#so many shows are getting canceled a week after they wrap and just getting deleted

[cherrysnax]

when it comes to workers n creatives rights, specifically those in the industry I always feel so like conflicted abt shit like. pay ur workers or die, but why didn’t they cancel the flash…

ezra millers various crimes aside, they were workin on that shit since I was in high school and apparently it was booty ass?? worse than booty ass?? and the whole movie got leaked too.. Like when u have a situation like that what do you do

[nobodysdaydreams]

Meant to do this earlier but here’s a random ask from the random asks reblog last week! Do you have any favorite MBS characters to write for in your fics, or to theorize/talk about more generally?

Indeed I do! And thank you for the ask! 🥰

I'm inclined to say "all of them" and truthfully, it does rotate a lot depending on my mood, but I do have ones I write about and theorize about more than others (although the ones I choose to theorize about mostly has to do with the show giving them unknown or incomplete backstories or ones that differ significantly from the books).

So I'll talk about some of my favorites (sorry in advance this is gonna be long).

So, some of my favorites are Nicholas and Nathaniel, particularly the dynamics of their relationship (I know all my followers are probably shocked at to hear that one /j), but I thought what the show did with them, particularly Curtain's character was actually very smart. I had a post ranting about this in my drafts, and ended up deleting it, because I just never finished it or published it, but it was about how I respected a lot of the changes they made from the books to the show for several reasons, even though some people might not like them as much.

For example, one of the biggest reasons Curtain and the ten men were such great villains in the books is because of how scary they were, and how they were legit threats who electrocuted children and tortured people, and the way it was described made the threat feel very dark and real, especially when I read the books as a kid. Changing Curtain's character to someone who manipulates more psychologically and has some more redeemable qualities might feel like a downgrade to some who liked that book element, and I can understand that, but if the show had tried to follow the books in that regard, they probably would have had to downplay the violence and tone anyway, because it's a Disney family-marketed show. I'm not sure they could get away with portraying that much violence against children, especially in live action even if they wanted to, and they would have probably been asked to "tone it down", which could have just made the show seem like lame and childish version of the books. And I respect the writers saying "Okay, so we don't want the show to seem like a downgraded copy of the books, so how do we do something different that keeps the same emotional intensity and spirit of the books, in a way that many fans who read the books will not only accept, but find intriguing?".

Because when I was watching 1x03, and they dropped that Nicholas and Nathaniel had a history together, and that Curtain actually adopted SQ in this universe, and has a co-worker he talks to about his problems, works with, and has this bizarre forced friendship with, that's when I realized that I was really gonna like this show and like these characters. I mean, I already liked it, but this is what told me that the writers didn't simply make a show based on the books and disney-fied out all the troubling elements, but that they actually wanted to take the time to write something good, even if it was different, knowing the risk that some people might not accept or like the changes, which I really liked, but I acknowledge, just aren't for everyone. It was a risk that I think would have really paid off if the show wasn't cancelled, because it followed a similar story but still left me with questions. Even though I read the books, I didn't know where certain elements of the story were going, and I LOVED that mystery and suspense, and I was so excited for it.

I came up with my SOS theory after watching season 1 (I posted at bit about it before season 2 began), because I was trying to wrap my head about Garrison's backstory, SQ's birth parents' backstory, and Milligan's chemist backstory. And this is what my brain autogenerated. At first I was a worried Garrison was just a random employee used to show aspects of Curtain's character, and that they'd drop her completely and my theory would look really dumb for that reason, but then the show not only brought her back, but revealed that the inventions were hers in the first place, and solidified that she and Curtain for sure have backstory together that at some point involved Milligan and SQ's birth parents. Oh... my brain was hooked let me tell you. Absolutely wonderful.

And so I love writing about the Benedict brothers and Garrison, mostly because of these changes to the characters as well as the unknowns about their backstories. I do think Nathaniel's redemption in season 2 was partially due to the show knowing they were on the chopping block for cancellation and wanting to have a semi-conclusive ending while leaving the door for season 3 open by bringing Garrison and Martina back in a sequence that could have been added in last minute (their season 2 involvement was really just a detour getting to the compound), mentioning SQ, having Milligan remember the Trentonium and still not having his memories, and of course, the ending with the Benedict sister and Constance's parents. I'm sad season 3 didn't happen, but it's so much fun to speculate on where they could have gone with these characters and their backstories.

And now that I've taken a pointless detour on the show's structure, onto the characters I like writing about. Nicholas and Nathaniel are fun because of how much their trauma has changed their perceptions of reality, with Nicholas always blaming himself, and Nathaniel always blaming others (because the minute he feels any negative emotions towards himself, he passes out, and oh I love that they changed the narcolepsy trigger. It's slightly less medically accurate, but for the character, it fits extremely well, especially when you consider how it effects his relationship with SQ).

Speaking of SQ, I love that this version stands up to Curtain a bit more. It makes sense, because he's not an employee desperate for a father figure, Curtain is his father, so he'd be more informal with him and more likely to rebel. Also, Curtain didn't meet him as a middle schooler or even elementary school kid, he's cared for SQ since he was a helpless baby, and likely has more positive feelings towards him. As for SQ, his dad is the only family he has, and yet, the fact that they actually are family in this version and there is that small bit of genuine love there ironically gives SQ the freedom to rebel, and I love the scenes of him talking back to Curtain in the show, and how Curtain doesn't yell back like book Curtain would, but he just looks sad and desperate. Like once SQ sees through his BS, Curtain doesn't know what to do, and he doesn't want anyone he loves to leave again. I love thinking about and writing about their father son relationship and how toxic a parent Curtain is even though he loves his son and believes (through delusion) that what he's doing is actually "for the best" even if he knows it's wrong. And bringing the sister into this... oh the generational trauma and broken family themes just write themselves. I really did a lot of that with SQ's birth father's death in SOS, where Curtain sort of replaces Nicholas with him, and is getting better, but then feels abandoned again and has a complete backslide. Especially because Curtain doing all this just because Nicholas left is a tad dramatic and leaves a huge time gap. That's where Curtain is directing his anger now, but you get the sense that whatever happened over the past 30 years must have also been pretty bad, and a lot for him to end up with an island, advanced technology, a plot to take over the world, and a kid.

Then we have Garrison. Ms. Wasted Potential, Ms. Undefined Backstory. Depending on how far into SOS you are, you'll have different levels of realization of what I'm doing with her at this point, but the show gave me both a little and a lot to work with. On the one hand, we know she needs Curtain's money to get her tech built, and that she's desperate to do it despite ethical objections, but we don't know why. We know Curtain was comfortable enough mentioning Nicholas to her as opposed to his other employees and having dinner with her (I certainly didn't see him trying to dine with Jeffers or even any of the teachers or executives), but we don't know why. And we know she doesn't have any friends or family to turn to, but again, they never explain why. Or what her deal is. Or how she wanted to use her tech to help people, and why she'd be desperate enough to turn to Curtain for that. You can go so many different directions with her, but ultimately, I hope you all like the direction I chose to take, which, I would tell you more about, but again, I don't want to spoil anything. What I can tell you is that while I don't make her a "good guy", I do try to give more explanation as to why her character does the things she does, and I've had a couple people tell me that they like the character more now, because I've started to fill in those gaps, even if it's not how they personally would have filled them in. And that really means a lot, so thank you guys 🥰

And then we have the Benedict Sister. Oh the things I would type here if I didn't want to spoil my own fic. The most I've written about her so far is in "The Oldest Siblings" (my SOS prequel, hers is the last chapter, don't worry it's much shorter than SOS), and I loved writing that fic because of the way that each chapter shows the ways the Benedict siblings are so similar, even though they aren't ready for a relationship with each other yet. Slight spoilers, but they all hire private detectives to spy on each other, they make silent judgements on the things the others have done without even realizing it was them, they blame themselves for everything, they bribe people, they have narcoleptic attacks. Pure sibling energy and my goal in doing that was to make her feel like part of that family instead of an outside surprise unconnected villain. You can literally do whatever you want with this character: make her 100% evil, make her redeemable, make her just a lie that Curtain was telling, and it gives so much great room for creative freedom and I hope you guys like my ideas and where I decide to go with her.

Sorry this got so long, but I hope this answers your ask!

[sodasback]

Let Go

Reposting Let Go from my deleted accounts. Minor edits made.

JJ Maybank x Reader

Just SMUT. Real filthy smut.

Warnings: Very explicit sexual content. Cursing. All consensual. 18+

JJ got a gig cleaning pools on Figure 8 for the summer. And your family had a pool. Ergo, JJ was at your house every couple weeks cleaning your pool.

Of course, you knew JJ Maybank. He was the gorgeous bad boy Pogue every girl swooned over. And JJ Maybank knew you too. You were the Kook man-eater, currently on the arm of none other than Rafe Cameron. And sure you and Rafe had a good time together and you loved how possessive he was over you, but you both knew deep down your relationship was all about status. You were the ultimate young power couple of Figure 8.  

You and JJ, on the other hand, despised each other. …but like many have said, there’s a thin line between love and hate. And the truth was: you and JJ hated each other because you wanted what the other seemed to have.

You wanted to be free. Free of the obligation and the standards and the suffocating expectations. And JJ wanted to feel secure and cared for. Fuck, he just wanted to know where his next meal was coming from and what roof he was gonna sleep under without getting yelled at.

Right now, JJ was standing shirtless and sweaty with perfectly messy wet hair as he used the net to get crap out of the pool at your house while you were coming home from a day of waxing, tanning, manicures and pedicures.

You saw JJ and decided your day just hadn’t had enough excitement in it yet.

“Hey pool boy” You called to him with the perfect amount of flirtation and snobbery. JJ looked up at you. 

“You missed a spot.” You said, pointing to the leaves that were in the pool near you. He walked over to you with his usual cocky, Kook-hating attitude.

“Yeah, so did whoever sprayed that fake tan on you.” He retorted back, gesturing to a blotchy spot on your hip exposed by your cropped tank top.

You looked down at it, “Fuck!” you cursed, causing JJ to laugh as he scooped the leaves out of the pool.

“Shit, money can buy you everything, can’t it Y/L/N?” JJ asked casually, “Fake hair, fake tan, fake nails. Is anything about you real?” He asked looking down at your bare cleavage pushing up through your top.

“There’s only one way for you to find out.” Your was voice dripping in sex and JJ looked at you in shock, not expecting your answer as his lips parted slightly, exactly the reaction you wanted.

“...too bad I don’t date stoner surf bums though.” You shrugged.

And JJ regained the composure he lost for a second as he leaned the net against the wall and turned back to face you.

“Yeah, you prefer psychotic, spoiled coke addicts, right?” He narrowed his eyes down at you and you glared at him.

“He doesn’t do that shit anymore.” You stated definitively, referring to Rafe’s drug habit.

JJ snorted and nodded at you, “Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night princess. …But I did literally just see him doing lines and drinking cocktails when I was cleaning the Cameron’s pool today.”

You felt disappointed, hurt and angry at this news. Because 1. Rafe canceled plans with you today to do “something important” for his dad and 2. You also knew Rafe wouldn’t usually drink and get high by himself, so you were pretty sure JJ was leaving part of the story out. 3. Rafe promised he wasn’t using coke anymore.

“You know he’s an asshole, right?” JJ asked, wanting you to admit you were a better person than your reputation made you out to be.

You were quiet as you internally acknowledged that JJ was right.

Without an answer from you, he sighed, “But I guess… superficial Kook princess like you will tolerate just about anything to make mommy and daddy happy with that Cameron last name.” He shrugged.

You smirked at this, “You almost sound a little jealous, Maybank.”

JJ scoffed, but you continued taking a step towards him as he held his ground. “I mean, I may not be some desperate tourist or some grungy surfer chick, but I know you think I’m hot.”

JJ broke eye contact with you and shook his head, opening his mouth to object but you took another step towards him and you could hear his breathing falter slightly as he looked back at you. So now you were ready to lie and say the thing you needed to say to get what you and JJ both desperately desired.

“And I know you wanna fuck me.” You said dangerously, taking another step so you and JJ’s bodies were almost touching, running a finger down JJ’s bare abs, making him shiver before you looked up at him, “But you’re scared. You’re scared that you wouldn’t live up to Rafe Cameron because you’re just a dirty, little Pogue from The Cut and-”

“Shut the fuck up.” JJ commanded through gritted teeth as he grabbed your hips and pushed you roughly against the wall of the pool house. You gasped and your eyes widened.

You and JJ both knew you said what you said to get to this point: You looking up at JJ with a little fear in your eyes as your heart raced and your core clenched. And JJ looking down at you like a wolf trapping his prey as he pressed your body firmly into the wall behind you with a harsh grip on your hips. He stepped in closer to you, pressing his body into your’s to keep you in place as he lifted one hand to grip your chin and smush your cheeks a little bit.

“You run that little mouth of your’s so much and no one ever puts you in your fucking place.”

You let the shock of JJ actually making this move leave as quickly as it came and you pushed back against JJ’s chest with your hands and tried to push his arm away from your face, not wanting to give in so easily. But JJ wrestled with your squirming body and grabbed both your wrists and pinned them on either side of your head. You huffed in frustration.

This caused you both to smile at each other, knowing this is what you wanted. But just in case, JJ loosened his grip on your wrists ever so slightly and looked in your eyes seriously for a second, “Hey, you want this right? Say ‘red’ if you actually wanna stop, yeah?” He asked. You looked in his eyes and nodded.

“Like how far do you want me to take this?” He checked one more time.

“Anything JJ” You told him. And he still looked unsure. “I’ll say ‘red’ if I want you to stop, promise.” And he searched your face for a second, then nodded at you sweetly before he smirked going right back “into character.”

His grip on your wrists tightened as he moved them further above your head so he could hold both of them with one hand and move his other hand to squeeze your chin and cheeks again.

“I know you’ve wanted this for a long time. I see the way you look at me. You think I don’t, but I know you open your window whenever I’m here cleaning the pool, so you can catch a glimpse of me. Or even when you’re with your douche boyfriend and see me on the street. You think I don’t see the double take you do?” He said and you tried to turn your head away from him, but he firmly turned your chin so you’d look at him again. JJ moved his grip to your jaw so you could talk.

“If you noticed all that, that means you were looking at me too. At the beach, you stare at me in my bikini. And I saw you at Boneyard parties watching me dance with my friends.” You told him.

JJ just narrowed his eyes at you, knowing he had gotten caught too. You slipped one of your wrists free and grabbed JJ’s wrist to move his hand from your jaw. But he overpowered you and pinned your arm to your side.

“So if you’ve wanted this for such a long time, why are you still fighting it? Are you this much of a fucking brat for Cameron?” JJ asked, still looking in your eyes before he moved next to your head to whisper in your ear.

You closed your eyes feeling his hot breath hit your ear as he continued, “I think it’s because, unlike me, we both know, he doesn’t give a fuck if he makes you feel good.”

JJ pressed a small kiss just below your ear and then nibbling and sucking on your earlobe causing you to let out the smallest whimper you couldn’t hold back.

“You know I’m gonna make you feel better than he ever has, but you can’t admit that, even to yourself, so you’re gonna resist me as much as you can so you can feel like you aren’t betraying him and being a shitty girlfriend for letting a pogue, none the less, be the one to make you so wet.”

JJ continued, sucking on your neck just a little and speaking again, “And you get to run the show wherever you go and even if you won’t say it, you crave for someone to take control from you and put you in your place. For once, in your god-damned spoiled princess life, you want someone to not let you be in charge.” He finished as he pressed his body against your’s before checking your expression.

You chest was heaving up and down as you breathed heavily being way more turned on having JJ Maybank pin you against a wall than you cared to admit. You glared at him with a furrow in your brow. Then you surged forward. JJ released your wrists and you grabbed a fistful of his hair with one hand and gripped his shoulder with the other as your lips crashed on his. JJ’s hand immediately went to the back of your upper thigh as he hitched one of your legs onto his hip. His other hand was squeezing your torso; his thumb sneaking underneath your bra and skimming the underside of your boob in the most aggravatingly teasing way possible.

Your mouths were already open, tongues wrestling each other, teeth hitting in the process. You jumped up and wrapped your other leg around JJ’s waist as he squeezed your legging-covered thighs.

After the initial surge of adrenaline, you both slowed down a little. You tugged at the roots of JJ’s hair and he groaned a little before biting your bottom lip and pulling away from you slightly, giving your thighs a hard squeeze at the same time.

When JJ released your lower lip, you pulled away from him, “Pool house.” Was all you said before your lips started moving against each other again and JJ walked through the door of the pool house, into the guest bedroom.

He kicked the door shut behind him as he nudged your head to the side to start leaving hot, wet open-mouth kisses along your jaw and down your neck causing you to moan as he let your legs slide down his waist so you were standing again.

His hands gripped your hips as he kept working on your neck while he walked you backwards towards the bed. He gave you no space as you fell back onto the bed and he continued to crawl over you, now taking his time to suck your neck as he propped himself up with arm near your shoulder. The other hand massaging your hip.

“Maybank, no hickeys. …Rafe.” You said. And really you said it for both your sakes, knowing if Rafe found out who you cheated on him with, it wouldn’t be good for either of you, but worse for JJ for sure.

“I really don’t give a fuck.” JJ said as he continued leaving more hickeys along your neck just to spite Rafe even more.

“Take your top off.” JJ commanded.

You rolled your eyes and took your tank top off before JJ’s hand flew to your throat holding it with only slight pressure. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”  He said calmly and almost teasingly, which only made it that much more intimidating. He knew he was really pushing your limits of being told what to do.

So after the breath hitched in your throat, you just stared at him defiantly in a stand off. JJ raised his eyebrows expecting an answer from you, but you stayed silent, rubbing your lips together firmly, contemplating your next move so JJ snaked his fingers in your hair and slowly but firmly pulled, cranking your neck to the side and eliciting a sigh full of pleasure and pain to escape your now open mouth. “Fine.” You spat out.

JJ let out a dark chuckle. “You’re such a fucking brat. But you love this don’t you?” He asked before dipping a finger in your bra cup and pulling it down so your breasts were exposed to him.

He took a moment to admire them as he squeezed one before going down and swirling his tongue around your other nipple and biting at it lightly. He looked up at you, “You like to push back because you want me to show you how much stronger I am than you. You love being dominated, huh?”

You took a deep breath as JJ put his mouth on your boob and sucked a harsh hickey there, while his hand started playing with the waist line of your leggings teasing you. “You love feeling helpless underneath me?”

He snuck his fingers underneath your leggings and your lace thong but didn’t move further yet, “Answer me.”

And with the anticipation of JJ finally touching you where you need him, the answer easily fell from your lips “Yes” you breathed out.

“Good girl” JJ praised as he ran his fingers through your folds. You let out a pained breath at finally being touched but JJ also saw the way your mouth twitched like you were going to object and then stopped.

JJ chuckled. “You don’t usually like being called a good girl. But you wanna be my good girl, don’t you?” He asked gently stroking your clit, causing you to close your eyes and open your mouth.

Then, JJ abruptly plunged a finger into you, “Don’t you?” He asked more sternly this time.

“Fuck! Yes.” You answered.

“That’s what I thought. Let’s see how much of a good girl you can be. Take off your leggings and your bra and get on your knees.” JJ said as he quickly pulled his fingers from you. And stood up from the bed.

You sat up on the bed and gaped at him as he smiled at you evilly. He knew he was really pushing your limits, but he also knew it was only turning both of you on even more.

“Seriously JJ?!” You asked getting mad about all the teasing.

When you didn’t immediately get up and follow JJ’s orders, he came over and put his hand under your chin as he pulled your lower lip down with his thumb, “Don’t make me tell you twice, sweetheart.” You narrowed your eyes at him, but grabbed his wrist as his thumb released your lip, to pull yourself up from the bed.

JJ took a step back as you stripped down to just your thong. You smiled, catching him indulging himself drinking in your naked body.

“Knees” he reminded you. And before you could even do it, JJ said, “Don’t even think about rolling your eyes.” You gathered all your strength to not be bratty back with a deep breath as you got on your knees in front of JJ.

As much as you had a love-hate relationship with the way JJ was teasing you, being in this position, on your knees in front of him, only made your panties that much more drenched. Your hands wasted no time going to his swim trunks and pulling them down releasing his cock as it slapped up against his stomach. Your mouth was practically watering.

JJ ran a hand through your hair, “Is my good girl desperate to have me in her mouth?”

“Are you gonna keep making me answer questions this whole time or are you gonna let me suck your dick?” You asked bluntly.

JJ smiled, but harshly pulled your hair eliciting a whiny “ow” from you.

“For once, you need to work for everything you get and you need to be the one not in charge Y/N. And then I’ll make you feel better than any guy ever has. But you have to be good.”

“What if I’m not?” you asked innocently, tilting your head to the side.

JJ smiled, “Then there’s just gonna be more pain with your pleasure.” He said simply and then added, “But I’m learning you’d probably like that too. You’re dirtier than I thought. You like being a little slut, huh?”

You contemplated. Wondering if you should give in to JJ or keep resisting.

You looked up at him and nodded, “Mhmm”

He smiled down at you knowing he had won a little. He pumped his cock a few times. “You want my cock in your mouth?”

“Yes, JJ” you breathed out.

“Tell me how much you want it. Work for it.”

You gathered more strength and finally decided to fully submit to JJ’s whole power dynamic.

“JJ please, I want your cock down my throat.” You said, placing your hand below his, around his cock.

“Put your mouth on it baby.” He encouraged. And you licked your lips before running your tongue along the underside of it. JJ took a sharp inhale and gathered your hair in a ponytail as you wrapped your lips around him and swirled your tongue around the head. You took more of him in your mouth sucking as your hand pumped the rest.

“Fuck Y/N.” JJ groaned and threw his head back. Your head bobbed up and down on his length as saliva started to drip down your chin just a little. Each time you went down, you took a tiny bit more of him into your mouth. One hand now running your nails along his thigh.

Finally, you took all of JJ in your mouth and his cock hit the back of your throat causing you to gag. “Fuck” JJ cursed again. He let you be in control for a few moments longer before he couldn’t help but thrust into your mouth.

“Ahh you’re such a good little slut for me Y/N. You take my cock so well.” He told you as he hit the back of throat repeatedly. “Touch yourself baby. Is choking on my cock making you wet?”

You slid your fingers through your painfully throbbing cunt and opened your eyes to look up at JJ and nodded. JJ pulled out of your mouth completely letting you breathe. “You want more baby?” He asked and you nodded your head eagerly.

“I want you to cum down my throat, J” you said. JJ bit his lip and looked at you painfully, having so many places in mind where he wanted to cum. “Fuck” He cursed again as you took him back in your mouth.

“Put your hands behind your back, pretty girl.” He said and you immediately obeyed as he fucked your face. A few more thrusts and JJ was cumming down your throat and you continued bobbing your head up and down on his cock working him through it while you swallowed. JJ pulled his cock from your mouth with a string of saliva connecting the two as you caught your breath. JJ’s body was flooded with a rush of oxytocin motivating him to lift you from the ground and onto the bed.

“Fuck, so good for me baby.” He said, wiping the saliva and cum from the corner of your mouth his thumb and then peppering kisses along your jaw and neck.

You ran your hand through his hair and pulled him away from you for a second so you could kiss his mouth. JJ and you kissed sensually as he held some of his body weight off you and then he started kissing his way down to your stomach.

He left one more gentle kiss just above the waistline of your thong before he put his arms under each of your thighs and pulled you to the edge of the bed while he got on his knees on the ground. He sucked red marks that would surely be turning purple on your inner thighs as he ran his finger underneath the side of your thong multiple times.

“JJ stop teasing and do something already.” You whined.

JJ chuckled, “Someone’s desperate” he teased as he pulled your panties down your legs. 

“Spread your legs for me” He commanded as he wrapped an arm around each of your thighs again and took a long look at your dripping cunt like he was looking at a piece of cake. “Ahh your pretty little pussy is so wet, Y/N. Who are you this wet for?”

“You, JJ.” You sighed out feeling his warm breath hit your core and dying for some physical contact.

“That’s right baby” He praised smugly before giving your clit a gentle kiss and then kitten licks that quickly turned to sucking on your clit.

You immediately threw your head back and closed your eyes at the pleasure. JJ was truly an expert at eating pussy. After giving your clit attention he moved down and fucked your cunt with his tongue causing your legs to clench around him and your hips to move. JJ untangled his arm from under your thigh, and grabbed one of your hands as he laid his forearm across your lower stomach to keep you still. You moved your other hand into his hair, tugging at it and making him moan into you. He then sunk 2 fingers into you and pumped in and out; curling them in just the right way while sucking on your clit again.

You moaned loudly as your legs began to quiver. “Fuck JJ!”

“You’re close pretty girl. Let go. Cum for me.” He told you and you let the rubber band snap and the waves of your orgasm rush over you. You tried to close your legs but JJ kept them open working you through it and lapping up every drop of your cum he could before you pushed his head away gently. JJ stood up and pulled you up to a sitting position on the side of the bed after you caught your breath.

