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written-musings · 4 years

Text

Obi-Wan & Padmé post-episode 1

It was a beautiful evening as colorful fireworks exploded and illuminated the night sky of the Naboo, the bursts of the lightshow intertwining with the shouts of glee from the partying crowds dispersed through the depths of Theed below the Palace. The turquoise roofs of the entire city glowed, reflecting the sparkling lights of the show and the gradient pastels of the sunset that ended yet another day as the cool winds from the hills and mountains drifted through the crevices of the capital, greeting one’s face with a comforting embrace of peace. Music echoed through the alleyways up the walls outside of the Palace, the positive and uplifting melodies permeating the air and traveling with the breeze, waltzing away.

Yet young hooded Obi-Wan Kenobi stood outside of his room on the balcony that overlooked the endless stuccos of brick and façades adorned with pillars and carved intricacies, and despite all of the joy and peace that surrounded him, he was full of insurmountable sorrow that seemed to follow him everywhere he went.

Who could blame him? He had watched his Master die and burn before his eyes. He had a new Padawan to teach. He had someone he loved far away. Yet someone was near.

He could feel it.

His elbows rested on the cool stone as he leaned on them, inhaling a deep breath as he absorbed all the emotions he felt from within and right in front of him. Satisfaction should have overcome him, since he was the first to kill a Sith in a millennia, but it did not feel like enough. He had saved millions of lives, but why was the death of a single person such a burden on his heart? It was his fault in his eyes, and it would take him many years to realize that it, in fact, was not.

When there is a battle between light and dark, death is inevitable – because it is merely a shadow that hides between both entities, sneakily snatching their victims until they are satisfied.

Don’t dwell on your feelings.

He released a big sigh as his gaze adverted to the waterfalls that mirrored the pink and purple hues that brushed the dusk sky, bearing the stars of the entire galaxy. But he closed his eyes, thinking of each and every one he could, allowing their light to fill him as the cool, moist, aromatic breeze of roses permeated his skin through his thick robes and suddenly that pained sigh transformed into a sign of relief.

Suddenly, before he could even sense it, a voice greeted him. “Am I bothering you?”

The new Jedi Knight twirled around to find the face of the young, optimistic woman before him with cups of steaming caf in her hands, her face completely bare from the caked makeup she had on during the ceremony just an hour ago. He had excused himself from the festivities of Freedom Day to meditate and not let his intense emotions of sorrow to consume him. But he was glad to see her face, the face of the young woman, not the Queen of Naboo that reverently ruled her people with a sense of pride and advocacy, qualities in a politician he had never quite seen before.

He straightened himself as he spoke, attempting to hide the blush on his cheeks, “Not at all… milady.” She laughed as he emphasized the last term, “Or should I say… Your Highness?” He lowered his hood, revealing his shorter hair and the Padawan braid that trailed his shoulder.

She shot him a look, the look where one narrows their eyes to nonchalantly pierce into their soul – that makes one laugh yet shudder from their grasp...

“I thought I told you not to call me that…” Padmé Naberrie Amidala grinned as she neared him, handing him a porcelain cup of caf, the aromas of the roasted beans filling his nose and making him feel warm.

He took a sip, allowing the dark, hot liquid to linger on his tongue, “I know, Padmé. But I just couldn’t resist.”

Sipping the caf, she joined him on the balcony overlooking the city of her people, the glimmering lights reflecting off of the contours of her face – the twinkles dancing on her cheekbones up to her nose and glimmering on her eyes, then her lips… She leaned against the balcony with her elbows, too, her right only inches away from his left, just two good friends sipping caf on a lovely evening of light.

“If we are using formal pleasantries, then you are Jedi Knight Kenobi, am I wrong?” She turned to look at him with a large smile beaming from her supple lips, the happiest he had seen her since they rode back to Naboo from Tatooine after she finally put Anakin to sleep. This was when she introduced him to caf for the very first time, when they were cold in the depths of hyperspace, warping the dimensions of space and time in the entire process.

“You are not,” he sipped the caf again, clearing his throat with a snarky smirk on his pink lips.

Then there was silence for a while. It was not awkward or uncomfortable at all, but more satisfying, fulfilling as both of these humans were absorbing each other’s presence for all long as they could before they would be apart for however long that would be. After the celebrations, all of the Jedi and Republic dignitaries would vacate the planet and return to Coruscant – where their responsibilities were waiting for them. Padmé had a recovering planet in her hands while Obi-Wan was tasked to train the so-called “Chosen One.” Leisure trips between the two worlds were impossible and both of them knew it.

“Thank you,” she nearly whispered, holding the cup of caf in her hands, watching her reflection slowly dissipate as the sun slowly set beyond the mountainous horizon.

“For what?” He looked at her, his Coruscanti accent emphasized in the last word.

She nonchalantly chuckled under her breath and took a sip, “Thank you for talking me into having the Freedom Day ceremonies despite all the chaos of the galaxy that abounds. You were right.” The woman paused, allowing him to focus on the dark, thick curls on her head that he had not noticed before – they were beautiful.

Tucking some locks behind her ear she continued, “You were right because we cannot dwell on the past. We must continue to walk on our paths for the sake of not just ourselves, but others.”

He did not speak for a moment, only sipping the hot beverage as he was deep in his thoughts. “It’s what Qui-Gon would have wanted.”

Padmé sighed, taking the last sip of the caffeinated treat before placing it on the balcony edge. Turning to him she spoke, “Obi-Wan, I know we have been so busy with our own duties but I never got to pay my respects to y–.”

Interrupting her he shook his head, his eyes wide and serious, “No, no. You do not need to do that. Really.”

She hesitated, wondering what to say. What could she say at a time like this? Jedi don’t die of unnatural causes often, especially from the vengeful hands of Sith lords. Not many Jedi lose their Masters this young. Yet these situations were right in front of her and she had no idea how to navigate them, especially since the person she cared about was right in front of her.

“Obi-Wan… I know you do not want to talk about it and I respect that. Therefore, I will refrain from discussing it. I know that Jedi teach that one should not let their feelings cloud their judgement. However, that does not mean that you should suppress them and compartmentalize them away – not at a time like this.”

“I’m fine, Padmé, I promise.” He still faced the city, not meeting her eyes to hide his tears. He could not break in front of her, he could not.

She somehow felt the brokenness in him, a wound so fresh that it would take time to heal. Not many others saw this, and she saw the façade when Obi-Wan discussed future plans with Anakin during the funeral of the Jedi, the fire supposedly burning all senses of sorrow away. He was composed, stoic, devoid of any sense of emotion. But here, now, in this moment, he was far from apathetic, indifferent from the universe around him. In fact, he was quite the opposite. Padmé could not really see it on the expressions chiseled into the youthful lines of his face, but she tasted the bitterness he had toward himself and the burning pain that accompanied it. It hurt her to see, no, to feel him this way. Grabbing his sleeve, he turned toward her as the dams he created were so close to breaking.

He was stronger than this.

He had to be.

Yet her presence, by some means, was some sort of weapon that made him most vulnerable and he hurt even more when he saw the concern etched in the crevices of her face.

Before tears could overflow from his eyes, she pulled him close to her in a warm embrace. And suddenly the sorrow and pain diminished as she held him, frozen from surprise by her actions as he felt her head brimmed with curls that rested on his shoulder. He did not know what to say as this warmth filled his entire body from head to toe; it was almost like he had been waiting for something this tangible his entire life and he had been ignorant before this very moment. Inhaling the sobs in his throat away, he smelled the aromatic fragrance of sweet roses and hints of hairspray. Regardless, he somehow felt at… home.

He never really had one.

His arms soon wrapped around her frail frame as he held her closer than he had ever held any other person – and it was the first time he had felt alive in a long time.

He never touched her… Satine… Yet she was far… Far away.

Pulling away, he grasped Padmé’s hands, surprising her as she looked up at him, the lights from the fire show radiating from his blue eyes. “Thank you….” He paused as he never broke his gaze into her caf-colored eyes, the hot, caffeinated, tempting liquid beckoning him, yet he restrained himself. “I have not had someone to truly confide in in quite some time.”

She blushed lightly, “But you did not say anything.”

He shook his head with a coy smile across his lips, “But you understood enough. You reminded me to feel the light.”

She beamed, radiating happiness, filling him with even more light. “I owe that advice to the person who gave it to me and he happens to be right in front of me.” She bore her bright white teeth with a smile he would mentally capture and hold in his heart for quite some time. He did not want to let his friend go.

“Would you like to sit?” He asked, trying to buy time and looking around the grand room only to realize there was nowhere to sit but his bed.

She took her hands from his and spoke, “Are you sure you do not have anywhere to be, Jedi Knight?”

He laughed, his voice so bright and light – it was merely like a leaf drifting in the breeze as it slowly trickled toward the ground to its final resting place. “I should be asking you that question.”

“My decoy is giving me a much needed break for the night. She said saving our planet from invasion and handling the consequences with the Republic have proven to be exhausting. Thus, handling the festivities would be an opportunity for me to rest before I continue on with my term.”

“Ah,” he responded as he gestured to the bed for them to sit, only he plopped himself on the bed to prop his head back against the regal headboard, placing his hands behind his head as his elbows were acute to the side. “You think your people will be like me and notice?”

She snickered as she sat on the side of the bed, “I honestly do not think so…” She was playing with the fabric on the bed before looking up at him with a big smile. “I say you were an exception to the plot… Well… Besides…” She stopped herself and opened her mouth to apologize, but he spoke before she could.

“He did not know that I knew.” He jeered, before he sat up, “So it’ll be our little secret.”

She tilted her head, narrowing her eyes suspiciously, “Of course only Qui-Gon knew.”

“Do you think he knew that secretly communicated with the comlink I gave you – so you could tell me all the background information while you were trying to find help on Tatooine?” Obi-Wan cheekily grinned, his mouth opened wide and bearing dimples on his face.

She shook her head, “I most certainly hope not…” Giggling, she looked up at him again, forgetting all the pain that came with the invasion, the torture of her people, specifically the two handmaidens that stayed behind, risking their lives to protect her. Now she was here laughing, and that little thought hurt her a bit. “Obi-Wan?”

“Yes?”

“When did you find out?” She asked him, referring to the moment he found out that she was the queen.

He pondered for a moment, his eyes drifting to the two empty porcelain mugs that rested on the edge balcony barricade then back on her, “I think I realized it when I was looking for Anakin… When I stopped by now Palpatine’s quarters to find a queen preparing for her appearance to the Senate. I must say the Queen of Naboo was quite surprised to see me considering I had barely said a word to her.”

“Really?”

He nodded his head, “Really… Your stuttering, ‘O- oh. A- Ani is not here at the moment’ followed by subtle giggles from the handmaidens. It was quite the show.” He mimicked her flat voice almost perfectly.

She looked away, embarrassed, the warmth of the blood rushing to her cheeks.

Let us be quite honest, these young humans felt many things during this night together. In fact, they felt many things they did not want to acknowledge themselves. But each second they spent together, they relished every little fragment they could. If anything, Obi-Wan Kenobi learned not to take things for granted especially after he had met Duchess Satine Kryze years ago, when his commitment to the Jedi Order prevented him from pursuing anything further. He did not really realize it, but it broke him in some way. Padmé did not know very much, other than the fact that she had dedicated herself to politics at such a young age, whatever she had with that artist years ago had diminished into nothingness, leaving the two souls together as the rest of her homeworld celebrated liberation, freedom, peace. They did not know what the future or the Force had in store, only that they had each other during this time.

They conversed, unbothered and undisturbed, for what felt like hours to the point that the evening chill had filled the room and they had to light the fireplace in front of the bed. Both of their faces were bathed in the fire light as they laughed and joked with one another. It was this small period of time in their lives where they forgot who they were and the horrors of their pasts – they were just Obi-Wan and Padmé, two friends who had met by chance during a planetary invasion. Yet despite their idea of friendship, they had fallen far deeper than they had realized. Soon the giggles and non-pleasantries had turned into stories of their pasts, their aspirations, their dreams, then transitioning into hums of exhaustion as their backs rested on the cushions of his bed, their eyes gazing at engraved flowers of the ceiling as the caffeine wore off and they truly felt the burdens that were placed on their shoulders that allowed them to mindlessly drift into an inevitable slumber.

Together.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13543652/1/Isolated-An-Obidala-Story

#Obidala #But Obidala makes the prequels great again #obiwan #obi wan kenobi #kenobi #padme x obi wan #obi wan x padme #padme amidala #queen of naboo #star wars #star wars fanfiction #only obidala shippers see this

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lovenotesandneonstars · 4 years

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And That’s Enough.

Wanna hear a secret?

Every writer I've ever known has, at some point, faced a soul-crushing anxiety over whether or not they're really a writer.

"But Topher," you might say, "That's not a secret!"

If I were being clever, I might give you a wink and the slight twitch of my nose that all the wise old men do. But I'm not very clever, I'm not necessarily wise, and I'm not old. So instead, I figured I might tell you about how I learned to solve that crisis for myself. But in order to get there, we have to start at the beginning.

I was a fairly lonely kid, never really had a steady friends' group, and when I was in second grade I started deliberately getting lunch detention so that I could spend my lunch period reading without being harassed by my classmates. I thought it was a genius plan. Well, that, and my second grade teacher (who was also my third grade teacher, yay for small towns!) and I had a personality clash. I would finish my work too fast and start reading from my pocket dictionary (yeah, I was THAT nerd), and would correct him in class. He, in return, would try to find any way possible to punish or humiliate me. It was fun! I loved reading no matter what trouble it got me in, and getting in trouble just gave me more time to read.

Ask any writer you know and they'll tell you that in order to write, you have to enjoy reading. And I was always excited to read (which hasn't changed much as I've grown, I just find less time to be able to read these days. #Adulting, right?) at any chance I got. When I was in 5th grade, I stayed in the truck with no AC and just the window rolled down for 3 hours while my mom went grocery shopping to read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (which took me a whopping 5 hours to finish!). When sixth grade rolled around, I started wanting to try my hand at creating something instead of just consuming it. For a lonely, depressed kid, the world of fiction was the best friend I had.

The first thing I remember writing was House MD fanfiction. It was my favorite show and I started out as any respectable fanfiction writer does: with a Mary Sue self-insert! Eventually, I had a small cult following on the school bus, and found my way to the big leagues of fanfiction.net about a year later. I moved onto another overdone trope: songfics. From there, I kept writing fanfic, even after my mom found it and banned me from it. I just enjoyed writing so much. House MD turned into Harry Potter which turned into Glee. I should also mention the other kind of writing I found as an eleven year old, right after I started writing fanfic: role playing. I stumbled upon a Harry Potter RP one day while trying to find video games for my favorite franchise and, with the help of a kindly more experienced role player, was taught how to RP. I was hooked. Soon, all my free time turned to writing. I was neglecting my video games in favor of blasting my favorite album at any point and writing more and more. And when I wasn't writing, I was reading. Harry Potter, The Princess Diaries, Percy Jackson, whatever I could get my hands on. Middle school was consumed by writing and reading, whether it was the actual series I was into or fanfiction for it.

Then came high school, and my RP site shut down, and my book pile ran out, and I fell into a deeper depression than I had before. I had always loved music, but I got more into it as I couldn't find much to read that I was interested in. But on the bright side, I was making real friends! I wasn't spending my lunch times alone anymore, and I had people to talk to about the fandoms I loved. Writing and reading fell to the wayside as I explored more music and l got back into video games. I was also a theatre kid, and was getting ready to audition for my first high school play.

Everything changed when my mom passed away on December 5th, 2011, 4 days after her 52nd birthday. My dad made me stay home for a week, and when I came back, all my "friends" refused to talk to me or spend time with me. My depression hit heavier than ever, and I was even lonelier after having had a taste of regular friendship. I spent all my time playing video games and listening to dark, angry music, until June 2012, when I watched a movie called It's Kind of a Funny Story, based on the book by Ned Vizzini while I was sick. It instantly felt like I needed the book in my life, and my dad, thrilled to see me wanting to read again, let me order the book. I fell in love, and to this day, over 8 years later, it's still my favorite book. Soon after, my love of writing came back and hit me and I got back into role playing. I had a role model to look up to who wrote something so relatable to me that it hurt so good, and the video games took a back burner. I was inventing people left and right to see what kind of trouble I could get them into.

My world came screeching to another halt when my newfound role model took his own life on December 19th, 2013. This time, though, instead of backing off from the role playing, I dove deeper into it. I found new friends on the internet and kept making new people. Not long after that, I came out as transgender, and used writing to cope with my dysphoria and strained relationship with my family. Every waking minute I was either role playing or thinking about role playing. I snuck on my phone in class to write replies when the teacher wasn't looking. I wrote replies in my notebook to type up when I got home. I went from short, 3-sentence replies to hundreds of words at a time.

Then, in May 2015, I graduated high school, and I was off to college as a psych major! In the time between, I had graduated to running RP sites as well, and I was constantly writing. My summer was filled with writing, and once I made it to college, I got back into fanfiction, this time on Archive of Our Own. AO3 seemed far more professionally laid out, and it had more freedom of what could be posted. I started writing band fanfiction. I made friends through my fanfiction, now, in addition to RP. It was where I would retreat when homework was too boring or my classes were too much. In November 2015, I participated in my first National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). I instantly found the community I was meant to be in and made many friends that I would come to consider family. Ny first NaNo I came in just shy of 13,000 words on a band fic. I couldn't believe I had managed all that in one month with being a college freshman, starting a new job, and continuing to work on my role playing! Things were great! For the next year, my life was nothing short of amazing. I got a summer job on campus, went to my first Pride, and made more friends.

Once again, my life came to a screeching halt on November 2, 2016. Remember how I mentioned I'd always struggled with mental health issues? Well, I ended up in the hospital for just over 21 hours for suicidal intent. This was pretty much the darkest moment and a turning point in my life. It was also kind of ironic, because my favorite book had to do with much the same thing. After getting out, I dove back into NaNoWriMo for the second time, still working on band fic, and this time, ended up just short of 20,000 words. I was doing more, and using it to take away the anxiety I was feeling in my classes. I was hating my major, and the RPs I was in were falling through, but I had a project to work on. For the first time, I kept working on the project after NaNo was over. Things were good again, and over the summer, I made the decision to change my major from Psychology to Creative Writing, but ultimately had to wait one more term because I was already signed up for classes.

I completed my third NaNoWriMo in 2017 with fewer words than the previous year. But I was committed. I had helped start a Discord for my home region for NaNo and was now spending almost full-time hours volunteering for my region. I finished my last semester as a Psych major and then I made my way home for the holidays, where I continued to write, diving back into fanfic for TV shows and now adding Youtubers to the mix. When I returned to school at the beginning of 2018, I started my new life in all my English classes, including my first writers' workshop, and I fell in love. I was still writing fanfiction, though, while others were writing original fiction, and all that I could think was that I HAD to be a fraud. How could I be a real writer if I was just writing fanfiction for my classes? It was frustrating to think that I was stuck writing something that most people saw as mindless drivel, or even ripoffs of the works and lives of others. After my first term of creative writing, I took some time off from my fiction class, and used that to take a break from anything that wasn't RP.

Fall 2018 brought with it many challenges. For one, my college converted to the semester system, and having to confront a new length of term was difficult. It also brought around an intermediate fiction course for me, as well as a creative nonfiction course. Here, I found something I enjoyed: I was able to write about my own life, instead of the lives of band members. After a while, I got to know the band members, which completely killed my desire to write band fic. Life seemed a lot easier without that urge, and I started writing original fiction. In November 2018, for the first time, I wrote original fiction for my 4th NaNoWriMo, and my word count grew, once more, to just under 22,500 words. It was progress, and I felt great. I finally knew how to work on something original on my own.

Spring 2019 was even harder than I had faced before: I had received the news that I was not getting financial aid, and would not be able to return to school the next year. I was devastated, and determined not to have to return to my dad's house for the following year, back to the small town where I had no prospects. I scrambled to find a job, but nothing worked out, and for the next seven months, I jumped from living situation to living situation, relying on my friends to keep me alive and ending up in a tightly packed studio apartment with 2 friends and their 3 cats.

One of these 7 months was my 5th NaNoWriMo and my second attempt at original fiction, this time trying to use a character I had been RPing with for some 6 years at the time. I started using new writing tools, like 4TheWords, and threw myself into NaNo, using it to deal with the frustrations of everyday life. This was the first time I came so far: 28,611 words! And still... My project stalled out. As a major pantser, I had gone into the project with one developed character, one who only had a name and profession, and the plotline "They fall in love". It was freeing, to have something new to work on that I had no idea where I was headed and that I had someone brand new to create. All this was helping me adjust to the new job I found in September, a job I found myself absolutely loving. It was the best time in the world, all I could ask for. I found a new RP site and made more friends. Come December 31st, I found a new place to live, and was finally living on my own.

Then, my writing on that novel stalled out. I couldn't figure out where to go, or what to do with my characters, and so I dove back into role playing. It was all I could do, really, to keep myself occupied when I wasn't working. Things were looking up: I found out I was returning to school in fall; I loved my job; my roommate and I got along well. And then, things fell apart again, to the point where I had to stay somewhere else for over a month while there were construction issues on my apartment. I was depressed, but RP and writing kept me going. Finally, things settled down, and life seemed well again.

