#so the last thing i want to do is be therapist hunting or start with someone new

[mj0702]

So my dearest Frens... even if it’s my day today I gift you with Part 6... I hope you enjoy it and have a good night... day... whatever timezone you live in ♥️

The other Bronze – Pt.6

You woke up with pain in your wrist. You felt every pulse shooting right up into your wrist. You groaned and grabbed your phone seeing it was just after 3AM. You groaned again but pushed yourself up and stood up going on a painkiller hunt. You entered the dark kitchen and started searching for the pain meds knowing Lucy normally leaving them in one of the cupboards. You were just rummaging through the third cupboard as suddenly the light got turned on and you swirled around feeling like a kid with it's hand in the cookie jar.

“Jesus fuck“ you exclaimed shocked being confronted by a scared looking Ona

“What are you doing?” the blonde asked evenly as shocked holding up a fly swat like it was a baseball bat

“I'm looking for drugs” you gritted through your teeth

“What?” Ona asked confused

“My wrist hurts like a bitch... I need painkillers” you huffed out before noticing the fly swat “What's up with that?”

“Oh” the blonde quickly lowered her weapon “I thought we were being... robado”

“You what?” you looked at her completely lost

“You know... when strangers come and take your stuff” she shrugged her shoulders

“Robbed... you thought you were being robbed and then you thought it would be a grand idea to defend yourself – and my sister – with a fly swat... great choice” you snorted unimpressed

“It was the first thing I could grab” the spaniard shrugged

“Just a small tip... if you have robbers in your house... call the police and do NOT engage with them.. they probably kill you” you said before turning around searching again

“They're in the bathroom... our bathroom” Ona clarified as she saw you looking around again

“You have an own bathroom?” you turned around again looking at her confused

“We do... wait I get them for you” she smiled before disappearing

“Own bathroom... who does she think she is.. Taylor Swift or what?” you mumbled to yourself plopping down on a chair at the kitchen table

“Here you are Bebita” Ona said as she put a half a tablet in front of you getting you a glass of water from the sink

“Lucy gave me two... you are pretty tight with my drugs” you grumbled seeing that half a pill

“Lucy overdosed you and you were high half of the day” Ona countered smirking

“SHE WHAT???!!!” you screeched

“What do you remember from yesterday?” the blonde asked carefully

“Your friends were over, Luce gave me pills, I slept” you shrugged your shoulders

“Ehrm... yeah... do you remember being in the gym with Alexia?” Ona hummed

“Huh?” you looked at here like SHE lost it this time

“Okay... believe me – a half a pill is more than enough... the rest Lucy can explain... Are you hungry Bebita? You haven't had a lot in the last couple of hours... I can... batter something up” the blonde spaniard offered

You just stared blankly at her.

“Yes... no?” Ona looked at you expectantly

“Yes... please” you said carefully

“What's wrong?” the blonde asked

“Why are you so nice to me?” you asked unsure

“Why wouldn't I be?” she questioned back

“I dunno...” you shrugged “... but I feel like you shouldn't be”

“Why do you feel that way?” the blonde looked confused

“God... now you sound like my therapist” you rolled your eyes but a smile was tucking on the edge of your lips

“So... why do you feel I shouldn't be nice to you?” Ona tried again

“I... I.. I blamed you, you know... and I came here with the thought of hating you... and you're nice to me...” you mumbled looking away

Ona just looked at you before it dawned on her

“You thought Lucy didn't come to your birthday because of me... because she prioritized me over you” Ona concluded slowly

“I'm sorry... I really am...” you nodded as you looked up at her with sad eyes

“You have nothing to be sorry about, y/n... I understand it... and I know Lucy wants to talk to you about it, but you know her – she's snoring her life away” Ona smiled at the end

“How did you know?” you mumbled surprised

“You talked a lot yesterday...” the blonde smirked as your eyes widen

“What did I talk about?” you ask panicking

“You called Aitana flawless... Alexia pretty... Mapí a colorbook and you spilled that you're dating one Georgia Stanway” Ona smirked

“Shit” you're eyes widen even more and all colour leaves your face “shit shit shit shit shit”

“Calm down... she will talk to you about it but she's not mad... not really – more hurt that you didn't tell her” the blonde said calmly

“She's going to kill G... and then me... or first me and then her” you just kept panicking not listening to Ona

“Y/n... she won't, okay... there's more you two need to talk about... but Lucy is NOT mad” the spaniard grabbed your hand running her thumb over the back of it

“Don't let her kill me...” you whined “... Keira... I need to talk to Keira first... and then Keira can talk to Lucy and Lucy will talk first to you and I can flee the country”

“Okay... enough... nothing bad is going to happen – now here's how the next minutes will go... you tell me what you want to eat, then you take your painkiller and then you'll go back to bed... in the morning you and Lucy will sit down and talk to each other – REALLY talk...” Ona put her foot down hoping you wouldn't hold it against her

“Okay... okay..” you took a deep breath before looking at your sisters girlfriend hopefully “I know you guys are pro athletes and live on a diet... but do you have ANYTHING sugary? Cookies? Sweets? Anything?”

“Don't tell your sister” Ona pointed at you threating but smiling before standing up and got some chocolate chip cookies from a cupboard.

“Oh god” you moaned happily as you bit half a cookie off “definitely not telling her... because then I need to share”

“Slowly” the blonde warned you as she saw you shoving two more cookies into your mouth

You slowed down but ended five more cookies before Ona took the package away. You looked at her hurtful but she just shot you a “Don't push it”-glare. She's getting really good with reading you, you must admit. Not Keira good, but... good.

“Come on Bebita... take your pill and back to bed... it's nearly 4AM” Ona smiled softly at you watching you as you took your painkiller without further protest

“Can I sleep in your bed?” you ask pouting

“Your sister snores” the blonde reminded you

“I know” you rolled your eyes “I grew up with her”

“Come on then” Ona nodded towards the bedroom “I'll take the guestroom”

“You.... with us?” you asked getting a little light headed again

“I don't think that's a good idea Bebita... your sister gets quite... handsy early mornings” Ona tried to bring her point across

“Morning sex?” you ask pulling a face your brain a bit foggy

“Sometimes... but that's not the point... how do you feel Bebita?” the blonde checked on you having a slight hunch

“Bit funny” you mumbled “sleepy”

“Come on then... I'll get you to bed” Ona sighed as she stood up signalling you to follow her

You followed suit standing up slowly following the blonde spaniard as said woman turned off the light in the kitchen while you grabbed the back of her shirt so you have a little guidance to not run into anything.

“Off you go to your sister... lay on right side so you don't hurt your wrist further – you might need to push Lucy over a little bit... she likes to sleep in the middle” Ona smiled encouraging as she stopped in front of their bedroom door.

“Oh don't I know it” you mumble as you let go of Onas shirt and stepped forward – to just run straight into the door.

Your face connected loudly with the wooden door. You needed a few seconds to realize what happened before your hand flew to your nose as you started to swear loudly which caused Lucy to finally wake up and open the bedroom door.

“What the Fuck, y/n? Do you know what time it is?” she whisper yelled at you as you try to hold back the tears that threatened to leave your eyes “If you wake Ona up with your nonsense, I swear to god”

“I'm already up... your sister needed painkillers and since you don't hear anything once you're out, I took care of it” Ona said rolling her eyes as she grabbed you by your shoulders and pushed you inside the bedroom to sit you down on the edge of the bed.

“Let me look Bebita” she said softly as she pried your hand off your face.

“I bet it's broken... just my fucking luck” you whined

“Let me look first” the blonde spaniard chuckled as she inspected your nose “No... not broken” she smiled at you

“What is going on here???” Lucy asked behind you both looking so SO confused

“I woke up and my wrist was killing me... so I investigated the kitchen for painkillers since THAT'S where painkillers belong... turns out your girlfriend hasn't got the deepest sleep and tried to kill me with a fly swat thinking I'm a robber... then she gave me some toast and my painkillers and I asked if I could sleep at yours... she said yes and led me over here and told me to go on... which I did...” you explained everything lying about the cookies

“... and you decided to run straight into the door?” Lucy asked you perplex

“How should I have known the door was closed? Who closes their bedroom door??” you said upset

“Me when my little sister is around” your sister countered and you could see the small smirk as your eyes grew wide and you started to dry heave

“Lucy” Ona swatted your sisters shoulder hard “Don't worry Bebita... she's just messing with you”

“I wouldn't put it past her” you mumbled and shivered

“Payback” your sister growled playfully

“Look... I was.... non compos mentis... I don't remember anything so you can't hold anything against me” you started to defend yourself knowing what your sister was referring to.

“Okay... both of you... either you go back to bed OR you go back into the kitchen and talk it out – I won't have you beat around the bush at 4AM when I could be sleeping” Ona interfered strictly shooting you both a warning glare

“I'm half drugged I don't care” you shrugged your shoulders

“Bed it is then” the blonde spaniard said and both of you knew there's no room for discussion

It took a little bit of shuffling before Lucy and you got comfortable in bed as Ona leaves as promised to sleep in the guest bedroom

You woke up hours later to an empty bed the sun already standing high in the sky as you rolled over and out of bed. You padded barefoot into the kitchen to find your sister sitting at the table books and papers spread out in front of her.

“Hey” you said tiredly scratching your head

“Hey Bubs” she looked up at you smiling “Good sleep?”

“Mhm” you hummed as you fell down on a chair beside her

“How are you feeling Bubs?” she asked and you could tell she genuinely cares

“Tired... kinda burned out... like my body wants to shut down but somehow it keeps going... my brain is not function and still runs a million miles an hour” you answer honestly and for the first time you were completely honest with your sister

“What happened at home... I know my birthday was just an excuse to flee mom and dad... probably more mom” Lucy leaned back in her chair to look at you

“I just.... I felt so alone Luce... you and Keira were gone... Jorge and Sophie have their own families... yeah, the girls are great... you know Tooney and Mearps are always there but they're not you... or Keira” you said and shrugged your shoulders looking down

“I'm sorry Bubs... I really am... I actually thought you knew that you can always call me... or text me... or send a pigeon” your sister leaned forward again taking your hand in hers “I may not be in the same country but I'm always there for you Bubs”

“What could you have done when I got expelled from school?” you asked getting upset that Lucy didn't get you

“You what?” Lucy looked at you confused

“I got expelled because I snapped at some girls who said stupid stuff” you said guilty starting to chew on your lip

“Tell me about it” your sister said after a moment of silence “I really want to know what made YOU snap”

“They were talking shit about you and some other players... you know... sexual shit... I mean I can ignore most stuff... I'm used to people drool and swoon over you but this... went to far” you explained getting kind of embarrassed

“Oh Bubs” your sister sighed out “I know it's hard to be my little sister – and I don't speak about the distance or the late night games or always being the baby of every team I join... but you can't snap at people.. not because of me or my name or my career but because of you... you are such an good loving caring person – I don't want people to think otherwise because the witness one incident”

“Do you know how it feels when people rate you top or bottom compared to other players? And not once but for WEEKS... and then proceed to ask questions about certain players and when I didn't answers they wouldn't leave me alone and pester me every fucking chance they got... do you know how it feels if you get asked in the middle of the class if you could top Leah... or Beth... of for god sakes JILL ROORD” you finally broke your silence about what happened and of course your sister was the reason for it. You didn't said anything about the topic to your principal – or your parents. You just took your punishment and the disappointed looks from your parents and just went on. Your Dad decided after some days it probably would do you some good to clear your head somewhere else and shipped you off to Lucy – much to your mothers dismay but she let you go once your dad reasoned with her about Lucys birthday surprise.

“I'm sorry...” your sister started after you took in what you said but you interrupted her immediately “... stop say you're sorry... it doesn't change anything if you're sorry or not” you leashed out at her feeling yourself getting angry “... I need coffee for this...” you said before standing up and going to the guestroom to chance and make ready to go out.

Your sister cleared the table while you went to change into some shorts and a simple white sleeveless compression shirt you obviously stole from Lucys wardrobe. As you re-entered the kitchen there were two cups of coffee on the table your sister sitting in her chair again waiting for you to sit down so you could continue talking

“I'm not drinking your shitty filter coffee...” you said grimacing at the cup

“It's from the good machine okay...” she rolled her eyes while she pointed to the shiny porta filter machine standing on the end of the counter “... you're such a coffee snob”

“Just because you don't have any taste buds left due to your old age” you fired back grinning but carefully took a sip of the cup “....yeah... acceptable” you said after a second

“We still need to talk Bubs...” Lucy redirected your conversation to the earlier topic “... what's going on?”

“Honestly.. I don't know Luce... I just... I get angry so quickly... I get upset even quicker... mom and dad are SO annoying... I don't really know what's going on... the only time I really calm down and can relax is when I'm with G” you try to explain but feel like you fail miserably

“Yeah... we need to talk about that too.. but.. one step at a time... you're a teenager Bubs... of course mom and dad are annoying... about the anger... what makes you angry? Are there specific situations? Like do you get triggered by something?” Lucy said empathic offering you a little smile

“I... don't know.. sometimes it's like someone clicked a switch in my brain and I get so so angry... I punched a hole in a wall in spring Luce... I don't even know why” you said defeated

“You need to get that anger out of you... in a healthy way... I'm going to talk to mom and dad – you're staying with me for the next few month... we're going to work on your anger management... I already have an Idea how... what do you think of boxing?” your sister said putting a hand on your shoulder for support “And I want you to talk to me... about everything...”