JJ held his fingers dripping in your cum in front of your mouth. You obediently opened your mouth and sucked on his fingers, tongue swirling around them. “Such a good little whore for me.” You leaned forward, loving the way JJ talked to you and he noticed.

He pulled his fingers from you mouth and held your chin tilted up at him. “God, you’re so much kinkier than I thought. You like being called names, huh?”

You nodded and then looked away and blushed. “I like when you call me names. I don’t know why- I-”

“No. Don’t be embarrassed. It’s fucking hot. I love that you wanna be called my little cockslut. That for once you don’t need to be this perfect Kook. You can be a dirty little slut for me.” He said pecking your cheek and rubbing his thumb across your chin. 

Then, he paused for a second like he was hesitant about something but then he said, “Open your mouth for me and stick out your tongue.” He commanded as he pulled down your chin with his thumb.

You did as you were told and stuck out your tongue. JJ bent down a little and spit in your mouth. “Fucking swallow.” He ordered lowly. And you swallowed it greedily, feeling your pussy throbbing again. JJ noticed your legs rubbing together and he grew hard again at the sight of you being turned on from him spitting in your mouth.

“Fuck” JJ cursed to himself for the umpteenth time. Then, he was caught off guard as you pulled him onto the bed and crawled on top of him.

“JJ, I need you inside me.” You told him as you straddled him and pinned his wrists to the bed.

JJ looked at you amused, “Oh you think you’re gonna be on top for this?” JJ asked incredulously. 

You smiled at him. “Yup” you said, as you released one of his wrists so you could line him up with your entrance. But before you could, JJ easily flipped the two of you over and pinned your arms down.

“JJ!” You protested in frustration and tried to sit up or flip over again, but JJ just kissed you hard into the mattress. Then he sunk into you, pulling away from the kiss at the same time to hear your moan as you felt him fill you up.

“Shit y/n/n.” JJ hissed, “You’re so tight, baby.” He laced his fingers through your’s, “Ready?” He asked. You nodded your head. And JJ started to rock his hips slowly into you.

“Faster, J” You told him and he just smirked at you causing you to furrow your brow in confusion.

“Beg for it.” He stated.

“JJ” You warned sternly and you wrapped your legs around his waist to try and get leverage to flip you both over so you could control the pace but it was no use.

“Nice try. ..Tell me I’m better than Rafe and I’ll give you what you want.” He said smugly. You immediately rolled your eyes and JJ stopped completely.

“Wrong move princess. Get on your elbows and knees, ass up.” he commanded darkly as he pulled out of you. You whined at the empty feeling. “I’m not telling you again.” JJ said.

“Relax” You grumbled as you got on your elbows and knees and JJ immediately landed a hard slap to your ass.

“Ow! Fuck J!” You yelled at him. JJ spotted a scarf hanging off the headboard and grabbed it.

“Sit up on your knees. Give me your hands” He said tying your hands together with the scarf.

“Really JJ?” You asked.

“You know, I wonder how hard I need to go to fuck that attitude out of you” JJ wondered out loud as he turned to grab something else.

“Maybe if you actually fucked me hard, you could find ou-” You couldn’t finish what you were saying because JJ had stuffed your drenched lace thong in your mouth making you even more turned on and frustrated at the same time. 

JJ pushed you down onto you elbows and then propped your ass up further in the air. “There” he said satisfied landing another slap to your other ass cheek causing a muffled squeak to come from you.

“You’ve been such a bratty little slut for me. I don’t think you deserve to get fucked. But I can’t resist your tight little cunt.” JJ said sinking into you from behind. “Fuck Y/N” he groaned stretching you out again and then slamming into you hard. He continued thrusting into you and then felt your walls clench a little. “Don’t you dare cum, pretty girl.”

“Please JJ” You whined around your thong. JJ reached around and pulled your panties from you mouth. “What was that sweetheart?”

“Please JJ.”

“Please what?”

“Please let me cum. I’ll do anything.” You begged as he continued thrusting into you.

“Tell me I’m better than Rafe.” He spat out.

“Yes, JJ you’re better than Rafe. Fuck!”

“Are you mine or his?” He asked.

“I’m your’s JJ. I’m a filthy little slut for you. Please!” You whimpered.

“Cum all over my cock, baby.” He told you. Your orgasm hit you hard and JJ fucked you through it and then he kept going and reached a hand around to play with your clit. You whimpered from the overstimulation.

“Fuck J, stop, too much.” You whined. And tried to move his hand away. He used his other hand to pull you up by your hair so your back was flush against his chest. “Fucking take it.” He said through gritted teeth as a second orgasm built. “Cum with me one more time. Be my filthy little cockslut baby.”

You moaned loudly as JJ bit into your shoulder and you both reached your climax again. JJ thrusted slowly as you came down from your highs. He slowly pulled out of you and gently laid you both down. He pulled the comforter over you both as you turned to face him and nuzzled into his neck. He wrapped his arms around you as you both laid together naked and completely blissed out.

“You okay? Was that okay? Did we go too far?” JJ asked with his chin on the top of your head. You leaned back a little so he could see your face.

“That was fucking hot Maybank.”  You said and pecked his lips before snuggling back into him. He let out a relieved chuckle and pecked the top of your head.

As you laid there in JJ’s arms, you felt …free. You reached a hand around to comb through JJ’s hair at the back of his head as you rubbed your thumb back and forth his skin where your hand was on his back. And JJ felt …secure and taken care of.

It turned out that you could give each other what the other one so desperately needed.

[hcneymilkks]

Month

A fake dating au but make it marriage. Two best friends scroll on social media and notice a trend where newlyweds send invites to famous celebrities to see what will happen? An appearance? A gift? Who knows. For the two best friends, as a joke, set up a fake wedding and request the most expensive gifts with the option of money. Sending invites to celebrities ranging from Kim Kardashian to even the Queen, they are surprised and shocked to realize that not only were gifts being delivered nearing the “big day” but a request to be part of the celebration causes the two friends to create a fake marriage in the smallest amount of time they have. 

University AU! Aged-up Haikyuu Characters!

Fashion Designer/Psychologist Oikawa

Humanities Y/N

Rain splattered on the window, causing little droplets here and there to roll down with no hesitation. The quiet hums of lo-fi music made its way around the little bedroom, with vigorous typing accompanying it. 

Backspace.

Enter. 

Click and delete. 

Brain throbbing, a sigh escaping from the lips.

It was no use, the longer the computer was stared at, the more your brain felt like mush.

“Damn him and using me to do his research analysis.”

Speak of the devil.

“Y/n!”

You stood up, turning around and crossing your arms with a glare. There he stood, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe with a sly smirk on his face.

Tooru Oikawa.

“How’s the report going? I hope to see it done by tomorrow?”

“Fuck you,” you strided over and pushed his arms, causing him to slightly lose balance. “Just tell me how you managed not getting kicked out yet. I swear you casted a spell on your professors or something. It's like you don’t do anything.”

He feigned hurt. “I do!” He whined. “Just not class related.” He pushed past you and flung yourself onto the bed, burying his face into your freshly washed sheets. “I’m designing a new clothing line inspired by the different volleyball team colours.”

“Is this your way at relieving the pain from not making it to nationals?” you snickered, remembering how pissed off he was after Ushijima told him he should have gone to Shiratorizawa.

“I-you little shit. This is why I never tell you things.”

“Shut up shittykawa you literally are making me do your research proposal. I know nothing about psychology!”

“I’m helping you learn a new subject! It’s time to look into your own brain and see what’s wrong with you!”

…

Three.

Two.

One.

“OIKAWA YOU LITTLE SHIT!” you flung yourself on top of him, garnering an oomph! sound. You smacked his back repeatedly. 

He let it have your way, already coming up with a counterattack. 

With stinging hands and shallow breaths after saying nothing but curses, you stopped and climbed off of him. Immediately, he’s on top of you. Pinning your wrists and getting dangerously closer to your neck. You couldn’t lie, he was attractive, but knowing him and his two-faced personality, you’d rather stay friends. 

But did you really want to?

A part of him knew you wanted him, but was that a risk you were willing to take?

Deep breaths. 

A low chuckle. “You love me y/n. I know you do, and I also know you’d do anything for me.” He smirked and pressed a kiss oh so close to your lips, getting up and dusting off his black shirt.

“I’m leaving! Remember, the paper has to be done by tomorrow!”

The door closed and for a moment you looked at your ceiling.

Eyes wide. 

Taking a pillow, you screamed into it.

“SHITTYKAWA!”

“Here you hoe, now for once in your life do your own work.”

You stomped into one of the many University studios, aiming the folder at Oikawa’s head much to his dismay.

“Thank you love you!”

You glared at him and waved a hand. “You definitely owe me like five bowls of ramen after what you put me through. I can’t believe you made me read so much on children’s brains and development.”

“I mean they said to choose something I liked, so children and volleyball worked together. Plus, if I actually had to conduct the research, my nephew’s volleyball club would have been perfect.” He finally turned around after pinning the teal fabric to the mannequin, striding towards you and ruffling your hair.

You mumbled incoherent curses as Oikawa picked up his sketchbook, writing down a quick note before closing it.

“Let’s go, I’m starving.”

The fragrant air of spices and creamy broth filled the little shop, making you drool. Grateful that Oikawa was rich, you took the opportunity to order almost everything on the menu.

“Y/n isn’t that-” you growled at him and he smirked.

“Feisty, you know I love that.” he winked and you gagged.

While waiting for the food, both of you were scrolling on Instagram. Having most of the same friends, it was no surprise that your timelines almost looked identical. Rolling his eyes, Oikawa saw a group photo of most of the volleyball players Hinata was pictured with, wanting nothing more than to squish the little one. 

But then something caught your eyes. 

You looked up at Oikawa who seemingly had the same expression, eyes wide, yet confused.

The dead groupchat came back to life with a link sent by Matsukawa, something about a bet.

matthewkawa 

Look at this lol

Sent a link

[Youtube storytime: The Time I Invited Drake to My Wedding (Spoiler Alert: He Came!)]

hannamaki

Wait why would someone invite a celebrity? Aren’t they hard to ask?

nishinoyya

Wait that’s cool! Asahi-san can we invite Jason Derulo to our wedding?

acai

Wait...what? What wedding?

y/n

Waittt i’ve seen that video

Apparently as a joke the person sent lots of invites to different celebrities. Most of them gave gifts or money but I guess Drake went

iwachew

LOOL IMAGINE Y/N AND CRAPPYKAWA DOING THAT

yoyoinata

I can see that woah!

milkyama

Psh! Flattykawa and y/n. I can’t see it. y/n deserves better lol

fabkawa

OI TAKE THAT BACK STUPID

y/n

Oi don’t talk back to my child like that shittykawa

fabkawa

Shut up y/n and eat your ramen

You glared at him before saying thank you to the waiter. Both minds now occupied with the creamy ramen and soft boiled egg. 

Flipping a page, you smiled. There it was, the fake couple who both fell for each other, breaking so many rules. But who couldn’t resist?

Oikawa scrolled on the computer, typing and clicking. He swiveled around in his seat and went over to you, peering over your shoulder.

You smacked his arm. “Personal space excuse me!” He put his arm up in defence, smirking.

“Remember the post Matsukawa sent?

“Yeah. So what?”

“I made the wedding on May 14th and invited some celebrities. Who did you want to send an invite to?”

You dropped the book. “Say what?”

Oikawa dragged you from his bed and sat you down on his uncomfy chair. Indeed, the computer screen showed a cheesy website where people rsvp to weddings. Already half of the groupchat accepted and you know this had to be a joke.

“Oikawa are you dumb? Who are you marrying? Wait no, who would want to marry you?” you looked at him and he pouted.

“Iwa-chan said no, Mad Dog scares me, Ushijima is definitely a no, so you’re left.”

“Who said I would do it?”

“I invited Stray Kids.”

Are you kidding me?

“This isn’t real, we’re not gonna really get married right? I mean if we were technically speaking, the wedding is less than a month away and we don’t have money, a reception place or any other sappy wedding shit.” You looked at the list and sure enough, Stray Kids was there.

“No y/n nothing is going to happen trust me. Plus, who doesn’t like free gifts? I tried to ask for expensive gifts and money because someone’s wardrobe and apartment looks ugly as hell.”

“You better not be talking about me bitch. I’m gonna set that sketchbook on fire.”

Oikawa chuckled. “Add some more people on the list, I wanna see how far this can get.”

“I never said I agreed to it,” you mumbled but nonetheless added in a few of your favourite celebrities, including the queen. 

After all, if this worked, free money. What’s the harm in that?”

A lot went wrong after that.

It was three am a week after the planning and your phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Grumbling, you answered the call without looking at the number…..which was a stupid mistake.

“Y/N! HOW DO I CANCEL THE WEDDING?!”

“Relax Papi you said nothing would happen? Free money right?” you yawned not even realizing what you said.

Oikawa sputtered on the other line, shaking his head and ignoring how you called him Papi for some reason. “Yeah but uh...we have a little problem.” 

“Hm…”

“Jason Derulo accepted the invite ...and he can’t wait to see the ceremony.”

From that moment, you were fully awake. “WHAT?!!”

“What do you mean you can’t cancel the wedding?” you rubbed at your temples, losing more brain cells by the minute.

"Okay so apparently my last name is common around celebrities, seeing as my father owns different restaurants. So it’s not a surprise to them that they wouldn’t attend the wedding.’

“Fuck.” you breathed out. How did the both of you not realize this?

“Okay so um..what now?”

Oikawa ruffled his air. “We go through with it.”

"Fuck no.” 

“What why?”

You’re the one who thought of this crazy idea! It’s all your fault!” 

“But you’re the one who put Jason Derulo in there!”’

You smacked your forehead. “It was a joke and for free money! Look what you got us into.”

Yells back and forth, each blaming the other. It was like the night wasn’t going to end soon. Tired from the arguing, you smacked Oikawa’s chest. “Stupid,” you mumbled. “I don’t want to do this!”

Oikawa scratched the back of his neck. “But what if I want to?” You looked up at him confused. “You know, like how Hinata and Tobio fake dated but then became boyfriends.”

“Oikawa, that’s different. That’s dating, this is marriage. It’s adult stuff, I can barely cook!”

“I’ll cook for you.”

You walked away from him, going towards his balcony. The view was beautiful, seeing various stars and the lights shining from Tokyo. “This is too much for me to handle. You're a pain, you know that?”

He wrapped his arms around you and instinctively you snuggled closer to his chest, facing the view so he wouldn’t see your red cheeks.

"Remember when we were children? And we had a whole promise that we would be with each other forever?” you laughed. The classic child marriage pact. It was as if almost all friendships started with that promise. A promise to love and stay with each other no matter what.

“That’s child play.”

He started to rub circles with his thumbs on your arms, you feeling relaxed. “One month. Give me one month after the wedding. We’ll go on a honeymoon to London, I'll teach you how to cook, you can live with me, we can adopt a puppy.” Oikawa gulped and looked at you. “And if you don’t like it, we can pretend none of this happened. In fact i’ll stop bothering you with my assignments and my presence.”

One month. That sounded like a challenge. A challenge that Oikawa was willing to risk everything for. A month to make you fall for him.

“...so we’re splitting the gifts and money equally then, right?”

A/N: I’m back! This has been in my drafts for months. At first it was supposed to be Yuto from Pentagon but after getting into Haikyuu I was like fuck it and changed it to Oikawa. Also because yes LMAO. I hope you all liked it and let me know your comments! Part two will be in the works if people want it, for now its a oneshot aha. 

Much love!

tags: @babyworld , @bakuhoes-dumbass

[eclecticstarlightconnoisseur]

VISIONS IN THE SNOW

Good Evening All! I have a new one-shot that was inspired by the horrific weather that recently swept across the U.S. It caused so much grief, suffering to so many people. I hope this would bring a smile to some faces. This was written with one particular person in mind (and you know who you are) and I’m glad you like it.

Thanks as always to @scubalass for the read through. Your suggestions were, as always, spot on. It made the final story so much better.

Status of Edinburgh to Boston: There is progress but it is painfully slow. There are two characters that are essential to this chapter whose voice I do not hear as well as I do Jamie and Claire. I write something, then I delete it and I do the same thing over and over. We will come to an understanding at some point so dinna fash. There will be A/N at the end to explain words or terms.

Without further delay I give you Visions in the Snow.

Here goes nothing:

VISIONS IN THE SNOW

February 1968  - Boston

The responsibility for hosting this week’s poker game fell to Joe Abernathy.  He took his duties in this regard very seriously. It was the way the surgeons decompressed after a week of stressful surgical procedures and this week was no exception. 

“It must have been a full moon,” he thought. Motor vehicle accidents, stabbings, gunshot wounds, volvulus, a ruptured esophagus, the works. It was during these times that he dearly missed his friend. Claire. He cast his glance over to the card table set with one extra place, Claire’s place. On the seat was her green visor that she wore when she played poker with the boys. It sat in repose like a memorial to a fallen comrade.

Silly thing! She believed wearing it masked her glass face.  Nothing could be further from the truth, but none of her colleagues had the heart to tell her. They all knew what Claire Randall was thinking. So much so, they often let her win which caused her to think she was good at playing poker.

He glanced around the room and saw that everything was in readiness for the evening. The sideboard groaned beneath the bounty of food, snacks, and brews.  

Outside, the wind blew fiercely rattling the windows drawing his attention. Joe looked out the window watching the two front trees bowing to the brute force of nature. Their skeletal fingers scraped at the roof almost as if trying to gain entry. It had been snowing for the last six hours with no sign of it letting up. He had considered canceling the game but a majority of his colleagues soundly vetoed that idea. Only Callahan and Peterson dissented. Callahan’s wife would kill him if he left her alone to deal with their six small ones while he went to play poker. Peterson lived thirty miles away. The remaining players all lived a short walking distance from his home, on Doctors Row. It was so-called because many of the physicians who worked at the hospital lived on the same street.  These surgeons were gambling men betting they had enough time for some comradery, hands, and beers before the brunt of the storm arrived.   

For a Boston snowstorm, it hadn’t accumulated very much. Yet. Regardless, it would not hamper these hardened surgeons accustomed to driving through Boston’s worst to get to the hospital. Without warning, the storm picked up intensity driving the snow hard enough to erase the landscape before him. Amid the squall, a hazy light glowed like the high beams of headlights in the snow. A wraithlike figure emerged from its center. Joe wasn’t able to make out any of its features. Man? Woman? He wasn’t sure. But one thing was for sure, it was headed directly toward his house. 

Joe leaned closer trying to see if the person was in distress as they were caught out in the snow. Maybe they had abandoned their car and were seeking help.  His warm breath met the cold pane fogging it, wholly obscuring his view.  Using his shirt sleeve, he wiped away the condensation hoping to improve his ability to see. As the person drew closer, it became apparent that it was a young woman and her attire was totally inappropriate for the weather. She wore a long dress whose hem floated across the snow. It looked like a green and black plaid and a white scarf crossed her neck to cover her bosom. Her hair was dark, curly, piled high on her head, and tendrils framing her face. She looked a lot like… It couldn’t be, could it? She came closer. So close that he could see her eyes. Eyes the color of a fine whisky. Claire? Claire! How? She had left for Scotland, disappearing into the past, to find her true love.

Anxiety flowed through him. He needed to speak with the woman. He needed to know if it truly was Claire. Joe tried to open the window, but it wouldn’t budge. The frame had swollen from the moisture, he thought. He rapped on the window calling her name, but she paid no heed.

Claire was running and laughing bright and merry. Stopping suddenly, she turned and extended a hand into the haze. A man appeared laughing and chased after her. He was a big son of a bitch standing at least six feet four inches and as big as a brick…Well, he was big. He had a mop of red hair, but to simply say red would deny the richness of the color. It was a curly thick mosaic of cinnamon, auburn, gold, and cinnabar.  And his eyes were the deepest blue Joe had ever seen. The man was kitted out in traditional highland garb right down to the sword strapped to his side. Reaching her, the young man made a courtly bow. He straightened, then took her hand to bestow a kiss. A moment later, he lifted and spun her around. She tossed her head back and peals of joyous laughter rang through the air. He set her down gently settling his hands on the swell of her hips. His eyes danced with love as he lowered his head to kiss her most thoroughly. Joe felt his cheeks burn as he watched such intimacy. 

Time advanced in front of him. He became witness to a lifetime, to a marriage, to the bonds of love that could not be broken. The vision changed from the blush of first love through to a life fully lived.  He wept at their trials, tribulations, and heartbreak. And he reveled in their accomplishments, triumphs, and joys. But through all their hardships, and there were many, their love for each other never wavered, never changed. 

The final event showed the couple had aged. The woman, Claire, had streaks of grey in her hair while the man’s hair had lightened. They stood atop a ridge overlooking some land. The man had his arm securely around her waist pulling her protectively close to him. Claire stood on her tiptoes wrapping her arms around his neck and pulled him down for a fiery kiss. She nodded her head and started to pull him toward a cabin. He scooped her up and carried her across the threshold kicking the door shut. 

As the vision faded back into the vapor as a voice called out, “I am happy Joe. I found my Jamie.”

Resting his head against the cold pane of glass provided a sense of comfort to his unsettled mind and spirit. Uncertainty gripped him as he grappled to understand what happened. Had this been a dream? Or a hallucination? Or had the fabric of time somehow been rent apart? He shook himself, much like a dog dispelling the rain from its coat, hoping to lift his state of bewilderment. 

Psssst, pssst, ssssssss! The homely sound of the radiator hissing brought him back to himself and away from his ruminations.

Mercilessly, the wind blew about the house ferociously shaking the windowpanes in their frames then suddenly died away. Out of curiosity, Joe tried to open the window. This time it slid open with ease. The blinding snow stopped returning to light flurries. As he turned to walk away from the window, he noticed the clock on the mantel. It was one minute later than when he last looked at it. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ,” he muttered.

Joe walked over to Claire’s chair and picked up the visor cradling it to his chest,  “Wherever you are Claire, I’m glad you’re happy and you found your Jamie. Jamie, if you can hear me, take good care of our girl.”

With that, the doorbell rang and Joe went to greet his guests.

                                                        *************

Claire woke with a start bringing Jamie to instant alertness. He grabbed the pistol he kept by his bedside in preparation for any threat. Seeing none, he turned to look at Claire. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

“Sassenach, what’s amiss? Are ye alright?”

“I dreamt...I dreamt I was back in Boston going to play poker with the other surgeons. It was our regular night to play. The game was at Joe’s house and there was this blizzard.”

“Poker? What kind of game do ye play with a poker?” he was afraid to ask. Claire had told him so many peculiar stories about her time that he thought this would be another one. The only poker he knew about was the kind used in a fireplace.

“It’s a card game. I was rather good at it too. Someday I’ll have to teach you.” Claire snuggled up against Jamie seeking his heat, his comfort. She yawned greatly, “Except I will miss my green visor.”

 “A vi-zor?” All he could envision was a knight’s helmet with a visor covering the eyes and face.

“It’s a sort of hat with a green brim. It shades your eyes and some of your face. People use it to hide their facial expressions when they bluff at cards.”

Jamie looked at her as if she were a bit daft. He knew nothing could hide her thoughts on that glass face. He tucked her head under his chin, “Come, Sassenach, rest yer head, aye? I think ye had a bit of the nightmare. I’ll keep ye warm and safe.” He lowered his head placing a kiss on the top of her head.

Jamie closed his eyes and thought about the black man he had seen in his dreams too. “Aye, dinna fash, Joe. I’ll care for her with my life,” he whispered just before lapsing into sleep.

A/N:

VOLVULUS: A volvulus occurs when part of the colon or intestine twists. The twisting causes bowel obstructions that may cut off the blood supply to areas of the bowels. This can cause the bowel to die or left untreated the person can die.

RENT: This involves a story. When I was in catechism class the teacher was telling the story of Christ’s trial before the Pharisees. When Jesus was condemned one of the Pharisees was said to have rent his garment. You say that to a bunch of kids and they start to giggle. They wanted to know who he rented his clothes to and for how much. So the teacher explained that to rent something meant to tear it apart violently. I fell in love with the word’s usage and I never thought I would get to use it in this way. But I did!

And poor Jamie, Claire’s stories always leave his surprised, confused, shocked among other feelings.

The truth behind this story was that it was supposed to be smutty. Instead, it evolved into this. It was supposed to happen that the Ridge was also snowed-in. Claire was bored with playing chess with Jamie and wanted to play something else. She wanted to teach him strip poker. So I left myself an opening if I chose to do a second chapter. But I have to finish E2B first.

I hope you liked this and it brought a smile to your face.

You can find me on AO3. There I am LadyJane518.

Thanks for reading!

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

PROMPT

20. “Why are you crying?”

Johnny “Coco” Cruz x Reader

Anon asked: again my love ❤️ the first one 20.why are you crying, Angst with coco 💚☺️

Word Count: 3.5k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Warnings: this shit was painful fo' me. Feeling angst.

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits to: @angels-reyes

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​ @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“Yea', she's really a nice gurl'”. Coco shrugs his shoulders, sitting in his chair in front of the bonfire, with his brothers surrounding it too. “I just met her at the market and we just were talkin'... And, man... she's da' one, I felt it, I feel it”.

