#so yknow what? ill do it myself
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forever amazed and confused at how often transformers franchise just straight up depicts suicide attempts. like not even considering the superhero trope of "i have to save everyone!!! by choosing to die!!!!!" thing. like. non-allow-yourself-to-die-to-stop-a-thing-from-killing-everyone-immediately type situations. which tbh i wish more ppl talked about but not the point here
like. sure mtmte, a comic abt mentall illness and war, i expected it to be aware of the concept. but its not handled well and mostly used for shock value or "im better now i swear! i have a husband and everything" BUT ITS IN THE KIDS SHOWS TOO??? MY BESTIE G1 RODIMUS?? BEAST WARS DINOBOT???
#my pupils dilating so wide when that one beast wars episode opened on dinobot reciting shakespeare and then pointing a sword at his chest#also im mean i think only beast wars was successful at trying to be like 'but you Have to Live.'#i love them both dearly but g1 does not love me and mtmte does not love me. do u understand#mtmte being like 'you just have to meet someone to live for!!!' -> doesnt work even in canon ->#-> 'nono im still right you just have to meet someone to live for!!!'#but im fond of g1 just showing a guy whos told to die go 'yknow what yeah ok'. and then gets revived but god thats so fucking funny#psychological drama where rodimus doesnt get found on time and now the autobots have lost two leaders and my girl haunts the narrative#suicide tw#suicide ment#dummy posts#srry im still thinking abt mtmte. cd being like. i dont want to kill myself bc of my spouse. my spouse is dead but#i dont want to kill myself. ok my spouse is back time to kill myself so he can be happy with someone else.#ok no killing myself my spouse said no.#everyday tho im upset abt my babygirl red alert. mental illness woman used for jokes shock value rodimus angst then tossed tf out only to#come back 'better' but then BAM 'evil influence mind control by evil villain'. but shes polygamous now i guess thats going for her#sorry um. red alert isnt canonically a woman im just weird abt her. shes a mentally ill butch woman to me i need to hang out with#her so bad we could spiral together
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Does anyone else feel a debilitating fear of getting better? Is this normal? Does it secretly prove I'm just faking everything for attention? Probably tbh
#cicadas vent tag#likr#i was looking at my knee would and realised it was getting kinda better#and felt almost . disappointed and afraid#and with mental illness the feeling is rven worse#like of course i want to get better!!! obviously!!!#but i feel almost sad when i realized i havent had a suicidal thought in a while#but tbh#the fear of never getting better is also terrifying#it must be so annoying to watch me hate myself and hurt myself over and over again and not get any better#but the idea of getting better is scary too#yknow?#its all terrifying#maybe the only non scary reality is one where i isolate myself from all of my friends forever#but that just makes me sad#ok this feels kind of all over the place but . idk its a very all over the place kind of feeling#delete later#ok this one is getting taken out of the drafts early cuz i just refused my parents offer to wash my knee#and one od my thoughts was 'what if it stops hurting'#im fucked up like deeply i think#btw im doing fine now im so cozy just . yeah
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If I close my eyes and concentrate realllyyy hard I can pretend im in my animal crossing room
#im in need of a change I don’t like the way im living rn.. a lot of my belongings were picked out for me#by people who thought their way of doing things was better and Ive had to find workarounds my whole life bc of how I live differently#Ive never thought of myself as someone who cares abt how their room looks. but i want it to have things I like even if its just preference#Ive thought abt it for a while and I dont think Im picky I just dont like it when ppl buy me things expecting me to use it the way they#expect me to.. I just end up with a lot of crap that I feel too guilty throwing away just bc someone thought of me#the only way I can describe my taste is that I know what I’ll like when I see it.. if I can clearly see myself making the most out of it#if I constantly have to use workarounds just to use smth you decided for me im not gonna wanna use it unless I have to#literally i could not be bothered to pull out a notebook and write down important information until I got a blues clues notebook#because I liked it and it made it fun for me to whip out that I actually wanna use it. yknow#so rn im trying to get a drafting table because the one that came with my loft bed is ass and I cant cut my prints on it#I end up cutting on the floor and my back hurts if I do it too long.. and I wanna get a bookshelf for my closet and a bench for my bag#things Ill look at and want to use because I already knew how I wanted to use it and just do it without thinking too hard#yapping#diary
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Did you make the tragedy au? If so, what is it about? I think I have somewhat of a grasp on it but I would really like to read more about it and to hear your ideas and thoughts! :D
(p.s - love your art! <3)
It’s by me & @feelo-fick :))) It’s about Chilchuck finally going on vacation :>
Well..
