

Me walking up like I didn't leave all my requests to catch dust for months Special thanks to DODO for making the Rf wally AU and yourinternetmom for adopting the AU, I love that man anyway jingly jangly come eat your food

[meursaulty]

the people have spoken and it took me a while but... behold

malorn keychain preorder

now featuring better contrast and a glittery front side

black hardware

2.5"

and also...

mellori chain charm preorder

double sided so you get not one but two outfits to adorn your keys

jingly jangly and fun to swing around

green hardware

new: single mellori keychain for same price as malorn

thank you for reading and as a reminder i make like no profit on these so KI doesn't sue me and because i really want them to find good homes 😭 i'll leave these open for a week (8/14/23-8/21/23) depending on interest

update: i bungled some shipping settings... these guys can now be purchased internationally/outside usa!

[whumpshaped]

I grin and haul them up again, whisking them away. The chair they get set down in cages them in with the arm rests, against the nice table, and it is surprisingly heavy. Maybe they're just too weak.

"For you." I agree as I dig through some stuff that might be fun. Thanks, paranoid uncle. Not so paranoid after all. They can catch a glimpse of silver in the drawer, like any sane human might have, but also some things that seem... less common. Hopefully. That might be a muzzle, or it might be tangled wire meant to be woven into ropes. "Lucky for me, though. Cute aggression is a bitch."

(i don't rlly know tumblr rp ettiquite so feel free to delete if u dont want to. but if u do i will sign off with the eyes hehehe)

-👀

(ps im imagining helle with the bells in their hair lmao, jingly jangly)

The bells in their hair jingle happily as they're dragged around, as though they have no idea what's going on. Helle yelps as they're shoved into a chair, but they try their best to at least get comfortable. It's difficult with their hands tied like that.

Red eyes follow your every move as you ponder your options, and Helle starts to get very restless. This all reminds them way too much of punishments with Lady Marie, and they don't like it. Panic they've scarcely felt during the past two centuries is beginning to take hold of them, sinking its claws into their stomach first, then slowly, painstakingly, crawling up to their lungs, their heart, latching onto their windpipe and closing up their throat.

This shouldn't be happening. No human should've been able to overpower them like that. No human should be able to withstand their exceptional magic, the thing they've relied on for as long as they can remember. They try the rope again, more insistently, very distraught when it refuses to give.

"Before you do anything, I would like to remind you that there is no way I have just lost my powers forever. Now, I am not upset with you, not yet. Maybe you should keep it that way," they suggest helpfully. "I would hate to see you cry and beg for mercy when I eventually get out and start to tear you limb from limb. It would be so silly. Why not keep the nice, friendly relations?"

[zacharybosch]

Willing and Able

Stede goes very still for a moment, his next breath a touch heavier than the one before. “Captain’s orders?” he asks, taking a tiny step forward, back into Ed’s space.

“Yeah,” Ed breathes, and he backs against the desk as Stede takes another step, plants his hands on the wood and slides his hips up and back to sit. He lets his legs fall open, and the bell jangles, loud in the quiet cabin.

------

hello everyone i am very pleased to report that i am also sexualising ed's cat bell AND his burlap onesie.

E-rated, 3.3k words, lots of jingly janglies. please enjoy.

------

🔔read Willing and Able below or on AO3!🔔

It’s become a little ritual, each night. When the rest of the crew have started turning in for bed or settling down for the night watch, Ed and Stede will separately find their ways onto the main deck. They take their time about it, slow and meandering, Ed’s bell tinkling softly with the sway of his body and the rock of the boat. They meet between the cannons at the starboard railing, what Ed has come to think of as their spot, and Stede smiles and asks how Ed’s day was, and Ed tells him something mundane and silly.

And then they kiss.

Sometimes that’s all it is, a kiss and a soft moment and then the short walk to separate beds in their shared cabin. Other times, they kiss, and then talk, and then kiss again, and then talk again. It’s become a running joke to try and work in some variation of ‘You wear fine things well’, what started out as the most devastatingly romantic thing Ed had ever heard worn smooth at the edges, shaped into something small and comfortable and familiar that they can throw easily back and forth between them.