It sounds like a knife ripping off your chest, opening you up, while you have to show him your fakest smile. Yes, you're happy that he finally found someone who can love him unconditionally. As you do. But without being you. Creeper and Angel have his gaze on you, sitting by Tranq' side. Your father has an arm over your shoulder, narrowing you without drawing too much attention. They know what's in your mind. They know what's inside your heart.

Coco and you have been friends for the last six years, when he joined the Mayans. You two had a special connection since the first time you crossed your gazes. He's wonderful. He has an amazing mind, full of paranoids and good advices. He's kind, funny, a born listener, empathetic and sincere. He has taught you a lot of things to face life and he always has taken care of you. As you did, with every wound, every shout, every cold, every mental break down. Together in the good times, but especially in the bad ones, when his life looks like hell, when he doesn't want anyone around, when he hate himself so much that he just wants to end with everything. You're there, holding him, loving him.

And you can't blame him for meeting the love of his life at the market. You can't blame him for not loving you back. You can't blame him for just seeing you as his best friend, as if you were one of his little sisters. And you can't even blame him because he canceled your day off together, just because he wanted to spend the sunday with her. In life, sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. 

Without a word in your lips, you get up of your chair. He doesn't even stop talking about his girlfriend, he doesn't even look at you very concentrated in telling his brothers how good was their first date. Keeping your hands inside your pockets, biting your inner lip, walking towards the clubhouse to have some minutes alone to alleviate pain. Closing the door after your steps in, you grab the Jose Cuervo and a small shot glass sitting at the table. You serve and drink, serve and drink. Six time. Six shots ripping bittersweet your throat with the tears falling down through your cheeks.

“I'm sorre'”. Angel is behind you, but you can't even turn at him.

“For what?” You shrug, unable to feel anything other than sadness.

“You know why”. Palming your head to make you get up, he adopts your position pulling you to his lap.

You can't help crying, when he wraps your waist and your arms between his, resting your body against his chest. You feel unconsolable, and you want to hate him, to stop feeling what you're feeling. But you can't. Angel caresses your arm, trying to make you feel better even if he knows he can't. Leaving a kiss on your temple, he holds you tightly with a heavy snort going out of his throat. He also doesn't know how Coco never noticed it before, it was too fucking clear.

“Hey, what's'ap? Why are you crying, mami?” The king of Rome leans towards you, bending by your side with a hand touching yours.

“No—Nothing, don' worr—worry”. You say, as the bad liar you are but used to hiding what happens. Getting up of Angel's lap and cleaning your tears, you try to smile. “Just an... exam. I thought I would get mo—more grade”.

“That's why you cry? C'mon, baby, you're the most intelligent kid on earth”. He says putting an arm on your shoulders, hugging you slightly. “Take a break, it's okay if you don' get it, you study a lot”.

“Yea', I know... I know”.

━━━━━━ ﹅ ━━━━━━

It's been almost five months since that night. You continued acting like it didn't affect you, coming back from San Diego every weekend with the hope to share a Sunday off with him. But he started to cancel it. Coco stopped calling you everyday, as he used to, turning your talks into some random texts every two or three days, one week, two weeks, until hopefully you talked a few times a month. It was painful seeing how he was pushing you away and by one hand you understood him. But not by the other. You have been with him in his good and in his worst. Even so, you still can't blame him.

Because of that, you never came back to Santo Padre, being visited by the crew one time per week. And you, stupid, always hoping he would come. But he never did. And you know that you lost the battle his morning' birthday, when you call him to congratulate him and tell him that you had a present, and it was his girlfriend who answered the phone, telling you that he didn't want to talk to you. Your heart broke into thousand pieces, nodding in silence before hanging up. Of course, you didn't go to his party, spending the day drinking in your flat in San Diego. Maybe he finally noticed it and that's why he didn't want to have anything with you, because he didn't want to have any problems with his girlfriend. So, you just tried to understand it and giving him whatever he wanted, as you always did. Even if that was killing you slowly.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Another college year is finished, so you're coming back to Santo Padre for the summer. You have to take a deep breath, before crossing with your car the entrance of Romero and Bros. straight to the clubhouse. All the bikes are there and you feel like your heart turns when you see his. Parking next to them, you get out of your car putting well your clothes on, walking nervous towards the front door. 

The crew receive you between cheers, kisses and hugs. It's been five months and you still feeling the same pain consuming you, getting worse when you see him sitting in a corner with his girlfriend hugging him over his lap. Coco's face turns to some serious gesture, not even saying ‘hi’, ‘how are you’, nothing. Angel brings you a beer, holding your shoulders with a tattooed arm, to guide you outside towards the porch, sitting on the stairs.

“You ok?”

“Of course 'am not, but... what else I can do? I tried, Angel. I wrote him everyday, I called him, but he chose that girl. And it's okay. You don't always win”. 

“I'm sorre'bout what's happening. He also changed with me, because I told him I used to go 'see you every weekend to San Diego”.

“And why he cares?” You ask frowning, having a sip of your beer. “You're my friend. And he decided he didn't want to talk with me anymore”.

Angel turns his face towards you confused, not knowing about what you're talking about.

“He stopped calling and texting me”.

“Did he...?” Something seems not to fit.

“Yes, he did. I also called him for his birthday. I was ready to take my car and drive back here, to give him his present”. 

“Did you...?”

“The fuck is wrong with you questioning all I say?” You take off of your pocket your phone, showing him all the unanswered messages and the times you called him and he didn't answer. “See? I get it, Angel. He has a girlfriend now and he doesn't want to make her feel jealous, or... whatever. I just want him to be happy. And I'll keep myself away”.

There's something on Angel's face that you can't decipher, but he doesn't say anything. He just nod drinking of his beer.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Maybe a Mayan party is not where you want to be, but your father asked you, so did the crew. It’s been a long time since you spent some time with them, so you thought that you could make somekind of presence for one or two hours, at least. You’re sitting between your father and Angel, while the guys are talking about something that happened in the last travel they drove to Arizona. Some chairs away, in front of the bonfire Coco holds Sara above his lap with both arms wrapping his body, sharing hugs and kisses as if no one of you were there. You don’t even know why they are here, if they don’t want it. The oldest Reyes feels the tension running through your body, holding your hand and tangling his fingers with yours to raise them and kiss the back of your hand. You leave a heavy sigh flies off of your lips, supporting your head on his left shoulder, drinking the beer his offering you. 

“So, wha’bout you, guys?” Hearing the feminine voice with humorous tone, straight to you two, you can’t help but roll your eyes.

She trying pushing you into Angel, at the minimal dearly gesture between both, is something that you know would happen. And by the look he gives Sara, you know he’s about to explode. But you stop him, placing your free hand on his chest calling for his attention. You shake your head, begging in silence. But he lose his brother too. And it’s not fair.

“Yo’, my girl made a question”. Coco says then, being the flame that was missing to light the wick.

Angel leans on his chair, supporting his forearms above his lap with a petty smile on his lips. 

“Hey, Sara, let me answer you with another question”. Angel’s voice is turning to somewhat funny, enjoying the moment, even if you don’t understand what is happening. “How many (Y/N)’ texts you delete of Coco’s phone?”

Silence. All the gazes turning to her, you dying inside because of the shame and the confusion.

“The hell are you talkin’bout, man?” He asks turning at his girlfriend frowning. 

“All those nights you were fuckin’ crying as a fuckin’ child. All those nights you got drunk telling me that you gave (Y/N) the best of you fo' nothen'. All those nights blaming me for no reason. It wasn’t she. It was your girlfriend”. You can’t believe what he’s saying, leaving the beer on the floor. “(Y/N) showed me all the text she wrote you. The hanged up calls. Do you know she called you for yo' birthday? Do you remember what happened that day?”

“Wh—What?”

“He fuckin’ broke ma’ nose ‘cause he thought that I poisoned you ‘bout him. But what nobody knew is that you had called him. You answered the call, rai’, Sara? You told her that Coco didn’t want to talk her anymor’”.

“Are you fucking kiddin’ me, bitch?” Tranq is getting up of his chair, as she does. “Did you made my daughter believe that her best friend broke his heart, all this time, just because you wanted to set them apart?”

“She did ‘cause (Y/N) is in love with him since ever”.

The crew is staring at you with your gaze on your feet, biting your lower lip.

“You’ve to be kidding, papi”.

“Ask your girlfriend, man”.

Coco gets up of his chair, full of rage and wrath. Sara is sobbing trying to explain herself, but she doesn’t have any defense.

“Give me your phone”. The man walks towards you with a raised arm, and a hand waiting for it.

“I do—”.

“Give me your phone!” He shouts at you, so you give him with trembling fingers.

He unlock it having a quickly look of all the text you sent him, all the calls you made. Everything. He doesn’t know how to feel, even if he’s falling down into pieces right now, looking at you with incredulous eyes. Nobody says anything. No matter who is your father, nor if Coco is a Mayan. It’s a trouble between three people, nobody else. 

“Get the fuck outta’ my club. Go to my house. Pack your things. And leave Santo Padre before I regret letting you alive”. His voice is rough, loud and clear. A firm tone of voice that does not hesitate.

“Coco, listen…” She begs, trying to walk closer, being blocked by Angel.

“Leave”. 

You can't move a single inch seeing how Coco walks inside the clubhouse, coming back some minutes after when his, you hope, ex-girlfriend left the Mayans yard between tears, curses and yells. Your father is trying to make you feel better by leaving some caresses on your back, while the crew sighs alleviated 'cause seems like they saw her as a trouble too. The mexican offers you a hand with the other holding your phone. Tranq pushes you softly to go with him, following towards your car.

Coco drives in silence, leaving behind Santo Padre till you're close to the border. He stops on a side of the road in the middle of the desert, then he gets out of it, sitting on the hood and lighting a cigar in his lips. You can see him through the glass reading all your messages, where you told him that you were sorry for anything that could bothered him. Where you told him how much you care about him and his happiness. Where you told him that you missed him. All those messages that started talking about your days in San Diego or remembering old times, continued with you asking him to forgive you, and finished telling him that you never wanted to end like that, that you never wanted to end your friendship, believing that you were the one who fucked up the love between both. The last text was something like ‘I'll set myself apart, 'cause everything I want in life is see you being happy, no matter if you're with me or not, I have always loved you and I'll always going to do it”.

Getting out of the car, taking some time and doubting about what to do, you leave the door opened. Your feet move slowly towards him, looking how he's watching all the calls that he didn't hang up. All the calls Angel was talking about. Till the last one made in his birthday. But noticing his tears, you stop your steps. He throws away the cigar, letting go the smoke as a painful and silent howl, supporting his hands on his thighs and leaning forward.

“I'm so fuckin' sorre'”. He sobs with a broken voice, turning his gaze to you. “I'm so fuckin' sorre'”.

You can't say anything, biting your lips about to cry too.

“I left you alone. I left you alone with all this shit in yo' heart. It's feels like… I fuckin' betrayed you fo' a fuckin' pussy”. He says with a taut voice, getting up of the car to face you. “I thought you were mad at me 'cause 'her, 'cause all this time you only… wanted me for some quicklies or shit like tha', and when you lost the chance, you just left me”.

You shake your head with trembling pursed lips.

“All this time… you were in lov' with me. But why? Why you left me? Why you didn't tell me, ah?”

“You looked happy with her. And that's all I wanted, Coco. Your life has always been a tragedy, till you met her. Who was I to spoil something like that? I thought we could still being friends. I thought I could be strong enough to be her friend too, so I could stay by your side. But then… you started to pushing me away, and I'm not blaming you. She was your girlfriend and you wanted to be more time with her. So… I just kept myself in the background”.

“You didn't keep yourself in da' background. You left Santo Padre”.

“'Cause it was painful seeing how I was losing my best friend, and my fuckin' love! What the hell was I supposed to do, ah? Stay here? Trying to rebuild my fuckin' heart shattered? For what? For… maybe a gaze? Maybe a smile? It wasn't fair, Coco”.

“I was waiting ya' in my birthday. I passed all day holdin' my phone, waitin' for your call thinking you forget it 'cause your final exams”.

“I called you when I woke up. I was getting dressed to take your present and drive towards here. Then, Sara told me you didn' want to talk. So, I ju—just got drunk looking our photos, and watching our videos together, trying to figure out the point I fucked up everything”.

“You did?”

“Yea'” You nod taking your phone off of his hand to keep it in your pocket, before crossing your arms on your chest. “I never wanted to hurt you, Coco. Only made you happy”.

“You did it like shit”.

“You fuckin' broke my heart. And you also thought I just wanted your fuckin' cock, as if it is the golden one”.

“And I'm sorre'bout that. I don't wanna lose you again, (Y/N)”. He grabs your forearms, opening them to push you into his body.

Finally, after five long months, he's hugging you again. You close your arms surrounding his neck, sinking your head on it and closing your eyes to focus on his smell and his heartbeat. You're feeling how the pain is fading as he holds you tighter, leaving some kisses on your head.

“I missed you so fuckin' much, mami. So fuckin' much”. He whispers, making you cry softly. “I love you. I need you. Living without you has been an agony. I'm so sorre'bout the shit I made you, I never meant to do'et”.

“It's okay, Coco…” You mutter pulling him away, putting your hands inside the pockets of your jeans.

“No, it's not. Don'... Don' do that again. Shout at me, mami, tell me tha' I'm an asshole, a shithead… Whateva'. Why aren' you angry?”

“'Cause sadness won that battle. I just kept the good feelings about you, even if I was fuckin' sad trying to type your number by heart, to call you again even if you weren't gonna answer”.

“I love you, (Y/N). I've always don'it. And I just… feel fuckin' stupid. But this is not gonna happen again, you hear me? No secrets, no hiding feelings. Tell me you're gonna stay, please”.

You nod in silence, confused about how you should feel right now. He takes the step placing both hands on your neck, pulling you closer so he can kiss you. You've been waiting for this almost seven years and you can't believe it's already happening. Tangling your fingers on his black flannel shirt, you take some air by your nose, moving your lips has he does in a lovely and softly way. He tastes like tequila, you taste like beer and it's the perfect combination, drowning a low gasp on his mouth when his tongue sneaks into your finding your saliva and your own tongue. Bristling your skin, he lifts you up after his hands travels to your thighs to sit you on the Mustang' hood.

“My fuckin' mami, all mine”. He sighs resting his forehead on yours with closed eyes, and your legs wrapping his waist. “Shit, I'm fuckin' in love with ya' since ever. 'Amma fuckin' idiot”.

You don't want him to continue apologizing for something that it was out of your hands, pressing your lips against his again. The tip of your tongue caresses them, kissing every single inch wanting to make him feel better. You know the nightmare is over, feeling how life comes back to you, feeling the butterflies and the tickles in your stomach being under his tattooed arms.

“We were on a party, you rememba'?” He asks pulling you away to regain his air.

“You wanna com'back?”

“Just to have some tequila and go home with you”.

[jenoptimist]

5 times you try to confess to him and fail plus the 1 time you succeed

1

Today is the day you are going to do it. There can’t be a day that triumphs Valentine’s Day when confessing feelings, right? At least that’s what Kunhang and Yangyang have been telling you for the past two weeks leading up to the festive date. According to them, there is no other day to do it but then.

It is absolute chaos trying to make chocolate the day before with them zooming around the kitchen and distracting you with their hilarious antics but you persevere, resulting in cute heart shaped chocolates. You place it in the fridge overnight so it can set, preparing the small paper bag you want to pack it in as well as a small, rectangular card with a simple note.

They walk along with you, flanked on either side, singing love songs teasingly while acting out overly dramatic scenes involving hand holding and making kissy faces at the air. Their contagious smiles are enough to coax a laugh out of you even as the anxiousness keeps building up inside you, enough to make you feel faint. The high nerves make you grip tighter onto the cute paper bag they helped you choose two days ago.

“You’ve got this!” Kunhang cheers enthusiastically, punching the air for emphasis, as you begin to approach your destination. At the nervous look you give him he wraps his wiry arm around your shoulder. “You do! Right, Yang?”

“Of course!” Yangyang huffs out. “How could anybody ever reject you?” 

Just as you are about to begin the long list of the amount of times you have ever been rejected which, to be fair, has only ever been twice but twice too many if anyone were to ask you, Kunhang redirects your attention.

“There he is! Now’s your chance.”

“Maybe this is a bad idea.” You mumble, watching as your crush approaches his locker.

Dread washes over you at their twin looks of mischief and before you can tell them off, they are already shoving you towards your crush while yelling his name loudly. Kun looks back, spotting the two of them in an instant and immediately greeting them with his gorgeous smile. The bright smile remains on his face even as his gaze switches from them to you.

“Hey,” he welcomes as you slowly walk closer towards him, hands behind your back to hide your present. “How are you, y/n?” Struck by the pretty shape of his eyes and how they seem to sparkle (how do they even do that?) in the sunlight, you end up stuttering pathetically. And because Kun is an absolute angel, he doesn’t make fun of you. Just waits patiently for you to gather your words.

“I’m good thanks! What about you?”

“I’m great, thank you. How is your assignment? Do you need more help with the calculations?”

“Oh my assignment is going good!” You try not to visibly cringe at the tone your voice takes on. “I, just, uh. Well.” Inhaling deeply, you think of your friends cheering in your head in hopes of raising your courage. “I came over here because-” 

“Kun!” A bell-like voice calls. From behind Kun, you can make out the figure of one of the popular girls. She’s surrounded by her friends, giggling among one another, and you can’t help the irritation that stirs in your gut as you watch her twirl her hair around her fingers. “We have our student council meeting now! Should we walk together?”

“Sure. Just a minute.” Kun answers and when he turns back to face you, her and her minions glare daggers at you. They mouth something at you as well but the joke is on them because you aren’t good at lip reading. Judging by their nasty facial expressions, it’s probably just some stupid threat, so you turn your attention back Kun. “Please continue what you were saying.” And he is so sweet, being patient with you and everything, but you can’t have him late for his meeting. Plus the courage you have built up has dwindled due to the presence of the vice president and her clique.

“No, it’s okay. You go on ahead! Can’t be late for your meeting.” You tell him, chuckling awkwardly at the end.

His brows furrow, the corners of his lips curling into a frown. “Are you sure?”

“Yep! Totally.” 

“Well okay.” He says hesitantly, looking uncertain. “See you later?”

“Of course!”

You watch him walk away as you kick at nothing, fighting down the urge to scream bloody murder when the vice president looks back at you and smirks smugly as she cozies up next to him while chatting his ear off. Her giggle echoes in your mind as you leave the building.

“Well?” Your friends say in unison, expressions bright with anticipation.

You thrust the bag at them. “Here, you guys have it.” They mirror each other’s look of confusion and before they can ask, you beat them to the punch. “No, he didn’t reject me. He was running late for the student council meeting.” They still look unsure about whether or not they should take your chocolates but you swish your hand at them dismissively. At least the people you love can eat your hard work. They scarf down the sweet treats in a matter of minutes, bellowing praises at you exaggeratedly.

Later you are awfully grateful when they buy you ice-cream to help cheer up your mood because it helps you eat your feelings of regret. Damn your vice president.

2

It would be so easy to do it now. 

Everything is perfect; it’s just the two of you alone since the other member of your group project is a no-show. The two of you are at a small, cozy café with textbooks surrounding the table, Kun focused on his laptop while you gather the information for him from the textbooks to include in the project. You can barely hear the music as you watch him stare at the screen in complete concentration as he types, the sound of his fingers hitting the keys somewhat comforting to your ears.

“What is it?” He asks without looking at you, pressing the backspace to delete a sentence that you mutually agreed doesn’t sound good. Should you tell him? Maybe. But it isn’t the time though, is it? The two of you are just here to do your project after all. There’s faint voices in your head, sounding awfully like Kunhang and Yangyang, calling you a chicken and mimicking clucks. The mental image of them moving around and making chicken noises is enough to bring a goofy smile onto your face. Alright. It’s decided. You’ll do it.

“Kun,” you call as you square your shoulders, waiting for him to give you his full attention before continuing. Swallowing audibly, you begin your sentence. “I’ve been meaning to–”

“Sorry I’m late guys! I know, I suck, but I’ll treat you guys to lunch! Promise!” Yongqin says breathlessly as he reaches your table. A groan threatens to escape your lips but you hold it in, listening as Yongqin vents about the terrible morning he has had while you resist the urge to slam your head on the table. “Have I missed anything?” The two of you shake your heads at him and take turns at updating him on the work that you have done so far as he produces his tablet from his tote bag.

Kun looks at you expectantly, probably waiting for you to finish what you were saying earlier but you wave him off. Yongqin watches the interaction pass between the two of you, wiggling his eyebrows and he winks at you when he’s sure Kun doesn’t notice. The rest of the day involves him play flirting with you like he always does, mischief in his eyes, only hesitating when Kun mumbles something about you being uncomfortable. Yongqin’s eyes sparkle brighter at that though, as if he’s hit the jackpot, and resumes his flirting–laying it on even thicker than before.

Weeks later, when you receive a stellar grade for the project, Yongqin is still play flirting with you and you desperately hope that Kun doesn’t get the wrong impression. You still haven’t told him your feelings about him after all, so you don’t want him to think that there is anything going on between you and Yongqin.

3

Baffled at Dejun’s suggestion, you continue to look at him as if he has grown a second head. Sure, you know that he is a big romantic but his idea? Definitely out of the question. How could he think you could serenade Kun? Has Dejun heard your voice? You can’t sing for your life! Karaoke is fun because none of you take it seriously but to actually sing a full song and mean it? With your vocals? That is a big no-no. You tell him as much.

“What!” Dejun exclaims. “Why not? C’mon! Just imagine it.” He wraps his arm around your shoulder, steering you around, as his other hand raises in the air as if to create a picture. “Him and you, alone on the rooftop at night, the stars shining bright while you sing your love for him.” Sucking a breath through his teeth he adds, “it would be so perfect.”

“I don’t love him.”

“Wha- That’s all you got out of my vision?!” At your deadpan expression he says, while swatting his hand at the air, “alright, fine. Sing your feelings for him or whatever you wanna call them.”

Eventually, however, you do give in to his idea. Although you lack the vocal skills, you have to admit; serenading seems like a very unique way to confess your feelings to him. Besides, Dejun promised that he would help you–seeing that is his ‘brilliant’ masterplan. You are extremely thankful for his resolve to train your vocals since him and his entire family are musically inclined.

It’s a month later and while you aren’t Grammy Award ready, you certainly have improved. The palpitation of your heart is all you can hear in your ears as you wait for Kun at the rooftop that the two of you frequent when you want to stargaze. The crisp weather nips at you which makes you worry at your lip, knowing how much Kun despises the cold. Maybe this is a bad idea, he could catch a cold or something. Should you cancel? Maybe you should.

Kun appears seconds into your internal debate, making sure to leave the fire exit open, you take in how cute he looks all bundled up in his parka paired with a thick scarf that’s neatly wrapped around his neck and the beanie you got for him for his last birthday. As always, he greets you with that shining smile of his while he makes his way over to you. You return his welcome just as heartily albeit laced with nervousness.

“So, stargazing?”

This is it. You are going to sing to him and then confess your feelings for him. Geez, you are so nervous that your palms become clammy which causes you to rub them on your sweats. Would he like it? You sure hope he did. He didn’t even have to like you back. It would be amazing if he did but knowing your luck, he would probably reject you. You know he will be nice about it because, well, he’s Kun–one of the biggest sweethearts you know.

“Well, uh, actually,” damn it could you get straight to the point?! “I didn’t ask you here to stargaze.”

“Oh?” His faces scrunches adorably in confusion, “then what do you want to do?”

When you are about to reply, it begins to rain. Not the light sort rain, of course, because you are extremely unfortunate. No, instead it downright pours and a hysteric laugh almost pulls itself out of you. Was the universe trying to say something? Maybe Eros has decided that you two aren’t meant to be. Goodness, of course the weather had to be atrocious the night you decide to confess your feelings on the rooftop–the weather has been perfect all week! The weather app must have lied to you. The creators will definitely be reading a review from you. Ugh.

You’re pulled out of your thoughts by Kun grabbing your hand and leading you back inside the apartment complex that you both live in. He leaves no room for you to expose your plan, instead quickly ushers you back to your floor and tells you to take a hot shower and drink some tea to prevent you from becoming ill. You allow him to fuss over you, promising that you will do as he says as he bids you goodbye.

After closing the door of your home, you loudly smack your forehead against the wood and stay there for a minute or two, resisting the urge to scream, before composing yourself. When you spin around, you find your dad and older brother blinking at you owlishly.

“Don’t even ask.” You grumble, accutely aware of the wetness that has crawled into your socks. Stupid fabric shoes.

“You look like a wet kitten.” You stick your tongue out at your brother who in turn kicks lightly at your leg when you pass by him on your way to the bathroom.

4

“The way to a man’s heart is his stomach.” Yukhei informs you confidentally. “But I know you can’t cook.” You make an indignant noise but he shrugs unrepentantly at you, knowing that he is right. “So here’s what you do; after school stomp up to him and just say it confidently. ‘I love you, Kun! Please tell me you love me too!’ Or whatever you want to say.”