“Everything? Really?” you raised an eyebrow “Did you know that you can legally buy sextoys...” you started as Lucy slapped her hand over your mouth

“NOT everything... I'm not interested in that... in my world you're still a virgin and you will die a virgin” Lucy interrupted you quickly having a horrified look on her face

“Really... I'd die a virgin? But you can have girlfriends and sex? In front of me!” you asked baffled

“First... THAT was an accident... I didn't know you were coming...” Lucy started

“Neither did you apparently” you mumbled smirking

“Ugh... stop with the sexual innuendos” your sister rolled your eyes “And yes... you'd die a virgin”

“Yeah... kinda too late for that I'm afraid” you shrugged your shoulders

“I mean... you did spill a lot yesterday but how did THAT happen anyway?” Lucy asked calmly

“Would you believe me if I'd say G slipped and her fingers..” you smirked evil

“Not THAT... the whole getting into a relationship with Georgia” your sister rolled her eyes again

“She didn't want to at first... you know... she said you would kill us both... and that I should be able to have a relationship with someone who can openly declare how much they love me.... and then there's the age gap... which apparently is a big issue for some people... I wouldn't let her run away... It's all on me, so if you want to kill someone you need to kill me” you said quietly hoping Lucy would understand

“I mean... I understand her... you're 16 Bubs... and even if it was all consensual she's older... it's dangerous – for both of you... no one will listen to you if this comes out... but I also understand you – I know you got a good head on your shoulders and I know you know about the consequences and thought carefully about it” Lucy said thoughtfully

“I didn't choose to fall for her Luce... but I did” you said sadly thinking your sister would forbid you to see your girlfriend again

“I know Bubs... love isn't something you choose... Love is something that's just happening – and most of the time it's happening when you least expect it” your sister said softly “You have two options now... you either break up with her or you need to be really REALLY sneaky”

“I love her Luce... I know there's a lot at stake for her but I love her... and she loves me” you said quietly

“Then you need to learn to sneak around” your sister smiled encouraging

“Like you and Ona?” you asked a smile tugging on your lips

“Like me and Ona” your sister confirmed

“You do realize the fans already caught on, yeah... you have a ship name... but don't worry... it's not as bad as Wonze” you grinned

“You loved Wonze” Lucy shakes her head

“I loved the W in Wonze... but the ship name itself... not a fan – it sounds so harsh... like a sumo guy” you said thoughtful “But the new one is better... they call you Luna... Lucy... Ona... Luna... kinda cute”

“Isn't Luna that yappy Dog from Mrs. Kean down the road?” Lucy asked confused

“Was... got run over... chased a squirrel... truck... yeah...” you explained shrugging your shoulders once again

“Uh... I feel sorry for Mrs. Kean... she's a nice lady” your sister scratched her chin

“So... you won't forbid me to see G again?” you asked carefully

“Honestly... I'm not a fan but I couldn't stop you anyway... I will do everything to support you I swear but I also WILL talk to Georgia about it” Lucy said seriously

“Oh Luce cooome oon.. please... no” you whined “you'll scare her away”

“I'm your big sister... it's my job to scare girlfriends off” Lucy smirked widely

“I don't scare your girlfriends off” you huffed

“My girlfriends see you as the cute little helpless Bean... they don't take your threats seriously” your sister continued to smirk “But you could actually call your girlfriend and let me have a talk with her”

“No...” you said shaking your head hard

“Oh yes...” she just grinned at you

“You can't make me...” you pouted

“I can call her too, you know... I have her number” your sister mused

“But I'm not leaving... you can talk to her but I will be right here.. and if I think it gets to much I WILL stop you... and if I have to kick your bad knee” you said quickly

“I will go light on her I promise... for now” Lucy wriggled her eyebrows

You pulled out your phone opening your contacts clicking on Georgias contact waiting for the face time call to connect which didn't take long

“Hey Baby” you heard Georgias soft voice before the call connected fully “Everything okay?”

You saw her before she could see you – and your sister who was perched over your shoulder smirking evilly. But you knew exactly the second the call fully connected as your girlfriend squeaked out a “Shit... the other Bronze” and hung up on you.

You looked at your dark screen perplex while Lucy bursted out laughing behind you

“She knows she just blew your cover without blowing it” Lucy continued to laugh as you just stared at your phone

“She can't be fucking serious???!!!” you bursted out already trying to phone her girlfriend again

“Text her first” Lucy advice you “She thinks she just fucked up – tell her it's okay and to call you back once she re-joins the land of the living... you probably gave her a coronary”

You tipped out a quick message before putting your phone down

“YOU gave her a fucking coronary grinning like a fucking maniac right behind me...” you snapped at your sister waiting for your girlfriend to answer

“Calm down... breath Bubs” Lucy said her voice low sensing you're getting angry again

“I'm sorry...” you said shyly after you took a few deep breaths

“You're all good... but we definitely need to do something about that anger” your sister smiled at you

“What were you doing earlier?” you asked not wanting to talk about anger anymore

“Learning spanish” your sister answered understanding your need to change the subject

“Speaking of... where's the spaniard?” you wondered looking around to see if you could spot Ona

“Which one? The pretty, the flawless or the colourful one?” Lucy smirked at you

“Ooooh goood” you groaned letting your head hit the table with a loud “thud”

“Don't worry... none of them took it seriously... Aitana was kinda horrified when you were two centimetres away from her face calling her flawless and then telling her she could do better than dating me, but all of them knew I overdosed you and to not listen to you” your sister chuckled as she rubbed your back comfortingly “Alexia even went so far to actually answer to you calling her pretty spaniard... but to answer your question... she's at the Beach with some of the girls... it's our day off and the weather is nice enough so they decided on Beach”

Your head shot up grinning widely “Wanna play a game??”

“What did your brain vomitted out now?” Lucy asked carefully knowing you can be quiet the prankster – years of hanging out with Millie Bright, Rachel Daly and now Ella Toone and Alessia Russo took it's toll on your behaviour.

“You think I could pull of another day of overdosement?” you smirked

“Overdosement is not a word... but I pay you 50 bucks if you can pull trough for an hour without Keira catching on” Lucy smirked back holding out her hand for you to seal the deal

“Kei's there... now THAT'S a challenge” you grinned and shook your sisters hand

“Let's go then... you can take some of my stuff – like that compression shirt” Lucy said offhandly as she stood up from the table and went into her bedroom to get some beach friendly clothes

“It looks better on me anyway” you yelled after her as your phone started to ring

“Hey G” you greeted your girlfriend lightly smiling brightly as you saw her face again

“NEVER do that again... I swear I died – dead... possibly twice!!” your girlfriend stressed through the phone

“I'm sorry Luv... she made me call you... well... not really made me but she said either I call you or she would.... I thought it would be damage control if I'd call” you explained quickly peering down the hallway if your sister would come back

“So... she knows?” Georgia asked carefully

“Oh yeah... she knows..” you sighed out “... she overdosed my painkillers and I spilled the beans quiet happily as I was told... I'm sorry”

“As much as I wish it would have happened another way... ANY other way... I'm kinda glad she knows... I mean... I still think she will kill me but trying to pretend to just be friends when she was around was hard... so hard when all I wanted to kiss...”

“Stop right there Stanway” suddenly Lucy appeared behind you which made you swear loudly

“Jesus fucking Christ Mary Mother of God!!!! LUCY!” you yelled scared as you slammed your phone upside down on the table out of reflex to “hide” your girlfriend from your sister

“I'm sorry!!” Georgia yelled out as she was met with a dark screen where your face was just seconds before

“Oh you're going to be sorry once I get my hands on you....” Lucy started before looking at you “turn your phone around... how should I threaten her properly if she doesn't see my face??”

“She KNOWS what you look like, genius” you rolled your eyes “she's seen your face before”

“But she was never at the receiving end of my glare” your sister whined which made her “thread” kind of useless

“Lucy I swear... I won't hurt her...” your girlfriend said her voice was serious and honest as you turned your phone again so she was met with the face of Lucy and you “.... I love her”

“You better not hurt her Stanway... you may be my friend and teammate... but she's my baby sister... if you hurt her I'm going to break your legs” Lucy said and you knew she was serious about it

“Isn't it... “I'm going to break your neck”?” you asked confused

“She's a football player... broken legs are far more scary than a broken neck” your sister grinned and winked at you

“Good point” you mused grinning

“Ehrm.. excuse me?! We're talking my legs here” G interrupted you two

“You have very nice legs” your eyes shining knowing you could rile up your sister “very VERY nice legs”

“No... nope... uh-hu... don't finish that thought....” Georgia stopped you quickly knowing what you were thinking “... I'm about to go to training, you can't think about that right now... AND... your sister is right next to us”

“There will be a moment where she's going to walk in on us... which won't make us anywhere near even but it's a start” you said and can't stop grinning

“You were so innocent once” Lucy whined as she finally caught on what you were talking about

“Yeah well.. my room was right next to yours and the walls were very thin” you shot back which made Georgia laugh out loudly

“At least you learned from the best” your Sister shot back immediately

“Yeah... Keira explained quite a bit” you acted like you thought about something particular

“OI” you heard from both women

“What... I always ask Kei if I have questions...” you shrugged your shoulders “... it's not like she showed me or something”

“Okay... that's enough... G... training – go be great... y/n... do whatever... gosh... I feel like mom” Lucy huffed

You chuckled lightly at your sisters antics, shot Georgia a quiet “I love you” before hanging up, looking at your sister expectantly

“What are we doing now? I'm bored” you whined

“Beach?” Lucy smirked at you

“And what should I wear? Should I go naked?” you rolled your eyes

“I do own bikinis” your sister shot back also rolling her eyes

“Do I look like I wear bikinis?” you gestured down your body

“Shorts and a bikini top?” Lucy negotiated “Bubs you look great.. you know that – but if you feel more comfortable in shorts or even sweats – which would be a bad idea here in Barca because it's like hot hot but even then – I want you to be comfortable”

“It's just... my knees... I don't want to answer questions” you said quietly

“No one will ask questions Bubs... I'll make sure of it” your sister laid her hand on your shoulder and squeezed reassuringly

“Maybe bikini with shorts?” you asked insecure

“Sure Bubs...” Lucy smiled softly as she stood up and got different bikinis for you to choose from

“Should I send G some pictures?” you grinned “Bet I can make her walk into a door”

“Let her be... she needs to train... she needs a lot of stamina for next camp” your sister waved off not wanting to get involved in your antics

“I like the way you think... stamina is always good” you grinned

“Not for that... she will run a lot” now it was Lucy who grinned

“You can't make her run... you're not captain” you said as a matter of fact

“Oh but she will run... away from me” your sisters grin widen and got an evil look

“No... Lucy no... please... you said yourself we need to be careful... and you chasing her around won't help with that because all the girls will ask questions and yeah... please Luce” you actually begged your sister to leave your girlfriend be

“Bubs you don't understand... I NEED to do it... it's basically big sister law” Lucy ruffled your hair and you knew you wouldn't be able to stop her anyway

“Just... make it subtle” you sighed out rubbing your temple

“I'll see what I can do” she grinned as she grabbed a bag which was next to the door and grabbed her car keys “Come on Bubs... it's Beach time... oh... and don't forget to act overdosed”

“Okay... I need more pointers... what did I do yesterday... I need to be convincing” you immediately were distracted by your sisters comment

“Oh god... I don't even know where to begin..” Lucy laughed as she opened the door letting you step outside first.

That's it folks... it's a wrap for Part 6...

Next time on “Living with the Bronzes”

– Beach shenanigans with Mapí

– trying to convince Keira of being high again

– Ona on babysitting duty

– Alexia trying to keep the everything and everyone under control

and Lucy deciding to just sit back, relax and drink Sangria

[eowynstwin]

Hi everyone. It's been a while—exactly a month since I last posted to this blog. How have you been?

A month isn't really all that long, but it's enough time to be able to look at everything that happened and understand it better. In the end, the whole situation (I've been calling it The Fuckening in my head) really didn't have anything to do with me. I was unlucky enough to run across someone willing to hurt anyone they could for attention, but also lucky enough that everyone who mattered to me in this fandom went to bat for me.

So I’ve decided to come back to this blog. I'll be posting about call of duty again as well as posting my writing. I also plan to blog about other fandoms (I’d already been doing it anyway); I've been getting back into rdr2, for example, and there's some writing I'd like to do for that.

There’s more context which I’ll put below the cut, but that’s the most important part of what I have to say; I often regret how long winded I can be, so the rest is just self indulgence if you can forgive it. I’ve thought a lot about this choice and I’m satisfied with my decision. I hope none of you will mind.

So, lol, things were not great outside of fandom stuff when it all kicked off, though I didn’t mention it publicly because we all know by now that asking for any sympathy when you’re the target of a mob is more likely to just get you raked over the coals harder. I’m still not entirely sure about talking about all of this, but I have a bad tendency to clam up when I really should be asking for support. So:

I mentioned briefly before the accusations started flying that I was dealing with bedbugs—turns out it was actually something else, but leading up to a doctor’s visit I was convinced I had an infestation, and I was stripping my bed every day to look for them. I had alarms set to wake me up twice a night to see if I could catch them, so I was not sleeping all that well. I couldn’t find anything, but I had no other explanation, and it was driving me fucking crazy. Post doctor visit it turns out I had a viral infection. No idea where I caught it, and nothing to do but wait it out. I had a massive, gnarly looking rash all over my body, and to add insult to injury I developed a fever that took me out for a whole weekend. (I’m recovered now but I have a nifty new scar on my hip from getting a biopsy.)

Next to that, I was having some PTSD flareups of my own. This was (mostly) unrelated to The Fuckening. Now, I understand that that might be hard to believe, given “Myka’s” claims, and I can’t make you believe me. Nor will I provide details to convince you, other than to say there were some things going on in my neighborhood that recalled a period of time in my life that was extremely unstable, and I found myself irrationally terrified to go home every day. For those of you who don’t experience the symptoms of PTSD, I think it’s appropriate to note that it isn’t just emotional turmoil; I, personally, experience physical pain in my entire body that lingers for hours, days, or even weeks after being triggered. (Everything regarding this, too, is fine now. I have a great therapist and a supportive family.)

All of this to say, I wasn’t exactly thinking rationally when I decided to leave this blog and fandom. And I regretted the decision almost instantly.

However, I didn’t want to let grief make any decisions for me, and also I was still VERY scared Myka was going to hunt down my personal information and either dox or harass me elsewhere. I think this fear was justified; it has happened to other writers in this fandom before.* So I decided to take some time to cool off and watch the situation develop without me.

I don’t think I need to get into the details—although if you’re interested in them, @fulltacs has been keeping track of the drama. Given the most recent development with the four obviously sock puppet blogs that popped up and immediately began stirring shit up again, I realized Myka probably would have done what she did with or without me. I just so happened to give her the ammunition she needed to do something REALLY big. It was pure bad luck.

(Also—and I’m sorry if this is just stirring the pot, but after everything they did to me I feel I deserve to make the accusation—I’ve suspected for a while that the two loudest blogs leading the witch hunt against me were far more involved in this farce than anyone has assumed. I have no proof and I do not want anyone to do anything about it on my behalf, leave them the fuck alone. But I will not forget the distress they caused me for a long fucking time, and the only way for me to let this go is to say my piece. So there. Done. Let that be the end of it.)

Having this hindsight, I feel comfortable coming back. I’m still very touched by everyone’s support, which in the end was louder than the harassment. I also think it’s important for people who care about fighting racism in any community not to run at the first sign of trouble, which I did, and I feel pretty sorry for.

That’s the gist of things. If you’ve read all of this, thank you for doing so!