I kid. Sort of.
It’s an au in which instead of the Winged Lion taking Marcille, it ends up settling for a panicking Chilchuck instead, to its disappointment. Basically, a Dungeon Lord Chilchuck au!
He’s separated from the party who are trying to find him, & as the dungeon changes, so does he. Despite his initial skepticism & caution, he starts to indulge in some of his addictions & dreams, such as one of a safer world, one of good cheer & little care. One in which he can relax, but also control if need be… (Is he in control?)
The others manage to catch up with the two, the golden of which plays a trick, winning Chilchuck for longer. When the party finally realize what’s happened & go back after him, several events (which I’m trying to be vague about for now) ensue…
(With lots of mythological ties, of course. Have you read the title of my blog? Have you seen the Orpheus & Eurydice things? And then there’s Dionysius. Not to mention the Minotaur…)
…All the while the hourglass winds down, things becoming progressively harder & harder to tell if they’re real or fake (the alcohol surely not helping). People aren’t just themselves anymore- Monsters are people & the reverse is true too. Whom do you trust when a face is shared? Whom do you trust when you become worse?
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Sorry for how vague this got; I’m not sure how much to share just yet. We like keeping things ‘oooooOoo so mysterious’ for funsies but also want people to Know The Stuff, which gets complicated lol. There is a lot that we have for this au though, & those “events” I mentioned we’re very normal about, so things relating to & about that pop up in our posts about it all the time. So… There’s that, have fun.
(Also thank you so much!! :)))))))) )
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OH ALSO it’s chilaios this is an au with chilaios I forgot to say!! It plays. Their relationship plays. A rather nice chunk of it. It’s not what it’s abboutttt exactly but yeah plays a big part those two’s uhh.. Interactions. And it stabs my heart :) I love them. May they bleed terribly. So very terribly <3
#ask#tragedy au#:))))))))))))))))))) oh my gosh tragedy au ask…. oh my gosh#dude I can’t wait to post more I need to push myself to post the stuff there is dude there are several animatics & lots and lots of art#and more#gahhhhhhhh#normal normal I’m normal#Dude there is SO. MUCH.!#I promise it’s way more detailed & thought out than described here it’s just those reasons I mentioned & stuff#& also the timeline is slightly messy because we technically haven’t cleaned that up just yet#it’s still understandable but yknow. Not enough. Not quite enough. So many details to clean.. so many details existing..#there’s so much…….#houghhhhhhhh time to finish that au drawing I started a while ago guess what I finally found my Apple Pencil again isn’t that great!! Now I#can do stuff not with my finger on on paper again!#no offense to paper I like paper but it’s not the same#anyway.#thanks for the ask I am so ill#First au ask let’s go yippee hehe :]#Hwpughhhhh hwough ok back to lying in a ditch full of blood#chilaios#<- I GUESS#(As if I didn’t just type about that)
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the mortifying ordeal of trying to talk to people and absolutely whiffing it
#it is not my best time socialising lately#the urge to become hermit is massive#and like not to be a sad sack on main but it sometimes feels easier to just let people be and not annoy them#at least if you're lonely then you're lonely for reasons you understand... but then yknow#even talking about this online can get random people claiming you're whining or being manipulative or whatever#so. not easy to talk about the very real consequences of mental illness and social difficulty frankly#without coming off like an arsehole#maybe someone else could manage it... but not me I think#doesn't mean I shouldn't talk about it though right?#okay I'm not a sad sack that's unfair on me but still. I think 'getting real' about this shit can be a bit of a downer but#I pride myself on being actually very open and honest about things#and what I go through#and if anyone around me goes through the same I am more than happy to be a sounding board for the shared difficulty#the purpose of suffering isn't to be a Bigger or Better Person for it#there's no inherent purpose to suffering itself#but. being able to use those experiences to help others is something I personally like to do
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I have to write a relatively long German paper, and man its just so difficult for me. The pro side is that I can pick any topic I want, so of course I picked Charles VI. But I've literally not written any German in months, and I'm almost 100% sure our prof doesn't actually read them. I should just write and submit boy king fic....