That is, until halfway through March, when COVID-19 ended up basically destroying the world I lived in. I lost my job (live performances during a pandemic are a no-no) and had to move back in with my dad, and, well, here we are. 4 months post job loss, I'm trying to get ready for all online classes, and trying to cope with moving back to the town that I couch surfed to avoid. It's been hard, and writing hasn't come easily. I haven't been able to really focus on anything other than role playing until now, and I still find myself questioning whether I'm REALLY a writer every time I realize that this essay or my RP is the only writing I've done in months. After all, how can I claim to be really dedicated to NaNoWriMo or even my writing in general if I can never finish a project? It's been almost impossible for me to do so in the past. All I've been able to do is come up with yet another idea that I've yet to attempt to actually write, and that has no real plot, and that I'll (probably) never finish, either?

Then I think of why I started to write this. I needed to have some writing to show some people I want to impress, and I started angsting over whether or not I'm actually a writer, and if I'm really cut out for this. And the fact that there are over 2500 words more on the page than there were when I started means that, in spite of all my anxieties, I am a writer. All these words I've put out into the world the last several years would never have come into the world the way I've decided to use them if I wasn't a writer. Even now, as I sit here writing this post, for something that I truly love, I'm reminded that I'm not a writer because I follow XYZ formula, or because I plan things meticulously, or because I have some famous novel out there. I'm a writer because I write. And that's enough.

#essay #2020 #writing #am i really a writer #nanowrimo #life #creative nonfiction

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paradise-of-guilty-pleasures · 4 years

Text

Shattered Reflections {20}

[Helsa RP- Fanfic]

Fandom: Frozen

Genre: Post-Frozen/ Canon Divergence

- Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Romance

Pairing(s): Hans/Elsa, Kristoff/Anna

Previous Chapter: 19.Girls’ Night

A/N:

Prepare for Puns xD

20. Boys’ Night

While the sisters had a lovely tea party inside their pillow fort, the boys’ night out was continuing to be unsurprisingly uneventful. Kristoff had finished brushing Sven a while ago, and now the boys were stuck roaming around the courtyard, encircling it for what seemed like the millionth time. Olaf got bored fairly easily, so of course he tried to nullify his boredom himself the only way he knew how, by talking, practically non-stop, barely letting Kristoff get a word in edgewise. Olaf's virtually self-supporting conversation consisted of him rambling stories, spontaneously jumping into song, and (the part that actually required Kristoff to be present to answer them) curious questions.

"...magic, so I guess Elsa's like my mom, but kids seem to have both a mom and a dad, and they don't have magic --at least I don't think they do-- so it's got me thinking, how do people make babies without magic?" Olaf wondered curiously, it one of the countless questions he had asked that night.

Kristoff had always been a good listener, so he didn't mind the rambling. They could possibly have done other things, but Kristoff was at least vaguely aware of Hans' whereabouts and wanted to be sure he was nearby in case he was needed. He wasn't oblivious to boredom per se-- just too focused on everything else to process it.

He just about choked when he tuned in to Olaf's question. He certainly made a sound like it, but he cleared his throat.

"Why is this not the first time I've been asked that?" He asked, more to himself and his gods than anything. "It involves complex biology and is way more gross than you'd want it to be..." He started.

"Oh look, we have company!" He changed the subject quickly and pointed out Hans and the Captain wandering home. In spite of the drinking, Hans seemed little more wobbly than he already had been with his injury.

"Ahoy Admiral!" Kristoff called, just to draw attention and avoid the question from Olaf.

"View Hallou!" Hans replied, curious what he was being hailed for. "The night is young and we are getting older." Hans joked dryly to the Captain, wandering to meet Kristoff and the party. "Well if it isn't the little snow-prince and the Arendelle royal cavalry. Good evening gentlemen. And I am counting the reindeer." He gave a respectful greeting gesture to all of them, perhaps especially the reindeer.

"I'm Sven," he introduced. He should at least be known by his name instead of just being 'the reindeer'.

"Oh! Hans the Fool!" Olaf greeted, now completely sidetracked from the question he'd asked earlier. "Are you having a night out, as well?" Hans raised an eyebrow at Kristoff, more amused than perplexed, though there was plenty of that.

"I am, little prince. Getting to know the Captain. It appears I'll be helping the Royal Guard with my sword. I'm a little more than a fool, I must admit. Shall we have the remains of a night out together? Telling stories and whatnot?" Hans' tone was always lighter and sweeter with Olaf, as anyone might be while working with children. Especially a fool.

Olaf's face brightened with glee at the notion of having Hans join them.

"Yes! Let's do that!" Olaf exclaimed with excitement. He really did appreciate Hans' company, no offense to Kristoff and Sven, but having someone else that shared his enthusiasm, overjoyed Olaf.

"If that's what you wish to do."

"Good Evening," saluted the Captain, as he approached the group. "I see Westergaard's already inviting himself to join your party," he chuckled, already accustomed to his antics. "Is it alright to leave him in your hands?" He attentively asked Kristoff, almost as if he was watching over a puppy or a small child, instead of a grown man, a slightly drunken man, sure, but still. The Captain thought he should ask, Hans felt like he was his responsibility and he didn't impose anyone with that duty without their consent.

"Not going to join us, Captain? Just handing over Gaoler duty?" Hans joked dryly. He honestly meant it as a joke, but perhaps it did speak to his self-image.

"We'll be fine, Captain. In spite of Anna's wariness, I'm pretty sure I can handle this driftwood log, and if he gives me trouble, I can always pitch him back out to sea." Kristoff joked, nudging Hans with his foot.

"Oho, the Reindeer Lord has jokes. One of us is the Queen's fool, be careful who you challenge." Hans joked in return. He truly wore that stupid made-up title with pride. But then, Kristoff had his own made-up title, perhaps it was only fair.

"Hate to be an old fogey, but I'm afraid I've had enough excitement for one night, all I want to do now is get as much rest as I can to try to avoid having a headache in the morning," he said as he yawned. "I think my ears are still ringing from all that singing," the Captain twisted his pinky in his ear as if trying to dislodge something. "Keeping up with you isn't easy, you've completely drained me, boy. I need to hand over the reins and have someone else keep a watchful eye on you, just because of your capriciousness, and for your own well-being. Wouldn't want to find you floating in the fountain in the morning. I lost track of everything that happened tonight at the tavern, but if I recall correctly, I'm sure at one point you suggested doing a balancing act on a chair."

"Oh, I've seen him do that once," Olaf interposed.

"Of course, you've done it before, why am I not surprised?" The captain said with a disapproving head shake as he brought a hand up to his face. He let out a sigh. "Anyway, thank you for keeping tabs on him Lord Kristoff," he gave a nod in appreciation. "Fair warning though, his mood seems to be as fickle as the sea."

Hans laughed. "You flatter me, captain. And you need more practice at drinking if you plan to keep up with me. I was still sober at that suggestion." Hans grinned wryly. "And at the singing. I just like singing." He hummed. "Sleep, old man. See you in the morning, we'll try to keep tomorrow quiet then, hm?" Hans thumped the Captain on the shoulder, as good mates do.

"What else would we expect? Fickle moods seem to be all we know of him for sure." Kristoff pointed out. But he smiled and shook his head a little. "Tag me in next time, we'll see how I do at holding my drinks against a sea captain."

"I'd say bragging about your sobriety when acting like you were isn't something you should be proud of boy, but you already dub yourself a fool," he chuckled. "Indeed. Next time you're welcome to put him in his place," the Captain affirmed with a nod. "Goodnight gentleman, hope you enjoy the rest of your night-- and you don't cause too much trouble," he nudged Hans back.

"I'm off to bed. I bid you all adieu." After one more reverence, the Captain took his leave.

"Can I go to the drinking party next time too?" Olaf childishly asked. He wasn't aware of the alcohol involved, instead he was envisioning some sort of manly tea party. "It sounds like fun!"

Hans laughed a little. "Maybe when you're much older, little prince." He teased. "The men say things we oughtn't say around younger folks, and act more like fools than we ever should." He observed. "But what the captain doesn't know is, a fool is wiser than he seems, and a wise man more foolish than wise men ever think. The wisest man is the one who takes himself for a fool, even around fools." Hans smiled a little, playing wordplay games. He always liked puns and wordplay.

"This is like that riddle, 'the wisest man is he who understands that he understands nothing'." Kristoff hummed. "Hans likes to say silly things, and worse, sometimes I imagine he says things that get him into trouble." Kristoff observed.

"Aye, and out of it. More often out than in, but when in, then in big." He observed. It was a statement one really had to track to understand, but that seemed like the theme. Drunken philosophy night with the strangest assortment of characters around. "So, what are we all wandering about for?" Hans hummed.

"The ladies are having a girls’ night, so I was on patrol to keep an eye out that you weren't up to trouble." Kristoff answered honestly.

"What a good guard you are. You've certainly done that job." Hans hummed.

"Out drinking with the Captain of the Guard? I bet that was a wild night."

"Cards, drinks, and encouraging positive feelings toward myself. It's so easy, as if my last visit to Arendelle never happened. Anna is thus far the most sensible person I've seen." Hans admitted, a bit more soberly.

"You're not upset?"

"Oh, deeply. But that's sort of the point, isn't it." Hans didn't seem too bothered, just logical.

"Aw," Olaf groaned when he was denied his request to partake in the future fun only because he was deemed 'too young'. People kept telling him, 'when you're older Olaf', but when was that going to happen? He was a walking talking snowman, not an actual child though he was very much one in essence. Olaf tried to follow Hans and Kristoff's conversation, but got a bit lost in their philosophical talk. Hans smiled a little at Olaf. "Just as well, I don't think it would appeal as much to you, yet. Not really. In much the same way that politics only makes sense and isn't boring when you get older, it likely wouldn't be quite the same for you as for us." He assured him. He almost instinctively patted Olaf's head, perhaps forgetting that he was made of ice and snow.

"You two seem chummy." Kristoff remarked, amused.

"Of course. He's kept me company while I've been unable to walk around and chatter quite so much. I don't talk very much at home, it's good to be here and be able to say the things I think. Oh, Olaf, did you ever figure out what the meaning of my story was, that day of the raid? I suppose I never finished it. Predictable, but the best stories are the ones that take what you know and turn it upside-down. Like an hourglass, it renews the story." He may not have been drunk, but Hans certainly wasn't sober either. He was prone enough to meander (both in words and walk) while sober, and drinking only exacerbated it as he wandered off toward grass, just to walk on something more natural than cobble. Hans loved adventure, even if it was only venturing off the cobblestones.

Olaf laughed a little at being patted on the head. "Hmm...the meaning of the story?" he pondered. "I think it means that even the Mirror Prince had his own side to the story," answered the little snowman. It was obvious even to him what story Hans had been trying to tell him that day. "You know, I have my own retelling of that story too and so does Sven, don't you Sven?"

"Oh, I would wager you do." Hans agreed, sounding intrigued. "So you've figured out that I'm not just Hans the Fool, then?" He hummed, with a little smile. "I keep picking up titles these days, sooner or later I won't know what to do with them all. I wonder if they can be recycled. Someone else can be a prince, I'll keep Fool and Admiral and let the others slide." He joked, all lighthearted for the moment-- perhaps purely because Olaf was there.

"Do pray tell, tell your version of the story? You can be quite a storyteller all your own." Hans remarked, his tone light and sweet. Kristoff wondered if that was what he was always like with children-- as Hans seemed under the firm delusion that Olaf was more of a strange child than a 'snowman given life through strange ice magic'. Kristoff supposed that was the better way to view things. Would he be like that with his own children? If Hans ever chose to have any, anyway. That would be its own pot of problems when they got there. Kristoff was glad that wasn't his problem-- but lately he had been thinking a lot more about families and family life. One could hardly blame him for thinking about the way Hans thought. Especially since he seemed to show a different face for every combination of company he might keep. Sometimes it seemed to change by the moment.

"Oh, yeah, everybody wouldn't be making such a fuss about you if you were just a fool, but I do prefer Hans the Fool," he giggled. The young snowman's face lit up at the invitation to share his account of the day he was created and the events that followed.

"Okay, be prepared, I'm going to start from the beginning, well, my beginning since I wasn't there for the rest of it. This story starts up on the North Mountain where Elsa created me using her magic..." Olaf was very thorough in the retelling of his story. He told Hans how Anna, Kristoff and Sven freaked out similarly (or even more so) than he did when they first met him as well. He went into detail about everything (even the unimportant stuff) from how he got his nose, his love for warm hugs, mistaking Kristoff for Sven and of course his love for summer. Olaf continued his explanation about how he led his new friends up the North Mountain to find Elsa to bring back summer. Of course he couldn't gloss over he got impaled. And trivial facts like how he waited for exactly one minute before he joined Anna to talk to Elsa at the Ice Palace. How Elsa herself was also a bit shocked that she'd brought him to life. He described the sisters' interaction after Elsa stuck Anna and how they got kicked out by Marshmallow, only to have Anna aggravate him shortly after. He couldn't leave out how he bravely volunteered to distract and hold Marshmallow back to no avail and that they all ultimately fell off the cliff. Olaf didn't skip out on any of the awkwardness. He went on to talk about how they all ventured to Kristoff's 'Love Experts', and how he thought Kristoff was totally crazy talking to rocks he called his family until they revealed themselves to be trolls. Also that he figured out his name was Kristoff not Sven. Olaf relayed the full extent of their visit with the trolls, attempted wedding and all and how they went to go find Hans (for a kiss) after they were told that 'only true love thaw a frozen heart'.

He explained how he ended up getting separated from the group and that he was the one that had found Anna locked up after Hans abandoned her. Olaf recounted how he almost melted trying to warm Anna up. He was quite proud of his 'Love Expert' advice that made Anna realize that Kristoff really cared for her. Then it was on to how the two of them managed to escape a freezing castle through a window and make it to the fjord. Olaf had gotten blown away by the storm and so the next thing he witnessed was Elsa embracing a frozen Anna on the fjord. Olaf expressed how devastating it was to think they lost Anna forever, but was happy when he was first to notice that Anna had in fact been saved, her frozen heart thawed by an act of true love different than the one they all had envisioned and that none of them had expected. He conveyed how delighted he was at the return of the summer once Elsa was able to control her powers, even though the sun had promptly begun to melt him, but thankfully Elsa kept him from melting. That was practically the end of his story about the events he'd observed, because after that he had been too distracted and overjoyed, by his own personal flurry that allowed him to enjoy summer, to pay attention to everything else that was going around him, like Hans getting punched in the face by Anna. The little snowman was very animated with his explanation, transforming himself and acting out the parts as he went along, he was a very theatrical storyteller even more so than Hans.

"...and that's the story of how I spent my first day of life."

Hans laughed through much of it, amused by Olaf's transformations and animated behavior, and all of his excitement.

"You lived quite an adventurous life, and all in one day! Many people would be jealous, and I would venture to say you have lived the most adventurous life of any snowman. I wonder if Marshmallow would say the same? I very much remember Marshmallow, nearly killed me on the ice bridge, but what an adventure that was!" Hans hummed. He seemed quite fond of Olaf, and only more so with time.

"You remind me of someone, somehow, but I'm not quite sure..."

"Yourself." Kristoff proposed.

"How, exactly? We're not exactly alike." Hans pointed out.

"You both laugh in the face of death, love jokes and stories, change to adapt to your environment, and everyone underestimates what you're thinking." Kristoff gestured to both of them.

"...Well perhaps, but there's no need to insult him." Hans scoffed, tone a little flatter.

"Oh shut up, I bet he's what you would have been like if you were raised in a happy family, without whatever screwed you up." Kristoff wouldn't let Hans deflect this one. And granted, perhaps Hans would have been a little annoying. Most children were. Olaf truly was just a child.

"Hm. That may be so, but for once I don't find much merit in exploring hypotheticals. I can't imagine that alternative history. I'll have to just enjoy the one we're in, instead." His tone was perhaps a little less pleasant. If anything, he seemed a little more protective of Olaf, after that. He didn't want anyone to think they were like him. He was one of the disappointments, a prince turned treasoner and fool. He was not an example to follow.

"Ah, yes, an adventure of a lifetime, those were the days. My, how time flies." Olaf said in an almost reminiscent tone. "I don't know if Marshmallow would say the same, he's not much of a talker. But what I can say for him is that sure mellowed out since the last time," Olaf laughed at his own joke.

"You both love wordplay..." Kristoff added, amused, as Hans laughed at Olaf's joke. Hans was probably the only one who would laugh at that joke.

"Your lifetime is only just beginning! You also lived through the assault on the castle, remember, there's plenty of adventuring time left." Hans assured, then he brightened up more. "Ah! I'm out of the castle, I can visit my horse in the stables! Would you all mind if we went? I haven't seen him in... probably a month? I'm not sure how long, now. Two?" He turned to go that way without waiting. Whether Kristoff wanted him to go or not, Hans wanted to see his horse. Kristoff shrugged and moved to follow. He was planning to end the night there anyway, and may as well let the man see his buddy.

"Oh! You have a horse? Is it a boy or a girl? What's it's name? Do you talk to them like Kristoff does to Sven," Olaf asked an abundant amount of questions as they headed back towards the stables.

Hans chuckled. "It's a boy, his name is Sitron. I talk to him, but he doesn't talk back." Hans assured with a little laugh. When he made it there, he jogged toward the horse, ignoring the pain in his side. Sitron seemed happy to see him, too, making happy sounds and tossing his mane. Hans threw his arms around his horse's neck and petted him. He was deeply fond of his horse, and they clearly missed each-other. Once again, it was easy to forget he was a prince, once. Now he was a man who had little but a mixed reputation, and a horse. A horse he was very glad to see again.

"Hello you, I'll have to go riding again soon, they haven't been giving you enough exercise, hm?" He cooed to the horse, petting its nose. "I never thought I was going to see you again." While he kept his tone relatively neutral, it was just because there were people around. He had deeply missed his horse. He had few other friends.

Sitron was indeed ecstatic to see Hans again, it had been far too long that they were about. He gently trotted with excitement at the notion of being ridden again. His tail was raised in excitement and his ears were facing forward in full attention. Of course he had to sniff and nuzzle Hans with his nose. There was no doubt Fjord Horse had deeply missed his friend as well.

"Oh, so that's Sitron, handsome horse, I was wondering where he'd come from, looks like he really missed you," smiled the little snowman. "Maybe you should groom him," he suggested, seeing that Kristoff had brushed Sven to start off the night and the reindeer seemed to enjoy it, so. "I know Sven likes it a lot when Kristoff does that to him."

"You know, I was thinking that myself." Hans agreed, immediately rolling up his sleeves and looking for the supplies to groom. Kristoff handed some over so Hans wouldn't have to think about it, and Hans happily took to tending to the horse as if he did that all the time. Maybe he had been a prince, but he had been a prince who wanted to be useful. "Ah, the lemon's turning into a lemon cake. You need to exercise." Hans teased, patting his horse's side to indicate that the horse was getting a little chubby. Still, he was glad his horse was being overfed, rather than underfed. He was the horse of a treasonist, after all. "Are they taking good care of you? You look well-groomed at least. No parade horse, but there's no neglect in Her Majesty's stables." Hans observed, more muttering at the horse than really talking to him as he groomed.

Sitron whinnied to show he was content. He was being treated well of course but he sure did miss going out for rides instead of being cooped up in his stall most the day.

"Did you name him yourself or was he named that when you got him?" Wondered the curious snowman. "He doesn't look like a sour horse to me," he commented since he didn't understand why he was named after a lemon.

Hans chuckled. "I did, I was a boy and boys do silly things. He's got a slightly yellow-y tint and it reminded me of lemon meringue, especially with his mane." He hummed. "Certainly not a sourpuss, Sitron has been my friend for years. Sometimes the only one I felt like I could talk to, since he can't talk about whatever I tell him. Secrets are a resource in my homeland, they're hard to keep and valuable for it. No matter how mild, it seems it can be a danger. So if I only told my horse, I never had to fear it getting to anyone else. And what does a horse care what I have to say? He's a horse. He cares that I feed him, groom him, ride him, and make sure his shoes are on right." Of course, the stable hands handled the shoes in Arendelle. Not that he would usually shoe a horse, but he liked to at least make sure they were taken care of.

"Your homeland sounds like an awful place if you can't talk to anyone but your horse," remarked Olaf. "No offense to you lemon meringue, I'm sure you're a great listener."

"It is." Hans assured, nonchalantly. "Our family and staff have a lot of petty squabbles and teasing that tends to go... overboard. I'm the youngest, I get a lot more trouble than the rest. That's why I left for anywhere else. The sea is a great big 'anywhere else' to me. When I couldn't sail, I rode. As far as possible, somewhere as wild as possible. Often to a beach or a shore, sometimes to explore some forest. A horse makes for a fine friend, but it does lead to much less conversation." Hans admitted, focusing on his grooming. Sitron didn't seem offended, it was the truth.

"You and Kristoff are a lot alike when it comes to finding fine friends in animals, yet Sven does seem to converse more than Sitron. But then again Kristoff isn't much of a conversationalist when it comes to people, I've heard him sing that he thinks 'reindeer are better than people' when playing his lute," mentioned the childish snowman. "I think it's because he was raised by rock trolls," he tried whispering the last part.

"Aye, you could say that." Kristoff admitted, amused as he folded his arms and looked down at Olaf with a raised eyebrow.

Hans laughed a little.

"Maybe he's not wrong. A reindeer never committed a coup." He pointed out lightly. "Everything's a matter of perspective, I think. Perhaps the rock trolls have a better perspective." He paused a bit. "Did I know about the rock trolls? I think I didn't. That's weird. But not the weirdest thing I've seen, I hope one day to meet them, then. If only to say I've done it." He hummed a little bit at that. He liked experiences for the sake of them. Who needed reasons to see or do something new?