*I was going to add a paragraph about halfmoth-halfman’s situation but decided against it. For one thing, she wants to be left alone, and for another, talking about the experiences of fans of color, particularly black fans, deserves its own post separate from my white experience, if I should even post about it at all.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Brother Mine (Winchester!Reader x Sam and Dean Winchester PLATONIC)

@xweirdo101x Hello, hope you are having a good day/nightI was wondering if I could request a Sam and Dean having an older brother (maybe by one or 2 years)  maybe they haven't seen reader in a couple years. The brother's finally get to see reader when he pulls them out of trouble?

(okay, author's note in that Sam is 22 at the start of the show and Dean is 26. The show spans the same amount of time as in the real world, technically, so Sam ends the show at 37 while Dean ends it at 41. Meaning this elder brother is probably 28 at the start and ends it 43. Good lord, that show went on for a while lol)

"So, explain to me why the two of you chuckleheads are in jail in freaking Kentucky? Because last I heard, Sam was going to college in California and you were still hunting boogeymen with Dad."

The two young men in front of you share a glance as you bail them out of some podunk town's drunk tank.

"Dad's... in trouble." Sam sighs, finally, to a harsh glare from Dean.

"Good riddance to bad assholes." you growl, and Dean clenches his fist

You and your little brothers don't exactly have a great relationship.

With the better part of seventeen years of your lives dedicated to hunting what lies in the darkness, spurred on by your domineering and obsessive father, Dean always has blamed you for "abandoning the family" and "breaking Dad's heart" because you left the life at nineteen and left seventeen year old Dean and thirteen year old Sam behind.

You did the amateur boxing circuit for a while before you were hired on to an indie security company and ended up catching the eye of the owner who trained you until you took over, eventually buying the company and running it.

You know a lot of your money was sent to help pay off any expenses Sam had, but you don't know if it was used for that or blown for motel stays or alcohol or sawed-off-shotguns or salt slugs for Dean and John.

You tried to stay in touch with Sam, but it was awkward. And he wanted space away from "family."

So you know neither of them would ever contact you unless something real bad happened (and apparently Dean's grudge was so strong that he wouldn't even inform you that John went missing)

Though to be perfectly honest, it wouldn't really matter to you anyway, and that's a matter to discuss with your therapist.

"I can't believe you called him." Dean grumbles, like a child.

"Sam apparently knew you'd need a responsible adult." you snark, and he grimaces. "Now, care to tell me why you're road-tripping?"

Sam looks at you. "My girlfriend. Jess. Whatever got Mom... it got her too."

"And you think that Dad is close to tracking it down and that's why he vanished." you sigh.

"Lemme guess, you're gonna tell us that there's nothing that goes bump in the night?" Dean sneers, looking at Sam.

"No, I'm not. I'm gonna tell you that it's not your job to chase it. It's not your duty."

"We save people. We hunt things. It's the family business." Dean growls.

"Jesus, Dean, do you hear how you sound?" you groan. "It's this kind of obsession that I tried to get away from! A terrible thing happened to Mom, and there was nothing any of us could do to stop it. It's not our fault, and it's not our responsibility to chase whatever did it down!"

"It's just gonna keep hurting people. We've seen it happening. It's gathering other people like Sam."

"Fuck." you growl.

Dean senses an in. "You were even better than me, back in the day. Remember when you ganked that skinchanger?"

He says "you were only 14" with as much reverence and awe as you do disgust and shame.

"I can't convince either of you to... let the chips fall where they may?"

"Nope." Dean pops the "p" sound.

"Sorry, no." Sam adds.

"I don't wanna kill things anymore, Dean. Not even bad things. But I do care about you both. So here. I'm going to help you, on one condition. We're going to all come back to my place in California, and Sam is going to apply to fucking law school, and you're gonna think about what you really want with your life, Dean."

They think.

They look at each other.

They nod.

"Welcome back." Dean grins.

"You better not still drive that shitty Impala and listen to crappy 80s rock."

Sam winces.

[laora-ryn]

So I've been rotating TMAGP in my head like a rotisserie chicken and. You know what happened in one incident report, I never thought about it too hard, and it hasn't come up again?

In the Voyeur episode, after Tom arrived at the movie theater, his audio started being corrupted. But not in a way that... Really makes sense? It's just that every so often, Chester would read out "[UNINTELLIGIBLE]" instead of whatever words Tom wrote and/or said into his phone

And I'm like. Where and when and why did the distortion happen? Was it during the recording itself, because of the supernatural nature of the theater? Was it when he uploaded it to the internet? Was it when Freddy archived it? Or was it when Chester read it out?

Because we have audio of Needles, Mr. Bonzo, Lady Mowbray, and Ink5oul recorded off a modern cell phone. We have audio recorded in Ink5oul's various hunting grounds, and in Mr. Bonzo's house. Hell, we have audio recorded from Sam's phone in the Magnus Institute. It only switched to the tape recorder when they got to the archivist's office

So it's not necessarily a supernatural creature, or a place steeped in the supernatural, that's distorting it

And I don't know, maybe this is a reach, but the other time we've seen bracketed all-caps text within otherwise normal transcript stuff is with our good friend [ERROR] from episode 10

So now I'm wondering, what made Tom's incident report special? More special than RedCanary's spelunking in the ruins of the Magnus Institute? More special than universe-hopping Darrien, who very likely ran into some version of Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood in his therapist's office?

The distorted lines below the break, with a best guess of what might've been there:

Is it a private screening just for me? The contest didn't mention *that.* That's, [UNINTELLIGIBLE], cool, actually. I'm going to head on in... Hang on a sec.

Possibly: "uh," "really"

Snacks acquired! They're obviously short-staffed, since it was the same guy working the concession stand. I feel bad. He looks super old and they're really putting him to work. He seems in good spirits though. Okay... [UNINTELLIGIBLE] find my seat!

Possibly: "I'm gonna," "time to"

So I'm almost done with my popcorn and the film hasn't even started yet. No previews or anything... Do I go talk to the old guy? I really hate [UNINTELLIGIBLE] bother him. I'm just going to wait for now.

Possibly: "to," "having to"

So it's been a minute, and the screen is still black. I can hear what sounds like... beeping. It sounds so familiar but I can't quite place it. Medical equipment maybe? There's something [UNINTELLIGIBLE] the screen... Looks like it might be a flashback or something, handheld... looks like it was filmed on an old camcorder...

Possibly: "appearing on," ?

I know that room.... How... How did they get [UNINTELLIGIBLE] This was after the accident. Mum wanted to film it for my brothers... Dad... I... [UNINTELLIGIBLE] Wait. Who is that? In the corner of the screen, there's... _(soft, more shocked than anything)_ Who the hell is that?

All of the other breaks were inconsequential, basically. Dropped helper words, filler words, easily inferable verbs. It's just this last paragraph that we're actually missing information?

So no real... Revelations here, I guess, I just think it's weird that this is the only time we've seen this kind of thing happen and wanted to type it up??

[bots-and-cons]

Can you mayhaps do a continuation of the guardian cybertronian (you did two parts already)

But maybe some fluff with them and ratchet (or Magnus) please

Just some headcanons or stuff like that

I was feeling like some Ratty fluff, so I continued from the last part. You can find part 1 here and part 2 here with Ratchet. I might have gone more in a bittersweet direction, rather than just fluff, but I enjoyed writing this, also pretty long for HCs

•You recovered well and Ratchet kept constant tabs on your condition, so if something were to happen he was aware

•Even though you recovered, and got back to swinging your sword, you didn’t quite feel like participating in the fighting

•You had to reevaluate what you wanted to do with your life

•You’d always done what was asked of you, you had done your duty, but what was that now

•What was your duty now that your planet was dead and you were alone with no one to answer to?

•You didn’t even particularly care about the relic anymore, some dusty piece of technology that had cost so many lives

•Ratchet noticed you were holding yourself sort of separate from the team, even as time passed

•You didn’t really feel like you belonged, you didn’t know any of the autobots on earth and you just sort of felt alone

•Apparently your fellow knights, at least the ones that stayed on cybertron, had been hunted down and killed in the hands of the decepticons

•However Ratchet also told you some of the knights had joined the cons, which you had a very hard time accepting, though as far as anyone on the team knew, no knights were on earth aside from you

•When Ratchet graduated medical school or whatever, the war hadn’t started yet

•He worked in a hospital and he had a lot of colleagues he was friends with, people he had studied together with and worked with 

•But when the war started, he was forced into the field as a medic, surrounded by other cybertronians he didn’t know and an ever changing cast of faces as some died and new recruits joined the fight

•He didn’t exactly have time to make friends, and since he was running around all the time, he didn’t even spend enough time with the same bots to really get to know anyone

•So Ratchet could certainly relate to what you were feeling, he knew what it was like to be ripped away from your life and friends and just thrown into the middle of something you wanted nothing to do with

•You and Ratchet sort of bonded over that, but Ratchet made sure you knew you could also find a family in the team, just like he had

•You and Ratchet grew quite close in a short amount of time

•You didn’t really have all the trauma from the war he had, because you’d been sent to earth with the relic in the very early stages of the war

•So when Ratchet got pulled out of recharge mode by a nightmare, you were there to comfort him and calm him down

•Ratchet never admitted to anyone he had nightmares or that he was really even affected in any way, because he doesn’t want to put any burden on anyone else on the team 

•But since he found a sort of kinship in you and the two of you had an understanding he didn’t really mind

•You and Ratchet spend a lot of time alone at the base, because you’re not really up for going back to the fighting just yet

•So you have a ton of time to talk and use each other as therapists

•But at the same time you’re a bit nervous about getting too close to each other, because you’ve both lost so much and you don’t want to lose a single thing more

•You just resting your chin on top of his head with your arms around him while he works

•When there are others around things like that happen less, it’s like if the two of you keep the relationship to yourselves, no one else could affect it, no one could take it away

•The lingering touches here and there, the longing looks from across the room and the words whispered in the dead of night when you’re watching Ratchet recharge and you can tell him all the things you don’t have the courage to say when he’s awake

•Often times when Ratchet recharges, you just sit next to the berth, awake, just guarding him with your sword at the ready

•You haven’t had to use it yet, but you fear the day may come soon when you have to pick up your weapon again

•This time though, you would be fighting for yourself, and for someone you care about, not some archaic institution that only cared about preserving history and some dusty relics and not saving lives in the present

[bluestar22x]

The Weekend

Summary: Steve and Connie visit you and Javier in Texas; Connie realizes something new about you that changes everything.

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader (The same from my Sweet Summer Series - there is a mention of the reader having hair again, but no other details)

Rating: 18+ (to be safe)

Word Count: 3,790 (ish)

Warnings: Anxiety/angst, fluff, fowl language, pov changes, and mentions of pregnancy symptoms

Author’s Note: This can easily be read as a regular oneshot if you haven't read the series yet/don't want to. Anyway, I was so excited to write this one cause I've wanted to write Steve, Connie, and Chucho since all of last year, I just never thought of a plot for it until now. (Chucho still didn't get enough love here, but someday, maybe, it'll happen). Anyway, apparently I won't stop until pretty much every Pedro character is either a first time dad or a dad again. Sorry, not sorry.

xxx

The first time you met Steve and Connie Murphy was on a weekend in mid-November, the same year you'd started dating Javier Peña. They'd driven from Florida with their daughter Olivia to stay at the ranch for a few days, Steve's excuse being that duck hunting season had started in Texas and he needed to show Javier how to actually shoot one, claiming his ex-partner was a shit shot and that it might take all weekend, leading to Javier to grumble under his breath and you to laugh.

They'd hugged despite initial hesitance from Javier and when he relaxed in Steve's embrace you understood then who they were to each other. Brothers, in every sense of the word but blood.

It only made sense from everything you'd gathered from Javier's father, the town, and later Connie and Steve himself. Colombia had been like a war zone, and war zones forged strong bonds, even unlikely ones. Not that Steve and Javier were all that different, you thought. After all, they'd shared the same goals while working together as DEA agents, they'd shared a similar capacity to do what needed to be done to reach those goals, and they'd both come back home with enough nightmares and regrets to last more than a lifetime. Connie had told you about nights where Steve startled from his sleep and didn't return to bed until morning and you'd shared with her that you'd caught Javier doing the same many times while you'd been dating, wandering outside in the middle of the night clearly in an attempt to empty his head of whatever was bothering him. Some nights he still smoked a cigarette or two before returning, the bad habit sometimes the only thing that helped calm him down at first, until he'd made some real progress with his therapist.

It was safe to say your first time meeting Connie and Steve had been eye-opening. It had helped you understand your boyfriend all the more, and you were grateful to them. Not just for the insight, but also for them having been there for Javier before you could be, and for them still wanting to be.

The second time they'd visited the ranch you and Javier were getting married and naturally Steve had been Javier's best man. Connie had also kindly accepted your offer to be maid of honor, since you hadn't had any real friends after you'd graduated college. Besides, after the first day you'd spent around her, you could've easily called her your best friend over all of your past friends. Connie was a very nice person.

You all had briefly seen each other once more when you and Javier had stopped by their house for a meal before heading out to the Keys for your honeymoon and that visit had been just as pleasant, ending with goodbyes and promises for future visits. You planned to make sure the Murphy family would always be a part of your lives.

And so they were back on the ranch the following November, Steve reaching out for Javier even as he roasted him once again. "Have to keep coming back until Javi is finally able to hit a bird. Any bird at this rate will do."

"Shut up, Murphy," Javier growled, though he couldn't hide the smile pulling at the edges of his lips. That made you grin, and it only grew broader when they hugged once more. You loved that your husband had a friend who understood him; who knew him from his darkest days.

"Let's get you all inside," you eventually said, herding them all towards the house, little Olivia tugging on your shirt sleeve as you followed them, looking up at you all adorably with her big brown eyes and wavy dark hair. "Food soon?"

You beamed down at her. "Soon. I'll have it ready in a half hour sweetie." You ruffled her hair a bit and she smiled up at you pleasantly before running ahead of everyone to fall to her knees before Trix, your red and white Basenji. Trix started licking her face like crazy and the little girl's giggles in reaction made your heart soar.

Once in the ranch house, Steve and Connie dragged their suitcases upstairs, into Chucho's old room. Chucho had moved out into a smaller, remodeled house on the south side of the property after you and Javier had married in June, on the day that marked the first year anniversary of your first meeting and date. It had once been a house for employees to stay during peak ranching days, but he'd claimed it was the right size for an old man of his age. You knew the real reason was because he wanted you and Javier to have your own space, because, though he hadn't said the words, you were pretty certain like most parents, he was hoping to become a grandfather.