#i wish it was in English#bcs i would be very happy about it#but i have lost so much capacity for any German writing#bcs he sucks so much as a prof and has dropped the ball on actual language learning imo#how am i supposed to suddenly write a 7-8 pg paper after youve spent all our class time just lecturing at us#and giving us no real opportunity to really learn or test our skills#i shall.. probably just cheat.#LIKE i want to learn german so badly#but what the fuck is the point of even trying when i know im not going to get actual feedback on my writing#why should i even try at that point. put that much effort in and know that he doesnt really care at all#it just sucks so much bcs i genuinely love and am so fascinated w the topic#but the idea that id put so much work into translating it only for him not to read it really kills me#again. just submit boy king fic and see if he notices sjfkgllblb#but do you know what i mean? like im sure ill write a good version in english that i think is actual good content#but translating it is such a lost cause bcs all the effort is reallt for nothing#like atp im jusy interested in the history more than making an effort w the language#ugh i wish i wasnt this way but yknow lack of stimulation anf feedback really kills my enjoyment and interest#like see i can convince myself that thr eng version of teh paper is my typical personal research#<- i mean im making a fucking family tree for funsies so this isnt that far off#but the translation part is so difficult bcs my german has been eroding a bit SOB SOB#lol anyways i say this bcs i was plotting a boy king fic in my head as i was goong to bed#and was like oh i shoulf write it out tmr! and then remembered I HAVE AN ESSAY UGH#well yeah. suffering. we'll see how i feel abt i write the original copy and if i have the capacity to germanify it#i just feel so guilty about it. cheating. I dont want to and it feels so low effort and terrible#but why would i force myself thru all that for a guy who barely reads it#catie.rambling.txt
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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who knew that some agere people would be the worst type of people to exist (talking about you spinny)
#dont get your toddler army to do your anon hate and unblock me on discord if u want to talk#ik you act like a baby and thats fine but if youre bold enough to try to get me paranoid (and fail) then u should be bold enough to dm me#yknow without hiding yourself#either do that or leave us alone girl!! move on#like why do you preach about moving on to a new era and then actively seek out trouble ????#get a job or something#trying to make me think my bf is cheating on me is such a weird thing to do and a big low for you spinny. it's actually sad#the worst part youre not even good at doing it. youre making shit up from what you THINK you know & hiding behind ur friend#its okay to fall out of friendships and im not even trying to meddle with your life but you are literally actively seeking out problems#and thats so pathetic. especially when you paint yourself all high and might over us ??? clearly we tried everything for you#until we got to a point where we were literally drowning because we have other shit in our lives too#you keep losing friends and complain about it. maybe consider why??? because of lack of communication and empathy!! youre just mean!#especially to those who've always tried so hard to have your back and defend you! (buka and me!!!)#yet you didnt care. you dont communicate and expect us to read minds & you demand things#and u say that a real friend should know when to reach out & ya but when it gets to a point where i feel like im drowning? no thanks#im prioritizing myself and my mental health im sorry#not to mention i was ALWAYS IN THE MIDDLE IN YOUR BULLSHIT#so grow up. actually. and if you wanna dm me then unblock me and we can talk#if you want to keep hiding behind your toddler friends acting like youre all small and sweet and babies then go ahead but leave us alone?#at least ill have closure and finally come to terms that you're not rlly a good person and u use your illnesses to excuse ur behavior#because i still think about you and wish you were our friend but after everything thats happened (this being the cherry on top for ME)#then maybe you really just are a shitty person and you do more harm than good#soz to everyone else reading this just continue scrolling LOL#its drama cus an ex friend is sending their toddler militia on me for some reason???#delete later
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--whiney rant and vent--- starts at tumblr but descends into my life.
Fucking tumblr!! *grabs tumblr and aggressively shakes it*
Some new hell update has made it so every time I reblog a post, i go right back to the top of my dash and have to scroll half a mile through the posts Ive already seen to get back to the ones i havent yet seen and want to see!! And even with the scroll bar it takes ages and breaks the loading and makes it nearly genuinely unusable!!!
But Im still going to even though it sucks, because tumblr is my designated scroll and look at characters time and be with mutuals. And yes this is a very small whiny thing to rant about, especially given the state of the damn world, but with the rest of my life imploding in many numbered crisises that even one of would be apparently considered a fairly major thing to have to deal with im now realsising because through massive amounts of avoidance id just gone "this is fine" despite being very reasonably banned from the word fine by 5 different people and then me, and then others going 'wow that really is alot' semihorrified, and I awkwardly laugh because i am used to this and its not that bad and whatever stupid shit i tell myself to keep going.
So yes, whining about tumblr because at this point its a load bearing coping mechanism. And its somewhat a last straw because i am barely hanging on as it is but ill deal with this like everything else because there isnt any other options.
