at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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bc i am in fact insane, i rewatched the 1967 scene and took notes only to prove my theory that one of them (crowley) tried to confess in 1941 and got rejected before they could even say a word.
now to the stuff i noticed or perhaps deluded myself into:
crowley actively goes out of his way to gain aziraphale's attention, i mean come on, robbing a CHURCH in SOHO for HOLY WATER?? he clearly wanted aziraphale to notice he was doing dumb shit and stop him
the only time aziraphale actually seeks out crowley, which obviously everyone noticed, but i'm thinking maybe crowley was afraid to seek him out bc he feared an another rejection and they obviously parted on shit terms given by the tension between them
"i needed a word with you" "a word?" the way crowley actually sounds afraid (OF ANOTHER REJECTION?!!!)
they clearly haven't spoken since '41 (again, that is obvious to everyone but it fits with my theory so i had to mention it)
crowley barely meets aziraphale's eyes, is constantly looking away, never fully turns to face him
"a 100 and 5 years ago" needed to emphasize that you remember the exact year, did you babe? he REMEMBERS everything that happened between them and he's not about to let aziraphale forget that
"after everything you said?" clearly he's not just talking about their argument in 1862 cause aziraphale barely said shit to him just stormed away so he could be referring to '41 where aziraphale not only rejects him but forbids him of ever speaking on his feelings
the nervousness/awkwardness that wasn't there before between them
"don't look so disappointed" girl??
–> processed to list romantic date ideas for them in the future, "when all of this is over" girl what are u talking about? perhaps mayhaps when heaven and hell are no longer on ur asses?? aziraphale what the fuck are u saying to this man don't get his hopes up now
"you go too fast for me crowley" = what i said in '41 still stands. i can't be with you in the way you want me to be. i'm too afraid. i don't want to be just something you speed over and throw away when you're bored. wait for me.
anyway add whatever u noticed that i didn't pls i would love if a smart person helped me out here
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i keep thinking about the datamined conversation between halsin and minthara and what gets me about it is that if you side with halsin and turn minthara away, thats objectively the bad choice.
like at this point, you've rescued minthara from moonrise. you know now that she was being controlled to act against her will. you've gone to the trouble of rescuing her from her tormentors, and you've experienced what it felt like as they tried to destroy her mind. you know what will happen to her if you turn her away. and if you do, you're willingly condemning her to that fate. you've essentially allowed her to experience freedom, to regain her sense of self, only to tear that away from her again.
whereas if you side with minthara, and halsin leaves, that's the only consequence he experiences. that he's not a companion anymore. at this point, we've saved the grove, we've saved him, and we've lifted the shadow curse. we've helped him achieve what hes been hoping to do for over a century. leaving your party won't see him lose his free will. he can return to the grove and live his life.
the choice is essentially either condemn someone to a fate worse than death, knowing exactly what that entails vs not letting someone travel with you anymore. its pretty clear cut to me.
its just interesting to me that they've switched the morality of it around given that minthara is considered the 'evil' companion by so many.
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oh another thing i didn't want to mention at the time, during The Happening™ i went looking through pre-2023 google to see what the talk abt james was like beforehand, and i managed to find his fucking prehistoric old twitter account. didn't find anything earth shattering but we can certainly still point and laugh
"political mouthpiece" sure man
oh dw man you didnt need to tell us you've never done drugs, we could all tell
oh so at least at one point he did know how to get jobs other than youtube, fascinating
lmao
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this is such a weird thing to ask but did anyone dress their pet up for Halloween and wouldn't mind sharing a picture with me lmao I'm in charge of our charity cutest pet Halloween costume contest at work and we're not getting a lot of submissions and the deadline is tomorrow and it's my part for the committee so I wanted to submit a photo but dONT HAVE ONE!!
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