While Steve And Connie were upstairs with Olivia settling in, you and Javier worked in the kitchen to finish chomping up fresh vegetables for the tossed salad you'd wanted alongside the main course of grilled chicken tacos which you were careful to monitor as the meat cooked.

They had just turned up at the kitchen table with Olivia when Chucho walked in, dressed in the cleanest white button down shirt and pair of blue jeans you'd seen him in since your wedding day. Everyone was in their best casual clothes. It wasn't every day they all got to gather together, after all. And it was almost Thanksgiving.

"Afternoon everyone," Chucho said cheerfully, snatching his cream colored cowboy hat off his head to hang on a hook by the main door. "Ya waiting on me?"

"You are just in time," you told him, smiling. You loved Chucho. He was as much of a father to you as your own, though you'd never admit it for your father's sake.

He settled at the table with Steve and Olivia while you, Javier, and Connie started to set the food out on it. You were feeling great physically and emotionally until you seemed to spin around too fast with the salad and barely managed to hold onto it, getting dizzy with the movement. Javier noticed your sway and pressed a palm to the middle of your back to steady you, concern evident in his expression. "Are you alright?" he inquired, frowning.

You nodded quickly. "I'm good." You weren't sure what had come over you, not being the type of person to easily get light headed, but you were feeling fine again as soon as the moment had passed so it was easy to brush off.

"Maybe you should see a doctor," Javier said lowly, only loud enough for you and a close by Connie to hear. Her eyes darted towards you both, and you could see the curiosity his words had peaked in her.

"You've been getting dizzy a lot lately," he continued.

"I'll set one up after the weekend," you promised him, more so he wouldn't draw the attention of any of your other guests. Whether you actually would or not was still up for debate. To you a little dizziness here and there wasn't enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. It was probably just a consequence of you being tired. You'd done some overtime at work recently and it had worn you down. You'd been going to bed early the previous four or five nights yet still hadn't made up for it. "But I feel fine, Javi. I swear."

He seemed satisfied with that for the time being, though he did insist on guiding you to the table to sit and had Connie finish helping him lay everything out.

The rest of dinner was pretty normal, filled with general chit chat about things like how Chucho and Javier were getting the cattle ready for winter, though it never got too cold in Texas, and how Olivia was adjusting to being in kindergarten.

Connie of all people seemed distracted the entire time, pondering, like she had something on her mind but wasn't sure how to say it. You were so concerned with her distant look that you almost didn't catch Javier sneaking a piece of chicken to Trix. Almost.

"Javi!" you exclaimed, dismayed, even though you'd suspected for a while that he'd been doing it. "No wonder she begs for food now!"

He gave you a sheepish look and Steve grinned from his seat on the other side of him. "Going soft in your old age, Jav."

Javier huffed and you giggled. You knew it wasn't because of his age though. He and his father had both always had a soft spot for dogs.

After that you forgot about how odd Connie was acting until you both cleared the dishes from the table and began washing them in the sink.

"I don't want to be nosy," she whispered to you just loud enough to hear over the background noise of everyone else still talking at the table, "But I can't help it. Do you think you could be pregnant?"

Her question caught you off guard and you starred at her, frozen in place with a soapy dripping plate still in your hands. "You think I could be?"

"Javi said you've been light headed a lot lately," Connie stated, "And you told me just the other day you've been tired. And you also mentioned eating something that hadn't agreed with you. You said you almost threw up."

The cheeseburger you'd had Wednesday night. You hadn't thought about it since.

You glanced around to make sure no one had gotten up from the table. "Are you suggesting it wasn't bad meat?"

"Might not have been," she replied. "I've been around enough pregnant mothers in my nursing career to know greasy foods can trigger morning sickness in them, especially at night."

"Ironic," you quipped. Calling that pregnancy symptom morning sickness was very misleading.

Connie gave you a stern look and waited.

"I shouldn't be," you told her eventually, leaning back against the counter. "I mean, we're not using as much protection as we used to, but I'm still on birth control."

"Any chance you missed a pill or two?" she inquired.

You pursed your lips as you thought about it and bit down on your bottom one after. "It's possible," you admitted. "I do get forgetful sometimes. Usually I'm pretty good about taking prescriptions, but..."

"Are you late?" she interrupted.

You didn't have to think about the answer for that one since your birth control pills always warned you when it was coming. "I might be a few days late. It's not outside the norm for me, but it's also not really inside it either since the pills are really good at keeping me on a strict schedule."

She nodded. "You have any tests here?"

"I have a few in the master bathroom," you told her.

She craned her head towards the table. "Mind finishing the clean up boys?" she called out. Javier and Steve gave you both puzzled looks but when she explained you wanted to show her something upstairs they agreed to do so with Olivia's help.

You watched briefly from the bottom of the stairs as Steve hoisted her up to sit on the countertop and Javier said something to her that wasn't quite loud enough for you to hear before booping her nose with a soap sudded finger, making her giggle, and your heart swelled.

He was so good with her.

Minutes later, Connie sat patiently on the bench in front of your bed while you took three pregnancy tests in the attached bathroom, to be extra sure, and took your hand in hers when you joined her to wait, nervously bouncing your leg up and down.

"Have you and Javi talked about having kids before?" she asked gently.

"Of course we have," you answered with a sigh. "But we also agreed to wait a year before I got off the pill."

You weren't sure if you were quite prepared for it yet, but you knew you could ultimately handle whatever the results were, adapt your plans. What made you nervous was Javier. He was only just starting to find his peace, his healing, as much as anyone who'd been through what he had could. You weren't sure he'd be ready yet.

"I'm sure he'll be okay," Connie said knowingly, giving your hand a squeeze. "He's a good man and he loves you. I've never seen that man look at anyone like he does you."

The timer you'd set on your watch started beeping obnoxiously and you bolted for the sink where you'd placed the tests, anxiously scanning their result windows. There were two lines in each, which meant that they were all positive.

Without a doubt, you were pregnant.

Despite your concerns over how Javier would handle the news in that moment you were joyful, tears immediately flooding your eyes. Before meeting Javier you had lost all hope you'd ever get the chance to be a mother, but there you were, staring at three sticks that confirmed you would be one. You beamed at Connie when you walked back into the bedroom and she smiled back at you. "Congratulations."

You pitched into her arms and she squeezed you a little. "You're going to be a great mom. And if you need any advice, I'm one call away. Not that you can't call your mom too."

You chuckled as you also held onto her a little tighter. "I'm sure I'll need all the advice I can get."

You were fully aware that while you had wanted to be a mom for as long as you could remember, you hadn't had lots of interactions with babies. Olivia had hardly been a toddler anymore when you'd first met the Murphy family and you'd been an only child with an uncle and aunt who hadn’t had any kids.

"You'll do great," Connie assured you as you pulled away and wiped at your tear stained cheeks with the backs of your hands.

You nodded. It was comforting to know she believed in you and that she'd be there if you needed her help. She may have not known what it was like to be pregnant because she and Steve had adopted Olivia while in Colombia, but you knew her advice would always be solid because she was an amazing mother. Everything you hoped you would be.

You glanced towards the hallway. "Should I tell him now?"

"Delaying it won't make it easier," she told you wisely, grasping your elbow. "Do you want me to send him up here?"

"That would be great, thanks," you said gratefully.

She smiled sweetly at you. "No problem."

With that she left the room and you paced as you waited for Javier to show up. You couldn't remember a time you'd ever been more nervous - and you'd had major anxiety every time you'd taken exams in college.

"Connie said you wanted to see me?" he questioned as he strolled into your shared bedroom less than a minute later. When he saw the stress on your face his expression grew concerned once more. "What happened? Are you feeling okay? Did you get light headed again?"

You shook your head furiously. "No. No, Javi." You approached him and cupped his face. "I'm fine. I promise. I just know why I've been off now."

"What is it?" he inquired, stance still tense with worry. He searched your eyes with his dark ones as if they could answer for you.

"We're going to be parents," you told him, barely above a whisper.

He jerked his head away from your hand and blinked at you, stunned. "You're pregnant?"

You gave him a single nod to confirm and he gaped at you before wrapping you up in his arms and burying his face in your hair. "Oh, mi amor."

You melted in his hold after his initial reaction and hugged him back. "You're not upset?"

He pulled away from you and frowned. "You thought I'd be upset?"

You folded your arms over your chest, slightly ashamed of your assumption. "I wasn't sure. You said you wanted to wait a year, and I agreed to it. I had every intention of waiting, but I think I might have forgotten a pill at some point. It was a mistake."

He shook his head and leaned forward to kiss your temple tenderly, then your lips, letting his forehead rest against yours after. "However this happened, any child of ours could never be a mistake, hermosa."

You felt the love in his words bloom in your chest, warming it, and you beamed up at him. "So you're happy?"

"Of course I am," he assured you, brushing his nose against yours.

You grinned wider and kissed him again. "You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that."

He smiled back at you, though it didn't reach his eyes.

You were too excited to retell the story of how Connie got you to take the three tests to see that it was a front.

x

Once you'd told him the whole story, you'd lead Javi downstairs to announce your news to Steve and Chucho as well, and they'd pulled you both in for hugs after giving their cheerful congratulations.

"I'm going to be a grandfather," Chucho had boasted proudly and you'd smiled at him fondly. "You sure are."

Javier had been overwhelmed with how happy everyone was for you both, and a part of him was undeniably happy too, but another part, the part that sat in the darkest corner of his mind, said he didn't deserve it. He'd barely accepted that he was good enough for you, he didn't think that could extend to an innocent baby who had no say in who their father was.

He put on a show until his father left for his house, then excused himself to go hang out on the front porch alone, watching as clouds rolled in for an evening rain. It was fitting for his mood.

He should have known Steve would follow him out, handing a beer to him like it was some kind of peace offering.

He popped off the lid of his own bottle and took a sip before leaning on a beam at the front of the porch, across from him.

"Javier Peña, father," he said with a smile playing on his lips. "I'm honestly surprised." He quirked his brows. "Not that you are going to be one, but rather that it took so long, considering your reputation back in Bogotá."

Javier tilted his head, giving it to him. He couldn't say he wasn't surprised that a woman hadn't come forward to tell him she was pregnant while he was in Colombia. It wasn't like he'd been totally irresponsible, but the odds had to have been stacked against it not happening just by pure numbers. He'd had casual sex as a form of stress relief while he was there, just like smoking, and he couldn't deny he'd been very stressed during those years, especially since he hadn't always been able to keep his heart out of some of those said casual relations.

"I don't know if I'm ready yet," he admitted to his friend. "We just got married not that long ago. It took me months of therapy to work up to proposing to her and then going through with it. She kept insisting I was enough for her, that as long as I loved her that was enough, but I always still had that doubt at the back of my head. A part of me telling me she could do better."

"She could," Steve stated plainly, taking another sip of his drink. "And what about Connie? You think I deserved her?"

Javier snorted. "No."

"Exactly!" Steve exclaimed, pointing the lip of his bottle at his shoulder and grinning. "But that's not the point! Something Connie and several sessions of couples therapy when I got back to Miami taught me is that marriage isn't about what anyone deserves. It's about what you're willing to do for your partner. Who you're willing to be for them. And it's the same with being a father. I was a mess when we found Olivia. I didn't know what I was doing. And I'm not going to lie, it wasn't easy, but I did eventually learn how to be the dad she deserves. If you want to be, chances are you will be. It's as simple as that."

Javier glanced down at the bottle in his hands and swished the liquid inside, trying to find his words. "I do...want to be," he told him quietly.

Steve nodded. "That's good to hear. Because the one thing your wife definitely does not deserve is you running out on her now."

Javier clenched his jaw. "I'd never do that to her!" he hissed, outraged at the mere idea of it. "Lorraine was different. I was different. Back then I had the thought that marrying her would hold me back from my dreams of seeing the world and making a difference. Now I know better." He adjusted his stance and met his friend's eyes before continuing, "And I know being a parent can be tough, whether or not you're as fucked up as I am, but I do want this, more than I ever imagined I would."

"Shit, Jav," Steve said, the edges of his mouth pulling up, "Don't tell me that. Tell her."

He was right. Though Javier was sure you hadn't noticed, he still needed to tell you all of it. To assure you that he loved you and that he was going to be there for you, the both of you.

He chuckled and Steve raised a brow at him, uncertain of what was so funny.

"You ever consider a side job as a shrink?" Javier smirked and Steve huffed at him. "Depends, you ever gonna hit a bird?"

"Fuck you. You distracted me last time!"

Steve nodded at him as an amused gleam sparked in his pale blue eyes. "Sure. Whatever you say, Jav."

He patted his shoulder. "See ya in the mornin'."

Javier grunted a goodnight to him and entered the house to find you waiting in the kitchen, a broad smile on your face. He realized then that the screen door's window had been open.

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked.

You strolled over to him and kissed him softly on the mouth. "Enough to know you're going to be a great father, whether you believe it or not."

"Say that again," he murmured against your lips, his heart feeling like it wanted to burst out of his chest.

You understood, you always did. You placed a hand over his heart. "You're going to be a father, Javi."

He grinned at you and scooped you up into his arms. "Thank you for that."

"I couldn't imagine having a baby with anyone else," you told him honestly, and the love in your eyes left no room for him to doubt it, so he didn't.

You spent the rest of the night in each other's arms.

xxx

Tagged: @angelofsmalldeath-codeine​ @yoursoulsunbreakable @harriedandharassed

xxx

Sweet Summer Series

New Year's Promise

Main Masterlist

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[theallianceofcelestials]

in your last post you mentioned an au youre working on. what is it about❓👀 got me interested ngl cuz the dimension w/ that old moon and sun is already kinda cool and i lwk want more of it. sso yk maybe share❓❓🙏👀

Oh golly, I didn't think someone would actually read my ramblings in the tags, haha

But yes, I'm helping a friend with an AU she's working on, and I'm helping her flesh some things out. This AU is a smaller part of the overall story.

My username is kind of a reference to it too, a little inside joke between her and I, lol. We've also created an AO3 account, which will be shared between us, but there's nothing on it yet. ╮(￣▽￣)╭

So, one of the biggest differences between the AU and the dimension shown in the episode "A Place Where It NEVER HAPPENED!!! in VRChat" is that Earth is there, as I've mentioned in the tags.

They've also all got codenames because the main AU is kinda centered around a collection of different dimensions, and I'll from now on, refer to the characters by these codenames.

Earth: Meadow

Sun: Daffodil

Moon: Waterfall

The other big difference is that The Creator is alive.