"You should definitely meet them, the rock trolls are fun, very nice, wise and they really like telling embarrassing stories about Kristoff," Olaf said, completely ignoring the look Kristoff gave him.

"Maybe they'll do the fixer upper thing with you and Elsa, it looked like a lot of fun," he said, not really aware that it had resulted in the trolls attempting to wed Kristoff and Anna last time or was he? It was hard to tell will Olaf sometimes.

Hans looked curious, and chuckled a little.

"Afraid I'm not a big fan of embarrassing stories from family." He admitted. "Too familiar with that bitter pill, myself. I'm not sure I know what you're talking about, but, it's probably for the best if we don't. I'm the Queen's fool, but I won't flatter myself to think we'll be spending much time together." He waved the thought aside, with a horse brush in-hand. Kristoff gave Olaf a curious look, wondering if Olaf was thinking the same thing he was about that. Olaf could be dim sometimes, but he -like Anna- had a habit of hitting upon the important things without knowing it.

For the first time in forever Olaf was uncharacteristically taciturn.

"Oh," he voiced in a slightly dispirited tone. He looked up at Kristoff a bit bemused.

Kristoff held the silence for a moment, a slow smirk showing up, identical to the one he wore when he wanted to tell Olaf all about how snow melts in the heat, but Anna stopped him.

"Flatter yourself, idiot." Kristoff shifted over to swat Hans playfully on the back of the head. Hans ducked, perhaps a little more than he needed to, receiving some small amount of the swat anyway.

"Excuse me?" He seemed uncertain whether he should be offended, or amused, but he looked a little more defensive either way.

"You think she visits just to make sure your wounds don't rot? That's what doctors are for. Anna may not like you, but Elsa does, at least as a friend. You might hate yourself, but you're the only one. And maybe Anna, but she'll forgive in time, if I know her at all. I won't tell you to get over it, but at least get the picture; you're staying in the castle, you're going to see the Queen plenty. Still, probably best you don't see my folks and her at the same time, they're likely to marry you both." Kristoff joked dryly.

Hans laughed, a somewhat nervous laugh. But he didn't know how to respond, so he focused on brushing Sitron, instead.

"Let's talk about something else." He was quick to press the conversation away. Even if it was awkward, he would sooner hold an awkward silence than think about what Anna thought of him, or acknowledge that the Queen might like him. Somehow, both were painful.

Maybe the awkwardness now was karma for what happened earlier at the tavern. Kristoff had brought a wide smile back to the young snowman's face.

"You sure are a strange fellow," Olaf commented. Countless people would love to be in Elsa's good graces (especially since she still wasn't the most open person), but Hans seemed to think it was a bad thing, maybe he thought he didn't deserve that kind of attention, Olaf didn't quite understand and thought the former Prince was being silly, the title of Fool suit him quite well. He wasn't going to press him any further he saw Hans didn't seem too happy about the topic and Olaf preferred smiles to scowls. Of course Olaf couldn't bear the silence for too long, so he tried breaking it. He was an expert on changing the subject and going on random tangents. He didn't wish for Hans to stay silent, it just didn't feel right to him.

"Hey, Sven," he began "What do you call a reindeer with no eyes?" Olaf paused for a moment and Sven grunted. "What? You really don't know? I was only asking you cause you're a reindeer and I have no eye deer." He resorted to telling jokes, it was second nature to him. He’d much rather hear laughter than nothing at all.

Hans laughed quite suddenly at that joke, and rested his free hand on his face while he recovered from that one.

"Oh! That was a genuinely good one! it has layers." He did so love wordplay and puns.

"Honestly, he has snow idea how to tell a good joke." Kristoff proposed. He liked Olaf's tactic. It worked a lot better.

"Snow thanks, Ice see what you're doing here." Hans retorted. They were probably going to be doing that a while.

And that they did. Once you start wordplay especially with people that are willing to continue it's a bit hard to stop. There were lots of snow and ice puns, of course, those were the easiest to make, as well as horse and reindeer ones, but the best kind of wordplay was undeniably the one that used their names.

"I gotta Hans it to you, Sitron is looking more Hansome now that you brushed him," Olaf declared with a giggle. --

The puns continued for a long while, certainly long enough for Hans to finish tending to his horse and spending time with it. When it was finally time to leave, he gave his horse a fond farewell with reassurances that he would be back. Kristoff escorted him back to his room, just feeling as if that was now his duty, since the Captain of the Guard was gone-- and also he was the most sober one there (both of mind and body).

By the time Elsa would have come to check on Hans, much later in the evening than she probably intended (because Girl Talk and catching up was simply too riveting), Hans had already decided to sleep, with an arm over his eyes and a leg hanging off the bed. Some people when they slept looked as if they had been laid to rest. Hans looked as if he had been thrown to rest, and he seemed perfectly comfortable with that fact. His hair was mussed and his collar rumpled, but only from the day's activity. And of course, he smelled a bit like rum and horse. It was sometimes easy to forget that he was an admiral. But not at that moment.

#Helsa #Iceburns #Hans x Elsa #Frozen #Fanfiction #Frozen Fanfiction #fanfic #Shattered Reflections

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holidaywishes · 5 years

Text

I Just Wanted You

Summary: You and Jamie used to be High School sweethearts before he got drafted. Now it’s nearly 10 years later when you finally see him again and you can’t believe you ever let him go

Warnings: none? more angst than I intended, a tiny little bit of fluff.

Author’s Note: I literally have no idea where this came from. I was going to write the next part in my Gally series or my Freddie series but then... Jamie Benn happened.

masterlist

The last time you saw Jamie, your heart broke. He had just been drafted to Dallas and asked you to go with him but you said no. The idea of giving up any possibility of your own future just to follow him around as he became something amazing seemed like a selfish request on his part. No matter how much you loved him. So you said no and he said you were over; and your heart broke into a million pieces. Naturally, when your best friend told you that she was getting married to a man who worked in Dallas, you knew the Bachelorette Party was going to be there.

“Think about it!” Claire exclaimed, “if we have it there, then we can literally just crash at Sam’s place -- which will soon be my place too. AND WE WON’T HAVE TO PAY FOR ANYTHING!”

“You wouldn’t have to pay for anything anyway...” you argued

“(Y/N),” she narrowed her eyes at you, “you’re not gonna see him. It’s not like we’re going to the game. Just forget Jamie Benn exists for a bit so we can have some fun at my Bachelorette Party.” Claire had been there for you after your breakup with Jamie. For days, she cuddled next to you in matching Onesie’s watching Meg Ryan Rom Com movies from the 80s and eventually your life went back to normal, so you knew that she wasn’t going to let you get hurt. Not again.

“Fine,” you finally caved, “we’ll go to Dallas.” Claire jumped up and down with glee before running to grab her phone to send out a mass text.

“Pack your bags, ladies. This bitch is getting married and her maid of honour is putting on a kick ass Bachelorette Party in Dallas. Three days of alcohol and no rules before I give myself to the only man I’ve ever truly loved. Let’s give Dallas a party like they’ve never seen!” All you could do was giggle and roll your eyes when you read the text as you sat across from your best friend. It was going to be three days of alcohol for sure but there would most definitely be rules.

Especially with Claire’s group of Sorority Sisters she’d collected over the years.

The flight from Vancouver to Dallas was a rocky one so touching down felt like you’d all just escaped Death. One of Claire’s friends grabbed a cab as soon as the group got out of the airport and everyone piled in to head to Sam’s place; turning to you for “the plan.”

“Hmm, okay. Here’s what I’ve got going in my brain...” you started, “drop our stuff at Sam’s, go have a bite to eat -- steak, chili, pizza, whatever, -- come back, get dressed and head out. But understand me ladies, there are rules. There will be one stop at one strip club. No more and we will not be ordering a stripper to the house so count your losses if you don’t get the kind of show you want at the club. No drugs and no drinks from strangers. You meet a guy at the club and you want to go off with him? That’s up to you but make sure your phone battery is full so that if you run into trouble one of us can get you help. Do I make myself clear?”

“Sir, yes, sir!” the girls chanted mockingly and you laughed

“Alright then..” When it was finally time for the night to begin, the apartment was filled with loud, giddy screams and you weren’t sure what you signed up for; forcing you to take a few too many shots of Tequila before even ordering an Über.

“Car is here girls, let’s do this” you yelled to the group of girls, frantically checking their makeup in the hall mirror, earning a mocking eye roll from you.

“WAIT WAIT!” Claire shouted, “we need a selfie first!” The group huddled around Claire and took a few photos -- funny faces, sexy poses, a kiss on the brides cheek and one normal one that Claire chose as her favourite to post.

@clairebear tagged you in a photo: “My girls and I are ready to show Dallas the true meaning of Party. #werecominforya #hideyoboys #hideyohusbands #Dallas2019 #ifyouresingleletsmingle #ClairesBacheloretteParty2019″

@(Y/I/H): Counting down until this lady can no longer post hashtags about different cities hiding their men from her. #Clairesgettingmarried #ClairesBacheloretteParty2019.

It wasn’t long before you’d hit up almost every bar in Downtown Dallas and you could see some of the girls were in desperate need of water so you collected each of them and starting walking down Main Street to find some kind of fast food place to eat when you heard one of the girls scream from the back of the group.

“What’s wrong!?” you and Claire said at once.

“Holy fuck! Claire, check your Insta...” Claire hopped on her phone, navigating to the app and immediately looked at you when she saw the comment. You knew it had to be from him, it was the only reason she’d look at you like that.

“Jamie motherfucking Benn commenting on your post. On a picture of us! Say something back!!!” You and Claire were still deadlocked trying to decide what to do

“Let’s just step in here and grab some food. We’ll... figure out a reply later” you answered and the girls looked at you dumbfounded. While they ordered, you grabbed a booth and opened your phone to look at the picture, scanning through the comments to find Jamie’s

@jamiebenn14: you think you can party harder than Dallas? I doubt it but I’m willing to make a bet with you.

You stared at his comment for too long before you finally noticed that you had a message and your thumb hovered over the little paper plane in the corner of your screen; trying to garner the courage to open it.

@jamiebenn14 would like to send you a message: long time, no see. You look good.

That fucker. After ten years, he thinks he can just slide into your DM’s and all will be forgotten. Telling you you look good as if you’d be that gullible, that starstruck, that desperate to cave into him like you always did. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what happened.

@(Y/I/H): What’s the bet Benn?

It was all you could muster. You had heard he was in a relationship and the last thing you needed was to have some chick you’d never met before show up and punch you in the face. You were trying your best not to do anything that might come across as flirtatious or presumptuous but he was your ex...

@jamiebenn14: Meet me and Ty at the Nines. We’ll show you that Dallas is a better place to party than Kelowna.

@(Y/I/H): I don’t think so. That wasn’t really the point -- we weren’t implying that Kelowna is a better place to party but that we’re better at partying than anyone in Dallas...

@jamiebenn14: I don’t think so. You haven’t met these people. You’re out of your league

@(Y/I/H): I guess I’ve always been out of my league...

The conversation more or less ended there and you had to pull Claire aside to tell her what was going on, what he was saying, when Shandra overheard and took over the situation.

“Hell yeah we’ll go to the Nines to meet Jamie Benn and Tyler Seguin!”

“Shandra shut up!” Claire yelled and you held your face in embarrassment

“What?! How the hell do you even know them?”

“We went to High School with Jamie, we’ve never met Tyler before --”

“And we’re not going to...” you chimed in before Shandra could add in any quips to Claire’s statement.

“Fine whatever.” You knew that Shandra was going over to the rest of the group and telling them everything, forcing you and Claire to take a deep breath before heading back to the table.

“Listen to me,” Claire said quickly before the two of you walked back to the table, “you can call it a night. The girls are going to be really aggressive about this and I’m too drunk to say ‘no’ to them right now. So you can call it a night and we’ll pick it up tomorrow. That way you don’t have to see Jamie. And if you block him you won’t have to hear from him...”

“I’m not bailing on your Bachelorette Party Claire,” you replied, “I’ll survive. I’ll be fine. I’m sure he only looks good on T.V....”

You were obviously wrong. The second your eyes locked on him at the club, you could feel yourself drooling. He had most definitely gotten better with age and you were the girl who let him go. What an idiot you were.

“(Y/N), Claire, there you are!” Jamie greeted, pulling Tyler and who you assumed was his girlfriend over, “I was starting to think you weren’t going to take me up on the bet.” You smiled awkwardly but still couldn’t find the words. Why was this so god damn hard?

“Nice to meet you,” Claire stuck her hand out to Tyler, “I’m Claire.”

“Tyler and this is Kate” he replied and she gave a small, unenthusiastic wave

“This is (Y/N)” you were suddenly snapped away from Jamie to greet his teammate.

“Hi, nice to meet you..”

“So, you’re the One That Got Away huh?” Tyler said and Jamie gave him a quick nudge, making you huff slightly. You weren’t The One That Got Away, not really, more like the One Who Had Too Much Pride. Your mind was racing. Part of you wanted to stay and get to know Jamie again, another part of you knew it was wrong and that it would end in flames but an even bigger part of you was pissed that he wasn’t describing the situation properly.

“I’m sorry.. I ca- I have to go..” you stumbled over your words, “I’ll see you at the house Claire. Stay safe please...”

“Wait (Y/N)” you heard Jamie call after you but you just continued running out of the crowded room. When you finally got out, you noticed that your phone had died and you had to settle for hailing a cab.

“You’ll never catch a cab” his voice boomed from behind you, sending shivers down your spine

“You don’t know that”

“It’s late. I’ve lived here long enough to know when they stop accepting fares.” You looked back at him quickly, and quite pathetically, before getting angry and defensive

“Fine, I’ll walk then.”

“You don’t know where you’re going!”

“I’ll manage”

“You’ll end up in a ditch”

“Don’t think so”

“(Y/N) stop, let me call you an Über or drive you home or something, please..” You stopped walking, your back toward him, and contemplated your options

“Fine. Order me an Über but then go back inside. I don’t wanna talk to you...” He entered in the address you gave him and tried to get you to talk to him but you refused

“I don’t get it. What did I do? I barely said anything in there. I couldn’t have offended you that quickly?”

“Just stop Jamie. Stop talking. It’s not about what happened in there, that doesn’t matter. It’s about what you’re telling people happened back then...”

“What does that mean?”

“The One That Got Away?”

“Yeah..?”

“Jamie.. you broke up with me because I wouldn’t move here with you”

“That’s not exactly what happened”

“No, you’re right. You asked me to skip my graduation, leave my family and my friends to move to a new city with no job prospects or qualifications to be with you. Because your life was more important than mine”

“I never said my life was more important. I thought you would want to experience this life with me... And I didn’t think we’d survive long distance”

“You never even tried to give it a chance...”

“I.. I ju--”

“Exactly. Look I’m sorry. I’m sorry I came out tonight. I’m sorry I responded to your DM. I’m sorry for everything but you can go back inside. I’ll be fine. Thanks...”

“Why couldn’t you have at least stayed in touch with me?”

“Excuse me?”

“After we broke up? We were friends first before anything and that just went out the window..”

“You broke my fucking heart!! The last thing I wanted was to keep you in my life without actually having you in my life”

“Like my heart didn’t break?”

“You don’t get to play the victim here, Benn, you ended it. I didn’t. I wanted it to work. I would’ve done FaceTime or Skype or emails or texts or anything but you ended it so that was that. You can’t say that your heart broke because you didn’t even fucking try!”

“(Y/N)”

“And you moved on rather quickly anyway so...”

“Not really..”

“This was a mistake... Have a nice life Jamie. I’ll see you never.” You turned your back to him and waited to hear his footsteps head back inside but they neither dissipated or got closer to you. He never moved.

“I loved you. Ending it-- us was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Being cold about it seemed like the easiest way to handle it but, ask Jordie, I cried after you told me you wouldn’t stay with me. That you didn’t want to be with me...” You turned around to see a small crowd forming but all you could focus on was Jamie’s sad expression

“You didn’t give me an option Jamie. I was starting my own life and you were too and I couldn’t take that away from you. I didn’t think you’d take it away from me either but there you were, telling me to drop everything for you. And I would’ve, because I loved you so much, but I didn’t want to resent you”

“You would’ve resented me?”

“Maybe... I don’t know. All I know is that it really sucked and it really hurt me that that’s how we were ending.” His gaze dropped to the street and you watched as the headlights from your Über shone across the building, showcasing a small tear on Jamie’s cheek when he looked up at you again

“I’m sorry...” it suddenly hit you that he said you didn’t want to be with him and your mind raced to find something to say as he started walking away

“I just wanted you” he stopped dead in his tracks as your words reached him, turning around when the silence was too much to handle, “I would’ve done anything for you, for us, because I just wanted you Jamie. Which is why it hurt so much when we couldn’t find a way to make it work.” He just kind of stared at you and you couldn’t tell if he was waiting for you to continue or if he was trying to come up with something to say himself. You had laid it all out for him again and you couldn’t wait anymore so, you turned to the car waiting for you; opening the door with that same broken heart you had nearly 10 years ago. You heard a quick shuffle of feet and suddenly Jamie’s hand was on your waist and you turned around to meet his stare; he didn’t say anything, only leaned in slowly to capture your lips in a kiss that felt like it had been built up in his system for ages, only stopping when the driver honked his horn.

“I don’t have time for this. Either get in or shut the door!” With a bright smile, Jamie pulled you away from the car and brought you in for another kiss as he slammed the car door.

#Jamie Benn #Jamie Benn imagine #NHL imagine #masterlist

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 6 years

Text

Merry Christmas Truce!

Merry (late) Christmas @gggoingghost! I’m so sorry this took so long, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! For those wondering, the request was:

Gggoingghost asked for “Danny with angry eyes, Danny not being able to control his powers, or Danny and Dash post phantom planet messing with each other”

Being myself, I of course had to make a drabble that included pieces of all three. It’s post Phantom Planet and not as long as I wanted, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! Merry Christmas!

☪ I have a tip jar! ☪

An enraged shriek echoed throughout the halls of Casper High and had most of the students ducking to cover their heads or hide in open doorways. Danny Fenton only watched with pride and amusement as the source of the shriek, Dash Baxter, looked at him with blue hair, skin, and clothes. “Fenton!”

The jock took a single step forward before the warning bell rang and everyone scurried to class once realizing they weren’t about to be attacked by any ghosts. Danny quickly fell in line with the other students and snickered when he heard another enraged yell that secretly covered up what Danny knew was Dash being impressed. This prank had been his best yet, after all.

“Mr. Fenton. Do I have to worry about any ghost attacks interrupting my class today?” Startling at the question, Danny looked to where Lancer was staring at him as if he already knew what Danny had done, which, yeah, that was always creepy.

“No, sir, just a bit of a mishap with Dash’s locker, it looks like.” Danny gave the best ‘I’m a hero and you can trust me!’ smile he could, not surprised when Lancer didn’t even so much as blink. While everyone knew who Danny was, now, Lancer seemed to have known even before then.

“And what sort of mishap did he have, Mr. Fenton?” Lancer was a terrifying human being, Danny decided, and he would not be answering that question.

The late bell cut him off before he could even try, thank God, and Danny instead watched as Dash slid into class with a half second to spare, panting for breath and covered in blue paint. Lancer looked at the paint and then looked to Danny with narrowed eyes.

“If it helps the paint is non-toxic,” Danny put in cheerfully, noticing Dash’s relieved look. He had probably swallowed some, then, but that was why Danny made sure to get the type of paint that dumb children could and would eat!

“Mr. Fenton. You know it’s against school rules for tomfoolery like this. Don’t think you’ll be excused just because of your… town volunteering.” That was a great way of saying Danny chased off rowdy ghosts for a half-living.

“Of course, sir.” Danny took a step back to stand next to Dash before setting his hand on Dash’s shoulder and focusing for a moment on his intangibility. There was a half second where he felt panic at seeing everyone looking at him using his ghost powers, but then he quickly pressed it down when he reminded himself that it was okay, now. “I don’t see any paint on Dash, though.”

The paint slid off and landed in a puddle on the floor, Danny beaming while Dash rolled his eyes with a grumble and walked to his seat. Lancer looked to the puddle before looking back to Danny. Giving it a second of thought, Danny hesitantly tried to phase the part of the floor the paint was on by using his foot and gave an even wider grin when it worked.

“Go take a seat, Mr. Fenton,” Lancer finally sighed with a tone that carried nothing except exhaustion. Danny couldn’t blame him, really. Lancer probably hadn’t expected to one day teach a half-ghost studen

“I take it you and Dash are still on your prank war, then?” Sam asked, half-yawning and trying to look bored as Danny fell into his seat. “His last prank was funny, and you know it.”

“It called for revenge,” Danny said as seriously as he could manage before he gave a snort of laughter. “Besides, you know this is the only way to deal with his weird guilt-tripped hero worship thing that he has going on.”

“I don’t know, man. That week he followed you around like a puppy or something was pretty cool.” Tucker tossed something at Danny that he caught with only a small fumble. “Stop taking your phone into ghost fights.”

“Aw, but Tuck, how else would you experiment with my phone if I didn’t need you to fix it?” Turning the phone on, Danny raised an eyebrow when it actually turned on. “You didn’t forget the power button this time, at least.”

“Hey, genius is all about trial and error!” Tucker looked to Danny with inventor’s pride that quickly vanished after three and a half seconds. “And not staying up until six in the morning. Can we get back to your weird kink thing with Dash?”