“Why do all of you think I’m in love with him!” You all but shout. Yukhei shushes you, glancing apologetically at the patrons at the diner you both work out. There are barely any people–Sunday afternoons are always dead so he’s just being dramatic as usual. “And besides, it’s easy for you to say! You practically reek of confidence.”

As he’s about to reply, his eyes wander behind you and then he dashes away from you all the while claiming something about how he promised your manager that he would take stock of the napkins. At first you don’t question it because it’s Yukhei–he probably did forget to do it or something. However, when you turn around to keep your eyes on the area, allowing you to slyly check on the customers that are present, you spot Kun approaching the counter.

That mischievous lanky brat.

“Hey Kun! Table for one?” You greet, already grabbing a menu from underneath the counter.

“I’ll just sit here, if it’s okay?” He replies, gesturing at the seat a few meters down.

“Yeah, no, totally! That’s totally alright!” If you could face palm, you would. Curse Yukhei for leaving you on the floor alone.

“Any recommendations for today?” He inquires as you pour him a glass of water. You list off what you like from the menu, avoiding anything that included salmon due to his aversion of it. When you have taken his order and given it to the chefs, the two of you slip into easy conversation while you tend to the other customers in between.

After Kun’s meal, Yukhei emerges from the back and pretends that he wasn’t the one to see him walk through the door first. The tall teen makes sure to slip in the fact that your shift is over somewhere in the conversation that the two of them have, winking at you exaggeratedly when the older teen isn’t looking. Kun offers to wait for you, smiling pleasantly, and how could you say no? Simple, you don’t.

Before you leave, Yukhei ruffles your hair and wishes you good luck. As you turn back to look at him, exiting the diner with your crush, he flashes you two thumbs up with a large grin. “Confidence!” He encourages silently, punching the air.

The thought of confessing slips inside your mind as Kun takes you on a detour, asking you whether or not you would like to go to the museum with him. He’s been meaning to go, he informs you, but something always comes up or none of your mutual friends are free. Knowing them, they probably refused on purpose so that he would end up going with you. That’s what you suspect, anyway, and you are almost one hundred percent sure that you’re right.

You go because you have never refused Kun and you aren’t about to start today. At the end of the day, after you have done various activities, you are absolutely positive that your feelings are going to bubble over and that you’ll end up word vomitting your confession.

Fortunately (or is it unfortunately?) that doesn’t happen because his mom ambushes your little hang out and that’s how you find yourself in the supermarket, you and Kun trailing behind her with one basket each as she ticks off the items on her grocery list.

5

The sun shining brightly is the reason why you find yourself at the beach. The others are playing in the water, splashing at each other as they yell over one another. Except for Kun and Sicheng, that is. Kun is taking a stroll by himself, taking pictures every now and again, while Sicheng lays next to you on his towel. The two of you swap stories which allows you to confide in him about your current obstacle. He listens patiently, nodding empathically here and there and laughing at Dejun’s ‘ridiculous’ plan.

“Maybe I’m not meant to tell him.” You sigh dejectedly, flopping onto your back dramatically as you close your eyes to shield them from the sun.

Sicheng hums thoughtfully. A moment of silence before he decides to say something. “Or maybe you’re thinking too much about it. It doesn’t have to be the perfect confession as long as you get your feelings across, right?” You open your right eye to peek at him. “When it’s meant to be it’ll happen.”

You roll so that you’re holding up your weight on your forearms. “When did you get so wise?” Sicheng shrugs at you. “I dunno. Maybe you’re right. But I also don’t want to just wait forever either, you know?” From behind your friend, you watch as Kun’s figure slowly becomes a dot in the distance.

“And?” At your guilty look he huffs out a laugh, “I know you better than you think so go on, finish your sentence.”

“And,” you add, returning his curious stare. “Nothing will happen if I don’t do anything.” You avert your stare back to Kun. Should you go up to him? He is walking alone. But maybe he wants to be alone and that’s why he didn’t stay with you and Sicheng. Yeah, he probably wants some solitude–he has been a bit stressed lately.

“Go,” Sicheng tells him, lazily throwing some sand in your direction. “I know you want to.” Your mouth twists at his command. You don’t want to leave him alone. He seems to hear what you are thinking and clicks his tongue at you. “I’ll be fine. Now go, create your opportunity.”

“Thanks. You’re the best.” And with that you haul yourself up, building up courage while fighting off the nerves as you make your way to Kun who is steadily returning to your group. When you are finally a few meters from him, you recall what Yukhei told you previously and square your shoulders as you stomp over to him. Confidence. All you need to do is channel your inner Yukhei–his confidence is out of this world and you find it extremely admirable.

The only thing you manage to utter is a greeting because suddenly there is a wet snout pressing into the back of your legs and when you whirl your head around, you find and extremely friendly looking dog staring up at you before it barks loudly. The cute retriever looks like it’s begging you to play which leaves you no choice but to bend down and coo at it, scratching at it’s ears. Kun is quick to huddle beside you and mimic your actions.

“Sorry ‘bout that!” Comes the breathless voice of the owner, “aw he likes you!”

With your opportunity lost, you do nothing but smile brightly at the owner as you shower compliments about her pet.

+1

Taking Sicheng’s words from weeks ago into consideration, you decide not to try and create any opportunities. Instead you let time take its course–which proves to be difficult due to your impatient nature. To distract yourself, you dabble in various activities; Yongqin and Sicheng teach you how to dance, Kunhang and Yangyang alternate between taking you to the arcade and cinema, Dejun and Yukhei go to different food joints with you. When you aren’t with them, you spend your time on the rooftop reading books or painting whichever paint-by-numbers you have recently purchased. Today you find yourself reading the book that you purchased a few days ago, your back against the brick wall of the building.

“Hey,” Kun’s voice calls out from somewhere ahead of you. As you place your thumb in between the pages so you don’t lose your spot, he takes a seat on the ground beside you so that the two of you are shoulder to shoulder. “Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Yeah,” you agree blandly, “the boys have been hogging up all of my time.”

The explanation ensues a long conversation about what the two of you have done over the past few weeks, catching each other up with what either of you haven’t mentioned through the text messages that you have sent each other. Somehow along the way, and you are incredibly perplexed as to how it even happened in the first place, Kun ends up laying his head on your lap as you read your book aloud to him from the very beginning. At first you catch a glimpse of him smiling contently from the top of your book, his eyes closed as he catches the sun’s rays. But now, four chapters in, you find that he is sleeping–you can tell by the way his features have relaxed and the way he breathes in a slow, constant pattern. You stare at him for what feels like aeons simply because you can without being called out.

“Kun,” you whisper as you trace the slope of his nose down to the curve of his cupid’s bow. “I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while but I like you. Like, butterfly eruptions in my tummy and sweaty palms kind of like. I’ve liked you for months at this point and it’s okay if you don’t like me back or anything, I just had to tell you.”

Unlike in the movies or dramas that you have watched, your crush doesn’t open his eyes at your confession and demand what you say before declaring his own feelings towards you. Instead he remains as asleep, blissfully unaware of your confession. You eye him for a bit longer, internally cursing that you didn’t bring your phone with you so that you can snap a picture, before returning to your book.

*

It’s game night with the boys and this time it’s at Yongqin’s house. You and Kun brought the huge load of snacks while the others bring a selection of board games and extra sets of Nintendo Switch controllers. It’s all fun and games until they get bored and decide to play truth or dare. You love the boys, really you do, but you swear that you are going to end up exploding on them with the way the game is going. For the past half an hour they have been on your case, squeezing you to admit your feelings for Kun and every time you take the penalty. At this point you can’t even look your crush in the eye, too busy glaring a hole into the floor of Yongqin’s living room. Even Sicheng and Dejun are trying hard to make you voice your feelings.

“You know what,” you snap as you stand up, “I’m going to get a drink.” They whine at you but all you do is give them a stink eye before stomping away. They know what they are doing. Why can’t they just accept that it is never going to happen no matter how much they try catch you out with their truths and dares.

After gulping your ice-tea you remain in the kitchen, choosing to stare out the window rather than to return to your friends. You pour yourself another glass, downing the beverage before settling on eyeing the bottom of the cup. Would it hurt them to leave you alone? And what happened to Sicheng’s advice? Gosh, knowing him he probably was bribed into their plan with the promise corn chips or something. Ugh. One more glass and you’ll go back. Hopefully they wake up and realize that they need stop their antics. They mean well, you know they do, but if they don’t stop you’ll go home.

“Sorry about them.” Kun apologizes awkwardly as he appears through the doorway while your pouring your final glass. You almost drop it in shock because of his surprise entrance, your mood gradually mellowing at the sight of him.

You huff out a laugh, rolling your eyes. “You have nothing to be sorry about. They’re just being stupid.”

Kun shrugs, leaning against the doorframe. “Yeah, you’re right. But they wouldn’t be poking fun at you if it weren’t for me.”

“Weren’t for you?” You echo in confusion. “What are you talking about? The only reason why they keep egging me is because they want me to admit that I like you.” There’s a pause as the two of you sink in what you have just disclosed. “Wait! That wasn’t–! I mean–” The groan that escapes you isn’t loud enough to drown the sound of your racing heart. Of course this would happen to you. Could the ground please swallow you?

“You like me?” The tone of his voice isn’t the one you imagined he would use–a soft, pitying one while he rejects you. It isn’t that at all. Rather, it’s one of awe. As if he can’t believe what he has just heard. “Really?”

Not trusting your voice, you nod at him while sneaking a peek at his expression through your lashes. The sheer glee plastered on his face gives you enough courge to stare at him head on. Something warm and fuzzy settles in you when you realize that you have only seen this expression a handful of times.

“Yeah,” you confirm, swallowing audibly before you continue. “I do. I really, really do. I’ve had a crush you since you offered to help us move into the building.”

“That was three years ago.”

“Yeah. And my feelings have only grown since then.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” The silence that follows is agonizing. “Well,” you say, unable to hide the awkwardness that shines through, “I, uh, better head back in I guess. They’re probably looking for us.” You avert your gaze as you inch towards the door, hoping that this is all a dream because him not saying anything is better than rejection. “Uh, excuse me.”

Kun doesn’t move from where he is blocking the door. “Wait! Sorry! I just can’t believe that you like me back.”

“Oh.” You whisper breathlessly. Well, that changes everything. “So since we both like each other,” you start saying as you lick your lips nervously, “would you maybe like to go on a date next Saturday?”

“Of course I would! Pick you up at two?”

“Two is good.” You confirm shyly, smiling stupidly at the tiled floor. Kun’s hand appears in your vision and although your hands are slightly clammy, you take it anyway, allowing him to lead the two of you back to the others.

The rest of the boys break out in wild cheers the second they spot the two of you holding hands. Your jaw drops when, after the mini celebration has ended, they hand cash over to Yongqin.

“What?” He asks innocently as he stuffs the notes into his pocket.

“You’re all ridiculous.” Is your answer as you and Kun take a seat on the couch.

“Ridiculous?” Kunhang repeats, “you want to hear ridiculous?” He then begins recalling his version of how ‘painful it was to watch you and Kun dance around each other’. Which begins a chain reaction, the others dramatically telling it from their points of view. But even as you slowly sink in the chair, your cheeks flaring, you find that you don’t mind considering you got your dream boy.

[hydrus]

Version 381

windows

zip

exe

macOS

app

linux

tar.gz

source

tar.gz

I had a good week with a couple of challenges. MPV is now ready for all windows users and is turned on by default.

MPV

Thank you to the advanced users who tested and gave feedback on MPV. I have eliminated the crashes, tightened up the jank, and am now rolling it out to all Windows users by default for video, audio, and gif/apng. All media view settings under options->media will be reset this week.

MPV is a good free media viewer. One of the core benefits of moving hydrus to Qt was being able to plug it into our media player, enabling hardware-accelerated video playback and audio. It looks just like the native player, with the seek bar beneath, but it works much faster, able to play 1080p or 4k videos at 60fps at full or unusual zooms. And of course, it makes noise!

This is early days. I have only just started plugging into MPV, so many features are basic or not yet available. The global volume and mute controls are currently some very ugly controls in the top media hover panel. Slideshows will not move forward on an MPV window (hydrus doesn't know when an MPV player has 'played once through' yet), and some processes like the archive/delete filter will need some extra workflow options now that more users will be playing videos at high res (left-click on the player pauses the video, so to set 'keep' on archive/delete, you'll have to click on some whitespace, of which there is so much less when the video is so big). Please let me know what your top priorities for improvement are, and of course, if you encounter errors or crashes, let me know. I'll keep working.

Even though it was a lot of difficult work, I am overall really pleased with how this has gone. The only big remaining bug that I need to nail down is an unusual thing where after multiple mpv viewings in a preview window, that page will stutter some query/thumbnail loading unless the mouse is moving. This is a slightly frustrating bug, but the benefits of MPV are enough that I am happy to live with it. I will also get it going for Linux and macOS, which I did not have time for this week.

the rest

Assuming that users will want to set/unset MPV and other view/zoom options for filetypes in the coming weeks, I have reworked how all of that works under ''options->media''. By default, you now set view and zoom options for 'all video files' and 'all images', and then if you have specific options for just webms or pngs, you can set those specific options to override the group default. Every user will be reset to the new defaults on update. Please have a play with this this week.

Similarly, I have reworked the UI for system:filetype. The growing list of individual filetypes are now hidden from view when not needed, and the 'group' types have tristate checkboxes for better review. It takes up less space and just feels better.

Also, I have pulled gifs and apngs out of the 'image' group and created a specific 'animation' group for them. This doesn't change much, but it makes it easier to search for or manage settings for static images vs little animations.

I fixed a bunch of the weird layouts that were accidentally introduced last week. Please report any more you find--I am still fighting to convert old wx layout code to Qt's system, so this could happen again in a place I do not notice.

full list

mpv:

mpv is now available and the default for all windows users

I believed I have eliminated the final reported mpv crash

mpv load and unload delays are greatly reduced. initial load still takes about half a second, but subsequent loads are now as quick as native renderers

mpv seems to work well for gif and apng

added a very simple global volume slider and audio mute checkbox to the media viewer top hover window. this was a quick patch--much better controls and shortcuts will come in future

mpv windows now properly re-show the cursor on mouse movement

unified mpv mouse press/release handling with native animation--click down now does pause/play and starts a drag event

unfortunately, in some cases embedding mpv requires overriding local OS number rendering (e.g. 1,234 vs 1.234). hydrus number rendering is now coerced to the english style with commas until we can figure out a better solution--sorry!

cleared up an issue where simple clicks on page tabs would trigger micro-page drags that were immediately cancelled. this situation was exacerbated when the page being left had an active mpv window. the flicker of page drag cursor is now gone, and some weird situations where static clicks during busy time could move a tab should be fixed

eliminated the recent issue in the media viewer where transitioning from one media type to another through navigation, particularly mpv->other, would flicker a single frame of the last 'other' media shown(!)

fixed a bug where repeated mpv views in the preview viewer could disable client file drag and drop

the bug where thumbnails may not waterfall in unless the mouse is moving after some mpv videos are loaded for a page is relieved but not completely fixed

if the preview window is collapsed and hidden, media will no longer ever load into it

fixed an edge-case bug where the mpv window would not like being told to show nothing when it was already showing nothing

wrapped mpv load errors in a basic graceful catch

fixed an issue some users had with loading mpv's dll

.

file types:

a new file metatype, 'animation', is added, for gif and apng. these are no longer considered 'image' for a variety of purposes

the filetype selection panel, which is used in system:filetype and import folder UI, has had an overhaul--it now has tristate 'mime group' checkboxes to represent a half-filled group and expand/collapse buttons to hide the tall filetype lists. individual filetype lists will start hidden unless their default value is a partially filled group

the media view options have a similar overhaul: they are now collapsed to general filetypes by default. you set view and zoom options for the generalised 'video' type under options->media, and if you want to set specific options for webm or anything else, you can add/delete those types to override the general default

the new default options for a fresh client are just for these general types. if mpv is available, video, animations, and audio now start with mpv as the default viewer. video and animation zoom is now flexible (not fixed to 50%, 100%, 200%) and will fill the media canvas

all media view options will be reset to this simple default on update! if you have specific zoom or display preferences, please reset them after the update--but you might like to play with mpv a bit first, as it renders at large and smooth zooms very well

.

the rest:

the new thumbnail right-click file selection routine will now only focus and scroll to the first member of the selection if no other members of the new selection are already in view

fixed some caching code and sped up the new select/remove menu count generation (which can lag for very large pages) by two to six times

sped up file filter counting code by about ten percent

fixed weird layout on: migrate database panel, duplicates page (left and right), edit shortcuts, edit import folder, and the filename tagging panel

fixed an issue where the media viewer's hover windows might flicker into view for one frame when the mouse moved over the center of the media viewer for the first time

fixed a media viewer shutdown issue that would sometimes lead to the first file in the list being opened in the shutting-down viewer for an instant or highlighted as the new thumb focus

the file maintenance system that queues up missing/broken files' urls for redownload will no longer re-select the download page on every new url

fixed an issue where a downloader's tag blacklist was not being applied on the child files of certain kinds of multiple-file post (such as with pixiv)

deleting a very long tag should no longer create a very wide confirmation dialog in the manage tags dialog

fixed some 'the panel grew a bit, but the parent window didn't grow quite enough and now it has scrollbars for two pixels of extra content' sizing issues

fixed some dialog sizing calculations when the parent window was borderless fullscreen

maybe fixed a rare event processing bug

improved quality of some misc data comparison code across the program

did some significant backend event/pubsub code cleanup, mostly related to getting mpv working a bit cleaner

improved thumbnail rendering time

improved smoothness of thumbnail fade animations (at least for when they are working right, ha ha!)

misc fixes

next week

Unfortunately, I believe that I burned out over the past four to eight weeks. I have been pushing too hard, trying and failing to keep up with my promises, and along with some IRL stuff it nuked my schedule and energy and mood. It hit a breaking point this week, and I realised I was working non-sustainably. I will fix this situation in the coming weeks by altering my schedule. I expect to scale back on overall work hours and hydrus changelog work specifically, focusing instead on keeping myself healthy first so I can face other work (like keeping up with messages and maintaining a productive workspace) and not go nuts. I will also try to promise less when it comes to timeframes so I do not feel bound to stay up late working. I apologise if you have been waiting on me for something--I lost where I was.

I would like to do some more mpv work next week, and do some code cleaning. I will also be taking a bit of time off, so it will be a light week. Thanks everyone!

EDIT: If you have trouble loading mpv, please use the new easy settings under options->media to go back to the native viewer for the main filetypes, and let me know your situation. Some users with millions of files over a network share seem to have very slow startup.

[isakwon]

MALEVO 2

Pairing: Reader x Got7′s Kim Yugyeom

Genre: Angst

Warning: Violence and swearing

Word Count: 3K                                    

MALEVO 1

       Thank goodness the dark curtains provided with the dormitory shuts the sunlight out from blinding the heck out of your slumber. You adored waking up being completely wrapped with puffy blankets laying softly over the pillows and judging from the silence around you, your roommate must’ve left for work. It all a dream; the last things you remember from that night terror had been your loved ones going missing, getting mysteriously threatened with notes, and the paranoia that stayed behind waking up. Once fear eased down out your stomach, you don’t hear noise come around outside the walls, meaning you are home alone. Being home alone weekend mornings gives the opportunity to do whatever you want and the idea has you excited. Your roommate must’ve gained enough energy after finishing her late night shift and decided cleaning the entire house while you were sleeping, leaving everything looking spotless with the exception of some dirty dishes.  You blindly turned the television on before walking straight toward the small kitchen preparing breakfast. Without watching the screen, the news anchormen discuss over the most recent morning topics.  

 “Our Country Police Department have track down several drug victims using the brand new strategy called “Operation Hammer”. Both Police and the FBI are using Battering Ram Tanks to tear down houses that has been accused of drug possession in order to stop this devastatingly fast growing rate of crack, cocaine and marijuana. Last night, three houses have been demolished and only one containing bags of what looks like cocaine within every wall, beds, the floor and even the inclusion of illegal weapons.” One female reporter said from the screen.

  “All four owners were arrested with one currently in the hospital due to spinal damage from getting rammed.”  

 You sink down the chair eating your prepared breakfast in front the T.V. displaying the hood streets where police search half demolished homes surrounded with victims dressed in their bathrobes and pajamas, holding children much younger than six years old. One interviewed woman describes her perspective how she was sleeping next to her husband and grand baby, next thing she knew the sounds of big wheels draw closer and closer until suddenly they are left with half a home. A majority of victims face mistaken identity and now shockingly the victims are put with blame. Unfortunately half the victims become unjustified and lose their own case against the police especially when somebody gotten seriously injured and it was so obviously clear the police are at fault.

 “We were scared and it’s just horrible because those kids were in these houses, they could’ve been killed.”

   You stiffen your vision toward the screen that showed police exiting the torn house with little to no expression on them, including the President’s wife escorted by them . Four actual drug abusers are imprisoned and rehabilitate while nothing else will be known about the mistaken victims roaming around the front yard wearily, hugging wailing children. Wondering helplessly what’s gonna happen to them and where they’re going to stay, how their children can get dressed now that their uniforms are covered with dust. You fold your arms across your chest while exhale heavily, shaking you head. Damn was the most you thought to yourself as the reporters moved on to the following morning topic. All scenes similar are the first and last time the victims will be heard from. It was like the justice supreme liked thinking themselves as if their job was all a game of messed up chess, considering themselves as Kings, Queens and Bishops and Knights trying to eliminate pawns that never moved

Many cops knew how their job should be done and how suspects should be treated firstly during interrogation. Others who did whatever they wanted assault on the innocent or for just for any other senseless reason.

  Once breakfast was over you cleaned yourself and dressed into simple shirt and pants, not really having desires to go anywhere today since your roommate left and later tonight you are going out with a date that you haven’t had in forever. Men during junior and high school approached you confessed their past feelings and admitted they were afraid that there was something more grew with your feelings towards Yugyeom.  Your thumb presses the delete contact button under Yugyeom’s contact that now was useless for keeping old messages and dated back call logs. You would stand in the middle of the living room, gripping the phone with your fingers, and planting your feet down facing the door, not wanting to move.

...

“I can’t date anybody cause they feel jealous of you.” 

You grip the steering wheel with both hands on opposite direction, attempting jokes but at the same time being serious toward Yugyeom who keeps eating his boxed food. 

“It’s not that their jealous, your lovers are afraid about what will happen if they make you cry.” He says, bringing the forkful food to his mouth. “Plus they don’t need to worry about us together.”

He picks something stuck in his teeth as you stare at the red dot over your heads. And you purse your lips together breathing through your nostrils. “Yugyeom, do you think someday we’ll stop being best friends?” You ask.

Yugyeom stares onto the side of your face, wide eyed. “How can you think that?”

  “I mean once we’re married, our partners wouldn’t favor friends like us hanging out as much as we do. Even if we bring our time together to a minimum, I’ll be worried your future wife won’t accept me.”

  Your fingers fall down the steering wheel as your heart twists in your chest. Remembering folded surprise notes hidden in your bag. Every note had malicious comments demanding you to find a new best friend. One day returning from being sick, Yugyeom found a paper tack in your change of shoes with the needle facing up the air. You were shocked knowing how someone could do such things to you just because you were close friends with a male this person has a crush on. He grabs your shoulder, rubbing his hand over and you turn your eyes toward Yugyeom.

“Y/N, if our future spouses don’t want to spend time together then they might as well have each other. There’s no healthy relationship if there isn’t any trust.”

Trust was Yugyeom’s best traits, and his trust sometimes amazed you. He never shared secrets and he never let anyone down. Anytime you needed help finishing an essay, he’d help you with research and anytime you thought you would get grounded for something you knew was wrong.

 “Trust me, no matter what happens I promise we’ll be friends forever. You’re like my sister, if anybody breaks your heart, they better pray for themself.” He says getting an amused scoff from you in response. That promise was sealed with a handshake and hug  Yugyeom would cover for you. All that Yugyeom has done for you, you would do for him. One day there would be knocking coming from the door and his figure outline visible from the otherside, waiting for you to open. You press the cancel option below the delete contact option. Yugyeom should’ve been deleted but you just never had the heart to, like removing him from your life.

   His contact still under your thumb following the call button, keeping your thumb hovered and moving back and forth, staring. You waited something from him like a call saying he’s okay, if his family’s okay. You been urging to dial him for so long, without realizing your fingers fumble over the screen, feeling the phone vibrate, just thinking purely about Yugyeom. “Hello?”

“Hey Y/N, how are ya?” Your boss called, “Say can you come in a little early today?”

He asks you to cover some coworker’s daylight shift. A quiet moan immersed deep down the bottom of your throat just so your boss could not hear- you were just enjoying the morning all to yourself. You had not stayed at home for countless weeks and dearly missed for lounging before you went out. But your boss was such a sweetheart and fun person.

“Thank you. Have a wonderful day.” Your shift comes closer towards the end.