Funnily enough, Meadow was the first character to appear from this dimension, and her brothers came to be, when my friend and I started fleshing things out.

So, Waterfall never left any of his homicide code in Daffodil, much like the Moon from the episode. But unlike that Moon, he deals with the homicidal violent urges differently. He hunts animals, that his siblings cook so they all could eat it, or donate the meat/food, and he has punching bags in his room! And all around the house. His friendship with Monty hasn't really kicked off yet, since the events leading up to that never happened. And he has the Star still. Hid it better, than our Moon did, haha...

Since there was no killcode being left behind that could grow into an Eclipse, who in turn would make Bloodmoon, Daffodil has no July 16th related trauma. And technically, since there was no July 16th, Dazzle wouldn't be a thing either, now that I think about it. Or at least not how we know them. Huh. His personality is similar to early portrayals of Sun, friendly, energetic, gullible, with the tiniest bit of sass he has nowadays.

And Meadow is in the first Earth body, and thanks to her, Waterfall and Daffodil has healthier ways to solve issues that could come up. She's also adored by her big brothers, naturally, and they would do anything to make her happy. Waterfall offered to pay for her studies if she decides she'd like to be a licensed therapist, or anything else she'd wish to be.

And you can imagine the shovel talk to end all shovel talks, when the brothers find out Monty has taken a fancy to their dear baby sister, lol.

Waterfall's got all his bunkers, but they live on a nice secluded island instead of one of the bunkers. My friend is not yet sure if it's the same as the island house from canon or nah.

[theredpharaoah]

I think the writing for this was really sloppy. A lot of it didn’t make sense at all and they didn’t clear anything up at the end. The pacing was also bad. Everything happens in the last chapter, and the chapters after Chapter 7 go really quick(Jaime died trying to save Chris for me). Like Chapter 11-13 were literally just cut scenes.

From what I can understand; Augustine was part of some cult that worships the entity. She was a psychiatrist or therapist and had Frank Stone as a patient. I’m assuming that in order to get the entity to come to your realm, you need to essentially create a trial. 4 survivors, a killer, and some form of isolated environment. I think the survivors and the killer also need to be connected in some way, and maybe something with objects of power? I’m not understanding why she needed the timelines or how Frank Stone even made that portal though.

My best guess is that bleeding timelines somehow makes it easier for the entity to enter,

I understand DBD’s message is that there is no escape, but they had a chance to make sure this didn’t happen. With the time portal right there, you’d think they would’ve started trying to figure out how to use that to change stuff. If they could’ve stopped Frank Stone’s killings, he wouldn’t have been a prolific enough killer to draw the entity to our world. Sam not telling them what was going on seemed nonsensical. For a huge chunk of time they just weren’t doing anything in the 2024 timeline. And Sam said something about how he didn’t want to tell her so he didn’t tell her…??? It made no sense and was just and storytelling. You’d think Sam would tell them about the timelines. What’s also annoying is that the characters got information and just didn’t use it. It’s really not hard to see all the different universes’ versions of Murder Mill, Alt timeline Sam, Chris come out the portal, and deduce that time travel or at least some form of time manipulation is happening. And then Madison heard a recording of Augustine literally saying she was trying to bring Frank Stone back and just didn’t say anything or try to connect that to anything else. A lot of it feels like it was trying to tell a very messy and convoluted story to the viewer and the characters were just a means of doing that. The Characters themselves didn’t seem to act like real people; they were means of achieving a very confusing lore dump.

I’m assuming the reason Claudette and them don’t speak at the campfire is because they’re just so depressed from being in the Entity’s realm for so long. Based on Linda and Chris’ dialogue for some endings, it’s outside of time. Linda seems like she’s already been there for a while by the time Madison arrives. My issue with this is if there truly is no escape, why are the survivors and killers even trying? If in forever cursed to be hunted and killed, or constantly fighting for survival with absolutely no positives to my existence; I’m not gonna keep doing shit. I would literally enter the trial and just stand there because there’s no point to doing anything. Even if I win some trials I’m guaranteed to lose others. Pain is guaranteed and so is death and resurrection. I don’t think it makes sense that they continue to play the Entity’s game. And I don’t think the Entity would get any joy out of possessing them and forcing them to play. Whatever pain they feel they would’ve long since grown accustomed to. In other words: the entity’s realm doesn’t seem sustainable. I don’t see anyone participating for longer than a couple of months.

I’m also inclined to believe that if there’s an evil entity then there must be some good Higher Powers too. Even if the entity is the creator of the boons and survivor offerings, I don’t think it would be the creator of our world. I personally would’ve used this game to set up some sort of opposition to the Entity. If you wanna stick strictly to the “No Escape” thing, then have it be that this other being and it’s followers try to intervene and stop the entity from kidnapping people or sealing up the means by which it accesses different worlds. I personally would have it be something that breaches the entities’ realm, and that it or any number of other higher powers are responsible for giving Survivors things like Boon Totems and Invocations. The entity gives Survivors things like tools, but the point of the entities realm is to be killer-sided so it can feed off of the pain and fear of the survivors. I think the trauma that drives most of the killers is the pain the Entity feeds off from them. It just makes no sense that the Survivors would keep on doing trials if there’s no hope of ever getting out. They need to introduce something in the lore that gives them hope of escape to explain why they keep fighting. Even something like “they survive so they don’t get devoured by the Entity” wouldn’t work because they’ve already been devoured by the Entity. And if they’re just in its realm but haven’t been consumed by it; the anguish they feel would most likely make them accept such a fate if it put an end to it. If being consumed would mean eternal anguish; they’re already experiencing that anyway. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

[asexualwitch]

My GTFO Powder. Spell?

Eh. Either way, every now and then, something mean comes into my home - mean, rude, leering, giving me Uncomfy Vibes, ya'll know what I mean.

Not necessarily evil. But not really nice, either.

And entirely unwelcome.

So, I grab a bowl. Or those coffee filters, the white papery things that are shaped like a bowl or a cup.

Then I raid the kitchen's spice rack.

I say, follow your heart. Pick out the spicy ones (like cayenne), the pungent ones (like dill powder), and/or sweet ones (like sugar).

Whatever feels right, babe.

What I usually grab are: black pepper, salt, cinnamon, mugwort, cayenne, ghost pepper, sugar, cloves, sage, brown sugar, the burnt bread crumbs in the toaster, coffee grounds, catnip, and if any of the smokers in my life have visited recently - and I'm particularly uneasy - I also throw in cigarette ash.

I won't make this into an EVEN LONGER post by listing out all of the magical properties of these herbs and spices. Take it as encouragement to do independent research!

But the most important thing is that it feels right, you know? And as it turns out, most if not all household spices and herbs CAN BE USED for protection and positive energy.

Once you've got your shit together, start putting in as much of the ingredients as YOU want into the container of your choice.

Follow your heart. Don't overthink it.

When you're done, mix it together.

FRIENDLY REMINDER: If you end up using your bare hands/fingers to mix it all up (like me, the local barbarian), don't forget to thoroughly wash your hands. And for the love of FUCK, do not rub your eyes with your dirty, spiced up hands! (also like me, the local idiot)

Anyway. You picked out ingredients that vibe with you, that feel right and you know will suit your purpose: chasing off this disembodied energy spirit asshole intruder.

You've mixed it up.

You washed your hands. And probably sneezed a lot, because you're dealing with powders that can tickle your nose hairs.

Congratulations!

You've made your own GTFO Powder.

Or repellent. Whatever you wanna call it.

Now start throwing it around your house; your windows, doorways (but leave the front door alone for now). Every corner of every room, from the attic to the basement - don't overlook any space, and give special attention to areas that creep you out.

If you need support, bring in whoever you need to back you up. Ohana, bitch!

Or your bros. Nakama. Doesn't matter.

If you can't do this alone, then DON'T and go fetch your trusted people. Sailor Moon taught us the power of love and friendship, you know this shit.

Returning to the subject -

As you're doing this, say whatever you need to say: pick a song, a poem, prayer, or just bitch at the entity for disturbing your peace and to leave you and yours alone.

Yes. I am the last option. There's a lot of swearing and gamer-level trash talk, because I'm not a classy witch.

As my previous therapist said: "You're a mess, girl!"

I'm getting sidetracked: at this point, you've hunted down every last scrap of Bad, Awful, No-Good energy. You've chased it all around your house, and made your displeasure known (in the way that suits you, that feels right).

You could also (safely!!) burn it, if your smoke alarm won't scream at you. I've had the smoke cause a bad spirit to gag, which was a wild experience, lemme tell you.

Anyway: you did the thing.

Now, backtrack.

Go your front door, say: "Get out, and don't come back!" or whatever pleases you.

And open the door.

Give slight pause, enough for someone to bolt outside (those with psychic sight might see a shadow running out, don't be spooked), and then douse your front door with the powder.

If you have a yard, and want to be through, buckle in:

Because you could stop here.

Lots of folks do, it's normal.

But I like to make sure I can go outside and touch grass without being jumped, you know? Because I have a yard, unlike the cool people with their fancy (or shoebox) apartments.

So.

From your front door, step outside and continue. Do as you did inside: throw the GTFO Powder around your porch, and start sprinkling it outside your house's walls.

Maybe rub the powder into the brick or wood, and on the windows trace protective symbols on the glass.

If you have the time, do this three times.

Then expand the protected space:

You're going to establish three rings (or boxes) from the immediate outside structure of your house; to the middle, and finally the outer layer - if you have a fence, use it as the final "wall" of protection.

If you have a gate, again: leave it for last.

For all three parts/circles/boxes that ripple outwards from your house, I strongly recommend doing each part three times, as I previously explained. Make the "lines" thick.

Again, use music, prayer, whatever you want. Whatever gives you strength.

Once you've finished each of the three parts: the house's immediate outside, the middle, and the outer layer/fence.

Then go to the gate, bid the spirit to "leave my goddamn yard, ya creep" (or as YOU want), open the gate for 'em, and then powder up your gate.

Finally, finally, face outside the gate and say a third farewell to the spirit, and close your gate.

If you don't live in a house, you can stop at the front door:

Just say goodbye as needed (two more times, if I'm keeping track) (or three times) (remember, do what feels right),

throw a bit of powder in it's "face" if you wanna be spiteful (like me) and close&lock the door.

Done. Complete. You did it.

Go rest, eat, hydrate. Chill. You used a lot of energy by being a badass witch.

Every now and then, refresh the protections.

Like. Every 3-6 months. Or as needed.

You have my permission to take this bit of magic and make it yours. Add in charms, rattles, your pets, bells, knot magic, candles, plushies, and even rename it - it's barely named as is, to be frank.

But could you let me know? I'd love to see how it evolves over time, and how it changes to suit the witch using it.

Have fun. Go terrorize your unwanted "houseguest".

Bye.

[joonslfttiddie]

Home

Chapter 36: Illegal...

💜Fic Pairing: OT7 x OFC

💜AU/Genre: Reverse Harem/Polyfidelity/Ghosts/AMBW

💜Warnings: Adult content/Adult language

💜Rating: R

💜Word Count: 3732

"You know we missed you," Tia answers Taehyung, then kisses his lips before doing the same to Jimin. "How was work?"

"It was fine. Got a lot done, but it was hard to focus. You were heavy on my mind which is why I'm back a little earlier than expected."

"Damn... same here. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I lowkey felt like something was wrong," Jimin adds.

"That's exactly it. Like she was in danger?"

Jimin confirms Taehyung's assumptions with a nod.

"This is wild, but I felt the same way. The feeling was so strong, it woke me from my sleep. I damn near killed myself rushing down the stairs when they rang the doorbell," Jungkook admits to the others.

"They?" Taehyung is obviously confused.

"Oh, my bad. So, there was an accident..."

"ACCIDENT?!" Taehyung and Jimin speak together, interrupting Jungkook.

"Stop, I'm okay, I promise," Tia reassures with guilt written all over her face. "I feel so bad to have worried you all, but I'm fine. Namjoon took great care of me."

With perfect timing, Namjoon emerges from the living room to join everyone in the foyer. He looks a little nervous but smiles as he waves.

"Hi, guys."

Jungkook places his hand on Namjoon's back and flashes a wink when he looks at him. Taehyung and Jimin, still clearly befuddled, come to extend warm greetings. They look at Jungkook who just simply smiles and nods his head. When they look at Tia, she is transfixed on Namjoon, and he is on her.

"What's wrong?" Namjoon is asking Tia, wiping at his face, thinking there must be something on him.

"You," she says, her tone enticing. "You and those dimples...that smile should be illegal. Jungkook, arrest this man for burglary," Tia commands and pauses, leaving everyone on edge and perplexed, "he has stolen my heart," she says, covering her face, embarrassed at her own corniness.

Tia's POV

Thankfully, I was able to get a same-day appointment with my therapist, Monique. I've been seeing her for years, as the saying is true, that every therapist needs a therapist. It's bittersweet that the session is virtual. I know I'm safe at home, but I do prefer to see her in person.

"Tia! It's been, what, two months? How are you?"

Laughing lightly, I reply, "Well, that's a loaded question. Where do I start?"

"Wherever you would like to start."

There is a comfortable pause while she patiently waits for me to get my thoughts together.

"Well, let's start with some good news, I guess."

"Okay, tell me. What makes you happy these days? Let's hunt all of the good."

I love the way that I can talk to her, like we've been friends for years, yet she's still able to keep an unbiased opinion and help me see things from different perspectives. She will also call me out on my shit if necessary. I tell her all about the men in my life and how I met them all, and also about the potential with Namjoon. There is no judgment from her, as she asks questions and listens to me ramble. I tell her about the renovations to the house and that I am pretty happy considering the other things, which we end up discussing later in the session.

"Yes, I remember when we last spoke, you'd mentioned that you were in the process of purchasing your first home. I'm so proud of you, so glad that the process went smoothly, and that the renovations came out the way you envisioned them," Monique said. "And as far as the fellas go, it sounds like they all sincerely care about you. Your relationship is not conventional but it's healthy...that's all that matters."

"Yeah, thank you for saying that. I must admit, it's different, and sometimes I wonder what others will think."

"That's understandable, but what other people think is their business, not yours to worry about."

"Facts," I respond with a soft smile. "I did want to speak with you about something specific to our situation."

"Okay."

"Well, I've told you all the good things, but there have been a lot of difficulties this past month. I'll get into the details in a bit, but my loves, Grey and John, have been instrumental to my recovery."

"Uh-huh."