“Oh, yes, let’s talk about your weird kink thing with Dash,” Sam chirped more loudly than was needed, Danny knowing with everything in him that this was revenge for something he had done. It was probably because he had pointed out to Sam that her roots were starting to show. “Seriously, though, you two are just pulling on each other’s pigtails, now.”

“Should we talk about your weird kink thing with Paulina, then?” Danny raised his eyebrows, laughing when Sam stuck her tongue out at him with a silly grin. “Seriously, it’s been good. I can get out some aggression issues harmlessly, and he can still mess with me without feeling guilty about the whole bullying thing.”

“It helps that you can get away with using your ghost powers too, I bet, Mr. World Savior.” Wrinkling his nose at the title, Danny looked to Sam and frowned. “Hey, I didn’t come up with that one.”

“You know, I never thought I’d be upset over the fact I saved the world, but that title is really making me rethink things.” Grinning as both of his friends hid stifled laughter, Danny looked back to the front of the room where Lancer wasn’t even trying to corral the class. With summer coming up, Danny couldn’t blame him.

Things had gone back to normal after the mess with that stupid meteorite and Vlad’s stupid plan to get rid of it and Danny’s stupid plan to get rid of his powers- Well, no. Things hadn’t gone back to normal, but they were okay.

Vlad had come back to Earth and had agreed to seal away his powers as he got mental health, the ghosts were starting to cut back on how many times they almost accidentally killed humans, and the town of Amity Park was continuing on as always. The biggest difference for Danny, though, was the fact that everyone in the world now knew who he was.

He remembered Freakshow’s mess and the last time he had been found out, but he supposed saving the world kept the Guys-in-White off his back, at least. His parents had accepted him just like last time, too, and everyone he knew had stood by his side. There was a bit of hero worship he had to deal with as Fenton, now, but nothing bad had happened. The worst was when he and Dash had agreed to continue as normally as possible and Dash then proceeded to shove him into a locker.

Danny, with far too much glee, maybe, had immediately phased back out with a shit-eating grin that had started their current war. It was almost as fun as when he had to deal with the Box Ghost. The biggest difference in this new life, though, was when a wisp of cold air shuddered its way out of him and a few classmates looked back to him with wide-eyed looks.

Raising his hand, Danny waited until Lancer looked over at him before he gave an apologetic smile and pointed at the door. Lancer didn’t even pause in whatever latest pop quiz announcement he was giving as he waved Danny off.

“Good luck,” Sam grinned, propping her cheek up on her fist with a grin as she swung her feet out sideways in her chair to try and trip Danny up. “Feel good?”

“At least I don’t have to worry about attendance anymore,” Danny laughed, bumping fists with Tucker before jumping over Sam’s legs with a laugh and scrambling towards the door. No one yelled at him to stop and blessedly, besides another good look or two, no one cheered or made it into some spectacle.

That panic still gripped him with the cold sensation that took over his body along with the familiar rings of light, but it was easy to push it down as he launched himself into the air and phased straight through to the roof.

There was always that moment where his heart stopped, and he felt nothing except fear when someone looked at him expectedly during a ghost attack, but he knew he’d get over it in time. It was nothing big, after all, no matter what Jazz pestered him about.

“Afternoon there, ghost boy!” At the southern drawl, Danny groaned and looked to where Walker stood with two dozen of his guards. Of all the ghosts to fight, it had to be Walker.

“Hey, Warden Norton, I kind of have school going on, you know! It’s against the rules to skip class and all that!” While most of the ghosts dropped by to ‘spar’ or even ask for advice, there were still ghosts like Walker who were out to take him down for whatever stupid reason they had.

“Speaking of rules, ghost boy, I heard you’ve been breaking some, lately. Weren’t you always keen on hiding that secret of yours?” The slow drawl made Danny’s skin crawl and the truth made it even worse because Walker… was right.

Danny had kept Phantom quiet for a reason, and the biggest was that now if he messed up as Phantom, then the whole town would look to Fenton for an explanation. He was really starting to understand why superheroes had secret identities once he lost his. It wasn’t that he felt guilty or that he didn’t want to help his town, but if something went wrong, then he’d never be able to escape it, although like hell he was going to let Walker know that.

“Come on, Walker, where’s the fun in keeping a secret!” Letting himself float off the roof, Danny grinned as he let energy flow into his hands, palms lighting up with that distinctive glow. There were some days he hated what had happened, but he could never regret it, not after he had lost his powers once. “Well? Are you coming up here or am I coming down there?”

The whole town seemed to hold its breath and Danny watched as Walker’s expression wavered for only a moment. A moment was all he needed. It was nice to know that the other ghosts knew just how strong he had gotten, too.

“Looks like I’m coming down, then.” Right. Deep breath in, hold, and imagine himself moving from one place to another in an instant. A disorientating second of an airless vacuum of nothing and Danny saw white in front of him before he fired a large shot with every scrap of gathered power in his palms.

Walker went skidding back with a grunt and his guards all took startled steps back that caused Danny’s grin to get even wider. There were some days he really, really liked ghost fights.

“Like the new power, Walker?” He had always tried to copy Vlad’s teleportation trick, and he had finally, finally gotten somewhere with it.

“You’re just rarin’ for a fight, aren’t you, ghost boy?” Walker already sounded out of breath and Danny grinned as he stood back up. “Well? Come on, then.”

Ever since his temporary truce with the ghosts he hadn’t really found a need to fight any of them, yet, which he had been thankful for. He had forgotten, though, just how fun it was to use all of his powers.

The cold of his ice powers were now more of a comfort than anything, and it was so easy to freeze all of Walker’s guards and suck them into the thermos one-by-one as he dodged their ‘attacks.’ It was so easy. He could still remember when he hadn’t even been able to defeat Lunch Lady, but it was so easy now.

At least, it was until he got distracted and didn’t notice Walker’s stupid new technology that had him crashing to the ground because fuck that hurt. He didn’t know where that gun had come from, but the red streaks that were still making his body shake didn’t really reassure him.

“You think a pair of red eyes is enough to scare me off, boy?” Walker knew how to use a gun, that was easy to tell just by his stance, and- Wait, hang on. Red eyes?

Glancing to where some of his ice was cracked apart on the ground, Danny blinked at seeing his eyes were indeed flashing between red and green. He knew his eyes could sometimes get red if he was really angry, but he wasn’t angry with Walker, just annoyed. What-

Another blast from that stupid fucking gun had Danny biting off a scream as he pushed himself back into the air and dodged the next blast. “Didn’t know you had to rely on weapons so much, Walker!”

“Why bother wasting my energy on you, boy?” Walker smirked, and Danny had a half second to wonder what was about to happen before Bullet was behind him and slamming his stupid weapon into his back. Another shot was fired, and Danny knew a second before it hit that this shot hadn’t been aimed at him.

The Fenton Thermos he had now that had lasted for the longest time yet, but one shot from that gun and it cracked apart before shattering into pieces, metal shards hitting the ground as the ghosts that Danny had managed to capture went shooting out back to their places behind Walker, the ghost meeting Danny’s eyes and smirking.

“Alright, then.” Now he was angry.

Pushing himself away from Bullet, Danny dragged up his ice powers and started freezing as many guards as he could, this time encasing more than just their feet.

“Gettin’ angry now, ghost boy? That’s what those red eyes of yours mean, don’t they?” Just ignore him. Danny wasn’t going to resort to his fourteen-year-old self and start attacking anytime someone yelled at him. He was sixteen and had been at this for two years, now. “How long you think you can put off that future of yours?”

This time, the icy feeling that stole Danny’s breath away and stopped his heart wasn’t his own. Shock, pure and overpowering, filled him as he looked over to Walker. The man had never looked more smug.

“What was the name of that their future of yours, Phantom? Dan, wasn’t it?” Something heavy crashed into Danny’s back and sent him crashing down towards the pavement in front of Walker, Danny fighting back a scream as he heard some cracks from his back. “Eyes open, kid, I’m not done with you, yet.”

“You’re going to wish you were,” Danny grunted out, pushing himself up, energy sparking into his hands as he looked up to Walker. “Who told you that.” It wasn’t much of a question. He knew exactly who could find out about Dan and who would spread it as far and wide as possible.

“What can I say, it looks like we have the same therapist.” Fucking Spectra. “She had quite the story to tell about you, ghost boy. Handy that power of hers, isn’t it? Seeing one’s greatest fears. I bet she had a field day with you when it came to being afraid of yourself.”

“That’s none of your business, Walker.” Dan. It always came back to Dan. Of course that man was on Danny’s mind when he ran into Spectra a couple weeks ago. How could it not be? The world knew who he was and the world was always watching. If Danny were to slip up now, then there would be no redemption. There would be no chance of going back.

Danny had asked. He had flown to Clockwork the day after he had come out to the world and he had asked if something went wrong if he could turn back time. There were limits even to time control, it seemed. Clockwork couldn’t change an event that had been seen by the entire world. Not even the reality gauntlet would have been able to do that. There were limits to it all and Danny had long since passed those.

If something went wrong, then there would be no going back. If he became Dan the way things were now… they would never be the same. Things would never be the same.

“How’s it feel, boy, to know the entire world has its eyes on you? Makes it awfully easy to slip up, doesn’t it?”

For a second - a single second - Danny saw the green energy in his hands flicker into a dark red. It was enough for him to lose his focus on the power and for Walker’s guards to fire at him.

By the time he managed to get a shield around him, he felt like Dash and the entire football team had just found out Danny had ruined their lives and took it out on him. Walker hadn’t been a real threat in a while, but damn if Danny wasn’t remembering just how dangerous he could be.

“Is that all you got, boy!” The taunting roar seemed to echo through the air, and Danny slowly grinned. If Walker wanted to scream, then Danny could scream right back.

“I’m only just starting.” Sucking in as deep a breath as he could, Danny dropped his shield the exact same time he began to scream, or, really, wail. His ghost powers made it so his hearing automatically disappeared when he used this power, and he couldn’t even begin to try and keep his eyes open, but he knew it was working just by the sheer power he felt built up around him.

By the time he managed to close his mouth he was panting, but he still felt like he could keep the fight going if he had to. He really was getting better with… Ah.

“You know, typically when I give the cold shoulder, I don’t do it this way.” A weak joke even for him, but Danny was distracted by the fact that almost an entire city block seemed to look like winter had struck early.

All the buildings were covered in ice and snow, and the road appeared to be cracked or even broken in some places. The city was probably going to yell at him for damages again or something, but, well, at least Walker wasn’t a problem, anymore? He was also nowhere in sight.

“Right. Well!” Danny nervously looked around, floating back into the air. He should probably get home and get a new thermos, first. Before he could even think about that, though, it suddenly felt like all the air had been stolen from his lungs and the entire world was plunged into darkness.

Before he could even panic properly, Danny gasped for breath as he saw he was… in his bedroom. He teleported? No. He hadn’t even tried. Did someone else teleport him? That could be bad. He needed to get back to Sam and Tucker and-

Darkness surrounded him, and he couldn’t breathe, and it was the exact same second of nothing, and then Danny was yelping as he was falling out of the air and landing on top of a large wooden desk and grunting as his head was the one part of him that didn’t hit the wood. He couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not, yet, and, oh. It was Lancer’s desk.

Blinking back as the entire classroom stared at him, Danny cleared his throat before giving what might have been an upside down and possibly concussed wave. “Hi, guys. How’s the pop quiz so far?”

Right. He might have a problem.

#danny phantom #post phantom planet #christmas truce 2018 #gggoinghost #everafterprompts

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latenightdrabble-blog · 6 years

Text

Surf and Sand

a/n: Kang Seulgi is a queen and here is just something I’ve been wanting to write for a while. It’s a bit indulgent, so bear with me.

Also shout-out to @gummydoesstuff for this marvelous mood board, it’s simply stunning ! <3

We could never stay apart, for even the tide returns the shore, washing it anew and leaving behind presents of shells and animals - a declaration of love for the unchanging sand. We build castles in the air, but at the end of the day, you are the home I return to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone told you three years ago that you were going to date Kang Seulgi, you would've laughed in their face.

She was your good friend, although you wanted it to be something more, you knew, she was way out of your league. The day she secretly revealed that she was going to join SM Entertainment as a trainee, your heart sank. You were headed to college soon, and you hoped that she would be at least one friend you would take into the new phase of your life.

On the last day of high school, the two of your parted ways, fulling knowing that sustaining the friendship would be hard to do, between you moving to another city to study, and her busy training schedule.

Seulgi, however, didn't let you feel like much had changed. Every time something exciting happened to her, she would call you and in a rush of words, describe in great detail the events that had occurred. She met the idols she looked up to and respected, and shared her daily struggles. You admired her strength to endure it all, and in a way, she was a sort of inspiration for you to deal with your own difficulties of being away from your family and dealing with tests and assignments.

Irene, Wendy, Joy and Yeri soon became close to you as well, and would send you snaps of Seulgi being a cute dork. It made you miss her terribly, but you were grateful that she had such great friends to support her on her journey.

Post debut, and during comebacks, the calls and snaps would cease, as she was thrown into busy schedules. You watched her group rise the ranks with pride, although it hurt to be away from her.

To put it simply - you were confused about your feelings.

Is this what a friendship is like?

Or were you too scared to admit to yourself that you did indeed love Kang Seulgi and you didn't know what to do with the feelings?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In your third year of college, you got a chance to intern at a company in Seoul over the holidays.

You were over the moon in excitement! It was a chance to be reunited with Seulgi after three long years, and to finally meet her friends in person.

A part of you was reluctant, hesitant even. Would your feelings be revealed? Would you tell her the truth you've now come to accept? Or would you continue to watch her grow and go on without you?

There were a lot of things that you worried about - what if she didn't like you the same way? What would her company do if they found out? What were the rules on dating idols? How would the two of you work around your schedules? To top it all, you were still unsure about what you were going to do after college study further or work?

Your head began to ache with all the questions. You unlocked your phone to see a snap from Seulgi, of her holding a bear toy you had gifted her on her 18th birthday. The caption read - "I can't wait for you to come here!" Your smile grew so wide when you realised that she kept the stuffed bear even after all this time.

It was time you told her the truth. As her best friend, you owed her that much.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you arrived in Seoul, you obviously didn't expect Seulgi to be there to pick you up. Thats not what idols do, you had to remind yourself.

You checked your phone two missed calls - one from Seulgi and one from your parents.

A text notification revealed one from Seulgi - "Hey! I'm really sorry about not meeting you at the airport, something urgent came up. We might have our comeback sooner than expected so I won't be free the whole day today :( I promise I'll make it up to you when we meet. Take care <3"

Well you couldn't blame her for the decisions her company took. You quickly found your parents in the crowd and all other thoughts vanished as your were squished into a group hug.

Your mother took it upon herself to cook your favourite dishes as she thought you were underweight. It was quite the contrary, but you weren't going to say no to home food, after being away for so long.

Your dad on the other hand decided to be a total dad and slyly asked you if after all this time, you found someone you liked. You choked on the hot soup you were having, and it took a whole five minutes to say "Well there is someone..."

"I knew it!" shouted your father, as her turned his head in glee, wiggling his eyebrows at your mother.

"Honey, let her finish her sentence, then we'll settle the bet." you mother said.

"You guys bet on me? What the hell?" you asked, your voice coated with pretend anger.

"Yeah, you were away from us for three whole years, we assumed you'd finally get some one. So who is this lucky person?" you mother replied.

"Uh, its nobody. I just like someone and I don't know if they like me back." you said, your eyes trained on your bowl.

"Well then baby girl I think its time you told them and found out?" you father gently said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That evening, right around dinner time, your doorbell rang. Your family was puzzled as you weren't expecting any guests.

when you opened the door, Seulgi pulled you into her arms, while screaming "SURPRISE!" in your ear.

The sudden ambush surprised you and the two of you toppled over to the floor, along with the bags Seulgi was carrying. Your parents came out to inspect the noise only to see a giggling mess of two girls surrounded by bags.

"What's all this? How come you're here I thought you might have practice until late night? Are you hungry?" you asked, as you voiced your thoughts as they occurred.

Seulgi helped you to your feet before collecting the stuff that had fallen. "I can't believe you're here after all this time! I left practice early because I didn't want to let your first day back here go without meeting you!"

"What's all this?" you asked curiously.

"Great things come to those who wait." She said cheekily. "I'm super hungry, have you had dinner yet?"

"We were just about to, c'mon." you said, leading her to the dinning room.

The four of you sat down to eat and Seulgi and you chatted your heads off. She kept complimenting the food, and you realised that home cooked food must be pretty rare for her too.

After eating to your hearts content, you went to your room to finally uncover the mystery of the bags.

"Okay, here we go." she said, handing you one bag after another. You found books, chocolate, jewelry and even a Red Velvet light stick.

"Seul, whats all this for?"

"These are just things I've been wanting to give you for a while now. Whenever I saw something you might like, I picked up and kept it with me to give it to you when we meet. I hope you like them?” she asked, her voice soft.

“Of course I do, they’re all such thoughtful gifts, Seul, thank you so much.” you said as you pulled her in for a hug. Your eyes welled with tears, and you sniffled into her shoulder.

“Hey cry baby! I just wanted to get these for you okay now just use them nicely.” She said, wiping your tears.

“I didn’t get you anything great, except this book I read. It’s really nice. I also made you a playlist for the holidays, and uhhh.....” you trailed off.

“Hmm?”

“Yeah that’s... that’s all. Here.” you said, your heart thumping in your chest as you handed her a book and a CD. You couldn’t bring yourself to give her the last gift yet.

“Thank you much! I was actually looking for a good book and I seriously missed your playlists. You mind reader. Never fails to surprise me.”

She giggled and put the CD into the player and pulled you to dance with her. You spent the rest of the evening talking, singing, dancing and eating the chocolates she brought.

Closer to 12 am, however, you had to say your goodbyes. You were lucky that her manager had let her out so long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You spent the rest of your time buried in your internship and your weekends with Seulgi. It was never a one on one though, the other girls from Red Velvet joined in, or some of your friends from high school. You went to their practices and performances on occasion. She was a force to reckon with when on stage and a total sweetheart off stage.

You thought that being with her and having to adjust your schedules might knock some sense into you, but that failed as well.

You just fell for her, harder.

How on earth could you contain your feelings any longer? You had do something about it before the holidays ended.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Seul, I really want to get away for this weekend. It’ll be my last one here and the weather is perfect, I want to go to the beach.” you said to her, on an evening shopping spree.

“The beach? That actually sounds like a good idea. Now that all the comeback promotions are over, I might get some free time. We could go on a little road trip!” she said.

The two of you planned out the logistics before heading home. You couldn’t wait for the weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride to the beach was fun, you sang on the top of your lungs and ate a lot of junk food. You missed how organic it was - a weird way to put it - but hanging out with Seulgi like this reminded you of the days you would sneak out to the lake near the end of town to watch the sunset after school.

Back then you were worried about your hopes and dreams and future, and she was worried about hers. Not once did you think that maybe your futures had a chance of reuniting.

You got her ice cream, played volleyball with a few other people and took lots of photos on the polaroid camera you got for her. The sky was clear and you could not have picked a better day. The two of you built sand castles, and watched the tide take it away in its clutches, leaving behind beautiful shells in exchange. A fair transaction, you thought.

Settling on a towel on the shore, Seulgi handed you your ukulele. It had been ages since you had played, but once you saw the excitement on her face, you knew you couldn’t say no.

So slowly and surely, you began signing the one song you still remembered the chords to - Don’t U Wait No More. You were feeling a bit bold, but when Seulgi joined in, you couldn’t help the thumping in your chest.

“Wow I didn’t think you would’ve known that song!” Seulgi said, once you finished.

“Well how could I call myself your best friend if I didn’t know all of your discography?” you replied.

Seulgi’s smile faltered a bit but she covered it up with a cute giggle.

Pulling you on your feet she called out, “Last one to the food shack is a loser!”, as she took off toward the other end of the beach.

The setting sun graced the horizon, as you chased behind her, struggling to keep up. “Seulgi, wait!! I can’t run that fast!”

“C’mon slow poke!”

She lessened her pace as she turned to face the sea. Her mouth was open in surprise and as you caught up, she pointed out, “Hey, isn’t that so beautiful?”

You couldn’t tear your eyes off her, however, and merely replied a simple, “Yeah”.

The only sounds that were heard were your panting and the ocean waves meeting the shore. You wanted to stay in this moment forever, knowing fully that this was your last chance to do something.

“Seul..” you said, quietly.

“Hmm?”

“Seul I wanted to tell you something.”

She turned to look at you, her face washed over with a sense of calm.

The sight made all the words that collected in your throat go back to the pit of your stomach, as you held your breath.

“Go on.” she said.

“I uh.. I don’t know how to say this but, I really I’ve just been wanting to tell you this and I don’t know how to..”

She closed the distance between the two of you and held your hand.

“It’s okay, you can tell me anything.”

“Kang Seulgi. I’ve known you for so long, and I don’t when it all started but I can’t keep it in anymore. You know that song by Day6 ? I Like You? This is exactly that.

I like you. More than I can say. I don’t know if you feel the same but I had to let you know.” you finished, your cheeks aflame like the setting sun.

You looked down at the sand, not daring to see her reaction.

She lifted your chin up gently with her fingers and looked at you with such emotion, before pulling you in for a kiss.