 Upon your arrival he instantly greets and thanks you making your face grow red overhearing his compliments. So far things run smoothly without being too busy, customers seemed to be in a good mood. Half the customers telling you how pretty your smile is and some new coworkers asking advice how to become a better employee. You knew since today is a good day, your date tonight might succeed.

 You greeted and smiled every single customer while wiping tables and chairs. Good thing arriving early provided being released early, giving you enough time to shower, get dressed, redo your hair and apply make up on yourself. The sky blended baby and mid-dark blue turning into one of the most beautiful sapphire blues you had ever seen.

 Probably because he wore a jacket of the same color. His car that you rode was painted the same color. Maybe because you thought the color suits him best. Maybe the color has nothing to do with remembering Yugyeom. Maybe it was the customer sitting down on the patio with a familiar back profile. Whoever the person really was, you can’t help try examining.

 The shoulders were wider by two inches comparing yours, his bowl-cut hair was fluffy and a single loop earring and although the legs are bent and covered with loose jeans, they look swollen. Yugyeom’s legs were slim the last time he was seen. You realize you’re several steps closer toward the customer trying usual questions you ask customers eating at the restaurant and a small part trying to find out the person is Yugyeom.

….

“We can’t go to Haeundae this year.”

Yugyeom said and you adjust the phone over your ear.  “What,how come?”  

 Before, Yugyeom’s disappearance talked about visiting some relatives. For six summer vacations, Yugyeom’s parents always invited you on a road trip to swim at Haeundae Beach usually lasting two weeks on vacation as long as your parents agreed- and they obviously would.

 Now, his parents grew worried and more wary about safety since that drive-by assassination that happened before your eyes. Crime like such seemed incredibly rare happening in such an innocent neighborhood that’s becoming more alert. Since that elder woman mentioned her nearing death, familiar street names appeared on evening news. Reported kidnapping, folks never returning home, and hit and runs. More parents cautiously watched their children and the dog population grew rapidly.

“How long will you be away?”

Yugyeom sounded really gloomy through the speaker, he sounded like he was crying. “I don’t know.”

He tells you grab a pen and napkin and write down a new phone number. He inhales deeply, making sure that you can’t suspect him tearing up but his voice croaked.

   Why is he suddenly getting sentimental ?

“Trust me, everything will be okay. I love and will miss you, loser.” His relieved huff released one out through you, assuring he’ll be okay. He promises that you’d be friends forever.

  “Y/N come on, you gotta clock out.” Your boss waves his hand forward and you gather leftover plates before heading inside the building without even looking back the drive-thru lane and drove all the way home to make in time for your date.

  Nobody could oppose how wearing black looked wonderfully on others. You owned a dozen black dresses and the target aim tonight was another most favorite dress with lace elbow sleeves with soft black percale fabric outlining your figure. You wore over overall natural makeup with brown matte lipgloss and your hair framing your jaw structure. Since today was great so far this date was going really good too. Your date became the center of attention for the night without trying.

  He was cute especially wearing red polo shirt that exposes his chest through glimpses each time he moved while turning his head toward the waiter. Once the conversation passed the usual introduction and profile you went ahead on ordering drinks.

Jinyoung is the first time having a date with after a long period and he was being a gentleman from the start, pulling out the chair, gifting lavenders between you and hasn’t stopped complimenting you. As hours passed Jinyoung’s eyes trot over head down your arms. Your sensual voice flowing pleasantly through his ears and asking to hear your giggle again. His knuckles press into his cheek squishing his eye. He was admiring you with his half smile once you raised your head and smiled shyly. “Yes?”

“You just look beautiful.” Jinyoung responds. He unfolds his fist, flattening his hand against his cheek.

“How can someone like you be single for so long?”

 Heat rushes up your cheeks quickly as your eyelids fall and you curl strands of hair. It was better keeping that question unanswered, not because that’s the ‘date thing’ also because the past men who shared interest always ended. You were just sick over the lacking trust and jealousy living through the relationship with whoever.

The waiter brought two glasses of iced teas, sweetened for you and unsweet for Jinyoung. After ordering appetizers, you excuse yourself to use the washroom. Jinyoung nods, watching you rise until you disappear around the corner. A smile plasters your face with heated cheek buds until someone dressed entirely in denim, wearing a black ski mask exits the men’s room. That person pauses in his tracks and zipps quickly away as you look back behind him entering the restroom. Water droplets float over little frizzy parts of your hair. While silently hoping that this night continues going good, the phone screen brightens with a new message.

[From] Unknown:

         Do not drink the tea.

Your brows knit upward your forehead and you immediately frown. Such a strange message especially from an unknown number. You thought to yourself, “The fu-?”

But the message mentions the beverages you and Jinyoung ordered, how the hell did Unknown number know that the drinks were teas?

Your thumbs begin punching over the keyboard and then another message appears.

[From] Unknown:

          Please do not drink the tea.

  Water drips from the faucet and all you do is reread the two messages saying the same thing. Maybe these messages really are for you, but how does this person know what you’re drinking. Also why. Who is this person texting you, how did they know your number? Are they sitting somewhere in the same restaurant, they had to to know where you are this evening.

So does that mean you’re being followed?

The bathroom door opens again another woman entering as you turn the screen off. You still are fazed the same way you felt earlier in the morning, unable how to think nor when to move. Jinyoung already waited waited more than five minutes, probably, and the food already served without you. Could he be the one warning you about the drink? He did have your number first and knew you were drinking tea and he is sitting in the same restaurant with you.

You throw a bit more water onto your hair streaming down your temples past your ears, taking a deep breath. This whole day was going fine, you think to yourself, everything will be okay hopefully. You excuse yourself to Jinyoung sitting back down.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

 You nodded, trying to wear off loads of paranoia heaved upon your mind and shoulders.

  “Yes, I’m fine. Let’s eat.”

Jinyoung talked about his interests of gothic architecture and popular narrow alley staircases like one called El Callejon De Beso. It interested him because supposedly when couples kiss standing on the red stone where one lovers blood stained, their love would last eternally. Another thing was discovered about your date when he kept cracking wise jokes-and each made you laugh.

  Several more minutes passed talking between eating and Jinyoung drinking between eating. As much as you desired washing food down with something, you didn’t grab for the tea for anything. Those anonymous warning just wouldn’t stop whirling behind your skull, debating if ordering another drink was better. The waiter still hasn’t walked by the table to check nor offer refills yet, not even offering refills for water. Your parents have said when you were younger when you were watching the movies with them where there was a bar scene. When that ended, they told you buy your own drink never let other people buy them however they were alcoholic, something your taste buds cannot stand. Alcoholic drinks tastes super heavy and super light yet all that can taste is the burning liquid, even when their drinks fused with fruit flavors that dissolving sedates have no flavor. Emptiness fills you wholly, glancing at corners all around, suddenly losing interest doing anything and movement in your limbs and your eyes are alert. You could’ve responded with wrong number or just simply turn the phone off, but the pleading from the last message really sounded genuine.

You fling your sight back on Jinyoung gently holding your hand and watching you with concerned eyes. Now that you realized, you hardly remember anything that the conversation was about. You don’t even know if you have said anything, now making you seem rude.

“Are you alright Y/N?”

Jinyoung furrows his brows onto his forehead, changing his frown into a tiny smile that brings another similar from you as deep sighs huff from your nose. Other things occupied the mind too much that attention was taken away and you shook your head and saying that you were okay now. Your dress pocket vibrates against your thigh, most likely another message from the unknown number again, however your mind was elsewhere. Jinyoung lowers his brows relaxed and revealing teeth soon as you envelope touched fingers, using nervousness for makeup paranoia and worry.

“Everything’s fine, this has been a first for me this evening.”

Jinyoung pouts, “Mine too.”

His light chuckle follows afterward slowly releasing your hand, taking gulps of tea where his adams apple bobs up and down.

....

Yugyeom intensely watches his Lord use the other hand for counting the stash bill by bill. His legs tremble from the knees down for his life since the morning from jumping rooftops and smashing windows and from what his lord would say about his short payment. Drug Dealers have similar tasks like every job that makes the sale and receive money which leaves with their boss and in return the ones who succeeded earn minimum wage. Except for dealeing payments are secretive usually exchanged behind the corner store or beside the closest bridge. Sometimes when sales end in fail, the fault was on the customer or the salesperson.

“You did good this time Kim, running away out that dope house that got fucked up. Even if you got caught, that doesn’t mean much shit to me because they got away without paying again.”

He tapped the stash on the table and Yugyeom looks over his shoulders, peering his eyes making them open slits on his face. “Next time, we’ll take care of those people after paying the little strawberry a visit.”

“Anything in it for me?” Yugyeom asked.

Yugyeom never turned short money for his lord because he knew simple ways getting the money. He remembers how cold the device felt in his palms and how far away the paper hung from the other side of the room. In movies and tv shows, actors made things look simple however entertainment intends for scenes to look realistic. Yugyeom stared at the wall and pointed in the same direction the people around him were whining and raising their voices. Calling him too ‘sissy’ to even turn the safety gear off until the material gets snatched from him. He remembers shuttering to the banging sounds inches away from him.

The Lord calls after him. “Hey Yugyeom!”

The sounds of glass breaking startle Yugyeom for the first time in forever. For the first time in forever Yugyeom feels worried as he straps the gun beneath his belt.

 “Shit, she drank it!”

[samingtonwilson]

Marriage Material - Part 22 - Jim Kirk

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18 / Part 19 / Part 20 / Part 21

Summary: in this chapter, you swear to God.

Warnings: language, lil angsty

A/N: sorry this took so long! my mental health’s been slippin’

Jim carried his tension in his shoulders and carried his guilt in his back. He carried his exhaustion in the dark bags under his eyes and carried his anxiousness in the tips of his fingers. He carried his sadness in the drooping corners of his lips, in the crevices of his stomach that flipped intermittently, in the deepest parts of his chest that ached far too often and carried the love that was ruining him everywhere else.

It was a red feeling and it burned in his every vein. It made it tough for him to eat, it made it difficult for him sleep, it made it impossible for him to do anything other than go through the motions he was required by job description to follow.

He would see you in the corridors every now and then and the red feeling would scorch deeper. He had to resist the urge to scream an apology each time and had to resist the even stronger urge to scream an “I love you” each time.

His eyes would follow you, though, and he did nothing else. He would look longingly after you with his lips forcefully shut, his hands forcefully clenched into fists, his heartbeat forcefully knocking against your ribcage— but he did nothing else.

Because he did love you— he loved you so goddamn much it was almost crippling.

Crippling because his love for you ran so deep and had run so deep for so long that he couldn’t stand the idea of not giving you what you wanted. Crippling because what you wanted was space. Crippling because what you wanted was space from him.

He kept himself far away from everywhere he knew you’d be— you did want space, after all. As such, he avoided the senior officers lounge, avoided the observation deck right above his ready room, avoided the far back right corner of the commissary, and avoided the medbay to the best of his abilities. He would only walk through the doors leading to stark white walls, rows of biobeds, and blue uniforms when Leonard practically forced him to have a drink.

He didn’t expected you to come searching for him, nor did he expect you to pass a message through Leonard or Uhura that would eventually find its way to him.

He just hoped for that.

He hoped you would show up outside the quarters you once shared with him, features as soft and mesmerizing as the last time he’d seen you, and would say with the most thin sheen of tears over your eyes, “Jim, I love you. Let’s talk about this.”

But he knew that wouldn’t happen.

So he hoped you would ask Leonard or Uhura to tell him that you loved him and wanted to speak to him.

But he knew that wouldn’t happen either.

He sat in Leonard’s office, in Leonard’s large chair with his feet atop the desk, legs crossed at the ankle. He held a glass filled a third of the way with whiskey at his eye level, narrowing his eyes as the auburn liquid. He then smiled, small and genuine, as he repeated something you said to him the last time he saw you drunk, “If alcohol was actually intoxicating, the bottles would sway, too.”

“What?”

He shook his head at Leonard who stood with a questioning gaze at the agape doorway. “You coaxed me into coming here only to have me drink alone. I could’ve done that in the comfort of my own quarters.”

“S’the first step towards alcoholism. Drinking in your home alone.”

Jim frowned in consideration. “I always thought the first step was genetic predisposition.”

Leonard snorted, shaking his head once. “Listen, I hate to do this to you but we just got a full swarm of red shirts in— some sorta jefferies tube collapse. You might be here by yourself for a while.”

“Do what you have to, Bones. No need to feel guilty on my account.”

“Don’t feel guilty at all, Jim. Just thought I should notify you before you scream abandonment.”

Jim mouthed Leonard’s words back to him imitatively and very childishly before waving his hand dismissively. He was a grown man. He didn’t need constant supervision and a real father of a best friend. He could be alone for a few moments, he would just need a distraction.

He began scrolling absentmindedly through his PADD, opening his messages to Spock to maybe irritate the Vulcan.

He shook his head to himself and decided against it, draining what remained in his glass only to fill it once again.

He then opened his thread with you, smiling immediately at the last incoming message dated nearly two weeks ago.

I know you’re drinking with Len tonight for some manly men sharing their feelings time but I love, want, and need you so please cancel on him.

He couldn’t believe how fast he’d canceled those plans— he hadn’t even given Leonard a chance to protest— and he knew he would do it just as quickly again.

He tossed the PADD back down after he typed out I miss you thirteen times only to delete it thirteen times, the tablet clattering against the desk’s surface.

With a sigh, his head fell back against the edge of the chair’s backrest. His eyes slipped shut.

There was a loud laugh just outside the door that prompted him to pick his head up, his heart leaping to his throat as he strained his hearing.

“I look amazing, Chapel. And not just for someone that hasn’t slept in forty-eight hours,” you quipped, your voice growing louder and closer until you raced to Leonard’s doorway— it was open so you assumed the doctor was in.

Taking hold of the doorframe so the momentum of your quick steps didn’t carry you too far, you sighed out with your eyes still on your PADD. “Len, I was reading so someone better be dying—”

You stopped speaking when you looked up, meeting a delicate blue gaze which was simultaneously too far and too close. You felt something lodge itself in your throat.

Though it’d only been three days since he’d caught even a fleeting glance, he could’ve sworn you’d gotten more beautiful, far more enchanting. He swallowed thickly. “Jefferies tube accident.”

You nodded, there was sandpaper where your larynx used to be. “Okay.”

“Bones is out there.”

You nodded again. “Aye, Captain.”

And you were gone— no smile, no matter how momentary, pulled at your lips like the foolishly hopeful part of him had wished and searched for.

“Fuck,” he groaned loudly, an ironic laugh falling from his lips as his head fell back once more.

As you snapped gloves onto your hands and picked up a handheld dermal regenerator, you made a face at Leonard. “You couldn’t have told me he would be in your office?”

“Who would be in my office?”

You smiled sarcastically, sitting before an ensign with a few minor cuts and bruises on her arms. “You-know-who is in your office, Len— drinking alone, which I think is the first sign of alcoholism.”

“It is,” the ensign replied, her voice soft and timid. She had a small smile over her pink lips when you glanced at her, mousy brown hair a mess from what you assumed was quite the usual engineering fiasco. “It is the first sign.”

You motioned towards her when you looked at Leonard once again. “See?”

He peered at you from the corner of his eye, pausing in his movements for a moment as he sat atop a stool before another red shirt. “Didn’t know you were suddenly concerned about him.”

“I’m concerned about everyone— I’m a doctor, I took an oath to be concerned about everyone’s health in general.”

“Yeah? Not about him in particular?”

You shook your head silently.

“Is he talking about the captain?” the ensign before you nearly whispered, leaning towards you as she spoke. Her eyebrows were raised and she wore another smile. “Is Dr. McCoy talking about Captain Kirk?”

You met Leonard’s gaze before meeting hers again. You shrugged.

“Are you two fighting?” she asked, eyes wide before gasping out, “Are you splitting up?”

You shook your head. “No one’s splitting up, we’re just fighting.”

“You are?” Leonard inquired loudly, smirking as he wrapped gauze around his patient’s ankle. “Might wanna tell Jim that, sugar— he’s awfully concerned this is permanent.”

When you were certain she was no longer looking, you made a face at Leonard with gritted teeth. “I’m gonna let him sweat it out.”

“He’ll be dehydrated soon with low long you’re lettin’ him sweat it out.”

“Then start him on an IV and stop pushing it,” you pressed, narrowing your eyes. “I’m done here. Anything else the nurses and other doctors could do for you that you need from me, Doctor? I did work alpha and beta so it’s not like I’m that tired.”

“Cut the attitude.”

“Cut the child-of-divorce act.”

“Divorce?” the ensign gasped, grey eyes wide when you looked her way. “You are splitting up!”

“It’s an expression,” you explained, scowling. “We aren’t getting a divorce, Doctor McCoy is just acting like we already have.”

“You’re actin’ like you already have.” Leonard twisted in his stool to face the ensign, his patient hobbling off. “Hasn’t even told him she loves him for days.”

Another gasp from the ensign and you rolled your eyes with a heavy sigh. “Len, I swear to God,” you nearly shouted in frustration, rising from your stool and handing off your dermal regenerator and PADD to the nurse behind you.

You stormed past every remaining red shirt, of which there weren’t many, and ignored the curious looks you received. Stepping into Leonard’s office, you slammed your hand down on the control panel beside the door and spun around to meet Jim’s wide eyes.

“Are you—”

“I thought you were going to give me time,” you said as you crossed your arms over your chest. Though it sent your heart into your stomach to even look at him, you kept your eyes on him and didn’t let your gaze waver— you needed to keep your resolve.

His eyebrows came together and you found yourself memorizing the crease on his forehead. “I have been.”

“Really?” you laughed without humor. “You think by not speaking to me but sending Len to do your bidding, you’re giving me time?” You nodded upwards, trying not to focus too long on the droop of his lips, the wetness of his eyes, the tension in his posture. “You think by having him talk about you, praise you, and make it seem like I’m in the wrong, you’re giving me time?”

“I didn’t tell him to do any of that,” he argued, setting his glass down and standing up so you could commit even his movements to memory. “I told him to leave you be.”

When you asked with a sarcastic snort, “You sure, Jim?” he found himself disliking the sound of his name in your voice for the first time. “Because I’ve never heard or seen propaganda quite like that.”

“Propagan—” he sighed out with a chuckle under his breath, he took a few steps towards you. “I wouldn’t ask him to say or do something to propagate myself, not when I feel like everything—” he sighed again. “Not when everything’s my fault.”

“You should know me better than that,” he added quietly, finally able to tear his eyes away from the horribly fallen look in yours.

“How can I know anything about you, Jim? For all I know, all of that giving me time, giving me space, giving me what I want could just be another way you manipulate me.” You looked away as well, wiping the skin under your eyes harshly. “Why should I believe anything you say to me anymore?”

“Because you know me, because it was a mistake, because I love you!”

“This isn’t how you love someone!” you shouted back, your voice cracking. “You should’ve told me— if not that morning, then any time after. You had so many opportunities.”

“Why would I have thought to do that? You would’ve—”

“I would’ve, what?” you asked, sniffling and wishing you hadn’t met his gaze again. “Said no? You could’ve just told me how you felt. I liked you a lot— it wouldn’t have taken much to convince me to go on a date.”

“You never gave me any indication of that.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to lie to get what you want.”

He nodded and took another step in your direction, continuing to do so as you both spoke. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”

“I know I’m right, I don’t need confirmation.” You almost smiled at his quiet snort. “You lied to me.”

“I know.”

“You don’t lie to people you love.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been heartbroken for two weeks,” you continued, shaking your head. “I haven’t been able to sleep, or eat, or breathe.”

He was right in front of you now, his warmth forcing the restlessness in your fingers to cease. “Neither have I.”

Your nostrils flared and you bit down on your bottom lip when another wave washed over you, your eyes welling up. Before you could help yourself, you fell into Jim and wrapped your arms around him. “Yeah, well, it was your fault.”

His arms wound around you instantly, holding you tight enough to knock the air from your lungs. He turned his face to bury it in the crook of your neck, the tension leaving his shoulders when your arms tightened. “I know.”

You sighed out and let your eyes shut when a soft tingle slid up your spine.

“I didn’t mean to manipulate you. I just couldn’t stand the idea of losing whatever chance I had with someone I’m so in love with.”

You nodded. “You still should have told me. Would’ve saved us from whatever this is.”

“I know.”

“I hate my new quarters.”

He laughed through his nose, this thumbs moving out of sync against the fabric of your uniform. “Move back.”

“I can’t.”

He pulled away and set his hands on either side of your face, his thumbs now gliding across your cheekbones. His blue eyes seemed to be pouring whatever he felt into you and you looked away before it became too much. “Why not?”

“Because I’m not doing this backwards nonsense anymore if I don’t have to.”

“Starlight, —”

You took a step back and away so his hands were by his side again. “I can’t be married to you anymore.”

PART 23

tag list: @feelmyroarrrr @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @webhoard @dirajunara @the-space-goddess-16@whiteandblackkeys @sugarshai @goodnightwife @anyakinamidala @iwillstaywiththemforever @majisean @bbparker @heyjess-marie@kirkaholic123@thepjofanqueen@buckybuckling@da1120 @dudahmautner@purelittleblueberry @insposcollective@our-chaoticwhispers@procrastinace @misbehaving146@thenextdoorangel @equineaddictx @sarkastodon@20th-centu-fairy-girl @arrowswithwifi @king4thesirens @theycallmerian @bakerstgirl @jehun-prouvaire @dwarvenstache@buckypetal15 @boldlywritingtrek @klance-mcclain @curiositywillbethedeathofme @kruemelmonszter-blog

[crushed-by-a-crush]

Rant about the last person who snapchatted me

Crushes are so annoying

I was sitting at my desk doing my chem homework, thinking about the electron configuration for copper when all of a sudden my friend texted me asking for help. Since I was also confused I texted my crush to ask for the answer. I let my friend know that I did this by saying I asked my boyfriend for help. She flipped out. She thought I had asked him out or something of the sort that would lead to us being in a relationship. 

Many of my close friends have told me that I should ask him if he likes me or ask him out or ask him who he likes but I haven’t got the courage to.

It all started this summer. 

We knew each other enough to have a streak but we weren’t super close. Many of our snap conversations consisted of him asking about my cat. One day it led to me asking if he wanted to meet my cat in return for him letting me film his motorcycle.

He came over for about an hour. We joked a bit, he petted my cat, I filmed him. It was just a normal, friendly interaction up until a joke I made.

I’ve always thought he was pretty cute and very sweet but I had never fully developed a crush on him because he had a girlfriend. 

As he was walking out the door I made a joke about his ex, which at the time I thought they were still dating. He then informed me that they had broken up a few weeks earlier a few days after their 6-month anniversary. I was silent, then quickly apologized. We walked up to his bike where I said goodbye only expecting to see him again if our friends threw a party, if not then the first day of school.

We continued to snap which lead to him wanting to dye my white cats tail pink.

He came over again the next week. 

At this point, a slight crush had developed.

While we were making the dye in my kitchen he asked if I knew the movie Howl’s Moving Castle. I screamed yes since it is one of my favorites. That’s where it all started.

From then on we have been having movie nights every/every other week. We’re having an ongoing Miyazaki movie marathon. Each time sitting shoulder to shoulder.

During the first movie night, which was at his house, we looked through each other’s phones. I was just getting over a previous crush so I still had some pictures on my phone of him. I quickly tried to delete them but had forgotten some that my friend had sneakily taken when they stole my phone. My new crush saw these pictures, acting as if that meant that I like him. I internally freaked out and denied it. After we were done hanging out I deleted the pics.

Inside jokes have formed. Similarities found. Crush has fully developed. 

For some reason, he wanted to see the movie It (2017) with me. He was originally going to see it with just me but he was invited by some friends and asked me to go along but I was busy. We made plans to see it the next week but he had to cancel because his mom made him stay home because he hadn’t finished all of his homework. One week later we were sitting in the theater, shoulder to shoulder, holding hands.

He had told me over snap that a gripping war was going to occur. I was ecstatic. He said that he had crushed his friend’s hand when he went before be he hesitated on telling me that it was his friend who is a girl’s hand. 

When we left the theater his friends picked him up. All guys, one of which is the person I sat next to in math. He made fun of me and him.

Last time we watched a movie together, he asked me to stay for dinner. He showed me around his house. He showed me everything he was proud of. It was adorable. He was hanging out with his friends after I left, which his dad didn’t know so he wanted to take us out for frozen yogurt. We looked at each other and giggled. Everyone had finished their plate and he looked at me and gestured with his eyes, indicating that we should leave his parents so we could be alone. We sat practically cheek to cheek on the couch showing each other things on our phones. Throughout the whole nights, his friends kept calling him, trying to hang out earlier. Finally, it was time for me to go and I made him promise to film his friend’s reaction when he told them who he was hanging out with. They made fun of him.