"I don't know if I'm overthinking things, as I tend to do," I pause, attempting to push back the tears trying to well in my eyes. "But I find myself wondering if I'm using the guys, using sex as a way to distract myself from everything that has been going on... from the trauma of it all. Also, am I using them as a security blanket? Thoughts like that seem to keep creeping into my mind."

"I see that these thoughts make you feel a bit emotional," she replies and I nod in agreement. "Exploring a polyamorous relationship does not guarantee safety. Things can still happen. When you are with them, are you thinking about how they can protect you? Do you initiate sex with a diversion from reality in mind?" She pauses briefly before asking one last question, "Are you only concerned with what they can provide for you or is the relationship reciprocal?"

"It's funny that you say that, seeing how I met Namjoon today. The accident that happened earlier was completely because of my decisions. I do think about how safe I feel when I'm with them, but not specifically that I require protection from them. I find myself relishing in the feeling of safety, love, and authenticity. This is something we're all experiencing for the first time, together, and I've not had this with any other man in my life... not even my own father, for that matter."

"Tia, your father died. I'm sure if he had a choice, he would have been here to care for you and provide all of those things."

"Yeah, I know."

"All of the characteristics you just mentioned, are they reciprocated?"

"Oh, absolutely. With whatever this is that we have going on, I hope that I'm enough for all of them."

"Well, from the sound of it, they support and encourage each other as well. Maybe it doesn't all fall on you, as long as your intentions are good."

"Yes, it may sound crazy, but I would do anything for them. And there is no favoritism...I care about them all equally yet differently."

"That is beautiful and I am so glad that you are happy. From what you've told me, it doesn't appear that your goal is to use them more so than it is an instinctual responsibility that they all feel to keep you safe. These are elements of a strong, healthy relationship. I would, however, like to recommend that you all have a sit-down and talk about what you all expect from each other, details regarding your sex life. For example, will there be relations between the guys or just with you, contraception, and any other concerns you all may have."

I feel so much better after speaking with Monique. She is always able to help me see things more clearly and get me out of my own head by validating my thoughts and reassuring my thoughts. I go on to tell her about the stalker, me being poisoned, the life-saving hospital visit, and the mental issues I was having as a result. She goes on to express how overjoyed she is that I am not allowing the hardships to take over my life, pointing out my strong will to leave the house today.

We come to the end of the session with her saying, "If you're having a feeling or something is telling you to move a certain way, maybe follow your intuition. And remember, it's okay to pause and just be every now and then. It's okay to take a break from being strong. It's okay to live a soft life, allowing others to love and care for you. It's okay to focus on the good things sometimes." I gasp then laugh at that, having just heard it from Taehyung earlier, causing her to ask, "What?"

"Oh, nothing. Tae, coincidentally, said the exact same thing to me today."

"Hmm... coincidence or confirmation?"

We log out of the session, and I take a moment to just think...to just be. I sit in the silence, trying to turn my brain off for a second. My eyes are closed, and I'm here...just existing, trying to silence my thoughts.

This must be what meditation is like. Damn, I'm still thinking, but I'm trying not to. Fuck, I suck at this. Suck...I wonder what my babes are doing. Oh wow, I'm such a freaky frog.

My mind races for a bit longer with me combating my internal dialogue, not entertaining it. I notice immediately when my mind goes quiet, but only for a minute.

"Can't hear with a chaotic mind. Calm down. Focus. Breathe."

Ok, I hear that! Typically, when I'm thinking, I hear my own voice within, but this... this is not me. I'm taken aback, wanting to open my eyes and stop whatever this is, but I decide to stay here. While this situation is strange and new, the voice is comforting, familiar, and warm. I'm noticing that it is coming through in short phrases, rather than eloquent sentences. I am also able to take comfort in knowing what this may be. My mother often spoke of being "led by the ancestors" and would often require silence so that she could "listen". I wonder if this is what I am experiencing. Just as quickly as I think that, it answers.

"Exactly. Gifts beginning. Flourish. Age irrelevant. Blessing not skipped. Very strong. Practice. Seven. You feel them. Love. Trust. Safe. Okay. Let go."

I can hear it, and I am able to understand!Tears are collecting behind my lids. A chill runs through my body; there's a feeling like someone has a grip on my heart, and I'm experiencing shortness of breath. It's not uncomfortable, but definitely noticeable. It is similar to the feelings I face when having an anxiety attack, but this is more of a suggestion instead of something that takes over my body. Taking in every detail and feeling, I place my hand over my heart and lean in completely.

Jimin's POV

"So, is this normal? Is this how all of this goes?" I have so many questions yet Jungkook and Taehyung are focused on the TV screen, seemingly chill, like they are used to this.

"Why? Are you jealous of Namjoon?" Taehyung asks, obviously trying to be a smartass, never averting his eyes from the video game Jungkook is playing.

"No, I'm not jealous at all. I'm asking if it's normal to have these feelings."

"What feelings, bro?" Jungkook's tone is less condescending as he continues to click the buttons on the controller.

"Like, the pull to Tia and knowing when she needs me. The pull to you both. And now, this feeling I have towards Namjoon. It's like being in a pitch black, dark ass room full of puzzle pieces but being able to pick the ones you need because they glow in the dark."

"Damn, man, that's deep...perfect analogy. There are thousands of people in this city, but I only feel connected to you two and Namjoon," Taehyung confesses. "I don't know if it's normal, but this is what we're experiencing together and with Tia."

We all just shrug, giving up the urge to understand, and look up when Tia emerges from the basement.

"Hey! How did it go?" Jungkook asks the question we are all thinking, placing the Playstation controller on the coffee table. I was so worried when Taehyung mentioned to us what she'd said earlier, about using us as a distraction. I wonder if she was able to speak with her therapist about that.

"It was really good! I feel so much better... so much lighter," she says, making her way over to join us in the media area off of the kitchen. "Where's Namjoon? Did y'all scare him off?"

"He had to leave to hand out the rest of his business cards. There's one for you on the island. He owns a landscaping business," Taehyung informs her.

She comes to stand behind the sofa that the others are sitting on and runs her fingers into Taehyung's hair, her nails audibly scratching along his scalp. The feeling is clearly intoxicating, as he melts into the couch, his eyes rolling backward, and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. Laughing, she moves to give Jungkook some affection, only for Taehyung to reach over his head trying to grab at her wrists.

"Oh, Jagia, don't be like this. That wasn't nearly enough!"

"Hey, stop! It's my turn, right, Noona?" Jungkook talks to her with his head lifted and resting on the back of the couch.

Tia leans over his upside-down face and places a kiss on his lips, her hand resting on his throat. Taehyung and I just watch as their tongues dance, their lips moving in sync with each other like the most perfect tango. We are completely captivated by their exchange until she releases him with a 'muah' sound.

"Right."

"Fuck that, I want one of those," Taehyung protests. We all get a good laugh before Tia moves back over to him to give him the same treatment as Jungkook. I watch how gentle her fingers move over the skin of his throat, her thumb brushing over the stubble on his jaw and chin. She's not even touching me, but I'm growing, beginning to push against my zipper. When she's finished, she lets him go and stands, looking down at him. He sits up, flashing a smirk while blushing, again eliciting laughs from us all.

When Tia looks over to me, my eyes go wide, not because I don't know I'm next, but because of the way she slowly approaches me, like a lioness stalking down her prey. Her hips sway effortlessly, her thighs jiggle slightly with each step. The way her shorts stretch across her pelvis and thighs is a clear indicator of how phat her ass is...I can damn near see it from the front. Jesus, I've never wanted anyone so badly in my entire life. I gulp down the lump in my throat, happily yet nervously awaiting what is to come next.

When she reaches the chair I'm occupying, I offer her a smile and reach out for her, holding her hips for support as she climbs onto my lap. With her hands playing at my neck, she peers into my eyes, like she knows it's one of my biggest turn-ons. Eye contact and hearing 'yes sir' turns me to putty every time.

"Hey," she whispers.

"Hey," I retort, moving my hips slightly in an attempt to adjust my now, very prominent erection.

Fuck, I hope she doesn't feel that.

She nods, as if reading my mind, and grinds down on me. My mouth falls open, the feeling is amazing and what I didn't know I needed. At the same time, my eyes drop closed due to the shock accompanied by pleasure, and she takes the opportunity to tilt her head, leaning in to take my lips against hers. Kissing her feels oddly familiar, like I've kissed her everyday for an eternity but this is our first REAL kiss. Her movements are slow and intentional, savoring every second as her warm tongue grazes my bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. I move my hands from her hips, sliding over her plump ass, up her back, and letting one continue to her nape to pull her in, deepening the kiss. Holding her like this has me feeling like a virgin, overly excited from their first kiss. When she moans into my mouth, I have to pull back, unable to compose myself.

"Feels like your first time, doesn't it? Don't feel bad...she had the same effect on us, too."

Taehyung doesn't speak but nods his head, agreeing with Jungkook. Tia simply wipes any remaining lip gloss she was wearing from my lips before adjusting herself to sit facing the other men, her cheek resting on my chest with her legs draped across the arm of the chair.

"Cut it out, guys...you're making me sound like some kind of temptress."

The two men make eye contact with each other before bursting out in laughter. What the fuck have I gotten myself into? Is this woman after my soul? If so, I think I may just hand it over willingly if it would make her happy. She shakes her head, not entertaining their behavior before changing the subject.

"So, the thought crossed my mind before, but my therapist just confirmed it. Since we're all here, I think we should talk about this...about us," Tia announces, but there is a sense of uncertainty in her voice.

"It doesn't feel right, does it?"

She looks up at me and answers in the smallest voice, "No." She looks down to fiddle with the gold rings on her fingers.

"We aren't all here, are we? Did you feel it, too? With Namjoon, I mean," Taehyung asks the question to no one in particular, but we all know what he's speaking about... the instant connection and desire for Namjoon is evident.

"Yeah, it was like a long-lost relative had found his way home. I honestly didn't want him to leave, but I knew he had to. Should we call him?"

Tia sits straight up, the obvious excitement in her eyes when she responds to Jungkook, "Do you think we should?"

"Shit, why not? I'd bet money that he's probably waiting for you to call, hoping it's not regarding your lawn."

Jungkook's POV

It's so cute how excited she is, with a pale shade of nervousness just below the surface. We all go to sit at the island, Tia practically skipping across the room. When I slide the card across the marble in her direction, her eyes grow wide in surprise.

"Nuh uh, Koo, you call him."

"Why do I have to call him?" I'm obviously teasing her...it's cute the way she's acting, as if she's anxious to talk to her high school crush. I, of course, pull my phone from the pocket of my hoodie, and lean over the counter to get the card back. I start to dial the number when Tia stops me.

"NO! Wait... oh my God. Why am I so nervous?"

"He IS fine as fuck...maybe that has something to do with it?"

"Maybe so," Taehyung agrees with Jimin.

"T, cut it out. You know you're a baddie. What's the worst he can say?" I try to encourage her, continuing to dial the number.

"So cute," Taehyung says, pulling her into his arms. Jimin moves to grab a wine glass from the cabinet before rushing to the fridge to pour Tia a glass. I don't think he realizes what he's doing, not knowing all of the details behind why she was sick when he first met her. I'm a little on edge awaiting her response, having not pressed the button to begin the call. I don't know if this will trigger her since that's how that fucker decided to poison her, by spiking her wine. Taehyung doesn't seem to notice, too preoccupied with loving on Tia. I'm on the fence, unsure if I should interject or allow this to play out. I hope this will not hinder her recovery, but I choose to fall back, making room for her to handle it herself.

"Here you are, beautiful, maybe this will help take the edge off." Jimin sits the glass in front of her.

Please, don't be afraid, Noona...please.

She looks down to see the red wine sitting in front of her and is, thankfully, unbothered. She does ask if he brought this bottle himself or if he found it here.

"Ummm... I brought this from home. It's one of my favorites, so I wanted you to try some. I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?"

Jimin seems to be examining her expression, anticipating her answer.

"It's a long story...I'll tell you all about it later. But no, Jimini, you've done nothing wrong. Thank you."

We all watch in amazement when she lifts the glass to her lips, sipping the crimson libation into her mouth. It is astounding how brave this woman is, yet she's acting so skittish over a phone call. I'm assuming the others feel the same way, watching her in awe as Taehyung kisses her temple, arm dangling over her shoulders, and Jimin leans across the island, beaming at her, his crescent eyes on display. She licks her tongue out to collect the small drop of wine left on her plump lip which causes me to mimic her, licking my own. She is so enchanting; I am completely and willingly entangled in her spell.

I'm touched by the amount of trust she has in Jimin after only meeting him days prior. There is something magical happening here, within us. Our love, our bond, is obvious and deeper than the ocean is. I know it's not the liquid courage as the alcohol hasn't even had time to make it into her system, but she leans over the island to take the card from my hand. It is amazing how the smallest move that she makes turns me on in such a major way. The heaviness of her breasts causes them to bounce when she's sat back on her stool. My eyes wander to admire their fullness, up to the dip of her collar bone. Shit, even the way her bra straps are pushing into her soft skin has my dick jumping.

She finally makes the call and puts it on speaker, holding it casually to her lips. When her eyes dart up to look into mine, my heart skips a beat. What's wild is, I bet she isn't even aware of the effect she has on us. I'm assuming he's answered when the corner of her mouth tugs up into a smirk and though it's quick, I catch the way her tongue traces the edges of her teeth. Fuck, this girl can have anything she wants from me.

[fictionalmenaremytype]

The way my Wednesday now starts with watching the new percy jackson episode twice is crazy. Anyways:

!!!!!!!!!!PERCY JACKSON SHOW SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!

IT IS THE WATERPARK EPISODE WOOOOOH!!!

- the opening shot of the first percy pov coming out from the water with the arch and the helicopter...oh he knew he had fucked up.

- Grover and Annabeth being watched by the fates and police was crazy. I love how Grover is worried about the current moment and Annabeth is worried about the future it really reinforces the whole "six steps ahead".

- Percys little "hi" love it after he leaps over the barricade like he's just doing parkour.

- Annabeth hugged him aww but he's so confused...he didn't even hug her back rude.

- "surprise"

- "I think this quest may be harder than we thought" No percy it's harder than you thought.

- "I'm the last person to realise this aren't i" "yeah" yeah you are...you usually are but that's fine.

- HE REALLY THOUGHT IT WAS ABOUT THE HUG!!! GOOD SIR, YOU ALMOST DIED LIKE THREE TIMES THE THING SHE'S ACTING WEIRD ABOUT IS BECAUSE SHE'S SCARED!! YOU WAS JUST HUNTED FOR SPORT BY A CHIMAERA DUDE OMG.