It was soft, like she was, and you tasted the vanilla of the ice cream she had earlier. You mind buzzed with a million thoughts and at the same time you couldn’t process any of it. You wanted to be in that moment.

Kang Seulgi was kissing you.

When she pulled away, she tucked a stray lock of hair behind your ear, before smiling fondly at you.

“Does that take away your worries? I can’t believe it took you so long to tell me. I was about to confess, myself, but I wanted to see just how far you would go with those bottled up emotions.” she teased.

You pulled into a hug as the two of you giggled. “Wait, you liked me too?” you asked.

“Right from the day you choked on your chocolate milk back in high school, and it came out through your nose.”

“Whaaat why- why would that make you like me?”

“You’re my best friend, you’re funny and cute and smart and you take care of me well, how could I not like you?”

You took a moment to process the information.

“Also, I’m pretty sure the girls were fed up about me pining after you, they came close to telling you so many times! Now they can finally shut up.” she said, as she interlinked your arms and led you toward the food stalls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“.... and then she handed me a book of poems she had written in our years away. It was almost like the sonnets from Shakespeare’s plays, if I must say.” Seulgi finished.

“Oh my god that is so cute unnie! You guys are adorable I’m just so glad we don’t have to deal with Seulgi’s whining anymore.” Yeri commented after you told her the events that had transpired on the beach.

“Oh no, if you think that was bad, wait till you have to deal with her for the next year.” Irene replied sharply.

It completely slipped your mind that you had the last year of college to finish, away form Seulgi.

“Well, we’ll find a way to work around it right honey?” Seulgi said, as she placed a soft kiss on your cheek.

Yeri stuck her tongue out and said, “Gross, guys! Ugh you’re right unnie we’re going to suffer!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You can find my masterlist here.

#Seulgi #kang seulgi #red velvet #seulgi fluff #friends to lovers #seulgi fan fiction #seulgi drabble #seulgi girlfriend #seulgi imagine #thank you for reading #sorry for the tooth rotting fluff #this one is for all the girls who call seulgi oppa xD #thank you gummydoesstuff

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bookish-but-corruptible · 6 years

Text

Look at what I found in my hard drive

(Remus/Severus, post Battle of Hogwarts)

Remus was sent to the Dae Llwellyn ward, it turned out, on accident.

Amid the stream of bodies being sent to St. Mungos after the battle at Hogwarts, they had seen yet another "werewolf" scrawled in his file and hastily redirected his unconscious body to the ward for serious bites.

By the time they had realized their error, they couldn't be arsed to care. He was a quiet, unobtrusive patient- more plainly, he didn't regain consciousness until his second week in the ward.

The Killing Curse, even one that a patient had not borne the full brunt of, was nothing to sneeze at.

When Remus did finally wake, alive and still mostly paralyzed, he wished he hadn't. In all his scenarios of the possible outcomes of this war, he had not imagined that Dora, young and quick to laugh, might die while he lived. He should have known better- hadn't it been him, sick, impoverished, mistrusted, who had lived while James and Lily Potter had died?

He realized, as he lay there day after day, fingers slowly beginning to twitch, to grasp spoons, that he hadn't had a contingency plan for living. The hospital bill alone would be more than he could pay off in a lifetime, and now that his face had been plastered across the Prophet the prospect of paid work was nearly impossible. He could attempt to make his way back to India if Umbridge's restrictions were repealed, but it seemed a bit cruel to Harry.

Nearly every day since he'd first been committed to the ward, Harry had come by to visit, at first simply to keep up a stream of words even though Remus could not speak. He told him about the demise of Voldemort, the rebuilding of the castle, and one day came in with a look of bewildered pride and announced Ginny had agreed to marry him.

Remus had managed a hoarse congratulations, even as he felt a stab of pain- he imagined he'd worn nearly the same expression when he had realized Dora loved him. The simultaneous sense of paternal pride was why he could not leave England- he was Harry's last link to his parents, and after so much loss he couldn't truly entertain the thought of buggering off as he had in 1981. He would stay. He would figure something out. He had plenty of time to worry himself sick in the meantime.

Naturally, it was Harry who told him of Snape's hand in the downfall of the Dark Lord, the vicious attack he'd endured and very nearly died from at the fangs of his serpent. Predictably, Severus had a contingency plan- after seeing so many who had betrayed the Dark Lord killed in this manner, he had found it prudent to carry a healthy dose of an antidote to the venom.

It was not until after the night of the full moon when he had been brought down to transform in the Ministry's cells and wheeled back to the ward afterwards that he first saw Severus.

Or, rather, heard him.

"You insufferable wretch," a deep voice croaked down the hall, "How dare you condescend to me, as if my mental faculties were not intact! That you are paid a full salary to force fingerpaints upon the crippled is galling. Yes, go! And in the future, find an occupation worth the air you breathe!"

Remus, muscles still shaking with the pain of the transformation and still feeling vaguely as if he might vomit, smiled.

Remus worked his painstaking way to having just enough control over his fingers to feed himself, urinate on his own (thank the gods), and finally to operate a charmed chair that would take him out of his room.

This afforded him only enough freedom to venture to the shared room where patients could socialize under the watchful eyes of medical professionals. In the afternoons, an aggressively compassionate witch named Hilda led them in small crafts. Several of the patients seemed to take comfort in her attentive interest as they struggled to make meaning of their suffering, and drew strength from her belief in their recovery.

Remus loathed her.

It wasn't entirely fair, he realized. It certainly wasn't something he was proud of. But on the fifth day that she coaxed him from his perch gazing out the charmed window currently opening to the depths of the ocean, he thought, call me honey again, and I will bite you.

Even Harry's visits had begun to exhaust him; he did not want to tell Harry that he was getting better, that yes, he would be out of here in no time, that he felt very grateful- he would nearly make a full recovery, after all. There were other words on the tip of his tongue that he could not possibly tell the boy- that sometimes, he thought he missed the war.

It was somewhere in the depths of this masturbatory angst, lingering in the doorway of his room, unsure if he might be more miserable staring at the bare walls of his room and navel gazing or socializing under the piercing stare of the crafts witch, that he heard the sharp clatter of a metal tray.

"Bancroft! Only Bancroft may make my potions, you imbecile! I will not accept this- oh, you're certain there are no poisons? Dimwit. Do you know how easily those tests are fooled? I betrayed the Dark Lord- has it not crossed your mind how many wish to see me suffer?"

A moment later, a young man emerged from the room, goblet in hand. "I wouldn't mind," he muttered to himself, then looked up to see Remus.

"Oh, hello Mr.Lupin," he smiled.

"Good afternoon, Bessel," Remus wheeled past him, silently thanking the mishap of paperwork that had brought him here- it was difficult to last on this ward with a phobia towards werewolves.

"You don't want to see ‘im," Bessel warned Remus, who had made his way to Severus' door.

"He's an old friend," Remus reassured him.

Bessel looked at him in disbelief.

"A coworker," Remus amended. "We went to school together."

"Your funeral, I s'pose," Bessel shook his head.

Severus' head was turned away from the door, and he ignored Remus as he wheeled slowly to his bedside.

"Is she sending in scouts now to coerce me into creating sculptures out of broomstick twigs?" Snape's baritone cut through his still torn throat like gravel.

"Hello, Severus," Remus greeted.

Snape whirled at this, and Remus controlled his reaction to the sight of him a moment too late. One eye was bloodshot all the way through, the other still swollen shut. In fact, entirely half of his face was grotesquely swollen; it was not difficult to imagine bones crunched beneath jaws and pieced together again.

"Lupin," Snape sneered, "I thought you were dead."

"Reports of my death were exaggerated, I'm afraid."

"I should have known," Snape pushed himself, shaking, onto his elbows. "Dark creatures are notoriously difficult to dispose of."

"Not up to your usual standard, Severus," Remus smiled. "And, as you yelled at Hilda the other day, your cognitive faculties are intact, so I shan't cut you any slack."

"That woman does not need nor deserve your pity."

"Perhaps not, " Remus allowed. "She is rather tenacious, isn't she?"

"She has the inexhaustible glee of the Demented given a victim to Kiss," Snape muttered.

"That's better," Remus wheeled himself to Severus' bedside.

"Leave, Lupin," Snape turned his head again, hiding his disfigured face. Remus could see that under the swathes of bandages, his chest and arms were a mass of swelling and purpling bruising.

"Do you know," Remus continued, "I think we may just be the last of our class? Certainly of the Gryffindors and Slytherins."

"You say that as if we have some shared history to fondly recollect, instead of the torment your dear friends inflicted upon me. We could, if you like, talk about that time you tried to rip me apart with your teeth, but I'm not sure you would remember that as well as I do."

Remus snorted. "As if you never gave back twice as good as you got."

"Well," Snape smiled fondly at that. "I do remember Potter and Black shouting their carnal love for one another at breakfast."

"That was inspired," Remus chuckled, remembering two boys standing atop the breakfast table, hooting audience gathered below. When Severus didn’t resort to retaliatory cruelty, he had a sarcastic streak that was nearly likeable. Unfortunately, it did not show itself often.

"We are not friends," Severus frowned at him.

"No," Remus agreed. "You are my captive audience. Hilda doesn't come for me when I'm speaking with someone else. And the other patients care that I lost my wife, my family, and all of my friends."

"I would rather be bitten again than listen to your sob story."

"Do you ever miss it?"

"The peace and quiet I enjoyed before you tried to foist your problems upon me?"

"The war," Remus said softly. "Having a sense of purpose to get you through. Feeling like you were needed."

Snape's single bloody eye widened. "You are insane, Lupin," he rasped. "Though perhaps that would make sense to a beast. Connected a bit too much with the inner animal, hmm?"

Remus watched him, silent.

Severus broke his gaze with a huff, and rolled away onto his side. “Leave. Spare me your nattering.”

"Get some rest, Severus," Remus replied, and wheeled himself back to his room.

Remus returned the next day with a chess set, which he unfolded onto a stainless steel medical tray.

"You only have to concentrate on where you'd like the pieces to move," Remus explained. "It's charmed."

"Explain to me why I would do that," Severus lifted a violently trembling hand to brush the hair from his eyes.

"Because you're bored," Remus shrugged. "You've got to be, sitting in here all day."

"Perhaps I enjoy the company of my own mind," Severus replied, "more than mentally unsound werewolves."

"Your stipulation was that I be silent," Remus gestured to the chessboard. "This doesn't require speech."

"Stipulation makes it sound as if I gave you terms under which you could visit me," Snape peered at the chessboard. "I'll take the black."

Severus seemed surprised when Remus held his own and nearly won. Remus thought he should be offended, but he found he didn't much have the energy to care.

"What will you do when you leave here?" Remus asked.

"I thought we had agreed not to speak," Snape frowned. The shattered chess pieces were realigning themselves, erstwhile arms scrabbling across the board to join their bodies.

"I thought you never actually gave me a stipulation."

"I will be free of both the Dark Lord and Albus Dumbledore. I will do what I wish."

"I don't know what I'll do either," Remus folded up the board, suddenly tired. "Thank you for the game, Severus."

Harry visited the next day, pacing the room the entire time with a barely contained nervous energy. Molly Weasley had decided that the wedding preparations should be underway, and Remus was adrift in a sea of talk about the appropriate flower to symbolize Harry's love for Ginny.

Remus tried to be the father Harry needed, but the more Harry paced, the more the room seemed strange and far away. Remus had a recollection of Dora admiring a sunflower in the field surrounding the Burrow, how appropriate that was, how open she was to life and to love, like Lily. Lilies, the flower of high summer, warm and vibrant.

"I'm sorry, Harry," Remus said softly, "I'm feeling very tired today."

"Harry and Ginny have scheduled a date for the wedding," Remus' white knight advanced.

"Pity. Ginerva was a passably clever student."

"They've invited you."

"Oh joy. Oh rapture unforeseen."

A black knight, after careful consideration, moved left.

"He asked me about flowers. I couldn't stop thinking about Lily."

At this, Severus stiffened.

"I wonder, sometimes, what advice she would give. She always knew what the right thing to do was. The right thing to say."

"She would tell you that your need to be liked is so pathological that you are recalling the memory of a woman some twenty years lost to ask how to best serve her son's needs. Your move, Lupin."

Remus moved his pawn forward, and Severus swiftly captured it.

"If you are not here for the game, I think you would be better served by the company of the other patients," Severus crossed his arms over his chest. Remus wondered when he might be able to leave his room unaided.

"You must check that tendency to shoot yourself in the foot."

"A muggle expression," Severus leaned forward to watch his queen take Remus' king.

"We were both raised half muggle," Remus leaned back.

"Yet another thing we can reminisce over," Snape's eyes narrowed. "Our incandescent childhoods."

"My childhood was fine," Remus became acutely aware of the fact the game had finished.

"Ah, yes,” Snape sneered. “I can picture it now. Gay romps through grassy fields, a healthy appetite for human flesh…”

Remus watched Snape quietly until the tirade petered out. "Same time tomorrow, then, Severus." Remus closed the board with a snap.

Snape did not contradict him.

"I thought we might try a rune riddle," Remus held the paper up. "Bit of a change of pace."

"Tired of being beaten?" Severus looked at the paper with interest.

"I beat you plenty," Remus passed the paper to Severus, who held it with a hand that only trembled slightly. "I beat you at least a third of the time."

"A quarter," Severus muttered. "This first rune is fire."

"Yes," Remus took the paper back, "the third line is the one I couldn't parse."

"Give me the quill," Severus demanded, and Remus handed it over without comment, watching him struggle to write with his non-dominant hand.

"Harry wants me to be part of the ceremony."

"Hmm," Severus squinted at the rune puzzle.

"I'm flattered," Remus sighed, "but when I'm around him, I feel like I'm trying to be the ghost of James."

Severus put the paper down. "Lupin," he rubbed his functional hand across his forehead, "you are miserable because you have spent your entire life attempting to anticipate and cater to the needs of others. You are not a house elf. You are a man."

"I don't think Hermione would appreciate that comparison."

"Granger is a-"

"Smart, compassionate young woman," Remus finished. "I can't just," he sighed. "Harry needs me. He deserves this. He's suffered enough."

"We've all suffered," Severus muttered. "Now be quiet and let me think."

"You didn't come yesterday," Severus said.

Remus blinked. "I- it was a full moon."

Severus' eyes closed briefly. "Of course."

Remus felt a grin break over his face. "You missed me."

Snape glared. "I don't have much choice for company."

“Oh, don’t martyr yourself,” Remus tossed the morning paper at him. “You’ve run off anyone who tried to show you kindness.”

Severus looked surprised, briefly, at his bluntness. "And yet you keep returning to be abused," he recovered quickly, pulling himself up to sit cross-legged. He hunched over the paper. "You've already done the interesting bit," Snape glared from beneath his lank hair.

"I missed you too."

“They’re releasing me tomorrow,” Remus said conversationally, stirring a godawful amount of sugar into Severus’ tea. The anti-wobble charm was not quite enough to counteract Severus’ tremor in any two-handed task, and they both pretended amnesia at the first episode of spilt tea and sugar all over the linens.

“I’m sure Hilda will find other victims,” Severus took the tea in his left hand. “Though none quite as compellingly pathetic as yourself, I’m sure.”

“You’ve only to ask, Severus,” Remus met his eyes. “I’ll come visit.”

“We’re not friends, Lupin,” Snape’s eyes narrowed. Both lids retracted smoothly now, the swelling faded to a sickly green and black mottle of bruises, two dark puncture marks beneath the right eye.

Remus watched him, quiet.

“What is it, wolf?” Severus sat up, infuriated at the judgement he felt in the silence. Lupin’s easy retreat gave him no satisfaction, his containment no victory. “Are you so desperate in your loneliness that you thought I might consort with you of my own free will?” He sneered. “Had you imagined I would drop by whatever den you’ve crawled into with tea and biscuits? Pathetic, crippled mongrel-“

Remus regarded him for a moment. The expression was brief, but Severus was a master of reading intention. This was not anger, or hurt. It was pity.

Remus stood with his tea, almost elegant despite the hospital robe and noticeable limp. He walked out, and without raising his wand the door swung and clicked shut behind him.

Sound cut out all at once, and Severus could hear only his own quick, enraged breaths, steadying over slow minutes.

#remus lupin/severus snape #rl/ss #remus lupin #severus snape #harry potter #fic #snupin

11 notes · View notes

andistillgetbutterflies · 4 years

Text

to grief:

I haven’t written here in a while and I think it’s because I’ve felt less sad about life in general. Yea, there are still days where I feel like I’ll never find happiness, but those days don’t out number the ones where I truly feel content. That is until this week.

I’ve loved watching glee since the beginning. The characters are the same age as me so as I went through high school, it felt like I really knew these characters and are going through it with them. At first, I really loved glee for the songs and the humour and even the teen drama that seemed so relatable yet far fetched to me. My high school had musical theatre, which I was very much involved in, and my friends and I weren’t bullied for it. In fact, we were praised. We were the cool kids and even got away with avoiding school work because the drama teacher loved us so much and would call our other teachers for us.

Just like the glee characters, there were a lot of “incest” hookups and drama caused by who was dating who and who liked who and who kissed who. But it was a nice way to bond with people who are seniors and get invited to cool parties.

During the time I watched glee, I realized more and more how much I enjoyed watching Santana’s character. She was witty, sarcastic, and had a no fucks given attitude that always kept her 100% real. I pride myself in trying to be as real as possible so she was definitely a character I drew towards. Throughout the years, even during the horrible season 5 and 6, I still kept up watching the show, mostly watching for Santana. I’d like to say she carried the show, but reality is I saw a lot of myself in her. The more I watched, the more I became interested in the actors. I’ve always wanted to be famous - I mean I did audition for Disney once. So I’ve found myself drawn to the actors, especially Naya Rivera who played Santana on the show. I’ve imagined ways I’d bump into the cast and how that’ll easily transition into a friendship. So I guess my imagination really brought us closer than we were.

During COVID-19 and quarantine, I decided to rewatch glee again. The convenience of Netflix and me being laid off gave me insomnia and glee was the perfect fix. I get to sing along and relive my high school years and remember why I loved this show so much. I once again started imagining what it would be like if I moved to LA and how I’d be able to befriend them, even after all these years. My obsession came back as if no years has passed between high school and now. So when the news of Naya Rivera’s passing broke, that hit me hard.

I’ve never understood why people mourned celebrities they’ve never met. I know people cried when Michael Jackson died or when Whitney Houston died. But I never understood it. How can you feel for someone so deeply if you’ve never met them and you don’t even know who they really are? I guess now I know how it feels.

During the days she went missing, I constantly refreshed every social media page I had and the other cast members to see if I would receive any updated news. I constantly had the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t shake it off no matter how hard I tried.

When the press conference finally announced they found a body in the lake and it was her, I lost sense of reality. It was like time stopped and I didn’t want to believe this was real. I constantly felt sad, and every time I refreshed my social media, someone was mourning her which made me more sad. I couldn’t control the tears that were falling down my face and I couldn't, still can’t, grasp exactly why it hit me so hard. She will always be a part of my growing up and I will forever thank her for the excitement she brought me through her character. But that’s not the only reason why I’m sad.

I’ve always been terrified of death. When I went to church as a kid, a youth pastor pulled each of us aside and explained the concept of heaven. I broke down crying and couldn’t understand what that meant and how that was guaranteed. “Will I see my mom and dad again?”, I asked. I couldn’t fathom that this life ends and that everything I know or have will disappear and I won’t even know or feel it. So to me, everything that means ANYTHING to me at all, I try not to think about it ending. Almost like everything related to me can escape death. So when I found out about Naya, my reaction was, what do you mean she’s gone? How can she be alive yesterday and gone today? I literally just saw her Instagram story and her tweeting. I didn’t, and still don’t, quite understand it.

As you can probably tell, I haven’t lost a lot of people in my life, or at least people I remember losing. The closest to my memory would be my aunt who was battling cancer, but I was very young and the only grief I remember having is seeing my mother in the back seat of the car bawling her eyes out after hearing a certain song on our way to go fishing. I’d never forget that look.

And as I continued my grief, silently of course, because my Asian parents would never understand, I thought I’d reach out to my best friend. He’s very special to me and someone that I really fell in love with. The last person I ever loved til this day. We always played phone tag and would check in on each other every now and then. We would always try to be happy for each other on whatever we’re up to and try to encourage each other to chase our dreams. We’re both Gemini’s so we’re ambitious like that. To my surprise, he responded “who is this”. This never happens, because he usually says its him and he knows my number since I haven’t changed it since 2012. That’s when I get a call from him.

I was hesitant to answer at first because I was nervous. I always got nervous around him, even after all these years. But when I picked up, a woman answered. To be honest, I thought it was his girlfriend and she didn't want me messaging him. He always had a lot of girlfriends, some were crazier than others so I wasn’t too surprised. But, it wasn’t. I wish it was a crazy girlfriend. Instead, it was his mom.

His mom remembered my name, I even met her once. I was happy to hear that he talked about me to her because it shows that I meant something to him. But I cannot believe what she said next.

“Carter passed away on July 3, we actually had a funeral last Thursday.”

What. The. Fuck.

As I continue to stutter and apologize for having to put his mom in this situation, I can’t help but wonder what happened. So as I tiptoed around the subject I finally asked, “was it sudden?”

“He killed himself. I try to be honest about it. I don’t know if he told you about his mental health problems, but he’s been sad for a long time.”