My birthday was a few months ago and he told me that he was making my present and wasn’t done with it yet. I was shocked. Any normal friend would just buy something that related to an inside joke. He gave my friend a gift card on her birthday. He eventually gave me the gift. It’s a small box he made out of recycled cardboard that's wrapped in grumpy cat gift wrap and normal wrap on the top with a small post-it saying “for best opening, please open box level to your nose.” He gave it to me in the back of my mom’s car after we went to corgi-con together. I opened the box slowly. Up popped a grumpy cat picture he had drawn with paws that rotated out of the box as you open it. The inner lid said Happy Birthday! It’s adorable. It must have taken a few hours to properly engineer the paws to open using the wire he did.

There's more but I’m tired and I feel like I have definitely written enough. 

All of my friends think he likes me but I’m not 100% sure. 

I might ask him who he likes soon.

I’ll update with the results.

[dontcallmehelpless]

13 Reasons Why (Daveed x Reader)

Sooooooo this took me literally forever to write, but I’m happy with the way it turned out!! Lil shoutout to Becca ( @angeilca-s ) helping me with some of the reasons ;) feedback would be lovely, and enjoy! 

Warnings: ANGST, swearing, it gets a little heated at one part but other than that I think it’s all good?

Words: 5447 (dang this took forever)

One - Constantly distracted

You mindlessly scraped the food around on your plate, your eyes glancing from the food up to your boyfriend, who obviously had something much more important than your three year anniversary on his phone.

“Babe, can you please put that away?” you hinted, glancing down at his phone when he looked up at you.

“Oh, yeah, mhm,” he nodded, sliding it into his back pocket and looking at you. That’s one of the many things that killed you, was the way he looked at you. No matter what you looked like, what you were doing, it didn’t matter. His chocolatey brown eyes bore into you like you put the stars in the sky and made the earth spin on its axis. You sighed and continued eating.

“Babygirl,” he strung out, letting the word slide right off his lips like music to your ears.

“Yes?” you responded, once again giving him your attention.

“I love you, I promise. So much,” he grinned, reaching over to take your hand. He rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand, something that you had always found calming.

“I love you too,” you replied, smiling back. It was a truly genuine smile. You couldn’t be more in love with the man sitting across from you.

Two - Coming home late

“I’m home,” you called out into your shared apartment. Daveed normally got home before you every day, so you weren’t expecting anything different. But when all you were welcomed with was emptiness and silence, you were a bit thrown off.

“D? You here?” you called again, only to be met with silence. You huffed, setting your things down and making a cup of tea. You had a stressful day at work, and all you wanted to do was cuddle and sleep. Kicking your heels off, you headed upstairs to change into some more comfortable clothes.

Once you had settled down onto the couch, fuzzy blanket and tv remote in hand, you flipped on Netflix, putting on old episodes of Gossip Girl. It ended up being more just background noise, as you fell asleep halfway through the second episode.

You were never a very heavy sleeper, which explained how you got woken up by the door closing, even though Daveed tried his hardest to be as quiet as possible. You sat up, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and stretching out a bit.

“D? That you?” you mumbled.

“Of course babygirl, now go back to sleep. I’ll be right here when you wake up,” he cooed, kissing your forehead and letting you curl up into his side. You were happiest in that position, feeling safe and warm. A smile spread across your face, only to be reciprocated by Daveed. He truly did love you, and he was trying his best to show that.

Three - Increased effort in appearance

Stumbling into the bathroom one morning, you found Daveed shaving. This was definitely something that happened often, but he was being quite particular this morning. The lines were smooth, the prickly hairs rubbing against your cheek as he kissed you good morning.

“Good morning my love, how did you sleep?” he asked, walking out of the bathroom and over to the ironing board, which was oddly out of place in the spare bedroom. You had put it in there a few months ago when you decided that it wasn’t used enough, and it had never been taken out since.

“Fine, what’s that for?” you questioned, nodding your head towards the board which had a light blue button-up laying across it.

“Oh, I’ve got a big meeting today with some producers. Gotta look the part,” he shrugged ever so slightly, slipping the shirt on. Tucking it in, he grabbed his phone and stuck it in his pocket before walking back over to you and pressing a passionate kiss to your lips.

“I love you babygirl, I’ll be home before dinner tonight,” he gave you a warm smile, which you couldn’t help but return.

“I can’t wait until then,” you called after him as he walked out the door, he waved back at you, before hopping into his car and driving down the street.

The house felt cold, almost, without Daveed here with you. It was a Saturday, which you had off, so he agreed to not work Saturdays either. Why he didn’t tell you about this meeting beforehand threw you off, but not as much as why he was putting in so much of an effort to look nice. You weren’t complaining, he obviously looked very handsome, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was up. Shrugging it off, you continued on with your day, the thought still nagging at the back of your mind.

Four - Change in music

Music flooded your ears as you walked into the kitchen, catching sight of your boyfriend making dinner. It was a wonderful thing to see, him acting like the spoon was a microphone, dancing around. When he noticed you watching him, he pulled you into it, twirling you around, earning a giggle from you. You couldn’t help but smile as he sang all of the words to you, staring into your eyes with his own. It was a song you didn’t recognize, but you still loved it nonetheless.

“Is this country?” you asked curiously, considering he never liked country music.

“Mhm,” he nodded, twirling you around once more. You cocked your head to the side and stared at him.

“Why are you listening to country? I thought you didn’t like it,” you questioned. He shrugged.

“I can’t like new music?” he said defensively, although he didn’t mean it that way. You went rigid, pulling away from him.

“Sorry for asking a goddamn question,” you muttered, slipping past him and into the living room.

“Wait, Y/N, I’ll change it. I’m sorry,” he pulled your arm, dragging you back into the kitchen. A small smile played at his lips, which you couldn’t help but return.

“I think you might like this song, can I play it?” he asked, not waiting for an answer before scrolling to find it on his phone.

Got a girl from the south side, got braids in her hair

First time I seen her walk by, man I ‘bout fell off my chair

Daveed serenaded you with the music, grabbing your arms and making you dance with him.

Had to get her number, it took me like six weeks

Now me and her go way back like Cadillac seats

He spun you to him and wrapped his arms around you, swaying back and forth along with the music.

Body like a back road, drivin’ with my eyes closed

I know every curve like the back of my hand

Doin’ 15 in a 30, I ain’t in no hurry

I’mma take it slow just as fast as I can

You laughed, watching Daveed get so into the song. Watching with adoration in your eyes, you pulled out your phone and recorded a video on snapchat.

“Y/N, delete thaaaat,” he dragged out the last word. You shook your head.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” you smiled, watching him pout and roll his eyes before pulling you into a kiss.

Five - Simultaneous cancellations

Y/BF/N: Sorry, I got called into work and I can’t make it to dinner tonight! So sorry, raincheck? xo

“Ugh, Y/BF/N cancelled. Again,” you sighed, rolling your eyes.

“I just want us to be able to go out with friends once in awhile, but she always cancels,” you crossed your arms, getting pissed that once again, she did this.

“It’s fine, we can just go out. I’ll call Oak and let him know we’re rescheduling,” he replied, kissing your cheek, before going to call Oak.

You finished getting ready, in a slightly better mood than before. Once you and Daveed were both ready, you got in his car and headed to a random restaurant across town.

You enjoyed spending time with just the two of you, however you were still irked that your best friend would just cancel on you again.

Suddenly, Daveed’s phone rang, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“I’m sorry babe, I’ve gotta take this,” he said, squeezing your hand before excusing himself from the table. You absentmindedly played with your food, waiting for him to return. After a few minutes, he rushed back inside.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, but something came up with the recordings, you know how they had to be submitted by last Friday, right?” You nodded.

“Well one of the tracks is missing. Just, like, up and disappeared. So we need to go back in and record it now if we want it to be on the album,” he continued, pulling on his jacket.

“I’m getting a ride from the guys, they’re on their way now. You good to meet me at home later?” he asked, glancing up from his wallet where he was pulling out two twenties to pay for dinner.

“Yeah, go get that taken care of,” you smiled, letting him know it was okay.

“Okay, great. I’ll see you later,” he kissed you once, forcefully, yet passionately, before running out the door.

“I love you!” you called after him, but he was already out the door.

Six - Newfound defensiveness and secretiveness

“Hey babe, how was work today?” you asked your boyfriend as he entered the living room, only to find you sprawled out across the couch.

“Fine,” he replied curtly. You squinted your eyes slightly and cocked your head, not sure why the short reply. You shrugged it off, figuring it was nothing major.

“That’s it? Just fine? Normally you can go on and on about your day, Will did this, John did-”

“Okay? And that’s every other day. Today it was just fine. Anything wrong with that?” he snapped, his jaw tensed and his shoulders back.

“No, just asking,” you went back to watching Supernatural, wondering why he was being so defensive all of a sudden. You heard a sigh from behind you, before a pair of hands rested on your shoulders. Daveed started rubbing them, and you let your head roll back.

“I’m sorry, it’s just a little more than I thought it would be. Nothing too bad though,” he replied, but you still felt that sense of cold.

You sighed, getting a little fed up.

“You good?” wondered Daveed out loud, noticing your tense position.

“Mhm,” you nodded, although it wasn’t too convincing. He raised an eyebrow.

“What’s on your mind? There’s gotta be something,” he pushed, sitting up a little straighter.

“What has gotten into you lately? You’ve been… different. Weird. I don’t know,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair.

“I’ve been busy with work. You already know this,” he grumbled. You could practically feel the tension in the air surrounding the two of you.

“No, I don’t. What’s got you so much busier than usual? Your last album didn’t require this much overtime, so what’s going on? The staying out later, always being on your phone, leaving when we’re spending time together… What’s more important than to you than our relationship?” your voice cracked at the end, tears welling up in your eyes. Daveed’s face faltered, and you could see the hurt evident in his big brown eyes.

That hurt was quickly replaced with rage.

“Since when do you feel the need to know my every move? What’s next? A tracker in my phone? Huh?” he stood up, waving his hands around as he yelled.

“Maybe if you just told me and didn’t lie I wouldn’t be asking questions!”

“Well maybe I can have my own life without someone knowing every single thing,” he spat, turning around and walking out of the room. You shook your head, tears falling freely down your face.

“Fuck you!” you yelled after him.

When you got no response, you sank to the ground, pulling your knees to your chest.

Why?

Seven - Anxious when together

“I’m just saying, they should have a drive thru at movie theaters so you can just go buy the popcorn,” you laughed, arguing about random nonsense with Daveed on your way home from the mall.

“Okay, whatever you say,” he rolled his eyes playfully, earning a soft punch in the arm from you.

“So what are we doing now?” you asked, glancing out towards the horizon where the sun was setting.

“Oh, uh, I don’t know. Whatever you wanna do,” he shrugged.

“Okay… How about we just go walk along the beach? We haven’t done that in so long,” you suggested, only to get a shrug and a slight nod in response.

“Or not,” you added after being replied with silence. Daveed shook his left leg at a constant pace, waiting for the light to turn green. You turned to the side to look at him, studying his beautiful face for a few moments.

He seemed more tired than he usually did, his eyes not as bright with bags underneath. He was holding your hand, but it almost seemed like he wasn’t really holding it, just letting it lay there.

“Babe? Are you okay?” you pulled him out of his thoughts after the light had been green for a few seconds. He snapped out of it, looking around before proceeding through the intersection. He nodded in response to your question.

“Yeah, I’m just worried about the album. What if the fans don’t like it? What if it totally fails?” he worried, pulling his hand away from yours to run it through his hair. You put your hand on his leg, rubbing it comfortingly, only to have him tense up underneath your touch. You slowly pulled your hand away.

“They’ll love it, they always do. You sure that’s it?” you questioned once more, and he gulped and nodded, almost too quickly. You didn’t say anything else, just stared out at the road, waiting for him to say something.

He didn’t say anything that night until before you went to bed. He muttered goodnight, trudging up the stairs and into your bedroom, leaving you alone on the couch in the living room.

Eight - Encouraging spending time with others

“So because I have to go to another meeting today, I was thinking maybe you could go out for a girls’ day with Pippa and Jasmine. You’re always talking about how much you miss them, so you should go have fun,” Daveed rambled on, the sun shining brightly through the windows on a Saturday morning. You snorted, holding back a laugh.

“Since when do you suggest girls’ days?” you asked, chuckling to yourself.

“Since I think you deserve to have fun. You can spend time with people other than me ya know,” he said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“I’m aware. I’m just curious as to why you feel this way all of a sudden,” you wondered.

“Because I have a meeting, and it’s not good for you to spend all this time inside. Get outside! Go have fun, please. You deserve to be happy,” he made sure he had everything before grabbing the car keys and opening the door.

“Okay, okay. I guess I’ll go,” you laughed, a sound that was music to Daveed’s ears. He smiled at you before shutting the door and leaving you to go about your day.

Nine - Emotional distancing

Soft sobs echoed their way through your apartment, meeting your ears as you entered the room.

“D? Babe? What’s wrong?” you called, setting your things down and racing off to find him. You searched everywhere, the living room, kitchen, bedroom, when finally you opened the bathroom door to find Daveed with his hands resting on the counter, his head lowered. Tears were running off of his face, and it was very evident that something was wrong.

“Babe, what’s wrong? You know you can tell me,” you repeated, pulling him into a hug. He pushed you away, eyes glancing in your direction as you stumbled back.

“Wh-what, is everything okay?” you composed yourself, trying to keep it together for Daveed’s sake.

“Yes. Please leave,” he told you, his voice rough from crying.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong,” you countered, crossing your arms since he wouldn’t let you comfort him.

“Leave. Now,” he said through gritted teeth. You did as you were told, figuring he just needed some space before explaining the situation to you.

But as the days, soon weeks, passed, you began to grow nervous. He was still shutting you out, offering no explanation as to what had happened.

You were hanging out with Jasmine at her and Anthony’s apartment one day, gossiping and laughing, just like it used to be.

“So how are you and Daveed?” asked Jasmine.

“No kids anytime soon, right? I don’t really wanna have to babysit,” Anthony added, wrinkling his nose. You rolled your eyes at the childish gesture before turning back to Jasmine.

“Actually, he’s been a little distant lately. He won’t tell me what’s going on,” you leaned back against the couch, stirring your drink with the little straw inside.

“Well you know everything that’s going on with his mom, right?” she asked, your eyes widening.

“No? What? Why wouldn’t he tell me? What’s going on?” you bombarded her with questions, standing up and pacing around the room, one of Daveed’s little quirks that you had picked up on over the years.

“Y/N, his mom’s sick. They don’t know what caused it, but she’s been in the hospital for over a month,” Anthony said, pulling you into a hug along with Jasmine. You let your tears out, clutching onto Anthony’s shirt like you would never touch anything again.

“Why wouldn’t he tell me?” you sobbed, thinking about all of the wonderful times you had with her. You two got along extremely well, having the same views on many different political topics as well as on everyday things. You had spend many holidays helping her cook, clean, and making sure everything was perfect.

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask him again? Don’t bring it up directly, just make sure everything is okay,” Jasmine said, rubbing your back. Anthony nodded in agreement, and you pulled them both into a tight hug, muttering thank yous to both of them.

“Everything’s still okay, right?” you asked Daveed later that night, sitting next to him in bed. He nodded, pulling you into his arms.

“That’s good, how’s your mom doing?” As soon as the words left your lips, Daveed tensed up.

“Who told you?” he stammered, narrowing his eyes.

“Jasmine and Anthony. Although, if you didn’t keep secrets from me, I wouldn’t have had to find out from them or bring it up like this to you,” you ranted, keeping your voice level as to not turn this into a full-blown argument.

“Did you ever think that maybe I can deal with my own problems? I don’t need to burden other people with them, like some people do. Like you,” he scoffed, getting up to walk downstairs.

“Oh, I burden other people? If anything, you’re burdening me with the worry of never knowing what’s going on, or if you’re okay, or if you need anything,” you spat, standing up as well.

“I’m sick of this. I’m sick of you,” he pointed his finger, letting it hit your chest, before grabbing a pillow and walking out of the room.

“Where are you going?” you called after him, walking to the edge of the door.

“I’m sleeping downstairs, I don’t need to be questioned for every move I make,” he remarked, before walking away.

You were left standing in the doorway, not knowing what to think or do, you slowly made your way back to the bed, where you laid down on your back and stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out where everything went wrong.

Ten - Stops doing special things

Your hips grinded against Daveed’s, a moan escaping his lips. You took this opportunity to slip your tongue in his mouth, fighting for dominance. You eventually let him win, but mainly because he squeezed your ass, causing a squeal to escape your throat, allowing him to take over with his tongue. He pressed wet, open-mouthed kisses across your jawline, down your neck and to your collarbone.

“Daveed,” you whined, wriggling in his grip.

“What babygirl?” he asked, bringing a hand up to your breast and squeezing, causing you to moan his name breathily.

“I-I need you,” you choked out, getting up and wasting no time in pulling him into the bedroom. As soon as the door was shut behind you, you quickly pulled off your shirt before attaching your lips to his, your hands roaming down his back and across his toned chest and stomach.

Moving your mouths in sync, you both managed to get over to the bed, Daveed lying down first, with you straddling his hips. You didn’t let your lips part at all, with the exception of the short gasps of breath you both desperately needed. You allowed your hands to roam his body, from his abs, to his abundance of curls, to his hips. As his hands roamed around you, his fingertips felt like they left fire across your skin, sending sparks flying with every touch. You fumbled with his belt buckle, pulling it open before pulling his jeans down to his ankles, where he kicked them off. He did the same with your shorts, wasting no time bringing a hand inside your underwear.

“Daveed,” your breath hitched in your throat when he slipped a finger inside of you, toying with you ever so slowly.

“Hm? What was that?” he questioned, his cocky demeanor taking over.

“Please fuck me, like right now,” you practically begged him, but he only stopped. He pulled his pants back on, mumbling things under his breath to himself.

“Wha-what was that?” you stuttered, slightly shocked that he just stopped. Normally he was all into this kind of stuff, so why was tonight any different?

“I just, I, uh, I’m not in the mood,” he said sheepishly, but you could see right through it.

“Bullshit, Daveed,” you accused, gathering your clothes and slipping them on as you walked out of the room.

“What? What’s so wrong with that?” he asked, getting defensive.

“What’s wrong is the fact that you’re lying to me, and I can see right through it,” you spat, yanking the door open and slamming it in his face, leaving him dumbfounded right in your entryway.

Eleven - Doesn’t answer certain phone calls

Things had been going smoothly with Daveed for the most part. Sure, you’d had your fair share of fights over the past few months, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.

You both were finally off together for once, and you decided to take advantage of it and get dressed up and go out to dinner and a movie. It couldn't be more cliche, but you loved it nonetheless. As you twirled around your room, you and Daveed both getting ready, you sang along with the music blasting from Spotify on his phone. Your music taste varied greatly, from rapping clipping. songs to singing along with Moana.

However, you were in the middle of a verse in Wriggle (which Daveed found insanely attractive when you rapped and moved your hips with the beat) when you were so rudely interrupted by the music stopping and his phone ringing.

He walked over to see who it was, and once he saw the screen his eyes widened and he hurriedly ended the call.

“Who was it babe?” you asked, wrapping your arms around him from behind. He turned around in your embrace, hugging you back.

“No one important. Let's just finish getting ready,” he gave you a smile, his eyes twinkling when he looked at you. You still melted a little when he looked at you like that, but it wasn't something you expected to go away anytime soon.

Not long after, his phone rang again.

“Really? It must be important if they're calling you again. Go on, answer it,” you waved your hand towards his phone that was lying on the bed.

“It's nothing, really. Don't worry about it,” he pecked your lips, continuing to get ready.

“Who was it anyways? I know that if I called someone twice if they didn't answer, it would be for an important reason,” you pressed, not because you were nosy, just because you were generally curious.

“No one. Drop it,” hissed Daveed, defensiveness once again taking over his demeanor.

“I won’t drop it until you tell me who it is,” you argued, crossing your arms and standing in front of him.

“Since when do you need to know my every move? God, every waking moment I spend with you, all you do is cling onto my side like a child! I can’t ever get any space to myself! I might as well introduce you as ‘Hi, I’m Daveed Diggs, and this is my 6 year old daughter, Y/N’” he spat, raising his voice ever so slightly. His words dripped with venom, but it was something you were used to by now.

“I’m childish! Maybe I wouldn’t be like that if you just paid attention to me for once! All of your effort is put into your work. I might as well just be a maid, living here, cleaning up after you, taking care of you. It’s like I work in a goddamn nursing home with a 35 year old man! I do everything for you!” you screamed, letting all hell break loose as the words flew out of your mouth and hit Daveed straight across the face.

As you finished, you were breathing heavily, and Daveed stood on the side of the room with an apologetic look on his face. Tears were threatening to spill over, and you knew he saw that too.

He cautiously stepped towards you, watching your eyes. You shook your head and backed away from him.

“I can’t…” your voice broke, as you slowly stepped back, before turning around and rushing out of the room.

Twelve - Blackouts

Your situation with Daveed hadn’t gotten any better over the course of the past few weeks. You tried, but you couldn’t have a one-sided effort. You were planning on talking to him about it once he got home from work, but he wasn’t back at 4, like he normally was.

You played it off, thinking he was just running behind, finishing up some new verses or recording another part differently.

An hour passed, and you paced around the kitchen, worrying about all of the places he could be. You figured he had just gone out for drinks with the guys and not told you, that’s happened before.

Another 2 hours passed, and still no texts, no phone calls, no physically there Daveed. You were starting to think something bad had happened. What if he got in a car crash? What if he was thinking about the awful things you said to him and he got in an accident? Your pacing became quicker, the glass you were holding in your hand shaking.

You tried to take your mind off of things by watching some sappy movie, but it only made you feel worse about the whole situation. You tried to go to sleep, but you just tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep for more than a few minutes. Finally, at around 3:30am, you got up to get some water. You rubbed your eyes, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a glass.

Once it was filled, you turned around to take a drink only to be met by Daveed standing in the doorway. The glass slipped from your hand and shattered across the floor, but you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Jumping over the glass, you ran over him and hugged him as tightly as you could. You wrapped your legs around his waist and buried your face in his neck, breathing in his scent.

“I was so worried, I thought something happened, I didn’t know where-” you rambled, only to be cut off.

“I’m sorry, I was out. My phone died,” he stated plainly.

“That’s it? You were out? That’s all I get?” you asked. He shrugged.

“No big deal,” he said, starting over to clean up the pieces of broken glass.

“No big deal? Daveed I thought you were dead in a ditch somewhere,” you croaked, looking at him with sad eyes.

“I’m here now, aren’t I? I’m fine, don’t worry,” he kissed your forehead before continuing.

“I’m going to bed,” you said vaguely, trudging up the stairs.

“G’night,” he called after you, but the door was already shut.

Thirteen

Coming home from work was one of the few things you looked forward to. All you wanted to do was curl up in some sweats and fuzzy socks and watch Gossip Girl while eating ice cream.

Starting up the stairs to your front door, you were surprised to find it already unlocked. Upon opening it, you didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, meaning Daveed must already be home. This didn’t happen often, he had been working later a lot of the time lately.

“Daveed?” you called out into the house.

“Coming,” he called back, stumbling down the stairs in a pair of sweats and no shirt. You raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to look down at himself.

“Oh, uh, surprise?” he said, but it came out more like a question.

“I’m sorry, I’m not really in the mood,” you sighed, heading towards the stairs.

“Wait!” Daveed grabbed your arm and pulled you back, taking you by surprise.

“What? Need help with something?” you chuckled, glancing down.

“What? God, no, how about we stay down here for a little bit?” he said, giving you one of his mile-wide grins.

“We can right after I change out of these clothes,” you said, wiggling out of Daveed’s grip and starting towards the stairs. You noticed a burgundy scarf lying on the bottom step. Picking it up, you turned to Daveed.

“What’s this?” you asked, knowing you didn’t own anything like it.

“It’s, uh, it’s a little gift to say I’m sorry,” he quickly thought, although you didn’t buy it.

“Then why does it smell like floral perfume? You know I don’t wear that,” you countered, taking a step towards him. He seemed to shrink back, shuffling backwards.

“I, uh, it was my mom’s! Yeah,” his voice turned up and the end, raising more suspicion.

“Oh, okay, well I’m just gonna go change…” you trailed off, shaking off the weird feeling and jumping the steps two at a time.

“Y/N wait,” he called after you again, but it was too late.

All it took was 3 seconds.

One to turn around.

One to open the door.

And one more to be met with a girl lying in your shared bed.

Not just any girl either, but your best friend.

You felt the tears drip down your face and onto your shirt before you even noticed you were crying. Briskly wiping the tears away, you whipped around to face Daveed.

“You,” the word broke you, it all becoming too real.

There was always a nagging thought in the back of your head that he would find someone better. Someone skinnier, someone smarter, someone prettier. He always pushed that off with a ‘I love you and only you, I always will’.

You never thought that the person he replaced you with would be your best friend.

It felt as if there was a ton of bricks dropped on your chest, like you were underwater trying so desperately to reach the surface only to have the air slip farther and farther away.

You were shaking, your lungs feeling like they were on fire. You sharply took in a breath, shaking your head at Daveed.

“I give you everything. I do everything for you, and this is what I get in return?” you ask helplessly.