Tonight, post-kiss in the silver moonglow, cool breeze tugging at his flyaway hairs, Ed pins Stede with his soft gaze and lets his head fall to one side. The sound of his bell keeps time with the lapping of the waves, and Stede reaches out a hand and rests it at Ed’s collarbone, jostles the bell with a finger, says, “You wear… chime things well.” When Ed doesn’t respond, Stede carries on. “You know, like the chime of a bell—”

“Mmm. Not your best work, mate,” Ed murmurs, and places his hand over Stede’s, “but I’ll take it.”

Stede laughs sheepishly, twines his fingers into Ed’s, and tugs him away from the rail. Just this tonight, then. Slow, like Ed asked. Slow, like Stede promised.

Back in the cabin, Stede wanders over to the shelves to pick a new book for bedtime reading, and Ed starts tidying a few papers strewn over the desk. Another ritual, organically grown and never discussed. It’s nautical maps on the desk tonight, dozens of them; Stede must be working on his course-plotting again.

“Been busy today, hm?” Ed asks idly, shuffling the maps together and putting the sextant and compasses back into their cases. He knows this is something in particular that Stede has found it difficult to get his head around, and doesn’t want to ask too much in case the day’s exercises didn’t go well. Something about knowing when to let things lie, when previously he might have forced the point.

“Beating my head against a wall,” Stede sighs. He comes over to the desk, leans into Ed’s body and rests his head against his shoulder. These casually intimate touches are still so thrilling, and Ed’s skin ripples with it. “It’s just not clicking. Izzy does it so easily. I don’t know why I can’t.”

Ed rubs his cheek against the top of Stede’s head. The bell tinkles softly against his throat. “You’ll get it eventually, Captain.”

“Struggling a bit with that too, to be honest. I still don’t feel much like a captain.” He leans away with a little sigh, putting a few inches of space between their bodies, and Ed turns to face him. Stede’s gaze is soft, and it catches on the dip at the base of Ed’s throat. “You know you don’t have to wear that in here, not with me.”

“I…” Ed begins, and then falters. He knows he’s been leaving the bell on even when he’s alone with Stede, but hasn’t really thought about why. When he considers it now, he realises that what had started as an annoyance—perhaps even a humiliation—too tight around his neck and discordant in his ears, has morphed into something else without him even noticing. The braided cord has loosened and softened with wear, and its slight weight is reassuring. The chime of the bell has become his own personal music box, a sweet little birdsong out on the open ocean. “I dunno, I kinda like it. It’s nice.”

“I just don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you.”

“I’ll take it off if you want me to. Captain’s orders, and all.”

Stede goes very still for a moment, his next breath a touch heavier than the one before. “Captain’s orders?” he asks, taking a tiny step forward, back into Ed’s space.

“Yeah,” Ed breathes, and he backs against the desk as Stede takes another step, plants his hands on the wood and slides his hips up and back to sit. He lets his legs fall open, and the bell jangles, loud in the quiet cabin.

Stede very carefully places his hands on the desk, either side of Ed’s, and leans in. “I’m your captain,” he says, voice low.

“And I’m a…” Ed’s words trail off as he looks at Stede’s mouth, feels the warm puff of his breath ghosting over his skin. “A useful member of your crew.” He flicks his eyes back up, catches Stede’s gaze, holds it. “Ready, willing, and able.”

There have been moments, over the past two or so weeks since their first kiss, where things have started to get a little heated. A kiss that lingers, a touch with an idea behind it, building warmth and a frisson of excitement; felt and enjoyed and then carefully pulled back in the interest of being slow.

Stede kisses Ed, and it is not like those moments.

It’s all the built-up potential of what those moments could’ve turned into. Ed immediately pushes into it, opens his mouth and presses in with his tongue and meets Stede there, also hot and open and waiting for him. Ed whines in the back of his throat and paws at Stede’s chest, digging his fingers into the muscle. Stede tugs at the sackcloth at Ed’s waist, looking for the gap that would normally be there with a shirt and trousers, and makes a frustrated noise when he doesn’t find it.

“It’s all in one,” Ed says, breathless from their kissing, “like a dress with legs. Only one way in or out, gotta get naked every time I wanna take a fuckin’ piss—”

Ed’s letting his mouth run away on him again, and he’s been trying to be more thoughtful about needlessly filling silence, but right now it doesn’t fucking matter because Stede puts his hands to the neck of the offending garment and tears it straight down the middle with a grunt that makes Ed’s toes curl, baring Ed down to his navel and a little beyond. The cloth flops open on one side, ragged edge tickling over Ed’s nipple as it falls from his shoulder. Up until this point, the sackcloth onesie was the most sexless garment Ed had ever worn—comfortable, certainly, once the cloth had softened with wear, but also the absolute molecular opposite of a sexy outfit—but with one freakishly strong tear, Stede had catapulted the onesie right to the top of Ed’s list of Fuck Me Clothes.