I knew about his depression and mental health struggles. I knew that he had a rough childhood and he resented his dad for leaving him. He fought with his mom all the time, and she kicked him out on multiple occasions. But he found love from his grandparents, which are who he stayed with most of the time. I knew all this, but I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. I wish I had.

Ever since we were kids, I’ve always tried to be a good influence to him. I even tried to convince him to come to summer school with me, which let’s be honest, he barely showed up for school during the year and that was mandatory so why would he ever go to summer school. But he entertained the idea for me, like he always did with everything I suggested. I guess he didn’t want to disappoint me. And as we grew up and grew apart, mostly because he moved and changed schools a million times and I went off to University in a different province, we still kept in touch. He has always struggled with finding a passion and what he wanted to do with his life. First he wanted to make music, which he did for a while, then he turned to art. I thought this would be his biggest break through, his art was amazing. I suggested he should be a tattoo artist since he loved tattoos and is clearly good at drawing. So when we chatted back in March of 2019, he had let me know he is restructuring himself and even went to an open house at OCAD and centennial to enrol if he doesn’t hear back from a tattoo apprenticeship. Then December 2019 came around and he let me know he was in a transitional phase with his art and might want to go into animation so he could work from home. He even suggested he’d come visit me in Montreal. I know he never would, but just the fact that he suggested made me so happy. We even tried to make plans to meet up, I really wish I had pressed him for these plans because maybe he needed to see me for a reason.

Nothing until now had been a red flag for me. I tried to always be positive and whatever dream he was chasing after next, I tried to be supportive and reaffirm that he did have talent and he will figure it out. But in February, his art on Instagram had taken a darker turn. I didn’t notice at first because he posted sporadically and also the Instagram algorithm only gives you a piece a time so if you didn’t go on his profile you wouldn't see the full picture. But his Instagram story caught my eye. It was a post along the lines of if he died, no one would even care. I immediately messaged him letting him know I would. He said thank you and quickly changed the topic to visiting me again in Montreal. I should’ve said something more. I should've called him because he clearly wasn’t being honest.

When I moved back home this summer thanks to COVID, something inside of me kept telling me to text him. If only I had texted him a couple of weeks earlier. If only I had reached out to him then. Maybe, this would’ve changed everything.

I always thought we would’ve found our way back into each others lives. I’ve played over a million scenarios in my head of how we’d be as close as we were back in high school. I even imagined the day I had the guts to tell him how much I’ve loved him and how long I loved him for. But now I’ll never get the chance.

I wish he saw how much he meant to me. How I’d smile when I see his name come up on my blackberry messenger with an incoming text. Or when he’d call me babe even though we weren’t dating. A friend who read over my shoulder used to laugh at me because the way we texted sounded cheesier and more in a relationship than my friend and her actual boyfriend. He always thought he was a ball of darkness, but he never knew how much light he brought into my life. To me, he’ll always be that kid we spent hours in Toys R Us sitting in children couches, hiding from the staff and talking about life. The goofy guy who photobombed a family at the CNE, and when the family saw, they just laughed because that’s just how charming he was. The guy who my parents picked up from his house to drive us to the movies and they even caught us, you behind me with your arms around me while we waited to be picked up (my mother immediately decided to have the birds and the bees talk with me the next day at a Swiss Chalet, thanks for that). And as we got older, we promised to marry each other if we were still single by 30, it was one of those promises we made to each other prompted by a silly rom com. But he didn’t even hesitate. He even agreed to have a skydiving wedding with me and say “I Do” in the air. He was the first person I told about this crazy sky diving onto an island wedding idea and like always, supported me even when I’m out of my mind. To me, he was perfect.

Right from the beginning he said to me “don’t fall in love with me”, at the time he had a few unfaithful relationships and a few toxic ones. He thought he wasn’t worth me loving him because he would ruin everything.

Well Carter Avery Benitez, from the day I stalked your Facebook after only meeting you for an evening at your ex girlfriends house and messaged you, desperately wanting to get to know you, there was no way I wouldn’t fall in love with you. You’ll always have a special place in my heart. June 13, 1994 - July 3, 2020, rest in paradise my love.

#rant #trigger: death #trigger: suicide

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vocaotome · 8 years

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A META ON THE CRAZINESS THAT IS KATSUKI YUURI AND HIS STUBBORN ASS SET ON RETIRING

I’ve seen a lot of people write metas on wtf actually happened during the last 2 episodes of Yuri!!! on ICE and Yuuri’s frustrating decision to retire, but so far I haven’t managed to 100% agree with any of them so I wrote my own!

In this meta I’ll try to answer the following questions (and no, “anxiety made him do it!!!” isn’t a magic answer), discussing almost everything solely from Yuuri’s POV:

-When exactly did Yuuri start seriously considering retirement? And why? Why didn’t he consider the option of working under another coach?

-Why did he decide to tell Victor only the day before the final, even though Victor deserved to know it much earlier as his coach and boyfriend?

-Why did he buy pair rings and exchange them in a location that clearly expressed his romantic intentions towards Victor when on the next day he was planning to ask Victor to go back to Russia, ending their professional relationship and severely straining the personal one?

Okay, so you guys remember the first episode?

Yuuri is NOT a quitter. Boy is actually competitive as fuck, and he actually gets annoyed when people automatically assume that he’s weak enough to freak out and retire over one failure. He isn't thinking of retirement here yet, but still he’s grieving for Vicchan and is highly upset over his performance. At this point he didn’t have any solid plans about the exact path to take., and after he fucks up and fails to qualify for worlds, he severs his bonds with Celestino but he still doesn’t completely given up.

For the next few months Yuuri is frustrated intensely by the fact that he finally got be on the same playing field as his idol and made a complete mess of that chance, and it’s not possible for him to think of stopping at such a low point. He fights his depressed feelings by skating Stammi Viccino with a thought process that was probably something like “if I can skate Victor’s routine I probably still am worth something, right?” When he skates the routine in front of Yuko he still is trying to be positive, and if left alone he probably would’ve chosen to continue skating even without any outside intervention, though it would’ve taken him some time to finish his soul-searching. We’ll never know, because soon after that Victor appears, dick out in the onsen and all, and offers to be his coach and he's like fkhdgsfkdfj!!!

Before I continue further let me classify three facets of Victor that we see in this show:

Victor the skater, Victor the coach, and Victor the person.

When Yuuri interacts with Victor in ep2 he’s mostly treating Victor as the first one, the idol he has always looked up to, and his initial reaction is glee and joy because Victor! Freaking! Nikiforov! says I inspired him! He's so close to me!!! I get to see him skate at my childhood rink!!! What a time to be alive!

But with Victor here, new problems arise. Yuuri actually has to pick concrete, timed goals now instead of just “someday”, and as one of my friends at the yoi discord server pointed out, Yuuri tends to get nervous when shit gets real, and having your lifelong idol as your coach is as real as things get. To make things worse, Victor starts to appear inconsistent in his offer to help. Mid ep2 he proposes the Onsen on Ice event that would decide which Yuri’s request he prioritizes. Considering how Yuuri treated him kinda distantly after he dropped everything to answer Yuuri's request to coach him, this might be him trying to see if Yuuri really wants him here (something like “Was he not serious when he asked me to be his coach? I’m not forcing into his life without his consent, am I?”), and/or him being salty, and/or him trying to rouse Yuuri’s competitive spirit. But let’s ignore that since Victor isn’t the focus here.

Look at Yuuri’s face when Victor says “Sure” to Yurio’s declaration about what he wants if he wins (Victor going back to Russia with him and becoming his coach). Him agreeing to return to Russia if Yurio wins really shook Yuuri up, I think. Making Yuuri compete for Victor even though Victor had declared that he's gonna be Yuuri’s coach just in the last episode made Victor appear to be an amazingly flighty guy who changes his mind very easily, from Yuuri’s perspective. (I thought the same back then, ngl. I know he had faith that Yuuri would win and the Nishigoris’ comments had also convinced him that using Yuuri’s competitiveness is a good idea, but why even put that up to chance??? Can you imagine the mess it would’ve turned into if Yurio won?)

It made him think that amazing as Victor may be, he can disappear at any point if Yuuri makes a mistake (way to convince the poor guy of your sincerity, Victor =.=), and he shouldn’t expect Victor to stay here any longer than absolutely necessary- which, he assumes, would be the Grand Prix Final.

The earliest he mentions retirement is mid ep2, then he confirms it again in ep3 at the end of Onsen on Ice (thoroughly confusing because dude you just won??? why???), and towards the end of ep4 he talks about this season being his last again. He's still bitter over Sochi, he desperately wants to properly utilize the short time Victor will be by his side to redeem himself this season since our boy is hella competitive. He refuses to go down as the skater who qualified for the final only once and retired after fucking up. He doesn’t begrudge Victor for not promising a long-term commitment because Victor’s the living legend, of course he needs to go back eventually. But while he’s here Yuuri wants to learn all he can from Victor, and express that through his own skating, so that he can both regain his own pride and prove to the world that Victor's precious time wasn’t wasted.

Now one may ask, why not continue even longer then??? He’s 23 at this point and doesn’t have any injuries holding him back, so he can still go for several years.

Because continuing means there's another chance of messing up. He might be able to do well this season, he knows that it’s very unlikely to do as bad as Sochi. But if he continues for a longer time without Victor by his side he might do worse than this season and he doesn't want that. He wants to leave on a high note. He tries to convince himself winning a gold with Victor's help is the most he can do, setting a bigger goal is like setting himself up for failure, LET'S PLAY IT SAFE.

A part of him probably must be pissed by this because Yuuri hates compromises, just look at his face in the above pic when he’s told to downgrade his free skate, no wonder he doesn’t obey Victor in the end. But his low self-esteem and anxiety manage to convince him somehow that no matter how much he hones his skills, there’s no telling when his nerves will betray him, so he shouldn’t bite off more than he can chew.

Over the course of the series his confidence grows and he begins to regain his love for skating, but it's still not enough to make him rethink his plans to retire. He now views Victor with an exasperated fondness as the latter takes baby steps towards being a good coach and they manage to be a good team, and he no longer thinks Victor is flighty enough to randomly leave (as proven in his “I know!” during the garage scene when Victor tries to convince that he wasn’t serious in his threat to resign), but they never had a proper conversation about their future plans after the GPF and he has no reason to think Victor, the living legend, will completely give up his chance to go back to skating.

(This pic is here simply because it’s too pure for this world and needs to be included in every meta post.)

Yuuri also gets to know Victor as a person during this period and after the cup of China their relationship takes a more intimate turn, but while that bolsters his confidence in some ways, it also gives him a new reason to panic. He had always been ready to let go of Victor the coach at the end of GPF, but when the Makkachin thing happens and they're forced to stay apart, he's hit full force by the extent of his yearning for Victor and and is torn by the idea of losing both Victor the coach and Victor the person in near future.

When they were reuniting in ep9, Yuuri’s request to take care of him until he retires kinda confused me tbh because Yuuri knows that Victor definitely is staying until GPF at least??? I saw the scene as him being kinda desperate and not thinking very clearly at that moment. I think he was actually planning to explain his reasoning for retirement and then ask Victor to be his coach until he retired, but he ended up doing the second part first, resulting in a case of word vomit that from Victor’s POV sounds very much like a request "please say that you want to stay forever" (and is probably the true wish in Yuuri’s heart that he will not allow himself to want). He doesn’t backtrack on his words, which probably is because he probably thinks that Victor also expects him to retire at the end of this season (after worlds), Chris did say there were rumors of Yuuri’s retirement circling around. Otherwise this seems like an overly aggressive demand like "please give up your skating career for mine", since he hasn't told Victor about how soon he plans to retire yet? I don’t think Yuuri would do that on purpose, and probably doesn’t realize how Victor took his words until the next moment.

Note that when Victor wishes that Yuuri never retires before Yuuri has a chance to bring up his plans of early retirement and makes him lose the chance to explain himself by showing giddiness at the prospect of being able to coach him indefinitely, Yuuri gets teary. This is him realizing that yes, Victor is indeed willing to give up his career for Yuuri ("killing" Victor the skater), Victor is willing to make such a sacrifice because of the personal connection they've developed. That's why he's so bold and downright cheeky in ep10, because he's convinced that Victor the person is willing to be by side for a long time.

But he also doesn't want Victor to do it like that, Victor the skater was the one who brought them together in the first place and Yuuri loves him. Yuuri is also unaware of Victor's internal troubles, lack of L&L and everything, and has no idea just how much Victor has been enjoying teaching him compared to the time he was competing. A selfish part of Yuuri simply wants to see Victor on the ice regardless of all circumstances, so I think he might have tried to convince Victor even if he did know. (I personally don’t think his decision to let Victor go is influenced by outside influences, as it’s been proven in ep6 Yuuri can be selfish in a good way and he doesn’t give a shit about unrelated people’s opinion at all. Yuuri himself wants to see Victor skate again, and he’s under the belief that Victor wants the same but is making an emotional decision to do otherwise.)

Yuuri also suffers from imposter syndrome often, and it’s possible that he is convinced that retiring for the sake of "someone like Yuuri" is a massive sacrifice Victor would regret later, and he doesn't want to fuck up their personal relationship if Victor looks back at this decision in the future and feels that Yuuri forced him to retire. So Yuuri cuts off the possibility of that happening by finalizing (almost) his decision to retire, despite how much he still wants to skate and wants to do it by Victor's side. This way even if Victor decides to retire for some reason (Yuuri probably can’t imagine any except age), at least it won’t be Yuuri’s fault.

I was confused why he went for "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna retire" instead of "Victor should stop coaching me and go back to skating, I'm gonna continue with a different coach since I don't wanna hold you back". After some brainstorming, I think letting Victor go and continuing under another coach is a very unappealing option to him for multiple reasons: he’s simply too attached to Victor the coach, even with his flawed ways Victor was still the best thing specifically for Yuuri. Both of them have a co-dependency problem, and Yuuri is aware of his own issues though doesn’t realize how it’s equally bad for both him and Victor. Russia cup proved to him that he can still survive without Victor and isn’t helpless, but he still isn’t confident that he won’t do worse in the next season if he becomes cut off from Victor’s constant, intimate support. Competing under a different coach would definitely do that, with the only possible exception being maybe Yakov...But that’s still too much of a long shot and depends on a bunch of different things (Will Yakov accept a skater from a rival country? Will Victor be allowed to be with Yuuri to give him mental support when he has no official reason to?). If you accept my theory that he wants to go out with a bang, continuing for another season under such unsure and less ideal environment than his current one is too big of a risk for Yuuri without enough reward. EDIT: This meta offers one other plausible reason, which is the possible financial issues Yuuri would have to face if he doesn’t do well enough during his post-Victor years and ends up only damaging his image and losing sponsors. It makes sense considering Yuuri’s tendency to not realize his own potential, it’s possible that sponsors are more than ready to look past his previous season’s failure and totally want to support Japan’s Ace who represented Japan in the GPF two years in a row, but Yuuri would fail to realize that and be much more nervous about being dropped.

Let’s mess up the ep order for a bit to talk about Yuuri and his standards. These are his thoughts during his FS on ep9.

Since he doesn’t believe in himself enough to think he has that much more to offer, he just wants to reach the highest possible goal he thinks is possible for him and stop. This is kinda hilarious yet sad, because Yuuri’s true aim is actually much, much higher. Throughout the whole series it’s clear that ever since the time he used to copy routines together with Yuko, his standards for skating have all been based on Victor. Yuuri has always wanted to be on the same level as Victor, and it doesn’t even end at that.

He wanted to surpass Victor, and even last year (when Victor was still competing!) he had actually aimed for the gold even though he never declared it. But it truly is such a high goal that he can’t say that to anyone, and is mocked by Nishigori when it slips out. This probably why Yuuri admires Yurio, who is a tiny bean but has the guts to declare what Yuuri can’t bring himself to.

There’s one thing that my thoughts are still unclear about. Yuuri’s original goal wasn’t actually just the gold medal itself (the physical item and the status that comes with it), but the idea of facing Victor, his inspiration, as a true equal. When Yuuri said that he wanted to have Victor step down as a coach in ep9, I first thought that he wanted it because he wanted to go against Victor next season, and was surprised when it turned out to not be the case. This skating season will always be lowkey unsatisfying for Yuuri because Victor is not in it, despite how much he respects his other competitors. In Yuuri’s mind Victor >>>>everyone, so I would expect him to be super frustrated if he retires right before Victor returns, allowing the opportunity to face Victor again slip away. The only reason I can think is deep rooted Sochi trauma that whispers to him that he won’t ever be able to surpass Victor no matter how much struggles for it, and this season is the only time he’ll be able to get the gold. (EDIT: as mentioned above, financial uncertainty might also play a role.)

The two dominating traits that make up Yuuri are so strangely contradictory, but they work together to mess him up: his pride as a hard worker makes him aim for the very best and refuse to do anything half-assedly, and his low self-esteem punishes him if he slips even just a little bit from the extremely high standards he has set for himself. Yuuri has too many conflicting desires as well-he loves Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater. He needs all of them but he knows he can't (he's not Victor level extra™ yet), so he chooses to let go of Victor the coach which he thinks will distress Victor the least. (ding ding! WRONG CHOICE)

Before he does this, he gets the rings which confused me at first because dude, you're planning to practically FIRE Victor tomorrow, is this the right time??? Then I realized that it's possible that the rings both serve their original purpose of being good luck charms and also a statement to Victor that although Yuuri is breaking off their professional relationship, he doesn't want to let go of Victor completely, they are connected by more than just their bond as a coach and a skater. If we look at it like that this was the perfect time to make the statement Yuuri did, nothing softens the blow of huge decision bombs more than trading wedding rings in front of a chapel with a choir singing in the background. XD Also it might not be very clear at first glance, but Yuuri is SHIT at being empathetic. He definitely doesn’t realize how distressing it would be for Victor to be suddenly told “go back to Russia and compete” and the amount of emotional pain he’d experience from being forced into a long-distance relationship without prior notice. Yuuri becomes so caught up in his head that he often fails (remember poor Minami in ep5?) to realize how his decisions can impact others. He’s just satisfied that he has made his intentions clear, and is being lowkey arrogant (even though he doesn’t mean to) that he knows what Victor wants. He probably does know that it would at least ruin the lovey-dovey atmosphere they have going at this moment, so he delays delivering the bad news as much as he can.

However, I think the revelation that he had gotten drunk and danced in the Sochi banquet might have had something to do with his performance the next day. Victor had told him to “Skate the way you like best” just earlier, but instead of doing that he ended up being so obsessed with technical points that he lost points in presentation (just a touch down in the flip won’t lower his score that much). His anxiety might have made him interpret things badly, like “omg I thought Victor came to coach me because he found me inspiring, but in truth it was something else”. Depending on whether he saw all the pics or not/whether he learned about “Be my coach, Victor~”, the “something else” he suspects can be a bunch of things, like Victor found him comical/Victor just wanted sex etc. Anyhow, it might be possible that at the start of ep11 he is afraid that Victor doesn’t think of him seriously as a skater despite Victor’s fondness for him as an individual. Being a skater is a part of Yuuri’s identity that won’t go away even if he retires, his efforts and his accomplishments are a reflection of the person he has been until this point, of his hard-working personality and his dedication. The idea of just being regarded as the funny drunk who made Victor curious would crush him. (This whole paragraph is just my speculation though, I don’t have any evidence for this part.)

I don't think his failure in his SP did much in regards to his plan to retire, the only thing it did was make him more upset than normal because he knows that this is his very last chance to redeem himself and any small mistake is unrecoverable. There’s no “next time”.

However, a bunch of other things did happen to convince him that sending Victor back to the ice was the right choice. Victor kept observing the skaters with far more interest than we’ve ever seen him do, and Yuuri interprets that as Victor longing to go back to competing himself. This is a hasty judgement on Yuuri’s part because Victor never said anything about that. Even after the anime has ended we don’t really know what he was truly thinking then. Even the story writer Kubo has mentioned that she hadn’t decided on what Victor’s thoughts really were, but from the way it was presented (look at his smile! wide, bright eyes!), personally I felt like Victor was less jealous of the other skaters and more appreciative of their unique strengths, the way a coach would be. I do think Victor is being innocently insensitive here, because he really should’ve realized that his gushing might be interpreted differently by Yuuri (even Sara, who was sitting beside them, stared at Victor at this).

I'm kinda glad JJ fucked up his SP (sorry JJ! You're still the king!) because that actually helped Yuuri regain his self-esteem a bit, he couldn't look down on himself from past year without also looking down on JJ, and Yuuri has always been kinder to others than he has been on himself.

But that still doesn't change his plans to retire, rather it makes him sort of complacent. "I've done well enough, this is as far as I can go, I'll do my best tomorrow and hopefully get the gold now that JJ is a lesser threat, so that I can redeem myself and prove to everyone that Victor didn't waste his time on me". The part of him that hates to compromise must be screaming but the stress from the competition and his anxiety is working together to push it down.

He shares his plans with Victor that night and is confused at Victor being upset enough to cry, because isn't this the best choice? Doesn’t Victor also want the same thing?? Because of his imposter syndrome issue and his blindness to his own potential he doesn't understand why Victor feels Yuuri quitting is such a shame.