“Look, Y/N, I know you’re upset but-”

“But what? What could you possibly have to say?”

“I still love you,” he croaked, his voice breaking.

“If you loved me, you wouldn’t have broken me,” you countered, shaking your head.

You stumbled backwards towards the door, rushing to get outside as fast as you could. You still couldn’t breathe, tears blurring your vision. You slammed the door, sliding down the front side of it until you were sitting, head in your hands, shaking and sobbing. He broke you.

Three years managed to get thrown away in three seconds, all because of thirteen reasons.

[fanficimagery]

Anonymous said: The recent fic is so cute btw! can you do one w/ cheerleader y/n +jeff everyone knows about them. A cheerleader is still making subtle moves despite y/n politely confronting her and jeff politely brushing her off. Jessica + Sheri are y/n's support when it gets toxic in practice/games. Justin & Zach is also friends with y/n bc of jess and knows the situation. Once the jocks are together and some cheerleaders approach and the girl is at it again. Justin helps by passively trying to make her stop.

Author's Note: Can you tell I was in a foul mood when writing this? I skipped passed polite and went straight for the jugular. Sort of o.O I'm so sorry, anon. I really shouldn't let my moods get the best of me.

JEFF X READER

"Alright, girls, that's it for today. Great job!" Sheri applauds you and the other cheerleaders on a job well done. 

Everyone's tired and sore, but the workout over learning a new routine feels good in a way that really shouldn't and leaves everyone smiling. You and Jessica bump shoulders as you sidle up to one another, linking arms and skipping over to Sheri.

"Hey, Sheri-berri, we still on for tonight?" You ask.

"I don't know, Y/N, are we?" She smirks. "You're the one who always cancels when Jeff shows up."

"Which is like.. all the time," Jessica grins.

"It is not!" You deny, laughing and shoving Jessica away from you.

"Is too."

"No. It's not."

"Yep. Sure is," Sheri smirks. "I never delete our group chat, so I can bring up and count how many times you've canceled if you'd like."

You scowl. "You guys are assholes."

"Ooh. Who's an asshole?" Arms wrap around you from behind, a chin settling on your shoulder and you cringe.

"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," Jessica snorts.

"Babe, nooo," you groan and try to wiggle out of Jeff's grasp. "I'm all sweaty."

"Mmm. Just the way I like you then." He nips there at the crook of your neck and you squeal.

Jessica and Sheri just smile at the two of you, chuckling as you manage to break free and you two start trading swats back and forth as squabbling children would.

"You guys are too cute," Jessica coos. "Now knock it off."

"Seriously," you reach in to pinch Jeff's side before ducking out of reach. "No. I'm all gross."

"Well, she's not wrong," a voice chirps. Your playful mood instantly vanishes and you glance over at Letty, another fellow cheerleader as she saunters by with a few of her friends. "Jeffrey, cutie, when you're ready for a real good time give me a call."

Jeff snorts and clamps his lips shut, glancing up and away from the meddlesome girl as you sneer and take a step in front of him as if shielding him from her view. 

"Really, Letty? Did you have to go there?" Sheri sighs. "You've been politely told to back off how many times now?"

"Five," you huff. "And don't mind her, Sheri. All skanks need to get dick somehow, even if it means moving in on another girl's boyfriend."

Letty and her friends gasp, eyes wide in disbelief of what you've just said. "Sheri!" She complains. "Did you hear what she said? As Captain, you should hand down some form of disciplinary action."

"Oh, blow me," you scoff. Jeff barks out a startled laugh, draping himself along your back while simultaneously walking you backwards and away from any sort of confrontation that might break out.

"Keep walking, Letty," Jessica muses. "Or else there's gonna be a bitch fight and no one's gonna really fault Y/N for smacking you around since you keep hitting on her boyfriend. Give it up already. Jeff isn't interested in anyone that isn't his main squeeze," she says while gesturing towards you.

Letty glares at Jessica, but ultimately looks back to your Captain. Sheri has trouble herself to keep from laughing, but in the end all she does is shrug her shoulders. "If I punish Y/N, you'll be punished alongside her for intentionally riling her up."

Annoyed because she didn't get her way, Letty huffs and actually stomps her foot before continuing on. You sag against Jeff, your annoyance still too high to properly speak with your friends. Jessica and Sheri fall against each other, cackling, once Letty is out of the gym.

"Aw, man, what'd we miss?" Zach complains as he and Justin come up to you guys. He takes one look at you and it's like a light bulb goes off over his head. "Wait. Don't tell me. Letty."

Your glower turns to him. "We do not speak that name." Zach smirks, knowing full well something happened.

"Y/N put the verbal smack down on Jeff's biggest fan," Sheri tells him. "It was golden."

"Dammit," Justin chuckles. "We always miss the good stuff."

"Yeah, well stick around, babe," Jessica says. "I have a feeling Letty's only going to keep coming back for more."

A couple days later, you're sitting with your friends plus some of the other jocks outside during lunch. Justin and Monty were curious as to what the new cheers sounded like, and they had somehow managed to wrangle you, Jessica and Sheri to give them a preview. Zach catcalled and Jeff only encouraged them.

So as you three gathered around, a few of the other cheerleaders lingering around outside ran over to join you. You clapped and cheered, and you and Sheri threw in a few somersaults and cartwheels for good measure. 

The boys applaud like crazy and even as you retake your seat, you can't stop laughing at the impromptu pep rally you basically put on for those sitting outside. As you re-settle next to Jeff and Jessica next to Justin who was sitting next to you, Zach snorts and gestures to your right.

"Head's up. Here comes drama."

You groan aloud, but don't bother looking in drama's direction. "Keep her away from me. I've already been verbally reprimanded by the Cheer Coach since Letty and her petty squad narked on me. One more strike and I'm benched for the next game."

"Jeffrey..!"

"Fuck cheer," you grumble the moment after the sound of Letty's grating voice. "I'm gonna knock her into next week."

You move to stand, but both Jeff and Justin grab you by the shoulders and push you back down.

Letty and her usual squad of three other cheerleaders walk up to the group outside. Sheri's the only one to greet them with a smile, Monty too but that's because he's Monty, and you clench your jaw to keep from saying something you shouldn't.

"Jeffrey, babe, I'm still waiting on that call," Letty smirks.

"You know what!" You snap, but Jeff laughingly clamps a hand over your mouth and Justin stands up next to you. 

"You know what, Letty?" Justin says instead. "Desperation isn't a pretty look on you. You've known for months now that Jeff and Y/N have been together, and yet you still try and throw yourself at him. Why?"

Being addressed by Justin has Letty gaping and it takes her a few moments to gather her wits. "Everyone knows it won't last. I'm just trying to let him know I'm available."

"Justin," you grit out. "Get her away from here before I drag her around school grounds by her hair."

He laughs, but he moves away from the table and Jessica takes his seat. "Calm down, girl. Justin and Monty are steering them away."

Then when Justin and Monty's combined voices get further and further away, you relax just a bit and sag against Jeff. He laughs. "Why do you let her get under your skin so much? You know I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," you mumble. "I just really, really dislike her." The rest of the table's occupants all chuckle and you groan. "Ha ha. Laugh it up, but the joke's on you guys. Now you all have to feed me to put me in a better mood."

[evangelene]

Delete Voicemail?

Summary: Ok or Cancel?

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. GO FIND SOME FLUFF SOMEWHERE ELSE AFTER THIS–COOL? COOL.

Two days after your high school graduation, Jungkook proposed to you.

Granted, it was with a plastic ring sprayed with a flaking silver paint and tucked inside–an equally as cheaply made–plastic egg with a bright yellow bottom. He’d put three coins into one of those horrible, half broken, children’s toy machines and presented you his new treasure by getting down on one knee. At first, you’d laughed; Jungkook was always joking, so it had to be a prank. Who would propose to their high school sweetheart right there, in the middle of a busy street, when both knew their plans were about as solid as the sand at the beach they were heading to.  

But, when he jerked his chin towards your hand and continued to stare at you as if waiting, you could only feel all of the blood rush to your face, ears and brain as he spoke those three words you would never forget.

“Marry me, YN.” It wasn’t a question because he already knew the answer–he always found the answers to life so quickly; it was one of his many talents. Sometimes his greatness infuriated you when you wanted to be right too, but that moment was not one of them. You couldn’t even get the words out properly before he was sliding the shitty ring onto your finger.

Honestly, it was really ugly–complete with a fake jewel that had part of its coloring scratched off to reveal even more plastic. It felt incredibly rough and scratchy and was just a terrible thing to call jewelry; but it made you laugh and you couldn’t help but love it. Then your mind took over.

“Jungkook…you’re…you’re going to travel the world, go places, see things, meet new people–We can’t.” You tried to take it off but his hand was over yours, keeping it on your finger. “We can’t.”

He only stood up and chuckled, curling you into his arms. He knew you were panicking, that your mind was spinning too fast for him to catch so, instead, he smothered it into thinking about him and only him. He was good with you that way; he helped quiet the parts of yourself that needed to calm and follow your heart from time to time. “Yes, we can.” He murmured into your hair, starting to sway side to side with you still wrapped tightly against his chest.

“Don’t you love music?” His sweater swallowed up your words–you didn’t know if he heard you or not. “Aren’t you going to leave this place? Leave me?”

His swaying turned to rocking, calmly as if he had all the time in the world to soothe you even though he should have been packing for his first (of many) trips to his new apartment in Seoul. “I do love music, but you are my entire universe–not just my world. Come with me, Y/N, come with me to Seoul–we’ll get married, I’ll become famous and we can get whatever apartment/house/mansion we want, we’ll have kids, a dog or seven, whatever you want we’ll have it all. But I can’t live without you in my life, so if you choose to stay then…then…”

Your fists curled into his sweater. “I don’t know what I want to do with my life, but I’m not going to be the reason you don’t reach for your dreams.” You tilted your head up so your chin rest on his chest and your eyes met his. “Who do I want to be, Jungkook?”

He was still rocking you, lulling you into a rhythm that had both your breathing and the beat of your heart in check. “I can’t decide your life for you, Y/N. I would love it if you came with me, but your whole life is here. All I can tell you is that there are so many opportunities in Seoul, and, if you don’t like it, I will follow you wherever you decide to go. I will never leave you, even if you hate me–you’re my one and only, Y/N.”

You hid your face in his collar to hide your blush, but your ears gave you away–you could almost feel his bunny grin on the side of your face. “How could a girl ever say no to you?”

Your father adjusted your veil one last time before linking his arm through yours. He gave you that sad, old man smile of his and quickly wiped a fleck of something off your cheek. “I’m so proud of you.” He stared at you like you were going to suddenly become a different person by sliding a ring on your finger. “That man–I hope that man knows he’s getting a true treasure.”

You bit your lip, nodding as you swallowed down everything inside of you that was screaming–howling, shaking, hurting, trying to make your legs feel less like rubber and more like legs with bones and flesh. The music muffled behind the large doors of the church kept you sane. “I’m still me.” You whispered. “I’ll always be me.”

His eyes said he didn’t believe it, that you haven’t been you for a long time. But he only gave you that same sad smile of his and opened the doors.

The carpet leading up to the place where your future husband and the pastor stood was absolutely littered with flowers. Taehyung’s tiny cousin really was hard to control sometimes–she tended to get overexcited, which explained how there were a shit ton of petals draping the first half of the carpet, only to leave a couple lone petals barely trailing you to your fiancé.

Your father stepped first, slightly jerking you forward before you finally followed to match his steps. As you tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, you caught a good look at Jungkook. In his awestruck gaze you were reminded of all the times he said he loved you–even from this distance, you could feel him telling you how beautiful you were, how sorry he was, how he loved you and needed you more than plants needed sun. There was so much emotion in those eyes of his that, for a moment, you forgot that he was sitting in the first row of empty pews, directly in front of your husband-to-be.

Taehyung grinned at you as you strode towards him, reaching out to take your arm that your father offered up. With the best smile-turned-grimace that you could manage, you stepped up alongside him.

“Y/N?” Taehyung approached slowly; your best friend for so long was so fucking afraid of you or himself–it was impossible to tell. You always knew that he harbored feelings for you, unlike those shitty romance novels that Jungkook liked to buy just so he could read them out loud and annoy you, you were not oblivious. Taehyung had loved you from the moment that Jungkook introduced you to all of his friends in Seoul–but it was a quiet kind of love. Taehyung was perfectly content with just being able to see you smile and be the second in command when it came to the hierarchy of your love and attention. But now, now he sounded like he was going to implode from either anger or sorrow–the strong Taehyung that held you on nights when you fought with Jungkook, the Taehyung who always brought you back into the direction that your heart pointed in, the Taehyung that never once tried to steal you from the person you claimed to love forever, that Taehyung was just as lost as the girl who said yes to Jungkook and his 75 cent ring.

You couldn’t take your eyes off the grass, the park bench chilling the back of your thighs.

“Hey.” He murmured, moving like you might either bite him or break out into wailing sobs–either would have satisfied you for a moment before reality kicked in.

“What do you want, Taehyung? Why are you doing this?” Your voice broke as it rose in volume, but you were past the point of being able to stop it. “Why are you here? Why do you keep following me? How do you even begin to think that you can fix me?”

“You’re hurting.” His voice was just as broken as yours, just as shattered into pieces that melted the anger in your heart and allowed you to scoot over so he could sit next to you. “I won’t leave you alone when you’re hurting like this.”

“You’re hurting too.” You murmured. “Jungkook hurt you too.”

But Taehyung wasn’t like you, nor was he like Jungkook. He didn’t get angry or defensive; he didn’t try to shove you into his arms so he could make everything better instantly, even if it was only for that moment. No, Taehyung was better at longevity; he let you come to him instead of holding onto you until the pieces were glued back together. He didn’t try to take your hand or give you a hug that would last a century; you knew he wanted to, you could feel it in his aura, but he stayed in his lane. You remembered when Taehyung used to be such a hugger–he used to pick you up the moment you entered the boys’ dorm in a bear hug that had your feet lifting off the floor.

You hadn’t had one of those in weeks.

“You know, I’ve always loved you, Y/N. Even now, even as I am and as you are. I still love you.”

You imagined a ledge before you, Taehyung desperately clinging to your arm in the hopes that you wouldn’t keep getting closer to it. “What do you think I’m going to do?” Your voice was a whisper. “I don’t plan on jumping off any tall buildings. Jungkook–Jungkook would hate himself if I did that.”

“He’s gone, Y/N. He left you all alone here in a place that you have only lived in for about a year–a place that you still don’t entirely know all the ins and outs to. Seoul is huge, and Jungkook abandoned you in it. Let me…let me just be here with you right now, okay? You don’t have to love me now–or ever–but just, just lean on me. I–I will lean back when you’re strong enough to hold my weight.”

You lifted your chin, the tears breaking past your waterline and spilling down your cheeks. “How do you make this pain go away? How–how could he do this to me?”

Taehyung, upon seeing you crumble in front of his eyes, brushed his sleeve across his face so you wouldn’t have to see him cry with you. “I don’t know, Y/N. I don’t know. Jungkook is the one with the answers, not me.”

Taehyung gripped your hands in his–a compassionate gesture for him and a show of ownership to Jungkook. Your eyes met his over Tae’s shoulder you could see his lips twitch in their smile. Taehyung was warm in your grip, and you loved that about him; he had always been your personal heater–he had always made you warm even when you felt that it was impossible to be anything but cold.

But he wasn’t and would never be Jungkook.

You didn’t want to meet his gaze again, but not five seconds later you found yourself matching his stare. He was shaking his head, jerking his chin to Taehyung, but all you could focus on was the regret in his eyes, the way he couldn’t look away from you even when he tried to.

You had to bite down on your tongue to stop the tears.

The second Jungkook stepped into your apartment (still completely trashed with half empty boxes and belongings strewn practically everywhere) he swept you off your feet, making sure to spin you so fast you saw stars–but not fast enough to hurt you. He was good with that; every movement of his was carefully measured when it came to you. His lips were on your forehead, kissing down to your eyelids, your cheeks, whatever he could reach in the amount of time it took him to get dizzy.

“You did it.” You grinned at him on a laugh, clinging to him for fear that either you or he would go crashing to the ground with his sudden stop. “You really did it–I always knew that you would make it big. Jungkook, you’re amazing; it’s about time that everyone else finally saw it too.”

He bent down to press his forehead against yours, staring at you so close you could feel his breath on your face and the intensity of his gaze in your skull. “It’s because you’re here–I couldn’t do any of this without you, Y/N.”

Breathlessly, you let out a puff of embarrassed giggles. “Always. I’ll only ever love you, Jungkook.”

Taehyung pulled his vows from his pocket, one hand still clinging to yours as if to say that he wasn’t going anywhere–ever. He was there; he was going to be there. Taehyung was never going to hurt you–that was what his fingers told you and that was what you believed lie in the warmth of his skin. That was what you had to believe, even as you peered over his shoulder at Jungkook.

Jungkook balled his fists on his thighs, the longing in his gaze breaking through the warmth of Taehyung’s hand and chilling your skin. He’d had his chance–you, you’d had your chance with him; you blew it big time, and now this emptiness was the price to pay.

“In a week.” Your fingers traced his skin as you mumbled into his chest; sleep half taking you while the excitement of next week kept you conscious. “We’re getting married in a week.”

His arm rose up from the depths of the sheets on the bed to wrap around you, holding you tighter against his chest just so you could hear his heartbeat, rooting you in the safety of all that was Jungkook. His humming vibrated your chest as he used his free hand to toy with your hair while his other rubbed circles into your shoulder. “You know, I never thought that I would get married–not even when we first started dating. You know? Like, I thought you were a great catch and absolutely wonderful, but the more I got to know you–the more I fell in love–the more I discovered that there would never be anyone else after you. I discovered that I wanted to make a legally permanent bond with someone; I wanted someone–you–to know that I was only ever going to spend eternity with you and no one else.”

Your lips found his collarbone, leaving a mark of your tinted chapstick on his skin. “I knew from the moment I met you that there was only you–from that first kiss after we chased down your runaway dog, I knew that I wanted to marry you.”

He shifted his head to get a better glance at the plastic dress keeper in the walk-in closet. “It’s beautiful. The dress–and you too. I can’t wait to see you in it.”

You wondered what he was thinking as he saw you in that dress now, if he thought you were beautiful even as Taehyung slid the gold band on your finger. You wondered if he still loved you even as the ceremony was sealed with a kiss that lasted a while; it was a warm, slow burn that heated you to your core. It wasn’t like kisses with Jungkook which were fire and passion and quick moments that burst your heart at the seams. It was healing instead of a quick patch to make things better.

As you pulled away and Taehyung wrapped his arms around your waist and grinned to the crowd, Jungkook was gone.

“I’ll be back either late tonight or early tomorrow morning, alright?” Jungkook slid his jacket up his arms and onto his shoulders, peering over his collar at you. “You know you’re still welcome to come, right? It’s a party for Bangtan–and you are every much a part of us as I am.”

You pouted into the pillow held tight against your chest, peering up at him with large, puppy dog eyes that you knew he understood to be a cover up for your jealousy. “Are there going to be female idols there? We’re getting married in two days, you know? What if you decide to call it off because you fall in love with one of them? What if I went and just caused a crazy amount of problems again–your fans hate me.”

Even though there was the hints of a smile in the back of your irises, Jungkook strode across the room towards you, piercing your personal space bubble so he could stare you directly in the eye. “My fans love you–my sasaeng fans hate you, but they hate everyone equal because they are fucking nuts.” His hand curled around your jaw, tilting your head up from behind the pillow to bombard you with kisses–all rough and fast, all passion and energy that had your head spinning and your jaw working in time with his. When he pulled away, you both were out of breath. “No female idol can make me see fireworks, no female idol will ever be able to get close–Y/N, you’re all that matters to me. If you really want me to stay home and help you, I can. Or…you could just come with me and forget the decorations tonight.”

You shoved your pillow in his face, forcing him back to a respectable distance. “You idiot! This is a party for Bangtan and it’s also your Bachelor party–go enjoy yourself!!”

He chuckled, tossing the pillow next to you on the couch. “Are you sure you don’t want to go?”

“I have to finish the decorations and make sure my father gets into town alright. So you go and have fun and I’ll party it up here.” You smiled at him so brightly that he felt compelled to lean in and press a chaste kiss to the tip of your nose. “Besides, tomorrow, you’re all mine.”

“I love you.” His breath fanned across your face.

“And only me?”

“Always.”

“I’m…I’m going to go clean up my dressing room.” You said to Taehyung, still holding his hand after the hall had emptied to head to the location of the reception. He was holding onto you as if he knew that once he let you go you would feel that you were dealing with this all alone once more. “I’ll…I’ll meet you at the reception?”

Taehyung was an understanding man, where Jungkook would have just left, Taehyung always saw right through everything you threw up to lead him away; he shook his head. “I’ll go clean up my own dressing room and wait for you out here.”

“There…there are people for that.” You murmured.

He only raised an eyebrow at you before kissing your cheek and, slowly–as if telling you that he would still be there when you came back–he released your hand and strode towards the back of the church.

You took a deep breath, standing in the empty chapel before heading towards your own pre-wedding chambers. It wasn’t a mess, in fact, it seemed to bare of any indication that you were in there other than the slight disturbance and commotion of products strewn across the vanity. When you were with Jungkook, you’d had this whole setup envisioned in your head–with Taehyung, it was suddenly no longer needed. The important things were there, and so were you and him–that was enough.

Your eyes zeroed in on the plastic ring that sat on your dresser by a tipped over bottle of lotion. It had seen far better days, muddied by the years, and grime accumulated from you carrying it around so much. There was barely any paint left save for a small section of silver turned a coppery plastic color. You picked it up gingerly, placing it on your palm before closing it in both your hands. With your thumbs pressed to your lips, it almost seemed like a talisman for prayer–to what god, you didn’t know.

You had long since given up on religion.

“You still have that?”

With a fresh face and brushed teeth, you headed towards your bed only to notice your phone lighting up with a missed call and a voicemail. Jungkook. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself.

Your eyes flew open, though you didn’t remember closing them. In a wild panic you spun around, your throat constricting as you faced the first love of your life. “Jungkook.” It was a breath, barely an intelligible name. He was wearing that tuxedo–the one that he was supposed to marry you in–it suited him well. “Of course I kept it.” Your voice was a whisper, and you wanted to help him–you wanted to smile, to make it better, but there was no way that you could manage that with the glaze forming over your eyes. You couldn’t pretend to be happy, not with him there–not like that.

He stepped towards you and for a moment you were hit with the scent of his cologne, the smell of the man that you had known for so long before he was cut out of your life. Jungkook’s hand slid along the side of your face in feather light touches, brushing up to toy with a styled bit of your hair. Finally, his touch lingered down to your chin where he hooked his thumb to lift your gaze up to his face instead of the middle of his chest. His fingers felt cold.

“You look beautiful in that dress, as I always knew you would. Anything looks beautiful on you.” His eyes shifted with some fleeting emotion before he dropped your face. “Taehyung is lucky to have you–I’m…I’m happy that you have him now.”

Your lip quivered, all it took was that one twitch of your face and suddenly the tears were falling, dribbling onto your dress–you were thankful your friend talked you into the waterproof makeup. You wanted to smile at him, you wanted him to be satisfied that you were fine so he could go, so he would be okay, so he would wait for you, so he could do what people were supposed to do after…after…

You woke up to your phone ringing like crazy, vibrating across your nightstand and blaring BTS’ Fire at max volume. But, it was you, so instead of flipping out you groggily snatched it before it fell, hit the answer button, and pressed it to your who-the-fuck-woke-me-up-at-3-am ear. “Mmmm….mhello?”

“Y/N?” Seokjin. He sounded panicked, sirens and screaming creating a cacophonous background that made his tone of voice seem all that more urgent. “Y/N…where are you?”

“Home?” You mumbled as you tried to push your lazy butt up into a sitting position.

“We’re on our way.” He shouted to someone else, a muffled static reverberating through your skull–he was covering the phone so you couldn’t hear what he was saying, an act that you knew was purposeful. Anxiety settled just underneath your skin, ready to burst. “You’re not going to–” His voice shook as he took in a deep breath to calm himself. “You won’t have to deal with this–or even hear this–alone.”

As you finally sat up, the blankets pooled around your waist, you turned to look over your shoulder at the empty spot of the bed where Jungkook should have been, but wasn’t. You patted the sheets, his pillows, anything and everything you could to silence the worst of your fears that settled in your gut and were exacerbated by Seokjin’s words. Everything was cold, the entire bed, your skin, your heart, your stomach–everything. “Seokjin…what…what are you talking about? What happened?” Your voice broke, your hands digging into the phone to the point that you thought you would crack the plastic cover.

“They…they thought that you had come to the party with him. They didn’t know it was his car, that he was leaving–they thought it was you. They thought that he’d gone to the bathroom–they…”

“Seokjin, where’s Jungkook?”

“The fans.” He murmured, his voice rattling. “The crazy ones that want their ‘oppa’ or whatever all to themselves or no one at all–they followed his car.”