Chest heaving, staring at Stede with wide eyes and open mouth and a cock that is fucking aching, Ed says, “There’s a fastening on the back.”

Stede drags his fingertips over Ed’s collarbone, catching the bell as he goes, and then pushes the other side of the onesie off his other shoulder. It pools on the desk in undulating folds around Ed’s wrists and hips, shifting against his skin like restless ocean waves. It’s nothing approaching a restraint, but the suggestion of it is there, and Ed shivers at the thought. He pointedly doesn’t remove his hands from the sleeves as Stede presses in for another deep kiss.

“I wanted to open it this way,” Stede says. “Captain’s prerogative.”

“Wee John won’t like that you ripped it.” God, why the fuck is Ed still talking? “Took him ages to make that.”

“He can make you another one.”

“What if he won’t?”

“He will if I tell him to,” Stede says, so brazenly sure in his belief that he can simply make a demand and people will scramble to act and right, yeah, that’s why Ed carried on talking. Still struggling with that, as fucking if. Captain Stede is something else entirely.

Ed shifts a little, spreads his legs wider, wiggles his shoulders and hips and sets the bell ringing again, the sound sweet in his ears as it heralds what comes next. Stede is looking at him, at the expanse of his bare chest and the scattering of body hair and the place where it all disappears. The sackcloth is teasing with its loose folds, brushing and tickling over his skin, barely covering the crease where his thighs meet his body. He’s not wearing anything underneath, never has done.

“Kiss me again,” Ed says, barely getting the words out before Stede is there, hot mouth and soft lips and the wet slide as their tongues meet and taste. Stede cups the back of Ed’s head, fingers threaded in the silver spill of his hair, and angles him to take the kiss deeper.

It’s like being fucked, Ed thinks, the way Stede is kissing him right now. Hungry, desperate for it, like being fucked by a captain who’s been chasing a prize for months on end and had all but given up hope of ever claiming it.

Ed rolls his body against Stede’s touch, pushes his chest up to brush Stede’s, hooks his ankles round the backs of Stede’s calves and reels him in. Jingling constantly from his panting breaths, Ed had called it a cat collar when he’d first been told to wear the bell, but maybe kitten would have been a more accurate term, because the noise that Ed makes from the back of his throat when Stede slides a hot, shaky hand up his thigh is tiny, vulnerable, new.

“Is this too fast?” Stede asks, out of breath, squeezing.

“Not fast enough, sailor.”

“Sailor? That’s Captain, to you.”

“Fuuucking hell,” Ed groans, arms all but giving out beneath him until he’s lying back on his elbows. “Captain. Captain.”

Stede runs his hands firmly up Ed’s thighs to his torso, dragging the cloth under his palms and making it pull taut against Ed’s body, at the bulge of his cock hard against his stomach. When Stede’s hands skim the naked curve of Ed’s waist, they each let out a matching strangled moan.

“It’s been,” Stede begins, and then swallows audibly, “hell. Waiting for this.”

“Only been a couple weeks. Not even that,” Ed whispers raggedly, even though he knows what Stede really means.

“It’s been my entire life, Ed.” He leans in for another kiss, slow and searching, the fire of moments ago briefly tempered to a smouldering coal. “And a couple of weeks.”

Stede presses his palm against Ed’s chest, and the bell jangles loudly when his back hits the desk. He brings his legs up to hook around Stede’s waist, loose sackcloth slipping against the sensitive skin on the inside of his knees, and it’s chased by Stede’s hand, sliding beneath the fabric and smoothing its way up to the join of his hip. Stede rubs his thumb over the jut of bone, squeezes into soft give of flesh next to it.

And they kiss.

Ed finally pulls his hands from the sleeves of his ruined onesie, and wraps his arms around Stede’s neck. He is so fucking ready for things to go fast now, but he still wants to linger in this moment, to etch into his memory the feeling of being pressed into a desk and thoroughly, deliciously, assertively kissed by the man he loves. Stede’s weight is grounding, the arch of his body protective and possessive. Ed wants it, and he has it, and he can keep it.