#astra stuff#ill survive this i just got to be dramatic about it first#and some of this stuff i dont think im actually being dramatic about because its really not fine#yknow the stressed and terrified with the whole trying to move out and figuring out how possibly can i because at this point i really need#chronic illnesses being chronic annoyingly#trying to hold everyone together and then myself too#dumb panic attacks because im on a hair thin trigger but shrugging them off halfway through because i dont have time nor energy for this#the whole fucking cpstd thing which apparently psychologists dont hand out like halloween candy#so there really is a problem here given meeting the diagnostic critera#and what happened to me being just so incredibly Fine!#you can probably at this point see exactly the reason why i write scott like i do#okay apparently more dumb rant in the tags#and im getting really sick of the goverment social whatever services fucking hold music#plus the daily attempt convince my stupid emotions that nooo everyone does not despise me in particular that doesnt even make logical sense#ugh#cant exactly say im fine but i am getting help for what i can
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man i hope i get to feel creative joy again. im so demotivated in general
#like i drew some shit posts but i didn't finish them. i haven't finished anything in a while#i felt some passing joy when drawing but it went off so quickly#reflecting now i think this dejected overall mood is what made me think layton was both a tragedy and a joy#because i want him to be a joy. he is. but my mood made me fixate on the tragedy of his backstory#and what is more!!!#i have been watching a little spider make a spiderweb for a while now#and i felt jealous yknow#like look at her. she's going up and down up and down#doing her thing. working hard on her project and that's beautiful like. nature is happening#and yet i don't have the drive to draw nor write. this spider is my current only source of fascination#man im oversharing on main maaaannnn#cmon say something funny. uuuuhhhhhh bazinga#it's not so bad i know it's just low energy but it's hitting me tonight. this too shall pass#anyway layton is a joy. his past is a tragedy. spiders are scary sometimes but they're cool sometimes too#and one day ill draw again and ill go beast mode on the canvas and i will spill the blood of my enemies#and ill be proud of myself. but right now everything feels wrong so. not tonight#i have this habit of making the tags absolute nightmares while the post is like. tiny. like a spider!!!#thematic cohesion!!!!!!!!!!!
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not to bitch and moan but im really starting to remember why i dont do original stories anymore
#im so anxious about world building and just linear solid plots dude none of the ideas im having feel like they make any sense#the story ideas im getting feel uninspired and uninteresting#theres barely anything anyway#and are people other than myself even interested?#i miss when i could have fun with things without feeling unnecessarily horrible about if its good or not#ik i should just do what i want but#yknow#sorry chat ill be normal again but for now ill shit tears about this i guess#scrubs hands over my face and rips off my skin GOD i need to loosen up but i want this to be something ill actually like at the same time#or maybe i just wanna be known for something other than fan shit#can i be normal pls thanks#.txt#vent#ig#ew feelings eugh
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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unfortunately i was born to love the arts and make my entire personality revolve around that no matter what Oh and wonderlands x showtime is also a part of me. Dont know how that happened but theyre carved into my brain now (i know how it all went down.)
#like hell yes you bet i love drawing acting writing singing playing the keyboard sculpting dancing Yknow what Just give me all of it at once#Theres something wrong with me. But i wouldnt want to do anything else#The wxs obsession is Because i am a theatre kid. I shouldnt even be surprised its gotten this bad. They lured me in.#random#im so sleepy but need to get smt done#but all i can think about is drawing its so bad#if i do i know ill be doing it all night and then scolding myself tmrw#Maybe a nap would help…#also i would rather die than give up doing all this simply because I love it#okay okay okay wait i was gonna write more but im gonna sound crazy Okay its not good to do all this#Just stay awake and doyour work. Quickly. Sigh
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what do you think about the kaeya = caribert theory? i saw some people use it as an 'explanation why his skin is dark' like. oh he used to be a Monster and the skin is a remnant of it :) and it pissed me off so bad. i need to know what other people think about it