Like I mentioned before, Yuuri is convinced that Victor was originally planning to stay only until the end of GPF and later changed his mind to stay longer for emotional reasons that Yuuri doesn’t support. Victor is right when he says Yuuri is selfish, he never took Victor’s perspective into account when making his decisions, his focus was on doing what he needed to do to protect his own glass heart. (I find it fascinating how Yuuri doesn't MEAN to be mean -pun, haha- but he ends up doing just that very often because he doesn't have the mental space to care about other people's feelings. Also if my hypothesis on Yuuri taking the Sochi banquet revelation as a negative thing is true, he probably feels like that Victor doesn’t really respect Yuuri’s abilities as a skater as much Yuuri would like him to despite how close they are personally, so he might be lowkey bitter.“You came to Hasetsu to date me and you still can do that, y u so mad”. Also if he knows about the ‘be my coach Victor’ thing, he probably thinks that his drunken appeal was the main reason behind Victor’s decision, not his talent like he had hoped.)

I do think Victor is also to blame for the fact that Yuuri was able to hide his intentions for this long. If Victor was planning to stay with Yuuri for a long time, he should’ve sat together with Yuuri and discussed their plans for the next season waaay before this. Too bad we don’t see the details of their argument afterwards.

Right before his FS Victor tries to be nice and supportive despite how frustrated he is (bless you Victor baby you’re so in love), and Yuuri calls him out on it. He knows Victor is not a conventional coach. He’s savage in his taunts but overly adoring in his praise, and the safe, predictable encouragement he first tried didn’t feel genuine enough to Yuuri, so he complains.

I don’t want to discuss Victor’s POV because that’s not this post’s focus, but I believe Victor was trying to play it safe until this moment because he didn’t want a repeat of China cup and freak Yuuri out. Here Victor is starting to realize that when Yuuri says he wants Victor to be himself, he wants the whole package deal- Victor the person, Victor the coach, and Victor the skater.

Remember this scene from ep10? See the similarity? Here Yuuri is being all “let me have my dorky boyfriend, you don’t need to act professional just because you’re also my coach”.

Similarly, in ep12, I think the message he’s trying to give is, “Victor the coach has crazy-ass standards because Victor the skater is OP as fuck, don’t stop being your unreasonable self just on my account, I’m not that weak”. Let’s go back to ep5 for a bit to see just how unreasonable Victor really is.

(I’ll let you know that the subs missed the word “at least”. Victor wanted Yuuri to “score in the hundreds at least”. CRAZY MAN.)

Back to ep12. Here Victor sees that Yuuri is actually ready for criticism, that he’s feeling lonely and out of his element because of Victor’s gentleness instead of seeking comfort in it. Yuuri hates being seen as weak (as evidenced in his refusal to heed Victor’s advice to downgrade his jumps in ep5), and Victor decides to take a leap of faith and give Yuuri exactly what Yuuri wanted- a friendly taunt accompanied by positive reinforcement (win and I’ll kiss your gold medal) instead of negative like his failed attempt in china (fail and I’ll resign). It was his way of showing Yuuri the believes in Yuuri even more than Yuuri believes in himself, just how Yuuri asked him to back in ep7.

He uses the word “break”, hinting to Yuuri that he might return (thus giving Yuuri a hint that regardless of how he does in the FS, he won’t need to feel responsible for Victor’s decision), and also the phrase “warm-up mode” (implying that he still believes that everything Yuuri has done so far still isn’t his best, and he can do more). His tone throughout the speech is teasing, not like “why do you suck so bad”, rather “I can’t believe someone so damn good that I, THE LIVING LEGEND, chose him hasn’t won yet, this is ridiculous, give me your 100%”. Yuuri notices that and cracks up, look at him so happy. ;;

“Oh my god my boyfriend/coach/idol is so ridiculous in his demands, I love this man”

And Yuuri goes and skates a flawless program, and gives Victor that 100% he had asked for. There are a couple things to note in his monologue during his routine, many of which are the basis for the earlier parts of this post. Although he tweaked his routine for a higher difficulty, he doesn’t obsess over the points this time, he just clears his mind and focuses on presenting his tribute to all the love in his life, Victor being featured in a considerable portion of it.

During this last chance, he finally once again chases the goal he had given up since Sochi, to be on equal standing as Victor. He also admits that he doesn’t truly want to stop, and wants to continue skating with Victor and his loving support.

But he can’t keep Victor the coach without killing Victor the skater, so he chooses to let the former go.

However, he does greatly love and appreciate Victor the coach, so he’s determined to display the results of Victor’s efforts through his skating, to all the people who have kept mocking Victor about him not being serious enough.

Once his performance is over, Yuuri is glad that he managed to give his 100% and didn’t let his nerves get the better of him, but it distraught because this is the end. (Still no explanation why he has to retire himself, though)

Or so he thinks. Yuuri is forced to rethink his life choices when he ends up breaking Victor’s world record.

Look at his expression here. Like “HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I GIVE MY 100%?!” Even Yuuri, with his massive self-esteem issues, can’t help but see his own potential at this point. Undermining himself after he has broken Victor’s world record is basically undermining Victor himself, and Yuuri would rather jump off a cliff before that. The only thing that could make him happier was being able to truly be on the same playing field as Victor which becomes a possibility when Victor hints to a desire to return to skating competitively.

Victor’s body language in these frames is so important here. I think Victor has realized by this point that unless he gets the chance to face Victor as an equal, Yuuri will never get complete closure and get past his perceived failure from the previous year. Victor doesn’t just glomp Yuuri, he first shakes Yuuri's hand and then pulls him into a one-armed hug. Yuuri’s being shown that he’s being taken seriously as a fellow skater, congratulated with a formal handshake by Victor the skater, not just his coach+ boyfriend. Even when he does hug Yuuri, he’s still holding onto Yuuri’s hand. Look how ecstatic Yuuri is when Victor claims that Yuuri breaking his record was "ultimate diss as a competitor". Just look at that smile. "I MANAGED TO GET VICTOR TO CONSIDER RETURNING" is so much more important to him than "I MIGHT GET A GPF GOLD". My guess is that until now he simply didn't think he could accomplish anything special by continuing, but not only does he feel more hopeful about what he can do, but Victor appreciates him as a competitor! Hurrah! Since he’s Katsuki Yuuri the king of lowkey assholes, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought something like “Victor is feeling frustrated because of me! I want to frustrate him more by breaking his world record again if he manages to take it back!”

Note how Yuuri doesn't worry about the score of the skaters who skated after him at all, no "oh crap if skater X gets more than this specific number of points I won't get the gold medal" which is odd since the gold medal was a real possibility at that moment, normally people would worry (like how JJ did about Otabek). It was like the gold medal itself mattered less to Yuuri than being on the same level as Victor. He managed to successfully skate a flawless program on the same difficulty level as Victor with a perfect quad flip as the cherry on top, and that was enough to calm him down for the moment.

The happenings of ep12 chip at his plan to retire bit by bit. Recognition from Victor as a worthy competitor convinces him that there might be worth in returning after all. Seeing abandoned Makkachin tissue box hits him with the reality that Victor won't be his coach anymore, it simultaneously breaks his heart and reminds him that he can make his dream to skate against again Victor a reality if he just fights against his self-deprecating notions a bit harder.

And of course Yurio's performance-during the later half of which we didn’t get Yuuri POV so I can't say exactly how, but it inspired him enough even before the results got announced. Each of the pics above have Yuuri's eyes sparkling indicating strong emotions (though you can't tell from the still screenshots).

I think the main two things Yurio manages to do are this:

1. Yuuri put his 100% into Yuri on ICE, but Yurio put his 120% in the way he added an extra quad and did many jumps with his hands raised. Remember, Yurio’s stamina is pretty meh, boy almost broke down after he was done. He shows Yuuri that his “I can’t do any better than this” thinking is BS, and Yuuri becomes curious what he himself can do if he continues and puts his 120% next time.

2. Yurio also showed to Yuuri in a shounen manga style that there are still many worthy opponents™ for him on the ice and he couldn’t afford to become complacent just because he had established a world record. Also Yurio changing up his jumps and overexerting himself to match Yuuri’s FS also shows him that he is also being regarded as a worthy opponent™ in Yurio’s eyes and gives him even more of a confidence boost. EDIT: This point is covered in more detail in this lovely meta also about Yuuri’s motivation behind not retiring!

2. Yurio gets the gold, and the loss of the gold medal by such a small margin simply lights a fire on Yuuri’s ass. XD 0.10 point is such a cursed amount, it’s so small that Yuuri can’t hate on himself for not performing well enough, but still it made him lose the gold. Though during the opening ceremony Yuuri looks more or less satisfied, the way he had been soooo close must have been vexing.

TBH Yuuri’s main problem (at least imo) still hasn’t been solved at this point. If he continues, he will have to take on the challenge of competing without Victor’s constant support. But for the first time in a long time, he’s feeling confident enough to do it, and trying to at least do his part to lessen the co-dependency thing he and Victor have going on.

I’ve seen people interpret this as Yuuri asking Victor to be his coach for one more year and I’m super confused, is it a dubbing issue? Because the sub shows it clearly that he asked Victor to continue skating, not coaching Yuuri. The Japanese sentence he says is “僕と一緒にあと一年競技生活続けてください=Please continue skating competitively (overly literal translation-‘competitive life’) together with me for one more year”.

(Look at my baby. So confident. So beautiful. T^T)

He’s literally issuing Victor a challenge here, from one skater to another. Yuuri does still plan to let go of Victor the coach, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love him, and plans to use what he learned from him to beat Victor the skater! Ironic and hilarious =D Victor is like YES GOOD I’m proud of you! Then he drops the bomb:

Yuuri is shook because this is more than he ever expected. Until now he was only confident about their personal relationship which was bound to become a least a bit strained when Victor returned to Russia, but now he’s getting everything he wants. Normally people would be worried that that’s too much for a person, but I guess Yuuri has such a high opinion of Victor that he immediately accepts that Victor can pull it off. This is one case where Yuuri’s hero-worshipping and lack of ability to see things from other people’s perspective is useful, lol. One other reason he isn’t blaming himself is that this is totally coming from Victor. Unlike last time where Victor agreed to drop his career in favor of Yuuri’s thanks to Yuuri’s poorly timed request, here Victor is taking on the extra load purely out of his own will. Competing separately would’ve definitely been better than just Yuuri retiring and Victor continuing, but the amount of time they could spend together on a personal level would’ve decreased either way ( depending on what Yuuri would’ve done after retiring/how his new coach would’ve managed his time). Victor is being selfish here, refusing to give up his pupil to another coach and not willing to end up in a long distance relationship with his boyfriend.

Victor makes it even easier for him by issuing his own challenge: I’ll work hard to keep your request but get me 5 gold medals from Worlds in return! While utterly ridiculous and halfway likely to not come true (there are so many possible unknowns-injuries,illnesses,family issues), the demand shows Yuuri the level of faith Victor has in him, and he agrees.

With that, Yuuri finally is assured that he will be able to physically stay by the side of his idol/coach/boyfriend for a long, long time, which is something they BOTH want, and that’s why he’s so calm and happy when they’re being lovey-dovey on the ice later at the exhibition. “Stay close to me”, indeed!

And with that I’m officially out of juice, phew. I’ll see if I can edit this later to make it more compact and improve the flow, I think I stated many points more than once because I tried to stay mostly chronological.

ALL HAIL VICTUURI!!!

#yuri on ice #yoi #yuri!!! on ice #yoi meta #meta #Katsuki Yuuri

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you-imagine-i-write · 8 years

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An Impatient Teacher

Requested by Anonymous: “ “You couldn’t land a hit on a mountain.” with wolverine!! reader is a healer and cant fight so she asks logan for help but he refuses bc he doesnt want her to get hurt :)) thank you!!”

Thanks to @dragon-memes for the prompt: “You couldn’t land a hit on a mountain”

So sorry because you requested this aaaaages ago, but i thought i’d post it now as a nice change from Peter Pan imagines ;)

Summary: Wolverine x Reader. After hearing Professor Xavier talking about the oncoming war, you decide that your healing powers would be best used on the battlefield. Logan disagrees. Can you change his mind?

Word count: 1,000 Words

—————————————————-

You’d been eavesdropping minding your own business when you heard Professor Xavier talking to some of the older occupants of the school; the humans wanted to fight, they wanted the mutants under their control, Magneto wanted the opposite. Either way, a war was coming.

You wanted to be ready, and you knew just the person who could help you. That was how you found yourself standing at the door of a training room, simply watching Logan beat the crap out of an innocent punching bag, his claws sliding seamlessly out of his hands.

“Did the punching bag personally insult you in some way?” You asked, stepping into the room.

Logan grunted, momentarily pausing in his assault to look at the person who’d interrupted his training, and you offered a small smile and a wave.

He turned back to the punching bag and continued his onslaught before asking gruffly, “What d’you want?”

Taking that as an invitation to walk further into the room, you made your way closer to Wolverine, deciding just to bite the bullet and come straight out with your question. “I just so happened to hear the Professor talking about this whole war business and I was wondering if-”

“No.” Logan grunted, cutting you off almost immediately and turning away from the shredded bag.

“I didn’t even finish my question!” You spluttered out indignantly.

He looked at you with his disapproving face already firmly in place. “Didn’t need to, Y/N, you’re stupid enough for me to already know that you think I’m gonna let you go out there and fight in a war that you don’t understand until you get yourself killed. The answer is no, you’re no use to anybody if you wind up dead.”

“I’m no use to anybody if I’m stuck in this school, Logan!” You yelled, but your anger passed as quickly as it had appeared and your voice softened. “I can heal people, I can save people, but only if I’m allowed to go out there and do it. What’s the point in having my power if I can’t use it?”

Logan chuckled darkly, “You couldn’t land a hit on a mountain, Y/N; you wouldn’t last five minutes in a war.”

“Rude, I would too! I can fend for myself, you know.” Attempting to puff out your chest and at least look slightly intimidating.

“Then prove it.”

You let out an undignified shriek as Logan’s claws suddenly swiped a few inches above your head and you desperately ducked from side to side as he continued to swing at you.

“Logan, what are you doing?” You squeaked.

“You gonna defend yourself or keep running away? Do you think that’ll save you out there?” Wolverine growled out, not pausing in his attacks.

“Well the whole fighting back thing was what you were meant to be teaching me!” You managed to pant out, diving away from his claws once again.

The onslaught stopped abruptly, and you tried to not so subtly catch your breath as Logan’s claws retracted back into his hands.

“I’m just worried, okay?” The man said in an uncharacteristically awkward manner. “I don’t know what I’d do if I let you fight and you got hurt.”

You smiled at his show of affection, and stepped closer until you were only a few inches from Logan’s chest. “I’ll be fine, I swear, plus I’ll have you there to protect me.”

“But what if I couldn’t? I can’t be there all the time, and I wouldn’t been able to live with myself if you-”

“My turn for interruptions, Logan; I understand, I really do, but surely if you taught me how to defend myself you wouldn’t have to always be so worried about me!” A smile then spread across your face as an idea hit you. “How about I make you a deal?”

Logan looked at you suspiciously. “What sort of deal?”

“We spar. If I land at least one hit on you then you have to teach me how to fight.” You smirked, stepping backwards so that you could look at his face without having to crane your neck.

Wolverine paused for a second before letting out a large sigh, his claws re-emerging once more as you grinned at him with glee. “Fine, but don’t expect me to go easy on you.”

“The thought never crossed my mind.”

Almost immediately, he was swinging at you again, but this time you managed to swallow your small squeak and focus on dodging his attacks, uncertainly curling your hands into fists and attempting to plan how you were actually going to be able to punch Logan without getting your face shredded in the process.

You danced around each other for a while before the thought came to you and, after Wolverine’s claws had come worryingly close to your face, you stumbled backwards slightly and fell back onto the hard floor with a wince.

“Crap, my ankle.”

Logan was quickly concerned and began to lean over you and somehow, though you’d never quite know how you managed to pull it off, you flicked yourself back onto your feet, your fist rushing forwards and connecting solidly with Wolverine’s chest. Considering that it felt like you’d just punched a brick wall, you thought that you hid your wince quite well. Ignoring the fact that Logan was obviously completely unaffected by your hit, you still felt a small swell of pride. You’d actually done it.

“Fine.” He growled. “I’ll teach you, but you’re the one who’s actually got to convince the Professor to let you go and fight.”

With a squeal of triumph, you threw yourself at Logan, wrapping your arms around his waist happily. He awkwardly patted your back before his arms eventually wound their way around you, and you wiggled your fingers slightly, just checking to see if you’d manage to avoid breaking anything. A deep chuckle vibrated through Logan’s chest.

“You hurt your hand, didn’t you?”

Slightly muffled by his shirt, you responded with a small, “Shut up.”

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theskelejournals · 8 years

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Entry 50

Heh. Y’know, I hadn’t really thought about it cause I’ve been pleasantly occupied for a little while now, but it’s almost been two years since… well. The accident. It’s still hard to think about it, how it changed us, changed everything, but I guess that’s life. It goes on. Two years of confusion, fighting, working to regain myself, working through it all and just… moving past it. You don’t just get over something like that easily. And it hasn’t been easy. But I’ve had help. I have a lot of things, people, circumstances to thank for that. Yeah it’s still rough with that flower lurking around, but I don’t try and let him get me down too much. I just keep on being the laid back sentry I am and watching out for the strangeness.

Of course with Paps, Grillby and Q, and the lady behind the door, I’ve been able to keep myself afloat. There’s still moments where I hit a wall, when I sink, but then a hand reaches out to help. Whether I can physically grab that hand or not, there’s always someone there to make sure I don’t fall too far.

I couldn’t make it without you guys.

But beyond that deep stuff, let’s get to some of the more entertaining bits.

It’s almost All Hallow’s Eve, and while Paps and I didn’t do anything spectacular for it last year, this year the Snowdin Inn is hosting a party. Papyrus told me he wanted to attend and dress up, and when asked about it, he told me he wanted a guard costume. No surprise there. Mulling over ideas, I laid something out for him.

“tell you what, bro,” I said while we were out shopping one day, “you wanna be a guard for all hallow’s eve?”

“Of course I do! I mean, I want to be one for real, but to be one for this is just as good! For now!”

“heh, right, so.” Looking up with a grin, I tilted my head a little. “howzabout you design me a guard costume, and i’ll make it for you?”

Papyrus stopped mid stride in the isle, brows raising and jaw dropping.

“Really? You’ll make me a costume?”

“yeah sure, figure it’ll be fun.” Snickering, I added, “builds character, y’know. helps craft my engineering skills.”

For once, Paps was too excited about the prospect to fully hear the puns.

“Wowie! Yes brother, please! Oh, that’d be the coolest!”

So when we got home, Papyrus immediately rushed off to grab some paper and pens. It took him a few tries, but eventually he drew up a rough sketch of what he wanted.

“Behold, Sans! The Battle Body of the Great Papyrus!”

It was a pretty simple design in concept, and after looking it over, I took some of the paper he had left and sketched out my own in the style of blueprints. Papyrus watched intently as I went, planning out how to make it.

“Oh, oh! Could you make it as if I were actually going to use it? As a real guard? I want it to be authentic!”

“heh, sure thing.” With a chuckle, I made notes of what type of material to use, and once I had everything laid out, I turned the paper to show him.

“I… can’t understand most of that,” he mumbled with a furrowed brow. Grinning, I pat his shoulder and shook my head.

“that’s fine bro, i can draw all the conclusions i need on my own.” He made a grumbled noise in response, to which I snickered. I took his measurements and wrote those down too to make sure I had everything I needed besides the materials actually needed to make the gettup. After that, the next day was used to gather the supplies for the build. I got hard but flexible material, stuff I knew would protect him if he ever got in a brawl of any type. Kinda had a double meaning: authentic for him and extra protection to ease my mind. Despite that, I’ll be completely honest, I was actually excited to make the costume for him. I hadn’t built anything since my post out in the forest -- if you exclude puzzles -- and I was looking forward to working on something. Besides, I knew it would make Papyrus happy.

After getting everything I needed, I set up shop down in my lab to begin. Galahad kept watch as he always did down there, his own gaze ever curious as I worked. Papyrus would come down a lot to try and see how far I’d gotten, excited for it to be done and giving his own input. I think a part of him was a little worried about me being alone in my lab again after so long too, but I can’t blame him for that. I didn’t spend nearly as long down there as I did during the machine stuff, but I could understand his worry. When he was down there though, I’d use that opportunity to retake his measurements and fit the pieces around him to make sure everything lined up.

Progress took about a week, and when it was finally done, I gathered all the pieces with blue magic and carted them into the house. As a kicker, I put my old lab coat and a pair of reading glasses that were my brother’s on before heading inside. Paps was downstairs when I was tugging the pieces through the door, and his excited gasp made me look up with a grin.

“up to your room, bro,” I told him. “time to try it out.”

His excited laughter rang through the house as he jogged upstairs, making me grin that much wider. After bringing it all up, I set the pieces down and had Paps open his closet so we could use the full body mirror behind it.

Despite his excitement, Papyrus made sure to attach everything just right and carefully. I lended a hand whenever needed which wasn’t often, just a clasp or two, before he turned around and beheld himself in the mirror.

Watching him stare at his reflection in wonder was probably one of the most fulfilling things. The fact that I could make my brother happy like that made so many things worth it. Those books from long ago came in handy after all.

“Sans! This is exactly what I wanted!” Laughing in triumph, Papyrus danced happily in his spot, grinning away in glee. He spun around several times to get a look at every angle, utterly pleased with the results. “Oh brother, thank you! It is truly an outfit worthy of the Great Papyrus!”

“heh, only the best for the best, am i right?”

“Absolutely!”

As I watched him, a thought struck me and I tilted my head. The outfit looked good on him, but… something else could be added.