- the way "Ares! God of Warrrrrr" played in my head bc of the musical

- they pop up from behind the wall awwww

- Ares is low-key kind of cool icl...

- "That's my cousin."

- THE TWITTER FIGHT OMG I LOVE HIM HES SO FUNNY WHAT.

- fuck Gabe dude so rude of him.

- Annabeth is so smart suspecting everyone I love her oh my god!!!

- "there's no fear in you is there?" Annabeth just shakes her head like nope no fear

- Ares I know the story of Kronos eating your family is traumatic but please don't use twelve year olds as your therapists.

"We will push anyone down a flight of stairs to get ahead." That's almost what Percy said at the choosing ceremony when he was picking Annabeth...that seems like too much of a coincidence that Ares would just randomly pick that analogy...

- "like forgot it on the merry-go-round?" I NEED A FANART OF ARES ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND

- Grover!! BE CAREFUL!

- waterland is terrifying but istg if Disney made a waterland, I'd go so much.

- OMG ANNABETH HAS NEVER SEEN A FILM WHAT

- "we gotta fix that"!!!! OH MY GOD THIS JUST ADDS TO BOTL WHERE PERCY IS WITH RED AND ANNABETB CAME SO THEY COULD GO TO THE CINEMA OMG.

- "maybe he finds them amusing" she's trying to mirror his make a joke to calm a situation from the arch but it just didn't work bless her.

- she's so smart omg. But she gets distracted by how cool it is aww. He's so grumpy haha.

- Ares' laugh just sounds like a panto villain's

- Grover reasoning being a fan of Ares is so cool I really love what they've done with his character in this. If I'm honest Grover was kind of annoying to me when I first read the books but he's one of my favourites in this.

- I love how the episode is titled A God Buys us Cheeseburgers but thay haven't actually eaten a cheese burger.

- Annabeth is just being a nerd and Percy is like omg can we please stay focused. Annabeth finding everything fascinating is perfect.

- OH MY GOD THERES A TWISTER I LOVE TWISTERS

- "Don't you even try and tell me not to be weird about this." "I didn't say anything." "I can feel you thinking it." Percy is definitely going to be wondering if Annabeth can read minds like he can control water.

- Percy being sassy again.

- "WHAT IS LOVE" I cackled oh my god this was the same level of humour as pina colada in the elevator...if you know you know

- THOSE LIGHTS ARE SO PRETTY.

- Hera's silhouette dancing and then baby Hephaestus dancing too

- Percy didn't want to offend Annabeth :(

- Annabeth defending Sally!

- OMG THEY HAVE SO SET THIS UP TO BE A POSSIBLE AMUSEMENT RIDE!!!

- JESUS HEPHAESTUS DO YOU HAVE TO TRY AND KILL PEOPLE OH MY GOD

- I kind of wish we got a clearer shot of what actually happened underwater...can Annabeth not swim?? Or was it just the current??

- "I'm figuring this out as I go" same

- Oooh this is different to the booooks I like it.

- "I hate kids all of them I hate my own kids." Poor Clarisse.

- Ares sounds like that one teacher at school who hates children.

- not Grover and Ares just shutting on Athena lmao. "If she's so smart explain the owl, she talks it all the time...its her best friend." "And me, no owl" he's so annoyed about the owl lmao!!

- ooh Grovers "you found the lightning thief." Really sets up his traitor arc...

- "You're not pushing me into the stairwell again." "Yes I am" this and the consensus song are going to be running jokes you can just tell!

- aww Annabeth would sacrifice you Percy but now she's starting to see you as her friend and its harder now.

- "You're better at this than me but you just are and you know it." Aww

- HE GIVES HER HIS PEN FOR THE SECOND TIME WITH NO TRICKS OMG PERCABETH IS HAPPENING.

- "I need you to promise me something" "I'm not leaving the underworld without your mom." She didn't even hesitate!

- "Thank you...I was gonna say when this quest is done can you maybe swing back here and try to get me outta this thing?" "You think you had to ask?" "Just making sure."

- Annabeth don't cry. It's a bit late to decide its a bad idea.

- "it's okay...I'm okay...I'm-" Ahhhhhhh I'm crying no come on Annabeth you've got this keep it together.

- QUEEN STARTS REVERSING THE COGS OMG.

- Hephaestus go away she's busy.

- why does Hephaestus remind me of Sir Didymus from labyrinth ??

- Annabeth having the revelation that having to work for love isn't normal. Hephaestus seeing that the bond Percabeth have isn't like his and Aphrodite's

- CAN WE TALK AVOUT THE VISUAL EFFECTS OF THE GOLD CREEPING OH MY GOD THATS SO COOL WHAT!

- awwww "You're a good kid annabeth" that's definitely like the only compliment like she's gotten from anyone that isn't Luke or Chiron

- LEAH LOOKS SO SMALL CARRYONG THAT SHIELD!!

- that looks really heavy oh my god.

- "where's our ride?" Proceeds to show a dingy lorry.

- yes Percy you tell Ares who's boss.

- "thank you for the emotional abuse and the Cheeseburgers"

- Grover you detective you're a genius!!!

This episode was so good and I'm so glad we didn't have to the mechanical spiders in Waterland bc they scare me everytime!!!

[rabble-dabble]

its anger until they learn its a father. "men are like that," she told me, when he's still sleeping his blackout from last night off and she's been awake since six that morning. "they never admit to their feelings."

i've learned all the bad things to look out for. they gaslight reality into their version of things, strangers on the internet say, until the memory becomes true and the victim doubts their own sanity. i can't remember who started the arguement but somehow, i'm always wrong. i thought, maybe, i was just too immature to understand, too young to get why he was so cruel to me. you and your generation are so sensitive, he told me over and over again. you're so sensitive, it was just a joke. i cried in his arms when i reported my mom to cps, scared of her reaction, scared she'd come after me despite living thousands of miles away. the joke was me acting like my mom. you need help, he told me - the same man who screamed in my face with booze breath about how maybe i deserved what i got. maybe i deserved what i got - the same man who held me at birth and told me about my big bright eyes - and i am the reason i am so broken. get help, yells the same man who told me he went to therapy and got 'fixed'. i have been in therapy for six months.

my therapist tells me to move on - i should clarify, she's actually a counsler, a kind woman who i see every two weeks. "what do you want from this relationship?" she asks me. "my brother and i, we used to be at each others throats, and then when we got older-" i listen to how she found peace with her siblings. she doesn't mention her parents. i think about my brother, who got the worst of the abuse, and how we haven't talked in a while. "i want an apology, i want a sorry, i want a father," i tell her, crying as i remember my dad screaming at me. "it doesn't sound like he's the type of person who will give that to you," she responded.

we talk about expectations vs. reality. is this my fate? is this my world, to never expect recogniztion for what happened to me? "you need to let it go, it happened over six months ago," my aunt says. her husband won't put his food away before leaving to hunt. he leaves his trash on the counter, which she throws away as she shakes her head and throws another chore on her ever growing list of things to take care of. "i know your father. his behavior is in his namesake. you expect him to change, but he will never change." he is in his fourties. a grown man who is not even halfway through life; i turn 21 this year, and last year on my birthday he called me a bitch for not calling my mom while i was going to the movies with my best friend. i bought my own birthday cake, and he made me feel guilty for asking him to pick it up as if it was too much of a chore for him. he hadn't taken me to the dmv to get my license so i could legally start driving. "stop trying to change your father." change him? i am asking for the bare minimum. i am asking for a person who is supposed to love me to love me kindly. i asked him if we could get therapy together. he told me no.

my counsler said i was stuck between wanting a relationship and needing to move on. "you need to find peace." but i don't know if i will find the peace she means - every male figure i have seen has been given every reason not to try harder. my mother's boyfriend didn't look after his own kids, even when i had to leave school to wash my baby sister after she vomitted from a fever. my dad never brought in the groceries, just sat in a chair drinking mike's lemonade while he watched me and my stepmom and two stepsisters bring in the bags and put it all away. my aunt's husband made their dog have puppies recently- and my aunt is exhausted from taking care of them, despite not wanting them. what peace is there to find here? to find peace with how the world "works", with how these men will do anything to be incompetent to their partners? to their families? i am just angry. i don't want to find peace in these situations! these women deserve better. i deserve better. but i am told i can do nothing to change it- i am merely the child of a father. worse- i was born a daughter, a servant; a peacemaker. "i am angry!" i told my therapist. "it's not fair!"

"i know," she says. i cry and think about an apology i will never get. all men are- i have heard this over and over. i do not want to be the person who finds peace in this broken machine, in those broken words. i want to tear it all down, piece by piece, until there are no more 'all men are'. i want to be angry, i want to be vicious, to snarl back as i refuse to be another victim finding peace with this standard of incompetent men. they can do better, i scream to the machine, tearing at rusting metal with my hardened hands, hold them accountable, for the love of god, be angry!

if i'm to find peace i want to do it bloodsoaked. if i have to find peace with no remorse then i will do it with sharp claws and teeth, with gentle hands but an aware mind. i do not want to find peace with dull contempt, i want to find it with the knowledge i will not allow my life to be dictated by this low standard. my dad tells me you will never truly be a real man. i tell him with a smile, at least i won't be a man like you.

[sonicasura]

Tales of Father Rung: Jak

The last example for the Father Rung saga and I saved the most traumatized character for last.

Let's face it, Daxter is the only one who stuck by Jak's side since the start. In Fallout Boy's terms 'The Last of the Real Ones'. Everyone else either abandons him at some point or sadly dies too soon. Daxter gets dragged along for the ride. *Man needs his pal since Naughty Dog wants Jak to suffer clearly.*

Let's get started.

Rung comes across an unconscious Demolition Duo one fateful night. Jak is the last to wake up as he sees Daxter talking to the 'giant robot'. Rung offers to accompany the young men since the mech been here much longer.

Jak is skeptical about the therapist at first. Throughout their travelling, Rung never asks the Eco Channeler for help. Both handle their own tasks instead of the young man shouldering it all. Jak's even more confused when Rung helps him instead. No strings attached either.

Meanwhile Rung is a mix of rage and sorrow upon hearing the duo's backstory. Angry at those who groomed a child into a "chosen savior" then toss him away as if he's a worthless tool or a monster. Saddened by the fact Jak is stuck with a Prime Complex.

Daxter being treated like a nuisance when he's the only one who saw how much pain his best friend is in. A voice with wonderful ideas drowned out cause people believe he is just a mindless animal. Rung gonna help these two if no one else can.

A notion challenged when Dark Jak manifests. Rung didn't run or treat this alternate form like a monstrous threat. An action that proves to the eco channeler as a whole about the mech truly caring about them. Daxter is glad he doesn't have to spill it out.

Even when Jak's dark form mutates into something more inhuman, Rung refuses to treat the young man any different. The mech does his best to heal the trauma engraved on both boys. Daxter's opinions and suggestions are heard than ignored. (What I mean by DJ getting worse. Face + body here.)

The ottsel gleefully indulging in being treated as a person. No belittling or push to the side. Even ottsels are people too. (Only ones who treat Daxter like a person can be counted on one hand. Plus he now got tons of pants.)

An incident creates a second chance to set things right. Jak and Daxter wake up back in their world(start of Jak 2) but as Cybertronians. (Jak being a Predacon type Triple Changer, Ramjak with Slam Dozer/Dragon Alt Modes. Daxter is a Minicon Beastformer, Citrus Bolt.(Orange Lightning would be a dead giveaway)). Rung is stuck inside the Eco Channeler's Spark Chamber as a phantom.

The three help past Jak and Daxter reunite the Kid with his actual father Damas. A better future is secured as the King of Spargus not only has his son back but continue to live alongside his two additions. It takes until the end of the journey for the two Cybertronians to reveal their true identity.

The young boys feel at ease afterwards. Jak and Daxter can now switch into their bot forms with some help from Rung. It takes awhile before they can do it by themselves. The Demolition Duo are able to wield Energon now(and so much more.)

Now let's move on to the TFverse.

Earthspark

The therapist's makeshift family lives in Witwicky not too far from the Malto's household. Hiding his ears, Jak works as a stocker at a grocery store near town. A store that becomes commonly visited by Alex.

The two form a friendship unaware of the secrets they are hiding. Jak didn't expect to learn that Cybertronians exist here nor the millennia long civil war ending some time ago. Much less this info being found in media like comic books and other merchandise. (He obviously tells Rung alongside Daxter later.)

GHOST's Decepticon Hunt becomes apparent when their hidden home is found by Ravage, Frenzy, and Lazerbeak try to hide from Elita-1. Rung grants the three sanctuary although greatly concerned about this troubling news.

Soundwave later arrives who briefs everyone about the suspicions on G.H.O.S.T like Mandroid as gratitude for keeping the cassettes safe. A new side to this conflict becomes forged. Keep the rogue Decepticons out of G.H.O.S.T's hands and investigate what's really going on.

Shenanigans

Decepticons meet sassy young adults. All of them still wonder how Rung even found these very strange organics. Most agree that Jak and Daxter are more Decepticon aligned. At least they can reign in the Cassettes.

Jak refuses to throw hands with the Malto kids(human and Terrans). He's already angry that they're being brought into this mess. Rage is aimed at the adult Cybertronians mainly Megatron.

Demolition Duo disguise themselves as bots whenever involved in GHOST activity. Team Autobots are stunned to see a live Predacon specifically a youngling. Or how hostile Ramjak is from the nasty injuries left on Optimus' frame.

Rung decides to be the 'mysterious guide' for the Terrans. Leaving clues about GHOST's true intentions and guidance should they feel lost. The kids share these findings with Bee.

Surprise team up between Jawbreaker, Citrus Bolt and Ramjak. The Maltobot realizes who the Predacon is but promises to keep his identity secret. Jawbreaker gets an older brother figure in Jak.

Mandroid is suspicious about the Demolition Duo while Croft only sees the two as another regular threat to eliminate. When Dark Jak is unleashed on GHOST headquarters does the latter change her tune. Caught Decepticons are now loose while more incriminating evidence is found by the Autobots.

Hidden identities are revealed and the final battle goes WAY DIFFERENT. Light Jak overwrites Death Ray into Healing Ray via channeling before it can fire. Daxter helps Twitch and Thrash kick Mandroid's ass. Rung chastises Quintus.

Mandroid is put under watch, his body fully restored. Old colleagues have a long needed chat. Jak apologizes to Alex for betraying their friendship. The fatherly Malto has him make up for it by looking over the kids. Jak doesn't mind although Dax might be a bad influence. Rung happily provides therapy.