its honestly not a theory im super fond of i think its a little stupid no offense. i dont think it makes a lot of sense? to go super in depth i'd have to take another look at the caribert quest (and maybe read up on the khaenri'ah lore we have so far again) but i kinda feel like it establishes pretty firmly that kaeya couldnt be caribert. descended from that branch of the family maybe (though im more fond of the theory that kaeya is descended from the branch of alberichs that were actually being regents, something that chlothar wasnt involved in because he distanced himself from the rest of the family to look after his son) (makes sense that kaeya would know more about the alberichs being the regents in khaenri'ah than he knows about an alberich being the founder of the abyss order) (theres a post about it i reblogged it some time ago and it hasn't left my mind since) but like.. him actively being caribert? sounds.. honestly really dumb to me.. don't ask me how kaeya isnt (or at least doesn't seem to be) affected by any curse, be it monsterification or immortality, but i just feel like that isnt the explanation. the actual explanation could be related to the events in caribert though.. cant wait for them to tell us what it actually is lol. on the off chance that this fucking theory is true then ill just bite my tongue i guess but i know im right. ok now moving on to the elephant in the room. what kind of take even is thatttttt "thats why his skin is dark"what is bro talking about🔥🔥‼️ if i read that with my own two eyes id block a person SO fast. why would you say that and treat it as serious evidence and backing for your theory. thats just. racism basically. what. anyways kaeya whos half from sumeru supremacy
#using hoyoverse logic (desert=dark skin rainforest=white skin) he'd be half a desert dweller half khaenri'ahn#(which is silly stupid logic btw. i hate it)#its SUCH a concept though#still doesnt answer how he isnt. yknow. a hilichurl. caribert style#but we've already established that i dont have answers for you as to how kaeyas existence works. sooo yea#not to get ahead of myself though but the kaeya skin COULD be evidence of him having roots in sumeru too#even what he tells us about going to sumeru as a child too if you're willing to make a stretch#because i know that was about him wanting to go to/get as close as possible to khaenri'ah#(ough btw. i feel ill whenever i think about it for too long)#but you COULD argue that the fact hoyoverse has even brought it up recently could be hinting at something#giggles and kicks my feet. we'll see;3#that was one hell of a tangent. sorry im a bit passionate about sumeru kaeya im realizing now#thank you for the ask!!!#about the other one you sent don't worry you didn't come off as rude! it's literally ok#you def arent alone in thinking that is fucking insane bc it is. hope that helps#the moment the caribert quest dropped and people were like genuinely linking caribert to kaeya i was so confused#i didnt interpret it that way at all#saying that his dark skin is because he was a monster though. like ok. do you guys ever think before you speak like ever#askpilled#kaeyaposting#kaeya alberich
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trying to start working on my ap art summer work (put it off all summer and now theres. 10 days left until school starts apperently) i hateeeee how vague everything is ugh
#i forgot how much of a nightmare this teacher is to work with she just. never specifies enough and it drives me insane#<- ive had her multiple years now idk why she even let me take the ap class considering when i had her freshman year i literally didnt do a#single assignment for that class but i wont complain i guess lol#though tbh.. im not really sure why im even taking it i mean my friend said i should#but idk#man i dont know what to do though like#i brought this upon myself but still. why does this all have to be so vague#also i need like a themeing… i dont know man!!!!!!!!!!!!! im the most indecisive person on the planet and i never plan out pieces most of#the time. i just get rhe urge to Draw Character In Void and figure it out from there#if i start to working on a sketch… im just gonna keep working on it until i finish????#i wish i could do animation or smth. for my pieces i feel like that would backfire on me but like#itd work better within the structure she wants us to follow i think……… then again all i animate is jsut#stupid little loops or like. dumb stuff set to songs or goofy audios#idfk#inquisitivewaltz.txt#also also i have no idea if im allowed to do my summer work digitally#but im doing it that way anyways cuz it gives me more options (and i feel liek ill figure out smthn i like the look of more easily than#traditional since im just not the greatest with that..#plus i dont have any empty sketchbooks to dedicate to this class and i cant just buy one now yknow
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day one completely ouo)b✨ i can already see im about to learn a bunch but it helps that everyones pretty nice and helpful ! and i did a lot more than i was expecting bc i decided to push myself a bit more so WOOHOO FOR BEING COURAGEOUS
#snow speaks#work log#its so funny bc at first i was like 'omg this is gonan be the worst place ever im gonna die doing this'#but actually. ok i can do this#i think majority of it was just being discouraged the past several months so#admittedly i ammmmm very rusty on material BUT at least i have a good basis#do i treat myself? no lmao#i thought id just play observer today but eheh decided yknow what its better to just dunk yourself in than teeter so >:3#anyways so bc everyone was confused what to do w me they just let me go home and now i get to study adslfjh#its a transition phase once i get back into the feel then ill be chill and cruising B)#ill stop logging when i start getting busier im just trying to hype myself up LOL
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