It’s eventually too much to simply stay as they are, kissing and grinding until they’re both half mad from it. Ed can feel Stede’s erection pressing against him, hard and hot beneath the linen of his new sailor trousers, trapped and straining, begging for release.

Ed breaks their kiss, presses his lips up against Stede’s ear, and with his voice husky from moaning says, “Fuck me, Stede. Captain. Stede. Fuck me.”

Stede shudders against him. “Yes, yes, Ed, I’m going to—I want to—” He tears himself away before he finishes his sentence, casting about the cabin wildly for some oil while he yanks his shirt over his head and drops it in a careless heap on the floor.

He’s back with Ed in moments, glass vial of oil clattering to the desk as he puts his hands to Ed’s hips and then looks at him, waiting. When Ed doesn’t move, Stede raises an eyebrow, hums thoughtfully for a moment, and then hooks a finger into the bell collar and gives it an insistent tug towards him.

Ed can’t tell if it’s the bell ringing or his ears. Probably both. He follows the pull of Stede’s finger and the cradle of the collar at his nape, drawing him up to sit. He slides off the edge of the desk to stand, and Stede’s hand at his hips is the only thing keeping the torn cloth from falling to the floor. None of it was tight to begin with, but the release is palpable as Stede slowly lets go of the cloth and Ed’s collar, takes hold of his hands, and brings them to the fastening of his own trousers.

The sackcloth hits the floorboards with a soft thump, and goosebumps ripple over Ed’s skin in a delicious shiver. He fumbles with Stede’s laces, tugs hard to get the knot undone, and doesn’t miss Stede’s soft whimper when he finally parts the fabric and grazes his fingers gently over the leaking, velvety head of Stede’s cock.

Stede cups Ed’s jaw in both his hands, kisses him slick and slow as he presses him back against the edge of the desk. Ed is about to shimmy back onto the desktop himself, but then Stede hands are back at his hips, sliding round to squeeze firmly at his arse, and Ed gasps and then fucking squeals in delight as Stede picks him up and deposits him on the desk.

“Promise me I’ve got more manhandling in my future,” Ed says breathlessly, pulling Stede with him by the neck as he lays back against the desk.

Stede already has the vial of oil in his hand, cork stopper wedged between his teeth. He pulls it out, spits the cork away, and says, “I promise. Now lie back and spread your legs, darling.”

For a self-confessed novice whose experience is entirely theoretical rather than practical, Stede fingers Ed like he’s been doing it for years. He’s overly generous with the oil, making Ed wet and slippery and hot all over, kissing and nibbling at the tender flesh around his entrance while he works his fingers inside. He drags his tongue over Ed’s balls and up to kiss the base of his cock, his mouth shiny and slick. He glances up, catches Ed’s eye, and smiles before wrapping his lips around the head of Ed’s cock and sucking, wet and soft. It feels so fucking good, the plush slide of Stede’s mouth against his over-hot skin, the way he moans when he tastes Ed leaking salty on his tongue.

“Fuck, fuck, Stede, you’re gonna make me fucking cum if you keep doing that,” Ed moans, muscles of his stomach flexing tight with every wet, sucking kiss Stede places against his cock, bell jangling dissonantly as he jolts with pleasure. “I’m serious, you’re too fucking hot, come up here.”

Stede pulls away from between Ed’s legs, stands and braces a hand by Ed’s head to lean over him again. “Okay, I’m here,” he smiles, pressing in for a teasing kiss, and Ed can taste himself in Stede’s mouth, oil and precum, skin and sweat. Stede nuzzles into his neck, places hot little kisses behind Ed’s ear and along his jaw. “Want my fingers back?”

“Yes, fuck, please.”

“Wish I could’ve done this properly,” Stede murmurs against the delicate skin of Ed’s neck, fingers slick and pushing three knuckles deep. “Make a whole day of it, take you to bed.”

“We can still do that. Wine me, dine me, sweep me off my feet. Mmf, fuck, we can do it every day.”

“Crew might get a bit miffed.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

Stede bites gently at Ed’s collarbone. “I’d rather fuck you.”

“Oh fuck, Stede, please, I’m ready for it, I’ve been ready this whole time—”

“I know, I know, so have I—” Stede grabs the oil and pours the remainder of it on his cock, hanging heavy between his legs and so far neglected. Ed’s too far gone to do anything about it now, but next time, next time he will. There’s going to be a next time.