Prime/Rescue Bots

The family of three lives near an undiscovered Energon mine containing various Energon types. A place where they practice channeling these particular crystals. Their peace is broken when scouting Vehicons find their home.

Jak trashes them and hijacks one to sneak onto the Nemesis. An action that leads to Cliffjumper's life being saved while the onboard Decepticons learn why its important to do body scans. The injured bot is taken to Rung for repairs and the three learn the war is going on here.

Soon Team Prime arrives for Cliffjumper only to be shocked by the bot nonchalantly telling stories to the Demolition Duo whilst drinking some Energon. The family is put under protection and the mine becomes a hidden Autobot provision.

Neither side are aware about Rung nor his sons' capabilities. Something that soon becomes known when Megatron returns...and Dark Energon comes into play. The war flips completely.

Shenanigans

Guardian Cliffjumper for Demolition Duo. Ratchet struggles to keep his sanity as the three and Miko become absolute menaces together. Arcee mostly upholds the peace (alongside wrench tossing protection) partly because the family did save her partner.

Rung is unnerved by the Matrix of Leadership Optimus has. It feels like someone had not only tamper with the relic but angered it too. Everyone but Jak and Daxter are unaware of Optimus' broken spark(Orion) slowly repairing.

Bots try to understand where the hell did these small yet powerful organics came from. Jak continues to be a menace while Daxter sabotages things. Shit blows up either way and the humans are the only ones nonchalant about it.

Channeling Dark Energon = Meeting Unicron. Or eldritch deity gets harassed by two youngish adults. Rung further assists them in being a menace much to Unicron's horror.

Shockwave and the Predacons appear way early once Ramjak alongside Citrus Bolt take stage. No one knows how the Demolition Duo can turn into Cybertronians. Predaking and his kin seek to make Jak part of their pack.

Odd family meets Team Rescue Bots. Rung pretends to be a therapy bot for Griffin Rock. Jak and Daxter learn the ropes of rescue. Griffin Rock feels like Sandover Village but in a more genuine way. It eases the homesickness in the Demolition Duo's hearts. Rung considers on getting a second home here.

Rescue Bots become impromptu rescue teachers. Jak has a rough time adjusting to a non-combat situation but everyone pitches in to help. Boulder proves to be a great mediator.

Cody gets two older brother figures who are happy to listen. Jak gets to exercise his inner child even when his dark side wants to join. Cody doesn't mind and happily pats Dark Jak on the head.

Bayverse

The family of three live outside Mission City. Rung had sensed the Allspark/Cube so he might've stolen it from Sector Seven then relocate the object far away from the frozen Megatron. Jak works at a car shop and befriends Mikaela. Daxter bought some of Sam's stuff including the glasses as he felt a bit bad for the kid. (Jak picked it up due to obvious reasons.)

Everything is fine until Bumblebee sends out the signal to his fellow Autobots. Barricade attacks Jak only to immediately retreat upon nearly being torn apart by Dark Jak's claws. Rung avoids getting caught around a patrolling Starscream when he checks up on the Cube.

Daxter isn't so lucky as Frenzy attacks him during a nighttime stroll. Bumblebee, alongside Sam and Mikaela, finds the ottsel after he repels the Decepticon. Daxter almost reluctantly gets taken to meet the Autobots but evades the three.

The odd family now know the four million year long civil war exists here too. Pieces are already in play so they run into action. Especially when everyone knows Jak has the glasses.

Shenanigans

Manhunting your previous buyer is awful customer service even if there's a good reason for it. Jak choses to be a gremlin as he doesn't feel like being shoddily kidnapped by bots clearly unfamiliar with Earth. Daxter tops it via his incredible sense of sass.

Impromptu house visit while your dorky robodad psychoanalyze war criminals. Sam gets a Peacemaker aimed at his head and Optimus barely manages to diffuse the situation. A certain Ottsel complains that the asscrack of night isn't a good time for insanity.

Cube doesn't get destroyed and kept hidden: Pro. Battle of Mission City never happens: Pro. Megatron still gets freed, Decepticons are on the loose and NEST isn't formed: Oh boy.

Jak? Ironhide's Weapons Specialist in training. Daxter and Jazz get along like a house set ablaze. Rung becomes the center of attention with story requests about his two sons.

More Autobots = More child leashes. You know it's bad when the young man recovering from his Prime Complex has more common sense. Good thing Light Ramjak can fly the troublemakers back to base by the scruff.

Military is completely confused by sudden appearances of giant robots, blue angel and draconic devils. A certain William Lennox finds out the truth by sheer accident during a Decepticon scuffle. Funnily enough, Daxter is the weirdest thing this guy has seen. Rung comes in second place.

Relationship advice given by an ottsel keeps Mikaela and Sam from breaking up. Everyone didn't expect for Daxter to have any experience in the love department. Man feels super offended.

Countless humiliations leads to Megatron raising the white flag. Sentinel Prime gets blown apart before even firing a single shot as no one tries to kill Ironhide with an accelerated disease gun. War finally ends and there are no more casualties.

And that's it for now! Until next time folks, I'll see back at Spargus. Transform and Roll Out!

[noodlecupcakes]

Knock Knock it's me 👀 Prepare yourself for the imminent bombardment 🥲 I have reduced my list of questions a lot, I swear ! For Tabitha of course 💛

12. What’s the region they feel most connected to?

18. How do they feel about John?

20. How do they feel about Jacob? (You know where I'm going with this question 👀)

22. From Fall’s End which person they DON’T get along with?

29. How do they feel at the end of all the game events?

Oh you could have asked as many questions as you liked, I would have happily answered them all. Thank you so much for asking <3

I'm gonna answer for cultist Tabby instead of Deputy Murphy as cultist Tabby is my main 'canon' version of her whereas Deputy Murphy is for AU's.

12. What's the region they feel most connected to?

I would say Henbane River is the one Tabitha feels most connected too. Its the region that Joseph took her too for their first date, a simple picnic by the river. Tabitha finds the landscape relaxing and the river calming. She also visits Faith at Jessop's Conservatory once a week for lunch.

18. How do they feel about John?

During the events before and during FC5, Tabitha feels a little sorry for John as well as a little weary. She doesn't like that Joseph thinks he needs tough love to keep him in line and behave. But she wouldn't ever tell Joseph that what John really needs is a very good therapist. She loves her brother in law despite knowing about the baptisms and the confessions. Tabitha always tries to be positive around him and is always bringing him baskets of baked goods to Seed Ranch.

During the events of New Dawn (in my timeline all the Seeds survive) Tabitha still has a lot of love for her brother in law (and her other in laws). Tabitha really appreciates how good of a relationship John has with Hope (her and Josephs third child born in the bunker). John loves all his nieces and nephews but seems to be most close with Hope, teaching her how to skin animals and other handy skills with a knife.

20. How do they feel about Jacob? (You know where I'm going with this question 👀)

During the events before and during FC5, Tabitha is unsure how she feels about Jacob, mainly because she doesn't know if he likes her or not. He isn't exactly a warm friendly person as it is, keeping to himself up in the mountains. And Joseph does not let Tabitha venture to the Whitetail Mountains often if at all. However, they do eventually become closer when Tabitha has to stay with Jacob for a week for her safety. That week together helps the two understand each other better, Tabitha then makes it a tradition to invite the Seed siblings over for Sunday lunch, wanting the family to be closer. Joseph, of course loves this idea.

During the events of New Dawn, Tabitha initially tries to fight and deny her growing feelings for Jacob after Joseph goes into self exile. Tabitha's left with four children, one stepchild who hates her, and the entirety of New Eden to look after and run (thankfully with the help of her in laws but that's still a lot of work for one woman). Jacob steps up, helping her with the kids when he can and being a wonderful uncle, teaching Gabriel and Daniel how to hunt, helping Hope with her bow skills and accepting daisy chains from Angelica.

But eventually she cannot fight her feelings for Jacob anymore and whilst she feels some guilt initially starting an affair with her brother in law, she does come to love him for a time. Even if they do their best to keep their affair a secret. However their relationship does not last, things come to a more tragic end between the two.

22. From Fall’s End which person they DON’T get along with?

Tabitha is known as 'The Mother' after she marries Joseph so really she wouldn't get along with anyone from Falls End let alone any resistance members across Hope County. But I feel if I had to pick one in particular she would not get along with, it would be Jerome Jeffries. Mainly because of all the lies Joseph would have told her about the pastor.

29. How do they feel at the end of all the game events?

Call it cheating but in my 'canon', things do differ slightly to the games ending. Yes the nukes still go off and everyone's bunker bound, but the 'Deputy' does not make it. Tabitha, Joseph, Gabriel and Daniel are all holed up in a bunker together. Tabitha is understandably scared, her whole words just been shaken up and now she has to raise two young boys in a bunker for god knows how long. Tabitha is also worried about her in laws, hoping that they too made it into their bunkers in time and are safe.

[dailyrandomwriter]

Day 684

One of the banes and boons of having ADHD is not being able to compartmentalize stuff. When people often talk about ADHD, they talk about distractibility, but when they talk about distractibility it’s often about seeing something and then forgetting what you’re doing. Which can be a type of distractibility (such as seeing a squirrel run past you), but it’s not the only type of distractibility.

When I work, if someone comes to me with a problem, even if it’s outside my scope of work, unless I’m really, really stressed (and even then) I will take time out to help with that problem. A lot of my co-workers take that as me being very helpful, and while I do like being helpful, a large part of it is that I can’t leave things well enough alone. More often than not, I cannot compartmentalize what I see to say… I’ll either do it later, or it’s not my job.

Especially if it’s something I know, I can do, or I can find. 

It’s very strange, because it makes me great at my job. I know a lot of things as a result and I’m not afraid to go hunting, but it does eat into my time, but for the most part, I don’t mind.

And yet, I kind of wished I didn’t go digging today.

I book for an Autism assessment team, and a caseworker came to me with an information release form, trying to find out how her client fell through the cracks. Her client, who is now a teenager, had so many red flags as a child, she was trying to figure out why this person was never assessed.

The short answer had to do with where funding came from. Despite the fact the organization I work for has all sorts of programs for children, and has an internal referring process to allow for ease of access of services, the ASD assessment team was not one of those services. Part of the funding actually comes from our universal health care, which means that to see the team, a doctor has to be the one to refer, we cannot refer internally.

And that, should have been that.

But as I was requesting documents from our information department to pass along to the caseworker, I had thought. The caseworker had mentioned the doctor didn’t think autism was involved and hadn’t wanted to refer the client to the team, but when they were little they had a lot of red flags. So I wondered, did anyone from our end, write a letter of support advocating for an assessment. 

It really was a moot point after all these years, but curiosity compelled me and I asked, was there a letter of support in the file.

There was a letter, but it wasn’t to the assessment team, but to a different organization all together. And that confused me, until I saw the letterhead, which had a very old work logo, and then I looked at the year.

And then, against my better judgment, I did a quick Google search. 

The answer, which I wish I didn’t look for, was that this client didn’t get referred… because of timing and chance. As it turned out, that letter was written at least a week before my government announced the program that would give funding to assess children for autism, and the team was created a few months after that announcement. 

There was no assessment team back then, and because of the… often short notice that the government tends to give organizations like the one I work for, notice to get everything in order means that the therapist who wrote that probably had no idea this was going to be a thing we could do in the future. 

In fact, I have been with this team from the start and I remember we had to rustle up some names for the first month or so because it was so last notice for us to get going, we almost didn’t meet our numbers back then.

It’s a very bitter feeling to not only realize this was probably a situation of poor dumb luck, but to also remember the team didn’t always exist. That less than a decade ago, there were no hubs of assessment teams like the one I work for. 

[metrovaliz]

Hello everyone, I haven't been here for a long time, I just don't know where else to tell everything that happened to me I mentioned in some posts that I have a girlfriend, or rather I was In general, I recently turned 18 and I went to my girlfriend's city, we had a good time , then I had to take the train home and everything seemed to be fine until they started ignoring me, disappearing at work , and then she tells me that she wants to take a break from social networks , I'm waiting for her return, in principle, I understand that what- it's not like that, but I'm not as worried as I was later. her friend writes to me, merges a lot of messages, it turns out that she had some kind of experiences and she does not know what to do with the relationship, I hear about it all for the first time as a result, I am very upset I was hysterical because of all this, I had restless dreams about her where she also does not answer me what happened in the end, the next day she appears and tells me that she saw me as a friend all this time and I'm like, why didn't they tell me about this before Like I'll get over it, I was rather sad because of the uncertainty and silence in which I was kept . In the end, we remained friends with the friend who leaked the messages, she decided to stop communicating, because of the drain and, in principle, he was obsessed with her and did not understand the concept of love only obsession and hated me because of jealousy, he also told her to die jokingly and when in response she said something like that, he said that he would kill himself in the end because of her desire to stop communicating with him, he swallowed a lot of pills trying to take his own life, as a result, he vomited them up And she decided not to end her communication with him because he had changed Every day it's so fucked up Basically, when I went to see her, I didn't feel any pleasure. As a result, I just want to go to a therapist. I did not go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist, because I already went to a psychiatrist and I was canceled a course of antidepressants because I drank them for a year But depression has not completely left me, I just feel like I usually have a neutral mood, like I can still feel negative emotions, but not positive ones. Honestly, I'm just tired. Tired of constantly plowing and not getting any praise in the form of positive emotions, tired of failures in my personal life Now, in principle, it is difficult for me to perceive my otp after parting, i think look at my otp "love seems to exist only in fictional universes" or "is it for sure that my otp will not part as well?" Because of this, it is more difficult to draw pictures And in principle, I do not know what to live for, I have not received any reward for my efforts as emotions for many years, it also seems pointless to draw pictures I just want to be happy, at least to drown out the bad moments in my life with positive emotions that I don't have. I don't even hope that I'll ever meet a soulmate anymore. I don't even know how to react to this whole situation with a girl and her friend. I did everything according to the method that was advised to me in a mental hospital, but a year later I still can't get out of depression and the funny thing is that I have a mild but lingering depression, I can't imagine how difficult it is for people with severe depression, if I'm not so bad, but it's still hard for me In fact, relationships often end in breakups, these are my fifth in a row, and in principle it would be strange if the relationship started at my age of 17 and lasted until the end of my life, like this is a very unlikely outcome of events, in fact, my whole life is still ahead, but I have not felt any pleasure from life for a long time and the problem is that my depression was caused by loneliness, in principle, there was a series of very bad events in my life that led to this And in fact, I remained that hunted outcast Unfortunately, while I was being held in silence, I received letters with death wishes from a "fan" who had been friendly to me before