“y’know… i think i have something that’ll make you look even cooler.” Papyrus looked at me with curious excitement.

“I am already pretty great looking, but the Great Papyrus will always take suggestions!”

Smirking, I nodded and started heading toward the door.

“heh. one sec.”

Teleporting midstep, I reappeared in my room and looked around. Spotting what I wanted, I headed for my desk and ran a hand slowly over the folded red scarf by the journal. It was something I’d had for as long as I could remember. The sentimental value of it was deep, and I knew that it had been something important. Gaster said that it was one of the very first things I’d ever touched.

Smiling gently, I took a breath and picked it up to hold it close. Leaving my room, I went back down the hall to Paps’ room and found him still looking at the armor in the mirror. With a chuckle, I came to his side and held the bundled cloth up.

“here bro, use this.”

Blinking, Papyrus turned to look and he paused. His brows rose, looking between me and the scarf, reaching a tentative hand to run over it like I had done nearly a minute before.

“Your scarf! Sans… Are you sure?”

“yeah. just be sure to take good care of it,” grinning, I added, “knot that i didn’t think you would.” Pap groaned, slumping.

“Enouuuugh.” Straightening back up, he took the scarf gently and carefully held it in his mitts, raising a brow and tilting his head. There was a spark of recognition in his eye, one he didn’t look like he could place. But I knew what it was. That scarf had belonged to Gaster, and his father, and then dad gave it to me. Now, in this unspoken movement, I was passing it on to Pap. Continuing the tradition, I guess you could say. I’d worn it many times, but I guess it never really caught Paps’ attention enough for him to ask or notice. Until now, anyways.

Smiling gently, he looked up and gained an appreciative grin.

“I’ll wear this with pride, worry you not, brother!”

Kneeling down, he handed it back over and tilted his chin up. Understanding hit me and I nodded with a chuckle, shifting to wind it carefully around his neck and tucking it.

“there you go, bro. as sharp and fierce as ever.”

“Nyeh-heh! Wonderful!” Standing up tall, he looked in the mirror and his eyes lit up with his grin. “Wowie! Looks Sans! It really brings it together!” Tucking my hands in my pockets, I nodded with a grin.

“sure does, bro. you look like a true royal guard now.”

Gasping softly, Papyrus looked over with an excited grin.

“Really? You think so?” Clearing his throat, he turned back to the mirror and pulled a dramatic pose. “I mean! Of course I do! I am the Great Papyrus, the best, most Royalist of Guards!”

Snickering, I shook my head in amusement at his antics. He really was something else. In that moment, Pap reached and laid a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, he was grinning happily still, a light in his eyes that made me pause.

“Sans… thank you. For all of this. It means a lot to me.”

Grinning softly back, I shrugged.

“it’s my job, bro. to make sure you’re happy and taken care of.” Grinning a little wider, I said, “out of the other two jobs i got, this is the best one.”

“I mean it, I don’t think I tell you enough how much I appreciate having you as my brother,” Papyrus said, kneeling back down so we were equal height. “I tease at you all the time about being lazy but…”

“aw paps,” I chuckled, “i know you don’t really mean it.”

“Ok but see you are lazy sometimes,” Pap countered, making a face, but it quickly smoothed back out. “But really. For all you do, thank you.”

“it’s nothin’.” Shrugging, I reached forward and gave his head a pat, much like Grillby tended to do. “but i gotta say, thank you for keeping me in line. you’re the greatest brother around.”

“Nyeh! It’s my job!” Winking at the repeated words, he pulled me into a tight hug. Huffing, I laughed and hugged him back as he continued, “I may be the greatest, but you’re the best! Never forget it!”

“heh, i won’t paps.”

“Good because if you do, I’ll be right here to remind your lazy self.” Patting my back, he let go and looked in the mirror one more time excitedly. I let him have the moment, and in that same moment I smiled to myself. Thanking whatever presence was out there that I had a brother as cool and understanding as Papyrus. Heh. Thanks to you too, Dadster.

“so…” Clearing my throat, I raised a brow with a slightly teasing grin up at him. “you gonna wear that the rest of the day now? cause uh, the party ain’t until this weekend.”

Blinking, Papyrus turned to look at me and then back in the mirror with crossed arms.

“Indeed I am! I can’t let a costume this exquisite just sit and wait to be worn once! I have to break it in. It must get the appreciation it deserves.”

Snickering softly, I leaned against the computer desk and rest a cheek in my hand.

“whatever you say, bro.”

“It is what I say! Now, let’s find you something to wear too.”

Shaking my head, I let out a laugh.

“nah, i already know what i’m gonna wear. wouldn’t take a rocket scientist to guess.”

His face falling into an unimpressed expression, Paps puts his hands on his hips as he stared me down.

“Are you really just going to put your lab coat on and call that a costume?”

“pretty much yeah.”

“You are ridiculous, brother,” he sighed, running a hand over his forehead.

“hey, it’s a costume,” I chuckled, “i don’t work there anymore, so it, y’know, works.”

“You could at least be a little creative with it!”

“well i am wearing glasses. it’s a spectac-ular addition.”

Turning the look to me again slowly, he leaned forward a little bit and squinted.

“So glasses and a lab coat.”

“yep.”

“And nothing else.”

“yep.”

Groaning, Papyrus threw his hands up and turned to face the mirror again.

“How do I put up with you?”

“pretty easily i’m sure, i don’t weigh that much.”

“OKAY I’M LEAVING,” he exclaimed, hands in the air again, marching toward the door. I started cracking up, burying my face in my arms. Going from a meaningful moment to banter in zero seconds flat.

“leaving your own room?”

“Yes! Leaving! Gone! Bye brother!”

Paps was out the door in seconds and I was laughing too hard to stop him. He wasn’t actually mad, but oh man that was too priceless. I eventually followed him out, shedding my coat and the glasses shortly after. Paps started talking to me again not long after that too, then we sank into laughter as we picked fun at one another. Right back to normal. Heh, as if the banter wasn’t. It was TV the rest of the night, Pap dancing around in his costume randomly to show it off even though I’d made it, and then a story to put him to sleep.

I’ll be the first to admit that my life is a little crazy, but then there’s times like these that I’m also reminded that it can be pretty cool. For once, I’m really starting to look forward to things again. It’s been building a little over time, and while hope can be dangerous in my situation, I can’t help but let it try to come back. Sure I’ve got a human-based promise to keep for my friend, a lunatic flower to watch out for, and a shadow that’s my dad that I can one-sidedly talk to from time to time but… y’know.

Life’s funny like that.

I’ve also got two jobs, a brother to watch out for, friends and family close by when I need them, and with that a support system. It can be sketchy -- thanks Flowey -- but again, that’s also life. Despite it all, the past few months, things have been looking pretty good. I can’t help feeling like… something's gonna happen soon, but what… I can’t even begin to think of. I’m just gonna hold out that it’s something good. All you can do, am I right?

I just know that, right now… yeah. Things are okay. I’m okay.

And that’s all I can ask for. - Sans

#undertale #sans #papyrus #undertale fanfic #journalVerse #sansjournal2 #and there it isss #the battle body #good lord this has been a journey

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thefamilyineverknew · 6 years

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Turning 47: pt. VII

“All in the Family”

17-21 May

During that blustery drive across the southwestern stretch of Kansas to the Double Bar “L” farm, a thought occurred to me that continued to build. In her original message, Arla had written both her email and phone number, the area code placing her in Colorado. I’m thinking, I’m already this far west, and Colorado is only a few hours further...maybe I could just continue to drive after joining my family here for my cousin Matt’s wedding and perhaps...hmmm. I only foresaw two obstacles; one, I had been borrowing one of my folk’s cars for the entire Spring in Chicago and had already racked up considerable miles, and two, they could have a bad reaction to the news. That was a toss up. So I would need to tread lightly if I were to reach for that.

Coming in from the rain, I set my bags down and kick off my boots. I’m shown where I will be sleeping; downstairs in the den area where my cousins and I used to play Atari PONG on the Magnavox console TV. This was formerly my Grandpa Lightner’s house and there are still vivid set pieces from that time; the Brunswick Balke Collender pool table, the card table with inset compartments for each player’s cards, the mid-century stonework. My aunt and uncle had expanded the back of the house, where my grandpa’s desk used to sit, into a large, open sitting room with a wrap-around sofa and a couple comfy rockers the color of oxblood (which looked to me like pair of Claes Oldenburg soft-sculpture art objects resembling over grown livers). There was a lot of memory in this place. I was about to make one more.

After getting settled, I was talking with my mom & dad about the trip, the time at Wheaton, and such. Then I said, “I took the opportunity while I was here to get my DNA run through Ancestry”. My mom shot back, ”Oh wow. We thought that might be something for you.” (positive). They were visibly excited, in a good way. “So, what did it say?”, my dad asked. So, I showed them how it worked on the app; the background information estimated by the service, and the section showing others whose DNA markings make them a close match to distant relative. They were fascinated, of course, bordering on giddy. They had never known any more information than what they had told me, so this was a big moment for them, too.

When I showed them the 2nd section for connections, I pointed out this woman marked as a close relative who I had seen straight away after receiving the results. “I saw this and thought, ‘Am I looking at my mother’?”, I said, “But it turns out, she’s my aunt. My birth mother contacted me the day after I got the results”. Oh wow.

Visibly, my parents were afflux with emotion; glee to reservation, and back again. So I read the message that Arla had written aloud to them, then my response. My dad was impressed, ”She sounds level-headed and cautious. That’s good.” Over a career as a pastor, he has seen and counseled all sorts of desperate people in distress and in need, so he knows the markers and potential dangers in situations like this. He kinda teared up. This was an emotional thing for them.

Then he blurts,”Hey! You’re already in Kansas! Colorado is just next door! You should try to meet her.” And that was that. Wow. No need to angle. I would go to Colorado. But first, we had the business of attending my cousin Matt’s wedding the next day.

Now, I would never be accused of being known to travel great distances to attend momentous events in my relatives’ lives. It’s not a point of pride, just a fact. But this particular wedding was a little, nay, a lot different.

Matt became a widower last year when his wife Emily was t-boned at a rural Kansas intersection by a 17 yr old driving upwards of 90 mph (145 kph) outside of Hutchinson, leaving behind six children under the age of 10, including a newborn and two adopted toddlers. It was such devastating news to receive being overseas. I never had the pleasure of meeting Emily, but my sense is that she was a dynamo, the engine, the dreamer and doer, and she perfectly matched Matt. I saw them as two tent posts, creating a warm family nest together, and then suddenly, one of the tent post falls, and the tent falling in around them. I reached out to Matt via FB, but did not expect a reply. It was an extremely grievous time.

Then, in the Spring, as I’m making plans for what to do after classes finish up, (the plan was to drive to Nashville, hop a plane to Seattle, drive down and up the coast to see friends, fly back to Nashville, spend some more time there, then drive back up to my folks in MN, and fly out to Sweden on the 30th of May) my folks called to let me know that Matt was getting remarried May 19th and it sure would be nice if I were able to make it. My northwest plans were foiled, but I was amazed and thrilled for Matt and, of course, I would go. I would be able to celebrate with him and offer my condolences about Emily in person, all in the same go.

So I hear that the woman he’s marrying, Megan, is also the survivor of a departed partner. From what I know, her husband died of cancer, leaving her to care for their four children, also all under 10 yrs old. 😮 so that means...let me do the math...6 + 4...hmmm....WHOA!! Ten under ten. That is incredible on top of improbable on top of nearly impossible; that they found each other and that they already knew each other from high school and that they and their families can begin to heal. Just beyond.

And since they were both originally from Garden City, it seemed the whole city showed up (well, at least 300 people). And all ten kids stood in the wedding as both groomsmen and bridesmaids. There was sadness and joy. Emily’s folks were there, which must have taken all the strength and love they have. What an emotional event!

Matt and Megan get in their 15 person van, with the “Just Married” markings soaped on the back, and drive off...only to drive around the block and return, cause...you know...ten kids. And the reception. There, my dad was making the rounds, shaking hands, seeing relatives; cousins, aunts, uncles. He wanted to take me around with him and reintroduce me to a bunch of people. My father was completely in his element at the reception, it was a joy to see. I was able to get reacquainted with several distant Lightner relatives who knew me from the time I was just a rambunctious, curly toe-headed kid. That my path would take me through the arts and performance and abroad, and not to farming, with fingers the gauge of a baseball bat, was always a bit intimidating, but the conversations flowed with ease, and were very intelligent, even some Swedish spoken by the husband of a second cousin of mine who did a student exchange back in high school. I felt the instant acceptance as I always had as a kid.

It was about this time that my dad began to lobby me to tell everyone the big story about finding out my background and hearing from my birth mother. I felt very private and protective of the story, just having had this lifetime mystery unveiled to myself. I wanted to maintain a level of control over the rate at which I revealed, which I was able to do up to a point but, man, was he excited about it. And that’s a whole world better than the opposite reaction.

The plan now was to stay at the Double Bar “L” to hang with my family until my folks and aunt Mary Sue left to return to Minnesota on Monday. Then...Colorado.

Now, I really need to message the woman who gave me life...

#garden city #kansas #announcement

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midnight-strider · 7 years

Text

Taking a risk and looking for feed back as well as opinions

Back during the time between S3 and 4 of MLP FIM, I decided to dip my toes into the realm of Fan diction writing once again. I say once again, because I wrote one YEARS back, talkin early 2000s for Command & Conquer, but it was horrible and was never posted on a C&C site due to never really being a full chapter and just plain bad. The spark of creativity hit again during Kung Fu Panda 2 & the TV show and I did post a chapter on DA to rather positive favor but never continued due to getting distracted, worried, and other things (it was a romantic fiction between a OC and Master Tigress.....don’t just me, angry women are attractive. May come back to it too...). Now fast forward back to between S3-4 I was nervous as I know alicorn ocs are unpopular due to how easily overpowered or whatever they can be, but I forge ahead because I love making a OC of each race of a fantasy/sci-fi series I really love if each race is unique and appealing. So, with my OC thuroughly thought out and a story fully formed in my head I start turning out five-ish chapters only to stop when the S4 finale blows a idea of mine, involving Discord, out the window. Anyway, seasons pass and I wish-wash between how I should proceed and make it believable, along with how closely it sticks to current show events/cannon.

Well, with the end of S6 and the more recent movie I’ve gotten the creative urge and spark again along with deciding to update it to about the current show events while possibly leaving out the changeling reform, or having it be a splinter between true changelings and abnormals. Anyway, that said, the story is about my main OC Midnight Strider, who is both the main antagonist and in the second half protagonist. I decided I wanted to make a character and a story based on whaqt Lauren Faust had planned originally for S1 and Nightmare moon. The initial concept then turned into something more Jekyl and Hyde with a more lawful villain who truly believes in what he does despite being corrupted by his foolishness in thinking dark magic is not harmful. Through that corruption believing in a balance of good and evil that has become distorted due to the overabundant and long lasting harmony and thus deciding to bring forth a age of darkness to balance things out after seeing the rate of threats, thus ensuring something far worse is prevented. That’s just part of the first half of my novel/novella-esque fan fiction, the second delves into the Jackyl & Hyde aspects that involve literal facing of own demon along with romance. I’d say who his romance interest may be, but I’m debating on if it should be one of two candidates. One has a fair bit in common with him, though may draw ire due to just who it is and how popular this mare is due to her esteemed position. The other, is VERY new and draws from my liking of angry women who can and has beat everyone by herself. (bet you can’t guess who I’m talking of lol) With a third section involving ramifications of the first and second parts along with a possible epilogue involving a future of how everything ended, Needless to say this is a big undertaking that in total may have well over 50, more than likely even more, chapters That being said, I’m going to post the prologue of this story and would love to see the feedback of not only the idea, but the prologue and if I should proceed/ I’d especially like to hear the thoughts of those waaay better versed in such things like @ink-rose-the-hylian , @tyandaga or @looneyturtle as they are experts in matters of character consistency and the like. But they by no means need to feel obligated to even respond as I’m sure they are busy and have better things to do. With all that said, here’s the prologue. Again, only looking for opinions, this is still under altering/changing and other stuff/

Princess celestia smiled as she walked among a field of flowers with her younger sister Luna in the canterlot gardens, enjoying a moment of sisterly bonding. They laughing, reminiscing about their youth while enjoying the idealic sunny day. They soon stopped and stared in wonder as the sky turned black and a strong wind began to blow, followed by ominous shadowy storm clouds that soon filled the sky as lightning shot out of them. Malevolent sinister laughing came from nowhere, coming from every direction, as a menacing figure cloaked in thick shadows formed before the surprised princess. The only notable features of the presence before her were faded bronze-ish gold eyes that pierced through the thick black shadow that made up it's form.

"Who are you, why have you intruded upon the castle grounds?" Celestia demanded. only to be met with more laughing. As she looked on at the occurrence, the shadowy figure shot a black burst of magic into the ground causing dark figures to rise up from it. Although hard to define, Celestia was able to make out a few. To her absolute horror, she could make out the appearance of her former faithful student and her friends but they were wrong, the exact opposite of how she knew them to be. The countenance of her student turned fellow princess was all so wrong, she looked prideful, arrogant and vain, nothing like how she knew Twilight. And her friends, they looked just as wrong and cruel as Twilight did.

"No....What have YOU done?!" Celestia barked at the shadow cloaked figure, which still refused to respond. After the initial shock she looked at the malevolent figure, her mouth turning into a stern and determined frown as her eyes narrowed, glaring at the shadowed figure in front of her before shooting a magicical blast, only to have it go right through the menacing visage.

The figure seemed to not even notice or care, instead shooting it's strange beam of magic once again after a few seconds. Although believing it to be aimed at her, instead Celestia looked in horror as the beam hit Luna who she soon realized had not actually moved since the figure appeared. "Luna!" Celestia cried out, "Are you..." Celestia was cut off as the princess of the night slowly started to laugh in a all too familiar tone, one that Celestia had hoped she had heard the last of for good. As Luna began to change, her coat slowly faded from it's dark blue color to black from her hooves up, eyes turning teal and irises changing from round to more slit like as she soon became Nightmare Moon. Smirking she walked over to the figure, standing by it's side as Queen Chrysalis and King Sombra appeared on either side of them. As Celestia began to step back, eyes wide in disbelief and shock, trying desperately to not let the sheer dismay from what was unfolding before her eyes overwhelm her.

"Luna.....no....." Celestia said softly as she looked down at the ground, heart practically shattered, slowly raising her head after a few seconds toward the figure in a look of sheer hatred and eyes that would shoot daggers if they could. "You....I'LL SEE YOU ROT IN TARTARUS!" Celestia roared in rage at the figure that was at the center of the events as She began to fire off more spells at the shadowy figure in a mix of anguish and rage at what it had done to her sister only to see them continue to pass through. Her look of anguish and shock grew into terror as darkness began to engulf the ground, seeping from the figure as the black mass moved toward her from where it and her sister stood along with the past threats she thought were either at bay or gone forever. She stepped back more and tried to retreat only to see the darkness heading toward her not just from her front, but from behind her as well as to her left and right, surrounding her in a hopeless situation. Now starting to Panic, Celestia spread her wings to take flight as the darkness closed in on her only to have her own sister, now Nightmare moon again, swiftly close the distance between them and grab hold, preventing her from getting up off the ground as the darkness slowly started to engulf her.

"Equestria is MINE!" the figure bellowed in victorious wicked glee, laughing along with the other foes that stood with it as the darkness enveloped her completely. "NOO!" Celestia cried out. Gasping as she woke, Celestia trembled while cold sweat ran down her face.

"Princess is something wrong?!" The guards that were posted at her door asked as they burst through the door. One, a Pegasi, had his spear firmly ready in one of his wings while the other, a unicorn, had his horn glowing at the ready to attack anyone. "No, no, I'm quite alright. Just a lil bad dream, must have been that last piece of cake I had before bed." Celestia said, playing it off with a dismissive hoof. "No need to worry, I probably just need to get some walking and a lil water before trying to sleep again." The princess of the sun added as she got out of her bed.

"Are you sure, you seem to be trembling a lil and sweating. One of us could go get you one or we could both escort you if you like." The Pegasi asked. "It's fine, isn't a grown mare allowed to have a nightmare every now and then?" Celestia said with a light giggle, "Now, you two stay here at your station while I go get some water, I'll probably stop by and see how Luna is doing as well. After that I'll be right back, promise"

"Well.....I suppose...."

"Good, now you two stay here while I walk off this bad dream." Celestia stated before walking off from her room, much to the dismay and slight bewilderment of her guards. Once she was sure that she was far enough away where they could not see her, Celestia picked up the pace of her walking into more of a frantic walk as she headed to meet her sister who was watching over the surrounding area from an observation tower in the castle, making sure not to panic her sister's guards as well as she entered the base of the tower before hurriedly rushing up the stairs.

"Sister, What's wrong, You look horrible?" Luna asked in surprise as her sister charged in, causing her to turn away from looking into her telescope. "I Fear that all of equestria.....and you are in grave danger. We need to send for Twilight and her friends as well as Cadence, shining Armor, and Discord as soon as it is daybreak."

"What could be so dangerous as to require such measures, and why am I in danger?" Luna asked with a look of worry, concern filling her voice.

"I don't know yet, but I fear that we all are in grave danger if the dream I just had was not just a mere bad dream but a premonition." Celestia replied as she looked up into the night sky.

#MLP #MLP:FiM #mlp oc #My Little Pony #My Litte Pony Friendship is Magic #mlp fan fiction #midnight-strider

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