Stede holds himself at the entrance to Ed’s body, pauses before pushing in. “I’m—before I—”

“Yeah?” Ed asks, up on one elbow, hand halfway to outstretched.

“I just want you to know. I—would’ve waited longer. If you wanted me to. I would’ve waited as long as you wanted.”

Ed softens, all the tight-coiled anticipation melting from his muscles. He runs his palm over Stede’s arm, over the freckles and the newly-formed sailor’s tan. “I know.”

“I love you.”

“I know.”

Stede smiles, soft and happy, and Ed knows that Stede trusts the reasons why he’s not saying it back yet. He sinks into Ed’s arms as he pushes inside his body, and Ed has been ready for this the whole fucking time, he’s just not been sure he wanted to act on it until now. He needed time to settle, space to unpick himself, quiet to sit in. He’s been given all of that.

Stede fucks him slow and sweet, grinding into him at an aching pace, the bell tinkling softly between them as he threads his fingers into Ed’s hair and kisses him like he’s licking honey from a jar. Ed melts against the desk, the polished wood warm against his back, toes curling and flexing with every long, luxuriant drag of Stede’s cock inside him.

It builds, the same unhurried pace that they’ve been taking with each other these past two weeks, heat simmering low in his belly and languidly unfurling into the rest of his body. It builds, Stede’s hand firm and slick around Ed’s cock and Ed feels himself begin to coil up tight, clench harder around the thick, hot shape of Stede’s cock. It builds, and he whines against Stede’s open mouth, and Stede responds with a choked-off, “I’m going to make you cum, darling, tell me how you want it.”

So Ed tells him, and Stede fucks him hard, leg thrown over his shoulder, skin slippery and sweat-hot, driving him relentlessly towards his finish line as the bell jangles wildly at his neck and the desk begins to creak.

Ed clings to Stede’s shoulders when he cums, his ragged, breathless moan swallowed by Stede’s lips, every single fucking drop wrung out of him as Stede fucks him and strokes him until he’s twitching from the overstimulation. Stede pulls out, pants into Ed’s mouth, gives his own leaking cock a few quick, sharp tugs and spills hot over Ed’s stomach, his hard cock grinding slick against Ed’s wet, softening one.

Stede collapses against Ed’s torso, laughs softly into his neck. Ed rubs his cheek against the top of Stede’s head, and he laughs too, a gentle peal like the ringing of his bell.

Afterwards, they wash up.

Stede takes Ed’s hand, which was perfect the first time and is still perfect now, and leads him to the bathroom. It’s too late and too much hassle to heat water and fill the bath, so they stand by the little basin with a pitcher and washcloths. The water is room-temperature, soft on his skin as Stede wipes him down, movements utilitarian and gentle.

“I like this,” Ed says simply, because he does, and because sometimes it’s okay to fill the silence.

“So do I,” Stede smiles.

And they kiss.

[strongermonster]

sweet fuck all to do at work right now and i refuse to allow my boss to know this bc then she'll make me be a ~team player (🤢🤮) and send me to another department to help out, and i ain't helping out slow-as-fucking-balls rebecca who makes watching snails move a motion-sickness event but they won't fire her because she's very off-putting in a creepy doll sort of way and everyone is worried if she gets shitcanned we'll see her on the news in a month having drugged her family to sleep and driven them into a lake and drown them all, so in between looking busy when we hear the jingly jangly jester sound of management keys, my department and i were playing a high-stakes game of seeing who can keep their phone at 69% for the longest without going above or below by all watching the same video and plugging/unplugging our phones to keep them Perfectly Balanced and the loser had to go out and offer help somewhere else and the winner got one of the others to go to the bathroom and call the store pretending to be their sibling and saying there was a family emergency and they needed to come right now so they could leave four hours early

[the-koiking-pond]

A package arrives. Its a deck of cards, the box saying "Karp lovers playing kards." All of the cards are Magikarp, Gyarados, and similar Pokemon. The joker card features a Gyarados with a jingly jangly jester hat.

A short note is also attached. It simply says "Happy Birthday!" and is signed.

@prof-lemon

[a picture of jainitar holding the deck of cards gently, visibly weeping]

they love it

thank you doctor professor lemon

you are so good at birthday gifts -senior admin nurbs