You screwed your eyes shut, your entire body trembling. “Seokjin.” Even though you tried to make your voice firm and assertive, it cracked and sounded like a lost child approaching a stranger. “Where is Jungkook?”

“His car got chased and crashed off the highway.” He swallowed and you heard it echo through your skull for eternity. “There were no survivors.”

Jungkook’s brows furrowed as the facade that you had haphazardly threw up fell down in shards that left gashes in your heart and tears streaming down your face.  He was there, holding onto you so tightly you could almost believe that he was a real, living being. But you were the only one that could see or touch him; you were the only one that could feel the stillness to his chest–the lack of a heartbeat.  "I ’m sorry.“ He whispered into your hair. "I’m so sorry, Y/N–I wanted…I wanted to be the one celebrating you as my wife. I wanted to be here to go on some wonderful honeymoon, I wanted to celebrate anniversaries with you, I wanted to have children, I wanted–I wanted to spend my life with you.”

Your sobs broke into his shoulder as you snorted and were forced to cover up your nose in case the snot ran loose. “You did celebrate your life with me–it was just short.” He chuckled, and when you closed your eyes you could almost imagine the ghost of his breath on your neck. “It should have been me in that car, I should have gone with you–or told you to stay with me.”

He pulled away from you just enough for you to see his expression–and you ducked your head to avoid it. “Never.” He hissed. “It was never meant to be you; it was never going to be you. I wouldn’t wish your pain on anyone in the world but you, Y/N, the fact that you are alive is the greatest treasure that I could ever ask for. I got to see you be married to my best friend, and while I wanted to be the one to do it first, I will always love you and you will always be my wife.” He snatched the ring from you, grabbing your left hand so abruptly that your head shot up to stare at him in confusion. Jungkook’s gaze never left your face as he spoke.

“With this ring, I thee wed.” It wasn’t metal; it was shit compared to the gold band already on your finger–but that one, stupid, faded, plastic ring was heavier than anything else that had ever adorned your body. And it was beautiful in a way that gold would never match.

For that moment, your tears stopped just enough for you to finally see the man you had lost. He curled his arm around your waist, the other clasping with your hand. “I didn’t practice ballroom dancing for nothing.” He chuckled, his bunny grin lighting up his face when the joke brought a smile to your own.

And then he was sweeping you off your feet with dance, pulling you along in that one tiny dressing room like it was a huge expanse of marbled floors, like there were chandeliers above your head and wine served on silver platters. Jungkook danced with you like the two of you had always been rich; he danced with you with that passion he used to accomplish everything. As you closed your eyes to let your body succumb to his movements, you could almost hear the music, almost sway to the beat of the song that wasn’t playing. His face bent towards yours, his lips pressing against your cheek. For a second, his breath was warm.

“I will always love you, Y/N.”

“Please.” You whispered. “Just a little bit longer–please don’t go yet, don’t–”

There was a knock at the door, and though you didn’t want to open your eyes, you did.

Taehyung slowly creaked open the door, finding you standing in the middle of the room with your arm still raised in the air as if you had been dancing all alone with an invisible partner. Your eyes met his, and there was no more being strong–there was no more pretending. Your face broke once more and, this time, Taehyung was the one to comfort you. He was the one to hold you and gently lead you to the ground before you collapsed. His hands weren’t rough and pleading in your hair, they were gentle and calming. His voice was lower, it vibrated your chest and it created a steady hum that Jungkook’s could never do because he was always a thousand different places at once.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?” Taehyung whispered, pausing a second before speaking again. “Did he…did he look happy?”

You sniffled into Taehyung’s tuxedo jacket. “It was the happiest I’d ever seen him.” And, as Taehyung buried his head in your hair to dampen it with his own tears, you felt something heavy leave through your heart and out your back–up; a part of you, that would only ever belong to Jungkook.

“Hey, Y/N. Ah, I got to the party just fine. You know, there’s all these women around me but the only person I can even think of is you.” His last voicemail rang out through the apartment, you kept replaying it, the phone buzzing against your chest as you tried to clean, as you tried to sort your things versus his. “They don’t even compare–you. Y/N, I love you so much that I want you all to myself. Sometimes, you know, I think about what would have happened if I didn’t pursue you–would you be marrying another man in two days?” He chuckled softly and fresh tears bloomed in your eyes; every damn time.  "I get jealous thinking like that, you know. I think that I might die if you married someone else, but I also think that I’d want you to be happy.“ He snorted and then let out a burp/hiccup that made you laugh more than cry for just a second. "Okay, so I may have had a bit to drink, I have a driver–don’t worry, I will come back to you tonight and you won’t ever wake up alone again. I love you, Y/N. Always.”

[mastcomm]

China’s Doctors, Fighting the Coronavirus, Beg for Masks

WUHAN, China — In the hospital where Yu Yajie works, nurses, doctors and other medical professionals fighting the new coronavirus have also been fighting dire shortages. They have used tape to patch up battered protective masks, repeatedly reused goggles meant for one-time use, and wrapped their shoes in plastic bags for lack of specialized coverings.

Ms. Yu is now lying at home, feverish and fearful that she has been infected with the virus. She and other employees at the hospital said a lack of protective wear had left medical workers like her vulnerable in Wuhan, the central Chinese city at the heart of the epidemic that has engulfed this region.

“There are risks — there simply aren’t enough resources,” Ms. Yu, an administrator at Wuhan Central Hospital, said in a brief telephone interview, adding that she was too weak to speak at length.

Chinese medical workers at the forefront of the fight against the coronavirus epidemic are often becoming its victims, partly because of government missteps and logistical hurdles.

After the virus emerged in Wuhan late last year, city leaders played down its risks, so doctors didn’t take precautions. When the outbreak could no longer be ignored, officials imposed a lockdown on Wuhan that expanded across the surrounding Hubei Province and then swaths of China. The vast travel cordons may have slowed the epidemic, but have also slowed deliveries into Hubei, leaving medical workers short of protective wear.

On Friday, the Chinese government for the first time disclosed the toll the outbreak was taking on hospital employees: 1,716 medical workers had contracted the virus, including 1,502 in Wuhan, and six had died.

The strength — or vulnerability — of China’s medical workers could shape how well the Communist Party weathers its worst political crisis in years. Li Wenliang, a doctor, died from the coronavirus last week, after he had been punished by the police for warning friends of the outbreak. His death ignited fury in China, where he was lionized as a medical martyr to officials who put political control ahead of health.

“Of course I’m nervous about getting infected,” said Cai Yi, head of the division of pain management at Wuhan Central Hospital, the same hospital where Dr. Li had worked. “But if we let ourselves be nervous, then what would happen to the people?”

China’s president and Communist Party leader, Xi Jinping, has praised hospital workers in Hubei as heroes, and mobilized the country in a “people’s war” against the coronavirus. But hospital workers in Wuhan said they often felt frustrated and alone.

Updated Feb. 10, 2020

What is a Coronavirus? It is a novel virus named for the crown-like spikes that protrude from its surface. The coronavirus can infect both animals and people, and can cause a range of respiratory illnesses from the common cold to more dangerous conditions like Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, or SARS.

How contagious is the virus? According to preliminary research, it seems moderately infectious, similar to SARS, and is possibly transmitted through the air. Scientists have estimated that each infected person could spread it to somewhere between 1.5 and 3.5 people without effective containment measures.

How worried should I be? While the virus is a serious public health concern, the risk to most people outside China remains very low, and seasonal flu is a more immediate threat.

Who is working to contain the virus? World Health Organization officials have praised China’s aggressive response to the virus by closing transportation, schools and markets. This week, a team of experts from the W.H.O. arrived in Beijing to offer assistance.

What if I’m traveling? The United States and Australia are temporarily denying entry to noncitizens who recently traveled to China and several airlines have canceled flights.

How do I keep myself and others safe? Washing your hands frequently is the most important thing you can do, along with staying at home when you’re sick.

Some have scrambled to buy protective gear with their own money, begged from friends, or relied on donations from other parts of China and abroad. Others have avoided eating and drinking for long stretches because going to the toilet meant discarding safety gowns that they would not be able to replace. Younger staff are assigned to the more critical cases, with the expectation that if they get sick they would be more likely to recover.

Even as Chinese officials disclosed how many medical workers had been sickened and killed by the virus, key questions remain, experts said, including how the workers became infected and whether the rate of transmission was slowing. Such omissions could make it more difficult for other countries to assess and reduce their own risks.

“Clearly it would have been useful for other parts of China who are beginning to struggle with this outbreak as well for the rest of the world to have these types of data as soon as possible,” said Malik Peiris, a virologist at the University of Hong Kong.

Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, director-general of the World Health Organization, said it is seeking more information about the time period and circumstances surrounding the infections of health care workers.

“This is a critical piece of information, because health workers are the glue that holds the health system and outbreak response together,” Dr. Tedros said.

Doctors and other hospital workers have also come under pressure not to speak out. But many do, out of desperation.

“For the first time, I felt helpless confronting the system,” Chang Le, a doctor at Hankou Hospital in Wuhan, said in an online message pleading for more medical masks. His plea was deleted by the censors. “It’s only today that I’ve grasped just how hard it is for us front line medical workers.”

The Chinese government has acknowledged problems in medical supplies for Hubei, and repeatedly promised to accelerate deliveries.

Strains in medical supplies may have been unavoidable as the virus spread at a pace that seemed to catch the government off guard. But the sweeping restrictions across China to contain the virus also slowed production and delivery of much-needed medical equipment, said doctors, factory managers, and aid workers.

Pervasive road checks and travel restrictions have held up shipments. Factories have faced difficulty increasing production because workers and raw materials have been blocked by lockdowns. Local governments have hoarded supplies. China’s state-controlled Red Cross has dominated distribution of donations, creating a bottleneck that infuriated hospital employees.

With medical supplies so scarce, many health care workers in Wuhan also said they had to accept substandard gowns, gloves and masks. Outside the Wuhan Fourth Hospital, medical workers waited near a truck as a delivery man in a full-body medical suit handed down boxes of masks and gowns. One hospital worker explained that the gowns were not of a high enough grade to withstand a viral contagion.

“But this is all we could get,” she said. She declined to give her name. “We just have to accept what they send us.”

Life has become a scramble, many said: treating patients for much of the day; hunting for protective gear for the rest. The shortage has forced employees, like Dr. Chang, from the city’s hospitals to appeal for donations of N95 masks — a type of respirator best suited to guarding against viruses — and other personal protective equipment on Chinese social media sites.

Dr. Peng Zhiyong, 53, head of the department of critical care medicine at Wuhan University’s Zhongnan Hospital, said in an interview this week that his team was running dangerously low on full-body medical suits and masks. “We can only get one break during the entire day,” he said. “Just one, to drink water and eat. Because if you leave, you don’t have any new suits to get back into.”

The first time the authorities publicly acknowledged a problem with medical worker infections was on Jan. 20, when an official expert revealed that 14 had been infected by a single patient. Until the government released details on Friday, details were scattershot, emerging in studies and news reports.

Dr. Peng and other researchers wrote that 40 health care professionals at his hospital had been infected in January, a third of the cases included in a study published last week in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

A 61-year-old doctor died nine days after contracting the virus from a patient, according to a report by the newspaper China Philanthropy Times.

Another doctor had started to show symptoms early last month, before medical professionals knew to take extra precautions, according to the state-run Health Times newspaper. He died this past Monday.

During the severe acute respiratory syndrome or SARS outbreak of 2002-2003, infections of medical workers became a source of anger after the government suppressed information for months. These workers made up 15 percent of confirmed cases, according to an expert, Xu Dezhong, quoted by Xinhua, China’s official news agency. About 1 percent of the medical workers infected with SARS died.

The pleas from hospitals across Hubei have inspired an outpouring of donations from Chinese businesses, workers and charities. But the surge in demand for medical equipment has been hard for suppliers to meet, especially under the lockdown.

Officials in the city of Xiantao in Hubei at first told some companies making protective medical clothing and masks that their factories could not reopen until Feb. 14. An outcry followed, and the city’s officials relented on Monday, saying that 73 of the companies could resume operations.

The roads to Hubei are also full of hurdles. In theory, the government has created “green channels” to speed through trucks carrying masks, gowns and equipment. In practice, local officials and police can hold up journeys.

One truck driver recounted being stopped 14 times for body temperature checks when he set out from Wuhan to pick up medical supplies, The Beijing News, a state-run Chinese newspaper, reported.

Guo Fei, a 27-year-old entrepreneur who has been helping to buy and deliver supplies to hospitals in Xiaogan, a city in Hubei, said his team was held by the police for around eight hours in a neighboring province, Jiangxi, when they went there to pick up an order of hygienic gloves. The police seemed to be acting for local officials who wanted to retain the supplies for their area, he said.

“I can accept government controls,” he said, “but not local protectionism.”

Doctors also criticized bureaucracy for clogging up distribution. Many donations of medical supplies must be funneled through the Red Cross, and the organization — understaffed and overwhelmed — has struggled.

In a furious social media post, Dr. Chang, the doctor at the Hankou Hospital, described his experience trying to get 10,000 N95 respirator masks from the Red Cross. He was eventually given more than 9,000 masks of inferior quality, he said.

“I just wanted to cry,” he said at the end of his video message.

Premier Li Keqiang of China, who oversees a policy team for the crisis, said in early February that “unified national management” would help overcome equipment shortages.

Just a week later, China’s Politburo Standing Committee, the Communist Party’s top most council, said problems with insufficient beds, medical personnel and other medical resources persisted across Hubei. According to official data from the province, deliveries of high-quality masks and other items have accelerated in recent days.

The country’s health facilities are not only facing an acute shortage of personal protective equipment — they may also be using the wrong gear.

Health workers in China generally have been following the W.H.O.’s guidelines to use so-called “standard precautions” which include surgical masks, rather than more expensive N95 masks, to cover their mouths and noses. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, on the other hand, has instructed health care providers to use N95s, which block out much smaller particles than surgical masks do.

Until conditions markedly improve, medical workers will still be forced to make hard adjustments. Dr. Cai, from Wuhan Central Hospital, said he has assigned younger medical workers to treat coronavirus patients to avoid endangering more seasoned employees. “To be honest, if older doctors get infected, their immune system is much weaker,” he said.

Dr. Peng of Zhongnan Hospital said more attention had to be paid to the fate of medical workers. “Because when the country doesn’t have any more medical workers, then what hope is there left?”

Sui-Lee Wee reported from Singapore. Elsie Chen contributed research from Wuhan. Roni Caryn Rabin contributed reporting from New York. Amber Wang, Wang Yiwei and Zoe Mou contributed research from Beijing.

from WordPress https://mastcomm.com/chinas-doctors-fighting-the-coronavirus-beg-for-masks/

[alba0duncan-blog]

REVIEW: LaCie DJI Copilot BOSS External Hard Drive

The LaCie DJI CoPilot BOSS is a portable hard drive with an internal battery and added interfaces. The interfaces include an SD card slot, USB-C and USB-A connectors, and a custom cable for connecting the device to a phone or tablet.

There is an app available for both Apple and Android devices which gives you the ability to perform simple procedures on stored photos.

The device is meant to be simple and easy to use while providing long battery life for extended periods away from a computer or outlet. The idea is to remove the need to take a bulky or brittle laptop into the wilds while shooting. But still, allow for backing up of critical images while on location.

Who is the LaCie DJI Copilot BOSS for?

While the drive is marketed by DJI, a leading drone manufacturer, the drive can be used by any photographer. With its ruggedized covering, it's meant to travel far and wide. Its interfaces make it device agnostic. If you have an SD card (or micro-SD with the included adapter) or a USB connection, this device will work for you.

It is meant to be easy and straightforward without the extra cost that comes with all kinds of unused bells and whistles.

Some stats

What's in the box of the LaCie DJI Copilot BOSS External Hard Drive. (Photo courtesy of LaCie/DJI)

2 terabyte (TB) capacity

5.3″ x 4.3″ x 1.4″ (136mm x 111mm x 36mm)

1.2lbs / .53kg

Compatible with Window 10 or higher and Mac OS X 10.10 or higher via USB-C 3.1, Thunderbolt, 3, USB  2 or 3

Mobile phones/tablets running iOS 10.3 or higher or Android 4.4 or higher

Connects to mobile devices via included Lightning, micro USB or USB-C

Comes with a wall charger with multi-country adapters as well as a micro USB adapter

For reference sake, the 2TB drive can download 31 x 64GB cards. That's about 70,000 20MP images (at roughly 28MB each) and hours of 4K video. Storage capacity varies depending on your camera settings.

Suggested retail price is $349USD

The unit can be charged with the included AC adapter (more on that in a minute) or through the USB-C connection, but only when connected to a computer or power pack, not through a wall charger.

The unit does have the ability to charge via its USB-C connection but only when connected to a laptop/desktop or portable external battery. When I asked, LeCie stated a wall charger would not work with the USB-C connection and it was also slower than the AC adapter (taking 12 hours to charge from 0-100% vs. 3 hours with the AC adapter).

How it works

Operation of the CoPilot is pretty simple. There's only one button and you press it once to get system status (battery level and storage space remaining) or hold it down for three seconds to turn the unit on.

The on/off button.

Next, insert a memory card, USB drive, USB connection for a phone or USB connection to your camera or drone. The screen will ask you, “Copy?” (see image below) and indicate one press of the button for yes or hold down the button for no. Pretty easy!

The unit will scan the drive and start copying, updating status as it runs. It gives updates with a progress bar and the remaining battery level of the unit.

If you press the button, it will also show the number of files copied alongside the total number of photos to be copied. The next screen shows that previous amount as a percentage complete and then is a screen displaying the rate at which your card is being backed up.

Some nice features

The unit also has the ability to queue up different backups, such as plugging in both an SD card and a USB drive for total unattended backup of your devices.

When the copy process is complete, the unit will display “Done” and it will remain on that screen until OK is pressed. I love this feature. In the past, I have used units that never gave a copy confirmation and I'm not one to stare at a device for 5-30 minutes depending on how many photos are being backed up. I never knew if a backup failed or completed.

The CoPilot will tell you if the copy competed or if there was an error, before letting you move on to another card. Very handy. Also, there is a ring around the outside of the display showing, as a percentage, how much space has been used on the CoPilot.

Copy procedures can be stopped at any time by simply holding down the button for three seconds and then pressing once more to confirm cancelation.

The CoPilot App

The CoPilot App runs on Apple or Android devices. I will be sharing screenshots from an Apple iPad in this article. The unit comes with three cords for connection; Apple Lightning, micro-USB, and USB-C. The cord for connection wraps nicely around the unit, a thoughtful touch.

After the initial setup of the app and device (those instructions are included with the device), it's pretty easy to browse photos stored on the CoPilot or even on inserted SD cards or connected USB devices. This is helpful as it can turn your phone/tablet into a card reader for other purposes.

On the left side of the screen are the available devices, with the first item being the CoPilot, followed by the device you are using (my iPad is named Spiff, as in Spaceman Spiff) and then the other ports on the CoPilot.

The main screen shows folders on the CoPilot when it is selected. The Backups folder is where everything resides and tapping it brings up a folder for each backup run.

The folders are named by date, the time the backup was started and a unique identifier for each card or device. The date is below each folder if that makes reading easier.

Using the app

Tapping a folder will let you drill down through the typical card structure (depending on your camera manufacturer's specifications) until you arrive at your photos.

At this point, the image grid can be made fullscreen to cover more real estate if you like.

The LaCie DJI Copilot BOSS External Hard Drive can handle all the major Raw and JPEG file types as well as PDFs and a few others.

One more tap brings up a single image to fill your screen. It's a 100% version, so you can zoom in just as you would on your desktop. There is not a zoom indicator anywhere, though.

There are a few things you can do with the photo at this point. The Move and Copy options are both straightforward. Images can be copied either to another place on the CoPilot or to an attached USB or SD card. Rename might be helpful to some users as well.

Full EXIF information is also available although DJI/LaCie need to clean up how it is presented.

Exif information display for this image.

I can see why a programmer made it display this way, but it's not too user-friendly. An exposure time of 0.00200o seconds?

A little handier is the ability to share out the image with normal platform-specific applications. Here you see the standard Apple lineup and I enjoy that “Save Image” is there, making it easy to drop the file onto my iPad for use in a blog post or the like.

Share options.

If installed, the image can be handed off to the likes of Adobe Lightroom or Photoshop Express or Dropbox or any of a number of other apps. Note that these are the RAW (.CR2 in the case of Canon) files, not JPEGs if you are shooting RAW.

The image opened in Photoshop Express.

Previews in the app

One small annoyance with the app is the chronological preview creation. In this case, I had over 800 images in the folder on the CoPilot so it starts at the top creating previews. Before that they all look like this:

And if you want to work with an image shot just moments ago, it's going to be at the bottom of the folder and you have to wait for the preview to resolve. Not a big thing, but something to note if you have thousands of images in one folder.

Otherwise, the app is pretty slim in features. You can rename folders and delete them if you like, which is handy. I wish I could drag images from the main part of the screen to my iPad folder on the left, but that's not the case. I'd also like the ability to star or pick my photos as I do in Lightroom. That would make the app a lot more useful.

In the real world

At times I thought I should be able to just plug a card in (without powering on the unit) and start copying. Once I got over that mentality and was patient enough to wait for it to power on, I found the CoPilot easy to use.

I really enjoyed that it could back up all my media, including my phone photos (but not a true backup of my phone as I do on my desktop). With a cable, I can also download directly from my drone, but I often found it easier to use the micro-SD card adapter. After all, that's what I do now when downloading drone footage.

The unit is a little hefty and all the rubberizing makes it a little bulky. It's certainly not as small as my Western Digital Passports but also not as large as a standard external drive. I do feel pretty confident with that mass of rubber coating all around the shell and the toughness of a non-touchscreen.

Minor issues

This will seem like a minor gripe and I guess it is, but not owning a newer Android phone, I also do not own a USB-C to USB-A cable. The unit comes with a USB-C to USB-C cable for connecting to your desktop or laptop for final download and workflow, but not the cable I needed. Not a big deal, but it's one more cable.

My bigger complaint is with the interface cover. It's not tethered to the unit and I easily see myself losing it within a month of owning a CoPilot. It's great that there is a cutout on the inside of the cover allowing you to keep SD cards (or the Micro-SD adapter) inserted with the cover on. But when hooked to USB, that cover can go missing.

For portability, I'm not happy that I can only use the somewhat bulky AC adapter that comes with the unit to charge the hard drive. When I am out of the country for 2-3 weeks leading one of my tours, I can't trust that I'll have enough battery power. So yet another power adapter has to be packed and accounted for.

It would be great if I could charge the unit with USB power (and that would take away my complaint above). However, if I was only going to be gone 1-2 weeks and thought I would shoot maybe only 4000-6000 images, I think it would be okay. This aspect needs more real-world battery drain testing.

Backing up your files

Unfortunately, there is no ability to perform incremental backups. The good news is you can use the app from your phone or tablet to simply delete the previous, redundant backup.

Such as, if you shoot 400 photos and back those up, then keep using the card for another 600 images. Your second backup will contain all 1000 images and with the app, you can delete the first backup of 400, if you want. It's also handy that Lightroom and other desktop apps will recognize the duplicates and only import one copy, so you don't have to delete the redundant backup copies if you don't want to.

Backup speeds will depend on the type of card you are using. It is handy that the unit will tell you the exact throughput (in MBs) while it is downloading so you can estimate time remaining. In my experience, 40GB of backup from an SD card to the unit used about 6-8% of battery. I would estimate 12-14 32GB cards could be downloaded with each charge.

Dirt issues

Lastly, this is a minor thing, but the rubberized coating of the CoPilot attracts dirt and lint. I placed the unit in a planter for the introductory photo of this post and it came away with dirt stuck fairly well to the housing. It's meant to take a beating, but my unit was not sparkling new for long.

See all the dust and stuff stuck to it?

(Photo courtesy of LaCie/DJI)

Downloading from the CoPilot

When matched with the likes of Lightroom and its ability to ignore duplicates, the CoPilot is a breeze when it's time to download images at home or the office. Plug into the USB-C connector and start your import. No need to browse folder to folder.

Yet, if you only want to download a particular day's worth of images, the CoPilot's structure of naming folders first by the date shot is a big help in finding just the right images. The USB-C is fast at a rate of about 5Gbps.

Otherwise, the drive works like any other external hard drive and can be read directly. It can also be used as a card reader while plugged in.

(Photo courtesy of LaCie/DJI)

Is it worth it?

The LaCie 2TB DJI Copilot BOSS External Hard Drive lists for $349. That's a hefty price and not a cheap purchase. If you travel occasionally, this might not be the right device for you, given that price point. But if you find yourself lugging your laptop around only to be used as a conduit for backing up photos, the CoPilot will pay for itself soon enough.

Personally, when I lead photo tours I carry enough gear for the group that I don't want to bring a laptop. I intend to purchase a CoPilot BOSS before my next trip abroad in order to lighten my load while ensuring I all my precious photos return with me.

The post REVIEW: LaCie DJI Copilot BOSS External Hard Drive appeared first on Digital Photography School.